111: It's Hard Out Here For a Blimp [ft. Jordan Carlos]

Speaker 1 The period of civil war has ended.

Speaker 5 The rebels have defeated the evil galactic monarchy and established the harmonious Federated Alliance.

Speaker 1 Now, Ambassador Pleck Dexeta and his intrepid crew travel the farthest reaches of the galaxy to explore astounding new worlds, discover their heroic destinies, and meet weird bug creatures and stuff.

Speaker 3 This

Speaker 2 is Mishmi.

Speaker 2 Pleck?

Speaker 2 Yeah?

Speaker 9 You've been in my room again.

Speaker 10 I

Speaker 9 can you tell me what you were snooping for?

Speaker 11 I wasn't snooping. I would never snoop in your room, Dar.

Speaker 12 You know what?

Speaker 6 Then what were you doing in my room?

Speaker 13 I

Speaker 13 wanted to look at the gun.

Speaker 9 You wanted to look at the gun? Yeah, I just wanted to

Speaker 14 see it, because I've never.

Speaker 9 Fine. Look at the gun all you want.

Speaker 15 Oh, where was that?

Speaker 9 Where was it?

Speaker 11 Yeah, where was it just now?

Speaker 9 I keep it in a very special place. Okay.
Inside of me.

Speaker 16 I guess that's.

Speaker 11 Listen, I. I'm sorry I went into your room.
It's first of all, it's much larger than mine, which seems fair because you're so much larger than me, but also, like, I have to sort of sleep at an angle.

Speaker 14 I basically have a closet.

Speaker 17 You're welcome to use my charging cabinet if you prefer.

Speaker 11 Uh, is it bigger than my room?

Speaker 6 Oh.

Speaker 11 Now, see, that's not really.

Speaker 19 I don't want to alarm anybody, but my son's gonna be visiting me me today.

Speaker 15 What?

Speaker 19 My son.

Speaker 15 You have a son?

Speaker 19 Yeah, he's coming over, so if you don't mind, he clean captain cleanpy language, okay?

Speaker 17 Yeah, yeah.

Speaker 9 Yeah. I thought Blimpy and you weren't talking anymore.

Speaker 19 Blimpy, uh, it,

Speaker 19 how do you say this? Uh, is a disappointment, yes. Um, he decided not to be a ship.
He decided instead to become an amusement park.

Speaker 19 But, uh, once a year, he comes over and visits me, and today's that day. So wow,

Speaker 14 it's great that you have a relationship with

Speaker 16 Blimpy.

Speaker 20 Bargie, can I ask how

Speaker 9 like how does that work?

Speaker 11 What does it mean when you say you have a son?

Speaker 19 That's a very

Speaker 17 extremely personal question.

Speaker 22 I just

Speaker 23 don't understand how the mechanics.

Speaker 19 What does a son mean to a mother?

Speaker 24 Now that you're asking me, can I not have sons and mothers? No,

Speaker 14 they absolutely do.

Speaker 26 They absolutely do. I just...

Speaker 20 Were you like, did you build Blimpy?

Speaker 19 Did I build my son?

Speaker 19 My son is its own person. Honestly, sometimes I want to throw you off the ship and have you explode.

Speaker 18 No, no, no, no, I don't.

Speaker 19 Like, I'm this close to throwing you off the ship. I'm sorry.

Speaker 25 I'm sorry.

Speaker 26 I just.

Speaker 25 I feel like I know less now than I did when I started asking.

Speaker 17 Master Dexter, all of this information has been freely available personnel.

Speaker 9 I guess. What do you do with all your free time in your small slanted room?

Speaker 14 Well, okay, so the data pad that the Alliance gave me, it has this, um.

Speaker 17 Have you been playing Clappy Garfawn?

Speaker 13 No, I yes.

Speaker 9 What level are you on?

Speaker 11 I've gotten to like 16.

Speaker 17 16?

Speaker 20 Yeah, that's pretty good.

Speaker 18 You're very low.

Speaker 9 You're spending all your free time and you're only at level 16.

Speaker 11 I can't move my, I can't get a good angle on the data pad when I'm in my room, so I have to

Speaker 11 remember.

Speaker 30 Okay, hey, Nermit.

Speaker 31 Hey, guys.

Speaker 15 Hey, why are you whispering? Why are you so quiet?

Speaker 8 What? Well, okay, just hang on one sec.

Speaker 31 I gotta- I'm gonna shut my door.

Speaker 6 Okay.

Speaker 6 Okay.

Speaker 31 Just one sec, I'm gonna pull down these blinds.

Speaker 13 You have a window in your office?

Speaker 31 No, it's just it's covered. I'm gonna cover this poster.

Speaker 13 Why do you have blinds in front of us?

Speaker 17 The poster to be spying on you.

Speaker 31 With what I'm about to tell you, you can't be too safe. I'm just gonna turn down my monitor brightness.

Speaker 14 That doesn't.

Speaker 31 Alright, so this is a mission unlike any mission we've been tasked with.

Speaker 18 It's top secret. Oh.

Speaker 31 Serious mum's the word type situation, alright?

Speaker 31 We have ourselves a deal. Hold up your pinkies.
Everybody, pinky swear. Barchie, I don't know what that would be for you.

Speaker 31 Very conspicuous.

Speaker 17 I also possess only two digits.

Speaker 31 Just that's

Speaker 17 the second digit.

Speaker 9 Yeah. It sounds like you shouldn't make us put up our pinkies.

Speaker 31 I was specifically instructed if just whatever the closest thing to a pinky is.

Speaker 31 swearing?

Speaker 17 I don't know.

Speaker 31 Don't hold that up. Oh.

Speaker 31 Can you put that? Dar put it away.

Speaker 9 Do you want me to put it away?

Speaker 15 Yes.

Speaker 31 Nerman. I mean, no, what will make you do it?

Speaker 31 Put it just put it back in the chute or flap or put it back.

Speaker 9 Okay, fine.

Speaker 17 As we have discussed, junior missions operations better.

Speaker 17 Chutes are for moving things out of Dar's body.

Speaker 29 Okay, I bet you're not.

Speaker 17 It would be inappropriate to return it to a shoot.

Speaker 9 Pinky is out. Pinky's out.

Speaker 31 Swear.

Speaker 31 Alright, here's my pinky.

Speaker 31 Okay, that's as good as we're gonna get. And swear.

Speaker 9 Ooh, I like that one. Okay, very kitschy.

Speaker 13 We all know the council of seven.

Speaker 17 Well, not personally, but we are familiar with the couple of people.

Speaker 9 We are familiar with the seven best friends that run the Federated Alliance.

Speaker 31 Okay, so Councillor Runf.

Speaker 9 Which one's that?

Speaker 31 Four or five?

Speaker 18 Four. Okay.

Speaker 31 As you may know, her son, Tillian Runf, sometimes ends up in the tabloids, and did a son become an amusement park, too.

Speaker 31 I have no idea what that would mean.

Speaker 25 Bargie has a son.

Speaker 31 Okay, well, that fun. Um

Speaker 31 Tillian Runf

Speaker 31 is lost in

Speaker 28 space.

Speaker 28 No,

Speaker 31 Tillian Runf is lost in the Zenk district of Zix.

Speaker 14 The z the Zank district?

Speaker 31 Yes, I assume you know what that means. You've been in Zix for a while.
It's basically where all the, you know, the really, really dicey stuff goes down.

Speaker 31 It's a lot of a lot of dealing and a lot of doing.

Speaker 17 Ambassador Dexetter, can I assume you have not read my presentation on the Zank District?

Speaker 14 Listen, that Garfon is not going to flap itself for C53.

Speaker 17 Ambassador Dexter, the Zenc District is equivalent to what you might know as a red light district.

Speaker 24 Yes, exactly.

Speaker 18 So, okay.

Speaker 31 Young Tillian Rumf went there with a lot of croons in his pocket. He He was due back at his college, and he has not returned.

Speaker 31 He's been there for two months longer than he's supposed to be, and you guys.

Speaker 34 Two months? Yes.

Speaker 31 He's missed many of his classes. And, you know, you guys are.

Speaker 17 Tillian Rumpf is a notorious bon vivant.

Speaker 31 Yes, you could say that.

Speaker 24 What language is that?

Speaker 17 Bon vivant.

Speaker 13 Bon vivant? What language is that?

Speaker 17 Isn't that Tullerian?

Speaker 18 I don't.

Speaker 35 I don't think so.

Speaker 17 Maybe that's not translating correctly then.

Speaker 31 So, anyway, he's been missing in the Zank district for two months. Bargie is the closest ship, and so we've been entrusted with this information.
You need to get him out of there.

Speaker 17 Junior Missions Operations Manager Nermet Bundle, might I say that this is an operation perhaps slightly above our pay grade?

Speaker 10 If we save

Speaker 11 Councillor Runth's son

Speaker 13 from the

Speaker 22 what district?

Speaker 17 The Zank District.

Speaker 36 There's a whole report about it in your room.

Speaker 9 Also, Fleck, I'd like to point out, I've been playing Flappy Garth on this whole time, and I'm already at level five.

Speaker 24 I'm sorry, okay.

Speaker 10 Listen, if we save Count, if we save Counselor Runth's son,

Speaker 22 then we should-I mean, we should get something, right?

Speaker 18 I believe I

Speaker 17 misunderstood.

Speaker 17 My implication was that we are actually not cleared for a mission of this gravity. Well, technically, that's dealing directly with family members of the Council 7.

Speaker 31 Of course, we're not cleared for this. If they assigned it to a senior missions operations manager, they'd have to admit that it's happening.
You know what I mean? I'm gonna show you something.

Speaker 31 Do you see this?

Speaker 31 This was stamped with the stamp of the fourth council member. Look at the wax.

Speaker 17 That is actually a code that I am currently reading, and I am ceasing stream.

Speaker 34 Whoa, what?

Speaker 31 Cool. They don't even want a record of this.

Speaker 17 I am now compiling a false record for our activities activities for the next 24 hours.

Speaker 11 Oh, uh, can you put in there that I'm doing something real cool?

Speaker 17 That would seem out of character and perhaps raise suspicion at the Federated Alliance archives.

Speaker 28 Okay, fair enough.

Speaker 9 Already up to level 9.

Speaker 31 C-53, do you have the coordinates? I can't even tell what's been transmitted to you.

Speaker 17 I have received information.

Speaker 8 Okay, okay, okay, okay, okay.

Speaker 31 You know what? This team is flying into the deep, dark heart of the Federated Alliance. I could not be more proud of you.
I am

Speaker 31 shaking.

Speaker 14 Yeah, it's very obvious.

Speaker 20 I would say quivering, maybe would be.

Speaker 29 Yeah, yeah.

Speaker 17 Trembling?

Speaker 36 Quiet?

Speaker 36 Quaking.

Speaker 31 Yep, pretty scared.

Speaker 11 Nermit, thanks for entrusting us with this.

Speaker 33 You know what? We won't let you down.

Speaker 31 I could not be more excited for you, and I'm gonna be sitting here and with the shades drawn and ready for info.

Speaker 20 No, you could probably just go about your day.

Speaker 31 Nope, gonna sit here. I'm gonna pee in this jar.

Speaker 31 Hello, can you hear me?

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See you so bundu tune.

Speaker 41 Whoa, this place is cool.

Speaker 38 Yeah.

Speaker 11 I don't think I've ever seen a hangar bay with like velvet on the walls.

Speaker 32 Get down on the the ground. Oh, get down on the ground.

Speaker 17 Okay.

Speaker 31 Get down on the ground. I'll hail the Federated light.

Speaker 34 Yeah, all the hails.

Speaker 31 I'm just jucking with you.

Speaker 44 Whoa.

Speaker 31 I'm just, um, Chuck, I'm dusted up. I'm sorry.

Speaker 31 Serious dust.

Speaker 45 What the juck these motherjuckers want anyway.

Speaker 31 Up, but this is the big boss.

Speaker 2 This is the head guy.

Speaker 7 Oh, this is IQQ.

Speaker 3 What's up, y'all?

Speaker 48 How you doing? Spread love.

Speaker 4 Oh, hey, uh, IQQ.

Speaker 11 Is that your first name, or?

Speaker 50 Yeah, it's my first.

Speaker 45 It's my last.

Speaker 44 It's my everything.

Speaker 38 Oh, cool, cool, cool.

Speaker 51 Hey, come on in.

Speaker 41 Thank you. Thank you.

Speaker 26 This is a very.

Speaker 25 I have to say, this is one of the most intimate hangar bays I've ever been in.

Speaker 45 Very much the intimate hangar bay.

Speaker 48 Yeah.

Speaker 31 Hey, IQQ. Yeah.
Can you set me up with my, you know, my regular tonight?

Speaker 3 Oh, oh, absolutely.

Speaker 52 Andromeda?

Speaker 50 Yeah. I can do that.

Speaker 53 Well, hold up. Hold up.

Speaker 43 Let me check an eye calf.

Speaker 3 You good? All right.

Speaker 31 Yeah.

Speaker 31 Are you guys.

Speaker 31 This guy's the best.

Speaker 3 What he said.

Speaker 43 Well, uh, uh.

Speaker 2 This is highly unusual behavior from Clint.

Speaker 25 Yeah, that was that was the most laid-back Clint I've ever seen.

Speaker 37 When you go looking for the Clint.

Speaker 54 Yeah. Oh, fuck.

Speaker 4 I get it. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

Speaker 45 That's a sexual joke.

Speaker 4 Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. I didn't know it was.

Speaker 45 I made a sexual joke.

Speaker 37 Did you get it, Pleck?

Speaker 15 Are you sure?

Speaker 55 I think I.

Speaker 9 I think I do. We could ask him to explain it.

Speaker 4 I think I do.

Speaker 45 Now, you explain it, Pleck.

Speaker 42 That's your name, Pleck.

Speaker 43 Yep, yep, yep. Pleck.

Speaker 47 I don't know about that.

Speaker 34 No? You need a new name.

Speaker 41 Oh, sh sure. Yeah.

Speaker 48 Sugar cane.

Speaker 44 Sugar cane? Sugar cane.

Speaker 56 Come on in here, sugar cane.

Speaker 57 All right. Wow.

Speaker 53 Wow.

Speaker 37 Your shoulders are so high.

Speaker 49 Oh, yeah, that's because I'm very nervous most of the time.

Speaker 47 Bring him down. Okay, all right.

Speaker 46 Everybody, come on in here.

Speaker 47 Look at, look, oh, Lord, look at you.

Speaker 25 Now, this is Dar, me.

Speaker 3 Dar, Dar, you a star.

Speaker 48 Come on in here. I don't mean a red dwarf.
I'm talking about a giant.

Speaker 25 Yeah, Dar is very large.

Speaker 2 Yeah, you are.

Speaker 45 I could use somebody in this facility like yourself.

Speaker 9 Oh, thank you.

Speaker 7 Yeah.

Speaker 58 What's your ship's name?

Speaker 25 Oh, this is Bargerian Jade.

Speaker 45 Bargerian.

Speaker 47 Woo!

Speaker 3 Oh, you get your ass in here.

Speaker 47 Quit hovering. Get your...

Speaker 3 You turn off those.

Speaker 43 You really don't like to get involved, but uh.

Speaker 46 Turn off those magnetic fields.

Speaker 59 Get your hands over.

Speaker 45 One more direct hit to the rear deflector shield.

Speaker 3 I tell you, what?

Speaker 19 Let me drop some of my oil on you.

Speaker 8 No, I'll move it on.

Speaker 43 That's her whole thing.

Speaker 43 Martha loves that.

Speaker 60 Woo! Yeah.

Speaker 43 Did you know?

Speaker 50 Well, y'all are welcome.

Speaker 3 Y'all are welcome.

Speaker 4 Thank you. Thank you.

Speaker 49 Hey, listen, you know, I'm with the Federated Alliance.

Speaker 25 This is C-53.

Speaker 43 This is our protocol droid.

Speaker 60 Oh, what's up, up, my man? How are you doing?

Speaker 59 How is it going?

Speaker 47 You know,

Speaker 4 I can't tell it.

Speaker 44 You know, I'm sorry.

Speaker 45 I'm just a Tellurian just trying to make as many croons as possible. You know what I'm saying?

Speaker 3 Rod damn right.

Speaker 2 I'm familiar with many types of handshake. You can keep up.

Speaker 37 You all right now.

Speaker 3 You can hang out.

Speaker 46 And the rest of y'all can hang out too because anytime you're on the zinc district, man.

Speaker 56 Do you know about the zinc district?

Speaker 27 No, actually, I hadn't heard of the zinc district.

Speaker 51 Many come, few conquer.

Speaker 44 Oh, yeah, yeah. Many come.

Speaker 44 Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Speaker 47 Do you get that plan? Yeah, I think I do.

Speaker 43 I think I get that.

Speaker 45 How deep you like your puns,

Speaker 44 sugar cane.

Speaker 56 How deep you like your puns, sugar cane. I mean, let's go all the way, man.

Speaker 51 Why y'all come here, man?

Speaker 26 Uh, well, uh, you know, we're just here to.

Speaker 56 How you like them?

Speaker 25 We're what, like what?

Speaker 47 Like

Speaker 56 your thoroughbreds.

Speaker 47 Oh,

Speaker 47 yeah.

Speaker 3 You like that?

Speaker 57 Oh.

Speaker 4 Oh, who are these?

Speaker 31 Greetings, I will do it.

Speaker 7 It's a very early model sex droid.

Speaker 45 That's true. That is an early model sex droid.
The OS system is terrible.

Speaker 42 Yeah. But some people get off on it.
Yeah, many people.

Speaker 47 Enjoy a retro experience.

Speaker 45 Yeah, people like that.

Speaker 52 You know, hey, man, you know,

Speaker 45 you can get freaky on the doorknob if you want to.

Speaker 50 And here, it don't matter, man. Sure.
You know?

Speaker 43 So

Speaker 43 what what do I want? How many croons you bring?

Speaker 4 Are you celebrating something? Yeah, you know, I don't have a bunch of croons.

Speaker 10 My job is sort of terrible.

Speaker 44 Okay.

Speaker 27 When it comes to payment.

Speaker 11 Okay. So I'm just sort of in it for

Speaker 27 maybe just looking around.

Speaker 2 Looking around. Yeah, just looking around.

Speaker 9 Lex, turn off the streaming and listen to you.

Speaker 38 Yeah.

Speaker 56 Looking around.

Speaker 11 No, just looking around.

Speaker 3 Windows shops. Yeah, exactly.
Window shops.

Speaker 37 Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Speaker 45 You came all the way to the zinc district to Windows shop.

Speaker 7 Ambassador Dexter, it may be necessary for you to go forward on this planet if we are to find Killian Runs.

Speaker 25 Yeah, you're right, you're right.

Speaker 49 So, listen,

Speaker 25 IQQ, very excited about this.

Speaker 11 Just show me to the

Speaker 54 hall of

Speaker 43 the old client room.

Speaker 4 Sex hall.

Speaker 41 The sex hall, yeah, yeah, yeah.

Speaker 45 Come on in, y'all, to the sex hall.

Speaker 1 Can I ask you a question?

Speaker 55 Please.

Speaker 53 Is this whole planet like this?

Speaker 48 Not yet.

Speaker 2 It's gonna be.

Speaker 44 Oh, great.

Speaker 2 Great.

Speaker 35 So

Speaker 49 you're building an empire here.

Speaker 47 Empire.

Speaker 43 Oh, oh, that one I understood. That one I understood.

Speaker 37 What about you, friend?

Speaker 56 Sorry? Dar.

Speaker 46 What you in the market for?

Speaker 9 I'm almost at level 19.

Speaker 2 Oh, Dar's been playing with me.

Speaker 43 Oh, what?

Speaker 43 What are you talking about?

Speaker 33 Flappy Garfun. Oh, Flappy Garfund?

Speaker 47 That shit is easy.

Speaker 9 I agree.

Speaker 9 But no, thank you.

Speaker 28 I don't pay.

Speaker 3 You don't pay. Let me ask y'all.

Speaker 52 Let me ask y'all a question.

Speaker 3 Do you like what you do for a living?

Speaker 25 That's a really good question.

Speaker 27 I like it in theory, and I think that the adventure really appeals.

Speaker 45 Thank you, Bargie, for honestly answering that.

Speaker 43 Here, come on, let's walk and talk. Okay, okay.

Speaker 47 Okay.

Speaker 45 Now, now, you know, you see in everything, and you see that I have the best in all the land, right? But let me ask you a question. Have you ever thought thought for a second, I don't like going around

Speaker 46 to different systems,

Speaker 1 to quasars, to moons,

Speaker 45 to gaseous balls.

Speaker 50 Could I possibly do something else?

Speaker 30 Yeah. Oh, yeah.

Speaker 25 Dar talks about that all the time.

Speaker 58 All the time.

Speaker 52 Don't you have

Speaker 44 different

Speaker 45 sex bits that could

Speaker 9 tell just from looking at me?

Speaker 1 I got the eye.

Speaker 44 Don't I have the eye?

Speaker 53 Yeah, yeah, you got the eye.

Speaker 7 Damn, I got got six on my head.

Speaker 52 Now, let me tell you something.

Speaker 45 Let me tell you something.

Speaker 45 Look at a specimen like yourself,

Speaker 46 you could fetch a very fine price in the market. Oh, a very fine price.

Speaker 9 You're saying selling my bits, sending your bits, not disembodied.

Speaker 6 How much are we talking?

Speaker 3 Oh, my, how many croones?

Speaker 3 At least. What at least? At least.

Speaker 36 Oh, I thought I'd say it's like maybe

Speaker 36 320 crones.

Speaker 44 Kabam!

Speaker 44 320 croon!

Speaker 34 Switch to think.

Speaker 51 Take it again.

Speaker 9 Once, like, up front, or, like, every time.

Speaker 21 Well, it's up to you.

Speaker 46 You finance it whatever you want to do.

Speaker 35 Dar, 320 croons is, like, more than I make in a week.

Speaker 6 I'm, yes. That's good.

Speaker 47 Yeah, go ahead.

Speaker 36 We're having some trouble with the uh rich the rich boy.

Speaker 44 Oh, not him.

Speaker 36 Yeah, he's been throwing up.

Speaker 7 He's been throwing up.

Speaker 44 He's been throwing up

Speaker 47 and crying. Wait, throwing up.

Speaker 3 Yeah,

Speaker 48 he has a lot of hot vomit, this kid.

Speaker 25 Hey, you know, we could go maybe just talk to him if you wanted us to.

Speaker 25 We just go see what.

Speaker 42 You want to pay for that?

Speaker 28 For the rich

Speaker 4 kid? To see him throw up.

Speaker 44 No, no, no, no, no, no.

Speaker 4 And that's what you're into.

Speaker 13 No, no, no, no, no, no.

Speaker 45 That's what blows your hair back.

Speaker 30 That's not really too much.

Speaker 44 I like it.

Speaker 59 Come on, Betsy.

Speaker 4 Yeah, yeah, listen, just.

Speaker 56 So you're not into it?

Speaker 42 You into it?

Speaker 4 Yeah, I mean, I'll just check it out.

Speaker 16 I'll check it out.

Speaker 37 I do it.

Speaker 45 I do it. You like to J-O-Divi, don't you?

Speaker 4 Yep, that's me. Come on, Becky, hip-hop.

Speaker 44 That's me,

Speaker 44 sugarcane.

Speaker 9 All y'all like that? Not as much as Pleck, so he should definitely be front row.

Speaker 3 Sugar cane, come out.

Speaker 44 Yep, all right. Yep.

Speaker 3 Now, you know, I haven't had this business going on like 10 years now.

Speaker 56 It's really crazy, man.

Speaker 3 You know, you have no idea how many hang-ups you have

Speaker 52 and problems and outflow of income and people coming and going and raids and things like that.

Speaker 45 It's crazy, you know?

Speaker 34 But

Speaker 50 it's the best business in the world.

Speaker 38 Whoa, is this a glory wall?

Speaker 47 This oh, glory wall.

Speaker 46 If you like anthropods around your bang, do it.

Speaker 55 Oh, I knew it.

Speaker 34 Wow.

Speaker 46 If you like tentacles around your testicles,

Speaker 45 this is the wall for you.

Speaker 59 This wall is unbelievable.

Speaker 47 Thank you.

Speaker 25 There are a lot of electrical sockets here at C53.

Speaker 46 Well, no, that's just a USB port, one of them.

Speaker 9 See, when you're not streaming, you're bad.

Speaker 7 If I am not streaming, I am allowed a number of liberties that are not permitted when I am streaming.

Speaker 34 Sure.

Speaker 54 How many amps do you want, new friend?

Speaker 8 Maximum Abridge.

Speaker 47 Whoa,

Speaker 41 C53.

Speaker 56 This is the reason why we kept the USB port.

Speaker 54 Finally!

Speaker 43 Oh, boy.

Speaker 49 Listen, C-53.

Speaker 36 We have reached completion.

Speaker 57 Oh.

Speaker 59 We can continue. Ambassador Dexter.

Speaker 20 Great. That was very efficient.

Speaker 45 I like to watch that.

Speaker 47 Oh.

Speaker 44 Oh, come on, out, man.

Speaker 22 Oh, is that the guy?

Speaker 41 Yeah, is that the rich guy?

Speaker 52 Come on, come on.

Speaker 45 Get your, you know, get your weenie out. Let's go.

Speaker 49 No, you know what?

Speaker 3 I just. Oh, you like to do it over your clothes.

Speaker 56 No.

Speaker 53 Oh, you nasty.

Speaker 26 You know what? I think what I kind of like to do is like look at it and then think about it way later.

Speaker 49 So I'm just going to look now and think about it later.

Speaker 50 Let me hit the code here.

Speaker 50 Oh.

Speaker 61 I'm sorry. I didn't know that it would be people watching me.

Speaker 58 Well, we got you an audience, young man.

Speaker 44 How you doing, 1%?

Speaker 61 It's such a lovely day, isn't it?

Speaker 3 Yeah, it is.

Speaker 45 It is a lovely day.

Speaker 48 And we brought some people that want to, you know, they want to watch you, do you thing.

Speaker 61 This is what I love about this place. There are absolutely no rules.

Speaker 61 I go in here, I have the time of my life, people watch me have the time of my life, I could vomit freely without somebody judging me like my mummy. I could do whatever I like.

Speaker 9 And you like vomiting?

Speaker 51 I love it.

Speaker 61 You know why? It's the most organic thing you could ever do in your entire life. You're bringing out part of yourself and placing it on the floor.
It's like Tellurian gardening.

Speaker 20 Sure.

Speaker 61 Where you are, in fact, the

Speaker 3 We've had to pitch the floor a little bit.

Speaker 61 I'm never going back home. Nothing could ever convince me.

Speaker 23 Listen, IQQ, could you grab, could you grab me a towel?

Speaker 3 Yeah, okay.

Speaker 46 You know how to jerk off, right?

Speaker 16 Do you know how to jerk off, Mr.

Speaker 24 Dexter?

Speaker 10 Yes, yes, I know how to do it.

Speaker 26 I just want to do it later.

Speaker 4 We have space slugs available.

Speaker 13 Oh, no.

Speaker 4 We have space slugs available.

Speaker 27 I'm fine with...

Speaker 44 Don't be ashamed.

Speaker 4 Yeah,

Speaker 46 this is Dandu.

Speaker 45 And we'll do it for you if you want.

Speaker 56 Really, really nice. It's nothing.

Speaker 44 It's a couple crores.

Speaker 36 All right, you know where to find us.

Speaker 46 Thanks. All right.

Speaker 51 It's embarrassing.

Speaker 56 You don't want to get jerked off by a space slug.

Speaker 27 I just want like a moment alone with this.

Speaker 3 You want the room.

Speaker 4 You want the room.

Speaker 3 Yeah, that's all.

Speaker 47 You want the room. Do I even just say that?

Speaker 44 Can I have a room plan? I just want to

Speaker 44 do that.

Speaker 56 I will get that towel for you.

Speaker 4 IQQ. You're the best.

Speaker 41 You're the best.

Speaker 62 La la la la la.

Speaker 62 Shall I incontest?

Speaker 44 Sure, yes, please.

Speaker 41 Wow, that was very fast.

Speaker 17 Very soft.

Speaker 41 Jeez.

Speaker 23 Never punch me.

Speaker 20 Hey, Dar, can you lift.

Speaker 54 Can you lift him?

Speaker 9 Yeah, but we can't just walk him out of the building.

Speaker 9 We need to hide him somewhere.

Speaker 38 Hmm.

Speaker 9 We need to

Speaker 9 stash him inside of me.

Speaker 30 Oh, wow.

Speaker 27 Can you do that?

Speaker 12 Yeah.

Speaker 9 See, could you just help me real quick? I can't get the... I can't get the shoulder up in here.

Speaker 2 Does this help?

Speaker 9 It does. All right.

Speaker 17 I got your towel out here.

Speaker 11 Oh, hey, just one second, IQQ.

Speaker 17 How long is it going to take you, man?

Speaker 5 Listen, guys, what are we going to do?

Speaker 22 He's He's gonna notice that that how long does it take a Tellurian to pleasure himself?

Speaker 20 It takes it takes a while because I do it weird, man. Hey, it's me, it's me, hey.

Speaker 8 Hey, so

Speaker 7 if he gives me two croons, I'll I'll go under the blankets of that Tellurian boy pretend to be sleeping.

Speaker 7 Just two croons.

Speaker 55 I mean, okay, sure.

Speaker 63 Just stick it to my slime and just stick it.

Speaker 55 Okay, okay.

Speaker 63 You gotta scoop some of my slop under it when I'm done, or you'll see my slop coming out and scooping up.

Speaker 47 Yeah, come on in.

Speaker 43 Coming in.

Speaker 33 Hey, listen, he fell asleep.

Speaker 11 So, and we're all good here.

Speaker 25 We're just going to take off.

Speaker 44 Okay.

Speaker 46 Everything seems to be in the open up. Yep.
Yep. 320 croons, please.

Speaker 27 320 croons?

Speaker 44 320 croons for the pleasure.

Speaker 27 That seems high.

Speaker 3 Well, you can always work it off.

Speaker 6 Oh,

Speaker 11 does anybody come to a place like this looking for a person like me?

Speaker 50 I can create a market.

Speaker 6 What would that entail?

Speaker 52 I don't know.

Speaker 52 Marketing is hard.

Speaker 17 Yeah, yeah.

Speaker 17 Just play on his innocence and general naivete.

Speaker 45 Now you got something.

Speaker 11 Because I don't really know.

Speaker 26 I've never jucked anybody before.

Speaker 50 You never jucked anybody before?

Speaker 35 No.

Speaker 16 Hit the alarm!

Speaker 56 Can I say something now?

Speaker 4 I guess so.

Speaker 50 Are you talking about you've only made love?

Speaker 49 No, no, no.

Speaker 3 What about you, Dar?

Speaker 9 I've been with over 173 different different species in the galaxy, and I just accommodate them with my genitalia.

Speaker 2 Wow.

Speaker 45 Color me impressed.

Speaker 1 How do you do that?

Speaker 46 Take me to knowledge college.

Speaker 9 I mean, I'm fortunate enough

Speaker 6 to

Speaker 47 darken here.

Speaker 59 What's going on now?

Speaker 41 You've got that boy up in your body? No, no, no.

Speaker 28 No, no, no. That's my

Speaker 41 genitals.

Speaker 43 That's a boy.

Speaker 9 No, no, my genitals take many different shapes, and right now they're 1% in your body.

Speaker 28 They have shape-shifted and two-way.

Speaker 12 Annoying boy.

Speaker 56 I'm going back to this room right now.

Speaker 1 Oh, uh, Space Love, what the hell are you doing under the bed sheets?

Speaker 55 Are you trying to pass off

Speaker 6 in this moment

Speaker 36 yourself?

Speaker 58 I hear what you're saying, but the evidence is to the contrary.

Speaker 10 Well, thanks, IQQ. Great time.

Speaker 22 Really fun time.

Speaker 22 Thank you so much.

Speaker 28 No, see you later.

Speaker 44 And he's not in that room.

Speaker 31 Boss, do you want us to kill them?

Speaker 55 Please.

Speaker 30 No, no, no, no, no.

Speaker 26 We gotta go. We gotta go.
Bye.

Speaker 44 Somebody bring me my sex gun so I can blow the shit out of these people with sex.

Speaker 8 Here it is.

Speaker 16 Thank you.

Speaker 54 Kill the

Speaker 26 Bergie, we gotta go.

Speaker 43 We gotta go, Bergie.

Speaker 45 I was meant to be hurt.

Speaker 56 I was meant

Speaker 48 to be dissed.

Speaker 48 Attention, Rebels. This is your cool, fun leader, Rolfus Tittle, here to tell you that support for the rebellion against the dumb dumb Federated Alliance comes from Miundis.

Speaker 48 And fellas, support for your jewels comes from Miyundis too, because Miyundi's diamond-seamed pouch cradles them without feeling too tight.

Speaker 48 That's why Miyundis will be the most comfortable pair of underwear you will ever own. Guaranteed.

Speaker 48 You will love your undies, or your money back. Your money back, rebels.
And Miyundis also has tons of different styles and colors of women's underwear. Undies for everyone.

Speaker 48 And right now, there's an exclusive offer only for rebels like you.

Speaker 39 20% off your first pair plus free shipping. What?

Speaker 39 Just go to meundies.com/slash zix, z-y-x-x for that offer. That's meundies.com/slash zix for the softest underwear you will ever own.
Guaranteed. Rolfus Tittle.

Speaker 39 Over and out. The Alliance sucks.

Speaker 19 Alright, so that was fun, right?

Speaker 9 I think I was hit by the sex gun.

Speaker 17 I was definitely hit by the sex gun.

Speaker 41 I don't think I was.

Speaker 9 Of course not.

Speaker 17 We were trying to shoot you from the blood.

Speaker 11 Thanks, guys.

Speaker 15 Yeah, that's true.

Speaker 9 Couldn't handle the sex gun.

Speaker 25 Maybe someday, right, guys?

Speaker 15 Oh, sure.

Speaker 15 Sure.

Speaker 61 Anyone have a sandwich?

Speaker 23 Oh. You should probably let him out.

Speaker 15 Yes.

Speaker 6 Um. Alright.

Speaker 61 Wait a second. This is not the.
What is this? Where are you taking me?

Speaker 28 You do you know who I am? That's very important.

Speaker 28 Just play Friday.

Speaker 9 Just play Flappy Girlfriend on this data pad.

Speaker 18 Oh, yeah.

Speaker 61 I've been on level 19 the last time I played.

Speaker 9 I'm already up 38.

Speaker 28 What?

Speaker 54 That was so fast.

Speaker 44 Yo, Mother Juckers is gonna be on level dead.

Speaker 47 Oh, that's right.

Speaker 44 I snuck on this ship with a sex gun.

Speaker 47 One more place in the morning.

Speaker 29 I got this.

Speaker 19 I got this.

Speaker 40 Wait, what?

Speaker 17 Normally I would have to report this, but as I am not streaming, this is yet another injection into space we need not report.

Speaker 6 Wow.

Speaker 10 Poor IQQ.

Speaker 9 Yeah, he wasn't that bad.

Speaker 21 No.

Speaker 18 I feel like I'm not a good person. He's the only person.

Speaker 11 He's the only person I ever met who gave me a nickname.

Speaker 9 Oh, Sugar Cane.

Speaker 9 It just doesn't fit.

Speaker 18 Why not?

Speaker 27 Ambassador Sugar Cane.

Speaker 9 Worse.

Speaker 23 Hey, listen, can we C-53, can we call Dermot and let him know we found Tillian?

Speaker 17 Very well. Establishing contact with Junior Missions Operations Manager, Nermit Lendloy.

Speaker 65 Hey, Nerm.

Speaker 22 Dermot, we did it.

Speaker 31 Tillian.

Speaker 11 Tillian Rump, Tarian Rumpf is safe and sound on the Bargerian Jade.

Speaker 18 Oh, that's wow.

Speaker 32 Wow.

Speaker 31 Honestly, I had complete faith in you, but I also thought you might mess it up.

Speaker 33 Okay.

Speaker 31 So, thanks. Okay, just don't look at all the jars.
I'm gonna move the camera.

Speaker 20 How many times did we weren't there for

Speaker 15 two hours?

Speaker 31 I drink water when I'm nervous. Alright, so this is the next phase of the mission.
Tillian Rumf needs to be dropped at a nearby amusement park. It's a mobile amusement park.

Speaker 34 Oh,

Speaker 19 That's him.

Speaker 16 Okay.

Speaker 16 Okay.

Speaker 31 So you're going to drop Tillian Ruff onto Bargie's son, and his mother is going to surreptitiously pick him up, and this will have never happened.

Speaker 17 Shall I upload the record to you?

Speaker 31 No, no, no, no, no, no.

Speaker 17 I wasn't streaming, but I was, of course, recording.

Speaker 31 No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, that has to be destroyed.

Speaker 17 I will need to see the seal of a member of the Council of Seven to read the footage.

Speaker 31 I used the paper with the seal to clean up a spill. What did you do?

Speaker 31 One of the jars overflowed.

Speaker 49 All right, Nermit. Listen, we'll drop the

Speaker 33 off. We'll talk to you later.

Speaker 31 Okay, amazing work. We literally work secretly for the council.

Speaker 8 Oh, I don't know.

Speaker 17 Yeah.

Speaker 31 I've been training with videos. Here, watch this.

Speaker 17 Oh, okay.

Speaker 28 I'm going to sign off.

Speaker 28 I'm going to sign off.

Speaker 31 Yep. Okay.

Speaker 11 And transmission. Bye, Nermit.

Speaker 30 Hey, Mom.

Speaker 19 You're looking good. You look thinner.

Speaker 31 Thanks, mom.

Speaker 65 You still doing this amusement park thing? That's good.

Speaker 66 Yeah, mom, I'm still in an amusement park.

Speaker 17 I don't know.

Speaker 66 Mom, I am not doing this with you today. I am an amusement park.

Speaker 64 I'm proud of it.

Speaker 66 I've worked worked really hard at it. Are you uh dating?

Speaker 19 Are you in a stable relationship?

Speaker 21 Mom?

Speaker 67 Oh, come on. What?

Speaker 19 I owe you concerned about my son.

Speaker 67 No, I'm not. I'm not.
Okay.

Speaker 64 Oh, okay. It's my dream.
It's my dream to be an amusement park.

Speaker 65 Entry price.

Speaker 19 How do people actually pay money to enter you?

Speaker 57 Sometimes. Sometimes.

Speaker 31 Sometimes if you know.

Speaker 19 You need to understand your worth.

Speaker 32 Are you?

Speaker 66 Okay, here we go. I've

Speaker 19 got a lot of movies I was in the sky

Speaker 64 Yes, because you've told me so many times.

Speaker 67 I'm leaving.

Speaker 17 I'm leaving.

Speaker 21 No, I'm gone. I'm gonna give you some gas.

Speaker 67 No, no,

Speaker 64 I'm getting my own gas, mom. I get my own gas.

Speaker 61 I'm on level 18, baby nine.

Speaker 7 She's gone into letters.

Speaker 66 Mom, I don't know why we do this.

Speaker 61 Remember when you were young?

Speaker 17 Do you remember who was the one who held you tight when we went through that black hole together?

Speaker 64 Who's you?

Speaker 19 I stick here for you, okay? Okay. Just take a little gas.

Speaker 64 I'm not taking gas. I have gas, mom.
Ga!

Speaker 68 Tillian, Tillian, is that you?

Speaker 61 Mommy?

Speaker 68 It's me under the cloak.

Speaker 61 Oh, right. I was having the time of my life.

Speaker 64 What the juck is going on inside of me right now?

Speaker 40 I don't know what's your issue.

Speaker 24 Who's near the the cotton candy stand?

Speaker 61 All I was doing over there was vomiting, and people were paying me to do it.

Speaker 68 You don't know how disappointed we are.

Speaker 61 I wanted to be known for my opt of the vomit.

Speaker 64 Yeah, you should just let your son do what he's passionate about.

Speaker 14 It's the.

Speaker 12 It's me, it's the amusement park.

Speaker 66 Yeah, I'm talking to you right now.

Speaker 68 Jillian Rana can't see me.

Speaker 19 I was never here.

Speaker 46 No, I see you.

Speaker 34 Yeah, so.

Speaker 61 But the cloak that says seven best friends, and I'm one of them. Well, you know, I'll go home, mommy.
Because I'm no longer a virgin.

Speaker 66 Yeah, that's my not a virgin alarm going off. Something I came up with myself.
So I'm innovating.

Speaker 31 Proudy, I'm proud of you. Okay, thanks, mom.
I'll see you during XMars.

Speaker 66 Yeah, I'll see you during X Mars.

Speaker 25 You guys still get together for X Mars?

Speaker 2 Good.

Speaker 19 Yeah, give your mother a kiss.

Speaker 55 Hey, Bargy, your son seems fine.

Speaker 11 He seems like he's making his way in this, you know, crazy galaxy, you know?

Speaker 19 I guess that's true.

Speaker 19 Except, did you see the back side of that amusement park?

Speaker 60 No, no.

Speaker 60 Sea Red IT5 Credits and attributions droid commencing outro protocol.

Speaker 65 Ambassador Pleck Deck Center was played by Alden Ford. C-53E was played by Jeremy Benn.
Security Officer Dar was played by Ali Kokesh.

Speaker 65 Junior Missions Operations Manager Nermit Bundaloy and Counselor Rumpf were played by Seth Lind. Bargie the Ship and Tillian Rumpf were played by Mujan Zolfagari.

Speaker 65 Club Light Infantry Nomadic Troopers and Blimpy the Amusement Park were played by Winston Knoll. IQQ was played by special guest Jordan Carlos.

Speaker 65 He has been seen on Guy Code, Girl Code, The Nightly Show with Larry Wilmore, Comedy Central's Live at Gotham, The Colbert Report, Nurse Jackie, Girls, Broad City, and Samantha B's Not the White House Correspondence Dinner.

Speaker 65 Follow him on Twitter at Jordan Carlos. Mission to Six is recorded at Braun Studios in Greenpoint, Brooklyn by engineer Shane O'Connell.
This episode, edited by Seth Lind.

Speaker 65 With sound design and mix by Shane O'Connell. Music by Brendan Ryan.
Opening crawl narration by Jeremy Cretchley. Ship design for the Bargerian Jade by Eric Goyce.

Speaker 65 Mission to Zix is brought to this galaxy by Audioboom. Thanks, Audioboom.

Speaker 65 Don't forget to check out our website at missiontozix.space, where you can contact the crew, buy delicious merchandise, and get info about our upcoming live performances.

Speaker 65 This week's outro music is a cover of Brendan Ryan's theme by listener Brian Kelly. Chuck yeah, Brian.

Speaker 16 Oh, what's up, my man? How you doing?

Speaker 43 How is it going?

Speaker 54 You know,

Speaker 54 I can't tell it. You know what I'm saying?

Speaker 45 I'm just a Tellurian just trying to make as much a clunt.

Speaker 54 Croons, croons, croonet.

Speaker 41 Croons.

Speaker 45 I'm just a clint trying to make as many crunes as possible. You know what I'm saying?

Speaker 66 This is an extremely involved handshake.

Speaker 48 Yeah, you got damn right.

Speaker 66 Well, I am familiar with many types of handshake.

Speaker 69 Oh, there's no god, so goddamn is uh flip. So you can always cut it to damn, so you're welcome to say goddamn.
It's always cuttable, but yeah, you can make up a new god absolutely.

Speaker 48 Uh, ride down, how's that? Rod,

Speaker 48 yeah, ride down.

Speaker 48 You all right, man.

Speaker 58 You can hang out, and the rest of y'all can hang out too.

Speaker 45 Because let me tell you something about the zinc district, man.

Speaker 54 Do you know about the zinc district?