112: Jumped by a Shark [ft. Josh Patten]

The period of civil war has ended.

The rebels have defeated the evil galactic monarchy and established the harmonious Federated Alliance.

Now, Ambassador Pleck Deck Setter and his intrepid crew travel the farthest reaches of the galaxy to explore astounding new worlds, discover their heroic destinies, and meet weird bug creatures and stuff.

This

is Mission

Bargie, you're the swellest ship I ever saw.

And I just want to tell you,

I'm in love with you.

Oh, Jijo.

You know those sweet nothings.

They mean nothing to me, not after you left me that time before.

Hey, that happened.

I can't erase that.

You don't love me.

You never did.

What can I do to make it up to you?

I know I'm just a humble space architect.

Do you want the moon, Bargie?

If you give me the moon, I'll let you enter my hatch.

Alright then.

Initiating Space Lasso Protocol.

Oh, you darling boy, get in here.

Get in here.

Bargie, you won't regret it.

I love you.

I love you, too.

I love.

I love you.

Wow, one of the best endings in history.

You know, I always forget, La Crane La Crosse was so good.

And Bargie, you looked so young.

Was that one of your first films?

Wow.

Wow.

It's interesting, though, that your voice.

I guess I just expected your voice would sound different.

Why would Bargie's voice age like a Tellurian voice?

I don't know.

I don't know.

I really just assumed.

But Bargie, you look great.

Your paint is so smooth.

Your hole is very shiny.

Man.

Oh, wow.

But you were really eyeing her a hole in that one.

No,

it was...

Shiny.

Why would you describe my hole now?

I mean, it's like

it's like seen some battle, like seen some action.

I think all of our hands are raised.

Yeah, but you literally have been in battles.

Yeah, I've been in many battles, but does it affect my whole?

I don't want to.

No, I'm not telling you guys.

Imagine telling a Tellurian woman,

hey, you look like you've seen a lot of battle.

Do you think that would go over well even if she had as a shift?

I feel like answer his question.

Yeah, I would not do I would not do that.

Yeah, okay.

Also, I should just clarify.

I said hull H-U-L-L, not hole.

Oh,

it definitely sounded like hull.

I have a rangus accent, so people always say

very close.

My hull is my hole, though.

My hole is in my hall.

Therefore, my hull is my hole.

Yeah, that's that's a good point.

Ambassador Sugarcane, I have an incoming transmission from Junior Missions Operations Manager Nermit Bundaloy.

Hey, Nermit.

What's up?

Hey, guys.

What?

What's going on, man?

Yeah.

Why is your face so swollen?

I

let me look in the...

Oh, yeah.

Okay.

Are you alright?

No, I'm good.

I just have some deficiencies because

there's a bit of a situation where I'm under performance review and you don't get rations during that time, so I'm

Junior Missions Operations Manager Nermit Bundler.

When was the last time you ate?

Oh boy.

Okay, so the day before yesterday was the two days ago and the day and then before that was three.

Nermit,

they're withholding rations from you?

Yeah, they tell me it's normal if you're just during the process of review it's supposed to be fast, but then the reviewers are on vacation, so I'm that seems like cruel.

That seems cool, especially for someone your size.

Like, your metabolism is probably pretty fast, right?

Like, you're just saying.

I found a

binder in my desk that was made of some kind of skin, and I ate that, so I'm good.

I think you're having an allergic reaction to it.

You can't just eat a binder.

Oh, you can.

I found out you can.

I did it.

Ate it.

Man, dermit.

I'm worried about you, buddy.

You want us to send that bean?

You know, I was going to say I wanted to thank you for shipping it, but then the box was empty.

Oh, haha.

Oh, yeah, we didn't.

Yeah, we didn't send it.

We thought it would be funny as a goof.

Oh,

it's probably better.

I was just eating that bean.

Anyway, I'm good.

I'm my hands are puffy, so I can't

see 53.

Is he gonna be alright?

I'm not 100% certain.

Would you like me to dispatch a medical team to his office?

You can dispatch.

From here?

Dispatching medical teams.

No, no, no, no, no.

You know how I take the

ground.

down on the ground, get down on the ground.

Can I end the video before they don't have to be able to do it?

Nervit?

Mommy.

Hello, crew.

Uh, hi.

Hi.

Hello.

I've sedated your junior missions operations.

We watched it.

Yeah, we saw that.

It was

pretty great.

If there is a transmit button,

if there's a transmit button on his console, you could just send whatever mission he was.

So do I have to hold something when I hit transmit, or is it just transmit?

Just transmit.

Hey, hold on, just what

is he saying something?

He's saying dar.

Nermit, finish that sentence.

Shoot him up again with the set.

Seems like a lot for such a small creature.

He's out.

I really thought I was gonna learn something, but you know, me too.

Okay, so transmit just press the transmit button on the console and it should deliver that information to us right away.

Okay, I get your tone.

I'm not A2574.

You know, he's a real idiot.

Yeah, we don't we don't know who that is.

You've not met him before.

No, he's an idiot.

Yeah,

I think I have an idea.

I can I can conjure an image of what kind of an idiot he might be.

Yeah.

Is it the big red one?

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

Okay, I'm gonna hit the bottom.

And

inside that flap,

hit him again.

He's got a round both chain two.

And, okay, big red button and transmit.

Great.

Great.

Thanks.

Please take a look at the money.

Yeah, sure,

but take your nermit for me.

Hey, Dar,

I think your concern for Nermit is really sweet.

Just want to say that.

It's not so much that I care for Nermit, it's just I've never, you know, jucked someone of his species, and that would be a real coup to check that off the list.

Dar, listen.

His species is very fragile.

Incredibly.

Could you imagine 19 inches of him and me?

They have hollow bones, though.

The risk to Nermit would be considerable in that situation.

You know, I think he'd die doing what he liked, though.

A bunch of papers just fell.

Oh.

We are receiving printouts of our mission.

Hello, does anyone copy?

This is Rebel Pilot Hark Tardagast.

I've ejected from my Sasus pod, and only this badly torn parachute is keeping me aloft above the vast sea of lava below.

As I descend to my fiery demise, my final consolation is that I will die wearing my favorite t-shirt.

Sure, it features a ship from the fleet of the pathetic Federated Alliance, but I don't care because it's the Bargerian Jade, my favorite movie star of all time.

Wait, what's this on the label?

It says you too can possess this shirt by simply visiting mission to 6.space and clicking merch.

Amazing!

Ah!

There goes a parachute corp!

No!

Well, if I have encouraged just one person to acquire a t-shirt this stylish, my life will not have been in vain.

Ah, the heat!

My folks are catching fire!

As I am consumed by this alien inferno, I shall declare with my final words that this t-shirt makes the perfect X-Mars gift.

Order now, admission to 6.space.

So, C-53, can you explain to me what we're supposed to be doing here?

Yes, we are making contact with the dominant species of Dojo.

Oh, and what is that?

It is a sentient form of moss.

You can see it growing here and

here.

Here.

Here.

Okay.

And here.

Plexides everywhere.

Yeah,

I guess let's get started.

Dar, you brought a koozie or?

Yes, I brought a koozie.

Alright.

People of Dojam.

Sorry, moss is...

Is it like one moss?

Or?

Ambassador Sugarcane, if you'd read my report about Dojam, you would know that speaking to them

They can't hear.

Oh.

Okay.

The moss on Rangus 6 here?

Not to my knowledge, but they can't.

Well, I guess

chalk it up to a wash, I guess.

If you had read my report, you would know that manipulating the moss with your hands in a soothing manner is how you win their trust.

Okay.

Allow me to demonstrate.

Oh, I think I'd be really good at that.

Let me give it a shot.

Huh.

Yeah, I'm really good at it.

It's just that simple.

Mm-hmm.

Alright.

So just like this?

What are you doing?

I don't know.

I was just pressing on the mod.

You never touched something else?

What I was supposed to...

How do you do caress?

Okay, let me try this again.

So, caress, you say.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Okay.

Listen, I feel like I'm making this moss uncomfortable.

What are you doing?

Yeah, just

back it up.

Back it up.

Oh, okay.

Yeah, see how C is doing it?

Not too much pressure.

Okay.

Let yourself be guided by the curve of the moss.

You know, when I was a kid, C53, I always thought a robot would teach me how to love, but this is not how I pictured it.

Is there something I should be doing?

No, no, I think we're good.

If you guys got it, you know, all figured out, then I guess let's.

I'm sorry I didn't read your report, but what's the should have expected it by now?

What should we be looking for here?

On Doja?

Yeah.

Well, you have a mattress to port the Bargerian Jane, don't you?

I'm supposed to, but it hasn't arrived yet.

Well, when you do, it will be full of

moss.

Really?

That's correct.

It says.

So mattresses are filled with sentient moss?

No, of course.

They've long since deceased by the time they become mattresses.

Oh, I feel weird about that, I think.

Plex, does this mean you'll cancel your mattress order?

I have to sleep on sentient.

I can't get in non-sentient mattresses.

Dojan mattresses are not only some of the most comfortable mattresses in the galaxy, but also the most affordable.

Really?

So, wait, C-53, there's no other intelligent life on the planet?

Well, if you had taken the time to read my report,

actually, I seem to be getting a sense of reading there is another life form.

Really?

Excuse me.

Excuse me.

Which one of you has been agitating the moss?

This guy.

No, I was just trying to caress it, but I don't know what it is.

Yeah, you don't look very likable, but it is nice to see another Taloriate.

Yeah, hey, likewise.

Are you here?

No,

I'm just here for work.

Oh, yeah, us too.

We're with the Federated Alliance.

That is correct.

This is Ambassador Sugarcane.

No, No, my name is Pleck Deck Setter.

Ah, but on the streets you're real sweet.

No, I just I updated my personal file because I thought it would make me feel cool.

But actually now that someone I don't know is hearing it, it seems dumb.

I'm into it.

Yeah, okay.

Well, this is Dar.

Oh, hello.

My name's Maganak.

Oh, Maganak?

Yeah.

Hey, what are you doing here on Dojam?

I work for the Federated...

Well, the regional banking system.

You work for the bank?

Yeah.

Oh, that's really fun, right?

Well, you know, it takes me from here to there.

And it's not fun right now because this planet is in a heap of a financial crisis.

Dojam is in a financial crisis?

Dojam, look around.

The economy's falling apart.

All I see is moss.

Well, just, okay, scratch under the moss real quick.

Okay.

See that?

Yeah.

Okay.

Okay,

just scratch under the grass.

It's pleck, actually.

Pleck?

Yeah.

Where are you from?

I'm from Rangus 6.

It's a farm plant.

Yeah.

Right.

No, no, no.

I know where it is.

Rangus.

Yeah, well, I'm from Rangus 2, so I I get.

Oh, yeah.

Well, they're pretty different.

Okay, well, no, it's just, it's it's cool to be neighbors.

I wouldn't say that we're neighbors.

I mean, we're four planets apart.

Yeah.

It's hot there, though, right?

Oh, it's hot and it's beautiful.

The grass is as blue as the sky is orange.

Wow.

Yeah.

Yeah, I've heard it's really great.

I never got to go.

When I was a kid, when my family had enough money to travel, we'd just go to the other side of Rangus 6 to visit family.

Okay, yeah.

We don't let you come.

That was the other part of it.

That was the other part of it that I've got the stumbling block because we have a very strict immigration policy.

Anybody from Orangus 4 and above is

not allowed.

Yeah, yeah.

Well, it's great to meet you.

Yeah, no, it's great to meet one of you.

One of me?

Yeah, one of you.

On Rangus 2, we do feel like you're a little bit sub-Tullurian.

Huh, interesting.

Yeah, so how did you become a

big ambassador with the Federation?

Do you have have some sort of disease that they feel sorry for you?

Oh, yeah, no, no, it's nothing like that, actually.

I enlisted, and they took me.

Yeah.

I got this cool security officer.

It's great, Droid follows me around.

Meganek, you said Dojam has a financial crisis?

Dojam does have a financial crisis, because if you...

Okay, again,

back to the moss.

Okay.

If you scratch underneath it, you can see there's a...

Yeah.

And just, you feel that?

That's a croon.

And if you dig deeper, you'll find more and more.

Wait,

this planet is covered in croon?

It's covered in croon.

Wait,

when you say croon...

Croon.

I've been saying croons like it's plural.

Oh, you Ranger Six idiot.

No, everybody says that.

Everybody on Rangus Six?

No, I'm pretty sure almost everyone says croon swords.

Oh, really?

Your friends who are paid to work with you?

Okay, that's a good idea.

Yeah, don't even croon.

Yeah.

Okay,

anyone who works with someone is paid to work with that other person.

That's just what a coworker is.

But most coworkers would hang out outside of work.

Well, we hang out outside of work.

Yeah, and if I don't hang out with you, I'm just on my two mattresses hanging out alone in my room.

Two mattresses on the ship?

Ooh, that's a lot of moss.

Nice.

That must be extremely comfortable.

It is.

I sleep like a dream.

Dar, are you sure that one of those mattresses is not mine?

Positive.

Is the other mattress mine?

They're both.

Okay.

I just had to check.

I'm sleeping

Give it a rest, Pluck.

I don't think she should take it.

Pleck.

Okay.

Alright, anyway, back to the croon.

Listen, I just feel like we need to agree to disagree about what the plural of croon is.

Okay, well, I disagree to agree because it's crooned.

Okay.

In my dictionary, croon is the preferred word, but croons is noted as an informal, popular version.

Yeah, C53, you're the expert on everything.

You say croones.

To make you more comfortable?

Me personally.

Yes.

C53, are you programmed to cater to my ignorance?

Ambassador Sugar.

Have I not been performing updates?

You know what?

Change the name back.

Re-update the file.

I just want to be Pleck Dexter again.

Updating file.

Dar,

how do you say croons?

Am I an idiot?

Not.

Don't answer that.

Don't answer that.

Not generally.

Are you an idiot?

Dar, come on.

I'm just saying.

Oh, boy, where where do I begin?

You've

shot me.

You've insulted nearly every person we visited on any planet.

Okay, listen, Dar, I have heard you say croones before.

Do you even know what croon are?

Yes, obviously I know what croon are.

I don't think you do.

Okay, it's a

coin minted by the Federated Alliance out of a precious metal, and it can also be used in electronic chip cards that

we transfer electronically or over over at

whatever.

No, no, that's not at all what croon are.

Kroon is the alliance-wide standard of currency that we use.

It's based on gold, but it can also be uploaded to a credit chip, so it gives dual use of either a hard currency or a soft currency that's then distributed from planet to planet depending on their economy and can then be used by those planets and those individuals to shave off and operate their own gold standards.

So it's sort of a double decentralization system that keeps the economy afloat.

So if I'm the central bank, I can make the croon that you have, like the one you have in your pocket, or you can become your own central bank and shave off the precious metal portion of your croon into what I guess you would call them bid croon.

Your initial croon is the basis of that financial system.

You're sort of the arbiter of the whole thing.

But doesn't the bit croon isn't that just pieces of croon?

Well, yeah.

Or a lot of people call them croons.

That's what you call croons?

Yeah, croons.

You acted like what I was saying was insane.

We were talking about croon.

I don't.

What is this?

What is this coin that I am holding in my hand right now?

Wait.

Let me see that croon.

There you go.

Oh, no, this is counterfeit.

This appears to be a keck.

This is a keck croon.

You see on the back of the croon, there's the council?

Yep.

All seven of them?

Yep.

You notice anything different about this one?

Oh.

Oh, one of them's a weaver.

Yeah, I'd recognize one of those anywhere.

So we'll just toss that one out.

Okay.

Listen, your job sounds really interesting.

Congratulations.

Well,

it is very interesting, but this is a very stressful situation right now because the problem with this planet is that the moss can't physically manipulate the croon.

So the whole economy is completely out of whack.

How does the money, how do the croons get here?

They're delivered by the regional representative of the central bank, who you are looking at right now.

You don't think the alliance just takes the moss to make mattresses out of it, do you?

Yeah, we're not going to just strip a planet of its moss.

So you harvest the moss?

I don't harvest the moss.

The mattress companies harvest the moss.

What would a banker be doing stealing mattress filling from a planet?

Man, this is...

Listen, Maganak,

I guess I still don't understand why this constitutes like a...

financial crisis.

Like,

why can't the moss just keep the croon?

Well, why would they do that when they have much better opportunities

than on Dojam?

They have much better opportunities.

How?

Well, take me, for instance.

Okay.

Okay, here you go.

So give me two croon right now.

Give me two of your own croon right now.

Okay.

Okay.

Thanks.

So here's where it gets interesting.

Okay.

So now that I have two of your croon, what you need to do is you need to go to two of your friends and ask them for two croon.

Uh-huh.

So then you have four croon minus the two croon that you gave me.

Uh-huh.

Uh-huh.

And then you tell tell them to get two of their friends.

Okay.

And so on and so forth.

That's a very exciting business opportunity, and the growth just multiplies.

That sounds like a tetrahedron scheme to me.

A tetrahedron scheme?

Yeah.

Wow.

No, it's a tetrahedron scheme is when four people ask four of their friends.

That's what tetrahedron is.

It's the same thing.

That's the same thing.

It's the same thing.

It's not the same thing.

Words matter.

Ambassador Jackson, I would advise you not to get involved in Mega Max scheme.

I I know, I know that.

That's very obvious.

I just don't see why this is so hard.

I mean, you have two friends right here.

You can ask for two croon now.

I am not going to help you.

No, no, no.

I would never give him money.

I guess I'm just out two croons now.

Croons.

You know what?

I'm having a great time here on this moss planet.

Are you?

No.

Are you?

You know why?

Because you've never lived.

Yeah, man.

You've never lived.

Okay.

All right.

Do you even know how many croon I have?

I've taken a croon bath on a space yacht.

That sounds particularly confusing.

Yes, it was not comfortable, but I got some great photos from it.

Okay, well, congratulations.

Have you ever bought a space yacht just so you could crash your space yacht into it?

Have you ever jet snorked over both space yachts while they both crash?

Just dust it out of your damn mind?

No, no, I haven't.

Did you really jet snorkel over two yachts crashing into each other?

Yes, I jet snorked over two yachts crashing into each other.

Yes, I bought the second yacht so I could crash my first yacht into it.

Meganak, if I may,

that seems somewhat wasteful to do with your crime.

Oh, yeah.

Are you kidding me?

It's all wasteful.

Is this money that you earned through your job?

No.

What?

Where did you get the money?

Where do you think?

From the council.

And I'm managing a lot of money from the council into my pockets.

How is that?

I mean, that's illegal.

Yeah, well, and I'm just the regional representative of the bank.

If you think I'm wasting money, you should just see the council.

The council of seven.

Yeah, how much are we talking here?

Trillions.

The whole system, from top to bottom.

There's a mound of space yachts crashed right outside of Alliance headquarters.

It's funny because when I was growing up, I always thought it really was unfortunate that I, you know, a Rangus 6 normie, grew up poor, stuck on that farm plant.

I couldn't visit any other Rangus planets.

And, you know, all these people in the core worlds are just flying yachts into each other.

We're just, I took a bath in dust.

In dust?

In dust.

Alright, and I was already high on dust when I did it.

I didn't even do any of the dust in the dust bath.

Now that sounds wasteful, guys.

It's very wasteful, which is why I'm here.

Wait, why are you here?

Take some of these croon.

Just take them from the moss?

Yes.

I thought you said you were regulating the local economy.

Yeah, I say a lot of things to a lot of people.

But see, Maganek, look, the croon on this planet planet belongs to this moss.

I can't believe I'm saying that.

But you can't take croon from a sentient plant.

Of course I can.

That's consent.

I just think that's a noise they make.

No, that's no.

That counts.

This whole thing's a croon grab, baby.

Come on, stuff your pockets.

Take all you want.

Take all I want?

Take all the croon that you can fit.

Oh, juck, juck, juck.

Everybody,

shut the juck up.

Shut the juck up.

Is that a loan shark?

Shut the juck up.

A loan shark.

Wow.

Magonet.

I know you're here.

Yeah, Finneford.

Yeah, it's me, Finneford Shave Ryan.

Yeah, I know your full name.

We know each other.

You don't have to say that we know every time.

You owe me a lot of croon.

But here you go.

I have some croon here.

You can take it.

Is that decentralized croon?

What's the...

You're the arbiter of that.

Okay, so if I take this,

now I'm the central banker.

Yeah.

Right.

So now could I borrow some croon?

Just shave off however much you think I deserve.

Right, okay.

Yeah.

So just I just want you guys to know that like loan sharks are very aggressive, but very, very gullible.

Interesting.

Yeah.

So he's tracked me down throughout most of the galaxy.

Right, he has a scent on you.

Yeah, he's either sort of a charm.

Well, loan sharks, if there's like one croon in a whole system, they can smell it and then put them into a frenzy.

Yeah, yeah.

All right, yeah, this is this is good.

I got some shavings here.

Okay, so Finneford, we're good.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, well, we're good, because what I'm gonna do is give this to two of my friends, right?

Yeah,

and then I'll give the wait a minute, and then they ask for okay, we guys have we guys, we have to go.

Wait, we've done this before, guys.

We have to go.

Come on, tell me.

Nobody scams Finnefer J.

Ryan twice

Magnac I think I'm gonna leave you to this I don't want to get involved no no no just hold just give me one second Finnefer yes

I owe you some croon don't I that's right Magnac you owe me a lot of croon.

Okay, well here you go take this croon.

Okay then

it's you're the arbiter of that now.

Alright, so I'm the central banker now?

Yeah.

I feel like we saw this happen to you.

Yeah.

So you just shave off whatever you need and then we're welcome.

Alright, let me go shave off some right

You need to take me with you because this cycle will continue.

I've been trapped on this planet and doing the same thing with this loan shark.

I sold my ship

to who?

A dust dealer.

How do you think I took a dust bath without having a ship's worth of value?

Yeah.

So I'm gonna take this and give it to two of my friends.

And I'll give them to two of their friends, right?

Yep, that's right.

Hey.

Okay, we need to go.

Take me on your ship.

I feel like you just gotta stay here and figure this out.

Yeah, I feel like I can't get it.

Ah, Finneford.

Nobody scams Finneford Jay Ryan.

Yeah, I know your full name.

You don't have to say it all the time.

What?

Alright, so I owe you some croon.

Finneford.

Finifer.

What?

Who are you?

I'm Ambassador Pleck Dak Setter.

I work for the Federated Alliance.

Formerly known as Ambassador Sugar Cane.

It's not normally.

Oh, Sugar Cane.

You like to give it up sweet.

No, I don't.

Stop.

No.

Listen, Finiford.

Finneford Jay Ryan.

Can I ask you

how does your species ever collect a debt?

How does your species?

I'm in this kind of suit that's filled with water.

No, no, no.

I don't mean how can you survive outside of water.

I just am wondering, like,

how do you generally go about collecting a debt?

We pursue and pursue and pursue.

Yeah.

We gotta keep moving, Bayne.

But if you, how much does Maganak owe you?

He owes me a lot of croon!

Alright, hey, Finiford, how much croon do I owe you?

You owe me a lot of croon, Maganak.

Alright, well, here's some croon.

Are we square?

Alright, wait, so is this decentralized?

Well, you're the arbiter of that.

Okay.

You know, just.

Alright, well, let me go and I'll scrape some of this croon off right now.

All right.

Where is he going every time?

He probably has to keep moving.

Just me healing.

All right.

This seems square.

Alright, so we're good?

Seems like it.

Alright, great.

Wait a minute.

MAGADACK!

Come on, I'm begging you.

Take me with you.

I need to get off this planet.

No, listen, we gotta go, Maganak.

Come on.

You know what?

Imagine that I'm Rangus 2 and you're Rangus 6.

You don't get to get on my ship because you're not a good person.

Come on, where are you going?

No, no, come on.

Please, please, please, please.

So long, Maganak.

I'll give you anything.

Good luck with anything?

Yeah.

You want some croon?

Magadak!

We should go.

I guess I still don't really understand how croon works.

Oh, here, I'll show you.

Um, watch out because all of these chutes are evacuated.

Oh, my.

Wow.

Oh.

How is that?

Now that is a lot of croon.

Woo!

Ha!

Wow.

Oh, my.

That was filled to the brim.

Dar, can I just ask, how much of you is like empty space?

Empty space inside?

Yeah.

I would say half, half.

50?

50%.

50%.

Whoa.

Man, I think there is a little bit of something on those croon.

I feel crazy right now.

Well, it's a well-known fact that all croon contains traces of dust.

Oh, sure.

Yeah.

That makes sense.

That makes sense.

Hey, I got time for your mail.

Delivery time.

Oh.

Oh.

Dog, you got a letter.

From who?

Am I supposed to not open your mail?

C-53, you got a couple of coins in the mail.

Oh, excellent.

Oh, hey!

Haha!

It's from the Federated Alliance.

Maybe my mattress has finally arrived.

That does appear to be a mattress box.

Yeah.

Great.

And huh?

It's

empty.

Ambassador Dexter.

I have an incoming transmission from Junior Missions Operations Manager Nermit Buntaloy.

Hey, Nermit.

Hey guys.

Hey.

Oh, you're looking better.

Thank you.

Yeah, yeah.

I'm keeping liquids down.

I uh finished my review, so I'm technically allowed to eat if I can physically pull it off.

So congratulations.

Thanks.

It did a swelling go down.

I haven't uh yeah, pretty, I mean, mostly.

What about my hands?

Oh, no.

Not those.

Alright.

Cool, cool, cool, cool, cool.

Do you remember anything that you were trying to say before you were, I don't know, shocked for the third or fourth time?

I remember eating part of a bulletin board.

I don't remember saying anything.

I ate

a cloak.

A cloak?

Where did you find a cloak?

It was in the cloakroom.

Yeah.

Hey, thanks for the mattress box, by the way.

Yeah.

Why did you send me an empty mattress box?

Because you guys sent me the empty bean box.

Wow, nerve it.

You're right back.

Thank you.

Ambassador Dixeter, perhaps you can fashion the box into a sort of mattress.

Yeah, yeah.

Maybe I'll do that.

Hey, speaking of pranks, you guys want to see the blooper reel for ship ships into the ship?

Sure, yeah.

Alright, the only thing remaining of the movie that burned the rest of it.

There's only the blooper reel remains?

Famously, the movie was very controversial.

They were forced to burn all copies.

This sounds like a movie I'd watched during my private time on my pile of mattresses.

Pile of mattresses?

Darn, how many mattresses do you have in your room?

I really have never bothered to count.

Anyway, it's a scene in which Laclay Lacrosse was incredibly drunk and aggressive.

Oh, wow.

Nermit, if you want to stay and watch, can we keep the transmission going?

I'll make some Zincorn, see if I can hold that, keep down a solid.

Yeah, you can sit right next to me.

I mean,

I'm obviously here on a different ship, and so that's how we can.

And if you feel like you want to tell me anything during the movie,

you know, feel free.

It's starting.

Oh, Lucran looks in very bad shape.

Wow.

I've never seen a ship like you at a high society party.

Is he wearing a shirt as pants?

Vomiting while he's speaking.

You'll never.

I'm a newspaper man, and I always have been.

For a ship, you can really put down a Marsini.

Pretty serious

bloopers.

Oh, and this is yeah, I've lived this one.

These are the bloopers.

Yeah, I've lived this one.

Okay.

I can tell by the way your after thrusters wiggle out the room

that you're a whore.

Okay.

Boy, oh boy.

That was just about me.

C-Red IT5 credits and attributions join commencing outro protocol.

Ambassador Plech Deck Center was played by Alden Ford.

C-53E was played by Jeremy Bend.

Security Officer Dara was played by Ali Kokesh.

Bargie the Ship was played by Mujan Zalfagari.

Junior Missions Operations Manager Nerman Bundeloy was played by Seth Lind.

Cloned Light Infantry Nomadic Troopers La Craine La Crosse and Finnefer J.

Ryan The Lone Shark were played by Winston Knoll.

Maganak was played by special guest Josh Patton.

Josh is a writer for Saturday Night Live and a performer with UCB weekend team Grandma's Ashes.

He has also written for the Emmy Awards, the White House Correspondent Center, the SB Awards, Comedy Central Roasts, and various other TV things that hopefully made you laugh.

Follow him on Twitter at the Josh Patton.

Patton.

Mission to Zix is recorded at Braun Studios in Greenpoint, Brooklyn, by engineer Shane O'Connell.

This episode edited by Seth Lind.

With sound design and mix by Shane O'Connell.

Music by Brendan Ryan.

Opening crawl narration by Jeremy Crutchley.

Ship design for the Bargarian Jade by Eric Goyce.

Mission to Zix is brought to this galaxy by Audioboom.

Thanks, Audioboom.

Have you noticed a critical error in our canon?

Send an email to crew at mission26.space.

All right, this seems square.

All right, so we're good.

Seems like it.

All right.

Wait a minute.

Oh my god.

I can't do this.

We literally did that like eight times ago.