106: Dust-Up at the Diner [ft. Lauren Adams]

Speaker 1 The period of civil war has ended.

Speaker 1 The rebels have defeated the evil galactic monarchy and established the harmonious Federated Alliance.

Speaker 1 Now, Ambassador Pleck Dexeta and his intrepid crew travel the farthest reaches of the galaxy to explore astounding new worlds, discover their heroic destinies, and meet weird bug creatures and stuff.

Speaker 3 This

Speaker 6 is Mishmi.

Speaker 9 Hey, hey, Bargie.

Speaker 10 Yeah.

Speaker 9 Could you open the the window on this side?

Speaker 11 I think she's saying you could open it yourself.

Speaker 12 Oh.

Speaker 4 Okay.

Speaker 12 Uh

Speaker 9 boy, there's a big panel of uh buttons here.

Speaker 13 You know, back in the day,

Speaker 13 people used to line up to open my windows. Opening my windows was a luxury, but now, huh? Nothing.
Now people ask me to do it myself.

Speaker 13 Honestly, sometimes I just want to crash the ship and see what happens.

Speaker 14 You tell them, Bart.

Speaker 2 No, Barty, don't life is worth living.

Speaker 13 What if I'm going to sleep mode?

Speaker 12 Deal with it. No,

Speaker 15 she's closed all the windows. Oh, great.

Speaker 12 Ambassador Dexter, there is an incoming transmission from Junior Missions Operations Manager, Nermit Bundalo.

Speaker 2 Hello, team.

Speaker 18 Hey, Nermit, Ambassador Dexetter, how are you?

Speaker 9 Just terrific, sir. How are you?

Speaker 18 Oh, thank you for calling me, sir.

Speaker 9 Am I not supposed to do that?

Speaker 12 Hi, Nermi.

Speaker 12 C-53.

Speaker 13 I'm asleep.

Speaker 9 Yeah, Bargie,

Speaker 18 you know, she's asleep.

Speaker 20 She's pouting.

Speaker 18 When someone or something is asleep, they don't say they're asleep.

Speaker 12 Alright.

Speaker 9 Yeah, it's no, it keeps me up up at night, actually.

Speaker 18 She just has a loop of I'm asleep.

Speaker 9 It's very important to remind us, or else we won't know.

Speaker 12 Well, I guess it.

Speaker 18 I bet you a hundred croones she's just repeating it over and over.

Speaker 12 Senior Missions Operations Manager, Nerman Bundle. Was there a reason for your call?

Speaker 18 Yes, actually, I have good news.

Speaker 18 There's a slight delay on your next mission placement, so you actually have six hours of downtime.

Speaker 2 Hey, that's great. A little RR, huh?

Speaker 18 Yeah, I think you've earned it. We can't say all the missions have gone perfectly, but

Speaker 9 have some of the missions gone perfectly? Have any?

Speaker 18 No, no, none of the missions have gone perfectly. Huh.

Speaker 12 Ambassador Dexter and Dork, we are nearby to Slog's diner. We wish to spend our six-hour break somewhere slightly more interesting.

Speaker 20 Yes, sign me up.

Speaker 2 Hey, great. Yeah, I've never been, but let's give it a shot, right?

Speaker 18 I'm asleep.

Speaker 9 Wow, look at this menu. This menu is like

Speaker 9 this menu is like 50 pages long.

Speaker 17 Ambassador Dex Center, this is a standard diner menu.

Speaker 4 Perhaps you have not encountered one before.

Speaker 9 I mean, I just guess it makes sense. There's a lot of different like beings in here.
What's good?

Speaker 4 I do not eat. Oh, Ambassador Dexter.

Speaker 23 Okay.

Speaker 4 Their power is very good.

Speaker 17 I don't know if you could.

Speaker 9 They serve power. Is that one of the things in the menu?

Speaker 25 Yes.

Speaker 8 Flip to page 39.

Speaker 26 Wow. Okay, you have got to go check out that bathroom.

Speaker 21 Why? What's so cool about it?

Speaker 20 Amazing. Well, you see, each little stall has its own little hole, and each hole is connected to another stall.

Speaker 20 Do you know what I'm saying?

Speaker 9 Wait, the hole goes to a different stall? Yes.

Speaker 9 I don't think. Are you sure that's a bathroom, or is that like a series of weird glory holes?

Speaker 11 Oh, no, it's a series of weird glory holes.

Speaker 6 Oh.

Speaker 27 Can I just say that was amazing? I don't know if that's inappropriate, but that was you, right?

Speaker 26 You are behind me.

Speaker 27 Never knew anybody could get in that many holes at one time.

Speaker 20 What I enjoy about Glory Holes is that they're anonymous.

Speaker 27 Oh, sorry. Yeah, you're right.
You know what? You know what?

Speaker 1 My bad.

Speaker 6 Ugh.

Speaker 26 Hi, welcome to Slags. My name is Bory.
I'll be your waitress today. What can I get for you to drink? Or if it can hook anyone up, I'd be happy to do that too.

Speaker 6 Oh, hello, Bory.

Speaker 9 I'm Ambassador Pleck Deck Setter. We're here with the Federated Alliance.
This is C-53, and this is DAR.

Speaker 26 Interesting. You don't look like Feds to me.

Speaker 9 Well, I joined pretty recently. Maybe that's what it is.
I was out in Onrangus 6 and, you know, it was kind of boring. And I just thought, you know, I wanted some adventure.
I wanted to get out.

Speaker 9 See that. Yeah.

Speaker 19 Wow, I'd never been there.

Speaker 9 Oh, it's great. It's like mostly farmland.

Speaker 26 You know, I'd love to see that. Yeah.
I'd love to see a whole planet of salad.

Speaker 24 Bora, you could go to Rangus 6 very easily.

Speaker 4 Space fare is very inexpensive due to lack of demand. Well,

Speaker 19 lack of

Speaker 29 demand? Yeah,

Speaker 9 it's pretty boring, honestly.

Speaker 20 They have no tourism of which to speak.

Speaker 26 I never, um...

Speaker 26 I've never left the diner.

Speaker 26 Neither? I've never left the diner.

Speaker 4 Were you born at the diner?

Speaker 26 Born at the diner? And I'll die at the diner.

Speaker 9 Wait, this might be a... This might be sort of like an incentive question, but like,

Speaker 25 are you...

Speaker 9 Are you...

Speaker 20 You know, saying that doesn't make it okay to say something, right?

Speaker 9 I mean, mean, that's true, but I just I kind of curious.

Speaker 4 I feel I should step in before you make a diplomatic gas.

Speaker 26 Oh, it's almost impossible to hurt my feelings, so I think you should go ahead.

Speaker 9 Well, I was going to ask if you're if you're one of the items on the menu.

Speaker 2 Oh my god. Wow.

Speaker 9 No, not like, not in a weird, not in like an essential way.

Speaker 6 That did come out.

Speaker 25 Yeah, that did come out a little bit.

Speaker 9 No, I just mean like if you were, I just, if you were born here, are you like a product of the diner or were you like?

Speaker 26 The diner did make me, yes. That is,

Speaker 9 so at one point you were on the menu.

Speaker 26 I was made on the line in the kitchen, yeah.

Speaker 29 Wow.

Speaker 26 My dad, that's what I call the line cook, I think he was just feeling creative that day, and he said, What if I make me a daughter?

Speaker 19 Whoa, yeah,

Speaker 26 that's really crazy. Yeah, but I uh I don't get paid to work here, so I can never afford to buy myself and walk out those doors.
I can't ever pay my check, you know.

Speaker 21 What about tips?

Speaker 26 We don't take tips.

Speaker 19 What

Speaker 26 we do not accept tips at this diner now. That's a shame.

Speaker 9 Do people try to tip you and you have to turn them down?

Speaker 26 I'm constantly.

Speaker 19 Excuse me.

Speaker 5 Apologies if you're distracting you from your other tables.

Speaker 26 Oh, yeah. Well, I got a couple of so-and-so's over here.

Speaker 10 Excuse me.

Speaker 19 Hi.

Speaker 26 Hi.

Speaker 9 Wow, that table is up at the ceiling.

Speaker 6 That's really weird.

Speaker 10 I had a quick question about my order.

Speaker 26 Okay, well, you have a question every day.

Speaker 14 Wink, come on.

Speaker 26 You guys are in here every day. What do you need?

Speaker 10 I went a little crazy and I ordered the cornois.

Speaker 30 And if he has it, it goes into me and I'm allergic to it. We're connected.

Speaker 19 You know that. We're connected, Samuel.

Speaker 10 She's plark intolerant.

Speaker 26 What is the base ingredient of the cornois? What do you grind to make a cornois patty?

Speaker 19 Plark?

Speaker 26 So, yeah, of course there's plark in it, guys. Samuel, turn around so I can see Wink.

Speaker 6 Hold on.

Speaker 29 Wink?

Speaker 30 Yes.

Speaker 26 Are you guys on dust again?

Speaker 19 What?

Speaker 19 Are you on?

Speaker 19 This is fun.

Speaker 25 Why wouldn't we do that?

Speaker 10 Why would we get all dusted up and then

Speaker 26 I'll get you an extra towel to clean that up.

Speaker 14 I'll be right back.

Speaker 7 Thank you. Ice cream, please.

Speaker 10 Yes, we like ice cream as well.

Speaker 26 Okay, you got it. Two ice creams coming up, one towel.

Speaker 9 C53, I'm sorry about that. That looks gross.

Speaker 4 It is simply on me.

Speaker 17 and that is the fact.

Speaker 20 Pleck, I'm gonna take a quick advantage of that sweet waitress walking away from our table to bring up that uh you two are kind of hitting it off.

Speaker 9 What? Me and Bory?

Speaker 23 Yeah.

Speaker 9 No, no, I don't.

Speaker 16 I'm not really.

Speaker 20 And I have to say, it is a small miracle that she's interested in anything that you were talking about.

Speaker 9 Oh, well, that's sort of rude.

Speaker 22 Ambassador Dexter, did she not wish to visit your home planet?

Speaker 9 You think that she was hitting on me?

Speaker 20 I mean, you don't even want to visit your home planet.

Speaker 9 Yeah, I don't. I really don't.

Speaker 23 What? Hey.

Speaker 29 What?

Speaker 10 We come in here a lot.

Speaker 6 Yeah.

Speaker 10 And she's definitely into you.

Speaker 30 And she wants to put her thing into that thingy.

Speaker 10 A quick word of warning.

Speaker 23 Yeah.

Speaker 10 Her lower half is made of pie.

Speaker 19 She's...

Speaker 6 Her lower half is pie.

Speaker 9 Pie. I thought that was like a dress she was wearing.

Speaker 4 No, that is a crimped crust.

Speaker 10 Yeah, she's half pastry. Okay.

Speaker 19 I mean, clearly, you should be

Speaker 20 staring at her face because you have not noticed the entire process.

Speaker 30 Can we give you one more word of advice?

Speaker 19 Do it, Wink.

Speaker 30 If you're really into her, and this is just based on us being here, like, every day. Yeah.
Sure, maybe on dust, but like, the way you can, like, get into it, into her,

Speaker 29 compliment her nose.

Speaker 21 Do it. Okay.

Speaker 25 Uh, thanks.

Speaker 9 I feel like it's weird that their table is literally directly above ours.

Speaker 6 We're gonna do it at some point.

Speaker 4 Is that unstable for you?

Speaker 24 That's another dust.

Speaker 26 Yeah, I feel like it can't be sanitary.

Speaker 10 Do you want to score some more dust right now and get more cork?

Speaker 6 Should we order it?

Speaker 10 Yeah, let's order some dust.

Speaker 9 It's weird that they sell dust here, too.

Speaker 17 It's extremely unusual that they sell dust.

Speaker 27 Are you gonna use the bathroom again, Susan?

Speaker 19 You

Speaker 19 have got to stop talking directly next to my face.

Speaker 27 I waited a long time, as long as I physically could.

Speaker 27 Just, well, I hope you consume things like food or liquids, so that you need to go back in there because I would be okay.

Speaker 2 Hey, hey, hey, peck, peck, peck. Get away from my table.
Are you being creepy again?

Speaker 26 Get back in the bathroom.

Speaker 27 No, I've got one speed. You call it what you want.

Speaker 26 I call it creepy, Peck.

Speaker 26 Here's your towel. Ice cream's vanilla.
Coming up, ready?

Speaker 2 One, two.

Speaker 21 Peck has ruined glory holes for me.

Speaker 9 I don't like that that guy has a name sort of similar to mine. It just is what it is.

Speaker 27 Feelings mutual, you boring, bland, Rangus norm norm. Get out of here.

Speaker 26 That's enough from you. You gave me trouble last week, and I won't take that today.

Speaker 2 All right.

Speaker 25 Hey, Bory, I have a quick question.

Speaker 9 How many people just come here to buy drugs?

Speaker 26 I'm on almost everyone in here is here to buy drugs. This isn't under any rule of any kind.
You can sort of do whatever you want in here.

Speaker 4 Were I not under the restriction of this restraining vault?

Speaker 17 I would probably order some dust.

Speaker 19 Can you do dust? Can a droid do dust here?

Speaker 31 It has a technological component.

Speaker 21 Oh, interesting. Really?

Speaker 26 What's the result in your system?

Speaker 4 I just don't work very well for a little while.

Speaker 26 Is that fun for you?

Speaker 24 You'd think it wouldn't be, but it is.

Speaker 4 I certainly have not done dust while working for the Federated Alliance. All hail, the Federated Alliance.

Speaker 9 I mean, all hail for the Federated Alliance, sure.

Speaker 7 Shall we order ambassadors?

Speaker 9 I honestly have not gotten a chance to look at the menu.

Speaker 21 Do you want to hear about our specials?

Speaker 19 Sure. Great.

Speaker 19 I don't.

Speaker 19 Compliment her nose. Compliment her nose.

Speaker 26 Okay, so we got a couple specials today. We've got some fried flats of flang.
Those are coming done medium. Okay.
They're crusted on each side and they're deep fried. They're delicious.

Speaker 26 You're going to love it. Now, if you're wanting something a little bit lighter, we have cottage cheese.
It just comes in a bowl.

Speaker 21 That's it.

Speaker 19 And then for dessert.

Speaker 23 Sorry. Sorry.
Sorry.

Speaker 10 We just thought he might want.

Speaker 19 I'm really, I feel, I'm on the clock.

Speaker 9 I can't really do dust right now. Sorry, bar.
Sorry.

Speaker 17 Sorry.

Speaker 4 Have you ever done dust?

Speaker 9 No.

Speaker 17 Really?

Speaker 4 I don't wish to force you to try dust out of peer pressure, but dust is great.

Speaker 23 Okay.

Speaker 26 You know, I can't do dust either because I'm working right now.

Speaker 10 Oh, you guys have that in common.

Speaker 29 I know.

Speaker 19 Samo.

Speaker 26 I know what you're doing.

Speaker 29 Where not?

Speaker 6 Samo.

Speaker 10 That is scooping ice cream in the mouth.

Speaker 26 Samo, look down and look. Wink, turn around so I can see Samo.

Speaker 26 Look down here and look me in the eye. Did you tell him about my pie? What? Did you tell him about my pie?

Speaker 23 What?

Speaker 10 That your bottom half is made of pie?

Speaker 6 Yeah.

Speaker 6 I might have... Wink, did it?

Speaker 8 You were given that information.

Speaker 8 There are percentages, but is zero and 100 the same?

Speaker 2 Yeah, they are.

Speaker 8 Oh.

Speaker 8 Okay.

Speaker 9 I would like to hear the rest of these specials.

Speaker 26 Oh, we just had one more, which was dessert, which is vanilla ice cream.

Speaker 19 That's a special.

Speaker 11 Okay, what did I miss?

Speaker 9 Oh, you just...

Speaker 22 How did it go in there?

Speaker 20 You know what? It was better a second time.

Speaker 17 We've learned Ambassador Dexetter has never done dust.

Speaker 19 Oh, wow. Really?

Speaker 6 Yes, we are.

Speaker 20 They don't have dust on Rangus 6?

Speaker 4 I can confirm they do have dust on Rangus 6.

Speaker 9 Well, that's... I mean, that's true.
The rural areas of the galaxy have a real dust problem.

Speaker 9 And, you know, I like to think, you know, that I'm one of the people who's not, you know, buying into it.

Speaker 4 But you were never offered dust, was that?

Speaker 20 I mean, you had to have gone to at least one party.

Speaker 4 You mean Adusta?

Speaker 26 Oh, you know.

Speaker 26 I live in this diner, so I know one when I see one. You don't have any friends.

Speaker 6 Well, I wouldn't.

Speaker 9 I mean, I have. I've had.
I've had friends.

Speaker 29 You need one friend? What?

Speaker 29 Okay.

Speaker 9 Well, when I was growing up, there was

Speaker 9 a couple farms over

Speaker 9 there was a kid he was well he was blind so sometimes I would go over and stand next to him.

Speaker 17 Was he aware of your presence?

Speaker 9 I don't think so

Speaker 21 but sometimes he would

Speaker 20 not count and wow you have really brought down the mood of this brunch.

Speaker 26 Hey guys, do you mind if I just take a minute? I gotta go butter. My breadsticks are drying out so I'm gonna just be back in just one second to take your order if that's okay.

Speaker 25 We need a while with the menu.

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Speaker 33 Sisugundu over and out.

Speaker 26 Is everybody doing okay? Does anyone need their hot browns filled up?

Speaker 9 Yeah, no, I actually am. I'm just still working through this menu.
It is very long.

Speaker 26 There's a lot of different languages in here. Yeah, you know, just so many different types of people come through here.

Speaker 9 Do you have a favorite cuisine?

Speaker 26 My dream in my whole life is to enter a baking contest.

Speaker 21 Really?

Speaker 26 Yeah, I've never been to one, but this very important person in the Federated Alliance told me about a baking contest one time, and he said that it's sort of like winning a war.

Speaker 26 You know, it's like you're strategic and you save your good recipes for the end, and you make people think you don't know how to cook or fight when you really do know how to cook and fight.

Speaker 21 So,

Speaker 24 may I inquire?

Speaker 7 Sure.

Speaker 24 Was the Federated Alliance representative talking about a pagan competition or describing a war using the metaphor of a pagan competition?

Speaker 26 You know, now that you've said it that way, I think it's the latter, but when I heard it, I thought it was the former.

Speaker 25 Huh.

Speaker 20 Which Federated Alliance official, pray tell,

Speaker 20 was in here and are they here now?

Speaker 23 Okay.

Speaker 26 He's in here almost every single day.

Speaker 26 And it's the tall one with the long stripe on his uniform and he's got all the shinies on his shoulders you couldn't possibly be describing the fifth best friend could you oh yeah it's the fifth one counselor trink is in here every day that's his name trink you're right is he is he cool oh he's so nice i don't think he gets to talk about things to a lot of people so he just gabs gabs gabs at me i have to walk away sometimes and help other tables because he just won't stop wow

Speaker 26 so yeah my dream, if I could get into a baking contest,

Speaker 26 I would just love that. I think I would win.
I'm quite good.

Speaker 9 I bet. You have like an inside knowledge that most people don't because you're most of you is baked.

Speaker 19 Yes, that's true.

Speaker 4 I am, yeah.

Speaker 24 Yeah. It's a unique perspective.

Speaker 4 That must present a number of difficulties.

Speaker 26 Yeah, yeah. You know, I can't go swimming.
I've never done that.

Speaker 4 Love to swim.

Speaker 6 You're not afraid of swimming.

Speaker 17 Swimming is a joy.

Speaker 9 C-53, I think that's maybe the happiest I've ever seen you describing describing anything.

Speaker 17 Swimming is very fun.

Speaker 26 I wouldn't think that you would be able to swim. I would think you would short your whole thing out.

Speaker 8 Oh, it can be extremely dangerous for me, Jason.

Speaker 4 But when I am able,

Speaker 9 a joy. Bory, I'm sure you got other tables, but real quick, C-53, describe what the conditions are under which you would be able to swim.

Speaker 17 Ah, well, briefly in the past, I was a naval unit.

Speaker 9 Like, your cube was in a different.

Speaker 24 That's correct.

Speaker 22 I was in an intelligent destroyer unit in the Armenian Navy.

Speaker 9 So you were swimming when you were a boat?

Speaker 24 Yes.

Speaker 29 Does that count as swimming?

Speaker 2 For you, sure count.

Speaker 9 I mean, you seem very excited about it, so I think it's very pleasurable. Have you ever seen, like, a Tellurian swim?

Speaker 4 Yes, I have no idea why you even attempt it.

Speaker 28 It's such an inefficient process.

Speaker 19 So when you're no scratching

Speaker 24 propulsion unit, other than the flowing of your own nose?

Speaker 9 That's what I think of as swimming, which I think is fun.

Speaker 26 Yeah, and they can die that way. They can't breathe.

Speaker 2 They can't die that way.

Speaker 26 Yeah, they can't breathe under the water.

Speaker 6 Oh, no, not at all.

Speaker 9 Not even a little.

Speaker 24 Yeah.

Speaker 4 With your wildly ill-equipped.

Speaker 9 Listen, you were very on board with swimming when you thought it was being a boat. And now you're very against it.

Speaker 26 You know, we have... Underneath the diner, there's a series of tunnels, some filled with water, some not, that go in and out of everywhere.
I've never been down, but I've heard.

Speaker 26 What are the ones that aren't filled with water filled with oh they're just empty tunnels that you could maybe walk on your legs through oh okay and you haven't been in those tunnels no i'm not allowed so when you say you've never left the diner you mean you mean you've never left the kitchen or the restaurant yeah

Speaker 7 does that bother you

Speaker 26 are you kidding me yeah people come through here and all i hear are stories about cool places and awesome things people get to do like um playing zyball i never played that Oh, I played Zyball.

Speaker 19 Zyball isn't fun?

Speaker 9 Well, no, I mean, it's fun if you're good at it, but I was bad at it.

Speaker 4 Do you find the five balls confusing?

Speaker 19 Yeah, I can't keep track of all five of them.

Speaker 26 But I heard all the balls are just a different shade of green. So you should be able to keep them apart.
You just look at the different shades.

Speaker 9 But when they're moving very fast, they're very close in shade.

Speaker 26 Tellurians don't have very good vision, huh?

Speaker 2 No, they do not.

Speaker 2 Yeah.

Speaker 17 They can't even see infrared.

Speaker 26 Oh, I can even see infrared, and I got grapes for eyes. They're seedless reds.

Speaker 9 Oh, that's why.

Speaker 4 If you had had purple eyes, perhaps you would be able to see the ultraviolet.

Speaker 26 Oh, yes. I wonder what green grapes can see.

Speaker 17 Gamma radiation.

Speaker 15 Alarm, alarm, attempted tip, attempted tip on table 312.

Speaker 25 Oh my gosh, no, you're not.

Speaker 26 You gotta take this with you.

Speaker 20 Gosh, look at the apples that make up her face. Look how red they are.

Speaker 6 What the job?

Speaker 9 I didn't get around to it.

Speaker 19 Like, how difficult is it? Just say your nose is on your face, but that's all the tape.

Speaker 32 That's the one that's going to be.

Speaker 24 You might want to go slightly further than that. No, no, no.

Speaker 2 No. Take it right.

Speaker 35 Just say your nose is on your face.

Speaker 17 Ambassador Deck Center, I've been programmed with many forms of pickup styles if you you are having trouble.

Speaker 9 You know what?

Speaker 2 That is definitely not.

Speaker 10 Ambassador Dexter, I've done two piles of dust, so I think I can tell you a few things too.

Speaker 9 I don't think so.

Speaker 30 And he doesn't, it goes straight through me, too.

Speaker 29 Yeah.

Speaker 25 Oh, okay.

Speaker 9 Wow. Can I ask you two a question?

Speaker 6 Are you guys friends or are you the same thing?

Speaker 9 Are you guys like...

Speaker 10 Do you not know what friends are? No.

Speaker 2 Is that why you're asking?

Speaker 9 No, I'm asking, like, are you the same?

Speaker 17 Are you saying you're friends with yourself?

Speaker 24 No, I'm not.

Speaker 9 I'm asking if Samo and Wink are the same being or if they're like

Speaker 17 setter. Do you have a second name for yourself?

Speaker 6 No.

Speaker 4 What?

Speaker 17 Well, then something with two names is two different entities.

Speaker 4 Well, yeah.

Speaker 7 Two different entities can be friends.

Speaker 14 Alright, are we ready to order or are we ready to order?

Speaker 9 I think we're probably ready. C53?

Speaker 4 I'll take some of your power.

Speaker 26 Great, absolutely. Now, do you want to do a high-speed or low-speed charging?

Speaker 4 Why don't we do low-speed?

Speaker 8 Great.

Speaker 20 I'll take a bowl of the cottage cheese.

Speaker 9 Going for the special.

Speaker 11 Yep. It sounded so good when she said it,

Speaker 9 I couldn't not order it. Great.

Speaker 26 And for you, sir?

Speaker 2 I guess

Speaker 10 ordered dust.

Speaker 9 Are those my only two choices?

Speaker 19 Yeah.

Speaker 9 uh I would like what was that first special? The fried flats, uh, yeah, I'll get that with a side of nose.

Speaker 26 Oh, I'm so sorry, we don't, um, we don't serve nose.

Speaker 30 How is that fun?

Speaker 19 What?

Speaker 16 She's not on the menu.

Speaker 19 Well, yeah, no, but I thought I thought it was like a joke about how she's side of nose.

Speaker 26 Oh, my, you were making a joke about my nose?

Speaker 21 No, I think it was.

Speaker 26 I just said my nose is really important to me because it's the only thing that reminds me of my mother.

Speaker 25 Who's your mother?

Speaker 26 She was a woman. She was a Tellurian woman, and she was the waitress in this diner before me.
And

Speaker 26 some of her inner parts got all over the line cook.

Speaker 4 Ugh.

Speaker 26 And

Speaker 29 did she die?

Speaker 19 Yes. Oh, I'm so sorry.

Speaker 5 Ambassador Dexter, you are playing this all right.

Speaker 2 I do remember

Speaker 17 this is a name. A side of nose is a negative compliment.

Speaker 4 It's going to lower her self-esteem, allowing

Speaker 3 you to take control of the exchange.

Speaker 9 Listen, C-53,

Speaker 9 I don't want to play weird

Speaker 28 games.

Speaker 4 No, listen, Tommy.

Speaker 2 There's still time.

Speaker 4 Pretend you're not interested.

Speaker 10 Listen, this is a pie-bottomed, apple-faced woman that you're standing in front of. You need to treat her with respect.

Speaker 4 Alternately, treat her with no respect.

Speaker 9 No, C53, I do not want to do that.

Speaker 25 That's not who. That's not what I'm saying.

Speaker 10 You don't know how to treat a food golem.

Speaker 10 I don't know what to say, buddy.

Speaker 23 Nothing.

Speaker 10 Thanks, Wank.

Speaker 29 You're welcome.

Speaker 6 Hey.

Speaker 6 Um, do you want to go to the bathroom?

Speaker 6 You know what?

Speaker 6 I do.

Speaker 28 Cool.

Speaker 9 I've had to pee real bad this whole time, and I am terrified to go in there.

Speaker 11 Ugh, it's the best.

Speaker 9 I don't know. Because I feel like if I-if I- if I put it in the hole, then something's gonna happen.
And if I don't, then it feels like I'm enabling somebody else.

Speaker 22 What's wrong about enabling someone else?

Speaker 9 Yeah.

Speaker 9 You know, I mean, I just feel like

Speaker 17 allowing someone else to succeed.

Speaker 9 Sure. Succeeded.

Speaker 9 Like, being peed on by me.

Speaker 7 Yeah.

Speaker 20 You're under the table now.

Speaker 27 Yeah, yeah, just got here. Just got here, wasn't hanging out here.

Speaker 31 But if being peed on is what they desire, is that not somehow helpful?

Speaker 8 Great.

Speaker 4 I'm having trouble understanding.

Speaker 9 I mean, I guess so. But sometimes, you know, just peeing is just peeing, you know?

Speaker 27 You know, we could definitely have this same conversation right in the bathrooms with only a wall separating us.

Speaker 17 When peeing is just peeing. That sounds very inefficient.

Speaker 20 It also sounds very selfish.

Speaker 27 Why waste it? It's gonna go out of you anyway. Just put it on old peck.

Speaker 27 Peck, pleck, peck, pleck.

Speaker 9 Oh, don't, please don't compare us like that.

Speaker 27 That's no comparison. Just that's your name, my name.

Speaker 9 Guess I hadn't really thought about it that way.

Speaker 27 Well, you know to where to find me.

Speaker 27 Otherwise, you're gonna have to hold it.

Speaker 26 Okay, so let's see. We've got order up.
We got cottage cheese here.

Speaker 25 Thank you.

Speaker 26 And you have the fried flats here. Yep.

Speaker 25 Thank you.

Speaker 26 You know, it's funny, this exact order sort of reminds me when the seven were in last week. They ordered almost the same thing, and then they said, can't wait for that cargo shipment.

Speaker 17 You have a Council of Seven in here?

Speaker 19 What do you think they were referring to?

Speaker 26 Hell if I know. You know, my ears are just two tiny little Brussels sprouts.

Speaker 19 So, you know.

Speaker 9 Wait,

Speaker 9 do you think the Seven was like... Were they talking about dust?

Speaker 26 Oh, I guess I just wouldn't know.

Speaker 9 That would be.

Speaker 9 I mean, dust is illegal.

Speaker 11 Dust is illegal.

Speaker 20 Not here.

Speaker 26 Yeah, but if there was cargo.

Speaker 26 You know, I gotta get back to the kitchen. This is getting a little too dusty for me.

Speaker 9 Hmm. Hey, uh, Samo.

Speaker 6 Hi. Oh, yeah.
Hey.

Speaker 9 Hey, uh, do you know where the dust that they sell comes from here?

Speaker 10 Oh, the dust?

Speaker 19 Oh, okay.

Speaker 6 Oh, okay. Uh, well, um.

Speaker 10 Yeah, I mean, it's.

Speaker 6 We don't know. Yeah, yeah.
Of course we don't know.

Speaker 30 Why would we know?

Speaker 19 That would be so weird if we're too.

Speaker 9 Definitely know. What?

Speaker 29 Huh? Hey, Samo.

Speaker 6 Yeah.

Speaker 30 Good meeting.

Speaker 10 Okay.

Speaker 30 Look me in the eye.

Speaker 9 That looks very painful.

Speaker 6 What do you think, Wink?

Speaker 29 No.

Speaker 19 Uh, we can't really tell you where the.

Speaker 9 That was very under helpful.

Speaker 10 Under helpful. I mean, it's.

Speaker 19 No, no, we we want you to like us.

Speaker 6 Oh. No, now that you say it that way, we'll tell you.
You know what I mean?

Speaker 10 Yeah, you're a dust buddy.

Speaker 6 Sure.

Speaker 30 We put dust into that food he just got.

Speaker 10 Yeah, you're you've just been chomping on some dust, buddy.

Speaker 19 That flat's full of dust.

Speaker 30 So much dust.

Speaker 10 I'll tell you this:

Speaker 10 comes in.

Speaker 10 Ships unmarked.

Speaker 4 Yeah.

Speaker 10 Goes out.

Speaker 29 Out.

Speaker 10 Same ship.

Speaker 19 Same ship.

Speaker 10 Comes in every

Speaker 10 day.

Speaker 10 Every day.

Speaker 10 Wink's right. And probably whoever controlled the dust could control the entire sector.
Probably even the whole galaxy.

Speaker 30 And maybe that's something that someone once said in here. Yeah.
Out loud. A group of people, maybe.

Speaker 10 We were pretty plurged, though. But what are we not?

Speaker 10 Yeah.

Speaker 26 How's everybody's meal doing?

Speaker 4 Mmm. yummy

Speaker 30 so good

Speaker 9 hey Samo and Wink?

Speaker 6 Yeah. Yes.

Speaker 9 Before this dust kicks in, I just want to ask you guys, um, are one of you guys gonna be my friends now that we've done dust together?

Speaker 19 I mean, I mean

Speaker 2 no, no.

Speaker 30 Honestly, like, friendship takes a little bit more effort. Like, you really got to get to know each other and spend some time and ask questions.

Speaker 19 You have to do that.

Speaker 9 You guys just told me that doing dust was the key to having friendships.

Speaker 30 Wait, when is our birthday? Answer that.

Speaker 10 I don't know. You don't know our birthday, so how can we be friends?

Speaker 26 Oh, well, is there anything else I can get you with your meal today, or would you just like a check, or?

Speaker 9 I think we're good. I'm just, uh, you know, I'm just gonna hit the bathroom and I think we'll take the check.
Sure.

Speaker 26 So, let's see. We have one frying flies in the power.
26 crore all in.

Speaker 6 Oh, wow.

Speaker 19 That is very reasonable.

Speaker 26 Oh, yeah. This is just like your standard diner.

Speaker 10 It's normal.

Speaker 30 It's a standard diner that gets a shipment of dust every day from an unmarked cargo ship, but maybe underground, there's like a system of shipments and coming in and outing or whatever.

Speaker 10 Right, and maybe sometimes if like some of the distributors get mouthy, they get killed and shot into space. She said the wrong thing, and then

Speaker 10 they kept her nose and put the nose inside of a food golem.

Speaker 9 Wait, that's how your mother died?

Speaker 19 Yeah. Oh, that's why?

Speaker 30 Wow, why are you bringing that off?

Speaker 6 Yeah, Pleck.

Speaker 19 No, No, I don't know.

Speaker 21 No, it's like just getting really dark with you too.

Speaker 4 Be more disgusted by this.

Speaker 17 There's still a chance you can blow this out.

Speaker 6 No, stop.

Speaker 25 That's definitely not what I want to do.

Speaker 9 Can we just get rid of that option entirely?

Speaker 24 I can't get rid of it, but I can stop offering it.

Speaker 9 Yes, please do. Put it wherever you keep your opinions.

Speaker 19 Compliment the nose.

Speaker 30 You say there's a nose on her face.

Speaker 9 Bory, listen. Yeah.
I am really sorry that that happened to you. Thank you.

Speaker 26 That's really nice.

Speaker 9 And if it was up to me, I'd put you in the refrigerated cargo hold of our ship, the Bargarian Jade, so that your pie would stay nice and cool. Oh my gosh.
And we could fly away together.

Speaker 26 Wow, that is the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me. Thank you, friend.

Speaker 19 Oh, I mean. Wow.

Speaker 9 This really feels good.

Speaker 9 It sort of feels like I'm

Speaker 9 levitating and that my fingers are like tree branches.

Speaker 21 Oh, that's the desk. That's the desk.
That's the desk.

Speaker 21 Attention.

Speaker 36 Attention, this is Rebel Pilot Hark Tortigasputa. Final message.

Speaker 36 Somehow my escape pod is still careening toward this planet where I will surely meet my demise, but I just spent my last hour alive doing one of my favorite things.

Speaker 36 Listening to the podcast, and that's why we drink. It's about the paranormal and true crime, two of my greatest passions, in addition to bringing down the Federated Alliance, of course.

Speaker 36 Hosts Em and Christine drink wine and milkshakes while telling amazing stories of ghosts and crimes. You know what?

Speaker 36 I might pop a bottle of red and settle in for another episode before the icy cold hand of death takes me. And that's why we drink comes out every Sunday.
Oh, I just lost my heat shield.

Speaker 36 Find it on Apple Podcasts or wherever you listen to podcasts. I'm about to burn up in an alien stratosphere, so I will soon be another ghost for them to talk about.
Hark, Turtigast, signing off.

Speaker 36 Listen for me from the beyond.

Speaker 12 Ambassador Dexter, there is an incoming transmission from Junior Missions Operations Manager Nermit Bundaloy.

Speaker 2 Oh, hey, Nermit.

Speaker 2 Greetings.

Speaker 23 Hey.

Speaker 26 Hi, Nermi.

Speaker 21 Hello.

Speaker 9 Listen, I just want-before you say anything, I'd like to apologize for what happened back there at the diner. My eyes were on fire, and my fingers were tree branches, and I just...

Speaker 9 I honestly don't really remember what happened, but it was sort of fun, and now everything's fine. So let's just drop it.
All right.

Speaker 20 And they took our corporate card for all the damages.

Speaker 18 Apology not accepted.

Speaker 19 Okay.

Speaker 18 It's worth a shot. And sorry to say, but that corporate card was actually not yet filled with funds and that has been charged directly to your personal accounts.

Speaker 12 Okay.

Speaker 21 Yeah, that makes sense.

Speaker 20 So the

Speaker 20 26 croons meal plus the 3,000 croons damaged.

Speaker 16 Yes.

Speaker 18 Really, we should have covered the meal, and I'm sorry about that. I've just, I didn't get some paperwork in on time.
But the 3,000, that's really on you.

Speaker 18 C523, why don't you um pull up the video of Plex's little um performance in Slog's Diner?

Speaker 12 Very well, replaying

Speaker 12 my skin!

Speaker 18 And just you skip through to the highlights.

Speaker 18 Why does anyone have seven best friends?

Speaker 18 I don't even have one shitty friend.

Speaker 12 Okay, um, Junior Missions Operations Manager, Nerman Bundela, in Ambassador Deck Setter's defense. He was very high on dunks.
Oh, yeah.

Speaker 18 Wonderful defense. He was

Speaker 20 dusty.

Speaker 18 Doing an illegal drug is the defense of

Speaker 9 well, but see, we were, it was not illegal in the diner.

Speaker 16 Uh-huh.

Speaker 9 It was illegal when I left the diner.

Speaker 18 Yes.

Speaker 18 You left with it in your system, which is why we're having this conversation, which is why,

Speaker 18 C53, I need you to approach Ambassador Deck Setter, please.

Speaker 18 Alright, please open slot 4 on your torso.

Speaker 23 Slot 4 is

Speaker 20 like a dangerous advent calendar.

Speaker 18 And I'm going to need you to run Operation 6.

Speaker 17 Operation 6, commencing.

Speaker 15 Yep. Operation 6 complete.

Speaker 20 That was it?

Speaker 2 Well,

Speaker 20 can I just... Have an Operation 6 before bed?

Speaker 20 What about what if I'm thinking about you, Nervi? Can I have a little operation six?

Speaker 15 I would um commencing operation six. No, that's thank you.

Speaker 32 You can only

Speaker 13 get on it too when I own a ship, but if you just like put it on the floor, Operation Six commencing.

Speaker 15 Okay, Operation Six complete.

Speaker 18 Alright, Operation Six is designed to be a mild punishment. It's not supposed to be amusing to anyone.

Speaker 32 I would do it again.

Speaker 18 I would do it again.

Speaker 13 666?

Speaker 18 Do not do Operation 666.

Speaker 12 Engaging trifold adapter.

Speaker 15 Commencing Operation 666.

Speaker 15 Operation 666 complete.

Speaker 9 If it makes you feel any better, Nermit, that was very painful for me.

Speaker 18 Plepple, use of dust is going to be on your record for a while.

Speaker 9 That was not my fault.

Speaker 9 I ate food that was laced with it.

Speaker 18 Right, but you were talking to me.

Speaker 9 And the only reason I left the diner was because at the time I was convinced that the only thing that would put the fire in my eyeballs out was the vacuum of space well okay but you were also forcibly ejected from the diner right right after his tree branch hands

Speaker 18 ignited a pile of old menus right and those are big menus those are very thick you were basically sitting underneath a known dust up from the ceiling you could have left that at any point those little dusters are obviously gonna dust you out i mean that's that's a good point listen nermit i'm sorry it won't happen again.

Speaker 18 Okay, and if it does, you know what number operation is coming for your little belly?

Speaker 9 Is it six or is it like seven next time?

Speaker 18 No, it'll be six again.

Speaker 21 Okay.

Speaker 32 It was a hypothetical.

Speaker 28 Operation six.

Speaker 22 Complete.

Speaker 34 C-Red IT5 Credits and Attribution Story, commencing Outro Protocol. Ambassador Pleck Deck Center was played by Alden Ford.
C-53 Diplomatic Relations and Protocol Droid was played by Jeremy Bent.

Speaker 34 Security Officer Dar was played by Ali Gokesh. Bargie the Ship and Wink were played by Mujan Sulfagari.
Samo was played by Gwinston Noll.

Speaker 34 Junior Missions Operations Manager Nerman Bundeloy and Peck the Pervert were played by Seth Lind. Lori Amper, the waitress, was played by special guest Lauren Adams.

Speaker 34 You can see her as Gretchen Chalker in all three seasons of Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt on Netflix or performing at the Upright Sistance Brigade with Rumple Teaser and The Curfew.

Speaker 34 Follow her on Twitter at I'm Lauren Adams. Mission to Six is recorded at Braun Studios in Greenpoint, Brooklyn by engineer Shane O'Connell.

Speaker 34 This episode edited by Seth Lind with sound design and and mix by Shane O'Connell. Music by Brendan Ryan.
Opening crawl narration by Jeremy Crutchley. Ship design for the Bargerian Jade by Eric Goyce.

Speaker 34 Mission to Zix is brought to this galaxy by Audioboom. Thanks, Audioboom.
Have a question for the crew? Send an email to crew at missiontosix.space.

Speaker 34 Follow us on Facebook, Instagram, Twitter, and even Tumblr at Mission2Zix. If someone would like to show us how to Snapchat, please follow us on Instagram.

Speaker 26 It's pretty fun. Almost everyone in here does it.

Speaker 37 I don't wish to force you to try dust out of peer pressure, but dust is great.

Speaker 6 Okay.

Speaker 19 Ooh, let's open the dust song. Let's do it.

Speaker 21 It makes you cool.

Speaker 19 There's a dust song?

Speaker 6 Yeah. Yeah.

Speaker 19 One, two, a one, two, three. Dust, dust, dust, dust, dust, dust, dust, dust.
Is that the whole song? Is that

Speaker 19 dust?

Speaker 9 Like when you're on dust, it's hard to kind of.

Speaker 6 It sounds a lot better when you're on dust.

Speaker 37 It sounds amazing when you're on dust.

Speaker 26 You know, I can't do dust either because I'm working right now.

Speaker 10 Oh, you guys have that in college.