106: Dust-Up at the Diner [ft. Lauren Adams]

The period of civil war has ended.

The rebels have defeated the evil galactic monarchy and established the harmonious Federated Alliance.

Now, Ambassador Pleck Dexeta and his intrepid crew travel the farthest reaches of the galaxy to explore astounding new worlds, discover their heroic destinies, and meet weird bug creatures and stuff.

This

is Mishmi.

Hey, hey, Bargie.

Yeah.

Could you open the the window on this side?

I think she's saying you could open it yourself.

Oh.

Okay.

You know, back in the day,

people used to line up to open my windows.

Opening my windows was a luxury, but now, huh?

Nothing.

Now people ask me to do it myself.

Honestly, sometimes I just want to crash the ship and see what happens.

You tell them, Bart.

No, Barty, don't life is worth living.

What if I'm going to sleep mode?

Deal with it.

No,

she's closed all the windows.

Oh, great.

Ambassador Dexter, there is an incoming transmission from Junior Missions Operations Manager Nermit Bundalo.

Hello, team.

Hey, Nermit, Ambassador Dexetter, how are you?

Just terrific, sir.

How are you?

Oh, thank you for calling me, sir.

Am I not supposed to do that?

Hi, Nermi.

C-53.

I'm asleep.

Yeah, Bargie,

you know, she's asleep.

She's pouting.

When someone or something is asleep, they don't say they're asleep.

Alright.

Yeah, it's no, it keeps me up up at night, actually.

She just has a loop of I'm asleep.

It's very important to remind us, or else we won't know.

Well, I guess it.

I bet you a hundred croones she's just repeating it over and over.

Was there a reason for your call?

Yes, actually, I have good news.

There's a slight delay on your next mission placement, so you actually have six hours of downtime.

Hey, that's great.

A little RR, huh?

Yeah, I think you've earned it.

We can't say all the missions have gone perfectly, but

have some of the missions gone perfectly?

Have any?

No, no, none of the missions have gone perfectly.

Huh.

Ambassador Dexter and Dork, we are nearby to Slog's diner.

We wish to spend our six-hour break somewhere slightly more interesting.

Yes, sign me up.

Hey, great.

Yeah, I've never been, but let's give it a shot, right?

I'm asleep.

Wow, look at this menu.

This menu is like

this menu is like 50 pages long.

Ambassador Dex Center, this is a standard diner menu.

Perhaps you have not encountered one before.

I mean, I just guess it makes sense.

There's a lot of different like beings in here.

What's good?

I do not eat.

Oh, Ambassador Dexter.

Okay.

Their power is very good.

I don't know if you could.

They serve power.

Is that one of the things in the menu?

Yes.

Flip to page 39.

Wow.

Okay, you have got to go check out that bathroom.

Why?

What's so cool about it?

Amazing.

Well, you see, each little stall has its own little hole, and each hole is connected to another stall.

Do you know what I'm saying?

Wait, the hole goes to a different stall?

Yes.

I don't think.

Are you sure that's a bathroom, or is that like a series of weird glory holes?

Oh, no, it's a series of weird glory holes.

Oh.

Can I just say that was amazing?

I don't know if that's inappropriate, but that was you, right?

You are behind me.

Never knew anybody could get in that many holes at one time.

What I enjoy about Glory Holes is that they're anonymous.

Oh, sorry.

Yeah, you're right.

You know what?

You know what?

My bad.

Ugh.

Hi, welcome to Slags.

My name is Bory.

I'll be your waitress today.

What can I get for you to drink?

Or if it can hook anyone up, I'd be happy to do that, too.

Oh, hello, Bory.

I'm Ambassador Pleck Deck Setter.

We're here with the Federated Alliance.

This is C-53, and this is DAR.

Interesting.

You don't look like feds to me.

Well, I joined pretty recently.

Maybe that's what it is.

I was out in Onrangus 6, and, you know, it was kind of boring.

I just thought, you know, I wanted some adventure.

I wanted to get out of Rangus?

See that.

Yeah.

Wow, I'd never been there.

Oh, it's great.

It's like mostly farmland.

You know, I'd love to see that.

Yeah.

I'd love to see a whole planet of salad.

Bora, you could go to Rangus 6 very easily.

Space fare is very inexpensive due to lack of demand.

Well,

lack of

demand?

Yeah,

it's pretty boring, honestly.

They have no tourism of which to speak.

I never, um...

I've never left the diner.

Neither?

I've never left the diner.

Were you born at the diner?

Born at the diner?

And I'll die at the diner.

Wait, this might be a...

This might be sort of like an incentive question, but like,

are you...

Are you...

You know, saying that doesn't make it okay to say something, right?

I mean, mean, that's true, but I just I kind of curious.

I feel I should step in before you make a diplomatic gas.

Oh, it's almost impossible to hurt my feelings, so I think you should go ahead.

I was gonna ask if you're if you're one of the items on the menu.

Oh my god.

Wow.

No, not like, not in a weird

way.

Yeah, that did come out a little bit.

No, I just mean like if you were, I just, if you were born here, are you like a product of the diner, or were you like?

The diner did make me, yes, that is.

So at one point you were on the menu.

I was made on the line in the kitchen, yeah.

Wow, my dad, that's what I call the line cook, I think he was just feeling creative that day, and he said, What if I make me a daughter?

Whoa, yeah,

that's really crazy.

Yeah, but I uh I don't get paid to work here, so I can never afford to buy myself and walk out those doors.

I can't ever pay my check, you know?

What about tips?

We don't take tips.

What

we do not accept tips at this diner now.

That's a shame.

Do people try to tip you and you have to turn them down?

I'm constantly.

Excuse me.

Apologies if you're distracting you from your other tables.

Oh, yeah.

Well, I got a couple of so-and-so's over here.

Excuse me.

Hi.

Hi.

Wow, that table is up at the ceiling.

That's really weird.

I had a quick question about my order.

Okay, well, you have a question every day.

Wink, come on.

You guys are in here every day.

What do you need?

I went a little crazy and I ordered the cornois.

And if he has it, it goes into me and I'm allergic to it.

We're connected.

You know that.

We're connected, Samuel.

She's Plark intolerant.

What is the base ingredient of the cornois?

What do you grind to make a cornois patty?

Plark?

So, yeah, of course there's plark in it, guys.

Samuel, turn around so I can see Wink.

Hold on.

Wink?

Yes.

Are you guys on dust again?

What?

Are you on?

This is fun.

Why wouldn't we do that?

Why would we get all dusted up and then

I'll get you an extra towel to clean that up.

I'll be right back.

Thank you.

Ice cream, please.

Yes, we like ice cream as well.

Okay, you got it.

Two ice creams coming up, one towel.

C53, I'm sorry about that.

That looks gross.

It is simply on me, and that is the fact.

Pleck, I'm gonna take a quick advantage of that sweet waitress walking away from our table to bring up that uh you two are kind of hitting it off.

What?

Me and Bory?

Yeah.

No, no, I don't.

I'm not really.

And I have to say, it is a small miracle that she's interested in anything that you were talking about.

Oh, well, that's sort of rude.

Ambassador Dexter, did she not wish to visit your home planet?

You think that she was hitting on me?

I mean, you don't even want to visit your home planet.

Yeah, I don't.

I really don't.

What?

Hey.

What?

We come in here a lot.

Yeah.

And she's definitely into you.

And she wants to put her thing into that thingy.

A quick word of warning.

Yeah.

Her lower half is made of pie.

She's...

Her lower half is pie.

Pie.

I thought that was like a dress she was wearing.

No, that is a crimped crust.

Yeah, she's half pastry.

Okay.

I mean, clearly, you should be

staring at her face because you have not noticed the entire process.

Can we give you one more word of advice?

Do it, Wink.

If you're really into her, and this is just based on us being here, like, every day.

Yeah.

Sure, maybe on dust, but like, the way you can, like, get into it, into her,

compliment her nose.

Do it.

Okay.

Uh, thanks.

I feel like it's weird that their table is literally directly above ours.

We're gonna do what it's gonna be.

Is that unsupporting for you?

That's another dust.

Yeah, I feel like it can't be sanitary.

Do you want to score some more dust right now and get more cork?

Should we order it?

Yeah, let's order some dust.

It's weird that they sell dust here, too.

It's extremely unusual that they sell dust.

Are you gonna use the bathroom again, Susan?

You

have got to stop talking directly next to my face.

I waited a long time, as long as I physically could.

Just, well, I hope you consume things like food or liquids, so that you need to go back in there because I would be okay.

Hey, hey, hey, peck, peck, peck, get away from my table.

Are you being creepy again?

Get back in the bathroom.

No, I've got one speed.

You call it what you want.

I call it creepy, peck.

Here's your towel.

Ice cream's vanilla.

Coming up, ready?

One, two.

Peck has ruined glory holes for me.

I don't like that that guy has a name sort of similar to mine.

It just is what it is.

Feelings mutual, you boring, bland, Rangus norm norm.

Get out of here.

That's enough from you.

You gave me trouble last week, and I won't take that today.

All right.

Hey, Bory, I have a quick question.

How many people just come here to buy drugs?

I'm on almost everyone in here is here to buy drugs.

This isn't under any rule of any kind.

You can sort of do whatever you want in here.

Were I not under the restriction of this restraining vault?

I would probably order some dust.

Can you do dust?

Can a droid do dust here?

It has a technological component.

Oh, interesting.

Really?

What's the result in your system?

I just don't work very well for a little while.

Is that fun for you?

You'd think it wouldn't be, but it is.

I certainly have not done dust while working for the Federated Alliance.

All hail, the Federated Alliance.

I mean, all hail for the Federated Alliance, sure.

Shall we order ambassadors?

I honestly have not gotten a chance to look at the menu.

Do you want to hear about our specials?

Sure.

Great.

I don't.

Compliment her nose.

Okay, so we got a couple specials today.

We've got some fried flats of flang.

Those are coming done medium.

Okay.

They're crusted on each side, and they're deep-fried.

They're delicious.

You're going to love it.

Now, if you're wanting something a little bit lighter, we have cottage cheese.

It just comes in a bowl.

That's it.

And then for dessert.

Sorry.

Sorry.

Sorry.

We just thought he might want.

I'm really, I feel, I'm on the clock.

I can't really do dust right now.

Sorry, bar.

Sorry.

Sorry.

Have you ever done dust?

No.

Really?

I don't wish to force you to try dust out of peer pressure, but dust is great.

Okay.

You know, I can't do dust either because I'm working right now.

Oh, you guys have that in common.

I know.

Samo.

I know what you're doing.

Where not?

Samo.

That is scooping ice cream in the mouth.

Samo, look down and look.

Wink, turn around so I can see Samo.

Look down here and look me in the eye.

Did you tell him about my pie?

What?

Did you tell him about my pie?

What?

That your bottom half is made of pie?

Yeah.

I might have...

Wink, did it?

You were given that information.

There are percentages, but is zero and 100 the same?

Yeah, they are.

Oh.

Okay.

I would like to hear the rest of these specials.

Oh, we just had one more, which was dessert, which is vanilla ice cream.

That's a special.

Okay, what did I miss?

Oh, you just...

How did it go in there?

You know what?

It was better a second time.

We've learned Ambassador Dexetter has never done dust.

Oh, wow.

Really?

Yes, we are.

They don't have dust on Rangus 6?

I can confirm they do have dust on Rangus 6.

Well, that's...

I mean, that's true.

The rural areas of the galaxy have a real dust problem.

And, you know, I like to think, you know, that I'm one of the people who's not, you know, buying into it.

But you were never offered dust, was that?

I mean, you had to have gone to at least one party.

You mean Adusta?

Oh, you know.

I live in this diner, so I know one when I see one.

You don't have any friends.

Well, I wouldn't.

I mean, I have.

I've had.

I've had friends.

You made one friend.

What?

Okay.

Well, when I was growing up, there was

a couple farms over

there was a kid he was well he was blind so sometimes I would go over and stand next to him.

Was he aware of your presence?

I don't think so

but sometimes he would

not count and wow you have really brought down the mood of this brunch.

Hey guys, you mind if I just take a minute?

I gotta go butter.

My breadsticks are drying out so I'm gonna just be back in just one second to take your order if that's okay.

We need a while with the menu.

This is Rebel Leader Sisu Gundu.

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Sisugundu over and out.

Is everybody doing okay?

Does anyone need their hot browns filled up?

Yeah, no, I actually am.

I'm just still working through this menu.

It is very long.

There's a lot of different languages in here.

Yeah, you know, just so many different types of people come through here.

Do you have a favorite cuisine?

My dream in my whole life is to enter a baking contest.

Really?

Yeah, I've never been to one, but this very important person in the Federated Alliance told me about a baking contest one time, and he said that it's sort of like winning a war.

You know, it's like you're strategic and you save your good recipes for the end, and you make people think you don't know how to cook or fight when you really do know how to cook and fight.

So,

may I inquire?

Sure.

Was the Federated Alliance representative talking about a pagan competition or describing a war using the metaphor of a pagan competition?

You know, now that you've said it that way, I think it's the latter, but when I heard it, I thought it was the former.

Huh.

Which Federated Alliance official, pray tell,

was in here and are they here now?

Okay, he's in here almost every single day.

And it's the tall one with the long stripe on his uniform and he's got all the shinies on his shoulders you couldn't possibly be describing the fifth best friend could you oh yeah it's the fifth one counselor trink is in here every day that's his name trink you're right is he is he cool oh he's so nice i don't think he gets to talk about things to a lot of people so he just gabs gabs gabs at me i have to walk away sometimes and help other tables because he just won't stop wow

so yeah my dream if I could get into a baking contest,

I would just love that.

I think I would win.

I'm quite good.

I bet.

You have like an inside knowledge that most people don't because you're most of you is baked.

Yes, that's true.

I am, yeah.

It's a unique perspective.

That must present a number of difficulties.

Yeah, yeah.

You know, I can't go swimming.

I've never done that.

Love to swim.

You're not always swimming.

Swimming is a joy.

C53, I think that's maybe the happiest I've ever seen you describing describing anything.

Swimming is very fun.

I wouldn't think that you would be able to swim.

I would think you would short your whole thing out.

Oh, it can be extremely dangerous for me, Jason.

But when I am able,

a joy.

Bory, I'm sure you got other tables, but real quick, C-53, describe what the conditions are under which you would be able to swim.

Well, briefly in the past, I was a naval unit.

Like, your cube was in a different.

That's correct.

I was in an intelligent destroyer unit in the Armenian Navy.

So you were swimming when you were a boat?

Yes.

Does that count as swimming?

For you pleasure?

I mean, you seem very excited about it, so I think it's very pleasurable.

Have you ever seen, like, a Tellurian swim?

Yes, I have no idea why you even attempt it.

It's such an inefficient process.

So when you're no scratching

propulsion unit, other than the flowing of your own nerves?

That's what I think of as swimming, which I think is fun.

Yeah, and they can die that way.

They can't breathe.

They can't die that way.

Yeah, they can't breathe under the water.

Oh, no, not at all.

Not even a little.

Yeah.

With your wildly ill-equipped.

Listen, you were very on board with swimming when you thought it was being a boat.

And now you're very against it.

You know, we have...

Underneath the diner, there's a series of tunnels, some filled with water, some not, that go in and out of everywhere.

I've never been down, but I've heard.

What are the ones that aren't filled with water filled with oh they're just empty tunnels that you could maybe walk on your legs through oh okay and you haven't been in those tunnels no i'm not allowed so when you say you've never left the diner you mean you mean you've never left the kitchen or the restaurant yeah

does that bother you

are you kidding me yeah people come through here and all i hear are stories about cool places and awesome things people get to do like um playing zyball i never played that Oh, I played Zyball.

Zyball isn't fun?

Well, no, I mean, it's fun if you're good at it, but I was bad at it.

Do you find the five balls confusing?

Yeah, I can't keep track of all five of them.

But I heard all the balls are just a different shade of green.

So you should be able to keep them apart.

You just look at the different shades.

But when they're moving very fast, they're very close in shade.

Tellurians don't have very good vision, huh?

No, they do not.

Yeah.

They can't even see infrared.

Oh, I can even see infrared, and I got grapes for eyes.

They're seedless reds.

Oh, that's why.

If you had had purple eyes, perhaps you would have been able to see the ultraviolet.

Oh, yes.

I wonder what green grapes can see.

Gamma radiation.

Alarm, alarm, attempted tip, attempted tip on table 312.

Oh my gosh, no, you're not.

You gotta take this with you.

Gosh, look at the apples that make up her face.

Look how red they are.

What the job?

I didn't get around to it.

Like, how difficult is it?

Just say your nose is on your face, but that's all the tape.

That's the one that's not going to be a little bit more.

You might want to go slightly further than that.

No, no, no, no.

Take it right.

Just say your nose is on your face.

Ambassador Dexter, I've been programmed with many forms of pickup styles if you you are having trouble.

You know what?

That is definitely not.

Ambassador Deck Center, I've done two piles of dust, so I think I can tell you a few things too.

I don't think so.

And he doesn't, it goes straight through me, too.

Yeah.

Oh, okay.

Wow.

Can I ask you two a question?

Are you guys friends or are you the same thing?

Do you not know what friends are?

No.

Is that why you're asking?

No, I'm asking like, are you the same?

Are you saying you're friends with yourself?

No,

I'm asking if Samo and Wink are the same being or if they're like.

No, what?

Well, then something with two names is two different entities.

Well, yeah.

Two different entities can be friends.

Alright, are we ready to order or are we ready to order?

I think we're probably ready.

C53?

I'll take some of your power.

Great, absolutely.

Now, do you want to do a high-speed or low-speed charging?

Why don't we do low-speed?

Great.

I'll take a bowl of the cottage cheese.

Going for the special.

Yep, it sounded so good when she said it,

I couldn't not order it.

Great.

And for you, sir?

I guess

ordered dust.

Are those my only two choices?

Yeah.

uh I would like what was that first special?

The fried flats, uh, yeah, I'll get that with a side of nose.

Oh, I'm so sorry, we don't, um, we don't serve nose.

How is that funny?

What?

She's not on the menu.

Well, yeah, no, but I thought, I thought it was like a joke about how she's side of nose.

Oh, my, you were making a joke about my nose?

No, I think it was.

I just said my nose is really important to me because it's the only thing that reminds me of my mother.

Who's your mother?

She was a woman.

She was a Tellurian woman, and she was the waitress in this diner before me.

And

some of her inner parts got all over the line cook.

Ugh.

And

did she die?

Yes.

Oh, I'm so sorry.

Ambassador Dexter, you are playing this all right.

I do remember

this is a name.

A side of nose is a negative compliment.

It's going to lower her self-esteem, allowing

you to take control of the exchange.

Listen, C-53,

I don't want to play weird

games.

No, listen, Tommy.

There's still time to end you're not interested.

Listen, this is a pie-bottomed, apple-faced woman that you're standing in front of.

You need to treat her with respect.

Alternately, treat her with no respect.

No, C53, I do not want to do that.

That's not who that's not what.

You don't know how to treat a food golem.

I don't know what to say, buddy.

Nothing.

Thanks, Wank.

You're welcome.

Hey.

Um, do you want to go to the bathroom?

You know what?

I do.

Cool.

I've had to pee real bad this whole time, and I am terrified to go in there.

Ugh, it's the best.

I don't know.

Because I feel like if I- if I- if I put it in the hole, then something's gonna happen.

And if I don't, then it feels like I'm enabling somebody else.

What's wrong about enabling someone else?

Yeah.

You know, I mean, I just feel like

allowing someone else to succeed.

Sure, succeeded

like being peed on by me.

Yeah.

You're under the table now.

Yeah, yeah, just got here.

Just got here, wasn't hanging out here.

But if being peed on is what they desire, is that not somehow helpful?

Great.

I'm having trouble understanding.

I mean, I guess so.

But sometimes, you know, just peeing is just peeing, you know?

You know, we could definitely have this same conversation right in the bathrooms with only a wall separating us.

When peeing is just peeing.

That sounds very inefficient.

It also sounds very selfish.

Why waste it?

It's gonna go out of you anyway.

Just put it on old peck.

Peck, pleck, peck, pleck.

Oh, don't, please don't compare us like that.

That's no comparison.

Just that's your name, my name.

Guess I hadn't really thought about it that way.

Well, you know to where to find me.

Otherwise, you're gonna have to hold it.

Okay, so let's see.

We've got order up.

We got cottage cheese here.

Thank you.

And you have the fried flats here.

Yep, thank you.

You know, it's funny, this exact order sort of reminds me when the seven were in last week.

They ordered almost the same thing, and then they said, can't wait for that cargo shipment.

You have a Council of Seven in here?

What do you think they were referring to?

Hell if I know.

You know, my ears are just two tiny little Brussels sprouts.

So, you know.

Wait,

do you think the Seven was like...

Were they talking about dust?

Oh, I guess I just wouldn't know.

That would be.

I mean, dust is illegal.

Dust is illegal.

Not here.

Yeah, but if there was cargo.

You know, I gotta get back to the kitchen.

This is getting a little too dusty for me.

Hmm.

Hey, uh, Samo.

Hi, oh, yeah, hey.

Hey, uh, do you know where the dust that they sell comes from here?

Oh, the dust?

Oh, okay.

Oh, okay.

Uh, well, um,

you know, I mean, it's.

We don't know.

Yeah, yeah.

Of course, we don't know.

Why would we know?

That would be so weird if we're doing it.

Definitely know.

What?

Huh?

Hey, Samo.

Yeah.

Good meeting.

Okay.

Look me in the eye.

That looks very painful.

What do you think, Wink?

No.

Uh, we can't really tell you where the money is.

That was very under helpful.

Under helpful.

I mean, it was.

No, no, we we want you to like us.

Oh.

No, now that you say it that way, we'll tell you.

You know what I mean?

Yeah, you're a dust buddy.

Sure.

We put dust into that food he just got.

Yeah, you're you've just been chomping on some dust, buddy.

That flat's full of dust.

So much dust.

I'll tell you this:

comes in,

ships unmarked, yeah, goes out, Out.

Same ship.

Same ship.

Comes in every

day.

Every day.

Wink's right.

And probably whoever controlled the dust could control the entire sector.

Probably even the whole galaxy.

And maybe that's something that someone once said in here.

Yeah.

Out loud.

A group of people, maybe.

We were pretty plurged, though.

But what are we not?

Yeah.

How's everybody's meal doing?

Mmm.

yummy

so good

hey Samo and Wink?

Yeah.

Yes.

Before this dust kicks in, I just want to ask you guys, um, are one of you guys gonna be my friends now that we've done dust together?

I mean, I mean

no, no.

Honestly, like, friendship takes a little bit more effort.

Like, you really got to get to know each other and spend some time and ask questions.

You have to do that.

You guys just told me that doing dust was the key to having friendships.

Wait, when is our birthday?

Answer that.

I don't know.

You don't know our birthday, so how can we be friends?

Oh, well, is there anything else I can get you with your meal today, or would you just like a check?

Or...

I think we're good.

I'm just, uh, you know, I'm just gonna hit the bathroom and I think we'll take the check.

Sure.

So, let's see.

We have one frying flies in the power.

26 crore all in.

Oh, wow.

That is very reasonable.

Oh, yeah, this is just like your standard diner.

It's normal.

It's a standard diner that gets a shipment of dust every day from an unmarked cargo ship, but maybe underground there's like a system of shipments and coming in and outing or whatever.

Right, and maybe sometimes if like some of the distributors get mouthy, they get killed and shot into space.

She said the wrong thing, and then

they kept her nose and put the nose inside of a food golem.

Wait, that's how your mother died?

Yeah.

Oh, that's why?

Wow, why are you bringing that up?

Yeah, Pleck.

No, No, I don't know.

No, it's like just getting really dark with you too.

Be more disgusted by this.

There's still a chance you can blow this out.

No, stop.

That's definitely not what I want to do.

Can we just get rid of that option entirely?

I can't get rid of it, but I can stop offering it.

Yes, please do.

Put it wherever you keep your opinions.

Compliment the nose.

You say there's a nose on her face.

Bory, listen.

Yeah.

I am really sorry that that happened to you.

Thank you.

That's really nice.

And if it was up to me, I'd put you in the refrigerated cargo hold of our ship, the Bargarian Jade, so that your pie would stay nice and cool.

Oh my gosh.

And we could fly away together.

Wow, that is the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.

Thank you, friend.

Oh, I mean.

Wow.

This is really, this really feels good.

It sort of feels like I'm

levitating and that my fingers are like tree branches.

Oh, that's the desk.

That's the desk.

That's the desk.

Attention.

Attention, this is Rebel Pilot Hark Tortigasputa.

Final message.

Somehow my escape pod is still careening toward this planet where I will surely meet my demise, but I just spent my last hour alive doing one of my favorite things.

Listening to the podcast, and that's why we drink.

It's about the paranormal and true crime, two of my greatest passions, in addition to bringing down the Federated Alliance, of course.

Hosts Em and Christine drink wine and milkshakes while telling amazing stories of ghosts and crimes.

You know what?

I might pop a bottle of red and settle in for another episode before the icy cold hand of death takes me.

And that's why we drink comes out every Sunday.

Oh, I just lost my heat shield.

Find it on Apple Podcasts or wherever you listen to podcasts.

I'm about to burn up in an alien stratosphere, so I will soon be another ghost for them to talk about.

Hark, Turtegas, signing off!

Listen for me from the beyond.

Ambassador Dexter, there is an incoming transmission from Junior Missions Operations Manager Nermit Bundaloy.

Oh, hey, Nermit.

Greetings.

Hey.

Hi, Nermi.

Hello.

Listen, I just want-before you say anything, I'd like to apologize for what happened back there at the diner.

My eyes were on fire, and my fingers were tree branches, and I just...

I honestly don't really remember what happened, but it was sort of fun, and now everything's fine.

So let's just drop it.

And they took our corporate card for all the damages.

Apology not accepted.

Okay.

It's worth a shot.

And sorry to say, but that corporate card was actually not yet filled with funds and that has been charged directly to your personal accounts.

Okay.

Yeah, that makes sense.

So the

26 croons meal plus the 3,000 croons damage.

Yes.

Really, we should have covered the meal, and I'm sorry about that.

I just, I didn't get some paperwork in on time.

But the 3,000, that's really on you.

C523, why don't you um pull up the video of Plex's little um performance in Slog's Diner?

Very well, replaying

my skin!

And just you skip through to the highlights.

Why does anyone have seven best friends?

I don't even have one shitty friend.

Okay, um, Junior Missions Operations Manager, Nerman Bundela, in Ambassador Dexetter's defense.

He was very high on dunks.

Oh, yeah.

Wonderful defense.

He was

dusty.

Doing an illegal drug is the defense of

the case.

You left with it in your system, which is why we're having this conversation, which is why,

C53, I need you to approach Ambassador Deck Setter, please.

Alright, please open slot four on your torso.

Slot four, really?

And like a dangerous advent calendar.

And I'm going to need you to run Operation Six.

Operation Six, commencing.

Yep.

Operation Six complete.

That was it?

Well,

can I just have an Operation 6 before bed?

What about what if I'm thinking about you, Nervi?

Can I have a little operation six?

I would um commencing operation six.

No, that's thank you.

You can only

get on it too when I own a ship, but if you just like put it on the floor,

all right.

Operation six is designed to be a mild punishment, it's not supposed to be amusing to anyone.

I would do it again, I would do it again.

666?

Do not do Operation 666 engaging trifold adapter.

Commencing Operation 666.

Operation 666 complete.

If it makes you feel any better, Nermit, that was very painful for me.

That was not my fault.

I ate food that was laced with it.

Right, but you were talking to me.

And the only reason I left the diner was because at the time I was convinced that the only thing that would put the fire in my eyeballs out was the vacuum of space.

Well, okay, but you were also forcibly ejected from the diner.

Right, right.

After his tree branch hands ignited a pile of old menus.

Right, and those are big menus.

Those are very thick.

You were basically sitting underneath a known dust up from the ceiling.

You could have left that at any point.

Those little dusters are obviously going to dust you out.

I mean, that's that's a good point.

Listen, Nermit, I'm sorry, it won't happen again.

Okay, and if it does, you know what number operation is coming for your little belly?

Is it six or is it like seven next time?

No, it'll be six again.

Okay.

It was a hypothetical.

Operation six.

Complete.

C-Red IT5, Credits and Attribution Story, commencing Outro Protocol.

Ambassador Pleck Deck Center was played by Alden Ford.

C-53 Diplomatic Relations and Protocol Droid was played by Jeremy Bent.

Security Officer Dar was played by Ali Gokesh.

Bargie the Ship and Wink were played by Mujan Sulfagari.

Samo was played by Gwinston Noll.

Junior Missions Operations Manager Nerman Bundeloy and Peck the Pervert were played by Seth Lind.

Lori Amper, the waitress, was played by special guest Lauren Adams.

You can see her as Gretchen Chalker in all three seasons of Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt on Netflix or performing at the Upright Sistance Brigade with Rumple Teaser and The Curfew.

Follow her on Twitter at I'm Lauren Adams.

Mission to Six is recorded at Braun Studios in Greenpoint, Brooklyn by engineer Shane O'Connell.

This episode edited by Seth Lind with sound design and and mix by Shane O'Connell.

Music by Brendan Ryan.

Opening crawl narration by Jeremy Crutchley.

Ship design for the Bargerian Jade by Eric Goyce.

Mission to Zix is brought to this galaxy by Audioboom.

Thanks, Audioboom.

Have a question for the crew?

Send an email to crew at missiontosix.space.

Follow us on Facebook, Instagram, Twitter, and even Tumblr at MissionToZ.

If someone would like to show us how to Snapchat, please follow us on Instagram.

It's pretty fun.

Almost everyone in here does it.

I don't wish to force you to try dust out of peer pressure, but dust is great.

Okay.

Ooh, let's open the dust song.

Let's do it.

It makes you cool.

There's a dust song?

Yeah.

Yeah.

One, two, a one, two, three.

Dust, dust, dust, dust, dust, dust, dust, dust.

Is that the whole song?

Is that

dust?

Like when you're on dust, it's hard to kind of.

It sounds a lot better when you're on dust.

It sounds amazing when you're on dust.

You know, I can't do dust either because I'm working right now.

Oh, you guys have that in college.