Welcome Aboard the Bargarean Jade

The period of civil war has ended.

The rebels have defeated the evil galactic monarchy and established the harmonious Federated Alliance.

It's totally less evil.

Now, to restore diplomatic relations between systems, the Federated Alliance has deployed teams of ambassadors throughout the galaxy.

The Alliance's newest recruit, a young farm boy named Pleck Deck Setter, steps aboard the starship Bargerian Jade to embark on his first diplomatic mission.

A mission to

get down on the ground.

Oh, yeah.

Get down on the ground, please.

Present your identification.

Okay, okay, here you go.

You're an ambassador.

Yeah, yeah.

And this is your ship.

Well, I mean, it's not my ship.

It's a ship that I'm.

I mean, I'm going to be.

Is it your ship or is it not your ship?

Yes, it's the ship that I'm going to be.

Yeah.

Get on the ship, Ambassador Dexter.

I'm trying.

Why did you stop?

Ambassador Dexter.

I'm going to shoot you if you don't get on the ship.

Hey, okay, I'm going.

All hail the Federated Lights.

Yeah, all hail to Federated Lights.

Hello?

Welcome, Ambassador Plech Dexetter.

I am C53, Protocol in Diplomatic Relations Droid.

Oh, very nice.

Hello, C-53.

I am Ambassador Plaque Setter.

Were you doing my voice?

No.

To me?

No.

You're doing an impression of me.

No, no, no, no.

No, I was just, I'm just very happy to have a title.

So, your job is like to help me prepare for the mission, then?

That is correct.

That's great.

What?

What's the mission again?

Oh, they haven't told you yet?

Not in so many words.

Well, we are going to the Zix Quadrant.

Are you familiar?

No.

Who's ready to go the ass end up space?

Allow me to introduce you to our security officer, Dar.

Oh, wow.

You are enormous.

Ambassador Dexter.

I'm addressing someone

immediately.

I'm sorry.

I just.

Listen, Pluck.

Here's everything you need to understand.

I'm not going to ask you to deny it.

You're going to be wildly attracted to me, and I will never sleep with you.

Okay.

I'm really glad you cleared that up because I wouldn't have thought about it that way, but I'm glad you preempted that.

Do those are those fangs or are they these are talons?

Well, all over your chest.

Yeah.

Yes.

That's really.

In fact, if you push me right here...

Oh, wow.

I'm going to keep my distance from you, Dar, but I like the cut of your jib.

I woke up from a nap and there's somebody new inside of me.

Who's that?

Oh, you're the new guy, right?

Yeah, Bargie, meet Pluck.

Alright.

Meet Pluck, actually.

I know you know who I am.

It is an honor for you to meet me, I know.

It's great to meet you, Bargy.

Where should I look when I'm talking to you?

Why would you need to look in a specific direction?

I just want to make

sure you're kind of

Bargie.

What was training like for you?

My training process was brief.

They are desperate for applicants.

Ambassador Dexter, I have an incoming transmission from Junior Missions Operations Manager Nermit Bungaloy.

Crew, team, guys.

Hello.

Hello.

Yep.

mission number one.

Here we go.

I cannot wait.

So, you know, I'm excited because we're going to Zix because it is a special quadrant.

It is indeed special.

An uncommon number of people have died horrible deaths there in the last three years.

Oh, wow.

I actually had to pull a lot of secret strings to get you guys to be able to go there because it is, I would say, very shitty.

Cool.

You're good.

I like you.

We're gonna make this happen.

Ambassador Tech Center.

What?

Get down on the ground.

Get down on the ground.

What are you still doing in the hangar?

We're just getting ready.

There's like six ships behind you.

Okay, get out of here.

All right.

I'll hell the Federated Alliance.

I'll hail the Federated Alliance.

Mission to Zix, an improvised science fiction podcast at CYXX, launching September 6th.