New York, MotoGP, Crooked Nipples | Thursday Afternoon Monday Morning Podcast 4-24-25

Hey, what's going on? It's Bill Burr and it's time for the Thursday afternoon just before Friday, Monday morning podcast and I'm just checking in on you. I swear to God, I, oh my God, I fucking, I fucking swear to God, if one more of these motherfuckers.
I just

you know something

that just took me back

that accent

just took me back

to forever being drinking if one more of these motherfuckers. You know something?

That just took me back.

That accent just took me back

to forever being drinking underage

in some East Boston, Chelsea.

That's where we used to go.

They'd fucking serve you.

And you'd just be talking

to some fucking shit show chick

that had a Bud Light and a cigarette

in the same hand

with little yellow teeth.

I'm sorry. show chick that had a Bud Light and a cigarette in the same hand with little yellow teeth.
And you're looking at her like she's got to be 37 and she was like underage too. So where the fuck are you from? Yeah, where's that? South Shore.
Wow Anyway What the fuck was I going to say?

Oh yeah, I was at the hotel gym. By the way, I keep fucking going to the gym almost every day and I wake up in the morning and I'm like, I need to go to CVS, Duane Reade, I need to go to all the fucking pharmacies.
All the fucking pharmacies. And get some Epsom salt.
Or is it Epsom salt? Epsom salt. Epsom salt bath.
That's what I got to do. You know what I should really start doing? I should start taking fucking HGH and testosterone.
Like all these fucking guys I see that are my age. I'm going to tell you this.
I'm this right now you see somebody fucking jacked i don't mean fit i mean fucking yoked 37 are over they're fucking injecting shit into them i'm just that's just it is what it is you're seeing that now in the the proathlete game. Like these fucking guys.
Like I get it. You're a professional athlete.
You know, you're part of a small percentage of people. You're not that fucking, you can't be that fucking jacked over 40.
Yeah, you get over 40. It's a wrap.
Fucking walking around like you still could pick an 18-year-old up and throw him through a fucking wall.

That's not a 40-year-old man.

All right?

That's a fucking cyber truck mixed with a human being.

I'm not threatened.

You are.

Anyway.

What am I doing today? I'm playing with my kids. I already took them out to breakfast.
My son hit my daughter and then had the nerve to ask me for a fucking toy truck. And I was like, you just hit your sister.
Do you think you deserve a toy? And he looked down at the table and then looked back up at me. And that was, that was enough for me.
That means I know that you know the answer is no,

but you're smart enough to not answer the question.

You're going to go Bill Clinton on me.

Hey, Bill, what's the deal with you going to Epstein Island?

I think the record shows.

He smiled and walked away.

I mean, if you didn't do that shit, you'd be like, what the fuck did you just accuse me of?

You don't laugh.

Who laughs when you get...

These politicians can literally get away with anything. Anything.
I don't know. I got to watch what I say on this because now every fucking stupid ass is just taking little things that I say and they just taking it out of context.
Somebody just had a headline. Bill Burr's wife warned him not to go on the view it was a joke she warned me not to go on the view she knows that i'm a fucking misogynistic fucking moron why would you go on that show it's called being smart um but people see that i guess that show leans left you, I do love all the people calling people snowflakes that watch The View, but somehow they know what The View is about, I went on there, I had a great time, I did Kelly Clarkson yesterday, I had a great time, I had a great time on that show, she's fucking hilarious, and it went great and you know what my wife went to that one

and she was uh afterwards she was like all smiles and I was just laughing I was going you see people people do like me because this thing my wife lives with me right and she sees all the dumb shit that i say so she goes i just want people to see you how i see you and i go they do it's just that they don't have to live with me the problem is sweetheart is you have to live with me so all the the fucking happy-go-lucky shit that i do is is diluted because i'm walking around going who the fuck put this here jesus how many fucking times i gotta say to keep this area clear they don't have to say don't see that part they just see the fucking clown with the red nose and the big shoes. Um, so anyway, anyway, I've been having the best time back here with my wife and family.
And I got to tell you something. Yesterday, the matinee and the late show, everybody was fucking on fire.
Everybody was just fucking killing. And Kieran does this thing.
I'm not going to say what it is in case you have tickets. He does this thing.
And he's been doing it for a couple of weeks. And I haven't been looking at him.
And I made the choice last night to look at him when he did it. And he almost got me on both shows.
And I had to mentally go somewhere to prevent myself from bursting out laughing because he was trashing me when he was doing it. But anyway, it's just been a great time, and all I have is one show today.
I think the show's at 7, 7 o'clock. It's just a good time.
I've been playing with the kids, having a great time. My life feels normal again.
And all I got to do is ride out May and then the kids will be done with school. They'll be back in June and then this thing's going to be done.
And I don't know, it's still fun. It's fucking nuts.
We've done like over 50 shows and I'm still having a great time. So, so there is that.
So there is that. What did I want to talk about? There was something, there was something that was on my mind.
I believe, I believe, um, Oh, I actually watched like 10 minutes of a hockey game the other night. I have not watched any sports since I started rehearsing and doing this play.
Especially now, it's like whenever the games come on, I have a show. 7, 8 o'clock.
So I haven't seen one Red Sox game. I know the Celtics are in the playoffs.
I don't know who they're playing. I know they won last night.
I know the Bruins, Penguins, and Rangers didn't make the playoffs in the same year for the first time in the history of hockey. I watched a little bit of Minnesota, Vegas, and Minnesota was up four to nothing.
Vegas got a goal four to one. Then I fell asleep, but I have no idea.
I know Tristan Cassis hit a walk-off home run. I feel like the Red Sox are starting to heat up a little bit.
I've got to figure out some time when I can watch a baseball game, but I don't think it's going to be until the end of June once I get through this thing. But anyway, what are you going to do? What the fuck are you going to do?

Did I tell you that guy that I saw on 7th Avenue?

He had one of those, you know, those things that they're not a motorcycle.

They're not a car.

They're not like a buggy.

It's like a three wheel thing.

I think there's two in the front, one in the back.

It's like if you wanted to buy the Batmobile, but, you know, you didn't quite have the amount of money you needed. Sort of shaped like a triangle.
So anyway, it's like him and three of his friends so they're having fun whatever they actually do look

like fun aside from being super dangerous and he is listening to that alicia keys jay-z song that new york at like full fucking volume i think i already talked about this on his way down to Times Square.

I just struck... down to Times Square.

That just struck me as fucking funny.

That would be like me

driving that thing

in Boston,

three-wheeler,

and then I'm listening to,

I love that dirty water.

Oh, Boston,

you're my home. Like, why would you do that? He's going into Times Square listening to New York, concrete jungle where dreams are made of.
At full fucking volume, blowing out his eardrums and everybody on the sidewalk and then the best part was he was stuck in traffic and he didn't even turn it down like i had to respect that like you ever be listening to some guilty pleasure song you pull up to a red light we all know what you do you put the windows up you turn it down this guy didn't give a fuck. He was just fucking.

Yeah, that's just one of those guys that like whatever you do, that's what you do.

I'm from here. This is what you do.
You go to Times Square. You listen to fucking Alicia Keys and Jay-Z, New York.
Where am I taking this? To the most touristy fucking place. That's what you do.
You get a Yankee fitted. You get a bacon, egg and cheese.
You go, oh, I'm walking here. There's nothing outside the box.
You don't move one inch off your block. You don't fucking, there's nothing to be examined.

You don't look at the people that you grew up with and be like, you know, I like some of this.

Some of this, you just accept all of it.

You just fucking accept all of it.

I was always envious of those people.

You know, those people who had no fucking desire whatsoever to seek anything beyond what they've been shown.

Thank you. You know, those people who had no fucking desire whatsoever to seek anything beyond what they've been shown.
There's a there's a piece to that. Like a lot of New Yorkers are like that.
Yeah, you ever go, why the fuck would I fucking go there? I don't know, experience something. I got my fucking right down the street.
I got the fucking... They have no desire.
The fuck they got out in that fucking place? Well, they're not going to have anything you like with that attitude. Anyway.
Remember that stupid restaurant? It was called Gratitude. And it ended up being like Scientology what what's what's the deal with religion they always have to like put you down a step you always have to be thankful and grateful and all of that shit well yeah I am to the invisible person not to you what now you out here, you're dressed like James Brown

with your fucking robes and shit,

and now I have to, I got,

my gratitude has to go through you?

Why don't you get a fucking job?

Donation.

Get a fucking job.

I think priests should be part-time.

You'd fucking say one mass a week.

What the fuck are you doing the rest of the week? I probably don't want to know. Why don't you go get a fucking job? Do something.
I wonder if they're like comedians working a half-filled comedy club. Oh, geez, I got a fucking two and a seven tonight.
Holy, holy, holy. Just walking in there.
I wonder if some of them are fucking on gummies they should do that like gummy Fridays right and the fucking priest just eats like 50 milligrams and then gives a homily.

It would be amazing.

I'm not going to lie to you guys.

I don't really know what happens to you when you die, man.

But I know that, you know, there's no reason why we can't all be cool.

You know, that's something.

Just breaks down crying.

I just took my kids out to breakfast, right?

So I ordered this breakfast and the guy goes, you want cream in your coffee? I said, I don't want to eat coffee. He goes, it comes with coffee.
I was like, all right, cream. He goes, it also comes with orange juice.
I go, I don't want orange juice. He goes, it comes with it.
I go, all right. So he just brought it, and I didn't drink drink it it's like why didn't you just fucking just there's no reason to pour that out right pour it in you know he's gonna dump it down the sink I get it you're gonna charge me for it but I said I didn't want it he goes it comes with it all right you know it's kind of like relationships.

I find you attractive.

Okay, great.

I don't take accountability for my actions.

Well, I don't want that.

It comes with it.

It comes with it, buddy.

Buckle the fuck up because it comes with it.

Can anybody explain to me why watching MotoGP3, the Moto3 is so much fun? There's something about those bikes. I just look at them and go, I could fucking ride one of those because they're so little.
And then you realize that they're going well over 100 miles an hour on essentially what looks like a fucking bicycle. And then you go, you know, I don't think I could do that.
I mean, I could i could do that that would be the greatest if you had me miked up on that thing going 100 miles an hour down the fucking straightaway you just hit me yeah i fucking went by be scared shitless scared shitless um anyway so all i got is one show today uh Uh, I'm going, I'm going to the gym, doing fucking upper body, dude. I've been actually, I finally went into my account on Instagram and all of these workout videos that I saved and I never did any of them.
I did one of them the other day and I'm still all a sore. So I got to, uh, I got to keep doing that because I've been going to the gym.
Did I mention I've been going to the gym like every day, but I just keep doing the same workout. And I deliberately said that so I could get a thousand emails being like, bro, you can't do that.
You got to switch it up every two weeks. This is what you wanna do.
Do a fucking cycle. What do you think like the long-term effects of that shit is gonna be? HGH and testosterone and taking that stuff.
You know? The reality is, I don't think that anybody knows yet. It's still really early in the game.
But the one thing that I've learned in life is you can't have your cake and eat it. There is always a price to fucking pay for everything.
So if you're going to walk around fucking jacked, I don't know, some of these stories that I'm seeing in the media right now, I'll tell you. Oh, boy, howdy, I will tell you.
You know, maybe if you weren't all fucking jacked in your 50s, right? Well, I guess money. Whores do like money, right? That's their thing.
That's true, right? This has got to be a great age to be a whore. Right?

Because back in the day, they had to bang some old pruned up looking guy. But now that guy can get Botox.
He can get a hair system. He gets HGH.
You know? And from a distance, you can't tell that he was born mid last century.

That the dick you're riding shared the earth with Eisenhower.

Like you don't have to think about that.

You know, this general West, pre-general Westmoreland fucking pectorals. Yeah, this is a really fucked up time.
And I don't know if any of you regular people, and by regular people I mean you're not in show business because you're always saying how we're all fucked up, right? Have you guys noticed that a lot of you have more plastic surgery than the average not a lot of you but you can you can walk around in your fucking hometown and you can see a person that looks like they used to have a movie career it went south so now they're fucking with their face you know the fucking fake lip epidemic. The Brazilian butt.
The Botox. All those real housewives looking chicks.
Yeah, it's a really, it's a very strange time. Everybody is walking around like they just had a movie that did okay, they need a hit they need a hit or they have an award show coming up like if you look at fucking uh politicians now you look at real estate agents real estate agents i mean they they have as much plastic surgery as they do properties that they're selling And the men, too.
These fucking men going out getting goddamn fucking Botox. It's a strange...
I'll tell you, it's fucking weird. Maybe it is social media.
Is that what it is? Because everybody's on there and all of a sudden you have a page and you just post something being like, you know, you start off, you're just a regular looking person who on the weekend has like a little flower box. You know, you grow some herbs and some flowers.
And everybody's, I love this page. This page is like, this page is like everything.
You know, I love this guy. He is like this page is like everything you know i love this guy he's just like a regular guy you know he's growing herbs and flowers and stuff right and then like the first person comes on it's just like uh hey dude you know it's pretty cool that you're growing basil and shit but uh you know what's up with that fucking thing on your face? It looks like you have an extra nose, right? So what do they do? They go out and they get that lanced and that just opens Pandora's box.
Then all of a sudden they're like, wow, I thought I was going to have to deal with my second nose for my whole life. I kind of accepted it and just like that the guy came in there like like he was modifying a car just took that right off maybe uh the next thing you know you're back there and that guy's you know they start drawing the lines all over your body you ever seen that my wife used to watch those fucking shows.
Was it botched or something like that?

Where people...

You know, what do they call it when a word sounds like what it is?

Like botched.

That sounds like bad plastic surgery.

Like you fucked up.

Yeah, people would come in with like, you know, two different size titties. One's looking one way, one's looking the other, you know, like that fucking lizard, right? And they take the shirt off and they're like, I just, I just want my nipples to be looking at the same thing.
And the guy's like, it's okay. It's all right.
It's all right. And just two angry fucking titties just sitting there you know fucking bloodshot

you know like murder in their eyes and he's like all right we're gonna we're gonna make these titties

inviting again why do your titties have road rage

they're evidently at a fork in the road they're're looking down both streets, right? And then they would come in and they would relax her titties. Like the fucking, it would look like the nipple was going to pop off the end.
They had made them so big. Now that I guess they figure out how to do it.
The bottom line is what I'm saying. Is if we keep going in this trend.
In this direction. That people are getting behind a fake ass.
Reaching around for some fake titties. And you have calf implants as a dude.
And a penis enlargement and all that, like how we're slowly becoming like,

like there's going to be like this middle ground.

There's going to be humans.

There's going to be robots.

And then this middle ground of like plastic people.

Like that's,

what's going to be amazing.

Some of these people,

when they die,

they're going to decompose at the same rate as a plastic water bottle. Anyway, having said that, I have a gig in Turkey coming up.
All right. And I don't want to be judged.
All right. I'm going there to make people laugh and maybe get my hair back.

And if I choose to do that, I'm making that choice for me.

And I shouldn't be judged.

It should be a safe space.

All right, let's do the reads here.

Chubbies.

This sounds like some freaky sex people out in the suburbs have. Some sort of subset of shit that they're into.
Chubbies. You know? Little fat white people, five foot six and under, that like to fuck on the grass.
I'm a chubby. I identify as chubby.
Well, you don't have to identify it, dude. I can see it, you fat fuck.
All right, Chubbies, fellas, A-plers here. But this ain't the time for fooling.
For fooling. It's the time to let those thighs fucking breathe.
It's the time to let those thighs breathe. Whether you're playing a round of golf with the fellas, hitting up a beer garden, or visiting an actual garden, Chubbies has you covered for all the good vibes that warm weather brings.
Their classic lined swim collection has your new favorite trunks for those sunny days. Why are they called Chubbies? Well, in case you get a fucking hot on by the pool.
For everything non-water related, their original shorts provide that classic look with a fresh vibe and a modern fit. And for a mix of laid back style and performance, you got to try their everywhere shorts.
That's everywhere. W-E-A-R.
You get it? Not W-H-E-R, like everywhere, like everywhere. They got every style, every fit, as it could say.
Everywhere, get it? These rascals are a clever little bunch. At the end of the day, your wardrobe deserves a springtime upgrade.
So sweeten the deal. For a limited time, Chubbies is giving our listeners 20% off your order with our exclusive code.
Use code BURR at chubbiesshorts.com. You know, if they do another Anchorman, they're going to have Chubbies and Furries have a big fight like the way they did the Anchorman.
Experience unmatched comfort and style with Chubbies iconic original stretch shorts, depending on how much thigh you're looking to show. Chubby's makes them in four inches, five and a half and seven inch seams.
Featuring an elastic waistband with button fly. Enjoy the classic men's khaki style with the added comfort of elastic.
The elastic waistband. You want to be 30 pounds over the number on the back of your fucking pants? Get an elastic waistband.
Pair the original stretch shorts with Chubby's lineup of performance polos, and now you're cooking with gas. And come on, this wouldn't be a true ad read if we didn't mention Chubby's classic lined swim Swim Collection.
For a limited time, Chubby's is giving our viewers, our listeners, 20% off your order with the code BURR at chubbyshorts.com. That's chubbyshorts.com, code BURR, B-U-R-R.
Support our show and tell them we sent you. Don't blend in with the crowd.
Stand out with chubbies.

Oh, look who it is, everybody.

It's open phone.

All right, listen up.

If you're running a business,

you're probably juggling a million things right now.

But every time you miss a call,

you're throwing money away.

Seriously, think about it.

Let's say you're a plumber and someone calls you. They need something and you're out there getting a coffee, taking a nap or whatever.
What are these people's idea of what the day in the life of a plumber is? And that call straight to voicemail. Poof, gone.
Opportunity lost. That's why, well, if somebody needs a plumber that bad, maybe you don't want to go over.
I'm swimming in shit over here. That's why you need open phone.
It's the phone system that actually keeps up with your business. No more missed calls.
No more missed opportunities. Open phone gives you a business number that works right through on an app on your phone.
Simple, right? If you have employees or coworkers that, wait, if you have employees or co-workers, your whole team can share the same number to answer calls and texts like a shared inbox. Whoever picks up, they know exactly what's going on.
And with AI-powered call transcripts and summaries, you don't have to worry about taking down messages and follow-ups slipping through the cracks. Over 50,000 businesses trust Open Phone, so don't be the last one to catch up.
Everybody at your office is going to be on the same phone. Oof.
What could happen? What could accidentally get sent? Go to openphone.com slash burr and get 20% off your first six months. That's Open Phone.
Phone with a PH dot com slash Burr. And if you got numbers from another service, they'll port them over at no extra charge.
Open phone. No missed calls.
No missed customers. All right.
Ava. Pronounced Ava like Ava Gardner.
When was the last time you thought about your credit score, huh? If your answer is never, you're not alone. But here's the thing.
A good score can mean better rates, lower payments, and bigger opportunities. That's where Ava comes in.
Yeah, if you understand money. Ava is a credit building app that makes it super simple to improve your credit fast so you can get better rates on loans, pay off debt faster and keep more money in your pocket.
The Ava card gives you credit up to twenty five hundred bucks and you can use it to pay your existing bills and subscriptions automatically. Then just sit back and watch your credit climb.
Well, yeah, you got to still be making payments to somebody. They don't just give you twenty five hundred bucks.
Ava reports your on time payments to all major credit card bureaus every day to help you build positive credit history quicker. The longer you stick with Ava, the higher your score can go.
Joining Ava gives you access to all of Ava's credit building tools, starting at just six dollars per month. For just six dollars per month, you can potentially save thousands.
There's no credit check, no interest, and no fees. Ava is the highest credit rating building app with thousands of five-star reviews.
It's the only credit building app rated excellent on Trustpilot and an A-plus with Better Business Bureau. Don't let your credit hold you back another day.
Grow your credit score fast with Ava. Download the Ava app, spelled A-V-A, today.
And when you join, using my promo code BURRFREE, all capital letters, no space, B-U-R-R-F-R-E-E, you'll get your first month for free. This offer is only for my listeners.
Get the Ava app and use promo code BURRFREE to get your first month. That's promo code BURFREE.
Thanks to Ava. And now, go get yourself good credit.
That was written weird. Discover the value of driving with Mizeh Chevrolet, your trusted destination for new and used Chevrolet vehicles in Vacaville, Napa, and Fairfield.
Conveniently located just off Highway 80 at the Leisure Town Road. All right.
Do I have one more? I do, oh my God, I'll get through this quickly. All right, Simply Safe, everybody.
With longer daylight hours, you may be spending more time away from the house and giving burglars more opportunity to strike. FBI crime data shows break-ins are more likely during daylight hours than under the cloak of night.
Protect your home with Simply Safe's proactive security that helps stop threats before they happen. With Simply Safe, millions of Americans enjoy the new standard of home security and a greater peace of mind every time they arm their system when heading out in the morning or when locking up each night.
Traditional security systems only take action after someone has already broken in. That's too late.
Simply safe, active guard, outdoor protection can help prevent break-ins before they happen. AI-powered cameras backed by live professional monitoring agents monitor your property and detect suspicious activity.
If someone's lurking around or acting suspiciously, these agents see and talk to them in real time, activate spotlights and even contact the police all before they have the chance to get inside your home. No long-term contracts or cancellation fees.
Monitoring plans start affordably at around a dollar a day. 60-day satisfaction guarantee or your money back.
Visit simplysafe.com slash burr to claim 50% off a new system with a professional monitoring plan and get your first month for free at simplysafe.com slash burr. There's no safe

like simply safe. All right, there you go.
Um, all right. And with that, uh, old Billy boy is going to call his, his fucking agent today.
And I'm going to try to get some, uh, some standup dates here in New York for in May and in June, because, uh, once this plays over, old Billy's going overseas. I'm going to London.
I'm going to Abu Dhabi. And then I'm going to Italy.
I think I'm going to Florence or Milan. I can't remember which.
So I have to have my act together, as the kids say. So that is the podcast.
Enjoy the music here. Picked out by the incredibly talented Andrew Thamelis.

Then we have a bonus episode of the Thursday afternoon.

Just before Friday, Monday morning podcast.

You don't need plastic surgery.

Alright?

Don't get plastic surgery.

Okay?

Look human.

Look human so we know what side you're on when the robots are coming.

All right, I'll see you.

Have a great weekend, you cunts.

We entitled our special segment this evening, Telefuture.

It's the first in a series of three special reports from reporter Fred Briggs

on the future of televised communication in the United States,

a future which is more varied and interesting than many people would believe. Thank you.
Hey, what's going on? It's Bill Burr. It's time for the Monday Morning Podcast for Monday, April 24th, 2017.
How's it going? How are you? How are you doing? How's your week? I'm sorry the podcast is a little late. I traveled today.
I flew back from Boise, Idaho. Not Boise, everybody.
There's an S in there. That's what I learned when I was up there.
Boise, Idaho. And you know what's hilarious? When we landed, when we landed at it, you know that the fucking shooter, you know, on the plane, the shooter? I don't mean with a gun, because you can't get guns on the planes unless you make one like, what's his face there? John Malkovich in that Clint Eastwood movie.
What was it called? Gun. Is that what it's called? He made like that little plastic gun.
Till I get some goddamn respect. And he fucking hung up the phone.
No, this I'm not talking about a gun. The fucking the shooter, the guy, the wedge breaker.
It's like the second they ring that little bing bong and you can take off your seatbelt. Some guy from 12 rows back like runs up to the front of the plane.

So, of course, he stops right on my row. So now I can't get up and I'm looking at his dad jeans and he was wearing flip flops.
All right. So I got to give it up to the guy.
All right. You know, to show that kind of quickness with like, you know, a third of a shoe on was it was impressive.
so this fucking guy who was in the row behind me diagonally across starts fucking chirping in his ear. It was like the fucking NHL playoffs.
I'm like, are these guys going to drop the gloves? I see him talking to the guy and see the guy, you know, the flip flop guy looking over his shoulder, right? It's basically a guy with really nice shoes and polka dot socks in first class, which is where I sit. I, that's, I, I, I don't give a fuck.
I don't give a fuck if I'm flying to Las Vegas. I sit in the front of the fucking plane.
That's just how I do it. All right? I spent 20 goddamn years in the back of the plane.
I swear to God, I'm not going back. Then I just spilled a fucking tea all over the place.
What are the odds that I would put my wallet on the fucking string to the tea bag and then this shit's just going to go all over the place. It's just, I swear to God, I'm having a hell of a like fucking four

days here. Every goddamn thing, every little cunty thing that can go wrong.
You know, first I break

my computer screen and then the teabag comes out. I mean, Jesus Christ, that's going to take me at

least 11 seconds to clean up or I just kind of wipe it up with my sock. Oh, what a fucking animal.
I just had to stop it from going down the side of the table. Don't judge me.
So anyways, let's get back to the polka dotted socks. All right.
Fucking gentleman. Worked his way up to the front of the fucking plane.
Or maybe he was born into money. I don't know.
I don't think this guy was. Because he was fucking all over this fucking animal with his flip flops who was coming up from, you know, the fucking, the animal section of the plane.
Where this guy deserved to be. Alright? I'm telling you right now, that should be your guy's goal in life.
You gotta get to the front of the fucking plane and that that's not a metaphor that is it literally you have to get to the front of the fucking plane unless you don't travel that often then just you know suck it up who gives a shit but if you travel all the time you have to get to the front of the fucking plane and i'm telling you the only difference between the front of the plane and the back of the plane is they just they treat you like a human being that's it that's it it's not like it used to be where you know there was fucking broads up there and you know they'd meet you in the eastern airlines fucking lounge afterwards and they you know you're having like a fucking whatever the fuck happened in the 70s you know what i mean it's that incredible meeting of pubes that that decade was um so anyways this guy is fucking in the guys like i i've you know i got my fucking the free fucking bose headsets the wireless ones that those bose cunts gave me and then i found out they're spying on you if you have the app i had to delete the fucking app jesus christ and then i found out those guys at blue apron are like going down to farmers markets they're going hey you don't want to you don't want to be with these guys come over to us you know what i mean what a bunch of pussies if that's what they're doing allegedly that's what they were doing why don't you fucking go do that in the goddamn ralph Do it in a supermarket, right?

Stay in your own weight class.

You colored apron cunts.

It's fucking hilarious.

This farmer's market guy was going off on him.

He's going blue apron.

They eliminate the middleman.

He's like, ah, hello.

You are the middleman,

you dumb cunt.

We eliminate it.

We farm this shit.

We're going right to the people.

Anyways, I probably just lost the sponsor there, but I don't give a fuck, right? If that's what they're doing. If you weren't doing it, I apologize to everybody that, you know, wears an apron the color of my balls right now.
Okay? I apologize. Anyways.
Jesus, Bill, can you get to the fucking fight? All right.

All right.

Sorry.

I'm a little distracted.

I don't like doing this podcast on days that I traveled.

I'm a little scared of brain there.

More so than usual.

All right.

Before you make your joke.

God damn, my new computer screen is gleaming.

I'll tell you, underrated.

Breaking your fucking computer screen.

You know, you take it down.

You never go to the Apple store. Don't ever go to the Apple Store.
The Apple Store is like Flying Coach. Okay? You're going to go in there and they're going to treat you like a fucking animal.
You know? They put themselves on a higher plane walking around. Genius.
Right? On their shirt. What does your shirt say? It says nothing.
Right? Like you have no fucking thought in your head head you got to go down there and go talk to those fucking wiry cunts um anyways no you go to just some local fucking place you know they charge you a little bit more but you go in there okay and you get treated like a fucking human being so i go in there and you know and they see the busted computer screen they know what the fuck happened you know and i'm not gonna lie to them like oh you know uh i got a little one at home and she knocked it off the table you know doing that shit i didn't do that they go what happened to it i said i stabbed it with my phone so they start laughing they go why'd you do that i said because uh i'm an impatient person and i'm not good at these things and uh it seemed like the right thing to do in the moment and i immediately regretted it so now i'm here to give you my money if you can fix this and they were like absolutely you know you know what's funny is i always have a piece of tape i have a piece of tape over the fucking camera. So I don't

want people watching me fucking jerking off the porn. I don't, I don't want to watch people, me muttering, walking around, talking to myself in the hotel room, trying to come up with new jokes.
I just don't want people watching me. So that's the first thing I noticed.
I was like, wow, this screen is really clean and fucking big brother can see what's going on. You know, I don't mind if they can hear what's going on.
I just don't want them to see it. So anyways, there's this guy.
He's got polka dot socks on. He's fucking, you know, got a smart pair of wingtip shoes on.
And he's just fuck giving this guy shit. So I take off my Bose headphones, you know, which they probably downloaded the entire argument.
It was fucking spying cunts, right? So I take him off and he's right in mid sentence. Yeah, you just walk right up here you hit me with your bag what's wrong with you what's wrong with you and i can't hear what the other guy's saying but this other guy the guy in first class you'd think he'd say some fucking guy with little soft hands you know never worked a day in his life he's fucking all over this guy to the point the guy who uh you know the flip-flop guy just turns his back and doesn't want to say anything, and this guy just keeps going.
He goes, what are you going to do next? Are you going to push down a kid? You know? Hey, you might want to brush your teeth too. He started giving the guy shit for how bad his breath stunk.
I was like, I fucking love this guy. Fucking love the guy.
Just fucking just the entire time it took him to get the goddamn jetway over.

This guy is just in his fucking in his fucking ear.

And the guy wouldn't drop the gloves, would not drop the gloves during the playoffs.

Unbelievable.

You know, like he's some star player.

Right.

And he's going to he's going to he actually hurt the team if he fucking sits down the shooter man you know i wished what happened i wished he i grabbed him by his backpack because i don't give a shit if you have if you fucking have a black belt in every martial art um discipline if you have on a backpack it's fucking over because all the has to do, once somebody just grabs your backpack and starts running the other way, there's nothing in jujitsu, there's nothing in Aikido, you just can't. You know? That's why, if you watch the UFC, and Joe Rogan will tell you this, they do not allow backpacks into the octagon for that specific reason.

You know what I mean?

The backpack, it's like the gun as far as like just throws the black belt right out the window.

You know what I mean?

You know, like all karate movies, like nobody can have a gun because then it's just kind of like, well, yeah, I can just shoot you, you know?

That's the coward way out or the cinchy way out.

You remember that?

Oh, you can do it. It's cinchy.
That's when I was a little kid. That was a word that just disappeared.
It meant easy. I guess it's a cinch.
Became cinchy. I just figured that fucking 48 years later, I finally get it.
Anyways, I just wish I reached up, grabbed his backpack and yanked it back passed him to the polka dotted sock guy and everybody just passed him right back to his fucking row would have been tremendous you know and i know a lot of you young listen to this podcast and i could lie to you and say that pre-9-11 that was the america that i that i lived in, you know?

You know, I could sit in my house and not have to worry about somebody from the geek squad

watching me fucking rub one out, you know,

in the privacy of my own goddamn home.

I have tape over every fucking thing I can find.

They can listen, but they can't see.

That's the deal.

There's no video.

Just like the podcast.

No fucking video.

I'm in my living room right now.

I got my TV.

They got the little fucking camera up there.

I'm not fucking doing that.

Thank you. like the podcast no fucking video in my living room right now they got i got i got my tv they got the little fucking camera up there not fucking doing that i want to look at some fucking pimple face douche and play uh war of the worlds whatever these kids do you know war of the worlds whatever the fuck is warcraft minecraft mind head what is it called has a video game transcended

video gamers to the point that I actually

know Mindhead, what is it called? Has a video game transcended video gamers to the point that I actually know? Isn't it Witches of Eastwick? What is that fucking game that everybody loses their mind when it comes out? Is that Warcraft? Something like that. It'll come to me.
No, it won't. But whatever.
That's how you get out of your own stupidity. That's such a great phrase.
It'll come to me. Why didn't I know that back in the day when I was in math class? You know? What is the sine, cosine, and tangent of that fucking hypotenuse? Mr.
Burr. Oh, it's...
Don't tell me.

You know what?

It'll come to me.

It'll come to me.

Then my teacher will be like,

Hey, fair enough.

Maybe I wouldn't have to go to summer school

two out of four years.

I should have gone all three.

I should have gone all four years.

You know what I mean?

My sophomore teacher let me off the hook

and gave me a D minus.

And then senior year,

I was like,

Well, what's the point?

What's the fucking point?

What am I getting to a better community college?

Thank you. and then senior year, I was like, well, what's the point? What's the fucking point? What am I, getting to a better community college? Yeah, it didn't make any fucking difference.
You know what I mean? It's like when the fucking outfield's playing in, you know, and then the guy after the plate, he hits it over the guy's fucking head. He doesn't go get it.
He just runs in. That's why I treated summer school in my senior year.
I'm not fucking doing that shit. What's the point when I can go out and get hammered, drive drunk and do what you did in the 80s? Just driving around hammered, hammered.
You go down to the fucking liquor store or the Packy, as we called it. Hey, go down to Packy and get me a six of dude.
We go down to the Packy store, right just stand there out front you know your hands in your pockets looking as conspicuous as possible and then you just fucking walk up to adults and be like hey could you buy me some beer you know and there was no fight there was no cameras back then the television had just been invented i mean and nobody knew how to work these things and people would do that they would actually like not even think about the liability they would go out and they you know you try to judge like get a buyer that's what it was you try to like try to like pick the right person somebody look cool you know i mean anybody in a suit you're like fuck that guy i'm not asking him you don't ask a mom you know didn't ask any women you know what hoarded up a little bit. You're like, then you got to make the judgment call.
How involved in her life was her father? I don't know. I don't know.
No, I'm not doing it. I'm not doing it.
And you just wait for somebody. A little bit of long hair, you know, some fucking shitty little mustache.
You look for a dirt bag. It's basically what you did.
Someone who would have no concern for people underage driving away with alcohol. And that's the way it was done.
I don't even know what I'm talking about right now. You know what it is? I got these fucking helicopters in my ears.
Can you hear that thing? They're like hovering right over my house. They're having a big parade right now.
I don't know, parade or something. It's the Armenians.
They're recognizing or remembering everybody who died in the genocide, you know? You know, I just realized that just

really just fucked up my relationship with the Turkish funny bone. I probably won't be

getting any weekends out there for a while that and kazakhstan or whoever the two countries are that try to act like yeah we didn't we never

did that ah that never happened yeah well the rest of the world knows it did so you can just

sit there and deny it all you want what are you fucking bernie madoff how long are you gonna

fucking lie about this shit um i actually watched this documentary speaking of just

Thank you. What are you, fucking Bernie Madoff? How long are you going to fucking lie about this shit? I actually watched this documentary.

Speaking of just despicable, horrible things to do to human beings.

You know?

I don't know anything about Turkish people, but I'll tell you right now.

They were probably scared shitless of Armenians.

You know what I mean?

They're fucking tough people.

That's probably what it was. They got all nervous or some shit.ians.
You know what I mean? They're fucking tough people.

That's probably what it was.

They got all nervous or some shit.

I don't know what it was.

There's a lot of Armenians in my neighborhood,

and I swear to God,

like every other one of them you look at,

and you're like, is that a UFC champion?

They're fucking jacked.

Their heads are shaved.

Every one of them just looks like they could kick the shit out of you.

I don't know. Maybe Turkey got got nervous i have no idea what happened i don't know how you could fucking do that um i don't know the older i get the older i get the more uh sickening human behavior becomes not saying i'm some fucking saint but i i still for the life of I mean, understand how war is legal i just don't i don't get it you know let let's let's let's wade into international waters here without really paying attention to anything i i don't you know i don't even watch the bbc you know that's what a lot of stuck-up cunts over here.
I just want to get another perspective. So Syria gasses some of its own fucking people and then we shoot missiles at them.
So my thing is, where did the missiles go and who died? How accurate are those missiles? Was it just some guy selling popcorn on this corner of uh syria and uh kazakhistan you

know he's up there step right up step right up extra extra read all about it then we're like ah sorry about that sorry about that we were trying to get the guy that did the thing that we didn't like. That we frowned upon.
We would like to apologize to anybody at the food court. I have no idea.
Are our missiles that good? I don't know. I have no idea.
I just don't get how that works. Yeah, war is just really, I just don't, I don't understand it.
We're going gonna murder more of your people before uh you murder all our people and then when we win we're gonna say that you guys are evil right the only way is is if somebody just starts with you they started you know then you got to finish it i guess that's how it works you know what i mean didn't sean connery make a speech about this and

the untouchables or something like that i i don't fucking know but i don't i don't get why we're all up in arms about that hairless fat fuck over there in korea you know what i mean i just don't i don't understand why this guy can't shoot off his fireworks in his own fucking country i mean we do that shit all the time. Who gives a fuck?

What is

that fucking

dick? understand why this guy can't shoot off his fireworks in his own fucking country i mean we do that shit all the time who gives a fuck what is that fucking dick gerbil gonna do that's what he's built like he's built like a gerbil he just has like a fucking he's adorable if he would just stop with the i'm gonna blow up fucking the united states he's you gotta admit the guy he's kind of adorable you know i don't know i have no fucking idea but anyway so i was watching this thing on europe uh right after world war ii and then i it was so fascinating to me what the fuck was going on that i actually you know i went on i actually got on my the internet i didn't have my laptop because i stabbed it with my phone but my phone was still working so i was checking out you know a couple of websites and this one website put exactly how my mindset was how i believed world war ii right after was like all right i mean i knew in germany that obviously they had to fucking rebuild you know obviously japan hello that was a rough one right i knew that they you know were rebuilding but everybody else i kind of thought hey you know everybody was all in a good mood and shit and skipping down the fucking street because it was over as his website put it you know there was sailors kissing nurses in fucking times square that was it and evidently it was not uh in a lot of ways like people were acting exactly the way against the people they were fighting it was fucking brutal there was all kinds of rapes murders people settling. All Germans that were all around Europe that, you know, were not in Germany.
They were getting fucking killed and sent back to Germany. A couple of little mini genocides, which, you know, between people in Eastern fucking Europe.
It was just like, Jesus Christ. And I have to tell you something.
These are fucking fucking Nazis too. Every time I think.
Like I've heard the worst thing they ever did. It's like you literally.
You can't even watch it. I just found out something else they did.
I'm going to tell you. It was so fucking disturbing.
I'm not even going to repeat it. I can't stop fucking thinking about it.
And then they were showing the goddamn Nuremberg trials. And those fuckingi cunts are sitting there with this arrogant look on their face like well this is fucking bullshit you know and then i'm thinking how could you think that how could you not be like wow that got a little yeah i guess we got a little sideways with that uh plan huh they're fucking sitting there you know with these look on their face like yeah like like this is fucking bullshit and i'm thinking like how could they possibly think that because they're probably and i'm thinking they think well if we fucking won you guys would be sitting here all right what about when you firebomb dresden how about that shit and then we could just be like well you know we wouldn't have done that if you wouldn't do what you were doing if you weren't doing what you were doing right mr blonde they had just done what i told them to do no one would have been dead that's what we were doing if you didn't do what the fuck you were doing we wouldn't have done what we did and then they would say well we what we did we learned from you with what you did to the native americans and then we would say well you That wasn't us.
We weren't alive when that happened. And then they'd be like, well, you know what? You're still alive.
And a lot of them are still alive. And you're not doing anything about it.
And we're like, all right, fair enough. You know what? We'll set some emotion to eventually give them casinos.
And the Nazis would be like, you know, fair enough. Fair enough.
And that's it. They had all this fucking footage of them hanging these fucking guys.
Just a nonchalant way they did it. They had this footage of this guy.
I don't even know what the fuck it was. It was like, it was just a board.
It was like a do-it-yourself fucking hang the guy right in court. They fucking tie the guy's behind his back they lay him down on this board it just goes like to a 45 degree angle they hoist the guy up they put a fucking rope around his neck and he's sitting there fucking holding him up right and then a guy with gloves just covers the guy's eyes and then they let go of him and as the guy slides down he breaks his neck and the guy with the hands just he just moves his hand with the guy's head so you never see his fucking eyes you know because they don't want to upset people in court it's fucking insane fucking insane and uh jesus christ i i gotta be honest with you.
I really wish I didn't watch it because there was this woman testifying. And that, you know, if you want to see it, I can't remember the program.
I'm sure you can find it on the fucking Internet. You know, just Google what the fuck was Bill talking about World War II.
I'm sure somebody will find it. And you got to see them.

Like, you know, all right. This is just not funny anymore.
All right.

Let's plow ahead. Let's talk about something else.
Okay. So I was in,

I was in Boise. This, Jesus Christ.
Sorry.

I'm typing my password here. I was in, boy, you know what?

Has anybody seen Joe McIntyre's new show? Joe McIntyre from New Kids on the Block from the movie The Heat. I got to work with him on that movie and he was a fucking great guy.
Absolutely hilarious, right? So I was supposed to do a podcast with him to help promote his show. And I had I just completely forgot.
and he drove all the way over to this podcast studio and I was supposed to do a podcast with him to help promote his show. And I had, I just completely forgot.

And he drove all the way over to this podcast studio and I wasn't there.

Completely fucked the guy over.

So he's going to be, I'm going to be interviewing him for next week's Monday morning podcast.

And he is going to give me a fucking ton of shit.

So out of guilt, I'm like, fuck, I got to watch this guy's show.

Because I fucked this up and I put it on and lo and behold it's fucking hilarious it's fucking hilarious okay i'm not gonna lie to you i hit pause because i wanted to make sure that i i said this guy's name right joey lawrence did a guest star i always forget there's too many joe fuck, I was going to fuck it up. He was fucking hilarious.
And the guy who plays his agent is great. I don't know what his name is.
I'm on the IMDB page. I'm going to fuck all of this stuff up.
Everybody on the show is hilarious. Jamie Denbo, who I also worked with in the heat.
Who else was in? Donnie Wahlberg. All of these guys were just, it's really fucking really fucking funny thank christ because i was already sitting there going like fuck i fucked this guy over i didn't show up and then i'm gonna watch his show and i'm like oh god what if it's terrible then what do i do i gotta sit there and cross ah it's a great show i can actually tell you it's a great show i don't know what network it's on i'm gonna going to fuck about it.
I'll know by Monday.

All I know is it's not on the Comfy network,

but it's fucking hilarious.

Just look it up.

It's really, really well written.

And the guy who plays his agent is a fucking beast.

Kills it.

And I don't know. I actually found it interesting too.

Like what his life is like, you know,

because it's based obviously on his life.

And there's so much like creepy older women wanting to come up and hug him and now he's got to kind of just allow them to do it um i found that hilarious just because i don't like people touching me you know i just after. I just.
Like I so understand Howie Mandel. You know what I mean.
Just as. People always wanted to come up and touch him.
And then like. What if he wants a fucking sandwich.
And all those hands he just shook. All that DNA.
He could literally start his own country. With what is on his fucking hands.
And when you really start thinking about that, you know, that's, I don't know. Like my favorite time to meet people is during the winter when I'm back East and you already have gloves on.
I love winter when you're in New York, you know, you can go on the subway, you can grab onto shit, you can finally hold on, you know, just walking down the street, high-fiving homeless people. You don't give a shit, right? You got on gloves.
It's perfect. Maybe that's what I'm going to do.
You know, I've always been looking for something. Oh, look who's here.
Am I being too loud? No, no, no. I haven't done the podcast yet.

Oh, it's the two lovely ladies.

Can I say hello to my daughter?

What's up?

Huh?

Oh, you know what?

The internet doesn't work in the office.

And I was worried I was going to stab my laptop again with my phone.

I didn't want to do that.

Come here. Let me get one little smile here.
Let me get one little smile. Hey, buddy.
Oh, she just woke up. Did you just wake up? Hey, remember me? Ah, there's that smile.
How are you? All right, she's too adorable, and this is not going to be a funny podcast anymore. How are you, cutie? We going to hang out today?

Read you a couple beers.

Nice smile.

All right.

Sorry, I'm back.

I'm back.

All right, let me do some of the reads here.

So yeah,

check out our return of the Mac.

Yeah.

How funny is that show?

There you go.

See that near would never lie.

All right.

Let me,

let me read some of these fucking things here.

Okay.

Anyway,

so let's get on to,

okay.

So I was up there.

I am going to talk hockey,

but I'm trying to avoid the pain um i'm trying to avoid the pain okay i just thought about carlito's wife here comes the bed i reload it klinefeld is my friend um that's that's one of my favorite roles sean penn ever played. fucking love him in that i love him with the fucking perm and the receding hairline you know he's doing the fucking blow cop comes in says all that crazy shit to him trying to scare the shit out of him he just looks at the cop and goes dun dun dun fucking hilarious oh i love sean penn you know sometimes

i pray for a flood just so i can see him coming up in a boat just to rescue me he's that kind of

guy um anyways um so i'm up in boise idaho working the egyptian theater had a great

fucking time despite the fact for the first time in like 12 13 years i had to kick somebody out of the show and i never do that and i told the guy i don't want to do that i think it's a pussy move by a comedian deal with the heckler and that's it but this guy was just he just was you know he wasn't um even remotely coherent and uh i don't know i offered to pay for his tickets and all that i was just like dude you know, he wasn't even remotely coherent.

And I don't know.

I offered to pay for his tickets and all that.

I was just like, dude, you just got to go.

You got to fucking go.

And I gave him like one more word.

You just shut the fuck up.

And he's still.

I couldn't even respond to what he was saying because I couldn't understand him.

And it was getting it was getting ugly.

It was getting ugly.

So, you know, I apologize to the people there. And if the guy's listening, you know, just come back next time sober.
All right. That's all.
I didn't want to do it. All right.
I'm sure you woke up today all fucking mad at me. You know, when they threw him out, they found 14 beers, empty beer cans underneath his.
Underneath his seat. I don't know if they're trumping up the charges i don't know if because he was in the front row a bunch of rows of beers cans rolled down to him i have no i don't pretend to fucking know but anyways i was um i was performing at that theater and uh one of the coolest things anybody has ever done for me The people at the theater heard that I played drums,

so they rented a drum kit.

And during the day, I got to go into the theater.

The theater.

And just fucking, you know, put on my Walkman,

whatever the fuck you call it, the iPod thing, my phone,

my little handheld stereo, and just fucking,

just rock out, man.

I had a great time.

And whoever tuned up those drums, they sounded great.

The snare was fucking unbelievable.

It was like a marching.

I don't know how deep it was.

It was like six and a half by like, what's the next size up?

I'm sorry.

It was like 14 by six and a half.

What's the next size up? Is it eight inches deep, nine inches deep? But this isn't a porno here, people. I'm fucking asking.
It was incredible. Incredible fucking sound.
And it was this old Ludwig's, and they didn't even have like the usual, like lugs on them, whatever the fuck you call the things you unscrew when you're tuning up and tuning down the drum or whatever, orensioning the drum. However the fuck you're supposed to say it.
They just had screws that were all stripped. So it's got this great kit.
But to adjust it, I had to take out a pair of pliers that came with the drum kit. So it was a five-piece.
Broke it down to the four-piece setup. The Steven Adler fucking setup that I fell in love with.
When Appetite for Destruction came out. You know? When I was going down the slippery slope of i want as many drums as possible because i was listening to iron maiden and then steven adler came out like this fucking guy's getting more music out of these four drums and half these guys are with these fucking 15 piece kits so um i just said i had i had the greatest fucking time and uh was up there with uh Rose Bowl tailgate legend Joe Bartnick, who fucking murdered all week.
And Monday morning podcast producer, producer. Is that what I said? Extraordinary.
Andrew Themmelis was up there. And we made a tour.
We did a tour of Boise.

We fucked it.

We got everywhere.

We got fucking everywhere.

We went on the blue field.

We went up to the fucking table rock.

We were all over that fucking town.

We had a great time.

So that'll be coming out.

The San Jose one is almost done.

And then I also got another one for San Antonio that's coming up.

So I'm just gonna start

doing those fucking things i don't know why i like doing them they're fun you know plus it makes me

get out and do shit you know i've been to boise a number of times i never got up into those fucking hills you know so all right i think i've avoided it long enough let's talk about the nhl playoffs You know, you want your team to make the playoffs until they lose a playoff series. Then you just like, oh, that sucked.
Shouldn't they just not have made the playoffs? They could have just ripped the emotional bandaid right off. Congratulations.
I'm saying this through gritted teeth. Congratulations to the Ottawa Senators.
It was a well played series. i had nothing to restrict for you guys in your organization good luck in the next round against the new york fucking rangers um and uh and i gotta you know you know they always do the star of the game i mean at some point you got to give it to those uh all those ottawa locals you know that were refereeing those games particularly game three game five and even a little bit of game six you know i'm not saying if you know i'm not saying that's why we lost but jesus fucking christ all i wanted was a little consistency.
You know, it is a deal.

A ref can fuck you in one game.

But you know, when it's like three out of the six.

Jesus Christ.

How many times did we have to win game five before we had to score like two fucking goals?

They're fucking sitting in the crease, covering the puck up.

In the crease.

Not the goalie.

Okay, for those of you who don't watch hockey.

I've been watching hockey for 37 fucking years that's a penalty shot they have replay i don't know how they met uh well uh after further review uh when the defenseman put his uh hand over the puck we could no longer see the puck so it was inconclusive as to whether it was underneath his glove or not so we actually won game five despite the fucking refs trying everything they possibly could to give Ottawa a chance to fucking win it. Game three was a debacle.
You know? End of the third period. I can't even remember who the fuck it was.
Someone on Ottawa just stood up and punched one of the Bruins in the face, and we got offsetting roughings. We both got two minutes for roughing.
The Ottawa guy for punching the dude in the face and I guess the Bruin for not ducking. I don't know what we got.
Two minutes for not ducking. For allowing yourself to be punched in the face.
I have no. So it was like, alright, that's what he's going to do.
When I saw that, I was like, okay, this ref is like, it's going to be even strength. I'm not going to be a part of this horse shit.
Okay. I don't know why he punched him in the face.
Maybe some other shit happened right before that. And this is retaliation.
I don't have time for your fucking bullshit children. You're both sitting down and it's going to be even strength.
And no one's going to know my fucking name at the end of this, but that's not how it went down. Cause then in the fucking overtime, Ottawa comes in fucking smashes us in the face.
Nash punches the guy back in the face and we get two minutes they go on the power play and they fucking beat us i don't know i'm not even saying that we would have won the fucking thing but it's just like well what why do that to me now i got to think of that the whole fucking summer can't you just let ottawa beat us they were gonna beat us maybe they weren't i don't know i don't know. But Jesus Christ.
I even thought that last that last one.

Maybe I'm looking at this through fucking black and gold fucking colored glasses, which of course I am.

I'd love to hear what you think.

Even like that fucking.

You know, they went on the power play again on some ticky tack fucking horse shit.

It looked bad.

But when you looked at the fucking.

When I did anyways, let's be honest, when you looked at the fucking when i did anyways let's be honest when i looked at the instant replay it's like posternock was trying to get to the guy with the puck who's entering the offensive zone aka a fucking scoring threat the fucking ottawa guy turns around looks at posternock and initiates the contact pasta reached out grabs the guy and he just sits on his ass two minutes for fucking holding. Fucking 30 seconds later.
Hey, enjoy your golfing. But you know what? What do I give? I mean, I actually I have no fucking I don't give a shit about Ottawa at all.
I go there. I have a good time.
I do shows. They've never done anything to us.
For some some reason they decided to trade chara to us so thank you for that so god bless you on your fucking wing but now i get this is it but you know something as sad as that was um i was equally happy for the new york rangers not because i like i don't dislike the rangers either i actually like the rangers um it's one of the few new york teams that actually New York teams that actually kind of – I actually love the Knicks and I love the Rangers. Unless they're playing us, then I don't like them.
And it's not really even them. It always comes down to the fans.
So I was extremely excited that the Rangers knocked out the Montreal Canadiens. But, of course, I cannot give 100% credit to the New York Rangers.
I do have to thank the fans of Montreal who were in the Montreal Forum, the second forum on that fateful night when you guys absolutely humiliated Patrick Waugh to the point he gave you guys the finger, right? Remember that? Then he went over and he sat on the bench and he looked at your owner and i've read his lips he said listen you motherfucker i'm never playing for you cunts again all right trade me to whoever the fucking nordiques are now and that's what happened that's exactly what happened he called it and then he went on and he won two more cups i believe in 96 and in in 2001. Or was it 2000? I can't fucking remember.

And the greatest thing ever is the Montreal Canadiens never won another cup.

The end. That's it.
That's how the story ends.

As of right now. That's how it's going to end.

I love it. They're dead.
Can you believe this? I'm literally, I root for a franchise that has six cups, you know, but we won in 2011. So that gives me rights.
You know, whenever Montreal fans talk about their fucking all the cups they won, I just start singing glory days. That's all I do.
It's really obnoxious. It annoys the shit out of them.
They start wiping their tears away with their little hankies they have in their front sport coat pockets. I was actually talking to Bartnick and host of Puck Off.
And I was trying to tell him I was, you know, saying that I was going to root for Toronto. of course then they get the old right there Fred from fucking the Capitals um by the way hey Bill who do you think's gonna win the cup I think the Penguins repeat that's what I think that's what I think I think they're gonna have an amazing fucking series um against the uh the Capitals and then they'll probably face the fucking Rangers.

And who are they going to face in the West?

Well, who the fuck knows now?

Nobody saw that four-game sweep against the Blackhawks.

And I mean, no one saw that shit coming.

Fucking people in Nashville, you know, they actually,

they're such not hockey fans, they actually showed up for game game five they didn't know how many games you had to win that's such a cheap joke but i enjoyed it congratulations to edmonton who else moved on anaheim anaheim fucking kicked the fuck out of somebody st louis blues you know i guess i got to root for the blues again. I'll root for the blues.
They haven't fucking, they've never won a cup. And, but anyways, I was talking to Bartnick, Joey Bartnick.
And a lot of people don't know this because the Maple Leafs have not won since 1967. And I was surprised when I was going back one one day just going down some fucking hockey history rabbit hole and uh do you know in 1967 like if you ask somebody like who the greatest hockey franchise the most successful one of all fucking time it would still would have been the canadians? They'd still won the most cups.
But a lot of people don't know this. In 1967, the fucking Maple Leafs were only one cup behind the Montreal Canadiens.
They are now 10 cups behind them or something like that. 11 cups, I believe.
Yeah, 24 to 13. In 1967, the fucking Toronto Maple Leafs won their 13th Stanley Cup to be within one of the Montreal Canadiens.
So that's like Celtics-Lakers, except the Maple Leafs weren't lying about any of their titles. They didn't win one in some other fucking hockey league, you know, and then they called it a Stanley Cup championship, you know? Anyways, so they win it in 1967.

All right, the Canadians have 14.

Leafs have 13.

They're breathing down their fucking necks.

If they win two more, right, all of a sudden,

they're the greatest fucking franchise of all time.

That's how fucking close they were.

And once again, they won the cup in 67. The end.
That's the end of that book. It's fucking unbelievable.
And then the Canadians, they won it the next two years in a row. 68-69.
Then the Bruins won it in 70. Oh God, here we go.
This is from memory. There's so much of a fucking nerd I am.
71, the Canadians win. 72, the Bruins.
73, Canadians win. Then the Flyers went back to back in 74-75.
And then they fucking had a, the Canadians had a dynasty. 76, 77, 78, 79.
When Larry Robinson beat the shit out of Dave Schultz. You know? Both of them rocking the same fucking perm.
Both of them, I believe, had a mustache. I mean, it was 1976.
You watch it now, they look like a couple of roided up hipsters. But back then, that's what men looked like.
And he stood up to them, and that was it. That's one of my favorite fucking moments, by the way.
That's as a Bruin fan. I love that fight.
You know, just because, you know, I don't know. uh I just don't like bullies and I'm not saying Dave Schultz was a bully it's like you're playing

fucking hockey for fuck's sakes he was too mean to me you know but whatever they were called the

bullies it was just something about it like I just saw him pulling people's hair and shit and I was

just like ah you know who's kidding who I love Dave Schultz but after a while you win so many

fights you just start rooting for somebody else.

Anyways, then they won in 86.

Then they won in 93.

They won 10 more fucking Stanley Cups and they just disappeared over the horizon.

It was like when Lance Armstrong looked back at that guy, you know,

and he went on to win the Tour de France like seven fucking times.

I still can't believe they took those titles away from him. That's so fucking ridiculous.
That's one of the dumbest things ever. That whole fucking sport is on drugs.
They're all on drugs. So it was a level playing field.
Okay? That's it. I'll tell you right now.
If the same, okay, and they all went clean, he's going to win it again.

Right?

He's the best guy.

If they're all on drugs, it was even.

I don't know.

That whole thing fucking annoys me.

You know why?

Because everybody fucking shits on the guy, but everybody made all this money off of him.

You never saw anybody give any of their fucking money back, did you?

Oh, they were so fucking outraged. Like the fucking cunts who run the sport of cycling didn't realize what the fuck was going on you know what i mean if someone if someone you work with if you're in a restaurant and somebody's on fucking heroin at the staff you know the people in the restaurant don't know but you fucking know because you work there they let that guy win seven in a row blow up the fucking sport and then they took it him, and then they all kept their fucking money.
That's exactly what happened as far as I'm concerned. Why doesn't Trump go shoot some missiles at them? Anyways, I don't know what the fuck I'm talking about.
Let me fucking type in my goddamn passport. Passport? No, my password.
Oh, the screen is just so clear. I never fucking wipe down the screen fucking animal i am never do it i just i'd rather squint for some stupid reason all right let's do a couple questions here all right big eyes follow-up uh hi bill i listened to your podcast when you were going when you were googling big eyes and heard you mention the fiasco that occurred, which you dismissed, assuming that it wasn't the same artist.

Actually, there was a fraud involved.

The husband took credit for the wife's artistry,

which came out after the images were licensed.

Love your podcast. Love you.
Go fuck yourself.

And by the way, I am a 62 year old woman.

Oh, God bless you, sweetheart.

Yeah, I actually looked it up. Yeah, that guy was a fucking creep well we should put a link up to that it's a crazy story um my favorite part of that story was uh i forget there was some big fucking you know one of those things that like socialites show up to you know those people who are just you know they're just they're famous because people they go to these parties where famous people are there and evidently they they just have a great conversation you know they go in there and they talk about fucking hot air ballooning or just something just i don't know but they just people just find them fascinating because they can go from subject to subject you know while eating appetizers and not getting anything between their teeth they just i don know what it is about fucking rich people.
They are fascinated. They got so much fucking money, they just get bored, right? And God knows they're not talking to their wives anymore.
They went out and they got themselves a mattress, two different kinds. Fucking banker.
He probably wants a heated one one the reptilian cunt um so i think i don't know if it was the world's fair i don't know what it was but they fucking bought they had all they bought some big one of those big-eyed fucking kid paintings and somebody in the new york times and one of these fucking papers that all these fucking socialite cunts want that respect trashed those drawings saying they're creepy.

They're hacky.

It's awful.

It's terrible art.

What happened was they just became too mainstream and people got sick of them and they trashed them.

And then they immediately took it down after.

I think they commissioned her to fucking paint the goddamn thing.

I mean, what a fucking shame. One one article it's like you like that shit you like that shit and then you walked you commissioned that artist you told her how much you fucking liked her and you appreciated her work and one little fucking article what did you do all of a sudden you were like a fucking kid in high school who wasn't strong enough to say yeah i'm friends with that snot-nosed kid over there, right? And stared with him.
You know? You didn't. They just stepped away, and they watched that lady get stuffed into a fucking locker with all her goddamn paintings after what the fuck happened to her and her husband.
I'll tell you right now. That's reprehensible.
All right. Captain America, everybody.
Hey, Billy Bruce Banner. I don't imagine you're spending your free time reading comic books.
Yeah, I can't get into them. I really like the way they're drawn, though.
And I also like the superheroes always have like fucking they have like the hottest girlfriends, at least the ones that I read. Spider-Man's girlfriend was fucking ridiculous.
Jesus Christ, the fucking titties, ass and legs. I mean, she was fucking amazing.

Beautiful, beautiful goddamn woman. Um, that's why I don't like the movies.
You know what I mean? Cause now, now they, they gotta make sure they can't go too fucking pretty now or else all the fatties get fucking upset. Yeah, that's an impossible image.
I go to the fucking gym i fucking cry when brad pitt takes his shirt off maybe i do but i don't tweet about it all right i don't imagine you spending your free time reading comic books bill but i thought i'd share some news with you man uh it was revealed months back back. The Captain America was actually a Hydra spy all these years.
Hydra is basically the Nazis. What? All right.
It was assumed that they would write it in that he was actually he wasn't actually a spy this whole time, but was pretending be well this month they decided to make it so that captain america is and has always been a bad guy the story elements they are adding are trash so it's not even a cool twist oh i love oh is there anything better is there anything better than the than the fucking the pissed off comic book reader with the direction they're taking the story?

You like that fucking Dolores Claiborne,

whatever the fucking name is, Misery,

whatever the hell her name was.

This isn't how it should end.

What else are they supposed to do?

He's been a good guy for a hundred fucking years and I'm going to tell you right now, you fucking comic book. I'm not, am I even going to read the rest of this? You guys have, you know, out of respect, I'll read the last few sentences here.
He goes, I'm not a staunch Republican. The fuck did my screen go? I'm not a staunch Republican or a wild Southerner.
I'm just a guy who is tired of this self-hating trend what's with people hating traditions so much that they can't stand a hero just being a hero oh i see you went in a different direction this is good why i read it okay i think you'd like some of the newer comic titles pictures and words and some good stories makes for an easy stimulating read just don't read captain america love you love nia congrats on the little lady thank you um sir what you're dealing with here is money that's why they're doing it they have exhausted every fucking possible story storyline you know what i mean like you remember the brady bunch when they had to bring in oliver right remember like remember happy days like after a while like ron howard he did he just left it's just like there's nothing left to do with this character i'm out of here and all of a sudden fonzie started wearing suits and he was teaching a mechanic class he became a teacher this fucking hooligan riding a motorcycle next thing you know he's pulling up in a station wagon teaching this fucking guy with blonde hair how to fucking tune a carburetor he's actually helping them with their problems all of a sudden it became like welcome back carter it's because they were out of ideas that it had run its course and i i hate to tell you this but captain america has run its fucking course all right they're gonna get themselves out of this all right they'll do the classic thing that you know it wasn't actually the real captain america it was fucking somebody else but the thing is dude um you who you should really blame is is al gore he's the reason that this is all going down because as we all know al gore invented the internet he said it himself he said it himself and he said it again all right the man invented the internet and the internet you know gave birth to fucking Napster which gave birth to all of these things where people could watch movies and shit for free right Napster obviously was music but the other shit people go on Pirate Bay. They just watch all these movies for free.
So what happened was that killed. The the fucking 30 million to 70 million dollar movies like they just went away.
So then everything became either super fucking cheap or a hundred million dollar superhero fucking movie where it's like, all right, we're going to just spend all this money and people are going to go because they're going to want to see special effects in, you know, at the movie screen. That's what happened.
So they made 9000 of these fucking movies. And there's nowhere else to go with them.
I think they made a couple of Captain America movies, didn't they? I don't fucking know. But now what they're going to do is they're going to set this up that now this guy is actually a fucking nazi you know and uh who was doing all this great stuff in america i don't understand he was like saving children while spying on us i don't know they're somehow gonna try to explain all of that shit i have no idea but eventually he's gonna fight batman all right we all know that bat Batman has one professional fight under his belt and he's 0 for 1.

Right.

He lost to Superman.

So before he gets another shot at the title, I think he has to fight somebody else.

Who's he going to fight?

You know, it can't be Lex Luthor and fucking the octopus guy.

I mean, those guys that played out.

All right.

They're all punch drunk.

Spider-Man's been fucking them up for years. They need somebody new, so this is the only way to go.
All right? I would be surprised if Vince McMahon does not sue them for this storyline because he did this with Hulk Hogan like 50 times. You know? You knew Hulk Hogan was...
You knew when he was the bad guy I loved because he would dye the side of his beard.

He would dye that fucking black.

And then he would have the fucking blonde mustache.

Which, by the way, I thought looked really cool.

He had a great fucking Fu Manchu.

He still does.

Do you ever see a guy go bald more gracefully than that?

He just kept pushing it back like Richard Rawlings.

And every time he did it, it was a little further back. know then he started wearing the fucking the scarves they'd always come off i don't know tanned his head up he looked great when you say that hulk hogan went bald very gracefully wouldn't you say you don't think so What's wrong with you today?

I feel like you don't like me.

I mean, part of being married, some days you're not going to like me.

I feel like that's one of these days.

I don't understand how you're so loud with slippers on.

Oh, she just said that's why I don't like you.

All right.

Princess Kate finds parenting hard well i imagine when they try to play hide and go seek in that castle it's going to take forever hey bill get a load of this crap kate middleton a fucking princess did a speech in which she said she finds it hard being a mom now i'm sure she has a, but for Christ's sake, she has servants. I know.
She doesn't even have nannies. She has servants.
She may have one of the easiest jobs in the entire world. She wasn't born to royalty.
She married into it. So all she needs to do is not be a cunt for the next 50 to 75 years, stay married, and she's all set.
Attached is a link to her full speech. You can to it uh if you care to listen to it i'm not listening to that shit she's trying to promote mental health awareness which is nice but did she really need to try to tell us that she finds parenting difficult huge fan from newfoundland canada thanks and don't forget to go fuck yourself um yeah i mean you know this is the thing when a kid comes into your life there's an adjustment period so she was sitting there getting fanned by feathers and all of that shit right having somebody bring her a little dagwood sandwich is she sitting on you know the louis the 15th fucking I don't know, Ottoman.
Is that a word?

Is that a piece of furniture?

It is, isn't it? Or is that an empire?

Yeah, and then all of a sudden the kid's there and she has to

pretend to give a fuck about it, you know.

I think it just makes

her photo shoots more difficult.

What did she name her kids? They probably gave him some old

white guy's name like Winston Ebene, the fucking 19th or some shit. I have to be honest with you.
Like that has to be the most boring fucking life you could ever fucking live. Being a fucking princess.
At least when you're a prince, you know, you get the fucking guy goes around, he flies helicopters. He was in the you know what i mean goes out he does shit right hangs out with the boys he's smoking cigars what do you do as a princess once you're fucking married you know you rode down on the white horse you had your fucking your wedding right everybody shows up you know all the women in the crowd giving you the evil eye because they wanted to be a princess all the haters you know there's there's nothing good about that ride in you know because it's either going to be haters or people just sobbing because that dream's never going to happen for them so that's all you see is people staring staring fucking daggers at you next to fatties and fucking weirdos like she's so beautiful um i would think it would be hard to be a princess of the mind numbingly boring fucking life that you're gonna live you know to the to the fuck this is when you know you're bored is when you you promote a cause you know you're so fucking bored you have to go out and help somebody you're're so fucking all set.
There's nothing to do. You know? There's nothing.
You got everything you fucking want. It's, yeah, the end.
Game over. Now what do you do? Now you got to fucking, you got to go down to some third world country and start installing plumbing or some shit i mean you got it you have to do something either that or you just fucking you just become like one of those dudley moore characters you just get shit-faced every day that's what i would do take up like archery and shit i'd just be in the backyard just fucking shooting stuff walking around some fucking ridiculous cognac.
I would be such a piece of shit, you know? I really would be. Can you get written out of the will? Can you get un-fucking-princed, ex-princed or something like that, excommunicated from that? That's exactly how I would do.
Oh my God. I would have all the fucking sports packages.
I'd go to all the fucking games.

All right.

I wouldn't give a shit either.

I would be I would be fucking ridiculously blowing the money.

And like that would be my goal in life.

Like how overt can I be with the English tax people's money?

What am I trying to say?

The English taxpayers money.

There we go.

You ever seen somebody like dyslexic when they're just talking?

You think I'm trying to read this shit. I always flip words around.

And by all means, all of you who aren't doctors, please diagnose me and tell me what sort of fish oil I now need to take to cure it.

That's what I would do. I would just like my goal would be by the time I'm 42.

I want them to I could easily do that. I could easily do that.

I could get ex-fucking, you know,

you're no longer a duke.

You know?

You know what would be

great? You know what would be great? The people would actually love

you. I wouldn't say we're done hating you.
The second

you walked into a pub, you have

no more security anymore and you just come walking

in.

You know, yeah, you really fucked that one up,

didn't you, you cut?

You'd be like, yeah, I did.

I had a great time, though.

The fuck was I supposed to do?

I was living in a castle.

You'd fucking, you know,

that would be it.

The next, you know,

you're sitting in the bleachers,

right, in the fucking pit

at the footy games.

Just being a regular guy,

getting fucking hammered,

eating fish and chips.

And just laughing. Just laughing at how bad you fucked up your life and all those fucking sad sacks they'd love you um anyways fat yoga instructor hey billy red sack uh i don't know why that struck me so funny i mean i see it every day you think that that would be an old joke i work out here in la as a personal trainer and teach some yoga classes here and there um i've been teaching yoga at this studio for over four years and i got this fat ass cunt for a manager bill she's got to be 80 pounds overweight and despite being around all this healthy lifestyle she has done nothing to improve herself i'm talking donuts and cookies in this i fucking love this person oh my god i love both of these people i love that you're calling her out for being fat or him out and i love that this person's sitting there fucking eating donuts in a yoga a yoga shop what do you call it studio a studio a dojo crib uh i'm talking donuts and cookies in the studio lobby around people that are there to avoid these temptations that's fucking hilarious anyways i've kept my mouth shut for years but recently we had our annual class review where the manager comes and sees how how you class how your class is put together and how you are with the students etc uh this whale couldn't even get through the first 15 minutes she was beached on her mat belly she was beached on her mat belly up gulping fucking water oh she went into yeah went into whale pose.
Then afterwards she had the nerve to criticize my class that it wasn't challenging enough. Oh my God.
And you didn't say anything. Okay.
This is their reason. The grudge is being held.
Okay. The, the, I should say the reason, The reason the gr is being held is that my my annual raise was a mere 30 cents and i wonder if that criticism affected it give me that billy burr philosophy on the situation love the podcast congratulations on the baby it was great hearing her on the podcast the other day.
Go fuck yourself fire nips.

Jesus Christ. Really coming at me with the fucking redhead shit today, aren't you? I think the whole thing is fucking hilarious.
I got to ask you something. All right.
You've been doing this shit there for over four years. Why don't you eventually start your own thing at this point?

Get out from that.

You know what I would do if I was you?

Get in her good graces, man.

Just start bringing her donuts.

I'd bring her fudge.

I don't know if the cops could prove it, but just kill kill her, kill her with what she loves, kill her with kindness. Okay.
There you go. Kill her with kindness.
Just keep what you got to do. Okay.
And this is the thing about those fatties is that they can handle donuts. All right.
But I'm telling you right now, nobody can handle fudge. Fudge is like, it's like, it's almost a hundred percent sugar.
It's like a solid form of cotton candy with like chocolate in it. I mean, it is fucking, you can't even eat it.
Like your whole face puckers up. This is what you do.
You come in and you make a tray of fudge. All right? You cut a piece out.
This is what you do, okay? You cut a fucking piece out. All right? And just, you know, give it to the birds or some shit.
Right. I think sugar is good for them.
I can't remember. It's either good or it kills them.
Either way, just give it to the fucking birds. Right.
Then you bring the fudge in there. So now it looks like somebody already took a piece.
So she's not going to feel guilty. And I guarantee you, I guarantee you, you do that.
And the sugar is going to fuck with the joints. All right.
Then you come in with some bacon, some sandwiches. You just keep going sugar, salt, sugar, salt, sugar, salt.
Okay. And just, you know, that 30 cents they should have given you, you take 30, another 30 cents out of your fucking check every goddamn hour.
All right. And you, you put it towards giving this person food that'll slowly kill him.
There you go.

Or you get a new job.

I don't know.

I just think killing her would be funnier.

All right, disowning your daughter.

Hey, Billy Bath Gates, would you ever disown your daughter if she brought home a dot, dot, dot, dot, dot, dot dot hack comic oh jesus think of the hackiest type of comic you can think of and in the future she brought him home talking about how she loves him and how he's the funniest comic ever uh oh god he's got a youtube channel tells jokes with the lampshade on his head etc she asks you what you think of him uh you tell her he's a hack she gets mad at you tells you you don't understand him and how he's funnier than you uh would you disown her and tell her she can't bring the hack into his house no no joke thief yeah joke thief he can't into the house. He can't come into my house as a fucking joke thief.
This is what I would do. You know what? Even if he stole fucking jokes, I know he's going to get caught and people are going to call him out on it.
I wouldn't say anything. All right? Because I'll tell you this.
I've seen how that goes down when you say you don't like somebody that your kid likes. You know what I mean? And then there's all those in-law problems.
All right? This is your job as a parent is you got to trust your kid's decision-making. All right? They love the guy.
You just got to go with it. You know what I mean? And then if they get divorced, you can't be like, Hey, you know, I was, you know, because why didn't you fucking

say something? Because you'd hate me. Jesus, why would you bring that up? I'm just, I'm three

months into this. I want to enjoy my, my daughter growing up.
Jesus Christ, you already got me

picturing being at the fucking wedding. You know, the guy would have some fucking crazy colored

fucking bow tie, the cummerbund.

All right.

I don't know.

Jesus Christ, what a way to end.

By the way, how about the Celtics?

I'm coming back winning two games.

How lucky do we get with Rondo going down?

Jesus Christ.

By the way, he pulled off a short sleeve suit.

I don't know how he did it.

He actually fucking looked cool.

I think you had to have a cast on to make it work, though. did he fucked up his thumb or some shit all right patrice dear billy big tits

hey i'm losing weight you cunts found this on youtube almost shit myself laughing thought

you'd appreciate this some classic patrice hope you enjoy and go fuck yourself i will

definitely retweet this um thank you for sending that in um you know it's always great that people are still watching his shit and uh i'm always talking about him that type of stuff it keeps his comedy alive i know that's all cliched stuff but like i was talking to i was actually talking to bartnick and andrew last night about him in the green room. And I was just talking, just saying how, um, just what a fucking, just still like crater comedy, fucking crater.

What a fucking loss that was, man.

It's just, uh, that guy was so much, he was so much better than all of us.

It was fucking ridiculous.

And, um, I'm telling you, even in, even as great as elephant in the room is i'm telling you he's he effortlessly could his next special would have been at least fucking 30 funnier than that one that's the trajectory that that guy was on and um ah fucking kills me man fucking. So anyways, that's the podcast for this week.

I'll check in on you on Thursday.

Please check out Return of the Mac.

The first couple episodes, it's streaming on something.

I don't fucking know anymore.

Very funny.

And my apologies to Joe McIntyre for standing you up last week.

I really fucked that up.

And you know what's the worst part?

He was totally cool about it.

He goes, no worries, brother.

Don't worry about it and all that. That was the worst.

I was like, can you at least be mad at me?

Something? Alright, go fuck yourselves.

I'll check in on you on Thursday. Thank you.
What's up, winners? My name is Jeremy Elder. This is Hunter Sailing.
And I'm Corey Peter Lane. You are listening to the Business Casual Podcast.
It's the Business Casual Show. That's how we decided the name.
It's a new idea that I have. Every week, each one of us will bring a brand new segment to the podcast, whether that be a game, whether that be trivia, a character, a deep dive, or whatever else we want to bring to the table.

And it's fun. We promise it's fun.

Um, did somebody say liberal Joe Rogan?

I didn't.

You can listen to the Business Casual Show on Spotify, Apple Podcasts, and wherever you get your podcasts.

Also, we're on YouTube. Ever heard of it?

Tariffs have been increased for white men with podcasting equipment, and we are willing to pay.

We are releasing this show every Monday, produced by ATC, all things comedy. Trust your water's good to go.
Leslie's uses advanced technology to analyze 10 elements of your pool's water chemistry in just 60 seconds.

Your personalized treatment plan tells you exactly what your pool needs.

It's not rocket science.

It's pool science.

And we kind of love that.

Come in for your free treatment plan.

Find your store at lesliespool.com.

Leslie's.