Freddie Spencer | Thursday Afternoon Monday Morning Podcast 12-11-25

Speaker 1 Hey guys, it's Kamal Nanjiani.

Speaker 2 My new stand-up special, Night Thoughts, is now streaming on Hulu.

Speaker 3 I promise you're gonna laugh.

Speaker 4 I am an immigrant.

Speaker 4 Are there any other immigrants here?

Speaker 1 Okay, what you can do is point at someone else.

Speaker 7 Night Thoughts is now streaming on Hulu and Hulu on Disney Plus for bundled subscribers. Terms apply.
That wasn't my call. If it wasn't my call, terms would not apply, but it's not my call.

Speaker 7 Terms apply.

Speaker 8 Okay, Robin Hood.

Speaker 8 You know, nobody knows your money goals better than you. Robinhood puts you in control of your money with tools that work as hard as you do.

Speaker 9 Looking in on everything.

Speaker 10 What?

Speaker 8 Locking in on every opening. Jesus, Bill.
Beating your PR, beating it again, channel that drive into your money. Robinhood puts you in control of your money.

Speaker 8 Trade stocks and ETFs, option futures, and crypto all in one platform. You can now build and execute your own trades from a desktop with Robinhood's legendary,

Speaker 8 well, Legends advanced tools. Dude, I wouldn't know how to do any of this shit.
Or take advantage of the new Robinhood strategies with a tailored portfolio managed by a team of experts.

Speaker 8 You expect more from yourself. Expect more from your money.
Get started today at robinhood.com/slash your money.

Speaker 8 That's why

Speaker 9 our money.

Speaker 8 Again, that's Robinhood.com/slash your money. Your money, your move.
Disclosure: all investments involve risk, including loss of principal.

Speaker 8 Options, futures, and crypto trading carry significant risks and may not suit all investors. Securities offered throughout Robinhood Financial LLC members SIPC.

Speaker 8 Future trading is offered by Robinhood Derivatives LLC and not SPIC or FDIC Protected. Crypto offered through Robinhood Crypto, LLC, parentheses, NMLS ID 1702840, parenthesis.

Speaker 8 Not FDIC or SIPC Protected Portfolio Management offered by Robinhood Strategies on SEC Registered Advisor and SEC Registered Advisor.

Speaker 8 Hey, what's going on, everybody? It's Bill Burr, and it's time for the Thursday afternoon, just before Friday, Monday morning podcast. I'm just checking in on you.
Obviously, it's video.

Speaker 8 Whenever we have video, that means I have a guest, and I never have a guest guest on unless it's somebody that I love, I admire, a special guest.

Speaker 8 And I can't believe that we got this guy on the podcast. Today, we have one of the greatest motorcycle champion racers ever,

Speaker 8 Fast Freddie Spencer, coming here on the Thursday afternoon, just before Friday, Monday morning podcast.

Speaker 8 Three-time world champion. I mean, I go through the whole list here.
It's like an IMDb page of like Morgan Freeman, all the stuff that you won.

Speaker 8 Youngest moto gp champion up until a few years ago and then the most impressive thing that they say will never be broken in 1985 he won the 250cc and 500 cc the same year literally bo jackson level stuff and uh freddie welcome to the podcast i thank you bill yeah i can't believe that you know i'm so new to the sport i've only watched since like I came in right when Valentino Rossi was was, you know,

Speaker 8 towards the end of his career.

Speaker 12 Toward the end of his career.

Speaker 8 Yeah, and Mark Marquez was doing his thing and his big battles. A lot of the time were with Andres DeVizioso, those great Honda Ducatis.

Speaker 8 They passed each other like, you know, seven times on the final lap. And I found the sport because I grew frustrated with F1 where Mercedes and Lewis Hamilton were just so dominant.

Speaker 8 And the cars were so wide, like there was no passing.

Speaker 12 And I just found that, you know, if Lewis made it to the, it was a race to the first turn and then it was just like you know 50 parade laps not parade but you know what I mean yeah I do I do we we call it kind of a procession the one thing that we have on motorcycles and I know this I know that you can appreciate this because I know you ride I know you go out to the airport and you ride out at the airport right I actually now ride in the canyons I finally got

Speaker 12 this up a little bit I was going to talk to you about that in a minute oh good I need all the help I can get Well,

Speaker 12 hey, listen, that's something I love doing. I love doing is teaching.

Speaker 12 But one of the things that our sport has that the other sports, the motorsports level,

Speaker 12 and it's one of the reasons why we're very popular with the Formula One guys. They love watching the sport.
They love coming and watching us

Speaker 12 is our ability to pass.

Speaker 12 and

Speaker 12 that the rider can make such a big difference and makes a bigger difference in the performance of what happens that day because you can move on the bike and you can change trajectory and you can change lines much easier.

Speaker 12 You can race next to each other, you know, in the smaller classes like Moto 3.

Speaker 12 You gave the example of me winning the 250 and the 500 championship in the same year. Excuse me.

Speaker 12 That would be like winning the Moto 2 and Moto GP in today's

Speaker 9 championship.

Speaker 12 yeah insane

Speaker 8 and but the rider can make such a a big difference and um you know that's that's what i think separates us from some of the other certainly the other elite motorsports and and basically that's what moto gp is moto gp is to motorcycles what formula one is to car racing yeah and i gotta tell you the second i found the sport because i'd always been you know i wanted to ride a motorcycle my whole life but you know my parents had a dentist and my mom's a nurse so it was just like ah no no no no no right and because i remember that there was a motorcycle came out the uh the honda rebel and it was like 1200 bucks i still remember the song on the commercial and uh i was i wanted to get it and they were just like nope nope so about I don't know, a little over 10 years ago, I just took, I just wanted to get my motorcycle license and I took the

Speaker 8 motorcycle safety course out here. And then I got a a little triumph Bonneville or whatever, but I was just sort of riding scared.
So I got rid of it. And

Speaker 8 I was just like, all right, I'm not doing the motorcycle thing. And what got me back into it was I went to the Moto GP race at Coda a couple of years ago

Speaker 8 with my buddy Dean Del Rey. And he knew some people at Ducati.
And they have,

Speaker 8 they call something like the Heroes Lap or something. It's a bunch of dads on a Saturday after that little sprint race.
You get to go around the track once. So I'm like all nervous out there.

Speaker 8 And my idea was I was going to hang at the back. Right.
And the guy in the front goes, no, dude. He goes, ride in the front.
Don't go in the back.

Speaker 8 The guys that hang in the back want to like wait till everybody goes and then race around the track.

Speaker 9 So

Speaker 8 I was able to

Speaker 8 negotiate that. And then it just like,

Speaker 8 it just, it's in my blood, man. I've just, it's weird because I haven't ridden a lot, but I've wanted to.

Speaker 12 And I love machines and stuff. One of the things that I've heard you say that the reason you like riding your motorcycle is when you get on it, you can't think of anything else.
Yeah.

Speaker 9 Right.

Speaker 12 And that is so true.

Speaker 12 And one of the great things that I've, I've said this many times and kind of getting in this part of it a little bit is the best meditation I ride as a kid was is I rode five hours a day in my yard and that's where I learned to ride a motorcycle and through the trees in my yard.

Speaker 12 And I would have to focus so intensely and I write and I talk about this in my book, Feel, that came out in the UK a couple of years ago. And in fact, we're going to be putting it out here in the U.S.

Speaker 12 market next year, along with the second book that I'm doing. But one of the things I talk about in the book

Speaker 12 is when the leaves in the fall would fall from the trees,

Speaker 12 that I would focus so intently that I could tell by the color of the leaves whether it was wet under it or not.

Speaker 12 And that would determine how much lean angle I would use going over the line in the trajectory.

Speaker 9 Isn't that something?

Speaker 8 So

Speaker 8 it's almost like Wayne Gretzky had

Speaker 8 his own hockey rink out in his backyard. And he ended up.
Exactly. Yeah.

Speaker 12 Exactly.

Speaker 12 I learned, and I learned to just ride through where I could judge the slippage of the tires over the leaves, depending on the color of the leaves, if it was wet or not, or slippery in the lean angle trajectory.

Speaker 12 And that's what I used to learn. And it taught me, my senses became so aware, you know, of what I feel through the bars and sitting on the bike and what you see.

Speaker 12 And those are all things, those are all things that, like I said, if we went out and rode together, that I could help you to

Speaker 12 understand how to ride so much more relaxed. There's no greater feeling, Bill, when you ride, and I know you have felt this a little bit.

Speaker 12 I can already believe this, is that there's no better feeling than that feeling of comfort and contentment that you get, yeah, right?

Speaker 8 You know, I can, I can, like, really get into the turn.

Speaker 8 I mean, obviously, not at your guys' level, but like, yeah, now that I can, if it's a tight turn, I used to, because it's a big bike, so I would like, I would be so like, you know, that whole thing, like, you look at the thing you don't want to hit and then you hit it, like, I don't want to go over there, and then that's where you go.

Speaker 8 Like, I really learned how to look my way through the turn through like riding through canyons and stuff, right? And say something that I, I, that I've learned with my experience with machines.

Speaker 8 And, you know, I have a pilot's license and I'm rated with certain helicopters. And what I learned really early on is just because I'm rated

Speaker 8 in what I fly, if you fly the exact same model that I fly, it's going to behave a little different. And each one has like, you know,

Speaker 8 yeah, you have to surrender yourself to the machine and ask it questions to see where it wants to be. And I think that there's

Speaker 8 a humbleness and a devoid of ego. If you really want to excel at becoming one with a machine or anything, you have to like sort of surrender yourself to it.

Speaker 8 And like, I'm not going to like, you know, force this thing to do what I think I know it wants to do.

Speaker 12 Right. It's the whole key is

Speaker 12 being able to let the bike do its job and you help guide it.

Speaker 12 And

Speaker 12 those are the things, like I said, I learned in my yard as a kid is the ability to be able to judge what happens here and

Speaker 12 how it affects what happens out here, which is, you know, which is life lessons.

Speaker 8 Do you feel that

Speaker 8 riding over wet leaves or just being on a wet track?

Speaker 8 I would think the leaves, because at least the asphalt is like stuck to the ground where a leaf can move, your ability to not only judge those leaves, but to under to get one with the bike to go over different kinds of leaves.

Speaker 8 I imagine if you were on a wet track, it was like, oh, this is like t-ball compared to the brain.

Speaker 12 Yeah, it's easy. It was easy.
I won so many Grand Prix in the wet when I got to the Grand Prix level. I raced in the World Championships for 12 years.
I mean,

Speaker 12 I could slide a bike around and anticipate it within inches of the edge of the track, you know, at 110, 120 miles an hour from 50 feet.

Speaker 8 Easy. You must have been the only guy praying for rain.

Speaker 12 I didn't like, well, I didn't like racing in the wet so much, but

Speaker 12 I was good at doing it. It was one of those things I much prefer a drive track.

Speaker 8 But well, I have to tell you, watching your highlights, getting ready for this interview, and I noticed it's like F1, anything like prior to the year 2000, any sort of racing.

Speaker 9 stock car, anything, you just watch the sound of it.

Speaker 8 It's just different. And I like my stomach was in knots.
It's like, somebody's going to die.

Speaker 8 Like, this is like, and just watching you guys, like, you just had like these, these riding leathers and bales of hay. Yes.
You know, like you're out in front of Arnold's on happy days.

Speaker 8 You know, you're going to do some little jump. It's like these guys are going like almost 200 miles an hour, whatever the bikes did back then.
And there was such a sound to the engines. Like,

Speaker 8 it really sounded death-defying. Where now

Speaker 8 it sounds, I still love it, but like today's motorcycle and F1,

Speaker 8 as loud as it is and everything, it's still more music. It feels more in harmony where it just really sounded like you guys were at the limit back in the day.

Speaker 12 Right. There was a rawness to it.
And certainly, whether it's cars or motorcycles in that era. Also, you have to understand, Bill, that we were running different engine types.

Speaker 12 Our bikes were two-strokes,

Speaker 12 which had

Speaker 12 more of a high-pitch sound to them.

Speaker 8 What's firing every time the piston goes up, right?

Speaker 12 Exactly, exactly. And so they're a lot more abrupt.
I mean, and it was visually more abrupt. We're now, especially with the modern bikes and the electronics that they have, you know, on the bikes,

Speaker 12 they're more.

Speaker 12 what we call linear in their performance. And so, you know, they're smoother and they don't seem like they're certainly not moving around the same i mean

Speaker 12 the best way to think about it for your audience would be is is

Speaker 12 with electronics it it's like having an ai on the bike to where it it actually can work with the rider and help smooth out the rider's inefficiencies where in my day everything was done with your throttle hand And so, and your hand control and you basically, and your telemetry was your brain.

Speaker 8 It's like you were doing it.

Speaker 12 You were doing it yourself. You anticipated everything was anticipation and anticipating that.

Speaker 12 And that's why I say that what I learned in my yard as a kid, it benefited me to where when I got on bikes that were that powerful and that fast.

Speaker 12 And in 1985, our top speeds were 200 miles an hour, you know, so

Speaker 12 yeah,

Speaker 12 they were definitely

Speaker 12 fast.

Speaker 8 You know, one of my favorite things to do when I fly with my instructor, helicopter, he, he shuts the governor off. So now you got to keep the RPMs in the green.

Speaker 8 And at first, it's really a lot of work. And after a while, you're not necessarily looking at the gauge as much as you start listening to the engine.

Speaker 8 And I feel like that's one of my favorite,

Speaker 8 you know, sort of emergency per se. What if you lose your governor? It's one of my favorite things to do because it...

Speaker 8 you know, there's that thing where the governor is on and it's like I'm shutting off that part of my brain and there's a disconnect to what I'm doing. And, you know, I'm up there.

Speaker 8 I need to be listening to the engine. Obviously, if I hear something weird, I,

Speaker 8 you know, definitely start looking to put it in a spot if I have to. But like, there's something about those.
And my instructor, when he first started out, the helicopter that he flew had no governor.

Speaker 8 So the whole time.

Speaker 8 And I feel like he's the best pilot I ever flew with, like, as far as a helicopter. And I think because

Speaker 8 of that background of no governor and having to be that aware of the engine and

Speaker 8 understanding what it you can actually keep it

Speaker 8 from yawing by increasing or decreasing. And

Speaker 8 I just feel like that goes back to you and you in the backyard riding on the wet leaves is governor off compared to like, oh my god, now I'm on asphalt and this is wet. I know exactly

Speaker 8 what my one thing though, like

Speaker 8 that that that year in 1985,

Speaker 8 I'm assuming to go from a 250 to a 500 is, it's literally twice as much power.

Speaker 8 So it's almost like for like drumming, it would be like you're playing a little jazz bebop kit.

Speaker 8 And then all of a sudden it's like, all right, now go out here with like, you know, like Slayer and get behind this double bass kit. And it's a completely different style of music.
Like, how were you,

Speaker 8 was there any sort of mental thing that you went in that it's like, okay, like, all right, it's like speaking two different languages.

Speaker 8 like now i gotta switch my brain over to this and did it take you a couple of laps to be like yes

Speaker 12 yes i would the thing is you're exactly right two different motorcycles two different speeds two different lines you know through the corners and and and the same thing as far as as as the power and the rear tire and the spinning of the bike and and so the speed difference then and the closure rate is is what i would have to adjust to between the two different bikes.

Speaker 12 And I would give myself one lap, basically, one lap to make the adjustment, which was the siding lap, and then you had the warm-up lap. And so, you know, that really

Speaker 12 was what my job was. I had such a great crew.
I was sponsored by Honda.

Speaker 12 I rode for Mr. Honda, won his first 500 championship in 1925.

Speaker 8 You put them on the map, right?

Speaker 12 Before you came up with the history of the map. Yeah, HRC, before it was Repsol Honda, before Mark Marquez and Valentino and Danny Petrosa and the whole group that rode for HRC,

Speaker 12 I kind of started all that with Honda. And Mr.
Honda was at the very end of his involvement in the racing program and was an incredible man to me.

Speaker 8 What did they like? What was Honda saying to you when they had this 20-year-old kid?

Speaker 8 It was both you guys were like kids in the sport, you know, and you came up and you get on them and like, I'm like, you know, thinking about,

Speaker 8 you know, the the street bikes that honda had they were a lot of like fun but then they started making like they started making like the first super bikes late 60s early 70s right yeah so then they kind of like i have like a um sort of a bucket list thing i want to do is there's some crazy motor old like vintage honda motorcycle and suzuki and kawasaki thing in tokyo in december every year And it's a bucket list.

Speaker 8 You know, my lovely wife wants to go to Tokyo anyway, but I just want to go down there and just just look at those bikes because those were the first bikes I wanted when I was Harley scared me because, you know, back in the day, Harley, that was a whole outlaw.

Speaker 8 Like, those guys look like, that was a little boy, so they look like mean people. I didn't want to be near them.
But like, when I saw like the Hondas and all of those, I fell in love.

Speaker 8 Those were the bikes I fell in love with.

Speaker 8 And

Speaker 8 so, anyways, getting back to that, so like around 79, 80, you started riding with them. Like when you started winning races,

Speaker 8 did Mr. Honda ever take you aside and just be like, you know, or just in any way express like, I can't believe we came together.
Like,

Speaker 12 I absolutely have this prodigy.

Speaker 12 Well, one of the things that he saw me with another gentleman, Mr. Irma Jiri, who he created the Civic and all the cars, the Accord and the cars

Speaker 12 that you see. He was also, he started out as an engineer in the racing team.

Speaker 12 And then he created the company called Honda Racing Corporation, which actually built the FONA One engines that you see in the Red Bull cars today.

Speaker 12 So HRC is not only a motorcycle division in Honda, but it also is involved in the car racing.

Speaker 12 But

Speaker 12 when they started and they started this company, that's when the influence of racing really

Speaker 12 started having the knockdown effect on the motorcycles that you see and the bikes that you ride, you know, that you rode in the 80s or the 90s.

Speaker 8 No, I never rode back then. I just, I wanted to.

Speaker 12 You wanted to, but anybody who rode during that period,

Speaker 12 there was a lot of, you know, influence of

Speaker 12 the racing that came down into the sport bikes. And,

Speaker 12 you know, that's why racing is such an integral part of

Speaker 8 what

Speaker 12 is involved with motorcycling. And it's had such a pop big influence in my existence.
It's one of the reasons why I've stayed involved so long.

Speaker 1 Hey guys, it's Kamal Nanjiani.

Speaker 2 My new stand-up special, Night Thoughts, is now streaming on Hulu.

Speaker 3 I promise you're going to laugh.

Speaker 4 I am an immigrant.

Speaker 4 Are there any other immigrants here?

Speaker 1 Okay, what you can't do is point at someone else.

Speaker 7 My thoughts is now streaming on Hulu and Hulu on Disney Plus for bundle subscribers. Terms apply.
That wasn't my call. If it wasn't my call, terms would not apply, but it's not my call.
Terms apply.

Speaker 8 Okay, Robin Hood.

Speaker 8 You know, nobody knows your money goals better than you. Robin Hood puts you in control of your money with tools that work as hard as you do.

Speaker 9 Looking in on open...

Speaker 9 Looking in on everything.

Speaker 10 What?

Speaker 8 Locking in on every opening. Jesus, Bill.
Beating your PR, beating it again. Channel that drive into your money.
Robinhood puts you in control of your money.

Speaker 8 Trade stocks and ETFs, option futures, and crypto all in one platform. You can now build and execute your own trades from a desktop with Robinhood's legendary,

Speaker 8 the Legends advanced tools. Dude, I wouldn't know how to do any of this shit.
Or take advantage of the new Robinhood strategies with a tailored portfolio managed by a team of experts.

Speaker 8 You expect more from yourself. Expect more from your money.
Get started today at Robinhood.com/slash your money.

Speaker 8 That's Y-O-U-R

Speaker 9 money.

Speaker 8 Again, that's Robinhood.com/slash your money. Your money, your move.
Disclosure, all investments involve risk, including loss of principal.

Speaker 8 Options, futures, and crypto trading carry significant risks and may not suit all investors. Securities offered throughout Robinhood Financial LLC members SIPC.

Speaker 8 Future trading is offered by Robinhood Derivatives LLC and not SPIC or FDIC Protected. Crypto offered through Robinhood Crypto, LLC, parentheses, NMLS ID 1702840, parenthesis.

Speaker 8 Not FDIC or SIPC protected portfolio management offered by Robinhood Strategies on SEC Registered Advisor and SEC Registered Advisor.

Speaker 12 You know, one of the things, Bill, I wanted to say before we got before we got too far into this was listening to your podcast, your Monday morning podcast, I've listened to it in your Thursday, at your Thursday show, many times, many times

Speaker 12 in a hotel room after a long day at the Ground Free Circuit because I was chairman of the stewards panel.

Speaker 12 So you've talked about incidents that I have called before, like the incident last year between Alex Marquez and Peco Bagnaya.

Speaker 12 And you were wondering, you know, about the incident and it looked like that they came together and there was no call. I called it a race incident.

Speaker 12 The reason why is, is because we look at trajectory and we have high-speed cameras.

Speaker 12 We have high-speed cameras.

Speaker 12 And so I look at it from three or four different angles.

Speaker 12 So for you, next time you're watching a Moto GP race and the team of stewards that are in the Grand Prix Now, I hired all those guys. All those guys are what I brought on to the team.

Speaker 12 I stopped doing it at the end of 24. But I would be listening to the podcast and I'd be going, and you'd be asking about, well, I wonder why, you know, this, this, this.

Speaker 12 And I would be saying, I could explain it to you, you know?

Speaker 8 Well, you know what? I just realized that I'm looking at it in a very two-dimensional way. I have like a sky view.
I'm not looking at the race angle that they're taking.

Speaker 12 Right.

Speaker 10 I just realized I need to shut up about all of those things.

Speaker 12 Oh, no, you guys.

Speaker 12 It was cool. It was cool because it was great that you were watching.
And as a, as, and you're such an enthusiast.

Speaker 8 I will tell you, can I tell you the craziest thing I've seen in the nine years I've been watching?

Speaker 12 Right.

Speaker 8 And Moto GP was

Speaker 8 they, I don't know what track they were at, but it was this long straightaway where they get up to like 210, 213 miles an hour. And then there was a hard right turn.

Speaker 8 And there was this whole like open field on the side.

Speaker 12 So

Speaker 8 I guess they never anticipated people on the straightaway colliding. Somehow these two guys, as the leaders were just about ready to go into that right turn, two people collided.

Speaker 8 They fell off their motorcycles and these motorcycles. started cartwheeling down the grass towards

Speaker 12 i i had i i was i was at there and i had to call that incident i'm the one that pinlocked franco morvidelli yeah that was that was maverick renales and valentino rossi who was coming through the corner and this bike like with the engine hanging off yeah

Speaker 8 coming around it went right in between them right

Speaker 12 the chances the chances bill of the two bikes going through in between maverick vanales and and and valentino and not hitting them is it was one in a million divine intervention is the only way i can say it i We were watching it, and I couldn't believe what we were watching.

Speaker 12 And it was Johan Zarko and Franco Moradelli who got together. And so I had to give a starting from Pin Lane to Johan Zarko for the incident because he basically,

Speaker 12 it was pretty much a racing incident.

Speaker 12 Because of the speed and the kink of the corner there, not considering the fact of being the right-hander right at the end, it's why we changed the track design

Speaker 12 after this incident for the next year for the Spielberg. It was in Spielberg, Austria in August, is where you saw that.

Speaker 8 Thank God nobody had to die. Because

Speaker 8 even I knew I was going like, there's no way they're looking at all the tracks now to see if that could possibly happen.

Speaker 12 That's the closest I saw.

Speaker 8 Thank God nothing happened. But I always wondered like

Speaker 8 for like Valentino Rossi, who else was the other guy that had just missed?

Speaker 12 Maverick finales.

Speaker 8 like what it was like,

Speaker 8 you know, your heart

Speaker 12 was in front, and so he didn't get to see the bikes come through in between them. Yeah, it was Valentino who

Speaker 12 saw the bike, his light, you know, saw the bike like cross right in front of his bike.

Speaker 12 Oh my gosh, yes, that's something you like, the balls to be like, okay,

Speaker 8 start racing again, and be like, yeah,

Speaker 12 yeah, but

Speaker 12 that was a tough incident because you got the thing is, it's such an emotional, everybody at that level, they're so driven.

Speaker 12 And, you know, the team, you know, as the steward, and I was chairman of the stewards, and so basically, I would deal with each one of those incidents, like that situation where I brought Johann Zarko and Franco Morbidelli in, and I, and I, and they were both, you know, one of them had one opinion,

Speaker 12 always different opinions.

Speaker 9 It's just like out in the street.

Speaker 8 It's the little friend that bended.

Speaker 9 He came out of nowhere.

Speaker 12 Yeah, exactly. And, you know, so he's going, well, what was I supposed to do? And of course, there was no issue with

Speaker 12 Valentino or Maverick. But so it was just between those two and who caused the crash and basically how it could be avoided.
And there's so much,

Speaker 12 you know, where you're looking at it, where it's just, it's perception of the incident, where you're looking at it objectively, and you obviously,

Speaker 12 it's not about personalities.

Speaker 12 And, you know, that's why being a steward or even a referee, you see referee, you know, games, it's, it's extremely difficult because what you can see, you make half the people happy.

Speaker 12 Most time, no one's, you know, happy with that. Do you feel that

Speaker 8 being a form

Speaker 8 that former racers are make better stewards?

Speaker 12 Because they absolutely absolutely it's one of the things that you see in formula one they have the same thing they have stewards they don't have permanent stewards in fact liberty media who owns formula one now um one of the things they just bought the controlling interest in moto gp and that deal just went through a lot of people were upset by that what what do they think is going to happen Well, I think

Speaker 12 they were concerned about trying to make it too much like Formula One. You know, our sport is very passion-driven.
It's very fan-driven. It's very passionate.
It's affordable.

Speaker 12 And, you know, that's very important that

Speaker 12 they keep that in mind.

Speaker 8 As long as the passing continues,

Speaker 8 you're watching racing for that. That's what you're watching.
And if it gets to a point where

Speaker 8 I don't know, everything's too equal and the people can't overtake anybody.

Speaker 8 It's just like, well, I'm just watching like a 200 mile an hour parade lap.

Speaker 12 Right. It's one of the reasons why the technical rules for 2027 is changing.

Speaker 12 And, you know, not to get too technical, but, you know, I don't know what that, I don't know what that is.

Speaker 9 What is that rule?

Speaker 12 Well,

Speaker 12 the technical rules are changing for. 2027 in Moto GP where they're lowering the displacement.

Speaker 12 They're taking away some of the aerodynamics, taking away some of the electronics to give even more control back to the riders to where it'll make the racing even better

Speaker 12 so it's awesome everybody out there who who likes moto gp it's going to get even better and everybody who hadn't seen it they it you they should because it is exciting to watch as as you know i get a question have you watched that that bagger racing that they have uh yes yes i'm involved

Speaker 12 I'm involved with a BTR program called Build Trade Race and with Rota with Roland Enfield.

Speaker 12 And so we go to some of the Moto America races and that's here in the United States and the baggers they run there. When you came to Moto GP, were they running the baggers as a

Speaker 8 it was only uh well let's see I mean I went I went to the sprint race on Saturday and then we all the dads went out there and did a lap and then the next day we saw

Speaker 8 oh boy we saw the actual race

Speaker 8 the next day

Speaker 8 dude you're just like me you know what I mean? I'm good at comedy.

Speaker 9 I'm terrible at technology.

Speaker 8 I wish I hope someday I can be as good a comedian as you are a motorcycle rider.

Speaker 12 Well, I think that you definitely are.

Speaker 8 I appreciate that. Here's something that

Speaker 8 I think fans would like.

Speaker 8 I know this really interests me that like that year in 85 when you were basically starting in two sports at the same time, dominating both, winning the championship, there was a price to pay that you're uh you had wrist issues and all of that um just i i mean i can't imagine like i know the toll like when sometimes when they talk about today's racing the amount of weight they lose the calories the the g-forces and stuff the fact that you were you would race the 250 and then the 500 the same day

Speaker 8 i mean like what sort of fluids did you have to take in the middle and then can you just talk about the body breaking down and um and what your thoughts were Was it worth it?

Speaker 12 Well,

Speaker 12 I've been asked that question many times

Speaker 12 because it'd be like playing two football games back-to-back.

Speaker 12 And you can imagine everybody out there can imagine the toll that it would take on the body just putting under that stress back-to-back games. Back-to-back races were the same thing.

Speaker 12 And it certainly

Speaker 12 exacerbated the wrist problems that I was starting to develop. The carpal tunnel, it was called, this was before copper tunnel was really even well known that much.

Speaker 12 And I had some tendon issues. And so I had some surgeries and then I had some neck issues from an accident that I had.

Speaker 12 And it all kind of came together. And I think doing the two championships made it worse and certainly made it to where

Speaker 12 it wore out my wrist. And that's what happens, just things get worn out, you know, with knee problems or wrist problems.
And that's what I developed.

Speaker 12 I do not regret doing the two championships because for me, you know, Bill, I believe that everything happens for a reason.

Speaker 12 And certainly, you know, certainly doing both championships allowed me to do something that other people had tried, but they weren't, couldn't be successful at.

Speaker 8 Yeah, well, and that's another thing, too, is like that's

Speaker 8 there's a few things that I feel like will never be broken. And that, that is, that is one of them.
Like, nobody's gonna like put, I don't even think you, no one's gonna put their body through that.

Speaker 8 No one's gonna attempt it. And certainly, I don't think there's anybody out there that could ride two full seasons at the same time, two different bikes, and win the championship.
I mean,

Speaker 8 I actually think, you know, I'm going to start bringing that up in sports arguments when people talk about like Joe DiMaggio's 56-game hitting streak or the Bulls winning 72 games.

Speaker 8 I'm going to be like, fucking Freddie Spencer, 1985,

Speaker 8 basically was playing two football games on the same day, two different classes, but he's doing it on a motorcycle at 200 miles an hour. It's really like

Speaker 8 for you to be like.

Speaker 8 as like a genius or rider you are and still to be so like, because I had no idea how you're going to be, to be like this down to earth and still have this amount of passion and say like you'd like to teach me how to ride if I was you know

Speaker 12 oh my god

Speaker 12 you take me for a ride in your helicopter and I'll I'll help you done

Speaker 12 I'm serious done

Speaker 12 next time next time you're in

Speaker 12 LA you let me know absolutely 100% and then I got you know my where my airport is you know it's a little bit of a ride into the canyons then once you get in the canyons uh well we can just do something at the airport you know yeah yeah we we don't need much room but but i can just help you to just navigate how to use the brakes better how to use the use your body better you know hand position just real basic things that will totally change your riding experience it's one of the things that i'm most proud of bill is is after i retired from racing in 1995 i went and started my own riding school and i did that for 11 years and i had over 6 000 people that came to my school.

Speaker 12 And you saved a lot of lives too.

Speaker 12 Well, that was one of the things. You know,

Speaker 12 I wasn't teaching about speed. I was teaching about how to work with the motorcycle, how to ride and become a better and safer rider.
And in turn, you're going to enjoy it and to be able to do that.

Speaker 12 That was my goal. That's what I wanted to do was to help people to understand

Speaker 12 how to become better riders for themselves and to be safer riders.

Speaker 12 That was the only thing that I read in the 15-page page thing they gave me that disappointed me was that your school because i saw the school was like i'm going to that i am definitely going to that so well guys keano reeves and i became good friends after he did the matrix he came to my school and he spent two weeks there and wrote in three schools and i i taught him how to drag his knee and lyle love it's been to my school many times he's oh my god that's amazing yeah so like i said i i can i i look forward to it i'm definitely looking to us getting together yeah i don't think i know a lot of people think keano reeves is cool i don't think they even understand how cool that guy is he's oh yeah yeah

Speaker 8 he's great he has a race team in in motor america racing as we speak and so i see him i see him all the time and uh it's one of the things he has a company called arch his own bike but when he came to my school that's what kind of really got him hooked on motorcycling and so he credits that to one thing that inspired him one day to start his own motorcycle company which is called arch and yeah a long time ago i went down to his place and i saw all of those bikes they're gorgeous gorgeous bikes yeah the good thing about me is i'm not a speed guy i like watching guys like you do it you know i got i got the you know the road glide i'm i'm like i like a nice cadillac ride i'm out there to smell the smells go around some turns i even you know it's funny is i i when i go and i ride the canyons i do it during the week because on the weekend is all those fast and furious tokyo drift kids and i'm just like you guys do all that i don't have any uh

Speaker 8 i don't have the other day day. I was riding through this canyon.
And, you know, it was funny was this guy just like passed me like I was standing still. And he looked like he was an Uber Eats guy.

Speaker 8 And I think I have like a twin. I think it was a single piston.

Speaker 11 He was just so much better at riding.

Speaker 9 And

Speaker 8 it's like, he was riding like a Moto 3.

Speaker 9 And,

Speaker 8 dude, he went like by me. It was embarrassing.
But what I like about being an older rider is I was able to laugh at myself.

Speaker 8 And I didn't get into, oh, I gotta, I gotta show him I got a more powerful bike. I'm like, dude, that's all you.
And he just like a cartoon. He just went like, and he just was gone.

Speaker 8 So, anyway,

Speaker 8 let's let's. I wish your book was coming out now.

Speaker 8 If it isn't, when it comes out again, if, if, if, if you want, if you want to come back on and promote your book, I mean, I'm going to read it cover to cover. And, uh, you know, there's a lot of,

Speaker 8 you know, sports fans that listen to this podcast. And I got to tell you, man, that 1985 season, you know, I'm putting that up there.
27 Yankees.

Speaker 12 Well, that's very kind of you, bill.

Speaker 8 Yeah, 96 Bulls and Freddie Spencer, 1985. It should be there, dude.

Speaker 8 And because for all of those guys doing what they did in sports, that, you know, you couldn't die doing it, you know, I do have to ask you. I do have to ask you without telling a morbid story.

Speaker 8 I don't want to know about anybody dying. What is the craziest thing?

Speaker 8 That you saw like you were like a racing incident like when I'm talking about like that bike i was saying just went flying down the track and barely missed two guys in your bale of hay riding leathers years what's the craziest thing you saw

Speaker 12 well

Speaker 12 there

Speaker 12 the the cra the the incident that you that you mentioned that happened while i was a a steward that i had to make the call on at spielberg is probably the most hair racing incident that i've ever seen because of the speed and and the the actual incident incident itself and the march and of era of and no one getting hurt.

Speaker 12 And so that that was that was that would have been gruesome too. Somebody getting

Speaker 8 an engine in a bike frame at 200 miles an hour.

Speaker 12 That would have been yeah, for me, you know, I've I've had a couple of accidents, you know, to where, you know, I was going, you know, crashing at high speed.

Speaker 12 and basically going toward a hay bale or guardrail and and you don't know exactly what's going to happen.

Speaker 8 What do you do? Do you just relax?

Speaker 12 Yeah, and that's the thing, that's the thing about it,

Speaker 12 that is so, your mind is so strong in its ability and the training aspect of it.

Speaker 12 And it's one of the things that I think separate all athletes and all athletes at great levels, and you certainly see in motorsports, is the mind's ability to be so far ahead of what's happening and its survival mode.

Speaker 12 And it just, you know, you have to relax and that's, that's what allows you to get through the incident.

Speaker 12 All right, but I've certainly had, I've had, I've had a couple, you know, close calls. You can imagine 29 years of racing and racing at the very elite level and all the years of coming through.

Speaker 12 I never got injured until I got to Grand Prix racing. I raced for 14 years, 40 weekends a year.
My dad and I would travel around the United States and

Speaker 12 uh was fortunate never to have an injury never break a bone racing did you have a um

Speaker 8 like i obviously you know you rather have it slide out from underneath you than high side it when did you have any sort of way

Speaker 8 technique when you're when you high side i just feel like it's like you get shot off a catapult oh absolutely and there's like nothing you can is there anything to per that that is is better to protect or you're just praying

Speaker 12 Well,

Speaker 12 I call it that moment of airtime and silence before impact, you know, and it's something you want to avoid. But a

Speaker 12 high sighting going over the top side, as you said, a low side, which you see more of today, and that's where the electronics, the safety of the bikes, have gotten, you know, in that respect, so much better because the bike stops spinning the electronics, and so it can react faster than you can

Speaker 12 in the old days where we would have to get back the throttle at the right moment as the rear tires breaking traction.

Speaker 12 And,

Speaker 12 you know, to prevent it from being too violent of a high side.

Speaker 12 When you're in the air and that's silence. Right.

Speaker 8 Do you have time to think anything? Are you like, oh, shit?

Speaker 12 Well, everything slows down.

Speaker 12 Golly. That's the thing about it is everything slows down.

Speaker 12 And you remember everything. I still can close my eyes and remember every incident and basically, you know, from whether it's 40 years ago or 50 years ago, you know,

Speaker 12 it's like listening, it's like listening to any older athlete like Jack Nicholas talk about hitting a two-hire in a marion in 1967.

Speaker 12 I think that that is one of the great things about sports in particular, but especially motorcycling.

Speaker 12 And that's why when I heard you say on the podcast one time, not too long ago, about when you get on, you can just, it's the one thing you can do that clears your mind. And it's certainly the case.

Speaker 9 Well, let me,

Speaker 9 I got so many I want to ask you.

Speaker 8 What is a championship motorcycle racer goes to bed at night and your dreams? Did you ever dream about riding? Did you have a reoccurring nightmare? Did you have a dream?

Speaker 8 Do you dreaming about what I want to do the next day?

Speaker 8 Like, what do you guys, someone like you, when you go to bed at night, was there ever an incident that happened where you said had a couple close calls did you have nightmares about it were you able to like let it go

Speaker 12 i think i think one of the things

Speaker 12 for me when i would dream about racing i would i could feel literally feel

Speaker 12 the movements of the motorcycle in my dreams and and you know sense what was happening if i had a crash certainly i've thought about it before years later you know think about it i talk about one story in my book a crash that i had amazano in 1980 87 on august 30th 1987

Speaker 12 and i can still remember the the impact and then the crash and then afterwards you know i i

Speaker 12 had an experience

Speaker 12 And it was the most peaceful moment that I had. And I could hear my name being called in the distance.

Speaker 12 And it was the doctor waking me up when I was in the medical center because it had knocked me out.

Speaker 12 And oh, wow.

Speaker 8 So you were sort of unconscious, but conscious?

Speaker 12 Right.

Speaker 8 Or coming out of it.

Speaker 12 Oh, my God. Yeah, coming out of it.
Yeah.

Speaker 8 So, did you have any, like, you know, like people have dreams, you know, there's a monster coming and they can't run.

Speaker 8 Did you have any dreams of like you're going into a turn and you just can't turn it? Or did you have more just visceral dreams of like, no, I probably, I probably,

Speaker 12 you could probably think this is crazy. I actually would dream that I was late putting my leathers on and getting to the starting line, you know?

Speaker 8 Dude, I used to have dreams of bombing on talk shows or going out and forgetting my act.

Speaker 8 I'll tell you the funniest one I had. I had one one time I was on Letterman and I was bombing and I looked over and my dad was sitting behind the desk, just shaking his head at me.

Speaker 8 And I'm like, well, this is Psych 101. David Letterman's the father figure I want to impress.
I want to have a good set.

Speaker 12 That's so amazing.

Speaker 8 Freddie, we got to hang.

Speaker 8 I'm going to take you for a flight and you got to teach me how to become a more comfortable.

Speaker 12 Absolutely. I look forward to it.

Speaker 8 All right. Well,

Speaker 8 this was like, I was so nervous about this podcast because I have such a respect for what you guys do. And it's such an art form.
It's the most gorgeous racing sport.

Speaker 8 The colors, the movement, the way everybody goes in. And

Speaker 8 I just, I can't say enough about this sport. I absolutely love it.

Speaker 8 So we're definitely going to hang, but also when your book comes out, dude, you've got to come back on this and we're going to promote the hell out of it.

Speaker 12 Well, one thing I can tell you that we're already working on with the field book, we're already working on a screenplay for a film. So

Speaker 12 that

Speaker 12 with

Speaker 12 Mike Talon and MJ.

Speaker 12 which I know you.

Speaker 8 All right, can I play the guy in the pit yelling at the screen? Like, Freddie, you got to slow down.

Speaker 12 Yeah, or go faster.

Speaker 12 You could be holding the pitboard.

Speaker 9 The bike can't do what you're asking it to do.

Speaker 12 Yeah, exactly. You pick up the pace here.

Speaker 8 But, you know, then of course you do what I didn't think the bike could do. And then I'm like, well, I'll be a son of a bitch.
And there's your movie right there. I just, we got a beat sheet.

Speaker 8 Let's go sell it.

Speaker 8 All right. That's it, everybody.
That's the Thursday afternoon, just before Friday. Monday morning podcast.
I cannot thank you enough, Mr. Spencer.
That's the respect I got for you.

Speaker 8 You are an absolute legend. and I look forward to reading your book, and I look forward to us hopefully hanging out one time.
That's it, everybody. Thank you for listening.
I hope you enjoyed it.

Speaker 8 Have a wonderful weekend, everybody, and I'll see you on Monday.

Speaker 9 Bill me, you're just taking a picture. What are we doing?

Speaker 9 What are you doing? Picture. Oh, picture.
Okay. I always get paranoid.
All right, we're going.

Speaker 9 All right. Hey, what's going on? It's Bill Burr and it's time for the Monday morning podcast for Monday, December 11th, 2017.
What's going on? How are you?

Speaker 9 It's the Christmas season, everybody. Merry Christmas to everybody.

Speaker 9 I know you're not supposed to say that anymore. I don't know why.
If somebody said happy Hanukkah to me, I wouldn't be like, you know, go fuck yourself. I'm Christian.
I'm not even Christian.

Speaker 9 I don't even go to church. I just like saying Merry Christmas.
It puts a little song in my heart. But in this gift-giving time of the year,

Speaker 9 the gift that we have today is a very special guest came in all the way from New York, the wonderfully talented, with a brand new special called Naive Innocence that you can get on iTunes, Google Play, Amazon, U-porn, right?

Speaker 9 U-porn, no. No, okay.
Please welcome Harris Stanton, everybody, to the program. Hey, what's up? Yeah, there should have been applause there, but we don't have the sound effects.
I have porn in my

Speaker 9 album. Do you know

Speaker 9 I'm trying to go the month of December? No porn. No booze.
Why? No, nothing. Because I think it fucks you up.
It does. It does.

Speaker 9 If I didn't get up so late and had to be here at one, I would have jerked off before I came here. But I realized I didn't have enough time to get into it the way I wanted to.

Speaker 9 Jesus, what do you fucking become a character or something? I watched that Flair documentary he was talking about, and the guy asked me how many times a day do he jerk off? He goes twice.

Speaker 9 I was like, that's about what I do. Rick Flair said that? Yeah, you saw the documentary.

Speaker 9 I don't remember that part. Yeah, he went to a sports psychologist, and the guy was like, so how many times a day you drink off? He goes, twice.

Speaker 9 How much do you drink?

Speaker 9 He goes, I have 10 beers and five vodkas.

Speaker 9 That part I remember. Yeah.
He said that before. He said jerking off stuff before that.

Speaker 9 He goes, every day. Every day.
He said, how long have you been doing that? Oh, it's 1982. I started in 1972.
Boom,

Speaker 9 about 20 years.

Speaker 9 He said, that's impossible. He said, he spent a week with me.
Yeah. I like when they said, they were like, your first wife, how how long were you faithful to her? And he was like, ah,

Speaker 9 about a day.

Speaker 9 And they go, really? He goes, I couldn't do it. I couldn't do it.
I came home and he goes, I was bored. I just wanted, like, to see a guy

Speaker 9 to actually just say how fucking bored he is being married. Because, you know, anytime you have a thought of just any sort of like resentment of your situation that you fucking created.

Speaker 9 Right, exactly. You didn't have to say, I do.
You didn't have to do all that, but you created it. You have that feeling of like, fuck, I want to do this.
You have like that guilt.

Speaker 9 I loved his complete lack lack of guilt.

Speaker 9 Or honesty, I should say. Honesty, yeah.
Honesty.

Speaker 9 Why do you tell the girls? Why do you say, scream out your hotel? Yeah, I don't know. Why don't you wear your ring?

Speaker 9 I don't know.

Speaker 9 No one ever comes to the hotel. They all come to the hotel.
I like that one when he was in the middle of nowhere and there was no party when he went back to the hotel. He created one.

Speaker 9 He just created one. Bought like 100 kamikazes and then he's dancing on the bar.
It's just like, woo! Yeah, dude, you just blew out my fucking hell. Oh, sorry.
Jesus. Let me turn this down here.

Speaker 9 Speaking of what?

Speaker 9 Yeah, man. You got to go with the mic.
Woo!

Speaker 9 There you go.

Speaker 9 Speaking of honesty, tell me about your special. And I also like how you're doing it.

Speaker 9 You basically went where all the specials end up anyways. And so you just bypassed all the networks.
It's just like someone's going to steal this and rip it anyways, or whatever the kids say.

Speaker 9 You just shot it yourself? No, it's

Speaker 9 Bill, for the fifth time, it's an album. What is it? Oh, it's an album.
Oh, it's a CD. Yeah, well, it's not a CD.
It's just digital, I guess.

Speaker 9 And I have drop cards that I sell after my shows and stuff. Oh, all right.
Yeah. Sorry, man.

Speaker 9 I don't do a lot of interviews, and I'm not a good listener. So here we go.

Speaker 9 Bill, for the last time, I'm here about a benefit.

Speaker 9 When's your special come out? I just assume it's a comedian. It's got to be a special.
Yeah, no, I filmed it at Gotham Comedy Club

Speaker 9 Memorial Day weekend. Well, how do you film an album? Well, you're right.
I recorded it at Gotham Comedy Club, Memorial Day weekend. And it's on all the little media platforms.
All right.

Speaker 9 45-minute album. I have to ask you the white guy question here.
You're wearing a Phillies hat. All right.
Now, I've learned this with black people. That doesn't mean you're a fan.

Speaker 9 Do you have on maroon sneakers or do you really like the Phillies? I just like the hat. Oh, you just like the hat? Yeah.
But I'm a Toronto Blue Jays fan.

Speaker 9 You might see me wearing a few different Toronto Blue Jays hats. And you have a baseball background, correct? Yes.
I was drafted by the Chicago Cubs. That's right.
You were a right fielder, I believe?

Speaker 9 In the 56th round, which they don't have that round anymore. You were drafted in the 56th round, and the scouting report on you was you could go deep, but you couldn't hit a curveball.
Yes.

Speaker 9 So what did you do to try to work on, other than just guessing, what did you do when you stepped up to plate to try to get, because there's no fucking way I could ever hit a curveball? Well,

Speaker 9 I was always hunting a fastball, which is

Speaker 9 probably not a great. Well, that's what a lot of hitters do.
You're supposed to adjust. But I just, I think it was mental after a while.

Speaker 9 I wish I knew about sports psychology when I was playing. I would have went to one because it was totally mental.
You had a mental, like Charles Barkley's golf swing where he has to stop and then.

Speaker 9 Oh, like John Lester, who can't throw the first base, but he can throw a pinpoint fastball in the inside corner to a hitter, but he can't throw it the first base to throw somebody out. Yeah.

Speaker 9 He will not throw it out. No pitchers can throw.

Speaker 9 They all just, they fucking throw like, I don't know what, like a goddamn gorilla on the line. And the second they got to throw it, they throw like a little girl.
Like, oh. Right.

Speaker 9 Ario, I don't know if you remember Chuck Knoblock. He played for the,

Speaker 9 he was a gold glove second baseman. All of a sudden, he couldn't catch anything.
No, he couldn't throw. He couldn't throw.
What's the one? Yeah, he threw it. Yeah, he threw it.

Speaker 9 It was like hitting people in the fifth row.

Speaker 9 Steve Sachs was the first guy. Was that the guy? Yeah, the yips.
Yeah.

Speaker 9 And it's all mental because you was doing it your whole life until now.

Speaker 9 So did you ever hit the curveball? Yeah, I've hit a few curveballs. Bad ones, the ones that don't break that much.

Speaker 9 But a good one, not too many people hit a good one anyway. You're not going to hit if

Speaker 9 Clayton Kershaw puts a good one on the outside, you're not touching it.

Speaker 9 Who's

Speaker 9 anybody you ever go up against made it in the big leagues? Yeah, Lando Hudson.

Speaker 9 He's the only son. How'd you go against him? Well,

Speaker 9 he didn't pitch. He was a player.

Speaker 9 Yeah, he was a player.

Speaker 9 Jacob Shoemake, he got drafted first round by

Speaker 9 Atlanta Braves. And he didn't make it.
He got a $500,000 signing bonus.

Speaker 9 So you did all that Bull Durham shit, riding around in buses and all that? No, I didn't make it that far. I was released spring training.

Speaker 9 Wait, so when you get drafted by the Cubs, they saw you at high school? Like, what are you doing? They saw me at high school, and then they

Speaker 9 actually can, scouts can actually help you get into schools. They call other schools and go, we like this guy.
Matter of fact, I got recruited by NC State from a scout.

Speaker 9 They call schools and they, hey, get this guy. We're going to look at him.
And then you go to school, and then after your first season, they either pick you up or they...

Speaker 9 Because I was a draft and followed. So this is non-stop pressure.
Yes. So every time, so then it's already bad bad enough if you're in your head, if you're in a slump.
Yes.

Speaker 9 Now it's just like, fuck, I'm not going to get picked up next year. My dream is going to die.
So all these other kids are walking around going to keg parties

Speaker 9 going, mom, send more money. And you're literally going, my dream's fucking dying.
Right, right, exactly.

Speaker 9 Most people who don't know baseball, it's just extremely competitive and hard to play. That's why there's a minor leagues.
There's no minor leagues for, but there is a little bit for football now.

Speaker 9 But there's no minor leagues for basketball and football. You just go right to the pros.
But baseball, you need constant work from rookie ball all the way to triple-A.

Speaker 9 Rookie ball is not even a ball yet. Is that because the game's that hard? It's really that hard, yeah.
You mean you ever tried? You ever seen a 97-mile-off fastball coming at you?

Speaker 9 I like those people that go down to the batting cages and they just set it on 90 and they know what the pitch is, and they keep going, dude. I was hitting it.
I was catching up with this.

Speaker 9 It's like, oh, okay.

Speaker 9 All right, now let's actually put a brain behind that fucking machine that has two other pitches. Exactly.
And there's a million people watching. Right.
Fastball is actually easy to hit.

Speaker 9 It's the other stuff, slider, curveball. You don't know what's coming.
Sometimes the pitcher is a little bit more damaged. Can you please, what exactly is a slider? It's a ball.
What does it do?

Speaker 9 It's a ball that slides to the left or slides to the right. That's it? Yeah.
That's not a curveball. Curveball drops off the table.
Curveball drops off the table, yeah. That's a slider.

Speaker 9 They call it a 12 to 6, where it really drops from 12 to 6. That's a bat.
Kershaw has a 12 to 6. Some people just have a little loop.
But a slider is a.

Speaker 9 And a cutter is a fastball that at the last minute darts to the left, which goes into

Speaker 9 the handle part, and you break your back. Like, Mariano had the greatest cutter.

Speaker 9 Why can't they just guess? And just going, I know he's coming with the cutter and just guessing. Because even if you wing a little left.

Speaker 9 It was that easy. I don't know, man.
I met a guy one time who

Speaker 9 used to play for the Giants, and he owned fucking Tim Wakefield, who was a knuckleball pitcher. And he goes,

Speaker 9 this is a visual here, but basically he'd go like, well, well, basically, his pitch did this, and he would make all these crazy

Speaker 9 movements with his hand, and then go, it either went here or

Speaker 9 there. Yeah, knuckleball is crazy.
He would just guess. He would go, all right, I'm going to just swing here on this one, or I'm going to swing there.

Speaker 9 And I'm ignoring all of this bullshit between me and him. And he actually was successful doing that.

Speaker 9 I remember the Yankees one year were just looking at tape against Wakefield, and they realized that most of his knuckleballs were balls. So they go, well, just don't fucking swing at it.

Speaker 9 And then he started getting behind in the count. I think that's when when he had to, like, every once in a while throw like his idea of like a fastball.

Speaker 9 But I always felt if I was going to get to the big leagues, like, that's the way to, you know, if you could somehow develop a knuckleball, because then you're not going to blow out your arm.

Speaker 9 You can throw like 26 pitches, like, you know, crazy like Johnson. You could pitch to 60.
The early 1900s. Yeah.

Speaker 9 What do you think? I know we're not, I love sports. Who gives a fuck? We know you're funny.
Let's just think about soft sports here.

Speaker 9 What if

Speaker 9 you look at those early 1900s

Speaker 9 specials?

Speaker 9 I'm not specials, the fucking records that people in baseball yeah like when somebody you know he pitched 93 innings in two days that'll never be broken right the Home Depot League is what I call it well

Speaker 9 today's today's baseball is different because it's the training it's the preparation like those guys they just they just they just played like now they coddle the the uh the players the pitchers like they only go six innings now really yeah they're like veal yeah like back in the day they planned to go nine.

Speaker 9 Right. And now they go, you go six and some five.
I don't, and that means your bullpen has to be very good. You know, if you don't have a great bullpen,

Speaker 9 even I've even heard talk of, which was, which is blasphemy. I hope they never do it.
That just tried to, okay, you go three innings, you go three innings.

Speaker 9 No, you let Clayton Kershaw go as long as he can go, and then you bring in the bullpen. You don't let him go three, and then let your other guy go three.
I guess.

Speaker 9 So do you coach any baseball when you're not doing stand-up? No, no. I'm going to put my son in the league probably next summer.
That's good. You're going to keep him out of football?

Speaker 9 At least he didn't pick soccer. I know soccer is gradually taking over.
Yeah, yeah.

Speaker 9 Yeah, soccer, no. You can't do, because you know what you're basically saying? I'm going to Joe Jackson him in baseball.

Speaker 9 You're saying, I want my son to be a flopper. Yeah.

Speaker 9 That's basically.

Speaker 9 I think you got to take like a drama class before you play soccer or whatever the fuck they call it overseas football.

Speaker 9 My favorite one ever is, you know, people say, you know, why do you call it football? Talking about American football.

Speaker 9 There's somebody, I forget what comedian said this. It was like, well, why do you call it football? Why don't you call it feetball? Right.
Using both feet, right? You want to be a clever cunt?

Speaker 9 There's your clever joke right back at you. Right, right.
I actually would rather watch women's soccer than men's soccer just because they just play. They don't do all that fucking flopping around.

Speaker 9 And it's embarrassing. I would literally, if that was my son, I would walk out of the stadium.
I would stand up all dramatic, like Glenn Close in the natural.

Speaker 9 I'd have myself backlit so he saw me up in the stands and he'd be all excited that he drew a fucking yellow card and I would turn my back on him. That'd be it.

Speaker 9 That'd be the modern day version of that story where the guy bricked up the room that the kid was in. Oh, yeah.

Speaker 9 You heard that story? No, no, but I watched the ID channel, so I mean

Speaker 9 he locked his son, he bricked up his son. His son was supposed to go to battle and he fucking chickened out.

Speaker 9 So the guys came there and they're like, yeah, you know, your son, who you said, it was like the king or some shit. They go, your son, who you said was brave,

Speaker 9 fucking, you know, he chickened out. And he's like, bullshit, no son of mine would do that.
And they go, yeah, he's right in that room. He goes, I refuse to believe that.

Speaker 9 And to demonstrate it, I will now have this room sealed off. And he started bricking the room up, and he got all the way up to the last brick.
And then the pussy was on the other side.

Speaker 9 He went, Father.

Speaker 9 And then, oh, this happened in Tahunga.

Speaker 9 In Orange County or something. Oh, wow.
And he goes, brick it up. And that was it.
They put the last brick in, and that was it. The dude died.
No. They found skeletons with powdered blunt.

Speaker 9 Dude, it wasn't now. It's a fable.
Oh, it's not real. Yeah.
Jesus, how crazy do you think white people are? Crazy. How free do you think we are that we can brick our kids up? You've done worse.

Speaker 9 We actually have.

Speaker 9 Shit.

Speaker 9 Anyways, Jesus Christ, let's get out of slavery. What else do you want to talk about? The Patrice O'Neill benefits coming up.
Yes, yes, man. Yeah.

Speaker 9 I'm excited about that.

Speaker 9 I always like seeing Georgia. Yeah.
Yeah. I actually spoke to it before I came here.
What's your favorite Patrice O'Neill story that you had? You went on the road with him.

Speaker 9 You did Amsterdam and all of that. Man, we coming back from Charlie Goodnight's Riley Durham.
Oh, yeah. And you guys, firecrackers is illegal in Boston, right?

Speaker 9 Fireworks, yeah. Fireworks.
Yeah, let's go up to New Hampshire. Yeah.
So, Patrice said, you're in a hurry to get back to New York. I go, uh, no, no, what's up?

Speaker 9 He goes, I never really you use fireworks. And I go, Okay, well, we stopped by.

Speaker 9 He spent like three hundred dollars on fireworks did he yes he just just put them all in one bag and just rang it up and he goes yo I want to I want to set some of this off so I go yeah I'm from down here he was in North Carolina so I'm from here so we can just find one of these little abandoned fields so we did but it was a uh it was hot and the grass was dry oh Jesus

Speaker 9 We started a forest fire.

Speaker 9 Oh, no. Oh, we lit it up.
We had just came back from eating. So Patrice had tea.
He shouldn't have had tea.

Speaker 9 And I had a big glass of water or tea. And the fire started getting bigger.
But before it got bigger, we tried to put it, stomp it out. So it was just two black dudes.

Speaker 9 Your tea? Without no, we did that. We did the feet first.
We both had new sneakers on. Our sneakers were black when we were done because we're trying to stomp this fire out.

Speaker 9 And then we went and grabbed the tea and we both poured our tea on the fire that did nothing.

Speaker 9 And then I said, let's get out of here. He goes, no, no, we got to.
Then the ambulance came. The fire truck came.
The owner of the land came in like 10 minutes.

Speaker 9 Oh, Patrice, you said, let's get out of here. Your own state.
You were like, fuck this place.

Speaker 9 We live in New York. Yeah, let's get out of here.
So what happened? They put it out one day. They put it out.
And they were really cool. Patrice was honest.
He goes, let me do all the talking, stupid.

Speaker 9 And when they got there, he's like, I'm from Boston. I never popped firecrackers before, so we just started to be good.

Speaker 9 Oh, it's okay, man. Don't worry about it.

Speaker 9 I I just

Speaker 9 put some pesticide on this crops and everything is dry or whatever. And they let us go.
Wow. They take our statement and let us go.
There you go. Look at that.
So we almost started a forest fight.

Speaker 9 That shit was going. The field is here, and

Speaker 9 the forest was like maybe

Speaker 9 10 feet from the fire. We just lighted off in a parking lot.

Speaker 9 We was in North Carolina. There's a little parking lot.
Yeah, there is. I lived there.

Speaker 9 Well, not where we were at. We were like off the highway, off the beaten path.
Fucking do it in a rest area. Scare a couple of pedophiles out of the bathroom.
Yeah, we didn't do that.

Speaker 9 Let's put it in this fucking pile of hay. Oh, dude, it was hilarious.
Our feet were, both our shoes were black from trying to stomp fire.

Speaker 9 We poured our tea on it.

Speaker 9 Where are you working these days?

Speaker 9 Everywhere in the city, I'm actually pretty busy. In January, I'm going to Denver, Colorado with Dean Edwards.

Speaker 9 Dean Edwards, man. I haven't run into him in a minute.
Yeah, yeah.

Speaker 9 Damn, where are you? What are you guys playing down there? The improv?

Speaker 9 I was at the Funny Ball. The Denver.
Comedy Works? No, no. No, it's the Improv, I think.
Oh, the Improv, okay. And then

Speaker 9 after that, I am in.

Speaker 9 Damn, where am I? I'm in Myrtle Beach, where I started at.

Speaker 9 Comedy Cabana.

Speaker 9 How close is that to the Forest Fire? Myrtle Beach. What Forest Fire? This Forest Fire is in South Carolina.
No, the one that you fucking started two minutes ago. Oh.
Trying to do a callback here.

Speaker 9 I was trying to fucking help you out here. That was in North Carolina.
Oh, North Carolina. Where's Myrtle Beach? South Carolina.
South Carolina, yeah. That's all the fucking same down there.

Speaker 9 That's all the goddamn sane.

Speaker 9 You know what I hate? You know what I don't like in the south, the chain? Waffle House. Oh, yeah.

Speaker 9 I used to work in one. You know what I like?

Speaker 9 The signage.

Speaker 9 The what? The sign. It's just so, the font is so not exciting.
And then it's like piss yellow. Yeah.
With like the most basic thing, and you get in there, and it's just, I don't know.

Speaker 9 There's always like either a fight's about to happen or just happened. It's just really like.
I I worked there three years when I was in high school. People go there.

Speaker 9 They seem like they're hiding out. Like, you know, I can't go home because of such and such situation.
Yeah,

Speaker 9 I didn't enjoy working.

Speaker 9 How long did you work there for? Three years off and on when I was there. How many fights did you see?

Speaker 9 I didn't see any fights, but someone after I worked third shift sometime and the club, when the club let out, these drunk people would come in and one person went in the bathroom and shit everywhere, all on the walls.

Speaker 9 So the waitress comes out, she goes, Harry, I'm cooking food. She goes, Harris, I need you to clean the bathroom.
I go, well, what's going on? Somebody made an accident.

Speaker 9 I went in there and it was just. It was an on-purpose.
I don't know. It looked like a crime scene with shit.

Speaker 9 And I said, no, I'm not cleaning it. I don't get paid to clean shit off walls.

Speaker 9 They don't make a mop for that. No, they don't.
Yeah, cause call a fucking hazmat group. Exactly.
Exactly. I refused, and one of them did it.
And one lady came in and she wanted a cheeseburger.

Speaker 9 And I said, the cheese is 50 cents extra. She goes, 50 cent? Can't you just put it on there? I go, no, lady, I can't just do it.
You have to pay for it. And she didn't get the cheese.

Speaker 9 The next day, the next night she came in. She had her own cheese in the plastic.
And she said, put that on my burger. Like, you was in a nightclub.

Speaker 9 This cheese is in your glove compartment for two hours. You left your house.
You got your purse, your perfume, and your high heels, and your cheese. So

Speaker 9 when you get to the waffle house, the cook can put it on your burger because you don't want to pay 50 cents. Wow.
Hilarious.

Speaker 9 That is a level of fucking cheapness. Because that is cheapness.

Speaker 9 If you're going out to a club and you're going to pay a cover and you're going to do some shit like that, I fucking hate cheap people like that. And also dumb with money.

Speaker 9 I don't have any sympathy for that. My white guild only goes so far.
You know what I mean? I'll white guild all fucking day long until I watch you get a deal and buy a bunch of dumb shit.

Speaker 9 Then I'm just like, all right, forget it. Right, right, right.
You know, all kinds of shiny shit. Remember that?

Speaker 9 Remember the age of the deals? Yeah. And Montreal Comedy Festival, and everyone would go up there and be like, oh, my dad was crazy and my brother was crazy.
And everybody's like, that's a show.

Speaker 9 Right, right. And then you'd go out and you'd get a six-figure deal.
Remember all those fucking idiots that went out and they buy flat-screen TV? Ty Lynn did that. Ty Lynn got a bunch of money.

Speaker 9 Todd Lynn, rest in peace, literally did, and I refuse to believe it until Dean Edwards fucking

Speaker 9 confirmed it, did the Coming to America thing where he fixed up a place he was renting.

Speaker 9 He even redid the fucking floors.

Speaker 9 He showed his landlord, she raised the rent, and he had to leave after a while. Yeah, yep, yep.

Speaker 9 He bought two cars.

Speaker 9 He bought that gold Lexus. He had the Jesus.

Speaker 9 It was

Speaker 9 Infinity. Infinity.
Infinity. And

Speaker 9 he had a waist-length mink with a hoodie on it. Zip-up.
And he would be on stage talking about white people. Right, he must have been.

Speaker 9 I'm just like, this guy, you could be as white as fucking ever.

Speaker 9 You're never going to keep money if you do that. Right.
He must have spent 20 grand on whores. It was hilarious.
I feel bad going. We can't go that far.
He's not alive to defend himself.

Speaker 9 But if he was, if he's listening to the spirit, the spirit of him. Yeah.

Speaker 9 Do you think in the afterlife both his arms worked?

Speaker 9 I thought we weren't doing anything. Jesus.
Jesus. Oh, God.
You know what's funny? Ty would have that arm and people were still afraid of him.

Speaker 9 What the fuck are you afraid of? Because he had the mean mug

Speaker 9 face. I used to always tease him about this Roman nose.

Speaker 9 He had like a Julius Caesar fucking nose.

Speaker 9 He was, I don't know. He kind of looked like a male Missy Elliott when I really think back.

Speaker 9 You know, when she needs to lose weight, you know,

Speaker 9 that size Missy. Whatever happened to her?

Speaker 9 I think she took her money left. I think Napster.
Right. Which blew up comedy.
I'm convinced of that. I'm smart on my money

Speaker 9 after the accident. I was.

Speaker 9 I only bought two things. Can I get any credit here for going this far in and not making you fucking relive that again? Oh, that's fine.

Speaker 9 We could talk about it.

Speaker 9 Okay. Yeah.
Harris was one of the people, unfortunately, who was on the bus with Tracy Morgan when that Walmart truck

Speaker 9 Not the bus, I'm sorry, it was one of those little Mercedes-like fan things. Van Limo party bus without the polls.
And rest in peace, Uncle Jimmy. Uncle Jimmy Mac, yeah.

Speaker 9 Oh, man, I remember bombing with him at fucking LeBar Bat one night.

Speaker 9 And I remember he was up. I bombed at La Barbat, too.
Oh, everybody. That fucking room, that was Talent's room.
I never figured that room out.

Speaker 9 That room was like this really cool bar.

Speaker 9 And it had an upstairs and a downstairs, and it was Tuesdays, the after-work crowd.

Speaker 9 You know, they never called any white people. I remember that.
It was the

Speaker 9 specifically all-black crowd, after-work crowd. And every time I went there,

Speaker 9 I think I must have killed first because I went back. Right, right, right.
So I killed the first time, then I bombed, then I killed, and I bombed every other fucking time. It was unbelievable.

Speaker 9 They only did it twice, and I bombed both times. Oh, I remember one night.
That's back when I was new anyway. So I probably won't.
I bombed so bad.

Speaker 9 You never bombed so bad that the next guy's bombing off of your bomb? Like, that's like, it was like the aftershock of what the fuck I did.

Speaker 9 So, Uncle Jimmy went up there and was bombing, and he was bombing so bad, and it was so fucking quiet. He was just like, ah, man, fuck y'all.
He goes out, and this woman was giving him shit.

Speaker 9 And he said something about, like, whatever, you know, something about his career.

Speaker 9 I still got my fucking career. And she was like, Edward, what career? And everybody, that was the biggest laugh.
Everyone laughed at him. He was trying to talk about being on BET.

Speaker 9 Dude, you remember, what's his face?

Speaker 9 Gerald Kelly? Gerald Kelly, Kelly, yeah. Green-eyed bandit.
I did one of his rooms out in Jersey.

Speaker 9 It was one of these places, it was a dance club, and like the next week it was closed because someone shot off some guns or some shit, and I fucking went in there, and it was me and Roz G

Speaker 9 and I forget who else, and he was supposed to host it. It was his room, and he was like fucking two hours late.

Speaker 9 And he came on stage. Oh, yeah.
And just was like, he's like, yo, what up? You know, just got back from Atlanta. You kind of sounded like a girl.

Speaker 9 And he goes, doing Comic View. He goes, made six G's.

Speaker 9 He tried to say he made six grand doing Comic View. Now, people not in the business, Comic View, you got paid like

Speaker 9 $600. I got $1,000 one time.
Did you? I think that was actually after everybody. I remember it was in the hundreds.
It was like $700,

Speaker 9 all-inclusive. Like, you lost money.
You lost money, yeah. Yeah.
You had to pay for your hotel. You had to pay for your flight.
So nobody knows that.

Speaker 9 So he showed up, told the crowd that had waited for him, like fucking Axel Rose back in the day,

Speaker 9 that he was late because he was doing a TV show and he made six grand. That's hilarious.
That's how we started. Everybody's like, What the fuck?

Speaker 9 And I remember Roz went up and she had such a tough set that she ended her set and she goes, Damn.

Speaker 9 She goes, I don't know who's coming up next, but he better be funny because you motherfuckers ain't laughing at shit.

Speaker 9 And walked off.

Speaker 9 And then they brought me up. And of course, the second I talked, everybody did the white guy voice.
Oh, hell, nice to be here.

Speaker 9 Yeah, I ate it. Jimmy, I tell you a funny story with Jimmy because Jimmy had, I guess he was away for comedy for a little while.
So Tracy brought him on the road, was on tour with us.

Speaker 9 But before I got on the tour, Mark Philbow said that Jimmy would go up and open and be bombing. So Tracy said, Jimmy, go up and warm the crowd up.
And Jimmy would go up, and Jimmy started bombing.

Speaker 9 And then Artie comes back and goes, yo, Tracy, Jimmy's bombing. You want me to get him off? Tracy's like, no, no, let him simmer for a little bit.

Speaker 9 So

Speaker 9 Artie goes back out and says, yo jimmy stretch and jimmy turns around goes okay they want me to stay out here and he just bombed for five more minutes like tracy you're an asshole for just letting him sit in his bomb for five more minutes let him out off the hook man

Speaker 9 and before and so the next night he goes jimmy you're up again you're up sounded like that dude in pulp fiction

Speaker 9 Let him simmer, dude. Let him simmer a little bit.
And then, so the next night,

Speaker 9 Jimmy, Tracy goes, Jimmy, you're on again tonight. And Jimmy literally went in the corner and started rehearsing his lines like new comics do.
Oh, God.

Speaker 9 And he went out and bombed again.

Speaker 9 What an asshole, Tracy. I know.
No, we had a bunch of those. There was a guy, I remember when I was in Boston,

Speaker 9 this guy, Dick Doherty, he still has rooms. He had all of these fucking rooms, right? He was like the godfather of the outside, the satellite rooms, right?

Speaker 9 He had the main clubs in Boston, and then he had all of these places in like fucking Drake It and all these places in Massachusetts and which are all great towns but you know not the best place sometimes to do comedy so he finally did one he finally got one in Boston I guess he always had the

Speaker 9 he had the comedy vault for a while but he opened this other one in Kenmore Square right in the college area and they called it comedy comedy campus so this this journeyman guy finally you know they gives him the room like you're booking this room you host it and he's fucking psyched man i'm finally fucking making something in this business and um

Speaker 9 he fucking the first night of it, I'm on it with Greg Fitzsimmons. And the dude goes up, and it's this really small crowd, 10, 15 people.
And dude, when I tell you, he didn't get a fucking laugh.

Speaker 9 He got nothing. Brings up the first act.
The first act immediately starts killing. Crowd fucking livens up.
Everything's going great. Dude finishes his set.
Thanks a lot. Back to your host, so-and-so.

Speaker 9 Host comes back up immediately, bombing again.

Speaker 9 The host bombing, yeah. That's always funny when the host is bombing, also.
Bombs again.

Speaker 9 Brings up the woman that Greg was dating at the time. Fucking, she kills.
Back to him. Bombing.
So finally brings up one more person. That person's killing, right?

Speaker 9 So fucking Fitzsimmons looks at him and he just goes, hey, buddy, he goes, dude, you know,

Speaker 9 if it's not happening for you, just bring Axe up. You know, we got plenty of show here.
We got plenty of show. And like, pissed this guy off.

Speaker 9 So he got on stage and he fucking immediately just starts bombing again. So finally, dead silence.
He just looks at the crowd. He's like, you know what? What the fuck?

Speaker 9 What the fuck kind of jokes do you fucking people want? Exactly. And this guy in the crowd goes, How about some funny jokes?

Speaker 9 And

Speaker 9 he goes, funny how, like, things going in and out of Uranus.

Speaker 9 Oh, that's that. Did that kill? It killed with me and Greg.
That's hilarious. He said it was such fucking bile in his voice.
You actually pictured this guy's asshole puckering up.

Speaker 9 That should have killed me.

Speaker 9 Me and Greg were, it was the funniest joke of the night. We were crying.
Hilarious. And the crowd was just like, whoa, what the fuck?

Speaker 9 Oh, wow. You remember Kevin Hart's Sweet Cheeks in Atlantic City? I never did that one, but I remember they threw chicken at Big Jay.
Oh, it was awful. They loved it.
It sounded like a gay bar.

Speaker 9 No, it was a Sweet Cheeks? It sounds like a gay bar. Remember Patrice worked a gay bar called Fiddlesticks.

Speaker 9 I did one. It was called Queen of Hearts.
Oh, man. No, it wasn't a gay bar.
It was actually the opposite. Gangsters hung out there.
It was fights all the time. And they loved little Kevin.

Speaker 9 But when everybody else would come back on, they would just, they threw

Speaker 9 the little plastic that you put the menu in on the table. They threw that at Jameek.

Speaker 9 They just, they were awful, but they loved Kev.

Speaker 9 I was like, well, that guy is funny, too.

Speaker 9 Oh, I didn't do rooms like that. After a while, like, there was if enough people came back.

Speaker 9 If enough people came back with stories,

Speaker 9 Kev was trying to get me to do that room, and I remember I was far enough in my career. It was just like, you didn't have to do it.
I don't need to drive to Philly to bomb. Like, I can do that.

Speaker 9 I'll do Drew Frazier's room, Manhattan proper. I'll take the E to the end.
That just finally closed.

Speaker 9 I love that room. I remember one time doing that.
I've been there all the time, too.

Speaker 9 I remember doing that one time, and I remember one entourage chasing another entourage out of the club, and then the next week there was like a metal detector. Yeah.

Speaker 9 That's Tupac and gangsters used to hang out there. Gangsters used to hang out there, like real live drug dealers.
Yeah, that was the vibe. But then this really cool afterwork

Speaker 9 thing was there. Yeah, like Supreme.
He was on American Gangster. They used to hang out there.
There was not a guy there named Supreme.

Speaker 9 You probably didn't know. In your whiteness, you had no idea you were next to.

Speaker 9 They probably thought I was a cop. You know what people used to do when I got off the fucking, when I took the E to Jamaica, Queens, and get up? They would look at me like

Speaker 9 they would just be like, people would try to help me. Jamaica, Queens? I'm like, dude, get back on.
You want to go. Yeah, exactly.
You want me to go the other way? You want to go the other way. Yep.

Speaker 9 Yep.

Speaker 9 You didn't know you was performing in front of killers, did you?

Speaker 9 Ah, no.

Speaker 9 I knew that there was definitely some shit going on that wasn't legal, but I mean, I thought it was kind of like

Speaker 9 you ever think about that.

Speaker 9 How many people that killed somebody at this point, how long have you been doing stand-up? How many people in the crowd who've killed somebody that people just don't even know yet?

Speaker 9 I used to think that on the subway. Right, well, in Manhattan property, you definitely had some clientele in that kill somebody.
I had somebody killed.

Speaker 9 Some future stars are for the first 48. Yes.
Let me do some advertisement. How far into this am I? Half? Half hour? Okay, cool.
Look at me. Still can feel a half.
Huh?

Speaker 9 I gotta type in my goddamn password. What's the name of your special again, so people know to look for it? My name is my special CD.

Speaker 9 Sorry.

Speaker 9 God damn.

Speaker 9 Naive Innocence. And that's the theme, because I moved from South Carolina and I was naive and innocent.
Then I got up here and I got around you guys and I became

Speaker 9 fucking terrible. You're gonna blame us like that demon wasn't in you?

Speaker 9 You're right. You're right.
Yeah. It was in there, but you guys lubricated it.
I haven't even talked about half the fucking shit that I heard you did. Lubricated it out.
You guys lubricated it out.

Speaker 9 No.

Speaker 9 You were on your own. I remember you overnight.
Tracy.

Speaker 9 Over fucking night.

Speaker 9 Overnight. You just went from like, hey, how's it going, everybody? To Harris did what?

Speaker 9 Harris did what? Yeah, that's pretty wild. Yeah.
And I'm just leaving this open. You want to tell your fucking stories? You tell them, but other than that, I keep my my mouth shut.
No, you don't see.

Speaker 9 There you go. Yeah, goes into falsetto.
Hey, you know, we got a little sideways there. All right, let me do let me do a little read here real quickly.

Speaker 9 Oh, look who's back for the holiday season. It's Sherry's Berries.

Speaker 9 All right, how far in are we?

Speaker 9 And you have 40. Okay, 10 minutes of bullshit there.
Sorry. You have a tape.
Oh, that's the camera just so people don't watch you jerk off. Does that really?

Speaker 9 I just feel no. Just like, what if you're banging your wife and you just have your thing on? Like, these fucking nerds, you know, they're not getting any pussy.
They just watch you.

Speaker 9 They actually caught people.

Speaker 9 You buy a TV, they watch you watching TV.

Speaker 9 The fuck?

Speaker 9 Yeah. And for some reason, that's not illegal.
And now all these fucking morons are, they got that little thing there in the house being like, Alexis?

Speaker 9 What's the capital of South America? Or whatever? I mean, sorry, of Brazil. Of South America.
I'm a moron.

Speaker 9 Yeah, you just bugged your own house. I mean, you already have with all these devices, and now you got this other thing.
Right. That's like...
Alexa. I don't have Alexa in my house.
No.

Speaker 9 That's like inviting a vampire into your house.

Speaker 9 You got to put a thing of garlic around his fucking.

Speaker 9 Fuck Alexa.

Speaker 9 Fuck out my house, bitch. That's exactly what I said.

Speaker 9 Okay, here we go. It was bad timing.
We both took a sip. All right.
Here's some questions. All right.
No, I tried to get some ethnically diverse ones so I can show you that I'm woke.

Speaker 9 How annoying is that to hear a white person say that, by the way? Are you married to a black woman, though? Huh? Yeah, but you know, once you're married that long, they're just a woman.

Speaker 9 You know, it's the same thing. You want to have cultural fights? Yeah, it's not like, you hold the fork like this, and I hold it like that.
Wow, there really is a difference. It's the same shit.

Speaker 9 Right, right, right. Like, can I finish up here in the bathroom before you try to steal the sink brushing your teeth? It's the exact same shit.
Right.

Speaker 9 It's only when you go out in public and everybody's like, What the fuck are you doing together?

Speaker 9 You fucking race trader. Yep.

Speaker 9 But when you're in the house, when you're in the house, huh? I love you. Well, you can have mine.
You can have mine. Whatever one I was supposed to be with, and I took yours.
There you go.

Speaker 9 And then one day we'll go on a double date like those two freaky fucking, was it the Yankees or the Indians? You ever hear about them that they swapped wives? No. There was two teammates.

Speaker 9 They went on a double date. And by the end of the date,

Speaker 9 They fucking realized, hey, man, we're like sort of like, you know, they probably sat at a four-top, boy, girl, girl, boy, girl, and I think they just sort of

Speaker 9 the dudes stopped talking to each other, the chicks stopped talking to each other. By the end of it,

Speaker 9 they agreed to switch, swap wives.

Speaker 9 To go forever? Yeah, and I think one of them made it and the other ones didn't. That's hilarious.
If the other one didn't, that'd be the funniest fight. You've ever anything these days, man.

Speaker 9 I should have stayed with the right fielder.

Speaker 9 Well, I know he's getting a better blow job than I am. Oh, this would be brutal.

Speaker 9 All right, here we go. So I tried to have some ethnically diverse.

Speaker 9 Okay, so we're going to start. This is a nice one that I feel like anybody of any sort of background, transgendered, anybody.

Speaker 9 This one's called Favorite Ozzy Osborne Guitarist. So this is right in your wheelhouse.
This is a fastball. I feel like you can jump on this one.
Why is this in my wheelhouse? It isn't.

Speaker 9 I'm being an asshole. I know you are.
Breaking Bad Bill. I'm watching a documentary on Ozzy that's four hours long and boozing while the girlfriend is out with her peers doing sex in the city shit.

Speaker 9 While Randy Rhodes always gets to me, especially during Mr. Crowley, none of this means anything to you.

Speaker 9 My favorite has always been Jake E. Lee.
I grew up on Bark at the Moon when I was a kid and still listen now and again to the last furious rips of Jake in the last minute of the song.

Speaker 9 I always felt he was underappreciated. Could not agree more.
Zach Wilde is all good, but it feels like he's using five pedals instead of showing pure skill.

Speaker 9 Well, you should have seen Zach Wild when he played with the Almond Brothers. That would have cured all of that shit for you.
More style than substance. I don't agree with that.

Speaker 9 What do you think, drummer boy? P.S. It was great to see you in Montreal last summer when it was your birthday.

Speaker 9 All right.

Speaker 9 What do you think, Harris? Just by the names alone, who would you think is the best guitarist? Would you go with Randy Rhodes, Jake E.

Speaker 10 Lee,

Speaker 9 or

Speaker 9 Zach Wilde?

Speaker 9 Probably Zach Wilde. Zach Wilde, why? Because it's wild.

Speaker 9 He goes crazy. I know you're going to jump on that.

Speaker 9 JK Lee, what does that sound like to you? Jakey Lee sounds like... Borderline Asian.
Yeah.

Speaker 9 Borderline Asian trying to fit into the culture. Okay.

Speaker 9 And Randy Rhodes? Randy Rhodes

Speaker 9 is a racist.

Speaker 9 He died in a plane crash, by the way. Oh.
Yeah, go easy here. This is like making fun of Tupac for a lot of white people.
Right, right. Oh, sorry.

Speaker 9 I don't know any of these people,

Speaker 9 listeners. I don't know any of these people.
I would never say that if i don't know well he did play in an all-white band so i mean your theory does work

Speaker 9 no i'm just

Speaker 9 uh no no it's a brutal story is uh he was on tour with uh ozzy ozzy left black sabbath okay and that would be

Speaker 9 that would be well whatever they had a fallen out he'd be like one of the well how do i relate to you here well it'd be like somebody in the wu-tang clan they leave and then they put out a solo album that's that's critical there right but wu-tang never really broke up right No, not really.

Speaker 9 I just haven't made another album. Okay.
Well, just say they broke up, and then all of a sudden,

Speaker 9 you know, one of those guys that's not old dirty bastard, a method man, ghost face killer, decides, I'm going to fucking put one out.

Speaker 9 You know, it's a very, it's a very

Speaker 9 precarious point in your career. Like, you don't get a second solo album if the first one bombs, especially if you, you know, came out in a super group.
So Black Sabbath thing was over.

Speaker 9 He was coming out on his fucking own, and he ended up meeting Randy Rhodes. And Randy Rhodes basically saved his fucking career.
So they go out on tour. He's destroying.

Speaker 9 He's like the new guy and everything. And they were in Florida.
And they pulled in, and the bus driver, wherever they were going to gas up the bus, there was also a little plane there.

Speaker 9 And this guy had a pilot's license, and he fucking got in the plane with Randy Rhodes, and he was fucking buzzing the bus, doing all of that shit. And his last pass.
clipped the bus

Speaker 9 and either flew into the house or into the barn.

Speaker 9 One or the other. other, and then that was it.
That's crazy. And that was it.
And you just said he sounded like a racist. I hope you're happy with that.
No, man. You know?

Speaker 9 Maybe if you shouldn't be Googling all your fucking porn, you could look up Randy Rhodes before you soiled his name.

Speaker 9 All right, here we go. Here's one that we can both

Speaker 9 jump on here. All right, girlfriend isn't very attractive, and I want to cheat.

Speaker 9 All right, I've been dating my girl for a year now, and I love the shit out of her, but goddamn if she isn't on the wrong side of the 10-point scale. Oh, my God.
What an asshole.

Speaker 9 You don't love her. No.
And why would you date her if she's ugly? If you think she's ugly, yeah.

Speaker 9 Yeah, you don't love this woman. No.
All right, we got it. It's not like there's anything wrong with her face.
She's just not really my type. Physically, personally, personally wise.
Does he eat food?

Speaker 9 Well, physically. Personal, personally, we jive.
He says personally wise. Personality wise.
Sorry. We jive like crazy.

Speaker 9 Jive. This guy's got to be like 50.
Yeah. It's like, dude, what do you look like?

Speaker 9 Does he eat food that he doesn't like too? Let's see. She's really pretty when I'm laying on top or next of her, but any other position, and I can't help but be disappointed in how overweight she is.

Speaker 9 Jesus Christ. This guy is a fucking monster.
Yeah, he sure is. On one hand, the sensation of being with thick girls really appeals to me.
On the other, my male gaze does not agree.

Speaker 9 Because of this, I found my thoughts wandering to other women and started flirting with them for seemingly no reason.

Speaker 9 I'm afraid I'm going to cheat, but I really think, all things considered, that I could marry this girl. This guy's all over the fucking map.
Yeah, he is.

Speaker 9 Breaking up with her for something so shallow would absolutely kill me, and it hurt the woman I love's heart for no reason. What should I do? Go see a therapist.

Speaker 9 Yeah, he's like oddly, like brutally honest.

Speaker 9 He's being brutally honest here. But he's all over, like, it makes no sense.
I like purple, but I don't like purple. Like,

Speaker 9 which is it?

Speaker 9 Pick the pros and cons.

Speaker 9 You know what it is? He made a very mature move where he actually fell in love with the person, and now I think that that's getting old. Yeah.
You know, there's no more surprises.

Speaker 9 Now he's just looking at her,

Speaker 9 and I think that that's what's going on. That's exactly what's going on.

Speaker 9 All right, now how can he, for Christmas, what gift can he give her that in a funny, loving way, can be like, you need to lose some weight or I'm going to cheat on you

Speaker 9 Sherry's Berry's

Speaker 9 there is no way

Speaker 9 there is no way like you know the end of an action movie where it's which wire do I clip right and they fucking take a guess yeah both of them blow up yeah all right Harris I got to put you on the spot how would you do it how would you tell the woman you love personality wise you guys jive as this guy says how the fuck would you tell her you're putting on too much weight?

Speaker 9 Well, if you know someone that long, then you go, bitch, you fat. You need to lose some weight.

Speaker 9 So you rip the band-aid off. Right, go, listen, you're getting a little overweight.
I had a boy, a friend of mine, who dumped his girl. He warned her before doing while they were dating.

Speaker 9 He said, if you get big, I'm out of here. She got big.
He was out of there. She tested him.

Speaker 9 She ate too much. She tested him, bro.
And he said that? Yeah, he said that to her. And he left her crying.
I told you. Exactly.
What did I say? I told you. Exactly.
Look in the mirror. Look.

Speaker 9 What did I say? You're 100 pounds bigger than you was when I said that shit. But here's the thing, though.
I actually, there is like a complete lack of respect for your partner if you let yourself go.

Speaker 9 Absolutely. There is.
Now, here's the thing. Unless, you know,

Speaker 9 you're sick or something. Or

Speaker 9 she was pregnant. She had a kid.

Speaker 9 Then fuck all of that. But before having kids, or if you're not having kids, all right, if you're sitting, a man or woman, if you're just sitting there, just becoming a fucking lard ass.
Exactly.

Speaker 9 What are they supposed to do? Exactly.

Speaker 9 You're putting a lot of pressure.

Speaker 9 Like Patrice said,

Speaker 9 however you look to get him, you have to somewhat maintain that.

Speaker 9 Otherwise, he's going to eventually... We're animals.

Speaker 9 And what I loved about Patrice is he could be that overweight in the crowd. They would never even think to say, like, well, what about you? Right, right, right.

Speaker 9 He would just be like, bitch, I've always been this size.

Speaker 9 Yeah, I don't know what, what should he do?

Speaker 9 Talk to her like he's talking to you on these EG. I would just say,

Speaker 9 I would put it on me.

Speaker 9 This is what I would do.

Speaker 9 If you really loved her, I'd put on 20 pounds myself and then just be like, listen, man, I got to get this weight off. You get diabetes?

Speaker 9 Yeah, if I loved her, I would put on 20 pounds myself and just say, listen, I got to get this weight off, but I can't do it on my own. I need you, okay? I've been weak lately.
I need you.

Speaker 9 And she'll be there for you and you take her out and walk and this is what you do

Speaker 9 you buy I wouldn't do that no I wouldn't I dump her no I wouldn't you buy his and her fucking matching workout fucking outfits walk just steer right into it just walk and be that couple that dresses the same right

Speaker 9 I know that's when it's just like that's either like whenever I see that that's like either they literally are soulmates, if you believe in that, or there's one person that needs to be rescued from that relationship because the other person, like, who's that guy in the NBA?

Speaker 9 What would Ric Flair do? What would Ric Flair do? Yeah. Oh, geez.
Well, he wouldn't be around long enough for her to get fat.

Speaker 9 He'd do the,

Speaker 9 when he came home from the road, when she fucking put on all that weight, he'd do the flair flop right in front of him

Speaker 9 and just turn around. Or he'd do the Henry Hill.
He'd just do that laugh. Remember that? And he goes, turns right back around and he gets, he gets back in the car.

Speaker 9 What kind of people are they? He gets back in the car with Joe Pesci. I think that's what he would do.

Speaker 9 This guy, I think he was trying to be, sometimes people try to be funny by being really blunt. I actually think this guy does really like this girl, but like,

Speaker 9 yeah, because I think if they start getting that fat before you had kids, you just start thinking like, oh, my God. Yeah.

Speaker 9 I don't want to be with a whale. No one wants to be with a.
No one wants to be a whale, and no one wants to be with a whale. Well, some guys like big women.

Speaker 9 Okay, all right. Okay.
But he doesn't, obviously. No, he likes, well, thick and

Speaker 9 fucking obese. My father had a best friend who wanted his woman as fat as she could be.

Speaker 9 Oh, he did? Yeah, he had a best friend.

Speaker 9 His wife was a fat motherfucker, too.

Speaker 9 What is that about?

Speaker 9 I don't, I think they like

Speaker 9 the figness of this is what's so weird. You know, maybe they want him them to just look adorable.
You know how adorable a baby looks with all those rolls of fat.

Speaker 9 They'll have like a roll of fat in the mid-forearm. You're just looking at it, like, what is that?

Speaker 9 What is that? I think they want that. They just want a big, a big, giant baby.

Speaker 9 I think it's a lot of, they like a lot of women.

Speaker 9 I like a lot of women, but as far as like, not fat, but like, let's say 6'5, 11,

Speaker 9 that's a lot of women, too. Yes, I understand what you're saying.
But it's not fat. Not fat.

Speaker 9 What's the biggest you will go? Give me height and weight. Let's break down your draft picks.
And in the first round of the big girl draft, Tara Stanton picks.

Speaker 9 Picks

Speaker 9 185-pound, six-foot, no, 5'1.

Speaker 9 How tall are you? I'm 6'2.5. 6'2.5, all right.
Yeah.

Speaker 9 So she has to. If you're going to weigh 200 pounds, you have to be 5'11 and better.

Speaker 9 Otherwise, you're just a fat bitch.

Speaker 9 You know, that's considered insensitive, but it's actually, there's an endearing thing where you're just being brutally honest. I mean, that's what your heart is saying.
Yes.

Speaker 9 It's saying you're a fat bitch. It's not being like, listen,

Speaker 9 your heart's doing all the work. Yeah.

Speaker 9 I would go

Speaker 9 whatever, because I'm 5'9, 3 quarters. I'm exactly Doug Flutiheight, not quite 5'10.
Big women with curves

Speaker 9 have a chance. Like if you still, you know, the fat women that are really fat, but you can still see the

Speaker 9 curvy. It was like a skinny woman, but fat.
Yeah. Like a high.
It's not a giant just sack of fucking fat.

Speaker 9 I would say 165.

Speaker 9 165. Because I'm about 175.
I don't want to throw me around the fucking room. What height is that?

Speaker 9 Like 5'5?

Speaker 9 Jesus. 5'6? That's big, yeah.
That's not that big. Depends on the, you know, depends on.
5'5, 160 pounds? She's got a nice ass on her.

Speaker 9 I don't like those cankles with the ankles running to the foot. You know what's weird?

Speaker 9 Is when they got fat feet and skinny toes. Oh, yeah.

Speaker 9 It's like someone was at the carnival where we just slammed the hammer down trying to win that prize and they hit him mid-feet. Right.
You ever heard Corey Holcomb's joke?

Speaker 9 Hey, fellas, you ever fucked him? That's a fucking underrated comedian. Absolutely.
He's not underrated in my fucking head, but he ever, hey, fellas,

Speaker 9 you ever fucked a fat girl with regular people legs he's like god damn i just fucked a hamburgler

Speaker 9 that's usually an alcoholic body

Speaker 9 there was a uh there was a guy that i used to work with who i found out recently died which wasn't a surprise he was like the biggest booze hound cokehead he was like six five oh wow it was funny man he was just big just like dude his legs were as skinny as mine and he would push his jeans down and just up top was all was just all booze and burgers and he did blow and uh

Speaker 9 and he had the little skinny it and then but he had like his arms and legs was like he never worked out in his life it was just skinny as shit and he just kept all of that stuff there he didn't i think he died of a heart attack that's it right there which is why going back to this guy it's just like that's another thing you have to look at going to be like i'm going to be a widower in my mid 50s yeah um there's got to be an exercise video just to get rid of your fat feet, or at least to fatten up your toes, right?

Speaker 9 You should get like

Speaker 9 the ass injections in your toes just to fucking even it out, you know?

Speaker 9 All right, here we go. Ladies get deprived, too.

Speaker 9 How are we doing on time? 57. Oh, good.
Killing it. We're right on schedule here.
All right, ladies get deprived, too.

Speaker 9 Dear Bill, I am a lady in my late 20s, and I need a male perspective on something that's too embarrassing to bring up with my friends.

Speaker 9 All right, on a good day, one might consider me quite easy easy on the eyes. I exercise every day.
I have a natural look, i.e., not trashy, 20 layers of makeup kind of gal.

Speaker 9 However, I always make a case of looking well put together, even at home. See, she gets it.
However, my husband's a fat fuck.

Speaker 9 Anyways, but for some reason,

Speaker 9 in the last year of my five-year marriage, my husband denies me sex.

Speaker 9 Even if I only want to service him, he knows I like to do it. Jesus.

Speaker 9 You don't even want to blowjob? Yeah, this is bad.

Speaker 9 Yeah, this is bad. This is when you've got to start taking off the police tape and getting out the blankets.
Dude, to take a blowjob from another dude.

Speaker 9 I don't know about that. All right.
On any given evening,

Speaker 9 he will be,

Speaker 9 it's not the mouth dude, it's the stubble. I think that that's what you couldn't get past.
I almost got you to do a spit take.

Speaker 9 On any given evening, he will be sitting on his desk working late, and if I try to initiate things by touching him and kissing his neck, he will say, sorry, babe, it's too late and I'm tired.

Speaker 9 Same goes for when we are in bed. It has gotten to the point where I just, you know what, I got this paranoid thing.
He's cheating like a motherfucker on her.

Speaker 9 Either that or he got replaced by a robot and they haven't worked out the genitals yet. Right, right.
Sorry, babe, it's too late and I'm tired.

Speaker 9 What's wrong with your voice?

Speaker 9 Same goes for when we are in bed. It's gotten to the point where I will try to approach him in lingerie, sit on his lap, and even go as far as begging for just five minutes, all without any success.

Speaker 9 This is one of these things. If it was a news story, I would shut it off because I don't want to see the fucking ending.
Here we go.

Speaker 9 What baffles me is that during normal day-to-day life, he will frequently grab my ass or tell me I'm hot. Wow.

Speaker 9 I also do the same for him as I know men like to feel manly around their lady. This woman's like a dream.
I don't know what this guy's problem is. The possibility of an affair.
Absolutely. I wonder.

Speaker 9 Okay, the possibility. She said she's, you know, she's easy on the eye.
She takes care of herself. Okay.
Yeah. I don't know.
I got a nice picture in my head.

Speaker 9 Anyways, the possibility of an affair is very unlikely, seeing as we both work on the same male-dominated company. That's not good.
And go home together.

Speaker 9 Also, he doesn't have a password in his phone. I think maybe he's gay, male-dominated.
I don't know. There's something wrong with him.

Speaker 9 Also, he doesn't have a password in his phone, which is another huge indication of nothing to hide. We have a very nice interaction.
I never nag him.

Speaker 9 If anything, he nags me. And we do cool stuff like play ball together or watch some Netflix.
Maybe his dick don't work no more. He don't want to tell her yet.

Speaker 9 Yeah, you need to sit down and talk to him. He's a very loving husband, except for the actual physical loving part.
I've tried to ask, but everything is fine.

Speaker 9 Everything is fine as in quote, as it appears. Bill, can you please let me know what the hell's going on? Aren't men supposed to be always in the mood?

Speaker 9 Uh, that's not true, but uh, generally speaking, yes. I am going crazy, and I'm starting to get aroused from the most ridiculous thing like men smiling at me or opening the door to me.

Speaker 9 Jesus, thank you. I really enjoy everything you're doing.
Contrary to what you think, you are very balanced and insightful in your opinions. Look at this.
I got to read that to my wife.

Speaker 9 Happy fucking holidays and go fucking, fuck yourself, one itching lady, itching to get fucked.

Speaker 9 Listen, I think you've been nice for long enough. Exactly, me.
You need to sit down and be like, look. Or leave him.
No, no, no. You got to have the conversation first.
But first, that's it first.

Speaker 9 What is going on?

Speaker 9 Because, you know, I'm about ready

Speaker 9 to jump on a rolling pin. Exactly.
What the fuck are you doing?

Speaker 9 You guys need to have a talk. Need to go on.
And I wouldn't.

Speaker 9 I would go nice. Because just in case it is some physical thing.
Yeah, you got to go nice first, yeah. Mm-hmm.

Speaker 9 But maybe

Speaker 9 he's addicted to online porn. That might be it.
Maybe he has a problem, man. But that definitely can't continue what they're doing.
They seem like they're around each other the whole time.

Speaker 9 I don't know what's going on.

Speaker 9 You have a lot of weird stuff. Yeah.

Speaker 9 All right. Need advice, quitting drinking.
So I guess our advice is I would sit down and talk to him. Absolutely.
You're not being a nag at all.

Speaker 9 If anything, you've been too nice.

Speaker 9 And

Speaker 9 I would just go easy just just in case it's something fucking

Speaker 9 problem. Yeah, like he got molested as a kid, and it finally came out.
Now he doesn't like to do it. Did they ever used to go at it like bunny rabbits? I don't know.
That's a good question.

Speaker 9 Did y'all ever used to have like a real healthy sexual relationship and just fell off a cliff? Or was it gradual?

Speaker 9 Yeah, I think once you have a kid, though, that just happens.

Speaker 9 The appeal of going to sleep is just fucking unbelievable. It's unbelievable.
And it's something if you do it together, like that's your sex. You know, like, oh, God, we're going to get eight hours.

Speaker 9 This is fucking awesome. All right.
Need advice, quitting drinking.

Speaker 9 I know you're

Speaker 9 I know you're at 100 something odd days now of no drinking. 116 days of not drinking.
I'm at a whopping day three, and this is my third attempt in the last two months to take some serious time off.

Speaker 9 Most of my attempt only lasts three or four days, max, because every Friday rolls around and I can't help but buy some booze. I want to quit because my problem is

Speaker 9 serious enough that I experience minor withdrawals like minor shakes. Oh, jeez.
Oh, wow. If I haven't had a drink in like 12 to 16 hours, meaning I'm physically dependent.

Speaker 9 Yeah, dude, this is a great reason to stop. It's not serious to the point where people notice I'm able to keep it under control, but drinking every day needs to stop.

Speaker 9 Yeah, you're what's known as the intelligent or alcoholic. So you can fucking, what I call you, you're a smart guy and you're booze and so you can play shit off and nobody notices.

Speaker 9 Whereas you're just a fucking moron, everyone's going to notice. Exactly.
My question for you is, how did you go about filling up the boredom that comes with being sober?

Speaker 9 Oh, what a great fucking question.

Speaker 9 I feel like I'm drinking, when I'm drinking, anything is fun, sitting on the couch for hours. It's so true.

Speaker 9 On end watching YouTube videos, but when I'm sober, I've got like 20 minutes tops before I'm bored with whatever I'm doing.

Speaker 9 Also, what was your problem? Was your problem ever bad enough that you felt withdrawals?

Speaker 9 I know how to taper pretty well at this point, but I have failed so many times. That if you know of any

Speaker 9 tapering tips or basically how to wean your way off, I guess, I'd love to hear them. P.S.
I've always missed the old overrated, underrated segment you used to do circa 2009-ish on the podcast.

Speaker 9 You should bring that back. We're actually bringing it back.

Speaker 9 All right, this week we'll bring it back. We'll keep doing it.
If you guys want to send it in, overrated, underrated.

Speaker 9 I find when I stop drinking, like

Speaker 9 when I stop, it's tough for like the first

Speaker 9 like six to ten days and what it is I'm more habit addicted like I just like if if I'm eating well like I'm addicted to going I want to get a salad if I'm eating like shit like if I eat McDonald's the next day I'm craving McDonald's if I'm drinking then I want to drink so it's basically I tried to be conscious of

Speaker 9 those thoughts in my head and just be like, try to get to the next morning going, tomorrow morning, what's going to make me happier? That I had a drink right now or that I didn't?

Speaker 9 And it was always that I didn't. So I would choose that.

Speaker 9 That's a good way. I used to do that at the Boston Comedy Club.

Speaker 9 I never really noticed you had a, like, I never really seen you drunk ever back in the day.

Speaker 9 Yeah, in the last

Speaker 9 15 years,

Speaker 9 I gradually just drank more and more and more and more and more.

Speaker 9 And then I just, I'm not an alcoholic, but at the amount that I drink, I absolutely am. But I'm one of those guys that can can shut it off, and like this guy just sits there.

Speaker 9 You don't have to like shows, you don't like I can do it. If I'm not performing, I I can I'll not have a drink, but if I'm performing, I I I need one or two.

Speaker 9 But I'm I'm I'm not an alcoholic by far, but I have other problems. I I my thing is like I uh

Speaker 9 if I'm doing something, I'm doing it.

Speaker 9 So

Speaker 9 the first thing I do when I sit down at a bar is I always order a double because I'm assuming that they're poor is. You sit down at the bar.
Do you go to the bar?

Speaker 9 Destination leaving your house is the bar? Or like, how does it go? Or is it after shows?

Speaker 9 Oh, by the summer, this summer, it was becoming like going to the liquor store, buying a bottle, and always like, I was on the road doing an acting gig, and I made sure I had a ball and I just wasn't, and I knew I was shutting it down.

Speaker 9 So I was just like, this is where it is, Bill. This is bad.

Speaker 9 Yeah, it got way,

Speaker 10 way,

Speaker 9 way worse than it ever, as far as like, what am I doing? I remember coming home from the set one night and being excited that the bar was still open and before I went in

Speaker 9 to where I was staying, but I was by myself. Right.
Oh, okay. And I ordered a double, sucked it down, and said, give me another double because I was sort of addicted to that

Speaker 9 crazy buzz and then going asleep, I think.

Speaker 9 I like it too, but it was something. And then the whole time wanting to stop or wanting to not do it as much.

Speaker 9 And that was the only time, it was the first time ever my wife brought it up, going, you know, you're really drinking a lot.

Speaker 9 And now you're going to snore and blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. And then one night I came down to bed.

Speaker 9 With a wife beat all, I can see. I know, I'm so embarrassed by this.
I came downstairs, and I actually was hiding the glass of booze on the other side of my leg when I was coming down the stairs.

Speaker 9 And I was just like, whoa,

Speaker 9 I'm that guy. Now, how soon before the bottle's in the back of the toilet? But

Speaker 9 I'm kind of too much of a control freak to make it happen like that. So, but I find like once I go 10 days,

Speaker 9 the way I'm wired, I could go

Speaker 9 in theory, I could go forever. Okay.
Because now it's just something I don't do. I'm just like,

Speaker 9 whatever it is that had its fucking claws in me, it only takes 10 days for how I'm chemically made up to just be like.

Speaker 9 Like right now, I'm 116 days in. I could easily go a year.
I could go two years. I could never drink again.
for the rest of my life. And you don't think about it anymore, like at the shows or.

Speaker 9 No, there's certain things that like makes me just wish I was still drinking.

Speaker 9 Like what did I see the other day that I was just like, oh man, I would love to do that. Like

Speaker 9 I saw some cool-looking bar and it was just like, man, I would love to go there at two in the afternoon and just get fucking drink until six, get fucking hammered. But now the way it plays out is.

Speaker 9 You would never flare, though. No, I would jump in the Uber and I would come home drunk to my daughter.
And I was like, ah can't have that on the resume no no no

Speaker 9 so

Speaker 9 that's over

Speaker 9 so my life also kind of I'm not telling this guy needs to have a kid so I would just say what you need to do is you got to push through that boredom and

Speaker 9 I but there's so much fun shit that you can actually fill that time up with that if there's stuff that you wanted to get good at like Like I've always been into music, like playing drums and playing guitar.

Speaker 9 If you do that instead or working out, like if at night, yeah, if at night you go out for a jog instead, and then this is another thing, this is another thing, too, about not drinking, is the fucking pounds just fall off you.

Speaker 9 Really? You know, as long as you don't substitute it with then, like, oh, I'm going to eat ice cream so I can get like a sugar rush.

Speaker 9 If you actually eat well and you don't booze, yeah, it just falls off you. It's got nowhere to hide.
So, um,

Speaker 9 I don't know, man, but it sounds like, you know, that the shakes and stuff, you're on another level than I was. So if I was you, I might even go to a meeting.
That's Borderline Intervention TV show.

Speaker 9 Would you get the shakes and shit? Yeah, a little bit. I would go to a meeting, just check out a meeting, just go down there, check it out, sit in the back,

Speaker 9 have a fucking donut, whatever the hell they do there, and just listen to these people's insane stories. It'll actually make you feel better about yourself.
You'll feel better about yourself, exactly.

Speaker 9 All right. Okay, here we go.
Overrated, underrated.

Speaker 9 Bringing this back. This is something

Speaker 9 this guy said, so we actually were going to do one this week. This is something I used to do way back in the day, 2009.
I used to do overrated, underrated. It was the thing of the week.

Speaker 9 Whatever you thought was overrated, whatever was underrated. All right, overrated Texas Hold'em.

Speaker 9 Underrated five-card stud.

Speaker 9 Now, here's the deal: I don't know shit about cards.

Speaker 9 Me neither.

Speaker 9 I don't know. You got to give me the explanation.
All right, that was a bad, that was a soft open. Yeah, I don't know anything about cards.
I never played cards.

Speaker 9 All right, what do you think is overrated right now?

Speaker 9 This topic? No, no, no. What I think is overrated right now on

Speaker 9 hip-hop.

Speaker 9 Really?

Speaker 9 Yeah, like

Speaker 9 the not having any words in your song and it being,

Speaker 9 quote-unquote, a classic or a hot song for this time. But 10 years down the road, this guy said nothing.
It was just

Speaker 9 beaten sounds. Oh, it's just beating.

Speaker 9 Like mumble rap. Like, they don't say anything.
Oh, everybody, yeah, everybody sounds like they're kind of like half in the back.

Speaker 9 Yeah, and there's no originality anymore, but people are still celebrating something that is less original than it used to be. Do you know how old you sound right now?

Speaker 9 People in your generation, it's gangster rap.

Speaker 9 But originality is not old. That's true.
Rest Universal. And they don't have any original.

Speaker 9 They're so unoriginal that their name's not even different. How many little rappers do we have?

Speaker 9 Little this, little that, little. You can't even name yourself an original name.
All right.

Speaker 9 When did hip-hop lose you

Speaker 9 uh probably the mid 2000s no late 2000s late 2000s uh like maybe 2011 12 on and up but not bad but not all you hung in there yeah but not all hip-hop like you got you got artists like eminem and nas who's still doing what they're supposed to do god

Speaker 9 you're doing like that's like migo you know zeppelin and acdc yeah going back like 20 years yeah but they those guys are still rapping those guys

Speaker 9 and they're still relevant and it's the words like you got you can't have a song with it's instrumental what about the who who's gonna get all the awards megos the me is it the megos i don't even know him any because i don't listen to them i don't even know i heard of him but i know people i know a lot of rappers name got little in it and that bugs me

Speaker 9 little oozy vert just change your name to original name little wayne was first and then everybody else is little

Speaker 9 remember Tupac and Biggie, they had their own names. No, it's original name.
Yeah,

Speaker 9 he went little because there was already a too short.

Speaker 9 Who is the little person there? And

Speaker 9 that fucking... God, what was that fucking...
I don't know, anybody. There was a guy, Bushwick Bill.

Speaker 9 Yeah, he was.

Speaker 9 No, he didn't even say little. No, he was Bushwick Bill.
He said where he was from. Well, you know, these millennials are sensitive.
Okay, I would say overrated being informed. is overrated.

Speaker 9 Absolutely. I am off social media as I don't read this shit anymore.
I post my shit on there, but I'm done. Like, oh, I fucking took a picture of this thing today.
This is the classic,

Speaker 9 classic. It's going to take forever to turn my phone on, so I'm just going to have to keep going.
Classic, fucking.

Speaker 9 Like a joke when you forgot the punchline, you just keep repeating the setup.

Speaker 9 Oh, yeah.

Speaker 9 Shit is crazy. Shit is crazy.
Shit is crazy. We used to say, we used to say when white comics were lost in their act, they'd look down and be like, yeah, yeah.
So

Speaker 9 what else is going on?

Speaker 9 Clap comics, shit is crazy. Yeah, shit is crazy out here.
Shit is crazy. Crazy.
But you're a good-looking crowd. Give yourselves a round of applause for coming out tonight.
Give it up for the ladies.

Speaker 9 Ladies, all the strong women in the crowd.

Speaker 9 They're always strong. Women are always strong.

Speaker 9 I used to do that so I wouldn't bomb early. Like in black rooms, I'll just go give it up for the ladies and compliment the crowd enough so they'll give me at least 30 more seconds not to boo me.

Speaker 9 What's the hardest room you ever did?

Speaker 9 Sweet Cheeks. Sweet Cheeks.
Back to Sweet Cheeks. It's not even, I don't even think it's like, it's just a fucking place to go get pick up $200.
What was it, $250 back then? Oh, yeah.

Speaker 9 That was literally like fighting Mike Tyson. He's just like, all right, if I can survive around,

Speaker 9 I get my fucking purse.

Speaker 9 All right. This is something that somebody tweeted today about that pipe bomb that went off in the Port Authority.

Speaker 9 I'm uninformed. When did this happen? Yeah,

Speaker 9 fortunately, nobody died. They said there was

Speaker 9 non-life-threatening injuries, but that doesn't mean somebody didn't lose an eye or fucking hearing or something.

Speaker 9 Bomb went off on 23rd Street right by Gotham Comedy Club, and they closed the street off. I thought you were going to do a joke.
So-and-so just got off stage. When I got there,

Speaker 9 the street was closed off, and I actually asked the cop, but I have told this guy I have a spot. I didn't give a fuck about

Speaker 9 I just wanted to do my spot. Well, this is what this fucking jerk off tweets about the Port Authority bum.

Speaker 9 He goes, I have no idea what's going on at the Port Authority, but it was chaotic, and I didn't stay to find out.

Speaker 9 So you have no idea what's going on, but we had to find out how you felt about what you didn't know was happening. Who gives a fuck what you did? These people down there hurt, you fucking asshole.

Speaker 9 This is what I can't stand. I'll be an old man here about young people now.
Nobody cares about every fucking thought in your stupid fucking head.

Speaker 9 Were you there? Did you see what happened? Do you have any information?

Speaker 9 I wish you guys could see me. I have no idea what's going on at Port Authority, but it was chaotic, and I didn't stay to find out.

Speaker 9 And then there's going to be a thousand fucking people going, so happy you're okay. Yeah, exactly.
People just wanted to, I didn't know so many people wanted to be known.

Speaker 9 No, all these fucking people, you know why all these fucking people on social media, it's like they have their own TV show and they're acting like celebrities, self-involved fucking celebrities, as opposed to cool ones like us.

Speaker 9 The one who has exercised the skill set. Sorry, sorry, all right.
Last one, here we go. How do I tell the truth?

Speaker 9 Hey, Bill, well, I've been thinking with my dick. I recently downloaded the popular hookup app, Tinder, and I've been using it to fish for some action with some college chicks in my area.

Speaker 9 I'm pretty good looking, and I'm not bad with chicks, so I've had moderate success. I recently found this one chick in my area who is,

Speaker 9 oh, pre-med.

Speaker 9 Is that all one word? P-R-E-M-E-D?

Speaker 9 No, they're behind. Okay, thank you.
I was like, I knew I was dumb. I didn't think I was that fucking dumb.

Speaker 9 You know what's funny? That fucking guy who said,

Speaker 9 the guy who I was telling this story about, like, you know, funny how, like, things going in and out of your ass, he just sent me a text. I fucking ran himself.

Speaker 9 I recently found this chick in my area who's pre-med. I really like spending time with her, and we have the same sense of humor and political beliefs, and she has an excellent body and face.

Speaker 9 In short, she's pretty close to my ideal girl. However, there's one problem: I'm in high school, and she has no idea.
Fucked, fuck this guy.

Speaker 9 Fuck this guy, dude. Dude, you're a legend.
You should be giving me advice. I have dodged most of her questions about the classes I take and where I couldn't dodge, I lied.
Oh, Jesus.

Speaker 9 We haven't done anything physically, but she made it clear she is interested in me. I'm in deep bill.
How do I tell her without her hating me? Do I have to tell her? Just fucking tell her.

Speaker 9 Just say, listen. I don't want to go to a physical level without fucking telling you the truth.
I'm still in high school. I really liked you.

Speaker 9 I would have told you sooner, but I was afraid you weren't going to like me. Just do that.
Put it out on the table. If she tells you to go fuck yourself, fine.

Speaker 9 But you've learned a very valuable lesson with women, which I wish somebody taught me way back in my teen years. Just tell them the truth.

Speaker 9 What are we doing? I want to fuck you. I have no intention of having a relationship with you.
Okay? Most will walk away, some won't.

Speaker 9 But you can literally leave your fucking car out in the front of your house and it will never be keyed. None of your shit will be lit on fire.
You gotta be honest, yeah. Yes.

Speaker 9 That's why when I see guys who

Speaker 9 honesty is always the best policy because you don't have to worry about people getting mad and doing crazy shit to you, dude, it works with cops too.

Speaker 9 Cops and women, nobody lies, gets lied to more than those two. And when you actually come with the truth, even if they don't like the truth, it kind of like you might not get a ticket.

Speaker 9 That's probably why Patrice fired that no one, no one, we didn't get in trouble because he was fucking honest about what happened. Dude, I'm gonna tell you, I fucking banged this U-turn, right?

Speaker 9 And Friday as I did it, this fucking cop got out of his car and as I'm pulling up and thinking, well, maybe he didn't see it and he's just coincidentally getting out.

Speaker 9 And he walks right up to my window. He goes, let me see your driver's license and registration.
I was like, ah, fuck.

Speaker 9 He goes, you know why I'm asking for that? And I was like, yeah. And he goes, why? I go, because I just made an illegal U-turn.
And he goes, why did you do that?

Speaker 9 I go, because I'm impatient, and I didn't want to wait in that line in there.

Speaker 9 And he just laughed and he goes, do you want me to give you,

Speaker 9 do you want me to give you a ticket? And I said, no, but I'm not going to lie to you.

Speaker 9 And he laughed again. He goes, all right, get out of here.
And I said, you're awesome. Right.
And that was it.

Speaker 9 Then other times I've told the truth and like all the way to the point, is this your current address? And I said, no. And the guy wrote me up for everything and my fucking address.

Speaker 9 And I was like, this motherfucker, you trying to get fucking cop of the month? That guy did that in Western New York. All right, we're out of time.

Speaker 9 Harris,

Speaker 9 so great to see you. You too.
Once again,

Speaker 9 your album. My comedy album is coming out.
It's out already. It's out right now on iTunes,

Speaker 9 Amazon, and Google Play, and anywhere else that you can get comedy.

Speaker 9 Anywhere else, yes. And the name of the album is Naive Innocence.
Okay. I almost said Google Alert is where you can get it.
Like, I don't know what the fuck anything is. All right.

Speaker 9 Thank you so much for stopping by. Thank you for being on the podcast.
Appreciate it. And everybody, I forgot to mention here, we got a couple of benefit stuff here.

Speaker 9 Santa Steve, the great Steve Simone and regular hero are raising money again this year for children fighting cancer and their families.

Speaker 9 That's worded really weird. They're fighting cancer and the families of the children fighting cancer.
Isn't that weird?

Speaker 9 They're raising money again this year for children fighting cancer and their families. These kids are fighting cancer and their own families.

Speaker 9 The children and their families fighting cancer. Monday morning podcast listeners helped raise 15 grand last month, and it had a huge impact on a lot of families.

Speaker 9 The stories are brutal and every bit helps. We're going to save you the fucking stories, okay? The goal this year is to raise 50 grand.
We're going to tweet a link. Thank you so much

Speaker 9 ahead of time if you got anything to give. And also, here's some dates I got coming up.

Speaker 9 I'm going to be at the Hard Rock Live in Hollywood, Florida, December 14th, December 16th, the Bob Carr Theater in Orlando, Florida. February 2nd, the Reno Ballroom, Reno, Nevada.

Speaker 9 February 20th, the Patrice O'Neill Comedy Benefit, the sixth annual. Makes a great Christmas gift.
Get a pair of tickets to that. Tickets have been going fast.

Speaker 9 It's a great benefit raising money for Patrice's mom and loved ones. Thank you guys so much.
Go fuck yourselves, and I'll check in on you on Thursday.

Speaker 11 What's up, everybody, and welcome back to the Anything Better podcast with your host, me, Paul Versey, over here in New York. We got Bill Burr over there out west.

Speaker 11 And today, we have an incredible guest, somebody that we're very excited to have. An amazing football player, amazing analyst.
Greg Olson is here. Thank you so much for being on the show, bud.

Speaker 10 Yeah, I appreciate you guys having me. It's great fun.

Speaker 8 Yeah, you're the first legit, like beyond legit guest we've ever had

Speaker 8 we went from knucklehead gamblers to uh a professional football player analyst i gotta tell you i love um

Speaker 8 the way you call a game i do you know and i really do believe that former players you know because you played the game your knowledge of the game and then you can go beyond like someone who may know has a broadcaster background as you understand beyond the like analytics cannot like measure like emotions in the game like when to go for something when not to when to I don't know I don't know it's just something that I've noticed when when I listen to you call the game so uh just wanted to say that before we started um

Speaker 9 absolutely

Speaker 11 yes uh I echo those sentiments because you uh yeah it's just something about like

Speaker 11 a player that like I kind of like when guys know what's going to happen like I like watching a game where they're like oh this play looks like this.

Speaker 11 I know some people don't like that, but I kind of like that to be like, oh, this guy knows what he's talking about, you know?

Speaker 11 No, and that's no offense to like, I like guys like Mike Torico and them, but like, I also like when they're like, you know, dude, this is going to happen.

Speaker 8 Yeah, but it's weird when it's a former player and they didn't have a good career and then they seem to know everything that was going on.

Speaker 8 It's just like, where the hell is this when you want the field?

Speaker 9 Well, so two different roles.

Speaker 10 So in the booth, two different roles, right? So the play-by-play guy, he's setting everything up. He's painting the picture.

Speaker 10 He's talking down to distance and score and remainders, and he's driving the ship in and out of commercial breaks. He's doing ad reads, he's pitching Bill Burr's new comedy special on Fox.

Speaker 10 You know, he's managing all of those things. And then obviously, as the color commentator, as the quote-unquote analyst,

Speaker 10 I believe our job is to not necessarily tell you what you're seeing.

Speaker 10 In today's day and age, cameras, instant replay, slow-mo, I mean, it's pretty clear what's happening. There's not a shot that these guys miss.

Speaker 10 Our job is to fill in all the blanks of like, why are you seeing this? Why is this the right decision? What is the coach considering? When are they going to use their timeouts?

Speaker 10 How is their run defense? Why do they struggle? Like, paint the picture for the audience and the viewer, the why.

Speaker 10 Fill in the gaps, because I think it's very easy to say, nice throw, nice catch.

Speaker 10 You know, really good run. Saquon Barkley's awesome.

Speaker 10 Those are very generic things.

Speaker 10 I think a lot of people can sit home, but filling in the gaps, painting the picture behind the curtain of the why, I think that's what viewers are really interested in now.

Speaker 10 The interest and the passion of football is at its all-time highest. And I think people are very, are much more educated than we used to give them credit for.
And we need to speak to them accordingly.

Speaker 8 Yeah, but we all have our fantasy teams now, so we all think that we're GMs.

Speaker 9 True.

Speaker 10 I'll tell you, fantasy football is a dangerous game, man. When I was a player, I'd have a game where we won, and I'm feeling good.

Speaker 10 I might only have three or four catches and you're you're in the grocery store checkout line and a woman behind you is like hey good win, but you killed I lost my fantasy because of you and you're like

Speaker 10 so like it's that shit's real now like that fantasy.

Speaker 9 That's what you have to say.

Speaker 8 You have to say this isn't real.

Speaker 10 In fans minds, it is all that matters.

Speaker 10 My kids who have like a hundred fantasy leagues with their friends outside of the Panthers who they watch as like the hometown team, they only watch the game if someone from their fantasy team is in it.

Speaker 8 That's why I never played because I didn't like that it went from I want this team to win to lose to now I'm just rooting for a guy to have nine catches or whatever the hell it is.

Speaker 8 You know,

Speaker 8 a lot of non-athlete people were like really into that type of thing, you know, and it rewards. I don't know.
Nerds are running the world right now, Craig. I don't know what to tell you.

Speaker 8 The Tesla guy, the Amazon guy, the Facebook guy, analytics. That's another thing that I hate.
Is when you used to make a bad choice, a decision as a coach, you had to sit there and take it.

Speaker 8 Now they can just be like, well, you know, the analytics told me to do that. It's like, well, then couldn't I have just done that if I just have a book that has, you know, the answers?

Speaker 8 You know what?

Speaker 10 I'm an analytics guy now, Bill. I'm an analytics guy.

Speaker 10 I not blanket across the board, like just put in your eyes and just go down the book, but it is the wave of the future for NFL football. And that's

Speaker 9 expound on that.

Speaker 8 When you say you're an analytics guy, it's just like, so all of this information of every game that's ever played, I guess, is crammed into a computer. It does the math.

Speaker 8 This is how they pick the spreads now, Paul. This is why we're getting our asses picked.

Speaker 8 And then it spits out,

Speaker 8 like,

Speaker 8 what's the difference between you.

Speaker 8 pro football player, played it all your life, and me, jackass, looking at analytics.

Speaker 10 Like, does your pro football background give you a better if it's just an answer am I looking at it too simplistically I think there's two I think it's a great con it's a great conversation that I love to have and we can go as deep as you want to here there's two elements to this right so analytics you know data acquisition data-based decision making is happening for me as I prepare to call a broadcast I get reams of information from all different data sites the days of how many yards does Philly throw for how many touchdown touchdown passes does Jalen Hurts have how many touchdown runs does Saquon have I have Philly this week so they're like top of mind those days are over like you are not studying box scores yards touchdowns are completely irrelevant if you're really trying to understand what makes a good a team good or bad struggling you know whatever there's so many more deep layers to it that comes from a lot of this data that's collected now like anything the data is only as good as your ability to interpret it right so as you as you start studying some of these charts and these graphs that are really getting into the weeds, we're not going to say it on the broadcast.

Speaker 10 We're not going to say that EPA per play and the yards per dropback. And we're not going to get into the real nerdy ins and outs of analytics on the broadcast, but it does shape storylines.

Speaker 10 If you want to start talking about the struggles of the Philadelphia Eagles, instead of just saying they stink, they can't score, fire everybody.

Speaker 10 Well, let's really dive into why is this team different? Well, you start looking at their average first-down yardage. Well, what does first-down struggles do? Put you into second and pass.

Speaker 10 are they a good downfield passing team and you start layering in elements and you say okay maybe this is why the formula is broken let's have that conversation on air and how do they fix it that's a lot more interesting of a conversation than just saying hey they're they're scoring seven less points a game well

Speaker 10 Why? So that's part of it. The in-game decision-making, that's the stuff that everyone is really hot on.

Speaker 10 You know, Andy Reid the other night on Sunday night, he goes for it on fourth and one in a 10-10 game on his own 30-yard line, fails. Houston scores a touchdown.

Speaker 10 Those are the hot-button topics that generate a ton of conversation. Fourth down tries, two-point conversions.
That's really where the bulk of the quote-unquote analytics pushback comes from. And

Speaker 10 the notion that it's just a book that's a blanket, it's the same for me as it would be for you as you.

Speaker 10 All the context that people argue is not being taken into consideration is being taken into consideration.

Speaker 10 Again, each team has access to all the same data points for 25 years of tracking over general times, but then their team of analysts, their team in-house boils that down with, how is my offensive line?

Speaker 10 How is my defense? How is my quarterback? Is my running back hurt? And then you tailor make those decisions to you. Then when you get into the game, they're non-emotional decisions, right?

Speaker 10 I don't sometimes hit 16 and sometimes stay. I hit it and I hit it and I bust and I bust, but I still hit it.
It's the same idea, right?

Speaker 10 It's the idea of taking emotion out of very critical moments in the game and let's say, this doesn't guarantee it's the right end result, but it is the right formula of decision making that over long periods of time does tilt the game in my favor, even if it didn't tilt the game in my favor in this moment.

Speaker 8 That's really interesting. So if you if you so it does you still have to have like football knowledge to then dissect and analyze the analytics.

Speaker 8 I would look at that as far as like being a stand-up comedian. Some big story happens in the news and the general, you know, middle-of-the-pack comedians all kind of have the same angle.

Speaker 8 But like the great ones that, you know, I'm a fan of, they can do a topic. Like I always feel like a great comedian can do a topic.

Speaker 8 Everyone's mulched and not only have a whole new angle, but like it's like fresh. So it seems like it's like that.

Speaker 10 Yeah, you could give me your stand. You said you have a show tonight.

Speaker 10 You could print me right now, your stand-up or team, and I'll fly to California and I could stand up on the stage and verbatim say the exact same words you say.

Speaker 10 It's not nearly as funny without your delivery, without your tone, without your mannerisms, without your timing, right? There's an art to it. It's no different than football, right?

Speaker 10 Like there is an art behind all of this. There is an expertise.
There is an instinct, but it is not a gut in the moment emotional reaction that everyone wants it to be, right?

Speaker 10 Like we, momentum and all the things. It's all bullshit.

Speaker 8 Right, Craig.

Speaker 8 Momentum is bullshit.

Speaker 11 The question that I have, though, is like

Speaker 11 Dan Campbell is somebody I have a problem. We'll come back to that.

Speaker 9 We'll come back to that.

Speaker 11 Yeah, Dan Campbell is somebody I have a problem with because I think that whether you have the game plan and the blueprint of the game or not, in my opinion, what he did in San Francisco cost him going to the Super Bowl, In my opinion, I called that game.

Speaker 9 Oh, okay, yeah.

Speaker 11 Like that to me, and then to see him do it the other night five times and go 0 for 5 and still go.

Speaker 11 I mean, I'm sitting here going like, I mean, I know, listen, I'm a stand-up comedian. I don't know shit.

Speaker 11 I can't coach like that guy can coach, but I'm going to take the points when I need to take the points and stay ahead, either two possessions or three possessions, which he could have done in San Francisco.

Speaker 11 And then I don't like the idea of, well, that's what we did the regular season and that's what got us here.

Speaker 11 But it's like, yeah, but it's, and maybe I'm nuts, but it's like, it's not the regular season. This is to go to the Super Bowl and go get those points.

Speaker 11 To also, another thing that analytics does not take into consideration is how momentum with the crowd. Everybody knows that when a defense gets a fourth down stop at home, people are going crazy.

Speaker 11 People are losing their shit going, yeah, we stopped them. And then that's going to make the next unit come out gassed up.

Speaker 11 So I feel like guys like Dan Campbell, I don't know if he can't help himself, but I think if that doesn't change, the Lions are in trouble.

Speaker 10 All right, so a lot to unpack there, and I love these conversations. Let's just talk, let's talk last week's Thursday night game because it was Detroit versus Dallas.

Speaker 8 Yep.

Speaker 10 Neither team could stop anybody. It was fireworks, right? The offenses were awesome.

Speaker 10 At the end of that, towards the end of the fourth quarter, I don't know off the top of my head how much time was left, but the back half of the fourth quarter,

Speaker 10 Dallas had the ball inside the 10-yard line.

Speaker 10 It was like fourth and three,

Speaker 10 and they were down 10 points.

Speaker 10 And they kicked a field goal

Speaker 10 to go down seven.

Speaker 10 So they made it, right? This notion that it's a one-score game. We're so excited that it's a one-score game.
We're so motivated. The momentum is in my favor.

Speaker 10 I don't know if you guys watch the game, but do you know what happened the next possession that Detroit got the ball? So Dallas makes it 10 to 7. It goes from a 10 point to a 7 point.

Speaker 10 They come off the field saying, great job. We're only down one score.
Kick off. Detroit comes on offense.
So Dallas, it has all the momentum. The game is solely there for the taking.

Speaker 10 You know what Detroit did on the next drive? Scored?

Speaker 10 They went the entire length of the field and went up 14.

Speaker 10 So

Speaker 10 my point of saying all of this, and there's a million examples of all of this, right? Like I'm not suggesting that guys don't feel momentum.

Speaker 10 Emotion is still a huge element of sports and it's a huge element of football, right? There's an energy.

Speaker 10 I'm not saying guys don't feel it. I felt it.
There were games where you could throw the ball behind my head and like you just you're in the flow, right?

Speaker 10 There's, I would argue it's confidence, it's a mindset, right? That's real for athletic. There's days where I'm sure you guys stand up on stage and man, it just comes out exactly the way you imagine.

Speaker 10 And I'm sure there's other days where like your timing's off and it didn't land the way and you just felt, you feel uncomfortable. But in a game like football, those feelings are real.

Speaker 10 I'm not discounting how guys on the sideline in their brain imagine. All I'm saying is it doesn't impact the game.
You feeling moment, right?

Speaker 10 Like how many times have we heard on a broadcast, this team has all the momentum and then they go three and out. Or this team just got all the momentum and they fumble, right?

Speaker 8 I feel like it doesn't happen. I feel like all of a sudden the wheels fall off and everybody just

Speaker 9 get them back. But I don't

Speaker 11 play the game the way you do

Speaker 10 yeah i mean i i again we the game that spurred a lot of conversation from a couple weeks ago was philly versus um

Speaker 10 chicago

Speaker 10 and it was the whole thing about going for two and they were down 15 and i'm not going to get into all that

Speaker 10 but that game

Speaker 10 philly

Speaker 10 at the end of the game when they when siriani went for two to try to make it to cut the lead they were down 15 he tried to make it seven he went for two and failed. It stayed at nine.

Speaker 10 They just went on an 85-yard touchdown drive. Who has all the momentum?

Speaker 8 Well, if you missed the two-point conversion, the other team does.

Speaker 10 But you just scored the touchdown, so who had the momentum? After the 82-yard touchdown drive, who had the momentum?

Speaker 8 The Eagles did until they went for the stupid two-point conversion, and then they missed it, and then the other fans get excited.

Speaker 10 It's just, it's irrelevant. All I'm saying is, it feels like math

Speaker 10 No, it's not math.

Speaker 9 It's the argument of

Speaker 10 the argument is the game takes ebbs and flows naturally, regardless of how you feel.

Speaker 11 Greg, I feel like you could be, honestly, I feel like you could be and should be an NFL head coach because you just have that demeanor.

Speaker 11 But I got to ask you a question real quick, and I know fans are going to be.

Speaker 10 I want to talk about Dan Campbell, though. Go ahead.

Speaker 11 The one thing I wanted to ask you, though,

Speaker 11 when you're calling a game and you see a a call that is just so egregiously wrong,

Speaker 11 are you guys kind of told, like, hey, you could mention it, but don't go so hard with it? Or do you have free reign to be like, that's the worst thing I've ever seen?

Speaker 10 I've never gotten a call from Fox in five years ever telling me to tone down my evaluation, my assessment,

Speaker 10 good, bad referees, coaches. Now, I will say,

Speaker 10 my personality and just who I am, I am not like a shit on people guy.

Speaker 10 Quarterback's having a bad day. I got to say, hey, that's a throw you got to make.
He's late with his eyes, his feet, whatever. You have to be honest or else

Speaker 10 you lose the trust of the audience that you can have perspective, right? Sure. Coaches, decisions.

Speaker 10 I always say, like, you can be critical of decisions. You don't like the decision? Great.
Everyone has their opinion. You don't like, you know, he's late with his footwork.

Speaker 10 He drops a ball, bad, whatever it is. Those are totally fair fair criticisms.

Speaker 10 As long as you don't get personal, right? Like, that's my one rule is like, there's no personal attacks, right? You're not lazy, you're not a dog, you're not.

Speaker 10 These guys are high-level professional athletes, and they deserve to be spoken about in a certain sense. Same thing with the referees.
Because they make, there's bad calls made all the time.

Speaker 10 I don't envy the position of NFL referees. I think NFL officiating is actually better than it's ever been.
I think as a viewer, we have insight and access to views and pictures and replays and angles

Speaker 10 that didn't exist 10 years ago, let alone 20 years ago. So this idea that more calls are missed, I would argue the game has gotten so complicated, so fast, so

Speaker 10 just the notion that these guys can get anything right, I feel like is pretty impressive. And I think the calls are no different.

Speaker 10 We just didn't know if the guy false started by half of a millisecond because the the camera didn't pick it up 10 years ago.

Speaker 10 We didn't know if that guy's face mask grabbed his jersey collar or his pinky grabbed the face mask because now we have like 9D zoom in extra.

Speaker 10 It's just a different experience for the viewer right now, and we have more information than ever before.

Speaker 8 All right, I got one for you real quick before you do, Dan Campbell. My opinion on the two-point conversion that drives me nuts is the team goes, you know, is first in gold,

Speaker 8 don't get it, second in goal, don't get it, third in goal, don't get it, go for it on fourth down, score a touchdown, and then everybody goes, go for two.

Speaker 8 It's like, because it's only two points, people aren't looking like, dude, you have to score another touchdown to only get two.

Speaker 8 And it just took you four downs.

Speaker 8 They stopped you three times. It took you four times to get that ball across the goal line.

Speaker 8 Now you're looking at because it's only a two-point conversion, you're now going to, you have to score back-to-back touchdowns is what a two-point conversion is, but you only get six points for the touchdown, two points for, so people look at it like it's they equate the amount of points to the difficulty of it.

Speaker 8 And I feel like in the first quarter, why are you going for two points? Just get the extra point.

Speaker 8 And the amount of times that they missed two two-point conversions and then hit the third one, it's like you could have just kicked three extra points or you could have just kicked two extra points.

Speaker 9 You end up where you would have been.

Speaker 8 I think the two-point conversion is overrated.

Speaker 10 Well,

Speaker 10 two-point conversions have really become an end-of-game

Speaker 10 strategy, possessions, trying to chip back, typically for teams, either trying to extend leads to two-score games or cut into a deficit, right?

Speaker 10 We don't see a ton of teams in the early first three quarters of the game. There was a time years ago where guys were toying with it.
Pittsburgh started doing it.

Speaker 10 Everyone, for the most part, now is kicking extra points. The only time you'll see an early two-point try

Speaker 10 is we actually had it in our Buffalo Bengals game. Josh Allen threw a fourth down touchdown pass.
He got roughed. Like they caught it.
He got personal foul.

Speaker 10 They elected to have the penalty enforced on the point after try, which now instead of going for two from the two, you go from two from the one-yard line.

Speaker 10 Nine out of ten times, every NFL coach is going to say, from the one-yard line, I'll take my odds of getting one yard to get two points as opposed to kicking a chip-shot field goal.

Speaker 10 Outside of that, typically two-point conversions are coming at the end of the game, like it did in the Bears-Philly game, where you're down 15, you're down 14, and you're trying, the idea is to try to win the game in regulation, maximize your possessions.

Speaker 10 That's a longer conversation. But that's typically, right now, the NFL average on two-point conversions is about 45%.

Speaker 10 It ranges any given year, 43, maybe to 48. It is less than a coin flip to get a two-point try.
Because remember, if it was 52%,

Speaker 10 I mean, you guys are gamblers and we all like, you play the odds over long periods of time. If it was 50%, if people could figure out how to make a two-point try over 50%,

Speaker 10 they would do it every time.

Speaker 8 I think I just watched the game emotionally because I feel like everybody

Speaker 8 put two points in the third quarter, and I'm calling him up going, what the fuck are they doing? Kick the goddamn John Madden, take the points.

Speaker 8 I must be

Speaker 10 emotional.

Speaker 8 I think it's the usual, my usual problem, Paul.

Speaker 9 I'm too emotional.

Speaker 8 Bill, you emotional? No.

Speaker 10 Remember, emotion drives all of this.

Speaker 10 And it's real. I don't just, I'm emotional.
Like, when I'm coaching a game or playing in a game, I am highly emotional.

Speaker 10 I am a very intense, competitive, emotional person, whether I'm coaching my daughter's basketball team or I'm playing in the Super Bowl. Like, that's just my personality.

Speaker 10 So I don't shit on people being emotional. I believe people that don't have a fire and don't have that,

Speaker 10 I don't relate, I can't process how those people operate and everyone to each their own. That's not me personally.

Speaker 10 So this whole embracing, this non-emotional decision making is me taking a step back and saying, okay, if I was an NFL head coach, knowing how I would be on an NFL sideline, which is highly intense, high feedback frequency, a lot of energy, a lot of emotion.

Speaker 10 Do I want to make critical decisions in that mindset?

Speaker 10 Us all sitting here nice and calm, we'd say, of course you don't want to.

Speaker 10 You don't want to make your, you don't, Dan Campbell is a very emotional person. He's a very, he's a very heart on his sleeve.

Speaker 10 And that's why the guys love him because he's so real, right? He doesn't hide behind this like fake bullshit facade. Right.

Speaker 10 So he's saying to myself, do I want to make these rash, emotional decisions based on how I feel? No, that's not in the team's best interest.

Speaker 10 He has made a clear moment from the time he took that job. They are going to play a very clear brand of football.
He was an early adopter of this mentality.

Speaker 10 They have won as many, if not more, games than virtually the entire league, maybe with the exception of Kansas City and Philly over the last couple of years. It has been a highly productive mentality.

Speaker 10 It bit him in the ass in the playoffs that year. I called that game.
I was in the booth talking over those fourth down failures. He stood up at the podium, virtually in tears, and he ate it.

Speaker 10 And he stood up there with a, and

Speaker 10 emotion is why people don't do it. Because I don't want to stand up on the post-game podium and say, you're the reason, Greg Olson, we lost.

Speaker 10 It's easier for me as the coach to say, we should have made the kick. We need to play better defense.
We didn't execute. It wasn't our day.
All this bullshit

Speaker 10 instead of I'm the head coach and that decision, yeah, it didn't work, but I would do it again. That is very hard to do,

Speaker 10 but I commend the guys that do it.

Speaker 11 I get that, but if, and this is football-wise, forget emotion.

Speaker 11 If he kicks the field goal to go up 17, instead of go for it there and keep it a 14-point game, and then San Francisco came down and then made it a seven-point game, if he still keeps it a three-point thing, a three-possession thing, isn't that just mathematically their chances of winning that game?

Speaker 8 You also also just made the assumption that they're automatically going to make the kick. I mean, it was like, you know, I'm not saying.

Speaker 11 One was from like the 28, wasn't it?

Speaker 10 Or the 30? I'd have to go back and pull up what I know. There was three of them.
There were three critical fourth downs. Two were dropped.
And I don't remember the other one.

Speaker 10 Off the top of my head, I couldn't tell you what the down, what the yard line was or what the score was.

Speaker 10 I wish I could. I just can't, I don't know exactly.
But of course, I remember the moments of the game really well. But

Speaker 10 the notion that I'm going to play one style of football and then I'm going to just arbitrarily,

Speaker 10 I always think the best that people can relate it to is everybody has sat at a blackjack table, right?

Speaker 10 Like, and I know this is probably oversimplifying it because football is not just a deck of cards already predetermined. So like there is some nuance to football and I'm not suggesting otherwise.

Speaker 10 But just from an emotional standpoint, we've all had 10 up on the dealer, face card, and in your mind, you know it's 20 20 and you got fucking 16

Speaker 10 and it takes every ounce of of commitment and consistency to keep taking that card and then he flips over and he had a five and he flipped right and now you just become now you're just guessing right so you all of a sudden now just put everything to luck and listen we've all sat at the table where the asshole stays on 16 and he wins Does it mean it was the right decision?

Speaker 10 We all know it's not.

Speaker 8 I've always been been intimidated to go to a blackjack table because I don't know the rules. And it's just like, you feel everybody, you're taking my cards.
What are you doing? And blah, blah, blah.

Speaker 8 And all of this.

Speaker 8 None of any of it watching makes sense. Like, I'm not taking your cards.
They're not yours. You don't know.
No, we don't know what card is coming.

Speaker 8 You should have made it, and then I would have got that card. All of that.

Speaker 10 But why do we say it? But, Bill, why do we feel? We feel that. It's a wrong.
We feel that emotion.

Speaker 10 We feel like the deck is flipped we feel like you screwed me because you didn't split your eights or whatever

Speaker 10 but you're arguing it's not you're arguing it's bullshit and i'm saying i agree with you

Speaker 8 no no i i no i'm saying i am i

Speaker 8 like how do you learn how to play blackjack you sit down and there's like four degenerates next to you just huffing and puffing about everything you're doing it's just like didn't didn't you ever not know what you were doing so i i i you know

Speaker 9 I stay away from that shit. I always play the craps.

Speaker 8 I like crap table.

Speaker 10 The reality is, and today's modern NFL, this is the last point I'll make about it. We can talk about whatever you guys want.

Speaker 9 Yeah, then we got to get into this all day.

Speaker 10 I can talk about this all day.

Speaker 10 The reality, more often than not, again, there's always outliers to everything. There is a game where I could kick five field goals and beat you 15 to 10.

Speaker 10 And me taking the points, which I, that phrase drives me insane, taking the points, it worked out for me, right you could say it about the other night's game the Monday night game the chargers scored one touchdown on the opening possession of the game they scored a touchdown

Speaker 10 against Philly

Speaker 10 and They proceeded to kick nothing but field goals the entire rest of the game and they won in overtime

Speaker 10 So they took the points and they won they won because

Speaker 10 that Jalen Hurts threw four interceptions. Yeah.

Speaker 10 So when you make these decisions, you have to make these decisions based off what I call like neutral possession games. I cannot game plan that I'm going to return a punt for a touchdown.

Speaker 10 I cannot game plan and say I'm going to get a strip, sack, fumble, return for a touch. You can't prepare the game strategy like all these one-offs are going to happen.
If they do, great.

Speaker 10 And I will adjust accordingly as the game unfolds. That's the job of a great head coach is to evaluate the moments of the game as they happen.

Speaker 10 but i can't plan that jalen hurts is going to throw four picks he threw three picks over 12 games yeah that's the difference between coaching and gambling correct because that's what we do he's gonna throw a pick so like that i'm throwing a special teams touchdown here paul what about you got a feeling you got a feeling so that's where all these so the general rule of thumb is field goals are going to get you beat now does that mean it's always going to get you beat Of course not.

Speaker 10 There's no certainties in any of this.

Speaker 10 If people had certainties, no one would ever lose.

Speaker 8 I would love to hear what Adam Vinatari thinks about field goals are going to lose you.

Speaker 10 50-yard field goals are great.

Speaker 10 He's got four rings. Nope.
Here's where field goals matter. End of game, end of half, fourth and long, and 45 yards plus.

Speaker 8 See, I agree with that 100%.

Speaker 11 And listen, I'm all for going for fourth and one or fourth and one and a half. But when these guys are going fourth and four, and it's a 40-yarder, that's what I'm saying, too.

Speaker 11 Like, I'm looking at like more yardage.

Speaker 11 so what do you consider like if you see a coach uh greg if you see a coach go for it on fourth and five and it would be a 47 yarder do you think that that's a silly move if it's not those situations you just again how much time there's so many factors right how much time is remaining am i winning or losing does this make it a now if i'm up if i'm up eight and there's three and a half minutes to go, of course I'm going to kick the field goal.

Speaker 10 I'm going to go up 11 and with two and a half minutes, barring you recovering an on-site kick, you're not going to to have enough possessions to beat me, right?

Speaker 10 So there's a math in all of this where it comes down to how many times most likely will you possess the ball? And in those possessions, do you have enough to catch me?

Speaker 10 If I don't think you have two possessions left, being up two possessions is great.

Speaker 10 Going up two possessions with nine and a half minutes to go is much different than going up two possessions with two minutes to go.

Speaker 10 Because you just virtually don't have the amount of time. So there's a lot of elements to this.

Speaker 10 If I was goal to go situation, unless it was end of half, game winner, fourth and goal, am I kicking a field goal?

Speaker 9 Okay. Because now, again,

Speaker 10 I have fourth and goal from the five-yard line, right?

Speaker 10 And I don't get it. You now possess the ball on your five-yard line.
Right. If I have the ball in the five-yard line, I'm trying to get a touchdown.
That's ultimately the greatest part of all of this.

Speaker 10 But let's say I kick a field goal. I got three points and you now get the ball at the 35-yard 35-yard line.

Speaker 10 So, for me getting three points, I gave you 30 yards from the five to, let's call it the 35 with the new kickoff rule. You got 30 yards for doing nothing.

Speaker 8 Yeah. I hate how wrong I was about all of this.

Speaker 10 Again, it's not wrong. It's not right or wrong.

Speaker 9 Remember, this new kickoff rule is brand new.

Speaker 10 Remember, the kickoff rule. Remember, the kickoff rule is brand new.
Teams are still trying to figure out how to kick it, where to kick it, how to kick it off.

Speaker 8 They won't kick it out of the end zone now. Everybody does like a little pooch kick.

Speaker 10 Well, because you kick it into the end zone, you give your opponent the ball at the 35-yard line. You get

Speaker 8 35.

Speaker 9 Because they want it.

Speaker 8 It sells the fucking game. This is what drives me nuts.
There's no like monsters of the midway anymore. It's like nobody can stop anybody.

Speaker 8 I remember a few years ago, I'm going to go on a fucking rant here. That fucking Bills Chiefs game was one of the worst fucking games I've ever seen in my life.
It was like 57, 56.

Speaker 8 Everybody's up and down the fucking field. And there wasn't one tackle in the whole game.

Speaker 10 20 seconds left.

Speaker 8 It's like, what am I watching? This is like a fucking video game. And my feeling is that

Speaker 8 they've reached maximum density on the fucking real football fan. The casual fan they got.
Taylor Swift, they got to get her to the Super Bowl. So all the Swifties are watching.

Speaker 8 Then they call off the dogs and they let them play and you get a shit game, right? I mean, I just feel like all of these, like the

Speaker 8 hockey, they get rid of the red line, the stupid stretch pass. You want to sit behind the goaltender now because

Speaker 8 you're doing this, like you're at Wimbledon.

Speaker 8 I don't know. I just feel like every game now, they're trying to like juice up the ball, make the stadium smaller, try to, like, you know, I mean,

Speaker 9 plenty of time.

Speaker 8 There's plenty of time left. You're like, what the fuck are they talking about? This game is over.
And then there's like three more scores.

Speaker 8 I just feel like it's marked.

Speaker 8 That's what they want i feel like the pre-vent defense was invented not by coaches it was invented in the marketing department of the nfl to make sure no game is over it it drives me insane it drives me insane like i can't you should get season tickets to the houston texans you would love them that's what i was gonna say that their defense is nasty dude their defense is unbelievable the defense is unbelievable

Speaker 10 like this

Speaker 8 playing belichek ball wins 17 10 19 19-17. They're playing like that.
I love how they're playing. I like to see great offense.
I also want to see great defense.

Speaker 8 I just, you know, this up and down and up and down, and everybody turns into Joe Montana. You got some scrub coming off the sideline running the two-minute offense like he's fucking John Elway.

Speaker 9 It's stupid.

Speaker 8 It's not, there's something, whatever.

Speaker 9 I don't know. I don't know.
Well, listen.

Speaker 8 Let people start it doing this.

Speaker 10 Here's the experiment.

Speaker 8 Everybody turns into a Hall of of Fame quarterback with two minutes left.

Speaker 10 All right, we're going to do an experiment. Bill, I'm going to get you, and you're going to come do a game with me in the booth, and it's going to be 10-7 in the

Speaker 10 13-6 in the fourth quarter, and I'm going to be holding you from jumping out of the window if you got to talk over that for three hours.

Speaker 9 There's a lot more.

Speaker 10 There's a lot more. I'm just talking about from a broadcast perspective.

Speaker 8 I'm not going to ask you to go any further into that.

Speaker 8 That is the rain delay of football, 13-7.

Speaker 11 Well, let's tell Greg the real reason why he's here. Greg, the real reason why he's here is because I need you to coach the Giants.
I'm a diehard Giants fan.

Speaker 11 Let's get you to New York. Come on, man.

Speaker 11 Listen, you have Dart. You'll have a healthy neighbors.
You'll have a healthy Scatterboo. You got a nice defensive line.
We'll draft a, you got a night, maybe first round pick.

Speaker 11 You draft a defensive back. You got a good team there, Greg.

Speaker 10 You want to hear a great story? Yes. So, a couple of years ago, the hiring cycle where

Speaker 10 they hired Dayball,

Speaker 10 this was probably like a week or two before they officially announced that they hired Dayball. My wife and I are in New York City and we're having dinner at the polo bar.

Speaker 10 And we're sitting in the in the base, you know, in the basement there. It's an awesome spot in New York and we're with another, with two of our friends and we're having a nice dinner.

Speaker 10 And there was a couple next to us. And, you know, you're having drinks and we're having fun.

Speaker 10 And, you know, we're, we're living, you know, we're having a good, good off-season dinner you know what i'm saying

Speaker 10 and over the course of the dinner we start talking to this couple next to us it turns out it's tish the owner of the giants yeah

Speaker 10 so i've probably had a couple old fashions and we start out just like how's the hiring going and we start like getting like a nice conversation about the process of hiring a head coach Well, like an hour and a half goes by.

Speaker 10 I don't know. I guess I had a couple more old fashions in me by the end.
And next thing you know, I went on like a 20-minute like like job interview.

Speaker 10 That's fucking and I'm like, I'm literally sitting three feet from him in this restaurant.

Speaker 10 And I'm, and I'm getting like, like this, I'm like getting progressively more like emotional and like excited.

Speaker 10 And I'm like selling this idea that he should hire me because we sat next to each other in the polo bar.

Speaker 10 So long story short, the next morning I wake up and my wife's like, and I was like, Carol, did I pitch myself to the owner of the Giants? She's like, yeah. I was like, do you think he bought it?

Speaker 10 Like, how did I do?

Speaker 10 So I've, in my mind, I've, I've interviewed for one head coaching job unofficially. I didn't get it, but it was with the Giants.

Speaker 10 Uh-oh, that's it.

Speaker 8 Next one you do, you'll be sober.

Speaker 9 You know what I mean?

Speaker 9 Maybe I'll get it.

Speaker 8 Dude, instead of being half in the bag. Hey, Paul, we're going to run out of time here.

Speaker 8 Let's make sure we, I want to talk to you about something that I'm getting into because my kids are like starting to play organized sports and everything.

Speaker 11 Yes, please talk about that.

Speaker 8 And there's a part of me maybe wants to coach a little bit, but I'm like, what do I know? Obviously, I've learned I don't know anything listening to you, but I know like that

Speaker 8 youth sports is a huge thing for you.

Speaker 8 And that was one of the things that you wanted to talk about, the whole youth think, if you're wondering why he's wearing the merch and he's got the flag above him, tell us a little bit about this.

Speaker 10 Yeah, it's a project that we're really excited about.

Speaker 10 You know, I've been out there having conversations with people people via podcasts and different outlets for the last couple years on our You Think program and, you know, interviewing coaches and athletes and Olympians and parents, just everyone about, you know, the good, the bad, the in-between of the youth sports landscape.

Speaker 10 And really what started was, you know, my dad was my high school football coach, prototypical old school, disciplined, high school football vibe for 30 years in New Jersey, coached me and my brothers.

Speaker 10 So I grew up in locker rooms, grew up around it, and now full full circle after making a living, I'm raising three kids, two boys and a daughter. My wife and I would lay in bed at night.

Speaker 10 We'd be at dinner with friends and the entire conversation was about youth sports. A great story.
What team is your kid on? Are you doing lessons?

Speaker 10 This guy in the gym, what the coach is doing. It would dominate everything we did.
And I was like, you know what? If we don't have the answers for any of this shit, who does?

Speaker 10 I've lived my entire life in this world and I don't even understand what's going on now. Let's go out and have these conversations.

Speaker 10 So from there, it's grown into an entire platform, multi-content contributors, all sports, men's, women's, high-level, just all across the board. There's content, there's information.

Speaker 10 We're doing like a mini doc of, you know, we got some guys going around that are like crashing practice at baseball teams, some two really cool social media influence guys.

Speaker 10 So, it's a really cool, there's a commerce engine behind it for teams to like customize gear and schools and whatnot. So, it's a really fun project.
But, Bill, I'm just going to call it right now.

Speaker 10 You're going to say you're going to be the calm parent. I'm going to sit by by myself and I'm going to clap.
You're not going to do it.

Speaker 8 No.

Speaker 9 You can't. No.

Speaker 10 No, I was telling him earlier.

Speaker 9 It's impossible.

Speaker 11 No, dude.

Speaker 8 I was at a practice. No, my daughter's, no, she had a game.
And I yelled out, don't be afraid to hurt someone.

Speaker 9 Oh, no.

Speaker 9 Dude.

Speaker 8 She was playing like, she's a little bigger than the other kids.

Speaker 8 And then I was like, I just said that out loud. And like, I'm going to get, I don't know, sued me.

Speaker 9 Dude, I coach.

Speaker 10 I coached Sophia's fifth grade basketball team and in the championship game the ref kid who was a senior in high school his parent his his sister was against us and when they beat us by two I go you guys wanted to fix it huh and I meant it dude I sounded like a lunatic like I sounded like a lunatic I go you can't do that that's his sister and my wife is like let's get out of here so it's nuts Yeah, I feel like it's one of those things like in the heat of the moment like you're not allowed to bring it up the next day like what said is and then we all get to like move on because it it does sound crazy and I am the first one to raise my hand like I feel like I've gotten better I still have a lot of room for improvement I'm like the most honest like self-assessor in this world like you can't shut it off man you can't shut it off I can't like I am a highly competitive Again, to your point, I am a highly emotional competitive.

Speaker 10 I want to see kids play hard. I don't even care about the winning and losing.

Speaker 10 Like, I've walked out of gyms of teams that I've coached or fields that I've coached and we've lost and I'd be like, you know what?

Speaker 10 They were better than us, but I actually thought we played pretty good. I'm fine.

Speaker 10 And then I've walked out of gyms and fields where we've won by 30 and I like can't sleep. Like I am all about develop the kids.
Get them better.

Speaker 10 If the environment is getting them better in middle school and elementary school, you should stay on that team and stay with that coach. Or if you're the coach, you're doing a great job.

Speaker 10 That is all that matters. High school, wins and losses matter.
Don't Don't get me wrong. Like, we're not doing this shit for a hobby.
Like, we're trying to win.

Speaker 10 But the development piece has gotten so bad

Speaker 10 that I sit there and I just like jump out of my skin. And that's why I end up trying to just volunteer to coach as many teams as they'll let me.

Speaker 10 Because I'm like, I'm not saying I'm great, but I'm going to bust my ass to get your daughter better, your son better, your daughter, whatever it is, they will get better.

Speaker 8 When you say the development piece, what are you talking about um pre-high school and getting your fundamentals down and that type of thing

Speaker 10 everything about the youth sports journey has completely flipped from developing skills both emotional skills physical skills overall just like gross motor skills running jumping big strong fast the individual skills relative to the sport field hockey lacrosse baseball football they all have very different fine motor school fine motor skills that are

Speaker 10 important to the thing. All that skill development, emotionally and physical, is the entire reason everyone should do youth sports for their kids.

Speaker 10 If your kid by a sophomore year in high school is a gifted athlete and your daughter's a great basketball player and your son's a great hockey, whatever, you'll know it.

Speaker 10 And it's, and now we got to get serious. And now it's time to like really hunker in and like, we got to go and we're taking blood, right? Like we're playing for blood now and we're ripping.

Speaker 10 When they're in sixth grade, like I need to teach my daughter how to play basketball. I need to teach my son how to pitch or how to hit or how to field a ground ball.

Speaker 10 Like we need to focus on the development. And what happens is, myself included, you get so caught up in the winning.

Speaker 10 And the argument is, I could get better players and then the end result will be I'll win more. And everyone feels like you're a better coach and the team's gotten better.

Speaker 10 But what's lost in all of that is if you focus on development, the grind, practice, communication skills, consistent messaging, and you do all those things right,

Speaker 10 you will, as a byproduct, win a lot of games. But that is a much more difficult path for a parent.
It's a much more difficult path for a coach, but it is the best path for the kid.

Speaker 10 That has completely flipped upside down across the spectrum. Travel ball, guest playing, kids flying in from all over the world.

Speaker 8 Travel teams, man. There's kids, you know, my daughter.

Speaker 8 They're on travel teams, and I'm like, you got a road game at eight years old? I mean, this is insane.

Speaker 9 I've done it.

Speaker 9 I don't know.

Speaker 8 I'm sort of viewing the whole thing as like, you know, they're going to go out there. They're going to have fun.
Look, they have my jeans. All right.
You know, I'm a stand-up comedian.

Speaker 8 I don't think I'm going to make an MLB baseball. I mean, if all of a sudden, I don't know.

Speaker 8 Something from way back in the past gets into my kids' DNA and all of a sudden I'm obviously going to support it.

Speaker 8 But like, my thing is, I played sports, I had fun, it was fun, and I go there now, it's just like, dude, the equipment, everybody with all the different cleats and all of the shit, and the bats, and all of this stuff, it was just like, I would have had just like dirty baseballs and like these bats that were like 30 years old.

Speaker 8 It's the crap.

Speaker 10 Those days are over.

Speaker 8 Yeah. Yeah.
Like the grip would be worn out on like the aluminum bats from all of these years. And like, that was.
If you had two batting gloves, you were a rich kid when I was a kid.

Speaker 10 Especially if they were the the same color.

Speaker 10 You know, one's red and one's white, you know?

Speaker 10 Here's the thing. We coach our kids.
My two sons, we coached their middle school football team the last couple years at our school.

Speaker 10 And

Speaker 10 no one's ever going to say, oh, they don't care about winning. We do care about winning.
We are very honest with our families. Like, we aren't giving up our whole summer.

Speaker 10 We are not giving up all of this time and energy that we're going to pour into these kids to not get the end result that everybody wants. The difference in our approach, and we win a lot,

Speaker 10 the difference in our approach is we are going to pour into these kids for six months every day, summer workouts, weight training, speed and conditioning, all summer.

Speaker 8 We're going to talk about it. How to talk to the press.

Speaker 10 How to talk to the press. Don't listen.
Yeah.

Speaker 10 But like, it's a, it is a, there is an art though to like teaching these kids the art of work, the art of hard, the art of grind and if you do that every day as cliche as that sounds all of a sudden wednesday afternoon and the whole school sitting in the bleachers watching us play a middle school football game and we rip and we're we throwing touchdowns we're running for touchdowns we're knocking kids helmets off like we're playing real football everyone's like oh my god this is so fun I'm like, yeah, but we started doing this four months ago at 8 a.m.

Speaker 10 while you were at the beach. Like, this shit's hard.

Speaker 9 Yeah. The game is fun.

Speaker 8 When it wasn't fun, i also think the great thing about sports you know for the cliche stuff learning how to lose winning and losing and how to take a loss i'm a terrible loser but but but like taking responsibility understanding that you know if i want the ball the whole time that's hurting the team i i hate like you know that's something else that's driven me nuts like watching sports how

Speaker 9 um

Speaker 8 certain sports like really like people like just like this is my team You know, I'm not going to get into people walking off the courts during losses and shit. You did that when I was a kid.

Speaker 8 You were a bad teammate and it wasn't rewarded. And I feel, I don't know, I don't know.

Speaker 8 I'm a bit of a grumpy old man, but we do have to get onto the picks.

Speaker 12 Yeah, I do have something at 11.

Speaker 9 I was just going to say,

Speaker 8 but real quick, you think, what is the website? It's just something that parents can go on to and get this information. Let's make sure people know where they can go to that.

Speaker 8 Yeah, it's youth.inc and the platform, the commerce, the content engine it's all there on one on one simple site and uh appreciate you guys giving me a chance to chat about it yeah and i'm gonna get uh i'm gonna i'm gonna check that out my my daughter is like crazy into sports as is my son this is one of my this is my proudest moment so far with my son is uh i was throwing overhand to my daughter and he came up and i underhanded the ball he didn't swing at it and he goes dad don't throw it like that throw it like this and he threw it at me like really hard so i said all right and i i threw one overhanded and he crushed it

Speaker 10 Of course in my greater feeling. He's already going to the MLB.
He's Aaron Judge. He's Aaron Judge.
It's done. Exactly.
Get him a private coach. Get him a private coach.

Speaker 8 Yeah, but

Speaker 8 it's fun. All right.
Are you going to is it? Let's do.

Speaker 11 Yeah, we're going to do the picks.

Speaker 9 Now, here's how this works.

Speaker 11 So with anything better, Greg, what we do is Bill and I, and our producers too, and our injury guy, we all do it. But Bill and I do picks.
We do four games each against the spread.

Speaker 11 This is our fifth year. I beat the book four years in a row, and I am getting the shit kicked out of me this year.
Bill is hovering right around 500. I did go

Speaker 11 three and one this week. Shador Sanders and the Browns were the only game that screwed me.
But Bill, it is an odd week. Oh, before we do it, though, we have to shout out the sponsor, guys.

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Speaker 11 You pick any player in any NFL game to get the first touchdown of that game. If they do, you win.
If they don't, but in fact, get the second touchdown, you'll get your cash back.

Speaker 11 So there you go, Bill. This is an odd week.
So that means you go first on an odd week. And there you go.
The floor is yours.

Speaker 8 All right, I'm going to wade right into the deep water because I, you know, up until like the last couple of weeks, I didn't know who was good this year. You know what I mean?

Speaker 13 So weird year.

Speaker 8 The Patriots have already beaten the Bills. It was a shocker when they did.

Speaker 8 The Bills are like reeling.

Speaker 8 I just can't believe that they're not a good team. I really have a difficult time with thinking that we're going to beat them twice.

Speaker 8 You know, it always feels like when a team is, you know, division rivalries, they're going to get you with one. So we already beat them.
Now they're coming in. That's how I look at it, Greg.

Speaker 8 There's no analytics. There's no knowledge or whatever.

Speaker 9 But

Speaker 8 I just feel like this is a pick'em game.

Speaker 8 And I just feel that Mike Rabel, where he has this team you know we had major problems fumbling turning over the ball that knock on wood that has gone away and i just think that this team is getting tighter and tighter and tighter every week everybody's doing their job i know the bills need to win i know this is huge but i'm actually going to take the patriots getting one point at home because i think it's going to come down to the more disciplined team and i just feel the patriots are are everybody's doing their job

Speaker 9 all right all right well i See that, Greg?

Speaker 8 I can sound like I know what I'm talking about.

Speaker 10 No, it's a reasonable argument.

Speaker 11 Well, I'm going to do something that I

Speaker 10 look.

Speaker 11 I think the Miami Dolphins, what they're doing is pretty nuts considering McDaniel is going to get fired and they've rattled off these wins.

Speaker 11 The Steelers are up and down. I'm not saying the Steelers are going to lose, but it's that half a point.
It's the three and a half.

Speaker 11 So I'm going to take the Dolphins getting three and a half on the road Monday night football against the Steelers.

Speaker 11 I just feel like they're clicking and I feel like they're going to actually win the game outright, but I like the three and a half points. So I'm going to take Miami on Monday night.

Speaker 8 I'm actually going the exact opposite. I'm taking the Steelers because I think the Dolphins have been playing some really shit teams and padding some wins.

Speaker 8 And everybody's looking at them like all of a sudden they figured something out.

Speaker 12 I actually,

Speaker 8 I don't know. I think Aaron Rodgers, the level of competitor that he is, I don't think he wants to go out, you know, not winning.
And I think they had a big win last week. And I just, I think,

Speaker 8 I don't know, I like, I liked, I think they got, I think they got a little mojo going there in Pittsburgh. I'm taking the Steelers, Paul.
We're going head to head there. All right.
I like it.

Speaker 11 I am going to take the Denver Broncos at home.

Speaker 11 I'm going to take the Denver Broncos at home against the Packers, getting two and a half. Andrew, that's right.
The Denver's getting two and a half.

Speaker 11 Oh, wait a minute. Bill, how dare us? We forgot to bring in Jake for the injury report.
Jake, get in here.

Speaker 8 This is how awkward it is every week, Greg. This is a massive, massive

Speaker 8 massive, massive chunks of side.

Speaker 13 How are you doing?

Speaker 9 Jake to snake, snake.

Speaker 8 What do you got doing?

Speaker 13 Hey, well, just before we got on, um, the chef tweeted out that Jay Daniels will be out against the Giants. Um, so that's a big loss there.
He re-injured his elbow against the Vikings.

Speaker 13 Um, two big defensive injuries. We saw uh, Jalen Carter have shoulder surgery, so he's going to be out again.
He's a really big player for the Eagles.

Speaker 13 And then the Lions lost their best safety, Brian Branch. And then, Greg, I had a question for you since we were talking about injuries here.

Speaker 13 We were talking about this a little bit before we got on, but Daniel Jones, obviously out for the year with the Torn Achilles. So they're going to bring in Philip Rivers, 44-year-old Phillip Rivers.

Speaker 13 And then the other quarterback that's out for the year is Kyler Murray. So they're both free agents this summer.
Who do you think is more likely to resign with their their team?

Speaker 13 Or do you think they're both moving on?

Speaker 10 Yeah,

Speaker 10 I think you're in the difference between Indianapolis and Arizona is think a couple weeks ago, they trade at the trade deadline.

Speaker 10 Indianapolis felt obviously very good, as they should, about Daniel Jones and their season. You're thinking you're going to be a playoff team.

Speaker 10 There was a time they were the number one seed in the AFC. You're thinking, all right, we win a couple playoff games.
We're trading around.

Speaker 10 They traded a first-round pick for Sauce Gardner, but at the time, you're thinking you're going to make a deep run and we'll give a first-round pick, but it's going to be at the end of the first round, not as valuable.

Speaker 10 Well, now all hell breaks loose. You lose Daniel Jones.
We'll see how the season finishes with Phillip Rivers or Riley Leonard or whoever ends up playing quarterback.

Speaker 10 But if they lose too many games, God forbid, don't make the playoffs, all of a sudden, what they thought was going to be an end of first round, first round pick now turns into a middle of the first round pick, albeit Sauce Gardner is a good player.

Speaker 10 If you need a quarterback and the plan is to draft a guy

Speaker 10 in the draft, maybe not a great quarterback draft, especially if you're not picking at the top. So

Speaker 10 they're in a little bit of an interesting scenario. We'll see how it all works out based on how they do in the playoffs.
But

Speaker 10 I love Daniel Jones. I was a Daniel Jones guy when he was in the Giants.
I thought he got a lot of negative flack for... a guy who did a lot of things really well.

Speaker 10 He's big, he's strong, he's athletic.

Speaker 10 He was playing as well as anybody in the league until he broke his leg, showed his toughness by playing on a broken leg, and obviously compensated and unfortunately ruptured his Achilles, which is devastating.

Speaker 10 I wouldn't be shocked to see, I guess to answer your question is, I think Indianapolis is much more likely to re-sign Daniel Jones. Kyler Murray, I cannot imagine, is back in Arizona.

Speaker 9 Yeah, I agree.

Speaker 11 All right. Well, listen, that being said, I'm going to take the Broncos at home against the Packers.

Speaker 11 I just, I watched the Broncos and I just, i think they're really good man i think they're really good i mean listen nothing really interesting ended the game last week what's that

Speaker 8 that that whole uh delay a game and uh let's kick a field goal for no friggin reason yeah yeah uh

Speaker 8 paul it's pete carroll it's it's all oh it's all about board it's all above board and then the week before washington went for two to beat him didn't they

Speaker 10 oh did they yeah that was and they tipped and they tipped the ball down that was against denver wasn't it?

Speaker 8 Listen, there was a reason for a long time they did not want to have any professional teams in Las Vegas. And this is before professional sports gambling took over the whole damn league.

Speaker 8 All right, so Paul, you going Broncos?

Speaker 12 I'm going Broncos, getting two and a half at home against Green Bay.

Speaker 8 All right, I'm taking the Chiefs, getting four and a half at home.

Speaker 8 I always feel those games come down.

Speaker 8 Chiefs games always come down to a couple of points. They need a win like nobody's business.
The Chargers already beat them this this year. Division rivalry, those games are always close.

Speaker 8 Three and a half, I still would have taken the Chiefs. Four and a half, I'll take that extra point.
I'm taking the Chiefs, Paul. Not watching the game.
Not watching the game, though.

Speaker 9 All right. Well, I'm going to take my.

Speaker 9 What is it?

Speaker 13 I was going to ask, since we were talking about the Chiefs, what do you think is the biggest problem with the Chiefs so far? Like,

Speaker 13 what's been the reason they're not in the playoffs right now?

Speaker 8 I think fans all last year, there was just too many of us saying that they were getting all the calls, and this was manufactured

Speaker 8 stuff to get Taylor Swift there. And then they got Taylor Swift to the Super Bowl, and then they called the dogs off, and they got exposed.

Speaker 9 All right,

Speaker 8 Greg, you don't have to weigh in.

Speaker 9 Yeah, definitely. That's definitely

Speaker 11 no surprise here. I'm going to take, and I'm look, I'm going to take a look at the recording.

Speaker 9 Hey, Bill, just Bill.

Speaker 8 Sorry, Bill, just for the record, Chiefs are

Speaker 13 giving four and a half.

Speaker 12 Just want to make that clear.

Speaker 8 Oh, shit. My fault.
Wait.

Speaker 11 The Chiefs are favored four and a half.

Speaker 8 Jesus Christ. All right.
Fuck that game. Sorry.

Speaker 8 All right. I'm going to do a stupid bet here because I'm an old dad.

Speaker 8 Phillip Rivers got 10 kids,

Speaker 8 13 and a half points.

Speaker 8 I'm just sniffing a back to a cover here, Paul.

Speaker 9 All right.

Speaker 8 Seahawks are going to be up by like 19,

Speaker 8 and then they're going to go try to run out the clock.

Speaker 11 And Phillip's going to, you know, a a little Grecian formula in the beard It's gonna go down back to a cover Phillip River's gonna walk out there like John Wayne and get that to make sure that they get those 13 and a half I love that

Speaker 11 I'm gonna take my New York football Giants. Look, Jackson Dart's got a swag to him that I really like.

Speaker 11 Jaden Daniels not playing for the Commanders. And I think the Giants, I just can't see them not getting another win this year.
So I think that this is the win that they're going to get.

Speaker 11 And it's minus two and a half.

Speaker 11 They win by a field goal who knows who the kicker is going to be but i'm going to take my giants against the uh beat beat up commanders with with the backup quarterback all right this is my last one why are the jake why are the vikings getting six points in dallas

Speaker 13 that is a strange spread i i don't know the answer um it feels like um you know they always try to juice up the cowboys try and get people to bet it either way

Speaker 13 But, I mean, there's not a ton of injuries either way.

Speaker 8 All right, I'll be the idiot. I'll be the idiot and and I'll take the Vikings because I feel like that's what Vegas wants me to do.
I'll take the Vikings.

Speaker 10 Who's favored?

Speaker 8 The Vikings are getting six points going into Dallas.

Speaker 10 Oh, the Cowboys are favored over the Vikings.

Speaker 9 Yeah, yeah,

Speaker 10 that makes sense to me.

Speaker 9 All right,

Speaker 8 I don't know how you can't comment on this.

Speaker 10 I don't know, I don't know enough about gambling. I'm having a hard time.

Speaker 8 I think you know a little bit.

Speaker 10 Giving and taking. I play more blackjack.

Speaker 11 All right, for my last pick, I am going to take Dan.

Speaker 8 Am I staying staying on 16 with that?

Speaker 9 No.

Speaker 9 All right, go ahead.

Speaker 11 I'm going to take Dan Campbell and the Detroit Lions. They are getting five and a half points from the Rams.

Speaker 11 Again, I could see the Rams pulling that out, but I kind of like the Lions getting five and a half. I just think that they're going to fight this week.
I think they need to fight this week.

Speaker 11 So I like the points with the Lions.

Speaker 8 Didn't Jake say that best safety is out?

Speaker 10 Yeah.

Speaker 13 Paul is right.

Speaker 13 yeah, the Lions do need to win this game at 85. They got to keep a walker.

Speaker 10 Think how much easier it'll be for them to cover if they get a bunch of those fourth downs, though.

Speaker 9 Exactly.

Speaker 9 Yeah, Dan Campbell. Dan Campbell does not catch the bad.

Speaker 10 All I know is, here, I'm just going to say this right now. If Dan Campbell goes for a late fourth down,

Speaker 10 And it's the difference between you winning what you bet, you have to come back on next Monday and take back everything bad you said against them. Is that a deal?

Speaker 9 That's a deal.

Speaker 10 That's a deal. Mark it.

Speaker 9 Mark it.

Speaker 11 All right. We got the Monday night special now where we all We don't want a half-assed apology either, Paul.

Speaker 8 I want a written statement.

Speaker 11 And actually, Greg could be part of the Monday night special or at least nod his head with something.

Speaker 11 So, what we do on the Monday night special is collectively as a show, we pick three things that are going to happen in the game, whether it's the spread, who's going to catch a touchdown, who's going to throw one.

Speaker 11 We do three things. And this week's Monday night football, we have the Miami Dolphins going in to Pittsburgh.
Miami is getting three and a half points. Um, I think you got to take a

Speaker 11 what do you want to do, Jake? You're usually good. You like the running back getting one?

Speaker 13 Yeah, the Dolphins have uh Devon Han. Um, I think he might be questionable, but if he plays, that's definitely a good pick.

Speaker 13 I think Steelers money line might be a good pick if you guys think Steelers will win.

Speaker 8 I like Steelers' money line and Aaron Rodgers to throw one, and then we need one more thing.

Speaker 9 Um, we can do that.

Speaker 8 Oh, you don't like that because you took the Dolphins. This is what's going to be fucking hard.
No, I'm going to wrap this up. Greg has a life.

Speaker 11 I care more about my pick than the thing. That's fine.
Go ahead. I'm fine with it.

Speaker 10 I'll roll with it.

Speaker 8 All right, money line, Aaron Rodgers to throw one, and then we'll do it.

Speaker 11 We'll do the dolphins running back to score one. And there you go, whatever those odds are.

Speaker 11 And here's how you know Greg Olson was a great guest and he's a gentleman because he talks to parents and he says, I'm going to make your kid better. You know what I would do if I was you?

Speaker 11 When the parent came to me, I go, dude, I'm fucking Greg Olson. Get out of here.

Speaker 9 I know what I'm doing. Get out of here.

Speaker 10 I don't know what I'm doing. That's the best part.
I'm figuring it out as I go.

Speaker 11 Yes, dude, obviously check out the website. And thank you so much for being on, dude.
You were such a great guest, so insightful.

Speaker 11 And you made me really second guess all the times me and Bill text each other saying, take the points.

Speaker 9 Okay, that's what we do.

Speaker 10 Put me on the group checks. We'll share thoughts.
Just don't text me while I'm on air.

Speaker 8 That's awesome.

Speaker 11 Guys, enjoy the games this week. Bet responsibly.
Check me out at at the Edmonton Hall Theater this Friday night in Newtown, Connecticut.

Speaker 11 And we will see you guys. Yeah, we'll see you guys in youth.inc.

Speaker 12 Check that

Speaker 9 youth.inc.

Speaker 13 Greg does great stuff with

Speaker 13 people with heart conditions as well. So really unbelievable.
Wanted to shout that out before we go. Appreciate it.
Thank you, Greg.

Speaker 8 He's an all-around great guy.

Speaker 9 All right, Greg, thank you very much.

Speaker 10 Appreciate you guys.

Speaker 8 This has been Ed Inc. Better.
We'll see you next week.

Speaker 9 Thank you.

Speaker 2 Hey guys, it's Kamal Nanjiani. My new stand-up special, Night Thoughts, is now streaming on Hulu.

Speaker 3 I promise you're going to laugh.

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Speaker 4 Are there any other immigrants here?

Speaker 1 Okay, what you can't do is point at someone else.

Speaker 7 Night Thoughts is now streaming on Hulu and Hulu on Disney Plus for bundled subscribers. Terms apply.
That wasn't my call. If it wasn't my call, terms would not apply, but it's not my call.

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