MBMBaM 756: King Fuck of Bastard Mountain

The McElroy brothers are not experts, and their advice should never be followed.

Travis insists he's a sexpert, but if there's a degree on his wall, I haven't seen it.

Also, this show isn't for kids, which I mention only so the babies out there will know how cool they are for listening.

What's up, you cool baby?

a precious friendship

I could have never seen what was coming for me

Hangs at the skate park, hangs by the beach My life,

it feels love

It's better, it's better with you

My life, oh

it's better, it's better with you

This is true

It's better, it's better with two.

Hello, everybody, and welcome to My Brother, My Brother, and me, an advice show for the Modern Era.

I'm your oldest brother, Justin McElroy.

What up, Trav Nation?

It's me, your middlest brother, Travis Vroom for McElroy.

Hey, what's up?

This is Griffin McElroy, the youngest brother, Built Ford Tough.

What are we doing today, guys?

Did you see that I shortened?

I shortened it.

I felt,

and I'll be honest, Trav, I felt like you were giving me a little bit more room to play because sometimes I worry about

catchphrase fatigue by the time it gets around to me.

But it does feel like I have, you're leaving me a little bit of corn on the cob for me on the big

share.

I'm going to be faster than fear of

someone else talking.

Oh, that's a good one.

Yeah.

You would describe...

your relationship with other people talking as a as a fear?

Well, because it's so boring.

You know what I mean?

When someone else else talks and it's just not as good hey we got an update from jimmy oh regarding our

our swear data okay i was gonna say

much much love jimmy oh i don't remember who that is but jimmy oh gave us our uh at that point i think only a couple years on yeah what curse words he said the most and i think last episode we talked about like curse words we use the most and things like that

can i just say before we get to it jimmy oh thanks for sending all that stuff to our dad got me in in a lot of fucking trouble, Jimmy O.

When dad found out how much I cuss, I got in so much trouble, Jimmy O.

I'm coming for you.

I do like now.

I have an image too of like every time we cuss, Jimmy being like and having to like go into like an abacus and like sliding one bead over to the right, dark, sticky abacus.

So at this point, Jimmy has gone through 443 episodes

where

he can find the transcripts from 2010 to 2024.

So, in 443 episodes, collectively,

9,811 swears.

Well, once we get to 10,000, Malcolm Gladwell says we'll finally be pretty good at it.

Yep.

Interestingly, there's been a shake-up in the rankings.

No, no freaking way.

I am no longer in those in that count, the cleanest brother.

Wow.

Wow.

Is it me?

No, Griffin.

No, God, no.

Justin, Justin, 2088, Travis, 2,282.

Griffin, 4,952.

I mean,

I got to get right with Christ.

There is no other way to say it.

That is not, that is not.

Okay.

That's not a slight difference.

That's not.

It's a doubling.

It's more than both of me and Justin put together.

Together.

What's wrong with you?

I

am worried sometimes that the things I'm saying aren't going to hit.

And I do feel like sometimes putting a little bit of cursing in there is like putting a little bit of, putting a, putting an extra shot of a espresso

humor.

It's not even skewed, Travis.

It does nothing to change the perspective or content of the thoughts.

I'm a little worried, honestly, that my number is higher just from how much we've talked about Griffin's language yeah on the show like to discuss Griffin's language I

I I'm cautious about even participating yeah because I don't want to get down in the gutter where his mind is no

scares anybody Jimmy does say Justin that you have the most variety in your swears Well, that's even, that's even, I almost did it just there.

That's even worse for me because that means that I'm cussing a lot with the same, with the same ones.

I'm guessing F is up there.

Well, Justin's the only one brave enough to say anal, escort, and cocksucker on the air.

Wait, escort Jimmy.

Now, hold on.

Anal Jimmy?

Anal Jimmy.

Oh?

Now, Griffin talks about escorts a lot, but I don't think of that as a profane act.

Yeah.

I also call my proctologist my anal escort because he is the one who kind of guides me down that strange and winding path.

Griffin also doesn't know how to pronounce analgesic, and I don't know if there is some sort of

thing in the world

that maybe is misinterpreted.

And I talk a lot about the just sort of insufferable escort missions from Metal Gear Solid 2 Sons of Liberty.

A lot.

And yet, are these being counted against me, Jimmy O?

Anal, anal, Jimmy O?

I will say,

I'm going to have to see the dictionary you're plugging these into to get this sort of name.

Yeah.

Now this is it.

They would let you say anal and escort on Club Penguin.

So I think it's probably okay on my brother, my brother, and me, don't you think?

Now, for a stock analyst, for market analysts,

surprising news, anus is on the rise 79% per year.

That's exciting.

Yeah, anus is really expanding.

Weirdly,

anal is down.

Anus is up.

So we're talking about it in the, what is that, present participle tense a lot more often these days.

Let's just say,

let's get the witch hazel out.

The anal's really expanding.

We've got to bring it in.

So, ass.

Okay, we've got some breakdown of the top three.

Yeah.

Ass.

Yeah.

728 total.

Okay.

8% of Justin's swears are ass.

8% of Griffins are ass.

5% of Travis.

Jimmy O.

That's pretty deep intel, my friend.

You've really crunched the numbers on this one, Jimmy O.

Now, interesting, a shocking, I would say,

upset shit outpaced fuck.

No way.

Yeah, shit, 3,610.

Now, who do you think said shit the most?

I don't know.

Probably me, just because of just law of large numbers.

43% of Griffin's curse words are shit.

Yeah.

29% of Justin's swears are shit.

Yeah.

37%.

So I outpaced Justin on shit.

That's cool.

Right behind Griffin.

Now

I'm still king of bastards, right?

I'm still riding high on Bastard Mountain, right?

I have to imagine.

Fuck, 2,189.

Yeah.

21% of Justin's swares are fuck.

Interesting.

Griffin and I neck and neck 24%

of our swares.

Now, Griffin is still,

can't stress enough, almost 5,000 where I'm at like 2,000.

So per capita, a lot more fucks are Griffin.

I'm king fuck of Bastard Mountain.

Yeah.

Absolutely.

You guys are.

I would ask Jimmy.

I think that these conversations should be exercised.

Yeah, this is clinical stuff.

Because I feel like.

This doesn't count, Jimmy.

We can't talk about this

unless we use it.

I'm allergic to bad science, Jimmy.

Give me one moment.

You see, James, this is a clinical discussion.

And by inserting yourself into the data, you have compromised.

Yes.

We are needing to quarantine off this fucking hot fucking jizz joint.

Wait, yeah, wait, Jimmy's not listening.

I'm a real piss dick.

Crotch chop, crotch chop, crotch chop.

Travis, crotch chop, Jimmy O with us.

Hey, Jimmy, hey, Jimmy, what are you came about?

I'm starting to lose all meaning to crotch chop, though.

If I do it, Tim.

Are you kidding me?

I never see a crotch chop out there.

Whenever anyone I see hit anyone else with a crotch chop, it takes my breath away especially i i love a lackadaisical crotch chop yeah well oh just so walking around that

when i see someone bust out a

while i am just like out in public it's like the the the food critic scene in ratatouille just like the camera zooms into my face and i remember myself telling everybody

in ninth grade i thought our band's drum line invented the crotch chop i thought that our because i didn't watch wrestling so i thought that we just had a really cool yeah that had the really vibe all their own.

The crotch chop is so cool for so many reasons.

I think the best reason is because traditionally, when you cross your arms X over something, you're saying like no to it.

So the crotch chop would be like a sort of cool for TikTok, Griffin.

Can you demonstrate the crotch chop?

Because I feel like people don't know.

You can ask what it is.

You have to visibly.

Yeah, move the mic.

Yes.

Headphones off.

That's better.

Thank you.

Yeah.

Powerful.

Whoa.

Whoa.

He's doing it.

That's good.

It's really good.

And what's great, hey, Griffin, can you get back on headphones for a second?

Just for the podcast.

So, Griffin, as you know, vampires are very popular.

Can you go from like a vampire rising from the crypt to a crotch chop in one fluid kind of swing?

Because I think that that could be the next thing.

So it could be like

yeah, right?

I think that that could be a powerful new thing in vampire mythology.

There's so many wrestlers across the WWE

and AEW who are flirting with being a vampire.

And I really wish someone would finally just like fucking do it.

It would be cool if they did like

just like wrestling, but they were monsters.

I mean, there is Kaiju Big Battle.

There are some folks fucking with that, but I would love to see that in the mainstream.

Universal, you're trying to get that monsters universe going.

Yeah.

This is a wrestling idea for free.

We had one that is supposedly AI yet.

Oh, that's cool.

Like they're bottom.

They had a a wrestler who's like, is just is AI?

Like is.

So not a robot.

No, is like is

it just is powered completely by AI.

Oh, okay.

AI-powered wrestler.

Like in

Meet Dave?

But that's really good.

Sure, yeah, that's perfect.

Yeah.

Now, what would be great, Justin, is if they did that, but for the first like 20 or so matches, they kept just like walking aimlessly into like a turn style, like turnbuck, right?

And like the ropes and everything.

And it took the

ai a while to figure out like what what how to wrestle right how to do it right apparently there was a tag team uh bill eady was super machine and the there was a giant machine dressed up like robots giant machine played by of course andre the giant oh that went down i bet that went down pretty smooth i would love that

sorry i you're saying somewhere is there an image of andre the giant dressed as a robot or are we just like are you keeping that to yourself yourself or where you at?

I mean let's go ahead and check it.

No.

No, that's been wiped from the internet for being too hot for TV.

God damn it, AI.

You're so fucking foolish all the time.

This is, I searched Andre the Jobot, Andre the Giant.

Andre the Jobot dressed as a wrestler.

Andre the Giant robot wrestling.

Fucking Google AI was like, well, Andre the Giant never wrestled robots.

He was a highly successful professional wrestler.

Is that what you thought I was asking?

Did Andre the Giant ever wrestle robots?

It sounds like AI got scared by the question and answered too fast and then was probably like, well, nobody wrestles robots.

What the fuck am I talking about?

I'm dumb.

Last data point.

By the end of the 443 episodes, our average swearing went from 20 swears per up to 22 swears per up and counting.

That's just inflation.

That's inflation.

I think we can.

Yeah, that's true.

That's just you.

We're going to see more about how much things cost.

So that's inflation.

That's how inflation works.

That's how inflation works.

Read a book.

How would you guys feel about helping people?

Oh, I'd love it.

Justin.

I would love to.

For me,

I'm a fast-paced girl and I love making plans with my friends.

Same, same.

Yeah.

Unfortunately, I love this book that you're writing, Justin, this teen fiction.

Yes.

About like a girl who turns into a car or a spark car.

Anyways, go.

I'm a fast-paced girl and I love making plans with my friends.

Unfortunately, they're not always glued to their phone waiting on my every word.

How long is it polite to wait for confirmation to plans before I reach out to another friend to see if they're free instead?

Is there a polite way to say there's an extended time frame I need a response by?

Probably not.

Please help, brothers.

That's from Impatient Indiana Inviter.

I love

this gets me.

It gets me too.

And I really love how much you just own it.

My friends have to get on my fucking level if they want to get with me.

How quickly can I drop these fucking zeros?

The word chill is not in this question.

No, not chill at all.

But that's cool because you're like,

this is me.

This is us.

And this is how I roll.

Help me.

And there are times where time is of the essence.

Absolutely.

Right.

Where like you have two tickets to a thing happening that day or something, right?

And it's just like, I

asked you.

I haven't gotten an answer yet.

Time is ticking.

And you run the risk of asking someone else.

And then person one comes back and they're like, I'd love to.

And then you got to be like, oh,

you missed it.

Donald Faison is at this farmer's market.

Yes.

Get your ass down here.

It looks like he's wrapping up.

If you don't get a response to that in 60 seconds, first of all, you need to really consider whether or not that person is a true acquaintance or not.

And a true Faison fan.

A true Faison.

And then they should have text notifications set up specifically for Faison.

Oh,

you can break the do not disturb firewall if there's any kind of face-on encounter at all.

Do not sweat it, guys.

I will not.

Let's talk about the do not disturb firewall, specifically in context with Clinton Emil McElroy.

That's an interesting one.

And can I say, I wait to unpack it.

I like this strategy a lot.

And I love my dad.

I love my dad, too.

And this is, okay, so dad, it says, when you try to text dad, and it has been this way for a very, I'm just going to double check.

Okay.

When you try to text dad, it says dad has notifications silenced.

Yes.

Always.

Yeah.

Like, always.

And this is not, that's not that surprising, right?

Because,

okay, that's just whatever.

I get it.

That's a very visible symbol you're sending to the world.

Dad insists that he doesn't know how it keeps happening.

This is the claim.

This is the thing.

This is the thing.

This is the thing.

And this is a man who routinely pretends to be bad at things that I know he has done.

Like he is not,

he's at least 10% not as bad as he appears to be.

This man has beaten the Elden Ring videotape.

Like he has solved more complex things.

He programmed many VCRs in his day.

He knows how to work it.

And phones only do certain things.

More than that, this man has handed me his phone and said, I don't know, juice, it just keeps happening.

And I'll see the Do Not Disturb is turned on.

And I'll go into his phone i'll turn it off a swipe and attack

schedule yeah to see that it's like turning but no schedule nothing like that it's off and then i'll go to text his man literally an hour later yeah do not disturb is on and it's not a glitch he doesn't respond to text messages yeah

The only possibility is that dad swipes up to do something else.

And then he goes, I like the moon.

And just hits the moon button.

He probably does get stoked.

Activate moon moon.

I like the moon.

Yeah, man.

Lunar powered.

Anti-gravity.

Go.

So every time you text that, you then have to push the button.

It's like, notify him anyway.

Yeah.

I'm not going to play the game.

I kind of enjoy having your phone be sort of like a P.O.

box that you can go and interact with other people at your leisure.

And that is what is expected.

in society.

That would be

you boys have a lot better grasp on

interacting with human beings in a normal way than i do old of you to say but sometimes please continue in this regard

how gauche would it be to group text people to say i got one ticket first come first serve oh that's cool right like

private me off the chain off thread yes right but you have four tickets oh right so you're creating urgency where there is no urgency.

That's not what I was doing.

Yeah, man.

Sorry, Trev.

I misunderstood.

I thought we were lying.

Oh, no.

But I'm just saying,

I'm pitting people against each other for my love.

Right.

The other one would be to text with the phrase, this is a limited time offer at the end.

And I don't know how you guys feel about that.

There should be.

Well, I guess this is.

While supplies last, maybe.

I know everybody's like wild about using these alternative messaging programs to coordinate war and stuff, but also like people are like, yeah, man, you can do it super secret so the thing disappears really fast.

Is this why it is?

Because then you can be like, hey, what's up?

Head into the

Donald Faison show.

Got one ticket left.

Are you in?

Two minutes.

Faison stestein.

That's the name of his one-man comedy show that he does.

Are you fucking in?

This message will self-destruct in two minutes.

That's an inner.

Maybe we should normalize unsending messages a few minutes after you send them.

Yeah.

Like maybe it's like you get it.

It's like, nope, I deleted it.

You didn't get it.

I don't know what it said.

Yeah.

Weird.

If I said, hey, Justin, do you want to go to the fucking phase on show with me tonight?

And then you stood there and looked at me silently for two minutes.

Do you think that I'm going to continue to offer this social engagement?

Offer rescinded.

No.

This is also why we should, and listen, it's a bit of a throwback, but normalize valets who go to your friend's home with a silver platter with the invitation written on it, and then they bring back a response, you know, and you just get the card right there.

One, jobs creator.

That's number one.

Two, a lot more silver trays moving about in the world.

So that's production right there.

Yeah.

You know what I'm saying?

This is going to be good for the economy in a lot of ways.

I feel uncomfortable when I DoorDash like some Pepto-Bismol because I'm afraid I won't be able to make it to the CVS and back

in my condition.

I'm so self-conscious about that.

The idea that I would ever use a similar service so that someone could roll up to a friend's house and be like, hey, you can go and be on COD tonight.

Griffin asks.

He paid me $6 plus a $9 service fee to ask you, COD tonight?

I will say, though, man, Jobs jobs creator, the other day, that reminded me of a funny story.

The other day, the girls and I took girls to Lowe's.

We needed some gardening stuff.

And I got the girls those extra large lollipop things that they have at checkout.

Love it.

Thins.

Later.

Big spherical ones.

Yeah.

Yeah, like the ones that are like wrapped up, you know, that are like

where they have flavors other than cotton candy and bubblegum, but what's the point?

Yeah.

But the flavors also slap ass.

Why don't they make smaller lollipops?

Taste that good.

It hates the kind of lollipop where it's like, no child could finish this in a day, let alone a single setting.

Anyways, it could finish a child, though, with what a huge choking hazard.

One of my dogs, Lily, destroyed one of those lollipops when my child wasn't looking.

So I

good on your dog, man.

That's an ambitious

hard dog.

And so I had to go back to Lowe's before my child discovered this to replace a lollipop.

So what this looked like from a Lowe's perspective, it was different checkout people.

I walked in, walked straight to the checkout, got a single lollipop to Lowe's.

Did you say anything like a,

I'm just here for the, for the pops?

Thank God self-checkout was open, but still there's an attendant there scanned a lollipop.

Sorry, sorry, Josh remover.

Yeah.

Sorry, go ahead.

I just want to keep track.

We've got rid of one and we had

a video.

Get on this.

The woman who was the attendant did strike up a conversation with me about my purple hair as I was checking out

berries and cream lollipop.

Travis, I don't feel like you can't, you're so far gone.

I don't think you can appreciate how fucking stealth mode I am able to go at a Lowe's or a Home Depot.

I have nothing to comment on.

Break your hands.

I have nothing to comment on.

I'm going to grow back out to regular hair color.

Is this true?

Yeah.

Is this break?

Because I want to see, so it's getting pretty long now and I can see.

You know we're recording, right?

Yeah, yeah.

Yeah.

Okay.

We can do aesthetic updates here on the show.

I can see some gray in there and I want to see what I'm rocking with.

I'm excited to go gray.

Yeah.

And I'm looking forward to it.

I'm looking forward to some of those comments, Travis Sturton, to irk away from my direction, where every comment is mostly about my progress on my slow, inevitable march to the grave.

Yeah, you all know we read those comments like they look so old, I can't even look at them.

It makes me sad to look at fucking cryptkeepers.

What is this?

It makes us sad.

They've aged.

We're on the internet every fucking day.

Come on at it.

We are Truman showing ourselves.

How are you not noticing these?

Blame the algorithm if you don't see how we're aging because we're laying it all out there.

Yeah, man.

There ain't no hiding.

We are a shitty time-lapse

of most of a life.

I hope, Jesus Christ, we can keep this thing going that long.

It's like boyhood, but for old men.

It would be nice to have that sort of job security.

My boss

is is a he-him dude in his mid-50s and I, a she-her gal in our early 40s, keep twinning unintentionally.

The accident is made more awkward by the fact that we don't like each other and thus we avoid acknowledging the mistake.

It's happened three times and every time it's more embarrassing.

Going forward, how can I avoid dressing like my boss?

Please limit advice to solutions that do not involve me not directly addressing him.

That's from Drab, dressed recurringly as boss.

I want to thank you for the guardrails you've put on this from the word go.

I appreciate it.

It's nice.

I like to have bumper bowling sometimes.

You know what I mean?

It makes it easier.

I've lost track of the double negative a little bit of please limit advice to solutions that do not involve me not directly addressing him.

I think there's an extra knot in there.

Oh, okay.

She's not going to talk to her boss, period.

That's out.

Okay.

I thought she must talk to her boss.

She's ready.

to really drag his ass down and is looking for some tips,

some great shit to say.

And we couldn't do that, so it's probably the other one.

There's an okay, listen, I know this isn't what you asked, and I normally don't do this.

Answer a question that wasn't asked, but who wore it better?

Oh, yes.

You know what I mean?

If you don't like your boss, and when you twin, you're outdoing your boss,

is that so bad?

Yeah, I mean,

I still feel threatened.

You know how men are.

You can't do that.

I do.

You can't limit your own

style adventure based on

the adventure of another.

I don't think that that's fair to ask of anyone.

I think that you might raise the boss up.

That might be what the boss needs.

Maybe the boss has reached the threshold of what he's able to do aesthetically.

And he would actually appreciate someone to show him a new way, a new path.

And maybe you'll get the big promotion you've been going for.

You what we need to bring back and need to normalize?

Reversible clothing.

Oh, man.

Right.

A reversible jacket.

I feel like that was a thing in the 80s where it's like you could turn the jacket inside out and now it's a different jacket.

Yeah.

I'll tell you, kick-ass.

Reversible jacket.

One side, denim,

some kind of fabric, but then you flip it and then it's a rain, then it's a rain jacket and it's waterproof.

Oh, shit.

One side outside is going to be like a khaki, a canvas, traditional outerwear sort of fabric.

Inside,

that slippery, loud nylon shit that keeps you nice and dry.

This is interesting because we've moved away from the classic because I love this.

Yeah, this is a good garbage because no matter what, you're uncomfortable.

Like you are either locking it all in, right?

And you're like, if it's a...

If it's a look on a day where you don't need the rain slicked, then it would be, sorry, I think you're confused.

In that case, it would be in canvas mode.

It would be in denim.

So you just have slippery, gross feeling moving against your body on the inside.

Moving against my shirt.

I'm wearing a shirt under the jacket.

I'm not like.

So you need a third layer, a tear away layer.

I'm sorry, Travis.

Are you?

No, you're being an asshole right now because are you frequently leaving the house wearing only a jacket and no shirts?

No, but I feel how the jacket moves against my shirt.

I'm a short sleeve thing with a long sleeve jacket.

So this can't be plastic on the inside.

No.

It's not plastic.

This is a nice, sticky nylon.

It's going to be a sticky.

It's like a soft, breathable, waterproof.

I was close.

So I think we can all agree I was close to something there.

There's something there.

If it didn't rely on a non-existent fabric, like a sort of a comfortable raincoat fabric that feels good against your skin and dries instantly.

We're so far away from the office life.

Yeah, I don't even know if I'm a Jim or Dwight anymore.

What about an accent piece?

Ooh.

That you make sort of like a recurring thing.

That it doesn't even really matter what the rest of the look is doing because

the

Rane from Batman and Robin is a part of every look.

Yeah.

Plus, I think it'd be good to send a little

depth charge down there, a little

sounding wave, a little test experiment to see if your boss chomps that fucking Steez.

It is important to know if you start wearing a fascinator to work and you're like, let's fucking see.

And the next day the boss has like a little fascinator or fascinator adjacent thing, you're going to wear two fascinators.

It's going to, we're going to be in an arms race.

It ain't a scene.

It is.

I mean, it is kind of a scene.

If I see someone, if I see multiple people wearing multiple fascinators, that is a scene.

That's what I want to ask Monsieurs Stump and Fallout Boys.

Can't it be both a scene and an arms race?

Think about it.

Yeah.

I work as a cashier at a grocery store, and there's a question.

Should we go to money zone?

Griffin, if I thought we should have go to the money zone, I would not have started another question.

Yeah, wow, shit.

Okay, that is really, that's, that's really passive-aggressive of you.

I was, I think, if anything, aggressive-aggressive, but it was

regular.

aggressive passive

let's go to the money zone okay all right

justin and griffin can we have a serious conversation for once oh thank god yes you guys have no Virtual online presence to speak of whatsoever.

Didn't we just

say that?

Certainly certainly none that I am under any amount of control of.

Exactly.

And I know you're afraid.

I know you're afraid of the internet.

I know you are because you're like, I don't know how to do it.

I don't even know how to set up an internet, right?

First of all, it's called a website.

It's not called an internet, right?

The internet is what you use to set up and how you get to things, grandpa, but it's called a website.

And with Squarespace,

okay.

Oh, my God.

What's a website?

Tell me now.

Because you're over there.

You're over there max fucking headroom.

Like, what's up, Cyber Cowboys?

You can't fucking stupid.

We don't know about you.

Such dumbasses.

So what's a website, Trap?

Tell me that.

Well, a website is like, you know how you're always putting up kind of like poster board signs on like lampposts and walls and stuff that tell people about what's going on in your life or if you're selling things or like to talk about stuff that you're into.

You know?

So a website is like that, but it lives in the computer and other people with computers and phones and stuff can see it

okay all right yeah that sounds that sounded right i was just you were really riding you were really riding us pretty hard there about i'm a cyber jockey man you know what i mean so i gotta i gotta ride you analog

you analog dorks as hard as i can and you're gonna ride us analog dorks as hard as you can and put you up wet

I don't think that's accurate.

I'm just trying to juice my numbers.

Just trying to ride you as hard as you can and put you up wet.

Yeah, because I'm a cyber jockey and you're...

Because I take it back, maybe your social abilities are somehow deficient.

And I think it's probably because of the, like, how jacked into the web you are, it sounds like, that you've forgotten how things work out here.

Yeah.

It's been a long time since I've spent time in meat space.

I think that's probably, I mean, meat space is fine.

Squarespace is better.

I need to touch ass.

Is that what they say?

You can touch ass.

Touch ass.

You can touch ass.

You can touch grass.

Or you can touch gas.

That last one, a lot of people don't touch on your face.

Nobody touches for free.

Yeah.

You can touch ass for free.

But with Squarespace,

they give you everything you need to offer services and get paid all in one place.

You analog nerds.

So get paid on time with professional faith.

You've lost the fucking path.

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This is what happens when we do the drive and we go two weeks without doing ads.

I feel like it takes a bit of a run-up again.

It takes like you got to spin up that engine just a little bit.

I do think we delivered a quality product to Squarespace just like they deliver quality products to their users day in, day out.

That's right, Squarespace.

You're welcome.

You're welcome.

And thanks for sponsoring this rebuilding season here on my brother.

My brother and me.

We're focusing on the fundamentals right now.

All right.

We're over 70 episodes into our show.

Let's learn everything.

So let's do a quick progress check.

Have we learned about quantum physics?

Yes.

Episode 59.

We haven't learned about the history of gossip yet, have we?

Yes, we have.

Same episode, actually.

Have we talked to Tom Scott about his love of roller coasters?

Episode 64.

So, how close are we to learning everything?

Bad news.

We still haven't learned everything yet.

Oh, we're ruined!

No, no, no, it's good news as well.

There is still a lot to learn.

Woo!

I'm Dr.

Ella Hubber.

I'm regular Tom Lollum.

I'm Caroline Roper, and on Let's Learn Everything, we learn about science and a bit of everything else too.

And although we haven't haven't learned everything yet, I've got a pretty good feeling about this next episode.

Join us every other Thursday on Maximum Fun.

Yeah, man.

Yeah, man.

I want a munch squad.

I want to munch.

Squad.

Welcome to Munch Squad.

It's a podcast within a podcast profiling the latest and greatest in brand eating.

And I wanted to tell you guys, first of all, we mentioned it on Clubhouse, but I wanted to say it here that the BW3s at the mall did close.

Yeah.

Sitting empty currently?

As far as I know, yes.

So you're saying it's available.

Saying there's an opportunity for an enterprising young wing fan.

Yes, that's right.

They left all the wings.

So you are.

You're going to need to do this sort of a wing-based

business.

yeah i just it's gonna stink like it's gonna stink like wings so you may as well sell wings there because you can't

you can't have a dentist office there that stinks like buffalo wings people are not gonna come frequent that i'm excited to open my church slash restaurant combination wing and a prayer come on in

that's

can i tell you something that idea is not only strong from a sort of like comedic gag standpoint it's also strong from a like anytime we left church as kids i would have definitely gone for wings.

I for sure would have gone for wings.

This is what I'm saying.

So why not combine the experience?

Yep.

The collection plate?

That's right.

It's a plate of wings.

It's a big plate of wings.

I will say transubstantiation

on a bone in buffalo wing is a little too visceral for my

part of it.

Okay.

It gets, it gets.

Yeah, man.

We don't have to even get in there any deeper.

Oh, Justin just sent us a little multimedia.

Okay.

All right.

No, never mind.

Don't click that link.

I got it to work now.

Oh,

okay.

Because I clicked it in the scariest thing I've ever seen.

Yeah, it sucks.

Do you suffer from need?

Do you struggle to decide which one of the many TVs playing March Madness and Buffalo Wild Wings to watch?

Not anymore.

Introducing the Beat Ups Vision Goggles, the perfect way to watch every single game at the same time.

With its patent-pending mirror vision technology, you get a full 360 view.

And with designer-inspired fashion aesthetics that rival the Baroque era Pal Eve, you'll be the coolest guy at Les Bar.

And I'm so crazy, I'm practically giving them away.

Let's go, sports bar.

So, you can actually buy these March Madness vision goggles.

First of all, can we just address the fact that if you are not seeing this in real time, this buffalo monster screaming, are you inflicted with need?

Is that what he said?

Because that sounds like a Dark Souls character.

Do you have need?

Yes,

you have a

Ashen One.

Do you suffer from need?

Do you

okay?

Can we get the the exact?

Can we get the exact wording on that extremely

you should see it

at the very beginning?

I want to hear his phrasing of

sorry.

Do you suffer from need?

Do you suffer from need?

Is like

sounds like something you would hear at the like sleepaway camp called like Ash Wanderer.

Do you suffer from need?

Perhaps my cinders could provide some super

You're stricken with desire.

I can cure your desires right now.

Abandon these foolish landings.

Suck on this chicory root.

Let its pulsing vapors penetrate.

There are no needs within the great snake balconosphere.

That is, of course, if my um if my unless my eyes mistake me, my unless my ears mistake me, that is JP Carliak, best known for being the boss baby in the boss baby TV show.

Oh, is it?

Because I was trying to narrow that down.

It took me several listeners.

Yeah.

But I'm pretty sure it's JP Carliak.

It possibly

Hulk in the X-Men 97.

There were like eight SNL cast members from the last decade.

I thought that could have been.

And I was trying to like hone in on which one.

These glasses.

Yeah.

Talk about that part of it.

Are these real things you can get?

I haven't been to the URL.

So I don't know, man.

I was kind of afraid to get on the list.

You guys can go there if you want.

I actually saw this, a clip from this prior to this on, I believe,

a TikTok or something similar.

And immediately what I thought of was the bit in How I Met Your Mother when Ted goes to pick up wings from a restaurant and he's attempting to avoid seeing the outcome of the Super Bowl.

Yeah.

That's

what I'm getting from this.

An extremely specific reference.

Indeed, indeed.

But it looks stupid in both cases, I guess is what I'm trying to say.

So they really did sell it.

It is sold out now.

It's sold out now, but they sold something for no reason.

But it looks like duct tape together.

Yeah.

It looks like garbage that they were selling people.

It's goggles, and then they have strapped, they have attached to the straps a lot of maybe like small

side view mirrors on a car, like six of them, so that you can watch all the games, if you watch all the games at once.

I think that Buffalo Wild Wings is the worst imaginable restaurant to wear such a silly-looking contraption.

Because I do think that per capita, the number of people who would walk up to you and just scissor kick that thing right off your dork face is probably higher than the average restaurant.

I've adjusted your guys's view.

Sorry.

Yeah, I've adjusted your view, guys.

This, so you could, Griff, can you talk about some vital stats on this of this Buffalo Wild Wings national chain?

Yeah.

This video.

This is, and I have to imagine this is running on a lot of collegiate basketball competitions.

Can you go talk to the bottom, please?

Yeah, yeah.

So we're looking at, first of all, BW's channel's got 27.2k subscribers.

That's pretty good.

22 likes on this video, not the best, but we all have off ones.

4.8 thousand views on this one that came out two weeks ago.

And then there are, it looks like two comments, one of which says, I want those goggles.

And the other one.

Yeah, that is the first comment.

That was made alongside the videos launched two weeks ago.

Yeah, this one.

For two weeks, there were no comments because people went to comment on it and they looked at that comment.

I want those goggles.

Now they thought, that sums it up.

I actually don't need to add anything.

And then four hours ago, it looks like we have someone who says, this made people leave the restaurant.

They said the wings are too hot.

Boom.

Got a seat.

See, groasted.

That's it.

Only other comment on this.

There's the

there's nothing wrong with the private sector

we are doing great darling over here it's good

we have lots of kick-ass jobs doing lots of amazing stuff for everyone it's all good stuff that's the important thing it's all good stuff and this some people i think get a little worked up about

a lot of restaurants i think are worried about packaging and they're worried about the environmental footprint yeah and i just want to say that i am very glad that b-dubs had the foresight to make these trash goggles to put straight into landfills yeah i wish they had made more of them it's uh it has nothing to do with uh buffalo wings it's not selling the food it's not a commercial for food and the garbage paraphernalia they're hawking doesn't even promise to improve your enjoyment of the food And yet, yeah.

And yet, I want those goggles.

I like those goggles.

And also,

and yet further, us three fucking saps, Rubes, Marks, Patsy's are here talking about it on our on our enormous.

God damn it, Criffin.

You're right.

I hate to always play that card here on the Munch Squad, but BW3s

did get, I mean, they done.

They got us, they got us again.

Like, they, they know what we like and we're we're like what we're all about and so

so i need everyone there i need everyone to go to that video and comment i also want those goggles bring those goggles back sell those goggles some more just turn it into a my brother my brother me chat room there's no one watching you can go to bw go to the video it's got i don't know hopefully more views by this point the amount of engagement you're going to give that is going to save someone's job yeah

probably

listen what am i going to do if if another one shuts down oh no they'll have to open BW for us.

Did we all wear red?

We didn't communicate beforehand.

We're all in a color pattern.

There's like seven colors, man.

Statistically, we were going to match up someday.

You know what I mean?

I have a question.

My partner and I have seen many clips from WWE on Instagram.

We genuinely think it seems hilarious, and we should watch the show for real.

However, we have no clue how and where to start.

In your opinion, how should we start watching

professional wrestling?

That's from wistfully wondering about wrestling in ontario okay this is great because i think justin and i can kind of act as audience surrogate here to ask griffin do they have like seasons griffin seasons of

his

seasons of yeah i'm the wrongest guy to ask this question like you're the rightest one on this show I know that much, but I do want to stress this by saying I'm the wrongest imaginable dude to ask this question.

I fell off wrestling pretty hard,

pretty much right when we had the second kid.

Pretty much, that was, it turns out like the amount of time you have to invest in wrestling to follow it is exactly one second kid's worth.

Not one first kid's worth.

That's a little bit bigger of a commitment.

Although there is a multiplicative sort of exponential effect when you start tossing more kids on the pile there.

So that's, I'm, I'm well outside of it.

The honest, probably best answer is probably just like start looking at TikTok, like wrestling TikTok.

I bet it's out there.

Okay, you say that, but I occasionally get served up some hot wrestling TikToks.

And I've seen that Mr.

Cena has recently made a big character change.

Mr.

Cena, again, this is something I've absorbed from clips on TikTok.

I did not see this happen live.

It does sound...

It does sound like a very exciting idea, but Mr.

Dwayne Johnson did hypnotize The Rock to Turn of Evil.

As far as I can tell,

hold on, say that again.

He hypnotized Mr.

Cena.

Oh, sorry, sorry.

Mr.

The Rock, Dwayne Johnson, did hypnotize John Cena to turn him evil, to make him evil.

Can we talk about the alternate view of

that Dwayne Johnson hypnotized The Rock in like a Jekyll and Hyde kind of situation?

That would be so.

That would be like way cooler.

Anyway, go ahead.

So, what I'm asking, Griffin, is: do you think I need to start back at the beginning of Mr.

Cena's career and track through

that's not important pretty much you can just watch that one episode of smackdown and i bet you're going to be okay gang gang gang the shows are called raw and smackdown it ain't severance you don't got to watch a bunch of supplemental online to like find out like here's the deeper meaning between john cena being activated manchurian candidate style to attack mr rhodes his best pal i guess you really don't need all that shit you just you need to see 40 seconds of someone on TikTok saying, check this out.

I want to challenge you on that, Griffin.

Okay.

Because what you just said.

To a wrestling match?

What you just said a couple minutes ago is that

the time required to keep up with wrestling is commiserate with that of caring for a small child.

So either we do need the context to enjoy the product or we don't.

And I'm asking you,

it sounds like if the advice is just watch the show and enjoy it, it sounds like you yourself could be just watching the show and enjoying it.

But it is a difference between saying, I got this podcast for you called My Brother and My Brother and Me.

It's a million fucking episodes.

And someone being like, how do I get into it?

How do I get into it?

And you say, I don't know, man, probably just watch a best of compilate, get on YouTube, find some of their biggest clips.

That takes 10 minutes.

Listening to the entirety of our podcast is you can't do it.

You'll die.

You'd be dead by the end.

Yeah, don't do it.

Just from time.

There's so many cursor ones.

And so I could update myself on the present status of just the WWE universe in a good 20 to 30 minutes of cursory Googling.

But then I would have to watch the eight to nine hours of wrestling content released every single week in order to consider myself sort of literate in the space.

That's not even factoring in AEW, which has also, of course, a lot of extremely exciting stuff.

And delicious, delicious root beer and hot dogs.

Yeah, they do.

I mean, that's a joke, but they definitely probably do sell root beer and hot dogs to most wrestlegoers.

And to wrestlers.

They make them pay for their own hot dogs, which I think is really fucked up.

Now, the anatomy of a wrestling match is

70% panting.

And I can't blame him for that.

Pantsing?

Panting.

70% panting.

If you're doing it right, you're getting about three quarters panting and then about...

20% set up and then 5% people, you know, flipping through the air and stomping and punching and hitting and kicking.

And catching a highlight of those is the best way to consume one of those matches because the panting with rare exception is not the not the highlight of it's not story driven panting

no it's but biologically driven panting okay they just it hurts to do this stuff and it gets you tired as a casual fan of yeah wrestling by which i mean you know sometimes i've watched the idea is me yeah

yeah it's just like seems naked wouldn't kick it out of bed for eating crackers i've been to wrestling events in person yeah as a casual fan wrestling yeah but you know saw Brutus the Barber Beefcake live.

Yeah, I've seen it, I've seen Jake the Snake Roberts live.

We've met Jake the Snake Roberts in person, like, I don't want to.

Yeah, we don't have to talk, we don't have to drop names, but when the name is as fun as Jake the Snake Roberts, you know I'm going to be dropping it.

I one time saw Sergeant Slaughter in the best buy that I worked at.

Yeah,

was there an ending to that sort of thought?

There was initially, Griffin, but I kind of vamped too much and forgot it.

Yeah,

curse of old age, I guess, man.

No, but also, I mean, that is.

It's so sad.

I can't even listen to them anymore without knowing how old they are.

That is, though, just in a statement on wrestling, too, because that happens on that in that great octagon, half-octagon, all the time, doesn't it?

If someone getting up there, it's just like, I'm going to stomp your ass so hard.

Can you just describe a square as a half-octagon?

I'm going to stomp your ass so hard, I'm going to take you back to the town you grew up in.

My name is Dr.

Dirt, and I'm going to fuck you up tonight because of what you did to my

wife.

And it's been a long time.

As a casual fan of wrestling, I really like it when

the wrestling happens with some sort of extra flair.

Yeah.

Or sometimes, especially like when there's a cage.

Oh.

Or

death is part of it.

Part of it.

Well, death or being killed is like a thing that can happen.

I like about the cage too.

It makes me me feel safe as the fan knowing that the wrestlers are contained.

Can't get out.

The risk of the wrestling spilling over into the audience or my home even is very reduced.

Yes.

That the violence and the wrestling is contained.

When I would see Dean Ambrose do an extreme cage match, I would think that man who is just a lunatic for...

for denim jeans is not going to come out and hurt me or try to take my vessels.

He can't get me.

He can't get my jeans away from me.

Now he is incarcerated and also about to get his ass stomped by Bray Wyatt.

And it's going to be great to see.

One other thing that I did when I asked about wrestling as a casual fan of wrestling, Girthley.

Yeah, go ahead, Juice.

It does, it does seem a little bit unnerving that I could spend a lot of time learning about a wrestler and it could just turn out that I should never know or speak of them ever again.

It's like a lot of wrestlers do get memory hold in a way where it's like, not only was that time wasted, it would be better if i didn't know of them just because i might accidentally mention the great thing about someone else but the great thing juice is that is only true of wrestling and no other art form or performance whatsoever

yeah but i don't yeah it might be a little more true in wrestling if we ran the numbers right griff like i don't know let's get jimmy oh on it jimmy oh jimmy oh jimmy oh we need a catalog of canceled problematic people

in wrestling.

It's compared to all other fields.

And I want to see different columns for AEW and WWE, please.

In fact, if you could split it up between the Raw and SmackDown rosters, that would be probably the most helpful data points for us.

And we're not going to pay you for this.

Jimmy, no.

Jimmy, no.

Don't do it, Jimmy.

I support art and artists.

But this is just math, Jimmy O.

That ain't art.

That's not art.

That's not math, Jimmy O.

I I mean, listen, Griffin can figure out that a square is half an octagon.

Math ain't art, buddy.

I'm not going to pay someone to do math for me.

I'm clearly pretty good at it.

I knew I would reach a point where my son would bring home math homework too difficult for me to fucking hang with.

I thought I would get a little bit farther than the second grade.

I thought I would get...

I thought I would hit third, fourth.

As soon as I saw that long division line, I was like, hello, you old fucker.

Remember me?

Because I don't to you.

I've been, I've become instantly unhelpful saying, like, listen, kid, if I don't know how to do this, you don't need it.

Like, you will not get these again.

The problem I find with helping.

I don't know how to break it to you because it's like, if you don't know, I don't know it.

So clearly you don't need it to be a happy, well-adjusted adult.

I don't know.

The problem I have with helping people with math homework is so much of it is just stuff I have like kind of memorized.

Yeah.

Right.

That when I look at those numbers, I know the answer to math.

But then when it's like, I'm supposed to tell her how to do it.

And it's just like, oh, yeah, you just need to look at it and know that the answer is four.

That's too

good a math.

Listen, I was a national merit scholar, man.

I don't know what to tell you.

I want to say, and I feel like I don't say this enough when we talk about wrestling.

If you're a huge wrestling stan and you do spend nine hours a week watching all that programming, I support you immensely.

I watch probably more of.

than that in hockey and that isn't even fun.

Like there's not even like fun costumes and like the threat of killing or i spend more time than that on hobbies that i actively think are embarrassing yeah yeah

for sure i spend about nine hours a week accidentally watching a lot of paw patrol and like shimmer if you want to know about storyline screen like shimmer and shine on the screen if you want to know about the storylines in in like construction pubs or whatever you just ask me hit up trav that one's not real

you're so low dude i'm sort of lean back relaxing because i'm saying, hey, thanks for listening to the podcast.

I'll also remind you, Griffin, even though I've had to remind you a few times lately, this

isn't for them.

I want to say, I want to say the commentary.

Thank you.

I want to say thank you to everybody who supported us in the Max Fun Drive.

Oh, yeah.

It was wonderful, filled us with all the positive, good, grateful feelings.

Thank you.

Now, Justin, you're teasing us to make us comment on this.

I just put my finger in my mouth.

He's sucking on this fancy.

But you put your finger in your mouth to see if we were.

But you were seeing if we were comment.

There's no cherry.

It's just in my mouth.

Yeah.

And it's not for them.

It's not.

If they do clip this juice, you're going to look crazy, dog.

Okay.

Hey.

Justin's eating his fist.

We got to hurry through this, man.

Thank you so much to Montane for the use of our theme song.

My life is better with you.

It's a powerful track of

authentic

friendship and

love.

Empower and love.

Montane's got some new tunes that I'm very excited about.

So support them.

I'm excited.

Where you can.

I'm excited because we're coming to Richmond, Virginia with a My Brother, My Brother, and Me, Charlotte, North Carolina with an Adventure Zone in Raleigh, North Carolina with a My Brother, My Brother, and Me this week.

Yeah, baby.

If you have questions you want answered or a Faster Than Fear you want read aloud, you can email it to nbmbam at maximumfund.org and put which city you're going to be at in the subject line.

Later, we're coming to Michigan, Minnesota, and Ohio, so make sure you check that out too.

All the Taz shows are going to be Taz versus this one this week is Taz versus Hamlet.

Very excited for that.

Check that out.

Get your tickets now, bit.ly slash MacroyTours.

We also have a bunch of new merch, including a Miggy Spinner pin.

and Ether C dice.

The Ether C dice are so dope.

They are definitely going to be my new to-go

Roland buddies.

Those are designed by Evewin.

Thank you so much, Evewin Workshop on Instagram.

10% of all merch proceeds this month will be donated to the National Immigration Project, which litigates, advocates, educates, and builds bridges across movements to ensure that those who are impacted by our immigration and criminal legal systems are uplifted and supported.

Once again, that is all at macroymerch.com.

Justin, do you want to do the faster than fear this week?

Yes.

Okay, please.

I believe I can do that for you.

This once.

This year, I want to be faster than my fear of the thumb thumbs from Spot Kids.

Abso.

Absolutely.

100%.

My name is Justin McRoy.

I'm Travis McRoy.

I'm Griffin McRoy.

Fuck fluke.

Fuck fluke for bringing these things into the world.

This is with my brother, my brother, me kissing your dad square on the lips.

It's better with you.

My life, oh.

It's better, it's better with you.

It's better.

My life, oh,

it's better, it's better with you.

Cause it's true.

It's better, it's better with you.

My life,

oh,

it's better with you.

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