MBMBaM 757: Face 2 Face: Ain’t No Horny Like Goose Horny
Suggested talking points: Vatican 2.3, Business Penguin, New Ways to Make Untertainment, Martin Crane Impersonator Who Brings His own Chair, Crime Trailer
National Immigration Project: https://nipnlg.org/
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Transcript
The McElroy brothers are not experts,
and their advice should never be followed.
Who Travis insists he's a sexpert,
but if there's a degree on his wall, I haven't seen it.
Also, this show isn't for kids, which I mention only so the babies out there know how cool they are for listening.
What's up, you cool baby?
It's the side
of something beautiful.
A small acquaintance has blossomed.
It's ripened into a precious friendship.
I could have never seen what was coming for me.
Hangs at the skate park, hangs by the beach.
My life,
it feels love.
Hello, everybody.
Welcome, my brother, my brother, and me.
An advice show for the Modern Era.
I'm your oldest brother, Justin McElroy.
What's up, Trav Nation?
It's me, your middlest brother, Travis, Vroom Vroom McElroy.
Hey, what's up?
It's me, the sweet baby brother, 30 under 30 media luminary, Bill Ford, Tough Griffin McElroy.
And let's give another round of applause for our dad, who's cosplaying as the flush tonight.
Right.
Our dad.
Thanks, Paul.
Appreciate it.
It's for my sweat.
I'm going to get really raunchy this show.
So Paul called it a two.
He was like, one towel show or two towel show, J-Man.
I was like, it feels like a two-tile show.
He said, it depends on how many white claws I spill all over the gosh dang place.
Interestingly, maybe connectedly, Justin, I enjoy your speed racer on vacation cosplay.
I my speed racer shirt had a noticeable mustard stain on it.
Not so noticeable that I noticeable it before I packed this morning, but noticeable enough to
leave it at home.
I bet that happens to the real speed racer.
Don't worry.
He's moving too fast to be careful with my
meat eater, no way.
Yeah, yeah, but so it's more of a casual day.
But I'm not the person I want to make fun of.
Okay.
Did you guys get that text?
Oh, man, we got a pretty good Clint McRoy text today.
Can we tell you the tale of it?
Because I promise it hits.
And
it's seasonal.
I am busting right out of my collar of this.
They love it.
They are so eager for it.
If you sense a certain nervous energy from me tonight, more than usual, it is because I have a light case of food poisoning and wearing a one-piece coverall jumpsuit.
Hi, Sawyer.
I live live on the fucking edge.
The Saw movies have gotten much lower stakes.
Yeah.
But they are funnier.
Anyway, we're not making fun of me or you or Travis.
Neither one of us.
Why would you make fun of me?
Yeah.
We're making fun of our dad.
So here's the tech.
Here's the text that we got today.
Today
from our dad.
Doctor Who canceled as Amazon deal confirms rebranded Doctor Who reboot.
Now, for those of you listening at home and audio, the difference is, get this, the first doctor is spelled out.
Right.
And the second doctor just says DR.
So next image, please, Paul.
Yeah, so here's the text of dad sending it to all of us.
Now, where he says,
that's like to every, that's us and all of our wives.
Which is fucking
a wild scattershot approach.
Yeah.
I don't know if he added, but the end is just the beginning as his own sort of putting his own spice on it, but I do like that.
There was a large gap in between there where no one responded, right?
And
it fucking rules that he lets us know exactly which app he shared this important news bulletin from.
Yeah.
The Google app, you said?
Now, next, next,
next.
Now, what's so fascinating is this is a story from April 1st, 2024.
Which, for those of you
keeping Square at home, is 365 days prior to the text we just showed you.
Now, that's one unifying factor.
The other one is that it is from a website called Doctor Who TV, the exact same goddamn website
on the exact same fucking day, April 1st.
Paul, next image, please.
Yes, that was texted to us
on April 2nd, 2024.
Yeah,
This website has our dad's fucking number, man.
And I also want to highlight here in this text thread, Justin, what I'm going to say is a very gracious response.
Holy crap, Juicy.
Justin never shows this kind of grace, y'all.
Especially not to dad when he does something objectively pretty.
Paul, next image?
So I just wanted dad to know last time he got
grace.
This is the this year thread in which Justin responded.
Sorry, it took me so long to respond to your text, Dad.
I wanted to stop driving and make sure I had a good screenshot of it first.
Okay, so that's the story of our April Fool's sets from Dad.
Look forward to 2026, April 2nd.
One of these days, Doctor Who's really gonna get canceled or some big shake-up's gonna happen, and he's not gonna believe it.
I know we've talked about this before, but to be like a PR person on April Fool's Day when something big big breaks, and you're like,
Can we wait?
This can go out tomorrow, right?
What do we do here, Justin?
We don't just dunk on our dad.
My friend, thank you so much for asking.
Justin Daddy, just dunk on our dad.
We also dunk on our dad while we help you, our beloved friends.
We're going to take your questions and turn them alchemy like into wisdom.
Like, I don't know any other way to do it.
A friend from work has recently got me into watching Richmond Pro Wrestling.
RPW represent, I have come to realize that I would really like to be in the ring
as a ref.
What is something that would help me stand out from all the other referees?
And that's from refing in Richmond.
Are you here?
All right, all right.
Can I ask, there was a big crowd response to Richmond Pro Wrestling.
Is that like a big deal here?
It seems like a trap.
I don't know why you'd shit talk it after everyone's.
No, I'm asking.
It could just be a combination of hearing the name of your city
and pro wrestling together.
That's what I was saying.
It makes you very happy.
If I was seeing a show in Huntington and someone referenced Huntington Pro Wrestling, I'd probably cheer just to be safe.
Yeah.
Yeah.
That's something I like.
Yeah.
I support that in theory, if not with my money.
Here's what I know about wrestling referees:
they are not often extreme sticklers for the rules.
So that could be a nice energy to bring.
Is you actually have the book up there and you're constantly.
That's a huge book.
And you're going to get in there.
Like when you see a submission hold taking place, I want you to get really, really, really deeply close looking at it just to make sure there's.
Break out a measuring tape, maybe, and you're like getting, oh, no, they're not there yet.
It's fine.
Do a lot of slapping them on the back to separate, which is not traditionally something done along.
Make them sit in the corner.
Like, no, you did bad.
Get in time out.
You could look really, really concerned all the time.
Oh, no.
Oh, Aui.
Ouch.
Here's one that you could try
if you were to, as a referee, institute an instant replay, but it's a live instant replay.
So, like, if you didn't see it, you're like, stop.
Do it again.
Do it again, just like you did it, exactly You promised.
Now, it's been a long time since I watched pro wrestling, but I don't remember the referees having storylines.
So,
maybe big character arc growth, maybe big wrestling things going on over here.
You turn away, you look at a picture of a lost love, maybe.
Somebody you haven't seen since you signed up for referee school, but once you get out, you're going back there and you're going to propose to them.
Yes.
Something like that.
And then you get murdered in the ring.
hey now hold on let's explore that that seems bad but you come back oh and you're your own you're your own twin there to get revenge but only as you're refereeing you're not it's so important you you can't cross that line yeah no you're not hugely unprofessional you're not a wrestler you are a referee and you should take pride in that you come out third because i think it's wrestler wrestler but this time now angry referee comes out to their own theme music and they're like i'm gonna gonna make sure you lose by cheating and fudging calls okay that actually you murdered my brother okay the referee should be first otherwise how can they protect the sanctity of the ring you know what if they what if the ref doesn't go first and they try to use that opportunity to hide ladders and like you know what i mean hammers and things like the ref has to be there from the beginning so you can make sure there are no hammers hidden anywhere
make it yeah before every match do a 30-minute sweep of the perimeter.
I got to make sure, guys, they tuck all kinds of
everybody in the first four rows, you need to pick up these folding chairs and move them back.
This is not a safe situation.
These chairs could be picked up and used against the wrestlers.
Here's what I think is going to set you apart, not only from other Richmond professional wrestling referees, but any referee ever.
You're going to build a big cloud that you can sit in.
Okay.
It flies around.
You're going to need to hook this up to a thing.
And you're over the whole ring.
That's cool.
Are we thinking like Jesus Christ or Goku?
No, I was thinking more like the turtle guy in Mario Kart that follows you around.
And every so often, if a wrestler breaks the rules, you just lower down a little fishing hook.
You grab that wrestler, you take him up, and you take him back over to the corner.
That's cool.
Jesus Christ can actually do that too.
Oh, he's a fisher of men.
That is true.
I'll scoop you right up, baby.
Since Vatican II, he has been able to.
That's a Vatican II edition, yes huh it's a new upgrade does he charge you coins when he does that no that's in Vatican 2.3 oh
I am I love the John Cena skin in Vatican 2.3 I when they added lightsabers though I thought it broke you yeah for sure I'm currently being harassed by a goose at my place of work I enter and leave out a side door every day that few other people use, but lately there has been an aggressive goose blocking the way.
I've never had any problems with geese before, but this goose, whom I've named Moose, as I am also afraid of those, hisses and bites at me as soon as I get close to the door.
Here's the kicker.
He does not harass anyone else who uses the door.
He happily waddles away for them.
Brothers, animals have always liked me, so why does it sound like this goose wants me dead?
And how do I make amends with it?
That's from a goose in need of guidance.
Are you here?
They got him.
Oh, no, No.
The goose was outside.
You're going to enjoy a comedy show tonight.
I think that
I might have seen a little window there at the end.
The problem is you're worried about making amends with the goose.
Okay.
Maybe everyone else has established goose dominance.
Yeah, yeah.
How do they do that?
Head bunk.
That does seem like maybe the only thing a goose would understand.
Yeah, you're not going to be able to like show your goose your bank account and they're like, whoa, whoa, shit, real high earner.
Sit them down, show them pictures to your kids.
Like, I'm happy, I'm totally satisfied with my life.
And the goose is like, damn, you got it all figured out right now.
Damn, man, I wish I was you.
Shit, dude.
Maybe you're the lucky goose.
You've already been thoroughly informed.
Thank you for that laugh, by the way.
Yeah, it doesn't make any lucky goose isn't like a
thing.
It is, right?
Yeah.
A lucky duck is a thing, you fucking lunatics.
And a goose.
is a
silly goose is a thing.
And a golden goose.
You fucking man.
What do you think the opposite goes?
Don't encourage him when you know he's wrong.
We have two more shows this week.
What do you guys think is the opposite of a silly goose?
Because I think it's a business penguin, and I don't know.
Don't try to pull this thing out of the fire with a great bon malt like business penguin.
You've already lost.
The goose knows your number.
The goose knows your number.
You work for the goose now.
You work for the goose now here's what you got to do you got to go back th the one thing you got about goose is they're dumb you could go back big chunky heel okay big pompadour you've gained six inches now yes you go back you have a large thick impressive mustache like like you were in in a fog hat or something and you look at the goose and say hey my name's jeff i'm justin's older brother and i hear that you've been making some trouble now the goose is dumb yeah goose is like oh shit,
different guy, you know, like whatever.
And then you were like, if you causing me more problems, you get it.
From that point, no, keep going.
I don't quite get it yet.
What do you say to the goose?
Well, if you're like,
I'll grab that gorgeous neck of yours and just start shaking it.
Is it important to compliment the goose's neck as you
are you going for an enemies to lovers thing?
Listen, I can't give away all of Jeff's story.
It's only season one.
Oh, good boy.
We've got some things.
So you're going to count him onto Cristo the goose.
we've got some things planned out i see maybe show up wearing that dress that bjork one wore to like the grammys or whatever and it was a swan and the goose like oh shit oh look at this sick freak i'm not crossing them it might get goose horny though and no one wants that ain't no horny like a goose horny because a goose horny don't stop
That is true, scientifically speaking.
Once a goose gets horny,
I don't think I said anything wrong.
I think that was all accurate.
It never stopped.
I don't want anybody to get upset about this, but I do feel very strongly about it, and I believe it a lot.
I do think you should punch the goose because
the one thing that we have as people...
Now, listen, thank you for agreeing.
The one thing that we have as people, and it's not a lot, but we can.
One of these, you know?
Yeah.
And it doesn't have to be for any kind of reason.
It could just be because,
out of my way, goose.
And that goose needs to believe that with his whole soul not that they have souls but like you get it could you at least hire a stunt goose to punch in front of the goose so at least then it's complicit in it yeah are you saying get a goose from the market no
highly trained
stunt goose what if you get the goose as big as me from the shop window yeah
cover it back in feathers kill it when it's looking and like that motherfucker killed the biggest goose I've ever seen in my fucking life on Christmas on Christmas morning he kills the biggest goose I've ever seen rips its feathers out in front of us hey can I don't know what happened to the head PS it's gone
has anyone ever thought about that from the perspective of the shop owner who has a goose hanging in the window and it's Christmas Day and he's like if I haven't sold this fucking thing by today I'm gonna have to throw away the biggest goose I've ever turned out
the goose store owner is the one who organized the whole ghost thing just
I got him
goose.
I thought I was so smart.
I made it so expensive, but nobody bought it.
No, I just got this big old stinky goose.
And my wife told me, don't buy the goose as big as that orphan child.
And I said, somebody's going to want this goose, Deborah.
She said, Michael, 30 crowns is ridiculous.
I said, nobody knows how many crowns is.
It's monopoly money, Deborah.
What are you eating for lunch?
Because that could be a real goose attraction vector.
Oh, I thought you meant start a conversation with the goose.
I thought you were saying, hey, what are you?
I thought you were saying eat the goose for lunch.
I guess there are a lot of ways that, I guess there's a lot of ways that that sentence could be read.
And I apologize for being...
All of them work.
No more apologies, 2025.
Hey.
I don't like that as the motto.
Just for us personally.
No, wait, not even that.
It's not good.
Travis, so...
Here we are with our friends in Richmond.
Hi, everybody.
Hi.
And I thought it would be fun to get the crowd involved and the crowd at home involved with a little play along at home special edition.
I have a tummy ache and you're doing this on stage.
By the way, this is the first time I heard audible booze in the audience, and I want you to know
you are brave.
You are brave.
You guys are going to love this.
Okay.
Because here's what's up.
I have 10 questions.
Fuck yeah.
And I have 10 $10 bills.
Wait, what?
And if my brothers get their questions right, I will give them $10 per question.
I dropped $10 backstage and then was so weird about it.
And now I know
why.
But if the round passes, right, if they don't get the questions right, I'm going to ask people in the audience.
Oh, my God.
And if you get probably people in the front, let's be honest.
Sorry about that.
Sorry.
I will give them the money.
yeah
that's it that's so gonna go so bad I'm so excited okay there's people putting up a situation there's people in our work slack who are here talking about this in our work slack right now I agree everyone it is an incredible idea okay Travis the first round's about supernatural yeah fuck you
No, no, no, no, fuck you.
Also, you've created a situation where if we get questions right, the audience will be upset.
Griffin.
Yeah, sure.
Seen.
In season six, Dean is given the chance to name a monster he first encountered.
What does he name them?
Oh, he definitely calls him Piss Whistle, the Devils.
Why are you so angry, Griffin?
I've put my own money on the line to make this fun for you.
Okay.
Gollum, with your fucking impossible riddles.
I don't watch this television program, and you know that.
Justin, in Supernatural, Cassiel says to Dean at their fancy.
Are you you not going to ask the audience what for Team Dallas?
Okay, sorry, I've misunderstood the fucking rules of this game.
Because somebody needs to get both questions right to get.
Jesus.
Okay, Justin, in Supernatural, Cassiel says to Dean at their first meeting, I am the one who gripped you tight and what?
I am the one who gripped you tight and
made you whole.
Beautiful, but not correct.
Does someone here?
You know both answers?
Okay, what are the answers?
Yeah, Jefferson.
Correct!
This is probably illegal.
Okay, then look it up.
Congratulations!
Justin.
Yeah.
That's very good, Telly Buddy, cosplay.
I feel it in my genuine soul right now.
Oh, with the cap and everything.
It's just
wonderful.
Hit me.
For college, I attended the University of Oklahoma.
That's Sagan.
For college, I attended the University of Oklahoma.
No kidding.
Yeah.
What is the OU?
Oh, that wasn't the.
What is the OU call and response cheer?
Boomer Sooner.
Correct.
Thank you so much.
And did you hear the fucking response?
Because they were like, that's $10 I'm not going to get.
Griffin.
This bit, Travis, you are finding new ways to make entertainment.
Griffin,
where does the school mascot of the University of Oklahoma get its name?
Fucking the wagons that they took out on the Oregon Trail to the Great
Incorrect.
Does anyone know?
Yes, you know?
What is it?
Perfect.
Excellent.
Ten dollars for you.
But the wagons.
Enjoy the 10 bucks.
That's so cool.
I got 10 bucks too.
Paul, but the wagons are, aren't the wagons also called school?
They're called schooners.
That's what you're thinking of.
Just
Griffin.
In How to Train Your dragon.
Oh, great.
Hiccups, twin schoolmates.
Hiccups
are named Rough Nut and what?
Pisswistle.
Incorrect.
Justin, Hiccups' dad is known as Blank the Blank.
Skimbleshanks the railway cat.
So close.
You know?
Okay, what is it?
Correct!
Wow, congratulations.
What was fucking Rough Nut's twin?
Tough nut.
I gotta see these fucking movies, man!
Okay, Griffin.
Is this it?
No.
Fuck.
These questions are about Wonder Man.
Spoken like somebody that doesn't have $10.
Griffin, Wonder Man
has two brothers.
Man.
Vision is his younger brother.
Who is his older brother?
Ultron.
No.
But Vision is Ultron's younger brother.
No.
I really, here's, can I say something, Travis?
Since I realize that Justin has $10 and I do not,
I want to get one of these right pretty bad.
Hey, Grubbin, can I just say, I have not appreciated $10 that I've earned.
I can't tell you how long it's been since I've loved $10 this much.
I've already got some snacks in the lobby of our hotel.
I'm already thinking about they had some sour, gummy lifestyle.
Oh, man, fuck.
And it said cash old.
Justin, what alias did Wonder Man use in an alternate future when aiding the Guardians of the Galaxy?
Booster Gold.
Incorrect.
Gimbal Shanks the Railway King.
Incorrect.
Fuck.
Does anyone know?
Yes, what are they?
Graham Reaper.
Graham Reaper was his brother.
Do you know?
I'll give you a break.
Just get on $10 fucking dollars.
Paul?
Paul, I think that's in the fucking balcony, my man.
I'm so sorry.
The game is fucked up, right?
Okay, one more round.
Dad just texted me that dad knew the answer, so I'm going to give him $10.
No, wait.
It was,
Dad, it was Hollywood.
That is correct.
I'm going to give dad $10.
So now Dad has $10, and Justin has $10.
This game sucks ass.
This is such a hyper-targeted game that out of the over a thousand people in the room, two of the people with $10 are on this stage in his family.
Like, so far, that's the odds.
This is for dad.
Okay, so I said, Dad, one last round, this is about pirates and daddy.
No, dad, stop, Dad.
No, Dad, Dad, I'll wait for him out to get it.
No, Dad is just dying to.
No, Dad.
Sorry.
This is a $10, guys.
It's driving him crazy.
Dad, I promise I'll bring it to you.
Justin.
Yeah.
In Pirates of the Caribbean, Curse of the Black Pearl, what is the name of the naval officer who is Will's rival for the love of Elizabeth?
Bill?
I'm looking for the last
Bill Sykes.
Bill Sykes is incorrect.
Griffin.
Wanda Sykes
What is the name of the monkey in Pirates of the Caribbean?
I'll get this.
I'll get this
It's not piss whistle as bad as I want it to say that Chippy bananas donkey call
I didn't call anyone from over here.
Yes
Correct
job We called the monkey Jack
It's Norrington and Jack.
Thank you everybody for playing.
Win Travis McElroy's money.
It's fun.
And you guys are cool reimbursing me out of the project.
This is what I do like, is that I didn't win $10, but I also didn't lose $100.
I don't see him losing.
I provided enjoyment.
On this stage, I came in second place.
I mean, I guess if dad...
And Justin.
Third place.
My sister's birthday is in about a month, and she loves Frazier.
What are some fun Frasier-themed things that I can do for her?
And that's from I'm Listening to Your Suggestions.
Are you here?
All right.
It's Frasier the original, right now, Frasier the Reboot.
There's so much lore in Fraser the Reboot.
Well, it's after the zombies attack.
Right.
It was after he tore down the pillars of sin.
Do you guys remember at the end of the first run of Fraser where he tears down the pillars of sin?
I remember that.
He causes the fourth impact and it happens right in Seattle.
Yeah.
And the dog talks.
Yeah, right at the end.
Niles turns into juice.
The dog talks.
It's a kick-ass episode of television.
At first blush,
Richmond, Virginia does not seem to be
that close to Seattle where Frasier is.
You mean like physically?
You you look at a map, right?
We're talking about climate-wise, it's going to be tough to evoke that Fraser feeling.
Or the Pacific Northwest, the moody sort of thing.
If you were to draw a line, it's pretty far away.
Is what I'm saying?
This is not close to Seattle at all.
So we've got to recreate the experience here.
I looked it up.
You all do have a needle, like in Seattle.
It's called the
Richmond needle.
Yeah,
it's on the RVA Reddit.
I don't know.
it just says Richmond needle.
I don't know.
So you guys can look into that if you want, but that's the closest you have to a needle.
And next up would be like,
who's like your guys' big radio psychiatrist?
Because I Googled it and I was like biggest radio psychiatrist in Richmond.
And I don't have a lot of hits on that one.
So I don't know if you guys have
I think it's just syndicated Fraser.
Now right there that like it was so low-hanging, it was almost touching the ground, was the fruit served toss salad and scrambled eggs.
And you went with, I'm going to Google.
Recreate Fraser on the opposite end of the nation.
I know you can get toss salad and scrambled eggs in Richmond, Virginia, right?
I'm trying to evoke that Fraser feeling, guys.
You could also probably find an old man in the chair pretty easily.
Yeah, Travis, that would be really helpful.
Thank you for finally being productive.
I think you're just yelling at me.
It would be easier to Google Martin Crane Impersonator.
Slow down, I can't type that fast.
Martin Crane impersonator brings on chair, Richmond area.
Yeah, yeah.
Because we want to expand it out.
Yeah.
M4M.
And that stands for my Forster's birthday.
Martin for my sister.
Martin for my sister.
Now, this is important.
Does he need to bring his own dog or not?
Because that's going to cost you extra.
Yeah, that's a little extra.
Oh, the coffee.
Also, according to the RVA Reddit,
Roastology and the Ironclad.
Those are the places you want to go for the best coffee.
So you take it to those places, and then in every one, you're like, you smell it, right?
You smell the Fraser Vescence.
You smell the Fraser, like that distinct.
I mean, that Fraser feeling.
I can't try to say it another way, but it is that Frasier feeling.
So you do a whole day.
You go to this needle that you guys are obviously crazy about.
What looks like a broadcast tower.
It is a broadcast tower.
I don't think it's a landmark.
I think it's a broadcast tower.
Someone put a picture of it.
I mean, you found it on the bottom.
And now is the old man in the chair with the dog at the tower or the coffee shop.
This post is from 10 days ago.
I know the needle is still there, okay?
Just go look at it yourself.
Then you take them to a coffee.
Paul, Google Seattle.
No, Richmond, yeah.
Google Richmond Space Needle, and then go to the RVA Reddit, right?
And then there's a picture there, and people are going to see it and be like, oh, shit, the needle.
I don't know why we were giving it such a
hard time.
And so then you take your sister to a coffee shop and you say.
Not just any coffee shop, the ironclad or roastology to get that Fraser feeling.
And while you're in the coffee shop, you say, we're getting coffee, just like they did on Frasier.
Happy birthday.
You're paying.
Because I spent every cent I had hiring this Martin Crane impersonator who brings his own chair.
But he got the date wrong.
And he didn't want to.
Yeah.
He'll be here next week.
Oh, but it's the same day you have that surgery.
Oh, no.
No.
Can I ask, do you guys know about Frasier?
Or are you?
That's about a third.
That was about a third.
I will say that that just about tracks.
Yep.
That does make sense.
I think you could probably just get your sister Fraser on DVD and she'd be happy with that because probably doesn't have a lot of people to talk to about Fraser.
Maybe that's it.
Maybe for your sister's birthday, you say you have one hour to tell me everything you can remember about Fraser, everything you want to tell me about fan theories about Fraser, everything, every deleted scene in Blooper you've ever seen, and I will not make a face.
Nope.
I will not be judgmental.
Nope.
And I'll just be here for it and let them, and I guarantee they're going to get 15 minutes in and run out of steam.
Yeah.
And then you're set and then you take him to coffee with an old man in a chair.
I think a kick-ass party is you sit your sister down and you just put on that video of Kelsey Gramer falling off the stage on like an hour-long loop.
That's gonna treat you just right.
And maybe in reverse.
So this time because your sister loves Fraser so much.
It looks like Fraser's crazy.
He's not terribly injured.
And Paul, I'm gonna need you to pull that up now.
A reverse Kelsey Grammar falling off the stage.
How about another question?
If you could pull up a reverse Kelsey Grammar falling off the stage in front of the Richmond Needle.
That would be so dope.
Yeah, just Photoshop that for me, Paul.
Sometimes we give Paul little activities to do.
We don't have a lot of sort of technical requirements for our show, so we don't want him to get bored.
We'll give him a story.
And he finishes the word search so quickly these days.
I am a special agent for the state.
And I'm also an avid
avid musical theater fan.
It is not uncommon for me to be belting out some of my favorite numbers in the car as I do a lot of driving.
One of my coworkers witnessed one of my showstoppers while I was following them and they described seeing someone in uniform screaming in their car.
This is quote, quote, screaming in their car as they go down the road as unsettling.
I've tried to adjust by singing everything in Deadpan, but it just feels like I'm yawning.
Brothers, how can I continue to support the arts in my heart while not also freaking out the public?
That's from Really Regret Riding in RVA.
Are you here?
Yep.
Yep.
Are you the guy from Storage Wars?
I just want to say that
if you take a thing that looks like screaming and don't alter that part, but rather make your face deadpants.
It sounds like you know the part that you gotta fix.
Because I don't think that looks like yawning.
Yeah.
If you're trying...
Yeah.
If you're trying to scream without a look like you're screaming, that's kind of my thing.
I'm doing it all the time.
So it's,
the number is very important, right?
Because the threatening, like of a les mis, where you have a javer and a valjean, like squaring off, right?
Yeah.
I don't think you want it to be a duet because then there's extended periods where you are very animated and then you still have to buy it in the moment.
And that's probably worse to see is someone listening with intent in their car.
Just kind of like well.
And reacting, Valjean, how dare?
Like, yeah.
Ad libbing, maybe throw in an ad lib.
It doesn't, I don't know exactly what your job entails, but I don't think it's a Special agent for the state.
It's all there.
But I don't want you doing a two-hander in the front seat of your
vehicle.
I think.
I think you went the wrong direction because you took it and you said, I made it more deadpan.
I think you got to juzh it up.
I think you need some like sparkly curtains in there.
You need some jazz hands.
Automobile.
Yes.
Okay, and you're going to need some maybe lighting effects, maybe stage makeup.
Great, yeah, for sure.
Oh, oh, like I think you should leave.
You should have a phantom mask decal on the window.
Fucking wow.
So that as you sing, you turn your...
You lean into it.
Oh, that's good.
Shit, man.
What if just all over your windows and windshields, you had different masks?
So depending on where you moved your face, you could be
any kind of drama.
But it is a government vehicle, so that might create some cars.
Park next to the other special agent cars and be like, which one's yours?
The one with all the drama masks on it I think your coworker just fell for one of the oldest special agent tests in the world and that's keep your eye on the road oh okay
there's a lot of the danger I gotta say it's the danger to like I googled it
dignitaries and passports as near as I could tell sorry what's that job again special agents as near as I can tell from googling mainly cover visiting dignitaries and passport crime that's my best guess from a cursory Google.
I didn't read the website closely, but the two things, I did admit it being a cursory Google, I think I made that pretty clear.
Yeah, passport crime and protecting visiting dignitaries, I think.
Was there a visiting dignitary in your car while you were building Shotans?
Because that's incredible.
What a wonderful, immersive experience you must be giving them.
Or was there a passport burglar in the car?
You never know what's great because, yeah, listen, this passport isn't going to grant you entry to this country, but it is going to grant you one ticket to the greatest show on the road.
Get in here.
I'm doing all the works from a brand new brain or whatever it's called.
Brand new brain?
Brand new brain.
What's it called?
Brand new brain.
Travis, you got it in one.
And we'll be right back.
Bye!
It's hallelujah.
Hi, we're the Macroid Brothers.
You've just got us on tour.
That's right.
We're recording these on the road.
And when we travel, we mail ourselves in giant envelopes like Flat Stanley does.
That's right.
That's true, Travis.
We let ourselves get squished with a big bulletin board and we mail ourselves like Flat Stanley does it.
This used to be 88% more of a fucking pain in the ass because it used to be a lot more expensive before we found out about the stamps.com.
And then they started hooking us up with some rates we couldn't find anywhere else that were up to 88% off the USPS USPS and UPS.
Now, getting a bicycle pump and having our daddy pump us back up into normal people, that's still on us.
Stamps can't help us with that.
I don't want, that's an intimate process.
I don't want stamps.com.
Stamps will not re-inflate you.
There's noises that happen during that that no other human being should be forced to hear.
Have more flexibility in your life with stamps.com.
Sign up at stamps.com and use code MyBrother for a special offer that includes a four-week trial, plus free postage, and a free digital scale.
No long-term commitments commitments or contracts just go to stamps.com code my brother you know we talk about stamps.com a lot trust us if you haven't done it stop listening to it just do it it'll make your life a lot more convenient it's going to change everything it's going to change everything just like when the big bulletin board fell on me and it did squish me flat which is very fun and funny but what they don't tell you in flat stanley is i also did extreme severe damage to all of my internal organs and you know griffin went when you're living in a new area it can be hard to find a reinflation doctor that you can trust.
Yeah.
One that can tuck all those internal organs back in your body after you've been squeezed flat.
When you get squeezed flat, there's nowhere for the organs and bones to go.
Yeah, too true.
And so I did need a special doctor for that, and I did find them on ZocDoc.
Wow, wow.
Yeah, you would think Washington, D.C., you can't throw a stick without hitting an inflation doctor.
Inflation doctor, you must be talking about Joseph Biden.
I don't.
Is he a doctor?
Good Christ Almighty and Jesus.
Political stuff.
You guys political stuff.
It says actually right here in in the ad copy for ZocDoc, it says get extra political on this one.
It says get nasty on Joe Biden on this one.
Zoc Doc is a free app and website where you can search and compare high quality.
It's at the bottom.
Okay.
Where you can compare high quality in-network doctors, choose the right one for your needs and click to instantly book an appointment.
We're talking about in-network appointments with more than 100,000 healthcare providers across every specialty from mental health, dental health, eye care to skincare, and much more.
Plus, Zock Doc appointments happen fast, usually within 24 to 72 hours of booking you can even score same-day appointments i really have used zoc doc um more more times than i can count to find very specialists and doctors in washington dc doctors i swore to we found the best doctors and it wasn't till zoc doc that we found griffin the best doctors
get the health he needs you know when i need real medical advice on whether or not people understand a flat stanley reference in 2025, I look for that doctor on ZocDoc.
And then ZocDoc tells me, we don't have doctors for that.
And And then I say, what about, I don't know, eye exams?
And they're like, yeah, we can do that.
Yeah, we actually can do that.
Stop putting off those doctors' appointments.
Go to zocdoc.com slash my brother to find and instantly book a top-rated doctor today.
That's z-oc-d-oc-c.com slash my brother.
ZocDoc.com slash my brother.
Now, we also have some announcements we want to tell you about.
First of all, thank you to everybody who came out for the Raleigh and Charlotte and Richmond shows.
It was a wonderful time.
Thank you all for being there.
We got more coming up.
We're coming to the Origins Game Fair in Columbus, Ohio, June 19th through the 22nd.
Tickets are on sale now for that and for shows in Michigan, Minnesota, and Ohio.
All TAS shows this
go-round are going to be TAZ versus.
You can get all the info and ticket links at bit.ly slash macroy tours.
We got that new merch over at the merch store, including the ether seed dice designed by Evelyn.
Gorgeous.
Make sure you check those out.
And 10% of all merch proceeds this month will be donated to the National Immigration Project.
So go check that out.
Come see us on tour and keep it so chill, like casual.
It doesn't have to be a big deal.
It's crazy.
And we'll see you next.
We'll catch you on the flip.
All right, we're over 70 episodes into our show.
Let's learn everything.
So let's do a quick progress check.
Have we learned about quantum physics?
Yes.
Episode 59.
We haven't learned about the history of gossip yet, have we?
Yes, we have.
Same episode, actually.
Have we talked to Tom Scott about his love of roller coasters?
Episode 64.
So, how close are we to learning everything?
Bad news, we still haven't learned everything yet.
Oh, we're ruined!
No, no, no, it's good news as well.
There is still a lot to learn.
Woo!
I'm Dr.
Ella Hubber.
I'm regular Tom Lum.
I'm Caroline Roper, and on Let's Learn Everything, we learn about science and a bit of everything else too.
And although we haven't learned everything yet, I've got a pretty good feeling about this next episode.
Join us every other Thursday on Maximum Fun.
What the fuck is happening?
We clearly didn't sound check this.
Richard is gonna wear himself out.
Hi, you're welcome.
It's me, Richard Stink.
I'm back on the show.
Hi, Richard.
Richard, you need to let us know when you're going to be on the show so we can sound check your intro music.
Sounded really, really super good to me.
Sorry, you don't party.
You need to let us know also so we can move the helmet out of the way so you don't know what's stripover.
Yeah, I thought you paid a guy to do that.
Richard,
your sound cue blasted a kidney stone from me and then put a new one in it.
Yeah, right.
It's actually
ambroxen.
It's a rock of pure fragrance hidden inside your belly.
What?
When you pass it, it will be so fresh in your bathroom.
You will thank me later.
When I pass a kidney stone, it makes my bathroom smell so good, I'll thank you.
When I give you the kidney stone, yeah.
Awesome.
Will it make a plink noise?
Because that's happened to me before.
No, it's a...
I didn't say plink when I passed the kidney stone, Richard.
Yeah, that's the sound the kidney stone makes when it hits the wall.
And it will say, ah?
It's effervescent.
Time for a quiz.
Guys, I want to learn a little bit more about you.
All right.
I always ask you your five signature scents for spring or summer or any season.
Yeah.
And you say, I don't even have ah cent, let alone many cents.
I do.
And then you ask us a lot about our walk with Christ.
Well, guess what?
That's later.
Right now, I'm going to give you a quiz.
I found it on WikiHow, your favorite site.
So just to clarify, Richard, right now you're combining giving us a test on stage and WikiHow.
Yeah, just the two segments we've already done.
Just to warn me the energy would be weird with you.
All right, here we go.
Wait, you talk to Justin off stage?
I talk with Justin every day.
It's Justin, then Christ, then Justin again.
The old Justin Christ sandwich.
Can I like to catch him up?
Hey, listen, it's time for a question.
Can you put catch him up on your Christ-Justin sandwich?
I'm going to do a Chris for both of you so I get a scent that encapsulates both your spirit and soul.
A sense of our sense.
Okay.
Big guy, you're first.
How would you describe?
Which one of us is the big guy?
How would you describe?
If you have to ask, it's not you.
How would you describe?
Sorry.
I mean, it's true.
I'm a burly princess.
I mean, if you have to ask.
All right, how would you describe it since you love best?
Hey, you've done a lot of tongue working.
Sweet and hugged.
Sweet and flirty.
Warm and spicy.
Sultry and seductive.
Or fun and happy, man.
Wait, what was the third one?
And the fourth one.
It's sultry and seductive.
Down here.
Sultry and seductive.
Or fun and happy.
There's 12.
Answer quick.
Sorry.
Sorry.
What was...
Fun and happy, sultry and seductive.
I don't need to keep saying that one.
It's not that.
It's warm and spicy.
Sweet and flirty.
Definitively, it's not sultery.
It's definitely not the third one.
If you say it, I won't mark it.
So sweet and flirty, warm and spicy, fun and happy.
I'm warm and spicy.
Thank you.
Easy.
Griffin.
Yeah.
Pick a location.
Why?
Okay.
The beach at midnight.
There's no sound, but there is a crashing wave.
Cozy kitchen with a wave.
There's no sound, but there's there's a crashing wave.
No sound.
So a silent crashing wave.
I did the accent wrong again, man.
This English, unbelievable.
It's my first language.
It's just hard.
A cozy kitchen with cookies baking in the oven and the snow falling outside.
Or a misty English countryside garden early morning, pip hip.
Bright, bustling city on a summer day.
I mean, cookies in the city.
In the Vespa, cruising through the city streets.
It sounds like you're jazzing on some of these, these, Rich.
I thought you like jazz.
Come on, answer.
Cookies in the kitchen, Richard.
Gourmand.
Look in the mirror.
What do you see, big guy?
Myself?
Someone trying to hide?
Oh.
Royalty?
Well, royalty, someone who could get anyone they want, easy.
Or I just see me, no more, no less.
Oh, royalty.
Oh, no, first thought, best thought.
All right.
Griffin, what do you...
Oh, you know my name now.
That's cool.
You've been Griffin both times.
What smell do you gravitate towards, man?
Bouquet of fresh flowers
or a snicker-doodle dog?
How come I can't?
This seems to see you.
I like how you phrased it like it was two owners competing over which one the dog really loved.
And you had fresh flowers over here and snickerdood over here, and which one does Griffin go towards?
We got two.
Weak old puppy.
Not that W-E-A-K.
Yeah.
Look at that weak old puppy.
The weak old puppy got jack disease.
It's hysterical.
I mean,
even in the other context, weak old puppy sounds like leftovers of the worst variety.
Also, a weak old puppy isn't going anywhere.
No.
And it doesn't.
So do you like a smell of it?
Or is it bad?
Can I have it?
It does say, oh, I thought you were talking about my dog thing, but literally one of the options is a weak old puppy.
Yeah.
Or the woods after a heavy rain.
Oh, I like woods after a heavy rain.
Easy God.
Travis, if you were an item at a thrift store what would you be on sale a vintage wedding dress a string of pearls a wicker cabinet or a half empty bottle of perfume that's sorry those are my only options this is the only one that has a i would be an old ass wedding dress okay perfect no sorry that was the question the die is cast he already cleaned don't play games with me baby do you believe in griffin do you believe in fate
it's important to your sin journey Yeah, I guess so.
Yeah, I know it's on there.
Do you want the choices?
Yeah, sure.
Totally.
I think so.
That's what you said.
This in there.
I'm not even going further.
Travis, what sounds do you normally wear?
Masculine, feminine, gender neutral, or I'm going to wear whatever.
How is there a difference between gender neutral and I wear whatever?
Yeah, I don't have a really good answer, but like, and not a funny one, at least.
You want to push a button or do you want me to wear it?
Gender neutral.
Thank you.
Griffin, where do you wear perfume?
Smell him and tell me if it's here, Travis.
I wouldn't recommend it, man.
Actually, can I say, I had a bottle of hair oil come open in my luggage last time I traveled with this outfit, and so it smells a little bit like hair oil.
And that ain't half bad, folks.
The other half is bad, but half of it is pretty good.
Hey, listen, Griffin, where do you wear perfume?
To sleep, just to work our school on hot dates or fun nights out?
Or I don't usually wear perfume.
Do people wear perfume to sleep?
Sorry, is there a fifth option on here that says I don't normally wear perfume?
If you do the answer, you're saying why you do this whole class.
I will put on a scent for a date with my wife sometimes.
Beautiful.
All right.
So cool.
Wow.
We really love it, Griffin.
Very funny.
Travis, what's your vibe?
What's your vibe?
Fresh and clean, glamorous and classic, whimsical and witchy, or happy-go-lucky or friendly?
Or fresh and clean.
Can I be glamorous and witchy?
Absolutely not.
I'll pick one for you.
Okay.
Griffin, what do you value the most?
Comfort, passion, adventure, love, or your brothers?
The brothers is not on there.
Yeah, it says it right there.
I gotta say then brothers.
Pick a different one, though, just in case.
Just in case what?
And not on there, man.
Passion, adventure.
Jerry shouldn't have listened to your heart.
I pushed passion.
You said it first.
Travis.
What would you describe yourself as a leader or a follower?
There's only two choices?
Definitely a leader.
Probably more of a follower.
Neither.
I go off on my own.
And I guess if people follow you, you hide from them.
I'd rather be a follower, but people look to me to leave.
How is that not reversed?
I'd rather be a leader, but just pick one.
I'm a leader, damn it.
Just gotta pick one, man.
Right?
Do you guys think I'm a leader?
Rich.
Definitely.
A true leader has to ask other people if he's a leader.
That had such huge Jeb Bush please clap energy that it said
I was trying to go for a joke about being a leader who needed to be told he was a leader, and it seemed desperate.
So maybe that tells you a lot about myself, actually.
Does that answer the question?
Griffin, last question.
If you were a scent,
these fucking images, Paul, are absolutely.
If you want a scent, how would you...
This is just my desktop screensabers, man.
Don't give him a hard time.
If you were a scent.
Is that the evil planet from Fifth Element?
This is just from Dune.
It's a poster from Dune.
Listen, if you were a scent, Griffin, how would you want people to feel when they smelled you?
Turned on?
Read more options, please, Richard.
Fuck.
Why do you need more options than turned on?
Warm and fuzzy at business, getting fired at a funeral.
What do you mean?
Turned on, right?
Perfect.
You got to wait for the test to complete the calculation.
Hold on.
How intense is the processing power of the wiki?
It's gotta go to, I guess it's doing an ad actually.
I think you have to push the arrow.
I can't push the arrow.
It'll open the ad.
I'm sure of it, man.
Nope.
Wait.
Yeah, I'll push the arrow.
Nope.
Griffin, you're the one that knows about it.
Hold on, fix it.
This is actively stealing all your data.
No, man.
No, don't go backwards.
We've already come so far.
No, it's the ad again, Griffin.
Come on.
There it is.
You're amber.
Ember is the color of the energy.
You're amber.
That's Sandalwood.
I'm Richard Sting.
Thank you so much for your time.
I appreciate it.
Richard, if you don't mind sticking around, I'd love to do some live audience questions.
And we actually do have one for Richard.
If we could get Tim H.
Hey, you had a question for Richard Stink.
As fate would have it, he's here.
Excellent.
Yes, Yes, I
followed Richard's advice earlier, and my wife's biggest fandom is for Antonio Benderis.
And so I learned that there was Antonio Benderis fragrance, and I bought it for her
for Christmas, even though it was for me.
So that I would be the gift.
But I'm not sure that it is.
You felt great saying that sentence out loud, didn't you?
I could tell.
Go ahead.
So that I may become the vessel of Antonio Bender's and be the gift
but I'm not sure it's strong enough or potent enough I was wondering if you knew of any other celebrity oriented fragrances that might be even more effective what is what is what is your name Tim Tim is Tim
Tim I'm so sorry Tim we've never done this before no one's asked Richard a question at a live podcast before he's gonna he'll say some stuff that's probably a little rude okay listen Tim.
I listen.
I've smelled Antonio Bender's entire line.
Every single one of them is strong enough for a Tim.
Okay?
Trust me, man.
Trust me.
It's not.
Trust me.
This is spray number.
You got to use the patented Richard Stink 13 spray technique.
Wow.
Three on the wrist, three on the wrist, six on the legs.
If you insist,
that's only 12, Richard.
Where does the 13th go?
This is the puzzle you must solve with my answering my riddles
in the new Dan Brown novel.
So, Tim, Des Spraymore, does that help a question?
Hey, Tim, since your wife is in the Antonio Banderas fandom,
is there an internal struggle between whether it's the Fantonios or the Fanderis's?
Is there a ruling on that?
Do I must be here for this?
You don't, Richard.
You can actually go.
Thank you so much, Richard.
Thank you so much, Richard Stank.
Thank you so much, Tim.
Man, you guys aren't going to believe this, but I see Richard Stink just off stage getting fully nude.
And it's a lot of like a Sailor Moon type transition, which is amazing.
Wow, that's so weird.
Hey, Juice, you're back.
Hey, welcome.
Hey, we're just doing the show, man.
What were you doing?
Griffin gave me his food poisoning.
It's true.
Communicable food poisoning is the worst.
Hello.
Hey, you guys helped me get rid of 10,000 Orbies last year for my school dance.
Yes.
Can you get right up on the microphone there for me?
Yes, and you're going to have to be more specific.
We make a lot of Orbies disappear on this show.
We're three men with a very particular set of skills.
That's great.
They had me help with decorating the school dance last year, but the Orbies just wouldn't go away.
Yeah.
So we ended up giving them to Pennywise per your suggestion.
Excellent.
Yeah, that'll do it every time.
And Pennywise liked that.
He loved it because then it took away all the water and he could have more guests.
So it took, sorry, in this fiction, and this may have been jokes we made a year.
I forget jokes I make about two weeks after I make them.
I don't remember Act One of this show.
Yeah, so I don't remember saying give Pennywise all the Orby so it sucks up the water so he has more room for kids.
No.
But that doesn't
be wild if Pennywise was like I'd love to have more kids down here.
Dang if I can find their room.
It's so wet in the in the sewers.
So, Bonnie,
is it just checking in to let us know that we kicked ass?
Partially, but also they've asked me to decorate for the dance again this year.
Okay.
So, avoid orbies, but the theme is capes and crowns, and I just want to know where you guys would go with that.
Capes, capes,
capes and crowns.
Capes and crowns.
So, say if it's caps and crowns, I know what to do with 10,000 cakes, and that's give them to me.
Tell them that you're going to need 500 real diamonds, and then you're going to stage a heist.
Yeah, the greatest heist that school has ever seen you work at like richie riches elementary school right because they can afford 500 diamonds in this account no shoot you should make it capes or crowns where you get a bunch of crowns and a bunch of superhero capes and they do not connect at all what is the theme is it capes like Like superhero capes, but then like princess crowns.
I was right?
Get the fuck out.
My thing was a dumb joke.
I thought I knew it.
Basically, because they said that a lot of the superheroes and princesses have the same like color palette of like blue, red.
Oh, Bonnie, that's nothing.
Were they trying to come up with a theme the same way we come up with a here theme?
It's hard.
It's really hard.
We respect that for sure.
I'm like, I don't really know what they want me to do.
Yeah, with capes and crowns.
Okay.
Can the capes come off of the crowns?
So it's one piece.
What if they're attached to the crowns like medieval style?
if they're attached to the crowns medieval style that's going to be a tripping hazard for these clumsy elementary school students um why is your elementary school having a dance i guess is my first question they don't know what they're doing
it's an attendance incentive so if they've had a certain amount of attendance they get a ticket they get to come to school at night Oh,
kick-ass incentive.
It's so funny because it feels like if it was middle school, they wouldn't have to come as a reward.
You attended so much.
You don't have to be here, Travis.
Capes and crowns.
Capes and crowns.
Is there a superhero that wears a crown other than Jesus Christ?
Was that you exclaiming about how funny this is, or was that you thinking of your favorite superheroes from the Bible?
Because I also don't remember Jesus wearing a cape.
I think I'll raise that man from the dead.
Let me use my zapping rays.
Does that help?
No, wait, I'm not done.
Okay.
Oh, wow.
Okay, good news.
What do you got so far?
Can you give us what you've got so far to kind of like...
Sound like you're done?
Last week they told me what the theme was and told me what the colors were.
What are the colors?
Wait, Bonnie, what are the colors?
Red and blue, right?
Did I tell you the dance is like May 5th?
Oh, so it's quite soon.
Yeah.
Well, we got a month.
What are the colors?
The red, blue, and yellow.
Red, blue, and yellow.
All right, so Superman.
Yeah, thank you, Travis.
I think that was probably the initiating kind of.
Hey, Griffin, I'm doing my goddamn best.
What does that those three colors have to do with crowns, though?
I guess is my question.
I guess it's like snow white and like bell have some blue and red and yellow.
I hate to do this, but it kind of seems like can you make a competitive dance theme where it's capes versus crowns?
Yes.
Or a squid games theme.
Everyone gets a cape,
but there's one crown.
That's cool.
Elementary schoolers, for some reason, reason, can't get enough of squid games.
Yeah.
It's Mr.
Beast, isn't it?
It's Mr.
Fucking Beast.
And they love that guy because they love Mr.
S and Authority figures who can't design games.
Can you do a Mr.
Beast theme thing?
Oh, yeah, is it too late to switch to Mr.
Beast?
Capes and Crowns and Mr.
Beast.
I would.
I would.
I don't know if the PTO committee would go first.
I don't have to know.
Give them my number.
Tell them to call me.
I'll straighten them out.
No problem.
That's one of the many services we offer this podcast.
We explain to out-of-touch school superintendents who Mr.
Beast is and why it's funny to do it now in 2025 and not any time a decade ago.
Does that help, Bob?
It does help.
Thank you so much.
Thank you very much.
Thank you for checking in.
Hello.
Approach, please.
Hello.
Hi, this is Marissa with the dentist.
Hi, Marissa with the dentist.
I'm very excited for your question.
Yes, so I...
Can you angle the microphone up just a little bit so we can hear you very thank you so much?
Hello, hello.
Yes, so I chat with my dentist a lot, and our conversation had kind of come to a lull, and we're comfortable.
So, I said, Have you ever been bit before by like a client?
And he said, No.
Wait, did you say in the question by a client or just in general?
Yeah, I'm glad.
I'm glad if you're a person.
Yeah, this is actually don't answer with a joke.
I need you to tell us the 100% truth to the nearest of your recollection.
I said, Have you been bit by an adult before?
Hey, Marissa.
Hey, that's actually the worst.
The worst.
Okay, go ahead.
Is there a question, how do I find a new dentist?
Because my last dentist was like, you have to go.
You have to go.
That's actually on a list I have printed up of things you have to go if you say to the dentist.
But I like him.
He cleans my teeth good.
Have you ever been bitten by an adult?
Yes, and then he's...
He says, no, I haven't, and gets back to puts his hands in my mouth.
And
he says, put pressure so I kind of bite down a little I thought maybe he was putting in the x-ray thing and then he says again no put pressure so I thought oh okay and I like
and
he goes ow
and I realized that that was his thumb and not plastic yeah yeah and he was telling me that he was going to be putting pressure on my well he said it in a pretty crazy way I think we can all agree Marissa I was ready to judge the shit out of you let's be honest but after you asked have you ever been bit by an adult before?
And then your dentist stuck their thumb in your mouth?
There was no delay.
I asked him that.
He said, no, I bit him.
Every mistake, every mistake after the first mistake you made of asking the question is on your
scale of the initial mistake cannot be overstated.
Yes.
Because it adds a sort of premeditated element to the
bus because there's an implied, because you're gonna.
Not a premeditated so much as a trailer for the crime.
Yeah.
It was like, you know how when they have the trailer before the trailer and you're like, fuck, we're doomed, huh?
Yeah.
Anyway,
it's like a short trailer before the trailer.
If you don't have the attention span to watch a two-minute fucking trailer, yeah.
Go off K.
Don't worry, Batman's in it.
I know Batman's on the first five seconds.
He's in it later.
So, Marissa, what's your question?
Yeah, what's the question?
Not a new dentist, though.
I know, because I like him.
We get along, but he, there was no goodbye after that.
It was like, I got to go see another patient.
He laughed.
He said he believed me when I said, please, please, I promise I didn't ask you if anyone has bit you to then bite you.
Were you in biting range when he was like, I believe you?
Were you chomping like the big ball on a chain in Mario?
No.
But I guess I want to know how to start our next appointment to get him to get.
Have you ever been bitten twice by an adult?
Have you ever been bitten by an adult?
Don't answer.
I know.
I was going to say he won't remember, but he'll definitely remember.
He'll definitely, definitely, definitely remember, probably thinking about it now.
Does he like podcasts?
He likes movies.
Oh, so I'd say listen to this.
Know that I'm sorry.
Yeah.
Sorry, we only did the one movie, and I don't know that it's germane to the bit.
But hey, dentist, if you're listening, get out.
Get out of there.
You're not safe.
She knew the whole time I could see it on her face
there's lots of great dentists in the area I assume if everybody could just shout out your dentist name real quick thank you so much very helpful I heard Jesus in there impossible does that help very much so thank you guys so much thank you so much best of luck courage
Hello.
Hi.
Hey, how's it going?
Good.
How are you?
Good.
I'm good.
You having a good day?
Good.
I am having a splendid day.
Wonderful.
Who are you?
My name's Jesse.
Hi, Jesse.
She, her.
Hi, Jesse.
So I am ethically non-monogamous.
And so
I happen to have two boyfriends
who live both within an hour of me, but in different directions.
Okay.
And they have the same.
Okay.
Okay, wait.
So is it
two hours from each other?
I would have.
If math class had been about figuring out problems like that I probably would have paid attention a little bit better like gotta drive to your first boyfriend's house in this direction X00 miles.
Okay, so your question though, what is the question?
Yeah, so they both have the same birthday.
Is that how you bake them?
Unfortunately, no.
That would make my life a lot harder.
So my question is, how do I celebrate both of my boyfriends who both have birthdays on the same day?
Well, I'll tell you, this is great because two of us have the same birthday.
So let's ask the odd one out, Griffin.
How do you make Justin and I feel individually special on our shared birthday?
This is a very, very, very, very, very similar question.
Because we're kind of like...
Your context will be invaluable because the situation is basically indistinguishable.
I'm ethically brothers with you guys.
Ethically bronogamous.
Yeah.
I mean,
I call you guys separately.
I don't get you on one Zoom, which I think is pretty chill.
Which is pretty chill of you.
We should start comparing notes to see if he's got like a new bit that he's using.
But like, how long did he talk to you?
Yeah, we talked about it.
I got him with 33 seconds.
I only got just him.
You brought his whole family, huh?
Wow.
Wow.
Forgive my ignorance.
He did it right at bedtime, so you could tell he couldn't remember until the end forgive my ignorance on the topic do your uh boyfriends know each other is it a uh i don't know a
triangular situation i know we're stuck on geometry up here but is it a you couldn't throw could you throw a group bash at BW3s or is it not that kind of situation?
I think what Griffin is saying is do your boyfriends get along better with each other than they do with you?
That's not what I'm saying even a little bit at all.
That's not what I'm saying.
Even a little bit at all.
That would make, again, that would make my life easier if they did, but they know of each other.
They don't.
They haven't met, nor do they know that the other one has the same.
Because I was going to say, you know, go to Chuck E.
Cheese and, you know, fucking give them both 20 tokens and just like kick it.
That's a good one.
Do you have any friends that have twin kids that you could be like, what do you do?
Unfortunately not.
My wife and youngest son's birthdays is one day apart, which is even less relevant than Justin and Travis's thing.
So I was trying to get that.
I'm like I'm bringing it up right now.
That's easy, though, because of the pretty sizable age discrepancy between the two of them.
They're not really interested in the same birthday stuff.
You don't know.
Have you asked Rachel if she likes like puputt and like arcades and shit?
What was the second thing you said?
Pup-hutt and arcades and shit?
I mean, you're describing a Griffin birthday pretty good, but not a Rachel birthday.
Do you have maybe
one of your boyfriends likes the daytime more and one likes the nighttime?
Where you're going to be like, oh, it's noon.
I'm going to spend 6 a.m.
to noon and noon to 6 p.m.
I could probably do that.
They fall on Friday the 13th, so I feel like
every year.
Jesse, I don't want to tell you our calendars work.
Not every year.
This year.
This year, though.
Ooh, that's going to be a really.
So that's the witching hour, right?
Because it's 11 to midnight, midnight to one.
You do good, 11 to midnight, bad, midnight to one.
So which of your boyfriends is evil?
Yeah, which is the most evil one.
Griffin uses that for me and Travis, too.
He has to figure that out every year.
And you guys know.
You all know the breakdown.
Does that help, Jesse?
It does.
Is the birthday soon?
It's in June.
Oh, you got time.
Which of your boyfriends do you like better?
No.
Uh-uh.
That's probably.
You're never going to listen, Jesse.
Could you take a break?
Just to get away from it.
Is one of them here?
Okay.
Oh, no.
No, no, no.
Never run.
Never mind.
Just one.
Just one's here.
Well, I know which one's here.
You got a better prayer one.
I'm not the one.
Absolutely.
I know which one's better.
This is easy.
The other one's not going to hear it, Jesse.
It's easy.
To be fair.
I'm assuming they're a listener who just couldn't make it, Griffin.
Is Jesse's other boyfriend like down here somewhere like
I didn't know you like this podcast and also I have other questions that is the fifth drink you've spilled tonight just what do you want
what do you want
towel let's hear for Jesse Jesse thank you so much thank you
yes hello hello hi hi um I'm Eva and I sent in the question about my band yes please yeah so um I have a band here locally, and we have a show.
Hi.
Do you want to say some other local shows?
Sure, yeah.
It's called the Kyles.
We've only been around for like a year, so you might not have heard of a Kyle.
What's it called?
The Kyles.
The Kyles.
The Kyles.
We do have a band member named Kyle.
Perfect.
He did not like that name.
Can you change it to Kyle?
That's not what the question was, but now I'm in it.
You have one band member named Kyle.
I do, yes.
He did not like the name of the Kyles.
He did it.
That's a shame because it's a fucking good name for a band.
No, that's why we're talking about it.
So, how did it come about
independent of that?
So, basically, we had our first show at my house.
We did a house show.
And I was like, Was the booking hard?
It was really, it was so difficult.
No, so we created a little box.
We were having a really hard time coming up with a name.
Yeah.
So, I made a little box out of paper and just had everybody that came to the house show put suggestions in there.
Yeah.
And some of Kyle's friends decided to write Kyle, Kyle, and the Kyles, the Kyle, like on a bunch of sheets of paper and just shove it all in the box.
Kyle Kylie.
Yeah.
And
it was just, you know, we struggled for a while.
And after a while, we were like, actually, that's a really good banding.
So you know what?
We're just going to take their suggestions.
So that's how the banding came out.
So, how can we help?
But we have a show on 420,
which is also Easter this year.
And yesterday.
Easter, or as you put it in your email, Jesus's big day, which is awesome.
Yeah, thanks for reminding us the Easter thing.
I did, yeah.
I love, Eva, that in your mind, Easter is Jesus' thing.
That time that was so fucking psyched.
I'm sorry.
Is it Easter already?
Woo!
Hey, listen, listen, listen, listen, listen.
If I had done something even half that cool, I'd be celebrating every year.
You better believe that.
I remember.
I remember, this reminds me of another similar Easter where I died for you.
But every year, the people in Pucks and Tawny get together around Jesus' grave to wait for him to come back and tell them if there's six more years of salvation.
You have a show on Jesus' Big Day, which is 14.
Yes.
And
the place where we're doing the show, the Camel, has asked us
to send them a promotional video or a music video or something so that they can like promote the show.
Okay.
And we're very new, so we don't have a lot of promotional content.
So we were in our group chat trying to figure out out what to do.
And I was wondering if you guys had any advice on what we should do as a promotional video for the show.
Okay, so right off the bat, did they say it needs to be you playing music?
Because that's important to all my ideas.
They suggested that, but they didn't say that it was.
Okay, so let me give you this starter phrase that I use in a lot of videos that I do.
Oh, hello, didn't see you come in there.
And then you can
have it be Kyle
going like these are the Kyle.
How is Kyle as a sort of like face?
It's good.
Good.
Yeah.
I think we're all pretty.
We're the Kyles, and I'm Kyle.
No relation is a powerful star.
I'm Kyle, and I don't like that the band is called the Kyles.
Okay, film and aggressive.
Okay.
Okay, this is pretty good.
Do you have your phone on you?
No.
Oh, okay.
Sit on my seat.
Well, fuck.
Oh, dang it.
Fuck shit.
Do you have anyone here who can film?
My sister.
Okay, sister, would you mind starting a video, okay?
This is going to be really good.
Trust me.
I've been filming this whole time.
I can tell you.
You've been filming the whole time.
This is perfect.
Okay, so the video will start here.
So, what I need you to do is be like, hey, brothers, I'm trying to find a new local band to get into.
And then we're going to be like, I don't know, we're not from the area.
What do you all think?
And then everybody says, the Kyles.
And then it'll be like, include all of this, by the way.
Yeah.
No, no, no.
You got to cut this.
Oh, shit.
Okay, sorry.
I missed it.
I misread it.
Okay.
And they won't know who we are.
But then, and then when the people at the venue are like, so maybe we should start with, I'm looking for a podcast to get into, and then everybody else, my brother, my brother, and me.
Okay, so we're going to read who we are first and why it matters.
Who you want to use for the video?
Because you can't try the band.
Oh, the band name?
You can't say Eva.
You can have a new name.
So say Steve.
Oh, I can't say Eva, so I'll say Steva.
It doesn't have to be.
Steve is not the best.
I could say Steve instead.
That's great.
Yeah, yeah.
That's better.
Okay, better.
So everyone, shut the body.
Don't say Steve-O, because that has star power, too.
Don't say Steve-O.
So the video will start here.
Welcome back to My Brother, My Brother, and Me, America's Favorite Podcast.
We're famous, and you should care about what we say.
Who's
more influential than Joe Rogan?
We got a big
video.
That can't be in it.
That can't be in it.
I misread the market.
Not in it.
That started over.
Eva,
Eva's sister, started over.
I panicked.
I panic.
Hey, start it.
Start it again.
Start it again.
Welcome back to the Joe Rogan podcast.
Sorry.
I was just trying to get to Travis's good idea faster.
Okay.
Welcome back to my brother, my brother, and me.
This week we're joined by, what was your name again?
Hey, my name is Steve.
Hey, Steve, how can we help?
Brothers, I have been looking for a new local band to get into.
Do you have any suggestions?
Hey, everybody.
What's your favorite local band?
Thank you.
There you go.
Yeah, right there.
Perfect.
Because what's your second favorite local band?
No, no, no, don't.
That doesn't help.
I said the whole video just.
Paul can find anything.
Does that help?
Does that help?
All right, yeah.
I can't believe we actually helped.
That felt that felt.
Is this what it feels like?
I have two children, and that's the greatest thing I've ever done.
Wow.
I think that's it.
If we can
turn the lights off, would that be a possible way to make them go away?
Thank you so much, Richmond.
You are all Richmond.
You all have been absolutely.
I want to hear it.
What a pleasure.
Let's get a big shout out for this beautiful old theater, Carpenter.
It's gorgeous.
It's in the clouds.
The clouds aren't.
It feels like we're performing outside.
And not only is it a beautiful old theater, we can also call it the Dominion Energy Center, which feels like a thing you build in like Warcraft 2099 or something.
He's ruled over the Energy Dominion for many years now.
I want to say thank you to Anna Rode, who designed our kick-ass poster.
There may still be some out there.
Griffin, this is PQ.
I adore it so much.
I know.
I love it.
I signed some of them, and it's great because it looks like I'm magically casting my signature out into the galaxy.
It also looks like you've just realized you're in the vacuum of space and about to explode.
Yes, we also have some
honorary Paul Sabor Memorial Canned Food Drive challenge coins.
All proceeds from that go to Feed More.
Thank you all so much.
Thanks to Montane for the use of our theme song, My Life Is Better With You.
A kick-ass track.
Thanks to our dad.
Thanks to Paul.
Thank you to Amanda.
Thank you to our editor, Rachel.
Thank you to McKay,
our merchant.
Did this design right there?
Did this kick-ass 20-thunder drive design?
And thank you all, Richmond.
It's genuinely you all are amazing, and we're so happy to be back here, and we'll be back again.
And hey.
Griffin did not have to run off stage to use the bathroom once during the show.
Big round of applause.
That's a champion right there.
Hey, as long as as we're cheering.
I didn't either.
I didn't run off stage to go to the bathroom.
Hey, Griffin, as a special treat, you want to read the audience.
I want to read the fear that someone in the audience is going to be faster than this year.
This year, I will be faster than my fear of getting lost and freezing on Mount Everest because it's really far away from me, and I don't even want to go there anyway.
What even just a mckerel?
I'm Travis McElroy.
I'm Griffin McElroy.
My brother, my brother, me, kiss your dad square on the lips.
It's better with you.
It's better, it's better with you.
It's better with you.
It's better, it's better with you.
Cause it's true.
It's better, it's better with you.
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