MBMBaM 754: Dinglebuff Hufferbuff

The McElroy brothers are not experts, and their advice should never be followed.

Travis insists he's a sexpert, but if there's a degree on his wall, I haven't seen it.

Also, this show isn't for kids, which I mention only so the babies out there will know how cool they are for listening.

What's up, you cool baby?

It's the start

of something beautiful.

A small acquaintance has blossomed, it's ripened into a precious friendship.

I could have never seen what was coming for me.

Hangs at the skate park, hangs by the beach.

My life,

it feels love.

It's better, it's better with you.

My life,

I,

it's better, it's better with you.

This is true.

It's better, it's better with two

It's better with you

guys before we get started can I can we just take a quick little victory lap and really pat ourselves in the back This is the show, by the way.

This is a like

Can we give ourselves a freaking pat on the back for our genius plan to make Buku Bucks in the Max Fun Drive this year?

The whole act, we fucked.

Oh, it took, it was so hard to come up with the year theme.

Oh, we got to do it twice.

We did.

All that shit that we fully fucking made up and acted out on the spot so that we so we could generate a year theme that kind of sounds like Max Fun Drive.

Max Fun Drive.

And everyone's been saying it all year, like 20 Thunder Drive.

They've been saying the UN Drive.

Like we got that fucking seed in their heads and they didn't even realize it.

Griffin?

Yeah.

Look at the light.

Oh, no.

We're lying.

No, shit.

Rachel.

Rachel, please, no.

Please promise me.

I didn't.

Promise me.

Don't leave any of that in, Rachel.

I didn't see the red flashing light because I have Andromeda's strain and it made me go to sleep.

No.

Shoot.

Your Andromeda strain acts up at the worst times.

Just go ahead and start.

Just do the show.

Just forget it.

Rachel, cut.

Cut in all of it.

That was a fucking brother.

My brother.

No, no, no, no, no.

I need to come in better than that.

Yeah, come in.

Okay, yeah.

Yeah, take a deep breath.

Maybe it's

a little bit more.

Let's just skip that.

We'll skip this part out.

Cut it all out.

And we'll just drop in the pre-canned shit.

Like, you know how we have

100 pre-canned lights.

Yeah, we sat down on a bunch of stuff.

Sorry, that light really sent me, guys.

If that ever got out, how manipulative it is.

Deck on strain.

Okay.

Anyway, welcome to Max Fundra.

Hello, my brother and brother, me.

No.

Yeah, I'm telling you, man, the pre-canned shit is aces.

We worked our taints off on that stuff, so don't even sweat it.

Okay.

Wait,

oh, I'll start it.

Yeah, yeah.

Hello, everybody.

Welcome, my brother, my brother, me and Advice Show for the Modern Era.

I'm your oldest brother, Justin McElroy.

What up, Trav Nation?

Vroom, vroom.

It's me, your middlest brother, Travis, big dog, Wolf Wolf, McElroy.

I don't know why we're doing that.

We got this in the canvas, Griffin.

We got this one in the can already.

Well, we have to put it in the can to have it in the can.

Yeah.

First, we got to open the can.

We got to put it in.

Make sure it's sanitary because otherwise

boil that can.

Boil that.

It's the freaking max fun drive.

We should put in the most work.

We should be doing jumping jacks.

That's what they don't talk about.

Having it in the can is a lot of fucking work, guys.

Someone's got to put it in the fucking can, guys.

How many of you out there listening have ever canned before?

Yeah, it's a lot of sights.

That's what I thought.

Yes.

Oh, wait.

It's all of them.

I'm looking at our demographics, Travis.

Everyone here has done canning.

Wow.

I have.

Amazing.

Yeah.

No.

We don't.

It seems like too much work.

It is too much work.

I would think our audience self-selects for a lot of canners.

I feel like we need a lot of games day preppers.

No, like our teas do canners.

You know what I mean?

Anyway, I can't for the aesthetic.

It's the aesthetic and it's the whimsy.

It's not out of necessity.

Yes.

They put those coiled up springs in plastic sheaths that pop out.

I can see that.

It's like, whoa, I thought this was canned tomatoes.

Can you imagine being in a post-apocalyptic scenario and you're so excited because you found a pristine can of like beans or tomatoes or whatever and you open it up and like those coiled spring snakes pop out?

Oh, shit.

Hilarious, man.

That's really funny.

Hey, so it is the max fun drive.

If we don't start talking about the max fun drive, I'm going to have an actual panic attack.

I've been looking for the link to click on the thing, so I'm just going to freestyle it right now.

What is the max fun drive?

Okay, we're part of a podcast.

Wow, you're really freestyle.

If you're abstracting it out that far, man, you are freestyling.

Hey, we're on a podcast network, and the way it works is it's like a pledge model, right?

Once a year, we come to everybody, listens, is like, hey, if you like this, can we have a few dollars every month?

And if you like it, and you can give us a few dollars every month to help us make it and help us pay people to help us make it and make all this stuff all the time to help more good stuff be on earth.

Yeah,

that's great.

We would really appreciate it because we like making good stuff.

And when you support us we're able to make this our full-time job and make lots of good stuff for you and and hire people to help us make weirder stuff uh and it's all thanks to your support genuinely this show would not it's wild that this show has been running for 15 years next month no uh largely uninterrupted uh that doesn't happen really even in the world of alt comedy independent podcasting space, but it's because of y'all and the support that y'all give us.

I don't know if you noticed, the podcast advertising market's not the best it's ever been.

There's really just a few road dogs we roll with these days, a tight crew here on the Bimbama.

And our livelihood.

One might argue we're flapping off the back of their motorcycle, holding on to our lives.

Very much so.

And our livelihood and ability to support our families cannot exist solely if one of us doesn't say something wrong during an advertisement.

That's too high risk.

We will drop that ball in a second.

It's because of y'all that we are able to do this.

Now, we do have something to offer you.

We're not coming to you completely hat in hand.

We have some very nice thank yous.

Is it our respect, our appreciation?

Well, you do get that.

But if you can off for five dollars a month, you're going to get an absolute wealth of bonus content.

I mean, it is an archive at this point.

I think it the Justin T.

McElroy Memorial archive of bonus content.

Oh, man.

Wow.

This is how I find out.

Days and days and days of videos and podcasts.

This year we recorded a hot ones audition.

Yeah.

No, listen, we love y'all, and the support that you give us is the reason we do the show.

If we get on fucking hot ones,

not a lot of people have the guts to put their auditions behind a paywall.

But there we go.

That's the kind of heat we're bringing.

If you get it, right?

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

And we've, and if you're wondering, we do fucking die.

Yeah, it's brutal.

It's brutal.

We do terrible things to our bodies

while interviewing each other.

Yeah.

About increasingly sensitive, weird topics.

It's must-see podcast TV.

Yeah.

And but also, if you can do 10 bucks a month, pins are back.

We got some beautiful show-specific pins.

There's a travesty in one that I think you're just going to love if you're a fan of our stuff.

The address to go to, if you want to support the show, maximumfund.org forward slash join.

Please become a member today.

It really is the only way we're able to do this show.

And I know that like you've, you've been relying on, on this show being here for like 13 years, whatever, and we love Make Fit for you.

Almost 15 years.

Almost 15, I did.

And we must be old enough to get its learners permit, which is very fitting.

Yes.

I know that these 14 years, we've meant a lot to each other, and this show means a lot to you.

And I'm just saying it'd be a shame if something happened to it.

So wait, what's that?

I'm just saying.

It's a real real nice podcast you got here.

Hey, Justin.

I'm sure you really love listening to it.

And it's been around a long time, huh?

It's a real staple of the podcast community.

And it'd be a shame if something happened to it.

Jay-Man, just a quick meeting.

No, no, no, the Jamin's gone.

It's me, the penguin.

Listen.

Okay, Penguin.

You've been listening to the McRoy brothers, right?

You thought you weren't going to pay the duel.

But these are my boys.

Yeah.

Yeah.

You're going to pay my boys

what they're old

you're making a fool out of me the penguin penguin can i give you a quick note yeah i have one too penguin yeah he's normally in i'm travest in the protection racket yeah people don't normally in a business they own yeah threaten their customers their own business yeah hey you see this umbrella yeah you see it Oh shit, there's still up on the wall.

God dang, there's a vase in the wall.

They're Trav Nick.

It's your vase.

Crash, crash, crash.

But it's your vase.

But it's your vase.

It's your own vase.

Penguin, it's me.

I work protect.

That's Justin's vase.

Yeah, that's it.

It's me, Penguin, your ward and concigliary puffin'.

And I want you to know that that's.

I'm spending your light for work on a teacher the ropes.

Penguin, Penguin.

This laundromat, basically, that we own,

we own.

Podcasting studio slash laundromat, please.

If you have a bunch of people.

Take it seriously.

Yes, we let them record it our laundromat.

Yeah.

The vase cost $3,000 from you.

Yeah, well.

Are you okay?

Okay,

don't give

fussy penguins.

Have you had breakfast?

You know what I'm saying?

I got to start a threat.

The listeners not to pout about not having my McMuffin.

Okay.

Well, here's a sardines.

I didn't have my McMuffin.

Okay.

That's what he calls raw fish.

He calls sardines his McMuffins.

Yeah.

Please help us.

Maximumfund.org slash join.

Please, we're doing this for two weeks.

If you're already a member, you can boost your support, help us hit our goals.

We got a bunch of wild stretch goals.

We'll talk about that a little bit later.

And also, we're going to be streaming like every day for the next two weeks.

So, we'll talk all that later on.

But for now, we're going to give you a let's give them

a taste.

I was thinking, since it's the Max Fun Drive, that we could be

momentum building, Travis.

Yeah, we could elevate the quality of the content we make, maybe

get a little highbrow, maybe a little classy.

Do you know that you have a tone of voice you say when you're about to rip a big fart?

Well, it's funny you should say that, Griffin, because it's time for a work of fart.

Okay, but there's no theme song.

So your voice goes like,

it's like a curved, you have like a portimento to your voice when you're about to really take rip shit.

A lot of people don't realize that once you work with your brothers for long enough, you can just start to dislike each other on a molecular level.

You can really start to dismantle individual, it's not even words or ways people act, it's individual inflections.

I have fine hostile.

I have this frame piece of art in my room, and it's three voice tracks, waveforms of our voices.

And sometimes I'll look at two of those and just be like, God dang,

these freaking guys, man.

But go ahead, Travis.

I'm not going to grouse.

I beat ass at this game.

In this Jane Austen novel, while the sweet sister Jane falls in love with the anthropomorphic penis named Mr.

Bingley, the witty and oftentimes difficult sister Elizabeth quarrels/slash falls in love with the anthropomorphic penis named Mr.

Darcy.

And this has dick or something in the title.

No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no.

Hold on.

It's not dick or fart or ass.

We all know the

we all, the easy part of this is the book.

We all know that.

Yeah, for sure.

Mr.

Darcy.

Yes.

Mr.

Bingley.

Jane.

Of course.

Yes.

Jane Austen wrote it.

I think we all know the book, so let's figure out the pun from there, Griff.

Griff, I see you googling.

No, no, I accidentally deleted an image out of one of our documents here, and I didn't mean to do that.

It was an image of someone's face, and it looked like I was saying, no, not them.

They can't be.

Sense and sensibility is one of the options that is available.

Maybe we're all in the middle of it.

I think this one's Pride and Prejudice.

This one might be Pride and Prejudice.

It's not little women.

And there's two anthropomorphic penises listed in the description.

Okay, Pride and Preg2 Dicks.

I'll accept that.

It's Pride and Prejudix.

But I will accept Preg2 Dicks.

That's close enough.

Very good.

Preg2 Dicks sounds like...

And you know what?

A more reasonable man would have just said Prejudix, but I was trying to climb into the recesses and folds of your dark, dirty, bad mind.

If you get a cut back there, you will definitely get super tetanus.

So please

be careful.

This Gabrielle Garcia Marquez novel chronicles the multi-generational saga of the

Buendia family in the fictional town of Macondo, where the patriarch Jose Ocardio Buendia establishes a secluded, almost utopian community based on the consumption of lots of fiber and the importance of healthy bowel movements.

A hundred years of solid poop?

Yes, a hundred years of solid pooz.

Yes, thank you very much.

Very close, okay.

I hate like a hundred years of solid boost.

That would be the worst.

That would be so bad.

This Maya Angelou.

Incredible things are happening across the river.

People moving like monkeys, and their shits are of a more comfortable consistency.

Good job.

This Maya Angelou, by autobiography, spends a surprising amount of time on her struggles with constipation.

I know why the Cage turd sings.

Trans, you should feel bad.

You should feel bad about that.

You should feel bad about that one.

You You should feel bad about that one.

You feel so bad about that one.

I don't feel bad.

I don't feel bad.

I don't feel bad.

We're asking for money, Travis.

I know.

Listen, I feel terrible.

Support that.

Make that happen more.

Make that happen more.

We should make it possible for people to get a discount

on their support of us.

If they want to do $5 a month, they should be able to do $4.80 to send a message to Travis.

That enough is enough.

Enough is enough.

We're giving where you get a 1% discount and that 1% is for the works of hearts that you're going to be able to do.

That one hurt me, but I love it.

Yeah, sure.

One more.

Young Mary is sent to live in the home of her uncle.

She feels alone at first, but eventually befriends a young man named Dicken and her cousin Colin.

They bond over their reluctance to pass gas.

Secret farting.

Yeah.

Travis is breathtaking right now.

Travis.

The rest of that was over their reluctance to pass gas in public.

Eventually, the three find joy in a hidden plot of land where they can go and release their flatulence in peace.

Yes, Justin, Secret Farton is turning.

I'm really sorry because Secret Farton was obvious, but it was a very good setup that I should have let you complete.

No, because

part of the prize for us winning this game and getting these guesses so right is that there's less of this, is that there's less setup.

When you see the ship coming in and you can see the name on the side from the distance say Secret Farton, you shouldn't have to stand there and wait to watch it die.

That's the only one I think maybe I've ever come up with where I would actually like to see that version of it.

I'm just kidding being like, if you'll excuse me for a moment, and then running out to a secret walled plot of land, passing gas back, oh, and then coming back inside.

It turns out that that one kid's not sick.

It's just he keeps coughing to cover up his secret farton.

Oh, yeah, there's a problem with this branch.

Look at this one.

If you bend this one just like this,

you see?

it's a problem with a mate you can tell if a branch is still alive look at this one that's a good one that's a good living

that's a good one but look at this one over here no it's more that one's good too

my flowers are dead in a three-foot circle around you yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah

i checked these that that one was wick earlier that's weird my father is so busy in the country

So busy in the countryside.

My boyfriend has five birds that occupy their own room in the house.

She spends an hour a day, at least, with him.

And with it.

With them?

With them, I'm assuming?

Yes.

Yes.

Okay.

And then he puts them to bed every night.

I want to experience the joy of birds with him, but whenever I go into their room, they start screaming, brothers, how can I get these little dinosaurs to light me?

That's from bird brain.

that's birds birds know how birds are very receptive birds know how you feel about them it's an evolutionary trait they have to to make sure that you don't stomp on them and take their eggs and steal their nest and become the mother of their birds because that shit happens in nature all the time yeah so maybe you need to look inward first to to figure out why you don't like the birds i can answer one thing is because your boyfriend spends one hour a day

with the birds well

that's a lot of time I hope the boyfriend spends at least 61 minutes with you.

Not equivalent.

It's not okay.

Doesn't look like that.

Doesn't look like that.

So how many minutes is bird minutes to human minutes that they would need to spend with their partner to balance it out?

I mean, one hour.

It's different.

That's an excellent question, Travis.

I think,

I think,

I think it's actually 61 minutes is more hurtful than like 20 because I feel like 61 is like

attempting equivalency, which is sad.

I feel like it's better if it's like, I love a bird man.

Like, and I got to accept he's a bird man.

I love a bird man.

I moved in with a bird man.

I share him with the birds.

I take the scraps.

You know, if when you, you know, like a Priscilla Presley, you know, she realized she had to share Elvis with the women.

With his birds.

With his birds and also his fans.

And the Colonel.

You know, everybody.

Yeah.

Colonel.

Everybody.

Is it one solid hour?

Does he go in?

Does he clock in for an hour and clock out?

Because

I have to assume the birds.

What do you do with birds for an hour?

What happens in the other 23?

Yeah.

I will say this.

Are they watching videos?

Are they playing Fortnite?

Oh, wait,

you guys are going to love this one.

Have you seen David After Dennis Birds?

No, of course not.

You're birds.

Check this shit out.

Check this shit out.

You'll love it.

Do you guys like alt comedy podcasting?

Birds, you're going to love some of these jokes.

Do birds have any money?

Maybe you scream back at them.

Oh, that's cool.

This might be a respect thing because birds, they don't.

Hey, this might surprise you.

They don't communicate the same way humans do.

So maybe they're screaming because they're excited to see you.

And you scream back at them and they'll be like, hmm, nice.

And now you've got their respect.

Maybe they don't like you, but they respect you.

Does your boyfriend know the birds don't like you?

Oh.

You should take if next time these birds start screaming at you, you need to be like the,

you know, the stepmom and parent trap and be like, do you see what these little shits are doing to me?

Do you see this?

Yeah, it's time.

And then you're like, full birds to birding school.

You full.

That's boarding school for birds.

It's good, Travis.

I'm so sorry I didn't recognize your teachers.

But what if you want to learn to bird?

Then you're Brenda Frickering as hard as you can.

Can you come in with hands?

Wait, 2025, we've got to talk about Brenda Fricker less.

Or have her own clubhouse.

Or have a funeral for her on clubhouse if she has passed.

I do not know which one of them.

Jesus Christ.

One of the two should happen.

That's why that upset you, Griffin.

Why is that?

Brenda Frickery memorialize her.

The irony is: if you make a statue, will the birds know what's up?

I don't know.

It's like if they poop on it, it's like she would want that.

She would want that, right?

I think it is.

It's not that I want us to stop talking about Brenda Fricker.

I would like us to stop yelling about Brenda Fricker.

That's true.

I don't think in 2025,

we all yellow.

Shout out Brenda Fricker.

We try to have

more modulated.

We get excited because we know her name, and that's cool.

It's a fun name.

It's a fun name to say.

It's a fun image.

The problem is the fact that she throws the bird seed at Joe Peshi and

talk about Brenda Fricker.

It's amazing.

But I'm trying to do it, Justin.

I'm trying to mellow it now.

I'm just

an ASMR voice.

We're trying to do some Brenda Fricker ASMR.

Go ahead, Justin.

Talk about not Brenda Fricker.

What I was going to say is that I think the problem is the fact that there's a discrete room where the birds are located.

And that creates this situation where you know how much time is being spent with the birds.

I will say this.

If my wife had to go to a room to hang out with her cats, I probably wouldn't see my wife very much, if at all.

Yeah.

You know, I think it's very easy to sit here and say, wow, an hour.

My cats are pretty much always with my wife, and she spends more than an hour telling them when I'm not being a great husband.

You know what I mean?

Like, she sure spends a lot of time sowing seeds of discord with the cats.

Like, I would

say that I'm betting your boyfriend came into this relationship with five birds and it's not accumulated over the time you've been together.

So now the birds.

That's a wild guess.

You're so absolutely from.

Oh, I'm just saying that based off my own judgment, that if my wife comes home with one bird, I'm like, okay, by the time we get to three, I think I'd be like, that's enough.

You're replacing me with that one.

Based off my own judgment, you had 100 birds and 95 of them died.

And you should be really nice about the five that are left because he lost 95 birds.

Now, that's just my own judgment.

That's what might have happened.

That's a little corner we call Justin's judgment.

What I'm saying is, if he came in with five birds, the birds, you're not sharing him with the birds, those birds are sharing him with you.

So, when you come into the room, the birds are like, We get him an hour a day, the rest of the house is yours.

Yeah, you get to hang out there.

Why are you coming in the one room we have?

Let the birds out, let them out,

turn your house into an aviary.

They will, birds will love you then.

They know that they are prisoners because of you.

You're their warden.

Yeah.

They know that if it was his house, they would have free run of the place.

That's why I'm saying the room is the problem.

If you want the birds are smart, man.

Crows can do puzzles, okay?

Yeah, man.

It's 2025.

Crows can do puzzles.

They know that you are their warden.

If you want them to love you, you must turn your home into an aviary and let them free.

Let them fly free.

Take notes.

Take the hinges off.

take the hinges off yep they gotta be free could you get five snakes

huh did you get six cats well hold on seven dogs eight ponies

nine donkeys now and larry motivated marmoset and

uh

How about another

question?

Yeah, I'll help you with that.

No problem.

It's my absolute joy.

I occasionally go to Madagascar on research and bring back some cured vanilla beans straight from the source.

That is probably the most cost-efficient way of getting them.

Because with the prices of vanilla beans,

do you say anything about that?

I don't know anything about that.

I do know.

I soak them in vodka for months and then funnel them into little bottles to get

me

on a rough weekend

on a rough weekend.

Travis soaks vanilla beans in No,

I soak myself in vodka.

It's right, man.

I soak them in vodka and then send them to friends and family and podcasters.

P.O.

Box 54, Honey Buster Devon 2 episode 106.

Let's get that vanilla pipeline flowing.

About a year ago, I gave each of my coworkers one of these little bottles.

When passing one particular,

they put a frowny face emoji.

Oh, it was angry.

An angry emoji.

Coworker's office just now.

I noticed her bottle is on a shelf full of junk still in the Ziploc bag, untouched, and collecting dust.

Wow.

What are my vanilla custody rights in this situation?

Do you think she'll notice if I grab it and take it back home for myself?

Should I try to convince her to covet this special extract?

That's from vanilla in vain.

One, can I just say I appreciate your pride and your craft to say this shit's dope and this

loser waste doid

is looking a gift horse in the mouth and then putting the horse in a bag, a dusty, old, dusty bag.

And I'm glad that you have the strength of your convictions to know you are in the right here and this person's a fucking monster.

I would, I don't know what to do with a bunch of beans soaked in booze.

I imagine dibble-dabble it into cakes and creams and cookies and whatnot.

It's just extract, huh?

It's just vanilla extract.

Maybe you just

take that bag with the bottle off the shelf when they're not looking, set it center of their desk, walk away.

If you pass at a later time and it's back on that shelf, all yours.

Yeah.

But if she smashes it because she thinks a ghost got in the bag and is moving shit around in her desk.

Yeah, that's a problem.

And then

she goes mad.

Could you leave a note that says a ghost didn't move this?

I did.

Don't even ask me.

Signed.

I moved this, not a ghost, signed the scarlet pimpernail.

And then you'd be like, God damn it, guys.

The scarlet pimpernail's back in in our fucking office, and he's moving all of our shit around willy-nilly.

Can we talk

if we could, wouldn't this be a good moment for the Scarlet Pimpernell to get back?

Yeah.

2025?

You mean like for this vanilla extract or in life just like in the world?

I'm just saying it would be cool.

Yes.

If

there was a

like a Scarlet Pimpernell.

You know how he, yeah, so he is a chivalrous Englishman who rescues aristocrats before they're sent to the guillotine.

What if

Scarlet Pimpernel?

Twist.

Twist.

He's like, actually, I brought you to my worst guillotine.

Yeah,

I'm the blue Pimpernel.

I steal you from the other guy.

I'm the Azure Pimpernel.

And I have brought you some extra aristocrats or crats.

Not the aristocats.

That's a different.

No one's lining up to guillotine the aristocats, Travis.

They're fucking bringing life.

Vanilla to the poor and death to the rich.

Justin McRoy for president.

And this is easy, guys, because the Azure Pimpernel, the Cerulean, the Sapphire Pimpernel, it's just a palette swap.

We can take all the assets from the Scarlet Pimpernel and just do a little bit of work in the hexadecimal code.

Easy, easy adaptation.

That's great.

We're going to have that roll out by, I think, April.

Yeah.

We are also going to do some some co-branded stuff.

So if you want to slap a logo on there, you know, you can have your own Philadelphia Flyers branded one or like

Mavs, Mavs, Lula, Mark.

Mavs, I would love to put a Mavs logo on it.

Mark, Master Questions.

Do you want Mavs?

We'll put Mavs right on the back of it, Mark.

When we get to Yellow Pimpernel and Pikachu's in there, I'm going to be so excited, you guys.

That's where it's, that's where it's really going to blow up.

I would love to see Pikachu take a swing at some Aristocator.

I thought that sentence was the end.

You thought

I'd love to see Pikachu.

It would be cool.

Not because I'd be excited to see Pikachu, but it would suggest that there are other real Pokemon too.

Like, that would give me a lot of people.

You wouldn't be excited to see Pikachu?

I would be like, whoa, right?

But I wouldn't be like, that's, that's, that's my dog.

That's my guy.

Like, it would be exciting because I would know that the world of Pokemon is real,

as I've frequently theorized.

Yeah.

But for the actual.

I read your dissertation, Girl.

Yeah.

Okay.

I'm glad.

I worked really hard on it.

Well, you got your doctorate.

I've done enough.

We also work really hard on this show with a team of other people that we have been fortunate enough to hire.

This is a Max Fund drive break.

Oh, okay.

Oh.

Did you want to talk more about the Sapphire?

No, no, no.

Penguin, we did you.

So you think you're going to hold out on them, huh?

Tell them what the money's for.

When we started, it was the three of us talking into, oh, you gotta let me get through the copy, though, Penguin.

You gotta let me talk, ping.

Oh, he's gesturing.

He's gesturing.

The floor is yes.

What?

It's the three of us clowns

on

rock band mics plugged directly into our computers.

And now we have a team of people who help us to make a lot of stuff.

Our video stuff blew up last year because we have people that help out.

Nothing to do with that.

I guarantee you.

I heard about it.

I heard about it blowing up.

It was a real, real tragedy, but I wasn't anywhere in the neighborhood, okay?

I don't know nothing about nothing blowing up, all right?

Okay, yeah.

Do you like the McRoy Family Clubhouse?

Because we did it last year, and it was because of the support that you gave us.

We've made like, I don't know, a couple thousand episodes of podcasts, and it's all

because of you.

So, maximumfund.org slash join is where you can go to become a member member or boost your membership.

Should we talk about

some of the gifts that we have?

Hi, may I?

Travis, let's say I want to get my beak wet.

What's in it for me, huh?

So, and we should say that this penguin does have a beak.

Yeah.

So, like we mentioned earlier, $5 a month, you get a lot of time.

I need you to stop moving your head like that, penguin, if you don't mind.

Thank you so much.

At $5 a month, you get access to hundreds of hours of bonus content that you only get as a Max Fund member.

It includes all the past content from all the past years this year there's the my brother my brother and me hot ones audition

uh we did charlie verse three for the adventure zone which is justin yeah justin runs a one-shot adventure written by his daughter charlie with contributions from all of our kids it's wild it's so good sawbones nights medical mysteries uh schmanners we did an episode all about genie wishes the history of them the etiquette of them and how to best make your wish so you're not tricked by a genie.

And wonderful.

There's blueprints for Gotham City Bank.

Oh, okay.

In the file, you do view all see hidden,

open all JPEGs.

You remember Gotham City Bank?

That's Gratis.

That's good.

And that's a thank you.

Wonderful did an episode of Hockey Talk Badaka Dog with Dave Shimka is here.

It fucking rips.

It's just us asking Dave for an hour.

Dave Schumka plays hockey.

So it's just for an hour, it's us going like, what's it like to play hockey?

And it's, it's good shit, man.

And all of that is available for just $5 a month.

At $10 a month, you get your choice of an enamel pin designed by Tom Deja of Bossman Graphics.

My brother, my brother, and he's got Trav Nation.

Taz has stopped calling me baby.

Sawbones, kill all the mosquitoes.

Schmanner's is a monster truck with flowers and teacups.

Wonderful is Jeff the Poetry Dragon.

And still Buffering is a CD Walkman.

There's $20 a month.

You get a 60-inch inch by 30 inch beach towel or max fun rocket logo bucket hat.

There's also $35 a month, $50 a month, up and up.

But all of those, even at just $5 a month,

makes it possible for us to do this.

If everybody gave $5 a month, it would be an absolutely just amazing year.

And that money goes.

to the shows that you listen to.

It supports Max Fun in a small part, but the majority of the money that you commit to as a member goes directly to the shows that you love, the shows that you look forward to listening to, and to the creators that make them.

It's an incredibly unique setup that I, in all of my years of doing podcasts and talking to other people, doesn't exist anywhere else, a way for the listeners to directly support the art and the artists that we love.

And

we feel so special.

In a rapidly changing media environment,

to put it mildly,

this has allowed us to weather so many storms because of your support.

You know, like this is, it's so much more sustainable because we own it and it's ours and

no big companies own it.

They can't sell it to some terrible person.

So we're, it's, it's a, it's a good system and it's owned by the people that make it.

So that's, that's pretty cool, I think.

And, and Max Fun is owned by the people that work there.

That's what I meant.

Yes.

It's owned by the people that make it, both the shows and the network itself.

It's all, it's all co-op.

Also, if you have been listening for a while, but have never become a member during the Max Fun drive because you are uncomfortable with doing like a monthly support thing, there's also a prepay option.

So you can just pay for the whole year, get all the great gifts and help us meet our goals.

Boost your membership that way also.

We're going to have a bunch of stretch goals throughout the week.

This will come out on the first day of the drive.

The first one that we're announcing, if we hit 2,000 members, we're going to do a six thumbs.

any percent uh star road live stream on youtube the three of us playing the hardest levels in super mario world while sharing one controller.

It'll be a disaster.

Bunch of streams.

Did a Fuser Max Fun Drive kickoff party today, but we have a ton of stuff coming over the next two weeks, every day, Monday through Friday, doing streams.

And you can follow that on our Instagram.

We'll be announcing timetables for that stuff too.

So

it is a two-week ask that we make that basically determines,

you know, how well the year goes now that we don't sort of rely on advertising so much anymore, especially on all the other shows.

But bam, bam, we still do okay, but all the other shows, it's it's fairly dry over there.

So, maxmumpfund.org slash join.

Help us make our shows, help us

keep this thing growing and making stuff.

And

we appreciate you more than words can say.

Do we want to do a wizard, Cloud?

Do I ever?

Do I ever?

That's a lifelong dream, of course.

Yeah, let's do a wizard.

Marshall.

Why do you keep saying it?

Can we do it individually?

Or that's like all at once?

Yeah, I'd rather it not be all at once.

No, I mean,

let's dogpile this wizard.

No.

It was sent in Marshall.

Marshall sent it in first, but a lot of people have sent this one in.

And

it's been a dereliction of my duty that I have not done this one yet.

And I do apologize.

I do think maybe this could provide some guidance for us as we move forward as adults, as fathers.

It's how to replace swear words with less offensive words.

Thank God.

That was a good start.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Instead of think fuck, which is what I mean.

Or thank piss.

Thank piss.

Thank pissies.

Make notes on how you swear.

Brainstorm all the swear words you use.

Oh my God, what a day.

Yeah.

Honey, I can't help with dinner right now.

I'm trying to think of all the swear words I use.

Fuck.

Oh, that's one.

That's a good one.

I'm trying to make this shitting list.

Wait, I got it.

Is that a normal way I use it or is that the first time?

Hey, Ellie, what was the last time you you heard me?

Do I say shitting a lot?

Is that a common one?

How many times would you say?

Three, four times a day?

All right, I'm writing it down.

Hey, huh, can I say something?

You're like, just, I just want to watch your expression.

Pussy.

Oh, my God.

Just say.

So that's.

So that one's, I don't say that.

Good news is I don't say that one a lot.

Okay, great.

I got it.

I got it.

Knowing how and when you swear is the first step in figuring out inoffensive replacements.

For example, you might be able to identify your number one swear word and start by replacing just that one.

I do appreciate the work that our listeners and Travis have done in helping us compile some of our swear facts because I've been trying to clean up my act since that dark truth came out.

Can I tell you the excitement at building a bracket of swear words to figure out which one I say the most, which one comes out the number one seed?

Because I'm betting there's a Cinderella story in there where I think it's fuck, but it turns out like I say,

oh, coming around the bin, it's bastard.

What?

No way.

Travis says dookie way more than he puts it.

What the heck?

I would love to know.

This is the information that I need is what is our like least used swear word, right?

Like, where are we, like, oh, no, even the map words.

If they, this is like, there has to be a word where if we use it, it's really bad, right?

Because there's going to be a few words that we've only busted out a few times, like, real, real stinkers.

We don't say ass, which is weird.

We say all the other ones.

Yeah, that's eight.

I will never say HE double hockey sticks.

No way.

That's where the devil lives.

That's where he lives.

If we had started this thing, this is the advice I give to new podcasters.

Don't say ass.

Say A-S-S.

And for the first time,

it makes me...

People will be so weirded out by it after a certain point because you'll say all the other ones.

Say all the other ones.

Say all the other ones.

Because what you're doing is you're going to reserve that one.

And 15 years in, you're going to say it for the first time.

And it's going to have an impact like you've never imagined before.

You could also do it for D-A-M-N, and then you hit one of those one day while you're really angry, and just like the foundations of the building start to crack and crumble.

What with the raw power of it?

Think about places where you cannot swear.

They've listed some.

Office, office, school, church,

anywhere near children.

You can't curse at the office?

Oh,

it's so woke now.

No, you can't curse on the show the office.

Oh, okay.

Yeah, no, that's on Network TV.

That's true.

That show would have been so much better if it was just like my fucking stapler to the fucking tiller again.

God damn it, Jim.

Well, the British version.

I'm going to kill you with a gun, Michael.

Fuck.

I'm going to shoot your shitting ass.

Fuck.

Pam, you're eating my guts out of my body.

Ow, fart.

Shit.

Wait, is it the walking dead now?

Yeah, fuck, Pam.

You're a dead zombie.

You're eating my fucking brain.

Ouch.

Ouch.

Youch.

Ouch, Pam.

Kevin made a big pot of human chili.

We're all eating his human brain chili.

And he fucking spilled the human brain chili on the fucking carpet.

Dang, Jim.

Get over there, Andy.

You bastard.

Jim's the only one alive.

And he keeps looking at the camera like, can you believe these guys?

It's like, Jim, get the fuck out of here.

Get out of there, Jim.

Don't look at me.

The camera guy's a zombie, Jim.

I do like the cold open where he painted Jim inside on the doors.

That was funny.

That was good.

And then he kind of slurked at the camera.

You know, in the way that he does.

When your boss is a zombie, you fight your boss is brainless.

There's jokes there for sure.

We won't brainless.

We should write a song about it.

Yeah, right.

Exactly.

So think about what you're trying to say when you swear.

Sometimes swear words are used in ways that are far different.

Okay, let me finish.

Sometimes swear words are used in ways that are far different than their actual meaning.

For instance, the B word technically means female dog, while the A word means donkey, and the D word means wishing one person to an evil place or a barrier to obstruct the flow of water.

I don't think that any of that

also means but, right?

No, it means donkey.

For instance, this exam really effed me over, doesn't say much.

While I didn't do well on this exam because I hadn't studied enough for the section on thermal dynamics is much more specific.

Yeah, they hit the, and they hit the same way at the same level for sure.

And that's why I say, hold on, article, you can recognize that one of those has like eight words and one has like 27, right?

Like

there is a reason that maybe we wouldn't throw out all of the words.

You just say, I fucked up instead of saying, yeah, so I didn't get a good night's sleep last night.

And I and I didn't do my due diligence in studying certain topics, specifically thermal dynamics.

Just speaking of yelling words that sound like curse words, I did want to bring up on the screen here in the PlayStation game Masters of the Terrorist Kasai.

It's a Star Wars fighting game.

There is a character

who

I'm not even going to attempt the actual name of this character because in the game it's called

Horar?

Kahor!

Kohar!

In the game's list says Hohar.

And I got a lot, I had a lot of fun with that as a kid because I would lose.

And then I remember once how I yelled, you stupid Hohar.

And then dad came in and I've got to be like, actually.

Got you.

Got you, Matt.

Frankie.

Got you.

Let's get to finding some substitutions, okay?

There's quick euphemisms.

Funk instead of.

That was a full name.

Please.

Darn instead of Frank.

That's my father.

Call me Frank.

What the F, what the heck?

Or what the Barnacles instead of what the F.

Also, what the hell?

Wait.

Also, what the hell?

Acceptable.

Let me just say this.

If I'm working in an office setting and uh maybe something has gone terribly wrong something's gone terribly wrong with people not enough people supported the max fun drive and now i've had to take a day job back at the office selling paper and i've just found out that there's a huge return on an order i sell and i yell out what the barnacles i think i will be called into hr yeah good news though travis the artic this wiki house got also other great suggestions invent new inoffensive expletives to use instead of swear words since these words are newly invented, they won't offend some people like swear words will.

Use your imagination to invent replacement words and phrases like

brace your ass.

I'm ready.

Boca Luca.

Nope.

Igua mu alasha.

No.

Boca luka.

Boca luka.

Why are there so many syllables?

Igam walasha.

This sounds like a sim who is like, you know, they couldn't nut when they made wahoo or whatever, and they climb out of bed all pixelated, like, Iga Molasha.

Iga Molasha.

This sounds like James Cameron trying to come up with curse words.

It nah, it does.

It does.

But how about

with this one, though?

This one actually does hit.

Dingle buff.

Ah, dingle buff.

Dingle buff does hit.

I'll give you that one.

Dingle buff makes me feel angry.

I love the musical stylings of dingle buff humper buff.

This work is great.

Travis, you're allowed to cuss again.

If it styles you from saying dingle buff, humber buff, we'll pay it.

All I'm saying is that when you think about swear words, they're single syllable, very percussive.

Fuck shit.

Damn, right?

Bastard.

Bastard.

And now you're introducing ingra from

whatever.

Like, give me a solid percussive sound that means that doesn't have, but feels the same way.

You won't like this one then.

I literally bedangled my pants.

That sounds like.

Is that the example they gave?

Yep, I literally bedangled my pants.

That's a 90s fashion trend.

We were all bedangling our jets.

I just want to,

okay, wait.

If the example is I literally bedangled my pants, then what they're saying is, I mean, the only cursor that could be replacing it is like, I literally shit my pants.

Yeah.

And so what they're saying is like,

I shit my pants.

Like, that is what.

No, I literally did.

I literally shit my pants.

Unless you're.

Admitting to fucking your own pants, I guess.

I batched my pants, I guess.

In a sense, I

I literally fucked my pants.

I bashed my pants.

And I understand why I'm in this courtroom today.

I get it.

I literally fucked my mouth.

I shit in my pants.

I shit in my pants.

I get it.

I do kind of like having a neutral

having a neutral term for I've made a mess in my pants, but you don't know which hole.

That's like kind of fun for me.

It could mean

any number.

I dirtied my pants.

Dirty me all.

I've shaved my pants.

He awakened my pants.

He was so so glogged up.

Now, that sounds like constipation.

That doesn't sound...

Yeah.

I got my Wee-Woo beat at bowling last night.

Now, stop.

Because that could mean you were defeated in bowling, and Wee-Woo is replacing ass

or

my essence.

It could also mean

you went for the bowling and stayed for getting beat off at bowling.

Or maybe as someone swung back with the Wiimote, they punched you in the dick.

Yes.

That's why we need curses.

Curse words.

They're important.

You can't tell dick from ass unless you say those words.

Yeah.

You can't tell them apart without using the bad words.

You have to use them.

We can also agree that if you're trying to replace maybe, let's say, dick with wee-woo, there might be situations in which, well, saying wee-woo might be, let's say, a mood killer.

It might be a problem.

Absolutely.

Yeah.

Yeah, for sure.

If you were to say, for example, that feels so good on my wee-woo, that might be the end of maybe an experience.

But then they would be like, I thought your wee-woo was your butt.

And you'd be like, well, in my family growing up, hey, you guys.

Hey, what do you think bedangling is?

Because we're about to talk about that as an option.

Yeah.

If I start shouting, I'm going to bedangle, what does that mean to you?

Tell me now before we get intimate.

Use outdated swear terms.

Some words that were once used as offensive swear words have become either more acceptable or have generally been forgotten.

Bring them back.

Bring them back.

Bring them back.

Bring him back.

Consarnet instead of darn it.

Oh, well, instead of damn it.

They didn't blur this one for some reason.

They blurred all the other cusses.

Consarnet, Zuderkins, a 17th century term for God's wounds or zounds.

So this does sound like something Paul.

Why do you need a 17th century term for zounds?

Just say zounds.

Is that not?

Are you not allowed to say zoons these days?

Zoons.

Yeah.

Fopdoodle for dumbass.

Hey, if you call me a dumbass, I'll be like, all right, man.

If you call me a fopdoodle, I'll throw hands.

Yeah.

These hands are coming out.

They're coming out.

These say you're one wee-woo fopdoodle.

I'll be like, get the hands out because I'm throwing mine and I want it to be fair and I want it to be.

I'm going to bedangle your face up.

I don't talk about fighting a lot on this show, but there's certain words in here.

That if you call me a Gadsbuddykins, unknown derivation.

Yeah, because you you just fucking made it up with

hands coming out.

Borrow fictional swear words, Frack or Frack from Battlestar Galactica, Goram from the Firefly series.

I will literally wedge at you so hard, you will severance right then and there.

You'll become two people from the foods of the wedge.

Then it says swear in a foreign language.

No, that's cussing.

Bleep yourself.

This bleeping movie is stupid.

I lost my bleeping phone.

Hands.

Absolutely.

Speak.

Speak out.

Absolutely.

How am I bleeping?

Wee-woo.

Face.

I do get offended by this.

I'm realizing this is what a being offended feels like.

I would be offended if someone is so worked up about profanity that they commit a far graver sin, and that is

resting my attention away

with some haggard, old, dusty bullshit.

Please, just like, don't, dude.

Like, don't.

Don't do it with words.

Don't do it with clothes.

Don't.

Just

don't.

I'm trying to do other things.

Don't say zounds or frippery or any of that.

And make me think about it.

Frippery.

Frippery fucks.

You can say frippery.

Don't say that kind of stuff.

Don't make me think about you.

It's me.

My, my personal, one of my personal pet peeves is when in like written advertisements, say a newspaper article or a billboard, they will have a curse word, but it's censored out.

And it's like, you thought you were so naughty.

You felt so, and so you invoked fuck, but you didn't want to put fuck because you get in trouble.

So you put F and then the shit, and it's like, but I'm thinking fuck.

Have confidence in yourself.

So if you try to type that stuff,

it's tough.

It's so much like type.

Like you ever try to like, you're typing something for use and you're trying to like put in the symbols and stuff.

It's not as easy.

Like if you guys try to do like, try to do motherfucker in your browser bar right now.

If you take the symbols.

I'm not searching that.

Text motherfucker to dad.

Just to like test.

I have no problem with that.

I deleted the picture of the person again from this fucking document.

It really seems like I'm holding the ground.

If you want to censor that out.

Speak eloquently.

Circumlocutions or ways of getting around saying something that you don't want to or shouldn't can be used as another way of replacing swear words.

This is some of the worst stuff, guys.

Instead of, I can't find my keys, I'm so effed.

Try.

By the beard of Zeus, I declare, I have lost my keys, and this has thrown me into a woefully anguished state of mind.

This is assuming someone is hearing it, right?

Like, someone will hear you say it.

If not,

you can cuss when no one's around, right?

Right.

So the only reason...

Is this just to please God?

Because like, if that's what it is, like, slow down before you're about to curse and curse God on your own.

Like, slow down and like explain to him that you're not that bad.

Because if it's around other people,

I don't think that's fair to anyone to hear that.

To say all that shit.

To say that to them around them.

In the grand scheme of things.

And listen,

I don't buy into it, but do you think God cares if I say fuck?

Travis, you got to get saved.

You got to get saved.

I did twice, Griffin, and you know that because I like the attention I got.

15 years, last 15 years.

Oh, I have to re-up it.

But do you think that when I say fuck, upstairs, God is like, oh, man, Travis,

understand that you're doing this for your job is what I feel.

Yeah, God gets it.

God's a podcaster.

He loves that alt control.

I would never do this outside of the context of this show.

I hope everybody knows.

Like, if you meet me in my day-to-day life, I'll still cuss because that's part of the performance.

You know what I mean?

Like, that's

you're meeting the character, Justin McElroy, who is a cursor, but like, if you somehow are able able to observe me without me knowing that I'm being observed by a listener, which is impossible.

Yeah, she doesn't exist when that happens.

Yeah.

Yeah.

I've trained this as a, but if you were to see me without me knowing a listener was observing me, I would never, ever, ever curse you.

No.

No.

No.

And I don't interrupt people.

I don't speak loudly.

My voice is totally normal and pleasant to listen to.

All of this is a character.

My words I think of as

a beautiful gift.

And so when I cuss and I make dirty stuff out there yeah um it's just not something i'm comfortable with doing not not for this show that's a part of my life that you don't get access to actually well and it's wasted

if these are fun words that we use to make you happy why would i spill my fucks upon the ground you know what i mean i'm not gonna waste those i'm saving those for max fuck drive

now

travis i don't think that

did i lose my right to curse again you did travis i'm gonna put you on penalty boxes

i'm secret secret agent max fuck drive

and i'm here to ask you to donate to the maximum fund

when i'm shifting up the gears in the fuckmobile i'm

i'm only thinking about one thing and that's how much i love the macroy brothers podcasting not now daphne

Fast in the car is the car, Daphne?

Wait, is the car, Daphne?

The car is Daphne.

Fast and the Furious 12.

The car is AI.

The driver is Pierce Brosden, rolls up to La Femilia, and Vin's like, I don't know, guys.

Like, I know we have an open-door big tent policy here in La Femilia, but

this seems pretty wildly out of aesthetic for us, shall we say, is Max Fuck Drive, the British secret agent spy with a car named Daphne that's artificial intelligent.

I don't know, guys.

I think we saw.

I've seen his car.

Let me say this.

I will say this.

Max Fuck Drive is such a big swing.

It's probably something we need to run through the whole team.

Like, everybody needs to see,

like, he's more of a thematic element that everyone's gonna need to play.

That's not McElroy, uh, that extends to everyone, that extends out.

And listen, I know we broke the dam when we brought John Cena into this cinematic universe to play basically John Cena, but I do have to draw the line at Max Fuck Drive.

There is, uh, I have principles.

Um,

I want a munch.

I want to munch.

Squad.

Squad.

Welcome much podcast podcast within podcast profiling.

Latest and grace and brand eating.

I have a quickie for you today because this date has already passed, which is a heartbreaker, obviously.

I always hate it when that happens, but I did want to let you guys know about this image

that exists.

Cool, cool, cool, cool.

And that's great.

I do like it.

I want it so bad.

I'm so hungry.

I want it.

Tell me about it.

What do you see there, Griffin?

You're a fancy.

We're looking at, imagine if a Super Bowl party, a car delivering food to it, got in a terrible accident.

And then

this is what the paramedics were able to recover from the wreck.

It is a Pizza Hut, Pizza Charcuterie tray, I suppose.

Move over, Salami and Brie.

Pizza Hut is taking charcuterie to the next level, just in time for Pi Day.

Yeah, baby.

Introducing Pizza Charcuterie, a customizable Instagram-worthy pizza board designed for the ultimate social gathering.

Whether hosting a Pi Day celebration, a watch party, or just looking for an easy but impressive way to elevate your get-together, Pizza Hut's new Pizza Charcuterie is the ultimate crowd pleaser.

Think of it as a build-your-own experience that's as fun a design as it is to devour.

No.

Hey, hey, pizza already comes ready to serve in a pizza.

In a great shape, an awesome shape.

I've never thought,

oh, I love pizza so much, but it's so hard to serve up and get out to the people.

I know.

I'll pile it up in a big direct mess.

Tossed in a mess all helter-skelter.

Why are some of the wings

in a bowl and some of the wings not in a bowl?

And some of the breadsticks are in a bowl and some of the breadsticks are not in a bowl?

Well, Travis, it's like when you pour sake for a friend.

You're supposed to overflow the cup.

They have overflowed the cup a lot, I will say, with

the slimiest-looking buffalo wings.

God, I would fuck this up so bad.

This is also a great way that if you got pizza specific to people at your party and they're like, Yeah, I want it with this, or I'm allergic to this, be like, Hey, now nobody will like it because it's

everything.

Everything's touching everything.

It's awesome.

Do you like a little bit of buffalo wing on your cheese stick and a little bit of onion on your cheese pizza?

And yeah, oh, okay, here you go.

I do enjoy this morass of edibles uh to help launch the pizza charcuterie pizza hut teamed up with robert

sorry one second you can do it no griffin i can't because the last name is gronkowski and you cannot call him robert gronkowski i refuse

with pizza sides the man

is not right he's in a he's in a pizza hut ad he's not robert gronkowski

Rob Gronkowski is in an ad is in this ad and the link to it doesn't work, and that's as hard as I'm going to work to see Rob Gronkowski

stack up pizza.

Quote, we've seen creative charcuterie boards take over social feeds.

We knew it was time to give pizza the spotlight it deserves, said Melissa Freebie.

Yeah, finally, because let's be honest, stacking crackers is cute, but stacking pizza, wings, and breadsticks, that's a power move.

And I got to say,

Melissa, I agree.

I want to say, good.

I'm glad charcuterie Charcuterie has been not very good for a long time.

And I'm glad everybody got together.

I've been very vocal about this to Travis.

And everybody's agreed about this.

And I'm glad that we finally, pizza's like, oh, yeah, you guys like to eat before dinner?

Fuck you.

Yeah.

I'm going to eat before dinner.

A huge lack of both pâtés and dried ass apricots on this board.

And I am loving that vibe.

The only problem with it is that there are still olives.

Yeah.

That is the only problem.

There are olives on some of the

a hundred percent what this is giving me i've been staring at it as one might stare into the abyss this is

the most divorced dad weekend with the kids trying to prove he's still oh don't make it sad it could also be

it could be it could be sports with the with your friends it could

prove you're classy too you could you could be you could be buying a pizza checker board for your friends trying to prove to them that you're a good dad yeah yeah

you don't know You can be trying to bring proof to all kinds of maybe the office.

Maybe you're trying to prove the office you're a good dad.

Yeah, you never know.

Mr.

Wilkins, in the case, the custody battle between you and your ex-wife.

Oh, what's this?

Oh, you brought a little pizza charcuterie board in for the for the court.

Oh, well, this is, you know what?

You are a good dad.

I can tell.

What's that?

Are you dressed up as an old British lady to still spend time with your kids?

Yeah, no, no, no, no.

There's no way you're going to prison.

What's this?

You're submitting evidence to the court.

Pizza Pizza Charcuterie.

Pizza Charcuterie.

Have your own TV show.

Thank you, Mrs.

Doubtfire.

Anyway, that's the news.

It's two people.

Hey, thank you so much for all of your support.

If you don't yet support the show, there's a lot of great bonus content available to you.

If you go to maximumfund.org forward slash join, I think that you are going to be very delighted with the things that you find there.

We've got videos.

we've got audio, we've got so much stuff, and I think you're just going to love it.

And maybe you're already a Max Fund member, which thank you so much.

We appreciate your ongoing support.

But maybe this is the year that you consider upping your membership to the next level, maybe go from five to ten or something like that.

to show a little bit more support if you're able to.

We would really appreciate it.

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We want you to be there because this isn't just about asking you for support.

It's also a way for us to say thank you and give you some extra content as a little thank you for your support.

We would never call it content though.

We would never call it content.

Extra joy.

No, that's gross too.

Extra

extra videos.

There we go.

Sensory pleasure.

Yeah, so make sure you check that out.

Did you do the eyebrow thing too that Justin did the next day.

I don't have the control over it like Justin does.

When I do it, I have to look like I'm staring at Blank's face.

Hey, hey, hey.

Listen, we lost the

fucking iHeartMedia Podcast Awards for Best Ad Read again last night to fucking Conan, man.

He's already won it.

Jesus.

He's already won it.

It's not his turn.

Man, how?

How does it happen?

Conan doesn't need it.

Hey, Conan, I know you listen.

It's not fair.

We'll write our names in Sharpie.

What are you going to do with two of them?

Just you don't need it.

We do, and we also need your support.

This show would not exist without the people who have supported us in the past in the Max Fun Drive.

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You can prepay for a whole year if you want to

and help us hit our stretch goals and get a bunch of incredible.

If you've never given,

there's like, there's over a decade of bonus, hundreds of hours of bonus content.

It's obscene.

When you become a member, maximumfund.org/slash join.

Thank you.

And thanks to Montane for the use of our theme song.

My life is better with you.

And thanks to the penguin.

Thanks to Penguin for stopping by.

Yeah, it was a pleasure.

Thanks for having me.

I forgot to pull a faster than fear, so I'm doing it as quick as I can.

Yeah, yeah.

I'll just ask Penguin.

Yeah, Penguin, what are you scared of?

Yeah, I'm happy to.

I know you want me to get volume.

Sure, what are you scared of?

What are you going to stop being scared of this year, Penguin?

Batman,

Batman.

Well, for Justin McElroy,

I'm Travis McElroy.

I'm Penguin.

I'm Justin.

This has been my brother, my brother, me.

Kiss your dad square on the lips.

It's better with you.

It's better, it's better with you.

It's better with you.

Come at life,

it's better, it's better with you.

Cause it's true.

It's better, it's better with you.

Come at life,

it's better with you.

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