MBMBaM 751: Face 2 Face: Tragic Mike Tour

Hey, we know you're chomping at the bit to get at this next little dollop of McElroy content, but we've got some big news that we do.

Can't get enough of it on nasty, nasty, hungry dogs.

We're coming back to the road.

Uh, thanks to those who came to see us in Florida.

We are getting right back out there, though, with this leg of the 20 Thunder Drive tour.

We're coming to Virginia, North Carolina, Michigan, Minnesota, and Ohio.

Tickets are going to go on sale this Friday, February 28th at 10 a.m.

in the local time at those venues.

We got more info and ticket links available at bit.ly forward slash McElroy Tours.

Let's grab someone here at this live show we're at now in Tampa.

See how they feel about it.

Hey, what's up, buddy?

How do you feel about the live show you went to tonight?

That was the greatest night of my life.

Seven out of ten.

Why is your pants wet?

Okay, well, come see us.

Okay, come see us.

I'll never laugh again.

Okay, so bit.ly slash McElroy Tours.

Come see us.

Enjoy the episode.

The McElroy brothers are not experts.

And their advice should never be followed.

Travis insists he's a sexpert.

But if there's a degree on his wall, I haven't seen it.

Also, this show isn't for kids, which I mention only so the babies out there know how cool they are for listening.

What's up, you cool baby?

One, two, three.

It's the start

of something beautiful.

A small acquaintance has blossomed, it's ripened into a precious friendship.

I could have never seen what was coming for me.

Hangs at the skate park, hangs by the beach.

My life,

it feels love.

It's better, it's better with you.

My life,

I,

it's better,

Hello, everybody, welcome, my brother, my brother, me and Vice Show for the Modern Era.

I'm your oldest brother, Justin Tyler McElroy.

What's up, Trav Nation?

Vroom, vroom.

I'm your middlest brother, Travis, big big dog wolf, wolf, McElroy.

What's up?

It's me, your youngest, sweet babiest brother, 30 under 30, media luminary, Griffin, Bill Ford, tough, McElroy.

Now, as everyone in the theater can see, we have left the five best seats open for the five original Power Rangers.

And once again, as we do it, as we do it every show, they have declined the invite.

I have to take the helmet off.

I can't hear anything to do jokes for you that you paid for.

Can you take it off with the gloves on?

Okay.

It is nice.

I will say it is nice after pretty much every year since we've been doing live shows to have a theme where I don't look like a fucking clown and I look cool as shit instead.

They thought I was some sort of human avatar of Lightning Lightning McQueen

when clearly I'm a human member of Lightning McQueen's pit crew.

I thought imagining the only human member.

If you've seen the cars movies, you know that cars aren't allowed to do work on other cars.

That's sex for them.

They obviously can't do that at a public event like the Daytona 500 or whatever happens in the car.

So yes, there's human

human men present.

That they keep around just to service them.

If they had other cars touching Lightning McQueen, you would have to hear Owen Wilson like, oh, yeah.

It is weird at that point when he's doing the race, and we've only seen cars at that point.

And then the like kind of little bit blood-stained like kind of gate opens up and the humans rush out quickly, fix the tires, and then run back cowering.

They never address that in the story.

I will say this.

Not my most mobile costume, ironically enough.

Yeah, you know.

Not a lot of freedom of movement, ironically enough, in my race car pit crew costume.

Specifically, your movement to the bathroom before the show was impeded.

You were mentioning to me, Griffin.

Let's just say it won't come as a surprise to you that the three of us share a pre-show ritual, is that we have to pee as we're walking on stage, basically.

And Griffin could not get in his last-minute pee because of the constrictions of his uniform.

It is extra sad seeing a Lightning McQueen pit crew uniform crumpled on the ground at the foot of the toilet.

I've seen it at so many Comic-Con hotel rooms.

I can't tell you.

You should have just done what they did in the movie and give you a bucket.

Yeah.

He uses the only human.

This costume gap starts at my navel.

There's no access to anything down there.

Well, that's where Cars actually comes from.

This is a big suit-shaped chastity belt in more ways than one.

Griffin Griffin and I were standing backstage and

next to the crew here were getting their first look at our costumes and I told him, don't worry, no matter how much this may look like a strip show, it is not a sort of magic mic tribute act.

To which I responded, tragic mic, which is what the name of the film would be.

Yeah, that's our tour.

Is it the tragic mic?

No, it's not.

It's an advice show.

Yeah.

And that, yeah.

Yeah.

What we do is we take your questions and we turn them alchemy-like into wisdom

And I think we should get started.

Yeah, do you think that there was a small-time stage magician who called himself Magic Mike and then the movie came out and he was like oh man

Everyone's gonna expect me to be cut and nude

Speaking of cut local celebrity Hulk Hogan is a regular at the restaurant where I work.

I really don't want to wait on him.

What can I do to ensure I never have to be his server?

Thanks, brothers.

And they don't leave a name.

I find if I...

Are you here?

Yeah.

All right.

Hell yeah.

I find if I don't want to wait on Hulk, I just tell him we got to be there 30 minutes before we actually do.

And then he'll be ready in time.

Yeah, he'll fall for anything.

I don't know that you want to even ingest talk about hanging out with Hulk.

Yeah, that's true.

Is that what I allude to?

You could hire also as a server Brutus beefcake.

Yeah.

And then Paul Cogan's not going to come sniffing around there anymore.

Yeah.

Because Brutus Beefcake will kick his ass.

Okay, sorry, sorry.

You mean Brutus the barber beefcake?

Or Brutus the baker beefcake or Brutus

the candlestick the candlestick baker beefcake.

Brutus beefcake sounds like he tried to leave wrestling behind him.

He's like, no, I'm no longer Brutus the barber beefcake.

Now I'm just Brutus Beefcake Attorney at law.

Well,

when you become a pediatric dentist, you have to change your name so that it's not scary anymore.

Now he's Brutus the dentist toothache.

Yeah, that's good.

Is there a level of excited to wait on Hulk Hogan you could pretend to be that would ensure you were never allowed to wait on Hulk Hogan?

Speaking.

Oh, please let me run wild on him.

Please.

Like you would, you would shape yourself as such a massive Hulk Hogan.

Now, Travis, I do think that that would probably keep you off Hulk Hogan duty.

Is it worth, I wonder, I'm wondering myself now, is it worth all your coworkers thinking you're an absolute Hulkamaniac?

Now, Justin, I'm glad you asked.

Part of the fiction would have to be that you're a huge fan who hasn't been able to get any updates in the last like 15 years.

Okay, right.

I'm so excited to check in with him finally.

Yeah, my AOL.

What have you been up to?

My AOL free trial ran out, brother.

I haven't gotten any updates.

What are you into, Charity?

What kind of good stuff you doing, man?

You're an American hero.

I can't wait to hear what cool things in the last 15 years.

You and Bubba Love still palling around or what?

That's still best, buds.

Oh, man.

It would be really hard if I ran into him not to tell him about

the giant cookie.

I I promised Dwight I'm going to buy him the day he dies.

Yeah.

But I bet he doesn't want to hear that anecdote.

Oh, there's a giant cookie on the line, brother.

I need to start living life more recklessly.

I enjoy taking trips to the beach by myself.

I don't see what that has to do with Hulk Hogan.

Yeah.

But whenever I do, other people always set up way too close to me, like

way too close, within a few feet of me, even when there's plenty of space elsewhere.

It seems like no matter where I set up to enjoy some sun and see, other people go out of their way to invade my space.

How do I stake out my territory at the beach and keep others from getting all up in it?

That's from Beach Bummed in Orlando.

Are you here?

Hello.

Hi.

Is there a level of Hulk fan you could act like?

I'm wondering now, actually, Travis, if vociferously talking about how much you love, you fucking love Hulk Hogan in 2020.

If it was a boombox busting out, I am a real American, I would probably sit many, many beach lengths away, like several talves.

Even though seven, eight talents away.

You would do that.

But someone who would sit close to someone else on the beach when there's plenty of beach is probably like, hell yeah, brother.

A lot of people are too afraid to sit where it's wet.

Not just at the beach in life.

That's a good...

On dry land, you shouldn't actually sit where it's...

There's not a good wet seat in dry land.

There's not a good wet seat in the house.

I'll say yes.

By the end of the night.

This is a really good point, though, Griffin, about the wet seat.

Thank you for ignoring what I said.

Yeah.

It's not so much ignore as move through by force.

I think that at the beach, I'm not a big beach guy.

And this whole thing about sometimes the ocean can come up to where you are doing your day is so hard for me to calculate.

If I see somebody else has already posted up, I'm going to assume they know what they're doing.

You know what I mean?

Why would I be so presumptuous as to think that I know better than them vis-a-vis distance from?

You should be the part of the beach without sand fleas because someone's there.

It is interesting.

The tide doesn't sneak up on you.

Yeah, right?

I've never been sitting there and be like, the water's all the way over there.

And then, like, two minutes later, be like, ah, that might be a good thing.

Hey, Travis, I should say, you should drink more at the beach because

that happens to me all the time.

What you should do is set up at the edge of the ocean and just every two minutes, inch backwards.

Or don't slowly make it.

And don't worry if there's anyone seated behind you.

They'll move.

Just

sit in a wet hole at the beach.

Wait, it's a hole now?

Yes.

It's primarily a body of water.

What are you doing there if you're not getting wet?

The problem is, if you get there early and it's already wet, by like the end of the day, you've drowned.

Find a tight little sandbar, get out there, and yell at anybody who swims too close about all the easy.

This is my island!

Can I tell you guys, and this is going to come as a surprise to you, I think, but I used to have this exact problem.

People sitting too close to you?

Yeah, at the beach, I was like a person magnet.

Like, people would roll up to me and they would, like, it's just, I realized what my problem is.

And I'm going to share it with you because once I fixed, adjusted this behavior, the problem fixed itself.

What I, it was not about what I was doing, it was about what I stopped doing.

What I stopped doing was every time someone was in 50 feet of me, I stopped shouting, Hey, I got suds for my buds.

Let's do this thing.

And I would shout every time anybody, adult, would get within like 30 feet, like, hey, I got suds for my buds.

Let's do this thing.

And then they would inevitably come over.

And you'd be like, why do they come over?

Why are they coming over?

And I don't know if you ever yell, I got suds for my buds, let's do this thing

at passersby.

Repeatedly until they come over.

Adult passersby.

Yeah.

And if they're children, he has milk duds.

And he yells duds for my buds.

And my adults are kids.

If you ever yell at kids, because you don't, because because you're here, and I appreciate you not yelling at kids.

Thank you.

Here's what I do.

It's a simple trick.

There's a little life act that you guys can have.

It's two things you need.

You just need some big wooden sticks, right?

And you're going to set those up in corners, however big you want.

And then some police tape.

And you're just going to set up a perimeter around yourself and you sit in the middle.

And I promise you, people will leave you alone.

Hey, here's a question for you folks.

This is something

about no matter how close you set up somebody it's it's it's weird at the beach right uh but if you move even three inches closer to them that's way weirder why is that

If I say four feet away, but I move a little bit closer, people get weird, you know?

But if you start two feet away, like the tide.

Like the tide, exactly, Travis.

It's a really good idea.

I'm a human.

The human tide.

That's what they call me.

When you wrestle against Hulk Hogan, it's all going to be about Hulk Hogan.

Please Please, Christ, no, no,

I'd rather that not be the case.

I'm a marine biologist, and a couple of times a year, I'm asked to speak to children about my job.

The problem is, I work with seagrasses,

and the kids find this incredibly boring.

Huh.

They prefer cool stuff like sharks and manatees.

Hey, thanks for examples of things that are cooler than seagrass.

Yeah, I was going to strike.

Yeah, I would have been flailing up here.

like grass in the waves.

Seagrasses are super important habitat, brothers.

All right,

brothers, how do I get children interested in

my extremely exciting underwater plants?

That's from Super Seagrass Savvy in St.

Pete.

Are you here?

Wow, there's so many of you.

Wait, how many marine biologists are here?

That's cool.

You know what, actually?

I bet Tampa Bay has a lot of marine biologists.

I will say for your sales pitch in the future, the leading bullet point shouldn't be cool stuff lives there.

To me, that feels like

I would rather hear about the cool stuff living in the house of the seagrass.

I already don't care a lot about the ocean, but I recognize there's some cool stuff down there.

That's true.

People don't focus on the Fortress of Solitude as the main character in Superman.

True.

It's tough when you have

things that we already have up top yes it's never gonna get the uh billing it's never gonna get the hype as the things that are unique to water i'll give and if you are something that already exists up on land you got to come with some surface heat i'll give you guys an example sponges underwater are alive

yeah that's what it takes because otherwise I'd be like,

I got sponge.

You know what I mean?

But then they're like, this one, J-Man, it's alive.

If just one representative from the marine biology community who asked this question could answer this, scale of one to ten.

How many fun facts are there about seagrass?

Four?

Now, what's interesting is Britain didn't say.

Scale of one to ten, how many?

Does that mean on a scale of one to ten, there's a four-level amount, or there are four?

Four fun facts about seagrass.

One, bigger than landgrass.

Two, slimier significantly than landgrass.

Wetter.

Wetter.

Wetter.

Habitat for all kinds of cool shit that I do not have time to go into right now.

To Justin's point, these kids aren't going to study this.

And if they do, by the time they get to that point, they're jaded adults.

Tell them it can talk, but only underwater.

They don't know.

They don't know.

Oh, the seagrass dances when you're not looking at it.

Yeah.

It's the hair of dead mermaids.

Which.

Well, now hold on.

That might not play the way you want it to.

Yeah.

Good point, Travis.

What?

Yeah, that's right.

Mermaids are real, but they are all dead.

Their lifespan is four weeks.

We trick kids into pillaging turkey carcasses because we told them there's a special bone that grants wishes.

Yeah.

So I feel like we could get this going for seagrass.

Like, it needs a rebrand.

I think if we could call...

I mean, it's

wet.

You could call it wet weed.

Is seagrass different from seaweed?

Okay.

You took a long time.

You had

a long time to answer that.

I'm not so sure.

Well, seagrass, you want to grow.

Seaweed grows in the seagrass.

And you're like, I got to pull this out now.

Get out of here.

We're doing, I got a problem right now.

Sometimes this happens on this show where we talk about something that I know nothing about for long enough that I start to think like, I should really learn more about seagrass.

That's the age I am now.

I don't know about Earthgrass and I deal with that shit all the time.

Yeah, wait a minute.

You just need to change your audience.

I don't want to hear any more shark facts.

I've been fed those against my will for like two decades now.

I don't know shit about seagrass.

If seagrass showed up in my TikTok algo, I'd be like, hmm.

Can I just say,

let's check in here on Seagrass.

You need to start Grass Week.

Grassweek is like a week-long all-special things where like maybe the Mythbusters are covering episodes about seagrass.

And Terry Cruz is there for some reason to talk about seagrass.

Yeah, everybody loves seagrass.

And it's a rebrand, right?

We call it.

We gave you so long.

You had so long to think about it.

Well, nothing there.

I thought there would be, but I didn't think about it in the interim.

I know I looked like I was thinking about it.

Sea left seagrass by Fortnite.

That's right, guys.

We finally did it.

We went and put seagrass in Fortnite.

We partnered with seagrass.

To put it in.

what's the, what's the,

I'm sorry to keep asking you questions.

This isn't usually the format of the show.

But just like, what's the coolest animal that calls seagrass its habitat?

Seahorse.

Yeah, all right.

What you got to do is be like, you kids like seahorse, they may or may not.

I was hoping it would be something fucking rad like barracuda or something.

But like you hold up a seahorse and you say, pretty cool, huh?

You say, Mr.

Seahorse, how do you feel about seagrass?

To get the seahorse to vouch for how cool seagrass is.

And it says whatever you want, so you'll put it back in the water.

Whatever you want, please.

I love seagrass.

This is a great horse.

Do you think that the problem isn't that the kids don't think it's cool, but that when you say a seahorse that lives in seagrass,

that they're like, you need to come up with better terms because you're just putting sea in front of things I have.

Yeah.

You also wouldn't say a horse lives in grass

wouldn't you

no i guess horse has his own home nobody's down there building seahouse barns are they no that'd be pretty cool if they were though i mean horses spend a lot of time around grass they love that shit they do actually you gotta go and talk to the kids about seagrass when they're looking at the seahorses already because they're interested in something yeah yeah that's the thing like those guys they'd all be fucking

dead as disco without this sweet green stuff how are you guys enjoying the seahorses huh I'd like to talk to you about the glue that's holding this whole thing together.

Hi, I'm Justin McElroy, paid endorser for seagrass.

My ecosystem's in danger of collapsing right now.

Not seagrass.

Seagrass, baby.

We can't get enough of this slimy leaf.

We haven't figured out how to mow it, but someday we will.

Someday we'll get down there and master the seagrass.

I'm a proud tummy buddy for life.

We recently did some testing and learned that I have grown out of a deadly allergy to nuts.

Allergies for nuts is for babies.

Whoa, hey.

Whoa, no, we don't mean that.

No, no, no.

This is great news, but I'm still afraid to eat the food that has meant certain death for my entire life thus far.

How do I stay true to my tummy while also becoming faster than fear?

That's from potential pecan eater in St.

Pete.

Are you

here?

Okay.

Wow, you're excited to eat nuts, and who can blame you?

There's a lot of great nuts stuff.

Before we discuss this, three dummies in these outfits,

your doctor told you it was Cool Eaton.

Sure, right.

I promise.

And I get a clear legal yes.

Yes.

Okay.

And you agree that if anything were to happen, like maybe there's one nut, like macadamia or something way off the map, that you eat, and that at your funeral, they played a video of us on stage right now.

You're clearing us of any legal options.

And they have, your family's lawyer has to let the tape play pass to this part, right?

They can't

talk.

We should have said this earlier, but they could have just cut off the beginning.

Yeah,

God, your family's lawyers are good.

Your doctor didn't say, like,

your doctor wasn't like, it's probably cool.

He didn't say like, that, right?

He was like, it's 100.

Not like there's a 99% chance you're cool if you eat pecans.

Did you ask, hey, so have I grown out of my nut allergy yet?

and that doctor just said go nuts and laughed

and then he laughed so hard he passed out and you left but maybe he didn't mean it he just had a killer joke

okay assuming that you are truly over your nut allergy what's like the least nut

oh no oh is that the way you're going because i'm saying by a thousand planners make nut and scrooge make duck right into no no fucking way man it's fine a doctor said so.

No, Travis, you have to ease in because the problem is not with the, it's the fear.

Yeah.

You have to ease in so you have the least nuts, which is, of course, the Tootsie roll.

Because nobody's quite sure.

Yeah.

Is it chocolate?

Is it nuts?

Is it caramel?

Is it gum?

Is it gum?

We don't know.

Maybe start at baked beans to get used to the shape.

Wait, no, like...

Actual baked beans or Boston baked bean?

Like the crunchy...

You start with a regular...

You get Boston baked beans wet.

Yeah.

get an unbaked bean.

An unbaked bean.

A raw bean.

You have Bush's baked beans.

You start cutting in Boston baked beans 10%, 20%, 30%.

If you start with a big vault of peanuts,

dude, they're so fucking good.

Like, you're going to love them.

If you go and you eat a Reese's peanut butter cup right now, you'll fall down dead from the ecstasy of it.

You know what?

I'm gonna say start with those circus peanuts that are like the orange thing.

No, because that's not a peanut, but it's gonna get you

It's gonna get you into the form.

Yeah, you're gonna get used to the form.

It's like I'm sorry.

Is anyone looking at circus peanuts and being like a fat-free candy, huh?

Well, that swayed me.

I'll go for it

three of major allergens.

What's that?

There's

we got we do have ragweed.

That's how we get the color.

Sorry, folks.

We got some real underground shit happening in here.

The marshals are made from chinchilla furs.

Is that okay?

We got a little bit of tungsten.

Let's say it.

Let's put it this way: it's illegal, but only because they don't know to make it illegal.

They haven't heard about it yet.

That's why it's okay.

My sister is on farmersonly.com despite having only four chickens.

How many chickens chickens would you say you should have to be on farmers only?

That's from Lily L.

Lily R.

Lily R.

Are you here?

Is Lily L?

I heard the quietest sound.

That's right.

It's okay.

You don't have to identify yourself.

Yeah, maybe you're here with your sister.

I get it.

What this question presupposes, and I love, is that farmers only isn't just a clever name, that it is a strict policy.

That if you were to go on a date with a farmer and you started talking about your chickens and then let slip you had four, they would stand up and be like, this date's done.

They would probably, yeah, I think they would be well within their rights because you will have lied

to be on farmers only because four chickens does not a farmer make.

Now, here's what I'll say to you.

Thousand chickens does.

But then that doesn't.

There must be a number betwixt the two.

I don't know what it is, but I'm saying four ain't it and a thousand is.

Now, I will start here.

Let me.

5,000?

You're a farmer, right?

Well, you're a

computer.

Yeah, 5,000, you're a conglomerate.

Like, you're a big, major, ag, like, huge.

You're not on farmers only.

You're on, like,

CEOs.

You're the owner of Tyson's Chicken.

BlackRockfans.com, man.

I'm going to slide forward this offer to you, Justin, and you tell me a metaphorical number written on a paper.

With 12 chickens no i could no hear me out i could fill a dozen container every day and sell that dozen container one time a day to someone

farmer i can't spin up in a day and i feel like i could build i could buy a chicken house buy 12 chickens get that going in a day i think the fact that you call it a chicken house means it might be a little harder than you think hey i'm not trying to be a farmer right now you'll know when i'm trying to be a farmer okay that's not now now.

I'm happy with my one two-foot by two-foot square sun chokes that my wife lets me grow every year.

Your wife, the farmer of sun chokes, a popular farmer, sister.

That's true.

I grow tomatoes every year, and I've never been like, ah, rain, good for the crops.

But,

but if you grew 20,000 tomatoes, you would be a farmer, right?

Well, what I've got just is a three-foot by two.

I want to talk about your sister's

frame of mind here because I'm having trouble resonating spiritually with someone who has four chickens and is like, I can't relate to anyone who is not on this fucking vibe.

Griffin, man.

These four chickens mean fucking everything to me and I do not give a shit about anything else in the world.

I would love a fifth chicken.

I don't have room in my heart.

I love these four idiots so fucking much.

I would posit a different possibility, Griffin, that this sister went, man, I want to date a farmer, but where do I find them?

I know I'll meet the bare minimum I can think of to register for farmersonly.com.

The chicken are but a gateway to the dating website.

I also said only farmers, and I think that's a different thing.

All right, I just finished up more day work.

Who wants to see how muddy my feet got?

Have you ever...

No, I don't do teach stuff anymore.

Have you ever been more clearly a podcaster than when you said my work day of work?

That's how people with jobs talk, right?

Well, honey, I'm home from the mill of working.

Now I'm home daytime.

Tough day at the time clock, honey bunches.

Oh,

my boss, a big rat.

I want to try something new, Griffin.

I don't know what our sponsor is for this week's route.

There's two.

We're out on the road.

We got two sponsors.

We're in the money.

I want to do something that nobody's ever done before, Griffin, here in the bowels of the Tampa Theater.

I want to try to guess the sponsor this week.

You're going to give me some clues.

Give me some clues about our first sponsor, Griffin.

Okay, well.

Give me some hints.

How about I just start reading the ad copy i'm warning you i'm really bad at this kind of thing yeah so but don't say the wrong don't get it wrong because that will they won't work with us again so stakes are pretty high i'll just read the okay i'll read the ad copy for a little bit but i'll remove the name of the sponsor okay they will love that okay blank

my pillow nope

Crap.

Sorry.

Let me try you.

You do it again.

Keep going.

Sorry.

My pillow.

It's not my pillow.

It's not my, this one's not my pillow.

I didn't get up on this particular track.

Okay.

Blank makes it easy to create a beautiful website, engage with your audience, and sell anything from products to content to time, all in one place, all my return.

This is embarrassing.

It's a shape.

It's one of the shape ones.

It is one of the shape ones.

Give me another thing.

Give me another thing.

If we don't say the name of the sponsor soon, they legally don't have to pay us.

That sounds like Squarespace, but I feel like that's what you want me to say.

So that's not my official guess because that's what you want me to say.

It is Square.

I do agree.

And just to go back for the times I missed it.

Squarespace, Squarespace, Squarespace, Squarespace.

That's very clever, Griffin.

Go ahead.

Squarespace is your little roost.

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Now, For our second sponsor, I don't know if you want to play the game again.

I'm going to try to

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Yeah.

All right.

Now, Griffin.

Yeah.

Have you ever wanted to leave a legacy?

Sure.

Yeah, absolutely.

Okay.

Well, can you think of any better way of doing that than the planning?

Jimmy John's.

so close actually

no we were looking for fast-growing trees which

I'm excited about fast growing trees Griffin to let the bit go because I have fast-growing trees in my backyard from fast growing trees that have been growing there happily for quite some time now.

They are two little apple trees that are doing very well and they're doing very well because fast-growing trees make it easy to pick plants.

They're going to thrive well in your environment.

They give you all the tips that you need to grow the plant properly.

And if you're having issues,

these are real people that you could reach out to and say, hey, I'm having a problem.

And they've got amazing support.

I've done this.

I've made use of it.

They had to troubleshoot something with one of my beautiful apple trees.

And now it's doing better than ever.

Freaking lemons.

It made lemons, and I had that.

They said, pull it out of the ground, turn it upside down.

J-Man, you done did it wrong.

But that's not what they said.

No.

They gave me the right thing.

Probably some real stuff.

Yeah, they said about

nitrates.

And you probably also didn't have lemons come out of the apple tree.

That was it.

That was it.

I do want to tell you.

It is not born fruit.

That's a joke.

It has not borne fruit yet, but I'm looking forward to it because I got a berry bush, too.

They're all working together.

They even recommended two apple trees that would work nicely together, pollinating each other.

Oh, gross.

No, I'm sorry.

Yeah, it was a little bit forward.

Blasting each other.

I don't have the details, though, about what.

Oh, yeah.

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Hey, before you get back to the rest of the episode, we did want to tell you we got some new tour dates on the 20 Thunder Drive tour.

We're excited to share.

Right now, we're coming to Virginia and North Carolina and Michigan and Minnesota and Ohio.

So come see us if you live in those places or even nearby states and territories.

Tickets go on sale this Friday, February 28th at 10 a.m.

local time.

More info and tickets are available at bit.ly slash McElroy Tours.

Come see us.

Thanks to everybody who in Florida who came out to see us in Tampa, Tampam, and Jacksonville.

We had a good time and

we sure do appreciate you.

Yeah, absolutely.

We got you want to tell us about the new merch.

Oh, yeah, we got some beautiful stuff, Griffin, especially the holographic Dare to Care sticker.

You know, 50% of the proceeds from that beauty are going to be donated to the World Central Kitchen and 10%.

Of all our merch proceeds this month are going to go to that group, which uses the power of food to nourish communities and strengthen economies through times of crisis and beyond.

We got a list of all the organizations that we have been working with over the years and have been able to donate to over the years over at McElroyfamily.ca R D dot C O if you're looking for some places to give, to help out,

that's one spot you could do it.

That's it.

Enjoy the rest of this episode, this live episode that you're listening to.

We just did it last night and it was a hoo.

And we'll be back with a new episode next week.

All right, later.

Later, bye.

All right, we're over 70 episodes into our show.

Let's learn everything.

So let's do a quick progress check.

Have we learned about quantum physics?

Yes, episode 59.

We haven't learned about the history of gossip yet, have we?

Yes, we have.

Same episode, actually.

Have we talked to Tom Scott about his love of roller coasters?

Episode 64.

So how close are we to learning everything?

Bad news.

We still haven't learned everything yet.

Oh, we're ruined.

No, no, no, it's good news as well.

There is still a lot to learn.

Woo!

I'm Dr.

Ella Hubber.

I'm regular Tom Lum.

I'm Caroline Roper, and on Let's Learn Everything, we learn about science and a bit of everything else, too.

And although we haven't learned everything yet, I've got a pretty good feeling about this next episode.

Join us every other Thursday on Maximum Fun.

Like Chilean miners, we've returned from the bathroom.

We've got it after the intermission.

No, but I assume they went to the bathroom at some point.

I'm already so uncomfortable with the fact that we have another what seems like please like Jeb Bush please clap moment as we come out after very obviously using the bathroom.

Would you rather come out in complete silence in darkness, lights come up, we're just sitting there like we've been here the whole time.

I don't know.

Don't worry about it.

My costume's too small and I can't return it now and it was $80.

I really leaned into the thunder aspect.

I didn't lean into the drive aspect as hard as you guys did.

Yeah, but mine's driving and a guy named Lightning McQueen.

It's two things at once.

The only problem is that if I flex my neck hard enough, I can fucking bust out of the...

Oh, my God.

Yeah.

It's like when Lightning McQueen gets angry and turns green, and then he's Lightning McGreen.

Yeah.

Uh-huh.

For sure.

I keep waiting to be interrupted by our older brother.

You got to stop talking for even a half a second for that.

To be interrupted?

I want to munch, squad.

I want to munch.

Welcome to Munch Squad.

It's a podcast within podcasts profiling the latest Grace of Brand Eden.

This is like a podcast.

You came for one podcast.

Well, you're getting two because this is another one inside of that one, which a lot of people don't talk about.

That's a huge value.

So, man, yeah, what's it?

No,

thank you because he's back.

Grimace is back

and he's bringing

Grimace is back and he's bringing his uncle.

That's right, guys.

It's happening.

Uncle,

please, yes, Uncle O'Grimis is back.

no.

No

Now, can I just say real quick for the people at home listening, you can't see this, but they chose to put a green Grimmace with a green hat and a green vest in front of a green screen.

Okay, they didn't choose to do that.

God made him green.

But the the screen could have been any color, Justin.

But then they could pretend that they're in Gladiator 2 or whatever they're going to do with this this image.

This is the first time this has ever happened to me, but I feel

culturally offended.

It doesn't feel very good.

Right, yeah.

Well, let's talk about the history here.

You're in luck.

Shamrock Shake is back starting February 10th.

25 cents from every Shamrock Shake shit.

Oh, because luck.

Jesus, Travis.

A special shamrock.

Let him cook, chef.

This Shamrock season celebration came to life when Grimmis stumbled upon his family's original Shamrock Shake recipe.

That discovery sparked Grimace to reconnect with his vibrant, joyful, and generous uncle, Uncle O'Grimacy.

Now, wait.

Fuck, man.

Wait, what's that pouch in his mids?

What's that lump in his

corner at?

Griffin, you know exactly what that is.

That's an opening, my friend,

where the luck comes out.

I didn't need to see Uncle O'Grimacy.

He's Cloaca.

Can I just say, actually, with that cleft, he looks so much like a ball sack.

Yeah, man.

Yeah, you climb in there to hide your mom's sword.

So, Justin, what you're telling me

is that Grimace

found a recipe for the Shamrock Shake, a thing that's been at McDonald's many times.

And he said, huh, I've never thought about who I'm related to before.

And then maybe did a swab for 23andMe.

Right.

And then said, oh, I'm related to this green Grimace.

I should have noticed the similarities.

Yeah.

Especially since his name is O'Grimacy.

His name has mine in it in a sort of wild Irish pastiche.

Yeah, Uncle O'Grimacy has been in the mix for quite some time, but he's been off of the off the radar for a while.

We haven't heard from Uncle O'Grimacy.

Recovery.

He used to bring the shamrock shakes.

He needed time.

While McDonald's tried to figure out, is this okay?

Yeah, is this fine?

And then they looked around.

They're like, I guess, it's fine, whatever.

So he reconnected.

Grim has had his eat, pray, love journey through Ireland and reawakened,

inspired to.

Fuck off,

Jesus Christ.

Whatever is the problem, that's just a regular man named Uncle O'Grimacy.

Well, with regular eyeballs, just like yours or mine.

The human being that those eyeballs are connected to shifted

three inches to the left.

Yeah.

Is that AI or is that a stock photo?

The shilleli in his hand gives it a five nights at Freddy's vibe.

That's not the only thing giving it a five nights at Freddy's vibe.

I also like that they make it very clear in this ad that it's mint flavored, so you wouldn't think it's shamrock flavored.

Right, that would be gross.

Gross.

Inspired to reunite with Grimace Grimace and support his favorite charity's 50th Milestone, Uncle O'Grimacy packed his bags and embarked on a journey from Sham Rock, Ireland.

What?

What?

Why?

I mean, why, guys?

Why?

Why not just name a real place?

Why not name a real Irish city?

Because then people would go looking for him.

You know, that's the problem.

I bet he's not hard to find.

If you kiss the Seamus O'Grime Grimacy, you get a gift of the lint in your mouth.

Now that he's here, Uncle O'Grimacy.

No!

This image right now tells me that Uncle O'Grimacy has seen some shit.

Our fans eagerly await the Shimrock Shake each.

Is that Grimace talking?

Our fans eagerly await the Shimrock shake each year.

We're thrilled that proceeds from this Minty-flavored treat will aid RMHC in keeping families together, said Joy Sillman, a second-generation McDonald's franchisee.

Cool.

Family is core value at McDonald's, and we live this every day.

And then the person was like, Joy, could you not say that in the article?

Because it's kind of weird.

It's wild.

And my son will be a franchisee owner, and his children will be a franchise.

We've also never met like Ronald McDonald's wife.

Like family, this is a gambit you all have pulled exactly one time, if I'm not mistaken.

And can I also say I love the way that they say we're thrilled, as if it wasn't their decision to partner with Ronald McDonald house.

As if McDonald's and Ronald McDonald's house weren't going to get together until Uncle O'Grimacy stepped in and said, let's get these two kids together.

Uncle O'Grimacy

really

got us over our beef with the Ronald McDonald house.

We used to fucking hate those guys.

Oh, be real.

Excuse me.

Together with our crew customers and iconic McDonald Land character Uncle O'Grimacy.

We're helping RMHC make families feel at home even when they can't be.

And then there's another couple paragraphs about the Philadelphia Eagles.

And then it says...

Oh, wait, is that because they've realized Gritty is related to Grimmos?

Yeah, they're best friends.

Our long sign.

Not the Eagles mascot, but close-ish.

Sorry, I was doing my B-real.

I wasn't paying attention okay great our long imagine how terrifying that feels to be on stage with that kind of energy just like

if I'm not gonna be real

it is so if I it's fucking real though it is as real as it gets that you want him to be real if I could pull my phone out of my pocket without having to reach deep into my crotch to do so I actually saw you

do a move I'm like ah fuck Griffin texted Paul to bring the seam ripper out it would be the same as if you needed to put the B-real on your appendix.

Okay.

Our long-standing tradition of the Shamrock Shake is a testament to the joy we bring our customers.

This year, we're getting back to the first fundraiser that started our incredible partnership with RMHC, said a guy at McDonald's.

This Shamrock Shake season, with a little extra cheer from the Grimmas family, we're reminded that the most precious gift is being close to those you love.

Hey, hey, it's me, Justin McElroy.

If you ever have to be reminded what the most precious gift is by Grimace,

you should probably pack it in.

That's probably it for recognizing joy in your life.

You should probably give up on joy as an idea if you need Grimace

to remind you about your family being good.

Especially since what they're kind of overwriting here is that clearly there was some kind of family falling out.

Because Uncle O'Grimacy has been in the canon before.

So it's as if they should be saying, and we're very thankful to Grimes for reminding us that like, yeah, man, some shit's definitely gone down in the past.

Yeah, it should be Uncle O'Grimacy like,

I just climbed out of the mind hole with a bing-bong.

I'm back.

I've been nothing for 20 years.

What's happening?

Them talking about reestablishing their first charity once again as if the Ronald McDonald and Ronald McDonald's house was a different Ronald McDonald.

Yeah.

Unrelated.

Not like Grimmes and Uncle O'Grimacy.

Can you imagine what a bummer it would be if the only other member of your whole species was your Uncle O'Grimacy?

You're not bringing him up.

He's my only living relative.

Okay, Griffin.

Just real quick, Grimmabeth, Grimace's mom, Louis Grimmis, Grimms' dad, Winky, Grimmace's grandma, Jenny Grimace, Grimmus' great-great-grandma, King Gunga, Grimace's brother, who rules over all Grimises.

Whoa!

Oh, whoa!

Oh, whoa, hold on, hold on.

Does he rule over the Irish Grimises, too?

It's not like they all live together in Grimaceland.

Wait, hold on.

Can we jump back?

His mom's name is...

So his mom's name is Grimmabeth.

And then his dad's name is...

Louis Grimace.

So that would make his name Grimace Grimes?

Named after Grimmabeth.

Grimmabeth, her last name would then be Grimmabeth Grimes.

I mean, she's a strong, independent Grimace.

She kept her own last name, Grimmabeth Johnson.

She kept her own last name in A, not applicable.

Are there any Grimaces that aren't related to Grimace?

That's the real big one, Griffin.

That's the big one that's really going to to be a good one.

So the brother rules over his dad?

Yeah, that's the king.

I'm king.

My dad is like, I'm not dead.

We are going to now help you.

We've helped Grimmas.

Here is how this is going to work.

We're going to call down people by their names, and if they've been provided seat numbers.

When it's your turn, give us your name, your pronouns.

If you'd like, please don't come to the microphone if we don't call you, because we'll have three synchronized panic attacks.

But at at different pitches, which could be lovely.

That could be cool.

Come on down to the mic, my friend.

Hello.

Hi, I'm Tanner.

I also go by Persephone.

Any pronouns?

Hello.

Cool.

Hello.

What is your question?

My question is, so I worked at a clothing store.

Yeah.

And on the first day, I ripped my pants.

How do I go back?

Now, this is a great question.

I worked in a clothing store.

I would like to pause it if it were to happen

which God willing in the other rise there will be.

You can't pause it if you tear your pants at work.

You can try it.

Everybody, pause it.

Pause, pause.

No one looks.

Pause.

Everybody, pause it.

Pause it.

Hold on.

Can I tell you?

This actually did happen to me.

It's actually unrelated to what I was about to say.

When I worked at Best Wise,

I was counting money in my country.

I was like, Scrooge.

No, I was in, I was supposed to count money, and I ripped my pants and I stapled them back together.

Okay.

You did too?

I tried.

Now I'm going to tell you

that when I say I ripped my pants open and I stabled them together and then you say I tried, it does bring to mind that there might have been an injury associated.

No, thank God.

Okay, great.

But here's what you do.

If it happens again, you say,

don't you hate it when this happens to you?

Yeah.

If only I had stronger, better pants.

The first words out there like these over here.

The first words out of your mouth have to be, I bought these somewhere else.

Yeah.

Ah, ah, oh, darn it, Persephone.

That'll teach you to shop at Brand X.

Yeah.

Why did I ever go anywhere else for my great pants?

They weren't pants from the store, were they?

They replaced them for me.

Okay.

Okay.

Can I just say, then you're wrong question.

How do you ensure that it happens every time so you get free pants from work?

Yeah, free new pants.

Or you could even play it off like,

oh, you know, with other pants, I might worry, but here, they'll replace them if you tear them at work.

So it's not even a problem.

It's like anytime I'm in the parking lot of a hospital, my mind just sort of without any sort of reason will offer up the thought, it's the best place to get in a terrible car accident.

They'll fix you up right here.

If I had worked at Best Buy on day one, for whatever reason, I had brought in my TV from home and dropped it and they gave me a new one.

You best believe I'm bringing in every electronic I own from that.

Oh, no!

I'm doing it every time.

Were the pants you got nicer pants?

Yes.

Did you have to pay for them?

Or was no, my manager did?

The manager paid for the pants?

Perseveny, this is a good place.

Hey, I would stick with this place.

It sounds all right.

It is crazy.

Did you quit because of

now for 70?

Can I ask you a question?

Yes.

And it fired my caller, Percy.

Did you quit?

Did you quit between the time you sent this question in and now?

So you had already quit before you asked us, how do I go back?

I did quite a while back.

Okay, Persephone, did you quit while you were wearing the pants that were gifted to you?

I might have.

Okay, Persephone.

Did you say these new pants are giving me such confidence?

I realize I don't need this job anymore.

I came here to pull off one very specific short-run grift.

I don't need the paycheck.

Thank you.

These pants cost $340.

Everybody here can learn some from this.

Absolutely.

Persephone, does that help?

Thank you.

Thank you.

Oh, what a riot.

Hi, how's it going?

Hello.

I'm good.

How are you?

Very good.

So good.

Thank you.

Hello, Tampa audience.

Hello, Tampa audience.

Everyone, say hello.

I am truly going faster than fear right now because this is hello intimidating.

I appreciate you taking the time to hype up the audience no one ever does literally it's never been done before it's never been done before so i appreciate that no one ever says hi to everybody just basic manners

uh who who are you oh i'm mackie hello mackie hi griffin can i just say real quick when they say that they're moving faster than fear and then you ask who are you it's maybe not i who are you

Justify yourself.

I don't think I asked it in a way that made you feel nervous did I it's okay that should have been the first thing I said but no it's I mean yeah but

but other than that you're doing great so far Maggie I'm sorry I really don't want to project this energy it's the fucking jumpsuit I look so cool right now Griffin why does this energy never fucking stick to your brand that's what I want to know why is his brand all like rainbows and eating bananas you forget he's a dick like 80% of the time.

He just like gives you this, like, am I a stinker look?

Like, I guess you are.

Water off a dick's back.

Yeah.

Mackie, I'm so excited for your question.

Maybe when he hits 40, that the gravy train will finally run out, right?

Everybody then will get onto his fucking act.

So, I'm so sorry.

I'm really curious to hear your question, but my brothers are just chatty.

It's okay.

It's okay.

What's your question?

I had a couple of questions.

You had one about being a NASA employee and

a certain factor of your job.

Yes, I am a NASA employee.

Yeah!

Space program.

I love my job.

How can I be more interested in the very frequent launches that happen while I'm there?

Okay.

This is so interesting, Mackie, because there was a sort of syntactical debate between us on stage.

Yeah, a discrepancy as to what your intention in the question was.

So, when you ask that, when you say, How can I be more interested?

My read was, and I'm feeling very confident now, that you were like, These launches are so frequent, I've lost interest in them.

Versus, how do I sneak out to go to these kick-ass rocket ship launches,

which is what me and Justin thought the question was.

But you're saying, Where are you at?

You're saying these launches are so frequent, you need

something to rekindle the fire, perhaps.

So, yeah, they happen a a lot.

And

wait, not a lot, though, right?

Wait, how frequent?

Like more than you guys are telling people a lot.

Don't just say a lot.

How many times a day?

Yeah.

It's

a lot.

Like they have a counter before you get in through the gate.

I think we're at 15.

Somebody down.

15 launches for the year so far.

For this year so far.

Here's one thing I would do.

You could see that from a lot of different places.

I would probably try to sell tickets.

Like if you set up a cool little theater someplace or maybe just some launch area.

There's open a Burger King franchise nearby.

How close can you open a Burger King?

Good question.

And then sell tickets for parking at the parking lot?

Actually, it would be interesting to record for history how far away you have to build a Burger King from a rocket launch place in case that number changes.

But you're not a Johnny Rockets?

Right, you could just remember that you know it used to be illegal to build burger kings near rocket place

all i say is if i'm an astronaut i'm on my way to the launch and i see a window where i could order a burger on my way that's a good market that no one's capitalizing on

does it scare you if you don't know it's about to happen it does actually they don't tell you they do but i I delete the emails.

Okay.

I can't blame you.

Yeah.

So they tell you big fire explosion happening nearby and you're like,

the windows just start shaking and you hear a noise and I'm in the middle of a meeting trying to like, oh, is this planned?

Everybody is this planned?

Is this planned?

This planned?

Is this planned?

I mean, as opposed to what?

It's really good that I'm not a rocket person because I think that I would probably try to get you fired if I heard that.

If I was like, if I saw you like freak out one time about a rocket launch, that everybody around me was like, hell yeah, 337 today, right, Mike?

Mackie.

They did the countdown and everything.

Can you not assume that if it was not planned?

Like, here's the thing.

If you've ever flown on an airplane and you start to panic about plane travel, look to the flight attendants and see if they're freaking out or not, right?

Yeah, yeah.

Hey, hold on, hold on.

You sure?

Okay.

But now.

Just saying.

Okay, so two years ago, what I just said is true.

But what I'm saying now is this is as if I'm on the plane and I look out the window and the plane starts to leave the ground and the flight attendants go, what the fuck is happening?

Is there someone in the office who goes around like, oh boy!

Is there someone in the office sort of monitoring enthusiast

from the employees?

Well, no, there's obviously

that we're like, oh shit, again?

Is there someone who's like looking today?

There's someone who's like, did you see the launch, launch, Mackie?

Like, is anyone making sure that you're as fired up about this as you're supposed to be?

Does that help?

It does.

I do just, I want to let you know, Mackie, before you go, that there's a little bit of perspective I'd like to offer, which is that our jobs do not offer us any kind of exclusive rocket launch access.

Not exclusive.

No, we get to see it with everyone else, basically.

Until I sell tickets.

Until you sell tickets to your burger king drive-in.

Mackie, I'll switch places with you.

We'll switch places any day.

Yeah.

Thank you.

I love you.

Does that help, Maggie?

It does.

Thank you so much for coming.

You did an amazing job.

Hello.

Hi there.

I'm Benjamin.

Hello, Benjamin.

Did I say your name weird?

You said it perfectly.

Thank you so much, Benjamin.

Benjamin, do not.

Do not suck up to my brother.

Benjamin.

Hello, Benjamin.

Benjamin.

My father, and I've learned that your father have very similar tastes in music.

So, you're saying we have the same father?

Whoa, Benjamin.

A twist I didn't say that.

Am I the fourth?

Is it B?

Or am I the fourth?

Oh, shit.

Oh, wait.

Hmm.

Anyway, it'll be great.

Please, sir, go ahead.

My dad loves Chicago, the band.

Right.

Thank you for clarifying.

I have recently come to discover that your dad loves Chicago based on the most recent McElroy Family Clubhouse.

Fantastic episode by the way.

Thank you.

Thank you.

Wow.

Wow.

Thanks.

Wow.

Thank you.

Thank you so much.

Thank you so much.

You'll get your money later, Benjamin.

Like and subscribe.

Like and subscribe.

What a weird place to meet a fam.

Wow.

Sheesh.

Anyway,

my dad lives about an hour north of here.

I flew down from Vermont just to see you guys.

Holy shit.

Thank you, Benjamin.

So wait, you flew down from Vermont, but your dad lives an hour north of here.

Yeah, we're not

super tight.

Nice.

Okay, you want to.

Hey, Benjamin, speak on that.

No, no, no, no.

Actually, don't, because the stakes of this are already super high, and now they're kind of weirdly super duper high.

Yeah, I don't want to infringe on the thank you so much Benjamin.

Yeah,

but yeah, I want to impress him with deep-cut Chicago the band factoid.

All right, sure.

And I know your dad's here, so like, Clement.

I want to come here.

Yeah, dad, are you?

Dad, do you want to come out and drop some?

Hi, Matt.

I need to talk to you three.

Can I tell you, it would be wild if with your fake family, you also use the name name Clint McElroy.

And Benjamin was a fan of the podcast and never put that together.

Okay.

Dad, Benjamin needs a sick-ass Chicago fact.

Yeah.

How many you need?

Benjamin also watched Chicago.

Hey, hey, hey, can I answer?

Hey, can I also stress?

Got it.

I'm also going to stress, when we got this question, I told our dad he was not allowed to do any research about this.

This had to be off the top of the dome.

So what dad is about to spit is what dad knows.

Also, Benjamin, watch the most recent McRoy Family Clubhouse and will burn your ass to the ground if you bring anything that you shared.

Recycle that old business.

Oh, it's got to be something new.

Yeah, about it.

Yeah, a new Chicago fact in the last 24 hours.

In the album, Chicago 7.

If you guys need to go to the bathroom, by the way, this is basically going to be a little convo between Dad and Benjamin.

There was an iron-on transfer of the Chicago logo with a cardinal on it.

Yeah, when was the last time you got an album?

Wait, sorry, Dad.

Hey, Dad, can I just tell you just a quick director's note?

You didn't deliver that like it was the end of the fact.

You delivered it like it was a question you were asking Benjamin.

Maybe next time the inflection should be, there was

a thing with a cardinal on it instead of there was a thing with a cardinal on it.

I'm talking about how we need to, at our live shows, have less pressure on ourselves to always be joking.

Like, we need to leave room.

We need to leave room to, like, just talk as people because the energy gets a little like, eh.

I am now second-guessing that in a major way.

I actually think that impulse is completely wrong.

Yeah.

Sorry,

I am talking to your brother.

So.

They were once sued by a bus company.

Chicago Transit.

They were sued because their original name was Chicago Transit Authority.

They were sued by the actual bus company, Chicago Transit Authority, to change their name, which is why they are known as Chicago.

It's weird that the city of Chicago never sued them.

Like, what if people are confused and they think you're the city of Chicago?

What if people travel to you, the band, Chicago,

and then try to eat pizza while standing on you?

Factoid number two, the original seven.

Wait, no, no, you've done two already.

Don't try to get three.

they said three.

Yes, but this is three.

The Cardinal Dumb one.

Peace, the one who said.

Robert Lamb, Terry Cath, Danny Sarah from Lee Lockname, Walter Perez ADA, James Pank Cowell, the original seven members of the funky Wendy City seven members.

Ladies and gentlemen,

my boring old dad.

Ladies joke again.

One more big round of applause.

Does that help, Benjamin?

Thank you, Benjamin.

Thank you, Benjamin.

Thank you, Clint.

Thank you.

Thank you, Mac.

Man, hi.

Can you imagine how

jazzed his dad's going to be when he plays that bit for him?

Like, can you believe it?

The Macroory brothers talked about you.

Sorry that he said that he was my dad so much.

Also,

Benjamin, I'm going to give you the beginning of this and you can finish it.

Something about Pisodera.

There's something about pet, etc.

There's something about like

pets, et cetera.

There's something in there.

You can use that.

It's probably better.

This isn't funny, but when you find it, it's going to be funny.

Yeah, you're going to laugh at about two ins.

Hello.

Hi.

Hey, what's up?

Hey, brothers.

I'm Charles.

He is.

Hi, Charles.

Hi, Charles.

So I just moved to Florida from Des Moines, Iowa.

Okay.

I just got a job at a warehouse last month.

Right.

You sound so surprised, Charles.

No, it's shocking.

Yeah, it sounds like they called you and said, you're working at a warehouse.

No, yes.

Did you apply to this job?

I was an independent artist prior to this, so the fact that I got a job at a warehouse is shocking.

Okay, cool.

You were on OnlyFarmers.

Yes, exactly right.

Yeah.

So I work at a coffee roastery.

And we,

a few months before I got hired, we got a machine that packages K-cups specifically.

Cool.

And everybody at the warehouse is terrified to use this machine except for the one person who's allowed to use this machine.

And they decided that I should be the trainee that learns under them how to use this.

All right.

So the training that I got was:

first, you push the start button.

Yeah.

And now you guys know how to use the K-Cook machine.

Yeah.

Okay.

I could go get my license right now.

Right now.

What's the question?

What's your question?

The question is, I need to know how to keep K-Fabe that this is a scary machine that only I should be allowed to touch because

while I was being trained, the person who trained me said, push the start button and then started watching wedding crashers on their phone.

Fucking hell, man.

Now, wait, sorry, Charles.

Is that an intrinsic part of the process?

Charles, did they look up from their phone and say,

Charles, if you fuck this up for me, I will kill you.

I've been running this griff for 10 years.

Did they say you can watch any movie with Vince Vaughan in it?

But if you don't, the machine will explode.

Also, don't get it twisted.

Frank Claus doesn't count.

Frank Klaus is weirdly, it doesn't work.

And I get this, Charles, because K-Cubs.

Wait, wait, wait.

What is your question, Charles?

How do I keep everybody thinking that this machine is very scary so only I get to use it?

Yeah, sure.

Cool.

Okay, but here's the thing: because I think K-cubs are inherently scary because people are used to tampons and pads, and K-cubs are new.

Travis!

It's a good joke.

I mean, it's a good joke.

You gotta kick it.

It kicks ass.

It kicks joke.

It's a good joke.

Charles,

how much of a buildup do you think you can sustain before you actually press the button?

Like, do you think you can get away?

Stand back!

Like, I get 15 minutes of, like, getting close to it, and you're like, no, okay, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, wait, what's the weather outside?

Cloudy?

Fuck no.

The humidity is too high.

Everybody just shut up.

If everybody just shut up for one second, I can do it.

Everybody, just shut up.

Let's check the pH.

Close, Paul.

You're too close, Paul.

Can you bring a friend into work under the guise of they now work there, but they only show up one day and then they never show up?

And if anyone asks you what happened to them, you'd be like, Yeah, man, I fell in the fucking K-cup machine, got turned into K-cups.

Got cupped, bro.

Got cupped real hard.

Hey,

how much of your pinky do you need?

Cool.

Hey, I said need.

Probably not as much as I think.

Yeah, you need one finger for the K-Cup machine, button.

I know that much.

One button to start, another one to start wedding grass.

Wait a minute, wait, wait, wait.

This is actually really important.

Really important.

If you press the start button,

will it just go forever?

Is there some way to stop it?

Is it going right now?

So,

is there a mannequin of you sitting in this?

Is there a off?

There is an off switch.

So why are we freaked about ai this is my thing

the machine will stop itself if the lid is off a little bit and then you go oh oops sorry you fixed the lid now that sounds scary to me and then you push the start button again

you have to reach deep into the machine to knock the lid in place going so you just have to wait for your opportunity to reach in real quick and grab it up

charles does that help that super helps there

thank you Hello.

Hello.

How's it going?

I'm pretty nervous, so I'm living faster than fear just being here.

Like, I appreciate you living faster than fear while very clearly wearing a protest shirt for Tummy.

Yeah, I won't let you.

Is that why you're

nervous because of the bootleg merch?

I didn't think you'd see this.

I was like, you didn't think we'd see it.

You wrote a question in and then you sat in the spotlight.

I'm actually really glad you asked the question because at the beginning of the show, like before when we did the sound check, I said, can we move the light a little bit?

Because it's like right on that person's face.

And they scooted over a little bit and then it was right in your face.

And then you started up to ask a question.

I went, oh, okay.

Okay, good.

Hello.

How can we help?

May I please ask your name?

My name is Rosie.

Is that better?

That was really good.

I kick-ass.

Awesome.

Actually, Kevin, it was...

It was worse.

You heard it, though, right?

Yes, I heard that one.

Okay, but you heard it.

The vibe was off.

Like, even in trying to rip on it, it's like, yeah, yeah, yeah.

Okay, go ahead.

This is also kind of about my dad, coincidentally.

Kick-ass.

Wait, what?

I didn't mention it in the question.

I didn't think you'd choose it, actually.

It's a kick-ass question, Rosie.

So, my dad likes to buy pheasants.

Yeah, we've been there.

He lives in Missouri.

This is his second pair of pheasants that he's gotten.

He has.

Hold on, hold on, hold on.

You just dropped two things on us really fast with a tone of voice of like, you know,

he lives in Missouri, pheasant country, and bought a pair of them.

Like, you have to do, or they'll kill each other and can I also say the second pair of pheasant implies that the first pair went out at the same time no the first pair is fine they're still there okay great okay

so why not his first quadrangle

let's hear Rosie's question so he got a golden picked a pair of golden pheasants originally and then he got really interested in tragopan pheasants I don't know if you've seen their mating displays they're really weird I thought sorry trag tragopan Tragopan?

I have not seen their mating displays.

I've seen a lot of other pheasants.

A lot of other mating panes.

I thought you said dragon pan.

Dragon Pan, I've seen their...

Try, go ahead.

They're really weird.

I thought it was weird.

Even for pheasant mating displays they wear.

Really?

Can I ask, unless it's like yucky?

No, it's really cool.

They look kind of like aliens.

They've got this like multicolored flap that like opens up.

No, sorry.

Hey, hey, hey, Rosie.

It's weird.

Where's the flap?

On their like.

Okay, but hold on.

No, hold on.

Look at them.

They do look like an avatar bird.

Paul, if you could pull up a picture of a tragopan pheasant.

No.

No, there's better pictures.

Hey, you shot your shot, Paul.

It's all good, man.

Okay, but we can all agree that just saying

in a breeding thing, in a mating ritual, they open up their flap.

That maybe there might be a lot of people.

These guys look fucking...

This picture does not do credit to how fucking avatar-ass these birds look.

Holy shit.

Can I say something earnestly for a second?

I never would would have thought that I would have a career that is specifically built to just bring me the world's most fascinating people.

But

I feel so thrilled to come out here.

And this is our first show this year.

I feel so thrilled to come out here and meet you, absolute maniacs.

You're the most fascinating humans on the planet.

And can I say my favorite thing?

We haven't even gotten to the actual question.

So, how can we help?

One of them escaped the enclosure.

Male or female?

The female.

The Tragopan or the golden?

The Tragopan.

Okay, this all helps.

The female's name is no, the female's name is Winter.

The male is Vivaldi.

Yep.

There's another female that they have not named yet.

We don't know.

They didn't want to go spring or fall or the other four seasons.

Again, my dad is an interesting guy.

He loves Vivaldi.

I'd say

way more interesting than our daddy.

He was just out of here.

Did you hear him?

Did you hear him?

He just talked about the band Chicago.

Not cool bird shit.

I bet pheasants make cool bird shit.

I bet so.

What if pheasants?

So, pheasants.

Yeah, right.

That's fucking crazy.

They look like imagine just stumbling on that shit.

He looks like the spitter dinosaur that killed Wayne Knight.

Or like a cool rave vagina.

Travis?

Travis.

I'm saying if you saw.

How dare you say what Griffin was

You standalized.

No, no, hold on.

No, hold on.

What's a rave vagina, Travis?

What the fuck does that mean, Travis?

If you sell a vagina under black light.

Travis, that's.

Yeah.

Get that gone.

Get that gone.

So, uh...

My face hurts.

You need help?

want?

What do you want?

Like, what do you want?

You destroyed him.

Look at that shit.

That's crazy.

What do you want?

Why do you want this to come back?

You just want this to be away from you.

Somebody painted this mural on the wall of a laser tag blaze, and the boss is like, I think I need to fire him because I think that's a vagina.

Yeah, I need that.

How tiger it is.

It probably got stolen by an insane wizard.

Yeah.

Like, look at it.

It's incredible.

What's the question?

What do you want?

how do you kill it no

it's weak spot just look

it's the purple

need some tips on how to catch it okay oh yeah

so what is hey can i just say when i look at that bird don't look fast no

Or it looks extremely fucking fast.

It's either one of the two.

Yeah, you actually don't get to look that stupid and be slow at the same time.

Can your dad get his hands on some space mushrooms?

Because that's the diet of this guy, I bet.

What you're going to want is a varied environment that will appeal to a pheasant.

So you're going to want to put out some grain, some sorghum, some wheat.

Did you look up pheasant shit backstage?

So I did, but then

I got on TikTok.

So I have burnt through.

Could you recreate?

Justin, could you recreate some pheasant calls?

Let's finish.

some pheasant calls for us.

That was him clearing his throat.

Guys,

if you laugh during it, you could mess it up.

This is something that Josie can play on their phone.

You can't play it on your phone.

It's just recorded.

Pheasants are easily spooked.

Please stay absolutely silent while my brother does pheasant calls he learned on TV.

Stay quiet.

Get ready to record.

shut up shut up

there you go does that help

yes i will play these for my dad

he's gonna love them tell your dad that he owes me 20 on only fans whoa whoa thank you you can bring the lights down Hey, Tampa, you've been such a Tampa.

Thank you.

This is our first show of 2025 of 20 Thunder Drive.

You all have been fucking incredible.

You're amazing.

Thank you so much.

I'm waiting an appropriate amount of time for Paul to get back to the table to talk about Maddie's posters.

Whenever Paul's ready,

can we go to the poster, Paul?

There it is.

Thank you so much.

There's our

grab one of those if there's any left.

We signed a whole bunch of them.

There's also coins out there.

All proceeds from these coins go to Feeding Tampa Bay.

It's a beautiful double-sided, no matter which theme

you've really resonated with this year.

And if you don't already have tickets, we're going to be here tomorrow night as well doing the Adventure Zone.

Doing

Taz versus Romeo versus Juliet.

It's going to be a fun time.

Thank you to Montane for the use of our theme song.

My Life is Better With You.

It is a fantastic track.

We're so grateful to be able to use it.

And she...

Yeah, we have a Faster Than Fear.

This is going to be our first line Faster Than Fear.

And I think because of the outfit Griffin is wearing and the character discussed in the thing, and maybe what he might be, if you squint your eyes reminiscent of.

What are you talking about?

That Griffin should read this question.

Maybe Justin and I will quietly vroom, vroom, vroom.

Yeah?

Vroom, vroom, vroom vroom.

That's not what Carr's sound.

You will practice this, but that's not what Cars sounds.

This year, I'm going to be faster than my fear of the Kool-Aid Man.

My name is Justin McElroy.

I'm Travis McElroy.

Reven McElroy.

My brother, may kiss your dad square on the lips.

It's better with you.

It's better, it's better with you.

It's better, it's better with you.

Cause it's true.

It's better, it's better with you.

Come at less.

It's better with you.

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