MBMBaM 752: A Complex Story About Beans

The McElroy brothers are not experts, and their advice should never be followed.

Travis insists he's a sexpert, but if there's a degree on his wall, I haven't seen it.

Also, this show isn't for kids, which I mention only so the babies out there will know how cool they are for listening.

What's up, you cool baby?

One, two, three, it's the start

of something beautiful.

A small acquaintance has blossomed, it's ripened into a precious friendship.

I could have never seen what was coming for me.

Hangs at the skate park, hangs by the beach.

My life,

it feels love.

It's better, it's better with you.

My life,

I,

it's better, it's better with you.

This is true, all

It's better.

It's better with two.

Hello, everybody, and welcome to my brother.

My brother, me and Advice Show for the modern era.

I'm your oldest.

This is untenable.

What up, Travis Nation?

Vroom, vroom.

It's me, your middlest brother, Travis, big dog Wolf Wolf McElroy.

This is Griffin.

It sounds like you are trying to tell me a little secret.

Travis,

You're drunk and trying to tell me a little drunk secret.

We're at like a family wedding kind of deal and you're drunk and you're like, here comes Uncle Justin.

Oh, he's going to tell us something about

Aunt Josephine that everybody knows, but nobody talks about.

Yeah.

Here comes Justin to tell us about it.

I got,

okay, well, I got a root canal.

And this is the time that they could get me in because there's an emergency because my mouth hurts so bad.

Yeah.

And this is the time they could get me in.

11 o'clock.

Okay.

And that is the time that I have to, after that, do my brother, my brother, me here.

Oh, so that's where I started to get to the end.

This is the thing is, can I tell you something?

Yeah.

This is the time I do my job.

You know what I mean?

Like, this is the time I do my job.

For sure, for sure.

And this is the time when the people are going to be.

I can't believe, Justin, I can't believe that you would do your job and record my brother, my brother, and me at the same time.

That kind of split focus.

That's weird.

No, no, this is my job travis what this is my brother my brother me my brother me is so the thing is and obviously there's nothing implicitly funny about making fun of the way someone talks i want to say that out loud to acknowledge it what i'm saying is that The time we record this show is and can be quite flexible.

We're your brothers and we love you.

And we record this bad boy a good five days in advance.

I love you too, man.

Thank you so much.

But it feels, and it feels to me like you were almost you sent us a video from the car like i'm up let's do this baby

um and then was it it almost seemed like you wanted to do that like you wanted to see what happened to notes on the job aspect of it like if you were a pitcher and you had just gotten some kind of thing done to your arm that made your arm numb yeah and you're like i'll put me in coach i'm ready to pitch or if you were a podcaster and you accidentally glued a kazoo into your mouth and then you were like okay but our podcast doesn't go up for five days

i've got this kazoo in my mouth we got a roll baby because wade boggs pounds too many brewskies the night before and then the next he gets more he calls it getting bogged down please yeah and then the next morning he's got to go out and hit home runs okay yeah he that's when he does his job do you understand 1130 on wednesdays is when i do my job it's 12 15.

the only yeah i had it's a little late because of my root canal i don't know if you heard traffic

i heard and continue to hear every word.

He's just a little bit because he was drilling into my tooth.

Yeah.

I'm just saying.

I'm a dentist, right?

Tomorrow, Friday, juice for me, wide open, pal.

I'm saying this bad, this baseball game can play anytime we want.

The only reason to reschedule, there's only one reason, is if I can't do my job at the time I'm supposed to do my job and Griffin, it's time to go to work.

It's time to go to work.

It's time to make it work.

Like, you know what I mean?

Yeah.

If I didn't have to work right now, I'd do what I always do when I'm not working.

I go to my kids' school and I pull them out.

I say, I can teach them more than you people ever could.

If I didn't have to do my job, I'd do my other job, take my kids out of school, and teach them everything they need to know.

Justin, I'm worried that.

My kids are in school.

That means I'm doing my job right now.

Right, right.

I'm worried that the numbing has moved beyond your lip and mouth to like your brain.

Are you on the parts of your brain that exercise restraint?

okay i mean

it was not the most pleasant experience so like anything dude yeah makes them feel a little shaken up you know okay but i didn't i also didn't skype you guys into my vasectomy right like i don't matter how much we asked i didn't make you a part of that i think

i think the difference is yeah for the shows that you miss because of your vasectomy right

this is when i

you no no no i don't say that to end that sentence.

That ending doesn't end that sentence.

You can't say because of the time you took off your vasectomy, this is when I do my job.

We only have so many.

I'll say it.

That was the choice that you made for you, right?

You used your

choice I made for me was to record the episode

if I may.

It was to record the episodes of the podcast that I would have done during vasectomy time at a different time.

Do you know what I mean?

That was the choice I made.

And you have made a different one today.

Okay.

Yeah.

But

when I left,

the tooth doctor, my tooth doctor,

Dr.

Chomp, he said to me, Hold on.

What?

Make them laugh today.

Well, you go out there and I did my job.

And then he took a big huff off of the nitrous that he had.

He was like, you got there.

You did the same thing for them.

Yeah.

He said.

He said, Justin, I'm feeling, I got to be honest with you, I'm feeling kind of low.

And I was like, that's too, I hate to hear that, Dr.

Chomp.

And he said, just, promised me, like, I did my job, right?

And I was like, yeah, you did.

And he said,

this is when I do my job, is what he said.

He said, well, no, because he had already done it at this point.

He had lifted a cigarette.

Just now.

Just now is when I do my job.

So

he had lit up in the office and he'd have been like, that was when I did my job.

He's ripping.

Hold on.

This dentist was ripping darts in his own office.

I don't know if it's a dentist or not because my dentist won't do the root canal.

So I don't know if this guy's a woman.

I

they afraid of it it was cosmetic it was uh it was a cosmetic cosmetic root canal yeah yeah i was having some some neon electric in there yeah well you just had you had ugly roots before i think we could all get your roots done your gnarled tooth roots

do you think that there's ever a time when like dr chomp goes to like the therapist and he's like and my toothroot's so bad i can't laugh and the therapist is like well you got to go see this amazing dentist.

His name is Dr.

Chomp.

And he says, but doctor, that's the problem.

But I am Dr.

Chomp.

Yeah.

I mean, that's haunting, Trav, just to hear you.

It has to keep going up, right?

Because if you're the clown Pagliachi making the dentist laugh, okay, cool.

Now, who's taking care of the dentist's teeth?

You know what I mean?

Yeah.

Who tooth doctors the tooth doctorsman?

That's really trap.

Killer point, man.

As always.

We don't think about this, but life is about community.

If I want people, it takes a village to take care of teeth.

Trev, do you want to speak on this?

I see at the top here a Groundhog's Day update slash clarification.

Is this a question or is this

talking news or

a lot about Groundhog's Day a couple weeks ago, roundabout Groundhog's Day?

We got an update from Alexis who lives in Pucksetawney.

First of all, telling us that the people of Punxetawney, by and large, dislike Groundhog's Day because of the huge flux of Groundhog heads who come in and just fill up and take advantage of the city's small infrastructure.

Did you say they take advantage or you say they hog it?

Because I'd say they

oh man.

But Alexis also shared there are some very weird things about the holiday that I think you'd enjoy.

Such as the inner circle, Phil's closest group of pals who make sure he gets the elixir of life every year so he can continue making his predictions.

Also, to answer Teresa's question, because we talked about it on trainers too, the inner circle doesn't have to guess if Phil sees his shadow.

They ask him directly in Groundhog ease, which only the president of the inner circle can understand.

Phil and Phyllis have also recently become parents to two little Groundhogs, Sonny and Shadow.

I don't need to know about the Groundhog's family.

Everything else you said kicks ass.

Well, as far as I know, only Phil and Phyllis get the Elixir of Life.

Okay.

It's nice that they give them to both of them, and it's not just Phil or Phyllis who then have to watch as spouse after spouse.

Oh, you should listen to the musical on TikTok about this exact subject because it is heart-wrenching.

Listen,

Alexis, I do have to quibble with one thing.

Everyone hates in Pung Satani, hates that everybody comes in to like see the Groundhog and do all the Groundhog stuff.

And then you're like,

come close, though.

It is actually so cool and actually cooler than anybody knows about.

Like, why are you trying to make it more appealing?

Now I definitely, definitely want to come and see this crazy inner circle and everything i don't know what the nightlife scene is in punk satani but i bet if you're in phil's inner circle you own

you run that shit you will never you will never buy your own weed if you're part of the inner circle no way someone's got you how do you think you learn how groundhog ease you know you've got to reach a higher plane That would be cool if this person, this elected official, I guess, did have a sort of cult of personality about them.

Like, yeah, man, one day I ascended the mountaintop.

I claimed the great power within, and now I can speak to groundhogs.

Oh, but you know that every time that happens, like that, that elected official knows that, like, he is still living in the, let's call it what it is, shadow.

of a great man that like yeah he's high up there and he's wielding the power but he is the right hand to the true kid to the real yeah, to the real kid.

The groundhog.

There must be a moment when that electorate official goes to pull Phil out of whatever hutch they keep him in so that he doesn't.

I don't think they yank.

Do they yank him?

They freeze him, I think.

I think they freeze him.

I think they freeze him.

Between the days, because they've had the same guy going

for the elixir of life keeps him eternal.

But there must be a moment when he goes to pull him out where he thinks, like,

this bastard, I could, oh, he's gonna, he's gonna take all the limelight from me yeah but i need him oh but i wish i didn't need him i'm so jealous that i love him so much of the same that's that's the thing because he can speak groundhog he's this the elected um groundhog conduit uh knows that punksatani phil is uh a real shithead a real problematic fave and he wants nothing more than to throw him right on the ground anytime he pulls him out um but don't you guys believe him if you guys understood some of the shit that punksatani they pull him out of that hole and he immediately starts screaming just the worst stuff you've ever heard or imagined.

Griffin, you took three years of Groundhog Ease in high school, right?

Would you say you're fluent?

I took three years in high school, and I took one double credit AP class in college,

which they don't usually offer those.

And so, yeah, I mean, I can speak.

I can read it,

but I can't speak it, which sucks because they definitely can't write.

Yeah, if you found yourself, like if you woke up right now in the middle of like a Groundhog complex of tunnels, you think you could find your way out of it?

I get out of it.

Yeah, yeah.

You're with Wayne.

You got to hand it to us, right?

A lot of shows don't have the guts to go on a full protracted Groundhog run, a full calendar month after Groundhog Day has passed.

But you can't come to us here in March.

We are still going to be on about Groundhog's Day.

Christmas has a long lead-up, but Groundhog's Day has a long tail.

You know what I mean?

Ironically.

You've got to remember it.

Maybe if we brought him up a bit more, there'd be a bit of accountability.

Yeah.

Maybe if we remembered him in April and we're like, huh, this is weird.

This doesn't exactly line up with what you were talking about.

Let's check in in May.

What do you think, Phil?

Or why don't we let him predict other things?

Yes, but

God.

Why are we just asking him about that one time a year?

Like, is there going to be more winter or not?

Right?

Like, we all agree on his prognostication abilities.

And yet we're not asking him about global markets.

We're not asking him about,

you know anything related to like hey what's the future look like do we need to get on this problem how are we working and he's just like asking about winter boys justin is just looking more and more impressed with how much meat we've carved off this yeah in old stinky bones in march

long time transgender listener first time question asker i'm going to be on testosterone soon and plan on doing a weekly vlog where i talk about the changes happening in my body One I'm really looking forward to is my voice lowering.

Here's my conundrum.

I want a cool sentence to be able to say each week to measure how my voice changes.

I thought about doing a sentence every

phoneme.

Like the sound.

It's like the sound.

Yes.

But they all sound lame.

So I'm coming to the coolest men I know about.

I just need a cool sentence, preferably with lots of sounds.

That's from trying to be a cool cat in Kentucky.

Isn't that what's the one?

What's What's the one thing?

The quick brown fox jumped over.

Yeah, but that doesn't sound cool.

That's typewriter.

Oh, yeah, because that has every letter in it.

Yeah, that doesn't

with a lot of sounds.

Well, you know what, Traff?

Let me tell you.

Let me see if I can find one real quick.

Hold on.

A lot of vowels would have to be in there, right?

Like, oh man,

the beans fell on my foot.

Ow.

Okay.

Hey, man, the bean.

Hey, man,

the beans fell on my foot.

There's a lot of beans.

Are those your beans or our beans?

Does that have to be just one sentence?

Could it be a complex short story about beans and the ownership of them?

Maybe.

Are you doing?

Are you good, Juice?

He's good.

Yeah, that's our phonemes.

I told you guys

what I was doing.

So I thought we would wait for a second.

I was trying to look up a sentence that has all of the.

was doing it and you guys continued to it's just usually when we set up a bit as a question we joke about the answer instead of saying

we got it

let me get on in carta and even a nickel

they said the sentences were not cool so i was curious what the sentences were and what we had to to do better then well then maybe we're coming at this from the wrong direction maybe we should start with it feels that way we should start with a cool sentence and then add sounds to it add sounds to it Make it.

Okay.

But funny in a funny way.

Don't forget what, Dr.

Charles.

Car time,

dude.

That's ah,

I.

I.

I.

It's car time.

It's car time.

It's car time,

baby dude.

Baby dude.

Little man.

It are.

I'm little man.

Little

man.

And baby man.

Car

time man.

That's it, I think.

No, I think we're getting hung up on vowel sounds.

Yeah, those are some of them, though.

I mean, some of them.

We're getting into some pretty experimental audio right now.

Man, if all we had a reference point, you know what I mean?

If all of you had a reference point for what we had.

Our time, baby man.

Boot that shit up.

Boot that baby.

Boot that nasty.

Boot that nasty trunk.

Trunk.

Uh.

Dundo, dundo, dundo.

And between this and our naming of two naming of the year episodes, this has been our most sort of gruntable season of My Brother, My Brother, and Me so far.

I think maybe just the opening line from Tool Time might work.

I was like, it's Tool Time.

Tim and Out.

It's Tool Time.

It's Tool Time.

You know, it would be great.

You could learn every part of an a cappella song, maybe by like the Brown Derbies or something like that.

You could

do Joel's, you could could do Joel's fucking Down Easter Alexa if you so choose.

And you learn every part and you start with whichever one feels more comfortable.

And then you'll hit these thresholds where it's like, okay, here I go.

Down,

down.

Oh, nope.

It's time to move down a level.

And then all of a sudden.

You can just gradually harmonize yourself.

Oh, and yeah, then you can layer them together later.

You alto that.

Yes.

And then when you come in, I mean, I don't know how deep, how deep it can possibly go, but I've heard some pretty deep voices in my time.

You could get that good baby back ribs.

Oh, Griffin.

Baby Back Ribs is good.

Oh, one more baby back, baby, back, baby, back.

Because that gets like lower, and I feel like you could kind of test the bounds a little bit.

Like, you start hearing

chilies, baby back ribs, and then you get like barbecues.

Oh, like writing it down.

How low you can go.

But I said, learn every part of an a cappella song.

The first one in my mind was not the chilies, baby back ribs.

That's the only one.

It's one every one.

The other ones are just

kind of iterations on that theme go goodbye my cloning island baby that's one that it's that one and baby book babes i'm trying to think of like really cool like hard ass lines from movies an a cappella song unfortunately i've well that's very

something from pitch perfect yeah the only a cappella movie i can think of what's uh what's like trav what do you think is like a cool movie like what's a cool movie yeah it can just be it doesn't have to be i'm just a dog chasing cars is Yeah, do you want to see a magic trick?

But it's not like notably

low-voiced, right?

Like, I think you, it's like

maybe like a Ving.

That's just Pride fucking with you.

Maybe you get some

like something like some Ving Reims or

Claire.

Clancy Brown.

He's like a notably low voiced.

Clancy Brown has a deep.

Oh, Clancy Brown.

What's some of your favorite

cortex lines from the Crash Bandicoot games?

Oh, that's a good, that's question.

How do you choose?

Definitely the one I have tattooed across my chest.

Crash Bandicoot, set that wump of fruit down.

I'm so disappointed in you.

That's a new one.

There's a lot of sounds in there.

Have you seen it?

That might be it.

Crash Bandicoot

set

that wump of fruit.

Isn't one of them down.

I'm very disappointed in you.

I'm very disappointed in you.

Maybe it's a threat, and you want to see, it's not just the timber.

It's not just the pitch of the voice that is changing.

The amount of sort of

intense energy you're able to change.

Implied threat.

Oh, that's a good one from Tombstone.

Johnny Ringo.

You look like somebody walked over your grave.

Tombstone is always the greatest repository for, like, I mean,

well, smoke that.

What is it?

Skin That smoke wagon is another good one.

Skin that smoke wagon, yeah.

Whoa.

So, I don't know.

Maybe the most befuddling way to tell someone to draw their gun that you could ever do.

Like, I just

didn't put that together until you said that.

If I was in a Wild West duel with the guy, with Val Kilmer, and he said that, I would be like, what?

I would look around in the smoke wagon.

What do you mean, dude?

What do you mean?

I got it.

Oh, yeah.

Oh, bob, bob, bob.

So good.

It's the funnest thing to do with your mouth, basically.

And you could do it at the beginning and end of every episode.

And if you ran out of things to say in the middle, you could just like bust it out.

And everybody'd be pretty excited to get to hear it.

I think, yeah, that's a good Ferris Bueller day off.

Always.

Oh, is that what that is?

It was Travis, actually.

You could get the guy from that song as a guest on your first episode.

Crash Test Dummies?

Was it Crash Test dummies who did the no i thought you were just talking he's like a really low-voiced guy i just thought you were talking about crash test dummies out of nowhere i mean that was like really random it was this girl

am i am i losing my mind or have we done a contest on this very show to see which of the three of us can get the lowest on baby battery

episode 752 we've done everything before we've done it's not about finding new things it's about how do we revisit the questions we've already answered for ourselves.

Yeah.

Yeah.

That's beautiful.

It's beautiful, meditative, and a kind of a lot of things.

The questions are the same, so it's the answers that get different.

Are you saying we can't?

It seems like you'd want it to be the other way around.

More grammatically and like from an oratorical perspective, it would be more satisfying to put it that way.

But no, I don't think it works that way.

I recently started a new job and within my first two weeks, several people there had birthdays.

They're apparently a big birthday office and always bring in donuts to to celebrate.

I personally love donuts, but never ate any that were brought in because I felt anxious of the new job and nothing makes me more uncomfortable than eating friends of strangers.

Fortunately, about a week later, my birthday came around.

I showed to work expecting to be greeted with donuts, but found they had gotten me a coffee instead.

My new co-workers proudly told me they had noticed I don't like donuts.

Sorry, I missed the line here.

Noticed I didn't like donuts and very thoughtfully got me a coffee instead.

It was so kind of them and they were so excited to have gotten me something something that I liked that I didn't want to correct them and I just played along.

Now I'm getting more comfortable around them and they brought in more doughnuts today.

I want to eat one, but I didn't know how to break it to them that I actually do like donuts.

Brothers, how can I start eating donuts at work without seeming like I lied about being a donut hater?

That's from Donut Lover's Dilemma.

And man, this one doesn't feel like any fault of your own.

A lot of times people come to us and we we can tell them they've already messed up i don't this this wasn't a mess up like this seems like an actual people have found like an actual new problem this is not one that i've heard about before this is original this is original good job i think that there's a way to use this to uh actually be a benefit beneficial in this situation

you're going you're going to tell them The next time there's donuts, you're going to say, can I be honest, guys?

I guess it's just that I've never tried donuts before.

Okay.

I've been too scared.

Oh, okay.

I haven't had the right group of people to help me get through that journey.

But if you guys want to do a little team building right now.

I just don't know where to start with donuts.

And then they're going to be so excited to share donuts with you.

You're probably going to get more donuts than if you had just started eating donuts to begin with.

Because then you can have one donut and be like, I've been missing out my whole life.

I could have been having this.

Yeah.

And then they're gonna be so excited to share donuts with you yeah and you'll get to eat like a hundred donuts you'll be living good can you

can you walk into the kitchen where the donuts are and pick one up and be like oh sweet whole buns and people are like what and you say these are whole buns the buns with holes in them one of my favorite foods bun holes one of my favorite foods and they're like uh that's donuts and you say this is doughnuts i like this

i like these I thought these were whole buns.

You're saying these are donuts?

I like those a lot, actually.

Maybe you could go to someone the next time there's donuts and say, I was just curious who I paid the money to to join your donut club.

Then I'm assuming there's some sort of donut.

I know, well, I was never invited, but I would really like to get into donut clubs.

So if I could sign up somewhere or something like that to get in on donut club, or like, or like, so how much is it to eat a donut?

I haven't had any cash with me.

Try to buy buy one?

Yeah.

I finally remembered to bring money on donut day.

I have $3.

Is that enough for a donut?

Is that enough for a donut?

Do you take Apple Pay?

I'm going to make you the boss.

You do Apple Pay for donut?

I can Vimmo.

I set it up today.

I have $2.

Can you cut one in half?

What do you go for?

What do you go for?

to give the appearance of your first donut?

Because the easy sell is you walking and be like, you know what?

Fuck it.

I'm going to try eating a donut.

and you walk over do you go with one that has like

fucking what if you what if you like maybe you try an eclair

and you're like you know what

i like this so much maybe i've been wrong about donuts this whole time like i'm gonna give donuts another shot because i like i tried the eclair that you guys brought in and i actually like this and if donuts are anything like eclairs i think i could could really get into it here's the problem though j-man i think if you take a bite you've never had donuts before in this cafe, right?

And you take a bite of McClair and you don't act at least a little shocked that there's something inside of it that you're like, they didn't fully cook this one.

It's raw in the middle.

Look at it, gooping out.

You got to, I think you'd have to play it up big to be surprised that there's stuff inside it.

Yeah.

Pick up them.

Pick up a powdered sugar doughnut and by the end of it, be a mess.

Be an absolute mess.

Start coughing a lot.

And they'll be like, that has to be the first time that they have eaten a powdered donut because there's some tech to it that you do need to practice.

Pick up a powdered donut and ask them for a wet nap to clean it off so you can eat it.

This one's all dusty.

This one's all dusty.

I think it's really old.

Can we clean this donut off so I could try this one?

This donut's covered in small, colorful pills, and I don't know why I'd eat that.

It seems like it would make me pretty sick.

They're sprinkles.

Okay.

I'm fired.

Okay.

Yeah.

I get it.

I am fired.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

This is a donut factory.

Okay, cool.

Thank you.

Before we go to the money zone, can we talk about some recent communique we received from our father, Clint McElroy?

Are you

dad?

My daddy's a gamer.

Oh, yeah.

Maybe only just Elden Ring for the past three years or however long that game's been out, but he's a real gamer.

He has all the video game consoles.

And Sunday night, he texts the three of us and says, Why does do any of you know why this keeps happening to my Xbox?

Can I pause real quick, Griffin, before you keep going?

You have to know, context-wise, we get texts like this about

things

related to computers and

texts set up constantly.

This was intentional and sincere.

Yeah, this wasn't.

This is our dad is not pulling punks on us.

This is a real thing that happened.

Are you pulling it out?

I think that if I have, hold on.

I'm going to see if I can,

for posterity's sake.

Yeah, so exact wording here.

This keeps happening to my Xbox.

Any ideas?

And then the image that he did also send to us is the welcome splash screen for the PlayStation 5.

It says at the top of the screen, welcome back to PlayStation 5.

It does say that on the screen.

And then dad sends that image and it says, this keeps happening to my Xbox.

Any ideas?

And even there's nothing clearly indicated outside the fact that it's PlayStation 9 on Xbox that he could be talking about what's wrong.

Yeah.

Just issuing.

He's not immediately impaired.

Yeah.

What?

advice did he think we could give about your Xbox showing PlayStation shit?

Well,

how close is your Xbox to your PlayStation, man?

It might be bleeding over.

Plug your phone.

Contamination might be happening here.

Plug your phone into the Xbox.

We will integrate with the systems and we're going to patch through an update that should get you taken care of.

We're going to see a little reboot guy in there and he's going to take care of this right now.

It'd be a great prank to play on one of your Sony crony friends.

Yeah.

Or one of the things that you're fucking it up and it's like, oh my God.

And you rush to cover the screen.

Like, oh, no, no, look.

I would never.

But all your Sony crony buddies are there.

They're kicking your ass.

It's too late.

They're already beating your ass into the ground.

I should have followed up on this to see if dad ever figured out what the problem was, but we just kind of razzed on him and didn't ask what he meant.

So I should have followed up.

I should have started on that.

Daddy turns out that this was his Xbox, and that's why he's so reasonably perplexed by this.

He questioned him.

We were like, oh, you stupid dumb shit.

And he's like, okay, then I don't know.

This is the same guy that restarted Eldenry like four times because it would just mysteriously like get deleted.

Something like

I understand

struggling with tech stuff as you get older.

It's already happening to me.

There's some tech stuff that I'm like, I don't sure.

I don't get it.

But it is 2025.

I feel like everyone should have gotten the net about the input function of the T V remote control.

We have so many buttons on there that give you instantaneous access to TV channels, TV channels, TV channels.

No one uses fucking any of those anymore.

They use one button that makes it switch between all their other shit that they...

So input button, that's got to be on the freshman level curriculum, I feel like.

I absolutely agree, Griffin.

Harder.

I hope he's only

button that back.

Hey,

let's take a brief break.

And then when we come back, we will do more of this.

How's that sound?

More of the same.

But different.

And more.

And more.

It's better with you.

You know, everybody, I'm ready to admit, this has been hard for me.

And I'm just ready to admit it.

I need glasses or some sort of corrective lenses to see.

Wow.

Travis.

I know.

Yeah.

People see me in glasses and they think, what a cool, stylish, fashionable person.

But it's not a Griffin walked out.

Griffin walked out on the nerd.

He walked out when I said embarrassed.

Yeah, when I said I have to wear glasses.

And he was like, my brother, a nerd?

And he walked out.

But I've been able to hide it all these years because when people see me wearing glasses, they're like, so stylish, so fabulous.

It must be

that he is a stylish and fashionable person and not just someone whose eyes are shaped wrong

and his cones and rods are all messed up.

But that's what it is.

But thanks to Warby Parker, I can fix my vision and look good doing it

because Warby Parker designs every frame in-house and their collection includes silhouettes, colors, and fits.

I mean, to suit every face, even my big old noggin.

And

you can shop them online.

at home in stores at over 250 retail locations across the u.s and canada warby parker glasses start at just 95 and include prescription lenses with anti-reflective scratch-resistant coating.

We're talking about Warby Parker?

We are.

I fucking love these guys.

Wearing them now.

These glasses look so slick.

It almost makes me wish I didn't have perfect vision.

Oh.

Okay.

Okay.

It's not perfect, just different vision.

Yeah.

Me and Travis didn't choose to have different vision and then record the podcast.

Do you know what I mean?

So this is a choice.

You think I had a wisdom root canal for fun?

And then immediately recorded a podcast effort.

Yeah, that's the choice part.

That's the part where you start.

Guys, the thing is, one thing here is that this is when I do my job.

Okay.

So I'm at work right now.

You want me to get started with Warby Parker's virtual try-on.

You can try on glasses and sunglasses, seeing the realistic color, texture, and size of each style right from home, right now.

Or head over to warbyparker.com slash my brother right now to take the home try-on quiz and pick five pairs of frames to try on at home for free.

That's warbyparker.com/slash my brother.

WarbyParker.com/slash my brother.

Justin, tell me about stamps.

I'm old enough.

I can handle it.

You're ready for the truth.

Well, I'm sorry, Travis, but the mailman has not been taking the envelopes where I ask him to because he likes me so much.

It's because I've been putting stamps on them.

I've been cheating the system.

I've been slipping him these little pieces of paper.

And in exchange, he will take the letter wherever I want to go.

Like a life hack.

I see.

Cool.

I know, but I found a way to make it even easier.

I used to have to go to the post office or Big Beer to buy these things, but now I'm getting them at stamps.com.

They handle all my shipping needs for me, Trav.

They got USPS, UPS, and big savings, man, like up to 88% off.

How's that grab you?

So I don't have to go to the Post Malone office just to get Sams anymore?

No,

no, you don't.

You can just get them on the internet.

They'll They'll send you a scale.

Post Malone office.

That's what I'm saying.

Where are you going?

What are you talking about?

Sorry, I say his full name.

I don't know him personally.

So just calling him by his first name feels weird.

So I like to use his full name.

Post Malone.

What do you guys think Post Malone's office looks like?

How do you think he's decorated it?

I'll tell you, if they're anything like his Oreos,

it's a fucking deliverable.

Well done.

Hey, Mr.

Malone.

Well done, Posty.

Well done.

Well done on your Oreos, Posty.

We all had them back.

I I did.

I was sick, but Travis was sick, but I've had them and they are good.

You did a good job.

I was sick too.

And the Post Malone Oreos

maintained that.

They didn't pay for this.

No, you want to ship Post Malone Oreos?

You can.

You can ship whatever you want.

You can do it for up to 88% off.

Sign up at stamps.com and use the code MyBrother for a special offer that includes a four-week trial plus free postage and a free digital scale.

No long-term commitments or contracts.

Just go to stamps.com.

Use the code MyBrother.

I'm Emily Emily Fleming.

I'm Jordan Morris.

And I'm Matt Lee.

We are real comedy writers.

Real friends.

And real cheapskates.

On every episode of our podcast, Free with Ads, we ask, why pay for expensive streaming services when you can get free movies from apps with weird names?

Each week, we review the freest movies the internet has to offer.

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Cult classics like Point Break.

And holy sh, what did I just watch?

Classics like Teen Witch.

Tune in every week as we take a deep dive into the internet's bargain bin.

Every Tuesday on maximumfun.org or your favorite pod plays.

The Flophouse is a podcast where we watch a bad movie and then we talk about it.

Robert Shaw in Jaws, and they're trying to figure out how to get rid of the ghouls and he scratches his nails and goes, I'll get you ghoulie.

He's just standing above the toilet with a harpoon.

No, I'm just looking forward to you going through the other ways in which Wild Wild West is historically inaccurate.

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You really put some stink on that one, man.

Yeah, I like that.

Okay.

I want to munch.

Wah.

I want to munch.

Squad.

Welcome to Munch Squad.

It's a podcast of the podcast.

That's how the Beatles sound.

Oh.

Oh, okay.

I was about to say the Munch Squad intro is, I think, a good thing to do to test out lower, newer voices.

It has a lot of really cool stuff that you can do.

It covers eight octaves.

This is a different kind of one than what we would normally do because it's normally we're we're profiling the sort of the movers and shakers in the fast food industry.

And today, I just

I learned something a few weeks ago

and uh

it's been going around in my head a lot

ever since I saw this like this this factoid being being reported by my friend Fishboy on TikTok.

Okay, hit us with it, Big Munch.

You ready?

Yeah.

ringo star has never had pizza wait

according to who ringo star talking to jimmy kimmel

said with pizza you don't know what you're putting in it half the time he said he's never had a pizza those two thoughts existing in the same head is

I've never had pizza.

And also, you can't trust what people are putting in pizza these days.

Those two thoughts seem insane to be held together in a marriage, in a union.

This is where I feel like I want to be,

this is, he says about food sensitivities.

So I understand that.

And I feel like if any podcast has been at the forefront of food sensitivity acceptance, it is my brother, my brother, and me.

This is an absolute safe place for people with food intolerance.

Yeah.

Did you see how he didn't do the tummy buddy time motto?

Yeah, that was for that exact thing.

Perfectly safe.

So he says it's about onions and garlic and other spices that he's allergic to.

And my man,

just make one without

that.

It is, it is pizza, baby.

Just make one.

Yeah.

It's a circle with sauce and cheese, and you don't even honestly need those.

It don't need to be circle.

It don't gotta got sauce or cheese.

It's the loosest conceptual arrangement of food.

Do you guys ever find yourself like saying

an opinion or something without thinking about it?

And it's a real bold and brassy thing where you're like, oh, I don't care for mustard.

Like, I hate mustard.

Right.

And then people are like, oh man, really?

Why?

And then you think about it after you said it and you're like, I mean, I don't hate mine.

I just don't pay.

But now you're like locked in and you say, is it possible that Ringo Starr was thinking about like he couldn't remember the last time he had pizza?

That came out wrong.

Hey, let me help.

Oh, okay, good.

I'd do it in a second.

The fans will take it.

They've waited long enough.

I've just got to get the other lads to agree.

I think I can convince them.

I'll say.

I'll have

to eat our pizza.

crust first

good idea

stuff crust pizza from pizza hut with cheese baked in that

you'll want to eat it crust first now with free garlic dipping sauce

strong glance

large design

so yeah that's the

wildest thing I've ever seen but he doesn't take a bite

He doesn't take a bite of the pizza.

He doesn't take a bite.

That's 100% true.

But like, Rango, what are you selling me, dude?

What are you you selling me?

You can't, the whole thing of your commercial can't be, gotta get the lads back together when two of the lads are dead.

Yeah, that's why I was to begin with.

At this point, I think just one lad would be dead.

But you are right that he was quite dead.

He just

went to the day after I was born.

So I know he was dead.

All I'm saying is, if you review the footage.

He never takes a bite.

He didn't eat any pizza.

Yeah, Travis.

I 100% agree with that.

And I'm not trying to be like, gotcha.

You did take a bite.

Because this is what

Fishboy said in his TikTok, too, which is very true.

It is him endorsing pizza.

Yeah.

Yes.

As a concept.

He is saying, like, Pizza's got my seal of approval.

My doll of pizza.

And now he's telling Jimmy, like, you don't know if pizza is really messed up.

I won't eat.

Just what a nasty impression.

What a nasty impression that was.

What a nasty thing to not eat pizza.

Spiteful impression, I would say, Justin.

Spiteful, nasty spirit.

Can I say, though, it's normally much more open-hearted, but

there's the numbness.

Yeah.

I've lost some of the lip control.

Did he say that he was allergic to things in the pizza?

Or just say you don't know what's in there?

The reporting from People magazine is,

I'm alert.

I've never had a pizza.

or a curry.

I'm allergic to several items.

With pizza, you don't know what you're putting in it half the time or the curry.

So I'm pretty strict with myself because it makes me ill immediately.

I fully understand that.

I fully, fully get that.

But curry is, again, a pretty loose food zone that you can.

Yeah, man.

But I could believe that because the thing is that pizza that I try to wrap my mind around, the number of times that I have been places or events or hang out with people, and by no action of my own, there has suddenly been pizza there and I'm eating it without really thinking about it.

And here was a young man who must have done so many, as I believe they're called, gigs at different places in like the 60s to 80s.

People must have been thinking, throwing, throwing pizzas at the Beatles.

This is what I'm saying.

There must have been so much incidental pizza in the Beatles' experience

that you're telling me at every turn, he was consciously avoiding it, even from a young age, to be like, I don't know what shit's in there.

No, yeah, I and listen,

he did a lot of drugs with all the other guys, right?

The guys did a lot of drugs, yeah, and they're we're really certain that at no point,

yeah, anybody was like, guys, it's 3 a.m., right?

I just got this new thing from the States, they're calling it pizza.

What Mick Jagger's there?

Yeah, me and Keith love it.

You boys gotta try it too.

Holy shit.

Hello, it's me, David Bowie.

Have you heard of the American invention of pizza?

It's quite...

And I'm Andy Warhol.

Afflict.

I love this shit.

You gotta eat it.

Well, it's quite luxurious, isn't it?

And listen.

I know we got people from all over the spectrum of neurodivergence who listen to and create these programs.

And I want to say, I know there's other reasons that people avoid food.

He didn't fucking say that.

He said he's allergic.

So I'm saying, make pizza without the things that you are allergic to, Ringo.

Please, for the love of God.

At this point, the man's in his 80s.

It's just to keep the streak alive.

And I'm saying, get one in there, Ringo.

If he puts down a piece of bread and puts down some sort of

alumin-free red sauce on there and like a slice of cheddar, and then he puts that that in the toaster oven for

a minute and a half on blast, and then takes that out and eats it.

Can we say, Ringo, you've you've done it, you've done it now.

You've had pizza, you've done it.

Yes, that's all it is.

But okay, can I make my stance clear here, boys?

Yeah, please.

If he had said in this interview,

the first time I tried pizza, I had a severe allergic reaction to it, and I've never eaten it again.

I would say 100%,

I believe that that's true.

Tommy wants pizza.

Shame on you.

Right.

You.

But the idea that without ever trying pizza, he's just always,

always had the awareness of like, I will never,

I will not ever eat pizza.

Ever.

That's and it's also, I think, an interesting, if we can send jokes out of the room for a second.

I think it's also an interesting example of the role that privilege can play in our lives, right?

Because if I had tried to live a pizza-less existence, I wouldn't have made it through the past week without it causing severe strife in my friends and family.

Like, it would have been a major issue, like almost immediately.

How challenging would life be if you were like Ringo Star?

And for Ringo Star, every pizza is a tombstone pizza.

I'm not gonna.

Let's read another question because, like, legitimately, we're not gonna say anything funnier than that.

We might have never said anything funnier than that.

The My D D group wants to start hanging out outside of campaign sessions, which is great.

The problem is, they want to do an escape room.

All of them are reportedly very good at the activity.

Our DM even used to work in an escape room.

Brothers, I am terrible at escape rooms.

So, I guess the thing I'm asking for is escape room hacks to impress my friends.

Failing that, how do do I keep my cool and have a good time?

That's from No Sherlock in New Hampshire.

Oh, boy.

You know what's not appreciated in escape room group dynamics?

What's that, Travis?

The hype person.

The person.

Yes.

A lot of morale management.

Well, because everyone you do in escape room, everybody wants to be the hero.

Everybody wants to put the pieces together.

Everybody wants to do the final twist of the thing.

Having somebody who's like, you're solving the shit out of that puzzle, Derek, would be amazing.

I could never do what you know.

I wouldn't like that.

I need someone to get in there when I get too cranky because I'm stumped, but I don't want to hint.

Oh, somebody who brought Gorp to keep your blood sugar levels up, maybe?

Snacks would be good.

Yeah, I'll never say no to that.

I have a kind of a patented escape room system, right?

And I, and I would, I would highly recommend it.

I am, I do not break the bank, intellectually speaking.

And I'm in circles of people that run circles around.

Wait, sorry.

What?

Hey,

we all have our strengths, right?

I can bake and do what's like whatever.

And like, I'm physically strong and incredibly intelligent.

And charismatic and talented.

You'll forget.

And I'm good.

And go to the escape rooms.

And I'm

you're no one to be.

Quiet.

Oh, that's a huge, that's a huge skill.

But anyway, at the escape rooms, I'm not a smart person.

So I kind of hang back, right?

And I'm watching.

Not a very nice person either.

I was kidding about that, Griffin.

You're super too.

Like, you guys both do a good job.

I hang back.

I'm like kind of a sniper and I look like I'm like thinking about all of it.

Yeah.

And then I wait for my moment when something maybe occurs to me and I don't say anything, right?

Yeah.

And then eventually I'll do like one thing and it'll seem like.

You know what I mean?

Like I've just been waiting for it.

But the thing is, I'm actually not computing anything that is happening i'm just kind of like looking at where the action is and just kind of like being happy that people can figure it out because it's i can't keep up with that's very good you could also if you end up finding a blacklight a little blacklight flashlight being the blacklight person oh that's a good one or write down person well write down person solid hold the flashlight person

um be the person who goes did we ever figure out what's going on with this key Right.

Just like keep reminding everybody all the things you haven't figured out yet.

I will tell you guys, honestly what i spend a lot of time in escape rooms doing is i'm a big uh organize the props that were already used

i like like to put them into like used and not used piles you know i like to sort the piles i can do that i love to sort in piles you know i can remember which things we've used and not used a lot of um

A lot of places won't tell you this, but they don't like screen for it or anything.

But you can bring some props with you that if it turns out is part of the thing.

Like bring a powerful magnet.

bring a black light,

bring some bolt cutters, bring an airsoft gun, bring a compass, bring a big drill, a drill, like a knife to get out of a place.

Yeah, your own door.

Bring C4 charges to blow the door.

Bring five cans of different sizes and a container of water.

One thing that I might try is you stand near the door.

There's usually a light switch there, right?

And a lot of times in these escape rooms, the lights go off and a secret is revealed.

So, what I would do is wait till halfway through the escape room when no one is thinking about it.

Be like, hey, guys, what about this?

And then you flip the lights off, right?

If there's a secret revealed, brilliant.

Turn the lights back on.

Everybody's like, oh my God, how'd you do it?

If there's no secret, you just open the door and leave.

Yeah.

When you don't, you're gone, right?

The lights are off and you disappear because you can't.

Now there's a new mystery.

Yeah, you're embarrassed.

You don't want to stay there.

So you leave.

Yeah.

You could also try to convince them that they've actually been in an escape room for a really long time, longer than they think they have been since they walked in.

So you could say like, you know, you're all trying to stop the bomb from Dr.

Bloodknife.

You can be like, everyone's stumped.

And you'd be like, guys, I think that we've been in Dr.

Bloodknife's hideout since we entered this building.

And the person working outside who told us not to smash all the furniture and smash all the lights and absolutely tear all the wires out of the wall was one of Dr.

Bloodknife's men or perhaps Dr.

Bloodknife himself.

So we need to start demolishing this place because that was a feint.

That was a lie.

And it's time for us to get serious about it.

I think the most heartbreaking part of Dr.

Bloodknife's backstory is how his intention was to do good and work with doctors without borders and stuff.

But then anytime anything evil would happen, they'd be like, well, it must be Bloodknife.

His name's Bloodknife.

And he's like, That's just my name.

That's just a family name.

So nasty and made him set up the name.

Yeah, eventually he had to be evil because of that.

And you're in an experiment.

You are in an experiment of one of Dr.

Bloodknife's experiments.

And the way to escape is kindness, to have some faith in humanity and believe that Dr.

Bloodknife isn't responsible for it.

And that's the real escape is through Jesus Christ.

Wow.

He's not excited.

Forgive me about that term.

Get him safe.

Slip the the cashier a Twantski and be like, can I get some Nintendo Power Helpline on

the person who breaks the hint kind of barrier because everybody wants to ask for all the hints all the time, but they don't want to be the person who says, should we get a hint?

And being the person who is both strong enough, but willing to appear weak enough to say like, I think we should get a hint.

I have never, Travis,

that's so funny you said that.

I have never heard someone ask for a hint where the tone is anything other than like, I'm kind of getting a vibe in the room.

Yeah.

Like we're starting to kind of maybe want to get a hint.

Like no one's ever been like, I don't know.

I don't know.

I'm way behind.

I'm walking.

I got nothing figured out.

You could establish.

Tired and cranky.

You could establish yourself as like the hint controller.

And you stand in front of the hint button and you say, if you want a hint, you're going to have to fight me for it.

And then people are really going to feel like

the bully of the group.

And then that way people are going to be.

So

we really need to grind on this.

We can't.

I don't want to have to fight our friend in order to get the hint.

But what they don't know is you're just leaning back against the button every 10 seconds and then you're whispering out whatever you hear.

Yeah.

Right.

And you're like, I think it's this guy's.

And they're like, whoa, Derek knows everything about this thing.

Yeah.

But you got an inside man.

Hey, thank you so much for listening to our podcast.

We hope you've enjoyed yourself.

And thank you to Justin McElroy today for

doing his job, even though he didn't feel like it and he didn't want to do it.

His brothers insisted and he did it anyway because

that's what a professional does.

That's what a pro does.

You're welcome, Doc.

Proud of you.

Thank you again to everybody who came out to Tampa and Jacksonville.

We've got more tour dates announced for the 20 Thunder Drive tour.

We're coming to Virginia, North Carolina, Michigan, Minnesota, and Ohio.

That's real America.

Yeah, and well, Ohio is where I live, so I just have a lot of reference for it, which is nice.

All the Adventure Zone shows are going to be different versions of Taz vs.

We just did one down in Tampa, and it was an absolute blast.

I mean, I was sick, but I still did a great job because I'm a hero, too.

Yeah,

a lot of bravery.

Tickets are on sale now for those shows.

More info and ticket links are available at bit.ly slash macro tours go get those tickets now and go ahead we've only got like i think two or three packages left for champions grove if you haven't gotten those yet go to championsgrove.com and get those now got some new merch we got a vasecticon hoodie designed by evan palmer that i absolutely adore uh a hot dog hot dog man drains you dry if you know you know pen from the most recent run of monster factory uh

a bunch of stuff over at macroymerch.com like it 10 of all merch proceeds this month will be donated to Harmony House, which helps to end homelessness in the Huntington area through permanent housing and supportive service programs.

I also want to say something I'm incredibly excited about.

We're partnering with Kinship Goods

to release a shirt designed by Pepper Raccoon.

It's at Pepper Raccoon on Instagram.

They are a West Virginia-based company who I love very much, and we have

many of their things,

clothes and stickers and stuff like that.

And I had the idea for a shirt celebrating

the birth of Huntington because Huntington, West Virginia, was born when Collis P.

Huntington was given a traffic ticket or a parking ticket for parking his horse in Holderby's Landing.

And they said, You got to pay the traffic ticket.

And he said, I'm about to like build a whole thing here.

And they said, You still have to pay the ticket, man.

And he said, Fuck you.

I'm building my own town.

So the shirt is, uh, it says, Born of spite.

It's so sick.

It's a sick ass shirt.

It's such a sick shirt.

You can go to kinshipgoods.com slash McElroy

and go check it out and get it now.

Thank you to Kinship Goods for partnering with us and all the amazing stuff that they make that I wear all the time.

Thanks to Montane also for the use for a theme song.

My Life is Better With You.

It's

a slammer.

It's a fucking ripper.

And don't forget, if you have a Faster Than Fear, you would like us to read at the end of the episode, email that in with Faster Than Fear in the subject line, Justin.

Do we have one right now?

Travis?

Will you read it, please?

Yeah, Travis, I'd be happy to, man.

This year, I'm going to stop being afraid of a train chasing me through the woods.

Like, and wrongfully accuse a fear that has haunted me for 25 years.

Amazing.

So many wonderful things in this world.

My name is Justin McElroy.

I'm Travis McElroy.

I'm Griffin McElroy.

It's been my brother, my brother, me, kiss your dad's square on the lips.

It's better with you.

It's better, it's better with you.

My life all

It's better, it's better with you.

Is it true?

It's better, it's better with you.

My life

all

is better with you.

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