MBMBaM 749: Christmas for Consumers

The McElroy brothers are not experts, and their advice should never be followed.

Travis insists he's a sexpert, but if there's a degree on his wall, I haven't seen it.

Also, this show isn't for kids, which I mention only so the babies out there will know how cool they are for listening.

What's up, you cool baby?

It's the start

of something beautiful.

A small acquaintance has blossomed, it's rifted into a precious friendship.

I could've never seen what was coming for me.

Hangs at the state park, hangs by the beach.

My life,

it feels love.

My life,

it's better, it's better with you.

My life, oh,

it's better, it's better with you.

This is true.

It's better with two.

You have failed yourself, Griffin.

Your job is to stay happy, Cloud.

Get out there and dance in your big shoes.

I'll dance.

Look.

I'll dance.

But the dance is going to be like when someone dances

in the background of the big bar in Twin Peaks.

Like a lot of shuffle.

There'll be shuffling and it will be

the performance I give will be arresting.

It will be

captured.

Hi, welcome.

Welcome to my brother Maine Advice Show for the modern era.

I'm your oldest brother, Justin McElroy.

Vroom vroom, ka-chow.

It's me, Trav Nation, your middlest brother, Travis, big dog, Wolf Wolf McElroy.

It's Wednesday, February 5th.

The morning of Wednesday, February 5th, and I'm Griffin McElroy.

That's when we're recording this.

I feel like saying that is a good idea.

Like holding up a paper with the sports score is a good idea.

There's two things, very important things I want to talk about.

Topical.

Topical.

Yeah.

Okay, good.

Is one of them that it is Wednesday, February the 5th, and that the show comes out on a different day.

We're not there on that one.

Well, whenever it was at the Grammys this past weekend, Benson

performed.

Benson Boone performed his hit song, Beautiful Things.

Yeah.

And as he did the intro, Heidi Klum and Nikki glazer tore his suit off and he was wearing a blue deep v-neck glamoronic jumpsuit and as this man's singing he runs up onto the stage and he did a flip off the top of the piano cool what's her name gorgeous and apparently he does this

was this guy's name what's his name what's this guy

oh yeah

that guy oh yeah that song always get that song always gets me going.

I think it's unfair that he can sing so beautifully and have a cool flip off of a piano.

You shouldn't be able to do both things where you get to sing way high up, which is so fun, and be able to do a flip off of a piano or anything like that.

That is unfair.

I can't suck either of those.

And he can.

And the only way that he can.

How's he look?

Is he like wicked ugly?

No.

No, he looks cool.

He's so good.

God damn it.

The only way I can do it.

If Miles Teller decided to be a little softer, a little curler, a little cooler, a little more glam rock.

Damn.

Man,

God gave with three hands on this one.

Damn, Benson Boone.

I can only exist happily by believing that he sings that good because he has fully dedicated 100% of his energy towards that.

And then seeing that he can also do flips.

And I'm like, what else can he do?

He's probably a good baker.

And then he later apologized for aggressively adjusting himself in that jumpsuit during the performance.

And I feel like that's unfair unfair that he should do it.

Should he gently adjust himself?

Is that better than aggressively adjusting himself?

Travis, that's, can I say something, man?

It's such a really good question because what happened is Ben Saboon is wearing a tight jumpsuit that is

restricting.

Yeah, okay.

I'm sorry.

It's restrictive.

So it is that question of a fast, aggressive adjustment.

That's the best version.

He's not a judge.

It's the best version of it.

Because if you think about a slow tender adjustment, that's not appropriate.

With eye contact.

Yeah, right?

Like, that's not appropriate for an audience and that's his privacy that's his bathroom stuff and i and and and i it's everyone's got them so calm down sometimes you never have to adjust your bathroom stuff that's that's weird unlikely yeah i believe it the other thing i want to talk about is this occurred to me when you guys were children we babbies yeah did you believe that when you grew up to be an adult that Groundhog's Day would take on a greater significance as a holiday to you.

And it's it's like, oh, this must be a thing that like grown-ups have built deeply into their psyche.

And I, as a child, simply don't get it.

It needs some, it needs a shot in the arm, doesn't it?

Yeah.

It needs something because it's not, it's, and I get there's a whole town where they're probably wild about this fucking thing, but for the rest of us, the shine is coming off the apple.

It just doesn't extend beyond that.

No.

It's a single skeet that I see.

It's like, saw a shadow.

And I'm like, okay, put him away.

And the whole holiday in my mind, that that seems weird.

It needs something.

There's no other traditions around.

Work off.

You get work off.

That would be sick.

That's a good one.

Presence.

Some kind of feast.

That's why, if you ever see Rod Stewart turn around and do the butt shake,

what he's actually doing is seeing his shadow to see if there's six more weeks of winter.

That's exactly it.

He's taking his little butt and saying, like, is that my shadow or not?

There's so much can see his butt shadow.

If a groundhog comes out of Ron Stewart's butt.

Think about this.

What's the best part of any holiday?

That's right.

Hiding Easter eggs.

Because it's the only part of any holiday where you get to go on a little adventure.

Think about the opportunities that Groundhog Day would provide if we started to include little adventures in it.

Because these guys, they bury themselves in the ground like treasure already.

Ever since David the Gnome, I've dreamed of crawling through an underground cavern and finding, like, why not provide that for me to find the Groundhog and ask him, like, did you see your shadow?

Let's go down there once and bring a camera crew and go down there there's a lot of conversations that would be hard to have with the aliens but i think this one would be hardest because you have to say like yes the day is called groundhog day yes and they're like so what's the deal well

we do every year ask a groundhog if it's going to be cold for a while oh that's what they're like that speaks huh the groundhog speaks the groundhog no groundhog sees a shadow that's it's like on our planet on our planet all the animals can't talk to each other yeah so it's like different And then they're like, so that's wild.

What's the second most notable thing about Grand Honda Day?

It's like, sometimes you live it over and over again for 10,000 years.

What?

Sorry, speak up again?

It's learning to be a good person.

The second thing about Grand Honda Day is sometimes you live it over and over again for 10,000 years.

In our culture, that's the second most notable thing about Grand Hole Day.

Yeah.

And for some people, those flip-flop.

Right.

Sometimes that's all the significance is.

So it's a holiday about living it over and over again.

No.

It gets to that point sometimes.

It does feel like that a little bit, but yeah.

It has much more cultural significance, I would say, for a demographic of people that it's a day where one self-reflects for 10,000 years

to think about

their life and how they're going to be able to do that.

Can you even imagine

have a healthier relationship with Annie McDonald's?

Can you even imagine that movie paints that to be like a terrible thing to happen?

Can you imagine 10,000 years of free time?

Holy shit, dudes.

I'm catching up.

I would flip off pianos constantly.

I would do it.

It would take 8,000 straight years of snapping my spine.

And was it worth it?

No, it wasn't because it looks cool, but that was really, really torturous.

That is how long it would take.

One cool...

I wish that there was a different version of Grand Hong Day where

the day fell on the day right before they released the finale of Traitors.

And so the show is about him trying to like reconstruct how he thinks it's going to be exactly and then film it for himself.

Like let it, he wants to film his own finale of like TV shows.

He's writing his own endings.

So when the actual finale does come out, he'd be like, well, actually, I think this would be more exact.

I think it's a little something like this.

I think it's a little bit more.

I wouldn't mind taking a second pass of that lost ending, right, guys?

10,000 years.

Wow.

This is an advice.

Does it have to be?

Because I'm really kind of, I feel good in the vibe right now.

I feel like I'm in the pocket of the vibe.

What if the Groundhog came out and aggressively adjusted himself?

Does that mean a monster is on the way?

Yeah, that has to have happened in the hundred years we've been doing this thing that the little guy comes out and then like grabs his bathroom stuff as animals, most animals are wont to do all the time.

When I was traveling recently, it was very, very early in the morning.

It was like an 8 a.m.

flight, so I was going through security at like 6 a.m.

and I forgot that the boots that I was wearing always set off the metal detector, so I had to get scanned.

And I had to take the boots off, And the TSA agent looked at me as he was like scanning me with the wand and he said, which side is your property on?

And my first thought was, what a cute way to ask me where my

balls is.

That's 100% what I assume when you said that.

Thank you.

And then I realized he was talking about where, which conveyor belt my stuff was on to put my shoes with them.

And luckily, both things were true.

So when I said the right,

that was also where my stuff was.

But it was such a cute thing.

I don't want to know.

That felt like a long walk to tell your brothers the current state of your it's not always there that's just where my property was at the moment a needlessly fanciful walk to talk about my property

yeah because now i'm thinking like i'm thinking about what's going on in there trav you may not want me to but sometimes i split the uprights or the downrights that is the one ball on either side the old droopy dog do you know what sucks here's what's actually hard yeah i'll tell you guys what's actually sucks yeah please is that everybody has seen all the new ads

That's all they're thinking about right now.

Yeah.

Is they've seen all the new ads.

Oh, they know how to fucking go.

Fuck, we forgot the big game.

Got it.

The big game.

So that thing is, did the big game happen?

Yeah.

The big game just happened yesterday.

God dang.

We were smelling.

We forgot.

We forgot about that.

It couldn't have.

The big game couldn't have just happened.

Let's hope it happened.

Okay, wait.

Oh, you're saying it was happening.

I think it probably happened.

Okay.

God.

Wait, why wouldn't it happen, Charles?

Oh, Griffin, I don't know.

No, it will have happened.

I can see a few scenarios where it didn't happen.

I'm saying, bro.

You guys broke my brain, and for a moment, I believed that the Super Bowl had come and gone.

I can see something happen where the commission would be like, let's do it next week.

It's tracking Wild Carol.

Hey, hey, players, players, coaches, you're not in the mood.

We're not in the mood.

We're not in the mood to make a silly podcast joke.

I can't imagine these 40 strapping men are ready ready to catch balls and throw them at each other don't want to play football this week we don't want to watch football this week

call it them next time we'll get them next time we're going to play it out on like a tech mobile kind of thing and just see how it goes to broadcast that we're doing the puppy bowl we already filmed that yeah that's easy that's a lifelong puppy bowl for three hours the puppies don't know

the puppies don't know

the puppies aren't on blue sky they're not they're simply not is there a big

before we started i said let's just do a normal one.

The guys aren't into it.

We'll just run the Super Bowl from two years ago because it was the same guys.

And no one will remember it already happened.

No one.

Hey, guys, I wouldn't.

100%.

That would get me.

So what I'm saying.

So this is the ranch.

Can I bet on the Puppy Bowl?

Is what I want to know.

Who runs.

What, Justin?

I have a bit of frustration I like to talk about with the Super Bowl.

Hey, yeah.

Yeah, this is a safe space.

No one's listening.

It used to be, it used to be that the Super Bowl was a real buffet

for

fans of branding.

Like if you're a brand fan, you love commercials, you love to see what Madison Avenue has cooked up.

It's Christmas Day

for consumers.

Hey, is that why the show Mad Men's called Mad Men?

Because Madison.

Okay.

Never knew that.

It was Admin, but they made it mad.

It's all those things.

They are actually also most of the men in that show, from what little I've seen of it, are pretty PO'd most of the time.

So you got to be a little mad to work here, kind of.

It's working four ways.

Oh my God.

Now, these days, though, to rise above the din, you're seeing a lot more brands release their Super Bowl commercial

before the big game to try to get ahead of it.

And this drives me crazy.

Yeah.

Can I have

a fucking night that I look forward to where the real joy for me is getting to see 10 new commercials?

Like, that's what I'm excited for.

Getting to see if like if like they figure out a way to put like Indiana Jones in one or something.

Like that's the one I'm looking forward to that for weeks.

It's the silver lining to seeing a player get hurt.

We're like, oh my god, I hope he's okay.

Oh my god.

They will take a commercial break.

Sorry, no.

They will take a commercial break.

Sorry.

What Travis is saying is not an A clause underneath my sub point one.

No, my

between the lines.

You get happy when a player gets hurt because you're in a commercial age, and you can see.

You're in the index.

I'm bummed out by the commercial trailers that we get.

One of them is a beer, and I don't know which one.

So

it's

a trailer for David Beckham's God twin brother.

I remember that.

I don't remember the product it's advertising because they don't say it.

So a billion dollars well spent, Guinness.

Maybe I think

they do.

They did Harry Met Sally.

They got Billy and Meg back for it.

And it's miracle whip.

Like, that's why it's so good.

That's good.

I can see that.

That would have been so good, though.

Save that for me.

Save that.

Save it for me on the Super Bowl.

I need that.

When that pops up, I can't shush my family.

Right.

If it's already been online.

That's rude.

Yeah.

That's why I've been doing an online blackout for the last like three weeks.

It's not going to have any legs.

Just so I don't miss commercial, I have no idea what's going on.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

So I said the commercials will all be a surprise.

Don't

you're in for a big surprise.

He's trying.

Oh, Juice is on board, too.

They're trying, guys.

They're on one of those things on the train tracks, bumping it up and down.

They're trying to get her there.

Since I've looked online, I have no idea what's happening.

Okay, listen, this is an advice show.

This first question is about welding, which is not even a question.

Justin needs feedback from a person.

I love feedback.

This should be a new segment on the show.

Yeah.

I'm I'm welder.

I'm a welder by trade, and I wanted to chime in on the question from episode 747.

Truthful, I'm at the end of the, at the end of the day, a welder really just wants commiseration for how big of a pain in the ass it looked to weld.

Or if that fails, just say, hell yeah, laying dimes.

Really loud, and that should cover most interactions.

That's from Kevin.

Laying dimes is good.

Yeah, I like that.

I'm going to try to say that at least once during the episode because that

I like.

But if you want want to appreciate welding, there's an actual answer for you.

I don't know why we've been helpful this week, but there you go.

Laying dimes is cool.

It means

when you create a smooth weld without ripples and it looks like a bunch of dimes laying on each other.

That's sick.

That's fucking cool.

Welding is so neat.

Yeah, man.

I did a little, when I was doing my little Game Boy toys,

I

was doing little

I was doing soldering, which was kind of like welding.

Don't you guys think, agree with that?

It's plastic welding.

There's a little metal, you know, it comes on a little spool, and you melt it.

Actually, I've done plastic weld.

It's not actually plastic welding, I guess.

No, is it?

No, it's real.

I've done fusion weld.

I've seized Prometheus's fire

and used it to make metal into different shit.

So that's...

I'm laying dimes over here myself.

It's welding for babies.

It's baby welding.

It's baby.

Okay.

I have an urgent and pressing question i am a collage artist you wanted to say college didn't you i heard the i'm not even looking at the camera right now you did i was looking at stinker i was thinking he's gonna say college he's stinker i'm a collage artist and i'm going to incorporate part of a puzzle into a piece i'm working on oh you're the issue is crisp as hell jamian yeah yeah well i almost got tripped up so i'm being very careful now i'm sorry i know that this person is working against me this question asker has laid many traps and i'm aware of all of them i'm unstoppable

the issue is, what do I do with the rest of the puzzle?

It's a puzzle of baby Yoda that I got at my fiancé's family's white elephant at Christmas two years ago.

And the part I'm using is the part that doesn't have baby Yoda on it, but it is a fairly large chunk of the puzzle.

I obviously can't like donate the puzzle since it's incomplete.

But I don't want to keep the baby Yoda parts because it was kind of a sucky

Yeah,

I'm here's a I'm gonna tell this person to throw it in the trash.

Okay, I'm going to keep going.

I'm going to keep going.

I'll give baby Yoda parts because it's kind of a sucky puzzle.

And I only want the chunk I'm using my painting, but it also feels wasteful to throw it at the garbage.

Help.

How do I best utilize the five sixths of a puzzle without having to do the puzzle?

That's from Puzzled Puzzler in Peril Ps.

I also lost a piece of the puzzle that's not in the chunk.

Oh.

Puzzled puzzler in Peril P.S.

I also lost a piece of the puzzle that's not in the chunk that I'm taking.

taking.

That elevates it, actually.

That makes it even more that I'm going to tell you to throw this away.

What else do you have?

I bet if you're a collage artist, it's very difficult to throw away flat things.

Anything.

You got to always have your head on a fucking swivel looking for flat stuff that would look cool cut up.

You ever think about how much work kidnappers must put in to finding the right lettering?

It must take hours.

Yeah.

To find letters that are.

You got to cut them them all out of the same cosmo you know what i mean you gotta mix it up wait yeah that's a really good point what kind of a what kind of a shitty collage artist has a bunch of tiny pictures of parts of baby yoda and throws it away hello welcome justino welcome justin to the other side of the seesaw buddy unbelievable now Maybe you can make a collage.

A puzzle's kind of like a do-it-yourself collage when you think about it.

Wow, yeah.

Yeah, man.

A solvable collage, for sure.

Have you ever wanted to 100% a collage?

I've always wanted to

get the platinum on

an art piece that I do.

When you put a puzzle together, no one's ever like, you did it wrong.

First of all, you have the stuff to make two pieces of art.

You've doubled what you have.

One is the piece that incorporates the big chunk that you took out of the puzzle.

That's cool.

I'm going to sit up.

I don't know why I'm like fucking

goblined out in my chair.

The second one is the rest of the the puzzle with the piece missing.

And that's saying something because it's about the Yoda that's not there.

But also from that, there will be a small piece missing.

When the people look at that and say like, but what's the small piece mean?

All of a sudden they're trying to get to the bottom of your art story, which is really the secret to art is tricking people into paying very close attention to it.

Yeah, into thinking there's meaning in it.

Right.

They'll see that.

They'll be like, is this really a piece of artwork about the baby Yodas that aren't there?

But wait, what's this little piece missing?

That's the secret.

I'm a fuck up.

That's

as long as I lost it.

That's my favorite thing about art is that when people say, like, well, it means this to me, or it means this to me.

You say it means different things to different people.

Yeah.

And that means you didn't know what it meant when you made it.

You just thought it looked nice.

I would be sick if water lilies just had a big hole in it.

And they're like, what happened?

He's like, he put his elbow down and it went through the painting.

I see that.

I'm like, wow, artists are just like us.

We're all fallows.

We really are all just people.

We all make mistakes and mess ups sometimes, and you don't gotta let it not bring you down.

This puzzle question is a good, good example of why I am so happy I recently discovered burning things.

Oh, sure.

I gotta,

you know, it's cold weather outside, but it's been a little bit more temperate.

Yeah.

And it's a great time to go outside and start a fire.

Burn your point.

And I think, and I hate wasting stuff.

Really, I do.

I hate wasting things.

I have a big problem with that, right?

If I have something, I don't want to waste it.

Yeah.

But here's what I've recently discovered.

Because a lot of the waste that I have and been struggling with lately does happen to be woodworking waste.

So that is some of God's most burnable stuff.

Right.

So what I've decided, though, is that if you burn it, you didn't waste it because you got enjoyment from the fun.

and warmth.

Yeah.

So you're not wasting it.

If you, what I'm saying is, if you burn this puzzle and then you watch this puzzle of baby Yoda warm and you take pleasure in like the warmth of baby Yoda and the

actual just like watching it.

Yeah, it's not a waste.

Well, in fact, it was good.

You do that.

It was good.

Like, it was good.

I'll take a step further, Justin.

I recently saw a physicist.

Don't huff it.

No, don't huff it.

Do not huff it.

Don't do this indoors.

But did I say that?

I should have started.

I saw a physicist talking about that if you were to burn like a piece of paper, you can't create or destroy energy.

So hypothetically, if you collected all the warmth and ash and water and everything that was made by that fire, you could put it back together.

So you're taking this sucky puzzle and you're making it into a much more sense.

What the fuck did you do?

What the fuck?

What you just said made not a damn lick of sense, Trav.

Not a lick of sense.

If you grabbed all the, if you siphoned the paper energy, the paper energy.

Like, what do you think?

Yeah, man, all of that stuff still exists.

You didn't destroy.

No, I know, but I transformed it.

I burned the paper and it created heat, which is a type of energy.

Before that, it didn't have pieces of the paper.

May I please?

Please.

Before that, it didn't have paper energy.

That's crazy.

It was a part of a picture of Baby Yoda.

It was a part of a picture of Baby Yoda.

It was paper energy.

Baby Yoda has

storage.

What energy?

The energy that's holding the molecular puzzle of baby Yoda vibrating

holding

baby Yoda, you are releasing the bonds that hold the molecules together.

Every picture of baby Yoda is energy and dirt.

It's just fire and dirt.

What do you think Gambig does when he picks up the puzzle pieces of baby Yoda and he turns them into little boobs?

He turns it into fire and dirt.

That's his power.

Right, but what energy could the paper possibly have?

If I plug my phone in.

But it doesn't.

If it did, I would be in some real trouble because I got some envelopes on my desk.

You're lucky.

I can't remember the opposite of kinetic energy because that's what it is.

But I can't remember.

Potential energy.

Okay.

Potential energy.

Thank you, Justin.

Sorry, guys.

I just got a low battery notification on my phone.

Let me plug it into my

books.

Oh, my God, Griffin.

It's potential energy.

And you need Gambit to turn it into Connecticut.

I know about potential energy.

It's when you look at a rock and you're like, I could throw that.

It would go so fucking fast.

I'm turning arm energy into throw energy into move energy.

I understand all that.

If I look at a piece of paper and say, if I burn that, it'd be hot.

That's not energy.

It's an idea.

This is the times when science lies to us.

What Travis is saying is that if you burn all the stuff in Baby Yoda and you put it all together.

Picture, picture, picture of Baby

what i'm saying is if you burn a picture of baby yoda you get ashes and nothing and that's the truth you get heat that's the truth i'm not gonna short sell here to travis here you do get

ashes and yeah and what's heat griffin baby yoda that's the picture of alecador's energy it's energy that comes out when it gets too hot

Why does it get the hot?

The temperature moved up too much and the thing freaked out and it created an incredible fire from the energy stored within it.

Right.

Am I energy?

Yeah.

Yeah.

You're star self, baby.

I know, but I'm

stuff.

Like, I think about that all the time.

But you're also energy.

That's cool, man.

Yeah.

Yeah, dude.

Science rocks.

Yeah, there's fire inside you.

You don't need to be like that to me.

This is a moment of wonder and excitement.

He's not stupid.

He's not the quarterback.

You know what I mean?

Like, we don't have to.

He's not the woodshot teacher.

You don't have to, like.

you don't have to be a dick about it he's on a lacrosse coach this is

sake this is a cool moment i want to alienate hold on there's got to be somebody else i didn't alienate come on you got it you got it you got it you got it it's not a geologist a geologist wow that was a bad pull rock scientists we were all thinking it juice

I have energy.

That's going to get me through today, Trav.

I do appreciate it.

You are.

You're just I hope when we clip this, because sometimes they clip once we don't want it to clip, and I'm not excited about people getting in the comments to tell me the things I don't know about middle-grade science.

Does that mean could Gambit touch Griffin and turn him into a human bong?

I think Gambit should be doing that more.

He doesn't talk about it, but like the other thing he could do is melt your fucking clothes.

Yeah,

blow up Magneto's whole clothes.

One thing I didn't try that I could try, everybody.

One thing I could try is

touch that his pants, Mon Cherie.

Wait, sorry about that.

One thing I could try those pants.

One thing I could try, Mon Cherie, is touching his helmet and blow his fucking brains off.

Wait, Gambit.

Don't do that.

I'm just saying.

I don't see that shit coming, Moncherie.

Why does it, why is it Night Caller is like, I could teleport inside of him

just once.

It would be so bad for me, but like, I don't know.

I can hold a big stick, teleport, so I land kind of in front of him.

Magneto slides through him.

By the way,

it's Wednesday, February 5th.

It is Wednesday, February 5th.

So Magneto might be good right now.

I don't actually know.

But if Magneto is bad, that's the eighth.

A Sentinel.

Well, yeah,

couldn't Gambit just touch a huge Sentinel and then like...

What if he touches the ground?

What if he aggressively adjusts himself?

What if he aggressively adjusts himself on the Grammys?

Oh, no.

On nights, on music's biggest

music's biggest night, Gambit makes his balls explode on stage.

We're all excited for Sabrina Carpenter, but I just watched Gambit,

you know, Remy blow his balls up on stage.

Really overshadows Beyonce's accomplishment, if you ask me, when we had to watch Gambit blow up his balls on the Grammy stage music.

He didn't weep.

He weeped?

Of course he weeped.

Like, yeah.

He probably died.

I think Gambit died on stage.

Lonze cauterized.

Let's go to the money zone.

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Come on in.

Have a seat.

Welcome to Squarespace Presents, my brother, my brother, and me, a Squarespace endeavor.

What do you guys think about this?

I'm thinking if I say Squarespace enough, they'll have to pay us more.

That's, yeah, I mean, that is.

I love that.

We've literally never talked to our ad people, but I do think that that is an unwritten rule of advertising.

We were created by Squarespace.

We came out of Squarespace.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Yeah.

We were dreamed that Squarespace had.

One big egg.

It cried a single tier.

Yeah.

Yeah.

The tier became an egg.

We all three came out of it six years.

The egg part.

Name was thought.

We leapt from the egg, fully formed.

And we suckled at the teeth of Squarespace.

This is cool.

This is a cool ad.

Yeah.

It's a cool legend.

Yeah.

And that's how we became.

I'm like willing to let my brain go to more out there places now that I know I'm made of energy.

Like that's sick.

Do you know Squarespace is made of energy?

It is.

It's made of internet energy.

And it can share that with you.

You can harness it.

You can grab it with both hands and harness the power of Squarespace.

And accept payments the easiest.

like the easiest way possible.

Yeah, with all the different

Squarespace payments puts the energy in your hands.

That's right.

You can get started with just a few clicks and give your customers more way with popular payment methods like Klerna, ACH, and Apple Bay.

You can grow credibility and engage visitors.

What?

I want to grow my visitors.

I want to grow.

Yeah.

Okay.

I want to engage credibility and grow my visitors.

I bet they can do that too.

My credibility has never been better and my audience is bigger than ever with my incredible ray.

Whoa, you have so many people in your audience?

No.

No.

Just five of them, but they're all 12 feet tall.

And they have an unrivaled suite of visual design effects built in and ready to go on any Squarespace website.

Go to squarespace.com for a free trial.

And when you're ready to launch, go to httpx:

backslash backslash www.squarespace.com backslash my brother to save 10% off of your first purchase of a website or domain.

I don't want to do this ad because

I don't want a bunch of people out there who chomp my flavor because I got these glasses at Warby Parker.

Oh, okay.

I did get these glasses, and I've gotten a lot of compliments on these glasses.

They are assertive.

They're statement glasses.

They are saying, yeah, I need corrective eyewear in order to party in this world, but I look good doing it.

But if there's a bunch of people out there walking around

with this, with these Lisa Loaby beauties on their lives,

Griffin has glasses and he's king, and he doesn't want to stop being king no I'm not saying that Warby Parker's great I the app is genuinely I have fun when I use it which is sounds like bullshit it's a blessing experience but when you use it you see like all these different style opportunities and you press a button and then you can see what they look like on your face it's magical it's incredible and then you get the five pairs of the home try on program so you don't buy a pair of shitty glasses well they have a ton of options griffin just tell people not to get your specific glasses i won't even say nice try i won't even say mine good luck treasure hunters.

It's out there.

They just got some new frames in also for the new year.

I'm not even reading, gang, I'm not reading the copy points.

I just like Warby Parker.

Let me make sure I didn't skip anything, though.

No, okay, we're good.

Get started with Warby Parker's virtual try-on.

You can try on glasses and sunglasses, seeing the realistic color, texture, and size of each style right from home right now, or head over to warbyparker.com/slash my brother right now to take the home try-on quiz and pick five pairs of frames to try on at home for free.

That's warbyparker.com/slash my brother warbyparker.com slash my brother

it's a shame i'm i'm a little bit under the weather because i feel like that one was pretty solid and the kind we could send to like one of our companies that advertise for it or that so sometimes we do it good sometimes we do it we really do it that could have been in our highlight reel when we win the iHeart podcast best ad room award.

We are never, ever, ever going to be a good one.

Not if people don't vote for us.

No, I don't even actually want people to waste their energy on it.

What?

There's nothing you can do.

I would just love to earn Conan's respect for one.

Never happened.

Never happened.

There's simply, audience, we love you.

There simply isn't enough of you to move the needle on this one.

So

save your efforts.

Don't even try it.

Please.

Thank you.

Yeah, what are you going to do?

I know what you're thinking that maybe you're going to try anyway and get everybody together and embarrass really hard.

Yeah, I'm dead ass.

Dead ass.

Don't bother.

But don't bother.

There's no chance.

I know, I know, I know.

It would be pretty cool.

And we're an underdog, and sometimes people root for us.

I'm not,

I'm going to the other side of the seesaw, and I know it's a futile effort.

All right, we're over 70 episodes into our show.

Let's learn everything.

So let's do a quick progress check.

Have we learned about quantum physics?

Yes, episode 59.

We haven't learned about the history of gossip yet, have we?

Yes, we have.

Same episode, actually.

Have we talked to Tom Scott about his love of roller coasters?

Episode 64.

So how close are we to learning everything?

Bad news.

We still haven't learned everything yet.

Oh, we're ruined.

No, no, no, it's good news as well.

There is still a lot to learn.

Woo!

I'm Dr.

Ella Hubber.

I'm regular Tom Lum.

I'm Caroline Roper, and on Let's Learn Everything, we learn about science and a bit of everything else too.

And although we haven't learned everything yet, I've got a pretty good feeling about this next episode.

Join us every other Thursday on Maximum Fun.

Well,

fucking hell, man.

Breakdown in the system.

It's Valentine's Day.

Holy shit.

Happy Valentine's Day, everybody.

It's February 5th, but by my calculations, it's also our Valentine's Day episode.

Yeah, man.

And our Groundhog's Day episode.

And our Groundhog's Day episode.

Isn't that something?

And our Super Bowl and our Grammys.

I'm actually pretty mad about this first one because I completely missed the opportunity to buy this Duncan capsule collection for Valentine's Day.

You know what?

I'm not even going to give them the satisfaction.

Good.

Fuck those, yeah.

Dude, that's awesome, dude.

Do more energy like that.

Do that more of just like, that's right, KFC's got a new chicken pizza.

You know what?

Fuck those

KFC.

I don't mean that, KFC.

It's good.

Oh, they're missing.

And you know what?

To fuck KFC, all they're missing is you.

Yeah.

True.

No, I just wanted a K and F and a C and fuck

no no it's good it's good it's good it's good uh no I just wanted to uh uh real quick mention that for the big game uh bw3's is doing it again probably it's kind of this is one of the weirder press releases I don't think I've ever

read a press release that's kind of equivocating

Even after paying up on the on the deal last year, BWS once again offers America free wings if the big game goes to overtime.

Now, for a little context, last year there was this contest from BW3 Stid where, not even a contest, but like a promotion, where if the game went into overtime, everybody gets free wings.

And you know what happened?

The game did go into overtime.

So everybody in the world ate free wings there the next day.

How did they stay extant?

as of that.

It's a miracle.

You read that right.

Football fans can rest assured that Buffalo Wild Wings is bringing back its iconic overtime deal for the seventh consecutive year.

When the thrilling big game went into overtime in 2024, fans across the nation were able to celebrate with free wings.

After making good on its promise last year, Buffalo Wild Wings is daring to once again put a wager on the line.

If the big game goes into OT, B-Dubs is ready to do it again.

Free wings.

Now, what I love there is that they talk about it like there's a risk associated with it.

As though like, yeah, man, listen, it fucked us up real bad last year oh my god we had to lay off half of our employees we have to drop the whack which is bws twos but now man we just can't help ourselves like we're doing it again the only way we can get our rocks off is by almost blowing it big time

and do we win anything if they don't go into overtime no you guys have to maybe you guys would come in and buy some wings if they don't go into overtime you give us free wings that then we sell back to you um

We like wings.

We don't actually get to eat that many wings here, which is especially since you gave so many of them away.

We gave them all away.

We like wings, but we don't get to get them.

If it doesn't go into overtime, you have to come work one shift unpaid at the wing factory.

It's spicy work.

Everybody, you're not going to be able to do it.

The air is full of spices.

The ground is silvery with salt.

Sauce.

We have constant injuries here.

Please come.

So last.

So here's the quote.

Are we crazy for bringing our overtime deal back after last year's turnout?

Maybe.

What?

After giving away 2.5 million wings last year, we know it's a bold move to bring it back.

That's 1.25 beautiful birds.

Now, think about this for a second.

Okay, wait, let me finish the quote.

For us at BWs, it's all about the thrill of the game, and we're pumped to give all football and Wing fans another chance of scoring big, no matter who they cheer for.

So here's, my question is this.

Each chicken is going to give you four wings by my math.

Uh-huh.

So 2.5 divided by four.

Oh, you're right.

It's like 600,000-ish, right?

Yeah.

625, 625,000 chickens.

How is Mr.

Mohames and his friends supposed to

handle the pressure?

Imagine you're kicking guy, right?

You're going to kick it for the tie.

And if you kick it for the tie, you're killing over a half million chickens to death.

So here's the stake.

Now, to be fair, kicking guy for you.

Either you get your ducats or you send 625,000 fucking chickens to the cemetery.

Kicking guy for Kansas City has some questionable opinions.

He might fucking hate you.

He might actually want very badly for this to happen.

Oh, fuck, man.

It's huge steak.

Huge, huge stake.

Here's what I'm going to say.

If BW3s had

the sheer power to be willing, they should take it a step further and include a lot of side bets.

Where it's like, if the first thing is a field goal, if the first point scored is a field goal,

then we will cover the windows with sauce, right?

Have more random bets, right?

Everybody gets

a beer mug full of ranch if

the game is tied at halftime if it needs to be if it's if it's if it's tied at halftime our vp has to get his butt out yeah something like really like fun low stakes yeah whoever our mascot is will eat a whole live chicken yeah if patrick mahomes cries

once out

and is like on camera

out of sadness it can't be a happy cry can't be i just won the super bowl for a ninth time in a row god what a boring fucking sport.

Are you kidding, guys?

My hands are so heavy.

Too many rings.

They should make...

If the quarterback has won before, he should have to wear his Super Bowl rings during the game.

During the game.

I've always fucking said that.

I have always said that.

Let's see if superstar Tom Brady can get out there and take home another one.

If every time he throws it, a couple of his rings go off and they have to go find him in the grass.

That's the future the liberals want for you.

That's true.

That one sounds good, though.

That one sounds really good, though.

If you get 10 of them, can you cash them in for a bracelet?

You should be able to get one big, like a girdle.

Something big.

Oh, a belt.

I mean, at that point.

Yeah.

Cool.

I'm going to complain about this one real quick.

Hungry Howeys.

This is a press release on QSRmagazine.com, the number one spot.

Hungry Howie's launched a secret menu for big game.

For big boys.

Hungry Howie's is kicking off National Pizza Day and the big game with a new addition to its secret menu, the Hangry Howie Pizza.

Perfect for game day gatherings and pizza parties.

The Hangry Howie is packed with both flavors and toppings designed to tackle even the fiercest hunger and cravings.

Starting February 9th, fans can order the Hangry Howie exclusively through the secret menu for delivery and carryout.

What the fuck do you think a secret menu is?

Because I'll give you a hint.

It's not a thing you write press releases about.

It's not a secret menu.

We didn't print off new, like, you know, plastic, whatever signs to go in the lighted things that you see behind the counter that tell you what it is.

This is a good point, especially when McDonald's used to really iterate fast and hot and would just toss shit on the menu.

They did effectively have a secret menu insofar as every time I went to McDonald's and was like, Yeah, let me get that bratwurst.

Let me get that bratwurst that hits so good.

Most of the time, they're like, What are you fucking talking?

You can't order a hot dog in here.

Are you out of your mind?

You do have them back there, I promise.

At Hungry Howie's, we know that National Pizza Day and the big game are sacred occasions for pizza fans.

says Jeff Rinky.

What?

Sacred?

Sacred, Travis.

Sacred.

Much like language is sacred to those of us who care.

I thought you were saying secret menu, but you've been saying sacred menu this whole time.

Yes, that's right.

Right.

Passed down on tablets.

As part of our sacred menu, it highlights our commitment to the sanctity of marriage.

But someone said,

Hungry Howeys Began is a thousand-square-foot hamburger shop in Taylor, Michigan.

And now we ran out of buds

making a mockery of the word secret.

My partner and I received a fancy MILF frother for Christmas.

I'm, man, I said MILF.

I know.

And no one said anything, though.

Did you catch that?

How me and Travis are going to be?

Thank you.

Thank you.

Thank you.

Thank you.

Thank you.

Thank you.

Thank you.

I'm very excited about it.

And I've been making frothy milk drinks at home.

When we have friends over, I make frothy milk.

I offer to make frothy milk drinks for them, but they often turn it down.

I worry this is because they're worried it'll be too much work for me.

I want to share froth with the world.

How can I encourage my guests to accept a frothy drink?

And what should I try frothing next?

That's from frothing in the big city.

Man, it's been a while since we've had a full-blown mad person up in here.

It's been a while since we've had a real wild wild one like this.

I would like to, I would like to try to help this person

because I feel like I have often been the person in their situation, right?

Sure.

I'm excited about something like that I think is very fun and decadent that maybe others aren't as like necessarily attrained by.

And like recently, what a lot of people in my life, sort of like friends and family have around me, have started to communicate is that they do not like this.

Right.

So this is an unenjoyable way for me to be behaving.

Right.

And friends who I try to like, who I'll maybe like, to use this example, I'll make a frothy milk drink and just shove it in their hands.

Stuff like that.

They've expressed to me, sort of everybody I know is like, that's not something that they enjoy or indeed will continue to tolerate.

Right.

Yeah.

So you're working on making new friends or I don't think you came to me for me to say stop it, but I have learned recently from a lot of people around me that the answer might be,

stop.

That's cool.

Like It's like relax.

Just like cut it out.

It's like the welder thing.

Like, you have experience with this specific thing, so you can give kind of like evidence of the best course of action.

A younger me might have had some different advice, but this new me has had his eyes open quite a bit.

See, this is fun because, in many ways, I am a younger Justin, and I was going to say a different thing.

Yeah, let's hear your thing, Trev.

My thing was.

And I'll like judge is like sort of third party because I don't like it.

I don't give a fuck.

So I'll judge for both of you guys.

Here in the Midwest, we have kind of a secret menu of conversation.

Yeah.

Where like you offer once and then they say no because they think it would be an inconvenience.

And then you offer again.

Yeah.

And then they say yes.

That's when it's clear you need it.

Yeah.

Yeah.

No, it's really no trouble.

Oh, if someone three times.

If I was a guest in someone's house and they said, do you want a frothy milk drink?

First of all, my answer would be, of course, no.

I don't want to drink any milk drink, but especially one that you thickened, one that you sort of carbonated a little bit.

That's going to be a no for me, dog.

If they offered it to me a second time, I would leave.

That is, that person

has an, has a bad relationship with the thing that they're trying to give you.

And I, I want to be out of, I want to get out of that.

I already did say no.

I have to get out of this.

One, one time for Christmas, I think Teresa got like one of those like whipped cream canister things where you put like the CO2 cartridges in it.

And like we were so excited.

Like we had people over and like had made like pie and like hot chocolate and stuff.

And we're like, can we have this thing?

And I believe it was only used by Teresa and myself.

And it was like an audition for

the whipped cream canister to become a permanent fixture in our lives.

And it failed the audition.

Oh, as it often does.

Yeah.

In a cabinet, you go.

Goodbye forever.

My favorite game is watching Top Shift when someone pulls one of those out and being at home

like a wise asshole, just like, that's that's going to fucking explode.

And it does every never works.

It explodes every time.

Don't work.

It's a pain in the ass.

And then at the end of the day, no one is trying to solve the problem of like, I'm really not getting enough whipped cream.

Yeah.

Like, you're not making, I need to get better, higher volume whipped cream day to day in my life.

Have you noticed that when someone uses even like just a can of whipped cream, there is a second of such terror as you push on the nozzle of like, what pressure is about to spray out of here and just fling hot chocolate everywhere?

Or like, it's never like a gentle buildup.

It's like,

right the first time.

And it, like, you, everybody gets nervous for a second.

I, I think,

I think you can't, you simply can't offer it a second time.

I'll leave the house.

I'm your guest now in this instance.

That's wild.

You don't ask a second time.

You need to work on your first sales pitch.

You can only really get this question out the door one time.

I'm kind of a tea guy now.

That's like my new thing.

I get nice teas and I have fancy pot for making it and I like it.

I drink it every night.

Love a tea.

And so when someone comes over and I want to give them tea, I'll be like, do you want some tea?

I got the really good shit.

Or like I'll say something to let them know like it's going to be good tea.

So what could you say sort of about frothed milk?

One thing is like I'm doing one already.

Like I've already frothed it.

Like you could be mid-frog like, whoa, this is looking pretty good.

Do you want one?

Yeah.

Like that.

You can take this one.

You say, don't make me be the only one frothing over here.

Yeah.

I'm

mouth.

Also, you could just go ahead and have a barista like outfit on and like have a counter set up with like a register and write their name on a cup and be like, what'd you want?

Yeah.

Well, the thing I've tried is if they say no the first time, kind of being pouty and petulant for an hour.

Ooh, I like that.

Show me how that works, Justin.

Well, here's what you do.

You do that.

And then every 20 minutes or so, your wife will ask you if anything's wrong.

You say, no, no, no.

Seriously, nothing.

It's awesome.

Yeah.

Yeah.

And then eventually you snap out of it i don't know somebody else catches and you kind of spin the frother sadly in the air just like

someone quietly knocks on your bedroom door and says actually you know what i'm actually kind of joking for some frothing if that's still

way too late it's way too late at that point it's too late no but i threw that thing away no yeah

that's stupid i didn't even actually have one based on what you said earlier juice i didn't know that this was an option to do what i'm about to do but i don't like when you do that yeah i don't like when you do that i know I do.

It makes me feel superior.

I don't say that enough to

hope that you change.

But the reason that I know that I have this insight is that I have started to become in this year of our Lord, 2025, my

way that I'm being faster than fear.

And I'm kind of like, I know we're getting ahead of things a little bit with the finale, but it's like, I'm just telling people what's happening up there now.

I'm just telling people

exactly what's happening.

You're sharing thoughts and feelings with people?

Not sharing.

You're doing the energy thing.

No, that was an audit.

See, that was a funny task.

Yeah.

No, what I'm saying is that I'm just telling people that,

like, for example, in this milk frother,

if I were in this situation, I would say, hey.

Can I frother you a milk drink?

It's really all I think about anymore.

And if I don't make someone a milk frothing drink, I'm going to actually think about it all day.

Yeah.

And you will say,

what that frees people in your life to say is, yeah, I will take one for future reference.

I don't like this.

And that frees me from ever having to think about it again because they have said, I don't want it.

And I'll say, okay, sounds good.

But they didn't know to tell me to cut it out unless I told them how weird I was.

This is something I started doing with my wife because there are many TV shows and books and things that I enjoy that she does not.

And I desperately need to talk about them with someone.

And I will say, hey, I know you don't care about this thing.

I just need to like say my feelings about it out loud for like two minutes.

And then I won't bother you about it again.

And she's like, okay, go.

And she'll listen and go, oh, cool.

Whoa, that sounds nice.

And then we're past it.

So you're saying next time I offer someone tea, I should walk in and be like, hey, I say I'm kind of a tea guy now.

But I feel like such a fucking phony about it.

Yes.

Yeah.

Okay, come on.

Griffin.

I feel like so close.

Keep going.

Okay.

Yes.

Hey, I say that I'm kind of a tea guy now because I buy it, but I buy a lot of shit.

And I feel like a total phony.

I think the tea is really good, but if I don't get someone to mirror me a little bit and tell me if my judgment about the tea is accurate or not, I'm going to feel like this for as long as I drink tea, which may be a minute and maybe the rest of my life.

I don't know.

Will you help me

help me drink this tea and tell me if I'm full of shit or not?

And if you say I am, cool, man.

Next hobby.

I'll get back into candy making or some shit.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Authentic, Authenticity.

Whatever the thing is.

It doesn't have to be a hobby.

It'd be like literally anything.

You just say,

just say how you're feeling.

I know.

I know.

Yeah.

But

honestly saying it, right?

Like, not in a way where you think people are going to be scared.

Because a lot of other people are thinking pretty wild stuff too, you'll find.

But once people just start saying it all the time, it's pretty liberating.

That's the energy, huh?

That's the energy.

I finally figured it out.

That's all the energy.

Some people, hey, here's what's going on.

And I'm honest with myself a lot more in that sense, too, because hey,

it's been this way upstairs the whole time.

I have no reason to think.

I might as well start.

Listen, listen.

If the landscape ain't going to change, I better start printing maps.

Yeah.

Because it seems like things are going to be this way.

They might add new guys to the inside-out movie, but the old ones are still there.

Hey, where's the hyperfixation guy, by the way?

I want to see that guy in my brain, in my inside-out brain.

That guy who's just like, man, 3D printing, printing, though, like, it's all we've ever loved, right?

It's all we've ever talked about.

Yeah, we can go broke on filament, right?

Right, we all love this.

Do the inside-out guys have littler inside-out guys inside their heads?

Yes,

I didn't see inside-outs.

The cars universe, wait, yeah, the cars are inside the inside-out guys.

Cars is happening inside one of the inside-out guys, and it's telling them how to feel.

Yep,

it's miles-teller

stuck in your craw, huh?

What a weird

miles a lot.

Miles and miles today.

Inside of Lightning McQueen is Wally telling him how to feel.

And inside of Wally is Joseph Gordon-Levitt trying to get him out of there, trying to give him the kick to get him back up to the surface.

That's awesome.

And the surface is the little girl, an inside-out.

Yes.

Correct.

Yes.

Hey, thanks for listening to our podcast.

Another great normal one.

We really appreciate you being here with us.

If you want to come laugh together,

February 20th and 21st, we're going to be in Tampa with my brother, my brother, me, and Taz, respectively.

First Taz live in Florida.

And

we got, that's going to be Taz versus Romeo versus Juliet.

That's going to be really good.

February 22nd, we're in Jacksonville with my brother, my brother me.

For more info and ticket links, go to bit.ly forward slash Michael RoyTours.

Also, right now, we've got just a few more cabins for Champions Grove available now.

That's going to be Memorial Day weekend in May.

I believe it's May 22nd, 23rd, or 23rd, 24th, 25th, 26th.

We're doing a four-day weekend.

Come hang out with me and a bunch of other great role play, actual roleplay creators and a bunch of wonderful people playing games in a castle in Ohio.

We also have the scholarship application form up now at championsgrove.com.

Come check it out, get your tickets, get your packages before it's too late.

We got some new merch over at the merch store over at macrowaymerch.com for you to peruse.

Also, if you missed our Candle Nights special last year, you can still watch it video on demand.

It's pay what you want.

All proceeds go to Harmony House, and 10% of all of our merch proceeds this month will be donated to World Central Kitchen over at macraymerch.com.

Thank you to Montane for the use of our theme song, My Life is Better With You.

It's a fantastic one with a steady beat that you can really mob to.

Now, Justin, we had a listener submitted Faster Than Fear.

Would you read it this week?

Yes, I would be happy to.

Should we make some like vroom vroom noises or like drumming?

I'll be honest, doing noises last year really got played out for me real fast.

Okay, yeah, the just reading.

Let's play with silence.

Whoa, Griffin, say that again.

Let's play with silence.

Did you like that?

I think there's something there.

I say shit like that all the time, man.

I got to start wearing one of those little recorders.

Yeah, I love that.

Hey, listen, in this, the year of our Lord 20 Thunder Drive, I'm releasing my fear of birds.

Just because a parrot cussed me out at a pet store when when I was seven doesn't mean all birds hate me, it just means that local hooligans taught the parrot how to cuss.

That's a good fear to have.

I actually wish you did still.

Some people are afraid that all birds hate you.

Some of them are out to

some, just a little bit.

A little bit of cussing salt that makes the chocolate taste sweeter.

Birds have to have their own cuss words that we don't know about.

I'm Travis McAway.

I'm Griffin McIntyre.

My birthday.

That's square on the lips.

My girl.

It's better with you.

My life.

It's better, it's better with you.

Cause it's true.

It's better, it's better with you.

My life,

it's better with you.

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