MBMBaM 748: Gooped and Gagged, Dad
Suggested talking points: Non-Denominational Cross, Knife on Knife Violence, Grating Chips at the Pringles Factory, Stuck on Savory Candy
World Central Kitchen: https://wck.org/
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Transcript
The McElroy brothers are not experts, and their advice should never be followed.
Travis insists he's a sexpert, but if there's a degree on his wall, I haven't seen it.
Also, this show isn't for kids, which I mention only so the babies out there will know how cool they are for listening.
What's up, you cool baby?
It's the start
of something beautiful.
A small acquaintance has blossomed, it's ripened into a precious friendship.
I could have never seen what was coming for me.
Hangs at the state park, hangs by the beach.
My life,
it feels love.
My life,
it's better, it's better with you.
My life, oh,
it's better, it's better with you.
This is true.
It's better, it's better with two
Hello, everybody, and welcome to my brother, my brother, Main Advice Show for the modern era.
I'm your oldest brother, Justin McElroy.
Vroom, vroom.
What's up, Trav Nation?
It's me, your middlest brother, Travis Big Dog Wolf Wolf McElroy.
What's up, Trav Nation?
It's me, your sweet baby brother and Justin McElroy impersonator, Griffin McElroy.
We dress dress as yeah, I'm regretting this hoodie.
I'm so warm.
We look like an animorph going either from Justin to Travis or Travis to Justin and me in the middle.
I just wear this shirt all the time, you know.
I'm going to wear this until I feel better.
That's what I told myself.
And I've had it on for weeks.
Hey.
Go ahead.
I know you.
Well, let's let Travis finish taking his fucking shirt off.
Now the continuity is all fucked up now, Trav.
We're a video forward organization.
But I wanted to wear a gray shirt like you guys.
It's a dark gray and there's words on it.
That's the graphics.
Charcoal.
Okay.
Man,
you can see my nap line right across my forehead still.
That's fucking embarrassing.
Why are we a video forward?
We're not ready for the jump.
We're not video forward people.
No, no, no.
You know what I mean?
Like, we're not video forward human beings.
We're audio handsome.
Yeah.
And even that is a stretch.
We're a seven in audio.
Yeah.
Have you heard my voice?
Anyone, anyone can be audio.
I went, I had an unexpected experience.
I didn't expect this would happen, but this weekend I went to my first
went to my first basketball game where Charlie was cheerleading, leading the cheers with the cheerleaders.
I didn't think I'd make a cheerleader, but who knows?
Here we are.
Excuse it, generation.
Dad was a cheerleader.
Cheerleader, right?
She was cheerleading, and they cheerlead for some of it, and then a lot of it is just watching fourth graders play basketball.
Yeah,
they don't tell you.
Yeah.
Do you think that's how mom and dad felt when you were the scorekeeper for the elementary school basketball?
They loved watching you write down stuff in the book and they're like,
I'm pretty sure I walked to the games.
They're like, I walked.
I don't think mommies and daddies are required to watch their kids score.
Or encouraged.
Yeah.
No, it's like a lot of it is just watching fourth graders play basketball.
And man, it's awesome.
What's the fundamentals like, Jesus?
Okay, the fundamentals are first of all the the thing you don't expect because you think it might be boring you're wrong because the first thing you don't know is no one's gonna score like we're going into soccer territory like we ended the first quarter of this game 2-2
so like every basket is a thriller okay yeah you are also seeing
basketball played at a level where even I can identify the issues, which makes it a lot more engaging, right?
I don't understand why, like Francis, the Spurs beat the Lakers.
I don't know why that happened.
No clue.
The flip of a coin, as far as I know.
I do know Charlie's team was struggling with their one play, which was pass it to the tall kid.
Let the tall kid not shoot it, have the tall kid pass it to one of the short kids, and they fall over.
And that play, they executed that play 30 times in the game, and
they could not get any points up on the.
Well, you gotta, you gotta, and I know you're not a big sports guy, Juice, but some teams can't do it all.
Some teams can only do one thing, but they do it in their special way better than anyone else, like the Mighty Ducks did.
Can I tell you the problem, just real quick, before we get too deep in the paint?
Yeah, that's true.
I was going to make a joke of like, yeah, some teams can't do it all.
And then I was going to say an NBA team that I think was safe to make fun of.
I don't even have that.
What the bad one is?
I don't even have to.
I can say the Bills right now, but that feels like it's.
That's not an an nba team at all just i know but it's like if you're bringing like a team oh i could just say bills listen
so it's 2-2 right we're getting down to the wire and it's halftime and they go out and do some cheers which is great i'm i'm having like oh the other thing i didn't tell you the clock doesn't stop and almost no fouls are called which is a that's let them play that fucking trucks dude yeah absolutely dude like they're not calling stuff because like they can't stop So, they're just like fighting over the ball and getting it back, and the game continues.
Awesome.
It comes about halftime.
I'm thrilled, like, so thrilled and excited.
Well, you found a fourth-grade fight club, it sounds like.
Yeah, man.
I have rules just right.
I have to get refreshments.
So, I stepped outside of the at the boys and girls club and I went over to the refreshment stand.
And I did watch a lady drop a hot dog on her foot, which was good.
And then I
got up
mustard and chili.
Sorry, I'm in West Virginia.
Color sauce color of shoe color of shoe before color of shoe was the white air force ones
it was the air force ones did
by the truckload traders did she give you an oh
no she got another hot dog out of it which i enjoyed but i got my nachos and a soda nice and a free ground hot dog for you and then i got to the door of the gym They're like, I had to wait for like 10 minutes, 11 counting to clean up for the hot dog.
And I got there.
They're like, sorry, no drinks or food allowed in the gym.
And I'm like, well, I mean, I bought them and like, I can see.
So I just stood at the door of the gym.
That one dad just standing outside, lurking outside the door of the gym, kind of half watching the game and eating nachos.
Yeah.
And he's really eating them fast, too.
Like, like his wife is giving him angry looks.
Like, he needs to get back in the room pretty soon.
So he's kind of horping the chips.
Yeah.
I think the name of the full name of the club is the Boys and Girls and Hoops chomping down on a good dog club.
Club.
They had ring pops too.
Oh, yeah.
Cowtails?
Just chocolate.
Chocolate cowtails?
You're seeing those more and more.
It's like a chocolate outside with a chocolate cream.
Me, I need the biggest cowtail you got.
For me to even feel it, I don't need a pocket-sized one.
It's like Charleston Chew rules with me.
I need it to look like a novelty you purchase from an airport.
Give me a 50-yard
spool of cowtails, make a joke of it.
Make a joke of it, yeah, make a joke, like a whimsically sized one.
I want a cow tail so big you could tell they've had to come up with new preservation techniques
to make it all hanging out.
Something that they're going to call like a mammoth tail, you know what I mean?
They're not just calling it a cow tail this way.
We're gonna have to go.
Well, we're at it, uh-huh.
We're at it.
Yeah, go off, king.
Why do they call this fucking candy cowtails?
That's the grossest imaginable sort of textural comparison.
I feel like they could have.
When you eat a cowtail and it goes into your mouth, there's a part of your brain that thinks, like, yeah, that's probably what it's like.
And that's because they named the candy that.
Also, locational concerns of where the cow's tail is located.
Yeah, the business end.
Yeah.
Okay.
Gross name for a candy.
Gross.
The reason for this is that for the longest time throughout confectionery history, if you watch the Foods That Made Us, you know this.
Candy making is seen as a sin.
So when you are a candy maker, you try to make your product seem as unappetizing as possible.
So you have some of these names like, this is where you get, for example, cowtails.
This is where you get goobers.
They realize you shouldn't be consuming this.
It's a bazooka.
Nerds.
Nerds.
It's a bazooka.
It's a
razzles.
You know?
Oh, you want to eat candy, Henry?
Oh, Henry.
You disgust me.
That's actually, I thought you were talking to Griffin's son.
I don't know.
My son, no, like
O'Henry bars.
I thought that was about because there was such a twist.
You would bite into it and you'd be like, oh, there's crunchy stuff in there.
Those are bad names.
I'm saying specifically cow tails is like, and then the things that cow, and then the thing looks and feels kind of like maybe a shaved cow's tail.
I don't know.
The marrow, creamy marrow.
The creamy marrow within itself.
Yeah.
I didn't know how much, I was walking a real fine line for how excited to get about the game, right?
Because if you're cheering a lot, then it seems like you're putting too much pressure on the kids.
But if you don't cheer at all, or the thing that I kept getting, I kept telling kids they need to take more shots on basket.
And they're really close.
Like
they're right there.
So I would kind of say like, in the way you would at sport, shoot.
Shots on basketball.
Shots on basketball.
And the kids kid's right there playing probably his first basketball game ever in his entire life.
And there's this 44-year-old guy, like, shoot.
No, here's what you need to do.
Dude, that's cool, man.
Bibi's been doing soccer for a couple years now.
She's there.
She's physically present.
So you could say she's doing it.
Oh, this is the same kid, by the way, that one day, middle of a play, walked off the field to me and said, I just feel like the other team doesn't care about our feelings.
And I was like, okay, baby, you need to get back out there.
That game's still going.
That's what the team said to each other in the locker room before every game in Friday Night Lights.
I just feel like they don't care.
But here, all you got to do, Justin, is learn like three or four other players' names, of the players' names, and then say like, yeah, you got it, Jeremy, or whatever.
Like, oh, don't do that.
Go, Josh.
And then you seem engaged, but you only need to do that 10% of the time.
Yeah.
Shout their addresses too, Juice.
Well, yeah.
Docs them real good.
Okay, I don't think that I feel like at a certain certain point, you kind of figure out their like Minecraft handles, get their Minecraft IDs.
This is hey, this is an advice show, in case you haven't noticed, and we help people, that's what we do.
That's our that's our burden, you know what I'm saying?
Yeah, that's our cross to bear.
Thank you, Travis.
I wasn't going to get religious, but thank you.
Um, oh, non-denominational crosses, sorry, anybody's general cross, yeah, they crucified a lot of others.
This is what I'm saying, yes, they never talk about this, yes, there's plenty in Superman stuff, like crosses crosses are everywhere.
Everywhere.
Templars.
Templars, that's one.
X's.
I'm saying.
Do you think at some point I will stop inviting my wife to watch new Superman TV commercials like it is a limited first-run screening event that she's been exclusively invited to, where I have to adjust the lighting?
Because there was a new TV spot, and I was like, honey, stop everything.
No,
you have to do it with the same energy that your kids come up to you with like a drawing or something that they made where they're like, look at this.
And then you can go, oh, that's great.
So when I bring a new Superman trailer to Teresa, I bring it like, Teresa, Teresa, look, look.
So she can go, oh,
you got to bring out the energy, not expect her to supply it.
That's a really audience at what, Griffin?
Audience at home.
I just want to let you know that my whole family, but me is so hard, rock hard for this flying man.
This one's going to be it, Griffin.
No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, it's in the middle, please.
I don't get a chance to really let this out when we're like together.
And so, like, I think it's you guys are so rock hard.
This is what
my you feel these rocks.
Are they hard?
Yeah, feel how hard these rocks are, Griff.
Feel how hard are the rocks that I've got.
It's you, but you guys will share the trailer in our text group and be like, iconic.
Chills.
Looks like
flying in on the ground floor
before he takes
before he takes
do you know do you know when this when he lands when he lands and delivers july 11th yeah
and he will yeah you know how embarrassed you're gonna be i'm excited i'm sure that's
like half mass he delivered like we're gonna when it when he When he lands and delivers the July
11th, we're not going to let you forget it.
We're not going to let you live it down because you're sitting here saying it's going to be trash.
I believe.
I'm not saying it's going to be trash.
I sound like you believe it.
History's settled on this.
I'm saying I have never sent anyone, family member or no,
a cinematic movie trailer and been like, chills.
I'm over.
I'm
gooped and gagged, dad.
Shit.
Justin and I are willing to be hurt.
That's how open we are to love.
Griffin, I'm going to tell you something.
You think that you've seen all the different ages there are, but there's not.
There's other ones.
And when you see some of the others, you may want to look for things to be excited about.
You may not want young people, millennials, say, to kind of like rail your sunshine by saying that this is me.
Huh?
Am I the bad?
Am I the bad guy in this scenario?
I'm not saying the movie's going to be trash.
I bet it's going to be great.
I bet it's going to be great.
I got Fraser paraphernalia, so I don't think I'm a millennial.
I think that rules me out.
I'm a cusp.
I'm a Virgo.
I'm going to help people.
I couldn't even say my own shit.
Go ahead, Juice.
Let's do it.
I'm staying with my partner's family for the holidays.
Well, this one's been in the hopper a little bit.
It's still a good one.
You know, sometimes the questions, they stay good no matter what.
I'm staying with my partner's family for the holidays.
You know, Darby screams.
Decorations that you leave up through the winter?
That's what this is.
I'm staying with my partner's family for the holidays.
It could be Valentine's Day.
maybe being a good guest i offered to make it dinner one night for valentine's day this it turns out was a terrible mistake brothers the knives in this kitchen suck immense shit they're all blunt and one has a huge bin in the blade it's impossible to cut anything i really want to buy them some knives that actually work but i'm worried i'll come across as passive aggressive how do i get them new knives without dishonoring the blade now we're talking
This is a question I'm equipped to answer.
This is a good question.
It's a good I've been there.
I mean, you stay in like an Airbnb or a vacation home or something.
You go to like make something.
You're like, what is this?
And it's just like, there's like one,
you know, like it cost three cents when they bought it knife.
And you're like, oh, no.
And it's like, I'm more likely to chop my own finger off than cutting.
I get scared.
You pick up a knife that's cheap enough.
It's scary to use.
It feels bad holding it.
Have I cut myself just accidentally on my very extensive, very knife chef's chef's knife?
Yes, of course I have.
Yeah.
But it's a light cut.
It's a scald cut.
It's a light cut.
Oh, it's so clean.
It's so clean.
The doctors are like, this is so clean.
Was this a scalpel?
And I say, no.
No.
It was my fancy chef's knife that I grabbed wrong.
But there is still something remaining in the life, the life aura of the world.
Something very feudal about, like, if someone gives you a knife, it's like they're disrespecting
your family a little bit.
Like, you need this.
Oh, you don't have a blade.
You need a blade.
I think you can do one.
I don't think you can do a whole set.
Absolutely not a whole set.
Not a whole set.
But if you're going to buy one knife,
if you're going to buy one knife for the person in your life that doesn't have any good knives,
what knife are you going to get?
Budget?
Budget?
$50.
No, $100.
$100.
$100?
Well, you want something okay, but like, you don't want to go crazy.
Are you asking like brand?
Because it's just a good chef's knife, man.
No, not a good chef's knife.
What?
Not a chef's knife?
Okay.
Yeah.
I'll go.
Or a pairing knife.
A really good pairing knife, they'd probably use more.
No.
This is what I'm saying.
I feel like you've got to have at least one really good serrated knife.
You don't buy a serrated.
How are you going to cut up your sashimi?
Here's what I would get.
There's an like a Nakiri knife, like Milk Street makes this Nakiri knife.
So you are talking like a specific blade.
He wants a specific blade.
What shape?
Like, I want to, I want, do you want a chef's knife?
One good chef's knife.
One good.
That's like a hurry-based.
That's like a hurry-based feeling.
Check this out.
Check this out.
Pizza cutter.
Huh.
The one, the really, the blade you need in your home is pizza cutter.
I think.
One thing it does, cut pizza.
But a lot of people don't know this.
That's a really sharp circular blade.
It's basically
cut tortillas with it you can cut naan
you have a flat bread i have a tmnt pizza cutter and i will say i do use it i have a see one of these pizza cutter where it's the red plastic over a circle that you have to separate to clean that i've probably had for 20 years that's really great i i guess i went the times i i have used knife though and it It was fine.
Like, I didn't have any problems with knife.
Knife works like really.
To cut pizza?
Yeah.
It's fine for pizza.
Yeah, but the triangles get all fucked up if you, because no one has a 22-inch long knife.
Like the triangles get all fucked up.
I feel that whole thing.
I feel like if you're using a rolling pizza cutter, by the time you're three quarters of the way, you're trolling through so much pepperoni and pepper.
You're like, you've got a lot behind you, right?
You're like tearing a bigger.
There's a lot of challenge to make sure you hit those lines intersecting perfectly in the center so you don't get one little triangle nub.
Oh,
I wish that.
And you put two lines down.
You've already decided if it's going to be an eight or six slice situation.
And you don't even, I hope you were thoughtful about that.
I hope you were thoughtful about that before you went in for those cuts.
I'm going to give question asker, this is the thing one of my brothers has used when doing something like this.
And it works every time.
Justin will get me kitchen utensils.
And as he hands it to me or as I open the present, he'll say, it was rated the number one by America's Test Kitchen.
And at that point, there's, it alleviates any sense of judgment on my stuff.
Yeah.
Because it's not that my stuff is bad.
It's that this one's the best one according to America's Test Kitchen.
It's better
than what, than this,
is that this was number one by America's Test Kitchen.
So it's like, hey, you know how you've been driving around in a car?
Here's a private jet.
Like there is such a step.
That would be so much worse for me to have in my life.
I feel like I wish I'd learned earlier that a lot of times it's better to buy a good one that was made by people that give a crap and then you use it your whole life.
That's all I'm saying.
I wish I'd learned that younger.
I think that is a nice gift.
That idea is a nice gift.
They say, here, you don't have to sweat knives anymore.
Here you go.
Now, the one thing, other thing you could do is you get a nice knife that kind of looks like their knife.
Ooh.
And then bring over a sharpening thing and be like,
Like, don't use one of the easier ways to sharpen.
Use like the annoying ones with
barber's strop.
And then when they're not looking,
when they're not looking,
fucking chuck their knife.
Just chuck it.
And then bring out your knife and you're like, here you go.
I think you'll find this to your liking.
And they're like, wow, even the handle feels whatever.
And then
you could also assuage a lot of sort of like concerns that you're being judgmental if you do buy them a nice new knife and then you get their knife and then in front of them you use the nice new knife to cut the old knife in half.
Yeah.
Then they'll go like like
not lengthwise that seems crazy like i don't think anyone could do that just any clean cut on this old raggedy ass knife uh should be pretty good to convince them that they should they should have had this knife they'll hold they should have had a better knife i will also say this anybody out there considering getting themselves like one really good knife and really paying for it it will turn you into
a real weirdo who like i have that one nice knife in my kitchen that's like this one when i use this one I feel like the bear yeah and then I see my wife like cutting up an apple for my kids lunch with it and I'm like oh that was my the bear knife we do need oh that's not
oh you're cucking tomatoes in that pan oh that's not really oh it's just oh we don't use soap on that one kids remember that remember I wrote you that 40 couplet limerick about which pans we do and do not use soap on to help you remember wash that one right away and then try it and then yeah we
oh is that how long has that been damp
You could.
I also don't like me, listener.
Don't worry.
Yeah, me neither.
Listen, I haven't liked myself for years.
I got to live in this head all the time.
You only get it one hour a week.
You could also cook sweet potatoes and ask for some help.
Be like, dang, I could use some.
Could I use some help?
Yeah.
Do you mind cutting these sweet potatoes?
They'll realize pretty quickly something's terribly wrong.
There's also a very good chance they don't know how bad their knives are.
A sweet potato.
They'd have a good knife.
They'd be like, oh, I didn't know it could be better than that.
I did not know that that was have the other knife on hand while you're doing sweet potatoes oh this is cool
yeah this is it cook sweet potatoes i don't care what kind
smash them boil them put them in a stew yeah you could do it versatile griffin they're really versatile make smash sweet potatoes put put yeah call them in say i need help with these potatoes have them cut these sweet potatoes with their old busted ass shitty dented dirty filthy knife they won't be able to do it it's nature's hardiest hardiest, most stone-like vegetable.
Then what you're going to do is be like, oh, here, you unfold, you have like your knife inside of one of those little beds, you know, on top, chef, they're like, you lost, go home.
And they go and they have to put their knife in the little bed that they made for
it.
Yeah.
It's really cute.
You pull out yours and you
say, give that a try.
They do it.
And then as you leave, They're like, here's your knife.
And you say,
it's yours.
It's yours now, Chef.
That's what I'm doing.
That is so fucking fucking cool.
The bear and West Wing both have similar scenes.
Both have gifted.
You're passing on the blade.
It has to be that.
That's special now.
That's special.
You've been included in a family story at that point.
That's special.
It still has the price tag on it, but it's special.
You're welcome.
You're welcome.
Use the katana.
What's the etiquette you have to follow to buy your upstairs neighbor a new vacuum so they don't wake your fucking kid up?
Should I just get it and leave it at her door or something?
I would pay whatever price I need for this four-year-old to continue her nap for another hour.
We just convinced her eight-year-old brother he could spend time by himself, meaning without either of us.
We're so close to having an hour to ourselves.
Please help.
That's from a couple of sleep-deprived moms.
Do you think, you know what, you know, it just immediately conjured to me?
Are there still people who sell vacuums door-to-door?
Why was it the only thing that we were as a nation selling door-to-door?
Because
I've had long conversations with my friend Jeremy about all of the things that we learned from Looney Tunes
that were anachronistic before we were even born.
Right.
That it's like, oh, I know what that is from this thing.
Right.
I know that the hook that like pulls people off stage.
Sure.
Yeah.
I've never been to it.
I have never been to a concert where they get out a little hook or a cane and they tug somebody off stage by their neck.
That's fucked up.
Yeah, I've never seen it.
But door-to-door, like hairbrush sales in and vacuum sales in is just a thing that for a long time, I was like, when there's a knock at the door, it's like a one in five chance that it's someone trying to sell you a vacuum door-to-door.
I'm looking at the rainbow that we had growing up and
took me on an absolute journey.
Oh, baby.
The one with the water in it.
You can see that filthy shit going around on the bottom.
That was the grossest, the grossest thing you can imagine.
They would fill the bottom of the toilet up because it was filterless, right?
See, the idea is you fill the bottom of the vacuum with water and then the dirt goes in the water.
But then I'll tell you at the end of it, you have to empty that water into the toilet and you have to look at what you are.
You must be like you live in every day when you're not vacuuming.
This muck schloughs off of your fucking corpse.
Just remember that when you put that water in, it was clear.
Now it was clear before your filth.
Now look at you.
That was one room.
What's wrong?
We checked all the other houses and nobody's.
What was this?
Nobody has this beef tallow gravy.
Your water was clearer.
With your slimy body.
Look at you.
There's so much hair in there.
I don't know what's happening.
Where did this come from?
What's wrong with you?
Say goodbye.
Doctor.
Absolutely.
Say goodbye to your brother.
There he goes.
Goodbye.
The worst that would happen is when you're a kid, you would sometimes put off the, like emptying it out, right?
And so you would hook like a corner of a carpet or something, and the whole fucking thing would upend, thereby dumping the gross gravy.
And you just move the run.
The worst job you could get as a kid where your parents are like, go ahead.
Do you remember?
I was thinking about this actually today earlier.
We're speaking of like weird vacuuming stuff.
Do you remember the powder that mom used to put on before she vacuumed?
Carpet fresh?
Yeah.
What?
Yeah.
Yeah.
Carpet fresh.
Think about that, though.
When was the last time you saw anybody do that?
There's no way that shit is safe around me.
She put more dirt on the ground to vacuum.
A lot.
Like a powdering, like a quarter inch.
She dusted it.
I don't think you still do that.
I don't think that's a known thing.
as a pet owner, I recently, like, a year or so ago, was like, yeah, we need to get like that powder.
Yeah, the powder
thing.
And then you vacuum.
And Teresa looked at me like, with,
and I was like, yeah, you know, spring.
And she was like, so it's just like powder that you just like inhaled as you went.
And I was like, well, when you say it like that, yeah, there's no way.
Like, I was probably getting, there's going to be like mesothelioma, like, or whatever, like, ads coming.
I'm like, did your mom use carpet fresh?
Dang, dude.
I'm so.
Dang, that's messed up, man.
You should get some money from that or something.
Dang, dude.
Didn't she hear about all the terrible stuff, man?
That
sucks, bro.
Explains why that water was so greasy and grimy, man.
I don't want to salt mom's cleaning game, but that carpet fresh made the carpet a little too fresh.
You knew.
When that had been applied for a long, long time.
I'm looking at the Carpet Fresh now,
and
it looks like it is still in production from the imagery I can find,
but
it looks like it was made in the 80s.
So we may just be still selling our original
Carpet Fresh.
Okay, this is basically the same question as the last question, only you don't like the person you're buying the thing for.
So there are some different kind of societal norms and energies at play.
You just put a sign that says from future you, you're welcome.
Okay, cool.
That's awesome.
Yeah, we don't trick enough old neighbors that their time-traveling counterparts have come to
put it in a big Longer Burger basket with a note that says, please adopt me.
Like, you're leaving the baby at the door.
This vacuum, their family couldn't take care of it.
A vacuum baby.
An adoptable vacuum baby, yes.
Especially in your hubris, in your rush to act, you get a vacuum that is even louder than they have now, but it's even more fun to use.
So your neighbor's like, hey, Jerry, me, thank you.
I'm really ripping ass of that new fat.
That's a riding vacuum.
I've been absolutely demolishing this dirt.
I love this shit.
I love this water, man.
I sucked up my dog.
I saw your gift.
That's it.
I got right up and vacuuming and I haven't stopped.
Don't wait.
Just steal their old vacuum.
Make your neighbor babysit your baby.
Then they wouldn't think to vacuum on them.
Then you sneak upstairs.
Vacuum.
Vacuum.
That's cool.
You buy the apartment above theirs.
Yeah.
Then they'll realize, like, that's really loud.
Sucks.
I hate it.
Get your baby just used to the vacuuming noise.
Just turn it around again every time your baby sleeps.
My kids are right.
I should go back to living in my own filth.
That's what I deserve.
What is the point?
If it's it's only like an hour a day, can you ask them, like, hey, from three to four, could you just not vacuum?
Then I'll give you $50.
Yeah, Travis, of course you could do that.
But they won't want to even risk it.
They'll just live in filth.
But that's too scary.
Even though that's too scary a talk to have with a stranger.
Way easier to be like, I'm a door-to-door vacuum salesman giving out free samples.
Adopt this baby vacuum.
Adopt this baby vacuum.
Free.
Free.
You've won.
Buy him a little tiny rake and say this is what we're doing.
Ooh, it's Zen.
We're back.
Rakes are back.
Rake carpet rakes.
Carpet rakes.
Hey,
oh, start texting them videos of people pulling up the carpet and finding hardwood floor underneath until they're just so tempted they can't help.
Hashtag parquet challenge.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Yeah, absolutely.
And listen, even if they start pulling it up and it's like, oh, no, there's just like old cardboard under there or whatever.
It's too late now.
Yeah.
But then you're going to hear their fucking footsteps every single foot.
Sobs.
And sobs right through that that parquet wood um can we uh take a quick break would that be okay and then come only if it's to make money yeah okay that's now you're speaking of my language
okay
So we've recorded the rest of this episode pretty early, like last Monday, and
we did it early because Travis is traveling but then we Justin also wasn't
around and able to record so I'm gonna do the whole money zone by myself this is Griffin hello and it's I'm nervous I'm nervous and I'm not afraid to admit that I am nervous because this is a part of the show
that attracts a lot of attention and commerce.
And, you know, we keep getting nominated for all these awards for it.
And now now I have to do it myself.
Are you sure?
Looks that way.
But, you know, who gives me confidence in my time of great need is stamps.com.
God damn it.
We've crushed these ads so many times in the past.
And now that I stand at the gates of hell by myself, I'm going to try and pitch it right over the plate a thousand miles an hour.
I have an unconventional workday.
And it's got...
That was awful.
That was nothing.
No one's going to believe that.
I am a person who doesn't like to leave the house.
Stamps.com is not going to like that if I say I don't like to leave the house.
I have flexibility in my work.
No, stop it.
I refuse to listen to the commands and orders of anyone with any semblance of authority over me.
There we go.
Now we're cooking.
I believe in my own personal autonomy 1 million percent.
And that means that people can't tell me where to spend my time.
And with stamps.com, tedious tasks like sending certified mail or packages can be done on my time, not someone else's, like the government.
Stamps.com handles all your mailing and shipping needs wherever, whenever, you can access all the USPS and UPS services.
You need to run your business right from your computer or phone anytime, day or night.
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They'll send you the free scale.
They're still doing that.
And they get rates that you won't see anywhere else, like up to 88% off USPS and UPS.
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Yes,
that's one.
Now I just got to tell you about Factor and I can, and then we're all living on Easy Street.
And this one's going to be easy because we all got to eat.
And Factor knows that.
That's why,
I don't know why I said it that way.
This would never have happened if Justin and Travis were here.
That's why they make it so easy to get good food.
They got all these tasty gourmet meals, and they're designed to heat and eat in two minutes.
Bing, bang, boom.
Zoom, zoom, zoom.
Get that food hot, get it in you, yum, good, and it makes your body strong.
Factor arrives fresh and fully prepared.
Perfect for any active, active, busy lifestyle.
I mean, that's not me, but I do, you know, appreciate having some time savers here and there.
With 40 options across eight dietary preferences on the menu each week, it's easy to pick meals tailored to your goals.
Factor can help you feel your best all day long with wholesome smoothies, breakfast, grab-and-go snacks, and more add-ons.
I dabbled, I dipped into the factor menu, was like, oh, what they got popping off this week.
And the answer is everything that my palate could possibly quiver for.
Factor has everything you need, regardless of how you like to eat.
They got foods of all stripes.
It's a veritable wonkaverse in there.
Only it's not all candy.
It's real food, too.
Eat smart with factor.
Get started at factormeals.com slash brother50Off.
And use code Brother50Off to get 50% off your first box plus free shipping.
That's code Brother50Off.
And the 50 in there is a 5-0.
So it's like 5-0 off.
At factormeals.com slash Brother50Off to get 50% off plus free shipping on your first box.
All right, we're over 70 episodes into our show.
Let's learn everything.
So let's do a quick progress check.
Have we learned about quantum physics?
Yes, episode 59.
We haven't learned about the history of gossip yet, have we?
Yes, we have.
Same episode, actually.
Have we talked to Tom Scott about his love of roller coasters?
Episode 64.
So how close are we to learning everything?
Bad news, we still haven't learned everything yet.
Oh, we're ruined!
No, no, no, it's good news as well.
There is still a lot to learn.
Woo!
I'm Dr.
Ella Hubber.
I'm regular Tom Long.
I'm Caroline Roper, and on Let's Learn Everything, we learn about science and a bit of everything else too.
And although we haven't learned everything yet, I've got a pretty good feeling about this next episode.
Join us every other Thursday on Maximum Fun.
I want a munch.
Squad.
I want to munch.
Squad.
Welcome to Munch Squad of the podcast and the podcast profiling the latest and greatest in brand eating.
I want to thank Addison for this
important news alert that frankly should have come from Mr.
Travis Mackerel.
Okay, can I tell you something, Justin?
You've been doing Munch Squad so long that sometimes something will pop up in my feed and I'll be like, ooh, that seems like a Munch Squad.
And then you'll start a Munch Squad that very week.
And I'm like, do I know what this is?
And I think I know exactly what this is.
You know, the step that I think you missed in there was there is a step in there that collaborates.
I refuse to believe it exists in real life.
I thought it was a joke at first.
No, it's not a joke.
It's Skyline Spice.
What's that?
Yeah, it's Graters is doing a Skyline chili-flavored ice cream.
I have to say, what a betrayal this is, as Graders is a shining light of Cincinnati culture.
Uh-huh.
And
this is grotesque.
What does Skyline Chili mean to you culturally, Travis?
Yes, Travis.
What does Skyline Chili mean to you?
Culturally.
You know how when you visit like a state or a city that has a like, this is the food of this one, right?
Yeah.
And there's like your diner version, there's your street version, and then like fancy restaurants and stuff will be like, here's like the upscale, like Philly cheesesteak or whatever.
For sure.
That doesn't exist in Cincinnati.
There's only
the fast food version.
It is a meat sauce.
It is not chicken.
A smooth meat sauce.
Oh, boy.
If you're looking for a Cincinnati food, by the way, just my two cents geta is
the Cincinnati food.
You got to get to
David Guetta's fucking food.
Get to David Guetta's.
I like this sweet chili that Cincinnati makes.
I always get it when I'm creamy.
It's chocolate cinnamon.
I think it's chocolate and cinnamon there.
I think it's delicious.
I think it's cool to have this iconic cultural food for Cincinnati that basically everyone knows makes you blow up a huge fart.
I know like everyone knows it.
Two people in all of Cincinnati that enjoy it authentically.
Yeah.
And I enjoy it on a hot dog.
On a hot dog, it's great.
It's hot dogs.
but all you and your two friends know it makes you blow up a huge fart like everyone knows about.
And I love that that's just like a sort of brand identity that they embrace.
It's detrimental.
Yeah, that's what it says right there on the package.
Skyline Chili.
It's detrimental.
Yeah.
Yeah, I think that
Trav, let me tell you a little bit for this press release from your own WKRC.
In collaboration that embodies the spirit of Cincinnati, Skyline Chili and Greater's Ice Cream have teamed teamed up to create a unique new flavor.
The creation named Skyline Spice combines the iconic tastes of both beloved local brands.
Now, Travis, this is the part I want to highlight.
Dick Williams of Skyline Chili acknowledged that some might be skeptical of the unusual pairing, but assured that the new flavor is genuine.
Travis, the man said in the press release, Travis, this is real.
No, this is not a joke.
They tricked me with this before because when Fiona Baby Hippo was a big deal,
they partnered with the Cincinnati Zoo to make a Fiona hippo thing and it was not hippo flavored at all.
And I fell for it.
Hold on.
Hold on.
Hold on.
There's no way they said they were making a hippopotamus flavored ice cream.
Well, they didn't say it was hippopotamus flavored, but there were hippos all over it.
Juice, your expectation, Juice, you're a little lost in the sauce in this press release.
And I need you to really hear what Travis just said, is that he thought that they made a ice cream that tasted like a big zoo animal.
Not exactly like, but like Sim, you know, it would be reminiscent.
Like when you eat a pumpkin pie flavored ice cream and you're like, I get it.
Yeah, yeah.
Hey, so we bought this Sonic the Hedgehog cereal when the new movie came out, and it didn't taste at all like Sonic, like I imagine Sonic the Hedgehog.
This very episode, you were talking about how cow tails are gross because they remind you of cow's tails.
You're right.
It's not exactly.
That's a
scaredization.
He's exactly right.
And I'm being a Mondo hypocrite right now.
Thank you.
All I'm saying is that when I saw it, Cincinnati chili, yes, has a certain cinnamon chocolatey sweetness to it, but it is predominantly meaty.
So when I see a skyline chili ice cream, I think you can see where the doubt comes in.
You guys got to hear some of these, okay?
So the quote from Graders is from a person named Chip Grater, which is...
Awesome.
Yeah.
Awesome.
That sounds like a job someone has at a Pringles factory.
Chip Grater of Grator's Ice Cream revealed the idea for the collaboration has been in the development for several years.
Sure.
Three to five years ago, we started kicking around this idea of collaboration of Skyline.
Which one was it, Chip?
Which one was it, Chip?
You know exactly the damn thing.
There's no paper trail?
Check your emails, Chip.
William described the new flavor as a subtle blend.
This is just the spice, just the spice mix, which people love.
And it reminds us of Skyline Chili, but it's just a hint.
And it goes great.
It's not ice cream.
I know.
It's not great.
Don't get me wrong.
It sucks.
It's only a little.
It only sucks a little.
I promise.
It's mostly our thing.
Not their thing.
Their thing is bad.
It's so gross.
We will let them put just a little of their thing into our thing, but it's mostly our thing, which you love, right?
Yeah.
And when you add the oyster cracker in there that's not salty, but it's sweet.
It's a great experience.
They put a sweet oyster cracker in?
The duo tested 15 different flavors.
It's just the nilla wafer.
Hold on.
The duo tested 15 different flavors before settling on the final version.
And guys, you have to.
We had one that punched too hard with the skyline flavor and had cheese bits in it.
I want to be there on that day when this dude's like, good news, y'all.
I cracked it.
You know the secret ingredient we were missing?
Queso!
He comes in like hair all about, like, just sweating.
Like, is this it?
Just chili, like, just straight another.
And that was the fourth cheese iteration.
Pressed in this one.
That's that.
We were all looking at this and thinking, hmm, needs cheese.
Let's get cheese in it.
For everyone who's just kind of been looking at the world and been like, how did we slip into this darkest timeline?
It's nice when we see things like this to know, like, there are avenues that we there are paths that fate could have led us down that would have been a little bit worse.
Is there an ice cream flavor that you guys would be excited that there was cheese in?
I'm trying to think of like what that would go with that would make it
apple app like a jam and cheese
there's been a mac and cheese I mean they didn't we just talk about they did like a charcuterie inspired thing at Baskin Robbins
that doesn't count though that's a stunt
Graters is above that Graters is a bit yeah absolutely skyline spices right inside the ice cream and then a great oyster cracker that stays crunchy in the ice cream this is the most defensive press release i've ever read really any This guy.
Oh, and then there's another quote.
Yeah, the oyster cracker makes it cinnamon, a lot of cinnamon, but the oyster cracker, perfect.
The cracker really ties it all together.
Salty and buttery.
So Cincinnati, said another tester.
He hit, he had in the notes, like, hit cinnamon hard.
They're going to hear cinnamon and they're going to think that's the thing that goes in ice cream sometimes.
Yeah, that's a friend who belongs to ice cream.
Cinnamon's oyster.
No, don't chocolate.
Chocolate.
Chocolate.
Stop saying oyster, please.
Yeah,
um, real quick.
I just sorry, I did mean to mention and to get a little greedy, but I wanted to show you guys these real quick because this is just
this is one you got to see for yourself, honestly.
Cause I,
um, and I
no, yeah, no, yeah,
no, no, yeah, that's not
just, yeah, I had to check a few times.
Enjoy soup like never before.
Progresso, your go-to for comforting premium soups is innovate.
It It must be a different progress.
It's innovating beyond expectations this cold and flu season with the launch of the first ever limited edition soup drops.
What's a soup drop?
Well, it's a soup you can suck on, of course.
Any soup's a soup you can suck on, you fucking loser.
Okay, I'm, we've been doing Mun Squad long enough now
that I believe, and I'm not breaking new ground here, but this is the kind of thing, right, that would have been an April Fool's joke like six years ago.
Before things fell apart, yes.
And now it's a thing that they're like, we're gonna make a hundred of these, so yes, that is a question I get a lot on Munch Quad, Travis.
Thank you.
The difference is we used to have sin, yes, there used to be consequences, sin and consequences were the two things we're missing.
Consequences, culpability, yes, yeah, right, and that all used to happen, that doesn't happen anymore.
So, there are no what we in the business in the in the QSR food industry call repercussions for
the judgment.
So, yes, soup drops, you get a can of soup drops.
Yeah, They look
grotesque.
Is it?
I obviously is funny if we take a can of these soup drops and we take a bunch of Werthers originals and we replace the Werthers originals with soup drops.
And then we take them to the big hotel that Pop Pop lives in and give them to all the elderly people there.
And that's like a funny, harmless prank.
I'm worried if the elderly get their hands on soup drops,
it's gonna be a thing.
Like, they're gonna get way into them.
Yeah, now all this is.
This is gonna be a huge thing for them.
love they love nasty drops already they've already been sucking on bullion cubes yeah yeah they now they can just cut out the middle man yeah with soup drops soup you can suck on soup you can suck on suck it's suck my soup the suck i'm progresso there's this part's wild man these savory drops are arriving for a limited time this month for national soup month right at the height of cold and flu season now this press release came out january 16th which is halfway through the month so they already skipped a lot of it, I feel like.
So
let's see here.
Justin, can I tell you something that's messed me up about this picture?
And I think it's just that maybe they didn't.
It's horrid.
Yeah, it's horrid.
Soup drops looks so bad.
It looks so bad.
I can't describe.
On the can.
Yeah.
You see a bowl of soup with a spoon hovering over it with a soup drop on it.
And then next to it says serving suggestion.
Yeah.
One.
In spoon.
So you, but you're saying you should serve these hovering over a bowl of another bowl.
Yeah, because they say here,
we it says, uh,
now there's no spoon needed to dive into the classic taste of iconic progressive chick traditional chicken noodle soup, but you certainly can reach for the real thing if you're looking for that feeling of a hug in a bowl.
Now, words are supposed to be.
Which one is it?
This sentence says, yeah, you can eat it in cough drop form, but you can still buy regular soup yeah we didn't have to stop making the soup we haven't like pushed all our chips in on soup drops the soup you could suck we're
suck that soup we're still we're hedging our bets a little bit on this one we're not waiting can you imagine i mean oreo posts just stopped making oreo o's to make oreo puffs so
stranger things than this have happened Can you imagine if fucking Ludens or Ricola put out a new tagline that was like, suck this shit.
Suck on it.
Medicine kill it.
Suck.
It's crazy, Progresso, for you to come out of the gate with, yeah, yeah, it's soup candy.
Suck it.
That's fucking wild, man.
This energy is wild, dude.
Here's, man, here's a real...
a real fucking barnstormer of a sentence from the person who runs Progressive.
When you're sick, nothing is truly more reassuring than chicken noodle soup.
So we thought, why stop at the soup bowl?
We took the beloved flavors of our Progresso chicken noodle soup and packed them into a fun, savory candy soup drop for a totally new way to enjoy the taste you love whenever and wherever you want.
Stop say, stop justifying it.
Like, you know what you did.
Stop.
Like the sentences you're saying are
maniacal.
It is new.
I think you can still stand bad.
Like you made a mistake.
Yeah, you could make a a chicken soup inhaler, and I still would feel this way.
I didn't need it in a different,
in a different state of matter.
I might fuck with a chicken soup inhaler.
That would be good.
If you could get some of those good effects of chicken noodle soup, but like when you're at a basketball game, like in public.
When they wouldn't let you have like your food in there, and you could just do a puff puff of some soup.
Yeah.
Just a soup vape, I guess, is what I'm asking for.
I mean, what close?
That favorite flavor of Progresso iconic chicken noodle soup is packed into each drop.
It's like broth, savory veggies, chicken, soft egg noodles, and a hint of parsley have all been stirred up in a surprising way that's sure to wow your taste buds.
And the best part is you can enjoy soup drops anywhere in the carpool line during a grocery run.
List off a hundred places.
I only
keep going.
While folding laundry?
Yeah, yeah.
Sitting in the doctor's office or hiding under the covers.
The coziness.
Hiding under the covers.
Listen, guys, the coziness you crave is just one drop away.
These are the drops to reach for when you're so depressed you can't eat soup.
Yeah.
Where the soup would be too messy because you have to sit up to eat soup.
Or hiding in the rain in a tree outside an enemy's window and you're worried that the rain would dilute your soup.
Worry no more.
That's my issue is when I'm evading the Babadook in my bedroom.
Yeah, I can't eat my soup at the same time.
When you're monitoring the kids, you're not allowed to see from the car in the parking lot across the street.
You don't want to risk spilling soup on your lap and looking like an idiot.
When you're taking pictures of your wife cuckholding you with your best friend, you can't risk
your hands to hold the big Zoom lens.
They might see the soup steam from your car window.
No, see?
What if their angle was like
everyone keeps burning their genitals and crotch and thighs with our hot molten soup.
We know, we know it's hard and dangerous to eat our driving.
No more lawsuits, says Carol Mills.
You can't sue us anymore for hot soup because you could have had the drops.
Hurt yourself with these drops, babies.
Now, the problem is, is at the end of the drop experience, it turns you into a bowl of soup and the oomba loomas have to roll you out of there.
That is, that's the one problem our boys in RD couldn't.
Soupa, soup, dupa d soup.
We turned another child to soup.
Here's goop.
Hey, listen, this is where it's gets.
I get irritated is because you got to go to procresso soupdrops.com starting on Thursday, January 16th at 9 a.m.
Sign a liability waiver.
Yeah, with additional quantities released every Thursday for the rest of National Soup Month while supplies last.
What do you mean while supplies last?
How many of those fucking things do you have?
Just sell them already.
But they're not even selling them, guys.
Each order comes with an actual can of progresso chicken noodle soup, all for just $2.49, which is the typical price of a can of progresso soup plus just 99 cents shipping.
Legal loopholes.
That's how they get you.
It's a real Trojan horse.
Here's the way this ends.
Do you think that that's so when you pop a soup drop in, you're like, actually, this is gross?
But I do have that.
Can of soup.
I've got blue soup balls.
Sock up on this soup you can suck on.
No.
suck up on this soup you can suck on for comfort when you really need it and really just to say you tried it hey
superb
and feel supported this cold and flu season unless they're like medicated give me medicated soup drops that are gonna like cool my throat or something and like now i'm feeling supported otherwise you're just giving me now bad experience if i could put one of these into an eight-ounce cup of hot water
and then moments later, bullying cube, baby.
That's what you're talking about.
No, no, no, no, no.
No, no, no, no, no.
He wants the candy.
I wanted to, I want, but then you put it in the cup and it turns into real soup with stuff.
I want to taste the soft egg noodles.
I keep going back to when he said it's a savory candy, and I am really getting stuck on that because I know you can have savory
components, but like,
is it sweet candy?
I mean, is it a confection?
The closest we've gotten is like black licorice, where at that point, it's at most a punishing sweet candy.
Okay.
It's like the Swedish salted.
It's an umami.
Yeah, it's a bomb.
It's an umami bomb.
I wish to God I had these.
I would do anything.
For the soup you can suck on?
Thursday, man.
I really would like to eat one to see what it's like.
Set your timer right now before you forget for Thursday to buy soup drops.
I'll rely on my Droogies to get me my soup drops.
That's right, my Drogeys.
You'll be there at Thursday at night to get me my drops, won't you?
You're lucky.
Peter Walker 54, that's a good Droogie.
Send it a 25706.
I'll take all the cans you got.
Fuck.
Rachel, cut that out.
Don't cut it out, Rachel.
Oh, no.
I want all the
beautiful little soup droppies you can get, my little greblings.
We'll be gone, but be back soon.
Okay, perhaps tomorrow.
Send me soup buckets could suck on.
Hey, back soup.
Here's the problem.
I know myself well enough.
It would just be soup I could crunch on.
Violence rocks a local post office.
For sure.
For sure.
Violence rocks a local post office when the staff once again beats up on the husky boy that keeps doing bad stunts,
ruining the whole thing with heavy cans of soup drops.
Yeah, we got a hundred loose cans of soup you can suck on here.
They just wrote it on Sharpie, wrote the address, and threw it in a mailbox.
Yeah, I got something you can suck on, Podcaster.
Thanks a lot, pal.
Really appreciate these heavy boxes.
Not since you made 100,000 boxes of craft dinner get delivered here.
Have we hated your gut so much?
No, it doesn't.
I bet the post office is so excited that you're still, you're keeping the youngins using the post office.
For sure.
For sure.
Anything I can do.
Hey, folks, thanks so much for listening to our podcast.
We hope you have enjoyed yourself.
In two weeks, we're going to be in Florida and you better win it too.
Yeah.
So February 20th and 21st, we're going to be in Tampa doing my brother, my brother, and me on the 20th and Adventure Zone on the 21st.
It's our first ever Adventure Zone in Florida, so don't miss it.
February 22nd, we're doing My Brother, My Brother, and Me in Jacksonville.
For tickets and info, go to bit.ly slash McElroyTours.
Also, Champions Grove is coming up in May.
There's only four packages available.
We're playing some board games, table games.
You could do D ⁇ D with our guests, other games we're playing.
Meet new friends, explore the castle.
Explore yourself.
Explore yourself.
Emotionally, spiritually, explore your own limits.
ChampionsGraft.com.
That's where you can go get tickets.
Go check it out.
Bunch of merch up in the merch store, including a holographic dare-to-care sticker.
It's retro.
50% of the proceeds from that sticker will be donated to World Central Kitchen.
There's also a poetry corner bumper magnet.
Not a whole bumper for a car, but a magnet designed by Dana Wagner.
That's, of course, from
my other podcast, Wonderful, that I do with my wife, Rachel.
It's really rad.
Also, you can still get the VOD for Candle Nights 2024.
Pay what you want.
All proceeds go to Harmony House, and 10% of all merge proceeds this month will be donated to World Central Kitchen.
So macroemerch.com, go check it out.
Now, here's what's happened.
We're recording this the same day that the episode in which we announce that we want people to send the fears that they're going to overcome comes in.
So I need one of you boys to step up and share a fear.
A fear that I'm going to get over?
That you're going to be faster than this year.
Okay.
I'm going to stop being afraid that I'll let my kids down.
Oh, wait,
is that what you mean?
That's the kind of thing.
No, no, like I said, I was gonna say, I'm gonna stop being afraid that if I take more than one milligram of melatonin, I'll sleep all day because that is
a persistent fear, and I know that it makes sense.
I'm forgetting.
It's like the end of Army of Darkness.
If you take 180 pounds, there's like no way.
There's no way it's gonna make me sleep all day.
No way.
What happened?
Doctor, doctor, what happened?
I got really scared.
I woke up one milligrams.
I woke up one time after I took one and a half milligrams and I felt like I was hungover.
So I'm just gonna, but I'm not gonna be afraid of it anymore.
I'm just gonna like take one milligram.
That's a decent thing to not be afraid of, but to be like observant of.
Yeah, it's like I'm just stay observant at it.
Yeah.
Yeah, I'm gonna keep my head on a swivel.
My name is Justin McEroy.
I'm Travis McElroy.
Griffin McElroy.
This has been my brother, my brother.
May kiss your dad square on the lips.
It's better with you.
It's better, it's better with you.
It's better, it's better with you.
Cause it's true.
It's better, it's better with you.
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