MBMBaM 782: A Net Full of Screaming Butterflies

The McElroy brothers are not experts, and their advice should never be followed.

Travis insists he's a sexpert, but if there's a degree on his wall, I haven't seen it.

Also, this show isn't for kids, which I mention only so the babies out there will know how cool they are for listening.

What's up, you cool baby?

It's the start

of something beautiful.

A small acquaintance has glossed.

It's ripened into a precious friendship.

I could have never seen what was coming for me.

Hangs at the skate park, hangs by the beach.

My life,

it feels love.

It's better, it's better with you.

My life,

I,

it's better, it's better with you.

This is true.

It's better.

It's better with two.

I like all.

It's better with you.

Hello, everybody, and welcome to my brother, my brother, and me and Advice Show for the Modron era.

I'm your oldest brother, Justin McElroy.

I'm your middlest brother, Travis.

Big dog vroom, vroom, wolf, wolf, McElroy.

What's up, Trav Nation?

What's up, Trav Nation?

It's me, your sweet baby brother, Griffin McElroy.

This week,

it's always fun fun whenever there's something religious happening on TikTok.

Yeah, because

I get to become my wife's designated Protestant.

Yes.

And

she was really caught up in what she called rapture talk.

I don't know if anybody else did, but apparently a bunch of people, not a bunch, I don't know, some number of people thought the rapture was going to happen.

You guys heard about it.

Can you...

Can you Leno it?

Like, can you put a little Leno stink?

You guys hear about this?

You guys heard of this?

People thought the the rapture was going to happen last week.

It feels like every day someone thinks the rapture is going to happen.

This was a big one, dude.

This was a big one.

And a lot of people, like Justin said, and I'm not going to name names or say if I'm one of them, were pretty fucking stoked and are honestly

pretty disappointed.

Some of people,

some of people went to Wendy's and bought 30 hamburgers and ate 30 hamburgers because they thought they were going to leave their stupid body behind and shoot up into heaven and ascend.

So wait, wait, Griffin, I'm confused by this logic.

Was it to fuel the transition?

Was it to punish your body?

Was it like this doesn't mean anything?

No fuel needed.

From what I understood, again, from Christ talk was that he was going to handle most of the heavy lifting with the ascension.

I wouldn't need to like squeeze like

Kegel so hard that my soul shoots up and out.

Okay.

So, Griffin, I know that you were not following this incident,

this like sort of ongoing conversation.

So, I would like to ask you before I bias you with sort of like the conversation, right?

And I want to send jokes out of the room for a second.

I did not eat 30 hamburgers.

Thank you.

Thank you for clarifying.

Okay,

we can go back to jokes now.

We just need to check in on Griffin's constitution.

Based on the upbringing that you received in the church at Hylon Baptist Church, HBC,

what did you think was going to

happen in the rapture?

What was your, what is it like,

I mean, sending jokes out of the room for a second.

Yeah, I mean, rapture wasn't hit particularly hard at young Sunday school.

I will say, Mr.

Kirk Cameron did, I think, sort of popularize the idea

for a lot of us.

From what I understood, it would just be a kind of like, I would disappear and you guys would be,

you guys would be left behind.

Why would you assume that?

I got baptized.

I got baptized twice, Griffin.

Yeah.

If anyone's going up, it's this guy.

It's not a number.

It's not a quantity.

The fact that you got baptized twice actually kind of cheapens it a little bit.

I like the attention.

Yeah.

I literally told my wife that I read the book Left Behind.

And she looked at me like a moon man.

And it's like, hey, at my church, that is as close to sci-fi as you got at the library.

Man, that was thrilling.

That was a romp.

That was almost a romp.

And Kirk Cameron made it from Growing Pain's secular much.

So like, uh,

watch Ron.

Watch the judgement.

He was somebody the kids already loved because we love growing pain so much.

So I would disappear and you guys would be left behind and you'd have to, there'd be like a chip that would be implanted in your hand or a barcode or a barcode and you guys would be pretty bummed out.

But I, I don't, I wouldn't be, I wouldn't be there.

I guess I'd be in heaven and kicking it, but it didn't happen.

Well, and after a while, I think we get kind of general admission tickets to heaven.

After, I think, like seven years, it's like, yeah, you guys, you tried your best.

Yeah, but the scene will be so played at that point.

Like, you guys are going to get up there and you'll be like, Griffin, you're back.

I said, We're so happy to see you.

It's all worth the wait.

And I'll be like, Yeah, man.

And you'll be like, Let's go to the heaven, Rave.

I'll be like, oh, man, like, I've done that like a thousand times.

Like, the scene is played, dudes.

You missed it.

The distinction that you're drawing, the thing that you're describing is close to my understanding of what the biblical prediction of the rapture is.

And the thing that is, I think, that has most been codified in this sort of like

mass psychogenic event that's happening, you know, the people are thinking,

there's been, it's pretty much settled that people are going to be floating.

Sans clothes.

Huh.

The clothes drop.

Yeah.

And so there were several people sort of watching from their balconies to see if people started floating up and there was a lot of warnings to like make sure this is this is the one that i thought was make sure you weren't indoors yeah because

that would cause

because you would because it would start well you would just hit the ceiling i didn't know if it was like a fizzy lifting drinks kind of deal where you're like you hit the ceiling be like whoa charlie we can't and you have to like float your way to the door or if you just like rock it right the fuck through the ceiling.

You can get through the ceiling, but Jesus has got to give you an extra like hard tug to get it.

And it doesn't hurt

so much as it feels weird.

Embarrassing too.

Yeah, that's when the clothes pop off.

The clothes popping off is the other thing I want to talk about because if,

okay, I'm getting pulled up.

Awesome.

Love it.

Love it.

So stoked to get pulled up.

Yeah.

Stoked that a little surprised.

Sure.

Considering, but stoked.

Certain promises were made when we were children that we were not expecting.

Yeah, I did not think we're still good, man.

Because we've done

a lot of stuff since.

It's like finding an old Subway punch card, and you're like, Sure, I believe this is expired.

And then you take it in, and Subway's like, No, it's actually

honor this.

Yeah, it's like putting six G.I.

Joe UPCs on the counter of a speedway and they hand you a Sergeant Slaughter figure.

It's like, Well,

I never thought.

Anyway, wait, Pepsi points are real?

Pepsi points.

I did get the Harrier Jet.

I went.

If I went up and my clothes were on the ground,

am I just instantly okay with that?

And if so, am I still myself?

That's a great question.

Yeah.

My drip is part of me.

You're trying to absolutely part of you.

You can't leave the drip behind.

The amount of time it would take me to get over the fact that my phone was in my jeans as I'm like floating up.

I'm not saying I would never get over it, but I'm saying there is a period of time where I think, yeah, no, I'm glad I'm, I'm, I got in.

I got grandfathered in, I assume.

But my phone,

if there's not a little poof of purple dust where Travis's hair was, I would be furious because, like, that should not be permitted.

Does that count?

What about my glasses?

If the drip is left behind, you know what I mean?

Like, I don't, do I

kind of cool for the for the tribulation force getting to run around and pick up all that drip.

All that loot.

Oh,

all that loot.

I want to know.

If you want to dress like a Protestant.

fair point.

I want to know how I get pulled up so hard my clothes come off because my shirt's not going to go up through the top, right?

The only thing I can think is that it sort of goes ass up

and it does it so like face down, ass up, and all the clothes shoot downwards.

Is it like a banana peel?

Like you see in a cartoon, a monkey squeeze the banana real hard, the banana pops out of the top.

But my shirt's not going to go down me.

You know what I mean?

Your shirt would split open like a banana peel as you explode out of the top like a roman candle well then it's not the drip is not preemed for the people who who are left behind that's true i didn't even think what if you are instantly copied in your drip and you just have a special drip but it's but it's that one forever uh like a little bit of forewarning what if i'm in my what if i'm in my athleisure wear i don't want anyone to see me like that yeah Or if I've been doing a hard day's labor.

No, I've never done a hard day's labor in my life.

Let's not be.

uh this is an advice show you send us your questions you know we never mentioned this mbn bam at maximum fund.org how do we continue to get questions i don't know how we keep we we literally never tell people how to do that anymore that's how you do it yeah it's not like

magic make them real make them make them real

let's let makes a good question good question is you Wait, are you telling me that's a are you were you saying that was a good question that I asked you or what makes a good were you I don't want to confuse people the what you said was great but it's not a great example of a question for the show do you know

as the person who's almost exclusively sorted the questions for the last 15 years I'd love to hear you guys talk about what makes a good question

Weird energy?

No, no, no, because I've been selecting them for 15 years and I have no idea.

But you heard the confrontational tone.

It had a confrontational tone.

I have a hard time saying this here.

I don't know what to tell you.

Two ears and one mouth.

A lot of people forget that.

I don't understand what that means.

One brain, too.

Three eyes.

Whoa.

So I don't know.

11 senses.

Okay.

Unique.

Not about office or dating.

We don't, we're out of that.

We're so far out, guys.

And real.

Dogs.

Not a funny story that happened to you one time.

I like those, but they aren't very rich for us to discuss.

How do I trick someone into something is also like

I don't like to do tricks anymore.

Our trick days are behind us.

I recently got a unicycle.

I never rode a good fucking start.

Yeah.

I've never rode a unicycle before.

I'm trying to keep it a secret from my friends so someday while we're hanging out, I can just hop on the unicycle out of nowhere and be a pro at it.

Sure.

That is,

okay.

We'll come back to it, but that's the only thought that's ever motivated anyone in any hobby ever.

Okay, the problem is it's extremely hard to learn to unicycle in a tiny dorm room and my friends live right next door dear brothers how can i secretly learn to unicycle that's from sneaky cyclists in lincoln nebraska there is an additional problem here where if you want to suddenly do it out of nowhere you're going to have to camouflage the unicycle in such a way because it's not like you can hide it in your pocket and break it you're walking up to wherever your friend group is with a unicycle the the only the only way i can think to do that is to buy two unicycles and kind of tie them together when you store them so that they look like

well a pretty fucked up bike honestly you know you would have a bicycle and have like the back and front end yeah so that they would kind of stick on to the unicycle and then oh no my bike broke i'll just try this that's the pressure before

Before you decide that you're going to do it, try to think through the best version of it working, right?

I feel like in the best version of of it working, somehow you've played it a unicycle.

You're like, oh, sweet unicycle.

And then you hop on it and you're like, whoa, I got it.

And then your friends are like, amazed.

Yeah.

And then what?

No,

your friends are like, no, no, seriously.

And then you're like, haha.

I've been learning it in secret for months.

Yeah, you can't.

Just for this.

No, drums get a little cooler.

There's a step that you missed, and it's part of the hustle, right?

Sorry, I don't know how to get off.

It's one wheel.

You can just kind of...

Somebody catch me.

Just stretch your legs out.

When...

Okay, first of all, Justin, that presupposes that they have spent all this time learning to ride a unicycle in private, but never learned to dismount the unicycle in private.

That's the hardest part.

Was it Travis?

He's doing jokes.

That part was a joke.

Okay.

God!

Here's the first part of the hustle that you need.

When, whatever the unicycle deployment is, the first, you're like, I've always wanted to try unicycling and it goes poorly the first time.

And then you say, let me try one more time.

And now suddenly it's like, whoa, you're a natural.

Right.

Right.

And then it's like, I guess I just, God decided.

You're like, this person is destined to unicycle.

Everything about them is designed to be a natural at this.

I feel like unicycle.

Can you guys think of any other means of conveyance that communicates so much about the conveyance?

Penny farthing.

Big penny farthing.

But if I see somebody on a unicycle and I see somebody on a penny farthing and they're about to fight,

they're about to have an okay twisted metal style battle.

No, but wait.

Okay, now hold on.

If you see someone on a penny farthing,

they could be time traveler insane museum guy.

Give me one of three or all three.

All three.

Three insane farming.

They could be all three.

They could be two of the three.

Yeah, for sure.

If you're on a unicycle,

there's one kind of guy.

You know what I mean?

It's just the one kind of person on a unicycle.

They do make electric unicycles now that balance themselves out.

And you look like a fucking Mega Man enemy when you do ride one of those around.

That's how we do.

They do not make electric penny farthings as far as I know.

Yeah.

I don't think they're OSHA compliant.

You have to be so unnecessarily high up on those things.

I have seen people on unicycles, and I would equate this too with like the one-wheel like hoverboard things.

Yes.

Where there is, we talk about the practicing of the skill, but not the practicing of the extreme look of nonchalance one must have to ride them as if like, yeah, I'm bored.

doing that.

Dude, and it's so easy.

And I don't even know.

It's so easy to do that on a unicycle because it requires so so little of your body to function.

You can really

top half, just

whatever.

Don't have some big reveal.

Just do it around town until one of your friends sees you and you'd be like, oh, yeah, I unicycle.

I'm quite proficient.

That's a chill reveal, not making a big flashy show of it.

That's how you really get down in your fucking friends' brains.

That's how you get in there.

Have you guys ever seen somebody on one of those one-wheel hoverboards going full speed, just going like, whoa,

yay.

I saw somebody drop off their kid who was on an electric scooter at Henry's school.

And then he was like, bye, bye, son, and then fucking zooted out of there on his single, single-wheel electric skateboard.

And I thought, that's that, you should be the principal.

You should get to be the principal when you're that cool at being, being a parent.

I have another question.

I want to become one of those ladies with a bunch of cool art in her yard, like kinetic sculptures made out of forks and wine bottle sun catchers.

Is there a graceful way to make the transition from boring lawn to art yard?

Should I rip the band-aid and just put out a bunch of pieces overnight?

Or should I start gradually with one weird sculpture in the lawn?

That's from Artless in Massachusetts.

I want this.

I want this too.

Everyone kind of wants this when you walk past a yard and it's got like a bunch of art and pretty stained glass creations and also like a bunch of wildflowers that just like butterflies are on.

And you're like, how do you fucking, you, how do you do that, Miss Honey?

How do you have that Miss Honey ass yard?

That's crazy.

I did like a chaos, you know, wildflower portion on my front yard.

And the secret that they don't tell you, Griffin, is there's a solid like month and a half where it's just bare dirt looks like shit.

Yeah.

Right.

Where it's just like...

Oh, that guy gave up on that part of the yard.

That's what the art is for.

You put the art there and it's like a placeholder for this, for the stuff.

It's the idea that if you put the art in, you can't mow there anymore.

So then it becomes a wild.

Oh, that's cool.

Yeah.

I didn't think about that.

I don't know.

That's art's problem.

And then eventually the yard swallows up the art.

As when we are all raptured, eventually nature will reclaim all the art.

Yeah, as it will.

I don't think nature would want all of the art.

I've seen some art.

I don't think nature will.

Justin, list off five pieces of art that you think nature wouldn't want.

Dungeon Crawler Carl.

Hey, fuck off.

How dare you say that was targeted?

That was targeted.

It was just the first thing that sprang a mind, Travis.

Nature would love that book series.

I mean, I have a I think nature aborts a vacuum, so that's true.

I have a bad idea.

Oh, good.

And it's going to be hard to do, but if you

just start showing up to the house with like a friend who's wearing like tiny little glasses and a black turtleneck, and you say like, oh, this is, oh, this, this is Damien.

Damien's going to start living here now.

And have Damien be sort of like very quiet and reserved, but clearly like an artistic, beautiful mind.

And then when the stuff starts showing up in the yard, you can really slow roll it.

No one's going to think like, have you lost the plot?

Why are you putting so much shit in your yard?

You can be like, oh, that's Damien.

He's needs, he says he eats the art and he needs to be around it to live.

Hey, Griffin, as you're describing Damien, there's a 50-50 chance he turns out to also be a serial killer no he's not in this imagine why would you even introduce that in this future you just said he needs to eat the art yeah but not really like eat it like experience it and damien needs consume it is maybe a better word consume it

yeah i got it i got it from demon tongue i did a mix him up um but damien loves art and he needs it or he he'll die he gets sick without it and you tell that to your neighbors and then no one's going to ask any questions.

It's all Damien.

You start practical, right?

That's why bird baths people love.

Birds do not need to take a bath.

They don't.

They're fine.

I've never seen a bird looking around for a bird bath.

Never been around a bird and been like, that bird stinks.

Big bird probably.

Big bird probably gets funny.

There's no way.

How dare you?

Not the big bird, but big birds.

Big bird probably gets

a big bird.

He gets funky.

uh, well, you put it out there, but you pretend it's practical, right?

Like, oh, this, I have to for the birds, right?

And then you put out maybe wind chimes is another one.

Like, well, I love the sound, and then you put out eight, and then it's like too late.

I mean, I know this isn't practical at this point, but I've already put so many out, nobody could judge.

That's how you ease into it in their heads.

They're like, Well, I guess they had some reason for it.

They put out the one bird bath, and I was very well-grounded in bird hygiene.

I like the idea of sneaking out at like 2 a.m.

when the neighborhood's asleep and just putting up like 30 different like recycled glass bottle arts and like, there's a, it's a statue of a rooster, right?

And then waking up in the morning and be like, yep, this is how I've always imagined it.

Yep.

No, or you come out the next morning and you're like, what the fuck?

These fucking kids.

That's, you know what?

I'm not even going to take it down this time.

That'll show them.

Yeah.

And then, and then you just got to make sure enough neighbors see that little skit.

Do it every 15 minutes as they leave for work.

Exactly.

I mean, maybe you have a neighborhood like Facebook group and you say, like, come out at noon.

I'm going to do my skit.

Hey, everyone, it's noon.

Everyone, I've got a skit.

Marcy,

Marcy down the street has a groceries skit that she's been working on.

She's excited about.

If you have a Facebook group, then you don't need the skit.

Then you can put a post in the Facebook group that is like announcement to local jerks.

Or fully stop putting all this stuff in my yard.

You could do a fully filmed like YouTube short.

Yeah.

Like that you post in there of you coming out and chasing the kids off.

And then maybe from the kids' perspective, as they're like, I think they seem, listen, they're mad at me now, but they seem like someone who wants art in their yard.

This is a service we're providing.

And then it cuts back to you.

And now you're doing an unboxing video.

Yeah.

And this has been your kind of slow transition into I'm an art yard person and i want to do unboxing videos yeah the wind chimes would be the only thing for me i do think there should be a government mandated limit on how many wind chimes you because now that's you can the art in your yard it looks cool and i'm glad it's there and it looks great and a set of wind chimes blowing in the breeze lovely eight eight wind chimes as justin conjured up Too many wind chimes.

Don't want to be inside my house watching America's Next Dancer and hearing a clanging and clanging of a pipe organ falling down a set of windy stairs.

I don't know if this is pervasive in other cultures, but I know here in the U.S.,

I have been trained by movies and TV shows that the sound of a whim chime

heralds some terrible oncoming supernatural force.

Yeah.

I've never heard a whim chime in though.

I'm in the mood today, man.

I'm going to be very like October is just around the corner, I guess, but Travis is already in the world.

Well,

a state of fear.

It's great that you're saying that while your own little face is poking up from the bottom of the bottom, Travis, can you like look to the look to your left?

No, no, it just works better to discuss your head.

That's good shit.

Can you get one bigger you to take a picture of that and then wear a t-shirt?

That's awesome.

Don't act like I wouldn't do that.

You know me.

You definitely wouldn't.

You definitely would.

I wish that this shirt was just three knees on that.

That's interesting, Trav.

Where do you get yard art except for, I guess, like

World Market or whatever?

Yeah.

Epcot.

Epcot, you get yard art?

Just at Epcot.

Yeah, you got to go.

That's how you get authentic stuff because you can get things at Walmart or Target that look like they're from another country.

Yeah.

Or you could go to Epcot, the World Pavilion, and get stuff that's actually from other countries.

And I think that's where the wind, most wind chimes I do feel like come from

Epcot.

Yeah.

Okay.

One time, Rachel and I went to Fredericksburg, Texas for a romantic getaway.

And on our way there, we went to like a

art store and there was a place that had mosaic tile pigs.

And I was like, those fucking rule.

But I was like, I can't buy that.

That's not me.

I don't have an art yard.

And so we went on the trip and did some beautiful hiking, went to a couple of wineries.

It was very lovely.

But the whole time, you know what I was thinking about was the mosaic pig that I didn't buy.

And so on the way back to Austin, I did make sure we made a pit stop so I could buy the mosaic pig.

And his leg broke off very quickly and he died.

Oh no.

Let that be a lesson to you all.

You miss 100% of the pigs you die.

If you see a cool yard art thing, do not fucking hesitate to grab it because there's no guarantee it's going to come back into your life again.

You can be who you want to be.

I feel like Portuguese are a good conduit to this too.

I know people love

What do the Portuguese have to do with this, Justin?

Sorry, Travis, that's an incredible turn of phrase, like genuinely impressed.

Not in a funny way, but in like a

yeah, thank you.

Like an omnipotent wild level wit kind of thing.

I was trying to tell if it was like if it was like offensive, but it was like these words.

These words sound like things.

No, but people here love the concrete geese.

People love.

And I feel like maybe that's a good entry point.

Because if you put one out, it's like charming, and then they could just replicate overnight.

There's 30, you know, and it's no big now.

you do run the risk, and we get questions like this all the time: where if you start having an art yard,

your family and friends are going to be like, Great, every present for the rest of their life sorted.

Here's another windmill, here's a thing of bottles hanging down.

What I think sucks is that all yard art kind of subscribes to like a few different things, which is like functional bird furniture or,

you know, a mosaic sort of tile thing, sturdy pieces, uh wind chimes what have you and they don't do like all kinds of art like what if what if your decoration style is just like uh like busts of your favorite comic book and anime characters yeah why isn't why don't we get big ones of those for the front yard that's please and weather resistant do you think there's like a captain america lawn

on decor you could go with yes please probably

that might send a message you're not ready for go with Deadpool.

I think Deadpool is a great thing.

Deadpool sends a great Captain America, but he's holding the shield upside down.

It's full of water.

And who's in the shield?

It's birds.

They're taking your shoes.

That's amazing.

Can I tell you a bird bath of Captain America's shield?

I would buy that right.

Hold on.

Let me see here.

Captain, I'm about to get rich.

Kiss this podcast shit.

Goodbye, guys.

Captain America and

Shield.

Bird.

I would also love a Thor lightning rod to put on top of of my house where he's holding

and like lightning strikes that instead of my house.

It would be great.

Yeah.

Naruto.

I was trying to Google it and I actually typed it in chat GPT and I was making it.

No, it's making it.

Yeah, they're making them now.

Turns out AI was a mistake.

Ah,

ah.

Let's go to the money time.

All right.

Tick tock, Zock Doc, clock.

What?

That's cool, man.

TikTok, Zock Doc, clock.

Nice.

That's my.

I was just thinking, like, we should do another Django.

We haven't done Django.

I think Zock Doc has proven themselves worthy.

I mean,

but there is, in this case, this, I will say, Trev, in this case, there is a Zock Doc sound that they play.

Watch this.

I am going to play it right now.

that was how it seems like how did you fucking do that dude I did not know that

I do it with my tongue like this

whoa yeah you know

if you if you need a doctor that can be really overwhelming I have a doctor in my house and I still have trouble finding her sometimes so

when I can't find my wife I turn to Zock Doc

Sometimes there's 30 to 40 wives in my house and I can't tell which one is a licensed physician yeah that I am married to so when I have to find a doctor who i'm also married to zock doc no zoch doc no i don't zock doc doesn't do that zoch doc doesn't do that what they do is they help you find the right physician for whatever you got going on you need to see somebody you want to change providers you're in a new area that's so overwhelming to find uh the right physician for you i i still struggle with it and i like i said i'm i'm married to a doctor and i still have to deal with this but zoch doc makes it really really easy they got doctors for everything these days you guys hear about this doctors for everything it's It's not just somebody with a black bag that shows up at your house and says, Yeah, doing good, Mr.

McAray.

And they gives you a lollipop.

I had to get an appointment with the sleep doctor because I got a big tongue that makes you sleep bad.

That's the thing you got to go to doctors for.

Do you guys even know?

You're not going to.

Listen, if you have something that embarrassing going on, you want a doctor who's discreet and professional

and will probably tell you what you want to hear.

And you can search by those filters, I bet, on Zock Doc.

I don't know all the different filters they have, but like, this is the way to find a physician with Zock Doc.

I filled out my whole zoo crew here in DC with ZocDoc.com.

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Stop putting off those doctors' appointments and go to zocdoc.com/slash my brother to find and instantly book a top-rated doctor today.

That's z-oc-d-oc-c.com/slash my brother, zoc.com slash

my brother.

I was still at the one yard.

I was still

at the column at the end.

I said it all right.

I just said it slow.

The first one, I saw you kind of stumble like a gymnast on the balance.

One more word, and I will make the Sonic logo at you again.

I will play the Zock Doc sound with my mouth.

That's our new no-no can't is the Zock Doc Sonic logo.

Now everybody knows that the greatest generation has always been Max Fun's go-to podcast for old Star Trek recaps.

But what my theory presupposes is, what if it isn't?

In a shocking turn of events, Greatest Trek, the comedy podcast covering New Trek, has gone through a temporal wormhole back to the very beginning.

Because we are now reviewing Star Trek the original series.

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Yes, that sounded really bad.

I gotta try again.

I'm gonna hear that.

Yeah, yeah.

Clean.

Ooh, that's kind of like a

hammer on.

I wanna munch.

Squad.

I want to munch.

Squad.

Welcome to Munch Squad.

It's a podcast within a podcast profiling the latest and greatest of brand eating.

You know, we don't talk about White Castle enough, even though it holds a distinction in many historians' eyes as one of the first fast food restaurants.

Dad talks about it a lot.

It's a template that we almost follow.

So one could argue that as goes White Castle, so goes the world.

And I

could, I don't know how one would even start that argument.

One could.

But should one.

No.

Must one.

White Castle rolls out pumpkin latte cheesecake on a stick.

Triple cheese tots and BBQ pulled pork slider.

But not all together, right?

Not at the same time,

certainly.

There's no combo meal.

This is the first sentence of this press release, and I'm.

It has been a busy month at White Castle.

Good.

Thanks for the update.

Cool.

I like it.

I like it.

I like a fucking, I like a press release for a fast food place that sounds like a tales from Lake Wobegon.

Like, I'm great.

Old Derek

making the fries again.

The iconic family-owned fast food business has expanded its menu with three brand new, limited-time-only editions and launched the newest iteration of its customer loyalty program, Craver Nation Rewards.

Awesome.

Huh.

So good, man.

Craver Nation is good.

If you guys haven't said Craver Nation

is awesome.

Craver Nation.

It's very good.

It's also giving me.

I didn't know I could do rewards for Trav Nation people.

And now I think

I could set up like a Pepsi point style thing where when you buy it.

Do you have enough hacky sacks to distribute for that, though?

Because if you don't have enough hacky sacks, I would advise

a hacky sack wholesaler here in town that I can work with.

Here's a subhead.

Holatte cheese.

What's the major point?

Whole latte cheese.

Hole latte cheese.

Whole latte cheese.

Pumpkin spice season has officially jumped the mug and landed on a stick.

That's crazy.

You guys can't say that it skipped the mug.

It's clearly not true.

Jumped the mug and landed on a stick.

Are they going for jump the shark?

I don't know, man.

Because they thought like

you're not.

Jump the shark isn't like, yeah, it was in the shark and it jumped out.

Well, and also that sentence is saying, Starbucks didn't do it this year, so it's on a stick now here at White Castle.

A whole lot of

cheese.

I mean, like,

here's what I will say: if I cannot derive meaning from this sentence, no human being can.

Yeah, like, I'm a professional.

I do this for a living.

I don't know what they are saying.

Riding the wave of America's pumpkin spice obsession.

Right.

Whoa.

Yeah.

Whoa, it's 2006.

Yo.

Whoa.

This crusty ass wave is renting the car.

Whoa!

You are riding the wave.

Riding the wave of America's pumpkin spice obsession.

White Castle is rolling out the brand new pumpkin latte cheesecake dessert on a stick.

I'm glad they had to specify it is a dessert and not part of the

secunde corner.

Hors d'oeuvre.

Yeah.

Amouche bouche.

There's also so many words in there.

Like, it couldn't just be pumpkin spice cheesecake on a stick.

They were like, that doesn't convey the full depth of flavor.

Pumpkin spice latte.

Should we make sure they know that it's dessert on a stick and not just, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

Yeah, otherwise they'd be surprised when it's on a stick.

It is a bold twist on Fall's most talked about flavor.

Rich, creamy cheesecake is blended with the cozy warmth of pumpkin spice and the bold kick of coffee, then finished with a graham cracker crust for just the right touch of sweetness it's not finished yet i know it's not finished yet there is another step another thing's going in there and it is a sticky

stick i'm sorry to break it to you i don't think you guys made up pumpkin spice cheesecake i don't think this is a bold as bold and new an innovation

yeah

yeah

But I don't think that that's a bold new innovation.

Triple cheese tots are another cheese-based addition to the menu.

Huh.

Infused.

Yeah, this is the same lunatic that just wrote the earlier stuff about jumping the mug, and now they're back in control.

I guess the.

I don't know.

The triple cheese tots are another cheese-based addition to the menu.

Infused with bits of cheddar, Colby Jack, and mozzarella cheese.

The triple cheese tots up the ante on the deliciousness of classic tater tots.

I don't historically think of tater tots as being an infusible material.

Right?

I also would argue that once one has put triple the cheese in there, are they even tots anymore?

I do love

the imagery of like a James Bond high-class poker game where someone has been like tater tots and James Bond like, I'll up the ante triple cheese tater tots.

I'll see your tots and raise vicarage.

Mr.

Bond, I didn't know you like to live so cheesily.

It is, Travis, it is like you wonder about right that, like, writing is not, does not happen in a vacuum.

What is, why are we using poker metaphors here what is what is being like what steaks are we are we playing with i didn't know there were other tot-based businesses that are now going to feel called out by like they've done it god damn it i thought we all agreed Single.

We're excited to welcome both of these crave-worthy treats to the menu, said Jamie Richardson, vice president at White Castle.

The new pumpkin latte cheesecake dessert on the stick is the perfect treat for autumn.

Blending the coziness of a pumpkin spice latte with the luscious texture of classic cheesecake the triple cheese tots are proof that three cheeses are better than one wait they're the ultimate cheesy there was no there was no combo there was no missing

we're missing a participle there was a hanging participle a hanging chat on that sentence that was

bewirler guys this is unedited can i also point out that they have now described the pumpkin spice latte cheesecake several times without addressing the on a stick stick part.

Yeah, they won't talk about the stick.

Yeah, it's a creamy blend of fall favorite on a stick.

And you're really gonna love it.

It's on a stick.

Yeah, it's work, like words don't work this way, but it feels like on a stick has been CGI'd in somehow.

Like they got it imposed.

Yeah, on a stick wasn't able to make it to Family Photo Day.

So we photoshopped on a stick over dad's shoulder.

Accepting the award for in a normal container this this evening will be on a stick.

If they have what a wow, it's so wild to be here.

I didn't expect.

I wish they had the courage of their convictions to put out a commercial of just what it looks like when a human being eats one of these things.

Because I bet you do look like some sort of runaway like dog man experiment, just slobbing, slopping, sloping cheesecake off of the cobb.

I'm just picturing, imagine you have a friend over at your home and you're like, hey, do you want a piece of cheesecake?

And they're like, Yeah, I'd love that.

And you start to hand them a fork, and they're like, No, I've got it.

And they pull a tongue depressor out of their pocket and jam it into the ass of the cheesecake and just start going to town.

I would worry about them.

Yeah, never leave home without it.

Oh, we do have, you might just want to see.

I have a photo here if you'd like to see,

just to demonstrate exactly what we're dealing with.

Hold on.

Oh, okay.

Oh, boy.

So it's like not,

so it's not corn dog shaped.

They haven't rolled it into like an easier.

So it is just a sort of wedge of cheesecake that's that does have.

I'm Travis got it in one.

It does look like a tongue depressor shovel.

A tongue depressor.

The wide end, the rounded end.

Yeah.

Yeah.

It's a tongue depressor.

How do I, I guess the eating of it in my car is made easier by that.

But am I meant to drive away from the drive-through holding it?

Thank you.

Yeah, there's no getting this thing home.

There's no box.

Justin, sign up for the newsletter.

You have to open your mouth and they just pop it in.

Yeah.

Okay, thank you.

Take it to go.

The release continues talking about the BBQ pulled pork slider.

I forgot about him.

Yeah, man.

That's the most norm, the most mid of all these.

It's

smoked with all-natural hickory wood and blended with just the right amount of specially seasoned sweet BBQ sauce.

The The BBQ pulled pork slider is everything cravers love about White Castle, including one-of-a-kind flavor, high-quality ingredients, and unbeatable value, all in one handheld masterpiece.

So barbecue is a one-of-a-kind flavor.

I can't give that anywhere else.

The sweet, smoky, and savory profile is a celebration of flavor that brings something entirely new to the castle while staying true to what we do best,

satisfying the crave.

And I don't know if you heard, Travis, they put just the right amount of sauce on it.

So it's not too much or too much.

That is also what we do best.

Yeah.

Satisfy the crave.

I would love to visit like a city I'm not familiar with.

I'm hanging out with like my friend Todd.

And I'm like, Todd, I've got such a craving for barbecue.

What's the best barbecue in town?

And he's like, oh, man.

White Castle.

If you want barbecue, there's no place like White Castle.

We haven't had it yet.

It might, might, I always reserve, except for the cheesecake on a stick, I'm going to say pretty authoritatively, I'm not interested in that eating experience.

The barbecue might be lit.

I don't know.

There's extra cheesy tater tots, so I'm not looking forward to that bathroom experience afterwards.

No.

Travis, I never do this, but I'm actually would like to bring you in.

as a special reporter.

I'm just going to text you the rest of this press release because it's going to start to feel made up.

I feel like if I do, I don't know if I'm going to be able to get through it.

And I'm already feeling pretty.

Yeah, I need you to, I need you.

I'm just going to,

I need you to describe this to Griffin because Griffin's going to think I'm fucking with it.

And you're texting it to me on my cellular device.

It's on Slack.

It's on Slack.

Slack to tea, baby.

Craver Nation Rewards.

We go now live to Travis McEroy, special correspondent.

I'm just go ahead.

I'm excited for this opportunity.

Craver Nation Rewards members rack up on flavor and savings.

White Castle recently announced the start of season two of its Craver Nation Rewards program, the loyalty experience that turns saving money into a game.

Craver Nation Rewards debuted in 2024 with overwhelming success, growing active members by 25% and doubling loyalty transactions in its first year.

Now, with season two,

Cravers everywhere are

invited to, quote, level up your cravings

as they embark on a new journey filled with fresh quests richer perks and more exclusive offers i mean

finally

guys you should know what's happening white castle's getting fucking real about the fact that it takes place in a castle if this is going to be the larping food place i'm in absolutely yes craver nation rewards has already transformed the way we connect with our cravers by turning every order into an adventure richardson said with season two, the journey gets even more exciting.

More quests, more rewards, and more ways to celebrate the crave.

Now, this is capital, this is capital C, which makes me think that there is maybe a powerful wizard at play here or a curse.

I'm trying to honestly decide if I walked into a white castle and the expected customer service experience was

the Yarl or whatever being like, Dovakin, the Crave has, the

Crave Dragon

has appeared in the mountain to the east, and you want the new Cheesy Tots and the thing on a stick, the Cheesecake on a stick?

Yeah, absolutely.

Got you.

Quest complete.

And you're rewarding.

Here's 50 Crave Coins.

Here's 50 Crave Coins.

You guys are already getting amped, huh?

I'm getting fucking stuck.

But I am pre-amped too.

I don't know that I want to have that.

I don't want to interface with another human being in that way, but I want to have that

available to me.

Joining Craver Nation Rewards is free and easy.

Simply download the official White Castle app, sign up, and enjoy an instant welcome offer of $5 off your first mobile order.

To celebrate the launch, Cravers, who ordered between now and September 30th will score 50 bonus points.

Okay.

So it's all in app.

So this is more of an AR kind of quest and

journey.

I throw on the meta ray bands, which looks so fucking cool, by the way.

We're going to

God damn, those things look so cool, and you know they're doing cool stuff while riding them.

And it makes the White Castle look like a real magic fantasy castle, and the person at the register look like a dragon.

That sounds cool, White Castle.

Make that.

Make that.

Couldn't be too hard.

Here's another question.

Oh, please.

I take frequent walks around my neighborhood.

Recently, I got in the habit of taking pictures with my phone of plants and animals for for the website iNaturalist, a citizen science platform.

It's really cool and fun.

This isn't an ad, by the way.

I started to worry that you might think it's an ad listener, but it's not an ad.

We also, that wasn't an ad for White Castle either.

We're not, yeah,

we have never been paid for all the free promotion we've given.

Yeah.

But I've run into a problem, which is that things I want to take pics of are often either fully within a stranger's yard or in such a position that it could look like I was taking a picture of a random person's house, like with birds on power lines.

How do I take pictures of these plants and animals without making it look like I'm taking pictures of my neighbor's houses without getting weird looks or questions about what I'm doing?

I've missed out on so many sweet butterfly and bird shots.

That's from Juking Judgment in Georgia.

I rarely do this.

Okay.

Because I know it's not the best energy to bring to the show, but you can't.

Oh, there's no way to cloak this action,

this behavior, that will not intensify the danger of getting caught.

There is no amount of subtlety you could employ because if I see you outside my house taking a picture with your phone, my hackles go up.

If I see you outside of my house discreetly, like you're checking your watch, but you're taking a picture of my phone, that's bad news, Bears.

That's way, way, way worse.

I agree.

The effort to look discreet is

not more suspicious.

This is why what you must do is the opposite of cloaking it.

You need, I'm saying maybe one of these maneuvers, like you see where you're like holding up your finger framing the shot.

Okay.

Maybe you have like a DSLR camera with a zoom.

You're wearing a Safari helmet.

All bad ideas.

The Safari helmet fucks.

That's the one good of the things you had, that's the one that fucks.

Because if I see a stranger outside my house taking pictures in my house, no good.

If I see it, but they're wearing a Safari helmet, I'm like,

they're on their own.

Maybe they're doing a White Castle quest.

Like, I don't know what their journey, what their journey is, but I can't be ill into it.

If you're taking a picture of a little bug on a leaf, get down on its level.

If I look outside and someone's laying on the ground taking a picture of a flower with a bug on it, I'm not worried they're taking pictures of me.

Yeah.

I'm not a bug on a leaf.

Better or worse, let me get a gut check from you too.

Better or worse, they walk up, knock on the door.

Someone knocks on your door, rings the doorbell, you answer it.

And you say, yeah, can I help you?

And I realize this is already a fantasy story because I don't know if you would answer it, but you've answered it and you're like, can I help you?

And they're like, I saw this really cool bug on a leaf out in your yard.

May I please go snap it?

Is that better or worse than them just doing it discreetly outside?

Okay, so I'm thinking about it.

If I'm a homeowner,

I think my genuine reaction in my, I mean, like, obviously what I'm going to say is, yeah, oh, absolutely, you know, knock yourself out.

In my head, I'm going to think, what the hell is wrong with you?

I'm like, why did you ask?

That's so weird.

Just take a picture.

Just do it.

Yeah.

Would it be better?

Would it be better if they did it and came up and knocked on the door?

You answered it.

Again, you wouldn't, but assuming you answered it and they're like, hi, I just took a picture of a cool bug on a leaf in your yard and I'm really sorry.

And then they walk away.

Then you're not having to give them sort of permission.

They're just informing you like, yeah, I'm not robbing.

Forgiveness.

Yeah.

And that can feel good too.

Would a sign help if they were holding up a sign that said nature photographer while they took pictures of things?

Yeah.

Oh, oh, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay.

What if you, if you have more than one thing,

that's a hobbyist, right?

So the one you're taking pictures on your phone, yes, okay.

Do you have a notebook?

Yes.

Do you have binoculars?

These are all things.

Wait, Justin, these are still all private.

No, no, no.

This is all really good stuff, Travis.

Sunscreen, a little line of sunscreen on the note.

Sunscreen right here, right?

Water bottle, Big water bottle.

Yeah.

Okay.

Maybe a safari helmet.

What about the backpack that's a water thing?

That's cute.

Yes.

Yes.

That's somebody who's going to be outside for so long, they can't be doing anything bad with the picture.

What about

a butterfly net?

Butterfly nets, we're pushing it.

A safari helmet has turned on me a little bit because it feels a little cost-umy.

Now it's gone back around to, oh, this is a fucking ruse to take pictures of my house discreetly.

The other shit is like, oh, well, they might just need the butterfly net for their bug.

I don't know how big I would need.

I don't know how small I would need the butterfly.

I think a butterfly net.

I think the butterfly net, the size of it,

the problem is it's big enough to catch a butterfly comfortably.

At 20 yards, that might be a man net.

Yeah, it might be like the child catcher in Babes and Tor.

Or chitty chitty bang bang.

I'm not sure if it's like a big sack over your bag.

You know what I mean?

It's full of screaming butterflies.

Right.

Exactly.

No, honey, don't go outside.

The Lepidopteris is here.

This is why they got to start selling those cranking cameras again.

Yeah.

Yeah.

The cranking guys.

That, that, you're not being discreet.

You're being very obvious.

It's too.

All photography is so discreet.

Ooh.

What if the drape over the back that we loved in the old

daguerreotype days?

You hold up the flash thing where you got a big stick and a big powder.

I want them to bring that back because I don't know when I'm at a big fancy thing like the launching of the Titanic without a big flash bulb going on.

When to smile.

I know.

Yeah.

That's so embarrassing.

Do you think at this point, by the way, I was thinking about it as I accidentally activated my flash.

Is that the point of the flash anymore is just to have something to turn off?

Do you think we are using?

Do you think that when the flash has been triggered in the past five years, it's more often been

a cause of someone saying, ah, fuck.

Damn it.

Oh, shit.

Yeah, absolutely.

Absolutely.

Bugnet's cool.

Bugnet might be the move, dude.

I would love to have a bug net with me.

Do you guys, you guys don't have them spotted lanternflies yet, do you?

Because we got them like a plague over here.

I think

you're supposed to kill them because they, otherwise, they eat all the trees.

They're like invasive.

So you're supposed to gush them when you see them.

But here's the problem, gang.

They make a big Hakuna Matata style gooey mess when you goosh them.

And so, like,

there there is a, there is a, I don't want to, like, I understand it's my duty as an, as an American citizen.

I mean, I live in D.C., so it's, like, kind of up in the air whether or not I am or not.

But I don't want to get my shoes all like Hakuna Matadi, Hakuna Matadi.

I don't blame you.

You need bug squishing shoes.

Yeah.

Yeah.

That's what Crocs are for, baby.

Or a gun or a salt gun.

I do have, I do have the salt blaster, and that's effective, but that's not a cool look.

Sorry, not a salt gun.

A

gun

for

salt

on

bugs.

A gun for assault on bugs.

Salt.

Sodium chloride.

There we go.

Table.

ACL.

Granular.

And Portuguese sounds like Portuguese.

I don't know if that was clear.

Pump, blast, no more bug.

Can't bring in public.

Can I do salt?

Does salt get them?

Salt gets anything, dude.

Man alive, this thing is a, it is an effective tool.

It's so good, it makes me feel pretty guilty anytime I do have to employ it to keep my family safe.

I wish it was that easy to get stink bugs.

I'm about to have to start fighting with the stink bugs because they hate it when it gets cold.

Oh, yeah, man.

Live with me.

And the only trap that really works for stink bugs is you got to make a basically a pool for them.

And then you have to get lights on the pool that's just special.

Like you have to specially, dramatically light the pool.

And then you got to, then you got to hope that these guys go into this pool and they just don't crazy.

That's crazy.

That's how you gotta get them.

And in the morning, you dump that out.

I just let them hang out.

It becomes a fun game where my kids are.

Oh, I don't fight them anymore.

Yeah, I don't want to.

I don't want to do that anymore.

It's fine.

They can hang until they find a better spot.

Yeah.

Thank you so much.

Hey, thanks for listening to our podcast.

Do you want to come see us live?

You can.

Okay.

For you, it's an option if you're someone who can get to Salt Lake City on October 17th or to San Diego on October 18th and 19th.

Oh, the Adventure Zone show we're doing is going to be a very special.

It's our 50th TAS live show.

So we'll be doing a balance live show for the first time in a long time with special guest Erica Ishii.

And Griffin's going to GM it.

It's going to be a wild, wild time.

Tickets for all those shows are available now.

You can go to bit.ly slash MacroyTours for all the information and ticket links.

Also, Champions Grove is coming back for year three.

We're doing it in Memorial Day weekend of 2026.

Tickets are going on sale the first week of November.

Those tickets will be packages for two to four people to attend.

All the information is at championsgrove.com, or you can follow Champions Grove on Instagram for all the information.

And there's a new season of Mine and Teresa's Great British Bake Off watch-along discussion podcast, Bake On.

This is a wild season so far.

Pretty wild, man.

Yeah, you can find Bake On wherever podcasts are found.

We got some new merch.

It's going to be up in the merch store on Wednesday at the start of the new month.

There's a Taz Hunger beanie that looks so rad.

And 10% of all our merch proceeds in the month of October will be donated to Border Angels, whose services include educational programs, water drops in the desert, day laborer outreach, Familius Reunitus Immigration Bond bond fund program, and shelter aid support in Tijuana to help migrants and asylum seekers in need.

So all that stuff is going to be over at mackerelremerch.com.

Are we grateful to Montane?

Let me check.

Yes.

Check, please.

Yes, we are grateful to Montane.

Why?

But why?

Be specific.

For the use of our theme song, My Life is Better With You.

Yes, that's exactly right.

Yes.

I'm super duper duper grateful to Montane.

I've seen a lot of videos of Montaigne just like tearing shit up on stage.

And

I want to go to that.

That seems to fun, be fun.

I've got the fear, yeah, yeah.

Please tell me the fear

this year.

I will be faster than my fear of misidentifying birds in front of the cool older birders, they are not better than me.

It's good.

My name is Justin McElroy.

I'm Travis McElroy, I'm Griffin McElroy.

This has been my brother, my brother, me.

Kiss your dad square on the lips.

It's better with you.

My life, oh.

it's better, it's better with you.

My life all

It's better, it's better with you.

Cause it's true,

it's better with you.

My life,

it's better with you.

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