MBMBaM 781: Jolly Green Gundam

The McElroy brothers are not experts, and their advice should never be followed.

Travis insists he's a sexpert, but if there's a degree on his wall, I haven't seen it.

Also, this show isn't for kids, which I mention only so the babies out there will know how cool they are for listening.

What's up, you cool baby?

It's the start

of something beautiful.

A small acquaintance has glossed.

It's ripened into a precious friendship.

I could have never seen what was coming for me.

Hangs at the skate park, hangs by the beach.

My life,

it feels love.

It's better, it's better with you.

My life,

it's better, it's better with you.

This is true.

It's better, it's better with two.

Hello, everybody.

Welcome to my brother, my brother, me and Advice Show for the Modern Era.

I'm your oldest brother, Justin McElroy.

What's up, Trav Nation?

It's me, your middlest brother, Travis, big dog vroom vream, Wolf Wolf McElroy.

What's up, Trav Nation?

Glad to be here.

Thanks for having me, sweet baby brother, 30 under 30, Griffin McElroy.

Guys, I've been having a lot of trouble sleeping lately, and it's just occurred to me that now that we're in the spooky month, maybe

I'm a teen wolf.

I don't think we are in October.

September is pretty scary, too.

Yeah.

Yeah, but that news peg of like, now we're in the spooky month, it's mid-Telemet.

No, it's spooky months.

Spooky months.

Floral.

We all know.

So

you count September as one of the scary ones?

Yeah, man.

September, October, November, the three scary ones.

Even

beginning of December can be like scary, snowy, Nordic vampire, let the right one.

December, January, February, the cold ones.

March, April, May,

the spring ones, June, July, August, the hot ones.

Yeah.

I agree with this seasonal thing.

I've been Mr., let's use the months as separators in the beginning, but

I don't, this is just fall.

It's not the spooky months.

Like, you can't have three spooky months.

Okay.

I'm sorry, Justin, are bats trying to kill you in all the other months or just the spooky ones?

Thank you.

You know, Justin, some thousands of years ago, scientists aren't sure when,

a guy named Augustus Caesar said, you know what?

10 months, no more.

I'm going to add in months for me

and my dad.

So I'm adding in July and August.

And everybody said, okay, cool, man.

We've numbered the months.

September is the 7th.

October is the 8th November is the 9th December is the 10th so you'll go at the end and he said no no no no I'm gonna jam them in the middle there and really fuck up the whole numbering system and everybody said okay cool man so I think Justin we can do whatever the fuck we want it's all made up pretend Yeah, animals don't know the months, Justin.

Animals don't know the month, except for bats, because they do know grounds.

When are the good months to kill you?

Grounds know when February is.

Yes.

How do bats know when to change into Draculas?

It's not a Dracula thing.

Dracula's make-believe.

And saying that is really making light of the threat of that bats want to kill you instead of.

Also, Justin, to be fair, Dracula turns into bats.

Bats don't turn into Dracula.

It'd be crazy if a bat turned into a brand.

Travis, did you have a thing?

Did you have a thing, Travis?

I said my thing.

I'm turning it off.

That's your whole thing.

That was your whole thing.

It was kind of a conversation to start our ice ring.

Well, we found a lot of rich veins, right?

Like, I want to talk about bat Dracula, a bat who turns into a man and is then like,

because, like, he doesn't understand how to operate a body, doesn't know how to walk, doesn't know how to walk, doesn't know how to pee, doesn't know how to.

That's my favorite.

My favorite Batman villain is Man Bat because I bet when he ran into him, he was like, fuck, they got me.

They said one thing that I can't do.

They saw the inverse of me and they got all the parts of me that are a man.

And Man Bat's parents are very much alive, is the other thing.

We don't talk about that enough.

He has extra parents.

We were in Austin

during one of the months where bats are allowed to kill you.

If we had been too close to that bridge, come sundown, guys, we would have been absorbed in the cloud and turned into bones.

Like Mobius.

A lot like that.

Is that who is that?

I don't think that was his name, was it?

It was Morbius.

I forgot it, man.

It doesn't matter.

No, no, no, no, did you just spoil the end of Morbius?

I'm sorry, everybody.

He gets sucked into bats and turned into bones.

No, he turns into five bats and then clouds a guy who turns into bones.

That's how Morbius sends.

Okay.

Man, that movie sounds really good.

It's pretty cool.

Five bats isn't enough to hide sort of the peeling and stripping.

If the bats are big enough, I guess.

No, they don't.

It's not their job to hide the scary thing that they're doing.

It's their job to eat.

Yep.

Do you think Draculas ever compare the size of bat they turn into when they turn into bats?

I bet if you're a Dracula who turns into a really big bat, when you turn, you get to brag a lot to your friends.

Yeah, I mean, for me, the big thing is how many bats do you turn into?

Because I want you to be able to turn into a few of them.

Okay, would you rather turn into five little bats or one big bats?

Do you want to be a swarm of bats or do you want to turn into one big bat?

Swarm of bats is weird because I am still controlling them.

So how's that?

How am I up in...

High mind.

Okay.

Okay, but if one of my swarm of bats gets killed and I turn back, is like my finger gone?

Yep.

Yeah.

oh, bummer.

It's actually you, the how you feel.

But if the one bat gets killed, like you know what I'm saying, if the one bat gets killed, that's you, you will die.

Yeah, I don't think that's true.

I do think, I think there is a he gets a second chance if he dies as a bat.

He kind of like pop he comes back.

No, I think if you die in the bat, you die in real life.

I don't think so, man.

I think

okay, would you rather turn into a swarm of bats or one big bat in an armored mech suit that protects you from violence?

Yeah.

Do you know what this, if we were doing a Dracula movie, do you know what would be sweet?

Like, if he turned into a swarm of bats and they were like, fuck, he's one of those.

But then he like reconforms into one big bat.

So he's like got three forms.

There's like big bat, swarm, and then Dracula, just as a gentleman, going about his day.

The dragular Dracula who could like do banking and stuff.

But a lot of monsters can't do that.

And Dracula can't do that.

He has an app.

He has an app that lets lets him pick which kind of bats he wants to turn into.

His bat app.

That's a cool modern Dracula for me.

Yeah, dude.

Sorry.

So he has an app, which is called

Bat app.

With no A.

It's just called beat.

It's just.

And he presses, he gets to pick how many bats, the size of the bats, whether he wants to control all of them or have someone else steer some of the other bats.

At first, I would need to be one bat I cannot be both a bat and split into like five minds.

Yeah, I can't take the pressure of both at once.

I bet I want a microtransaction for additional bats when you're a vampire and you first learn to turn into a swarm of bats I bet there's a couple times in the beginning where you're still figuring it out and you turn back but all your bats were in the wrong place when you turn back.

Yeah, man.

And like your head's on your knee and stuff and you're like, oh no.

And then you got to turn back into a swarm of bats and try again.

yeah the other like really important thing is you can't stay a cloud of bats for over 60 minutes or else you get stuck as a cloud of bats forever yeah yep and that means you stay a cloud of bats long enough eventually the hand bats are like really we're the most important ones if you think about it and then the brain bats are like well if you think about it a different way you can't think about it without the brain bats and then they start like there's infighting well they start to have their own dreams and desires and stuff That's when it's sentience.

Is the that's when you got to worry.

I've never thought about it.

That's what happened in My Left Foot.

Yes.

The left foot gained sentience and became a bat and left.

That's true.

That's what happened in the film.

You didn't watch it closely enough.

The original name.

I didn't watch it at all, Justin.

So that was the problem.

The original name of the film was My Lousy Left Foot's Off Again on Another Adventure.

It's laughing.

Original title wings.

The original title was My Angry Bat.

Yes.

He said that.

And I'll tell you, the amazing thing is, Danielle Day-Lewis was so committed that he learned how to turn into a swarm of bats for that movie.

Everyone always mentions Daniel.

No one puts any respect on Brenda Fricker's name for her job, for her.

What the fuck are you talking about, Griffin?

We've done nothing but put respect on Brenda Fricker's name for a decade.

We have made space.

We've made as much space for Brenda Fricker as we can.

Do you think that's a good thing?

I want to talk about more vampire Voltros.

Same, same, same.

Do you guys think that Vampires and Dracula, they put a little too much lore on it?

Like, they kept putting more and more and more and more stuff.

And then, like, they just never stopped until they realized they had gone too far.

Like, I think for me, if I'm a vampire and I'm watching the whole thing develop.

Yes.

I think for me, the garlic is where I'm like, it's crazy.

We've gone far enough.

Thank you.

You know what I mean?

Like, I...

I'm just a regular garlic, like, just regular.

I bet that sucks too, because, like, yeah, maybe Dracula just didn't like garlic in his food.

He wasn't a fan, and it became a thing.

So, now, like, when they go to monster parties, everybody keeps the garlic out of everything, but like, damn the vampire is like, I like guys, you do not need to make space for this.

The whole thing about like they stab you, the only way to kill you is stab you in the heart, and then you turn into a big pile of dust.

What the fuck does that even what are you talking about?

Turn into dust.

Nothing works like that, you know what I mean?

Nothing works like that.

What would happen to his body that would reduce it to dust?

That's crazy.

Where does the water where's the water in his vascular

so dehydrated yeah that would be cool is if when you spiked a vampire it turned into dust and cloud it was just like instantly like or

a gush like a sudden expulsion of all liquid in the body just a

and then as the frimen like what happens with the framen when you kill the frimen and the water water balloon and yeah but then it's mud what if it's raining into the ash then it's mud and he's just gonna goop back out of it like yeah that's a good point.

Reborn, I didn't think about that, guys.

That's a good point.

I bet that vampires were super jazzed when modern mirrors were invented because the whole thing with not seeing their reflection is because mirrors used to be backed with silver, but now we don't use silver anymore.

So, vampires are like, Oh, yes, I'm not the vampire, you can see me in the mirror.

Oh, that's interesting.

I didn't know that so you should have a silver mirror with you if you want to spot it.

Oh, yeah, at all times.

I think you'll also probably get poisoned from it.

I imagine a lot of

how does a vampire

sort of separate out when he's like reading a book and there's like lowercase T's in it?

And he sees those and he's like, those are fine.

But then he sees a Christian cross and is like, no.

That's why he hates Sans Serif so much.

Yeah.

He needs the serifs.

He will only read the serifs.

Like he needs the little

a little bit of a like a fun thing he needs it because if it's if it's sans serif yeah that's why all vampire books are printed in wing dings

that's good travis thanks

i don't want to do the show today i just want to goof around with travis making vampire jokes to not me that's fun no you and me get to just sit in our comfy little couch and travis gets to make vampire jokes too well he's just not gonna we're not gonna make him do a whole hour no and the problem griffin the problem with vampire jokes is they all suck.

I want to just cuddle up and that's really actually great, Trev.

That one's actually quite good.

It is weird that we

were so afraid of vampires, right?

And there's like such a there's such a body of work about vampires are scary.

But like if you take a step back from vampires, think about it for one second.

Yeah.

Vampires got asleep in a box.

Uh-huh.

Sun kills them.

You know exactly where they are like eight to ten hours every day.

They also got a terrorist with a lot of dirt.

Yeah.

They're asleep in a coffin.

Sunlight kills them.

And if they want to come to your house, you have to explicitly ask them to do so.

That's why are we afraid of these guys?

Honestly, like we should be looking out.

They should be an endangered species.

We should be looking out for.

Do you think when a vampire sees a human being just walk into the vampire's house uninvited, they're like, fuck, man, I know that there's no rule for you, but

it's like rude sucks it's rude i wouldn't do it why are you here to fucking kill you why like why dude why why this is the why interaction i have with you guys i can't even open the curtains on my windows i don't know what

Is this just because I killed your nephew while he was getting water for the horses one time?

I killed one 10-year-old nephew and you're like, Jackie, look at him.

Did you not like him that much?

That was like nine days ago dude get over it his fingernails were so gross dude did you look at his fingernails oh

you should be thanking me

i saw you eating some cow meat the other day is that cow son gonna come kill you come on be cool

do you think dracula is gluten intolerant this isn't there's nothing else we talked about that already like literally that exact thing in count donut we've discussed this exact topic.

At work, I've started a new role where essentially I'm the personality for a popular snack mascot.

I either write or approve everything they say.

When I tell people what I do for work, they always ask me to do the voice, but I don't do the voice.

I am just a writer.

Brothers, how can I avoid this awkward exchange every time I tell someone I do for work?

It's also extra tough on me because I asked my bosses if I could do the voice, but they said I just didn't have what they were looking for.

That's from misunderstood Mascot.

You should stop telling people that you are the voice and soul of Chester Cheetah.

Yeah.

And people will stop asking you to do the voice.

You say,

I'm the soul of

the mind and soul of Chester Cheetah.

I think it's crazy you guys leapt immediately there.

Like, it's possible, I guess, but to me, that represents like the big show.

This would be like George Chester.

Oh, yeah.

There's a tailing.

There's a team steering Chester.

Yes.

There's a whole network of data mining AI sort of probes that are coming up with the picture.

I don't know that that's true.

I think that you want a consistency of thought process.

You want to see, like, yes, that's exactly something Chester Cheetah would do.

Right.

And so you'd want

like one person.

He's called Chester Cheetah, but you can't lose the human element.

Exactly.

Or else he's not, he isn't relatable.

Like, he is a blank canvas that, and that's what I appreciate about him is we have not filled him to the brim with a ton of lore.

He is a cheetah who looks cool and likes to eat cheetahs We don't need a whole biography on him past that.

We don't need an SNES platformer.

He also has an unstated danger element to him where he'll say like dangerously cheesy and like he's got a vibe of danger to him, but he's never specified what that is.

What is

people think, I would love to meet Chester Cheetah.

You don't want to meet Chester Cheetah.

You're not going to love that experience.

Don't meet your idols, especially when they are, by their own words, dangerous.

Yeah.

Same with Tony the Tiger.

I think if I met Tony the Tiger, he would encourage me to be.

These are jungle cats that will fucking kill you.

I have a list of the top 50 brand mascots.

And I was wondering if you guys, if I were to throw some at you, you guys could just give me some fresh takes because I would love this job.

I feel like we would be really good at this, this game.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Travis,

question asker, this is not remotely what you wanted, but like, I bet it'll be helpful too.

Travis, like, let's say that you are the one, you're the one who's now in charge of snuggle bear.

Like, how are you making snuggle bear

more relevant to refer to like today's market?

I think seeing somebody, oh, they've just had a really stressful, maybe like first day of college, where like they bumped into somebody and they got yelled at a bunch, and like maybe their professor was really mean to them, and they're just sitting there and they're really like freaking out, and Snuggle Bear comes over with like a warm, fluffy blanket, and he puts the blanket over their shoulders, and he says, I'll take care of it.

And then we see Snuckle Bear ripping into the throat of everyone who was mean to him.

Yeah, shit, that's cool.

That's actually cool.

I don't know that it's going to move a lot of fabric softener, but

okay instead of ripping the thread out he's he's smothering them with a blanket and while smothering them the people are also saying so soft that's cool griffin griffin yeah we all know that chef boy rd is america's most beloved chef but no one gives a shit about him anymore so how would you bring chef boy rd

into 2025

uh

big social media presence to start things out to lay the groundwork and it's going to be stuff like chef boy rd edited into like anime music videos.

Like, um, a lot of fans,

a lot of fan sort of cuts that attack on Titan, all kinds of other sort of like stuff.

And that My Hero Academia kind of like

that.

Is he a giant?

Is Chef Boy R D a giant in the in the

no, you're watching clip, and this is not on TV, so you can use

clips, whatever you can do it.

There's no laws, basically, no laws whatever, but it's like clips from attack on titan and

baruto and like all of those guys and then like in there it but it's coming from chef boy rd's channel uh it's like his channel and he doesn't even mention the fact that it is chef boy rd and until like the comments of everyone is like hey great anime fan edit chef boy rd so like the buzz is getting out there in a really organic way um and then i don't think you really honestly have to do much more than that these days can i counterpoint that i would love you to.

Chef Manardy.

And now he's a ripped dude and he's like got kind of that like sexy Santa Claus.

Hold on.

Sexy Santa Claus vibe, you know?

Make any of them hot.

Like, of course.

Yeah, like make them hot.

I got some

boy RD would be great.

It's just Jeff Boyard is really, we should get Chef Boyard into Master Jeff this year just to like give him a shot at something.

Jeff Boyard.

Jeff Boyard, Travis,

I got one word for you.

Afflack.

You know?

Afflack.

I want to see that duck after work.

I want to see that duck go home.

Um, and we see like,

oh, maybe some unpaid bills, um, maybe like

photographs with somebody ripped out of them, right?

He's gone through some hard times.

Um, and he at home, he feels so empty and alone.

And the only time he feels alive is when he's screaming Aflak in people's faces.

And it gives us like, he doesn't do this for the money, right?

He does it.

This is a service.

This is something he does from his heart.

Sorry, I'm trying to listen, but on the page I have shared as the mascots, inexplicably, there is a Robin Williams memorial airing in the bottom right-hand corner of the window.

And I'm trying to watch, but there's this tiny little Robert Williams memorial that was playing, guys.

It was really moving.

He taught us all to laugh.

I mean, it's a kick-ass Patch Adams.

Kick-ass Patch Adams that he's doing.

But yeah, back to the game.

Back to the game.

Oh, hey, listen.

What if it was just me, Justin McElroy, and it was a video, and I'm like, hi, I'm the Gerber baby.

I'm doing fine.

Yeah.

I'm okay.

You know, the food worked out.

I grew up and I lived and it all worked out fine.

So it's good baby food.

I ate the food.

I just did eat the food and I some of it's pretty good, guys.

Like, and I'm not getting, I am getting paid to say that, but, like, I'm the Gerber baby, so people ask.

It comes up.

I think you could take, I'm looking at the screen here, Justin.

Get the Quaker Oats, man, but take him a kind of a witch hunter kind of vibe where he's talking about how

sugary cereals are

sinful and demonic.

yeah yeah let him come in and like burn the tricks rabbit at the steak or something old time dark ages family drama a la the witch

uh and quaker oats man is the father and like

and sorry guys get into the religion more quaker oats

a lot on the table

guys It's like a huge part of it, guys.

And you really aren't, when I eat Quaker Oats, I'm not getting a message.

Do do you know what i mean and that is gonna put it in certain people's hearts and minds yeah quaker like i i like quaker makes chewy granola strawberry krispy clusters like is that it feels judgmental to have the quaker looking at me on from that box like that is i'm not inhabiting the quaker lifestyle with that you know what i mean no way

Tis a gift to be chewy.

Tis a gift to be strawberry.

That's good, man.

tricks tricks i would just change the name just change the tricks name of the tricks rabbit what the name of the cereal

trinks drax with an in trinks

trinks

got drax now

it's my cereal guardians of the galaxy yeah that's we replaced tricks rabbit with drax that's easy that one's easy i would not be surprised if I mentioned Trix Cereal and you're like, no, Disney does actually own, through a series of mergers, they do own Trix Cereal and also the nickel.

What is the Jolly Green Giant?

Is he a vegetable?

Yeah, you ready for this?

The Jolly Green Gundam.

That's cool.

Fuck!

That's cool.

He might end up in a Chef Boy RD fan edit, too.

Yeah, which would be cool.

Jolly Green.

I know, right?

Jolly Green Gundam is good.

Can they sue us for that?

Probably not.

Yeah.

I mean, if we don't do anything with it, which our track record says we won't.

What about like hanging in there, Green Giant?

And it's like being a little bit more emotionally honest about how he's do, like, how he's doing it, but the brand's going to be.

What about on Molly, Green Giant?

Molly Green Giant.

He's just really feeling

colors and tasting light.

I think, you know, he's having a great time.

He's destroying the countryside beneath his giant sort of like stoned body as he just kind of vibes with it.

I want him to be more representative of my relationship with cereal.

So like when he sees me, he's like, hey, Justin, I rubbed oil all over me and all the herbs you like.

And I roasted myself for 450 degrees for a half hour.

I'm like, ready to go, ready for you to eat me.

I want him to be more appetizing.

You know what I mean?

Like the idea of a giant man.

Do you want to be more interested in eating the jolly green giant?

You could look more like food.

I would like him to feel more like sentient food because right now he's kind of an uncanny valley situation where he's like, can I eat him or not?

You know what I mean?

Yeah.

You want clarity.

I want clarity.

You want veggie tales.

When you watch veggie Tales, you know the second you see one of those guys whether or not you would you would pop up why are we listening to a bear

about fire

right yeah I would wonder about Smokey the Bear is so interesting what if he was a person who had a diploma about it and he was like I would rather you did it.

You know what I mean?

Like, I don't trust a bear.

He could be trying to chase me to better places to eat me.

You know what I mean?

Like, don't light it.

Don't want a campfire because

then I'll be scared of it and I can't come eat you, basically.

I have a theory on this, which is I believe that the bear was chosen as opposed to, say, a deer or a squirrel, a more relatable forest animal, because of the implied threat of like, only you can prevent forest fires or else.

Right.

And that shit doesn't work on me.

I do not.

I think you catch a lot more flies with honey than whatever Smoky bear is trying to set down by being subconsciously pretty frightening the only reason is huge the only reason to make mcgruff the crime dog human-sized yeah is to give the implication that he can arrest an adult and take him to jail correct like you you need to be able to because mcgruff could solve crimes with just his snout leading the proper authorities to the criminals but he has to be man-sized because you need to know that when he does track them down he can fist fight them.

Like he can fight them physically.

How much money do you think it would cost to get an edit of Airbud that someone touches up with VFX or whatever, where he is a five-foot, 10-inch tall, bipedal dog man

who's like, so guys, did I make the team?

He's like the dog police video, but it's 90 minutes long.

And yeah, it sounds good, man.

I'd love to watch a full, sentient, adult-size Airbud.

I would be more into

a more friendly figure for my forest fire prevention.

I would love like a crunchy, like your crunchy friend, Kyle.

Your earthy, crunchy friend Kyle.

That would be better for me in vegetables, I think.

Ronald McDonald is one of my favorites because he is one of the few that they just won't for a few years.

You know, there's like a couple, they'll go years and be like, Ronald, no, I don't think so.

They made such a big deal about Grimace.

like Grimace is uncanceled guys bringing him back out of retirement it's like that's great I haven't seen Ronald's ass yes since fucking 2020 like where is he I think it's time it's time for Ronald to go cyber if you ask me it's time for cyber Ronald a fully digitized out of the computer VR experience I like that That's cool.

And I know what you're saying, Travis, that seems like a lot of buzzwords without any follow-up.

You didn't say what it would be, but that's...

But you're interested.

Let me fill in the gaps.

Let him imagine.

4K.

Fuck yeah, dude.

Yeah, man.

Crypto.

Oh, dude.

Yeah, buddy.

This is Nugen.

Next wave.

Next wave, Ronald.

Next wave, Ronald.

That's right.

Fully digital.

I would find it a lot cooler to find out that you wrote all the ad copy for The Little Caesars Guy, which is, I'm guessing, sort of

a mid-range kind of mascot job.

I think he only says the one thing, Griffin.

You're right.

I picked the worst imaginable example.

But I do love the idea of the reason there hasn't been any new dialogue is because it's like, I can't think of anything else he would say.

It's not in character.

No, it's not that, Travis.

It's an exercise and a display of unfathomable restraint.

There's a whole team of writers every week they get together in the conference room and bring up their best shit.

Like, how about check this out?

Pizza, pizza?

And I'm like, no, sorry, it's not broken, guys.

It's still the best it could possibly be, but keep grinding.

There must have been a point with the little Caesars where they said, what if he just says pizza?

And they're like, that's not it.

And then someone said, what about pizza, pizza, pizza?

And they're like, I think that's too much.

We gotta.

And then somebody said, I know, just two times.

And they said, well, they did it two times because they used to give you two pizzas in a very long box.

And that was the whole angle is it wasn't very good, but at least there's two of them now they have what does that have to do with caesar why why was that connected to caesar in any way

it's a greek style he made the first pizza

oh the the famous greek emperor caesar is that what you're saying greek and rome a lot of people are still kind of you know uh-huh the same time

Travis, those two happened the same time.

And

the story's agree, they were all about columns.

they all had columns and robes and togas, and it's all kind of a shit.

That's the second time we talked about Caesar this episode.

Yeah, they all had different, but which one,

but which one?

Because they,

this, all this stuff, Travis, all this mythology, it happened so long ago, and they have a lot of the same colours.

Acrustus Caesar.

Acrustus Caesar, is that the name of the little Caesars mascot?

Because I've decided it is, yes.

He probably has one.

Acrustus.

He probably has one, and it's probably great.

You know, Lil Nero's Pizza isn't real.

Just in Home Alone.

Okay.

So it's not real.

I mean, it is in Home Alone.

But no, that's real.

Home Alone's not real.

Home Alone is not a real.

You can't be like, it's real in a made-up movie.

Yeah.

Let's go to the money zone.

Because it's shut up, hey, Trash.

Dramas, that was the fucking perfect transition.

You ruined it.

Damn it, dude.

I nailed it.

And you killed it i want to try it again hey guys for real hey guys the matrix isn't real

you would say that though you would say that until you realize you were wrong looks real when you watch the matrix you're like whoa really but um it's not actually it didn't happen But it stars my friend Morbius.

No man.

No man.

No, Morbius turned into a cloud of bats and flew into the sky.

We've covered this.

Right.

Okay.

Sorry.

Yeah, I switched him again.

Let's go to the money zone.

It's not as good as the last one, but it'll have to do.

It's better with you.

You know, I don't know, Don't

from my school days when I was a wee lad, but fall will always feel like the beginning of the year to me.

You know what I mean?

It feels like a new, the new start of it because like going back to school and that kind of thing pages being turned

pages being turned you know it's a new challenge pages being turned the leaves fall lives change and the

step by step day by day you know you get it and it's a great time to start some uh some new things to take care of yourself And I recommend Factor.

Like what, Trav?

Because in all that change, all that hustle, all that bustle, it's hard to find time to cook.

But Factor's there for you with their chef-prepared, dietician-approved meals.

And they're designed to make it easy to stay on track and enjoy something comforting and delicious, no matter how hectic the season gets.

They have a huge variety of weekly meals.

There's premium seafood choices like salmon and shrimp at no extra cost.

And for the first time, you can try Asian-inspired meals with bold flavors influenced by China, Thailand, and more.

Eat smart at factormeals.com/slash brother50Off and use code Brother50Off to get 50% off your first box.

To be clear, that's B-R-O-T-H-E-R-5-0-O-F-F.

That's 50% off your first box plus free breakfast for one year.

That's code brother50off at factormeals.com for 50% off your first box, plus free breakfast for one year.

Get delicious, ready-to-eat meals delivered with Factor.

Offer only valid for new Factor customers with code and qualifying auto-renewing subscription purchase.

Hey, Juice, we were over at your your house a month or so ago, and I just want to say kitty cat's looking good.

Yeah, ma'am.

Both the kitties are looking really good.

Their coats are looking thick and lustrous.

And I think.

Griffin, you sounded really owf-like there for a second.

You're getting it.

Not in a hungry way.

Smalls is the reason, by the way.

It's a cat food that I've been giving them.

It comes in these little packages.

It comes frozen in a big box.

You take out what you need, and then you're open in a fresh pack of delicious food that your cat's going to be wild for.

Smooth bird, smooth cow, other bird.

They love all the flavors

of smooth bird.

I'm kind of a smooth bird.

You're a smooth bird.

When Travis comes over to my house and needs a late-night snack, he reaches for smooth bird.

But you can choose whichever of these delicious tummy tempters that you want to indulge in.

Justin, I told you never to talk about that in public.

I thought it was people food.

Each small's so good.

Each small's meal is also infused with melmite, which is the only substance that can hurt.

And so when he smells one of the cats who's been eating smalls food,

he gets freaked out and like runs.

None of that is true, but what is true is that cats love smalls, or at least mine do.

If your cats have good tastes like mine do, then they're going to love it as well.

Because my brother, my brother, and me listener, you can get 60% off your first smalls order plus free shipping when you head to smalls.com/slash my brother.

That's 60% off when you head to smalls.com/slash my brother, plus free shipping.

Again, that's smalls.com/slash my brother.

You guys know that stinky onk that I carry around for my protection?

Is that made of melmite?

That's melmite.

Yeah, because it's again, one of the

there's not much.

It's an ankh.

Stinky onk.

It's like that stinky onkh-shaped talisman that I carry around.

That's for alves.

Hi, I'm Alexis.

I'm one of the co-hosts of Comfort Creatures, and I'm here with River Jew, who has been a member since 2019.

Thank you so much for being a listener and a supporter supporter of our show.

Yeah, I can't believe it's been that long.

Yeah, right?

As the Max Fun member of the month.

Can I ask what sort of made you decide to be a member?

I used to work in a library, so I just used to listen to podcasts while I reshelved all the books.

Really helped with doing meeting at work.

So I just wanted to give back to what's been helping me.

Yeah.

It feels good to be part of that.

As the member of the month, you will be getting a $25 gift card to the maximum fun store a member of the month bumper sticker and uh you also if you're ever in los angeles you can get a parking spot at the max fun hq just for you yay i'm actually going to la

september so i'll get to use the parking yes

thank you so much river for doing this this has been an absolute blast yeah of course i've been so glad to be able to talk to you too and i'm so excited to be a member of the month yay become a max fun member now at maximumfun.org slash join

Hey, everybody, I'm Jeremy.

I'm Oscar.

I'm Dimitri.

And we are the Euro Evangelists.

We're a weekly podcast spreading the word of the Eurovision Song Contest, the most important music competition in the world.

Maybe you already heard Glenn Weldon of NPR's pop culture happy hour talk up our coverage of this year's contest.

But what do we talk about in the offseason?

The rest of Eurovision, duh.

There are nearly seven decades of pop music history to cover.

Mm-hmm.

We've got thousands of amazing songs, inspiring competitors, and so much drama to discuss.

And let me tell you, the drama is juicy.

Plus, all the gorillas and bread, bacon, grandmas that make Eurovision so special.

Check out Euroevangelists available everywhere you get podcasts.

And you could be a Euro Evangelist, too.

Ooh, I want to be one.

You already are.

It's that easy.

Oh, okay.

Cool.

Hey, guys.

I just want to talk about something.

that has become really important to me.

It's a honorable job.

Yeah, thank you.

It's hard, you know, goal setting is really important.

And it's really important to like sort of have things that you're working towards.

Goal tending is too.

So I'm a heartbeat of the team.

I have found myself surprisingly caring about something a great deal, and it's something that I just want to start get the conversation going because it's never too early.

I want to talk about the Rox Oscar, or as I'm calling it, the Rocksker.

The Rocksker, yeah.

For the Smashing Machine.

We have seen now, I've been,

I don't think delighted is too strong a word.

With every piece of Smashing Machine advertising that I get, I am happier that there is a movie called The Smashing Machine and it stars The Rock.

It is a true story of a UFC fighter, and it is being compared

probably by The Rock most of all, I would think, in private, to Mickey Rourke star turn in the wrestler.

And the conversation starting to turn towards whether or not The Rock is going to get The Rock's culture or not do you think

i bet

unlike most people where they are like oh they're doing this to get the oscar i bet that the oscars went to the rock and were like we have wanted to give you one of these for so long please just do a movie that we can even remotely justify giving it to you please let us please please fuck with a softie please get with one of the softies we will not tell you which one either one's going to get you there um the rock got after the smashing machine um premiered

uh uh it received it's out now well it prefer it premiered at the festival circuit travis travis travis come back travis come back um it's not out

um okay it's it's uh it premiered on the festival circuit and received a um

a 15 minute standing animation at the end of it uh during which the rock reportedly cried uncontrollably

okay 15 straight straight minutes?

Okay, guys.

Listen.

Hey, no, no, no.

I do not want to sound like I am shy.

I am

emotional, vulnerable, amazing, but 15 minutes of crying.

Now, I don't know if he controlled it.

The ovation lasted for 15 minutes.

I'm going to go ahead and start a timer just so we just so we get an idea.

I'm like, imagine the movie just ended and we're cheering for

The Rock, right?

You can't have that going in the show, though, because it'll reveal how much of our shit Rachel.

We cut 10 minutes.

like and there's our 15 minutes all those jokes are gone all right now here's that I want to make it clear I believe that everyone should be able to cry when the spirit moves them it's fine I can

I'm trying to picture the giant man that I know as the rock crying uncontrollably I bet it's scared I bet it's crazy if he loses control

I listen they teach us not to editorialize when you're learning the AP style And I don't think you can ever know the contents of another person's heart.

I have to say,

I assume that after you are a wrestling professional, you are always in control of your emotions.

He can't afford to not be.

You know what I mean?

Yeah, sure, sure.

It's got to be tough.

You can't get angry.

You can't get angry while you're out there because you could hurt somebody.

That's what the smashing machine is kind of all about.

You can't get sad out there or you'll get smashed.

The rock, which is also one of the core core messages of the smashing machine.

Emotions lead to smashing.

The rock has been wearing sunglasses.

And that,

sorry, not sunglasses.

The rock has been wearing glasses at some of these events.

And that is starting to make people think maybe it's time for The Rock's car.

You know, maybe this is the moment because he's wearing glasses.

The glasses, maybe, because he's going for an evolution.

And there's some other clues, too.

And that's really what I wanted to bring you guys here for.

The Rock's been doing a lot of promotion for the, for, for The Smashing Machine, a lot of interviews, and I think The Ross is a little bit more.

The more you say the name of the movie, the more it sounds like a fun fake title that we came up with for a real movie.

And here, and I gathered some of The Ross's quotes about his work during the film because he's been, you know, he's been out there promoting it.

And I just wanted to share some of it with you guys.

Yeah, but

this transformation was something I was really hungry to do.

I've been very fortunate to have the career that I've had over the years and to make the films that I've made, but there was just a voice inside of me, a little voice that said, well, what if I could do more?

I want to do more.

And

what does that look like?

I've been scared to go deep and intense and raw until now, until I had this opportunity to do this.

When you're in Hollywood, as we all know, It had become about box office and you chase the box office.

And the box office in our business is very loud.

It can push you.

This is what the rock said.

It can push you into a corner and a category.

This is your lane.

This is what you do.

And this is what people want you to be.

This is what Hollywood wants you to be.

And I understood that.

I made these movies and I liked them and they were fun.

And some were really good and did well.

And some not so good.

I think what I did realize is I just had this burning desire in this voice that was just saying,

what What if there's more?

What if I can?

Do we get to vote on Oscars?

Do we get to decide?

What would we have to do?

What do we need to do?

Because I'm doing my part.

I can't take out a billboard outside Rodeo Drive, okay?

I want to help, I want to reward what I just heard.

And I just wanted to do that.

He's been fighting so fucking hard, guys.

Can I tell you, I was struck in that statement.

There's a beautiful, childlike naivete as he's like, is there more than just doing big man punching movies?

I don't know.

Dismiss a million billion big man punching movies.

Yeah, like a hundred

million billion big man punching movies.

But that he's figuring like, what does it even look like for the rock to do some like real act?

And I'm like, should I try acting on

deeper?

The great thing about following The Rocksker, as I have been, is that the people who are covering The Rocksker don't actually have the vocabulary to understand what The Rocksker means.

So they are buying it.

Here's a real line from the variety story about the premiere of the Smashing Machine.

Before the screening started, one fan shouted Johnson's signature WWE line.

Can you smell what The Rock is cooking?

Prompting laughter from the man of the hour.

The Rock's going to get his Oscar, guys.

He's gonna get his fucking Oscar.

These people are not getting it.

He's got a dick about it.

Yeah, he didn't pull a Billy Bob Thornton where he'd be like, Uh, would you uh ask Brad Pitt about his uh cooking YouTube that he does?

Like,

he's he owns it, he knows what where he came from, and he's proud of it.

I'm also, I'm thinking of

a lot of

like got an Oscar and then ended up doing big man action rights.

He wants to have I'm trying to think of, yeah, there's a Stallone, you know, Stallone paved the way of like got that Rocky for writing, I believe, and then said, now I'm just going to be action guy from now on.

Yeah.

And now he's

now Tulsa.

Enough said.

That's true.

The rock continues in this same junket.

Like same junket, same rock.

These are all from the same junket.

Sometimes it's hard to know what you're capable of when you've been pigeonholed into something.

It's harder to know, wait, can I do that?

I feel like I can.

And sometimes it takes people who love you and respect you to say you can.

The rock.

Guys, The Rock is like, I feel like I've been pigeonholed

into being the rock.

Yeah, man.

It says in your contract you can't lose fights, The Rock.

Yeah, man.

I think you've been pigeonholed.

I think you've had a role in that pigeonholing.

It's cool to watch him do this shadow work

out in front of all of it.

Yeah, I have to do this in a mirror, the Rockets, to do it in front of reporters.

And this is what those safties do to you.

This is how those safties fucking get...

Do you guys remember?

Do you guys fucking remember what the Sandman used to be like before those Safties got their fucking claws in him and turned him into like an introspective sort of artist?

It's like, man, it's cool and I'm happy to see it, but also, there's not, we're not going back, guys.

I'll say this, though.

It's very inspiring to me because if someone like even The Rock can be pigeonholed into something, maybe I've been pigeonholed into something, you know?

You gotta wonder, right?

I really thought about it.

You gotta wonder, Trav, are you maybe, are you maybe, have you,

are you being punished or like tormented in the same way that The Rock is?

I wear glasses.

He's wearing glasses.

I wear glasses.

Look at this.

Look at this difference.

He and I.

He's wearing glasses.

Those are fucking cool glasses.

Yeah, because he's the rock, man.

They probably cost $4,000 and are made by Cartier.

You know, sorry.

Maybe it's time for me to try them.

They're $1,400.

Maybe I should be.

Sorry, they are by Cartier.

They are the Smashing Machine 2.

Okay, that's not.

Okay, we'll talk about it.

I want to be in the Smashing Machine 2.

Travi, you can't be in the Smashing Machine.

No, Smashing Machine number two.

You can't.

Travis, it'll be a long time before they make Smashing Machine.

You can't because you got to fight The Rock for it.

And let me tell you where The Rock is at.

I'm at a point in my career where I want to push myself in ways that I've not pushed myself in the past.

I want to make films that matter, that explore humanity and explore struggle and pain.

So, remember, in the future, when The Rock is in films that don't do that, he's doing it against his will because that is not what he wants to do.

Or in his head, guys, I've got it.

I'm gonna write a biopic about myself starring The Rock as me.

I'll get the Oscar for Screams for the Traving Machine.

The Traving Machine, yes,

Starring The Rock as Travis McCoy.

Damn it.

They want me to throw the podcast.

What does that mean?

They got me for podcast betting.

What are you talking about?

Yeah, I was fixing podcasts.

What is that?

Adrian, still a better representation of podcasting than Alex Inc., says Variety.

Movies seem to struggle with basic cause and effect sort of storytelling, but beats the pants off Alex.

This is the last one.

I looked around a few years ago and I started to think, you know,

guys, okay, this is what The Rock said to people, right?

Like, in my head, before I answer,

okay, I looked around a few years ago and I started to think, you know, am I living my dream or am I living other people's dreams?

The rock doesn't know that?

The rock doesn't, how am I supposed to answer that question for myself?

Is the rock living my dream in which the rock is a huge star and maybe gets a roster?

Wait, am I living The Rock's dream and he's living my dream and we somehow switch bodies?

You can come to that recognition.

And I think you either fall in line.

Well, it's status quo.

Things are good.

I don't want to rock the boat.

You know, you either keep doing the multi-million dollar movies or go, I want to live my dreams now and do what I want to do and tap into the stuff that I want to tap into and have a place finally to put all this stuff that I've experienced in the past and that I've shied away from.

I've been scared to go deep and intense and raw until now until I had this opportunity.

Keep going, King.

Like, you're yeah, keep it going.

We're all rooting.

By the way,

I'm not a watcher, to be fair.

I'm not a watcher of Young Rock.

I guess you don't cover this territory in the biopic about your young life, which does seem like a missed opportunity.

If I wanted to dig into sort of my unpacked stuff, one way that I might do that is a series about my youth, The Rock.

Yeah, but that was.

He wasn't here yet.

Young Rock has so much work to do before he gets to rock.

I also think that there's an implied parenthetical statement at the end of all these quotes that's like, and now I have so much money that I don't have to worry about box office anymore.

And I can make some of this shit.

Scott, he's making the smashing machine.

If you want to make art, come here and do a podcast.

That's where the podcast is.

That's where I came.

You're welcome to be here, and I will eat every bad word I've ever said about you.

I love The Rock.

I just feel like no one is doing the work that we are doing for The Rock right now.

In his day-to-day life, he should have gotten an Oscar for Jumanji.

Yeah.

He should have gotten an Oscar for Jumanji.

Thank you.

I'm going to a bachelor party at an Airbnb next weekend.

The amenities include a hot tub and arcade, but also a laundry room.

How can I surreptitiously do my laundry at the party without it being weird?

Yes.

Some additional notes.

We're only there one night.

It is in town.

I have to pay to do my laundry at my apartment, so this will save me money.

Thank you.

Cool.

The logistics are easy.

I think we could probably chip those in pretty easy.

I mean, you bring a big suitcase.

No one's going to fucking say anything.

They will.

Why don't they just get one night?

Why?

Which is a big suitcase for one night?

Why such a big suitcase?

They definitely will.

Try again.

Medicine.

Okay, medicine.

I'm super sick.

This is my final farewell.

Well, no, like, no,

why would you tell them you're dying to cover up dying?

I didn't say that.

Say it's personal.

Say it's a personal reason for why it's so big.

And they're not going to ask anymore.

If they do, they're not your friends.

And they'll say, why does it stink like old dirty clothes so much?

And you say, medical reasons,

former friend.

Like, the logistics are so easy.

We don't have to sweat those.

It doesn't.

You're making them seem actually harder than I imagined them to be before the question.

If you're in town, here's what you do.

You just keep offering to run out and get more stuff for the party, but you're going back to your apartment and getting another load of laundry and bringing it back and forth.

That's good.

That's good.

You need some sort of your big coke.

You have a big coat on too that helps when you're wearing all the laundry.

Some sort of Easter egg hunt or scavenger hunt or something would give him.

Just to get him out of the house for a while.

Well, I was going to say to give you an excuse for like continually like ducking in, like, there's got to be one around here, you know, like if you said that, like, like really loud, like, there's got to be a clue around here somewhere, and like you can cover doing your laundry.

That's cool.

And do you need to tell the other, are the other people if they're like, why are you going into the laundry room so much?

You can be like, scavenger hunt.

You know what I mean?

For one.

No, they're playing two.

There is a scavenger hunt.

Like, you've organized it.

I just need a moment of quiet reflection and scavenger hunting.

Yeah, we don't use that excuse enough when someone's like, what are you doing?

just wandering wandering around what are you looking for you should be able to just say like eggs clearly the implication is that you would organize the hunt like

you would have to organize it clearly i'm looking for hidden eggs

or hidden cameras that travis i like that you can't be too careful these airbnbs They could be, yeah, but you just keep going in the laundry room.

Do you want to check like the bedroom?

They try to watch that thing.

They try to move.

They want to take pictures of your filthy panties.

Nobody better be doing any laundry in my laundry room.

I'll tell you this right now: if I went to a bachelor party, if I, because I've lived in apartments where I had to pay to do my laundry and stuff, and if I went to a bachelor party in an Airbnb and another guest there brought their laundry to do for free, the feeling I would feel is deep envy and anger at myself for, hey, that's actually probably going to be your biggest issue.

Everyone else has done it too.

And there's only the one washer dryer.

You're going to have to coordinate and try not to mix up your underwears.

I don't.

What's wrong?

Travis saying that really threw me for a loop.

Whether you don't want to mix up your underwears with each other if you throw your clothes into the biggest.

I'm calling it your underwears.

That's because of the rim.

The rim.

I know.

That's what I'm saying.

It made me think.

What if you went to everybody in the party and you got one piece of dirty clothes from each of them and you put it in with as a getting to know you game?

No, like you.

So The Rock has just finished his applause break.

Wow.

That's a huge amount of time to be taking that energy from a big crowd.

Do you think it was a constant level the whole time?

It had to be dips, and they're like, he's looking, he's still crying.

Maybe we should keep going.

Okay, he's still at it.

Yeah, the variety headline is: The Rock Smashing Machine received seven-minute standing ovation and then

about a nine or ten-second gap where it seemed like things were slowing down.

And then he kept crying harder than before.

Maybe they clapped until he cried.

They kept clapping and then

he's right on the the edge.

Do it, baby.

We only got him.

Do it.

Do it, you big pussy.

Let's see the waterworks.

You're such a great actor.

Come on.

Do it.

I want to smell what you're cooking.

Woo!

The smashing machine received a 50-minute, very directed standing of it.

Very targeted.

He was just standing out

yelling at the rock.

Wouldn't it be fucked?

There should be one.

If he gets up to do the speech,

someone should hit him with a chair.

I'm just saying that when he gets up to get the Rocksker, Bradley Cooper,

it can't be.

Oh, I went to Martin Short, but Martin Short?

No, he'd kill Martin Short.

Wait, is he going to strike me?

Martin Short hits him with a chair.

The Rock's like

uncontrollable, guys.

This is where he's at with this film, right?

I wouldn't push it.

Oh, he's tapped into his feelings now.

Yeah,

he's the full power of the rock.

He's cracked wide open.

If you go to everybody in the party and you say, hey, give me one piece of your clothing, and then you put it in with your clothes, and then you start washing them.

Yeah, nobody can say anything because they discover it.

You're like, oh, that's interesting.

Check out this sock.

Huh?

I guess I'm not the bad guy.

I guess

we're all culpable now.

I guess we're all criminals, huh?

Hey, thank you so much for listening to our podcast.

I hope you've enjoyed it.

I looked at my watch before I started saying that, and I don't really know why.

Hey, we're going to do some more shows.

You want to come see us?

We're still out there.

We'd love that.

I'd love it if you wanted to.

Yeah,

we're going to be in Salt Lake City and San Diego doing shows next month.

Tickets for all the shows are on sale now.

You can get all the information about those shows and the ticket links and everything at bit.ly slash macroytours.

Speaking of tickets, at the beginning of November, tickets for the third annual Champions Grove at Ravenwood Castle in Hawking Hills, Ohio are going to be on sale.

All the information and everything at championsgrove.com.

That's more than just a ticket to an event, folks.

That's a ticket to adventure.

That's a ticket to friendship.

That's a ticket to good times, to learning.

You're going to learn

and to friendship, which I have covered.

Yeah, but double, double friendship.

We got some new merch in the store.

We got a Gerald shirt designed by Lynn Doyle,

who is at Lynn Doyle underscore on Instagram, L-I-N-D-O-Y-L-E.

10% of all merch proceeds this month will be donated to Equality Florida, which is dedicated to securing full equality for Florida's LGBTQ community.

We also have a newsletter.

You can sign up at bit.ly forward slash McLaren newsletter and be the first to know about new stuff that we're doing.

Hey, thanks to Montaigne for the use of our theme song, My Life Is Better With You.

Check out Montaigne's.

It's not really new.

I don't know at what point an album stops being new.

It's hard to be officially.

Well, they've been posting a lot of content from there too and everything.

It looks so cool that you should go check out Montane's TikTok presence.

There's a lot of great videos.

Thanks, Montane.

Um,

we have, do we have a final fear?

We do, yeah, I'll read it.

This year, I'm gonna be faster than my fear of trees, but only at night.

My name's Justin McElroy, I'm Travis McElroy.

I'm Griffin McElroy.

My brother, my brother, we kiss your dad square on the lips.

It's about you.

My life,

it's better, it's better with you.

Cause it's true.

It's better, it's better with you.

My life,

it's better with you.

Maximum Fun, a worker-owned network of artist-owned shows, supported directly by you.