MBMBaM 784: Can You Escape Hatred Cove?

The McElroy brothers are not experts, and their advice should never be followed.

Travis insists he's a sexpert, but if there's a degree on his wall, I haven't seen it.

Also, this show isn't for kids, which I mention only so the babies out there will know how cool they are for listening.

What's up, you cool baby?

a precious friendship.

I could have never seen what was coming for me.

Hangs at the skate park, hangs by the beach.

My life,

it feels love.

It's better, it's better with you.

My life,

oh,

it's better, it's better with you.

This is true,

It's better, it's better with two.

Hello, everybody.

Welcome to my brother, my brother, me and advice show for the Modern Era.

I'm your oldest brother, Justin McElroy.

What's up, Trav Nation?

It's me, your middleest brother, Travis, big dog wolf of room for McElroy.

What's up, Trav Nation?

It's your sweet baby brother, Griffin 30 under 30 Built Ford Tough McElroy.

Why did you send me a TikTok, Travis, the second we started recording?

Because we were talking about things that you were going to do.

Oh, right.

It was a travel recommendation.

You're ready specifically from him?

I just got the notification quite delayed.

So I thought you were like, dude, you're never going to believe what Donkey Lips looks like now or whatever the fuck, the kind of TikTok stuff.

Actually, I would absolutely, because I put the gentleman that portrayed Donkey Lips in a cameo for Travis.

So he would actually definitely believe what Donkey Lips looks like now.

Yeah, that's a fake point.

If you need a cameo, the guy who played played Donkey Lips really delivered.

It was like seven minutes long.

It was fantastic.

Really, really solid shit.

Hey, we were, Rachel and I were talking the other night.

Michael Boer.

Michael Bower.

I apologize.

I felt so bad every time I said the guy who played Donkey Lips.

I wanted to give him a name.

Yeah, he has a name.

Rachel asked me a question.

We were talking about it.

Sorry, I just wanted to

clarify.

I searched up his name and not his political interests or affiliations.

So no.

Gang, just to not to say it's bad, not to say it's bad or good, but we don't.

We simply don't have time to vet while we're in the fucking flow state.

You can't vet in the flow state.

It's important.

Can't vet in the flow.

We were, Rachel and I were talking about our boys and how they are, they're pretty ticklish.

They're pretty ticklish little guys.

So much so that, like, you don't have to be trying to, it just will happen sometimes.

And then Rachel said,

you're not very ticklish.

I said, no.

She said, what about your brothers?

And immediately I was hit with like 15 different feelings, emotions, reactions down in my soul.

Like, I don't know.

I don't know if my brothers are ticklish.

Should I know if my brothers are ticklish?

How would I know?

How could I find out?

Did I tickle them?

I was the little...

Are we together as children?

I don't think I tickled you guys much, but I was the littlest one.

So it felt like the tickling.

But I don't think we tickled.

I don't want to call you out, Griffin.

Yeah, I knew you weren't ticklish, and I know Justin was extremely ticklish.

I don't know about his current state.

Say something, but like, what sounds regretful now that you brought this up?

Yeah, I wish I could go back in time to a time when I was tickling you and say, like, remember this.

You know,

I don't remember any time I ever did such a thing.

Of course, I remember you guys tickling me.

I was a cute little guy pie.

You gotta get in there.

But I don't remember going after you guys.

And then I I felt like, should I have tried to do that?

The natural order is, so we know tickling is how bigger mammals teach smaller mammals where the bleeding parts are, right?

So it's how you teach them to defend.

And so there's no need for you to teach me where not to defend.

Where the bleeding parts are.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Or whatever.

I want to blow on your belly, though, and you'd go nuts for it, Justin.

Laughing, giggling.

Griffin, I would pop your toes without warning.

You would do that, you nasty fucking hawk.

Yeah.

Until eventually you're like, yeah, okay.

You still do that shit.

If you can't Satisfying.

If you catch some puppers out backstage at a show, you can

come back.

I can't do it.

All five in one.

You all want to go.

Yeah.

They call him Petey Pupper Puller.

Petey Pupper Puller coming around the stinky feet backstage.

Pee Pupper Puller pulling perfect puppies.

At people asking, hey, can we come, let us get some passes back to the green room after the show.

I'd say, you don't want to be there.

It's a guest list.

I hope you're wearing clothes to your shoes.

Pumpkin puller.

I'm not tickling my kids.

I realize tickling is like a charged subject these days.

It just felt like

I didn't know.

I don't know, man.

I just felt like I didn't know.

It feels like everything is these days.

Should I have known?

Should I have, am I a bad, am I a worse brother for not knowing?

Or

I think on the scale of things you don't know about us, I would say whether we're ticklish or not isn't high up

of bad things to know.

Thank you.

So you you got to let people grow, you know, and maybe just because we were ticklish when we were kids doesn't mean you know how we're at now, right?

I mean, the other day, because Justin's doing a pumpkin carving contest for the Huntington Children's Museum, and he put on the thing that he's allergic to pumpkins.

And Teresa asked me, like, is that true?

And I said, I don't know, which is, I think, on the grand scheme of things, way worse.

Way worse.

Oh, man.

Okay, so listen, I waited to the last minute to fill out my bio for the pumpkin carving contest for the Huntington Children's Museum.

And I said two things

in that bio that I wrote.

I wrote in the bio that I did wait till the last minute to do.

I wrote that I am definitely allergic to pumpkins.

I wrote that I am definitely allergic to pumpkins.

And I wrote that if I raised $5,000, I would eat my pumpkin raw.

Now, you probably can't guess what state I was in when I filled out my bio materials.

Yeah, sure.

For the

Children's Museum pumpkin carving contest.

But yeah, I would just love any support I could get there because I did not.

Yeah, I don't, that was not true when I wrote, but now the posts that they have started resharing are like, this appreciation just in sacrifice.

Not a brave hero.

Yeah, I would say more of a pumpkin martyr.

Well, my bit is going to be if I can hit five G's, my bit's going to be that at six G's, I no longer have to eat the pumpkin.

So it's going to be, yeah, and and I'll keep like just holding myself hostage.

That's great.

That's great.

Was that the story you wanted to tell?

No.

Wow, you got so fucking yarn spinner over there.

You brought up.

There's so much interesting shit happening.

He brought up the pumpkin carving thing.

That wasn't even my, I didn't bring that up.

Yeah, we're just a multi-layered.

I'm saying you live a life full of stories, and that's like, I'm just stories of passion, stories of friendship, and tales of how romance survives.

Guys, do you ever look back over

like our past couple months of episodes and think we could have been talking, we could have been doing a Tron Watch and

Tron Watch.

We let that one slide right now.

Let's let next episode be very, very Tron Watch centric travel.

Let's put the time in because I don't want to throw that together.

Instead, I just want to follow up on the Rocksker real quick.

Fucking yeah, man.

Yeah, man.

This is, this is, uh, guys,

sometimes I feel like the universe is kind of forming things around me, and I think that's a pretty human experience, right?

And you got to shake it, but sometimes

all the time you feel like that, sometimes 100% of the time, sometimes 100% of the time.

I try to fight that urge because I don't think it's healthy, but I was watching.

That's the only perspective I've got, Justin.

Kind of fucked up to say, right in front of you.

I was watching the Graham Norton show with my wife,

and your wife was on the Graham Norton show?

That's a huge thing, dude.

That would be a huge thing.

Did she mention us?

Did she say shit about our show?

No, no, they had a huge, they had huge wattage.

They had Emily Watson

and James Norton.

I think it was.

Emma Watson?

What?

Emma Watson?

Emily Blunt.

Emily Blunt.

Different.

Yeah.

James Norton.

I think is his name, right?

Yes, he's an actor.

James Norton.

There is an actress named Emily Watson who is in Punch Truck Love.

No, this is Emily Blunt.

Okay.

Okay.

James Norton.

Wow.

And Graham Norton, the host of the Graham Norton show.

Dick, no relation.

Fuck up if he wasn't there, man.

And Matthew McConaughey.

Oh,

and The Rock.

And The Rock.

Look up at the Sky is a pitch black void because all the stars are.

So, guys, I

want to tell you that

the subject of The Rock and The Rocksker and The Rock Transformation came up.

And it came up at a time when Matthew McConaughey was also on stage.

And what transpired was

so fucking great that I wanted to include basically eight minutes of the Graham Norton show in our show.

I don't think you are allowed to

get no one.

Can you imagine?

There is no like podcast board authority who could like do fucking anything to us at this point, but we should probably be back.

Yeah, so what there is not a law against though is watching it over and over and over again and transcribing it yourself by hand and then having your brothers read it with you

to like recreate.

There's no law against that at all.

Okay.

So who's he going to give the rock to?

Probably Juicer is going to take that.

Well, I wanted to ask you guys, if you guys were going to be, if one of you was The Rock and one of you was Matthew McConaughey, while I'm sharing this, I wanted you guys to figure it out.

I'll be Graham Norton, but like someone would do a better McConaughey than me.

Travis has just grabbed a jug.

Well, I had an empty jug up there, and I didn't want to show it in the.

Oh, I thought you were getting the fucking prop because you're like, here's The Rock and his jug.

Everyone knows The Rock is never without his special.

He's great.

he's practicing for our live-action ammon otter's jug band christmas yeah

the rock is the i rate no hole in the washtub

even though um even though this will be a dramatic section of the show yeah i do want to encourage uh if we need to take a break at any point for discussion it's a deeply incredible thing that exists and i don't want to rush through it are you

have you re have you received the script it's called the rock script.

Through what medium will we be receiving this?

I shared it in your email address.

If you can look in your email address, you should see it there.

I will say

written out, it does look like it says rock scar, which is.

Yeah, it's hard to say the rock scar.

It's part of the appeal.

Now, I will say this.

Please don't read ahead.

It's the first thing because we need it fresh.

Second thing I'll say is that

I did my best with transcribing it.

Please don't make any bits about how it's transcribed.

Just like do your best because obviously.

I'll do my very best too.

There's no humor in that because I did my best.

Let's just start here.

Can we start here?

I don't think it would be particularly hard to throw together a Graham Norton impression.

I think any one of us can handle that.

Right.

The rock will be tough because his voice isn't just deep.

It is, there is a richness to it that is hard to emulate if you just don't got the vocal cords for it.

I think we start with Matthew McConaughey assigning that one because it feels like that's the one that a bad version of is going to stick out the most.

Okay.

So just I will I go it's just that Matthew McConaughey talks the most in this section and I don't want it

you don't want it to sound like a bad Matthew McConaughey impression the whole time?

I just don't want it to feel like I would joke.

Yeah.

Okay, Griffin, I'll take a shot of McConaughey.

You take a shot at The Rock.

Okay, but let's use just sort of our normal voices with a little bit because Justin's right.

We don't want the joke to be our impressions.

He worked pretty hard on this.

Okay, thank you.

It should be about the words.

Justin's not going to say that out loud.

It's unreal that Matthew McConaughey is still McConaugheying as hard as he is.

And I am so fucking happy.

Okay.

I'm so happy.

All right.

You know the odds.

I have timeout, so I'll stop it right here.

Because I think it's better if we stop it right away instead of get into it and then have to

interrupt the flow state.

We did just say we weren't going to do like crazy impressions.

Yeah, unless it's like fucking sick.

Like

you understand that by.

I can say unless it's it's okay by doing that you are you are casting a shadow over

too high

so do you want the joke to be about the words or the voice no no no no no okay i okay i'll be graham norton i'm just making that clear but he only talks the only other thing is griff he only talks for like One little section.

So I just want to have a little bit of fun for the one bit that I get to talk.

For sure, for sure.

But people are going to be thinking about because it is the introduction.

While me and Travis are reading the important words you wrote, they're going to be.

Oh, so what a a sign of a great interviewer.

You know what I mean?

Sure.

Because he just lets the people talk.

Okay, I'll...

Yes, you're right.

Okay, you're right.

You're right.

Thank you.

You're right.

And I'm sorry.

Here we go.

You know the idea of Dwayne Johnson disappearing in the by the way, just so we're clear, that is where we're at now, folks.

Okay.

Dwayne Johnson.

Cool.

The idea of Dwayne Johnson disappearing in any role, you kind of think, oh, how can you transform?

But you do what?

And it's not just a physical thing because it's obviously this hair.

But what other things went on?

It was about 22 prosthetics.

We had Kazuhiro, our Oscar-winning prosthetic artist, and he helped me transform.

There was also vocal transformation too, but the idea, I think, of transforming for me was something that, you know, I didn't know that I was.

I didn't know that was for me.

And I wanted to do that because a lot of times in the movies that I've made in the past, the bigger movies, they're big and they're fun.

And I've liked them from Jumanji to Moana.

And I'll go back to those.

He says that, dude, he says, from Jumanji to Moana.

Jumanji, Moana.

Moana.

Bananas by the bunch.

Taste so good.

Okay.

And I'll go back to those, but there was something about this opportunity where there was a little, there was a voice behind my rib cage that was just telling me, right?

So I had shared

his heart.

this is the first time the rocks ever listened to his heart it's it was like a feeling it was uh i don't know a voice behind my rib cage what's in there my lungs so i had i looked at a building and thought what if it didn't explode

so i had shared this with emily for years like emily who sorry the rock

sorry emily blunt or watson from punch drunk love one of the two uh for years it's just it's gnawing at my gut to do more and challenge myself and grow and do something where I'm not chasing box office, but I'm doing it for me.

Yeah.

And it wound up being the most greatest, most gratifying thing.

And

I've said this before, and I mean it.

The smashing machine changed my life.

Okay, now,

this is important.

So far, Matthew McConney has not, to this point, as far as I could clock, spoken.

At all on the whole segment.

At all, on this entire episode of the Graham Norton show.

Period.

Maybe at the beginning, it's like some like, whatever.

But then, like, Matthew McConaughey is fully awoken by the story that The Rock has just told about the journey for The Rock Skirt.

Travis, if you would.

And Travis, again, this is quite a speech.

So just don't.

Yeah.

I had that 4 a.m.

in my solitude.

Now, wait, now let me stop it right here because we were both so brave in our night.

I had that 4 a.m.

in my solitude on my own truth that hit me.

Fucking good start.

It's like, yeah, I know.

Guys,

you got to let me get a rhythm going.

Yeah, you've got to to let him get through a sentence, Griff.

You're right, you're right, you're right.

You gotta let me get a rhythm going here, okay?

Okay, it's like.

I had that 4 a.m.

in my solitude on my own truth that hit me that lands like a butterfly and strikes like a lightning bolt at the same time.

That truth that you go, okay, tomorrow when the sun comes up.

Now, Griffin, do not read along.

Focus on your brother.

Just listen to your brother.

I'm going to full screen, my brother.

Yeah, I don't think The Rock talks again at this fucking segment.

So I'm fucked out.

That truth that you go, okay, tomorrow when the sun comes up and I'm back in the masses and all the world's coming at me and all those offers, I need to remember this truth.

Now, I've been trying to get dramas and was even offering huge pay cuts.

And they were like, no, stay in your lane, McConaughey.

You're the rom-com guy.

You got that down.

Mind you, I enjoyed them, but I was wanting to do something different.

From Juman.

Couldn't you get it?

From Jumanji to Moana.

Holana, I am like, I am getting, dude.

Please ask me to do more of those, please.

If my brother my brother episode goes by where I do not say from Jumanji tomorrow,

I failed.

Okay.

I said,

wait, yeah, but I was wanting to do something different because I couldn't do what I wanted to do.

I said, I got to stop doing what I'm doing.

So I said, no more, no more rom-coms.

Called the agent.

I said, let the town know it's not going to happen.

I went to Texas.

Camilla's pregnant on the ranch, quiet down there.

Camilla says to me, look, you don't know how long it's going to be dry.

How long you going to not go with work?

This could go on, but this is non-negotiable.

We're not going back.

I was like, not going back.

Now a year goes by.

No, nothing.

Nothing.

He did go to darling.

I called my agent.

He goes, Matthew, I haven't heard your name in six months.

Am I going, okay?

I may have just wrote myself a one-way ticket out of Hollywood.

I start to think about other vacations, school teachers.

No, no, no, no, no, no,

other vocations, school teacher,

wildlife guide.

Maybe I go back to law school.

How long?

Now we will take a brief

break.

How little of this syllabus is Matthew McConaughey, the school teacher, going to cover in any given day?

I feel like you're going to get...

Once you reach out to me underneath this thing, I can say only 16 questions today before we even get started.

But Todd, yeah, go.

Go.

In Sahara, when you were working with, yeah,

I was not even thinking about, of course, the constant Q ⁇ A people would have.

I was just thinking of Matthew McConaughey trying to like, you know, get into the Battle of Versailles and just really just taking a long time, taking a long walk to get there.

His vocations that he lists off

are school.

And listen, I'm not one to hate on Hollywood people.

They're working hard and I'd love to be one.

But it does show a little bit of a disconnect with the job market when you're trying to think of jobs and you're like a school teacher, wildlife guide.

Yeah.

And then maybe to me, the most

go back to law school.

Okay, but like if you were to look at Matthew McConaughey, I think this shows a wonderful awareness of who Matthew McConaughey is as a person.

Like, if I wasn't doing this,

probably like a fucking teacher or a wildlife guy or something.

What if he kept going and he'd be like, or like a treasure hunter or

astronaut physicist?

I thought you'd be more excited that the Lincoln lawyer was so close to being an actual.

This is what I'm saying is he has done quite a few movies where he has been a law guy.

Yeah, sure.

My question is, was there a time when Matthew McConaughey was in law school that now would necessitate going back to law?

I mean, let's hope, right?

Yep.

Let's hope.

There's no way.

Back to the script.

All right.

18 months goes by.

I really think I've done it.

I'm out.

I get this romantic action comedy.

It comes with an $8 million offer.

I read it.

I passed.

I say, no, thank you.

Comes back with a $10 million offer.

I said, no, thank you.

Comes back with a $12 million offer.

I said, no, thank you.

It comes back with a $14.5 million offer.

I said, let me read that thing again.

Same words as the $8 million offer, but but it was better.

It was funnier.

I could see myself.

This could work, right?

But I ultimately said no.

This fucking story, by the way,

killed.

I was like dying on the ground.

We were talking about that fucking, it is funnier.

I could see myself in it.

Fucking love Matthew McConaughey, still in his element.

Everyone else on stage, still just kind of listening to Matthew McConaughey.

Yeah.

He can, he can.

Oh, sorry.

Graham Norton just says something here.

That must be so hard to say no to.

It was.

But it, if saying no to it, I think, sent a little invisible message to Hollywood.

Oh, McConaughey is not bluffing.

We were talking about not flinching.

Yes, ask permission.

Oh, he's playing offense.

He's not just doing nothing.

He's playing, he's, he's, he's on to something.

And 20 months, two months after I turned that down, the offer came in that I was looking for, and they came in in droves.

It went Killer Joe, Mudd, the true detective, Dallas Buyers, Magic Mike.

They came in, everything I was looking for.

And I would not have, they would not have come in if I wouldn't have unbranded for that 20 months.

Yes, all right.

Now, Dwayne, you didn't have to unbrand.

You had enough seam going.

I can make whatever choice I want and I'm going to make this thing happen over here.

It was a time for me where I had to unbrand and it took 20 months, but then I was doing and all of a sudden my work was challenging the vitality of my life.

I was like, there you go.

Yeah, I know.

Absolutely.

He puts a lot of, he throws a lot of like seasoning on the ends of his sentences, which I guess like he came up with to be like, yeah, today I went to the doctor and I got some routine lab work done.

Yeah.

All right.

All right.

It is his like, but he's like, he spends it a little bit just to give himself another half second to come with, up with like just the dopest stuff.

Yeah, we all have killer words.

His just happened to be fucking chill

trademarked.

Yeah, like

unbelievable.

Yeah, that's cool.

The idea that the rock would be like,

but this is the moment that I got to see is like the rock being like, I'm trying so hard to get the rock skirt, and there's like nobody that could appreciate my journey.

And then Matthew McConaughey is like, well, hold on.

Hold on one second.

Hold on.

You know the great thing about that story.

Yeah.

It keeps getting older.

Yeah.

I keep seeing myself in it.

That is.

I also,

want to point out.

Guys, that was fucking great.

Really, really, really unhinged.

Really, truly, truly like peak

outer space fucking space alien shit.

Outside of Matthew McConaughey on a talk show, if you're out at a party and just some random person, you're talking and they jump in with this, the only response you will logically give is.

Okay, all right.

So

what I was saying was...

I do think it's a little fucked how he says you didn't have to unbrand The Rock.

You were a smashing machine already and the stars really aligned for you to that.

I would say, hey, Matt McConaughey, why not just be in a really good rom-com?

Well, you want to be pushed and challenged and get big awards for your work.

Just be in a super good rom-com that does that.

This is what The Rock, all The Rock asked is, I would like to still play a wrestler.

I just don't want to also wear a dress.

Yeah.

I want to be a wrestler.

I just also don't want to be the tooth fairy and have magic powers.

Yeah, that's too much.

If I would like to be a big man that throws people around, but not work for Santa Claus, if that's possible, yeah.

Well,

actually, I haven't seen the smashing machine, I don't know for sure that that guy doesn't work for Santa Claus.

The smashing machine, yeah, he does.

It's not brought up in the trailers, but you can't show everything.

I don't think the softies would peddle in such

lowbrow mainstream ideas.

Should we do a question on our advice show?

I'd love to.

Yeah, in our storytelling world, you can't control box office results.

But what I realize you can't control is your performance and your commitment to completely disappear and go elsewhere.

And I will always run to that opportunity.

It was my honor to transform in this role for my director, Benny Sadfi.

Thank you,

brother, for believing in me.

Truth is this film has changed my life.

With deep gratitude, respect, and radical empathy?

DJ.

Can I also point out, Justin, that another theme, yeah, a clear theme is he wants that rock score.

Another clear theme is this he doesn't think this movie is going to do well at the box office.

Travis, that is that is settled.

Almost guaranteed.

Travis, that is settled.

It looks to lose between 10 to 15 million dollars.

Yeah.

Now, the question you're asking yourself is, how many little gold statues?

Because you fought with that money well.

Well, we shall see, I suppose.

We shall see

well perhaps the perhaps the losses are not so great when one's going home with oscar gold i can't fucking i can't

i can't care this much about the results of an oscar i can't have that hanging over me i can't be watching the oscars fucking scared that it won't happen i can't but that assumes that assumes that you are

That assumes there's going to be a period between the nominations and the awards where you're still wondering if The Rock will be winning it or not.

So

I hope you're right.

I hope you're right.

I would love for just a nod.

The nod would be a huge.

The nod would be huge, but

it's not the same.

You can also live in the comfort, Griffin, of knowing that because we live in a multiverse, no matter what happens, there is a universe that exists somewhere where The Rock maybe wins all of the Oscars that night.

That's true.

Anything's, yeah.

But Travis, in in that, in that, what you're saying, though, is in that,

in some reality,

the rock is winning an AVN award for the smushing machine.

Yeah, like you could apply that to anything.

I didn't say, oh, I said, oh, the OSCE, well, the jumps in.

The rocks, yeah.

The rock could not be the rock, but instead, like a Hyundai Sonata that you can drive around in.

Like, it's

in a nearly infinite multiverse, perhaps infinite.

And if you put an apple in a box forever, eventually it'll turn into an iPhone.

That's...

Saw that on YouTube, guys.

Huh.

A rock can neither be created nor destroyed.

Man, we got to do a question at some point, but if you put an apple in a box forever, eventually it'll take every form of matter and be everything all it could possibly become, including an iPhone.

What I said wasn't any different from what you said.

Now, hold on, because I also want to point out, Griffin, that that implies it could happen right away.

No, it'll take a minute.

So, there has to be a set amount of time.

You can't just say for forever.

There's got to be a set amount of time between Apple and iPhone that you don't need to check the box.

If you put all the Apple particles in the box, they'll dissolve and turn into different particles and they'll bounce off each other, turn into anything and be any form of matter imaginable in this matter.

That's an

exact thing.

It's a pretty kick-ass box.

You can put anything in it, and it'll be in an iPhone forever.

600 trillion years?

No, for like a little bit.

What are you making a box out of that's lasting forever?

Can we do a question?

Yeah, my friend's grandma makes cool quilts, and I want to get one of them.

Problem is, I never met her grandma, and I can't think of a not rude way to ask my friend to ask her grandma to make me a quilt.

My birthday is in a couple months.

How can I suddenly hint to my friend that to get me a quilt from her grandma and make her think it was her idea?

That's from Quizzical Quilt Quandry in Queens.

Well,

huh?

It's a heck of a thing to ask ask someone's grandma.

It's like

the quilt is like the gift of the grandma.

Do you know what I mean?

I have my one.

I got a quilt from my granny.

Yeah.

And I got one.

And I don't use it ever because if something happened to it, I would be heartbroken.

That's my one I got.

That's his one he got.

And more importantly, he didn't have to reach out to Granny on Etsy Etsy to get her to make it for him.

It was just a sort of gift of the grandmother.

I do love the idea of like just sitting there and being like, hey, your grandma made this kick-ass quilt.

How much does she charge for quilts?

Yeah.

How much do you think raw materials plus labor for your grandmother?

Barry in mind.

If I give her a bunch of old fabric things that mean a lot to me,

will she make me one?

Here's a box with a hundred t-shirts in it.

Tell you.

Here's a box box with a hundred apples in it.

How long before it turns into a quilt from your grandma?

It'll turn into a hundred quilts, Travis.

It could turn into anything.

Now, if there's more apples in the box, shouldn't it have it faster?

So you could do a Tuesdays with Maury in this scenario, would be a good thing.

So many situations.

If you go to your grandma, if you go to your friend, you say, Hey, I heard your grandma will be passing away soon.

Wait, why would you say that?

I would love to spend some time.

Can you just mean statistically?

I would just love to spend some time with her

before she passes away.

And

I would just love it if she could teach me how to live by showing me how to die.

If your grandma could do that.

And I think maybe how to quilt.

And that's what they say.

And the guy says that in Tuesdays.

I don't want to learn how to quilt.

Yeah.

This person's pretty clear about that.

They don't want a hobby.

They want to quilt.

My favorite part of Tuesdays with Maury is when Maury is like, I'm about to, I'm fixing to die.

but first, I'll teach you how to live.

Yeah, that is what it is.

I mean, that is what it is.

What it says on the jacket, you know, it's that is.

Yeah, but the guy doesn't go to Maury and say, hey, you're looking not so great before you go.

And Maury's like, what?

The fuck?

What are you talking about?

Yeah.

Is that what happens in the book?

Yeah, man.

It's like very much about that.

What you're saying?

Yeah, dude.

That's why it was so sad and everybody was so horny for it because it was such a huge bummer.

You're hanging out with Maury and his dog Marley, and you're like, hey, you two look like you're going to die.

Marley and me is another, it's the exact same premise.

Yeah, it's the exact same premise as Susan Maury.

Yeah, but with a dog.

I,

you're, this,

I don't, if you want a quilt,

I'm sure you can, there are quilt artists in your area that you could contract to do this.

What is it about these grandma's quilts?

Is it because it would be presumably gratisse?

If that's your

sounds like it's a real dank quilt.

Maybe it's a really dank quilt, but it's that's grandma's give, guys.

It's like a grift of a grandma.

Are you willing to put in the work?

You know what I mean?

Because like, grandma means like

you got to take the calls.

You got to put in the phone calls.

You got to buy the, you know, you got to buy the frame.

You got to buy the aura frames.

You got to do it.

You got to put it in.

And not just until you get the quilt, because she'll repossess that shit.

She'll show up.

She will take your quilt back.

What?

No, No, she won't.

If you stop taking the calls, she'll show up and take the quilt.

Yeah.

No, the quilt has got...

If the grandma gives away the quilt,

if the grandma gives away the quilt too early, that's on grandma.

You know what I mean?

Got her.

Why buy the grandma if you can get the quilt for free?

Am I right?

Right.

Thank you for saying it, Trav.

Thank you.

We're all thinking it.

I bet she would be.

I bet you get burned like that with one grandkid.

You're not going to let that shit fly with another one.

You'll know.

You'll know.

You learn your lesson.

You want to what now?

Oh, so you can fucking bail?

Because

we're supposed to go to Bonnaroo.

I'll add one square for every Bonnaroo you take me to.

Fucking, that's good.

That's good.

What about Bumper Sheets doing it to a year?

No, fucking Bonnaroo only.

Bonnaroo.

That would be a sick.

Bring man is three squares.

It's a system.

It's a bargaining system.

It's like, if you take me to lunch, that's like one quarter of a square.

And I'm like, I'll maybe put like a one small sandwich or something in there.

But like, if it's a really good dinner, I might do a bigger steak in there.

And I'll take up more of a quilt.

You know what I mean?

It's like a bigger square.

If we go see a movie together and it turns out I don't like it, I'll take a square away.

Yeah.

Unstitch it.

Better research that.

If it is stitch, if it's a stitch movie, then I'll put double because I love stitch.

I love stitch so much, I'll just get in the mood for it.

But it will be, I'll put like four stitch squares whether you like stitch or not.

And sometimes you'll just be talking.

If you say some dope shit, like, grandma, you might be dying so I can learn how to live, I'll smile and I'll put a square in right there.

So you know, that was dope.

That was great.

That's a swipe update.

That'd be sick if grandma's like, I'm going to make you a quilt, but it's going to all be stitch because I love stitch.

Yeah.

Why do you think I got into sewing?

Oh, damn, that would be so brutal if you're like, yeah, I'll make a quilt for your friend.

He shows up.

It's just all stitch.

It's your friend's stitch.

It's a stitch waifu blanket.

Yeah.

What's that, Travis?

I don't know what a blanket is.

I'd rather not talk about it.

I know what like a pillow is, but a blanket.

Like it's a it's a quilt with like a sexy bikini stitch on it that you would wrap yourself up in to feel love in quilt form?

Yeah

My understanding is that those were usually that's usually the domain of pillows because then there's a there is a depth to it.

That's why they can only get it from this grandma.

She's the only person making white.

She's the only one making lewd quilts, lewd stitch memorabilia.

It doesn't have to be lewd, Griffin.

It could be beautiful, huh?

Okay.

Okay.

Beautiful.

Hey, let's go to the money, son.

Spread Eagle.

I'm sorry.

You didn't have to.

The door was right there.

When you're feeding yourself,

there are so many factors to consider.

Oh,

how much time you've got.

What ingredients you have in the home.

If you're deaf, you're about to realize this.

Chat, you're about to realize this.

Travis just set up a fucking banger with that.

Because

the company we're doing is factor.

The company we're doing is factor.

You're going to be like, God damn, that's a good one, Travis.

Griffin.

He was in the middle of the house.

I'm just trying to hypothesize.

Did you write that from the record?

Can Can we that I'm hyping you?

No, but you said the reveal.

Well, that's only so they know when you hit it later that they're going to be like totally amped because they'll know what but I was just about to hit it.

Okay, well, go ahead.

You're the one holding it up now.

I'm sitting here waiting, watching.

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I want a munch.

Squad.

I want to munch.

Squad.

Travis, stop cross-stitching.

I'm not cross-stitching.

I'm sewing leather.

We're plugged in now, dude.

That was us getting plugged in.

Thanks.

I was mid-stitch.

You have to understand.

Griffin,

do you watch Love Island?

Stitch Blanket.

No, I watch Love is Blind.

Love Island is weirdly the only one of those that I don't watch.

I love Island.

Son of a gun.

This is going to be tough.

So you guys are going to have to help me decode this, and we're just going to do a little guesswork here.

Maybe a little quick Googling.

I watch so many shows like Love Island.

I think I could probably.

I just wanted to tell you, Griffin, that Sweet Green launches new Ranchy Baddy Bowl in partnership with Love Island reality TV stars.

Ranchy Batty Blue?

Ranchy Batty Bowl?

Ranchy Batty Brady.

Ranchy Bowdy.

Ranchy Baddy Bowl.

Oh, yeah.

On the heels of Sweet Green's viral fall campaign featuring Nick Van Steenberg.

Nicolandria Nation fans.

Now that Nicolandria Nation is the name of the fans of the pairing of Nick Van Steenberg and Alandria Carthen.

Okay.

Okay.

Okay.

So it's not a good format.

They are a very famous names together.

Thank you, Travis.

Yes.

So they're a very famous and loved couple from Love Island.

So

to answer the question of where's Alandria, Sweet Green responded with a co-created collab bowl that's as extra and iconic as this breakout couple themselves.

The Ranchy Batty Bowl is the perfect mix of heat and crunch and is available for a limited time at participating locations nationwide starting October 6th.

Can I tell you, Justin, so far in this press release, I don't know what food is contained within the Ranchy Batty Bowl.

That's okay.

You don't need to know that shit.

I'm looking at Mr.

Nicholas Van Steenberg right now, and he looks so much like James Marsden, it's kind of crazy.

It's kind of crazy.

I think

I'm going to make a prequel show called Like Isthmus.

Yeah.

And if you

do well on Like Isthmus, then

you start at Neutral Peninsula.

Yes.

You have to climb your way there from minor sort of dislike delta.

But can you escape Hatred Cove?

Everyone's fighting in Hatred Cove.

You get bummed back down, too.

You fuck up.

You got to fight your way out of Hatred Cove.

The whole time you're on Hatred Cove, it's like so weird because you're like, I thought this was the beach that makes you old.

I thought this was Old Beach.

It's Hate Cove.

That's a different old beach is

across the pond.

Yeah, but unlike Isthmus, you are there to make friends.

The ball is there to make friends.

The ball features kale, white rice, blackened chicken, shredded cabbage, tortilla chips, sweet potatoes, jammy tomatoes, and crispy onions.

More shit.

There's four things in there that would run right through me.

But it is sweet, spicy, and a little chaotic.

Yeah.

In all the right ways to make sure everyone's heads turn.

This drop celebrates how Sweet Green and Nicolandria Nation come together around food that tastes amazing and feels even better to eat.

Oh, bold.

A bold.

Hey, this is for all those people out there who don't like shitty, gross food.

Listen to this one, Trev.

Listen.

Alandria and Nick are rallying Nicolandria Nation to help make the Ranchy Baddy Bowl the top seller at Sweet Green.

I should hope so.

Yeah, I would hope they'd be putting their back into it, man.

Yeah, but are you supposed to say that?

Like, I don't think you're supposed to say that in it.

I don't think you're supposed to say, like, in the commercial.

We're trying, really.

We're giving it away.

Please, we're trying to get them.

You can throw them away if you don't want it.

Just buy them, buy it.

Please, it helps us.

I wish I could go back later and be like, hey, was there a Nicolandria Nation?

Did it?

Did it?

They come in to buy your salad.

I would be very interested to know that.

I mean, they bought Trav Nation, that's for sure.

Sweet Green has always been about listening.

Sweet Green, if you want to reach out to me with a Trav Nation salad,

it's right there.

I famously ate salad for many days in a row.

Famously.

It's all anyone ever talks about.

Yeah.

Sweet Green has always been about listening.

Thank you for asking, Justin, what would be in my salad?

Yeah, I was actually dying to know.

Thank you.

Thank you for asking.

Peanut butter MMs.

Crazy.

Fucking awful.

That's awesome.

Did you know that the disappointed sort of like lean back drink look doesn't work as good when you are drinking from a Disney on ice cream?

It's not as cool.

For you, God damn.

I just wanted to enjoy some of my protein coffee.

Yeah.

In peace.

But you're doing it

out of a big child's cup, I will say.

And that's the only way I have room to mix

old coffee and the protein drinks

and MMs in a chocolate milkshake, but in a bowl.

Yeah.

So no leaves.

Sweet green is always

a break.

Chocolate is from a plant, Griffin.

Welcome to Sweet.

I'm Travis.

Here's my Sweet Bowl.

Fans want a Nicolandria, and we're excited to deliver a bowl that channels.

Gummy Bears, too.

All right, finish.

Because in that cold milk, Travis, I'm done with the interruptions.

Now I need to know more about this bowl so I have more to joke about.

Fans want a Nicolandria, and

we're excited to deliver a bowl that channels their bold energy while staying true to our ethos.

Probably food that's fresh, flavorful, flavorful, and rooted in real ingredients from farmers and partners we know and trust.

There was an editor that went over this that saw the usage of the words bowl and bold one word apart and were like, that feels like something we should cut.

But then they remembered what they were editing and they're like, oh, fucking, what am I doing?

I don't have any time for it.

How would you guys feel if someone could sum up your personal ethos?

With a ranchy baddie bowl?

With a ranchy baddie bowl.

Pretty fucking good.

Honestly, it would probably save me a lot in like therapy and uh a lot of the work that i have to do would be way easier if i had a self-reflecting oh you want to get to know what i'm all about just eat this salad eat this salad

this is where i'm trying to keep my spirits up guys but well hold on let me just working with sweet green on the ranchy baddie bowl has been such a fun ride said nick van steenberg we loved creating something together that we can't wait for the fans to try i don't think that's what his voice would he's so handsome i do not think his voice would sound like that.

The fans asked and sweet green delivered, said Olandrea Carthen.

Getting to create this bow with Nick has been such a blast.

The ranchy batty bowl is spicy, playful, and packed with personality, and we can't wait for everyone to taste it.

I just feel like you should, this is me now, I just feel like you should be able to go into a fucking salad store without having to know the neologism that Instagram has cooked up for the celebrity couple du jour.

You know what I mean?

Like, can I, I, do you want a ranchy baddie bowl?

What the fuck are you talking about?

We made it with Nicolandria Nation.

Go stop.

Yeah.

I'm going to McDonald's.

Give me that bowl of peanut butter MMs in a milkshake.

What does BTS want me to have?

I mean, you can say I'm going to McDonald's, but sometimes McDonald's will be like, do you want what BTS is having?

They will explicitly be like, I know.

I'm complaining about McDonald's too.

I shouldn't have to know who someone is.

If you're going to do a food deal with someone, they should be famous for doing food properly.

You know what I mean?

Kitty Rogers Roasters is where we went wrong.

Why did anybody listen to him about chicken?

Start there.

He did the gambler and islands in the stream, you know?

Yeah.

Absolutely.

And Michael Richards Spaghetti Factory.

Got to.

Did you guys know that that was the first two words of Spaghetti Factory before they put some distance between themselves and Mr.

Richards?

Did you know that, listener?

It's true.

That man loves spaghetti.

And making it.

And making it and really going off the chains with some really, really racist, really, really, really, really smart.

My brother used to host a podcast about reality dating shows.

Sure.

And if he doesn't know.

You don't know.

Then you, why are you doing an entire salad about it?

It makes me so angry.

Yeah.

I mean,

still probably wouldn't have followed it.

Just sweet green sort of works in sort of food materials that I don't, that my body sort of does reject via osmosis if I, if I go, if I overindulge.

Another question.

Recently, my question, my husband and I were at a restaurant and overheard another couple talking about the other types of cuisine they enjoy.

They described a few dishes that my husband and I knew, but they couldn't remember the name of.

We both really wanted to tell them the dish names, but felt too awkward cutting into a private conversation.

Is there a graceful way to cut into a conversation with vital information that the other party so desperately needs without seeming like an eavesdropping creep?

That's from Holly Pruitt, Georgia.

Okay.

Straight up and down.

I think quick, quick one.

No.

No.

Yeah.

It's like, we have a whole thing about that.

Okay, now hold on.

Here he goes.

Here's my question for you guys.

Is this why I included because you knew that you were going to have the nasty boy argument for it?

No, no, no.

no.

Yes.

So

my question is, is there a level of private conversation, this noise level in public where it becomes a public conversation by default?

If you're talking about it loudly enough that I'm a table over

and I know exactly what you're talking about, I don't think that's a private conversation.

Let me ask you, I'm an incredible observer of the human condition.

Go ahead.

The idea that I wouldn't perceive everything going on around me with perfect clarity is truly, truly unhinged.

Of course, I'm seeing everything.

It's courtesy.

And I'm acting like I'm not observing the entirety of the world around me

at all times.

Because you don't want that pressure.

You don't want the, we all know when we're out at a restaurant that everyone is listening to everything that we are saying, but we don't need the pressure of them confirming that for us.

I was at a, I was at, Rachel and I went to a dim sum, Michelin star dim sum restaurant in Hong Kong, and we got in there and it was just, it was just long lunch table seating.

It was just long, unbroken lunch table seating and we were you know elbows to asses with people dining next to each other across from just absolute strangers and even then travis i do not think it's okay to be like uh i think you mean

kachioi pepe like i don't think you were allowed to do that i don't think you can Is there a level of frustration that the people talking about it reach and not being able to think of it, at which point you are doing a a service so welcome that you won't be shunned for it.

No.

Okay.

No.

I don't think there's any daylight here, man.

The only time, the only time I, I will sometimes, here's what I will say.

The only move where you can maybe get in there

is sometimes I will be having a conversation with someone and I will realize that I have said something so loudly.

unintentionally that it has become a more public conversation.

And then at that point, I might try to throw out like, I meant to do this the entire time, kind of like, right, everybody?

You know what I mean?

Like, I was actually trying to bring us all in.

I wasn't.

I just start yelling for no reason.

But if they're trying to play that off, then maybe you can slide in with like, actually.

You are also robbing them of that great moment.

Like 30 minutes later or on the drive home where one of them just immediately clicks finally and they're like, cachewie pepe.

And then you laugh and they kiss and they

because of that moment.

If they they really wanted the answer, they would Google it, right?

Isn't that the implication?

Yeah.

Yeah.

If you do that to me, I will assume you just Googled it faster than I did, probably using some wasteful AI.

And then I'm going to.

Sorry, my mid-journey glasses tell me that you wanted me to say cachu epepe.

I'm not even sure what that meant, but I got a prompt that said, go say cachupe to those people.

So I'm just coming over to say that.

My meta oracles actually heard you before you said out loud what you were saying.

And cachu epepe

the spec said so zuckerberg asked me to come ask you to review this place on yeah google maps if you wouldn't mind thank you are they always watching their glasses so i hope so i can close my eyes but there's

cover them good i guess i just think we're a little too disconnected

Absolutely we are fully Travis 100%.

Yeah.

We're not going to start building bridges by correcting each other at rest.

Yeah, but like but like Travis, you're 100% right.

But if you walk over to be like, catch your pepe, the person at the table is not going to be like, yes, it starts here.

You know what I mean?

Like, embrace me.

Maybe you guys take me on your arms.

Because I've done this before and I am a welcome addition to any table and friend group.

People love it when I help them remember the names of cuisines that they like.

That's possible.

That's possible.

I think it's possible.

I think maybe 30% of people will receive that and they'll like it.

So maybe you've just gotten kind of lucky.

Yeah, and I will also say, Travis, there's a big difference between getting corrected and getting corrected by a world-famous podcaster.

You know what I mean?

Like, of course, they're going to be a little excited.

That is true, because usually when I'm like, is it Cachio Pepe?

Hi, I'm Travis Snacker.

All right.

I got a little glitter on your shoulder.

Hi, I'm Travis Mackeroy.

I'm going to actually, there's a definitive answer to this that we have not even considered yet, and it is absolute fucking lootly no, because what if you're wrong?

Oh, chill.

Can you fucking imagine you walk over there?

Wasn't it?

They're like, what was that dish?

It was like a noodles with a white

roll up like

cacio epe.

And they're like, no, fettuccine Alfredo, actually, we were thinking of.

It's crazy.

I couldn't remember the name of that.

You being such a turd reminded us of the right answer.

We hate you.

We hate you so much.

You're welcome.

You're welcome.

Thank you so much for listening to our podcast.

Hey, this week, we're going to be in Salt Lake City and San Diego.

Will you please come see us?

The last shows of the 20 Thunder Drive tour.

We're going to be doing the 50th Taz Live.

That's wild.

We're going to be going back to balance for this show.

We're going to have Erica Ishii as a special guest and Griffin McElroy will be GMing that.

If you're coming to a bamboo show and you got a question you want answered or fear you want read aloud, email that, mbmbam at maximumfund.org.

Put your city in the subject line.

More info and ticket links are available at bit.ly forward slash mcElroy tours.

But here's the exciting news.

It's not our last show of the year.

No, it's from my man.

Yeah.

Well, I said it was the last show of our 20 Thunder Drive tour.

Yeah, I think it's not the last show of the year.

No way.

Because this year for Candle Nights, we're going back to Huntington, doing a live show, but you can still join us even if you can't make the trip in person because we're doing the in-person show December 6th at 7 p.m.

Tickets on sale this Friday, October 17th at 12 p.m.

Eastern Time, which includes the virtual stream ticket because we will be streaming a digital premiere of the recording of the show with bonus behind-the-scenes footage, all kinds of stuff.

That premieres on December 19th at 9 p.m.

Eastern Time.

Will be in the chat for the premiere, and there will be video on demand access through January 3rd.

Tickets are available now, and all proceeds from the show will be donated to Harmony House, which seeks to end homelessness in the Huntington area through permanent housing and supportive service programs.

Tickets for both events are available at bit.ly/slash candle nights 2025.

That's bit.ly slash candle nights 2025.

It's going to be very fun.

We've been working on it and coming up with some ideas that I'm just fucking stoked about.

I'm also stoked about Montane for letting us use the theme song My Life is Better With You.

It really is a great album, one of my faves of the year,

getting a lot of rotation on my devices.

Hey, also, we have merch over at macroremerch.com that you should go check out.

Do we have a fear?

We do.

Tell it to me.

Griffin, why don't you read it?

I demand it.

This year, I'm going to be faster than my fear of the ceiling fan being at max speed.

My name's Justin McElroy.

I'm Travis McElroy.

I'm Griffin McElroy.

It's been my brother, my brother.

May kiss your dad square on the lips.

it's better, it's better with you.

Cause it's true.

It's better, it's better with you.

My life,

it's better with you.

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