MBMBaM 786: Flatman

Speaker 1 The McElroy brothers are not experts, and their advice should never be followed. Travis insists he's a sexpert, but if there's a degree on his wall, I haven't seen it.

Speaker 1 Also, this show isn't for kids, which I mention only so the babies out there will know how cool they are for listening. What's up, you cool baby?

Speaker 2 It's the start

Speaker 2 of something beautiful.

Speaker 2 A small acquaintance has gossiped. It's ripened into a precious friendship.

Speaker 2 I could have never seen what was coming for me.

Speaker 2 Hangs at the skate park, hangs by the beach. My life,

Speaker 2 it feels love.

Speaker 2 It's better, it's better with you.

Speaker 2 My life,

Speaker 2 it's better, it's better with you.

Speaker 2 This is true.

Speaker 2 It's better, it's better with two.

Speaker 2 Hello, everybody, and welcome to my brother, my brother, me and Advice Show for the Modern Era. I'm your oldest brother, Justin McElroy.
What's up, Trav Nation? It's me, your middlest brother, Travis,

Speaker 2 or Travis Big Dog, Wolf Wolf McElroy.

Speaker 3 Shit, he's doing remixes of

Speaker 3 some of your favorite classics. This is your sweet baby brother, Griffin McElroy, and Justin is joining us from fucking G4 TV, fucking tech TV ass attacker show.

Speaker 2 It's G4 mid-aughts. I got my Funko Pops in here.
Yeah,

Speaker 2 we got a big officey cross stitches.

Speaker 3 Huge office remodel. And folks not watching this, because it may or may not be watchable.

Speaker 3 Yeah, but it's also my face and Travis's.

Speaker 2 I hate that my face is

Speaker 2 see it justin's we're zoomed out on juice except

Speaker 3 establishing shots

Speaker 3 interior daytime

Speaker 3 don't change your shirt justin gets embarrassed and has to change his shirt we're zoomed out so the crop includes a little bit of desk we've got some keyboard action on there i think we're seeing the top of his monitor this is the news station It's like Justin's our man in the chair.

Speaker 3 And Travis, I noticed that maybe to match, you've also zoomed out your own camera so that your keyboard's in it. And did you just turn it backwards?

Speaker 2 The shirt? It's backwards?

Speaker 2 I don't want.

Speaker 2 It was very distracting. Well, if it's me.
Yeah.

Speaker 2 And I try to think about if I'm going to be looking at a camera when I get dressed in the morning to see if I have pictures of myself or things that I have made up. Yeah, you're also.

Speaker 2 I don't like to do that.

Speaker 3 I think maybe it's just the way your shit's set up now, Juices. You're barreling a lot.
You're giving me lots of

Speaker 2 Jim Halperie. Can I say what I'm doing?

Speaker 3 I'm going to go right to the fucking dome.

Speaker 2 If I can bring you guys inside the bit. Okay.
So I'm still figuring out some of the the quirks of the studio, okay?

Speaker 2 You guys are down here. So do you see this blue thing? Yeah.
That's you guys. Okay.

Speaker 2 And then, and then the hoops troops, they're up there. Okay.
What I'm getting right now is helping me. What's helping me to remember to not focus on, because I've been so focused on you guys.

Speaker 2 Yeah, but that's not. We don't pay you.
You don't pay me. No.
They pay me. And what I'm getting right now is very much Justin like News Anchor.

Speaker 2 And with my thing zoomed out, you can see so many plants that I feel like i'm in the field yeah like i'm reporting in the field and so griffin i'm picturing you in a helicopter see for me i was thinking i'm like the guy at the board and they switch to him like every like just show him like

Speaker 2 doing that to like someone in the corner as well like when registers kathy lee used to like cut to their like director yeah they would say something like

Speaker 3 and you know who loves stinky pizza is teddy and they cut to teddy in the studio and he's not even like paying attention he's like over there hit the tape yeah

Speaker 3 that's me right now you guys have fucking an 8K fucking attack of the TV, TV-ass news desk. And I look like a champion.

Speaker 2 I love how Griffin keeps holding out high-definition feeds. It's something to be embarrassed of.

Speaker 3 You're so crisp, dude. I can see your vascularity.
It's crazy, dude.

Speaker 2 Talk about my plants, Griffin.

Speaker 3 Your plants look good too, dude, but you're giving me like three, three and a half K tops just.

Speaker 2 Yeah, I turned down the K's so that it wouldn't be overwhelming for Trav Nation.

Speaker 3 I'm getting blasted by the K's right now.

Speaker 2 I can't give Trav Nation too much.

Speaker 2 You know what I mean? Yeah. The loyalty is already spiking.
Dirty dogs.

Speaker 2 They are.

Speaker 3 Yeah.

Speaker 2 And I love it. I love my dirty dogs.
Oh, yeah. You do say that privately a lot.
Will Batman get to heaven? That's from Matt. Thank you, Travis.

Speaker 3 Thanks, Travis, for putting that question.

Speaker 2 This is a big swing at the beginning. Yeah.
And it's not an advice question. It's not the kind of thing we normally.

Speaker 3 No,

Speaker 2 I'm so confused by why you chose to to lead off with it I think sometimes it's nice to have a good thought starter Matt Matt

Speaker 2 I will say what

Speaker 2 what Travis just said is true is that sometimes it is nice to have a good thought starter yeah it is true and now like that

Speaker 2 is this is a boiled down like hey do you want to get to the heart of morality in one simple question in a few words would batman get into heaven yeah this is going to say a lot i think individually about our views on morality so this is actually one of the things the perks the studio does have that i think is really exciting is

Speaker 2 it's got this holy shit board that i've hooked up to our youtube right so like i can see what travis is doing i can see the effect it's having our subscribers and let me just take a quick look

Speaker 2 No, it's not moving the needle at all, Trav. We are stuck at 398.
I'm so sorry, man. I'm so sorry.
No new subscribers from this bit. I'm sorry.
They want us to...

Speaker 2 If you need to hit a million so that my children will respect me even more

Speaker 2 because I have the silver play button up on my wall, but that's 100,000 subscribers, and I don't think that's reflective.

Speaker 3 If we don't get to 500,000 subscribers today, they're going to put me back in the big button box. And you guys know that I hate the big button box.

Speaker 3 They make me guess the button that lets me out, but most of the buttons just burn me and dump worms.

Speaker 2 This is churning out the pixels that people crave yeah and i'm wearing a batman shirt which is complete a complete happenstance for this question so would batman is still a pressing concern yeah we are still going to address batman okay so we know from the movie where the boy

Speaker 3 gets gets zapped while he's on the ferris wheel and dies for 10 minutes that heaven is for real batman is debatable.

Speaker 3 I'm guessing we don't want to get into semantics like, is Clooney getting into heaven?

Speaker 2 No, I think conceptual Batman. Okay.
A Batman of the Mind.

Speaker 3 Batman. Okay.

Speaker 3 He's never murdered, but that's just one of the sins. So, like, you don't get up there and St.
Pete's like, let me check, no murders. That's cool.
Go on it. Punisher is not getting into heaven.

Speaker 2 Punisher.

Speaker 2 Why can't Punisher get into heaven?

Speaker 3 That's the thing. Punisher's done a lot of murders, but he's not.

Speaker 2 Punisher is, hey, hey, Trav, I'll just say Punisher's a vet.

Speaker 3 He's a vet, and I can't believe you'd say that.

Speaker 2 Have a a good Monday. He's never done that.
Punisher is getting into heaven. Enjoy your Monday, dude.

Speaker 3 Punisher's never had one impure sexual thought, even one time. Nor has anyone who wears Punisher merchandise in real life.
Never one lustful idea even crossed his life.

Speaker 2 I will say we've seen Batman,

Speaker 2 we've seen Batman succumb to the charms of Catwoman. Oh, yeah.
Poison Ivy.

Speaker 3 I bet he watches pornography on his big computer in his bat cave.

Speaker 2 uh

Speaker 2 we all know what happens certain scheduled times where alfred's not allowed to come down yeah dude so if he gets to heaven and we're i think we have to assume okay the way we were raised thank you the way we were raised back in my day okay the way we were raised what we understood is that The only way you got into heaven was through an abiding faith in Jesus Christ as your Savior, right?

Speaker 3 They were way more chill than that for me. They were super chill.
They did not not say that

Speaker 2 you got a different feel.

Speaker 3 They were like, just say you're saved. And I'm saying, I'm saved.
And they're like, you're good. Go for it, man.

Speaker 2 But you don't know the content. You could say it out loud.
You can proclaim it from the body of the church, but only Christ knows the contents of Batman's heart. You know what I mean?

Speaker 2 So, like, I can't sit here and tell you authoritatively if Batman will get into heaven because that is such a deep and personal connection between him and Jesus Christ.

Speaker 2 And if he has been faith in that crimson blood that was shed so many years ago on Calvary, I will say, Justin, Justin, the new studio setup has really changed your views on face.

Speaker 3 Dude, I gotta say, it's changed a lot about the energy of this show. I can't stress enough.

Speaker 3 We never push people to our video content in the audio feeds. You simply must see the vibe Justin's serving right now.
It's really, really crazy.

Speaker 2 It's a huge power play.

Speaker 3 It's a dominance play that I was, you did not want

Speaker 2 turning on our religious upbringing. If you'll let me finish the thoughts, what I'm saying is that Batman,

Speaker 2 I don't want to go to a heaven where someone who has worked so hard right uh-huh for the people of gotham is not going to be admitted for why because he was episcopalian or methodist or whatever the wrong team come on well i think it would more because he punched all those people yeah punching punching's fine got jesus flipped over the tables excellent point There was that one day where Jesus beat ass and people really, really, I don't know, they like to bring that one up a lot.

Speaker 3 I feel like you hear less about the parables and more about the time he went absolutely ape shit on the moneylenders.

Speaker 2 Yeah, that rule, though.

Speaker 3 I mean, yeah, but it's like

Speaker 3 he also healed people from death.

Speaker 3 But everyone just wants to talk about the time he went fucking John Wick-ass, nobody-ass on those

Speaker 2 candy ass moneylenders. You know what?

Speaker 2 I wonder sometimes about the water into wine because that was like his crappy Mountain Goats cassette first try demo tape, and everybody's still talking about it.

Speaker 2 I mean, like, he can't even talk about wine and water without somebody being like, let me just say that.

Speaker 2 do you think he could do other liquids into other liquids, or do you think he was limited to that combination?

Speaker 3 It's probably just that, but we're, I mean, we can talk all day about how cool Jesus is.

Speaker 2 I don't want to talk about Jesus.

Speaker 2 I don't think Batman would go to heaven because he would request to go to hell to beat more ass.

Speaker 3 Oh, that's cool, dude.

Speaker 2 I think that St. Pete would be like, Yeah, Batman, come on in.
He'd be like, No, send me to hell. Yeah, I'm going to beat up demons.

Speaker 2 Okay, okay, wait. Hmm.
If I'm Batman and I get to choose,

Speaker 2 which I like that, I would go to hell. Why? Because of the existence of Lazarus Pit.
So, Raza Aghul and his daughter Talya have access to Lazarus Pit that can bring people back from life.

Speaker 2 From death, excuse me. To life.
Okay, so Batman won't

Speaker 2 bring people back from life.

Speaker 3 Batman's one rule is he won't bring people back from life.

Speaker 2 I learned my lesson. I try to bring my mom back and she's a zombie.
It's so scary. She's trapped in this big metal suit of arms.

Speaker 2 she's the big pity i up that made my mom into a big pity with magic she's my big pity i'm sorry alfred

Speaker 2 she's the big pity okay what i was saying is if i'm batman and i know there's a chance that talia ago or her father raza is going to summon me back to existence with the lazarus pit yeah i do not want to be pulled out of the bosom of jesus yeah i want to come back from hell yeah mad can you imagine a batman who was already pretty scary yeah and then he was with he went to hell for a while.

Speaker 2 We get kind of a ghost rider Batman is what you're describing. That's probably

Speaker 3 there's got to be.

Speaker 2 You got to do that amalgam crossover.

Speaker 3 There's got to be like an Alan Moore strip where Batman does go to hell.

Speaker 2 So Alan Moore's comic strips were amazing. I used to read him in the newspaper every Sunday morning.
Yeah. And then his

Speaker 2 funnies.

Speaker 2 Just

Speaker 2 right below Slylock Fox.

Speaker 2 His run on Mutts was epic. Yeah,

Speaker 2 so good. He took Beetle Bailey in such a weird direction.
Is Batman going to get into heaven, though, Travis? Well, he'll never die. Okay, that's interesting.

Speaker 2 See, that's what I was touching on. The Lazarus pit.

Speaker 2 It's like, you're talking about a narrative version of a Batman that can't die, which is, I don't think, most helpful for determining an afterlife, right?

Speaker 2 If Batman were to die, I think he would go to heaven because I think God would want to have a damage. Batman's not going to die.

Speaker 3 You guys don't know about this, but Batman can't kill people. And so all of his bad guys, they also know they can't kill Batman.

Speaker 2 You saw me just take Travis by the scruff of his neck and bring him back to the premise of the question and say what will happen.

Speaker 2 And then you immediately piled on it and say, no, no, no, Batman can't die. Griffin, is Batman going to heaven when he dies or hell? I'm saying Batman doesn't kill people.

Speaker 3 Batman doesn't kill people, so they know not to kill him. It's haunted house rules.

Speaker 2 That's true because in Batman Beyond, canonically, we get old man Batman. Yeah.
And Batman dies, it will be him trying to do one of his sick-ass disappearances too fast.

Speaker 3 It'll be somebody turning around, right?

Speaker 2 And they're like, anyway, Batman, I was going to. And then they turn around, like, where'd he go? And then they're going to hear, ah, fuck.
Yeah, yeah.

Speaker 3 He's ziplining up. That's how they'll get him.
He's zip line up to the gargoyle.

Speaker 2 But he doesn't stop it fast.

Speaker 3 Gargoyle will fall right on him. Squish at Batman pizza.

Speaker 2 Yep. Now he's been heading Arkham's.

Speaker 2 I did that at Arkham City constantly. It happens all the time.
All the time. It is a hazard of the job.

Speaker 3 He gets a Batman. He's nervous.
He approaches St. Pete's.
St. Pete's like, don't worry, punching's okay.
And you never had a single lustful thought.

Speaker 2 Also, the Joker's here.

Speaker 3 The Joker is here.

Speaker 2 The Joker also got in.

Speaker 3 He did a lot of bad stuff actions, but his heart and his brain was very good. And we love that here.

Speaker 2 And he kept the tithe, man. I don't know what to tell you.
Joker was, he was a dill.

Speaker 3 He did 15% Batman. He went above and beyond.

Speaker 2 Yeah, he's in, man. He got weird like six times.
All we cared about was tithing. That was the whole time.
That was the whole bit.

Speaker 2 That's why he kept robbing banks to afford his tithes. That's it.

Speaker 2 You don't have to take care of anybody. Just tithe 10%.
I'll take care of the rest.

Speaker 3 Batman's got to go to heaven. Next question, please.

Speaker 2 Is learning the yo-yo really that hard or is it just me? I'm not one trying to... Okay, sorry.
There's a lot of words in this one. I'm going to take another pass.
Okay.

Speaker 2 Is learning to yo-yo really hard or is it just me? I'm not one to keep trying at something that I'm not good at immediately, but I really want to yo-yo.

Speaker 2 Do y'all remember ever being relatively proficient in throwing yo-yo?

Speaker 2 I watched so many tutorial videos, and I'm still banging my head against the wall here. Please, I want to have yo-yo fun and also impress my BF.
Thank you.

Speaker 3 Are you going to say who that's from?

Speaker 2 Yep.

Speaker 2 Yo, Nope in Charlotte. That's from Yo Nope in Charlotte.
Now, Justin, you had a proficient yo-yo phase. Is that correct?

Speaker 2 I

Speaker 2 like all my fixations. I got just good enough to annoy people that actually know what they're doing.
That's what I would say.

Speaker 2 I got just enough to act like I know too much in conversation. Yep.
I could do like 10 tricks.

Speaker 2 I will say, honestly, this person is probably the yo-yo. There's some yo-yos that have a tight fixed axle.
Oh, God. That just want to come right back.
Tell me about it.

Speaker 3 No, I'm agreeing. This is not exasperation.
This is me expressing frustration with a tight fixed axle.

Speaker 2 It's not frustration. That's better for looping tricks.
But if you want to do sleeping tricks, you need a loose axle that's going to spin.

Speaker 3 You need a butterfly to DNA.

Speaker 2 Butterfly, if you want to do like a looping trick, like you want to catch it on the spot. We love those.
Yeah. You can mod it.

Speaker 3 Mod it, too. Moderate it, mod it, extra bearings.

Speaker 2 Add some LEDs.

Speaker 3 Fatter bearings, LEDs. You started with a yo-yo.

Speaker 2 Cool,

Speaker 2 that's a the yo-yo ball that comes back to you all the time.

Speaker 3 Now, that's that's interesting because that's one of the worst ideas that you've done today. And it's because, did you know that a yo-yo ball is a toy invented by Satan to challenge us?

Speaker 3 And it makes kids see it and they say, I want that. And you say, cool, yeah, yo-yo ball.
That's a staple of my youth. Let's grab it.

Speaker 3 But what you forget is that it's a heavy plastic ball that you throw, and then it actually, and they don't put this in the commercials, is designed to come right back at your teeth as fast and as hard as it possibly can.

Speaker 3 It's a plastic ball you throw that then comes right for your mouth to punch.

Speaker 2 A self-inflicted mace.

Speaker 3 It's a mace. It's a morning star that you use on yourself.
And it doesn't even look a little like yo-yoang.

Speaker 2 Originally, a yo-yo griffin was a weapon.

Speaker 2 A yo-yo was designed to be at the top of a tree and you would hide in the tree and then you would drop the tool and you would hit the person and that's how you bring it back.

Speaker 2 Just like in Star Tropics. Just like in Star Tropics.
Exactly. But I don't think it was a weapon.

Speaker 3 I don't think they invented the yo-yo and the person who invented the weapon, yo-yo, was like, hey, guys, check this shit out. Wow, wow, wow, pow in their own face to hurt themselves.

Speaker 2 Probably the first time, though.

Speaker 3 Yeah.

Speaker 2 I don't think the first person to invent a yo-yo pulled off Walk the Dog the first time.

Speaker 3 It would be so cool if we never got weapons better than Yo-Yo's. And so then all

Speaker 2 war

Speaker 3 was just sort of

Speaker 2 just doing that. And the Second Amendment was like, right to bear yo-yos?

Speaker 3 Yeah, but I think that would be better.

Speaker 2 Yeah, Griffin, I actually

Speaker 2 do think that would be better. Is it just our country? Because I do think we will be beat up a lot or is it world? We need all the countries to agree on it.

Speaker 2 Again, Griffin, let's say this: if it's just our country, we're going to need some very good yo-yos or very big yo-yos.

Speaker 3 Yeah, and can't have any tight axles here because we're going to be.

Speaker 2 That would be the arms race. It's like just keep making yo-yos bigger and bigger.
Yeah, yeah, yeah. Until eventually, they're like, you can't have that yo-yo is the size of a Volkswagen beetle.

Speaker 2 You can't use that. It's a war crime to use that yo-yo.

Speaker 3 You could have like Duncan have its own paramilitary force that they use, mercenaries trained in the art of forbidden yo-yos with two struggles.

Speaker 2 Yo-Jos.

Speaker 3 Yo-Jos.

Speaker 2 I'm kind of struggling a little bit. Can I talk to you guys for a second? Yeah,

Speaker 2 yeah, yeah. Let's go over here.

Speaker 2 I spent that time. I spent that time learning yo-yo tricks, and I have not done a yo-yo trick.
I've not touched yo-yo in years. I know you have.
I'm sitting here thinking, like,

Speaker 2 a younger me, a different me, a yo-younger you, would have gone to get the yo-yo and say, like, for the, for the pod,

Speaker 2 for the divine, I'll do it. Like, and I'm not, I'm clearly not.
I'm not standing, I'm not going to get it.

Speaker 3 Yeah, I was not doing that.

Speaker 2 I'm staying here. Now, you did see him to turn your shirt around.
So, like, we know that that

Speaker 3 are you afraid we'll see your back and see the design with your face on it and know that your shirt is backwards or is it an

Speaker 2 inside out, okay? So that our faces are against the current

Speaker 2 flattering. So, sorry, Trav, the cut would be

Speaker 2 not, you're right.

Speaker 3 Yeah, I don't know what I was thinking. Hey, Justin,

Speaker 3 go get your fucking yo-yo.

Speaker 2 Go get your

Speaker 2 shine box.

Speaker 2 Okay, let me just see. I don't even know if I have one.
Sheesh. Okay, this is the second time he's left.

Speaker 3 Well, he has to get his yo-yo because I want to see.

Speaker 3 I'll be honest, Travis. We just got back from what felt like our fourth tour in a month and a half.
I'm feeling a little bit worn out, a little exhausted for this early morning.

Speaker 3 And you think this is going to really pump me up?

Speaker 3 I think a yo-yo trick would boost me. And fucking 24K, like he's serving right now.

Speaker 2 That's true. My fucking high bit rate.

Speaker 3 My high bitrate king. I can't wait to see this yo-yo.

Speaker 2 24K rip mask. See and fuck it.
Did you not do 140 FPS for it? Oh, he couldn't try it. I don't even have one.

Speaker 3 I don't even have one anymore. That's bullshit, dude.

Speaker 2 How do you?

Speaker 2 I probably have some upstairs. I'm not going to go upstairs and waste a bunch of pops.
Will you post it later, like on TikTok or something? No, the point is, like, I don't.

Speaker 2 What I was struggling with is, like, why did I hyper-fixate on? You know what I mean? Like, that's what I was angry about. Because you can't control what you hype.

Speaker 2 If you can figure out how to decide what you hyperfixate on, we'd be unstoppable.

Speaker 3 Travis would be the wealthiest man

Speaker 3 in the world.

Speaker 2 I know, but if I'm going to have the kind of brain that has

Speaker 2 is going to make me hyper fixate on stuff,

Speaker 2 it should not be humbled in my older age to make it so that I don't seek out opportunities to yo-yo. You know what I mean? Like,

Speaker 2 I should continue to want to display this, this.

Speaker 2 What you're describing is a hobby. Yeah.
Okay. Yeah.

Speaker 2 yeah no but there's not so much guilt that i would hide all my yo-yos and never want to look at them again right trev is that a hobby that doesn't sound like a hobby to me no i'm saying that if what what you had was a hyperfixation which burns fast burns bright right you're talking about a lifelong interest in a thing that you demonstrate and proud

Speaker 2 i'm looking for ashes i'm looking for ashes where there is nothing yeah right travas it just like it was like a comet of like yes burn fast it's like trying to reason with hurricane season.

Speaker 2 It's just, it's not that

Speaker 2 all of my loves, all of my hobbies, live fast, die young. You know what I mean? That's me.
I have the James Dean of hobbies.

Speaker 2 Sir, I've got to say, though, Travis, you really delivered on leather work. You talked a lot about leather work.
Yeah, man. And when that one paid off, that one hit big and was very impressive.
Yeah,

Speaker 2 I'm so glad that I'll never do it again. Yeah, so sad to know.

Speaker 3 It's a 2025 thing, dude.

Speaker 2 I know. I wish.
I still have so much leather to use. I've spent so much money.

Speaker 3 He's got a big box of grommets that he's going to throw in the dumpster. Yeah.

Speaker 2 The key time to make friends with one of us is right at the end of one of those because, God almighty, am I looking to unload

Speaker 2 anybody who makes a passing interest? Like, hey, you know, I've always kind of wanted to pick up the yo-yo. Here's five.
Here's five yo-yo.

Speaker 2 It takes seven yo-yos. I never want to see a yo-yo again.
I'm so embarrassed. One of them is that I learned a spending.

Speaker 2 I was crafted from an artisan who specializes in making yo-yos, and and I spent $5,000 on it. It's yours, please.
I think, I don't know, Travis, that yo-yo you gave me cost $5,000.

Speaker 2 Are you serious? Yeah, man.

Speaker 2 Thank you, man. Yeah, that was made.

Speaker 2 Harold Duncan Sr.

Speaker 2 That was a Harold. That was an HDS.
Yeah, man.

Speaker 3 I mean, it was made out of graphics cards, so that's why it was pretty uncomfortable.

Speaker 2 That explains every time I did a Walk the Dog, a Bitcoin fell up. Yeah, exactly.

Speaker 2 That's why it was worth so much money.

Speaker 3 I don't know if yo-yo is extra hard.

Speaker 3 I don't know if yo-yo is like more than other things beyond your ability, but I do think yo-yo belongs to a special class of skill or activity that is difficult to practice because after you do it once or twice and you fail, you feel like the world's biggest asshole.

Speaker 3 Piano, I can sit down at and I can play my scales until they get good and I don't feel like an asshole the moment I mess up, but you drop a ball, the yo-yo don't come back up and you have to spend like 15 seconds winding it.

Speaker 2 I'm not going to do that more than two or three times and so i'm simply never going to get better at it i mean i've been trying to learn how to juggle for i mean it's been 11 years i've had juggling balls like handy yeah and i can do like yeah five passes and i'm done five is crazy dude I get

Speaker 3 I get three and I'm like, I'm juggling, baby.

Speaker 2 I get one and my brain gets so excited that my head's absolutely just every Travis, every single fucking time, dude.

Speaker 3 Here's, here's a thought.

Speaker 2 I'm juggling, mama. Look at me.

Speaker 2 Downfall.

Speaker 2 Two passes. I'm juggling.
I'm dead. But this is when having hyperfixation brain is a great skill.
Because, like, the other day, my kids got like a paddleball game. I picked it up once.

Speaker 2 I was immediately bad at it. And I said, oh, this brings me no joy.
And I had no desire to

Speaker 2 keep learning it whatsoever. I thought that was going to go.
I would have played with my kids, I think, in that case. No, then I just watched my kids do it.
And I'm like, have fun, guys.

Speaker 2 But if something doesn't immediately bring me joy,

Speaker 2 I don't have to care about it anymore.

Speaker 3 That's what Marie Kondo said. She said, give them one shot.

Speaker 2 One shot.

Speaker 3 She says, everyone gets one shot. And if not, you're gone forever.

Speaker 2 I will say also the one gag with yo-yo is if you can do the one thing where you throw it at the ground and it stays down there for a bit, you can do a whole fucking lot of stuff.

Speaker 2 That's the basis of most tricks. All you got to do is fuck around with the string and not do it so hard that the guy comes back up.
And then you can like twist it. You do walk the dogs.
The same idea.

Speaker 2 It's all the same junk. It's just spinning.
Also, get like a toothpick to chew on in that cool leather jacket. And now you're just doing it on the street corner.

Speaker 2 And I know you're waiting for something to go down.

Speaker 3 Is there an opportunity here for us to make a kind of like perfect synergistic, like hyperfixation kind of

Speaker 3 like all-day carry, all-day, what's that called?

Speaker 2 Everyday carry.

Speaker 3 Everyday carry situation where it is a yo-yo, but it's also like on one side of it is.

Speaker 2 Boy, you are really, you are a tough target to bring down, aren't you there? There, Jason Borden. I can't remember the acronym for EDC.
Griffin, highly muggable over here.

Speaker 2 If you need a soft target, good fucking luck. What do I have? All day carry, though.
Yeah. There are always that I'm like, I can't put this down once.

Speaker 3 My glasses, I think is my guilt. My guilt and my glasses.

Speaker 2 Yo-yo on one side.

Speaker 3 Virtual pet on the other side. It's got

Speaker 3 a lighter, maybe. It also does a lighter.
And it's just like all of these like cool little affectations, hobbies, fixations that you could do.

Speaker 3 Fidget, well, no, because I don't, you know, I guess it could be a spinner if you if you want it to be, but I'm thinking beefy or something.

Speaker 2 I mean, yo-yos were the original spinner.

Speaker 3 Yeah, no, I know, and that's why I'm saying we should get one, but I guess I'm just saying there should be a yo-yo with a gigaped in it.

Speaker 3 So, what's what else are we doing here today, guys?

Speaker 2 Well, Griffin, I'm glad you asked. We're going to take a quick trip to the money zone.

Speaker 3 a yo-yo that has a gigapet in it that like you feed by doing yo-yo tricks is so fucking insanely valuable of an idea no it's great it's great griffin yeah i know i i'm just saying i i feel bad that someone's gonna but it's not funny you know like great ideas Aren't always funny.

Speaker 2 That's true. That's true.

Speaker 2 That's why we save those for the money zone you're right you know it's not called the funny zone no we can be we can really let our hair down and be pretty serious here it can get pretty tough to keep track of your money dollars and cents it's going in it's going out where's it going yep well you need a friend you need hi i'm justin macquari paid endorser for rocket money you need a friend in your corner Someone who's going to be watching your transactions.

Speaker 2 Someone who's going to say, hey, did you forget about this subscription? I can cancel it for you or at least try.

Speaker 2 And Justin is willing to be that for you. Justin's going to do that for each one of our listeners.
It's going to fix your business. No, I am sadly announcing the closure of Justin's IFIXIT

Speaker 2 money all-in-one financial accounting services. I'm sorry.
And iPhone screen repair. And iPhone screen repair.

Speaker 2 Yes. Travis, my iPhone screen repair and money.

Speaker 2 financial guy business is down the tubes because rocket money is putting me out of business oh man These guys are using computers. Yeah.

Speaker 2 That's what we're using. Yeah, my yellowed ledger.
Keep track of your finances.

Speaker 2 Dude, is it utterly humiliated by Rocket Money's ability to find subscriptions you forgot about and try to cancel them for you to help you to balance your finances to keep track of where your money's going, all that good stuff.

Speaker 3 Travis, one time, Justin's yellowed ledger fell off his desk and it fell open and it was completely empty.

Speaker 2 And I was like, what the fuck is he doing in this? It's terrifying, dude. Rocket Money has saved users over 2.5 billion, including over 880 million in canceled subscriptions alone.

Speaker 2 Their 10 million members save up to $740 a year when they use all the app's premium features. Well, this is weird.

Speaker 2 I'm looking at Justin's yellow legend right now, and I have the moonlight reflected in the Osiris stone. Yeah.
And it's a bunch of names and the worth of their souls next to it.

Speaker 3 Okay. It was the Osiris Stone that we were missing.
Cancel your unwanted subscriptions and reach your financial goals faster with Rocket Money. Go to rocketmoney.com slash my brother today.

Speaker 3 I'm reading the ledger now. That's rocketmoney.com slash my brother.
Rocketmoney.com slash my brother.

Speaker 2 Griffin, your name's in here.

Speaker 3 Yes. And my, don't tell everybody my soul value because it's embarrassing.

Speaker 2 53 cents.

Speaker 3 Yeah.

Speaker 2 Man, I wish I hadn't worked so hard in that last ad because this next ad is for smalls and I'm going to work on

Speaker 3 this one. The biggest smalls head.

Speaker 2 I'm like Mr. Smalls.
But the fact is, I want to talk about Smalls because my cats love it so.

Speaker 2 I have a much better

Speaker 2 killing you.

Speaker 3 I don't think they would want that, man.

Speaker 2 Yeah, because that's kind of a negative connotation. You're killing me, Smalls.
You know, you guys remember that?

Speaker 3 No, yeah, yeah, totally, but I don't think they probably don't like it. Like, if you call your company Smalls, you probably learn to not like when people say that.

Speaker 2 What about you're saving me, Smalls? That's cool. You're protecting me, Smalls.
You're putting your body between me and danger, Smalls. Yeah, yeah.
So the cats love this stuff.

Speaker 2 They got smooth bird, smooth other bird,

Speaker 2 smooth pig. No matter which animal you want smoothed up, Smalls is going to do it for you.
They're going to put it in, ship it to you. Smooth.
The rise frozen.

Speaker 2 You get the amount of food you need, right? You defrost what you need. So it's fresh when your cats want it and it's ready and they really, really like it.

Speaker 2 They will bother me in the morning until they get to enjoy it. Smooth criminals.

Speaker 3 They will do that.

Speaker 3 They'll serve you criminals.

Speaker 2 You know how hard. But all smoothed up.

Speaker 2 You know how hard it is to do two ads back to back.

Speaker 3 I know, man. And Travis and I are trying to help.
Travis and I are trying to help and hop.

Speaker 2 I know, but

Speaker 2 it's not helping. It's not.
Well, what if you do the call to action?

Speaker 3 What are you waiting for? Give your cat the food that they deserve.

Speaker 2 Song Smooth by Ron Thomas.

Speaker 2 Santana. You're not doing a good enough job because you're just reading it like a cat food ad.
This is important. What are you waiting for?

Speaker 2 Give your cat the food they deserve for a limited time because you're a mabim bam listener you get 60 off your first order plus free shipping when you head to smalls.com slash my brother one last time that's 60

Speaker 2 off your first order plus free shipping when you head to smalls.com slash my brother because you're so smooth and they sell you smooth bird to feed you your cat

Speaker 2 Oh, okay.

Speaker 2 Wow, I'm watching the subscriber.

Speaker 2 Damn, the the subscriber count going down.

Speaker 3 This isn't even live. No one's hearing this as we record it.
How is the subscriber count plummeting? Damn it.

Speaker 3 Wonderful is a podcast where we talk about things we like.

Speaker 3 That's hard to sell in a promo like this, so we've enlisted the help of piano rock superstar Billy Joel to tell you about some of the topics we've covered. Take it away, real Billy Joel.

Speaker 4 Diddy Rock's been on Lake Sign, Worlson Shire, Circle Time, Sega Drink Castes, our Tower of Annoy.

Speaker 4 Keep me up in time capsules, Wayne's World Cheese Bulls, Wallace, Stevens, Donkey Gone, Fun Size Almond Torid. They didn't start the podcast.

Speaker 4 Except that's not true. They didn't 22.

Speaker 4 They didn't start the podcast.

Speaker 4 No, they actually did. That was in fact a bib.

Speaker 3 Listen to Wonderful every Wednesday on maximumfun.org or wherever you get your podcasts. Thanks, Real Billy Joel.

Speaker 2 No problem, Griffin.

Speaker 2 What's more action-packed than prestige television?

Speaker 5 With more continuity than comic books?

Speaker 2 And more reality than reality television?

Speaker 2 It's professional wrestling.

Speaker 2 And to better understand wrestling is the ultimate form of entertainment, you need the Tites and Fights podcast.

Speaker 5 This is the perfect wrestling show with a lot of love, a lack of toxic masculinity, and just the right amount of butts, cats, and spandex.

Speaker 5 Listen to Tites and Fights every Saturday on maximum fun.

Speaker 2 Now, Justin, I see there that you have a yo-yo.

Speaker 2 I didn't want to talk about it, but yes, I did find one during the break, Travis. You didn't want to talk about it, but you came in carrying it.
Yeah. Well, I guess you're right.

Speaker 2 Yeah, I found one. I had one upstairs.

Speaker 3 Is that like a tin Christmas yo-yo? What kind of yo-yo is that?

Speaker 2 This is a magic yo-yo.

Speaker 3 A magic yo-yo?

Speaker 2 Hold on, dude. What? In what way?

Speaker 3 I feel like you're trying to trick me or something, dude. No, no, no.

Speaker 2 I got you. Are you about to try to sell it to us for a lot of money? Oh, I would never.
No, I would never. He couldn't part with his magic yo-yo.
No, no, no, no. No, a magic yo-yo.

Speaker 2 Well, at least let me. Other yo-yos, maybe, but at least let me make an offer.

Speaker 2 I can't. $5,000.

Speaker 3 You're embarrassing. It looks like you had the loop maybe sized for one of your kids.

Speaker 2 Sorry, it's a sliding loop. Are you...
Why are you? He's new to this, Justin. He doesn't understand.

Speaker 3 I I don't really know much about it.

Speaker 2 So look, so this is a loop, right? See, I made a loop for my finger.

Speaker 3 Oh, so it can slide.

Speaker 3 You've made a snare.

Speaker 2 Okay. So I'm going to stand up.
I'm a tried. Yeah.

Speaker 3 I'm going to see what I can do. We'll describe it.
Sorry, this has been a really visual episode, but that's... I mean, Justin's

Speaker 2 new desk is a celebration. It's a video forward person.
Here we go.

Speaker 3 Okay, can't see it. Higher.
Wow.

Speaker 3 Wow. He's sleeping.

Speaker 3 It's hanging, dangling. He did the thing, and it went back.

Speaker 2 Oh, and it went back to his hand.

Speaker 3 Yeah, I haven't done this in years. Make it roll down, though.
Make it grind on your headphones wire. That shit would be so dope.
Oh. Oh, he's got it in the cradle.
He's got the baby in the cradle.

Speaker 3 He gets it back up. He's throwing it in the cradle.

Speaker 3 He yoink it back down. He throw it back up.

Speaker 3 Now go back down.

Speaker 2 Oh, shit. He's the world's strongest male.

Speaker 2 It's his muscle. And it's back to his hand.
And oh, good recovery.

Speaker 3 He beefed it, but then he pulled it back up.

Speaker 2 That's part of the trick. Justin, you're ready to start telling kids not to do drugs.

Speaker 2 Yeah, man okay it's the cradle again yeah well you just saw the cradle again like it's that easy i mean it's just you already showed us that way that's the only ones i know you got

Speaker 2 the dog dna it do dna

Speaker 2 okay the dog got away the dog runaway that's runaway dog is that's runaway dog is a cool juice that looks awesome man you still got it

Speaker 2 Yeah, imagine my relief, dude. I used to be able to do a lot more tricks, but honestly, in the studio, the way it is, gotta be careful.
Yeah. Can't take the risk, you know.

Speaker 2 Expensive equipment in there. Sure, man.
Yeah.

Speaker 2 all right, so did you get out of bed for your heartburn from that?

Speaker 3 Was it heartburn or out of breath from yo-yo? Which one is it? What are you doing?

Speaker 2 Nostalgia, nostalgia. Nostalgia burns sometimes.

Speaker 3 Makes your tummy hurt.

Speaker 2 My friend recently completed her first marathon. After cheering her on as spectators, my four-year-old daughter was so excited about it.

Speaker 2 She told me she was going to draw a congratulations picture for my runner friend. She drew a stack of pictures while I was busy.

Speaker 2 I grabbed the most polished of the lot and gave it to to my friend the next day.

Speaker 2 It was a picture of Saturn, and it had some letters next to it, and a pretty shockingly good stab at the word Saturn next to it. Brothers, my husband drew the picture and most of the letters.

Speaker 2 I just gave my friend a picture of Saturn my 34-year-old husband drew in crayon. Help.
That's from Doodle Tout and Tomoin.

Speaker 2 That's okay.

Speaker 2 That's okay. That's a sweet gift.

Speaker 3 Regardless of who it came from, it's still like sweet that someone did a drawing for someone else. I assume your friend is either named Saturn Saturn or maybe they have a,

Speaker 3 like they have, they have, they like Saturn.

Speaker 2 They're a fan of the planet.

Speaker 3 The planet is like one of their faves.

Speaker 2 I think the problem here is that when you are judging a child's drawing, especially a four-year-old versus a 34-year-old, there's different subjective criteria that one would use to be like, this is amazing versus like, oh, you did your best, right?

Speaker 2 Yeah.

Speaker 2 And if you reveal after they've been very impressed by this pretty good drawing of Saturn, and then you're like, Actually, that was my husband, drew that. It might take something away.

Speaker 2 I usually, I will say that, don't judge too harshly because I am usually trying to like

Speaker 2 keep my light under a bushel a little bit when I'm drawing with the kids.

Speaker 2 You know, I don't want them to get discouraged when they see me drawing Saturn, and they're like, God, I'll never, I can never.

Speaker 2 Do you ever find yourself drawn with the kids and you draw something, and about three-quarters of the way through, you suddenly are struck by how proud you are of the thing you're drawing?

Speaker 2 And you're like, Man, I hope I get a really good, good. I drew a kick-ass like healer family.
Oh, wow. Yeah.
And I was like,

Speaker 2 everybody, stop what you're doing. Hey, look at this.
Look how good this is.

Speaker 2 Yeah.

Speaker 3 I would love to be able to draw and be able to draw something other than just like a dog's face.

Speaker 2 Like a good drawer. Like a good drawer.

Speaker 3 And not even a good drawer, like, can do a bait. Like, if you asked me to draw right now an apple, the result would be humiliating.
And that's like one of God's most basic fruits.

Speaker 2 Draw it upside down.

Speaker 2 What?

Speaker 2 So it's a technique used because we in our heads have developed images of how things are supposed to look. And so I'm sorry.
As sorry.

Speaker 2 Yeah, you understand that as Travis is saying this, you need to get out of pen and paper and attempt it. I have e-ink, so all.
Yeah, so we get these things.

Speaker 2 It's like, you know, when you draw a house, right?

Speaker 2 Everybody starts to default to like triangle roof, rectangle windows, right?

Speaker 2 Instead of drawing what an actual house looks like, because we have shorthand images in our head, and we are often trapped in those images, and it's difficult to make a real thing.

Speaker 2 So, by drawing it upside down, you remove that subconscious bias of what things look like, and you start to actually think about the lines of the thing you're drawing, what the thing looks like.

Speaker 2 My God,

Speaker 2 Griffin is about to show us an apple that is going to absolutely knock us off our apple. Yeah, we're going to shit.

Speaker 2 Shit.

Speaker 2 He's doing it.

Speaker 2 He's doing it. Look.

Speaker 2 Oh my God.

Speaker 2 He's doing it. How do you like these apples? At this point, it's gotten to a joke because I feel like maybe it's not going to be a good job.
Hey, Justin.

Speaker 2 Justin? I work hard on it. He's doing a good job.
You work hard on jokes sometimes.

Speaker 3 But the problem is that the screen, I think, changes based on how it's like... tilted so the apple's gonna look upside down no matter what.

Speaker 2 Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Speaker 2 That's a pretty good apple. I mean, it's really not bad, Griff.
It looks better. It looks better.
It's auto-correcting. It's fucking stop turning anus.
Stop turning it. We can look at it upside down.

Speaker 2 We know.

Speaker 2 Not so close to the anus. No, get back from the anus, please.
That's the bottom of the apple. The bottom of the apple.

Speaker 2 The bottom of the apple. How are you guys supposed to do that? The bottom of the apple.
Stop turning it.

Speaker 3 The bottom of the apple is where the.

Speaker 3 I don't know what the fuck's going on down there, but he's got a little, like a little hole.

Speaker 3 Trav, that's really strong. That's really powerful.
Thank you for that tip.

Speaker 2 Yeah.

Speaker 3 We're all just like, I love this being a space of self-improvement where we can yo-yo and we can draw and we can have fun and like create.

Speaker 2 I mean, we've forgotten how to create, I think. I feel like maybe that's, maybe that's true.
Now, you just mean the three of us? Yes. Oh, okay.

Speaker 2 Yeah.

Speaker 3 Not like America. He's not like.

Speaker 2 No, no, no. Look on TikTok, man.
People are making people are making

Speaker 2 true. Yeah, I just meant us.

Speaker 3 How about another question?

Speaker 2 I love that. I needed cilantro for a recipe.
So I walked to the grocery store to get some, but they were out. On my way back home, I passed the herb garden of a local elementary school.

Speaker 2 I make this walk all the time, and in retrospect, I've always noticed that these herbs appear poorly tended.

Speaker 2 You just realized.

Speaker 2 Nah, I just...

Speaker 2 And are often going to seed or otherwise seem uncared for. So I reached to the friends and yanked out a clump.
Is it okay to steal from children if they don't seem to respect God's gifts?

Speaker 2 That's from the Brooklyn Bambino burglar. Did anybody else think that when they were like, I noticed that these plants weren't very well tended?

Speaker 2 There was some small part of me that thought, like, so I took them under my wing and I started growing them and helping them to find their

Speaker 2 big handful, huh? Because

Speaker 3 you got big pesto plans.

Speaker 3 Well, sorry, kids. Sorry, kids.
I've got noodles and nothing else going for them. So I need these more than you do.

Speaker 2 Sorry, kids. I mean, I think

Speaker 2 I'm maybe unorthodox about this.

Speaker 2 Here's my opinion. I think if it's growing in the land,

Speaker 2 nobody owns the sun. Nobody owns the dirt.

Speaker 2 If it's growing in the land, it's all of ours.

Speaker 3 No. Well, no, not in land.

Speaker 2 Maybe that's a little bit far to take it.

Speaker 3 I mean, it's absolutely deranged what you said, because that means you can just go to farm and like

Speaker 2 get it. Get it.
They're not going to know that.

Speaker 2 No one's talking about ethics. What I'm talking, you're talking about the law.

Speaker 2 I'm talking about ethics there's no there's no farm guards yeah in the scenario i'm describing you have an armed if battalion well defending the the the cilantro yeah if there's nobody defending if the need is there if the need is there obviously yeah i mean it should be it should be um yeah no kids are going to notice this unless it's someone's science experiment that's a real danger you didn't even think about i think if you went to the cilantro farms and you were stopped by a guard and he said halt citizen this is one of your business.

Speaker 2 And you're like, I just need some cilantro. I want some.
Yeah. Like a reasonable amount? Like a handful.
I feel like if you're, they would give you some.

Speaker 2 Like, that's not going to move the needle for them. Yeah.

Speaker 3 You've taken such an extreme position so quickly that I feel like your brain began showing you illusions, beautiful illusions of things that don't exist. Like cilantro guards.

Speaker 2 Don't let me be a cautionary tale, people. Don't end up like me.
You got to have your head on.

Speaker 3 It was really instant, too, because you were like, I think, one, I think it's okay to to grab this cilantro. Two, there are armed guards at every cilantro farm.

Speaker 2 It's become almost like a post-apocalyptic thing where cilantro has become money. Yeah.
And like there's a Fort Knox of cilantro, which is a case. I don't think that's the case.

Speaker 2 Like a year in town, but instead of going to the bathroom, it's cilantro.

Speaker 3 I want to make something very clear to everybody who does not have elementary school age children.

Speaker 3 When you see produce in the garden that is like a class project, it ain't usually the kids who are getting those buds and those fruits to come up out of the ground out of nothing.

Speaker 3 That's mostly an adult, that is mostly an adult job. There's nuance to that process that a lot of kids aren't going to be able to handle.
So do know that you're not stealing from children.

Speaker 3 You are stealing from some adult. And maybe this moment in the garden is the highlight of their day.

Speaker 2 Yeah, I bet it's also, it's interesting.

Speaker 2 You know, question to ask you, you talk about how, how, let me see if he,

Speaker 2 they seem,

Speaker 2 uh, in retrospect, I always noticed that these herbs appear poorly tended and are often going to seed or otherwise seem uncared for.

Speaker 2 You know what would probably discourage me as a plant tender when people keep reaching through the fence and helping themselves to goddamn handfuls of my cilantro.

Speaker 2 The fence is the fence is a bit of a deal breaker, huh? The fence is rough, man.

Speaker 2 I feel like you're not contributing. Sorry, I feel like you're not contributing to the overall health of the cilantro patch.
Yeah. And maybe you are making it look not even worse than it already does.

Speaker 2 Yeah. Take a cilantro, leave a cilantro, is what Justin's saying.
Yeah, or at least some seeds. Yeah.
Yeah. Why'd they put the cilantro so close to the fence?

Speaker 3 Fucking honey pot.

Speaker 2 John Key Munras watching, waiting. They're not learning about gardening.
They're learning about sting operations. Yeah.

Speaker 2 Yeah. It's a plant.

Speaker 2 I recently, I don't know if you guys knew this. I recently found myself having a cry sesh in the car and stopped in the Wendy's drive-thru for a pick-me-up.

Speaker 2 Yeah, it was obvious that I've been crying, but the lady at the drive-thru window didn't treat me any differently than normal. Guys, if people at the windows,

Speaker 2 sorry, if people at the Wendy's windows are going to start treating people different because they've been crying, that's going to be an exhausting day for them.

Speaker 2 They can't handle that emotional up and down day. They're going to see a lot of people crying today.

Speaker 2 They can't open up a vein for everybody that rolls through.

Speaker 2 It's obvious I've been crying. The lady at the drive-thru window didn't treat me any differently than normal.

Speaker 2 It was nice, but but I kind of wish she had felt a little bad for me and given me some nuggets for my troubles. Is there any way I can make myself look more pitiable in the drive-thru?

Speaker 2 And which fast food chain drive-through seems most charitable? Yeah, that's from Mick Charity Case in Columbus.

Speaker 3 Thank you. That's awesome.

Speaker 2 That's a good one.

Speaker 3 That's a good one because

Speaker 3 it is extremely

Speaker 3 relatable.

Speaker 2 Yeah.

Speaker 3 It makes me so deeply uncomfortable when someone leverages some kind of personal difficulty or hardship

Speaker 3 into some sort of goodwill currency that benefits them vis-a-vis free nuggies for crying in the car.

Speaker 3 My fear is that if you codify that too much, then people are going to start making themselves cry so they can get free nuggets at Wendy's.

Speaker 2 You can't institutionalize kindness like this. It has to be spontaneous.
It has to be. Has to be.
The problem is

Speaker 2 it's tough to communicate with the audio of the drive-through that you've had a hard time and that you're going to need some nuggets for it, right? Yeah.

Speaker 2 Cause I don't think you can eat, maybe with your order, maybe it's like, I'll take a hamburger and, oh, no, wait, that was Steven's favorite. I like chicken.
You know what I mean?

Speaker 2 Like, I'll put a little narrative in there.

Speaker 3 That's, uh, that's dense.

Speaker 2 It's a lot to chew on.

Speaker 3 It's a bit dense to drop. Because that's usually like one of the first things you say over the loudspeaker

Speaker 3 is like, usually it's, hi, welcome to Wendy's. And you would say, like, give me just a minute, please.
And then you'd say, let me get a hamburger. And then you say, give me a hamburger.

Speaker 3 No, that was Stephen's favorite. I like it.

Speaker 2 Hey, Griffin. The idea that I would, dude, are you serious? The idea that I at the drive-through window would say, give me just a minute, please? Are you fucking crazy? You don't do that.

Speaker 2 It's my time. You never have other people in the car.

Speaker 2 I have to be. Do you remember how dad used to get in the car? Yeah.
Apparently, that's just genetic and it sucks, but I've inherited it.

Speaker 2 I can't drive through ordering, I've become the world's horseman. You just

Speaker 3 have to blast through it in one go, no time for deliberation.

Speaker 2 I mean, everybody, I'm as I am pulling up, usually about two blocks away. Yeah, that's when the conversation on the bubble.
Then you're I want, and the orders are in, yeah, before I see a sign.

Speaker 2 Yeah, we're locked, okay. Call me Mr.
Bird's Eye, it's frozen, yeah, okay. No, thank you, kid.

Speaker 2 I don't want to name names, but there is another adult in my family unit who is often in the car with me and my kids when we go through the drive-through. I don't want to name names,

Speaker 2 but she, I think, has what Dana Carvey had in Clean Slate about the Wendy's drive-through menu. Goodness.
Where she

Speaker 2 needs to see it fresh every time. What if they have new shit? No, now, Travis, that's you sound so stupid, dude.
The Wendy's menu is always changing.

Speaker 2 If she doesn't take the time to peruse, how's she going to know about the mozzarella pretzel burger? Yeah.

Speaker 3 She's got to know the point, point just gotta know the latest stuff um

Speaker 2 that's my time to chat with the drive-through person while she decides and tell them about all the hard stuff i'm going through jeff she should be looking this up on her phone before before you even go she should be on her phone looking this i'll let this hypothetical person know that that's your advice justin what's the softest fast food brand who's which fast food brand is gonna is gonna give you the most for your tears i would that's the question i first got to white castle

Speaker 3 No, they're too, they're too like bing, bang, boom. They have like two things on the menu.
They want to get you in and out as quick as possible. They're not going to give you enough.

Speaker 2 An Arby's

Speaker 3 Arby's.

Speaker 2 Arby's would try to give you more, and you'd be like, um,

Speaker 2 I actually, this is

Speaker 2 like me, but they have a history of slipping an extra curly in a regular fry or some regular fries in a box of curly.

Speaker 2 Yeah, they, they, they're giving out freebies left and right.

Speaker 3 I think Jack in the Box.

Speaker 2 I think Jack in the Box, Jack in the Box, fun food.

Speaker 2 And cheap food. They can give you a taco for 50 cents.

Speaker 2 That's exactly it.

Speaker 3 They've got fun shit just lying around. They'll pitch something at you if they think you're having a tough one.

Speaker 2 I feel like Popeyes,

Speaker 2 especially red beans and rice, to me, I feel like if you asked really nicely, that's free. Yeah.
Like if you, if you're like, I really need it.

Speaker 3 I'm really duped, super duper.

Speaker 2 I'll tell you why you're not getting anything for a hard time. Taco Bell.

Speaker 2 Because no one's going through Taco Bell on the best day of their life. Yeah, you're here.
Yeah, we know. Yeah, man.
We know.

Speaker 2 You didn't have a big graduation today? Weird. I'm saying that at best, Taco Bell is a little reward or treat or cheer me up that you're getting for yourself.
Yes. Right?

Speaker 2 You're at Taco Bell. You are already.

Speaker 2 You have you have already done the self-care for them. Right.

Speaker 2 This is the end of the road on self-care.

Speaker 3 You already needed this nowhere else to go taking care of it already i'm trying sitting farther away from the mic just so i can be kind of like one of the boys like one of the guys how's it feeling i mean i i'm so far from my computer that i can't read the words on it anymore yeah but i do feel like more travis you can't zoom in now

Speaker 2 how that's like you got to understand how far

Speaker 2 audio podcast i know dude how far can i go the halloween be listen

Speaker 2 this halloween i've been going to to four,

Speaker 2 four times soon. All right, this Halloween, I've been toying with the idea of being the Grinch.

Speaker 2 Unfortunately, being the Grinch for Halloween seems like a full performance, tiptoeing around, being a nuisance, and other Grinchly behavior.

Speaker 2 I'm already pretty, I'm a pretty fun-loving guy, so being a grump doesn't come naturally to me, and I have no acting background.

Speaker 2 How can I better prepare myself in the coming days to be able to pull off a Grinch costume? Or I'm doomed to just be a boring green bummer. That's from Nervous Nelly in Norwalk.
P.S.

Speaker 2 I already spent $150 on the costume. Cool.
Okay.

Speaker 3 Glad that you included that.

Speaker 2 It does.

Speaker 2 Several Several years ago, we had a very realistic Grinch.

Speaker 2 Okay. Remember, it came out and kidnapped Dwight.
Yeah. And this very realistic Grinch, I will say, did a lot of realistic actions and a lot of realistic motions once they became the Grinch.

Speaker 2 And I will say that no one liked it.

Speaker 2 That had to be near it.

Speaker 2 No. No.
Kids. We didn't like it.
Kids, but also grown-ups.

Speaker 3 No.

Speaker 2 Grown-ups, nobody liked it. Very impressive.
But when they would get into the full,

Speaker 2 I've been raised from childhood to be afraid of this guy. You know what I mean? Like, it doesn't feel good.
I will say this: what you're forgetting is there are two parts to the Grinch's journey.

Speaker 2 Yeah.

Speaker 2 Yes. Yes.
There's the curmudgeonly, grumpy Grinch. Right.
But then there's the Heart Three Sizes Grinch.

Speaker 3 Oh, this is the Grinch after he gets saved.

Speaker 2 I'm, yes, I'm saying

Speaker 2 reformed Grinch behavior. I wish the movie went a little bit longer.
Yeah. Because I would love for the Grinch to, after 20 minutes, be like, well,

Speaker 2 this has been fun. Yeah.
Okay. That movie, if it went on for five,

Speaker 2 we're going to start small, a little change every day. This has been great.
I've lived all alone for 50 years. I need to go or I'm going to scream.

Speaker 3 If there's 20 more minutes on that movie,

Speaker 3 the movie ends with them having the roast beast and they're all having their big meal and having a great time. 20 more minutes runtime gets us.
Grinch finishes his meal goes, oh, I'm stuffed.

Speaker 3 I'm gonna get some rest, guys. I'm pretty worn out from all the Christmas celebrations.
But he can't because of their bing bang boomers and their zip zuppers and their troubling their bloobers.

Speaker 2 And it's like, that's trying to sleep. Yeah.

Speaker 2 Oh, that's right. That's this fucking sucks.
I hate it. I fucking hate.
I need rest. I'm so tired.
That's why. That's right.
I was up all night stealing your stuff and then bringing it back.

Speaker 2 I'm exhausted. I'm fucking, you come downstairs at like three in the morning and the Grinch you asked to stay with you as your guest is putting all of your presents into a bag.

Speaker 2 It's like you promised me.

Speaker 3 You promised me.

Speaker 2 You said you were done. Yeah.
Yeah, yeah, yeah. Just the loud ones, though.
You can keep the slippers and the rope and stuff. Yeah.

Speaker 2 The fling lacks and the snooze bats and all that stuff. That's all good.
Just throw away the alarm clocks. Yeah.
Right?

Speaker 2 And the whiz trumpets. The whiz trumpets.
Put those in the whiz garbage.

Speaker 2 Thank you.

Speaker 2 Hey, thanks so much for listening to our podcast. We hope you've enjoyed it.
We hope you've enjoyed yourself while you're listening to it.

Speaker 2 We hope you shouted some of your own jokes as we encourage you to. Do we?

Speaker 3 Do we? I mean, I guess

Speaker 3 when it's not a live show, go ahead. I don't want to train people into that particular.

Speaker 3 That's true.

Speaker 3 Fair enough. Hey, we have some new merch over at McRoyMerch.com that we would love for you to go check out.
Pretty sure you can still get that Hunger Beanie, which looks rad.

Speaker 3 Prep yourself for the cold winter months. Speaking of the cold winter months, we're coming back to Huntington for candle nights, baby.

Speaker 2 That's right.

Speaker 3 Home for the Honda Days, December 6th at 7 p.m. Eastern Time.
We're going to be performing at the Keith Alby in Huntington, West Virginia, doing our candle nights spectacular.

Speaker 3 We're also going to be recording it for video, and there's going to be a digital premiere of the recording of the show on December 19th at 9 p.m. Eastern Time.
We're going to be in the chat for that.

Speaker 3 And all the proceeds from Candle Knights, as always, will be donated to Harmony House, which seeks to end homelessness in the Huntington area through permanent housing and supportive service programs.

Speaker 3 Bit.ly/slash candle nights 2025 is where you can go get your ticket for the show or for the live streaming version.

Speaker 2 And important to note, your in-person ticket also includes the stream ticket.

Speaker 3 Yes, absolutely.

Speaker 3 And yeah, it's going to be a hoot. We're really excited.

Speaker 2 It's been a minute. Also, November 3rd.
So I think that's next Monday. Yes.

Speaker 2 At noon Eastern Time, Champions Grove for 2026. It goes on sale.

Speaker 2 Come hang out with us at Ravenwood Castle in Hocking Hills, Ohio for a weekend full of gaming and hanging out with people and fun events and get to meet some RPG, TT RPG creators and dress up and have fun at a castle in the woods.

Speaker 2 You can go to championsgrove.com to get all the information. One more time tickets go on sale November 3rd at noon Eastern Time, championsgrove.com.
Okay, this is also extremely important.

Speaker 2 If you go to, I'm in a pumpkin carving competition. It continues until Halloween.
If you go to givebutter.com slash H C M V I P's, that's Heinz and Children's Museum. It's a fundraiser for them.

Speaker 2 I carved a pumpkin. I'm currently, and I don't want to worry anybody, I'm currently being beaten by Tony Stroud, who's the chief legal officer at Marshall University.

Speaker 2 He says that he, in his bio, says he has no artistic ability. So if I get beaten by him, I don't need to tell you how hard that will hurt.
Yeah.

Speaker 2 So please support the museum, but most importantly, help me beat Tony Stroud, a stranger I've decided to make an enemy of. Tony Stark.

Speaker 2 Nope. Nope.
Nope.

Speaker 3 Tony Stroud carved this puppy in a cave.

Speaker 2 Hey, do you guys

Speaker 2 have Tony Stroud falls asleep with nightmares about me in his mind? Whoa. I'm deep in there, huh? I don't know Tony that well.
So I don't know.

Speaker 3 I don't know that you should say what you just said then, man.

Speaker 2 Yeah, maybe I do need to take that back. Tony Stroud, I take that back.
Yeah, I'm sorry. You're currently beating me, so you clearly have a lot of powerful friends, and I don't want you

Speaker 3 to kill me. Justin is having Tony Stroud-based nightmares, and he didn't want to like, he's embarrassed.

Speaker 2 I'm saying Tony Stroud has the juice in my town to have me killed if I get out of line. So I would love it if you would go to HCM.
sorry givebutter.com.

Speaker 3 Yeah, hey, your internal temp got a little high there.

Speaker 2 All right, good to know. Well, that's perfect timing.
That's gonna do it for us for this week. Did you say, say thanks to Montane?

Speaker 3 No, thanks to Montane for the use of a theme song. My Life is Better With You.
It's a great track.

Speaker 3 Justin's camera got so hot that it stopped working, which is, I'll say, a flaw in the new system, maybe.

Speaker 2 Well, as long as you don't podcast for so fucking long, dude,

Speaker 2 you're doing for an hour and one minute, man.

Speaker 3 Yeah, it's out of sight.

Speaker 3 Here's a final fear for us to read.

Speaker 3 Here it goes. I want to be faster than my fear of the ghost woman in the movie Talk to Me who sucks on a guy's toes in his sleep.
Sounds pretty. That sounds like

Speaker 2 Rhett's. My name is Justin McElroy.
I'm Travis McElroy. I'm Griffin McElroy.
This has been my brother, my brother. Me, kiss your dad, squirrel.

Speaker 2 Maximum Fun, a worker-owned network of artist-owned shows, supported directly by you.