S1E9 - 'The Horse and Jockey' REMASTERED

Transcript

You know what's wild? Most people are still overpaying for car insurance just because it's a pain to switch. That's why there's Jerry.

Jerry is the only app that compares rates from over 50 insurers in minutes and helps you switch fast with no spam calls or hidden fees. Drivers who save with Jerry could save over $1,300 a year.

Before you renew your car insurance policy, do yourself a favor. Download the Jerry app or head to jerry.ai slash acast.

Hi folks, it's Mark Bittman from the podcast Food Food with Mark Bittman.

Whole Foods Market is your holiday headquarters with everything you need, whether you're a guest or hosting the big dinner, with show-stopping centerpiece means like bone-in spiral cut ham or bone-in rib roast or even king crab.

And if you want to take a few shortcuts, no one is looking after all, try the heat and eat sides from the prepared foods department.

Shop for everything you need at Whole Foods Market, your holiday headquarters.

Hey, Ryan Reynolds here for Mint Mobile. You know, one of the perks about having four kids that you know about is actually getting a direct line to the big man up north.

And this year, he wants you to know the best gift that you can give someone is the gift of Mint Mobile's unlimited wireless for $15 a month. Now, you don't even need to wrap it.

Give it a try at mintmobile.com/slash switch. A front payment of $45 for a three-month plan equivalent to $15 per month required.
New customer offer for first three months only.

Speed slow after 35 gigabytes if networks busy. Taxes and fees extra.
See Mintmobile.com. Grief doesn't keep a calendar.
Anxiety doesn't clock out after five.

Depression doesn't care if it's your busy season. But support can still fit into your life.
With Grow, you can find a therapist who meets you where you are.

They connect you with thousands of independent licensed therapists across the US offering both virtual and in-person sessions.

You can search by insurance, provider specialty, treatment methods, and more to find a therapist who works for you. And if it's not the right fit, switching is easy.

There are no subscriptions, no long-term commitments. You just pay per session.
Find therapy on your time, evenings, weekends, and cancel up to 24 hours in advance at no cost.

Whatever challenges you're facing, Grow Therapy is here to help. Sessions average about $21 with insurance, and some pay as little as $0 depending on their plan.

Visit growtherapy.com/slash ACAST today to get started. That's growtherapy.com/slash ACAST.
Growtherapy.com/slash ACAST. Availability and coverage vary by state and insurance plan.

If you're a smoker or vapor, ready to make a change, you really only need one good reason. But with Zin nicotine pouches, you'll discover many good reasons.

Zinn is America's number one nicotine pouch brand. Plus, Zin offers a robust rewards program.
There are lots of options when it comes to nicotine satisfaction, but there's only one Zin.

Check out zinn.com/slash find to find Zinn at a store near you.

Warning, this product contains nicotine. Nicotine is an addictive chemical.

The following podcast contains adult themes, sexual content, and strong language. Basically, all the good stuff.

Jamie, why are we here? We're here because my dad's written a porno. Your dad's written a porno.
Erotic literature.

Why?

Previously on my dad wrote a porno. The Duchess's breasts draped over Belinda's body.

She started to massage Belinda's back and buttocks. All four of them.
Four of them.

Belinda walks around the bedroom with her monster prick out in front of her.

Hello and welcome to yet another installment of My Dad Rota Porno. James, how are you? I'm great actually.
Yeah. Alice, how are you?

I just feel like more than ever, people are referring to Monday as Belinda Day. Yeah.
Hashtag porno day. Hashtag porno day, if you will.
Who knew that people wanted a bit of filth on a Monday morning?

The thing is, people object to listening to it on public transport because they say, you know, it's so embarrassing and appalling. Yet, that's all people seem to do is listen to it on their commute.

I mean, it's going to be a hazard. It's just when people have said that their headphones have fallen out and

our voices are just beaming across the tube network saying especially the last step. Oh my goodness, the last step was that was pretty intense.
How are you feeling after that, Al?

I felt rejuvenated now, but it has taken me a full week actually how are you feeling about that jamie because i've realized you know we always have to keep in mind your dad wrote this oh that fact has never been lost on me james i started to forget yeah

you guys just think oh this is so awful try being the spawn of rocky it's not fun just as a like kind of check-in how is he feeling about the uh dramatization if you will of his work he's actually really

oddly proud of us.

He was saying the other day that he's really happy with it. He's become obsessed with Twitter.
He follows Rocky Flintstone's on Twitter. I'm not sure if he even has a Twitter account.

I think he just like follows our stream and he just gets very excited every time somebody new tweets about it.

So guys, thank you for keeping Rocky up at night and annoying the hell out of my mother because apparently all he does is say we've got another two followers. We've got another one follower.

It's been 20 minutes and we haven't had any followers. Oh no, I love that Rocky's like kind of emotional state is hanging in the balance.
Because somebody tweeted, I can't remember who it is.

sorry, whoever you are,

but they said, was it a coincidence that Blender Blinked is 69 pages long?

My dad was just loving that. Mum was like, I don't really get that.
Like, is that a joke? And dad was like, oh, for God's sake, Wilmer, of course it's. Did you not get it? And mum's like, well,

what is it? I can't bear it. And he said, it's obvious.
A six and a nine are the shape of a naked lady.

Oh,

you put them together and they look like a naked woman. That's

right.

Honestly.

Do they?

A, no, they don't. B, dad, what are you on? And I had to just be like, guys, because they were like debating this for a while and I was like, I just have to put them out of their misery.

Did you correct them? Yeah, I just said, guys, it's actually a sexual position. I want to

take that home with you and dissect on your own time. You know, that's going to be in the next next book.

A 69. I'm really, really stuck trying to work out if it's an aerial view of a woman or like just like a Belinda-style droopy boob on one side and a hurt one on the other.
I don't know.

It's almost a sphere, really, if they're together. That's so confusing.
Bless him, though. I thought he knew everything there was to know about sex.
Really? Have you not read the book?

Oh, no, you're right. Yeah, he knows literally nothing.
James, if I didn't exist, I'd question whether my dad had ever had sex. So I don't know where you're getting that idea.
You're adapted.

Oh, my God, maybe. am.
What a way to find out. Oh, my God.
I'd be really upset, but also quite relieved at the same time.

Then the podcast would be not like that. He would not be an heir to the Belinda fortune.
Well, let's stop right now.

So, chapter... What are we on? Chapter 10? We're on chapter 10 today.
Yeah. Really? Double figures.
First time. That's quite exciting, isn't it? A one and a...

an O, rather like the shape of a naked lady. A cock and ball.

It's a naked Jim Sterling.

Oh.

So what's chapter 10 called? Chapter 10 is called The The Horse and Jockey. Oh, yes, we're back to the pub.
Well, she was travelling back, wasn't she, at the end of the last chapter?

Oh, yes, she was, yeah. She'd stolen the Dutch's Land Rover and was like popping it back to town.

But she wasn't. But I got it with her experience of caravanning.
She didn't have to bring the whole thing with her. That was potentially my favourite line of last chapter, actually.

Okay, Belinda blinked. Chapter 10: The Horse and Jockey.
Yes.

The signposts were true to their word.

What?

This is the quickest interruption, yeah.

I mean, why wouldn't they be?

The signposts were true to their word, and Belinda soon found her way to the horse and jockey.

She manoeuvred the large car into one of the parking spaces, cut the engine, and found her way to reception.

Wow, 10 points of Belinda already. I could have helped Rocky with this initial, like, just right.
Belinda got to the horse and jockey reception, and we could have saved a lot of time.

It was now 8 p.m., and she asked the youngish man on duty if dinner was still serving. It's been a long day, hasn't it? She must be ravenous.
I tell you what. It's the same day as.

Is it the same day as the egg and chips she had and the beans that you were bothering about?

She went on a tour of the cook shops of London first thing. Oh my god.
She's done a lot today. Also, how old do we feel the youngish man is? What do we think? Is that like 30?

Well, he's a man, so he's going to be not under 18, do we think? Also, this is Rocky's definition of youngish. Oh, he could be 53.

Because I think Rocky still thinks, you know, he's young at heart, so he's like, youngish, 59.

She asked the youngish man on duty if dinner was still serving.

Well, it's eight o'clock, can I just say? Yeah. What's the window for dinner if not eight o'clock? That's when I normally book a table for.
Yeah, eight o'clock's prammed ham.

There's still 20 more minutes left for orders. 15 minutes.

20!

20 minutes to get an order in. Also, what cut-off point is 20 past the hour?

Breakfast is served from 6.16 until 8.17

and dinner finishes at 8.20. Belinda, just order another beans on toast and you'll be fine.
There's still 20 more minutes left for orders, madam.

And might I add how extremely attractive you are looking this evening? Are you joking? She's been through the mill.

She's been through the mill. She's dressed in like ripped jodpers and like...
No, they're not ripped. I think they're.
Oh, stolen. Yeah, stolen.
But I'm writing my own book here.

It's right to presume everything she's wearing is ripped. Usually it is.

Belinda grinned and wondered if he had recognised the clothes or was just fishing for a bit of sex later on that night. It's a fair question to ask, yeah.

Also, not using a verbal response, as has become Belinda's trademark. It finishes at 8:20 8.20 and you look really nice.
Grin. Grin, blink.
Hang on. Let her finish.

Don't get on your high horse, literally. Belinda grinned and wondered if he had recognised the clothes or was just fishing for a bit of sex later on that night.
Whatever.

She didn't want to disappoint, so she replied. Why, thank you.
How very gentlemanly of you to say so, especially as I'm dining alone. Belinda, not everyone wants a shag.

Some people are just complimenting you. Especially want want a shag from Belinda.
She's not everyone's type. Especially people who work for tips.
No offence.

Oh, do you think he's just laying on the flattery of the charm?

I love that she's... A bellboy.
Well, here is it.

He smiled in return and nodded slowly, as if confirming he might be available that evening. Well, I think she's read into that nod, hasn't she?

A nod can't really say you may be available this evening. Yeah, she's preaching a bit though.
I think it can just be like... Nodless.
Yeah. Yeah.
Thumbs up. Yeah.
Yeah, you crazy lady going.

A slow nod as well is basically like, I'm pushing the alarm below the desk.

Please book me in for dinner. I'll be down in 10 minutes.
Certainly, madam. Belinda asked for her key and went immediately to her room.
She quickly spruced herself up and viewed the mirror.

Yes, she agreed. I do look extremely attractive in a very raw, sexy way in this riding gear.
Agreed with who?

Oh, the bellboy.

Yeah, I love that her internal monologue is way chattier than her actual self. I think this is a must-new style for me.
Hopefully, Peter Rowles will feel the same. It's a must-new style.

Must-new style.

That's not a sentence.

Interesting syntax again. Hopefully, Peter Rowles will feel the same.

However, there was no time to lose. She was famished.
She hadn't eaten since that very quick lunchtime barbecue, and she needed strength for the rest of what was going to be a very active evening.

Oh, my God. We forgot the barbecue.
I don't remember. I'm having any barbecue.
Was that at the Tombola?

That's what you guys got confused with the beans.

No, she had a full English. No, that again was created by you.
She only had scrambled eggs. At a barbecue? She had scrambled eggs in the morning.
And then she went to the barbecue.

James thought there was beans there. Turned out it was a sausage or something.
No, you thought she had beans with the eggs. Oh, I can't.

Who cares? But I think what this is telling us is I do apologise. But I think what this is telling us is, you know, you're complaining about the lack of detail.

It means you can, you know, add your own spin on it. Like, put, put your own details in.

Well, there is one surefire way to know if she ate the beans or not, and that is to buy the book available on Amazon, everybody. Absolutely.
Nice plug, Jamie. Thank you.

Most people overpay for car insurance, not because they're careless, but because switching feels like too much hassle. That's why there's Jerry, your proactive insurance assistant.

Jerry compares rates side by side from over 50 top insurers and helps you switch with ease. Jerry even tracks market rates and alerts you when it's best to shop.
No spam calls, no hidden fees.

Drivers who save with Jerry could save over $1,300 a year. Switch with confidence.
Download the Jerry app or visit jerry.ai slash Acast today.

Zinn is America's number one nicotine pouch brand. Plus, Zin offers a robust rewards program.

Check out Zinn.com slash find to find Zin at a store near you.

Hi folks, it's Mark Bittman from the podcast Food with Mark Bittman.

Whole Foods Market is your holiday headquarters with everything you need, whether you're a guest or hosting the big dinner with show-stopping centerpiece means like bone-in spiral cut ham or bone-in rib roast or even king crab.

And if you want to take a few shortcuts, no one is looking after all, try the heat-neat sides from the prepared foods department.

Hey, Ryan Reynolds here for Mint Mobile. You know, one of the perks about having four kids that you know about is actually getting a direct line to the big man up north.

And this year, he wants you to know the best gift that you can give someone is the gift of Mint Mobile's unlimited wireless for $15 a month. Now, you don't even need to wrap it.

Give it a try at mintmobile.com/slash switch. Upfront payment of $45 for three months plan equivalent to $15 per month required.
New customer offer for first three months only.

Speed slow after 35 gigabytes if network's busy. Taxes and fees extra.
See Mintmobile.com. Grief doesn't keep a calendar.
Anxiety doesn't clock out after five.

Depression doesn't care if it's your busy season, but support can still fit into your life. With Grow, you can find a therapist who meets you where you are.

They connect you with thousands of independent licensed therapists across the U.S. offering both virtual and in-person sessions.

You can search by insurance, provider specialty, treatment methods, and more to find a therapist who works for you. And if it's not the right fit, switching is easy.

There are no subscriptions, no long-term commitments. You just pay per session.
Find therapy on your time. Evenings, weekends, and cancel up to 24 hours in advance at no cost.

Whatever challenges you're facing, Grow Therapy is here to help. Sessions average about $21 with insurance and some pay as little as $0 depending on their plan.

Visit growtherapy.com/slash ACAST today to get started. That's growtherapy.com/slash ACAST.
Growtherapy.com/slash ACAST. Availability and coverage vary by state and insurance plan.

She ran down to the dining room, got shown her table, and immediately ordered a bottle of Chardonnay. Chillian, Chilean, of course.
Of course. Of course.
She's a classy lady.

When I'm absolutely famished as well, I'm like, what I need first is a bottle of wine.

I'm so hungry, just straight for the bottle. Belinda prided herself on knowing her wines.

Her father, after all, was a sales manager for one of the big wine cellars in central London, and he had spent many evenings training her in one of the best sales techniques for getting clients to buy without remorse.

Hang on, he taught her to like shag around. Ew!

Oh no, Bobby Blumenthal taught her this. My dad taught me a sales technique.

We found our series too. So, was Mr.
Blumenthal always handcuffed to a trellis? I don't understand which bit was the bit that he taught her.

He had spent many evenings training her in one of the best sales techniques for getting clients to buy without remorse, drinking very good wine and lots of it.

So not sex. Should have just let that sentence.

Sorry, we were premature there. Belinda dined at her leisure.
No, she didn't. In 10 minutes.

Unless she means like she likes having a food blended and then having it through a straw. Gross.

Belinda dined at her leisure. And for the first time that day, she felt she wasn't under pressure.
Well, of course she did. She's not like strapped to a trellis.
She's not like strapped to a bed.

I would feel less under pressure when I wasn't strapped to something.

I feel like that's drawing on something that you're agitated about.

Seriously, you always have a bit of an overreaction.

What have you been strapped to today?

Though her strange clothing didn't fit all that well and made her feel quite hot, she couldn't wait to start removing some of it, she thought wickedly.

Go to bed, Belinda. Just have an early night.
Have an early night, watch some like rubbish TV. Yeah, just get some kip.
It's a Saturday night, X Factor will be on or something.

Do you know what I mean? Her meal finished, Belinda took the rest of her wine to her room in an ice bucket where she sipped it slowly. Probably directly out of the bucket, if I know, Belinda.

Class all the way.

It was now 11 p.m. and it was the time for wait.

it.

I bet they couldn't wait to get her out of there. You did say last orders at 20 past eight.
She's got a busy evening ahead of her. Why is she like messing about at dinner for three hours?

It was now 11pm and it was time for Peter to make an appearance. Belinda went down to the lobby where she ordered another bottle of Chardonnay.
Popped it into the ice.

That'll see her through till 2 a.m.

Popped it into the replenished ice bucket and waited for Peter. Was it replenished? Oh good.
What's the ice doing? Has the ice melted? Probably not. Someone's probably replenished it.

Yeah, what's the character arc of the ice?

Also, where's the youngish man? Is he off duty?

Spot on at 11.30, he walked through the lobby door and saw Belinda immediately. Well, she's got a massive hat on.
She's dressed like she's just been to a fox hunt.

And I can't imagine the lobby was that busy at this conclusion. I feel so specially spotted me straight away.
Love at first sight.

She's probably convinced herself of that, to be fair. He opened his hands and kissed her on the cheek.
Opened his hands?

Like a book? Is he doing the Sherrard's motion for a book?

He opened his hands and kissed her on the cheek. Both sides.
Not unusual for a sophisticated European. Hang on.
When he says cheek, we mean face cheek, right? Not buttock, surely.

That may be coming. I think that's unusual for a European.

That's never happened to me. Would you like a drink, Mr.
Rouse?

Oh, please keep calling me Peter. After all, we are very much acquainted after this afternoon's events.
Yeah, I mean, I wrote symbols on you, so we know each other well.

I literally splattered your body with hieroglyphics, honey. Have I told you? You have a wonderful body, my dear, and much, much better without the mud.

Well, whose fault was that? Yeah, you're the one who's caking her in the stuff. They both laughed, and Peter said, I do like your current outfit, Belinda.
Very much in tune with this hotel.

Great small talk. Oh, yeah.
Brilliant. Well done, Peter.
Belinda gently blushed. She couldn't tell him how she'd acquired the clothing, and she really did enjoy wearing it.
That's true.

That's going to be a mood killer. Straight after I had sex with you, I went to the Duchess's house and she stuck a riding crop up me.

There's no easy way there to break that. Unfortunately, she's already had dinner because that would be a kind of like midway through Maine's like, did mean say.

You know how we have sex? It was really amazing, and we had that connection. And a couple of other things.
I stole her car and I've left her unconscious at her house.

And also, she's quite old and saggy. Anyway, Anyway, what did you do today?

Dear diary. Oh my god, the diaries of Belinda Blink will be amazing.
Spin off. Oh no, don't, because someone's going to nick that now.

Copyright. I do like wearing adventurous garments, Peter, and I hoped these would tweak your interest.
Tweak? Tweak your interest? That's not the phrase.

They don't tweak anyone's interest, thank you very much. Put your interest away.
Let's pique your interest, Rocky. Top marks.
Is that what they say in the show jumping circles? No.

Belinda replied quickly. I'm more of a fox chasing type of person myself.
Belinda likes fox hunting. Ha ha ha.
Very good, Belinda. I do enjoy your style of humour.

Sorry. Alert me to when that begins.
At least someone does.

How did the joke begin? Yeah, I was going to say, I mean, how far back should we go? What was the joke? I think the book's the joke.

I do enjoy your style of humour. Now let's have some of that delicious wine.
Belinda poured Peter a glass and leant leant back on the leather city.

Peter sat beside her and gently fondled her left thigh. In the lobby? How do you fondle a thigh? Just like pat a thigh, don't you? Just like caress gently.
Yeah, I don't think you fondle.

I hope if this is going to go any further, they take it into a more private setting. Don't sit in the lobby.

Yeah, do you think they're sat at that bit where always in the window it's like it's been in like the kind of like B and B guide and you know like they've always got all the leaflets for like air things to see in the area.

Aladdin in pantomime.

There's usually like a butterfly centre or like some kind of like farm

museum.

Peter, could we position some of our pots and pans range in your supermarkets? What?

Oh, that's what she meant.

So when dad wrote she's going to get down to business, he means literally business. Actual business and leadership.
Oh, my God. If you were Peter, you'd be like, sorry, what?

You'd be like, gear change. Yeah.

You'd think, because of that scenario, because he's fondling a thigh, you'd be like, yeah, I can position some of my pots and pans in your

supermarket. That doesn't work though, does it? But you'd be clutching at straws.

The thing is, though, I think because they're all here under the pretence of it being a business kind of networking event, maybe they're all used to having their sexual fantasies fulfilled whilst discussing business.

This is the worst way to do business. I think it's a great way to do business.
Yeah, you do. Oh, you do, do you? It's kind of old school.
You're a Flintstone.

You probably think it's absolutely conventional.

Absolutely, Peter replied. In fact, this afternoon, we've just ordered 3,000 units of your Oxybrillo range.

Who's naming these products? Hands up if you're bed.

Guys,

quicker name brainstorm. Oxybrillo?

Brainstorm over. Sold.

Meeting adjourned. Off to the Pentra.

I'm glad that only took two minutes. Cheers.
In fact, this afternoon, we've just ordered 3,000 units of your Oxybrillo range to get you started.

And my purchasing team are looking at other products of yours which will fit into our present range of kitchen utensils.

So she needn't have bothered with like before she was strapped to the trellis, they'd already ordered the Oxy Brillo range. What do you mean before?

Well, he said this afternoon. He must have done it before the

is gutting if that's the case. No, I think he had sex with her, discovered that she was amazing, then put his order in.
But if it was before. I'd be like, can I see the PO form please?

And I'd like to check the time.

Because I have been used. Don't say PO form.
It's turning Jamie on

all this business chat. Yeah.

Wow, Belinda gasped and opened her legs slightly.

Calm yourself, Belinda. Peter quickly took advantage and moved his hand higher up her thigh.
No, no, look, go to your bedroom and then do all this business. Or at least one thing at a time.

If we're talking business, talk business, then get that finished with, and then go, you know, a bit of slap and tickle, but don't combine the two. It's a classic mixing business and pleasure.

It's never open. That's what that phrase is about.

Are you noticing your car insurance rate creep up even without tickets or claims? You're not alone. That's why there's Jerry, your proactive insurance assistant.

Jerry handles the legwork by comparing quotes side by side from over 50 top insurers so you can confidently hit buy. No spam calls, no hidden fees.

Jerry even tracks rates and alerts you when it's best to shop. Drivers who save with Jerry could save over $1,300 a year.
Don't settle for higher rates.

Download the Jerry app or visit jerry.ai slash Acast today.

What are you reaching for? If you're a smoker or vapor, you could be reaching for so much more with Zen Nicotine Pouches.

When you reach for Zen, you're reaching for 10 satisfying varieties and two strengths for a smoke-free experience that lets you lean in.

for chances to break free from your routine and a unique nationwide community. Whatever you're reaching for, reach for it with America's number one nicotine pouch brand.

Find yours in wherever nicotine products are sold near you. Warning.
This product contains nicotine. Nicotine is an addictive chemical.

Belinda undid her cravat.

Oh my god, sexy.

Belinda undid her cravat and slowly unbuttoned the top four of her shirt buttons. Four to me says, boobs are showing.

Well, it's funny you should say that because the next line is, her delicious cleavage was now on view. That doesn't surprise me.
Peter quickly moved his other hand to fondle her left breast.

Just one of them. Just one tit.

I love that it's like twister, like right hand into groin, left hand onto breast.

Peter quickly moved his other hand to fondle her left breast and rubbed the nipple showing through the white linen.

Sometimes I just need to mime it out just to see if it's actually physically possible because sometimes

worrying. I didn't know what you were doing.
Oh, yeah, sorry. That's right.

it's right in your face sorry and do you think this is passable as an action yeah i do think he's gonna kind of look slightly odd but i think

like he's operating a machine or something a bit like he's kind of rubbing his tummy and patting his head yeah there's one of those kind of motions going on be skillful then at least it's happening in the foyer of a hotel and not somewhere strange

No problem, Belinda. After all, your company's products are top class, if a little expensive, and I'm sure we can overcome that little problem between us.

As he's just holding a boob. And rubbing the nipple.
Rubbing the nipple did it. Not a time to criticise your prize point,

in my opinion, but I've maybe it's why I haven't advanced in business. Yes, Belinda gasped, her senses working overtime between Peter's massaging her very upper thigh and breast.
Her very upper thigh.

I have access to some marketing incentives which will help.

It's brilliant. This is the sexiest, sexiest, dirty talk I have ever heard.
Seriously. Shhh, Belinda.
Yeah, seriously.

Just relax. Shhh now, Belinda.
Shush, shushy. Shut up.
Let me talk. Shh, Belinda.
Just relax, said Peter. We can discuss this all at the office next week in Amsterdam when you come to visit me.

Precisely, exactly, hypocrite. I've gone right off, Peter.
I love that you hadn't gone off him when he started writing strange symbols on a back.

Well, I thought he was going to be a bit more exciting. I I thought he was going to be a kind of,

I don't know, I just thought he'd be something. Underneath it, he's just a hard-nosed businessman.
He is, isn't he? They all are. All the same.
All the same. Beasts.

You think you've got a relationship and then they invoice you.

We can discuss this all at the office next week in Amsterdam when you come to visit me. Am I? replied Belinda.
Oh, yes, of course. I really can't wait.
Well, let's make it Thursday, okay?

Yes, yes, I'll be there. But now, now, said Peter, let's get down to some real business.

Good one, Peter.

He slowly unbuttoned the remaining buttons on Belinda's shirt. No, no, no.
He slowly took her out of the foyer to the bedroom.

Also, love all the mentions of buttons. He slowly unbuttoned the remaining buttons on Belinda's shirt and let her full oval breasts fall.

Oval!

Oval. Oval.
Oval. This is where I think the 69 looks more.

Imagine a 69 as a boob. Oval breasts.
I'm not sure they...

Yeah, okay. It's none of my business.
It's fine. Better than pomegranates.
Well, I was going to say that they're kind of morphing all the time.

They're changing shape. Were they pomegranates? Were they hers? Oh, they were just.

Yeah, I was going to say. To be fair.
Oh, yeah. I think they were described as shapely, and obviously that shape is oval.

In one fluid movement, he tucked her shirt into the back of her jodpers and started kissing her. Why would he he tuck her in? That's very bizarre.
So a boobs are out, so what's he keeping concealed?

No, never show your lower back. We're in reception.
It's like taking out her trousers and tying her shoes.

What a weird combination.

Belinda groaned. She could never resist the soft male touch of a mouth on her nipples.

Okay. Mm-hmm.

Sure.

She never could resist it, Jamie.

She needs to learn.

She could never resist the soft male touch of a mouth on her nipples, and Peter was exquisite in his sensuality.

Sorry.

That just repeated on me. We're all there.

Above his head in the corner of the lobby.

Oh, no.

What's your face saying? What was it? Alphonse's head popped through a window.

Belinda noticed a red light blinking. What does that mean? It was a security camera.

No doubt recording what was going on. Oh gosh.
Her mind thought of the young man behind the desk when she checked in. Her mind thought, she thought, she thought.

Is this a new character? Belinda's mind.

You don't need to say what part of the body is doing the thinking. It's her mind.
It's her brain. That's fine.
I don't know. Her clip can do a lot of thinking.
You're right. We're mainly chatting.

That's true. It was more the back chat.
Never thinks before it talks that clip.

Her mind thought of the young man behind the desk when she checked in. Yes, that was it.
He was building his profile of her for his personal use. No, they've got a security camera.

They didn't expect you to start shagging in the middle of reception. You didn't rig it up half an hour before, thinking just in case.

When she went for a 20-minute dinner, we didn't think, oh, I'm glad I brought that home kit of like CCTV equipment. I'll Skype her from my house.
Not all about you, Belinda. Big head.
Yeah, seriously.

Oval head. Oval boop.

a wicked thought entered her mind she would give him a session to record and Peter Rouse a very good time into the bargain I knew I knew it he's just a voyeur this youngish man

oh yeah of course

and guys that is the end of chapter 10 you are joking that's the end of chapter 10 so she's about to do a like a porno sesh basically Turns out dad isn't just writing a porno, but there's now going to be a porno in the porno.

what's the next chapter called i can't believe that's the end can we guess what the next chapter's called is it called the porno the webcam the webcam the next chapter is called sunday night 1155 p.m

great snappy title it's not sunday night is it sunday night it's saturday night unless we jump ahead now and that just no no i'm sure it's probably still the same night yeah that would be consistent with rocky style yeah sunday night 1155 p.m i don't know what to make of that i feel like the character of Peter's entirely changed.

Yes. He's become our right sap.
And then, actually, when he was in the maze, he was, you know, quite studly and quite

mysterious. He swept her off her feet.
But maybe he just looked good in comparison to what she just had, which was Jim Sterling. Yeah, to be fair, he's a good person.

Jim Sterling's a good person to follow. Actually, Jim Sterling's probably quite a good person to have like a little photo of on your mirror.

You know, in the morning when you're just like, I feel really low and I look a bit shit. Oh, no, I'm fine.
Life's great. Next.

He'd be a good like warm-up guy, wouldn't he? Send him at me first all the time. Poor Jim.
Who's going to play Jim in the film, actually? That's going to be a good idea. He's got a tiny penis.

Who would ever sign on for doing that? Well, they won't, will they? After a CGI. A CGI penis or CGI Jim Sterling.
Oh, look. I don't think we'd even need a big budget for that.

Wow. So that was quite sex light again.
Yeah, but I feel like it's kind of teed up the next chapter quite nicely. I think we know what we're going to be getting next Monday.

so guys do get in touch with us let us know what you think of the book and the podcast so far uh we're on twitter facebook instagram just google my dad wrote a porno you'll find us also please head over to amazon and buy the book let us know what you think of the horse and jockey i'd definitely stay there oh my god do you think it actually exists

And if it doesn't, we should set one up. Shall I do a quick Google? There'll be like a thousand horse and jockeys, surely.
There is one. Where? In Ravensdon, Bedford.

I think this is exactly where it said. It sounds just like Ravensden.
If there's a maze near Ravensden and a small chalet. Guys, the CCTV.

And dinner ends at 8:20. It's the place.
Oh my god, we found it. We need to go.
Let's go now. James, start getting the engine.
We're going. Get the Land Rover going.
To the horse and jockey.

Hi, folks. It's Mark Bittman from the podcast Food with Mark Bittman.

Whole Foods Market is your holiday headquarters with everything you need, whether you're a guest or hosting the big dinner with show-stopping centerpiece means like bone-in spiral cut ham or bone-in rib roast or even king crab.

And if you want to take a few shortcuts, no one is looking after all, try the heat-neat sides from the prepared foods department.

Zin is America's number one nicotine pouch brand. Plus, Zin offers a robust rewards program.

Check out zinn.com/slash find to find Zinn at a store near you.