S1E7 - 'The Tombola' REMASTERED

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The following podcast contains adult themes, sexual content, and strong language.

Basically, all the good stuff.

Jamie, why are we here?

We're here because my dad's written a porno.

Your dad's written a porno.

Erotic literature.

Why?

Previously, on my dad wrote a porno.

Jim Sterling was a chubby.

Jim Sterling.

Yeah.

Chubby and short and stout.

Here's his handle.

Where's his spout?

My name is Peter, he said, and quickly bowed.

As is traditional in Holland.

So he began using the mud to mark Belinda's tits, ass, mouth, and ears with symbolic signs.

Hello, and welcome back to another episode of My Dad Rotoporno.

Alice, thanks for joining me again.

I can't believe I've been invited back.

So this is great.

Of course, you've been invited back.

Always welcome.

Always welcome, James.

Thank you.

New haircut.

Looking very swish.

Well, I thought I'd make an effort for Belinda.

You know, these are special nights to me, and I like to make an effort.

Jamie, thank you for offering to read us yet another chapter.

We are getting really into the thick of it now.

You're welcome, Alice.

Every day's a struggle, but I'm getting through it.

Where are we at?

I've kind of...

Where are we at?

It's been a few days.

I've forgotten.

We've lost the will to lift.

Yeah.

So basically, last chapter, Belinda met Peter Rouse.

It might have gone to love from just sex, which we know Belinda loves and enjoys, but we think maybe there's an emotional connection in it.

Well, she certainly made reference, or Rocky did through his prose, that she felt a connection that was deeper than just the average fuck in a bush, which essentially is what she's doing in a maze, isn't it?

I think he's paraphrased.

Paraphrasing, obviously.

So it's turning into a bit of a romance novel.

This could be the next gone with the wind.

Oh my God.

Well, I mean, mud symbols on her back aside.

I was going to say, that got a bit weird.

A little bit weird, but you know, Belinda knows her heart.

So I trust her.

True.

I also trust my dad.

I mean, really?

Wow.

That makes one.

Let's take some more.

Maybe not as much as I used to as

like a young boy when he would take me fishing, but I have understood him on a different level, certainly, throughout this process, which has been interesting.

Okay, so are we all ready?

Belinda blinked.

Chapter 8: The Tombola.

Oh, yes!

I totally forgot about the Tombola.

Get your tickets.

There'll be nothing light and innocent about this.

Belinda was now both exhausted and exhilarated.

She was now exhausted.

Three clients in?

She's hardy.

Who said this?

So we found her straight back in the maze.

Oh, yeah, we're where we left her.

Okay.

She'd been fucked by three males.

Males.

It's almost like a David Attenborough now, isn't it?

The male approached the female with a black thong.

There's nothing natural about any of this, though, no.

It doesn't happen in the wild, it doesn't.

It barely happens in literature, only in Rocky's filthy mind.

Aka, my dad.

So somber.

She'd been fucked by three males.

Well, let's be honest, two and a half.

Yeah.

Two in a bowl.

No, that's in the book.

Oh, that's the cup, right?

I thought that was a sight.

That wasn't me.

That was Rocky.

That was all Rocky.

Rocky's a little bitch.

Patty Rocky, meow.

Maybe I should start again to give you the full flow.

Belinda was now both exhausted and exhilarated.

She had been fucked by three males, well, let's be honest, two and a half, in the last two hours and had been totally mesmerised by one of them.

The vole.

We all were.

We couldn't take our eyes off it.

Couldn't put our eyes on it.

It was so sad.

She also had a sick sense that she could never opt out of the special relationship Peter Rouse and herself had developed in their short meeting.

But for all that she was completely up for it, Peter was a successful, dominating character.

And come to think of it, so was she.

She's basically met her match.

Yeah, that's what I like about that relationship.

It feels like they are two very equal parties.

I don't know.

I think that's, you know, two dominating partners.

Surely you need one passive, one dominating.

I don't think it's going to work out.

I foresee problems on the horizon.

Speaks volumes about your private life, James.

Okay.

Can we stop talking about my sex life, Lisa?

Passive is the James character.

Are you on the hook for Peter Round?

Now relaxing against the trellis.

As you do.

Because it's quite the place to relax.

Yeah, get a bit of sunbathing in, why, don't you?

She pulled the parcel string sharply and it fell to the muddy ground.

That was secure then, after all that.

She might as well have just been stood there.

She slowly twisted the plastic handcuffs and they fell apart and she bent down to pick up her tennis outfit.

How strong is Belinda?

And then she ripped the trellis in two.

She's the female Hulk all of a sudden.

And then she punched Alphonse.

It was a real mess.

Tell me about it.

I think it's a tennis outfit.

Oh, I meant the whole thing from chapter one through to present day.

It was a real mess, but for decency's sake, she put what was left of the shirt and dress back on.

What?

So she just kind of draped the rest of the sleeve.

She knew Tony would be here any minute to bring her back to the barbecue area, and then she could get back to her lovely bath at her room in the Horse and Jockey.

Soon she heard footsteps coming through the maze, and thankfully it was Tony.

He was in a black thong.

Hello, Belinda.

Oh, hi, Belinda.

Let me guess.

We could write it, James.

She's still not had her wicked way with Tony, has she?

Oh, Tony.

Herself always gets in the way, maybe.

Or maybe this is the moment.

Oh, oh, oh.

Thankfully, it was Tony.

He had a large smile on his face.

I bet he did.

You're a star, Belinda.

Those three guys you just entertained are over the moon with you.

Entertained.

Yeah,

she didn't do a song and dance number.

To be fair, she's entertained us.

She's done everything but song and dance, to be fair.

She's done the whole Razamud has.

They're over the moon with you.

And the other girls have done good as well.

Other girls?

How many trellises are there?

They're different maces, different voices.

I don't believe it.

This is a twist I didn't see coming.

I bet she doesn't feel very special now, does she?

What do you mean, other girls?

I'm with Belinda.

Didn't you know?

Giselle and Bella are here as well.

It's not just you.

She will have got the lower-ranking executives, though.

She won't have got somebody with 300 outlets.

And hardly a trellis.

She'd have been on a bit of wood, probably.

It's not just you.

It's your glee team as well.

Glee team.

What does that mean?

It seems fruitless to ask that question while we're reading this novel.

Oh, oh my God.

It's like I'm preempting Belinda at every turn.

Tony, what do you mean by glee?

By glee team?

I love that it's like a call and answer session.

Rocky's anticipating the basically the knot of language that it is, and so now realises I'm going to have to explain my every turn.

Tony, what do you mean by glee team?

We're all just girls out for a good time, and I need a bath.

More to the point.

Tony looked at her and decided not to comment on her condition.

Very good of him.

He had never seen so much mud stick to a person.

And what were those symbolic marks on her face and thighs?

Tony, if I had a pound for every time somebody asked that.

They soon reached a barbecue area, which had been transformed into a Roman-style amphitheatre,

with over 40 people sitting around on chairs.

On chairs?

They had chairs, James.

It was such a formal affair.

They soon reached a barbecue area, which had been transformed into a Roman-style amphitheatre, with 40 people sitting around on chairs.

They were mostly clients with their wives.

I bet those wives are having the best day out ever.

Jim, where have you been?

Why are you covered in in mud?

Alfons, you've been gone for 45 minutes.

They were mostly clients with their wives who had, up to this point, no knowledge of the sexual adventures which a few of their number had been allowed access to.

How could they not know?

I mean, you've got Belinda moaning and a groaning from the maze, which can't be that far away.

Absolutely.

Someone's blowing a whistle all the time.

Belinda sat down on a chair.

A chair?

He really paints a picture with words.

Which Tony had found for her.

She looked around and tried to locate Giselle and Bella.

They'll be the other muddy ones, probably.

Belinda gasped when she recognised Giselle.

What?

Why?

Her beautiful blonde hair had been, to say the best, remodeled.

I also love the saying, to say the best.

Which is not a phrase.

By perhaps a maniac with a twist for the dramatic.

Three question marks.

Oh,

unorthodox.

I think he's lost his shit.

So her hair's been remodeled perhaps by a maniac.

With a twist for the dramatic.

That's how I describe your hair.

So if we just look at Alice, we can kind of get a sense of what Giselle's is looking like.

Oh, the poor thing.

What's she been through?

Giselle, that is.

What have you been through, Alice?

Belinda gasped when she recognised Giselle.

Her beautiful blonde hair had been, to say the best, remodelled.

Stop saying to say the best.

By perhaps a maniac with a twist for the dramatic.

Her dress had seen as much wear as Belinda's tennis outfit and was being held together by a few safety pins.

Where'd she get those from?

Yeah.

Thought I had.

Yeah, see, Belinda's a novice.

Giselle looked up and saw Belinda staring at her.

She smiled and stared back at Belinda's equally disgusting condition and torn clothing.

Girls, you need to stick together and stop like slagging off each other's

silently judging each other.

Bitch stole my mouth.

Mean girl vibes, just like uh, you look a mess.

Uh, also, maybe don't don't just stare.

Maybe just say something.

I don't know.

Maybe greet each other.

I think they're across the amphitheatre.

Oh, across the sea of 40 people.

The huge crowd.

Fun chairs.

Come on.

Oh, sorry, on chairs.

I forget about the chairs.

It's hard to navigate such a sea.

I didn't see the chairs coming because there was no reference to those in the blurb.

No.

They've really come out of the blue.

And there was a reference to everything else.

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Hey, I'm Paige DeSorbo, and I'm always thinking about underwear.

I'm Hannah Berner, and I'm also thinking thinking about underwear, but I prefer full coverage.

I like to call them my granny panties.

Actually, I never think about underwear.

That's the magic of Tommy John.

Same, they're so light and so comfy, and if it's not comfortable, I'm not wearing it.

And the bras, soft, supportive, and actually breathable.

Yes, Lord knows the girls need to breathe.

Also, I need my PJs to breathe and be buttery soft and stretchy enough for my dramatic tossing and turning at night.

That's why I live in my Tommy John pajamas.

Plus, they're so cute because they fit perfectly.

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Belinda thought perhaps she had gotten off lightly.

But why was Tony so happy?

Giselle was his girl, and she seemed to be in a bit of a state.

Why does Belinda always think she looks better than Giselle?

It's always like, I look better slightly better boobs yeah step off giselle belinda gave giselle a thumbs up

sorry no one does that thumbs up

and looked around

at a shagathon too thumbs up across the amphitheater thumbs up for shagathon

belinda gave giselle a thumbs up and looked around for bella i'm done with you

she soon spotted her and to be honest bella didn't look much better than giselle oh god Though her hair was intact, her outfit was...

Intact!

What do you mean?

What?

Ripped it out as a skull.

Is Giselle bald?

I don't think so.

It's remodeled.

Intact?

Just how remodeled has Giselle's hair been?

Giselle's got a toupee on.

So Bella's hair's intact, but...

Oh, God.

Should we read on?

Should we find out?

Shall we find out?

Though her hair was intact, her outfit was sporting half a dozen safety pins.

Where is everybody getting all these safety pins from?

And why did no one offer one to Belinda?

Is it all habitashery in the maze?

I bet Bella and Giselle brought a box of safety pins and didn't tell Belinda.

Didn't share.

And they're like, screw Belinda.

Eventually, Belinda will get screwed.

Maybe it's an annual Tombola.

Maybe this is just run of the mill.

Yeah.

Also, can I just say, during all this, when obviously they look like they've been dragged through a hedge backwards and then shagged up against a trolley's, which is exactly what's happened,

all the wives are just sitting around drinking pins going,

ladies ever had a rough ride here.

They must have got caught in the rain.

They're half naked and covered in mud.

And that girl's had all her hair ripped out.

And they're just enjoying their cucumber sandwiches.

Bella's face was, however, covered in red lipstick

as though another maniac had tried to apply it.

Who invited all the maniacs?

Well, these maniac hairstylists.

They had definitely succeeded in making her look like a tart.

But I thought the makeup was all over her face.

She doesn't look like a tart.

She looks like a crazy person.

Because just lipstick scrawled over your face just screams, Lady of the Night.

It certainly does.

I've done it before.

It attracts a lot of attention.

Belinda caught Bella's eye and smiled at her.

Bella gave her the thumbs up.

Thumbs up.

Another thumbs up.

Belinda thought, this is very strange.

What's going to happen next?

I'm guessing a Tombola's about to happen.

If it doesn't this chapter, I feel desperately misled.

A couple of minutes later, a tall chap stood up and addressed the gathering.

Welcome, everyone, to our annual Tombola.

It was annual.

There you go.

It was a yearly thing.

Once you've been to one, you cannot wait more than 12 months to go to another.

Once you've been to one, you bring safety pins to the next.

Exactly.

Welcome, everyone, to our annual Tombola, where our prizes are the same as previous years.

Wow, great, good.

Can I guess what they are?

Are they women?

Well, there's no reference to them, so I think we can all make them up.

So we have to have been to the Tombola previously, the fictitious Tombola, to know what the prize is.

We have had to visit Rocky's mind a bit like being John Markovich.

Okay, great.

Welcome, everyone, to our annual Tombola, where our prizes are the same as previous years.

I also want to personally thank Sir James Godwin

for letting us have this opportunity to raise much-needed money for our local charity.

What charity is endorsing this as a form of fundraising?

It's not for charity shag.

How do the RSPB be raising their money i'm really suspicious now with my 15 pounds a month that goes to them i also want to personally thank sir james gon for letting us have this opportunity to raise some much needed money for our local charity the asses and donkeys trust

what kind of asses are we talking about here i can now die happy this is my favourite bit of belinda blinked i've found my new charity to support i think

so once a year let's sorry let me just get this straight

once a year the pots and pans industry get together for a charity event charity tombola hosted by sir james sir james godwin of course sorry knight of the realm

for the asses and donkey what association no trust the trust oh also are they i don't know if you can ask rocket this are they looking for an ambassador because i am willing to take on that role you couldn't write it but apparently you did you shouldn't write it i think of what you meant

now please remember as your prize is a real person you win a human being apparently so you will only get your servant for the time period of 12 hours why does he say it like that the highest bidder from this audience for each individual prize gets to take them home The audience clapped enthusiastically.

Good, all those wives.

Yeah, we're here.

The tall man continued.

There is only one rule, and that is that we have a safe word.

They have a safe word.

A safe word which, when uttered, means the owner stops the directed task right away and the servant is released from their 12-hour duty.

Can I just say, as you know, I've been to a lot of Tombolas.

This is the first time I've heard of it.

Yeah, most Tombolas don't require it.

I usually pay my 50p.

Got your ticket.

Got my half-used bottle of body lotion and gone on my merry way.

There's never been a safe word involved.

But if that's how they roll at the Asses and Donkeys Trust, that's fine.

That's none of my business.

The downside of that is the servant has to match the donation paid by the bidder to our charity.

What to be able to have a safe word?

I thought that was one rule.

It seems to be two rules.

And the rule is negated by part A of the rule.

The downside of that is that the servant has to match the donation paid by the bidder to our charity.

We all win.

Well, the asses and donkeys win.

I don't think any human being wins in this situation.

Okay.

Yes.

Now

We get every word.

Is that just to himself?

Okay, yes, I can continue.

Good.

We all win.

Okay.

Yes.

Now, please remember.

I don't know why that's so funny.

It's really tickled me.

Now, please remember, girls.

Girls.

And potential owners, the safe word is thimble.

Yes.

Thimble.

Thimble.

Yes.

I did just say say that.

Okay, yes, thimble.

Anyone, yes, thimble.

So everyone's got the same safe word, thimble.

Yeah.

The safe word is thimble.

Yes, thimble.

Easy to remember.

It stops you from getting pricked.

Oh,

lovely little joke from the tall man.

That's very good, bravo.

The crowd groaned.

Unlike my guests tonight, who both laughed.

Tough crowd.

Great joke.

Loose enough of it, guys.

It's going to get a lot heavier than that very quickly.

The crowd groaned and started clapping.

Thought she did.

She was intrigued.

It doesn't take much to pique Belinda's interest.

She quickly thought: who would I pick as my prize?

Oh, Tony, no.

Bever.

No.

No.

Sir James Godwin.

And boy.

She's never met.

He could look gross.

And boy, would I enjoy that scenario?

Today we have three servants on offer.

And to find out who they are, and take note, it could be any of you here, I want you all to look under your chairs and see the number attached to it.

What is it?

The price is right.

Belinda, come on down.

I'm also gutted because it's like we really should not have brought like Auntie Doreen to this.

She's like,

suddenly the chairs aren't so appealing.

Everyone's like all leaping out of them.

The sound of hurriedly scraping chairs fills the air whilst the now hushed audience check their numbers.

Belinda's was 13.

Unlucky for some, she thought.

It's definitely going to be unlucky for her.

She's totally in this Tombola.

Okay, the tall man shouted.

Let's tumble the Tombola.

You don't say that.

Can I just say you don't?

That's not the terminology of a Tombola.

Let's tumble the Tombola.

You don't ever say that.

Let's tumble the Tombola and see what the three lucky numbers are.

Lucky.

The Tombola went round and round.

What a double-blood.

He's stolen that from the wheels on the bus.

Belinda felt a sense of adventure take over her persona.

What?

Her persona.

Her modula on blonde gas.

She somehow felt she knew she would be a prize, but she didn't know who would be her owner.

Obviously not.

It's kind of sexy, though, now.

What am I saying?

No, fucking hell.

It's not sexy.

Actually, do you know what?

That's obviously weird for you to say, and that did creep me out.

But I know what you mean.

Like, I want to know.

It's a little intrigue, innit?

It's like, maybe it's just like the narrative device, it's starting to kick in.

We're like, oh, who's going to be the winner?

What is wrong with you two?

I don't know.

The first number is 22.

I repeat, 22.

Would the person sitting on chair number 22, please stand up?

Is this a tongue twister?

It's like number one.

I feel it is.

Yeah.

Would the person with the blue Volvo please call me?

It's parked right across the entrance.

It's parked across the maze.

Belinda looked around to see who the lucky person was.

Who was it, guys?

Come on.

Bella or Giselle.

It was Giselle.

And as she stood up, a safety pin fell out.

Where?

A safety pin fell out, revealing a beautiful right breast to the crowd.

Of course, it's a ripe breast.

Right.

Right.

The right.

Well, not the right port.

I'm sure they are ripe, but it was the right.

An appreciative murmur came from the men,

which saw many of the wives elbowing them in the ribs.

Did they dare bid for her after that?

Belinda thought.

The second number is 37.

I repeat, 37.

Bella stood up.

Yeah.

Oh, God.

No kidding.

Her safety pins held.

And Belinda stood up.

Can I just say, fix!

Bella stood up.

Her safety pins held.

And Belinda started to smell a rat.

Was it a rat?

It was a volume again, but never mind.

The third number is unlucky for some.

13.

She's already stood up.

She knows it's her.

It's fine.

We get it.

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Belinda jumped to her feet, ready to go, wondering who she would be a servant to for the next 12 hours.

Her torn shirt fell wide apart, revealing her breasts, and her tennis skirt flapped wide in the mounting breeze, revealing her pubic hairline to the assistant

body.

You lost me from this is chapter eight.

Thimble, I'm done.

That's too much.

That's too much.

I'm out of here.

Very good.

Very good.

I'm over.

I'm over it.

Her tennis skirt flapped wide in the mounting breeze, revealing her pubic hairline to the assembled body.

But she didn't care.

She was Belinda, and she was going to make sure a big butch man took her home.

Don't like her talking in the third person.

No, like she's some sort of like superhero.

And also one name now.

She's dropped the Blumenthal.

Now, said the tall man, this is where we make some money.

Tall man.

This is where we make some money for our charity, as the rest of you can bid for their services.

But firstly, do I have the agreement of these three very fine ladies to be coerced into these important roles?

Fine ladies, we've already established they look like an absolute train wreck.

One's covered in mud, one's bald, and the other one's got lipstick all over her face.

I'll take the scarecrow with alapucha.

I'll take the one with the face paint gone wrong.

The naked one with no shame.

Dipped in chocolate.

Belinda thought, What the fuck?

I'm with her.

That's exactly what I'm thinking right now.

This might be fun.

Oh.

Okay, we're going to have to do that.

We can't have too great defeat,

it's probably just doing a bit of cleaning and lawn mowing on a Sunday evening.

It's not.

Does she not know what novel she's in?

Does she not know who she is?

It's probably a bit of cleaning.

It's probably some light chores.

She shouted out, yes, I'm game.

Don't be too keen, Belinda.

No one likes someone who's like, you know, over-enthusiastic.

Whilst covering up her private parts with her hands and arms.

So she said, I'm game and then tries to cover herself up.

Yeah.

Oh, he's counting boobs in the private part.

Boobs and the pubic hairline, yeah.

Yeah, just the hairline.

Not the actual vagina.

Yeah.

The vagina between the two fingers.

The hairline's being concealed.

I don't understand.

The other two girls followed suit and happily agreed.

The tall man bowed to them,

making him almost to normal height.

And someone banged a gong.

What is it, like a Chinese ritual or something?

The tall man bowed to them.

Thank you for your noble assistance.

Our charity, the Asses and Donkeys Trust, is much indebted to you.

The bidding quickly started with Bella.

And she soon went for three hundred and fifty pounds to the American gymsterling.

But she doesn't know, she doesn't know.

Talk about short straw, literally.

Thank you.

Thank you.

I'm here all night for the next 12 hours.

£350, not bad.

And Bella soon went for £350 to the American Jim Sterling, who Belinda thought could do with a cock transplant.

Oh, wow.

And very soon at that.

Doesn't mince her thoughts, does she, our Belinda?

You have a cock transplant.

Giselle went next for £300

from Tony of all people.

Definitely a case of protecting his own.

So, Tony bid on Giselle, who's kind of his bit anyway.

Yeah, they're all together or whatever, but only bids 300 quid.

Leave scale.

Oh, God, yeah.

Embarrassed.

Awkward.

Bella doesn't even have a proper identity.

She's one woman, one minute, one woman, the minute.

But Giselle, she's got a body to die for.

Let her work it, or whatever it said in chapter one.

But she is now bald.

So she is plucked.

Then it was Belinda's turn.

Oh, Lord.

Oh, God.

The bid started slowly.

A pound.

Can I use this shrapnel?

I've got a pocket of change.

I've got some travellers' change.

Do you accept postal notes?

They're legal tender.

Would you bid for Belinda in the state she's in, bless her?

The bid started slowly, and Belinda couldn't believe her body was that bad.

Perhaps it was all the mud.

Where was her butch man?

Butch man!

Finally, she went for £200

from a lady.

A lady?

From a lady dressed in a white linen trouser suit and a Panama hat.

Okay, gutted for two reasons.

Thimbles.

One, the man from Del Monte has just

won you.

Two, you've gone for the cheapest price.

Oh, caveat.

Finally, she went for £200

from a lady dressed in a white linen trouser suit and a Panama hat called Only the Duchess.

Yes.

Duchess has finally arrived.

Yeah, bloody time.

With Belinda sold, the Tombola was over and the three girls were taken away to start their 12 hours of duty.

The now devastated Belinda.

Oh.

Oh, she didn't get the butch man.

Not being funny, but she went for 200 quid for 12 hours.

That's actually 16 quid an hour from the Duchess, who I think's think's got money to splurge.

Yeah, you would hope.

She's not getting paid.

Let's go to the asses and the donkeys.

Oh, you're very right.

You are.

You are.

She's doing it for them.

The now devastated Belinda was immediately led to a hose pipe near the stables, where the Duchess stripped her of her torn skirt and tennis shirt and hosed her down.

She roughly fondled Belinda's tits and ass in the washing process.

In the washing process.

As they all do.

With a long-handled brush and then pushed her, still naked, into a horse box.

Oh, well, at least she's had a good clean.

Long-handled brush.

What is it?

I think that woman should be around horses.

Never mind around Belinda.

With the rear tailgate down, it was obvious that it had all been planned in advance.

Instead of straw and manure, there was a sofa and drinks.

Up market horses.

Please, come in.

I'd probably say yes, that's not how it usually is.

Sofa and drinks.

Albeit chilled, tinned gin and tonics.

Well, you know, they are outdoors.

You can't have everything.

Beggars can't be choosers.

I like a gin and tonic in a tin.

Drunk in the park.

Good night.

The Duchess rudely pushed Belinda onto the sofa and offered her a drink.

Clearly, good breeding doesn't lead to good manners, does it?

That's all I've got to say on the matter.

The Duchess rudely pushed Belinda onto the sofa and offered her a drink.

Belinda nervously poured the the can down her by now parched throat.

She was still feeling horny and didn't think her new owner could give her what she craved, even after the afternoon's events.

Well, she wanted a butch man and she's ended up with a dainty woman dressed in a freaking Panama hat.

Panama fucking hat.

I mean, who wears a Panama hat?

She's done brilliantly, though, not to get any mud on her in that white linen.

Bravo.

Can we just talk about the fact that Belinda poured a drink down her throat from on high?

Like,

she's such a classy lady, straight down the gullet.

Yeah, she's an up market woman.

Quite a lot of the can didn't get down Belinda's throat, and she made sure the liquid trickled down her neck onto her breasts and then into her tummy button

where it pooled, overflowed, and ran down the track of her black pubic hair into her vagina.

Into her vagina, so that's gonna sting, isn't it?

And also, is there some kind of vacuum?

Sting, it's not a wound, no bit like alcohol and you know, internal bits.

Yes, if you've got some kind of sore down there,

why would you think it would sting?

What if this lemon in.

No, I guess it's in a can.

Lemon?

What's going on?

Don't bring a citrus into this.

Do you just think of it as like the inside of a lady turned outwards?

Don't you think it's?

James's lack of experience in said region really is showing.

A, not seen many, if any.

B, don't have one.

Any of any events?

I love it that you don't know if you have.

It could have been one,

but it was dark and it was very loud.

It was Glastonbury in 2004.

Show you guys.

It's very unusual.

Much to Belinda's surprise, the Duchess murmured, waste, not, want, not, and probably licked the gin off Belinda's tits, stomach, and clitoris.

Genuinely, no words.

Waste, not, want, not.

Oh, God.

Belinda thought, result,

but said nothing.

No, of course not.

And let the Duchess enjoy her slurping.

Slurping?

It's not a slush puppy.

Hoping this was setting the tone for the rest of the evening.

Oh, she's happy now.

God, she's so

fickle.

Fickle Belinda, fickle.

She'll be called Fickle Belinda blinked.

It was obvious the Duchess was enjoying this relationship, as she cupped her free hand around Belinda's left breast whilst carelessly slopping the drink into her mouth.

Nothing says sexy like slop.

Yeah, seriously.

Had enough, servant, said the Duchess, as we have to move on, or Sir James will be joining our little party.

The Duchess efficiently closed the tail door of the horse trailer to the charger of the quickly assembled party of stable lads.

What does charging mean?

I literally don't even know what charging means.

It kind of means disappointment, right?

It's kind of like...

Oh, so the stable boys were like looking from afar, like, oh,

they kind of wanted a piece of the actual.

I think that's what charging means, right?

Yeah, it's one of those words I've always read rather than used.

Props to Rocky for using the word.

Big props.

Word of the day from Rocky?

Charger.

The Duchess efficiently closed the tail door of the horse trailer to the charging of the quickly assembled party of stable lads, leaving Belinda reclining on the sofa and helping herself to another gin and tonic in comfort.

It was just as well she could stretch out because the Duchess was not a competent driver.

Oh lord.

Oh no, she hasn't done any gin and tonic, has she?

She's not drinking and driving.

Is this well no, she did schlurp it off Belinda's body.

Well then she's a bit worse aware.

She's wasted.

She's her vagina gin.

Virginia.

Vagina, if you will.

Virgin and tonic.

Virginia and tonic.

Oh god, it all comes together in the end.

Gross.

She was not a competent driver of the large four-wheel drive vehicle plus trailer.

I mean, who is?

It's a hard thing to tackle.

A lot of kit.

Belinda lost count of the cut corners and sudden halts as they drove through the country lanes to an exclusive motel which had some private chalets in the grounds.

Nice, swanky.

At least she's being treated well.

Really?

Motel?

Chalets, though.

Motel is like the cheapest that you can get, isn't it?

You're being so glass half empty.

Belinda wickedly hoped the Duchess was better at fucking than driving.

Me too, Jesus.

And had a companion who could do both.

Oh.

And that's the end of chapter.

Hey, everybody.

What a marathon.

That was a long one.

What a roller coaster.

Yeah.

A lot was learned then, I think.

A lot happened, yeah.

A lot of plots, which is unusual for Rocky Porn.

Characters as well.

Yeah, plot is something we've not seen.

Characters, plot.

Hello, is this Rocky Flintstone?

If you've been enjoying My Dad Rotoporno this week, make sure you get in touch at Dad Rotoporno on Twitter.

Find us on Facebook as well, My Dad Rotoporno.

And by the original text, Belinda blinked the book.

My dad needs the cash.

Rocky Flintstone is trying to build a conservatory.

Please help him out.

And all extra proceeds go to the asses and donkeys.

Thanks for listening.

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