S1E11 - 'The Night Receptionist' REMASTERED

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Speaker 5 Hi folks, it's Mark Bittman from the podcast Food with Mark Bittman.

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Speaker 14 The following podcast contains adult themes, sexual content, and strong language. Basically, all the good stuff.

Speaker 14 Jamie, why are we here?

Speaker 2 We're here because my dad's written a porno. Your dad's written a porno.
Erotic literature. Well, why?

Speaker 14 Previously, on my dad wrote a porno.

Speaker 2 Belinda was completely naked and Peter was completely dressed. We must look completely stupid, Peter explained.

Speaker 2 He grabbed her cervix.

Speaker 2 We just had good old-fashioned sex.

Speaker 2 It's what we both wanted. And when you get what you want, you feel great.
Simple ass. Oh, my God.
This is Belinda's mantra.

Speaker 2 Hello, and welcome to yet another installment of My Dad Rotoporno. I'm here with Alice.
Hello. Hello.
And James. Hi.
How are you both doing? Good.

Speaker 2 Thank God we're here because if we weren't here, you'd just be in a room on your own reading your dad's fantasies.

Speaker 2 And there's nothing nothing wrong with that james whatever passes an evening indeed so last week we had belinda and peter getting down and dirty in a hotel room for once thank god and once again let's lest we forget it was the second time that day they'd had a little sess they're obsessed with each other so we're on the third to last chapter i honestly can't believe that third to last is such a thing rocky would say

Speaker 14 We're on the third to penultimate chapter.

Speaker 2 Doesn't make it any less mournful, though, does it?

Speaker 2 Because it is all about to be over, which I'm quite weirdly upset about, despite it being my dad's porn, so I should be grateful that it's about to be over, but I'm not.

Speaker 14 Well, that's exactly why we couldn't just limit ourselves to one podcast a week.

Speaker 14 So I don't know if you've noticed, we've introduced the footnotes, which come midweek, so that porno day doesn't seem so far away.

Speaker 14 And that's just bits that we couldn't fit into the show, stuff that we think that you would like to know.

Speaker 2 Yeah, a little bit more about Rocky, about his mind, his process.

Speaker 2 People want more porn. People just cannot get enough.
So let's give it to them. Let's give the public what they want.

Speaker 14 And I want to be that provider. I don't know about you, too, but that's what I want my heritage to be.

Speaker 2 Yeah, epitaph. You know, when you look how your life's going to turn out, this is not what I saw for myself reading.
This is what I saw for you. That's weird.
Yeah.

Speaker 2 I mean, it's certainly not what I saw for myself.

Speaker 2 So, what is chapter 12 called? Chapter 12 is called The Night Receptionist. The Youngish Man.
The Youngish Man is about to make a reappearance. Let's crack on.
Shall we? Oh, my goodness.

Speaker 2 Okay, so Belinda Blinked, Chapter 12, The Night Receptionist.

Speaker 2 Belinda put on her riding jacket, jodpers, and leather boots, sat down in the corner chair, and slowly sipped the rest of her unfinished brandy.

Speaker 2 Sure enough, five minutes later, there was a knock on the door. Who's this? What time is it? It's like two in the morning.
Room service, madam. Come in, please.
Did she order room service?

Speaker 14 No.

Speaker 14 I think it's one of those.

Speaker 2 Oh.

Speaker 14 It's like when people go, police, and then they've got a ghetto blaster and they're wearing like leather chaps and they're like, yeah, yeah.

Speaker 2 Talking about a personal experience there.

Speaker 14 I heard a friend say once.

Speaker 2 Come in, please. The youngish man on reception entered the room with a trolley on which sat the ice bucket with a full bottle of chili and chardonnay.

Speaker 2 Her favourite. Third bottle of the night, I think.
Yeah. Has she ordered this? I'm a little bit, I can't quite remember.
No, I don't think so. We'll find out.
I love that the youngish man.

Speaker 2 We probably won't find out, Alice. It's a very important plot point.
We'll think about it forever. I love that the youngish man still hasn't got a name.
Do you think we'll ever know his name?

Speaker 14 And also, it just said the youngish man on reception. Well, he can't be the youngest man on reception when he's not on reception.

Speaker 2 Then he's just the youngish man.

Speaker 2 The youngish man on reception

Speaker 2 to give him his full title. The youngish man on reception entered the room with a trolley on which sat the ice bucket filled with a bottle of chilli and chardonnay.

Speaker 2 Beside it sat two rounds of what looked like turkey sandwiches.

Speaker 2 How festive. So specific about the meat as well.

Speaker 14 Why wasn't it chicken? It's so specific that it's turkey.

Speaker 2 My dad loves turkey. It's like his favourite meat.

Speaker 2 It's not a traditional middle-of-the-night snack though, is it? A turkey sandwich.

Speaker 14 Unless it's December the 26th, I can't think of another time I've ever raided in the fridge for that.

Speaker 2 Beside it sat two rounds of what looked like turkey sandwiches, one of Belinda's many favourite late-night snacks. Oh, there you go, you see.
You haven't lived. Like Belinda, like Rocky.

Speaker 2 My sincere apologies for the lateness of the hour, but the ice machine started to play up, madam. Yes, she did order it.
And do you remember he said, I'll do it. I'll

Speaker 2 get more ice. I'll finish the ice, yeah.
Yeah, yeah. How long ago was that? Probably about five hours ago.

Speaker 2 Efficiency. Someone's not getting a tip.
Oh, I think he's about to get a huge tip. Let's not beat around the bush.
They're definitely going to have sex, right?

Speaker 2 I mean, he'll be beating around the bush. Oh,

Speaker 2 lovely. Alice looked at me as if a little part of her inside just died.
I look at you that way every week. This is true.
I like to think that you're not looking at me so much as Rocky Through Me.

Speaker 14 100%. Think of me as every person listening to this.

Speaker 2 My sincere apologies for the lateness of the hour, but the ice machine started to play up, madam. I'm sure it did, young man.
Don't apologise. Your timing is appropriate.

Speaker 2 Oh, God. And I hope it's not the first time tonight it will be so.

Speaker 2 Is she going to go to bed?

Speaker 14 Does she mean, like, as in, don't be too quick?

Speaker 2 Yeah, I think that's like his.

Speaker 14 Well, to be fair, Peter Rouse, she's clearly getting the disclaimer in early.

Speaker 2 It took about 30 seconds for the receptionist to understand Belinda's remark, and he burst into a wide grin. Another lull from Belinda there.
Is that hilarious? I don't get any of her jokes.

Speaker 2 I understand, madam. Thank you.
With that, he shut the door, walked over to Belinda. and kissed her on the lips.
Oh my. The lips? That's quite sensual.

Speaker 14 That comment that she made, if you hadn't have known that she'd been like shagging Peter all night, was quite cryptic.

Speaker 14 So for him to like burst into a smile, as is the phrase, he's reading a lot into that. That's quite a forward move to just go in and kiss her.
Yeah. I quite like that.
From such a youngish man.

Speaker 2 Can we do a quick tally? I'd really be interested to know how many people Belinda has slept with today. Ooh, good.
Today or throughout the book? No, today. Today.
Okay. Just today.

Speaker 2 Okay, well, it all started. Alphonse was the first one, I think.
Yeah. In the main.
That's true. Alice,

Speaker 2 you have raised your hand.

Speaker 14 Oh, no, I'm tallying.

Speaker 2 That's my one. Oh, okay.

Speaker 2 So, Alphonse, then it was Mr. Jim Sterling, the vole, who can forget him.
Never be forgotten. And then it was Peter.

Speaker 14 Rouse, if you will.

Speaker 2 Peter, yeah. Correct.

Speaker 2 Then it was the Duchess.

Speaker 14 Nice. Oh, the Duchess, yeah.

Speaker 2 And then it was Peter again.

Speaker 14 Okay, so.

Speaker 2 And again.

Speaker 2 And again, yeah.

Speaker 14 Sorry, again, orgasmine because it was so exciting.

Speaker 2 So four.

Speaker 2 Do you know what? We've been tiring her with a brush unfortunate.

Speaker 2 Oh, yeah.

Speaker 14 I'm not saying across a lifetime that that's promiscuous, but in a night.

Speaker 2 And now she's about to hit five. Well, we don't know that.

Speaker 14 I've been talking about a hundred times with a Dutchess.

Speaker 2 So four.

Speaker 14 Four actual human beings.

Speaker 2 And to be fair, it seems like Peter Round is becoming like a life mate. So it's almost monogamy with him.
Apart from his pesky wife. Oh, true.
Pesky wife.

Speaker 14 How dare she marry him 15 years ago and not anticipate that he'd shag Belinda in some kind of inn.

Speaker 14 So the receptionist boy would be number five or is about to be number five, we think.

Speaker 2 I think so. And can you please refer to him by his proper title, The Youngish Man from Reception? My apologies.

Speaker 2 Belinda took his head in her left hand and returned the kiss with similar vigour.

Speaker 14 Took the head. It's almost like the...

Speaker 14 Like the head on its side.

Speaker 14 Took the head off the shoulders.

Speaker 2 With vigour. Similar vigour.

Speaker 14 Similar vigour. Similar vigour.

Speaker 2 Comparable vigour. Slam your buddy down and similar vigour.

Speaker 14 I might call my firstborn similar vigour.

Speaker 2 Similar vigour.

Speaker 14 Similar vigour Levine.

Speaker 2 Brilliant there. Oh my God, I love it.
He put his hands around her waist and pulled her body into his. She could feel his cock throbbing with excitement as they drew closer.
What?

Speaker 2 How did she feel that?

Speaker 14 Oh, because their bodies are so close to each other.

Speaker 2 Like a a heart pounding. Yeah.

Speaker 14 Could in the groinal area. Gross.
Throbbing with excitement though, you're right. It sounds like it's like wriggling around, you know, like if you trapped a cat in a bag,

Speaker 2 it doesn't sound like it's just going like, ooh, woo. It sounds like it's going like, woohoo!

Speaker 2 Like it's wriggling all over, like, woo! Where's that gone? Like when you put like a a stick behind a towel and you move like imaginary.

Speaker 2 She could feel his cock throbbing with excitement as they drew closer. But she did feel a tad hungry after the two hours with Peter.

Speaker 14 Well, there's turkey sandwiches just sitting there waiting.

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Speaker 5 Hi folks, it's Mark Bittman from the podcast Food with Mark Bittman.

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Speaker 2 Slowly, she let him go and said, It would be a pity to waste such a good wine and these wonderful sandwiches.

Speaker 14 Are you joking?

Speaker 2 That's a mood killer.

Speaker 14 What a gutting rejection.

Speaker 2 Like, I can feel the excitement of your pounding park, but also, is that a club sandwich? Shall we do this? It's like got cranberry sauce in here. Lovely.

Speaker 2 It would be a pity to waste such a good wine and these wonderful sandwiches. Have you eaten tonight?

Speaker 14 This is such a nana response. Like, literally, like, oh, we better take those home, package that up, we'll have that as a picnic.

Speaker 2 There's a loveless bread.

Speaker 2 The buffet. What a wonderful, wonderful selection.
There was cheese, there were sandwiches, turkey, touch of trifle. It was lovely.
Is that an impression of your grandma?

Speaker 2 That is what my nana said all the time, yes. Hi, Nana.
Can we use a pen name for my grandma, please?

Speaker 14 Is there a Flintstone grandma?

Speaker 2 Let me just Google one sec. Actually, isn't there

Speaker 2 an Elizabeth Taylor player in the movie? Yeah, who hates Fred. Oh, yeah.

Speaker 2 What the fuck? Matt Wilmer. What's her name?

Speaker 2 I couldn't have hoped for better. Okay.
Oh God.

Speaker 2 Nana, I apologise in advance. Okay.

Speaker 2 Pearl Pebbles Slag Hoople.

Speaker 2 Who's that?

Speaker 14 That is the mother of Wilmer and mother-in-law of Fred.

Speaker 2 For real. For real.
Sorry, say that again. So Pearl Pebbles Slag Hoopal.

Speaker 2 Slag Hoopal. That sounds like some of a bull in the blink.

Speaker 14 It's unknown if Slag Hoople is Pearl's name from a second marriage.

Speaker 2 Is this on the Flintstones wiki?

Speaker 14 This is, yeah.

Speaker 2 So, um, that is amazing. So, Pearl Pearl.
Pearl Pebble Slag Hoople. Pearl loves a good buffet.

Speaker 14 And does she love a good turkey sandwich? Oh, she loves it. I like it when we discover maybe where the sources of things come from.

Speaker 2 It would be a pity to waste such a good wine and these wonderful sandwiches. Have you eaten tonight? In actual fact, I haven't, he replied.
I tend to satisfy my sexual appetite first and then eat.

Speaker 2 What a work? Subtle. What a lad.
At work. Has he just been masturbating himself in the back room? Well, in that case, I think we'll break the rules just a little, here and now.

Speaker 14 What as in eat first, shag later? Yeah. Isn't it the same as going for a swim? Aren't you supposed to leave two hours?

Speaker 2 What? So I'm going to vomit once they start

Speaker 2 too vigorous. It is thrusting.

Speaker 14 I'm pretty sure you should leave a window, but... I think she always throws caution to the wind.

Speaker 2 But it's so unlike Belinda to be putting off sex. I know.
Maybe she doesn't like him.

Speaker 14 What, and she hopes that they'll just eat and go into a bit of a food coma.

Speaker 2 Yeah, and she's like, oh, do you know what? Let's have sex in the morning. Be like, oh, but I'm off work in the morning.
She's like, oh, sorry.

Speaker 2 She gleefully shagged Jim Sterling. I don't think she cares what they're like.
Gleefully. Belinda reached over and took a sandwich.

Speaker 2 At the same time, she unbuttoned the only single button of her riding jacket. Multitasking again.
Brilliant. And double use of buttons.

Speaker 2 Her breasts once again fell out.

Speaker 2 Fell out.

Speaker 2 And stayed on the show while she finished a sandwich.

Speaker 2 I imagine her licking her fingers.

Speaker 2 Where would they go?

Speaker 2 The youngish man took one as well and poured them both a glass of wine. That's nice.

Speaker 14 Gentlemanly for such a young chap.

Speaker 2 He sat on the edge of the bed and announced, you can't beat the high life.

Speaker 2 Doesn't get better than this. Glass ceiling.
Oh, geez. A glass of wine and a three-day-old turkey sandwich in the shittiest hotel in England.

Speaker 14 Dream big.

Speaker 2 You can't beat the high life. Belinda laughed and toasted him with her half-empty glass.

Speaker 14 He's just poured them a glass.

Speaker 2 She's necking it. All right, fair dos.
One sandwich was enough for Belinda, and she removed the riding jacket.

Speaker 2 She watched the instantaneous response in the youngish man's trousers. Oh god, here we go again.

Speaker 2 Squirrel in a haystack or whatever it was. Squirrel in a haystack.

Speaker 2 That's as bad as in and out as like a doorman's. Where are all these rodents coming from?

Speaker 2 I blame Jim Sterling. Oh, quiet.
It started with the rod.

Speaker 14 It did start then, and it's just been a deluge.

Speaker 2 She watched the instantaneous response in the youngish man's trousers and asked him to remove them.

Speaker 14 He obliged. Could you remove those, please? Because I have to see an instantaneous reaction in your pants.

Speaker 2 There's something crawling around in there.

Speaker 2 We need to see what it is.

Speaker 14 I don't want to alarm you, but I think there might be some ants in your pants.

Speaker 2 Oh, God, I hope it isn't ants.

Speaker 14 You cannot get rid of ants once you've got them. Honestly.

Speaker 2 Or even

Speaker 14 No, groin, probably.

Speaker 2 Just kitchen, but do you know what?

Speaker 14 I wouldn't be surprised if they're there as well.

Speaker 2 Oh, Christ. No, I mean, I hope it isn't ants, as in a small willy, again.
Because Blinda can't handle that.

Speaker 14 That's not code for a small willy.

Speaker 2 Ants.

Speaker 14 Ant. What? Do people go.

Speaker 14 He's got ants.

Speaker 2 Never heard that.

Speaker 14 He's got ants. He's got an ants.
Do you know Mark? He's got ants.

Speaker 2 He's got an ant. He's got what? You know, like a tiny penis.
He's got ants. It's like what you thought ants in the pantsman.

Speaker 2 A teeny willy.

Speaker 14 A gathering of tiny penises.

Speaker 2 It's just that.

Speaker 2 Because this book just makes you think of inappropriate innuendo, doesn't it? That's true. We'll give you that.
He obliged, but also took off his shirt, pants, shoes, and socks.

Speaker 2 Well, he might as well. If he's going to take off his trousers, he might as well get rid of everything.
Now standing naked before her, she called him over.

Speaker 2 Belinda took his erect penis and gently rubbed the cold Chardonnay onto it. Oh, why? She's obsessed with using alcohol as some sort of lubricant, isn't she?

Speaker 14 James is going to worry about it stinging any minute.

Speaker 2 No, it's five on the penis. Oh, is it? Okay, fine.
In fairness to the youngish man, he didn't flinch. And Belinda put his cock between her breasts.

Speaker 2 What? Weren't they both stood up?

Speaker 14 Is he stood on the bed?

Speaker 2 How low are her breasts?

Speaker 14 How tall is the youngish man?

Speaker 2 How tall is the youngest man? How low are her breasts? Aren't they sat though? No, he was stood naked before her.

Speaker 2 Yeah, so maybe she's just sat down so that her breasts would be at the right height for his penis. Oh, that's true.

Speaker 14 Maybe she's gone in that chair that she was sat in before.

Speaker 2 Right. Oh, my darling.
Did you take him Rocky's side, Jane?

Speaker 2 Well, someone has to. He is my dad, guys.
Come on.

Speaker 14 I don't think he takes Rocky's side.

Speaker 2 I feel like he takes Belinda's side.

Speaker 2 I'm longing for the day that me and Belinda can be really happy together.

Speaker 2 Wow. In fairness to the youngish man, he didn't flinch, and Belinda put his cock between her breasts.

Speaker 2 Using her two hands, she squeezed both breasts together tightly and started to masturbate his penis. Oh.

Speaker 14 For goodness sake, Rocky.

Speaker 2 To be fair, we haven't had a titty wank yet, so it's only been a matter of time. I don't like how you said that.

Speaker 2 Using her two hands to...

Speaker 14 Wait a sec, did she do it with similar vigour?

Speaker 2 It doesn't specify.

Speaker 2 But I'm sure she did. She squeezed both breasts together tightly.

Speaker 14 I like that what he's done is he thinks he's invented. a titty wank.

Speaker 14 So he's gone, what she did is press the breast together, sandwiching the phallus between, and then moved up and down, masturbating the man. It's like, yep, that's fine.

Speaker 2 Just say, gave him a titty wank. Well, don't.
Can we all stop saying titty wank, please?

Speaker 14 I swear it's tit wank as well.

Speaker 2 Yeah, it's not titty wank. You made it titty.
Is this week my week to have really inappropriate things to say?

Speaker 14 Usually it's James.

Speaker 2 I know. Titty wank.
Titty wank. Or tit wank, whatever.
Titty wank, tit wank. Oh, just stop saying it.

Speaker 14 Do you think tit wanks just one tit and titties both? I'm surprised he didn't say tit wank. He loves saying tit.

Speaker 2 He does. It's true.
I think you love saying it. Yeah, Al, you love the word tit.
Oh my god, I love it. I wouldn't deny it.

Speaker 2 Blue tit? There's a tit.

Speaker 14 Titular.

Speaker 14 Titillation.

Speaker 2 It only took half a minute for him to start groaning. His hands fondled her long black hair, bringing it up to the top of her head and letting it fall time after time.
What's this going?

Speaker 2 Whoop down, whoop, down.

Speaker 14 I really thought he was going to do a hairdo then, like a maniac. I got really excited.

Speaker 2 Is it bad that I just want to know what his name is? I'm not sure it's going to happen now. I don't understand why Rocky's withholding it.
I mean, to be fair, actually, he might.

Speaker 2 He could have just run out of names.

Speaker 14 She might ask, actually.

Speaker 2 Or he might just wait until the very last moment of the chapter and then get him to introduce himself as he leaves. Of course.
That is what he normally does.

Speaker 14 Sorry.

Speaker 2 He'll be like, okay, so bye, Belinda, said Jack. Or, hi, Belinda, I'm Jack.

Speaker 14 Bye, as usually happens post-sex with Belinda.

Speaker 2 It only took half a minute of him to start groaning. His hands fondled her long black hair, bringing it up to the top of her head and letting it fall time after time.

Speaker 2 However, to Belinda's surprise, he didn't ejaculate, and she guessed she'd have to work a bit harder to get the results. It's only been 30 seconds.
Give the guy a chance.

Speaker 2 I'm gonna have to work harder.

Speaker 2 Put some elbow groups into it, Belinda. Glad I had that turkeys, aren't we?

Speaker 2 For listeners, James actually did the tit wank mime there, which is really unnecessary.

Speaker 2 And really bounced on his chair.

Speaker 2 Stop doing it, Bianca.

Speaker 2 Awfully springy, James, one of it? Oh my god. Why did I do that? How many titty wanks have you given in your time?

Speaker 2 However, to Belinda's surprise, he didn't ejaculate, and she guessed she'd have to work a bit harder to get that result. Would you mind removing my riding boots?

Speaker 2 It enables me to pull down my jobpers, you see. She keeps asking people to take her boots off.
Why can't she take her boots off?

Speaker 14 Well, they're not her boots, are they? So maybe she just wasn't really prepared. Maybe they're a bit tight and she hasn't bought a shoehorn.

Speaker 2 I don't know. Lazy.
He nodded understanding immediately and helped Paul off.

Speaker 14 Why wouldn't you understand?

Speaker 2 Very clear.

Speaker 2 Not the sharpest tool in the box, the youngish man. Yes, Miss Belinda.

Speaker 2 Do you think he's Manuel? Yeah,

Speaker 2 it's like Spanish, if English isn't his first language. He nodded understanding immediately and helped pull them off Belinda's legs and feet.

Speaker 2 By now, Belinda had lost count of the time she had pulled on or pulled off these riding boots in the past ten hours, but she thought they were getting more supple each time. Who cares? What the boots?

Speaker 2 Boring. Perhaps like her own body, she mused.
She did not muse that. She did.

Speaker 14 But it's getting more supple. Yes.

Speaker 14 Like stretched and soft.

Speaker 2 It's getting drier and more ragged.

Speaker 14 More like leather.

Speaker 2 Things are going in and out far too frequently. Oh, that's what you mean.

Speaker 2 These cocks are really loosening up her vagina, I tell you.

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Speaker 2 Ravish me, she commanded the young man. Sorry, took me by surprise.

Speaker 2 Said the turkey sandwich.

Speaker 2 Oh my.

Speaker 2 Ravish me, she commanded the youngish man, and he immediately removed her jodpas. Is that how to ravish someone? What does ravish mean in his book? Undress, clearly.

Speaker 2 Now naked, he followed the black line of pubic hair.

Speaker 14 Would people stop following that black line?

Speaker 14 It's going to end in disaster.

Speaker 2 It's not the yellow brick road. Certainly not.
It doesn't lead anywhere. Nowhere in good does that pubic line lead.
Now naked, he followed the black line of pubic hair to Belinda's vaginal region.

Speaker 2 It's been in and out of so much and grown so large, it's now described as a region. Yeah.
It's got its own postcode.

Speaker 14 It's a continent. Yeah, only with...

Speaker 2 I feel like two days ago it was an area. It's like a nature reserve.
Now it's a shire.

Speaker 14 Is it like when they make an area a conservation area? Like it starts to include more homes.

Speaker 2 It's listed. You can't build in it without permission.

Speaker 14 Absolutely. If you wanted to put PVC windows on that, you'd really have to check.

Speaker 2 He got down on his knees, pushed her legs apart, and gently started probing her clitoris with his tongue. Probing.
Probing. Like a Mars shuttle or something.

Speaker 2 Exploration.

Speaker 14 Thankfully gently.

Speaker 2 Very gently. Very gently.
Ever so sultry. The youngish man.

Speaker 14 Too gently is a bit grim, though, isn't it?

Speaker 2 Belinda once again that evening groaned softly at the foreign invasion of her pubic area. Wow.
Oh god, the Nature Reserve's just been invaded.

Speaker 14 Oh my God. By JCBs.

Speaker 2 Summon the troops.

Speaker 2 Alert the cervix.

Speaker 2 There's a foreign invasion.

Speaker 14 What a weird metaphor to use for that scenario.

Speaker 2 Foreign invasion. It's like a game of risk.

Speaker 14 It's like, you know, when the foreign office put out a warning of like areas not to go to.

Speaker 2 I feel like this area should be on there. It's certainly a dangerous area.

Speaker 14 Not good for tourists.

Speaker 2 Belinda, once again, that evening groaned softly at the foreign invasion of her pubic area. But this time it was different, she thought.
This unexpected pleasure was for her

Speaker 2 and her only.

Speaker 14 When was the other pleasure not for her and her only?

Speaker 2 Well, I guess he's like, he's not really doing anything. He can't buy any pots or pans, essentially.
Of course.

Speaker 2 All the other ones were kind of like business transactions, weren't they? Ah, he's just there because he likes her. Yeah.

Speaker 14 And fancied a breaking a turkey sandwich, but still, all the pleasures for her.

Speaker 2 A perfect way to end a busy working day. She's finally going to bed.

Speaker 14 This is, we're going to

Speaker 14 literally close the chapter on this

Speaker 14 activity.

Speaker 2 Also, quite the working day. I mean, geez.

Speaker 14 Yeah, she's not even said the busiest working day of her life.

Speaker 2 That's just quite a busy day. This is up there.
It's not number one, but it's up there. It's a perfect way to end a busy working day.

Speaker 2 No business deals, no reputations to be lost or offended.

Speaker 2 Just a plain, simple, fucking session.

Speaker 14 That's nice, isn't it?

Speaker 2 A happy ending.

Speaker 14 Sleep tight, everyone.

Speaker 2 And that is the end of chapter 12.

Speaker 2 That's nice. I feel

Speaker 2 good after that. It was nice.
Excuse me. Why don't we just have a huge house? Of all the words.
Nice. I just mean like...
Do you want to take the book home, James? It just ended like this.

Speaker 2 You take the Irishman home.

Speaker 14 The way he probes.

Speaker 2 Is that a foreign invasion?

Speaker 2 No, I just mean, you know,

Speaker 2 it sounds like she's going to go to sleep after that. And it has ended.
She'll have some rest, which is important because God knows what she's got tomorrow.

Speaker 14 Actually, what does she have tomorrow? What's the next chapter?

Speaker 2 What is the next chapter? It's a very good question.

Speaker 2 The next chapter. Oh, oh.
What? Uh-oh.

Speaker 2 Now, this chapter heading alludes to the fact that this book has a plot, which obviously it doesn't, but it's called The Duchess Comes Clean.

Speaker 2 What?

Speaker 2 Oh my God. Comes clean.

Speaker 2 No, come C-O-M-E-S. Okay for you.

Speaker 14 Comes clean, she is a man, because

Speaker 2 we thought that that was all a ruse. Oh yeah, because she was well endowed.
Well endowed. Well hung or something.
No, well endowed.

Speaker 2 She was well hung.

Speaker 14 He says breast hang all the time, so I wouldn't be surprised if he said well hung.

Speaker 2 Right, so the Duchess comes clean. Well, a lot of people online have been saying that they want a return of the Duchess.
So I think this is going to go down well. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

Speaker 2 I wonder what she's going to come cleaning about. I can't think.

Speaker 14 What she was doing for that half an hour while Belinda was in the horse box?

Speaker 2 Intriguing. It is intriguing.
So you'll have to come back next week, guys, to find out what happened.

Speaker 14 I'm genuinely really

Speaker 14 just confused. I really don't know where this is going to go now.
No.

Speaker 2 Well, I feel like there's suddenly an injection of plot, or at least purpose, in the writing. Obviously, we're getting getting near the end.

Speaker 2 Do you think Rocky's going to finish his book on a cliffhanger?

Speaker 2 Oh, I didn't think he was capable of such things.

Speaker 14 Well, he leaves many sentences on a cliffhanger.

Speaker 2 It's the one at the book.

Speaker 2 That's the only way he knows. That'd be great if the end of book won.
It was like, oh my God, what is going to happen next? That'd be amazing. A game changer.

Speaker 14 Is that like when people do trilogies for films and you kind of always feel like they've not wrapped stuff up because you're going to come back for the next installment?

Speaker 2 Right, right, right.

Speaker 14 Because we don't know where this is going to go, we don't know where the stories, don't call it story, is going to end up,

Speaker 14 we thought we'd love to learn more because I'm going to be bereft when this is over. No.

Speaker 14 So what we thought we'd do as a kind of treat for us, but a treat for all of you guys as well, is Christmas Day, have a very, very special edition of My Director Porno.

Speaker 14 We want your questions for Rocky.

Speaker 2 I feel like like looking online, people have a lot of things they want to ask him. I certainly need answers.

Speaker 2 So, yeah, we're going to put some of the probing questions of this series to him in a special edition.

Speaker 14 So, anything that you want to ask about the book, about Rocky, about the characters, maybe about book two, maybe about his other writing projects, anything basically.

Speaker 2 Why the hell he wanted to write this in the first place?

Speaker 14 I think it's a very good question and one to start with.

Speaker 2 Certainly or not, I want to know the answer to.

Speaker 14 Will he stop? I think is another good question.

Speaker 14 So, yeah, all you need to do is send your questions either to our Twitter at Dad Rotoporno.

Speaker 14 You can send them to our special email address.

Speaker 2 Oh, mydadrotaporno at gmail.com. No expense spared.

Speaker 14 Notice I don't know any of these addresses, so I just lead into James.

Speaker 2 Or on Facebook. Which is just my dadwrotoporno.
Just search that. Nice and simple.

Speaker 14 Really simple. Or just ring Rocky Direct.
0798 Jokin.

Speaker 2 How great would that be, though? 69, 69, 69, 69. The shape of a naked lady.

Speaker 2 Or you could record an Insta video.

Speaker 2 GeoQuest.

Speaker 2 How modern of you. Thank you very much.

Speaker 14 You're such a modern man.

Speaker 2 Oh, that is a great idea. Yeah, it'd be nice to get some audio questions.
Yeah, just like record yourselves, asking a question, then tag us into it on Instagram, which is at my dad wrote a.

Speaker 2 There's no porno.

Speaker 14 It ends like one of Rocky's sentences midway through.

Speaker 14 So it's been a pleasure for Belinda.

Speaker 2 A pleasure just for her and her alone. And thanks for listening, everybody.
See you next week. Turkey sandwiches, guys.
Yeah. Absolutely.
Chilling John, nay. I want that buffet.

Speaker 2 Wait, wait, wait, guys. Sorry, if any of you are still listening,

Speaker 2 there's been a lot of talk recently.

Speaker 2 I made a mistake, hands up, and I should admit to it.

Speaker 2 I was foolish enough to suggest that Rocky was wrong. And in fact, it was me who was wrong.
I said that the last chapter, which was titled Sunday night, 11.55pm, was factually incorrect.

Speaker 2 And I thought it was actually Saturday night. It was Sunday night.
I feel a fool. And I can only apologize to all the listeners and to Rocky.

Speaker 2 I know this is at the end of the podcast, so like the sun, I have kind of buried this on page 54, but technically this is an apology, so you can't see me, okay?

Speaker 5 Hi, folks, it's Mark Bittman from the podcast Food with Mark Bittman.

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