S1E5 - 'The Second Client Jim Stirling' REMASTERED

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The following podcast contains adult themes, sexual content, and strong language.

Basically, all the good stuff.

Jamie, why are we here?

We're here because my dad's written a porno.

Your dad's written a porno.

Erotic literature.

Why?

Previously, on my dad, wrote a porno.

Tony pulled it up at the front and studied her pussy.

Like a proper little woo-hoo!

Yeah, little Pikachu.

Pikachu.

keep your chin up and let your tits and clip do the talking

two body parts not known for their dictionary patience

addiction

alphonse immediately got to work by removing his one garment of a black thong

sorry he entered the maze wearing only a black thong, and we're only just hearing about it.

Hello, everybody.

Welcome back to My Dad Wrote a Porno.

We are on episode 5, chapter 6, because we had a little double bill last week.

Very exciting.

Basically, if you're new to the podcast, my dad has, unfortunately for me, written a porno, or at least erotica.

It's a novel.

He's self-published, obviously.

Who the hell would publish it?

And I'm going to be reading a chapter, and if you're lucky, two chapters a week with my dear, dear friends.

We're not friends.

Esteemed colleagues.

My apologies.

James Cooper and Alice Levine.

Hello.

Hi.

Hello.

How are you both doing?

Are you excited?

I can't believe we're on chapter six.

How the time has flown.

I know.

I'm kind of sad for when it ends.

Oh, don't think that's a good thing.

That's a long time away.

I'm getting ahead of myself.

Believe me, I'm flicking through the book as we speak.

It's a very long time away.

It's a substantial pamphlet, isn't it?

It really is, yeah.

I'm a little bit tired today, so I'm looking forward to a bit of a sex injection to uh oh my god please never use those two words together again so when does that happen after we've read the book what my sex injection yeah is that a completely separate from belinda blink uh the sex injection is turning up in an hour so if we could get the book who'll be administering said injection hopefully alphonse oh alphonse from last chapter oh we loved him and his black thong didn't we i know i know are we gonna see him again i hope so i hope so i mean who knows sometimes with rocky though he will introduce a character and the next minute they'll be gone that's just his style you get attached to des martin and then the next chapter, no Dez.

Never heard of him again.

It's starting to ruin my daily life, though, this book, because...

Whoo, pray tell.

Well, there's someone at work called Belinda.

Oh, my God.

Stop it.

So, you know, you're emailing Belinda and all you can think about is Belinda and

Runnels, yeah.

Her blinking her lids.

It would be fine if all you could think about was the blinking.

It's everything else.

It's pomegranates up on your brain.

Do you have a Des Martin where you are or anything?

I don't have a Des because, as we've established, nobody is called Des.

Oh, the late great Des Lynum.

Oh, no, they're still with us.

His career is Des.

He is.

Do you work in a pots and pans company?

Wait is that?

What's going on here?

So, remind me, what is the name of chapter six?

Chapter six is called The Second Client, Jim Sterling.

I'm excited for this.

It's a strong name, isn't it?

It's strong.

It's a strong name.

Powerful.

Masculine.

Musty.

Like, I feel like.

I feel like he'll have a...

He'll be a kind of guy who wears.

He's a little fussed about him.

Yeah, he'll wear aftershave.

Oh, musky, yeah.

Not musty.

What does musty mean?

That's like what Yanana's attic smells like.

Oh, right.

So I'm glad I said attic.

Hopefully, he'll be wearing more than a black thong.

Yes.

And which country do we think he's going to reside from?

Oh, because Alphonse was Belgian.

He was Belgian.

So who do you think?

Jim Sterling?

That sounds quite

Anglo.

Anglo.

Because we know how Rocky likes to pick very stereotypical names for countries like Patrick O'Hanlon.

Fantastic, Patrick O'Hanlon.

But Jim is mentioned in the blurb, right?

So I feel like he's going to be a major character.

Oh, do you think this is going to be key?

Okay, good.

Because I can't deal with another chapter that's a non-chapter.

Not naming names.

Chapter three.

Chapter three is dead to us.

Chapter three didn't happen in my mind.

I thought we'd agreed we weren't going to talk about it, guys.

If you're new to the podcast and haven't yet got to chapter three, don't bother.

Okay, well, are we ready to kind of dive in?

I think no time like the present and all that.

Ready, Alice?

Just about.

I'm never ready.

Because always about a sentence in.

I feel desperately uncomfortable, but I'm as ready as I can be.

Okay.

Belinda blinked.

Chapter 6.

The second client, Jim Sterling.

Can I just clarify if there's colon, semicolon in this one?

Do you know what?

There is no semicolon.

It is the second client, full stop.

Jim Sterling, full stop.

Again, an unusual structure for a title, but what the hell, it's Rocky.

I'll let him have it.

A few minutes after alphonse had gone belinda heard her second visitor stomping through the maze stomping this guy sounds a bit overweight if you ask me or do you think he's heavy-footed for a reason he appeared a few seconds later again dressed only in a black thong why it's just a uniform are they giving

james you are reading rocky's mind what are they getting giving them at the gate it was becoming a type of uniform oh james you are sewing rocky's hair you really are should i be worried i think i think that's i I thought you were spawn of Rocky, but now I think you're spawn of Rocky.

So Tony's at the gate.

They're like entrance of the maze going.

I don't know what you're dragging Tony into this for.

We have no evidence Tony's involved.

Tony's got the whistle and he's gone off.

We don't know.

You decided that Tony had the whistle.

We don't know that Tony has the whistle.

Tony's totally the puppet master.

I mean, who else is blowing the whistle?

Well, who knows?

Maybe we'll find out.

Hmm.

I still think it's Tony.

Okay.

Okay.

It was becoming a type of uniform, she thought.

From the guest list info, Belinda recognised Jim Sterling, a Yankee from the USA.

Does anyone say Yankee?

I don't know.

Do I?

I've heard Yank, but I'm not sure I've heard a Yankee.

Yankee, yeah.

Oh, here comes a Yankee.

I don't think that's okay.

I've heard a Yankee.

I don't know if it's a banana.

Yeah, because it's your dad.

He probably says it all the time at home.

Actually, I have a little question about Rocky.

Yeah.

Is he a well-travelled man?

Yeah, he is, actually.

Very well-travelled.

Has he spent time in Yank?

In

Yankville.

Yankville.

Yes, I believe he has.

Never lived there or anything, but he he has visited on vacation, etc.

I just always wonder what influences he brings into his work, so I'm just intrigued.

Okay.

His operation had 1,257 outlets and was also growing fast in Mexico and Brazil.

Good for Jim.

He's doing better than Alphonse.

I'm going to say that is better than Alphonse.

He was about 300 outlets, wasn't he, Alphonse?

Jim's got three times the amount.

Great maths, James.

Thank you.

Right, Carol Vorderman.

Chill out.

He was a big guy, but short, and upon seeing Belinda's plight, he quickly threw his somewhat stained thong to the ground.

Oh,

quiet days.

Why is it stained?

I don't think they're being doled out of the door anymore.

I think he's stained that himself.

You don't think

he's using Alphonsas, is it?

They're just like passing it on in like a reta sex relay.

Oh, God, gross.

Awful.

Also, can I just say, the most desirable figure is generally large but short.

Yeah.

So he's just like a stocky stocky little toad.

Oh, fuck.

He's a toad of a man.

He's a chod of a man stomping around the place.

That's why he's stomping.

Disgusting.

Very low centre of gravity.

In a dirty thong.

Oh, God.

What's it stained with, do we think?

Do we want to go there?

Let's allow the listeners to speculate.

As little as I know about pornography, what I do know.

You keep saying that, Alice.

We're never going to believe it.

But what I do know is that stains are generally really, really sexy.

It's a fetish all of its own.

Oh, my goodness.

Belinda blinked.

For the first time that day, she was caught unawares.

By what?

I beg to differ.

Not the first time that day.

So far today, she's been attached to a trellis with some red plastic handcuffs.

She's had some bloke from Belgium come wriggle out of his thong and say, why don't you pop over to The Hague?

Then penetrate a vulva.

Oh, yeah, I've forgot that bit.

Guys, hold on to your hair pieces.

No one ever says.

Yeah, is that a life from the book?

For the first time that day, she was caught unawares.

There was nothing there.

What?

Hang on.

Whoa, whoa, whoa, before you reveal what that means.

Smooth like an action man.

No, like a nub, nothing.

But then she saw it.

Yep.

If you don't see it straight away, there's a concern.

Maybe the hair overwhelmed it.

Or maybe it's, you know sometimes they pop back inside by mistake what like an inny willy

i don't know what we're talking about is willy underneath covered in pubic hairs lay a lay

a very small and in belinda terms somewhat pathetic penis

lay why is it lying like it's in a nest like a slug like a little vole so he's not aroused He's not got pubic hair longer than his penis.

Oh my god, he is not only looking like a toad as a human, but he's actually got a choad.

He's It's a toad.

Well, no, it sounds too small to be a toad.

It's just a chipilata.

She literally couldn't see it.

She had to blink to see it.

Oh my god, she cleared her eyes to just double-check where it was.

I did think for a minute, you know, sometimes people have that thing where there's

see it on like embarrassing bodies.

There's like a roll of something that's that obstructs where it should be, like a roll of sort of fluff.

What?

Yeah.

What are you talking about?

You guys don't watch it.

Sorry, where'd you watch this?

You don't watch enough Channel 5 at night.

I don't like what you said, James, about the hair is longer than it is.

What, like a mane of straight hair?

Almost like it's in a little nest.

The sooner we get past this point.

Yeah, let's move on.

I am feeling a bit sick.

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For the first time that day, she was caught unawares.

There was nothing there, but then she saw it.

Underneath, covered in pubic hairs, lay a very small and, in Belinda terms, somewhat pathetic penis.

In Belinda terms.

Need we say more?

Belinda gasped.

I gasped.

I hope it feels good.

I bet Jim's feeling great.

Belinda gasped.

What was she expected to do with this?

I mean, I'm with Belinda.

If I was her, I'd be like, well, thanks for coming.

On your way.

Pop your little stained thong back on and be on your merry way.

How did you manage to stay in it with such a small member?

I don't know.

Why has he got a name like Jim Sterling with such a small member?

So Belinda's already panicking because she's thinking I can work with most things.

Yeah, but not this.

Make do, but not the vole.

Belinda gasped.

What was she expected to do with this?

Hi, my name's Sterling from the US.

Is Jim saying this or is the vole?

Jim.

Should I do an accent?

I have had people say to me I should consider doing accents, but I'm not really an artisan of the accent.

Please do an accent.

Okay.

Hi, my name's Sterling from the US.

Let's get these garments out of the way.

She is already naked.

No, does she have a nice face?

Oh, I think she might have redressed.

Oh, no, she wasn't allowed to bra.

No, no, she.

Oh, yeah.

Tennis wear.

She got a skirt on.

How did she get it on with a handcuffs?

Oh, so many questions.

Should we read on?

Yeah.

With one powerful movement, he ripped Belinda's tennis shirt completely from her body, and seconds later, he had done the same to her skirt.

A powerful movement this time.

Usually it's a rapid movement, so I'm glad that he's mixing it up in this chapter.

He flung them to the ground where they now lay ruined in the mud.

Rather like the vol.

He just lies lies ruined in some hair.

Hope you don't mind, Missy.

As I like some bear.

No, as I like some bear.

As I like some bear.

Like some bear.

I like some M.

I like some bear.

Have you never met Yank?

E.

I like some bear.

I like some bear, I do.

Yeah, a bit more Somerset.

It's a bit more Somerset.

I like some bear.

Jim didn't hang around and immediately took her tits in his massive hands.

Poor bastard.

I mean, he's got a huge everything and a tiny dick.

And his dick in his own hand will look even tinier.

Massive hands.

His large thumbs.

I mean,

dad's just rubbing it in now.

He's got a large everything except his little volume.

Also, who comments on the size of someone's thumb?

Yeah.

Well, when that's all there is to comment on the size of.

Oh, gosh.

Also, now I'm picturing not being able to tell which one's the thumb and which one's the other.

Yeah.

Maybe he'll have more success with the thumbs than the voles.

Maybe Belinda's going to request him to do the foreplay with the penis and then the actual.

Stop it, you to a single rose.

Can I be penetrated by the thumb, please?

Thank you.

There's a sentence about you thought you never say.

Again.

His large thumbs tentatively rubbed her nipple tips.

Excuse me.

Nipple tips.

Nipple tips.

Nipple tips, nipple tips.

You have wonderful nipple tips, can I just say?

Can I rub them with my large thumbs?

My thumbs are rather large, but they'll be wonderful on your nipple tips.

His large thumbs tentatively rubbed her nipple tips,

making them rise and harden.

Rise!

Rise where?

It's like bake off.

Rise and harden.

I never quite gauge how big Belinda's nipples are.

Sometimes they feel quite small.

In this case, they feel like they go for miles.

Retractable.

Her nipple tips.

Nipple tips.

This fast reaction from Belinda seemed to please him.

Probably I'm used to such a fast reaction.

Indeed.

For the record listeners, all I got was

a nod in unison.

I'm still thinking about nipple tips.

This fast reaction from Belinda seemed to please him, and he started to push his cock into vagina.

Whoa,

yeah,

so he's put that little the bowl's going in the hole now.

Oh my god, yeah, the mouse is in the house, the toad's in the hole

with the bowl.

Belinda squatted slightly as Jim was shorter than her.

Oh my goodness.

Okay,

this is definitely the most graphic chapter so far.

Like in terms of just logistics and I mean, that is so accommodating of her, isn't it?

Slightly.

Because he was slightly shorter than she.

Oh,

it's humiliation for Jim.

She had to squat.

Let's do this.

Hoik to skirt up, squat.

I know the skirts on the sky.

They've been all ripped up.

Dad, geez.

Belinda squatted slightly as Jim was shorter than her, pulling her legs apart to allow him easier access.

Oh, sure.

Romance isn't dead, then.

I think the vole would make it in, either which way.

I can't bear it.

I can't bear what your face is telling me.

Jim has just read a line ahead.

Oh my god, don't, because we've just had quite a hefty dinner and I was going to stay down.

I shouldn't have had that extra baba ganouche.

Jim grunted, and Belinda thought she felt something entering her pussy.

Oh my god.

If you have to ask,

like, she wasn't aware of the.

Oh, oh, what's that?

Is there a gust of wind?

Something just

Jim grunted, and Belinda thought she felt something entering her pussy.

He started to fuck her hard.

Belinda breathed deeply.

Oh my god.

Did the man know he was only tickling her?

Poor Jim!

And he's going really hard.

And all he's doing is

we have a rogue comma.

Wait, is that...

Is that Jim Phoenix?

We have a rogue comma, said Belinda.

We have a diagram of, said Belinda.

Is that to scale?

And I'm with an iPhone.

It's our first illustration of the book.

Oh, my God.

This chapter's like

high lols.

I'm going to sleep tonight thinking about Jim's little whole penis.

Okay.

Prime Minister.

He started to fuck her hard.

Belinda breathed deeply.

Did the man know he was only tickling her?

This was going to take all her concentration.

Oh, because Sterling's was a massive account.

At least something is.

And if she did well today, who knew what might develop from it?

He started to press her harder and harder against the trellis.

From a tiny acorn can grow a large oak tree, literally.

He had found his rhythm, but Belinda couldn't feel anything.

And while she had the appetite for it, she knew she would have to fake it.

And Belinda never faked anything.

Oh, that's so embarrassing for Jim.

Yeah, but hopefully he won't ever find out.

Can you read that last bit again?

Yeah.

He started to press harder and harder against the trellis.

He had found his rhythm, but Belinda couldn't feel anything.

And whilst she had the appetite for it, she knew she would have to fake it.

And Belinda never faked anything.

How mortifying she couldn't feel anything.

Numb, totally numb to the advances of the vault.

Oh my god.

Oh my God.

To make matters worse, the ground was now really boggy and her torn garments were well and truly stained.

So she has to fake it, which, as we know, Belinda never does, but she doesn't even know if he's there.

Do you know what though?

I bet he's got massive balls.

Everything else is like, he's got massive thumbs, huge hands, but he's got giant balls.

Sorry.

Don't look at me like that, Alice Levine.

Of course, you will.

Like I brought the tone down.

Of course, you've been thinking about that.

Belinda thought of delicious sexual scenarios and succeeded in making her vagina become wetter and wetter.

God, she's good at this.

But she shows initiative, doesn't she?

She's quite ingenious.

She started to slowly contract her cervical muscles.

Wow.

That's so weird because I'm doing that right now.

To ensure Jim got the friction he needed to complete his ejaculation.

Oh my god.

No one has ever said.

I hope he gets the friction he needs to, what, complete his ejaculation.

You're right, babe.

Have you got the friction you need to complete your ejaculation?

I'm contracting my cervical muscles.

Let me know if you want me to contract some more.

I'm thinking of a better sexual scenario.

It's like an advert.

Have you got the friction you need to complete your ejaculation?

After 10 minutes of hard work, he came and then started to lick her tits.

Too bloody late for that.

Jim Sterling, what a Lothario.

He obviously had little regard for women, as he then pushed her head down to his cock, ensuring Belinda's long black hair fell nearly to the by now muddy ground.

Her ample breasts followed and Sterling pushed his penis into her mouth.

Sorry, her breasts followed.

Well, that's just gravity.

And we know what they look like.

And he put his penis in her mouth.

I bet she was just like...

Nothing matters.

A tic-tac.

Do you think she even knew?

Do you think she was about to walk away and that was, she just realised she was attached?

Also, thank goodness he put it in her mouth, because if she had to find it on her own...

she'd be hopeless.

Literally like a needle in a haystack.

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Belinda smiled to herself.

She could have eaten two of these for breakfast.

Never mind the scrambled eggs.

What a smart bean!

Is that a euphemism, or does she literally mean scrambled eggs?

I think maybe that she had scrambled eggs for breakfast and she could have had two of his cocks alongside him.

I told you she had a full English breakfast.

It's what he said with the beans.

Just then she heard the whistle and she knew she had done her best.

She has.

No one can take that away from her.

Come on.

She tried so hard.

Hey, for effort.

Sterling reluctantly let go of her tits and put his thong back on.

I mean, needn't bother.

It was now even more stained than when he had entered the maze.

I bet it was.

And Belinda wondered where all the seam had come from.

Oh my god.

Literally, like, what's happened to Rocky?

Rocky in this chapter has.

His mind's in the gutter.

It's absolute filth.

It is smart.

If you joined this book at chapter three and, say, missed a week or two and came to this, you'd be like, this is a different novel.

Who is this man?

And you would probably go and buy a thousand copies for it is wonderful.

Available now on Amazon.

My biggest objection is actually just all these guys wearing thongs.

When did that become okay?

Do you know any guys that wear thongs?

No, as far as I'm aware, that's not a thing.

No.

I mean, not in the circles I mix in, anyway.

Really?

That surprises me, James.

Thank you.

James counts it as a G-string, a very separate genre of pant.

Belinda wondered where all the semen had come from.

Perhaps she had underestimated his resources.

Oh, she didn't mean literally, because she was like, it's gone again.

Where did the vole go?

I think it was like, how did that much semen come out of that list?

Big balls, I told you.

Scrambled eggs, James.

Oh, God.

They're not the scrambled eggs, surely.

Oh, I'm never going to eat scrambled eggs in quite the same way ever again.

I loved that with a bit of smoked salmon.

Little chip of laughter.

I do feel a bit queasy actually.

Can we open a window?

Hey, babe.

What's your name?

Sense.

Great time for introductions, Jim.

And also, I love that he's changed region.

Where's he from now?

Oh, you, B.O.V.

Shall I ditch this accent?

No, I think carry it on.

You've started, so you must finish.

I really like your lack of conviction, so I say continue.

Belinda Blumenthorne, I'm the sales director of Steel Pots and Pans.

Good work, Belinda.

Give over.

Wait, is he?

If I find you, I'll kill you.

Liam Neeson is Jim Sterling.

Liam Neeson is so Jim Sterling.

If I find you, if I find my cock, I'll sleep with you.

If I don't find it, you'll be alright and left alone.

Good work, Belinda.

Come and see me in Texas in a couple of weeks.

I need a new cooking utensil supplier, and I I guess you fit the bill.

Do you know what?

I'm no Meryl Street.

I'm not going to do the accent anymore.

I don't think I can really put it off.

It was great while it lasted, though, wasn't it?

Yeah, I think I speak for everyone when I say we're sad.

Good work, Belinda.

Come and see me in Texas in a couple of weeks.

I need a new cookery utensil supplier.

And I guess you fit the bill.

Why, Jim, I'd love to.

Let's say in three weeks' time.

Yep, let's do it.

And I promise to replace your soiled garments with something a little bit more sexy.

Sexier than soiled garments.

With that, he stumped off.

Stumped.

Stumped.

Has he lost a limb while he's been in there?

With that, he stumped off, leaving Belinda completely naked, very muddy, and still tied to the trellis around the maze.

How long has she been there now?

She only had under two hours in total.

Yeah, she must be nearing the end of her time.

I think it's about half an hour a person, if my calculations are correct.

She massaged her wrists where the red plastic handcuffs had managed to keep her attached to the trellis and thought of the bonus money she would personally make when she tied up the deal with Jim Sterling.

I would not be thinking about that.

Other stuff on my mind.

She's such a businesswoman, though, at heart, isn't she?

She loves her.

Business.

But more pressing, like her clothes are covered in mud.

She needs some clothes.

It's Belinda.

She needs nothing.

That's true.

She also thought she'd take a crash course in yoga or some sort of exercise, which developed her cervix muscles.

Brilliant, because that's what yoga does, they tend to say.

It's the biggest selling point of yoga.

People leave and they go, you should feel the muscles on that.

They do.

She has bizarre thoughts at the weirdest times.

Oh, I must take up yoga

i'll get that sorted when i get home when i get off this trellis

if jim couldn't rise to the job then she would have to ensure he was completely satisfied the things she did to make her fortune maybe that's why we're not owning the big books because we haven't got belinda's mindset i'm not gonna lie i think she's a great role model nothing gonna say i'm not gonna lie but i am earning the big books yeah i'm actually earning the big books so you're on your own there

but wait she could hear another client approaching through the maze oh god oh no she thought.

I hope this one's a bit better hung.

I can't.

I can't say hung.

I can't take much more of these small appendages.

I'm knackered.

I don't know about Belinda.

I know I'd be absolutely pooped.

But she had to.

The handcuffs and parcel string ensured it.

Oh yeah, that secure parcel string.

They aren't ensuring anything.

I'm not being funny, but she's lying to herself if she's saying she's still there because of that parcel string.

She wants to be there.

She is loving it.

And that was the end of the chapter, guys.

Stop it.

That was quick again.

It was quite a quick one again, wasn't it?

Short, stocky, hard to find.

That's Jim Sterling and chapter six, ladies and gents.

Well, I feel grubby.

Do you?

Yeah, that was quite visceral, wasn't it?

It has been a bit soft core.

Now we'll get into the kind of the harder stuff.

Oh, just thinking.

James, didn't realise you've been starved of,

you know, sexual excitement in this book.

Well, I was just like, when are we going to get a soiled thong?

And you've got it, girlfriend.

It's not the most comfortable environment, that's for sure.

But she's quite outdoorsy.

I bet Belinda's got a D of E.

Gold.

Gold.

She's hardy as you like.

This isn't, by the way, a way of being eligible for your world D of this.

I'm just wondering where it's all going.

Like, I'm wondering where we're going to end up by the end of this book.

Where what's going?

Out of the story.

Wasted away.

Yeah, on that note.

I just keep thinking, I'll never get this time back.

No, the story, you know, like, where are we going to end up?

What's Belinda's goal?

Just to make some money?

We'll end up very old people gathered around this kitchen table.

Book 39 under our belts.

Belinda be all wizened.

Oh, old Belinda.

What are we doing?

Thank God.

Where would our tits be then?

Oh.

Oh, like.

Slippers.

Slippers.

Okay, can I guess the name of the next chapter?

Oh, please do.

The third client, Colon.

And then I don't know.

I'm going to say Patrick O'Hanlon.

Oh, really?

That's bold of you.

Who's going to be?

Shall I give you a hint of a tease?

The name has been featured in the blurb.

Is it the Duchess?

The Duchess.

It's not the Duchess, I'm sorry.

The blurb is about 18 pages.

You're going to have to be more specific.

The next chapter is called The Third Client.

Full Full stop.

Peter Rouse.

Oh, we love Peter Rouse because I think Peter Rouse is a total...

A rouser.

Well, I think it's a gag.

I think Robin's very clever there.

I bet his middle name's Andrew.

Peter A.

Rouse.

Peter A.

Rouse.

He's not going to have a little penis.

No.

It's going to be hefty.

And thank God for Belinda's sake.

Absolutely.

I can't wait for it.

Me neither.

Only seven more sleeps.

Brilliant.

It's too long.

I genuinely, between chapters,

you crave it.

I crave it.

And during the chapter, I lose the will to live.

But in between, I want more.

It's like a very unusual addiction.

It's like going to the gym.

You dread it when you get here.

Yeah, but in reverse.

So I quite look forward to doing it.

We start, I hate it.

And then.

And then afterwards, you're like, oh, thank God we did that.

You know, it's done you good somewhere.

Oh, this hasn't done me good.

Do you feel a bit

queasy?

Yeah.

Do you have a scrub down?

So, guys, please do get in touch with us if you're enjoying Belinda Blinked and My Dad Rotoporno.

We do check Twitter religiously.

A few concerning tweets that we've had

about the last chapter.

Fraser's pissing himself.

Not literally, I hope.

It doesn't say.

More on that as and when we have it.

Paul says, I don't think anything turns me on as much as Dad Rotoporno.

Good bedtime listening with the wife.

Oh, my goodness.

I mean, if that's not a passion killer, I don't know what is.

I like Sarah saying that moment when you shout what

in disbelief at the same time as the dad wrote a porno people so that must be kind of on the minute every minute then and also have to say i never thought that my dad's legacy would be hashtag porno day i love that that's taking off every monday hashtag porno day let's get rocky trending oh god every day's a porno day if you're feeling a bit left out with all this twitter talk you can tweet us yourself at dad rotoporno yeah we're on facebook as well just search my dad rotoporno and we will be found and on instagram you don't even need to write the whole thing it's just my dad wrote a Easy.

And also, please do head over to Amazon and buy the book.

It's fun for all the family.

Well, only Jamie's family.

Other families might be slightly alarmed.

It's not fun for my family, could I tell you?

The cover alone is enough reason to buy the book.

They are outraged by the cover.

That's not how they imagined Belinda.

I know.

Well, this is the problem, isn't it?

It's like with any book that gets an adaptation or something, people's imaginations are compromised.

Absolutely.

I think that's going to cause quite an issue for Rocky.

A lot of debate about Belinda and her looks.

Ferantic discussion.

Well, yeah.

And thanks again to all you loyal people for joining us again and listening to my smutty father.

It's been great.

I hope you guys know that you barely tickled me.

Thanks for listening.

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You check your hair and reflective surfaces and the world around you for recession indicators.

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