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Hello and welcome to my favorite murder.

That's Georgia Hardstar.

That's Karen Kilgara.

And we're here to do a little little bit of podcasting for you.

Just a little, like a side of podcasting.

One of those small ramekins.

Cute.

Breadcrumbs on the top.

Torch it, burn it a little.

And that's really all you need.

Crunchy and cheesy podcasting.

Don't forget your podcast stomach is only this big.

Are you hungry?

I don't know.

Who knows anymore?

I mean, truly.

I mean.

So we're doing some solo episodes.

I feel like we should just talk about it.

Like, we're planning this huge tour.

We have our researchers.

They have a lot of work.

And so we're just going to kind of do some solos so we can catch up on all of that.

Reminder, these are free.

It's summer.

These are free.

We are human beings with lives, trying to live lives at least a little bit.

And going on tour for you.

Fucking going on tour.

Yeah.

Go to myfavorite murder.com slash live and get your tickets if you want them.

There are a couple left.

There's a couple left.

There.

Speaking of, I think we should also say, like, there are no plans for tours in the future, you guys.

Like, this is, I don't see myself touring again after this.

So if you're on the fence about it, I thought you said you were going to be a stand-up.

Good luck.

I mean, no, thank you.

Yeah.

Get your tickets.

Yeah, that's a threat.

Directly.

That's kind of a threat.

No, it's an absolute threat.

It's a warning.

It's just information that I feel like we should give people.

Absolutely.

Here's more information we should give people.

One of the biggest, we can call it fights that you've ever seen on this podcast.

Scandal.

A scandal, even though it's a scandal.

It's a scandal.

I think it's something that you didn't realize.

It's, I was going to say something very political, but instead I'll say this.

This Thanksgiving, we promise you there's something new to fight about.

And it is who is right in the sister's wedding argument, big sister or little sister.

And the people have spoken.

Yeah.

So Minnisode 444, you and I discussed an email that came in about wedding drama because we'd asked for wedding drama.

And this little sister wrote in about how high maintenance her big sister was being because the little sister was going to have her wedding two months after the big sister's wedding.

And I thought that that was fine.

You understood the big sister side.

And so we took a poll.

Yeah.

Right.

A poll that almost 12,000 people responded to.

Like when I first heard these poll results, I'm like, what is that?

300 people.

There's no way.

There's no way I'm wrong to that level.

Yeah, you're right.

I see 11K, 11.9K.

11.9,000 people were like, I have an opinion.

And so so the results are in this poll after 12,000 people basically responded.

79% were in favor of the little sister and only 21% were on the big sister side.

That's a big margin.

It's a big margin.

And so that is for the people who say, stick to true crime.

Why do you fucking talk in the beginning of the, that's for you.

11.9.

Why am I angry today?

I love it.

Get it out.

Let everybody know.

But here's the thing.

If we could stick to true crime, we would have done it nine and a half years ago.

we're not yeah the argument's over just like this argument is over the people have voted on the little sister georgia side so we posted a clip of the debate to instagram and tick tock and we also got a lot of comments which is of course what we actually want what we're looking for yeah so someone says as a little sister this is classic bratty little cis behavior that's from tick tock from i can make another username is their username oh yeah

well a very good point that and dot m.z makes on Instagram, which is the military is no joke when it comes to leave little sister all the way.

So

what Molly did, which was really smart, is gave me your side arguments and you my side arguments.

Yes, we simply must understand what the other side was talking about.

Here's a long one.

This is from Instagram from Tess Jagger Wells.

I'm going with both in the wrong.

The younger sister pissed me off with the way she worded the whole thing.

You don't get to unilaterally decide that this will be fun for you and your sister.

And I didn't like the way she talked about her sister's relationship, like that wedding matters less because they've been together and engaged for a while.

Yeah.

Okay, fair.

There was a lot of that kind of stuff.

But kind of similarly, Ashton underscore with underscore and underscore E, so Ashton Ian

said, how is this the most divisive content you've ever posted?

I cannot decide.

I'm an older sister, but dot, dot, dot, can we get both perspectives, lol?

Oh my God.

Bethany and TikTok said, six months apart is the correct answer.

I love that one.

Okay.

Just like we've solved it.

Yeah, that's fair.

Mitch M-I-C-H.sum said, these sisters can afford weddings in this economy.

Very good point.

This raised my blood pressure.

I read every comment and I still can't decide.

Someone no shit Shelby said, is there a secret third sister we can side with?

I bet there is.

I bet there is.

And she's like, I'm staying fucking out of this.

Middle sister,

taking both sides taking neither side yeah she basically hates both of them equally and thinks they're both wrong equally yeah so what do you think let us know i mean this was a fun if you didn't hear about it you can go watch the clip because you will have a very definitive opinion definitely just

definitive and definite looking for those big sisters arguers you want to come and show up only the little sisters showed up which is very little sisters they're all on social media the little sisters are the social media ones they do have the older ones are on facebook the little ones are on tiktok and Instagram, right?

Fight me.

They're like, argue with me about that.

I can't figure out how to log on to Instagram.

That's like me with my, is it a Finsta?

I had a Finsta, and I couldn't remember what fake name I used.

Right.

And I just never used it again.

I think I had some Kevin something.

Kevin.

I tried to go.

That's so random.

So fake.

Yeah.

No one would ever suspect.

And it's like, they don't because I can't log on.

Classic.

So, because this was such a popular interaction, both here here on the show and then, of course, content-wise on other platforms, we decided we should have a more pick-a-side where George and I argue for or against whatever's going on.

So if you have something going on in your family, especially right now, between you and your sister, especially,

or friend, of course, or whoever.

Roommate,

just something you can't settle, please don't make it, don't bring this into any kind of a legal area.

And don't base your decision on what we say either.

This is not legally binding, whatever we say.

That's right.

Our advice is not us professional or reasonable.

We're barely doctors.

We just passed that last bar exam.

So we want to help you, and we mostly want to argue.

And we probably won't.

We won't help you.

We'll help ourselves

in the end.

Great.

All right.

We have a podcast network.

Do you want to talk about it?

Sure.

We are so.

Excited and proud.

You've heard us talk about it.

We are so proud to welcome our newest podcast.

It's about cults called Trust Me to the Exactly Right Family.

On their premiere episode, Lola and Megan sit down with artist and writer Akina Cox, who shares her experience growing up in the Unification Church, also known as the Moonies.

From mass weddings to unpaid labor and Reverend Moon's surprising ties to American politics, this is the first part of an incredible two-part series.

New episodes of Trust Me are every Wednesday.

Please rate, review, subscribe.

Then over on the Bananas, we've got Curtin Scotty talking about a Florida man who celebrated his birthday by doing meth, stealing a tour train, and then going ahead and picking up some passengers to give that tour.

That's nice of him.

That's community service.

And then over on Ghost and Roz is gagged to welcome back filmmaker, writer, and drag queen icon, Peaches Christ.

Legend.

Legend.

The two talk about stigmata, a mysterious piece of Jesus toast, and new discoveries surrounding the unsolved death of legendary drag queen Hecklina.

In case you missed it, we're going on tour.

You may have missed at the beginning of this.

We guilted you into buying tickets.

Some shows are sold out.

Lots of shows actually are sold out, more than half.

So if you want to come see us live, go grab your tickets at myfavoritemurder.com/slash live.

There's more to San Francisco with the Chronicle.

More to experience and to explore.

Knowing San Francisco is our passion.

Discover more at sfchronicle.com.

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Or is it built to work with the tools your business relies on?

IBM's AI agents are tailored to your business and can easily integrate with the tools you're already using.

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Get started with AI Agents at IBM.com.

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IBM.

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Get up to 40% off.

Select major appliances.

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Selection varies by location.

While supplies last.

More terms and restrictions apply.

See Lowe's.com/slash rebates for details.

Lowe's.

We help.

You save.

Visit your nearby Lowe's on East Darkness Avenue in Sunnyvale.

All right.

So this is your solo episode.

That's right.

So with solo episodes, we pick stories that are fun, I would say.

Okay.

I like fun.

Mine for the next episode is not fun.

Yeah, we pick differently.

Yeah.

But this one especially is very, very thematically off target in a way, but very interesting.

And we've done these kinds of stories before.

This one starts June 15th, 1722.

Oh, wow.

Old.

Way back machine.

And it starts off the southwestern coast of modern-day Nova Scotia at a settlement called Port Roseway.

There's a group of six fishermen from New England.

Their ship, the Milton, is anchored at that port after a long day's work.

Among those six men is a 19-year-old from Massachusetts named Philip Ashton.

Philip is exhausted, as is the rest of the Milton's crew, because it's a grueling job, of course, beyond the usual difficulties of these labor-intensive fishing expeditions.

Philip, who is a weak swimmer, fell overboard a few days prior.

And his shipmate and childhood friend, Joseph Libby, actually pulled him out of the water, thank God, because Philip would have drowned otherwise.

So

Philip and Joseph and the rest of the crew are ready for some RR before they have to continue on that journey.

But there are are 13 other vessels anchoring near Port Roseway at the moment.

Everybody's ready for some RR.

But then the Milton crew sees a 14th vessel entering this port.

It's a large ship with two masts.

That's called the brigantine.

I must.

So Philip and his shipmates watch this bigger brigantine boat drop a smaller boat, and now that boat is rowing straight for the Milton.

So Philip and the rest of the crew don't really think much of it because they figure that the crew on the brigantine just want to see, you know, other human faces after a long time at sea, maybe hear the latest news from the American colonies, you know, get the update.

Goss, a little gossip.

Wouldn't it be nice after like three years at sea and you're just like, oh my gosh, so sick of these fucking people.

Get me away from these nerds.

So it turns out that's not the case at all.

They're not just a boat full of gossips.

These strangers board the Milton brandishing pistols and cutlasses.

And after the initial shock wears off, Philip and the rest of the crew realize that they're dealing with every 18th century sea traveler's worst nightmare,

pirates.

These pirates easily overpower the six-man Milton crew and force them to board their brigantine.

And once that's done, they board every other vessel anchored in Port Roseway and they take all those crews hostage as well.

Nobody, there's 13 other boats and nobody fought back.

No, because they're all doing that same thing of like, oh, look at these guys in a rowboat.

Right.

I think robots aren't that scary.

No, robots, yeah.

It's like, oh, it's how cute, a robot.

Yeah.

Some guys in a rowboat.

Yeah.

Yeah.

So now everybody, including Philip, is at the mercy of these pirates.

No one knows what's going to happen next.

And as scary as that must have been, the truth is that at this moment, Philip's entire life is about to take an unbelievable series of twists and turns that will turn this teenage fisherman into a legend.

This is the story of castaway Philip Ashton.

All right.

So you know in those funny like cards from the 70s when there's like a little Tylee Island with one palm tree and a castaway with like the beard and the scraggly pants?

Yes, and I'm getting comfortable.

Well, this is kind of the vibe of that.

This feels like this guy is the OG of that guy.

He's the basis or he's the reason for the cartoon.

Kind.

He's what the cartoon is based on.

It's what I kept thinking where I was like, well, at least it's not just one tiny plot sandpile with a palm tree on it, but it's not much better.

So the main sources for this story that Marin used are a memoir written by Philip Ashton himself, which is heavily cited.

Then there's a 2014 book called At the Point of a Cutlass by Gregory N.

Fleming.

And there's an uncredited article on the New England Historical Society's website.

The rest of the sources are in our show notes.

So we're now on board the brigantine.

Things are looking incredibly grim for Philip.

And that's because this specific vessel called the Rebecca is helmed by a notoriously violent and sadistic pirate named Edward Ned Lowe.

Ned, the most terrifying name on the seas.

Ned, Ned from human resources Ned or Ned the pirate net.

Oh no, pirate Ned Pirate.

Dreaded pirate Ned Lowe.

So according to a write-up by the New England Historical Society, quote, Lowe had a reputation as a psychopath who mutilated, disemboweled, and decapitated his prisoners.

Sorry, Ned.

Sorry.

I take it back.

I take it all back.

You're not a nerd.

Mariners who plied the Atlantic were terrified of Lowe, who is said to have French.

Oops, fuck, this is so crazy.

Okay.

Mariners who plied the Atlantic were terrified of Lowe, who is said to have fried a French cook alive.

What?

He once cut off a captain's lips with a cutlass, broiled them, and forced the victim to eat them while still hot.

No,

that is sadistic.

As a person with lips, that was a very painful fucking thing for me.

As a person.

As a person.

Back on the Rebecca, Ned Lowe is now addressing the dozens of fishermen and merchants that he's holding hostage, of course, including Philip.

And he offers all of them an ultimatum.

They can either surrender all their possessions and join the Rebecca's crew as pirates, or they can be held as prisoners.

There are no other options.

No third Z's.

No, I'm going to get out of here.

You know what I'm going to do?

It's crazy.

Let's get out of here.

I just remembered I have a dinner.

Most of the hostages feel they don't have a choice, but not Philip Ashton.

He refuses to be forced into becoming a pirate, even as his childhood friend Joseph reluctantly agrees to.

Philip later attributes his decision to his, quote, dislike of Ned Lowe's company and actions, my concern for my parents, and my fear of being found in such bad company.

So he's all about status.

He's got morals and status.

That's right.

He also somewhat naively asks the pirates to put him, quote, on board any other vessel or send him ashore.

Okay.

So he actually does ask permission to ski daddle.

Yeah, no, thank you.

Of course, that doesn't happen.

And now Philip is on Ned Lowe's radar.

Right.

So he is the guy that basically goes, Excuse me, can I go?

Yeah.

So he's put in heavy chains, he's beaten, and he's pushed into a cargo hold along with every other prisoner that's being held on the Rebecca.

And as the days turn to weeks and the weeks turn to months, Philip begs to be released, but his pleas are met with more beatings.

So it's bad.

It's so bad that when the Rebecca finally anchors, one of Ned Lowe's prisoners tries to escape the ship.

Occasionally, these escapes are successful, but an unsuccessful escape pretty much means death for the prisoner, either out in the elements or when they're recaptured at the hands of the pirates themselves.

But being a prisoner on a pirate ship means being consistently underfed, regularly tortured, and constantly exposed to illness, like what anybody else could have in the hot, very densely packed holding area with the the other captives.

So it's a death sentence in and of itself.

So Philip decides to escape, and he figures if he dies trying to make a break for it, at least he tried.

But he wants to be smart about it.

So he waits for the right moment.

And in March of 1723, which is nine months after he is first imprisoned,

he finally senses an opportunity.

And that comes as the Rebecca is pulling into the Gulf of Honduras, which at the time is officially under the control of Spain.

You knew that.

Of course.

The brigantine anchors near Roatan, which is an island about 40 miles north of Honduras.

It's 50 miles long, but only five miles across at its widest part.

So it's a long, skinny guy.

Got it.

And today this island is known for its beautiful beaches and the great scuba diving and great snorkeling.

But there is a long history here.

Back then, it wasn't.

Back then, no snorkeling.

People hated the snorkeling back in the 1700s.

Tourists hadn't come yet to snorkel.

And to rate, review, and subscribe.

It's believed that Roatan was first inhabited by the Pesh indigenous people who were violently displaced by European colonists in the 16th century.

And then by early 1723, when the Rebecca arrives offshore, Roatan is totally uninhabited.

Instead, the island and the islands around it have become hideaways where pirates can anchor their ships, row to shore on smaller boats, look around for fresh water after long voyages at sea.

Cheers.

Could you feel it?

Oh, the fresh, fresh water.

Oh, thank God for fresh water.

Give it up for fresh water.

So Nedlo and the crew of the Rebecca are there to do just that.

Once the ship is anchored, Nedlo unshackles Philip and sends him with the group that are going to shore to help fill water casks for the ship.

Philip decides this will be his moment.

He explains later, quote, quote, I was very active in helping get the casks out of the boat and roll them up to the watering place.

End quote.

One of the great quotes.

That's a must.

It was my senior quote, actually.

Now that I'm thinking of it, I forgot Philip Ashton is who I quoted when I graduated.

Say it again, say it again.

It's, I was very active in helping get the casks out of the boat and roll them up to the watering place.

It's fucking poignant.

It's so me.

As he does this, little by little, Philip wanders away from the rest of the crew.

He does the classic

whistling, walking backwards.

What?

What?

I'm going to go.

I hear my mom calling me.

I'll be right back.

So he does this, wanders away, and then suddenly sprints into the jungle and runs for his life.

Hell yeah.

When the pirates realize that he's gone, they look everywhere for him.

But Roatan's forests are very dense, so trying to find one person in it feels impossible.

So when Ned Lowe calls the pirates back to the rebecca they just decide to leave philip behind right they figure he's probably gonna die out there he doesn't even have shoes on oh geez because neither do i oh my god have you been uh chained up in inside the bottom of a boat don't make people pay for that don't just lift i'm trying to get more viewers no no no no not for free trying to get more audience members don't give it for free it's just one it's like not even a pair so it's not really worth as much so the odds certainly are stacked against Philip at this moment.

He has no fire starting tools.

He has no hunting equipment of any kind.

And he's already starving.

So he's a mess.

He's able to find limes and coconuts right away.

But of course, the limes are bitter and he can't open the coconuts.

Sure.

So it's, isn't that life?

Luckily, Philip also finds wild figs and something called sapote.

I know, right?

It's a nice salad if you put it on.

Yeah, just kind of put it together and then just hold the coconut in your hand.

Philip describes sapote as, quote, larger than an orange, of oval shape, of a brownish color outside, and red within.

Hmm.

Grapefruit?

What?

Why are you looking at me?

I don't guess what it is.

No, because I wouldn't be able to tell you anyway.

But I was thinking mango.

Oh, okay.

Yeah.

To make sure these fruits are safe to eat, Philip decides he's going to wait around until one of the native animal goes and eats it first and then study the reaction it has, you know, their reactions to the fruit.

But the idea of waiting feels next to impossible because he's already starved.

So this desperation leads to a few close calls.

Like in one case, Philip finds a piece of fruit.

It looks like an apple to him.

He looks it over.

He has no idea what it is, but he is almost about to eat it.

And then he just decides it's not worth the risk.

And he will later learn it's an extremely toxic fruit called the manchineal, which is also known as the death apple.

It's right there in the the name.

Right there in his hand.

I wonder if there was like, there was like some kind of smell that hits like, you know, caveman brain.

Yes.

It's like, no, no, no.

He writes later, quote, if I had eaten it, it would have been the death to me.

So as days turn to weeks, Philip manages to find enough fruit for himself to stay alive.

He also finds fresh water very easily.

Him and those casks, it's his specialty.

Soon he builds himself a hut out of palm fronds and tree branches, classic castaway stuff.

But of course, it's all exhausting for him.

He's constantly exerting himself and burning tons of energy during those treks, like hunting for supplies and looking for fruit.

And although he's grateful for any sustenance, it's like way more than he got on that boat, he's struggling to meaningfully refuel.

He needs protein and there isn't any.

Although it's there, he crosses paths with countless wild hogs, ducks, pigeons, and deer on the island.

It's vegan.

Oh, man.

What are the chances?

He just sent his check to PETA, and there's just no way he's going to do that.

Something with a soul.

No, he just doesn't have the tools.

Fair enough.

He would love to kill any of those animals with joy.

One day, as he walks along the beach, he stumbles upon some tortoise nests with dozens of small eggs inside.

He eats several of these eggs raw and will later describe the taste as, quote, not very good.

Oh, man.

Could you do it?

Could you do it?

Crack an egg in my Yes.

Absolutely.

A tortoise egg.

How big are those?

Small.

Okay.

The paper that Marin wrote for me says small.

Okay.

Not very good.

No.

I could never.

You could.

You could.

I could after a couple months.

Yeah.

But fuck.

Yeah.

Let's not get into situations.

I mean, I had a cocktail that has raw egg in it.

What did it taste like?

Like cocktail with raw egg in it.

No, it's not bad.

It's not bad.

Was there any kind of a tortoise essence to it at all?

No.

Okay.

Not great.

Then you weren't on Roaten Island.

I wasn't starving for a cocktail, or was I?

Or was or was you?

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Select major appliances.

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Selection varies by location.

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Go bye.

Bye.

So months pass, and Philip doesn't have a game plan for anything other than just surviving.

And despite this island being relatively small, every one of Philip's days is filled with new and terrifying experiences.

Like when he came upon a snake that he describes as, quote, very large, as big, round as a man's waist, and 12 or 14 feet long.

Uh-uh.

And he says, quote, the first I saw of these greatly surprised me, for I was very near to it when I discovered it to be a living creature.

And then it opened its mouth wide enough to have thrown a hat into it

and blew out its breath at me.

Oh, I didn't know that snakes did that.

I mean, take a deep sigh.

Like a giant hissing python?

Yeah.

One positive for Philip is that he uses his downtime on Roatan while he's not foraging or building shelter to improve his swimming skills.

But of course, that's also filled with danger.

And he later writes:

Another time as I was swimming, a shark struck me in the thigh just as I set my foot to ground, so grounded himself on the shoals and could not turn himself to come at me with his mouth.

Through the goodness of God, I escaped falling prey to his devouring teeth.

So a big shark beached itself to try to eat him and just missed, essentially.

As the days and weeks go by, Philip becomes increasingly frail, both physically and, of course, mentally.

His days become monotonous and they start to blend together.

Been there.

Philip wanders up the same hills, ventures to the same fruit trees, stares at the same expanse of ocean over and over, day after day.

He starved for human connection, and he hasn't talked to another human being in months and complains, quote, the parrots here here had not even been taught to speak.

That's his complaint.

Two stars.

That's his Yelp review of the island.

Come with me as I explore this island.

Then something unbelievable happens.

In November of 1723, after being stranded for around nine months,

he suddenly spots a man rowing toward the island in a canoe.

Wow.

Hey, what?

Philip can hardly believe his eyes, and for a second, he thinks he's hallucinating.

But when the man comes ashore, Philip realizes that he is actually real.

So he cautiously approaches this man who is visibly frightened by Philip and his crazy unkempt appearance.

So I think nine months at this point, scraggly, beardy.

As writer Gregory N.

Fleming notes, quote, he stepped back a little, letting the sight of Philip sink in, and then finally approached and shook his hand.

So as it turned out, this man is from England, and he tells Philip he's recently escaped Spaniards on mainland Honduras who were trying to kill him.

The Englishman claims he came to Roatan because he believed it was abandoned.

He doesn't share much more information about himself.

He doesn't even say what his name is.

But Philip doesn't care because this Englishman came prepared.

Philip later writes that the man brought, quote, five pounds of pork, a knife, powder, tobacco, tongs, and flint.

What kind of powder are we talking about?

Doot, do.

The old

nose candy.

Little ski party

on Roatan.

And this man is, thank God, kind enough to share all of these supplies with Philip.

I don't think I would, like, I was hallucinating that.

That's lucky.

It's a dream.

After nine months, it's like the dream.

But as grateful as Philip is to have met this stranger, their time together does not last long.

After a few days, the Englishman says he wants to go to a neighboring island to scavenge and hunt, but Philip doesn't think that he is physically up for that task.

So he decides to stay behind, which to me, I'm trying to read between the lines of like, immediately did you hate each other?

Yeah.

Annoyed the shit out of each other.

It's like a guy from Boston and a British guy.

I'm just going to go.

I feel like I want to just check that other island.

Totally stay here if you're not up for it.

Chill.

Yeah.

Chill underneath this palm tree.

You got this.

Here's some powder.

I'll be back.

Philip's like, cool, cool, cool.

I'll watch the powder.

Right.

So as the Englishman climbs into his canoe, he assures Philip that he will be back soon.

I'm just going to check out this other party and then I'll come back to it and we'll totally keep it.

I thought I'd stop by just for this party and then I'm going to, I'm going to come back here.

I don't even want to go.

Yeah.

But I have to go to show my face on this island.

I need the credit.

An hour after the Englishman leaves Roatan, there's severe weather with, quote, violent gusts of wind and rain.

That Englishman never returns.

Yeah.

So several days pass.

Philip accepts the fact that the Englishman is likely never coming back and he starts using the supplies the man left behind.

He's like, man.

You mean three minutes after he left?

He's now able to cut up tortoise meat, crabs, and coconuts, and he can cook all of it over a fire.

He can finally satiate himself and it's all an absolute godsend for Philip.

And he credits the mysterious Englishman for saving his life.

So now it's January of 1724.

Philip has been stuck on Roatan for nearly 11 months.

One day while he's out scavenging, he notices a small boat that's on the shore.

At first, Philip thinks it could be that Englishman's canoe.

As he gets closer, he realizes he's never seen this boat before.

It looks more well-designed, and it has a small mast and a sail.

So somehow, the boat has washed up ashore without a captain.

So Philip decides to take it for himself.

And after a few minutes.

Just an empty boat?

An empty boat just shows up.

This guy is the lucky.

I mean, look, he's not lucky.

but keeps getting lucky.

I mean, there's islands that are out there that are just like all spiders.

That literally, you can't go to them because they're covered in poisonous spiders.

Yeah, that's real.

And he got the one where just a random, really cool English guy with tons of Coke showed up

and an empty fucking boat.

And like coconuts and limes, like everything that you need for a Mai Thai except for rum.

Yeah, and now there's just some like, oh, a boat got here.

He's in the perfect jet stream.

After a few practice runs, Philip feels comfortable enough to sail toward nearby islands, hoping to find someone friendly, not a pirate, who can help him get back to Massachusetts.

So he packs some food.

He takes off on a 20-mile sailing journey to the neighboring island of Guanaha.

He doesn't have any maps or anything.

He just has to blindly go out into the ocean.

As he approaches this new island, he sees a ship in the distance anchored in this island's bay.

So he's very excited at the possibility of seeing another person, possibly someone who might be able to help him, but he also knows this area is a hideaway for pirates, so chances are it could be a pirate.

Philip will later write, quote, I could never entertain the thoughts of returning on board a pirate ship.

If I should have the opportunity, I would rather live and die as I was.

Until he knows who is on that ship, Philip decides to lay low.

He anchors his boat on the other side of the island and then spends two days cautiously crossing the island, still barefoot.

Tiptoe.

Sneaky think.

One stick snaps.

He freezes for two days.

Keeps going.

When he finally makes it back over to the bay to do some spying, the ship is gone.

It took too long.

Now he's defeated and exhausted.

So Philip slumps down against a tree.

And while still sitting up, he falls asleep, very castaway-ish.

It's unclear how long he dozes off, but the next thing he remembers is the sound of gunfire close up.

25 years.

Sleeps.

When he jumps up, he looks around around and sees several small boats approaching the shore.

Philip will later say, quote, I soon turned about and ran as fast as my sore feet would let me into the bushes.

So Philip will later learn that these men are Spaniards.

They likely think Philip is some sort of political enemy, a pirate, or a laborer in the illegal lumber trade, which is now a booming industry in South America.

So Philip is once again running from men who want to capture him.

He manages to hide until the Spaniards leave.

When Philip walks back down to the beach, he sees bullet holes in the tree where he'd been resting and they'd only missed him by inches.

So again, lucky, unlucky.

Yeah.

Now Philip has to hike all the way back to his small boat because he had to be so sneaky.

It takes him three days to get there.

The mosquitoes and the flies on Guanaha are even worse than they were on Roatan.

He's being bitten constantly and he's now running on very little food and water.

He finally gets to hop into his boat and sail back to Roatan and he gets there after nightfall.

So he goes back to the island.

He has to go back to where he started.

So irritating.

Yeah.

More time passes and when March 1724 comes and goes, he's now been on Roatan for a full year.

His mental and physical health are very fragile.

He's rail thin.

He's covered in insect bites.

His clothes are torn to shreds.

By June of 1724, Philip's been ruined for 15 months and he is so weak that he struggles to make his once very routine trips across the island for fruit and water.

He now spends much of his time staring out at the ocean.

Bad sign.

Usually, doing this is pretty uneventful until one day when he sees two small dots in the water.

As they move closer to shore, Philip sees it's a pair of men in two small canoes.

One of them shouts out in English, who's there.

Philip breathes a little sigh of relief.

He yells back that he's from the colonies and he's been stuck on this island for over a year.

The men announce that they're British loggers.

They explain that Spaniards are clamping down on their operations, which are illegal, and that Spaniards are planning a raid on the logging camp.

So these men are now scouting new potential campsites.

So after some back and forth, the men establish trust with one another and the duo and the canoes come ashore.

According to Philip, when one of the men approaches him, quote, he started back, frightened to see such a poor, ragged, lean, wan, forlorn, wild, miserable object so near to him.

So luckily, these men show Philip kindness.

They notice that he is unable to walk very well at all.

So the British loggers decide to carry him back to their boats.

Then they take him to their logging camp on the neighboring island.

And along the way, the men excitedly listen to Philip's outrageous story of survival, and they offer him some rum, which, right?

He finally has the missing piece.

but now the coconuts and the limes are back on the island.

Turn around.

Damn it.

The rums is a bit too strong for Philip, who gets very, very drunk very quickly.

That's not an empty stomach starving for 15 months snack.

Girl, no.

First, you order an awesome blossom, then you get some queso.

No, you need a fucking base.

Base.

Base that shit out.

A coating.

Please.

So he says about himself drinking this rum, quote, this small quantity through my long disuse of any liquor higher spirited than water and my present weakness threw my animal spirits into such a violent agitation.

So you got shit-faced.

Immediately shit-faced and an asshole drunk.

Oh, no, right

on a canoe.

Get out of here.

Now at the camp, Philip is finally surrounded by other people, and this group consists of 18 male loggers and a female cook.

Ma'am, are you okay?

And they all do their best to take care of Philip.

He's given new clothes, a much-needed pair of shoes, deer meat and pork, and the time to recover and gain strength.

After several weeks, Philip is well enough to help the loggers build a new camp back on Roatan.

So he's

back.

Yes, he's back home.

He belongs.

Then in August of 1724, a ship called the Diamond stops near this logging camp.

The Diamond wasn't supposed to pass through the area, but storms pushed its journey south.

So now the ship's crew is in desperate need of fresh water.

They got it on Rotan.

Turns out this vessel is from Massachusetts.

Oh my God.

Just like Philip.

Even more bizarrely, the diamond set sail just a few miles from Philip's coastal hometown.

But the most fateful twist in this wild story is that Philip knows the diamond's captain, their acquaintances from back home.

Shit.

They're like, didn't you work a 7-Eleven?

Hey, that's the 7-Eleven I used to go to every morning.

Gee old 7-Eleven.

Gee old.

No slurpees, just grog.

So that captain, who Philip simply refers to as Captain Dove, immediately and enthusiastically agrees to take Philip home.

And with that, his long journey finally ends in May of 1725 when he arrives at Salem Harbor on the diamond.

Wow.

This is nearly three full years after he was first taken prisoner by Ned Lowe.

Three years.

Three full years.

Three real shitty years.

Yeah.

Philip says, quote, I went the same evening to my father's house where I was received as one coming to them from the dead.

I bet.

Knock, knock, knock.

Yeah.

Can you imagine?

Oh, my God.

And they're like, what's this beard look?

It's no.

Take off those culottes.

They don't look good on you.

As Philip readjusts to his old life, he must come to terms with all that's happened to him.

He knows very well that he cheated death countless times.

I mean, the idea that that ship just got blown off course.

That's the only reason they were there.

Yeah.

It's crazy.

All of it.

Tragically, Philip learns that his dear childhood friend, Joseph Libby, who saved his life, wasn't so lucky.

According to the New England Historical Society, quote, while Philip lingered a castaway on a Caribbean island, Libby met his death by hanging in Rhode Island with 25 other pirates.

Oh, so because he said yes to being a pirate.

Yeah, even though he was a pirate, yeah.

It was like to try to stay alive and stay alive in an okay way.

Yeah.

And they don't care.

No.

They don't care about that.

It's traitor behavior.

Right.

Before long, Philip is encouraged to write his story, and his memoirs published in 1725, soon after he returns to Massachusetts.

It's very short, and it's very much written in the vernacular of the day.

So it is a bit of a dense read.

This is Marin's.

Marin's commentary on it.

Like, I tried.

She's like, Karen.

Look.

But you can find it if you want to read it online under a couple different titles.

One is Stranded in Rowatan, The True Account of Escape from Pirates.

After this memoir is published, some people wonder if Philip made the whole thing up.

Can you imagine going through that and then being like, liar?

It's like, sorry, so you said you immediately found coconut?

Right.

And one of the reasons people think it's made up is because the book Robinson Crusoe had just come out and was super popular.

So people are just like, oh, you just showed up and basically told the same story.

Right.

And to make money.

But as unbelievable as it all sounds, no one has ever been able to disprove Philip's story.

And many parts of it have been corroborated.

What about all the other, yeah, all the other sailors?

Yeah.

I mean, nameless English guy doesn't help anything.

No.

Why didn't you insist upon?

I thought there would be a reveal later.

Yeah, like take a photo of his driver's license so you could be like,

Look, it's Jack the Ripper.

Oh my God.

That'sland.

He didn't want to give his name.

We don't know much about Philip past this chapter in his life, but by most accounts, his memoir and his momentary fame don't fundamentally change his life.

He goes right back to his work as a fisherman.

He gets married.

He has some kids.

And the rest of his life is pretty hazy.

We do know that he dies in 1746 in his early 40s.

So to this day, Philip Ashton's unlikely survival story is widely accepted to have actually happened, although even Philip himself seems to be in disbelief over everything that he went through, writing in his memoir that, quote, I cannot take notice of the strange concurrence of divine providence all along in saving from the rage of the pirates and the malice of the Spaniards, from the beasts of the field and the monsters of the sea, in keeping me alive amidst so many deaths in such a lonely and helpless condition, and in bringing about my deliverance.

Yeah.

And that's the story of castaway Philip Ashton.

Oh my God, the luckiest man in 1724.

Yeah.

Wow.

Aside from Ned Lowe, the super pirate, who just got to kill and cut off lips.

Yeah, geez.

He's just like...

Thinking of the worst possible way to torture someone.

Here,

cut off your lips, fry them up.

Yeah.

And you eat them.

Make fun of my name again.

Yeah.

Make fun of Ned.

Ned?

You don't like the name Ned?

That's pussy.

Okay.

Oh, okay.

Wow.

Great job.

Great solo story.

Thank you.

That was fun.

See, solo story.

It was fun.

You were right.

It's a fun jaunt, which is what we need sometimes.

sometimes adventure totally these days good job thank you well we did it you did it i did it i didn't do much you did what you're supposed to do show my feet

get those tootsies up there and make us some money let's get on the only fans

um

you mean uh feetpicks.com yeah yeah yeah well Good job.

Thanks, everybody.

Thanks for listening, you guys.

Yeah, thanks for being here.

Thanks for being so understanding about the fact that we were trying to do many things at one time.

That's right.

And, you know, be women of the world.

Yeah, that's right.

You love it when we do that.

That's your favorite part of this podcast.

It really is.

Stay sexy.

And don't get murdered.

Goodbye.

Elvis, do you want a cookie?

This has been an exactly right production.

Our senior producers are Alejandra Keck and Molly Smith.

Our editor is Aristotle Acevedo.

This episode was mixed by Liana Scolacci.

Our researchers are Maren McGlashen and Ali Elkin.

Email your hometowns to myfavoritemurder at gmail.com.

Follow the show on Instagram at myfavoritemurder.

Listen to MyFavavite Murder on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts.

And now you can watch us on Exactly Right's YouTube page.

While you're there, please like and subscribe.

Goodbye.

Kevin and Rachel and King of MMs and an eight-hour road trip.

And Rachel's new favorite audiobook, The Cerulean Empress, Scoundrel's Inferno.

And Florian, the reckless yet charming scoundrel from said audiobook.

And his pecs glistened in the moonlight.

And Kevin, feeling weird because of all the talk about pecs.

And Rachel handing him Peanut M ⁇ Ms to keep him quiet.

Uh, Kevin, I can't hear.

Yellow, we're keeping it PG-13.

MMs, it's more fun together.

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