Rewind with Karen & Georgia - Episode 38: Sidebar Nation

This is exactly right. Be easily trained on your workflows and integrate with your apps.
It can be tuned to do just what you need. Because the more AI knows about your world, the more it can help you do.
Learn more at ibm.com slash productivity. IBM.
Let's create. Get your mother-loving ears on because your big-time radio DJ's got news.
PayPal lets you pay for stuff in-store, online, or over time. Now that's a tune.
You can pay your own way. Don't just pay, baby.
PayPal. Learn more at PayPal.com.
You know those commercials where a single impossibly shiny car glides down a beautiful winding country road with a horse running along a fence? Oh yeah, that's not real life. No, but Hyundai's available class-exclusive advanced safety features are designed for the roads we actually drive on, helping to keep you and your family protected.

Hyundai vehicles are equipped with a standard driver attention warning system, which constantly monitors your attention levels.

Learn more about Hyundai at HyundaiUSA.com or call 562-314-4603 for complete details.

That's H-Y-U-N-D-A-I-U-S-A.com or call 562-314-4603 for complete details. That's hyundaiusa.com or call 562-314-4603.
Goodbye.

Hello and welcome to Rewind with Karen and Georgia. To Rewind.
Shit. It's Wednesday, and that means we're recapping one of our old episodes with all new commentary, with case updates, perhaps some vision on our past, and some lessons for the future.
Hey, today we're rewinding to episode 38, which we named Sidebar Nation. So please listen now as we take you back to October 13th, 2016.

You remember you went as Harley Quinn for Halloween that year. Oh my God, you looked great.

Oh, that's so cute and scary. So scary.
Let's listen to the intro of episode 38.

Hey, Stephen, do you want to turn off that thing? I just realized it was loud. Thank you.
Oh my gosh. Shit's breaking down.
We're keeping this in, right?

Oh dear. She just turned it higher.
You lost her fucking mind. All right.
Everybody. Here we go.

Welcome to my favorite murder episode 38 i feel like hurricane episode hi hi we have steven back steven was gone last week steven welcome back thank you thanks for watching my cats while i was out of town they kept me busy but i. Yes.
Save it for the cat podcast.

Forecast, everyone.

I have a story to tell about being out of town, speaking of.

Oh, this is my favorite murder, by the way.

Did we say that part?

I don't know.

You're Karen.

I'm Georgia.

That's right.

That's right.

And we're back in our normal seats.

Yes.

Which to me makes all the difference.

You came in tonight and like sat in my seat.

And then I was like, are we going to, we're not doing this, right? I's like, no. Yeah, no, absolutely not.
So wait, Georgia went to San Francisco for, was it for Unique Suites? No, it's just for like a real life normal trip. Oh my God.
How was it? You're going to cry for me. Yes, I'm so jealous.
I'm on your Argentina right now. Oh, this goddamn town so bad.
Oh, it was nice. Can I tell you honestly? Yes.
I like staying home. You do? A lot.
Like as a staycation as opposed to going somewhere for vacation? I'm not, yeah, I like being home. I hear you.
You know, I like that excuse to like eat and drink whatever I want when I'm out of town, but like, I also like hanging out at home. Did you guys drive or fly? We flew.
I feel like at this point in my life, I've gotten to this place where like, I'm not going to fly to San Francisco. I'm not going to fly to Vegas.
I'm going to valet park most of the time. Wait, you mean drive, right? You were saying fly.
Fuck, yes. That's what I mean.
You're going to do the most convenient thing because you're an adult and you can't. I am an adult.
That to me was like when I realized that I can now afford ballet parking and I could afford it for a long time, but I was like, fuck you. I'm not paying to pay you to eat at your place.
But that's not it. You're paying for the convenience of pulling up and walking away from your car.
Yeah, and not being in a dangerous neighborhood walking down the street. Right.
Anyways, San Francisco and then I'm walking down Hate Street. That great street.
That great street hate with Vince during the day. We're like doing touristy things and I hear someone scream at me from a moving car and I go to Vince.
What was that? And he said, she said my favorite murder. What? Yes.
As she drove by. My favorite murder.
Who was that? I know, I know. I lost my mind.
And I went, ah! I like waved my hands in the, like, I went, ah! I totally, like, lost my mind. That's awesome.
I know. I didn't play it cool when I wasn't being cool because it was, like, the coolest thing.
Cools for fools. Who cares? Yeah, it was exciting.
Oh my God, I'm smiling so much. First of all, I used to live...
Were you in the Upper Haight where like all the shops are? We were in the Upper Haight, yeah. Yeah, that's my old neighborhood from when I used to live there before the dot-com boom when you could live in the Upper Haight as a young poor person.
It's so dangerous there. Or it was.
It wasn't back... Well, you know what though? Back then I craved danger.
Yeah, I get it. I lived in Koreatown for a little while.
You know. It's even more touching.
I just love that. But I think also, I love that someone recognized you from like, it had to have been a block away.
Yeah. Well, they were driving by and it's like, okay, I mean, Vince is like a tall dude with like blonde shaved head and like

always wears a flannel and I'm like a short, you know,

like, and I had been posting on my Instagram that I was

in town. Oh, okay.
So the person like

probably was like knew that I was

there. Was a follower.
There's this person, but

it still was like, and I didn't get it

at first. And then I was like, what did you say?

What did Vince? What did you say? She said, if I could have a murder.

Ah! And they were like,

get out of town, narc.

Oh, wait. Yeah.

I was like, what did you say? She said, fuck, I heard my murder. They're like, get out of town, narc.
Oh, wait. Yeah.
I was about to yell, fuck you. And then I realized it was a good thing.
You go kick their bumper. Georgia, wait.
I love that. I went to see Jimmy Pardo and Matt Belknap have, of course, the very famous podcast, Never Not Funny.
And our friend, April Richardson, was on it the other night. So I went with her because we're two old crones that go everywhere together.
Because she was the guest. It was over at Flappers.
And during the show, Jimmy referenced me and did it in his very Jimmy Pardo way of going, oh, sure, start a podcast and then you're number one. We've been here for 10 years, whatever, which is the highest compliment from a comedian.
Like putting you down by complimenting you by putting you down. Exactly.
That's the only way they can do it. It's very hard for us as stand-up comedians to really express ourselves, but it was a lovely shout out really is what it was.
And afterwards, when we went to leave, two different girls came up and were like, I'm a murderino. It's the funniest thing when people say it that way too.
Like, I'm a murderino. It's me, I'm a murderino.
Just like, hi. It was really fun.
There's another girl who put a message on my Instagram photo and was like, I saw you on the BART train in San Francisco and I recognized you. And I looked at her photo and I was like, oh my God, I was, she's like, I was too scared to say anything.
And I was like, I was staring at you because your hair was so cute. Why? What was her hair like? Her hair was like a pixie cut.
And I was looking at her being like, fuck, I wish I could pull that off. That girl pulls it off really well.
What pixie a boy cut? Like Tinkerbell. Yeah.
Tinkerbell has a bun. Oh, shit.
I'm thinking Tinkerbell from Hook. Oh.
Julia Roberts. Yes.
I grew up in the 90s. Julia Roberts in a wig.
Yes. I've always wanted that hair too.
Well, like Julia Roberts in a wig, she looked adorable. She was rocking boy hair.
You have to be so pretty to be able to pull off that hair. Yeah.
I was like, fuck shit. And I've done that hair and been like, oh my God, what did I do? Dude, in high school, I did the ghost haircut.
What's the ghost haircut? It's a bowl cut. It's a big round Demi Moore and ghost bowl cut.
Did you go in and be like, give me the ghost? I think it may have been before ghost, no brag. And I know that I had also sunened my hair.
So I basically had orange hair in a bowl cut. I looked like I had, it was kind of like as if I was trying to look like a Japanese rock star is what I looked like, but not, but then everything else.
Like a male Japanese rock star. It was like, basically, what are you doing is what I looked like.
I mean, we have so many throwback Thursday photos that we just horrify. We'll never see the live day.
We horrify people. No.
Last week on the show I work on, it was my episode. And in the middle of it, the director of the episode, who is this super badass super badass Peter Atencio who directed Keanu, the Kean Peel movie and all of Kean Peel all of Kean Peel, he's done a ton of shit, I think he did The Last Man on Earth he's done a bunch of stuff, he's the shit right now, he walks up to me and goes you know my friend Georgia and I was like what is happening and he directed your Nuggetini video.
He that we were just friends with him and he was like hey I'll do this like for like for free as a friend did that in my grandma's kitchen and then from that we got a web series with cooking channel and he directed those too and like no way he's just like a buddy of ours that's so awesome and now he's like this huge now he's the shit everybody on my episode, which was very involved and like... Should we plug the show early? I don't think we can.
Okay. I mean, like, I don't...
Yeah, I think we should wait until... I always think I'm going to get sued.
I get it. I want to sue people and I want to get sued.
But that was an awesome connection. And then...
Love it. I told you this already, but I won't tell other people while I was leaving.
It's that kind of thing where this is like a real TV show. I've worked on, obviously, I've worked on TV for a while, but this is like an exciting show that I really love and believe in and think is great.
And it feels like other people that are working on it feel that way too, which is normally when you work with crew people and stuff, they're all like checking their watch and like, I need to get out of here. But everybody in this whole crew is so good.
They're really good at what they do. It's amazing to watch.
These are obviously kind of A-lister people in all these different departments. And when we went to leave, everyone was kind of thanking each other, saying goodbye or whatever.
And it was like, you know, midnight on Friday. It sucked.
So I went to leave. And then I, as I saw the prop master, so I went to say thank you to him and as we were shaking hands he was like great to work with you and then he goes don't get murdered and walked away you didn't tell me this I didn't no I thought I called you oh yeah I didn't no shit maybe it was my sister that's where we've become I'm kind of losing my mind right now.
I'm so fucking tired. I'm so tired.
I feel like I have 50,000 emails and I'm not doing, I feel like I'm, I have 19 plates spinning. I'm dropping all of them.
Everything's still, everything's working out. I know like the other day we were like both freaking out about like social media on this.
And it's like, well, it's not, it's not going to implode if we don't retweet someone's like everything's okay you're getting you're on your job and you're doing your your big job yes everything else is still working out we're okay right we're fine like we're good this is like anxiety like at at work yes well it's just a lot i mean it's, no complaints. That's the worst thing in the world to complain about.

Yeah, I know.

It's nice.

There's some fun things happening.

I guess that the fun thing about that story is I'm sitting there going like, oh, everyone's so awesome or whatever.

And then like when someone comes up.

Yeah.

It's such an intimate thing.

Yeah.

Like, oh my God, you listen?

Do you think it's good?

What if I just immediately started asking him for compliments the second after he told me not to get married? Well, you'd sound like me. Oh, we sold out the Chicago Podcast Festival show that we're doing.
Oh my God. Chicago, Chicago, Chicago.
I don't know how I can think. I don't know.
950 people. Is it? That's too many people.
Yeah, we got to... Let's cut that in half.
For sure. Okay, I'll call the guy tomorrow.
You can put that wall up. Yeah.
We'll hang the improv curtain. Like only half the room sold out.
We'll bring our own big, huge black curtain. But there'll be the rest of the people will be behind that curtain.
We just don't have to deal with it. We can't see them.
Yeah. I'm trying.
Your sister's coming. I'm trying to bring my mom.
It's so exciting because my... These are the people that never paid attention to anything I did until I was about 27.
And now you're a big deal. And all of a sudden...
But I think Adrian and Audrey were the first who started. And these are basically our childhood friends from way back.
Petaluma. Petaluma hardcore.
What's up? And we have a text thread that's been going for like a year where we're just constantly sending each other terrible cat photos and whatever. Remind me to send you the rock and roll elf photo.
Rock and roll elf? Okay. Oh, someone at work mentioned the other day, do you know elf ended with him being taken the government? Is that the truth? Or was there someone fucking with me? We're getting a nod from Dustin.
I mean, my con star scene. Is it true? Same thing.
It's very true. You're young enough to have absorbed that.
No, somebody talked about it recently. Will you briefly run it down? How is that? How did it end with that? I don't know.
I just heard that that's how it ended. So unless somebody's lying to me and you.
Can I be honest? That motherfucker ate cats, so I don't give a shit what happened to him. Okay.
Fuck off. Fuck off.
Maybe it was cats dressed up in government clothes. Oh.
This is fan fiction. We have to write.
Where were we? Oh, your sister or your friends, they're going to... Oh, so then in this text, one of them said, you're going to go to Chicago to do your podcast? And I was like, yeah.
Oh, they were mad that they weren't here for our first one. I didn't even invite my mom, even though it's down the street from her house.
So now I'm like, I'm going to fly her to Chicago. You're going to do a little makeup work for Chicago.
But anyway, they got excited and then they're like, we could go. We can afford to go.
We can fly out. And then they basically made the plans on the text thread.
And I was just laying on my couch, like all bitchy and tired. And like, it was of course, 10 o'clock at night.
And I was like, I don't want to take my mascara off. And then my sister and my old friends just start making this plan in front of me to come and be there for when we do Chicago you're gonna cry it made me cry at the time and then I was like you guys I'm crying and they just didn't even pay attention they were such a hard ass you cry so easily I will cry well especially these days like the other day I had a brief passing thought in the room and then I pretend I had to pretend to to sneeze so that you would understand why my eyes were the way they were.

You're the most hard ass and then you just fucking lose it.

That's how it always is.

If someone's a real hard ass, they're the biggest softie.

Right. That makes sense.

We have to put our dukes way up because we're like a prickly pear with a gooey center.

Oh, that sounds... I'm hungry.

You just bite into a prickly pear with a gooey center. Oh, that sounds, I'm hungry.
You just bite into a prickly pear? Why is this gooey? Okay, I have a thank you. We have several thank yous.
So at our live show in Los Angeles at the LA Podfest, we afterwards, like a bunch of people just like handed us shit and like didn't even want money for it. Handed and walked away and there's no cards.
We don't know names.

They didn't want anything for it,

which is like bananas.

It's the way to do it,

actually.

I respect it.

I agree.

Like,

it's legit.

Just add a card

because some of it

we don't know who it's from.

Yeah,

we do want to know your name.

Okay,

so this,

someone just handed me

this like,

this gift bag

with two cat toys in it

that Elvis and Mimi

have fucking lost their shit over. Elvis was laying on one of them like a pillow.
Yeah. They're these little, it's one's a goldfish and one's an elephant and they're filled with catnip and they, and it's, it's called Beko family, B-E-C-O.
And you can get them at, I think it's, oh dear, B-E-C-O Pets. B-E-C-O Pet.com.
And they're these like adorable and it looks like natural and like not bad for you cat toys. And they've held up, which usually when catnip toys are chewed on, they fall apart immediately.
And they've like fought each other over them. So thankfully they gave us two.
But thank you. That's so awesome.
They're so sweet. I'm going to post a photo of Elvis and Mimi fighting over them on their Instagram.
And we got mugs from the coroner's office. I like to think the coroner brought them him or herself, but we don't really know.
I wish the person had given us a card. I feel like they probably bought those at the Museum of Death.
Oh, yeah.

Do you know what I mean?

They seem like something that you could buy

at the Museum of Death.

I just like it because in the morning,

it's a nice tall mug.

And then it's a skeleton with a Sherlock Holmes hat on.

And I think he's smoking a pipe.

Mine was a chalk outline,

a body chalk outline with that on it.

They're really good quality mugs.

So thank you whoever was the gift giver in that scenario. You could probably bash someone over the that on it.
They're really good quality mugs. So thank you whoever was

the gift giver in that scenario.

You could probably bash someone over the head with it

and it wouldn't even break.

Wait, what?

There might be a little knife in the bottom.

I don't know. I was trying to riff.

Steven also showed me

his tote bag, which is actually really cute.

Oh, I haven't seen it, Steven.

Look at this thing. It's the original

logo. Oh my God.

My favorite murder logo, tote bag.

Oh, this is actually really cute. Oh, I haven't seen it.
Look at this thing. It's the original logo.
And my favorite murder logo, tote bag. Oh, this is good.
It's good. It's like a book bag.
It reminds me of like my fourth grade book bag. Steven, any comments, thoughts on it? I mean, it holds the gear that records this podcast.
Holy shit, meta. Dude.
It's in good hands. This is holistic.
Listen, go to the farmer's market with a shirt, with a tote bag that says, fuck politeness. Yeah.
And tell everyone to fuck off. And get some sailberries.
What are sailberries? Well, they'll give you a discount because they love our podcast. Oh, it's like on-sale berries.
Yeah. I thought there was a berry I didn't know about.
Sailberries, you know, they taste like... Say it.
Sail it. I can't.
I can't do anything. I'm so tight, Ty.
I'm a lengthy Karen drinking a diet ginger ale. What's happening here? That's the other thing too.
I haven't had anything I like to eat in six months. You look amazing.
Thank you. You look miserable but amazing.
I'm miserably amazing. Thank you.
It's just so much. Also, we're in the LA.
Oh, whatever. All right.
Anyways, let's move on to murders. There's so much going on.
Hey, let's take a quick... What? Oh, I was just going to say somebody was telling...
My friend Nick who listens... Hi, Nick Bernstein.
Who listens to us and is a big, and as a big podcast person in general, kind of like listens to all of them. He was talking about, um, I can't remember

what he's talking about specifically, but then I was, I just mentioned the skippers and the people

who actually message us to complain. Uh, and I said there, I basically said there are some people

who are just like, come on, get to the murder. And he could not stop laughing at that sentence.

He's like,

Thank you. to complain.
And I said, I basically said,

there are some people who are just like,

come on, get to the murder.

And he could not stop laughing

at that sentence.

He's like,

that's your pull quote.

That has to be your pull quote.

Get to the murder.

And I was like,

oh, you know what?

You're right.

That's exactly right.

Oh my God.

Like, this is the,

you've said it before.

This is the podcast.

This is the podcast.

To quote Jimmy Pardo,

listen or don't.

And we're back. I still remember it was the first time I ever got yelled at stay sexy.
Like out of a car in the upper height. Yeah, I'll remember it forever right in front of the McDonald's there.
It was so I remember jumping up and down. It was so exciting.
I think the first time anyone recognized me, I was getting my nails done. I remember that.
It was super quiet. And the girl walked up and she's like, I'm really sorry.
I love this show. And ran away and I was like stuck getting my nails done.
So I was like, bye. Oh my God.
So funny. That was so fun.
This is the beginning of that time, which was like the fucking best. It was hilarious to us.
And just like hearing us have that conversation where we're still just like, this is what's happening. Can you believe it? Yeah.
So can you believe 950 seats? That's actually a lot. I'm actually like, holy shit.
Like we do more now or we've done more in the past, but that is sizable for like what, our second show? Yes. It's pretty fucking awesome.
Yeah. It was really good.
Well, we had the numbers and that's all that matters that's right so if you could please just now that we've listened to that top of show okay can you just give us the behind the scenes background on the nuggetini and really just like a little bit of like where it came from where it got you what that kind of like internet of virality felt like? Just give us an example.

Okay, well, yeah.

The McNuggetini changed my life completely. My friend Allie Ward and I created it in a bar because we were going out late every night and we wanted dinner, drink, and dessert in one cup.
We were like, I don't want to stop for dinner. I want a drink.
I need a drink. I want dessert.
And so we just, and we loved McNuggets. And so we created this ridiculous drink.
It's a martini glass. You rim it in McDonald's barbecue sauce.
You put vodka and chocolate shake together and pour it into the cup. And then you garnish it with a McNugget.
And so you drink it. You have to get through the barbecue sauce.
You have to drink through the barbecue sauce rim to a vodka milkshake. And then when you're done, you swipe the McNugget around the rim.
There's a McNuggetini video, highly recommend, which was made by Peter Atencio. That's right.
Who became your director later. The director of the episode of TV I did, starring Tim Robinson.
That's from last episode. That's from last episode.
Yeah. So that changed my life completely.
It's so funny because I've heard you talk about it for a long time. I've actually never watched the video.
I didn't know it was chocolate shake. So I just was assuming it was a martini with a McNugget in it.
No, it's dinner, dessert, and a cocktail all in one. That's so much grosser than I ever imagined.
I know. And then Allie and I were on Messenger.
I was at my boring desk job. And we both were like, hey, did you get a weird message on Facebook from someone claiming to work for Food Network? And like, yeah.
And like, it's got to be fake, right? Nope. It was someone being like, do you want to make more cocktail videos? And my entire fucking life changed.
You're like, did you stand up from that desk and walk out like without a word? I flipped my computer. Kind of.
I kind of bailed on my job pretty hard pretty soon. Yeah, I would hope you would.
My whole goal was like, okay, I'm going to try this and see if I can never have to work a desk job again. And that's literally all I've been trying to do for the past 14 years is just working hard enough to not have to go back to a desk job.
Same. That minds the gap.
I mean, the music's great, but I can't go back. I feel you.
Okay, let's get into our stories. Here's Karen covering the 1980 murder of Sister Margaret Ann Paul.
Hey, Karen, I want you to picture yourself going for a drive. What comes to mind? Not ever being able to merge on any freeway in Los Angeles and potholes and crying.
Oh, yeah. Well, the truth is the road can feel like it's out to get you at every turn.

But Karen, it doesn't have to be this way. Because Hyundai's available advanced safety

technology is designed to help keep you protected from all of life's twists and turns. Their

vehicles offer available features designed to help safeguard you and your loved ones. You can change lanes with confidence thanks to the available Blindspot View Monitor, which actually shows you a live video feed of your blind spots.
The standard forward collision avoidance assist can help prevent or mitigate accidents by alerting you of imminent collision. Oh my God, this happens to me all the time.
And automatically applying the brakes if you don't. This is needed.
Hyundai vehicles are equipped with a standard driver attention warning system, which constantly monitors your attention levels. Oh my God.
Once detected, it sounds alerts and visual cues to help bring your focus back to the road. Oh my God.
I mean, get this for me right now. With available class-exclusive safety features, Hyundai helps to keep you safe so you can enjoy the drive.
Learn more about Hyundai at HyundaiUSA.com or call 562-314-4603 for complete details. That's H-Y-U-N-D-A-I-U-S-A.com or call 562-314-4603.
Goodbye. There are probably a billion furniture options out there.
We didn't count, but that number feels right. So how do you find the perfect piece? Easy.
You go to Article. Article believes in delightful design for every home.
And thanks to their online-only model, they have some really delightful prices too. Article makes furniture shopping a breeze with its carefully selected styles from mid-century modern to boho and everything in between.
Check out their Neera dresser. It's beautiful and practical, which is a deadly combination.
You know we're hard stans of Article on this podcast. Everyone knows that.
We're like BFFs. I mean, we couldn't rave more.
And it's because everything is so classy, so beautifully made, affordable, and so user-friendly. You don't have to have style to get stylish stuff from Article.
They do it for you. So there's no worry there.
Look at that near addresser on their website. Just go and take a look at that one piece, and you will see what we are talking about.
It is as mid-century as you could get. Seriously.
Article is offering our listeners $50 off your first purchase of $100 or more. To claim, visit article.com slash murder and the discount will be automatically applied at checkout.
That's A-R-T-I-C-L-E dot com slash murder to get $50 off your first purchase of $100 or more. Goodbye.
As the weather starts to get warmer and we can finally go places again, it's time to face a hard truth. Your travel wardrobe is not ready.
You can't bring bad fashion on your vacation. They won't let you out of the airport.
Fortunately, we all have Quince. They have high-quality travel essentials at fair prices.
With Quince, you can get quality luxury essentials without a hefty price tag, like lightweight European linen styles from $30, washable silk tops, and comfy lounge sets. And Quince also has premium luggage options and stylish tote bags to carry it all.
Everything is priced 50 to 80% less than similar brands because Quince works directly with top factories. They cut out the middleman and pass the savings on to you.
Georgia, I don't want to brag or anything, but I just got a box of three brand new Quince sweaters because I wear my $50 Mongolian cashmere sweaters that I got years ago so much that I was finally

like, I need to freshen this up a little bit. For your next trip, treat yourself to the luxe

upgrades you deserve from Quince. Go to quince.com slash MFM for free shipping on your order and

365 day returns. That's q-u-i-n-c-e.com slash MFM to get free shipping and 365 day returns quince.com slash mfm goodbye and we're back what if my eye fell up i just want this weird nerve pain in my left eye i'm actually really bummed because one of my my murders on my future list is the eyeball killer.

What if I did that tonight and it just

so happened? If that happened,

that would be like...

What was that Time Life book series where they're

like, a mother in Ohio

has pain in her hand at the same

time that her daughter gets

stabbed in the hand. I loved those.

What was the one?

Those were called... Mysteries of the Unknown

or something like that. That was definitely...

That was one of them. It wasn't

Thank you. I loved those.
What was the one? Those were called... Mysteries of the Unknown or something like that.
That was definitely... That was one of them.
It wasn't... It was like...
There was that. There was Unsolved Mysteries.
There was like the new generation of Twilight Zone. Yeah.
That was super scary. And the movie also in the 80s.
Yeah. They just basically wanted to scar us and scare the shit out of us.
And then they end up making the coolest people. That's right.
Any generation. Because we're like, we can take it.
But also, I wish... Was it called Mysteries of the Unknown? No, it was called...
Time Life Books series. Time Life Books presents...
Come on, we got this. The Paranormal or something? I bet you're right about Mysteries of the Unknown.
And there was also like tombs that they would open in Egypt and they like contained things. I fucking love Egypt tombs.
Dude. Did you know that there's a okay, global warming is causing these glaciers to melt in the Alps? Yes.
And do you know what they're finding underneath them? What? They're finding the bodies of World War I soldiers that died in a crazy battle up at the top. No.
Yeah. That is...
I love that. I know.
Archaeology is like the best. But also, what if that happens and they start finding stuff that they didn't know was there? That's why I thought you were going to go, there's pyramids in the Alps.
Oh, I thought you meant those World War I soldiers had iPhones. They all had...
Oh, Stephen found it. No, not mysteries of the criminal mind, Stephen.
No, Stephen. God damn it.
It just seemed on brand.

I was going to give your podcast a shout out,

but now you don't deserve it.

The percast doesn't deserve it.

You know what you can do to make up for this?

Buy me this book.

What is it called?

Mysteries of the Criminal Mind.

Criminal Mind.

Merry Christmas. I think mine is Mysteries of the Unknown.

I think I might be right.

It had like a...

I think you're right.

The picture was like a pyramid with lightning or something on the front. And then I'll remember all those ones of like, you can see like in the dollar bill, you can see someone's head and it's like a thing.
I think it is Mysteries of the Unknown. Mystic Places.
Ooh. Mystery of the Unknown.
There's a whole series. Yes.
That's it. There it is.
There it is. Well done.
Look. And with that, Steven immediately wins us back over to his favor.
Listen to the purrcast. That's three R's.
Purrcast. Purrcast.
Steven Ray Morris. I'm having the best time right now.
So are you, Steven. Should we start in? Yeah, I think you're first.
Is it murder time? And I'm also first because... I could just keep

going like this, by the way. I know.

Where we just never talk about murder. We just

kind of go hysterical. Peripherally

talk about murder, but not really.

But not really ever get to anything specific.

This week, Time Live series

presents

a murder that I'm

positive I

must have found either through somebody who tweeted it at us or somebody on the Facebook page.

But it's really good because as being an ex-Catholic or I guess a lapsed Catholic.

I haven't turned my back on the church.

The last couple experiences I've had at the church in my hometown were great.

Oh, because you went with your niece.

Yep.

My niece goes to Catholic school, goes to the same school I went to.

Thank you. The last couple experiences I've had at the church in my hometown were great.
Oh, because you went with your niece. Yep.
My niece goes to Catholic school, goes to the same school I went to. And the church, the way they do things is really different than the way it was done in the 80s, obviously, which is 100 years ago.
You have to be mean enough to make you pay attention or love God or something. These days days it's totally like we're all just here to support each other where I'm like what are these words? They change the words.
There's a lot of hand holding and shit. Stuff that was never even, it wasn't done when I was growing up.
Girl, today's a Jewish holiday and I didn't fucking do shit. What is it? Purim? It's Yom Kippur and I absolutely did nothing.

Don't ask me the meaning of it.

Okay.

It's about atonement, I think, right?

Yes.

I am a terrible.

I'm the Jewishest non-Jew that's ever lived.

That's really true.

You play good Jew.

Thank y'all.

But you don't do any of the homework part.

Nope.

I think it's enjoyable. And I also think it's what, in Los Angeles, I would say it's like what 98% of people are doing.
Yeah. Let's make this about me.
I'm sorry. Keep going.
Just get to the murder! Yeah. Okay.
I'm sorry. No, I'm not yelling.
No, I know. You're right.
So, but I say all this because my murder this week is about a priest named Gerald Robinson. Now, normally, I love a serial killer.
I love a process killer. I love somebody who maybe one of his eyes got poked out and he's upset.
And, oh, there was a really good TED Talk. Somebody posted on the Facebook page.
Sorry, sidebar. There's a really good TED Talk where a guy talks about how people become like the mind of a serial killer.
And he talks about violence, experiencing violence at a young age and head trauma. Fuck yeah, he does.
And I loved that. So anyway- This episode's called Sidebar Nation.
Become a citizen of Sidebar Nation. Don't fight us anymore.
We know you like murder. Everybody does.
Join the religion of Sidebar Nation. Because it's fun to have ADD.
Well, hold hands and we'll talk about it. And there will be crying.
So normally, one-off murders do not interest me. There has to be insane extenuating circumstances for me to be like, oh.
Because I have that feeling like, well, that's just a thing that happens. Somebody loses their shit and all of a sudden attacks another person.
Or somebody pushes someone over and they hit. We're very fragile, delicate people.
Like that happens. It happens.
But you like the shit that's like... like planned.
Right. I like the stuff that's from a movie that's, but actually happened in real life.
See, I think I'm the opposite where I'm fascinated by the like, you did these things without even realizing you were going to murder someone or like you were going to, this was going to happen. This thing was building up inside you.
That's what you like? It wasn't even building up. It just, this fucking snap decision you made ended up in these circumstances and you murdered someone without even fucking under, like if you could go back and be like, I was murdering this person and I just wanted to show them how angry I was or I just reacted in a way that I'm not, because I'm not good at controlling my anger.
I wouldn Yeah. I wouldn't have done them, but I did them.
Like, that's why I like one offs. You like, okay.
That makes sense. Well then you, Georgia, this one is dedicated to you.
Thank y'all. This one's going out to Georgia tonight.
Hey Georgia, Karen just wants you to know. I'm the lady from coast.
Local jokes get local work. All right.
This is priest Gerald Robinson. So so this is fucked it's a one-off but it's crazy fucked it has all these elements to it where i'm like i i couldn't find let's let's be honest karen didn't find i'm sure that it's possible to find all these super detailed parts the correction cornerrection Corner next week.
Many of you will. This will go on

and on.

But I'll just give you what I know.

So

on April 5th, 1980,

what a time.

Music, TV.

We had all of them.

There was so much great stuff happening in our

culture. But in Toledo,

Ohio, at the Toledo Mercy

Hospital, in the

Thank you. We had all of them There was so much great stuff happening in our culture But in Toledo, Ohio At the Toledo Mercy Hospital In the sacristy of the chapel Which is up where they keep The body of Christ, amen I believe I think that's where Like up near the altar I think that's the sacristy Or maybe the sacristy is.
Happy Yom Kippur, everyone. They find a fellow nun finds the body of Sister Margaret Ann Paul.
And she had been stabbed 31 times. Holy shit, that's a lot.
She had initially been attacked from behind. She was hard of hearing.
So her killer snuck up on her, took a piece of cloth, wrapped it around her neck and choked her so hard that he broke two bones in her neck. Holy shit.
Then she was placed on the floor while she was dying. She was covered with an altar cloth and then she was stabbed nine times over the heart in an inverted cross shape.
That's right. And then the cloth was removed and she was stabbed in the chest, neck and face 22 more times.
What the fuck? Why take the cloth off? That doesn't make any sense. I mean, then the killer smudged blood on her forehead as if he was anointing her with that blood,

which is so creepy to me, the Catholic.

Then he pulled her dress above her chest.

Not cool.

Then he pulled her girdle and hose down.

Not cool.

And pulled her legs apart. And they say he penetrated her with either the murder weapon,

a cross, or a finger.

I hate the murder weapon.

I hate that detail in murders.

Yeah, that's hideous.

Yeah.

And it's also especially, in this case, the police were like, well, this was a person

who intimately knew Catholic ritual and who was trying to degrade this woman in front of God and degrade the church. If she had lived one more day, she would have been 72 years old.
And I believe the next day was, what I was thinking there just then, was the next day was Easter. So she was born on Easter.
Oh, honey.

So believe the next day was what I was thinking there just then is the next day was Easter.

So she was born on Easter. Oh, honey.

So four days later, they have her funeral and Father Gerald Robinson presides over the

funeral. He was the chaplain of the hospital chapel and she was the caretaker of the hospital

chapel.

I remember his name from when you introduced the story.

Do you remember? Maybe I shouldn't have done that

and this would be more of a reveal.

Look, if I had days

and days to do this shit and I was unemployed

and stuff, oh, oh, the

presentation I would give you. Wait, then you're making

me feel bad because I have days and days

and I'm unemployed yet.

I don't care. Well, then we're both

doing great.

Two weeks later,

Father Robinson is brought in for questioning because they put it together that if it's somebody who knows Catholic ritual and it's somebody who's trying to demean her, they work together and she is known as a taskmaster. It's so funny because these articles are clearly from a while ago where

they're just right up top.

They're talking about what a bitch she is.

None is a fucking cunt. What a bitch.

And it's like,

first of all, he murdered

her. So I think he's the bigger

cunt. Ultimate.

Sorry.

The headline is

sorry. The I'm is tiny.
Is it like font eight and everything else is font 32 can we get that um she's amanda at she's amanda.com i mean at instagram uh yeah so but they talk about that she was she was a tough old bird um and maybe that made him mad and maybe he couldn't handle that or didn't like it or took it for years and years and years. But he tried so hard to take it.
But he was a man of the Lord, so I guess he just had to kill instead. So he's brought in for questioning, but he told the police in 1980 when he's brought in for questioning that somebody else had confessed to the murder.
Oh. But he didn't know who it was and he couldn't say anything else because of the bond.
That's smart. They gave him two polygraph tests, which were inconclusive.
And then they let him go. And within the year, he's transferred to a different fuck area how convenient well 23 years later so this is the coldest of cold cases yeah what year is that ritual murder of a nun in a chapel it wasn't just like a passionate murder like the fact that he did the upside down cross and then anointed the smudge.

Yes.

Like that's evil.

It's super evil.

And what's weird to me is this,

and this is the part where I do want to get into this more and learn more about it.

I bet you there's a book about this because this was during the time during Satanic Panic.

Oh, right.

In the 80s when like the McMartin daycare thing where all of a sudden this weird thing, and maybe this was before it.

And so it didn't catch that in the way that it would have other places.

But in the 80s, there's a fascinating, there's definitely books about it.

Last podcast on the left did an episode about it of satanic panic, where all of a sudden people were being accused of ritual serial murder of like occult groups and satanic groups and killing children and sacrificing children and raping children and this whole thing. They like legitimately believed in Satan that there were, you know, album, like music albums that you could play backwards that were telling people to kill children.
And it was like this insane thing. It was like a cultural phenomenon much like the evil clown phenomenon we're all experiencing now.
Which I fucking think is hilarious. It's the greatest.
It makes me happy in my heart. I don't think that they're actually trying to hurt anyone.
I think there's I would say there's 97% of it is bored high school teenage boys who find old Halloween costumes and they're like, now we have something to do tonight. But there was that one story where there was someone, there was a clown on the edge of a forest trying to offer children candy.
Yeah, but at what point is that built up by like terrified fucking, you know, parents who were like, he tried to lure my kid. And the kid was like, yeah, I totally tried.
I just don't believe it, but that's even true. I would love to know.
I think it's hilarious. There's, I say at the center of all this, there's one evil clown and everybody else is just bandwagoning on his shit.
Yeah. And they're like, don't fuck our shit up, man.
This is like good for us. But one of them is going to get shot by some fucking angry soccer dad.
Well, then it'll be over. Yeah's going to ruin it for all the rest of us who want to laugh at this.
They were actually doing that in Kern County like two years ago and people were taking video of it. And it was, it's because Kern County is up North of Los Angeles and it's basically the forest.
It's the bottom of the wilderness. Yeah.
And it's the creep there.

People would drive by and there'd just be a guy with a clown,

dressed as a clown,

but like an evil clown holding balloons.

I love it.

Just standing around by the road out in the forest area.

I feel like if I saw that,

I would crack up.

I would scream.

I would laugh,

but I would laugh out of,

out of fear,

but in the way of like,

I wouldn't be able to control myself. You'd scream, sneeze Yes.
And then you would, which by the way, people are pissed at us for talking about scream sneezers badly. Who, scream sneezers are pissed? Oh, really? Well, I've been pissed at you guys for a really long time.
And also we talked about it in a way where you could see it coming and we spoke in normal tones. Yeah.
We didn't all of a sudden scream at the top of our lungs out of the blue for seemingly no reason. So who cares what they think? Anyway, back to this murderous priest.
Go on. All right.
23 years later, a woman tells the Toledo Catholic diocese that she suffered years of ritual sex abuse by a diocesan.

I don't know if I'm pronouncing that right.

And religious order of priests during her childhood.

Holy shit.

And she named Gerald Robinson in particular.

Motherfucker.

Now these,

those accusations were never substantiated because.

Come on though.

Like why would she lie?

Well, A, why would she lie? B the it takes me straight to the lincoln credit union um thing of that that's pedophile rings happen they are crazy and upsetting and nobody wants to admit it but it has happened they do happen definitely whether that is happening because people want to dedicate their life to Satan, I don't know or think so.

And if that's what they say, it's an excuse for bad behavior.

Right. They're not religious people.
No. And, you know, with her, with it being unsubstantiated, the intimidation that you must receive when you have any allegation of this going on is so intense that why would you then move forward with trying to substantiate it? Yes, exactly.
Why would you put yourself in the hot water? You'd be like, you know what? Fuck this. I'm moving on.
Yeah. Now, I will just say this for even-keel-ness sake.

There is a possibility that the reason that she would make an accusation like that and it would be unfounded and untrue is because she had mental health issues. Okay.
That is a possibility. In no way am I accusing her of that.
I don't even know who this person is. There's no name.
And that's, of course, the first thing that gets thrown back at a person like that, that

then negates a victim's

story. So I am

in no way doing that. The other thing is, maybe

she does have mental health issues and also

isn't lying. Yeah.
You know what I mean?

Maybe her mental health issues are because she fucking

went through this thing for her. You know what I mean?

Yes. Insane people

are still fucking saying some things that are

like the truth.

Yes, they're...

You know what I mean? It's just so frustrating.

Yes.

And the idea that things don't get

substantiated doesn't mean

that they didn't happen. It's that

police cannot find proof 20 years

later. Or don't want to find proof.

Because maybe there's

no fucking involvement.

Conspiracies to the roof. My favorite murder is cracking the fucking case right now.
Get with it. By postulating.
Postulating a lot. By repeatedly postulating vaguely.
Hardcore vague postulating. That's our tagline now.
That's the new shirt. That's our hook.
Hardcore big postulating. Okay.

But then the authorities in December of the same year,

so it was like six months later,

they receive a letter about the woman's allegations

and they reopen the investigation into Sister Margaret Ann's death.

So basically somebody at the Catholic diocese

heard this woman's story and believed her enough

or felt enough about it

Thank you. So basically somebody at the Catholic diocese heard this woman's story and believed her enough or felt enough about it to send a letter to the cops to say, I think this needs to be looked into in some way.
And they did. And that's why that Sister Margaret Ann's death got, the case got reopened.
And the name that they find is Father Gerald Robinson. That's the, they there's a, there's a man named in this crazy quote unquote crazy story of ritual priest molestation.
And then when they go to open this 20 year old murder case, he's the, he's the one guy that works there and he's there. So then they start looking into it and they start, they look at, I think, I'm not sure exactly how they hook this up, but I love this.
There was a very light indentation on that altar cloth that got put on her that had a little picture of the US Capitol. And it was the medallion on a letter opener that they found on his desk.
Oh my God. And then they took that letter opener and they put it and compared it to her wounds.
It didn't match, right? It matched. Not only did it match, it matched like a key in a lock, quote unquote.
Holy shit. So then they go and talk to him.
And it's said that when they brought him in for questioning again, this is now in 2004, I think. He's brought in for questioning.
They talk to him a little bit. He denies everything.
And when he leaves, the camera catches him. He's whispering to himself and saying things like panic word, you know, like he's clearly praying.
He's saying like, holy Jesus. And it's little things that they can't pick up the whole thing, it's I can't find the quote here.
That's crazy. So basically it's a bit of a Robert Durst moment where he doesn't realize he's still being filmed and he's alone freaking the fuck out.
Freak the fuck out to yourself everyone. Yeah exactly.
Just stare straight ahead yeah try to keep your eyes open as wide as possible do not blink don't blink no matter what um but i feel like that's the thing of if you were look if you were looked at for a murder and uh you were not guilty of that murder and then they brought you back in 20 years later. Yeah.
There's no need to pray in a panicked manner. No.
After the cops leave. No.
I mean, you might be upset or whatever, but you don't... What are you freaking out about? Yeah.
I demand to know. You have to tell me.
So, essentially, they figure out that Father Robinson was angry about Sister Paul's domineering ways, that they'd worked together for a long time, and that he basically snapped. Also, the fact they were having Easter services at that chapel.
So maybe something specific happened or the pressure was building or they had to work together more than often. Yeah.
More than usual, I mean. To me though, the level of overkill.
Oh my God. Building up.
So crazy. Yeah.
And it also indicates like if you're a priest, I mean, I understand that you would be very familiar with things like inverted crosses. Yeah.
to stab To stab an inverted cross into an old woman's heart is pretty fucking extreme. What if he was stabbing her from her head? Maybe it wasn't inverted in his mind.
No, it's the shape of cross. Okay.
They think, one of the theories is that he was trying to make it look like some outside total creep. Which means he thought about it beforehand.
Yeah. Like, that's what's crazy is like those little aspects of like, that he, that means he thought about it beforehand.
Yeah. And also that doesn't sound like someone who's first and only, it was his first and only kill.
No, it really doesn't. No, it doesn't.
I mean, for, for things that I've read, it absolutely doesn't because if you kill someone, if you snap and kill someone and stab them a bunch of times, but you don't, you don't have the presence of mind to do shapes, shapes and designs and shapes thing on the forehead also putting the cloth on and then taking it off like you would do one or the other it means something yes and it's it has meaning to you yeah and it is a ritual to you yeah you this priest like he can't see her while she's still alive but he's fine seeing her and stabbing her when she's dead. You know what I mean? But the cloth was on when he did the inverted cross.
Yeah, so she was probably alive during that and then she was dead and so he could take it off and kill her and stab her more, which is creepy. Yes, then he knows he's stabbing a dead body.
And then a priest 22 times takes her clothing off. It's like, if you just wanted to kill her, then just do that.
But then going through this to make it look sexual. And people who try to make it look sexual so that they think it's someone else are still doing this fucking crazy sexual thing.
Yes, that's right. Right? Yes.
There's so many questions that I have. And I'm the one that looked up the story.
Thank God. No, no, no.
I mean, these are questions that only he can answer. Right.
These are not questions that we can... Yeah, I mean, because they didn't...
He filed appeals. He pled not guilty.
He filed appeals. The jury convicted him in like six hours.
He was convicted of... They reduced the charge from aggravated murder to just regular murder.
But then he just was in jail for the rest of his life and died there. And they convicted him on my birthday in 2006.
Happy birthday. Was that a good birthday for you? Let's see.
I swear to God, like these last, I would say eight birthdays, I have almost no memory of. That's probably good.
I mean, it's all the same. When you get to my age, girls, guys, when you get to my age.
I'm taking a photo of you right now because Alice is like sitting next to you,

just listening to you intently.

He's my good friend.

Yeah.

So that's that.

Don't have any makeup on.

No, you look great.

I have work face.

Priest Gerald Robinson, probably not in heaven right now.

Might be in purgatory.

Good chance he's in hell.

Most likely. Oh, Jews chance he's in hell.

Most likely.

Oh, Jews don't believe in hell.

Oh, well.

Depends on which Jew you ask.

He's, he's, you know where he is?

For all the Jews out there,

he's waiting in line at the Cheesecake Factory and he cannot get seated.

That sounds anti-Semitic.

I just can't figure out how.

Is it racist? No, I don't care. No, I don't care.
No, I do. I do.
I do. I'm anti-Semitic.
All right. That was good.
Thanks. That was fucked up.
I know. That was fucked up.
So it was good. Okay, good.
Okay, we're back. Happy Yom Kippur to everybody.
And happy Purim when that is relevant. Okay, do you have any updates, Karen? There are no updates on this case.
It's one of those that's old, it's done. It's just the kind of thing that gets reported on.
I do have information that's equally as important. I know what the sacristy of a chapel is now, and it is what I thought it was.
It's the dressing room of the church. It's the backstage area.
Like the green room. Yeah.
I think I called it backstage. Backstage.
Where all the vestments and the sacred items and the liturgical supplies are stored, and where the priests get ready before church, basically. Me, me, me, me, me.
Like, God, God, God, God, God. I love New York.
I need New York. I love I need unique New York.
Also, I want to talk about this. And thank you, Alison Agosti, for including this piece of information.
We talked about this clown panic that actually happened during 2016. That's right.
Very real. Just a person standing on a corner in a clown costume at night, right? Holding an axe.
That's the part that sucks. There was an element to it that was very intentionally threatening.
And once one, it was like it would happen in one state and then it would start happening in others. Someone was like, some teenager was like, great idea.
And they would go do it themselves. Because it would go on the news and then they would show the video of like someone in a car passing a clown holding an axe just standing on the side of the road.
Now, do you think that's legal? Like, without the axe, fucking fine, whatever, loitering. But with the axe, is that like threatening someone's life? I don't know.
With a deadly weapon kind of thing. Is it about like how high up you're holding that axe? Right.
An angle? Right. Are you a smiling clown? Are you a crying clown? Are you just picking your nails with that axe? No big deal.
Trying to get some broccoli out of your teeth? Sure. You're fine.
Oh, God. So let me just tell you a little bit about this very real evil clown panic of 2016.
Okay. So the president of the World Clown Association, Randy Christensen, actually had to come out and condemn this trend, noting the negative effects on legitimate clown performers and related businesses.
He said, we're full of people that love children, bring smiles and want to help people laugh and bring comic relief. The people dressing up are trying to scare people.
No professional clown would ever take part in anything like that. At this time, McDonald's even limited Ronald McDonald appearances at any kind of live event.
Wow. That's how scared people were of clowns.
When you have influence over at McDonald's, like, good job.

Good job.

And then it came back briefly in 2017 because the It Chapter 1 came out.

Right.

Which is kind of hilarious.

And then it just went away.

And then it just went away.

So weird.

What were they distracting us from?

This is how it's all working, people.

Who was behind the mask?

That's a circus.

Stop eating your bread. Okay, now it's time for Georgia's story about the Gage Park stabbings.
Hey, Karen, I want you to picture yourself going for a drive. What comes to mind? Not ever being able to merge on any freeway in Los Angeles and potholes and crying.

Oh, yeah. Well, the truth is the road can feel like it's out to get you at every turn.

But Karen, it doesn't have to be this way.

Because Hyundai's available advanced safety technology is designed to help keep you protected from all of life's twists and turns. Their vehicles offer available features designed

to help safeguard you and your loved ones. You can change lanes with confidence thanks

to the available Blindspot View Monitor, which actually shows you a live video feed of your

Thank you. features designed to help safeguard you and your loved ones.
You can change lanes with confidence thanks to the available Blind Spot View Monitor, which actually shows you a live video feed of your blind spots. The standard forward collision avoidance assist can help prevent or mitigate accidents by alerting you of imminent collision.
Oh my God, this happens to me all the time. And automatically applying the brakes if you don't.
This is needed. Hyundai vehicles are equipped with the standard driver attention warning system, which constantly monitors your attention levels.
Oh my God. Once detected, it sounds alerts and visual cues to help bring your focus back to the road.
Oh my God. I mean, get this for me right now.
With available class-exclusive safety features, Hyundai helps to keep you safe so you can enjoy the drive. Learn more about Hyundai at HyundaiUSA.com or call 562-314-4603 for complete details.
That's H-Y-U-N-D-A-I-U-S-A.com or call 562-314-4603. Goodbye.
A sleek professional website makes you look very put together, even when you're wearing sweatpants and eating cereal out of a mug. And that's where Squarespace comes in.
Squarespace gives you everything you need to offer your services and get paid all in one place. From consultations to experiences, showcase your services with a customizable website designed to attract clients and grow your business.
And managing those payments is a breeze. In just a few clicks, you'll be able to accept payments with options like Klarna, Apple Pay, Afterpay, and more.
You'll get paid on time with professional on-brand invoices and online payments. Plus, streamline your workflow with built-in appointment scheduling and email marketing tools.
And get discovered faster with Squarespace's built-in SEO tools. With meta descriptions and auto-generated sitemaps, you'll rank higher in search results globally.
Go to squarespace.com slash murder for a free trial. And when you're ready to launch, use offer code murder to save 10% off your first purchase of a website or domain.
That's squarespace.com slash murder, code murder. Goodbye.
Spring is in the air and that means open windows, outdoor plans, and more time away from home. All the things that burglars love.
Well, bad news, burglars. Now you can protect your home with SimpliSafe.
With SimpliSafe, millions of Americans enjoy greater security and peace of mind every time they arm their system. Traditional security systems only take action after somebody has already broken in.
That's too late. But with active guard outdoor Protection, SimpliSafe's monitoring agents closely watch your property and stop crimes before they happen.
The cameras use advanced AI to distinguish between friendly faces like family and neighbors and potential threats, alerting agents to suspicious individuals before they get close to your home. So I get that ping on my phone, on my app that tells me when there's someone like on my lawn.
I'm such an old lady. Or like, you know, walking at my driveway because I live up off the street and you shouldn't be there if you're not meant to be there.
So like if I get the ping that someone's on my lawn and I'm like, I know something's up and I can check it before they even get to the door or break in in the window. It's great.
Visit simplysafe.com slash fave to claim 50% off a new system with a professional monitoring plan and get your first month free. That's simplisafe.com slash F-A-V.
There's no safe like SimpliSafe. Goodbye.
So, all right. Since we're going to be at the Chicago Podcast Festival, I wanted to give a big up to Chicago by doing Chicago murder.
Is it the torso murders? No. Oh wait, no, that's Ohio.
Also, I want to apologize to Indianapolis. Oh, they were hurt.
I know, but they were so funny about it and it makes me want to go there. I know.
Last week I said that I never want to go to Indianapolis and everyone was just like, yeah, we get it. They were like really cool about it.

And I'm like, oh, they sound cool.

I know.

I'll go to Indianapolis.

But also to me, when you said that, you clearly were just pulling a city name out of your,

it wasn't like you've been there and you're all bummed.

No, I mean, realistically, it's Cincinnati.

One of every episode, I just name a city and piss the entire country off. No, you just, but always keep it in that area, that very contained area in the Midwest.
That realistically we're never going to go to. We are so going to go on a train tour that is Indianapolis.
Let's go to the places Georgia is kind of meh on. Up to Peoria, Illinois.
But then right back down. Pittsburgh.
You're on that list. Pittsburgh, PA.

Pittsburgh parties.

Yeah.

Pittsburgh's good times.

Is it?

Yeah.

Okay.

Yeah.

We'll be there.

Come on.

I've done some colleges.

It's true.

I've stayed at some of the best days in around this country.

I can tell you all about it.

Thank you so much.

I saw the highway and the byway.

The throughway? Can I go? Please. Okay.
I'm kidding. I don't care.
So this is... I want to stop laughing while I say what this is.
Good idea. This is the Gage Park Stabbings.
Yeah, exactly. Stabbings, plural.
Stabbings, multiple. What city did you say? Chicago.
Yeah, okay. So February 4th, 2016.
That's recent. Oh, shit.
That's right after we started this podcast. Okay.
Police are called to perform a well-being check at the Martinez family home, which is in Gage Park, which is a quiet working class neighborhood in the southwest side of Chicago. No one from the family had been seen since February 2nd, two days before.
And a coworker of one of the family members had been to the police like, what's up? So the police go and the doors to the Martinez family house are locked and there's no signs of fourth century. But once the police get inside, they discover the bodies of the entire Martinez family.
How many people? Well, are you ready for this? So Noe Martinez Sr., he's 62. He's found just inside the front door with blood all over his head and arms,

and he had had 10 stab wounds to the chest.

Noe's wife, 58-year-old Rosario Martinez,

was found inside the back porch,

stabbed 45 times in her head, neck, chest, abdomen,

including more than two dozen times in her head.

Head stab wounds, man?

I can't fucking deal with these. Those got to stab hard.
That's rage. That's crazy rage.
Their daughter, 32-year-old Maria Martinez had died of four gunshot wounds to the head. Fuck.
And their son, Noe Martinez Jr., who's 38, was found next to his sister. They were both in an upstairs bedroom.
He had 16 blunt force injuries to his head and another 13 stab wounds to the head. So here's the real sad part.
I mean, that's a bummer, but the sons of Maria, Alexis Cruz, who was 10, was discovered in the basement. And he had 11 stab wounds to the torso and 16 defensive wounds to his arms and hands.
And then 13-year-old Leonardo Cruz is found on the front porch with 11 stab wounds to the head, shoulder, and chest. Who the...
Oh, my God. So it was believed that all six were killed within about a three hour period.
And the doors- It was a nightmare. Yeah.
The doors are locked. You know, no one's been heard from since the second.
Oh, the family dog, Palusa, which is Spanish for fuzzy, was found alive inside, covered in blood, invisibly shaken. Oh, that poor dog.

I mean, Jesus Christ.

And this is like a few fucking,

like less than a year ago in Chicago.

Like a nice family.

So police originally thought it was a murder-suicide,

but the autopsy proved otherwise.

And there were three types of knives used and none of them were there. So they were like, clearly this is an, and a gun.
Then a month after the family was killed, they still hadn't found anyone. And people were like freaking out that there was some crazy killer on the loose.
So the police kind of started looking into the theory that maybe the killer or killers had, it was like a hit and they had hit the wrong home. Because the family had no ties to drugs and nothing criminal at all.
So they were starting to think that maybe because all the houses looked similar in that area, that these criminals had hit the wrong home, which is fucking terrifying. Horrifying.
The cops said it's possible they targeted the wrong home for whatever reasons. They were to get into a residence there the family was targeted but whether it was domestic related or possibly a mexican cartel remains unclear they said let's see okay so those were the initial theories um then eventually they started thinking that the family had been specifically targeted because Maria Martinez, who they thought was the main target, had been shot rather than stabbed.
So they were like, that's fucking weird. So around three months later, while the whole neighborhood's freaking out, the detectives get a tip that the 22-year-old nephew of Maria's ex-husband had shown up the day after with noticeable injuries.
His name is Diego Uribe

and detectives get a DNA sample of him from him. A few weeks later, his DNA matched the blood under Maria's fingernails and phone records also placed Diego Uribe in the area when the murders occurred.
22-year-old

fucking nephew. What the fuck?

Yeah.

So on May 19th, 2016, the Chicago police announced first-degree murder charges against Uribe saying he had killed all six of them, including the two children in a robbery that had turned into a massacre, although it seems like he had wanted to kill them in addition to rob them. Yeah.
You don't, no, that's, you don't kill six people. You don't kill two fucking children because it's like a robbery gone wrong.
No. And his girlfriend, Japheth Ramos, who was 19, was also charged.
So it seems like Martinez, who was close to the boys and close to the family, they let him into the house because they knew him and he was there a lot. And he had gotten into an argument with Maria upstairs and had shot her first.
And then her brother, Noe Jr., goes upstairs after hearing the shots and he beats him to death with a gun. Then the mom, Rosero Martinez, goes upstairs.
She gets killed next. And then he found the boys and he made them get cash and Xbox and other valuables from various rooms in the house after he had killed their family.
And then he took the boys, Alexis, to the basement, stabs him to death, and murders the other boy while he begs for his life. He's a fucking animal.
Yeah, and he's admitting, like, they admitted to all of this. Oh, my God.
And then he waits for the grandfather to get home and kills him on the porch so they ariba um ariba and ramos made off with an xbox about 550 in cash and jewelry and then they pawned for about 150 bucks um and they said it was because they needed money for milk and diapers for their son as well as a car. And so she's not...
They don't think she actually killed anyone, but they think she was a, quote, active participant. So she was there, like, fucking cheering him on.
Holding people down and shit. Yeah, probably.
But they both confess. They're both charged with first-degree murder, held without bail.
But so they said they needed it for money, but apparently there was tension between Uribe and Maria Martinez because when Maria divorced Uribe's uncle, he had a quote, a lot of anger over how she had treated him. But another family member said that the uncle was super controlling of Maria and didn't allow her to take showers, put on makeup or leave the house without his permission.
So he hates her. But meanwhile, she's in this crazy controlling relationship and finally gets out of it.
So yeah, they're being charged with first degree murder. All the victims are going to be buried in Mexico.
The Mexican consulate of Chicago is assisting in moving the bodies back to Mexico. That's fucking Chicago in February.
And I had never heard of it. I've never heard that.
That's huge. Also, it's fascinating.
You kill six people of your family and you have the foresight to lock the door when so confusing. Yeah.
That you're, that they would assume all these weird things. Yeah.
Oh my God. But the weird detail to me too, is that, that he waited for the grandfather to come home because he wanted there to be a couple of days in between the bodies being found.
And he knew that if he just left without killing that grandfather, who was probably home every night, then he would come home to these bodies and it would be a quicker fucking discovery. I mean- So he waits for him, kills him, and locks the doors.
Also, what brand of psycho are you when you can kill all those people? Like, I it's upsetting to hear about it, much less he did it and then took a break and then did a little bit more so that he could fucking have what? $500? It clearly isn't about that because it doesn't make any sense. You can rob the family without murdering them all, But I think he went over there with the intention of killing them so he could rob them, which if he kills her first by shooting her.
And then you would think he would stab her because he's so angry with her and then shoot the others. Wait, did they say anything about drugs? There was no drugs involved.
What the fuck? Neither of them had a record. The girlfriend had been arrested once for shoplifting or something, like minor shoplifting.
Wow. But it's just, yeah, it's like you don't even rob strangers.
You rob these two kids that you used to go over and play video games with and befri be, and be friended that were younger than you and you can kill them. Like that's psychopath.
That's to me. Yeah.
It's like these, it's just these crazy circumstances that you become this or are always a psychopath and nobody knows about it. Yes, exactly.
That family's like, come on in. Oh, it's cousinousin Ricky or whatever the fuck his name is.

We're going to do... Good Things?

We need a Good Things moment.

We need like a Good Things theme song

so we can both lay down for a minute.

Podcast.

Fuck.

I guess my good thing is being yelled outside. Well, being in San Francisco was so much fun.
Wait, did it rain while you were up there? No, it was actually too hot. I know.
It was like 90 something. Oh shit.
People must have been naked. When the sun comes out and it's like 78 in San Francisco, people are like, my shorts.
Like it's the funniest thing in the world. The first thing we did was get falafels from Truly Mediterranean and sit in, what's that park called? The, is it the one that's up near the Haight? Yeah.
Yeah. No, not Golden Gate Park.
Anyways. No, no, no.
But there's a part, that's like if you go down toward the lower height. Yeah.
It was just full of like college kids and no clothes and like everyone was getting high and it was just like super sweet. Yay.
Yeah. So fun.
So I think that the highlight of my week was that getting... That was my first time like getting yelled at by a stranger about the podcast that's the best yeah it was really nice out of car I know thank you to whoever that was um what was how about your the best moment of your week Karen I mean I have to say the going to watch never not funny live was awesome because those guys are so hilarious and it was And Edie McClurg was there.
She was just there to watch the show. She's legendary.
You may know her as the school secretary from Ferris Bueller's Day Off. She's a righteous dude.
She's so cute. She's been in over a thousand movies.
They were looking at her IMDb and talking about her. Is she the cutest though? Yes.
And she got up to walk to the stage cause they heard she was there and then they invited her up to say hi. And she couldn't see because she was up in the back and it was super dark.
So I went and got, grabbed her hand and walked her up. And that's when Jimmy gave us the shout out.
Did he give us a shout out or just say something about it? No, he doesn't, you know, he's like, he talks like he's, you know, like he he's always talks like he's a professional radio man. Oh, right.
So, he actually was like, Karen Kogara from the My Favorite Murder podcast and then he started pretending he was mad about it. Riffing on you.
It was really awesome. That's so sweet.
Yeah, that was good. But it also made me happy because like, after a long day of work, sometimes going to a comedy show is like the best thing in the world.
Yeah. Instead of just going home and being like, I'm tired.
I'm going to try to watch some show that I will fall asleep no matter what in five minutes. Going and watching my friends be hilarious and say the best things and riff shit.
It's life affirming. Plus, I know that you're a quick makeup in the car person.
And I feel like sometimes being forced to put makeup on makes you feel better.

You know what I mean?

Yes.

Like that's what I do. When I go work at cafes during the day now, I have eyelash extensions.

I make myself put on makeup because I will immediately have a better day,

like feel better about myself.

Yes.

There was for like five years when I was in my, what I like to call now the hermit phase,

which is infuriating because anytime I did a podcast or anything,

I would remember when I got there,

And I're going to make me take a fucking picture. I always forgot.
Yeah. But for a long time, I just wouldn't.
I'd be like, what for? Who cares? Like, who's going to see me? It doesn't matter. And then just recently, yeah, just to go and be somewhere and just kind of feel like I'm out and I'm in the world and I'm of the world.

Yeah.

Putting on some fucking a nice liquid eyeliner.

Yeah, a nice rosy like tint, lip tint.

A lip tint that will stay for a couple hours.

Yeah.

Keep you young and fresh looking.

Yeah.

Yeah.

It's a good... Glossier?

Can we get another ad, please?

Glossier? Glossier? How about you represent us as we represent you all goddamn day long? Shilling our package. Shilling.
Shilling. Shilling it.
Shilling. Shilling.
Mind in our business. Thanks for listening to My Favorite Murder.
We love you for loving murder like we do. Yeah, you guys are the best.

Thank you, murderinos. Thank you for your support and

stay sexy. Don't get

murdered. Elvis, you want

a cookie? Cookie. Want a cookie?

Elvis, you want a cookie?

Cookie. Come on, cookie boy.
Elvis.

There he is.

Oh, he's fucking like, pay me,

bitches.

Bye. there he is oh he's fucking like pay me bitches bye okay we are back do you have um updates on this case i have a few updates when i covered this case the murders had taken place earlier that same year so the trial hadn't happened yet so in november 2022 a jury found Diego Uribe guilty of six counts of murder.
He was sentenced to life in prison and provided no further explanation for why he targeted the poor members of his own family for robbery and murder, which is just so confounding. Japheth Ramos, Uribe's girlfriend, ended up testifying against him, and she made a deal with prosecutors for a lesser charge of armed robbery in the hope that she would one day be able to be with her son, who was barely a toddler at the time.

Like, what a waste of... Heartbreaking.

Yeah.

In December 2022, she was sentenced to 25 years in prison.

Ugh.

That's the end.

Man.

Well, we should put the photo of you. It's so cute.
and elvis oh me and elvis really being best friends you've got this this like welp look on your face yeah that's me being like uh oh do i have another job to go to now um i love that let's we're gonna post it on instagram so check that out uh that's the real crossover of when i started to realized you can't ever not wear makeup. Oh, yeah.
You can't. No, you look so cute and the long hair.
Elvis looks a little like disappointed. Here's what I loved about Elvis and his company.
He would just come and be like, I'll be near you now. Yeah.
I'll give you my presence and you could feel it but he wouldn't. It's like he doesn't really want you to pet him.
No, I don't want this on your lap. I don't need to pet me.
I'm like, I just want to be part of this. Yeah, he really was such a part of it for so long.
Like a boy. All right.
So I like that episode. Yeah.
Those are good. I do too.
So it was originally titled Sidebar Nation. It's just because we can't stop going off topic, off topic, off topic.
The whole podcast should be called Sidebar Nation.

Yeah.

Actually, there should be like a, what's it called? Spinoff. It'll be a spinoff where two young women play us.
Lip sync it. Two drag queens, lip sync it.
Call it Sidebar Nation. Oh, I'd love that.
But if we were naming it today, maybe we would call it the hurricane episode just because of everything happening quickly at the top of the episode. Yeah, there's a bunch of action.
Or we could call it Cools for Fools, which Georgia tried to tell the story of what happened to her in front of McDonald's and saying that she tried to play it cool but couldn't play it cool. You were jumping up and down.
I was. I'll never play it cool.
That's just not me. No.
Cools for Fools, baby. Yeah.
Well, thank you, guys. You're cool.
Thanks for listening to Rewind. Yeah, Thanks for being here with us and continuing on.
We do this every week on Wednesdays, just looking at old shows. And I don't know.
I guess we're just podcasting forever. So join us, please.
And stay sexy. And don't get murdered.
Goodbye. Elvis, do you want a cookie? Finals.

The most fear-inducing word in a college student's vocabulary. But a little extra help can make a huge difference.
So from now through May, ChatTBT Plus is free. Meaning no limits on all the ways you can ask ChatTBT to help you.
Help quiz you on an entire semester worth of your notes. Help describe Keynesian economics with charts and graphs for a visual learner.
Help design a meal plan to keep you energized through the week. And help land a summer internship when finals are finally done.
ChatTPT Plus, free for college students through May. Restrictions apply.
Comcast Business helps retailers become seamlessly restocking, frictionless paying favorite shopping destinations. Thank thank you for shopping it's how nationwide restaurants become touchscreen ordering quick-serving eateries and how hospitals become the patient scanning data managing health care facilities that we all depend on with leading networking and connectivity advanced cyber security and expert partnership comcast business is powering the engine of modern business, powering possibilities.
Restrictions apply. I feel so alone.
I'm embarrassed to talk about it. How can I help my kid if I can't help myself? I can't remember when I wasn't stressed.
I don't want to just play inside. When you feel overwhelmed by your thoughts and emotions, it's okay to get help.

You are not alone.

CalHOPE is here for you with free, safe, and confidential mental health resources for youth, young adults, families, and you.