Trinyvale X Strahd - Ep. 1: Into the Mists

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This is a head gun podcast.

Welcome

to Trinivale.

Trinival.

Oh, amazing.

It's like a sonic sound bath.

My body is purified.

I'm free of microplastics.

How horrendous that when you said sonic bath, I pictured the hedgehog.

I pictured Sonic in a warm bath.

In a warm bath.

This podcast.

Gamer hog bath water.

He's somewhere.

He's fucking missing.

He's not in this adventure currently.

You don't know what's going to happen.

Anything could happen.

Hey, I could get a familiar.

Another one.

Anything could happen because you are now in my world, the world of of Trinivale.

I am your humble dungeon uncle, aka Dunkel, and I'm so excited to welcome you to another adventure in the lands of Trinivale and beyond.

Yes.

But, friends, I shan't be journeying alone.

For this brand new series, I am joined, as always, by my good friends, Brian Murphy.

Jens is back, back again.

Jens Lindell.

Tell the friends.

Jens Lindell.

That was actually fun.

Can I do that too?

Yeah.

Yeah.

Okay.

Yeah.

Emily acts for.

Onyx back.

Back again.

Onyx back.

Tell a friend.

Do you know the song?

No, I don't really.

Onyx Lumiere.

I've created a monster.

And Jake Hurwitz also back.

Nyak's back.

No.

Hey, back again.

All right.

This has been my.

Nyak's back.

Tell a friend, everybody.

Nyak of the Ranafore.

Yeah, Nyack made the most sense because Nyack and back rhyme.

So honestly, like, everything else was just kind of like prelude prelude to that.

Okay.

So Jake nailed it.

I'm bringing Nyack back.

You just ruined it.

I'm bringing Onyx back.

I can only do other people's ideas.

I'm in Onix mode already.

And so it'll follow us.

This sweater had so little thread on it to begin with, guys.

So as I mentioned, today's adventure features characters hailing from the world of Trinivale.

If you're less than familiar with this campaign, here is all you need to know.

Our heroes, Jinz, the Elven Bard, Nyak, his shirtless half-elf half-brother, and Onyx, a social media warlock from the moon,

started out their journey as normal adventurers.

However, as time went on, these three realized that being noble warriors was super boring and decided to become unrepentant shitheads instead.

Not quite villains, but certainly not heroes.

And so, after defeating the Big Bad and saving their world, these three, who are affectionately known as the Trinavale Triplets, have been taking a well-deserved break and vacationing in various realms throughout the multiverse.

Getting those jet blue points.

Gotta rack up them, blue boys.

True blue.

From Bahumia to Sonic the Hedgehog's homeworld of Mobius, no world is safe from the triplets and their toxic touch.

And today, friends, is no different.

Wow, baby.

We join our debatedly heroic heroes on the first evening of their stay at the multiverse's most luxurious resort hotel, the Night Lotus Inn and Spa.

Built on a hot spring oasis in the middle of the frozen realm of Icewind Dale, the Night Lotus offers world-class spa treatment, a breathtaking view of the singing stars above, and of course, lavishly appointed yurts, enchanted to be bigger on the inside.

That's right, friends, you've got your very own Leomon's girthy yurt.

Woo!

It's so clear the way this is being cut at the Dark Lotus that Jens is the one that's going to be murdered.

He's just being so rude to everyone and making so many enemies.

Onyx is like the special boy who's like

finding beauty in the snow.

Yes.

Wait.

Do you take fuck?

What are you, some kind of author stand-in?

Get over here, Onyx.

And Nayak is thinking about helping a married couple swing and cuck a husband.

All noble pursuits.

So, yes, you've spent your first day at the Night Lotus engaging in various wellness regimens and duplicitous schemes.

I see a stressed-out dad steal a gun, and I go, Should we have old-fashions?

I drink with that guy.

But now, the singing stars above are beginning to hum, signaling the day's end.

I think they're actually singing the White Lotus theme song this moment.

Yes,

wow, it's a bird's night.

So, you all make your way back towards your yurt.

And as you do, I'd like you each to tell me how you spent your day.

You've already started that, but

which of the regiments did you partake in?

What did you do?

What were you thinking about as you just detoxed and unwinded on this vacation?

Anyx has been admiring the scenery, but through her camera on her cell phone.

So I'm like gasping, being like, in touch with nature, but it's through my cell phone.

phone just falling over various short fences yeah and nayak um tried acupuncture uh laid down on the bed uh got stuck with a few needles and got stressed out about how much it hurt so he left and he still has like a back full of little things

sonic the hedgehog style yeah right exactly here high attack

and jens is upping the chances that he will be the one who's murdered.

He went and got a massage.

He saw the masseuse and someone else talking earlier, so thought they might have been in a relationship, but saw a third person that might be sort of a love triangle situation, and he's telling the masseuse about the other two people that he saw and just the connection that they had.

Oh, we actually have a bit of like a confidentiality thing going on, so we don't really need to hear that sort of thing, sir.

I just enjoy it.

I enjoy talking about it.

And that's great.

That's great for you because we want you to enjoy yourself with the children.

this like raw sexuality between the two of them it seemed really interesting i often find that when i'm focused on like when the material things and connections, I just look up at the stars and then I walk back towards my house.

I also got this phone.

I'm going to give it to that dad, if that's okay.

I walk over to the drunk dad and give him a phone.

Seems like things at home are pretty tough, huh?

I got a lot going on.

Yeah, anyway, I have like three secret families.

It's nice to meet you.

So, anyway, you have three drinks with this guy and then wander back to your yurt drunken lady.

Oh, sir, you forgot your gun.

Couldn't hurt to have a second one.

So you all enter the yurt, and inside you see your robotic friend Keychain is busy mixing up drinks.

Oh, whoa!

Oh my god!

How did you get in here?

Where have you been?

I came on the vacation with you.

You made me sit in the luggage area.

Oh, right.

They don't like dogs on Ziplights.

We're splitting this four ways, right?

Yeah, I guess you're splitting it four ways, even though it's just got the one room.

What do you think a dog is?

You know what?

Never mind.

I have something to show you.

Hi, Pets, Keychain.

Bad boy, Keychain.

Very bad boy.

Keychain, you're a bad dog.

What do you want?

You're a bad boy.

His antenna ears perk up and then go down.

Keychain, no.

Keychain, no.

Stop.

Down.

Keychain.

I think he's getting horny.

Stop.

Keychain, leave it.

Leave it, Keychain.

Keychain, you're not allowed to get horny.

What is happening?

Tell us what's going on.

Don't hunt me.

You'll just drive these pins deeper.

Oh.

Look, Keychain, you're upset.

Have a gun.

Have three old-fashions, keychain.

Where do you keep finding these?

I don't know.

They're everywhere.

There was a security guard.

Seems like he was supposed to use it or something.

I took it from him.

Well,

okay, sure.

Yes, you see, Keychain takes the gun, puts it in his head along with some chopped fruit, various liquids, and ice.

He closes the hatch on top of his head, presses a button, and his whole body starts vibrating loudly.

Bad dog!

Bad dog!

I thought you got you, Fitz.

You bad dog.

I spritz keychain.

We have to stick his nose in it.

Ow.

He bites you.

Ow!

Ow!

Did anyone see that?

The dog attacks.

No, I was looking at my phone.

We have to put him down.

There's no other way.

I think it's seven, probably he misses you.

So he attempts to bite you and just takes a chunk out of the bar.

I still scream ow.

The gun falls and goes off.

Whoa!

Did you try to jump in front of Sibela?

No, it's just...

It's been a...

Wow, this vacation.

What I was trying to say was I took a mixology class today called The Alchemy of Imbibing.

And what can I say?

I think I'm becoming a bit of a Bartificer.

Oh, okay.

More like Bartificer.

Because you are a Argon.

That's good, Alex.

That's hilarious, Alex.

Because you are a dog.

Mayak rolls on the ground laughing, stabbing himself with the pins really badly.

Jen just folds his arms and says, that was really good, Alex.

Keep doing that.

Go on, dog.

Speak, dog.

You know what?

I think I can work with that.

You see, he has like a little tap built into his.

Keechen's tail.

I squint him behind the ears.

Go on.

Go on.

See, a little antenna comes out of his butt, and it looks exactly like a tail, and it just starts wagging.

That's disgusting.

I love dogs, but I hate their tails.

Can we cut it off?

We tried to do that to one of these balls, but he still gets horny.

Yeah, he still gets horny.

Keechan, what were you saying?

Something about making drinks or something?

Yes.

He twists a little tap built into his stomach, and you see a frothy liquid comes out.

He gets like a tiny little barrel.

Oh, he's coming.

It's his red rocket.

No, I'm not.

I spritz him.

It's not come.

Spritz him again.

Bad dog.

Stop coming, bad dog.

You made me install a come alarm so you know when I come.

Okay.

That's right.

Head dog.

Head dog.

Go on, you were saying something about your spout.

We haven't even gotten where we're supposed to be, and I'm already crying, laughing.

So you see, Keychain from his spout, he fills up this tiny little barrel and looks at it, shrugs, and then attaches it to his neck like a dog.

Okay.

It says, now I can carry experimental elixirs for you.

Would you like to roll a D6 and see what this one is?

Um, okay, yes, why not, I suppose?

Yeah, okay.

I got a one.

Sure.

I also got a one.

Okay, I also got a one.

Oh, that's so good.

There's no way anything bad will happen.

Did you all three get one?

Yeah.

Oh, wow, it's very simple then.

Keychain produces three healing elixirs for you.

Wow.

Yes.

You would think that the gun would give it a little more spice, but it turns out that's good for you, apparently.

Okay, great.

Healing elixirs.

What is an anti-gun but a healing healing elixir?

Thank you.

It's like when you cook one of those puffer fish and all of the poison goes out of it and then it's delicious.

That's just cruel.

I like puffer fish.

Keychain's bad dog.

Chens is a vegetarian.

I spritz keychain.

No, I only eat red meat.

I only eat mammals.

Okay, so do we hang on to these healing elixirs or do we bottom zip them?

What's happening?

Oh, go ahead.

You got it.

Kayak takes a shot.

I'm drenched in blood.

Yeah.

You can heal now, or you can hold on to them.

I guess I'll hold on to them for now.

Why not?

You could mix them with Buck Hardy and we could have a little shindino.

A little party.

Okay, yeah.

No, I'll do a little party, I guess.

Okay, so you down some elixirs right now?

Yeah.

Sure, yeah, I'll say that if you drink it right now, normally it's just a healing elixir.

Also, you can get a D8 of 10 pit points for drinking it right now.

Yeah, bottoms up.

Okay, bottom's up.

Bottom's up.

Seven.

Eight.

Fuck.

Three.

Jins, I think you got most of the gun in yours.

Yeah.

It days like Madden.

And I think I got most of the cum.

It wasn't cum.

There's an alarm.

I can't override it.

Come and come.

As you're all having a little party, loosening up after a long day of, you know, stirring the shit and also getting acupuncture.

Yeah, I'm out on a balcony and I just go, is that guy your dad?

You two look alike.

Is there some kind of relationship there?

Ah, you're fine.

I wave my hand off as the two approach each other.

We're here to bury our uncle's ashes.

Oh, oh, that season.

Okay.

Bury ashes.

Yes.

What?

Are you making fun of our cultural practice?

We dig a hole and we put the ashes in them.

And then we build a fire and we make more ashes out of that.

And then we take those ashes and we take them to another hole.

And we go around the world like that.

It's kind of a fun little travel thing.

Yeah.

Well, now that you said it's cultural, I'll leave it alone.

As well, you should.

You could do you.

These balconies are really close together.

I drank cum.

They really are.

Wow, these three women over here.

Hey, two of you are talking bad about the other one.

What's up with that?

What?

Suddenly, there's a knock on the door, and after a moment, an elf with cloudy gray skin and a flowing fur-lined cloak enters the room.

Hey, you're really not supposed to come in unless we open the door.

So sorry.

You're right.

Should I knock?

I'll go back out and I'll knock.

Yes, please knock.

Okay, please knock.

The elf flows back out and knocks on the door.

Hello?

Should we pretend not to be home?

I feel like I don't really want to see anybody.

Yeah, let's pretend not to be home.

Can I mage hand the do not disturb sign onto the door?

I really like that coat, though.

We had several gunshots going off here.

We just came to investigate.

Oh, okay.

Yeah, okay, come on in.

Yeah, no, that was that was our dog.

I opened the door.

I'm so sorry.

I didn't.

Yeah, are dogs allowed?

Well, yes, they are allowed.

They're not allowed to have firearms.

Oh, okay.

Please come in.

Come in, take off your jacket.

Oh, yeah, that's fine.

Yeah, take off.

I'll take the jacket.

You see, this elf takes off his jacket.

He's wearing just kind of like a simple kind of like dun-colored tunic underneath.

Please, take off your tunic.

Get comfortable.

Well, that's more of a uniform.

I don't know if I should be taking that off.

Jens for clients.

Jens takes the coat.

I'll go put this on the bed with the other guests.

I walk into the room and I come back out just wearing the coat and not acknowledging it.

Sorry, what were you saying?

We have that coat for sale in our gift shop if you'd like to buy it.

I don't know what you're talking about.

Maybe you should go get that.

Oh, you've already bought one.

That's your coat.

That's my coat.

I already bought it.

Correct.

Yeah, we already know what you're talking about.

Your coat, you didn't wear a coat here.

Go ahead.

Just a couple points.

Again, number one, if you're going to have firearms in the room, please just keep them where a dog can't reach.

Yeah.

That's number one.

Also, where am I manis?

My name's Reagan.

I'm your wellness representative here at the Night Lotus.

Okay.

How are we finding everything?

You know, there's a lot of people that seem really on edge, and I love that.

I think that's excellent.

I'm having the best time, and I hold it up for Instagram where I'm just scrolling through hashtags of other people's trip here.

Yeah, we've been looking at Onyx's phone a lot, and honestly, it's been great to get so much screen time.

Yeah.

Uninhibited screen time, sure.

I feel like this yurt isn't that girthy.

We paid for the girthiest yurt.

Oh, I understand.

Yes.

Well,

we have a couple of our executives staying here on the property.

So if you're not going to be able to do that.

Oh,

you can just move them.

We would be fine with that.

Yeah, we don't care about executives.

Yeah, that's fine.

I'm sure we could rearrange some things.

You know what?

Actually, if you could just

later on, come meet me at the Overseer's Mansion, and I would be happy to talk with you about that.

There's a mansion.

There is.

Well, that's more like, you know, it's the operational center of the Night Lotus.

But if you would like to come there and have a chat with me, if you have any more complaints, we'd love feedback more than anything.

Yeah, we have complaints.

Sure, yeah.

Yeah, I have a lot of complaints.

Right.

So, yeah, like, if we could just go down the bullet list, though.

Okay.

Not too many bullets, though, because, you know,

fire on the dogs and whatnot yeah that's um so i do have one little policy i want to tell you about uh while i'm here okay just to help you all with your detox because as you mentioned there's a lot of stress floating around right we want as much screen time as possible right a lot of stress a lot of screen time yeah that's how we decompress we'd like to try and manage that a bit at the night lotus uh because we like to we like to have a peaceful environment here so that people can be silent and reflect and listen to the singing stars and whatnot right on instagram yeah well

if that's i do i would love to capture the the singing stars that sounds amazing Do you mind if we record you?

I just find it easier to pay attention to things when they're not.

I've been recording.

Do you mind if we post this?

I have been.

Yeah.

Of course, yeah.

You know, you are a guest, so whatever you feel comfortable doing.

I'm live.

I will say, though, I will say, if you just allow me to give you my perspective on the matter,

is we are here to help you detox, really get in touch with your personal wellness.

And as such, we do kindly ask that all visitors surrender their weapons and magic items, Speaking Stones included, during the course of their stay.

That sounds tough for the other guests.

Nyak charges, though.

Yeah, that's um, that's tough.

It's it is an optional policy, of course, but it is strongly encouraged.

And also, I will say, everyone that's done it has said that it was so worth it.

Okay, but what about all the guns?

Can we just keep our phones?

If you want to keep your phones, that's absolutely fine.

Oh, yeah, I don't give a shit about this other stuff.

I hand over

all of our expensive equipment and everything.

Yeah, because really, it's more about like a detox from like aggression and violence and a reliance on like the magical.

It's really want to find the magic within yourself.

So if you want to hold on to your phones, that's absolutely fine.

My patron is my phone, so I'm fine.

I have a phone.

I feel like we accidentally end up saving the day all the time and everything.

And if I could just get around that, that would be excellent.

Here, take my swords.

Yeah, we're tired of getting roped into being heroes.

Yeah, we're tired of getting roped in like,

oh, come save us.

The planet's about to explode or something like that.

Not looking to get into that.

I really only use the bow to protect my phone.

So

if you can assure me my phone is safe, you can have the bow.

As long as my phone is fine, I don't care.

I'm just here to get screen time.

And I'm telling you, when you go home, you're going to be talking to your friends and you're going to tell them about this full magical detox you did.

And you're just going to be so much more present now.

And you're going to say it was so worth it.

And they're going to believe you.

That's great.

So I think this is really going to be good for you all.

So you want to just pop your items in this Lehman's secret chest here and I'll put them in the ethereal plane for safekeeping.

Does that sound good?

That sounds excellent.

Thank you.

Yeah, whatever.

I empty my pockets as well as like a lot of like garbage.

Yeah.

I was hanging out.

Oh, well, we do have gobbledymes.

You need a lot of three musketeers, huh?

I'm mooted from Butterfinger, babies.

I dump my magical swords, all of my magic stuff inside of the chest, and I also take keychain and put him in the chest.

Wait, no.

Be careful with our dog.

He's not neutered.

Yeah, be careful with our dog.

If you have to put him down, just like think twice about it, but you have to.

He was neutered, but it didn't work.

Yeah, he gets so horny.

He didn't take.

I built myself new balls.

If you have to put him down, bury his ashes in the sand.

Yes, that is the tradition around here in the Olliswind Dale.

Great.

All right, so Keychain's going in there.

Great, wonderful.

Yeah.

Bye, buddy.

Wait, should we?

All right, Keichain.

Get out.

Okay, Keychain.

Keychain, get out.

Keychain, come here.

Come here.

Come here.

Keychain hops out, lands on all fours, and goes, I actually kind of like this.

Okay, don't like it too much.

Your balls will go back again.

Don't make it weird.

Yeah.

Uh-oh, I feel like I'm alarmed.

Okay.

Right.

Reagan, what were we saying?

I'm so sorry.

Right, right, right.

Yeah, yeah.

There's our detox, our swords and whatever.

Okay, so Reagan, he presses a gemstone on the key.

He sticks it into mid-air, and as he does, you see these golden veins of light trace the form of a big wooden chest.

It materializes with a soft thump onto the ground.

Once it's there, you guys dump all of your items and stuff inside of it.

Keychain briefly goes in and then hops back out after giving you some big, sad puppy dog eyes.

And then Reagan locks the chest and the key glows once more as the trunk vanishes from sight.

You see him place the key in the fold of his cloak and then produce three small envelopes.

There, you must feel so much better already.

So there's one last piece of information I need to share with all of you.

Then I will be out of your hair for the evening, I promise.

Is there a tip in there?

Excuse me.

For us?

Well, that's not money.

It's not necessary, but Nyax says, please, you don't have to, and holds out his hand.

No, no.

It's alright, yeah.

Hold on.

No worries.

Yeah, any kind of tip.

Nyak holding out his hand.

I don't know much about Trinivale is where you're from.

Yes.

What's like standard percentage tip there?

Okay, so it'd be like 50%.

50%.

Yeah.

Wow, that's

actually lower than here.

Yeah, 50%

what we spent.

All right.

I'm going going to roll in jet blue points or cash, whichever you'd like.

What I'm going to do is I'm going to have everyone roll a D100, and then we'll take the two lowest results.

Oh, okay.

39.

I also got a 39.

That's so freaking weird.

I got a four.

Oh, wait, wait.

Is that a 93 or a 39?

That's a 93.

Never mind.

I got a 93.

93.

Okay, all right.

So 39 and 4.

We'll go with the two lower.

He

slips 43 gold into these envelopes.

Okay.

Anything for August.

Yeah, that's normal.

So again, as I mentioned earlier, if you have any complaints or issues with your room or the resort, please just don't hesitate to contact me.

I'm going to be down the road at the Overseer's Manor tonight.

Okay.

If you need anything at all, just pop on down to the end of the trail.

You'll see this big gate.

Just place your keycards on the door and you'll be taken right in.

Great.

Great.

So Zetip was a little shy.

Yeah, we'll definitely see you later.

I'm so sorry.

That's just...

Well, I had more money in my coat, but I can't seem to find it anymore.

Oh, perfect.

All right, see you later.

Yeah, Yeah, you must have left it at home.

Yeah, I suppose I did.

That's so strange.

Yeah.

You know, I feel like, you know, in this place.

You're probably pretty busy, huh?

And it's kind of the color of the snow, so sometimes I just leave it places.

Yeah, that makes sense.

That's so busy, right?

I've got a lot going on.

A lot of plans.

All right.

Well,

this is awkward.

Yeah, so again, I've got a lot to do.

So I'm going to head out.

Again, you'll see your little key cards in there.

He opens up the envelopes, puts in the gold, and takes out these three thinly carved strips of blood-red jasper for each of you.

Whoa.

You see, they're embellished with the Night Lotus logo on each of them in gold.

So that's my spiel.

Sorry for yapping so much.

Anyway, any questions before I shove off?

No, I think we're good.

Yeah.

Great.

And if you see my coat, just please, like, just hop on down to the mana and let me know.

Reagan, you've overstayed your welcome.

Thank God someone said this.

All right.

Yeah, so sorry about that.

I, you know, I tend to.

Ciao, Reagan.

Yeah.

Okay, yeah, yeah.

You're alright.

Okay.

Yeah.

Have a good night.

Thanks for staying at the Not Lotus.

Okay, yep.

So Reagan pulls open the door and bows deeply.

As he does, you see a thick sheet of fog has settled on the ground outside your room.

And above, the stars seem to hum a little more softly.

Then the door swings shut, and at long last you are finally alone and free to enjoy the comforts of your girthy yurt.

What do you do for the rest of the evening?

As soon as the door closes, I talk shit about Reagan.

I just go, Was that really necessary?

That was so annoying.

Okay, I'm going to try to do his accent, okay?

Check it out.

Do it.

Oh, hi.

I'm Reagan.

It's actually pretty offensive.

Can I search the pockets for the extra money he said he had?

Yes, feel free.

Oh, where's my code?

Okay,

it's off.

It's off.

Something off reality.

You disappear into Zero.

What should I add to that?

Everybody just roll a D10.

We'll take the two lowest.

Okay.

Five.

Oh, just a D10.

Okay.

Nine.

Five.

Okay, so you find 10 more gold in there.

You also find in the other pocket just a little note that says, you're doing great, Reagan.

Don't give up.

No matter how mean they are to you, you're worth something.

I tear it up.

Yeah.

Wolf.

Woof.

Woof indeed.

Woof woof.

No barking.

Bad dog.

So as you're shit-talking, Reagan, suddenly the lights go out and you're bathed in darkness.

Okay, another thing for the complaint folder.

All right, let's go complain right now, right?

Yeah.

I turn the flashlight on my phone.

Your phone battery doesn't work either.

Okay, this is too.

Let's go.

Our key cards work.

Let's go over to the mansion.

Reagan!

Yay!

I kick down the door.

I break it, and I start rampaging

towards the mansion.

Get him, Keychain!

Sick him!

Come on!

Keychain, go bite anyone you see!

I try to rile Keychain up.

Bark, Bark.

It's open season.

I give Keychain Reagan's jacket.

Attack!

Find the scent and attack!

Keychain extends the nozzle of his nose into a kind of a canine form and starts sniffing it.

Sniff, sniff.

He went that away.

Keychain points to that trail that Reagan mentioned before.

You see, now outside, there is a thick blanket of gray fog engulfing the entire campsite.

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In the distance, crickets chirp and the stars still thrum, albeit faintly.

But the mist is piled so high now that you can barely see them.

A few thin beams of silver moonlight poke through the veil, giving you just enough light to see where Keychain is pointing.

A small trail leading deeper into the woods in the direction of the Overseer's Manor.

As you walk towards this trail, why doesn't everybody give me perception checks?

Nat 20.

Wow.

Fucking okay.

15.

25.

So you start descending into this fog, but you are so angry that your fury cuts through it and you just, with laser precision, start walking down this path.

And as you walk, for what seems like hours down this trail, you see that the stars have stopped singing.

And with every step you take, the fog grows more dense.

Okay, so much to complain about.

This fog is way too foggy.

This trail is way too long.

The crickets are so noisy.

I didn't come here to listen to bugs or to be outside or to walk.

Stars are humming too.

It roils and churns, following behind you like a cloud of regret.

Your breath grows shallow and a wave of lethargy passes over you.

You look closer and notice thick tendrils of mist gripping and clawing at your legs, like hands trying to pull you down.

You feel

lesser somehow, like pieces of you are leaking into the mist to join and strengthen this ocean of fog.

And with your incredible rolls, you also see a few other things.

You look further down the trail and you can just make out two high stone buttresses jutting from the impenetrable woods.

Huge iron gates hang on the crumbling stonework.

And set at the center of these gates, you see a large golden plaque.

It's tarnished with age, but still gleams in spots with a strange blood-orange light.

You can't make out the words or the patterns from here, but you can see that there is some sort of sigil.

Finally, with a Nat20,

as you walk, you could swear you spot a figure almost floating past you in the mist.

But you blink and they're gone.

And as you search around for this figure, you notice something else deep in the fog.

You see canine eyes flooded with moonlight.

Keep chain.

Keychain.

Bark, bark.

It's not me.

I smell them, though.

Low growls emit from blood-stained teeth as three enormous dire wolves start to close in.

Everybody, roll initiative.

Whoa, this is off leash.

Snick their butt, Keichane.

Rough, rough.

I don't know you.

18.

20, sorry.

I got a damn six.

So, you are about 30 feet from this gate that you've seen off in the distance.

You see these wolves closing in.

There are three of them.

These big, dire wolves.

They are larger than a normal wolf and kind of carry themselves in such a way.

They are apex predators, and their mouths are just foaming with blood and saliva.

And they look hungry.

Did you eat Reagan?

Onyx, you are the first to act.

Okay, Onyx goes to summon her packed weapon.

Okay.

But if our cell phone is not working,

that is our patron.

Onyx, you go to summon your patron.

You go to log into Trinstagram, but again, you have zero service.

Your phone isn't working.

You are adrift.

My followers?

They have abandoned me?

Onyx, put these dogs down.

What are you doing?

Don't you have enough bars, Onyx?

Wait, my phone?

I try to do CPR on my phone.

Come back to me.

I am not myself without you.

I don't know what I did to anger you.

I'm sorry.

I'm sorry.

Come back to me.

Please.

Post a notepad apology, Onyx.

You have to do something.

I can't even open, not pet.

Onyx begins to hyperventilate, and I think that's my action

in turn.

I didn't ask for a digital teeth dog.

We're trying to get more screen time, you bad dogs.

Bad dogs.

Gents, look at me.

I am without a dopamine.

I turned to Nayak.

We have to leave her.

She's dead.

She's gone.

Maybe nods.

This is how she wanted to go, I think.

Been by dogs while trying to give her phone CPR.

Honestly,

I wouldn't mind if you put me out of my misery.

And yeah, I'm going to use my action to hyperventilate and perform CPR on my phone.

As you're doing this, go and give me a religion check.

Another NAT 20.

Insane.

Ooh, baby.

Fuck me.

Okay.

Yeah.

Do I revivify my phone?

Fix the phone.

Okay, Onyx, with a Nat 20,

you go to try and revivify your phone.

But as you're doing this, as you're pressing, I guess, the on-off button over and over again.

Stay with me.

Stay with me.

I've never loved anything as much as you.

You give into despair for a moment, but then you realize maybe this could be good.

And maybe being off the grid could help you actually detox and connect to yourself in a way you haven't in a long time.

And then if you just rarely post, think about how much engagement you'll get.

Yeah, think about all of the clarity posting you can do when you get back.

I can be so smart.

They will all want to be me.

And as you realize that the post you make after being off the grid for a whole week or more will get you so much engagement, you feel an arcane burst of energy as a result of your incredible willpower and you have access to both your spell slots.

Do I have an action still?

I'll say that that was your action.

Okay, I have access to my spell slot.

But you can, you have your movement and you can take a bonus action if you want.

I think I will, now that I have had this sort of revelation, I'm going to move behind Jens and Nyak.

Because actually, now I am pretty important.

I am pretty sure I'm enlightened.

You're going to want to take this for me.

I have seen the truth.

What?

I'm not taking anything for anyone.

Nayak, brother, get in front.

She thinks she's better than us.

Yeah.

And she is.

What?

She's better than you, maybe.

Nyak goes to the front.

Yeah, good.

I'm glowing, but it's like I am a cell phone yeah i'm glowing like a cell phone i have to protect the alpha

all right thoughtario was the alpha no you're definitely not the alpha there's only one maybe two alphas i look at onyx and i start sweating why worship ziphone when you can become ziphone there's alpha and then there's alpha junior gems no yes and uh she's alpha junior go on nayak shakes his head brother i'm not going to be a beta cook

what stop watching the video podcast.

Courtney,

did you get reticulized?

Are you in the manosphere?

I got served some videos while I was looking at ball repair videos.

That makes sense.

Okay, so Onyx, you're feeling revived.

Your detox has begun.

That is going to bring us down to Nyak.

Nyak

needs to protect Onyx at all costs since he recognizes her as the alpha now.

I have my regular bow, just not my magic bow, or not?

You don't have any weapons right now.

I reach back behind me to grab an arrow and realize I don't have any weapons.

Do I still have one of those tiny little needles for my acupuncture?

God damn it, yes.

Yes, you do.

Yeah, you have a quiver full of needles lodged in your back.

I'll say that each needle does 1d4 of damage.

Okay, then I'm going to take an attack.

Oh my god, that's a Nat 20.

Whoa!

Acupuncture needle two big D8.

What are you guys doing?

And I have a dread ambush ability, which means if I hit on one attack, I get to attack again.

So I'll pull another acupuncture needle out, and that one is an 18 to hit.

Both of those hit.

Okay.

Yeah, Nyak, as you are moving through this mist, you feel more at home than you ever thought you would.

And you feel kind of, you feel like you could use this.

You feel like this could be your thing, lurking in the mist, hiding in the shadows.

Maybe Onyx is having this detox moment.

Maybe it's time for Vacation Nyack to come out as well.

You start to feel these new abilities and this new sense of purpose and this new kind of identity forming.

And what does that look like?

Nyack,

like cloaked in shadow, his blonde mullet.

The shadow kind of like soaks into his hair, and now I have a jet black faux hawk, like a Chris Caraba

2002 haircut, Carson Daly.

Why is everyone so alpha right now?

I'm at home in the dark.

Keychain shows you his belly out of deference.

I look at you and

my face looks like it's been face-tuned as if by a phone filter.

But I'm just like that now.

Jens shivers.

Nayax squirts a little pee on the ground for Onyx.

Jens reflexively covers his crow's feet.

You have Tagine from the Rim of a Margarita in them.

I wipe it away.

But it's a show of dominance.

19 damage.

Wow!

Shit.

Hell yeah.

Not bad for some acupuncture noodles.

Okay, so you go alpha to alpha with the wolf at the head of this pack.

You just flick some tiny little darts at them.

They kind of glint in the moonlight and strike the wolf.

That's right.

And it looks pissed and is bleeding more than you thought it would.

That is an excellent turn.

Is there anything else you want to do?

I think that's it.

Roll over and show your belly to the wolves.

To the wolves?

Nayak, may I roll in your pee?

What?

So that I smell like him, because he's the alpha.

He's not the alpha.

Oh, come on.

If anyone's the alpha, it's not me.

It's fine.

It's double junior alpha.

I blink at you.

My eyes are so big.

Yeah, I'm JB Alpha.

From an Instagram filter.

Look, she's fucking gorgeous right now.

Okay, so Nyak, yeah, you managed to pull it together, and you take on the mantle of a Gloomstalker Ranger, your new subclass.

Yes, dude.

And as you do that, this head wolf, he can tell when there's another alpha around, and he looks directly at you.

His eyes yellowed with fury, and he is going to launch in an attack.

Go ahead.

I'm not afraid to bleed.

Who is this?

That could be a cool song.

Jens just feels completely normal, just annoyed.

He's going to roll with advantage because of pack tactics.

The fog has really gotten to everyone, okay?

We're gonna get back to the room.

The lights are going to be on.

No, I belong in the shadow, brother.

We're gonna make it to Jorno.

We're gonna plug in our phones.

We're gonna watch Trinse again.

We're gonna go to bed.

Does the 17 hit?

Yes, it does.

Okay.

So that is going to be eight damage from the first wolf.

Oh, dear.

Okay.

That hurts Nayak a lot.

Okay, Jens is right.

Let's go back.

Let's go back.

Let's go back.

The other two wolves follow the alpha's lead.

They're gonna attack as well.

Okay,

24 to hit.

Rip Niyak's three.

It does.

And 14 misses.

Okay, so that's one more hit.

That's 12 more damage to you, Niak.

Oh my god, thank God for that 10th HP.

As these wolves absolutely rip into you, you feel wounds ripping faster than they should.

You feel sluggish.

You feel lethargic.

And you feel like you're having trouble catching your breath.

And as you look and you see this blood flowing freely down your naked chest, you realize something is wrong.

Something has stripped your power away.

They're coming for our life force.

Onyx, they took your phone and they're taking my blood.

I don't need the phone.

I am the phone.

And I am the blood, Nyak says, but doesn't believe it.

I'm the blood.

I am the blood.

Nayak goes to a knee.

Nyak, your wounds deepen and your breath grows ragged and you begin to realize this is no ordinary fog.

Ever since you stepped foot into it, it's been sapping away your power.

And now, all three of you have been reverted to level three.

No!

Don't

Nayak, stand back.

I'll just chain lightning, these stupid dogs.

Actually, so good to kind of clarify what really matters.

This is objectively bad, Onyx.

You look great.

The filters look awesome.

We all want...

Look good.

No, you look terrible.

You look like you're being ripped apart by fucking dogs.

Chain lightning.

Chain lightning, I scream.

Is everyone having a glow up?

Jens, you reach into yourself to find that big well of magical power and ability, and it is empty.

You have nothing.

You cannot cast Chain Lightning.

It is too high a level spell.

God damn it.

All right, I'll cast.

I've got a new spell called Defenestration.

A wave of force erupts from your open hand, hurling a creature you can see within range through a window.

So I'm gonna, I guess the dog that is most hurt needs to make a strength-saving throw.

Strength-saving throw?

Yeah.

Calling in a dog instead of a wolf is so disturbing.

That's a six?

That fails.

Okay, so it's gonna take 46 damage.

What?

46.

46.

Not 46.

That'd be insane.

It's gonna take 46 of damage, and if there's not a window nearby, an arcane window appears and it shatters through it.

So jens is trying to chain lightning trying to chain lightning and then just picks up the wolf and dropkicks it through a window fuck you fuck you i'm still strong oh my god three alphas 20 damage holy shit jinz finish this wolf finish this alpha uh yeah i

just unceremoniously like throw it off the cliff

Just one dire wolf has me like totally beat.

I've used one of my second level spell slots.

I'm totally spent.

I'm just heaving and near throwing up.

I think we need to run.

Do we need to run?

Are you still wearing this flowing cloak there?

Yes, of course.

Reagan!

I take off, George.

I try to climb the fence, I guess, with the rest of my turn.

You want to head to the gate?

Yes, I'll head to the gate.

Okay, awesome.

We have to complain about these wolves.

You run to the gate on your turn.

I will say, as a free action, you can give me an investigation investigation check.

Okay.

Oh, Nat 20.

Whoa, Sally!

What the heck is going on?

Use them while you got them, friends.

Okay.

True.

Shit, with a Nat20.

Alright, so you approach this massive set of gates.

They're set into this crumbling stone wall.

Dew clings with cold tenacity to the rusted bars.

Nearby, you see two headless statues of the armed guardians flanking the gate, their heads now lying among the weeds at their feet, and they greet you with only silence.

And also, mounted in the center of the doors, you see a large golden crest.

It's tarnished and covered with moss, but it gleams as if lit by firelight.

The crest depicts a majestic castle guarded by a raven with wings spread wide.

Beneath the raven, you see the words SVZ.

And within that 20, I will give you some additional details about this crest.

You see that the Z is much larger than the other letters.

The other letters, the S and the V, are raised on the the plaque as if poured from a mold, but the Z is recessed into the metal.

And the final thing I'll tell you is that on the Z, you see three thin segmented lines are etched into this letter, dividing it into three even bits.

All right.

I start pushing into it furiously.

Hello, I'd like to speak to a manager.

You push on it with your hand and nothing happens.

Got it.

Damn it.

That is your turn.

Onyx, leave him.

He's dead.

The longer they take to eat him, the longer we have to get away.

You see, Keychain eyes the corpse of the wolf that you defeated and kind of just like takes some mental measurements and then turns to you all, shakes himself out of his reverie and says, Does anyone require healing?

Nyak?

Yes.

Yes.

I'm here.

Look at me, Keychain.

Does anyone require healing?

Use your dog eyes.

Sorry, Elpha.

Bad dog.

I am healing, but sort of on my own.

You look great, okay, but we need to get out of here.

Keychain pours a little more into his barrel, attaches it to his collar, and then gallops over to you and lets you drink from it.

Oh, ooh, seven.

Mostly come.

Now they function as normal healing elixirs, so that's going to be 2d8 plus 3.

I'll roll that for you.

I'm using the unearthed Arcana Artificer Rules, which ups the healing to 2d8.

Whoa, sick.

So that's going to be, oh, 12 points of healing for you.

Thank you.

You are welcome.

All right.

So that is Keychain's turn.

He heals you a little bit.

And that brings us to the top of the order again.

Onyx, that is your turn.

Okay.

I was planning on having a whole existential crisis, but with that, Nat20,

I am no longer beholden to

social media.

I am social media.

So I am going to reclass

and I'll do it in between this and the next one.

But I do have a spell that I feel is appropriate for becoming a cell phone.

I'm going to cast suggestion on one of the wolves.

Holy shit.

And then point to the other wolf and say, attack him.

What do they roll for that?

Wisdom 15.

11.

So they do it.

Alright, so this wolf is going to attack the other wolf.

This makes sense because now there's kind of a squabble over who's the alpha.

So this wolf is going to bear his fangs and turn on his brother.

I don't think he gets pack tactics this time, though.

No, no.

I'll be your pack.

That just hits, so he's going to do six damage to the other wolf.

And then I'm going to not even disengage or anything.

I'm just going to wander over to the gate where Jens is.

How did you do the face tune?

Tell me how to do it.

You have to.

We're friends.

You have to tell me how to face tune.

I became a sophon

and all the powers that that entails.

Jens punches a wall.

She looks fucking great.

You see the wolf bows to you?

I blow a kiss and like a little social media heart flies on him.

Please, mommy.

Please, mommy, give me more screen time.

Please.

Nayak crawls after Onyx.

And at the top of this round, this was supposed to happen before Onyx, but I forgot.

You also see.

Did I distract you?

Oh.

You're glowing.

I'm proud.

You are charismatic to a fault.

You see two swarms of bats descend from the mist as well.

You hear their leathery flapping before you see them, and then all of a sudden, they are on you.

These big, just thick, angry clouds of black amidst the mist.

May have entered the fight as well.

No.

Let's see.

I think the bats are going to go after Onyx.

You know what?

Actually, I'll roll it between Onyx and Jins.

One to three, it's Onyx.

Four to six is Jins.

That's a five.

God damn it.

Two swarms of bats descend on Jens.

I feel like we're going to just divvy that up.

There's something on the divots and the Z.

Do you see?

Does this mean anything to you, Onyx?

So that's a nine and an eight, so they both miss.

Yes.

They just annoy you.

Ah.

And then Nyak, that is back around to you.

So these wolves are fighting each other right in front of me.

I'm crawling after Onyx, worshipping her.

And I guess I'll get up to the gate where Jens and Onix are.

And we have, do we have our little key cards?

You do have your key cards.

Does it look like the slots in this Z would take the key cards?

Oh, can we make a Z with the three of them?

Yeah, we could.

You can.

You can use your action to insert the key cards.

Okay.

Then I, with my hand trembling, caked in blood, I'm going to insert the key card into the slot.

As soon as you do that, you hear a loud click and the gate creaks open.

Its hinges moan loudly in protest as the large doors swing wide to reveal a long road shrouded in yet more mist.

On either side of the road you see tall trees bathed in shadow.

Their branches twist and sway as a cold breeze chills your back and beckons you forward.

The gates settle and as soon as they do the wolves cease their fighting and scamper back into the woods as if called by an unheard voice.

The bats fly off as well, and for a moment, you are alone.

Then,

one of the wolves returns, and you see that it is now mysteriously holding a small woven basket inside its mouth.

The wolf sets the basket down, then bows its head, and returns into the mist.

And as its tail swishes into the fog, you could swear you hear the sound of laughter.

Who the fuck is laughing at us?

What's so funny?

How much I'm bleeding or something?

Nyak, go get that basket.

Nyak scampers forward, grabs the basket, and then runs back, tripping over his own feet, saying,

your grace, out of the way, Jens.

Onyx.

Onyx is just floating along.

I stick my finger in one of Nyak's wounds.

There's two alphas now, okay?

Your graces.

Do you want to investigate the basket?

Yes.

I want to open it.

I just turn it upside down.

You pour the basket on the ground, just emptying its contents.

You see a bottle of wine, a canvas tote bag, and a small tin of pastries thump onto the thick mud beneath.

And also, fluttering down amidst them, you see a small note with a wax seal in the shape of a raven guarding a majestic castle.

I'll take the tote.

This better be a gift certificate.

I first think first, uncork the wine, pour two glasses, one for each alpha.

And then

Nyack reaches out.

And let me hold the bottle at least.

Yeah.

It's a nice red.

I'll keep it room temperature.

I look at Nyack and then I hand the bottle to the keychain.

Bad dog, I say to Nyack.

And then I spritz him.

And then

I sniff the cork.

I start drinking the wine and crack the note.

All right, so you drink a little bit of the wine.

It is a champagne du l'estampe from the Wizard of Wines Vineyard.

It has a nice, fizzy, effervescent taste to it.

As you sip this, the carbonation tickling your nose, you read the note, and here is what it says.

My friends,

welcome to my home,

the land of Barovia.

I have heard much of your exploits over the years and am excited to see if you can truly live up to your potential.

Until that day comes, please enjoy your stay and accept this small token of my hospitality.

Your host,

Strahd Von Zarevich.

Are we at a different hotel?

Did you book the wrong hotel, Naya?

I react with a thumbs-up emoji.

So you look up from the note and into the lands that you now know to be Barovia.

Beyond the gate, you see a winding road snaking between two sets of towering, mist-choked trees.

Their pallid canopy blocks out all but a few sickly threads of moonlight.

The woods have the silence of a forgotten grave, yet the feeling of an unvoiced scream.

How do you proceed?

Where is the manager?

Out

in our room.

Yeah, where's our room?

First off, yeah, if we're staying here now, then we're on a tram.

We need a tram back to our room we need power and i need my power back jane lightning i walk around and i just look for a person to complain to

anyx has cast uh silent image uh to play episodes of friends

thank god at least we have this uh we have to do the voices but we have to do the voices okay

good idea but it's also like a 15 foot cube so it's kind of like VR, but we have to do the voices.

Oh, geez.

Pivot.

We're on pivot.

I wish we were on the pivot episode.

Look, this is when Ross and Rachel are on the break and it's all serious and they're stuck in the room.

God.

No.

Can we skip ahead?

No, we can't.

You know our rules.

Actually,

when you are friends with a phone, you can.

I can cast silent image as much as I want, so I just skip ahead.

Holy shit.

Wow.

Nyak sits cross-legged in the grass.

No, all right, don't get complacent.

Someone owes us.

As you try to watch friends, honest, you're trying to control this silent image, but you do see that the mist kind of like swirl around inside it.

You kind of hear this sinister laughter almost echoing in your head as a mysterious force takes control of the spell and you see that all of the characters on screen, everyone in Central Park, briefly flashes into zombies.

You see Gunther's eyeball falls out of his head and into someone's coffee.

He looks up, and you hear a laugh track, but instead of a laugh track, it just screams.

Just screams and screams for way too long.

And then

it cuts back and returns to your normal feed.

Okay, we have that reception.

We have to go into town.

We have to go into town.

DVD has a scratch on it.

What is it?

Where is a reception?

This is unacceptable.

This is absolutely unacceptable.

Carry me.

Excuse me.

Excuse me.

Nayak, carry Onyx.

Nayak holds Onyx wandering down the path saying excuse me.

She's expensive to the air.

I am running around.

Excuse me.

I don't care how intimidating they are.

I am demanding to speak to a manager right now.

Do you work here?

I say to a tree.

Onyx.

Onyx keeps acting like she's about to faint.

I'm just, I would like to do a perception check just for anything like a cursed speaking book, a cursed speaking tree, a weird little guy, literally anything.

Yeah, give me perception checks.

I'll also do a perception check, but with disadvantage because I'm performing my frailty so much that I'm tricking myself.

I got a dirty check.

Yeah, I'll do a perception check with disadvantage because I'm carrying onyx and she keeps on fainting over and over again, knocking me off balance.

I got a two.

I got a six.

Don't worry, I'll handle this.

Dirty 20.

Jence is at his best when he's complaining to a man.

She's fainted four times.

I think that's too many.

I grab both of you guys by the wrist and I'm carrying you like your children.

Walking through the water.

No, I'm fainting.

Jens, Jens, if I don't make it to reception,

bury me at sea.

What?

I don't, that's not on them with you at all.

We're not going to fucking do that.

I don't know.

At sea?

What the fuck?

We're in the middle of the the woods.

What do you mean?

We're in the middle of the goddamn woods.

I'm not tracking you anywhere.

Are you just trying to make your death a fucking pain in the ass?

Do you just want to be a burden after you die?

I can't.

No.

Where the fuck is a manager?

God damn, I'm going to take a low-level employee.

I think we need to go down this trail.

Ah, who are you, home?

Okay, yeah.

Where are we going?

You see, Keychain walks up.

He has got a wolf pelt slung over his shoulder.

Yeah.

Same as he's always look to me.

This is for later.

He just says, Mysterious.

Okay, dog, show us where the manager is.

Yeah.

Good dog.

Keychain says, the trail only goes that way.

Therefore, I think we should go that way.

All right, yeah.

Okay.

So he points beyond this threshold,

and as he points, you feel beckoned forward by a cold wind and a righteous purpose to find Strahd and get a deep discount on your yurt.

Wind is way too cold.

I'm going to complain about that as well.

And that's where we'll end our session.

Oh, my God.

Oh,

we've done it, friends.

Yes, the triplets are in Barovia.

Just the image of Nayack being torn apart by wolves.

Good lord.

I've got the AC to handle this.

No!

Super, super fun.

We'll talk about this more over on our Patreon, patreon.com slash nadpod.

That's NADD POD.

Don't sing yet.

Don't do it.

In the meantime, we've got some stuff to plug.

We've got some more Dimension 20 shows coming up.

We've got

20th, we're going to be at Climate Pledge Arena in Seattle, and we're going to be in Las Vegas in November playing Starstroke.

So be on the lookout for that.

Search Dimension 20 live.

Cool.

Check out my sub stack, everybody.

Substack.com slash at Jake Hurwitz.

And check out Emily's while you're over there.

I'm plugging it for her.

Yes.

And you can follow mine.

I don't have one, but I do have a a username and people keep following it for some reason.

I think it's a prank now.

I'll just give a shout out to Droffy Show because they did their live stream for Trans Lifeline and raised $150,000.

Fucking kicks ass.

And with that, we'll go ahead and wrap this one up.

Thank you all so much for listening.

You can follow us on social media that remain rain at use at Sage First Me, at Caldis Caldwell, at X for Emily, and at your Hurts as Jake.

And you can talk about the show online using hashtag NADPOD.

That's N-A-D-D-P-O-D.

We are, we are, the youth of a nation.

We are, we are, the youth of a nation.

It's the end of the show, everybody, and that means I need to shout out our benevolent council of elders, starting with Brad D, Jeffrey S., Lord of the Fjord, later McSkater, Matt M, Cutter W, Jeff C, Daniel G, Danielle the Dastardly Dame, Carpe Liam, Victor T, aka Balnor's Boy, Hoyd's friend, Justin I, Danny Danster, TJM, Trele the Cray, Christopher B, Daniel R, Jordan L, Cyborg version of Josh the Kobald, Tar Got, Stevie Waggs, Hellish Rebuker, the NB DM PhD, Princess Yar, Jory S, Jack L, Nicholas C, star of every film ever made in Bohumia, Mike H., Elka Smeltzer Plus, Great Value Gemma, Tyler F, Carbrow Chapel Hill FPV, Cece Lulu, Bald Burn, Herculeo Poirot, the Rabbit Folk Detective, Timmy R,

Jakes, Jerk Jelly, Hashtag CCC,

Taylor B, the vengeful one-winged angel, Cass Strong Wrench, Steven, shout out to Bowie the Troll C, Mike K, Nick W, William W, Big Bad Beardo the Mad, Eric McD, Ananorama, Percival Friedrichstein, Von Mussel, Klazowski, De Rolo III, Jay Dragonborn, Guardian of the Vibe, honoring the cock.

This isn't even my final form: Ben A, Dave H, Dustin S, Not That Nick, Danny F, Hawkeye Pierce, Bookvar's Assistant SEF, Big Bad John, DPC Is Awesome, Sean the Shade Tree Mechanic of Zeldar, Summer Rose, aka Grantaire, Mark the Dark Lord's Taint, Cat C, Misa of House and Zunza, Ariel the Occasional Mermaid, Selena N, aka Valay C Raptor, B Perky Always, Pat L, Lauren H, Serve 16, Annie the Fae Wild Therapist, Pierogi Frenzy, Connor S, Salil, BioQuirt 7, Eberdextrus, Bean Rat Was Innocent, Trubb Hop Dropper, Jack H, King of the Mole People under Iron Deep, dressed in blue and fighting his way through a bracket-style tournament, Valen, Podge, the bitchin' bunny bard, Druidic Payton, Carlin C, Noah the Bullywug Boy, Hashtag Honor the Cock, James G, Everything Bago, the Eladron who just wants to hang out with his pet badger Stripey, Reverend Chatterbones, Han,

Eric B., Marcos, PhD student like a wizard artificer, IRL, Learns the Balanced Druid, Frida M, Maggie, Holly the green laughing hyena, Cal and her cats, Portland, Star, and Berlin, Aaron B, Russell H, a monk named Dilgo, yes the whole thing, yes every time, Cody C, Lorelai the succubi, and Kyra the Succulent Snack, McKenna Stout, your friendly neighborhood yaunt and yunkle, Andrew and Sid, soon-to-be education specialist John Adams, Meg the Mail Carrier of Bahumia, James F, Austin S., Wayfarer now has to do something with the trolls, get rid of them, turn to page 42, keep them, turn to page 69,

Oreo, Shane C, Barpo Good Barrel, Bard Barian, Garrett G, aka One Big Curd, Charlie Brown's best friend, Renee the Monster Captain, Olivia the Enchanting Bard, and Jared the Soap Opera Cleric are now performing ballads from the Age of Stories.

Blue Ash, Fico, Garrett the Artificer, Anthony the Raddest of Dudes, Jay, the Fairies have returned to debauchery and must now go to the Carnal Corner.

Cantrip Dumbledore, the Bear Onesie-Wearing Barbarian, Lexi H, MJ the BFG, Roger L, Nodrog, the Pass-a-Fist Barbarian, Jean Luca,

Leon K, Legendary Hero of Bahumia from a future campaign, Shenanigans O'Connor, Mios the Great, Joshua S, Alexander, Lins W, Sky the Wise, aka the Lone Dungeon Master, Johnny Dudeke, The Mischief of Nadpot's Familiars, Pabu Eskinar, the Goliath Paladin providing service with a smile,

Kit and their cat, Tim M, Tiles L, T-R, MLG Cheeto, Shell B, Kenna's first favorite sprite girl, Tut-Tut, totally stoked for some more

Trinyvale toxic triplets.

Everyone say thank you, Duncle.

Thank you, Duncle.

Jet S, Snailis, who's infecting Worcester from within, the perfect pork roll, egg and cheese, SPK, Anakaiser, Jared the soap opera cleric, whose wife Olivia the Enchanting Bard is the strongest and best wife in Bohumia, Pawpaw Sky Days, Mima Sky Days, Megan N, Anthony B, Savannah H, Valnor's best friend Steve, Stephanie of House and Zunza, Benjamin A, Gimli the Corgi, Pawpon Foster's canine friend, Mikkel A, Josh H, pilot of the Nightmareverse flight, the two crew blew through, Jennery, Kelsey A, Ethan the Mailman, Maple the Shy Bookworm, Ashosaurus, Seth E, Billy Batson, Tori the tungsten dragoose, accidental sharer of recipes, Michael L.S.

II, Carl B., Plumber of the Realm, Dex Riddlewell, Ace Dreggs, High Lord of Critzburg, Vin Diagram, Canamellius the Consumed, Clinton P, Cam the Frogman, Dean, Jake W says, Hi Bom, Tuesday Cross, only here for the Surf and Murph, Steve L, Tyler McM, Alex G, Zibadavakri, Kaylee, Katarina C, Misty the crispy kitty, really hates flame skulls, Greg W, there's so many of us now, but hey, you're doing great, and we love you.

Thank you, Greg W.

Baruch Thunderhelm, fifth generation Minotaur working as an abandoned labyrinth tour guide.

Chupac Aubrey, Bony is Dead, The Waterworth, Nick, Amy, Angus Kunari, Ignition Class, Petalstorm, Charlemagne, Not the God, DJ Dramamine, Aurich von Zarevich, my favorite patron makes me say penis on my show.

And finally, Jen the Rowdy.

Thank you all so much for listening.

Thank you to all of our benevolent council of elders, and of course, all of our Patreon subscribers.

We'll be talking more about the show over on our short rest on the Patreon, patreon.com/slash nadpod.

We'll see you all next time.

That was a head gum podcast.

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