Trinyvale X Strahd - Ep. 15: Hallowed Ground

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Speaker 1 This is a Headgum podcast.

Speaker 1 Welcome to Trinivale.

Speaker 1 Trinival. And also, Barrovia.

Speaker 1 Listen to my little birdies' chirp.

Speaker 1 Thank you. Thank you.
Have some seeds, little birdies. Adventure seeds, that is.

Speaker 1 I am your Dracula uncle, aka Drunkle, Caldwell Tanner. And I'm joined as always by my prodigious players, Brian Murphy.
Feeling crabby, so I burnt down the Abbey. Jenslingell.

Speaker 1 Emily Axford. I really wanted you feeling crappy now.

Speaker 1 Keep it crappy. Grandpa Face in Lingerie.
It's Onyx Lumière.

Speaker 1 I'm featuring hearing a French pop song, and that's the only part in English. Somehow you made Grandpa Face and Lingerie rise.
She's a professional. And one more professional is joining us.

Speaker 1 It's Jake Hurwitz. Little brother you lerve with a pinched nerve.
May I have a banana for it? That was worse. For sure.

Speaker 1 For sure. That was worse.
But also sounded like it was from a French pop song. So on theme at the very least.

Speaker 1 Folks, you've done it. You've escaped.
But before you make your full Valaki extraction, how about we do a quick recap? Please. You got it.

Speaker 1 When last we met, you three had just begun your second showdown with Strahd von Tsarevich.

Speaker 1 As the abbey fires intensified, the ghost of Markovia appeared before Nayak, informing him that the relic in his hand was known as the Dawnflower Pendant.

Speaker 1 It was a gift from Strahd's father to his brother Sergei on his wedding day, and has since become a powerful vampire warding tool.

Speaker 1 Meanwhile, in the front of the church, Strahd once more attempted to charm Marina.

Speaker 1 But before he could fix his gaze on her, Jin stuck him to the ground with elf shot, then covered Marina's eyes and dove behind a pew.

Speaker 1 Frustrated, Strahd attempted to control the zoomenoids, but was defeated by Onyx, whose lingerie morning lord disguise convinced the mutants that she was their sexy grandpa.

Speaker 1 Pretty standard for any Strahd run-through I'd seen.

Speaker 1 After promising them a wine tour, she fled out the nursery window along with Marina. While outside, she saw their allies and the captive Esmeralda had been surrounded by a swarm of werewolves.

Speaker 1 Markovia then appeared and told Onix that it might be possible for her to cast a hollow spell on the Abbey, but only if Strahd and his minions were removed.

Speaker 1 Inside the still-burning building, Strahd noticed Nyak holding the pendant and decided to test his mastery of the shadows by casting blight.

Speaker 1 Nyak failed the test, but was quickly healed by Jinns, who fired off another elf shot, then took Markovia's bones from their hiding place in the wall.

Speaker 1 Markovia mentioned that as long as her bones are safe, she can find a new area to consecrate. And so with bones and bro in tow, Jin skedaddled past Strahd.

Speaker 1 On his way out, he convinced the Zoonoids to attack the werewolf swarm, leaving only Vasilka, the corpse bride, left inside.

Speaker 1 After collecting a glove bag from Nyak, she demanded something blue from Strahd, but was blown off instead. Angered, the bride struck Strahd, shattering his jovial demeanor.

Speaker 1 He responded by melting her with a fireball, then turned his attention on the fray outside.

Speaker 1 However, while he was distracted, Onyx and Nyak managed to free both Esmeralda and Champo the werewolf, who you learned was the son of the alpha Kirill Stojanovich.

Speaker 1 To thank you for this gesture, Kirill led his werewolf troops into battle against Strahd. The Zumenoids joined the charge and blocked Strahd's pursuit.

Speaker 1 As rage-filled bolts of lightning filled the sky, you and your companions sped down the hill and into Esmeralda's wagon.

Speaker 1 Using the carrot Jens borrowed, Esmeralda activated the wagon's spectral horses and you all galloped off into the mists beyond Valaki.

Speaker 1 And that

Speaker 1 is where we are now. We turn around.
We forgot Fitbit. Oh, Fitbit is way too slow for these spectral horses.
He's getting dragged a little bit.

Speaker 1 Fitbit. The thunder of spectral hooves fills the air as Esmeralda's wagon barrels through the western gate of Villaki, pursued quickly by Fitbit.
Yes, thank God. Here, donkey.

Speaker 1 Oh, I forgot he made sounds. You see Fitbit thundering, moving faster than any mule ever has.
He launches into the air, jumping higher than an NBA basketball player and landing through...

Speaker 1 Actually Jokish really doesn't jump.

Speaker 1 He's very, very firm to the graph. He doesn't have to.

Speaker 1 And landing through a small window in the roof, firmly in Onix's lap. Whoa!

Speaker 1 The wagon peels out of Vlaki like a bolt of purple lightning.

Speaker 1 In the burgomaster's living room, Vargas Vilakovich looks up from a pile of papers, tilts his head, shrugs, then continues reading.

Speaker 1 Outside, the wagon screeches down the trail and is quickly swallowed by the thick tendrils of midday mists.

Speaker 1 Annoyed, Esmeralda flips a switch and you watch as the fog is cut asunder by bright beams of enchanted lantern light. She turns back to you and says, Pretty sick, right? Yeah, pretty cool.

Speaker 1 Yeah, yeah, pretty cool. Okay, I like that.

Speaker 1 Watch this, though. Watch this.
You're going to love this. She waves her hand over the wagon's dashboard and you see a sigil begin to glow.
Is that a radio?

Speaker 1 What the fuck is a radio? Can you play Oasis?

Speaker 1 Can you play Oasis? It's usually just like a sing, you know? Could somebody sing? Sure. Yeah.
No, I'm just fucking with you. I got radio.
Come on.

Speaker 1 Yeah, she throws on Wonder Wall, I guess. What is the other Oasis song?

Speaker 1 You know, that whole album is a little bit more like a song. Don't look back in Champagne Supernova.
Don't look back in anger. I actually prefer those two to Wonder Wall.
Yeah.

Speaker 1 Champagne Supernova blares over the speakers, honestly, a little too loud. She nods approvingly and then puts puts her hand over another sigil.
And as this one alights, you see the wagon creak loudly.

Speaker 1 Then, like cells multiplying, you watch as its beds, floor, and desks all divide and grow, transforming the cramped interior into a spacious dormitory.

Speaker 1 Yeah, call this one Esmeralda's Traveling Tavern. It's a modified version of one of my master's most famous spells.
Maybe you've heard of it, Leomon's Tiny Hut. That's cool.

Speaker 1 My brother also has a cool car. Yeah,

Speaker 1 it's in it's in the shop. Oh, yeah.

Speaker 1 Tell me about it. It's super fast.
It's red. It's got four wheels.

Speaker 1 Sometimes there's an extra one in the trunk that I would take theoretically if I were to pop a tire, which is actually what happened. I popped two tires, so I didn't have an extra one.

Speaker 1 You can't drive with three tires.

Speaker 1 Yeah, how did I pop them? Yeah, well, how did you pop the tires? I smile,

Speaker 1 but my eyes are dead as I look at Onyx.

Speaker 1 The way I popped them, I was driving them really fast and it popped because I had won a race and it was on gravel. That's so, Jens.
Yeah, it was like that scene in Greece where I was in like a dam.

Speaker 1 And in dam, there were people,

Speaker 1 you know, throwing around bottles and whatnot. So there was a bottle, I guess, on the ground.
And I swerved not to hit a teen in a leather jacket, and I ended up hitting a bottle instead.

Speaker 1 It's so supreme, it'll make you cream, Onyx. Jude felt like at first you didn't have an answer, but then you had a really complicated one.
I smile again at Onix and my eyes look furious. Yeah, Onyx.

Speaker 1 Thanks.

Speaker 1 Hey, that's pretty cool. Can you sleep in that car?

Speaker 1 Well, why would I when I have a cool apartment slash condo? It's a condo. It's a one-floor condo.
Well, you guys really got it all.

Speaker 1 But, you know, sometimes I'm on the move, so I don't really get the luxury of having an apartment as well. So that's why I built in this sleeper car as well.

Speaker 1 You're doing the hashtag camper van lifestyle.

Speaker 1 We've been thinking about that, yeah.

Speaker 1 I almost blew this up. I'll be honest.
Keychane was like running around grabbing knobs and whatnot. Almost blew this whole up.
We forgot Keychain!

Speaker 1 Alright, we have to turn around and get Keychan pullover and he'll find us. I'm right here.
Hello. Okay.

Speaker 1 I was just looking at this Lansin catalog. Yeah, they got solid sweaters.

Speaker 1 I was looking at the donkey sweaters. That's cute.
That's really cute. Yeah, so anyway, I put this in.
It's going to get like hashtag van life.

Speaker 1 But anyway, now you can like get a long rest while we travel. We're headed to the winery, right? Where whether is that? Oh, good question.
Let me pull up a map here.

Speaker 1 Marina pulls out her map for everybody to look at, and she kind of points and says, Well, looking at where we were and where we're going, it should take a...

Speaker 1 We should be able to arrive at about nightfall. But before we go to the winery, there is something else I think we must do.
You want to see Zarevich like me, too?

Speaker 1 That closer to Velaki, so I think it would be unwise to return. But

Speaker 1 I think well, just like, why did you ask us then? It's like you don't want to go to the freaking lake, huh?

Speaker 1 Yeah. Well, it is funny.
I bought my fishing rod for nothing. I want to do jet ski.
I thought for the first time ever I was gonna do something outside like near a lake.

Speaker 1 I just thought maybe we were gonna do the camper life. It's just it's funny you mentioned a lake because I do think it would be good to go to a lake.
Just not Tsarevich Lake.

Speaker 1 There is a smaller lake outside of the winery that I think would be good as a place for Markovia to consecrate. Why would we go smaller when we can go bigger?

Speaker 1 Yeah, why don't we consecrate the big lake? Yeah, will they allow a motor in that lake? Because Onyx wants to go water skin. Look at this map.
Yeah. Luna Lake, okay.

Speaker 1 Wow, it's a freaking dud, more like a pond, really. Are you sure it's not a pond? Yeah.
Jen smiles, but looks so disappointed in his eyes.

Speaker 1 Yeah, I guess we could go to Luna Lake.

Speaker 1 I feel like that lake is just like really close to the abbey we just blew up. And I feel like we want to put some distance between ourselves and there.
Okay.

Speaker 1 Okay, but smaller lake, can we compromise here? All right, so we go to the smaller lake, which doesn't have jet skis. Okay.
Onyx starts weeping. Can we have a motor in that lake?

Speaker 1 You have to be honest. It has no jet skis, but it has a lovely rowboat.
Okay. You see, Markovia materializes.
She actually materializes like right in the middle of a table.

Speaker 1 She's like not used to appearing in this place yet. Yeah.
She's back to being somewhat wispy and translucent, but she doesn't seem to be in danger of fading away.

Speaker 1 She kind of paces back and forth and addresses the party, and as she does, you see her auburn hair is kind of floating freely as if submerged in water.

Speaker 1 Yes, Luna Lake, it is smaller, but I think it would be a perfect place for the halo spell. Hmm, it could be a perfect stronghold against Strahd and his wicked foes.

Speaker 1 If I can cast this spell there, none of his undead minions will be able to penetrate it, and even his charms will not be able to cross the barrier. But do you see what's happening?

Speaker 1 Because this lake is perfect for you guys and not perfect for us. Yeah.

Speaker 1 Okay.

Speaker 1 Okay. You know what? We can have a discussion here.
We've got time. What is it you want?

Speaker 1 What do you want to do with the lake? Okay.

Speaker 1 Jet ski. I was hoping to jet ski.

Speaker 1 Right. And I wanted to motorboat and I could tow them on the ski.
Yeah. I wanted to, yeah.
I also wanted to tube. I wanted to do some tubing.

Speaker 1 And I wanted to motorboat and I wanted to pull them on the tube.

Speaker 1 Yeah, Nayak is not allowed on the tube. He has to pull everyone.

Speaker 1 Luna Lake might be small, but it is large enough for all manner of water sport. Okay.
Indeed, it has stood as a neutral ground since ancient days.

Speaker 1 All peoples, the Barovians, the Were Ravens, even the Mist Elves, would gather here day and night to fish and make merry. Many a tube has graced this lake.
Oh, okay. All right.

Speaker 1 There is even legend that once there was a blob. Oh.
Oh, one of those things that you jump on and you can make people bounce far? Quite right, quite right. Those are really dangerous.

Speaker 1 Okay, yeah, those are dangerous. Let's not do that.
I mean, I don't want to go too far. Trying to meet you in the middle here.
Yeah.

Speaker 1 But those days are long since past.

Speaker 1 Although it is said before the days of the mist, the lake reflected the moon so brightly one could even read by the waters without the aid of a candle or torch. This lake would be the perfect spot.

Speaker 1 And with your help, perhaps we can restore it to its former glory via the halo spell.

Speaker 1 Alright, yeah, I mean, we don't have big big readers, and our kindles have lights on them, so it doesn't really super matter, but yeah, I'll go to Luna Lake.

Speaker 1 I mean, as long as we can jet ski, you know. We could also venture to the abandoned castle known as Argen Vostolt.
There is the final resting place of a silver dragon and his knights.

Speaker 1 They are vengeful revenants, so they would require much convincing, but I believe they could be powerful allies in our cause. Oh, oh my god, a dragon could pull the hell out of some water skis.

Speaker 1 Oh, that's how we jet ski. But the dragon's not there, right? It's just a powerful Revenants.
Yes, he is long since dead, and the Revenants' minds are corrupted.

Speaker 1 You would need to parlay with them day and night, I imagine. Oh my god, no thanks.
Yeah, that's it. Yeah, let's go to Luna Lake.
You see, uh, Esmeralda from the driver's seat is just like also boring.

Speaker 1 Let's go to the lake. Let's get down the freaking blog.
I'm not afraid. Let's do lake life.
Okay, lake life it is. Hashtag lake life.
Yeah, Nyak, start making a sign for our cabin.

Speaker 1 Nayak is bouncing along, painting a really bad sign.

Speaker 1 Make sure it's about alcohol. I feel like so much of lake decor is just like, it's time to drink.
Yeah, like lake time, more like lake wine.

Speaker 1 Yay.

Speaker 1 Talk about the big drink, and it's like a little sailboat in a glass of wine. Yeah.

Speaker 1 Okay, yeah. Who cares about fake news? I care about lake news.
Thank you. That's good.
Yeah, that's good. Add that.
Write that down.

Speaker 1 Okay, yeah. I'm going to have to squeeze it in.
That's pretty long. Who cares about fake news? It's worth it.
It's worth it. Start a new sign.
What are you doing?

Speaker 1 Yeah, you need to make six to 12 of these signs before we get there. We need at least three for the bathroom.
Yeah. I can't go to sleep unless I have novelty signs.
Squeeze inside.

Speaker 1 Wait, I've got another one. Eat, drink, fish.
How's that? That's good. That's good, as long as there's a picture of wine.
Yeah.

Speaker 1 Oh, right. Eat, drink, fish.
And then the wine. What if it's a clock and every single hour is just a little glass of wine?

Speaker 1 It's always wine. My, my, my.
Would you look at the wine?

Speaker 1 Yeah, Yeah, it's wine o'clock somewhere. That's really good.
What about

Speaker 1 parentheses? Okay, what about one that says this lake is full of wine, so all the fish are dead?

Speaker 1 That's good.

Speaker 1 Do you want to go fish some dead fish because it's full of wine? The fish here make me drunk.

Speaker 1 I like to get fucked up and swim. Yeah.

Speaker 1 I like to get fucked up and tube.

Speaker 1 All right, we got it. Nothing tastes as good as being drunk, Phil.

Speaker 1 That's awesome.

Speaker 1 Oh, you guys really know how to cut loose. This is great.
You know what? Actually, I'm going to join you. Hey, robot, you drive for a bit.

Speaker 1 You see, Esmeralda crawls into the back with you and sprawls out on one of the beds. And Keychain says, Oh boy, I never get to drive.
This is going to be so fun.

Speaker 1 He scrambles up to the front, and then the wagon veers very suddenly before he manages to course correct. I've got it.
I've got it. Eyes on the road.

Speaker 1 Yeah, he's not smart or talented, so it's like a driverless car.

Speaker 1 Esmeralda, where, um,

Speaker 1 where is Leomund?

Speaker 1 Leomund? Oh, I'm glad you asked. So

Speaker 1 the last I heard was when I was in Vilaki, that strange puppet man, you know? Yep. Gandalf, I believe was his name.
Yeah, he told me.

Speaker 1 He told me that Leo had gone to the village of Barovia.

Speaker 1 He was looking to form an army to fight Strahd.

Speaker 1 Okay, well, we are coming from Barovia. There was no army.
There was a guy who gooned in the oats. And

Speaker 1 the coolest guy was a guy who worked at his uncle's store. He was strong.

Speaker 1 There's no army there. No army.
It's tragic, but their funerals are great. So Leomund is probably dead, right? Yeah, Leomund is likely

Speaker 1 not doing well.

Speaker 1 Yeah, were you guys close? Yes, he was kind of like my wizard dad.

Speaker 1 Okay. Damn.
Yeah, that sucks, huh?

Speaker 1 My family was eaten by vampires when I was very young, and Leoman kind of adopted me,

Speaker 1 kind of trained me as his apprentice.

Speaker 1 His family also was eaten by vampires, so we had that in common.

Speaker 1 So he swore whenever he found out about a new vampire plaguing our realm to essentially hunt them down and destroy them. When you say eaten, do you mean their flesh was consumed?

Speaker 1 No, I mean just exanguinated. The blood was yes, exanguinated.
Okay, okay.

Speaker 1 I was being metaphorical, I was exaggerating. Yeah, Yeah, no, it's yeah, that's fine.
The rats ate their bodies. I watched it happen.
Wow, that's tough.

Speaker 1 Yeah, it was not great, but then, you know, me and Leoman,

Speaker 1 we became a little family. He taught me some magic.
We like killed a bunch of beasts and werewolves and zombies and stuff. And it was pretty rad.

Speaker 1 But then one day he said that he was going off to fight this vampire and he told me to stay and work on my studies. But after a while, I kind of got antsy, so I decided to follow him.

Speaker 1 And that's what led me to Vallaki. And I was about to make my way to Borovia, but then I saw some creatures lurking around in the graveyard.
And I thought, well, I better go check that out.

Speaker 1 You know, don't look just creatures around.

Speaker 1 But then they freaking ambushed me, knocked me out, and next thing I knew, I'm in the basement of this abbey about to be infused into a corpse pride.

Speaker 1 Not great. Yeah.

Speaker 1 It is bad stuff.

Speaker 1 Well, you know, I never liked the Zoomenoids, and I think they're probably dead. I hope none of them show up to the winery because we made some human faces.

Speaker 1 Oh, can you imagine how bad our lake weekend will be if they show up?

Speaker 1 Could you imagine? Yeah. They do not know how to share the tube.
Oh my god, they definitely don't know how to share the tube. They're gonna pop the tube.
They're too round

Speaker 1 the tube. They're gonna pop the tube.
They're gonna rock the boat. They're gonna literally rock the boat.
Hey, Elohim, one more sign. If you pop the tube, you're a boob.
Thank you. Oh, okay.

Speaker 1 That's good.

Speaker 1 That's good.

Speaker 1 It's not keychain level, you know, but like, it's okay. Yeah, keychain's good at it because he's AI.

Speaker 1 So he's much more creative than us basically everything he says is hilarious because he's ai yeah he knows whatever if it's been like mentioned on a podcast or something he can tell you the fact i do quotes it's so it's like watching the vapor come out of his head while he's thinks so hard to come up with these jokes is really funny it consumes like the grass and the oxygen around i was going to say it's good

Speaker 1 all of lunar lake for

Speaker 1 oh my god they can use the lake to power keychain oh but it's going to be really funny so it'll be worth it yeah it'll be funny. Oh my god, I will come up with the silliest sign.
Yeah.

Speaker 1 I just need one-fourth a lake.

Speaker 1 So yeah, is there anything else you want to ask me?

Speaker 1 You know, we've got like all this time. We've got this sleeper car.
We can basically like nod off and basically get like a full eight hours until we get to the lake. Yeah, that's great.

Speaker 1 I mean, we'd love to get a full 12. Full 12.

Speaker 1 Okay, yeah, we could like circle the lake. Why not? Okay.
It's like not even close for me. Ultimately, we want to kill Strad.
Yeah. Right? So I assume you're on board with that.

Speaker 1 We found out basically a fortune teller told us that we were going to find something in the abbey, which we did, which was the pendant. I show everyone the pendant.
I found this. No one else found it.

Speaker 1 Nayak nods.

Speaker 1 We're in this burning building. St.
Markovia popped out, said, Here, take my bones, put them in a Trader Joe's bag. Hang on to this for me.

Speaker 1 You're the bravest, you're the strongest, you're the best looking.

Speaker 1 You don't pop the tube. Essentially, what happened? She's not worth arguing.
I found this.

Speaker 1 I zip up the tote so that her bones are dark. I tote with a zipper? Yeah, it's got a zipper.
Wow. It's also a freezer bag, so the beers in there are still cold.
The margarita cans are still cold.

Speaker 1 Yeah, we're going to need those lake beers, dude. Oh, yeah, we definitely need some lake margaritas.
Lake beers? No fears. How about that?

Speaker 1 I'm not drinking this weekend, but I think it sounds fun anyway.

Speaker 1 Wait, I'm going to be waiting for it. Are you leak time?

Speaker 1 Yeah, I'm sort of doing a detox. No, you're not.
Okay. Yeah, it'll be cool to be at the lake and not get drunk, but I'm cool to hang out.

Speaker 1 Yeah, I want you to drink. And I want you guys to drink and cut loose.
You know what? You can be dry at the lake as long as you get wet in the water. How about that? That's great.

Speaker 1 I'll write that as a sign. Okay, I'm going to drown you guys.
Anyway, the fortune teller told us that we'd find something, which we did.

Speaker 1 We found the pendant, and then they also told us that we'd find an ally in you. So I think we're going to kind of all be instrumental in killing Straj one day.

Speaker 1 Also destroyed our soft opening to our potato vegan restaurant, which we're changing to a meat restaurant. Okay,

Speaker 1 yeah, that was discussed at some point. I guarantee you.

Speaker 1 I'm not the phone anymore, so I'm not vegan. Yeah, so we all have our reasons.
You know, killed your mentor, destroyed our soft opening. We're all trying to get rid of Strahd here.

Speaker 1 Yes, we all have equal claims to kill Strahd, it seems.

Speaker 1 I must hold out hope that my mentor is still alive. When I went to Vallaki, I saw that he had left his monkey, Piccolo.
Yeah, not a good sign to leave the the monkey behind.

Speaker 1 Well, I think that he's a Leoman is a kind, eccentric man, and he saw that Gandalf really wanted that monkey, so I think he left him there.

Speaker 1 Well, I also really wanted that monkey, so it's not, we can't really base what's happening on where the monkey is. Yeah, and that monkey really wanted me.
Piccolo, Piccolo kind of does what he wants.

Speaker 1 He's a free man. Sure, yeah.
And I love that about him. When I conversed with Piccolo via sign language, I got this sense that

Speaker 1 Leoman's spark connecting him to the monkey was still active. Do you have Skry?

Speaker 1 I don't. I'm still working on that one.
I've like almost mastered it. This is really embarrassing, but like I'm super close.
Well, maybe he's not dead.

Speaker 1 Maybe he's just like tied up in his like torture chamber and is being like brutally tortured. He could be getting tortured.
He also maybe he's a coward. Did he run away?

Speaker 1 Do you think he ran away, maybe? Do you think he's a secret coward? He tried to form an army and then he felt stupid about it.

Speaker 1 Yeah, do you think he feels stupid because he didn't make the army in Morovia? There's a chest there.

Speaker 1 Maybe he went off to make an army, but everyone was like, you're kind of a loser, Leoman, and then they didn't join the army. Yeah, it was like as if nothing happened, honestly.
Number one, fuck you.

Speaker 1 Number two, I think you're projecting a little bit. Because Leo's fucking awesome.
Sure. He's like a stone cold killer.

Speaker 1 He used to be just like a silly wizard that did like party tricks, like tiny chests and tiny huts and girthiers.

Speaker 1 But then like after the vampire attacks, he kind of got serious, and he's been kind of a vampire hunter ever since. Yeah, that's cool.
Where is he now? That's what I want to find out.

Speaker 1 Yeah, is he a vampire hunter or is he a vampire runner away from? Yeah, that's true, because those are two very different things.

Speaker 1 Okay, it's just like, this is my freaking traveling tavern, and you guys are, like, stinking it up with your nasty words. So, you can just cool it for a gods and second.
Yeah, Nayak, come on.

Speaker 1 Okay, okay. I just feel like you're slacking on the signs, man.
Yeah, Nyak.

Speaker 1 There's no

Speaker 1 more signs, please. There's a lot.
Okay, yeah, we have a lot lot of signs. We have more signs than the lake.
Do we think that the roof should also be a sign?

Speaker 1 Yeah, we'll do like a tiled roof, kind of almost like you're doing like a tin roof, but it'll all be signs about drinking at the lake. That's freaking sick.
That's cool. Okay.
Yeah, that's awesome.

Speaker 1 Oh, each tile will be like a different beer coaster. Yeah.

Speaker 1 Oh,

Speaker 1 something cataloging everything we have drink. How about this?

Speaker 1 Too drunk to swim, too happy to die. There you go.

Speaker 1 Yeah.

Speaker 1 Yeah.

Speaker 1 Was that AI or is that you?

Speaker 1 That was all me, but I feel like

Speaker 1 I saw that one there, the Buckies, somewhere. I wonder if I could put that into keychain and he could punch it up.

Speaker 1 Hang on, let me feed him some acreage.

Speaker 1 I need 14 Efian brothels. Okay.

Speaker 1 All right. Okay, so now we're going to this winery and we've got these wine moms that were telling us that there's, I guess, some corrupt druids there that are sort of part of a cult of Strahd.

Speaker 1 Oh, yes, the boy moms. The boy moms.

Speaker 1 Oh, perhaps these two were ravens that came with us could answer some questions.

Speaker 1 They're kind of...

Speaker 1 Yeah. Hello, yes, we're the wereravens.
Hello, yes, hi, my name is Dag. Hello, it's so good to meet you.
Okay. This is my wife, Steph.
Hello, I'm Steph. Hello, it's so good to meet you.

Speaker 1 I'm sorry, couldn't be more help in that battle, but you guys did great. Yes, apology not accepted.

Speaker 1 I died. Where were you?

Speaker 1 We were guarding Chompo to make sure that he didn't get hurt, as you instructed us. Yes, hello, would you like us to fly ahead to the winery and warn them that you're coming?

Speaker 1 Are there people at the winery that aren't corrupted by the Druids and stuff? Yes. The old crow, Davian, he runs the winery.

Speaker 1 He's the father of Erwin, and of course, also Alinka and Sorfia and Mirabel.

Speaker 1 And we would be happy to go and warn him that you're coming. He's a bit of a grump, that old Davian.
So if you would allow us to fly ahead and have you warn him, get out. Okay, if that would be.

Speaker 1 Get out! I scream.

Speaker 1 It's been a crash out. Just fucking go!

Speaker 1 Jesus! Fly away.

Speaker 1 I did not see Zem coming. He just, just, just rubs his head.
Did anyone else get a bad vibe from those guys?

Speaker 1 Can we open, Esmeralda? Can we open a flap in here? Can we get some fresh air circulating, please?

Speaker 1 My brother has a migraine. There were just so much.

Speaker 1 So you keep traveling through the night.

Speaker 1 As you relax a little bit, Markovia, you you see, tries to sit down in a chair, but her ghost body keeps clipping through it and just going into the floor.

Speaker 1 And she kind of looks around and says, Before we sleep, are there any other subjects I can illuminate for you? Any questions?

Speaker 1 We left the Abbey in quite a hurry, and I would be happy to share my ghostly wisdom. I mean, we got a damn pendant, we got bones, we killed an angel.
What else was in the Abbey?

Speaker 1 Ha,

Speaker 1 there were notes,

Speaker 1 writings from Alana during her stay there. Oh, that's your mom.
I point to you, Marina. Oh, yes.

Speaker 1 Did you read them? If I came across private personal notes, I would have read them.

Speaker 1 I try not to be a snoop, but yes, absolutely I did. I watch over everything that goes on in the Abbey, and I was worried especially about Alana.
She came to the Abbey to study with the Abbot.

Speaker 1 She had heard much about his abilities to heal curses. And while she was there, she experimented with combining garlic with abjurative and necromantic magic.

Speaker 1 She seemed to be on the verge of a breakthrough. However, before she could test her theories, Marina's biological mother, Demira, arrived, pregnant.
Alana was asked to help deliver the baby.

Speaker 1 And after that, she suspected that the abbot might have strange motives for the soul that dwelled within Marina. It was then that she decided to flee.

Speaker 1 I caught that, strangely, the place she was fleeing to was the very winery where we head now. So, if there are more notes from Alana, more revelations, I think perhaps we will find them there.

Speaker 1 So, we might find the herbs and spices at the winery. Yes, the final form.
The recipe. It seems she was almost there.
She was working on the vampire curse.

Speaker 1 And by using the knowledge of the abbot, perhaps she got a step closer. I think that if

Speaker 1 there is a truth to be uncovered, perhaps it is at this winery as well. Yeah.
Alright. Well, all signs point to the winery.
Yes. But first, to the lake, to Luna Lake.
First, to Luna Lake. Right.

Speaker 1 But first, wine. But first,

Speaker 1 thank you. That was pretty good, right? That was pretty good.
And these guys don't drink anymore.

Speaker 1 But I still enjoy Neville. Oh, yeah.
Oh, do you? I love the way it smells. Oh, yeah.

Speaker 1 I love to be around the country. Yeah, do you? Yeah, you like it.
I like people who drink it. Yeah, okay.
I enjoy being around the ambiance, the atmosphere. If you really like it, have a sip.
Nayak.

Speaker 1 I'll have a. let me have a sniff.
Okay. Oh, that's full body.
That is really nice.

Speaker 1 You wasted it. You both wasted it.
We're not friends anymore. Okay, you know that, right? I can party.
That's all you have to drink because I drank all the water. Yeah.

Speaker 1 Okay, so yeah, you drive further into the night.

Speaker 1 The mists kind of flowing past you.

Speaker 1 Despite how rocky the path is, it is a rather smooth ride. You feel like there's maybe a further enchantment built into this cabin to make it nice and relaxing while you try to sleep.
Great shocks.

Speaker 1 Well, thank you. Yeah, got this thing tricked out.
Yeah. My brother knows cars.
Yeah, which body shop do you go to?

Speaker 1 The best, the good one? Only the best. Yes, they're so thorough.
Because there's like, I'm from Greyhawk. I've been in the back for so long.

Speaker 1 I'm from Greyhawk, and there's just like no body shops there. So if you've got like a recommendation.
Yeah, we're from Trinivale. Yeah, just okay.
Yeah, I've been in Trinyvale.

Speaker 1 Could you like, oh, which part of Trinavale are you from? Top part. Top part, okay, yeah.
The rich part of the party. The rich part, okay, rich part, top party.

Speaker 1 We're very well-to-do. Yeah, I didn't know if that came up yet.

Speaker 1 The name of the mechanic is Top Parts, Top Part. We always add money.
It's not new. Yeah, it's not new.
We're old money and new money. We didn't marry into it.
We had old money. We invested it.

Speaker 1 We made more money. So we're both money.
Sam, you guys are sharp. We have generational wealth that came to us, and now we have more that will go to our office.

Speaker 1 When we spend money, it's not surprising to us. Yeah.

Speaker 1 We don't look at price tags when we go shopping. Yeah, we don't even look at it.
Like, ask me how much milk is. How much is milk? How much is milk? I have no fucking clue.
We don't know.

Speaker 1 Yeah, because we're that old money. I know how much milk is because I'm AI.
Milk is $400.

Speaker 1 Yeah, that sounds right. Yeah, that's right.
That sounds right. I don't know the Trinity Vale Exchange.
That sounds pretty right to me. Yeah.
Okay, well, you guys like, you guys are on a level.

Speaker 1 Top parts, top parts. Okay, I'll check it out next semester.
Top parts. Check it out.

Speaker 1 I don't know that we can get there because of all like the mist and everything. Yeah.
Or like, I'll probably be able to get back, but like I don't know that you will.

Speaker 1 Just forget it. It might not even be open anymore.
I don't know. Yeah.
Because it was open back then, but like who knows how many years have passed since

Speaker 1 the day. And they might only be able to work on Jen's car because there's a lot of people.

Speaker 1 It requires a lot of attention. It's sort of a private mechanic, actually, now that I'm remembering.

Speaker 1 Because we have had money for so long. Yeah, because we've had money for so long.
Well, if we kill Straw. If you didn't take your car to a shop, you would just have someone that worked on your car.

Speaker 1 Do you know what I mean? Yeah, we didn't take it to a shop.

Speaker 1 We had someone take it it for us yeah yeah it was ai it's a self-driving car it drove itself to the shop okay everything you're saying sounds fucking fake okay but if it's true you guys are awesome thanks yeah

Speaker 1 thank you i brush my teeth with champagne

Speaker 1 but you don't drink it no spit it out i spit it out with my toothpaste god damn that's sick as hell

Speaker 1 okay well um i'm super hurt i was like stuck in the basement for like a day and a half so i'm gonna fall asleep yeah i'm gonna pop an ambient and drink a bottle of wine wine. Look, Ambien, yeah.

Speaker 1 Oh, sick. All right, cool.
Thank you.

Speaker 1 Night, everybody. Except for the people who don't drink, go fuck yourselves.

Speaker 1 I can stay up there, buddy.

Speaker 1 Niak says as he falls asleep. Great.
So you guys all get comfy. You do see that Fitbit and also the donk squad is over here as well.

Speaker 1 They all kind of team up and like sleep on a pile of Ismark's clothing in the corner. All of our sweet donkeys.

Speaker 1 And as the

Speaker 1 carriage rattles gently down the old Svalich Road, you all fall asleep, and yet again your minds are filled with strange visions.

Speaker 1 This time,

Speaker 1 you see Strahd's brother Sergei.

Speaker 1 He looks like a younger, more cheerful version of Strahd,

Speaker 1 and you see him dressed in a white military outfit on the day of his wedding. He embraces a woman that looks exactly like like Marina, and instinctually you know this to be Tatiana.

Speaker 1 They embrace, they kiss, and then suddenly a flash of light fills your vision. And then you see Sergei lying on the ground, blood pouring from two small wounds in his neck.

Speaker 1 In his hand he clutches the dawnflower pendant, which gleams faintly with a fierce purple light.

Speaker 1 From above, you hear a familiar cackle,

Speaker 1 followed by screams as Baba Lasaga and three crones shed their earthly disguises and begin launching spells and claws at the remaining wedding guests.

Speaker 1 As the carnage unfolds, Sergei, through the vision, turns to you, his skin growing pale, and says,

Speaker 1 Marina,

Speaker 1 Jens, Nayak, Onyx,

Speaker 1 I have seen you through the mists of time.

Speaker 1 Keep fighting, grow stronger, and above all else, do not give in to despair.

Speaker 1 His body slumps, and his eyes grow dim, and you awaken with a jolt.

Speaker 1 Oh my god. Holy shit.
Jinz, are you okay? You've got like... Is there like a bottle of wine under your sheet? What is that? God, I've got a bottle of wine under here.
What happened?

Speaker 1 I had Sergei spoke to me and said, if Onix and Nayak don't party with you, they're gonna die.

Speaker 1 He said to drop dead. He did say don't give in to despair.
Really? Really?

Speaker 1 Yeah, it's crazy. Did you, well, Onix, did you have a dream? Because I had one, but it didn't mention that part.
Yeah, my dream is like he like talked to all of us and was like,

Speaker 1 you have to be strong. Yeah.
And he was like, you have to be stronger, which made me feel insulted. And I was like, I'm not strong enough already.
Sure, yeah.

Speaker 1 And I wanted to mouth back, but I couldn't because I was paralyzed. Yeah, yeah.

Speaker 1 Hey, don't give in to despair. Give into despair of wine glasses.

Speaker 1 It's really early for that.

Speaker 1 You see, Keychain chugs an entire water cooler bottle. There you go.

Speaker 1 That's okay. You You need that.
Yeah, you need that water. Drink up, Baba.
Drink up, big boy.

Speaker 1 I'm getting stronger.

Speaker 1 So, okay, so I think these, the witches, I think, are straight up at this tree. I think you're near the winery.
It's the boy moms. It's Baba and Saga and Dark Coven.

Speaker 1 Maybe that's the Druids. Yeah, so we got to get rid of the boy moms.
You guys do have to keep partying with me.

Speaker 1 Okay, Nayak, did they say anything in your dream about this?

Speaker 1 They said to keep fighting, and I guess that's kind of saying party in a way, because it's fight against the man, fight against the machine, fight against conformity.

Speaker 1 Yeah, I'm just saying, so like you guys, you know, whatever, just know that you're like risking yourselves. Anyway,

Speaker 1 do we think, is there, okay, so souls are kind of coming back here to Brovia. They're being like recycled.
Is Sergei anywhere? I open up my tote. Markovia?

Speaker 1 I'm going to ask the bone. You open up the bone tote.
Yeah. Great.
Yeah. Yeah.
yeah, you open up the bone tote. Markluvia kind of arises from it.
She says, I like to get a solid 14, please.

Speaker 1 It's so early. Sorry, wake up.
Understood.

Speaker 1 You inquired about Sergei. Yeah.
As I was once the ward of the Abbey, and now I'm tied to this realm.

Speaker 1 I am cut off from the reincarnation cycle, so I cannot say for certain whether Sergei's soul has been reborn, but if it were, I think that Strad would be pursuing it as well.

Speaker 1 He has a fascination with the past. He cannot let go of it.
I think that is why he so doggedly pursues poor Marina. So Marina is Tatiana.

Speaker 1 Yes, the soul has been reborn, and the flesh reflects the soul. That is the way of Barovia.
Marina, did you think Sergei was cool? Did you think he was?

Speaker 1 Yeah, when you had the dream where you like, he's cool. Did you have a dream about Sergei? You don't have to tell us every single part of it.
You have a dirty dream.

Speaker 1 See, Marina's blushing furiously.

Speaker 1 Yeah, he's kind of a smoke show, right?

Speaker 1 Yeah, he's a good-looking guy.

Speaker 1 Yeah, lean, tall. Probably should have used Elf Shot instead of the pendant, but he seems like a pretty cool guy.

Speaker 1 He's so strong. Yeah, he winked at all of you in the dream, right?

Speaker 1 Yeah. Oh, wow, we're at the lake.
Whoa, that's crazy. Brooke, that is.

Speaker 1 You do look out the window and you see that the sun has set now. It is night time.
You traveled through midday and into the night. Oh, our sleep schedule is fucked.
Oh, yeah.

Speaker 1 I need to go to sleep right now.

Speaker 1 Onyx goes back to sleep.

Speaker 1 The wagon clatters peacefully around the lake, but Keychain circles a few times to give everyone a little more chance to wake up and prepare for another day. Great.
I empty the septic into the lake.

Speaker 1 Dave Matthew style.

Speaker 1 Wait, what is that? It's just gray water. Oh, no.
That's... Oh, that was the whole tank.
Dave Matthew style.

Speaker 1 Didn't this?

Speaker 1 You call people out when you're doing it. No, it's an old story.

Speaker 1 You can't do a poopcade on the lake.

Speaker 1 This needs to be a sacred place. Oh, my God.
Sorry, I don't remember all the details. It didn't mean to go in on TMB that hard.

Speaker 1 No, it definitely happened. It definitely happened.
So you all

Speaker 1 step out. of the wagon at this lake.
It is smaller than Lake Tsarovich.

Speaker 1 Sorry. But it is is still a sizable lake.
Jenny's room. I'm visibly disappointed.

Speaker 1 One tries to look hopeful, but she's crying again. You said it was bigger than Lake Tsarevich.
You promised it was the biggest lake.

Speaker 1 Okay, we'll spend time here again. No one ever said that.

Speaker 1 Or did Sergei tell you that? Come on. So, what do I do? Throw your freaking bag into the water? What do I do? This is a swamp.

Speaker 1 It's a glorified fucking swamp.

Speaker 1 It's a a puddle from a parking lot.

Speaker 1 It's a swamp because you poopgated it.

Speaker 1 I can't believe I'm crying right now. It's not my.

Speaker 1 I can't believe I'm crying. It's not my fault that I did what my favorite band is, okay?

Speaker 1 I'm not crying because I'm sad.

Speaker 1 Look,

Speaker 1 I don't know why there's so much shit in the fucking wagon. I was only in there for a few hours.
Yeah, as real time as I was. I didn't even go to the bottom.

Speaker 1 I think Leomund has like a little portal and he's sending like all of his waste here specifically.

Speaker 1 Yeah, there's a central waste hub that connects pretty much every Leoman thing.

Speaker 1 Okay, so it's Leoman's gigantic toilet is what it does.

Speaker 1 He's a gigantic toilet.

Speaker 1 Yeah, it makes it disappear so that you can just like go in a bucket or something. He makes a hole that just sends it to the septic.
It's even more than a jam band would create.

Speaker 1 That's an ensemble. Jesus Louise.

Speaker 1 They generate a lot of waste because you need a lot lot of cards to noodle like that.

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Speaker 1 so um as you dump all of your waste into this lake and also um

Speaker 1 dump

Speaker 1 your emotions out and prepare for a new day,

Speaker 1 you do see these just like beautiful slivers of moonlight fighting to burst through the foggy clouds above And you see these slivers dancing on this exceptionally tranquil lake and as you stare at it preparing for this ritual You do feel a newfound sense of purpose you think back to what Sergei said you think back to Madame Ava and all of the relics and allies you've collected and you feel a sense of resolve and you guys are all now level five.

Speaker 1 Yes. All right.
Yes. You know, it's actually, you know when like the weather's really nice for a while and then it's kind of crappy and you're like, ooh, fall weather finally?

Speaker 1 I'm kind of getting that feeling a little bit, you know? Ooh. It's not that bad.
Yeah. I don't know.
Maybe I'm just trying to make the best of it. Like we're here, right?

Speaker 1 There's lots of flies because of the poop now. Yeah.

Speaker 1 Maybe I'll put on a corded sweater. It's kind of like autumn by the lake.
Yeah. We could do an autumn by the lake thing.
So maybe it's less jet skis.

Speaker 1 It's just, it's leaf peeping. Yeah.
Okay. Let's peep some leaves.
Let's take fall vibes. Okay, let's put it cool.
Yeah. Okay.
Um, all right, so what do we we do with your bones, Markovia?

Speaker 1 You see that Markovia points to a large rowboat at the shore of the lake. Despite the dampness of the air, it does seem to be untouched by rot.

Speaker 1 She gestures you over to it and explains how this ritual is going to work.

Speaker 1 Normally, a halo spell takes 24 hours to cast, but if we all work together, we can cast it faster and more powerfully.

Speaker 1 I think that Esmeralda, with your mastery of evocation, we can also create more of a livable structure, a fortress, a holy stronghold against Strahd and his minions.

Speaker 1 But first, we must place my bones in the center of the lake. I wish we had done that before putting the poop in, but.
Yeah, well, when you hollow it, I think the poop will go away, right?

Speaker 1 That is the hope. That is the hope that you can't.
We must hope. The fortress is going to be a cool lake house.
Let's do that.

Speaker 1 We must not give in to despair. We must hope that the poop shall be removed.
And then perhaps, Esmeralda, you can use this spell on your septic tank that connects all of Leoman's mini properties.

Speaker 1 Yeah. Wow, that's awesome.
That would be so cool.

Speaker 1 So she guides you all to this rowboat.

Speaker 1 As you head down there, you see Keychain transforms into dog mode and says, don't worry, me and the donk squad will keep watch while you make our new clubhouse in the lake. Okay, great.

Speaker 1 Yell if anything goes wrong, I whisper, because the donk squad can't do anything.

Speaker 1 Oh, man, all that talk about drinking wine, I feel like I'm hungover without even drinking. Yeah, no, we know.

Speaker 1 All right, Udo.

Speaker 1 All right, man. Uh, good luck out there.
We'll keep watch. Okay, sure.
Thank God. I wink.

Speaker 1 He trusts us, guys. We got to do this.
I walk over, I get into the boat, I put on headphones, and I wait with my arms folded. Nyack Row.
Oh, yeah. Nyack Rose.
Nyack trips into the boat.

Speaker 1 You hear DMB blaring loudly over your bad headphones as you row to the center of this lake. Eat, drink, and be merry.

Speaker 1 And as you reach the center, Marina drops the tote pack of bones towards the bottom.

Speaker 1 And as they sink and fade from view, the water begins to pulse and hum as ripples of faint blue light emanate from its center. The poop is disappearing!

Speaker 1 It's a miracle!

Speaker 1 I believe in God!

Speaker 1 We must tell Dave Matthews. If only Dave knew.

Speaker 1 The damn journalist never would have got him.

Speaker 1 Jenny punches something.

Speaker 1 Oh, they dragged him, brother.

Speaker 1 They were waiting for that. They love to see a king fail.

Speaker 1 We can make one sweet world with this spell.

Speaker 1 As you all rejoice at the fleeing of the poop, Markovia's form solidifies and begins to glow. She sits in the center of the boat and instructs everyone to join

Speaker 1 Marina, you shall serve as my mortal conduit, tethering my will to this realm. Esmeralda, you will use your evocation magic to give physical form to our new sanctuary.
And of course,

Speaker 1 you three.

Speaker 1 She eyes you with suspicious respect and says, Jens, Onyx, Nayak,

Speaker 1 as those chosen by the cards of fate, you must use your minds to determine the shape this hallowed fortress shall take. Aphraim.
Aphraim, everybody.

Speaker 1 Okay, Onyx has positioned herself between Jens and Nayak because she doesn't want to hold a stranger's hand.

Speaker 1 We're weirdly like stacked on the one side of the boat and start to say,

Speaker 1 Onyx, what the fuck are you doing? Esmeralda's like reaching. It's like, you gotta grab my hand.
Sorry, Esmeralda, I think you're giving Onix the ick.

Speaker 1 I have two hands to hold.

Speaker 1 They haven't moisturized in a while. Come on, give me a fucking break.
Hold my hand. What's What's going on?

Speaker 1 You're being weird.

Speaker 1 Nayaka's right there. I think you have poop on your hand.
And I'm trying to not hold Nyak's hand. It's disappearing.
I'll put a glove on. Because as easy you can hold Nyak's hand.

Speaker 1 You gave the gloves to the corpse bride, dude. We don't have any more gloves.
I didn't give shit to anyone.

Speaker 1 I had a ton of gloves. I only gave her a couple.

Speaker 1 So as you figure out your position here, you all reluctantly grab hands and the ritual begins.

Speaker 1 Beneath the boat, the rippling blue light forms an island that expands until it's large enough to support a house.

Speaker 1 As this ghostly mass appears, Markovia turns and asks: Now tell me first, what style of house should this sacred fortress resemble? A-frame. Whoever holds the purest vision in their house.

Speaker 1 A-frame. Okay,

Speaker 1 that could be.

Speaker 1 A-frame could be sponsored. A-frame really can't be.
It's cabin core. A-frame, frame.

Speaker 1 You wish it it all to be an A-frame. A-frame.
A-frame. Very well.
Focus your hearts and your minds on an A-frame. And somebody roll me a history or religion check.
So why don't I give Bardic to Onyx?

Speaker 1 Okay. Great.
And then you can make the check. Okay.
Can I help as well? Yes, of course. Great.
You can

Speaker 1 help and give her Bardic. You're all holding hands.
You're all part of this ritual. You feel the humming and pulsing of this spiritual mass beneath you as it begins to take form.

Speaker 1 Onyx, you think back to your college days, that one class you took on architectural design.

Speaker 1 Yeah,

Speaker 1 okay, I remember. Turrets, spires.

Speaker 1 Spires and an A-frame.

Speaker 1 Don't think of them for this A-frame.

Speaker 1 A frame with like so much, so many like gothic attention.

Speaker 1 That's so many frames. The A-frame is supposed to be shaped like an A.
Why is it got

Speaker 1 a W frame? Why does it have turrets?

Speaker 1 So it's a pitched roof with some turrets. Yeah, it's an A frame and then there's towers on the side.
And if you do all whitewashed brick, it can be more like a McMansion.

Speaker 1 Okay, whitewashed brick, but also medieval fortifications. Hold fast to the vision.

Speaker 1 Things are changing.

Speaker 1 I got a 16. 16.
Okay, so we're going to do this kind of mash style. How well you roll will determine how good the house is.
With a 16.

Speaker 1 Oh,

Speaker 1 you managed to make a pretty tasteful A-frame that's whitewashed with turrets.

Speaker 1 Okay, I mean, I do love a McMansion. I don't know that we needed the turret.

Speaker 1 So it's definitely more of a W frame, right?

Speaker 1 What is a W but an A with two towers on the side?

Speaker 1 And a turret. You speak your idea.
You form it in your mind.

Speaker 1 Sorry, I couldn't stop thinking about turrets the second you told me not to think of them. Oh, there's another turret.

Speaker 1 They keep popping up.

Speaker 1 Turrets just pop up like zits. You see lines of glittering blue light rise from this ghostly island, crisscrossing and intersecting into an explosion of turrets and frames.

Speaker 1 As this W-framed mansion full of turrets comes into being. Kind of cubist.
Yeah.

Speaker 1 It's brutalist, that's what it is. Markovia looks

Speaker 1 troubled, but she shakes it off and continues. And now, inside this mighty bastion, what glorious rooms await us? Mid-century modern.
Mid-century modern. No, mid-century modern.
What is it called?

Speaker 1 Open space? Open floor plan. Open floor plan.
Open floor plan.

Speaker 1 Open concept mid-century, but like grandma still lives there. So like vinyl tablecloths, plastic on the couch.

Speaker 1 Okay,

Speaker 1 maximalists, sort of with tchotchkis on the wall.

Speaker 1 Yes, can we do a whole wall of glass figurines, little angels that are chubby? Can they do angels? Chubby angels. Little chubby angels.
Chubby angels. Can they be bashful? Chubby, bashful angels.

Speaker 1 Bashful angels. They have bashful cheeks and bashful butts.

Speaker 1 Oh, the angels have bashful little butts. They'll be so shy about it.
They're bashful little angels. Bashful angels everywhere.
Everywhere.

Speaker 1 Everywhere.

Speaker 1 I want to not be able to move an inch without touching. On the hand towels.

Speaker 1 On the toilet paper rack. Yeah.
On the potholders.

Speaker 1 On the closet doors. On the the closet doors.
On every piece of clothing in there.

Speaker 1 How do you move in this house?

Speaker 1 Just walk around stepping on angels. Cheeky chairs.

Speaker 1 Yeah, you picture a house that is entirely made of glass cabinets and surfaces covered in cheeky little angels. Yeah.
Yeah, they're bashful. Bashful, bashful.

Speaker 1 Bashful. Great.
So as you peer inside this house,

Speaker 1 one big one.

Speaker 1 One big room. One big one.

Speaker 1 One big chubby angel. One big chubby angel? Oh, yeah, like a, like greeting us like a butler at the front door.
Oh, yeah, yeah.

Speaker 1 Let's put it cool. You can hang your keys there.
Yeah. Yeah.

Speaker 1 So as you peer into this house investigating this like blueprint in your mind, give me an investigation check. Okay, I'll give barbecue inspiration to NIAC.
Nayak, I can give you help as well.

Speaker 1 All right.

Speaker 1 Hell yeah. 21.

Speaker 1 21.

Speaker 1 It's gaudier than you could have ever thought possible. Yeah.
It is resplendent.

Speaker 1 Oh, and then we need the wine signs as well.

Speaker 1 Wine signs and bashful angels.

Speaker 1 The angels are all holding the wine signs. Yeah.
Yeah. There's like a little, there's one angel in the bathroom that's like holding the toilet paper bowl.

Speaker 1 And like all it's a bunch of like angels drinking wine, but they're clearly babies, but it's fine because they're angels, right?

Speaker 1 Maybe the plunger is in an angel who's like pinching his nose like peeu. Yeah, that's so good.
Yeah, like he can't stand the scent of your shit in your ass.

Speaker 1 But he's bashful about it. He's so bashful about it.
His cheeks are red.

Speaker 1 Interesting. My cheeks are red, and so is my wine.

Speaker 1 This, yes, here it is. Our holy fortress.

Speaker 1 It is holy. It does look holy, I must give you that.
Yeah, I mean, it's covered in angels. Very good.
We are nearly done. The ritual is almost complete.

Speaker 1 Now, I must ask you, the grounds of this sacred dwelling. What features define it? Turrets.

Speaker 1 Oh, yeah. Turret yard? Of turrets.
Turret yard.

Speaker 1 Yeah.

Speaker 1 Pea gravel.

Speaker 1 What is pea gravel? What is that? Just like crushed stone everywhere. Oh, yeah.
Get rid of the lawn and just have stones. Yes.
So you have to wear shoes to go on your own lawn.

Speaker 1 Because it's a drought-resistant rock lawn. Rock lawn.
Maybe a couple broken-down cars.

Speaker 1 Oh, that's really fun.

Speaker 1 Cool cars. Yeah.

Speaker 1 We'll go cool cars. Rocks.
Like that monument in the desert with the Cadillacs, you know? Yeah. That's pretty cool.

Speaker 1 Yeah, so Stone Lawn.

Speaker 1 Stone Lawn. Stone Lawn.
Stone Lawn. I mean, it should basically be a parking lot, is the thing, because we have a lot of cars.
And if people visit, where will they park? Yeah. Yeah, a parking lot.

Speaker 1 Oh, let's just do a parking lot.

Speaker 1 I'm sorry, let's just do a parking lot. Okay, yeah, yeah.
Pave it over. We need something that gets so hot to the past.

Speaker 1 And then there'll be a sign that says they paved paradise and put up a parking lot, and it got even better. Yeah, because we love parking lots.
Because parking lots are where you park to get wine.

Speaker 1 Thank you. Yeah.
Yeah, yeah.

Speaker 1 Maybe we even

Speaker 1 put it down,

Speaker 1 draw lines for where cars would park. Yeah, we have a lot of lines, so it's kind of hard to park there.
Like compact cars. Yeah, it's just a parking lot.
Small lines for compact cars only.

Speaker 1 With lots of signs preventing people from parking, sarah. Oh, yeah.

Speaker 1 A parking lot for our secret layer. Perfect.
Yeah.

Speaker 1 All right.

Speaker 1 Okay, as you picture this beautiful, pristine parking lot outside of your W-frame grandma house. Holy shit.

Speaker 1 It's perfect. Go ahead and give me a nature roll.
Okay, that should be NIAC, right? That's probably NIAC. No, I have plus zero to nature.
I have a plus zero tool.

Speaker 1 I'm sorry. You're an idiot.
Like,

Speaker 1 is that not his whole thing? I just aren't Onyx. Are you like,

Speaker 1 what is his deal? Do you use intelligence? I think I use. I guess I do.
I guess I do. Okay.
No, I don't. Who doesn't? No.

Speaker 1 I use wisdom.

Speaker 1 Yeah, oh, yeah, because it's wisdom. Oh, and nature is intelligent.
That's

Speaker 1 nature's intelligence. That's such a funny insult.
Do you use intelligence?

Speaker 1 It doesn't. So actually, it makes sense.

Speaker 1 Actually, I'm on your side. Yeah, that's a problem with the game, not NIAC.
I already know anything about nature. Do you have any nature?

Speaker 1 Plus zero. Plus zero.
Okay, I have plus three. Okay, whoa.
Okay, I'll make a nature check for the parking lot.

Speaker 1 Okay, I'll give you an help action. Okay, thank you.

Speaker 1 13. 13,

Speaker 1 this is a

Speaker 1 tacky but tasteful parking lot. Hooters style.
Wow. Delightfully tacky yet unrefined.
It is just, it is a Hooters parking lot. It's a Hooters parking lot.

Speaker 1 Do they have any of those horses that you can put the quarter in and ride?

Speaker 1 Oh, definitely. There's one of those.

Speaker 1 I do think, yeah, as you look, as it forms, you can see that this was clearly a Hooters once, and then it was rebuilt into this W. Then the W became, yeah, it was built out from a Hooters.

Speaker 1 It was like the IHOP A-frame then we built another A-frame to make it a it became a Hooters then we moved in out of turrets. This used to be a really nice hooter's you can tell.

Speaker 1 Oh yes it was a W frame Hooters because that kind of looks like boobs. Oh yeah.
There you go. There we go.
Sad pointy ones. It's so hot.
Oh it's witch hooters. Yeah witch deeds.
Wooters.

Speaker 1 Witch teeth. So you see this parking lot manifest.
You see this like beautiful, lush spiritual ground starts growing. And it just gets flattened into this Hooters parking lot.

Speaker 1 There we go. Markovia just shakes her head, but plows forward and says, Finally, the spell is almost complete.
We must name this hallowed hall. What title?

Speaker 1 Tudors. Hooters.

Speaker 1 Hooters too. Hooters too.
Tutors.

Speaker 1 Tudors. Hooters too.
Tutors. Tutors.
T-W-O-R-T-E-R-S. Tutors.
Tutors. It's It's like a tutor.
Yeah.

Speaker 1 And the W and two of Tudors is the W frame. It's a Tudor style.

Speaker 1 Delightfully tacky yet hollowed.

Speaker 1 Why do you think we need these turrets? Because everyone is trying to come to Uders 2.

Speaker 1 That's why we have to have so many parking spaces.

Speaker 1 But also turrets to not allow them. Very well.

Speaker 1 New pilgrims shall flock here. All those that oppose Strahd shall come to Tudors.

Speaker 1 I just realized this is actually so rude because we call it, we set up the expectation of Uders, but it's just a bunch of bashful baby butts.

Speaker 1 And it's also just our house. Markudia, if people are going to flock here, we should put a pay station in the parking lot.
Oh, yeah, pay to park. And a Spotfucker's drive-through.
Oh, that's good.

Speaker 1 Yes. And there could be a Sputfuckers drive-through.
Yeah. Maybe like some supercharged stations, Esmeralda chimes in.
Yeah. For like electric cars.
Sure, as long as we can charge for that. Yeah.

Speaker 1 That's what I'm thinking. Yeah.
Okay. Well, most of the like sun power and the water and air is going to be being used by keychain.
So let's not do that. I'm going to be the sassy waiter.

Speaker 1 There you go.

Speaker 1 As you say this last thing, you do see a little sign that says future home of spudfuckers appears next to it.

Speaker 1 And this hollow spell is complete.

Speaker 1 You see, as it finishes, this glistening bridge appears connecting the island to the lake shore. Wow, look at this wet bridge.
Look at this highway.

Speaker 1 Let's put a toll on the bridge.

Speaker 1 Oh, that's a good idea. You guys are really clever.
Esmeralda's all about it.

Speaker 1 It's tough out there. You gotta make money when you can.
And maybe a parking lot to wait to go onto the bridge to compare.

Speaker 1 That's smart. Yeah, we'll do a ferry.

Speaker 1 Yeah, there should be a restaurant on the other side of the water, too, in case the toll road gets too busy and you have to stop and eat before you get to Tudor's.

Speaker 1 Very good. This place has now become hallowed.
To the eyes of the wicked, it shall appear as nothing more than a simple lake.

Speaker 1 But to those who seek to defeat Strad and purge this land of its curse, Tudors

Speaker 1 shall serve as an unbreakable refuge.

Speaker 1 Bashful angels, wine signs,

Speaker 1 lake o'clock.

Speaker 1 It's a lot, I must admit.

Speaker 1 But it is your

Speaker 1 parking

Speaker 1 Really good on it. Dude, I bow and then I jump into the lake.

Speaker 1 She doesn't know how to swim.

Speaker 1 Oh, my God.

Speaker 1 I've never seen anyone drown that fast. I go limp.

Speaker 1 She gave up so fast. She's finally getting buried at sea.
Nayak, get in there and get her out. Nayak flops in, also doesn't know how to swim.
I sink to the bottom. Jesus.

Speaker 1 Nayak sinks to the bottom, too.

Speaker 1 I painstakingly save both of them. Jesus.

Speaker 1 So as you pull a sopping wet Onyx out of the water and back onto the sacred land,

Speaker 1 you see Keychain and the Donk Squad meet up with you. You all enter the Tudors,

Speaker 1 surrounded by these glistening, bashful angel dolls and wine signs. Oh, you guys are so shy.

Speaker 1 And as you sit there, Markovia, now kind of fully replenished, you see she is essentially corporeal in this space. Her silver armor and blue tabard kind of look refreshed and renewed.

Speaker 1 She looks totally in her element, once more a high priest and warrior of the Morning Lord, ready to fight against Strahd.

Speaker 1 She welcomes you in and then turns to Marina and says, Marina, you have fought bravely, child, but you still have much to learn. If you wish, I could teach you here.

Speaker 1 As long as you remain in this tutor's, you will be safe from Strahd's influence. And if you submit to my tutelage, I can forge you into a deadly weapon to tutor it.

Speaker 1 Tutelage with a W. Yes, of course.

Speaker 1 And two Os.

Speaker 1 Like they're tatas.

Speaker 1 Nayak, that's crass. Stop.

Speaker 1 I can teach you.

Speaker 1 It's okay. We have to work with what we have.
Sorry. I have to cool off.
Nayak jumps in the lake.

Speaker 1 I jump in and save him

Speaker 1 after he doesn't service for three minutes.

Speaker 1 Markovi ignores you and continues talking to Marina.

Speaker 1 Marina, I swear, on the morning, Lord, on the blade of truth, on these very lands, I will forge you into a deadly weapon against the vampire and all his forces.

Speaker 1 You see, Marina holds out her sword and looks conflicted.

Speaker 1 She turns to Jins and says, It's fine.

Speaker 1 You you would allow this, Swordmaster? Uh, yeah, yeah, no, that's fine. I know that this is a big decision.
Yep. Okay.

Speaker 1 You're good.

Speaker 1 Very well.

Speaker 1 Thank you. Yep.
She bows deeply, sheaths her sword, and says, When you see me again, I shall be strong enough to stand with you against Rod.

Speaker 1 Yeah.

Speaker 1 Well, you know,

Speaker 1 I still don't have a second attack.

Speaker 1 So

Speaker 1 I just look sad.

Speaker 1 I thought at level five, I got a second attack. And then I looked at my character sheet, and I don't get it till level six.
So what the fuck do I have to teach you, Marina?

Speaker 1 I jump into the water and sink.

Speaker 1 I jump in the water to save you immediately, Jins.

Speaker 1 I jump in and also sink.

Speaker 1 Jins, this time, Udo and the dog squad help pull you out.

Speaker 1 And as they put you back inside the W frame,

Speaker 1 they look to you and say, Jinz, if it's all right, I think we'd like to train here too. Yeah.
It's okay. Yep, 100%.
I just feel like... It's alright if I never see you again.
Yeah, it's fine.

Speaker 1 Yeah, no, you guys need it, so please. For sure.
If you wanted to go home, if you wanted to train here, if you wanted to join Strahd, honestly, you guys would be pretty easy to meet.

Speaker 1 Whatever you guys need to do. Okay.
Yeah. We've spoken amongst ourselves.
Okay.

Speaker 1 And we've decided that until we can return to being human, we'll use our donkey powers to make a world where all truly will be well.

Speaker 1 He holds up his hooved fist. Sorry, did you park here? Did you, how did you get here? Are you in the live? How did you get here? Do you think you paid the toll and we did so where?

Speaker 1 Do I need to validate? We do not know we do not validate. The sign said validate, but I couldn't figure out where to do it.
We don't validate. We don't talk about it.
But

Speaker 1 you do need to be validated. I don't have money because I'm a donkey, man.
Okay. And I don't know.

Speaker 1 Do you know people that have money?

Speaker 1 Do we need to put up a sign? Do not cross this bridge unless you have money.

Speaker 1 Actually, we already have one up. All right.
Well, I mean, people are going to come here and they're going to go to the spud fuckers. We can charge them.
And then maybe I'll get a part-time job there.

Speaker 1 Is that okay? Yeah, you can work at the spud fuckers. Okay, right.
All right. Udo, you know, I've been hard on you, but you know, you helped us out by yelling at the Baron that one time.

Speaker 1 You're brave, even if you're bad at fighting and you're kind of dumb.

Speaker 1 Thank you.

Speaker 1 Thank you for believing in me. He leans in for a kiss.

Speaker 1 Jen's less confused, but

Speaker 1 gives him a back and goes to... Sorry, yeah.
Sorry. Yeah, sorry.

Speaker 1 Your faith will not be in vain. Yeah, I think I'm married.

Speaker 1 Me too, I think. Yeah.
Geez. Well, my mind is imperfect from the process.
Okay. Anyway, we will work hard, and I promise you, we will be ready when you return.
All right.

Speaker 1 Keep the angels bashful for us.

Speaker 1 Yes, please. You've already kicked over several angels.
I would appreciate if you could watch where you're walking. They're just everywhere.
They're just everywhere. They're just frankly everywhere.

Speaker 1 And I'm still kind of drunk.

Speaker 1 Markovia nods

Speaker 1 and then she turns to you and says, yes, complete your errands at the winery, then return here. When the time to challenge Strahd has come, they will be ready.

Speaker 1 She nods at you and then turns back to face her new pupils, knocking over a couple angels as she does. Hey, hey, hey, sorry, sorry,

Speaker 1 collector.

Speaker 1 That one one was so bashful.

Speaker 1 It was mostly butt.

Speaker 1 Yeah. That's why it was so bashful.
What do you think it's bashful about? That's why he was bashful. Oh, my God.
She pulls out her sword, knocking over more angels. Oh, my God.

Speaker 1 You ate us. Yeah, the ones with the huge wings are just hard not to knock over.

Speaker 1 From this day forth, you are all my pupils. You are the wards of St.
Markovia, and I shall make sure that you are all warriors forged. Train in the parking lot, okay?

Speaker 1 That is what it's there for. To the parking lot!

Speaker 1 You see, they all march to the parking lot, cheering, excited, eager to train and get stronger.

Speaker 1 And they all wave at you as you cross the bridge and head back to your wagon with Esmeralda. I just realized it's a holy place, so we don't have to pay taxes.
Wow!

Speaker 1 Did you think of that? That's excellent, right? Don't charge us.

Speaker 1 It's a tax shelter.

Speaker 1 And Sputfuckers is on this land. Yeah.
Oh, my God. Once we open, this is the flagship Sputfuckers.
Every cent we earn is untaxed. We need to be making religious fast food.
Yeah.

Speaker 1 Yeah.

Speaker 1 It's been done. It's been done.
No, no, no. But there's

Speaker 1 a lot of people who are in the future. We can do it better.
We keep all the angels. The decor stays the same.

Speaker 1 I have no idea what you guys are talking about, but it sounds awesome. I want in.
Yeah.

Speaker 1 Okay, first, number one, we kill stroud. Number two, we make shit tons of money on this restaurant church or whatever.
Sounds great. Okay.
I'm happy to help you. You saved my life.

Speaker 1 I am at your disposal. All right.
All right, depending on how much you help kill Strad, that's you know how much of a partner you are. Makes sense to me, baby.

Speaker 1 And we might not want to make this out promise because there's like, I mean, is the donk squad going to come along and suddenly say our partner? Yeah, actually, you know what?

Speaker 1 We're going to pay you, we'll pay you as an independent contractor. Yeah,

Speaker 1 that makes sense to anything. Yeah.
Yeah. Okay.
I mean, yeah,

Speaker 1 whatever works best for you. I'm really just here to try and see if my master is still alive.
But you know, if I can make some fucking gold on the side, that's great. All right.
Okay. Okay.

Speaker 1 Shall we go to the winery? Yeah. Let's do it.
Yeah, a good drink. Yeah.
We all better have a drink because Sergei said, you know, he said what he said. Let's face it.
I look grimly and I walk in.

Speaker 1 They might have not an alcoholic. So you all climb back aboard the wagon.

Speaker 1 The spectral horses whinny as you leave the Luna Lake Basin and your new base, Tudors, behind, and start climbing the gently sloping hills towards the winery.

Speaker 1 Eventually, you see a series of unpainted fences lining a dirt path, which skirts north towards a sprawling vineyard and a stately manor.

Speaker 1 The fog here takes on ghostly forms as it swirls between the neatly tinted rows of grapevines.

Speaker 1 On the ground, you see rope-handled half-barrels used for hauling grapes, some of which have fallen over and spilled their contents.

Speaker 1 Near the manor, you see several workers in thick cloaks huddled together, but none of them look at you.

Speaker 1 And none of this holds your attention for long.

Speaker 1 Because beyond the vineyard, on a neighboring hill, you see a colossal figure looming through the fog.

Speaker 1 At first,

Speaker 1 you think it must be some sort of giant, but on closer inspection, you see what it truly is:

Speaker 1 a massive tree.

Speaker 1 Its crooked limbs reach upward like hands from a grave, and its gnarled trunk twists into a shape that almost resembles a smile.

Speaker 1 As you gaze upon its colossal frame, you hear a single word echoing in your head:

Speaker 1 Gorvias.

Speaker 1 Gorthias!

Speaker 1 Gothias? Gothias tree. Suddenly, the air is filled with the sound of crackling twigs.
You chilt your head to the side just in time to see one of the grapevines start to move.

Speaker 1 It untangles itself and rises slowly. revealing a set of sharp wooden claws.

Speaker 1 More branches snap in the distance, and through the fog, you see an army of brittle forms rise.

Speaker 1 They claw at the air and start shambling right towards you.

Speaker 1 And that's where we'll end our session.

Speaker 1 Little tree guys. Little tree guys.
We're gonna hang out before we fight tree guys. We're fighting trees.
You gotta earn your hangout, budge.

Speaker 1 This happens anytime you go on a wine tour. You gotta fight some tree guy.
You got to fight the tree. Ask anyone.
You have to prune. You got to pay the tree toll.

Speaker 1 Oh, guys, that was so much fun.

Speaker 1 I wish we could have spent more time at Tudor's, but we will definitely be back.

Speaker 1 It was a pleasure. I'm excited to hear about your design process when we get into it on the short rest.
Oh, yeah. You can listen to that short rest at patreon.com slash nadpod, n-ad-d-p-od.
Don't

Speaker 1 sing yet.

Speaker 1 Don't sing yet. I'm going to throw you to the trees.
Okay. Does anyone have anything they want to plug? Yeah, I'll plug my stack.
Substack.com slash at j Kurwitz. Ooh, nice.

Speaker 1 Go read his words. Please.
And I would love to plug once again the NADPod calendar. This is a bunch of talented fan artists who have gotten together to make a 2026 calendar for charity.

Speaker 1 All profits are going to go to the UNICEF Gaza Appeal. And I have exciting news.
We are actually going to match the donations. So whatever they end up sending over, we are going to double that.

Speaker 1 Beautiful. So please go pick one up.
Linktree.com slash NAD calendar. I believe is where you can find all of the pertinent links.
So go check that out and please support a good cause.

Speaker 1 Yes, thank you to all the artists that put that together and are working on it. Yeah, I can't wait to see it.
Oh, yeah.

Speaker 1 And you can follow us on social media there, Miriam Renat Us at chmervisme at Caldis Caldwell, Addie Extra Demily, and at J Cochras Jake. And you can talk about the show online using hashtag NATPOT.

Speaker 1 That's NADDPOD.

Speaker 1 We are, we are

Speaker 1 youth of the nation.

Speaker 1 We are, we are, the youth of the nation.

Speaker 1 It's the end of the show, and you know what that means?

Speaker 1 It's time to shout out our benevolent Council of Elders, starting with Brad D., Jeffrey S., Lord of the Fjord, later Mixgater, Matt M, Cutter W, Jeff C, Daniel G, Danielle the dastardly dame, Carpe Liam, Victor T.

Speaker 1 Balmor's boy, Hoyd's friend, Justin I, Danny Danster, TJM, Trele the Cray Faye, Christopher B. Drohe or Dr.
Ohe. Now you have to say it.
Not sure if I said it right, so I said it two different ways.

Speaker 1 I hope I got it. Jordan L.
Cyborg version of Josh the Kobold. Targot.
Stevie Waggs. Hellish Rebuker the NBDMPHD.
Jory S. Jack L.

Speaker 1 Nicholas C. Star of Every Film Ever Made in Bohemia.
Mike H. Alka Smeltzer Plus, Great Value Gemma.

Speaker 1 Tyler F. Cece Lulu, Bald Byrne, HerQ Parot, Sarapitfork Detective.
Timmy R. Jakes Jerk Jelly.
Hashtag CCC. Cass Skateboard.
Cass.

Speaker 1 Stephen C. Still looking for that drunk Asimar who swore a blood oath to him once.
Ooh, I want to hear that story. Nick W.

Speaker 1 Nico the underpaid English teacher. God bless you.
William W. Big Bat Birdo the Mad.
Anana Rama. Percival Frederick Stein von Musil Klazowski de Rolo III.

Speaker 1 Jay Dragonborn Guardian of the Vibe. Honoring the Cock.

Speaker 1 Impressive Dongle.

Speaker 1 Ben A. Dave H.

Speaker 1 Not That Nick. Danny F.
Hawkeye Pierce. Big Bad John.

Speaker 1 DPC is awesome.

Speaker 1 Shoon, the shade-tree mechanic of Celbal Dar, Summer Rose Grand Terre, Mark, the Dark Lords, Taint,

Speaker 1 Kat C, Misa of House and Zunza, Ariel, the occasional mermaid, Selena and Valaci Raptor, B Perky Oways,

Speaker 1 Pat L, Lauren H, Serve16,

Speaker 1 Annie, the Fay Wild Therapist, Pierogi Frenzy, BioQuirt 7, Bean Rat was innocent, Trub Hopdropper, Jack H.

Speaker 1 King of the Mole People under Iron Deep, dressed in blue and fighting his way through a bracket style tournament, Valen Paj, the bitch and bonny bard, Druidic PayN, Carlin C, Omri M, Noah the gentleman, Fister, hashtag honor the cock, James G.

Speaker 1 Everything Bago, the Elazrian who just wants to hang out with this pet badger, Stripey, Reverend Chatterbones, Han,

Speaker 1 Eric B., Marcos, PhD, Eventually,

Speaker 1 Learns the Balance, Druid, Frida M., Maggie, Grim Waller, Executive Chef of Bahomia, Bud Heavy, Russell H, a monk named Dilgo, Cody C, Lorelei, the succubi, and Kira the succulent snack, cow go truck, and

Speaker 1 I think I've read that one before, but it really makes me laugh. Your friendly neighborhood, yon, and yunko, Andrew, and Sid.

Speaker 1 Don't skip over Thanksgiving. John Adams loves it.
Oh, I mean, it is, I love stuff, and I really do. James F.
Wayfair now has to do something with the trolls.

Speaker 1 Get rid of them, turn to page 42, keep them turned to page 69.

Speaker 1 Oreo, Burpo, Good Barrel, Bard Barryan, Charlie Brown's best friend, Renee, the monster captain, Olivia the enchanting bard, and Jared, the soap opera cleric, who are playing the wedding march for Onyx.

Speaker 1 Thank you. Blue Ash, Fico, Garrett the Artificer, J, K Guard, Fancy Matt.
The fairies have returned to debauchery and must now go to the Carnal Corner.

Speaker 1 Kentrip Dumbledore, the bare onesie-wearing barbarian, Lexi H, MJ the BFG, Roger L. Nodrog, the pass-a-this barbarian,

Speaker 1 Brian L and Eric B are running a 50k.

Speaker 1 Woo!

Speaker 1 Jean Luca, Leon Komori, legendary hero of Bahumia from a future campaign, Shenanigans O'Connor, Mios the Great, Joshua S., Alexander, Lins W., Sky the Wise, aka the lone dungeon master, the spudfucker himself, Johnny Dude K, the mischief of Nadpots familiars, Pavu Eskinar, the Goliath Paladin providing service with a smile, Jakewell Murphaly, Tim M, Dragon Knight86.

Speaker 1 Skrungle, the main event. T-R,

Speaker 1 MLG Cheeto, Shelby Kenna's first favorite sprite girl. Thank you for the incredible D20 tour.
Mas Vegas was my favorite, manifesting my first NatPod Live in 2026.

Speaker 1 I'm hoping to manifest that for you too, and I hope you enjoyed Vegas.

Speaker 1 Jet S, Snailis, the Eldritch Snail, Death to Tyrants, Stormy52, Mima Sky Days, Megan N., Genevieve of the Sea, Anthony B., Balnor's best friend Steve, Stephanie of House and Zunza, Benjamin A.

Speaker 1 Gimli the Corgi Pawpawn Foster's canine friend, so cute.

Speaker 1 Mikkel A, S-Tier Crickwater Enjoyer, Josh Hole Pilot of the Nightmare Verse Flight The two crew blew through Ethan the mailman Maple the shy bookworm Nick AJ Ashosaurus Seth the stroker bearer of all hog-related burdens Billy Batson Tori the tungsten dragoose accidental sharer of recipes Michael Lyle S the second meow meow kitten

Speaker 1 Carl B Plumber of the Realm. Ace Dreggs, High Lord of Kritzburg.
Vin Diagram, Catamilius the Consumed. Cam, the Vampire Frogman.
Dean, Jake W. High Mom.
Tuesday Cross.

Speaker 1 Only here for the surf and murph. Who isn't? We love you, Rat Jesus.
Nadpod fan and Bar Mitzford man. It's Dave O,

Speaker 1 Steve Law, Tyler M, God Dog, Zibboda Backery, Kaylee, Katerina C, Misty the Crispy Kitty, really hates flame skulls, Greg W. There's so many of us now, but hey, you're doing great and we love you.

Speaker 1 Thank you, right back at you. Baruch Thunderhelm, fifth generation Minotaur working as an abandoned labyrinth, tour guide Chuba Cobry, Bony is dead.
The Waterworth, your four-legged Greg companion.

Speaker 1 Oh, I forget about that and then I read it and I remember and I gotta do that someday. Nick, Amy, Aegis Canari, Ignition Class Petal Storm, not a DJ, but will still take the gig.
DJ Dramamine.

Speaker 1 My favorite patron makes me say penis on my show. Chef Julie B, support your local food pantry.
Mama Mayhem, happy hoglidays.

Speaker 1 Jen rules kinda caitlin h butt wax tomas c dark lotus creations joshua h jacob m louis h aj d and finally ben v thank you all so much we love you

Speaker 1 goodbye my sweeties

Speaker 1 that was a headgum podcast

Speaker 1 What's going on? It's Lamorne Morris. And Hannah Simone.
And we host The Mess Around, a New Girl Rewatch podcast now on Headgum. Now, here's the thing.

Speaker 1 Every single week, we chat about an episode of New Girl, and we really get into it. Like, we get up in there.
We get up in there. You know, we reminisce about our times on set.

Speaker 1 We share behind-the-scenes tea. We react to re-watching episodes that we haven't seen in years.
We talk about how Jake Johnson is dog f ⁇ ing. That's not true.

Speaker 1 We talk about so many memories we have of working with the biggest stars on the planet. I'm talking Prince, Taylor Swift, Olivia Rodrigo.
We're just two BFFs having a good old time, okay?

Speaker 1 Sometimes we even talk to other co-stars like Zoe Deschanel, Jake Johnson, Max Greenfield, and Damon Waynes Jr. And your dad, we talk to your dad on this show as well.

Speaker 1 Make sure you subscribe to the mess around wherever you get your podcasts. New episodes drop every single Tuesday.