Trinyvale X Strahd - Ep. 13: Something Old

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Speaker 1 This is a Head Gam podcast.

Speaker 2 Welcome to Trinivale.

Speaker 2 Trini Vale.

Speaker 2 And also, Barrovia.

Speaker 2 Barrovia.

Speaker 2 That was a good one. You guys are on fire, and so are all my plans.

Speaker 2 But that's okay, friends, because I am still your Dracula Uncle, aka Drunkle Caldwell Tanner, and I'm joined, as always, by my pyrotechnic players, Brian Murphy. I conspire to set this place on fire.

Speaker 2 Jenslyn Dell.

Speaker 2 Yes. Emily Axford.

Speaker 5 Sent from the faith to blow them away.

Speaker 2 Woo!

Speaker 5 It's Alex Lemier.

Speaker 2 Yes, yes, it's heating up.

Speaker 6 And Jake Hurwitz. Can we win this battle? Let's see.
Because we're feeling pretty sexy.

Speaker 2 Nyack of the Red. Oh, yeah.
Oh, yeah.

Speaker 2 The code words have been unleashed, as have the barrels.

Speaker 2 Friends, before we burn this literal house down, how about a quick recap?

Speaker 2 Good. Goody.

Speaker 2 When last we met, you three were making your final preparations before your ascent to the Abbey of St. Markovia.

Speaker 2 Bluetooth, who had been spying on the abbot, flew back down to the burgomaster's mansion and retrieved the dream journal from under the baron's pillow.

Speaker 2 The journal revealed that the baron was considering buying land near the Wizard of Wines from a man named Dolter von Holtz, and also that Izek was his bastard's son.

Speaker 2 Much to Jin's chagrin, you added all this information to your to-do list.

Speaker 2 They wanted to go deal deal with it immediately, which is wild. Yeah, why not?

Speaker 5 First thing in front of me, most interesting.

Speaker 2 It's just a different strategy, man. You got to prioritize what's important to you.

Speaker 2 Onyx then expressed her pride in Bluetooth for completing his mission and told him that he was just about ready to fly solo.

Speaker 2 You then sent him on one final mommy mission to plant the dream journal under Erwin's bed.

Speaker 2 Afterwards, Onyx contacted Ariana, who rewarded her delegating skills by switching her pact from chain to blade.

Speaker 2 She summoned a mall covered in phone charms and completed her preparations by disguising herself to look like the morning lord.

Speaker 2 Also,

Speaker 2 oh, yeah, you insisted on it.

Speaker 2 This was also to Jin's chagrin. Yeah.
Next, Nyak snuck into town and stole donkey masks for you all to wear.

Speaker 6 That was to Jensa's grin.

Speaker 2 Yeah, I did tell you to do that.

Speaker 2 With the masks on, you were able to easily get past the guards at the Abbey gate and proceed up the hill.

Speaker 2 After sneaking past the mutant welcoming party, you made your way into the east wing of the abbey, where you found an abandoned nursery and the ghost of Marina's biological mother, Demira.

Speaker 2 Demira revealed that she had died in this very room and was now charged by St. Markovia with protecting a sacred weapon known as the sunsword.

Speaker 2 She also surmised that Marina's father might be Emric the Farmer, or Emer Slick, as he's known to some. Drowning in it.

Speaker 2 Just absolutely gushing.

Speaker 6 Do you need a a snorkel, sir?

Speaker 2 Once Marina pulled the sword from its hiding place and handed it to Jinz, Markovia herself appeared and somewhat reluctantly blessed the triplet's mission.

Speaker 2 You all then made your way to the operating room where you found a fly-headed mutant in the process of transforming Udo and the other lawbreakers into actual donkeys.

Speaker 2 You interrupted the process, leaving Udo and the others transformed but free of the Abbot's mind control. They agreed to help you fight and waited for the code word kinda sexy to be uttered.

Speaker 2 Finally, you made your way to the morgue, where you found barrels of body parts left over from the abbot's creation.

Speaker 2 Struck by inspiration, Jinns hid all of your alchemist fire inside the barrels and you walked into the abbey's main chamber.

Speaker 2 Using your donkey masks, you attempted to sneak into the basement where you suspected Esmeralda might be hidden, but you were stopped by the abbot.

Speaker 2 He seemed confused by your behavior and suspected that the zoomenoid transformation process wasn't complete. As such, he asked you to remove your masks.
Onyx revealing her morning lord disguise.

Speaker 2 It's coming in big.

Speaker 2 Before the abbot could process this, though, you all launched your alchemist fire barrels, and Marina blasted the wedding party with a fireball spell scroll.

Speaker 2 Onyx then screamed out every code word all at once,

Speaker 2 and your allies crashed into the room as the flaming barrels began to erupt. And that is where we are now.
Boom.

Speaker 5 Just a little housekeeping. Yes.
I do have the actor feet, so when I'm disguised as a real or fictional person, which we don't know which category the Morning Lord falls on,

Speaker 5 I have advantage on deception and performance checks to convince others that I'm that person.

Speaker 2 Oh, good lord.

Speaker 2 Don't know that that's going to come into play, but it might. Thank you so much, Onyx.
I'm convinced. It'd be crazy if that came into play, wouldn't it? That's, hmm, we'll see.

Speaker 2 So anyway, the barrels of alchemist fire shatter against the stone walls of the abbey, sending spurts of green fire in all directions. The noxious flames bathe the abbot's face in emerald light.

Speaker 2 His eyes widen and his smile dissolves, but before he can act, a barrage of fireballs erupts from Marina's hand.

Speaker 2 The abbot, Viselka, and Gorak will all need to make dexterity saving throws. We have like five things to handle before we go to an air.
Yeah, before we even get there.

Speaker 5 Yeah, we have three code words triggered.

Speaker 2 Jensen's slow motion goes away, wait, Esmeralda's in the basement.

Speaker 2 And there's a baby wolf upstairs.

Speaker 6 Nayak's slow motion says, fire!

Speaker 2 Let's roll them all at once.

Speaker 2 Gorak failed big time. Yeah.

Speaker 2 Yes.

Speaker 2 You see his shell starts turning red as you belt him with fireballs. Let's see.
This is a very low DC because it's using Marina's intelligence.

Speaker 2 Not that she's not intelligent, but she's not a wizard by trade. Sure.
Next one is going to be Vasilka, the corpse bride. She also fails.
Yeah.

Speaker 2 The abbot passes, unfortunately. Oh, just imagining a priest doing a freaking backflip.

Speaker 2 This is how you convert people. He doesn't count Dooku backflip.
Yes, that is how a priest would do a backflip. For a moment, he looks like bad CGI.
What the hell?

Speaker 2 Like, he bends a little too much, and then the flip is just too smooth. Why not just have him have magic powers? Why is he doing flips?

Speaker 2 How dare you?

Speaker 2 He does take a little damage, though. So Gorek and Vasilka are each going to take 30 fucking damage.

Speaker 2 Yes, dude.

Speaker 2 And the Abbott is going to take 15. Alright.

Speaker 5 15 damage ain't nothing.

Speaker 2 15 damage ain't nothing. As soon as Vasilka gets struck, she starts freaking out.
You see her dress gets covered in flames.

Speaker 2 Oh, right. She's being sort of kept at bay by

Speaker 2 the loot and she could have been on our side side, kind of, but you know, whatever. She looks at her dress and her skin.
Her eyes go wide. Fire! Fire!

Speaker 2 She jumps into the pool to try and cool herself off.

Speaker 2 You see that Gorek, the lobster man, is on death's door. He's still desperately clinging to his loot, trying to keep playing so that Vasilka doesn't totally freak out.
Boa, it's okay, Vasilka.

Speaker 2 Calm down. I know things are heating up, but there's no reason to lose your head.
Keep it sewed on.

Speaker 2 He is absolutely panicking. The fireballs rip into the wedding party.
The abbot, you see, kind of like throws up his brown cloak to block most of it, but does still take some damage.

Speaker 2 After this happens, the abbot looks at you with this mixture of confusion and rage. He starts trying to speak, but once again is interrupted by the arrival of Stefan or Kill.

Speaker 6 I hope you don't mind if I bring a plus one.

Speaker 2 You see the assassin's shadowy form appears behind the abbot in the polished surface of the golden sun disc.

Speaker 2 In an instant, Stefan's body wriggles out of the disc, draws a black short sword covered in steaming iker, and rushes towards Gorek.

Speaker 2 He's going to make two attacks with advantage. Let's see if he can take him out.
Gorek is so fucked.

Speaker 6 Yes, dude.

Speaker 2 Okay, you got it on the first one.

Speaker 2 That is going to be, let's see here. He's got to make a constitution save for the poison.

Speaker 2 He fails.

Speaker 5 Oh, boy. Gorek, he's no more.

Speaker 2 Guys, he takes 69 points of damage.

Speaker 2 Insane. Jesus, Stefan.
Or kill. What? You see the blade pierce through his now red shell.
Black veins crisscross his body and his claws go limp, dropping the loot with a discordant clang.

Speaker 2 A moment later, the lobster folk drops his well, and his body crumbles to dust.

Speaker 2 Wow. Stefan puts a finger finger to his lips and says, Did I slew that?

Speaker 2 I am in love. Holy fuck.

Speaker 5 Take me, Stefan.

Speaker 2 He winks at you.

Speaker 2 Stefan wipes off his knife, then looks towards Jin's. The job is complete.
Now to discuss the matter of my payment. Oh, what?

Speaker 2 You never said that. No, I'm just fucking

Speaker 2 with you. Stefano, I do this because I love it.

Speaker 6 Onyx and a sense of humor.

Speaker 2 Are you kidding me? Oh my god, he's got everything.

Speaker 5 I do this because I love it.

Speaker 2 You got it, find what you're passionate about.

Speaker 2 Yeah, he gives finger guns to all of you.

Speaker 2 He writes his phone number in the stone of the abbey with his knife for you, Onyx, and then climbs back into the mirror disc, leaving you face to face with an abbot who looks absolutely dumbfounded.

Speaker 2 He palms his head in disbelief, and as he does, you realize something.

Speaker 2 His robe is covered in burn marks, but his face and hands seem to have already healed.

Speaker 2 Morning, H Lord, you've ruined everything.

Speaker 2 I've been planning this for so long, and you just

Speaker 2 fucking blew it all up. Who? Who are you? I demand you tell me right now.

Speaker 5 I am the morning lord.

Speaker 2 Onyx,

Speaker 2 the abbot looks around, trying to suss out who is under these donkey masks, and then he lays eyes on you, wearing the guise of his god.

Speaker 2 He squints, clearly skeptical, but you've caught him so thoroughly off guard that somewhere deep in his heart, he thinks that maybe, just maybe, the morning lord has come calling and is not pleased with him.

Speaker 2 I want you to make a deception tech for me. This is going to be very high.
The abbot is obviously distrustful. This is going to be a DC23 deception check.

Speaker 5 17 plus 7 becomes the 24.

Speaker 2 Oh boy, what the fuck?

Speaker 2 We are God's soldiers.

Speaker 2 Good job, morning lord. We serve the Lord.

Speaker 5 I do not like what you are doing in my name.

Speaker 2 Cease!

Speaker 5 Cease your toiling!

Speaker 2 The abbot's lip quivers. He drops to his knees and says, Dawn, Father, forgive me for doubting you.
Since you sent me here, I've worked tirelessly to bring your light to this land, and I am so close.

Speaker 2 I am so close to completing my goal. If you will but allow me to explain my plan, I will show you how I aim to free this land from Strahd's cursed grasp.

Speaker 5 Yes, I would love to hear your plan.

Speaker 2 Oh, yes, yes, of course.

Speaker 5 My ears are open, but my art is closed.

Speaker 2 I will make you see. I will make you see the beauty of it.

Speaker 5 Jamie, you love me, child.

Speaker 2 The abbot, still on his knees, points at Vasilka and says,

Speaker 2 For long I have experimented with these zoomenoids, these hybrid creatures. I thought that perhaps I could raise an army to defeat Strad, but I realized that violence will never end this cycle.

Speaker 2 It must be love.

Speaker 2 The love of you, the love of light, the morning lord's provenance brought here to these people.

Speaker 4 What better way to destroy a vampire's cold cold heart than with the perfect bride?

Speaker 4 The perfect wife for Strad?

Speaker 4 A Strad wife, if you will.

Speaker 2 So,

Speaker 5 this is all to make Strad weaker?

Speaker 2 Yes, when he sees this perfect bride, he will set us free from the curse. His heart will be warmed, and we will be free, and then I can return to be with you.
No one will be punished anymore.

Speaker 5 Can I ask you, just real quick, just want to make sure everything is buttoned up.

Speaker 5 Where did you get all the parts for the bride?

Speaker 2 I collected them from the graveyard, you know, they're so...

Speaker 2 Is that Magda?

Speaker 2 There is just a little bit of Magda. I did add in some of my own modifications.
You see, he takes off the bride's wimple and she does have dog ears.

Speaker 2 Okay, that rocks.

Speaker 2 All right, hi, Jens, Paladin of the Morning Lord here.

Speaker 5 Yeah, this is one of my favorite paladins.

Speaker 2 Yeah, sword. Absolutely champion of the light here.
I can see the oath glimmering on your face. Why?

Speaker 2 Stradd was gonna come here? This is Stradd's wedding? Yes, Straddle will be coming here to be wed, but not yet, because the preparations are not quite complete.

Speaker 2 You see, I need to put the soul in this vessel's body. Vasilka is but the vessel.

Speaker 2 You see, for Stradd to truly find her attractive, there must be a willful, powerful soul to ignite this body and burning. Oh, so that's Elsmeralda.
You know her name. The Wizard's Apprentice.

Speaker 5 Yes. Of course, I am the Morning Lord.
I know everything.

Speaker 5 And so do my paladins.

Speaker 2 My lord, of course, I know this. Yeah.
Okay, bring her out. Bring her out.
Yeah, let's bring her out. Before this whole place burns down.

Speaker 5 Yeah, quickly. Let's do it quickly.
Pop her out.

Speaker 2 We must be so quick.

Speaker 5 Yes. And bring the little wolf pop, too.
The wolf.

Speaker 2 Oh, you mean Chompo? Chompo. Yes, Chompo.

Speaker 2 Very well. We love this idea.

Speaker 5 What are you waiting for?

Speaker 2 The place is burning down.

Speaker 5 With my mission.

Speaker 2 Why have you set this place ablaze, my morning lord? Are you wondering?

Speaker 5 Because I am of the morning, and the dawn is nothing but a purification of last night's misdeeds.

Speaker 6 It is so true.

Speaker 2 Amen. We must leave.
We must leave the traces behind, for we are to ascend as the mist lifts. Very good, my lord.
I shall fetch them both. So he is going to go downstairs.

Speaker 2 As this building burns, first of all, let's go ahead, Murph, Emily, can you guys roll me D4s? Sure. Yeah.

Speaker 2 Four.

Speaker 2 Three. Wow.
Good rolls.

Speaker 2 So this building is going to burn down in four rounds. Okay.
Okay.

Speaker 2 We're not in initiative yet, but just hold that number in your mind. Gotcha.
Okay, so he's going to go downstairs to retrieve Esmeralda.

Speaker 5 Okay, so if that takes like a round or something, then I'm going to use that round to cast Hungering Blade on my weapon.

Speaker 2 Awesome. Okay.
So he returns with a young woman bound and gagged with these thick metal chains.

Speaker 2 You see long dark hair spilling out of her red bandana and you catch a whiff of alchemist fire and horse hair emanating from her body.

Speaker 2 She

Speaker 2 walks slowly behind the abbot, being dragged by these chains. You notice that one of her legs has been replaced by a clockwork appendage made almost from the same materials as keychain.

Speaker 2 She has these fiery eyes, but they do look very tired. There are rings under them.
It seems like she has been here without food and sleep for a bit and is not at full health.

Speaker 5 Okay, I will bring Esmeralda into my arms, and the power of the morning lord is strong, and I'm going to cast healing hands.

Speaker 2 Okay. Praise him.

Speaker 1 She just gets four hit points.

Speaker 2 If this is what you wish, but amen. Yes, my lord, that is wise.
We must purify her soul before it goes into Basilka. Now, if you will wait here a moment, I will retrieve the pup as well.
Yes, go

Speaker 5 yeah, please go get the pup. Please go get the pup.

Speaker 2 Appeal. He's your morning lord.

Speaker 5 While he's upstairs, should we make a trap to kind of drop him in the

Speaker 2 building? Oh, I have a net. Yes.

Speaker 2 Wait, Nayak, go hide like in the rafters and wait to drop a net on him after we secure the dog.

Speaker 5 Should we check behind the sutual as well?

Speaker 2 Oh, yeah.

Speaker 2 Yeah, we can do that. I don't know if we have time to do all that.
Let's go ahead. Now that he's up here, let's go ahead and roll an issue.
Great, yeah, that makes sense. Okay.

Speaker 2 Eight.

Speaker 5 I got a 10. 21.

Speaker 2 Okay.

Speaker 2 All right. So I'll say that one round has passed.
There's three more rounds until the Abbey totally burns down. It would be appropriate if we died in a fire that we set.

Speaker 5 We just need to get to Papa.

Speaker 2 Yeah, Jens is pretending to be a Brad Paladin, but he is sweating and looking around.

Speaker 2 You see, Vasilka, as soon as the Abbot leaves, does start freaking out a little bit and looks around. She looks down at the broken loot and is just going like, oh,

Speaker 5 oh, pick up salute. Jens, wait, I have good performance and I'm disguised.

Speaker 5 Okay, I'm going to pick up the loot and try to play it.

Speaker 2 Give me a performance check.

Speaker 2 Shred a gnarly tune, my lord.

Speaker 5 Oh, wait, I don't have good performance. Wait, I can do it.

Speaker 2 If you don't have good performance, it's too late.

Speaker 2 Each try, right? Okay.

Speaker 2 My lord, please.

Speaker 5 I got a 15 performance.

Speaker 2 15.

Speaker 2 With a 15 performance, you just manage to hold her attention.

Speaker 2 See, her eyes kind of, her pupils dilate a little bit and she just remains kind of calm and still and the abbot returns in the distance you hear just the screams From all of these zoominoids as the fire erupts around them.

Speaker 2 I think that we should take Viselka with us when we run out of here.

Speaker 2 Okay, I look at Viselka and my lord here is the werewolf pup There were others before but I've drained them completely you see their blood is essential to creating the the zoominoid compound.

Speaker 2 Oh, he's a piece of shit.

Speaker 5 So interesting. I puppy ipapy.
Oh, hi there.

Speaker 2 What's going on? My name's Champo. Champo Stoyanovich.
Are you here to rescue me?

Speaker 2 I am a good jam.

Speaker 2 What's the fuck?

Speaker 5 We already have a ducking dog. We already have a ducking dog.

Speaker 2 I know we already have a ducking dog.

Speaker 2 Did he just give his last name as the fucking Baron? What's your last name? Champo Stoyanovich. I'm the son of Kiro Stoyanovich.
He's pretty important. Do you guys know him? Yes, for sure.

Speaker 5 You know what? Yeah, come with us. Come with us.

Speaker 2 Okay, you're rescuing me. We gotta get out of here.
It's covered in fire. Okay, great.

Speaker 2 Abbott.

Speaker 2 Yeah.

Speaker 2 What?

Speaker 2 So, Nayak, this is gonna function just as a ranged weapon, so you can use your dexterity. Go ahead and throw it, I guess.

Speaker 2 Okay,

Speaker 6 I leap forward and chuck this net. Can I cast Zephyr Strike?

Speaker 2 Yeah, if you must.

Speaker 6 So, yeah, the gloom from my hands enshrouds the net to make it a little bit bigger. Oh my god, that's a 29.

Speaker 2 Whoa!

Speaker 2 Yeah, you absolutely catch the abbot in this net. You snare him.

Speaker 2 No, friends, we need to escape. Why are you trapping me?

Speaker 2 This is all seeming like a bit much. This is perhaps too suspicious, I must say.

Speaker 2 Tell me. Suspicious of the Lord?

Speaker 2 I hate to question you, my lord, but please, tell me. You must speak to me of the history of the Radiant Realm.
Tell me where where did you first take your angels for the chorus?

Speaker 5 My first place that I took the angels for the chorus was a little place called Applebee's because they have a really good happy hour and nothing makes me happier than when my angels are happy.

Speaker 2 It was the flotilla on the radiant bay. You imposter! You imposter! That's just a semantic difference.
Says the freaking guy in the net.

Speaker 5 Also, what do you think is the card?

Speaker 5 uh you see the abbot thrashing around in this net has wised up to your plans we've already rolled initiative let's get into this proper onyx you are first to act okay you two are responsible for vesselka um zip werewolf pup and esmeralta what i'm gonna jump forward uh i'm going to attack him with booming blade okay

Speaker 2 oh onyx is back uh 17 to hit that just hits okay uh do we know what like the dc DC is and stuff on getting out of the net?

Speaker 2 Because that will affect my strategy if I just try to keep him in the net or if I attack him or whatever. It's a DC 10.
Oh, my God. Okay, he's going to get out.

Speaker 5 22 damage. Wow.
He's surrounded by lightning, and if he tries to move, he'll take another D8 of lightning damage.

Speaker 5 And then with my bonus action, I'm going to taunting step. So he needs to make a wisdom-saving throw, or he'll have disadvantage on attacks against creatures other than me.

Speaker 5 But I've Misty stepped now, like outside, or I've misty stepped that's close to the door and I want to hide behind a pew forever.

Speaker 2 Yes. What does he need to be?

Speaker 5 15.

Speaker 2 That's a 12.

Speaker 5 Okay, so he'll have disadvantage on attacks against anyone but me, and I've misty stepped away.

Speaker 2 Oh my gosh. At least 30 feet from here.
Okay, so Onyx, you do that. You stab into him, surrounding him with a net of lightning on top of the regular net.
How do you taunt him as you step away?

Speaker 5 I just say, you are never good enough for me.

Speaker 2 You're God.

Speaker 2 Amen. Bite your tongue, imposter.
How dare you come to the house of the morning lord and wear this false guise? You're wearing a false guise. You're old as hell.
And you look great. Yeah.

Speaker 2 And you're wearing a net. I have many skincare routines.
How dare you? Oh, I know all about skincare routines. Nothing stops the crow's feet.
So my friends tell me.

Speaker 2 Jens is in the bathroom for 45 minutes every day. Shut the fuck up.
Shut the fuck up! What? Shut the fuck up!

Speaker 2 I turn into Bilbo. I'm saying you have a great routine.
I can see the cracks in your visage. Yet I remain pure, for my love of the morning lord keeps me from the body.
Are you a vampire?

Speaker 2 You have to tell us if you're a vampire. Silence! Silence!

Speaker 2 So, Onyx, as you misty step away, let me give you just a quick layout of the church here. Yeah,

Speaker 2 number one, it's all on fire.

Speaker 2 And I will say that.

Speaker 5 Yeah, that seems the most striking thing.

Speaker 2 I will say that because of the Zephyr strike and the net plan and everything like that, that was another round of combat.

Speaker 2 So we're going to say that you've got two rounds left before everything burns down. And by burns down, I mean it will just be inhospitable.

Speaker 2 There will be too much smoke and fire. You can stay in there, but you're going to take damage every round.
Gotcha.

Speaker 5 Got it.

Speaker 5 Yeah, so give me a layout of the land because maybe I'll miss this up somewhere more useful.

Speaker 2 You got it. So there's this big 50 by 50 foot room.
It's like a very elegant sort of sanctuary.

Speaker 2 Big wooden beams reaching up to a high ceiling, ceiling, vaulted ceiling with the belfry on top of it, which is where the werewolf pup was being hidden. There are rafters as well.

Speaker 2 There is an east wing, which is where you found the nursery and the body parts and everything like that, as well as Udo and his friends.

Speaker 2 There's a west wing, which is where you saw all of the zoomenoids hanging out. That's where you saw the fort with those two zoomenoids starting to hit it off, having a bit of a relationship.
Awesome.

Speaker 2 In the center behind where the Abbot and Basilica and the now corpse of Gorak are, there is this shimmering blue pool and a short stone wall mounted on this short stone wall is this golden sun disc it's very bright and reflective we do get can i um can i misty step like onto the gold disc or right above it it's mounted on the wall so i don't think you could stand on it but you can mount you could step right next to it I want to get out of the way so because I'll have disadvantage on attacks other than me.

Speaker 5 Cool.

Speaker 2 So someone else can grab it? Yeah, someone else can grab it.

Speaker 5 So I'm just going to MISTI step behind a pew and take cover.

Speaker 2 Awesome. Great.
Okay, you're taking cover. Additionally, on either side of this golden sundisk, there are doorways.
One leads down to the basement, which is where Esmeralda was.

Speaker 2 One leads up to the belfry, which is where Champo, the werewolf pup, was. That's also where Vasilka was being hidden.
You saw that in your visions from Bluetooth.

Speaker 2 Additionally, one last detail.

Speaker 2 Rising up on either side, on kind of the left and right of the sanctuary, there are these big stained glass windows, some of which are broken now from the wereavens crashing in.

Speaker 2 There's two were ravens kind of circling around this room as well, in addition to Udo and his donk squad, who are all just being like, ah, what's the plan here? But get

Speaker 2 our new friends out, Werewolf Punt

Speaker 2 and Esmeralda. Esmeralda, hi, nice to meet you.
We've heard so much about you. I know you're tired.
Don't feel

Speaker 2 good. She's bound.
She's gagged. She can't do much right now.
Makes sense. Absolutely makes sense.

Speaker 5 And get the zoominoids out safely.

Speaker 2 What? No, you don't need to do that. They're bad.

Speaker 5 I give them a thumbs up.

Speaker 2 Hey, don't get the fucking zoominoids noids out.

Speaker 2 So they'll need to act on their turn, but if you want to give them that verbal command, Udo and the Donk Squad can help get all of your captives out. Is that what you want? Yeah.

Speaker 2 Yeah, that'd be great. Right on.
Okay, cool. So that is going to bring us next in the order to Vasilka.

Speaker 2 So Vasilka was calmed by you playing the loot, but as soon as you dropped it to stab at the abbot, she started freaking out yet again.

Speaker 5 Okay. Oh, was she within five feet of the abbot?

Speaker 2 She was next to the abbot for sure.

Speaker 5 So, and then she would have been affected by the taunting step as well.

Speaker 2 Okay, okay, cool. Okay, so she also

Speaker 2 obviously taunted by you picking up this lute, playing her a beautiful song, and then dropping it.

Speaker 6 We've ruined her wedding.

Speaker 2 But she looks around frantically. You could see this sort of like panic building in her face.
Black tears start pouring down her pale white skin.

Speaker 2 But then she looks at you again and actually takes a good look at you and sees your pristine wedding dress. Oh no.

Speaker 2 She looks down at her scorched red one and then back at you, thinks for a moment, then points her finger and screeches: Something old!

Speaker 2 Something

Speaker 2 old! Oh, geez, you wore white to a wedding. People get mad about that.
I thought that was hiding behind the pew.

Speaker 6 It's such a dated faux pas.

Speaker 2 Get up to the top. She holds out her hands and then repeats, Something old! Something old!

Speaker 5 You should find out Jens if you're saying, but.

Speaker 2 Hey!

Speaker 2 Stop off!

Speaker 2 Turn into Bilbo again. He's not that old.

Speaker 2 Onyx, what do you do?

Speaker 5 I think I just say, I am the morning lord. If you want my dress, you can have it.

Speaker 5 And I take off a dress.

Speaker 2 Hell yeah. You take off your dress and give it to her.
She looks like a dress. Well,

Speaker 5 I'm not close enough. I am 30 feet away.
So I'll just hold it out.

Speaker 2 Okay. Yeah.
You hold it out.

Speaker 2 You hold it out to her.

Speaker 2 She like scrambles over, gets down on all fours, scrambles over, and just like grabs it, clutches it um as if she's clutching like a wounded dove or something like that holds it close to her and says oh thank you

Speaker 2 it's it's going to look so good on you you guys see that i'm wearing like weirdly intricate lingerie damn morning lord you're hung what did you expect to happen tonight

Speaker 2 literally what were you planning

Speaker 5 like it looks so uncomfortable it's the kind of lingerie you put on for 10 minutes before you take it off I feel like you would have needed help to get into this.

Speaker 2 So many freaking straps. This is insane.
Is that a figure eight knot? I don't even know how you're breathing. Yeah.

Speaker 5 Not well.

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Speaker 2 Thanks, everybody.

Speaker 2 So, you see, Vasilka, now that she has this wedding dress,

Speaker 2 looks for another target, and she's actually going to strike at the Abbot instead. Whoa, okay.
Yes, dude.

Speaker 2 Okay, so she has disadvantage from the taunting step, but the Abbot is restrained, so this is going to negate that. So, I'll just roll this flat.
Yes,

Speaker 2 first attack hits. Yeah,

Speaker 2 second attack hits. Hell yeah.

Speaker 6 Oh, my God. How's that for a first dance?

Speaker 2 Take your revenge.

Speaker 2 Why did you not get me something pretty like this?

Speaker 2 She holds up the dress and then like bashes the abbot with it. No, Vasilka, stop.
You're not ready yet. Seems like Vasilka, like, I don't want to say, you know, I feel bad for her.

Speaker 2 She's got this like toxic idea that like getting married is going to fix her. You know, yeah, I do agree with that.
She's too into the wedding idea, not into the relationship.

Speaker 2 Does she even like Strasch?

Speaker 6 Is she being a bridezilla?

Speaker 2 She's being a little bit of a bridezilla.

Speaker 2 It was supposed to be the perfect day.

Speaker 2 You've ruined everything.

Speaker 5 From a strange wife to a bridezilla.

Speaker 2 Vasilka.

Speaker 2 You see, she beats the abbot in this bag.

Speaker 2 And he takes 26 points of damage.

Speaker 2 Amazing. Okay,

Speaker 2 so that is Vasilka's turn. That's going to bring us to Keychain.

Speaker 2 Keychain is just like looking around, still wearing his donkey mask, being like, it's getting kind of hard to see. I might take this mask off yeah for sure

Speaker 2 he takes off his mask and then says okay now time to do my thing

Speaker 2 and he's just going to

Speaker 2 produce three potions from his body

Speaker 2 good to dog now that his mouth is free of the mask it opens extra wide and turns into kind of like a vending machine slot and he produces two healing potions and a boldness potion roll 1v4 and add to every attack roll and saving throw for the next minute Ooh.

Speaker 2 Ooh.

Speaker 6 Loving this open bar.

Speaker 2 Can I provide you with anything? Yeah, give the boldness potion to Onyx.

Speaker 5 Okay. Oh, but you haven't attacked yet.

Speaker 2 Okay. Yeah, I mean, give it to me.
Okay.

Speaker 2 What was I thinking? You seem pretty drunk already from all the margaritas.

Speaker 2 I am still a little drunk from last night. We didn't get a ton of sleep.
Would you like me to feed it to you? Please. Of course.

Speaker 2 His hand turns into a funnel and he shoves it into your mouth.

Speaker 2 Open your throat as wide as you can. It tastes terrible.
You're not going to want to taste this. So that's Keychain's turn.
And next in the order is going to be Nyack.

Speaker 6 I'm going to jump up onto a pew, take aim at the abbot, and say, sorry I didn't get you anything off the registry for this wedding.

Speaker 2 He's not, you don't buy stuff for the priest, Nyack. Yeah, sorry, the fumes are getting to me.

Speaker 6 Nyack falls backwards and shoots an arrow before he does.

Speaker 6 That is a 25 to hit the abbot.

Speaker 2 Okay, that hits.

Speaker 6 And I will use Dread Ambusher to attack him twice. Sick.
That's a 23 for the second one. Nice.
I'll also mark him as my favorite foe to add a D4.

Speaker 2 Go for it.

Speaker 6 And I'm going to use the poison damage from my Darkwing bow.

Speaker 2 Darkwing bow.

Speaker 2 That is. Let's get puncturing.

Speaker 6 I'm so sorry. 54 damage.

Speaker 2 This is the Internet getting stabbed. I will not let my love of the morning lord end me.
I was right to believe you. You, you are the temptress.
You are a foul, false saint.

Speaker 2 You made a registry and you're the priest, okay?

Speaker 2 So greedy. So greedy.
I just feel like people should be tipping their priests. They kind of do.
What kind of scam are you running, priest? I can't get any of that money.

Speaker 2 It just goes to the restoration. Yeah, sure.

Speaker 2 What restoration?

Speaker 6 This whole place is on fire.

Speaker 2 Holy shit. Okay, so that, is that your turn?

Speaker 6 Yes, but can I use my movement to run up like that short stone wall by the pool and the shield? Yeah.

Speaker 6 Okay, and can I do a perception check to see if I can see anything like at the bottom of this pool?

Speaker 2 Yeah, go ahead. It's a 13.
13.

Speaker 2 You do get a good look at the pool. You don't see anything in there, but with a 13, I'll say that this looks very similar to the pool at the base of the hill.
And you do see a clay pitcher next to it.

Speaker 2 And it seems like you can infer that this is where the water that the abbot was scooping from the pool is going. That makes sense.

Speaker 2 All right, so it's the sun that's more important, but we do know that Samarkovia does appear in this.

Speaker 6 Okay, Nyak still yells, The pool is a portal to the outer world.

Speaker 2 What? I think it's a portal. Oh my god.
A pool portal. These guys lie all the time.
A pool turtle. All you can do is lie.
A pool portal. A pool tour.

Speaker 5 It was a pool portal.

Speaker 2 A pool portal. A pool tool.
A pool tool. A pool portal.
A pool tool. A pool.
A little portal. You're saying it's a pool tortural.

Speaker 2 Stop it. It's a full portal.
Stop it. Cool, pool portal.
Great. So next up is going to be the wereavens and the donk squad.
Great.

Speaker 2 They're going to do, as you said, the two were ravens are going to grab the cage with Champo, the werewolf pup, and they're going to just fly him out of the abbey to safety. Great.

Speaker 2 And then the donk squad is going to escort Esmeralda. Do you want us to try and free her? Yes.
Yeah, yeah, yeah. Oh, yeah, for sure.

Speaker 2 Okay, we'll free her and then we'll just, do you want us to wait outside? Yeah. Yeah.
Just yeah, get the fuck out of here, Udo. Okay, don't be a hero.
Don't free her to the point where she runs away.

Speaker 6 Like free her light so she's still there so we can talk to her afterwards.

Speaker 2 We can help if you want us to.

Speaker 2 I think we're fine for now. Okay, well.

Speaker 5 I mean, does it take all of you to bring Esmeralda outside and cut the binding?

Speaker 2 No, I think it could probably just be one of us.

Speaker 5 Yeah, so maybe just one intends the rest of you stay to help.

Speaker 6 Yeah, you want to donkey kick the abbot?

Speaker 2 Okay, yeah. Udo is going to give instructions to one of his menagerie.

Speaker 2 Gregory, Gregory, you take Esmeralda outside and get her freed. And then we'll stay here and focus on the abbot.
Gregory, go. Don't be a hero.
Damn it.

Speaker 2 I won't be.

Speaker 2 Oh, it's scary in here. I hate it.

Speaker 2 Yeah, that makes sense.

Speaker 2 You didn't choose any of this.

Speaker 2 My hands are hooves.

Speaker 2 It's bad. Yeah, it's not good.
For sure. So Grigory is going to take Esmeralda out of the Abbey to safety.
He's going to work on getting her freed. Great.

Speaker 2 Actually, we'll go ahead and handle that role now. So the manacles that Esmeralda's wearing have 15 HP, and the AC is 19.
Wow. He could do a sleight of hand, but his hands are hooves.

Speaker 2 So I think he's just going to try and break it.

Speaker 6 Sleight of hoof.

Speaker 2 Yeah, he tries to break it, but can't. So he's going to keep trying.
Okay, I'll keep working on it. I'm going to go outside with her, and I'll keep working on it.
Great.

Speaker 2 Yeah, when I said don't be a hero, I didn't mean be useless, Grigory. Okay, I'll find my own path.
Sorry, no, I snapped. Okay, it's the fumes.
I'm normally not like this.

Speaker 6 No, you don't owe him an apology. A lot of fumes.
You do not owe him an apology.

Speaker 2 A little apology would be nice. So that's Grigory.
He's peeled off from the donk squad, but I will let the rest of the donk squad attack the abbot.

Speaker 5 This is great because if he goes down now, we can try to save the net for later.

Speaker 2 Oh, yeah. Oh,

Speaker 2 we're so confident we think we're gonna save the net. Maybe we? This net seems highly flammable.

Speaker 5 Yeah, let's try to finish this before the net burns up.

Speaker 2 Yeah. Can I have that net back? They're acting as a swarm.
They don't do much damage.

Speaker 2 And I'm going to subtract one point from their damage since one of them is peeled off. Sure.
So they're going to do three damage to the abbot. Great.
You see, they all just run up.

Speaker 2 They're like gray-furred pecks rippling. They've ripped off their shirts to reveal just eight packs of abs and glistening shiny gray muscles.
And they all just kick the shit out of the abbot.

Speaker 2 Oh, oh, oh!

Speaker 2 This is what you get for messing with us! Yeah! Don't squad! All right. You have a good corporate culture amongst you.
So, you know how it was, you know, floated to save the zoominoids?

Speaker 2 You guys did catch that they've drained a bunch of the other werewolves, right? Are we cool with killing the zoomenoids finally, please?

Speaker 6 I'm, yeah, you know, I'm down to kill the zooms. Well, it sounds like Onix, do you want to kill the zoominoids or do you want to question them?

Speaker 5 No, I kind of want to let them

Speaker 2 go into the forest. Why? Why?

Speaker 5 Guys, what if they are cute?

Speaker 2 They're not, though. Remember the bug that was experimenting on people?

Speaker 5 Yeah, we got rid of him.

Speaker 2 Yeah.

Speaker 6 Yeah, the lieutenant is gone. We don't know.
The other zoominoids might be kind of cute.

Speaker 2 They all help. The dogs.

Speaker 5 The dog squad is awesome.

Speaker 2 The dog squad is awesome, but we saved them from being brainwashed. Yeah, you got to remember that we are awesome because the process didn't complete and we get brainwashed by the abbot.

Speaker 2 Thank you so much, Udo. And this is why you're my guy.
Absolutely.

Speaker 6 What if when the abbot dies, the brainwashing is reversed and they're just cool cuties?

Speaker 5 That's a good question. Let's leave me alive.
Let's kill the abbot.

Speaker 2 Yes, you should leave me alive in case that it reverts afterwards. You should not kill me now.
What? No, you're if any, you die no matter what. Yeah, dude, you're the worst.

Speaker 2 That's the plan. Oh, but maybe, but maybe

Speaker 2 it's non-negotiable. That one's not on the same page, Baldy.

Speaker 6 You're already dead. As good as God.

Speaker 2 I want to kill everyone in this church except for Udo and the baby werewolf and Esmeralda. I'm even even 50-50 on Niakononyx.
Me?

Speaker 2 You would kill Magda?

Speaker 2 I don't know who Magda is. Niakina.

Speaker 5 Look, he's necklace.

Speaker 2 All right, you guys had to stop.

Speaker 6 Who has two thumbs and is named Magda?

Speaker 2 Niak points his index fingers at himself.

Speaker 5 Niak is named Magda.

Speaker 2 You see, Vasilka's ears perk up at Magda. Oh!

Speaker 2 Oh, geez, you are just sad. You are a freaking tragedy, Vasilka.

Speaker 2 So with that, the Donk Squad finishes pummeling the Abbot. You see,

Speaker 2 blood is starting to pour out of him, but strangely, it's not red blood. His blood has more of an

Speaker 2 iridescent sheen to it. And you see that the wounds heal almost as quickly as they're made.

Speaker 2 But he does look quite hurt. Jins, that is your turn.

Speaker 6 Okay, what are you?

Speaker 2 You werewolf, you vampire. Yeah, what's up with your cool blood? What's up with your cool blood? Release me and I'll tell you.
I'll tell you everything. Oh,

Speaker 2 this can still happen. I'll release you from life, dude.

Speaker 2 You have no leverage out there. I'll just stab into him.
Okay, great. Oh, you know what? Let's test this.

Speaker 2 Bug scientist style. And I try to stab him in the chest with the sun sword.
Okay. Ooh.
And I got a 19. Careful of the net, brother.

Speaker 2 I take no care in escaping the net. 19 does hit.
Okay, great.

Speaker 2 That is 12 damage. Okay.
But I would get an extra D8 if he was undead.

Speaker 2 Jins, as you stab into him with this radiant blade, you see that the blade almost resists going into him.

Speaker 2 This gleaming sword made of pure sunlight. Eventually you manage to stab it through, but it doesn't go nearly as deep,

Speaker 2 and he's only going to take half damage. Oh, he's a freaking werewolf.
You're a werewolf. You're projecting onto other people.
You're killing baby werewolves, and you are a werewolf. Oh, my god, dude.

Speaker 2 You are the worst.

Speaker 5 Wow, it's so good.

Speaker 2 You're a dirty dog.

Speaker 2 Oh, my God. You are a low down.

Speaker 2 You are the beauty of the gift of lycanthropy, but I am not that. You cannot conceive of what I am.
Okay, and then I'll take a second attack.

Speaker 2 And that is a 21 to hit. Hits.
Great. Okay, this one I'll do a flourish for.

Speaker 2 Defensive flourish to add to my defense.

Speaker 2 And that one is 14 damage. 14 damage.
And And this is with the non-sunsword. Correct.
Great. Okay.
You do 14 damage to him, and he drops. Whoa.

Speaker 2 You will not interrupt my holy purpose. I was put here for a reason,

Speaker 2 and I shall fulfill it.

Speaker 2 Jins, as you stab him, you hear a rumbling from the west wing,

Speaker 2 and you see

Speaker 2 this swarm of zoominoids of every species burst through the door. Fire drill!

Speaker 2 We came to free you! No we didn't!

Speaker 2 They are howling with these inhuman baleful screams. They're also getting covered in fire as they rush through the door so they're just enraged,

Speaker 2 just frothing at the mouth, ready to obey the abbot, but they are going to hold their turn.

Speaker 2 And then you see the abbot clutching these wounds, which now are glowing almost with this sort of like pearly white iridescence.

Speaker 2 Stands once more.

Speaker 5 If he stands, that's using five feet of movement, and then he would take more damage.

Speaker 2 You cretens, you low lives, you

Speaker 5 eight.

Speaker 2 I got rolling eight on the D8, eight thunder damage.

Speaker 2 He starts jiggling and jolting as he gets electrocuted, but then just stops and says, Enough!

Speaker 2 Enough!

Speaker 2 You have challenged my will to its utter limit!

Speaker 2 The abbot's voice grows deeper and seems laced with the sound of bells and chimes.

Speaker 2 His eyes glow bright, and from his back, you see two enormous white wings erupt from his robe.

Speaker 2 What?

Speaker 2 Den starts.

Speaker 2 He's like, you freaking werewolf, you excuse me? He's an angel. The morning lord sent me here to watch this land after he sealed it away.

Speaker 2 And now, after 450 years, I am on the cusp of purging it of all evil. I will not let you stand in the way of my beautiful reunion with the Don Father.
He shall forgive me.

Speaker 2 He shall forgive me for my snide remarks and welcome me back to the chorus and the radiant realm.

Speaker 2 A bell gongs and a huge golden handbell materializes in the angelic abbot's hand. He is going to attack Jins, who stabbed him most recently.
Great.

Speaker 2 We knew you were an angel all along.

Speaker 6 It was so obvious.

Speaker 5 When he did all this,

Speaker 5 did he rip the net?

Speaker 2 Because I really wanted to hang on to that.

Speaker 2 He's still in the net. He's an angel in a net.

Speaker 2 He's going to roll a strength check as his wings rip out.

Speaker 2 Don't rip it.

Speaker 5 Don't rip the net.

Speaker 2 He got a 16. His wings rip the net into shreds as they.
Oh, you asshole. You ruined it.
You ruined it.

Speaker 2 This guy drains werewolves. That was my net.
That was was my net! It belonged to me!

Speaker 5 See, even he cares about someone.

Speaker 2 He cares way too much about the net. And everyone has way too many registries.

Speaker 2 Just the bride, just the groom.

Speaker 2 You see that his brown robe is ripped to tatters, and you see this like beautiful silver skin gleaming beneath, just like rippling with muscles.

Speaker 2 His hair turns blonde and flows as he strides towards you with this massive bell mace, and he is going to take an attack. But with disadvantage though.
Absolutely saw this coming.

Speaker 2 It was so, so obvious you were an angel the whole time. I knew you were just going to shed your clothes and be a silver angel.
Are you aware angel? I fucking knew this.

Speaker 5 Yes, it's so crazy. You said, what if he's a wear angel?

Speaker 5 And Niagonized aka Mega and I said, no.

Speaker 2 Lies, lies spill from your mouth like scarabs and beetles.

Speaker 2 You are impure and you will not stand against my plan any longer. Wait, did this guy just admit to eating scarabs and beetles? Does it spill from my mouth like scarabs and beetles?

Speaker 2 You have a plague mouth, is what I'm saying. This dude eats scarabs.
Do you have a beetle diet? I mean, I tried one once. I eat carobs, not scarabs.
That is just an 11 to hit, though.

Speaker 2 Just slowly move out of the way. But after he misses, he goes, Zoomenoids! Come to me! These people, they stand in the way of my righteous plans.
Dispose of them!

Speaker 2 Deliver righteous fury unto them, my precious zoomenoids!

Speaker 2 And you see, the zoominoid swarm is gonna go now. Oh, God.

Speaker 2 So, the way that the swarm works, it's massive. So, we can take three attacks, but at different targets.
Cool.

Speaker 2 Okay, so I'll say that they will target Keychain and Nyack and Jins. Still like these guys, everyone?

Speaker 2 Draining dogs of their blood and then trying to kill us?

Speaker 5 You know, I was going to try to save all of you, but now you are really compromising that.

Speaker 2 Let's get them! These guys are so unrad.

Speaker 2 I thought you were cool. As soon as I heard you guys talk, I knew you had to go.
You guys don't like werewolf blood? It's what powers us.

Speaker 2 See, these guys are so bad.

Speaker 2 The abbot spikes our wine with werewolf blood to keep us strong. They drink so much wine.
It's just so out of pocket for the way they talk.

Speaker 2 I like skateboarding and I like shredding on my guitar and drinking blood wine. Yeah.

Speaker 2 All right, 13 misses you,

Speaker 2 15 just hits keychain.

Speaker 2 And nat one misses Jinz. Woo!

Speaker 2 Keychain kits. Okay.
Hey, maybe they are cool. Keychain, you see this swarm? Let me roll a D8 to determine which part of the swarm is going to hit him.
That is a three. Oh, that's funny.

Speaker 2 A team of dark donkeys

Speaker 2 rolls up. You see, they've got like squirtle squad sunglasses on.
Yeah, we're the dark donkeys, and we're going to kick the shit out of your robot. Jeez, these guys are bad news.

Speaker 2 They're wearing sunglasses. He's not a He's not a robot.

Speaker 5 He's a dog.

Speaker 2 What?

Speaker 5 He's not a robot. Take your glasses off.
He's not a robot.

Speaker 2 He's a dog. Oh, my apologies, madam.
I'm gonna kill your robot dog.

Speaker 2 Thank you.

Speaker 2 So let's see. Keychain's gonna need to make a strength saving throw or be knocked prone by this.

Speaker 2 He fails that, so Keychain is prone and he takes 15 points of damage. Ow, ow.
Oh, okay. We have to leave him.
We have no choice.

Speaker 6 Sorry, Keychain. I know this is how you wanted to die, though.

Speaker 2 I just gotten used to being super tall. I loved it.

Speaker 2 And that is going to bring us to Marina. Ooh.
Marina has been pretty quiet this whole time, just taking in this insane sight.

Speaker 2 But as she looks at the abbot, she pulls off her donkey mask and points her silvered blade directly at him. Her auburn hair shines in the firelight, and her eyes smolder with fury.
You.

Speaker 4 You foul angel.

Speaker 2 You killed my mother, Demira. I don't know why you did it, and I don't care.
The blade of truth now guides my hand, and it guides me towards your end.

Speaker 2 However, as she speaks, with her face revealed for the first time, the abbot's eyes glisten, and a smile returns to his angelic face. Demira was your mother?

Speaker 2 Oh, morning lord, you do love me after all. For you have returned the soul of Tatiana to me!

Speaker 2 Yes, yes.

Speaker 2 What do you mean? I bear this soul, but why do you need that? You already have this soul.

Speaker 2 Oh no.

Speaker 2 That wizard's apprentice was only a backup plan. You are the soul that was taken from me.
That wicked Alana ran away with you all those years ago.

Speaker 2 But Tatiana's soul, that is the soul that must be housed in Vasilka. Oh,

Speaker 2 this is truly a blessed day. It is not lost.
Everything can be restored. Destiny has come full circle so that we might in Strat's tyranny once and for all.

Speaker 2 From the folds of his tattered robes, the abbot produces an enormous golden needle with tubes and gauges.

Speaker 2 Who could have not seen this coming? We knew you had a needle, angel.

Speaker 5 Classic wear angel artificer alchemist.

Speaker 2 You guys don't know shit. It's a bad look.

Speaker 6 You're stupid. Nice needle, Captain Obvious.

Speaker 2 You may pull the donkey masks off your head, but they still remain on your brain. You've got ass brains, that's what I'm saying.
Forgive me, Morning Lord, but they have the brains of an ass.

Speaker 5 You are forgiven.

Speaker 2 You eat scarabs. I did that once, okay? You admit it.
I was doing

Speaker 2 a fear factor thing. A minute ago, you said you didn't do it at all.
You see, he adjusts a few dials on this needle gun and then points it at Marina with this sorrowful expression.

Speaker 2 I truly am sorry to do this, Marina, but your soul is Perovia's final chance for freedom. It is not a sacrifice I make lightly.

Speaker 4 Get that away from me.

Speaker 2 More of these foul instruments. You are a wicked man, and the morning lord has forsaken you for a reason.
Marina is going to take an attack against the abbot.

Speaker 2 You see, her blade of truth glistens brightly.

Speaker 2 And that is gonna hit. Woo! Yes!

Speaker 2 I lean into Onyx and Nayak and say, Do you think she knew that the Blade of Truth was gonna come into play quicker than the Sun Sword when she took the Blade of Truth from me?

Speaker 2 Like, that's kind of trashy, right? Yeah, that's it's tacky.

Speaker 5 Yeah, it is, yeah.

Speaker 2 All right, well, as a main character, she's drunk.

Speaker 6 Marina, this is a really cool move, but we're gonna let's regroup after the fight, okay?

Speaker 5 So it's gonna be a debrief.

Speaker 2 I will not let him win.

Speaker 6 Yeah, we don't, none of us want to let him win. It's not just you that doesn't want to let him win.

Speaker 2 I just don't want to let him.

Speaker 2 For one second, I'm trying to deliver a monologue here. And I am too.

Speaker 2 Ever since I came from my home, ever since I came, the Blade of Truth

Speaker 2 has guided my hand. I've found you notes.
I've left it all.

Speaker 2 My dad wasn't that rich, okay?

Speaker 2 And he died when I was 110. Can you guys just let me fucking have this for once? Oh my god.

Speaker 2 Okay, so Marina joins the fray. She slashes into the abbot.
You see more of this pale, iridescent blood leaks out of him, but he does look like he's still got a little fight left in him.

Speaker 2 And that is the end of the round.

Speaker 2 So now we have one round remaining. You see the fire is creeping further up the wooden beams of this building.
Things are starting to crumble.

Speaker 2 It is getting a little hot, but that brings us back to Onyx.

Speaker 5 Okay, I'm just going to run up and attack him again.

Speaker 2 Yeah. Yeah, yeah.

Speaker 2 We for sure have to kill this guy.

Speaker 5 I'm going to run up, try to attack him, try him booming blade.

Speaker 2 I was hoping to just kind of leave him in the burning church in the net, but he's got wings, apparently.

Speaker 5 Yeah. There's another 17 hit.

Speaker 2 That just hits, yeah. Okay.

Speaker 5 23 damage.

Speaker 2 23 damage? Woo! Okay.

Speaker 5 And then I'm going to do the same exact thing. I'm going to taunting step to Misty step 30 feet back, be as close to the door as possible to be ready to run out of here.

Speaker 2 Okay, awesome.

Speaker 2 You get over to the door, and just outside, you do see Grigory just still desperately attempting to try and get Esmeralda free.

Speaker 2 She's like rolling her eyes now. She's like,

Speaker 5 Esmeralda, once we are done in here, which is going to be soon because it's burning down. We're going to try to figure this out for you, okay?

Speaker 2 I know.

Speaker 5 Gregory is being so silly.

Speaker 2 Gregory's hilarious.

Speaker 2 Does anyone have like a key or something? I feel like that would speed this up.

Speaker 2 Oh, Greg. Yeah, no,

Speaker 2 we've got the key on us, Gregory. God.
It's like learned helplessness. Okay, I'm just trying to solve the problem now.
Okay, yeah. It's not really helpful.

Speaker 2 It's like this guy's the king of queens over here, right? He doesn't know how to do anything. But he's hilarious.
God damn.

Speaker 2 Okay, so that's your turn, Onyx. And that is going to bring us back to Vasilka.

Speaker 2 Vasilka, now that Onyx has left, she looks at her wedding dress,

Speaker 2 but she's in full bridezilla mode. She wants more.

Speaker 2 She's going to walk over to Jin's. Ah, geez.
It's not going to... You need...

Speaker 2 The relationship is more important than the wedding, okay?

Speaker 2 Something new!

Speaker 2 What? Something new!

Speaker 2 Anything new!

Speaker 5 You have to give her something new.

Speaker 2 I don't. Look.
I gave her something new. I'll give you this true fucking sword that apparently doesn't do anything.

Speaker 6 Was it it on the registry?

Speaker 2 I think about giving her the sun sword, but I didn't pull it.

Speaker 2 She holds out her hands,

Speaker 2 waiting to be given something new. I still have the jugs from the Alchemist Fire.
Doesn't have Alchemist Fire anymore.

Speaker 2 A jug. I'm going to give you a jug.
That's a brand new jug. Brand new jug.
Because it didn't used to be empty.

Speaker 2 I think Esmeralda loves Alchemist Fire. She's constantly having to get the new stuff.
And this shit'll hold fire, okay? This is a solid jug. You gotta understand.
Give me a persuasion check, okay?

Speaker 2 You gotta understand. This is a Class A jug.

Speaker 6 And it's a really old sword that he has.

Speaker 2 That's not what you want.

Speaker 2 I hold it in the fire.

Speaker 2 I pull it out. You ever seen a fireproof jug?

Speaker 5 The more he's talking, the more I want a jug. Anik starts crying.

Speaker 2 I got a 16. 16?

Speaker 2 That is just enough. You see, she plucks one of the flowers out of a garland nearby and puts it in the jug.
Oh, that's nice. Jug!

Speaker 2 Yeah, thank you.

Speaker 6 Hey, the silk, a cool jug.

Speaker 2 She gives you a big smooch on the cheek. Okay.
And then she's going to freak out

Speaker 2 and run into the zoominoid swarm and beat them up. All right, cool.

Speaker 6 You guys better have something blue.

Speaker 2 We should just leave her in here probably when the place burns down. I don't think she's going to assimilate well.
Okay, so she takes two swipes at the zoominoid swarm. Does 27 damage to them.

Speaker 2 She's so... She would have killed me with that.

Speaker 2 I could have given her the sunsword to save my life. Jesus.

Speaker 2 So you see, she manages to decimate like a whole squadron of the Zoomenoid swarm. And that actually mechanically means that they will do less damage on their next attack.
So that is going to bring us.

Speaker 2 That was Vasilka's turn. That is Keychain again.
He is going to use his movement to stand up.

Speaker 2 I'm not used to being so tall yet. I guess I must have fallen over when those donkeys kicked me.

Speaker 5 Keychain, just retreat.

Speaker 2 Retreat, it's over. Are you sure? Yeah, okay.
Run, otherwise we have to leave you here. Do you want me to deliver a potion to anyone? Yeah, toss us potions just in case we need them.
Okay.

Speaker 2 He's going to toss you the two remaining potions.

Speaker 2 Do you want me to try and free Esmeralda? Yeah. Yeah.
Okay, great.

Speaker 6 I think Gregory's got it.

Speaker 2 Yeah, just cut it. Gregory, it's not cute, okay? The helplessness, it's just not cute.

Speaker 5 Gregory's kind of sensitive, so just tiptoe around.

Speaker 2 I feel like I'm just trying the best I can. Yeah.

Speaker 6 Make it seem like he did it, please.

Speaker 2 Yeah. Yeah, I can't do it to you.
No, don't. You're feeding something.
You're feeding something here. My body was hideously transformed just hours hours ago.

Speaker 2 This is why Bluetooth is the way he is. Because you guys let him get away with stuff, okay?

Speaker 2 Grigory needs to learn.

Speaker 5 Bluetooth is his own man now.

Speaker 2 Bluetooth is three days old.

Speaker 5 Would he be his own man if he had not learned?

Speaker 2 Okay. I mean, it's true that I, you know, I was a bit of a stinker when I was a human, so I don't know how you would have known that, but yeah.

Speaker 2 So Keychain is going to head towards the door, but since he's used half his movement standing up from prone, he can't get outside yet.

Speaker 2 He's just

Speaker 5 like a dog waiting at the door.

Speaker 2 I want to go out. I need to make pee-pees.
Then go out. I want to go out.

Speaker 2 Then go out. Woof, woof, woof, woof, woof, woof.
He's scratching at the door, even though it's open. Oh, geez.
It's open.

Speaker 2 Great. And that is going to bring us back to NIAC.

Speaker 6 Okay.

Speaker 6 Would you allow me an object interaction to see if I can yank on this shield?

Speaker 2 Oh, yeah, the big disc?

Speaker 6 Yeah, the big disc.

Speaker 2 Give me a religion check. Oh, my God.
Okay.

Speaker 6 I lean over the wall and I catch my reflection in this golden disc and I reach out for it. That is an 18.

Speaker 2 Whoa. 18.

Speaker 2 You reach your hands onto this sun disc and it feels hot to the touch. Ow.
And as you try to grip it, you hear just the loudest clanging of bells directly in your ears. Boom, boom, boom.

Speaker 2 But you manage to keep your grip strong and you twist this thing and yank it off the wall. You have broken the abbot's seal on this disc, and now you can see what is inside.

Speaker 2 Whoa, you find a couple of things. You find, number one, a bundle of bones, uh-oh,

Speaker 2 a potion of supreme healing in an electrum flask, and a beautiful silver sunflower pendant with a purple gem at its center.

Speaker 6 Jens is gonna love this.

Speaker 2 You don't know what this is, but I will tell you, Jake, this is the dawnflower pendant. Whoa, it is one of the items you were foretold to receive during your card reading with the Fortune Teller.
Wow.

Speaker 2 Hey, Abbott, got your disc. Catch me if you can, loser.
No!

Speaker 6 I'm going to jump off this thing and fire two arrows at him with Zephyr Strike and Dread Ambusher. Okay.
That is a 25 and a 22 to hit.

Speaker 2 Both hit.

Speaker 6 I have one more poison damage from my bow.

Speaker 6 And with favored foe, that is 37 damage.

Speaker 2 Nyak,

Speaker 2 finish this angel. Oh my god.

Speaker 6 I jump off of this thing, sprinting down the aisle of the wedding with the disc,

Speaker 6 and after I fire two arrows at him, I realize that I'm dragging the net in my foot.

Speaker 2 And I just

Speaker 6 clip the abbot and lift him up so he cracks his head on the floor.

Speaker 2 No, no, my beautiful plan. Done in.
The morning lord will accept me again.

Speaker 2 No!

Speaker 6 We knew you were an angel. You were no match for our net.

Speaker 2 Saves the net. You see, the abbot falls to the ground, his wings limp, pearlescent blood spilling out of his mouth.

Speaker 2 And as he dies, he starts to laugh. What?

Speaker 6 I guess it is pretty funny.

Speaker 6 You fools.

Speaker 2 Don't you know you're too late? Strahd

Speaker 2 is on his way here for the wedding. I've already invited him.

Speaker 2 Suddenly, from outside the door, you hear a single howl, then another, then more still,

Speaker 2 until eventually the air is thick with the sound of hungry wolves.

Speaker 2 The howls grow closer. until they seem to be right outside the abbey.
Then they stop,

Speaker 2 and at the blazing doorway of this quickly crumbling sanctuary you see a cloud of blood-red mist slowly descend.

Speaker 2 The cloud hovers at the threshold then swirls and condenses until it takes the shape of a dreadful yet familiar face.

Speaker 2 Strad

Speaker 2 von Zarevich. Strad.

Speaker 6 Oh dear.

Speaker 2 Thank you so much for the invitation, Your Holiness.

Speaker 2 It seems, however,

Speaker 2 he surveys the burning building, that I've arrived a bit late.

Speaker 2 No matter, my werewolves and I are happy to help clean up.

Speaker 2 And with that,

Speaker 2 Strahd steps into the burning church. Oh, no.

Speaker 2 And that's where we'll end our session.

Speaker 2 I hope you liked your appetizer. Oh, boy.

Speaker 6 We knew he was a freaking angel. We knew he was a freaking angel, dude.

Speaker 2 Yeah,

Speaker 2 that was a lot of surprises. Hope you enjoyed that.

Speaker 2 I'm excited to see where things go from here. But wow, that was a really fun battle.
You guys did a great job. You took out the Abbott way faster than I was expecting.
The net.

Speaker 2 The net

Speaker 2 clutch.

Speaker 2 I'm very excited to talk about this more on the short rest, which you can listen to at patreon.com slash nagpod. Don't sing yet.
Don't do it.

Speaker 2 Don't sing. We've got some stuff to plug.
We've got a Dimension 20 live show coming up very soon, November 1st, Las Vegas. Come see us.
We're doing Starstruck Search Dimension 20 live.

Speaker 6 Boom, baby. And check out our shop.
Yeah. A bunch of new items in there.
We've got some maps. We've got some sweaters.

Speaker 6 A lot of very cool stuff, including stickers, flash tattoo sets. That's over at shop.nadpod.com.
Yeah. I love our shop.

Speaker 2 Yeah. I love e-commerce.

Speaker 2 And you can follow us on social media that we're very minute used at Seattle ServiceMe at Callies Caldwell at e-axford's Emily and at Jake HortsJake.

Speaker 2 And you can talk about the show online using hashtag NADPOD. That's N-A-D-D-P-O-D.

Speaker 2 We are, we are, youth of a nation.

Speaker 2 We are, we are,

Speaker 2 youth of a nation.

Speaker 6 Ah, and now it's time to thank our benevolent council of elders, and they are Brad D., Jeffrey S., Lord of the Fjord, later McSkater, Matt M, Cutter W, Jeff C., Daniel, G, Danielle, the Dastardly Dame, Carpe, Liam, Victor T, Balnor's Boy, Hoyd's friend, Justin I, Danny, Danster, TJ, M.

Speaker 6 Trele the Cray, Christopher B. Damiel, Yes, Caldwell, Thanks only took six years, R.
Jordan L., cyborg version of Josh the Cobalt, Targat, Stevie Wags, Hellish Rebuker, the NBDM, Ph.D.

Speaker 6 Princess Yar, Jory S.

Speaker 6 Jack L, Nicholas C, star of every film ever made in Bohumia, Mike Hightower, Alka Smeltzer Plus, Great Value Gemma, Tyler F., Carborough Chapel Hill, FPV, Cece Lulu, Bald Byrne, Heracule Poirot, The Rabbit Folk Detective, Timmy R.

Speaker 6 Jake's Jerk Jelly, Hashtag CCC, Cass Skateboard, Cass, Stephen C. as the bumbling bugbear, Captain Hastings, Nick W., Nico, the underpaid English teacher, William W.

Speaker 6 Big Bad Beardo, the mad, Anna Rama, Percival, Frederickstein, von Mussel, Klowowski, De Rolo, the third, Jade Dragonborn, Guardian of the Vibe, honoring the cock, impressive, Dongle, Ben A.

Speaker 6 Dave H, Not That Nick, Denny F, Hawkeye Pierce, Big Bad John, DPC is awesome, Sean, the Shade Tree Mechanic of Zeldar, Summer RG, Mark, the Dark Lord's Taint, Cat C, Misa of House and Zunza, Ariel, the occasional mermaid, Selena N, aka Velacy Raptor, B.

Speaker 6 Perky Always, Pat L., Lauren H, Serve 16, Annie, the Fatewild Therapist, Pierogi, Frenzy, Salil, BioQuirt 7, Bean Rat, Was Innocent, Trub Hop Dropper, Jack H, King of the Mole People under Iron Deep, dressed in blue, fighting his way through a bracket-style tournament, Malin, Paj, the bitch and bunny bard, Druidic, P, Carlin, C, Omri, M.

Speaker 6 Noah, the gentleman fister, hashtag honor the cock, James G., everything bago, the eladron who just wants to hang out with his pet badger, stripey, Reverend Chatterbones, Han, Eric B., Marcos, Ph.D., eventually, learns the balance druid, Frida M., Maggie, Holly, the green laughing hyena, Grim Waller, executive chef of Bohumia, Aaron, B., Russell, H, a monk named Dilgo, yes, the whole thing, yes, every time.

Speaker 6 Cody C, Lorelai, the succubi, and Kira, the succulent snack. Cow Go Truckin', your friendly neighborhood, yacht and ye uncle, Andrew and Sid.
Lover of all naturale logarithms, John Adams.

Speaker 6 James F., Wayfarer, now has to do something with the trolls, get rid of them, turn to page 42, keep them, turn to page 69, Oreo, Barpo, Good Barrel, Bard Barian, Charlie Brown's best friend, Renee, the monster captain, Olivia the Enchanting Bard, and Jared the soap opera cleric who are playing the wedding march for Onyx.

Speaker 6 Blue, Ash, Fico, Garrett the Artificer, Jay, K guard, Fancy, Matt, the fairies have returned to debauchery and must now go to the carnal corner.

Speaker 6 Cantrip Dumbledore, the Bare Onesie wearing barbarian, Lexi H, MJ, the BFG, Roger L., Nodrog, the pass-a-fist, barbarian, John Luca, Leon K, legendary hero of Bahumia from a future campaign, shenanigans, O'Connor, Josh S., Alexander, Linz W, Sky the Wise, aka the lone dungeon master, the spud fucker himself, Johnny Dude K, the mischief of nadpods familiars, Pabu Eskenor, the Goliath Paladin, providing service with a smile.

Speaker 6 Jakewell Murphily, Tim M, Dragon Knight 86, Scrungle, the main event, TR, MLG, Cheeto, Shelby, Kenneth's first favorite sprite girl, going into the zone as Barry 6 for Reva Mas Vegas.

Speaker 6 Let's do some Kubla Kane and get nasty, folks. Jet S, Snailist, who is infecting Worcestershire for within.

Speaker 6 Death to Tyrants, Mimos Guides, Megan N., Genevieve of the Sea, Anthony B., Balnor's best friend, Steve, Stephanie of House and Zunza, Benjamin A., Gimli the Corgi, Pawpaw and Foster's canine friend, Michael A, SSS tier crickwater enjoyer, Josh Hole, pilot of the Nightmare Verse flight, the two crew blew through, Kelsey A, Ethan the mailman, Maple the Shy Bookworm, Nick A.J., Ashosaurus, Seth the Stroker, Bearer of All Hog-related Burdens, Billy B., Tori the tungsten dragoose, accidental sharer of recipes, Michael L.S.

Speaker 6 II, Maui Kitten, Carl B, Plumber of the Realm, Ace Dregs, High Lord of Critzburg, Raina S. Vin Diagram, Catamilius the Consumed, Cam the Vampire Frogman, Dean Jake W.

Speaker 6 High Mom, Tuesday Cross, only here for the surf and murph, Nadpod fan and Bar Mitzfoot man, it's Dave O, Steve L.

Speaker 6 Tyler McM, Alex G, Zibby to Baccari, Kaylee, Katerina, C, Misty, the crispy kitty really hates flame skulls. Greg W.
There's so many of us now, but hey, you're doing great and we love you.

Speaker 6 Baruch Thunderhelm, fifth generation Minotaur, working as an abandoned labyrinth tour guide. Chupak Aubrey, Boney is Dead.
The Waterworth, your four-legged Greg companion.

Speaker 2 Nick, Amy.

Speaker 6 Agis Kunari, Ignition Class Pedal Storm. Not a DJ, but will still take the gig.
DJ Dramamine. Chef Julie B.

Speaker 6 Mama Mayhem, the happiest little natpole, Gen Rules, kinda, Caitlin H., Buttwax, Thomas C., Dark Lotus Creations, Joshua H, Jacob M, Louis H, and of course, AJ D.

Speaker 2 Thank you, everybody.

Speaker 1 That was a head gum podcast.