Trinyvale X Strahd - Ep.14: Burned Out

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Speaker 2 This is a head gun podcast.

Speaker 1 Welcome to Trinivale.

Speaker 1 And also, Barrovia.

Speaker 1 Barrovia.

Speaker 1 That was a nice one, y'all. I'm going to make that my ringtone and turn it on full volume in a movie theater.
There you go.

Speaker 1 Hello there, folks. I am your Dracula Uncle, aka Drunkle Caldwell Tanner, and I'm joined as always by my pious players, Brian Murphy.
Trying to dodge Stradge Jens Lindell.

Speaker 1 Time to get the heck out of Stradge. We got Emily Axford here.
Getting bored of being the Morning Lord, so I'm back to being Onyx Limier. There we go.

Speaker 1 It's a lot of work being a god of all people.

Speaker 1 And Jake Hurwitz. Making them sweat inside my net, Nyack of the Ranif.

Speaker 1 Oh, yeah.

Speaker 1 Okay, Okay, but it's not just yours. Shaq.
It's true, it's a shared net. I found it, Onyx.
Okay, now, guys, before I fling you into the vampire tire fire, how about a quick recap? Let's do it, please.

Speaker 1 Great.

Speaker 1 So, when last we met, you three had just tossed barrels of Alchemist fire and ignited a fireball spell scroll right in the face of the Abbot of St.

Speaker 1 Markovia, as well as his Lobster Man henchman, Gorek, and his corpse bride creation, Vasilka. Before anyone could act, though, the shadow assassin Stefan Urkil appeared and quickly finished off Gorak.

Speaker 1 The abbot flew into a rage, but it was quickly quelled when he saw Onyx disguised as the Morning Lord.

Speaker 1 Obey me.

Speaker 1 He kind of did.

Speaker 1 After passing a high deception check, the Abbot was fooled into thinking that his god had returned and sought to serve you by fetching Esmeralda from the basement and the werewolf pup from the belfry.

Speaker 1 Upon returning, Nyak caught the abbot in the net he stole from the guards guards outside. Damn right.
As the fires continued to rage, the abbot came to his senses and saw through Onix's deception.

Speaker 1 He summoned a swarm of zoominoids and the battle began.

Speaker 1 Before he could act, though, the Were Ravens and Grigory of the Donk Squad escorted Esmeralda and the werewolf pup, who told you his name was Campo Stojanovich, out of the flaming abbey.

Speaker 1 Vasilka then entered Bridezilla mode and demanded something old from Onyx. After kidding her wedding dress, revealing some lacy lingerie underneath, I believe.
Whoa, complex.

Speaker 1 So embarrassing.

Speaker 1 Feels like this was planned.

Speaker 1 Masilka pummeled the abbot. You all joined in the pummeling, including Marina, who removed her donkey mask to deliver a main character monologue.
It is her story.

Speaker 1 You can have some story too, but yes, thank you. It's just a different book.
That no one is reading.

Speaker 1 Upon seeing her face, the abbot realized that she was the daughter of Demira that he had lost all those years ago.

Speaker 1 It seems his initial plan was to use the reincarnated soul of Tatiana to power his corpse bride. But his plan was ruined when Alana rescued her.

Speaker 1 He pulled out a strange needle apparatus and prepared to attack Marina. But before he could, he was struck down by Jinns

Speaker 1 with shimmering blood. That's the enthusiasm we want.

Speaker 1 With shimmering blood pouring out of his wounds, the abbot then revealed his true form as an angel, sent by the Morning Lord to watch over Borovia.

Speaker 1 of course no one was surprised by this as you totally all saw it coming we knew he was an angel i paued that and so too and so after dodging powerful attacks from the zoomenoids and abbot and providing vasilka with a new vase to hold her wedding flowers nyak rushed over to the golden sundisk mounted by the shimmering pool and freed it from the abbot's holy seal yeah

Speaker 1 inside you found a pile of bones a healing potion and the dawn flower pendant one of the relics mentioned in madame ava's card reading with his prize in hand, Nyak finished off the abbot and bagged his angelic ass in the same net that started it all.

Speaker 1 However, as the angel died, he smiled and told you all it was too late, because Strahd had already been invited to the wedding.

Speaker 1 Moments later, you heard the cries of werewolves fill the air and a plume of red smoke filled the doorway. The smoke parted and out stepped Strahd von Tsarevich.

Speaker 1 Having been officially invited to the wedding, the vampire strode into the burning church and prepared to claim his bride.

Speaker 1 And that

Speaker 1 is where we are now.

Speaker 1 We all see Strahd, his pale face bathed in scarlet firelight, walking towards Marina. She looks terrified, but she holds her ground.
He reaches out a hand and says,

Speaker 1 Tatiana, do you see now,

Speaker 1 even the angels hunger for your soul? There is no place safe for you other than by my side.

Speaker 1 So please, come to your senses.

Speaker 1 Marina says nothing. She grips her sword tightly and holds it out in front of him.
The abbot's plan may have failed, but you will still become my bride.

Speaker 1 This is not a request, but a destined occurrence.

Speaker 1 As the flames build all around you, Strahd

Speaker 1 smiles and casts his gaze upon you.

Speaker 1 I must thank you, triplets, for taking care of that foolish angel. Yet again, your potential impresses me.
Keep it up, and I might just invite you to Tatiana's actual wedding.

Speaker 1 So he prepares to claim Tatiana. I'm going to roll initiative for Strahd and some other folks.
Oh, man.

Speaker 1 And that brings us back into the initiative, everybody. We are going to start with the very end of Nyack's turn.
Nyak, you just managed to slay the abbot.

Speaker 1 And as Strahd talks, you feel the silver sunflower pendant in your hand start to rattle, as if it's agitated by his presence.

Speaker 1 In its center, the purple gemstone gleams brightly with a light from within. And as you start to inspect it, you hear the voice of Saint Markovia speak loudly in your ear.

Speaker 1 That is the Dawnflower pendant!

Speaker 1 King Bararov commissioned it from Olmisford scholars and gave it to Strahd's brother, Sergei, to commemorate his wedding to Tatiana.

Speaker 1 They say that when Strahd struck down Sergei and drank his blood, this pendant became a holy ward against him and all the evil for which he stood.

Speaker 1 Nayak, you look up and see Markovia standing before you. She seems less transparent than before, and a soft smile parts her sharp face.

Speaker 1 Now that you have removed the abbot's seal, my spirit can once again move and speak freely here. And though this abbey has been consumed by fire, hope is not lost.

Speaker 1 She grabs your shoulder. Ow!

Speaker 1 She's squeezing it really hard. I'm very sorry.

Speaker 1 Ooh, please let go. Is it...
Did I scratch you? What's going on? I think you pinched something. It hurts when I go like this.
It hurts when I go like this.

Speaker 1 Nightmare keeps looking over his right shoulder. Every aspect of all of you is baffling to me.
That's as far as I can go. You are contradictions, the lot of you.

Speaker 1 When does it hurt, Nayak? It hurts when I go like this. Okay, so just a little turn.
Did you sleep on it wrong? Perhaps. It wasn't.
No, because it didn't hurt until you grabbed it really hard. Yeah.

Speaker 1 It was fine this morning. You just keep saying like this, but not everyone can see you.
There's a lot of smoke in here. You should describe what's happening properly when you make jokes like that.

Speaker 1 Nayak. It's not a joke, brother.
Niak, like this.

Speaker 1 Yeah, like what, Niak.

Speaker 1 I am incorporeal. I don't know how I could have injured you.
Nayak is looking so, so delicately over his right shoulder. Perhaps if I touch it like this,

Speaker 1 you see like a combing aura forms on her hand, and she touches your other shoulder. And despite the sweltering heat, you do suddenly feel cool and relaxed.
Whoa. Please.
I beseech you.

Speaker 1 Okay, now it might be too mobile, but that's an improvement.

Speaker 1 Oh my God.

Speaker 1 You just have to tell him. You just have to power through it.

Speaker 1 You are all so much in such a variety of ways. Can I show you something on my hip flexor? Very well.
See, Mark Covey is a chiropractor. Watch out for chiropractors, Nyak.
Oh, yeah.

Speaker 1 Oh, your vertebrae are a disaster. Here.
Yeah. It also hurts when I go like this.
Okay, he just kind of turned his head.

Speaker 1 How does it feel when you pee? We're getting off subject. Yes.
Please. Okay.
Nay. Tell me.

Speaker 1 I beseech you, drive that foul tyrant from these chambers. If you do, I can consecrate this land and make it hallowed once more.
This is my final request.

Speaker 1 And then she kind of... fades back into the shimmering pool beneath you,

Speaker 1 leaving you with this dawn flower pendant let me describe what this does because it does a lot of cool shit yeah it is this silver sunflower with a purple gem at its center the symbol has 10 charges for the following properties it regains 1d6 plus 4 charges daily at dawn the three things it can do are number one hold vampires you can expend one charge and present this symbol to make it flare with power vampires and vampire spawn must make a dc15 wisdom saving throw on a failed save they are paralyzed for one minute.

Speaker 1 Turn undead. You can expend three charges to use the cleric ability turn undead.
And finally, sunlight.

Speaker 1 As an action, you can expend five charges while presenting the holy symbol to make it shed bright light in a 30-foot radius and dim light for an additional 30.

Speaker 1 The light is sunlight and lasts for 10 minutes.

Speaker 1 So Nayak, it is the end of your turn, but you do have this cool pendant as well as the potion of supreme healing and an electrum flask, perfect to match your electrum flute that you have.

Speaker 1 All right, so we are back into the battle proper. This is going to bring us to the Ware Ravens and Donk Squad.
Outside, you hear a shout of help from Gregory. Oh, God.
Oh, Gregory.

Speaker 1 Gregory's gone. We just have to sacrifice, Gregory.
We cannot save everyone. Call down to me, Sim.
Yeah.

Speaker 1 Sorry, dude. Yeah, this is how Gregory wanted to go.
I feel like I've got a lot to say. Yeah.

Speaker 1 I don't know that you do, though. Gregory, we'll miss you.
It's time for the Gregory counter. Gregory will miss you.
Esmeralda, run from Gregory. Esmeralda, just get out of here.

Speaker 1 Gregory's going to make the last stand. He's super brave.
I'm working on my catchphrase. Honk, honk.
I love being a donk. Gregory's last stand.
Epic.

Speaker 1 So, yes, you try to make out what he's saying, but the roar of the flames is a little too loud. I am going to have Gregory attempt to free Esmeralda again.

Speaker 1 And since you guys are inside the building, I'm not going to reveal the results of that yet. Okay.
So that is the outside forces turn. Inside the church, Udo and the remaining Donk Squad look around.

Speaker 1 They see Strahd at the entrance to the church. They see this swarm of zoominoids blocking your path to the exit.
And they say, don't worry, guys. We'll clear a path.
Donk squad, out.

Speaker 1 Right on. Okay, so they are going to try and take out more of this giant zoominoid swarm that is in the way here.
They just do five damage.

Speaker 1 It might not seem like a lot, but they are chipping them away towards a lower damage threshold. So that is good.
That is good news.

Speaker 1 The Donk squad gets into the mix with the Zoom Noid Swarm. You see just donkeys attacking lizards and parrots and fish people and like one snail guy for some reason.

Speaker 1 They're just all in this big fricasse in this flaming church now. And that brings us to Jinz's turn.
Okay.

Speaker 1 I'm going to throw a bardic inspiration to Marina. Nice.
Thank you. Marina, don't get charmed.
God damn it. But I can use this against a saving throw? Yes, don't go anywhere with Straudge.

Speaker 1 He's bad news. Okay.
Resist his dark wiles. Thank you.
Thank you, Swordmaster.

Speaker 1 You're welcome. Alrighty.
And no one watch me while I do this. I pull out a tiny bow and I try to shoot him with elf shot.

Speaker 1 And I'm going to bust out the card that gives me advantage on an attack. Oh, shit.

Speaker 1 Wow. Yeah.
Holy fuck. Oh, man.
I forgot about those.

Speaker 1 24 to hit. Yo.

Speaker 1 Okay.

Speaker 1 So my tiny bow

Speaker 1 shoots out a tiny arrow that sticks his feet to the floor until the end of his next turn. Bet you didn't see my brother's tiny bow coming, Straud.
That is so good. God damn it.
Wow. All right.

Speaker 1 And then I'm going to run over,

Speaker 1 use my movement to tackle Marina so she physically cannot see Strahd. Ooh.
Okay. I am literally...
Her head is down.

Speaker 1 I need to plug her ears too so she can't hear him either. Take some of Ismark's shitty clothes.
I literally throw

Speaker 1 I literally throw Ismark's like cloak over her head and I hold her ears with the cloak over her head. That's so funny.
I love that. Okay.
Let me look up the language of charm.

Speaker 1 I think that one humanoid he can see within 30 feet of him. Okay.
If the target can see Strahd. Shit.
So if she can't see Strahd, I'm literally like I have tackled her. We are just on the ground.

Speaker 1 I will use all of my movement to get her away from Strahd.

Speaker 1 As wily as ever, Jens.

Speaker 1 I didn't shoot a tiny bow.

Speaker 1 It was a regular sized bow.

Speaker 1 Tiny bow, big dreams.

Speaker 1 We're kind of just going to hide, even though we need to get the fuck out of here. Nice.
But can we get through the windows or can we go back through where we came from when we met Marina's mom?

Speaker 1 Yes, you could definitely go back through the east wing into the medical wing and through the nursery again. Okay.

Speaker 1 You would probably take some fire damage doing that, but that is definitely an option. Strahd is in front of like the main exit.
You don't know if there's an exit in the west wing.

Speaker 1 You could definitely get through strawd. You would maybe take an opportunity attack.
The windows, the were ravens got through the windows, but they did that in raven form.

Speaker 1 They crashed through the glass panes. The panes are pretty small because they're lined with lead, so there's kind of these like lead grates over them, if that makes sense.
All right.

Speaker 1 How far could we get if instead of hiding, I just grabbed Marina and just pulled her through one of the east hallway or whatever?

Speaker 1 I would say you could probably get to the the door of the east hallway because this is a 50 by 50 foot room. Okay, then I will hide over by that door.
I'm just going to get as far as I can. Awesome.

Speaker 1 And both of us just dive down in the pew. Cool.
Yeah, there's a lot of flaming pews to hide behind. Right, we hide on that side.
Sick. All right, yeah.

Speaker 1 That is your turn. Awesome.
Strahd cannot make a legendary action because he can't move. Damn right.
So that is going to bring us to the Zoomenoid swarm.

Speaker 1 On the swarm's turn, they all look towards the body of this slain abbot and just start howling and moaning. What next?

Speaker 1 So uncool.

Speaker 1 Who do we follow now? We need an alpha to give us instructions. Onyx is moved by their grief.

Speaker 1 It's so beautiful. Stop loving them.
It's beautiful.

Speaker 1 It's beautiful that they're grieving.

Speaker 1 Father!

Speaker 1 They lost their dad.

Speaker 1 They lost their dad.

Speaker 1 They killed their dad. Their dad sucks.
Where will we get wine now? They love wine. We are actually going to a winery if you want to come.
What?

Speaker 1 At this, Strahd grins and says, my friends, I have more blood and wine at my disposal than the abbot could ever dream of. Come, serve me, and you shall never thirst again.
Why did you say blood first?

Speaker 1 We don't know who to choose.

Speaker 1 So what I'm going to have happen here is we're going to do an Airbud style roll-off. Oh my God.

Speaker 1 So to determine who the Zoominoid swarm attacks, I need somebody to roll an animal handling or persuasion check for me against Strahd.

Speaker 1 I have plus seven to persuasion. Whoa.
That's good. Whoa, okay.
Strahd just gets a plus four. That's not one of his main skills.
So here we go.

Speaker 1 19 on the die. Oh, Strahd got a third.
26. Amazing.

Speaker 1 What do you say to the Zoominoids to win them over?

Speaker 1 I am your father's father, which means I am your grandfather.

Speaker 1 I am the morning lord, but I am your grandfather. I will take you to the wizards of the wines, and you will get so much wine, you will be hung over.

Speaker 1 Amen, grandpa. And then I pose in my uncomfortably erotic lingerie.

Speaker 1 You dress as the morning lord. Sexy nightingale, grandpa.

Speaker 1 This is the tightest lingerie.

Speaker 1 Whoa, our sexy grandpa.

Speaker 1 We're going to get wine drunk with our sexy grandpa.

Speaker 1 Jens is just still covering Marina's ears. You don't want to hear any of this.
It's so bad out here.

Speaker 1 Believe me, I'm protecting you from so much.

Speaker 1 It is hard to compete with that.

Speaker 1 Can't believe the Morning Lord thing worked. Can't believe the Zoomenoids could be saved.

Speaker 1 I need to get the fuck out of this town.

Speaker 1 Who should be attacked? Grandpa?

Speaker 1 Attack Strad. He killed your father.

Speaker 1 caught him to it! You killed our dad!

Speaker 1 Sumenoids! Move out!

Speaker 1 But don't die because we have a date in the Wizard of the Wine

Speaker 1 winery. No, you have to.
You have to try your best. You have to fight to the death.
I sent them the location that we're going to. No!

Speaker 1 We will survive this so we can have a tasty wine flight with you, Grandpa.

Speaker 1 If you don't survive, that's okay. We won't hold it against you.
We'll remember you. Suenoids, zoom out.
No. Do it for your hot grandfather.
Alright, let me see if these guys hit.

Speaker 1 Fuck yeah. They hit.
Sick.

Speaker 1 Let me see which squad attacks Strahd.

Speaker 1 That is a five. That's going to be...
Oh no.

Speaker 1 You see?

Speaker 1 The fish battalion comes up. Cool.

Speaker 1 Yeah, I'm going to sacrifice that. Really?

Speaker 1 Let's get him, guys.

Speaker 1 You see, they all just have like weak little fins and they go up and start slapping strahd uh so this is gonna i'm gonna subtract uh 2d4 from the damage total

Speaker 1 okay so uh 16 minus seven so that's nine so they do nine damage to strahd

Speaker 1 um you see strahd looks honestly amused by this look at these little guys this is fun you could join me it would be fun to have you around the house that's what we think don't

Speaker 1 you know those are our fish guys

Speaker 1 yeah see you want some now huh jens well i don't want strudd to have them them.

Speaker 1 Perhaps I could start a new winery and you could all work there and drink wine for free.

Speaker 1 That sounds pretty good.

Speaker 1 No, listen to Grandpa. Grandpa will lead us.

Speaker 1 Okay, so next time around, you'll get to make another persuasion against them. If you get three successful ones, I'll say they are just allied with you permanently.
Yeah.

Speaker 1 But that brings us to Marina's turn. So Marina is on the ground.

Speaker 1 Her eyes are covered. Her ears are covered, but she's just kind of like struggling and says, Stormmaster, let me fight.
We must make a stand.

Speaker 1 Stand against what? We're in a burning goddamn church. Straj was invited here.
Let's just go consecrate a different fucking area.

Speaker 1 Perhaps you're right. Yes.
Perhaps. I'm definitely right.

Speaker 1 When you fight with a blade, sometimes you must know when to wait to strike. Yes.
Exactly. Yeah.
Get the fuck out of here. God, don't just look at the ground.
You're so fucking wise. Yes.

Speaker 1 Okay, she just like clutches Ismark's shirt, which is like wrapped around her head now, and feels honestly safe and bolstered by it.

Speaker 1 I'll say that, like, your bardic inspiration was you putting this shirt on her head. Yeah.
Tell you what, promise you we're not fighting him without you. Thank you.

Speaker 1 Yes, I wish to lend my blade to the cause. That is all I wish now.
Pledge your sword to our sexy granddad.

Speaker 1 Yeah, I could use that pledge just to feel good.

Speaker 1 The bald man, gleaming, wearing some sort of lacy lingerie. It is a sight I did not know.
I wish to see. If only

Speaker 1 if only Father Donovich could see this. Yeah.

Speaker 1 It's beyond his wildest dreams. All right, so we're at like the east door.
So I think... Book it.
Oh, yeah, okay. Yeah, she can use her movement.
She will book it through the east door.

Speaker 1 She is going to take some flame damage getting through this door.

Speaker 1 That is

Speaker 1 10 points of flame damage. Yeep.
This kind of fucks her up. She looks pretty hurt by this.
No.

Speaker 1 But she manages to get through and she heads into the nursery. Wanted to fight Strahd.
Almost killed by a door. Keep running, Marina.
I must get stronger.

Speaker 1 Y'all better. We're fucking level four, Marina.
We have to get the fucking. The rest of us new, it's not the moment.
Okay.

Speaker 1 Okay, and I will say, Jens, since you used your tarot card

Speaker 1 from your inspiration deck, I will roll another card that Strahd can use against you. Oh, boy.
I've drawn the card. You see

Speaker 1 in the breast pocket of Strahd's military uniform, a small golden card appears, and he kind of grins.

Speaker 1 What an insane thing to see from across a smoky room, I say. My eyes are perfect.

Speaker 1 Why are you wearing a military costume? Well, I thought this would be my wedding. Are you the general of something, though? Have you ever gone to war? Of course.

Speaker 1 I conquered this land alongside my father. Oh, okay.
All right, then.

Speaker 1 Go on. Father, not quite a granddad, huh?

Speaker 1 Yeah.

Speaker 1 Our granddad's in a thong. What was yours, Maria?

Speaker 1 It's not my granddad.

Speaker 1 Humanoid granddad. Hold your tongue, grandchild.
He's being petulant, grandfather. It is true.
My father could never, he did not have the vision you have.

Speaker 1 I have a begrudging respect for you and your silks.

Speaker 1 Thank you so much.

Speaker 1 Actually, I kind of like Strad.

Speaker 1 What? We have to leave. We have to leave.
It is initiative zero now. That was the end of the final round.
The abbey is now properly ablaze.

Speaker 1 You hear a loud crack as burning chunks of timber start to fall from the rafters. The flames have spread to every corner of the abbey.

Speaker 1 And from now on, every time you start your turn inside the church, you will take 2d6 fire damage.

Speaker 1 Oh, dear. Okay, that brings us to the top of the order, which is Onyx.

Speaker 1 Okay, you two can get out of here on your own, right yeah i hope so then i think i want to use my entire turn to

Speaker 1 misty step to marina okay a refreshing step so i give her temp hp and then carry her as close to the window as we can okay

Speaker 1 all right so with a misty step that's 30 feet and keep the cloak on because you know straw's just gonna step back out the door and try to loop her around the other side.

Speaker 1 This guy loops. He's a looper.
We know he's gonna loop. A lurker and a looper.
He's a lurker. He's a looper.
I'm a Bruce Willis. I'm a Joseph Gordon Levin.

Speaker 1 He's being real careful with his language, but this guy's a creep. Okay, she only gets one temp HP.
Okay.

Speaker 1 But then I just want to try to, I still have like a full action. Okay.

Speaker 1 So like essentially pick her up and use a dash action to try to get out the window. Yeah, with a dash action, I'll say you can get to the nursery and you can get her out the window.

Speaker 1 Do you want to get out the window too? If I can, I'll get out the window and then I'll point to a tower that's not burning that St.

Speaker 1 Markovia can consecrate and then tell Marina to run in that direction on her turn. Okay.
Yeah, awesome. So I will say, yeah, you help Marina hop through this window and then you jump after her.

Speaker 1 You kind of land on the ground, look up. You see that the surrounding area is not quite on fire yet.
It's mostly concentrated in the abbey.

Speaker 1 There's this like walkway lined with flowers and frost-covered grass.

Speaker 1 And then you do see like this outer gate and these two watchtowers where you saw those two zoominoid guards initially, and that's where you stole the net from.

Speaker 1 Those are small, but they are open currently.

Speaker 1 Okay, so as I get out, I'm going to say, Markovia, can you,

Speaker 1 how's your reach? Can you hit these towers with some consecration? So, yes, you land outside of the abbey.

Speaker 1 You feel this like cold rush of wind hit your face as you escape from the fire.

Speaker 1 And you ask Markovia this question and you see she kind of like appears leaning against the side of the building, almost like touching it still, and she says, Okay, that sing's on fire. Be careful.

Speaker 1 Okay, yes, no, I have a cooling touch. Don't worry.
I helped your friend Nayak with his mini, mini back problems. Did you? Did you, though? Temporarily.

Speaker 1 They will realign improperly.

Speaker 1 He will need to visit me again every other week for a simple session in $3,000. And does insurance cover it? No, no.
You will need to get a rebate.

Speaker 1 If you can lure Strad away, I can consecrate this place and make it safe against evil, but it will take some time.

Speaker 1 Whether you drive him forth or you make him follow you from this land, as long as he is gone, I can create a ward. I can hallow this land.
Okay, so I think that right now,

Speaker 1 Nayak is in there with the pendant, so he's just going to sort of do the expelling of Strad.

Speaker 1 I am worried about Marina dying because she is very hurt, so I'm just going to bring her to a tower and we'll hide in there.

Speaker 1 Okay, so you look up towards the tower, and I will say there is one other thing you see in this courtyard now. There is

Speaker 1 a whole swarm of werewolves.

Speaker 1 They are encroaching upon the wereravens, Grigory and Esmeralda. Esmeralda is still captured, by the way.
It looks like Grigory could not free her. But they do not seem to be attacking them yet.

Speaker 1 They're kind of like closing in, circling them. You see, there is this big swarm that seems to be led by one massive scar-covered werewolf with pure black fur.

Speaker 1 He's striding forward and seems to have his eye specifically on the cage with the baby werewolf inside. Oh.
Okay, I'm just gonna shout. We are actually the ones who saved the chompy, okay?

Speaker 1 So the only reason your pup is here is because of us.

Speaker 1 Okay, so you guys are gonna head towards the tower on your next turns. But that is your action for now.
Thank you. I will say, as you shout towards these werewolves, they have very good hearing.

Speaker 1 The black werewolf's ears do perk up a little bit as you speak. So just something to keep in mind for next turn.
Let's see. That is going to bring us to.

Speaker 1 Oh, Vasilka. Yeah, Bradzilla.
She is still in full Bridezilla mode, just refusing to admit that this wedding isn't happening.

Speaker 1 She's actually going to rush over to Nyak at the altar and scream, Something borrowed!

Speaker 1 Something borrowed!

Speaker 1 Oh, fuck. Yeah, sure.

Speaker 1 Oh, Nayak has

Speaker 1 a bag of Jens's gloves for dueling.

Speaker 1 Oh, yeah, so that's borrowed. Yeah.
Give her your bow. I've borrowed these from Jens.
Give her your bow. But he didn't borrow it.

Speaker 1 That's perfect, honestly. I love that.
I want to make you roll for that. She takes two of the gloves from this dueling bag, puts them on, says, perfect fit.
Why two? But you can take one.

Speaker 1 Jens might miss the other.

Speaker 1 Oh, dear, what have have I done? With that, she is going to turn towards the person that she thinks has ruined her wedding, which is Strahd, and she is going to take her attacks against him.

Speaker 1 All right.

Speaker 1 Unfortunately, both of those attacks miss.

Speaker 1 Give me back those gloves. You're not using them right now.

Speaker 1 She tries to just slap him with the gloves, and it doesn't quite work. Those are dueling gloves.
If you can't duel, they're not yours. I challenge you.
Yeah, then they're just gloves.

Speaker 1 Okay, and that is going to bring us next to Keychain's turn. Keychain was stationed by the door getting ready to run out.
He is like right next to Stradd.

Speaker 1 Now he says, Should I fight or should I offer a potion? Get a potion to Marina. Okay.

Speaker 1 Keychain is going to use a dash action to get from the door through the east wing and out that window in the nursery.

Speaker 1 I think he will be able to land right next to you, and I'll let him deliver a potion to Marina. Great.
He leaves as I shout, Fight with me, my brother. Stand in this burning church.
See ya.

Speaker 1 Fight Straddy back to O.

Speaker 1 Oh.

Speaker 1 Bye-bye, baby.

Speaker 1 That is going to be 2d8 plus 3 to Marina.

Speaker 1 Awesome. Marina is back to full HP.
Hell yeah. With 110 HP.
Ooh, nice. There you go.
From my pathetic refreshing step. Okay, Marina looks refreshed.
She chugs this potion down.

Speaker 1 I was really dehydrated in there. Yeah,

Speaker 1 it's a fire. Okay, I do need to roll fire damage for Pekapup, Onyx.
Yeah. Nine fire damage to you.
Cool. Three fire damage to Vasilka.

Speaker 1 And six fire damage to Keychain. Keychain is actually looking pretty hurt.
That is going to be the swarm of werewolves. They are going to surround Grigory, Esmeralda, and the Ravens.

Speaker 1 I'm going to have them roll a contested athletics check as they're going to try to just secure them, essentially.

Speaker 1 You guys are all watching this happen from your position outside the window. Honestly, I don't really know them, so I've had it.

Speaker 1 We just cannot save everyone.

Speaker 1 We simply can. Yeah.
I can save Melina, that's all. If this is how Gregory goes, that's fine.
Esmeralda seems really interesting, but you just cannot keep getting captured. God bless you, Esmeralda.

Speaker 1 But I mean, I'm sure you're a wizard. If you got out, you do some cool stuff, but.
This is the beginning of Grigory's story. I feel it.
Werewolves got a 21 on their strength.

Speaker 1 You roll for the wereravens. I'll just do this as one singular roll.

Speaker 1 They got a 15. So I will say that the werewolf swarm kind kind of encircles them.
They've got their spears up kind of pointing in. They've overpowered them for now.

Speaker 1 You see that the wereravens they try to fly away, but they've got this cage and they just kind of circle up with Grigory and Esmeralda and kind of hold their hands up.

Speaker 1 They are kind of held captive at the moment.

Speaker 1 And that brings us to

Speaker 1 Strahd's turn. Oh no.
Yeah, so I think he's lost sight of Marina. Marina has like gone through this flaming doorway.
He assumes she's just like further in the abbey.

Speaker 1 But actually, what I'm going to do here is I want to roll a perception to see if he can see through the flames to what Nyak is doing.

Speaker 1 He got a 28 perception.

Speaker 1 So he is able to see this silver glinting pendant in Nyak's hand. And you see, as soon as he sees it, his eyes alight with this rage.

Speaker 1 So that's where that went.

Speaker 1 Sergei,

Speaker 1 Even in death you taunt me with your trinkets

Speaker 1 Nyak what I would have you unhand that he is going to cast blight on Nayak huh

Speaker 1 well

Speaker 1 it was nice knowing you guys

Speaker 1 You have much potential Nayak

Speaker 1 you see his hand lifts this necrotic energy starts to form around it as he kind of waves it around in the air kind of gathering this foul magic. Then he says, I have watched you, Nayak.

Speaker 1 You have grown as a hunter. You have taken out many powerful foes.

Speaker 1 Reagan, Pioter, the abbot.

Speaker 1 You have what it takes to join my dark coterie.

Speaker 1 Let's see if you can pass this final test. Are you proposing a merger with Spudfuckers?

Speaker 1 Keep us up in mind, Nayak.

Speaker 1 You have a dark hunger, Nayak. It sits around you like a cloud of gloom.
Both body and mind seek more and more.

Speaker 1 Let me see if you can handle this amount of darkness.

Speaker 1 So I need you to make a constitution saving throw. Oh boy, con.

Speaker 1 So you have negative one. Such bad con.

Speaker 1 I think I do have, yes, negative one to con.

Speaker 1 That's a nine.

Speaker 1 Nayak, he

Speaker 1 blasts you with this necrotic bolt of energy. You feel the gloom turn against you, transforming into these raking claws, almost like Strahd's own hands, and you take 29 points of damage.

Speaker 1 I can, I can take it, Strad. Oh, oh, actually,

Speaker 1 it hurts when I go like that. It hurts when I go like that.

Speaker 1 Nyak crumples to a heap and is down.

Speaker 1 So Nyak crumbles to the ground, still clutching this silver pendant, and you see Strahd focuses his gaze firmly on that.

Speaker 1 But that is all he can do because he cannot move yet until the end of his turn. Oh, but he does take 26 fire damage, so there's that.
Take that. That's from me.

Speaker 1 My sexy grandpa. I forgot.
Within all this craziness, zoomenoids...

Speaker 1 Attack the werewolves outside. Help the people that are getting captured.
You're not going to kill Strudge, frankly. Oh, yeah.
Sorry to the fish dudes. I'm sure you're awesome.

Speaker 1 You're just not gonna beat Strudd. We rock.
You gotta see us at the beach. That's awesome.
Please fight the way we're gonna be.

Speaker 1 And just tackle them. Just try to grapple them if you can.
You got it. Yeah.
Thank you. Okay.
You'll get to make that. Aren't the zoominoids the ones who drank their puppy's blood? It sure is.

Speaker 1 And you know what? Apparently,

Speaker 1 we have the same grandpa now, so it's fine. We'll get the wolf something.

Speaker 1 We realize we're all a family.

Speaker 1 Jens is furious that he has to turn to the zoominoids for help.

Speaker 1 You know?

Speaker 1 That's going to bring us to Nyak. Go ahead and make me a death saving throw, please.
No problem.

Speaker 1 Shout out to the two crew. Yay!

Speaker 1 Okay, that's one. Alrighty.

Speaker 1 That is going to be the Were Ravens and the Donk Squad. The Were Ravens outside are captive.
The Donk Squad inside.

Speaker 1 What would you like them to do? Please go outside and help the other allies.

Speaker 1 You got it. yeah if you get captured too you guys are gone like you guys got to help yourself to be honest somebody's got to do something only have one dependent it's marina everyone else

Speaker 1 extraneous yeah okay i get it yeah we'll do our own thing your grandpa might outlive you and that's fine you can't be our grandpa too this is borrowed time like we got you out of the lab helpful or you're gone yeah the wear ravens too like they shattered the windows and that was awesome and then they got captured.

Speaker 1 So like we're just looking for something, you know?

Speaker 1 She's like, no one knows how to do work anymore. Yeah.
No one knows. This new generation of zoomoids.
I've raised a lot of awareness about how all is not well here.

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Speaker 1 Okay, so they are going to get outside. I'm trying to think if Strahd can take an opportunity to attack on them because he's still standing in front of the doorway.
He He hasn't moved.

Speaker 1 Yeah, why not? Drain his reaction on them. Yeah, yeah.
All right. Stradd's going to use his reaction to take an opportunity attack on them as they run through.
This is the Donk Squad running past.

Speaker 1 Strahd, ooh, definitely hits them.

Speaker 1 18 damage.

Speaker 1 Damn. He's good.
What level are you, Strahd? Because I'm only level four.

Speaker 1 Yeah, Straddy, you think you're so fucking cool? We're level four. Yeah, wait till I'm your level.
Pick on someone your own level is. Fight us in Trinityville.
Fight us in Trinityville.

Speaker 1 Fight us in fucking Trinyville. Seriously.
Or in Vobius. Yeah, we're in Vobius.

Speaker 1 Okay, so

Speaker 1 they fly through the door.

Speaker 1 Strahd swipes at a couple of these donks, and unfortunately, one of them falls. Oh.

Speaker 1 No!

Speaker 1 Wow, so that seems really personal. That is pretty sad.
I do feel I feel bad for the donk, for sure. We have a supreme healing potion.
I'll be fine.

Speaker 1 But at the same time, we honor your sacrifice for using up strahd's reactions we are going to erect a fountain in your honor we will erect it a fountain in your honor i agree with that oleg

Speaker 1 oleg you fallen was it the fish person was it a fish person no no no these are all the donk squad oh right they're all donkeys yeah yeah okay so the fountain won't make much sense

Speaker 1 a donkey fountain

Speaker 1 no there will be a donkey fountain

Speaker 1 look oleg actually helped oleg fucking took one of strahd's reactions. That's more than we can say for the rest of you fucking hangers on.

Speaker 1 Okay, so the Donk Squad is going to go mix it up with the Werewolf Swarm. Insult 17 liabilities.
They are going to join this fray, and I'm going to make them do an opposed strength to see if they can

Speaker 1 free everyone else. Great.

Speaker 1 That's a 19. Let's go to the Werewolves get.
Virgins!

Speaker 1 You and I do go way back. Fuck yeah.
That's just a 10 for the werewolf swarm.

Speaker 1 The donk squad takes to the scene. They start doing flying donkey kicks.
They push back the werewolf swarm. So Udo and his crew rejoin with Grigory.
They're with the wereravens now.

Speaker 1 They form into one unit. They're protecting Esmeralda.
You see that the wereravens are still holding Champo in this little cage. The werewolves are being extra careful around this cage, you notice.

Speaker 1 But your allies outside are now free and they can join the fight. Okay, that is their turn.
That is going to bring us to Jens.

Speaker 1 Oh, boy. Okay.
I have to save my stupid goddamn brother. I.

Speaker 1 Okay, I take fire damage to start at my turn, right? Yes. Okay.
Hit me.

Speaker 1 That is six fire damage. Let me also roll.

Speaker 1 So I have Elf Shot still up, which means he has his movement back. Okay.
But I can shoot again. But let me roll a concentration check.
Gotcha.

Speaker 1 Passed. Nice.
And then I'm going to run over to Nayak. I'm going to scoop the Supreme Healing out of his pockets.
Mm-hmm. Dump it in his mouth.

Speaker 1 And

Speaker 1 I think that's a lot, right? He's in like 8d8 or something. Yeah, dude, that's a lot.
Doesn't even matter with our stupid level 4 fucking HP. I cried.
It's fucking bullshit. I forget shot.

Speaker 1 I'm back to full, but it's nothing. It's fucking nothing.
It doesn't matter. Yes, with this potion of healing, you heal Nyak for 10d4 plus 20.
Jesus. Okay, so yeah, you're back.
Yeah, you're back.

Speaker 1 Yeah, so you're back to full. Uh-huh.
You love me, brother. Shut up.

Speaker 1 So as Nayak comes back to life, Jins, you see that your sun sword and the Dawnflower pendant start both rattling

Speaker 1 and it starts to gleam with this bright light. You see like kind of these like sparks of sunlight start appearing at the hilt.
Hmm. I do think this is going to be very useful sometime.

Speaker 1 I do think if I try to turn him, he's just going to save.

Speaker 1 And I do think if I shoot him with the beam, it's just going to do a lot of damage, and then he's going to fucking kill me in one hit.

Speaker 1 So, what I'm going to do is, is I'm going to pull out a tiny bow and I'm going to shoot him with the tiny bow. We have every tool at our disposal.
Oh, you're doing the bow. Yes.

Speaker 1 And that's a 19 to hit. Jesus Christ.
Okay.

Speaker 1 With a tiny bow in the foot.

Speaker 1 You hold him in place again. Yeah.
And then

Speaker 1 I grab Nyak and I'm going to run for the... No reaction.
I run paste. I'm on the fucking

Speaker 1 dude. Okay, thank you.
Yeah, Oleg. You don't merge with us, we merge with you.

Speaker 1 Yeah.

Speaker 1 Yeah, come back, Liz, another pitch. We're gonna buy you out.
Um, Jins, as you make ready to flee, Markovia appears again and puts her slightly too chilly hand on your shoulder.

Speaker 1 Okay, I'm realizing now that trying to restore my holy ward on the Abbey might be a little difficult at this point. It's gone.
It's gone. It's burned.
There's a lot going on. However, all is not lost.

Speaker 1 If you wish for me to cast the consecration spell, all you need to do is take my bones.

Speaker 1 What? Take my bones. Where are your bones? They're in there.
They're in the hole. Fine.
I take my bones. Get my bones.
I take your bones.

Speaker 1 As long as you have the bones, I can cast the hallow spell wherever you might be. Okay.
Then you will have safety against Strahd. Yes, we take her bones.

Speaker 1 Thank you. And I run out.
Be gentle with my bones. God damn it.
I am not gentle with the bones. You weren't gentle with mine.
I just shove them in like a Trader Joe's bag and get running.

Speaker 1 Nice tote.

Speaker 1 Awesome, cool. So you flee with these bones.
As you pass, Strahd says,

Speaker 1 You are very clever, gins.

Speaker 1 I had a brother once, too.

Speaker 1 But I didn't let him weigh me down. Consider what this means.
If you truly wish... to see your Empire of Potatoes rise.

Speaker 1 I was already thinking that, Strahd.

Speaker 1 Hearing Nyack out.

Speaker 1 Okay, awesome. So that is your turn.

Speaker 1 We're both not looking at Straj. Head forward.

Speaker 1 We are out of here. Nice.
Head forward. I mean, Nyak can't even turn his head.
Yes, sure. It hurts when I go like this.

Speaker 1 Does that mean that everyone except for the Zoomenoid swarm is out of the Abbey now?

Speaker 1 Maybe.

Speaker 1 They weren't going to have a good life. Let's face it.

Speaker 1 Nyak screams as they exit. Onyx, the Zoominoids are still in there.
We are on marina duty. We don't have time for Zuminoids.
Nayak, I will literally join Stroud if you run back in there.

Speaker 1 I will literally join Stroud if you run. Wait, Nyak, get Zenet.
Nayak is like Sean Penn in Mystic River trying to get back into the burning church. Grandpa, is that my net in there?

Speaker 1 Grandpa, we're burning in here, Grandpa.

Speaker 1 What do we do? Sorry, Grandpa's arts of hearing.

Speaker 1 Why don't you guys give me another persuasion roll? Jins, do you want to do this as you're running past the Zoom noise to see if you can persuade them to join you outside of the church? Yeah.

Speaker 1 Just yell, follow your grandpa.

Speaker 1 Or don't. I pose in Betty Boop lingerie.

Speaker 1 Uh-oh. Okay.
I do have good persuasion, but I rolled bad.

Speaker 1 Nine. Nine.
Okay, let's see what Straw does. Let's face it, my heart wasn't in it.
Straw got an eight. Yeah.

Speaker 1 Wow.

Speaker 1 He just keeps being like, no, join me. I have much to.
God damn, that grandpa is sexy.

Speaker 1 Even he has to admit it.

Speaker 1 It's like Freudian almost. I don't fucking know.
Looks like an uncle I had. I don't get it.
Grandpa had Betty Boop.

Speaker 1 As opposed to Betty Boop. He's this hot face.
Yeah, dude. Grandpa.

Speaker 1 Yeah.

Speaker 1 Sick. Okay, so these zoominoids are going to attack Straw.
All right, you want them to join the fray outside. Yeah, let's just get zoominoids, grab the cage of the baby werewolf.

Speaker 1 Let's get, let's just get to town. Great.
Everyone, just keep running. All right.
Because I feel like the Markovia, the way she words it, it sounds like a long-term thing.

Speaker 1 I don't know that we're going to get to a tower and she's just going to instantly cast a spell that repels him. Yeah, also, this church is burning.
Yeah, yeah. Also,

Speaker 1 we're just done here.

Speaker 1 We just have to. Is everyone else burned out too? Yes.

Speaker 1 I am. Honestly, like,

Speaker 1 I'm kind of staring at Marina and Esmeralda being like, one. See, now you understand sort of the micro, the macro that I'm feeling on it.
All right.

Speaker 1 Okay, so they're going to take fire damage as they run out. Here, I thought that I was like not a mom anymore, but Marina came along and now I'm a girl mom.
I'm a girl mom. Or a girl grandpa.

Speaker 1 I grabbed my girl grandpa.

Speaker 1 You're a girl-grandpa. A girl pa.
Girlpa. I have my girlpa.
I have my sword master. And I have Nayak.

Speaker 1 Yeah.

Speaker 1 You see this swarm of a variety of species of all sorts and types. Just like Noah's Ark fucking bounding out into this courtyard to fight these werewolves.
It is just fucking bonkers what is going on.

Speaker 1 I can't believe we're on the same side.

Speaker 1 For grandpa! For grandpa!

Speaker 1 I can't wait to ask grandpa about his long and historied life while we're getting fucking toasted on a beautiful wine patio.

Speaker 1 We just can't. More of them have to die.
I can't handle like 30 of these dudes. Grandpa, tell us about grandma.
We're so sad we didn't get to know her. Which one? I've had so many love.
Oh!

Speaker 1 Grandpa's been busy. I have three families.
Bring us some fucking Lamprusco. We're getting into it.

Speaker 1 Okay, so the Zoominoids use a dash action to get up into the mix with the werewolf swarm, and that is going to bring us to Marina. Marina, as instructed, is going to just...

Speaker 1 head down, dash, ears fluff. Yeah, head down like me, Marina.
She turns to Onyx and says, Should we make for the guard tower or should we just fucking book it straight down to the village?

Speaker 1 Let's go to the village. Yeah, let's go.
Let's go to the village. Let's go to the village.
Okay, okay. Yeah, she runs.
I'll say. Again, no looking at anyone ever.

Speaker 1 Just head forward. Yeah, what about that Esmeralda? Should we try and free her or should we leave that? No, I don't know.
I have room for one of you.

Speaker 1 One.

Speaker 1 Okay, yeah. Got it.
Got it. Thank you, girlpa.

Speaker 1 You're welcome, Marina. You're so wise.
Much to learn. Well, when you've had three wives, you learn a lot, okay? It ages you.
Am I right, boys?

Speaker 1 Stop.

Speaker 1 She can take a widened birth. She gets like basically to the gate of the abbey here.
The gate leading down the switchback trail. Okay, so she's going to be ready to go next time.
Great.

Speaker 1 All right, you are making your escape. This is awesome.
That is going to bring us to Basilka. Oh, yes.
Vasilka was the one I forgot about. She's still in there.
Nayak rushes back into the chair.

Speaker 1 She goes towards Strahd

Speaker 1 and just screams, something blue!

Speaker 1 Something blue!

Speaker 1 And Strahd is like,

Speaker 1 Yeah, she's a lot.

Speaker 1 Yeah, gaze upon, that's your wife. Now you know what aged me so.
I can't believe that the Abba thought I would be into this.

Speaker 1 And he is just going to refuse her offer, and Visilka is going to take two swipes at him

Speaker 1 she does 32 damage to him whoa shit maybe we should save her um she rushes up to him in this kind of like rage strahd a second too late realizes how tightly wound these muscles are the mixture of animalistic parts and human anatomy have created this super strong beast humanoid that just wails on him.

Speaker 1 This kind of like last will and testament of the abbot just launching into him. And you see him take the brunt of this damage and you hear a strange noise in the distance.

Speaker 1 Almost like the shattering of a gemstone and he actually bleeds a little bit.

Speaker 1 Curse you, Abbot, curse you, morning lord.

Speaker 1 This is not going as planned. I grow tired of these games.
I I grow tired of this world. I grow tired of these people and their tiny ploys.

Speaker 1 He wipes the blood away quickly, and you see kind of a demeanor shift in this vampire lord as Vasilka concludes her attack. He's so upset about the tiny bow.
Yeah, we're sitting at tiny bows.

Speaker 1 Fucking tiny bow for the win. You said tiny ploys.
These tiny ploys and these tiny bows. Okay, that's that's keychain.
He's gonna just run with y'all. Does anyone need healing real quick? Yes.

Speaker 1 Well, I'm not that bad.

Speaker 1 I'm at 21.

Speaker 1 I'm at 31. Okay.
Yeah. I'm at full now.
I take a little health, certainly. Okay.
A single hit from Shroud would fuck me up. Yeah.
He'll hit you with one of his healing potions. Thank you.

Speaker 1 13 healing points. Thank you.
I'm back to full. 27.
Nice. Keychain, can you free Esmeralda if you can? Just trying to get these guys out of here.
Can we give Champo back to his people?

Speaker 1 Yeah, I don't know. Okay.
I don't know whose side who is on. Can we look and see if what Champo's thinking? Yeah.
Yeah.

Speaker 1 Jims, you want to do a perception check to kind kind of get a little bit of land here? Champo

Speaker 1 These guys cool. They don't seem cool.

Speaker 1 How are you feeling, dude? Champo, do you want to be with them? I got a very bad perception check. I got a four.
You got a four. Yeah.
Um, since the zoominoids joined the fray again,

Speaker 1 just a bunch of crazy animals dancing around. Yeah, that was Keychain's turn.
Um, would you like Keychain? You want him to go and try and free Esmeralda?

Speaker 1 If you could free Esmeralda so that Esmeralda can also run, that would be great. Okay.

Speaker 1 He is going to take an attack on Esmeralda's chains.

Speaker 1 Fuck me. That misses.
Jesus, dude. Key changes.
Stay.

Speaker 1 I'm sorry.

Speaker 1 This is a big, strong man. A cold.
She has him on her feet as well. Yeah.
She can't run. So she can kind of shuffle.

Speaker 1 That is the werewolf swarm. I'm just going to roll a contested strength.

Speaker 1 I'm going to have them and the zoominoids go on the same turn now and just do a contested strength and see whose numbers are reduced.

Speaker 1 Hell yeah. The zoominoids prosper.

Speaker 1 You see, they look so excited about their upcoming trip. Shit.

Speaker 1 They promised us. It's okay, because

Speaker 1 the morning lord, aka Sexy Grandpa, promised them. So tomorrow, when I am Onyx, they won't recognize me.

Speaker 1 We'll just say

Speaker 1 sexy grandpa skipped towns. Right.
Like he always does. Okay.
And when you start another. And then they'll just become like highwaymen.

Speaker 1 You're out there finding another wife.

Speaker 1 You're going to be so quick to join another cult. They're so dangerous.
That is the werewolf swarm battle. Next up, you see this big blackford scarred werewolf breaks off from the pack.

Speaker 1 He's got like a little bit of gray in his muzzle and one of his eyes is white where he seems to have taken a sword swipe. And he rushes over to the wereravens and the donk squad.

Speaker 1 But he doesn't attack. You see him just kind of start to parlay with them almost, and he points towards the werewolf in the cage.
Ciampo, are you good?

Speaker 1 That's my daddy. That's a good idea.
That's that. That's what I was saying.
I think they're friends.

Speaker 1 Is that your sexy grandpa, Champo? Do you like your dad?

Speaker 1 I love my daddy. He's the alpha.
Oh, he can't save me. I think we need to be a good one.

Speaker 1 All right, Champo's good. This is great.

Speaker 1 Opens the cage. You see this big werewolf with black fur.
He's like approaching hesitantly because he's kind of like putting up arms as if to say like, don't hurt him. Okay.
Okay.

Speaker 1 So he's like moving towards that direction, but he's holding his turn. Cool.
Wait, Onyx, did you go? No. Oh, fuck.
We forgot your turn. I'm so sorry.
Let's take your turn now.

Speaker 1 You have all the information. You have the lay of the battlefield.

Speaker 1 Okay. Please act.
I'm sorry about that.

Speaker 1 Marina, just don't do any.

Speaker 1 Except for dash. Except for dash.
Just dash, dash, dash. I'm going to go try to free Esmeralda.

Speaker 1 So I think I'm just gonna go over and

Speaker 1 try to attack Esmeralda's.

Speaker 1 I honestly don't care about her hand manacles, just her feet manacles. Can I move my hex? Yeah.
Okay. These feet manacles have been trouble.
Curse them. 24 to hit.
24 hits. Okay.

Speaker 1 How much damage you do? 18. There's one HP left on these manacles.
Okay.

Speaker 1 Good luck. Just run, yeah.

Speaker 1 You see Esmeralda like... I loosened it for you.
She's got this like metal sort of like clasp over her mouth so she can't cast spells. And she's just like, we're so close.
You're so close.

Speaker 1 So is Stradd. So that brings us to Stradd's turn.
He still can't move because of this fucking elf shot. You see he takes nine more fire damage and something in his

Speaker 1 demeanor seems to have shifted. It's almost as if like a piece of armor has fallen.
His injuries seem more grave. His face looks more haunted and angered.

Speaker 1 He lashes out at the thing closest to him. He is going to cast fireball on Vasilka.

Speaker 1 Oh boy.

Speaker 1 So much for the honeymoon.

Speaker 1 I guess the honeymoon phase is over.

Speaker 1 Restrad sees this like concentrated vestige of the abbot and his influence and he just unleashes on it.

Speaker 1 You see he kind of like commands the flames in this chapel and directs them directly towards Vasilka and she erupts in flames and falls totally destroyed.

Speaker 1 And he still can't move, so he just kind of like turns his head back to the side, looking towards the exit where you all are, and said,

Speaker 1 I suggest you run.

Speaker 1 We are already doing that. Yeah, we are already doing that.
You can't suggest something that we're already doing because we're not listening to you. We thought of that first.

Speaker 1 It might be reverse psychology. He might be trying to make us not run.
That's our original idea. Running.
You just take the first suggestion. It was our idea.
It was our business.

Speaker 1 No, you can't do that. You can't.
It's just this i just i don't work it doesn't work on me it doesn't work on me either

Speaker 1 if you reverse or reverse it's nothing so he can move now okay he can move now that is going to be um oh nayak that is your turn i am head down blinders on not running because stradd told me to running because i thought of it by myself originally um and can i just i know there's one hp left on those uh manacles can i just kick at them with my foot really hard?

Speaker 1 Yeah, definitely. Oh, yeah.
That is a 19. You kick these manacles off, you

Speaker 1 unstrap all of them, and you see Esmeralda, this woman with like long black curly hair and this bandana and this robotic prosthetic on her leg, just takes this huge breath of relief and says, oh my fucking God, finally.

Speaker 1 God, that took you so long. What the hell? All right, we're going to leave you here if you make fun of us too much.
Okay, okay, okay, geez, geez. That was was all on Gregory.
I did that.

Speaker 1 It was a Gregory thing. Yeah, this guy.
He kicked out my foot, and that was basically me. I mean, come on, he's doing the best he can with these hooves.
I'm level four. What level is Gregory?

Speaker 1 Okay, great. Let's go.
Let's go. Okay, let's go.
Let's go.

Speaker 1 Yeah, did Leo send you? Where did you guys even come from? We'll chat later. Okay.
Chat later. We're really burned out.
All right. Yes, no.
I follow you. See this church? This is how we feel.

Speaker 1 Yeah, no, that's not good.

Speaker 1 Let's head towards my wagon.

Speaker 1 I have really fast spiritual horses attached to it. Whoa.
Okay. cool.
Okay, I have a magic golden carrot that controls it. Oh, we actually.

Speaker 1 I have that. I almost gave it away.
What the fuck? Why do you have that? Because I broke into your wagon. And that's how we knew you were here.
Oh, that was the Elker Spire. Okay.
Pretty good.

Speaker 1 I'm actually pretty attached to Fitbit. Yeah, Fitbit can come too.
Yeah,

Speaker 1 what is Fitbit? Is it like a... A different donkey, not a donkey.
Man.

Speaker 1 Okay. There's too many donkeys here.

Speaker 1 We gotta pair down the donkeys. Can I bring a zoominoid, Esmeralda?

Speaker 1 Oh, yeah, if we could get out of here quick. We made a lot of promises to people.
Okay, so that was Nyak. That was your turn.
Is there anything else you want to do?

Speaker 1 That was your attack, but if you have a bonus action or movement or something.

Speaker 1 Yeah, can I make eyes at this werewolf daddy and just point at

Speaker 1 Ciampo and be like, is that your

Speaker 1 boy? That's my boy.

Speaker 1 Who are you? I'm your guardian angel.

Speaker 1 And I'll go over to the cage and unlock Champo. Did you...

Speaker 1 Did you kill the abbot? Did you help slay that monster that stole my boy? I suffocated him with my net, sir.

Speaker 1 Like a true hunter.

Speaker 1 He grasps your shoulder where Champo was.

Speaker 1 Ooh, you pinched something. He's gonna look deeply into your eyes and say, what you have done for me can never be repaid,

Speaker 1 but I will do my best.

Speaker 1 He grabs Chompo and puts him on his shoulders, then turns to the Werewolf Swarm and says,

Speaker 1 It is sacrilege what we do,

Speaker 1 but it must be done. Attack the Supreme Alpha! Whoa,

Speaker 1 Chompo, the ultimate bargaining ship.

Speaker 1 Wow. I love you, Daddy.

Speaker 1 I missed you, Daddy. I missed you so much, my boy.
I love you so much. That's cute.

Speaker 1 So on the Werewolf Swarm's turn, they are going to head towards the church to attack Strahd. Yes.
And that is going to bring us to. Oh, the Were Ravens and the Donk Squad.

Speaker 1 Now that the Werewolf Swarm is mustering to attack Strahd, they are just going to take a wide berth and head towards the gate to meet up with Onix and Marina. Great.

Speaker 1 And that is going to bring us to Jinz's turn. Great.
I'm.

Speaker 1 Gonna shoot him with elf shots. Yes!

Speaker 1 Bravo. Shout out to the two crew.
I miss Usher.

Speaker 1 I yelp, and then I take off,

Speaker 1 continuing to run to meet up with Marina and Onyx. Okay, so since the elf shot is lifted, Strahd is going to start pursuing you, but you guys are like all the way towards the gate.

Speaker 1 He's going to start moving that way, but he was still in the church, so he's going to just start slowly striding.

Speaker 1 You see that, like, the last bit of flames is kind of like hanging like a wreath on his now-burning red cloak as he strides out of the abbey towards you. Not good.
Damn.

Speaker 1 And that is going to be the Zoomenoid sword.

Speaker 1 You guys can definitely take him. I don't know.

Speaker 1 I promise you he can. He has one.

Speaker 1 And when we get to that winery and we're talking about all of Grandpa's conquests,

Speaker 1 it'll all be worth it. Yeah.

Speaker 1 Grandpa, give us strength. I know you were in so many wars.
Tell us a story. You know, the real battle was with

Speaker 1 all my wives.

Speaker 1 Right? Rather than the battle of wills.

Speaker 1 He tells it like it is. I love willful women.
What can I say? Sirad is going to roll a contested persuasion again.

Speaker 1 That is a 22.

Speaker 1 Here, I'll roll against that. Okay.

Speaker 1 Nat 20.

Speaker 1 Oh my god. You see

Speaker 1 the humanoids.

Speaker 1 They quaver for a second. Their knees shake.
You see carapaces and scaly legs quivering. And then they regain their strength and say we gotta do this grandpa style guys

Speaker 1 we're all getting wives after this

Speaker 1 so your wild oats the wedding might be canceled but the conquest is on okay we have to make sure no one survives this you made a promise for grandpa

Speaker 1 So the sumenoids rush towards Strahd. They all bound on all fours towards Strahd, meet him as he's leaving a church.
They make contact. They're swarming all all around him.
He looks furious.

Speaker 1 And that is going to bring us

Speaker 1 to Esmeralda. She's going to start running back.
She like gathers like lightning into her hand and sort of like circular motion and blasts it at Strahd.

Speaker 1 Lightning bolts. 5e.
I think it's a deck save in 8t6 would be my guess. Sure is.
At least 2024 though. Strahd's going to make a deck save.

Speaker 1 He fails, but he chooses to pass, so he only takes, unfortunately, seven damage. There you go.
Yeah. And this is why we don't use spells on Strahd.
Strahan.

Speaker 1 He looks annoyed, if nothing else, as the zoominoids swarm him, lightning strikes him, and you guys make your way down this switchback trail. That brings us to the end of the order with Marina.

Speaker 1 She looks back at the Abbey, sees it burning.

Speaker 1 I feel like there was more to discover there, but we will save it for another day. Now, we must flee.
You, my sword master, you, my girlpa, and Nayak.

Speaker 1 You know, we'll figure it out, man. You can say it.
We'll figure it out. Let's go.
Let's get this. We're gonna figure this out.
We're gonna do this. Yes.

Speaker 1 And we're not level four, for sure. She runs down the hill.
You all book it down this switchback. You see Kirill and the werewolves join the Zoomenoid swarm.

Speaker 1 They are all just attacking the shit out of Strahd. You hear his rage as you flee.
No!

Speaker 1 She is mine!

Speaker 1 Red lightning strikes the ground.

Speaker 1 Was she yours or was she your brother's? Shut up, shut up. You know nothing.
She was wasted on him. He was a fool.
A coward. Craven and soft.

Speaker 1 He is ranting and raving as you make your way down the hill. Gravel spraying as you slide down it.
You run past Isak, who is still just doing random jobs. You see, he's got like a mop bucket out now.

Speaker 1 You head towards the stockyard. You jump into Esmeralda's wagon.
She says, get it, get it, where the fuck is it carrying? Right here. I almost gave it away.
Okay. Could you imagine? Oh my god, dude.

Speaker 1 Like, I've known you for like 30 seconds, but like, you're on my last nerve. Yeah, I'm fucking burnt out.
Yeah, I could have fucking burnt out. I'm burnt out.
I'm more burnt out than you are.

Speaker 1 Okay, okay. Again, Marina is your problem now, okay? Because Onyx wants Anyx time now.
She wants to have some fun. Onyx is burned out, okay? I'm burned out.
You burned Onyx out.

Speaker 1 The only one not burned out is Nayak, and he's dumb as hell. Yeah, but I have two tweaked shoulders.
And he's two tweaked shoulders. He can't even look behind him.

Speaker 1 Okay, we need like a fucking vacation, guys. We absolutely need a vacation.
Mommy needs mummy time. Where are we heading? We're heading to some fucking winery because of some tree.
Okay, a winery?

Speaker 1 Now you're talking my fucking language. Here we go.
Let's get there. Let's get absolutely smashed and figure out our next move.

Speaker 1 She grabs this golden carrot, shoves it into a small hole in the driver's seat of this carriage, twists it, says, Throvash! And two spectral horses appear.

Speaker 1 As this happens, you see the wereavens swoop into the back of the wagon. The donk squad hangs onto the side.
And you guys book it out of Vilaki and into the open road towards the winery.

Speaker 1 And that is where we will end our session. R.I.P.
to the Zoominoids. I don't think they're going to make it out.

Speaker 1 The promise was made. R.I.P.
Pop. A couple of them are just going to roll up to the winery for sure.
Whoa, good fucking Lord, y'all. That was...
Close. Yeah, for sure.

Speaker 1 I will say, you guys were right to complain. You were very low level, but because you have got these magic relics, because you have left Valaki, you guys are level five.

Speaker 1 Yes!

Speaker 1 So that means two attacks and hopefully more of a chance to one day take on the Menace of Strahd.

Speaker 1 But we will talk more about that and the menacing events that have happened on our short rest, which you can find at patreon.com slash nadpod. We are P-OD.
No, no, no, no, don't sing that.

Speaker 1 Don't sing that. We'll do that later.
I promise.

Speaker 1 Does anyone have anything they want to plug? Yes, we have our live show in Vegas for Dimension 20. See Dimension 20 live in Las Vegas, November 1st.
So coming up this weekend. So come see us in Vegas.

Speaker 1 Search Dimension 20 Live. Live and on stage.
It's going to be a stage, right? Yes. Not like

Speaker 1 a fountain. Not just us in a fountain.
Okay, great. Not friend style.
Okay. Nope.
Check out my Substack, substack.com/slash at Jake Hurwitz. And I would love to plug.
This is fun.

Speaker 1 So last year, a bunch of NADPOD fans made a calendar for charity, and they raised a lot of money. And and they're doing it again this year.
There is not another DD calendar or NAD calendar.

Speaker 1 If you Google NAD calendar,

Speaker 1 you will be able to find it. It's NAD Calendar 2026.
May I suggest Sexy Grandpa

Speaker 1 as one of the months. Right.

Speaker 1 If you're still finishing it up, putting the finishing touches, Sexy Grandpa, I think really just. An iconic character.

Speaker 1 All proceeds go to the UNICEF Gaza Appeal. So that's great.
So please go support that. That's NAD Calendar 2026.
I'll put a link to it in the episode description.

Speaker 1 Yes, you can follow us on social media that remirmatures at CH Mercurme at Caldee Scaldwell at EXTR Demily and at Drake Roads of Jake. And you can talk about the show online using hashtag NADPOD.

Speaker 1 That's N-A-D-D P-O-D.

Speaker 1 We are, we are the youth of the nation.

Speaker 1 We are, we are the youth of the nation.

Speaker 1 It's the end of the show, everybody, and that means I need to shout out our benevolent council of elders, starting with Brad D, Jeffrey S, Lord of the Fjord, Later McSkater, Matt M, Cutter W, Jeff C, Daniel G, Danielle the Dastardly Dame, Carpe Liam, Victor T, aka Balnor's Boy, Hoyd's Friend, Justin I, Danny Danster, TJM, Trele the Cray, Christopher B, Daniel, Yes, Caldwell, Thanks, only took six years, R, Jordan L, cyborg version of Josh the Cobald, Targat, Stevie Wags, Hellish Rebuker, the NB, DM, PhD, Princess Yar, Jory S., Jack L, Nicholas C, star of every film ever made in Bohumia, Mike H, Alka Smeltzer Plus, Great Value Gemma, Tyler F, Cece Lulu, Bald Biern, Hercule Poirot, the Rabbit Folk Detective, Timmy R, Jake's Jerk Jelly, Hashtag CCC, Cass Skateboard Cass, Stephen C as the bumbling bugbear, Captain Hastings, Nick W, Nico, the underpaid English teacher, William W., Big Bad Beardo the Mad, Ananorama, Percival Frederickstein, von Mussel, Klazowski, De Rolo III, Jay Dragonborn, Guardian of the Vibe, Honoring the Cock, Impressive Dongle, Ben A, Dave H, Not That Nick, Danny F, Hawkeye Pierce, Big Bad John, DPC is Awesome, Sean, the Shade Tree Mechanic of Zelbaldar, Summer Rose, aka Grand Tear, Mark the Dark Lord's Taint, Cat C, Misa of House and Zunza, Ariel the Occasional Mermaid, Selena N, aka Valay C Raptor, B.

Speaker 1 Perky Always, Pat L, Lauren H, Serve 16, Annie the Fae Wild Therapist, Pierogi Frenzy, Salil, BioQuirt 7, Bean Rat Was Innocent, Trubb Hop Dropper, Jack H, King of the Bull People, under Iron Deep, dressed in blue and fighting his way through a bracket-style tournament, Valon, Podge Podge, the bitchin' bunny bard, druidic Peyton, Carlin C, Omri M, Noah, the gentleman fister, hashtag honor the cock, James G, Everything Bago, the Eladron who just wants to hang out with his pet badger, Stripey, Reverend Chatterbones, Han,

Speaker 1 Eric B, Marcos, PhD, eventually, Learns the Balanced Druid, Frida M, Maggie, Holly, the Green Laughing Hyena, Grim Waller, Executive Chef of Bahumia, Aaron B, Russell H, a monk named Dilgo, yes the whole thing, yes, every time, Cody C, Lorelai, the succubi, and Kyra the succulent snack, Cow Go Truckin', your friendly neighborhood yaunt and young, Andrew and Sid,

Speaker 1 lover of awe naturale, logarithms, John Adams, James F, Wayfarer, now has to do something with the trolls, get rid of them, turn to page 42, keep them, turn to page 69,

Speaker 1 Oreo, Barpo Goodbarrel, Barbarian, Charlie Brown's best friend, Renee the Monster Captain, Olivia the Enchanting Bard, and Jared the Soap Opera Cleric, who are playing the wedding march for Onyx.

Speaker 1 Blue Ash, Fico, Garrett the Artificer, Jay, K-Guard, Fancy Matt. The fairies have returned to debauchery and must now go to the Carnal Corner.

Speaker 1 Cantrip Dumbledore, the Bear Onesie Wearing Barbarian, Lexi H, MJ the BFG, Roger L, Nodrog, the Pass-a-Fist, Barbarian, John Luca, Leon K, Legendary Hero of Bahumia from a Future Campaign, Shenanigans O'Connor, Mios the Great, Joshua S., Alexander, Linz W, Sky the Wise, aka the Lone Dungeon Master, The Spudfucker Himself, Johnny Dude K, The Mischief of Nadpods Familiars, Pavu Eskinar, the Goliath Paladin providing service with a smile, Jake Well Murphily, Tim M, Dragon Knight86, Scrungle, the main event, T-R, MLG Cheeto, Shell B, Kenna's first favorite sprite girl, Happy Penderween, Halloween, Halloween, Spooky, Spieltacular, aka D20 Live in Riva, Mas Vegas, Jet S, Snailus, the Eldritch Snail, Death to Tyrants, Pawpaw Sky Days, Mima Sky Days, Megan N, Genevieve of the Sea, Anthony B, Balinor's best friend Steve, Stephanie of House and Zunza, Benjamin A.

Speaker 1 Gimli the Corgi, Pop on Foster's canine friend, Mikkel A, Triple-S tier crickwater enjoyer, Josh H, pilot of the Nightmareverse flight, The Two Crew Blew Through, Kelsey A, Ethan the Mailman, Maple the Shy Bookworm, Nick AJ, Ashosaurus, Seth the Stroker, Bearer of All Hog-related Burdens, Billy Batson, Tori the tungsten dragoose, accidental sharer of recipes, Michael L.S.

Speaker 1 II, Meow Meow Kitten, Carl B., Plumber of the Realm, Ace Dreggs, High Lord of Critzburg, Vin Diagram, Catamilius the Consumed, Cam the Vampire Frogman, Dean, Jake W says, Hi Mom, Tuesday Cross, only here for the surfin' murph.

Speaker 1 We love you, Rat Jesus, NatPod fan, and Barmitzfud Man, it's Dave O, Steve L, Tyler McM, Ga Dog, Zibadabachery, Kaylee, Katarina C, Misty, the crispy kitty, really hates flame skulls, Greg W, there's so many of us now, but hey, you're doing great and we love you.

Speaker 1 Thanks, Greg W.

Speaker 1 Baruch Thunderhelm, fifth generation Minotaur, working as an abandoned labyrinth tour guide, Chupac Aubrey, Bony is dead, The Water Worth, your four-legged Greg companion, Nick, Amy, Aegis Kunari, Ignition Class Pedal Storm, Nadi DJ, but will still take the gig.

Speaker 1 DJ Drama mean, Chef Julie B, Mama Mayhem, still waiting waiting for Emily's first sub stack, Jen Rules Kinda, Caitlin H, Buttwax, Thomas C, Dark Lotus Creations, Joshua H, Jacob M, Louie H, AJ D, and finally, Ben V.

Speaker 1 Thank you all so much for listening. Thank you to all of our listeners, all of our Patreon subscribers, and of course, our benevolent Council of Elders.

Speaker 1 You can catch our after-show over on the Patreon, patreon.com/slash nadpod. Until then, we'll catch you all next time.

Speaker 1 That was a head gun podcast.

Speaker 1 What's going on? It's Lamorn Morris and Hannah Simone. And we host The Mess Around, a New Girl rewatch podcast now on Head Gum.

Speaker 1 Now, here's the thing: every single week, we chat about an episode of New Girl, and we really get into it. Like, we get up in there, we get up in there.

Speaker 1 You know, we reminisce about our times on set, we share behind-the-scenes tea, we react to rewatching episodes that we haven't seen in years.

Speaker 1 We talk about how Jake Johnson is dog.

Speaker 2 That's not true. We talk about so many memories we have of working with the biggest stars on the planet.
I'm talking Prince, Taylor Swift, Olivia Rodrigo.

Speaker 1 We're just two BFFs having a good old time, okay? Sometimes we even talk to other co-stars like Zoe Deschanel, Jake Johnson, Max Greenfield, and Damon Waynes Jr.

Speaker 1 And your dad, we talked to your dad on this show as well.

Speaker 2 Make sure you subscribe to the mess around wherever you get your podcasts. New episodes drop every single Tuesday.