Trinyvale X Strahd - Ep. 12: The Ghost in the Glass

And we're back live during a flex alert.

Oh, we're pre-cooling before 4 p.m., folks.

And that's the end of the third.

Time to set it back to 78 from 4 to 9 p.m.

What a performance by Team California.

The power is ours.

This is a Head Gum Podcast.

Welcome to Trinaville.

And also, Berovia.

Peruvia.

Oh, yeah.

Ring the freaking bells, baby, because it's time for another episode of Trinaville Extraad.

I'm your Dracula Uncle, aka Drunkle Caldwell Tanner.

And as you can tell, my voice is just barely hanging in there.

We're going to power through.

Getting over a

bit of a cold, but I think it's going to actually help because we're in a creepy, spooky place full of phlegm and mucus and creepy, crawly things that are gross.

What's scarier than a cold?

It sounds cool, like you smoked a cigar last night.

I wish.

I'm smoking one right now.

That's how he got his cold.

He was sharing a cigar with sick dudes.

I love going to the classic cigar lounge with the sickest men in town.

They're just hacking.

And speaking of creepy crawlies, I am joined by my creepiest crawliest, pretty, pretty players, Brian Murphy.

Hired Stefan Urkill because the lute is a pill.

Ooh.

Jens Lindell.

Nice, nice.

And Emily Oxford.

Pastel mess in a wedding dress.

It's Alex Lumiere.

Yes.

I just always have to be reminding everyone I'm in the wedding dress.

Unacceptable.

Unacceptable.

Unacceptable.

That's the name of the reality show where she goes into kitchens and judges

how sanitary they are.

I'm sorry, did you say it's unacceptable?

No, you passed.

You are unacceptable.

Okay, great.

Why are you tearing down my kitchen then?

And finally, a contestant on that show is Jake Hurwitz.

Feeling nervous about this wedding service and also my new reality show, knack of theranophore.

Ah, well, friends, before we get started on our new reality show venture, how about a quick recap?

All right.

Yes.

When last we met, Jinz had just summoned a ghost assassin inside a magic mirror.

The assassin asked Jinns who he should kill, and after some deliberation, he chose the loot-playing lobster mutant, aka Lutant.

The triplets then told the assassin to act when the code word pretty sexy was uttered.

Next, with margaritas in hand, Onyx led a Grills Grills trip to the gazebo and pond near the gate to the abbey.

A correction, I was not drinking because Nayak was not drinking.

Oh my god.

But I'm still cutting loose.

Right.

You were holding margarita glasses, but there's nothing in them.

I know, I was just saying that to bother Jens.

We're having fun.

I'm mad at you guys in real life.

Going sober to be annoying to someone is very funny.

No, I could party.

I just have to head home by nine.

Once there, you encountered the ghost of St.

Markovia, who revealed that she was the ancestor of Marina by way of her biological mother, Demira.

Markovia said that the ghost of Strahd's past had all conspired for this moment, and that she would tell you more under the sun in the abbey.

Stunned by this knowledge, Marina informed you that Markovia had once led a rebellion against Strahd and nearly defeated him.

She also mentioned that Markovia wielded a sword of pure sunlight.

After squabbling over who had claimed said sword, you investigated the pool and found that it had mild, healing properties.

Next, you headed back to the house.

Onyx stashed her magic dream journal under the Baron's bed, and Jinz and Nayak prepared an all-appetizer dinner for your wereraven guests, Erwin and Danica.

During the meal, you all did lines of crocane and

theorized that the Baron was smuggling something up to the abbey in the wine barrels that had originally come from Erwin's tavern.

You also learned that the lootant was once a man named Gorek, and that the mutants from the abbey had often been seen lurking near the town's graveyard.

As the dinner concluded, Erwin agreed to send a few were ravens to watch over the abbey tomorrow.

Afterward, Nyack and Bluetooth headed to check out the graveyard, and Onyx and Jinns went to watch the Baron light the wolf's head pyre.

While there, Onyx Misty stepped into the flaming wolf's head, causing everyone to think that the night mother had returned.

This upsurge in fear caused the puppet Ariana to awaken in Onyx's pocket.

Onyx then confided to her that while being a phone is great, she might need to become a stronger stronger weapon for the fight ahead.

Meanwhile, in the graveyard, Nyack and Bluetooth found that several graves had been freshly dug up.

You also found a scrap of red bandana which you concluded must belong to Esmeralda.

Upon returning to the mansion, the burgomaster gave you an invitation from the abbot to a wedding tomorrow at noon.

In order to get a solid 12 hours in, you all promptly went to sleep.

Unfortunately, your plan was interrupted by the early morning sounds of Izek leading a crew of donkey-headed criminals, as well as barrels and crates, up to the abbey.

While you prepared for action, you sent Bluetooth ahead to spy once more.

At the top of the hill, he saw the abbot standing next to a pale woman in a tattered red dress.

The abbot pulled a finger out of a barrel next to him and proceeded to sew it onto the woman's hand.

It was at this point that you noticed that the woman's entire body was covered in stitches and seams.

And that is where we are now.

So, Bluetooth is still up in the abbey.

The abbot seems distracted, attending to Vasilka, the corpse bride, and has not noticed him yet.

But if he lingers longer, he might.

What would you like to do?

Call him back, I guess, right?

Let's get going.

This seems bad.

I send out my signal for Bluetooth.

Retreat, tactical truth.

Yeah, retreat, don't get caught like you did last time.

So naughty.

Serpentine, serpentine.

That's from Call of Duty, I think.

Shh, don't yell serpentine, though.

As you treat.

Serpentine!

Wrapping around like a snake.

Alright, okay.

Okay, so we see that the guy is actually doing something so mean right now.

Yeah, he's doing something so mean.

Wait, can we still see Isak?

Oh, Bluetooth, follow Isak.

Okay, yes.

All right, he's going to follow Isak.

Isaac is going to head into the town square.

And as soon as he gets there, he kind of just

sighs and starts like picking up the people that are drunk and have like passed out from the festival before.

And he just tosses them into the fountain one by one to wake them up.

Okay, so he wasn't charmed at all.

He's just doing errands.

So he's just doing, he's just got a bad deal with the abbot.

He's just dropping off the body parts.

He's fine, honestly.

Nayak, you might be able to get him from here.

Do you want to just take a shot?

Wait, why?

Why?

What?

No, no, no, no.

Stop.

Everyone fucking stop.

We have like 30 people.

We have to fight.

He pulls his bow back.

Why does anyone want to fight this fucking giant dude?

You see, Isaac pulls out like a little like notepad and says, like, oh, so many things to do today.

He's got Eric's whole day.

He's overworked.

He's just complicit.

He's fine.

Where am I going to find summer squash this time of year?

Yeah.

All right.

Look.

You get to live another day, Isaac.

Your dirty deeds will go unpunished.

Okay, so Frankenstein's monster.

Look at Onyx again.

Is about to get married.

Weird that you saw the red ribbon thing in the graveyard, right?

I assumed something belonged to Esmeralda.

Maybe Esmeralda's not captured.

Maybe Esmeralda's gonna gonna freaking pop out and start offing, dudes.

Yeah, maybe she'll handle this whole thing.

Unless Esmeralda's dead and is the corpse, Brad.

She could be dead, yeah.

There's a lot of rooms we have not explored yet.

In the Abbey, yeah.

Okay, yeah, let's go find her and then burn the whole thing down.

Everyone's bad.

Okay.

Okay, to burn it down, we do need to get the alchemist fire and the fireball.

Yeah.

As you mentioned the fireball spell scroll, you hear a scratching sound at the attic door.

And when you open it, a skeletal cat hops down from the attic with a scroll in its mouth.

Cute.

The cat drops the scroll on the ground and then looks up as if expecting payment.

Nyak, did you catch the cat's name?

Bones.

That was cricket, wasn't it?

A grasshopper or something?

Cricket?

Cricket.

Cricket is correct.

Yeah.

It responds to cricket.

Okay.

Give it cash, Nyack.

Nyak pats his hand.

Oh, yeah.

Nyack's holding Jens' wallet, of course, because he holds all of No, hey, here's you.

Excuse me, up here.

How much gold, Jens?

One piece of gold.

Good kitty.

You see the kitty bites into it to make sure it's real, and then just kind of nods and says,

and then scurries back up to the attic.

At a cricket.

And you now have this fireball scroll.

Great.

Okay, fireball scroll, load up my alchemist fire into my pack.

Should we send Bluetooth to retrieve the dream journal?

Yeah, why not?

Great.

Okay.

So, yeah, Bluetooth will go in to retrieve the cool journal.

Serpentine.

Serpentine.

Dude, stop.

Whoa.

Dude, I'm just fucking with you, man.

You're cool.

Okay.

No, yeah.

Wow.

Is that sort of self-awareness that you hurt his feelings?

You're really growing.

I went on too strong.

I'm trying to be better.

I'm trying to, like, just expand my horizons and, like, find new ways to embrace

the mindset that I'm all about.

Wow.

Yeah.

Did that make sense?

Because, like, when I listened to the podcast about it, it didn't make sense to me, but I just repeated it as if it made sense, and I feel like now it's sinking in.

Damn, could really use that journal, huh?

Okay, okay, go, Bluetooth.

But before you go, yeah.

I actually don't know if I need to be a boy mama anymore because you've become a man.

I do feel like my body is coursing with tea right now.

I feel like I'm going through.

Yeah.

When we were on our solo mission, I saw that you had armpit hair.

And that's rad.

I feel like that means you don't need parents anymore.

I feel like I'm almost ready for like solo missions.

Or maybe I need to like graduate.

But I don't know how to do that, mom.

How do I do that?

It's because I've been babying you.

But you're ready to be on your own.

That's right.

But before you do, actually do a favor for mommy.

Okay, that's one more.

One more.

One more favor.

Cool.

He scrambles up.

The Baron and the Baroness were up late last night at the party and the festival, so they're still snoozing.

He's gonna scramble up and just like actually, he'll go underneath the bed and cut a secondary slit, and the journal just falls right into his hand and scrambles back without them even noticing.

So clever.

And then he hands you this little dream journal, and here is what it says.

Oh, let's see what kind of cheeky dreams this guy is having.

So you recover the dream journal from the Baron's bed and peer inside.

And there, written in a deep purple ink, is an entry labeled Vargas Vlakovich.

The dream is written like a stage play and reads as follows.

Setting, the Wolf's Head Jamboree, Night.

The Baron stands in the center of a massive wicker wolf's head.

All around him, people wearing wolf's masks hold torches and approach slowly.

They lower their torches in unison and the head bursts into flames.

As the flames lick at the Baron's feet, he screams, No, please, I only did what I had to do.

I'm sorry, I'm sorry.

Suddenly, Isaac steps forward from the crowd.

His arms have been ripped to pieces, and blood spouts freely from his shoulders.

Father, I beg you, leave this town.

Take Victor and Fiona, and let me rule in your stead.

Take the offer from Dolter von Holtz and buy the land near the winery.

Do it!

Do it before it is too late!

The flames grow brighter and hotter.

The Baron screams,

then wakes up.

End.

Is Sax the Baron's son?

Does the Baron have two sons?

He's double dipping.

He's double dipping.

Oh, he cheated.

He cheated.

Because the baroness knows though.

He cheated.

You cheated on your son.

And then the offer from Dolter von Holtz?

What's that?

Who is Dolter von Holtz?

Have we.

You haven't encountered that name before.

And it was something about the winery.

It was about taking the vineyard.

There's all this stuff going on at the winery.

There's just too much stuff.

Okay, we just woke up.

How are you burnt out?

Yeah, I'm just burned out.

You know what needs to be burnt out?

The abbey.

Yeah.

So let's just explode the hell out of the abbey.

Then we can do whatever else we need to do.

Let's add it to the list of winery stuff, right?

There's some other guy that's offering people stuff.

Jens, I'm going to tiptoe around you right now because you're volatile.

I need to consider one more thing that we add to our list of things to do.

Tread so carefully go on.

Okay.

I am considering.

Does anyone know if vampires dream?

That's a great title for a novel.

I doubt it.

Okay.

Never mind then.

I don't know why.

I think in dreaming.

You see, Marina pipes up.

I cannot speak from a place of science, but dreaming is purely a human thing.

I do not know if vampires are allowed that privilege in their death.

They're dead.

Is there anyone else that we want to get with this dream journal?

Because I think that Bluetooth is ready for a solo mission.

Oh,

and we could dispatch Bluetooth to collect more dreams.

Wow.

You think I'm ready for that?

You're the dream catcher, Bluetooth.

Fly.

You will be a scourge on everyone's dreams.

Dreamcatcher, that's so sick.

Yeah.

I'm gonna get a sidecut.

Whatever you need.

You know what?

Whatever.

Because who makes the decisions now?

I don't get your air anymore.

I'm an adult and I'm gonna sleep on a mattress on the floor in an apartment.

That's awesome.

Yeah.

Is there anyone else that we know that is a human ahead?

Or maybe this is Dr.

Van Alt?

Oh, yeah, the one that made the offer.

Yeah.

Would it be near the winery?

Yes, I believe that perhaps that person might not be here, although we could inquire before we go up.

Yeah.

Okay, so maybe we try to find out where they live and then we dispatch Bluetooth to collect their dreams.

We're talking about doing other stuff instead of going to the abbey right now.

Is that what's happening?

No, no, we're going to the abbey.

We're going to go to the abbey.

Jens, we are going to the abbey.

We're so going to strategize you.

So going to the abbey.

It just feels like we're doing other stuff.

Here's the thing, okay, gents, when you are making a garden, you don't plant one seed and wait for that seed.

You plant many seeds.

Right.

And you see what grows given the growth.

growing conditions.

Okay.

Otherwise, you're a farmer and you have one ear of corn, gents.

And that's not going to make you a lot of money.

Okay, so I would say this is

a farmer.

Okay, no, no, no.

This is not serious.

What are we doing?

This is more like an angle's pump.

Jump to the wall into our garden and we need to deal with that

before the other

come and fucking eat it.

Right?

What's it going to do?

This is not

cultivating stuff.

I'm talking about eliminating threats here.

Frankenstein's monster is on the fucking altar right now.

Okay?

Let's sell it for the seeds at the end of the day.

Okay.

The winery stuff, in my opinion, seems like a tomorrow gens problem.

Okay, the person, the monster waiting at the aisle, seems like a now problem.

What if Bluetooth just goes to get Erwin's dreams?

I literally don't care what Bluetooth does.

Let's just send Bluetooth.

Yeah, Bluetooth, go get Erwin's dreams.

Okay, shall I be sniffing about it?

Of course, always.

Right.

Serpentine.

Slither dream catcher.

You never approach a problem head-on.

Right.

Okay.

You need to.

I give him a copy of the art of war because I know a lot of tech bros like it.

All right.

Slither.

This is strategy for work, but also life.

Sidewinder dreamcatcher.

That's my code name now.

Cool.

So he starts just kind of like wiggling off towards his destination, not going in a straight path at all.

He is being so literal.

Okay, should we go back to bed?

Yeah, that works.

Wait, what?

You want to go now?

Yes.

Oh, this second.

Well,

just, I feel like I'm ready to go.

Did it work?

I just feel like we saw what we needed to see, no?

Yeah, but like...

Sure, yes.

I'm just feeling surprised.

I'm feeling gaslit here.

Just

what more do we need to gather?

He has a barrel full of body parts.

Just a couple more Z's.

Okay.

Yeah.

Right, but if we wait till noon, the actual ceremony will happen and we'll just roll up as bad shit's already happening.

Why wouldn't we go right this fucking second?

Why do we want to kill Isak?

Why do we want to go find out who offered someone a fucking room in a winery?

Like, I just feel like I'm going fucking nuts.

Okay, guys.

Jinz is being totally crazy, but he might have a point.

Yeah.

He's got a point.

He's going about it in a crazy way, though.

Right.

This is ultimately a constructive conversation, which I'm happy to have.

Yeah, I'm in the morning.

Thank you for like saying.

You guys want to everything but deal with this fucking obvious thing that we have to deal with.

I just think the garden thing you're talking about doesn't track.

Okay.

Yeah, you're totally, totally onto something.

I appreciate that feedback.

And I say, let's go for the Abbey.

Let's have a snack before we go.

Just so we're

feeling.

Yeah, let's have a snack.

I mean, is there a reason that we don't just say

PS

right now?

That we don't say PS right now because we're not there and Erkill might just show up and get murdered.

Okay.

We don't know that he's going to one-shot the lootened.

Okay, he needs backup.

He needs backup.

Okay.

He's part of our backup.

We go in, we do the PS.

For those listening, the code words are pretty sexy for the assassin and sort of sexy for the ravens.

The rare ravens.

Not confusing at all.

No, great plan.

Let's serpentine in.

Yeah.

Okay.

Well,

invisibility is not much of an option here because with second level, I'll only be able to cast it on one of us.

Oh, I have disguised self.

Oh, I also have disguised.

So we could disguise ourselves as.

Oh, we get some donkey heads.

Okay, underneath my donkey head, I am going to look like the morning lord.

Okay?

Why?

Jens, why do you let other people's actions which don't affect you affect you?

It does affect me.

It could get me murdered just like crazy.

Guys,

let's go.

You turn and see.

Nyak is the eight-year-old boy again.

Do we want to grab donkey masks real quick before we leave?

Yeah.

Okay.

Yeah.

I'm going to kick off the day by giving bardics to both of you guys.

So you guys both have them just for anything.

I have plus six stealth.

Do you guys want me to go get the donkey masks?

I have plus seven stealth.

Oh, sick.

Okay.

And then I'll cast invisibility on Nyak.

Nyak, why don't you go down to the stockyard and and see if you can find any donkey masks around?

Bring them back up here, and then we will make our way up to the abbot.

You got it, dude.

Mary Kate and Ashley.

Shut up.

All right.

Nayak's gonna sneak over to the stockyards.

Great, singing.

The morning, Lord.

Oh, he comes.

Yes, he comes.

Go ahead and give me a stealth check with advantage.

Oh my god.

19 on the die.

That's 26.

Sick.

All right, great.

Yeah.

With a 26, you're blasting past everyone's passive.

You're blasting passives, dude.

So by the stockyard, actually, by the stocks, you find like a little crate with a hinged top.

And inside it, there are extra donkey masks.

So you can grab a couple of those.

Groovy.

Who said that?

Groovy.

What is this strange word?

Oh, chee whiz.

Cheese it.

Cheese it.

Nyak grabs as many masks as I can carry, I guess.

Can I take four?

Yeah.

Okay.

I'll take four.

All right, because Marina.

Yep, that's right.

I guess there's more ghost children around.

I've got to shoot them away.

All right, great.

So you head back.

You're going to put on these donkey masks.

I think, Nayak, if you want to stay invisible, you can stay invisible for this.

Oh.

And then that way you can pop out if anything goes wrong.

As an eight-year-old.

Well, don't do that.

We'll give you a code word.

Let's say

kind of sexy.

Okay.

Means that Nayak will pop out.

Could also be not sexy.

No, everything's got to be kind of on the same.

It's got to be on the scale.

Oh, yeah.

Got it.

Okay.

Great.

And then me and Onix.

And...

Oh, and then we have four masks.

So then the rest of us, including Keychain, will put on donkey masks.

Entering donkey mode.

Okay.

Let's go, donkey.

I am going to disguise myself as the morning lord underneath the mask, though, so Jens doesn't see and it doesn't step him off.

Like in the parables when the morning lord would visit as a beggar.

You saw nothing.

What?

You saw nothing.

If Jens hears about this, he's going to unravel.

He's going to flip, yeah.

Yeah.

Jens looks so tense as he looks out the window.

I think that is the secret of his swordsmanship.

He's coiled like a spring.

I think so, yeah.

Actually, I've never seen him.

Zisk like crazy before.

I think this is the most crazy I've ever seen him.

Is everyone ready to go?

Yes!

It's this rotten land that affects everyone in a way or another.

All right, why don't we do this?

Nayak, since you're invisible, why don't you go a little bit ahead, essentially, as the scout.

You can check to make sure everything, the coast is clear.

We'll follow.

And then if we ever get caught, we put the donkey masks on and we play dumb.

Perfect.

That's a plan.

Yes.

Great plan.

Okay.

Under pressure, you really perform.

That was so good, Jens.

On four hours of sleep, too.

You seem like you're just saying that to placate me.

You need a win, brother, and you just got it.

We don't need the dreams of some random landlord or anything right now.

High five.

Spitefully high five, Nayak.

As you prepare to go, Onyx, you feel a buzzing in your pocket.

And you pull out this Ariana doll.

I hold her to my ear like a phone.

Hello?

Hello?

Hello?

Hello?

Onyx, is that you?

Hello, babe.

Hi, Ariana.

How are you?

I'm great.

I'm just circling back about your desire to have a stronger weapon.

Yeah, so I let my son

who has become a man.

So I would have to be a man-mom, which is such a creepy fact.

No, that's not good.

Yeah, so I sent him off.

He's on his own now.

You did?

Yeah, yeah.

You delegated.

I know.

In my world, in the world of GEOs, that is a very important role.

Okay, so I did that, but now I am empty-ended.

I see.

Well, if you've severed your connection with Bluetooth, then perhaps I can give you something in return.

Yeah.

He's off on his own now, and I think eventually he'll be ready to return to me and serve me here in the glooming, in the Feywild.

But for now, I shall give you a new gift, a new boon, to serve your greater purpose.

Sometimes we must connect, and other times we must sever.

You see that a small antenna pokes out of the head of the doll,

and it starts glowing with this pulsing light.

Boing, boing, boing.

And in your pocket, you feel your charm of the pact keeper pulse in tune.

You pull it out, and the charm grows, transforming into the weapon of your choice oh

okay

whoa i think that i still want it to look like the handle is like one of those sort of like charm ridden phones like someone whose phone has too much going on it's got like a pop socket yeah

as like a fiddle toy it has like little charms of little creatures hanging from it and above that it's just a normal mall oh so it's really just the handle looks like a overly personalized phone.

It's so does it have like a bunch of stuff dangling from it?

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Wow.

That's so cool.

It's so distracting.

Yes.

There's like three laboobus on there.

There's definitely some laboobus.

There's lots of like anime characters that I've never read the manga to.

Oh, Demon Slayer.

Cool.

Nothing, I don't know.

Awesome.

And I'm back to Pact of the Blade.

Sick.

And I can summon a weapon.

So I think the idea is that maybe, like, if I summon a different one, it would still come out of this really garish phone.

So I will say the trade-off there is that Bluetooth is no longer under your direct control.

You could still influence him.

He's his own man now, though.

That is not bad for me.

That is what I wanted.

Right, yes.

For me?

Yes.

For him.

Yeah, he's a week old.

He can be off on his own.

He is armpitter.

Yeah.

He's got opinions.

Most of them, okay.

And with that, are you guys ready to head up to the Abbey?

Yeah, I think Nayak lead the way.

We will follow from a safe distance.

Oh, you're invisible.

Okay, I'll shake things every once in a while.

Great.

Like a tiny little...

Yeah, look for my shaking or my scratching.

So you get to the gate to the abbey, and you see there are two guards stationed there at the bottom of the gate.

But when you show up in your donkey mask, they're like, Excuse me, hello.

You guess supposed to be here?

Think you're supposed to be in a stock?

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Docs,

hee-haw.

We're here to help with the ceremony.

Oh,

and you see, the other one turns him and says, Yeah, I think Isaac's supposed to take them up there.

Okay, yeah,

go right ahead.

I wouldn't want to go up there, but geez, sure.

Yeah, if you're helping out, then by all means.

Hee-haw.

All right.

So they open the gate for you, and you climb the long, jagged trail to the abbey.

As you rise higher up the hill, a light dusting of snow covers the rocky gravel path.

Eventually, the road passes between two small stone outbuildings, on either side of which stretches a five-foot-high wall of jumbled stones held together with mortar.

Blocking the road are two mutants in rough-spun fineries.

They stand in front of a rusty iron gate that appears to be unlocked.

One has a colorful, feathered head like a parrot, and the other has whiskers and a snout like a rat.

I'll say that you're kind of like

farther down on the trail.

They haven't spotted you yet.

How would you like to approach?

I think we'll do the Nyack scout ahead.

We stay still until we see him shaking something, and then we proceed there.

Okay.

Yeah.

I'll just do a quick perimeter sweep.

I sniff the red bandana.

and start bounding around the outbuilding.

Cool.

Give me a stealth check with advantage since you're invisible.

23.

Awesome.

Yeah.

You gracefully scale this outbuilding, leaving every stone turned, I guess.

There's nothing gets moved.

And you land gracefully inside this little structure.

You see that it is like this little guard post.

There's a bundle of musty animal furs, clearly used for sleeping.

But next to that, you see a rusty shovel caked in dirt and a net woven from twigs and pine needles.

Tixonet, say, Texanet.

Nayak goes back and forth.

He picks up a fur, picks up a shovel, and then he hears Onix's voice in his head.

I should take the net.

Drops everything and picks up the net.

Okay, yep.

Great.

You have this net.

Oh, Abbott, what a web you've woven.

We're going to catch you in your own net and then blow you up.

So you're inside the gate now.

You've scrambled over this guardpost.

The two guards out front have not noticed you,

but everyone else is still further down the hill.

How do you want to proceed?

I'm going to create a distraction so they turn and these guys can sneak past.

Great.

I love that.

Okay.

How do you want to distract them?

I'm going to jiggle a rock so hard on the gate building that

it comes loose.

You're going to collapse it?

I'm going to try to, yeah.

Okay, great.

Can I find a lodestone?

Yeah, give me a sleight of hand to see how much destruction you can cause here.

That's only an 11.

I'm not going to use my bardic.

Okay.

As tempted as I am.

With an 11, you get enough to crumble a little bit of it, but not like fully collapse it.

When you do this, when you pull out the stone and like the rocks on top of it start crumbling down, the parrot-headed guard perks up and says, Ah!

Oh no!

My net!

Oh shit!

Polly wanted net?

Shit!

The building's finally collapsing!

My net's in there!

Let's go.

Try to run past

and just stealth in, I guess.

I'm going to silent image and net

just out of reach and I will run.

Yeah, you see the other one goes like, dude, your net's right there.

You left it over there in the field.

You've got to be more careful with your net, man.

I'm sorry.

Come on, I'll take you over.

We'll go get your net.

So they wander off a little bit of the ways and you guys are able to sneak past.

I roll.

I army crawl.

I walk.

I'm army crawling next to Jens as he walks.

So you army crawl down this flower-lined path and towards the large sanctuary.

I'm ruining flowers and also the wedding dress.

As you crawl, you notice

two ravens perched in the branches of a gnarled white tree.

Give them a thumbs up.

The ravens raise their wings in the bird equivalent of a thumbs up and then call loudly, Jen's rules, kinda.

Jen's rules, kinda.

You don't have to say the last part.

Kinda.

I call back.

I do complicated hand signs back to them to follow me and then I just keep walking briskly while Onyx army crawls next to me.

Jen, slow down.

I can't army crawl as fast as you can walk.

There's a lot of brambles in that dress, Onyx.

My stomach is shredded and not in that way.

I'm crab walking.

Is that good?

For you, yeah.

Yay.

So ahead of you, you see that the large double doors of the sanctuary have been opened.

And inside, you see this 50-foot square room with arched leaded glass windows and two rows of pews.

The garlands and bouquets are lining every surface, and you hear once again the sweet chords of a beautiful lute drifting through this grand sanctuary.

Do we see Esmer Halta anywhere?

Yeah, do we see another rooms that Bluetooth has not gone down yet?

Yes, so I'll give you a lay of the land.

On either side of this large sanctuary room, you see wooden doors leading to the east and west wings.

Cool.

You peeked in the west wing door, and that is where you saw Radu and Saraz in the fort.

You have not looked into the east wing yet.

Okay.

At the front of the room, you see a small pool full of shining blue water.

The pool is framed by stone staircases going up and down.

Upstairs, you know, is where the belfry is.

That is where Bluetooth spied initially.

And hanging above this pool is the golden disc engraved with the symbol of the sun.

And standing in front of that disc, you see three now familiar figures.

The holy man in the brown robe.

The abbot?

Is that who?

The abbot.

The lobster bard, Gorak,

and the pale corpsework woman in the tattered red dress, Vasilka.

Okay, I am going to actually...

I'm going to X Z

Abbot.

Because at the second level, it lasts for four hours.

Does he feel this happening?

It says you place a curse on a creature that you you can see within range.

It just needs to be within 90 feet.

Until the spell ends, you deal an extra 1d6 necrotic damage to the target whenever you hit it with an attack roll.

Also choose one ability when you cast the spell.

The target has disadvantage on ability checks made with the chosen ability.

I think I'm going to choose Charisma

so that he can be maybe less manipulative to his people.

Okay.

So you you do this you lay this baleful hex upon him and the abbot abbot, almost like, as if he's like swatting a fly or something, kind of like reaches for his neck, but then brushes it off.

He seems busy tending to Vasilka.

And Gorak is playing his loot, keeping her calm.

They have not noticed you.

You're peering around the door of the sanctuary.

How do you want to proceed?

Alright, so why don't maybe Marina and Keychain you stay here, because the fight is going to end up being in this room, I'm sure.

But first, hopefully we can get Esmeralda.

So Nayak, why don't you sneak ahead with your invisibility and when the coast is clear onyx and i will follow nayak gives a thumbs up but i'm invisible so you have no idea nayak did you hear you have to shake something nayak nyak salutes oh oh yes yes nayak knocks on the wall sounds good tread so carefully with that i think we should attach a bell to him or something okay so i'm walking east Awesome.

Actually, I'm army crawling east.

Okay, you're army crawling east.

Go ahead and give me a stealth check.

I think I might use my bardic.

Okay.

Dirty 20.

Nice.

Nayak, yeah, you managed to slither, inspired by Bluetooth,

towards this east wing door.

And once you do, you manage to just creak it open ever so slowly and go through without alerting the abbot and everyone in the center of this room.

So in the east wing,

you see a sterile white-tiled room lined with rusting iron bedframes.

On each wall you see a door bearing a small bronze plaque.

The room on the left is labeled operating room.

The room on the right is labeled morgue.

And the room at the back is labeled nursery.

Okay.

Well first I'll call Onix and Jens

into this room with me.

Okay.

Can I try to help us by doing silent image of the walls that we are running past?

And then we run past the the silent image.

What's the range, or like how big of an illusion can you make?

Um, no larger than a 15-foot cube.

15-foot, okay.

So, basically, it can shield like half of our movement,

but also as a magic action, you can cause the image to move to any spot.

All right, that's that's handy.

Um, yeah, I'll give you advantage in your stealth roll for that.

Oh, nat 20.

Who the hell are you?

19 on the die becomes a 23.

God damn it, y'all.

I rolled a nat one to end a nat 20.

Really?

That would have been so bad.

God.

This is insane.

Yeah, you see the Abbott is just kind of still fussing over this corpse bride.

He's obsessed with this finger.

You see, he's like now just applying more powder to all of like the stitches, like tightening the wimple, making sure that like she looks perfect up there.

She's the perfect corpse bride cosplay.

Do you think that this is supposed to be his bride?

I think he is.

Yeah.

You're not supposed to see the bride before before the wedding.

This is bad luck.

This is

such bad luck.

It's an ill omen.

Yeah, we have to stop the wedding just for that reason alone.

Jeez.

Okay, so you discuss this as you make your way into the East Wing.

And again, there are three rooms here.

There's operating room, morgue, and nursery.

Oh, boy.

Okay, well, let's go into the nursery, right?

Because we got to free whoever's in there.

That seems bad.

Great.

Could be the puppies.

The puppies could be in there.

Okay.

Oh, Onyx, by the way, I got you a wedding gift.

It isn't much, but I hand her the net.

Onyx weeps.

How did you know I love nets?

Yeah, I just heard your voice in my head.

And they say you're supposed to have something, something stolen, something new.

Something borrowed, something blue.

Thank you so much.

This means so much to me.

Yeah.

I look at Jens waiting for his gift.

I walk to the nursery.

Outside the sanctuary, Marina turns to Keechian and says, Do you think they're dead?

No, but soon.

So inside the nursery,

you see the wreckage of old wooden cribs.

As you search the room,

you don't see any cages here.

You recall seeing the cage with the werewolf pup upstairs in the belfry.

There are no other cages here, but what you do see is a figure reflected in the window glass.

Maybe they have a a job for us.

It's a young woman clad in all white with flowing auburn hair identical to Marina's.

To Marina?

To Marina's.

Oh, this could be Tatiana?

Is Tatiana the name of Strad's beloved?

Yes.

But Tatiana's dead, I thought.

I thought it was just in a reflection.

It's just a reflection.

Oh.

Her sad eyes scan the party,

searching searching for someone.

She looks at you,

looks shocked, but then looks away, as if to say, oh, you're not who I was expecting.

Hello, who are you looking for?

Oh,

hello, yes, I'm...

I'm so sorry.

I thought I...

I sensed someone.

Someone precious to me from a long time ago.

Ooh.

It is hard to speak of, but...

I once

had a baby girl here.

It is my last memory.

Giving her life.

What did you call her?

Marina.

My last act was to give her that name.

Oh.

Oh.

Oh, she doesn't have great stealth, but she would love to be here.

Oh, can we take it?

Okay, okay, okay, Mira.

Can we take you with us?

I mean, should I just take it?

I feel awful leaving her behind.

Should I just disguise myself as Marina and she can just have that sort of discussion?

Marina?

I don't know.

You know, Marina.

Actually, okay.

I'm gonna figure out a way to get her to you because this is so important for you, I can tell.

This is so important.

You are trapped in this mirror?

I am trapped in this place.

It is where my life ended, and now I have stayed here because

Markovia

has

charged me with protecting a great treasure.

Woohoo, what's the treasure?

Not that I care.

It is something that was hidden here.

A blade.

Our ancestor Markovia once used it in her fight against Rod.

It is said to be forged from the tears the mourning lord shed when he sealed this land away.

If we bring Marina to you, will you tell us where the blade is?

I'm guessing it's underneath the golden sun, right?

Is it underneath the golden sun?

Is it underneath?

You can tell us if it's under television.

You can tell the golden sun, yeah.

No, it it is here.

In this room?

Yes.

I will give it to you if you bring Marina to me.

That is all I ask.

Okay, BRB.

BRB.

Okay, how do we BRB?

Okay, um...

Okay.

Now that we know where this room is, could I climb out a window and lead her here?

Yes, that's fun.

Okay.

Give me a sleight of hand.

I'm going to set the DC at 12 sleight of hand to do this without making noise.

Can I use Meijan to give help action?

I'm trying to think how that would function.

I feel like, yeah, okay, maybe if you're like helping to ease it open.

Yeah, okay.

Yeah, I'll allow that.

Okay.

All right, great.

Dirty 20.

Nice.

Okay.

Yeah, you managed to pry this window open.

You see that it can open outward to let a little air in?

Because obviously these rooms probably got very stinky from all of the excrement and corpses in there.

Sure.

Yeah.

So you crick it open a little bit, just enough for Jins to uncomfortably slide through.

Great.

Oh, fuck.

Me and Onix will make uncomfortable small talk with this woman.

So, who killed you?

Does that count as small talk?

Were you married to Z Abbott?

Yeah, this is such Onyx, this is huge talk.

This is really big talk.

I was like,

How's your wife?

So, Weserbins this season, last of rain.

I was brought here because I was with child.

Um,

I have a theory about who the father is, but I do not know for certain.

Ooh.

It was a sweet boy in the village.

It's a farmer named Emerich.

Immerich?

Isan so hot.

Yes.

He was, you know, he stumbled over his words often, but he was a sweet man.

Okay, have we met in Emeric?

I think that was the guy that you flirted with when you chugged whining.

Wait a second.

Actually, I heard you stating someone new.

Oh, that is good.

I would not want him to dwell on me.

Yeah, he's moved on and he's killing it.

Okay, well, I don't need to know all of that.

I'm sure he wants the best for you, too.

I think he's like killing it, like, as his pickups are litter, as it were.

Wow.

Yeah.

That is.

I'm glad that both his crops and his love life have been.

They call him Emmer Slick because he's so slick.

He's so slick, you say.

Yeah, I'm furiously waving Marina over.

Hanging out the window.

My butt is just caught in the window.

Who killed you, by the way?

And I'm just kicking my feet to be safe, to be pulled back in.

Yeah, who killed you?

I think that perhaps it was just, you know, the act of bringing life to Marina that killed me.

It was not an easy birth.

My last vision, I recall, is the abbot standing over me, but he was smiling.

As he delivered the baby.

Okay.

Yeah,

I wonder if it was the abbot, because it could have been the birth, but if the abbot was smiling when you died, it might have been him.

it might have been him it might have killed you what yeah but i or just let you die yeah to give you a bit of hope i actually think zatimrek will join you soon because he's drowning he's drowning in in pussy

so oh you must be it's so tight for him yeah that's absolutely baller

that's a true statement from my sister she weeps tears of joy.

I start to weep too, believing my own lies.

I'm so happy for him.

I would not want him to be lonely and cold in the night.

Okay,

that is all I know, but my Marina, can you bring her to me?

Yeah.

I'm furiously waving her over.

Jens, what is it?

I'm fucking trying.

Is he fucking James over there?

Yes, get in.

Dude, just ignore him.

No, come on.

We're playing Uno.

No, don't play Uno.

Get over here,

get over the window.

Ah, fine, you go, I'll stay here.

Should I come too?

Yes, you come too.

Okay, uh, they both clamber over, sneaking to avoid the guards out front, but they're far enough away that they can't really detect you.

You both squeeze through this window, keychain a little less gracefully.

Um, and as soon as Marina lays eyes on this woman, she just instinctively knows.

She sees the same auburn hair, the same features on the face, and she says, Are you you Timira?

Marina,

my darling girl, I am.

I am so happy to see you grown.

Seeing you live, it fills me with a warmth I have not known for so very long.

I wish I could be by your side, and I am sorry for whatever role you must play, whatever role has brought you back here, but

I will do all I can to help.

Markovia has entrusted me with a great secret.

She points a finger down to the stone wall below the window.

You see the faintest remains of a colorful mural depicting flowers and happy animals.

One section of the stone depicts a smiling sun with a single teardrop on its face.

It is hidden there.

Please, it is the sword of the sun.

that Markovia once wielded.

Okay.

Dibs.

Dibs for Jens.

Yeah, Jens gets it.

Okay, I shotgunned it.

It's kind of awkward now.

Okay.

But

maybe, Marina, why don't you open it so that Zen Jens can?

And it's just a.

I'll just borrow it.

Something borrows.

So you open it because it's yours, obviously.

It does seem like this section of the stone is loose.

Hold on.

I can jiggle it.

Yeah, Niak will do that part.

You are the jiggle master.

Jam man.

Something haunts me.

Okay, Niak, you want to give this thing a jiggle?

Yeah, I'm going to jiggle it.

Great.

Sleight of hand?

Yeah.

25.

25 yeah you pry this free with with jiggling precision honestly take expertise in jiggling my friend you've earned it emerslick style um you jiggle it out and you see that this stone this like stone brick is hollow inside um and inside it is this beautiful golden hilt

I hold up the rock.

I have the weapon.

It's this hard stone that's hollow.

yeah okay marina your friends are interesting

marina why don't you pull it from the stone and then you can hand it to me okay

jens is licking his chops

so you see it's not um buried in the stone like a sword in the stone it's actually like laid in there almost as if this brick was like a compartment for it.

Oh, god.

So you can easily be pulled out.

Cool.

I'm still going to let Marina do it because I feel like it's going to want to know if I'm true of heart or something.

And we all know I'm not not that.

Yeah, Marina, why don't you draw it just to see if you melt when you hold it?

Yeah, we should know if it's cursed.

Well, I will pass it along to my swordsmaster.

That is the job of a page, is it not?

It is.

She picks this golden hilt out of the brick, gets down on one knee, and hands it up to you.

And as she does, Jinns, you see the faint glimmer of a ghostly form lay another hand on

And for a moment, the form takes shape into this woman with sharp features, white armor, and a blue-trimmed cloak.

And she looks to you and says,

Would you use this weapon to defeat Strahd?

Yes, definitely.

I hate Stradge.

Very well.

Fuck that guy.

I have deemed your heart.

not true, but

full of purpose.

We hate the same guy, right?

Yeah.

Yes, in these dire times,

it shall be enough.

Wow, that's so pragmatic.

We could all learn something from that.

But you have to give Marina the Blade of Truth back.

Come on, come on.

It's not.

Come on.

All right, come on.

This is your rights.

Jins Lindell, I charge you with the mission of defeating Strahd.

Do what I could not.

Wield the holy blade, the sun sword, and end the curse of Strahd once and for all.

I take the sword in my hand and I say, Spudfucker shall open again

on a new dawn.

We're gonna do what you want, but not why you want.

Okay.

What is that?

What is Spudfield?

Spudfuckers is a vegan.

I'm fading away.

I'm fading.

Strad.

Before you leave, let me give you a punch card.

Straddled destroyed our soft opening.

I can't.

Straddy destroyed our soft opening.

This sounds so petty.

You're gonna get, let's say, this is shy.

What are you doing?

Because you got me It's vegan.

It's vegan.

It's vegan.

It's vegan.

You get fresh jets.

The fixins cost money.

Oh my god.

The potatoes are free.

We have chorizo.

We do have chorizo.

We will talk more under the sun after we defeat the abbot.

He is putting a blockage on my power.

He is somehow preventing me from appearing.

Oh, yeah.

Don't worry.

We've got this.

Yeah, he's so fast.

You're going to blow his ass up.

Okay, yes, please.

Reconsider everything you've thought about.

Goodbye.

Sure.

Wow.

Maybe it...

Is she right?

Should it not be vegan?

Or should the potatoes not be free?

Are we eating into our home office?

Oh my god, that's what she's...

Yeah.

I am not a phone anymore, and so I am less concerned with falling into SEO terms.

Yeah.

Like I was before being a vegan boy mom.

Yeah.

So.

Did you see the way she looked at us when we said the potatoes were free?

She said, like, we were idiots.

Like, we were idiots.

It's like we were leaving money on the table.

She was laughing at us.

Okay, so.

Why would the potatoes be free?

Another thing I've learned from Ariana is as she EO says no.

Yeah.

So I'm going to say no.

Okay.

Okay.

So

the potatoes are still free?

No.

They're not free.

No, they're not free.

Who are you saying no to?

Potate, no.

No.

Okay.

I think she might only be saying no.

No.

Just no to

what?

No.

It's like when you go to those restaurants and they're rude to you.

It's like that.

They just only say no.

Oh my god, that's crazy.

Is that what you meant, Anyx?

Yeah.

Okay.

Okay.

Okay.

It's working.

I need her approval.

I need it.

Just to meet yourself.

Imagine how popular a dick's last resort meets a vegan restaurant meets FUD Ruckers would be.

Where the potatoes are extra.

Yeah.

Wow.

Okay.

They would be such easy targets, too.

Vegans are such nice people.

There's no limit to the fun.

Yeah.

So truly, so nice.

Truly bless Samorovia.

I look at the sword.

What does the sword do?

The sword kicks ass.

You gain a plus two bonus to attack and damage rolls made of this weapon.

It deals radiant damage instead of slashing damage.

When you hit an undead with it, the target takes an extra 1d8 radiant damage.

The sword's luminous blade emits bright light in a 15-foot radius and dim light for an additional 15 feet.

The light is sunlight.

Oh shit.

I'm going to fucking murder Straj with this.

Oh wow, this is great.

We just keep meeting Shi-Eos.

We really do.

I was not a CEO.

I was a warrior and a priest.

And I gave my life to defeat Strahd and end his tyranny on this land.

So today we actually call that a Shi Eo.

That's a CEO.

I see.

Things have changed.

For some reason, we call business people and podcasts warriors and stuff now.

It's because they all read the Art of War.

Yeah.

So yeah, you're a warrior and thus you're like a podcaster.

You're also like a comedian.

I don't know.

I shrug.

Very well.

I shall slay and do crowd work.

There we go.

Crowd work's the best.

Jens just thinks about crowd work.

There is not much to do in the afterlife.

Perhaps this should be my new calling.

Yes.

So, Jens, you hold this sword as you inspect it.

As you feel your divine purpose,

or, you know, your purpose taking root,

a beam of sunlight erupts from the sword, lightsaber style.

Whoa.

Whoa,

careful with that.

You cut my ear.

Sorry.

Okay, great.

All right, good.

I think we all agree we got cool new swords.

I look at Marina with the Blade of Truth.

Wow, the Blade of Truth is so cool.

Wow, Marina.

All right.

Well, um...

Marina, do you want to spend some time with your mother here while we check out these other horrific rooms?

She's been doing that the whole time while you talked about Spudfuckers.

Oh, great.

That makes sense.

She's having a heartfelt reunion with her mother, telling her all about her life and Ismark and Alana and the village of Borabia.

I just realized we have to introduce Marina to her father.

Yeah, again, add it to the list.

It's a later thing.

Right?

Alex's boyfriend.

She turns to you and says, Did you know Emeric was my dad?

You flirted with him.

Yeah, do you not want me to be your stepmother?

Hey, do you have a problem with me as your

stepmother is always so evil?

She's already a boy mom, and she could be a girl mom, too.

Wow, she could be a woman mom.

You could be the mom mom who stepped up.

Would you be the mom who stepped up for me?

I would.

Marina, I would.

Have you not seen the work I've done on Bluetooth?

Okay, what?

The man is Pikov.

He truly, you know, he's less awful than he was.

And I can do the same for you.

From a boy mom to a girl's girl to a girl mom.

Full circle.

Maybe after we stop this wedding, you can make an honest man out of Immerich.

Someone has to tie that man down.

Huh.

Interesting.

I will consider.

Great.

I feel like like a lot of times you make a proclamation, then you think it through, and then you are less certain.

Well, I just

feel like I lied so much about how much pussy Imrek was getting, and now I'm rooting for him to be getting so much pussy, and so then I don't want to tie him down.

Stop saying pussy.

Yes, up.

Really?

Well, no, it's just

my dad.

Right, okay, okay.

Just the image of him.

You were very graphic in describing

swimming,

diving, drowning.

Well, she was saying

that he doesn't get pussy.

So it should be

fine.

Should we like investigate more rooms?

Yes, let's go to the operating room.

That one sounds bad, huh?

I think we'll have the donkey masks on just in case there's anyone in there.

And I'm still invisible, right?

Okay.

Are you going to put the donkey mask on?

Yeah.

Great.

You go to the operating room, wearing the donkey mask.

You open the doors and you see, strapped to a series of blood-stained tables,

five donkey-headed villagers from the Jamboree.

Oh.

Nearby, a fly-headed mutant in a lab coat monitors enormous needles, which are slowly plunging glowing red substances into their bodies.

Sorry, wish we had the time.

We have other shit to do.

No, no.

Jen said it himself.

I slap Nyak.

How did you see me?

Muffled screams issue forth from their masks as their bodies begin to slowly transform.

The fly turns and looks at you and says, Oh, goody.

More experiments.

Hmm, Isaac was extra helpful this time.

Come in, come in.

I'll be with you soon enough.

Hee-haw here to help.

Yes.

I go up and I just try to stab him in the head.

I just walk two steps forward and just stab in the head.

Yes, take a seat over there.

Awesome.

Go ahead and roll initiative.

Great.

All right.

18.

Freaking 23.

Wow.

Okay.

14.

So you're all in this room now.

There's this single fly mutant who's very freaked out.

You see, strapped to this table are these five donkey-headed criminals.

There's this like glowing red substance oozing into them through these syringes.

And the fly just starts freaking out.

Sounds like, help!

Help!

Help!

They're trying to interrupt the process!

I'll hold them off.

Don't worry.

You're in trouble now.

Swat him.

And first to act is Jins.

Great.

I will attack twice.

One with the Sunsword and one with my offhand.

Okay.

16 and 15.

Both hit.

Okay, I'll do a Flourish with the Sunsword.

A defensive flourish.

Oh.

Okay, with the Flourish, 18 damage on the first hit.

Nice.

Whoa, okay.

And then offhand is just going to be a D6, which I rolled a one on, which will be seven damage total on that one.

So 25 damage.

25 damage.

Wow.

You slice into this fly.

They say, it's really hard to spot a fly.

Isn't it?

Not that hard to swat a fly.

They are on death's door.

Whoa.

Alright, kill him quick so he can't get any help.

Yeah.

Help you.

And that is going to bring us to Onyx.

Okay, I'm going to take out my new cell phone mall.

Nice.

Can I also,

as this dude's screaming for help,

can I do some kind of deception check to scream as if I'm one of the people that is being injected?

That's really good.

Oh, so smart.

That's really good, yes.

He

becomes a mutant!

Okay.

That's going to miss.

That's a 10 to hit.

Okay, that misses.

Yeah, sorry.

Hey.

I got a dirty 20 on a deception.

Okay, you missed.

Jins, you scream loudly to cover.

You don't hear anyone coming to investigate.

So they have one HP left.

This fly.

His name is Josefina.

And that is going to bring us to Nyack.

If they have one HP left, I think I might just roll up a newspaper and try to swat

Josephina on the head.

No, not the newspaper.

I'll Zephyr strike to give myself advantage on this attack.

That is a 26.

Nyak, finish this fly.

I invisibly take out my bow and I spin the tiny little propeller on top of my hat since I'm still an eight-year-old

and shoot the fly through one of its many eyes.

I did not see that coming.

Oh, wow, this fly is hilarious.

Really good once you get to know me.

Really funny, really funny last words.

All right.

Let's run around and smash these vials as fast as possible to try to stop them from getting injected.

Okay.

So you run around, you smash these vials.

You see this like glowing red substance like lands on the floor and kind of sizzles a little bit.

You undo the manacles on these donkey head criminals.

And do you want to take their masks off?

Yeah.

Udo, you in there?

I start popping masks on.

Yeah, it's me.

Hey!

Are you guys about to turn into mutants?

How much of that red gunk got in your veins?

How much gunk got you, Udo?

How much gunk did you have?

For a little bit, but the transformation is incomplete.

I think

he pulls off his masks, and you see that his head now perfectly resembles the donkey underneath.

You look great.

Thanks.

Yeah, dude.

I feel like I have more power, but my mind is intact.

Oh, you know what?

That's a glow-up.

This could be good.

Yeah,

okay.

Do you have any donkey abilities?

Here, kick me as hard as you can.

Kick Nayak.

Yeah, kick Nyak.

Okay, let me let me give it a go.

Oh!

Yeah, he bucks back and kicks you.

It hits you square in the chest.

You fly against the wall.

Yeah, you fly against the wall and like land in a bunch of other barrels full of body parts.

He's strong.

Oh, he's strong.

Do you do you feel like the abbot has a sort of tether on you?

Like a tether on you, like a control of you.

No, I feel like if the process had gone all the way through, I could feel the serum controlling my mind.

But since it was stopped, it seems like the transformation only partially took effect.

Alright,

we can fight.

I think maybe if we stop the abbot, we can find a way to undo this transformation.

But for now, for now, Udo poses, I shall become the Donk Knight.

And gestures to the others.

And they shall be my menagerie.

Whoa.

We shall fight alongside you.

Udo, I knew you were cool since you said all will not be well.

Hee-haw.

Let's punch his jaw.

Yeah.

Maybe you guys are the donk keys to victory.

That's good.

That's good.

High-five.

He high-fives you with his hoof.

Careful with that thing.

You, again, you look great.

Jens keeps wincing.

All right.

All right.

We got a a little team here.

Yeah, let's unstrap everybody.

Okay, okay, everybody together here.

And then we have to go into...

We've got to look in the morgue.

Oh, yeah.

Jesus.

Oh, yeah.

We still have to find Esmeralda.

Oh.

Have you seen...

Did you see anyone else when you came in here?

Yeah, we are looking for a wizard's apprentice.

No,

we were brought in.

We were wearing our masks, so my vision was a little restricted, but I did see...

The abbot came from downstairs and then he came up.

So I saw that the lobster guy bringing that weird pale lady from upstairs and the abbot met her coming from downstairs.

Does the lady that is sort of the Franken lady, does she look like the woman that we just met in the mirror?

Parts of her do, but parts of her look different.

Okay, okay.

Got you.

Let's just pop in the morgue real quick, because we're all curious, right?

We're gonna do a breeze by at the morgue.

Everyone, donkey masks back on.

Okay.

All right.

And let's walk down the hall.

Pluto, you might might be good.

Do you want us to chill here?

Yeah, you guys can chill here.

We're gonna have a code word for you guys to come out.

Yeah, it's going to be somewhat sexy, somewhat sexy, somewhat sexy.

I'm gonna write that down.

What was kind of sexy for?

Kind of sexy is for Nyack

to pop out, so we don't need that anymore.

Erasing kind of sexy, yeah.

Kind of sexy is retired.

Uh, Niak is out of invisibility because he attacked.

That's right.

Um, so yeah, you see the other uh members of the menagerie all pull off their masks, and they all also look like buff donkeys.

Okay, um, they look like a buff donkey squad whoa buff donkey squad donkey goals teenage mutant ninja who teenage mutant ninja mules there you go teenage mule tents mule tents there we go mule tents we got we got there all right so you're gonna investigate uh the morgue real quick yeah great so you go into the morgue

and the first thing you notice is the stench

Wow, all these rooms smelled, but this one's really bad.

It's so bad.

This room is littered with leftover body parts, barrels and barrels and trays of body parts.

Seems like everything left over from creating the corpse bride has been placed here.

There's a window open to lessen the stench, and outside you hear the cawing of ravens once more.

All right, well, let's just the body parts room.

Yeah, let's collect some

body parts.

Let's Nyak collect some body parts into a barrel.

We'll put the donkey masks on and we'll make our way downstairs.

Um, yeah.

Does everyone want to to help me collect some feet?

I'll help.

I have some Magend

to pick up some body parts.

Mac holds the barrel so far from his face.

I will see you.

Oh, my Meijand is so inaccurate.

I keep accidentally trying to

right off the backboard.

Why?

It just lets plops as you try to put them in the barrel.

Yeah, my Meijand is practicing its three-pointers with body parts.

Not from beyond the ark.

Is there a path to the downstairs from this east east corridor, or do we have to go back in the main room?

You'll have to go in the main room, and you'll have to walk past the abbot.

All right.

Well,

let's do that.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Okay.

I'm going to put some body parts on top, but in the barrel, I'm going to put the alchemist fire.

Oh.

Oh!

Oh!

And then we'll just show that shit and just throw a fireball at it.

All right.

So you're going to put all three in one barrel?

You have three barrels.

Oh, let's have three barrels.

Okay.

Great.

So each of us is going to carry a barrel.

All right.

Each barrel has alchemist fire in it.

Jesus Christ.

I will give Marina the fireball spell scroll.

When we walk past the abbot, if the abbot lets us with a deception check go down, we'll get Esmeralda.

We're all good.

If tries to start a fight or calls us out, I'll throw it down the middle aisle.

Onyx will throw it down the left.

And

Nayak will throw it down the right.

And then Marina will shoot a fireball at the one in the middle.

And hopefully we'll just start burning this place down.

Okay, perfect.

Wedding crashers.

Okay, so you walk out.

What are you saying as you walk out?

Did you see if they were talking when you saw them walking?

Oh, no, they were, I think, heads hung.

They looked dejected.

Okay, we're going to be heads hung, look dejected.

Okay, so you walk out carrying these barrels,

and you see the abbot looks up and says, I'm terribly sorry, friends, but I have more than enough material here.

Also, have you finished changing for the party?

Usually, the process takes a bit longer.

Hee-haw.

The bug said that there was only room for however, and I say the number of however many boards there were, of however many people.

And to try to help out, hee haw, I broke the law.

I see.

Yes, the bug doctor said, Go

bring these extra parts downstairs, and I will get to you when one of the boards frees up.

Downstairs, No, no, no.

They cannot go downstairs.

Sudden was insistent.

He was riding my ass.

And I point to the donkey head.

It's a pun.

Yeah.

Hee-haw, we're all village drunks, so we don't know exactly what they said.

Hee-haw.

Yeah, we were still drunk.

We got in trouble for being drunk.

Yeah.

Yeah.

That was the public drunkenness was our crime.

Hee-haw.

I also did croaking.

This seems like a lot of excess information for someone who has been renewed and reborn via the zoominoid process.

Forgive my suspicion, but please remove your masks.

Okay, I take off my head and I am the morning lord.

That's right, you're about to meet God, bitch.

And then I throw the

one barrel down the middle of the aisle and I signal to you guys to do the same.

I throw mine to the left.

I chuck mine to the right.

Holy shit!

Marina Fireball!

Nick's burning this fucker down!

Pretty sexy!

Someone sexy!

Stop that sexy!

I saw!

So sexy!

We yell every iteration of sexy.

You throw these barrels in each direction.

Marina blasts the fireball scroll.

Crows crash through the windows.

Udo and the donk squad burst through the door.

The abbot looks so confused.

I am the morning lord.

The sunlight listens to me.

And that is where we'll end our sessions.

Yes, dude.

It had to happen like that.

Oh, my fucking God.

It had to happen like that.

Yes, dude.

It's,

I, you know, you, you plan.

You plan for weeks and weeks, and then they literally blow it up.

This is amazing.

I cannot wait to talk about this and theorize more.

Oh, my God.

I'm so excited to see what happens.

Holy shit.

Me too.

We really blew it up.

First of all, thank you so much bearing with my voice today.

I hope it's been not too bad.

It's been a pleasure playing with you.

We're going to be talking about this on the short rest, about the fallout for this episode on the short rest, which is at patreon.com slash nadpod n-ad-d-p-od.

Don't sing yet.

You maniacs.

Finally, I get to say it.

Yeah.

And we got some stuff to plug.

We've got a Dimension 20 Live show coming up November 1st in Las Vegas.

We're doing Starstruck.

Check out Dimension 20 live to get tickets.

Come see us.

Merv might wear Jankos.

I might wear Jankos.

Whoa.

Wow.

Yeah.

I've got a couple of options.

What shirt with the Jankos?

I have a weird shirt that kind of looks like a figure skater shirt,

and I needed to buy a compression shirt for underneath it because my nipples were showing.

And I was like, this is too much.

Dude, you got to show the nipple bulge.

Yeah.

It's Vegas.

I have to go Batman on it.

I'll plug.

You know, there's a little web series that I've been enjoying recently called Day Job.

It's an Australian animated show about people working at a bowling alley, and it's really cute.

And I like it a lot.

So go get that to watch.

Please do.

And check out my sub stack: substack.com/slash at Jake Hurwitz.

Woo.

And you can follow us on social media that remain or may not use at chronic me at Calde's Caldwell, AddieXwords Emily, and at Jake vs.

Jake.

And you can talk about the show online using hashtag nadpod.

That's n-ad-d-p-o-d.

Who we are, we are the youth of the nation.

We are, we are, the youth of the nation.

Well, hello, folks.

It's the end of our show, which means it's time to shout out our benevolent Council of Elders.

And here they come now: Brad D, Jeffrey S., Lord of the Fjord, Later McSkater, Matt M, Cutter W, Jeff C, Daniel G, Danielle the Dastardly Dame, Carpe Liam, Victor T, aka Balmor's Boy, Hoyt's friend, Justin I, Danny Danster, TJM, Trele the Cray, Christopher B.

Damio, why is it so hard to say my last name, Rohi?

Did I do it right?

I don't know.

Jordan L, cyborg version of Josh the Cobalt, Targot, Stevie Wags, Hellish Rebuker, the NBDMPHD, Princess Yar, Jory S.

Jack L.

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Valen, Paj, the bitch and bunny, Bard, Druidic Peyton, Carlin C, Omri M, Noah, the gentleman fister, hashtag honor the cock, James G, everything bago, the eladron who just wants to hang out with his pet badger, Stripey, Reverend Shatterbones,

Han, Eric B, Marcos, Ph.D.,

eventually, Learns the Balance Druid, Frida M, Maggie, Holly the Green, haha, laughing hyena, Grimwaller, executive chef of Bohumia, Aaron B, Russell H, a monk named Dilgo, yes the whole thing, ha ha, yes, every time.

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Calgo Truckin',

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James F, Wayfarer, now has to do something with those trolls.

To get rid of them, turn to page 42.

To keep them, haha, turn to page 69.

Oreo, Barpo Goodbarrel, Bar Barian.

Charlie Brown's best friend.

Renee the Monster Captain.

Olivia the Enchanting Bard and Jared the Soap Opera Cleric, who recently found out that, like moonshine, they're dangerously fertile.

Whoa.

Blue Ash, Fico, Garrett the Artificer, Anthony the Raddest of Dudes, J.

K.

Guard, Fancy Matt.

The fairies have returned to debauchery and must now go to the Carnal Corner.

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Let's do some kublaquaine and get nasty.

Alright.

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Death to tyrants.

Yeah, agree.

Pa Poscades, Mime Oscades, Megan N.

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Anthony B., Belnor's best friend Steve, Stephanie of House in Zunza, Benjamin A.

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blew through,

Kelsey A, Ethan the Mailman, Mabel the Shy Bookworm, Nick AJ, Ashosaurus, Seth the Stroker, Bearer of all hog-related burdens, Billy Batson, Tori the tungsten dragoose, accidental sharer of recipes.

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II, Carl B., Plumber of the Realm.

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Thin Diagram.

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Ra!

I want to suck your flies, blub.

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Hi Mom.

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But hey, you're doing great, and we love you.

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My favorite patron makes me say penis on my show.

Yeah.

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Buttwax.

Thomas C.

Dark Lotus Creations Joshua H Jacob M Louis H and AJ Dinko Woohoo

that is all of our elders thank you so so much for your support if you would like to join this illustrious council you can do so by going to patreon.com slash nadpod that is gonna do it for us today but we will catch you here again next week thank you so much i hope that you get a great night's sleep i mean it eight hours or more you deserve it see you later bye-bye

That was a hit gun podcast.

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