Ep 281: David Tennant

James, huge news from the world of off-menu and indeed the world of the world.

Yes.

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I have.

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The show will be on Monday, the 16th of March.

It's going to be a tasting menu, a returning guest coming back, receiving the menu of another previous guest.

Those shows have been a lot of fun.

We cannot wait to do them live.

Who will we pull out of our little magic bag?

You'll have to come along on the 16th of March to find out.

If I'm correct in thinking, presale tickets go on pre-sale on the 10th of September.

Pre-sale tickets are 10th of September at 10 a.m.

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So if you miss out on the pre-sale, don't forget general sale is only two days later.

The day in between is for reflecting.

Get your tickets from royalalberthall.com Hall.com or offmenupodcast.co.uk.

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Welcome to the Off-Menu Podcast, taking the chicken breast of friendship, stuffing it with the garlic butter of humor and breading it with the breadcrumbs of the internet.

Then we pop it in the oven of Plosive Productions and let the butter all drain out so you've got a big empty chicken breast, Joe Wilkinson style.

Nice little shout out for Plosive Productions.

Yeah, baby.

During that.

It doesn't often happen.

No.

That is Ed Gamble.

My name is James A.

Caster.

Together, with the help of Plosive Productions, we own a dream restaurant.

And every single week, we're inviting a guest to announce in their favourite Everstar main course dessert, cider, shan, drink, not in that order.

And this week, our guest is David Tennant.

A global treas.

A global treasure.

I mean, one of the few doctors throughout history.

I thought you were commenting on the state of the NHS.

No, no, no.

This is not the podcast for that.

Nish would sue us.

Oh, absolutely.

Take us to court.

Very excited to have you.

Third doctor we've had on the pod?

Third?

Yeah.

Second?

No.

Are you thinking of doctors generally?

Doctor

Maggie Adam and Pocock, yeah.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Definitely counts.

She would be a good doctor.

A doctor

as well.

Brilliant.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Doctor.

Yes.

On Doctor Who.

Yeah.

Make it happen, people.

Fourth, then, if you're going to say that.

Huh?

Cox.

Professor.

Professor Who.

Professor Who?

I'd watch that.

I'd watch Professor Who.

What a great spin-off.

I just assumed he had every title.

Oh, yeah.

Yeah, when you get to Professor, does that mean like

you're still a doctor?

Yeah.

You can do whatever a doctor does, surely.

Still do those things.

He is a doctor.

Yeah, he is a doctor.

He is a doctor.

We've had four doctors on.

This is the fourth doctor.

And I'm sure we've had a few people on with honorary doctorates from places as well.

Yeah, maybe.

Maybe we should look into it.

I mean, I'm sure our devoted listeners can

pick us up on this and tell us about it.

Well, David, we are very excited to have him on.

He is the second doctor from the Doctor Who franchise in history that we have had on.

Yes, but he's been in so much,

so many iconic roles over the years.

We're very excited to have him on.

And also, he has a podcast called David Tennant, does a podcast with,

which is back after four years, available on all major podcast platforms.

The first two series of David's Pod were hugely popular.

Listeners could expect the same intimate chatter that they have come to know and love.

You're doing it like an advertiser.

I love it.

He's got so many great guests coming up.

Stanley Tucci, Jamila Jamil, Ben Schwartz, Russell T.

Davis.

And there's an episode where his wife interviews him.

Georgia.

Georgia.

Interviews him, which is very exciting.

And as we, what?

Benito's written a bit here.

Yes.

He wants us to do as the outro.

Yes.

So we won't spoil that for you, but just so you know.

Yeah.

Stick around.

I can't wait to say that later.

Yeah.

If an interview with one of Britain's greatest actors is not enough to make you stick around, James and I in the outro will be talking more about David's podcast without him here.

And speaking of not having David here, if David has, if David says, yes, and has a secret ingredient, if he has upon his person a secret ingredient, which we deem to be unacceptable, we will kick him out of the dream restaurant.

And this week, the secret ingredient we've pre-agreed upon is

tenants.

Tenants, a pint of tenants.

A pint of tenants, a can.

Scottish lager.

Yeah, if he chooses it, and this is just because it's his surname, by the way.

I don't know if he is going to pick it.

Very unlikely.

Yeah.

I'd be curious to know what his relationship with tenants is.

If you just don't drink it, if your surname is tenants, you're like, I can't be bothered with that.

Well, I hope you remember to ask that.

I'll try and remember.

I've got a lot in my head that I want to ask him.

Yeah, of course.

Because

when we have actors on, these are the ones that you look forward to the most.

Because your version of interviewing an actor is saying things they've done at them.

I wouldn't

speak so soon.

I'm

who knows what I'm gonna say.

Are you gonna keep your powder dry?

I might keep my powder dry.

We'll see how dry my powder is at the end of this.

You are the wettest powder I've ever met.

There's a lot of stuff I had planned.

But well, we'll see.

We'll see how dry I keep my powder.

This is the off-menu menu of David Tennessee.

Welcome, David, to the Dream Restaurant.

Thank you very much.

It's lovely to be here.

Welcome, David Tennants to the Dream Restaurant.

We've been expecting you for some time.

Thank you very much.

I appreciate the sound effects.

Thank you.

Yeah, thank you, David.

It's good sound effects listening.

James is a genie, so I'm sure you knew that from the

which is what the lamp's all about, right?

Well, there you go, exactly.

Yeah, yeah, exactly.

A pretty good lamp, would you say?

You've been in many theatre productions.

I've never been in a production of Aladdin, if that's what you're getting.

But it's a good bit of scenery, right?

It would be fine from a distance.

Yeah.

I'm a bit close to it.

It's not really giving me metal.

Yeah,

it's giving me one single-use plastic is what it's giving me.

Yeah, yeah.

Well,

we're getting a lot of use out of it, though.

So it's more than single.

Yeah, we don't have a new one for every episode.

That would be very wasteful.

Yeah, but I guess

is a use being looked at?

Because that's really all it's been used for.

We've used it multiple times.

It's just sat there and people have looked at it.

I suppose in an audio format, we could just be imagining it as well.

Yeah, that's true.

That's true.

This is terribly wasteful.

It's really wasteful completely.

I mean, he bought it in one day, and by he, I mean Benito.

Yeah.

And we were a bit like, I mean, we thought that doing a podcast meant we didn't have to do stuff like this.

Yeah.

And buy physically of it.

It's prop free.

But there you go.

Front row of a theatre, you're not believing that, are you?

No, but about four rows back, it's fine.

Yeah.

Have you ever been in a play or seen a play where there is a proper bit of scenery or something where it is particularly not convincing and you've had to either suspend your disbelief as an audience member or as an actor really really try and convince people

the problem as from an acting point of view is when props don't quite uh deliver on the function they're supposed to do and you're having to actually spend more time working around the prop so that it can be convincing to the audience that's when a prop is least functional I would say right yeah those and that happens quite a lot because you know

I mean this lamp would be does it have a oh it's got oh look it's got

it's got an engine in the work with this this yeah I know I've slagged it off but actually I'm fine with this as a prop goes this is giving me all I need at least it opens up

you'd have to slightly you'd have to slightly fake the weight yeah of course yeah because it's I think the word is flimsy, but I could, you know, it wouldn't take too much to sell that to an audience, I'd say.

You've been Hamlet, right?

You've done Hamlet.

I've done Hamlet.

There's no genie's lamps in Hamlet.

But you've got skulls you got a hold of the skull yeah how heavy how heavy were that we had a real skull what wow yeah we had the skull of a real human a guy called andrei tchaikovsky who was a uh a classical musician who had left his skull to the royal shakespeare company i remember

yeah in uh production of hamlet so i did not have to fake any weight there i was holding andre he was yorick yeah wow the first time you had to do that yeah you had to pick it up in rehearsal yeah did you just go straight in yep fine or were you like i don't know if i I would have.

Oh, I was really, really thrilled about it.

Not in a macabre way, because that's what it's about.

That moment in the play is about connecting with mortality.

Yeah.

So if you're actually lifting, there's no acting involved.

You're looking into the eyes of a human who once walked the earth.

There's something very powerful about that.

Could you see yourself leaving any of your bones to theatre?

Very happily appear again in a production of Hamlet, playing a different part.

Yeah.

I think that would be something glorious about that.

Yeah.

It'd be awful if you left your skull to the Royal Shakespeare Company and it was the understudy skull.

Oh yeah.

Yeah.

That would be embarrassing, wouldn't it?

To be honest, I don't think you can do it anymore.

Andre had done it.

I'd left it and it had gone through all the various, there's a lot of hoops to jump through for various governmental organizations who perhaps frown on the idea of body parts being left to

anything really other than cremation.

So I think the laws have now changed changed that Andre's probably the last person who's going to be able to have done that.

But his skull is still there.

He can be used in future productions of Hamlet.

Well done, Andre.

Yeah.

Or does it have to be Hamlet?

If I wrote a new play and I just wanted there to be a skull in it, could I get Andre's skull?

That is an excellent question to which I do not know the answer.

I don't know how specific his will was.

And I don't know whether the specifics of that have any kind of legal ramifications.

So I can't give you the answer, but I'd like to be able to.

What's the Janet and Alan Orlberg book about the skeletons?

Yeah, yeah.

The lazy bones is it?

Yeah.

What are they called?

Lazy Bones maybe.

They're the ones who are the skeletons.

They live in a dark, dark house.

Yeah.

On the dark, dark street.

Okay.

Those guys, and they're a family of skeletons.

Maybe Andre could be in a live production of that.

I see no reason why not.

Although I'm not in charge.

So there's a lot of skeletons.

That's why we've got kids today, David.

We've written the production of Lazy Bones.

I think the problem there is that there's a lot of skeletons in that.

That's true.

So if I knew one of them has a real skull, even more difficult.

The Royal Shakespeare Company does own other skulls.

Oh, great.

From historical productions.

Brilliant.

Get that.

David Garrick's skull, I think.

Not David Garrick himself.

The skull David Garrick used is also in their collection.

Because I used it at the dress rehearsal because Andre hadn't quite had all his boxes ticked by the various authorities.

So in the dress rehearsal, I used the old skull that

came from the store.

And I dropped it and a bit fell off.

Oh, wow.

Let's talk a bit about your podcast.

David Tennant does a podcast with

the guest's name.

The guest's name name pops up.

We've got a list of closed guests.

Look at some of these guests.

They're pretty great, but obviously my favourite is the final one because there's a typo.

Whippy Goldberg, Olivia Coleman, John Hamm, Michael Sheen, Servian McKellen, Jody Whitaker, Dan Levy, Dame Judy Dench, and Billy Pipe.

Billy Pipe, yeah.

Yeah.

Billy Pipe wasn't free, but Billy Pipe was excellent.

Billy Pipe.

Billy Pipe the plumber.

Yeah.

Wonderful plumber.

Oh, Billy Pipe.

I mean, look, there's some sort of professional jealousy here because we've never had any of these people.

No, no, not a single one.

We've not had any of them.

I've talked to.

All right, okay.

I've been in a room with one of them.

Right, okay.

Which one?

Sheen.

Sheen.

Has sheen not done this?

Sheen's not done this.

Sheen's not done this.

I've talked to Sheen on the movie show.

The movie panel show.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

Whoopi Goldberg walked past me once.

We had Steve-O from Jackass on, and everyone said he sounded like Whoopi Goldberg.

Yeah.

Interesting.

So a little bit of crossover there, but

that's the closest we've come this year.

What can people expect from the new series?

It's very exciting.

We've got Stanley Touchie, who I think you've had here.

We've had the Tooch.

Yeah, we've had the Tooch.

Yeah.

Jim and Le Jamil, we've got Russell T.

Davis.

Fantastic.

And also, I get interviewed by my wife.

We've done that.

We've done the switcheroo.

That's good.

Yeah.

Yeah.

You should get your wife on the pocket.

He's got a wife.

Yeah, I've got a wife.

Thank you, mate.

She is.

Yeah.

Has she ever interviewed you?

No, she's not interviewed me.

We've done some sort of podcast together where we've been interviewed at the same time, but I find it very vulnerable and exposing.

Because she's there.

She's there.

She knows everything.

You said really nice things on that podcast.

Which one?

The one where it was You'll Do.

Yeah.

Yeah.

You said lovely things.

You said nice things, yeah, because, you know, it was very nice to see that side pinching you really hard.

But ever hear that, that background feeling is always

she can make me look like like a total Wally right now.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Well, being interviewed by Georgia was a little bit nerve-wracking because I didn't have any idea where she was going to go with that.

And she'd really gone, she'd done some research.

She discovered things about me that she didn't know as well.

That was cool.

Oh, really?

Yeah.

Which I think she was both thrilled with and a little bit alarmed that there were some quite major pieces of biographical detail that she was unaware of.

That's great.

Oh, well, we definitely got to get your wife on now.

Okay.

If she can find out stuff that she didn't even know.

All right.

Well, I said, my wife can come on if your dad comes on.

Never going to have one.

I'd sooner have his skull on it.

Well, if you keep doing this for longer, it will become an opportunity.

As soon as my dad will donate his skull to podcast in Donita,

put that in the lap.

Contact him and ask him if he would do that.

Are you much of a foodie, David?

Do you like food?

I do like food.

I mean, it's certainly something that I indulge in fairly regularly.

Yeah.

I do.

Yeah, I do.

I like it and I get very excited by it.

Yes.

I wouldn't claim to be an expert.

I think that's fine.

I think we like people here who are passionate about food and they're excited by food, like you say.

But

we don't need someone to be an expert at all.

Yeah.

Well, it's, you know, it's exciting and it's exciting to go to, you know, if now and again you get to go to one of those restaurants everyone talks about.

That can be very thrilling.

And then also slightly sort of, what is that it?

Yeah.

It's food.

Yeah.

A bit of foam.

What does that give you?

Oh, yeah.

The phone.

That's the one that gets most people's people's backs up.

Yeah.

You'd think they would have come up with a different term for it so that we don't get so annoyed.

Yeah.

Because they know how expensive it is.

Espoomer.

I hear a lot.

Espoomer.

A spoomer.

Espooma.

That sounds biological.

Yeah, it does.

So that's that's foam as well, essentially.

Sounds like something.

Sounds very unfortunate.

Do you prefer foam to a spoon?

Smooth foam to a spoomer.

Yeah.

Jesus Christ.

That's

a jizz.

Sometimes it sounds like an ejaculate.

Yes, yeah, yeah.

You'd prefer they said jizz.

Just say jizz.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

This spoomer of heron.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Oh, God.

Sarah and jizz.

Yeah.

I nearly bumped into a heron once.

Did you?

Walking along a canal.

I was on my phone, like we all are.

God.

That's all they said of a canal you should.

That's the last time they're getting of an episode of casualty.

Well, it nearly was.

I looked up and the heron was like, I nearly walked into this heron.

It was so bolted.

It was like in Manchester.

And clearly, like, you know, with tough heron doesn't really give a fuck human.

You don't give a fuck.

Yeah.

Especially Manchester Herons.

Sure.

You know?

Yeah.

And he walked into it.

Then he walked into it.

What would have if I hadn't looked up in time because that heron wasn't going to move.

And you just had to swerve around it.

And I said,

what did it say?

Well, yeah, it's a fucking dynamic.

He said, I love you.

This is my time.

Carry on, ain't mate.

Carry on.

He's no good at voices.

We had a heron in our back garden for a while.

I mean, for a while, for like an hour or so.

It just landed in our back garden.

Yeah.

And we went, fucking heron in our back garden.

They're big things, yeah, yeah, and quite intimidating.

What was it doing?

Have you got a pond or anything there?

Nope, nope, it was just stoating around.

Just, I don't know, it got diverted, yeah, and it landed for a bit, and it just was like, This is where I live now.

And we did, none of us would venture out to go close to it.

Maybe it was a paparazzi in disguise.

Think about that, camping out in your garden.

Yeah, it could have been a pap.

The disguise really

different colour on it, hasn't it?

Yeah, the tabloids have really gone crazy now.

Yeah.

They're dressing the paparazzi up as herons.

Oh, God.

Walking around the garden, can't believe it.

They're just all looking at me through the window.

This is perfect.

This is the best idea we've ever had.

Let's get into your menu.

We always start with still sparkling water, David.

Still.

Yeah.

I don't understand the point of sparkling water.

Sure.

I don't get the.

You know, not something I encountered as a child.

So now when I have a fizzy liquid in my mouth, I'm wanting it to taste like some sort of fizzy pop.

And if it doesn't, it just feels like something's gone wrong with it.

I don't enjoy the sensation for the sensation's sake.

I completely relate to that.

I think you're right.

I am right.

Categorically.

Definitively correct.

Do you have a favorite fizzy pop?

And I'm setting you up here to be destroyed by your countrymen if you say the wrong answer here.

Yeah.

Well,

I don't mind a bit of Iron Brew, which I think is where you're going.

Yeah.

But I do like a bit of Dr.

Pepper.

Yeah.

I think I would probably, if I had to land on one, I'd land on Dr.

Pepper.

And that is also like a soft drink that people can't really pin down what it is, what flavor it is.

No.

It's in the same camp.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

Yeah, they're similar.

I love a Dr.

Pepper because no one's really having a daily Dr.

Pepper, are they?

It's something you remember exists when you're in a shop and you're like, I've not had Dr.

Pepper for ages.

I suppose, yeah, I suppose.

And then it's a treat.

Some people really loathe it.

You get quite violent reactions.

Some people react to Dr.

Pepper in the way I react to dandelion and burdock

or parma violets.

Things that should not be put in a human's mouth.

Yeah, I hate palma violets so much.

Disgusting.

My kids love them.

Really?

What is that about?

Where have they got that from?

Your kid's 90.

Yeah.

No,

it's like they've rediscovered them.

It's for a new generation.

Is it big on TikTok?

A palm of the big on TikTok, maybe?

Quite possibly.

Yeah.

Could be someone popping palm of voice on TikTok.

They're absolutely disgusting.

They're horrible.

Like little slivers of soap.

Yeah, yeah.

I remember getting some free, the first time I had them were free with the bino.

Oh yeah, they always get in the way with the bino.

Free with the bino.

Yeah, the bino would have like sweet.

You still tape to the front.

Yeah, so like, you know, but I was lulled in because like, you know, I was having stuff like refreshers

on the front of the bino.

Wambas.

Yeah, wham bars.

It was brilliant.

Palm of Islands.

Oh, what's this one?

This one looks

the ones with the little fizzy bits inside.

Yeah.

Lost the tooth in a wham bar.

Yeah, Yeah, great.

Did you, really?

Yeah, yeah.

I didn't know.

I swallowed it because I thought it was one of those bits.

Swallowed the tooth.

Yeah, swallowed the tooth.

Didn't realise until later.

And did you have to make sure the tooth came out the other side?

Or did you just?

No, I didn't, actually.

It didn't even occur to me at that age.

And luckily, I didn't have parents who told me to.

If you want that from the tooth fairy, you're going to have to sift through your own feces.

So you just missed the tooth fairy?

I think...

Well, you looked in the toilet one day and there was a quid in there.

Yeah, yeah.

A tooth fairy doesn't mind getting dirty, you know.

Little shitty handprints all over there.

toilet seat.

You can get a quid, but you do have to go through your own shit.

I think

I'd probably get the quid later.

Yeah, I think so.

Yeah, I think

you're at least washing it, aren't you?

You're not pushing it straight under the pillow.

Oh, I hope not.

Buy 10 WAM bars with that.

Yeah.

And then you lose another 10 teeth.

I mean,

this is a money-making scheme.

I don't mind sifting through my shit.

By the end of it, I'm a millionaire, I think.

Do you want anything in your still water?

You want some ice?

You want some.

I can take ice.

Yeah.

No, no, I don't need a slice in that.

I'll have a slice in my Dr.

Pepper, thank you.

A slice in the Dr.

Pepper?

I've not...

I don't think I've heard of that before.

That's crazy.

There's so much going on in that Dr.

Pepper.

It's so busy, and you've added a slice to it.

Obviously, we're so used to getting, you know, a Coke or a Diet of Coke in a restaurant that they're popping a slice in, but no one's serving Dr.

Pepper in restaurants.

Sure.

A slice.

They do in America sometimes.

Do they?

Yeah, yeah.

You can find a Dr.

Pepper, you know, on the same, in the same list as your Sprite Coca-Cola Doctor.

They're popping a slice in that.

I think they probably do, although now you're questioning it.

I'm wondering wondering if I've made that up.

He's in your head.

Yeah.

He's going to get in your head.

I'll warn you now.

Those early days, but he's going to get in your head, this guy.

Okay.

No, I think water just,

it's there to be water, isn't it?

And yeah, you can cool it down with some ice.

Otherwise, you can leave it alone.

Thank you.

But do you want some Dr.

Pepper on tap as well?

I mean, Dr.

Pepper on tap would be a lovely thing in life, wouldn't it?

We could have that.

Is Dr.

Pepper the thing, if you had an extra tap at home and one thing could come out of it, is Dr.

Pepper the thing you'd want on tap all day as well as water obviously we get we still give you the water tap cold water hot water third tap gin and tonic you have a genotonic tap sure yeah perfectly mixed a perfectly mixed gen and tonic that'd be lovely yeah yeah pop dumps on bread pop numbs on bread david tenant pop dumps off bread uh bread bread because there are there's a variety of options there yeah a popped oh i've never really got a poppadome I don't really know.

It's sort of a crisp, isn't it?

Big crisp.

Big crisp.

It's like a big crisp.

I don't particularly enjoy the things it comes with.

I mean, they're all right, but listen, now and again, I'll have a pop-a-dom and I'll pile all the little bits of stuff on and I'll do that.

But bread, I'm never going to turn down.

And there are such a variety of breads available.

There's only, you mean, you get poppadoms or you don't.

It's quite binary.

Well, there's popadoms, there are spicy poppadoms, I guess.

We've been educated in, yeah, during this podcast, but I mean, Jamie Oliver was on the pod and brought in a variety of poppadoms.

He brought in poppadoms.

Yeah, loads of different ones.

Yesterday, actually, I went for a meal at an Indian restaurant and they just bought out a basket.

It was loads of different popadums.

Okay.

And it was fantastic.

But normally, when you think of popadums, you think of

there's such a wide variety of things I might expect.

Yeah.

And a slightly warmed bread with some lashings of butter just melting in the middle.

Ah, come on.

Yeah.

What sort of bread is your absolute dream bread?

I don't want to be limited.

You want all bread?

I want all the breads.

We haven't had anyone do all the bread.

We've not had someone exploit the all the breads all the time.

I want all the breads all the time.

Yeah.

I do like something maybe that's quite like either a roll or a sort of cross-section from a baguette

that you can open, that's warm, you can open it, you can put some butter in that, you can seal it back up and let it just cook away, and then you pull it apart, it oozes slightly.

That's all pretty great.

How about this?

If you want all the breads all the time,

how about you have bread that can regenerate into a different, into a new type of bread, like the doctor?

Like magic bread.

Like the doctor does.

Let's have magic bread, is what you're saying.

Yeah, like the doctor.

Yeah.

So like it can change into the next type of bread.

But you eat the bread.

Yeah, yeah, and then when does the regeneration

appear again

in your bread basket?

Yeah.

For me, that would feel like I wasn't getting anywhere, you know?

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

You eat the bread and then it regenerates.

But it feels like it's a bread.

It regenerates a different one.

Yeah.

I mean, one of the things.

Like the doctor, I know what you're saying.

One of them will come back very briefly.

Yeah.

I think there are other things that could be more like the doctor.

I think at one point, if you're looking looking for a Doctor Who reference, I don't think this is your best work.

I think we can do better.

Well, believe me, there's no.

I'm just going to do it every course, and we'll leave the one in that workshop.

Okay, yeah, fine.

Yeah.

No, we'll leave that one.

That one's a good one.

We did this when we had Capaldi on as well.

It didn't work then either.

Right.

You can go the second doctor we've had on.

Second?

Yeah.

Capaldi.

Capaldi.

And then off.

That's it.

That's the end of it.

Yeah.

We'll see.

See if we manage to get any more, but like,

go to the second one.

I'll have it.

Who would you like to land next?

Gatwa.

Sure.

Yeah.

Whitaker?

Sure.

Smith?

Smith?

Yeah.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Any of them?

Any of them?

Yeah.

Because if you're working through now.

If there are any of us that are alive?

Yeah.

Of course there are.

Ecclestones.

If your doctor was a type of bread, what bread would the doctor be?

Stunning question.

Thank you.

Thank you, Chrissy.

That is an excellent question.

What would you do?

We got there in the end.

Oh, that's the sort of question you need a lot of preparation for.

I do not have an immediate answer for that.

We can come back to it at the end.

Let's come back to that at the end.

Okay.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Great.

I love it.

I might have to email my answer in the last couple weeks' time.

Yeah.

Consult with Russell T.

Davis and see what he's got.

Yeah, if we don't get to it, go and speak to Russell, then we will record your answer from the email and edit it into the episode.

Brilliant.

You do it in my voice, would you?

Yes, absolutely.

Thank you.

Met Russell T.

Davis?

Yes.

Has he been on the podcast?

No, no.

I met him after.

We were just at the same bar together.

He said he enjoyed my performance as Last Pinfield.

Right.

Let's get into your menu proper now.

All right, all right.

David, your dream starter.

Yeah.

I am going to go for Escargot.

I love a little plate of snails.

I love the plate because

where do you get them?

Where do they come from?

Oh, the little point.

I love the ceremony of it.

I mean, basically, it's just a vessel for eating garlic butter, isn't it?

Yes.

But I love the procedure.

I love the delivery, that odd little plate, the little tiny weird fork that you never see at any other time in life, and the schlucking them out.

Yeah, I love it.

Yeah, and you're only ever going to get that in a restaurant.

You're not going to make that at home, are you?

Well, why would you have the plate?

Why would you have the plate or the fork at home?

Because

that plate, so we're talking about this, it's often like sort of earthenware plate with like the recesses for the recesses for the shelves.

Yeah, what else are you going to use that?

I don't know.

Where would you buy one?

Have you ever been in a shop?

There must be.

I've seen an Escargot plate.

There must be like a snail shop or something.

I guess there must.

Snail shop?

Yeah.

Listen to what you're saying.

a specific snail shop there's loads of shops in london specifically for certain things right there must be a tiny little shop maybe you think there's a little snail shop in london somewhere yeah you can buy the snails you can buy the plate

i don't think there's a soul shop because that's not existing for very long no that's true but maybe it's a whole it might be a section of a shop yeah yeah little snail corner yeah

then it's not like if you if you get escargo from a variety of restaurants it's not like you get the same plate twice those plates feel quite bespoke each time.

Yeah.

If you had one at home, you're not using it for snails every day.

You're not eating snails every day.

No.

No.

Because also, I don't really know where they get the snails from.

I don't know.

Are they just going out into a back garden and hoofing them up or are they farming snails?

Yeah.

I've never looked into it.

I've never really quit when the snails arrive and I'm going through the protocols, which I enjoy so much.

I have to stop myself thinking about their genesis.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Doesn't really make sense.

I hope there's a farm.

I hope they're not just going out to a farm.

Do you breed snails?

It's got to be a small.

I mean, it sounds like a process that would take a long time.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Really a long time.

Come on.

Come on.

Whenever you're ready, we've got another order coming at the end of the day.

When you get colours, they've got a new one.

We've got like four left.

They don't seem interested in each other.

You never get many, though, do you?

When you buy them in a restaurant, you get maybe six.

Six, I think, is pretty much it.

Six is pretty standard.

Yeah.

But that process of, yeah, getting a little four.

Oh, I love it.

Getting them out and then pulling them out of the shell.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Some people, I think, would be very grossed out by that.

Some people are.

I've ordered them in restaurants with people who've been pretty grossed out by them.

Yeah.

And it's the swimming in the butter.

And then you get a little bit of bread on the side to dab it all up with.

It's because then you're dipping, there's butter in the little bits of the plate as well.

Yeah.

Exactly.

Yeah.

Those little grooves just contain all that goodness.

What a treat.

I mean, I've had snails before and I like them.

I'm not one of those people who get grossed out by them.

But you have made them sound delicious.

Good.

I don't think that anyone listening to this will be like, oh, God,

I think you might have converted some people

who are like, I want to try this now.

Oh, you definitely should try it.

I've probably got it.

The garlic butter is just so moresome, isn't it?

But the whole,

yeah.

But it wouldn't work without the snails.

Like, it's great.

But if you just got little bowls of garlic butter, that wouldn't be as good as getting the

snails.

You need the snails.

And it's the ceremony, it's the process.

Yeah.

And the texture is nice as well.

The texture's lovely.

Meaty.

Slightly meatier than a mushroom.

Meatier than a mushroom.

Yeah.

Meatier than a mushroom.

Less meaty than a steak.

There we go.

I think we're going to need to start doing their tagline.

Yeah, TV ads, the snails.

The snail board.

You know, when you see an advert and it's just for like, we did one for broccoli.

It wasn't for a particular company.

For just broccoli.

That was a weird day.

Yeah.

And you see an advert for milk.

You did an advert for broccoli.

Is that because it was tenderstem broccoli?

Yeah.

Which is a trademark.

See, we didn't know that going in.

We were very surprised.

Who knew that?

Yeah.

Yeah, that's very good of them.

That's when you know you've got a good product on your hands, that no one even knows that's a brand new thing.

But now I know that.

Yeah.

If you look at a packet in the supermarket, it's got a little trademark next to it, the word Tenderstem.

The truth is they're bringing the podcast world, aren't they?

Because we've just done one for our podcast as well.

Have you?

I think Tenderstem are moving into podcasting in a big way.

That's right.

It's pretty clever of them.

Yeah.

Yeah, because we're all talking about it.

Yeah, yeah, here we are.

We're all amazed.

Disgusting.

Why are we doing an advert for broccoli?

That's it.

Also, Kendrick Lamar did a song at the end of last year

and the first lines were woke up looking for the broccoli.

And everyone was talking about that online.

And there were memes and everything about that.

So I don't know if Tenderstem

got in there.

Obviously, he's not talking about actual broccoli in there.

He's talking about

weed.

Oh, Ivid.

Is he really?

Yes.

Thank you for helping me with that.

I don't think he's going to be able to do that.

Which I don't know if there's.

If weed dealers have a tenderstem variety of that.

You want it tender stem?

For a second, I thought you said, I don't know if weed dealers have it.

I thought it was a deal.

Weeders.

on a podcast I might have to talk to my fellow dealers about this

how would you feel if that was a very that D that weed dealers yeah

that D could have really changed things couldn't it I don't think there is a drug dealer in the world who would use the phrase we dealers

they're very much yeah wolves yeah we dealers in this job of ours I could maybe get away with being a weed dealer absolutely not I know I'd still like be illegal but like I feel I could get away with with like if i became a weed dealer yeah i don't think i could sell for like

yeah i don't think

you're average weed dealer on the streets just selling weed to people i think anyone would buy it from me but like i reckon like there's certain people in the world of show business who are like above me who would buy weed off me well because they'd see you as someone somehow safe yeah you could trust the yeah trust the product you're not gonna sell them out yeah yeah yeah yeah but i know that i'm not gonna be able to sell it to the average joe on the street they're not gonna look at me They're going to look at me and think I'm a nut.

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Let's get on to your dream main course,

David.

Yeah, well, at the risk of being a bit of a cliche, because I'm Scottish, I don't know if you know.

I would a lot of people don't.

No.

Well,

the amount of people who've said to me, I just realized David Tennant's Scottish.

I am.

I am fully Scottish.

Yeah.

That's the biggest compliment as an actor, where the public discover

who you actually are and go, what the hell?

Yeah, I suppose that is.

Yeah, I'll take that.

Yeah.

Pretty good.

But I am Scottish.

Yes.

And

I've always loved a bit Haggis.

I've always been a Haggis fan.

And it used to be very much, you'd have it once a year on Burns Night, and it came out of

a plastic bag.

And it was...

it was as the as it had been a sort of peasant kind of food from way back.

Now, if you go to, or particularly, I mean,

any sort of post restaurant in Scotland now will have haggis on the menu.

It's become a delicacy and it will be served in a variety of exciting ways.

Now, you'll get a haggis in a Scotch egg or you'll get a haggis in a whiskey cream sauce.

You'll get a haggis sort of drizzled on something else, a bit of a, you know, a cut of chicken with some haggis stuffed into it or in robing it.

You know, words like that are being used.

Haggis espuma.

Exactly.

Yeah, yeah.

The espuma of haggis is being spunked all over Scotland.

And I love all those dishes.

So I would have something like that, some sort of high-end haggis recreation.

There's a lot of things.

It turns out there's a lot of things you can do with it.

Yeah.

So something maybe in a, maybe in some sort of whiskey cream sauce because that has a kind of echo of the peasant food from which it came, something like that.

That would be my main dish.

Haggis is so good.

I mean, I

really, really got into Haggis in the last few years.

And you're right, you see it in so many different places.

Yeah.

Yeah.

I but I remember yeah having haggis for the first time at home.

My mum bought some haggis but it was like in that it comes really tightly packed in plastic and then you just you boil the whole thing for like 40 minutes or something.

Yeah.

The most fun you can have in food is then pricking the plastic.

It's fantastic.

It goes good.

You ever beat a burnt supper?

At a burnt supper, that's part of the

ceremony.

It gets brought out on a platter.

There's a there's a the the toast of the haggis which is which is has to be proclaimed to the room.

And then with a big old knife, at a certain point in the poem, you stab it and let the, let it all ooze out.

Oh, that's great.

Have you ever been the person, I mean, as a, as an actor, you must have been the person reading the poem on a burn.

I've never done toast of the haggis.

I've done other things at Burns Suppers, yes, but I've never done toast of a haggis.

What are the other roles that Burns Suppers?

Oh, God, I remember.

There's the Selkirk grace, which is some he meet but can't eat, some he meet that want it, but we he meet and we can eat.

So let the Lord be thank it.

That has to be said before the dinner begins.

There's the immortal memory where someone gets up and does a bit about Robert Burns.

There's the toast to the lassies where somebody gets up and talks about how great women are and then reply to the toast to the lassies.

Which is

which is basically, I think, has become in a slightly more modern times, uh a woman doing something back, basically, right?

Doing a speech back.

But I think, I think I'm right in in saying that's a fairly modern invention because it used to be that women weren't supposed to speak, obviously.

Of course.

And then what else would there be?

I think I'm probably forgetting something.

Toaster the Haggis, Silk of Grace.

And then there'll be a couple of people who will do recitations of Burns poems as well.

Yes.

Obviously.

Do you toast the Haggis or the Lassies first?

I think, oh, God.

I don't know if there's a strict protocol.

Okay.

Because if I'm a lassie and I'm sitting there,

they've just toasted the Haggis before me.

But you toast the Haggis before you eat.

Yeah.

So I think that probably is first.

I think you have to toast the haggis, split the haggis up, you have to take it back to the kitchen to be put onto plates.

Then there's the Selkirk Grace, then you eat.

And then all that.

And then during the kraken and whiskey, somebody is the speeches happen.

I think.

I'm struggling tremendously quite a long time.

I didn't know about any of that.

I knew about the toast of the haggis.

I was unaware of all the other business.

Yeah.

That's great.

If you were going to do your dream burns night,

who are the Scottish actors who are doing all of those different roles?

Oh, yeah.

Can I have Sean Connery doing something?

Absolutely.

He would probably be quite good doing the toast of the Haggis.

You want to see him wielding a blade.

Yeah, don't you?

Yeah.

I'd want Connolly probably doing The Immortal Memory because that's potentially the most boring bit.

Right.

So if you get someone who is funny just by opening their mouth,

I'd have him.

Silk of Grace is very short.

So I mean, you could have...

I don't know.

Who'd you fancy?

I'll do that.

I'll do that bit because it's quick.

It takes very little power.

Toast to the lassies.

I don't know.

Who would be good for that?

I'd quite like to see Brian Cox in there somewhere.

Yeah.

I think, probably.

That's probably going to be entertaining.

And then the reply.

I don't know.

Who would you want?

You'd want some...

God, I don't know.

Do you want to email the answer and we'll drop it in later?

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

It's a very good idea.

Can't wait for the email follow-up episode.

I've never been to a Burns Night and now I want to.

Yeah.

Want to very much.

It'd be great.

You could do a sort of live podcast version of one.

That would be good.

Yeah.

Are the English welcome at Burns Night?

Depends which Burns Night you go to.

It depends who the what compadres you're

sitting down.

That's the thing, really, because I imagine the best Burns nights would be the ones where English people aren't welcome.

Yeah.

That would be my instinct.

Or they're there as sort of collateral damage for the speeches.

Any Burns night that is like, yeah, you can copy if you're English.

I'll be like, that's probably shit.

Yeah.

That's probably posh English people who claim to be Scottish because they own somewhere in Scotland.

Yeah, maybe.

I grew up next to Corby.

Do you know Corby?

Not well.

I mean, I've heard of the Trouser Press.

Yeah.

Years and years, like decades, decades ago, Scottish people moved there.

And it's in the middle.

So now everyone who lives there has a strong Scottish accent and no one outside of there really does.

And it's quite a noise.

Oh, that's right.

Yeah, it's quite odd.

And so growing up, that was the rival town to Kettering was Corby.

Right.

And they absolutely terrified us.

Because of their accents.

Well, they used those to their advantage.

They didn't let them go to waste, David.

Yeah.

They'd

come into Kettering and announce themselves on a Friday night.

And you'd get someone running to the pub going like, the Corbarians are here.

Wow.

You'd all have to run and hide.

Corbarians, that's brilliant.

And was there sort of fights and stuff?

Oh, yeah.

But back then, it's not as bad anymore.

Now it's just more of a joke rivalry.

Right.

And like it's all very lighthearted.

But there's still lots of Scottish accents in Corby.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Yeah.

They're very proud of their heritage.

So like, yeah, there's a lot of Celtic football tops as well.

Right.

But sort of second generation, presumably,

are not speaking with Scottish accents.

No, no, they're still speaking Scottish accents.

Wow, this is like a weird little...

Yeah.

That would suggest they only speak to their parents.

Yeah.

Yeah.

And to other families who have Scottish accents.

If you've still got the Scottish accents.

Well, they're surrounded by a bunch of towns and villages that they hate.

Yeah.

Oh, so they're doing it as a

fucking protest.

Yeah.

Yeah.

A little bubble community.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Yeah.

yeah.

This is fascinating.

This is a documentary.

Well, just do it, you know, yeah.

I feel like, yeah, I feel like you guys could be at the helm of that documentary, definitely.

You could be at the helm of that documentary, me and David.

I'm telling you, David on a guided tour, I'm getting beaten up in every scene.

Well,

you're dealing a lot of weed as well, dealing weed, yeah, to whoever I can,

getting my ass kicked for the privilege, yeah, and then going and talking to David about it in AE.

Yeah, yeah, they're they're there doing the Burns Knight speech and stab you instead of a haggard, yeah, yeah, yeah, they're getting kept in boy, yeah, so doing part of the ceremony in Corby.

Yeah.

Yeah,

but you'd be welcome.

So we're having a Haggis dish.

Yeah.

Some sort of fancy Haggis dish.

Some sort of fancy Haggis dish.

Haggis with a whiskey cream sauce.

I think so, probably.

And it probably does need to involve neaps and tatties as well.

Yes.

Traditional.

I think it has to come with neaps and tatties.

I think it does have to come with neaps and tatties, yeah.

Do you want those in a fancy way or do you just want the traditional?

I sort of want the chef to surprise me.

I want to kind of, it's a bit like Ready Steady Cook.

I want to give the chef the ingredients

and say, bring out something wonderful.

Who was the Scottish chef on Ready Steady Cook?

Nick Nairn.

Nick Nairn.

Yeah.

I was on it with him.

Were you really?

Yeah.

Yeah.

That's exciting.

Yeah.

My dad was a big Ready Steady Cook fan.

Yeah.

So when I first started doing Doctor Who, I remember they said, are there any things, you know, when we started to publicize the series, are there any things you'd like to do?

And I said, can I take my dad on Ready Steady Cook?

Great.

And they went, sorry, what?

Can I take my dad on Ready Steady Cook?

And they sort it out.

So me and my dad went on Ready Steady Cook.

Nick Nairn was particularly, he was great.

I used to love that show.

It was great.

I loved it when they

just the thing of tipping the bag out onto the counter.

Yeah, like, well, let's see what you've got, tipping it out.

Yeah.

So disrespectful.

Fantastic.

The budget was like a Fiverr or something, wasn't it?

It was something.

It was so tiny.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Yeah.

And was it delicious?

You remember it being...

Well, some of it was delicious.

And some, I mean, they did have to just magic some stuff up pretty quickly.

I don't know how much of a heads up they got.

Yeah.

Because very quickly they were going, I'm going to do this.

I'll do, I'll get some espumato and I'll do that.

And it was all quite impressive.

But as I went in to taste one of the dishes, the chef I was with whispered in my ear, that's not cooked, don't eat it.

So I think there was a certain amount of stay-time television trickery going on as well.

That's not cooked, don't eat it.

With your whiskey sauce, is there a certain type of

Scottish whiskey?

No.

And it doesn't need to be whiskey.

It can be anything you like.

I'm seeing whiskey as a nod to the traditions of Scotland.

I i don't actually care i i'm very happy for you to be free with that and just to come up with

haggis is your base ingredient yep do with that something wonderful and bring it to my table well look this this is the dream restaurant we can bring you a haggis dish that surprises you with every mouthful oh come on that's lovely because it regenerates it regenerates ah there we go every

time like the doctor yeah

I see where you're going with that.

Thank you for that.

I'm glad we got there in the end.

People go, all the fans of Doctor Who are really, they're like, he's called a doctor, not Doctor Who.

And if I was ever the doctor, God willing,

I would be the first one who would, I think, in the first five minutes when they say, hey, Dr.

Ibe, please call me Doctor Who.

And I would absolutely like

everyone else.

That'd be my catchphrase as the doctor would always be, please call me Doctor Who.

Call me Mr.

Who.

Yeah.

Please call me Mr.

Who.

Doctor Who was my father's name.

Yeah,

definitely, I'd like to say.

What would you wear?

Oh, well, that's a good question.

I feel that's a big decision.

It's a big decision.

It's a big decision.

Yeah.

A comedian called Jack Barry once did an Edinburgh show where he wore a suit covered in cannabis leaves.

And I think I would bring my weeds dealer persona into the doctor.

Wow.

So

you'd struggle to get that past BBC compliance.

I'll be absolutely.

It could just be blurred out for the whole thing.

Yeah.

Because you always had quite a cool outfit, I thought.

I was very pleased about that out for you.

Yeah, but it was a big part of the decision.

Whereas, Shuty now, of course, has just gone, I'll wear a different thing every episode, yeah, yeah, which is, yeah, I mean, bold, well done, shooty, because he looks kind of great, so yeah, you know, is it a big, big decision that you've got?

Do you have a few meetings about oh, yeah, endless meetings, yeah, a lot of back and forth, a lot of uh

we went to a sort of costume house and just tried everything on finding shades and then materials and all, yeah.

Our friend Tom Neenan, who's a brilliant comedy writer, yeah, and also uh, very, very big Doctor Who fan, right?

He uh, He claims, listen to this, I'm not sure you know this.

No, I'm listening to this as well.

Okay.

That he met you once in a train station.

Okay.

Came over to say hello, and you're very nice.

Okay, thank you.

And he always wears suits.

He's wearing sort of like a safari-looking suit.

Okay.

And you said, oh, I like your suit.

Right.

A couple of months later, I think your cast maybe after that, or

your series starts, you're wearing the exact same suit.

What, in Doctor Who?

Yeah.

Well, he thinks he

dressed me.

He thinks you saw his suit and went, I want to wear the suit of that guy I met in the train station.

Wow.

Wow.

That's not.

I know where I got the suit idea from.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

And I don't think it was him.

Unless I was subconsciously, that was probably having a big influence.

That's very generous of you.

Yeah.

Almost certainly was.

Where did you get the suit idea from?

Jamie Oliver was on Parkinson wearing a suit with trainers and looking really cool.

Yeah.

And it's not that I copied that suit, but that's definitely

the idea came from.

Yeah.

Yeah.

We copied his boxer shorts.

We did.

Why did he show you his boxer shorts?

He just started talking about his, he'd found a new brand of boxer shorts he really liked and he wasn't being sponsored by them.

Okay.

And he was like, oh, they're great because they've got like a pouch at the front that carries everything.

And he really needs that pouch.

His lover needs his support in his pouch.

He said it's like angels carrying your balls or something, I think.

He said it says all that.

And we were like, oh, that's great.

Thanks, Jamie.

We can talk about food now.

Yeah.

And then we did the podcast.

It was in his offices.

Right.

So he had to rush off.

We were doing the outro.

And then suddenly he just burst back in and he went, Yeah, yeah, yeah.

So this is what I'm talking about.

And he was holding a pair of his boxes and he was like showing us the inside.

And I went, oh, that's the pouch, is it?

And I put my finger inside the box.

He went, no, don't touch that.

I've just taken them off in the toilet.

That's holy for you, man.

Wow.

And to be absolutely fair to him, I now exclusively wear.

You're still there.

Those boxes, yeah.

I don't exclusively wear them, but I'm pretty sure without checking, I'm wearing a pair right now.

I'm definitely wearing it.

Are you going to tell us what this brand is or is that with that?

The sacks or the beat sacks.

They know it.

The listeners know it.

SACK or S-A-X?

S-A-X-X.

S-A-X.

SA-X.

Oh, that's put me off.

S-A-C-K-S.

If it was called SAX,

SA-C-K.

SA-triple X would put me off more, I think.

Yeah, yeah, sure.

It's two SACs.

They could have just had one X.

They've just got a bit overexcited about themselves.

But if it's a good product, it's a good product.

The branding could have been done, you know.

They're quite expensive.

So if anyone from SACS is listening.

Oh, I love them.

I love the SACS.

I think, yeah, two X's is just right.

Well done, guys.

So there we go.

We've all been influenced by Jamie Oliver fashion-wise.

We have, yeah.

Dreamside dish.

I'm going to, and this doesn't entirely necessarily work with my haggis dish because it might be a bit of repetition.

But over...

the Christmas holidays, my wife took some new potatoes and covered them in salt and a little bit chili, I think, and lots of oil and roasted them.

And they were just about the most extraordinary thing I've ever eaten.

So a small new potato roasted,

that new potato, that sort of virginal new potato skin is crisping up with the salt and the oil.

It was absolutely sensational.

So that's my side dish.

And I know that that's a double potato.

potentially, depending on what happens in my haggis dish, but there's probably going to be a double potato.

But potatoes are probably my favorite foodstuff in the world.

So I'm very happy to have them twice.

This does sound good, though.

I love a roasted new potato.

Heaven.

I don't like boiled new potatoes.

Never been a fan of that.

But you roast a new potato and magic flavor.

You don't think to do it, do you?

No.

Because that's not what they're for.

Yeah, yeah.

Turns out they are.

Turns out that is exactly what they're doing.

That's what they're there for.

They're born for.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Oh, I like a standard new potato.

I love that too.

Yeah, no, they're both.

With some butter on them And like with a salad.

With the butter on them, yeah.

I've yet to find anything you can do with a potato that I'm not going to find delicious.

Ed?

That's a

challenge to do a potato.

Yeah, no, I'm trying to think of

something to do with a potato that you would say is a delicious.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

That's essentially what you're saying.

I can't think of doing that.

I'm going to eat it out of Jamie Oliver's punch.

Yeah, there you go.

That's a bit difficult.

Imagine if when you were going to put your finger in, you went, don't touch that, I'll put some new potatoes in there.

That's what I was carrying my new potatoes.

You don't want to touch that.

Yeah, I think that sounds absolutely delicious.

That's super crispy, super hot.

Yeah, and did your wife make the full Christmas dinner, or was it she did not?

She did not cook it.

It wasn't Christmas Day, it was in the sort of the perineum.

Actually, it was even post-perineum.

It was, it was, we were just into the new year, literally going, What the fuck have we got left?

Sprouts and potatoes.

And she went, I'll just do this.

These boxes really support my perineum.

Yeah, yeah.

I'm glad that that we're back with sex.

Yeah, we ain't getting away from that.

Yeah.

We need some new pairs.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Yeah.

It was, it was post.

She didn't sort of mean to do it.

It was a kind of, it was a little bit

together and see what happens.

Yeah.

Cooking is not something she prizes herself as being particularly good at, but this was such a triumph.

Yeah.

And did you really like try and impress upon her how much you love these potatoes in the hopes of getting them again in the future?

I did, but I'm hoping that the mentioning mentioning them here will mean that she'll

start her own business.

Maybe, yeah.

Yeah, this is a big platform.

Not a bad idea.

Yeah, who I keep thinking about.

Go on.

One of your characters.

Ever since you said about the lassies,

is when you're in Jessica Jones, you play the

baddie.

Yeah.

And he's influencing the lassies all the way through, whispering in their ears, saying stuff.

Yeah.

He was at Burns night.

Carnage.

Wouldn't want him doing the toast of the lassies, wouldn't he?

He was a bad guy, man.

He was a very, very bad guy.

But he did have a particular set of specific circumstances afforded to him.

And I think if you've lived in a world where, for anyone who doesn't know, this is a character called Kilgrave from the Marvel universe.

Yeah.

And

everything he says is immediately obeyed by anyone around him.

I think it's like Simon says, but.

It's like Simon says, but you can't say no.

Yeah.

Yeah.

I would say, maybe this is a bold statement.

The best MCU Vinny?

Yeah.

I think.

From your mouth to Kevin Feige's ears.

Yeah.

But I'd say above Thanos for me.

I think it was it was great.

Like genuinely hated you.

Yeah, good, good, good.

And like, and didn't really feel like that with a lot of MCU villains.

You're like, okay, whatever.

And there was a lot of people having problems with them in films.

And like, this guy, I was like, this piece of shit.

Yeah, no, you better get his comeuppance because he's a, I fucking hate this guy.

Yeah.

But then also, I don't want you to spoil this for people, but like, at the end, I was like, well, I kind of like to see him.

Savium group.

yeah, yeah.

But that's the joy of that, I think, just having a one-series run of something, making an impression, and then knowing that you don't have to come back and top it.

I guess so, yeah.

Yeah.

I mean, it was always going to be that.

Yeah.

And it sort of had to be.

That's the trouble with that character is that he's so specific and so kind of

quite hard to write for because

there's quite hard to create conflict around him because everything he says is done.

So you have to find in storytelling terms,

it probably is only one story to tell, I would think.

Although I'm very happy if somebody wants to try a second one.

I mean, you can never rule it out with those guys.

Well, exactly.

They bring everyone back.

Yeah.

Dead means absolutely fucking.

There's so many different universes to choose from.

Yeah, it's quite.

You can pop through a portal, can't you?

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

They could just solve that problem.

They could have it.

You come from another universe and another one.

No one obeys what you say.

Yeah.

That's the twist.

Got an attitude for the negative part.

Anything I see, people do the opposite.

Yeah.

I suppose very quickly you could probably harness that to your to your own advice.

Yeah, you just can you make sure you say the opposite of what you want.

Yeah, yeah, that doesn't work.

Yeah,

that's the same character, essentially.

Yeah, yeah.

Same thing, but it's jeopardy.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

I guess one episode you accidentally say what you want.

Yeah,

and they do the opposite.

Yeah.

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Your dream drink.

Now, we've always said Dr.

Pepper.

We've talked about Dr.

Pepper, but we're happy to have you, let you have that just on tap.

Oh, yeah, that's just, that's a freebie.

Oh, no, I want a nice bottle of...

Can I order a specific wine?

Is that allowed?

Yeah.

I'll have a bottle of Travellini Gattinara.

The only issue with ordering a specific bottle of wine, if me and James haven't heard of it, we all just go, yes.

Describe it for us.

Take us there.

Can I be a showbiz wine car and tell you

it was?

This will make me sound disgustingly entitled and repellent.

But it was a recommendation from Stanley Tucci, your friend?

The Tooch.

The Tooch.

Friend of the friend.

Friend of the pod.

Friend of the pod.

And when he tells you what wine to drink, a bit like Kilgrave and Jessica Jones.

He's the Kilgrave.

Of course.

He's the Kilgrave of Italian cuisine.

Yeah.

So he suggests an Italian wine and you go, I'll never drink another wine for the rest of my life.

And that's kind of where I'm at.

I mean, that is.

Very, very drinkable, very easy, very light, very dry.

Red wine, right?

Yeah.

Yeah.

I don't really drink white wine.

I'm into white wine though.

Are you?

I never used to drink drink white wine.

Mainly because I drank, I think when I was a teenager, I drank terrible white wine.

That's what it is.

Yeah.

Yeah.

The first and worst hangover I ever had was on, well, was on homebrew white wine.

Oh, wow.

Oh, my God.

I was ill.

Homemade white wine.

Yeah, fucking really.

Who made that?

Yeah.

My sister.

And I've never really got over it.

No.

Yeah, you don't get over that sort of stuff.

How did you make white wine?

I have no idea.

It was a kit, I think.

Oh, yeah.

One of those kits where you leave things in the air and cover.

Yeah, exactly that.

Exactly that.

Yeah.

So there was quite a lot of it.

Boy.

Yeah, that put me left.

Yeah.

You know what I thought your dream dream was going to be?

Iron Brew.

Polygues potion so you can keep looking like Freddie Gleason.

This is

quite well researched, this.

James's brain is basically films.

Okay.

So he's got a massive sort of repository of a lot of stuff in there.

Right, right.

Yeah, yeah.

These are pretty big performances.

Yeah, there you go.

This is like

to do much research to know this stuff.

It's pretty big franchise.

But it's in there.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Yeah.

With that film, I always forget that because I know what the twist is.

Yeah.

So when I'm watching it, I'm watching Bernard Gleason, but I'm convinced I'm watching you

play in that role, which is ridiculous because obviously I wasn't there for most of it.

But this is how good you are.

You don't even need to be on set.

Yeah.

Your tongue work in that film is grotesque.

Thank you very much.

Thank you for announcing.

Rare to get to say thank you after the word grotesque.

I'm very proud of it.

Yeah.

It gets the whole plot hinges on it.

Yeah, yeah, absolutely.

Would you,

when eating a meal, do you

get the tongue out?

Did the tongue ever come in handy?

Only if something, I mean, it had to extend quite far up my.

Yeah.

So only if something was dribbling in some very unappealing way or had splashed onto my top lip and needed rescuing, I suppose.

But then if you do that now at a meal, do people go, it's Party Crouch Jr.

I mean, I suspect you would.

I mean, it senses the.

I'll get Party Crouch Jr.'s back.

Everyone has got the politicians.

Potion Make sure he doesn't drink it.

Are you swirling wine and smelling it?

Are you doing all of that?

Yeah.

Yeah.

It's moving it on.

I love this.

I'm going to bring it back.

Okay, good.

He's tearing you up for something here.

I have a friend called Chris that we have spent years ridiculing for the way he will test a bottle of wine, refuses to sort of disconnects his bottom jaw

and just lets the fumes hit his face.

His whole face.

His face.

So he

lowers the bottom jaw, takes a big in-breath over a glass of wine and then just nods, nods his assent.

Well, so he's not just smelling

that's going in his mouth as well.

That's apparently what you're supposed to do.

So you're not just smelling,

you're letting it all.

Because I suppose, well, your mouth and nose are very connected, aren't they?

Yeah.

Oh, yeah.

And you're just sort of.

So like a sort of like a snake getting ready to consume some prey.

You disconnect your bottom jaw, let it swing open, and you just imbibe the fumes.

You don't taste it, tasting it.

You're tasting it for absolute losers.

Yeah, I've got a couple of proper wine friends

who, when you're out with them,

quick smell, and then they're like, yeah, that's fine.

But do they not do the jaw thing?

They don't do the jaw thing.

God, they're losers too.

They're losers.

Yeah.

They think they're cool.

Ollie Smith and Freddie Bournemouth are losers.

Congratulations, guys.

If we go out for dinner with Chris, though, it's all we're waiting for.

We're waiting for the distended jaw and the wine sapling.

It's absolute heaven.

You could get the tongue in there.

I could get the tongue, but that would be wrong.

But imagine the two of you sitting opposite each other doing those moves.

He's unhinged his jaw like a snake.

You're

picking it up like a snake.

Like a snake, like Voldemort can control snakes.

Yeah.

That could be your third dinner guest, Fines, controlling Chris.

You there with your tongue going crazy.

He's putting it around the back of his head.

Yeah.

My glass on the back of his head, having a little sniff.

Well, that's quiver.

Let's face it.

Yeah.

That's quivel.

Come on.

Yeah, but Voldemort's got no nose.

Oh, that's true.

How does he teach his wife?

How does he smell?

Fantastic.

Oh, yeah.

Actually, I bet he stinks, Voldemort.

Of course he stinks.

Do you know what I mean?

Yeah.

Did you ever want to improvise in that film and be like, my lord, you stink.

I never did.

I never did.

I only met Voldemort the puppet version.

He's the one.

Oh, it's a horrible puppet version.

And then he kills the janitor or something.

Something like that.

Yeah.

Me and Timothy Spall had a scene with them.

I thought it was a foundation.

The friend of the pod.

Friend of the pod.

Has he been a friend of the pod?

Yeah.

Yeah.

I've been in both spools, actually.

Oh, Spole Senior, Spall Jr.

Yeah, we've had the Double Spool.

The Double Spole?

Yeah.

Great.

Yeah.

Don't mind if we don't.

Not together.

Not together.

Separately.

Separately.

Maybe a future one.

We arrive at your dream dessert.

Yes.

This is one from my childhood.

Great.

This is going to be a lot less poncy than some of my other choices.

Okay.

But possibly more delicious.

Okay.

So you assemble this yourself.

Anyone at home can do this.

Butterscotch Angel Delight.

You know of which I took.

Yes.

Yes.

You get Butterscotch, Angel Delight.

You get a Mars bar.

You chop the Mars bar up into little bite-sized chunks.

And before the Angel Delight has set, you mix it through.

You've got a large...

bowl then of butterscotch angel delight peppered with chunks of mars bar this was our dessert dessert of choice as children.

I don't know if it was my mum's recipe or if she'd gone somewhere else, but it was a very special day if we had the Angel Delight.

Yeah, I bet.

I've got a Scotch Angel Delight with Mars bar next to each other.

But you could probably try

other types of Angel Delight, other flavours, but you would be wrong too, because

this is where it's at.

I love this pure nostalgia.

But also delicious.

Yeah.

Delicious.

And each bite, you don't know if you're going to get the little treat of a little Mars bar hit.

Yeah.

Yeah.

That's great.

i i i don't know if we've had angel delight come up on the podcast very we've talked about it people get very angry when we say we've not talked about things and then we have they'll list oh right all of the episodes oh do they well i don't know why you said this to someone recently but it was on a recent episode it was on rose matafeo's episode you said we've we've not talked about willy wonker on this podcast before and we've i think we talk about him most weeks ah right it's weird that i said that yeah but i i know that we have yeah of course we have of course it's come up on the podcast so i'm sure angel of the light has come up on the podcast but i don't know if anyone picked it nobody's put it as as they're they have picked it

twice twice twice this is the third time

angel delight buddies noel fielding noel fielding of course and helen skelton there we go it's quite a it's quite a curious triumvirate there that's a good team yeah there you go the three of you hitting the town together yeah charlie's angel delight then did any of them put mars bar through their angel delight no

no no no no one else has put mars bar through their angel delight they definitely didn't Yeah, immediately rejected him as a team.

He takes it to a whole different place.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

He does that next to my Travellini Gattinaro.

Yeah.

The perfect combination.

It's the perfect combination.

What would Tooch say if he heard that, though?

I wonder if he's ever eaten Angel Delight.

I wonder.

Surely not.

You could have recommended it back to him.

Thank you for that wine recommendation, Stanley.

Yeah.

May I suggest

Angel Delight.

May I suggest some highly processed,

yeah.

There's probably a sort of Heston version of butterscotch injury delight isn't there that's made from sort of fairy's wings or something yeah which

is i'm sure equally delicious but there's something about

sort of nasty

cosmetic hit you need the brand sometimes like you need heinz ketchup angel delight if you try and make your own version it's just not it's not as good yeah beans as well yeah i i promise you go away and try it well i i think we've got some angel delight in the cupboard at home because we um of course you do we in the lockdown we tried to make Magnolia Bakery banana style pudding.

Yeah.

Well, just banana pudding.

Right.

Tried to make that, but we went on the Magnolia Bakery and learned what the thing was.

And it said, get this thing, but it said, if you can't get it, get Angel Delight.

Right.

Yeah.

To use.

So we got some, but we got too much.

Made it during the lockdown.

It was delicious.

It was so delicious.

I'm like, we can never make this again.

Yeah.

And now we've just got Angel Delight.

I think butterscotch.

I think we've got some butterscotch in there and some vanilla or whatever.

But like, yeah, if it's butterscotch, we're going to have to do this tomorrow's bar do it tonight but james is so worried this is a constant worry for him of finding something that's so delicious that it ruins his life oh it might ruin your life yeah that's the thing is like if it's if it's delicious but i can't get it very often that's the dream yeah is that it's so delicious but like i'm not going to be able to get access to that so like when i first went to america and had banana pudding i was like great i know i know nowhere in england that does that right so i'm fine i just can make it myself i have to erase it out my mind really yeah what kind of dish is the best?

It's basically just like the most full-fat, double, triple, quadruple cream in a, like, what looks like a Ben and Jerry's tub that's got bits of banana and vanilla wafers in it, just all stirred through.

It's crazy, it's insane.

It should just be a little spoonful of that.

Should be a topping on a different dessert, not a full tub of eating that.

So when I learned to make it, that was bad.

Right.

And now there's a place like around the corner from me that does it,

which I did not need to discover.

Right, right.

So

that's the battle every single day.

Sounds good, though.

It's to never go there.

It is good.

But now you've got a new, you've got a new enemy.

Got a new enemy.

Bust Scotch Angel Delight with Mars.

If that guy who owns the dessert shop, because it is a dessert shop near me, who does the banana pudding, is listening to this, he's going to make that Angel Delight Mars bar one.

He's going to know I can't resist it.

Yeah.

And I'll be going there, knocking on the door.

I mean, I'm seeing you can't.

You might try it and go, that's...

I don't know.

It sounds good.

Those two things.

I know I like those two things.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Especially cold, cold Mars.

That's what I really like.

It's the mystery of what you're going to get in each spoonful.

Yeah, yeah.

Is Is there going to be a little bit of Mars bars?

Is it a mystery?

If it's you're getting a bit of Mars or you're not getting a bit of Mars?

Think when I was a kid, the Mars was stretched quite thin.

Right, okay.

So it really was a bit of a cave.

It was a treat if you got one.

It was like finding a sort of thruppenny bit in the Christmas pudding, I believe.

From, you know, a Christmas carol.

When I have made it in later life, we've probably been a bit liberal with a Mars bar.

You're doing well.

Well, come on.

You know, if you can't kick back and enjoy life.

You're earning.

Put a bit of extra Mars in your Angel Delight.

Yeah.

But maybe that's not what it needs.

Maybe it does need to need the restraint.

It's slightly rarer.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Well, what about this for a little surprise?

Get a box of celebrations.

Oh, my God.

I know exactly where you're going.

Chop them up.

Fuck me.

That sounds great.

Put that in the...

Put that in the Angel Delight.

This is great.

And then you really don't know what you're going to do.

This is great.

Yeah.

That is quite exciting.

That's a good idea.

Yeah.

That's a real surprise.

Yeah.

And you can cut them all in half or whatever.

This is like one of those cookery shows where one of the chefs takes a sort of traditional dish and just makes it their own and takes it forward.

I feel like we've just may have discovered something.

Are there any celebrations that you'd want left out of there, though?

Oh, yeah.

I wouldn't, but you could.

We couldn't have, we've got peanut allergy in our house, so we couldn't have the Snickers, which is a shame because I love a Snickers.

Well, you can just save the Snickers in the tub and

put it a later dinner.

I mean, I've got a bottom of the garden and stuff my face with them.

Yeah, even more exciting.

Yeah.

Someone has a bit of a well, it's certainly got the Russian roulette element.

Yeah, then here we go.

What's in this?

There's one Snickers snicker's in there.

That would be a quite uh maybe one of the less eventful exciting episodes of Ready Steady Cook would be you tip the bag out, it's just a packet of angel delight and a box of celebrations.

Yeah, and Nick Nan's like, well, I think I know what I'm gonna make tomorrow.

I'm gonna do a mainstream.

Yeah, yeah, I'm fine.

Just go back to

it was more than 20 minutes.

How long was it?

I don't remember now.

I think they got like 20 minutes.

I think it was 20 minutes.

No wonder it wasn't cooked.

The thing I knew it was.

And they got 20 minutes to cook something sight unseen.

Yeah.

And Ainsley's like running over like every two minutes migrant way.

The whole time, yeah.

And basically just waving his hands in front of their face.

They don't still make it, do they?

No, it's not on anymore.

It's due a reboot, isn't it?

I think so.

Everything gets a reboot at some point.

They'll do it again.

Would you host it?

I don't think I'd be the best choice.

No?

No.

No, it's the four episodes a day thing that, you know.

I mean, we got...

hurtled out of that studio and the next lot we're in.

But surely like you've done films and TV shows that are more galling than filming.

Probably.

What's the most cool?

What's the role that you've done that you're like, never again could I do that?

And it could be something that you're really proud of still, but you're like, I could never go back and do that.

You played one very bad egg, I would say.

That must have been quite a tricky, tricky old piece to play.

Are you talking about Dennis Nielsen?

Yes.

Yeah, that was a particular journey.

Yeah.

Yeah.

We had a very good script, though, and it was very sensitively done.

Yeah.

As much as something like that can be.

i i i but and something like that was sort of you kind of visit something for a period of time and then you just kind of walk away from it i don't i but it wasn't sort of grueling in that it was it wasn't sort of it that's probably something that films over a long time where there's a sort of constant kind of

it's the thing that makes filming difficult is if there's a lot of dialogue if you're having to learn tons of words every single day that's what that's what becomes grueling the filming is sort of there are long days and everything but you kind of know what the rhythm of that is.

It's if the homework is kind of overwhelming, like every day you've got another big chip.

If you finish filming and then you've got to go home and learn a whole new that's when it starts to get kind of, I don't know how many.

So if a play's worse then?

Is it worse if you're doing like a player?

Because once a play's up and running, you're just doing the same thing every night.

You've got it in your back pocket.

That's sort of, that's very intense in rehearsals and then actually sort of kind of easier in a way.

Whereas filming something that's new every day, you're just sort of trying to get that one scene in the can.

And if there's, yeah, there's a lot of tricky dialogue.

But they are often the most rewarding things because, you know,

I've just done something which comes out next year about the phone hacking scandal.

Oh, yeah.

No, it comes out this year now.

And that was very intense just because there's a lot of quite complicated information in that.

You know,

I'm playing a journalist who was who sort of broke the case open.

And there's just a lot of quite technical stuff.

And obviously you have to be very specifically on that because there's a lot of lawyers watching to make sure you see you don't say the wrong thing and that was quite a long shoot and that was quite that was very intense but then that you then do something like that and you're very very proud to be part of course it's you know something like that is one of the stories of our time that needs telling okay we're in a major menu back to you now and see how you feel about it

You were like still water with ice.

Yes.

You want Dr.

Pepper on tap for the whole meal.

Just for life.

Popped it up to bed.

You want all bread all the time with butter.

Yeah.

Great.

Starter, escargo.

main course fancy haggis chef's choice with neats and tatties.

Nick Nairn's gonna make that.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, it should be Nick Nairn.

Yeah, yeah.

Side dish, wife's roasted new potatoes.

She'll come in salt and chili.

She'll come in to make them, yeah.

Yeah, she'll come in.

So will she be with you for the nick out the way?

For the rest of the meal, or will she only come in to make the

I'm allowed to have dinner with

how many people I'm allowed to have at the table?

As many as you want.

Oh, wow.

You can have...

Burns himself there if you want.

We can bring him back.

Oh, God, it's like a proper.

I didn't realise there was that element of fancy about it.

You you can bring him with you just i'll have i'll do you know what i'll have georgia with me because i don't really want to have dinner with anyone else really uh she can go off to make the potatoes briefly yeah and i'll have chris to open the bottle of wine because of course you want that of course you need that i really want you to see him yeah unhinging his jaw like a big python

speaking of which a bottle of travellini gattinara red wine come on dessert butterscotch angel delight peppered with chunks of Mars bar and we will try the celebrations version as well while we're there if you don't mind us joining you for for that one yeah you can come in for that do you want the tootch to come in and try that as well

chris can try it still dislocated you might get a bit judgy about my dessert choice that's but that's the risk you take with the tootch right it's the risk you take it's a riff it's a risk we're taking yeah yeah of course it is well that i think that's a great menu thanks very much really good

i really enjoyed that the main course was like here's my base ingredient yeah do whatever you like with it and then the dessert was butterscotch angels alike with mars bar peppered through it he thought about that so much it was so specific What I am,

as I talk about it, though, what I'm undecided about is how much Mars bar you should have.

Because obviously, the more Mars bar hit you get,

each little hit is delicious, but there's something about yearning for it.

Yes.

You've

got keeping it Mars, yeah.

Because otherwise you get used to it.

And then the joy isn't.

It just means nothing.

Yeah, yeah.

Well, that's a good metaphor for life.

It's like when you get old enough to make your own Butter Scotts Angels Alighted with Mars Bar, it's somehow less special than when you only get it once in a blue minute home.

Oh, yeah.

I've ruined so many foods for myself.

Yeah.

By just having unlimited.

Gorgon.

Yeah.

Like an entitled wanker.

At the end of

Harry Potter, the body cut stream was like, I don't even like the taste of apologies of potion anymore.

Yeah.

It's not that nice.

I don't like it anymore.

I think David calling James an entitled wanker is the perfect place.

I wasn't calling James an entitled.

I was calling all of us who have

graduated from childhood to a life of all of what you like.

Thank you very much for coming to the dream restaurant, David.

Thank you for having me.

Thank you, David.

There we are.

What a good chat with David Tennant.

I didn't keep my powder dry.

No, wet powder.

Very wet powder, but I was a piece of power.

You were a paste by the end of it.

There were some iconic roles.

I'm a pasty boy.

Yes, absolutely.

And

I had my stopwatch going.

Yeah.

Waiting for when you were going to bring up Jessica Jones.

Yeah,

yeah, yeah, yeah.

And I did no segue, really.

No.

I just kind of of went, do you know what I'm thinking about?

Yeah.

And talked about that because I wanted to talk about the jet.

It's one of my favourite villains.

Yes.

I had to talk about it.

Kilgrave.

Yeah, Kilgrave, man.

Kilgrave, a.k.a.

David Tennant.

Oh, that was Benito sneezing.

He doesn't like to talk on the pod, but he likes to sneeze.

He'll sneeze it up if he wants to, little sneezy boy.

He's going to edit that out, which is annoying because, like, I quite like that it was in there.

Yes.

I'm trying to figure out a way of getting into the next bit.

that means that he can't edit out the sneeze.

Yes.

But David Tennant didn't say tenants.

No, he didn't say tenants, but Benito just sneezed.

But Benito did just sneeze.

Hey, remember in the intro, we said there was a bit that we were going to read about David's podcast and save it for now.

This is what we're going to say.

Yes.

So as James and Ed mentioned, now I don't know who Ben thought was going to read this bit.

Yeah.

Himself, I guess.

Well, we did mention it.

They know we mentioned this, so.

We should flag it up again.

There's a great back catalogue of episodes of David's podcast with people like Olivia Coleman, Tina Faye, James Corden, Billy Piper, and and Whoopi Goldberg.

Faye, man, we got to get Faye on this pod.

We've spoke before.

It's never going to happen because Faye was in the audience at one of our Christmas specials.

The whole thing was a goddamn mess.

We mainly talked about Nish doing a fart, which, by the way, we've got more of those stories now.

So if Faye did come back on, we'd inevitably end up talking about Nish farting again.

That's going to come up on a future app.

That is going to come up with just a little thing for the hardcore fans.

We have a new Nish farting story

that is going to blow your mind.

And it's to do with food as well.

And it's to do with food.

It's always to do with food, I suppose.

It's the origin story of the fart.

David Tennant does a podcast with is back.

Listen to it now.

Thank you very much for listening to the Off Menu Podcast.

We will see you again soon.

We will see you again soon.

Goodbye.

Bye-bye.

Oh, hello, it's Amy Gladhill here.

Hello, I'm Harriet Kemsley.

Single ladies is coming to London.

Well, we're already in London, I suppose, in a way, but we're doing a live show, aren't we?

It's true on Saturday, the 13th of September at 7pm at King's Place.

So we've got your Saturday night sorted.

We've done all the organising for you.

Come along, have some drinks, alcoholic or non-alcoholic, both are available.

And you can get your tickets from plursive.co.uk, or just head to the link in our Instagram bio and just clickety click click.

London, we're coming.