Ep 282: Ellie Taylor

Hello, it's Ed Gamble here from the Off Menu Podcast.

Hello, it's James Acaster here from the Off Menu Podcast.

And before the episode starts, we'd like to talk to you about All Our Relations, a non-profit co-founded by your friend of mine, comedian Jen Brister, and Georgia Takax.

Yes, All Our Relations was originally started to support 15 families in Gaza when the genocide started, but now supports 21 families and funds several mutual aid projects, including two seven-day food kitchens and two mobile food parcel delivery schemes, as well, feeding hundreds of families in Gaza every single day.

They've created an absolutely amazing thing.

And we feel like, you know, it's the off-menu podcast.

We talk about food and we are very lucky to eat wonderful food and have access to absolutely brilliant food all of the time.

And I think we need to talk about people who have access to no food, James.

Absolutely.

So if people would like to donate, please go to allourrelations.co.uk or look at the links in Jen Brister's bio on Instagram.

Every penny raised goes to supporting people in Gaza.

Thank you so much and enjoy the episode.

It's Stock Up September at Whole Foods Market.

Find sales on supplements to power up for busy weeks.

Plus, pack your pantry with pasta, sauce, and more everyday essentials.

Enjoy quick breakfast for less with 365 by Whole Foods Market seasonal coffee and oatmeal.

Grab ready-to-heat meals that are perfect for the office and save on versatile no antibiotics ever chicken breasts.

Stock up now at Whole Foods Market, in-store and online.

Did you see the game last night?

Of course you did, because you used Instacart to do your grocery restock.

Plus you got snacks for the game, all without missing a single play.

And that's on multitasking.

So we're not saying that Instacart is a hack for game day, but it might be the ultimate play this football season.

Enjoy $0 delivery fees on your first three orders.

Service fees apply.

For three orders in 14 days.

Excludes restaurants.

Instacart, we're here.

Race the runners.

Raise the sales.

Raise the sales.

Captain, an unidentified ship is approaching.

Over.

Roger.

Wait, is that an enterprise sales solution?

Reach sales professionals, not professional sailors.

With LinkedIn ads, you can target the right people by industry, job title, and more.

Start converting your B2B audience today.

Spend $250 on your first campaign and get a free $250 credit for the next one.

Get started today at linkedin.com/slash campaign.

Terms and conditions apply.

You walk in tired and hungry.

One bad dinner away from losing it.

You don't like to cook.

You don't want more takeout.

You just want something good.

That's why there's Dish by Blue Apron.

Pre-made meals with at least 20 grams of protein and no artificial flavors or colors from fridge to fork in five minutes or less.

Keep the flavor.

Ditch the subscription.

Get 20% off your first two orders with code APRAN20.

Terms and conditions apply.

Visit blueapron.com/slash terms for more.

How to have fun anytime, anywhere.

Step one: go to chumba casino.com.

Chumba casino.com.

Got it.

Step two, collect your welcome bonus.

Come to Papa Welcome Bonus.

Step three, play hundreds of casino-style games for free.

That's a lot of games, all for free.

Step four, unleash your excitement.

Woo-hoo!

Cheeky, chump, chumba.

Chumba Casino has been delivering thrills for over a decade.

So claim your free welcome bonus now and live the chemba life.

Visit chembacasino.com.

No purchase necessary.

VGW Group void where prohibited by law.

21 plus.

Terms and conditions apply.

Welcome to the Off-Menu Podcast, taking the hard-shell tacos of conversation, adding the spiced mints of humor topping with the guacamole and sour cream of friendship and the grated cheese of the internet man i'm hungry that sounds delicious taco night baby old el peso

That's a gamble, but it was Jim Saycuster.

Together, we own a dream restaurant, and every single week we invite a guest.

We ask for their favourite ever start and make us dessert, side dish, and drink.

Night in that order.

And this week, our guest is Ellie Taylor.

The wonderful Ellie Taylor, fantastic comedian, brilliant actor.

Loads of stuff.

Always a great presenter as well.

You've seen her on Mass Report, Ted Lasso.

We watched her in the Celebrity Gladiators on New Year's Eve.

Smashed it.

We love Ellie.

We've done Mock the Week with Ellie back in the day as well.

I don't think I've seen Ellie since we did Mock the Week together.

That's insane.

That's mad.

I feel like I've seen her loads of watching all these shows that she's on.

Yeah.

So very much looking forward to having Ellie Taylor in the dream restaurant.

However, if Ellie picks a secret ingredient, which we have deemed to be unacceptable, we will have to kick her out of the dream restaurant and this week the secret ingredient is pavlova now look

her show her new stand-up tour that we'll be chatting to ellie about is called palavering and that to me sounds a bit like pavlova pavlovaring yeah pavlovering yeah so that's a good title for you your next show yeah people might be confused with ellie might take me to court yeah that's true But that's good publicity for both of you.

That's great publicity for both of us.

So actually, that's what my next tour is called, Pavlova.

Pavlovarin.

We should all come and see it.

But if Ellie chooses Pavlova, that's it's bad.

Yes, sure, it will be towards the end of the meal that she'll probably be kicked out, unless she goes in for Popadoms or Bread or Pavlova.

Yeah, which you know is a hack people can use.

We're not against that.

I am against someone choosing Pavlova for Popadoms or Bread.

Oh, I don't know.

I'd struggle to

do a Canabe Mother on a Pavlova, turn it into an Eden Mess.

Lovely.

But Palaveran is Ellie's show.

Yes, which starts

Palavering starts in April.

Yes.

Touring all over the place, go to Ellie TaylorComedy.com for tickets.

But we'll say that again at the end.

Just enjoy the off-menu menu of Ellie Taylor.

Ellie Taylor!

Welcome, Ellie, to the Dream Restaurant.

Wow, it's smaller than I thought.

Welcome, Ellie Taylor, to the Dream Restaurant.

We've been expecting you for some time.

And there's a lamp and everything.

There is a lamp and everything, yes.

No expense spared.

You guys are doing all right for yourselves.

Got a good lamp, right?

Very, very plastic.

Yes.

Yes.

Can you buy metal ones?

I don't even know if you can buy a metal one.

I don't know why a metal one.

I guess a real one.

I guess the thing that the thing is based on.

Yeah, I would think so.

I don't know if it was.

Because it's based on a thing, isn't it?

Do you think the people who make like metal lamps even make ones that look like that now?

Because like, surely that's a cliche.

They're like, this is to a lamp.

You can touch anything.

You can touch it.

You can touch the lamp.

Oh, Oh, it's light.

It's my home.

That's my home.

You've got your hand.

I've got double up there, James.

Lovely soft furnishings.

And while you're holding the lamp, I'm noticing your nails.

Oh, yeah.

I very much like the colour of your nails.

I've gone one hand green, one hand lilac, I would say.

Yeah, one hand green, one hand lilac.

James has recently been taught how to talk to ladies.

Oh, well done.

Which is very easy.

I like the colour of your nails.

Yes.

Well, actually, no, if I was really a lad who had been taught.

The colour of your nails are nice.

Not many people go for ugly colours.

That's very brave of you.

I am infuriated.

No, no, you're supposed to be attracted to me.

No.

It's backpacking.

I know.

Yeah, yeah.

You came in wearing those colours as well, because I said to you when you came in, I said, the joker.

I should have got a purple hat and a green coat.

Yeah, Ed wasn't here for it, but I went.

The joker.

Another wonderful compliment.

You look like a psychopath.

Thank you.

Thank you so much.

You're a comedian, joker, you know.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, true.

The true joker.

Why not?

Why not?

Thanks, James.

Thanks for noticing.

I had a manicure the other day, which is rare.

Oh, yeah.

So I appreciate that.

That's good.

How often do you have a manicure then?

He's really trying it.

Don't lie.

Well, it's a really good question, actually.

I would say when I've, if I've got telly stuff that I need to look like, you know, like I'm not a woman who's found in a hedge.

That sort of thing.

Whenever I need to look groomed.

So our podcast counts.

I wouldn't say that this was the reason I got it done, but it's a lovely accident.

Is it?

You can say it's the reason you got it done.

It's the reason I got it done.

A lot of people get quite glam for our pod.

Yeah, Benito's got a few cams up.

I've noticed.

It's going to get you.

It's not my good side, I'll be honest.

Yeah.

No, my other side's better.

Do you want to turn around back to the mic?

Fine.

You can't have to.

Yeah.

When we welcomed you into the dream restaurant, you said it was smaller than you expected.

It is, yeah.

What is your dream restaurant size?

Well, it's going to be different depending on what course I'm having.

Oh, lovely.

And I've never used this word in a sentence before, and I hope I'm using it correctly.

It's peripatetic.

Is that right?

I don't know.

I don't think I know that.

It moves around.

It moves around, yeah.

Yeah, it moves around.

I didn't know that because when you said you got halfway through it, and I thought we were having Nando's.

Peripetetic.

Peripatetic.

Yeah.

Correct?

Yeah.

Moves around.

I had a drum teacher who was peripathetic.

Yes, peripatetic.

Well, I'm peripatetic.

You're very peripatetic.

I wasn't in here just now.

You're very pathetic, though.

Right.

Fuck you, man.

Yeah, it's it's going to move around.

That's what I've decided.

Sorry.

We're squabbling.

That's it, okay.

So it's the first peri-peri-pathetic restaurant we've had.

Is it?

I think so.

Do people always stay in one place?

No, but they don't like...

Yours is specifically like an accordion, kind of like changing sizes by the fancy.

It's fine.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

I think so.

So the first one is, I want to have a drink at a nice fancy bar.

I would straighten it up.

And this is good because we're not into the main menu yet.

Yeah.

But you are one of the few who's talked about a pre-drink before going for a dinner.

That's like one of the best bits, the anticipation of going for a lovely dinner.

But it probably should be an option we offer.

Yeah.

Really?

That's true.

Do you want to go for a drink beforehand?

Oh, 100%.

But then I like when people do the hacks.

You know,

it makes me respect that it came from them.

They've hacked the system.

Because otherwise,

the amount of questions.

The amount of questions we've got to ask them otherwise.

But then if we're worried about it not being, it's Ellie's thing.

So why don't we say the question can be, do you want to go for a drink with Ellie Taylor first?

Yeah, that'd be a question.

It's a new form of it.

For everyone.

For everyone.

Well, then that's quite brutal on me, isn't it?

That I'm not sure I've got confidence in that.

It's that highlight.

Just a drink, just a drink beforehand.

Yeah, with a nice person.

With a nice person, Ellie Taylor.

And maybe when we're having this pre-drink, would you be talking to them about maybe your upcoming tour, Palava in?

That's all I talk about at the moment.

100%.

Yeah.

My daughter loves it, six-year-old.

Yeah, I am.

James, I am going on tour.

Yeah.

Thank you for the time.

What's the bar look like?

Do you know, just because it's the one I went to the most recently, do you know the bar at the Langham fancy hotel in London?

It's very dull.

I lived there for a week when someone fucked up my visa.

True story.

Yeah, that's it.

So somebody was working for me at the time, messed up my visa.

I'd arranged to have builders in my flat while I was away in America, so I couldn't go home.

So I had to live in the Langham for a week, like

before the Colkin, I guess.

They put me up there to say sorry.

That's quite a good sorry.

So then I lived there for a week in the Langham.

Well, you know the bar very well then.

I know the bar.

How often were you in the bar, mate?

24-7.

I was in my room the same amount of time most people are in the bar.

Fair enough.

Did you like living there?

Yeah, I did, actually, but only because I knew it was only for a week.

So it was a laugh.

I've got a massage.

Oh, my God.

I want someone to mess up my visa.

The tiniest, oldest woman I've ever met gave me a massage.

Absolutely brilliant.

Was she powerful?

She was very powerful.

Yeah.

How tiny?

Elbows like steel.

She wasn't so tiny she couldn't get above you.

What the hell?

This guy.

Well, you said she was the tiniest old woman you remember.

Yeah, she could get above me.

That's what you want.

Okay.

Yeah, yeah.

That sounds like a lovely week.

She could demand that lady as well.

A bloody bet.

Everyone was talking about it.

Oh, now I want to go.

Well, I've had a massage at the Langham.

Now I'm going to the bar.

Oh, good.

Yeah.

So you want the tiny old woman?

Yeah.

I want to get rid.

Yeah, like, and and the getting ready for dinner is also lovely.

I want to get ready and look all fancy.

That's nice.

And then I'm going to the bar, but I'm sitting.

I really like sitting at the bar.

That's my favoured place to sit.

And in a restaurant, actually, if there's a bar seat option, I always go there.

Is that what you would do?

I love doing that, especially if I'm eating alone as well.

Yeah.

Sitting at the bar is good.

What about if you're not alone?

Because I still, I love doing that with my husband.

Yeah, when it's two of you.

Yeah.

Lovely.

Yeah.

More than two.

Oh, nightmare.

Not bad.

Oh, nightmare.

More than two husbands.

Nightmare.

I made a fool of myself.

No offense to anyone out there with two husbands.

I was negging someone for no reason earlier.

Oh, you wasted it.

It's good practice.

Hey, he doesn't have to always be a husband, James.

There are options.

No, options.

Yeah, yeah.

Yeah, yeah.

If someone necks you hard enough.

That's how it works.

That's the lesson I tell my daughter.

So are you having the drink at the bar with your husband or doing it with the masseuse that I mentioned earlier?

She can come up and have a drink with you.

No, she's too little.

She probably wouldn't be able to reach on the stool.

Yeah.

So she's not.

Everyone went for that.

Yeah.

Everyone raised for that joke.

I'm going to go with my husband.

He can, yeah, he can sit next to me.

Yeah.

And he's saying, so, Ellie, tell me about this tour.

I'm like, why haven't you paid attention?

I've been talking about it for a bloody year.

Yeah, I'm going on tour in April and May this year around the UK with my show, Palavering.

Nice.

Lovely bit of stand-up.

I haven't been on tour for about, I think, about five years.

Getting back out there doing stand-up comedy in Inverted Commas.

Looking forward to it?

Yeah, I'm looking forward to it.

I'm a bit like, I just can't, I can't, I can't imagine what it will be like to be like away from home, you know, and all of that malarkey and travelling around.

But I'm looking forward to it.

I bet it'd be lovely, actually.

Yeah, it will be nice.

But do you know what?

My aim is, because when I've been on tour before, I do not,

this is all based from listening to lots of your podcasts.

I was like, I bet when you guys go on tour, you make an effort to go to the lovely restaurants around you.

And I never do that.

I get a Wagamamas or a Nando's delivered to the theatre.

I do that.

Do you?

Yeah, so James is better at going to the restaurants, I think.

I think you guys, you'll take a look at the best.

Now and again, if there's somewhere I really want to go and we've got the time, so we're like in the same area of the country, or we're staying in one hotel and there's loads of cities around that we're going to, we'll have a lunch in a nice restaurant.

But if it's like night to night, different places, Nando's in the dressing room.

Yeah.

Just convenience.

It's very convenient and you know it'll be pretty good.

But yeah, now and again, I'd say a couple of times a tour, fancy restaurant for lunch.

I need to try and do that because I never, ever do that.

But you've got to write off the show in the evening, pretty much.

Oh, don't say that.

Why?

Well, because

what'd you drink in there lunch show yeah yeah yeah

only only like maybe one one to two glasses of wine okay but then actually when we have done that the shows end up being pretty good because we're so like wired and like loosey-goosey yeah yeah not me look

anyone who saw me uh in leeds on i think it was the third or fourth night of my last tour because i was there for a bit sorry

that was bad i was full where did you go i went to ox club yeah intended to have one thing but then they sent over.

They're like, you've got to have this starter.

It's so good.

So I had the starter and because it was so good, I was like, right on.

This is a free course meal now because the place is like quality.

And they had a baked Alaska.

Yeah.

Which that's the rule.

If they've got a baked Alaska.

Is that the rule?

You've got to get it.

I didn't know that was the rule.

That's the rule.

I don't think I've...

I can't think of ever seeing baked Alaska on a menu.

That's why we don't know the rule.

You've never got it.

There's always one at the Ox Club, isn't there?

There's always a different flavoured.

Also, they do a different one each time.

So every time I've sent someone there, they've gone and got the baked Alaska.

It was, you know, this ice cream.

I was like, this is great.

I can get behind this.

A different baked Alaska every day.

Me too, crikey.

I love dessert, James.

You'll be pleased to know.

I'm so good.

Good.

You can relax.

Yeah, instantly relaxed.

Again, our marriage is looking really

possible.

Yeah.

Well, yeah.

Well, yeah, don't mess me around.

Yeah, sure.

If she's going to get rid of the husband,

at least, you know, stay on husband level.

Yeah.

You'll stay married.

Yeah.

Okay.

Well, you're going to be my first ever wife.

That's lovely.

How do you feel about that?

Would you like a wife?

No.

No.

But, you know,

I understand that if I'm breaking up a marriage, I should probably the decent

step off the plane and get married.

Yeah.

What are you having?

Well, there's three drinks, actually.

So I'm sitting at the bar.

Right, you're getting hammered before you get away.

Well, no, because one of them is non-alcoholic.

Okay.

So I want in a real, first of all, I want a really heavy crystal fat glass like you get in like, say, her house.

You know, they've got real good weight to it.

And I want a double vodka Diet Coke.

I love that.

We're in the Langham Bar.

Yeah.

We've got a lovely glass.

Yeah.

Double vodka diet Coke.

It's ruining in it.

My husband despairs about that.

It's been my favourite drink since I was like 16.

And it's not changed.

I'm very loyal to V D C.

So that's your standard going out drinking?

Double V D C mean sounds.

Yeah, double V D C salon.

Double V D C D C D C D C Well D V D C.

Yeah, D V D V C D's

D d's D d's D d's I love it.

And I also I love Diet Coke so it's like my I think it's unusual to have your favourite drink that you can alcoholize.

Do you know what I mean?

Like ramp it up.

You can have it all day.

Yeah.

And then from day to night, make it a bit cheeky, make it a bit cheeky in the evening.

I love a V D C.

So I'm having that.

And I also want Robinson's fruit and barley orange.

Now there's a lot of squash chat on this podcast, but I haven't heard anyone talking about barley water.

No, we haven't talked about barley water.

Yeah, which is a sort of side, I would say, a sort of a slight tangent off regular squash.

I don't know what it is, yeah, I don't, but it's got barley in it, and it's really like smooth and delicious.

I would really, I'd really recommend it.

Okay, yeah, I remember the first time I had a lemon barley water

and it blew my mind.

Yeah, yeah, yeah,

delicious, nice and acidic, got a bit of tang.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, it's really nice.

I don't know if we have talked about barley water before.

This is crazy.

I'm so excited.

I'm the first one who's going for a pre-drink.

Yeah, and it's done.

it's not like that

let's get the pie stand so what do you have in this like barley water in your day-to-day life is that pretty regular yeah yeah i've probably had like three already today

yeah

it's uh have you 25 minutes past 12 for the listener alcoholized barley water i haven't but you could i suppose you can do it with anything i guess what would you do add a bit of vodka in it i think vodka yeah yeah if it doubt vodka yeah

a double nubbing you yeah gin actually might work better with it lemon with a lemon barley water.

I don't want lemon orange.

Okay.

Thank you.

Vodka then.

Yeah, body is.

I'll try that.

I'll try that.

And I also want,

because I'm at the Langham, I want to keep it classy.

I want to have a Kier Royale.

Okay.

Love a Keir Royale.

Which is essentially, when I was thinking about this, it's like putting squash in a champagne, isn't it?

It's like alcoholic Robina.

Yeah, yeah.

So what I've done is, yeah, another lemon barley water.

Another squash, really.

Yeah.

I'd say it's too late when you've gone into the Langham and said double vodka diet coke, orange barley water, to then go, but I'm keeping it classy.

I was going to say I'd whisper the first two, but no, I'm not ashamed.

No, you shouldn't be ashamed.

No, I'm not ashamed.

Yeah, and I'll say it.

I'd be ashamed of ordering three drinks, maybe.

Do you haven't?

I wouldn't actually, in real life, do three, but I might do two.

But this isn't real life, so fine, fuck it.

Yeah.

It's to me.

I never spoke about it on the podcast before, but you believe all this?

Real life.

Yeah.

When you're in this situation, you've got the three drinks.

Are you ordering them one by one or you're ordering them all at the same time?

And if so, are you one sip, one sip, one sip or are you whole thing, whole thing, whole thing?

I'd probably chug the barley water that needs to be rehydrated because I had the massage.

Yes, of course.

Because they say that at the end of the massage, don't you?

Make sure you drink all your barley water.

Yeah, that's what they always say.

We have barley water in the foyer.

Hello, you up there drinking barley water.

Mini mouse.

The old lady.

All right.

That's what she sounded like.

He's right.

Thanks very much.

Yeah, she sounded like that.

Mr.

Hanky.

Sorry.

Were you one sip, one sip, one sip?

No, I'd go chug barley water, probably have a good glug of the VDC, D V D C.

Yeah, then I'd sip the Keir Royale like

a classy, classy lady.

That's what I do.

But you're not going back and forth between the drinks.

You're doing one at a time.

I might dip back into the VDC.

It's hard to say.

Do you know?

It depends what my mood is.

Yeah.

Are you talking to the bar person?

Yeah, probably.

We're just having a little bit of chat and he's probably like, oh my God, she's the most polite person I've ever had in my bar.

Yeah, yeah.

That sort of thing.

Do you pride yourself on that?

Yeah, I do.

Try really hard.

Do you do that?

I try really hard to be polite.

Yeah.

But like overly, to like...

It's annoying, right?

Yeah, that sort of thing.

Do you tidy up in hotel rooms?

No, no.

Oh, when I leave, I try to tidy up so they think I'm the best guest they've ever had.

Do you?

Yeah.

Normally we start with still a sparkling water.

After your free drinks, are you having a still of sparkling water?

Yeah, why not?

In for a penny?

In for a spending a penny.

Are we changing location?

For still and sparkling water.

I don't think there's anything.

Well, I guess we're we're in the main in the restaurant now.

In the restaurant.

Because I thought we were in the Langham Bar for the Dream Restaurant.

And we've not yet gone to the Dream Restaurant.

Okay, so we're going...

Okay, fine.

Then we're going to the Dream Restaurant.

And yeah, we've moved.

You know, Jose down, Bermsey Street?

Yes.

So I used to live just off Bermsey Street.

Quite cool.

Cool, great place to live.

Jose was our little local that we would go to too much.

And I love it.

And it's my favourite restaurant in London.

So I'm going there.

That's where I'm going for my first little bit.

Amazing.

Are you sitting at the bar there?

Because you can sit at the bar there.

You can sit at the bar.

You can sit anywhere sort of perchy there because it's very small and they don't take reservations.

Stand by a barrel.

Stand by a barrel.

I would like to sit down though.

Yeah, I don't even understand.

I'm sure it's very trendy and traditionally Spanish, but I'm not standing next to a barrel while I eat.

I mean, I could cope with it.

I could have a barley water on a barrel, but I don't want to, you know, I don't want to have a ham on.

Yeah, come on now.

Yeah.

Have some to coffee.

Barley water, barley water.

A lot of us comedians will do that process in our heads.

Huh?

I'm enjoying them working out.

Yeah, yeah.

People like seeing them working out now.

How the sausages are made.

Yeah.

And the barley water sausages are made.

Yeah.

That's my...

My tour show, my tour show is called How the Sausage is Made.

It probably will be something you do, no.

Just me thinking out loud

how to put the joke together.

Someone heckles.

No, it's not that one.

No, you can't heckle at this one.

Yeah.

Don't heckle at this one.

That was the last one.

Those rolls are over.

Motherfucker.

This is how the sausage is made.

So you just have to instill the sparkling is the question on your perch.

Do you want to pop a perch like a budgie?

No, I've had too much VDC, so I'll fall off.

If I'm just by myself, I'll probably just go for tap because I'm humble.

But if I'm with anyone else, I'll probably go for sparkling.

I feel like sparkling is more of an occasion.

So if you're with someone else, but is that because it's an occasion or is that because you are trying to project an image of someone who likes sparkling water?

No, I think it's because it's more of an occasion.

It feels like, wow, because I'd never have sparkling water at home.

I'm like, wow, this is an event.

Is your husband still with you then?

At this point, yeah, he can stay with me.

Yeah, yeah, he's all right.

So, you're doing it for them,

just for the occasion, I think.

But it sounds like you're in the same place either way.

If they're not there, you're getting the tap.

But

it's not an occasion if I'm by myself, it's just me having me having some dinner, a bit of tea.

I love eating out alone.

Do you?

Yeah, that's an occasion.

That is an occasion.

Would you go to a fancy restaurant by yourself?

Yeah, I have done many times.

I've never gone to a fancy restaurant by myself.

Fantastic.

Although I did get to a nice hotel, actually.

Actually, I did.

I had a gig on Friday night in a fancy hotel.

And I did.

I had some nice salmon and a Keir Royale by myself next to the pianist.

And how did that feel?

Next to the pianist.

Yeah, next to the pianist.

Were you talking to the pianist?

No, he was busy working.

Yeah, he was playing away, going like, someone stinks a fish.

Where's that coming from?

Why is she sitting on my stool?

Where's that coming from?

Why is she perching on the piano?

Looked inside, just grand piano, you're there.

Chugging barley water.

Okay, so you have got someone with you, so you're having the sparkled water.

It's an occasion.

Yeah, why not?

We're doing that.

And you've got nothing in the sparkling water?

It's just...

Well, if I've got some barley water in my bag, I suppose I could top it off.

I love that.

So you're still in the barley train?

I'll do that at home sometimes if I've got like a bit of, yeah, like a can of soda water or something.

In summer, put a bit of ice in there.

So we say it's in your bag?

Yeah.

If you've got the bottle in there, or one of those little squeezy pouches.

I don't think they do that with barley water.

They're not very familiar with it.

You've obviously looked into that.

Well, yeah, I've never seen it and I'm very familiar with the squash aisles.

Thank you very much.

You can microdose with that.

Yeah.

What they're right in your mouth.

Yeah.

Or eye drops or whatever you want to do.

However you want to do it.

It isn't an eye dropper, basically, isn't it?

You could basically do an eyedropper with double strength, like, yeah, fruit and barley.

Like Hunter West Thompson would do that.

Yeah.

Wow.

I could.

If it was made now for him and loavin' in Las Vegas, it'd be like,

got the barley water and I dropped it in my eyes.

Can't do the voice.

No.

Give it a go.

No.

I got shy.

I got shy.

I got shy on that one.

Pop-doms or bread.

Pop-doms or bread, Ellie Taylor.

Pop-doms or bread.

I am going to say bread because I think pop-a-doms are weird unless you're in a pop-a-dom

situation.

Pop-a-dom situation.

Yeah.

Yeah, yeah.

Good name for an Indian restaurant, though.

Yeah.

The pop-adom situation.

I love a pop-adom situation, don't get me wrong, but I don't think there's room for that in just sort of a bread-based scenario.

Okay.

Yeah.

I want some nice, like, French bread.

I want it to be warm and I want a lot of salty, salty butter.

Also, I would like, I've just decided this, some olive oil and some balsamic vinegar to dippy dip.

I want both options there.

Lovely.

You've only just decided that, though.

Yeah, I just did that in the spray of the moment.

On the way here, you weren't thinking.

No, I wasn't.

It's just coming.

No.

What happened?

What changed?

Extreme restaurants.

Do you know what I mean?

It just changes, it changes everything.

Change how you feel.

Yeah,

it's parasitic.

Paris, I say.

Yeah.

Peripatetic.

Yeah.

Blast about that VDC.

Yeah.

VDC does sound like you're ill.

It sounds like you've got something wrong with you.

Arguably, you are if you order that as a drink and then I have to be.

It's because it starts with VD, right?

Yes.

It's because it starts with VD.

I've never noticed that.

I couldn't put my finger it's true that.

But yeah, you saying,

I've got this V D C and all this.

I'm like,

this doesn't feel like an occasion anymore.

Oh, it does to me.

Yeah.

It's still an occasion.

It's not a happy one.

Yeah, yeah.

It's not the happiest of occasions.

Not when you're bringing in.

Is it a genital disease?

Yeah, yeah.

I think, I think, yeah, it's sexually transmitted.

Venereal venereal disease.

Venereal.

Yeah, you don't really hear the term venereal as often as you can.

It's fun.

Or peripatetic.

Yeah.

No, yeah, both of them.

I've never heard that.

I've heard the other one plenty of times.

I was being bawdy.

Yeah.

When you say French bread, French bread.

Baguette.

Yeah.

We've got to ask you if you go and get a baguette from a bakery in Paris and then you're walking home with it, you're biting the top off of it on the way home.

Obviously, I am.

You got to nod.

You got to nibble the knob.

Yeah, you've got to nibble the knob.

If you don't, I can't imagine.

That's a real personality type if you don't, isn't it?

Like, I just

resist.

Is it even restraint?

Because I don't think anyone has the level of restraint where you don't bite the top off.

No one normal.

So it must just be people who just, it doesn't occur to them.

Yeah.

And then what the fuck is wrong with those people?

God knows.

Yeah.

Yeah, don't trust them.

Yeah, yeah.

Your character in Ted Lasso biting the knob off or whatever it was, whatever you said.

Yeah.

It wasn't biting the knob off.

Well, she might, who knows?

Because she would, if she got the baguette from the bakery.

Yeah, because she would.

I think anyone would.

Yeah.

Not anyone, though.

Some very restrained people.

I think they've got to be in the minority

and they're probably psychopaths.

They're not worth knowing, really.

No,

no.

Would you do it if you were just in like an English supermarket and you bought a baguette for lunch?

No, I don't know, because like quite often they're not like warm or they don't have that hot look.

They're really soft at the top.

No.

But also, like, that, then I just feel like a little kid in the trolley eating the food on the way around the supermarket.

Don't you always feel like that, though?

Yeah, but also.

In your heart, you're the little kid in the trolley.

Yeah, but I don't think I was ever allowed to do that.

I was never allowed to eat

the stuff on the way around.

I do that now if I'm shopping.

A bit hungry.

Oh, I just threw in the packet, Chris.

Who's pushing the trolley?

I'll do it 100.

Oh, so you're pushing with one hundred.

I'll put you in the seat.

You're not in the seat, scooting, using your legs to scoot along.

So what you said?

Like Fred Flint.

Oh, right, yeah.

Now you could do that now.

Like a centaur.

Yeah.

Half human, half trolley.

Yeah, as a back part as a trolley.

That's a character, Nani, I was missing, isn't it?

Wow.

Yeah.

Walk around grazing and just chuck the food over its shoulder into the trolley.

Yeah, every time.

That's a good idea for a character, man.

Go on stage.

That's my next tour.

How the sausage is made, but I've got a trolley on the back half.

I'm all fine up with that.

With How the Sausage is Made, you would have come up with that character during the show.

Yeah.

Yeah.

It's kind of like a centaur.

But back half says, I've got a trolley and you could do like a finger.

Benito, can you go get a trolley, please?

Yeah, you are there.

Yeah, you're there on the tour.

Don't protest that.

Your dream starter.

Unless there's another hack coming our way.

Well, I suppose,

well, is all of the items being cheese and ham-based?

Is that a hack?

No.

That's not a hack.

But it's pretty cool.

Yeah, it's very cool.

I respect it hugely.

I'm so on board with it.

So I want croquetas from,

that's the only way you can say it, from Jose.

Yes.

I want jamon croquetas.

Yes.

I also want jamon.

I also, but I don't like, because Jose is Spanish, I don't really rate Spanish cheeses.

There, I've said it, but I do like a French cheese.

So I'd like some comptee on the side.

I also just have I said just ham on by itself, yes,

I'll say it again.

And I also want, and I only thought of this recently when I was thinking, what do I really love?

And I have lovely memories as a kid of going to TJI Fridays for like a birthday or something, and you get the potato skins with cheese and ham in.

Yeah, and I want those too.

I fucking love those.

Oh my god, they're so delicious.

Why don't you do that, James?

I made too many of them as a when I was working in kitchens.

I

people fucking order them all the time.

Because they're delicious.

Yeah, yeah, sure.

But I hated making them.

I hated putting the cold ham into the.

Also, when you see the cold potato skins, you'll never want to go near them again.

They're fucking gross.

And then you put the cold ham in it, put the cheese on it, and put it under the grill.

And the whole thing is just like really rank when it's cold.

So I'm just put off ever eating it, even when it's warm.

You've seen it.

The sausages are made, James.

Oh, man.

She's done.

It's all coming back.

I haven't seen other sausages made.

I know you can't eat it.

Oh, no.

Horrible.

But delicious as a punter.

It's delicious.

Is this the best?

Burn the roof of your mouth off with them every time?

Yes, it is.

Doesn't sound good.

Yeah, it is.

It's part of it.

It's part of it.

Burn the roof of your mouth off.

Yeah.

Same with croquette.

Croquettas.

And I also want with croquettas.

I'm enjoying it.

Yeah, you are.

That's what I've got.

I want some lovely garlic, some yummy aioli with it, something, a soft sauce.

But I want a good sauce to croquettas ratio.

Yeah.

I don't like it when they're stingy.

And also, I want them to take a note of how many people are at the table and give me a number that I can divide.

Do you know what I I mean?

Do not give me three when there's two of us.

Yes.

That drives me mad.

Yeah, yeah.

Yeah.

Let's make that a law.

It should be a law.

Thanks, Darma.

If you're listening,

I think it's out of order when there's four of you and they're bringing three along.

It's ridiculous.

Absolutely very ridiculous.

It's like something, and I'm sorry, Ed,

you probably don't want to hear this.

You want some time away from it, but it's like something the producers of the traitors would put into the game to divide people and turn them against each other.

The croquette.

Let's send them three when there's four of them.

Yeah, yeah.

And see their true colours come out and they'll start turning on each other.

There we go.

That's the next series of the trouble.

And then like the tap ass rules.

The next big question.

The tapass.

They've got it that

welcome to the tapass.

I just think there's nothing more pathetic when there's like three of you and you have to, oh, should we chop this one into three?

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

No one wants that.

Everyone wants it.

Yeah.

But you do need to, there needs to be a ruling though.

Oh, you can't.

With what's happening to that last scrub.

Because if you just went for it,

I'd think about that forever.

If someone just said that, you can't chop it into three.

the ruling needs to be you two share that one and then the next thing that comes okay if there's a division issue then i get priority that's nice and we're all having a nice time

i like to just say this that person just gets it just just give it to someone else anyone but me oh really because too awkward for you to have it i just i just can't be bothered with the whole conversation just give it to that person right or can we shout out being adults just order another portion oh that's blown my mind right what big man we're grown-ups big man we can do that if if we want.

We could actually do that, can we?

Yeah.

But sometimes you don't want a whole portion.

You just want one extra one for the.

I beg your pardon.

Okay.

You've never seen a kid.

You never seen a kid go, should we get another portion?

Yeah.

Because we're grown-ups.

Kids can't go, anyone else who are just getting another portion.

Let's just get another portion.

Should we get a few bits?

Let's just get another portion.

Let's kids move to the table.

Imagine that.

Imagine having a kid that was like, you've got kids.

Imagine one of the kids that you go out as a family.

And one of the kids turns to you and goes, should we get another portion?

You know what?

You'd be like, what?

I would love that.

I would love it or put them up for adoption.

I don't know which one it would be.

No, you would love that, Ed.

What, if, if, if suddenly

my kid went, should we get something for the tape?

You would be delighted.

Let's put this one up for adoption.

When they say things that you don't expect, I found a video of my daughter on my phone, she's six, and she was just sort of doing a report to the camera.

This is me at home with mummy and daddy.

And she and she sort of went, and it's going to be Saturday.

And I love all my friends.

And then she paused and went, stay connected, peeps.

and then did a little so that's good, isn't it?

It makes you laugh, but they all watch YouTube too much.

She doesn't watch YouTube, so I don't know where she's got that from.

I was talking to some friends, and their kid, like every time they get hold of their mum's phone, just walks around making like YouTube videos, even though they're not going to be uploaded anywhere.

Right.

And they did one like sneaking into their dad's room where he like builds Lego and stuff, this guy.

And the kid was actually like, It was like this, okay, people, here we are.

And at one point, he went, Oh my god, I don't shit my ass.

our friend's kid she she did a um she did a put on her potty and then turned to her dad and went present in there for you

that's amazing that's not true how old is that how old's the kid

he must have laughed at that yeah yeah yeah of course present in there for you amazing

my favorite thing my daughter said when she was about three there was a firework that went off and she looked at me and went excuse you mummy

good stuff.

Funny in the name Jay's got my friend.

Yeah, this is a good idea.

All right, well, maybe if I had a kid who went, do you get another portion for the table?

Yeah.

I'd be on board.

I don't think, if we're being realistic, I don't think Ed could have any other type of kid.

Who did, yeah?

Ed's

kid would definitely turn out like that.

Your kid's a picky eater if you had them and they were really picky.

Hello adoption.

Okay.

Weren't you a picky eater as a kid?

No.

You would.

You only have stuff from the adults menu.

Do you want stuff from the kids' menu?

That's not picky.

That's the opposite of picky.

Were you like, like mummy can i have some muscles yeah oh my god really yeah yeah yeah yes he would order the picker's basket he was very very strict about what he had a picker's basket from the brasserie from the browser it's a picker's basket it was um like a sharing platter of starters and that's what i'd have for my main

it's my favourite piggy

like a tiny kid a picker's basket yeah yeah

my favourite mozzarella sticks jalapeno poppers

oh my god all in a lovely picker's basket yeah my my kids are quite boring with food.

But then some of their friends will be like,

you know, in their pack lunches, we'll have olives.

And I'm like, what?

Have you got olives?

I don't even like olives.

I think olives are disgusting.

Really?

Disgusting.

If they come with my Kier Royale, I'll throw them at the barman.

He will not think I'm the most polite.

Yeah, I thought you were supposed to be the most polite.

Well, when it comes to olives.

All your good work out the window.

Yeah.

Gone.

Yeah, I think they're absolutely.

She was so lovely.

And then she lobbed a whole bottle of olives at my head.

After a double vodka and Coke and a Kier Royale, she really turns.

That sounds nice.

I like all of this.

Quite a lot of sacrilege against Spanish cheese though I noticed.

When I say I don't like Spanish cheese I can only think of manchego.

Yeah which is a gorgeous cheese.

I don't like it.

Well you said comte.

Comte is basically manchego with a beret.

No.

Comte's well much creamier.

Mantego is sort of a bit flaky.

Can be flaky.

Can have a little bit of bite to it.

No, I love manchego, but I do prefer comte.

Thank you.

How many months age do you want your comte to be?

24.

Nice, big total.

That's a big boy shit.

It's two years.

Yeah.

My no.

Yeah.

Nina Comte.

My new.

The cheese ventriloquist act.

Yeah, cheese and triggers.

So she just brings out cheeses.

It just speaks to the cheeses.

Is this part of how the sausage is made?

Yeah, okay.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Model it out in real time.

It's a finale.

Nina Comte is great.

Nina Comte, be a good character.

Be a good one.

Just talk to different cheeses.

What voice would the comptee have, do you think?

Well, I guess we'd have to be a French like

Zauta la, Nina.

You have had me in that

sack for so long.

James is moving his lips.

James is moving his lips more than he normally does when he talks, by the way.

What?

You're not really trying to do the Venturilla quest thing, are you?

Oh, yeah, that's

his ventrillo.

Can you try that?

A French accent without moving my lips.

Yeah.

Do the hand.

The hand might help.

There you go.

Nina.

Ah, so de la.

je compompas.

Hang on, there's never been a venture liquid who has a dummy who doesn't understand

the person.

It's the end of the act.

Jeanne Compon pas.

All right, see you later.

If the dummy's like, I understand what you're saying, mate.

We can't have a conversation.

Forget it.

Yeah.

Okay, hopefully, I have more luck with it from Jego Papa.

Hola!

You know how everything's a subscription now?

Music, movies, even socks.

I swear of it.

To continue this ad, please upgrade to premium plus platinum.

Uh, what?

No, anyway, Blue Apron.

This is a pay-per-listen ad.

Please confirm your billing.

Oh, that's annoying.

At least with the new Blue Apron, there's no subscription needed.

Get delicious meals delivered without the weekly plan.

Wait, no subscription?

Keep the flavor.

Ditch the subscription.

Get 20% off your first two orders with code APREN20.

Terms and conditions apply.

Visit blueapron.com/slash terms for more.

We all know that feeling.

You finally manage to get away on vacation, and the worrying starts.

Will that bogus beware of dogs sign keep your homes safe?

What about that fake camera you set up?

And will someone finally find your old hide and key rock?

That's where ADT comes in.

All that stuff?

It's safe-ish.

It seems fine when you don't really think about it, but you know it truly doesn't work.

Instead, ADT provides security solutions that keep you actually safe, giving you real peace of mind.

Because vacation is supposed to be, you know, relaxing.

Don't settle for safe fish.

Visit ADT.com today to learn more.

It's Stock Up September at Whole Foods Market.

Find sales on supplements to power up for busy weeks.

Plus, pack your pantry with pasta, sauce, and more everyday essentials.

Enjoy quick breakfast for less with 365 by Whole Foods Market seasonal coffee and oatmeal.

Grab ready-to-heat meals that are perfect for the office and save on versatile no antibiotics ever chicken breasts stock up now at whole foods market in store and online

main course then yeah and that's quite a lot for your startup but you're sharing it i'm sharing it i'm sharing it you know you've still got a room now main I would say that my favorite cuisine in the world is Italian.

I love Italian food.

However, I don't think I've ever been to an Italian restaurant and had a pasta that I thought was better than we could have made at home.

Really?

Which is

when I think about it, controversial.

Do you know what I mean?

I love, when we make a good pasta at home, it's so tasty and delicious.

I really appreciate it.

But when I go to a restaurant, quite often, I'll be like, I mean, it's okay.

Yeah, yeah.

I don't think I've ever been blown away by a pasta.

Are you making

fresh pasta at home?

Very rarely, but I have done.

But no, fresh pasta, sure.

But the sauce or whatever,

I think

spot on.

I agree.

I suppose it is peasants' food, really, so it should be.

This is a problem I had with when I went to Rome.

I was like, Are you kidding me?

This is all fine, it's fine.

This is fine.

Sorry, like I've really hyped it up in my head.

Oh, here we go.

Now I'm gonna have pasta.

Yeah, I mean, that's not as good as if actually, not even as good as Torizo broccoli pasta.

Is that your mum?

Is that my mum?

Teresa.

You said

Torito broccoli pasta.

Teresa's broccoli.

Teresa's broccoli.

Teresa's broccoli pasta.

I know, that's a nice shout out to his mum, Teresa.

Shout out Teresa.

Shout out to Teresa.

The best broccoli pasta in the world.

Teresa's broccoli pasta, the best.

Obviously, from my point of view, there, I'd said Teresa broccoli pasta, and you'd gone, is that your mum?

Like a

bump?

No.

It's because James says that so much, mentions Teresa broccoli pasta so much that he does not enunciate when he says it anymore.

No, it's Dr.

One Marvel.

I don't enunciate when I say a lot of stuff.

It's a miracle.

This is my job.

I mean, you enunciated better when you were doing Nina Commente.

well you got it

you got it that's the that's the mark of a good venture look at yeah theresa's broccoli pasta is james's favorite pasta

yeah yeah but it's not my mum's theresa may

theresa may makes it for me makes the we don't agree on a lot of issues but she makes a banging broccoli pasta i've never had chorizo broccoli pasta delicious the best pasta in the world james ate it every day of lockdown yeah yeah yeah it wasn't good for me And definitely, if you look at any footage of me popping up on TV shows around that time, you can tell.

Oh, okay.

That was the chorizo, yes.

Yeah, yeah.

He's got green hair.

I've got green hair.

I've got a big, oily, meaty face.

We all did in lockdown, I think.

Don't worry.

I'm not, yeah.

No shy phone of myself, you know.

Well, my pasta isn't Torio broccoli, but it is.

It's my husband's, the first like pasta sauce that he made me.

He's called Phil.

It's called Phil's Special Sauce.

What?

Yeah, you heard it.

Yeah, you heard that.

He called it that.

Yeah.

Oh.

Still married him.

How long have you been together for?

Not long.

When he said that?

Yeah, it feels special sauce.

It must be really delicious.

To cope with that name.

To cope with that name.

Yeah, it is.

And it's super basic as well.

And he called it that before you'd eaten it.

I can't remember the timeline.

Or even worse, did you say I really like this?

And then he got all his chest all puffed out and he went.

He retrofitted it.

Oh, do you want special sauces?

Oily.

It's not great.

But it's so good, James.

Yeah.

It's so good.

Yeah, it's all, I mean, all it is is like tomato meat, veggie yumminess, but it's so tasty, it's so delicious with loads and loads and loads of parmesan on top.

So tomatoes, special sauce.

I don't even know what's in it.

He doesn't tell you.

No, just let him cook it.

I think that's essential for any marriage.

Well, not to know what

actually.

Not to know what's in the special sauce.

You've got to have something that the other one loves, but they cannot get it without you.

Oh, that's actually.

Yeah.

Why are they love?

i think that's right james that's important yeah

he

he knows that if you leave him you're never getting that special sauce again and he knows that you know that yeah we all know that so he's he's got you yeah he's snared me you've got to have it he's got you're married yeah do you have a thing that you got something yeah do you send me because otherwise you're in trouble man

does she make something for you no she doesn't cook oh i'm the cook oh okay crikey he's the cookie is the cook i croak i'm the cook i'm not cook no no no you know i am the cook

she does like DOI and stuff.

Oh, does she?

There you go.

So she, okay.

She's got that.

She's got me.

So she got you.

Yeah.

But I got

to think, okay, you got each other.

So there you go.

What have you got over your husband?

I've got quite good teeth.

Yeah.

So he's going to miss those.

He's going to miss those teeth.

No, it's choppers.

Do people think you were teeth on Master Singer?

People are guessing a lot of different comedians for that.

They are, it's true.

I guessed you.

I was watching it with my sister's family.

I went, Ellie Taylor.

And they went, what?

She fucking bent over.

teeth was very short.

Thank you.

Thanks for

clarifying that.

Maybe it was the Masseuse from the Langham.

It was the Masseuse from the Langham.

If you haven't seen it, it was Mel Gedgoy.

But I was like, could be Ellie Taylor.

And they were like, look at Teeth next to Joel.

You've seen Ellie Taylor with Joel.

Sure.

That's not Ellie Taylor.

No.

Unless that would have been part of the costume bending down.

Yeah.

Yeah, but I've

not

fucked your backup for however long just for the sake of Mars Singer.

I don't know.

To impress Davina McCall, I'd do many things.

I'd bend over for Davina McCall.

Thank you for finishing the sentence, even though you got halfway through it and realized what was happening.

We saw in the new year watching you and Joel on TV.

Oh, on Gladiators.

Yeah.

How did it feel to defeat a nice lady who just wanted to prove that 50-year-olds could do things still?

I think she said she was 55, actually.

She said, I want to prove that women in their 50s can still do this.

And then you absolutely obliterated her how did that how did that feel

i didn't obliterate her i just was taller so it was a bit easier at the end for me but showed no mercy i mean yeah it was like i won but also she is 15 years older than me so exactly a fair fight but she's super fit to be fair she's mentioned who i did it against yeah she's like oh she does triathlons and all that malarkey so you agree that you were you were essentially the baddie of that episode though you were like wolf no

yeah you were like wolf you're the new wolf no i had had a baby eight months before so i was a physically.

Oh, yeah, and you did say that at the top.

Yeah.

That was your thing.

Yeah.

So it was like, look, yeah, she's doing it.

Got a pity story, don't you?

Yeah, she's doing it for that, but I'm doing it to show.

That's my angle.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

After you've had a kid, you can do this kind of stuff.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

I love gladiators, man.

Really?

Did you watch it this weekend?

No.

Oh, really good eliminator.

Really good eliminator.

Someone go up it backwards?

No.

When is that going to happen, man?

When there's the next celebrity gladiators and you're on it.

Yeah.

I'll go up.

I'll go up.

I could do it.

I'll go up eliminator backwards.

Or the travelator backwards.

Yeah.

Yeah.

You could do the whole eliminator.

Because I've heard it's a long record.

That puts me on.

Oh my god, it's the longest record known to humanity.

It was so long.

That's why I'm not going to do it.

Yeah.

You could do the whole of the eliminator course, not backwards, but from the end.

Start.

So climb through that.

Up the rope, through the rope.

Smash through the paper.

Go down.

Down the travelator.

That's super easy.

Much better.

Yeah.

Oh, yeah.

Zip line.

That's where that's true.

That's a tricky one, isn't it?

Yeah.

That's where you are really.

You're going to have a big push-off at the bottom.

What What is this man course that we've gone so often?

Phil's special sauce.

Phil's special sauce.

Is he going to be in the kitchen then making it Phil?

Um, yeah, unless he's in the restaurant and he's bought like a Tupperware for them to heat up.

I don't come on, Annie.

This is your dream.

Okay, fine.

Your husband can't get a Tupperware out of his bag.

Maybe that's your dream.

Maybe I'm into that.

No,

you can't be in a restaurant with your husband and he calls over a waiter, gets a Tupperware pot out of his bag and says, This is my special sauce.

My wife would like it.

Can you heat it up for

So body temperature, please.

Yeah.

Okay, fine.

He's in the kitchen, but he's got chef's whites on.

Yeah.

Why not?

That sounds nice.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Yeah.

What type of pasta is it?

Big fat rigatoni.

Yeah.

That's an unfortunate hand action I'm doing with

special sauce, isn't it?

It's not ideal.

Yeah.

It's not ideal at all.

You better hope that's not the bit that Benito clips up.

I think most of the listeners would have imagined the right thing that you've done with your your hand there.

Yeah.

And then anyone who didn't, it says more about them.

Yeah.

And they probably wouldn't eat the knob on the French bread, would they?

No, they probably wouldn't.

Or they just don't know what rigatoni is.

So like they've just heard that and been like got it confused in their head of what kind of pastor it is.

And they're like, they think it's the bow tie one.

So they think you're doing that.

Yeah.

Which is awful.

Or the food.

And then they're like, that poor man.

Yeah.

This is what noise do different pastors make.

Oh, yeah.

That's a good.

So, what noise does rigatoni make?

I think that's too small.

I think that's too small.

Don't do the hand gesture with it, Ellie.

Ellie, Ellie.

I've literally got my eyes closed for the first time on the podcast because I can't look at you doing that.

I did that willingly as well.

Yeah, you did.

Oh my god.

Your dream side dish.

My dream side dish.

Well,

I love breakfast cereal.

And where's this going?

I love where this is going.

And I think it would be remiss not to have some breakfast cereal, obviously, with my dream dinner.

Also, is it like, I was like, is it a dream dinner or is it, what's the difference between your dream dinner and the meal you have before they execute you?

Does that give you different choices?

I mean, I don't think it would be different choices necessarily.

Because if it's like, I don't know if you're like, if it was more desperate and the last scent, would you be more feral?

Because I feel like new,

oh my God, I nearly gave it away.

Having my cereal as a side dish is quite feral, a feral choice.

I guess it would be feral.

If I was going death row meal, I guess it would be more feral than a lovely occasion dinner.

Where you're just filling your face.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

It's mainly just the mood for me that changes.

You know, I think every now and again in my death row meal, I'm going to think, oh, I'm going to be dead.

And what you're wearing, I guess, as well.

Yeah, I'll probably jump on it.

I don't have much of a say in it for the day.

I guess it's more of an emotion.

You're emotionally eating when you're about to be killed.

Okay, thanks for clarifying.

Yeah, different thoughts in your head.

Fine.

Who's going to look after Mr.

Jingles?

But also, I think I've often thought about this.

I would eat something quite sort of noxious at my last meal if I was on death row.

Because

if I'm being on the electric chair, I'm going to end up evacuating my bowels.

And I'd quite like

them to clear it up.

Yeah, revenge on the guards.

Revenge on the guards.

Oh, yeah.

Lots of lentils.

Definitely revenge on the guards.

I am, yeah, my side dish is I love breakfast cereal.

My favourite breakfast cereal of all time doesn't exist anymore.

It was Kellogg's start.

Do you remember Kellogg's start?

I love this.

Yes.

And I haven't thought about it in ages.

And I agree with you.

Yes.

It is brilliant.

It's the best.

The best.

I don't think I remember what it was.

So it was sort of like a honeycomb.

Oh, this is great.

Like three, it looked like some kind of sciencey, I don't know, like...

It was like three honeycomb-y bits together.

Right.

And it was like malty and delicious.

There was always like a swimmer on the packet because it was meant to make you really strong.

Right, okay, yeah, yeah.

It's full of sugar.

And they stopped doing it a few, well, quite a few years ago now, I think.

But there is, my husband's Australian, so we go to Australia quite a lot.

There is a similar cereal in Australia called Neutragrain, not like the biscuits.

Yeah, there's a cereal called Neutragrain over there, and it's very, the taste is very similar.

Different shape, James, though.

Oh, I don't know if that changes it for you, but it's like an oblong.

Oh, still with like the honeycomb.

I know what you mean.

I could get on board of it.

And it's absolutely incredible.

And it's my favourite.

And I want that just to nibble on on the side.

I don't know why finding out that your husband's Australian makes Phil's special sauce even with the accent.

Yeah, it's worse, isn't it?

It's worse, but also I'm not surprised now.

That's all falling into place.

Yeah, with all due respect to our Australian listeners, I'm not surprised that he's done that and so openly called it that so early in a relationship.

Brazenly just brought that into it.

More charming, maybe?

I don't know.

Who knows?

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

More expected.

I guess you knew what you'd signed up for.

I do.

Somebody said it, you're like, okay,

well, I knew that was going to happen at some point.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

He's going to say that.

So do you want Neutrograin or do you want the Genie to bring back Kellogg's start for you?

Wow.

Because you can do that.

Yeah, I would love it to be readily available in a free supermarket.

Yeah, Genie, please.

Yeah, I mean, I've never been happier to use my genie powers.

I think, like, bringing Kellogg's start back, I would always forget how delicious it was because it looks boring.

And it would, I think the main reason it's not on the shelves anymore is because of the marketing.

It sounds like swimmers.

I assumed it was like a

health cereal.

It's not.

Yes, there it is from Benito there.

Oh, yeah.

There's sort of people made of milk doing sports on it.

Yeah, sports.

It makes you sporty.

Yeah, it says multi-grain start.

It looks boring.

But the milk has come to life.

It's a little start for active people.

Yeah, the milk has come to life and is running around like sportsmen and stuff.

And like, it doesn't look like it's going to be fun.

It looks like

like a brown flake scenario.

So it's not, it's delicious.

If you, if you,

if your parents had bought that and put it in the house when you were a kid, you'd be like, mum, yeah, not Kellogg's start.

Yeah.

Well, I want the monkey.

Yeah, I want the monkey.

I think I always preferred start to the monkey.

I've always been obsessed with cereal.

So, yeah, I think I got through a lot of, well, the monkey got through a lot of the monkey

and a lot of start.

And also, I love fruit and fibre.

Do you?

Yeah.

Which is so pathetically boring, isn't it?

But I've done, I like, personal best, probably got through a packet in like 24 hours wow brutal yeah i can i i went through a fruit and fibre phase because you do feel virtuous but it is also so sugary and yummy those little raisins yeah they're pesky they're a treat yeah you um ever add raisins to the fruit and fibre add more raisins yeah yeah i've done it you've added more more raisins

with my bowl of fruit and fibre why it's put it's full of raisins that's what i put the ratio not enough for me i've added raisins to like wheatabix yeah yeah fair enough bit of fun yeah it's great add anything to Wheatabix.

Yeah.

That's why it's king of cereals.

No.

Have you ever had Wheatabix like dry with like a yeah?

Yeah, I visited the Wheatabix factory and a man made me eat a load of dry wheatabigs one after the other for his own amusement.

That's on YouTube.

How many did you eat?

I had like a few in a row, but they were at different phases of the making process.

So some of them weren't even what you'd get in the box.

It was like not fully baked yet.

And he was just doing it for his own.

He just realised that I would do whatever he told me to do.

So he just kept on going, why don't you try that one?

We had not discussed it before.

Yeah.

So I'd do it every time.

Fine.

Right.

Okay.

Because the driest mouth I've ever had in my life.

Yeah, I mean, when I say dry, I mean like you can put it, you know, put like butter on it.

Oh, yeah.

No, I've not done that.

I'm traumatised from that experience.

Fine, fine.

But you do that on weight books.

Yeah, you can put like butter and jam.

Jam on top.

You can use it like a sort of, I suppose, it's a bread substitution, yeah.

If you, if you wanted to.

If you wanted to, I guess you could do anything with it.

You look like you're going to do it.

Yeah, I mean, that sounds good.

No, he's not.

I'm not.

No, he's not.

No, I'll just have a bit of bread.

What about people who put like golden syrup on yorkshire puddings would you ever do that

yeah i don't know if you use up some yorkshire puddings you can make them because i suppose they're like pancake batter aren't they so they can be they can they can go either way game changer i've never had sweet yorkshire puddings before i love it put some golden syrup on top adding glitter to a turd that's what i call that do you like yorkshire puddings

what

they're rubbish They're boring.

I actually don't like anything battery like that.

I'm not really a pancake guy.

Oh my God.

Yeah.

Oh my God.

Yorkshire puddings.

Are the best this is what i'm putting up with every week my other choice for main course i was thinking of what i used to dream about at university me and my friends used to have conversations about a yorkshire pudding that was the size of a jacuzzi and we would fill it with gravy yeah and peas

be like the sight yeah we're in it you're in it you're in it and then you're eating them yeah and you'd nibble around the side there'd be peas that'll like be apples floating around you'd be there'd be brunch there'd be plenty of stuff floating around you we would have had a shower beforehand yeah it still doesn't make a difference if you get in there just stop it's it's it's the dream

you're get in with other people?

Yeah, but they're clean.

You can't guarantee that.

Okay, can I guess?

Also, your students.

Someone's got a double vodka.

Someone's got a.

Yeah.

I've got a PGC in one hand.

A pea the size of an apple in the other.

Oh, heaven.

But I love Yorkshire puddings.

No, I find them boring.

Maybe your gravy you're having isn't good enough because they are really a metal for the gravy.

Yeah, exactly.

Well, use them to absorb more gravy.

No, I'll just drink the gravy.

I don't mind that.

I feel so passionate about this and I didn't realise.

a lot of people do this is the way he antagonizes a lot of people a lot of listeners i think he knows what he's doing i think

he's got yorkshire puddings people are passionate about them but i think they represent the lack of ambition in most british people

i'm bearing in mind i mean that's the worst thing he's ever said about them and i'm bearing in mind that like obviously they're named after a specific part of britain yeah yeah he doesn't like he's going after the north north i love yorkshire i think it's fantastic i just think they need to butt their ideas up oh i went to my mum's yesterday for a rose she made beautiful yorkshire puddings and I take umbrage on her part.

She spent eight and they were massive.

And we all looked in the oven and said, Oh, mum, they're really big.

Well done.

And I felt like that was a personal attack on my mother.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Yeah.

Yeah, it was.

My mother, Teresa.

Yeah.

Teresa Taylor.

Mother Teresa.

Mother Teresa.

I don't know it is Mother Teresa, isn't it?

On top of that, I didn't even put that together early.

Me neither.

It's first time I'm hearing that.

We're making the sausage in real time, people.

Do you want to shout out any other cereals before we move on?

Because

curious Curiously Cinnamon.

Yeah.

That's like crack.

Have you ever been curious when you're having it?

Curious about how much of a box I'm allowed to have in one go.

That was a name change that I wasn't on board with.

Cereals do a lot of name changes.

For some reason, it seems to be the food stuff that does the most amount of name changing.

That's true.

And Cinnamon Graham's, great.

Curiously cinnamon, I was like, do I have to call it that now?

Yeah, yeah.

I've got to say curious.

I was like a bowl of curiously cinnamon.

In conversation, it wouldn't come up, the name.

It happened five seconds ago.

Here's a serial name change for you.

Do you remember toppers?

Oh, yeah.

That turned into frosted wheats.

They were toppers.

Toppers.

Wow.

Wow.

And then they kind of got hip to like.

Yeah, then they just, yeah, then that makes it sound a bit healthy.

Wheats, isn't it?

I'm still not over opal fruits.

Yeah, sure.

Starburst, yeah, yeah.

Have they gone back now, though?

Strabus.

Did they go back?

No, I mean, I think I've said this on the podcast before, but the advert for the name change was like in a science lab, and they had like two monkeys, and they were like holding up different names, and the monkeys were pressing a red button or green button if they liked the new name or not.

All right.

And one of the suggested new names was Jimpy Jumpies.

And so me and my mum have called them Chimpy Jumpies since then.

I wish you would.

Yeah, yeah.

I always love hearing about Editor's mum.

It's a nice relationship.

Yeah, Teresa.

Yeah, Teresa.

Teresa gambles.

And like, always lovely.

Yeah, yeah.

Jimpy Jumpies, I love it.

Are you going to start calling them that now?

Yeah.

I don't think I say them the words.

No, they don't come up very often, I don't think.

I don't think no one's really buying them.

Maybe if they were called Jimpy Jumpies, we would be buying them and we would be talking about them.

Absolutely, they'd be on your dream menu.

Jimpy Jumpies.

I was saying Jimpy Jumpies.

No, because it was chimps.

Yeah.

Chimps.

It makes perfect sense.

Yeah.

Jimpy Jumpies.

Jimpy Jumpies are what I'm going to call them.

Jimpy Jumpies.

That's going to be my new name.

Jimpy Jumpies.

Yeah, I can be called Jimpy Jumpies.

My next tour.

Yeah.

Jimpy Jumpies.

It's sound sausage.

I've got the shopping trolley on the back of me.

Yeah.

And I'm pulling out the cheese pucketts.

Yeah.

Puppets to Indiana Comptee.

Yeah.

No one would be surprised if that was your next move, I don't think.

Yeah, here's welcome to stage, Jimpy Jumpy.

Oh, God, Chucking the Bosch shopping behind me.

Pulling cheese out of the shopping trolley.

Yeah,

please, welcome to stage.

And you need a compete.

Straight back in the trolley.

Oh, well.

Easy come, easy go.

What milk are you putting on this cereal?

If indeed you are.

Yeah, you almost made up that you weren't having.

No, I wasn't, but I suppose I would like some milk to be available.

I'm happy to nibble on it as a snack.

Yeah.

It was a cruise day.

Yeah.

But yeah, I mean, if we're going to have milk, I'd like some really cold, whole.

I love that.

I want some beefy milk on there.

Whole cow.

Yeah.

Do you sometimes go into places where

they want you to say what type of milk?

And sometimes they lead it and will say cow milk or...

beef milk.

Some places do that.

Do they actually say beef milk?

There are places that do that to try and hammer it home.

Fair enough.

Do you go along with that?

Or do you have to?

I've never had that.

I've never had that.

Yeah.

And I don't know how I would react in that situation.

Yeah.

I don't, I might throw the olives in their faces as well.

So you just got we're not giving you any olives.

Okay.

Because we know what you're going to do with the olives, regardless.

So dream.

Yes,

let me have my olives.

Just throw a bowl of olives at a human being.

Why not?

Gotta let her do it.

Let me live for God's sake.

Dream, drink.

Drink.

Done drinks.

You're done drinks in the beginning, but

for your meal.

Oh.

You could have a.

We could give you a drink.

Do you want that to just be it?

You can just be it.

Don't push extra fluids on you.

I would like a drink to go

with my pudding.

Oh, that's great.

So I'll happily just coast along with what I'm having.

If I am having, I suppose, it's Phil's special sauce.

I'll probably have to have a bit of wine with it, red wine, so he thinks I'm a grown-up because I'll put down my Vokadi Coke.

Why do you need him to think you're a grown-up?

He's calling it Phil's special sauce.

You don't need this man to think you're a grown-up.

He's walking around the kitchen wearing songs.

Our Australian listeners will know what

everyone else.

Sorry for the image.

Double thumbs.

Was that funny when you started dating an Australian and differences in the language, picking each other up on stuff?

Yeah, still love it now.

Still love it now.

I found out the last trip we went to that in a kid's play park, they call a slide the slippery dip.

That's just how adorable is that!

Slippery dip and a water fountain, a bubbler.

Can I have a drink from the bubble?

I feel like Phil's making stuff up.

Sure, can you imagine?

Yeah, can you imagine

all of its bullshit?

Now, my sister lives over there as well, no, and she's married to.

We both married Aussie men, really.

I talk about this in the talk.

It's weird, isn't it?

Yeah, very, very weird.

Like, we'd some people watch neighbours as a bit of light relief, and we've gone, well, that's a husband, anyway.

Maybe it's just so formative for you, neighbours.

We both gone for

Aussies.

Who's your favourite character on Neighbours?

Fancying wise, probably Billy Kennedy.

And then Funny Wise.

So Google that.

Billy Kennedy.

Billy Kennedy.

He went into a big show.

House.

Oh, yes, it was that, wasn't it?

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Huh?

House.

Living house.

Oh, I think I know who you mean.

Libby and oh, what was the other?

Billy Kennedy.

Libby Kennedy.

Oh, no, I don't know who Austin was.

Was it Brad?

It wasn't Brad.

Brad was nearby.

It wasn't Brad, wasn't it?

It was a remaining Philippe type.

Oh, actually, yeah, that's kind of good call, actually.

Yeah.

Yeah, I love neighbours.

Aussies.

That's what we're talking about.

What?

What stories were there about that guy, Billy Kennedy?

What were his storylines?

Yeah, what was the best word?

I was too busy trying to work out how I could make one my husband.

How did you make one, your husband?

Oh, I found him in London.

There's loads of them, if you look in the right places, loads of them lurking around.

Yeah.

Earl's Court.

Yeah.

Yeah.

That was like their hub, wasn't it, for a while at Earl's Court?

In the bars.

I welcome them.

Yeah.

I thought your husband's name was Earl and you caught him.

You know his name's not Earl.

It's not Earl's special source, is it?

Does that sound better?

Yeah.

Yeah.

Raw Regal.

Ever watch My Name is Earl?

No.

Crazy Show.

Why does every recipe I try need 18 ingredients, including a jar of something paste I'll never use again, but will sit in my fridge for nine months?

I just want dinner in the oven fast.

That's why I love Blue Aprons, new one-pan, assemble, and baked meals.

They send you fresh ingredients that are already chopped.

All you do is put it all together and bake.

That's it.

No chopping, no weird leftovers, just delicious, easy-to-make meals.

Get 20% off your first two orders with code APRAN20.

Terms and conditions apply.

Visit blueapron.com/slash terms for more.

It's Stock Up September at Whole Foods Market.

Find sales on supplements to power up for busy weeks.

Plus, pack your pantry with pasta, sauce, and more everyday essentials.

Enjoy quick breakfast for less with 365 by Whole Foods Market seasonal coffee and oatmeal.

Grab ready-to-heat meals that are perfect for the office and save on versatile no antibiotics ever chicken breasts.

Suck up now at Whole Foods Market, in-store and online.

Okay, well, I guess we're moving straight to the dessert and to get this dessert drink.

And

what's quite nice as well, if I may say, with the cereal as a side dish is it's almost acting as a bridging force through the main.

My palate's changing.

We're moving onwards.

Yeah.

Yes.

So my pudding is, well, one of my puddings is actually a drink, but I don't class this as the drink.

This is separate.

So I want a chocolate milkshake from a place in Sydney, the boathouse at Shelley Beach, which is our favorite little beach that we go to when we're there.

And it's the most beautiful location.

And actually, yeah, we're there now because it's peripatetic.

We're there.

We're in Shelley Beach.

And it's a beautiful little beach.

There's loads of amazing houses that are right by the cliffs.

There's loads of bush turkeys that wander around the beach, which are what?

Bush turkeys?

Yeah.

Is that what he's told you that chickens are called?

They're just pigeons, aren't they?

Just pigeons.

We call those bush pigeons.

Wow.

Can't believe you still back and ball under this shit.

For the listener, Ed did that without moving his lips.

And yeah, the chocolate milk takes lovely.

And the kids' ones come in a glass that's in the shape of a bear.

So I'm going to have a kid's one because that's fun.

That's nice.

That's really fun.

Is the bear in a pose of of any sort just like just sort of standing being ready to be used as a vessel I guess if it's a glass you can't really have too too much of a pose on can you a teddy bear or grizzly

not grizzly yeah not on grizzly bear really terrifying for the kids yeah yeah grizzly roaring just well grizzly man ever see that documentary that's what is that where he goes in the bear oh that's the reverend he does go in the bear that's the reverend

he still goes in the bear yeah

because he gets eaten yeah oh okay bear eats him but in real life it's not my dad still thinks grizzly man is not real.

Thinks

it's fake, and we've all fallen for it.

After we watched it, he was like, You seriously believe that documentary?

I was like, Yeah, that's real.

That happened.

He was like, It's not real.

Everyone's actors in that.

That's fake.

I can't believe you've fallen for it.

The bear is an actor.

Yeah, goes online.

Can't believe everyone believes this documentary.

It's so clearly fake.

It's like, dad, the guy, Timothy Treadwell, is a real man.

He got eaten by a bear.

No, he didn't.

That's an actor playing him for a life.

Everyone's fallen for this.

This is ridiculous.

What proof does your dad need?

No.

Oh, yeah, I don't think anything can prove it to him.

He's just convinced it's a fake documentary, and we're all idiots for believing that Timothy Treadwell was a real person.

Well, if you want a hill to die on, it's a fun one, isn't it?

Yeah, yeah.

It's more harmless than mud.

Is this a thick milkshake?

Yeah.

Just getting it back on track.

Yeah, yeah.

I'd go thick milkshake.

Yeah, yeah.

Thick milkshake.

That's okay.

Not a thin one.

Ice cream milkshake?

Yeah.

Yeah.

I don't know what's in it, to be fair, but it's bloody lovely.

You want to have to give it some welly to get it out of the glass, don't you?

You're really going for it.

And they put chocolate around the, they squirt chocolate sauce around the inside of the bear okay back to bears sorry and then yeah it's really delicious delicious delicious that sounds good and there's cream on the top no no creamy yeah they know it speaks for itself yeah yeah i love it i really love a milkshake yeah so i'm having that we're on shelley beach we're looking out it's lovely but i also i want some looking at the bush turkeys pigeons but i also want some pudding yeah obviously so i want um some tiramisu lovely i love tiramisu whenever there's tiramisu on the menu i'll have it it's my baked lasser i have to i have to if it's on the menu gotta get it.

Where's your favourite tiramisu from?

I can't even think.

I don't think I've ever met a bad tiramisu.

I made quite a nice one myself.

Yeah, yeah.

Made one with Bailey's before.

Wow.

The Italians would hate that, wouldn't they?

You've already slammed off their pasta, so I think you're all right.

Yeah, fair enough.

Yeah, delish, want that.

I also want an honorable mention here for some Betty Crocker icing in a just in a pot.

Yeah, I know the stuff.

Oh, yeah.

Just with a spoon.

The forbidden yogurt.

Oh, God.

That's like worse than Steve's special sauce.

Steve's touching yogurt.

I still get involved with my pasta.

I can't remember this guy's name.

So L Steve, something like that.

L'Deve.

Yeah.

The forbidden yogurt.

The forbidding.

The forbidden yogurt.

It's the same as that.

Yeah.

Oh, my God.

Yeah, it's the most delicious thing, and I will happily.

The thing is, you can get it in to make some brownies or something.

You always have to buy two because I know realistically, be true to yourself, Ellie.

It's not going to make it out.

Yeah.

It's going straight down with a spoon.

It's so good.

Because it's thickened and even like Nutella or something.

It's honestly the best

tasting thing I've ever had in my life.

Well, it's got to be on your menu then.

You can't have it as an honourable mention.

But I also wanted to have tiramisu.

Yeah, I'll put it as a little side pot for you.

I don't want a little one.

Okay, a big side pot.

Do you have a little side pot?

Do you have a side dish?

A dessert side dish of the Betty Crocker.

That's what I want.

Yeah.

It could be blended into the milkshake if you wanted.

Oh, God, I could drink it.

Yeah, why not?

Let's do it.

Chuck it in.

Wow.

Chuck it in.

And it goes.

And I also want with my pudding a yorkshire biscuit tea have you had have you had chats about this before no i i've heard i've heard of it but could you please enlighten our listeners so it's yorkshire tea we all know and love this

probably doesn't so it's it's biscuit it's like infused with like a biscuit flavor but not it's not sweet it's like a rich tea has been dunked in it yeah that's let to like marinate and it's really malty and just delicious and very like wholesome and warming and lovely that sounds good yeah did sound gross when you described it.

Yeah, it does, but it's not.

But like,

I get what you mean.

It's like infused with the flavour.

Yeah.

They do a jam and jam and toast one as well, which I don't like.

That's too much.

Does that taste like jam and toast?

It does, but it's not, it doesn't do it for me.

You don't want to sip jam and toast.

No, I tried it, but no, I'm a purist.

So Yorkshire tea, and I carry that around in, I carry it in a Tupperware with me.

to make sure because it's like ruined every other cup of tea if you're in a restaurant obviously like loose two tea bags in a tupperware and a tupperware you haven't got like a made tea in a tupperware no

sort

it's next to the tupperware fill special source obviously um i carry around two tupperwares at all times yeah don't mix them up yeah that's that's that's what i want to finish with because after dinner after like main after savoury food is finished i don't want an alcoholic drink i'm done even if it's a sweet alcoholic drink no i'm done okay it's over

it's you're going home yeah no i don't necessarily want to go home but in the restaurant i I just want a tea or a mint tea sometimes.

Okay.

But definitely not.

I can't imagine wine with my dessert, for instance.

But you've got, what about a little whiskey or something?

No.

What about an espresso martinis?

Don't like coffee.

And especially a biscuit tea martini.

I hate to break it to you, but Tirimasu is full of the stuff.

I know.

Isn't that weird?

It's the only coffee thing that I like.

Yeah, yeah.

But I don't like an espresso martini.

But it doesn't taste like, I mean, it doesn't taste like

chocolate's creamy yum yums.

Coffee.

It's got the coffee sort of flavour to it, but it's not like a cup of coffee.

It's not giving you a buzz.

No.

i shouted out a specific tu and masu on the podcast yeah at a place called core c-or in bristol yeah well i'd gone in and they did tu and masu but instead of sponge fingers they'd used panettone it tastes like christmas pudding tuim masu wow it's one of the best things i've ever eaten and then the next day my tour manager went to get it because i'd talked about it so much and they were like oh that was just for yesterday oh so then i came on the podcast was like everyone get over there bully them into putting it on the menu just trying to do that

it worked oh is it back on yeah my tour manager went back and later he said it's back on there now.

And they didn't confirm it was definitely me because I bullied them.

You think it is?

Yeah, it was.

I bullied them into doing it.

Shout out to the Tiramasu at Scoff as well, obviously.

Delicious.

In Manchester.

Yeah.

That's a very good Turamasuous.

Is that kind of hook, or is that just a pure one?

It's a pure Tiramasu.

There's a lovely personal story behind it.

It is genuinely the best Tiramasu I've ever had.

What makes it so great?

I think he might put coffee in the cream.

He'd never tell us.

He'd never tell us.

He's like, it's at the end, and it's at the end of like an amazing tasting menu.

Yeah.

Oh, right.

So you're there for like hours just enjoying this incredible food.

And then he comes out at the end and Tiramasu.

How many courses are on the tasting menu?

It's like 14 or something.

Oh, my God.

It's a lot.

Yeah.

And then you look at the Timamasu and you think, oh, surely we can't manage it.

And that's how, you know, something is so delicious.

Because you still want to give it a go.

That your body doesn't even feel full anymore.

Well, we just want to eat this Tim Masu.

We went there on New Year's Eve.

So normally they come over and give you like a spoonful in a little bowl from the main thing.

We went there on New Year's Eve even you brought a whole one over oh my god and went there you go guys happy new year do your worst and no one was expecting us to do that and you did it they're all stood in the kitchen going they're never going to do that i say we did it this guy took on the lion's share i'd imagine you're my hero me and amy and that really went to tier on that to him so don't mind if we two and a do

that's a milton jones joke yeah which to be fair his daughter wrote for him

also just before i read the menu back to you who was betty crocker some american lady who liked cakes.

Do we think she's real?

I think she's real.

Yeah.

Yeah, I reckon.

Is she real, Ben?

Branded fictional character.

She's a name, yeah.

I've bought into that brand.

We just ruined that for you, like Santa Claus.

Well, it's your dream.

It's your dream.

It's real now.

She's a little old American lady.

Yeah, just massage.

Asha?

She's got something wrong with her mouth.

Teeth don't fit, probably.

I like this.

I like Betty Crocker.

She's very friendly, dear.

I'm going to read your reading back to you now, see how you feel about it.

You want pre-drinks at the Langham?

Yep.

Double vodka and Diet Coke.

Robinsonly.

DVDC.

Thank you.

Thank you.

Robinson's fruit and barley, orange.

Thank you.

And a Key of Royale, because you're keeping it classy.

Yes.

Then you would like sparkling water, which are going to be squirting those barley water pouches into it that we've just invented.

Cobblums of bread, warm baguette with salted butter and olive oil and vinegar.

Yes.

Starter.

Some of your lovely enunciation again then.

starter.

It's the Compte reading, that's what.

Yeah, this is Nina Compte.

We're getting the menu back.

I do appreciate that.

Starter.

Jam on Coquettas.

Oh, no, come on.

Huh?

Jam on Croquettas sounds like you're putting jam on.

Jam.

Jam on toast.

No.

Come on.

Come on, James.

Back of the throat.

There we go.

Coquettas.

Very nice.

With Aioli from Josie.

Oh, God.

This is going to take ages.

And And you would like jam on as well and it's like

Nina Compty cheese and potato skins with cheese and ham in it.

Yeah.

Mate.

Rigatone with

Phil's special sauce.

Really bad.

And then it's perfect noise.

Side dish, Kellogg start

with some cold whole milk, which I'm imagining it being on the side and you add it if you want to.

Yeah, that's fair.

Dessert.

We have a chocolate milkshake from the boathouse on Shelley Beach.

Yep.

With Betty Crocker's icing in it.

Yeah.

A tim and masseu, could be from anywhere because you love it.

And a Yorkshire biscuit tea.

Done.

I'm proud of that.

I feel good.

I'm happy and I'm hungry.

Yeah.

That does sound nice.

Yes.

And I do agree with the bridge thing with the cereal, I think.

Yeah.

I think it's a lovely move.

Thank you.

Cereal move.

Did you ever go to the cereal bar that they opened?

Remember when they opened that in London and everyone absolutely kicked off and hated them for it?

Brick Lane.

Yeah, cereal bar, cereal cafe.

Cereal killers.

Cereal killers.

It was high school.

Cereal killer cafe.

culture gone mad.

Everyone was absolutely furious.

Oh, they died.

I did.

Yeah.

What did you have in the cereal killer cafe when you went?

Oh, I think like a cocktail of like American stuff that I couldn't get over here.

You mixed them?

Yeah.

Oh, yeah.

I always mix my cereal.

Nice.

What's your favourite mix to do at home?

It's all quite wheat-based at home, I'd say.

So sort of shreddies, fruit and fibre, maybe some oats.

I mean, boring, but I don't care.

I really like it.

You know, keeps you regular.

Do you know what I mean?

Fun.

Your house is like clockwork.

And that's what I like.

If I come home from a gig, good gig, bad gig, massive bowl of cereal with loads of sugar.

That's good.

I don't tend to like, I don't have a VDC.

I have a big bowl of Shreddies.

And you put the sugar on top of it.

You don't get frosted shreddies.

No, I don't.

Although I do love frosted shreddies.

They are sensational.

They are fantastic, actually.

What's your number one cereal?

I get the boring ones now all the time.

But when I was a kid, you know,

first week of the month, if you go with mum and dad on the big shop,

you get to to choose a special cereal.

Yeah, when it's gone, it's gone.

That's what we were told.

Love it.

You get one box of it, when it's gone, it's gone.

Love that.

I would get crave.

I'd go for

it with the chocolate inside.

It's basically got crockery ice in it.

Inside the little pockets of whatever.

I don't know what

crop that

pockets are.

You're cracking into the pockets.

You're looking out the middle and you're throwing away the pockets, right?

Yeah, yeah.

That's my motto.

But yeah, I'd go for the crave.

And this is how much of a sugar-addicted family we were.

Cookie Crisp, which is essentially got a fucking picture of a wolf on the front.

Yeah.

You've been glad it is.

Because of like how insane it turned to a cartoon wolf.

Because it's basically just a bowl of cookies.

Yeah, and there is like a wolf going insane, like they do in the cartoon.

It's a cartoon wolf that's like howling.

You know, like they do in the cartoons when our character sees like a sexy lady and then they turn into a wolf and start howling.

That was like the wolf of the top.

That's what you did when you saw the cereal, right?

Yeah.

I only do it when I see cereal.

Yeah, his tongue unraveled.

Yeah, I got unraveled.

I smacked myself on the head with a mallet.

All that stuff.

Well, that sounds delicious, Ellie.

That's fantastic, Ellie.

That sounds very good.

Thank you so much for coming to the Dream Restaurant, Ellie.

Thank you so much for having me.

There we are, James.

Wow.

Rogue.

Rogue.

Went rogue a few times there.

Cereal side dish.

Multiple desserts.

Yeah, I think, yeah, both into that.

Yeah, I'm absolutely happy with that.

No Pavlova, even though there were multiple desserts.

Yeah,

you're thinking, surely she's going to pick Pavlova at some point.

She said there's a few of these.

I was like, we're in trouble here.

Because Pavlova's a popular dish.

Yes.

Obviously, everyone should go and see Palavering.

Palavering starts in April.

Ellie TaylorComedy.com for tickets.

Go along and see it.

It is bound to be a fantastic show.

James.

Yeah.

Is it by?

Huh?

Is it by now?

Oh, are we saying goodbye now?

I don't know.

Have we done everything?

Benito's crazy.

He'd start as if we'd done Pavlova or not.

Yeah.

We did did it.

That's the main thing we've done.

You're crazy.

Benito's zoning out because he hates us.

Yeah, well, who can blame him?

It's been a long time.

It's been a long, old few years.

Goodbye, everyone.

Goodbye, everyone.

Hello, I'm Carrie Add.

I'm Sarah.

And we are the Weirdos Book Club podcast.

We are doing a very special live show as part of the London Podcast Festival.

The date is Thursday, 11th of September.

The time is 7pm.

And our special guest is the brilliant Alan Davies.

Tickets from kingsplace.co.uk.

Single ladies is coming to London.

True on Saturday, the 13th of September.

At the London Podcast Festival.

The rumours are true Saturday, the 13th of September at King's Place.

Oh, that sounds like a date to me, Harriet.