Ep 275: Harris Dickinson

Hello, it's Ed Gamble here from the Off Menu Podcast.

Hello, it's James A.

Caster here from the Off Menu Podcast.

And before the episode starts, we'd like to talk to you about All Our Relations, a non-profit co-founded by your friend of mine, comedian Jen Brister, and Georgia Takax.

Yes, All Our Relations was originally started to support 15 families in Gaza when the genocide started, but now supports 21 families and funds several mutual aid projects, including two seven-day food kitchens and two mobile food parcel delivery schemes, as well, feeding hundreds of families in Gaza every single day.

They've created an absolutely amazing thing.

And we feel like, you know, it's the off-menu podcast.

We talk about food and we are very lucky to eat wonderful food and have access to absolutely brilliant food all of the time.

And I think we need to talk about people who have access to no food, James.

Absolutely.

So if people would like to donate, please go to allourrelations.co.uk or look at the links in Jen Brister's bio on Instagram.

Every penny raised go to supporting people in Gaza.

Thank you so much and enjoy the episode.

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Sucks, the new musical has made Tony award-winning history on Broadway.

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Welcome to the Off-Menu podcast, taking the risotto rice of conversation, shaping it into balls of friendship, coating in the breadcrumbs of humor, and deep-frying in the oil of the internet.

It's an Arancini cast, James.

I thought it was going to go risotto.

Yeah.

Because risotto rice.

And then it turns out you're doing Arancini.

I should have said just risotto, really, and that would have given you more of a clue rather than risotto rice.

That was clever, though.

Yeah, thanks, man.

That said, Gamble.

He's very clever.

My name is James A.

Caster.

Together we own a dream restaurant, and every single week we're inviting a guest, and we ask them their favourite ever-star and main course dessert, cider, shan, drink, not in that order.

And this week, our guest is Harris Dickinson.

Harris Dickinson, a wonderful actor, James.

Yes, a wonderful actor to kick off the news series.

The new series.

May New Episode 1.

We love Harris Dickinson.

I'm probably going to fanboy out a little bit because there's a lot of films that he's done in recent years.

Triangle of Sadness, Scrapper, Iron Claw.

Love Iron Claw.

Baby Girl I saw just last night.

I mean, very excited to have him on and ask him about all of these films,

if I may, in amongst the food chat, yes, but yeah, he's one of our finest actors, absolutely, and he's uh it's gonna go from strength to strength for him, I think.

Yes, yeah, this is this is the thing now that's we're old industry heads, we can spot we can we can spot a future megastar when they've already become big, yeah, when they're already in huge films that do very well.

We're pretty good at it, but listen, we love Harrison.

Meskall was nothing when we had him on, huh?

Meskall was nothing, yeah.

Meskull,

he hadn't even been nominated for an Oscar yet, yeah, exactly.

He'd just won a BAFTA, unfortunately.

Now, listen, if Harris picks the secret ingredient, an ingredient which we deem to be unacceptable, and we've pre-agreed on it, then we will kick Harris out of the dream restaurant with a heavy heart.

And today, the secret ingredient is

Baby Bell.

He's in Baby Girl, which is in cinemas now.

Yeah.

If you say

baby girl quick enough,

someone might go, did you just say baby bell?

Yeah,

cover ticket to a baby bell.

To a baby girl, please.

I want a ticket to a baby girl.

You want a baby bell?

This is a cinema, sir.

This is not a stupid market.

If you want

little individually wax-coated cheeses.

There's never a situation where you'd ask for a baby bell, I don't think.

You're picking it up off a shelf or you've got it in your house.

You're getting that little net bag of them.

Yeah.

That weird little neck bag.

Maybe if you're at home and...

the person you live with goes to the kitchen, you might go, oh, while you're in there, grab me a baby bell.

you wouldn't grab me a baby bell will you even if they're in the other room you wouldn't ask someone to grab you a baby bell bring it in oh get us a baby bell i love that advert when we were kids when it would like it was rolling away from the person yeah bouncing off it looked so great how it bounced i was like that looks delicious even though it's still in the wax and it's bouncing on the floor even though it had a little personality yeah yeah yeah yeah it made me want to eat it it reminds me of the film uh rubber rubber yeah or flubber rubber no rubber oh the tire that kills people yeah i went to see that uh in Birmingham, I remember.

At the cinema that's near where they put you up in the glee for the glee club.

I mean, not all of you are going to understand what I mean.

A very exciting way to kick off the new series, though, Ed.

I'm very excited about this series.

Yes, me too.

We should get into it.

Okay.

This is the off-menu menu of Harris Dickinson.

Welcome, Harris, to the Dream Restaurant.

Thank you.

Welcome, Harris Dickinson, to the Dream Restaurant.

We've been to you for some time.

Very loud, genie, this morning.

Very lovely.

Maintained eye contact for the whole thing.

Yeah.

I don't have to do that.

That was full on.

A little bit uncomfortable for me.

I looked you right in the eye when I was doing that.

Yeah.

Thanks, mate.

So nice to be here, guys.

Thank you.

It's lovely to have you here.

May I get a few things out the way before we begin?

We'd love you to.

Yeah.

Firstly,

deeply grateful to be here.

I'm a big fan and I did ask to come on this full transparency because

I like it and I like you guys, but also I have

some apologies to make, so to speak, or some air to clear with you, Ed.

Oh, really?

Yes.

Oh, wow.

Well, this is great.

And we got beef and I didn't realise.

No, it's not beef.

It's sort of just a lie on my part.

Years ago, I don't know if you remember,

you were doing stand-up at...

Up the creek.

Yes, many times.

Done that.

Yeah, many times.

Or maybe you weren't doing it.

You were like in between introducing what's that called like I'm seeing like compairing.

One of the best compares in the bit.

I used to compare up the creek a lot.

So this all checks out.

So this all checks out the butcher for that.

And so I went, you know, just plodded along with a mate.

Yeah.

There I am, you know, having a good time.

Yeah.

This normally ends with me calling someone a paedophile.

It's along those lines.

No, you you picked me out and you asked, you were like, you there, chap, what do you do?

And I probably.

You wouldn't have said chap.

you would have said something like that.

You would have said, this fine gentleman here on the fuckbar.

You said, you there, peasant boy.

No, you said, hey, mate, what do you do?

I said, oh,

I panicked.

And I said, I work at the Jammy Dodger factory.

Oh, God.

And I would have taught you a new one for saying that.

You did, you did, you did.

But I think I had a little bit of conviction because you said, okay, well, all right.

And I went on a bit of a story and you believed it.

Yeah, yeah.

Maybe you did, maybe you didn't.

And then after,

you went off and then you came back on and you said, so Harris,

where is the Jammy Dodger Factory?

And I said,

it's just outside of London.

You said, oh, well, that's convenient because it's in Wales, you liar.

You went away.

Googled it.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

I would have done.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

So you had me.

Yeah, got you.

I mean, this is it.

You should know by now, if you're researching a role, you need to do the full.

So I just want to apologise, really, for my lack of research

and lying.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

That's good.

Wow.

I don't remember that particular incident, but that all checked me out.

I want you to apologise.

I'm sorry for not leaving you alone just to have a nice evening and enjoy yourself and back you into a corner and have to say you work in the Jammy Dodger factory.

Thanks, man.

So you didn't want to say actor to him because then he definitely was like,

yeah.

Yeah, yeah, get you for that.

If you went to Jamie Dodger factory, surely that's funny.

And also,

it was a long time ago and I hadn't really worked yet.

So I didn't want to be like actor.

You know, I've got a lot of fun.

I'm not going to work in a hotel.

I would have torn you apart if you'd said actor as well.

Yeah.

What you been in, mate?

Yeah, exactly.

Yeah.

Nothing.

Maybe that's the first time that one of us has spoke to an audience member and then that audience member has ended up on our podcast.

That's insane when you think about it.

Yeah, I think so.

That's crazy.

This is somebody who said to you, I worked at the Jamie Dodger factory.

You went off, researched it, went back on to shamed them, ruined their night.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Yeah.

Got in their head for years.

It's taken me years to get over it.

What's great about this is now you're a very successful actor with a number of lead roles in brilliant films and I'm doing Up the Creek next week.

But it's a great venue.

It's good.

It's a good venue.

Yeah, it's a really good venue.

No, but you were lovely.

You were great, Joseph.

Just to clarify,

I'm glad I wasn't too mean.

You was very nice.

You can be very mean.

I'm sorry.

Yeah.

I'm sorry about that.

But at least you said Jamie Dodder.

You kept it.

You kept it on food, you know, straight away.

You were Jammy Dodger.

Yeah.

That's like, do you like Jammy Dodgers?

I think I said to you, you said, what do you do there?

I said, I put the jam in the Dodger.

Yeah.

Yeah, that's good stuff.

I would have enjoyed that.

Okay.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Come on.

You can't be angry about that.

Why are you so mean to people?

I wasn't.

It's clear that we had quite a fun chance.

I was horrible in that story.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

You come off really badly.

Yeah, come on.

You were cool, man.

You were cool.

You were cool.

He put the jam in the Dodger.

Yeah.

That's fun.

That is fun.

That's a noble job.

It was a comedy night, mate.

You weren't there to have fun and you're destroying him, I weren't.

Yeah, I know.

I would have been

funny or something.

I'm sorry.

You're getting stuck up, up hung up on geography

it must be fun to roast people yeah

now and again for him now and again he loves it you love it I've seen you do it well too

I never roast

the thing is if I roast someone I come off stage and go what a great night if he writes someone he comes off stage he goes oh I'm depressed yeah I do what do you do you sort of lay in laying bed thinking about it

do you not lay around

I go home on the train going like man that was a human being what the fuck is your problem what are you doing mate they deserve that and i don't see them as human beings.

No, he doesn't.

He goes home and he just see them as little dollies for my pleasure.

He does.

Speaking of seeing people as dollies for your pleasure, baby girl is out there.

No, that's not what it's about.

It's a brilliant film.

I saw it last night.

Benito went to see it as well.

And has already told you that when the certificate came up on the screen, it said there'd be sex in it.

The whole cinema whooped.

I think people know about this film anyway, because everyone's talking about it.

Everyone's very excited about this film.

I don't know how much to say about it because I don't want to give stuff away or get into like, also, it's not really what we normally talk about in the podcast, is sex.

No.

No.

But I think what's interesting about the film is, and the way that our director Helena has chosen to tell the story is that it's not an explicit film.

It really isn't.

And it explores sex and power dynamics and what it means to really,

you know, hold your desires so close that liberation is so far away.

Like with Nicole's character and my character, we meet each other in an office.

I'm an intern.

she's the CEO of this company and what's so interesting is that we get to see two people like performing a little bit with each other and figuring out their roles in a strange sort of dynamic and

you know I don't know what it is whether it's a relationship or an affair but I think

the comedy was always important to it because it's like awkward and embarrassing to to play into these roles during sex.

I like it for that reason.

I like that the most erotic thing is probably the milk or the, you know, it's not the actual sex scenes, which I think we've seen enough of in film, like these sort of perfectly erotic sex scenes shot in a very sensual way.

You know, I think if anything, the film counters that a little bit.

You know.

Do you know what the milk's about, Ed?

No, I don't know what the milk's about.

I've not seen it yet.

Sorry, Harry.

So it's, yeah, I mean, he asks Nicole to drink milk, is there?

Well, he sends it over in a bar.

Sends it over.

Yeah, yeah.

She's there.

There's loads of colleagues around.

No one knows what's going on.

They haven't even started doing anything yet.

This guy sends a glass of milk over.

He's just looking at her and she drinks it and he says, good girl.

Afterwards.

Wow.

You worry people are going to start sending you milk now when you're in bars?

When I saw that, I thought, he's going to get milk sent to him.

Do people do milk in bars, though?

Is that a common...

They'll bring milk along with them.

They'll bring it to white Russians.

They know you're there.

That's true.

There's always milk kicking around.

That's true.

I'm more worried people are going to start sending you Jammy Dodgers in bars, to be honest.

Bring them on.

Both.

Dunk on them.

Bring them on.

Duncan.

Yeah, perfect.

Right.

Yeah.

do you want during your dream meal?

We can send some milk over to you.

No, thank you.

You don't want that?

No, thank you.

It seems like you'd like a glass of milk.

I'd love one.

You're a real milk drinker, I reckon.

I had a glass of milk yesterday, though.

It was before the film.

I want to point that out.

But he was looking horrified.

Yeah, adult man, you should not be drinking a glass of milk.

What are you talking about?

Good for you.

Little mummy's boy.

Not sucking on my mummy's teeth.

But that's what it represents.

It does not represent that.

Boils down.

Does not represent when you really dig down into it.

Having milk does not represent sucking on your mummy's teeth.

Yeah, think about it a little bit.

You know what it's like to be on the receipt end of this.

He's shifting the focus on it.

Yeah, sure.

He's converted.

Just normal milk.

Semi-skimmed.

I had glasses semi-skimmed yesterday.

And then I went to see the film.

I wouldn't have had it after the film.

Yeah, people are asking me about the milk.

Yeah, I don't know, man.

What do you say?

It's very difficult.

There's strange interactions.

That's the good thing about being an an actor, is that you don't have to tell them anything.

Because you just go, well, that's the film.

Yes, yes, not me.

That's what you make of it.

But people do think that's you.

People think that's you.

As soon as they've watched you in something, they think

your thing is strange to encounter.

I think that's what Nicole Kidman's really good at, is that a lot of the time when I see her in films, she's so convinced as the character, but I don't think that is what she thinks in real life.

Yes.

I don't know why.

There's this separation where I'm like, I think she's just completely playing the role.

And there's almost a part of her that goes for roles that are so far removed from who she is that you can't really confuse them in a way.

I don't know.

That's how I felt watching the Esther.

I wouldn't come away from it going, that's what the cold gets.

I don't think I ever watch any actor and think they believe everything in the film.

The rock?

My girlfriend loves The Rock.

Hey, look.

I love The Rock.

I mean, you know.

Because he believes.

There's a figure of him right there.

There is.

Do you like wrestling?

I love wrestling.

Yeah, me too.

Love the Ironclaw.

Oh, yeah.

My two favourite things, wrestling and unremitting bleakless.

Yes.

Yeah.

Brotherhood.

But just going off what you said about Nicole, she is such a...

She's such a daring actor.

I found...

Even in her body of work, it's obvious that she chooses really risky filmmakers and bold stories.

But

when you do something with her,

she's really prepared to just go to the...

most embarrassing place without fear of judgment of anyone.

Because a film set is, you know, inherently quite embarrassing.

Like, someone described it the other day as it's like a building site, and you have to walk up to the building site and stop everyone, what they're doing, and be like, I'm going to have an act now.

Jack Loudon said it, the actor Jack Loudon said it, I was with him, and he was like, because it's true, you've got all these like grips and cameraman operators and technicians, and you're there, like, I'm going to perform.

And it's like this very like physical environment where, you know, you're stopping everything for a moment and being like, my turn.

stop what you're doing now I'm going to step in and do my thing and then you're sort of sat you know it's really weird and embarrassing but she is just so good at jumping in and and trying stuff so that was a cool experience for me to be a part of that and and force me to also go there were there times where you were thinking do you ever think in scenes like that's the cold kidman yeah yeah yeah yeah i was glad to know that yeah of course yeah i was saying to someone the other day like the first couple of weeks on the production i i really tried to play it cool and professional and you know didn't didn't ask her anything because i was like you know she's trying to do her job i don't want to embarrass her and then i was like wait a minute i was laying in bed one night i was thinking like fucking hell like what you need to ask her every single question like yeah how can you not how can you work with someone like that and not ask so the next day it was like 10 a.m and i was like sound stanley kubrick

i just have to you have to get over it because yeah if you if you get to the end of that process and you've been too polite or too cool you you kick yourself you know working with someone like that but then it's a weird one because it's a mechanism to not be starstruck isn't it to just be like yeah

but then also you meet someone like that or anyone like that you know years ago i worked with angelia jolie and i was like how do i have a normal conversation with this person i was like 22 years old like what the fuck do i ask angelia jolie like so you you've been doing this long or

it's a really difficult thing where you've known someone's work you've grown up watching them and you're then thrust into an environment and you've got to talk to them in a very, you know, professional, you know, normal, like what going to work every day.

It's like, you got any kids?

Or it's like, you know, you know information about them, whether you research them or not, it's just there.

So that's a weird thing.

I don't know if you guys find that when you meet people that you really admire, like how to navigate the sort of interaction.

Like, do you go straight in with something?

We go in with popped-ums or bread normally.

I mean, that's sort of sparking.

That's how we, what we've done is created a podcast and a format to do all of that.

What would you have done if you had said, Nicole Kidman, what's your favourite job you've ever had?

And she said, I worked at the Jammy Dodger factory.

I would have preferred to end.

Yeah,

to put her torn her apart.

Where is that, Nicole?

Yeah.

Just outside of London.

Bullshit is in Wales.

Now I'm going to go and act.

Yeah, that was the impetus for me to go and

really do it.

You're welcome.

We all start with still the sparkling water, Harris.

Yeah.

You have a preference?

I do like sparkling.

Yeah,

that's my bag.

Do you know what?

I did this job years ago, and I had a driver who was lovely, and he was taking me every day.

It was out to one of the studios.

And he loved Sampel.

He was always drinking it.

And he noticed that I liked it.

So he used to buy me a bottle most days.

So I'd get in the car and there'll be a bottle of Sampelle Grino there.

And I got so spoiled, you know, I was like, wow, what a treat.

I said to him,

I can't let you buy this for me.

He said, no, no, no, I'll charge it back to the production.

Don't worry.

We were doing it for months.

So after a while, we got really comfortable.

And his wife started making me this

blesser, this like chaya pudding.

And it was like a healthy, you know, like chaya seeds.

Yeah.

Overnight and they go like squidgy.

And he started making me that.

And he was like this, you know, proper like East End bloke that had kind of converted to like ketogenic diets.

And so he started teaching me about it.

And his wife would make me these puddings.

And

by the end of the job, you know, he would, he would, would,

by the end of it, I sort of was like, I don't really want them anymore.

You know, I wasn't, I wasn't loving them.

Yeah, I wasn't loving them, but I felt rude.

And, and one of the days I was in the makeup trailer with like some bigger actors, like everyone was sharing, all, you know, there was like eight of us in there.

And he knocked on the door and he was like,

Harris, your pudding's in your trailer.

And everyone looked at me like, what the fuck is going on here?

Like, is that your driver?

Like, what's up?

What do you mean, pudding?

And I was like, no, no, it's like a

help.

Yeah, his wife does it, you know.

Tried to get myself out of it.

But that always reminds me of him whenever I see Sparkling.

But yeah.

Well, with the sparkling water, do you want a little cheer pudding?

You can put it in your trailer?

Yeah.

I think I'm all right.

They come together, though.

I think so.

So if you want San Pellegrino, it has to come with a little cheer pudding.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Well, I'd like to know the stats of how many people choose still.

Like, is that a big choice?

I think last time we did the stats, it was pretty much even split.

Was that right?

Yeah.

Oh, it wasn't.

Ben's shaking his head and saying that.

It has been even split.

It has been even split before.

Yeah.

He's got the stats.

He's got the stats.

What do you guys choose?

I choose Stillwater.

Well, no, in our episodes.

Oh, yes.

We did our dream menus a couple of times.

The first time we did it, I chose a pint of Guinness.

Yeah.

We cheated.

We cheated.

Shouldn't that be resolved?

Guinness is very hydrating, is it?

Yeah.

Yeah.

He would drink it after mouth.

He was able to justify it.

Yeah.

Yeah.

I love a Guinness.

He doesn't have the stats.

Ben, why would you say you have the stats when you don't have the stats?

That's a very odd thing to lie about.

You thought they popped on some bread stats, so we can get to them later.

Yeah, we'll get to them.

I am intrigued.

No, I think sparkling, I think, is more popular than

I thought it would be.

Yeah.

It feels like a treat, doesn't it?

I used to work in a hotel and we had the...

Where is the hotel?

In

Edge of East London.

It was a...

No, it's in Wales.

I've just looked it up.

And

we had boxes of Harrogate Springs.

oh yeah, which I don't like.

Sorry, you don't like harrogate springs.

Thank you.

I don't like it.

I hate harrogate springs water.

I don't like it, yeah.

I've got a real issue with it.

It tastes like weird tap water.

Yeah, same.

The sparkling, it's dreadful.

Sorry, guys, but it's, it's just doesn't taste.

Sorry, I had a bad gig in Harrogate once, like, really bad.

It was like going really badly.

It was a tour show.

It was like my first tour.

Yeah.

And I got so angry I started to lagging off the water.

That didn't make it any better.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Your water sucks.

Harrogate Springs is the worst water.

I've had had a go at Harrogate before.

It's just sort of their tea rooms and shit.

Yeah,

it's not a vibe.

We used to have to put them out for weddings and they used to have functions in the,

I was going to say, funeral.

We did have funerals.

And the harrogate was always like something you have to pull out.

It's a very hotel water, actually.

Yeah.

Miserable.

It tastes like they put loads of paper clips in it and then sift the paper clips out.

It's got a sort of metallic taste.

That's interesting, yeah.

Yeah.

Fuck harrogate.

While you're drinking San Pellegrino at your dream mill, do you want us to be chucking like Harrogate Springs like in the bin?

In the bin.

It's quite a nice idea.

You can see us doing that.

That's a nice idea, yeah.

Just getting rid of it all.

Is there something about it that reminds you of that job?

Do you have good memories of that job?

Yes, and no.

I mean, it was like hard work and it was nice people, but the hotel itself was strange and the people that stayed there were strange.

So it it was, yeah, it was mixed.

We used to get a lot of like, so they would put groups of local you know, like security guards that sit in car parks and stuff.

There was like a firm that would train those guys up.

So there would be groups of those guys coming into the hotel and they would get 10 pound allowance for food and drink.

And I would work on the bar.

I mean, I applied to work on the bar.

I ended up working on the bar.

I ended up working in the kitchen.

I ended up delivering room service.

I ended up setting for weddings.

You know, they were really just doing whatever possible.

And these guys, these groups of guys would come in and, and it was quite sad, you know, they would be there on their own, away from home, and it wasn't a nice hotel.

And they would come to the bar and say, oh, can I have a look at the menu?

And I'd give them the pre-organized menu that they were.

And it was like three options.

It was a tenor, and you get a drink.

And some of them would say, can I have chips instead of salad?

And I'd say, no.

And I'd have to tell them, no.

No, mate.

I'd say, if you want that, you have to pay extra.

And they'd go, all right.

And they'd get their coins out.

And they'd say, oh, God.

And then you deliver it in the room.

And they're just sat there on their own.

And they want to chat.

And

it was just odd, you know?

Yeah.

uh, very sad.

So, maybe that's what that's what it brings to mind.

It's like there's no that's the saddest story we've ever had on the podcast.

Sorry,

I don't think we've ever had such a sad story.

I mean, I asked the question, to be fair.

Oh, no,

I like it.

I like that we've got a bit of this podcast can do it all, but that is it's never got sadder than that.

And I used to think I hated Harrogate Springwater,

Harrogate Springwater's gonna make me even sadder now.

Yeah, pop-nobs all bred, pop-nobs or bread, Harris Dickinson, pop-nobs or bread.

Oh, bloody, right?

Well, that went well because James was worried that he can't surprise people anymore.

So, what he did to you, which was quite cruel, is he waited for you to have a sip of your drink.

Yeah, and you were halfway through, and it nearly nearly came out of your mouth.

It did.

Would that be a good film?

Someone who's worried they can't surprise people anymore.

Sounds like a Ben Stiller film.

Yeah.

It's like a liar-liar sequel.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

But now he can't surprise people.

Yeah, it's got a problem.

Or an Adam Sandler film.

Yeah, I'd like to see that with Adam Sandler.

Yeah.

Yeah.

In like a

root.

It's not working though, and he's never surprised anymore.

Or maybe like, yeah, he like, he's like hosts a prank show or something.

Yeah, he would have to have a job that demanded he surprise people.

Or like a children's entertainer.

A magician.

A magician.

Yeah.

Ghost train operator.

Well, if it was a ghost train operator.

Yeah, they have the surprise people.

What's that?

What is that?

A ghost train operator.

What's a ghost train?

What's a ghost train?

This is huge.

I get to start Harris Dickens on what a ghost train is.

You haven't been on a ghost train?

No.

As soon as you start explaining it, I just want to know what you're on about.

All right.

You know, at the fun fair?

Yeah.

You get in a little car and it goes in to

a structure.

Yeah, I do.

I do know.

Yeah.

What do you call it?

There was something loftier that I was unaware of.

No, no, no, no, no.

He made it sound complete.

I was like, I was like, I'm a Polar Express kind of situation.

I was like, I don't know.

Yeah.

He made it sound comical.

Do you call it a ghost train?

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Yeah, the theme book.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Why would you not assume I was talking about a ghost train in a fairground?

Because, like, an operator.

I don't know why.

I just imagined something a bit more like sophisticated that i hadn't experienced right okay i mean maybe the word operator was a bit a bit lofty for uh adam sandler working in a theme park operating the ghost train yeah uh poplars or bread harris poplars of bread i'll do bread i do i'll do bread i do um have you guys been to cafe cecilia yes yes you know the guinea bread yeah can i do that yeah absolutely you can do that dense My girlfriend's gonna be very happy.

It's one of her favourite breads.

That's not got a shout out on the podcast yet.

Is it not?

She loves the Guinness bread at Cafe Cecilia.

Have you had the ice cream cream that they make out of it?

No.

They make ice cream out of the Guinness bread.

Really?

That's out of sight.

I mean, anything that has Guinness in it, I'm ordering it straight away.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

There's a great ingredient in anything.

And I do.

Water, apparently, for this guy.

You took me there.

I took you there.

Did you?

Cafe Cecilia.

James is always so proud of himself when he recommends me somewhere.

Yeah.

Well, normally it's the whole way.

I was huffed up and excited.

So you two sort of had food-offs.

Yeah, we are, really.

We have food-offs.

I bow to the master.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

You know,

Ed's the one who knows all the paper.

Whenever someone says to me, like, you know, oh, you got a food podcast, can you recommend somewhere?

I'm like, yeah, here's Ed Gamble's phone number.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Yeah, you've got to stop doing that.

Ask him, he does.

I've done it with my brother.

My brother recruits for like a lot of the food scene.

And so sometimes I recommend him.

And he's like, okay, I'll have a look at it.

Yeah.

But, you know, really, I'm like, what's good?

You know, it's good.

You know, it's like, yeah, I'll let you know.

It's nerve-wracking giving recommendations to people, though, I think.

Yeah, it is.

Because a lot of people coming from America as well, that always have this view of London as bad food.

And I'm like, well, no, it's good.

And then you feel the pressure of that, you know,

yeah, man, it's hard.

But yeah, Guinness bread with lots of butter, soft butter, you know,

whipped butter.

Yeah, you like the whipped butter, whip it up.

Do you guys ever make bread?

Like, is that a thing you've done?

You know what?

I keep thinking about, oh, I should do it.

I bet that would be really satisfying to make bread.

And then I remember that they sell it everywhere.

You can literally go shop.

You can can go shop.

You can go shopping.

You can go shopping.

Yeah.

And nice bread as well.

What's nice bread for you?

A nice sourdough or just a nice proper baked loaf from a proper bakery.

Yeah.

I live near so many bakeries.

It almost seems rude to make it myself at home.

Yeah.

Disrespectful.

Yeah.

It's like you're saying to them, I could do it.

I could do this.

Yeah.

But the process, maybe?

Maybe there's something.

I'd enjoy the process.

I just love talking about the process.

The process.

Yeah.

Do you bake bread?

No, i don't i don't but similarly i i yeah i i i made a focaccia my my my partner hosted like a henu and i made them a um focaccia in the shape of a heart and it was pathetic

yeah that was pathetic

you don't mind me saying that is you're trying very hard to get the henu to like you yeah yeah yeah well i wasn't there i left i sort of did it and left but it was like a pathetic moment where i was like what i don't fucking know did they this is a low point did they request they didn't request they rose said to me, she said, can you maybe make a bit of that focaccia you did?

Because the focacci is easier, isn't it?

It's just like a bit of a

whole...

And then I don't like it when people you've got to jam your fingers into it.

Yeah.

You something else?

Yeah.

Whatever.

It's too suggestive however.

And they didn't make it to make.

But that was a low moment, yeah, making that.

Did they request it in the shape of a heart?

No, of course they didn't.

I just thought, well, this is, you know, I'm trying to make it fun.

And then I had to leave because

it started in the house and I did it.

And then I'd sort of had to walk around and go out for the afternoon.

I was just thinking, like, this is really sad that I've just done that.

And they're going to also be looking at it thinking, wait, he made that.

Yeah, yeah.

Well,

my girlfriend was in a house share years ago with three other women.

And one of them had just started going out with this guy.

And it was Valentine's Day.

And he came into the living room and he had bought a rose for each one of them, gave them all roses.

And then went out with his girlfriend.

girlfriend.

As soon as he left the house, the other three went, That's a bad guy.

That's wet behaviour.

Yeah, we don't like that guy.

He bought a rose for everyone, everyone gave them all roses.

A single rose, yeah, yeah.

There you go, for each one of them.

And then they were like, Oh, thank you.

As soon as he leaves, yeah, fuck that guy.

At least if it was bread, they could eat that.

That's weird.

Yeah, yeah, that is weird.

Yeah, yeah.

Oh, bless him, though.

No, someone

was a bad egg.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, that guy.

Did he say ladies when he gave them all the roses?

Oh, yeah,

I think he said stuff like that.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

But a rose as beautiful as every one of you.

Like,

a rose beset you.

Everyone deserves a flower on Valentine's Day.

Yeah, something like that.

Oh, but the romance thing is hard because I know that some people do like it.

I don't know if you guys experience, you know, how you navigate that, but some people are into it.

It's some people's, you know, love language, isn't it?

Yeah.

If it's unromantic, it's like, it's not attractive.

But romance comes in many different guises, you know.

For sure.

It has has to feel authentic.

For sure.

Well, this is what your film's about, Harris.

Is it?

Yeah.

It's about when they, you know, it's about knowing what different people are into and being able to do it.

It's true.

It's true.

Yeah.

What works for you?

Yeah.

What your idea of pleasure is.

Yeah, yeah.

How you communicate.

Yeah, you're right.

Not judging.

Yeah, see, I know you took a lot from this thing.

He was focusing.

My only regret is that I sat at the back and I went on my own.

Right.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Not a good look.

Not a good look.

Not a good look.

My girlfriend girlfriend was meant to be coming with me and she was like, oh, I've just remembered I've got to stay in for Ocado.

I was like, Okado, does it?

I was like,

are you fucking kidding me?

That's like an excuse.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

You go on your own, you're dead.

Well, I see it.

I went, saw it, like a little grubby perv.

Come home.

As I'm telling her what the film was about, doorbell rings.

It's a Cardo.

So you're fucking joking.

I went to, you know, Prince Charles?

Yeah.

Yeah.

I went to the Prince Charles Charles first

for listeners who don't live in London.

Yeah.

Paris did not go and see it with Prince Charles.

Where's King Charles now?

King Charles, yeah.

Um, no, I went to that cinema last year with a friend, and we watched a film that was like an extended cut, and it was quite long.

And so I took my shoes off, and I was, you know, that there was no one in front of me, so I was sort of like playing footsie with the chair in front of me, you know, just like plodding it here and there.

And after about half an hour, I thought that my foot was on the chair, but I started to feel a human head.

And so

what I thought was a chair was a human head and it was a bald head.

So my foot was on someone's head and they were on the floor in front of me.

And I got so startled by it that I, you know, I sort of looked over and there was a man laying on the floor

and he scurried away.

And, you know,

his argument, when I said to him, what are you doing?

He said, I was looking for my wallet.

I said, no, no, no, no, no, no, no.

You've been been there for 20 minutes.

You weren't looking for your wallet.

You've been there for a good 20 minutes.

Like, my foot has been on your head for a while.

Like, what the fuck are you doing down there?

That was weird.

That just reminded me, sorry, of this bloke on the phone.

That was a much creepier time than I had.

Isn't that weird?

That is really, very weird.

How'd you explain it?

And then he did leave as well, actually.

That's all on him as well.

You can't feel bad about that.

No.

The fact that?

No.

But what point did he get down there?

How did he get down there?

How did I not see him?

Yeah.

Was he looking for something?

Did he want a foot on his head?

Did he?

I think maybe he wanted a foot on his head.

Maybe he does that.

Maybe he goes there.

But how is he looking for the head?

Looking for the feet.

That's a good way of getting it.

Like, how is he kind of cinemas are good?

I can get on the floor there and people don't know it's my head.

They can give us a seat.

Well, it's the dark, isn't it?

It's like, yeah, but like Batman.

Like Batman.

He moves in the shadows.

Yeah, he moves in the shadows.

He is a version of Batman, yeah.

A Batman who just crawls around.

Grubby Batman.

Yeah, grubby Batman, yeah, yeah.

Dirty Batman.

Yeah.

Was there a lot of...

Was there anyone next to you when you went to watch it?

Or was you

in your own?

Unfortunately, there was two women in front of me, and that didn't do me any favours.

I was like, I would have rather the seats in front of me were empty or were blokes because as it is, and now

I don't look like I've deliberately sat here, but

yeah, I wasn't delighted.

Do you guys eat when you go to the cinema?

Do you like eat and drink?

I'm always intrigued.

Sometimes.

People have to go at me because I've got a small bladder same so if i go and see a film i actually didn't get a drink yesterday because i was like you get scared i'm talking to this guy tomorrow i've got to know what this film was about yeah i can't be going out

and fighting himself at that film you can't be running off to the toilet every 10 minutes well is that actually that's more of an issue yeah my mum does that my mum uses a toilet a lot whenever she comes to a film i i see her go about five times faster and i'm like well you don't know what the film's up yeah yeah she's able to curry yeah yeah yeah that was brilliant brilliant yeah which bit mum yeah

Let's get into your menu proper now, your dream starter.

So again, it's a bit basic back to the bread thing, but I went to a restaurant recently.

They served for a starter, it was bread, honey roast ham, marmalade, and butter.

Wow.

And it was obviously like a sort of trendy take on like leftovers or whatever.

It was around Christmas time.

And I just feel like that as a combination is really like hearty.

yeah you know proper good chunk of ham marmalade which i never thought i would put together with that yeah and warm and warm butter it was nice man it reminded me of like yeah leftovers super christmassy yeah yeah yeah yeah i love a big old chunk of ham at christmas yeah and it's always like the you know my stepdad would always be like you know an hour after dinner be like right ready for a sandwich ready for a bit of gamut

you know it's like straight away yeah it just brings back that like fullness of christmas Yeah.

Yeah.

And when you eat things like that outside of Christmas time, that's always exciting, but you feel like you're doing something wrong.

Yes.

I can't believe I'm having ham outside of Christmas time.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Honey roast ham.

Yeah, like a big chunk of gamon, you understand, James.

You know what I mean?

You understand, James.

You understand?

I don't know why that's made me laugh so much.

We're on the same page over here.

Yeah, well, like Christmas ham.

Is there an in-joke about ham with you?

No, it's funny that he is talking to me like this.

A big chunk of ham, you understand, Jay.

You seem to be saying, what?

Ham reminds you of Christmas.

You think we're talking about like wafer-thin ham, which we're not.

We're talking about thin.

Just any ham.

Christmas ham.

Yeah, Christmas.

Even someone cutting up a ham.

I wouldn't think, oh, it's not Christmas time.

I can't eat this ham.

Even the taste of that.

If you've ever gone to a restaurant and ordered a joint of honey roast ham, some yam or some ham.

When we got

out of season?

When?

It's so common.

I can't even pinpoint it.

What are we talking about?

Like a Carvery or like a

normal restaurant.

Maybe a normal restaurant.

Like anywhere.

Well, you're not giving us any specifics.

You've not told us when you've had it.

I think it's so common.

No?

No.

I'll have a side of gamon, please.

Yeah.

Yeah.

No, I just feel like it's either carvery or like seasonal.

I don't ever come across it in restaurants.

Thank you.

Cup lunch, they'll do a gamon for you.

Yeah, that's true.

It feels different, doesn't it?

It's just not the same.

It doesn't have

the ring of like fat with

the sweet stuff on the outside.

That to me is Christmas.

Or cloves or cloves, like tea.

Yeah, disgusting.

I do just love a roast dinner.

A good roast dinner.

You know, it's it's it's standard.

There's a good roast at the uh at the Marksman in Hackney.

That's a nice one.

I've heard so much about that, and I've still, I've still never been.

It's a good roast, yeah.

It's not too big, it's like you finish it and you feel decent, you know.

You don't I don't know whether I'd enjoy feeling decent after a while.

You want to feel disgusting?

I think I have to commit to feeling awful for at least two days afterwards.

Really?

Yeah.

It's like me with gigs.

Yeah.

I want to look at a roast and go, yeah, this is the rest of the day at least is a write-off.

It's a write-off.

Yeah.

For example, if you ate a roast at two-ish, would you have something in the evening?

If I'm really going for it, yeah, I'm going to have some little

bits.

No, bits.

Bitty tea.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Bitty tea.

Yeah.

Leftover gammon.

Yeah.

Is it fair to say that you do you like leftovers more than you like the actual Christmas dinner?

Yeah, there's something nice about sort sort of, you know, letting your body tell yourself it's hungry again, even though you're not.

In the evening, you know?

A bit more cheese as well.

Just forcing it in.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Yeah.

What do you feel about leftovers?

Yeah, I like them, man.

Ed's got a full leftover day.

On Boxing Day, it's all leftovers.

And he gets to be.

Oh, it's all leftovers for about the money.

He gets to be the master.

Yeah, yeah.

You do it all.

My partner's family in Birmingham, they do...

and Nan's Jamaican, so they do with the turkey, they do like a curried turkey, and then they do soul food like two days after.

So that is like a much better version of leftovers.

They really elevate some very British ingredients into something that's properly nice.

Yeah, so you're eating Christmas dinner being like, get through this.

Yeah.

Tomorrow we get the good stuff.

Two days we're going to have like...

Add some spice to it.

Yeah.

What's this restaurant where you got the leftover starter?

It's called

Whites.

It's in Hackney.

I'm going to have to try it.

Yes, I want to do it.

It's really good

season.

And I like watching people like they were doing it in front of me.

It's like an open kitchen thing i like that in restaurants when you can see everything going on yeah you know my i feel like you tend to want to go i don't know how you feel about like a table or like a type of table like what you look for in that but like sitting at a a bar as long as your feet are supported i feel that's so true by a bold man

exactly yeah preferably by a large bold man's head but if they're swinging that's not that's not great no you feel like a child i think when your your feet are dangling over the edge and you're kicking them around.

You need either a bar running along the bottom of the bar, if you see what I mean, like a pole.

Yes.

Or on the stool itself, a little support so you can pop your heels up on it.

Yeah, yeah.

How do you feel about

a bag hook?

I'm not against it.

I'd love a bag hook.

Yeah, yeah.

I love discovering that under the counter.

Yeah.

Like a full rucksack.

It's not really full.

Sitting down.

Bags.

Don't wear the pumpkin stuff from under the counter.

Oh, blimey.

me.

Oh, a little coat hook under the counter.

Someone's thought about it.

Yeah, I love it.

And then you hang it up, I feel really clever.

Yeah.

What about when someone takes your coat?

Are you into that?

I know this seems suspicious.

You always feel like you're being weird when you go into a restaurant.

They're like, can we take your coat?

I always say no.

I don't like it.

Yeah, I don't like it.

I want to keep it close.

You tried to do it today, didn't I?

Yeah, you nearly brought all your stuff in to leave the end.

I'll bring it all in.

Well, I better leave it all out there.

The worst is going to a restaurant and they say, can I take your coat?

And you say, no, I'll keep it.

And then you get there and the chair is not in the right shape to hang a coat on it.

There was a reason why.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

I always let them take my coat.

Yeah.

I absolutely love it.

Do you?

Oh, yeah.

I feel like a king.

I feel like a king, yeah.

Yeah, I feel like a duke.

A duke, least, at least a duke.

Yeah.

What about if it's quite a nice restaurant and you've turned up wearing like quite a shit coat?

And then you see your coat being hung up with all the nice coats.

I feel bad then.

Well, you've never had a shit coat, Ed.

I've had a shit coat, mate.

No.

This guy's never had a shit coat.

He's trying to make out like he's the common man.

Earlier, you said, we're talking about a happy Christmas, James.

You see?

So don't even

give a chance.

I said you understand.

Yeah.

I do understand.

Don't you know?

But like, some

really fancy restaurants, everyone's got nicer coats than me, man.

It's true.

Even the coat you turn up in today would probably be deemed

casual.

Not nice enough.

Not nice enough, too casual.

I love

coats.

Not really, but I love seeing my coat go up of all the other coats.

You stay there with your friends.

You make friends.

Maybe some of those nice coats, the smell will rub off of mine.

And

I'll smell like a jet.

And then when they bring it back to you, you place your arms behind you, ready for them to put it on for you.

Yeah, I do it like Titanic.

Just do it like that.

And let them put it on me.

And then I smell it.

This is not looking good.

You went and see Baby Girl by yourself, and now you're saying you smell your coat when it's been next to some ladies' coats.

Listen, this may as well be the episode.

I'll come out with a perfect.

That was long ago, that episode.

Yeah, I used to be a bold man and go to see films.

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Your dream main course.

I have been talking about this for a while with my siblings because my dad,

when my parents split out, my dad moved to this flat nearby and he used to do this

spaghetti bolognese, but it was like a bit of a ad hoc situation.

And he was a good cook, but he'd throw a lot of random stuff in there.

And there was always these like sausages in there.

And I don't really know what they're called, but they're, you know.

It's like a German sausage that you,

you know, it's not, you know, and it's not Cumberland, you know, it's like

a ratner type thing, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, exactly.

And he'd put those in there and he'd put a load of red wine, and you know, when you're a kid and you think, whoa, T-Liner,

a bit wobbly up here, you know what I mean?

11-year-old, fucking, come on.

And, um,

and uh, a bit of Malbeck.

And he did that for a long time.

And we all, and we always sort of requested it, me and my siblings.

We'd always go and be like, oh, dad, can we do this back bowl?

And he'd be like, all right, you know, he thought he was, yeah, he thought he was living, you know, it was it.

And then he met a lady, my, my stepmum, who's lovely, and she is also a good cook.

And she kind of took over the cooking a little bit.

And so after a while, the sausage left the dish.

Oh, no.

And it was like a quietly understood thing that, you know, we were a bit gutted about it.

It was like, why don't you do it like that anymore?

Yeah.

I think maybe something along the lines, you know, it changed or something along the way, she didn't, she said it's a bad idea.

Get that sausage out of of it bless them bless her whatever so i would say i'll do i'll do that with the sausages but maybe with a short rib because i really like a short rib yeah yeah and i've been i've been cooking a lot of that lately so i do that like a short rib ragu with the with that sausage and then um i'll do it with a nice uh papadelli love it a papadelli like the thin

and uh yeah lots of cheese lots of parmesan simple but nice great yeah filling but if you do it right you know like if you can cook if you can get that right,

it tastes so good, man.

And it's simple, isn't it?

It's like simple ingredients.

It's not like loads of complex things.

But there's something so satisfying about like, I guess you're really slow cooking that short rip.

Yeah, it's like three, four hours, isn't it?

It's like magic.

Yeah.

So good.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

And I'm glad the sausage has made a reappearance in your spag bowl.

Yeah.

I love that you have to be like, stepmum's a lovely lady.

And there's often a lot, you know, friction when someone new comes into the family.

There wasn't any friction, just in one particular area, the sausage disappeared from the spag bowl.

Yeah, yeah, well, she was a good cook, so no one questioned it.

But I think my dad sort of took a backstep with the cooking, yeah.

And we were all a bit like, but what about the sausage?

Yeah, so um, but you're supportive enough of the relationship that you didn't make an issue, which is very sweet.

Of course, you and your siblings were like, We really want the sausage in the spag bowl, but we like this lady and she's good for our dad.

Yeah, so we're not gonna bring it up.

Yeah, she's not like an evil stepmom from a film.

No, I will concede, yeah.

Yeah, not

a fleabag's stepmom

olivia coleman yeah well she was bad yeah she was bad yeah yeah fleabag hated her remember

fleabag didn't like that woman yeah and and never really came around to i think maybe in the final episode

had some nicer words to say to each other good show good show but what i like about the short rib situation is you have to go to the butcher's right there's a butcher's down by where we are yeah and um it's always carnage in there i went before christmas and it was so busy and there's like, you know, people buying like pig's foot and you're like, what are you doing with that?

I'm very intrigued about what people do with various different meats.

You ever have a pig's foot outside of Christmas?

No.

Pig's foot, you understand.

Yeah, that's what I'm talking about.

Outside of Christmas.

It's crazy.

Do you ask people what they're doing with the pig's foot?

No.

No.

Just intrigue.

Yeah, maybe.

I'd say how you're going to cook that, what you're going to do with it.

What are you going to do with it?

Yeah.

So I'm fascinated by that as well.

Yeah.

You see all the different cuts and you think, wow, I wouldn't know what to do with half of these.

Yeah.

I know someone who would love to buy a pig's foot.

Yeah.

So do I.

The Purvy Boltman.

Yeah.

He'd lay on the floor and he'd hold the pig's foot and he'd just like hit himself on the head with it.

Yeah.

Yeah.

I think it's better that he does that, you know.

Yeah, that's nice though, isn't it?

Keep it in the house.

Keep it in the house.

Yeah.

Get a pig's foot.

He probably doesn't get the same thrill out of it.

No, that's true.

It's like not as good as when Harris Dickinson came in.

It needs to be a warm human foot.

yeah and you can't be in control of it yeah yeah yeah somebody's like those you know those indian head massages those wire things when you do it yourself doesn't work does it no no no it doesn't yeah in that man's defense yeah

um so your butcher's absolutely rammed yeah yeah there's always a panic when they ask when they come to you you know what do you want um

short short red please yeah trying to sound assured yeah confident with what you want do you ever get grams of it please in those situations, do you ever go and like, come on, Amis, you're an actor.

Let's do this.

Let's play the role of a confident guy at the butcher's.

Does that ever help?

Maybe I'm doing that always, yeah.

Maybe I'm doing that to cope a lot of the time.

But it doesn't seem to work, James.

So you can't just kind of do one of my voices.

Do one of my voices, yeah, do an accent.

Do you do that?

Do you ever do that?

If you're doing something that requires the American accent, are you using it out and about?

Yeah, a little bit.

Yeah.

A little bit.

It's a good tester, isn't it, to see if

people pull you up on it.

I was doing it a lot in New York to see if, but you also feel like a bit of a tit, you know, like you hear about people staying in accent the whole time.

And I tried it once and

I spoke to someone and they were like, what the fuck are you doing?

Like, what's

talking like?

And I was like, no, sorry, sorry.

This has gone mad.

Yeah, yeah, it's just stupid.

We've lost it.

Yeah.

Trying to do that with people that you're close to is abysmal, really.

You'd walk into the butchers and go,

give me that killer this guy yeah yeah he's so good at accents that is good it's incredible

i got a pound of beef and a five parks you know fucking hell look at that for the listener that's the same guy yeah

we've not got an american in here just run in here it's insane actors always want to do accents like we uh i i was telling you earlier we i made a film last year and we had an actor turn up and he he was playing a difficult customer in a restaurant someone that wasn't particularly happy with his steak and he turned up and in the audition, he was doing a very sort of well-meaning, you know, well-spoken London accent.

And he was great and it was perfect.

And he turned up on the day and he said, oh, listen, Harris, I think I'm going to do a northern accent.

I said, if it's okay, I think stick to your accent because it's really good.

He said, I'd really like to try the northern.

He said, I'd really like to try it.

And he started speaking in it, you know.

And I was like, okay, well, let's give it a go.

You know, you've got to let him give it a go.

Sure.

Is this in something that you've directed?

This is in something that that I made, yeah, last year.

But

that was an interesting thing being on your side of it.

During the audition process, where people, they want to try accents, you know?

Yeah, yeah.

I'll try a scout's accent.

I'll give it a go.

And, you know, it's like, why?

And was that the only...

That was his part in the film was just complaining in a restaurant.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Yeah.

He had a whole scene and he was great.

It was a whole situation where it was kind of, you were on both sides, you know, it was like, he was talking about the idea of the steak not being cooked the way I asked, but also he was being kind of reasonable, you know, so it was like whose side are we on kind of things.

So he wants something for a show, real, that shows he can do different accents.

Versatility.

Yeah, yeah, versatility.

Maybe I should do that for a minute stand-up show.

I could just do a different accent for the whole show.

Yeah.

Oh, man.

That'd be good.

The thing is, sometimes he says these things, and I'm like, he's not going to do that.

And then he does do it.

Yeah.

Like letting people heckle.

Yeah, I did that.

I never thought you'd do that.

I did it.

What did I see you on?

You did that game show where they spin you around.

The wheel.

What's that?

That was on on a crisis.

The wheel?

I mean, you've pretty much described what it is.

It's the game show where they spin it.

They're around.

Was that fun?

I love when people dance on the wheel.

I was texting him before he went on it going, you've got to dance when they spin the wheel.

I love your dance down.

I love the wheel.

So I jumped at the chance to be on the wheel.

No, you don't jump, you sit down.

You jump onto the wheel.

You've not done the wheel.

Fuck off.

I ain't done the wheel.

Yeah, fuck off.

What would be your specialist subject?

The wheel.

The wheel.

I would answer questions about the wheel.

I think I'll do pretty well on that.

Yeah.

I've seen a lot of episodes.

Heavy metal.

Yeah, yeah.

The problem is, it is random when you get spun in to answer a question and I never got spun in.

So I went all the way to the studio, sat on the wheel, got spun around and went home again.

Yeah, I noticed that.

Yeah, yeah.

No one chose you.

No, no one chose you.

You know all of Ed's work.

I do.

I've done my research.

Up the creek, the wheel.

Yeah, yeah.

This is no accident.

You've not watched my work?

I've watched yours.

Yeah.

Hey, I talked about iron chlor earlier.

Sorry.

Yeah, he mentioned it.

I've seen Triangle of Sadness.

I'm joking.

I'm joking.

Yeah, yeah.

He hasn't seen any of these things.

Your dream side dish, Harris.

I'll try and be a little bit healthy.

I feel like everyone always says greens and stuff, but it does balance it nicely, doesn't it?

If you've got like a bit of a green situation.

Especially if your main is...

bolognese and short rib like short ribbon sausage.

Yeah.

Sure.

Can I do like Caesar salad?

Is that okay as a side?

Of course you can.

That's great.

You've hacked it because it's still green.

Yeah.

But it's covered in cheese.

It's covered in cheese and mayonnaise.

And yeah.

I don't really want the anchovies on top, like full display.

I don't mind them in the sauce, but yeah.

That's a nice little side that can go nicely with more cheese though.

What is it about the display of the anchovies that you don't like?

You're happy to have them hidden in the dressing, but you don't want to see them on top.

To consume them all at once, they're too much for me.

Don't you think?

They're too salty for me i i love them you love them yeah but i'm glad they're still in the dressing yeah i want i want the flavor there but i want the paste i want the i want them hidden not because i'm fussy like i'm not like a fussy eater but i don't know having them all at once is like a bit overwhelming for me sure i like them uh but like i've grown to like them over the years and also you know there's a many different ways to have caesar salad now yeah and i i'm very lucky to be alive in an era where

you just don't know how the Caesar salad is going to be, what it's going to come with, what's going to be in there.

I worry about that, though.

Yeah.

Because there's some bad Caesar salads out there.

Oh, yeah.

There's some awful one.

Yeah.

But what do you mean?

There's a lot of different types.

Good question.

At Mildred's, I'll get the artichoke one.

It's got these artichokes in it.

Caesar salad.

It's got these crispy bits of, I think it's kale in there as well.

It's delicious, but it's still basically a Caesar, same sauce and cheese and stuff.

The other day I had one from Farmer J's where it's got these like crispy little crackers in it it

as well.

I've had that.

And feta in there.

But that doesn't seem, that's not a Caesar salad.

Yeah, I know.

I think it's Caesar salad.

I think it's classic.

It's just iceberg or whatever it's called.

What else?

I think it's just iceberg or baby gem.

Baby gem.

It's all out now in cinemas.

The John Mulany's.

Yes, fuck.

I went for the John Mulany's show, and actually, it's much more relevant to go for Harris's

baby gem, yeah.

But yeah, it's

croutons.

Yeah.

What am I doing?

dressing

or if the sequel is called baby gem it's you telling a lettuce what to do

it's me and antonio banderas on a on a quest fighting over a lettuce fighting over a lettuce that's nothing people talk about you know the intimate scenes you have with nicole kidman you had to fight banderes yeah you had to punch zorro i know i know what's that like

easy yeah

no i i did have a bit of a moment where i was like he's he's very strong he's a strong bloke do you know what i I mean?

Did you tell him that?

Of course I did.

Good.

Yeah, you've got to tell people if you think they're strong.

I think no matter how famous someone is, no matter how many times they've been told they're strong,

I bet that gave him a little boost when you said that.

But you went Harry said I was strong today.

But he would have said that.

Yeah.

Even if it's just like back to the hotel, it says it in the mirror.

Men are like that, though.

That's how simple we are

as a species.

I'm strong.

Brilliant.

Yeah, great.

That's going to get me through a week.

Yeah.

I'll thrive.

I'll thrive.

No, he's lovely, though.

That was fun.

Getting to fight with him, yeah.

It was quite intimate.

It was quite sexual, really, when you think about it, wasn't it?

Oh, yeah, it was.

Just rolling around together on the floor.

Oh, yeah.

There was

the bit where he's having a panic attack and you're forehead to forehead and you're talking him through it.

It's very similar to what you're like with her earlier in the film.

Yeah.

A lot of giggles in my screen when that happened.

Really?

Yeah, a lot of the ladies.

What, when I put my head to his?

Yeah, a lot of the ladies were giggling.

It's funny what people laugh at, isn't it?

Like different audiences.

Tell us about it, man.

Preaching to the choir, my friend.

Yeah.

It must be so strange to have to assess an audience on the spot.

Yeah, how do you guys do it?

I don't know.

I mean, how do you do those brilliant voices?

I think that's just watching people, isn't it?

Hearing watching things.

Some people have a good ear, some people don't.

Maybe.

Maybe James.

What?

Maybe some people don't have a good ear for voices.

When you said maybe James, I thought you were saying baby Jem again.

Baby Jem.

That's a nice song.

Yeah.

What should I think about that later?

I'll keep that going.

Everyone likes him.

Baby gem.

This is good.

The baby gem people are really excited now.

I'd imagine listening.

They're going to get in contact.

Yeah, the Harrogate people are crying.

Hamgut water people.

They're throwing everything in the bin.

They're shutting the factory down.

The baby gem, they're going, here we go.

Yeah, what have I said?

I was a new chapter.

Yeah, I've been too loose-lipped.

On a Caesar, obviously, probably not with this as a side dish.

Are you having a grilled chicken?

It's always nice, isn't it?

Yeah, or pulled chicken's nice on a Caesar, you know, so you can get in there.

But with this, I think I do know chicken.

Yeah.

Can I just add something back to my side?

Yeah.

Yeah.

Some gherkin.

Is that all right?

Yeah.

Just a bit of gherkin.

I just remembered that was something I quite would like to have in the mix of things.

You know, like just a jar of gherkins that you can have.

Oh,

yeah, a jar, just yeah, just always there that you can

occasionally just nibble on a gherkin.

Is that all right?

Yeah, yeah of course

i like that that's nice and are you getting them out whole and nibbling on a whole gherkin yeah is that all right of course it is do you want to shot the the juice as well like a pickleback yeah i do like a pickleback but i don't think i'll i'll make that part of the the meal keep it classy you know but there's a there's a i worked for this guy years ago and he he would like often send me because we would talk about getting in late and being like opening the fridge after a drink and being like right there's a pickle there's a bit of cheese, there's a crisp in the drawer, there's a, you know, and just being like, right, I have a bite of that, I have a bite of cheese, I love a crisp, whatever's available to sort of this weird combination of not, it's not quite like worthy of a meal.

I don't want to make a meal, I just want to have a few different things.

A few little bits, bitty tea.

Bitty tea, yeah.

It's a bitty tea.

You keep really pushing this.

I'm pushing bitty tea.

Pushing the tongue.

Do you hear how much he's pushing bitty tea?

I haven't heard him ever do this before.

You know I love a bitty Tea.

Yeah, but you keep repeating the phrase and looking at him and trying to get him to say it.

What do you mean where it's come from?

Habits must flatten if you say your trap door's going to open because it's no, it's not my phrase.

Bitty tea is not my phrase.

I don't know it.

You know what I mean, though.

You didn't know what ghost is.

You're coining it.

Yeah, it says that you're trying to get it in the bottom.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Bitty tea.

Bitty tea.

When you're getting a brand of yours, I'm sorry.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

It's a new thing.

It's turned out that it's got a new thing.

Yeah.

When you have that moment where you're just getting together a bitty tea.

Bitty tea.

Are you taking a bite of the pickle, keeping it in your mouth, taking a bite of the cheese, keeping it in your mouth, and taking a bite of a crispy pickle?

That's the perviest question we've had on the pod.

Chairmanis, I'm so sorry.

That's not perv.

You know, when you want a mix of everything, but when it's all separate.

I know.

It's exactly that.

It's exactly that.

Yeah.

Big a perv?

Why is that perverted?

You're perverted for thinking it's perverted.

You're holding it in your mouth.

You're holding that in your mouth and then putting that and holding that in your mouth.

Well, so all the flavours mixed together.

It's like when you have a bite of a cookie and then a bit of milk, you try and keep it in there.

There you go.

So you can experience experience them both together.

There you go.

Want to bring the milk.

Let's move on from the milk.

Or yeah, or like

a hot cup of tea and a biscuit or something.

And you can drink, or you can just mix it in your mouth.

Do you know what we've been doing lately is a vodka tea?

A voddie tea.

Just me and my mates.

Like at a party, if you sort of run out of booze, you do a little voddie tea.

Or you run out of mixer.

It's a nice little end of night, it's like a hot toddy.

My

friend Troy does it.

He does a really nice builder's tea and then puts a bit of vodka in it, and it actually works.

Yeah.

It's nice.

Give it a go.

I think you should take that from Ed, that name, hot body.

Hot body.

Hot voddie.

Instead of a hot toddy, call it a hot voddie.

Voddie tea.

I've already got a name for it.

Yeah, Vody Tea.

Voddie tea is nice.

Yeah, yeah.

Do you and your friends at the end of a house party ever have a bitty tea?

Oh, there we go.

Nice.

You don't have to answer that.

Yeah, no comment.

Okay, thank you.

Your dream drink?

Is it alright to have two?

Yeah?

I will have a tea if that's all right.

Like a good tea, like a proper tea.

I grew up in a household where tea was very important for any occasion, you know, happiness, sadness, shock, have a tea.

So I'd do a breakfast tea, a bit of a bit of sugar, one sugar or a bit of honey, and then I'd do a whiskey sour and I'll do it from, there's a place in New York.

I'm not going to say the name.

No,

you don't want to blow up your spot.

I don't want to.

No, no, it's not that.

I don't want to give it to them because they were a little bit rude to me.

I love this.

A grudge.

Yeah, a grudge.

I've got a lot of grudges, haven't I?

Yeah.

Well, no.

I'll tell you what it is, though.

We went there.

We filmed there in this film.

For this film?

Yes.

And then I said, can I come back here with some mates?

Because it's a nice spot.

You know, there was like a little, it was like a low-lit, and there was a piano and there was, you know, music.

And I said, this is a good spot to come back to.

You know, like, I'll bring people back here.

A friend was coming to town.

And then I said,

it's really hard to get a table all of that in New York you know it's all of that like really like sceny like bar food world where it's it's so exclusive to get you can't just go on Resi and get a table yeah so someone that worked there they got us a table we go there and the drinks were wonderful I'll say they were lovely whiskey sour amaretto sour beautiful but you know we walked in I wasn't dressed back to the dress code.

I wasn't dressed bad, but like I wasn't smart.

I never really dress smart unless I'm going to like an event or something.

But you know, the look they gave us when we walked in, it was like peasants that had won a competition.

Do you know what I mean?

It was like, I hate, I hate feeling that energy.

It was like, sorry, can you take your head off?

It's like, what do you mean?

Why take my hat off?

I might have, you know, a bald patch in the middle of the head that I want to hide for this evening.

Yeah.

You know,

I don't, just to show you how it works.

Yeah, I've got a lovely head of hair.

No, but i it was like this snobbery i hate the snobbery of it in in places like that they were also just sort of acting like we kind of couldn't afford to be there yeah and then you feel the need to kind of go overboard and prove that you know i can i can afford a couple of drinks i can afford 20 pound cocktails thank you very much do you ever leave those places like i've been in that situation sometimes before when you might turn up with some friends or whatever and they'll bring up a dress code or something that you weren't aware of and level it at one of the party party and sometimes it feels good just to go oh uh sorry we didn't know about that well we'll just leave if that's not right if it's a dress code we're not meeting it we'll just leave we'll just go just go we just want drinks so we'll go to a different bath yeah and that in my head they're going to go oh oh no no no please stay we're so sorry instead they go okay cool and you're like oh fuck well that didn't work so i guess we've got to go to a different pub now go i just don't understand it i don't understand the dress code thing unless the dress code is like you've got to wear clothes Like sometimes you see a dress code on a door where it's like, make sure you wear a shirt.

You're like, well, I don't want to go in here anyway.

If this is the sort of place where they have to remind you to wear a shirt, I'm not going to like it in there.

Yeah.

No trainers.

Yeah.

What do you mean?

Oh, no trainers.

No trainers can fuck off.

Get the winkle pickers out.

Yeah, yeah.

Yeah.

But that's a part of my dream mission as well, if that's okay.

Like, no, no snobby dress code.

Yeah, people can wear track suits.

People can wear dressing gowns if they want.

Also, there's nice, you know, there's nice track suits out there.

There's nice dressing gowns.

That does not that does not mean you're not smart you can wear a lovely a lovely robe you got a dressing gown yeah well what kind of dressing gown is it i got a blue one a blue fluffy one oh lovely does it it's not that fluffy but it's soft does it fit you well yeah it fits great okay fits really well i don't know i can answer the door in it put it that way

i don't have a dressing gown but i i think i'm in the market for a dressing gown i think this is going to be the year that i buy a dressing gown i think you've got a like a smoking jacket or something yeah I've been looking at some pretty fancy ones, I think.

Have you?

But they're not comfortable.

You just need a big hotel one, I i think that fits you properly nothing fits me i got long arms and long limbs so normally i just look like a little boy in a you know

undersized dressing gown but i found one in a hotel i nicked it that was perfectly fit so yeah that's that yeah has it got a hood no hood oh no actually oh maybe i'll get one with a hood yeah the hoods are the hood ones are weird though i think they are why do you need a hood on a dressing gown where are you up to i don't like the snood things that i don't like they're like you know they're like blankets like wearable blankets yeah yeah yeah, yeah.

Yeah.

Ah, it's so infantilising, isn't it?

Yeah.

Yeah, they're on the way out, though.

They had a very, very short time in the sun.

I feel.

Track them.

Yeah, yeah.

I think for a while, everyone was talking about slankies and whatever.

And now they're all gone.

Ugh.

That word even.

It sounds disgusting.

Slankies.

It sounds good.

It sounds gross.

Thank you.

Slow wank.

That I guess.

Yeah, yeah.

Yeah, yeah.

A slanky sounds like a slow wank.

Ed Gamble.

I'm just off for a slanky.

I may be sometimes.

But what is that?

The need to feel like you can't just say, all right, you know, you know,

the need to make people aware that you, in fact, can afford a $20 cocktail.

Like, what is that feeling?

Like, is it, does it come from not some sort of insecurity, I guess.

But I'm allowed to be here, you know?

Yeah.

Or a chip on your shoulder.

Maybe it's that.

Maybe none of that existed.

Maybe I've just fabricated all of it in my life.

Well, this is what I have had leveled at me sometimes.

I think you don't do this anymore.

I think you're in a better place now.

But there was a period of time where James and I would go to a lot of restaurants together and the waiter or waitress would come over, take the order, be perfectly normal, be like, thank you very much, would leave.

And James would turn to me and go, right, she hates me.

Oh, yeah.

Yeah, I just think all waiters.

They hated us.

Yeah.

They hate us.

Yeah.

Because you feel like you're being inconvenient or rude.

No, they would just be like, I think I would just go to people don't like me say same same as being on stage with the audience

I'd feel like they don't like me, yeah, so I've got to throw this in their face before they can reject me.

Yeah, there'd be a lot of that, yeah, but like yeah, better

he'd be wearing his slanky quite a lot of the time as well, right?

So not having a slanky

I am jealous of people that can order very confidently and

decisively.

You know, people that can just go, Yeah, I'm gonna get a side of this, I'm gonna get that, I'm gonna get this, this, know this, know this.

Americans are quite good at that.

It drives me out of the wall, though.

Yeah, when they're just so bum, bum, bum, bum.

I'm gonna do this, but you gotta take out that, and then I want that, and they've completely replaced this.

Yes, yes, yes.

Yeah, let me get a Caesar, but no, no iceberg, no, uh, no anchovy, but can I replace the iceberg for

pasta?

It's like, well,

even say, even when you play that character, you said, can I?

Because you betrayed your true self.

Whereas they would say, I'm gonna.

I'm gonna.

Yeah, let me get.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Let me get.

I'm gonna go to the place.

You want to get a burger?

No burger.

Yeah.

I do sometimes, if I'm in America, I do sink into the habit of saying, Let me get.

Because it's quite fun.

Simulation.

Even earlier when you were asking for your dream drink, you said, I'm gonna, I'm gonna do,

which is very American.

Is it?

Yeah, I think it is.

Is it?

Yeah, I'm gonna do.

I quite like that.

I'm gonna do quite like that.

Yeah, that's true.

Fucking hell.

I quite like that.

I quite like what I want to do.

Right.

What I want is.

Yeah.

Let's be real.

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You check your feed and your account.

You check the score and the restaurant reviews.

You check your hair and reflective surfaces and the world around you for recession indicators.

So you check all that, but you don't check to see what your ride options are.

In this economy, next time, check Lyft.

We arrive at your dream dessert, Harris.

Yes.

And for this, I did actually bring you guys a little situation.

Oh, wow.

Here we go.

It wasn't planned, but

I was in town last night and I had a slice of it.

Yeah.

And I thought, I should get this for the guys.

I should get a whole lot.

It's so nice.

For the guys.

You don't have to eat it now, obviously.

I'm going to...

But I'll show you.

I don't know if it is, yeah.

It's a Basque cheesecake.

Yeah, I mean, the stuff that's going to be.

Oh, wow.

Do you want to have a little

from

some Japanese patisserie?

Oh, a Basque cheesecake from a Japanese patisserie?

Yeah.

That's wild.

On Shaftesbury Avenue.

Oh, yeah.

So I thought.

Sacurado.

I might as well get it for you.

Oh, thank you, Hammond.

Thank you so much.

That looks absolutely outstanding.

Do you want to have a little peek?

I'm going to eat it, Ed.

Okay.

There you go, then.

Have a little peek with your mouth.

I have a little peek with my mouth.

I'm going to eat this.

Is this your dream dessert?

Yeah, I think it is, yeah.

It's the Basque cheesecake.

Well, I sort of came in with it as a cheesecake, a general cheesecake.

And then,

has it lasted all right?

Yeah, it's held together very nicely.

I'm not sure.

Oh, you're just going, okay.

What?

So there's no chance of me taking a slice of this home because James has just eaten.

What are you talking about?

Is there

loads you can slice up there?

I'm just taking a chunk off the edge.

Goddamn Kevin McAllistering it.

Okay.

Half my life, man.

I'm covering my time.

Is that nice?

I just thought that was just fake.

You're jealous of your own cheesecake?

No, I'm just glad.

Yeah, oh, God, yeah, that looks really good.

The cheesecake, I love a cheesecake.

I love just a standard cheesecake, you know?

Yeah.

Let me get a standard.

A normal cheesecake without all of the frills, without like, you see a lot of cheesecakes now with Oreo or like crumbled Kit Kat.

And I'm not into that.

Yeah, yeah.

I want a very normal cheesecake.

Normal cheesecake.

Yeah.

Without even any berries or anything, just like a piece.

A little berry.

Compot might be nice, but

that looks delicious.

I love this burnt bass cheesecake thing that's happening.

Yeah.

I think it's so good.

Yeah.

And I didn't, you know, I didn't plan it.

I just, we were out last night and we had a dim sum and then we stumbled across this place and I thought, well, that looks really nice.

I love a slice, had a slice, and then I thought, I'll bring you guys a full go at it.

Thank you so much.

That's very thoughtful.

That's all right.

It's the least I can do, isn't it?

Really?

Delicious cheesecake.

I just remembered some food questions I meant to ask you and I'd forgotten to ask you.

I'll be annoyed if I don't ask you them.

That food in Triangle of Sadness that everyone pukes because they eat it.

Yeah.

You eat any of that?

Yeah, it was.

All the aspic jelly stuff.

Yeah, it was oysters as well, wasn't it?

It was like, it was full on fine dining stuff.

Yeah,

he said to me, the director, he said, how many, how many of these oysters can you eat?

I said, maybe, maybe 10.

And after four, they were so big.

Yeah.

It was huge.

I said, I can't do any more.

I don't know why.

Also, I don't know why I needed to eat real ones that many times.

Like, you can't even tell.

You're not doing a close-up on them.

You're sort of behind me.

Why am I eating?

Why am I necking 10 oysters?

So a lot of it was real.

A lot of it was like jelly stuff.

Yeah.

It's an amazing scene because it is so gross.

And before everyone is sick, you kind of already are feeling sick watching it because of the ship moving.

Yeah.

But the food still looks really fancy and high-end like it's supposed to.

Like it's this fancy place.

But you already are feeling like...

I'm going to fucking puke because like all of this, there's so much food.

It's so gross.

It's all wobbling.

The ship's going all over the place woody howlson is wigging out it's like mad and then like when everyone pukes this is the best yeah

i love everyone puking in that film the lady sliding up and down in the toilet with all the toilet struggles

some people hated that like i just remember people coming out a can and being like no it's disgusting i really weren't able to watch it you know but that is also you have to back those people and agree with them it's disgusting it is disgusting isn't it

if you've got a phobia or sick it's not a one is it yeah no yeah it's wife has a phobia yeah yeah she does So does mine, yeah.

Yeah.

Yeah.

How does she feel watching it?

She covered her eyes.

Yeah, yeah.

She wouldn't.

It's a long scene as well.

Yeah, yeah.

If there's someone on the train that looks like they might, she's a little bit drunk, she moves multiple carriages.

Yeah, my wife's exactly the same.

Like immediately, no, like first hint of it, she's like, nope.

Isn't that funny?

Yeah.

I don't mind it.

I would happily get a broken person.

I'd hope so.

You know?

I find it funny.

I'm painting myself as a bit of a vigilante here, but I mean, I wouldn't be, I wouldn't, I don't mind being around it.

That's grubby Batman.

helping lying on the floor under the sick yeah yeah helping

people who are being sick yeah lying your head up with someone's being mugged and going i don't do that only sick yeah only sick also

batman calling it sick as well

i only knew he was sick yeah yeah yeah you got the wrong guy and he but he's always sick when other people are sick but he always has to help them yeah that's why he's got a gravelly voice because he's sick all the time he calls it bat sick yeah

here comes the bat sick.

Okay,

clean your sick up now.

Leave that alone.

It's bad sick.

Batman and vomit.

Vomit?

Vomit?

You can still call him vomit, actually.

I think it still scans.

A rapper would be able to rhyme Robin with vomit.

Well, okay.

So I think it was.

Well, I'm not a rapper.

I've said it before and I'll say it again.

That cheesecake was delicious.

I'm glad that that's your dessert.

Yes.

James is now going to rush through the rest of the episode so he can eat more cheesecake.

I can feel it.

Well, the rest of the episode we're at the end.

Yeah.

I do have one more question, though.

Yeah.

Because we're at the end of the thing.

Maybe the check's coming.

Oh.

He knows what I'm going to say.

Yeah.

Split the bill.

Split the bill.

Are you going to split the bill?

It depends, doesn't it?

Because where do you stand on that stuff?

Because you're there doing it.

Because Steve Bashemi says he still gets asked about tipping because of Reservoir Dogs, even though he himself thinks you should always tip.

It's Quentin Tarantino who has the opinion that Mr.

Pink has in that.

So with you,

when it comes to splitting the bill, do you agree with your character?

No, I think I have been kind of raised in a way that's like, okay, if you've got, you know, if you're you're doing well and you can afford to treat someone, treat them, and then it kind of goes back in circles, right?

Like, if you can do it once and then you get each other back, I don't know.

I feel like that's a better way to be than be like, we're splitting it every time.

But some people like doing that.

I mean,

it's individual, isn't it, to each dynamic.

I don't know.

I'm happy to do like my turn and then your turn, whatever.

But then if you've paid, and the next one are you thinking, this should be that.

No, I don't expect it.

I don't expect it.

Money comes and goes.

I always say it all comes out in the wash.

Exactly.

There you go.

We've never heard you say that.

I've never heard you say Bitty T more than you've said.

But if you said it's all comes out in the wash.

Whenever the bill comes, and you know, if I get the bill, someone else will get the bill.

You're like, eventually it all, you know.

Yeah.

We're all dead eventually, aren't we?

Exactly.

That's something else I'd say, Harry.

Yeah.

We're all going to be a good one.

And as I pay the bill, it lightens the mood at the end of a minute.

The question is, though, is that if you notice that there's always someone that never does,

how do you address that?

Just let them get away with it.

Just let them get away with it.

Because I love having a little bitch behind someone's back.

So it's good to have a reason.

It's important.

Yeah.

Just because I never pay the...

Why don't you stand on it?

Oh, I'd sooner be the one to pay it because I don't care if who else has paid around the table.

And for ages, I couldn't really, like, I had to split bills with people or couldn't really afford it.

So now that I can, I just want to do it every time.

Yeah.

And I want to steal the bill from everyone and just pay for it, but not if it makes them feel uncomfortable.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

I had it once where like I met up with some friends that we all started out in stand-up together.

We hadn't seen each other in ages.

Went for some drinks.

I was quite drunk by the end.

I had to leave earlier than them.

So on my way out, I just like, thinking it was a classy move, just paid for the drinks on my way out.

That is a classy move.

That is a classy move.

Next day, we meet up again because it's like, it's a weekend of it because one of them's in London.

And this guy goes, you paid for all the drinks yesterday.

I was like, yeah.

He went, don't do that again.

And I was like,

all right.

I thought it was nice.

He's like, no, no, we can all afford drinks here.

So just don't do that, please.

I was like, all right, fine.

We had a lovely time.

And then at the end, when the bill came, as a joke, I said to the lady came along and said, right, here's your bill.

And I went, I'm getting this one.

And he went, do not fucking get that.

And I was like, oh, God.

Jesus.

I've absolutely, I've absolutely misjudged that joke.

Yeah.

Would you look at it as if you were like flexing or something?

Yeah, I think it was

Mr.

Big Shots coming around.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

And fair enough.

You've got to bear that in mind.

You can't be Mr.

Big Shots.

Because that's not what you're doing.

And if someone wants to treat everyone, you've got to let them, really, haven't you?

You can't start trying to say, no, no, no, no, no.

I'm covering.

You know, it's like, if someone wants to do it, I feel like, let them.

It's up to them.

I let people all the time.

I love it when people treat me.

Yeah, it's great.

Yeah.

It's great.

I love to be treated.

I went to a restaurant last year.

I remember it was like a kind of group of people I didn't really know very well.

So I didn't want to buy them all dinner.

I was like, I'm going to go and pay for myselves and I was I was on the way I was like I'm gonna go get one pay for myselves and I could tell it was that vibe we got like one dish each didn't drink like I'm just gonna go and pay for my burger whatever and I'm like right guys I'll see you later Bosch pound the way out I get texts from someone who was there and they said man thank you so much for paying for everyone's food and I I said I didn't I

don't know why why they thought that and then they said well the the bill was covered by someone so someone along the I don't know who no one in our group paid for it unless I got some money, but I checked.

Someone must have paid for it.

No, there was five of us, no one paid.

I was the only one that paid for my food, so I was actually annoyed that I had to pay because they all got it for free.

Yeah, and I just paid for one dish, and the waiter said, It's been covered.

It was the bold man.

The thing is, you should have looked down.

You were all like, it's great that you got the metal things on the bottom of the seats.

We could all rest our feet on this.

He's there.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Loving it, going, the meal's on me, guys.

This one's on me.

See a hand reach up around the bar with a card.

Supposed to do the tap.

Go fuck under again.

Read your menu back to you now.

See how you feel about it.

You would like San Pellegrino, of course.

You would.

You'd like Guinness Bread with lots of whipped butter from Cafe Cecilia.

Starter, you want bread, honey roast ham, marmalade, and warm butter from whites.

Main course would like the short rib ragu with sausage, alley your dad, with papa del pizza, papa delli?

Pasta.

Pasta.

Oh my god.

I'm so sorry, hat.

Pasta.

I was so focused on this.

This guy's insane.

Side dish.

Bolognese, and you're like, oh, it must be with a pizza.

A papadelli pizza.

It says pasta.

I know you didn't write pizza bonito.

It says pasta here.

I don't know why I said pizza.

You've really lost your way of it.

Yeah.

Really?

You host a food podcast.

Yeah.

Who knows how?

It's a fair mistake.

I had a really good chat.

It's a fair mistake.

It's a fair mistake.

You're being very generous, Harris.

You don't need to.

I confuse pasta for pizza, Harris.

Let me feel the shame and take it all the way home.

You would like Caesar salad, no anchovies on the top, but you have it mixed in, with a jar of gherkins throughout the whole meal that you can ping on.

Drink, you would like to.

Do you know what gherkins are?

Just double check.

Cake?

You think it's cake?

I wish.

I'd love it if they pickled cake.

Drink, you would like a cup of tea with one sugar.

You like a whiskey sour from a bar that we will not say its name in New York.

And dessert, you'd like a Basque cheesecake.

It can be from anywhere, but we've got one here from Sacarado.

And Shaspy Avenue.

Yes.

Beautiful.

How do do you feel about that?

That sounds good.

It feels quite good.

I'm happy with that, yeah.

That sounds really good.

Sounds very good.

That's a nice meal.

I love the cup of tea and the whiskey sour as you're going back and forth.

Back and forth, I think.

Yeah, yeah.

If you had that on the ship and it started to sink.

Probably be all right.

You're keeping it down?

You're all right.

Yeah.

Yeah.

I think so.

It's the kind of substantial food that doesn't unsettle.

What do you reckon?

Depends how much cheesecake you have, I think.

I think if I ate a whole cheesecake and then the ship started to get rocky, it's a good night.

On Iron Claw, you have to eat loads of breakfast.

Yeah.

Yeah, I actually eat a lot on that.

Because you were eating loads.

You were stealing it off other people's plates.

Yeah, I was.

Yeah.

You're going for it.

Yeah, that character was, he was like, in real life, he was the most...

He wasn't ripped at all, really.

He was just like a big, burly bloke.

Yeah.

The rest were like, you know, bodybuilding looking.

Mega ripped, yeah.

And so I just got to enjoy my food.

It was great.

Paul Zach Efron was there, you know, controlling calories.

I was just...

Shoving it down.

It was brilliant.

Bad luck, Efron, if you're listening.

Thank you, Harris, for coming to the Dream Restaurant.

Thank you, Harris.

Thank you so much for having me.

Thank you so much to Harris for coming on.

And sorry for roasting the hell out of you.

I can't believe it.

This is how old we are.

His guests now are going to see us do stand-up before they become famous when they're

growing up.

When they're working in a hotel.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

Yeah, so that's it now.

This is going to happen a lot more.

Yeah.

And God knows I've torn into a few audience members

in much nastier ways or less deserved ways than you've done.

Yeah, without with that Jamie Dodger chat.

We could have a megastar, a global megastar sit down and go, James, you said that my life wasn't worth living.

Yeah, James, you said that I should have just stayed at home and put my head in a blender instead of come to the gig because I'm such a shit audience member.

I didn't laugh at your jokes.

And now I have an Oscar.

Yeah.

I just came here to tell you all that.

Thank you.

Yeah, goodbye.

Goodbye.

Leaving the Oscar on the table.

Goes home.

Yeah.

Well, that might happen.

But for you, it was the Jammy Dodger chat.

And I think it seemed to be a nice memory.

Yeah, that was good.

I'm glad it was a nice memory.

It's not many things that are more terrifying than someone saying, oh, you spoke to me at a gig once.

And

after that, and it felt like a thousand years.

Sure.

You go, oh no, was this when I went redhead?

I went completely into a blind rage and talked to an audience member.

Harris did not say Baby Bell, of course.

Yes.

So that's good.

He said Baby Girl and Baby Jem.

Yeah, sure.

So we got close.

Yeah.

He sang a song about Baby Jem.

Yeah.

And if he had even dared to put a lyric about Baby Belle in there, we would have been forced to remove it.

To drill down into that.

Yeah.

Go and see Baby Girl.

I've not seen it yet, as I make clear.

It's a very good film.

Yeah.

Even for a prude like you, Ed, I think you would enjoy it.

It sounds filthy.

It is filthy.

Yeah.

But, you know, thought-provoking.

And I think it's very considered.

It's not gratuitous.

Excellent.

And also, I'm very excited about that film that Harris mentioned that he made recently.

Yes.

His own film is Directorial Debut.

Very exciting.

So look out for that when it comes out.

The one about the Northern Man in the Steak Restaurant.

Yeah, I don't think the whole film is about someone complaining about their steak, even though...

We'll see.

I know if you wrote a film, that's what it would be about.

What, Master?

Yeah,

you would write it.

Someone's complaining about the steak, and you probably would make them northern.

Yeah, it'd be good, though, my film.

Yeah, Oh, listen, Ed.

No one's saying it wouldn't be good.

Thank you.

It'd be a very good film, but uh, that's not what Harris's film is about.

I think that's just one scene.

Okay,

we'll see.

Thank you so much to Harris for coming on off menu.

We will see you next week with another fantastic restaurant guest.

Goodbye.

Bye.

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oh hi james have you heard the news oh yeah go on you and i are modern boys because the off menu podcast is now on youtube this is embarrassing why is it embarrassing man you love youtube i love watching clips on youtube sure now people can watch clips of off menu on youtube and full episodes but it's embarrassing man It's not embarrassing at all.

It's really cool.

We're on YouTube with the great and good.

The coolest people in the world are on YouTube.

Me, you, Logan Paul.

Who's Logan Paul, the dad from Succession?

At Off Menu Podcast, that's what Benito's calling us now.

And we're on TikTok.

This is embarrassing, man.

It's not embarrassing, man.

We're cool.

We're like Olivia Rodrigo.

And Ed.

People have been asking us, badgering us, bothering us, actually.

They want to watch the Stephen Graham supercut from the Stephen Graham episode so they can see.

all of his reactions to us, everything that he did.

Oh, Benito has bent to their whims and he's going to put it on YouTube.

He's going to do it.

Follow us at Off Menu Official on TikTok, at Off Menu Podcast, on YouTube.

You can watch clips from the podcast, and on YouTube, you can watch full video episodes.

People have been asking for it, and you're finally getting it.

Full video episodes.

So you can see every single nuance on our little faces.