Best of 2024: Part 1

Transcript

Speaker 1 Oh no, it's James A Caster from the Off Menu Podcast, the podcast that you are listening to, and I have some news.

Speaker 7 I am going on tour round America, North America,

Speaker 2 from the 20th of January, starting in Toronto, and then finishing once again in Canada, in Vancouver, on the 15th of February.

Speaker 5 And in between, I'm going all over the place.

Speaker 14 I'm going to Philadelphia, Boston, Washington, D.C., Nashville, Austin, Texas, New Orleans, Atlanta, New York, Chicago, Denver, Los Angeles,

Speaker 12 San Francisco.

Speaker 19 You don't even need to edit that, like, to be smooth, Benito.

Speaker 1 They know I'm scrolling through my phone.

Speaker 22 That's what the cool kids do these days.

Speaker 24 JamesAcasser.com for tickets.

Speaker 1 I'm pretty happy with that.

Speaker 25 Trust.

Speaker 26 It's not just given.

Speaker 27 It's earned.

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And carried on by even the littlest ones.

Speaker 28 Care for their cows, for their land, for their community, and care for you.

Speaker 26 Because when 99% of our dairy farms are family-owned, you're getting generations of tradition you can trust.

Speaker 31 Real California Milk.

Speaker 32 Look for the seal.

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Speaker 43 See Mintmobile.com.

Speaker 44 Hi, folks. It's Mark Bittman from the podcast Food with Mark Bittman.

Speaker 51 You know, whether you are doing traditional Thanksgiving, a friend's giving, or something in between, Whole Foods Market has great everyday prices on all the things you need for Thanksgiving.

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Speaker 58 Well, hello and happy Boxing Day if you're listening to this on Boxing Day in any year.

Speaker 61 Yes,

Speaker 62 happy, I guess, any day you're listening to this on.

Speaker 63 Yes, happy that day, even if it has a name. Oh, they all have names, don't they?

Speaker 65 Happy last day of the world.

Speaker 67 Happy Monday.

Speaker 69 Maybe some of you listen to it on Apocalypse Day.

Speaker 58 It's time to wrap up another year's service at the Dream Restaurant.

Speaker 60 2024 has been a big year for off-menu.

Speaker 58 We released a whopping 57 episodes, discovered that Sebastian Stan really loves pranks, and Danny Dyer swore more than all of our previous guests combined.

Speaker 74 Benito wrote all this.

Speaker 75 Yes, this is the script.

Speaker 8 We're reading it verbatim.

Speaker 78 It's what Benito wrote. Yes.

Speaker 79 Which is my favorite thing every year.

Speaker 80 Yeah, it is.

Speaker 79 Is reading what he's written

Speaker 9 on the best of.

Speaker 6 Welcome to part one of our favorite clips from the last 12 months of off-menu episodes.

Speaker 78 Expect sparkling in italics. He's put that.

Speaker 19 Conversation, delicious jokes and breadloads.

Speaker 9 He's put brackets like shedloads of food chat.

Speaker 85 Actually, Benito didn't write that bit.

Speaker 86 That was all James.

Speaker 61 That was Benito.

Speaker 89 Now it's time for our first section of the best of it's national treasures oh let's start this year's best of by digging for treasure it says treasure treasure it says treasure by digging for treasure we've had national treasures of plenty in the dream restaurant this year danny dyer jessica hines peter capaldi natalie cassidy darren brown rick asley and ray winston that is mad whoa

Speaker 95 I love a roast because we all sit around the table and blank each other.

Speaker 95 But at least we've made the effort to sit around the table yeah so i never when i cook for the kids they always have different things so i can never really cook them the same thing which is the beauty of an air fryer you know so i ain't got to about putting two things in an oven yeah you know like uh like my boy who loves that them little frozen pizzas if i was to make him one like fresh he wouldn't he go no fuck that i don't want it i go my mother

Speaker 95 i bought a pizza oven outside it's cost me five grand

Speaker 95 right when you're not going to eat it no i want the little frozen ones you'd go fucking hell what have i brought up here all have I dragged up?

Speaker 101 Yeah.

Speaker 95 The tip to the little frozen ones is you get your air fryer sort of squirt and you just squirt it on the top.

Speaker 102 Yeah.

Speaker 95 Just to give it a nice little bit of...

Speaker 103 What are you squirting in there? Well, the oil.

Speaker 97 Right, okay. A bit of oil on the top.
Yeah.

Speaker 95 Just so it goes a little bit browner. Yeah.
You know, so because they're horrible, them frozen pieces.

Speaker 104 The little Chicago town pieces. You can never get them right.

Speaker 105 Yeah. Yeah.
Chicago. Yeah.

Speaker 97 Yeah.

Speaker 95 Chicago town.

Speaker 95 And then they're just this fucking bland, fucking, especially the four cheese one that he likes. Yeah.
It's it's one cheese

Speaker 95 there's no way in the fucking world there's four cheeses on it so now and again there's a catsu curry one which fucking hell uh but so so it will have a pepperoni sometimes he'll have a cheese and a pepperoni yeah you know just to mix it up and i'll just do some fries in here frying i see him done chop up a bit of cucumber to make yourself feel better you know yeah see him sort of gnaw around that because he won't really eat veggies and stuff yeah my daughter she's 17 she's

Speaker 95 a little bit more open with food It has to be certain things, certain pastas. You know, like pasta is the same thing, innit? Not the nude pasta, I'm talking about dried pasta.

Speaker 95 No matter what fucking shape it is, it tastes the fucking same, doesn't it? But it has to be, if I do this, I do a vodka pasta, it has to be the little far felli, the dicky bows, yeah.

Speaker 95 And I'm sorry to say this, Will, but it's that they're a cunt to get hold of.

Speaker 109 Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Speaker 95 You know, like penne, sweet rigger tone, you can get hold of the

Speaker 95 fucking far felli, yeah, it's got to be be a certain gaff you got to get it there's the other one the shells it begins with a colour pockets of love now if you do them with a bolognese you know it's uh it's a beautiful thing but they're great because they catch loads of sauce

Speaker 95 yeah little little pockets they're just you know it's beautiful but it's got to be far felly so um so i'd done that for her yesterday anyway so now for the rest of the week i've got to try and come up with i bought a fucking magnet for the fridge right a menu magnet

Speaker 95 i thought what we're going to do, you're going to write down what you want to eat all week so I can get it in all in order. No one's fucking gone near it.

Speaker 95 They're not interested in it. So every morning I go, right, what do you want with dinner tonight? Just so I can get it in order.

Speaker 95 I don't know.

Speaker 95 But I need a rough idea. Just because later when you're hungry,

Speaker 95 because I've legally got to feed you.

Speaker 95 There's a few things I've got to do until you're 18, which is, you know, feed you, get you about.

Speaker 95 You basically just become a cabby and a chef.

Speaker 95 That's the fucking two main things the other thing is every time they turn you hot water tap one there's got to be hot water yeah when it gets cold the radiators have to work that's the other thing yeah and you've got to clothe them yeah but when they're 18 that's it they can fuck off yeah so up to that point i need to know what the fuck do you want to eat yeah so you know uh i i so it's always it's like four different things that's what it is so but so luckily by friday it's a takeaway yeah just get away with it so i don't know what's happening tonight with it there's not been no discussions when i left so that's good so i know it's on me when i get home about what the fuck they're gonna be frozen Oh, that's not in the fridge.

Speaker 95 Oh, why didn't you get that? And because you didn't fucking tell me this morning. But I do love them.

Speaker 74 Yeah, yeah.

Speaker 15 I love them very, very much.

Speaker 95 But

Speaker 95 if you haven't got kids, there's no rush.

Speaker 19 Dream main course.

Speaker 81 Okay. Are you eating this with a spoon?

Speaker 123 You could eat, probably eating with a spoon, but you might want to fork.

Speaker 124 Yeah. Because there's something that I,

Speaker 123 we discovered, we did a lot of tempura during lockdown.

Speaker 126 This was a thing that we did.

Speaker 123 And so this main course is a sort of combo of things. But one of the, I mean, maybe I suppose I could call it a side, but it's on the main plate, but it could also be a side.

Speaker 123 But when we were in lockdown, I had a card that let me go to shop in the cash and carry, which I was registered for VAT, but I didn't think there was a problem with it.

Speaker 123 I don't know, just maybe I'm not running soups and dips yet.

Speaker 123 Maybe I'm just in the kind of R ⁇ D stage, but still I had a cash and carry card.

Speaker 123 So those were the only circumstances which my husband would let me panic buy because obviously cash and carry is that's the point of cash and carry it's all panic buying.

Speaker 123 You know, it's tins and tins and tins of everything and they have big

Speaker 133 lots of everything.

Speaker 123 So it's kind of I've never been in one, but it's my dream to go.

Speaker 64 Oh my God. I can't believe that.

Speaker 123 It is so fun.

Speaker 64 Yeah. It's so fun.

Speaker 135 I bet.

Speaker 136 So one of the things they had there was huge.

Speaker 123 tubs of artichokes. So artichokes, big, solid, lovely artichokes.
So you would buy it. It would seem like an expensive buy.

Speaker 123 It would be quite a lot of your bill because obviously artichokes are expensive.

Speaker 123 But when you kind of worked out how much you were paying for one tub of artichoke, for literally three little slices, it worked out a bargain.

Speaker 124 You may as well.

Speaker 127 So we had quite a lot of artichokes knocking about in the house during lockdown.

Speaker 131 And Tempura was kind of on the menu.

Speaker 123 And then I was like, artichoke, tempura.

Speaker 138 Yeah.

Speaker 123 Let's go there.

Speaker 124 Let's go there.

Speaker 123 And it was out of this world.

Speaker 127 That sounds amazing.

Speaker 140 Artichoke Tempura. Why wouldn't you?

Speaker 142 Because it's like the way an artichoke is, there's layers.

Speaker 60 And so there's surface areas.

Speaker 110 That sounds like the beginning of a...

Speaker 16 The way it is.

Speaker 140 The way an artichoke is.

Speaker 144 The way she is.

Speaker 123 So there's layers, exactly. So that when you kind of, you know, cook it like that, it kind of holds its shape, obviously, because they were really good proper.
They were kind of inbrine.

Speaker 123 So they weren't too slimy and squidgy. They still had a little bit of crunch.
They were good kind of cured artichokes, if you like.

Speaker 124 And they work brilliantly temporarily.

Speaker 64 So that would be a feature in my main course.

Speaker 63 How big was the top of artichokes?

Speaker 145 I think we'd all all know some of them.

Speaker 146 Okay,

Speaker 128 like, okay, let me just try to think of it.

Speaker 133 Like, how could I describe it in this context?

Speaker 123 I mean,

Speaker 124 I was going to say bucket, but that would be too big. So not a bucket.

Speaker 123 Not a bucket.

Speaker 127 Not a bucket.

Speaker 124 Look a small bucket.

Speaker 29 A small bucket.

Speaker 124 A small, kind of a very, very large jar.

Speaker 123 So like, if you imagine the largest jar, like an unreasonably large jar that you would never find in any vase?

Speaker 127 It depends on the vase. I mean, this is a vase.

Speaker 79 Also, I think a few people might be be listening to this and thinking that they've got a very different definition of panic buying than you have.

Speaker 64 Right.

Speaker 152 Because you panic bought a tup of artichokes.

Speaker 120 We all remember that part of lockdown.

Speaker 105 Yeah.

Speaker 86 Where everyone went mad and bought up all the artichokes and you couldn't find money.

Speaker 143 That's it.

Speaker 123 My husband was extremely like...

Speaker 123 like strict so we would go we would go like about not panic buying yeah it was like absolutely so but he was almost so worried about it that we would go shopping and i would put two bags of muesley and he would would say, Put that back, put one back.

Speaker 123 I was like, I think it's normal to buy two bags of muesley, but he wouldn't allow it.

Speaker 124 Even outside of a pandemic, outside the pandemic, I would buy two bags of muesley, but it was not allowed.

Speaker 123 So I have to put one.

Speaker 134 You have a muesley every morning.

Speaker 154 You don't want to buy muesley every single week.

Speaker 155 Yeah, buy two bags. That makes sense,

Speaker 108 regardless of the global health situation.

Speaker 157 If it wasn't for your uh wimp husband, how much uh no, you could, you called him it.

Speaker 25 No, we edited it out.

Speaker 123 No, no, I did not call him that.

Speaker 123 He was a good citizen.

Speaker 16 Better than me. Square?

Speaker 124 No, good citizen.

Speaker 160 So it wasn't for your good citizen of a husband.

Speaker 151 Yeah, thank you.

Speaker 21 How much do you think you would have bought of some? Do you think you would have panicked about it?

Speaker 158 We don't want to

Speaker 128 have it. No, I would have.

Speaker 123 I mean, although in some cases,

Speaker 123 when things eased, I did then buy.

Speaker 124 Okay, we're still eating brown rice.

Speaker 123 And in fact, chickpeas and in fact lentils.

Speaker 58 Do you buy the big sacks of rice?

Speaker 161 Oh, yeah.

Speaker 123 It came in boxes.

Speaker 124 So, yeah.

Speaker 162 So, yes.

Speaker 123 Yeah, yeah. I had to buy buckets so it didn't go off.
But I felt like that was okay because it's not like I'm going to the shops and then clearing.

Speaker 123 I was buying it from somewhere that all wanted to sell me lentils in bulk.

Speaker 123 Does that count as panic buying? Not really.

Speaker 134 Not if you're still having it.

Speaker 110 It's not like... No.

Speaker 64 Yeah.

Speaker 22 I guess everyone who's walking around catching carry is probably not panicking.

Speaker 127 But I will tell you this.

Speaker 64 When it all arrived.

Speaker 166 when it all arrived the first time,

Speaker 166 my husband was like, what is this?

Speaker 123 I said, I've bought some things in bulk from, you know, wholesaler, stuff that I think that would be useful.

Speaker 123 And he sat down, he said, I've done the calculations.

Speaker 170 If we eat this foodstuff every meal.

Speaker 171 we will still be eating it in seven years

Speaker 131 he said you are going to have to send half of this back

Speaker 124 so i did I did.

Speaker 165 I sent half of it back

Speaker 133 because it was just completely.

Speaker 114 Well, they probably thought you were like a survivalist or something.

Speaker 156 Yeah.

Speaker 131 And to a certain extent, in the moment, I felt like that's maybe what it was.

Speaker 123 So, but anyway, so I did have to send half of it back.

Speaker 64 Sure.

Speaker 123 See, I've learned how to make lentil soup.

Speaker 175 So yeah, that explains your startup.

Speaker 179 That explains why lentil soup is.

Speaker 180 What time

Speaker 180 is lentil soup again?

Speaker 178 You're peeling chickpeas, making your own hummus.

Speaker 181 Yeah, so far, every single dish has been things that that you've panicked for during the pandemic.

Speaker 90 Toilet paper for dessert.

Speaker 184 That was one thing we didn't panic for.

Speaker 173 No, that was not.

Speaker 124 I never understood that.

Speaker 64 Never understood that.

Speaker 63 Or hook.

Speaker 58 Hook's the other big role, I think.

Speaker 63 Hook.

Speaker 107 Yeah. Yeah, yeah.

Speaker 108 I've been offered that.

Speaker 185 Yeah, because hook, you also play, but that's not panto, really.

Speaker 186 It's pizza pan.

Speaker 188 Yeah, but that's you can do a panto, peter paton, peter panto.

Speaker 185 I guess so.

Speaker 186 But when you play hook, you also get to play Mr. Darling.

Speaker 189 Yes,

Speaker 64 that's traditions that you play.

Speaker 186 There's all all these traditions in Panto that you have to follow. It's also to do with how much money they've got, so they can't afford a Mr.
Darling.

Speaker 110 Yeah.

Speaker 186 So they get Captain Hook to play Mr. Darling also.
And of course, obviously, Captain Hook's hook is a measure of how good the pantomime is.

Speaker 66 Oh, yeah, of course.

Speaker 193 The same with the lamp.

Speaker 186 Yeah, same with the lamp, because if you get just like a plastic

Speaker 53 Woolworths kind of hook, you know, like you're Aladdin lamp,

Speaker 186 it's not going to impress the audience very much.

Speaker 195 No, no, you need a proper sharpened hook, don't you?

Speaker 190 Yeah, and also you can obviously the actors

Speaker 194 knob of metal or grey plastic

Speaker 185 on top of his hand. Yeah.

Speaker 186 And the hook comes out at the end of that. Where obviously, if his hand had been removed, there'd be space there.

Speaker 185 So the hook would be farther up.

Speaker 196 So I don't know how you do that.

Speaker 105 So the Palladium Panther, they actually remove the actor's hand to

Speaker 64 stop me attaching it.

Speaker 194 Who are the stars of that this year?

Speaker 134 I don't know who it is this year, but certainly the years I've been. Big names.

Speaker 58 Big names and then also regulars as well.

Speaker 198 So we're talking Clary.

Speaker 69 He's in it a lot. I love him.

Speaker 154 Havers is in it a lot as well.

Speaker 199 Is Havers in it this year?

Speaker 36 Nigel Havers, I've never seen anyone have a better time than Nigel Havers doing the Palladium Panto.

Speaker 36 He's having a scream, that guy.

Speaker 97 Yes.

Speaker 190 He seems to have a scream most of the time.

Speaker 168 Yeah.

Speaker 186 He seems a very happy fella.

Speaker 202 Yeah. Have you crossed paths with Havers?

Speaker 108 I don't think I have. Wow.

Speaker 190 I don't think I've. He's got his own theatre company now.

Speaker 186 He's doing private lives with Patricia Horch.

Speaker 204 There you go. Marvellous.

Speaker 205 I have literally crossed paths with Havers before.

Speaker 188 Near where I used to live, I went for a run and I ran past Nigel Havers.

Speaker 186 Well, that's ironic because he first came to fame via Chariots of Fire. Yes, of course.
Very famous scene for all the young men running on the beach. Yeah.
And I can see you there.

Speaker 203 Yeah.

Speaker 206 Well, I don't run as well as that. He was probably looking at me.

Speaker 186 Was he running or did he have a croissant?

Speaker 70 Cup of coffee. It was quisson vibes.
He was strolling, had a big scarf on, that sort of thing.

Speaker 145 Of course.

Speaker 37 You can't run anything.

Speaker 209 I mean, after you've been in Chariots of Fire, it's like you can't go running in public if you're Nigel Havers.

Speaker 109 Everybody starts singing that theme tune at you or whatever.

Speaker 74 You can't do it.

Speaker 105 I crossed paths with you once, Peter. Oh, yeah?

Speaker 72 Yeah. Asked you for directions.

Speaker 105 Oh, was I? It's fine if you don't remember.

Speaker 168 Was I nice or not nice?

Speaker 92 You were lovely.

Speaker 58 You knew where the place was.

Speaker 72 You gave me successful directions.

Speaker 63 I'll tell you what happened.

Speaker 36 I was going for an audition.

Speaker 85 This was many years ago, and it was at the American Church on Tottenham Court Road.

Speaker 86 And I'd never been there before.

Speaker 63 And I was a bit late and I was really panicking.

Speaker 86 Yeah.

Speaker 85 Because I didn't know where it was. And then I saw you and I thought, Peter Capell, he'll he'll know where the American church is.

Speaker 107 All right.

Speaker 211 And you directed me straight there.

Speaker 157 That's fantastic. Yeah.

Speaker 60 It was the most successful bit of that day, I tell you.

Speaker 185 Did you get the job?

Speaker 64 No.

Speaker 63 It was five lines to play Warren Beatty in a drama about Barbara Windsor's life.

Speaker 168 I can see the Warren Beatty kind of

Speaker 111 thing now.

Speaker 60 That's what the casting director said.

Speaker 36 And then I started doing the lines and she looked very disappointed.

Speaker 186 She shouldn't have.

Speaker 69 I think you look like a dead ringer.

Speaker 168 I was on Graham Norton with Warren Beatty.

Speaker 97 Were you? Yeah, yeah.

Speaker 185 And he was really, really nice.

Speaker 186 But he did that thing that big stars tend to do.

Speaker 190 He said to me, when you're in LA, we must have dinner.

Speaker 108 And I said, yeah, of course, that'd be great. And that was it.

Speaker 213 But how do you do that?

Speaker 97 Do I, what happens?

Speaker 208 Do I go to LA and try, because you don't get, you give me a card or a number or anything like that.

Speaker 186 Who don't get in touch with Graham Norton and say, have you got a contact number for

Speaker 190 Warren? And do I call him and

Speaker 186 do I get through to his people?

Speaker 214 How does that work? Do you want to go for a meal with Ed instead and pretend he's one of the things that you're going to be able to do as we will?

Speaker 199 Thank you for coming on.

Speaker 80 No worries.

Speaker 185 Obviously, I would love to.

Speaker 168 But at the moment, things are really...

Speaker 16 Sure, you've got a criminal record, can't you? You've got stuff to do

Speaker 108 with the show and stuff. Yeah.

Speaker 97 Thank you anyway.

Speaker 86 I quite like flat sparkling water, though.

Speaker 216 What, like a soda water?

Speaker 58 Like a soda water, but leaving it to go flat.

Speaker 172 Because it tastes different.

Speaker 210 We've mentioned it on the podcast before.

Speaker 211 I don't know why that when you leave sparkling water to go flat, it should just taste like still water, shouldn't it?

Speaker 188 But it doesn't.

Speaker 70 It's got its own flavour.

Speaker 151 Yeah, I don't like that.

Speaker 115 What do you think of Ed that he likes it? What do you think of Ed?

Speaker 219 Now?

Speaker 140 I'm wondering how you got there.

Speaker 216 And I'm wondering if you had sparkling pint of sparkling water next to your bed that went flat and then had it and liked it.

Speaker 64 Do you remember how that happened?

Speaker 220 You know what?

Speaker 24 It might have been maybe in a hotel or something on tour where, you know, you go into a hotel and there might be a bottle of still and a bottle of sparkling.

Speaker 211 I'm drinking the still first of all.

Speaker 211 And then I might get back later and be like, I'm going to have some water. And it's sparkling.
A couple of sips.

Speaker 210 Oh, I can't have sparkling before bed.

Speaker 70 Pop it on the bedside table, wake up in the morning.

Speaker 99 Oh, I need some water. Hello.

Speaker 80 So, yeah. That's him saying hello to the water.

Speaker 151 Not to like the cleaner or someone who's coming.

Speaker 68 Yeah, the hotel manager.

Speaker 111 And I would, I think, knowing me, I would say hello to the water out loud if I was by myself.

Speaker 216 Yeah, I say hello to inanimate objects quite a lot of the time. Yeah.

Speaker 88 Yeah. Can you remember some inanimate objects you said hello to?

Speaker 130 I like to do it.

Speaker 216 If I've got coats on the banister, I'll talk to them. I'll go, right, come on.

Speaker 223 Time to get you away.

Speaker 121 Time to get you away.

Speaker 216 Because they're on the banister. So let's get out in the cupboard.
I go, come on now.

Speaker 158 Let's get you away.

Speaker 151 Stop hanging out on the banister.

Speaker 67 You've had your phone.

Speaker 97 Yep, we've been out for long enough.

Speaker 224 You've had your airing.

Speaker 128 Get back in the cupboard.

Speaker 115 That's good. I'm trying to think if I speak to any young animal.

Speaker 188 Yeah, we do need to hear that.

Speaker 76 I mean, I just...

Speaker 59 You've got four cats, though, so I think you get a lot of your talking out.

Speaker 107 You've got four cats. And

Speaker 214 I had a friend's day for five days recently, and that made me realize how often I say hello to the cats.

Speaker 221 It's every time I see them.

Speaker 208 I say hello to to them individually by name and I realize how much it was not annoying my friend but like how he must think I'm just bonkers.

Speaker 122 Yeah.

Speaker 5 I'm just constantly saying hello to them.

Speaker 216 What children do to parents?

Speaker 97 Yeah.

Speaker 216 So I won't really say hello Eliza every time I see her or hello Joni.

Speaker 229 I don't do that. But they go mum mum mum mum mum mum mum mum mummy mummy mummy.

Speaker 130 And that's what you're doing to your cats.

Speaker 110 Yeah.

Speaker 70 Even in the course of one conversation so they'll get your attention with mum. You'll say something back and then they'll say mum again and say something.

Speaker 108 You say mum all the time.

Speaker 63 I just, I don't like it when waiters point at your food.

Speaker 233 I don't like it when they get really close with their finger. Maybe this is just like a nicer restaurant thing.

Speaker 234 But has anybody else brought this one up?

Speaker 21 No,

Speaker 21 no, I'm not sure.

Speaker 164 They're popping. We're not at the point in.
Yeah.

Speaker 236 Okay. All right.

Speaker 158 I'm going to work alphabetically through my thing.

Speaker 233 So yeah, that thing with the finger, when they come in, they go, this is a carrot, and they're pointing.

Speaker 142 And they're not actually touching the food, because you can slide a sheet of paper between the fingers of the food, to prove it.

Speaker 232 But

Speaker 236 that's an annoying habit that I don't like. It's sort of like

Speaker 236 operation in the game. It's like that.

Speaker 211 Where they hover it just above.

Speaker 63 Have you ever been tempted to get your plate and just move it up really quickly so their finger goes right into the food?

Speaker 15 You have to grab the whole table.

Speaker 191 No, no, you could do the whole table.

Speaker 232 No, you'd grab the plate and lift them.

Speaker 238 No, I haven't done that, but that would defeat the point because contamination is the risk.

Speaker 210 Yeah, but then you'd get a new one, right?

Speaker 64 But they'd be

Speaker 219 give you a new one if you just lifted the tape up into their finger i'll tell you who would struggle with that martin freeman he's very weak he can't even lift a plate oh he was on my show being weak i said i thought you were just being mean about him no no no

Speaker 154 darren brown got him to lift a plate he couldn't lift a plate you can just say darren when he's in the room james

Speaker 77 put a phone on the back of his neck He told him all the stuff about crystals.

Speaker 160 He said it's really powerful. He said this is...

Speaker 68 God, yeah.

Speaker 192 He said, Martin, this is a really powerful phone.

Speaker 69 And then you couldn't lift the things up, he couldn't lift stuff up, he couldn't lift a pencil up.

Speaker 66 That's right, he couldn't lift a plate up.

Speaker 64 It was embarrassing.

Speaker 68 It's a plate with like a sandwich on it.

Speaker 98 That's right. God, yes.

Speaker 63 We've watched all your stuff.

Speaker 242 You have, as you know, you've done your research.

Speaker 80 We know it all.

Speaker 243 But like, yeah, I mean, when you're doing something like that with someone like Martin Freeman, are you like, man, you're going to, I'm going to make you look so weak on TV.

Speaker 191 You're loving it. I don't think anyone remembers that.

Speaker 15 Apart from the fact, he is brilliant, but

Speaker 233 I don't think anyone's ever mentioned the making Martin Freeman weak weak skit.

Speaker 28 That's very niche.

Speaker 67 It's a good one. Yeah, it's a good one.

Speaker 102 Maybe he mentions it. Maybe he mentions it.

Speaker 68 I think we had him on the podcast.

Speaker 196 Maybe we did bring it up. I don't know if we brought it up or not.

Speaker 64 So he was very well dressed. Yeah.

Speaker 164 Very well dressed. It was during lockdown.

Speaker 179 He was on Zoom.

Speaker 237 So we were on Zoom because he saw it really.

Speaker 64 I wasn't we surprised if he's still dicky though.

Speaker 102 He still looked pretty good, I bet.

Speaker 211 But I like that your interpretation of it is, wasn't Martin Freeman embarrassed when he came out and said he was weak?

Speaker 70 But he probably just thought, oh, I'm on a Darren Brown show and Darren's done a trick on me.

Speaker 66 No, because Darren used when Darren told him all the stuff, when Devin was like, All that stuff I told you was nonsense, by the way.

Speaker 88 You could tell he was like, I'm just a weak man.

Speaker 244 In his eyes, it was like, Oh, no.

Speaker 65 You give him a whole spiel about how the energy in crystals is the same as our energy in the middle.

Speaker 29 I'm really trying to remember what it was.

Speaker 199 It was so long ago.

Speaker 195 The vibrations in the phones are the same as the vibrations in the crystals.

Speaker 164 I'm going to put it on the back of your neck now, Martin.

Speaker 151 Now try and lift this.

Speaker 22 He can't lift a plate.

Speaker 80 He can't lift a pen.

Speaker 236 Ultimately, I'm cleverer than you is the bottom line of anything I do.

Speaker 30 That's the take-home. take-home, yeah, yeah.

Speaker 246 That's the take-home, especially for Martin Freeman.

Speaker 90 Stronger man, that's so much stronger than Martin Freeman.

Speaker 97 Stronger man than you.

Speaker 43 Pop-loves or bread! Pop-loves our bread, Darren Brown.

Speaker 169 Pop-loves our bread.

Speaker 15 Bleed, Jesus.

Speaker 233 The bread. I'm going for the...

Speaker 233 There's a group. I used to live not far from Dalston, and there is a place there called the Dusty Knuckle.

Speaker 81 Do you know it? Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Speaker 238 And I found out many years later that they

Speaker 64 employ, I think it's people, ex-prisoners, perhaps.

Speaker 233 Which, given it's got a slightly charitable edge to it, you might expect that to sort of take the edge off the quality of the bread, if anything.

Speaker 80 But it doesn't.

Speaker 239 It's still bread-focused and charity-focused.

Speaker 236 Yeah, exactly.

Speaker 250 So I fell in love with that when I lived in London, haven't had it for a while, but they're sourdough.

Speaker 238 Of late, I've discovered, I've been in Bristol a lot recently, and Hearts Bakery in Bristol also does a very good.

Speaker 233 And also Reg the Veg, which is the world's greatest

Speaker 64 grossest.

Speaker 29 Yeah, Reg the Veg.

Speaker 111 Is Hearts the one that's under like this temple meter?

Speaker 16 You can't even go down there.

Speaker 97 Phenomenal place.

Speaker 64 That is definitely a heart of it. Really, really good.

Speaker 9 Great sausage rolls.

Speaker 93 Very good sausage rolls.

Speaker 86 Yeah, I love that place. It's brilliant.

Speaker 108 Oh, there you go.

Speaker 103 There you go.

Speaker 12 So, yeah, I'd go for a really good sourdough.

Speaker 88 A nice sourdough.

Speaker 211 Yeah.

Speaker 233 It's sort of the hipster of the bread bowl, isn't it? I sort of hate myself saying it.

Speaker 142 But it is tasty, though, isn't it?

Speaker 154 That's the thing.

Speaker 198 It is.

Speaker 64 And butter?

Speaker 233 Warm butter, yeah, none of the oil nonsense.

Speaker 236 Yeah, yeah, warm and butter.

Speaker 107 A little bit of salt, crack salt, and that lovely.

Speaker 238 lovely. I never know whether when it's warm, you feel they've just cooked it.
It probably isn't. They probably just stick it in the microwave for a bit or warm it up.
But I, yeah.

Speaker 208 For the dream, you want it out, you know, just cooked, right?

Speaker 226 We won't microwave it in the dream restaurant.

Speaker 191 No, you wouldn't do that.

Speaker 236 There wouldn't be a microwave in the dream restaurant.

Speaker 251 This is all all bread is fresh out of the oven. Yeah.

Speaker 196 Wow. Have you ever baked yourself?

Speaker 252 No, not myself.

Speaker 187 Is that the next TV show?

Speaker 90 Yeah, that's the finale.

Speaker 231 You're still writing this show, this live show.

Speaker 97 Finale.

Speaker 16 You bake your bake myself.

Speaker 78 You bake yourself.

Speaker 12 I tried to...

Speaker 233 I had the lockdown thing.

Speaker 196 I tried it like I did like a lemon drizzle and a couple of things.

Speaker 102 And then that was it.

Speaker 191 Did you? Did you embrace it?

Speaker 24 Didn't do any baking.

Speaker 211 Realized very quickly that shops were still open and stuff.

Speaker 86 You could go and get a loaf of bread.

Speaker 236 You could buy your own

Speaker 236 scones.

Speaker 88 You mainly did barbecuing.

Speaker 189 I did this guy.

Speaker 189 Oh, that's nice.

Speaker 96 I'm making rotisserie chicken quite a lot at the moment.

Speaker 102 I've got rotisserie in my new oven.

Speaker 236 Nice. That's nice.

Speaker 5 That is fun.

Speaker 233 Do you find I would find it very easy to just watch it yeah yeah you do you put the light on you just sit and sit and watch it grab a stool or a cushion and listen i don't want to be keep on chipping in ideas for you

Speaker 3 but you've got to find new ways of hypnotizing people you have a rotating chicken watch your watch a rotivity chicken you go into a trance that would have an idea yeah yeah yeah that's yeah yeah that's not a toy is it that kind of stuff

Speaker 64 yeah okay brilliant brilliant idea yeah a giant giant chicken clearly fake but a giant chicken on stage rotating yeah yeah yeah yeah okay and they get hypnotised, and then when they're hypnotised, you swap them with the chicken, and then they wake up and they're spinning on the spit, and you're like...

Speaker 233 And it's little chickens in the audience now.

Speaker 41 And the audience is full of chicken.

Speaker 64 But the chicken's headless, because

Speaker 200 how are they watching?

Speaker 102 You haven't thought this through?

Speaker 219 No, I haven't thought it through.

Speaker 254 They're headless at first, then you restore the heads a bit with magic.

Speaker 90 I love as we're talking, Ben's just like making noise.

Speaker 38 Ben's writing stuff down.

Speaker 80 Every time Ben writes stuff down, you know.

Speaker 70 Well, no, Ben's probably writing down the idea for the trick, and then he's going to do it himself.

Speaker 256 Ben used used to be a magician

Speaker 160 when he was a little boy.

Speaker 164 It's why his nickname is the Great Benito because he called himself the Great Benito. He had a waistcoat and a magic box and everything.

Speaker 88 And we put on magic tricks in the living room, calling himself the Great Benito.

Speaker 257 So he probably is writing down ideas for his magic show.

Speaker 253 Silently.

Speaker 189 Do you ever have that in your shows?

Speaker 88 Can you ever look out and spot a magician in the audience, like a fellow, and go, oh, they're watching this differently?

Speaker 151 And I'm not sure.

Speaker 207 They make notes like Ben does. Yeah.
Yeah,

Speaker 102 gags and things and they write them down. It's a little bit, a little bit annoying.

Speaker 64 Yeah.

Speaker 108 A little bit here, I say.

Speaker 196 Oh, your dream drink then?

Speaker 37 So we got that nice salad?

Speaker 96 It's a Chardonnay. It's an Italian Chardonnay.

Speaker 108 It's

Speaker 96 antenori, basically. And the reason I'm sort of like stumbling over saying that and everything is because of how expensive it is.

Speaker 96 It's ludicrously expensive.

Speaker 86 And it wouldn't be an everyday, you know.

Speaker 96 but I'm in my favorite restaurant, Dream Restaurant, you know, all the rest of it. Why not?

Speaker 96 Again, you don't don't see it everywhere but when you see it and i had a very weird experience in italy recently and that was that it's a long story but i was picking i don't fly that often so i drive everywhere like you know i've driven to budapest a few times and southern portugal outer northern norway and everywhere i've driven across america a few times and round australia because i don't like flying that much yeah i do do it obviously but i'm saying i cut it down and i like doing the drive as well and also i think i've done an awful lot of traveling especially when i was younger where I was on planes all the freaking time.

Speaker 96 And you arrive somewhere and you go, oh, okay, I'm in the back of a car and I saw this and I saw that.

Speaker 96 And then I've been to Rome, but I've got no freaking clue about Italy or what it's like or anything. And driving there, you get a sense of it because you just stay in places and do stuff.

Speaker 96 Anyway, on with the story. So I'm going to pick my wife and a friend up in the airport in Rome.

Speaker 96 So the night before, I just stayed outside of Rome on the coast, actually, funnily enough, in a little place, not a fancy place at all. It was just me.

Speaker 96 And very often I'll just think, I'm not going to spend a fortune.

Speaker 96 i'm only going to be there to sleep so da da and i go downstairs and i went into the little restaurant they had and it was it was like there was nothing it was lovely but there's nothing amazing about this place not what you're expecting i'm looking on the wine list and i see this wine i sort of think no no no hang on a second and it has got a younger brother by the way yeah which is about half the price yeah but i kept reading it going i think what they've done is here they've it's the younger brother but they've written it like it's the big brother yeah right so i said can i have a look at that wine and he said yeah so over he goes or i think maybe i went to their wine cabinet and had a look at it.

Speaker 96 They had like a glass, you know. I thought, no, that's pretty much, that's, you know.
And it was literally the big brother. It was stupid, the price of it.

Speaker 96 It was like, so much so that when I told my wife and her friend the day after, they said, well, perhaps we should just go back and buy everything they've got.

Speaker 21 It was too cheap.

Speaker 237 Yeah.

Speaker 169 I know, and I felt guilty about it.

Speaker 96 Actually, I kept thinking, no, no, I should have told them, should have told them. And anyway, whatever.
It's been a dilemma ever since.

Speaker 96 But it is phenomenal, this wine. And my favorite wine anyway is Chardonnay.
And Chardonnay's got a bit of a bad rep, I think, over the last 15 years. Oh, Chardonnay, I don't want to drink that.

Speaker 96 Footballers call their kids Chardonnay. I don't want to drink that nonsense.
Which is absolute bollocks because the finest white burgundy you can possibly have is Chardonnay.

Speaker 96 People just don't call it that necessarily up front because it's sort of frightened everyone into thinking it's like, you know, do you know what I mean?

Speaker 90 Chardonnay.

Speaker 217 Well, there was that ABC thing for a long time, is it?

Speaker 97 Yeah, absolutely. And

Speaker 94 yeah, yeah, yeah.

Speaker 96 And it's sort of got a bit of a bad rep. And it sort of annoys me when I go into a restaurant and they don't have a Chardonnay by the glass.

Speaker 96 It really annoys me because I'm like, you're reacting to that. You're not reacting to whether it's good or not.

Speaker 96 And we've traveled a lot in America and got a lot of American friends. And some of their Chardonnays are just unbelievable.

Speaker 110 My daughter.

Speaker 96 and quite a few of her friends and family friends have this thing about me liking buttery chardonnay yeah so much so that it's almost become ridiculous so that like if we're having a glass of wine like in Copenhagen and stuff, they're all looking at me, waiting for me to go,

Speaker 237 that's buttery.

Speaker 96 Is it buttery, Rick?

Speaker 159 You know what I mean?

Speaker 156 It's become like this sort of thing.

Speaker 70 But anyway, that is such a classic dad-bullying thing. Yeah.

Speaker 101 You find the thing.

Speaker 214 You find the one bit of happiness your dad has.

Speaker 80 Yeah.

Speaker 175 And then destroy it.

Speaker 68 And then you make it a thing of mop.

Speaker 65 You always start with still a sparkling water.

Speaker 208 Do you have a preference? Sparkling.

Speaker 64 Straight away.

Speaker 198 Always sparkling. yeah

Speaker 96 it's a bit more interesting isn't it there's always something

Speaker 16 you get a big half a lemon and squeeze it in there you got half a lemon squeezed in yeah bang if you're gonna have a drink have a proper drink you know yeah yeah you know don't mess around you know water's water that's all it is yeah it's very good we need it to live yeah but it's you know you can fancy it up a little bit yeah nice Do you have a particular sparkling water that you like?

Speaker 81 No, they're all the same, believe me.

Speaker 16 You know, some are more sparkling than others, I know.

Speaker 259 But yeah,

Speaker 95 it's a load of cobblers, really.

Speaker 259 Someone's getting a lot of money out of bottling water.

Speaker 81 It should be free. It's natural, you know.

Speaker 63 You sound like what I'm getting so far,

Speaker 202 you trust people.

Speaker 16 Especially in, I'm in South London, I've got to be very careful over it.

Speaker 255 Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, yeah.

Speaker 105 Are there a lot of sort of sparkling water gangsters over there?

Speaker 97 Yeah, Millwall. Yeah.

Speaker 154 I didn't know Millwall had got into the sparkling water.

Speaker 191 They into everything. Yeah, believe me.

Speaker 259 I'm glad that you're squeezing the lemon in there as well some people just put the lemon wedge in or it depends how much lemon you like yeah if you just want a a little bit of an aroma going on then you just drop it in yeah but if you like a lot of lemon yeah you've got to squeeze it in yeah yeah yeah especially with ice got ever ice yeah Are you doing the crushed ice?

Speaker 21 I imagine you would because you're talking about the squeeze on that lemon.

Speaker 16 A crushed ice is lovely, but it melts very quick.

Speaker 256 Yeah.

Speaker 259 With spoken water, you want chunks.

Speaker 110 Chunks. Yeah.

Speaker 265 Big chunky ice. Yeah.

Speaker 105 I agree with the squeezing squeezing the lemon one.

Speaker 70 When people put a wedge in, or like if I have a gin and tonic or something, and there's like a wedge of lime in there, some people just leave it to bob around.

Speaker 64 It's not doing anything.

Speaker 259 Well, I usually leave the lemon in there if I'm having a Vulcan coat or something like that. Leave it in every time so I know how many I've had.

Speaker 154 So when you're making another one, you put a fresh one.

Speaker 259 You put a free one in and a fresh one in, and you know how many drinks you've had.

Speaker 90 That is genius.

Speaker 211 And then how many lemons would have to be in there for you to say, I'm not going to have another one?

Speaker 261 When you can't get no more drinking.

Speaker 195 Where's a glass of lemon yeah what is a big glass of lemon

Speaker 78 man what a lot of treasures we had a big load of trash from national treasure zed to celebrity stories our guests have dished the dirt on their famous encounters let's hear from rhys nicholson jada pinkett smith and finn wolfhardt

Speaker 99 We went to this restaurant Gimlet in Melbourne and Gordon Ramsey was there.

Speaker 97 Yes. Was he? Yeah.

Speaker 83 And he walked through the kitchen to go to the toilet.

Speaker 108 Yeah.

Speaker 81 It's like you walking around the bar.

Speaker 64 Yeah.

Speaker 189 That's a power move. Yeah.

Speaker 228 And I don't think he even, because in my head it was like, oh, he must be walking through going, great job, guys.

Speaker 254 Great job, guys. Nap, just walked through.
Sorry, got a shit.

Speaker 207 Yeah.

Speaker 206 It was exciting, though, wasn't it? Yeah.

Speaker 70 To see Ramsey.

Speaker 214 Well, and a few weeks before, the Obamas had been there.

Speaker 228 And classic hospitality. I found this out.

Speaker 71 This is all.

Speaker 152 We were having dinner at Ben's house and there were some chefs there.

Speaker 228 And we found out it was one of the chefs from Gimlet. And he said, oh, yeah, the halfway through the dinner, he mentioned that the Obama's at his restaurant tonight.

Speaker 155 And the dinner stopped. We were like, excuse me?

Speaker 268 What are you doing here?

Speaker 228 And he was like, oh, but I kind of understand. He was a little bit like, why, you know, it's like a hospitality mindset.
I love chefs and people that their whole lives are about hospitality because...

Speaker 228 I said, oh, are they in the private dining room? And he went, oh, no, it was booked.

Speaker 29 But, you know, I mean, it's like, I can't, I respect it so much more because it was about, no, it's, I don't care who you are.

Speaker 81 It's booked. Yeah, yeah.

Speaker 228 And so that was very impressive.

Speaker 150 And apparently, yeah, they

Speaker 228 sat like the Obamas just sitting out with Secret Service at tables around them, eating a good time.

Speaker 230 Great.

Speaker 208 I would have wanted to work that night if I was. I mean,

Speaker 177 that's still paying bombs just to be there.

Speaker 268 It would have been a buzz to be there.

Speaker 150 But what do you actually...

Speaker 150 I think I prefer the story. that I didn't go.

Speaker 251 You didn't go.

Speaker 228 I think there's more satisfaction.

Speaker 80 The payoff you get to meet a president.

Speaker 195 I think to decide not to meet a

Speaker 207 is pretty fun.

Speaker 142 If you were working there, James, say you were a waiter there and you were assigned to the apartment's table.

Speaker 108 Yes.

Speaker 198 How are you playing it?

Speaker 80 Full erection whole time?

Speaker 77 Napkins going on.

Speaker 267 Are you saying anything specific?

Speaker 266 Or are you just treating them like normal customers? Or are you trying any little jokes? Are you asking them any questions?

Speaker 209 It's a very good question, actually.

Speaker 68 I think I'd try and play it cool to begin with.

Speaker 69 Yeah. Definitely.

Speaker 214 But then, like, I think probably pretty quickly I'd go into like asking them questions.

Speaker 217 Yeah, confess you're drunk within two seconds.

Speaker 79 I mean, actually, to be honest, if I'm going to go by a recent experience when I met, I met Andrew Garfield the other day.

Speaker 214 Oh, my God.

Speaker 78 And I did not.

Speaker 204 He hates Mondays.

Speaker 97 I did not play. No way.

Speaker 80 I did not play that cool.

Speaker 30 No.

Speaker 121 And he's not the Obamas.

Speaker 122 No. So I think.

Speaker 268 He's not. And that's not an insult to Andrew Garfield.

Speaker 80 I'm sure he'd agree that he's the happiest film he's ever been in.

Speaker 227 I was, I was, it was at a festival and I was drunk. Yeah.
My lying to him.

Speaker 257 I'd never met him before.

Speaker 219 And he was chatting to Nish Kumar gets another shout out. Yeah.

Speaker 29 Everyone loves Nish.

Speaker 115 He's chatting to Nish.

Speaker 80 I couldn't see who it was.

Speaker 239 Nish is just chatting to someone at Glastonbury.

Speaker 84 I walk up if I realise who it is.

Speaker 81 I go, Garfield, you motherfucker.

Speaker 269 Right.

Speaker 87 Another person we can't have on the podcast.

Speaker 21 Oh, boy. Oh, no.

Speaker 262 Well, he just got a Lafan, yeah.

Speaker 20 His response is pretty good.

Speaker 23 He goes hey Castor you cunt

Speaker 170 I was like that sounds pretty good.

Speaker 64 But then

Speaker 271 me and Nick proceeded to just tell him about all of his films for like

Speaker 160 a long time.

Speaker 79 Yeah, and that so that's ruined.

Speaker 80 Yeah.

Speaker 227 Yeah. Now we've ruined it.

Speaker 76 Did he have to do make excuses and leave?

Speaker 254 Yeah, eventually.

Speaker 17 But like we were we had him there for quite a while.

Speaker 175 Had him there. Had him there.

Speaker 255 You know, he couldn't get away for a bit.

Speaker 64 Yeah, he was in a corner.

Speaker 122 Yeah.

Speaker 274 I've never understood the concept of just walking up to someone you admire just to meet them yeah like it's like similar like but you met him in the right way like you met him in like let's say the story no no you did go offield you motherfucker you didn't handle it well but you're in the right circumstances you could have we've got mutual friends yeah well that's how niche started talking to him yeah but also i just watched silence the scorsety film had done it for the first time i'd never seen it before So that's what I said.

Speaker 80 So I said, I called him a motherfucker.

Speaker 164 And then I sat down and it was like, I saw Silence the other week.

Speaker 68 Man, you're telling people to trample trample all the way through that film you keep telling them to trample cuz you're telling people to trample on the Bible and he was like yeah you like the trampling stuff I was like yeah you just tell them to trample all the time like

Speaker 277 oh my god so not it wasn't even I loved it

Speaker 156 great performance

Speaker 64 it's more look these are some of your lines Andrew yeah but that was my favorite bit was how much he kept telling people to trample so I was like that's great I told him that seeing Spider-Man 2 in the cinema was the worst experience I've ever had in the cinema.

Speaker 113 Oh mate, it's like not because of him.

Speaker 97 Not because of him.

Speaker 43 Honestly, it's not.

Speaker 152 It's because of the people in the cinema

Speaker 237 when you go to cafe gratitude do you order in the way they want you to you know you have to say i am the name of the dish no no don't do that um i am humbled i am yeah worthy yeah exactly no i just go oh man can i have um the gratitude bowl

Speaker 159 and then they go oh i am

Speaker 281 yeah i am and then they get i think then they give you like you know the the word of the day or what have you yeah yeah yeah

Speaker 198 i'd say yeah if you're going there regularly you probably lose patience with that yeah

Speaker 209 i bet there is a dish on there called worthy i'm trying to remember i am worthy

Speaker 146 i think there is something on there about worthy i have to ask i think there is imagine if we google it now and it turns out it's the green salad imagine that it would be crazy

Speaker 115 that would be crazy he's done a trick for you david blame yes david has very jealous of that he's done several that's That's the only reason I want to be in this biz.

Speaker 249 He's done several.

Speaker 244 So that one day David Blaine will do a trick for you.

Speaker 132 Oh, he did something so crazy with Will and I.

Speaker 122 Really?

Speaker 124 Oh, he touched Will's shoulder and I felt it, but Will didn't.

Speaker 214 You cried.

Speaker 124 I cried. You saw it.
I saw that.

Speaker 219 You cried.

Speaker 30 I cried.

Speaker 136 Yeah, it was emotional because I was like, no way.

Speaker 264 How did you do that?

Speaker 91 So he touched Will's shoulder, but I felt it.

Speaker 210 And Will did. You had your eyes closed.

Speaker 280 And I had my eyes closed.

Speaker 281 And he said something like, you know, do you feel that? And I'm like, yes. And he's like, I'm not touching your shoulder.
So he was like showing the connection between us.

Speaker 124 And I haven't been able to get away from Will since because of the connection.

Speaker 289 Like, I blame it on David.

Speaker 140 We are really connected.

Speaker 90 Through David Blaine.

Speaker 29 Through David Blaine.

Speaker 288 But yeah, it was a crazy experience.

Speaker 281 He's on a whole nother level.

Speaker 164 I can't believe you saw him do the spike through the hand stuff i was obsessed with that for a brief period of time yeah he was showing he was showing everyone that where he genuinely just puts a spike through his hand yeah i don't think he genuinely

Speaker 254 yo the things that you slam receipts on yeah he just put one it's an ice pick wasn't it he put an ice pick through his hand jada saw it and jada touched it yeah i i don't even know

Speaker 131 i don't well look i don't even mess with david because i'm just like you're you're otherworldly man i don't even know if you can call this magic well when he came to london and he suspended himself in a see-through box above Trafalgar Square or above the Thames, wasn't it?

Speaker 291 And everyone just came and shouted at him and stuff.

Speaker 107 They threw McDonald's at it.

Speaker 43 Yeah,

Speaker 75 they weren't as impressed as...

Speaker 97 No!

Speaker 183 How long did he stay up there?

Speaker 180 Ages.

Speaker 244 Like days and days and days, and people just threw their McDonald's at it in the box.

Speaker 203 Really? Yeah.

Speaker 150 We didn't represent ourselves very well, isn't it?

Speaker 80 Oh, my God.

Speaker 102 It went bad.

Speaker 68 Yeah, I love, like, yes like alcoholic slush drinks yeah uh absolutely great and you don't see them on the blue crew the blue oh yeah the blue crew

Speaker 209 i don't know if you told them about the oh i haven't told them about the blue crew

Speaker 143 um

Speaker 282 yeah why would you what's the blue crew don't tell james don't tell them because

Speaker 150 i'll tell them about the blue crew

Speaker 214 uh i have to though uh a bunch of us went for a meal before going to see um Abba Voyage.

Speaker 97 Obviously.

Speaker 132 As all great stories do.

Speaker 90 Obviously, I knew you were going to Abba Voyage.

Speaker 108 Yes.

Speaker 206 And I spent all night while you're at Abba Voyage laughing about you going to Abba Voyage.

Speaker 215 Ed did a gig with Kamale.

Speaker 196 Kamail told him we were all going to see Abba Voyage.

Speaker 68 Made him laugh.

Speaker 214 And immediately you get texts from Ed and Nish asked me about you that are going to Abba Voyage.

Speaker 278 Immediate text back. Yes, that's the first time I'm meeting Paul Rudd.

Speaker 97 Yeah.

Speaker 97 And it was.

Speaker 117 Yeah.

Speaker 117 Guess what?

Speaker 155 It was awesome.

Speaker 199 Yeah, it was just terrifying.

Speaker 203 I walked in.

Speaker 68 So first of all, I got to the restaurant, Smoke and Goat.

Speaker 251 Great shortage. Greg restaurant.

Speaker 208 Very good. Yeah.

Speaker 196 Got there, and I was like, I wonder if we'll be the first here.

Speaker 88 As soon as we walk in, there's a girl freaking out to her mum that Ant-Man's in the restaurant.

Speaker 247 So is he?

Speaker 122 So we're not the first here.

Speaker 195 Go over to table, and

Speaker 209 Finn's friend, Fred and Paul, are there.

Speaker 218 Kamal joins us, and my girlfriend and I.

Speaker 250 And then I see on the menu is a cocktail.

Speaker 64 Yes.

Speaker 83 It's called something blue.

Speaker 254 I can't remember what the first word was. Blue something.

Speaker 292 Look it up. Benito's good.

Speaker 73 We did have it.

Speaker 274 We've been there.

Speaker 196 Yeah, I know we've been there.

Speaker 68 Do we have the blue?

Speaker 70 I think we had, we might, or I definitely, I don't think I had it, maybe.

Speaker 107 I don't know if I've had it before because I wasn't.

Speaker 229 I jumped on the bandwagon immediately.

Speaker 84 So I ordered it just to add tequila.

Speaker 105 If it turns out you've had it before,

Speaker 210 it's the perfect James A.

Speaker 211 Caster story.

Speaker 110 Yeah, of course it is.

Speaker 150 It's absolutely perfect.

Speaker 122 I forgot I had it before.

Speaker 74 Cosmic.

Speaker 43 The Cosmic Blues.

Speaker 246 I wanted the Cosmic Blues because it had tequila in.

Speaker 214 Yeah.

Speaker 68 And then everyone jumped on it.

Speaker 254 I immediately went because sometimes I like copying people.

Speaker 282 Like, because you know, this is a restaurant I also didn't know. So sometimes I'll, you know, get the locals

Speaker 286 favorite. The locals favourite.

Speaker 97 Locals favourite.

Speaker 68 Everyone apart from Kamale orders it.

Speaker 155 That's a stance.

Speaker 158 He took a stance.

Speaker 196 Yeah, I am not getting the blue drip. But he didn't know it was going to be blue.

Speaker 80 Oh, is it actually blue? Yeah. So this is the thing.

Speaker 41 I didn't know it was going to be blue.

Speaker 158 So

Speaker 158 that's where it went.

Speaker 103 Oh, I did.

Speaker 158 This is where it like.

Speaker 64 This is where it went bad for me.

Speaker 202 Because everyone's copied me.

Speaker 214 Kamal's like, no, I'm having something else.

Speaker 209 And I was like, oh, you don't want to be in the blue crew with a blue crew?

Speaker 68 Because it was called that.

Speaker 254 But then they come along and they literally are like neon blue, ridiculous.

Speaker 164 And I was like, oh, no, I don't know these people well enough. And I've made them all get this blue drink.

Speaker 208 Yeah.

Speaker 293 And started calling yourself the blue crew.

Speaker 21 Called us the blue crew.

Speaker 195 Runs there drinking the blue drink.

Speaker 19 He doesn't.

Speaker 261 He's not. He's not happy with it.

Speaker 34 He's not delighted about it.

Speaker 83 No. You know, he's trying to keep a low profile.

Speaker 187 Yeah.

Speaker 41 He's there with a neon blue drink if you want to get around.

Speaker 252 Waving around this neon blue drink.

Speaker 16 Looks like he's fucking holding the tessera right.

Speaker 237 Yeah.

Speaker 282 You were the Thana snap to his real life.

Speaker 12 Everything disappeared after he drank that drink. We all were bummed, I would say.

Speaker 202 Yeah, no one was happy about it.

Speaker 267 However, it was so funny.

Speaker 249 Yeah.

Speaker 249 It's such a funny thing.

Speaker 97 As a bit, we kept.

Speaker 282 We just kept...

Speaker 155 I finished the whole thing.

Speaker 228 I was like, I don't like this, but I'm going to. Yeah.

Speaker 268 Also, we were committed to being the blue crew at that point.

Speaker 262 At least I was.

Speaker 282 I don't know if there's any fake motherfuckers at the table.

Speaker 172 I was the only one that was in in the table.

Speaker 294 It doesn't sound like Rod was fully in the table.

Speaker 16 No, he was in.

Speaker 161 He fell in to me.

Speaker 12 Maybe one foot out at the least.

Speaker 64 Yeah.

Speaker 208 Also, I mean, for a full, you know, if the listener wants a full kind of like image of who's at the table, I said, like, just like, you know, Finn's friend Fred.

Speaker 271 Fred plays the...

Speaker 271 the guy in the first series of White Lotus who goes canoeing, the kid who's doing that.

Speaker 80 So that's who that is.

Speaker 271 So that's funnier to me as well.

Speaker 68 I've made him do it.

Speaker 67 Yeah.

Speaker 68 He loved it.

Speaker 213 you know, he loved it.

Speaker 134 And then you all bought matching jackets.

Speaker 80 We did.

Speaker 213 No, we didn't buy them.

Speaker 9 We were given.

Speaker 134 Oh, wait, that makes more sense.

Speaker 132 It would have been hilarious if we bought them, though.

Speaker 156 Bought the Apple jackets.

Speaker 90 Because I bet they're really expensive.

Speaker 97 Because if you really do.

Speaker 278 If you hadn't

Speaker 154 been given them, you know, James would have tried to make you all buy them.

Speaker 229 Yeah, I would have to.

Speaker 229 And by the way, I would have.

Speaker 191 Yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Speaker 38 Because you told me.

Speaker 80 You're in the blue crew. I definitely would have come to you.

Speaker 231 You and Fred definitely would have bought them.

Speaker 28 Everyone else, I feel like I've lost their trust by then.

Speaker 80 For you two was still.

Speaker 177 Oh, no, no, no, no.

Speaker 172 It's all in your head. It's all in your head, Bluey.

Speaker 14 Is he bluey?

Speaker 81 I'm a little bluey.

Speaker 160 Yeah, I think he named it the blue.

Speaker 43 I'm bluey.

Speaker 132 Shirts purple, right?

Speaker 17 Bluey, blue boy, blue balls.

Speaker 97 Who's blue balls?

Speaker 121 Blue balls is the effect.

Speaker 247 Very good.

Speaker 158 Blue boy is blue balls.

Speaker 122 Blue boy, Fred. Yeah.

Speaker 150 My girlfriend is

Speaker 251 Bluesy McCoozy.

Speaker 66 And Bull Verde is Blowblood.

Speaker 68 Blow blood? Blow blood.

Speaker 251 Blow blood.

Speaker 58 Today's episode of the Off Many podcast is brought to you by Real California Milk.

Speaker 2 Here's some statistics: 99% of California dairies are family-owned, and these farm families have passed down their land, their values, and their love for dairy for generations, just like we pass down family recipes.

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Speaker 92 So, this season, when you're cooking for your loved ones, look for the Real California Milk Seal.

Speaker 134 It means you're supporting real California farm families who make these meals possible.

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Speaker 44 Hi, folks.

Speaker 45 It's Mark Bittman from the podcast Food with Mark Bittman.

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Speaker 90 That was all great stuff.

Speaker 68 Yeah. Well, I love the blue crew, man.

Speaker 108 Blue crew till the day.

Speaker 58 Now, one guest has definitely been taking advantage of his celebrity status.

Speaker 187 Have you had a DM from Lisa Fox?

Speaker 58 Let's hear from Joe Locke.

Speaker 58 Is that something that you would do for a restaurant? Would you queue to get a table?

Speaker 204 No.

Speaker 282 Normally it would just DM them and then they give me a table. Yes, finally.

Speaker 58 Someone using the celebrity status.

Speaker 64 Sometimes it doesn't work, but it works quite a lot.

Speaker 189 I respect this honesty.

Speaker 207 Oh, I also have this is a

Speaker 282 I have a fake email that I use as my assistant, which is actually me on a different email. And I use that to get like restaurant things because I've realized that if you are pretending to be official,

Speaker 282 there's more of a chance that people will take you seriously.

Speaker 134 Yeah, if it feels like you've got a celebrity.

Speaker 110 My assistant's called Lisa Fox.

Speaker 282 I wanted a name that was slightly maybe porn store, but like still could be a real name.

Speaker 282 And she got me a free holiday.

Speaker 81 So that was that was a great one.

Speaker 250 She's great assistant yeah

Speaker 282 lisa fox is great and you don't have to pay or anything no i know it's great how does um lisa fox's like email manner differ from your own it's she says the things that i couldn't say like oh joe is unable to do that unfortunately yeah yeah you know we need heal on the new one instagram story or

Speaker 282 like really harsh and i'll come in like oh thanks so much lisa does lisa ever

Speaker 108 does lisa ever say anything about you like oh joe can be a bit temperamental or no but maybe i should start doing yeah yeah that's more authentic yeah. I think,

Speaker 108 yeah,

Speaker 121 eye roll emoji and stuff like that.

Speaker 254 She had a really hard week with Joe this week.

Speaker 73 Sorry, Joe's not getting back in contact at the moment.

Speaker 214 Yeah, are you worried now, though, that people might hear this and be like, Well, we know who Lisa Fox is, we're not responding to that.

Speaker 246 I'll just change it up.

Speaker 282 I'll just change her name. Just think of another slightly porno name.

Speaker 111 It's not Lisa Fox with three X's, is it?

Speaker 68 No, but it should be.

Speaker 231 I think you're going to change it to.

Speaker 68 That's not the same person.

Speaker 97 Yeah. Last one is one.

Speaker 66 Well, I mean, look, what we're very excited about is, well, there's a number of things, actually, but Agatha all along. We're all excited about that.

Speaker 111 Has Lisa Fox has got a lot of fun?

Speaker 97 Has Lisa Fox been working hard with this?

Speaker 282 She's been using that to get me some restaurants.

Speaker 129 Yeah.

Speaker 79 Did she, like, email Kevin Feige?

Speaker 125 You know what? She didn't, but she maybe should.

Speaker 81 Yeah, for the future.

Speaker 254 I think her and Feige should talk.

Speaker 84 Or Feige's assistant.

Speaker 271 Or is it Feige pretending to be someone?

Speaker 61 Yeah, definitely.

Speaker 64 Maybe.

Speaker 282 I feel like Feige probably does have an assistant.

Speaker 282 I know he has an assistant. He does.

Speaker 69 Have you met them?

Speaker 64 I have.

Speaker 108 Is it Feige with his cap off so you can't recognize i have actually seen vig without his cap that's one of my big things in life i've seen him without his cap on why did he take it off i don't know i think because you were at dinner maybe it was a you know got to be respectful yeah he's got a really nice head has he yeah why does he hide it all the time under his cap no it's a power play clearly he takes the cap off for you know his most valued cast members i would hope so yeah unless you see he goes this is the real me did he did he stare at you really intensely go and say this is the real me joe he didn't he didn't know i'm gonna going to be really careful because I really would like him to give me more jobs.

Speaker 80 Yeah, because he listens to anything. Oh, yeah.

Speaker 81 He'll definitely listen.

Speaker 150 He's like, no spoilers.

Speaker 68 You might be in trouble now just for the feeling that he's got a head. Maybe.

Speaker 97 I probably will be.

Speaker 69 Yeah, everyone will know.

Speaker 67 I feel the Marvel brain.

Speaker 246 Like he's got a top of the head. Yeah.

Speaker 66 Well, we will start with still a sparkling water, Joe.

Speaker 115 Do you have a preference?

Speaker 282 Sparkling.

Speaker 282 I feel like I'm the only person under 25 who likes sparkling water.

Speaker 64 But I find water boring.

Speaker 231 So the sparkling water gives it like, I don't know, some energy some fizz yeah well you know young people today you got a shorter attention span yeah exactly so you need the water to be doing something exactly I need to keep me hooked

Speaker 239 but you you were saying that you think you're the only person under 25 who likes sparkling water I think that is it not big with the kids these days no oh man

Speaker 282 like I feel like flavoured sparkling water is yeah seltzer seltzer because everyone loves a white claw but not like normal like a bottle of samplegrino so does it make you feel like older when you drink a sample

Speaker 88 i do i am an old soul in general though so yeah it feels very fitting yeah that's why you're able to pretend to be lisa fox exactly i i presume she's over 25.

Speaker 282 well yeah she's in my head she's like mid 30s and a bit too much filler

Speaker 107 like

Speaker 68 yeah no this is what i embody it's what i am inside really yeah that's aspirational let's pitch the movie it's uh it's mrs doubtfire for the tick tock generation yeah you get yourself in a situation where you have to dress up as lisa fox yeah so what if that happens what if they want to meet her you're emailing and they fall in love with Lisa Fox.

Speaker 282 I have had people ask me how she is when I've like, oh, how's Lisa?

Speaker 129 It's really great to email her.

Speaker 282 I'm like, oh, she's great. She's really good.
Yeah, you know, she works really hard.

Speaker 29 Bit too much fellow again.

Speaker 120 But there you go.

Speaker 68 She'll get the balance right one day.

Speaker 97 Poor Lisa Fox.

Speaker 9 What a sneaky guy.

Speaker 164 We've had some strange people saying strange things in the dream restaurant this year. Just listen to this slot.

Speaker 187 Believe it has put in brackets, this section's not for the squeamish but it is for fans of huge davies katie wicks stuart laws rick asley and robert popper

Speaker 298 are you a foodie huge yeah i love food i make i'm i do i got quite foodie during lockdown because i lived alone for like a long time and then Basically, as a comedian, all I was doing, I was basically every day I would get up and I would sort of delete the things things out of my calendar and then i'd get the check my emails see what they'd cancelled inevitably then i'd delete them off my calendar and then i'd have the whole day yeah basically so i ended up making like so much f like food like a ridge like i tried to make so much food so then the next day i'd have something to clean up oh so you were basically giving yourself a chore for yeah so

Speaker 38 yeah so clean clean

Speaker 58 yesterday no dishwasher i had a dishwasher not doing that because because then it's just deleting events off your calendar even more yeah i've never never i don't think we've ever had anyone on the podcast who cooks in order to clean no but also i'm worried about the next day so you're cooking one day eating the food and then you've got the cleaning up the next day you then cooking on the same day as the cleaning or were you only eating every other day yeah so i'll take what i'll do is i'll clean in the morning have a nice long four hour break yeah start cooking again

Speaker 90 in order to then clean the day the next day yeah yeah what sort of food were you making what was uh was it specifically dirty food or things that crust in the middle

Speaker 298 stuff that i thought i couldn't do i think i i like I made dumplings from scratch which was like I don't know if I could do that but it was really it was really good I did it I made and also each time I'm obviously making way too much because you can't just cook for a portion for one person no actually interestingly I would have lunch every so that was I'd have um

Speaker 118 I'd have my meals with the spider actually

Speaker 118 interestingly so like I there was a spider that started making a web on the on the table

Speaker 71 and I initially it was like let's get rid of that but I was like if the spider goes then

Speaker 38 there won't be anyone else.

Speaker 29 Jesus Christ.

Speaker 298 So I had lunch with a spider every day.

Speaker 118 Simon. No, sorry.

Speaker 298 Sorry, Dennis. Simon was a different thing.

Speaker 64 What was Simon?

Speaker 80 What was the name?

Speaker 160 Was it the button that squashed you drew a face on?

Speaker 118 No, that was Lloyd.

Speaker 97 Hang on. What?

Speaker 4 Huge in lockdown, got so lonely that he drew a face on a button at squash, like Wilson.

Speaker 62 And he called it Lloyd, and he hung out with it all the time.

Speaker 257 And he shushed it around in a pram.

Speaker 9 Yeah.

Speaker 70 In a pram. Yeah, in a pram.

Speaker 278 Well, outside of your house?

Speaker 43 Yeah, we can get away with it.

Speaker 189 I was saying, you know, you can get away with anything if you put it in a pram.

Speaker 105 I really don't think that's true. No, you can.

Speaker 21 Go to the pram.

Speaker 158 I think you're less likely to get away with it if you can.

Speaker 9 You can see someone with a pram walk on out of the pram. Yeah.

Speaker 97 Look at it.

Speaker 254 It could be anything.

Speaker 199 If a dog's in there, you're like, that's fine.

Speaker 262 If you saw someone with a squash in there, you'd be like,

Speaker 74 that's fine.

Speaker 38 Leave that person alone. Don't get away.
If you had a face drawn on it.

Speaker 63 Yeah, I would.

Speaker 97 Oh.

Speaker 60 There's something very different between saying you're getting away with it and no one wants to talk to you because you look mad.

Speaker 64 Yeah.

Speaker 219 Yeah.

Speaker 195 Also, you're saying they're going, that's fine.

Speaker 68 Leave that person alone.

Speaker 80 alone yeah i believe they will definitely think leave that person alone i don't think they're thinking that's fine i think they're thinking i'm going nowhere near that person leave them alone they're pushing a button at squash around in a pram i'm asking a lot of questions about this it worked it it it helped you yeah it did help me through man yeah and now we say where's lloyd now and obviously we're out and about again now i buried him in the park you're joking no i took my niece to to learn about death I can show you photos of it, yeah.

Speaker 10 It took your niece to learn about death.

Speaker 204 Yeah.

Speaker 118 She was loving it, though. Yeah, she was digging that hole like it was Christmas morning.

Speaker 80 How old is your niece?

Speaker 274 She was at the time, she was about two and a half years old, right?

Speaker 36 So livid that someone else is in the pram, but I live there.

Speaker 38 Yeah, you've got to walk took the thing.

Speaker 134 You got to walk because Lloyd's going in the pram, but you can have a lift back.

Speaker 118 Get out of the pram, it's a goddamn funeral.

Speaker 30 Use your legs.

Speaker 214 Lloyd is dead as well.

Speaker 38 Yeah. Getting to ride in the pram.

Speaker 68 Yeah, we all.

Speaker 63 Was Lloyd dead when you buried him?

Speaker 94 Yeah, he had a sort of what we called was at the time.

Speaker 118 He was rotting.

Speaker 97 He was rotting.

Speaker 90 I think medically, what's what you say?

Speaker 118 If you keep a squash for three months, it rots.

Speaker 90 Yeah.

Speaker 90 I couldn't do that, man.

Speaker 63 If I'd drawn a face on something, I couldn't bury it.

Speaker 97 Well, so that's the thing.

Speaker 74 I didn't draw on the face.

Speaker 118 I initially didn't draw the face on for a friend. Yeah, I drew it on because it was so big, I thought it would be comical.

Speaker 38 And when you're living alone, you've got to drew the face on it.

Speaker 261 For a laugh? Yeah, put nappy on it for a laugh.

Speaker 204 I forgot that detail.

Speaker 134 So you were living alone. Yeah.

Speaker 210 Why you got a pram and nappies in your house?

Speaker 209 Such a good question.

Speaker 178 Such a good question that I hadn't even thought to ask because the rest of it is so weird anyway.

Speaker 118 So I was staying at my brother's house,

Speaker 118 who has children.

Speaker 279 He

Speaker 152 moved to

Speaker 298 his mother-in-law's house because they have a bigger house and they have a dog and two kids.

Speaker 68 He was like, I need someone to water the plants.

Speaker 71 I said I would live there.

Speaker 105 I did kill all the plants.

Speaker 298 Every single one, including the ones they kept from their marriage.

Speaker 38 They were like furious.

Speaker 97 They were absolutely furious.

Speaker 274 And then even more furious when they're like, I can't believe you spent so much time.

Speaker 118 Because the squash was there when they were there too.

Speaker 97 That's why we went to the park.

Speaker 81 Because

Speaker 38 I didn't want to go alone.

Speaker 204 Yeah.

Speaker 64 You know?

Speaker 121 So your responsibility was to water the plants.

Speaker 71 You didn't do it? No, I killed every single one of them. Every single one.

Speaker 71 I have like, honestly, I have like over 50.

Speaker 226 Instead, you were hanging out with a button at squash.

Speaker 105 Raising a squash, I'd say.

Speaker 262 I wouldn't say hanging out with a squash.

Speaker 102 I'm not.

Speaker 301 And the spider was at the same house.

Speaker 158 Spider, yeah. Yeah, we all had lunch.

Speaker 97 We had dinner together.

Speaker 298 We had dinner together eating dumplings.

Speaker 80 Yeah, yeah, yeah. The dumplings are.

Speaker 38 You sat around dumplings on three separate plates.

Speaker 302 I have no, I'm such a Philistine. I have, I have no, I've been to really posh restaurants and I thought it was a bit weird.
Yeah. Stuff.
I was eating like worm salad. I've had stuff like that.

Speaker 81 Worm salad, what? Yeah.

Speaker 302 What's the name of the place? But I went to a very posh place for my birthday. And there was two, I went with, the other person with me was vegan.

Speaker 302 So you got an email before sort of saying, you know, do you want the vegan menu or the non-vegan menu?

Speaker 171 That was the two choices.

Speaker 303 So

Speaker 302 I'm planning on being vegan eventually. I think we all have to be, weren't we, basically, but so I'm sort of groping towards being vegan, but doing it really badly.

Speaker 302 Anyway, so at this point, I was, I took non-vegan and I had to take a breath then.

Speaker 97 It was a really emotional story.

Speaker 302 And then the food came and I ate this salad and the woman took it away and she said, how was your salad? And I said, oh, yeah, fine. Thank you.

Speaker 302 Then she looked down at the plate and she said, oh, you've still got some worms left.

Speaker 282 And I thought I was

Speaker 302 hallucinating.

Speaker 286 I thought I'd left my body you know what I mean I thought oh this is

Speaker 302 this is like trippy now like what's just happened there and I looked down and I saw like three or four worms in in the plate not like garden worms like kind of shrub territory little little worms yeah they were little but they were they were moving they were dead yeah and I looked at them and I just um it just took me a long time to take it in, you know, to process what was happening.

Speaker 302 And I just said, oh no, I'm done. Thank you.
And handed her the plate. And I just remember being really pale and shocked.

Speaker 302 And, but, and then my, the person I was with was a bit sort of, well, that's what happens when you tick, you know, non-vegan. In a way, like morally, you're saying, I'm up for anything.

Speaker 305 If you're.

Speaker 273 It's not what happens if you tick non-vegan.

Speaker 110 You get wormy salad.

Speaker 302 But I took their point that they were sort of saying, well, you know, be a vegan.

Speaker 128 That's the solution.

Speaker 302 If you don't want secret worms, you know, to them, it's just protein. It's meat.
So, um, but I felt, I felt a bit violated that I hadn't been told and just a bit sick.

Speaker 111 So is it like a tasting menu thing where they were just bringing you out?

Speaker 302 Is that a tasting menu? I don't even know the tasting.

Speaker 226 At least explain it up

Speaker 5 dish down in front of you and go, and this is a worm salad?

Speaker 160 No, definitely.

Speaker 302 There was no prior warning. Yeah, there was no chat about it.

Speaker 163 Who's that?

Speaker 171 You've still got some worms left.

Speaker 253 Yeah.

Speaker 304 And then she saw my reaction.

Speaker 130 She came back and she said, she said, I won't do her accent, but she said, she said, is the problem that you didn't like it or do you object?

Speaker 302 Like she was trying to understand what my reaction was.

Speaker 100 little bit more.

Speaker 302 She was really concerned by my and confused by my reaction and I sort of said, no, it's fine, it's just

Speaker 264 the shock, the shock of eating worms.

Speaker 302 I was a bit hungover, I was a bit tearful. I just didn't, I just wanted to have a nice birthday and not be fed worms.

Speaker 237 That's all I wanted.

Speaker 64 You were tearful?

Speaker 302 Because I was hungover. Yeah.

Speaker 160 You were crying as well.

Speaker 67 Yeah.

Speaker 111 That'll be why she came back to check.

Speaker 302 I thought the tears would bring the worms back to life and it would all be amazing.

Speaker 210 I do want to know the name of that place though, because I'd like to try worm salad.

Speaker 64 I'll tell you after.

Speaker 302 Also at the end they served for pudding. It was tobacco-flavoured chocolate, which went really well with a cigarette, I have to say.

Speaker 171 So that was lovely.

Speaker 266 The joy about that is when you're in a hotel or a B ⁇ B, they say, do you want white or brown bread?

Speaker 261 I'm always back with mixed.

Speaker 63 Oh, yeah, yeah. You can have a mixed rack.

Speaker 187 You can have the Aquadrome white,

Speaker 70 and then the B ⁇ B wholemeal.

Speaker 245 Actually, go with the seeded sourdough, which is slightly wholemealy.

Speaker 69 Okay. Yeah.

Speaker 245 And so not to pick you up on that at all in any way it's fine it's your yeah it's your dream bb thank you

Speaker 107 this is a new podcast

Speaker 215 what is it it's the rack it's toast but it's sourdough toast but it's not the wickmansworth aquadrome cafe toast that you have yeah is that the secret ingredient no

Speaker 177 no

Speaker 77 Although that would be very dirty, if we knew that.

Speaker 81 Yeah.

Speaker 246 Hand you an envelope and it says Wickmansworth Aquadrome Cafe Toast.

Speaker 310 Just checking under my chair for an envelope.

Speaker 76 And is the owner of the BB talking to you throughout all of this?

Speaker 290 No, they've left me.

Speaker 245 I've put my earpods in,

Speaker 154 so they might still be there.

Speaker 311 Okay, but I'm listening to case files because I'm in town to solve a case.

Speaker 68 What's the case?

Speaker 261 Someone's disappeared.

Speaker 79 One of you has disappeared, and I'm there to say it.

Speaker 156 No.

Speaker 152 Who?

Speaker 217 James has. James has disappeared.
James has disappeared.

Speaker 196 In the town.

Speaker 209 Yeah. So, what town is it?

Speaker 245 It's up in North Oregon.

Speaker 68 I was never there anyway. No, you were.

Speaker 138 No.

Speaker 69 You were.

Speaker 154 You were. James, you're going to need to work on your improv, man.

Speaker 244 Yeah.

Speaker 261 Just on stage. I'm not there.

Speaker 97 No, you are.

Speaker 29 I've never been there.

Speaker 97 I've never been there.

Speaker 68 That's why I'm missing.

Speaker 177 I've been there.

Speaker 9 That's where you've been tracked to, anyway.

Speaker 311 Yeah.

Speaker 309 So I'm there to solve the case and Ed can't do it because he's doing Great British menu or something.

Speaker 139 And it's like, can't.

Speaker 294 So I'm not there at all.

Speaker 245 Yeah, you're in the gravy train. Yeah.
Okay.

Speaker 151 So your dream meal is spending the day in a town where I've gone missing.

Speaker 106 I love that.

Speaker 80 Yeah, you've got to solve it.

Speaker 90 Yeah. So

Speaker 272 this isn't going to be a meal as such so much as a day of eating while you try and solve a missing person's case.

Speaker 107 Yeah, but it will fit your format perfectly.

Speaker 80 Kind of.

Speaker 21 Unless what you've ordered out.

Speaker 92 I like the solving the case thing. Yeah.

Speaker 231 Oh, yeah. You're not the one who's one missing.

Speaker 203 Or will you be the one who's been doing this?

Speaker 77 Do you know

Speaker 261 the only evidence we have at the moment is DNA evidence of where you've been.

Speaker 105 What sort of DNA? Come.

Speaker 97 I'll do it before you said it.

Speaker 97 Yeah, why did the guy ask? Where did you find it?

Speaker 245 You don't want to know where it is, but some of it's on the ceiling.

Speaker 80 Some of it's on the ceiling.

Speaker 38 Yeah, and that's magic where it ends up.

Speaker 102 Yeah.

Speaker 69 Like a rocket.

Speaker 96 Have you guys been to Japan? Yes.

Speaker 237 I've only the first time. I've just got back.

Speaker 210 James is going next.

Speaker 24 Oh, amazing.

Speaker 96 Fantastic. Well, I'm sure you're going to love it.
You must have loved it, I'm sure.

Speaker 210 Incredible. Yeah.

Speaker 96 So I've been a few times and back in the day in the 80s and stuff. And I remember the second time we went, first time was just promo and stuff.
Second time we went for gigs.

Speaker 96 And the promoter took us to this amazing restaurant in a town, I think, called Nagoya. So, you know, still a massive city, but one of the smaller cities, as it were.
We went to this restaurant.

Speaker 96 And I basically think he was just taking the piss because

Speaker 96 we were given these bowls like a soup, like a clear soup, but something was still alive swimming around in it. Wow.
But didn't have the whole of its body to do so. Yeah.

Speaker 96 Like tentacles have been cut away and things.

Speaker 96 And that was like a bit of a shock. So I didn't, and again, I was 22, 23.
Do you know what I mean? I wasn't, I'd traveled a bit by then and I'd eaten in a lot of places and stuff, but it was still...

Speaker 210 Nothing supposed to be, does it?

Speaker 219 But

Speaker 96 that's nothing compared to what happened next. So they brought out these huge fish that were skewered so that they were in like a curve, an arc, you know, tail up and head up.

Speaker 96 And the meat of the fish had been cut away from its body. while it was alive and placed back on the fish.
So you were meant to eat it while it looks at you.

Speaker 210 Oh my God.

Speaker 9 I mean, look, I'm not squeamish, but I think that would put me off.

Speaker 145 I couldn't do that.

Speaker 266 I mean, like your theory about if the olive oil's good, you know the rest of the meal is going to be nice.

Speaker 210 When they brought you the little thing swimming around in the bowl, there's a, yeah.

Speaker 101 Yeah, let alone when you have to make eye contact with the thing you're eating.

Speaker 81 Yeah. Get out.

Speaker 287 It was bloody Marquis Dessard's rest.

Speaker 96 Now, I don't know whether that might even be a thing anymore and whether the legal allowed to do it. You know, I'm going back 35 years, you know, so it's a while ago or more even, you know.

Speaker 96 But I remember just thinking, this is ridiculous. Yes.
Yeah. And I was kind of looking at all the other Japanese people thinking, are you going to eat this?

Speaker 37 Or is this crazy prank on the

Speaker 96 prawns cooked on the on like a tepanyaki a hot, you know, where they're still alive? Yeah. They just put them on the thing in front of you.

Speaker 96 You know, and I know lobsters go in the thing when you're not looking and they just put them in the, you know, ugh. I don't like all that.
Listen, don't get me wrong. I love eating food.

Speaker 96 I'm not vegetarian. I think about it sometimes and I do think there's an issue, like I said, with us.

Speaker 96 the way we are living at the moment can't really be sustained and all the rest of it.

Speaker 96 But yeah, it's a it's a step.

Speaker 251 there's a step too far isn't there a little bit yeah yeah i think we definitely have to at least stop making eye contact with the fish while we're eating it alive yeah

Speaker 96 well yeah let's at least take that step having said that this is a suspicion this is just reminding me of something else and please this is this is not this is not about right here we go so yeah uh one of my passions in life has been skiing over the years and so i was on holiday skiing with some friends and it was a bit of an occasion and we needed to celebrate something so we went to this restaurant which again i don't think is open open anymore not because of what i'm about to describe i just think it's not open anymore uh and it was called my father's farm on firm on pear whatever and uh massive reputation you know michelin stars all the rest of it so we went it's like a 15 course blah di da whatever but you you the building is a farm and animals i'm not saying those animals necessarily but in other words pigs ducks uh you know geese cows are on the other side of glass beneath you and on the side of you

Speaker 96 as you walk into the restaurant.

Speaker 96 So it's basically like saying, but there's, but I don't think on the one hand, there's nothing wrong with actually explaining, especially to kids, because if kids just think that a slab of meat in a is just something, yeah, you know, they don't connect it to being an animal, that's a whole other issue again.

Speaker 96 So but that was pretty, that was a bit, you know, I mean, they weren't dragging animals out and butchering them, and you know, sure, but it was still very much,

Speaker 96 you've just ordered this and that's one of those over there behind that glass. It was a bit weird.

Speaker 239 Yeah, it's quite confronting, isn't it?

Speaker 80 It's good.

Speaker 68 I mean, yeah, I'm all for it, but I think I wouldn't be able to hack it at the same time.

Speaker 258 And maybe I should reflect on that.

Speaker 253 Yeah, well, I'm not, I don't cook a lot.

Speaker 96 My wife's an amazing cook, an incredible cook, and it's one of the main ways that she relaxes.

Speaker 185 And I don't really love it.

Speaker 179 Does it stress you out?

Speaker 96 Yeah, if it's for anybody else, yes. You know, I'm not averse to making an omelette or making something for myself, cobbling something together.

Speaker 96 But the reason I was mentioning this is that if someone said, right, there's a joint, there's an actual big piece of an animal, make it. Or even a chicken.

Speaker 96 Getting a chicken out of its packaging from the supermarket and putting it in the oven is a bit like,

Speaker 107 wow.

Speaker 105 Do you know what I mean? Whereas when it's cooked and it's on your plate, it's just very different.

Speaker 29 It is, yeah.

Speaker 239 And don't get those mixed up, Rick.

Speaker 272 Otherwise, you're going to have another one of those incidents.

Speaker 72 You're going to be cancelling more gigs. Yeah.

Speaker 167 I'm going to start with a seamal and then I'm going going to finish with a Laros.

Speaker 68 Those wines?

Speaker 108 No, I'll tell you what these are.

Speaker 167 So this is another one for my youth. When my brother Johnny were younger, and we used to get invited to parents, like someone was getting married in the family, or Bermitzva.

Speaker 167 And I was like 11 and he was eight. We've invented this game, which we do to this day, which is the best game.

Speaker 138 Yeah.

Speaker 167 And I think maybe my brother's there for this bit.

Speaker 167 Just for when I drink he appears and then he's eviscerated but comes back. Yeah.

Speaker 170 So what we would do, we would go, we would, we would be quite, we're quite, you know, we're 12.

Speaker 167 We didn't know anyone often.

Speaker 102 It's boring.

Speaker 167 And we didn't want to talk to girls. It's embarrassing.
There's the family. So we would just go and sit by the bar and just drink Coca-Cola.
And we would, this is our plan.

Speaker 86 So we weren't. That's sitting by the bar.

Speaker 170 That's what we would do, just by the bar, near the bar.

Speaker 287 Is that a thing kids do normally, sitting up at the bar?

Speaker 264 Not at the bar, like we wouldn't be at the bar.

Speaker 64 We'd be always.

Speaker 94 Imagine you sat having a Coca-Cola like, this is a long night.

Speaker 108 Cigar. Yeah.

Speaker 18 But this is, we'd hang around.

Speaker 167 We'd hang around the bar, hiding, basically and have a Coke and then it would be right. It's time.
It's time. So they'd go, oh, two more coats, please.
No, one Coke and one Seamauer.

Speaker 102 They go, Seamau.

Speaker 167 Yeah, one Coke, one C-Mow. What's Seamau? Coca-Cola or lemonade?

Speaker 132 What? Mixed together.

Speaker 167 That's a Seamaour.

Speaker 64 Yeah. Oh, okay.

Speaker 167 So this is pre-internet, so you couldn't check.

Speaker 64 Yeah.

Speaker 97 Okay.

Speaker 170 Oh, okay.

Speaker 167 And then you see him wander off pouring out and another bartender would see him mixing lemonade and coats. You'd see him mouthing seam out.

Speaker 200 See me out?

Speaker 69 Oh, it could be a drink.

Speaker 167 so we'd have a coke and a seamal and then it would be later on we'd have two seamowers please and once they got used to that the bit when they go two seamowers we go one seamow one laros

Speaker 167 so you have to wait for them to yeah what's a laross ginger ale and a lemonade i've heard of that before maybe one seamal and that would be our thing so a seamal and we did that our whole life and if we ever go out it'll be like what do you want one sea mal please so that i would i would be want to be drinking them they taste nice as well yes and um my brother can be there and we can do that.

Speaker 167 And there's no internet reception, so they can't check. Yeah, yeah.

Speaker 64 They're not allowed for that.

Speaker 226 I mean, I don't know if they would even check now, would they?

Speaker 64 They wouldn't check now.

Speaker 199 Surely they'd be like, whatever, if they were to call it a house.

Speaker 81 They'd call it a two seam hours.

Speaker 97 If they were to call it a team hours,

Speaker 167 they would say two seam hours. Boys, two seam hours? No, no, once you're on a La Ross, that would be...

Speaker 167 And then you end on two La Ross's. Yeah.

Speaker 90 And it's just when they think they've got the hang of it, right? Yeah, and then my dad would come, are you ordering your stupid drinks?

Speaker 167 Don't say anything.

Speaker 237 That would be organic.

Speaker 167 So I like those drinks.

Speaker 24 no i mean they're good drinks as well there's nothing more exciting as a kid than realizing you can mix different soft drinks yeah yeah do you ever mix drinks nice mixy oh the uh the freestyle machine the freestyle machine and the soda fountain at you know

Speaker 170 some uh fast food places now in london have oh yeah freestyle machine excellent where you can

Speaker 59 pick loads of other stuff i mean there's stuff that you don't even know you can't buy commercially by itself like you know peach lilt and stuff like that yeah

Speaker 5 every Every flavor of Fanta you could imagine.

Speaker 77 Every sort of different food.

Speaker 70 Raspberry Fanta, all that sort of stuff.

Speaker 214 Can you mix some of those together?

Speaker 63 Although... I don't want to mix them.

Speaker 287 If I've not had,

Speaker 287 I just want to try Raspberry Fanta.

Speaker 64 That sounds good. Yeah.

Speaker 68 I mean, when you were a kid, it's called a Lombard.

Speaker 97 Like a Lombard.

Speaker 64 A Lombard.

Speaker 167 A Raspberry Fanta. Raspberry Fanta would be a Lombard.

Speaker 214 Would your brother sign off on this?

Speaker 167 Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. We do this all the time.
Yeah. Still do it now?

Speaker 81 Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah.

Speaker 167 We haven't done it for a while, but we're going to do it again soon. We talked about it recently.
I was telling him, we've got to do this again, so yeah, yeah, we've got to do that.

Speaker 80 We've got to do that, see my house in one Leroy.

Speaker 167 I mean, we always talk about it in the restaurant. What do you want to drink?

Speaker 264 He was going to see Mahours.

Speaker 250 He always does that to me.

Speaker 167 Yeah, I mean, we should start this as a thing. Yeah, people ordering seam hours on Leroy.

Speaker 154 I think it almost certainly will happen.

Speaker 167 And see if people please go out there and try it. You've got to start, you don't go straight in two seam hours.

Speaker 252 No, you've got to lull them into

Speaker 252 the map.

Speaker 105 Yeah, have the Coca-Cola.

Speaker 132 Coca-Colas.

Speaker 167 Yeah, Coca-Colas as opposed to Cokes. Two Coca-Colas, please.

Speaker 64 Yeah, that's the one. And then eventually Chukasi Malas.

Speaker 108 That's my drink. Yeah.

Speaker 88 And then the high point is when they say two C Malas.

Speaker 68 Tucsy Malas.

Speaker 248 Yeah.

Speaker 108 No.

Speaker 167 And then it ends on two La Ross's, please.

Speaker 138 Good night.

Speaker 151 Now, you know, a guest went wild when they have their own section.

Speaker 37 One guest was not only...

Speaker 88 Oh, see, this is what happens when I actually go off of Benito's script.

Speaker 195 Absolutely tripped myself up there.

Speaker 151 I should have just stuck to the script, Benito.

Speaker 244 I'm so sorry.

Speaker 235 You're a good writer.

Speaker 6 One guest not only put an end to the Jollof wars, but they really put us in our place.

Speaker 231 It's the beer Libdul Rashid.

Speaker 23 Your dream side dish.

Speaker 65 Cheeru.

Speaker 263 Has anyone here mentioned Muimoy to you before?

Speaker 204 No. No.

Speaker 43 Really?

Speaker 68 No, I don't think so.

Speaker 149 You've had Nigerians on you.

Speaker 236 They haven't mentioned Muimoy.

Speaker 80 I don't think they have.

Speaker 103 A bunch of plastic Nigerians.

Speaker 112 What the hell, man?

Speaker 263 Normally, they came here and then they would somehow talk about Jollof. I'm not even going to talk about Jolof.

Speaker 266 We often get bogged down in the Jolof wars, Ghanaian versus Nigerian Jollof right.

Speaker 97 Silly.

Speaker 263 That's the kind of Nigerians that argue and the kind of Ghanians that argue about that stuff would need Google Maps to find their way around if they went back home is what I'm saying.

Speaker 263 That is the most basic aspect of our cuisine.

Speaker 240 The most basic, like, it's it's bloody rice, bro.

Speaker 263 It's right.

Speaker 184 I mean, yeah,

Speaker 263 and the thing is, neither of us invented it.

Speaker 97 Senegal did.

Speaker 203 But, like,

Speaker 184 you know how stupid we must look to Senegalese people.

Speaker 263 I'm a version of this Senegalese dishes.

Speaker 312 But shut up, man.

Speaker 263 Honestly, I love Jaloff rice, right?

Speaker 81 But it's like African food one-on-one.

Speaker 263 If I had the friend that I'm not sure of, like he's invited to the cookout, but I'm still not quite sure.

Speaker 263 I would give him Jaloff. Like, that's the most basic African dish right next to white rice and stew, right? It's just basic.

Speaker 263 And then when I think your levels, then I might introduce some like pounded yam and a goosey soup or, you know, something like that.

Speaker 112 But jalof,

Speaker 263 that's like arguing about who makes fish and chips better.

Speaker 97 It's the most basic dish.

Speaker 184 I mean, it's good.

Speaker 175 It's better than all of the rice dishes.

Speaker 263 You know, even Ghanaian Jaloff rice is better than 90% of rice dishes. Ghani and Jaloff rice is brilliant.
It tastes almost like the real thing.

Speaker 112 But no, in all seriousness, it's down to who cooks it.

Speaker 184 Yeah.

Speaker 263 You know, and plus, Nigeria, we've got 300 tribes.

Speaker 263 everybody makes it different yeah i would say ours is the best because we are the closest to the originators the senegalese culturally we're very similar to them but then there's people from my tribe in ghana too so right so yeah i i don't have i don't really i make fun of ghana because it's a national requirement but honestly i i have no

Speaker 25 i haven't gotten this fight

Speaker 254 Are you a foodie? The bill, would you say that you like it?

Speaker 263 If you could see me, what do you think?

Speaker 263 Let's just be real here.

Speaker 263 You know that if I did something wrong right now and you didn't know me, there's only two ways you would describe me, right?

Speaker 148 So,

Speaker 28 you asking me whether I'm a foodie.

Speaker 263 What's a foodie? A person that likes food.

Speaker 184 Do you think this happened by accident?

Speaker 263 Is that what you do you think that's what this is?

Speaker 64 Did you really

Speaker 263 like you know, I just had an extra donut a couple hundred thousand times. By the way, I don't I don't actually eat donuts

Speaker 263 because of toxic masculinity.

Speaker 220 Why is that? So,

Speaker 112 I'm from northern Nigeria. And...

Speaker 97 Allah jazz, I'm in an aliwah.

Speaker 80 Sorry, that's for my people. Yeah.

Speaker 97 You're safe now.

Speaker 263 When the revolution comes, we're giving a head start

Speaker 263 and a stick.

Speaker 263 Also, I'm from northern Nigeria, and we are like most of the army for the majority of Nigeria's inceptions come from my part of Nigeria. Most people don't know much about us.

Speaker 263 In fact, sadly, currently we're only known for two things, which is Boko Haram and me.

Speaker 263 You know, as you can imagine, Boko Haram is a very tough axe to follow.

Speaker 203 Very, very tough axe.

Speaker 112 You know, they always bomb

Speaker 237 cheap.

Speaker 263 So our culture, apparently, we were farmers and soldiers and that sort of stuff.

Speaker 263 So everything around our culture, like as growing up as a young boy, like you give, you get given food, eat it, it will make you strong.

Speaker 69 Yeah.

Speaker 13 What?

Speaker 80 It will make you strong.

Speaker 213 Why are you opening your eyes? Why do you say that?

Speaker 203 Because I'm strong.

Speaker 112 I don't want, you know, and if you eat anything sweet, you were told as a boy that sweet things were for girls.

Speaker 263 And like people will say it with so much conviction, like it was scientifically proven.

Speaker 13 What?

Speaker 213 Why are you gonna, why you, why do you want that sweet?

Speaker 75 What are you, a girl?

Speaker 64 I'm not a girl.

Speaker 213 Yeah, then why do you want something sweet?

Speaker 168 Because everyone knows the sweets are for girls.

Speaker 107 Right. Yeah.

Speaker 213 You give it to them on their birthday when they're angry with you.

Speaker 98 That's how it works.

Speaker 103 And I thought, yeah, that makes perfect sense.

Speaker 32 So growing up, like, we just didn't have a lot of sweet stuff, right?

Speaker 263 So now, even now, because like my wife is South Asian and they have like a big culture of desserts, I kind of hear my uncle in my head, what are you doing?

Speaker 148 What is it? It's a trap. It's for her.

Speaker 263 So, yeah, I'm working through that. But unfortunately, I struggle with sweet stuff.
I do like sweet stuff, but I feel bad.

Speaker 263 Even though I shouldn't.

Speaker 292 Yeah, that's interesting. Yeah.
It's been drilled into you.

Speaker 77 I mean,

Speaker 65 this is it's a tense episode for me.

Speaker 196 Then, I'm a big dessert boy.

Speaker 214 Yeah, I love it when people you know make a good uh no such thing as a big dessert boy in northern Nigeria.

Speaker 66 Yeah, there you go.

Speaker 276 It's not,

Speaker 41 I get turned away.

Speaker 184 That's a big dessert boy.

Speaker 152 I'm trying to think how I would even translate that in my language.

Speaker 263 Actually, yeah, probably I won't say it, but yeah,

Speaker 153 probably not words for that.

Speaker 187 Incidentally, the video of Nabil's answer to that question is our most viewed clip ever.

Speaker 14 I didn't know that.

Speaker 13 No, me neither.

Speaker 114 It wouldn't be a food podcast without delicious descriptions of dishes.

Speaker 90 Most of these are edible.

Speaker 81 Sophie Willand. Oh, yeah, okay.
Cool.

Speaker 227 But who doesn't write who says what?

Speaker 270 And we have to sort it out in real time.

Speaker 22 Yeah.

Speaker 187 Sophie Willand, Joshua.

Speaker 80 Josh Willicom, Amy Annette, Sergeant Monica Jackson, Kim Gakani, Danny Dyer, Robert Popper, Rookmini Aya, Jessica Hines, Stuart Lord, Rose Matafeo, and Jason Manzukis.

Speaker 303 Either that or Ye Old Pasta Shop.

Speaker 108 Ye old pasty. Yep.

Speaker 303 Which again do the best pasties in the world. Right.
I really feel strongly about this. Yeah.

Speaker 303 It's been going this business for hundreds of years.

Speaker 111 You'd hope so if it's called Ye Old Pasty, right?

Speaker 203 Ye old, yeah.

Speaker 303 Well, it's in an old Tudor building. It's a listed building in Bolton.
Yeah. So obviously that's been there a long time.
And then this pastry business has been going like like 200 and something years.

Speaker 303 It's got a Ye Old Pasta Shop. The queue goes round the road.
It's ran at the moment by a woman in her 80s called Mary. She's fabulous.
And she's actually got a sculpture of Alma in the window of her.

Speaker 303 Oh, really? She tried to give me, and I was like, no, it's great here. Because what do you do with the sculpture of yourself? It's weird.

Speaker 303 Anyway, she's brilliant, Mary. She's and she's been there years.
She's had all sorts. Every time you go in, she goes, Oh, Ringo Starr's daughter has been ordering pastas.
That's through.

Speaker 303 She gets them shipped over to Paris, I think. She's in.

Speaker 171 Wow.

Speaker 303 PTK obviously comes in. He parks outside.

Speaker 264 He won't come out.

Speaker 303 She comes out for him and brings him loads of pastas. Every time I go, she makes me a pasta with my name on it.
It says Sophie on it. It's a really big one.

Speaker 303 But then she insists that we do a photo shoot. So she gets out this little red carpet and the banner, and I have to hold the pasta like I've won a BAFTA.

Speaker 121 Yeah.

Speaker 155 Yeah,

Speaker 155 but I suppose the pasta is more impressive.

Speaker 16 It's really okay.

Speaker 22 But I say you're qualified to say that it's like winning a baffle.

Speaker 134 Do you have to queue now?

Speaker 130 I always queue anywhere, but even though there's a sculpture of you in the front window, you know,

Speaker 303 if you don't queue, you end up stuck chatting to her for like 50 minutes. She's like, Sophie, come round the back, come round the back.

Speaker 303 And then I sit there with a cup of tea and we go through every ailment.

Speaker 315 Yeah.

Speaker 87 Yours, by the sound of it. Yeah.

Speaker 68 What food remedies each one.

Speaker 314 But she's quite wild.

Speaker 303 We went to this charity gig together. She was the first one up to suggest a conga.

Speaker 315 You know, last one on the dance floor.

Speaker 303 But anyway, the pastry's a bit brilliant.

Speaker 303 I'll just tell you about the cheese one. Yes.
Very thin pastry. You've never known anything like it.
Soft and thin.

Speaker 303 And then the middle is pureed, is it? When you

Speaker 303 potato, onion and cheese.

Speaker 303 And then it's just, it's a delicacy. There's no pasties like it.

Speaker 134 I really want a pasty now.

Speaker 252 I've not had a pasty army.

Speaker 122 I've not eaten today.

Speaker 160 That's what I'm realising.

Speaker 88 Every food that you describe, I'm like, I'm going to have that after the

Speaker 38 record. I'm going to have a crumpet.

Speaker 303 Well, I'll have to send you some down Ye Olds.

Speaker 38 Oh, my God. No, we'll make the trip.

Speaker 64 I'll walk there.

Speaker 177 Make the trip, yeah.

Speaker 97 I'll walk there.

Speaker 214 I won't pull out Peter Kay and stay in my car.

Speaker 78 Yeah.

Speaker 64 Hoping I'd fly.

Speaker 154 Probably not in Bolton, no.

Speaker 68 He's probably more popular in Bolton than you are.

Speaker 81 Peter Kay? Yeah, yeah, probably. Possibly.

Speaker 83 He ain't been on Task Market.

Speaker 68 So all that sounds great as well, but you want the potato cake from there or from the other place?

Speaker 314 Well, do you know what?

Speaker 303 i think i'd just say in general we'd go to ye old pasta shop we'd get a potato cake and a pasta look you could have a little a potato cake and a and a pasty for the starter i think yeah if you want a ye old pasta shop it's gonna be very carby this isn't it we're gonna be knackered actually

Speaker 197 we're eating it as well yeah we're with you at the dream meal well yeah yeah well look we're gonna be knackered very very happy to come with you but sometimes people don't want us to be there you know they would some people want to be alone some people want to have like family members there loved ones no you've just said two things I don't want.

Speaker 140 Alone or with fabrics, as you would say.

Speaker 98 Yeah.

Speaker 111 All right, we'll come along because I do want to try that pastity desperately.

Speaker 303 It's always nice to take people who've not had one.

Speaker 38 Yeah.

Speaker 303 So on Alma, when we were filming the second series, I know that at 11 o'clock I get hungry

Speaker 303 because

Speaker 303 you set up at 5 a.m. They feed you at like, what, 8 a.m.

Speaker 303 And then often you don't get food till like 3 p.m.

Speaker 303 And you don't want to be the difficult diva asking when lunch is, but you can feel that you just.

Speaker 303 So I thought, what I'm going to do is I'm going to make sure I've got me 11ses.

Speaker 303 So I have my driver, Chris, who I got, I had him specific one, so he's my one. And I gave him a

Speaker 303 kitty for the two months we were filming. And every day in his little bag, he had a special warming bag for me.

Speaker 303 He would bring me two pastas, a meat and potato and a cheese potato from your pasta shop.

Speaker 130 But then all the crew were like, oh, that looks good.

Speaker 303 So I was like, oh, do you want one next?

Speaker 303 Before I knew it, I was was getting 60 pasties a day, costing an absolute fortune. We'd stop at 11 and go,

Speaker 303 cheese and potato this side, mean potato.

Speaker 203 It was just mad, you know, chaos.

Speaker 303 Everyone had a pasta by the end. We were all put on loads of weight together.

Speaker 36 I absolutely love that you're like, well, you don't want to seem like a diva.

Speaker 154 So I send my driver with a special warning back.

Speaker 98 Yeah.

Speaker 124 I know he's mixed messages, but you know.

Speaker 87 But then if you're buying them for everyone else then as well, you've nailed it.

Speaker 303 You bring it back around then, don't you?

Speaker 63 But then surely, just surely that's taken up so much time sorting all the pasties out that you may as well just move lunch early.

Speaker 303 Well, no, because Chris is on it, Chris, Chris is on it,

Speaker 114 Chris fucking knocking by the end of it, dragging sacks of pasties behind him.

Speaker 160 Is he filling the car with them?

Speaker 303 Well, he's not just he came on as what did they call him because he

Speaker 303 got a good fee, don't we? Chris, he got a really good fee. In fact, I've sent a lot of emails making sure he got paid for going above and beyond.

Speaker 303 Yeah, you know, he's not just a driver, he's more like my therapist.

Speaker 303 He's lovely, and he, he got a new kitchen.

Speaker 314 Yeah. So he did all right.

Speaker 157 He did all right, yeah.

Speaker 217 Unfortunately, you can't use it because it's just full of fucking pasties.

Speaker 225 This toast in the dream restaurant.

Speaker 75 White bread.

Speaker 69 Granary, I think.

Speaker 107 Yeah.

Speaker 69 Granary.

Speaker 64 I respect that.

Speaker 212 And I want to cut it myself.

Speaker 36 I've had enough of going to somewhere.

Speaker 80 I'll name a shame, Gails.

Speaker 212 And them saying, do you want it sliced?

Speaker 72 Because I just don't.

Speaker 107 It's too thin.

Speaker 233 And if I'm going to to spend more than I should on bread,

Speaker 256 I at least want to slice it.

Speaker 212 I don't want to get sliced bread.

Speaker 70 So, but you're annoyed at Gail's for offering you the option.

Speaker 83 Yeah.

Speaker 134 Even though they're not doing it and then giving it to you and you're like, I didn't want to sliced it.

Speaker 97 It doesn't even be an option.

Speaker 211 I always get my bread sliced.

Speaker 97 Why?

Speaker 134 Because it means that...

Speaker 211 I can have a couple of slices of it and I don't feel awful afterwards. Whereas if I'm cutting it myself, I'm cutting doorstep thick slices.

Speaker 250 Yeah, I'm not very good at doing them uniform.

Speaker 64 Yeah.

Speaker 83 You don't need to do them uniform.

Speaker 75 Live a little.

Speaker 203 You have a wedge shape just enjoy the difference of life look you two are different yes we're still like you we're different slices yeah you're different slices there's a doorstep and there's a wedge

Speaker 21 i'll take that

Speaker 277 the doorstep and the wedge

Speaker 209 you want to slice it how thick are you slicing it then I thought we were about to move on from this, but actually, there's a lot more to take.

Speaker 77 Yeah, we actually haven't got into the nitty-gritty lights.

Speaker 105 go thick please yeah yeah

Speaker 113 how many centimeters we're talking oh well what i it's got to fit in the toaster

Speaker 16 um what you don't know what a centimetre is right sorry that buried the lead there yeah

Speaker 66 gosh when he couldn't know what a centimetre is all right what's a sliced piece of toast one centimetre no uh it'd be less than a centimetre a slice of toast yeah maybe slightly less Okay, then probably 1.3 centimetres.

Speaker 9 Okay.

Speaker 76 So you're not going big like prop.

Speaker 94 It's got to fit in the toast there.

Speaker 212 But I do, with sandwiches, I have a big thing about ratios.

Speaker 69 Uh-huh.

Speaker 212 I think the filling has come to dominate sandwiches in a way that I think is unhealthy.

Speaker 70 So you're hanging, you don't like the filling?

Speaker 107 No.

Speaker 69 You're the only person who's like, it's more like you'd imagine me, isn't it?

Speaker 204 This is absolutely perfect.

Speaker 69 Yeah.

Speaker 226 In my head, I'm just seeing us climbing the chair.

Speaker 262 We got him.

Speaker 109 We absolutely got him.

Speaker 80 Just let him talk.

Speaker 97 Yeah. You don't like the filling of the sandwich.

Speaker 108 I don't like the filling of a sandwich.

Speaker 63 The bread's the best bit.

Speaker 215 I hate it when there's too much filling,

Speaker 212 when there's a thick, gelatinous cheese.

Speaker 208 Delicious.

Speaker 68 It's awful.

Speaker 212 Like, it just sticks into your mouth.

Speaker 273 And the bread, it's all about the bread for me.

Speaker 187 Yeah.

Speaker 24 Look, bread is, of course, important in a sandwich.

Speaker 100 Yeah, I'm glad you've...

Speaker 210 Yeah. Of course.
I'm willing to admit that.

Speaker 241 But I love...

Speaker 90 I think of you. So would you...

Speaker 217 So your dream sandwich is just like butter and marmite or whatever?

Speaker 259 My dream sandwich would probably be that's that's a different podcast.

Speaker 97 That's a different podcast.

Speaker 68 Hop sandwich. Yeah, that's off sandwich.

Speaker 97 Off sandwich.

Speaker 64 Part of our franchise.

Speaker 177 I'm a franchise.

Speaker 108 I'd love you to start franchising it.

Speaker 36 My dream sandwich is

Speaker 205 butter and salt vinegar squares.

Speaker 210 I'm glad I asked that question.

Speaker 271 Had it to go.

Speaker 29 I didn't even have to think about it.

Speaker 64 Knew what it was.

Speaker 69 Sort of vinegar Squares was a sandwich.

Speaker 108 Are you doing it with Salt and Vigil Squares?

Speaker 68 Because you can fit them perfectly into the sandwich.

Speaker 251 But that is a bonus.

Speaker 88 I imagine also they're not overlapping these Salt and Vigil Squares.

Speaker 120 No, actually, I don't mind a little bit of overlap.

Speaker 253 Like when I do my,

Speaker 78 I take that over the fear that there'll be a bit where they're not overlapping.

Speaker 212 Like when you do cheese on cheese on toast. Yeah.

Speaker 68 You don't want a gap.

Speaker 210 You don't want a gap.

Speaker 86 I'd rather a bit of overlap than a gap.

Speaker 24 You'd rather an overlap on cheese on toast where one bit hasn't necessarily melted as much as the others.

Speaker 262 Yes, yeah, yeah, yeah, because there's an overlap.

Speaker 208 Don't get me started on people who grate cheese on toast.

Speaker 292 I think we're gonna.

Speaker 266 If we get you started on every single issue,

Speaker 74 we are gonna be here for eight hours.

Speaker 141 I think a real theme of this is going to be me realizing I'm not well.

Speaker 184 Yeah,

Speaker 141 I was looking through my photos on my phone to remind myself of meals I've enjoyed.

Speaker 200 Oh no, I'm not well.

Speaker 316 I eat so much more to Dela,

Speaker 135 So much smoked ham of various kinds.

Speaker 134 Okay, so what I want to investigate is every time you eat mortadella or smoked ham, are you taking a photo?

Speaker 93 It seems like it.

Speaker 21 Yeah, that's what I'm saying.

Speaker 15 It's not necessarily what you eat all the time.

Speaker 81 That's what's terrifying.

Speaker 191 Those are the photos I took.

Speaker 141 We must assume those times I just enjoyed a mortadella, no pics.

Speaker 97 Sure.

Speaker 134 And even if you are, why are you taking a photo of mortadella?

Speaker 76 Because I wouldn't say...

Speaker 9 Who am I sending that to?

Speaker 97 Yeah. Not me.

Speaker 154 I wouldn't say it's the most picturesque.

Speaker 97 It's ugly looking thing. Disgusting.
Yeah.

Speaker 145 Mortadella mortadella is great oh it's so nice i had some the other day actually from um dalesford oh wow

Speaker 64 it had pistachios in it oh i actually don't need a pistachio but i'm happy if it's a it was more a textural thing than a flavor thing yeah and uh i ordered some like it was on deliveroo i think and on like dalesford on deliveroo yeah it was on like a grocery app and i got it and my wife charlie was away and i was on tour so i was getting back quite late and i'd just be getting back from gigs and um having a little uh a little uh antipasty oh that is chic going straight to bed mortadella bedtime bye-bye mortadella in bed

Speaker 67 i think i draw the line there i have a very um greasy high self-awareness for bleak moments sure and mortadella in bed might be crossing the line for me it sounds lovely yeah but you'd have to get up you'd have to have wipes nearby you'd have to have wipes nearby there'd definitely be a bit where if i'm lying on my back eating mortadella where i dropped some of my chest and that would feel weird yeah yeah also sometimes there's stringy bits like around the edge if that got in your tooth and you woke up up the next morning.

Speaker 64 That's sad.

Speaker 145 And I wake up the next morning and there's a bit of mortadella next to me.

Speaker 97 I'll be like, you killed an eight Charlie.

Speaker 98 I'm so sorry.

Speaker 25 Just because she's quite pink.

Speaker 175 Yeah, she's quite pink. She's got the pustachios.

Speaker 210 Yeah, she's a big lady with green flecks. Yeah.

Speaker 191 She does like lime green clothes.

Speaker 141 Oh, but mortadella pre-bed. That's nice.

Speaker 196 So you have done mortadella pre-bed.

Speaker 107 Oh, yeah. In the house?

Speaker 170 In the house? In the bed?

Speaker 141 Not in the bed, but only because my longtime lover Nish is weirdly a clean freak despite every

Speaker 286 aspect of his personality that you are all aware of um he you know because he's just like a sort of a jovial

Speaker 141 big energy hairy handsome man and then you've made him sound like Santa that's the only thing in my head I'm thinking of um the Muppet playing the drums animal animal yeah okay yeah I would

Speaker 81 it's so he would be very furious with food in bed yeah okay yeah if I had my own bed which I'm pushing for absolutely.

Speaker 80 One day.

Speaker 18 Absolutely.

Speaker 203 I can have food in that bed.

Speaker 162 Crumb bed.

Speaker 220 Love bed.

Speaker 97 Two separate rooms. Two separate rooms.

Speaker 210 Crumb bed and love bed. Yeah.

Speaker 251 And Nish is never going in the crumb bed.

Speaker 97 He wouldn't want to.

Speaker 265 So he's setting up residence in the love bed.

Speaker 90 Yeah. And you're flitting between crumb and love.

Speaker 68 He can't be in the love bed on his own.

Speaker 196 He's got to have another bed.

Speaker 191 What's a good bed?

Speaker 141 Well, what does he need a bed alone for?

Speaker 208 You would know more than that.

Speaker 97 You two would would know more than me.

Speaker 210 Well, when we lived in a flat together, like just like maybe worrying,

Speaker 237 you're gonna have a little worrying,

Speaker 108 yeah, a little worry bed.

Speaker 278 Love bed is the one at its own, yeah.

Speaker 206 Don't you dare bring the worrying or crumbs into the love bed, yeah, yeah, yeah.

Speaker 316 And also, I don't want worrying in my crumb bed either, especially worrying about that.

Speaker 286 That's actually a place of pure bliss.

Speaker 141 That's the best bed, that's the best bed, my crumb bed, and in my mind, it's a divan, you know, like a sort of sofa bed situated, a day bed, yeah, you know, so it's it's kind of a reclining energy.

Speaker 141 Is this where you want to have your dream meal in the love bed or the crumb bed do you remember in sex in the city or any uh new york representation of the 90s um they would always take them to a club called bed and there'd be like a big room with lots of beds in it and if i've made this up wow that mortadella it's gone to my head

Speaker 163 and it would be like the cool nightclub thing to do sit in a bed

Speaker 141 white bed and i always thought I actually don't know if I like reclining when food is around when there are other people there.

Speaker 141 So am I alone in the dream restaurant or is there a blue genie looking at me?

Speaker 105 Whatever you want to do.

Speaker 251 I don't have to be there.

Speaker 215 I can magic it into the restaurant for you.

Speaker 234 Magic in and out.

Speaker 209 Yeah, you need never deal with another person in the restaurant.

Speaker 141 Then, who am I going to talk to about how nice the food is?

Speaker 110 Yeah, that's true.

Speaker 141 Who am I going to make the noises to?

Speaker 272 You've got to make the noises at someone. Yeah.

Speaker 24 I mean, I've had some fantastic meals alone, but you are missing something if you're not making the noises at people.

Speaker 211 And then you find yourself, for example, taking photos of everything and sending it to people.

Speaker 141 Yeah, and I'm with Nish when he's sending those photos to you, so that is bleak.

Speaker 141 So I know I don't want to be in a bed, but I wouldn't mind a bed being nearby for after straight after straight after yeah

Speaker 174 my favorite dips are franks i like franks because it's very vaniery and it makes you sweat from here i always think that's a good thing franks franks buffalo sauce yeah i wouldn't buffalo sauce i wouldn't even describe that as a dip so this is the level you're operating on now

Speaker 42 a hot sauce it's a sauce a sauce hot sauce a ju whatever you

Speaker 160 no dip i'm thinking you could get a pot of it and then you're dipping it in i'm sorry yeah she's she's done you that no a sauce you're putting on top of it.

Speaker 277 You're absolutely done.

Speaker 25 No, you're not even listening to me.

Speaker 249 You know the difference between a dip and a sauce.

Speaker 135 Yeah,

Speaker 315 I think Anna thinks you could eat with your tongue.

Speaker 165 Classified as a duck. Right, okay.

Speaker 315 The tongue is the ultimate spoon.

Speaker 90 The tongue's the ultimate spoon.

Speaker 43 Okay, now I fully believe that that is a dip.

Speaker 83 Listen, Cincha has chosen categorically

Speaker 97 a hot sauce.

Speaker 254 So you are correct, but she'd done you with the shoe thing.

Speaker 21 Absolutely done you.

Speaker 81 Okay, so I'm going for buffalo sauce.

Speaker 315 Buffalo sauce. I like that green dip that you get from an Andean, you know, the We Herbie one.

Speaker 141 Yeah.

Speaker 315 It's sort of like an Andean pesto. Yeah.
It doesn't taste anything like pesto.

Speaker 299 Okay, yeah, yeah, yeah.

Speaker 64 I love that.

Speaker 278 Quite fresh, quite sort of zingy.

Speaker 165 Quite fresh.

Speaker 239 And green chili in there as well.

Speaker 165 Bottom of green chili, a lot of spice.

Speaker 317 A lot of the lime pickle also from the Andean.

Speaker 73 Yes.

Speaker 174 I wouldn't know about women for salsa or

Speaker 174 soyer cream or anything like that.

Speaker 64 No.

Speaker 174 Sawyer cream, I think, to me, is fucking gross.

Speaker 102 Every time I meet a new person from Ireland who I've not met before, I learn a new phrase that I didn't know existed.

Speaker 299 And I didn't know I wouldn't be a big woman for them.

Speaker 68 I've never heard that before.

Speaker 109 And every time I'm like, I love that phrase.

Speaker 175 I would like to steal it.

Speaker 41 Yeah.

Speaker 153 But

Speaker 211 I feel like you could bring that into your lexicon.

Speaker 226 There were certain things I could get away with saying on stage.

Speaker 315 I think because you've got a bit of a ginger gene. Nobody, you could say it in an Irish face and it would be believable but like oh man must be Irish.

Speaker 121 Yeah.

Speaker 177 That's good.

Speaker 109 You get away with that.

Speaker 120 That's good to know.

Speaker 84 I'll get to decide how Ed eats your food.

Speaker 199 Yes, there you go. Yeah, okay.

Speaker 81 Yeah.

Speaker 70 So how am I eating the biryani?

Speaker 160 Well, you've got the biryani. Oh yeah.

Speaker 262 How many

Speaker 150 I guess I'd like you eat it one grain at a time.

Speaker 200 Oh no.

Speaker 156 That's how you do it.

Speaker 268 You've got a banana leaf to play with.

Speaker 199 Oh yeah.

Speaker 81 You can use that.

Speaker 214 You have to lick the banana leaf clean.

Speaker 81 Lick the banana leaf.

Speaker 68 At the end clean, yeah.

Speaker 196 Yeah, but you have to eat one grain of rice at a time and then just lick everything else off the banana leaf.

Speaker 58 That genuinely sounds like torture to me.

Speaker 111 That's awful.

Speaker 60 That's given the idea of eating, having an amazing, like, flavoursome meal and I'm hungry and I've got to eat one grain of rice at a time.

Speaker 207 Yeah.

Speaker 297 That's like when you were a kid and they were saying chew everything 32 times. Did you guys have that?

Speaker 167 Yeah.

Speaker 297 There's always this thing. It's like, chew your food 32 times.
I'm in the opposite position. My elder son, who hates eating for some reason, it's really upsetting.

Speaker 297 He's his five-year-old and I just finished battles at breakfast with him and you give him a bite and he's got this really good way of hiding food in his cheek.

Speaker 43 Like a hamster.

Speaker 96 Like a hamster. Yeah.

Speaker 297 And you know, it just fills up and like there are days I've caught him with a slice of pizza there about an hour and a half later. Like he's gone off to play something.

Speaker 297 He's gone to a class and he's come back and he's like, he's been eating. And the teacher's like, oh, was he chewing gum? I said, no, it's like, what's in his mouth?

Speaker 167 And he's like, oh, I've got pizza.

Speaker 297 It's now become too dry. Can I spit it out?

Speaker 181 I was like, you should have just asked me earlier.

Speaker 297 But it's a bit like him. Like, I tell him, eat fast, because we always grew up saying

Speaker 297 32 bites. And that was really frustrating.

Speaker 291 Yeah, you've got to chew chew everything so many times yeah i was told that as well there was no chance i was listening to that four or five times at most

Speaker 297 just enough to make sure it sort of doesn't kill you on the way yeah just to get it down yeah yeah yeah

Speaker 284 also i can't be counting and eating like that's

Speaker 81 fall asleep yeah

Speaker 29 yeah forget it man just changes forever after while after like five six bites it tastes nothing does it yeah yeah no no thank you no you you can have as many bites as you like in the dream restaurant yeah okay

Speaker 160 If Ed has to

Speaker 70 slamming a pancake into my face with all the filling on my hand, yeah.

Speaker 68 Pancake first.

Speaker 69 I think that's pancake last. Huh?

Speaker 68 Pancake last.

Speaker 66 Pancake goes on last and it goes in your mouth first.

Speaker 180 Right, okay.

Speaker 209 It's very important. Yes, thank you.

Speaker 258 Actually, maybe the banana leaf.

Speaker 72 Do you want me to wear it like baloo?

Speaker 297 Yeah, I was gonna say.

Speaker 291 Do you want me to wear it like balloo?

Speaker 209 Yes,

Speaker 177 yes.

Speaker 297 Can I leave the restaurant in this?

Speaker 6 Are you much of a foodie, Danny?

Speaker 80 Do you

Speaker 159 I eat a lot of shit.

Speaker 118 So

Speaker 95 I don't know much about food, but I realise

Speaker 95 I do eat a lot of shit, and I always have. Don't know why.
I don't know why that is. I just, you know, that quick fix of just flavour.
Yeah. You know, that's the game I'm in, really.

Speaker 95 I can quite easily just fly through a pack of,

Speaker 95 you know, them sort of the processed cheese. Yeah.
But the dairy lee ones, you know, so you know, it's better than a triangle because it's hard getting it out of the triangle. Yeah.

Speaker 95 But, you know, I can sit there on my my own, just opening them, just smashing them down. No bread, no crackers.

Speaker 187 Like the slices.

Speaker 262 Like the slices. Yeah, yeah.

Speaker 95 The Dairy Leaf slices.

Speaker 95 You know, I mean, the thing is, if you're sort of on your set and you're just smothered with all the little wrappers around you, which is no good. And interestingly,

Speaker 95 it was hot last night, and I had a fan on. So every time I sort of took the cheese out of its thing, the wrappers were flying all over the gaffe and

Speaker 9 it was a fucking mess.

Speaker 144 Like Christopher Ways.

Speaker 95 So yeah, I do eat a lot of process stuff. Hence why I've got a pair of tits.

Speaker 154 I think that's it, isn't it?

Speaker 80 That's dial active.

Speaker 97 Yeah, again, yeah. But

Speaker 95 I think that's the reason for tits in men. I think it's processed food, you know.

Speaker 68 Processed cheese.

Speaker 160 Straight back chilly.

Speaker 105 But you think if it's dairy lee,

Speaker 95 you know, he's not had half a chance. I mean, it's better than the other.
sort of just the Morrison's one, you know what I mean? Just the sort of really yellowy one, you know what I mean?

Speaker 95 At least it's dairy lee.

Speaker 95 So in answer to your question, no, I'm not a foodie. I wish I was.

Speaker 208 I think as you get older in life, maybe you learn more about grub.

Speaker 95 And it's all about the gut health, innit? Now, I know about that probiotic,

Speaker 95 but you just can't be fucked at the moment, you know.

Speaker 97 So

Speaker 95 it's a science, isn't it?

Speaker 145 It's a science, but it sort of takes the joy out of food, though, if you're thinking about science.

Speaker 95 I think eventually I would like to maybe learn about the gut health more.

Speaker 208 I don't know when.

Speaker 19 Maybe like in between cheese slices, you can Google it and look up.

Speaker 95 You couldn't have a cheese slicer, see? You know, because it all starts with a gut. So I can't imagine what my guts are going through.

Speaker 97 And I do apologise.

Speaker 167 If I had a starter, okay, if I had a starter.

Speaker 97 You don't have to have one.

Speaker 167 No, no, no. I've been thinking it through.
I would have soup. I like soup.
I like chicken soup. I like vegetable soup.

Speaker 286 But it's weird.

Speaker 167 I can't really have soup in a restaurant. I feel it's kind of, it makes you look quite vulnerable.

Speaker 167 You know, just like it ages you 30 years, first of all.

Speaker 64 Just a hot soup.

Speaker 167 And everyone's looking at you with your soup. So.
That's more like something you have at home with your partner and it's cold and you're going to have a nice soup and it was lovely soup.

Speaker 196 Yeah, you just let your guard down. Yeah, and you're just having lovely.

Speaker 167 You just talk about the soups, lovely soup. That was lovely.
I'd have that. Yeah, but in a restaurant, I don't want to have soup.

Speaker 24 What about it makes you feel vulnerable, do you think?

Speaker 287 And why do you think everyone's looking at you while you have your soup?

Speaker 167 I just always feel when I have a soup in a restaurant that I just look, you know, I just look older. I look, you know, what am I now? 26?

Speaker 167 I just feel like it just makes you look like an old person having a soup in a restaurant.

Speaker 64 Yeah. It's not a good look.

Speaker 167 I think people pity the soup drinker. That's what I think.
Yeah, yeah. That's what I'd say.
Yeah. I think it's pity.

Speaker 70 Do you have the natural well i could choose if no one's there then couldn't i could you choose yeah you could have no one there or you could eat you know like the the autolin thing that french dish where they eat it under a blanket because they're so ashamed by how disgusting it looks what is that

Speaker 211 tiny little bird yeah they don't they don't want god to see them eating this tiny little bird yeah what's wrong with the bird well it's just so small and beautiful that it's like considered a shameful thing to eat because it's delicious but it's like a whole little bird and they're eating it whole they're eating it whole so they put a blanket over the head so God can't see them eat it.

Speaker 167 And it's cooked.

Speaker 64 It's a cooked bird.

Speaker 63 Yeah, I think I've never seen it.

Speaker 167 But they eat it whole. They eat.

Speaker 68 I think the beak and everything, yeah.

Speaker 167 And this is a thing now. This happens now.

Speaker 134 I think it's more of a thing in the past.

Speaker 293 Right.

Speaker 63 It was on succession, right? As well.

Speaker 105 Yeah, they did it once.

Speaker 97 That's sort of the succession where Tom Woman scans does it.

Speaker 70 But you could do that with soup.

Speaker 183 Yeah, no, I think people look at me even more.

Speaker 191 I know they would be looking at me.

Speaker 64 Yeah.

Speaker 8 Do you tuck a napkin into your collar?

Speaker 209 I can't do that.

Speaker 167 Yeah, that's too. Do you put a napkin? It's demeaning.

Speaker 24 It is demeaning, but yeah, I do do it.

Speaker 108 But I know what I'd have.

Speaker 148 Okay.

Speaker 167 Before dinner at home, around six, I can always get a bit peckish, hungry, you know, that word. And I will have a bowl of cereal.

Speaker 108 This is my drink. This is what I want.

Speaker 108 You're allowed it.

Speaker 64 Okay.

Speaker 200 I'm going to have it.

Speaker 167 I'm going to have a bowl of cereal.

Speaker 108 I'm going to have a bowl, right?

Speaker 167 50% corn flakes. They go in first.

Speaker 286 50% rice krispies.

Speaker 167 No, it's fucking mad, but I'm going to have this.

Speaker 64 This is what you do. Yeah.

Speaker 201 Honey.

Speaker 167 Yeah. I don't want it served with the thing

Speaker 167 that shaped the wooden thing with the thing that looks like, you know, a bit bees on the end and they it drips everywhere. Squeezy honey on it.

Speaker 170 Cold oat milk. Yeah.
And I want that.

Speaker 90 Now, in terms of soup, I would really enjoy that.

Speaker 154 Soup ages you certainly is.

Speaker 294 Yeah.

Speaker 287 Does cereal have the opposite effect?

Speaker 167 That's a good point.

Speaker 97 Yeah.

Speaker 83 For every young.

Speaker 167 It would not, it would knock a month off.

Speaker 29 Yeah.

Speaker 286 But no one's going to be looking. Yeah.
But I could choose who's there, if not. If, you know, could I have a button?

Speaker 167 Like, you know, when you see sometimes it says call for champagne.

Speaker 108 And that's.

Speaker 167 Can I have a button and it? And it changes the people.

Okay.

Speaker 191 So who do you want with the people? Well, I know who I want. Yes.

Because I saw these people in a restaurant. I had a meal about five years ago with Tom Rosenthal and Simon Burr from Friday night dinner.
We had a disgusting meal somewhere.

Speaker 13 All the food was awful.

Speaker 167 It was brilliant. And sitting at a table about four away from us was Alistair Campbell, you know, the labour with Mick Hucknell.

Speaker 64 Wow.

Speaker 81 Yeah.

Speaker 134 They were together.

Speaker 64 They were together having dinner.

Speaker 252 So I want them.

Speaker 167 But like every table has them, like 20 tables

Speaker 167 all there eating, having different conversations.

Speaker 167 I can't quite hear them. I don't know if they're talking about politics or music.
And it's quite annoying, but interesting. And I'll have them there and they can watch me eat.

Speaker 24 So 20 tables of Mick Hucknille and Alistair Campbell's.

Speaker 170 Yeah. Yeah, I want that.

Speaker 286 While I'm having my cereal, just so I can tell people afterwards, I had the freakiest meal.

Speaker 167 I had cereal and 20 replica Mick Hucknills and Alistair Campbell's were watching me eat.

Speaker 68 Are they moving in single? Are they all

Speaker 286 moving in sync?

Speaker 193 They're all having their own. Yeah, they don't even know.

Speaker 249 They don't see themselves and go, that's me.

Speaker 167 Yeah. They're just in their own little void.

Speaker 292 Having different conversations. Yeah, I can never quite hear them.

Speaker 64 Yeah. I wonder what they were doing together.

Speaker 217 Maybe Mick Hucknell was the original instead. He was supposed to do the rest as politics instead of Rory Stewart.

Speaker 142 Yeah.

Speaker 99 That was the original meeting.

Speaker 287 Yeah.

Speaker 209 Could have been. Yeah.

Speaker 69 It could have been that, couldn't it? It could have been that, yeah.

Speaker 167 Would it be more successful or less successful?

Speaker 24 I feel like it's the opposing Labour conservative that makes that show work. And you can't have both of them being simply read.

Speaker 153 Oh,

Speaker 159 beautiful.

Speaker 64 I mean, beautiful. That was.

Speaker 167 I mean, come on.

Speaker 97 If this was live,

Speaker 64 that would be it, wouldn't it?

Speaker 177 That would go mad.

Speaker 167 And then someone would heckle something about 15 seconds later that's not quite as funny.

Speaker 219 Yeah, explain when we're trying to get a lot of fun.

Speaker 16 Yeah, simply read songs

Speaker 108 that doesn't quite work.

Speaker 64 Yeah. The name.

Speaker 286 Yeah. I can't think what that is.

Speaker 167 Fairground. Yeah.
Yeah, that definitely doesn't work.

Speaker 29 Fairground.

Speaker 17 That joke was.

Speaker 184 Fairground.

Speaker 84 The bowl of cereal, you say 50-50.

Speaker 83 Because it's a dream.

Speaker 196 We can make anything happen.

Speaker 246 Do you want the divide to happen horizontally or vertically?

Speaker 81 Do you want it?

Speaker 167 No, I'm going to go horizontal.

Speaker 191 Yeah.

Speaker 83 I would want a vertical.

Speaker 170 But how do you do that?

Speaker 64 Well, it's a dream.

Speaker 105 We'll just have two marshmallows.

Speaker 246 We can make this happen for you, that you've got like half and half, like from the top.

Speaker 167 Well, saying that, when me and Peter, Sarah Finnewich, to write Look Around You, our treat at the end of the day was we'd buy a Mars bar, right?

Speaker 167 And we'd cut it in half vertically and call it a vase bar. And that was our treat.
So maybe in honor of that, I should do this, you know, have it vertical.

Speaker 154 I love the insanity that people go through when they're when they're on.

Speaker 21 Come on, you know, you know what it's like.

Speaker 97 Yeah, it was our vase bar.

Speaker 167 We'd have it one a day. He did a thing which was something like all the fun of a Mars in a mist.
It's like a Mars spray that you spray into your mouth.

Speaker 277 What does it, if a Mars a day helps you work, rest, and play, right?

Speaker 167 Work, rest, and pray.

Speaker 199 Just wondering what a Vase did.

Speaker 214 Yeah, what does a Vase do?

Speaker 97 Oh, God.

Speaker 69 Berg, Fest, and Vey.

Speaker 167 I don't know what it is.

Speaker 64 I could work out what it rhymes with.

Speaker 286 You've got to leave this in.

Speaker 167 This is no way coming out. You've got to leave this.
I just don't know, James.

Speaker 262 No.

Speaker 247 I don't know the answer to that.

Speaker 167 I don't have a funny answer to that. Yeah.

Speaker 61 It's okay. Joe, what?

Speaker 215 I think it's, you know, it takes a...

Speaker 196 a grown-up to admit that.

Speaker 69 It's very much a good idea.

Speaker 108 Thank you very much.

Speaker 15 I wish I'd be a comedy writer, yeah.

Speaker 68 But you've admitted.

Speaker 64 Failure. I'm stumped.

Speaker 43 Pop-doms or bread. Pop-loads of bread, Virginia.

Speaker 120 Poploves or bread.

Speaker 146 It's definitely bread.

Speaker 223 I hate poppadoms.

Speaker 125 They're grim.

Speaker 80 I hate them?

Speaker 111 Rare to get hatred for one of them.

Speaker 183 I really hate them.

Speaker 224 They're so nothing.

Speaker 137 It's like biting into just, just, just, it doesn't taste of anything. It was your, you wanted a flavoured breadstick.

Speaker 126 I don't want a flavoured poppadom.

Speaker 200 I just don't want a poppadom.

Speaker 126 They're just, they're just no. Very, very good.

Speaker 80 I think you're in the bin.

Speaker 199 So what are you, what are you doing then?

Speaker 24 Because obviously you're saying you love a breadstick at the beginning of the meal.

Speaker 225 It's nice to

Speaker 171 get it going if it's there. If it's there.

Speaker 225 When the poppadoms are there and there's no other food knocking around, are you dipping into the poppadum?

Speaker 126 I'm going to say I'm going to avoid the curry house as well.

Speaker 171 Are you? Just completely.

Speaker 223 I'm good, yes.

Speaker 224 If the poppadom's there, it's like, God, I know I'm in here now.

Speaker 223 And now I'm going to have to eat a restaurant curry.

Speaker 126 And you probably get this with any Indian heritage chef who comes on, but you know, restaurant curry is just like not what you eat at home.

Speaker 124 It's always like one sauce.

Speaker 108 It's very gloopy.

Speaker 126 Like my entire life went for, as long as you go and get a curry.

Speaker 126 And it's like absolutely fucking not yeah um or if we have to then i just uh you know sadly disappointed the entire meal yeah um and i don't drink beer either and i think that goes well with a curry i can see that they go together and while ritual of it yeah yeah so yeah popped dumbs like they will herald like a poor evening's dining for me so that's probably why whereas bread on the other hand is great and then you get to have all the butter and again i kind of keep on thinking about european holidays probably because i'm so desperate to get out of the house and maybe the country on holiday but you go on holiday with your your mates when you're a teenager and you sit down and they bring bread.

Speaker 319 And then everyone's like, oh, there's a really nice extra verdant olive oil.

Speaker 166 I'm just like, no, butter,

Speaker 149 British, butter.

Speaker 126 Yeah, I don't want my bread to kind of taste of, you know, like kind of olive oil, grassy notes, you know.

Speaker 286 I was like, I don't want my bread to taste like grass.

Speaker 149 I just want it to taste like butter, please.

Speaker 286 Ideally salted.

Speaker 64 Yeah, I'm always butter over olive oil.

Speaker 287 But if there is nice olive oil, I would still think, you know.

Speaker 217 Is it the and the really green olive oil as well?

Speaker 60 Are you against oil?

Speaker 39 I'm not against it.

Speaker 222 I think I don't, I don't have a specific, yeah, I know, just

Speaker 97 I don't, not grass, uh, I'm not like a cat.

Speaker 253 Um, I don't, I don't think I'd want to add it on.

Speaker 223 I, I get, I get putting it in a salad dressing, but my palate is not sophisticated enough.

Speaker 73 Let's put it on the side. I don't think that's

Speaker 105 the reason at all.

Speaker 223 Yeah.

Speaker 126 I like being sort of like smacked around the face with that flavor, but not kind of just not grass.

Speaker 23 Your dream side dish.

Speaker 123 Dream side dish

Speaker 123 would probably be fried halloumi just comes off the top of my head.

Speaker 64 Yeah.

Speaker 133 Halloo me to introduce myself.

Speaker 134 Let it come off.

Speaker 80 Let it come off the top of your head.

Speaker 173 Halloo me to introduce myself.

Speaker 120 I've heard a lot of halloumi puns.

Speaker 86 I've never heard that one.

Speaker 68 Okay. Yeah.
Enjoy.

Speaker 134 Because hello me, I hear quite a lot.

Speaker 39 It's funny how

Speaker 10 there are certain things, the words that people hear, and you just can't help but... So obviously when you hear halloumi, you can't help but hear in your head.

Speaker 79 Someone told me the other day that they can't look at Eliam Broadway without thinking about feeling horny.

Speaker 85 And unfortunately, because of the way podcasts work, there will be a large amount of people listening to this now who then will have the same thing.

Speaker 222 Yeah, that will happen.

Speaker 123 They will just go in there.

Speaker 81 Yeah, with both Hellumi to introduce.

Speaker 123 Hallumi is something that I, I think that's why I could never not.

Speaker 123 I could never, like, I could never not eat Fried Tallumi when it's really delicious and juicy and like crispy on the outside, and it's got a little bit of whatever dip, but obviously, essentially, it would be the sweet chili sauce.

Speaker 123 That would be the main thing that you'd want. I mean, I think so, right?

Speaker 5 We've been very anti-sweet chili sauce.

Speaker 21 I'm still anti-sweet chili sauce.

Speaker 124 Wow, okay, let's go there because I need to catch up.

Speaker 87 Because that's how they served it.

Speaker 142 Binando's as well with sweet chili sauce.

Speaker 125 Okay, and you don't like that?

Speaker 155 No, I don't touch it.

Speaker 59 I just like the halloumi.

Speaker 64 Okay, why, Ed?

Speaker 76 I can just go straight, just straight halloumi.

Speaker 110 Yeah, but why?

Speaker 134 Sweet chili sauce, you may as well have a tub of jam.

Speaker 145 I think it's too sweet. Wow.

Speaker 24 I feel like there's almost nothing chilly in it.

Speaker 206 It's just pure sweetness. Wow.

Speaker 156 I kind of feel the same. Hallumi.

Speaker 34 Wow.

Speaker 85 To introduce myself.

Speaker 124 What would you have with that?

Speaker 131 What would you prefer?

Speaker 58 I think it's a normal, just straight halloumi.

Speaker 134 If I'm having Nando's, I can do like hot sauce with it, maybe, but I could just eat the fried halloumi.

Speaker 131 So here's the situation, okay?

Speaker 123 Like just for example, just hypothetically, there's a lovely big plate of fried halloumi, the perfectly crispy, little ones that are a little bit joined, the cheeky ones that you'll go for.

Speaker 123 It's a little bit bigger, delicious fresh still a bit squidgy glistening they're glistening there's a lovely big tub of sweet chili sauce in the middle you're telling me

Speaker 81 yeah you're telling me yeah

Speaker 98 you're gonna go up to that play of humi yeah you're gonna pick up a piece of that sweet juicy salty cheese and you're not gonna dip it in the chili sauce not go near it what planet are you from yeah buddy what is going on there?

Speaker 144 Why?

Speaker 98 Why? I just don't like it.

Speaker 103 I just don't like sweet chili sauce.

Speaker 92 I think it takes away from it.

Speaker 166 Talk us through it.

Speaker 64 When did this happen?

Speaker 211 Well, when did sweet chili sauce first become big?

Speaker 63 Probably the 90s?

Speaker 171 Yes. Yeah.

Speaker 63 So it's probably back in the 90s.

Speaker 105 Yes.

Speaker 87 A lot of kids were really into it.

Speaker 155 Yes.

Speaker 92 And it just

Speaker 197 wasn't my scene. I thought I'm a bit more grown up than this, you know?

Speaker 170 Okay.

Speaker 123 Is it because it was sweet? Did something happen?

Speaker 119 Well, it's just like, to me, like having melted down haribos and sweeties aren't my thing.

Speaker 64 I'm not into sweeties.

Speaker 110 I don't have a really sweet.

Speaker 210 You are because you like sweet chili sauce.

Speaker 203 Wow.

Speaker 246 Oh, halloo me to apologize. And that's behind.

Speaker 30 You should not have said that.

Speaker 175 You're a guest on this podcast.

Speaker 123 So when did you stop liking sweet things?

Speaker 76 Oh, so I'm type one diabetic.

Speaker 167 Okay.

Speaker 41 I don't, but I don't think it has anything to do with that.

Speaker 197 I like sweet things.

Speaker 76 I eat desserts.

Speaker 111 I enjoy sweet things.

Speaker 76 But I don't like pure sugar sweet things.

Speaker 70 I don't know if that's connected to my type one diagnosis, but also I just think it's a shame.

Speaker 59 I like spice and I feel like the sweetness in the sweet chili sauce is outweighs the spice too much.

Speaker 123 Do you think it's a bit patronizing to the chili?

Speaker 188 I think it's patronizing to the chili.

Speaker 86 I think that people eat it.

Speaker 36 They're like, oh, I'm having chili.

Speaker 248 You're not.

Speaker 123 You think that's what people are thinking?

Speaker 9 You think you lot

Speaker 59 are eating the sweet chili sauce and going, I like spicy things. You don't.

Speaker 86 You're eating jam.

Speaker 123 Maybe they're just eating. Maybe they're just not thinking, I like spicy things.

Speaker 133 They're just enjoying the sweet chili sauce.

Speaker 108 That could be happening.

Speaker 208 But it does not either.

Speaker 13 Yeah. Because

Speaker 123 the thing is, is I wouldn't normally have sweet chili sauce on much else. But when it comes to

Speaker 123 a fried halloumi side with sweet chili sauce, there's no way I'm not going to dip that halloumi in there.

Speaker 155 There's just no way. Yeah.

Speaker 36 See, I'm not even going to dip it.

Speaker 142 I had some halloumi fries recently at a festival.

Speaker 64 How were they?

Speaker 108 They were really good.

Speaker 217 Do you know what?

Speaker 210 I got a dip.

Speaker 39 Okay.

Speaker 110 Yeah. What was it?

Speaker 34 Garlic mayo.

Speaker 124 Okay.

Speaker 155 How do you feel about that?

Speaker 294 I feel that is a fantastic idea yeah it was that was good i didn't know what that okay signified and it was double dairy which felt weird i double dairy you it that it does allow me allow me to double dare you

Speaker 64 so that was good but there was sweet chili available and i didn't dip do you know what is delicious is real mayonnaise like homemade mayonnaise like actual mayonnaise that isn't and i feel someone panny bought eggs in the pandemic

Speaker 123 that was hollandaise that was the holidays

Speaker 123 the hollandaise months exactly But yeah, no, I can see that.

Speaker 166 Yeah.

Speaker 123 Like, oh, lovely. I mean, lovely, good Mayo.
I mean, who's not, what is not to love that?

Speaker 24 I'm going to counteract what I said a little bit here.

Speaker 64 Isn't that a bit cloying, though?

Speaker 110 Sorry.

Speaker 105 It was a bit.

Speaker 294 It was a bit claggy. Wow.

Speaker 127 Okay. Thank you for, thank you for admitting that.

Speaker 123 Thank you for being honest about that.

Speaker 64 Hello, me very much.

Speaker 97 Well, then I was trying my own one.

Speaker 157 Hello, me very much.

Speaker 97 And hello to you too.

Speaker 17 Yeah.

Speaker 290 I think it's closed now. The Ginger Man in Boston.

Speaker 72 They had buttermilk chicken sliders with hot sauce and pickles and then like a roasted Brussels with a balsamic reduction and bacon.

Speaker 111 So that's

Speaker 111 one dish.

Speaker 245 That's one

Speaker 69 yes

Speaker 86 I'll let them have a yeah, of course you would you're the ginger man

Speaker 254 But case case closed

Speaker 99 Yeah chicken sliders with hot sauce and pickles perfect more and more in my life now all I want my food to do is just tear my mouth apart.

Speaker 311 Yes, yeah, yeah.

Speaker 64 And then the next day tear yeah oh dear the other side apart yeah dick

Speaker 261 I want my food to tear my dick apart having a piss the next morning oh fucking I had a curry last night oh Christ Christ the pickles coming out

Speaker 310 I've really got into just having a big jar of pickles at home lately yeah yeah have you yeah just started started doing it my dad was obsessed with pickles as a kid it sort of put me off them a little bit oh really yeah you'll love this i worked with someone recently who's so obsessed with picklebacks that if she goes into a pub with her friends and

Speaker 72 they don't have the pickle juice to do picklebacks she'll go to a supermarket and buy a jar of pickles so she can use the brine

Speaker 70 and uh someone texted her and said you've been in this pub recently and she was like yeah how do you know she went i've just found half a jar of pickles in the toilet

Speaker 79 That's why the backs of toilets are often covered so you can't put your pickles down.

Speaker 112 Yeah.

Speaker 221 That's a deleted scene from Godfather as well.

Speaker 208 But there's a pickleback, he goes in.

Speaker 61 They got it taped to the back of his.

Speaker 64 Don't worry.

Speaker 291 Are you just dunking in your fork trying to spear one?

Speaker 196 If I'm eating something already and I've got a fork handy, but otherwise I'll just put my fingers in.

Speaker 215 Really?

Speaker 246 Yeah, no one else has eating those pickles in the house.

Speaker 196 I'm the only one who's in pickles. With pickles.

Speaker 155 Yeah.

Speaker 139 Is he on the case as well?

Speaker 269 He's like the pickles.

Speaker 311 He actually didn't get accepted by the army, so he's staying nearby and he keeps doing the tests to get in,

Speaker 245 but he can't get in.

Speaker 251 No, he can't get in.

Speaker 102 Yeah, it's a shame.

Speaker 261 For Halloween, would you do that big bowl of pickled brine and then pickles in it and then dunking in to try and get a pickle?

Speaker 68 Well, that's a complicated question.

Speaker 235 It's a yes, no.

Speaker 80 It's a yes no.

Speaker 214 Well, if so if I walked into a Halloween party and that was already set up,

Speaker 245 but you're not setting up.

Speaker 204 I'm not going.

Speaker 204 I'm not doing that. No, I'm not.

Speaker 79 I don't want to do it enough that I'm going to do it.

Speaker 195 Because it's a statement.

Speaker 311 If people turn up at yours and you've set it up, they're like, fucking.

Speaker 210 Well, you're not having anyone over for a start.

Speaker 68 No,

Speaker 250 I don't wouldn't want to.

Speaker 265 But like, if someone was like, yeah, you've got to do this.

Speaker 152 Yeah.

Speaker 214 Forget it.

Speaker 67 But if I walked in and it was just there and people were like, we're all doing this.

Speaker 64 Do you want to bob for pickles?

Speaker 68 Before they even look back at you, your head's fully submerged.

Speaker 80 Yeah, I'm audien.

Speaker 68 And I'm definitely getting one.

Speaker 25 Yeah.

Speaker 237 I'm definitely going to get one.

Speaker 226 I'm not going to not get a pickle.

Speaker 9 Yeah.

Speaker 70 It would have to be different size pickles as well to make it harder for some people.

Speaker 214 Those little tiny ones.

Speaker 218 Cornichons.

Speaker 255 Corniche.

Speaker 154 Those big ones you get in petrol stations where you get one pickle in the packet.

Speaker 210 Yep.

Speaker 66 Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

Speaker 310 I bought a couple of them for my sister's birthday the other day.

Speaker 217 She loves them.

Speaker 310 Don't understand.

Speaker 309 One of them is called a sour cis.

Speaker 245 I don't know why you're both looking at me like this.

Speaker 64 Did you buy her anything else?

Speaker 192 Yeah, I got her tickets to Groundhog Day.

Speaker 170 No one's ever bought that present.

Speaker 154 Tickets to Groundhog Day and two big pickles.

Speaker 96 I, as my starter, I choose a Japanese wax figure of food.

Speaker 161 Okay.

Speaker 322 Oh my gosh. So I'm choosing wax.

Speaker 107 No.

Speaker 322 I can't answer any more questions.

Speaker 294 You've been in.

Speaker 254 No, you have been into these things for a long time.

Speaker 8 Yeah.

Speaker 81 Wax or resin.

Speaker 88 When did you get into the wax foods and watching videos of them on YouTube?

Speaker 203 So

Speaker 207 probably

Speaker 322 from a long time ago.

Speaker 322 i think werna herzog actually did a straight like a did a documentary clip about this that was on early youtube since then a lot more content is on youtube about jap the japanese art of making fake fake food you guys will know this you've both been to japan this year

Speaker 272 also i'm also i'm married to my wife

Speaker 272 this is true i i've seen it happen and also we have a a big melting wax ice cream on our mantelpiece from japan yes well that they have that that's a wax is sort of an old, more old school version of it.

Speaker 105 I think this is a resin, maybe. This is resin, yeah.

Speaker 322 So the most popular YouTube video is watching people make lettuce in wax, but it's just, it's honestly one of the most beautiful things to watch.

Speaker 163 It brings a tear to the eye.

Speaker 105 Are these the same things that, so there's a video that my wife Charlie watches a lot and is like, I'll come watch this video again.

Speaker 145 Amy Sedaris is obsessed with fake food, yeah, and has a whole house.

Speaker 105 Fake cakes.

Speaker 145 Has a whole house full of fake food. Yeah.

Speaker 272 and charlie's shows that to me as if like oh this is what i want to be i want to be this lady i'm like i don't see a anyone else living with that lady i would live in i would live with charge

Speaker 306 i think we've got that in common massively but it's fake food is so so oh it's so exciting i mean for those who don't know what i'm talking about it's in japan right instead of like menus sometimes in the windows you'll make fake versions of the meals and they're just so accurate it's insane and they used to do it out of wax now they do it out of plastic

Speaker 131 But yeah, the process is absolutely incredible.

Speaker 211 There's whole, like, there's districts in Tokyo where all of the shops just sell those things. Yeah.

Speaker 72 And it is fun to look around at them.

Speaker 145 Yeah. I do like it.

Speaker 206 And I really like the, I like the pint glasses with the beer pouring into it.

Speaker 107 I really like that one. Yeah.

Speaker 172 Can we talk about for one second the damn bowl of ramen noodles with the chopstick going up and down outside of the restaurants?

Speaker 81 Yeah.

Speaker 156 There's one in London. I think there's one in London.

Speaker 181 In West London. Yeah.
Yeah.

Speaker 105 Outside. I love that.

Speaker 322 The Japan store.

Speaker 172 Yeah.

Speaker 9 Yeah.

Speaker 99 Do you like the?

Speaker 99 I can't remember where it is now. You two might remember.

Speaker 206 There's a statue of a boy running away from a dog and the dog's pulling his trousers down and you can see his butt.

Speaker 204 No.

Speaker 249 There's a statue outside the restaurant.

Speaker 158 You can see that statue.

Speaker 30 That was great.

Speaker 81 We went back there.

Speaker 322 Did you guys go to the cup noodle museum in Osaka?

Speaker 81 No.

Speaker 322 You've been there. That's cool.
You can make your own cup noodle.

Speaker 81 Yeah.

Speaker 75 What did you put in yours?

Speaker 112 Corn.

Speaker 110 Yeah. Spring onions.

Speaker 64 Mushrooms, maybe? I didn't. I never ate it though.

Speaker 210 No, no. You prefer a fake one.
I get a candle.

Speaker 264 I did get a candle that looked like a cup noodle.

Speaker 69 Well, Well, there you go.

Speaker 75 Another wax food.

Speaker 172 100%.

Speaker 127 So yeah, if someone brought out a cup noodle looking candle, wax candle for my starter, I'd be like, so yeah.

Speaker 24 So hang on. So we've discussed it now.

Speaker 154 So now I need to wrap my head around this.

Speaker 210 Yeah.

Speaker 24 You don't want a starter to the extent you'd rather just look at something that looks like food that you can't eat.

Speaker 306 I want a novelty.

Speaker 24 You want a novelty? I want it.

Speaker 123 Yeah, a favor. A puppy favour.

Speaker 87 So you're taking this home with you? Yeah.

Speaker 38 Yeah, okay. And what is the food again?

Speaker 194 The wax?

Speaker 322 Yeah, that's a really good, that's a good question.

Speaker 60 Maybe just a lettuce.

Speaker 163 Yeah. A head of lettuce.

Speaker 60 So, not even something that would be a good starter.

Speaker 66 I think, though, it works.

Speaker 221 Have you ever seen Rose watch these videos?

Speaker 104 No, I'm not sure.

Speaker 301 I've seen Rose watch these videos.

Speaker 226 And I'd say it's as much pleasure as people get from having a starter.

Speaker 177 Because

Speaker 29 I know.

Speaker 66 I only saw it once. Yeah.

Speaker 1 You were sitting there with your

Speaker 68 hands folded across your chest.

Speaker 77 And every time they made a different food, Rose would go, lettuce,

Speaker 235 cucumber, pickle.

Speaker 19 I just would say it to herself and it was calming and really to see that she was in a very happy place watching it.

Speaker 24 So do you want them to bring it out and it's made or do you want someone to come out and make it in front of you?

Speaker 132 That's a great question.

Speaker 128 Yeah, that's actually true.

Speaker 322 I want to see it.

Speaker 322 To be honest, maybe I just want a YouTube video. I want an iPad.

Speaker 105 No, this is a dream restaurant. We can

Speaker 322 we can bring you out an expert on that i can get the guy yeah you can get the guy to make it in front of you and then you can sit there and silently go ladies you know what i've upgraded to i've upgraded to um a youtube account called dancing bacons who's a man who goes around and goes to the most interesting like vending machines all around the world

Speaker 322 and it's all point of view and he has not one negative review of any of the foods that he eats so like my favorite ones are when he goes on like a japanese overnight ferry and he only can eat from the vending machines and it's very silent and it's just so it's the most calm it's like a brain it's like the washing of my brain to watch a man order things from a vending machine just eat it and enjoy it oh man yeah so um but i think uh for the purposes of the restaurant i want to see a man come out give me a full a full lettuce yeah chop it in half yeah i want to see the cross section yeah yeah yeah and then i want everyone to clap everyone yeah who else is there i don't know around table a crowd a crowd a crowd has gathered yeah yeah yeah because because crowds gathered yeah yeah yeah and then we see you make the knife hot

Speaker 70 there you go and that's your starter

Speaker 113 hard to be i don't want to say it early but hard to be

Speaker 324 your dream main course now i'm looking forward to hearing out of the shadow but we're out of the shadows with that now wait so my question is this gentlemen and here's my question yeah i think there needs to be an option for a middle course, like a pasta course, a secundi.

Speaker 64 You can do that. Okay.
Yeah.

Speaker 89 I would like the pasta that Steve Coogan's daughter makes.

Speaker 90 Because listening to the episode where he described the pasta that she makes that he wanted, I was like, oh, I want that too.

Speaker 325 That sounds fantastic and like light and clean, perfect for like a mid-meal plate.

Speaker 169 Yeah.

Speaker 324 I want Steve Coogan's daughter's pasta, and I don't mean that in any gross way.

Speaker 43 So don't come at me for this.

Speaker 58 It's the pasta from the episode I want that pasta is this the first time a guest has directly

Speaker 58 directly taken something from another guest stream menu that they haven't had very happy that okay I'm glad I hadn't even considered this as a menu hack but quite exciting

Speaker 80 delighted I can't even remember what the pasta was It was like a, it was like a very,

Speaker 11 like I said, it was like a very light, simple pasta that had like, I think he said broccoli or it was like with greens in it.

Speaker 324 It had like a, it was like a, almost like an agliolio, but with greens. It was not a heavy sauced pasta or anything like that.

Speaker 324 So I was like, oh, that sounds great and perfect for, because I would like my main to be a steak. You know, my main is going to be a steak.
I want something light.

Speaker 324 I don't want like a heavy meat sauce or a, you know, some sort of like real beefy pasta.

Speaker 105 I want something light.

Speaker 89 So that's, I, I thought that was a great pasta when he said it. So I'll take it.

Speaker 142 Do you have the shadow secundi?

Speaker 41 Such a good question.

Speaker 97 Of course I do, Ed.

Speaker 324 I feel like my shadow secundi would be like, because the other thing that I'm missing, which I would love that is a little bit more of an appetizer, is a charcuterie plate.

Speaker 207 Yeah.

Speaker 324 The shadow meal is little bites, is more like pita, hummus, Greek salad, like to me, charcuterie with some pickles and some, you know, all that kind of stuff.

Speaker 324 That kind of a plate I love, but not so much cheese. I'm not a big cheese person.

Speaker 324 Makes me quite gassy.

Speaker 58 So is it too close to egg in your mind, maybe?

Speaker 6 No, because I used to be able to eat cheese, but now it just upsets my stomach.

Speaker 272 So I just have to steer clear of it.

Speaker 89 But it's, I love cheese, it's great, but it really is.

Speaker 324 The older I get, the more my stomach is like, we'd really rather not. You know, this is not for us anymore.
We don't do, can't do dairy anymore.

Speaker 324 Can't really do anything that really challenges my stomach very much. Yeah.

Speaker 3 So the charcuterie shadows Sukundi?

Speaker 199 I think so.

Speaker 254 Can you say that really quick?

Speaker 154 The charcuterie shadows Sukundi.

Speaker 80 Yeah.

Speaker 29 Yeah, that was a good.

Speaker 160 You can tell this guy.

Speaker 109 Oh,

Speaker 43 Are you having a great time?

Speaker 254 He's acted with the best of them.

Speaker 78 Yeah.

Speaker 151 You give him a line.

Speaker 43 Oh, I can do it.

Speaker 325 I can do it.

Speaker 182 Sekundi Shadow.

Speaker 21 Wait, what was it?

Speaker 182 Charcuterie Shadows Sukundi.

Speaker 29 Yeah.

Speaker 47 Charcuterie, Shadows, Sukundi.

Speaker 31 You got the full range. Oh, yeah.

Speaker 4 I'm really excited that you've taken something from another guest's menu,

Speaker 61 especially because, like, I know that Steve Daughter will hear this podcast.

Speaker 80 Yes.

Speaker 177 Oh, great.

Speaker 270 And it will be a nice surprise.

Speaker 81 Oh, I hope so.

Speaker 116 And it sounds like you're making a wonderful pasta.

Speaker 105 So congrats.

Speaker 97 Yeah, congrats.

Speaker 198 Lovely stuff.

Speaker 76 James's Diet Coke story hasn't had much airtime this year, but he did get a chance to tell it to Killer Mike.

Speaker 107 And he didn't give a shit.

Speaker 9 What a cruel thing to write.

Speaker 23 He just is absolutely delighted with himself sitting in his little chair right now that he's written that.

Speaker 75 Yeah, he didn't give a shit though.

Speaker 210 But it made me laugh that we had Killer Mike on.

Speaker 14 Yeah, that was funny. Yeah.

Speaker 43 Funny that we did that.

Speaker 196 I've definitely felt one of those big, but you can't have a big, those big whiskey cubes.

Speaker 164 If I saw that in any other drink, I wouldn't be able to take it seriously.

Speaker 195 Somebody gave me like a Coke and it's got that in L Diddy.

Speaker 3 I can't.

Speaker 300 Cokes, I've broken an addiction to. I literally just loved Coca-Cola.

Speaker 68 And I'm from Atlanta, home of Coca-Cola.

Speaker 300 So I haven't had a Coke since when? Since December 31st last year.

Speaker 68 Wow. Yeah, I haven't had a Coca-Cola.

Speaker 217 So it was a New Year's resolution. Was it?

Speaker 74 Well, I just was like, man, you got to break the Coke.

Speaker 300 You You know, you gotta break the Coke addiction. So, not even a resolution.

Speaker 152 It's just like, let me see how long I can go.

Speaker 326 I did, I did cheat once.

Speaker 300 I had a float.

Speaker 215 So, I do like vanilla ice cream.

Speaker 108 So, I did, I did do that.

Speaker 208 Well, that's that, that's difficult to resist.

Speaker 80 Yeah, so the fact that you just have last together.

Speaker 68 Yeah, that's real.

Speaker 90 Also, then it's a dessert, right?

Speaker 262 Yeah, I did it as a dessert.

Speaker 80 I did.

Speaker 214 That's the equivalent of like one big ice cube.

Speaker 30 Yeah, it is a scoop of ice cream. That's as close as you're getting.

Speaker 169 That's it. That's fine.

Speaker 198 I don't think that even counts as cheating on.

Speaker 118 Yeah, I did that.

Speaker 182 I felt, I felt my stomach hadn't had a Coke or ice cream in a minute, so I spent the rest of the day in the bathroom that day.

Speaker 203 Worth it, yeah.

Speaker 80 I was literally just looking like this, like, damn.

Speaker 30 It was worth it, though.

Speaker 300 Smoking a joint on the toilet in a hotel, hoping I don't get charged for the

Speaker 179 same guy from the lakes.

Speaker 267 Hey, I go to the front.

Speaker 80 I know Bonito.

Speaker 20 You want problems with me and Bonito?

Speaker 254 I once

Speaker 155 didn't have a Coke for five years.

Speaker 195 And then I started drinking Diet Coke.

Speaker 214 And now, Diet Coke tastes exactly like Coke.

Speaker 263 I won't do Coke, Diet Coke or Coke Zero.

Speaker 267 Coke Zero, I will say, got the taste of Coke better.

Speaker 82 But when it's like us like, okay, Coke is sugar, fructose is not. But then

Speaker 267 you'll be on the internet and they'll say, Diet Coke, even worse than Coke, it makes your balls fall off.

Speaker 182 And I'm just like, what?

Speaker 267 Like, why does Diet soda kill us quicker than regular soda?

Speaker 184 But, you know.

Speaker 241 People get weird about artificial sweeteners, right?

Speaker 43 Yeah, they do.

Speaker 211 I've never heard the theory that it makes your balls fall off.

Speaker 326 Yeah, well, I mean, you know, basically, that's what this one said.

Speaker 31 And I was just like, like, well, I want my balls, so I'll probably just drink more water, eat watermelon.

Speaker 122 Your balls fall off, and then rich people use them as ice cubes.

Speaker 182 Yeah, that's usually how I would imagine.

Speaker 183 I would imagine.

Speaker 80 Evil bastards.

Speaker 66 But listen, there's one thing I love, and it's puddings.

Speaker 97 Read it out. Read it.

Speaker 9 Stick to the script. Sorry, stick to the script.

Speaker 6 But if there's one thing James loves, it's puddings.

Speaker 83 And he loved the idea of a dessert hype man with Carrie Brownstein.

Speaker 88 But I think there should be a rule that once you've ordered the desserts and then between ordering them and the desserts coming, don't talk about desserts in anything other than a positive way.

Speaker 65 Don't sit there talking to each other because then it's almost like the guilt sets in as soon as everyone's ordered the desserts.

Speaker 47 They all think, oh man, we shouldn't have done that.

Speaker 88 We had a massive meal. We shouldn't be.

Speaker 251 eating this much more and when people start doing anecdotes about like oh yeah because i had this once and

Speaker 164 I'm trying not to now.

Speaker 164 And like, now I found that if you just have a little bit of something and then you just put it back in the food, and then you start talking about those kind of things with one another.

Speaker 214 So you're already like basically making yourself feel bad about eating the dessert.

Speaker 271 And then the desserts turn up and you're like, well, I already hate myself for having this now.

Speaker 164 Whereas we should have all just gone, you know, what I love, I love ice cream so much, I can't wait for this.

Speaker 151 That would be a much better chat.

Speaker 5 But instead, you have this like diplomatic conversation about desserts, which just ruins it, ruins the fun.

Speaker 319 So you want those five minutes in between ordering and the arrival of the dessert to be more hype-oriented.

Speaker 204 Yeah.

Speaker 319 Like really just getting everyone extra excited about what's about to happen. I also get annoyed by the person or people who claim that they don't want the dessert.
They're just going to have a bite.

Speaker 125 And then they eat half.

Speaker 85 Yeah of it. Even having a bite is annoying, isn't it?

Speaker 319 I think, yeah.

Speaker 129 If you're opting out, opt out fully.

Speaker 319 I need you to commit to this hatred of dessert because now I feel like the dynamic, there's something just really complicated there.

Speaker 319 Yeah. And then they're bringing their issues.

Speaker 134 And you've got that in the back of your mind of like how much are they going to have?

Speaker 188 And then that stresses you out and then you can't enjoy the dessert.

Speaker 125 Yeah.

Speaker 86 I love the idea of hyping the dessert.

Speaker 145 Is it possible, do you think, to have a restaurant where there's a dessert hype man?

Speaker 105 Oh, and that's his only job.

Speaker 80 Maybe not.

Speaker 63 Someone's ordered dessert.

Speaker 199 No, it's not the doctor.

Speaker 90 He's a dessert hype man.

Speaker 81 He's very very specific.

Speaker 16 He's learned his craft.

Speaker 319 I love that he sort of shows up in a cape.

Speaker 319 Like the second you order dessert, it's almost like he magically appears and he's just like leading you in little cheers and little.

Speaker 261 I'm imagining Paul Scheer for some reason.

Speaker 155 Oh, yes, I can.

Speaker 254 I was thinking about Paul Scheer earlier in this episode. Were you?

Speaker 80 Yes, because when Cammy mentioned

Speaker 20 sushi,

Speaker 246 every time people mention sushi on the podcast, it reminds me of Paul Scheer.

Speaker 160 And I think about Paul Scheer, because I remember him telling us that he would go to a place and get this sushi that he loved.

Speaker 68 And this man, he was such a regular, and the man loved him so much that he gave him a sake cup that he had written Paul's name on it.

Speaker 214 I think it was Japanese.

Speaker 271 And Paul was like, that means a lot to me, that cup.

Speaker 65 And we said, do you know that it says Paul Shear?

Speaker 254 It might say, Paul Shearer drinks piss.

Speaker 63 And Paul Shearer was a wonderful guest.

Speaker 38 And we had a lot of fun with Paul.

Speaker 111 But when we made fun of his sake cup, he did not like it.

Speaker 160 It ruined his dad.

Speaker 180 We spoiled a nice thing.

Speaker 16 I was so proud of that sake cup.

Speaker 79 We spoiled a nice thing in his life.

Speaker 276 And

Speaker 68 so it almost reminds me of him a bit with sushi.

Speaker 254 I was thinking Paul Shearer drinks piss.

Speaker 21 But like, I like him.

Speaker 210 Nice man. But definitely, yeah, he'd be a great dessert hype, man.

Speaker 87 He'd be great.

Speaker 90 You're ready for dessert.

Speaker 195 Also, like, because what you don't want, Paul Shearer, I'd say,

Speaker 279 looks like someone who I'd be like, yeah, that guy, believably, does like dessert, but also it's not taken any toll on him.

Speaker 66 He looks healthy.

Speaker 249 Right.

Speaker 160 But he doesn't look too healthy.

Speaker 80 Yeah. Do you know what I mean?

Speaker 227 I wouldn't want friggin' Mario Lopez coming out and telling me this dessert's gonna be great.

Speaker 179 Like, how the fuck do you know?

Speaker 183 I'd love Mario Lopez. Yeah, he desserts.

Speaker 307 I would love if that's what Mario Lopez was doing these days.

Speaker 63 What a joy to go to a restaurant.

Speaker 319 Maybe you go specifically for their dessert hype person.

Speaker 287 Yeah.

Speaker 319 And it becomes like, oh, well, this restaurant has a great dessert.

Speaker 277 It's got Mario Lopez.

Speaker 110 Yeah, it's got the mario lopez hype becomes that machine flips his chair the other way around sits in it oh yeah a little a little massage to get you ready for the eating

Speaker 77 give it hand massage so that you're ready to really use that spoon well yeah maybe that'd be nice ready for a preppy yeah yeah you call me preppy that'd be cool oh yeah you have a nickname that makes

Speaker 207 names yeah come on brownsteam you got it

Speaker 77 i guess that is a different a different kind of hyping you up for it he's getting you physically

Speaker 271 I was thinking someone coming up going, this dessert's going to be so great.

Speaker 61 We all love dessert.

Speaker 150 It's brilliant.

Speaker 265 Which I wouldn't believe from him.

Speaker 68 Cause I'd be like, no,

Speaker 160 yeah, Lopez hasn't eaten enough desserts.

Speaker 208 I don't think.

Speaker 221 But if he was training me up like he's a boxing coach, then fair enough, I'd be like, yeah, this is going to be great.

Speaker 319 Well, I think we're each imagining something slightly different, but I feel like each... hype person would have a different technique.

Speaker 319 So yeah, you go to a restaurant and you would know that this one was more like a coach. Another one was just more like singing the praises of the dessert portion of the meal.

Speaker 121 Yeah.

Speaker 19 I guess I want someone who's like, we all made a great decision here today.

Speaker 271 This is so great.

Speaker 265 Like you guys rule for making this decision to order the dessert.

Speaker 140 You want a life coach, basically.

Speaker 19 Yeah, this is so great.

Speaker 164 I want Paul Scheer to be like, whose idea was it to get desserts?

Speaker 254 This guy? Fucking amount of applause for this guy.

Speaker 271 This is so great.

Speaker 268 You just want to be popular. But you want to be that guy, clearly.

Speaker 319 You basically want to be validated in your decision.

Speaker 131 You should just bring Paul Shearer with you to every restaurant.

Speaker 78 Yeah, but he hates us because we said he drinks piss.

Speaker 38 So we've moved that.

Speaker 124 Yeah, but after he's had a few shots of piss, he's good.

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Speaker 44 Hi, folks. It's Mark Bittman from the podcast Food with Mark Bittman.

Speaker 58 Another thing we love on the Off-Menu podcast is games.

Speaker 36 James specifically loves games.

Speaker 94 Yeah, Benito hates them.

Speaker 36 Yeah, guessing games you like. Yeah.

Speaker 58 And if there's one guest who likes games more than James, it's Ella Purnell.

Speaker 60 My worst thing is imagining someone soaring through some polystyrene.

Speaker 249 Oh, that is bad.

Speaker 183 That is bad, isn't it?

Speaker 80 Oh, no, I don't like that.

Speaker 269 I've done it before. What?

Speaker 38 I've sawed through a massive block of polystyrene with a saw. Why?

Speaker 3 I had to get a giant polystyrene W into a car boot and I couldn't.

Speaker 22 So I had to saw it into two Vs.

Speaker 63 So what are you talking about?

Speaker 329 I've got questions. Yeah.

Speaker 5 I was collecting giant yellow polystyrene W's at the time.

Speaker 80 I was going for a phase.

Speaker 314 How many did you have?

Speaker 301 I think we got like five or six in the end.

Speaker 68 I can't remember exactly how many, but like, yeah, we got a fair few.

Speaker 329 So when you saw that, you stick it back together again on the other side.

Speaker 164 We actually didn't end up sticking it back together again.

Speaker 5 It was knocked around in my friend's sister's garage for a few years.

Speaker 160 I don't know if it's even.

Speaker 185 I bet they were thrilled, that friend.

Speaker 160 She ended up with, yeah, the

Speaker 140 one that was in half and another one, that sister so like she had those you need to find someone that collects polystyrene v's v's yeah yeah and they're delighted yeah oh that would be the greatest collapse of all time make that person's day now ben seems like he has more questions are they peters you can't talk ella said she had questions and then didn't ask any of the questions that i thought you were going to ask oh yeah so

Speaker 191 they weren't they weren't the ones that you wanted they're your questions yeah My question.

Speaker 315 I've asked my questions. I've heard it.

Speaker 156 What are your questions? Why?

Speaker 63 Why? Why did you?

Speaker 90 Why?

Speaker 181 Why is my main question?

Speaker 148 Why?

Speaker 277 Why were you collecting polystyrene W?

Speaker 155 Oh, right.

Speaker 329 That is the obvious question. Yeah, of course.

Speaker 257 I was in a band called The Wow Scenario.

Speaker 80 The WOW scenario.

Speaker 329 Oh, right. Oh, it does make sense.

Speaker 65 Someone told us, hey, I know someone who's got a giant polystyrene W.

Speaker 5 You can have it on stage when you do your gigs.

Speaker 79 So went to pick it up, and then we went to get it, and it was like huge.

Speaker 208 And we had to like try and put it on the roof of the car, but it was like going to fly off.

Speaker 22 And it was very, it was, and then I bought it out of the car.

Speaker 296 Oh, it's quite light.

Speaker 315 It was quite light.

Speaker 5 It would have just flown in the air yeah what that's what we were worried about in the dual carriage way if it flies off you know yeah really

Speaker 5 and then like takes someone out yeah but we got it home and my dad was like that's not coming in the house like there's no you've got no choice

Speaker 290 no saying this old man we're having to do this and uh then we talking to a guy local photographer and we're like here's an idea for our photo shoot we're going to do with you got this giant yellow w we're going to bring it along to your studio and he went i've already got one i don't need

Speaker 178 and we're like what are you talking about you've already got one And he showed us a picture.

Speaker 22 We were like, that's identical to our one.

Speaker 79 And he was like, yeah, well, this connections have got them in their windows.

Speaker 251 They've got this whole thing for people leaving school about what next.

Speaker 5 It's this whole campaign they're doing.

Speaker 164 They've all been giving these giant yellow dubs. They all hate them.

Speaker 257 They don't want them in their shops.

Speaker 88 They're taking up too much room.

Speaker 79 So they just gave me one for free.

Speaker 221 They all just want rid of them.

Speaker 19 So then at the time, me and my friend were like, let's get loads and fill the whole stage with them.

Speaker 181 And we'll do that.

Speaker 36 How many did you need, though?

Speaker 63 Because you're called the wow sales.

Speaker 155 I mean, it's unbelievable that you've managed to get quite five of of these.

Speaker 7 Yeah, we got quite a few of them, and then um, and then we kind of ran out of steam and just forgot about it.

Speaker 68 The band broke up, the band broke up, and then like my friend Ben, who like kept at least one of them for us in his garage, moved house and forgot about it.

Speaker 5 So the people who came in after him would have opened that garage door and been like, What the hell?

Speaker 68 Who's this guy?

Speaker 124 I mean, look, there's worse letters to collect, isn't there?

Speaker 329 I feel like W, out of all the letters, is probably the most versatile.

Speaker 121 Well, you know what?

Speaker 68 I'm going to ask, what is the worst letter that you could collect?

Speaker 329 Well, an S can only be two C's, A W can be an I, an N, a Z, or two V's.

Speaker 133 An R is pretty shit.

Speaker 322 An R could be an I.

Speaker 306 It could be two I's or an L, I suppose.

Speaker 97 And a L.

Speaker 329 It could be an L as well.

Speaker 329 An I. An I is probably, well, no, there's got to be others.
Come on. B.
B. What can B be two C's, I suppose.

Speaker 159 A?

Speaker 228 Sorry. This is my podcast now.

Speaker 21 We're going to clip this up.

Speaker 239 This is the rantings of a madman.

Speaker 178 Like, I've never had a guest do such

Speaker 323 an intellectual monologue that sounds so insane.

Speaker 199 Go through all the letters and what they could be if you chopped them up.

Speaker 64 And not in order.

Speaker 176 Not in order, just all over the place.

Speaker 184 And just for the listener, we haven't sped it up.

Speaker 241 That is the speed that Ella was talking about.

Speaker 90 That was amazing.

Speaker 155 I'm so, so sorry.

Speaker 100 I got kind of got kind of excited.

Speaker 114 But it's interesting.

Speaker 70 All the letters could be chopped up to be other letters.

Speaker 17 Yeah.

Speaker 124 It is interesting. That's why I got so excited, but I never thought of it.

Speaker 63 I think C is the worst.

Speaker 329 C is the worst. That's very smart.

Speaker 105 Yeah, C can't be anything else.

Speaker 329 C is terrible.

Speaker 163 No.

Speaker 329 C can't be anything.

Speaker 139 C is the worst. C is useless.

Speaker 97 Yeah.

Speaker 155 Sorry.

Speaker 65 And that'd be the worst one.

Speaker 5 Like, if I was taking that

Speaker 80 on top of the car, if that blows away, it boomerang back to you.

Speaker 97 You're in big trouble.

Speaker 303 This is my favorite conversation I've ever had.

Speaker 114 From games to pranks.

Speaker 226 You knew this was coming.

Speaker 75 Sebastian Stan absolutely is the original prankster.

Speaker 154 I don't know if the listeners connected with this as much as we did.

Speaker 85 We found it so funny that Sebastian Stan loved pranks so much.

Speaker 257 All we've talked about is how much Sebastian Stan loves pranks.

Speaker 62 You guys have got to get on board with that being funny because it is funny.

Speaker 84 You are a superhero as well.

Speaker 160 So you get to experience that.

Speaker 22 You've experienced a taste of that.

Speaker 75 Oh, yeah,

Speaker 256 for sure. I mean, it's the most gratifying thing in the world.
Like when you, you know, when you have like like a kid that comes up to you and it's just like, is that our metal?

Speaker 29 You know, and you're like, yes.

Speaker 29 Of course.

Speaker 256 But, you know, it's just camouflage now.

Speaker 110 And they're like, oh, interesting.

Speaker 88 Because like recently, as of, I don't know when this podcast is actually going to go out, but we lost Maggie Smith.

Speaker 5 And someone told me a story about her when a kid who was a fan of Harry Potter went up to her and said, is it true that you can turn into a cat?

Speaker 195 And she told the kid to pull himself together.

Speaker 256 i've got more respect for that to be said pull yourself together that's so funny i would have i would have i still think of her as wendy oh yeah remember that movie yeah hook yeah that movie i was obsessed with when i was a kid

Speaker 256 because i really i couldn't you know i'm like the whole concept of peter pan and yeah this guy going back it was just so great well that's come up on this podcast a few times because yeah because of bangerang yeah

Speaker 256 when they're eating especially when there's nothing it looks delicious no no no for sure as a kid all the colors and everything everything in there, you're like, what is that made of?

Speaker 64 Yeah.

Speaker 256 It tastes really good. Did you ever want to eat play-doh when you were a kid?

Speaker 298 Yeah, big time.

Speaker 81 Me too. Yeah.
I don't know why.

Speaker 110 I would have loved to have eaten it.

Speaker 102 It looked delicious.

Speaker 256 Yeah. When I still see it, I'm like, oh, you can squeeze it.

Speaker 253 Because

Speaker 24 it smells kind of nice as well, right?

Speaker 70 It smells like sort of clean.

Speaker 287 And you do want to see what it tastes like.

Speaker 64 We would. With its flavors.

Speaker 219 We did a live tour of this podcast around the UK and we would ask the audiences their menus.

Speaker 214 and read them out.

Speaker 257 They'd write them before we went on stage.

Speaker 251 We'd pick them out and read out the best ones.

Speaker 244 And one person for their dream drink said they would like the fruit shampoo they use but it has to taste as good as it smells and that got an applause from the entire room yeah yeah the entire room was like yeah i'm gonna drink my shampoo if you didn't that might say more about our listeners than than the sort of uk populace as a whole but yeah we a lot of shampoo drinkers listen i think it would pair nicely with some play-doh

Speaker 256 the only thing i can think about with shampoo is that prank i've seen on a lot on youtube at one point where there's where they go around there's a guy kind of washing his hair he doesn't know that there's someone above him that keeps squeezing shampoo.

Speaker 241 Keeps trying to get the shampoo out. It's like a nightmare.

Speaker 235 You can't get it out of your, you know what I mean?

Speaker 199 It just keeps going.

Speaker 176 I'm gonna watch it as soon as this is finished.

Speaker 90 You have to. Shampoo prank.

Speaker 256 I mean, it's just so. I feel like you guys would be great at pranks.

Speaker 68 Would we be good at pranks?

Speaker 81 We love Jackass.

Speaker 164 We love Jackass.

Speaker 79 Steve-O was sitting in that seat.

Speaker 178 No, we've watched it since.

Speaker 176 But Steve-O, we like Steve-O in it.

Speaker 256 What a voice, right? Such a specific

Speaker 16 character. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Speaker 38 Every time I'm watching anything with a men or whatever,

Speaker 219 my

Speaker 64 fucking hell.

Speaker 122 What a Freudian slip.

Speaker 115 I was going to say my girlfriend, but I went to say my sister.

Speaker 121 What do you think about that?

Speaker 134 Don't ask James about his cheat days.

Speaker 5 Anyway, my girlfriend always, if I'm watching the Steve-O thing, says for the other room, is that Whoopi Goldberg?

Speaker 230 When Steve-O was on the podcast, we had loads of people saying he sounds exactly like Whoopi Goldberg.

Speaker 256 I never, ever thought, I never made that connection in my head until now. Maybe that's what I'll be doing after this, going to

Speaker 256 see how that works.

Speaker 66 Get someone to send you and not label them properly clips of Whoopi and clips of Stevo, and you can see if you can work out the difference.

Speaker 68 Yeah, I mean, probably from what they're saying, you're better working out.

Speaker 214 Once,

Speaker 226 when, you know, before we started recording today, you were saying like, come in and work in here, and when you arrive, you're a bit jet lagged.

Speaker 195 I arrived in Canada once.

Speaker 257 I had a gig that night.

Speaker 257 I was meant to do a show that night, but I missed the show show because I'd gone out, got a tub of Ben and Jerry's that you can't get here and halfway through just passed out on my bed.

Speaker 256 Because of the sugar high.

Speaker 195 I was just, I was jet lagged, but also I was just so into eating this Ben and Jerry's, it put me into this like hibernation state.

Speaker 226 And I just, I just, that was it. And I woke up.

Speaker 151 The gig had already been and gone.

Speaker 5 I had multiple texts on my phone for the promoters and everyone.

Speaker 195 I just a Ben and Jerry's tub in my hand and a spoon in the other just on my bed.

Speaker 256 That's one of the most terrifying things.

Speaker 256 It's like when you wake up and like you see your phone's just been going or something and people have been trying to get, you know, reach you for whatever reason.

Speaker 30 But I

Speaker 194 speaking of pranks, it's so silly.

Speaker 256 There's another one I saw recently

Speaker 256 on YouTube.

Speaker 172 And it's like...

Speaker 256 It's really bad. Like these guys clearly have known each other for a long time.
I don't even know what it's called, but like they

Speaker 256 like got together and like they had like a celebration night, you know, taking shots and hanging out and all the stuff. The next day,

Speaker 256 the guy, one of them wakes up and he's strapped to a hospital bed and he doesn't know where, how he got there. And they're like, you've been in a coma for 10 years.

Speaker 256 And his friend comes in in prosthetics, having gained weight, and he's like, you have a son and I've been taking care of him.

Speaker 29 And he's just, it's, it's terrifying, honestly, but it's horrifically funny.

Speaker 294 Yeah.

Speaker 256 And he, you know, it's like, he just doesn't know what to do with it.

Speaker 64 Like, yeah.

Speaker 63 Yeah.

Speaker 63 I didn't know you like pranks so much.

Speaker 109 They are.

Speaker 29 I think, yeah, I mean, I mean, you have to, you know, you want to be safe.

Speaker 256 I'm not like, but like, it is funny sometimes.

Speaker 256 You got to keep surprising yourself and your friends. You know,

Speaker 122 it's fun to do that.

Speaker 208 Have you ever played a prank on anyone that's like that you're particularly proud of?

Speaker 263 It's so stupid.

Speaker 273 But I have a friend who

Speaker 256 like he always manages, he can fall asleep anytime.

Speaker 256 I saw him fall asleep in the middle of a nightclub. Like, he took a nap and like came back and was like right back as if he got reinvigorated.

Speaker 256 And I would be so jealous of him because I'd be like, how do you do it?

Speaker 103 How do you just fall asleep?

Speaker 184 Falls asleep.

Speaker 256 very easily all the time.

Speaker 256 So one time he was staying over, he lives in LA, came to New York and he was crashing over my house and he fell asleep and I took headphones and I put it over his head over his ears and I plugged it into like the fucking speakers.

Speaker 256 And I went and researched

Speaker 256 T-Rex, like,

Speaker 256 you know, the dinosaur in Jurassic Park. When, like, at the very end, where he's like,

Speaker 97 he's like,

Speaker 256 and the thing falls or whatever. And I crank that up.
And I just.

Speaker 144 pressed play, just trying to wake him up.

Speaker 256 And all I got was just this one quick, like little kid to.

Speaker 194 I was like,

Speaker 3 what's more satisfying than him completely yeah yeah yeah yeah being terrified just very lazily just going hey man

Speaker 97 i'm like wow the team

Speaker 214 ever a fire or anything yeah you're in the house and we'll never make it that's what he'd be like after the blip though if he got snapped by thanos yeah he'd just be like right back in hey okay cool

Speaker 254 i'd be like okay okay it was a different battlefield but i've pretty much i've pretty much got my bearings yeah i've just been napping again

Speaker 88 I feel like we should like plan a prank to do on a, on one of your, like maybe we could get Anthony Mackey and uh pr we could uh assist you in pranking him.

Speaker 256 No, absolutely.

Speaker 206 Um what if we do have him on this podcast, because you said he'd be really good.

Speaker 230 If we do manage to book him for this podcast, we're happy to prank him on your behalf.

Speaker 256 Um if you do, yes, I mean then maybe you need to email me and I'll I'll have to figure out how to how to do it.

Speaker 79 But we could just keep pouring shampoo on him.

Speaker 178 Does that work if it's not in the shell

Speaker 80 and he can see us?

Speaker 237 Does that work?

Speaker 97 No, maybe not.

Speaker 196 We got to think.

Speaker 256 We got to think somehow. But it's possible.

Speaker 75 I mean,

Speaker 256 he'll get me back or he'll try to get me back.

Speaker 145 If he gets angry at the prank, you have to admit that you were involved in it.

Speaker 230 Because if we go, oh, no, it was Sebastian.

Speaker 63 And then you deny all knowledge of it.

Speaker 232 It would be like...

Speaker 256 Imagine to do this podcast, he has to drive like... 45 minutes to a warehouse somewhere in like south London.

Speaker 256 And it's just in the dark and you guys are sitting there by candlelight.

Speaker 160 But it should be, if it's in a warehouse, you should open the door and it should be full of people.

Speaker 68 And then he realizes it's the rat battle from 8 Mile.

Speaker 182 You've got to do it again.

Speaker 267 And he's got to go up there.

Speaker 109 He's going to go up there.

Speaker 164 We could get Eminem. Then you could join in as well.

Speaker 83 Your surname's Stan.

Speaker 158 You can get up.

Speaker 226 You've written Eminem those are letters.

Speaker 10 Actually, that's when you and Mackie would join forces, shortly.

Speaker 150 Because you both hate Eminem.

Speaker 62 You're Stan and the guy that he beat at the rat battle.

Speaker 107 By the way,

Speaker 256 do you remember that movie?

Speaker 64 How good that was?

Speaker 97 Yeah, it's incredible.

Speaker 256 And also, thank you for reminding me. He is in that film.

Speaker 64 He's great in it. He's great, in it.

Speaker 256 He's in so many good movies, actually.

Speaker 76 But like, that doesn't matter. We're going to prank the fuck out of it.

Speaker 254 Prank him so hard.

Speaker 82 But that would be,

Speaker 256 it would be funny. Like, he's just, he thinks he's going to a podcast, but it's a rave.

Speaker 43 He's waiting for him.

Speaker 68 I mean, hopefully, because like...

Speaker 251 Today, and you know, this is a trick of the trade that I didn't know happened, but like someone arrived before you who's called a go-ahead, right who who kind of turns up here first oh interesting which is this happens sometimes if people are like you know have busy schedules and they're going from one place to the other so with mackie i would worry that a go-ahead had arrive there and text them and go this is a race this is not a podcast they're setting you up for a prank i think sebastian stands behind it do not come here anthony it just goes to it's like i'm just recreating that movie the game on him oh yeah yeah he's he's involved in high-speed chase all the way to mexico yeah it just just goes on and off.

Speaker 256 I always thought it'd be funny to do a movie about actors that take their roles to

Speaker 225 the next level, you know. But anyway.

Speaker 160 You'd go really extreme.

Speaker 257 I still think there's like maybe you and him should join forces and prank Eminem.

Speaker 164 I think that is, you know, as much as I'd like to prank him.

Speaker 198 Why do I feel like that would fail?

Speaker 120 Yeah, I don't think that would go away. You could get him.

Speaker 86 You never know what mood Eminem's going to be in.

Speaker 38 But you know.

Speaker 17 You can get him.

Speaker 160 The two of you join forces.

Speaker 256 I could also see him just unfazed.

Speaker 256 Like the same stoic face no yeah no emotion yeah like and just walk out i've never seen him like like giggling in an interview i don't feel like he would like chuckle at a prank yeah yeah me neither yeah to be fair

Speaker 58 We've had extra surprise guests on the podcast over the years. Ryland's mum, Amy Gladhill's parents.
And this time, it was Sophie Willen's turn to call a relative.

Speaker 15 G-Dog.

Speaker 208 Between dessert, Sophie Willen?

Speaker 303 Well, I'd go bread and butter pudding.

Speaker 303 Because I'm sticking with a very carb-heavy theme here. Yeah.
Love a bread and butter pudding. My granddad, he's a really good cook, and he used to make bread and butter puddings when I was little.

Speaker 303 Yeah. So it's a nice memory there with that.

Speaker 314 That's nice. And it's just lovely.

Speaker 88 Did he have any particular like way of doing it?

Speaker 273 Was it because it was a little signature twist? A lot of different.

Speaker 303 Some of you have with liqueuring, don't you?

Speaker 130 Or something.

Speaker 303 He did it like that.

Speaker 303 But you weren't allowed to go near him in the kitchen. He's still like that now.
If you go near, get out, get out. He's quite...

Speaker 303 Gordon Ramsay with the Bolton accent and the neck. You know, he's just quite an intense person.

Speaker 81 So much respect for that, though. Yeah.
Yeah.

Speaker 105 I was like that when I'm cooking. Are you? Yeah, don't come near me.

Speaker 210 I'm cooking so I don't have to talk to people.

Speaker 229 Yeah.

Speaker 314 I think it's that isn't.

Speaker 303 And then also if you try and help, oh my God, everything you're doing is wrong. Yeah.
You've never felt more that you're a bad human being.

Speaker 303 So I just have to leave leave the vicinity. And then at the end, I'll say, Do you want me involved in plates?

Speaker 314 And he's like, get out. I'm like, fine.

Speaker 58 But I think, especially if it's like, that's like his signature dish, right?

Speaker 154 And that's what he's really good at.

Speaker 24 He's made it so many times before.

Speaker 105 He doesn't need help.

Speaker 314 Doesn't need help.

Speaker 303 Well, he's good at everything, my grandma. He's a really, really good cook.

Speaker 201 Oh, fantastic.

Speaker 303 He did cooking. He went down to London for six months and cooked in a restaurant in London.
And then they moved back to Bolton. But, you know, for that six months, he was a saucier.

Speaker 86 Oh, lovely.

Speaker 108 I know. I see.

Speaker 209 just took the sauces yeah

Speaker 303 so he's very talented yeah but very grumpy so just leave him to we get all this lovely food you know if you go visit him but the price you pay is sometimes you might get shouted at if you go into the kitchen yeah definitely yeah yeah

Speaker 70 i feel like we've had quite a few really good bread and butter pudding recipes on this podcast yeah and uh now i want a bread and butter pudding as well here's what's going on in my head is that i remember that last time someone came on and they said their own bread and butter pudding recipe and it sounded easy and delicious and i thought to myself i'm gonna do that and then i didn't do it and now i've forgotten what the recipe was was it the one with croissants in it yeah must have been yeah croissants that's really good another one you mean they do a really good one in cumbria with leftover croissants and different things and it's like and raisins and that's delicious and you know what occurred to me when you said bread and butter pudding imagine making bread and butter pudding with the crumpet bread oh wow

Speaker 105 that would be very good because that's soaking up anything you pour on it right Yeah.

Speaker 81 Yeah.

Speaker 98 That would be very interesting. Mama.

Speaker 29 Yeah. You throw it somewhere.

Speaker 318 That's fabulous. Yeah.

Speaker 64 That would be good.

Speaker 264 I think I'd do that then.

Speaker 170 Yeah.

Speaker 303 A bread and butter pudding, obviously, but with a crumpet bread.

Speaker 214 Made by your granddad.

Speaker 303 Made by granddad, but not in his vicinity.

Speaker 70 How's he going to react, though, if you say, I want your bread and butter pudding, but can you replace it with crumpet bread?

Speaker 90 What's he going to say to that?

Speaker 314 God only knows. I could do.
I could get him on FaceTime.

Speaker 107 FaceTime him now.

Speaker 69 I pictured to him.

Speaker 303 Yeah, I don't think he'd be going for it.

Speaker 98 No.

Speaker 124 Do you want me to fool him?

Speaker 278 You can do it. Yeah, you can do.

Speaker 183 You can do it.

Speaker 275 See what he thinks of the suggestion.

Speaker 231 Because I don't want.

Speaker 209 You might be dead confused.

Speaker 305 You're like, what? Where are you?

Speaker 63 Oh, he almost certainly will be.

Speaker 303 He was quite shocked to see himself pop up on Taskmaster.

Speaker 303 Maggie, he never answers the calls, but let's give him a call, G-Dog.

Speaker 254 Is that what he is in your phone?

Speaker 64 G-Dog. G-Dog.

Speaker 97 Yeah, cool.

Speaker 264 He won't answer.

Speaker 188 Come on, G-Dog.

Speaker 303 Come on, G-Dog.

Speaker 196 It's worth it just to find out that your granddad saved us G-Dog and you're fine, to be fair.

Speaker 303 I could try Maggie May, his wife.

Speaker 248 Okay.

Speaker 250 G-Dog and Maggie May.

Speaker 108 And they live in Mallorca, right?

Speaker 303 They live in Mallorca.

Speaker 128 They've been there years, like 25 years now.

Speaker 88 Maggie May, try Maggie Mae now.

Speaker 264 Come on, Maggie.

Speaker 188 Because Maggie might know if you'd beat up doing the crumbit bread, bread and spirit.

Speaker 209 See if they remember Malet and Mallorca.

Speaker 264 Yeah, I'll ask.

Speaker 209 Not going to happen.

Speaker 215 What time is it in Mallorca? Oh, hello. Maggie?

Speaker 170 Oh, are you there? Listen, I'm.

Speaker 303 I'm live on the podcast. I need to speak to Grandad.

Speaker 303 No, we're not mine. It's who I am here.

Speaker 166 Hello, Grandad.

Speaker 166 Hi there.

Speaker 303 I just want to ask you about bread and butter pudding. Best way to make it.

Speaker 229 Bread and butter pudding?

Speaker 229 Yeah.

Speaker 229 Let's think. Bread.
Bread.

Speaker 229 Sliced white bread.

Speaker 203 Butter. Butter.
Yeah.

Speaker 203 Full cream milk. Yeah.

Speaker 303 Well, how would you feel if I put crumpet bread in it?

Speaker 303 Not very. It won't work.
It won't work. Why would it not work? Because it's too spongy, that.

Speaker 96 You want sliced white bread.

Speaker 303 Right. All right.
Thanks, Grandad.

Speaker 170 I love you.

Speaker 303 Don't forget the currants and the raisins. I won't forget the currants and the raisins.
This is why I couldn't cook with him because he'd be over your shoulder.

Speaker 323 I like all of this detail.

Speaker 97 This is is good.

Speaker 124 This is James.

Speaker 303 This is Ed.

Speaker 124 This is Ben.

Speaker 303 I've been doing a food podcast and I was telling them about your culinary skills, but how you're also quite

Speaker 303 in the kitchen. I'm just doing it now, culinary skills.
What are you doing?

Speaker 96 Jointed rush chicken

Speaker 96 on peppers, potatoes, red onions, garlic.

Speaker 145 That sounds absolutely delicious.

Speaker 303 Yeah, they're a lot more impressed with your recipes than I've done for the past hour.

Speaker 209 Small potatoes,

Speaker 161 beautiful.

Speaker 303 Yeah, he's very good.

Speaker 303 I better go, granddad. Love you.

Speaker 170 Love you too. See you soon.

Speaker 303 Speak to you soon, Adios.

Speaker 169 A salwego.

Speaker 63 Right. Love that.

Speaker 9 Love him.

Speaker 303 He definitely did a lot better on this than I did.

Speaker 97 Yeah, we'll have him on another episode.

Speaker 30 That was great.

Speaker 160 If you have him on an episode, yeah.

Speaker 151 So I think we've got to not do the crumpet bread then.

Speaker 159 Yeah, that was won't work.

Speaker 59 The expert gee dogs told us it's not a good idea.

Speaker 207 Yeah, it won't work.

Speaker 314 He did seem quite already a bit pissed off.

Speaker 127 He was like, well, you don't do that.

Speaker 98 Yeah.

Speaker 154 My favourite bit was you say, how do you make your bread and butter pudding?

Speaker 81 What do you need? And he went, well, bread.

Speaker 21 He went, let's see.

Speaker 184 Let's say bread.

Speaker 15 Butter.

Speaker 79 Well, that was before he knew you were on a podcast.

Speaker 21 He was absolutely trashing you.

Speaker 184 James loves cats.

Speaker 134 No, James loves cats.

Speaker 39 James love cats.

Speaker 10 And their names are Terry Rue, Alex Spider-Man and Cat Dealy.

Speaker 6 Here's Helen Skelton, C-Mat and Rachel Stevens learning all about my love.

Speaker 264 I've got a little barbecue you can turn on with your phone. What?

Speaker 108 See, I'll touch equipment.

Speaker 64 He wants it.

Speaker 221 Immediately he wants it.

Speaker 90 I want it because I could be on my way home and turn the barbecue on so it's ready when I get back.

Speaker 320 That's the point.

Speaker 124 You can turn it on from like wherever you are.

Speaker 76 Hang on, is it a gas barbecue?

Speaker 64 Yeah.

Speaker 81 Yeah, I'm not messing with that. Oh, okay.

Speaker 189 You know, turn up and the whole house is burned down.

Speaker 305 Well, you leave it outside.

Speaker 210 It's outside. It's a barbecue.
So I'd worry.

Speaker 68 Really good.

Speaker 204 I'd worry that I turn it on on my phone and then it like makes the whole thing like judder towards the house or something.

Speaker 248 You know?

Speaker 320 It's not a robot.

Speaker 191 Yeah, it's not a rumba. It's a robot.

Speaker 80 You turn it on on your phone.

Speaker 98 Oh, valid, valid.

Speaker 210 It's a robot.

Speaker 20 I could go crazy. So you think it's jiggling?

Speaker 254 It's jiggling all the way to the house?

Speaker 164 It's judging towards the house.

Speaker 196 It's opening the door.

Speaker 9 No, it's smashing through your window.

Speaker 122 Yeah.

Speaker 292 And then

Speaker 292 what's the issue?

Speaker 80 And then it sets your whole house on fire.

Speaker 69 Right.

Speaker 208 Because it's a turned-on barbecue. Yeah.

Speaker 243 Also, you've got a cat, so you might turn it on, and then the cat's like, oh, what's going on here?

Speaker 164 And then like jumps on the barbecue.

Speaker 70 But the cat can't go outside.

Speaker 124 What kind of cat is that?

Speaker 83 Yeah, what kind of cat?

Speaker 80 Siberian cat.

Speaker 308 That stays inside.

Speaker 170 It's a house cat.

Speaker 308 Where does it poo?

Speaker 64 Yeah, what does it poo? In a litter box.

Speaker 90 That blew your mind, didn't it?

Speaker 97 You never heard of a house cat before.

Speaker 165 But it never ever goes outside.

Speaker 234 No.

Speaker 76 Gross. You've got four cats that never go outside.

Speaker 166 So imagine what his house is like you've you you never they never go outside ever no

Speaker 13 also we live in london people nit cats yeah especially handsome cats like ours yeah stunners we got real stunners we've got real stunners helen i mean i'm so happy that the gender stereotypes are just being shot to him aren't they yeah

Speaker 68 cat guys yeah we're cat we're cat boys we're cat boys and proud Okay, I've got four.

Speaker 84 They all stay in the house.

Speaker 160 My whole life stinks of shit.

Speaker 136 I just that's unusual isn't it yeah no well we're getting uh i think the guy doing the catio is coming this week i can't wait you've enjoyed that my dog's called spider-man what i knew you'd enjoy that no wait till you hear this cat is called spider-man we were destined to be friends this is amazing this is that's that's and check this out as well the cat that's called spider-man he's got eyes like yours what he's got cross-eyed you know they go a bit cross-eyed and do you love that about him yeah Well, we got him.

Speaker 97 It's only when you take his lenses. Oh, when we take his lenses.

Speaker 165 That on its own is a really nice compliment. Yeah.

Speaker 184 Slightly creepy.

Speaker 194 With the context, yeah.

Speaker 64 Oh, guess what?

Speaker 183 My cat has got eyes like Paul Hollywood.

Speaker 122 Yeah,

Speaker 262 he does, actually.

Speaker 195 And he looks at you like he knows it as well.

Speaker 90 Yeah, yeah, yeah. He definitely knows it.

Speaker 97 So you can't look him in the eye.

Speaker 237 No, I can't look at him.

Speaker 38 He's a cat in the eye. No way.

Speaker 280 Fizzy water, it just does, it feels counterintuitive and it doesn't feel neutral. It's supposed to be a neutral, delicious substance that brings health and vitality.

Speaker 280 And fizzy water is like eating TV static or something. It's just, it's, it's wrong.

Speaker 79 I know a lot of people use that comparison, but it's bright.

Speaker 307 Or white noise,

Speaker 129 you know, not good.

Speaker 280 Sorry, I've made a lot of noises.

Speaker 156 No, it's great. We love the podcast.

Speaker 17 It's an audio medium.

Speaker 79 Yeah.

Speaker 274 The more noises, the better.

Speaker 127 Is that a noise?

Speaker 83 You know, when it comes to it. You'll be that little clown horn.

Speaker 80 You're going to be Jim carry although you get it with two hands there yeah yeah

Speaker 21 but yeah

Speaker 280 um that's another noise another horn i think the mask does that noise yeah does the mask age well oh i don't know but cameron diaz is the most beautiful woman i've ever seen yeah on

Speaker 280 the screen in that i think that's the best a person has ever looked in a film is cameron diaz in that movie walking into the bank yeah yeah when she walks to the bank yeah first appearance i love her she's married to a good charlotte do you know that she is i didn't know she was married to one of the good Charlotte.

Speaker 165 She's married to...

Speaker 280 It's standing the test of time.

Speaker 156 They've been together for like 15 years, which is like 70 years.

Speaker 36 I think she's married to Benji.

Speaker 68 Yeah.

Speaker 211 Benji or Joel. You've stumbled into Ed's area of expertise.

Speaker 81 Really?

Speaker 85 Well, no, also, I did know that because I've just started watching the new series of Inkmaster and Joel Madden is the new host of Inkmaster.

Speaker 280 And is that the Cameron Diaz one?

Speaker 198 No, I think that's the other one.

Speaker 280 That's the Nicole Ritchie one.

Speaker 15 Because the other one's married to Nicole Ritchie.

Speaker 145 Yeah, that's the Nicole Ritchie one.

Speaker 36 Yeah.

Speaker 63 The good Charlotte boys have, you know.

Speaker 280 I bet they're charming as hell.

Speaker 157 Yeah.

Speaker 280 You got to be funny and charming as hell to keep up with the wondrous master that is Cameron Diaz.

Speaker 36 But also, they, you know, they're known for believing that girls don't like boys, girls like cars and money.

Speaker 71 So they must feel on edge every day.

Speaker 258 That is one of the two Good Charlotte songs I know.

Speaker 280 And they've both married women who are definitely infinitely wealthier than them.

Speaker 135 So just to show you what's going on.

Speaker 64 Love them.

Speaker 280 I actually love them. They see one such good vibes.

Speaker 85 Yeah, I went to a CD UK special recording of Good Charlotte.

Speaker 205 Whoa.

Speaker 205 They only did did three songs. I had to go all the way down.

Speaker 108 Dealy.

Speaker 198 Yeah, Dealy.

Speaker 296 Cat D Lee UK.

Speaker 67 Right?

Speaker 127 Isn't that what that was? I don't think it...

Speaker 166 Did it stand for Cat Dealy UK?

Speaker 36 That's going to blow my mind if it wasn't.

Speaker 283 But she was on it now. She was the host, yeah.

Speaker 280 I thought that's why it was called CD UK. It was Cat Dealy UK.

Speaker 76 I thought it was just CD because CDs had music on them.

Speaker 145 Yeah, but it was also Cat D.

Speaker 68 It works on two levels.

Speaker 64 Wow. There you go.

Speaker 280 Love her. Queen of Ireland.

Speaker 68 I wrote a poem for it once, sent it into SM TV.

Speaker 100 Hang on, what?

Speaker 237 Hang on. Did you?

Speaker 145 Yeah.

Speaker 80 James, why have you never told me this?

Speaker 152 I thought you knew.

Speaker 102 I thought you knew that.

Speaker 117 No.

Speaker 134 Can you remember any of the poem and I need to know?

Speaker 80 I remember the whole thing, but I'm not going to recite it.

Speaker 107 Recite it.

Speaker 64 To him about it. James.

Speaker 81 Recite it.

Speaker 134 You've already told us that you wrote a poem to Cat Dealy.

Speaker 280 Was it like very, was it giving William Wordsworth or was it giving like Andrew Dyseman Clay or something?

Speaker 199 Dicker reader.

Speaker 80 A little bit of a crossover, I guess.

Speaker 276 I thought it was going to be like a funny poem, but I think it came off.

Speaker 37 off.

Speaker 105 Was it horny?

Speaker 180 Quite horny.

Speaker 29 Well, just very earnest.

Speaker 62 Like I was in.

Speaker 38 I was 11.

Speaker 80 Wrote the poem, sent it in.

Speaker 145 Benito, can we book a Camdealie for this podcast, please?

Speaker 85 I've met her before. She's great.

Speaker 258 Well, let's not talk about booking of a guest in front of away.

Speaker 189 Well, we're midway through.

Speaker 182 Nah, I think we're not a camdealy first.

Speaker 191 You're just going to have to bring me back when she's here.

Speaker 153 I'll be like, hello.

Speaker 258 What was the most fun show to go on when you were starting out as S-Club?

Speaker 22 Because now, you know, they're wheeling around these podcasts

Speaker 308 we apologize probably not as fun as live and kicking and stuff but uh what what was the one you look forward to the most when the s club was starting out i mean the saturday morning tv was so fun sm tv cd uk i mean it was such a exciting moment in time all the big party like party in the park all those big massive like shows in the park all the road shows we were just always on always go it's so different now yeah with everything being on social we didn't social media we didn't have all of that back then.

Speaker 308 So we were literally, if we were going on a radio tour, we would go to every place. We would, you know, so we were all over the place.

Speaker 97 You couldn't get rid of us for a while.

Speaker 83 I enjoyed a TV show. You didn't.

Speaker 164 So that's like nowadays, if you were literally on social media, trended every day.

Speaker 84 If you had a TV show back then, that's absolutely huge.

Speaker 164 Whereas now, there's so many TV shows.

Speaker 5 Now,

Speaker 208 if a band was told you got a TV show, they'd be like, oh, we're dead.

Speaker 98 That'd be it.

Speaker 183 That's it.

Speaker 10 Our career's over.

Speaker 208 No one's going to want, no one's going to watch that.

Speaker 128 But that's how it started.

Speaker 69 Yeah, you were on that as well.

Speaker 64 Yeah.

Speaker 268 Did you do sketch?

Speaker 218 When you went on SMTV, did you ever do the sketches?

Speaker 208 Because I imagine you would have more skills in that department, your TV show.

Speaker 124 Yeah, we did all the, what was it called? The front...

Speaker 222 Your property. Chums.
Chums.

Speaker 29 Chums. Chums.

Speaker 135 Chums. We're not too young.

Speaker 111 We're not too young. That's absolutely our.

Speaker 172 That's our sweet spot.

Speaker 124 Oh, yeah, of course.

Speaker 166 How old would you have been then?

Speaker 64 Secondary school.

Speaker 214 I remember like, that's when I wrote the Cat Dealy poem.

Speaker 88 I said secondary school.

Speaker 112 The Cat Dealy poem.

Speaker 257 I sent it in, but they did eventually.

Speaker 121 I didn't read it out.

Speaker 97 Yeah, of course she wasn't.

Speaker 181 She's not. She's gorgeous.

Speaker 214 I was a red-blooded teen.

Speaker 69 Not made of stone. Not made of stone.

Speaker 208 Yeah.

Speaker 286 She was gorgeous, wasn't she? She is gorgeous.

Speaker 97 Yeah.

Speaker 83 Do you remember the poem, James? Yes.

Speaker 97 Oh, share. Share with the group.

Speaker 24 Rachel Stevens is asking you to share the poem about Cat Dealy.

Speaker 38 No, no.

Speaker 80 No, I know you've refused to do it.

Speaker 249 Share a line.

Speaker 308 Just one line. Just give us a little taster.

Speaker 133 Yeah, come on.

Speaker 172 That's great.

Speaker 199 A little taster.

Speaker 208 Well, I tell you what, there's a food line, so that's relevant to the podcast.

Speaker 154 I want the most embarrassing line.

Speaker 214 it's all embarrassing and whilst eating my bowl full of pasta looking at you my heart would beat faster

Speaker 69 that's not embarrassing that's really sweet huh what what is it some eat my bowl of pasta and while eating my bowl and while and while eating my bowl full of pasta looking at you my heart would beat faster

Speaker 68 They didn't read it out,

Speaker 196 so I'm pretty sure they'd read it out.

Speaker 72 No, they'd probably put you on a watch list.

Speaker 69 Yeah.

Speaker 108 Yeah. Probably it's probably not off that list.
Love that.

Speaker 171 would you like that if someone wrote you a poem that said when they were eating pasta they their heartbeats i would love that so much i would really love that i was just thinking it wouldn't work if because you're from up north right

Speaker 131 so if you were saying faster it wouldn't work yeah pasta

Speaker 97 would you buy a bowl of pasta you'd make my heart beat

Speaker 110 yeah that's what i would have said yeah yeah

Speaker 218 i'll never do more than one line an episode anytime smtv gets bought up right well i'll bring up smtv every single episode yes yeah you'll get to the the video.

Speaker 97 You'll finally get the full poem.

Speaker 164 But it's not, I'm not giving you it in order.

Speaker 84 So it's like, it's like Mr.

Speaker 150 Chips. Yeah.

Speaker 308 Did she ever hear this poem?

Speaker 163 It didn't get to the point.

Speaker 68 I mean,

Speaker 152 I hope so. I hope someone else.

Speaker 165 I think you need to send it to her now.

Speaker 254 If you see her.

Speaker 97 I'll do it again. Yeah.

Speaker 110 I think that's weirder, maybe.

Speaker 68 That I send it to her now. Yeah.
Yeah. Yeah, it probably would be.

Speaker 249 I'd say weird. Yeah.

Speaker 29 Yes. Wonderful.

Speaker 106 Weird and wonderful.

Speaker 29 That's what we're doing.

Speaker 21 Yeah, that's weird.

Speaker 29 Yeah.

Speaker 83 She should be very flattered.

Speaker 284 Yeah.

Speaker 195 Then I'll recite the whole thing.

Speaker 70 Well, if that's a guarantee.

Speaker 196 Oh, of course it's a guarantee.

Speaker 214 If we get Cat Dealy on the podcast, I'll recite the whole poem.

Speaker 254 But like, listen, I'm not here to think about Cat Dealy, but Rachel Stevenson.

Speaker 97 True.

Speaker 208 Before we were going to start recording this, Rachel, I was going to ask you a question, Benito made me save it for the podcast.

Speaker 209 So I'll do this.

Speaker 208 I asked you about Sweet Dreams by LAX, your solo song. I've had this bit of trivia in my head about it for years, ever since it came out, to the point where I don't even know if it's true.

Speaker 84 Was it written by the same person who wrote Toxic by Britney Spears?

Speaker 220 Yeah.

Speaker 172 Yes. Yes.

Speaker 171 Kath Dennis.

Speaker 68 save it for the pod, yeah.

Speaker 237 Well, I told you it was boring,

Speaker 254 but that's what I've always had in my head, yeah, yeah.

Speaker 64 But that feels like information that you could have found out for sure, and can't get you out of my head.

Speaker 108 Wow, yeah, she had a good weekend,

Speaker 83 you couldn't get it out of your head, and she wrote Can't Get Me Out of Your Head.

Speaker 96 I mean, that is incredible, yeah, it's incredible, and you couldn't get Cat Dealie out of your head.

Speaker 68 No, never will be able to.

Speaker 208 I wouldn't want to, eh?

Speaker 63 Yeah, we've still not had Cat Dealion, but I feel like next series, we're going to make that happen and you're going to read that poem finally.

Speaker 65 I'll read the poem if she comes on, I swear to you.

Speaker 58 And finally, it wouldn't be a best of episode without an annual dose of toilet humor.

Speaker 58 Let's hear from Michelle DeSwart, Nisha Katona, Johannes Radabay, Nabeel Abdul Rashid, Jason Manzoukas, and of course, Patty Harrison.

Speaker 189 Of course, Patty Harrison.

Speaker 244 I want you to have the LucasAid more than the wine, because we've never had Lucas Aid chose before.

Speaker 330 Can I have Lucas Aid, please?

Speaker 3 So it's quite exciting that someone's chose it.

Speaker 330 Even though I just tried to piss on my chips.

Speaker 249 I didn't piss on your chips.

Speaker 112 Yeah, but these are chips recipe. They're getting healthier.

Speaker 144 I was asking a follow-up question.

Speaker 20 I've got to say something, Michelle.

Speaker 63 It can't just be you listing things you want, and then we go. You know, if I've got a question, I'm going to ask the question.

Speaker 84 As much as we would like that to be the, you have no idea how much we would love it if every episode was the guest just bangs off the here's what I want and then we go.

Speaker 121 Yeah.

Speaker 29 That's only happened once. That's only happened once.

Speaker 159 Yeah.

Speaker 210 We're down at Croyd and it was the best day of my life.

Speaker 38 Yeah.

Speaker 270 And people still come up to me and ask me about that episode.

Speaker 7 But what do you think of all the other LucasAid flavours?

Speaker 282 Not fast.

Speaker 165 No.

Speaker 178 Not in the original.

Speaker 293 No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no.

Speaker 330 I do the original like maybe once a year just to remind myself that I really like the orange one.

Speaker 145 That's amazing. Yeah.

Speaker 88 Got to keep the orange one in perspective.

Speaker 2 All I remember is that it shouldn't be used to replace the fluids lost when you have diarrhea. What?

Speaker 68 It says it on the bottle.

Speaker 5 I remember as a kid reading it and me and my friends thinking it it was the funniest thing in the world.

Speaker 63 Well, they had to warn you that it was... Was there a rumor that it helped you rehydrate after diarrhea?

Speaker 79 As kids, none of us, like, even like, they had no concept of any of that anyway, so it's hilarious to us.

Speaker 287 You didn't know what diarrhea was?

Speaker 160 We knew diarrhea, but we didn't know that people were trying to replace fluids lost.

Speaker 4 We didn't know any of that, so we just fought every now and again.

Speaker 77 You get the shits, and it's the funniest thing in the world.

Speaker 43 That's all we knew.

Speaker 198 Yeah, man. Diarrhea song.

Speaker 61 When you're sitting on the grass and it comes out your ass, diarrhea.

Speaker 112 Diarrhea.

Speaker 125 No.

Speaker 39 Do you not remember the diarrhea song?

Speaker 134 Comes at your bum like a bullet from a gun.

Speaker 122 What? We've never spoken about this before.

Speaker 20 We genuinely have that.

Speaker 80 And we grew up in different boroughs. Yeah.

Speaker 20 What? No. Yeah.
That must.

Speaker 93 I assume that was a UK-wide, the diarrhea song.

Speaker 289 No, I feel cheated. Maybe, maybe, maybe I've forgotten it.

Speaker 330 Maybe this is.

Speaker 81 You don't forget the diarrhea song.

Speaker 257 If you've heard the diarrhea song, you do not forget it.

Speaker 122 That sticks in your head.

Speaker 81 Yeah. Shit.
I remember that.

Speaker 80 Bubbling hot.

Speaker 157 And then...

Speaker 29 They're not dissimilar.

Speaker 97 Very similar.

Speaker 84 Like a soup in a pot.

Speaker 112 We are what?

Speaker 97 Bubbling hot.

Speaker 63 Like a soup in a pot. It's bubbling hot.

Speaker 80 Always ends up back here.

Speaker 68 That's amazing. I didn't know you were a barrister.

Speaker 63 And then did this complete pivot.

Speaker 254 That's pretty... It's mad.

Speaker 231 Did you recognise that's pretty impressive i yeah

Speaker 128 um i tell you what's impressive honestly what's impressive is that i think i've lived this long and retained continence that i think is impressive because i'm old you know that that i think is impressive honestly

Speaker 154 do you want me to tell the story

Speaker 303 i find it very hard to keep continence when i'm with ed and tom

Speaker 211 we were in the uh reception of a hotel and i can't remember what nisha was laughing at we probably didn't even know she absolutely lost it laughing And then she wet herself in the reception of a hotel.

Speaker 301 That was such an inspiring story.

Speaker 5 Being a barrister and then

Speaker 195 realising the free spice rule and being able to completely change your entire life.

Speaker 226 And Ed's just responded with the fact you want to piss yourself in a hotel.

Speaker 124 Do you know, James, do you know what it was?

Speaker 136 It was simply Ed saying, Nisha, where's your room?

Speaker 97 Sending me to my room because I've had a late night.

Speaker 136 It got to the point, and it still does at GBM, that he just, even if I'm in the same room as him, I find it very hard to control my

Speaker 220 continence.

Speaker 124 It's so, it's just the way we do it.

Speaker 170 How many times does this happen?

Speaker 124 Did you ever find him this far?

Speaker 97 I find him so far.

Speaker 25 How many times has this happened?

Speaker 192 Honestly, I think I struggle with a lot when I'm with him.

Speaker 130 But all he has to do, I remember he just

Speaker 136 walked into a room and pushed the door open in his kind of Ed gangly way.

Speaker 220 And I really lost continence again.

Speaker 63 Pissed yourself again. Yeah, a little bit.

Speaker 155 A little bit. Do you know what I mean?

Speaker 103 Because he walked into a room.

Speaker 136 Just because he walks into a room, that's a gift, isn't it?

Speaker 140 That's like an Eric Morcombe thing.

Speaker 124 Surely that was what it was like being Ernie Wise.

Speaker 210 You are the only person who reacts like that to me, Nisha. Yeah, I think Ed's found the person who wants to write the bitches.

Speaker 160 All they had to do was walk into a room.

Speaker 29 Yeah.

Speaker 81 Real Eric Morcombe.

Speaker 97 Funny as job.

Speaker 136 But it's so bad because every time we get a comedian on or anyone on as a guest, I do spend a lot of time saying, don't you think Ed's dead?

Speaker 163 Fine.

Speaker 154 fine don't you she tried to get me in the new series of inside number nine when we had steve pemerson on i did you should put ed in your show

Speaker 68 steve please don't you remember your response when you said what what room are you in you should have said number nine

Speaker 78 No, but obviously, I'm so sorry to interrupt the inspiring story of someone who's doing fantastic work as a barrister and then is now doing fantastic work within the world of food.

Speaker 93 But you did once piss yourself in the lobby of a hotel.

Speaker 124 It wasn't a fully fledged, you know what I mean?

Speaker 191 It wasn't a deluge, fully fledged, but I did need the loo.

Speaker 282 I did have to then run to the loo.

Speaker 79 Yeah, obviously, it was enough that they knew it,

Speaker 151 they knew it had happened.

Speaker 136 We've got haven't we got good chemistry on that? Yes, I think we've got good chemistry on that programme.

Speaker 293 Yeah, we're very, we're a very good team together, I think.

Speaker 80 I've been trying to get some chemistry going with this fucking

Speaker 97 wet yourself a little bit.

Speaker 80 In order for him to get on

Speaker 136 But it was weird because I'm sort of sitting there like this kind of dowager aunt between the two of you.

Speaker 90 I don't know where you're sitting.

Speaker 199 I am just Alan Smith.

Speaker 112 I'm talking about that.

Speaker 284 I am talking about that, honestly, being... I can't imagine that.
Honestly.

Speaker 136 So, first of all, I think it's really amazing that they chose me.

Speaker 124 Honestly, I was really honoured by that because this is, I'll tell you the thing about it is it's always been very Michelin starred kind of food.

Speaker 124 It's very Haute cuisine, very, very Western classical, hasn't it?

Speaker 175 Yeah, I mean, that's what you think of it.

Speaker 136 And the truth is, that's not the way this nation eats anymore. So it's pretty broad-minded of them to get someone in whose expertise is more world, you know.

Speaker 286 So I go around the world.

Speaker 136 I mean, I mean, literally around the world learning how to cook because I'm obsessed with it.

Speaker 136 So, first of all, I was very appreciative of that.

Speaker 63 And then it's.

Speaker 218 Although it wasn't really kind of them to get you on because it's like, by the time it means you're overly qualified for the job.

Speaker 98 I'm overly qualified

Speaker 305 for family law. It's a bit different.

Speaker 97 It's not kind of good.

Speaker 214 I think they would say they're lucky to have it.

Speaker 23 Before you, there was like those two old dead guys.

Speaker 124 They were amazing.

Speaker 136 And they are such nice guys and they were amazing.

Speaker 158 And you look at that and you think, okay, that's what it is to be a true foodie, you know.

Speaker 136 But then the dynamics, and then it took a, didn't it take a little while for us to just work out how we

Speaker 249 always say this?

Speaker 194 I thought we hit the ground running, but we didn't.

Speaker 130 We completely didn't.

Speaker 136 Because basically, I thought, first of all, I've just got to say whatever Tom says.

Speaker 282 What, copy Tom?

Speaker 108 Copy Tom, really.

Speaker 17 Okay.

Speaker 68 And then making fun of my own restaurant.

Speaker 136 I'm going to get Ed to like me more by I just ask him about tattoos as I did 10 minutes ago.

Speaker 160 Yeah, yeah, I did notice you did.

Speaker 38 And you say tattoos.

Speaker 249 Yeah, it's tattoos.

Speaker 154 Anyone who says tattoos, I know, isn't really interested.

Speaker 156 That's what you meant to say.

Speaker 246 No, I think everyone else in the world says tattoos.

Speaker 97 Tattoos. Not tattoos.

Speaker 170 Have you any new tattoos, Ed?

Speaker 90 Have you any new tattoos?

Speaker 136 Have you seen anything on the films recently

Speaker 149 to get him to like me?

Speaker 254 Yeah, I mean, I'm pretty sure he likes you.

Speaker 16 Yeah, I like you instantly, then.

Speaker 177 Yeah.

Speaker 209 What did Mozzie choose, Benito?

Speaker 102 Yeah, he knew.

Speaker 63 There you go. Yeah.

Speaker 25 Yeah.

Speaker 21 Straight away.

Speaker 331 She strikes me as somebody that would drink sparkling water.

Speaker 257 Well, I think, especially if you're a dancer, you're drinking still water all the time when you're training because you can't drink sparkling water while you're training, obviously.

Speaker 17 Well, you'd be burping all the time, wouldn't you?

Speaker 164 Imagine doing a backflip. You do a burp doing it.
You might do an ultra backflip.

Speaker 17 Go for your feet.

Speaker 321 True, it's fine. But I mean,

Speaker 321 if you were in the competition a couple of weeks, I can burp.

Speaker 34 It's fine. Yeah.

Speaker 169 If you did a very...

Speaker 108 I saw that once on Strictly.

Speaker 90 Well, I was going to say,

Speaker 292 during Strictly, if you did a very obvious and, need I say more, stinky burp that wafted towards the judges.

Speaker 181 Where's this? On the dance floor?

Speaker 97 On the dance floor.

Speaker 58 You're dancing with a celeb.

Speaker 164 You're hoping the burp lands in Debec's face because that's a tent anyway.

Speaker 63 Fingers crossed.

Speaker 58 They smell the burp.

Speaker 210 They know you've done the burp. They've seen you do the burp.

Speaker 211 How many points do you think they'd take off for the burp?

Speaker 68 Each judge? judge?

Speaker 146 No, I mean, no question.

Speaker 233 How far off would you have to be from?

Speaker 249 No, that's true, yeah.

Speaker 20 Do you never go right up to the judge's table and do a shimmy or something?

Speaker 41 Sometimes you live.

Speaker 21 No, sometimes you do.

Speaker 181 And that's true. I'm just trying to think about it now.

Speaker 97 Let me see.

Speaker 13 Oh, goodness.

Speaker 70 So you're in their face shimmying and you burp.

Speaker 13 Ew.

Speaker 202 Obviously, Craig is the worst person to burp in front of or burp on.

Speaker 65 Or Shirley.

Speaker 214 Because I think Mozie would laugh.

Speaker 134 Yeah. She wouldn't love it.

Speaker 71 Standard.

Speaker 252 She'd laugh.

Speaker 81 Mozi would just get a swig of sparkle and burp right back at you.

Speaker 321 I mean, it would be sweet if you burped in Craig's face.

Speaker 81 I mean, it's always for Israel.

Speaker 40 He's so serious.

Speaker 43 I think it will make him laugh.

Speaker 184 Do you know what I mean?

Speaker 196 I don't know how that will go down.

Speaker 108 No, never.

Speaker 97 I've never.

Speaker 80 You never thought about that.

Speaker 97 Never thought about that.

Speaker 63 We bring the tough questions on off menu.

Speaker 29 Yeah, we ask them.

Speaker 331 But I don't think these points should be deducted for something as natural as burping.

Speaker 278 But if it's a really big one, though, massive, I'm still talking massive.

Speaker 321 As long as you are not out of timing

Speaker 331 and you didn't mess up your choreography, I say burp along.

Speaker 252 Do you know what I mean?

Speaker 191 As long as it doesn't affect your choreography, I shouldn't be taking off points.

Speaker 164 Yeah, you would argue that on live television.

Speaker 122 Oh, definitely.

Speaker 331 What if it was just an artistic choice?

Speaker 105 I met Craig recently.

Speaker 97 Oh, stop.

Speaker 210 I was doing, well, wait till you hear this.

Speaker 94 I was doing Live at the Apollo.

Speaker 99 I was hosting an episode of Live at the Apollo.

Speaker 70 Very nerve-wracking moment for a comedian you want it to all go well we were the first one they were filming that night and then just before they said oh we're filming something for 100 years of the bbc where uh craig and some strictly people like invade the stage at loads of different tv shows so they're going out there first uh to do their thing and i was like right did the and the audience know this they went no we're just going to

Speaker 64 So they went out and did a dance.

Speaker 78 The audience just sat there baffled because they thought it was Live at the Apollo.

Speaker 70 They come off. I'm like, right, okay, just get your head in the game.

Speaker 206 You've got to get this right now.

Speaker 111 You probably have a a bit of work to do at the top because they're a bit confused.

Speaker 70 And I just heard someone go, yeah, well, just do it one more time.

Speaker 63 Yeah. Three times they did that dance.

Speaker 184 That was probably Med Flint, yes.

Speaker 199 And then, and then I, and then I had to go out and sort of not mention it.

Speaker 165 Debbie, where was this?

Speaker 249 This was at the Hammer Smith Apollo.

Speaker 249 Congratulations on that.

Speaker 241 Thanks, thank you very much.

Speaker 58 One of the biggest kicks of a comedian's career hosting live at the Apollo.

Speaker 24 And I had to work really hard at the top because everyone was initially baffled and then just absolutely wowed by the dancing and then I come out in you know t-shirt and jeans and then to watch the same dance three times

Speaker 331 I'm sorry about that no no it was it was lovely to watch oh strictly must be everywhere isn't it yeah

Speaker 142 even even infiltrating the comedy shows now

Speaker 263 so again you you could boil it in a mold or if you want to be super traditional banana leaves

Speaker 263 you boil them on the side thing is if you eat all these things in combination you're going to fart yourself into orbit.

Speaker 29 Like,

Speaker 98 I mean,

Speaker 263 you have a fight.

Speaker 263 I don't want to.

Speaker 266 If you're eating this meal, you want to make sure you're not doing anything for the rest of the day, right?

Speaker 151 You can't.

Speaker 263 Okay, I'm going to ask a question, right?

Speaker 97 Just, I don't do toilet humor.

Speaker 263 Sure, but I just want to know if it's only me.

Speaker 102 Yeah.

Speaker 149 Have you ever farted so hard that it pushed your balls?

Speaker 175 Push the balls.

Speaker 29 Like you were sitting down and like

Speaker 263 pushed your balls to get

Speaker 120 I mean I've not noticed that

Speaker 210 I've done it I've probably done the tickler but I've not pushed I've not pushed my ball I don't know like hiding the bush the fuck him out yeah sure yeah

Speaker 184 so much power but that's what I mean so much Dragon Ball Z but

Speaker 63 I've not seen much Dragon Ball Z.

Speaker 97 You know I'm fucking spirit bomb.

Speaker 156 I don't know I don't but I think I know where you're going with it.

Speaker 169 But I don't think, I think I've probably felt the fart on my balls.

Speaker 193 But it didn't push.

Speaker 210 It didn't move the balls.

Speaker 64 If you see what I mean.

Speaker 63 Is that what happens in Dragon Ball Z?

Speaker 113 No.

Speaker 196 As they fart and push each other's balls around.

Speaker 112 I mean, maybe off-camera, but you have like these.

Speaker 263 Like these massive fireball things that they do.

Speaker 29 Yeah.

Speaker 122 It was like that.

Speaker 263 I farts.

Speaker 97 Like, I had to stop what I was doing and take a few minutes to just

Speaker 191 collect myself.

Speaker 83 And you've been eating more.

Speaker 38 Is that what I just said it?

Speaker 58 I think it's amazing.

Speaker 36 Like you're talking about hydrating.

Speaker 119 A lot of people I know live in LA that talk about making sure they hydrate.

Speaker 134 But that combined with a system where you're going to be able to do it.

Speaker 144 When you say it like that,

Speaker 324 it sounds like I'm an insufferable

Speaker 325 angelino.

Speaker 89 And Ed, the point is taken.

Speaker 312 You've really, right here at the end, you've really rocked me to my corner.

Speaker 325 That's what I didn't say at the beginning, man.

Speaker 80 Just my Zook is tricks pets.

Speaker 156 The secret ingredient.

Speaker 278 But do you not just need the the toilet all the time in your car? I do. Yeah.

Speaker 43 All the time.

Speaker 187 And have had some very close calls.

Speaker 11 Very close calls.

Speaker 324 So much so that I've now had to a number of times pull up into side streets to surreptitiously try and piss without somebody being like, hey,

Speaker 144 Adrian Pimento from Brooklyn I'm big fan man while I'm just like, don't look at me.

Speaker 312 You know, while they're walking their dog in their neighborhood while a semi-known person is just pissing.

Speaker 111 Or one of those like celebrity tour buses.

Speaker 89 Oh my gosh. And there he is.

Speaker 324 Once again, unable to make it all the way home from lunch.

Speaker 97 Jason Manzuk is pissing on the side of the road.

Speaker 184 And if we turn down here, we might see, oh, there he is.

Speaker 181 Jason Manzuk is once again pissing mere moments from his house because it's always like four minutes from home.

Speaker 97 My body's like, and now, go.

Speaker 324 Because something about like turning up my street makes me feel like I'm there.

Speaker 89 And And then it's just game over.

Speaker 90 So that's the other thing is I'm pissing in my own neighborhood.

Speaker 312 Like, so my neighbor, it's only a matter of time.

Speaker 324 It's not like I'm, it's not like I'm on the other side of town being like, whatever.

Speaker 325 No, it's whatever.

Speaker 324 I'm just like crouching in some bushes like an absolute maniac.

Speaker 43 No, I'm in the neighborhood that I live in where my neighbors might walk by and be like, hey, Jason, how are you?

Speaker 325 And I'm going to have to be like, hey, what's going on? Couldn't make it home.

Speaker 144 I'm in my 50s. Who knew?

Speaker 111 They're going to think you don't have a toilet.

Speaker 119 Like, you've not paid to put a toilet in your house this year.

Speaker 89 Well, I also have a bunch of smashed toilets out front of my house.

Speaker 325 I am very vocally anti-toilet.

Speaker 89 I think big toilets trying to take us over.

Speaker 312 I will say, I just got one of those Japanese toilet seats.

Speaker 155 Oh, wow.

Speaker 324 Just the thing you put on, and it does all the same stuff.

Speaker 294 You know, holy cow.

Speaker 92 You look like Nish, but you know you're living

Speaker 273 like good timeline Nish where you're living his dreams.

Speaker 80 Oh, yes.

Speaker 81 Oh, please.

Speaker 58 Me and Nish, I'd say, you know, we talk most days.

Speaker 111 I'd say 50% of our conversations are about imagine if we had a Japanese toilet.

Speaker 89 Oh, I thought you were going to say 50% of your conversations are Nish saying, what if I could lead Jason Manzukis' life?

Speaker 84 Does the Japanese toilet have writing on the side that says Jason Manzukis?

Speaker 25 Yep. Yup.

Speaker 177 Shit's here.

Speaker 29 Pisses down the road.

Speaker 181 Pisses down the road, shit's here.

Speaker 278 This is Jason Manzukas's sake cup.

Speaker 21 Dwayne DeRott Johnson's bushes or whatever.

Speaker 90 I will say this is the thing is a game changer.

Speaker 116 Oh, you know, the toilet itself, I think, is insanely expensive, but the bidet seat,

Speaker 116 very affordable and incredible.

Speaker 14 I mean, like really good.

Speaker 325 Like being here for a couple of weeks, I'm like, oh, man, I really miss it.

Speaker 270 Yeah, yeah, that's the main thing. You can look at photos of it on your phone.
Oh, yeah.

Speaker 181 Oh, I'm texting it. It's not texting me back.

Speaker 93 Do you feel really dirty?

Speaker 16 I feel filthy right now.

Speaker 324 I feel like I'm sitting in my own filth.

Speaker 181 You know, it's disgusting.

Speaker 220 It's disgusting.

Speaker 324 You don't, you, you feel clean afterwards in a way that you just cannot from mashing paper around.

Speaker 89 Think about it.

Speaker 113 It's crazy.

Speaker 242 Why would we do that like this?

Speaker 325 This should be, we should all just shoot water at our assholes and be done with it.

Speaker 324 It's absolutely absurd that we mush paper around and just smear the shit around.

Speaker 90 You wouldn't do it to your plates. You wouldn't, exactly.

Speaker 233 You wouldn't do it to your plates.

Speaker 58 Imagine if someone, you went to someone's house for dinner and they popped the plate down.

Speaker 36 It was clearly like

Speaker 181 last night's dinner. We wiped it.

Speaker 121 We dry wiped it.

Speaker 312 We dry wiped last night's dinner off of the plates.

Speaker 228 It's fine.

Speaker 312 That's what you're doing. You're dry wiping your own shit.

Speaker 158 Yeah.

Speaker 242 All over.

Speaker 312 Is that what you people came to this podcast for?

Speaker 156 They know that happened.

Speaker 84 They were too disappointed.

Speaker 221 It's taking us this long to get there.

Speaker 283 I think because of the way that I feel now in my second go, the final course would just be like a big fucking hot wad of shit filled with tampons.

Speaker 38 Piece of shit.

Speaker 283 Arabiata.

Speaker 283 It would be shit and tampons. Tampons prepared like a fusili or whatever.

Speaker 209 Yeah.

Speaker 67 Soaked in the shit.

Speaker 283 A bolognese. Yeah.
A shit bolognese human shit and other, whatever's around.

Speaker 270 So just to be clear, a human shit bolognese is that just like someone's made a bolognese out of human shit or someone eating bolognese and then shit out.

Speaker 36 Very good question from James.

Speaker 283 Well, let's see, James, this is just like a very simple kind of science question.

Speaker 257 Yeah.

Speaker 283 If you eat bolognese, if you go home after this, you eat bolognese. Yeah.
And then

Speaker 283 10 hours later, right? That's the normal digestive cycle.

Speaker 6 You shit.

Speaker 283 Do you look into the toilet and say, that's bolognese?

Speaker 9 I'm going to eat it again.

Speaker 3 Well, I wouldn't say I'm going to eat it again.

Speaker 199 I wouldn't say, I mean, you said shit mixed with bolognese or the bolognese shit.

Speaker 270 I wouldn't say I'm going to eat it again, but I might be like, I've got the bolognese shits.

Speaker 63 Not after 10 hours, though.

Speaker 72 That would have to be like within an hour or two, I think, for you to look in and go, that's bolognese.

Speaker 210 I've got the bolognese.

Speaker 79 It's not even a visual thing for me. It's like, sometimes you just feel it.

Speaker 62 You know what it is that you ate that's making you shit.

Speaker 283 But usually if you're getting shits that fast after eating something irritating, you're not shitting that thing. You're shitting the other stuff that was in there that's getting...

Speaker 221 Yeah.

Speaker 195 Which I was once told by a goddamn hotel receptionist.

Speaker 64 What?

Speaker 270 I tried to complain that the breakfast that I'd eaten had given me the shits.

Speaker 23 She was like, that couldn't have been.

Speaker 231 When did you have the breakfast?

Speaker 160 And I was like, like an hour ago, I just shat everywhere.

Speaker 178 And

Speaker 160 she was like, that couldn't have been the breakfast.

Speaker 221 I was like, it would definitely, I ate the breakfast, and then I went to our hotel room and I just did shits everywhere.

Speaker 66 And it's all covered as shit.

Speaker 9 And she was like, she googled it in front of me on the computer.

Speaker 231 And then she said to me, there you go.

Speaker 19 That shows it couldn't have been the breakfast.

Speaker 84 It takes this long to affect you if you get food poisoned from something.

Speaker 82 it couldn't have been that breakfast that we gave you we're not we're not apologizing for nothing and i had to go to the next leg of my tour

Speaker 283 and when you say you shit there was everywhere was that did you like diarrhea and it ended up on the floor or something ended up on the robe that i was wearing what oh i was relaxing i i ate the breakfast went back to my hotel had a shower put a robe on sat down to do emails chat the robe big time

Speaker 283 after your shower.

Speaker 20 Yeah, after the shower is the worst.

Speaker 184 Yeah.

Speaker 254 I just soaked the robe in the sink.

Speaker 198 Apologies to that.

Speaker 277 The fact that you then, the level of confidence you must have had to shit in a hotel robe

Speaker 154 and then call reception and say, your breakfast just made me do a shit in your robe.

Speaker 80 Well, listen.

Speaker 61 I knew they were going to see that.

Speaker 254 I tried to clear up the evidence.

Speaker 164 I tried to, I was like, no.

Speaker 196 So I was like, and I was angry about it.

Speaker 97 Right.

Speaker 24 What I would do is I would take that robe with me and then I'd pay for the robe.

Speaker 99 I wouldn't call reception and admit I just done a shit in the robe.

Speaker 17 I'd call reception.

Speaker 20 I'd send it to their face when I was leaving.

Speaker 283 Sometimes the robes, though, are like $300

Speaker 283 and then it's like, you're gonna, it's like,

Speaker 283 I would want to then, because I wouldn't want, just because there's shit on it, I wouldn't want to throw it away if I was really gonna take that hit. Yeah.

Speaker 283 But then be like, okay, I'm gonna keep the robe, but I gotta wash it.

Speaker 196 Yeah.

Speaker 69 But then if you put a shit robe in your luggage,

Speaker 283 the smell will get into the rest. And I say this as someone who has shit in underwear and been like, I was like, I guess I'm going to travel with it.

Speaker 283 And I put it in a bag.

Speaker 292 Guess what?

Speaker 283 It gets through the bag.

Speaker 283 It gets through the bag. And it makes your other clothes smell like poop.

Speaker 283 This was a really long time ago.

Speaker 199 Recent.

Speaker 155 This was maybe like

Speaker 69 ages ago.

Speaker 283 Yeah, mine was about a month

Speaker 134 from today.

Speaker 92 I would just say, even if

Speaker 97 the road was $300,

Speaker 210 I think I'm willing to spend that so I don't get into a situation where a hotel receptionist is googling how long does it take for something to make you shit yourself.

Speaker 75 Well, and then showing me the results.

Speaker 283 And also, the kind of like,

Speaker 283 I don't know, that's kind of like litigation or something.

Speaker 304 Like the skill to be like, actually,

Speaker 283 science says here on the screen, like she's probably had people do that before.

Speaker 272 Yeah, that can't have been the first time that the breakfast has made someone shit themselves.

Speaker 68 That's what it felt like.

Speaker 151 It felt like she was like, I've been here many times before.

Speaker 88 You're not going to win this.

Speaker 283 It feels like maybe the bacteria was just like sitting in your gut. And as soon as food touched it, it inflamed it.
So it probably was the food, but maybe it was the food from the night before.

Speaker 283 That's just like,

Speaker 283 how sometimes you'll like not, if you're sick in with like a stomach flu or something and you won't have to puke or like get, you don't get that like weird nauseous feeling until you actually try and eat something.

Speaker 69 Yeah, that's what it felt.

Speaker 287 Did you tell them about the robe?

Speaker 189 No, no, I was like, they'll find out.

Speaker 272 And was there any blow, was there any blowback from that?

Speaker 68 No, they didn't follow up and go, hey, found that robe in the sink, soaking in the, in the sink.

Speaker 121 Don't you think we don't know what you did?

Speaker 68 They didn't do that.

Speaker 84 I don't know exactly what hotel it was.

Speaker 150 I'd know the hotel if I saw it.

Speaker 70 Yes, of course. And they'd know you if they saw you.

Speaker 84 Yeah, I think actually I was already at the point in my career where she did know me.

Speaker 122 unfortunately.

Speaker 283 And you went down and you were like, ah, shit.

Speaker 283 And what did you want to, what did you, in your head, what did you?

Speaker 254 Yeah, you know, at the time, I guess I thought they might take the breakfast off the bill.

Speaker 38 But

Speaker 270 I don't know why I wanted that.

Speaker 68 I don't know why I thought that was a fair trade.

Speaker 195 That was worth my dignity.

Speaker 63 Was this when you were going through a tricky time?

Speaker 64 When I'm not.

Speaker 25 You know, yeah.

Speaker 64 I was definitely on tour.

Speaker 68 So, yeah, I was at my wit's end.

Speaker 283 You know, it really, it's a tour, I think, is destabilizing.

Speaker 283 A lot of stuff, it throws your whole body out of whack, mind, body, soul.

Speaker 181 It's, it's okay.

Speaker 41 And maybe she saw that.

Speaker 283 Yeah. Maybe she was like, it's not the breakfast.
It's your, it's the tour.

Speaker 208 She could have googled my tour dates and just shown me those and gone.

Speaker 68 Yeah.

Speaker 283 These are too close together. Yeah.
This kind of geographically doesn't make sense. Yeah.

Speaker 188 You should go through that list and tick every time you've done a horrible shit.

Speaker 105 It's every day.

Speaker 58 That's it for part one.

Speaker 76 We'll be back with part two tomorrow.

Speaker 60 Perhaps you've listened to this whilst traveling to see family over the festive period.

Speaker 58 Maybe you've been cooking a Boxing Day feast, or maybe, like James, you've been cleaning your flat.

Speaker 14 Hi, James.

Speaker 81 See you tomorrow.

Speaker 44 Hi folks, it's Mark Bittman from the podcast Food with Mark Bittman.

Speaker 25 Trust.

Speaker 27 It's not just given. It's earned.

Speaker 26 Earned in the early mornings, in the late nights. Earned by generations of real California dairy families who care.

Speaker 95 And carried on by even the littlest ones.

Speaker 28 Care for their cows, for their land, for their community, and care for you.

Speaker 26 Because when 99% of our dairy farms are family-owned, you're getting generations of tradition you can trust. Rio California Milk, look for the seal.

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Speaker 252 Hello, I'm Lucy Beaumont. And I'm Sam Campbell, as a matter of fact.

Speaker 332 Perfect Brains is one of the most enchanting podcasts. The effect it has on people is astounding.

Speaker 333 That is what we've heard, isn't it? Yeah.

Speaker 332 This changes people's lives.

Speaker 333 If you had to sum it up, how would you sum it up?

Speaker 332 An in-depth look at sumo wrestling and the scandals. Because it used to be considered so honourable, like sumos and they all live together, sumos.

Speaker 333 No two podcasts are the same. Do you remember that one where I just messaged loads of Derek's?

Speaker 317 I don't think people know that. I emailed a hundred Dereks.

Speaker 21 I don't think it was Derek's. I thought it was Brian's.

Speaker 104 Yeah, Lucy emailed every Brian on Facebook.

Speaker 333 Our podcast is out every Friday. It's really easy to remember.
It's like if you've got an office job, it's the first day you feel alive again.

Speaker 332 Lucy and Sam's Perfect Brains, one of the hottest podcasts. People are going crazy for this podcast.

Speaker 333 Yeah, please give it a listen.

Speaker 332 We're loaded up on BuzzBalls, we've got a laboo boo in both hands, and we are ready to screech.