Best of 2024: Part 2

Speaker 1 Hello, it's Ed Gamble here from the Off Menu Podcast.

Speaker 4 Hello, it's James Acaster here from the Off Menu Podcast.

Speaker 4 And before the episode starts, we'd like to talk to you about All Our Relations, a non-profit co-founded by your friend of mine, comedian Jen Brister, and Georgia Takax.

Speaker 8 Yes, All Our Relations was originally started to support 15 families in Gaza when the genocide started, but now supports 21 families and funds several mutual aid projects, including two seven-day food kitchens and two mobile food parcel delivery schemes, as well, feeding hundreds of families in Gaza every single day.

Speaker 8 They've created an absolutely amazing thing.

Speaker 1 And we feel like, you know, it's the off-menu podcast.

Speaker 9 We talk about food and we are very lucky to eat wonderful food and have access to absolutely brilliant food all of the time.

Speaker 8 And I think we need to talk about people who have access to no food, James.

Speaker 7 Absolutely.

Speaker 4 So if people would like to donate, please go to allourrelations.co.uk or look at the links in Jen Brister's bio on Instagram.

Speaker 3 Every penny raised go to supporting people in Gaza.

Speaker 7 Thank you so much.

Speaker 14 And enjoy the episode.

Speaker 18 Welcome back to the best of.

Speaker 19 We've been expecting you for some time.

Speaker 22 It's part two of our best of 2024 episodes.

Speaker 18 Ed, how would you describe this episode?

Speaker 26 In your words, not Benito's.

Speaker 27 Well,

Speaker 28 yeah,

Speaker 28 jam-packed. Jams in italics.

Speaker 29 Jam in italics.

Speaker 30 As I'm thinking of it now.

Speaker 33 And this time, let's start off with a nice refreshing glass of H.

Speaker 16 Joel.

Speaker 36 Let's hear from Ella Purnell, Nisha Katona, Sir Jamonica Jackson, Rachel Stevens, Finn Wolfhard, Carrie Brownstein, Patty Harrison, and Nabil Abdul Rashid.

Speaker 39 First of all, we will start with still of sparkling water.

Speaker 41 Still?

Speaker 42 I have a theory.

Speaker 43 So sparkling water, we need to call it something else because it doesn't taste anything like water. Sparkling water should taste like, it should taste neutral, just fizzy.

Speaker 43 And sparkling water doesn't taste neutral. It tastes bitter and sour.
And like something else.

Speaker 46 It's like a unflavoured soda.

Speaker 43 I know I've just described sparkling water. Okay.
Let me start again.

Speaker 46 It's sour.

Speaker 43 I hate it. I really don't like it.
And it really bothers me that it's called sparkling water. It should be called something else.
It should have its own name.

Speaker 48 We should come up with a name now then.

Speaker 49 Oh, wow.

Speaker 50 Okay. Yeah, yeah.
Okay.

Speaker 52 So for the listener, it's now 9.19.

Speaker 55 Why are you doing time checks like we're on live radio?

Speaker 56 We've got to come up with a name for sparkling water.

Speaker 25 I want people to know what pressure we're under.

Speaker 58 Ella was like spouting philosophy earlier.

Speaker 43 I think

Speaker 62 that's, I think you're going to be okay, but Ed and I aren't fine on all cylinders.

Speaker 65 We've got to come up with a new name for sparkling water at 9.19 in the morning.

Speaker 46 It should sound how it feels.

Speaker 67 So sour is a word you've used a few times.

Speaker 43 Yeah, it's bitter. It's

Speaker 69 bitter sour bubbles.

Speaker 43 People can't see me, but I just made it.

Speaker 72 Yeah, I mean, that would be, I don't know if I could pronounce that.

Speaker 16 Yeah, I used to tell that somehow.

Speaker 73 Yeah, yeah.

Speaker 3 Every time, do you want still or?

Speaker 3 Yeah, less people would be asking for that.

Speaker 43 It's also slightly off-putting. If the waiter offered me that, I'd look at him and say, no, thank you.

Speaker 19 Yeah, it would remind you of like, oh, that's how it's going to feel, actually.

Speaker 40 So

Speaker 3 I'd rather just have the still water.

Speaker 77 Yeah.

Speaker 78 And still or tap?

Speaker 60 Like, If you go into places, are you a tap person?

Speaker 79 I don't really

Speaker 80 care

Speaker 80 about all the difference.

Speaker 48 It feels like they're trying to rip you off as well.

Speaker 43 It does.

Speaker 2 When they say still or sparkling water, you know there's a third option.

Speaker 82 You know. But no one's saying it.

Speaker 83 Why do they ever tell you?

Speaker 84 Yeah, they should say still sparkling water.

Speaker 43 They shouldn't assume that you know that they have a tap.

Speaker 43 They may not have a tap.

Speaker 77 That's true.

Speaker 86 I wouldn't go to a restaurant that didn't have a tap.

Speaker 27 That would be a real suspicion.

Speaker 86 But you wouldn't know.

Speaker 65 You wouldn't know. How do you know yet?

Speaker 88 Okay, well, I go in and go, first of all, do you have a tap?

Speaker 89 And then I'll eat your food if you've got a tap.

Speaker 43 Hi, can I see a menu? And also, do you have a tap?

Speaker 88 Can I see a menu and your tap?

Speaker 84 Take me back there and show me you've got a tap.

Speaker 12 Otherwise, it's weird.

Speaker 72 I would like to see the tap.

Speaker 74 I think if

Speaker 50 you are ordering tap water, it would be good to see the tap.

Speaker 94 Are you going to judge the restaurant on the cleanliness of their tap?

Speaker 95 Why are the taps rank?

Speaker 96 No, you're right.

Speaker 43 Well, there's a massive lime scale buildup on that tap.

Speaker 33 Oh, God, I wouldn't want to eat that.

Speaker 43 I wouldn't want the tap water. That's for sure.

Speaker 43 No, then I'd get still. Yeah, maybe that's the standard we need to be setting.

Speaker 99 You can see see what this tap is.

Speaker 27 Take me back there. It's so enlightening.

Speaker 101 Yeah.

Speaker 102 Can you think of like, so if you are having tap water and this is your dream meal, is there a tap that you've seen in your life that you'd like, that's the tap I would like it to come from?

Speaker 67 It's honestly the first time we've ever asked this.

Speaker 74 I was going to say that.

Speaker 59 We've done over 200 of these.

Speaker 107 What?

Speaker 43 Whoa, that's a great question. I haven't seen that many cool taps in my life to be honest.

Speaker 75 What have you seen a lot of cool?

Speaker 62 Hello, you're a big star. Yeah.

Speaker 43 I am a big star.

Speaker 109 Are you telling me?

Speaker 106 You're telling me they don't have to attack.

Speaker 43 Guys, all taps kind of look the same.

Speaker 26 Are you joking?

Speaker 110 Come on.

Speaker 111 Can you do a

Speaker 111 separate hot and cold tap or a mixer tap?

Speaker 43 Oh, no, I hate when they do it separately.

Speaker 94 Yeah.

Speaker 43 Because then when I'm trying to wash my face in warm waters, hot, cold, hot, cold, hot, cold.

Speaker 27 I can't.

Speaker 112 It's too stressful.

Speaker 94 And then I burn of it and then it's too cold.

Speaker 43 And then you end up just doing cold and then you're cold.

Speaker 46 And

Speaker 43 it's a very stressful experience. I don't want to have to hold my hands separately and then mix them together.

Speaker 94 Trying to mix hot and cold water in a bowl hand is really uncomfortable.

Speaker 43 See, I clearly have a lot of, I didn't realise I had such strong feelings about taps. Yeah, see?

Speaker 46 No, that really does bother me, actually.

Speaker 31 You are being surprised in this podcast, but by your own approach.

Speaker 59 By my own.

Speaker 98 I didn't know I had so many.

Speaker 115 Yeah.

Speaker 43 Wow. Thank you so much.

Speaker 3 So you were like a mixer tap.

Speaker 116 I like a mixer tap.

Speaker 9 But for a drink, surely, you don't want to mix a tap.

Speaker 117 Oh, no.

Speaker 118 That's unfair of you.

Speaker 3 Because you led Ella down this path of choosing the mixer tap.

Speaker 58 Now you've gone fucking gotcha.

Speaker 66 You tricked me. Yeah, yeah.
It's a gotcha.

Speaker 63 Sorry, Ella. You've been gotcha.

Speaker 94 When it's one tap, you just turn the cold bit on.

Speaker 46 I wouldn't turn the hot and the cold if I was drinking water.

Speaker 93 No, I'm not drinking warm water.

Speaker 103 We'll start with still or sparkling water, as we always do.

Speaker 120 Gosh, I forgot about that. I forgot I was here for this.

Speaker 27 Yeah, yeah.

Speaker 121 I can tell.

Speaker 98 I can tell you forgot.

Speaker 122 Do you know what I mean? Yeah, yeah.

Speaker 45 Still or sparkling water, Ed. What would you have?

Speaker 27 No, we're not there.

Speaker 123 It's about me.

Speaker 125 So can I tell you, honestly, I feel quite strongly about this because I I don't like still water very much because.

Speaker 125 So I used to go to India a lot when I was very little, a lot, a lot, a lot. And I spent a lot of time with very, very bad diarrhea.

Speaker 125 Very bad diarrhea, because I used to drink the water that came from whatever, the buckets in the village that were kept. The water was kept then in a clay pot because they thought that cooled it.

Speaker 125 But what it in fact did, did it just made the water evaporate down into the microbes.

Speaker 128 So I literally would come back and I was often hospitalized.

Speaker 120 It was that bad.

Speaker 125 So for me, still water smacks of that stuff that you put in drip bags in hospital. It's like interstitial fluid.

Speaker 123 It's just, it's the stuff that you would squeeze out of a dressing,

Speaker 130 wound dressing, not a dressing gown.

Speaker 131 Both, actually.

Speaker 120 Do you know what I mean?

Speaker 125 I have no fondness for still water.

Speaker 72 It's the most disgusting description of still water we've had on the podcast ever.

Speaker 27 It's the worst.

Speaker 67 We've asked that question so many times and you start to think we've had all the answers we're going to have, but it reminds you of interstitial fluid that someone squeezed from a wound dressing.

Speaker 125 It's a little bit like that. Do you know, like, they say that a durian fruit fruit smells like an old wound dressing?

Speaker 45 Yes.

Speaker 136 That's what the definition is.

Speaker 9 Stinky fruit.

Speaker 137 Stinky fruit.

Speaker 125 That's the definition. I always think of just still water as that's, you know, it's the stuff of drip bags.

Speaker 125 It's the stuff you mop up. You know,

Speaker 125 it's a nursing term, I think, still.

Speaker 123 But then sparkling. You see, now the thing with sparkling, can I tell you this?

Speaker 125 I am very careful about my teeth, James. I'm a very careful person when it comes to my teeth because I think, I used to think, dentists get paid.

Speaker 125 Your mum's not not a dentist Benito is she no um by the filling

Speaker 139 by the filling

Speaker 93 no one is related

Speaker 125 now I love them and I think they're fantastic but there was a point I was raised to believe that they were paid by the filling so you don't go to the dentist so I'm really careful and I hadn't had a filling till I was 35 or whatever

Speaker 125 so really careful about my teeth now have you seen the Mallum granite pavements do you know what I'm talking about no obviously not in Mallum,

Speaker 80 Yorkshire.

Speaker 125 They're called the granite, what's it called? The granite paves. Are you googling it?

Speaker 142 The great,

Speaker 125 basically carbonic acid, that is what it does to rock.

Speaker 120 Yes.

Speaker 125 So still, so pure sparkling water, in my view, just completely erodes it. You're going to end up with the, you know, Elizabeth I teeth drinking pure sparkling water.
So I find it too acidic.

Speaker 125 I just find it kind of fuses your frontal lobe to your eyebrows. You know, it's just strips your mucous membranes out.
I just find it too acidic. So I like to go a half and half.

Speaker 87 Yeah. So that's true.

Speaker 76 You take the two things that you don't like and put them together.

Speaker 125 Well, you have, you know, you have to be polite, don't you?

Speaker 125 But I have to say, when I put the two things together, they're perfect. You're getting that lovely palate cleansing.
You know, you're getting that little bit of acidity.

Speaker 120 It's just a little wake-me-up, but it's also hydrating.

Speaker 103 Yeah, I don't drink a lot of it.

Speaker 125 You know what I mean? I like to go to the loo maybe twice a day for a week.

Speaker 144 Yeah,

Speaker 23 by the side of things, you don't always go to the loo.

Speaker 84 And that is true. I've witnessed that happen.

Speaker 110 You witnessed a half and half.

Speaker 148 When a runner comes in and says, would you like some water?

Speaker 149 It's a little sparkling. And Nisha says, yes, I'll have half and half, please.

Speaker 125 I think half and half's a thing, though, isn't it? Surely people do that.

Speaker 103 It's the first time maybe we've had that on the podcast.

Speaker 50 I mean, maybe someone else has said it at some point,

Speaker 23 but not as a thing they already do.

Speaker 50 I think they've probably riffed it and gone, let's go for half and half.

Speaker 61 I think you're the first person who that's your pre-existing preference.

Speaker 152 Especially the first person who wants half and half and half of the drink they want is something they refer to as something from a drip bag and the other half is something they've seen rot away a pavement.

Speaker 151 Well, we always start with still a sparkling water.

Speaker 103 Do you have a preference?

Speaker 107 Sparkling. I like to get the mouse scratched.

Speaker 37 So that's what you're enjoying getting from the sparkling is

Speaker 70 scratchy mouth.

Speaker 107 Yeah, yeah. Just detangle that mouse, get it all open.
Have you ever heard of the face jam?

Speaker 27 For your face?

Speaker 50 Yeah, yeah, it's been recommended to me.

Speaker 79 Well, yeah, yeah, yeah, well, says a lot about how how I clearly look.

Speaker 107 Well, apparently it gives you a skinnier face, so maybe that's what sparkle and water is doing for the inside of your mouth. Do you

Speaker 107 from the inside?

Speaker 84 Oh, so I thought you're saying it gives you the skinny inside of the mouth. Does that show on the outside then, or are you just trying to get chimneys?

Speaker 107 Yeah, because there's less on the inside, yeah. It means you have to pull it out from the

Speaker 107 silence mind. Just feels ices and just swash it around.

Speaker 114 Yeah, I know, I see what you mean.

Speaker 107 It's stimulating.

Speaker 24 Yeah, yeah, exactly.

Speaker 86 Sparkle and water.

Speaker 2 Yeah, gets you ready for what you're about to eat maybe yeah and obviously scratches the mouth and um yeah and makes it skinny on the inside yeah

Speaker 107 and they massage the inside of your mouth at the face gym don't they they never i've never had anyone's fingers in my mouth in the face gym other places yes at work sometimes we should try and explain what the face gym is maybe for some listeners who don't yeah explain the face gym

Speaker 107 I'm going to explain it now really well, so hopefully they give me some free fish.

Speaker 107 The face gym is a place where you go and they exercise your face. You don't have to do any of the exercising yourself.
You don't have to move your own face.

Speaker 107 They move it for you and they have like weights and balls and things that they press and roll and ice and you leave honestly snatched.

Speaker 101 Yeah.

Speaker 47 It's amazing.

Speaker 154 Because I've seen, I've been past the face gym and have thought, but where have we come to?

Speaker 107 You've got fantastic skin though that you suppose to.

Speaker 158 Thank you very much.

Speaker 107 Do you do anything, Dude, or do you just

Speaker 27 wash it now and again?

Speaker 55 Because you just started.

Speaker 152 Me and James have had an argument about this before that I wasn't washing my face at night and James thought it was the most unbelievable thing he'd ever heard.

Speaker 69 Yeah you have to wash your face.

Speaker 84 Yeah and then I did an interview with GQ magazine and they were really upset that I didn't wash my face.

Speaker 84 So about six months later when I'd calmed down my stubbornness I started washing my face at night.

Speaker 107 Do you not have like a wee sooty face when you're coming home?

Speaker 9 No I'm not a chimney sweep.

Speaker 67 I'm not running through the streets of London jumping into chalk painting.

Speaker 107 But it's modern day. Dirt isn't visible now.

Speaker 80 Yeah well i think also ed was born you have all that wi-fi on your face

Speaker 88 i should i should move to donegal

Speaker 76 because i think like when i moved to london i really noticed like oh my skin is

Speaker 163 yeah

Speaker 86 like as soon as i moved it it was fine in ketvin yeah and then i moved here and all the pollution sort of attacking my face i was like

Speaker 148 ed was born here so i guess you're hard i've always been mucky his his his skin knows how to deal with it.

Speaker 166 He's a mucky boy.

Speaker 107 But he must be hard as fuck because

Speaker 107 the water is hard, so it must harden you, especially if you're growing with that water. Yeah.

Speaker 84 Or maybe, maybe I'm just used to it, you know, it's like an immune system thing now.

Speaker 169 Yeah.

Speaker 152 Yeah, because I can't go anywhere with soft water.

Speaker 2 I've said it on the podcast before.

Speaker 37 It makes my hair too fluffy.

Speaker 78 Yeah.

Speaker 29 But he texted me when he started washing his face at night to tell me he'd started doing it.

Speaker 168 For a bit, I was texting him every night going, done it again.

Speaker 128 Don't it again? Do it again.

Speaker 75 It's becoming a real one.

Speaker 27 It's all black.

Speaker 133 It's awful.

Speaker 51 And then I've got a little acid thing that I use sometimes as well.

Speaker 171 Oh, that's nice.

Speaker 152 My wife sometimes uses like an acid peel thing that is like purple, but never warns me when she's put it on.

Speaker 48 And I'm always shocked.

Speaker 88 Just walk into the bedroom like with a bright purple face

Speaker 172 every single time.

Speaker 107 I have one of those LED masks.

Speaker 107 They are amazing. Also snatched.

Speaker 67 Do they actually do anything though?

Speaker 107 They really, really, really do. I just feel like when I took it off, I sort of look like I just got out of the sea.

Speaker 107 Do you know when it's a wee bit tighter and a wee bit like

Speaker 70 that sort of feels like?

Speaker 173 Oh, nice.

Speaker 107 I really am. And this yanker, and that's very relaxing, you know, to just lie down and like just your pants and the face mask, just like starfished across the bed.

Speaker 128 It's a bit of U-time. We love in a busy world.

Speaker 27 Yeah, we do.

Speaker 2 Yeah, we've got to put on an LED face mask that makes us look like we're in slip, not now and again.

Speaker 22 My girlfriend's got one of those.

Speaker 174 Yeah. I've tried it out a couple of times.

Speaker 50 Yeah. Sitting there there on the bed with my pants with what looks like, you know, like...

Speaker 55 I don't think you have to be in your pants. I'll just say that now.

Speaker 111 I don't think you have to be in your pants.

Speaker 123 No, because you're just out of the shower when you do.

Speaker 107 You're obviously not going to lie.

Speaker 70 I would much rather not have pants on.

Speaker 87 So you're laying there in a LED face mask and full dungarees.

Speaker 62 Just do it on the tube.

Speaker 33 You do it when you're just clean.

Speaker 176 Right, okay. That makes sense then.

Speaker 24 Sorry, carry on.

Speaker 77 Well, last time I did it, I'm laying there, got it on, in my pants,

Speaker 50 and then my cat, who is a Sphinx cat, hairless cat, comes and sits on my chest.

Speaker 56 It was quite the sight, me with that mask on, and a hairless cat sitting on it.

Speaker 103 We always start with still a sparkling water for your dream meal.

Speaker 177 Do you have a preference? They would have to be still.

Speaker 160 Yeah, cannot do sparkling.

Speaker 123 Sparkling to me tastes like soluble, like paracetamol.

Speaker 54 Oh, that's good.

Speaker 154 I know what you mean, but I think I quite like the taste of soluble paracetamol.

Speaker 35 Do you?

Speaker 17 Yeah.

Speaker 82 You like the medicine? I like medicine.

Speaker 141 You like medicine?

Speaker 154 Yeah, because it's making you better.

Speaker 103 You can't argue that logic, Rachel.

Speaker 125 You can't, but you honestly like the taste of it, honestly.

Speaker 67 I don't mind.

Speaker 84 I see what you mean, like the, with the fizzy water, and sometimes that soluble paracetamol almost makes water taste milky.

Speaker 70 Do you know what I mean?

Speaker 180 It's sort of a little bit gross.

Speaker 103 If there was some medicine that you had to just eat recreationally, just like you don't need it to get better, but you've got to eat it.

Speaker 125 Funny enough, when I was younger, I used to...

Speaker 120 hit the cowpot up.

Speaker 54 I did.

Speaker 27 Yeah.

Speaker 120 Even if I didn't have a headache, in case I got one, I would hit the cowpot.

Speaker 16 Oh, what's on I had a sound.

Speaker 182 Just in case, yeah.

Speaker 125 Always thinking ahead.

Speaker 183 So you might, just because it was delicious.

Speaker 19 Most of us would just wanted to hit Glogg.

Speaker 171 Well, it was that as well.

Speaker 160 It was, wasn't it?

Speaker 185 Yeah.

Speaker 186 And it's addictive, I think.

Speaker 49 Yeah.

Speaker 120 I mean, I... As a parent, that cowpole is epic.

Speaker 50 Cowpole urofen, yeah, as a parent now.

Speaker 179 Always got it on the go, yeah.

Speaker 159 Yes, my God.

Speaker 27 Is it still as good?

Speaker 125 I don't taste it anymore.

Speaker 120 Oh, you mean the flavour?

Speaker 187 You must be tempted, Rachel.

Speaker 186 Do you know what? I'm not.

Speaker 185 What? I'm not.

Speaker 188 No, I'm over it. I'm over it.
I'm moved on from there.

Speaker 48 I'll have a little shot of cattle polls.

Speaker 74 I just want to see if it tastes as good as you remember, surely.

Speaker 84 Next time you will.

Speaker 2 Now you've said that, that'll be in your head.

Speaker 104 Yeah.

Speaker 144 Do you not want to admit it on this podcast?

Speaker 3 Are you worried there'd be like a controversy if it's cute?

Speaker 54 You have some now.

Speaker 63 I've been stung by that in the past.

Speaker 56 I don't want to bring it up, but like, do you remember that?

Speaker 54 That was great. Well, wasn't it?

Speaker 92 I was the right age as well.

Speaker 23 I'd come up with S-Club.

Speaker 103 And then when that happened, I was like, they're still cool split club seven

Speaker 93 or walking past a cop car absolute legends yeah absolute legends blazing up outside of the rozes right so blatant yeah yeah i don't think cowpole would have we were busy us girls were just minding our own business yeah you know working hard yeah and they were just you know unbelievable unbelievable they get telling off or what modern guys

Speaker 70 do you want that water from the hotel that lemon mint and uh do you want that as your that's that's reserved that's reserved for the hotel lobby if you don't want this for your dream no you just drink water like you say plain jane this just yeah plain still water which i'd love to hear you say to someone in a restaurant by the way when they come over to take your order just go i'm a plain jane yeah i'm a plain jane

Speaker 161 like a bag of carrots

Speaker 193 and a chicken wrap grilled chicken wrap nothing on it

Speaker 158 that's me plain jane that's what they call me mcdonald's yeah do you ever go crazy and put the carrots in the in the wrap ed cut this is not sodom and Gomorrah.

Speaker 153 Cut this.

Speaker 59 What the hell are you talking about?

Speaker 23 This is my dollars at one in the morning after Bill of Gig.

Speaker 98 You're not sitting in that, are you?

Speaker 103 No, I'm not sitting in.

Speaker 103 I'm eating them in the Uber if the driver permits me.

Speaker 103 If the driver permits me.

Speaker 141 Hang on. So you ask.

Speaker 81 Have you ever eaten in an Uber Finn?

Speaker 193 No, I'm not a psychopath.

Speaker 27 What? Yes.

Speaker 112 Why can't you eat in an Uber?

Speaker 154 Well, because you're in the Uber.

Speaker 158 What's your rating if you're eating an Uber's?

Speaker 196 What is it generally?

Speaker 103 What's the kind of average Uber rating

Speaker 50 for me?

Speaker 103 Well,

Speaker 103 I was right up in the high fours for ages, like

Speaker 51 bobbing around the fives and then frigging.

Speaker 23 I left Nish Kumar in it and let him carry on

Speaker 50 in my Uber to get to his house.

Speaker 144 And he made the Uber driver stop at an M ⁇ S

Speaker 50 friggin service station and then the Uber driver marked us down and I was right down in the low fours and I thought who cares?

Speaker 19 I'm going to start eating my carrots.

Speaker 38 Yeah.

Speaker 151 Nish compromised my score.

Speaker 135 Is it possible to like be in the twos before your uber just gets taken off whatever?

Speaker 193 Surely, no, no one's ever been under like a four point like eight.

Speaker 18 Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Speaker 70 I feel like that's because no one's gonna make it show up, but they can see your

Speaker 86 minute.

Speaker 85 Yeah, yeah, we'll check ours in the minute.

Speaker 84 The worst thing is, is now you can look at the more specific statistics, so you can see how many like fives and ones you've got and stuff.

Speaker 193 All right, oh, that's worse than I thought. Okay, mine's worse than I thought.

Speaker 137 Yeah, four point eight four.

Speaker 19 Ooh, that's pretty bad. bad.

Speaker 149 I'm just going to give a deal for

Speaker 50 4.78.

Speaker 80 Finn. What?

Speaker 11 4.84.

Speaker 200 Hey, all right.

Speaker 193 I feel like a 4.84 is usually

Speaker 193 just because sometimes I'm late.

Speaker 86 Oh,

Speaker 63 I'm 4.78 here.

Speaker 137 Yeah, boy. How is that happening to me?

Speaker 61 Little carrot boy.

Speaker 139 Oh, yeah, it's because I'm eating the carrot.

Speaker 201 I just had to pick up this fucking carrot boy.

Speaker 96 It's like the Uber drivers are.

Speaker 202 you know, they're coming together.

Speaker 72 I'm scrolling down here. There's a load of fives.

Speaker 103 Actually, I think this is what I've given them.

Speaker 16 Yeah. Yeah.

Speaker 135 You're desperate for this, for you to get a five.

Speaker 52 So you're just... God damn it.

Speaker 132 Yeah.

Speaker 134 Well, bit of a shame, James.

Speaker 57 That is a shame.

Speaker 203 I do love sparkling, like a refreshing sparkling water, especially with a lot of bubbles, like a topochico.

Speaker 204 How many bubbles are in a topo chico?

Speaker 203 That's like a contest at a state fair where they

Speaker 203 and the one that comes closest, you would get like a pig to take out.

Speaker 203 I couldn't tell you the actual number, but I would say a lot.

Speaker 205 Millions. Millions.
Yeah.

Speaker 203 It's actually, it's come out that that's unhealthy. There's actually something in there that's not good for you.

Speaker 149 I don't think I've had topochico before.

Speaker 72 I haven't had topo chico. I've never heard of it.

Speaker 203 It's quite good. Next time you come to America, check it out.

Speaker 50 Should I just have it straight away in the airport?

Speaker 203 Oh, yes, right when you land.

Speaker 86 Yeah, yeah. Yeah.

Speaker 50 And then

Speaker 23 down it in one in the middle of the airport and then shout.

Speaker 74 I love topochico really loud.

Speaker 50 Is that how I should do it?

Speaker 70 Yes,

Speaker 203 that's how they do it there what do you imagine the people of the sparkling mortar lobby what do you imagine they look like and how many are there oh that's interesting well i think they're well dressed i feel like the sparkling lobby are well dressed like a crisp white shirt maybe a black a blazer suit jacket glass signature glass statement glasses on a few like really round glasses round yeah

Speaker 203 where you're thinking like you're right shaped like bubbles yeah or like they could be could be architects they want to think of themselves as creatives Yeah.

Speaker 131 Yeah.

Speaker 148 I'm imagining loads of them as well.

Speaker 203 Oh, you're imagining loads. I was I was imagining like just five.
Oh, okay.

Speaker 203 But you're imagining like it's are there actually like bubbles just kind of just I wasn't daring to imagine anything yet because I wanted I know it's come from you.

Speaker 140 Oh, yeah.

Speaker 66 I was imagining like a small group that has a very powerful inordinate amount of power.

Speaker 24 Yeah.

Speaker 203 Where we're just thinking like, wow, these five people have really changed the way that we drink water. Yeah.

Speaker 203 And, you know, and then there's just one person that's wearing like a colorful tie, and that's the person that adds the flavor to the sparkling water.

Speaker 86 Yeah, yeah.

Speaker 203 You know, just

Speaker 203 a guy with like red glasses and like some like socks that are a little wacky.

Speaker 23 Yeah.

Speaker 98 Yeah.

Speaker 203 And he's, he was the first guy that said, what if we added a little raspberry to this?

Speaker 208 He's like the isomer's like the Steve Wozniak of the Greek man.

Speaker 88 He's the Wozniak.

Speaker 59 Yeah. He's the Woz.

Speaker 63 Yeah.

Speaker 210 Yeah.

Speaker 208 Like he's coming up with a lot of stuff, but like he's getting screwed.

Speaker 208 Yeah. And there's like a lot of other people who are taking the credit.

Speaker 203 He's going to write that book though that we're yeah he's the disruptor yeah it's gonna be an apple tv series yeah definitely oh the podcast version

Speaker 50 the limited series i can't wait

Speaker 212 also i'm a bit tense now for the podcast because i don't know if you noticed but there's a point there where ed said they would have round glasses and then i said uh round like bubbles and then it was like yep that's what i meant and listen We're putting a good face on it now, but when you leave, that's going to be a blazing row.

Speaker 159 It's going to be really bad.

Speaker 85 I set them up for

Speaker 149 the cleverer listeners, and then you make it clear for some of the stupider listeners.

Speaker 151 We always start with still or sparkling water.

Speaker 103 Do you have a preference?

Speaker 214 And then, and there would be the little sound effect you add later.

Speaker 215 Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Speaker 87 Then you would add a little sound effect.

Speaker 143 Or if you want, you can make your own sound effects now, and we can put them in instead for this episode.

Speaker 122 Okay.

Speaker 135 So for the

Speaker 216 stiller sparkling, is it like the sound of a glass?

Speaker 72 It's poured in, right? I think, yeah.

Speaker 216 It's like something pouring into a glass.

Speaker 122 Yeah.

Speaker 1 If it's like

Speaker 216 like no that's too like hammy i'm not trying i'm actually not trying to ham it up it'd be like

Speaker 216 i don't know

Speaker 154 because you know how it like goes from like low to high as like the glass gets filled it's like

Speaker 74 it gets a big pitch

Speaker 194 maybe just like

Speaker 147 would be yeah that's good yeah not only squeezed it yeah not only do i think we should use that sound effect for your episode i think we should use it for the next as well.

Speaker 104 Yeah.

Speaker 9 And who's the next?

Speaker 24 Well, no idea, but they're in for a treat.

Speaker 151 Well, let's start. We always start with still or sparkling water.

Speaker 80 Ah, still.

Speaker 217 Still water.

Speaker 119 I can't drink sparkling because I believe it's regular water that the Illuminati farted in.

Speaker 61 Illuminati fatty?

Speaker 154 Illuminati fatty.

Speaker 61 Yeah, I had an Illuminati fatty party.

Speaker 96 Yeah, exactly.

Speaker 56 Yes, you know.

Speaker 190 You know.

Speaker 188 I've been telling people for a long time.

Speaker 27 Wake up, sheeple.

Speaker 54 Wake up.

Speaker 213 And don't eat broccoli.

Speaker 27 It's man-made.

Speaker 86 Yeah.

Speaker 61 Broccoli's man-made?

Speaker 108 Yeah, it is.

Speaker 188 It's not real.

Speaker 137 Yeah.

Speaker 218 It's not real.

Speaker 179 What are your sources for the broccoli's man-made?

Speaker 16 Google it now.

Speaker 16 Broccoli is a man-made.

Speaker 85 But what do you mean by man-made?

Speaker 55 It comes out of the ground, right?

Speaker 70 It does now.

Speaker 153 Interesting.

Speaker 70 But so were you saying it's been like synthesized in a lab?

Speaker 16 It was made in the lab by a bunch of labor

Speaker 153 trying to turn us into communists.

Speaker 80 Wake up.

Speaker 27 God damn it. I'm willing to wake up.

Speaker 218 I just need to know what I'm waking up.

Speaker 197 The truth is out there, sheeple.

Speaker 51 So Belito's googled broccoli man-made. Yeah.

Speaker 23 Top hit, is broccoli man-made? Contrary to the claims of some skeptics, broccoli is not a genetically modified or man-made vegetable.

Speaker 209 It is...

Speaker 87 a naturally occurring plant that belongs to the same family as kale cabbage and cauliflower.

Speaker 54 Lies!

Speaker 188 Lies!

Speaker 218 He switched it before I came here because he knew.

Speaker 213 I thought you would understand.

Speaker 70 I thought there was a chance.

Speaker 57 But now we've got backgarden.org

Speaker 172 is the answer

Speaker 204 in 2020, December 2020, and it was updated this year.

Speaker 103 Is broccoli man-made?

Speaker 87 And they are saying, the short answer is, yes, broccoli is man-made.

Speaker 71 Broccoli, as we know it, did not always exist as a plant, but was created by humans for an extensive process.

Speaker 23 It is not known exactly how many years ago broccoli emerged, but it is believed that early varieties of this plant appeared more than 2,000 years ago.

Speaker 103 That's Jesus' times. Yeah.

Speaker 132 But no, that's post-Jesus actually went to Puppet.

Speaker 103 This is like 20 years after Jesus. They made broccoli.

Speaker 50 Do you think that's a coincidence, Phil?

Speaker 185 No.

Speaker 220 I told you people the truth is out there.

Speaker 48 You don't trust broccoli because it's man-made, and you don't trust sparkling water because it was made at an Illuminati fatty party.

Speaker 219 And it makes you get sharti.

Speaker 141 So it's got to be still water all the way.

Speaker 132 It's got to be.

Speaker 223 Now you're drinking a seven up there.

Speaker 134 Who's done a farty in that?

Speaker 219 What you need to understand

Speaker 78 is that to help the sheep,

Speaker 219 you must become like a wolf, but still be among the sheep.

Speaker 187 You must be a sheepdog.

Speaker 132 Sheepdog. I'm deep undercover, bro.
Okay.

Speaker 86 Yeah.

Speaker 128 I'm trying to find how they think.

Speaker 183 So you know that you're drinking farts right now.

Speaker 219 Synthesized farts.

Speaker 137 Yeah.

Speaker 219 Because it comes with a flavor.

Speaker 137 Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Speaker 220 But water on its own,

Speaker 220 with gas in it? Yeah. That's an affront to God.

Speaker 219 Could you imagine it raining sparkling water?

Speaker 24 I quite like that, actually.

Speaker 217 You deviant.

Speaker 27 Fizzy water.

Speaker 154 Fizzy rain.

Speaker 50 So acid rain.

Speaker 224 Yeah, I'd love that. Bad.

Speaker 219 That just sounds like a very, very bad remix of a print song.

Speaker 86 Fizzy rain.

Speaker 219 To be honest, every remix or cover of a print song is bad.

Speaker 50 Yeah.

Speaker 219 And done by the Illuminati and pharma companies.

Speaker 132 So you think big pharma are covering Prince Songs and putting them out.

Speaker 23 What's the aim there? They're trying to devalue his legacy.

Speaker 185 I've said too much.

Speaker 131 You know who invented broccoli?

Speaker 152 A big farmer.

Speaker 132 Now,

Speaker 50 Ed doesn't do jokes like that very often, Abil.

Speaker 137 What do you think of me doing a proper?

Speaker 219 I'm telling that he's trying to cover things up.

Speaker 73 Yeah, yeah.

Speaker 168 A big farmer. Do you understand?

Speaker 36 So

Speaker 211 it's I've changed the meaning of farmer.

Speaker 131 It's been.

Speaker 80 I'm well aware of which thing

Speaker 219 I think. You'll find for a profession.
I am.

Speaker 69 Listen,

Speaker 225 you're stealing the truth.

Speaker 80 Yeah.

Speaker 69 You're stealing the truth.

Speaker 88 I'm willing to believe that sparkling water has Illuminatis Fartis in it.

Speaker 29 I am.

Speaker 152 And I, you know, still

Speaker 2 water is the way to go.

Speaker 219 I'll just check it to see if that water fizzes, brother.

Speaker 85 No, that's that's still water.

Speaker 227 And he's drinking a glass of water at the minute.

Speaker 50 And the bill's got his eyes firmly glued to the glass. Yeah.

Speaker 154 We'll get you still watering marriage.

Speaker 101 You must stay focused, my brothers.

Speaker 220 You must defocus.

Speaker 170 Oh,

Speaker 170 some lovely clips.

Speaker 111 Glug, glug, glug.

Speaker 72 Now, always one of our favorite segments of the best of is characters.

Speaker 9 We love it when guests come up with characters, especially when those characters are scrolling the prawn and little shitbag.

Speaker 32 Here's Sir Sha Monica Jackson, Noel Fielding, Michelle DeSwartz, Reece Nicholson, Peter Capaldi, Hamid Anna Mashawn, Danny Dyer, and again, Sir Sha Monica Jackson.

Speaker 137 The Langosteens.

Speaker 80 How many of them are?

Speaker 107 I don't want to be too full for my mains, so I'll go with four.

Speaker 103 Now, are you having to peel those and stuff and do any admin with them?

Speaker 107 I like that, again, I find that ceremonious, is the word. Yeah, yeah.

Speaker 107 I like that, and I like ticking their wee legs apart, their wee sex packs.

Speaker 69 Yeah.

Speaker 107 And getting those wee bad boys out.

Speaker 152 Yeah, I've never thought of a Langosteen as buff before, but now period.

Speaker 27 Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Speaker 107 You know, early on, when me and and Hector started going out with each other, we used to come up, it was like during the second lockdown, so it was obviously boring.

Speaker 107 And we um used to come up with these wee characters in our heads that we obviously didn't just keep singularly and not speak out loud, but to come up together and we used to like do the voices for them.

Speaker 107 And two characters was called Scrawling the Prawn and Little Shitbag. So I was Little Shitbag and he was Scrawling the Prawn.
And then

Speaker 107 we made, we, yeah, it was only a couple of months, like a month or or two young.

Speaker 107 And then I got an artist to commission a photo, like I described Scroton the Prawn here, of what I imagined Scroton the Prawn to look like, which is like a lovable rogue with a pair of nightcare mics on wear a cap backwards and a chain, smoking a cigarette from a bunch of flowers.

Speaker 89 He's a prawn, right?

Speaker 210 But he's a prawn. Yeah, yeah.

Speaker 49 Scron the prawn.

Speaker 229 And he has a sex pack. He has a six-pack.
Which Naughty Bragg.

Speaker 69 So it's my boyfriend.

Speaker 88 Scrum the prawn.

Speaker 215 There's no way around that.

Speaker 63 Congratulations to it because there's on your sixth pack.

Speaker 107 So I got the roll day. You'd really be in Little Shitbag.

Speaker 156 Talk us through Little Shitbag.

Speaker 107 Little shit bag is a bag of money like what you see in old cartoons, you know, like a bag with a dollar sign. Yeah.
And it's got shit inside it with little stank marks coming up the top.

Speaker 107 And it's always sad. But it's a tiny shit.

Speaker 70 It's full of shit.

Speaker 61 Oh, shit. But it once contained money.

Speaker 107 It's full of anything Scron on the prawn says yeah it wants to contain money you're out yeah so that's that's why it's so sad it knows how good life used to be yeah i mean you might not even know maybe it's a metaphor for like money strikes yeah yeah maybe how did you get how did you get to scroll on the prawn and little shit back it just started like the both of us sat on a sofa looking out a window and then did you never do that with you're like you're sending significant dollars and then you're just like talking in the voice like oh why don't i have no patience i don't have any patience because i don't have any time

Speaker 107 Then we give them like their characters developed and then it became scrolling the prawn and little shitbags.

Speaker 123 COVID, we all had to get through it some way.

Speaker 74 What's little shitbags voice?

Speaker 103 What voice is little shitbags?

Speaker 107 That was sort of little shit. That's little shitbag's voice.

Speaker 99 High-pitched voice.

Speaker 107 Scroll on the prawn is more like scrow and the prawn.

Speaker 231 Party, party, party.

Speaker 48 I loved how you described that going, scrolling the prawns more like scrolling the prawn.

Speaker 175 So scrolling the prawn's obviously scrum on the prawn, you say.

Speaker 153 What's the relationship

Speaker 50 with each other again?

Speaker 232 What do do they think of each other?

Speaker 107 I think that it's sort of like a mirror image, not a rip-off at all in any way of wrecking morty. You know, like where little shitbag is always following scrolling the prawn.
Yeah.

Speaker 107 And scrolling the prawn is just always trying to work things out and making it a disaster. And little shitbag's actually fixing him's mistakes behind him and never getting any glory for it.

Speaker 107 But it's just happy to be there.

Speaker 19 I'd happily watch an animation of Scroll on the Prawn and Little Shitbag.

Speaker 69 Yes. I know, isn't this excellent?

Speaker 107 Nobody better fucking stain the idea anyway.

Speaker 48 I think it'll be pretty clear if they've they've stolen the idea.

Speaker 19 I'd say, as you were talking there and describing their relationship, I did notice a switch from talking about the characters to talking what sounded like your real relationship with your partner.

Speaker 3 You're like, and the little shitbag's always cleaning up scorn and porn messages and never getting any credit for it.

Speaker 233 Yeah, but he's got a sex pack.

Speaker 2 He's got a sex pack so he can put up with some stuff.

Speaker 74 Yeah, yeah.

Speaker 107 Fox check it because he's got a sex mark.

Speaker 70 And I'm full of shit.

Speaker 5 I love this.

Speaker 164 A bag of money that's full of shit.

Speaker 7 A dollar bag that's full of shit.

Speaker 61 That's the cavity you came up with.

Speaker 98 Yeah, I've been to university.

Speaker 220 Yeah, I'm a prawn with a backwards cap.

Speaker 63 I'm a bag of shit.

Speaker 64 Well, I'm going to get through the pandemic somewhere.

Speaker 70 Exactly.

Speaker 88 There's a place in Big Sur.

Speaker 150 I went to America and I went to Big Sur and there was a place where all the beat writers used to eat.

Speaker 150 I I used to eat hamburgers there, Kerouac. Richard Broughtigan used to go there, who's my favourite writer.

Speaker 150 And I just sort of, I was very excited about going to eat somewhere where all these beat writers and cool people had eaten.

Speaker 235 It's called the Nepenthe.

Speaker 150 Nepenthe.

Speaker 150 And it's basically, the view is just mountains. Beautiful place.
And the hamburger is supposedly, everyone just would say, you've got to go there for a hamburger.

Speaker 150 It's the greatest hamburger of all time. And I do quite like hamburgers.

Speaker 152 But so I went there and the waiter came over and I said

Speaker 236 I've heard the hamburgers really good and he literally went well little brother

Speaker 163 we've been making them for 50 years so it should be

Speaker 136 he was like shaggy from scoopy

Speaker 93 gee scoop

Speaker 237 you gotta get the burger he was amazing yeah he was animated i don't know how they did that

Speaker 27 point

Speaker 16 when he suddenly did that you would must have been done by then i was in i was was like, who's this guy?

Speaker 21 And then he was doing it. There were so many people then.

Speaker 150 It was just him.

Speaker 150 He was the only waiter. And he was sort of bobbing about.
And I just kept saying, I don't care about the food. I just want that guy to come back.

Speaker 150 Every time he came back, it was the most amazing experience of my life. And then I did have the burger and it was the greatest burger.

Speaker 231 Amazing.

Speaker 137 Well, it was like, I don't really, you know, like nowadays, they always have very tall burgers, don't they?

Speaker 150 You know, you go into a burger place, gourmet burgers are very tall.

Speaker 45 They're almost like they have to sometimes put that stick in to keep them so they don't topple over.

Speaker 150 And you can't, how do you eat those?

Speaker 69 I don't know what.

Speaker 150 There's too much stuff in there.

Speaker 86 Yeah, I'm not a fan. I quite like the little flat burgers.

Speaker 150 Who's the fella in Popeye? Is it Wimpy?

Speaker 27 Yeah.

Speaker 86 He used to say, I'll gladly pay you Friday for a hamburger today.

Speaker 231 Do you remember?

Speaker 73 Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

Speaker 65 And his hamburgers look nice.

Speaker 61 Yeah.

Speaker 150 He really wanted a Wimpy hamburger.

Speaker 220 Is that was Wimpy named after him?

Speaker 113 It must be.

Speaker 27 Yeah, maybe.

Speaker 24 That can't be a coincidence, can it?

Speaker 88 He was called Wimpy, wasn't he?

Speaker 61 Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

Speaker 132 And he looked like W. C.
Phils.

Speaker 150 He looked drunk as well, didn't he?

Speaker 158 Yeah, yeah.

Speaker 29 I mean, I'd gladly be.

Speaker 19 Yeah, something was going on with him.

Speaker 62 Yeah. If they're done.
Oh, my friend.

Speaker 131 He had a weird way of speaking.

Speaker 50 Yeah.

Speaker 131 Like W. C.

Speaker 231 Phils. Like the waiter.

Speaker 132 Whoa, my friend.

Speaker 150 Oh, the waiter was out of control.

Speaker 162 Whoa, little brother.

Speaker 93 Little brother.

Speaker 169 He had such a good voice.

Speaker 80 I can't believe you there.

Speaker 103 UK comedians, we tend to like, we go abroad, especially America, and like people don't know who we are over there.

Speaker 23 And then you get more character.

Speaker 72 I think you encounter more characters.

Speaker 101 You do.

Speaker 103 But I think here, if you went into a restaurant and they've got a weird waiter,

Speaker 23 do you want to go over to Noel Fielding?

Speaker 103 No, I'm not doing that.

Speaker 11 I'm too weird.

Speaker 15 You think they're self-aware enough?

Speaker 85 I'm too weird. I'm too weird for Fielding.

Speaker 70 I'll love it.

Speaker 140 They don't care.

Speaker 63 Yeah, it will use it.

Speaker 72 We'll talk about it on a podcast. I'm not going over there.

Speaker 87 Whereas that guy's just like, who's this?

Speaker 57 I don't know who this bloke is.

Speaker 63 Well, brother and like and it's like yeah you get to have that treat again like before you were famous you're like oh this is great i'll get the weird guy

Speaker 150 there was a guy in a restaurant called the gay hussar i think it's closed down now that was in soho and lots of politicians used to go there and and i think they did some deal where if you were in a theatre show in soho or in london you could get a cheap meal before if you were an actor so it was a 60s thing they were famous in the 60s and 70s and it's called the gay Hussar, and it's Polish food, I think.

Speaker 150 And the guy that ran it, the sort of Maitre D,

Speaker 150 was one of the weirdest people of all time. And we used to go there just for him.

Speaker 150 And he would just say obscure things like a stand-up and then just leave and just hover over to your table and go, Excuse me, what?

Speaker 219 It says you can get baked beans here.

Speaker 150 And he'd go, what's that about? And he'd go,

Speaker 236 Well, if you're interested in the greatest baked beans of all time, then this is definitely a dish that I would recommend.

Speaker 240 And then he'd just leave.

Speaker 235 And then he'd say really weird stuff.

Speaker 236 Like, John Major was in here a few months ago. And I saw him enjoying the beans.

Speaker 150 And then he'd sort of be gone, like he'd be come over and he'd be gone. And then he started talking about, he found a card on the floor, donor, kidney donor card.
And he went, I could never.

Speaker 137 give my organs away

Speaker 50 have you had a meeting with one above his head?

Speaker 137 Probably.

Speaker 222 We've all had those pointless meetings, haven't we?

Speaker 154 Yeah, actually.

Speaker 41 I remember you telling me that

Speaker 41 you went out to LA and just had loads of really good meetings.

Speaker 242 Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Speaker 85 Loads of good meetings.

Speaker 41 Yeah, amazing meetings.

Speaker 71 It's cool to hear what Ed says to like other acts who I've not met.

Speaker 86 Yeah.

Speaker 87 Because me and Michelle met for the first time.

Speaker 75 No, we've met before.

Speaker 27 We haven't met before. Yeah, we have.
I haven't met you. Yeah, we have.

Speaker 188 We've met.

Speaker 182 Do you want me to tell you where?

Speaker 211 You did Clapham Grand.

Speaker 21 That's where we met, actually. Yes, yeah, yeah.

Speaker 96 We met at Clapham Grand, yeah.

Speaker 41 And we met there probably about a year ago.

Speaker 41 And I said that I feel like you are the sort of person that, like, if I love Seinfeld, right?

Speaker 41 And I feel like if there was an episode of Seinfeld where like Kramer was really worried about his cousin coming from England and he didn't think he had anything in common with him, and then the cousin turned up and it was you, yeah, and he spent the whole episode being like, I just can't relate to him.

Speaker 41 And Jerry and George and everyone else was like, What do you mean? It's like, that's you. You are the, it's the British you.

Speaker 89 That is perfect, perfect casting for a start and an absolutely bang on Seinfeld storyline.

Speaker 16 Yeah, and you're totally happy.

Speaker 41 He was also wearing a funky shirt, and then you did, because we just met, you went, why would you say this to me when I'm about to go on stage?

Speaker 110 And then that was our meeting.

Speaker 74 I remember meeting.

Speaker 98 I said, have a good set.

Speaker 70 The last thing you want to do is stand up.

Speaker 27 I remember this.

Speaker 37 You don't want to be compared to Kramer before you go on and do a story.

Speaker 211 Not Kramer, Kramer's long-lost cousin.

Speaker 27 yeah.

Speaker 70 That's what's in your head, right?

Speaker 215 That's what's in your head.

Speaker 60 You're about to walk on.

Speaker 206 And someone who used to be a professional model goes, you look like Kramer.

Speaker 206 And then you walk on.

Speaker 101 Yeah.

Speaker 41 Have a good set doing new material.

Speaker 125 You're going to crash it.

Speaker 110 Yeah.

Speaker 41 I've got to stay and watch.

Speaker 27 I'm a big fan. Yeah.

Speaker 41 And do you know what is what? I think you went straight on stage and then dropped your mic.

Speaker 93 So yeah, it was vibes. Yeah, I think I did.

Speaker 159 Deliberately?

Speaker 125 No, in Kramer fashion.

Speaker 54 Coming through the door of the shelves. Yeah.

Speaker 211 You went to catch it and dropped it.

Speaker 243 It was wicked.

Speaker 98 Yeah, totally.

Speaker 159 Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Speaker 172 I definitely went on.

Speaker 92 Yeah, threw it in the air.

Speaker 27 Yeah, and tried to catch it, dropped it. Yeah.

Speaker 52 Started myself.

Speaker 35 So how do you not remember that you've met Michelle Brown? Well, I do.

Speaker 70 This sounds quite eventful.

Speaker 140 Yeah, I know.

Speaker 144 Well, clearly what had happened is I just got to the venue just in time.

Speaker 5 I was about to go on.

Speaker 206 Someone I'd never met absolutely got in my head. I went on and dropped my mic.

Speaker 86 My brain has clearly tried to wipe this from my mic.

Speaker 200 You know what?

Speaker 41 When I watched it, I went, see, that's a proper Kramer move.

Speaker 179 That's a proper.

Speaker 74 Yeah, yeah.

Speaker 18 I mean, that didn't didn't help, yeah, probably didn't help me figure out if I could just drop the mic just like Kramer.

Speaker 206 Yeah, actually, that's not what Kramer would do on stage, and I'm glad.

Speaker 16 Yeah, thanks.

Speaker 22 I didn't go that far.

Speaker 41 Well, this is why I said long lost cousin, long lost cousin.

Speaker 74 Yeah, yeah, yeah, it's definitely vivid stuff.

Speaker 37 That's what I was hinting at earlier, but I just thought I'd let it ride out.

Speaker 27 Yeah, yeah.

Speaker 210 Yeah, fried chicken burger and just not bonkers.

Speaker 246 Like, I don't want, you go to those kind of burger places now, and it's like,

Speaker 39 back in my day, it was just chicken and coleslaw.

Speaker 27 But, um, like, I want some pickles on there.

Speaker 73 I love that guy.

Speaker 197 That's Jeff. Yeah, it's got me.

Speaker 57 Come in here.

Speaker 192 Have you some

Speaker 192 Jeff Tata?

Speaker 63 I love it.

Speaker 202 His brain's rushing a million miles an hour, but it's not to get anywhere to it.

Speaker 197 A lot of urgency, but nothing's going on.

Speaker 63 Beautiful. You brought a kid.

Speaker 232 Beautiful.

Speaker 27 Family. Family.

Speaker 50 Just an odd man who is desperately trying to appear normal.

Speaker 181 Yeah.

Speaker 60 That's why Jeff Tata.

Speaker 50 He knows that it should be lovely that they bought the kids, but he can't really say it.

Speaker 74 It's beautiful.

Speaker 27 Beautiful.

Speaker 27 Family. Oh,

Speaker 61 family never were for Jeff.

Speaker 27 Jeff Tata.

Speaker 85 Jeff had to say tata to that.

Speaker 247 Where's Jeff from?

Speaker 16 None of your business.

Speaker 16 The other one, you don't know.

Speaker 183 That's the one question or Jeff answer.

Speaker 57 No, no, no, no.

Speaker 59 Oh, tata, tata.

Speaker 96 That's his catchphrase. Tata.

Speaker 220 Tata.

Speaker 87 Doesn't talk about his past, Jeff.

Speaker 151 In Jeff Tata, Tata means hello, Uncle Bo.

Speaker 29 I don't know where he's from. No.

Speaker 153 Seems to be a member of the somewhere in the south of America.

Speaker 11 Yeah.

Speaker 232 Yeah, like the deep, like, or the shallow south.

Speaker 62 Not the deep south, just the kind of shallows.

Speaker 71 Oh.

Speaker 248 Paddlet end.

Speaker 61 What do you think he looks like?

Speaker 60 No neck.

Speaker 61 Oh, actually, I imagined like quite a long but horizontal neck.

Speaker 56 Oh, horizontal.

Speaker 60 Yeah, like just completely coming out of his body horizontally with a just

Speaker 71 old potato head on the end. I think he looks like...

Speaker 65 I'll tell you who I'm imagining, actually. I'm just imagining the...

Speaker 147 The foot Christian from Ratatouille.

Speaker 57 No, that would be Peter Ratatouille. Let's go with that.
Yeah.

Speaker 158 Who were you imagining?

Speaker 16 The Peter Falfin family guy.

Speaker 188 Yes! Herbert!

Speaker 86 Herbert the Pervert!

Speaker 137 Yes.

Speaker 202 I imagine he looks, I've started describing a particular type of dad on stage recently, like small dads and I think this is what he looked of like holding up a frog you know I mean like that kind of like round egg body I think that's what Jeff Tutsar very long little legs

Speaker 74 and their wives dress them small dads yeah little dads Jeff Tartar doesn't have a wife though no Jeff Tartar's single there were a lot of people he was there was a lady that owned a flower shop down the street that he was he was always like oh go dad daddy give her some favor go what do you buy a lady that owns a flower shop

Speaker 132 what do you give her a pepsi Max.

Speaker 132 Every day I give her a Pepsi Max.

Speaker 132 Oh, I feel sorry for him now.

Speaker 219 I was largely terrified when I got to a restaurant. But the one restaurant, funnily enough, that wasn't like that, which is ironic, was the old ivy.
And when I say the old ivy, I mean the ivy as was

Speaker 219 before it became a sort of brand.

Speaker 219 And the ivy, for listeners who don't know, was a restaurant that was set, I think it was built in the 20s or something like that, and went through various hands.

Speaker 219 But it was always a kind of show-busy restaurant. It was always actors.
It was actors who went there as opposed to comedians and music hall artists and pando artists.

Speaker 103 It was always actors who went there.

Speaker 219 Vivian Lee and all that, Lauren Selevier and stuff.

Speaker 219 And I always remember going to it and being quite, A, quite scared.

Speaker 219 because you'd look around and there'd be like select and it was like you know Arnold Schwarzenegger would go there and stuff like that and anybody who was embedded would go there but they in fact they treated you so well and so openly.

Speaker 219 I used to always say, I wish I could bring my mother here because they treat my mother wonderfully. Not because she was my mother, but because that was how their staff were.

Speaker 219 They just treated people really well and like they were going to have a good time and they weren't going to be intimidated. I don't mean the staff was saying, you're not going to intimidate me.

Speaker 219 I mean, the staff were not intimidating their customers.

Speaker 9 Yeah, they were offering tap water.

Speaker 219 They were a place that was one of those days that you just took whatever you just got a a bottle of water. That wasn't really.
Because Pierre had just been invented

Speaker 219 as a brand. And that may have existed in real life.
Yeah. In France somewhere.

Speaker 27 But

Speaker 27 sparkling water was new on the side.

Speaker 137 Sparkling hadn't just been invented. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Speaker 103 Can either of you do a good Schwarzenegger impression, Arnie?

Speaker 224 Because I keep on thinking,

Speaker 218 not even letting you finish the request.

Speaker 86 No.

Speaker 80 No.

Speaker 76 This sounds very funny, him saying the ivy.

Speaker 71 Like, if you imagine Schwarzenegger saying the ivy, I think that would sound funny.

Speaker 24 But the ivy? No, no.

Speaker 185 I can't do it.

Speaker 219 No, let's imagine it.

Speaker 27 Yeah.

Speaker 207 I guess everyone's got to imagine it.

Speaker 249 I've always imagined Mr.

Speaker 246 Kipling as, like, Colonel Sanders, like, cousin or something.

Speaker 185 Yeah.

Speaker 185 Yeah.

Speaker 88 His, like, English cousin. Yeah.

Speaker 91 Just like, not the white hair and the white beard, but like a brunette.

Speaker 51 So like a brunette, Colonel Sanders, a little bit younger, but they're cousins.

Speaker 79 A little bit younger, yeah.

Speaker 144 They're cousins.

Speaker 23 Do they keep in touch?

Speaker 11 Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Speaker 24 From like, from like Cornwall or something.

Speaker 86 And what what what's their opinion of each other what does um kipton think of sanders i think they get on i think they get on yeah yeah yeah i think they get on i think there's like oh i'm glad you're doing well and i was like you two

Speaker 240 i guess there's no competition between them right no because they're different as much as they're in the same industry this it's it's different you know he's doing fried chicken and he's doing cakes

Speaker 140 And like,

Speaker 19 you know, Sanders is a veteran as well.

Speaker 27 Oh, yeah, he's been around for

Speaker 40 a long time.

Speaker 61 But he's like, he served in wars and he's a colonel.

Speaker 99 Yeah, Colonel Sanders.

Speaker 155 So, like, you know, Kipling is just a bloke, just Mr. Kipling.

Speaker 28 Yeah, but Kipling's age, I'd imagine he was maybe in World War II, maybe.

Speaker 224 Do you think?

Speaker 52 Well, then I think it would be called something like Captain Kipling's cakes, but it's not.

Speaker 103 It's called Mr.

Speaker 212 Kipling.

Speaker 119 Yeah, that's true. That's not a title.

Speaker 27 Yeah.

Speaker 76 You know, I think he was a conscientious.

Speaker 132 objector. Oh, really?

Speaker 137 Yeah.

Speaker 84 See, I've just realised that when I imagine Mr. Kipling, I imagine David Attenborough.

Speaker 175 Oh, yeah. Oh, okay.
That's mad, isn't it?

Speaker 147 But I do just imagine David Attenborough.

Speaker 102 Yeah. So that is what you think of Kipling.

Speaker 72 Do you think of Mr. Kipling?

Speaker 24 Yeah.

Speaker 86 I think of more of

Speaker 92 an over-the-shoulder shot of

Speaker 16 his hands and stuff.

Speaker 87 But I can't ever see his face.

Speaker 183 Yeah.

Speaker 164 I can just see him maybe

Speaker 3 making some cake, or writing a letter, actually, to Colonel Sanders, maybe.

Speaker 208 But I can't really picture.

Speaker 164 Every time I try and get around and see his face, I can't really see it.

Speaker 111 I know. I can see his face so clearly.

Speaker 111 He's standing

Speaker 240 he's he's standing on the edge like you know those you know those white cliffs in devon yeah in devon it's devon dover i think it's dover he's standing there

Speaker 185 and he has like long like up to his shoulders so it's quite long brown hair wow with like a goatee wow and a cigar oh that's like a monocle that's whoa yeah do you know what i mean with like a three-piece suit

Speaker 220 and he's just going huh

Speaker 49 Yeah.

Speaker 29 I don't know.

Speaker 50 I'm really glad you asked the question.

Speaker 84 How do you imagine Mr. Kipling?

Speaker 37 Because that was all ready to go.

Speaker 70 You've thought about it.

Speaker 86 You knew what he looked like.

Speaker 250 It's difficult because most of the characters in it are very unlikable. They're like succession.

Speaker 250 But you can't stop watching them.

Speaker 250 But with Freddy, he's lovely. He's a teddy bear with a bite.
You know what I mean? And also, I speak a bit of Japanese innit,

Speaker 222 which is, which is,

Speaker 250 it's worth tuning in just for that. Yeah.

Speaker 250 And it took a long time to learn this little bit I've got, you know, because I like to have a geezer on WhatsApp. Because it's all phonetics in it.
You can't write it down. Yeah.

Speaker 250 So I have to keep listening to it. And I'm on the blow.
I got the ump, and also I'm speaking Japanese with the ump.

Speaker 115 Yeah.

Speaker 250 And that's an energy.

Speaker 85 Yeah. So, but I love it, man.

Speaker 250 It's a great thing. I had a moustache for six months, which I broke it to my kids and they cried.
Obviously, there's call runs and stuff. And then, and interestingly,

Speaker 250 and then interestingly,

Speaker 250 they grew to love it. And then when I got rid of it, they were really upset.

Speaker 250 So I pulled it out of the bag and I had a bit of oil, a bit of oil, you know, sort of brushing it and stuff.

Speaker 180 Little tash brush.

Speaker 132 Oh, that's nice.

Speaker 250 And it's always nice to know you can grow one.

Speaker 11 Yeah. Yeah.

Speaker 175 I think that's why I've done it.

Speaker 250 Well, I was going to say, I love the look. You've gone for this sort of

Speaker 250 musketeer vibe.

Speaker 1 Yeah, that's my wife's least favourite bit.

Speaker 86 Yeah, well, well, yeah, I think

Speaker 250 it rounds it off nicely.

Speaker 55 Thank you very much. Yeah, it balances it.

Speaker 27 It does balance, yeah.

Speaker 76 It's not just a tash. Yeah.

Speaker 250 So you go, he's got a moustache, but it ain't just a tash. He's got more about it.

Speaker 111 It's a look.

Speaker 245 Yeah, yeah. It's a strong look.

Speaker 250 And when you've got a tash, is what I've noticed, you notice other people with tashes and you do the tash nod.

Speaker 197 It's odd.

Speaker 172 But I think nowadays I think the tash is quite cool.

Speaker 250 And I think if you can grow a nice one, you can bowl around with it. You know, you look a bit edgy, you know what I mean?

Speaker 250 And also for me now, because I had a wig on and I had a moustache, it means I'm a versatile actor, even though I'm still a Cockney. Yeah.
And I don't care what they say.

Speaker 250 You know, you look at me and go, okay, that's a different character. Yeah.

Speaker 63 Yeah.

Speaker 146 So you can do Cockney with a tash.

Speaker 175 Cockney without a tash.

Speaker 250 You know, and it was all my own because other people, unfortunately, couldn't grow them.

Speaker 90 I won't, I won't name them.

Speaker 250 And so they had to have the stick on ones, which is a nightmare. You know, every time you smile, you know, one sticks up at the end, you've got the makeup, just constantly dabbing it down with glue.

Speaker 250 I was just bowling around with a nice, shiny, sort of oily tash, you know.

Speaker 134 Do you think the people with fake tashes do a fake tash nod?

Speaker 16 Yeah, I think they probably do because they're in pain.

Speaker 250 It's quite a painful process. I mean, once I got my wig on,

Speaker 250 I did look a little bit like Bob Carolge's, which I don't know. I mean, that's a throwback.

Speaker 152 You know, not ideal, really, Bob Carolge's.

Speaker 250 Although I'm sure he was a lovely geezer. Yeah, yeah.
You know,

Speaker 250 he's, you know, you're the nutty puppet. I mean, I mean, he did gob at people and stuff.

Speaker 250 But good back in the day, you know, and he ate, they loved all that, didn't they? Yeah.

Speaker 22 Yeah, you love spice.

Speaker 154 Yeah. I love spice.
You're adding spice to everything.

Speaker 19 You've got a spicy drink.

Speaker 107 Yeah.

Speaker 23 You add your Tabasco on your...

Speaker 2 There's three types of Tabasco.

Speaker 52 Three types of Tabasco on those stars.

Speaker 23 You've got some spicy dips for the Poppadums.

Speaker 248 And the lamb, you're like, I'd add chimichuri on the side of that.

Speaker 103 You're wanting to spice everything up.

Speaker 107 Yeah, and do you know what? England really done that for me. When I first moved here, I couldn't even eat hot Doritos.

Speaker 107 And through the cultural landscape of this country, I have really went up on the spiceometer. No, I would say I'm like the most hardcore at all.
My friends know with spice.

Speaker 103 How do they all look up to to you?

Speaker 107 Sometimes I'd be scared.

Speaker 107 I'd be scared to cook for them in case it's too spicy but they are like oh my god Siria you can take so much spice. Oh god Siria,

Speaker 107 you know there's no nothing you can't handle.

Speaker 27 I hear that quite a lot.

Speaker 107 Sir you're on fire.

Speaker 50 How's little shit bag with spice?

Speaker 113 Not good at it.

Speaker 68 Little shit bag handle spice.

Speaker 107 No, IBS, just like. Yeah.

Speaker 107 You don't want little shit bag to like or cry.

Speaker 210 Little shit bag keeps it all battled up.

Speaker 10 As a little shitbag should.

Speaker 107 As a little shitbag should. I mean, it snaps every once in a while.

Speaker 175 The bag snaps.

Speaker 107 Yeah, no, little shit actually snaps. You can't take it anymore.

Speaker 172 Oh, I thought you meant the bag snaps open. Loads of shit bags.

Speaker 27 No, no, no, no.

Speaker 107 No,

Speaker 107 he's never opened up.

Speaker 96 Right. Yeah.

Speaker 118 Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Speaker 171 He keeps it all inside. Yeah.

Speaker 107 He keeps it all inside.

Speaker 132 Yeah, sometimes he snaps.

Speaker 137 That's not scrolling the prawn or anyone.

Speaker 107 He'll just like, he'll like float up and smack him across the face and then come back down again. That'll be the end of episode.

Speaker 2 Big revelation that Little Shipbag can float.

Speaker 107 Little Shipbag only floats. Little Shipbag's got no legs.
It hovers with a shadow below him.

Speaker 50 It's good that we know that, though. Yeah.

Speaker 70 So curious

Speaker 44 what I was thinking.

Speaker 86 Oh, God.

Speaker 224 I love Little Shipbag.

Speaker 50 I know. So cute.

Speaker 147 I think Little Shipbag would be my favourite character in the cartoon, but I'd appreciate that Scroll on the Braun has to be there for the dynamic.

Speaker 102 If you had to invent characters for Ed and I to be in this world,

Speaker 146 cameos in the first place.

Speaker 16 You'd be a duck.

Speaker 166 The quickest. I was not expecting that.

Speaker 81 Straight away, Sir James.

Speaker 188 You'd be a duck.

Speaker 107 You'd be a duck for sure with really, really long legs and a tiny wee body.

Speaker 80 What's his name?

Speaker 247 Flapper.

Speaker 86 Flapper.

Speaker 63 Flapper.

Speaker 140 Yeah, Flapper the Duck.

Speaker 154 Flapper the Duck with really long legs and the tiny wee body.

Speaker 61 Yeah, I love it.

Speaker 107 And you'd be a ruler.

Speaker 56 A ruler?

Speaker 122 Just a ruler.

Speaker 129 Just a little ruler called

Speaker 107 Shumpy.

Speaker 96 Shumpy the ruler.

Speaker 123 Because I think you're like urban but measured.

Speaker 232 Yeah, that's why.

Speaker 86 Like a ruler. Like a ruler.

Speaker 27 Oh, I'm glad I'm a ruler, actually.

Speaker 88 Yeah, and I'm glad you didn't think of that as quickly as you thought of James being a duck.

Speaker 215 Yeah.

Speaker 118 A ruler and a duck walking around together.

Speaker 107 Give your wee duck head the exact same hairstyle that you have now.

Speaker 83 Good.

Speaker 221 Yeah, that's good.

Speaker 156 Very generous of you to refer to this as a style. Yeah.

Speaker 63 Literally, done nothing to it today, so whatever this is, I don't even know what it's doing.

Speaker 107 Do not go on and ask for anything specific in the hairdressers.

Speaker 164 I'd say, give me what we did last time, and then every now and again, I'll put something in it.

Speaker 5 Today is not one of those days.

Speaker 224 I've just woke up.

Speaker 69 I think it looks like a great cut, though.

Speaker 24 Yeah, it's a good fit at the top.

Speaker 38 Oh, yeah. Shout out to the person who cut it.

Speaker 107 Hey, did you ever have a nike tech shaved under your head no i didn't funnily enough do i come across did you no i didn't know that was a big thing and dirty naked added us and shaved under the side of boy's heads and all the gears like oh look hey he's got his new night tick on

Speaker 86 the girls loved it yeah capitalism

Speaker 107 so it was a good thing so girls liked the night tick yeah you were and did the night tick it was around the spice boy era

Speaker 42 It was part of it, really.

Speaker 107 Quantessential, did it? And all the gears had diamonds in their teeth. It was such a a trendy time, wasn't it? And that's all coming back in now.

Speaker 222 Yeah, it's coming back in actually.

Speaker 29 I might get a night tick.

Speaker 229 You should bring it back.

Speaker 112 I should get a night tick.

Speaker 107 How do you think your wife would react if you came home tonight, but you still had the same thickness

Speaker 107 and fluff at the side of all the rest there, but just you had to shave just one patch out and just do the night check at the side? How do you think she would react?

Speaker 107 If you didn't tell her and you came in from the side of your side and then you just went to bed that night and you went, oh, and you lay over and night check the head.

Speaker 86 Yeah, good night.

Speaker 6 Good night.

Speaker 15 She's still not noticing.

Speaker 37 I bet she wouldn't notice and I'd have to say good night to draw attention to it.

Speaker 50 Region.

Speaker 87 Constantly doing that in the mornings doesn't notice.

Speaker 166 Nice to see you.

Speaker 63 Yeah, nice to see you too, Addie there.

Speaker 15 Sig and Monica Jackson really does have a lot of characters.

Speaker 220 Man, I forgot we were duck and ruler.

Speaker 13 We We had our first wrestler on the podcast this year and he had a spicy signature move. Let's hear from Will Ospreay.

Speaker 54 Come here.

Speaker 220 That's what wrestlers say. Yeah.

Speaker 151 Do we want to start with still a sparkling water, Will?

Speaker 19 Do you have a preference?

Speaker 86 Still, I can't do sparkling. Yeah.
The Germans love sparkling water.

Speaker 16 I went over there a while ago.

Speaker 86 They love sparkling water, but I'm a still man.

Speaker 148 Yeah, it's almost standard in Germany.

Speaker 10 They absolutely love it.

Speaker 27 The beer's good, though.

Speaker 86 The ultimate sparkling water.

Speaker 16 in a way what what does sparkling water do when you say you can't do it does it have a negative i don't know not a negative effect i just i mean i just don't like it yeah

Speaker 27 so there's my negative effect i think any it produces hatred

Speaker 38 it produces hatred that might be good for wrestling i mean oh now oh now get me in the zone more if i start streaming sparkling water my hatred

Speaker 140 could be a thing

Speaker 144 i'm gonna be i'm probably gonna be pitching a lot to you this episode but i reckon like mid-fight it looks like you're on the ropes look look like you're losing, and then you grab sparkly mortar, and then we're just like, We know what this means, and then you have it, and then you're full of the hate.

Speaker 16 Yeah, it's like your version of taking your straps down or like hulking up, like hulking up, yeah, is it you're right, doing like the Sean Michaels kip up, and then

Speaker 84 just three silent minutes of you chugging two liters of period.

Speaker 197 I don't think I could do two liters

Speaker 72 by the end, and you get the sponsorship in there, yeah, to be fair, yeah.

Speaker 253 And the big burp as well, I feel like it's like, take it, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go,

Speaker 54 go, Yeah, that's funny.

Speaker 62 That's a good defense.

Speaker 168 It's a good defense mechanism.

Speaker 108 Oh, it's gross.

Speaker 54 Yeah, yeah.

Speaker 188 We can smell that right to the back.

Speaker 17 That's a Nando for mate.

Speaker 74 Coming out the other way, it was Nando's, man.

Speaker 105 It was too spicy for me.

Speaker 5 Yeah, respect to Nando's, by the way.

Speaker 117 Yeah, man.

Speaker 122 Come out the other way.

Speaker 84 Well, can I say as well that UNAEW has brought one of the most delightful things, which is listening to American commentators use the phrase cheeky Nando's.

Speaker 253 It is quite funny that of

Speaker 253 Colin now because honestly that was just a thing where I was just like, I just didn't see wrestling as anything more than just like, oh, it's something I do on the weekends.

Speaker 253 I'll call it the cheeky Nando's kick.

Speaker 83 Do you know what I mean?

Speaker 253 Like just having a little laugh with everyone, but like now it's just kind of formulated and now it's just carried on.

Speaker 253 And even to the point where like when I was in Japan and I turned into a bad guy, I remember Kevin Kelly telling me, it was just like, ah, maybe you should like ditch the funny names. And I tried it.

Speaker 253 It didn't work.

Speaker 253 So it's stuck around now.

Speaker 15 Nando's must be absolutely delighted.

Speaker 253 I have never had any talks of them at all. I've only talked to the cashier, that's it.

Speaker 63 I mean, but you tell the cashier, you go, I've got a move called Jay Wars.

Speaker 253 There was a thing ages ago in Romford where, like, a fan was shocked that I was paying for Nando's, and I was just like, Yeah, it's all good, dude.

Speaker 197 And he was like furiously tweeting now.

Speaker 56 Give me the black card,

Speaker 16 it's all right, I've got money, all right.

Speaker 57 I mean, they are cheeky, yeah, that is very

Speaker 74 cheeky of them.

Speaker 16 One day, one day, I hope we can work something out.

Speaker 253 Yeah, like I feel like, because I mean, that's the sole reason why I've signed here. Like, if I don't get a Nando sponsorship at the end of this, I don't know what I've got to do.

Speaker 168 Yeah, you've got to rename all your moves to something on the Nando sponsor.

Speaker 197 Something Perry, yeah.

Speaker 253 If I put them in, like, a figure four leglock, it'll be like the Perry Chicken Fies Leglock. I don't know what.

Speaker 254 It's that time of year again, back to school season.

Speaker 254 And Instacart knows that the only thing harder than getting back into the swing of things is getting all the back-to-school supplies, snacks, and essentials you need.

Speaker 254 So here's your reminder to make your life a little easier this season.

Speaker 254 Shop favorites from Staples, Best Buy, and Costco all delivered through Instacart so that you can get some time back and do whatever it is that you need to get your life back on track.

Speaker 254 Instacart, we're here.

Speaker 13 Now, we got absolutely Derren Browned this year.

Speaker 80 And do you know who else got

Speaker 86 us? Derren Brown.

Speaker 185 It's been erased from my memory.

Speaker 223 And do you know who else got Derren Browned?

Speaker 27 Derren Brown.

Speaker 17 Here's Derren Brown and Derren Brown.

Speaker 193 I was really, really fussy when I was a kid.

Speaker 226 I barely ate anything. I was so proper fussy eater.

Speaker 249 And then when I was at uni, I was in the back of a car, starving, and some the people I was with, they went out and got a pizza and

Speaker 187 called from the shop, do you want sausage on it?

Speaker 249 And I said yes, thinking that meant sausage. And God does, it meant salami.
And salami was an absolute no-no.

Speaker 226 But I was so hungry, but when it came, it was all like, you know, mixed into the cheese and everything.

Speaker 132 So I couldn't pull the salami out.

Speaker 249 So I kind of thought, all right, I'll just have to trick myself that I like salami.

Speaker 256 So I did this thing of, as I was eating it, I, not out loud, but in my head, I was going, mmm, mmm, mmm, and doing that.

Speaker 249 And not giving myself a moment to go, hang on, where's the salami taste? I don't like, where is it? Where is it?

Speaker 131 There it is, I don't like it.

Speaker 249 And it worked and I ate it, it was lovely.

Speaker 128 And then I started doing it with everything.

Speaker 249 And I just wiped out all these things I didn't like by just doing this by going

Speaker 113 in my head

Speaker 132 the only thing it left was mushrooms and blue cheese which I can't stand but you der and brown yourself I derren brown myself at a young age

Speaker 51 are you aware that that's like a sang in you know it's a verb you know your name's a verb right I have yeah are you aware I use it I use it without even realizing the irony I just dering brown that yeah yeah me and James watched um someone try and Darren Brown someone else out of hating a food do you remember oh my my god it was the best

Speaker 205 hell yeah i do remember what happened it was when we were doing um celebrity hunted uh

Speaker 87 and uh it was before we started filming we were all just hanging out in shrewsbury prison was where we started we had like two days in shrewsbury prison for them to just shoot like five seconds of us escaping from the prison but it was such a great two days so we were uh we were with uh the speakmans i don't know if you know the speakmans who work with they're like therapists but they do a lot of work with people around that sort of stuff And they're on this morning quite a lot.

Speaker 2 There's a very funny video of them speaking to a woman who throws up every time she thinks about a custard.

Speaker 24 Right.

Speaker 50 We were also with Bobby Siegel, who was on University Challenge.

Speaker 149 Yes.

Speaker 89 And he didn't like Marmite.

Speaker 233 So they went, right, Bobby?

Speaker 23 Also, for context as well.

Speaker 61 Bobby Siegel is the most positive person you've ever met. He's actively trying to be positive about everything.

Speaker 103 Right.

Speaker 143 And would never in a million years, if someone was doing any sort of like mentalism on him or hypnosis, ever admit if it wasn't working.

Speaker 103 He's a people pleaser.

Speaker 23 Yeah.

Speaker 24 Okay.

Speaker 217 So it was perfect.

Speaker 10 We watched him go through all of these exercises they set up with Marmite of him getting like, now imagine I've got my Marmite here, Bobby.

Speaker 86 What are you going to do?

Speaker 158 Move closer to the Marmite, closer to the Marmite.

Speaker 28 And then he was imagining eating the Marmite.

Speaker 158 And what do you feel about Marmite now, Bobby?

Speaker 137 And he went, yeah, I like it, actually.

Speaker 157 You could tell.

Speaker 70 Total bullshit.

Speaker 106 A bit of the enthusiasm in his face going like, it's good, isn't it, Bobby?

Speaker 27 You You like it, Bobmit?

Speaker 249 And did they then get him to try it for real?

Speaker 89 The next morning at breakfast, they got him to try some Marmite.

Speaker 24 He's like, no, it's nice, yeah.

Speaker 37 And they walked away from the table.

Speaker 89 You could just see him like absolutely guttered that he'd eaten Marmite.

Speaker 86 He was eating it on its own, like he had a pot, and he was putting his finger in

Speaker 76 and just into his mouth.

Speaker 23 So much Marmite that even people who love Marmite wouldn't do that.

Speaker 249 I love Marmite, but even like a tiny bit of it on its own, I have a real, like it really makes me wretched.

Speaker 37 You want to hang out with the Speakmans?

Speaker 86 I think what they did with him, and maybe you can vouch if this would work.

Speaker 61 So they basically said think of a food you love yes and we're putting that over here so they like gestured it's over in this part of the room and as we move this pot of marmite closer to that how do you feel about it yeah and then eat the marmite that was what i remember it being that's a that's an nlp stuff going on right yeah i think there's i remember i cured someone of a cat allergy like that and using a sort of similar thing.

Speaker 135 Just really curious to see if it would work.

Speaker 78 And I say cured, but it was sort of like it definitely worked there and then like because when he was talking about cats before he was even just talking about and thinking about them it was making him sneeze and everything and then um he didn't afterwards so there's that okay you've created like but that's not a real cat yet it's just how you feel differently and then apparently he was better with the cats but i think it didn't really last like you know after a few weeks or a couple months whatever he was back to where he was so really yeah hard to hard to say but does it does have it can have some effect we felt bobby seagull was just being polite i think think Bobby was just being polite.

Speaker 80 What you do is go, mmm,

Speaker 92 when he was actively making those noises.

Speaker 50 So maybe it did help a little bit him doing that.

Speaker 249 I find marmite and mint sauce is the other thing that I love, but I can't have it on its own.

Speaker 80 Just a thing.

Speaker 24 Yeah, yeah.

Speaker 147 It's rare that you're in a situation where you might end up having marmite or mint sauce by itself.

Speaker 249 But you're going to do it once if you like both of them.

Speaker 86 Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Speaker 27 Yeah, yeah, that's true.

Speaker 19 There was a salad in the pub that I used to work in, this chain pub, that was just basically, I mean, I can't remember any of the other ingredients, but there weren't many other ingredients basically just mint sauce and red onions i i i got hooked on it one day i couldn't stop eating it

Speaker 54 just this

Speaker 197 we just had to certainly expand your breath yeah

Speaker 56 i'll stick for the listener i'll stick

Speaker 249 that's um that's amazing even hearing you say it back yeah as beautifully as you did uh it's yeah that's gorgeous well

Speaker 249 you've heard that please now confirm to the listener that envelope hasn't left you this has been in front of me all the time it just contains my my menu choices. There's no extra.

Speaker 62 You've had it there and you've signed it over the thing.

Speaker 3 If you could open it and just read to the listener what it says inside

Speaker 174 and hear the envelope being open.

Speaker 72 It says prediction on the front of it.

Speaker 226 I've removed a sheet of paper.

Speaker 72 Yes, here we go.

Speaker 212 I'm removing it.

Speaker 249 It says Darren's menu.

Speaker 181 Here we go.

Speaker 24 Water.

Speaker 137 Olive oil.

Speaker 90 That was we got that one wrong. That's wrong.

Speaker 105 I always see it.

Speaker 57 But you always get one wrong.

Speaker 110 You've got to get one wrong at the top.

Speaker 122 I did have a moment there of thinking, oh my god, is this actually going to be everything?

Speaker 249 Well, you always get the first one you always get the first one wrong uh yeah yeah show failure yeah yeah dropping a ball all right pop of doms or bread you put egg mcmuffin and a cigarette

Speaker 70 always get the second one wrong always get the second one wrong

Speaker 249 starter clams main candy floss flambaid well

Speaker 213 okay not far off you're not far off side spaghetti hoops boiling hot nearly like lava nearly like lava spaghetti hoops is close drink an ice cold beer

Speaker 132 dessert nothing

Speaker 207 we didn't really space out the menu enough and we ran out of space

Speaker 40 we had to just leave it dessert this is uh went out of space i'm framing this yeah

Speaker 249 that's that's not spaghetti well you i mean yeah i mean in a sense they're all correct you've got the spaghetti hoops and spaghetti hoops are circles like meatballs yeah an ice case cold beer in a sense.

Speaker 249 Candy floss, comfort food.

Speaker 249 Clams.

Speaker 249 Well, I mean clams are by the sea, Pompeii's by the sea.

Speaker 249 They probably were feasting on clams when

Speaker 101 it all struck.

Speaker 50 We talked about all of this.

Speaker 156 Olive oil was in the salad.

Speaker 122 Yeah.

Speaker 249 Egg McMuffin

Speaker 175 had a cigarette.

Speaker 249 That's my favourite.

Speaker 104 I think you peaked early.

Speaker 226 Yeah, that one is wrong.

Speaker 249 And then olive oil was correct.

Speaker 197 That's what I said. So yeah, yeah.

Speaker 195 Pretty good.

Speaker 218 Phenomenal. Pretty good.

Speaker 62 You just got Devin Brown.

Speaker 223 It's time for the annual section of Bits That Don't Quite Fall Into a Category. So we've labelled them anecdotes.

Speaker 258 Lazy from Benito.

Speaker 27 It's Olga.

Speaker 74 Yeah, that is the awful way of writing.

Speaker 7 He hasn't even bothered with these ones.

Speaker 32 Here's Olga Coch, Helen Skelton, Noel Fielding, Rose Matafeo, Jada Pinkett Smith, Katie Wicks, Jason Manzukis, and C-Mat.

Speaker 111 That sauce is it like it's like tomato, it's like cocktail sauce, right?

Speaker 48 They call it. Yes.

Speaker 194 So it's like... It's very horseradish heavy.

Speaker 2 It's very horseradish heavy because I had it a lot when I was in the States a couple of years ago.

Speaker 147 And sometimes it's almost too punishing for me.

Speaker 37 It gets in your nose.

Speaker 194 Yes, yes, that's what horseradish does. Truly.
So I grew up, my mom's party trick, when she was at a dinner party, I remember growing up and like things were kind of maybe dying down.

Speaker 194 She was like, let's do this.

Speaker 194 To get the party back going, she would propose to have either a mustard or a horseradish eating competition, but she wanted to win.

Speaker 194 So she challenged the biggest guy at the dinner party and be like, I bet I could eat more horseradish than you. And the guy could be in tears and she would never shed a tear.

Speaker 27 And I would be like, oh, mom, you're the coolest girl ever.

Speaker 16 That's so funny.

Speaker 153 Every time they write,

Speaker 182 it's drunk again.

Speaker 211 People are leaving. All right.

Speaker 118 What's going to make people stay?

Speaker 206 Biggest guy at the party.

Speaker 79 Yeah.

Speaker 27 This poor guy doesn't want to do it.

Speaker 140 Yeah, you're big fella.

Speaker 59 He let a horse wave for me.

Speaker 16 Oh, goddammit.

Speaker 67 Even though size has absolutely nothing to do with tolerance for horseradish.

Speaker 194 but it was more impressive the bigger the thing it was yeah

Speaker 194 she would just eat it with a spoon and so i'm i come from a horseradish forward family

Speaker 194 do you think you could i don't think i could oh i don't think i could beat my mom but i do think i have a higher tolerance than a lot of people what condiment do you think you could eat the most of just yeah just with a spoon just just with a spoon i'm so glad you asked yes i want to say garlic mayo from like any kebab shop oh that's good yeah like i want it in the big thing with the with a squeezy at the top yeah straight in the mouth into it.

Speaker 3 Yeah, yeah, straight into the mouth.

Speaker 194 Someone's just stepping on it.

Speaker 76 Yeah, that's a good answer.

Speaker 22 Because it is very... What's yours?

Speaker 207 Oh, and now it's hard to not just say that because...

Speaker 148 We're counting pesto as a condiment?

Speaker 24 Yeah.

Speaker 118 That's your nightmare.

Speaker 75 That's just bits.

Speaker 199 No, I love that.

Speaker 245 Yeah, tell you what that should be.

Speaker 70 That's 100% bits.

Speaker 3 Maybe it's just anything I had as a child that had bits in it.

Speaker 147 I can eat pesto from the jar like a big yogurt.

Speaker 86 Yeah. Yeah, 100%.

Speaker 210 Pine nut forward.

Speaker 28 Pine nuts.

Speaker 147 Yeah, big load of cheese in there as well.

Speaker 12 Just like really oily as well. Oh, no.

Speaker 86 I've got a new one. Uh-oh.

Speaker 28 Laugamar chili oil.

Speaker 37 Okay. We go through that in our house.

Speaker 9 I can eat that.

Speaker 10 I genuinely eat that from the gym.

Speaker 194 Wouldn't it be too spicy?

Speaker 67 No, it's not too spicy.

Speaker 84 It's like salty as well. It's sweet.

Speaker 37 And it's mainly bits.

Speaker 83 It's the crispy chili bits in chili oil.

Speaker 48 I've just bought a 700 gram jar of it.

Speaker 194 Lots of balance as well because it's giving you, it's not just one flavor.

Speaker 2 It's every flavor you need.

Speaker 69 That goes on everything.

Speaker 201 James?

Speaker 50 I guess sour cream sauce, like the dip, sour cream dip.

Speaker 37 Would you not feel ill immediately after eating a few spoons of sour cream dip?

Speaker 194 You could just, I guess, imagine it's yogurt.

Speaker 131 Yeah, yeah, it's very tasty.

Speaker 137 I could do that.

Speaker 3 I mean, and we know that in the past I've eaten a whole jar of salted caramel sauce before.

Speaker 10 Yeah, that's true. But that was, you were angry when you did that.

Speaker 137 I was very cross. I was just

Speaker 220 sticking it to an X.

Speaker 101 Oh.

Speaker 76 Making sure she couldn't have any of it.

Speaker 19 When I was cleaning my stuff out of the house.

Speaker 40 I was like, bad luck you ain't getting any of that salted caramel that I've ever had.

Speaker 259 Oh, and you leave the jar the M I'm not sure.

Speaker 50 I've bought it like the day before we split up.

Speaker 86 Then she broke up with me.

Speaker 144 I'm like, like, oh god, leave this jar behind.

Speaker 86 She's going to meet the rewards of that?

Speaker 146 Not on my watch.

Speaker 10 Not on your watch, but also not on your watch was just taking it with you.

Speaker 104 You stood in the kitchen and

Speaker 105 survived the tune journey.

Speaker 50 I didn't want it to lose its form.

Speaker 142 With like cookie or nothing, just straight up.

Speaker 32 On its own, just with a spoon.

Speaker 144 I thought, I'm allowed to do this.

Speaker 72 Now, calories don't count.

Speaker 204 I'm grieving the relationship.

Speaker 27 You really showed her. Yeah, I did show her.
Did you think?

Speaker 63 I don't think she noticed.

Speaker 18 I mean, I hope she'll listen to this podcast, but I don't think she's a fan of mine.

Speaker 28 That's a good question, man.

Speaker 147 What condiment could you eat the most of just with a spoon?

Speaker 194 I also don't know if frosting counts, but I do remember at my peak sort of 15-year-old.

Speaker 194 Because, you know, I don't know what your relationship with food was when you were teenagers, but it was for me, for me, it was like a competitive sport.

Speaker 194 And so it's like three sleeps of Oreos, let's go. And I would like my, I guess, party trick.
Maybe now that I'm saying this, it runs in the family. Betty Crocker chocolate icing.

Speaker 27 Just with a spoon.

Speaker 76 Biggest guy in the school.

Speaker 63 You be a Betty Crocker inside.

Speaker 84 We used to go to a pub that served half pint glasses full of wasabi peas.

Speaker 48 And my party trick was downing a half pint of wasabi peas.

Speaker 142 Oh my god, but wouldn't it get dry?

Speaker 70 The throw would get so dry.

Speaker 30 It's really bad.

Speaker 84 It's so spicy and it's right in my nose and I'm crying.

Speaker 61 The man who said that.

Speaker 63 Who's challenging you?

Speaker 54 No one's like, come on.

Speaker 96 But you bet you've got to go.

Speaker 16 I would be like, well,

Speaker 2 nearly last orders.

Speaker 48 I feel like the Atmos is dropping off.

Speaker 146 I want to go on somewhere else.

Speaker 148 Half a bunch of Sabi peas, please, Barkey.

Speaker 84 And I was the biggest guy in there, so I had to challenge myself to do it.

Speaker 140 Yeah.

Speaker 56 You be.

Speaker 51 So your mum never lost, though?

Speaker 194 Never. No.
She's amazing.

Speaker 75 She's amazing.

Speaker 194 Also, really sad thing happened that like also one of her things is that like she has a really good sense of smell.

Speaker 75 She's a very eccentric lady.

Speaker 194 She can like identify anyone's perfume. Everyone always is like...

Speaker 176 Because her nose is so open all of the time.

Speaker 54 With the horseshoe.

Speaker 194 And so

Speaker 194 she can smell, identify absolutely anything. It's amazing.
It's incredible. Also was a nightmare because it's like, she obviously could tell if you were out drinking as a teenager.

Speaker 194 And so after COVID, she lost her sense of smell.

Speaker 261 She still hasn't gotten it back.

Speaker 194 And now it's like she literally had an identity crisis. She was like, I'm not using Deodoran anymore.
Fuck you guys.

Speaker 194 Yeah, it was really, really sad. And now she's like kind of reinventing herself because she

Speaker 75 who is she without her sense of smell.

Speaker 55 But can she take more horseradish now?

Speaker 120 I wonder.

Speaker 146 She could take that show on the road.

Speaker 113 She could be like one of those competitive eaters.

Speaker 93 Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Speaker 42 Because a prawn cocktail opener.

Speaker 194 Can you imagine just eating the cocktail sauce?

Speaker 69 Fuck, that would be so cool.

Speaker 104 Before, before we do this show, guys, this is my mum.

Speaker 27 She's going to eat, she's going to eat a bucket of cocktail sauce.

Speaker 215 She doesn't wear the odd. Fair warning.

Speaker 190 She's fucking sticks so everyone gets ready for the

Speaker 61 fun row.

Speaker 215 I apologize.

Speaker 48 my my grandparents lived in uh rothwell oh um so my grandma would always go to leeds market and bring back uh i'd say sack fulls of broken biscuits

Speaker 86 yeah yeah absolutely love it why why are broke broken biscuits should be more expensive yeah yeah yeah

Speaker 160 my first job was just down the road from mcvitty's factory and i used to do breakfast so i used to have to go to work every morning at 4 30 but it was so good because i had to go past the factory and on the way back they sell off the boxes of broken biscuits.

Speaker 80 Yes.

Speaker 72 Oh, I wish the Wheatbix factory did that when I was growing up.

Speaker 160 There's less of a good smell from a wheat factory, though.

Speaker 40 Disgusting thing.

Speaker 160 If you enjoy a factory, I did a whole series, you know, on factories.

Speaker 171 Did you?

Speaker 123 McVitie's, Walker's, Heinz.

Speaker 173 Food factories. Guinness.

Speaker 160 Yeah. There was another one.

Speaker 186 Wasn't my best one.

Speaker 89 What was your favourite?

Speaker 27 What was your favourite factory?

Speaker 160 Well, I was pregnant with my third. My least favourite, because I was pregnant with my third child, was Heinz.

Speaker 212 What were you about to say?

Speaker 23 I was pregnant with my least favourite child.

Speaker 188 No, my least favourite smell is.

Speaker 70 Did you say which one?

Speaker 160 No, I, yeah, I filmed this series in food factory super brands.

Speaker 184 Oh, Warburtons.

Speaker 160 That's a great factory smell.

Speaker 184 Yeah.

Speaker 86 Yeah, yeah.

Speaker 160 But Heinz beans, when you're heavily pregnant, you do not want to put your head in a big, massive vat of blanched beans.

Speaker 29 Oh, God.

Speaker 93 It's not great.

Speaker 147 But is that, is that, would you say for all pregnancies, or is that specific to yours?

Speaker 48 Do you think that beans made made you feel ill?

Speaker 9 Because some people might have a craving for it, right? It might be the best thing possible.

Speaker 160 Well, that combined with i spoke to the wonderful people who do the testing they have people who do the quality control and they just all day taste cold bowls of spaghetti hoops alphabeti spaghetti cold soup all of that and that's their job is to just constantly taste stuff a couple of hours of that coupled with the blanche beans it wasn't a great day for me i don't look i didn't meet these people and i've not seen the show i don't want to cast aspersions but i bet those people look awful yes no they no quite and they've all worked there for like 40 years they look like ghosts helen let's be honest yeah surely i mean as i say it was a dark time of my life so

Speaker 19 i was just trying not to leave you ill i think those people would look like

Speaker 243 um

Speaker 263 you know uh have you seen uh the descent no no but actually you're wrong very happy no no no i can't have it they were so they were so happy about their cold bean tasting yeah they think they're happy but they look like they're in the descent they look like they're just not seeming very like them at all

Speaker 160 not eating properly no they gave me a personalized bottle of ketchup i can't say anything negative.

Speaker 27 That's pretty cool.

Speaker 220 That's pretty cool.

Speaker 89 We live quite near a bread factory, me and my wife.

Speaker 48 And during COVID, when we'd go on our little cycle every day, we'd really treat ourselves if we went the bread way.

Speaker 199 Cycle past the factory and cycle through the smell.

Speaker 111 That was our one bit of hope and excitement during COVID.

Speaker 160 Guinness, that was another good smell.

Speaker 184 Yeah.

Speaker 160 You can do that in South London. Cycle past hops places.

Speaker 16 Yeah.

Speaker 53 God, we're old now, aren't we?

Speaker 150 I'm going to have to go fizzy over still, though. But yeah, I've ruined fizzy by having it in taps.

Speaker 104 It doesn't taste the same tap seriously. Yeah, it's a bit weird.

Speaker 23 So for your dream meal, you probably wouldn't want it out of a tap, though.

Speaker 150 Also, I heard Bob saying one, Bob Mortimer saying that it dried his mouth out fizzy water.

Speaker 27 And I thought, how can water dry your mouth out?

Speaker 24 No one queried him on that.

Speaker 40 I was thinking.

Speaker 86 And there's no point.

Speaker 74 He won't answer us.

Speaker 86 I think we'd already done like half an hour before we got to water.

Speaker 70 So

Speaker 140 just let him say that.

Speaker 37 Yeah, we've got to get to sugar and tea.

Speaker 152 So I think I'm going to go fizzy.

Speaker 169 but you know when people order you know people make quite a big deal now about ordering tap water don't they in restaurants i hate that it's really arsy isn't it's like i'll have tap water thanks i'm not paying for your water you're like you're in hesdom blooming

Speaker 89 it's not gonna hurt i'll have tap water thanks but really actually well you never know what blumenthal's gonna do to the water though do you if you're ordering still tap water it's like

Speaker 27 is there a pond around here just go and take this ladle and just get it just well for you if you order tap you could mean fizzy water yeah Yeah.

Speaker 61 That's what you're used to.

Speaker 240 Yeah, that's true.

Speaker 150 I mean, if you can get fizzy water in your taps, why don't you just get umbongo or something?

Speaker 265 Yeah, that's a good point.

Speaker 84 It feels like the sky's the limit if we're getting

Speaker 86 sparkling water.

Speaker 27 Sparkles.

Speaker 27 I mean, imagine that.

Speaker 154 Would that be, would umbongo be the dream thing to have at the tap?

Speaker 90 I think so, yeah.

Speaker 78 Sort of dirty, pink, fruity liquid.

Speaker 27 Purely for the song, yeah.

Speaker 67 Would it play the song every time you pour yourself a glass?

Speaker 150 Yeah, the only good thing about having it come out of your taps is you go, Do you want some water?

Speaker 137 And when people come around and you go, sparkling or so?

Speaker 169 And they go, Oh, this guy's got some, this guy's got some quality about him.

Speaker 27 But imagine going, Mbongo, drastic and some mbongo.

Speaker 80 I've got it piped in.

Speaker 86 They'd be like, oh, this guy's a serial killer.

Speaker 16 I know.

Speaker 23 But you're one of the few people that people go, yeah, yeah, yeah.

Speaker 40 He's got mbongo coming out, makes sense, yeah.

Speaker 169 And Nelfield in his house, he had mbongo coming out of his taps.

Speaker 40 He washes with it.

Speaker 59 He has a full

Speaker 150 one of the stickiest men you could ever meet is it still a thing on bongo i think it is is it i think it is yeah i haven't seen it in ages you can still get it you can still is the carton the same yes it's pretty much the same have they done that thing though this is what i don't really like about all those weird things from the 70s and 80s were quite unhealthy but they were delicious and then they sort of go

Speaker 150 hey we're still party rings but we're pretty healthy now and you go yeah your party rings dude you don't need need to go.

Speaker 131 It's like

Speaker 29 they've sort of gone quite dull.

Speaker 150 And the party rings were luminous almost.

Speaker 38 Yeah.

Speaker 159 You can sort of see your way for a dark forest with a party ring.

Speaker 77 It's like it'd been laminated with plastic properly.

Speaker 156 The party ring was nuts.

Speaker 150 But like party rings are now quite dull.

Speaker 231 They're sort of a weird.

Speaker 40 Yeah, Google party rings, Benito, Google image.

Speaker 150 They used to be so bright.

Speaker 150 They were luminous yellow. Yeah.
You knew they were bad for you, but they tasted amazing.

Speaker 50 Yeah, they were the colour of Mr. Blobby.

Speaker 128 Yeah. Do you think they have changed?

Speaker 37 Because you know how, like, when you're a kid, everything seems bigger.

Speaker 147 Do you think it's also a case of when you're a kid, everything seems brighter?

Speaker 86 Maybe. Maybe.
Yeah.

Speaker 87 Your eyesight goes as you get older if your party rings are duller.

Speaker 99 Yeah, that's not. That's not how I remember it.

Speaker 23 Your screen brightness turned up to max.

Speaker 86 Yeah.

Speaker 82 They're almost muddy. They're muddy looking.

Speaker 169 That's a dark pink, yeah.

Speaker 90 Yeah, that's not good.

Speaker 52 Oh, that's where the brightness turned up to max.

Speaker 150 The yellow's still quite good.

Speaker 100 It's all right.

Speaker 150 I'd like to liquefy those and have them coming out my taps.

Speaker 208 Yeah, that'd be good.

Speaker 3 You can make that happen for you as the genie if you want.

Speaker 40 Do you want the actual water?

Speaker 16 Because the water is good.

Speaker 189 Let's defy party rings.

Speaker 86 We'll change it to that.

Speaker 80 Sounds good.

Speaker 261 And then maybe, if I'm feeling insane, a tiny sliver of the onion one, but not now.

Speaker 261 Not at this age.

Speaker 68 Not at this age.

Speaker 204 What's happened at this age?

Speaker 132 Onions, man.

Speaker 222 Onions. Not your friend.

Speaker 261 I've recently been diagnosed with silent acid reflux.

Speaker 112 Have you?

Speaker 9 This is an exclusive to the podcast, guys.

Speaker 3 Here we go. It's never happened before.

Speaker 89 This is like when Stephen Fry went on Rehalustapur.

Speaker 35 This is the emotional bit that you clip up.

Speaker 129 Yeah. I have been recently diagnosed.

Speaker 80 Silent acid reflux at the tender age of 32,

Speaker 41 which is a form of acid reflux where I don't get heartburn, but it goes all the way up and it has given me mild langitis for years now, apparently.

Speaker 134 So silent acid reflux.

Speaker 29 Yeah.

Speaker 137 But deadly.

Speaker 13 Silent but deadly.

Speaker 194 Silent but deadly, because it's not giving you heartburn, so you don't know you have it.

Speaker 175 So it's fine then?

Speaker 27 No.

Speaker 54 No, because

Speaker 194 it gives you lavender.

Speaker 261 It gives you acid reflux in the night and stuff. So I got to have Gaviscon, which is,

Speaker 205 I cannot stand this stuff.

Speaker 69 It's terrible.

Speaker 37 I just want to nail down if it's giving you acid reflux, but you're not feeling it.

Speaker 235 I'm feeling it.

Speaker 27 Right.

Speaker 35 But I'm not getting the heartburn.

Speaker 184 Okay. So it's silent in the sense that heartburn is usually the biggest symptom of acid reflux,

Speaker 194 which I have not experienced.

Speaker 85 So what are your symptoms then for acid reflux?

Speaker 260 Are you doubting?

Speaker 66 No, I'm not. I'm saying

Speaker 66 I'm trying to nail down.

Speaker 242 I don't know

Speaker 15 what the other symptoms are. So you said you're feeling it.

Speaker 242 How do you feel?

Speaker 11 Coughing in the night.

Speaker 146 Coughing.

Speaker 176 Okay, thanks.

Speaker 135 Post-nasal drip.

Speaker 80 Post-nasal drip.

Speaker 261 Constant, relentless, mild laryngitis.

Speaker 166 Okay.

Speaker 198 Yes, thank you.

Speaker 194 Do you want a note?

Speaker 188 I got a note.

Speaker 27 A note for the moment.

Speaker 98 I was recently sent from the doctor.

Speaker 61 Silent.

Speaker 75 Acid reef. Well, it means though I have to stop, you know,

Speaker 35 eating late and, you know, figuring out what your triggers are.

Speaker 205 all of a sudden, it just, it's sad, isn't it? Yeah.

Speaker 12 I can't do it.

Speaker 84 I think onions are a real trigger for that.

Speaker 205 I think onions and garlic, isn't it? Yeah.

Speaker 126 It sucks, man.

Speaker 164 What was the final thing that made you go to the doctors?

Speaker 137 I've got to sort this problem out.

Speaker 22 This side of that.

Speaker 77 But you didn't know it silently outside of E-Flicks at the time.

Speaker 261 Well, I completely lost my voice after a run of shows. And so I went to the, and then that, yeah, I went to an ENT doctor and he put the camera down my nose.

Speaker 27 Oh, no.

Speaker 173 And I saw my vocal cords,

Speaker 261 saw my throat.

Speaker 33 That was pretty freaky do you put a camera down your nose yeah really good question back into your nose because i guess you go back and down back and down back and down to the throat but you go do you go up and back and down it's up and back and down yeah sorry yeah yeah he did say that because he did say that he was doing he's like

Speaker 3 this is something that we don't have here but like I only know about through watching American TV shows or films is kids with their lemonade stands.

Speaker 171 Yeah, that's a real thing.

Speaker 50 I've never seen it.

Speaker 214 Yeah, it's a real thing. I see it all the time.

Speaker 23 You think any of them would attempt

Speaker 60 lavender lemonade?

Speaker 35 Ideally, not with vodka.

Speaker 266 No, I don't.

Speaker 119 I don't.

Speaker 214 I mean, listen, at the lemonade stands, we'd be lucky to just get a decent glass of lemonade.

Speaker 266 Listen, lemonade itself.

Speaker 131 Really think about this.

Speaker 214 Lemonade itself is really an art form.

Speaker 214 Good lemonade with that nice balance of lemon.

Speaker 137 water and sugar.

Speaker 75 Because it's easy to mess up.

Speaker 104 Like most of the time, lemonade is too tardy.

Speaker 214 Like when I order lemonade, I'm scared to order lemonade in restaurants because I'm like, oh, this is going to be crap. It's either going to be watered down,

Speaker 214 you know, or it's going to be too tardy. It's not going to have enough sugar.

Speaker 152 Well, here, I mean, I think I only heard about lemonade in the American sense, like a lot later in life, because here, growing up, lemonade would mean like sprite or seven up, right?

Speaker 27 Sure.

Speaker 197 If you ask a lemonade in a restaurant,

Speaker 10 you're getting fizzy. Yeah.

Speaker 131 Got it.

Speaker 258 But that proper homemade lemonade, which is so good.

Speaker 214 Is it Sprite or 7 Up for you guys?

Speaker 227 I'd go 7 up.

Speaker 86 I think I'd go Sprite.

Speaker 22 This is why we work well as hosts.

Speaker 54 Yeah.

Speaker 188 Yeah.

Speaker 178 I think I'm 7 Up too.

Speaker 214 I think 7 Up is a tad sweeter.

Speaker 123 I think.

Speaker 29 Yeah.

Speaker 86 I think.

Speaker 89 With a bit of vodka in.

Speaker 71 I would bet there's less bubbles.

Speaker 104 In a dream for sure.

Speaker 214 Listen, I'll take vodka in any damn thing.

Speaker 54 Yeah, yeah.

Speaker 89 It's my favorite.

Speaker 239 I love vodka.

Speaker 99 If I may just roll back to the lemonade stands.

Speaker 87 If you're walking down the street, how good good would a kid's lemonade stand have to be for you to accept that they might be able to do lavender lemonade?

Speaker 22 There's a little kid,

Speaker 23 and they've got a load of lavender

Speaker 206 and they've got all the other stuff for lemonade.

Speaker 25 And they're like, Jessica Smith, would you like a lavender lemonade?

Speaker 19 How good does the setup have to be?

Speaker 23 What are you looking for?

Speaker 70 And they're calling Jada by her full name.

Speaker 62 They're calling you by your full name.

Speaker 123 Let me tell you, let me tell you what.

Speaker 214 If I go to a lemonade stand and then like Jada Pinkett Smith,

Speaker 239 first for a kid to even know who the hell I am, okay?

Speaker 166 Because most of the time it'll be Jaden's mom, Willow's mom, and they even know anything about a lavender lemonade.

Speaker 266 They won.

Speaker 57 I'm like, run it.

Speaker 239 I don't even care what it tastes like.

Speaker 266 Run that lavender lemonade.

Speaker 214 The fact that you even know that a lavender lemonade exists and you know my full name,

Speaker 56 you win.

Speaker 2 James obviously loved the idea of you sat in the car waiting for the chips, thinking about

Speaker 50 what it would be like to be in love.

Speaker 60 Yeah, yeah, thinking about what it would be like to be in love with fun.

Speaker 177 That song is the first time I really... It just, from that song, I thought, being in love is just going to be so, you know, epic.

Speaker 267 It's going to be amazing.

Speaker 50 Also, I remember the music video for that song, because I remember, it was number one for ages.

Speaker 29 I think it was 16 weeks. Yeah.

Speaker 76 So he wasn't turning up every week to perform it.

Speaker 104 Not on top of the pop.

Speaker 118 On top of the pop.

Speaker 109 So like they would just show the video.

Speaker 151 Yeah, you're so right.

Speaker 86 But I hadn't seen that film.

Speaker 268 I just remember that like...

Speaker 50 Was it Flaming Arrow?

Speaker 268 Do you know what knocked it off?

Speaker 267 Because you know like music traces.

Speaker 143 I don't know with that one actually.

Speaker 23 Yeah, it might have been like...

Speaker 120 Is it wet, wet, wet?

Speaker 61 See, I'm just blurring all that era and stuff intogether.

Speaker 140 Because,

Speaker 76 yeah, I mean, think twice by Celine Dion wouldn't have been long after that.

Speaker 221 But maybe...

Speaker 120 That didn't make me think about love.

Speaker 38 No. I don't think about Thinking Twice.

Speaker 33 The YouTube song?

Speaker 72 Maybe.

Speaker 23 One of the original number ones.

Speaker 86 Yeah.

Speaker 28 sometimes they would record the live performance on Top of the Pops and then just play that in, wouldn't they?

Speaker 131 They would, yeah, yeah, yeah.

Speaker 86 Remember when they were in

Speaker 86 a few weeks ago, but like so lazy.

Speaker 12 Yeah, but if you're Adams, like, and I'd say by the time it gets to five weeks at number one, if you're having to go into Top of the Pops every time, you're like, oh, for five days.

Speaker 126 I nearly, um, I went to South Korea recently.

Speaker 267 This is related, I promise.

Speaker 125 Um, with a vegan and Tim Ki.

Speaker 145 And uh, I'm

Speaker 27 the third diet.

Speaker 16 Is this a different vegan

Speaker 16 worm meal?

Speaker 95 No,

Speaker 220 same vegan.

Speaker 56 I'm in a thrupple with Tim Kina Vegan, that's what I'm saying.

Speaker 120 We're really happy.

Speaker 267 And I went to South Korea and Brian Adams was playing, and we nearly thought, oh, let's just go in, be funny.

Speaker 185 Yeah.

Speaker 125 We were looking for K-pop and we found Brian Adams.

Speaker 267 Brian Adams.

Speaker 186 The opposite.

Speaker 267 That story doesn't go anywhere.

Speaker 52 I would have thought if you went to see Brian Adams, that would transport you back to thinking.

Speaker 132 What would it be like to be in love?

Speaker 267 I'd be there with my thrupple.

Speaker 27 Yeah.

Speaker 27 I know it's a bit of a bit of a bit of it.

Speaker 105 But it's finally with it.

Speaker 98 But with a fly

Speaker 126 and it's twice twice the fun

Speaker 22 you too

Speaker 262 not not which song the fly by

Speaker 93 no idea

Speaker 23 so devo'd that i blanked it out i remember sitting in my car wondering what it would be like to be a fly

Speaker 86 well i talk about flies i've literally during this chat looked down and realized uh that my flies are completely undone at least you've got something

Speaker 23 on they are currently and I didn't want to do them up again.

Speaker 139 I'm going to check mine.

Speaker 17 My tits are hanging out

Speaker 108 for the whole thing.

Speaker 110 Is that all right?

Speaker 38 Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Speaker 27 It happens.

Speaker 35 We'll put

Speaker 2 the only clips we'll put out from this point, okay?

Speaker 268 Honestly, I'm fine with that. I could do it with an image change.

Speaker 122 I'm absolutely fine with that.

Speaker 224 What about Katie?

Speaker 149 She had an image change.

Speaker 48 What's she doing? She gets her tits out on podcasts.

Speaker 215 Does her tits out all the time?

Speaker 97 That leaves them out.

Speaker 128 So,

Speaker 10 because, I mean, excuse me, I don't know what eggs are in what bread, you know?

Speaker 62 No, I never thought about it. I know what eggs are.

Speaker 269 Sourdough traditionally safe, you know,

Speaker 269 like a pretty, you know, I wouldn't just start, you know, freestyling sourdough if they put it down. I'd still ask, but almost always it's going to be safe.

Speaker 270 Yeah.

Speaker 241 You know, there's a couple of breads that are pretty, pretty safe.

Speaker 270 But I kind of steer clear of bread just because you never know when someone's going to be fancy and brush some egg on top so it looks good or something like that.

Speaker 9 So what are the danger breads?

Speaker 37 What are the breads where you see them and all that?

Speaker 159 I'm going nowhere near.

Speaker 27 Hala.

Speaker 269 Hala, big, huge, you know, brioche.

Speaker 241 These are like egg-laden breads.

Speaker 270 These are like mostly eggs. Yeah.
You know, and they're, yeah, they have that glaze on them. They're very super dangerous.

Speaker 9 And restaurants are obsessed with brioche as well.

Speaker 36 They love it.

Speaker 269 And heartbreakingly, a bunch of years ago, everybody was like, oh, for hamburgers now, brioche buns.

Speaker 83 Yeah, yeah.

Speaker 117 No more like regular old buns that anybody can eat like you, Jason Manzukis.

Speaker 16 No.

Speaker 141 Brioche, fancy buns.

Speaker 66 Everything's egg.

Speaker 270 At a certain point, it becomes everything had eggs in it. Even like,

Speaker 270 that was the big, that was the absolutely devastating thing about like the mixology craze was that suddenly there was egg foam in cocktails.

Speaker 80 Yeah.

Speaker 270 And like that was like, that was really wild to wrap my head around because why would you ever think that that would be a source of danger?

Speaker 48 Like a cocktail?

Speaker 270 Like I went on a date once with a woman to like just a bar, no food.

Speaker 228 We had drinks.

Speaker 96 It was lovely. We kissed goodnight and I was like, I have to go to the hospital.

Speaker 6 But I was so confused.

Speaker 259 I was like, I'm having an allergic reaction, but I haven't eaten anything.

Speaker 16 And she was like, well, what are you allergic to?

Speaker 220 And I was like, eggs?

Speaker 116 She was like, oh, no.

Speaker 259 My drink had eggs in it.

Speaker 190 And I was like, why?

Speaker 96 I was like, why would you do that?

Speaker 93 That's disgusting.

Speaker 259 First of all, why would you order a drink that has egg foam in it?

Speaker 101 That sounds rancid in every way.

Speaker 81 So she had an eggy drink.

Speaker 36 Yeah.

Speaker 13 You kissed her good night. Correct.

Speaker 154 And then you had to go to the hospital. Correct.

Speaker 242 So

Speaker 242 you kissed the lady and then you said I have to go.

Speaker 27 I have to go.

Speaker 27 I have to go.

Speaker 6 I had to stop kissing. I had to stop the

Speaker 269 this was a successful day.

Speaker 218 Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Speaker 27 You know how hard it is to get to the point where I'm like, this has gone well.

Speaker 35 This is well enough that we are now kid.

Speaker 259 The classic Los Angeles let me walk you to your car.

Speaker 265 Yeah.

Speaker 269 We are kissing at the car. This is going great.

Speaker 17 And then suddenly I'm like, I guess I have to leave and go to the emergency room.

Speaker 93 This is awful.

Speaker 96 Or take an EpiPen.

Speaker 16 Goodbye.

Speaker 269 And then she was like, oh my God, I'm so sorry.

Speaker 228 I was like, why?

Speaker 259 You didn't know. Why would you? You did nothing wrong except choose

Speaker 270 what sounds to me like a disgusting drink.

Speaker 18 And were you dressed as Darfader or?

Speaker 270 Yes, I was dressed as Emperor Palpatine.

Speaker 159 Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

Speaker 206 He looks like he's had an allergy, to be fair to him.

Speaker 83 He does. Yeah, yeah.

Speaker 159 Yeah, that guy hates her.

Speaker 84 You should have said, I've got to go to the emergency room because you're too good at kissing.

Speaker 70 Yes. Oh,

Speaker 16 by the way, well done. Yeah, thanks.

Speaker 74 She could tell everyone that forever now.

Speaker 183 she can be like once kissed a guy so good he went to the emergency room

Speaker 123 have you sorry i'm gonna go off on a tangent now because you said gingerbread and gingerbread is maybe my favourite thing have you ever had have you ever have you ever been to cumbria yeah yeah right are you aware that william wordsworth's sister invented a patented type of Cumbrian gingerbread that you can still only buy from this one bakery in Cumbria.

Speaker 98 I'll tell you what. In Grasmere.

Speaker 140 I've never known my cupboard.

Speaker 86 I've got them in my cupboard at home.

Speaker 123 Isn't it unreal? Good stuff. I ordered two boxes of it for because we just did a week of rehearsals because we're going on tour next in like a couple of days.

Speaker 123 I ordered two boxes of it to satiate the crew and the band.

Speaker 123 And just every so often when someone looked like they were going to kill each other, I would just like force feed them some Grasmere gingerbread.

Speaker 97 And they're like, that's so delicious.

Speaker 123 I was like, yeah, I know it is. Distraction tactic.
But also the nicest shit I've ever had in my life.

Speaker 50 I didn't know. I did not know this.

Speaker 123 It's really good. It's really, really good.
Do you know as well? She sells. She's dead.
It's Sarah Nelson.

Speaker 184 She's long gone.

Speaker 210 because it was

Speaker 123 may she rest in peace they sell because it's covered in this like crumbly bread crumb gingerbread breadcrumb thing they sell big bags of just those crumbs for three pounds so you can make it in like a cheesecake wow do you know like you can make a cheesecake with that or you can sprinkle on top of other things or just unreal it's only three pounds straight in the mouth right

Speaker 183 no one's making the eating cheesecake with it

Speaker 86 no i would be shoveling straight into my mouth yeah do you know It's great stuff.

Speaker 24 This is just about crumbs.

Speaker 2 You'll love this story, so I'm not sure I've told it on the podcast before.

Speaker 26 I don't remember a crumb story.

Speaker 48 My wife told me the other day that when she was a little kid at nursery and primary school, that if it was someone's birthday, a cake would get brought in.

Speaker 30 And rather than just everyone getting a slice, the teacher would make it into crumbs.

Speaker 9 and then make all the kids sit there with their mouths open like that and then drop the crumbs into their mouth and it was called birdie crumbs.

Speaker 80 I do love that.

Speaker 61 Of course I love that. Yeah.

Speaker 126 That is really disturbing.

Speaker 37 It's pretty disturbing when you think about it, isn't it?

Speaker 98 Yeah.

Speaker 97 Was there other adults around?

Speaker 34 I don't know.

Speaker 88 Yeah, I mean it's like all the kids are lined up with their mouths open and then birdie crumbs.

Speaker 155 I definitely don't think any teacher would do that now.

Speaker 62 Even though it's not technically

Speaker 87 out of order.

Speaker 22 I think you would still be like, I feel like I'm pushing some sort of boundary here.

Speaker 123 One thing if they've like, you know, gotten, you know, like when you when you pull meat and you like shred shred it with for, right, say they get the cake, they shred it up, and then they like get a spoon and spoon it onto individual plates, and then the kids do the birdie crumbs themselves.

Speaker 114 But you're telling me that an adult human

Speaker 107 made the children stand in a line

Speaker 114 and feed them birdie crumbs.

Speaker 27 Yeah,

Speaker 74 that's the bitter spoon.

Speaker 114 They may as well chew it and then spit it into their mouths like a fucking bird.

Speaker 113 Like, what's going on?

Speaker 215 Yeah.

Speaker 27 Yeah, pretty weird.

Speaker 63 Yeah, like starlings.

Speaker 190 Starlings do that?

Speaker 129 Ace Ventura does that?

Speaker 23 Yeah, Ace Ventura does it in the second film.

Speaker 123 That film hasn't aged well at all.

Speaker 70 No, it's really bad.

Speaker 50 Neither of them have aged well.

Speaker 27 No,

Speaker 9 both of them got some. Yeah, yeah.

Speaker 181 Yeah. Pretty bad.

Speaker 123 Jim Carrey hasn't aged well. In general, like, not physically.

Speaker 96 I mean, he looks fabulous.

Speaker 90 He looks great. Jim, you look great.

Speaker 28 We've had an unusual amount of cannibalism talk on the podcast this year.

Speaker 11 Yes, I guess we have.

Speaker 110 This is Sebastian Stan, Olga Kock, Natalie Cassidy, and Ella Purnell.

Speaker 62 Well, you are what you eat.

Speaker 27 Yeah, yeah.

Speaker 50 You were in one film.

Speaker 3 In Fresh, you were what you were.

Speaker 196 You were eating humans. That's right.
Yeah.

Speaker 57 Remember that?

Speaker 159 Yes. That was wild.

Speaker 111 I do, yeah.

Speaker 67 A lot of James's questions to actors are to say a film and then go, do you remember that?

Speaker 148 Which we're assuming you do actually remember.

Speaker 144 Not all actors we've had on do remember that.

Speaker 54 That's true.

Speaker 196 Yeah, I do. I mean,

Speaker 95 that was a lot of fun.

Speaker 22 Well, the scene when you're preparing it all, it actually genuinely looks quite delicious for a second there, which is worrying.

Speaker 196 Well, there was a chef on set who was preparing things right on the dock, but it's interesting when...

Speaker 196 something gets passed and you label it a certain way because then you're looking at it differently and kind of looking for things in the in the the meatballs you know uh

Speaker 196 but uh that movie it's funny i i hear a lot about that movie people still kind of come up and ask me about it and i never i never i never knew how it was going to it was going to do i think i think because it messes with your head a bit that film because it does make you you're a very charismatic um cannibal killer and uh

Speaker 87 and you do make the food look pretty delicious it does get in the audience's heads more than if you were just like some crazed monster who we were terrified of.

Speaker 224 You kind of go, oh, maybe I want to be a cannibal.

Speaker 76 Sebastian Stan made it look quite nice.

Speaker 194 How do you guys feel about European total like an orangina?

Speaker 35 I love orangina.

Speaker 84 I mean, that's just, there's a real nostalgia for orangina, though.

Speaker 141 And the bottle's the shape of an orange. You can't fuck with it.
It's good. It's good stuff.

Speaker 114 Again, sophisticated bottle.

Speaker 70 Yeah, really sophisticated.

Speaker 79 Affordable luxury.

Speaker 113 We're back at it.

Speaker 168 That to me is like holidays when I'm a kid.

Speaker 86 Like being around a swimming pool or something, having an orangina.

Speaker 48 A cold orangina, baby.

Speaker 108 I wouldn't like the bits in it no i think that makes it that gives the the illusion of health which i enjoy yeah oh that's all that's good yeah i guess you're good of course you didn't like bits when you're of course you're one of those kids a little pale kid who didn't eat bits no i had to i had to eat bits all the time i'm gonna get made to eat bits yeah because it would be a healthy boy my mum got us yogurts with bits in it

Speaker 32 and like fruit juice with bits i was like i don't like bits she's like well bad luck well you're a crusts off kid as well i wish there's no way no way i could have got away with that i had to have the crusts smooth peanut butter no crunchy peanut butter every time even though i would have preferred smooth yeah of course you would have preferred smooth okay okay okay yep this is it was just like my goddamn life man and i hated bits when i was an adult i was like i'm never doing bits again

Speaker 50 and i haven't have you not i will not do fruit juice with bits like a fresh like a fresh orange juice look i will i will grin and bear it but i don't want it to feel like it feels like someone's emptied a bag of pencil shavings in my goddamn drink i hate it.

Speaker 247 This is bizarre, man. What?

Speaker 27 Bits, you gotta go bits, right?

Speaker 192 There'll be people saluting their

Speaker 192 life.

Speaker 54 Yeah.

Speaker 60 No, no, no. I don't like that.

Speaker 23 Yoga, I can hack the bits a little bit more, but I don't like it when there's like the pulpy, strawberry, horrible, like, like someone.

Speaker 33 So you're in Germany just purely flavor.

Speaker 194 You're not a texture guy.

Speaker 144 I love texture in the right. No, good texture.

Speaker 57 Those aren't good textures.

Speaker 54 Those aren't good textures.

Speaker 75 Bubble tea?

Speaker 86 I actually haven't done bubble tea, but I, which I can't believe I've not done bubble tea yet.

Speaker 103 I've not drunk bubble tea, but I would like that.

Speaker 102 The tapioca pearls.

Speaker 40 Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Speaker 24 Yeah, that's nice.

Speaker 80 That's bits, though, man. Yeah.

Speaker 19 Yeah, but they're like fun bits, and

Speaker 23 they're not bits that feel like...

Speaker 224 Waste product.

Speaker 21 Yeah, the strawberry pulpy stuff is like, it's like...

Speaker 70 What strawberry pulpy stuff are you talking to?

Speaker 54 In a yogurt.

Speaker 119 It's a smoothies?

Speaker 86 Okay, yogurt.

Speaker 18 When you get yogurt that's got bits of strawberry in it, just like...

Speaker 156 Do you mean a compot?

Speaker 65 No, no, that's different.

Speaker 227 I love that.

Speaker 3 But like, I mean, when it's all mixed together already, and you just open it, and there's like pips in there knocking around

Speaker 86 and like, and bits of pulpy strawberry that's like, it feels like someone's like,

Speaker 175 like someone's skin.

Speaker 88 I think this is more revealing than you realize it.

Speaker 1 Yeah, that's a huge leap.

Speaker 40 No, no, no, it's like.

Speaker 63 Speak more on that.

Speaker 22 It's just like,

Speaker 208 yeah, like bits of people.

Speaker 76 Maybe that's in my head because I watched The Sight of the Snow last night and they eat each other in that.

Speaker 72 Right.

Speaker 45 Yeah. I think some of the people.

Speaker 194 Oh, is that the one with

Speaker 194 the team that gets straight

Speaker 27 in the mountains?

Speaker 132 Yeah. Great film.

Speaker 152 But they don't put each other in yogurt, do they?

Speaker 76 Well, kind of.

Speaker 19 They put each other in ice and eat the ice to help it go down.

Speaker 103 So I guess if there was yoghurt available, they would have actually they probably wouldn't have eaten each other.

Speaker 218 If there was yogurt available.

Speaker 84 Yeah, we've got enough yogurt to last us six months. All right, we're going to have to start eating each other and putting it in the yogurt.

Speaker 27 Yeah, hang on. Hang on, Terry.

Speaker 103 Saw a film the other day where the main character has it almost raw in steak.

Speaker 258 Blue.

Speaker 130 Was he a bear?

Speaker 52 No, Jesse Clements.

Speaker 99 And

Speaker 91 then his wife comes back.

Speaker 52 She's been away for ages.

Speaker 164 And he doesn't trust it. It's his wife.

Speaker 61 So he asks her to cut off her finger and feed it to him.

Speaker 80 And she does it.

Speaker 49 And if your partner, if you were away for a bit

Speaker 103 and you got home and your partner said, I don't believe it's you, cut off your finger.

Speaker 130 Sorry, why does it work? What's happened with the character?

Speaker 27 Can we whine back a bit?

Speaker 84 I've still not seen this film, so you really

Speaker 54 don't whine.

Speaker 130 Why doesn't he believe what? Is he locked in a room? Is he blind?

Speaker 113 He doesn't believe it's her.

Speaker 103 She's acting acting weird. She's acting different.

Speaker 19 She's eating chocolate cake.

Speaker 103 She never used to eat chocolate.

Speaker 122 Right.

Speaker 174 Her shoes don't fit her anymore.

Speaker 82 It's a weird film, though, isn't it?

Speaker 144 Sounds it. A bit weird.
Weirder than EastEnders.

Speaker 209 Less realistic.

Speaker 72 Okay.

Speaker 147 Has there ever been a cannibal on EastEnders?

Speaker 150 Not that I know of.

Speaker 181 Oh, you've got to do that.

Speaker 205 You've got to do it.

Speaker 130 You could come in and do that, James. Why don't you come in and be a weirdo that moves into the square and he starts to like as a

Speaker 96 weird?

Speaker 110 No, you're not the acting obviously.

Speaker 45 No, no, he is.

Speaker 23 Hey, listen, I'd gladly play a cannibal on East Enders.

Speaker 128 Yeah. Who would you eat?

Speaker 91 Who wouldn't I eat?

Speaker 5 More like.

Speaker 130 You could eat Sonia.

Speaker 220 Well, listen.

Speaker 50 Yeah.

Speaker 86 Sonia, first to go.

Speaker 37 What a CV that would be for you, James.

Speaker 22 Already full of garlic.

Speaker 220 Yeah.

Speaker 22 Delicious. Coming out the pores.

Speaker 128 Filled with mayo.

Speaker 185 Yeah. Love that.

Speaker 165 I'd be quite good, I think, to eat.

Speaker 32 Who else is still knocking around in the square?

Speaker 128 People that you might know.

Speaker 191 Ian Beale's still there?

Speaker 130 Yeah, Bealey's there.

Speaker 137 He's got a wood.

Speaker 103 Wood, yeah.

Speaker 50 a you having a chunk of wood yep yeah I'd have wood yeah maybe that'll just be I'll just eat Ian Beale because I think like long longest serving cast member um yeah very much so one of one of yeah I mean it's a good thing I think what what are you ending yeah for his character yeah I'd at least give it a go try and eat him I think that you know maybe Stenders isn't ready for actual cannibalism but a cannibal character who tries to eat Ian Beale

Speaker 87 you get a lot of people watching that yeah you would yeah just from the listens to this to be fair yeah if I've got him in a big cauldron, in a pot, and he's like bound at the ankles.

Speaker 130 He's got a phrase that he says.

Speaker 130 He'd be going around in the cauldron.

Speaker 128 He'd be going, I've got nothing left.

Speaker 27 Yeah.

Speaker 80 Yeah.

Speaker 80 I've got nothing left.

Speaker 76 Yeah. I'm like, keep on crying, Beale.

Speaker 23 It just seasons the pot.

Speaker 147 I'm not sure Eastenders is ready for a cannibal, actually.

Speaker 128 Yeah, no, I'm not sure either.

Speaker 130 Just maybe purely because it's on at half seven. Yeah.

Speaker 147 I think maybe a storyline where someone thinks that someone is a cannibal

Speaker 48 and they suspect someone of of being a cannibal, it could be like a bit of a comedy storyline because

Speaker 89 their wife goes on holiday and they don't know and they're like, oh, he's eating her or something.

Speaker 185 Yeah.

Speaker 65 Everyone thinks I'm eating people.

Speaker 181 Yeah.

Speaker 22 Because there's just different stuff that I'm doing.

Speaker 130 But I think you should stick to what you know, boys, because I think the storyliners at work are probably okay.

Speaker 128 They're okay.

Speaker 104 Well, look,

Speaker 85 take that to them anyway.

Speaker 63 I'll take that to them.

Speaker 220 I will let them know.

Speaker 19 Let them know that the off-menu boys have got an idea.

Speaker 132 Yeah.

Speaker 72 Or that everyone thinks there's a cannibal on the square.

Speaker 192 Yeah.

Speaker 84 Hey, this was exciting in my house many years ago.

Speaker 222 I had the same dressing gown as Sonia.

Speaker 147 Excuse me? I had the same dressing gown as Sonia.

Speaker 82 My mum was like, you got the same dressing gown as Sonia.

Speaker 10 That was exciting.

Speaker 220 That was big news in our house.

Speaker 186 What colour was it?

Speaker 265 It was like, it had a pattern.

Speaker 28 It was quite patterned.

Speaker 130 I'm trying to think of what one it was.

Speaker 27 Yeah, it was like...

Speaker 130 Why did you have a female's...

Speaker 21 I'd say

Speaker 84 it was a unisex dressing gown. It was probably around the same time as the trumpet came in.

Speaker 130 Oh, so prop, well, we were looking maybe 95. How old are you, Ed?

Speaker 88 I'm 38.

Speaker 262 Are you really? Yeah, yeah.

Speaker 130 I'm 41. So you're.

Speaker 147 This is probably when I was nine or ten, maybe.

Speaker 130 Yeah, so I would have been maybe 13, 14, Sonia would have been.

Speaker 154 Same dressing gown.

Speaker 220 Wow.

Speaker 86 Mad, isn't it?

Speaker 45 It's incredible.

Speaker 16 I was planning to bring it.

Speaker 130 I'm not saying that we haven't got a visual of this.

Speaker 27 Do you want a picture of it? I'm sure. I'll ask my mum.

Speaker 146 I'm sure.

Speaker 63 I need to Google Sonia 13 dressing gown.

Speaker 70 Be careful.

Speaker 84 I was planning on bringing that up, but I couldn't find the moment for it to come up naturally, so I just said it.

Speaker 61 Off the back of the cannibal chat.

Speaker 70 I think it works perfectly.

Speaker 110 Yeah, happy with that? Yeah.

Speaker 65 Haven't even talked about you and all your mates eating each other on the island.

Speaker 215 So the food podcast wasn't.

Speaker 46 I think seeing as we just talked about a bunch of school kids going to Adventure Island, we might need to just

Speaker 94 clarify that that's not what you're referring to, question mark?

Speaker 74 No, I'm not referring to that, I'm referring to you and your friends

Speaker 159 with the plane.

Speaker 54 Yellow jacket.

Speaker 63 The TV show.

Speaker 67 I'd say lead with Yellow Jackets TV show

Speaker 27 acting.

Speaker 74 Burying the headline there.

Speaker 16 Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Speaker 63 They all ate each other.

Speaker 67 You and all your friends ate each other on an island.

Speaker 106 We've never had...

Speaker 110 Adventure Island when you took all your friends to Adventure Island, you gave them the donuts, and then you ate them all. Yeah, you ate them all.

Speaker 94 Only one child returned back to London.

Speaker 43 And happy birthday, me.

Speaker 43 Yeah, Yellow Jacket.

Speaker 33 That's messed up.

Speaker 120 That is really messy.

Speaker 3 We've never had anyone on the podcast before who's been that heavily involved in cannibalism, and this is a food podcast.

Speaker 94 I know.

Speaker 43 it's a bit of a thing. I'm gonna get a reputation because it's it's it's happened in two two shows I've done that one and Fallout.

Speaker 43 Yeah, people people are starting to talk.

Speaker 98 Yeah. It's not good.

Speaker 84 But it's always in a situation where it gets a bit desperate, right?

Speaker 2 I'd hope so.

Speaker 148 It's never like you've never been in a show where you're like, ooh, I'm hungry.

Speaker 50 I'll just eat a no.

Speaker 210 Well, in Fallout,

Speaker 94 I don't eat anyone, but the ghoul does eat

Speaker 46 other ghouls, sometimes humans.

Speaker 43 I think, actually, I don't think he does eat humans.

Speaker 178 He makes ass jerky

Speaker 94 out of another ghoul's bum.

Speaker 107 Yeah.

Speaker 45 Obviously.

Speaker 129 He wouldn't make it out of his elbow, would he?

Speaker 128 Silly.

Speaker 233 Well, if you don't know your ass from your elbow, wow.

Speaker 63 Best in the biz.

Speaker 153 He's the best in the biz.

Speaker 61 Quick question before we go then.

Speaker 27 Okay.

Speaker 144 You've got to eat another actor who you've worked with in the past.

Speaker 87 Yeah.

Speaker 19 Just who's it going to be?

Speaker 76 It has to be someone you've worked with.

Speaker 94 That's a really good question because are you going to go for, like, what are the circumstances?

Speaker 33 What's the context? What's the circumstances?

Speaker 94 I've got to eat them because I'm desperate because I'm very, very hungry. Or you've got a gun to my head and you're like, you've got to eat them now, but I'm not that hungry.

Speaker 220 How hungry am I? You're very, very hungry.

Speaker 94 I'm very, very hungry. Am I starving?

Speaker 43 Am I on like, is it a yellow jacket?

Speaker 204 It's a yellow jacket situation.

Speaker 46 So I want someone with like big muscles, right? Because then that's like more protein, probably. Yeah.

Speaker 98 Right?

Speaker 46 Who's the most muscular actor I've worked with?

Speaker 43 The guy that I threw up on was pretty muscly.

Speaker 46 He's not an actor that I work with.

Speaker 98 I mean, yeah, but

Speaker 43 he is someone that i know that that's that's got muscles i'd probably eat him or aaron aaron from fallout he's been working out a bit lately yeah yeah i'll eat him what's the surname moten aaron moten and moten you get eaten

Speaker 13 now part one had a toilet humor section part two has a filth section apparently What what are we doing with our lives?

Speaker 81 You can't write that down and make me say it.

Speaker 251 He just writes, what are we doing with our lives?

Speaker 65 He doesn't even put a question mark at the end of it.

Speaker 242 What are we doing with our lives?

Speaker 27 What are we doing with our lives he's just written that and he's letting us that's it we we've got to come out and act like we're ashamed of our um filth you and toilet humor you are i love it i'm not ashamed of the filth and toilet i'm ashamed of the podcast as a whole i think it's pathetic let's hear unbridled muck from sarah sarah baron hamed anna mashawn sebastian stan phil dunster olga cox sarah baron hamed anna mashawn again dirty boy sebastian stan again phil dunster again didn't know sebastian stan was so dirty dirty.

Speaker 22 That wasn't my, all I remember is that he loves pranks.

Speaker 161 So basically, I went from playing with dolls

Speaker 108 to you're there is so much fear in the eyes of the three men at the table, six eyes of fear.

Speaker 161 I went into diary writing.

Speaker 260 Yes. Okay.

Speaker 132 And then diary writing, as I matured, turned into erotic diary writing.

Speaker 113 Wow.

Speaker 161 That was clearly me having some kind of exploration

Speaker 161 of the issues that we all confront. And have you ever been more, like, have you ever been less physically comfortable than you are right now?

Speaker 16 Oh, no, I'm fine.

Speaker 255 Are you fine?

Speaker 67 I want to hear some details of these diaries.

Speaker 124 Okay, then thank you so much.

Speaker 264 I will tell them.

Speaker 161 So my, it's, it's essentially what it is, is it's like pornography written by a child.

Speaker 40 Yes. Yeah.

Speaker 34 I'm slightly more uncomfortable now than you.

Speaker 96 If you want me to keep a tally on it.

Speaker 260 Yeah. Okay.
I understand how that sort of ratcheted it up for you.

Speaker 66 Stay with me here.

Speaker 255 It's not the word child that's the word child in pornography.

Speaker 161 No one likes to say that.

Speaker 63 I prefer

Speaker 86 the way around you said.

Speaker 104 What did I say?

Speaker 121 You said pornography written by a child.

Speaker 67 That's the way around I want those words to be.

Speaker 37 Oh, to be said near each other.

Speaker 105 Not a problem.

Speaker 56 Thank you.

Speaker 260 Thank you for the guidance. Yes.

Speaker 142 Thank you for the guidance.

Speaker 161 So because I, and also, if it makes you guys feel more comfortable, the characters in my head as I was writing them, like, they were like 18. Right.

Speaker 161 Okay, so I'm like 12, and my characters whose story I'm writing are like 18.

Speaker 67 The protagonist is 18.

Speaker 161 The protagonist Jenny.

Speaker 2 Because for a second, I thought you were saying the other characters were

Speaker 183 18.

Speaker 89 Because that would make me feel way worse.

Speaker 142 No, no.

Speaker 255 This is from the mind of a child.

Speaker 37 But you've, you're talking about.

Speaker 255 But she's thinking to her, right?

Speaker 161 Like

Speaker 45 the coolest people, if you're 12, it's like an eight, like a 17-year-old.

Speaker 161 Are you kidding when like you're 12?

Speaker 2 Let's say 18.

Speaker 161 You want 18?

Speaker 119 I get it. I get it.

Speaker 264 Okay.

Speaker 161 So my spelling is bad,

Speaker 161 but I'm using proper language because that was how I was raised.

Speaker 255 Yes. Proper language.

Speaker 144 Yes.

Speaker 161 So repeatedly, I make mention of boobs,

Speaker 124 but I spell it bobs.

Speaker 124 Repeatedly, I use the word penis, but I spell it pinus.

Speaker 142 So it'll be like, I took my bobs and I'll put them on his pinus.

Speaker 93 Like very, very, very strange.

Speaker 161 yeah and then I didn't like there was um if you guys want to avoid eye contact in this next part that's like completely right you're looking it's so um there's like so much empathy in what you're doing in a way so like I really want to carry her through this but also I want to I want I want to make sure you keep talking about it because I am finding it very funny okay okay that's good so and like weird shit happens and um

Speaker 161 like uh like so I had the thing I don't even think it was a sexual thing I just think it was like an interest in Michael Bolton Was he a thing over here?

Speaker 63 Yeah, sure.

Speaker 110 So wait, Ed, listen to me. Ed, Ed, Ed.

Speaker 255 You couldn't have sex unless some song from the album Time, Love, and Tenderness was playing.

Speaker 161 So a consistent feature is like,

Speaker 86 hold on.

Speaker 220 Yeah, I've got to put on.

Speaker 124 I got to, I got to go put on some Michael Bolton. Yeah.

Speaker 161 And you always had to have champagne.

Speaker 255 Yes.

Speaker 255 You could not have sexual intercourse without like a...

Speaker 132 Without champagne.

Speaker 161 That was sort of how you began.

Speaker 255 And then once everyone was done was like yeah and then I didn't was Jenny having sex every day yeah she had sex multiple times a day every day and she'd go to like a car and she'd like you know yeah yeah she'd do it in a car

Speaker 114 there'd have to be champagne in the car right there's champagne in Michael Bolton it's like it's just there yeah she'd go to like a party and be like hey

Speaker 200 she'd be like hey

Speaker 33 you feel like doing it tonight oh wow

Speaker 161 Yeah, I'd be like, hey, you feel like doing it tonight?

Speaker 255 And then the guy'd be like, yeah, I can do it tonight.

Speaker 271 And then they'd like go into a room and like wherever the house party was.

Speaker 161 And it'd be like, would you like a glass of champagne?

Speaker 60 And then what am I saying?

Speaker 16 And you'd do it.

Speaker 113 And I get his pinus out.

Speaker 161 I get his pinus out. But interestingly about his pinus is I didn't understand.

Speaker 42 I thought the reverse about erections.

Speaker 55 Well, you thought they were hard all the time and they went soft for sex.

Speaker 86 Not quite, although basically

Speaker 211 when I hear someone else say it back to me, it's so much better.

Speaker 255 It was that I thought if an erection went on too long, you had to stop.

Speaker 63 It was like, like, calm that pinus down.

Speaker 54 I can't do this anymore.

Speaker 117 It's too hard.

Speaker 159 It's too hard. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

Speaker 271 We got to soften that pinus for this to continue.

Speaker 161 And then

Speaker 161 the grand finale was, I didn't understand, like, certainly for women.

Speaker 161 The idea of orgasms were very, very unclear.

Speaker 16 Yeah,

Speaker 259 I mean, good.

Speaker 113 Yeah, thank God. Right, right.

Speaker 142 And I would.

Speaker 84 Well, I just, I would be more worried if Sarah, when she was 12, was writing with a full knowledge of all sexual intercourse.

Speaker 55 Well, I don't know.

Speaker 23 A lot of women would say that those kind of things need to be taught about more from an earlier age.

Speaker 123 I would agree, but I wasn't the one to carry that weight.

Speaker 271 I wouldn't be educating.

Speaker 198 Let's work on the spelling before we get into the education.

Speaker 14 I think if you can't spell penis, you shouldn't be allowed to see one or touch one.

Speaker 89 Sure.

Speaker 74 Nobody's going near my pen.

Speaker 161 I just, I feel the need to say i don't like i don't i think where this came from was a complete lack of exposure to anything real yeah like i don't think i saw a piece of actual pornography until i was like 20.

Speaker 260 i mean really remedial well you didn't need it you know

Speaker 264 look at this brain boys look at this big brain this sexy brain yeah um so so there'd be like talk about mounting feelings

Speaker 42 but then i didn't understand

Speaker 264 what would happen.

Speaker 161 And so the characters would just piss all over each other.

Speaker 255 I'd be like, oh, and then his kind of something, and I peed

Speaker 188 on him.

Speaker 215 Wow.

Speaker 239 I feel we've really opened

Speaker 271 with one of the most

Speaker 93 arguably.

Speaker 260 Oh, did you not see the pee-pee coming?

Speaker 96 No, there was no ramp up to it.

Speaker 118 You gave no like,

Speaker 76 you gave no, um, there was no disclaimers.

Speaker 35 It was just straight into they peed all over each other

Speaker 84 so when when jenny was doing it with someone yeah you go to the house party you go to a room champagne michael bolton and they'd look at each other and then just both urinate on each other's mouth no it would be like they'd be it would i said humping a lot it'd be like humping humping humping

Speaker 135 So my dream start would be chili salted corn ribs.

Speaker 101 Oh, yeah.

Speaker 103 Lovely.

Speaker 84 Love corn ribs.

Speaker 147 When did corn ribs first come into your life?

Speaker 240 Mate, I tried it a couple of years ago.

Speaker 86 Me and my wife went out for dinner and they, we saw it on the menu, corn ribs.

Speaker 27 And we were like, corn ribs?

Speaker 80 When did that ever come into, how is that a thing? Yeah, let's give it a go.

Speaker 220 Mate, we,

Speaker 86 yeah.

Speaker 219 It's so good.

Speaker 147 Delicious. They're incredible.

Speaker 37 I think I, I might have had them for the first time at, there's a restaurant called Fallow in London and had them there.

Speaker 168 And then I think they, suddenly they're everywhere as as well.

Speaker 148 I think they started doing them at like Oaxaca or something as well. But

Speaker 158 you've tried to make them, right?

Speaker 63 I made them loads. Yeah.

Speaker 50 I love making them.

Speaker 16 Yeah, yeah.

Speaker 49 I don't want to have to chop up a cob.

Speaker 224 Chopping up the cob is hard.

Speaker 27 I will admit.

Speaker 102 But yeah, I've got a good technique now of how to do it.

Speaker 50 I'll get through them a lot quicker.

Speaker 76 The first time, anyone listening, if you're planning on chopping up some cobs, the first time

Speaker 24 just be careful because it's very easy to just like end up with a knife in in yourself in your belly really because it that's like chopping board height and then when the when the cob disappears from underneath the knife yeah so you just just take it slow but now i'm all over that it's great and then and and that you they make them really quickly toss them in a bowl with all the whatever you want chili salt in this case yeah delicious love it so good so good and you can pretend like what what when it says corn ribs What creature do you imagine?

Speaker 23 The ribs have come from.

Speaker 52 I've imagined Jolly Green Giant.

Speaker 27 Oh, okay.

Speaker 147 Yeah, it's quite small ribs for the Jolly Green Giant.

Speaker 23 Yeah, he's got a lot of them.

Speaker 91 Oh, is that what you imagine you're eating?

Speaker 204 Yeah, yeah, Jolly Green Giant's ribs.

Speaker 101 Right, someone's killed him,

Speaker 50 caught him and killed him.

Speaker 86 Yeah, and then I'm eating his ribs now.

Speaker 158 Do you imagine that they're from a creature?

Speaker 27 No, I've never thought of it that way.

Speaker 16 No weird, it's weird, honestly.

Speaker 23 Well, yeah, it's the only creature I can think of who would have sweet corn ribs is the Jolly Green Giant.

Speaker 187 Yeah, that's true, actually.

Speaker 86 Yeah, I hear that.

Speaker 52 I think he would definitely have sweet corn ribs

Speaker 19 and maybe a cornless cob as a penis.

Speaker 86 A cornless cob.

Speaker 206 Yeah, so all the corn would be off of it.

Speaker 86 I feel like

Speaker 23 I can't imagine him having a corny penis.

Speaker 248 A corn on the cob penis, but I can imagine him just having a cob penis.

Speaker 80 Yeah.

Speaker 72 I mean, if he had a corn on a cob penis, he probably had to see someone.

Speaker 27 Yeah, yeah.

Speaker 164 He would. Nobody wants a corny penis.
No one wants that.

Speaker 88 No, because no one's penis is made out of the same thing as their ribs are.

Speaker 103 Yeah, that would be mad.

Speaker 78 That would be crazy.

Speaker 50 Yeah, if your ribs and your penis are the same, then see a doctor.

Speaker 208 That's actually a very important message for anyone listening.

Speaker 48 I heard that the Jolly Green Giants had one of his corn ribs taken out and so he can suck himself off.

Speaker 50 That's why there's no corn on the cock.

Speaker 176 He had to go around it sideways, though.

Speaker 88 He knows what he likes.

Speaker 23 You usually get put with Anthony Mackey junkets when it's like Marvel stuff.

Speaker 196 So you two have to sit and and do the interviews together yeah i'm pretty sure that happened because

Speaker 196 about six or seven years ago because i i was so bad at at junkets i was always so quiet that they're like we need to give him the loudest man on the planet to revive him and he and he does i mean anthony is just so you guys would have such a blast with him on it on the show like he he's He's big time.

Speaker 192 Do I see him in an interviews? Has he got a boat or something?

Speaker 244 Or is that just in the show that you guys did?

Speaker 58 No, no, no.

Speaker 61 He has a boat.

Speaker 165 I think he has a boat.

Speaker 196 He also goes fishing. He goes hunting.

Speaker 196 He's been trying to get me down there to go hunting with him for a long time. I'm like, Anthony, I don't, can you imagine me with a rifle down there in the backwoods of New Orleans?

Speaker 196 I mean, but it would be fun. I think we should, I would do that with him in film it because it just would be ridiculous, you know, in a good way.

Speaker 3 Oh, people would watch a whole series of you two going hunting together.

Speaker 88 Yeah, into the wild.

Speaker 196 But he loves that thing. Like, you know, he'd be the one to on that.
There's those shows, you know, that take actors and put them on a mountain and then they have to kind of like survive.

Speaker 48 Yeah, that wouldn't be me. That wouldn't be you?

Speaker 196 No.

Speaker 148 How long do you think you could survive on a mountain?

Speaker 50 What's he got with him?

Speaker 23 What are they giving him?

Speaker 88 Good question. I don't think it's, I'm not thinking of that show, Naked and Afraid.

Speaker 103 You know that show?

Speaker 100 Yeah, that's when they're naked.

Speaker 159 Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Speaker 149 You've got more than that, I'm imagining.

Speaker 61 Like, you've got some water.

Speaker 207 Yeah, I mean, it's not the sign up to Naked and Afraid, is he, Sebastian Stunn.

Speaker 210 Naked and Afraid.

Speaker 196 Just the one way to go out.

Speaker 27 Like, that'd be it.

Speaker 95 It'd be the last hurrah.

Speaker 27 Return to innocence.

Speaker 73 Yeah.

Speaker 23 That'd be quite a good end to the career.

Speaker 48 I don't know why anyone agrees to that show, to be fair.

Speaker 147 No.

Speaker 154 It's fascinating, isn't it?

Speaker 196 Like, I don't know either, but

Speaker 196 there are people that do really well on it. Yeah.
I mean, somebody's cut out for it.

Speaker 148 But I just think no matter how well you do on it, you're still butt naked on TV the whole time.

Speaker 196 And you've got to carry around the mic in a little bag and it looks really undignified there's no winners have you seen naked attraction have you seen that yeah i have seen it we were just talking about it were you just talking about it yeah we were yes because we're talking about wild shows here and that one uh that's hilarious isn't it it's like it's it's really like a car accident you're just constantly enamored yeah just the way that the way the thing slides up and then from the feet to the middle is the some of the worst moments on tv i've ever seen i think imagine being behind that screen.

Speaker 61 Like, I wonder what it's got above your dick. Yeah.

Speaker 5 I'm just thinking, I actually hope that I get eliminated now because I'd like them not to see my face for this to go on TV.

Speaker 144 Yeah.

Speaker 29 You know what I mean? That's right.

Speaker 224 At that point, I'll be like,

Speaker 72 I'm happy going home with this.

Speaker 196 But they've got to be,

Speaker 196 I mean, I wonder what the submission process for that is.

Speaker 165 What are the questions that they ask?

Speaker 84 I think they just send through a photo, a full-length naked photo, but this producer looks at it on really slow internet so it loads up from the bottom so they can imagine they can imagine the reveal of it what it'll be like sometimes I pretend to be on naked attraction I've got electronic blinds

Speaker 183 that's amazing

Speaker 88 at a certain place yeah yeah so who's who's judging who's judging you on the posty you know postman and

Speaker 257 various people who well one of the most common problems is uh the blokes who go on it um very afraid of you know looking small on tv trying to make it look as impressive as possible before going on but then there's a very fine line yes where if they if they just get all the way bona they got to go home yeah it's like you can't we can't put that on tv right right right so they're like i've got to make it as impressive as possible without getting too impressive yeah but that would be even so um sorry about this yeah

Speaker 196 it'd be so psychotic wouldn't it like you're like your brain's just trying to figure out how

Speaker 196 where to send blood to begin with and it's like you're just like there now and like there's a million people that are on the other side just waiting and it's uh

Speaker 84 apparently the studio is freezing cold as well yeah yeah so they're battling against the other helping yeah

Speaker 19 is anyone doing anything particularly interesting with the popadoms are they doing cheesy garlic popadoms i think we've had cheese on them melted cheese popadom sandwich before yeah we have someone chose that because then i promised that i'd eat one in the bath for some reason yeah and then he still hasn't done it

Speaker 52 and by the way in the episode where he promised he would do that absolutely adamant he was going to do it.

Speaker 51 Me saying, you're not going to do that, him being like, I absolutely guarantee you that I will.

Speaker 23 As soon as the episode went out and people were asking for it, he went, I'm doing that.

Speaker 185 There's no way.

Speaker 235 That's a comic relief.

Speaker 22 As if I do that, why would I do that?

Speaker 235 That's a comic reliefer.

Speaker 50 That's like baked beans.

Speaker 165 A bath of baked beans.

Speaker 135 Yeah.

Speaker 49 Classic.

Speaker 235 What was it? Eating a poppy dummy in the bath?

Speaker 148 Eating a popped-dom cheese sandwich in the bath.

Speaker 137 Okay.

Speaker 181 He certainly was going to do it.

Speaker 151 I mean, if comic relief get hold of you and ask you to do it, you do it.

Speaker 158 I just don't think it'd make a lot of money for them, really.

Speaker 132 I disagree.

Speaker 57 Oh, if they're asking you, they know their stuff.

Speaker 37 Bath of Beans, I get it.

Speaker 48 It's like, oh, gross, I'm sat in a bath of beans. I understand why that was a thing.

Speaker 50 Yeah.

Speaker 158 But just someone having a normal bath, eating something.

Speaker 102 To be honest, I think Comic Relief would get more people to donate if they said, it is this celebrity having a normal bath.

Speaker 140 I think a lot of people would be like, great.

Speaker 86 Great.

Speaker 23 Because yeah, Gabbel's dick.

Speaker 86 My dick.

Speaker 50 I don't bath with my dick out of the bath.

Speaker 23 Well, you'd be naked with the bath.

Speaker 116 I mean, my bath. But where are you filming it?

Speaker 86 You've got seafood water.

Speaker 10 Yeah, but I might have bubbles in it and I might be shooting in.

Speaker 140 No, you won't have bubbles in it.

Speaker 158 I'm not shooting it from.

Speaker 148 I'm not getting a drone and shooting it from above.

Speaker 51 It's not up to you. Comment below for filming it.

Speaker 140 They don't want to do it.

Speaker 144 I'm out.

Speaker 23 They know what's going to get people donating money. If they'd gamble in the bath, it's a drone shot.

Speaker 132 There's a stick. He's naked.
There's his dick. There's a dick.

Speaker 235 But, but, but, but, but, uh, with a poppa dom, a cheesy poppadom over it. Yeah.

Speaker 237 Yeah. Like, like, like a fig leaf of Adam/slash Eve.

Speaker 104 Yeah. Uh, so you can.

Speaker 37 I'm planning on eating it though.

Speaker 152 So as I take a bite, am I revealing more and more of my dick?

Speaker 235 It's a you pay to stay

Speaker 235 situation. The more you pay, you can see more of your dick from under the pop-a-dom.

Speaker 152 Very generous mime there, Phil.

Speaker 27 Yeah.

Speaker 56 Good.

Speaker 190 Good stuff.

Speaker 86 All right.

Speaker 158 Well, if Common Relief get in contact, I'll speak to them.

Speaker 50 Yeah. Yeah.

Speaker 51 You should speak to them.

Speaker 77 I think that's good.

Speaker 103 I think you get a lot of people donating when they realize that actually the beans were doing them more harm than good for getting people to chip in.

Speaker 131 Or failing that, just do it on OnlyFans.

Speaker 89 Yeah, I was going to say, I don't think Comic Relief want to make that sort of leap into OnlyFans content, particularly, do they?

Speaker 103 Well, they've got to decide just how much they want to help people. Like, who cares about dignity at that point?

Speaker 23 It's raising the money.

Speaker 51 Comment relief to stop worrying about their brand.

Speaker 174 Who gives a shit?

Speaker 22 The people worth off in the world.

Speaker 136 Get Gamble's dick on the tele. On the telly?

Speaker 70 I thought this was online content.

Speaker 27 Hold on a minute.

Speaker 22 Comic Relief goes all night.

Speaker 152 Okay, so I'm on later.

Speaker 159 I'm not like... You're on later.

Speaker 152 I'm not like 7 p.m.

Speaker 104 Lenny Henry's like, welcome to Comic Relief.

Speaker 84 Let's have a look at this guy's thing.

Speaker 50 No, no, no.

Speaker 23 No, this is a late night one.

Speaker 204 This is when, like, you know, one of the more edgy comics has hosted it.

Speaker 159 Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

Speaker 103 Yeah. And then they go to you in the bath.
And bear in mind, Ed, it's under the water. They're not going to get a good idea of the size because it's like

Speaker 105 refraction and all that.

Speaker 235 Magnification.

Speaker 148 Yeah, but you can never tell with magnification sometimes. It might do the opposite.

Speaker 131 Oh, you reckon?

Speaker 147 Yeah, just get my excuses in early.

Speaker 220 Yeah, I've got a haunted house dick.

Speaker 224 Also, you've got to make sure that you sit, don't like sit too low in the bath so it floats up and is like,

Speaker 103 you don't want your boy bobbing up and down

Speaker 181 peeking out the surface.

Speaker 149 I think I do, like Nessie.

Speaker 103 Make it float like Nessie. But

Speaker 204 that requires up and down.

Speaker 86 Nessie.

Speaker 86 Yeah,

Speaker 50 he's really boasting.

Speaker 132 If you've got a Nessie.

Speaker 135 Yeah, that's incredible.

Speaker 24 I was right.

Speaker 50 You should get that on bobbit relief.

Speaker 101 Yeah.

Speaker 50 That's incredible.

Speaker 10 It is a bit bit like Nessie in that only very few people have seen it and they're all mad.

Speaker 194 The most delicious, now that I've been eating meat for like a year now, the most delicious has to be the lamb at Al Calf in Whitechapel, which is a Somali restaurant.

Speaker 194 And it like, it's lamb that falls apart. It's one of the most delicious things.
There's not much there on the plate other than the meat because the meat speaks for itself.

Speaker 194 Cause like it's lamb that's been cooked for ages and it's it's melt in your mouth. It's absolutely delicious.

Speaker 194 but apart from the fact that it is one of the most delicious dishes i've ever had i realized that like it had that ratatouille reminded me of childhood moment right because my grandmother was raised in kazakhstan

Speaker 62 and in kazakhstan they make something called bishbarmak another bloody country thrown in wait it's past the most global country

Speaker 70 such a global global family its entire family tree is one street in wimwood and like

Speaker 49 island actually yeah yeah

Speaker 194 whatever man so she used to cook a dish called Gujbarmak, which is like local to Kyrgyzstan and Kazakhstan. And it is that like fall apart lamb with some egg noodles in it and some raw onion.

Speaker 194 It's the most delicious thing you'll ever like. It's just meat at its purest form.

Speaker 194 We're not talking seasoning. We're not talking marinade.
It's like, it's the fucking fattiest lamb you've ever eaten in your life.

Speaker 35 Wow. And it's going to blow your mind.

Speaker 24 Heaven.

Speaker 42 But also, she was...

Speaker 194 Sorry, I'll stop talking.

Speaker 163 You could interrupt me at any point because I could talk about lambs.

Speaker 63 Why are you a guest at our podcast?

Speaker 146 When you're talking about food on our food podcast, when you're a guest.

Speaker 220 Well, this one goes on a bit.

Speaker 27 Quite a lot saying about food, actually, weirdly.

Speaker 194 So, my grandmother, who grew up in Kazakhstan, Nina, all of her grandmothering revolves around fear-based things.

Speaker 194 So, like, she's like, don't eat too much sweets because your butthole will still stick together.

Speaker 194 When I was growing up, I would be terrified to eat too muchy sugary sweets because like the syrupiness of the sweets would stick your butthole together. Yeah, and you don't want that.

Speaker 15 Your grandma would say, but it would would stick your butthole together.

Speaker 98 Poppa sleepnice, yeah, yeah, yeah.

Speaker 70 Yeah.

Speaker 211 And then you'd be like terrified because, like, oh, I can't eat it when you want any more chocolate.

Speaker 182 Is that like a phrase?

Speaker 16 Like a phrase.

Speaker 182 I've never heard anyone say it other than horrifying.

Speaker 134 Or was she genuinely saying to you,

Speaker 37 your butthole will literally stick together if you eat too many sweets?

Speaker 142 And as a kid, you'd be horrified.

Speaker 194 And it wasn't

Speaker 194 an effective tactic.

Speaker 100 Wouldn't have worked on me.

Speaker 86 No way. Win-win.

Speaker 131 How is that win-win?

Speaker 164 I don't think I enjoyed going for dumps that much as a kid.

Speaker 154 Yeah, but you must have.

Speaker 154 It would be uncomfortable to have your butthole stuck together.

Speaker 158 Nah.

Speaker 13 Well, then you just get really full, right?

Speaker 75 Yeah, where's it all going? Yeah.

Speaker 86 Well, that's

Speaker 76 keeping my body for longer.

Speaker 19 That's nice. I like sweets.

Speaker 67 Yeah, but you don't like having the sweets in your body, right?

Speaker 88 You like the taste of them.

Speaker 194 I need to call my grandma.

Speaker 16 She'd be able to argue.

Speaker 86 She'd have to stick in my butthole together.

Speaker 55 What were some of your other grandma's fear tactics?

Speaker 194 So one of them had to do with the lamb. Yeah.
So, okay, so because because it's really, really fatty and really, really hot.

Speaker 29 Makes your butthole massive.

Speaker 27 If only.

Speaker 133 And then

Speaker 170 a girl can dream.

Speaker 194 So it's like, it's salty, it's fatty, it's really, really hot. And because it's so salty, you really want to drink cold water because it's really hot.

Speaker 80 But then I'm assuming it's kind of true, or she just did it for fun.

Speaker 194 She's like, you can't drink anything cold because all the fat will just solidify inside you and you'll die.

Speaker 211 Oh my God. It's very, very body horror all of that.

Speaker 176 All of your grandma's stuff was about being constipated in some way, right?

Speaker 101 Yeah, yeah.

Speaker 264 So then you'd be, you'd be terrible.

Speaker 194 So you'd be so thirsty because it would be so salty, but you wouldn't be able to stop eating it because it would be so delicious.

Speaker 194 But then you would be so scared to drink anything cold because you didn't want it to solidify inside of you.

Speaker 70 And then you die.

Speaker 182 And then you die.

Speaker 194 So it's like she would give you just like the hottest tea with it, which didn't help the thirst at all.

Speaker 114 Yeah, it's a sort of really panicked. I have a nostalgia for this panicked feeling.

Speaker 144 Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Speaker 87 There's got to be some sort of like jeopardy involved, I guess, with whatever you're eating.

Speaker 194 Yes, you're battling the food in a way. And so when I had that, that lamb at Alcaf, the Somali restaurant, it brought me back.

Speaker 154 It brought me back. Did you have a cold drink with it?

Speaker 194 No, I was too scared.

Speaker 35 I choose to stay.

Speaker 27 I'm too scared.

Speaker 38 Still won't do it.

Speaker 194 I don't know the science behind it, but I'm scared.

Speaker 43 What if it turns into aspic inside of me?

Speaker 86 Yeah.

Speaker 176 Every time you eat sweets, do you think about the butthole sticking together thing?

Speaker 27 Yeah, what if it is?

Speaker 194 That stays with you.

Speaker 153 Yeah, but it was going to stay with me.

Speaker 85 She wasn't even my grandma.

Speaker 210 Looking at the sugar content of a thing. Yeah.

Speaker 27 How much has my butthole gun?

Speaker 86 No, where's my butthole at at the moment?

Speaker 45 My number one starter is the dream plate of nachos.

Speaker 161 The most incredibly done nachos that you have ever prepared.

Speaker 161 My brother is a professional cook. And I was back in Chicago for a birthday.
I don't remember how old. And he said, like, what do you want for dinner? And I said,

Speaker 154 he's a professional cook in Chicago.

Speaker 75 Yes.

Speaker 141 Is he the bear from the back?

Speaker 42 My brother, listen to this.

Speaker 161 My brother trained at Michelin restaurants, like did the whole thing in Spain, doing all that shit, comes to Chicago, trains in all these like Michelin-y restaurants, and then opens a sandwich shop.

Speaker 161 And so when the bear started, they go to my brother and they're like, would you consult on this show? And my brother is like, this sounds fucking stupid and no, and turned it down.

Speaker 161 And now he's like midway because he,

Speaker 161 we pre-talked, our pre-chat was bear related.

Speaker 161 I have, my brother brother, and I think a lot of other industry professionals do not die for the bear in the way that some of the rest of us do.

Speaker 161 But now he's watching it being like, I can't. It's such a phenomenon.

Speaker 42 And so on the one hand, he like hates it because he doesn't feel it's a realistic representation.

Speaker 42 But that is his story and his journey.

Speaker 161 So now if you guys are in Chicago, you will have to go there for one of his sandwiches.

Speaker 147 Only if he was a consultant on the bear, I would go.

Speaker 86 Yeah, I'm at his place.

Speaker 104 No, I'm too busy.

Speaker 37 I'm going all the places around by people except my brother sandwich truck

Speaker 227 i only eat food by people who are consultants

Speaker 161 just show up there look for someone who looks a little bit like me but younger and a man and then just say that and then leave

Speaker 103 and for listeners james is wearing a t-shirt from the bear i am currently wearing yeah the the original birth of chicago land so this is mad this is mad this is happening it's mad that your brother is the bear but also isn't the bear and hates the bear.

Speaker 10 Is your brother a hottie?

Speaker 161 Here's whether or not my brother is a hottie.

Speaker 119 Are you ready for that?

Speaker 152 They can't see him on an as an arm consultant.

Speaker 42 No, so my brother was like not attractive.

Speaker 161 She's this very round, round boy,

Speaker 142 which is great.

Speaker 239 Be a little round boy.

Speaker 101 Yeah, fine.

Speaker 114 Grows up. Yeah.

Speaker 161 And is like something happened.

Speaker 124 And he's still a husky boy, husky, husky, but he got attractive.

Speaker 260 And there was this sort of window between

Speaker 161 him growing and like being on track and like before he had three kids and life gets difficult. And my friends would be like, your brother is so hot.

Speaker 27 Like, why don't I remember?

Speaker 66 Your brother's hot.

Speaker 260 And I'd be like, okay.

Speaker 161 And my parents are obsessed with my brother's hotness.

Speaker 161 In our family, I am the natural byproduct of my parents. Like they're these two people and they're how they are and I'm the child that they would have.

Speaker 84 The perfect combination of all of their things.

Speaker 161 I would say the shitty combination of all of their things. But thank you for the compliment.

Speaker 33 And then

Speaker 25 we won't be able to talk you out of what you've just said, so far enough early on, but whatever.

Speaker 114 And then they have this boy, and he is this blonde,

Speaker 264 beautiful, perfect creature.

Speaker 142 And they

Speaker 161 cannot believe that they made this child who's so perfect. And my, my sister-in-law, Dark, but it will get funny again, I hope.

Speaker 42 Her father passed away.

Speaker 161 And I went to the, we're a Jewish family, so I went for the Shiva, which is sort of like the wake. And so that's the environment.
It's a Shiva where people are mourning.

Speaker 161 And it was one of the occasions where my sister-in-law was like introducing my brother to all these friends and family for the first time.

Speaker 161 And I'm there with my parents and my father kept going, watch people look at your brother for the first time.

Speaker 120 Watch people look at your brother.

Speaker 124 They can't believe how handsome he is.

Speaker 177 They watch the next time she introduces,

Speaker 124 they're like obsessed with his beauty.

Speaker 161 And he's not, what I always say about my brother's attractiveness is if I say nothing about it to people and then they meet my brother, they're like, your brother's kind of hot.

Speaker 161 If I go on about it, now when you guys see him, you'll be like, you really oversold how hot your brother is.

Speaker 161 So this has been this thing. And in my late 20s and his sort of early to mid-20s, I was like, oh, I guess my brother is like a babe.

Speaker 161 I spent a summer in Chicago. So he's always lived in Chicago.
And when I was in the States, I was mostly in New York. And I was cycling.
It's a great cycling city.

Speaker 161 And there are all these like really, like six-way intersection things things or whatever. And I'm cycling.
I'm like 28. I'm adorable.

Speaker 54 Yes.

Speaker 114 I'm pecan. I'll say it.

Speaker 161 You can't say it, but I was a pecan.

Speaker 255 I'm like a girl on a bike. Oh my God.

Speaker 161 Oh my God.

Speaker 161 I see across the way,

Speaker 27 I see

Speaker 161 an adorable man also on a bike.

Speaker 161 And he looks at me and I'm like, and I was just like, oh.

Speaker 271 That like cute boy is looking at me.

Speaker 161 Like, that's so great.

Speaker 114 Like, what will come of this?

Speaker 161 Because we're going to cycle past each other. But just, that's a lovely and flattering moment.

Speaker 16 Did you piss?

Speaker 33 That would happen later.

Speaker 161 The light turns green.

Speaker 42 We cycle, cycle.

Speaker 161 We're looking at each other.

Speaker 96 We're fucking looking at each other.

Speaker 161 We get close enough.

Speaker 211 I'm like, that's my brother.

Speaker 161 That would be my brother. We stop.

Speaker 271 I'm like, I thought you were working.

Speaker 255 He was like, oh, we never spoke about it.

Speaker 161 Like, it wasn't, we were 100% checking each other out.

Speaker 74 Yeah,

Speaker 98 never spoken about it.

Speaker 23 Well, how do you know he was checking you out?

Speaker 251 He wasn't just like, oh, there's seven miles.

Speaker 108 Because, I'll tell you, first of all, that hurts my feelings.

Speaker 161 Second of all, second of all, because of the awkwardness that could feel. And then years went by, and I like started, I was like, oh, that's like a funny, it's like a funny thing that happened.

Speaker 161 And my sister-in-law does not find it amusing. But I think it was the moment where I was like,

Speaker 161 Benito is not pleased.

Speaker 62 Did your brother confirm that this was what happened when your sister-in-law

Speaker 57 doesn't market? So I presume.

Speaker 161 I've never said to my brother, with whom I like to think I have a close relationship, not sexual, let me add.

Speaker 153 that's fine yeah um

Speaker 161 yeah I guess I guess if you're living in a world where you have to add it you gotta wonder why yeah do you guys know that incest is like actually very common I've never fucked my brother for real but did you did you legit know that like a lot of people are fucking their sibs or doing shit no

Speaker 161 another conversation it is true we we can talk about it another time but a thing is that I think a lot of people are experimenting with family members like maybe it's more cousins I think that's true

Speaker 255 I'll find the statistics

Speaker 3 how are they even getting those statistics who's admitting to that

Speaker 245 let alone these many many that it's common please don't send me those statistics

Speaker 115 i'm live tweeting it to you now um i've never said to my brother can you please confirm in 2008 ben has never had to write on his list of things in the podcast incest

Speaker 23 he's written written on his notepad he's never had to do that before

Speaker 42 bring the heat motherfuckers my brother made me some wonderful nachos

Speaker 161 for what I believe was my 36th birthday.

Speaker 161 birthday okay he homemade the tortilla chips yeah they were like freshly fried wow he made a mole sauce there it went heavy on the homemade just even the way you're talking about the nachos i can't you want to bang your brother yeah it's so obvious this is not fair

Speaker 121 i think he's a great guy yeah yeah yeah yeah

Speaker 239 but i don't want to bang yeah

Speaker 161 I don't want to bang.

Speaker 56 Yeah.

Speaker 10 Describe the nachos more.

Speaker 124 All right, you guys. They were like

Speaker 69 so tasty in my mouth.

Speaker 161 I'm trying to, you know, I'm trying to talk about food in a serious way now.

Speaker 59 I'm trying to, I'm trying to bring it back.

Speaker 57 Well, the nachos sound lovely.

Speaker 23 I do sound good nachos.

Speaker 63 Whatever. Yeah.

Speaker 33 You know what?

Speaker 161 I think if you talk to my parents, they would sound like they want to bang him too. I think there's this weird fixation in my family with like my brother's excellence.

Speaker 255 Yeah.

Speaker 161 And the rest of us are like these pieces of shit who just get to wander around and be related to the king. that is the attitude yes

Speaker 27 where's the best place you've had like a mango salad like a really refreshing the barbican bar and grill they have a kale salad it's called a kiss me kale salad oh they've named salad after the show

Speaker 196 it's a coincidence i'm plugging right i'm plugging proper right now but they've got this amazing salad with like mango and it's just yeah it's great it's so nice if people did order the kiss me kale salad and and kiss and kiss the kale yeah and kissed the kale

Speaker 22 as in they they get the salad and they kiss the kale they pulled it out of the salad and then kissed it yeah or they leant down into the bowl and kissed it while it was still in the bowl while it was still so it's up to them yeah they can either pick up the bowl with both hands and bring it to their mouth and

Speaker 23 get off like fully get off with the kale what tongue the kale yeah yeah or they can pick it or they can pick it out of the bowl and then kiss it and then tongue it and then tongue it

Speaker 23 yeah yeah like would they be allowed to stay in the barbican do you think or like what's the policy there because Because technically, that's not their fault.

Speaker 212 It's called Kiss Me Kale. Yeah,

Speaker 220 I feel like you've got to

Speaker 220 express yourself how you want to express yourself.

Speaker 240 Yeah. I don't think you should be punished for that.

Speaker 90 So, if you want to tongue the kale, then you absolutely should.

Speaker 132 Yeah,

Speaker 147 I think it's the kissing, I think, is fine.

Speaker 37 I think when you said they get off with it, I think that's maybe the line.

Speaker 84 Are they like shutting their eyes as well?

Speaker 86 Yeah, yeah, and

Speaker 103 unless they're kind of maybe mumbling like

Speaker 91 words that hang on,

Speaker 185 I love it so much.

Speaker 71 Is that what you do while you're kissing someone, James?

Speaker 50 Yeah.

Speaker 185 I'll go, oh, baby.

Speaker 117 Yeah.

Speaker 185 Yeah.

Speaker 228 No, that's cool.

Speaker 104 I think it will only upset people who don't really like public displays of affection.

Speaker 49 Yeah.

Speaker 187 But it's not your business.

Speaker 253 If you want to tongue the kale, then

Speaker 240 absolutely, you should go and tune the kale, man.

Speaker 48 Tell them, tell it, tell it how you feel.

Speaker 196 Empress Jin.

Speaker 90 That's really good Empress Gin.

Speaker 196 Also, Empress Gin with tonic is really good. I know that's like gin and tonic is whatever, right? But that gin with the tonic is a really good drink.

Speaker 3 Made well, it's a completely new drink.

Speaker 19 Yeah. Gin and tonic.

Speaker 87 When someone makes you a proper good one,

Speaker 248 you are like, oh, okay, this is totally different to what I've been drinking.

Speaker 38 Yeah.

Speaker 144 And it is just like spending a bit more.

Speaker 212 time.

Speaker 148 One gin having like the gin having a bit more flavor to it rather than just like fog standard gin.

Speaker 196 Yeah, and this one sort of turns purple when you pour it in there it's it's very uh that also gives it a little effect but for some reason it just complements it well that's crazy it turns purple yeah how does that happen i don't know i'm across the science so i'm sure it's good someone did that and you didn't know it was going to happen and you saw it turn purple did it remind you of thanos and you got angry oh i thought you were going to say new year's eve no no no well you like

Speaker 196 you got no i i don't uh he i yeah i I don't think about it as much as you think.

Speaker 89 I would if it happened to me.

Speaker 65 I would if it happened to me, I'd think about Finnish all the time.

Speaker 220 You got snapped.

Speaker 71 You were the ones, you got dusted.

Speaker 144 I know.

Speaker 181 I was fucking furious with that guy.

Speaker 27 I know.

Speaker 196 Well, it was amazing how well that villain was.

Speaker 196 In a way, he actually was, you know, he was having kind of his own midlife crisis and turning on the world.

Speaker 37 Yeah, there were levels. There were levels to that.

Speaker 61 What do you think that was like for your character?

Speaker 65 Obviously, a lot of characters happened to you, but you're there, you've been in Wakanda fighting, but then you feel a bit, oh, I feel a bit shitty, and then suddenly you're on this massive battle, you're a completely different place.

Speaker 87 Do you think at some point you had to like get yourself to Bucky had to get himself together and be like, okay, fuck it, it's a different battle now.

Speaker 144 And a load of shit's happening, I'll get caught up on it later.

Speaker 181 Or was Bucky like, guys, please catch me up on what's been happening?

Speaker 144 Because, like, I can't just go into this fight not knowing.

Speaker 172 I've got to know what's going on.

Speaker 196 I think the minute he's so used to fighting in enemies that the minute he sees it, it's like, yeah, right back in it. Sure.

Speaker 196 It's uh, but the version you described would have been, I think, more cinematic.

Speaker 35 Wait, timeout.

Speaker 133 What the fuck is happening

Speaker 74 around here?

Speaker 27 I just, I wanted to go to the bathroom and I came back.

Speaker 135 I'm like, everything's a different world.

Speaker 144 Yeah, because do you think they even knew this was like a different Thanos from a different time?

Speaker 50 And that Thor's already cut the other guy's head off.

Speaker 40 Yeah.

Speaker 58 But actually, this is someone else of a different time.

Speaker 76 But we still need to, we kind of messed up with the time travel thing.

Speaker 86 Or whether it's like we'll catch you up later but the baddies are the same ones as before i feel like you've thought about this more than anyone else on the planet no way man

Speaker 196 it's interesting though that movie does spiral down a rabbit hole

Speaker 196 you find yourself kind of going and asking different things because once the time thing gets flipped anything is possible you know it's like we can all keep doing what we're doing but then um doctor strange can turn back time like i mean what he you can't with that i mean that's yeah that's why it's very important that he doesn't have that stone anymore.

Speaker 92 If he did, every movie would just be like, yeah, there you go.

Speaker 86 Yeah, yeah.

Speaker 93 One, one twist.

Speaker 48 I would like to see like a caper film with him where he's just fucking around with time for a laugh.

Speaker 37 Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Speaker 196 He keeps going back in time to the same spot

Speaker 86 over and over again.

Speaker 87 We had a cartoon here when we were kids called Bernard's Watch.

Speaker 77 Are you familiar with Bernard's Watch?

Speaker 22 No.

Speaker 86 It was good.

Speaker 24 Bernard's Watch was good.

Speaker 23 Bernard's Watch was good, but everyone had the kind of same problem with it.

Speaker 19 But

Speaker 196 it was a little kid and he had a watch that could stop time, but he could just walk around then do whatever so every everything would freeze the only British thing that I remember when I was very very little is a very controversial show called Benny Hill

Speaker 88 yeah yeah well he should never be in possession of Bernard's watch no because if it was Benny's watch it would be a very different show he causes enough trouble when when time's moving normally right chasing those poor ladies around chases the poor ladies around the trees and stuff with the music it does blow my mind that Benny Hill was such a big export across the Atlantic that that was the thing it's weird yeah I remember just growing up and that seeing that show when I was little and then Beverly Hill is 90210.

Speaker 220 Yeah.

Speaker 274 Strangely and Baywatch.

Speaker 215 Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Speaker 196 You know, like they were massive in Europe.

Speaker 86 Yeah, the two representations of different cultures, Benny Hill and Baywatch.

Speaker 96 Yeah. Yeah.
For Benny and Benny.

Speaker 3 I think they've done a crossover episode where Benny's chasing the ladies, but it's all in slow motion.

Speaker 48 Yeah.

Speaker 10 Or the beginning of the Bay Watch, the Bay Watch titles at the beginning, but with the Benny Hill music in the background and stuff.

Speaker 50 Oh, yeah, that'd be good.

Speaker 196 Yeah. Cadbury chocolate.

Speaker 50 Cubby chocolate.

Speaker 159 Yeah. Oh, yeah, yeah.

Speaker 273 It's such a thing, isn't it?

Speaker 73 It's good stuff.

Speaker 48 Well, American chocolate is shit.

Speaker 115 You know what?

Speaker 213 The oil has come out of it.

Speaker 27 I bet you've ever come up to that slowly before.

Speaker 149 Okay, well, her cheese is the worst thing I've ever tasted.

Speaker 205 No, no, no.

Speaker 196 You can't compare those.

Speaker 196 But Tony's chocolate.

Speaker 27 Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Speaker 235 Is this new?

Speaker 247 It's fairly new, right?

Speaker 24 Yeah, from Holland. Yeah.
Unbelievable.

Speaker 76 Also, they, because all of the, they're not like solid standard chunks in the bar, you end up breaking off a bit to be like, I'll just have a bit, but it comes off at a weird angle and then you break off another bit.

Speaker 135 And you always

Speaker 104 there's half.

Speaker 196 It's just gone. You did it.
Do you remember Kindereggs?

Speaker 83 Yeah, yeah.

Speaker 73 Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Speaker 27 Those are great.

Speaker 218 I remember when you crack that thing open, the little astronaut would come out.

Speaker 74 Yeah.

Speaker 196 Or it'd be like a stupid one.

Speaker 158 You'd be like, no, I got to get another one.

Speaker 215 Yeah.

Speaker 23 Oh, yeah, yeah.

Speaker 50 There was a period of time where it was always a little like China Terra pin.

Speaker 19 Like playing the pan pipes or like with a surfboard.

Speaker 23 There's other different terror pins.

Speaker 155 That was when I got into Kindereggs.

Speaker 10 That was your favourite era of Kinder Eggs.

Speaker 50 I wanted to get all the terror pins that you got in the Kindereggs. I got a few of them.

Speaker 196 It was a great, brilliant idea, whoever invented the Kindereggs.

Speaker 24 Yeah.

Speaker 84 The toys came in phases like Marvel, didn't they?

Speaker 49 Yeah, yeah.

Speaker 23 Yeah, now if they were still, I mean, I think they still do Kinder Surprises, but they're not as popular that Marvel would consider doing a crossover with them.

Speaker 86 Right, yeah. That would be like the pinnacle of your career, right?

Speaker 103 If someone said, we're going to do you and a Kinderegg for any film you've been in.

Speaker 196 Yeah, that would be like, I made it.

Speaker 54 Yeah.

Speaker 144 I guess it would be a bit more.

Speaker 137 It would probably be Marvel.

Speaker 132 I don't think it'd be the cannibal in the kindergarten.

Speaker 87 Or you as Tommy Lee.

Speaker 205 It just ends up being a mistake.

Speaker 196 I mean, someone just does one randomly.

Speaker 37 I'd buy the Tommy Lee Kinder egg.

Speaker 50 Yeah. 100%.
As bastard as Tommy Lee in the kindergarten. Yeah.

Speaker 86 I mean, what would that even look like?

Speaker 61 It depends what

Speaker 213 part of the story one drumstick.

Speaker 213 Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Speaker 147 I'd recognize him on Naked Attraction straight away, Tommy Lee.

Speaker 48 Yeah, yeah.

Speaker 60 Tommy Lee on Naked Attraction, surely.

Speaker 50 It would come up.

Speaker 156 For everyone else, it's just the feet, but Tommy.

Speaker 86 Yeah.

Speaker 179 right

Speaker 62 dream dessert it is

Speaker 205 there's a pub near where my mum lived in reading uh it's out in the countryside it's a country pub sticky toppy pud

Speaker 235 it's got dates in uh it's got that almost like tangy metallicy taste that you get from the drizzly stuff yeah and there's there's cocky for days

Speaker 165 sorry so where's cocky for there's cookie custard

Speaker 36 Of course.

Speaker 116 I don't think cocky

Speaker 37 is an acceptable shortening of the word custard.

Speaker 99 I thought you'd been given diarrhea by the.

Speaker 50 But I thought you'd eat the sticky toppy pud and you have got diarrhea for the rest of the week.

Speaker 144 Cucky.

Speaker 86 Cucky for days.

Speaker 27 Just so that I've got cookies.

Speaker 10 It's so delicious, but you get cocky for days.

Speaker 235 Yeah, I'm going to get some cocky on there with the.

Speaker 165 I don't usually give life advice to the guests.

Speaker 23 You've got to stop calling it that outside of this podcast.

Speaker 23 I mean, in it is fine. We know what it means now, but

Speaker 11 do you regularly call it cool custard cocky?

Speaker 122 I do.

Speaker 198 I do. Do you?

Speaker 204 And does anyone else join in?

Speaker 234 Do you know who else calls it that?

Speaker 137 Who?

Speaker 233 Curly from Oakland.

Speaker 95 Of course, he does.

Speaker 100 Curly love cocky.

Speaker 27 Curly love cocky, sure, but like.

Speaker 22 I mean, also, just on its own, cocky can mean something else.

Speaker 202 People call each other cucks all the time now and stuff.

Speaker 154 Yeah, I mean, that's like a Shakespearean word.

Speaker 27 That's not even, yeah, yeah.

Speaker 205 So, if you're just like, if you say to the waiter, well, they know, they know what they're serving it, they know.

Speaker 95 Hold on a minute, whose dream restaurant is this?

Speaker 16 Okay, so hang on,

Speaker 204 they know the lingo.

Speaker 19 So, if you say to them, if you point the sticky toppy poet, you go, cuck me.

Speaker 135 Yeah,

Speaker 135 they're not going to serve me Ed's diarrhea, they're going to know exactly what it is. Yeah, it's creamy, yeah,

Speaker 135 it's sweet, yeah, it's, I guess, eggy because of egg custard, Yeah.

Speaker 137 And it's just right. Hot or cold? Hot.

Speaker 80 Hot cocky. Yeah, yeah.
Yeah.

Speaker 50 Hot cocky, man.

Speaker 103 How has this never

Speaker 144 thought it was weird until now?

Speaker 235 I don't know. It's weird.
I know, but it's, it's, you know, I'm, it's, it's who I am, it's my cross, and I shall bear it.

Speaker 53 Have you said hot cocky goldsteam before?

Speaker 262 I don't think he's

Speaker 262 a good one.

Speaker 154 I think hot is probably the highest profile outing that Cucky's had.

Speaker 61 Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Speaker 131 For me so far.

Speaker 148 Also, you're not going to be anywhere with Brett where Cucky's on the menu, are you?

Speaker 174 No.

Speaker 204 To be honest, you could convince him that it's called that.

Speaker 220 He's never seen it before.

Speaker 50 There's cocky.

Speaker 27 Okay, thank you. Yeah.

Speaker 24 I'm going to try cocky another time.

Speaker 108 They tell people that I've had cocky with Phil Duster.

Speaker 200 This is called cocky.

Speaker 61 No, it's not, Brett.

Speaker 54 That's custard.

Speaker 86 You can have it hot or cold, cocky.

Speaker 157 Phil likes hot cocky.

Speaker 147 I mean, it does sound like a delicious dessert however much you have tried to make it sound absolutely disgusting

Speaker 205 i've never seen someone do so much legwork to make an objectively delicious dessert sound gross you can have it on the side when you're at my drink you can have the cocky on your on the side you can have your hot cocky on the side yeah yeah don't need to put your cocky all over your lovely sticky toppy pud yeah yeah i'll have your cocky get i'll say what

Speaker 86 i'll have you know are you gonna have it james you have any cocky no i'm not i'm not having if you want to drizzle it all over your pud, get your cocky on your pud.

Speaker 144 No, no, I was going to leave it. I'm going to leave.

Speaker 132 I'm not going to have my cocky.

Speaker 205 Do you mind if I have your cocky?

Speaker 235 Yeah, if you want to hop my cocky, you can.

Speaker 205 I'm going to spoon your cocky.

Speaker 80 Yeah.

Speaker 210 Ed is that cocky.

Speaker 201 So, it's so turned on.

Speaker 69 Get your hands off my cocky, Shel.

Speaker 144 But you're having it all over your pud.

Speaker 103 Yeah, yeah.

Speaker 132 I'm not ashamed. Most likely, like, one of those sticky toffee puds that's like, out of a you know, plastic cup with the film lid?

Speaker 87 Or do you think it was made on premises?

Speaker 235 i think it was made on that's it was one of those where i think it was probably in a tray it was but it was made in a in a big yeah silver tray it was a proper legit one good um and the cocky had like

Speaker 86 had like the spanilla pods in there yeah put vanilla pods in there again i mean absolute like legit nice custard should not be called cocky

Speaker 103 such a disrespectful term it's delicious it was delicious cocky and

Speaker 232 is this a family thing does your whole family call it cocky i think it is yeah yeah Yeah.

Speaker 23 So the dunsters all say cocky.

Speaker 148 Pam's not going to bat an eyelid when Cucky comes up at the dream.

Speaker 23 Ellie's used to it by now?

Speaker 237 Ellie, I think probably still shirks it slightly.

Speaker 104 Yeah. Dad,

Speaker 235 he's got a snorkel and he's like...

Speaker 2 He's not face down to some cocky with a snorkel sticking up, is he?

Speaker 27 His bird face straight into cocky.

Speaker 80 Snorkel.

Speaker 27 I love cocky.

Speaker 50 I mean, yeah, the man loves cocky as well.

Speaker 205 Yeah, I guess we're a cocky family.

Speaker 132 Do you know what?

Speaker 235 Here's what I'm hoping. One day you'll be out having some delicious food

Speaker 235 and wait.

Speaker 137 What were you having desserts?

Speaker 234 I'll have the chocolate cake.

Speaker 231 You have chocolate cake, didn't you?

Speaker 49 Yeah, yeah.

Speaker 137 Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

Speaker 132 I'd order chocolate cakes. Yeah.

Speaker 136 Did you want any cocky with that?

Speaker 154 Hang on, so you're hoping that...

Speaker 235 Is there someone in the service industry

Speaker 235 and then it's going to disseminate across all

Speaker 135 restaurants

Speaker 103 so are you hoping that it becomes so commonplace that one day it you know it will happen to us or are you hoping that a what because what's happened to both of us many times is someone who works in the service industry has heard this podcast remembers something like that that we've long since forgotten not that we will ever forget this conversation phil and then we're at a restaurant and they the waiter or waitress will do an in-joke to us like that

Speaker 23 and we won't know what they're talking about.

Speaker 144 Is that what you mean?

Speaker 50 Because I hope that never happens.

Speaker 19 I hope if anyone's listening, if you come up to me in the restaurant and say, would you like cocky with that? I'm leaving your restaurant.

Speaker 222 I will say that this will not be one of the things I forget.

Speaker 86 I hope

Speaker 147 every time I see custard, I'm going to go, oh, cocky.

Speaker 137 That's custard.

Speaker 220 And I'll feel a bit sad. It's cocky.

Speaker 235 I can't have ruined delicious cocky for you, surely.

Speaker 137 Well, it's custard.

Speaker 69 And yes.

Speaker 100 I mean, yeah, it's not getting any better each time you say it.

Speaker 235 I tell you what, what is not just chicken that Brett has had with me is one of the cocky tarts in Ando's.

Speaker 132 Oh yeah.

Speaker 235 A pastel donata.

Speaker 205 Yeah yeah yeah.

Speaker 147 And they as the Portuguese insist on calling them pastel donata.

Speaker 103 They call it pucky danucky.

Speaker 63 Everyone knows that.

Speaker 13 Andy Zaltzmann was one of our Christmas special episodes this year and made up some bullshit courses.

Speaker 137 Hold on a second.

Speaker 57 We've only just recorded that episode.

Speaker 137 That's mad.

Speaker 21 I thought this had been on the table the whole time.

Speaker 22 We've been Darren Brown.

Speaker 192 Pedito predicted what Zaltzmann would come out with.

Speaker 1 Let's hear some of Andy's fake menu.

Speaker 258 I mean, in other wonderful main courses I've had over the years in the

Speaker 258 few of the restaurants of the American celebrity, celebrity chef Scluton Malvain.

Speaker 49 And

Speaker 258 in one of his restaurants had a...

Speaker 258 His signature thrice slapshotted puck of ruthlessly executed guiltless cow served on a sesame-besieged matrice of yeast-inflated and heat-metamorphed wheat-influenced dadot, besourced with a deconstructed and reconstructed ketchupine rouge of tomato squiger, comfortingly blanketed, with a rectangulant of time-rightened, coagulated udder-origin lactotum of maternal bovioid, or to give it its nickname, a cheeseburger.

Speaker 61 See, this is the this is what I thought would happen every course.

Speaker 29 Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Speaker 87 Andy's going to have written a bunch of stuff that doesn't exist, and we're going to have to engage.

Speaker 27 No, that exists.

Speaker 117 It It does exist.

Speaker 63 It's a cheeseburger.

Speaker 27 It's a cheeseburger, yeah.

Speaker 258 I don't know if you've been to any of Malvane's restaurants. His emoto bistro, where each dish is intended to provoke an emotion as well as a flavour.

Speaker 149 Right.

Speaker 40 It's fantastic. Wow, absolutely.

Speaker 258 Signature dishes include a hollow-eyed haddock, pessimistically served on a resigned bed of fated complete seaweed.

Speaker 258 Gunpoint served ransom of lamb's liver, frightened into a terra terrine, presented with a harrowed memory of spirit-broken split peas.

Speaker 258 and giggly hen sausages aroused in a pseudo-erotic ketchup of seriously buff-stripped tomatoes.

Speaker 62 I mean, they all sound quite nice.

Speaker 37 It was like you hit your threshold of saying stuff that was real and then you were like, I've got it.

Speaker 247 Hang on, let me just do this before we carry on.

Speaker 86 I've done nearly nearly half an hour.

Speaker 116 Yeah, it's amazing.

Speaker 23 It's interesting because your two main passions are stats, which couldn't be more real.

Speaker 86 Yeah.

Speaker 18 And absolute bullshit.

Speaker 74 Absolute nonsense.

Speaker 258 I mean, in terms of octopus, Scluton Malvain does some wonderful octopus.

Speaker 9 Here we go.

Speaker 89 I thought I sensed Andy had zoned out in that bit.

Speaker 40 He was reading this document.

Speaker 22 He's defeated this document.

Speaker 19 He was teeing something up.

Speaker 258 His protester on the first protest-themed restaurant in the world where waiters take your orders by chanting through a megaphone, what do you want? And then you announce what you want.

Speaker 258 And then they say, When do you want it? And you say, Now, and then they go,

Speaker 258 But it's amazing starters. It was a crusade of crudite of rioting riots of

Speaker 258 real grouse,

Speaker 258 placards of Icelandic elk ham, vitrioled with squid ink slogans and brandished on a Soviet-influenced sausage stick.

Speaker 258 And the main courses, I mean,

Speaker 258 the octopus dish, which is a pastry-fenced occupaciance of octopus, riot-policed with carrot batons and swayed by propagando of lefty lettuce.

Speaker 258 Hard to look beyond that. So, I mean, the beasts from around the world served overdone or under-reported, they were pretty good.

Speaker 258 And force-fed opinions of sheep drivelled in an evangelified sauce de resentment, re-drivelled in a half-baked tomato motto that was that was also excellent cannot believe kettle chips isn't in the

Speaker 29 absolutely waiting for kettle chips yeah yeah yeah plum grumble was excellent yeah that was excellent yeah

Speaker 258 and the uh furious banana banners with an absolute fool that was uh that was also good

Speaker 37 good got that off your chest yep yep

Speaker 131 anything you want to say before we go andy yeah any more bullshit on the laptop for us yeah yeah I don't want you to have written a whole

Speaker 40 dish out and we don't get to hear it.

Speaker 137 I think that's

Speaker 224 I think we've uh yeah, I think we've we've covered it, I think.

Speaker 258 Um, oh, there was well, there's um, Malvane's got a new inset restaurant.

Speaker 29 Oh, fantastic.

Speaker 258 Um, the uh oh, and he's got a uh new restaurant in Paris, which is an all-you-can-eat shellfish seducto brasserie called Moulet-Vu Buffet Ave Mois as well.

Speaker 258 Um,

Speaker 258 he's uh

Speaker 258 got a couple of Christmas recipes he's just put out on social media.

Speaker 258 One is a regretful wood pigeon hand-haunted in a memory of asparaguate wrongdoings, bondage to a bed of covertly assassinated scallops and hard-punched potato faces.

Speaker 258 Or you can go with a high-speed car crash tenderized paragon of overbearingly mothered beef groin with a splenetic reduxio, gruffly man-handled chanterelle mushroom willies and a pert bouncer of cabbage tits.

Speaker 258 But he's got a new insect. Obviously, insects are going to be the future of food.

Speaker 258 And his latest

Speaker 258 insects menu is a trio of breast of ladybird, filet de wasp, and tarantula web-snaffled moth sweetbreads, heartened by a sauce squig leash of fear-motivated larvae. Then you've got an oozeboosh of a

Speaker 258 ready-to-pop cocoon of caterpillar flouncing into a

Speaker 258 mouth-flutter of freshly buttered butterfly.

Speaker 258 And then a magateen of swat-orphaned fly infants confronted by an encroachment of filth-fed cockroaches, counter-intuited on a tally-atelly of hand-splatted worms.

Speaker 220 Beautiful.

Speaker 29 Well, that's the future of food, people.

Speaker 103 But Andy brought an extra guest with him.

Speaker 220 His stomach.

Speaker 69 How did you know that was going to happen?

Speaker 137 How did you know that was going to happen, Belita?

Speaker 34 Here's a montage of his stomach. Oh, no, no, no, no, no, that's not what it says.

Speaker 220 Oh, yeah.

Speaker 104 Someone's written this in a rush in between the records.

Speaker 36 Yes.

Speaker 223 He's a montage of his tummy rumbles.

Speaker 21 Andy Saltzman is a montage of his tummy rumbles.

Speaker 258 I think of Papno, though I do like a. I mean,

Speaker 258 the Indian breads, Asian breads,

Speaker 258 give you a lot of options.

Speaker 29 Yeah, yeah.

Speaker 137 I mean, that tummy banana as well.

Speaker 180 Yeah.

Speaker 204 If you want, you could set your dream meal in an Indian restaurant and you could cheat the system that way, get cobbled ups and bread.

Speaker 144 Yeah.

Speaker 50 But of course, the rest of the menu might not be.

Speaker 89 It might be. I mean, let's...

Speaker 179 And

Speaker 3 the stomach rubber stumbling rubbery rumbled.

Speaker 15 Mine started as well.

Speaker 27 It was the most cartoon stomach rumble that we've had had on the podcast.

Speaker 61 We've had quite a few stomach rumbles on the podcast.

Speaker 51 We've done it both.

Speaker 55 All the time I did one earth.

Speaker 76 Benito's never does because he's a goddamn robot from space.

Speaker 118 So he doesn't have any emotions, even hunger.

Speaker 86 But Andy's went,

Speaker 98 he sounded more like a turkey than you did.

Speaker 86 Yes,

Speaker 144 it was a perfect turkey impression. I wish I'd done it earlier.

Speaker 179 Any Indian cricketer from history?

Speaker 258 Yes.

Speaker 86 Yes.

Speaker 258 Oh, well, I might go with Vinu Mankad, who played for India after the Second World War.

Speaker 84 I don't know why James has asked this question.

Speaker 50 Because he's not going to know who the person is.

Speaker 158 No, no, no. Huh?

Speaker 154 You're not going to know who they are? Yeah.

Speaker 258 He was a very good, very good player, spinning all-rounder. And I'll probably choose him because he's been dead for quite a long time, so I'll get more food.

Speaker 78 Yeah.

Speaker 89 Andy's stomach's gone again.

Speaker 63 I love the stomach.

Speaker 115 I love how adorable Andy's stomach is.

Speaker 258 Whenever I do a podcast, I bring thematic corporeal noises.

Speaker 22 That's what the laptop's really for.

Speaker 109 He's secretly pressing the space bar every now and again and setting off the stomach rumble sound effect.

Speaker 190 They'll love this. They'll love it.

Speaker 14 Are you going cone or cup?

Speaker 49 Cup.

Speaker 86 Cup.

Speaker 89 Yeah. Good.
You've passed. You've passed the test.

Speaker 103 I mean, you know, you don't get cones in cricket.

Speaker 146 They all wear a cup.

Speaker 80 Loves it.

Speaker 86 God, how

Speaker 10 your stomach is. I'm really struggling.

Speaker 61 Well, you say you're struggling.

Speaker 70 I'm loving it every time.

Speaker 62 It's absolutely phenomenal.

Speaker 76 It was from the moment we started.

Speaker 183 It's not stopped. It's going crazy, Andy.

Speaker 58 It's going absolutely crazy on you.

Speaker 48 Is it a picked-up on Mike, Benito?

Speaker 74 Surely it's picked up on Microsoft.

Speaker 29 That first one has to be picked up on Mike.

Speaker 67 The first one was louder than Andy Speaks.

Speaker 61 That frequency,

Speaker 165 it was a very high-pitched frequency glitch through all of us.

Speaker 3 But that last one just then must do as well.

Speaker 206 It was quite a...

Speaker 258 Well, it's basically literally my internal monologue. Yeah.

Speaker 91 Throughout all of this.

Speaker 82 How many flavours per cup?

Speaker 84 Because sometimes I get excited and I'm like three scoops in a cup and then they all mix up and you're losing the purity of it.

Speaker 187 Two is optimal.

Speaker 258 You can always go back and

Speaker 137 get

Speaker 258 a bonus. Yeah.
If you've done well on the first two.

Speaker 113 Yeah.

Speaker 3 I find it hard not to go three because I love ice cream so much and I always

Speaker 144 go, I should have just gone two.

Speaker 183 Like I always go, now remember next time, just go for two because you know that's enough and it's nice and they compliment each other.

Speaker 258 And three is just always too much ice cream and they're not going to compliment each other as much because now you've got going different ways one of one of the best ice creams i've had was a vanilla ice cream at a restaurant in london i can't remember possibly andrew edmonds

Speaker 258 and it just had uh pedro jimene sherry poured on the top and simple but divine

Speaker 50 i love it i absolutely love stuff like that yeah with the with with the sherry poured on top it's proper yeah yeah yeah vanilla ice cream with booze on it yeah you know whiskey as well with like with that kind of ice cream oh it's great but and i don't know if this counts as dessert, but like a cheese trolley.

Speaker 86 Either or. Now, listen, here we go.

Speaker 84 This is the controversial point here, Andy.

Speaker 247 We have,

Speaker 74 and as fair,

Speaker 74 you know, sorry, someone's just wheeled the trolley.

Speaker 96 I'm not even hungry.

Speaker 156 That was the sound of the

Speaker 7 sound of the trolley wheels on the floor rolling along.

Speaker 27 And he's voting property.

Speaker 163 This has never happened to me before.

Speaker 244 Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, sure.

Speaker 3 Don't worry, it happens to a lot of guests.

Speaker 37 It's great having two guests on.

Speaker 27 on um

Speaker 72 the tummy

Speaker 103 um so listen for this transparency yeah there's guests on the podcast before who decided that they want a cheese board instead of a dessert yeah i've gone absolutely ape shit at them uh it makes me furious ed and i

Speaker 248 have both on our dream menus chose a traditional sweet dessert and a cheese board and had them you know one after the other in whatever order and we've had other guests do that and we know you've got history with that after your christmas christmas and i like

Speaker 204 i i like that because i do like doing that myself i like the cheese course as either a bridge from the main course to the dessert or afterwards by the fire with your friends just like taking your time with with a cheese board that's fine if you have it in place of the ice cream especially because it sounds delicious your stomach is going to be making way worse noises

Speaker 16 than what it's currently making i'm going to i think this is

Speaker 14 christmas episodes it'll be a shame to not give you the ice cream and the cheeseboard good

Speaker 258 yeah So, I mean, a good cheese board is one of.

Speaker 53 I'll just twist it.

Speaker 162 The stomach.

Speaker 27 Sorry about this. Stomach.

Speaker 95 The stomach's run out of battery.

Speaker 137 Anyway.

Speaker 80 I'm the stomach.

Speaker 53 Really tired.

Speaker 137 Sorry.

Speaker 154 Your stomach's on vibrate and your phone's on loud.

Speaker 14 But of course, there was one section this year that really got the listeners going.

Speaker 247 Oh, dear.

Speaker 128 Let's hear some fan fiction from Hugh Davies.

Speaker 35 Oh, no. Turn it off.

Speaker 239 Turn off the episode.

Speaker 167 Don't listen to this.

Speaker 48 You do a very grimy podcast.

Speaker 224 Yeah.

Speaker 27 Yeah.

Speaker 180 I will say, yeah, this is actually quite odd being here, quite surreal, because it was only recently that we... So I do a podcast called Slime Country.

Speaker 246 I do it with Sunil Patel and Ed Knight.

Speaker 180 And we recently, every time we read out like a fan fiction that someone's written, it just so happened that week that we found one, an off-menu one, and we had to read it out on the podcast.

Speaker 27 And I have to say, it's very, very very difficult to to listen to slash read out yeah very hard a lot it very weird because they get weird because there's always ninja turtles and that kind of thing yeah but the ones where you know the people in which is a few we had one with uncle roger last week with gordon ramsay and like gordon ramsay was it was translated from chinese gordon ramsay was

Speaker 246 he was called lao bao for some reason

Speaker 224 and um i think uncle roger was I think it was called Little Trout or something. It was quite odd.

Speaker 246 Anyway, your one was very strange.

Speaker 208 What happened in our one?

Speaker 39 So you're...

Speaker 89 By the way,

Speaker 2 before Hughes read this out on his podcast, he did message me to check.

Speaker 222 Yeah. To give my consent.

Speaker 117 And I gave yours.

Speaker 206 Yeah, yeah. I mean, no one asked me about this.

Speaker 74 Yeah, no, yeah.

Speaker 39 I knew that you'd said no. Yeah, yeah.

Speaker 27 Because it doesn't, as you'll find out, it doesn't hold you in great esteem.

Speaker 86 Oh, what?

Speaker 39 So I can't remember precisely, but I got the main points of it. It starts off, James lets himself into your flat with a spare key.

Speaker 16 Okay.

Speaker 74 You're watching some shit on television.

Speaker 180 They make sure that they say that.

Speaker 105 You're watching some shit on television.

Speaker 274 You crawl into Ed's lap and break down into tears immediately.

Speaker 167 You put myself in to do this so far.

Speaker 27 Bang on. Yeah.

Speaker 27 And then you're sort of.

Speaker 137 I've

Speaker 27 that's what people think.

Speaker 139 Yeah.

Speaker 162 Yeah.

Speaker 105 That's what the fantasy is.

Speaker 274 That's like, because it's an exaggerated version of like, so they think that you come in.

Speaker 215 You're cried about how bad your day is.

Speaker 90 The section where you're talking about your bad day goes on for so long.

Speaker 180 It's so long where you're talking about all the things you're having to you, I think you're like having problems with like your agent or something like that.

Speaker 83 And it's just comforting you stroking your hair.

Speaker 16 And then you act to me now.

Speaker 16 You're like weeping.

Speaker 275 You're like crying all the way through this and it's just stroking your hair.

Speaker 119 And then you beg him to tie you up.

Speaker 217 You like you are begging him I can't believe this someone

Speaker 18 It's too hard to read.

Speaker 252 Yeah, it was too became difficult

Speaker 180 people have written because people write these these fan fictions It's always quite funny because you're you don't really it's because if it's a if it's like the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles, it's like a but when it's real people that you you know, yes it becomes quite sinister that they would you know there's people like in a setting in which they might come to see you live and the first instance is go like i'm gonna write like a like a 16 chapter story about how while crying ed ed as as as a go-on james whilst he's tied to a bed i'm still crying for the whole thing yeah you're crying for the whole thing

Speaker 89 man yeah

Speaker 275 but this is like also the way that it's written it's like this is just normal because you've just let yourself in yeah and like as like oh here we go again again yeah i have to tie him up and

Speaker 159 it's like he's crying so much about his bad day i wouldn't recommend you listen to it because it's like no it's hard it's hard to listen to it all but i mean i'm hearing about it now and it's disturbing

Speaker 192 can't believe i'm just being tainted that's how that's all the fans see me yeah

Speaker 90 have you not ever read a fan fiction of yourself before no there's loads man that was only one of them we were gonna do a whole um we're gonna do a whole month of it because we like james a cast a month yeah

Speaker 27 crying in all of them.

Speaker 220 We're crying in every single one of them.

Speaker 95 It doesn't sound good.

Speaker 111 Oh, God.

Speaker 70 Honestly, we don't often stop.

Speaker 220 We have to stop.

Speaker 40 We've never stopped.

Speaker 78 We had to stop.

Speaker 62 It was too busy.

Speaker 180 Yeah, we couldn't get to the point where you were starting to go.

Speaker 27 And you do go for it.

Speaker 137 Yeah. Yeah.

Speaker 50 I imagine.

Speaker 86 It's got to happen at some point.

Speaker 185 Yeah.

Speaker 169 Holy smokes.

Speaker 78 Sorry about that. I can't believe it.

Speaker 163 I crawl in the room.

Speaker 145 Is that the bit that upset you the most?

Speaker 200 All of it is just demeaning. Like, I can't believe I'm...

Speaker 96 I'm locked myself in for it.

Speaker 96 I'm wearing myself in with a spare key.

Speaker 3 You haven't even got up to see who it is who's watching TV.

Speaker 71 The fact that you're not even like, oh, who's coming in?

Speaker 239 Oh, hi, Jim.

Speaker 109 You're just sitting there watching TV.

Speaker 74 And after crawling, crying.

Speaker 50 And then I'm on your lap crying about my bad day.

Speaker 32 And then I beg you to tie me up. Yes.

Speaker 251 It's not even your idea.

Speaker 61 Yes.

Speaker 275 There's a lot of nuzzling.

Speaker 90 I remember Sunil specifically being like, why is there so much nuzzling? Fucking hell.

Speaker 156 That is like, that is a sums sums up.

Speaker 64 Every weirdo who's ever seen me is that they would get turned on by the thought of me nuzzling.

Speaker 22 That's absolutely doesn't.

Speaker 11 Oh no.

Speaker 224 God.

Speaker 61 Thanks to whoever wrote that.

Speaker 26 And then what? Am I tied to a bed?

Speaker 27 Yeah.

Speaker 145 So I said, thanks to whoever wrote that.

Speaker 37 Benito put his hand to the produce.

Speaker 40 Wouldn't be surprised.

Speaker 74 By the way, if you're not listening again,

Speaker 220 the sound guy is David Dimbleby.

Speaker 16 Won't let him retire.

Speaker 86 I can't bother you.

Speaker 37 I absolutely love that.

Speaker 57 Yeah, of course you do.

Speaker 101 Yeah.

Speaker 51 Because I'm a big strong boy. Yeah.

Speaker 191 Big strong boy watching TV. Doesn't have any feelings.

Speaker 222 I said you were watching garbage.

Speaker 154 Yeah, yeah, yeah. That's fair.
Yeah.

Speaker 80 Yeah.

Speaker 275 That's the worst you've come off.

Speaker 27 Yeah.

Speaker 153 It's when you relax,

Speaker 27 you watch garbage. I like it.

Speaker 121 You come off worse, I will say that.

Speaker 105 Yeah,

Speaker 57 I've got all sorts of problems.

Speaker 62 I love that. I think that, yeah, you...

Speaker 191 Are they writing this because they find it arousing?

Speaker 57 Or are they writing it?

Speaker 274 The comments below will also be like, great, like it'd be a great story

Speaker 137 because they find it sexy yeah people read it and wank off to it i reckon geez man

Speaker 16 geez

Speaker 149 james uh i know you've not enjoyed talking about this

Speaker 149 so later on when you let yourself in

Speaker 50 i'm crying about what you said

Speaker 85 when you crawl into his lap yeah Make sure you don't get tears all over the TV remote.

Speaker 27 That's why he uses that to watch his garbage television.

Speaker 100 Garbage television.

Speaker 48 I don't have time for much and that's something tonight, so we're just going to get straight to the tying up and fucking, all right?

Speaker 74 Yeah.

Speaker 115 No, that's not for me, I guess.

Speaker 258 Crikey Moses.

Speaker 179 Does he say that? Yeah, that would be an action.

Speaker 118 I made a note of that.

Speaker 62 Right.

Speaker 21 And then he says, at the point of climax, he shouts, Crikey Moses.

Speaker 57 But there will be another one.

Speaker 35 Because there's so many.

Speaker 273 There will be another one of this.

Speaker 63 So many. Of this.

Speaker 80 People, just look it up.

Speaker 159 no i'm not looking at no way it's a dark hole you'll never get out of yeah look it up it's about what you're complaining about actually during the dark hole you can't get out of yeah yeah

Speaker 50 bad day man you had a bad day yeah

Speaker 72 bunch of creeps man

Speaker 40 that's that's that is messed up it's scary is a scary world isn't it that is scary that that's in someone's head yeah isn't it scary that some you can be so good at stand-up that people will write that about you and you have then you're forced to confront it in your own podcast.

Speaker 191 Well, it's scary that if you even

Speaker 156 do have some sort of platform and you're talking about your emotions for a second they're like i need cry so much

Speaker 119 it just becomes this big thing it's hot it's a fucking cry yeah go on keep crying cries all the time his nuzzling is crying

Speaker 106 for it nuzzling so funny also i think you're like this they kept referring they don't they refer to ed as ed

Speaker 96 oh no oh no they refer to james as the boy

Speaker 106 we read the full thing if you check out the this is this is the biggest most disturbing thing,

Speaker 183 this is the biggest plug for the podcast I could do, but you've got to...

Speaker 65 Up until now,

Speaker 92 the most disturbing thing on this podcast was when Ed said he has a spaghetti plane with the dollar pop top.

Speaker 74 But

Speaker 63 this is absolutely...

Speaker 272 This is why... Do you know what?

Speaker 200 Far too many.

Speaker 192 I hope some comedians are listening to this.

Speaker 50 I hope there's some comedians who are my friends who in the past have said to me, you should really be more open with your fans, man, and talk to them.

Speaker 191 And you could like, you know, suppose they come up to you

Speaker 21 and they want stuff from you,

Speaker 191 and you're like, oh no, I'm kind of in a rush or whatever. And that really upsets them.

Speaker 192 You should really give them the time of day.

Speaker 166 Fuck that.

Speaker 163 If that's what, if this is what they're doing,

Speaker 272 I don't want to meet a single one of these fucking creeps.

Speaker 191 Forget it. Just the boy.

Speaker 27 Yeah. The boy.

Speaker 272 The boy doesn't. If this is a hat, what's going on in their heads?

Speaker 48 Wouldn't be annoyed if you wasn't crying in the story.

Speaker 112 Yeah. If I wasn't crying in the story,

Speaker 80 what is it? Number of things, not just a cry.

Speaker 24 If I wasn't the boy.

Speaker 19 wasn't being called a boy, if I wasn't crying, if I wasn't begging to be tied up, because you apparently don't want to do it, if I wasn't like

Speaker 27 complaining about my dad, I see it as more like, oh, fucking hell.

Speaker 140 I didn't crawl into the room on all fours.

Speaker 62 That's funny, man.

Speaker 191 I'm already this subservient, like, lower than you.

Speaker 74 I don't like that.

Speaker 273 Crawling into the lap, a bit like, you know, where the cat sets herself up on a bed.

Speaker 200 They're changing. Like, I'll be fine.
Do you know what?

Speaker 128 If that is how I did things, I'd be fine with it.

Speaker 131 Yeah.

Speaker 163 But I'm just not.

Speaker 144 Anyone who does like doing that, who wants to be the subservient of that, fair play to you.

Speaker 27 I'm not judging you, but that's not how I like to do it.

Speaker 272 Are people putting it on me?

Speaker 70 Everything.

Speaker 84 I've ever seen you come into you've walked in.

Speaker 11 Thank you. I'll say that.

Speaker 89 I've got your back.

Speaker 9 We've never nuzzled.

Speaker 181 Never nuzzled. Yeah.

Speaker 40 Wouldn't rule it out. Wouldn't rule nuzzling out.

Speaker 117 That's the one thing that didn't annoy me as much.

Speaker 74 I mean,

Speaker 34 that says more about them.

Speaker 29 Yeah.

Speaker 241 So dessert then, is it?

Speaker 16 I guess we're in a dream drink, but Dream drink.

Speaker 181 Oh, my God.

Speaker 86 I forgot how awful that was.

Speaker 149 I spoke to Hugh Davies at the Plosive Christmas party.

Speaker 149 And he was saying he'd seen your special and very much enjoyed it.

Speaker 10 But he was worried when you start talking about having the boy with you on stage.

Speaker 22 Oh, believe you me, on the tour after Hugh's episode went out, there was a few people who heckled, oh, well, we know who the boy is.

Speaker 18 And the first time that that happened, I did not know what they were talking about because I do not listen back to this podcast.

Speaker 183 And it's been a very long time since we've recorded that visit, surely.

Speaker 21 It's been so long since we've recorded Fuji's episode.

Speaker 109 I didn't even know that that was the episode that had been out.

Speaker 4 So when they said we know who the boy is, I was like, what are you talking about?

Speaker 65 And then they had to remind me.

Speaker 32 I was like, well, that's ruined the whole show.

Speaker 81 Well, that's it for another year.

Speaker 35 As ever, we wrap up the best of our annual Pop-a-Doms or Bread compilation.

Speaker 241 Is this really the end of the best of, though?

Speaker 250 Maybe we'll release something else on monday merry christmas merry christmas pop lobs or bread pop dumps or bread daddy dyer pop dumps or bread well it's an odd one that because uh because you never go in a restaurant you you don't get offered that because obviously with some nutty gaff yeah uh because i'm getting the option i'm going to go pop a dumbs

Speaker 166 pop dumps or bread pop lobs or bread peter capaldi pop a dumbs or bread Oh god, that's hard. Pop dumps or bread.
Pop lobs or bread, Noel Felden. Pop dumps or bread.

Speaker 188 Oh my god, pop logs or bread.

Speaker 197 Bread.

Speaker 166 Pop lobs or bread. Pop lobs or bread, Nathan Cassidy.
Pop lobs or bread.

Speaker 22 Sorry, I'll cut you off there.

Speaker 50 I didn't expect to.

Speaker 111 No, that's all right. Well, that's the pop-lums or bread, but isn't it?

Speaker 37 You gotta cut people off.

Speaker 27 Pop lobs or bread.

Speaker 166 Pop lobs or bread, Andy Saltzman. Pop loves or bread.

Speaker 24 What bread?

Speaker 258 What are the bread options?

Speaker 78 Absolutely.

Speaker 220 Bite you on the ass.

Speaker 166 Pop lobs or bread, McCassidy.

Speaker 163 Pop loves or bread.

Speaker 86 Oh my god, I still can't get used to that.

Speaker 166 Pop loves or bread. Pop lobs or bread, Phil Dunster.
Pop lobs or bread. Bread.
Pop lobs or bread. Pop logs or bread, Elopurdo.
Pop loves or bread.

Speaker 260 Bread, please. Bread, please.

Speaker 166 Pop dumbs or bread. Pop dumps or bread, Carrie Brown steam.
Pop dumps or bread.

Speaker 217 Bread.

Speaker 166 Pop dumps or bread. Pop dumps or bread.
Well, I'll spread.

Speaker 197 Pop a dumbs or bread. Pop a dumb.

Speaker 117 I love pop-doms.

Speaker 29 Oh, yeah.

Speaker 166 Pop-dums or bread. Pop-dums or bread, Darren Brown.
Pop-dums or bread.

Speaker 86 Please, Jesus.

Speaker 256 Um, the bread.

Speaker 166 Pop-a-dumps or bread. Pop-doms or bread, Joe Hannis, vada-bay bear.

Speaker 27 Oh, vada bay.

Speaker 56 Actually, call you vadabre.

Speaker 74 Vaderbe?

Speaker 166 Sometimes.

Speaker 87 Sometimes I say bear on stuff.

Speaker 166 Pop loves or bread! Pop logs or bread, Finn Wolf hunter.

Speaker 218 Pop lobs or bread.

Speaker 193 I don't even know what the first one is.

Speaker 117 Yeah, yeah.

Speaker 166 Pop lobs or bread.

Speaker 27 Pop logs or bread.

Speaker 67 Good thing is I've heard this podcast enough to know that that's not a you know, that's not directed to me because of the colour of my skin.

Speaker 6 Pop loves or bread, Karen Gakani.

Speaker 166 Pop logs or bread. Pop lobs or bread.
Pop-looms or bread, Hammer Dana Bouchon.

Speaker 167 Pop logs or bread.

Speaker 166 Bread. Pop loves or bread.

Speaker 63 Pop lobs or bread, Hughes Gavies.

Speaker 220 Pop lobs or bread.

Speaker 132 Bread.

Speaker 166 Pop loves or bread. Pop lobs or bread, C-Mats.
Pop-lumps or bread.

Speaker 232 Bread.

Speaker 104 Pop lobs or bread.

Speaker 166 Pop-lumps or bread, Jaden Pickett Smith. Pop lobs or bread.

Speaker 163 Publubs?

Speaker 166 Poplums or bread. Pop lobs or bread, Josh William.
Pop lobs or bread.

Speaker 24 Pop dumps.

Speaker 166 Poplums or bread. Pop lobs or bread, Sasha Monica Jackson.
Poplums or bread.

Speaker 107 I'm gonna go for pop-doms.

Speaker 27 Poplums or bread.

Speaker 166 Pop lobs or bread, Sarah Bamman. Poplums or bread.

Speaker 161 Okay, I had a last-minute shift on this one.

Speaker 166 Poplums or bread. Poplums or bread, Joe Lobby.
Poplums or bread. Oh, bread.

Speaker 166 Poplums or bread. Pop lobs or bread, Sophie Wallen.
Pop loves or bread.

Speaker 47 Bread.

Speaker 166 Pop loves or bread. Pop loves or bread, Stuart Lord.

Speaker 167 Pop loves or bread.

Speaker 86 Bread.

Speaker 166 Pop loves or bread. Pop loves or bread, can you wits? Pop loves or bread.

Speaker 126 Um, can't have popped a dumbs don't have a gallbladder.

Speaker 37 Next question. Up to you.

Speaker 166 Poplubs or bread. Pop loves or bread, Ray Winston.
Pop loves or bread.

Speaker 27 Ooh,

Speaker 240 depending on the bread and where you are. In Italy, the bread's very good.

Speaker 166 Pop loves or bread. Pop loves or bread, Michelle DeSwart.
Pop loves or bread.

Speaker 195 Um,

Speaker 154 I think I'll go for a

Speaker 41 pop-a-dom.

Speaker 166 Pop-doms or bread! Pop lobs or bread, the bailiff machine, poplums or bread, bread, pop-a-domsome bread.

Speaker 80 Oh, smoke!

Speaker 166 Pop a lob bread! Pop-dum!

Speaker 166 Pop-dumb! Pop-dubs or bread! Pop-lums or bread, killer mic! Pop-a-doms or bread! None of that for me to start. Pop-doms or bread! Pop-lums or bread, Ogle-Conk, pop-lums or bread!

Speaker 126 Pop a dumbs.

Speaker 166 Pop-doms or bread!

Speaker 16 Pop-a-doms or bread.

Speaker 160 Oh, that's a really tough question.

Speaker 108 Pop-lums or bread.

Speaker 166 Pop-lums or bread, Reese Nicholson.

Speaker 154 Pop lobs or bread.

Speaker 62 I mean, every time it went a bit quiet, I was like,

Speaker 166 Poplums or bread! Pop loves or bread, Jason Manzucas, pop dumbs or bread.

Speaker 270 I'll be honest, James, it's gotta be bread because what is the first thing you're saying?

Speaker 259 Pop a dumbs.

Speaker 166 Poplums or bread. Pop loves or bread, Ragidia.

Speaker 56 Pop loves or bread.

Speaker 120 Uh, it's definitely bread.

Speaker 119 I hate poppa dumbs. They're grim.

Speaker 166 Poplums or bread. Poplums or bread, Robert Popper.
Pop lobs or bread.

Speaker 27 Okay, I uh poppa dumbs for Italian?

Speaker 128 Bread for curry.

Speaker 166 Poplums or bread. Pop lobs or bread, Hella skeleton.
Pop dumps or bread.

Speaker 173 poppa dumps,

Speaker 173 nice,

Speaker 166 problems or bread

Speaker 166 poplums or bread, pop loves or bread, Sebastian Stan, pop lobs or bread, none. Pop loves or bread, pop loves or bread.
I mean that problems or bread.

Speaker 238 Wow.

Speaker 238 I might let me jump.

Speaker 27 Yeah, it is terrifying.

Speaker 23 I haven't made anyone jump in ages.

Speaker 56 Pop loves or bread, pop loves or bread, you mean problems or bread.

Speaker 177 That genuinely scared me then.

Speaker 276 Poplums are bad. Pop loves off bed, Alice, James.
Pop loves up bread.

Speaker 276 Poplums are bread. Pop loves on bed, Matt Baton.
Pop loves on bread.

Speaker 107 Bread.

Speaker 59 Pop logs on bed.

Speaker 276 Poplars are bed, Suzanne crazy. Pop logs off bed.

Speaker 59 Yeah.

Speaker 59 For God's sake.

Speaker 272 I thought I was going to be so ready for that.

Speaker 124 Jesus, you're good!

Speaker 276 Pop logs or bed! Poplars on bed, Johnny Robbins!

Speaker 56 Poplums on bed!

Speaker 56 Well

Speaker 32 really scared you there, didn't he?

Speaker 213 Yeah, really, really, really scared.

Speaker 251 Never seen him scared before.

Speaker 276 Pop-lums or bed! Pop logs of bed, Sam Campbell! Poplums off bed!

Speaker 276 Pop logs off bed! Pop loves your bed again, sterling! Pop logs off bed!

Speaker 276 Pop logs off bed! Pop logs off bed, thank you, boy. Pop logs off or bread.

Speaker 276 He just mentioned it, so I couldn't shock him.

Speaker 204 Yeah, but he was about to take a drink, so I thought it's now or never.

Speaker 204 Maybe you'll be able to scare Frankie Boyle.

Speaker 235 I don't see why I have to choose, but as I have to choose, obviously it's bread.

Speaker 276 Problems or bread, problems or bed, it millies a motorbird. Problems or bread.

Speaker 276 So, um,

Speaker 276 poplums or bread, problems or bread, Lucy Byman, problems or bread.

Speaker 276 Oh my god, you're scared!

Speaker 276 Yeah,

Speaker 127 that's probably one of the most I've ever been scared in my life.

Speaker 23 Okay, I'm just gonna drink some water from this.

Speaker 276 Problems or bread, problems or bed, Jessica Navy, problems or bread.

Speaker 276 Problems or bed, problems or bed, Mike Wasn't problems or bread.

Speaker 59 Popled on, please.

Speaker 59 Okay, I've got a bad. Pogums or bread!

Speaker 276 Problems or bed, Joey Wilkinson. Problems or bread.

Speaker 250 Jesus Christ!

Speaker 250 Jesus Christ!

Speaker 276 Pop-doms or bed! Pop logs on bed, Tommy Taylor, pop logs on bread!

Speaker 276 Pop logs or bread! Pop logs or bed, Art of Lohan, pop logs on bread!

Speaker 59 Oh, um,

Speaker 115 yeah,

Speaker 115 I'm gonna go pop a dumbs.

Speaker 166 Pop-lovels or bread! Pop logs or bed, Jessica Hines! Pop dumbs or bread!

Speaker 114 Understand what you just said.

Speaker 166 Pop logs or bed, Jessica.

Speaker 125 This is what I heard, James at Acaster.

Speaker 6 No, no, no, no, no, no, no! Okay, so you need to slow down.

Speaker 178 You need to quieten down.

Speaker 114 You need to say it again in a calm inside voice, please.

Speaker 28 Thank you for doing this.

Speaker 14 Finally, someone's done this.

Speaker 178 Could you please say it in a calm inside voice and then I will respond?

Speaker 148 We're having a lovely discussion about creamy hole and you've shouted over the top.

Speaker 264 I heard or bread.

Speaker 123 What I did not hear was that

Speaker 98 at the beginning.

Speaker 160 Okay, so start again.

Speaker 178 Take a breath and start again, please.

Speaker 51 Would you like pop-a-doms or bread?

Speaker 220 Okay, now

Speaker 80 we're talking pop-a-doms.

Speaker 186 It's a nice challenge.

Speaker 178 Pop-a-doms. Always pop-a-doms.
Thank you.

Speaker 123 Hello, I'm Carrie Add. I'm Sarah.
And we are the Weirdos Book Club podcast.

Speaker 160 We are doing a very special live show as part of the London Podcast Festival. The date is Thursday, 11th of September, the time is 7pm, and our special guest is the brilliant Alan Davies.

Speaker 126 Tickets from kingsplace.co.uk.

Speaker 277 Single ladies is coming to London. True on Saturday, the 13th of September.

Speaker 129 At the London Podcast Festival.

Speaker 277 The rumours are true. Saturday, the 13th of September.

Speaker 75 At King's Place. Oh, that sounds like a date to me, Harriet.