Ep 271: Olga Koch

Hello, it's Ed Gamble here from the Off Menu Podcast.

Hello, it's James A.

Caster here from the Off Menu Podcast.

And before the episode starts, we'd like to talk to you about All Our Relations, a non-profit co-founded by your friend of mine, comedian Jen Brister, and Georgia Takax.

Yes, All Our Relations was originally started to support 15 families in Gaza when the genocide started, but now supports 21 families and funds several mutual aid projects, including two seven-day food kitchens and two mobile food parcel delivery schemes, as well, feeding hundreds of families in Gaza every single day.

They've created an absolutely amazing thing.

And we feel like, you know, it's the off-menu podcast.

We talk about food and we are very lucky to eat wonderful food and have access to absolutely brilliant food all of the time.

And I think we need to talk about people who have access to no food, James.

Absolutely.

So if people would like to donate, please go to allourrelations.co.uk or look at the links in Jen Brister's bio on Instagram.

Every penny raised goes to supporting people in Gaza.

Thank you so much and enjoy the episode.

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Welcome to the off-menu podcast, taking the crep batter of conversation, spreading it thinly across the hot plate of the internet, adding the ham of humor and the cheese of having a great old time.

Rolling it up and you got yourself a podcast, baby.

I love it when they have that little paddle, that little wooden paddle.

The paddle's good, man.

I was going to introduce the paddle, but I already had too many things to say.

It was of the thing of size.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

But the paddle's twiddy, man.

Watching someone who knows how to do that

is a beautiful thing.

Watching someone who doesn't know how to do that, you instantly want to walk away from the counter and not pay.

You're not going to have a fucking agreement on someone's first day where they're getting all holes in it and stuff and they're having to throw the crep in the bin with holes in it.

Some of the batter's raw.

Man.

You know, that's not cooked all the way.

Yeah.

Why are you giving me that?

Yeah.

That is it, Gamble.

My name is James A.

Caster.

Together, we're in a dream restaurant, and every single week we're inviting a guest and we ask them their favorite ever starter main course side dish and drink, not in that order.

And this week, dessert.

And this week, our guest is Olga Cock.

Olga Cock is an absolutely amazing comedian, James.

Yes.

So, so funny.

And we've, I mean, it's been been, I can't believe it's taken us this long to get Olga on the podcast.

It's embarrassing.

Very excited to have Olga on.

She is very well traveled.

She is a foodie as far as I'm aware.

Yes, she just came back from being away.

Yes.

If she wants to talk about that, I'll let her.

I don't want to do any spoilers.

No, no, no spoilers here.

And Olga's new show, Olga Cock Comes From Money, is at London Soho Theatre, December 3rd to the 21st.

And you can book tickets at soho theatre.com.

Her last show was called A Prawn Cocktail.

I wonder if that's going to come up.

But of course, if she says a secret ingredient on which we are plea agreed, she will be removed from the restaurant.

Yes, and Benito did suggest we say prawn cocktail because of the name of Holger's show.

We've chosen not to.

I feel like that's setting her up.

Yes.

Because yes, the show is about how much she loves prawn cocktails.

If it is, then we're meanies to do it.

Yeah, we're meanie beninis.

So instead, the secret ingredient is buckfast.

Buckfast.

Buckfast, I think it was an audience suggestion.

On the tour.

On the tour, potentially from one of the Glasgow shows, because obviously Buckfast has a strong cultural link with Scotland,

even though I think it's made by Benedictine monks but it's just very popular in Scotland I've never had it no I've never had it I had Buckfast ice cream once which was very nice it does sound nice I was scared I'm scared of Buckfast because it has a reputation of sending people do Lally

so I don't want to have it just in case I go bananas yeah I you know you're quite a do lally guy sometimes I'm not do Lally man I I and I don't I don't want to be do Lally so I don't want to drink something that sends me haywire what's the most do Lally you've ever been you've gone do Lally certain times?

Yeah, I've gone Dulali, but certain drinks don't agree with certain people, you know?

Yeah, yeah.

Buckfast might not agree with you.

Well.

It's made by monks.

Yeah, so what were they thinking?

What are they thinking?

Dulali.

So if Olga says Buckfast, she's out.

This is the off-menu menu of Olga Kog.

Welcome, Olga, to the Dream Restaurant.

Hi!

Welcome, Olga Cog, to the Dream Restaurant.

We've been expecting you for some time.

Thank you so much for having me.

I'm so excited to be here.

Look, we're very excited to have you.

We have been expecting you for some time because we had to move this, of course,

sadly, because Doctor Who said he could come and zoom in.

That's fair.

That always happens to me.

Did you not realise that?

Olga was supposed to do it, but then Doctor Who did it.

Really?

Yeah.

I'm sorry, Olga.

Capacity laid down.

That's a real shame.

He does that, doesn't he?

He waits to see when you're booked for stuff, and then he swoops in in the bloody TARDIS.

House of Games.

Yeah.

Pointless.

Yeah.

Did he replace this?

Have you done House of Games?

I have, yes.

Right.

Let's do it, Arts and Smash.

We weren't Arts to Smash on House of Games.

We were off menu.

Yes, we were.

We were an answer.

Oh, you were an answer.

Oh, that's exciting.

That is exciting.

I think so.

We were an answer on Jeopardy as well.

UK Jeopardy.

UK Jeopardy.

What's next?

New York Times crossword?

Oh, my God.

Well, I think we can just quit if we're in the New York Times crossword.

I don't think we're the level of highbrow that's needed for the New York Times.

No, sometimes, sometimes they go a little fun pop culture moment.

Yeah, yeah.

What would you like to be an answer on and what would you like the question to be?

Yes.

I don't want to answer the I don't want to say the first thing that came into my mind.

I think we want you to say that.

No, no, no, no, no, no.

No, no, no.

I want to be

I want to be everyone's hall pass, obviously.

Oh, yes.

Oh, right.

I want to be.

So you're when you're we were thinking more quiz shows, you've gone an answer to a hypothetical question and everyone's answer.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

I've got a question to be who in my life to have

I want a married couple to be to be having a row over one of them bringing me up and like just turning away from each other.

But if you're the answer to everyone's hall pass question, then the married couple are both bringing you up.

So there's going to be no argument, right?

But then they get jealous of each other because then they'll be like, which one of us is going to get with her?

Yeah.

As long as I'm being discussed before bed.

How do you think people so like, I mean, I'm assuming.

So less of an answer, smash, more of a smash-answer.

Oh, there he is.

There we go.

I'm assuming that most people don't meet their hall pass answers, right?

So most of the time, people say you allowed these few people and then they're never going to meet those people.

Well, that's why it works as a hypothetical question, right?

If you had a chance of meeting them, then that causes all manner of.

You can't be like your best friend.

Yeah, yeah, you're sister.

But if they do meet, say you were someone's hall pass and they got to meet you.

How are they going to go about that?

Are they going to straight away get too excited and go, you're one of my hall passes?

So it's allowed.

Let's go have sex now.

Or do they've got to play the long game, but knowing that they might fail.

They might fail to seduce.

And then they've got to go home and go, oh, man.

Is it lying to me without being transparent, saying, I'm actually married, but I am allowed, this is allowed on the hall pass program.

That sounds like a lie, doesn't it?

Absolutely sounds like a lie.

Also, then if you do meet your hall pass and

they do not want to sleep with you, do you then get a chance to change your hall pass or or does it have to remain the same?

I wonder if it has to remain the same.

And that's why you want to be strategic.

That's why you want that mid-level celebrity.

Yeah.

Yeah, yeah.

You've got to go for the mid-level.

Mid-level celeb.

And I guess you want to be transparent and say, I'm in a relationship, but this is allowed.

But then you don't want to tweak them out by going, specifically, you are allowed.

And that's it.

But also, you can't lie and say you're in an open relationship, which is not.

No, no, no, no, no, no.

You're very the openness is very specific.

The door is open.

I don't feel I could do it if someone said that to me someone said you're my hall pass i'd be like sorry man sorry that's creepy

unless the person whose hall pass you are they're also your hall pass what a coincidence that was that's the dream yeah and that's how j pinksmith and will smith got together they're walking down the same hall yeah

from that um let's segue into are you a foodie

absolutely yes um

I can I just give some context as to how I got on here.

Yes.

So I...

I mean, you're a very good comedian.

No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no.

There's,

guys, that's how I'm going to be.

I don't want any guests to have to say,

I want to let people know why I'm on here.

Yeah.

I wanted

a charity raffle.

Yeah.

This is why I'm here, guys.

This is justified.

In the year 2019, I was

beginning to date my boyfriend at the time.

Not a bad thing to say about him.

Great guy.

And one of the things.

And one of the things that we discussed was each other's ideal off-menu.

Just as conversation, that was like a fun conversation we had.

We had it.

I forgot about it.

On my birthday, I receive a gorgeous hand-drawn illustration of the entire off-menu.

And then he takes me to three separate restaurants on the date.

Wow.

That is the entire off-menu.

Wow.

That is lovely.

So nice.

He still broke up with me, but...

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

But to be honest, if I did that for someone, I'd be like, I'm not going to be able to top that.

I'm going to have to break up with him.

That's the rule.

As soon as you know you've done the best thing you can do in the relationship, you've got to end it yeah every time that every gift afterwards was like oh i book i thought you'd like nah yeah yeah yeah no way no way yeah i just imagine how that guy would have responded to your whole pass

here's a hand-drawn picture of uh javier bardem

was he right did he guess right was it bardem

he was the guy i was dating yeah yeah

the question is what was your off menu then still your off menu now has it changed no it's not.

It has changed.

I'll say that at the time, I still love all the items on it.

I think now I've honed in and gotten more specific.

So like there were things on it that were like, I want an Oreo milkshake.

Now I know exactly where I would get the dessert that I want.

It wouldn't just be the concept of it.

Also, you can't have the exact same menu, right?

Because, you know, for future partners, they're going to need something.

They can't be looking at...

It's going to fight with every partner.

Yeah, exactly.

They can't be looking at that going, well, I can't do an illustration of that.

It's already there.

We're just going to photocopy something she's already got.

That's to literally get you the food.

Yeah.

Which, you know, that's, and then they'll break up with you as soon as they've done that.

Yeah.

Because they can't tell it.

I told you a really romantic thing happened to me, and what you're saying is I'll end up alone.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Sorry, Olga, you've peaked.

Yeah.

Congratulations.

We always start with still a sparkling water, Olga.

Do you have a preference?

I'm a huge sparkling water efficieno.

I love a Sunpelli, and I love a Grino, partially because

it's more or less the same price point as the other sparkling waters, but the graphic design is so luxurious.

And the green of the plastic of the bottle is just so VIP.

And

I really am passionate about affordable luxury.

What is the actual design on the label?

I'm failing to picture it in my head.

It's just a bunch of Italian words.

Yeah, it's fancy.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

It's affordable luxury, like you say.

What I really liked about that is you called yourself out as an aficionado, and I was about to be like, that's the first time anyone's done that.

And then you absolutely nailed, you reeled off why you're an aficionado.

The color of the bottle.

Yeah.

The graphic design.

Nothing about the water itself yet.

Look, fonts are free.

Why aren't we using the best ones available?

That's always my question.

Very true.

Often.

If I see like a sign for, you know, if it's a restaurant or an independent place or whatever, and they just use a font that I'm familiar with on my own free version of word i will not go in there yeah

i don't i don't respect it at all yeah scroll down the the drop-down menu just a couple yeah yeah if i look at him i'm like that's that's papyrus and i'm not papyrus verdana

not verdana got it yeah yeah sometimes i am tempted by shit design and shit fonts though because i think The food must be so good that they don't even need to try with the same thing.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

There's a restaurant near me that's that says it has a private dinning room and i'm pretty sure that place is great

yeah the dinning is incredible they've not checked with anyone with the spelling they've gone like the food's amazing just bung that up there but you've never been there no no no no well you know you have to go there now and report back to the podcast and say how the dinning experience was the fin inning yeah the fin inning the fin dinning yeah i should go actually yeah but that's because you know it's like restaurants with good views you can't trust the restaurant

while you're compensating yeah oh interesting i didn't know that yeah you go to the bathroom.

Hell, if a restaurant has a window, I won't be.

Olga only eats in prisons.

Would that be your dream restaurant, Olga?

A windowless

room.

Is that where we're going to find this meal?

Isn't there.

There's the one, the space restaurant at Epcot in Disney.

That one doesn't have any windows.

It has like fake screens that make it look like you're in space.

You can literally see him nodding in my peripheral vision.

Yeah, you also nodded, Jen.

But what the experience I got.

Stop nodding.

Ben didn't stop.

The experience I got was both of them nodding in my peripheral.

Didn't stop.

Because you both know what Olga's talking about.

I've got no idea.

There's, well, Og's just explained it perfectly.

Also, you're getting like a fake lift, I think.

And then you're taking an elevator into space.

And then you arrive, and there are windows, but the windows are actually screens, and you just see space.

And so it's like, oh, we're dining in space.

Yeah.

So you bet your ass the food is terrible.

I would assume that that food is not.

That's bad food.

Is it like space food or is it normal food?

Oh, I'm sure they have like astronaut ice cream stuff.

stuff yeah is it like little

dried pouches and stuff yeah i mean yeah i can't imagine it being i mean my experience of the disney food was that snack your way around the park

how are we back on

any of the restaurants for constant tell you how we back on this

this is the first time i've inside the guest this this is one of the first episodes we've recorded in a long time and i can't believe it's taken us only this long to get to disney james going strap your way around the park snack your way around the park the restaurants are over over eight all of them Don't bother.

In fact, you're better off going to the space one.

At least it's a laugh.

You get to look at the space.

Yeah.

If I speak.

We can do hours on Joe's Disney food.

Oh, you may.

We can't do this.

I have a pre-prepared menu.

You can't do this to me.

That is true.

That's a pre-prepared menu.

So I don't want to get in the way of all the Disney talk.

But I agree.

Also.

Disneyland Paris food, deplorable.

Offensive.

Yeah.

Awful.

Yeah, I've heard that.

No wonder the French hate Disneyland.

Yeah, that is mad in France that you manage to have deplorable food in Paris.

Yeah, they're doing that passive aggressive.

That's deliberately.

They are just going like, fuck you.

We never wanted this parking.

You know that we know how to make food.

Eat that.

Wankers.

Did you find out if it's space food?

Oh, that is funny.

A space pad tie.

But it says just sort of the space pad tie.

That's a good pun.

Yeah, it's in space.

So everything's space, isn't it?

Yeah, but space pad.

Is that

space pad?

I've convinced myself that that's like a phrase.

I don't think space pads are a phrase.

It's not a phrase, is it?

Like a landing pad?

Yeah, so maybe I'm thinking landing pad.

But as I said, space pad, I was like,

I don't know if that's a thing.

I don't think space pads are a thing.

It made me think it was, you know?

They told me a space pad was a thing.

I believe it.

A sanitary napkin that works in zero gravity.

Oh, yeah.

A space pad.

Yeah.

Poplums or bread.

Pop lobs or bed, Oglecon.

Poplums or bread.

Poppin' arms.

Lovely stuff.

Yeah.

Very nice.

You could eat those in zero gravity, easier than bread, maybe.

What was the illustration like?

Because going by our set we had on the live tour, it's quite difficult to do an illustration of a pop-a dumb.

It was just three courses.

I'm really, really sorry.

Okay, no, no, no, that's fine.

That's fine.

That's good.

Look, that's enough about him.

It's it.

It's gone.

It's hard to do an illustration of sparkling water and a poppadum.

Yeah, it's very hard.

It's just bubbles all the way.

A massive poppadum on set, like Edward's saying.

Everyone thought it was the moon.

Yeah.

That's so good.

This an Epcot, baby.

Yes.

that's the moon that's that's a pop-a-dom but everyone everyone would get to them that would be incredible like an edible space restaurant you walk through yeah that would be like a wonka vibe yeah well i think you're i think you're talking yourself into this now olga i think it's got to be an epcot and you've got an edible moon when you walk in are you in a relationship now you don't have to say yeah if your partner hears this and they're like okay so the last guy did the drawing they're going to know so much about you from this episode and they're going to hear it and be like i could make the space restaurant for olga it's all all edible maybe

I think you underestimate both the feelings that my partner has for me and his resources

that would be too much I'll bring you a moon and it will be made

I think that would be too much for me for a big if someone made me a space restaurant and there was a popad on moon I'd be like come on desperate a bit desperate yeah it's a bit desperate but keen yeah

if you said if you said it yourself on a podcast you would love it no man too much what would you like what is your dream restaurant what's if you're not here to to talk about me on that.

Okay, but what's the Wonka walkthrough experience where everything is edible for the dream setting?

I mean, the trouble for me is that

it is the same as the Child and Chocolate Factory film.

Well, you can't improve on perfection, I guess.

But when Gene Wilder's in that place and he eats the cup and all that.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

That cup looks horrible, man.

There's so much fake facts about that film.

And one of them is that that cup is plastic and they still made him eat it.

Yeah, well, I mean, given the fact that what they did to Judy Garland back in the day, I feel feel like all of it's believable.

You can tell me.

It's like, yeah, they actually put Mark Hamill in space.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Are the popadoms from a specific place then?

And is it, sorry, is it San Pellegrino as your sparkling waters?

Is that specifically what you want?

I do love a San Pelle.

My parents live in Germany, and in Germany, they like to mix things up.

Like they have something called a spetzi, which is it's half coke, half Fanta.

They have something called a radle, which they have here, which is a shandy where it's beer and lemonade.

And they have something called a shorle, which is when you you do half sparkling water, half juice.

And you could do like black currant chorle, apple chorle, like an apple tizer.

And I think there's a sophistication to it.

That's kind of like, it's schlur adjacent, but a chorlet would like it would not be amiss in a martini glass.

You know what I mean?

And there is, I feel like it's both more sophisticated than a juice and a sparkling water.

Nice.

And I do like it.

And you buy that in bottles.

Or you mix your own.

Or you mix your own.

And then you get the proportion however you like it.

You like

less sweet, more sweet.

I really like the concept.

I think it's great.

You have that as your spark for mortar corporate.

Yeah, I think that's what I'm going to do.

What juice are you going for?

I'm going to go black current.

I do love a black currant shortly.

Your parents live in Germany.

They do.

What a global family.

We are.

Look, when you're on the run from the Russian government,

you can go wherever you want, apart from Russia.

Believe where they live, Benita.

Believe it.

I've had that half Coca-Cola, half-phanta.

It's wild now.

It's not as nice as I thought it would be.

I got very excited about it.

They bottle it.

That's crazy.

Like, they don't even, it's not just something you make at a bar.

Like, it's a drink in and of itself.

Yeah.

Is it called, is it starting an M or something?

Was it?

Metamix.

Right, yeah.

I was, for, I really like built myself up for like three days.

I'm going to get that.

Next time I'm going to get it.

And then I wouldn't get it.

I'd wimp out and get what was familiar to me, which was Diet Coax.

Yeah.

Do you, how do you guys feel about European total?

Like, like an orangina?

I love orangina.

I mean, that's just, there's a real nostalgia for orangina, though.

And the bottle's the shape of an orange.

You can't fuck with it.

It's good.

It's good stuff.

Again, sophisticated bottle.

Yeah, really sophisticated.

Affordable luxury.

We're back at it.

Yeah.

That to me is like holidays when I'm a kid.

Like being around a swimming pool or something, having an orangina.

A cold orangina, baby.

I wouldn't like the bits in it.

No?

I think that makes it, that gives the illusion of health, which I enjoy.

Oh, that's good.

Yeah, I guess you did.

Of course, you didn't like bits when you're a kid.

Of course you're one of those kids.

A little pale kid who didn't eat bits.

No,

I had to eat bits all the time.

I was going to get made to eat bits.

Yeah, because it would be a healthy boy.

My mum got us yogurts with bits in it.

And like fruit juice with bits.

I was like, I don't like bits.

She's like, well, bad luck.

Were you a crusts off kid as well?

I wish.

There's no way I could have got away with that shit.

I had to have the crusts.

Smooth peanut butter?

No, crunchy peanut butter every time.

Even though I would have preferred smooth.

Yeah, of course you would have preferred smooth.

Okay, okay, okay.

Yep.

It was just like my goddamn life, man.

And I hated bits.

When I was an adult, I was like, I'm never doing bits again.

And I haven't.

Have you not?

I will not do fruit juice with bits.

Like Like a fresh orange juice.

Look, I will grin and bear it, but I don't want it to feel like...

It feels like someone's emptied a bag of pencil shavings in my goddamn drink.

I hate it.

This is bizarre, man.

What?

Bits, you've got to go bits, right?

There'll be people saluting their texture to this.

Yeah.

No, no, no.

I don't like that.

Yoga, I can hack the bits a little bit more, but I don't like it when there's like the pulpy strawberry, horrible.

Like, like someone.

So you're in Germany just purely flavour.

You're not a texture guy.

I love texture in the right.

No, good texture.

Those aren't good textures.

Those aren't good textures.

Bubble tea?

I actually haven't done bubble tea, but I, which I can't believe I've not done bubble tea yet.

I've not drunk bubble tea, but I would like that.

The tapioca pearls.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Yeah, that's nice.

That's bits, though, man.

Yeah.

Yeah, but they're like fun bits.

And

they're not bits that feel like...

Waste product.

Yeah, the strawberry pulpy stuff is like, it's like...

What strawberry pulpy stuff are you talking about?

Okay, yogurt.

When you get yogurt that's got bits of strawberry in it, just like...

Do you mean a compot?

No, no, that's different.

I love that.

But like, I mean, when it's all mixed together already, and you just open it, and there's like pips in there knocking around

and bits of pulpy strawberry that's like, it feels like someone's like, like someone's skin.

I think this is more revealing than you realise it.

Yeah, that's a huge leap.

No, no, no, that's like.

Speak more on that.

It's just like,

yeah, like bits of people.

Maybe that's in my head because I watched The Sight of the Snow last night and they they eat each other in that.

Right.

Yeah, I think some of the things that I've got.

Oh, is that the one with the with the uh the team that gets straight in the Uaguan Mountains.

Yeah.

Great film.

But they don't put each other in yogurt, do they?

Well, kind of.

They put each other in ice and eat eat the ice to help it go down.

So I guess uh if there was yoghurt available, they would have actually they probably wouldn't have eaten each other.

If there was yogurt available.

Yeah, we've got uh enough yogurt to last us six months.

All right, we're gonna have to start eating each other and putting it in the yogurt.

Yeah, hang on, yeah.

Hang on, Terry.

Anyway, this isn't about whether I like bits or not.

This is about Olga's Dream menu.

Yes.

I love the Black Co and Sparkling Water.

The Popper Doms, are they from anywhere in particular?

Well, I, okay, am I 31 years old?

Yes.

Am I a white woman?

Also, yes.

Will I just be bringing up my recent trip to India?

Yes, also that.

We should get all our guests to list their age, race, and gender before the podcast starts.

Yes, we've never done that, but some people don't even know who we

anything about us Ed.

I think they could take a fair shot.

No, no, no.

Good luck.

Tweet your answers to Benito and guess, guess mine and Ed's

race, gender, and age.

Just guess.

And don't Google us.

Don't Google us.

Don't look at the photo.

Am I correct in understanding that I could do my own bread?

That doesn't have to be those two things.

What do you mean?

What do you mean?

I have a very specific dosa in mind that I would like as my bread course.

Oh, yeah, of course.

Promotion.

I thought you were informed.

Well, of the two, I would choose Papa Dom's.

But if I could do my own bread course, it would be a very specific dosa from a very specific restaurant.

Yeah.

Yeah.

You can do it.

Is that allowed?

Sure.

Yeah, yeah, sure.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Yeah.

So you're saying having having poppads in your breast?

Ben is writing furiously.

He's emailing my agent.

So you're saying poppadums or bread, your choice is poppadums.

But then you're inserting an extra bread course.

But I think what you're saying is you wouldn't like either of those.

You would like to do that.

If I had the option to do that, you would like dosa.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Oh, yeah, absolutely.

Okay.

Yeah, 100%.

Absolutely.

It should be dosa.

Okay, but it's a very specific dosa.

Yeah.

So I just went to the city of Bengaluru for the first time in my life.

And there they have like a tradition of South Indian breakfast, which is a very set thing.

I don't assume that you know or don't know what it is.

And I apologize either way.

Am I a white 31-year-old woman who's about to explain Indian food?

Oh, yes.

That does let them know we're not Indian, but that's fine.

You can take that off the list.

We just had one.

Maybe you're from a different region.

Yes, true.

Essentially, it's always the South Indian filter coffee, which is just like milky and sweet and delicious.

And then they have the like fermented rice dough that they make different things out of.

So they make dosas out of it.

They make like little doughnuts called vada.

They make idlis, which are like steamed pancakes.

But at this place called CTR in Bengaluru, which is the central tiffin room, they make a butter dosa that is so big, but also so shiny because of the ghee that they put on it.

You could see your own reflection.

Mirror bread.

It is.

The only thing that can make bread better is if I could see my own reflection.

Yeah.

I'd say for me, the first reflection, I'd be like, this is brilliant.

I can see my own face, my delighted face.

If it's massive, about halfway through, I'm going, I don't want to see myself.

This is awful.

Yes, we very tactically eat bits.

Yeah.

But you were like, that bit's going to look bad as we go on.

So I'll get rid of that bit first.

That sounds incredible.

It's fucking heavenly.

Also, I really like any description of food that starts with how big it is.

It is big.

It's huge.

What does it taste like?

It's giant.

It tastes massive.

And so one side of it is really, really crispy.

And because they've put so much ghee on it, it is like reflective.

But they don't flip it because in a lot of places they flip it.

And the key at CTR is that they don't flip it.

So the other side is quite chewy.

So you got both textures.

It's unreal.

See, those trees are like.

It's out of the swirl.

It's chewy and crispy.

And then it's fermented, so it's bubbly.

So it's a little bit sour.

It's, oh, God, man, even talking about it.

Do you have anything on it?

There's like, if you do like the masala one, that you, they put potato inside of it, like a little mash, but obviously delicious.

Yeah.

Um, not just plain and gray.

But honestly, I could just, because the fact that you can, you could, oh, God, sorry.

You could crack pieces off of it because it's crispy, but then some of it are chewy and they're, you tear them apart.

And the fact that it's all just a symphony of textures in one single dosa.

And you're looking at yourself the entire time.

Don't forget that.

It's

great.

It's, it's just

how big are we talking?

Do you want to see a picture?

Yeah.

On this, I mean, on the visual museum.

Are you sharing it with someone?

Are you bothered?

No, you're getting your own.

Yeah, yeah.

You're getting your own because that's your breakfast.

You decide, you kind of decide on which format of the dough you want.

Do you want the pancake?

Do you want the donut?

Do you want the dosa?

Does it have to be on a table?

Where are you going with this?

I would like it at an angle that if I'm looking up at it, I look pretty fit and cool.

Whereas like if it's

like below me and I'm looking down, that's my worst angle.

I'm not going to look good.

I'm not going to feel good about myself.

But I'd rather like if I was like laying on like a sunbed or something or like a dentist chair and it's like yeah over me and I could eat it from the ceiling and eat that so you're saying that you think you look fittest when you're at the dentist yeah who doesn't

you kidding me I was at the dentist recently

and the window was open and it was a proper uh like you know they were having to really get in there there's like you know a cavity that they were having to basically put a filling in in the back yeah really hardcore stuff and uh while it was happening a man was mugged outside

We heard the entire thing.

And the man was so descriptive.

It was like it was in a radio play and they had to convey the mugging.

He was like going, No, wait, stop.

I've been mugged.

He has mugged me.

Stop that man.

He has my belongings.

I've been mugged.

And it was like merely like detailed like that.

He's tall and he's wearing a hat.

Yeah, yeah.

It was probably like.

I thought you were going to say you were the only one who could see it happening.

Peace, Mr.

Raycaster, stay still.

No, no,

we all heard it and had to not acknowledge it because obviously

the dentist was like, this is a really tricky, because it was like the hole in the, it's right in the back of my tooth.

And he was like, this is going to be really difficult.

You're going to have to stay really still.

It's going to be really hard.

I'm sorry.

It's going to be uncomfortable.

So while it was happening, and then at the end of it all, I said, did a man get mugged during that?

And he was like yes he did I heard the man get mugged and everyone had to admit yeah that we all heard the man get mugged but had to just carry on did nothing yeah we had to just carry on and just let it happen but then you go out the man's in the waiting room with three missing teeth

how bad would the crime have been it would have to be in order for you guys

to stop it yeah I mean help I've been murdered yeah yeah yeah yeah

I need an ambulance right now I think that was when I'd have to go okay guys come back let's get out my mouth let's let's let's help this man.

Get out of my mouth.

But as it was, we're like, that guy sounds like he can afford it, whatever they've stolen from him.

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Your dream starter.

Okay, my dream starter.

And it is not because I'm currently touring a show called Prawn Cocktail, but it is 100% a prawn cocktail.

Wow's this.

Benito was lobbying to make the secret ingredient prawn cocktail for your episode.

Oh, yeah?

Yeah.

And

yeah, we vetoed it because I suspected it might come up.

Yeah.

And you were correct.

Yeah.

Well, I didn't know that you liked prawn cocktail, but I knew your show was called prawn cocktail.

But you've also now talked about loving affordable luxury.

And I feel like a prawn cocktail plays into affordable luxury.

Yes.

It's very, very fancy.

I remember May Martin used to do a bit about how as a kid you think that the fanciest thing ever is a prawn cocktail.

And I do think it's true.

There's like a refinement to it.

Like an 80s sort of cigar lounge.

Yeah.

There's something in it.

You're cheating on your wife and the mistress orders.

Okay, I'm not a prawn cocktail.

Yeah, yeah.

It's a whole pass.

Yeah, yeah.

If it's a whole pass, come on, live a little.

So for this course, would you like there to be cigar smoke in the air and you're cheating on your wife?

Yeah,

I wanted like the proper 80s.

I don't like

the European British cocktail sauce, like the one that's Mayo.

I like the horseradish red one that they served in America.

Right, okay.

Like the very big tiger prawns.

Yeah.

I want it in like the old-fashioned almost like the ice cream.

Yeah.

You know what I'm talking about?

Interesting.

Because I think we've had people say prawn cocktail before, but I think it's British people and it's more of a patriotic thing where they're like, I love the UK prawn cocktail.

With the tiny little, tiny little mayonnaise.

Yeah, the tiny little ones.

Yeah, horrible little, horrible little shrimps.

No, I hate it when they say that.

Yeah.

I want them huge.

I want the tails to still be on.

I want to grab them by the tails.

I want to submerge and drench them in the sort of the tomato horseradish sauce.

And then I want to feed it to my mistress.

Yeah.

Yeah.

It's just so much better.

So many times when people pick prawn cocktail, I'm like let's get into it and I'm hoping for everything you just said apart from the mistress thing.

Yeah, but like I'm like I want I want the prawns to be massive.

I want it to be that kind of sauce.

I want it to be in the like sundae glass.

Yeah.

And it never is.

They're always like just a little dish with like really shit lettuce and really tiny little prawns with that like

mayo kind of like tomato ketchup mix thing.

I don't know

what it is.

Whatever it is.

I don't care.

And they're all like that.

And it's going, this reminds me of being in this, going up in the 70s.

And you're like, you should not.

The British industrial food complex is just based on nostalgia alone.

There's no flavor, there's no creativity.

There, I said it.

It's impossible.

And the thing is, I am now a British citizen.

I have a British passport.

I need to be,

I got kind of feel like this is my home, but I did not eat potato smiley faces in my school because I grew up in Russia.

What were the faces like?

They were smiling, but they weren't really happy.

They were told to smile.

They were potato-grinning bears.

They were reporting you to the KGB.

And

it was the KGB, the alphabeti spaghetti.

Yeah, yeah, there was only the three letters.

Love it.

Love it.

That's good stuff.

Good Russian, Russian food jokes.

I'd also say it's very impressive whenever you see.

I've never been to an event like that, but maybe one day, fingers crossed, maybe at my wedding, you and sorry.

I want,

I love the idea of like the huge, huge,

I wouldn't even, I don't even know how to describe it.

It would be like a, almost like a fountain filled with ice.

And you know, when people just grab the prawns or the shrimp off the off the ice?

Oh, God.

Yeah, that's great.

It's like,

it's like a buffet, but it's just ice covered in giant tiger prawns.

And would you want like a moat around it of this sort of source?

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

Yeah.

And it is the whole thing is a recreation of the Carcasson cast.

Yeah.

Probably prawns.

if it is your wedding, probably a bit difficult to feed that to your mistress.

Yeah, in plain sight.

Would you want the sauce coming out like a chocolate fountain?

Oh, can you imagine?

And then you could just hold it under.

Oh, my God.

That sauce is it like it's like tomato.

It's like cocktail sauce, right?

They call it.

Yes.

So it's like very horseradish heavy.

It's very horseradish heavy because I had it a lot when I was in the States a couple of years ago.

And sometimes it's almost too punishing for me.

It gets in your nose.

Yes, yes, that's what horseradish does.

Truly.

So I grew up, my mom's party trick when she was at a dinner party.

I remember growing up and like things were kind of maybe dying down.

She was like, Let's do this.

To get the party back going, she would propose to have either a mustard or a horseradish eating competition, and she would always win.

So she challenged the biggest guy at the dinner party and be like, I bet I could eat more horseradish than you.

And the guy could be in tears and she would never shed a tear.

And I would be like, oh, mom, you're the coolest girl ever.

That's so funny.

Every time we write

you are leaving.

All right.

What's going to make people stay?

Biggest guy at the bike.

Yeah.

This poor guy doesn't want to do it.

Yeah, you big fella.

He'll let a horseman for me.

Oh, goddammit.

Even though size has absolutely nothing to do with tolerance for horseradish.

But it was more impressive the bigger the guy it was.

Yeah.

She would just eat it with a spoon.

And so I come from a horseradish forward family.

Do you think you could do that?

Do you think you could?

I don't think I could.

I don't think I could beat my mom, but I do think I have a higher tolerance than a lot of people what condiment do you think you could eat the most of just yeah just with a spoon just just with a spoon i'm so glad you asked yes i want to say garlic mayo from like any kebab shop oh that's good yeah like i want it in the big thing with the with a squeezy at the top yeah straight in the mouth yeah yeah straight into the mouth someone's just stepping on it

yeah that's a good answer because it is very what's yours Oh, and now it's hard to not just say that because...

We're counting pesto as a condiment?

Yeah.

Yeah.

That's your nightmare.

That's just bits.

No, I love that.

Yeah, tell you what that should be.

That's 100% bits.

Maybe it's just anything I had as a child that had bits in it.

I can eat pesto from the jar like a big yogurt.

Yeah.

Yeah, 100%.

Pine nut forward.

Pine nuts.

Yeah, big load of cheese in there as well.

Just like really oily as well.

Oh, no.

I've got a new one.

Uh-oh.

Laugamar chili oil.

Okay.

We go through that in our house.

I can eat that.

I genuinely eat that from the jar.

Wouldn't it be too spicy?

No, it's not too spicy.

It's like salty as well.

It's sweet.

And it's mainly bits.

It's the crispy chili bits in chili oil.

Well, I've just bought a 700 gram jar of it.

Lots of balance as well because it's giving you, it's not just one flavor.

It's ever, it's every flavor you need.

That goes on everything.

James?

I guess sour cream sauce, like the dip, sour cream dip.

Would you not feel ill immediately after eating a few spoons of sour cream dip?

You could just, I guess, imagine it's yogurt.

Yeah, yeah, it's very tasty.

I could do that.

I mean, and we know that in the past I've eaten a whole jar of salted caramel sauce before.

Yeah, that's true.

But that was, you were angry when you did that.

I was very cross.

I was

sticking it to an X.

Oh.

Just making sure she couldn't have any of it.

When I was cleaning my stuff out of the house.

I was like, bad luck you ain't getting any of that salted caramel that I was.

Oh, and you leave the jar.

I bought it like the day before we split up.

And then she broke up with me.

I'm like, oh, God, leave this jar behind.

She's going to reap the rewards of that.

Not on my watch.

Not on your watch, but also not on your watch, was just taking it with you.

You stood in the kitchen and had a whole lot of it.

You just survived the tube journey.

I didn't want it to lose its form.

With like cookie or nothing, just straight on its own, just with a spoon.

I thought I'm allowed to do this.

Now, calories don't count.

I'm grieving a relationship.

You really showed her.

Yeah, I did show her.

Did you think?

I don't think she noticed.

I mean, hopefully she'll listen to this podcast, but I don't think she's a fan of mine.

That's a good question, man.

What condiment could you eat the most of just with a spoon?

I also don't know if frosting counts, but I do remember at my peak sort of 15-year-old.

Because, you know, I don't know what your relationship with food was when you were teenagers, but it was for me, for me, it was like a competitive sport.

And so it's like three sleeps of Warriors, let's go.

And I would like my, I guess, party trick, maybe now that I'm saying this, it runs in the family.

Betty Crocker chocolate icing.

Look like a pop colour.

Just with a spoon.

Biggest guy in the school.

You'd be a Betty Crocker outside.

We used to go to a pub that served half pint glasses full of wasabi peas.

And my party trick was downing a half pint of wasabi peas.

Oh my my god, but wouldn't it get dry?

The throat would get so full.

It's so really bad, it's so spicy, and it's right in my nose.

I'm crying.

The man who said that, yeah, who's challenging you?

No,

come on, but you bet you.

Oh, yeah, I would be like, Well,

nearly last orders.

I feel like the atmos is dropping off.

I want to go on somewhere else.

Half a pint of wasabi peas, please, Barkey.

And I was the biggest guy in there, so I had to challenge myself to do it.

Yeah, you be

so.

Your mom never lost, though?

Never.

No.

She's amazing.

She's amazing.

Also, really sad thing happened that like also one of her things is that like she has a really good sense of smell.

She's a very eccentric lady.

She can like identify anyone's perfume.

Everyone always is like.

Because her nose is so open all of the time.

With the whole Spanish.

And so she,

she can like, she can smell, identify absolutely anything.

It's amazing.

It's incredible.

Also was a nightmare because it's like, she obviously could tell if you were like out drinking when it as a teenager.

And so, after COVID, she lost her sense of smell.

She still hasn't gotten it back.

And now it's like she literally had an identity crisis.

She was like, I'm not using Deodoran anymore.

Fuck you guys.

Yeah, it was really, really sad.

And now she's like kind of reinventing herself because she

who is she without her sense of smell.

But can she take more horseradish now?

I wonder.

She could take that show on the road.

She could be like one of those competitors.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Because a prawn cocktail opener.

Can you imagine just eating the cocktail sauce?

Fuck, that would be so cool uh before before into the show guys um this is my mum she's gonna eat uh she's gonna eat a bucket of cocktail sauce doesn't wear the yoga fair warning

she sticks so everyone everyone get ready for this

fun row apologize

oh also can i oh god i'm already forgetting so many things apologize hey it's our fault yeah no no there's just just a couple more things can i just throw into the bread course there's also are you guys familiar we're going back are you guys familiar with the russian drink kvas no no it is a bread drink and it tastes like bread and it's like imagine a non-alcoholic beer that's not bitter it's a bread drink so it's a it's a soda yes yeah but it tastes like bread wow that shit's amazing i can't imagine it okay so do you ever have you ever seen a sourdough starter yes imagine that as a drink imagine diluting it with sparkling water i'm not selling it well

is it sweet is it sweet it's ever so slightly sweet it's not it's not it just tastes like bread it's delicious So you would like that with your bread course?

Yes.

With your dosa.

That's fair enough.

I think that would be quite good.

And it's fizzy.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

It sounds made up from a kid's.

It's like a bread soda.

Bread soda.

Well, bread soda.

You know, when you taste cream soda and you're like, how are they making it taste like dairy when there's no dairy in it?

It's a sort of, your brain does have to adjust to be like, this is liquid bread.

I don't quite get it.

But then once you're on board, you can't stop drinking.

Yeah, I'd be totally on board with that.

Yeah, I can tell he was.

As soon as you said it, I was like, I think he's expressed a desire for this to exist in the world in the past.

I mean, I've heard heard you say you got to check it out.

Fizzy bread drink.

And I'm also really passionate about soft drinks that aren't too sweet or sweet at all.

So that's why I do love a diluted juice, more sophisticated for the palate.

And I do think Kvas is in that sweet spot where

it's not there with the Cokes.

If anything, it's chilling with the tonics.

Chilling with the tonics.

Would you ever put a mixer in Kvass?

You could.

I don't know

what liquor would taste good with bread.

Some sort of butter.

Yeah.

Some sort of buttered liquor.

Butter drink.

Yeah.

Ooh, like a Frangelico.

Yeah.

Or like a Bailey's.

Frangelico.

I bet a Bailey's would taste delicious.

Bailey's does tend to curdle when bubbles are introduced.

This is true.

This is true.

Would a cream soda?

No, it wouldn't.

What would you put in a cream soda?

You'd put a whiskey in there, surely.

Yeah.

A whiskey cream soda would be delicious.

Oh, God, yeah.

I started making a new whiskey cocktail recently.

Drink it all the time.

I've had to stop.

I'd stop.

I was having it every time I watched the Traitors.

I'd have this whiskey cocktail.

What's in it?

Beetroot juice.

For a guy who eats bits.

yeah

he loves beets though i like bits of beetroot yeah beetroot juice beetroot juice and i didn't have all the ingredients so i had to sub some of them so i've i got uh the grenadine syrup instead of beetroot syrup with the beetroot so beetroot juice grenadine syrup yeah bitters whiskey and rose vermouth really i just i saw that i had rose avermouth and then i googled what cocktails i could make with that but you've added the grenadine right the grenadine's new so this is a new cocktail you've invented a cocktail i've invented a cocktail also sometimes that's porsche i add in some ginger i've got that ginger shot stuff in my fridge yeah so i just started bugging that in as well and it was quite nice so i've added that to it so it's like healthy also yeah it's only healthy it's really really healthy and uh because i drink it while watching the traitors i started calling them you know faithfuls that's good that's really really really good and uh got a few of my friends into them but uh yeah Now that the Traitors has finished, I've had to be like, right, that's got to be the full stop on that, man.

You can't keep drinking those.

But it's your five a day.

Yeah.

Yeah.

If it feels a bit mad, it feels mad to be drinking them all the time.

I was like, you know, the big Lebowski with white Russians, I felt like, no offense.

I felt like that with them.

I felt like that with this.

I was like, I'm drinking these too much.

I've got to

stop having them.

Yeah, three times a week.

I'll probably have two during the Traders.

When you think of someone having a drinking problem, you don't picture them drinking beetroot juice at any point.

Yeah, but that's the thing is that lying to yourself with that, going, oh,

it's fine.

I'm making the whole cocktail.

This is okay.

This isn't a problem.

You're like, you've found six of these this week because of how often

three times a week.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Do you think that's how Shirley Temple felt when she was drinking all those all that grenadine?

Yeah.

Going through bottle after bottle.

That's exactly how she felt.

I know exactly how Shirley Temple felt.

So yeah, I mean, I'd recommend it to people.

It's a delicious cocktail.

Yeah.

The faithful.

The faithful.

Your dream main course.

Main course.

Okay.

so I didn't eat meat for about seven years

for no other reason than I just like dared myself not to.

And so I didn't.

And then I think last year I had this moment where I was like, why am I not eating meat?

I have no reason not to.

So I jumped back in.

I'd say one of the most formative experience of jumping back in was I was eating at the Ritz restaurant and they brought out something called a duck press, which was absolutely nuts.

Are you familiar with duck press?

I am.

Please describe it.

So it's a very fancy metal contraption.

It puts tremendous pressure onto cooked duck bones, then makes, extracts a liquid, and then turns that liquid into a sauce.

What the?

So what I'm trying to say.

I went from not eating meat at all to saying meat isn't enough.

Juice the bones.

Just juice the duck bones.

Juice the bones.

Wheel out the torture equipment and juice those bones.

But also what was really exciting after not eating meat for seven, eight years was I got to eat all the basic meats as if for the first time.

So I'd be eating Spack Bowl and be like, this is incredible.

Because my mouth forgot it.

Like eating fried chicken for the first time in eight years.

It just blew my freaking mind.

Did you?

Now, when you were doing this, when you were going on this

meat exploration, the rediscovery of all the basic meats, did you make sure to pick the best, a good version of each one?

Or were you just like get it in minimum?

My very first one that I broke the Lent with was,

what's it called?

It was the corned beef on rye at Cat's Deli.

Well, there you go.

Okay.

That was like,

we filmed it.

It was like a whole

introduced to meat.

But I'd say the most, the most delicious, now that I've been eating meat for like a year now, the most delicious has to be the lamb at Al Calf in Whitechapel, which is a Somali restaurant.

And it like, it's lamb that falls apart.

It's one of the most delicious things.

It's, there's not much there on the plate other than the meat because the meat speaks for itself because like it's lamb that's been cooked for ages and it's it's melt in your mouth.

It's absolutely delicious.

But apart from the fact that it is one of the most delicious dishes I've ever had, I realized that it had that ratatouille, reminded me of childhood moment.

Right.

Because my grandmother was raised in Kazakhstan.

And in Kazakhstan, they make something called Birjbarmak.

Another bloody country thrown in.

Wait, it's passed across to how many countries is.

Such a global family.

Edge's entire family tree is one street in Wembodham.

So I like

island, actually.

Yeah, yeah.

Korean, yeah, yeah.

Whatever, man.

So she used to cook a dish called Bijbaramak, which is like local to Kyrgyzstan and Kazakhstan.

And it is that like fall apart lamb with some egg noodles in it and some raw onion it's the most delicious thing you'll ever like it's just meat at its purest form we're not we're not talking seasoning we're not talking marinade it's like is the fattiest lamb you've ever eaten in your life wow and it's it's gonna blow your mind heaven but also she was sorry i'll stop talking do you could interrupt me at any point because i could talk about why you're a food why you're a guest on our podcast

when you're talking about food on our food podcast when you're a guest

well this one goes on a bit

Quite a lot to say about food, actually, weirdly.

So my grandmother, who grew up in Kazakhstan, Nina, all of her grandmothering revolves around fear-based things.

So like she's like, don't eat too much sweets because your butthole will still stick together.

When I was growing up, I would be terrified to eat too muchy sugary sweets because like the syrupiness of the sweets.

It would stick your butthole together.

Yeah, and you don't want that.

Your grandma would say, but it would stick your butthole together.

Poppo slip nitza.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Yeah.

And then you'd be like terrified because you're like, oh, I can't eat it when you want any more chocolate.

Is that like a phrase?

Like a phrase that you're talking about.

I've never heard anyone say it other than her chocolate.

Or was she genuinely saying to you,

your butthole will literally stick together if you eat too many sweets?

And as a kid, you'd be horrified.

And it was an effective, an effective tactic.

Wouldn't have worked on me.

No way.

Win-win.

How is that win-win?

I don't know if I enjoyed going for dumps that much as a kid.

Yeah, but you must have understood.

uncomfortable to have your butthole stuck together.

Nah.

Well, then you just get really full, right?

Yeah, where's it all going?

Yeah.

Well, that's

keep it in my body for longer.

That's nice.

I like sweets.

Yeah, but you don't like having the sweets in your body, right?

You like the taste of them.

I need to call my grandma.

She'd be able to argue out of it.

She's like, I'm stuck in my butthole together.

What were some of your other grandma's fear tactics?

So one of them had to do with the lamb.

Yeah.

So, okay, so because it's really, really fatty and really, really hot.

Makes your butthole massive.

if only

and then

a girl can dream so it's like it's salty it's fatty it's really really hot and because it's so salty you really want to drink cold water because it's really hot but then i i'm assuming it's kind of true or she just did it for fun she's like you can't drink anything cold because all the fat will just solidify inside you and you'll die

It's very, very body horror.

All of your grandma's stuff was about being constipated in some way, right?

Yeah, yeah.

So then you'd be, you'd be terrible.

So you'd be so thirsty because it would be so salty, but you wouldn't be able to stop eating it because it would be so delicious.

But then you would be so scared to drink anything cold because you didn't want it to solidify inside of you.

And then you die.

And then you die.

So it's like she would give you just like the hottest tea with it, which didn't help the thirst at all.

Yeah, it's a sort of really panicked.

I have a nostalgia for this panicked feeling.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

There's got to be some sort of like jeopardy involved, I guess, with whatever you're eating.

Yes, you're battling the food in a way.

And and so when i had that that lamb at alcaf the somali restaurant i it brought me back it brought me back did you have a cold drink with it no i was too scared i to this day i'm too scared still won't do it i don't know the science behind it but i'm scared what if it turns into aspic inside of me yeah every time you eat sweets do you think about the butthole sticking together thing yeah what it is

That stays with you.

Yeah, but it was going to stay with me.

She wasn't even my grandma.

Looking at the sugar content of a thing?

Yeah.

How much is my butthole gun?

Now, where's my butthole at at the moment?

I have an announcement.

I'm going to stop eating fried chicken for seven years.

I'm going to do it.

What?

You'll be able to.

You will actually do it.

Olga's thing made me really jealous, so I'm going to do it.

I'm going to stop eating fried chicken for seven years.

Okay, but that's not Olga's thing.

Olga's thing is she stopped eating meat for seven years.

Yeah, no, no, but I'm going to do just fried chicken.

Just so you can taste it for the first time.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

It's incredible.

It sounds great.

Yeah.

Music starts playing.

It's amazing.

I'm going to do it.

Yeah.

Seven years today.

What's the date today as we're recording?

29th of Jan.

Seven years today.

So on on the 29th of Jan, 2031.

I have fried chicken for the first time in seven years.

Do you know which one you're going to get?

Oh, no.

Now I've just figured out I can't have the count of fried chicken from cricket for seven years.

Yeah.

Because you can't have fried chicken.

Forget it.

The bet's off.

The bet's off.

So is it the lamb from Whitechapel that you're like?

Yes.

Yes, I would.

What's the place called?

Al Calf.

I'm going to go.

That sounds amazing.

Yeah.

I also have the name of it.

It's called Zanid.

uh-huh the lamb

it's x-a-n-n-i-d i think if someone told me for seven years you can only eat one meat yeah it would be slow-cooked lamb i think slow-cooked lamb with the fibers falling oh my god it's incredible and it's so easy to do at home as well it's like the easiest thing just is it really yeah just bung it in the oven for like five hours on low get a lamb shoulder put some spices on it and stuff and then the fat will do the work itself oh my god it does all the work

and it just fills the house you put it on at like 10 in the morning and it just smells like lamb in your house all the time.

It's good stuff.

He's in a very good mood when he's got the lamb in the oven.

I think.

That's true, man.

You should always have a lamb in the oven.

Yeah.

I'm thinking of getting myself like if they do a glade plug-in of slow-cooked lamb.

No, that won't work for you.

You have to know it's not.

Yeah, I have to know it's on its way.

Yeah.

Oh, God, I'm really hungry, guys.

And this is a pleasure that my mother cannot experience.

Yeah, of course not.

Gilson sent to her.

She can't smell any

lamb in the house.

Yeah, but you've got to look on the bright side.

She can take down jars after jars of horseradish.

Yeah, yeah.

She's taking down big guys all over the shop.

It's very rare that someone who's like, you know, number one in the world gets even higher.

Yeah.

But your mum was like number one of eating horseradish and now it's like even better.

To see that, to see someone excel when it needs to.

You know, I'm imagining your mum in like global competitions of eating horseradish.

Have you ever seen, have you seen clips of the slapping competitions?

No.

So it's like this new like stupid sport that I've seen loads of clips of on the internet, where it's normally like two big men stood opposite each other and they just take turns.

They like chalk up and slap each other really hard.

And how are they measured?

Like if the guy is knocked out, basically.

Oh shit.

Oh my God.

Like fully loose.

Their legs go and they're wobbling about all over the place.

It's really good.

And sometimes they slow it down.

Like in a looty tune.

If there's like a bird starting.

And their face goes all wonky.

Oh, it's great stuff.

Yeah.

But I'm imagining your mum stood opposite like a massive dude with like a favorite head and they're just eating they're going spoonful for spoonful until the guy goes

and falls over

steam out of his uh yeah

obviously yeah it's it's like a sister competition to the nathan's hot dog you kind of be in the camera and there's a smaller lower table where people are eating conditions and you're saying there's nothing with this lamb as well by the way from what i remember i think it's very very the the how impressive it is is the fact that it's just like the lamb is speaking for itself and you don't want anything else.

Do they do lamb presses or is it only a duck press?

Look, theoretically, we could put anything we wanted in that press.

Yeah.

Let's just get our hands on one.

It's like the, sorry to go to more internet videos, but the.

I know exactly what you're talking about.

The hydraulic press videos.

Yeah.

I know what you're talking about.

Well, you know, like a hydraulic press, like one that has like thousands of kilograms of pressure.

They use the crush things.

Compact things.

They use trash compactor.

Yeah, it's like a trash.

Yeah, like a trash compactor.

But there's one account that I follow on Instagram, which is just loads of different things put in that to see how they see how they crush.

And they just do that.

Yeah.

So someone who has one of those machines.

Yeah.

Well, at work.

Yeah, I guess so.

And just films like, you know, toys in it and play-doh and stuff.

We show up with a lamb shoulder.

Yeah.

I guess you could press lamb bones.

I would assume so.

Yeah.

I guess the duck's easier with like a hand-cranked one

because the bones are smaller and like, yeah.

Does this person own like

are they the boss of this work, do you think?

That has the hydraulic press?

Do you think they're the boss?

I'd imagine so, because the account's got a lot of followers.

So I think their boss would have caught on by now that they're using the hydraulic press to put like...

And it doesn't feel like a domestic appliance.

It does feel industrial.

Oh, it's industrial.

Yeah, it's not in someone's house.

But I think they only use it for that now.

I think the account's got so big that they don't need it because otherwise you're not going to, if you need it for trash compacting, you're going to have to spend the whole time like cleaning oranges out of it and stuff.

So that's become

the main

source of income is putting different stuff in the hydraulic press.

Yeah, yeah.

That's how I want to go.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Imagine that might be a job.

Duck press me.

Oh, yeah.

Yeah, in your will.

It's not a cremation or burial.

I want to go in a big duck press.

Juice my bones.

Juice my bones.

And then they just give you the juice of it.

Because like, yeah, they wouldn't take you home in an urn.

It would be like in a juice box.

Yeah.

Yeah.

A juice box.

I like a straw in.

Yeah.

So proper like factory sealed in the juice box.

Yeah.

That would be chic.

And then you just mix me up with some sparkling water.

Good to go.

That's that.

Yeah.

If they juiced your bones, James.

Would you have bits or no bits?

Well, obviously, no bits.

Oh, perish the thought of bits in my bones.

I hope they just get a lovely clear juice.

Oh, yeah, that would be the final insult.

If I, yeah, they've got bits in my bones.

James Eckster smoothie.

Disgusting.

Yeah.

It better be smooth.

Yeah.

It's not called a bitsy.

Put it that way.

Dream side dish.

Dream side dish.

I filmed a TV show in Bulgaria this summer.

Another country?

How am I going to deal with that?

I'm so sorry.

So's our arms are worldly travel.

So the national salad there, one of, is called the Shopska salad, which is my understanding is there's like a huge rivalry with Greece as to who owns the cucumber, bell pepper, tomato, feta, olive

salad mixer.

Very bad news for Bulgaria.

Greece is one.

Yeah.

Oh yeah.

That's a Greek salad.

I'm going to throw something out there about why I think the Shopska Bulgarian version is superior.

I'm ready to get canceled by the Greeks.

What they do in Bulgaria, which I thought was genius, is that they grate the feta so it mixes in in a way that you never get with a Greek salad.

With a Greek salad, you're either just eating a whole bit of it.

It's never in conversation with anybody else.

Sometimes they put the whole block just on top.

Yeah, they don't even chop that thing up.

Yeah, that's a smuggle.

That's a smug.

I don't like it when they do that.

But what I'd say to stick up for the Greeks once and for all.

I like it when it's cubes because then you get a treat every now and again.

So it's like it's like a kebab of yeah, you get, you get little, like just chunks on top.

Yeah.

They can be mixed in fine, but on top's fine.

So I like it.

You're sharing a big Greek salad with someone.

I like to be like, I'm going to take a few bits of feta here.

And if anyone says anything, I'm kicking off.

And you're eating like the cucumber, eating the whatever else is in it and then and then you're like oh got a bit of feta hello treat time like a curly fry in a in a thing of straight fries like a curly thing and like a curly fry

straight fry

I'm so hungry

yeah but it just feels like you know that's the fun bit of the salad right I see.

I mean, it's, I guess, everything else you're having a five a day.

And it sounds like something

you would make up as a narrative to justify the inferiority of the Greek salad.

Whereas in Bulgaria, they just saw a problem and they they solved it.

They brought a cheese grater and they thought, why not mix it in?

Why not have every bite have a little feta treat?

I think it sounds better.

I like the idea of it.

I'll stick to my cubes from now on, but here's my question.

How the fuck are you grating feta?

It's a quite quite a firm cheese.

You go on a large, on the large whole setting?

No, I think for me, if I'm touching a block of feta to a grater, I might be able to get one grate down, but then it's just collapsing against the fire.

Okay, so what you're thinking of is a perpendicular shave.

I'm thinking of a parallel shave.

So you say skinny side and you just go long.

Yeah.

And that's just a couple, just a couple of grates, really.

I'm getting some hand in there.

Definitely.

Yeah.

I'm eating delicious.

I eat meat now.

I don't think I've ever grated anything like that.

You're not grateing the little cubes, you know.

No, I know.

You're grateing the whole block.

They're not great in the little cubes.

I'm thinking if you're going like this with the block, I'm thinking going like this.

Yeah.

I don't know the difference between what you just did.

So, okay, I'm trying to

get so that I've described it.

That's a block of feta on the table.

I'm thinking you pick it up and you grate like that.

Like a T-shape.

Yeah.

Side by side by the way.

Pick it up and go...

And hold it down.

Oh, like, just they're both.

Yeah.

And that way it doesn't break off.

Yeah.

I don't know if I'd think both of them would break, really.

I think both of those would result in a breakage.

I would lay the grater flat down on the table and then just grate over the top of it with the fetter.

So the fetter's in charge.

And I think then it would stand a better chance.

Yeah.

But still, the angle is the question of the angle is still there.

Are you holding it long side or short side?

I guess I'd like to be laid down in a dentist's chair with the grater in front of me.

And I'm going to steal it like that, let it fall down straight into my mouth because then anything that crumbles, you just get all.

You could freeze the feta for half an hour so it maintains its robustness and then grate it.

And then it's defrosting as soon as it hits the salad if it's small enough bits.

Like a snow cone.

Like a snow cone, exactly.

Yeah.

Shaped ice.

Yeah.

Where do you stand on whipped fetter?

i love it

is it what give me a context what context are you having a whipped feta in i had some whipped fetter almost like as a dip with loads of like butternut squash that they'd uh cut up and i could just like i like that i like the idea that you can have that flavor in a dippable form yes i'm on board i'm sorry yeah it was very very good But I guess this grated one is not.

That's not the same dip.

I mean, theoretically, you could do a dollop of a whipped feta in the salad dressing, shake it up, and then it's even farther than the Schropska salad because it's in the dressing.

It's double feta.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

I mean, I love the salad.

I would eat this salad.

It sounds fantastic.

It sounds better.

Like, I do like, I like all the different ingredients in a Greek salad, but I don't like the cubes and stuff.

It does annoy me that I've got to basically just make my own little perfect bite every time.

Whereas your one just sounds like it feels like a clever solution.

Yeah.

How many olives are in there?

Are they grating the olives?

Are they grating everything?

No, no, no.

Nothing else is grated, but then you're welcome to, I guess.

Yeah, I kind of would like to do do that.

You want to grate the olives?

To make a slaw.

Yeah, like a great salad slaw.

Yeah, yeah.

Grate all of it.

Yeah, yeah.

Maybe that's the way isn't it.

You've invented bits.

Oh, no.

Oh, no.

You've got a whole bowl of bits.

What the hell have I got?

I guess, yeah, that's quite a nice

personal arc for me.

Because what you should like is a completely smooth Greek salad.

Yeah, yeah, just a milkshake.

Yeah.

I wouldn't be against it.

A delicious, savory milkshake.

Yeah.

Yeah.

But no i guess i like the sound of this bit salad now yeah just put it all in a blender and then it all just like grate up in there

and then just collect it all in a big bowl and then spooky if you heat it up but it would be like a delicious tomato soup wouldn't it would it i don't know there's because there's cucumber in there and stuff i think

even like grating a cucumber yeah and there's so much water i bet you'd end up with like my least favorite thing when you're eating something and you pull back one mouthful and there's like a little wet bit at the bottom hold on a second like a little puddle this This is big news.

This is Ed's least favourite thing when eating this has taken them many episodes to find out.

It's not good, man.

If I make a bolognese or something or I don't cook it for long enough, so there's like too much moisture in there, you put it in the bowl and then you eat a bit of it, then there's like wet stuff at the bottom.

I hate that.

Not fully.

Do you know what he means?

I think scrambled eggs, that happens all the time.

Okay, yeah, I get it.

I get it now.

Yeah, that's the worst.

Secret puddle.

That is gross.

That's gross.

So that's your least favourite thing?

Yeah, yeah.

I don't like it.

Also, if if I've cooked it, it makes me not proud of what I've done because there's a secret puddle, and that was my fault.

That's a shame.

Would you have a least favourite thing when eating?

Oh, man, that wasn't in the fucking brief.

Are you kidding me?

Are you fucking serious?

That's a pretty big question.

This is really big.

It wasn't in the brief question.

Tell us what your grandma said, sweets do to your butthole, but you still brought it up.

Yeah, no, I hate it when my butt chicks stick together.

I hate it.

You don't usually leave that off the brief.

I'm not a huge fan of mixing chocolate with fruit with very sour fruit.

Oh, no.

Like when I see like an apple chocolate thing, that makes me confused.

Yeah,

those two shouldn't be together, I don't think.

No, no, no, no, no, no, no.

Because you see like when you see like a toffee apple,

a toffee apple, and then they'll also sell like a chocolate-covered apple.

Again, at Disney, there I fucking said it.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Those are not too, the families should not.

No.

No, no, no.

Toffee apple is one of the biggest disappointments for me.

I don't mind a toffee apple, but when chocolate comes into play, I'm out.

Or when they put like Oreo crumbs on it, what are we doing, fellas?

But when I first heard about a toffee apple, I thought, well, that sounds like the best thing ever.

Yeah.

And then I had one and was like, it's mainly just like an apple.

It doesn't matter.

And it's a mess to eat because all that's all sticky all over your face.

I think they should do the individual slices.

If they sliced up an apple and then toffied each individual slice, I'd eat that.

That is a party.

That would be great.

On a stick?

Ooh.

Well, a big bag of them.

I'd have a big bag of those.

Walk around Disney.

I just think you don't need to mess with the apple, you know?

I like an apple and peanut butter.

Apple and peanut butter, best snack of all time.

That's actually true.

Best thing at MS, the apple and peanut butter.

Very, very nice.

Very nice.

Again, sliced apples.

Yeah.

Yep, it's Granny Smith apples.

And it's chunky peanut butter.

And chunky peanut butter.

What are you talking about?

The superior apple.

No, I hate Granny Smith.

It's the superior apple when it comes to peanut butter.

Yeah, every other apple is too mealy.

I don't really want an apple with peanut butter, to be honest, but I definitely don't want a goddamn Granny Smith.

Disgusting.

I had a pink lady tartatan the other night, and it was absolutely outstanding.

Ed, your wife is going to listen to this podcast.

It was on my hallputt's list.

Is pink lady not too sweet for a tart to tan?

No, you want sweet on tart tartan, right?

Do you?

Yeah, I want sweet, sweet all the way home.

Okay, fair.

As the old phrase goes, if you don't, just tell him.

You disagree with that.

Don't let him convince you.

I understand your point.

You want like maybe a little bit of acidity.

Yeah.

Because then you're putting so much sugar in it already.

You want the fruit to bring the tart.

Yeah.

I'm of the school of desserts.

The highest compliment is not too sweet.

Yeah, yeah.

This was very sweet, but at the time I enjoyed it.

You don't have to get defensive about it.

That's okay.

I liked it.

What do you do with your glued together butthole?

My butthole looked like a toffee apple after a finisher.

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Your dream drink.

Okay, so my dream drink, just to clarify, is this a dream drink for the entire meal?

Up to you.

It's up to you because if you wanted to throw in a couple of different drinks.

I'm just going to go with one.

Okay.

Just because I think it's the superior one.

I don't know if it pairs well with this meal, but I don't think it pairs well with anything.

And so it pairs with everything.

Yeah.

And that's the biggest possible cup of iced Duncan donut cold brew that you could find.

This might be the first time cold brew has been a dream drink.

Yeah.

A dream drink on the podcast.

And Duncan.

Duncan gets a shout out shout out to duncan

so if you're doing it in america i would say that the size it's like the texas bedpan that's how big you can get like bucket sizes yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah and so you fill it to the brim uh cold brew and this is a game that because i go on on an american road trip every year with my friends and we invented this game because if it's like a six-hour drive day which there will inevitably be one of you are your mother's daughter

you got a game you gotta get a food game find the biggest guy on the side of the road yeah yeah yeah yeah chuck that um I'm going to say this now.

Remember how civilized and wonderful this conversation has been up until this point because this is going to make her break it.

Okay.

So what happens is you take the biggest, biggest possible cup.

Yeah.

You fill it with coffee.

You get it at one gas station.

You drink it until the other gas station.

Yeah.

And then you try to fill it with piss and then

the empty glass.

And then you compare with the other people

who got closest to one-to-one.

I'd say it's the greatest road trip game ever invented.

So the aim is to get

as much as you just drink.

Yeah.

This is fantastic.

And then you've got to compare.

So like you win if

it's the same amount.

You have to come out and compare side to side.

You can take a picture.

We used to just take pictures.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

You take pictures at the same angle.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Before you have the coffee, I'm so sorry.

Is there a certain amount of time that you're not allowed to have had a drink?

So it's a fair comparison.

I don't know if I don't know.

Okay.

Because, look,

we can't guarantee that it's all cold brew.

No, the technology doesn't matter.

guarantee that.

You can.

You all have your last

at 11 p.m.

the previous night.

Yeah, not a drop.

And then I just think you should be doing these things properly if you're going to do it.

And then not a drop until the cold brew.

And then you know that you're all sluiced out.

So then you're all just, you're all just...

Monitoring each other during the morning shower.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Keep your mouth shut.

Caught with a camel back

in the back seat.

And do you

win this competition very often?

Can you?

Can you win it?

Does anyone win?

But are you good at this game?

Like your mum is good at the horse radio?

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

I'm pretty good.

Yeah.

Pretty good.

To be fair, sometimes I'm the only participant.

Guys, that's compact.

Hogger, we were joking.

We never join in with this game.

Is the main worry,

how many times have you done this?

We've done two or three road trips, and we'll do it like a couple of times a road trip, I think.

Yeah, it has to be a perfect storm.

Is it normally too little or too much are you under are you underfilling or overflowing normally it's under which is the best if you're not going to hit it bang on it's best to be under i'd say yeah i'd say when you when you think you're overflowing you could just swap to the toilet that's there you could swap you've got a so are you positioning it right in front of the toilet then or you see it's like a pregnancy test situation where you're like hovering over and then you sort of swoop in.

That's my technique.

Again, it depends on what kind of machinery you're working with.

It's the best test ever.

Just to get an empty Cold brew cup and then just dipping it in.

Swirling over around like a

coffee star.

I'm pregnant with coffee.

It's a donut.

A little donut slash.

A little donut appears.

Well, so you want the Dunkin' Donuts.

You haven't looked me directly in the eye.

Is it

funny?

Is it like just cold black coffee?

Is it just a cold blue cuff?

You're not having any economic coffee.

Because it's also a powerful diuretic, So it's really helping the game.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

You're not waiting around to be.

You all need to be at the next gas station.

I don't know.

I could fill up with shit, probably.

That's level two.

Not if you had sweets.

Right, everyone have some sweets before we do this challenge.

You've got to gum up one entrance.

I thought you were going to say you had it and then...

And then you all had to hold in doing a shit is what I thought the competition was going to be.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

You're the person who goes longest without having a shit.

That's the saw trap.

Yeah.

Ultra.

I want to play a game.

This is the biggest cold boo you can give.

I'm ducking donners.

For too long you have shit without caring about others.

And your grandmother turns out to be the killer.

Yeah.

The sore killer.

I shouldn't know.

I mean, but you want that cold boot as your dream.

Are you going to play the game at the Dream Meal?

Yeah.

Yeah, yeah.

It's a lot of fun.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Especially if I'm eating with somebody.

Yeah.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Yeah.

Otherwise it's sad, right?

Yeah, it would be very sad otherwise.

I mean, I love that we've got cold brew on the menu finally as well.

Yeah.

Nice.

It is delicious.

I do love a cold brew.

Because iced coffee, for me, doesn't give me the same caffeine buzz as a whole coffee.

It just takes a super watered down espresso.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

So I need my coffee to be hot when I'm buzzing.

Are you right, James?

There's a fly in front of the mic.

To drop some bars.

Yeah.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

I was like, no, to hear your dream meant you fly.

Your dream dessert.

Okay.

Also, where was that Oreo milkshake that we were promised earlier?

Well, I've changed.

You've changed.

I've changed.

I'm a new woman now.

It's a shame.

Do you like an Oreo milkshake?

Yeah.

I also love coffee.

I mean, an Oreo milkshake is a superior milkshake, especially when they're thick, when you put a spoon in it and then it doesn't move.

And then there's the extra in the middle yeah don't don't don't i always i i i unfairly overlook oreo flavored things all the time just because they're everywhere so i always skip over it i don't get it but every time i do have something like that i am like why am i not doing this all the time because the biscuit is so salty so great and and it's the saltiness that makes you want more because it's salty and sweet when is a drink so thick it's not a drink anymore is my question Definitely not when it comes to Dunkin' Dolan's Goldberg.

When is a drink so thick?

I mean, that's bits.

when do bits reach critical mass yeah when do bits take over and then it's uh it's no longer a drink because milkshake a milkshake is not a drink when it's that thick right but there there's nothing more vile to me than a watery milkshake no the one that is like just basically a flavored milk yeah

yeah that's bad stuff but unbearable a milkshake is a dessert to me that you can have with with the main meal it's in the ice cream family it's in the ice cream family and i've seen a lot of things recently about like best hot chocolates in london and stuff you have and those hot no because they're like they're so thick they're like proper italian hot chocolates where it's just too rich melted chocolate and people are eating it with a spoon if you're eating it with a spoon that ain't a hot chocolate yeah it's bonkers yeah that's a good chocolate it's too rich it's too rich yeah you're not enjoying it i would say a third in you're no longer enjoying that no way i'll have a shot of that yeah but i ain't having that whenever i i had a whole mug of one of those once and by the end i felt i felt like that's probably killed me like probably and i feel really bad about that let me tell you that thing it both solidifies inside of you and

yeah that's everything yeah that's the ultimate yeah that's the ultimate move i i i did not feel good at the end of it i felt very regretful and then had to like make all the people who were with me like walk to the next place as well is it the dupes or which one did you go to it was it it was a jamie oliver place that was only open for a very short amount of time in notting hill so i walked up the hill that that that justified it to me yeah got the hot chocolate and then was like oh dear

sorry we've got to walk into central london now because i feel that bad about this and everyone else was like oh come on man man.

Don't walk into central London.

I was like, guys, I'm not getting the tree.

I'm going to die.

Anyway, this is the dream dessert.

I don't want to get in the way.

Yeah, yeah, please.

So speaking of the ice cream family, to me, ice cream is a superior dessert.

It is the best.

I'd say the best ice cream in the world is probably in Australia.

I'll throw that out there.

I've only been there once.

Just now?

In Sydney?

No, I was there in May, April.

Yeah, I saw you there.

I saw your show there.

That wasn't just now, though.

Oh, I guess it's just not in that.

Not just now.

It was almost a year ago.

Festival season just gone.

Yes, festival season just gone.

Yes.

Yeah, that was the only time I've been there.

Because I feel like every gelato place in Sydney, their claim to fame is that in a blind taste test, they won over an Italian gelato place from Italy.

Right.

Okay.

And that's like, that's sort of written above every ice cream place in Sydney.

But the gelato is really, really good there.

Yes.

I would say all Australian ice cream is superior to the point that I have a tattoo of an Australian ice cream called Golden Gay Time.

Yes.

Which is one of their packaged ice creams, which I think is the perfect.

Yes.

The perfect ice cream.

And me and Helen Bauer got matching Golden Gay ice cream tattoos.

I didn't know Bauer had that tat.

First hat.

Wow.

My first?

A prawn.

All full circle.

But yeah, I think the magical symphony that is the flavor of a Golden Gay Time.

And again, coming back, the texture, the fact that it's covered in crumb.

A crumb is just such an underrated.

We don't talk about crumb enough.

Sure.

But it can really elevate a dish.

It could take it from a six to a nine.

Easy.

Yeah.

Well, Well, you got essentially feta crumb, right?

You got feta crumb earlier on.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Man, I love a crumb.

Or like a lamb dish goes well with a crumb as well.

Yeah, it does.

When you like bread a rack of lamb.

Woo!

Yeah.

A breaded rack of lamb.

That's a crumb.

Bread a rack of lamb.

It's quite nice to say that.

So I'm quite excited now to see what this is going to be.

Also, because we know.

that your ideal compliment for desserts that it's not too sweet.

And you've gone for gelato.

So is this going to be like a...

Well, I just said that that's the golden gate dish.

Do you want the golden gay time?

Oh, that's the golden gate time.

The answer is the golden gay time is your actual dessert.

Oh, okay.

I thought you were going to go for a gelato.

Golden Gate Time.

I mean, you've got a goddamn tattoo of it.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

I can't.

I guess you'd have to.

I simply cannot.

How many do you want?

Golden Gate Times.

You just want one?

Oof.

I would love to do an eating competition of Golden Gate Times.

I reckon I could do four easy.

Yeah.

Just in one sitting.

Or a Golden Gate IT.

Golden Gate Time.

Ice Cream.

Yeah.

Ice cream cake.

Oh, yeah.

There's nothing better than ice cream cake.

Oh, imagine an ice cream, your birthday party surprise.

It's an ice cream cake.

Yeah, I'd love it.

I'd love it.

Oh, man.

I love that you're like, imagine.

And then just told us to imagine something that is perfectly possible.

Imagine eating an ice cream cake.

Imagine it's your birthday and you have a cake.

That's a surprise.

No, because I genuinely hate cake because it's always too dry.

It's very rare that a cake is moist enough.

But you know what is moist enough?

Ice cream.

Ice cream.

Yeah, yeah.

Oh, God.

Love an ice cream cake.

Yeah, ice cream cake's great.

Did they do?

I'm going to Google Golden Gate Time ice cream cake and stuff.

I bet someone does it.

I had some mad ice cream in Australia.

Went to a place in Melbourne called Fluffy Torpedo.

Okay.

And all the flavours are weird.

All the flavors are deliberately weird.

Yeah.

But it was absolutely delicious.

What kind of weird?

Veggie mite and white chocolate.

That sounds delicious.

It was incredible.

That sounds delicious.

So good.

And that was not too sweet because you got the Veggie Mite just cutting through the white chocolate, which is normally too sweet for me.

Really, really good.

This is probably a fact that you guys know.

So stop me if you do.

But you know that I believe it's Ben from Ben and Jerry.

Didn't have a sense of smell, marina representation.

And

so his enjoyment of food very much comes from texture.

And the reason why Ben and Jerry's ice creams are always filled with like crackly, crispy things is because Ben couldn't smell and he enjoyed the fillings.

It's a beautiful story.

I don't know if it's true.

It feels too convenient.

But I like it.

I'm choosing to believe it.

I love fact checking it.

I love Ben and Jerry's.

And that loads of bits.

So actually, I have grown up a lot.

Yeah.

That's true.

It's like the, I was told when I was a teenager that the reason they don't play music and weatherspoons is because J.D.

Weatherspoon was deaf.

And it's a tribute to him.

No.

And it simply can't be true because I don't think J.D.

Weatherspoon was a real man.

He also hated good beer.

So you can't buy a Golden Gaytime ice cream cake, but there are

tons of recipes.

Okay.

So I bet you do.

So if you wanted to make one, there are a lot of options here of different golden gay time ice cream cakes.

Oh, can you imagine?

Because then it has the crumbs.

So that could be you're imagining right now.

Because that's the dough bit of the cake.

Yeah.

The batter.

Yeah.

There are many different approaches here.

There's a layered up one where it's like cake, ice cream, cake, ice cream, like that.

There's one that's like a dome that seems to have like, yeah, the cake and ice cream all together.

Try to have a party with that.

There's one that, I mean, they've made it look like an actual Golden Gaytime, but it's a cake.

And you cut open in this ice cream.

Like, it's a cake.

No, there's the ice cream in it.

It is an ice cream cake.

But they made it look like a big golden gay cake.

And made it look like a massive golden gay time.

I think that's what you're imagining.

That's what I would like.

That's what I would like.

And there were some where they just seem to have chopped up a golden gay time and put it on top of

it.

You'd still eat it though, right?

There's a lot of good stuff here.

So there are a lot of options if you wanted to make it yourself.

Yes.

But we're making it for you at the Dream Restaurant.

Would you like to go to the bottom?

I would quite like that.

I would quite like that.

With a golden gay time on the side.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

Yeah.

And maybe like one of those disgusting like Cheesecake Factory martinis that are like, this is our, our play on a golden gay time martini, like an alatini or whatever.

A golden gay time martini.

Yeah, like the, you know, because they make like a strawberry cheesecake martini.

Yeah.

Oh, right.

Or like that.

Like, because you imagine an espresso martini, but imagine you could, you could make it with any sweet, really.

Yeah.

And so I would have a golden gay time martini.

That sounds amazing.

Golden gaytini.

Surely we're calling it a golden gaytini.

Yeah, I like that.

I like that a lot.

The drink would be incredible because it'd have crumb on the top, right?

Yeah, yeah.

It's a a rim.

It's a rim.

It's a rim, like margarita style.

Yeah, yes.

It wouldn't be a rim and then a golden gate stuck on the side of the glass.

Yes, of course.

Like

a lemon wench.

Yeah, yeah.

Topples over every time.

Flintstones car every single time.

I'm going to read your menu back to you now.

See how you feel.

Okay.

Water, you would like.

Black currant.

Now, Schorler.

Shorla.

There's going to be a few hurdles for you in this.

Yeah, I'm so sorry.

Poplars of bread, you would like the dosa from Central Tiffin room and some cuvasse.

Yeah.

Starter prawn cocktail with massive prawns and US style sauce.

Main course.

The lamb from Zanid.

No, the Zanid

from Al Caf.

Yes.

Side dish.

Chopska salad.

This is, I didn't realise how difficult it is.

I'm so sorry.

Drink.

Massive Dunkin' Donuts Cold Brew.

Followed by the Piss Challenge.

Dessert, Golden Gay Time, ice cream cake with a Golden Gay Time on the side and a Golden Gatini.

Yes.

Love it.

Oh, God, that's a perfect meal.

It's pretty great.

Can I throw in an honorable mention for dessert really quickly?

Yeah.

There's an incredibly fancy restaurant called Deuterra in Shortage.

I don't know.

Have you been?

Yes.

I'm assuming you've been.

It's probably one of the best meals I've ever had in my life.

But again, gotta mention Ratatouille.

We were eating the three of us, me and my friends, and they served the sweet corn tartlet for dessert.

And we all ate it at the same time.

And we all nearly burst into tears.

I shed a tear because we all immediately thought of the very first time we went to the movies and the smell of popcorn in the carpet in the movie theater.

Wow.

And that really brought us back.

And it's like that scene in Ratatouillu where he remembers his childhood.

That's how I felt.

Me and my friends do a challenge where we all get a tin of sweet corn.

Oh, and then you count the kernels in your ship.

We see if we can fill the tin ducker.

Well, what a lovely way to end that episode.

Thank you so much, Olga.

Thanks so much.

Thank you, Olga.

Well, there we are.

What a great menu, James.

Really delicious menu.

Sounded very, very tasty.

From all over the world.

From all over the world.

We heard a lot of stories, a lot of insights into Olga's life.

Yes.

Couldn't have asked for more.

Couldn't have asked for more.

Thank you so much to Olga for coming in.

Do check out Olga's social media for details of gigs she's doing, tools she's up to,

podcasts.

She's done a lot for Radio 4 in the past as well.

Olga's new show, Olga Cock comes for money is at london soho theater december the third to the 21st book tickets at soho theatre.com and olga cock's new special is on youtube very soon she's a busy lady and she didn't say buck fast and we really appreciate that thank you olga appreciate that thank you for being the same

real strong thank you so much um we'll probably go now will we yeah i think we'll probably go um you know uh before we do uh i guess uh big thank you to our families and friends yes thank you very much uh i'm on tour probably.

Yes, go on to edgamble.co.uk.

I'm sure I'll be doing more dates of my show.

Hot diggity dog.

Hot diggity dog.

Fun to say.

Bye.

Goodbye.

And we're back live during a flex alert.

Dialed in on the thermostat.

Oh, we're pre-cooling before 4 p.m., folks.

And that's the end of the third.

Time to set it back to 78 from 4 to 9 p.m.

Clutch move by the home team.

What's the game plan from here on out?

Laundry?

Not today.

Dishwasher?

Sidelined.

What a performance by Team California.

The power truly is ours.

During a flex alert, pre-cool, power down, and let's beat the heat together.

Oh, hi, James.

Have you heard the news?

Oh, yeah.

Go on.

You and I are modern boys because the Off Menu podcast is now on YouTube.

This is embarrassing.

Why is it embarrassing, man?

You love YouTube.

I love watching clips on YouTube.

Sure.

Now people can watch clips of Off Menu on YouTube and full episodes.

But it's embarrassing, man.

It's not embarrassing at all.

It's really cool.

We're on YouTube with the great and good.

The coolest people in the world are on YouTube.

Me, you, Logan Paul.

Who's Logan Paul, the dad from Succession?

At Off Menu Podcast.

That's what Benito's calling us now.

And we're on TikTok.

This is embarrassing, man.

It's not embarrassing, man.

We're cool.

We're like Olivia Rodrigo.

And Ed.

People have been asking us, badgering us, bothering us, actually.

They want to watch the Stephen Graham supercut from the Stephen Graham episode so they can see all of his reactions to us, everything that he did.

Oh, Benito.

has bent to their whims and he's going to put it on YouTube.

He's going to do it.

Follow us at Off Menu Official on TikTok at Off Menu Podcast on YouTube.

You can watch clips from the podcast, and on YouTube, you can watch full video episodes.

People have been asking for it, and you're finally getting it.

Full video episodes.

So you can see every single nuance on our little faces.