Ep 260: Rachel Stevens

Hello, it's Ed Gamble here from the Off Menu Podcast.

Hello, it's James Acaster here from the Off Menu Podcast.

And before the episode starts, we'd like to talk to you about All Our Relations, a non-profit co-founded by your friend of mine, comedian Jen Brister, and Georgia Takax.

Yes, All Our Relations was originally started to support 15 families in Gaza when the genocide started, but now supports 21 families and funds several mutual aid projects, including two seven-day food kitchens and two mobile food parcel delivery schemes, as well, feeding hundreds of families in Gaza every single day.

They've created an absolutely amazing thing.

And we feel like, you know, it's the off-menu podcast.

We talk about food and we are very lucky to eat wonderful food and have access to absolutely brilliant food all of the time.

And I think we need to talk about people who have access to no food, James.

Absolutely.

So if people would like to donate, please go to allourrelations.co.uk or look at the links in Jen Brister's bio on Instagram.

Every penny raised goes to supporting people in Gaza.

Thank you so much and enjoy the episode.

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Welcome to the off-menu podcast taking the duck liver parfait of humor, spreading it onto the brioche toast of friendship.

And oh, that's nice.

Quackadoodle-doo.

Quackadoodle-doo.

Of course, why didn't I say quack-a-doodle-doo?

That's what everyone would say.

That's it, Gabby.

My name is James A.

Castle.

Together, we own a dream restaurant.

And every single week, we invite in a guest.

We ask them their favourite ever, start a main course, dessert, side dish, and drink, not in that order.

And this week, our guests are.

Rachel Stevens.

Rachel Stevens, of course, from S-Club.

From S-Club.

A successful solo career.

Yeah.

She's an icon, James.

Yeah, I mean, obviously, we grew up watching the S-Club TV show, watching them perform their songs all over the television.

Back in our day when there wasn't no internet.

Who's this guy?

An old man.

An old man watching television

making Northern.

And

actually, people probably listen to that and go, don't think that was Northern, James.

You can't do an accent, but there you go.

Rachel, you might think, oh, what's Rachel got to do with food?

Well, she's working with Activia at the moment, James.

Well, yes,

nice to hear it.

Promoting good gut health.

She's promoting good gut gut health.

Will that come up?

Rarely does on this podcast.

I'd say this podcast, if anything, promotes bad gut health.

Yeah, this is slightly balancing the scales, but not really.

Yeah, yeah.

But, you know, maybe we need Rachel in here to tell us how to make our tummies feel nice.

Yes, so hopefully, hopefully we'll learn about that.

But however, maybe we won't even get that far because if Rachel says a secret ingredient, an ingredient which we deem to be unacceptable, we will kick Rachel out of the dream restaurant as is the rules.

And this week, the secret ingredient is party rings.

S Club party.

I can't believe we got that at the same time.

That's amazing.

That was quite good.

Yeah, party rings, S Club party.

No party, like an S Club party.

Yeah.

So therefore, we have gone for party food.

And the epitome of party food is party rings.

Party rings, of course, because there's a party in the name.

Hopefully, she doesn't say that, James, because I'm looking forward to talking to her.

Surely, if you're promoting good gut health, party rings aren't on the menu.

Surely they're low down.

Well, yeah, too low down.

This is the off-menu menu of Rachel Stevens.

Welcome, Rachel, to the Dream Restaurant.

Oh, thank you for having me.

Welcome, Rachel Stevens, to the Dream Restaurant.

We've known you for some time.

Oh, this is exciting.

Are you excited to be in the Dream Restaurants?

I'm really, I'm so excited.

What are you cooking me?

Well, what are you cooking me?

What are you making me?

This is all up to you, Rachel.

It's your dream, you know?

So we'll cook you whatever you like.

Otherwise, it'll be that.

Maybe we should do that in the future.

Yeah?

We decide what the guests have.

and you make it yeah you tell them and then as a go as a gophy don't poison us yes yes do you think that would be a good podcast though to get guests in and tell them what they're eating would we need the guests we should try it once at least and go okay starter you've got this yeah now you just talk about

new podcasts

i love this for us this is great call the on menu yes and then we just do it do it we flip it i love it we got

amazing we've got to keep reinventing ourselves that's true yeah Like, if we, also, we're talking about Rachel Stevenson.

Yeah.

If you've managed to keep yourself relevant, keep going for years.

We need advice from you of how we're going to have a long career as well.

Oh, God.

Good question.

Yeah.

Can you teach me some comedy?

No.

We are, not many people find this funny.

I do.

We can't teach you that, Rachel.

But can you teach us how to stay relevant?

Yeah.

How to keep

checking out those venues?

Yeah, it's great being back out with S-Club again.

It's been so great after all i mean 25 years was when we all started so to be back out there again has just been absolutely incredible what's the fan base like now because obviously like you had like a younger fan base when it all started have they all grown up grown up and come with you and then brought brought along so lovely actually before the shows we'd do meet and greets and Obviously all the kids who were like five and six are now grown up with their own kids and would share stories with us of how

you know we were their childhood and what we'd got them through and like it was really really special actually it was lovely and they're bringing their kids as well bringing their kids a whole new generation of S-Club fans yeah what was the most fun show to go on when you were starting out as S-Club because now you know that they're wheeling around these podcasts

we apologize probably not as fun as live and kicking and stuff but what was when you'd look forward to the most when this club was starting out I mean the Saturday morning TV was so fun SM TV CD UK I mean it was such a exciting moment in time all the big party like party in the park, all those big, massive, like shows in the park, all the road shows.

We were just always on, always go.

And it's so different now.

Yeah, with everything being on social.

We didn't, social media, we didn't have all of that back then.

So we were literally, if we were going on a radio tour, we would go to every place.

We would, you know, so we were all over the place.

You couldn't get rid of us for a while.

I managed to have a TV show.

You didn't.

So that's like nowadays, if you were literally.

on social media trended every day

if you had a tv show back then that's absolutely huge Whereas now, there's so many TV shows.

Yeah, TV.

Now, if a band was told you got a TV show, they'd be like, oh, we're dead.

That would be it.

That's it.

Our career's over.

No one's going to want, no one's going to watch that.

But that's how it started.

Yeah, you were on that as well.

Yeah.

Did you do sketch when you went on SM TV?

Did you ever do the sketches?

Because I imagine you would have more skills in that department because your TV show.

Yeah, we did all the, what was it called?

The front your property.

Chums, chums.

Chums.

Chums.

We're not too young.

We're not too young.

That's absolutely our

sweet spot.

Oh, yeah, of course.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

How old would you have been then?

Secondary school.

I remember that's when I wrote the Cat Dealy poem.

I said secondary school.

The Cat Dealy poem.

Yeah, yeah.

I sent it in, but they did.

She's your crush.

I didn't read it out.

Yeah, of course she was.

She's gorgeous.

I'm with a red-blooded teen.

Not made of stone.

Not made of stone.

Yeah.

She was gorgeous, wasn't she?

She is gorgeous.

Do you remember the poem, James?

Yes.

Oh, share.

Share with the group.

Rachel Stevens is asking you to share the poem.

No, no, Cat Dealy.

No, no.

Now, I know you've refused to do it.

Just share a line.

Just one line.

Just give us a little taster.

Yeah, come on.

That's great.

A little taster.

Well, I tell you what, there's a food line, so that's relevant to the podcast.

I want the most embarrassing line.

And it's all embarrassing.

And whilst eating my bowl full of pasta, looking at you, my heart would beat faster.

That's not embarrassing.

That's really sweet.

Huh?

What is it?

Eat my bowl of pasta.

And while eating my bowl full of pasta,

and while eating eating my bowl full of pasta, looking at you, my heart beat faster.

They didn't read it out.

No, send it in.

I was pretty sure they'd read it out.

No, they'd probably put you on a watch list.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Probably it's probably not off that list.

Love that.

Would you like that if someone wrote you a poem that said when they were eating pasta, their heart beats faster?

I would love that so much.

I would really love that.

I was just thinking it wouldn't work if because you're from up north, right?

So if you were saying faster, yeah,

yeah, pasta.

Faster.

If you do my bowl of pasta, you make my heart beat fast.

Go faster.

Yeah.

That's what I would have said.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Yeah, I'll never do more than one line an episode anytime SMTV gets bought up.

Right.

Well, I'll bring up SM TV every single episode.

Yes.

You'll finally get the full poem.

You'll get together the full thing, exactly.

But it's not, I'm not giving you it in order.

So it's like, it's like Mr.

Chips.

Yeah.

Did she ever hear this poem?

It didn't get to the same time.

I don't know.

I mean,

I hope so.

I hope someone.

I think you need to send it to her now.

She'll do it again.

I think that's weirder, maybe.

I send it to her now.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Yeah, it probably would be, as I said, weird.

Yeah.

Yes.

That's what I'm saying.

Yeah, that's a weird thing.

Yeah.

She'll be very flattered.

Yeah.

Now I'll recite the whole thing.

Well, if that's a guarantee.

Oh, of course it's a guarantee.

If we get Cat Dealy on the podcast, I'll recite the whole poem.

But like, listen, I'm not here to think about Cat Dealy.

We've got Rachel Stevenson about this.

True.

Before we were going to start recording this, Rachel, I was going to ask you a question.

Benito made me save it for the podcast.

So I'll do this.

I asked you about Sweet Dreams My LAX, your solo song.

I've had this bit of trivia in my head about it for years, ever since it came out, to the point where I don't even know if it's true.

Was it written by the same person who wrote Toxic by Britney Spears?

Yeah.

Yes.

Yes.

Kathy Dennis.

Save it for the pod.

Yeah.

Well, I told you it was boring.

But that's what I've always had in my head.

Yeah.

But that feels like information that you could have found out for sure.

And Can't Get You Out of My Head.

Wow.

Yeah.

She had a good weekend.

Absolutely.

You couldn't get it out of your head.

And she wrote, Can't Get Me Out of Your Head.

I mean, That is incredible.

Yeah.

That's incredible.

And you couldn't get Cat Digdy out of your head.

No, I never will be able to.

I wouldn't want to, Adrian.

Do you remember the first time you met the other members of S-Club?

What you thought of them all individually?

I met Hannah in the toilets at Pineapple Studios.

What?

Pineapple Studios?

Yeah.

Four of the band were already together, so they held auditions for S-Club.

I didn't know about the audition process.

I wasn't going for auditions at the time or anything like that.

I was working in fashion at the time.

Just started working, left college.

And

my brother was working at Sony Records in

the canteen.

And I used to go in for a free lunch every day.

And I was just sitting there, minding my own business, and got approached by these two producers who asked me if I could sing.

I was like, yes, sign me up, having no idea whether I really could sing properly.

And then

you've got to say yes, though, just in case.

That's actually right.

You've got to

just say yes and then learn how to sing

in the gap.

exactly.

It's exactly what I did.

And then, yeah, and then S Club was being put together.

And then I um met Simon Fuller, and then literally two weeks later, I got a call from him saying, I'm putting this band together.

Would you like to be in it?

Wow, that's amazing!

Yeah, it's amazing how quickly these things happen.

When there are only four of them, were they called S Club 4 or did they call you S Club 7 before they'd got the other three?

Good question.

Very good question.

It was always going to be S Club.

Yeah.

Was originally going to be five.

And then Joe and Brad joined later.

And then we became S-Club 7.

My mum used to call you Sclub.

That was her funny joke.

Sclub, really?

Sclub.

Yeah.

Surely.

Surely you've heard that before.

Surely people have called you Sclubby.

Slubbers.

Well, we call ourselves all different names, but yeah, Sclub.

I love that.

Yeah, that was my mum's funny joke, Sclub.

There's a funny joke, Fan Gamble.

What?

Was she an S-Club fan?

Oh, yeah, of course.

Yeah.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Because like, also, like, it was very much like Capital Breakfast Show era.

So, you know, in the car on the way to school, all of that sort of stuff.

You know, always capital on in the kitchen.

Yeah.

Sclub was big news.

Sclub was big news.

Love that.

Sang Never Had a Dream Come True in the Gang Show.

Oh my God.

I forgot about that.

In the what?

In the gang show.

What's the gang show?

It's a variety performance put on by the Boy Scouts and Girl Scouts, to be fair.

And

the Ketman one at McKinley Theatre, which isn't there anymore.

There's a bunch of houses there now.

Yeah, we sing various songs.

And one year...

Who's we?

All the scouts.

Oh,

I wasn't in the Scouts.

No, no, no.

We didn't meet in the Scouts.

No.

But when James was in the Scouts.

But who sang LAX?

No, we didn't sing LAX.

Oh, you didn't?

Oh, that's too raunchy.

Right.

Yeah.

We sang Never Had a Dream Come True.

That sounds like

song.

We sang that.

Yeah, we couldn't do LAX.

11 years old.

No, God.

Sweet Dreams by LAX.

Are you kidding me?

That's true.

Even back then, that wouldn't have been right.

That wouldn't fly.

That would just be a no-go.

Even though I'm sure you get some money off it, but you don't want the Scouts singing Sweet Dreams by LAX.

No.

You don't buy it from a Boy Scout from Ketman.

You're like, you don't have an LAX.

You don't have an LAX.

Absolutely no way.

They are only singing it about the airport.

Yeah, yeah.

We would like to go to that airport one day.

One day it'd be nice to go to that airport.

It wouldn't be like, I went out with someone in LA and now they're

11.

We always start with still a sparkling water for your dream meal.

Do you have a preference?

They would have have to be still, yeah, cannot do sparkling.

Sparkling to me tastes like soluble, like paracetamol.

That's good.

I know what you mean, but I think I quite like the taste of soluble paracetamol.

Do you?

Yeah.

You like the medicine?

I like medicine.

You like medicine?

Yeah, because it's making you better.

You can't argue that logic, Rachel.

You can't, but you honestly like the taste of it, honestly.

I don't mind.

I see what you mean, like the with the fizzy water, and sometimes that soluble paracetamol almost makes water taste milky.

Do you know what I mean?

It's sort of a little bit gross.

If there was some medicine that you had to just eat recreationally, just like you don't need it to get better, but you've got to eat it.

Funny enough, when I was younger, I used to hit the cowpot up.

I did.

Yeah.

Even if I didn't have a headache, in case I got one, I would hit the cowpole up.

Oh, I thought I had to.

Just in case, yeah.

Always thinking ahead.

So you weren't just because it was delicious.

So most of us, we just wanted to glug that.

But it was that as well.

It wasn't tasty.

It was, wasn't it?

Yeah.

And it's addictive, I think.

Yeah.

I mean, I.

As a parent, that cowpole is epic.

Cowpole you're a fan, yeah, as a parent now.

Always, always got it on the go, yeah.

Yes, my god, is it still as good?

I don't taste it anymore.

Oh, you mean the flavor?

You must be tempted, Rachel.

Do you know what?

I'm not.

What?

I'm not.

No, I'm over it.

I'm over it.

I've moved on from there.

I'll have a little shot of cowpole.

Short shot in those little kind of spatula things.

I want to see if it tastes as good as you remember, surely.

Yeah.

Next time you will.

Now you've said that, that'll be in your head.

I'll be like, yeah.

Do you not want to admit it on this podcast?

Would there be like a controversy?

if

you're doing now?

I've been stung by that in the past.

I don't want to bring it up, but like, do you remember that?

That was great.

Well, wasn't it?

I was the right age as well.

I'd come up with S-Club, and then when that happened, I was like, they're still cool.

Spliff Club 7.

Or walking past the cop car.

Absolute legends.

Yeah.

Absolute legends blazing up outside of the Rosses.

Right.

So blatant.

Yeah.

Yeah.

I don't think Cal Pol would have to be.

We were busy, busy, us girls were just minding our own business, you know, working hard.

Yeah.

And they were just, you know, unbelievable.

Unbelievable.

They get telling off or what.

Modern guys.

So you would like still water.

Still water with ice.

How much ice would you have?

I've got this funny thing that if I have a cold drink, it has to be freezing cold.

Or if I have a hot drink, it has to be boiling hot.

There's no in between.

No in between.

You can't do a.

Yeah.

I get that.

Do you get that?

I've started like

ask because I've only just recently discovered that I love more than life itself coffee.

I do think with coffee, though, it's something that you can grow.

It's a grower, isn't it?

He really acts.

It's in a real quiet.

He loves it.

Every time he has a sip, he says, I love it.

You're like adulting now.

You just say how much I love it all the time.

Yeah, yeah.

I really do.

I'd write it a poem.

But do you find that with every coffee that you enjoy it?

Because some coffees are really good and some coffees are really bad, I find.

Yeah, well, but this is part of the joy of loving coffee, is that suddenly I can tell those two apart.

I never used to be able to.

It was all just like a mess.

I didn't know what was good, what wasn't.

And now I do know what's good.

You've got an acquired taste for it.

So much joy in it and pleasure.

I just know where to go and find the good coffees.

But now I know that I like it extra hot.

I never used to.

Really?

So if you couldn't have like a just a middle coffee?

Yeah, I could.

I prefer lukewarm coffee.

So with when I make a coffee, it's too hot for me.

So I need to leave it for like 10, 15 minutes.

And then I'll knack it.

Because it's functional.

I just want to get a buzz off it, really right oh so it's not for the taste no not really i'm not that bothered about good quite often good coffee i find you go to a good coffee place there's not enough of it and it tastes weird it's too like not enough of it not strong enough not not strong enough or they just go like it's just like half a cup or something and they're like this is the best coffee ever i don't really care i just want to feel i get that yeah i want to feel like my brain's about to pop out my head that's what i like yeah i i know what you mean about it not being enough sometimes but it always tastes delicious and when it's really good coffee it's really nice you love coffee i love coffee how do you have your coffee well i'll i'll have like uh i you know i'll go for a flat white or a latte i'll have it extra hot i've started saying that now because i saw cindu v s i love it yeah

and uh yeah i went for coffee with cindu v cindu v asked for extra hot i really respected it so i've copied sindu and i'll start saying extra hot now

she's a comedian oh she's got a lot of natural authority uh and i find it funny that james thought it was cool that she went extra hot please so he's copied her.

Yeah, yeah.

So you'd think I was cool too, then, if we went for coffee together?

Yeah, well, already you think you're cool, then John.

I grew up thinking you were cool.

You're the OG cool.

Yeah.

The definition of

that.

Not as cool as the boys because they smoked the dooback.

Right.

Fair.

Outside the coffee.

But you're still cool.

Fair.

Coffee makes your heartbeat faster as well.

Coffee makes you feel free.

As if I was drinking a coffee eating pasta looking at Cat Dealers.

Oh, my goodness.

Smoking a doobie.

Yeah, well, that would slow me down.

They do even put the bread on.

That's what I'd recommend a doobie, you know, when you're watching Cat Doo B with a bottle of pasta and a hot coffee.

Cat doobie.

Popped up some bread.

Poppadums or bread, Rachel's.

Oh, that's a really tough question.

Because if I'm having an Indian, then it's got to be Poppadog, right?

Of course, yeah.

And that's an obvious thing to say, but we'll go bread.

Bread.

Yeah.

I mean hot, buttery, salty, delicious bread.

What type of bread?

Yeah, but you can get bad bread.

Yeah, you can.

Now, it's different to coffee this.

So if I'm not, I'm not eating bad bread and going, oh, that's fine.

It's just bread.

Like I do with coffee, you can get bad bread.

What's the worst bread you've ever had?

I try and be really healthy, but you can't be healthy when you want a piece of bread.

You just got to go.

Yeah.

I'm having bread with loads of butter.

So I think when I get a bit confused, when I'm trying to be healthy, it's like, no, just don't do that.

You just got to go for it, haven't you?

Yeah.

Yeah.

You know, I do love a sourdough.

Yeah.

Toasted with just dripping with like proper, proper salted butter with a bit of salt salt on it nice salted butter with the extra salt yeah just a cup just for the flakes you need the flakes for the crunch yeah yeah that's popper good stuff

yeah i mean maybe by the end of this podcast we'll have i mean i'm worried that we'll have you know converted you to just being unhealthy because you'll be talking about it's not that it's unhealthy is it like i think everything i i love food i'm such a foodie so i think everything in moderation

and food brings so much joy doesn't it but yeah i think when it comes to bread i'm always trying to find the healthier alternative.

Something you can eat regularly as well.

Yeah.

Because I'm

like one of those really like posh breads.

Like the seed breads.

Yeah, but they just taste like cardboard.

They're not good.

So I've kind of given up on that.

Yeah.

If I start on nice bread, that's it.

I'm eating the whole thing.

Yeah.

But I love breakfast.

Breakfast is like my, I could eat cereal for breakfast, lunch, dinner.

I love it.

Right.

Well, we're going to have to love it.

We're going to have to rank the cereals then.

Yeah.

Let's hear your favourite sales.

The thing is, it's quite dull.

It's not like any sort of exciting sit.

Well, raisin brown is probably my favourite.

Oh, my goodness.

It's here.

It's only in America, right?

No one's expecting raisin brown, Rachel.

Really?

Yeah, because when I think cereal, I think fun.

That's what I mean.

I'm very, no, no, no.

I'm very minimalist with my cereals.

It's not like,

Rachel, what the hell?

I know, I know.

Listen, I'm not apologising for it.

I'm sorry.

No, no, no.

I'm not apologising for it.

Sorry.

No, you shouldn't.

No, no.

I love a Wheatabix.

Oh, my goodness.

Oh, I love a Weetabix.

My hometown.

Grew up next to the Whitabix factory.

Yeah?

Yeah, I've been there.

I've been in the factory.

Had a golden tour.

How was that?

It's great.

I talked to a bloke who showed me all the Bix at different stages and made me eat it all as well.

Not very nice until it's finished properly.

No.

But like, you know, info penny.

What do you have on your Wheatabix?

I'm just a classic girl.

I'm sorry.

No, milk.

I saw that going.

Not even raisins.

No, not on Weetabix.

No.

No.

Just milk.

What are we talking skimmed, semi-skimmed?

Whole.

Whole.

What?

Oh, no, that is a twist

i was expecting skimmed because of the raised bread we eat a bit

no no no no no no whole milk yeah

freezing cold of course yeah because it is yeah of course it's either freezing cold or burning hot yeah yeah all right and how firm do you like your bits do you like

it's a very good do you let it soak up the milk proper or is it too much just a bit of both yeah yeah a bit of give to it a bit of crunch and a bit of sogginess yeah yeah yeah

i'm with you there what's your favourites favorites?

If I'm eating cereal, which I don't really eat cereal, but I'd go for a fun one.

I'm going Coco Pops.

Would you go all sugar?

Going Coco Pops.

Oh, yeah, you can't be.

I'm so excited.

That raisin brown came out of your mouth first.

Yeah, but

don't pretend now.

You've said raisin pops.

Because I'm annoyingly trying to be healthy, right?

It goes back to that again.

This guy bringing up Coco Pops.

I would eat Coco Pops morning, lunch, and dinner, trust me.

Right.

Well, you've said raisin brown, so unfortunately, that's

how did you feel when

Coco Pops changed its name to Choco Krispies?

Do you remember that?

Well, that's just wrong.

Yeah, well,

that's what the UK publication is.

Are they not called Coco Pops anymore?

They are now.

They've reverse the decisions.

They reverse the decision because of the protests.

We overturned it as a nation.

Thank God.

Yeah.

Which, you know, people should remember.

We don't like change, do we?

We don't like change.

But we can overturn big decisions, and maybe it's for the best for the country.

Yeah, yeah.

I've got Wheatabix at home.

I'm

eating wheatabix at the minute.

When I do have cereals in, tends to be the boring ones.

Corn flakes, maybe the most exciting one i have is

raisin bran yeah yeah yeah yeah i'm a hypocrite and you're

fine but i can't be your favourite but um i would say i don't know if i'm gonna actually have like a favorite favorite i do you know what i like and i always forget that i like them i don't even know what they're called now the quakers the pillows do you know what i'm talking about the quaker shredded wheat bite size no quaker quaker bring out these like these pillowy cereals with the chocolate in it the quaker man doesn't know there's no chocolate in it actually it's um it's really nice raisins.

You don't see it.

No, no, they're just like, here we go.

They're called oat crisps?

No, they're not called oat crisps.

They're not the oat crisps.

I really thought you had it there.

Also, there's a version of it, Trader Joe's in America, and

it's really good.

I can't wait to go to Trader Joe's.

It's the best.

Yeah, man.

It's Trader Joe's, actually, the LAX that you're thinking about.

Joe.

Maybe.

Oat Crisp Original.

Huh.

That's my Letfield.

Yeah, well, because I forget how good they are.

We haven't talked about granola and yogurt.

Yeah, my girlfriend is addicted to, like, loves it it so much.

Really?

And

I can have like one mouthful and then I've got to stop.

I just feel like it's bonkers, isn't it?

What filling?

It's filling and it feels...

It does feel like I'm starting the day with a mad pudding.

Yeah.

Do you think?

Even though I like puddings a lot, but like it feels like I've just like, you know, smashed load of biscuits into some.

You're not eating the right granola, I feel.

You're eating smashed out biscuits.

Yeah.

I wish.

That'd be good.

We've got some good granola.

I don't want to boast, but some pretty good granola that we get from around the corner.

Yeah.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

I won't blow up my spot and say what it's called.

Yeah, don't ruin it for yourself.

Don't give away your secrets.

So

you like granola and yogurt?

Yeah, I love a granola parfait in LA.

Used to have, oh my God,

layers of yogurt, granola, fruit, like two or three layers.

Yeah.

Just the perfect combo.

Wow.

Yeah.

Like a breakfast lasagna.

Yes.

Yes.

I've never thought about it like that.

I've seen people that haven't put breakfast lasagna on menus, like genuinely like lasagna for breakfast.

And I could, but once I go down that path, I'm having lasagna every morning.

I'm getting up at six in the morning to have a lasagna.

Yeah.

Yeah.

You don't think you could enjoy that?

No.

No.

I definitely don't.

Cold?

I don't know.

It's weird.

As I've gotten older, I don't,

I'm a real breakfast girl.

I can't miss a meal.

Yeah.

But I can't eat as early anymore.

Like back in the day, I would, back in the day.

Yeah.

I would, I would eat early, but now I can't.

I don't know what how long.

What time are you having breakfast now?

Like a brunch type time, like 11-ish.

Okay.

Yeah.

But you're still doing granola at 11?

Yeah.

That's all right.

I love it.

Straight away.

Wake up straight into the kitchen.

Yeah.

Breakfast.

That's what I mean.

I used to be that way.

I love it.

Yeah.

With your lasagna.

Yeah, with my full lasagna.

Food always tastes better the next day, doesn't it?

As well?

If you have like

curries as well, if you make it.

Flavours.

Yeah.

It's like it's marinating.

What about pizza the next day?

How are you heating up pizza the next day?

I don't know.

I don't like reheating stuff.

Yeah, do you just have a cold?

Do I have it cold?

I'm doing that a lot now with takeaways.

Cold Curry.

I love it.

I think I think you get a lot of stuff.

I feel like we're bonding so much over food right now.

The hot and the cold and the

love this

is how we want a guest to feel.

Do you know what?

It's lovely to hear it.

Popsicles, sprinklers, a cool breeze.

Talk about refreshing.

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Your dream starter?

Is this going to be a breakfast cereal?

My dream starter, yeah.

Do you know what?

See, I got very overwhelmed when I had to think about all the because there's so my brain goes to so many different places

right so favorite starter burata yeah

with balsamic glaze, with fresh tomatoes, a bit of basil, delicious.

Yeah.

Yeah.

It's a classic.

Burrata is just the king.

And also your pronunciation of it is that lends itself more to a poem.

Starter Burrata.

Yeah.

I was in a restaurant the other night and my wife said, I don't know if I, for my starter, I want the Burata or the Tartar.

Oh, we nearly stood up and gave her a four rounds of applause.

Wow.

I said, that makes my heart beat faster.

Such poets.

I know, right?

His wife is Lil Kim.

Lil Kim.

Yeah.

Dave.

She gives me that.

Pretty cool.

Yeah, it's a pretty cool relationship.

Spirata is the absolute king of the

cheese.

The starter cheeses, yeah.

It goes very well with tomato.

It's a good.

No, we're not happy with that.

I was trying to think of something to rhyme it with, but

there was nothing.

Yeah.

A lata.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Cheers, yeah.

Because your wife did tartar.

Tata.

She's done that cover that starter and then I've thrown in tomato.

I think we've pretty much much run out now.

We've covered the others, yeah.

That does sound delicious.

It is delicious.

I mean, anytime I see burrata on a menu, I've got to get it.

White and fluffy.

I love introducing people to burrata as well.

Sometimes people, yeah, because sometimes people are like,

oh, we've got to get that.

And they're like, I don't even know what that is.

Still to this day,

people are still learning.

And you get to be like, oh, it's like

mozzarella, but level one.

Like king of mozzarella.

Yeah.

I love seeing someone have a burr for the first time.

Yeah.

And really you know you see see their life get a little bit better you know yeah do you prefer it when it arrives like it's a whole burata because sometimes you go and they give you like they've done the cutting up no don't do that you want the joy you want the you want to feel the whole uh experience of it yeah and you cut it totally explodes but you don't want it too watery either some of them can be a little bit too creamy watery you want it to be really creamy creamy squishy feels like

that doesn't sound like should squishy doesn't squishy doesn't sound

nice sorry no as I was saying that I was like no

but I had to just go with it but no is that what um s in s club stands for squish squish squish club seven squish club seven do you know how many times we got asked that question yes oh my god

that was like yeah top imagine a billion times what does the s stand for yeah yeah oh not the question does it stand for squish club seven yeah no i've never had that one

squishy squish club seven squish club seven and it's because you love barracks some days

yeah what does it stand for

Can I ask that yet?

I don't know.

It is actually the S is the 19th letter in the alphabet.

And Simon Fuller, who's at our management company, was called 19.

Oh, wow.

That's too.

See, he must have known, dude, it's going to get asked that forever when he did that.

And it's this really cryptic beason as well.

And our line was always...

it's whatever you want it to be

that's always our line yeah that's good yeah and it's evolved over the years yeah to squish club Yeah.

Because now, obviously,

whenever we do interviews now,

they always go like, and you do the off-menu podcast.

Do you ask people their dream meals?

We were wondering, what would your dream meal be?

Yeah, yeah.

And for one, you're like, well, obviously I get asked that every single time.

So I don't know why you ask me that.

Like, you're the first one.

Also, that's

an hour-long podcast.

So you're asking me to quickly do that for you now in an interview.

Well, my promo and I'm so overwhelming because it's a big conversation.

It's not just a flippant answer.

Look,

you had trouble deciding on Burrata, right?

Because it was so much.

Really, I've been toying all night.

I've been like, oh my God, you know, it's overwhelming.

I'm going to start saying it's whatever you want it to be now.

Whenever they ask me,

what would your dream meal be?

I'm going to say it's whatever you want it to be.

It can be a good answer for lots of questions, you know.

Every question.

Every question.

Yeah, yeah, whatever you want to be.

Whatever you want it to be.

Press junk it for anything.

Apart from, I'm just going to say, when we ask you your dream main course, please don't say whatever you want it to be.

Yes, please.

I'll let you just

do that um do you think other members of s club would choose the burata for the starter in your heart i love how that rhymes now really

i will ask them i don't know yeah actually do you know what i think joe would yeah because back in la days we we were always like going out for like we would have dinner together and that would be we would share the love of that starter together yeah what was your thing in the in the rundown of what you all are someone was looking for a romance who was looking for a romance

um yep i remember john was looking for a romance romance yeah

um what was Tina's doing her dance Tina's doing her dance which is why John was looking for romance I'd imagine yeah he had to but yeah this is this is a faster pasta situation isn't it yeah yeah

Paul's getting down on the floor getting down on the floor yes Hannah's screaming out for more yeah that is racy

that's very racy

yeah you want to see Bradley swing yeah You want to see Rachel do her thing.

Oh, of course.

You're doing your thing.

And that's whatever you want it to be.

yeah exactly yeah are those still the lyrics when you perform it now or would you um change it up to like more reflect your life now yeah so like basically

eating raisin brown yeah it wasn't brine yeah like like whatever the line is before

rachel gives cowpole to her kids but doesn't drink it herself yeah

we don't do it now we didn't do it in the tour yeah we didn't do it be fun if you just like on your own in between songs sang rachel's doing her thing

on your own, and everyone's like, well, we got something.

Yeah.

I told you you don't want to do that one, Rachel.

I just want to let them know that I've done my fingers top.

She's like, just bust that.

Yeah, do that.

The crowds would lose their minds.

If suddenly, out of nowhere, you just went, Rachel's doing her thing, the crowds would pop.

Yeah.

That would go down well, I think.

Okay.

Don't tell the others.

I'm doing it when you're doing it.

Don't tell them that they've got to do it.

Is that a little secret?

I mean, is John still looking for a romance?

aren't we all

you know yeah it's nice to have a bit of romance in your life

yeah no i'm just trying to make it rhyme i think that when john does find romance yeah you should do us he should he should do a solo song about that that's just like i found it i found it found it i found it

That would be great.

I'd like that.

That would be good.

And it's just called, I found it.

I found romance.

I found it by John.

It's called, I found it.

And this is him singing, I found it, I found it over and over again.

And the whole music video is just him with his partner.

Oh, my God.

Yeah.

I found it.

I found it.

Brilliant.

Your dream main course, Rachel.

My dream main course would be lobster.

Chips.

And on the side.

Oh, we haven't got sides yet.

Well, we can do them both at the same time if you want.

because if if you feel like you need to talk about them at the same time yeah well i know i've bigged it up

it's not that exciting broccoli but charred yeah with chili garlic nice like tender stem broccoli yeah the long boys yeah yeah oh the long boys definitely yeah yeah i would i'm really sexist by the way what's saying they're long boys

yeah long boys long long girls vegetables long vegetables yeah okay yeah i think if i'd had said to you then the long girls i'd have been like yeah i need to get Ed off this podcast

afterwards.

I'd have a little emergency meeting.

I don't think referring to broccoli as long boys, I don't think many people would bat an eyelid.

You're right to pull me up on it, though.

But I think if I'd said long girls, that would have been worse.

Worse.

You can't win.

No, I can't win here.

It's not about you winning, Ed.

I'll just say broccoli, long, the long broccoli.

Yeah, the long broccoli.

Or vegetable balls.

Vegetables.

John's looking for vegetables.

it's a bit of a mouthful that one yeah like i'm not against it do you remember the first time you had tenderstem broccoli and uh did you just look at old stumpy broccoli and think we're done i'm never eating you again listen i don't you know i think there's room for the old broccoli the other broccoli too there's room for all broccoli i feel if it's cooked in the right way yeah you don't know but the long vegetables they char so much easier long boys the long the long boys or long girls

they char really easily don't they That's true.

Old stumpy broccoli is not charring.

It's not charring as well.

No.

Can you charm a massive broccoli?

I'm not good at charring, really.

No.

I wish I was a better cook.

I'm not a great cook, but I have just got the air fryer, and that is a whole world of brilliantness.

You air fried broccoli?

Yeah.

It's great.

And it comes out all like chari.

Oh, nice.

What else are you doing in the air fryer?

What's that word?

Chari, charred, charred, charred.

What else?

I stick everything in there.

I stick everything in there.

Come on, that's it.

boy.

What else?

Spinach?

All the veg you stick in there.

Sausages are really good.

Meatballs.

That's kind of as far as it's got.

Just piling it all in there.

Yeah.

Not the same.

Do you have an air fryer?

Don't have an air fryer.

Not yet.

Can't spare the real estate in the kitchen.

Yeah, that's right.

They're big.

They're very big.

But I have to tell you, if you're going to get anything, get an air fryer.

If you're going to get anything, get an air fryer.

In the kitchen.

In the kitchen.

In the kitchen.

Appliances.

Sorry, I should have narrowed it down.

Yeah, yeah, sure.

Sorry, it was out of context.

You've got to remember.

People are going to take this thing very seriously.

In the world of kitchen appliances,

you must get an air fryer.

Yeah, yeah.

It's just

honestly.

Well, you can get small ones.

You know, still, like the ones, the big, but I've got just a small one like that.

But it's still one drawer.

You're noticing it on the counter, right?

You are.

Yeah, you're having to work around it.

But it gets used.

You know, those appliances that just sit there and don't just sit there.

Pasta machine, that sort of stuff.

Exactly.

They're using that.

Pasta machine beat faster machine.

Am I making my homemade pasta?

Remembering Kat Dealia, my heart would beat faster.

She's never coming on this podcast now, man.

She is about this.

Rachel said she's going to text her after this.

Great, text her.

You tell her I've got a poem to read her.

Come on the podcast.

Don't give a context.

I think she's going to be desperate to come on it now.

Yeah, yeah.

She'd love to come on.

Yeah.

And say to her her, also, if you're going to get anything, get an air fryer.

Say that to her as well.

I will.

I will.

Well, I mean, that's exciting that you're air frying everything as well.

Would you air fry a lobster?

Oh, would you?

I don't know if I'd cook.

I wouldn't be brave enough to cook a lobster, I don't think.

Boil it.

That's the thing.

People boil them alive.

No.

You can't air fry an obstruct alive, can you?

You can't just chuck it in a live lobster into the air fryer.

The most humane way of killing a lobster is to put it in the air fryer and then just turn it up slow.

Oh my god, that's dark.

That is bad stuff.

Imagine that.

That poor lobster.

There's a little screen of it.

Oh my god.

Nice to have a tank.

That's a movie tank.

Thanks for hooking me up in here, Rachel.

No, but seriously, though, that would be our New Year's Eve dinner.

What would have been cooked, but I wouldn't have cooked it, but it would go straight in and I would have to go out the room because it was just

boiling the lobster.

But so delicious.

So delicious.

So delicious.

Is that how you like it cooked?

Like the

steamed boiled sort of one?

Because they sometimes, like a burger and lobster, they do the grilled one as well, right?

I like it steamed and then lightly grilled.

Nice.

Yeah.

Bit of char.

Bit of char.

Bit of char.

I spoke about my favourite, one of my favourite YouTube channels on here, where the man

certainly.

The man got the lobster.

Yes.

What's that?

Fair enough.

There's a a man who went to a grocery store in America and bought a lobster and instead kept it as a pet.

It's quite, it's quite a moving channel.

It's quite nice.

He became friends with like hey.

Well, he just properly learns how to look after it and keep a you know grocery store lobster as a pet and uh how does it feel about it has to help it get the strength back in its claws and uh feeds it the pot of me's like that's really sweet and then part of me's like that's really weird yeah oh it's quite a weird thing to do yeah yeah but then i guess it's heart warming yeah it's heart warming it's weird because it's unusual yeah maybe it's weirder that we get them alive and we boil them right

Are you air fry them?

It's all weird.

I don't air fry them.

You put them in the air fryer with spinach and meatballs.

the the listener couldn't see it but you nodded to us when you were going when i said you air fry

you were saying out your mouth no never and you were nodding going

oh i can't win with this one come on

but yeah it's a nice i i recommend watching it it's really nice him in this lobster like the octopus teacher have you seen that a bit like that but like

this guy's not like that's like that octopus teacher man yeah he's all like going in the water hanging out with his octopus fully getting involved being his mate and then when when a bigger shark or whatever comes along to kick the out the octopus then he says well attonburgh's rules i've got to step back and not be involved you've been involved the whole time man yeah defend it with fair enough and a bad friend and i i think that he should be ashamed of himself that octopus teacher yeah or the

the student i guess because he's the octopus of the teacher so He's the student.

Human student should be ashamed of himself for how he treats octopus.

So not getting in there with the shark.

He fully got involved with it.

And then he just and interfered being its friend.

and then he said no it's a documentary I've got to step back and let nature take its course when it when the shit got real also I think

if I was as a kid that emotionally attached to one of my teachers I think people would have got involved

You shouldn't be have that relationship with your teachers, right?

He's an adult though.

He's a mature

Yeah, but that's still not there's still something moral wrong there.

Yeah, it's still a line even if I went to a class now and I got emotionally involved with the teachers.

There's still a power imbalance.

There's a line there.

Yeah.

They crossed the line.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

So maybe that was it.

The octopus deserved it.

Is that what you're saying?

Yes.

Thank God I didn't say octopus was my favourite meal.

Yeah, try getting that in an air fryer.

You could, actually, because they can climb into little jars, can't they?

So it could probably climb in itself.

Yeah.

Octopus is delicious, though.

Yeah, oh god, yes.

Another great charred food.

Oh my God, yes.

Yes.

But what if it was the octopus from my octopus teacher?

What if they gave you that?

Okay, you're taking this to a whole new level now.

I'm just saying, what if they told you, what if you were like, I love octopus delicious, and they said, we made it for you.

Just so you know, before you eat it, it is the one from my octopus.

I would be all right.

You would eat it.

I'd be all right, you know, because he'd been, you know, it's nature had been killed.

Too late, by the way.

It was too late, my lemon.

So, yeah.

Yeah, yeah.

Because the shark killed it.

Yeah, exactly.

And it is delicious.

Your dream drink.

Oh, see, another one that's really hard to answer.

I went in so many different directions.

Depends.

If it's breakfast, it's a cup of tea.

No, not breakfast, a cup of tea.

That is my one of my favorite drinks.

You really are obsessed with breakfast.

I love that.

No, it's no good tea.

Oh my God, a proper builder's brew.

Do you want it taken from a builder?

Do you want it made

to be a builder's cup of tea?

You know what I mean?

Like, I can't do it.

I can't do like a posh tea.

It's got to be a proper builder.

It's a proper, legit, if it's sheer gold.

If a builder's made it for himself, I would take that.

I would take that and not feel bad about it at all.

Yeah.

Steal it off the bill.

If I'm having like Asian food, a lychee martini,

Diet Coke, if I'm having like a a burger, a freezing cold glass of ice water if you're really, really thirsty,

and a glass of wine.

I love a glass of wine if I'm having a steak or that kind of meal.

Yeah.

Or any meal actually, apart from breakfast.

Apart from breakfast, then it would be a good glass of wine.

But you said you'd have breakfast for dinner, so that's okay.

Yeah.

If you have breakfast for dinner, you can have a glass of wine.

Wine and cereal.

Proper Builder's wine.

Yeah.

What cereal would red wine go?

What

the most?

Like, which cereal?

If you had to have red wine with a cereal oh I don't really drink red wine obviously this is white wine you were talking about white wine would go better with better with cereal than red wine definitely yes yes it would already it's easier yeah I think wine with any cereal would just be wrong on so many I don't know dessert wine a nice dessert wine with a bowl of with a bowl of like

yeah oh I find it too sweet I love it do you I love it if you go for a meal where there's like wine pairing and stuff do you do you like enjoy yeah yeah yeah we we we went for a meal together on new year's eve and did did all the wine pairings and stuff i didn't i i made a huge mistake we went to a restaurant called longclume in in the lake district which is absolutely amazing restaurant it's fantastic and james has just reminded me he didn't do the wine pairing i did the wine pairing and james got a different cocktail with every single course i was hammered

there you are i was doing my thing i was looking for my mark were you getting down on the floor yeah i was doing all of them i was screaming out we were screaming out for more oh he's doing all of it oh we watched i would hope so with a cocktail every day.

Oh, yeah.

It was duping.

You were swinging all over the place, yeah.

I was showing them how.

And, like,

yeah, I had a lot of cocktails.

And also, anytime they had a wine that they were particularly like, oh, this wine's amazing, I'll go, I'll get in on that.

I'll have a glass of that.

Dip in and out.

Yeah.

Mid-cocktail.

Felt great for the whole meal, but as soon as we got home, I was like, oh, I'm done.

I'm blasted.

I'm going to bed.

Yeah, yeah.

How did you feel the next day?

Were you?

Actually, not as bad as I thought I was going to feel.

I think because we had so much food as well.

So I was kind of, of, I kind of escaped it a bit.

I didn't feel fresh as a daisy, but I could have felt worse.

I've had worse New Year's days.

He just turned into a dad.

Like, we sat round after we'd had the meal, and we were just on the sofa, we were just hanging out, and people were on their phones.

He was like, ah, get off your phones.

It's New Year's.

It's New Year's.

We're going to have a conversation.

Get off your phones.

You're all on your phones.

What's the problem?

Let's ring John Robbins.

Yeah, I was doing that.

Let's ring John Robbins.

Like,

I'll fed John Robbins.

Everyone's like, don't ring John.

Yeah, don't ring John.

One in the morning.

We're going to ring him.

We're going to ring him.

So you didn't ring him?

No, he wouldn't have appreciated that.

No,

he was happy as OD, isn't he?

Yeah, we have done wine pounds in the past.

And I thought this time, I thought, Joe what, you always get sick of wine really early in the wine pairing.

Don't do it this time.

Let's just have a cocktail.

And then I just went nuts.

But then you dipped in with the really like good ones.

Dessert wine, for example.

They had a dessert wine that was like liquid marmalade.

It was amazing.

But maybe that would be too sweet for you.

Oh, I want to go to this restaurant.

It's fantastic.

Long plume.

You should go.

You've never been to the lake district beautiful part of the world

love to yeah sweet dreams my ldx

so you've got a lot of like shout outs for drinks that are your favorites but do you have one in particular that's going to be your dream meal drink my dream meal drink i go glass of wine yeah yeah any particular wine that you're a big fan of i'm not great with knowing what i know what i like taste-wise but i'm not i don't really know about wines um but definitely white i know this is really bad for people who are like wine snobs but i like like a glass of ice in my wine yeah i know i know i know

but i do i like it

but not enough for it to sort of get watery just a little bit of ice just a little cube yeah yeah but yeah just a nice well-rounded glass of white wine i like a rose in the summer as well yeah i do love my wine and it's something that i've got as i've gotten older i've just like more and more yeah i i really enjoy wine and i've learnt now to not just keep drinking wine i can have a glass of wine and be like that was lovely yeah and now i can stop definitely this guy can't with cocktails yeah no

but it is different yeah because wine wine hangovers are the worst the worst especially if it's bad wines yeah like pub wines yeah yeah and i can taste it immediately now i was at a thing the other night i had a glass of red wine there one set i'm like it's going to be a bad day tomorrow yeah oh yeah i'm instantly getting

it straight away headache juice yeah really bad but you know what i've noticed organic wine and biodynamic wine no headache the next day and i don't know if it's a placebo effect but i definitely think that it's cleaner and there's not as much of the crap in there and the sulfites or whatever they stick in it.

Yeah,

it definitely does make a difference.

So now I do try and drink more organic wine.

I've noticed that with that, but then I thought, let's really experiment.

I had like two bottles of it, and you do still get a hangover.

Really?

After two bottles.

Yeah, if you neck it, it's still bad enough.

Good to know.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

I think I would be.

I mean, I always swore.

I don't know what would happen to me if I had two bottles of wine.

I'm lightweight when it comes to alcohol.

Rachel was surprised by how tall we were, James.

Yes, I know.

How tall are you?

I'm 6'1.

6'1.

I'm about 6'1.

Okay.

I'm 5'

So that's why I feel like

you tall.

Smaller than us.

Yeah.

But he does only 5'10, but he says 5'5 foot.

Yeah, he is.

He wears lifts.

Wears lifts.

Yeah.

Yeah, yeah.

So do I.

They're good, aren't they?

He loves theme parks, Rachel.

Really?

Where do you stand on theme parks?

I love a theme park.

Yeah.

Yeah.

I'm a bit of a wuss, though, on the I like fast, but I don't like tunnels and I don't like upside down.

So I ask lots of questions before I go on murder coasters.

But I love a fast roller coaster.

It's a TV show in

getting you to do like things that are out of your comfort zone.

Like Rachel Stevens goes out of her comfort zone.

There's so many things.

It feels like, yeah, going through tunnels on a roller coaster, having sugar cereal,

having two bottles of wine.

Like, yeah, I think I'd be in a hospital if I had two bottles of wine.

Do you reckon?

Yeah, I reckon.

But yeah, that is is a really good idea, but also really scary.

Not fun for me, but a very good idea.

Yeah, yeah, I think.

Face my fears.

Yeah, yeah.

I don't think two bottles of wine counts as it.

I don't think you'd get away with that on TV these days.

What?

An episode where Rachel Stevens drinks two bottles of wine.

You name one person who's not watching that.

No, I'm talking about who's going to make that.

I mean, Edwin would.

You.

Yeah.

Okay, we'll make it.

We'll make it.

Yeah, we'll make it.

Probably online.

Dependent production.

Yeah.

Online.

But we make it, then we take it to channels and then they'll bite our hand off.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

So, our first episode is Rachel Stevens dreaming.

We've got so much out of this.

We've got a new podcast.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

I know.

A TV show.

We're poets.

We're poets now.

Yeah.

You know, I mean, it's just so much.

You've agreed that you're going to say Rachel's doing her thing on stage?

Yeah.

Oh, my God.

Yes.

Let's not forget that.

In between every song, that's in between.

Do you not think that's a bit much?

That's really funny.

I think it'll start to feel a bit much after three or four, but then after five or six, it'll start to pick up steam again.

Oh, my God, Rachel.

It will just feel natural.

Every single song you turned to the audience just you and went, Rachel's doing her thing

every single time.

It would be brilliant.

Who would be most annoyed that you kept doing that?

Who would get angry first?

John.

John.

Well, he's he's trying to show off.

He's looking for romance, isn't he?

Yeah, yeah.

Yeah.

It's like, I'm trying to look for romance.

Come on.

Stop saying you're doing your thing.

I'm going to think about that now.

Every time I'm on stage, I'm going to be doing when we're doing S Club party.

I'm going to be like, Is it time?

Is it time now?

Ed saw a metal band once who, in between every song, dedicated each song to people who talk shit behind your back.

Yeah, every single time.

I saw a band who, every single song they played, they dedicated it to people who talk shit behind your back.

But using those words, this is those people who talk shit behind your back.

They'd go through the song.

Every song.

And the song was less than a minute long as well.

So really funny.

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We arrive at your dream dessert.

Now, this is interesting because you seem like a very disciplined, sensible person, and that does not spell out dessert to me.

There you go.

Well, hold on.

Let's see.

Rachel said she's got cereal, but she's going to have two.

Okay.

Straight away.

Two.

Is that all right?

Well, yeah, of course it's okay.

So

crumble with boiling hot custard.

Of course.

Yeah, boiling hot.

Yeah, yeah.

Or a sticky toffee pudding with freezing cold vanilla ice cream.

Classics.

Classics for one.

You want them far away from each other.

You don't want them affecting each other temperature-wise.

No.

Do you want to eat them one after the other at the same time?

I wasn't going to have them at the same time, but.

You don't have to.

If you want them one after the other, fine, but then I'm going to have to know.

I would dip in and out.

I would dip in and out of each one.

I like sharing food.

Are you good sharers?

Yeah.

No.

You are.

You're not.

No.

There has to be enough.

I have to see that there's definitely enough for me to have as much as I want and then other people are going to join in.

If it arrives and it's quite small and I know we're going to, I don't know, I don't know if I'm...

Because when something arrives that you've got to share, people want to act like they're chill about it.

Yeah.

And they're like, oh, yeah, share.

And we're just like chatting and taking a bit.

If something arrives, if there's four of us at a table and something arrives, I immediately I get the knife and I'm cutting that up into four exact pieces and taking my.

Oh my God, I love that.

And everyone knows where they're at.

Everyone knows where they're at.

Everyone's really great.

The boundaries are strong.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

And there's no awkward moment of that last little bit.

Yeah, yeah.

There is the awkward moment

at the start when one of us gets a knife and says, wipe, I'm not, I'm going to do it in the four, and this is how much you're all getting.

That's awkward.

But we'll probably all have that awkward moment.

Everyone knows where they're at.

It's good to you've got to draw the boundaries early.

You have, yeah.

You have, yeah.

Yeah, I love that.

I just think if in the end there's not enough, there's such a joy in ordering another one.

There is.

It's very laid back and chilled.

It's just great because you go, well, if I don't have enough of this, and we all feel like that was great, but we wanted more.

It feels really good to go, let's get another.

Yeah, but then when the new one comes, you just worry about that.

Then I've got to divide that up.

Because what if the person who didn't get enough the first time, then you've got to make sure they get enough, right?

Yeah.

So isn't it easier just you could order one each?

I think that's that's the way to go.

So we've discovered you're not a sharer.

Yeah.

No, I mean, I can, but I just need to

see them share.

Yeah.

But he's he's stressed.

Yeah, stressed.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

I feel, yeah, I hear that.

I do hear that.

Yeah, yeah.

So if you're eating with other people at this dream meal, you want a big apple crumb break.

I hope I'm eating with other people.

That's very sad.

I like going out for lunch.

I sometimes like going out my own for lunch or something.

It's nice, yeah.

Not for dinner, though.

Oh, really?

Yeah.

I have done it, and I actually really, it's nice too.

But end of the day.

I just think a dinner is a lovely social, in fact, food in general, going out.

It's one of my favourite things things in life is to go out for a meal it's like the best thing but yeah i just feel like dinner's more of a company social it's so lunch is a bit more because you can do your bit of work and you're going somewhere else after yeah yeah whereas i think what we're saying is it's sadder to be lonely at night than during the day yes interesting

yeah that's what i was saying from what because other people seeing you in the restaurant as well being like yeah i re I saw an old man in um at the pub the other day and I felt sad yeah and I should you know, he was.

He was really cute and I love old people and he was like, he was, yeah, and I felt really sad, but he's probably really happy that he's having a night, you know, but I was just like, I wanted to talk to him.

He would have hated that.

I know.

I'd be like, who is this?

I think by the time you're an old man, if you're alone in the pub,

I'll be absolutely loving it.

You're in heaven.

You're in absolute heaven.

What kind of a pub was it?

Like Papa Old Pub?

Yeah.

Yeah.

He would have absolutely loved that.

I hope so.

Just staring at his pint.

Yeah.

I hope so.

He had a spaghetti bolognese.

Brilliant.

Well, it's quite sad, actually.

Yeah, yeah.

There's actually quite sad.

It's sad.

I thought he was just at the bar drinking.

No, he was eating.

Which somehow, in my head, is less tragic than having the spaghetti bolognese.

I don't know why that's sadder.

I so know where you're going to be.

I bet he was really looking forward to that spaghetti bolognese.

I bet he was at home.

Spaghetti Bolognese, that's another one.

Oh, I can't wait for that spaghetti bolognese at the pub.

Like that.

He couldn't wait.

Yeah.

I hope so.

I hope so.

Because I felt sad for him doing his thing.

He was doing his thing.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Yeah.

You got

old man's doing his thing.

Eating his bowl full of pasta.

Well, I hope it didn't go too fast.

I haven't.

No, no, he's old man.

What's been the weirdest time when someone's known who you are?

You're like, you can't believe that they recognise you.

We went to,

this isn't weird at all, but it was just, it was, it's like when people come up to me and say, oh my God, you were my childhood.

And it's like, oh, my God, I'm like old now.

Sure.

And we went to a school yesterday to working with a charity, and we went to a school to learn CPR, which was really, really cool.

And all the teachers were really excited because they were like, you were our childhood.

And the kids were just like, yeah, whatever.

I've got to learn C time recently.

Learning CPR.

No, no, no,

never need that.

I've got to do the pumps in time to S-Club party.

That's how it apparently don't stop moving is the perfect timing to do.

How long?

17 BPMs.

Is that the S-Club one?

What?

Don't stop moving.

Yeah.

Man, you've got so many hits, man.

But you knew that, being a proper S-Club fan.

Yeah, you know, you knew that.

I know that song Inside Out, and there's a load of songs that I know are definitely S-Club.

That one had disconnected in my mind.

Yeah.

But when you discover a band's got even more bangers than you thought,

respect.

And that one saves lives.

That one saves lives as well.

Yeah.

It would be weird for you then if you had to give someone a CPR and you got to be singing your own song.

I mean, if anything,

they're getting the best treatment.

She said,

it's that BPM.

Yeah, yeah, I'm all right.

Yeah, I mean, I think I don't think I should sing it while I'm doing it because I think that would be inappropriate.

Also, you shouldn't like have the rest of the guys there to take over when it's their bit or like that backing dancing, yeah, yeah, in between every compression.

You're going Rachel's doing her thing in between each one.

Rachel, I'm dying.

It was really cool to learn that, though.

Really, really, yeah, great life skill to have.

If If I was in a band, I would probably

find out like, right, what's that BPM and write a song specifically for that?

For CPR.

So that I'd be the next one.

Because obviously it used to be Staying Alive by Bee Gee's.

I feel like that's the same thing.

That's the one they played.

But now you've overtaken that.

You've pushed them out.

There's room for all.

No, it's not.

You know.

It's you guys know.

Bee Gees got to accept that.

Yeah.

And you've got to own it.

That's cool.

Okay.

But someone, if I was in a band, I'd be thinking, I've got an op-escope off the bottom.

It's got to be off the top.

It's between 100 and 120 BPMs.

Yeah.

Have they specifically picked songs with titles that relate to stopping someone dying, though?

Yeah, you have to call it something like that.

Yeah, Don't Stop Moving.

Yeah.

Yes, you'd have to name it something that is.

I just call the song CPR.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Or pasta.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Well, the P will stand for pasta and CPR.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Now we're thinking, what's theodore's dance on?

Well, Cat's Pasta revival.

Cat's pasta romance.

Yeah, Cat's Pasta Romance.

The creativeness that's going on here.

Oh my God, the creative juice is flowing in here today.

I'm a vision manufacturer now.

See how you feel about it, Rachel.

You would like still water with ice, extra cold.

Pop on some bread, you want sourdough toasted, dripping with butter, salty butter with some salt on top of it.

Starter.

Burrata with balsamic glaze, fresh tomatoes, and basil.

Main course, lobster and chips, air-fried.

Side dish.

Charred tenderstem broccoli with chili and garlic.

Long boys.

Long boys or girls.

Okay.

Or just vegetables.

Drink a glass of well-rounded white wine with a cube of ice in it.

Dessert, apple crumble with boiling hot vanilla custard, and a sticky toffee pudding with freezing cold vanilla ice cream, not too close to each other.

And the mine that you did earlier, that we didn't really convey to the listeners, is you were like, hey, you had a spoon in each hand, and you were eating them kind of at the same time.

Looking at, like,

I hate to come back to it, an octopus.

Brilliant.

Yes.

That's what I'd like an octopus to teach me.

How do we eat

once?

I feel seen.

It's the only thing I'd want an octopus to teach me.

Thank you so much, Rachel.

Thank you.

Thank you, Rachel.

It's It's been really fun.

Thank you.

There we are.

Lovely to speak to Rachel, James.

Lovely menu.

Yes, lovely menu.

Didn't say party rings.

Didn't say party rings.

I think we gave her some good ideas for the S-Club tour.

And I think we all know who we are booking as soon as possible.

It's Kat Dealey.

Yeah, listen.

I'm a man of my word.

I'm a man of your word.

And I will tell you, I have worked with Kat Dealy before.

She is absolutely fantastic, fun.

fun and she does like food because I work with her on Great British menus.

So I think she'll be a great guest.

But the difficulty for me, if we're talking to Kat Dealy, is how quickly I bring up the poem.

I imagine it'll be straight away.

Yeah.

I think your big challenge is to not bring it up before we start recording.

No, no, no, no, no.

I'd save it, man.

I'd probably have to go in a different room and just come in for the recording, but I'd save it.

But my worry is if you read the poem to Kat Dealey, Kealty's going to be on your tail.

Maybe I'll write a poem for Kilty now

so that I can...

Good luck fucking rhyming that.

So that

if he's coming for me, I can leave him a poem and come and get it.

There's no way you're rhyming Kealty with anything.

Fealty.

I guess fealty is a word, isn't it?

But also, I'd love to see Patrick Kilty again because,

you know, the last time I saw him was with my dad when we bumped into him in Edinburgh.

Yeah.

And I introduced him to my dad.

And my dad said, Mr.

Kilty, it's an honour.

Yes.

And shook his hand.

One of my favourite stories.

I never knew that my dad yeah admired the work of patrick kilty until then we've got so much to speak to dealy about man so we'll bring up mr kilty it's an honour surely yeah yeah yeah um look thank you so much to rachel for coming in thank you rachel lovely chat so nice to meet a pop icon yeah uh we will be back next week with another episode of the off menu podcast of the off menu podcast live head and james

Popsicles, sprinklers, a cool breeze.

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Oh, hi, James.

Have you heard the news?

Oh, yeah.

Go on.

You and I are modern boys because the off-menu podcast is now on YouTube.

This is embarrassing.

Why is it embarrassing, man?

You love YouTube.

I love watching clips on YouTube.

Sure.

Now people can watch clips of Off Menu on YouTube and full episodes.

But it's embarrassing, man.

It's not embarrassing at all.

It's really cool.

We're on YouTube with the great and good.

The coolest people in the world are on YouTube.

Me, you, Logan Paul.

Who's Logan Paul, the dad from Succession?

At Off Menu Podcast.

That's what Benito's calling us now.

And we're on TikTok.

This is embarrassing, man.

It's not embarrassing, man.

We're cool.

We're like Olivia Rodrigo.

And Ed.

People have been asking us, battering us, bothering us, actually.

They want to watch the Stephen Graham supercut from the Stephen Graham episodes.

They can see all of his reactions to us, everything that he did.

Oh, Benito has bent to their whims, and he's going to put it on YouTube, he's going to do it.

Follow us at Off Menu Official on TikTok at Off Menu Podcast on YouTube.

You can watch clips from the podcast, and on YouTube, you can watch full video episodes.

People have been asking for it, and you're finally getting it.

Full video episodes, so you can see every single nuance on our little faces.