Ep 251: Helen Skelton

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Speaker 1 Welcome to the Off-Menu podcast, taking the big flat cake of conversation, adding the cream of humor, the jam of friendship, and rolling it all up on the internet. Swiss Roll Podcast.

Speaker 1 That is a gamble. My name is James Acasta.

Speaker 1 Together, we own a dream restaurant, and every single week we're inviting a guest and asking their favourite ever start and Main Course dessert side dish and drink, not in that order.

Speaker 1 And this week, our guest is Helen Skelton. Helen is a TV presenter.
She's done so many things, James. You know what I'm excited about? Blue Peter, Country File.
She is a broadcaster of much repute.

Speaker 1 She has a book out now called In My Stride. It's a memoir all about her life, James, as memoirs tend to be.
And she talks about Strictly in it. Okay.

Speaker 1 You've got to promise me, man, that when Helen comes on the podcast, we don't just talk about Strictly the whole time because a lot of listeners may know this already.

Speaker 1 You are an obsessive Strictly fan, like to the extent you are basically a mum in her 50s. Yeah.

Speaker 1 Like you are obsessed with it, which makes me laugh because it's just not your personality in any other way.

Speaker 1 But you've got to promise me this doesn't get taken over by Strictly because Ed. This is a food podcast.
This is a food podcast. It's a food and comedy chat podcast.

Speaker 1 Listen, all joking aside, you know that I love Strictly, but I respect this podcast. I respect you and Benito and your time.

Speaker 1 And we are just going to, we're going to stick to food. We might a little bit mention Strickly.
Sometimes we go on tangents. But we're going to stick to food.

Speaker 1 We'll stick to the book in my stride, Helen Skelton and her life.

Speaker 1 But don't worry. I'm aware, man.
Like, I'm a professional, and I know this podcast means a lot to you. Well, if that's a promise, then I'll take it as such.
You have my word. Okay, thank you.

Speaker 1 If Helen mentions a secret ingredient that we have pre-decided upon, she will be removed from the dream restaurant. And the secret ingredient this week is

Speaker 1 the beards at the end of spring onions.

Speaker 2 Now, Benito came up with this one.

Speaker 1 Well, he didn't. You did.
You said it. You know when you get a spring onion, it's got a beard at the bottom? Yep.
Imagine getting that in your food. So, I guess I'm going to interview you now, Ed.

Speaker 1 Have you, has that ever happened to you? Well, yeah, sure. Little strands come off sometimes if you're using it.

Speaker 1 If you're chopping a spring onion, you chop the beards off, there might be a little strand of beard and it might get into your stir-fry.

Speaker 1 And that's not pleasant to find no so if helen chooses spring onions or something with spring onions in and that will say do you want the beard do you want the beard in there yeah beard or no beard beard or no beard and if it says beard we cook her out yeah fair enough that sounds fair enough doesn't i think that's the best one we've done in a while

Speaker 1 yeah yeah so it's a really good one man yeah it's good stuff yeah yeah it's good stuff spring onion beard yeah yeah he said he suggested it before the podcast he said it benito was looking at his computer and trying to find ones we'd been sent in by listeners And Ed went, Spring Onion Beard.

Speaker 1 And Ben said, what's spring onion beard? And he went, the beard of a spring onion.

Speaker 1 Benito went, oh, yeah, okay, fine.

Speaker 1 And Ed was like, is that okay? And Benito went, I don't give a shit.

Speaker 1 Yeah, I think you should give a shit, Benito. He didn't give a shit.
And then we just started just press record and looked at Ed. Oh, that was it.

Speaker 1 No, that was another thing that happened before he pressed record. Ed was like, he was like, are you ready, Ed? And Ed was like, no, obviously not.
Obviously, I'm not ready.

Speaker 1 I've got a thing of of what thing I've got to say at the top.

Speaker 1 And Ben went, Swiss roll?

Speaker 1 I don't know how to make a Swiss roll.

Speaker 1 It's just KO thing. And it's like got cream and jam.

Speaker 1 And Ed thought for a little bit. His eyes went up into the top of his head.

Speaker 1 And then he went, yeah, yeah, yeah, okay.

Speaker 1 And then

Speaker 1 he started talking about that. Look, I can't be forced.
I've got to come up with a secret ingredient, big onion beards, and I've got to do my intro.

Speaker 1 You know, I've got a lot of stuff to do at the top here. Yeah, yeah,

Speaker 1 you're spinning a lot of plates. I'm spinning a lot of plates, man.
Not like Benito. No.
As far as I can work out, he just sits in the corner of the room, making everyone uncomfortable.

Speaker 1 He's got nothing to do. Yeah.

Speaker 1 Creeping up the guests. Just they just sat here and go, who's this guy? They don't like it.
Unless he's Steve Coogan, and then you just talk directly to Ben the whole thing. Yeah,

Speaker 1 you just deliver your whole thing to Ben, which no one would know listening to the podcast.

Speaker 1 I urge the listener to go back, re-listen to the Steve Coogan episode, and bear in mind that for 90% of it, or 95% to be more accurate, he is looking straight at Benito.

Speaker 1 Yeah, if you look at there's a couple of clips on our social media, and there is one where he does turn to Benito to say something, yeah, yeah, yeah.

Speaker 1 And that was that was like a tiny proportion of the times he did it, yeah, yeah, minuscule, yeah.

Speaker 1 But we're looking forward to chatting to Helen about her life and career, the whole thing, and definitely not just one thing. Yes, this is the off-menu menu of Helen Skelton.

Speaker 1 Welcome Helen to the Dream Restaurant. Hello.
Thank you for having me.

Speaker 1 Welcome, Helen Skelter, to the Dream Restaurant. We've been expecting you for some time.
Thank you. I'm sorry, I'm late.
No, no, no, no.

Speaker 1 I always worry about James's catchphrase is, we've been expecting you for some time. And he says it to every guest.
Yes.

Speaker 1 So I always worry that guests

Speaker 1 think that they've been late. No, but I genuinely was late.
That's why I said that. Yeah, but

Speaker 1 it wasn't your fault for

Speaker 1 a little peek behind the curtain.

Speaker 1 There was a late cap, and that's what's happened and i'll be honest with you helen that we were very grateful for it because we'd not eaten lunch so now we have eaten lunch yeah and you're getting two boys in a better mood everybody is better when they're fed yes exactly yes that's fed and fresh podcast is all about yeah And you've just eaten as well.

Speaker 1 You had a very long bit of mozzarella.

Speaker 1 It's the stringiest cheese ever. It was really stringy.
I looked away when you were taking a bite of the sandwich because I'm a gentleman.

Speaker 1 And then I heard a fracker and I looked over and I'd say the string of mozzarella was maybe three feet away from your face. I could tell you felt awkward.
It was like, oh, we've just met.

Speaker 1 She's, oh, she's eating a sandwich. Oh, I don't know where to look.
Oh, now there's cheese everywhere.

Speaker 1 Cheese will never end. Yeah.
No, I feel like the ice was broken. The ice was totally broken.
The ice was definitely broken. Even if the cheese wasn't.

Speaker 1 Very good, Ed. Thank you.

Speaker 1 Also, very excited about your book, In My Stride, which is out now.

Speaker 1 What can people expect who buy that book? Adventures, confessions,

Speaker 1 laughs, life.

Speaker 1 Some people are like, oh, gosh, you overshared. Oh, you've undershared.
So, do you know what I've enjoyed is that people have got a laugh and a smile and a nice tear out of it in places.

Speaker 1 It's always, do you know what? Before you put it out there, everyone said to me, Do you feel like you're about to run naked down the street? And I said, Yeah, that's exactly it.

Speaker 1 Because obviously, you're looking back on stuff, but you don't know how other people look back on stuff.

Speaker 1 Like your version of a time or a, you know, a trip or an adventure or a challenge or whatever might be different to how other people saw it. So it's just been a nice relief to get people's feedback.

Speaker 1 The weirdest thing that I've had so much of is dads buying this book for their grown-up daughters, which I didn't expect. That's sweet though.
Oh, it's cute. Like, yeah.
Yeah.

Speaker 1 Like grown-ups going, oh, my daughter wants to do this and my daughter wants to do that. And I just thought if she reads this book, she might, which is the ultimate compliment.
Yeah.

Speaker 1 Where do the dads know you're from, do you reckon?

Speaker 1 What are the dads fans? Let's go pull on that thread.

Speaker 1 I want to say the Olympics. Let's say that.
The Olympics. Yeah, yeah, fair enough.
Country file. Dads love country file.
Yeah, there you go. Yeah,

Speaker 1 dads do love Country File.

Speaker 1 Every dad who watches Country File would probably hope that their daughter would become a presenter on Country File. Because this is just a good, wholesome person, right? There you go.

Speaker 1 That's a great save. Untrue.
Yeah, like.

Speaker 1 That's how Country File comes across.

Speaker 1 I watch it and think, like, oh, gosh, yeah, we should all be like that. James doesn't have children, neither do I.

Speaker 1 But if he was a dad, he'd like to hope for his children to be presenters on Country File, is what he's saying. I'd hope that I, yeah, yeah, I kind of birthed Kate Humble or someone like that.

Speaker 1 Or Ellie Harrison, yeah, yeah, yeah,

Speaker 1 or Helen Skelton, less than Skeleton.

Speaker 1 The perfect example is in the room, James. Yes, I don't know why you're bringing Humble up.
Oh, no, I mean, we all aspire to be Kate Humble. Yeah, that's true.
Me too.

Speaker 1 I know you mean that, Blue Peter and Country File. If your daughter's got to be a presenter on any show, it's Blue Peter and Country File.
And Five Lives What? Yeah.

Speaker 1 Versus a lot of dads would probably aim for that versus I'm not even going to finish that sentence. Yeah, yeah.
But it's the perfect mix.

Speaker 1 If I had a son, I wouldn't wish he would be a presenter of Blue Peter. No, they're optimistic.
They're optimistic. All sorts of those guys.
We fly red arrows and make stuff out of pictures.

Speaker 1 Oh, yeah, but no, I get what Ed's saying is that the male presenters is different, eh? Some. Male presenters are absolutely.
They're terrorists.

Speaker 1 It's like you might as well be giving birth to Sid Vicious.

Speaker 1 Blue Peter, male blue Peter presenter. Not in my day.
No, not in your day. Mark Baker was a Blue Peter presenter.
And end of story.

Speaker 1 that's my case

Speaker 1 i was very excited about the book and like you're saying about the oversharing under sharing thing and that that intrigues me a lot because my introduction to you was through the last series of strictly last year and i got very invested in your story throughout the whole series but what was amazing about it was that it wasn't really it was this story that wasn't been you weren't talking about it on the show And it was maybe what we put on it rather than what you were actually.

Speaker 1 I don't know. I felt like we were projecting a bit or we were putting a lot of stuff on you and that wasn't g that maybe wasn't part of your journey with it with that with that show.

Speaker 1 No, and I think that's a really astute assessment because in our generation, in our world, we share everything, don't we?

Speaker 1 And you get an opinion of someone and you're getting, you know, it's so easy to look at someone and go, oh, they must be mad. Why? Because they posted a picture of their cheese sandwich.

Speaker 1 Like you make an opinion based on what you think their life is. And I mean, there's loads of Strictly in the book.

Speaker 1 And that for me, again, was the biggest test when Gorka, who was my Strictly partner, when he read it and he was like, oh yeah, I cried in a a good way.

Speaker 1 Like I, it was, I was really happy with how you shared the story. And I think for me, it was just a crazy, full-on, wonderful time.

Speaker 1 But even as someone who's been in tele, you know, my whole adult life, I totally underestimated the eyes and the expectations and the perceptions that are put on Strict B.

Speaker 1 You know, you walk out onto a dance floor, bearing in mind you're wearing a massive hairpiece that's not yours, a load of makeup that's not yours.

Speaker 1 And all of that is designed to make you feel amazing and a costume that's designed to make you feel amazing. But if it's not yours, you're still a bit like, oh my gosh, like, what is happening to me?

Speaker 1 Do I, am I all right about this? Whilst also having to keep in your head a whole dance routine as well. And do a cha-cha-cha.

Speaker 1 Like, I mean, if you don't do that, then, and it's really interesting now watching it, I can see the people who are just in their stride, hit the ground running, and the people who really want to like it, who are like at the edge of the party, but want to get in the middle of the dance floor, but don't quite know how.

Speaker 1 And that was me.

Speaker 1 And I feel like I'm a bit upset. Like, I'm always texting, I was always texting like Annabel Croft and various people, you know, Angela Rick and I'm like, just go for it, just get stuck in.

Speaker 1 People tell you to do that, but quite often you don't until it's too late. So I was glad that I got the chance to stay in as long.

Speaker 1 I guess the long-winded answer to your question is I didn't mind what people thought about me because I was in it. And the longer I was in it, the more I enjoyed it and found my feet.

Speaker 1 And so I didn't really mind what people were saying. Well, that came across as well.

Speaker 1 That was what I think people got invested in with you is that you, yeah, at the beginning, it was like, oh, maybe you weren't very comfortable.

Speaker 1 And by the end, you were a completely different person, which is quite rare

Speaker 1 on that show. I mean, the first week I hid on the fire escape,

Speaker 1 like I did the dance. You have to go on a Friday and I do a camera block and you learn the dance in your room, and it's awkward at first.

Speaker 1 If you're not, I don't know, some people we met and we're like, oh, awkward hug. Like, some people are quite physical straight away.
I wasn't.

Speaker 1 So, even like standing in hold with someone for the first week is weird. You're like, oh, hello, nice to meet you.
Oh, like, our cheeks are right next to each other.

Speaker 1 Oh, you put your hand around my back. Oh, nice.
Hello.

Speaker 1 It's weird. And then you're in this costume, again, weird, the hair, the makeup, all of that.

Speaker 1 You'd have to go on the dance floor, did the dance, and they went, Helen, you look like you just can't wait to get off. And I was like, it's fine.
They can have their turn. I'm fine.

Speaker 1 And I went and I was on the fire escape and I was like, what am I doing?

Speaker 1 And I couldn't understand why some of the others, like Fleur and Molly and Tyler and James Bay, they'd be like hyping each other up, dancing in the corridors, doing TikToks.

Speaker 1 And I genuinely used to sit in the corridor and I was like, how are they doing that?

Speaker 1 Why are they doing that? Me and Ellie Taylor would look at each other and be like, What has happened to our lives?

Speaker 1 And you want to, you want to be that person, you know, like I want to be fun, Bobby, but I think sometimes it takes you a bit of time to get there. And yeah, by the end, I got it.

Speaker 1 By the end, I was like, Oh, yeah, I really, really want to do the dance. The week of the final, I was like, I can't wait to get out there.

Speaker 1 Whereas for like week one, two, three, four, up until the Charleston, I was like, Oh my gosh, are we still here? Like, must I?

Speaker 1 Oh, terrifying. That came across.

Speaker 1 Let me tell you,

Speaker 1 That was what was such a great thing about watching that series. It's like,

Speaker 1 I mean, look, I know we've got to talk about food. But that's what people...

Speaker 1 It's one of Ed's favourite things as how much I'm into Strictly.

Speaker 1 Yeah, it makes me laugh because it's so antithetical to your entire personality and everything else you like that you're just obsessed with Strictly. Yeah, obsessed.
But you get addicted to it.

Speaker 1 Ellie Taylor and I stood in our dressing room one day and Will Miller was in the next dressing room and he was doing videos and like role-playing and like so we could hear him acting out characters.

Speaker 1 Molly and Fleur shared a dressing room next door and they were doing TikToks and singing like a cappella because they're insanely talented and just wonderful and there was all this like showbiz going around and Ellie Taylor was dressed as little bo peep with this massive bonnet on and there was a woman between my legs like sewing the gusset of my pants to the dress so that my knickers didn't flash on the zelly and she looked at me and she went Helen we've got mortgages and I was like I know what's happening but when you're in it it's so I don't know, it's so wonderful.

Speaker 1 I was the same. I was like, I don't want to do singing and dancing on telly.

Speaker 1 And the more you get into it, it, you're like, oh, it's like running down a hill as fast as you can, so fast you think your legs might fall off.

Speaker 1 If you commit to it, it's just the best feeling in the world. But I think viewers want that from Stritley, right?

Speaker 1 They want to see someone's journey from maybe being a bit uncomfortable at the beginning and then really getting into it.

Speaker 1 And by the end, so you can compare the end and the beginning and look at what you've achieved.

Speaker 1 We don't need these people coming on episode one and being amazing at dancing and getting nailing everything. Sod that.

Speaker 1 The ones who are confident from the start, they might get to the final helm, but they ain't going to win.

Speaker 1 I've got a picture of me doing that mine hair dance on like my on my wall i showed him that earlier today you show i showed him that one i was like what was i thinking i was in suspenders and a corset crawling around on a spanish guy's back like what's happening gorka's name is gorka

Speaker 1 it was so

Speaker 1 great that dance me and my girlfriend we're watching it at home and after you finish it we're like

Speaker 1 it's like properly like we just seen one of the best things on tv do you think you should host a strictly podcast james because you should do the show would you do the show turn this one into a strictly podcast slowly

Speaker 1 you guys won't even notice you are doing a good job so far i've started to notice

Speaker 1 but you get what it's about like it is the magic of that show it isn't about dancing yeah it's about you know like i remember one week the sam my samba was rubbish and i was like i'm not here to do the best samba i'm here to be like sometimes life is a bit hard but you've just got to get on with it and do the best you can and have a laugh along the way and what's great about everyone on that show gorker for me was the personification of it their job is to make you feel great great and you step over the threshold of that place and everything, you know, there's people designing a hairstyle for you to feel good.

Speaker 1 I mean, what a wonderful opportunity that is for you to appreciate that. I mean, I loved, apart from the actual dancing in the beginning, I loved every bit of it.

Speaker 1 And like, when it came on this year, I was so in a good way jealous. Yeah, yeah.

Speaker 1 So I tell you what, no one gives a shit about at the start of each episode, all the professional dancers come out and they do a big dance number together. Fast forward.

Speaker 1 No, I'm the opposite. Do not give a fuck.

Speaker 1 I'm the opposite.

Speaker 1 I think now I think. You can fast forward the rest of the stuff.
Yeah,

Speaker 1 I love the dancer. I'm like the geek that looks at all the

Speaker 1 slow down gawkers bit. I'm like, you were particularly good then.
Like, I have a valid opinion. Yeah, yeah.
I don't watch the professional dancers at the beginning. Don't care.

Speaker 1 I just love how much you love Strict Leave. Yeah.
We can carry this on later between ourselves. Yeah, we can carry on.
Should we do a Strictly podcast? No, no, no, this is the Strictly podcast.

Speaker 1 We always start with still a sparkling water, Helen. helen sparkling it's the strictly of waters yeah if you want to come on talk about it

Speaker 1 i'm just trying to give this episode some sort of cohesion james yeah yeah yeah fair enough have you always liked sparkling water yes i mean of all the tv shows you've done obviously strictly oh my god i'm aware that

Speaker 1 oh my god i'm aware that like this might be leader but but like helen i don't want you to feel this my reaction to this is personal against you no it's fine i get it i mean you're drinking you're drinking different waters on all the tv shows you've done right Say you're presenting Country File.

Speaker 1 Are you drinking a sparkling water on that? Or are you going to be a stillborn? Yeah, valid.

Speaker 1 Probably still. And it's a big bone of contention.
You're not allowed to buy a bottle of plastic water. Yeah, that's a good point.
So

Speaker 1 you can't get sparkling water when you're on Country File. Gosh, no.
You get whatever is in the local garage or someone gives you in their house. Have I had wild water on Country File? Yeah.

Speaker 1 Drunk out of a stream? 100%.

Speaker 1 Where's the best? The higher you are, the better it is. As in.
Like higher up a mountain.

Speaker 1 Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

Speaker 1 Big revelation about what goes on on the set of Country File. Wouldn't surprise anyone.

Speaker 2 Worse than Blue Peter. Wouldn't surprise anyone.

Speaker 1 I'm going to like to distance myself from these comments.

Speaker 1 I think even the people who watch Country File, if they learned that the Country File hosts are always baked out in the country, they'd be like, yeah, Pairna. It's natural, it comes from the earth.

Speaker 1 You'd be all right. So you've had some good stream water, some good natural spring water.
Yeah.

Speaker 1 So for your water course now, still are sparkling, but is the water from the stream the best water you've ever had and would you like that instead do you know the best water i've ever had um i had to i did this trip and you could i was obviously no shocks or anything i had everything that i needed for the whole month in my sledge so you had to melt the ice for your water it takes so long wow yeah so you have to obviously put your stove up melt the ice get water massive big block of ice gives you a tiny bit of water that's satisfying because you have to really graft for it is it is it the grafting that makes it taste good or is it the water itself is good no it's the grafting it's the grafting and the the fact there's nothing else to do.

Speaker 1 Yeah.

Speaker 1 So you're like, this is amazing. Would you like that for your dream meal? As the water? Yeah, water that someone has really put their effort into.
But does it have to be you, though, for the graft?

Speaker 1 Ideally, I'd like someone else to do it, just as a token.

Speaker 1 Ed? I'll do it. Yeah.
I'll melt down that water for you. Whereabouts was it this trip? South Pole.
South Pole. Great.
I'm off to the South Pole to get some ice. I'm going to melt it down for Helen.

Speaker 1 It wouldn't last two seconds. What are you doing? I usually think you'd be alright.
I'd be alright. Yeah, thank you, Helen.
No, yeah. I'd be great in the South Pole.
Pole. No.

Speaker 1 What are you talking about? I've gone walking around. Me and him had to walk from

Speaker 1 Kendall to Buxton once. He can't go to the South Pole, this guy.
I do enjoy that you said to me away from the Lake District. Oh, we're going to the Lake District.

Speaker 1 Then you named a Michelin-style restaurant. I was like, that's not.

Speaker 1 I mean...

Speaker 1 Well, it's in the Lake District. It is.
It is. Back in your box, Helen.
Yeah, valid. Valid.
It's just when you said, we're going to campaign. And it's three Michelin stars.
Know your area.

Speaker 1 I thought you were going to be like, oh, we're going camping at beans and stuff. Oh, fuck that.
No, no, no.

Speaker 1 We did go to the Kendall on Celebrity Hunted.

Speaker 1 So we roughed it for that, thank you. Yeah, we roughed it.
I respect that. Fair play.
Yeah, we only went to two Michelin style restaurants when we were on doing Hunted.

Speaker 1 We had to lay low. Yeah.

Speaker 1 You do one on Peek Two soon? Good. Yeah, went to a freestyle.

Speaker 1 I've seen this clip, you know. Yeah, you even just went for a good time, didn't you? Yeah, a lot of people not very happy with us, actually.

Speaker 1 A lot of people.

Speaker 1 Jamilia, for example, said we annoyed her on it. Yeah.
Bring us full circle to what we said before. On these shows, you've just got to do you.
Stay in your lane.

Speaker 1 Post and ghost doesn't matter what other people think. Yeah, they can keep their opinions to themselves.
Post and ghost, I love that. Pop-doms or bread.

Speaker 1 Pop-lums or bread, Hellen Skelton, pop-doms or bread. Pop-a-doms.

Speaker 1 Nice. Now, I'd say we, percentage-wise, we're on tour at the moment and we get the percentages from the audience on who wants pop-doms or bread.
Okay. It's pretty consistent everywhere.

Speaker 1 And it's like 85% bread, 15% pop-adums. So it's always a delight for a guest to say pop-a-doms because it's rarer than bread.

Speaker 1 But bread is risky because if it's nice, warm, baked little loaves, yes, but you're never sure of that, are you?

Speaker 1 Well, in the dream restaurant, you're sure because we can make sure to get you your absolute dream bread. But if poppadums are the way you want to go, we can go poppadums.
With a chutney? Yeah.

Speaker 1 Mango chutney? Yeah, definitely poppadums. None of the other dips, just the mango chutney? No, just a chutney.
Yes, the chutney. I don't know.
I don't waste my... Yeah, the other pots just get...

Speaker 1 put in the fridge for another day and I never eat them.

Speaker 1 How much chutney are you getting through? Oh, low, more chutney than poppadums to be fair. A jar? A jar of the mango chutney?

Speaker 1 If I have a takeaway, one of those are we gone, yeah. Are you breaking into shards and dipping or are you keeping the poppad on whole and biting it like a big crisp?

Speaker 1 No, like I would say like a half and a half. Half and a half.
Yeah, not shards, but a half. A half.
Yeah. And then dipping or spreading? Dipping.
Specific, I like this. Yeah.

Speaker 1 Or dipping, I think it's always the viscera could break, but

Speaker 1 you give it a little spread or a little, you know, then you know what you're dealing with. This isn't the, you don't get this level of excitement with bread and butter, do you?

Speaker 1 That's true. No one's thinking, am I dipping the bread in the butter? No.
I must break it. I mean,

Speaker 1 I would actually do that. I was thinking in your life.
As soon as you said, no one's thinking, am I dipping the bread in the butter? With a bit of salt you are. Yeah.
I mean, that is good.

Speaker 1 Let's not stray from poppadums. Yeah, that is a good idea.
Dip the bread in the butter. How many poppadoms do you want? Five.
You know, you're in the plate.

Speaker 1 Are you going to be mother? What, on share? Smash them. Oh, no, no.
No, no, no, no. Because they'll, again, the kids will smash the poppa dums.
That's a bit of entertainment.

Speaker 1 That's the messy house equivalent of a colouring book at the table. Yeah.
You play with your poppadums. I'm going to enjoy mine.
You play with your poppadums.

Speaker 1 You pick the little wins when you've got kids. You got kids? No.
You were saying it's a quieter life in the lake districts compared to London, you were telling us earlier.

Speaker 1 And that's the entertainment in the lake districts. Get the kids to smash the poppadums.

Speaker 1 Living the dream. Yeah.
It's like, give them a bucket of ice. So you go outside, kids, knock yourselves out for five hours.
Have a glass of water.

Speaker 1 No, quite the opposite because they're so noisy, kids. Yeah.
Like mine just literally, and people think it's a bad analogy, but I often refer to my children as feral. And people think that's bad.

Speaker 1 Yeah, it sounds perfect. That's wonderful.
They're like wild and free. It is great.
I mean, I've always lived in London, but we'd go and visit my cousins in Northumberland now and again.

Speaker 1 And you just go anywhere,

Speaker 1 run around, go feral. It's great.
You feel, yeah, totally free as a kid. I'd love to.
Shot my cousin in the ass with a BB gun. It was a great life.

Speaker 1 I just got back from Leeds and the food there is amazing. Oh the food is amazing.
Did you go in the market? No, I went to a few places. I had an amazing meal at a place called Ox Club.
Yeah.

Speaker 1 And I had, I went to a place called the Dough Hut and which is a doughnut place, but they do a savoury doughnut, which is a bagel doughnut called a daigle. Oh.

Speaker 1 And that is one of the best things I've ever eaten. Have you had a Yorkshire wrap? Yes.
That is also an excellent thing. I like that a lot.
Ed doesn't. Ed doesn't like Yorkshire puddings.

Speaker 1 I don't like Yorkshire puddings. But

Speaker 1 a meal in a wrap. Like it's a product.
I think I'm more on board with that because it's totally self-enclosed and it's sort of flatter, isn't it, than a traditional Yorkshire pudding.

Speaker 1 It's just the flavour of a Yorkshire pudding, but without taking up too much real estate on the plate.

Speaker 1 And you can grab it and go. You can grab it and go.
So when the kids aren't entertained by pop-up doms and you need to be on the move, that works.

Speaker 1 But the market in Leeds is so good for food because it's that old school. Yeah, I have been in the past, actually.
Now you've just said that about that wrap. That's where I've had it.

Speaker 1 It's where Marks and Spencer started. Is it? What? Yes.
C?

Speaker 1 What? I don't know why I said C.

Speaker 1 C? You don't believe it?

Speaker 1 You've proved your point. My grandparents lived in Rothwell.
Oh, yeah.

Speaker 1 So my grandma would always go to Leeds Market and bring back, I'd say, sack fulls of broken biscuits. 100%?

Speaker 1 Yeah. Absolutely love it.
Why are broken biscuits should be more expensive, aren't they? Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Speaker 1 My first job was just down the road from McVitie's factory, and I used to do breakfast, so I used to have to go to work every morning at 4.30 but it was so good because I had to go past the factory and on the way back they sell off the boxes of broken kids.

Speaker 1 Yes. Oh, I wish the Wheatbeaks factory did that when I was growing up.
There's less of a good smell from a Wheatbix factory though. Disgusting thing.

Speaker 1 If you enjoy a factory I did a whole series, you know, on factories. Did you? McVitie's, Walker's, Heinz.
Food factories. Guinness.
Yeah. There was another one.

Speaker 1 Wasn't my best work. What was your favourite?

Speaker 1 What was your favourite factory?

Speaker 1 Well, I was pregnant with my third. My least favourite, because I was pregnant with my third child, was Heinz.
What are you about to say? I was pregnant with my least favourite child.

Speaker 1 No, my least favourite. He smells child.
Did you say which one?

Speaker 1 No, I filmed this series in food factory super brands. Oh, Warburtons.
That's a great factory smell. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Speaker 1 But Heinz beans, when you're heavily pregnant, you do not want to put your head in a big, massive vat of blanched beans. Oh, God.

Speaker 1 It's not great. But is that, is is that, would you say for all pregnancies or is that specific to yours? Do you think that beans made made you feel ill?

Speaker 1 Because some people might have a craving for it, right? It might be the best thing possible. Well that combined with I spoke to the wonderful people who do the testing.

Speaker 1 They have people who do the quality control and they just all day taste cold bowls of spaghetti hoops, alpha betty spaghetti, cold soup, all of that.

Speaker 1 And that's their job is to just constantly taste stuff. A couple of hours of that, coupled with the blanched beans, it wasn't a great day for me.

Speaker 1 I don't look, I didn't meet these people and I've not seen the show. I don't want to cast cast aspersions but I bet those people look awful.
Yes. No, they no quite the opposite.

Speaker 1 And they've all worked there for like 40 years. They look like ghosts, Helen, let's be honest.
Yeah, surely. I mean as I say it was a dark time of my life.

Speaker 1 I was just trying not to leave you ill. I think those people would look like

Speaker 1 you know have you seen The Descent? No, but actually you're wrong. Very happy.
No, no, no. Can't have it.
They were so they were so happy about their cold bean tasting. Yeah.
They think they're happy.

Speaker 1 But they look like they're in the descent.

Speaker 1 They're just not seemingly.

Speaker 1 I've got a lot of years and I'm not eating them properly. No, they gave me a personalised bottle of ketchup.
I can't say anything negative.

Speaker 1 That's pretty cool. That's pretty cool.
We live quite near a bread factory, me and my wife.

Speaker 1 And during Covid, when we go on our little cycle every day, we'd really treat ourselves if we went the bread way. Cycle past the factory and cycle through the smell.

Speaker 1 That was our one bit of hope and excitement during COVID. Guinness, that was another good smell.
Yeah. You can do that in South London.
Cycle past hops places. Yeah.
Yeah.

Speaker 1 God, we're old now, aren't we?

Speaker 1 We're not even talking about going drinking. Molly and Fleur, I'm talking about this.

Speaker 1 TikToks about the best smelling factories. Yeah.
But those TikToks are really good. They're still worth a watch.
Oh, that's quite good. I love Molly and Fleur.
Love that Fleur's doing It Takes 2 now.

Speaker 1 Oh, of course you're an avid, but she's good at it takes too, though, to be fair, isn't she? Brilliant. One of her TikToks, I'm in the background just eating a kit cat.
I was like, it's really tragic.

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Speaker 1 Let's go on to your dream meal proper. Your dream starter.
Prawn cocktail old school. So old school?

Speaker 1 What's changed over the years?

Speaker 1 Well, now it's like fancy prawns in shells.

Speaker 1 I like the small frozen prawns that have been defrosted in a sieve under hot water. I mean, that's so risky, isn't it? But that's what your mum did.
Yeah. Yeah.
Old school.

Speaker 1 With loads of mayonnaise and tomato sauce mixed up on top. Yeah.
And a bit of soggy lettuce underneath.

Speaker 1 Yeah, so you've made that sound pretty gross yeah a lot of the words you're using are gross words yeah but perfect right you nodded i nodded

Speaker 1 yeah i was i was showing you that i understood we've had prawn cocktail is a very popular starter on this podcast okay as it has every right to be as it has every right to be but often when people have said like how they used to be Actually, what we get is like they go massive prawns hanging off the side of like a

Speaker 1 glass. It's like, you know, for an ice cream Sunday glass.

Speaker 1 that and they that's what they want so i i was expecting that oh no i mean like the teeny tiny bag of frozen prawns that's what i used to think prawns were yeah i had no idea i had no idea that prawns could be so big yeah yeah but and i get we lived in france for a while so i get the whole like it's proper classy to like de-head it and de-shell it and all but it is a faff isn't it oh it's a total faff yeah yeah and then but it's basically the prawns the prawns are the same you'd get in like a prawn mayo sandwich right the little tiddlers james martin taught me how to cook a fish before i moved to france because he's like look if you're gonna you're gonna have to cook for people come round

Speaker 1 never made that dish once it was so complicated you know when you the whole time i was like this is yeah got it yeah the key bit of the recipe is having james martin 100 yeah and he's since has gone have you done that yeah

Speaker 1 i just couldn't do it's too complicated also when someone who's like proper professional chef is showing you i just think it's always going to be too complicated isn't it like you want just like a mate who's like oh i can do this yeah i'll show you how to do it yeah okay fine and also in that kind of professional environment, you feel the need to be like, yeah, yeah, I've got that utensil.

Speaker 1 No, I haven't. I don't know any of any of that stuff.
Yeah, yeah, yeah. But whatever.
James Mine's got a load of like tricksy little bits of. Oh, and he's got a knack.
He does it with flair, you know?

Speaker 1 Yeah, yeah. Mum's favourite.
Are you saying your mum's favourite or he's the mum's favourite? Both? Because he is, generally speaking, he's mum's favourite, isn't he? And my mum's favourite.

Speaker 1 And he's your mum's favourite. Yeah, yeah.
Does he ride a motorbike? Yeah. Yeah.

Speaker 1 So he does. You'll be happy.
Oh, I told this to James Mine. I've been on some

Speaker 1 the other day.

Speaker 1 He does ride motorbikes, I think. When I was a little kid, and this is a few years after my mum and dad had split up, I decided that my mum should get a boyfriend, but he had to ride a motorbike.

Speaker 1 And she was like, just chat up, basically. I was like, no, no, no, that's so cute.
He's got to ride a motorbike.

Speaker 1 And she remembers, she remembers one day this delivery man came to the door and he had his motorbike.

Speaker 1 And then she turned around and I was stood next to the stairs going,

Speaker 1 like winking. Mervin.
Yeah,

Speaker 1 I'm like,

Speaker 1 mum, mum.

Speaker 1 Point at the guy. Wong, wong, wong.

Speaker 1 That's like so cute and mildly worrying at the same time, isn't it?

Speaker 1 I used to try and get my mum to get off with the delivery guy. Yeah, I didn't think getting off was in my...
I wasn't saying go get off with that motorbike guy. Ask him on a date.

Speaker 1 Yeah, ask him on a date. Yeah.
Be with him forever. Yeah.

Speaker 1 James Martin, mum's mine. James Martin, mum's favourite, yeah.
That's exciting.

Speaker 2 Yeah, I think he does have motorbikes, doesn't he?

Speaker 1 He's a car guy as well. Yeah, he's cars and motorhomes.

Speaker 1 Yeah, he's vehicle minded yes a lot of my knowledge of james martin comes from the new alan partridge book and i'm not sure a lot of that's real is it your new book sorry yeah yeah the new alan partridge book there's a bit where alan goes to meet james martin great i'm not sure james martin will be happy with it but i used to work in local radio i often feel like alan partridge had an insight into my soul

Speaker 1 you must have been on i mean i imagine There's not a single mode of transport you haven't been on, Alan Martin.

Speaker 1 I'm so happy that you rephrased that question because you could have asked it in such a different way.

Speaker 1 I was going to say you must have been on a motorbike, but it's because I know that like you do a lot of the things you've done for TV, you've been like, Helen will try anything.

Speaker 1 Well, when I started Blue Peter, I think that Joel was the funny one. I was the sort of cool, cultured one.
And what was left? She'll be the one that's like not afraid of stuff.

Speaker 1 So I used to get chucked. The three roles.
Yeah, yeah.

Speaker 1 So they just used to chuck me up helicopters. And yeah, you're right.
I mean, that motorbikes, I mean, when I started on repeat, it was different.

Speaker 1 Like every shoe had a helicopter, a motorbike, a boat, whatever. I mean, it was just a really great time to be able to.
What do they do now then? Well, there's a lot more kids' shows now, isn't there?

Speaker 1 So there's a lot more, you know, like Steve Baxhall does a lot of the sort of stuff we used to do or now

Speaker 1 jumping for it. No, Steve Baxhall.
Steve Backley. Sorry.
But valid.

Speaker 1 Steve Baxhall is like a animal. Animal guy.
He's an animal guy. He's actually in the second partridge book

Speaker 1 yeah yeah he's cool he's done strictly you'll know him from that okay yeah yeah yeah so it's like there's a lot more kids shows that so it's different but yeah back in the day i mean i'm trying to think helicopter yes boats motorbike autocraft yes this is great

Speaker 2 think about thinking about what other modes of transport are there hang glider yes

Speaker 1 i'm annoying myself unicycle

Speaker 1 no valid don't think so no it's not really a mode of transport

Speaker 1 i know what you mean though

Speaker 1 but you know like like Ripley's World of Weird Inventions used to, like, regularly bring stuff to the studio. So it was normal that, oh, what are you doing on Tuesday?

Speaker 1 Oh, riding the world's smallest car. Or, you know, taking the dogs on the back of a three-wheeler lorry.
It was, yeah, it was a weird. Does the novelty ever wear off with that sort of thing?

Speaker 1 Or you're like a three-wheeler lorry with dogs on it just going like, oh, for fuck's sake. That's why I left when I did, because I didn't want to be the person for who it wore off.

Speaker 1 And I went to Antarctica and that was like my last big challenge. So I'd done mad stuff and like you name it.
My first day at work on repeater, I went to Alaska for six weeks. Wow.

Speaker 1 And you like dropped it, chase bears, get dropped into, you know, moolands. Then you go off to, I don't know, as I say, you name it.
We went to Turkey, swim from Asia to Europe, all of that.

Speaker 1 And then I came back to the office and I went, today you're going to the World Warming Championships and you're dressing as a chicken. And that was the moment at which I thought I need to go

Speaker 1 soon because it's fun dressing as a chicken once. Yeah.
But you know, and you're like, yeah, what if this becomes a regular thing? Yeah. Yeah.
The worming championship. Yeah.

Speaker 1 And ironically, I literally was like, I don't do like dressing up and singing and dancing on telly. And then

Speaker 1 ironically, given the whole strictly thing. What's a worming championship? You stamp on the ground trying to get worms to come out and if it gets the most worms out wins.

Speaker 1 That makes more sense than what I was thinking.

Speaker 1 Yeah. Oh, no, it's not like you have to dress like a chicken, winner.
It's not like a thing for pets. Yeah.
Yeah. That's how you know which one they're sending you to.
Yeah.

Speaker 1 What they say you're dressed up. up.

Speaker 1 I also don't know why I just tried to action that out so it made more sense because that was probably worse. It's probably good for the pod.
Yeah, we've got a video that's not.

Speaker 1 No, they're not good for you and your life.

Speaker 1 A dream main course.

Speaker 1 Roast chicken dinner. Oh, it's as good as you used to dress.

Speaker 1 Takes me back to that good old day. The world wherever you have.

Speaker 1 Proper chicken, loads of stuffing, like in a big bowl, stuffing bowl, good. In the chicken? No, separate.
Separate. Yeah.
You don't want it in the chicken? No.

Speaker 1 You sound like a chicken there.

Speaker 1 Sorry, I'm secretly a chicken and I'm offended. That was.

Speaker 1 You don't want to eat the chicken from inside the chicken. You wouldn't want to be stuffed if you were a chicken.
Roast parsnips, definitely. Loads of gravy, definitely.

Speaker 1 And I wouldn't go Yorkshire pudding on a roast chicken dinner. Wow.
Yes. Not a Yorkshire pudding fan either.
It's a double fucking win. So you're not a Yorkshire pudding fan?

Speaker 1 No, I get the practicality of a wrap, but I wouldn't put it on my dinner. Absolute result.
This is the first time there's someone here who backs me up on it. But also someone...

Speaker 1 Are you from Yorkshire? No, Cumbria. Oh, well, then fair enough.
It's not that much of a win for you.

Speaker 1 I thought you got someone from Yorkshire. Well, I had a child born in Yorkshire and I lived there for a long time.
So it kind of sort of adopted. They claimed me.
No, no, no, no. It's not the same as

Speaker 1 you can't claim this as someone from Yorkshire is agreeing with you about Yorkshire puddings.

Speaker 1 I just think anyone agreeing with me about Yorkshire puddings is a win because people are evangelical about Yorkshire puddings in this country. Yes, I've got a lot of people.

Speaker 1 Some people put them on Christmas dinners. Yeah, I don't know what they're playing at.
That's quite nice. No.
Think of everything else on a Christmas dinner. There's so much lovely food to eat.

Speaker 1 And then you're putting, essentially, a lump of polystyrene on the plate. You're putting packing materials.
No,

Speaker 1 if you do a blind-folded taste test and I gave you a Yorkshire pudding and a lump of polystyrene, I think they'd tell the difference. Well,

Speaker 1 if you had to put me headphones in and then... What? Because I'd hear the squeak of the polystyrene, wouldn't I? Yeah, I'll put some headphones on for you.
I wouldn't tell the difference.

Speaker 1 Would you feel calm? I wouldn't tell the difference. I'll get you to eat them.
You'll be able to tell the difference. Polystyrene, Halloumi, yes or no?

Speaker 1 What are they the same? Just to eat it. Do you like it? Yeah, I love Halloumi.
Okay. I like it, but if I could get rid of the squeak, I would in a heartbeat.
I hate the squeak.

Speaker 1 Because I had a television disagreement with Paul Hollywood about Halloumi. Was this on Bakoff? I argued for Halloumi, he argued against Halloumi.
Really?

Speaker 1 And I didn't realise in that environment, you're supposed to just nod and listen, aren't you? Because they're the judges and they're there to critique you. But I thought it was like a chat.

Speaker 1 What were you doing with the Halloumi, though? Putting it on a pizza. Right, yeah.
I can see why he disagreed with that. He wasn't a fan.

Speaker 1 Was he a fan of Halloumi in general?

Speaker 1 No, because apparently he lived... He lived in Cyprus? Yes.
Too much Hallumi. Too much Halloumi.
He didn't know what he's on about. Well, that's basically what I said, which didn't go down to well.

Speaker 1 Well, yeah, yeah. Well, good on you.
Good on you for sticking up to him. He doesn't know what he's talking about.
He's stealing a living.

Speaker 1 Paul Hollywood. But you clearly haven't met him in the flesh, because when he's there,

Speaker 1 the eyes, yeah, yeah, I've seen his goddamn eyes. Yeah, yeah, he looks like one of the white walkers from Game of Thrones.

Speaker 1 Oh, he's like, well, I was, I said, Siberian Husky, yeah, that's a nicer way of putting it, but also, he knows I've never looked into someone's eyes before and seen that I have looked into people's eyes before.

Speaker 1 It's not comfortable for me, I don't like doing it, obviously. No, you can't hold a stare.
But, like, come on. No, I can't hold a stare.
I don't like it. Stop looking at me, Ellen.

Speaker 1 But when I have, when you look in Paul Hollywood's eyes, you can see that he knows he has nice eyes. Yeah.

Speaker 1 And that's, I have not had that with someone before, where you look at them and they look at you and you can tell all they're thinking is, my eyes are nice, aren't they?

Speaker 1 No, I know what you mean because they're like so blue. You can relax and feel comfortable staring into my eyes because I'm technically cross-eyed.
So these are not great eyes. Oh, okay.

Speaker 1 Well, I feel a bit better about that. What does technically cross-eyed mean? So if I took my lenses out, my eyes would meet in the middle.

Speaker 1 Really dragging.

Speaker 1 Your lens is like made of magnets that

Speaker 1 repel each other. I don't know.

Speaker 1 How does that work? I've got no idea. It's amazing.
Well, that's going to be a great big finish for the end of the podcast. You take your lenses out and look right down the camera.

Speaker 1 That's where it is for future reference before you take the lenses out.

Speaker 1 Sorry, is this off track? No, that's great.

Speaker 1 Also...

Speaker 1 Yeah, I'm going to bring up strictly again, but like in that dart you did from Cabaret, you looked straight down the camera and and you uh mimed along to the song saying you're better without me or something like that and now i'm imagining if you had done that and taken your lenses out on the same

Speaker 1 it would have been a brilliant bit in this song

Speaker 1 that was all the way through the show they keep going just stare at the lens stare at the lens and i've spent my life around cameras and live tv and none of that faces me but honestly when you're dancing it is a bit like don't look at me like you know like when you were kid and you think if i'm playing hide and see if i can't see you you can't see me but then i think that was the difference on cabaret they were like just do it i was like okay it was great it was a great bit Made me emotional when you did that.

Speaker 1 Your mind belonged to that. I was like, she's done it.

Speaker 1 I know we're taking the mick out of him, but that's really nice of you to say thanks. Yeah, yeah, thank you.

Speaker 1 I mean, he means it. He absolutely loves the show.
Yeah. Very

Speaker 1 powerful moment in the show. Have you been to the show?

Speaker 1 Get this, get this, Helen. I was invited this week, the last Saturday, just gone, and I couldn't go.
I was invited very last minute to go and do the terms and conditions. And I was so

Speaker 1 literally the week before when my girlfriend and and I were watching it, she was like, Why haven't you done the terms and conditions yet? And I was like, They never offered me.

Speaker 1 And then, like, a couple days later, I get the email, but we couldn't do it. Absolutely gutted.
And I said to them, I've not been offered it, Helen. You know,

Speaker 1 I would not appreciate it. We wouldn't fucking appreciate you, but you wasted on you.
Yeah, yeah. But, like, I said to them, please bear me in mind for a future.

Speaker 1 Like, anytime there's a gap, I'd love to do it. But they're going to ask you to do the show now.

Speaker 1 Yeah, then they said, Will you do the Christmas special, which I know is the first thing you did Christmas special in like 2012. Yeah, no.
Or something like that.

Speaker 1 and then you came back and did uh I did the

Speaker 1 but I couldn't do it I'd be too stressed no you didn't know you weren't doing it ever Helen you agree really good here's how I replied to it and I'm sure my agent would have reworded it but I said I'd rather be dead

Speaker 1 no because no after the Christmas special I said don't ever let me do the show absolutely not but I I honestly I cannot tell you enough it's the best thing I've ever done in my life every bit of it Helen for context you said to James that that he's not met Paul Hollywood in the flesh,

Speaker 1 so you don't know about the time James went on Celebrity Bake-Off, which is widely regarded as the worst performance on Celebrity Bake-Off of all time.

Speaker 1 The clip of his flapjacks has gone viral multiple times. He's a meme.
I'm a meme because of how badly it went. And that would happen on Strictly as well.

Speaker 1 He'd be the first contestant to shit their pants live on air.

Speaker 2 Yeah, like while looking down the camera.

Speaker 1 Yeah. And shouting without me.
Like,

Speaker 1 I

Speaker 1 two days is Bake Off. Yeah.
And it's not as hardcore as what you have to do on Stritly. And I absolutely fell apart.
I could not do a week on Stritly.

Speaker 1 When I got kicked off Bake Off, they thanked me for bringing the comedy element.

Speaker 1 Well, Joe what? I wish they'd said that to me. Yeah.
I'm a comedian. But what you did was tragic.
Yeah, they went, goodbye. Yeah.
That's what they said to me when I learned.

Speaker 1 Who did it when you were on? Rylan. God bless him.
Russell Tovey. Michelle Keegan.

Speaker 1 She won. She's won.
She's been on this podcast. She gloated.
She wiped it in my face. But, yeah,

Speaker 1 it is a hard one.

Speaker 1 I didn't take it as seriously as I thought you meant. I thought when you got there, they told you what to cook like they do on Blue Peter.
You didn't practice. I didn't know.
Oh, my God.

Speaker 1 I didn't practice. Yeah, I know that.
I dropped all my cakes and didn't realise there was hidden cameras. There's all cameras everywhere, isn't there? Tell them they're hidden, though, Helen.

Speaker 1 No, but I mean, there's a lot of cameras. There's men holding them.
No, there's a lot of cameras you don't realise. Yeah, yeah.

Speaker 1 And I dropped them and I picked them up and put them on the table and just like dusted them off. And they were like, Did you drop them? And I was like, no, no, it's fine.
I didn't think anyone's seen.

Speaker 1 Lied. So they, yeah, so they made a thing of it and they were like, Helen, did you drop them? And I was like, oh God, I'm committed.

Speaker 1 I said, no, so do I have to stick to my no, even though knowing I had.

Speaker 1 And then they were like, you've just dropped them and dusted them off and offered them to Mary Berry. And I was like, I wouldn't have stuck to this lie if I'd known.
True killer national treasure.

Speaker 1 Yeah. But I won't circle away from you doing strictly.
You'd really like it. You'd really like it.

Speaker 1 Your dream, Silish.

Speaker 1 Dream side dish. Help us.

Speaker 1 A corn on the cob. Wow, we haven't had corn on the cob on the dish.
We've never had corn on the cob. Maybe never.
As a side dish, I don't think. Exciting.

Speaker 1 Because people feel nervous, but someone said to me she'd never have a corn on the cob on a date. And I was like,

Speaker 1 yeah.

Speaker 1 Why? I get it. It's getting your teeth.
Don't care. It's getting your teeth.
It's not a dignified eating process, I guess. It's like the cheese.
Yeah, it's like the cheese.

Speaker 1 Never have a mozzarella panini or a corn on the cob on a first date.

Speaker 1 I think.

Speaker 1 Oh, yeah. Yeah, the corn on the cob, I guess it's like there's sort of no way of eating a corn on the cob that can make you look sort of mysterious.
That's where I'm going wrong.

Speaker 1 Yeah, you can't really look mysterious. Because you basically, you have to eat it like a beaver.
Yes.

Speaker 1 Yes. Unless you're very active.
Imagine if you held it and you looked at them, eye contact. Yeah.
But what you're doing is

Speaker 1 you're picking out individual corn kernels and you're spelling out a message in and so that when you turn it to meet the next bit yeah it says like what's the message kiss question mark

Speaker 1 but how would you know you're doing it the right you'd have to really practice yeah you have to do it the right way the right way around because yeah yeah backwards kiss on there yeah you don't want to be like an altar

Speaker 1 i thought you were going to say you like out in my head i was imagine you ripping out individual kernels yeah do you have also noticed he can hold my stare now he knows i've got bad eyes yes he's not yeah yeah it's fine now It's fine now.

Speaker 1 I know that. Bet you couldn't be Michelle Keegan, could you? No, I can't look him in the eye.
She's a cheater, for one.

Speaker 1 You'll never look a cheat in the eye. How do you want this corn on the cob prepared? What's your

Speaker 1 bit of butter? But how do you want it cooked? Because I do it on the barbecue, Helen. I don't mind telling you.
Oh. There's everything on the barbecue.
Yeah, I do, actually. I don't mind that.

Speaker 1 I like an outside dining experience. Yeah, yeah.
Yeah.

Speaker 1 Yeah, country farm.

Speaker 2 Yeah.

Speaker 1 I've got so much, honestly, in my cellar. I've got so many like outside cooking things.
Everything that you can cook on outside, I've got. It's quite sad.
But inside. You've got them inside.
Yeah.

Speaker 1 Yeah.

Speaker 1 Yeah. You've never used any of them.
They've been given to you as a gift?

Speaker 1 No, no, I am that person. And again, you know, we were saying about dads want their daughters to be the kind of person we're in country farm.

Speaker 1 I think this is why I'm that person that would go to an outdoor shop and buy all the outdoor cooking equipment and not use it. I've probably, I've used the stove.
Oh, yeah. That's all right.

Speaker 1 But I haven't used the griddle. I haven't used the little box.

Speaker 1 I haven't used any of the 17 other things I've got but i appreciate corn on the cob but what would you normally when you have corn on the cob do you how do you cook it because boil it or grill it also on the barbecue yeah i've got a little barbecue you can turn on with your phone what see i'll turn it

Speaker 1 he wants it immediately he wants it i want it because i could be on my way home and turn the barbecue on so it's ready when i get back that's the point you can turn it on from in like wherever you are Hang on, is it a gas barbecue?

Speaker 1 Yeah. Yeah, I'm not messing with that.
Oh, okay. You don't turn up and the whole house is burned down.
But you leave it it outside.

Speaker 1 It's outside, it's a barbecue. So I'd worry.
Really good. I'd worry that turn it on on my phone and then it like makes the whole thing like judder towards the house or something.

Speaker 1 You know? It's not a robot. Yeah, it's not a rumba.
It's a robot. You turn it on on your phone.
Oh, valid, valid. It's a robot.
I could go crazy.

Speaker 1 So you think it's jiggling, it's jiggling all the way to the house? Juddering towards the house. It's opening the door.
No, it's smashing through your window. Yeah.

Speaker 1 And then

Speaker 1 what's the issue?

Speaker 1 And then it sets your whole house on fire. fire, right? Because it's a turned-on barbecue, yeah.
Also, you've got a cat, so you might turn it on, and then the cat's like, oh, what's going on here?

Speaker 1 And then like jumps on the barbecue, but the cat can't go outside. What kind of cat is that? Yeah, what kind of Siberian cat that stays inside the house cat? Where does it poo? Yeah, where's it poo?

Speaker 1 In a litter box, it's scars. That blew your mind, didn't it? You never heard of a house cat before, but it never ever goes outside.
No, gross. You've got four cats that never go outside.

Speaker 1 So imagine what his house is like.

Speaker 1 You never, they never go outside ever. No.

Speaker 1 Also, we live in London. People nit cats.
Yeah, especially handsome cats like ours. Yeah.
Stunners. We've got real stunners.
We've got real stunners, Helen.

Speaker 1 I mean, I'm so happy that the gender stereotypes are just being shot here, aren't they? Yeah.

Speaker 1 Cat guys. Yeah, we're cat boys.
We're cat boys. I'm proud.
Okay. I've got four.
They all stay in the house. My whole life stinks of shit.

Speaker 1 I just, that's unusual, isn't it? Yeah. No, we're getting a, I think the guy doing the catio has come in this week.
I can't wait. You've enjoyed that my dog's called Spider-Man.
What?

Speaker 1 I knew you'd enjoy that. No.
Wait till you hear this. This cat is called Spider-Man.

Speaker 1 We were destined to be friends.

Speaker 1 This is amazing. This is that's that's and check this out as well.
The cat that's called Spider-Man, he's got eyes like yours. What? He's got cross-eyed.
They go a bit cross-eyed.

Speaker 1 And do you love that about him? Yeah. Well, we got him.
It's only when you take his lenses. oh well take his lenses

Speaker 1 that on its own is a really nice compliment yeah yeah slightly creepy with the context yeah yeah yeah yeah oh guess what my cat has got eyes like poor hollywood yeah

Speaker 1 he does actually and he looks at you like he knows it as well yeah yeah yeah he definitely knows it so you can't look him in the eye no i can't look

Speaker 1 in the eye yeah no way

Speaker 1 my kid wants a cat for christmas you've got to do it Yeah. I mean, but I'm not sure Spider-Man will be all right about it.
Spider-Man's quite aggressive. Got kicked out of the police.

Speaker 1 That's how we got him. He got kicked out of the police.
Right. Obviously, a bunch of him in an office, getting his papers.
Yeah, obviously. Yeah, handing your badge.

Speaker 1 Sorry. Yeah.
Your badge and your bone. Get up.
Tell him.

Speaker 1 I'm going to ask you a question. Your dog got kicked out of the police.
Is your dog racist?

Speaker 1 I was thinking that

Speaker 1 I'd just been like,

Speaker 1 trying to get around this. No, he's delicious.
He likes everyone.

Speaker 1 He's definitely a bit anti-man. Anti-man.
Yeah. Right.
So he's a great guard dog. Yeah, yeah, yeah.
He's like, on my first,

Speaker 1 strictly referenced for you. My first strictly VT where they go, meet your partner.
Yeah. Obviously, I've got three kids.
I work. I've got a dog.
No one has time for the chit-chat small talk.

Speaker 1 I live up north. I work in this industry.
I know I'm getting gawker. And I'm really excited about it because he's northern.
I'm already friends with Gemma.

Speaker 1 Yeah, well, they live up in Manchester.

Speaker 1 So I'm like, this is brilliant. I'm super excited.
But they do this whole thing, don't they? Where they have to build up the anxiety, like run and jump at each other.

Speaker 1 You don't know, B, but I'm sure you're guessing. I'm not a runny, jumpy, on a stranger kind of person.

Speaker 1 So we're in the park. I've got the kids and the dog and they're filming.
And in order to answer the question,

Speaker 1 how excited are you about meeting your partner? I kept having to throw the ball. So I'd be like, ask the question, right, throw the ball.
The kids and the dog would go for the ball and I'd be like,

Speaker 1 you've got until they get back to answer the question. I love that the kids support this as well.
You can't just say to your kids, can you stand over there? I'm just doing some work.

Speaker 1 Frisbee fling a pop-a-dom across the park. Right.
Or all of them go check it out.

Speaker 1 Yeah.

Speaker 1 And then, so, bless God, he stood in the wings. And again, he has to.
We both have to do this whole like, yay, this is amazing.

Speaker 1 But it's just weird. Like, we're in the park.
It's meant to be a secret. It's a glitter ball.
He's really busy. There's a crew there.
There's no end to this story.

Speaker 1 I just thought he'd enjoy the story because he likes to do it. I love it.
I thought, I love him about Gorka. I thought Spider-Man was about to attack Gorka.
Gorka's most attractive man on Strictly.

Speaker 1 But what's nice is he doesn't know it. You agree?

Speaker 1 Benito just held his hand up and said this five minutes, but it looked like you were agreeing that he was the most attractive man.

Speaker 1 That was a vote. A vote for Benito.
A lot of people do agree, but what's nice is he, I wouldn't say he's not one of those people who's like, I know how attractive I am. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

Speaker 1 Who would be who if we made you do it, you have to do it for the sake of Spider-Man, your cat, right? Gorka.

Speaker 1 Yeah, but that would be a great painting. That would be great.
Yeah, because you'd have fun. It's never going to happen.

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Speaker 1 Your drink drink. I do like a gin and tonic, but that is boring.
So if it was a special occasion, I am going to say a Kier Royale. Ah, lovely.
Is this the first shout out for Kier Royale?

Speaker 1 I know we discussed it with Rob Bryden, but I don't know if it actually, if he chose it, I don't think he did. Yes.
Remind us, Helen, of what Kier Royale actually is.

Speaker 1 Champagne and Cassisse with the little liqueur, the little liqueur in the bottom. I just like the way it looks.
Yeah, yeah. And tastes? Oh, yeah.
It's a very fancy looking drink, though. Yeah, yeah.

Speaker 1 It feels like you're not having one of those at home on the reg, are you? How are

Speaker 1 you? If you are, how often are you having one? No, not often, but like, I feel like you feel like it's an occasion.

Speaker 1 You know, it's a Christmas drink. It's a girls around drink, isn't it? And I feel like gin and tonic is something everyone would say.

Speaker 1 Who are the girls around? Oh, of my friends. James, I want to know all of the girls who come around their names, please.
Yeah,

Speaker 1 that's not in a creepy way. Well, that's it.
Look, I always ask people this. Yes, it is true.
But whenever people say, I want it with a group of friends, I'm always like, who are your friends?

Speaker 1 What are their names? I'm never like, what girls are around or what are their names?

Speaker 1 shelly wonderful most organized person can tell you what she's doing every day for the next six months she's the one person of my friends who like schedules in getting too drunk and boy does she go for it when she goes for it

Speaker 1 okay yeah shelly yeah great like wild couldn't share some of the you're like yeah yeah the line she's leaping over the line you know the line is a dot to her yeah

Speaker 1 um kim works in music super organized just stupidly good fun like she will we'll go to kim's for drinks she's organized she's hired the local busker to come and sing at her house for us.

Speaker 1 She's got like marquees. She's got caterers.
She is putting on a spread. She's a good time girl.
And also, just like fun, sporadic. It's Thursday.
Should we have a do? Let's have a do.

Speaker 1 She's bringing the K Royale.

Speaker 1 Jill,

Speaker 1 super smart. Do you want all the friends that would come? Yeah, I was laughing at Jill because it reminds me of why hello, Jill.
And that's all I'm like.

Speaker 1 Jill just rolls with the chaos. Like, rocked up at my house on Saturday with five pizzas for my kids with her three kids.
There were already seven kids there.

Speaker 1 and she was like which ones are yours by that point i'm not gonna lie i'd lost track yeah yeah so they were all there and uh so yeah she'll just come in roll with the chaos so much fun olga exact same thing she has to drive past my house for work so quite often on a friday she calls back in with a bottle of prosecco she is the kind of girl who her boyfriend gets like a outdoor swimming pool and then they drive a tractor don't know i'm talking fast

Speaker 1 and then they get a tractor and you they i mean the health and safety would not be into this So that's why I will make sure it's exclusively Olga not me. Yeah, yeah

Speaker 1 like a bucket on a tractor So the kids jump out of the bucket and use it as a diving board

Speaker 1 Tractor's not moving. Yeah, it doesn't sound like a diving board, but yes, it's a bucket.
Yeah, it's a bucket in it. Yeah.
It's a high-sided diving board.

Speaker 1 So those girls, my sister-in-law, she's also fun. Yeah.
Our other friend, Rebecca, she just gets so stressed out by the chaos of my life. We used to live, used to house share.
Yeah. You'll enjoy this.

Speaker 1 We used to house share in London. We were like born three beds apart, like one of my best friends, like family.
We lived in a flat.

Speaker 1 It took me a while to work out that you're talking about in a hospital. Because I just imagined a house with like eight beds in one room.
It's Cumbria. Yeah.

Speaker 2 Charlie in the chocolate factory.

Speaker 1 We lived in a house in London for three years. When we left, we said, let's have a leaving do.
And I was like, okay, great. I'll make a chili.

Speaker 1 And then went to open the oven and we realised that there's still plastic on the inside the oven. We'd lived there three years and never used it.
Oh my God.

Speaker 1 Firstly, I like how quickly someone says, should we have a leaving do? And you go, yeah, I'll make a chili. I'll make a chili.
It's got to be a chilly oven. This is brand new.

Speaker 1 Still a running joke. I mean, that was probably 12 years ago.
I've never made a chili. Oh, yeah.

Speaker 1 You've got to do it at some point, but I guess the longer you leave it, the funnier it is.

Speaker 1 Yeah, we tell her, like, let's have a get-together. Helen's going to make a chili.
Yeah.

Speaker 1 She won't, though. So for this part of the meal, for the drink, do you want all those people that

Speaker 1 like them all to turn up? And do you want the tractor with the bucket and stuff and everyone diving out of that? 100%. Slip and slide we had last time as well.
Oh, I love that.

Speaker 1 I mean, that's popper, like people breaking bones on that, right? Yeah, especially like where we live, because big gardens, big hills. Yeah.

Speaker 1 So what you do is a tarpaulin out and then just covering it and washing up liquid. Yeah, very liquid hose pipe.
I'll tell you what works well. They're like crash mats from IKEA.

Speaker 1 You can get a right run on those.

Speaker 1 They sell crash mats in Ikea.

Speaker 1 What? Yeah, maybe not. No.

Speaker 1 Like kids' play areas and stuff. Oh, right.
Okay. It's not like crash mats for like stunt work or something they're doing in IKEA.
I I think so. I mean, you can use it how you want, but yeah.

Speaker 1 Do you want to slip and slide?

Speaker 1 We can do the Kier Royale instead of the washing up liquid. So yeah.
Keir Royale Fountain, yeah, slip and slide all the way down. Ikea Royale.
Ikea Royale. Oh, very good.

Speaker 1 Always come back to me. Oh, you can look at me in the eye.
Yeah, look at you in the eye now.

Speaker 1 Never had a guest challenge me so much on the eye contract before.

Speaker 1 Your dream dessert, Helen.

Speaker 1 Well, this is what I'd have at home as my comfort hidden food. You know, like a jelly with the tangerine segments in?

Speaker 1 No? Yes. Yeah, yeah.

Speaker 1 Yeah.

Speaker 1 Let me grab made. Yeah, yeah, yeah.
So like

Speaker 1 tin of orange segments and then a jelly.

Speaker 1 But the segments are suspended in the jelly, right? Yes. Yeah, yeah, yeah.
It's like magic. It is like magic and it does look cool.
And it's joy. It's joy.
I don't know.

Speaker 1 As a kid, I don't think I've had it since I was a kid, that kind of jelly. And that's why you should have it more often.
Because it reminds me of being a little kid. Maybe.

Speaker 1 You need to be more childlike, James. Yeah, yeah.
You've hardened in your old age. It's like, I just, grown-up desserts are so, I don't know.
I just think they're underwhelming.

Speaker 1 They don't, they taste good, but they don't look good. And jelly looks good.
Yeah, yeah, jelly looks good. Yeah, yeah.
Suspended in the middle. Oh, I like jelly.

Speaker 1 I just think, like, as a kid, I remember those little tangerine segments in there and being absolutely gutted. Wow.

Speaker 1 Because I love the jelly, but then they're trying to sneak fruit in a white. What the hell? Yeah, why you got that? They got a bit of pineapple in there.
Sometimes did that, didn't they?

Speaker 1 Both like that a bit more, but I never got

Speaker 1 those, never got given those. It was always the tangerine.
Would you eat round the tangerine? No, I'd eat it. Yeah.

Speaker 1 Because there's no way, like, if my parents saw that I'd left all the tangerines, they'd be like, What are you doing? Go eat those.

Speaker 1 I really, really, it was a close call between that and a butterscotch Angel Delight. Wow.

Speaker 1 This is proper party food now. This is like kids' party food.
We're Kier Royale Deep now. We've sticked slids.
Yay. No one's got time for creme brulee.

Speaker 1 My dear few has covered an IKEA crash mat in Angel Delight. That is a different kind of film, really.

Speaker 1 I had some friends from America come over this year, and one of them really got into Angel Delight without really knowing, you know, where it sits

Speaker 1 on the cultural landscape, how people in England feel about it, how it's viewed. So they were like...
I've just discovered this amazing. But

Speaker 1 you can tell what it comes in sachets. It's like a sachet of powder.
Yeah, but they were like, wow. I love B ⁇ M.
I love it.

Speaker 1 Going back in B ⁇ M, the northern, massive Woolworths, like modern-day Woolworths. You can buy Angel of Delight in batch.
In batch? Oh, so much Angel of Delight. And are you doing that?

Speaker 1 Of course I am. Listen, I've got three kids.
There's about 17 kids in my house at any one time. You've got to have a lot of Angel of Delight in the cupboard.

Speaker 1 When they were naming Angel of Delight, they really went for the name that was going to sell it the most, didn't they? We want this thing to sound amazing. Yeah, that was clever.

Speaker 1 Angel delight whoever came up with that are you a hand whipper or an electric whisker

Speaker 1 private

Speaker 1 we both did the joke

Speaker 1 and i will make not make eye contact with you while i do it

Speaker 1 helen before you ask the next question

Speaker 1 I have each of me back to you now see how you feel about it.

Speaker 1 Water, you would like ice water from the South Pole that's melted. Poplars or bread, you would would like five poplars with mango chutney.
Starter, old school prawn cocktail.

Speaker 1 Main course, roast chicken dinner with stuffing, parsnips and gravy. Side dish, corn on the cob with butter.
Drink, kia royale, and dessert.

Speaker 1 Jelly with tangerine segments, like your grandmother used to make. Yeah.

Speaker 1 We can throw a bit of butterscotch Angel Delight on there as well, can't we?

Speaker 2 Have a shot.

Speaker 1 Shot of that. A shot of Angel Delight butterscotch.
Listen, that sounds like a fun time. It does sound like a fun time.
And I would like to have that jelly again in my life.

Speaker 1 Yeah. You've made me remember that jelly.
What flavour's the actual jelly? Orange? Like, no, red, strawberry, red, yeah, okay, yeah, I don't even know. Cherry, raspberry, what is it? Red, yeah, red.

Speaker 1 Did you ever eat the jelly cubes? Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Amazing.
That was a good time, wasn't it?

Speaker 1 Whenever you're allowed to do that, you're like, why are we bothering with the actual process of making the jelly? Why are you not just giving me this jelly cube? Why did you, what you were allowed?

Speaker 1 We had to sneak it. Oh, yeah, we were allowed one.
Okay.

Speaker 1 Okay, so everything makes sense now. What? How much you like desserts, how much addicted you are to sugar.
Basically, your parents giving you an E. Yeah, yeah.
Yeah. Or just one.

Speaker 1 Or half. They're giving them like half an E.
There you go. I'm addicted, but I can't get a lot of it.
And then I get old enough that I can get my own ecstasy. Yeah.
So now I've gone insane.

Speaker 1 Helen, thank you very much for coming to the dream restaurant. Thank you for having me.
Thank you, Helen.

Speaker 1 James? Yep. What did I say? Listen, I owe you an apology, man.
You knew what you were going to do.

Speaker 2 I didn't know.

Speaker 1 You knew you were a bad thing. I'm only going to talk about Strictly.
I tried really hard not to talk about Strictly. I'm sorry.

Speaker 1 I didn't try at all.

Speaker 1 I wholeheartedly apologise. I let you down.

Speaker 1 I tried really hard. I just wanted to find out about food and Helen's life, and it just kept naturally coming up in conversation.
It didn't. I'm sorry.
You crobed it in every time.

Speaker 1 And then Helen started. Obviously, Helen talked about it because it's in her career.
And once she realised that you're a fan of Strictly, she was giving... At one point, she even said,

Speaker 1 you'll enjoy this because you're a Strictly fan. She was tailoring answers to you because you like Strictly.
Oh, but I can't help that. That was out of my hands, that one.
And I'm genuinely sorry.

Speaker 1 And it won't happen again. And if you just look at it.
We're never having a guest on who's been on Strictly before.

Speaker 2 Ever again.

Speaker 1 Well, I think you're narrowing our pool of guests pretty severely there. Nope.

Speaker 1 I think a lot of people would like to have like Molly would be great on it.

Speaker 2 Molly who from the same series.

Speaker 1 Molly who, what's her surname Strictly

Speaker 1 Molly Strictly yes right so you want to have a guest on you you don't even know their surname and all you know them from is Strictly

Speaker 1 you know I just know them as Molly when I was watching

Speaker 1 Molly and Carlos but we can't dance with Carlos get Carlos on it he's one of the dancers no Carlos would be great we've recorded one with a professional dancer from Strictly it went great it did go great but I'm one of the judges that went great so we get Craig Revel Revel Hallward on.

Speaker 1 Benita's just told us Craig Revel Hallward once pushed past him and said he had a lot of bags. Yeah.

Speaker 1 Sounded like he did have a lot of bags, though, Benita. Yeah, at the theatre.
Yeah.

Speaker 1 That would annoy me if I turned up to the theatre and tried to get to my seat and someone was sat in the middle of the row with loads of bags. Yeah.
And I would say, you've got a lot of bags.

Speaker 2 Yeah.

Speaker 1 I'm sure Craig Revel Hallwood's been to loads of theatre gigs and seen loads of performances. So he knows what the correct etiquette is.
Yeah, and how many bags?

Speaker 1 If you see someone with shitloads of bags, he's going to tell them. Apparently, he'd better been Christmas shopping and then

Speaker 1 I want to have Craig on because i want to ask him about do you remember if when a guy had loads of bags at the theater yeah so that'll be great

Speaker 1 and then i'll say that was him get craig on get gorker get carlos yeah i think you should do a speak to bonito bonito will produce a strictly podcast for you here at plosive productions why don't you want this for the whole podcast because i i can't stress enough i don't like strictly yes but i think the listener already loves the fact i can speak for them yeah that i love strictly and you really don't like it But the listener doesn't like Strictly.

Speaker 1 There's quite a lot of listeners who like Strictly. No.
But also, for the ones who don't, you're their voice. So it's perfect to have guests on the table.

Speaker 1 Yeah, but they also need to listen to your voice. And it's mainly your voice on these ones because all you're doing is talking about fucking Strictly.
You were talking on that, what you talked about.

Speaker 1 What did you talk about?

Speaker 1 Talked about, can we stop talking about Strictly now and talk about food? That probably didn't make the edit, though.

Speaker 1 You maybe were hoping I was going to say Spring Onion Beard and I'd get kicked out of the green restaurant. I'd love that.

Speaker 1 But she didn't say it. So she stayed in the restaurant to deliver her full menu.
Do not forget that Helen's book, In My Stride, is out now. You can go and buy that.
Yes.

Speaker 1 And also, you can buy Ed's book, Gotten. The Multi-Course Life of a Very Greedy Boy.
That is available also. Do go and buy it for all of your

Speaker 1 book needs. James's books are all out as well.
Yeah, yeah. And look out for his next book, I Love Strictly.
I love Strictly. So sue me.
That's a good idea for a book.

Speaker 1 Yeah, yeah, yeah. Benito could produce it.
Thank you very much for listening. We will see you you again sometime soon.
Bye-bye. Goodbye.

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Speaker 1 Hello, I'm Lucy Beaumont, and I'm Sam Campbell. as a matter of fact.

Speaker 15 Perfect Brains is one of the most enchanting podcasts. The effect it has on people is astounding.

Speaker 16 That is what we've heard, isn't it? Yeah.

Speaker 15 This changes people's lives.

Speaker 16 If you had to sum it up, how would you sum it up?

Speaker 15 An in-depth look at sumo wrestling and the scandals. Because it used to be considered so honourable, like sumos and they all live together, sumos.

Speaker 16 No two podcasts are the same. Do you remember that one where I just messaged loads of Dereks? I don't think people know that.
I emailed a hundred Dereks.

Speaker 1 I don't think it was Derek's, I thought it was Brian.

Speaker 1 Yeah, Lucy emailed every Brian on Facebook.

Speaker 16 Our podcast is out every Friday, so it's really easy to remember. It's like if you've got an office job, it's the first day you feel alive again.

Speaker 15 Lucy and Sam's Perfect Brains, one of the hottest podcasts. People are going crazy for this podcast.

Speaker 16 Yeah, please give it a listen.

Speaker 15 We're loaded up on buzzballs. We've got a laboo boo in both hands and we are ready to screech.