Ep 234: Johannes Radebe

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Welcome to the Off-Menu Podcast, taking the chocolate cake of humor, crafting it into the caterpillar of podcasts, dipping it in some melted chocolate of friendship.

You got yourself a colin the caterpillar podcast cake congratulations colin you've made it you've made it colin that's it gamble my name is james a caster we own a dream restaurant and we invite a guest in every single week and ask them their favorite ever start a main course dessert side dish and drink not in that order and this week our guest is johannes radi

one of the the well look the dancers on strictly listen the

dancers i don't want to stop our spoil our chances of getting more Strictly dancers on this podcast.

So I'm not going to say that anyone is the dance on Strictly.

But he's one of the dancers.

Is the best one?

He is fantastic.

We met him very briefly when we did the one show.

We were on the sofa with Johannes and Judy Murray, of course.

Yes.

And just loved meeting him.

You're a huge fan of Strictly.

Like it was your lockdown was.

Yeah.

The last two series of Strictly, I'll confess, I'm late to the party.

But now I'm the life and soul.

Yes, you are.

Absolutely.

I absolutely love it.

You're its biggest supporter.

I love Johannes on there.

It's the biggest supporter.

Yeah.

I am the biggest supporter of Strictly.

Yeah.

That's why I'll never go on it because then I wouldn't be able to watch it.

Yeah, that's true.

And I love watching it.

Love Johannes on it.

Well, you could watch it live every week.

No, it wouldn't be the same.

I think it'd be better, wouldn't it?

Not if you're dancing.

No, you'd be nervous.

I'd be nervous.

Yeah, yeah.

He's fantastic.

Can't wait to speak to him.

I really can't wait.

No idea what he likes to eat.

Nope.

So all the food choices are are going to be a surprise.

Also, very excited because Johannes is going on tour soon with House of Jojo.

Yes.

Which we'll ask him more about that during the day.

Absolutely.

His new tour.

We do have a secret ingredient, James.

You're going to be gutted if you have to kick Johannes out.

Yeah, but this is why I've deliberately pushed for an ingredient I just don't think Johannes is going to pick at all.

Yeah, it's a back ref to a previous episode with Steve-O.

Yeah.

Sparkling Thameswater.

Sparkling Thameswater.

I'm pretty sure Johannes and Steve-O are not going to be peas in a pod.

No, I don't think they're in the same pod.

Yeah, so I'll be very surprised if Johannes picks sparkling Thames water.

Sparkling water is fine.

Yes.

But not sparkling Thames Water.

And I feel pretty good that I'm going to be able to speak to Johannes for the whole of the menu here.

We're not going to have to kick him out.

Absolutely.

So without further ado, this is the off-menu menu of Johannesburg.

Johannes Ranabay.

Welcome, Johannes, to the Dream Restaurant.

Oh,

thank you for having me.

Welcome, Johannes Ranabay, to the Dream Restaurant.

We've been expecting you for some time.

Oh, darlings, thank you for having me.

I'm too excited, man.

Too excited.

Really?

Yeah.

We met you briefly on the one show.

We got to share the sofa with you on the one show.

And Judy Murray.

Judy Murray, to be fair.

Shout out to Judy Murray.

Absolutely love.

And

yeah, I did tell you how much I love you and Strickland.

I mean, it still blows my mind that a lad like you

sits on a Saturday night and watches Strickland dancing.

Yeah.

I don't know.

Is it because of a girlfriend?

Tell me.

No, you're just a big fan.

Imagine there was

in the lockdowns, she was watching it without me.

Aha.

And I got drawn into it.

And I got drawn into it because of you and John.

And I was like, I got invested in the story.

I was like, oh, I want these guys to win so badly so i started watching it all the time i was like i've i've been i've been missing out and now now i'm a fan see that makes me feel so happy great and i i met aj from that series aj doo do and she said that that series was is hardcore competitive like everyone was really on it and focused and wanting to win and uh was it was it more so than other series

wow

when is it never competitive

you know i know i think yeah that's that's the thing that was quite special isn't it and i think the whole country was at home watching and that's what made it even more special because i was like the to the three couples that made it to the finals it was just sad that asia did not you know what happened to her happened but you can imagine i should never admit this but

i was kind of like yay

one down you know

because i mean it's true he's she's right when she said it it is it gets competitive.

And you get to a point where you're like, I thought it was just an entertainment show.

Yeah.

You know, but yeah, there comes a time when you're just like, I want to lift that litter ball.

Yeah.

But I'm sure the dancers are always competitive, but surely there's times where there's some celebrities who turn up who are just a bit like,

let's just have a laugh.

That's what happens in the first couple of weeks.

And then they go.

And then you see the shift in their eyes.

And that's the most beautiful thing as a professional.

That's where you want them to walk.

I always say you're here, you're here to win.

What are you here to do?

You know what I'm saying?

But I do think that once they get the taste of it and they start getting comfortable with the show,

then you see that competitive spirit.

Yeah.

They can start at the beginning just saying.

I've just always watched it.

I just want to be here.

Oh, it's so fun to just be here on Stritly and it's so nice.

And you do see the change.

You do.

You do.

I mean, I've been surprised by a couple of people.

I'm just like, I did not expect that from you, but okay, here we are.

It's nice.

My favorite is when the celebrity is really bad and they're clearly hating it, but the public keep them in for ages.

Tony Adams limping on.

Poor guy.

Every week.

And you're going through.

Like, oh, for fuck's sake.

Tony just wants to be put out of his misery.

And he goes to a minute later and says, come back the following week.

Somebody gets late.

Listen,

it's hard.

Oh, it does.

It looks really hard.

It looks so difficult.

Like, I remember, you know,

I did two days on the Great British Bake Off, and it was absolute hell.

Just two days?

Yeah.

So I can only imagine what the first week of Strictly is like.

So even the person going out in week one, I think, you've already endured more than I could possibly imagine.

I couldn't do it.

You guys would never.

Couldn't.

I think you'd look great in the gear.

Look, I'd look great in the gear.

Did you just go ahead and s gear?

Yeah.

Yeah, yeah.

In all the gear.

I'd look great in the gear.

I think I'd create all the gear, but

I would spoil it for everyone else.

Why is that?

I would get so exhausted so quickly, and I would not want to do it.

And I would start moaning and complaining all the time.

Whoever my dance partner was would be like, I can't believe I've been saddled with the dud,

with the one who's just whinging every single day about it.

Oh,

you won't believe what we have to do, but

you wouldn't be a problem at all.

I just think you both have such beautiful height that it would be a shame well that that feels like it's a compliment but then also you examine it and beautiful height feels like it doesn't feel like a compliment

thank you listen listen that you may as well say you're both alive

you were with any taylor last time she had beautiful height she did and she's gorgeous can we discuss then i mean i used to look at this woman and think to her do you know how gorgeous you are i don't think she was you know she was, she was aware of it.

I don't think she was.

Do you think she was?

No.

I mean, she used to be a model, so I think she knows.

Nah, nah, nah.

I think she's just, she's your girl next door, isn't it?

She's a very nice person.

Not next door to her.

Very.

No, no.

No.

Neighbours aren't listening to this.

I know I couldn't do it because I did a salsa class with my wife once and 10 minutes in, I couldn't do it.

And I got really angry and uh told her that the instructor was getting it wrong and that's why i couldn't do it oh no

that is dangerous

are you

no but with this one you you you you would be surprised it's it's the format i think that works you know oh look for the format's great love to watch it i would spoil it who do you think if ed was on it with that attitude

who would be the best professional to pair him with you need a karen yeah yeah you definitely need a karen she keep me in line?

She definitely will.

It was Karen with Jade last time.

Karen with Jade last time.

Yeah, yeah.

All right, I see.

She is quite, she's quite strict and I love her.

And she's a grafter.

I think you would do so well.

She wouldn't have had to work as hard as she would with Jade.

Oh, yeah.

I don't know, man.

If you're saying the Sultan teacher's getting it wrong.

Can you imagine?

And 10 minutes of that, you should give it a weed.

Karen, you are getting this wrong, I would say.

Karen, this is a mess.

Yeah, yeah.

No, think about it, gentlemen.

Think about it, please.

Well, always.

But what I'm really excited about is catching your tour show, House of Jojo.

Yes, definitely.

I mean, I feel like the past two years doing Freedom and Freedom Unleashed has really afforded me the opportunity to tell my story and

live and thrive doing that.

But yeah, House of Jojo, it's about others, you know, that I can bring along with on this journey.

I'm not blinded to the fact that there's not a lot of opportunities for dancers to be a part of a production that represents them and their stories.

And I think there's,

you know, there's quite special people out there like me that I know has to work.

10 times harder to just be noticed or seen.

And that is what I want to open House of Georgia to.

I want to give others an opportunity.

And when I talk about others, I talk about international talent as well, you know, bringing people from outside and just say, even if they do this once, you know, it's selling a dream to somebody and just giving them an opportunity.

So that's why I was like, okay,

you've done it.

What can you do different this time around?

Yeah.

And I want to do, I want to change the narrative for us in the industry.

I really do, because I feel like.

This is the one place in the world where you can get to do it and be applauded for it.

You don't find this theater culture anywhere else in the world.

And yeah, Britain is, the UK is phenomenal for that.

It really is.

How have you got so?

For someone like this, when you're finding other dancers, are you contacting dancers who you already know and you already have in mind, or are you holding auditions?

I hold auditions.

I think it's lovely to be fair in that regard.

And people that can make it to the audition simply means that they want to be there and they want to be part of the job.

I just think, you know,

it boils down to whether you have the passion and the talent for it.

Yeah.

What's been your hardest audition you've had to do yourself?

Myself.

I think it was back in the day prisilla queen of the desert oh and i came here to the uk to audition for it because i was working on a cruise ship at the time and i've been there for a while and i was looking for a breakthrough you know when someone wanted to do something different after seven years of being on at sea and i came here with the hope of obviously becoming part of this production but i completely missed the memo because i was like okay i'm here now you know oh where do i go and they're like yeah we need three leads but it will be we need three white boys and i was like i don't want to be part of an ensemble like i was at the point in my career where i was just like i don't want to be standing at the back you know i've i've done it on the ships now nobody gets to ever see what you do so i was just like okay if this is if i can't be lead bye

yeah

yeah there's got to be a point where you say that no i completely agree yeah

and i did think it was stupid of me to even you know to to to even think that because I was, they said, we can offer you a job, but you'll be part of an ensemble.

And I was just like, no, you know, I'm not going to do that.

I'll wait for my turn.

Little did I know that that turn was going to take a couple of years, you know, but

worth waiting.

Worth the wait.

Worth the wait.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Yeah.

That's, well, I mean, that's, that's quite inspiring.

Yeah.

Like most of us would just go, yeah, right, I just have a job.

But like,

that's great.

Do you find your, your experience auditioning for things informs how you audition other people?

Do you always have that in the back of your mind of what it's like to audition for things?

Absolutely.

And I always say kindness goes a long way.

And also there's different times because

when I was auditioning and that was a thing, you know,

there was not a lot of care

towards how we feel.

and where that leaves you as a dancer, you know,

when you can't book jobs because of whatever reason, you don't meet the criteria.

I mean, you know, they don't think about that.

And I think that is something that I've been very conscious of going forward.

You know, me doing it now for others.

I'm like, you know, people are at a point where now they do an audition and they walk out and then if they're not chosen, they will say to you, can I please have feedback?

And I think it's important that you do reply to them and you say, you know, the reason why I think you didn't, no, the reason why you didn't get the job is because you need to improve on ABCDE.

And this is how you should go about it.

Because most of the times people walk in and audition and people go bye and you never know what you did wrong.

You know what I mean?

And sometimes I think it's important that people know what it is that they can work or you know go back and work on and improve um try not to change do you know there's so many things that one could take away from a feedback and and it's true that's what i do i really do i think it's important well i'd like if there's anyone uh listening who ever goes to see me at a gig um i don't want that

no feedback no feedback from my gig

i think it's different from an audience rather than someone who's in charge of booking a show, though, right?

Yeah.

When you do auditions for things, do you get feedback?

Yeah, they say you were the best.

We just can't use you right now.

That's usually it.

And that comes through your agent, right?

Yeah, they say they absolutely loved you.

Yeah.

But they've had to go in a different direction.

Yeah.

Oh, yeah.

The amount of directions people are going in when I do auditions, it's never towards me.

Yeah, yeah.

People are all over the map.

We decided to go in the direction of a good actor.

I'm on the wrong bit of the compass.

Yeah.

But here you are.

Here we are.

Are you a food fan?

Am I a foodie?

Yeah.

That's a good start.

No, like, you know, you know what it is.

I always just think to myself, I'm so busy today I could do without food.

If there was a pill to swallow and that sorts you out, I would be that person.

So you know what your start is going to be?

but at the same time i'm trying to explain that i'm an african child you know i i and it's bad of me to say that because you know african children don't all do this but i eat anything

and i think it was because of my upbringing i left home at a very young age you know to go live with other people obviously trying to pursue this dancing thing and wherever i found myself i had to eat what those people were eating you know and that really taught me a valuable lesson to say that you know i'm not it's not a thing but you know you can't choose you know when when you've got a plate of food in front of you you better eat and finish it that's just a sign of respect

so that has really prepared my my palate for the world and like i said i've traveled around so i i've tasted food around the world i have i've been lucky enough to do that

that to me sounds like a foodie though someone who will eat anything and will try

have the food pill you still would rather have the pill you see what i mean and that's what i'm getting at

We always start with still or sparkling water.

Still,

any other day, because it's accessible.

Sparkling, when I'm sitting down and having dinner,

I like to treat myself, I always consider it as

a thing, you know, to drink sparkling water.

Well, sparkling is strictly water, right?

Strictly from water.

Yeah.

Why do you say that?

Because it's sparkling.

Yeah.

Yeah, the food's got me sparkling.

right?

Oh, you see that.

Come on, it's glitter ball water.

No, listen, still, still, that's what I prefer.

I've put you off the sparkling now.

I'm saying it's glitterball water.

What do you guys prefer?

Well, I think I'd go for Stillwater, but I think if you want to go sparkling, go sparkle.

I think it's been a pretty even split on the podcast with guests.

Yeah.

Really?

A lot of them have, yeah, it's 50-50 still or sparkling.

Trying to think of other dancers we've had on the podcast.

Mozzie.

Yes.

I don't know what Mozzie chose.

I remember Jordan Banjo choosing, well, he said he doesn't drink water.

It reminds him of Spit.

Yes.

So Jordan Banjo for years was dancing, dancing, dancing, but just drinking squash, like very high-concentrated Robinson squash all the time and not drinking water when dancing.

He said he didn't have water until he was 18.

Yes, he didn't have water until he was 18.

He only had squash.

He never drank normal water.

Is that possible?

Apparently so.

And I tell you what, he's still got a beautiful height yeah yeah he's got a beautiful height jordan

what's happening on the inside

my body needs to be hydrated no he's a mess on the inside jordan banner is the opposite of a tardis who's actually very small he's got bad height on the inside very short on the inside yeah

yeah can't take you anyway

no i can't no there's no way and he's a performer and he's on stage like i mean how do you he's doing back flips because you must be swigging water all the time when you're training and rehearsing and all of that yes i am and then obviously when i finish that it's prosequential champagne yeah yeah but you know what i mean but i when i i am when i'm active i i consciously make that decision to to read that you know you have to have weight or else you'll fall yeah well what did mozzie choose bonito sparkling sparkling

there you go yeah

yeah

straight away sparkling

she strikes me as somebody that would drink sparkling water Well, I think, especially if you're a dancer, you're drinking still water all the time when you're training, because you can't drink sparkling water while you're training, obviously.

Well, you'd be burping all the time, wouldn't you?

Imagine doing a backflip.

You do a burp during it.

You might do an ultra backflip.

Go for your feet.

True, it's fine.

But I mean,

if you're in the competition a couple of weeks, I can burp.

It's fine.

Yeah.

If you did a very...

I saw that once on Strictly.

Well, I was going to say, if you did a, during Strictly, if you did a very obvious and

need I say more, stinky burp that wafted towards the judges.

Where's this?

On the dance floor?

On the dance floor.

You're dancing with a celeb.

You're hoping the burp lands in Depek's face, because that's a 10 anyway.

Fingers crossed.

They smell the burp.

They know you've done the burp.

They've seen you do the burp.

How many points do you think they'd take off for the burp?

Each judge?

No, I mean, no question.

How far off would you have to be from

them to stick to the ship?

Do you never go right up to the judge's table and do a shimmy or something?

Sometimes you have to do it.

No, sometimes you do, and that's true.

I'm just trying to think about it now.

Let me see.

Oh, goodness.

So, you're in their face, shimmying and you burp.

Ew.

Obviously, Craig is the worst person to burp in front of or burp on or Shirley.

Because I think Mozzie would laugh.

Yeah,

standard.

She'd laugh.

Mozzie would get a swig of sparkle and burp right back at you.

I mean, it would be sweet if you burped in Craig's face.

I mean, it's always for his.

It's so serious.

I think it will make him laugh.

Do you know what I mean?

Don't know how that will go down.

No,

I've never.

You never thought about that.

Never thought about that.

We bring the tough questions on us, menu.

Yeah, we ask them.

But I don't think these points should be deducted for something as natural as burping.

But if it's a really big one, though.

Massive, I'm still talking massive.

As long as you are not out of timing

and you didn't mess up your choreography, I say burp along.

Do you know what I mean?

As long as it doesn't affect your choreography, I shouldn't be taking off points.

Yeah.

You would argue that on live television.

Oh, definitely.

And what if it was just an artistic choice?

I met Craig recently.

Oh, stop.

I was doing, well, wait till you hear this.

I was doing Live at the Apollo.

I was hosting an episode of Live at the Apollo.

Very nerve-wracking moment for a comedian.

You want it to all go well.

We were the first one they were filming that night.

And then just before they said, oh, we're filming something for 100 years of the BBC where Craig and some Strictly people like invade the stage at loads of different TV shows.

So they're going out there first to do their thing.

And I was like, right?

And the audience know this?

They went, no, we're just going to do it.

So they went out and did a dance.

The audience just sat there baffled because they thought it was alive at the Apollo.

They come off.

I'm like, right, okay, just get your head in the game.

You've got to get this right now.

You probably have a bit of work to do at the top because they're a bit confused.

And I just heard someone go, yeah, we'll just do it one more time.

Yeah.

Three times they did that dance.

That was probably Med Flint, yeah.

And then, and then I, and then I had to go out and sort of not mention it.

Please, tell me, where was this?

This was at the Hammer Smith Apollo.

Congratulations on that.

Thank you very much.

One of the biggest kicks of a comedian's career hosting like the Apollo.

And I had to work really hard at the top because everyone was initially baffled and then just absolutely wowed by the dancing.

And then I come out in, you know, t-shirt and jeans.

And then to watch the same dance three times.

I'm sorry about that.

No, no, it was, it was lovely to watch.

Oh, strictly must be everywhere, isn't it?

Yeah,

even infiltrating the comedy shows, no.

Yeah, it's a sign.

You must use that as an omen.

Yeah, it's true.

They're like, just stop oil.

They're tailing up.

So they're, I mean,

as important a message, some might say.

Yeah.

Pop it up swap bed.

Pop lobs or bed, Joe Hannah.

Oh, Vader Bay.

Sometimes, sometimes.

Sometimes I say Beber on stuff

and I was like

this is gonna be funny and then I did it and then I laughed at it while I was doing it for Birmingham that calls me Abebe.

I don't know where do you think it is.

It's too much.

Beber is I

say it on a few TV shows and it's been brought up to me a lot.

And Radabay, I just then go into Beber.

It's too much, man.

What are you like?

Who calls you Radabay?

There's a lady and she's made it her thing.

And I'm just like, okay, you know, whatever floats a boat, girl,

it really brings her happiness.

Yeah, it really felt good to say.

Yeah,

you've said it a lot since you said it the first time.

Oh, stop.

You asked me.

You asked me.

Sorry, pop a dumb salt bread.

Pop a dumb salt bread.

Bread all the way calms, calms, calms.

Yeah.

And I think, is there anything that fills you more than bread, though?

Fills you more than bread.

Yeah.

Not really.

No, it's pretty much the most filling thing on the planet, isn't it?

It's the most gorgeous.

I mean, I've left off, you know, cheap bread, jam and peanut butter.

But now I live next to

a baker.

I have to say, I'm appreciative, like, I'm grateful for life,

really, because

to have focal that is mixed with olive oils, a little bit of oil and salt in the morning and it's hot.

It was like heaven to me.

You went almost spiritual, but it was spiritual.

The lipstick couldn't see it, but Johannes literally looking up to heaven.

He literally gestured up to God.

In heaven,

I'd say you were grateful for life.

You looked up, did a little gesture.

That is my everyday routine without fail.

I literally walk into the baker and I just stand there and then they deliver my vanilla latte with my focaccia bread.

So focaccia for breakfast.

Fokachia for breakfast.

I know, I'm terrible.

And you're just eating the focaccia, just chunks of the focaccia.

It's like that.

So massive.

It's massive.

That's your breakfast.

Oh, that's joyous.

And so you're having that whole thing at the start.

Do you want your latte with it as well?

It's part of your bread course.

That would be fab.

Yeah.

Yeah,

nobody makes my latte like that beautiful lady.

Yeah.

And if she's not at work, I don't know whether that latte.

Yeah.

Oh, I don't know why that tickled me so much.

The sentence, nobody makes my latte like that beautiful lady.

You don't know why that tickled you?

You know, it's ugly why that ticket is.

It's a

funny sentence.

So quietly as well.

Yeah.

We won't get you to name the place because then you'll blow up your spot.

Yeah.

And you won't be able to go there.

But there we go.

That beautiful lady will know that.

That beautiful lady will know.

She'll know.

Absolutely.

She's a big fan as well.

So what happened?

So if she's not there, you don't get the vanilla latte.

I don't, honestly.

I don't.

So if you go in there and the ugly man's there, you're not getting the...

No one fucks up a vanilla latte like the ugly man.

My latte.

Yeah, sorry.

No one ruins my latte like that ugly man.

It's the opposite.

I think that's great.

I don't think we've ever had a bread course with a coffee before.

Yeah.

That's great.

That's a good way to start the meal.

I just thought of a question that I've got about strictly.

I'll be going back there.

Tell me.

You know, on episode one of each series, and they do the bit where you meet your partners for the first time.

Yeah.

Do they know that is who they're going to get before you come through?

Is that real surprise?

It is.

Good, just so I know.

It is.

Because I always watch it going, I'm not sure if this is a real surprise or not.

Let me tell you something.

It frustrates me because you can imagine.

I want to know.

And if I don't know, I struggle in life, you know, and I do everything in my power to find out.

But

it's the integrity thing with BBC.

And I absolutely adore that as well, you know, because then you know things are done fairly, you know, it's it's it's a very hard show.

So you wanna, you, you would like to think that the ship runs,

you know.

But it is, it really, really is.

And, and, and yeah.

as much as we would try and work it out as to who will end up with who as they are announced, you know you never guarantee that it's going to be like that so you know that yeah you obviously know the lineup

so there's no chance of you walking in there and going who the fuck is that

listen it has afforded us an opportunity to run on google yeah and check you know to say who's who and what's who and that yeah it really does yeah that's lucky that's lucky i mean we're not from you know i always say it's it's it's the most interesting thing because most of us are not from this country you know, and you have to be very well versed with what is happening to know some of these people that come onto the show.

You know, I mean, can you imagine?

But also, some of you, it's your first, when it's your first series, and the celeb always sees this dancer for the first,

it's their first series, and the celeb always goes, no way!

You don't know that.

Well, you've been hanging out on cruise ships the last seven years.

You should watch it, Ed.

Yeah.

Well, I do, yeah, I dip in and out.

You do it.

I dip in and out.

You've never sat through a whole show, though, have you?

I have sat through a whole show.

Really?

Some of my mum's.

She watches it religiously.

So I'll watch it with my mum.

She absolutely loves it.

She'll be over the moon to hear that you're coming on the podcast.

Oh, that is sweet.

I know mum will be happy.

I don't know about you.

But do you want to tell me that you're going to be in the middle?

I'm delighted that you're telling the truth, Ed.

I don't actually know the truth.

Ed is

how much you watch Strictly.

I dip in and out.

He's dips in and out.

I mean, that's, you know.

For my birthday present,

my girlfriend got me a cameo from, and I'm sorry, I don't know his name, but.

the ginger hair dance who stands in the background.

Oh, what?

Why am I laughing?

The guy, the guy, he stands in the background.

Leo Jones.

Yeah, great.

Why do you say he stands in the back?

Well,

in the two series that I've watched, he's not at a dance part, though.

Oh, yeah.

Oh, yeah.

So the two series I've watched, he's been standing behind Claudia or someone, and and he'll be hyping up what's being said and he'll be leading the gang.

Oh yeah.

And then he'll do the group dances.

And I always, I really like watching him.

Weird that you couldn't just get that directly.

We worked with his ex-wife.

Sure, but that was after I got the cameo.

Yeah, that was after I got the cameo.

We went up against Cassio and went on the road.

But it means that I think someone's going to help you.

But yeah, you know, I got a cameo from him for my birthday, telling me that I was going to go and see Big Fief.

The ginger buttons stands in the background.

Yeah, because you know how much I loved him.

Does she love him?

Yeah, but

he's my favourite.

I'd always point him out.

Really?

Yeah, I'd always be like, look at him.

Look at what he's doing now.

I loved it.

You love him so much that you didn't know his name even after you got a cameo from him.

No, no, it was funnier to not know his name.

It's funnier to go, look at him that way, nodding.

Or

he'd be doing it.

Yeah,

yes, and everything everyone was doing.

Somebody else was doing some funny little gesture.

He'd adopt it as well and do it in the background.

He's our prankster.

Yeah, loved it.

Call him the prankster.

Loved it.

There's no laughter without Neil.

Yeah.

Honestly,

his face is fun.

He's fun.

That's a lovely way to put it because I would expect you to say there's always laughter with Neil.

And you've said, there's never laughter without Neil.

So no one's laughing until Neil's.

Yeah.

It's a miserable show.

And you're all just sat there silently waiting for Neil to turn up.

No, but you can imagine.

Yeah.

It's, it's, you must see the rehearsal period you know there's never a dull moment and that is that's the fun thing about them you know and i will always say we were family before anything and i think that's the truth because if you see us behind closed doors you yeah we're a crazy bunch that's what we say about ourselves us free we're family

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You're all set for a nail glow-up.

Let's get those nails looking fabulous, shall we?

Let's get into your dream menu proper.

Your dream starter.

What is your ideal dream starter?

And don't say the pill.

It can't be a pill.

It's not.

Listen, I was home for the past couple of three weeks, actually.

And I was just reminded of how good home is, actually.

Have you ever had flour?

And what you do with the flour is you put a little bit of yeast, salt, vegetable oil, and you take that dough and you dunk it in deep, in in

oil.

deep fry it.

Comes out as like, looks donutty,

but you eat that.

And if you want to be naval or you've got the munch to do it, you can buy snook fish and beat it with acha, which is made of mango, vinegar, salt and sugar.

And you mix that mix and you have that together.

It's the most delicious thing.

I can't explain it to you guys.

And I was just like...

It's just like fried dough, but it's like fried dough.

Yes.

But with like a mango, and do you say snook fish?

Yes.

I don't think I've ever heard of snook fish.

Have you noticed a fish?

Yeah.

I believe you.

I'm not suggesting you miss a fish.

I know.

I know.

check it out it's it's it's the way it melts in your mouth is it like is it white fish it's white fish nice yeah and and that that's when you if you posh i say that if you posh because it's quite expensive as you can imagine and it's quite a delicacy so i always say acha or en paloni i don't think i've had that you've never had no it's palone viennes you know viennes Viennes Vienetta not Bienetta oh Jesus how do I explain Viennese world

Pologi, how do I explain bologna, please?

Well, I can't help you out with explaining bologna.

I've got absolutely no idea what it is.

Where the words you're explaining it to,

Jesus.

It's made of all types of things and it's a bit disgusting.

I do know, don't.

Shall we start naming ingredients?

You can tell us what's in it.

In the bologna?

Yeah.

Yeah, it's everything.

Okay.

Ah.

Yo, no.

Marshmallow.

No, no, nothing.

Savory come through.

Savory come through.

when i say viennas you know what you call sausages oh okay inside of a sausage right okay so imagine at a factory yeah meat factory you take all that you take all that meat yeah and what you're what you're doing with that's that's that's it's a meatball not a meatball you put it in a thing exactly it's it's it's like humus like you know that

you you can take and spread it on any it's like a sort of spreadable

spreadable something yeah yeah yeah yeah but it's made of all meat and sometimes meat that's that's that's gone off.

You know what I'm saying?

But yeah, they packaged it nicely and they just like using up

to create something left off.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, in order to not waste things.

Yeah, it's how some of the best foods were created, I think.

Some of the best dishes were using waste products or things that normally get thrown away and working out a way of cooking them to make them delicious.

Oh, well, you say that.

Without bologna, there's nothing else, honestly.

But we know back home in South Africa, but I mean, you talk about other foods, darling.

Hang on, were you saying bologna?

Well, bologna, can you imagine bologna if you had to squeeze it out of your pancake?

Okay, yes, yeah.

How would it come out?

Bologna, yeah, yeah, squeezy bologna.

Squeezy bologna, so to speak.

Squeezy bologna.

Would you say bologna?

Yeah, bologna, which is like bologna meat, right?

Which is like luncheon meat sort of stuff.

So bologna must is.

I think you've confused matters.

Oh, no, with this bologna talk.

He's on about something.

That's just how we would say it in Africa.

Talking absolute bologna.

Benito's showing you an image there on the screen to see if that is it.

Fetcook.

Fetcook called the fried bread is called

Fed cook.

Fetcook.

Maguena, you can use mince with it.

You know, stuff it with mince.

That's what a lot of people do.

So you're using that, you're dipping the bread in all this stuff.

Yeah.

And then you delicious.

It's cheap, easy to make, and it can feed an army of people.

Nice.

That's a great start.

Yeah.

That is a beautiful starter.

And not appealing sights.

We're doing well.

Yeah.

Dream main course.

Like I said to you, I think I'm spoiled and it's not a bad thing sometimes.

But I go home and like I was saying, I was saying, African delicacies, I had tripe now the other week, you know, and I forgot how beautiful tripe is.

And what happens is at home is that we have veggies that are homegrown, so it's lovely and accessible.

So you find that they do a lot of that and then they do do tribe and then we have samp you know to go with that you know samp i don't know here we go

samp and beans you know i don't know how to explain samp to you is samp vegetable or is it like a grape no it's like a grain yeah yeah is it like sort of a more solid sort of polentary

that is what you call fufu papa you're talking about and that's just also another one yeah to use with your with your with with tribe isn't it uh but i prefer my mom to make the tribe clean it what you know she i when she's done it then i'll eat it because the last thing that you want is to be eating tribe and then sand or it's not washed properly or anything of that sort after all those intestines see this is the thing you're saying you're not a foodie right but if a british person was in here saying they weren't a foodie and i suggested tripe to them they'd probably walk out really yeah so it's just we talked to like Rylan or someone yeah who we did earlier today talk to Rylan so that's why come ahead yeah

absolutely appalled

at anything that we chose.

Really?

It was a movie like that.

Yeah.

See, I think if in this country, I think if a British person says, I'm going to eat some tripe, they would be seen as an adventurous foodie.

Yeah, for sure.

Stop it, double, stop it.

I will not double stop it.

Double stop it.

I will double stop it, actually.

I'll double carry on.

Oh, no.

Sorry.

Are you guys charging?

You know, do you guys charge me?

Oh, I would eat tripe.

I'd eat tripe in a heartbeat.

I'd eat heart in a tripe beat.

Ed is more likely to eat tripe in a heartbeat heart in a tripe beat than I am

he loves he loves tripe and stuff like that yeah he'd probably go to that that'd be his go-to I would try it if I'm just interested and like oh I haven't had that before I'm gonna try that thing I accidentally

ordered brains in a in a cafe in Holland because I'd done the Google translate on the menu and it said it was something else so I ordered them sounded delicious and then they bought these deep-fried brains but they were delicious I just didn't know that that's what I ordered you were eating yeah when they brought it over they said here's your brains and I was like what what what and I was like well you know they should be using the whole animal so you know I'm not gonna send it but I'm gonna I'm gonna try it delicious and very fluffy actually really yeah I love that brains are good man you really yeah you see I've eaten everything but I've never tried that stop it

should be next on the list where do you find it well where did I I had brains at Jim Carner once you did Jim Carner's great Indian restaurant here.

I guess just like the kind of restaurants that will try and use...

There's something that, you know, their whole kind of ethos is to use the whole animal.

So those kind of places would sell.

St.

John.

Something like that.

St.

John.

What kind of animal is it?

Oh, that's a good point.

I didn't know what kind of animal's brains it was.

Oh, Jesus.

How big was the brain?

Oh, it was the size of a human being.

I think it was a.

I've had a duck brain before out of the the duck's skull.

Come on.

That's disrespectful.

It feels disrespectful.

They brought the whole head of the duck.

Like at the end of Hannibal?

Yeah.

Was it live?

Yeah, it was a duck Hannibal.

It was quackable.

And you know what?

It didn't taste that great, and I didn't feel that good about it afterwards.

Is this true?

Are you not putting on a lick?

No, I'm not.

I've got Jordan to see a picture.

Don't.

Now.

He showed me this picture.

It's not nice.

Yeah, i've seen it yeah it's on a blade a head of a dag yes where were you i was in noma regularly voted the best restaurant in the world in copenhagen yeah very good restaurant they do some crazy

yeah by the sort of people who eat duck brain i think by elma thudd

hanna bill was very good hanna bill thank you i'm still trying to get my head around what johannes' actual dish dish is because i'm looking at it here tripe samp and beans samp and beans and we haven't oh i've been shown what samp is here.

This satisfying recipe from What's for Dinner will have your family reaching for second scoops.

Samp and beans need no introduction to South Africans.

Well, that doesn't help me.

Oh, simply corn kernels that have been dried and pounded before being chopped into large pieces.

Yes, that sounds kind of about right.

And then some spices.

Some spices in there.

Definitely.

Definitely.

Yeah.

So far, the menu is quite it feels quite south african you're sort of gravitating back home with this meal for is it a comforting sort of food it is it's comforting food honestly and i i have to say

cheap you know and it's nice it's nice isn't it it's it's always nice to eat cheap and and nicely i think i think oh i completely agree with you but then also it's your dream it's your dream restaurant so if you want to throw in some expensive stuff you can True that.

So don't you worry.

True that, but I don't know about duck set and brain.

Oh, no, you don't have to have the duck brain.

It's fine.

Yeah, you're still on that.

Yeah.

I understand.

You can't stop thinking about that.

I'm getting over my brain.

I understand.

It's a

weird thing.

You feel like it changed how your wife didn't want hers, so I had to eat.

I ate too.

Kind of sort of because I'm like,

where

I would love to be in your brain.

Oh, well, I'll crack it open.

Grab a spoon.

I will try anything.

Anything.

And it was, so you get a bit at Nomi, you get it's a massive tasting menu.

So you get like I don't know 15 16 dishes or something right yeah maybe even more yeah so this thing's constantly coming and there's new things you never heard of we had bear on that day as well there was a bear dumpling what there was a bear dumpling you've been there looks gonna cry yeah bear dumpling which is like little dumpling and then with a little picture like a picture of a bear on the top there was the duck brain and actually the best dishes were the veg dishes which

you know yeah they were tasty

yeah you would think that yeah and it did they were just normal veg as well that they've done really well It wasn't like a carrot that had been up a rabbit's ass or anything.

It was just like normal veg, cruelty-free, you know.

Rabbits like carrots too much to stick them.

They're eating them.

They're not sticking about their ass.

I'm not saying they were doing it.

I was one of the chefs, I'd imagine.

Yeah.

Oh, thank you for this afternoon.

I don't know where Lazarus.

I haven't did it.

I haven't laughed like this today.

That's good.

That's good.

We're almost as funny as the ginger guy in the background.

Turns out you don't need him to have laughter.

There's no laughter without James and Ed.

Well, we're moving on to your dream side dish now.

You know, Calamari.

Calamari, yo, you can wake me up any time of the day or night and say, let's go.

It's, I don't know, there's something about calamari.

It's the taste in it.

I'm not, and I'm not, I'm not, you know, like I'm a seafood person or anything of that sort, but it's, it's calamari and I don't want it battered.

Oh, really?

Just the, the, like the squid rings.

Yeah.

You know what I mean?

It's when it's, you know, try and bite it and you can't get it through it.

And it.

Oh.

So who's in your mind, who's waking you up in the middle of the night with a bowl of calamari?

Who would be the best person?

Ideal person to wake up in the middle of the night with a bowl of calamari.

Should be somebody you love, isn't it?

Yeah.

Well, it should be, but according to you, you just eat the calamari straightway, so it actually doesn't matter who it is.

So it could be a robber.

If a robber broke into your house and wanted to distract you while they stole everything, they'd just wake you up and go, Johannes, calamari.

I'm like, what?

No, no, no, you know what I mean.

It would be love to, you know, to eat something from somebody that you actually like.

For sure.

You know what I mean yeah yeah yeah I guess you'd be less scared

than if it was a robber

so there's not there's not really much on is there a place where you've had the best just calamari as it is not fried like where you've a restaurant maybe where it's like this is the best version of this dish cape town oh yeah yeah

And I also found that place by Fluke, you know, we were lost.

A friend of mine, we were driving in the mountains and we ended up in this small well it's a village whatever you sort of speak and there was this just beautiful place just hanging at the at the top of the hill and I thought to myself okay what's happening I walked in there very unassuming but obviously they get their fish and everything right there

never tested anything like that so I've made it a thing that every time I go down to South Africa and I am in Cape Town.

I don't do Cape Town without going past Koikoi.

It's a must.

It doesn't matter what I'm doing.

Even if I'm there for two days, I'll take the drive.

Wow.

Sounds amazing.

Oh, my goodness.

I think it's also just how fresh it is.

And you know what I mean?

And they do everything in front of you.

And it is a family restaurant as well.

It's just beautiful.

And I always think it's the thing.

It's not even, sometimes it's not even about the food.

It's about the people, isn't it?

You know what I mean?

That cooks that food and that brings people together.

I don't know.

So it's quite simply prepared.

So it's not battered or anything.

No.

No.

Is it grilled or

it's grilled?

It's fried sometimes, you know, like just on open fire.

I'd love to take you guys to Grogwenich.

You may.

I want to know why is it that we trust, because I'm the same.

Why do we trust family-run restaurants so much?

I always like, when I see it's family-run, I'm like, oh, great.

But like, if my family run a restaurant, it'd be awful.

Yeah.

No disrespect to my mum, who is in the next room listening.

The lady can't cook.

She's a wonderful lady, but she's not a chef.

She's a brilliant cook.

He just winds her up.

Just tries to wind her up.

I've cooked one of her recipes before.

She's never exact about the ingredients that you need.

And it doesn't work out.

She was very exact about any.

And Ed didn't listen.

And he decided to get to just get whatever he wanted and put it in.

And it didn't work out.

And then he blames my work out.

I'm not specific enough.

No.

She said condensed milk and he got evaporated milk instead.

So yeah, there you go.

Same thing.

I can't take it anywhere.

Do you take him seriously?

I can't take him seriously with behaving like this.

Does your mama

let him get to her?

Well, I don't know.

I mean, that was doing a cook-along we did over Zoom during lockdown.

She didn't do another cook-along with him after that.

Let me tell you.

So maybe

I didn't do another cook-along with her.

She was inviting me all the time.

I didn't tell you this.

She didn't invite you all to.

She texted me every day going, what?

You should come and do another cook-along.

I didn't know that happened.

Blocked her number.

I didn't know that.

Blocked her number.

I didn't know they had to block my mum's number because she was asking to do cook-alongs so frequently.

Sorry.

I'm learning this for the first time.

No, listen.

I can't hear her objecting from the next ring, so I guess it happened.

Don't stop, Mark.

Can you hear this?

No, I messed up.

Yeah, yeah.

Yeah, I messed up.

Still ate it, though.

Yeah, he still ate his awful ice cream that he made.

What famous family do you think would run the best restaurant?

Oh, good question.

And who would run the worst?

So I'm thinking of like, you know, the Osbournes.

No,

no, no.

You know who I would love to see in a kitchen?

Yeah.

Just for giggles.

It's the Kardashians.

Like, do they even work?

Well, in that regard, you know,

I'd love to see the Kardashians in a kitchen.

Can you imagine Kim Kardashian?

And they must also make tribe.

Yeah, yeah.

Do you want that for your dream menu?

The Kardashians are making it.

You said, which family?

No, I wouldn't want to talk about food.

No, no, no, no.

No, but it would be interesting to see some of people like, you know.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Also, it couldn't be one of those galley kitchens.

Their butts aren't fitting in there.

Oh, Ed.

I'm sorry, John.

i'm sorry that you had to hear that well their butts aren't fitting in a galley kitchen oh come on benito's having a write down this why it's a famously big butt it was on the cover of a magazine look how big it was what you're making that up it is making it

you remember the magazine the magazine cover with a champagne with a champagne and the glass was on her

bad because it was so big

so imagine that in a galley kitchen Is a champagne lasted to be on a butt in the galley kitchen?

Well, not for long.

Probably keep opening the fridge by accident.

It's called BBL.

Yes.

BBL?

BBL.

You know, yes.

Brazilian butt lift.

Wow.

No, I didn't.

I didn't know that.

And if you'd told me, guess what BBL stands for?

Yeah, I would not have got to Brazilian butt lift.

Yeah.

People go and have a

butler's kicked in.

Johannes's chair just broke because of his BBL.

You BBL'd that chair bedtime, Johannes.

Yeah, no, listen.

I'm an African boy.

I've got a bunda.

You've got to keep it in there.

But he knows now cost it out to cut all the stuff about the galley kitchen because he knows that I'm a South African boy.

I've got a bunda that's too funny.

So there you go.

Sorry, dude.

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Your dream drink.

And when you arrived here today, we had a lot of of choices of drink for you in the fridge you did and thank you for the champapo

Thank you for the champo.

Would that be your dream drink or would it be something else a prosecco

with a shot of Lai Chi

Divine or

a Ponsta Martinium.

Wow.

Okay.

This is good.

This is good.

They're sort of similar flavours, I guess, because there's you get a shot Prosecco with

a Poncell Matini.

Yes, Prosecco is my drink.

Yeah.

Yeah.

That will be consistent.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Because it gets me there quicker, man.

Oh, yeah.

Yeah.

Nothing else does than Prosecco.

Pon Santa Martini, I'm always unclear about what, because it's a shot of Prosecco, but what's the main drink?

Well, it's different things, isn't it?

But you do have syrup.

They've sometimes got granadilla.

They put a bunch of alcohol in it to come and stop.

Is it passion fruit as well?

Yeah, there is passion.

There is passion fruit and what else is in that passion that don't the one in soho he's the man that introduced me to a porn stamartini with a legend

absolutely a couple of years ago with your mother hammered the both hammered

hammered

drinking condensed milk

and a shot of evaporated milk afterwards what's the name do you remember the name of the place in soho that you have the pornstone martini and what's the name of that place

the obar the oba the oba in soho it's a very old

place but looked after very well the food is divine and the ponsta matinis don't taste like anywhere i've been and he introduced me to it and even responsible i guess i guess i guess everywhere i will go i mean if it's you know let's be honest you have to go to a

a posh establishment to get a ponsta martini or else it's just not ponsta martini yeah you know what i mean no i just just, yeah, it's an amateur ponstar martini.

Absolutely.

You know, you have to have bits in it.

Like a married couple have made it at home.

That's not cute, but no.

Yeah, that isn't cute, actually.

No, but I mean, for sequencing lychee, you would feel like you're drinking some exotic drink, if you know what I mean.

What is it like a Lychee?

Is it like puree?

Is it that they put it?

Actually,

liqueur, okay.

Yeah, there's a pink bottle.

I get it from Amazon.

You volunteer.

Because sometimes I go to Sainsbury's.

Yeah.

So you're making these at home as well.

This is your home drink.

Absolutely.

A hard day's work straight back for a lychee and Prosecco.

Prosecco, bit of mint, and you can use also sparkling water just to dilute it.

Yeah.

You're gone.

Try it.

Have you ever made a porn style martini yet?

No, I haven't.

Should probably learn what's in that drink.

whenever you refer to a porn star martini i know you love it but also you refer to it as like that drink like it's caused you some problems in the past it has

a few of those you lose all your inhibitions and yeah not my finest moments but i was out there on that freedom pole swinging

yeah i would be interested to hear why the why it's called a porn star martini yeah i've never known and also i've never had one definitely never ordered one because

i feel uncomfortable saying i would like a porn star martini why is that i'm a guess i'm a little bit of a prude no i'm always interested in that because a lot of guys would never and then they you know and then they taste it and they're like oh my gosh i've been missing out and i always ask is the shape of a glass is is that the reason why no No.

What's the shape of the glass?

You know the glasses that they use for porn star martinis.

They're a bit swanky, if you know what I mean.

Oh, I love a swanky glass.

If it was called anything else, well, not anything else.

I would have a porn star martini, but at home with my curtain shut, and then I'd get rid of the evidence before my wife got home.

I thought you were going to drink it with me.

No way.

She would say so.

She'd call it a porn star martini and then say, I was just having a beer.

Yeah.

You know, look like you were having a beer.

No.

Listen.

You must be very brave to be ordering porn porn star martini uh benito is showing me the wikipedia page for porn star martini he's taking safe search off to get this up um

it says a passion fruit flavoured cocktail made with vanilla flavoured vodka passion fruit juice passoa i'm not sure what that is lime juice traditionally accompanied by a chilled shot glass of prosecco created in 2002 by douglas ankra

and there's not that's not a hyperlink so i can't see what who douglas ankra is he's owner of lab london bar and uh the townhouse in London stop you want to tell me that porn star martini origin is from from the in it was inspired

inspired by a visit to mavericks review bar gentlemen's club a nude strip club in cape town south africa wow stop that is it's named after a strip club in south africa i didn't know we have strips up in clubs i have friends

which is amazing just review bars gentlemen's club one of your the i think your only dish so far that we didn't think was to do with south africa i know and there you go no wonder you love it you Every time you taste the porn star martini, you're tasting a little bit of home.

Also, in terms of the name, Ankra claimed he used the porn star name to evoke a stylish and confident drink that's pure indulgence, sexy, fun, and evocative.

Ankra also denied being a fan of pornography.

You can't have it both ways, Ankra.

You can't say it's sexy and confident and go, but I don't like that disgust.

I like porn.

What did you call the drink porn?

You invented one drink and you called it a porn salmatino.

I don't like it.

Disgusting.

Oh, please.

There you go.

So it's Cape Town again.

I thought it's going back to Cape Town.

That's quite exciting.

That's cool.

I'm being serious.

I never knew that we had strip clubs in South Africa.

There you go.

There's a strip club in Ketman for a very short amount of time.

Oh, yeah.

Yeah, yeah.

Very short amount of time.

What did you do to go shut down?

I refused to dance anymore.

We arrive at your dream dessert.

Do you have a sweet tooth?

No, not really.

Okay.

So would you not normally have dessert then when it's

not I think it's too much?

Well, of course, if this is your dream, this is your dream restaurant.

So if you don't want dessert, you can just skip dessert or have something else in its place.

But if there is like a dessert that you really like, then obviously pick it because it's dessert time.

but no pressure

if you don't want dessert you can pass or you could have if you want something else savory we could give you that i've never actually a savoury dessert yeah or just ridiculous you know you could have like a cheese board or just an extra savory course at the end instead if you don't really want anything sweet

i mean listen i wouldn't listen a malva pudding has never hurt anybody yep You know what I mean?

It's common.

You find it everywhere.

You can never get it wrong.

Which pudding?

Malva pudding.

Yeah, what's Malva pudding?

Honestly, you need to get some sort of medal because so many of the foods here.

You've stumped us.

You've stumped us with.

Pretty much all of them.

What's the Malva pudding?

I don't know if the vocabulary to explain it, but that's what the bloody shit is.

It's fine.

Here we go.

Wikipedia to the rescue again.

Malva pudding.

It's named after a stripling.

It is of South African origin.

It contains apricot jam and a spongy caramelized texture.

A cream sauce is always poured over over it while it's hot.

It's usually served warm with custard or ice cream.

Is it like a cobbler, James?

Tell me.

It doesn't look like a cobbler to me.

It looks like

a treacly sponge.

For me, it looks a bit like a treacle sponge.

Yeah.

What is a treacle sponge?

But it's apricot jam.

Apricot jam.

And has a caramelized texture to it.

Sponge hot sponge cake.

Sounds delicious.

It is livine.

And when I say, you guys don't do marva pudding yeah i thought it's something

that would have taken from you guys no apparently not south african origin yeah so is the bonsta martini so yeah stop i have to say i mean we have adopted a lot of things from from you guys really yeah what we yeah what you find yeah you basically can find there as well what kind of stuff have you adopted from us everything i mean in the in your last uh thing When you were talking to Moose, actually, you guys had a conversation about Marmite.

And it's so true that

you don't go anywhere else in the world and find Marmite, don't you?

Yeah.

And where people actually eat it,

people eat in Marmite here.

And I'm always like, why?

Yeah.

You don't like it.

Just, I think it's horrible.

I think it's horrible.

But I guess it's that thing as well.

It's either you do like it or you don't.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Yeah.

That's the phrase.

Yes.

Yeah.

All right.

Either you do like it or you don't.

Yeah.

I think I love marmite.

but I've always had Marmite since I was a little kid.

So I think

you need to be taught to like it.

And then also now I see it as a point of pride that I love Marmite.

So when anybody outside the UK says, why do you eat that?

It's disgusting.

I'm like, I like it because I like it.

It's delicious.

Or he's spreading it on his duck brains.

Yeah.

That would work, actually.

Stop.

It would.

And I spread Marmite thick as well.

Like I used to spread it like an inch, an inch thick.

You can just speak your mind to him at this point.

Yeah.

It's because like, he's deliberately trying to crush you out.

I don't know, I honestly don't know,

no.

I love Marmite, I love all the Marmite produce that they make, the Marmite cheeses, Marmite butter, Marmite peanut butter, Marmite chocolate.

That's the thing, Marmite chocolate is good.

Marmite chocolate's good.

Where do I live?

Where have I been?

I can't believe I'm going to be responsible for Jahanna's leaving the country.

Where do I live?

Where do I live?

Nothing serious, right?

I'm sure there must be a creation, but who makes chocolate?

The Marmite chocolate.

The Marmite, they make chocolate.

Yeah, and then there's also, there's a chocolateer called Paul Young who

occasionally makes like these chocolates with Marmite in them, but that's like.

Camden?

He might have had a place in Camden at one point.

He does Saturday Kitchen all the time and stuff.

Oh, okay.

Yeah, he's the ginger guy that sounds in the background.

If only show needs them, every show needs a ginger guy in the background.

Oh, you kill me, you know.

Then, oh, no, no, he makes fantastic stuff, and he's done

actually.

And I love Marmite, was slightly too much.

They're for proper Marmite lovers, which are like chocolates with like a big glob of Marmite in the middle.

So you bite into them instead of caramel, it's Marmite.

It's not, it's not for beginners.

No, I can't.

Oh, I bet

quiet taste.

Paul, now that you said it's Paul, we did it.

I mean, I would love to just put my tongue on it.

Yeah, he makes good stuff.

He does.

Yeah, he does.

He does.

He does.

He does.

I'm going to read your menu back to you now.

See how you feel about it.

You want sparkling water.

Yeah.

Pop-ums about you.

You want focaccia with olive oil and salt and the vanilla latte made by the beautiful lady.

Starter, fetcook.

Vet cook with snook fish and poloni.

Main course tripe, samp and beans.

Side dish calamari.

Drink Prosecco with a shot of lychee, liqueur, and dessert, malva pudding.

That sounds like a dream.

That's good.

Also, love episodes where I'm introduced to loads of new things to try.

Yeah.

Looking forward to trying some of that.

I'm taking you guys to Queque, don't worry.

Yeah.

Take us to South Africa.

Yeah, next time you go.

Ed and I, I mean, you know, don't take Ed anywhere near any duck ponds or anything.

You can take me anywhere.

I want to eat the tripe.

I'll eat anything.

I'll eat Malva pudding.

I'm up for all of it.

Okay.

That's no text, though.

Sorry.

Thank you so much for coming to the dream restaurant, Johannes.

I can't tell you guys how thank you so much for having me.

Thank you, Johannes.

Well, there we are.

What a delight that was, James.

Oh, thank you, Johannes, so much.

What a journey.

What an education.

We learned about so many different dishes we'd never heard of before.

And you didn't say sparkling Thameswater.

Thank you very much.

Thank you very much for not saying that.

Once we were through the water course, we were pretty much home-free.

Yeah, I was relaxed.

I knew that that wasn't going to come up.

Yeah.

I mean,

I think from now on, whenever something happens that I'm not sure about or that I don't like, I'm going to say, where do I live?

Yeah, where do I live?

Where do I live?

Where do I live?

Fantastic.

Really loved it.

Loved it.

Yes, yeah, an absolute dream.

Thanks for coming on.

Thanks so much to Johannes for coming on.

Of course, you can see Johannes' new tour, House of Jojo, very, very soon.

Go on to Johannes-Live.com for more details about the House of Jojo, which is coming to a town near you, I guess, depending on where you live.

Or you might be in the town.

You might be in the town.

You might actually work at the theater.

Maybe it's the city.

Yeah.

Maybe it's the city.

Maybe.

I mean, a lot of different people listen to this.

Maybe you're Johannes are listening to this, in which case you don't need to buy a ticket.

Yeah, you're going to be there every night.

Don't even worry about it.

Yeah.

Thank you very much for listening to the Off Menu podcast.

We will see you again next week.

Goodbye.

Goodbye.

Hello, I'm Carrie Add.

I'm Sarah.

And we are the Weirdos Book Club podcast.

We are doing a very special live show as part of the London Podcast Festival.

The date is Thursday, 11th of September.

The time is 7pm.

And our special guest is the brilliant Alan Davies.

Tickets from kingsplace.co.uk.

Single ladies is coming to London.

True on Saturday, the 13th of September.

At the London Podcast Festival.

The rumours are true Saturday, the 13th of September, at King's Place.

Oh, that sounds like a date to me, Harriet.