Ep 223: Mathew Baynton (Live in London)

James, huge news from the world of off-menu and indeed the world of the world.

Yes.

Ever heard of the Royal Albert Hall?

I have.

We've done live shows there.

And guess what?

We're doing more live shows there next year.

Sure, a lot of them are sold out already.

But we thought, hey, throw these guys a bone.

Let's put on one final Royal Albert Hall show in that run.

The show will be on Monday, the 16th of March.

It's going to be a tasting menu, a returning guest coming back, receiving the menu of another previous guest.

Those shows have been a lot of fun.

We cannot wait to do them live.

Who will we pull out of our little magic bag?

You'll have to come along on the 16th of March to find out.

If I'm correct in thinking, presale tickets go on pre-sale on the 10th of September.

Pre-sale tickets are 10th of September at 10 a.m.

And then the general sale is 12th of September at 10 a.m.

So if you miss out on the pre-sale, don't forget general sale is only two days later.

The day in between is for reflecting.

Get your tickets from royalalberthall.com Hall.com or offmenupodcast.co.uk.

We get it.

It's more important than ever to get the most out of your money.

Options are key.

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Terms apply.

There's the part of me that everyone sees.

I'm Howie Mandel, the comedian.

Apparently, I know what funny is.

Funny bought me a house, but I also know what isn't funny, OCD.

I've lived with OCD my entire life and people throw the term around like it's no big deal.

But OCD is severe, often debilitating.

It's a mental health condition that involves unrelented, unwanted thoughts that can make you question your character, your beliefs, even your safety.

General therapy can help with some things, but for OCD, it can actually make things worse.

That's why I want to tell you about No C D.

No C D is the world's largest treatment provider for OCD and is covered by insurance for over 155 million Americans.

Their licensed therapists specialize in ERP, the most effective treatment for OCD.

If you think you might be struggling with OCD, go to nocd.com to book a free 15-minute call.

They are here to help.

Suffs, the new musical has made Tony award-winning history on Broadway.

We demand to be home.

Winner, best score.

We demand to be seen.

Winner, best book.

It's a theatrical masterpiece that's thrilling, inspiring, dazzlingly entertaining, and unquestionably the most emotionally stirring musical this season.

Suffs, playing the Orpheum Theater, October 22nd through November 9th.

Tickets at BroadwaySF.com.

Well, here we are back again with another live off-menu tour show, James.

And we're back in the Royal Albert Hall.

From our residency.

Our residency.

The final and second night of our residency at the Royal Albert Hall, recorded on the 10th of October, 2023.

As always, blah, blah, blah.

There's callbacks for the first half that might not make sense if you weren't there, but it doesn't matter.

It doesn't matter.

It don't matter.

Matthew Baynton was our guest.

Oh, the brilliant Matthew Bayton.

People very excited for Matthew Bayton to come on the show.

Rightly so.

I mean,

ghosts, I think the fan base of ghosts.

Yes.

I think crosses over with the off-menu podcast.

Crosses over the realms.

Crosses over the realms.

Oh, the secret ingredient is Corgette Sauce.

Which was a callback to an audience member's menu, I believe.

Ah, there you go, you see.

So, there's an example of something that we listen to our audience.

Yes, we do.

And that'll be my intro to the actual podcast.

It'll probably be a callback as well.

But look, it was a great night.

Sorry if you weren't there, but hopefully, you can really get an idea of how much fun it was at our residency at the Royal Abbott Hall.

Yes, here is our residency at the Royal Abbott Hall.

Ed and I talking to Matthew Benton.

Welcome to the off-menu podcast, taking the oats of conversation, pouring in the golden syrup of humor, putting it in the flapjack tin of the internet, and but no.

Well, I don't like being reminded of flapjacks, I didn't know you were going to do it.

Yeah, you see what I did there when I riffed it.

That's how you make a fucking flapjack, mate.

Not in my book.

Anyway, and it's the podcast flapjack.

Yeah, that's dumb right.

Podcast flapjack, motherfuckers.

That's it, Gamble.

My name is James A.

Caster.

Together, we own a dream restaurant and we invite a guest in every single week.

We ask them their favourite ever start and main course side dish and drink and dessert.

Oh, not in that order.

Oh, man, it's going to be really good.

Ever.

And today, our guest is

Matt Benton.

Very excited indeed.

We're both huge fans of ghosts.

We're very excited that Matt is here to chat to us tonight about his dream menu.

So, James, without further ado, this is the off-menu menu of Matt Speckington.

James, what are you doing?

Yep, sorry.

Hi, yeah.

Hi, Matt.

Sorry,

we want to get rid of drugged up, James, and now we want the genie.

So,

oh, I can't begout this gate up to rub it, so you'll have to imagine that you're rubbing the lamp.

Just imagine it in your minds.

Should I rub it?

Maybe, actually, maybe Matt should rub it.

Okay, the traditional rub lamp of just the lip of the lamp there.

As we see it in all the...

Oh, it's working though.

Welcome, Matt Bainton, to the Dean Master.

I'm expecting you for some time.

Thank you for having me.

Incredible that it's like you've rubbed a lamp before.

You rubbed the end and then just got the fuck out of there.

Yeah, I thought I sort of anticipated something.

Lamps traditionally have things pop out of them.

Yes, it would have been amazing if nothing had happened.

Happens to that, anyway.

Where do you think genies fit in with ghosts?

Good question.

How do genies get on with ghosts, Matt?

As an expert?

Well, neither of them exist.

So I guess they've got that in common.

I just heard people's hearts break when you said that.

Wow.

Don't believe in them.

Don't believe in them at all.

When you write a show about ghosts you realize that it doesn't fucking make any sense.

None of it adds up.

None of it.

They can walk through walls but they stay on the floor.

What the fuck is that?

Like what surfaces mean anything to them?

Yeah.

How exactly the writing process with the rest of the guys did you stand up in the writer's room and go, none of this fucking makes sense.

We say it every morning when I wake up.

You also was telling us backstage that that's how you feel about horrible histories as well.

You said, none of it.

You said,

you said,

none of that fucking happened.

None of it's true.

Definitely not.

None of those people existed.

Yeah,

as part of the mainstream media conspiracy,

I was well aware of what we were trying to foist on the children of the nation with horrible histories.

Are you a foodie, Matt?

Would you just call yourself a foodie?

I love food, but I wouldn't call myself a foodie in the sense that, like, I've listened to you guys doing your selections with Rylan and like picking skin.

Yes.

I'm not.

I've been to some sort of, you know,

classy joints and I've never really had a satisfying meal.

I've never

really taken with like tasting menus and things that are sort of this big and like science food.

Science food?

Yeah.

Yeah.

So hang on, what do you believe in?

Ghosts?

You know where they have to pick up

where they have to pick up something with a tweezer.

If you've got to do that,

then I don't think I'm going to love it.

I like a big, I'm a greedy boy and I eat a lot and I like a big hearty dish.

That's I think you can still be a foodie and like a big hearty dish.

Okay, well then I'm a foodie.

I know what you mean by science food.

Heston stuff.

Yeah, yeah.

Those kind of meals where it's like seven, eight courses and they're all really small and there's like little jellies in between things and you're like, no, give me a big fucking bowl of something nice.

So if you next time you go to a tasting menu restaurant and they say w we'll be having twelve courses this evening, I want you to say, I'll have all those 12 courses, but put them in one fucking big bottle.

Yeah.

All looks the same coming out, doesn't it?

I want you to say that as well.

Off your bum?

Yes.

Yes, James.

We always start with still or spark in that.

Do you have a preference?

Can I have had a drink at the bar first?

Oh, yeah.

Yeah, fuck yeah.

Oh, a hack at the Royal Albert

Yes.

I love a cocktail.

I love a cocktail.

So yes, I would like one of my favourite cocktails, a vieux carré, please.

A what?

A vieux caré.

Let's hear it!

I don't know what that is.

No one?

I think they just like to recognise people.

Maybe.

A vieux.

A vieux caré.

A vieux carré is.

Take us through the Vieux Caré.

Fuck it.

It's just heaven.

It's a bit like a Manhattan.

You've got equal parts

rye whiskey, cognac, sweet vermouth, and then a little bit of Benedictine, which is like a liqueur made by monks.

Genuinely.

Yeah.

Is it?

It's kind of like herbal-y liqueur, quite sweet.

And then you get some Angasura bitters and some Peisho's bitters.

Serve that in one of those tumblers with a big massive ice cube in the middle.

It's just smooth and heavenly.

What I like about this is initially you've gone, I don't like the tasting menu shit, but everything in the bottom.

Yeah, and then put it together.

Then you've gone, but I'll be starting with a vieux caré.

Oh, I'm sorry, does nobody know what that is?

Oh dear, you got me.

He's done you there.

He's done me.

Ed's absolutely done you.

And this is.

Do you want that?

This is why I do this podcast.

I fucking love this guy.

He does people.

You slip up around him, he'll do you.

I do obviously like the sound of that.

That sounds amazing.

So, do you want that at the bar of the dream restaurant before you go through to the main restaurant itself?

Yes, please.

That would be lovely.

Did you say mites make it?

Sorry?

Did you say mites?

Oh my god.

Mite.

Mite.

I thought one of the ingredients was made by mites.

Like dust mites.

Uh...

No?

Well.

Would you like me to tell him what you actually said?

Yeah, go for it.

Are you still unaware of the misunderstanding here?

No, I know what you said.

He misheard us mites.

Yeah.

I'm questioning my own voice if it's possible to mishear what I said.

No, I absolutely heard you.

Wonderful diction.

Backing him up now.

You're fucking destroying him a minute ago.

Monks.

Monks.

Monks.

Monks.

Oh, that's way more interesting.

I'd argue mites are

surprising.

Mites were...

You know, like, there's like coffee that a monkey eats and poos it out.

Yeah.

Oh, right, yeah, yeah.

I thought maybe that was the thing with the mites.

That they're like eating sugar or something something and then excreting like a liqueur.

But the monks do that, do they?

That might be what's happening at your fancy restaurants, but

I don't like science food.

Would you have that coffee?

The coffee that the...

That has been pooed.

Monkeys eat the coffee.

Yeah, and then they

poo it out and they use that as the coffee.

Does it really?

I mean, it must make a difference, I suppose.

Yeah, it makes it taste like shit.

Presumably not, or they wouldn't.

Very expensive.

There's the weasel one as well that's weasels sick it up.

Really?

What the fuck?

How do they make the weasels be sick?

Somehow, monkeys pooing

is less weird than weasels vomiting.

I should explain.

James was saying monkeys, not mighties.

Oh, that's.

I was confused.

I thought the mighties were doing it.

I feel as though the way I've always thought about that poo thing is that like the like if your child has sort of swallowed a coin or something and it just comes out in the poo.

Yeah,

it's like you can still clean the coin.

The coin is not now a poo coin.

Yes.

Like I presume that was how it worked with the coffee beans.

The coffee bean is still just a whole coffee bean.

It's not like mixed or been broken down in feces.

Got to be a bit of it on there.

I reckon there's a bit of it on there.

Yeah,

I wouldn't want to risk it.

Yeah, I wouldn't be like, give that a rinse, it'll be alright.

It's worth it.

I've never seen like pieces of sweet corn in my child's poo and thought, that'll be fine.

Yeah, you

use that tonight.

Rinse it off.

Wash it off.

Doing them in the colander.

Yeah.

Where'd you get those?

I thought we'd use them on the sweet corn yesterday.

Very economical.

Good money-saving tip.

The coffee's worth more, though, once it's been through the monkeys, right?

So

that would be like if your kids swallow 50p and then they shit out a quid.

I tell you what, if that were true, I'd have kids.

That'd be great.

Pay for themselves.

I'm going to return to my previous question though.

No, it's monks.

How do the weasels be sick?

Is it coffee or something else that the weasel eats?

It's guarantee the poo.

Yes.

Monkey eats it, they're gonna poo it out.

Yeah.

Weasel eats something, they're not necessarily gonna puke it up.

Do you put your finger in its mouth?

Don't think so.

I think you just need to pick a monkey that's like a proper legend.

Sorry, a weasel's like a legend and is gonna like get lashed on.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

I think they get pissed on it and then throw it up.

Is this am I dreaming?

I feel like I'm on stage at the Royal Albert Hall and you're talking to in the dream restaurant.

The weasel's vomiting.

I'm in the dream restaurant.

Tell you what,

you and me were walking down the corridors earlier and looking at some other things that have been on the Royal Albert Hall.

Yeah.

And we were doing it merely to make ourselves feel amazing about what amazing stuff has been on here.

But there's been a mic load of shit.

So I feel okay talking about this.

The weasels being sick.

So that's not even your water course.

This is pre-you're at the bar and then you're walking over to your table.

Have you drunk the whole thing at the bar?

yeah, I mean, yeah.

You enjoyed it.

I'll have another one at the table if it's going.

Yeah, if you want it.

It's your dream, man.

You know that thing where if you are in a place where you have a drink at the bar and then your table's ready and they're like, oh, your table's ready.

And then they've got a tray and they're like, pop your drink on there and I'll take it through.

I don't trust that.

I always say, no, I'll carry it through myself.

Yeah.

I'm worried they're going to drink some of it.

Oh.

But you're walking with them.

Don't trust them.

Okay, fine.

fine.

I just don't like that.

It feels like over-service to me, that I find that infantilizing.

If it's like.

Because you remember when your mother used to offer to carry your Via Carré?

It's like they don't trust you to not spill it or drop it on the way or something.

And I remember when my mother didn't trust me not to drop my Via Carré on the floor.

Do you have a preference between still or sparkling water?

Still, but I'm hardly going to drink any of it.

And that's why I'm so disappointed.

I've disappointed the Royal Upper.

Well, they went to applause.

It's just water, isn't it?

Yeah, yeah.

It's fine.

I'll have some of it to kind of measure out the booze.

In my dream meal, I will be drinking quite a lot of alcohol.

Yeah.

You know,

and it's fine if you don't like to do that.

Yeah.

Also.

But I didn't buy one second saying that.

Yeah.

And it's fine if you.

You're a wonderful actor, Matt, but not when it came to that moment.

Yeah.

And if you don't want to drink, that's fine.

You just ruined my whole fucking night.

You said to us backstage, you said, I hope there's no teetotal wimp heads in tonight.

How about this, right?

If you're still water.

Do you want ice?

Yeah, go on then.

Do you want it made by, will this make you drink more water?

The same monks?

Sorry, monks.

The same monks.

Yeah.

It got you.

Who made the drink for you?

I mean, how are they making water?

Well, have you heard of the monkeys who eat the coffee?

The monks drink the coffee.

So you're offering me monks piss.

Yes.

Yeah, they drink.

Or diarrhoea.

You said that like you didn't want to offend him anyway or diarrhea.

It could be either.

It's fine if you want to drink diarrhea.

Either could be liquid in a glass.

I'll have just water from a tap.

You want tap water?

Ah, well, then this begs the question: which tap, what part of the country

has the best tap water?

You know opinion.

You know, you can tell a guest's come in and wants to get through the water course as quickly as possible.

And you've spotted that and you're exploring.

He's really dwelling on it.

It's funny to me.

I mean,

medium hard.

Do you want to take that one up?

Don't think there's any need to, really.

Medium hard.

A monk could only dream of.

It's going to sit there and then at some point I'm going to realise it's still full and drink a little bit out of shame.

That's what the water is there for me in a meal, is that everyone else is drinking it, and at a certain point, I think, oh, I've had a lot to drink and I haven't had any water, and then I have a sip and it's boring.

Well, we have had guests before who've replaced the water in the water course with another boozy drink.

So if you have another drink that you want, you could hack it and replace the water with booze.

And when we say other guests,

we mean us twice.

Okay,

can I have another cocktail, please?

Yeah, same one?

No.

I'll have some gin with some elderflower liqueur and a bit of lime squeezed in.

Poblums or bread!

Pop blobs or bread, Matt Baton.

Poplums or bread!

Bread!

What kind of bread are we talking?

Okay.

I love bread.

Yeah.

Real bad.

And I could

conceivably have bread in sort of every course in various forms.

So it's a hard choice, is what I'm saying.

I'm going to go for a sourdough,

which there's a place in Holloway, I think it is, called Bread by Bike, and they also do it.

Yeah.

They also do it in a few other places.

And

it's the perfect sourdough.

It's the best one I've ever had.

I often find sourdough really dry.

People like the sourdough with a big open crumb where it's more holes than bread.

Yes.

And this is just like still a bit moist and it hasn't got those gaping big holes in it and it's fucking delicious.

And the crust is sort of

almost burnt in a way that's like almost caramelized and sort of sweet and chewy and beautiful.

Oh, I nearly shouted, take me to church then.

I'm so on board with this.

Yeah.

Fuck holes in sourdough.

I hate that.

I really hate it because, like, bread is, you don't, you want stuff on it.

Yeah.

So don't present me with something that you're trying to get a little bit onto the tiny ledge

of dough in the middle.

You end up buttering the plate.

It's really annoying.

Or you put things on and they all just fall into the holes.

If you try and make a sandwich with that stuff and then it's just in your hands,

fuck that.

May I say full respect to Ed there for pretending that he wouldn't eat a buttered plate?

Oh, look, I didn't say that.

I said I buttered.

It's happened multiple times.

I'll get a loaf of sourdough.

I'll be really excited about it.

I'll get a bit, toast it, put it on the plate, huge whacking great holes in it, put butter on it, lift it up.

It's mainly butter and marmite on the plate or whatever.

I'll eat the toast, then I'm licking up that plate like a dirty little kitten.

Is bread delivered by bike?

I think maybe they do.

So I discovered it in a market in a school playground that was there on the weekend.

Context.

Context, Matt has kids.

I do.

I have kids, and I think this was like pre-locks.

Lockdown.

They started like a market on a Saturday in a playground of a school and we used to site, and my kids were getting into cycling, and we used to cycle down there.

My daughter would be on the little seat in front of me, and then my son would be on his little bike, and it was lovely.

And we went there, and we found this bread, and it was lovely.

And then we also got a pot of really gorgeous hummus

and sat in the park and just

ripped chunks out of this bread and dipped it in the hummus, and it was beautiful.

That's a lovely story.

I wasn't expecting such a lovely story.

You'll be a nice guy, Marriage.

Sat there going, five pounds for bread is a lot though.

And you turned to your kid and you went, Shit in my wallet.

Shit in my wallet.

Wow.

The loveliest story.

I was cycling on my bike, and my daughter was on the handlebars, and my little boy was up front in his bike, and I saw some lovely bread, and he went and saw the price, and I was like, no,

you've got to shit in my wallet.

Real quick.

Sorry, man.

No, I can afford bread.

Yes.

Yeah.

So I didn't need him to shit in my wallet.

Not that day.

That sounds like delicious, but but you want butter on it, loads of butter.

I'm plant-based these days.

Yes.

Did someone boo?

Yeah.

Yes.

Fuck you, pal.

Some of my meal, spoiler alert, is going to be back in the days when I wasn't vegan.

Uh-huh.

More people have got bigger chicken than the vegan thing.

And I do miss, and butter is incredible, It's really not vegan.

So I'm going to, I think I'll have, if I can, I'll have that hummus as well.

Yes, absolutely.

Doing it at the end of the bike ride?

Yeah.

Yeah, in the park.

That could be nice.

I mean, although, probably don't want to have sunk two cocktails before that, but it's fine.

Slightly less nice memory now.

Ghost's actor says he would drink two cocktails than take his child on a bike.

Yeah.

Doesn't even wear even They're old enough that they can both ride their own bikes now, so I'd only be risking my own life.

You'd be all right.

Yeah, I'd just be leaving them without

a dad.

Yeah.

And with a memory, of course.

Yeah, I mean, maybe I'd.

I was going to say I'd come back as a ghost.

It's too.

You do a show called ghosts don't you yeah

I hate myself now ghosts there's some ghosts in that all from different types yeah

let's get into your menu proper your dream okay proper your dream starter

I want to give I'm gonna give an honourable mention if I may first absolutely respect nothing but respect

there's a there's an amazing place in in Stroud Green called J.

Krishna which

is a fucking incredible vegetarian, is it vegan or vegetarian?

I can't remember.

Indian restaurant and it's one of those places where the like

the decor is bad.

The service is

there's no service.

They give you a menu and a

piece of paper and a pencil and then at your own leisure you have to try and get someone's attention to say say, This is what we want.

And they come out when they're ready, but everything is incredible.

And there's a masala dosa that they do that is just incredible, amazing.

But I think because of what I'm going to have later, I'm not going to have that.

But I did want to give that a shout-out.

So, we've got the masala doser, as an honourable doctor.

Yeah, that's an honorable one.

But the one I'm going to go for is a restaurant that was local to me, which is sadly now closed.

One of those places where, after COVID, it just didn't reopen.

That was called Irvin Bar and Grill, that was weirdly Scottish-Italian fusion.

Nice,

but

that didn't survive the pandemic.

Yeah, well,

it was incredible.

And I had a starter there, which was it, doesn't sound great, but it was.

Yeah,

a fennel,

fennel and apple salad, which was, I don't know

what was in the dressing, but it was like shaved.

Keep going, Matt.

They were like

really

finely shaved

fennel

and apple.

And the sort of aniseed-y flavour of the fennel and the sweetness of the apple was incredible together.

And I don't know what was in the dressing, but it was incredible.

And I rarely ever care for salads particularly.

But this was amazing.

And a really good kind of, like, you could eat a lot of it and not feel too full for the rest of the meal.

And I'm sorry if you don't like fennel.

We actually haven't talked about it for a long time, have we?

Fennel's not really come up on the podcast for a while, but no, it's...

Hasn't come up in a while.

Talked about it with Dynamo.

That's how long it's been.

Yeah.

Dynamo called me fennel for the whole kid.

on call me Fennel for the whole podcast.

I didn't like Fennel.

And then I went on George Holland's show and George Holland was like, I heard that episode where Dynamo called you Fennel.

And he went, Dynamo's so funny.

He went, it's so funny to call you Fennel.

I was like, yeah?

It was like, yeah, yeah.

He could have called you Mr.

Fennel.

But he chose not to and just went with Fennel.

That's funnier.

Dynamo's really funny.

And then he walked away

it's my full conversation with Jules Holland

have you found have you had any fennel since that moment and enjoyed it sometimes it's snuck into stuff and the Finley shade thing makes me feel a bit optimistic because sometimes there can be a lit little bit in there I can always detect it yeah even if people don't tell me

there's fennels it's pretty distinctive yeah but sometimes it's so faint that actually it works and I can be like actually I like this and they've done well here.

Yeah, you won't like this.

It's fennel and apple.

Yeah.

There's very little else.

I really like the sound of that masala dosa.

That sounds delicious.

Well, I'm not choosing it.

But would you normally go for fennel?

This is so good that you're like,

even though fennel is disgusting.

I'm normally not that.

My dad sometimes makes a fennel risotto, and I like risotto, and I and I've just chosen in my dream meal a dish with fennel but I'm always a bit like that's too fennely.

Does sound too fennelly?

So no normally I'm not drawn to that but this salad was just amazing.

Really wakes up your mouth.

Yes.

Really wakes up your mouth after you've killed it with two big cocktails.

Yeah exactly.

Yeah.

James's name was fennel in my phone for a long time.

Fennel McMeatball.

Fennel McMeatball.

Yes, he called me that.

Sorry, mate.

It's not Fennel McMeatball anymore.

Thank you.

It's alright.

It's old bean now.

Old bean.

Because there's a new bean now.

He thinks that's funny.

It would take too long to explain.

You check your feed and your account.

You check the score and the restaurant reviews.

You check your hair and reflective surfaces and the world around you for recession indicators.

So you check all that, but you don't check to see what your ride options are.

In this economy, next time, check Lyft.

There's the part of me that everyone sees.

I'm Howie Mandel, the comedian.

Apparently, I know what funny is.

Funny bought me a house, but I also know what isn't funny.

OCD.

I've lived with OCD my entire life and people throw the term around like it's no big deal.

But OCD is severe, often debilitating.

It's a mental health condition that involves unrelented, unwanted thoughts that can make you question your character, your beliefs, even your safety.

General therapy can help with some things, but for OCD, it can actually make things worse.

That's why I want to tell you about No C D.

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You'll drink main course, Matt.

Can I have a pasta course, please?

Oh, yes.

Smooth move from Matt Bainson.

Yeah, that you're the first guest on this tour to invoke the pasta loophole.

Yeah, which is a loop.

That's not a type of pasta, but it should be.

Oh, yeah.

Some loopholes, please.

I love this.

I love that you've done a second hack.

Nothing but respect for it.

Everyone's going to be walking out of the Royal Albert Hall tonight, respecting you more than when they came in.

Good to know.

Including me.

I'm going to go for a caccio epepe.

Oh.

So we're going pre-vegan with this one.

Pre-vegan.

I have had, I went to a vegan Italian in Edinburgh, I can't remember the name, and they did a vegan caccio epepe that was pretty good, but

I'm gonna have the cheesy one.

And the genie's gonna make the cheese without any animals involved.

I can do that.

But it's gonna be exactly that cheese that would have had animals involved.

I can do that, no problem.

Pecorino, I think it is.

Pecorino, yeah, cache pepe.

Today,

my mum ordered something that had pecorino on it.

And they said not only is it obviously cheese with milk in, but they said there might be traces of the animal in it.

What?

That's what they said.

Mum bat me up on the steel.

They said.

the first time in podcast history that anyone's asked their mum to bat them up.

Is this because

they get the cow to eat the cheese and then shit it back out?

It's even better.

Traces of the animal.

That's what they've said.

They came because my mum was like...

Is this...

There's a bit of confusion over there.

Is it rennet?

Is it like Parmesan where they make it in something that's lined with guts?

Or maybe.

Is that what Rennet is?

Yes.

Hang on, what the fuck?

They're making parmesan in guts.

Yeah,

because parmesan was always one that even as a vegetarian you're like, oh,

I don't know if I can have that, but it's very nice.

I think you're thinking of parma ham.

I saw a man crack the top of a pecorino recently.

Huh?

You know they're massive, right?

The pecorinos?

Yeah.

Huge wheel.

And they're big wheel.

Yeah.

And they have to get the top off and they put all these tools in the side and then they turn all the tools and then there's a big crack and they crack the whole top off.

And I was watching that and I applauded.

And you get off.

You get off on that sort of thing.

I really got off on it.

When it cracked, I cracked.

I could tell.

Big time.

I mean, you couldn't describe something that's more up your street than seeing someone crack some cheese.

I bet you shouted cockadoodoodoo at the top of your voice.

Do you want to hear about the cacho epepepe?

I really do.

Tell me, tell me all.

I do.

I'd heard somewhere that it's like the test of a really good pastor chef is cacho epepe.

And I had no idea why, and I had never had it up to a point where I was in Los Angeles for the and it was the first time I'd been there and I had like a quite sort of dispiriting week of meetings with people that were aimless and didn't lead to anything.

And it was like the last day of this,

and I came out of this meeting really, really, really early.

And I had a car booked for like two hours later to take me to the airport.

And I was like, oh, fuck, I've got nothing to do.

And you can't walk anywhere in LA, or you can try, but it will will just be you and homeless people.

Everyone else is driving.

But there was a restaurant, like, on the block, so I thought, oh, fuck it, I'll go in there.

And Cacho Pepe was on the menu, and I thought, oh, I've heard that's sort of you find out if the chef's really good.

And it was just amazing.

And after that, it became a sort of thing of like, anywhere where it was on the menu, I wanted it.

Do the chefs know that you're testing them every time you order it?

I mean that's the case in any thing you order in a place.

I suppose so.

Be it the general idea is

I want to like it.

I guess I don't see my relationship with hospitality like that, that the chef better be on his fucking toes.

It's exactly chef.

Yeah, true.

I just

I kind of liked the story of it, like, that's meant to be the one that you can.

If you can nail that, you can nail anything.

And apparently it's all about the amount of, like, the liqu you know, the salty water that you've made the pasta in.

You've got to reserve a bit of that broth.

It's got to be just the right amount and just the right temperature when you add the cheese.

Can't be too hot.

Can't be too much.

It'll go watery too mu you know, not enough and it's just going to be kind of thick and gloopy.

You've got to get it just right and it's amazing if you do.

Every time you've had a catcher pepe in a restaurant, do you walk into the kitchen afterwards and go, you passed the test?

You

are the chef.

I think on that occasion, the first one I've had, I did actually say, can you tell the chef that was incredible?

That's good.

I don't think I've ever done that, you know.

Compliments to the chef.

Please tell the chef.

Now who's the asshole in the restaurant?

They know.

The thing is, when you guys go to a restaurant now, they must be thinking that.

You must be treated like food critics now.

Is that true for you, James?

Yes.

Every time I go to sir, especially if it's a dessert,

the place we went to today, the person came out, the shepherd said, Oh, this isn't an off-menu.

Thank you.

He went, Two Tim and Masseus?

Actually, he said, Do we want to Tim and Masseu?

And my dad went, Two, please.

That's just reminded me of a time I was at a cafe with Ben Wilbond, who's another

of the ghosts gang.

Does he believe in ghosts?

You'll have to ask him.

And

we ordered some food, and the waitress, when she came over, put the plates in front of us and went, couple of tarts.

And it was that on the edge that to this day it still comes up.

Do you think she meant

there was just momentary eye contacts?

Yes.

A couple of tarts.

She must just push it further and further every day, I think.

I think she's trying to get further.

To clarify, we had ordered tarts.

Yes.

That's an important thing.

We probably should have said that.

We had ordered tarts.

She didn't put down cachio pepper and go,

couple of tarts.

Couple of fucking slides there.

Did she mean to do that?

We have a similar thing in my family that we still talk about.

Because years ago, we went to, we used to live in Banbury.

And

we went back there as a family,

just to like, you know, old stomping around.

Went to this tea room,

ordered a round of Banbury cakes, what Banbury's famous for.

There's one lady working there, like oldest lady you've ever seen.

And she bought out all the Banberry cakes on a circular table, and she

gave them.

And then my brother was the far end, so she went, she went, Here's your Banberry cake, and then farted so loud

and then like claimed it as well.

So she went, Here's your Banbury cake.

Pardon me?

And.

Is that now what you say when you?

Yeah, here's your bamboo cake is still a thing in my household.

Do you say it before you fart?

Yeah, yeah.

Yeah.

Because also she was looking dead at him.

Yeah.

Here's your bamboo cake.

Fart.

It was so disrespectful.

My mum was like crying with laughter.

She hadn't even left the table yet because she's a very slow old lady.

So she's still like doddering round to leave and my mum's

streaming.

I'm going to spend the rest of this conversation fixated on trying to fart.

Yeah.

Yeah, yeah.

You won't be the first guest.

There's no, and there's There's no doubting what happened there.

It's not like the couple of tart situation.

That lady farted, she said, excuse me, and then she left the table.

Yeah, yeah.

There's no going, did she.

Yeah.

Did she just fart?

But no, but the analogy would be if she meant to say, here's your Banbury cake and then fart.

Like, if she meant to call it that.

But this will be funny.

But, yeah.

To say, here's your Banbury cake and fart.

And I'm guessing she didn't.

Guessing that she didn't, we all just thought it was was very funny, apart from my dad was very straight-faced and looking at us like, there's nothing funny about this.

Yeah.

Because your dad can't focus on anything if someone puts a fucking pudding down in front of him.

He's like, the cakes are here.

It's a no-laughing matter.

Yeah, right.

Every time there's a pause, it's the perfect.

Yeah.

You could just do a big fart.

No.

No,

I haven't got one.

Give it time, man.

Give it time.

Feel free.

We'll move on to your dream main course.

I love the pasta hack, tremendous.

Thanks for letting me have it.

The main.

I thought I should also, well, it's not because of this, it's because it's delicious.

But so much of vegan food, or a lot of what people think of vegan food, is like

replace the meat thing with something that's pretending to be it.

And there's so much food that is just great, that just already was, that is.

And so, for my main, if you'll let me can I have a vegan a vegan Ethiopian meal all in one all of the stuff

on the bread on the spongy bread all of it yeah on the injira yeah yeah yeah yeah the first time I had this was like a food stall in Greenwich Market like

Wow

All of Greenwich Markets turned up.

This was like 15 years ago.

I wasn't vegan.

I had Ethiopian food, and there was this stool there, just this one lady with this incredible array of stuff that smelled amazing, and I just thought, yeah, give that a go.

And it was the fact I'd never tasted any of it before was just like everything was mind-blowingly wonderful.

So if possible, I'd also can I have never tasted it before.

Oh good, that's great, absolutely.

Because there's something which is like, there's some things which are comforting, like I've eaten pasta all my life and cheese and stuff, up until a certain point.

But this was just so much, I still love it.

And every time I see an Ethiopian stall, I'm just fucking there.

There was a period we were writing ghosts, and we were right next to a place where there were food stalls, and I just had it every day and never got tired of it.

But I would love to not have ever tasted it before.

Can I ask a technical question about that thing?

Yeah.

So we can definitely do that.

I think that Genie can do that.

He can make sure you've never tasted it before.

Hence, erasing your memory of ever eating the Ethiopian food.

Yeah.

So how are you picking it for your dream menu if you can't remember it?

Wow.

I'm going to tattoo it on my

body.

Yeah.

Pick Ethiopian.

And you think you can interpret that message?

I just think Ethiopian foods.

On the off-menu podcast.

On off the off-menu podcast for your main.

Yes.

I mean, it's probably more of a back piece.

Yeah.

I mean, well,

I don't really need that.

I just ordered it, didn't I?

Then I evade your memory after.

So, do you want me to men in black yes?

So, yeah.

I've ordered it up front, and then when the food comes, you erase my memory.

So, when the food comes, you go, What the fuck is that?

Yeah.

Wow, the smell.

I go, What's that?

It smells amazing.

Yeah.

And then I eat it for the first time, and I'm in heaven.

Thank you very much.

I'm going to be sneaky, though, when I erase your memory of the Ethiogi food.

I'm also going to make it so you don't know who your kids are.

Fuck.

Didn't say he wasn't an evil genie.

Now I've listened to this podcast quite a lot.

I've not known the genie to do that sort of thing.

I'm mischievous sometimes.

Yeah.

I think I'll remember them from the bread course.

Maybe.

Well, you know, start of this you said genius don't exist, so now

I'm teaching you a lesson.

Shit.

Better be some good Ethiopian food, man.

Yeah.

Here's the thing, though.

What you've said about Ethiopian food, I relate to 100%.

It's so amazing.

It's incredible.

I've never had a bad version of it, ever.

Every time I've seen an Ethiopian restaurant, it's always that good.

And the first time I had it, it was like mind-blowing.

I was in Amsterdam.

My friend took me there.

It's like, this place on the corner.

And I remember like having it and being like, well, this is all I'm going to want now from now on.

It's so good.

I don't know what it is.

I think I just like, there are foods that I'd had before that resemble some of those dishes, but the spice, the combination of spices is different and it's, I just love it.

The bread's wild as well.

Yeah.

Spongy, slightly sour bread.

Yeah.

Putting everything on top of the bread.

Yeah.

Because I've seen it in restaurants where you just get a massive bit of bread and everyone is sitting around the bread and you all

get invited.

And then I mean that stresses me out in terms of sharing.

Very good.

If I'm doing that, I'm eating as quickly as possible to get to the middle of the bread.

I'm like just taking stuff from other people.

People like to share, do you?

Order your own.

Good food for a date as well, because you eat the bread, you go in.

It's like Lady in the Tramp, but you just end up shaking hands.

We're not going to go there, are we?

Ed's manager's on the box.

A lovely, great meal, thank you.

So take us through what's actually on there.

Well,

part of the thing for me, this is probably an awful confession of ignorance, but I just love that I don't really.

This is the other thing I love, like, one of the things I like to do when I go out is order food that I can't make.

Yeah.

And this is definitely in that category because I couldn't even tell you what the fuck any of it is.

Again,

100% with you.

Don't know what any of it is.

There are like lentil-based

stew-type things.

Is that a what?

Is that a what?

Is that a what?

Europe.

There's definitely something called what.

What?

I think you're thinking European.

Yeah, yeah.

There's something called a.

There's something called a what?

And the bread is called Injira, I know that.

Yeah.

Fuck, we really have erased your memory of it, haven't we?

After.

After that,

I don't know.

There's a cabbage-y thing that's incredible.

Yeah.

It's just all nice stuff.

I should have probably learned a bit about it when I was preparing to pick it it for a live podcast at the Royal Albert Hall.

Jigsaw dish, Matt?

This is going to be chips.

Do you want me to arrange your memories?

Do you know what chips are?

No, but I'd like you to reinstate the memory of my two dear kids.

Here's the thing.

I'm going to do that, but unbeknownst to you, I'm going to put two other people's kids at your head in Europe.

You're going to think they're your kids.

in fact earlier on I met a couple of brothers

boys

so for the side I'm taking my two lovely boys

down to the beach yeah

Brighton Beach there's a

There's a vegan fish and chips place called No Catch

Fuck me, that's a lot.

Great name.

And

it's lovely.

And the chips are lovely.

I've had lots of lovely chips in lots of lovely places, but I wanted to give that place a shout-out.

And I love chippy chips

with salt, vinegar, and a little tub of mushy peas to dip into as well, if I may, side by side.

Are chips vegan everywhere, though?

Or are they like double vegan at No Catch?

Well, at No Catch, the vegan stuff is like they do.

They do the battered stuff and things to it for that.

But I just want the chips for sad.

It'd be funny if No Catch is just

a place where they've got no fish because they're shit fishing.

Yeah.

It's just chips.

We fucking

up short again, we got nothing.

Yeah.

Like they just wrote that on the board one day because they didn't have anything and everyone thought it was really fucking cool.

That's cool, vegan, I like it.

We're just

vegan now because

Nigel's not bought any fucking fish back again, so it's a vegan place now.

We've got yesterday's heads, if you want that.

That's a good name as well.

I suppose.

Kind of band.

What makes these particular chips so good?

If they're a little bit crispy on the outside, very soft on the inside, they're chippy chips.

How much salt, how much vinegar, do you put on, Matt Bainton?

I'm putting

on a decent portion of chips.

I'm putting one of the little sachets of salt.

Just one.

That's enough.

Oh, how are we feeling about that?

You've got booed.

Sorry, you want do you want more salt?

Are we talking two sachets?

Here comes the arena comic again.

Three sachets.

Four sachets!

I think three sachets seems to be

the hit.

The consensus.

It's too much salt.

You're having too much salt.

But each to their own.

I can have one and you can have three.

These people hate you.

That became clear early on.

So vinegar?

Lots of vinegar.

Okay, right.

I've done this with guests before, so you're just going to have to tell me, I'm going to mind putting the vinegar in the bag,

and you have to tell me when to stop.

I'm the guy at no-catch.

Stop.

First of all, I thought it was going to be a...

Yeah.

No,

the guy

in my mind.

So if anything, I think you might have put too much vinegar.

Too much vinegar in.

So I'll do it by shakes.

Wanking off and stuff.

I've come.

Yeah,

it's good stuff.

You go in there, you say,

wank me off, no catch.

That's the.

You said, you said no catch.

You said no catch.

This was not their deal.

Just walk in and propose a deal yourself

and then say no catch at the end.

It's written above the door, no catch.

There's a deal for you.

You woke me up.

No catch.

That doesn't seem to be the catch, the fucking deal you just proposed.

It seems awful for me.

No catch.

I love the thought

of coming around proposing the worst ever deals to people and then at the end saying, no cash.

I eat this coffee bean, you eat my shit.

No cash.

Dream drink, Matt.

I've already had a couple, but

I sort of figure, I mean,

I'd like to have this meal with some friends.

I mean, some of it I'm sort of popping off and being in the park with my kids, I guess.

Well, yeah, different kids in the park, remember?

But I'd also like friends.

Yeah.

And we're all enjoying a drink.

And I like the thing of like having a cocktail before and then some wine during the meal.

James is going to ask you which friends you want there.

He would like to hear a list of friends.

I always like to hear, when people say with their friends, I like to hear what friends.

Okay, well, this is going to be unbearable.

When we film the TV programme Ghosts, we sometimes hire a private room in a restaurant and we all go out for a meal together.

In costume?

And it is.

No.

One of you definitely is getting turned away from me.

Card can see us.

Put some fucking trousers on me.

You've been coming in here.

Fun to be getting fucked up again.

Anyway, it's always fun, and I'd like that.

I'd like them.

The cast of ghosts.

I'd like the cast of ghosts to be there.

That's lovely.

And

I'd like Lolly to have plugged her phone in and put the music on.

Yeah.

And I'd like to be quite drunk.

And how are you getting drunk?

What wine are you drinking?

So the

drink with the meal, I remember that there's a white wine called Norton, I think, Torontos, that I first had when I was a student.

and it was in a like a downstairs jazz bar and I didn't really like wine but I used to drink

in 1927?

Jack Kerouac, I bet.

I've been dead for 200 years.

I sort of pretended to like wine for a while,

but then this wine was the first one I had where I was like, that's fucking lovely.

I don't like Chardonnays and those kind of yellow wines I would describe them as.

I usually like a dry, crisp wine.

That's usually the kind of wine I'm like.

Refreshing citrusy.

And this is sort of like that, but it's also got floral, got a really floral thing going on.

And I just remember thinking, and we were in a jazz bar pretending that that was the sort of thing we did.

And it felt really grown up, even though we were still kids.

And that whole feeling, always, when I drink that wine now, that's a sort of lovely sense memory.

Kind of became the voiceover of a biopig of your lifetime.

We were in that jazz bar and we realised.

In that jazz bar, pretending we liked wine and pretending we liked jazz.

None of us knew why we were there.

We were only kids.

How much of this wine are you drinking?

How much white wine do you reckon you can put away?

Because I go mad.

If I have more than like three glasses of white wine, I go bonkers and turn into a white wine witch.

Right.

Tops off.

Yeah, I mean,

I'd put away.

two or three glasses, I think.

Yeah.

But I'd be sort of, I'd be half a mind on having another drink at the end of the meal.

So, okay.

So that we've got.

This is where the water does come into play.

I would be drinking water just to kind of keep it diluted a bit.

Yeah.

But with my genie powers, I can make sure you don't get.

I know, because you want to be drunk.

I do sort of want to be.

I can keep you the perfect amount of power.

Perfect.

Amazing.

Yeah.

The whole thing, you don't even have to bother with the water then.

Great.

Out of everyone in the ghost cast,

who, when you're all having a drink, are you keeping an eye on to be like, they're about to kick the fuck off?

The caveman, I'd imagine.

Martha Howe Douglas.

Yeah.

No question.

And she is here.

We arrive at your dream dessert.

I'm very excited because it's been a lovely menu so far.

I love the thought that's gone into it.

I love the hacks.

You have seen me become nostalgic about my cheese days, though.

Oh, yeah.

Ooh.

Oh, it would be a real shame

for me to have to erase the memory of your wife as well.

Are we going vegan for the dessert?

Well, I think it probably

not, but the genie's going to sort of sort it out, so it's fine for me.

Genie will make it.

Yeah.

This is going to be full-on nostalgia again.

I mean...

I'll come out and it's a custard doughnut.

Lovely.

Lovely.

When I was a kid,

we used to go on holiday to Italy quite a lot.

My dad used to work there and he used to take us across there in the summer.

And in the mornings we would go down to the what do they call them?

The little beach?

No, in France, shop.

Like in France.

It's the shop.

I erased a lot more than I.

What do you call them in Italy?

My mind's got a lot of people.

I went crazy with the erasing of the memories.

But you know how in Italy they'll have the sh the shop will also do the do espresso and will also have like pastries and stuff.

There's a word for it anyway.

Coffee shop.

Okay, coffee shop if you want to say that.

Yes, sounds lovely.

And he'd get a coffee and there'd be one of those glass display cabinets of amazing cakes and pastries and treats and there was one that used to make me and my brothers titter called Krapfen Con Kremer because it had the word crap in it.

Yes.

Yep.

But what it was was an amazing custard doughnut sort of dusted with icing sugar and I still just fucking love a custard doughnut.

Yeah.

So I can't like there's so many desserts that I love

but if I'm honest that just I could never ever ever say no to a custard doughnut.

Well I love it because A it's nostalgic.

You've got the nice memories of being with your family and tethering with your brother.

That's very nice.

I mainly want to know how full of custard the doughnut is.

Yes, right.

Okay, I'll mime piping in the...

Oh, God.

No catch.

Here we go.

No catch.

Yep.

I'm piping in the custard.

Ah.

That's a lot of custard.

That's a fuckload of custard, that.

That's good, though.

It says more custard than donut.

Do you want it to squirt?

My mum and dad might listen to it.

Savored out, but haul man.

I was asking, you know, when you bite, it's like really full, the doughnut, and you bite in and it squirts.

Custard.

I.

But I want there to be enough of the

lovely,

springy, doughy dough.

So not too full.

I want there to be a bit of custard in every mouthful, but mostly doughnut.

Alright?

Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

I respect that.

I'm not a doughnut guy.

I don't like a doughnut.

What?

Why do you not like doughnuts?

Well, it's just the same family as Yorkshire puddings, isn't it?

Boring.

Right.

Honest to God,

but I've never heard this opinion from him before.

How often do you see me with the dagger in?

How often do you see me with a doughnut?

I've seen you eat doughnuts.

When?

Name the time.

Well,

don't go around logging it down whenever you've eaten a doughnut, but like...

You're supposed to love desserts.

You should be logging every time I have a doughnut.

I've definitely seen you eat a doughnut, man.

And you didn't look too unhappy about it.

And you're saying that same family as Yorkshire puddings, but your main problem with Yorkshire puddings is it takes up too much real estate on the plate.

But donut is just a donut.

You rarely have it with anything else, so that's not an issue.

Would this help?

I had a dessert recently in Scotland in a place called Mono, and

it was a doughnut ice cream sandwich.

It was fucking lovely.

It was a doughnut cut in half with vanilla ice cream and then like hot chocolate sauce.

That would help.

I'll have that.

That is great.

It was nice.

Would you do that with if I could get a custard doughnut?

Look, you love Italian Scottish fusion, so you should love this.

Yeah.

If I get the custard doughnut from Italy

and I'll cake it to, what would you call it, Mono?

Yep.

And they make the ice cream sandwich out of it.

Out of that.

With the custard as well.

Would you.

Oh, but then you've got custard and ice cream.

Uh-huh.

That's not a problem.

I feel like that's an either-or, isn't it?

Oh, sorry.

Apparently not.

Oh, sorry.

I have learned so much.

Now I've got money and looks.

Like, it's two good things.

Ice cream's basically frozen custard anyway, isn't it?

What the fuck?

Is it?

Well, hey,

same family.

I know you don't like science, Matt.

But this is what you get on this pod.

Do you think it'd be too much if we made that?

Yeah.

You just want the donut.

You want the customer?

I think that's the pure thing.

Yeah, the crap fun con crema.

Do you want you and your brother to titter after one together?

Yeah, I want to have to order it and giggle a bit

when I say crap.

Do you want us to erase the memory of you having seen it so you and your brother can experience that for the first time together?

Just don't delete my fucking kids, please.

I'm actually going to replace your kids in your memory with the kids from the others

and you will think they're your kids those two others kids who are ghosts at twist

quick question can we start again do you and your brother look like brothers oh yeah can i tell if you were standing next to your brother do you think i'd be able to tell that's your brother well no you wouldn't

I'm going to read your menu back to you now, Matt, see how you feel about it.

Can I also have a drink at the end?

Yes.

Just quickly, just can I get a

shot of a nice Amaro?

Yes.

Thanks for watching.

One person in the front.

One person.

Yeah, you can have it.

Thank you very much.

I don't actually know what Amaro is.

It's like a.

At the end of this description, can you describe it and then say that's a Maro.

It's an Italian bitter liqueur.

That's a morrow.

You would like?

A drink at the bar.

View Carré.

Vieucaré, yeah, thank you.

Water, gin with elderflower liqueur and a bit of squeezed limes.

Popped on some bread, sourdough from bread by bike with hummus at the end of the bike ride in the park with your children.

Starter.

Fennel and apple.

Fennel and apple salad from Irvin Bar and Grill.

Pasta, catch your pepe from the LA place?

Yeah, the local, I think it was called.

The local.

Yeah, I'll have it from there.

Main course.

A vegan Ethiopian meal, all in one, on injira,

and you want to have never tasted it before.

Erase your memory.

But not my kids.

Listen, man.

I didn't say there'd be no catch.

You actually said that several times.

I didn't say it.

No about that.

Side dish, chips with one sachet of salt.

Find three!

Lots of vinegar and a tub of mushy peas from No Catch in Brighton.

Drink.

Norton Toronto.

Torontes.

White wine.

Dessert.

The custard doughnut from Italy.

Laughing at it with your brother.

And a digestive at the end, a shot of Amaro.

The menu of Matt Bounton.

Thank you.

Thank you very much.

Matt Bainton, everybody.

Thank you so much for coming.

It's our second one up a whole show.

You've been absolutely amazing.

Thank you.

Well, there we are.

Brilliant Matthew Bainton.

And Matthew is currently starring in the Royal Shakespeare Company's production of A Midsummer Night's Dream in Stratford-upon-Avon until the 30th of March.

You can buy tickets at rsc.org.uk.

That's how highbrow our guests are these days, James.

Man, Shakespeare in Stratford-upon-Avon.

Yeah.

The home of the bard.

Yeah.

I bet there's loads of ghosts there as well.

I'll be busting them.

Oh, yeah.

James is a ghost buster now.

In all good cinemas, Spring 2024.

Springleaf.

Springleaf.

Thanks for listening.

We'll be back next week with another live show from the tour.

Bye.

Bye.

We get it.

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It's a theatrical masterpiece that's thrilling, inspiring, dazzlingly entertaining, and unquestionably the most emotionally stirring musical this season.

Suffs playing the Orpheum Theater, October 22nd through November 9th.

Tickets at BroadwaysF.com.

Hello, I'm Carrie Add.

I'm Sarah.

And we are the Weirdos Book Club Podcast.

We are doing a very special live show as part of the London Podcast Festival.

The date is Thursday, 11th of September.

The time is 7pm.

And our special guest is the brilliant Alan Davies.

Tickets from kingsplace.co.uk.

Single ladies is coming to London.

True on Saturday, the 13th of September.

At the London Podcast Festival.

The rumours are true.

Saturday, the 13th of September, at King's Place.

Oh, that sounds like a date to me, Harriet.