Ep 200: Ed Gamble and James Acaster (with special guest genie Rylan Clark)

James, huge news from the world of off-menu and indeed the world of the world.

Yes.

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The show will be on Monday, the 16th of March.

It's going to be a tasting menu, a returning guest coming back, receiving the menu of another previous guest.

Those shows have been a lot of fun.

We cannot wait to do them live.

Who will we pull out of our little magic bag?

You'll have to come along on the 16th of March to find out.

If I'm correct in thinking, presale tickets go on pre-sale on the 10th of September.

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So if you miss out on the pre-sale, don't forget general sale is only two days later.

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Welcome to the Off Menu podcast, slicing the bagel of the internet, spreading the cream cheese of humor, and layering on the smoked salmon of friendship.

James, big day.

Big Day, you're 200 years old, Ed.

I'm 200 years old today.

You're 200 years old today as well.

Bonito's 200 years old today.

We're all 200 years old, which means it's time for our 200th episode of Off Menu.

Wow.

What has happened, man?

What do you mean?

Well, people said we would only do 10.

No, you said that.

You thought that we'd only do 10.

And

we've done 190 episodes more than you thought we would do.

That's crazy.

Yeah.

I mean, I think we'll all agree, if you listen back to them, I only prepared enough anecdotes for 10.

Absolutely fair.

Yeah.

But here we are.

We're giving you our menus.

And you might be thinking, oh, on the 100th episode, you did your menus with Claudia as a genie.

Well, we've decided to do them again.

And every 100th episode, we'll do our menus because

we're human beings.

We change.

It's a nice marker in our lives as well.

Yeah, it is.

We shift, we change.

We shift, we change.

And, you know, our tastes change, our taste buds evolve.

Yeah.

Also, there's stuff, you know, on the last one that we probably couldn't fit on the menu that maybe we can put on there now.

I don't know.

I don't know how you've done yours.

I'll just get in there.

Yeah, I mean, I don't know how you've done yours.

It's always exciting, you know?

So I'm pretty happy with my menu.

I've really enjoyed putting mine together.

Yes.

I'm quite excited about it.

I think it's more organized than the last one was.

Okay.

Well, we've got a special guest genie.

Of course we have.

Yes.

Obviously, with our last one, Claudia Winkleman was our special guest genie.

Yes.

So we have a new special guest genie for episode 200.

We always choose a previous guest.

He's had a particularly popular episode.

Maybe someone with a little bit of broadcast experience here and there thank you uh so for today's episode our special guest genie for episode 200 is Rylan Clark Rylan Clark a huge episode of off menu yep everyone loves Rylan's off menu episode uh a nice menu but also his mum phoned halfway through and that was uh i don't remember a single thing that was on his menu i remember he ate some pies I remember having a brilliant time and I remember him speaking to his mum.

Yeah.

And I remember his mum worrying that he he hadn't picked up his phone and that someone had killed him and chopped him up and put him in his cupboard.

Yeah, yeah.

I remember that.

Yeah.

I thought he was dead in the gym.

Yeah.

We'll see.

Maybe it's your phone again this time to say happy 200th birthday to us.

Who knows?

But this is exciting, man.

Yeah.

It's a gratifying experience.

Sorry to everyone who, you know, was hoping on the 200th episode we would do the Great Benito's menu.

He's point blank refused.

That will simply never happen.

Yeah.

And, you know, to be fair, I don't think you'd enjoy it anyway.

No.

I don't think you'd pick very good food.

Well, he's a vegetarian.

He doesn't like mushrooms.

Yeah,

it'd be very, very boring.

It'd be a little falafel.

He doesn't know what he wants.

He doesn't know what he wants.

He's all topsy-turvy.

Vegetarian doesn't like mushrooms or hot cheese.

Yeah.

Vegetarian doesn't like mushrooms, doesn't like hot cheese.

Doesn't like halloumi.

Doesn't like vegetables.

Doesn't like vegetables.

Doesn't like, what else doesn't he like?

Fruit.

Fruit.

Wheat.

No, he doesn't like mushrooms, to be fair.

He doesn't like mushrooms.

Yeah.

So, you know, that would be a boring episode.

Yeah, very boring.

Unlike this episode, which is going to be a real feast for the ears.

No, and look, it's not head-to-head.

It's not head-to-head.

It's not a competition.

It's not a competition.

It's a celebration.

There's no secret ingredient.

No.

Because we're not being kicked out of our own goddamn restaurant.

No, that'd be ridiculous.

Because then Ryan would own the restaurant.

Yeah.

And that would be off-menu with Ryan Clark forever.

And we would.

Wait, and he's got other stuff on, so he probably.

He's busy.

He would stop doing the podcast.

The dream restaurant would be boarded up within a week.

Yeah.

so yeah we can't have that this is the off menu menu of ed gamble and james a castor

episode 200 of off menu with guest genie right island clark

boys this is a little bit strange

but um

Come even saying these words.

Come over a winkle.

Welcome to the Dream Restaurant.

Thank you, you, Ryland.

Thanks, Ryland.

What is this?

This is crazy.

It is crazy.

It is crazy.

So we've done this once before for episode 100 with Claudia Winkleman as the guest host.

Ideal.

But we thought, let's get Ryland in for this one.

Is it because I'm cheap?

Oh, yeah.

Yeah.

You are.

Cheap as they come, man.

I'm like a KFC bargain bucket.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Is that on the menu?

Is that on your menu?

No spoilers.

No spoilers.

Just less bone.

No spoilers.

I'm not a KFC guy.

I'll say it's not on my dream menu.

No.

Is it not?

No.

Because I only eat KFC if it's the last thing open on a night.

So if I get back and it's like two in the morning, KFC's open.

Little mini fillet.

Little mini fillet.

And then bad wind, man.

My friend Kelly ruined mini fillets for me when I was younger because she had a problem downstairs and she said that's what it looked like.

And it really was fuming because back then I didn't have a lot of money and they were only 99p.

Yeah.

And I could never eat a mini fillet again.

No.

I guess that is that's a red flag sort of medically if it's looking like a mini fillet right yeah the next stage is like a towel burger yeah

looking like anything i should have seen hard cold on the cop at the time

boys it's lovely to have you guys in the restaurant as punters yeah yeah feels good so you've done all this before for your 100th episode yes

but now it's your 200th episode yeah so now you're just richer yeah

yeah so you could probably afford more on the menu that's true that's true actually yeah although i think i think we went pretty big last time in terms of of uh well i've got i've got what you had last time i've had a little look at what you had last time and yeah i mean you were dining out and ed's main course from last time is ridiculous your barbecue it's disgusting to be perfectly honest yeah yeah yeah i look at it now i actually feel bad about it now because yeah it's just like a tray with loads of meat piled on it it's just anyone that uses the word with a pappy van winkle ball bin

really makes me think you're getting paid too much money.

Well, I wouldn't actually have that.

A Tappy Van Winkle.

Yeah, it's like the king of the bourbons.

It is.

You can't find it.

You have to buy it at the black market.

I knew someone called Pappy Van Winkle.

Did you?

No.

No,

Claudia Winkleman.

Yeah, Pappy Van Claudia Winkle.

Well, I'm very honoured that you've asked me to come in and do this.

Well, we're honoured to have you as our honorary genie.

Honory genie.

Yeah, I think you'd make a good genie.

People love your episodes.

Oh, I'd love you to rub my length.

I really would.

It started early.

It started early.

Can I just say as well, the one thing thing everyone always comes up to me in the street and talks about is my off-menu episodes.

Yes.

Yes.

And people keep going up to my mum and bringing it up to her because for those that haven't heard it, my mum called mid record

of my off-menu episode.

My mum still doesn't know she's on it.

I'm going to just put that out there.

She still has no idea she's on it.

And she came up to me and said, someone come up to her in the supermarket and said, oh, have you been looking for him chopped up in cupboards?

And she took it as a threat because she didn't really understand what was going on

and she had an argument with someone yeah yeah about it so like no you were on a podcast she's like i done no podcast

so yeah she still doesn't know but long live linda

we'd love to hear that though well listen boys i need to start taking some orders down otherwise you're never going to get anything well yes but uh before

i i'm i'm gonna need um to i want some clarifications on things before we start oh no he's already gaming it okay so he's actually got a finger up yeah yeah i should say the air not anything else.

Because obviously, we've got our normal courses that we always have.

Yes.

I would like to just make sure that any loophole we've let a guest do in the past is still in play.

Hang on, but what?

Where are you going with this?

Any loophole we've let a guest do, surely we should be allowed to do it because we've allowed it on the page.

It depends what the loophole is.

We'll decide us and when we go.

I agree with Ryan.

And as the genie, as the genie, I will decide if a loophole is allowed.

Okay.

That's how it works.

I know Winkle was a pushover, but she was.

Ryan's hard.

Well, okay.

Also, I'd like to propose that anything that is a

Ben's really laughing at Rylan's heart.

They always do.

I've never seen him laugh this much at Lottipod before.

I'm not doing anything for my street credit.

Also, anything that are saying also as if you got away with the first thing you said?

Yeah.

I'd like to exploit any loophole.

No, probably not.

Okay.

And also on my list.

Also, anything is a pre-existing course at a restaurant, we should be able to bring in.

Well, no, we've got the format.

Yeah, but anything that is...

Because we're changing it.

You've done well.

You've done it.

You've done 200 episodes.

Think of the money you've earned.

Don't try and fuck it up now.

Can I have a chef's welcome?

I know you're going to make that mood.

Is it not rude?

The first thing I thought of was something terrible.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Okay, first of all.

What do you think a chef's welcome is?

Yes.

As soon as you turn up to the restaurant, they give you a little something to eat.

Like an amusement.

No, no, it's it's before the amuse bouch amuse bouche is later no you're not having that you're not having i've i don't know what a chef's welcome is what chef's welcome like the spoonful of gas faces ask tom barnes tom barnes will tell you

tom barnes is our friend it's not it's not a thing the chef and they've done chef's welcome yeah because on there and they go here's a little chef's welcome yeah they're sucking up to you yeah but i love it the chef yeah yeah but like well should he not be cooking yeah yeah yeah well he's cooking instead of is there no one else in this restaurant is it his house well no no no oh it might have been actually i don't know if tom's i think you meet hard times no no no because there was an amuse bouche as well later on at this particular meal right and you arrived and there's a few that have done these chef's welcomes now yeah and it's like as soon as you get there food so you're not waiting and then later on a little amuse bouche and then the menu starts right what do you think a chef's welcome is well i i kind of wanted to find out what you were thinking but about chef's welcome i've seen a video called chef's welcome

but I'm not going to talk about it on here.

I think Chef's Welcome and Amuse Bouche are one and the same.

So I do know what what you mean.

So if you go to the Hand and Flowers.

They pick up 200.

Tom Carriage's amazing restaurant in Marlowe.

You do get a little...

Oh, I've been there with Mary Barrow.

Yeah, for a laugh.

Just for a laugh.

Just for a laugh.

And they give you, they, I mean, they might have

a little pork pie.

Oh, I'm trying to think what we got when we walked in.

Well, I got looked up and down for a start.

No, I don't think I got a chef's welcome.

Yeah, but even before you've ordered anything, they brought us something.

That's just, see, I don't call that a chef's welcome.

I'd be like, it's just polite, isn't it?

Yeah, just like, hey, I have a little knucker on.

You want a little snack before it starts, right?

Yeah, I want a chef's welcome.

But as soon as I walk in the restaurant.

Right, so hang on.

So before we do water course, you want a chef's welcome now.

Yeah.

All right, do you know what?

I'm going to let it slide.

Okay, the genie, I'm going to give you a chef's welcome call.

I think you've set a precedent that you're going to struggle to get back from here.

Yeah.

Because I think James is going to have a lunch.

Do you know what?

At the end of the day, it ain't my podcast.

And I don't really care.

People want to hear my full menu.

and it's my dream yeah fine all right so look we'll start with

the chef's welcome come up with a chef's welcome if I'd known about so a haggis taco from chuchos in Newcastle as soon as I arrive right why it's delicious I went there every time I get do a show in Newcastle I'd go to chuchos what is chuchos it's a family-run taco mexican restaurant in Newcastle mainly mainly do tacos right and I always go in and get three three different tacos each time are they little are they big Yeah, they're little.

Hard taco, soft tacos.

Soft shell, yellowy, like whatever flour they use in it.

It's just like tacos.

That's probably a corn.

A corn.

Corn tortilla.

A corn soft tortilla by Ed's estimation.

I think he'll be right.

He knows his stuff.

He loves a taco.

And once they had had on the specials, Haggis Taco.

I was like, I've never had a Haggis Taco before.

I'm going to try it.

It was the most delicious.

It was so flavorful.

They had so much flavour in all the Haggis.

I wish people would see your face.

I wish I'd had a million of them.

They sound good.

That's a lot.

That's a lot of haggis.

But do you think, Ryland, as it's a chef's welcome, should it be the full-size taco or do you think it's like a shrunken mini version?

Yeah, it needs to be a baby haggis.

I'll take that.

So you're having like a bite, a taco bite.

Yeah, yeah, I'll take that.

As long as it's like the chuchose haggis taco.

Yeah.

Even though it's pretty much a bite anyway, these aren't massive, these tacos.

Oh, well, now you're slagging them off.

Well, slagging them off.

Rylan,

I'm going to have to be thinking on the hoof here a bit.

You're going to have to go on because this course weren't there.

You don't have to do chef's welcome if that's not yours.

I do have to do chef's welcome.

He's had hackish, you're more than welcome to have a hoof.

You think

I'd like a hoof, please?

Then I want a chef's welcome.

Okay, you can have a chef's welcome.

And this feels more appropriate for

his type of chef's welcome or my type of chef's welcome.

Yeah, I'd like one, one than the other.

Okay, yeah.

Depending on what sort of state I'm in.

All right.

So I don't know what order.

I'm not sure what you're thinking of with a chef's welcome.

That's all right.

I'll eat that up to you.

You can eat afterwards.

You can eat German.

I want a little bowl of the chicken skins from Speedboat Bar in Soho.

They're like deep-fried bits of chicken skin with this amazing spicy powder on them.

It's like crispy.

It's like pork crackling, but chicken flavour.

It's the most chickeny thing you've ever tasted.

It's crispy, it's fatty, it's crunchy.

I thought Ryland couldn't look more disgusted than he did at Haggis Cracker.

Can I just say?

And then he heard a bowl of chicken skins.

We have started

your 200th episode with stomach and skin.

Used to a fucking change.

Do you like pork crackling?

No.

Right.

Okay, then you won't like this.

Speakboat Bar is an incredible restaurant on Rupert Street.

I've been there three times in a two-week period.

Been there a lot.

Rushing the boathouse.

Been there a lot.

Keep booking it and going again.

Everything's really spicy, but these chicken skins are just, oh, they're perfect.

And the first time I went, we ordered a little bowl between four of us.

I was like, that's a disaster.

There's no worse.

So next time we went, it was a bowl each.

Right.

These things are amazing.

Can I just say, if I went to a restaurant and the chef welcomed me with a bowl of skin, I would heave and leave.

Yeah.

It's not called a bowl of skin, though.

Well, what is it?

What is it called?

No one's going, here's a bowl of skin.

What is it called, Ed?

Chicken skins.

Look, I've got to get the afloat.

He summed it up, Ed.

I've got to get the title of this bowl of skin, and it is nice.

I went during that two-week period with Ed.

I'm coming over all funny.

Yeah, yeah.

We haven't.

Hello, sir.

Please take a seat.

Enjoy a complimentary bowl of skin.

Would you rather have the intestines that I, the offal that I eat?

Leave both.

I'd rather not eat.

Already, there's a food about.

Of course, we're not even supposed to fucking be here.

And look at us now.

You flipped some pies upside down and slurped all the eels out of them or something.

Not eels.

Don't eat eels.

Chicken skins with zape seasoning, zap seasoning.

I don't know how to pronounce that, but there you go.

It's number one on the menu at Speedboat Bar.

How can you?

Oh, there's English underneath.

Okay.

no i can't read thai okay uh so chicken skins so it doesn't say bowl of skin can you confirm it doesn't say bowl of skin yeah no but good luck to them thank you and i hope that boat carries on sailing yes um well that was a fun oh yeah

and now i would like an apparent

okay

before the water right okay this is going to be a longer record than i agree to but

I managed to think about

you I think you'll agree with me on this one right there I will agree with you on that but you wouldn't have it before the water To me, that's a chef's welcome.

Yeah.

You don't have it before the water?

No, they'd ask you water first, surely, in a restaurant.

I think it depends what type of establishment it is.

I was recently in Greece

and went to a very, very nice restaurant on a mountain.

It felt well odd.

And before I'd even sat down, they'd brought over in a pair of teeth before water, before anything.

Lovely.

Okay.

No, chef's welcome.

So there's precedent for this.

Maybe, you know, when you go to a restaurant and you're a bit early for your booking and they say, maybe would you like to wait in the bar and have a drink?

drink that's always a nice feeling oh that's a nice feeling yeah but that's just upselling yeah yeah it's upselling well i'm happy to be upsold are you yeah i'm a total sucker that's a good chef's welcome

upsell me

this is good i mean i i'm really having to think on my feet all right fine i guarantee colts let's do it let's do it i'm letting it slide i want a custado who from forza win you've just custado that's a foreign language everything you've just said what yes a custado what's a custado it's a shot and it's got like espresso and they top it up with custard.

It's delicious.

So we've gone from stomach to coffee and custard.

Yes.

This is some fucked up restaurant.

I'm telling you, nah.

Now, this is interesting because another guest who I'm guessing we haven't released their episode yet picks the custado.

Benito is very excited by this.

He loves it.

Benito loves it.

Benito loves it.

I've never heard of this.

You've not had it.

I've never tried it.

I really want it.

I really want to try it.

No.

I really want to try it.

Well, you should have tried it.

This is your dream menu.

So I'm going to try.

This is this is the dream.

But what if you don't like it?

Listen, I'll level with you, Ryan.

And the plan was to go before the record this morning and have it so I knew if I wanted it on my menu or not, but it's not open yet.

It opens at midday, and this is currently we're recording to like half 10.

So I'm just having to go for it.

I've got a good feeling.

Sometimes you hear about something and you already know you're going to love it.

So it's a shot of espresso.

Yeah.

They're talking custard, right?

Real custard.

Real custard and then mix it all up.

Yeah.

My mum tried to convince me.

My mum's staying over because she was cat sitting for us when we were on holiday and this morning she was like well if we if you can't go and get it at the place because it's not open yet let's make it ourselves i was like i'm not making it she was like you can get some alpro custard

i don't think it's just custard those it's like frozen it's frozen custard right what oh this this has taken a turn what it's hot

hot custard man mixed with the espresso i want that as my i mean it does sound quite nice yeah i'm not gonna lie doesn't it see i i want one so but at the minute it's like a naughty pashenel donata yeah yeah yeah yeah

yes and at the minute, it's the thing that I haven't had that I think about the most.

So I think.

You really need to get out.

I think it should be.

Well, now that you've introduced yourself as chefs, welcome.

That's in the muddy.

Can I just say this man is just back from Berlin.

Yes.

And the one thing he wants the most is that.

Yeah, yeah.

You really had a wild time of Rome, didn't you?

Yeah, I did so much there.

I don't want anything else now.

Okay,

I'd like a custardo.

All right, I'll be able to give you a custardo.

Thank you.

Thank you.

I'm going to let you have that because I think that sounds quite nice.

And I would also like to try that at midnight.

Yeah, I'll start one over to the genie.

Yeah.

You can have one.

Please do.

Right.

Sorry.

I've just had to Google what I want for an aperitif.

It's really been like...

Because that's a psychopathic aperitif.

What?

It's a coffee.

Why are you having a coffee at the beginning of the meal?

I want to be awake for the whole meal.

I want to fall asleep.

I mean, it does sound, I still want to have that as well.

But I would like booze because I'm a grown-up.

Right.

In the bar, in the restaurant, before we go and sit down.

So we're not at the table yet?

No, we're not at the table yet.

We're waiting in the bar.

I want, I got, and I got sent one of these from Tommy Banks, who is an amazing basement, guys.

But it was fantastic.

He runs an amazing restaurant called The Black Swan in Oldstead.

Wonderful chef.

And they make

rhubarb negronis.

Okay.

So negronis with rhubarb in them and

just fantastic.

They do them like bottled and send them out and stick them in the fridge or freezer and then just pour it straight over one big cube of ice and absolutely fantastic.

Not two smaller cubes?

No, no.

Just one big one.

I make big ones in the freezer.

Do you?

Yeah, I bought like a tray that made me.

Have you made a big one in the freezer?

A couple of times, actually.

Massive one, actually.

Make a massive one in the freezer.

This is going to be so much fun.

Let's ring my mum.

Okay, so a rhubarb negroni.

That's good stuff.

I mean, rhubarb.

No, I mean, I can see it.

I mean, I don't like negroni.

No, I don't.

But it's actually, it's nice of an X.

I'd say it's less bitter.

It's got less of that back taste taste on the mouth

which is there is an actual sound for that go on

yeah normal negronis taste like retching but um this is it's slightly sweeter and it take takes the edge off the retch the retch taste okay um it's been what feels like an hour

um

and we're still not at the real first course

of the restaurant not it's your fault you you you you he's encouraged it he's encouraged he chose them yeah with a rhubarb negroni he had them as well

He would hear you say pass on a med.

Yeah, I'm not passing.

Shall we move on to the water course now?

Yes, certainly.

What are we having, James?

Well, last time, Ed and I had, for our water course,

I had Causton Press, which is a rhubarb, a soft drink, and Ed had a pint of Guinness.

So going by that precedent, we don't have to choose water for this.

We just choose whatever is our current water.

Back then, Corston Press was my water.

That was your agua.

Yeah.

And nowadays, it's a lime and sea salt kombucha made by a company called you and I.

And I drink it all the time.

I absolutely love it.

I'm obsessed with it.

And that's my current water.

So that's what I want in the jug.

If there was woke in a podcast,

we're there.

This is Ryland's face when you said kombucha was an absolute.

You know, I didn't know what kombucha was until about two months ago.

Yeah.

When someone went, oh, yeah, I'm going to have a kombucha.

and the first thing that came to my head was bukkhaki and i don't know why because it just sounds similar

and i'm like well you do you darling have a lovely night you know she's like yeah i'm gonna have a kombucha i was like great i'll get involved and then i realized it was like some a live drink yes so how would you

guess is kind of what a bukaki is yeah

it's very true actually yeah it really is love the fact your mum's here yeah my mum my mum is literally listening in the next three bars don't google that who's Pukaki?

Yeah, don't look into that, Mum.

So I think I know what kombucha is now, but for those who don't know what it is, could you please describe it in the middle of the moment?

It's fermented tea.

Mushroom tea.

It's a lie.

But it doesn't taste of mushrooms.

Is it mushroom?

It doesn't taste like it.

It's not taste of mushroom, yeah.

Oh, don't tell me that.

It doesn't taste of it.

I don't eat mushrooms, and I did drink that.

It doesn't taste of mushrooms.

No, of course it fucking did.

Bonito?

Yeah, it's mushrooms.

It's mushrooms, like fermented mushroom tea.

Oh,

my Willie's just got in.

i don't trust them you know i don't trust mushrooms sure yeah yeah

yeah you got your habit why would you have it

you're under your feet

you love it i didn't like it no no you didn't like it well you could feel it swimming about

no you couldn't oh i couldn't you couldn't feel it swimming about i felt it's not it's not like it's not like drinking sea monkeys they're not swimming around that's what i'd have for my pair of teeth i think sea monkeys

but with the mermaid dome cove yeah yeah that's the best one yeah of course yeah you never able to afford that that was over a tenner o'clock yeah you're splashing out so kombucha this lime and salt lime and sea salt kombucha it's i've been drinking kombuchas for a while now and i've got uh gradually less and less sweet when i start drinking kombuchas i like the really really sweet ones and now i'm just getting less and less and now i like the one that's got the sea salt in it and the lime and uh there's only one shop i can get it in and I'm the only one who buys it.

I go in, I get loads of them and just buy them out of it.

How much are they?

Probably about four quid a bottle, these ones.

I mean, I'm

like, they'd rub your eyes if you want.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

I'm aware I'm getting fleeced, but as you say, two of the episodes, we're doing all right now.

Yeah,

so I can afford to have a podcast, you know, yeah, yeah.

So, uh, and that's my current, you know, Courston Prep.

I haven't got a song about the Lyman Sea Salt kombucha, which I used to.

Yeah, yeah, he's on a throne.

Uh, yeah, so the company's called You and I, so

you'll never pay for them again.

So, well done.

Oh, yeah, yeah, you and I, kombucha.

Uh, you and I, when I die, bury me with kombucha.

But that's that happens in the Courson Press song as well, is being buried with it.

Yeah, you can't, I don't, I think that's copyright.

Oh, but I wrote both of them, yeah, but you can't release the same song twice.

Rednecks did, remember them?

The Cotton I Joe and then Poppin' I Note, that's the same song twice, and they did pretty well.

I'd rather some new lyrics, if possible.

Otherwise, I'm not going to get you your kombucha.

Okay, yeah, Claudia didn't withhold things based on uh things he had to do.

Yeah, this is what this is

new energy,

Sure, it's fair enough.

Lime and Seuso kombucha.

Ooh, that'll suture.

Yeah.

It's not Bukhaki.

My name's James Aikaki.

Yes, that's the song I was after.

See, you push them, you get the results.

Yeah,

absolutely.

Yeah,

okay, you can have your convercher.

Thank you.

For four quid a pop.

Yep, I'll have that.

And I'll have, just like I would the Course Impress, crushed ice that's made of the original drink.

So made of the kombucha, crushed ice.

Yeah, yeah, that's the sword.

With kombucha over the top and we mentioned tom barnes earlier our chef friend shout out to tom barnes because after we did our 100th episode i went to his restaurant and he sent out some caust and press as the water with crushed dice made of caust and press okay that's amazing that he'd done for me and i that meant a lot now to me that's a chef's welcome that's a chef's welcome

all right that's quite a good that's quite a good drink thank you i'll let you have that one thank you thank you what about you both uh vintage champagne please for fuck's sake right what one well we so uh i think krug

i had it once i think it was delicious i'm just fed up and pretending that i don't like it yeah it sounds fancy yeah just thinks to cool kids and i specifically want it to taste like champagne or any fizzy wine does after a wedding ceremony

where you've just sat through a whole ceremony and then you get your first drink after that do you want a side disposable camera as well yeah that'd be great yeah little treats on the table that you take home and then

put on the side and and then they go in the bid a year later yeah yes i would like it to taste after you've maybe like a 40 minute ceremony and then you finally get a glass of champagne and you're like ice cold we go someone's just poured in yeah party time but you don't want to have done the actual 40 minute ceremony no i want to feel like i have

so do you not think if you did have the 40 minute ceremony here in the dream restaurant before your glass of crew would not make it that much better or but as a genie could you not simply without me having to to go through it, instill the feeling within me?

Of course I could, but I want to watch you do it.

You want to watch me suffer?

Yeah.

Whose wedding?

Whose wedding is it?

Well, I don't know.

I mean, I'll have another guy if you find me somewhere.

Well, to be fair, most weddings I've been to have been really nice.

So maybe...

Yeah, but they all start nice, babes.

This is specifically the ceremony.

I don't want to have to sit through the sort of relationship afterwards.

Yeah.

I think just like someone I don't really know.

Even better.

You ain't got to focus that much.

No, no.

It's about all champagne in all 23.

We went to a wedding recently recently where it was a lovely wedding.

It was outside and we were.

You're narrowing it down.

They won't listen.

Yeah, yeah.

So it was a lovely wedding.

But

the drink station was set up nearby where the wedding was happening.

Right.

And the wedding was beautiful.

And it wasn't a particularly long ceremony, but we were watching the ceremony.

And then I just kept, my eyes just kept drifting over to this big PIM station.

And then we finished and everyone had to line up so they could do the walkthrough and throw confetti and stuff.

And me and one other guy were like, we'll stand here.

Stood right on the end.

And then, as soon as they were like, Yeah, we're married, it was straight to the bottom, straight in.

Did you know the other guy?

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

It wasn't just like a kindred spirit because that's nice at weddings.

I know him, I know him.

I'm a kindred spirit for the first time.

I know him, but in that moment, I really knew him.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

You knew each other, yeah, because we both walked backwards towards them, yeah.

Oh, so that slow walk, yeah,

yeah, straight round.

While slowly clapping, yeah, you know, oh, great, well done, guys, whatever

gobble, gobble, yeah.

So, I think I'd like that feeling, uh, And a glass, a glass of snucks.

I like that.

Okay.

So we've got kombucha and krug.

Also,

before we get on a popped onsole bread, I'd like an amuse booch.

No, you can't.

Chef's welcome is amuse.

No, it's not.

It's not the same thing.

Oh, let me think.

Let me just think.

Not the same thing.

Do I want to allow this?

It's not the same thing, Rydland.

The thing is, when you're...

It's not my podcast.

I thought you fucking want to.

You can have an amuse booche.

It's also, this is a chance for me to correct something I got wrong last time.

Last time, I had as my side dish the Berkswell pudding from Aldis from Longcloon.

Yeah.

And I think about it, it's not a side dish, really.

I just had it in there because it's one of the most delicious things I've ever had, one of the delicious mouthfuls of food I've ever had.

Right.

So I would like it as my amuse bouche this time.

Right, so do you want to explain to me what that is?

Yeah, yeah.

It's layered up like croissants and Berkswell cheese.

Oh.

Like layered up in these like,

in this really tight block.

Croissant milk fire.

Yeah, yeah.

And it's got like, they paid with birch sap to give it a bit of sweetness.

And then

birch sap.

What, tree yeah yeah and then it's croissant cheese and tree yeah it's really sweet sweet tree right and then they put loads of burkswell cheese on top of that as well and some vinegar stout vinegar yeah and it's oh it's i mean this does sound really nice it is outstanding we've eaten a lot of them we've eaten a lot of them where is this

long clum in the lake district in

alpha but then they also do them in aulis which is the yeah like a chef's table restaurant in soho

oh fine yeah yeah, yeah.

Sorry, yeah, you can go there.

You didn't know who's here.

Yeah, we had, we had this on the last menu, and it is absolutely incredible.

But for me, now it's Hall of Fame.

Oh, so it's like, so I'm not, I'm not going to put it in my menu this time because it's Hall of Fame.

It's in Hall of Fame.

You do do Hall of Fame, yeah.

But now I've got, I've got to think of an Amoz Boucher.

Yeah, yeah.

And did you want to Google again?

No, because I think I know what I want.

And weirdly, so I picked something from Speedboat Bar.

I want to pick something from...

No, have we got shares in this place?

Speedboat bar?

Oh, Speedboat Bar.

No.

They got shares in me.

Oh,

soon he's gonna i'll be after this episode yeah i want to pick the restaurant that used to be where speedboat bar now is oh controversial it's called uh i don't know how to pronounce it ziu ziu

xu

it was a taiwanese tea house style restaurant beautiful one of the most beautiful restaurants in london gorgeous um and they did like a pork dumpling it was almost like a pastry sort of dumpling with like pork in the middle it was so juicy and so delicious was it pulled like no it was like mince mince pork like almost like in compacted into like into sausage meat

yeah myland really likes it when we get really in-depth about the honestly if you could see my face yeah yeah it was just my eyes just glaze over i missed that place i'm glad speedboat bars replaced it the fourth the fourth announcement of speedboat yeah i'm gonna keep talking about it yeah do it both

this dumpling the the pork dumpling so you want a croissant cheese and tree yep and you want a pork dumpling yeah yeah some ooze bush.

Okay.

I'm going to, yeah, I'm going to let them both slide, actually.

Thank you very much.

And I would like to try the croissant tree.

Yeah.

Absolutely.

And what?

Birch sap.

Yeah.

It's just a sweet, sticky...

But I've got hay fever.

You'll be all right.

You sure?

Yeah.

Because trees set me off.

Especially the sap.

Well, you're a genie.

You can take hay fever away from yourself for the evening.

I'll just have the injection.

Yeah, yeah.

Normally around April.

Yeah.

So actually, I'll have that and then I'll go in May.

Yeah.

And have a bit of tree sap.

I'd love it in May.

That'd be nice.

I quite like it.

Yeah.

All right.

So we're already,

I've now got pictures of that's the pork dumpling.

I miss it.

Okay, that does look really nice.

R.I.P.

R.I.P., the pork dump.

R.I.P.

That actually looks really nice.

So we've done 20 courses so far.

See, I came into this with this one.

I thought I'm going to have a normal meal, something that I could imagine myself eating.

And he's just now, in terms of the meal, we're not even there.

I'm shit-faced and I'm full.

Babe, we've had stomach, we've had skin, and we've had trees so far.

Yeah.

this is what you've turned into 200 episodes in.

At the beginning, when you first started, you would have been fucking happy with an happy meal.

No, I wouldn't.

Yeah, I'd have had a pizza hut.

I love a little day out with Grimace and the hamburger.

I love Grimace.

I do love Grimis, and I'm glad Grimis is having a bit of a resurge.

Resurge, isn't he?

Yeah.

I love Grimace.

I was in Italy and saw a picture of him.

I was like, oh, he's doing well.

Good on him.

Good on him.

He's doing really, really well.

They have rooftop McDonald's out there.

Do they?

Yeah, they've like rooftop mezzanines with like umbrellas and beer and Grimace.

Lovely.

It's really, really nice.

I love it.

Anyway, pop a dump saw breads.

Okay, so I would like.

Fuck's sake, here we go.

Here we go.

Here's the thing.

I don't know what kind of bread it is.

I would like the bread that we were served at Ed's wedding.

Yeah, I'd forgotten that you loved that.

Ed's wedding, longer than the 40-minute ceremony, thanks to Nish Kumar's fucking speech.

No, that wasn't the ceremony, though.

Oh, yeah, so.

The ceremony was very quick.

Yes, ceremony, quick, beautiful.

Beautiful, emotional.

Still married?

Yeah.

Yeah.

Afterwards, Nish Kumar did like a solo tour show.

As his festivities.

There's a lot of people here.

Fucking took a long time.

But this bread, it was incredible.

And the thing is, I nearly...

So last time I chose the pizza bread from Alta,

which is still probably my favorite.

Hall of Fame?

Put it in the Hall of Fame.

That's like a Hall of Famer.

And I didn't want to go...

A lot of people have chosen bread baskets on this podcast.

I can have more than one bread.

We'd let it happen.

But I didn't want to do that.

No, I wouldn't let that this bread at ed's wedding was mind-blowing it's bread bread gamble the edding bread yeah the wed wed gamble yeah the bread wed gamble the bread wed the wed bread gamble yeah yeah wed bread and wed bread the thing is is that i can't remember i can't even remember what it tasted like but i remember that while i was eating it my girlfriend and i just going like oh my god oh my god what the fuck is this bread this bread is so good how pissed were you at this point i was all right at this point oh i can't stay pretty sober because i i i djing duties later on i I didn't want to be hampered.

And you had to announce the cakes.

I had to announce the cakes as well.

Here's a cake.

Well, if it wasn't that serious.

It's a job that James invented.

It's the cake.

You've never seen anyone invent their own job and take it so seriously.

Yeah.

With a disposable camera.

Well,

I had to take it seriously because I'd invented the job as the cake announcer.

As a cake announcer.

You and your blushing bride

had allowed me to do it.

And I didn't want to be like, if I then do a job that I've invented and I do it badly and that's a black mark on the day.

Yeah.

That's even worse that I've kind of like fucked up the job.

Yeah.

And I insisted that I did the job.

Well, you didn't insist you made it up.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Yeah.

So I was like, I have to do it.

I have to nail this.

So how did you do it?

I memorized what is, because it was a four-tier cake.

Yeah.

Different in each tier.

So I memorized exactly what was.

each and what was in it each cake i don't know it now one of them had peanut brittle in it i announced the cakes got them all right

in a really formal way.

Everyone was applauding each cake.

Everyone at the wedding gathered around to clap the cake.

And then everyone was really excited about the peanut brittle one.

But I knew that was the smallest one.

I felt bad how much I put into that.

It's like, you know, that's not going to go for me.

I really sold it to them like this cake is fine.

Well, I'll have a bit of that.

And it's like, sorry, Julie.

Yeah.

That's my stepmom's name.

She's still fuming.

She never got a bit of peanut brittle.

I had to get a bit of that saved for me for later.

Yeah.

Dodgy Technology.

But you don't even know what bread that was.

No, I just...

I've asked him since.

He doesn't know.

So how do we get it?

We can ask the caterers.

Who were the caterers?

Caper and Berry.

Mary Berry and Jeff Capricorn.

Caper and Berry.

Mary Berry and Jeff Capes.

Famously.

He carries her around

in a little purpose.

She's just there with a bottle of white wine.

She does all the cooking and Jeff just stands there with...

So what was so special about the bread?

I just don't think I've ever tasted bread like it.

I think, from my memory, perfectly soft and fluffy on the inside, perfectly crisp and crunchy on the outside.

Is it a roll?

It was slices.

We're butter and really good salted butter.

I remember.

It just tasted like a full meal in itself.

It was so satisfying.

I felt like I don't need the rest of it.

Whatever.

Do you feel like it was the look?

The bread was delicious.

I do remember the bread.

But do you feel like it was enhanced by the joy you had?

I did not want to be there, man.

So forget that.

And that was that.

A lot of wedding chat in our menus so far.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Maybe it's the same.

Maybe it's your own wedding.

Because I'm at your wedding with this bread.

So maybe you were

your wedding.

So you want, we didn't have cream.

Edwin bread.

Yeah, I want the Edwed bread, for sure, with the salted butter.

Edward bread with salty butter.

Yeah, yeah.

Okay, fine.

And I'd like to not have to watch Nishkuma do a speech.

That's fine.

We can get rid of it.

Thank you.

That's no worries.

No worries.

What about you, Edward?

I would like, and Benita and James were here when we had this, the bread from the restaurant Kudu in Peckham

with both melted butters that they serve with it.

So you get the bread that they bake to order in a little skillet.

You know you're doing well when you're ordering stuff from a skillet.

Fluffy white bread

that they bake in the oven and they bring it.

And then they bring two other skillets with melted butters in them.

One of them's got bacon and herbs in it, and the other one's got little shrimp.

And you literally just tear bits of the bread off, dip it in the melted butter and eat it.

And it is the, it's the best bread course.

It's like, again, a meal in itself.

It was incredible.

And I remember seeing Ed eating it, and already I was like, that's going to be his bread course.

I know it.

His eyes were rolling around in his head.

I mean, hold the shrimp and I'm in.

Yeah, you don't have to order the shrimp.

You could just have the bacon one.

Yeah, the bacon one, I'll be fine, but so it's that drippy melted butter.

It's just a big pool-ons.

Yeah.

It's fantastic.

I'm getting a semi.

Yeah.

He did.

When he was eating it.

Yeah.

That table went a bit down the wonk.

Yeah.

Yeah.

yeah.

Or the garlic just spilled over everyone.

Wonk.

Yeah.

I wonk the table up.

Okay, yeah, that's nice.

Yeah.

I like that.

Oh, it's just fantastic.

So we know what bread that was.

It was just bread.

It was, but like, it's not brioche.

It looked like brioche because it is shiny on the top, but it wasn't as sweet as brioche.

Yeah, it's a tiny bit of it.

It's not shiny on the table.

It's a tiny brioche.

Yeah, exactly.

That's what I always say.

So not brioche.

Yeah, it's just fantastic.

Is it brioche?

Fresh baked bread.

I love Netflix theory.

Yeah.

It's a great restaurant anyway, but that is like they smash it out of the park right at the top of the night.

Well, I'm allowing them both.

The only thing I'm quite upset about is that we will never know what Edgeway bread was.

Yeah, quite a bit.

Well, I'm sure if I bring Jeff Capes,

see what Mary was making, if he was paying attention to it.

What was she doing in that papooch?

So that bread, for sure, it's never changed in my mind.

You do you, Kodo.

Thank you.

I hate myself.

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Can I just say, three hours in, we're on starters.

We're finding it the starters now.

No fucking around now.

Let's talk starters.

James, what we have in?

I would like cheeseburger spring rolls from Disney World, please.

Oh, stunning.

How is that the first thing you're on board with?

I've got some really good news for you.

Yeah.

Marxes have started doing them.

Are they?

Yeah.

Cheeseburger spring rolls.

It's great news.

Handsome.

That is great news.

And London is the first thing.

I love smile this whole record.

We've gone skin, we've gone stomach,

we've gone tree, get your sap out.

And now

you're talking Milo.

We've got Mickey Melson.

Cheeseburger Spring Roll.

Mickey Spencer.

Talk to me about it while I dribble.

Right.

So it's as soon as you go in the Magic Kingdom, you go to the end of Main Street USA.

In front of the castle, and to your left, there's the cheeseburger spring roll cart.

Well, there's a spring roll cart.

They do cheeseburger spring rolls.

And when we were there, pepperoni pizza spring rolls.

I went straight for the cheeseburger ones.

I'd heard those were the best.

Obviously, really hot off the cart,

really crispy on the outside.

Inside is just like chopped up.

Is this exactly what it sounds like without the bread?

You got cheeseburger cheese, that kind of American processed cheese, mixed in with the burger.

It's all chopped up, and I think there's some Gherkins chopped up in there.

Yeah, and then a burger sauce dip on the side.

Yet, two spring rolls, walking them while I'm going over the bridge into like, I don't know, Frontierland or something, but Benito will know where it is to the disney world my girlfriend really wanted to go

sure my girlfriend really wanted to go well this is the thing i was like i've got to do research on the food because i'm really worried we're going to be we were there for a week ryan oh that's a long while so i was like i want to make sure we eat good stuff i was watching a lot of the videos that say you got to snack your way around the park that's the way to do it that one was the one i was most excited about really really pumped to eat so your food you'd already pre-prepared i was like i'm going to get cheeseburger spring rolls he planned all the food in advance yeah yeah great yeah that was in my head i'm going to get the cheeseburger you can actually buy them now.

Here.

I can't wait.

I'm going to do that.

I'm telling you now.

Yeah.

One of the best things I bought at Christmas comes with a little burger sauce dip.

Delicious.

20 minutes in the oven.

Bish-bash-bosh.

Or if you've got an air fryer, probably like a minute.

I don't know.

Sure.

I don't know how it works.

How they live.

You've got an air fryer.

You know, it's different life, isn't it?

I thought you did.

No.

It's a different life.

But honest to God, stunning.

Yeah, delicious, right?

That's my favourite thing you've chosen so far.

Thank you very much.

Actually, it's my favourite thing you've chosen throughout 200 episodes.

Thank you.

I appreciate that.

And I thought that was the one i was going to get the most grief on no but then uh praise darling but then call me fat boy slim i'm gonna praise you thank you fat boy slim

um

also i'd like some carol and fried chicken for the table hang on for the table well hang on no we're not doing for the table

we're doing for the table

give you a chef's kiss what the fuck you called it for the table i don't want it you're not on my table who's on your table then my girlfriend nish

ed's wife

thought she was going to be on my table but fair enough.

No, she's on my table because she wants the Carolina Fried Chicken for the table.

She doesn't.

That's for the table.

I'm not going to let the chicken slide.

I'm sorry.

Brilliant.

Well, brilliant.

Someone's laying down the table.

I want it on the record that I wanted it.

Oh, Bob, you can have it on the record.

Listener knows.

So Cricket know.

Can I just say he's doing something with his hands?

I'm making sure everyone knows I want Caroline Fried Chicken for the table.

Okay.

Just let the record show.

Even though it's a denied.

We haven't.

We don't serve that here.

Fine.

Fine, but like, just so everyone knows, that's what I would do.

That's fine.

You can serve it as much as you want.

Don't ruin it.

The start stage, I would say.

Don't ruin it.

Okay.

Because the cheeseburger spring rolls is top tier at the moment.

Yeah, top tier.

Anything else you're adding before I do mine?

No?

Okay.

By all means.

Come in, Ed.

You're not going to like this.

I'm sure I'm not.

Here we go.

I want the Cole Yorkter and Schmeltz from Mangel 2.

Care to elaborate?

Yes.

I thought you were having a stroke.

My name just looked at me then,

absolutely shocked.

Like,

just like, what the fuck is going on?

I genuinely thought it was just his face dropped you know cofta yeah like a kebab i'm not that stupid yeah but well you didn't understand you said you'd understand i didn't understand

colour you're what no it's fair enough i had to look it up as well it's like mutton basically it's like aged

aged you it's like an older you it comes it's like lamb but it comes from an older you not you that'd be weird they went to the future got older rylan

never gets old yeah

older rylan looks exactly the same

older Rhino looks younger than Older Rhino.

So yeah, it's mutton, basically.

Mutton kofta.

Yeah, from Mangel 2.

What's Mangel 2?

It's a restaurant in Dolston.

It's amazing.

It's a Turkish restaurant, but it's the sons of the guy who originally owned it have taken it over and they still do

Turkish food, but they're doing experimental things.

It's an amazing restaurant.

And it's just so smoky and like nutty tasting.

It's fantastic.

And the Schmaltz, they like...

What's the schmaltz?

Schmaltz is like chicken fat, and they put an egg yolk in and turn it into a sort of mayonnaise consistency

sauce.

Yeah.

I think that sounds lovely, but my

violence.

So let me just get this right.

We've got a mutton kofter.

Yeah.

Which I get.

Yeah.

I'm fine.

I do like a cofter.

A bit more aged tasting meat.

But then for the schmaltz

or a dip,

as I would call it.

Yeah.

We are talking chicken fat with an egg.

Egg yolk.

Yolk.

Yeah, I had to look up how they

there's an artist all right an egg yolk mixed with chicken fat yeah but it's just like mayo basically think of it no it's not onion well mayo is is egg yolk and uh olive oil so you're just replacing the olive oil with chicken fat

chicken fat yeah onion delicious tasty

learn something new every day all right well no i'm you know i'm

for my starter drink so whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa which we're allowed to do because that is a loophole that's previously been exploited

sorry you need to ask before i have a a starter drink please rylan of course you can can i have a pickleback please i'm sorry pickleback loves pickleback if i could

you know pickleback i love pickleback oh there you go big fan of their work hold on hold on i'm gonna rewind

i think i don't i know the joke rylan we don't you don't win a podcast award for that because that was quick thinking it was but i'm pretty sure You did a song by someone else that I thought you'd try that wasn't by Nickelback.

Was that not Nickelback?

Were you doing if I could?

Yeah.

Then I would.

Yeah.

You're doing that.

I think that's by a different band.

Yeah.

So

the calling.

Mr.

Colin.

Yeah.

But I still like that.

Oh, well, I tried.

Yeah.

It's still a solid joke.

I can't remember.

Oh, this is how you remind me as Nickelback.

Yeah.

I was in Pickleback.

Yeah, you were in Pickleback.

At least someone from Radio 2 got Nickelback and the Cooling mixed up.

Give a fuck.

I play Spice Girls on Ultronato.

I'm fine.

What's the Pickleback, please?

Shot of Bourbon and a shot of picklebrine.

There we go.

And you have the shot of bourbon and then you chase it with the shot of picklebrine.

No, I wouldn't use a puppy van Winkle with this.

I use like a nice bourbon, like a bullet or something like that, or a maker's mark.

Right, hang on.

One more time.

Shot of bourbon and then a chaser of a shot of picklebrine.

Mrs.

Elwood.

Mrs.

Elwood?

Yeah.

What?

Who's Mrs.

Elwood?

The lady on the pickles.

Oh, yeah.

Yeah, I know.

That's her name, isn't it?

Mrs.

Elwood.

I think Jeff Elwood.

I know the lady.

I never trusted her.

Yeah, I don't know her name was Mrs.

Elwood, but I know the lady.

It is Mrs.

Elwood.

The lady on the pickles, yeah.

Yeah, I don't trust her.

She looks too cocky.

Ellswood, show me a picture.

I want everyone to look at Mrs.

Ellswood because I think she looks a little bit cocky with her.

She's a bit shifty.

Yeah, she is a bit cocky.

It's like, yeah, look, I've done all right for myself.

Oh, yeah.

Cocky.

She's got younger over the years, ever since.

She's way younger than I am.

She's done a riding work.

She's had work done, Mrs.

Ellswood.

She's aged like Riling Club.

She has.

And she's changed her top.

She has.

She's gone for gingham now.

I'm not sure in my local shop, that's the Mrs.

Ellswood.

No, my Mrs.

Ellswood's a bit older.

Yeah, I think.

Maybe she died, and that's the daughters took over.

Oh, yeah.

So you want alcohol and pickle juice?

Did you have a pickleback last time?

No.

The Peter Piper pickleback a pickleback.

I had bourbon.

I didn't have a pickleback.

You didn't pick a pickleback last time.

I didn't pick a pickleback.

You didn't pick a pickleback anymore?

I thought you picked a pickleback.

No, I had a bourbon, but I didn't pick a pickleback.

I didn't have a

puppy van winkle pickleback.

I wouldn't pick pick a pickleback and I wouldn't pick a nickelback.

Brilliant.

Wonderful work.

Thank you.

Wonderful work all around handshakes.

Interesting that James isn't exploiting the drink with every course this time.

No, because I wanted to have Care and Fried Chicken for the table.

That was more important to me.

No, kind of that.

I'm sorry.

Yeah, yeah, I know.

Seven hours in.

Let's move on to main course now.

We've had pickles, skin, cheeps.

Cheeseburger, spring rolls.

Yeah, fine.

Yeah.

I'm holding out for a hero with that.

Cling on to that.

I always try to.

Main, James.

When we had Joseph Quinn on.

Here we go.

It's a story.

Give me your fucking order.

Do you know what I mean?

I've got other customers.

I've got Ruby Wax over the roads wanting to order something.

When we had Joseph Quinn on,

he employed a loophole for the first time that we hadn't had on the podcast.

We let him do it.

Oh, no.

He said he wanted a pastor course before his main course.

We allowed it.

That is something we have allowed on the podcast before: that you can have a pasta course and a main course.

This would actually really help me out as well.

I would like to do that, please, Ryland.

You're lucky.

I've just got back from Italy.

Yeah.

I'm going to allow it.

Oh, yes.

Thank you, Lyland.

What's your pasta course?

It's called Moms.

M-O-M.

Apostrophe.

Yes.

Just say mums.

No, no, because it's from Portland and they would say moms.

Moms?

They'd say it in their accent, though, wouldn't they?

They'd say moms.

thank you thank you crab fat noodles

oh i'm gonna be sick mom moms crab fat noodles from magna cuisina in portland off keep it there sounds so good crab fat yep absolutely delicious how have crabs got fat

i ate all that crab fat ma'am i'm gonna regret this what is it oh you won't like this either, actually.

It was like those kind of like squid ink noodles, like

those black noodles, really

fine noodles.

You didn't like that?

It's from the sea.

Ryan.

Yeah, he doesn't like stuff from the sea.

Yeah.

Don't like it from the sea.

I'd never trust the sea.

No, he doesn't trust it.

You don't know what?

How can you?

You don't know where it goes.

It's not natural like a cheeseburger spring roll.

You know what you're getting.

And lately, I've been seeing loads of videos pop up on Twitter and Facebook of these fishes that look like they've got human faces.

Do you like the blobfish?

Yes.

Yeah.

One of them had teeth like mine.

Clearly been to see Dr.

Richard.

Dr.

Richard.

Shout out.

Shout out, Dr.

Richard.

Listen, if you can shout out the restaurant so I can shout out my dentist.

Absolutely, Dr.

Richard.

Respect.

Delicious pasta course.

I could have just kept on eating it and eating it.

Had it before I did a gig.

Normally you never eat pasta before a gig, but this, I couldn't stop myself.

What was all the crab fat, just really juicy is the fat of a crab please is it like the liquid that's in there with the meat I guess it might I don't know because there's actual meat in there but it wasn't like regular actually the point was like regular crab mix it was all it was all so mixed in with the noodles it wasn't like there was big chunks of stuff you were just getting ever also there's some crispy onions on the top but that's all right you're putting

or crispy stuff on the top anyway oh no maybe it wasn't onions probably crispy but actually i've got a photo oh hang on rylan i'll tell you what crab fat is okay you ready for this James?

Yeah.

What is crab fat?

The hepatopancreas of a crab is also called tamale or crab fat.

In crabs, the tamale is the yellow or yellow-green paste in colour.

You know that inside a crab, like round the shell, you get that like greeny paste.

Oh, yeah.

That's crab fat, Rylan.

I think I hate feeling about that.

I need to go to the hospital.

I didn't know I'd eaten that.

You should have booked Claudia again.

Or it's a gooey buy-on.

Or...

Get a load of this.

The spring onions chopped up on the top.

The gooey white substance that lurks in the corners of the shell.

lurked lurked

lurk shell lurk that's what you've ordered shell lurk yeah shell moldy fucking lurk is what you've ordered gladly and if i had to say it like that i would as well because they're trying to show it all up as mummy's crab pasta no it's dirty shelly mold

shelled mold crab

It's so nice.

I think I'll gladly have it.

Remember when your mum rang in the podcast?

When your mum rang us?

Yeah.

Don't try and change it.

Don't try and bring it back.

Are you going to do your main nails?

You've just ordered shells

and then

we'll do our main.

Scrapings of a crab shell.

Oh, scrape them.

Scrape them all.

What is that like?

Taking your toenail off and taking all that toe jam out and having that.

If it tastes delicious.

I'd be glad.

If this stuff...

grew underneath my toenails, I'd be cutting my toenails a lot more frequently.

So many levels of disgustingness in that.

Yeah, I genuinely think I'm going to heave in a minute.

Please, Edge,

bring this back with the pasta course.

Now, bring it back for me.

I hadn't thought about doing a pasta course, but luckily my main, I was struggling over what to have, and one of my choices was a pasta.

So now this is my pasta course.

It is the potato and pecorino ravioli with prosciutto crudo from Cafe Parsi in Sydney.

I was happy with that.

It was incredible.

And potato and cheese.

This is what what we're after.

Cheese and potato.

Potatoes lurk in the ground.

They don't lurk in the ground.

They're having a nice little time.

They're not lurking under a crab's fucking skanky shell.

Talk to me about this, please.

So I was in Sydney on tour and I was recommended this restaurant.

I went by myself.

Which, no.

It was the absolute drink.

I was able to take ideal for it.

Sit at the bar.

They were amazing in there.

So Cafe Party, they came over and said oh because you're by yourself it's like small plates but we will do you half portions if you want to try lots of things so i got loads of half portions of everything they said the only thing we can't do a half portion in is the potato and pecorino ravioli with prosciutto crude i was like well i'm getting that straight away then

huge plate of these massive ravioli

pillowy soft potato and a lot of cheese in the middle and then just like i'd say the equivalent of a pack and a half of of prosciutto just laid over the top like it was like loads of little fat babies and they tucked them in under a meat blanket oh what you like that description

yeah did you listen to that last sentence yeah it was all great and they talked about eating a bunch of fat babies why don't i eat a fat child i'm just saying

it just felt like you know it felt comforting that's what i mean yeah it felt warming it felt warming

this is the sort of thing i can get on board with yeah ham cheese potato bit pasta yeah and some so far you've only liked things that are wrapped up in something else

You like the cheeseburger spring roll, whether you got the cheeseburger in the spring roll.

You like these ravios where you got like the pastoral.

Or maybe I'm missing being cuddled.

Yeah, exactly.

All right, do we want to go down this route?

You should get yourself to Sydney.

It's like a cuddle on a plate, right?

Yeah, right.

They should see it.

Oh, I see.

I'd probably take the prosciutto off and have the prosciutto on the side.

You can do that, but fine with that.

I've got a picture of my noodles, my crab fat noodles.

Awful.

I'll just show you.

Just show them my crab fat noodles.

literally

looks like

a Doctor Who villain.

Delicious.

So delicious.

It looks like the inside of a Dalek.

I'd jump inside that Dalek all day long, man.

So we've had pasta courses.

Yeah.

Yet another course we didn't sign up for in the contract.

Blame Joseph Quinn.

What we're having for your main, James.

Oh, no.

No, he's getting cocky face.

What's he got?

I would like beef Wellington for two for Ron Gastrobar in Amsterdam.

He got it last time.

It's what I chose last time, but I listen.

listen.

Pathetic.

Listen.

I chose it last time.

Why?

Because I love it.

Because it's the most delicious thing I've ever tasted.

That everything's cooked to perfection.

The actual beef in the middle would just be a per

would be the best steak I've ever had on its own.

The pastry is crispy, buttery, absolutely delicious.

And then it's actually trifling.

In between, you've got that Wellington sauce, which might have mushrooms in it.

It will have mushrooms in it.

But they do just the right amount.

Some places do too much of that sauce and it makes me feel sick.

They do such a perfect amount.

Anyway, my girlfriend and I went to home early in the year.

She booked us Ron Gastro bar because she knew that that was my dream main course on the last one.

We went back.

I ate it again.

And once again, it's the best thing I've ever had.

And I was trying to think of something that I would have in this main course instead of that.

And you couldn't.

And I couldn't think of anything.

I was like, but I want that again.

So I've just done it.

I've just gone for it.

There were other things I had in the running, but I've had to go.

If someone said to me, this is your dream meal, we're going to cook you your dream meal now.

That's what I would want.

That would be in my head.

All right.

All right.

All right.

I'm going to need 30 seconds of silence to think about this.

Long time, innit, Face.

I said silence.

I've made my decision.

Yeah.

I've decided.

Just to remind you, it's something in something else.

I don't need talk.

I don't need the chat.

I don't need the chat.

Another dish stuffed with beef.

I

am

gonna allow it i'm gonna allow it i'm gonna allow it

i think when you find something you like yeah stick with it i can't help it and also i'd like a drink with this one so i am ordering a drink with this on top of the drink which is coming next yeah yeah i want a drink with my main course but wouldn't that be the drink order that we're doing next no i'm not letting you have a sour beer i'm not gonna have a sour beer okay and i think ed will back me up on this we'll be glad i've chosen it the sour beer would back you up i would like

i'd like a pint of timothy taylor landlord ipa from the staff of life in toddmorden oh yeah i can't believe i forgot about that yes rylan when ed and i

when ed and i were on the run yes which i loved thank you we went to the staff of life inn in todmorden to lay low and they let us stay overnight and they had this pint it's the best pint i've ever had it was so it was creamy they had those spark what what did you call them the things that they have sparkler sparklers in the thing that makes it go psh when it comes out of the tap.

Oh, my God.

It's mainly the north side.

It's firm in this beer for me.

Yeah, they don't have them down south.

They put a special attachment on the beer pumps that forces the beer through smaller holes and basically makes a foamier, sort of creamier pint.

Okay.

It was astonishingly good.

Like, I've never had a pint as good as that.

I don't know because we were we were kind of just partying with the owner

and saying that because we're on the run we were like we'll pay you back when we get off the run i don't think we ever pay that guy back well this is let's count this as the payment oh yeah let's mention them on our podcast it's an amazing payment oh it was such a good point that yeah it was it was so good was it cold yeah i could i mean maybe as well being on the run all right i'll let you have the point thank you thank you right with your beef wellington delicious that's quite nice so happy it's quite nice right come then ed yeah so i'm struggling here because i did have some other

some other choices

yeah but now what do I go for?

Well, we had some noodles last time.

And I think what I'm going to go for is, you know, I won you over with the potato and pecorino ravioli.

I feel like I'm absolutely going to ruin it now.

Oh, fuck off.

I want the octopus tacos from Cole.

Why are you clapping it?

Why are you clapping it?

It's funny.

Funny edit.

Right.

Just tell me.

Right.

You get the chat.

Why don't you put octopus in a taco?

Well, you get the tacos they cooked they bring.

Hold on.

I'd like to first of all hear what Ryan's imagining.

Yes.

Sorry.

Please.

Or it's slippery.

It's not raw.

Don't care.

But it's not slippery when it's cooked.

So it's me, I've eaten it.

Do you think it's a whole octopus?

Well, whenever I think of octopus,

I had this game

as a kid that was an octopus.

Oh, I've just remembered this.

I've just unlocked a memory.

It was so lovely.

Anyway, it's like this plastic octopus and its legs like move slowly because it's got eight in it.

Yeah.

So its legs will move slowly.

And on its like little tentacle bits, you sit little octopuses.

Yeah.

I'm really loving this.

Yeah.

And the legs slowly move.

And then sometimes a leg's going to go and then cock up.

And then you have to catch the little octopuses.

But I imagine the big domey bit.

Yeah, you don't get the big domey bit.

The head.

The head.

It's the tentacles you get.

They're char grilled.

I think they've probably got some some sort of spice rub on them and then you we got scissors right what do you remember we yeah because this was at the this was at the pop-up before the main restaurant it's an amazing coal is an amazing restaurant yeah it's one of the top 50 restaurants in the world great it's incredible like high-end mexican food incredible chefs at the helm and you get the tacos the warm the warm tortillas soft taco soft taco again corn tortillas in like a little leather pouch and then with the octopus it was like the tentacles char grilled and then you chop off bits and then you can put all the other different bits in there as well i don't really remember what the other bits are basically

sit there dismembering a tentacle it's dismembered already you're mainly just rubbing salt in the wound literally yeah yeah yeah yeah chopping it up you get to choose how much you want in the taco you know one none you'd choose none right you'd choose none i guess you'd want to have any yeah munching a shell on your own that i nearly picked oh good point oh did you hear that growl then the skate yeah the skate oh maybe i'll switch it well look i'm still writing the order so what do you want i want the skate wing taco from Carl.

Skates have wings?

Yeah.

They can't fly, can they?

No, it's called a wing.

Why?

Just because it's off at the side, I think.

The skates flat, innit?

Yeah.

Do you mean the fins?

Well, they're called wings.

Skate wings.

What?

Fin?

Like them bits.

Yeah.

Well, no, it's like the...

I don't actually know where it is.

They're like the ones that fly about

on the top of the water.

No.

I don't.

They don't fly do they they're not the flying fish no jr hartley they're not jr hartley oh but what's massive this skate because what ed's talking about is they bring it out in the center of the table and you're just like we talked about it on the hot skate because you're just combing it off the bone it's amazing oh my god

and it will never come back out again you know my penis

that's it you know this is i hadn't considered this element of i'm having to alter

sorry not in a dirty way but that literally the tingle i've just got is when you go over a flyover too quickly.

Because you find it sexy, the skate wing is sexy.

I find the term combing it off the bone

one of the most disturbing things I've ever heard.

Well, I thought I was certain you went for another innuendo where I said combing it off the bone.

It was so chilly.

I'll never have sex again

because of that statement.

Oh, it's got to be the skate wing tacos because it's so, it's

such a delicious fish.

So moist.

Oh, yeah.

I nearly chose the skate wing tacos, but there you go.

I'm happy with the pandemic.

right?

So they pull out a big old skate.

Yeah, skate wing.

Full skate.

Yeah.

Chuck it like on a...

I can only imagine a lazy Susan.

Yeah, sure.

It's not the full skate, it's a wing of the skate.

What do you mean a wing of the skate?

Like a breast?

It still looks like a whole fish, isn't it?

Show me a skate wing.

I cook skate wing at home as well.

How do you feel about that?

All right, Angie, calm down.

So you can see all the bones there and you literally, it takes nothing to get the fish off, but you literally just scrape it off and the bones stay there and all covered in delicious spices and then the tortillas someone's gum yeah i want that dr richard might like that

busman's holiday for dr richard i think yeah yeah that's the point oh i'm so chuffed with that pasta and skate wing tacos yeah that's great And I would like some crispy Yuzu ducklings for the table, please.

From Upland, didn't you?

Did you say ducklings?

Duck legs.

Oh, my fucking God.

Duck legs.

I was just trying to get it in.

Duck's legs.

Duck legs.

So some crispy Yuzu duck legs from Upland in New York for the table.

They were good.

For the table.

Hold up, hold up.

There's too much going on here.

For the table.

We finished the Care of the Fried Chicken.

Stop it.

You want wing of skate.

Yeah, that's my main.

Being combed off of bone.

Yeah, into tacos.

Into tacos.

Do you want a drink?

Just make a fucking choice now.

No, more.

I'm going to wait for my drink order.

All right, you're fine.

Yeah.

Look, I know that you're probably not going to let me have it because it's for the table, but I just wanted to let the record show that once my Caravan Fried Chicken, which I wasn't allowed.

for the table has been finished.

And you think I'm going to give you leg of duck?

I would then like to replace it with the crispy Yuzu duck legs.

Fucking duckleg on the table.

Yes.

They weren't left.

The leg.

The leg.

The leg of a...

Yeah, the duck leg.

The duck wing, I think it was, actually.

Has he got a foot on it?

Were there wings?

Or maybe it was wings.

Has he got a foot?

No, there wasn't a foot on it.

No.

Saying on duck leg, is that like a chicken leg?

I've never had a duck leg.

Yeah.

I wouldn't eat a duck.

I wouldn't eat a duck.

But Age thinks there might be duck wings.

We went together.

We were in New York.

We went with Ronnie Cheng.

But we ordered a second bowl of them because they were so good.

Yeah, but it's like chicken leg, but for duck.

Yeah, but you like, yeah, yeah.

Do you like crispy fried duck?

I'd never eat duck.

You never eat a duck.

I won't eat a duck.

Really?

What?

As water?

No, I just don't trust it.

I don't think you should eat a duck.

I've got a pond.

Right.

Yeah, yeah.

I've got a pond, and every Sunday they come and have a little wash.

And I just think, oh, I couldn't do that.

Sure.

No, that's a good one.

Which is why I won't have cows.

Pardon me?

I won't have a cow because then I won't eat cheeseburger sweet mouths.

Oh, yeah, that's why you eat.

You won't have a pet cow because you won't eat eat cheeseburger.

No, nor will I eat pheasant because of Patrice, my pheasant,

who you told us about before the podcast.

He's been away for six weeks, but he's out fucking the birds over the field.

I saw him on the other day.

Yeah, you saw him the other day.

And by birds, you mean other pheasants?

Yeah.

Yeah.

Rather than just some women across the way.

And you got out of your car and you told Patrice off that he told him off and he looked at me and went and ran away.

He'll be back.

He'll be back.

He knows where his bread's buttered.

His Edward bread.

Right.

So we saw I know that I'm not allowed to duck this for the table, but I want the record record to show that I would

in a perfect world, mark it up, right?

Well, no, but

fine.

This is giving heartburn this menu.

Looking at my menu, that wasn't my plan, but now I've just got to keep up with him.

Can I have a quick drink, actually?

Would you want to have a quick drink?

Um, frozen margarita, please.

Frozen margarita, right?

There you go.

You gotta love that.

Yeah, fine with it.

Fine with it.

Right, side dishes, please.

Telling you now if it's foot, arsehole, or something like that.

No, no.

I've just

numbered arsehole.

I've just remembered what mine is.

James.

I would like.

This is from E5 Bake House in Hackney.

All right, the bakery.

It's a wonderful place.

Every day they do like a different lunch.

So it's like it's one set thing that you can get for lunch, but it's different every time.

I've heard about this.

Yeah, it's great.

Do you have it or don't?

Yep, and somehow.

Yep.

And somehow, every single time, it's delicious.

It's incredible.

It's like, I can't believe it.

And I feel like you're setting me up for a foul here.

And once they did these carrots, sesame roasted carrots.

They were incredible.

I want them as my side dish.

Here's the detail that I'm holding back because I think this is when you're going to kick off.

Why?

They were cold.

So it's cold sesame roasted carrots from E5 Bakehouse in Hackney is what I would like.

Which is raw carrots.

No, not raw.

Not raw.

They've roasted them.

They've cooked them.

But now they're cold.

Why are they cold?

Because they taste better cold.

Says who?

Says E5 Bakehouse in Hackney.

Rylan can't eat carrots because they come and wash themselves in his pond.

Little carrots.

I actually don't eat carrot.

Do you not?

Why not?

I was ginger.

Fuck it hell.

So I don't wear red either.

Do you not eat anything orange?

What's it?

I mean, I'd say that's the most...

That's the most ginger food.

That must have been...

It's fine.

These beneers.

I can get for anything.

But yeah, carrots.

I don't know.

I just don't trust them either.

Right.

No, look, I know that it doesn't sound...

What was was your main again the beef onington and you want cold sesame carrots sounds delicious man i want a big bowl of them here's the thing are they wilted no no are they soggy they are yeah no you look at them they just look like

you look at them they just look like normal roast carrots they're full they're batons oh they're batons look at that oh it looks handsome

that's handsome that's how i imagine gout to look that what what are you talking about it's a

carrot baton it got sesame seeds on there i think it's lovely i think it's cold.

Yes.

So every time I would eat them, blow my mind.

I think that's one of the nicest things I've ever tasted in my life.

And then I'd eat some other stuff on the plate.

And I'd look at the carrots again and go, they can't be nice.

Surely they're not nice.

They're cold carrots.

Even though I just a minute ago had them and they were amazing.

And then I'd eat them again and have my mind blown all over them.

Are they hard?

No, they're nice and

soft, like

that normal, not mushy, just that normal give to a roast carrot.

Oh, I'll allow it.

So much flavour.

Is it tahini-y?

Yeah, a bit, yeah.

That sesame nature.

A sesame snap.

Yeah, like a savoury sesame snap.

Fuck, that's hard to say.

Savoury sesame snap.

I like sesame snaps.

Ed gives me a hard time for it.

I like sesame snaps.

It's only you see buying them from the news agent.

Yeah, yeah.

Do you remember when they were 20p?

There must be a third person who likes them because they're free in a packet.

My man, but she died in 2016.

Respect.

God bless Rose.

And she liked a Mr.

Tom.

Who the fuck orders a Mr.

Tom?

Oh, my God.

Who walks into a news agent and goes, oh, do you know what?

I fancy a Mr.

Tom.

That is that.

Even more than a sesame snap that's something you have to blow

stuff in and you say still there yeah how do these companies still work

unbelievable that mr tom is still going i think

i think they might have been popular once really overproduced and then went bust and there's just all and they're just hanging about and they keep changing the use by date mr tom sounds like the the person who does your botox so you've got doctor

you're dr richard

mr tom you say ryland's botox man is unqualified he's just a misjointy guy back alley alley tom around the back of the chair actually.

Mr.

Tom.

Okay, I'm going to let them happen.

Thank you.

I'm going to let the carrots happen.

I'm not actually as offended as I think you thought I would have been.

Yeah, yeah,

I was worried.

No, I'll let you have that.

Thank you.

What's your side?

The Houdini 18-cut scallop sushi from Kurisu Omakase.

Here we go.

Oh, yeah.

He can't even look at you.

The what?

Look, I hate to big up Kurisu Omakase in Brixton because it's already hard enough to get a reservation and this might make it more difficult.

This guy, Chris, his name is.

Hello, Chris.

Kudusu is Japanese for Chris.

It's his parents, again, a bit of a running theme.

It's his parents' sushi restaurant in Brixton, Ichiban Sushi.

And on certain nights of the week, he takes it over and does an omakase, like a chef's choice sushi menu.

It's fantastic.

He's really funny, makes amazing sushi.

like you know flame grills some of it you know does some directly on koles you get like 18 little different bits of sushi throughout the evening how much it's fantastic it's a fantastic night

uh but the highlight, I've been there twice, the highlight is the scallop sushi.

It's raw scallop, but he cuts it 18 times, and it's called the Houdini because it disappears in your mouth.

So he cuts it 18 times as a sort of

tenderizing thing.

He cut it 18 times.

He doesn't cut it into cubes.

Houdini.

He just slices it through.

He slices it 18 times.

How much does he charge you for the scallop?

Well,

it's an all-in deal.

Right.

You put the scallop on top in like a niggery style thing.

You put it in your mouth and honestly, it just melts.

It's incredible.

And the gutting thing is you only get one bit.

And I want a plate full of them for my side dish.

Please, Rylan.

Right.

Let's start from the beginning.

Okay.

Scallop.

Yeah.

What is it?

Very, the very beginning.

What is it?

Shellfish.

Yeah.

What is it, though?

Do you know?

Because I don't.

But what do you mean?

Does anyone?

What is it?

It's a shellfish.

No, what is a scallop?

Yeah.

You can keep saying the word shellfish.

But what do you want?

What do you want?

What information do you want from it?

What is it?

Because when you look at it, you're like...

Well, what is it?

What are you?

What is anything?

I don't trust it.

Like a mollusk.

You don't trust anything, Riley.

No, and that's, you know, you don't trust ducks and they wash themselves in your pond.

No, I do.

I trust them once.

You trust us.

I won't trust it to eat his foot up.

Right.

To me, a scallop

is like incomplete.

Because it's in the shell.

Yeah.

You open it up and it's like a...

How would I describe a scallop?

Like a fishy cushion.

Yeah.

Sounds nice.

Why, though?

that's what i want to know why i think you should i think you should you probably don't like sushi do you because if you don't like not fish sushi no way i leave i don't like

so you can't go to this place and enjoy it but honestly this scallop is just it's the tenderest is it the white bit or the orange bit

what's the orange bit the only bit i'd have all over my noodles the roe it's the roe that's the babies I'm not sure actually.

I can't speak to that.

But I think it is called the scallop roe.

I don't think it's the babies, though.

So you just have the white bit of scallop

chopped 18 times.

Not chopped,

like, like slashed 18 times, so it almost sort of slashed.

Yeah, because he doesn't chop it into bits, he just slashes it across the top.

It just softens it up.

It turns it really tender.

And

you just put it in.

It's just...

And it's raw.

And the, yeah.

And the rice is obviously warm sushi rice that he's perfectly crafted.

Drapes that on the top.

So you've got a raw scallop

with rice on top.

No, down below.

Underneath.

Sushi.

What, so it's rat?

No, no, no.

Just like a little bit of like nigiri, you know, sushi with this hay and then a raw scallop on top.

Yeah.

Is it cold?

Well, the rice is slightly warm.

A cold side dish.

A plate of those is my absolute dream.

I'm buying eating it.

You have what you want.

Thank you, Ryland.

Have it.

We get it.

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Right, proper drink now.

I would like...

Now, I think it's pronounced muraria cocktail.

It's from bar.

A malaria cocktail.

No, not malaria.

Meraria.

Muraria.

M-O-U-R-A-R-I-A.

Do you think you could have picked something that you

could say?

Meraria.

Meraria.

Mavalia.

This is so good.

Mavalia cocktail, please.

This is so good that I don't care that I can't say it.

From bar in Lisbon, B-A-H-R, all in caps lock.

Bar?

No, this is.

I wrote this straight off the menu because I knew as soon as I drank it, this was my dream drink.

Yeah, okay.

And this is last year I had this.

Gin, lemon.

They just wrote lemon, which I think is lemon juice.

Right.

Bubbles.

Sorry.

Bubbles.

Champagne.

Yeah, yeah.

Right.

Trying to decide what order to do these next two ingredients in.

But I have a feeling the next two ingredients are going to upset you, Ryden.

So.

Basil.

All right.

Yep.

Yeah, no, I'm all right with it.

And fermented strawberries, strawberries, which are called salty.

That sounds good.

Why do you have to chuck in fermented?

Well, they kind of pour it through, though.

So it's not like it's all in the glass.

The glass is clear.

What has happened to them strawberries?

Well, they've been fermented, whatever.

In what respect?

Like left out in the sun?

I keep them in a jar, I think, in a bunch of stuff.

And then they let them like

fester a bit.

And then like...

That's all nice and salty and strawberry.

Fruity and salty.

And then they pour the drink through all that.

And then the drink is kind of...

I don't know how they do it exactly, but like, it was this salty but fruity drink with a hint of basil to it.

You don't need to know how to do it, do you?

That's part of the joy of going to the bottom.

The guy who made it had just won this big cocktail making competition and they told us all about him.

We're like, yeah, yeah, yeah.

What'd he look like?

Who would play him?

Oh, goodness.

Oh, yeah, that's good.

I think he would be played by Mark Wahlberg.

Young Mark Wahlberg.

Okay.

I think that sounds delicious.

It was so good.

I had to go again before the end of the holiday to get another one because it was so good.

I don't do gin.

Well, I think you'd like this still.

Don't trust it.

No.

Was it your pond full of gin?

Yeah.

Yeah, yeah.

Pested up ducks.

That's why my mum always thinks I'm dead in a cupboard.

I'm not against it at all, actually.

I mean, every cocktail this guy made us all night was brilliant.

We just let him choose.

I like a wanky cocktail.

We just said to him, like, just choose whatever you think should be the next one after this one.

And he did that all night for us.

All of them were incredible.

This one was probably, I don't know, second or third one that we had.

I had quite a wanky one the other day.

Yeah.

Where at the end, you eat jelly.

Oh, yeah.

So I asked for a porn star martinez because I'm from Essex.

Yes.

And they were like, I'm so sorry.

So we don't

do this here because we do not have the,

are you saying English passion show?

I was like, okay, no worries.

He's going to

make you

add on variation.

Okay.

So I'm seeing him.

do this thing and I'm like, the fuck's this?

Then there's glitter and then there's a spritz of something around the edge and I'm like, all right.

And then basically I get presented with this drink that was one sip of drink.

And I was like, oh, it's got like, I was just, I'd literally tried it and it was gone.

Yeah.

And I was, and I was like, oh, you know what I mean?

I'm like, this just cost me like 400 quid.

And he was like, is your

spatula?

I was like, thank you.

And then the rest of the drink was a jelly

that you just eat.

Yeah.

And it was like the inside of a knee what how i imagine like cartilages

is that what you think of all jelly or specifically that jelly was that one yeah it was like the inside of a knee give me a round trees any day sure of course but it was like cartilage so you enjoyed it yeah

but yeah i'll let you have your gym basil fermented strawberry extravaganza i think when it comes down to a cocktail yeah i mean as long as you're not putting fish or foot in there i'm fine okay great there's no fish or foot i think

use basil more yeah yeah yeah it was It was just so amazing.

Nice drink.

Okay, fine.

What about you?

What do you want?

Going wine,

Riesling.

Probably JJ Prum is one of my favourite Riesling producers.

Who's he?

German guy.

Probably not too...

Probably not.

Not too dry, not too sweet.

So like off-dry, maybe, so a Cabernet, probably,

and something with a bit of age on it.

So maybe something from the early noughties, late 90s.

Is it a red?

No, it's Riesling.

It's white.

It's a white.

It's a a white it's delicious don't do white wine you'd love Riesling why

because I give me a reasoning for the Riesling in just the the flavor profile sort of peach you get uh citrus sometimes depending on how pear sometimes depending on how

how sweet how sweet it is how much residual sugar in it it's lower alcohols it's like between seven and eleven percent normally when you're when you're looking at that sort of wine can you get it in a 7-Eleven you could you probably could you'd probably get rough stuff in a 7-Eleven you can get some very good riesling uh for quite a good price it is better when it's had more age on it and that makes it more expensive but that's why rylan i've been buying riesling and in 20 years time i'm gonna have a party you've got to be ed's friend for 20 years now if you want some riesling if you want some resling one day i'll have a ribena instance

and pay you know that's yeah glass of wine yeah yeah exactly i was expecting it to be like something with a fucking sparkler hanging out no no no no no i'm not i'm actually not much of a cocktail cocktail guy really i like i like martinis, I like margaritas.

Nothing negroni.

I've got negroni on this menu as well.

But

nothing, nothing crazy.

I don't like it when you go into a cocktail place and look at the menu and you don't know what half the ingredients are.

True.

I get you.

Thank you.

I'm allowing it.

Well, we've had 48 courses now.

Yeah.

Yeah, it's James's fault.

Fair few drinks.

Yep.

We're still standing.

Yeah.

A load of what you guys would call food, what I would call pushed up trials.

But

for dessert?

Yeah, now.

Okay.

There is surely, there is no way you can fuck up as a zero.

He's going to ask for a pre-dessert.

I can see it in his eyes.

Yes.

And also,

and people won't believe this, a cheese course.

I would like a cheese course, a pre-dessert, and a dessert.

And, if I may, a petit-four.

We let Carrie Adler have a petit-four.

We've let loads of people choose cheese course and dessert.

We have not ever had the pre-dessert loophole exploited, but it is a course.

If you can do it in one minute,

I'll give you all four.

You need to do it all in one.

Cheese course, St.

James cheese with boozy prunes, walnut cracker, and honeycomb from the French in Manchester.

Pre-dessert, caviar popsicle from Coda in Berlin.

Dessert, lemon French toast with Dolce de Lece ice cream from Atari and San Sebastian.

Peti 4, one packet of smash from Scandinavia.

Why smash?

So it's not mashed potato.

Oh.

It's these salty bugle type crisps covered in chocolate that you can buy at any shop in Scandinavia.

They're absolutely delicious.

The cheese course is the best mouthful of food I have ever had in my life.

Well, you said that about the Wellington, yeah, yeah, yeah, but this is the best mouthful.

This is the French in Manchester: St.

James cheese, Zaboozy prune, a slice of

uh prune soaked in alcohol, fine,

a slice of St.

James cheese, a walnut cracker.

What's St.

James cheese?

It's like uh it's like a

a harder kind of uh cheese with a stuff

yeah yeah yeah

i tried this is how he needs to be treated i tried to google what it was before coming in because i knew i would get asked what st james james cheese was but it is quite it was like the cheese of st james

firm but soft walnut cracker which is like i guess it's got walnuts in it right um and then a scoop of actual honeycomb on the top blew my mind a scoop of honeycomb like a teaspoon teaspoon of honeycomb like they went oh as in like raw honeycomb yeah raw honeycomb not what you're making yeah no not not from a crunchy and whatnot.

Not what's in a crunchy, like raw honeycomb.

The pre-dessert I had two days ago, but it's from Coda in Berlin, or I did a 15-course dessert tasting menu.

So all desserts, but they mess around with savory stuff.

So the popsicle is like, it's like rectangular.

Is this a minute?

Have you done this in a minute?

Yeah, but I said them all in a minute.

Yeah.

Yeah, go on.

Hurry up.

The center of it is

pecan ice cream.

And then there's, it tastes a bit vanillay, but it's it's jerusalem artichoke ice cream around that jesus

crop

they cover that with this with this caviar that's not very fishy what do you mean caviar like fish eggs

but but it's more salty than anything i bet it is and then they dust that with white chocolate

salutes

blew my mind yeah the dessert the lemon french toast with the ice cream from i had this one

i did travel man with joe licit right there is footage of us eating this because it's it's scoopable, this French toast.

Whatever they've soaked it in all this lemon and like, and it's bruleeed on the outside, this cube of it, and you can just scoop it out and we are dancing as we're eating it because it tastes that good.

Right.

It's just like, I have dreams about that still.

What's on it?

Yeah.

Dolce de lece ice cream on the side.

So you got that on the side.

So that's that's like absolutely how can someone

go from fish egg to that?

But go on.

Trust me, that in that order as well.

After the main course, I want the cheese course, pre-dessert, dessert, and then afterwards, open up a packet of smash, let everyone have it.

That's that.

That's my juice.

I mean, I've had three,

but I haven't been able to bask in each one of those as much as I'd like, but I'm just glad that I'm not.

Go basket, basketball.

I'm just basking in my head.

Go bask.

I mean, the lemon dolce de leche thing sounds lovely, and so does the cheese.

But I wouldn't have a boozy.

I understand why the caviar pops cool.

I mean, I knew I wasn't going to be able to do it.

Yeah, I'd say that's

nice to me.

I bet that'd be really good, but it was so good.

That's interesting.

No, I wouldn't have that.

I could have carried on eating them all night.

That's not an indication of how good anything is because I'd say anything you have that you even slightly like, you go, I could carry on eating that all night.

And then you mind tossing it into your mouth while you're walking down the street.

Could you just say tossing it into your mouth?

Yes, Rylan.

Can we clip that up just for a minute?

Man, my mouth's watering imagining all those on the bounce.

Right.

Watch your dessert, babe.

It's put me in a tricky situation, but luckily, James took so long there.

I formulated my cheese course into pre-dessert, into actual dessert.

Go on, then.

Well done, man.

Cheese course, the truffle baron bigard from Longclume.

No.

On the cheese trolley.

They make their own truffle brie essentially, but it's Baron Biggard, which is like an English bri.

Baron?

Yeah.

The cheese can't affect you.

No, like Baron, as in...

Baroness Brady.

As in, yes.

Baroness Brady.

Baroness Brady truffle cheese.

And they use all of the...

The truffle that they use in the rest of the restaurant, any of the like the ends and the offcuts, they mince up to using this cheese and they put this layer of truffle through the middle of the barren bagon it is one of the best cheeses i've ever had so that is my cheese course i've had that cheese it's mind-blowing moving into this is actually a very clever menu now moving into the pre-dessert which is from i believe it's shut now toimec in la

which was the pre-dessert there it was a little cheese toasty a truffle cheese toasty so i've got you fucking ruined it again with the truffle the flavors from the last thing truffle cheese toasty with a smoky campfire ice cream is what they called it.

Right, so look, I would have liked that if it wasn't truffle cheese.

Why are you doing it again?

It's not truffle cheese, it's truffle ice.

What part of the family does the truffle come from?

Mushroom, fungus, vial.

Yeah.

Pigs find it.

Pigs go sent out.

Well, I'm a pig.

I'm a pig and I find it delicious.

And then the smoky campfire ice cream.

Yeah, that's last night I've got potatoes to ice cream.

What was in the ice cream to make it smoky campfire?

I guess they actually probably smoked the custard that they were making the ice cream from.

I just smoke a custard.

Well, you'll use like, have you ever seen those like smoked guns where they'll put something in a bowl and then put cling film over the top and then pipe smoke?

And I guess they did that to the ice cream base and then froze.

And then freeze.

Yeah.

Okay.

All right.

Delicious.

So that takes us from the cheese through to ice cream because ice cream is going to formulate my dessert.

All right.

Yes, we know you're clever.

I would like two, thank you.

I would like two types of ice cream, please.

As one dish?

Well, on one plate, but maybe in separate little bowls.

With a divider.

Yes.

Okay.

I would would like the olive oil ice cream from Quality Chop House.

Fine with that.

Absolutely incredible.

They only have it on the menu now and again.

They make it with the best olive oil, and then they bring it to the table and they pour olive oil all over the top of it.

I had it there just after restaurants were back open after lockdown.

sat outside there and had that and I got goosebumps.

I was so excited.

Did you cry?

And I genuinely, it's the closest I've come to crying over food.

Wow.

Absolutely incredible.

And then the other ice cream I'd like is the Christmas pudding gelato from Jalupo.

Delicious.

That is good ice cream.

What's in it?

Everything you might find in a Christmas pudding, like candied fruit and...

They've at least like let the milk or the cream sit in

and all that sitting in there.

Yeah.

And they made the ice cream out of it.

And that's what they've got.

Oh, it's Jalup.

Jalupo.

Is it the name of the place?

Who's that?

I don't think it's a guy.

I think it's just the name of the place.

Have you ever been to Boca Delupo, the Italian restaurant?

It's really nice.

They have an ice cream place opposite called Jalupo, and it's my favorite gelato in London.

One point i went there so much they gave me uh like a loyalty card and then i went back and they went we don't do those anymore do you guys pay for food anymore yeah i was paying for it

oh yes so yes yes

i prefer to pay but i i feel like we've gone through a lot here yes i need a drink with that as well if that's okay quick this is for the aperitif no digestif sorry yeah digest digestif

i want a fernet branca mentor please fernet branca is like a herbal liqueur that you use as a digestif because it settles the stomach after you've eaten a lot of food.

The normal Fernet Branca is nice, but it's quite, it's very herbal.

It's almost medicinal, but it does settle the stomach.

This is the mint version, which is just delicious.

Like Gavascon instead.

And I would like.

It is like boozy gavascon, essentially.

I would like a chilled Fernet Branca menta, please, Ryland.

For my digestif, I would like a pot of fresh mint leaf tea.

Yeah, that's fine.

That's what I'd have.

So that's like what I'm having, having, but mine's fun and boozy.

Yeah, he's boozing it up.

Yeah.

One big cube in there, please.

When I did this as a guest, I felt like I was uncultured when it came down to food.

Yeah.

Since I've been a guest in the dream restaurant, I've been to many countries and I'm still uncultured.

It's clearly the people I'm with.

Yeah, I'll wait with Judge Render.

So guys, let me just get this right.

This might take a while.

Yeah.

But let me...

You're going to read it back to us?

I mean, good luck.

My mum's laughing her head off in this.

Any next thing?

Didn't put anything that your mum cooked on your dream menu?

No, she's a bad cook.

Bread bastard.

Well, I'm going to attempt to read back your orders, bearing in mind, I thought we were just going to come in with three courses.

We've got 26.

So for your first course, which is Chef's Welcome, James, you have gone for bite-sized haggis tacos from Chuchos.

Yep.

And Ed, you've gone for a bowl of chicken skins from Speed Boat Bar.

Is that correct?

Yes.

Well done, you both.

For an aperitif.

James, you've gone for a custardo from Forza Wynn.

And Ed, you've gone for a rhubarb negroni from the Black Swan.

Yes.

For the water course, which, you know, we've probably for the next hundred episodes should change the fucking name of this course because it's never water.

James, you've gone for a lion and sea salt kombucha from you and I with kombucha crushed ice.

Yes.

And Ed, you've gone for a Krug champagne that tastes like it does after a wedding ceremony.

Yes.

Let's move on to Moose Bouches just to check that I've got this right.

James, you've decided to go for a Berkswell pudding from Leon Clume.

Yeah.

And Ed, you've gone for a pork dumpling from

yeah.

And I believe that's the correct way to say that.

Let's move on to Poppadom's or bread now.

Neither.

James, you've gone for bread with salted butter from Ed's wedding, but we don't know the bread.

I don't know what it is.

So we're just going to have to guess it tonight here.

Edward bread.

Ed, you've gone for bread with both melted butters that come on the menu and that's from kudu yes you do kudu let's move on to your starters james thank fuck for some saviour cheeseburger spring miles from disney world

absolutely fine with that please send them over

and ed you've decided to go for a coal your coffee with schmaltz from mangal too yes please and a pickleback yeah not to be confused with nickelback thank you very much not to be confused with the cold

we then throw in a pasta course because that's what we do here in this restaurant.

James, you've decided to go for mom's crab fat noodles from Magna Casina.

Yes.

And Edge, you went for, again, thankfully, a potato and pecorino ravioli with psciuto crudo from Cafe Passi.

Nice.

Main course,

James.

You have gone for Beef Wellington for two from Ron's Gastro Bar and a pint of Timothy Taylor IPA from the stuff of life in Todd Morden.

Yes.

Edge, you've gone for skate wing tacos from Cole and a frozen margarita.

Yes, please.

I just don't get how you can go from so exotic to just basic.

But I like it.

And specifically, I'd like the frozen Yuzu margarita from Shatfu Yu.

Thank you.

Of course you would.

James, for your side, you've gone for a big bowl of sesame roasted carrots from E5 Bakehouse.

Cold, please.

Cold.

And Ed, you've gone for Houdini 18 cut scallop sushi from Kurisu Amakasi.

Yes.

Wow.

This is putting me to shame every time I read the menus back and

Eurovision, babes.

Next up for drinks,

James, you've gone for a motoraria cocktail from Bar.

Ed, you've gone for a late 90s, early 2000s Cabernet Riesling by JJ Prum.

Yeah.

Course she had.

And dessert, that took a bit of a turn.

Let me just turn the page here.

For your cheese course, James, you've gone for a St.

James's cheese with boozy prune and walnut cracker.

And honeycomb.

And obviously a scoop of honeycomb from the French.

I thought that meant from the French.

Just please to take it in flavour.

Ed, you went for a truffle baron big odd from L'Anclume.

Yes.

James, for your pre-dessert, you went for caviar popsicle from Coda.

Yes.

Ed, for your pre-dessert, you went for truffle cheese toasty with smoky campfire ice cream from Trois Mex.

For your actual dessert, James, you decided to go for lemon French toast with Dolce de Leche ice cream from Atari.

Yeah.

Edge, you went for an olive oil ice cream from Quality Chop House and Christmas pudding gelato from Galupo.

James, you wanted a Peti Four, didn't you, which was one packet of smash from Scandinavia.

Thank you.

Chuck them in as well.

And finally, for a digestif.

James, you want a pot of fresh mint leaf tea, which is lovely.

And Ed, you want a finette franca menta.

Yes.

That's going to be a fucking lot of money for you tonight.

That's a lot of money.

We pay for each other's meals.

Okay.

Yes.

There's a real, that's a big night out.

Yeah.

Yeah.

I mean,

I came in here with notes for our normal off-menu meal.

I thought this is going to be the one where I play everything straight down the line.

And then James comes in trying to game the system.

And, you know, I can't be left behind.

Yeah.

I'm actually so much happy with my menu, with the things I came up with on the fly.

Yeah.

I have been the genie today.

And listening to you guys and your menu has really opened my eyes

to...

Just how fucking crazy you guys are, to be perfectly honest.

I mean, I like the way you've done this, Ryland, this whole episode.

I feel like you'd be less of a genie and more of a very stringent immigration officer.

Yeah.

Yeah, yeah.

Listen, I run a tight ship.

I do run a tight ship.

I've been through shit.

Sure.

All right.

Sure.

I just ain't got the time no more.

And at the end of the day, every step of the day is one closer to death.

That's how I look at life.

Caviar ice cream.

Oh, it's caviar on the outside of the ice cream.

Still vial.

Yep.

Bowl of skin with ads.

Yeah, Jeff's welcome.

Chef's welcome.

Well, that's what you want.

I'd rather a blowy.

I didn't know that was an option.

Well, if it's the chef welcoming.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Then a bowl of skin.

What I don't understand is how you can get it so right on some things.

We know what I'm talking about, Cheeseburger Spring, right?

Thank you.

That's the only thing I think you got wrong, to be honest.

Yeah.

I was so anticipating getting destroyed over Cheeseburger Spring bottles.

I didn't think I'd be

carried along.

That's why Slim.

Yeah.

i don't know who needs to change if it's me or you i really really don't is it a case of compromise do you think

what like a cheeseburger spring roll with a foot of leg or something a foot of leg

i feel like you need to take me out to yeah jalopo pablo palo jalupo jalup

shoot place whatever it's called i feel like i need to go to these places because I don't want to come across as insulting because I'm not.

No, no.

I appreciate good food.

Yes, I might judge master chef every now and again do i eat the food i

yeah do i make it up as i go along yes i do yeah fair enough but maybe i need a bit more educating and being the genie today in the dream restaurant has just confirmed to me that i worry about future generations

and i worry where we're going i worry about scallops i worry about fish that have got wings yeah yeah that have leg that you can comb off the

Octopus that you cut up yourself.

Yeah, with scissors.

I just don't really know where to go with this menu, but it's your choice.

Yeah.

Yes.

And everyone's free to do what they want to do as ultra night once.

And I'm just quite emotional about it all, really.

I just don't know.

Well, it's meant a lot to be able to read these to you and just hear back.

you know, how my menu looks to someone else through someone else's eyes, you know.

Yeah.

It's nice.

What do you think your mum would say about that menu?

Illness.

She'd say illness illness would be the word she would use i think

illness

in more ways than one do you know what i will take away from this cheeseburger spring rolls apart from

200 episodes in yeah just how much you've both changed over 100 episodes if we go back you know we're talking a pint of guinness yeah you know well and then yeah to be colston press yeah you know fine with it drinks you know you just wanted a cap salve yeah and you wanted a cider Yeah.

We're now doing caviar popsicles, guys.

That's what happens.

We have changed a lot.

Yeah, I was going to say, we haven't.

We haven't at all, but

my water course was a pint of Guinness last time, and this time it's a glass of vintage crook.

There we go, guys.

100 episodes on.

Your 200th episode.

Congratulations.

Thank you, Ryland.

Thank you so much for having me as your genie.

You could have brilliant

genie.

Well, you could have had Claude, but she weren't available.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

She hated it so much last time.

Can I come back for 300 please yes you and Claude next time oh double bubble yeah but I'll only come back if you take me out for dinner of course deal buying no fish or feet yeah we're well we've found out what you won't eat thank you Ryland love you thank you Ryland love you

The two best menus we've ever had on off menu.

I think easily.

Easily.

I'm really happy with that, especially because because we got to look at our episode 100 as well yeah and uh although i missed the tomato and basil from a telecrene in san francisco well you don't miss the main course because it was the same yeah oh that was a letdown man i knew that would annoy you i i've got to go there and have that i've still not been to ron gastro bar yeah so i do have to go there and have that and i'm annoyed that i haven't gone in the previous 100 episodes yeah It doesn't annoy me because I'm glad you picked one thing that was the same because it shows that you've really thought it through and that nothing's beaten that.

Yeah.

But I just thought of all the, you know, there's so many choices in the world, man.

Here's the thing.

With the bread course, I was nearly went pizza bread again from Alta.

But that's Hall of Fame.

I think anything that we did in our 100th episode is locked into the Hall of Fame now.

I had to think like if someone was about to make me my dream meal and they said, come on, what do you want?

I have to say what I would say.

So I nearly said the pizza bread, but I thought, no, because I did like that bread at your wedding as much.

So I'll choose that even though if someone said right now I'm gonna make you dream me what is it I would say the pizza bread yeah but I was like that was an equal I was trying to think of an equal for the main there's so many things I like I was going through all of them and little notes in my phone you know I'd take the beef I did off put somebody else on it wouldn't feel right yeah I'd have to go back on and change it again

I had to

came back as well yeah but that was right in a wrong there yeah I got that wrong it's not a side dish yeah it's a It's an amuseboosh.

It's an amusebush, yeah.

Chef's welcome and amusebush introduced to the format, which means now any guest who comes on in the future who is a fan of the podcast can employ that loophole.

So episodes are going to take two and a half hours to record.

Yeah, they know about pre-desserts now.

Hopefully they'll have

the manners that we had and rattle through the bonus course.

Yes.

You know, we would have got through those.

It wasn't manners.

It was because we had like five minutes left with Rylan.

Yes.

Because we've been recording for two hours.

Rylan had to go home.

Yeah, Rylan had to go home.

Of course he did.

He's got stuff on.

Our whole life.

You nearly thanked people in the intro.

I think we can thank people now, James.

Thank you all for listening to us over the years, over these 200 episodes.

It's mad.

It's mad.

Here's to at least 200 more.

Yes, I should coco.

Thank you to Benito for producing all the episodes and doing a lot of work.

Yeah.

Oh, he's done an awful lot of work.

And to everyone at Plosive, it's got a very hard.

Plosive are the hub.

They're the machine.

Yeah, yeah.

This podcast would

not barely last a week without them.

It wouldn't last a week.

No.

This podcast is a steam train.

We are the lads with caps on, with a shovel.

But without the machine, without the...

No, we're holding the shovel.

We're like on an exhibition railway.

We're actors that they've hired to stand looking like we're driving the train.

But in reality, it's Benito and the Plosive gang.

Yeah.

They are the coal.

They are the machine.

They are the tracks.

Yeah, they are.

We just stand around getting the free food.

Yes.

Much like a trade.

Yeah, like a trade.

Thank you to all the listeners.

Thank you to No Context Off Menu, who basically,

you know, keeps us in people's heads without us having to do anything.

Yeah, keeps us relevant.

Yeah, we appreciate that.

Yes, thank you.

Thank you very much to Rylan for hosting and being our genie.

Thanks to your mum, who was

mind the whole thing.

Should probably say there was mention in this episode of the word Bukaki.

And we said specifically to James's mum to not Google that, but she did.

Yeah, she's Googled it on her phone.

Yes,

so you know, that's going to change, I imagine, like the algorithm.

It's going to do something to the algorithm and what my mum gets suggested to her for the next week or so.

So that's a shame.

Of all of the things that came out of the 200th episode, I didn't think it would be your mum googling Bukhaki.

No, I mean, that's, you know,

200 episodes to get there.

Yeah.

Big shame.

But yeah, you know, I guess we're thanking everyone.

Yes, thank you very much.

We're not going to dwell.

We're going to move on.

There's much more, much more to come.

Loads of brilliant episodes in the future.

But thank you very much for listening.

This has been episode 200 of the Off Menu Podcast with their gambler, James A.

Castler.

Thank you.

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And we are the Weirdos Book Club podcast.

We are doing a very special live show as part of the London Podcast Festival.

The date is Thursday, 11th of September.

The time is 7 p.m.

And our special guest is the brilliant Alan Davies.

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