Ep 201: Angela Barnes

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Welcome to the Off-Menu podcast, opening the kindereg of the internet.

Taking out the parts of the little toy

that is humor.

Building the little humor toy, playing with it for a bit, throwing it in the bin, eating the egg.

Kinder surprise.

Kind of surprise.

That's Ed Gamble there.

My name is James A.

Caster.

We own a dream restaurant.

We invite a guest in every single week and ask them their favourite ever, start and main course dessert, cider dish, and drink, not in that order.

And this week, our guest is Angela Barnes.

Angela Barnes, brilliant comedian.

Fantastic comedian, a dear friend.

We've known Angela for many, many years.

Very excited to finally be able to get her on the podcast.

Can't wait to hear what her dream dream meal is her dream menu excited to hear it and it's just nice to catch up with Angela as well isn't it it is very good um last time I saw her was uh the final series of mock the week and Nish and I had had gone back for a little jolly and had forgotten that it's actually very hard yeah it's a hard show and yeah people like Angela really on the ball yeah who have been doing it like way more recently than us really

on every single topic and I felt like I was I was like I'm falling behind Well, yeah, it's nasty.

I watched that episode You two shouldn't have been there.

Yes, it's fair to say it was a disgrace.

Yep Absolute disgrace, but you know who's not a disgrace is Angela Barnes unless Angela picks a secret ingredient.

Yes ingredient which we deem to be unacceptable and then with a heavy heart We'll have to kick Angela Barnes out of the dream restaurant and this week the secret ingredient is Scallop Row Scallop Row the orange bit The orange bit and this now we're getting specific I guess.

I guess this is if if Angela says scallops we'll have to say casually do you want the row on do you want the row on row off row on row off yeah and if she says row on we'll go get out please get out please and then that will be that will be that we'll i don't mind i don't mind it really if i ever lay my hands on some scallops with the row on yeah to cook

i'll just leave the row on well yeah yeah

I think if it's down to me, I'm taking them off.

I don't like the texture.

I don't think they'd add anything flavor-wise, although, you know, I have been to places very fancy places i'll hold my hands up where they say they remove those and then make a separate thing out of it like a sauce or a mousse or something a mousse powder even yeah but i can't say i've ever loved those elements even when they're done in those ways yeah and you just think you ain't making powder at home are you listen i'm not making powder not that kind of powder no what

i make powder at home what do you mean I can't say anything else because the cops might be listening.

Angela Barnes is on tour.

She is touring her show.

Hot Mess.

It's going to be a fantastic show.

Angela's show is always

gag heavy.

Yes.

And fantastically performed.

And so we come into a town or city near you soon.

Make sure you go on her website and look at that.

So this is the off-menu menu of Angela.

Angela Barnes.

Welcome, Angela, to the Dream Restaurant.

Thank you for having me.

Welcome, Angela Barnes, to the dream restaurant.

We've been expecting you for some time.

You don't muck about, do you?

Never.

Never muck about.

I've never been known to muck about in this podcast.

The genie doesn't hang around.

No.

I mean, there's points.

You don't even have to rub anything.

No, exactly.

Yeah, that's the point.

Yeah.

I mean, some people have brought that up

and said, why am I doing that when no one's rubbing?

Also, you're out of the lamp so much as the genie.

Why do you even go back in there?

Well, people can't.

don't see that yeah you've got to bear in mind that between episodes i mean i'm in a lamp for a week yeah so you can't be waiting for someone to rub no you're just gonna yeah fair enough also it'd be an undignified format i think as a guest if we told you you've now got to pretend to rub a lamp and do that i think our guests would be like what'd be the first time in the entertainment industry someone's been asked to rub somebody

to get on with that further their career

also

it'd be fine i i think you'd happily sort of like go through with that format point of like pretend to rub the lamp yeah but when we have people in here that we don't know yeah come on no there's a lot of people who would not have done that.

No, that's when it really shines a light on on your idea, isn't it?

It's fine when it's someone you know well and you're just going look we're mucking about it's just silly.

It's fine.

But then when you come

with Richard Grant's sitting in here, suddenly it's...

Oh, Richard Grant would have rubbed the hell out of that lamp.

He would have rubbed the lamp, but I think when we went to went to America for a couple of weeks to record episodes there, I think every single guest we had there, if we said, rub the lamp, even the actors would have gone, I'm not pretending to do that.

So undignified.

Yeah, that would have been better.

But you would have have rubbed it with

anything i would have rubbed it no problem yeah i've already made it smutty i don't even mean to i'm sorry you've already you've already given your first uh no context off menu quote that'll be tweeted yeah i'd rub anything angela barnes yeah that'll be tweeted straight at you immediately would you describe yourself as a foodie angela not in a master chef sort of way yeah in a i am constantly thinking about what the next thing i'm going to eat is

i think that's i think that's what a foodie is yeah like it's not it doesn't have to be like thinking about what you're going to eat in terms of the highest possible quality of ingredients or anything like that.

But if you're like food focused.

Very food focused.

I wake up thinking about what I'm going to eat.

And while I'm still eating it, I'm thinking about what the next thing I'm going to eat is.

But not in a sort of, oh, what would be the dream thing I could have.

It's how am I going to, when am I going to consume it?

How am I going to fit it into my day?

Yeah.

It is all consuming.

And I panic if I think, what if I get hungry?

I can't remember the last time I felt hungry.

Like, because I panic about feeling hungry.

And you're well organized.

And I'm well organized only when it comes to food but i am yeah being hungry is the worst though isn't it oh god i can't i mean you start to feel faint and lightheaded and i can't be no no and also i think i'm not going to be sharp if i'm thinking about you know i want my brain to feel yeah nourished and um yeah i guess so i think maybe for me if i've just eaten that's when i'm at my my brain's the least sharp yeah for a bit but then you know you've got to time it you don't want to i've made that mistake once i remember being at up the creek in greenwich on a friday night which is a sort of of comedy club that can be a bit tasty.

Especially on a Friday night.

On a Friday night.

And I don't know why I did this, but I had fish and chips before I went on.

I just walked on stage and immediately I was like, oh, I've made a terrible mistake.

I can't think of what, I can't respond to anything.

I'm sluggish.

So I learned my lesson.

You've got to be sharp for that gig.

You've got to be sharp.

You can't have fish and chips before that gig.

I've never done it because I know I'm not sharp enough.

That's a gig where I've walked on stage.

The only gig where this happened, where I walked, it's about 10 years ago now.

I've walked on stage and someone's gone, get back in the kitchen.

wow wow

they'd seen you in the kitchen eating the fish and chips they had yes

could you go and clear it up please do you think you are

sort of some fish batter on your face i might have said this on the podcast before the the first time i emceed up the creek on a friday a man sat at the side of the room first thing he said to me went turn the radiator down mate my nuts are melting off

You've not said that on the podcast before.

When you're MCM again, they do think that you're awesome.

You can do everything.

You're in charge of the entire room.

I've had people when I'm MCing complain about the coat situation.

You know, I couldn't get my coat and the coat.

Nothing's filling me, mate.

I'm not.

Back in the days when I was on the old socials, every single gig before

the whole day leading up to the gig, people tweeting me.

Can I park nearby?

I'm not sorry.

Your car parking for you?

That's the thing.

When I remember doing my first tour, and it's still happening, because I've got a tour on sale now, just

but when you announce your tour and suddenly it's why aren't you coming here why aren't you coming here what are there tickets left for that one it's I'm not the box office yeah and I can only go where they want me it's so it's so disconcerting announcing a tour and then all of the you're like oh I've got a few responses about this and it's all why aren't you coming here it's like but no one's tweeting me going I'm glad you're coming to my place yeah

do you know how long a tour it'd have to be to go to every town in Britain yeah ask Mark Steele he's been doing that radio shoot program for 12 years and he hasn't done every town yet The worst is I'm doing some dates in Australia and I was like, so excited to do it.

And I was like, I'm coming to Australia, guys.

First response, why aren't you coming to Singapore?

Yeah, absolutely brilliant.

Why aren't you, though?

Well, I just...

It's because you're racist.

Yeah, it's because I'm racist and there's no gigs that I'm aware of.

You're a bad man.

I'm a bad man.

My chair's sinking down.

I don't know why my chair is sinking down.

I don't think I tripped anything, but that's what's happened to me.

Yeah.

Don't do anything about it.

I like the idea of just slowly through that.

That will sort of give the podcast a timeframe.

yeah

when i've disappeared i'm back in the lamp

you're a natural beater so your chair is decided yeah

something that high up is that have you got your feet in the lamp is it sucking you back in yeah that's what it is i'm just going winding back into it finally i did a tweet once uh where i just said um yeah i'd announce the dates that all that stuff had happened And so I did a tweet just saying, just so you know, if I'm not coming to your town, the only reason is because I specifically don't like you and you're an awful audience member.

Thinking that'd be funny.

Everyone took it personally.

oh god you just oh thank you very much there's nothing you can say on twitter that someone won't take personally is there's nothing that you can say that won't be oh it's fun isn't it it's a bit of fun though but let's talk about your tour though yeah okay uh the show is called hot mess brilliant title great title thank you yes show i did in edinburgh last year and it was originally about one thing but it's now about something else yeah

yeah what was it originally about well it was originally about i've got adhd like every comedian has but i got diagnosed and sort of so i was doing a show show a bit about that really and then ironically I got distracted so ended up the show being a bit more about certain things that happened during the pandemic

and but it's it's funny but it's also got a little bit of heart I think yeah you're very good at that in your shows thank you Ed because a lot of a lot of people go oh this show's going to be about something it's going to have a it's going to be so emotional and then that's it all goes towards that but yours peppered with jokes like there's always brilliant writing in there oh thanks

if you're coming to a comedy show the bottom line is: if you come away and you haven't laughed, there's a bit of a problem, isn't it?

But there's nothing wrong with

being funny about things that are sad.

Yeah, does that make sense?

But I wouldn't ever do a show that's just here's the story of something terrible that happened.

It's got to have gags in it.

That's the deal, right?

Yeah.

That's the deal, James.

Sometimes we can trick them.

They don't know what the deal is.

Yeah.

I didn't sign nothing.

When they leave, I'm like, I thought you had to laugh.

Yeah.

This chair is pop alone now.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Pretty cool.

we always start with still a sparkling water sparkling i can't believe i listen i'm a fan of the podcast i do i can't believe how many people don't say sparkling water a lot of people more than half i'd say it's a big division

don't they like fun what is what why would you it's fizzy it's it's joy it gives you a little dopamine here that's what i want for my food and my anything i consume i want to get the dopamine hit from it but i'm not getting that from a glass of water i'll drink a glass of still water if I'm really thirsty and I just need to gulp it down.

But obviously sparkling water.

Celebratory.

Celebratory.

I have a glass of sparkling water by my bed.

Well, that's crazy, Andrew.

I think part of it is I've got, like, I have problems with my ears, so I wear sort of hearing aids and things.

But anything sort of internal in my, I can hear because it...

you don't hear it through your ears you know you can hear it sort of through the bones in your skull and stuff so i can hear fizzy water

and that's really exciting it's like oh that's a really loud lovely and it feels like it's sort of okay soothing my ears.

So you're worried that if you were drinking still water at night, you wouldn't be able to know if you were drinking it or not.

It could be anything I'm drinking.

It could be anything because I can't hear it.

Yeah.

I like to be able to hear my drinks.

Is that not normal?

It's like a multi-sensory experience drinking the sparkling water.

We've not had that before.

I think fizzy drinks are a bit, it's a bit like, what's that stuff?

Popping candy, you know?

It's a bit like that, that sort of when you can hear it in your brain and you go, oh, this is mad, this is amazing.

Do you have a pot of that next to your bed as well?

Always.

I've still clicked my teeth with it.

Actually,

what is the best food

to hear?

Oh, that's a good one.

Obviously, anything crunchy is quite good to hear.

I mean, popping candy, I've already said that's I can remember so clearly the first time I had it, it was on the front of a copy of the Beano.

They gave you a phone.

Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah,

in the

space dust as well, space dust, yeah.

Or you used to get Highland toffee sometimes on front of the Beano.

It was that little packet of space dust, and I remember going to the park with my friend and I opened it and I put it in my mouth.

And then I think I thought I was having a seizure.

I started crying.

I was like, something's terribly wrong.

I just always been a hypochondriac.

And I just, and my friend had to be like, oh, no, no, no, it's supposed to do that.

And I was like, no, it's in my head.

I was like, make it, make it stop.

And then when I realised that I wasn't dying, I was like, okay, again, this is good.

Give me another one.

I want more now.

I'm going to get the beano again.

Warheads.

Did you have warheads at that age?

The super sour lemon warheads, these sweets that were like, there's a challenge on the packet for like how long you could last without spitting it out oh like jawbreaker sort of yeah they were like this really like the most sour thing i've ever had in my life

and um yeah we used to try and like properly like do the challenge of how long you could keep it in your mouth for and then they released hot ones

like it was just like yeah super like i mean they were horrible yeah seen those um you know the jelly belly bean thing like the really good flavours but you can get the ones i can't remember what they're called i bought them for my godson once where it's like a russian roulette one and some of them taste of like dirty socks or vomit or whatever and you're supposed to yeah they're pretty great i've never understood that no why would you want to if you're buying yourself sweets yeah why would you want to make sure that some of them taste of vomit or no but it's quite nice to do that to children oh yeah yeah that that you know buy them for children for christmas take the thing they love the most sweets and then

they got to learn yeah that's i i could understand that yeah and also they get really excited about it like especially because of harry potter and stuff and like the birdie bots beans so like, my nephews, if I said to them, like, yeah, some of these taste like, you know, piss and shit,

they would be really excited about it.

They wouldn't.

Until they got one that tasted like shit.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Hey, I thought you were excited.

I don't know if I'd notice.

Because I don't know what shit tastes like.

Come on, you know what it smells like.

Yeah, but I know what it tastes like.

I know you, Ed, I know you know what it smells like.

I do know what it smells like.

Why is it, if you know what it smells like, you know what it tastes like.

But then why does, I've never understood this.

Why does shampoo smell so nice, but taste so horrible?

Like, why does it taste taste like it smells?

Yeah.

And why does it smell chemically, but it tastes chemically?

How do they do that?

So you're saying shit might taste nice?

It might taste like shampoo.

Yeah.

Yeah, it might taste delicious.

Yeah.

Shit might taste like shampoo smells.

Yeah.

Like a tongue twister.

Shit might taste like shampoo smells.

Yeah, I already can't do it.

Yeah.

I like the theory.

I also don't like anything that doesn't taste like it looks.

Like, that's why I've got no desire to go Heston Blumenthal and go, oh, it looks like this, but it's actually mashed potato.

No, I want, I can't deal with that.

I want it to taste like it looks like you must hate that show is it cake I actually love is it cake I do I do love is it cake

didn't have to I thought Ed's gonna have to explain the premise no

I'm not as a fan what's not to love they bring only cake sometimes it's cake sometimes it isn't cake it's so simple and I soon think that there we are those of us you know comedians sitting there writing jokes and scripts

that's all that people want all that they want is it cake yeah if you want to get a netflix series at the minute all you have to do is think of a food competition show yeah it can be anything and i think that they would buy it off you i do watch them have you watched what's one i watched recently pressure cooker did you watch that i watched a bit of pressure cooker it's sort of the witches traitors oh really crossed with master chef kind of yeah that's not to lie they got to say they were faithful and stuff well they sort they sort of form alliances and they bitch about each other so they have to cook and so they're sort of judging on the food but also judging on who do i want to get rid of strategically because they're a better cook than me so i want them gone so being a good cook doesn't doesn't mean you win this is the proper it's like the actual restaurant industry yeah i'm excited about this i've seen it advertised on there and thought like yeah it would be like all the others i didn't know it was like oh no it's good cutthroat reality tv i'm gonna get on that popad's old bread pop dumps or bread angela barns pop dumb sawbread bread obviously bread why i don't get me wrong i love a popadom big fat oily crisp what's not to love but there's so much more choice in bread yeah and i am a bread fan i'm sure everyone says it doesn't like me but i like bread.

I could just eat.

How much does it not like you, though?

It doesn't.

I am sluggish after bread.

But then I do eat too much of it.

I can't.

And I will live on.

I'm not a cook.

I love food, but I hate cooking.

I hate it to my bones.

Luckily, I live with a man who loves cooking.

But I hate it.

So left to my own devices.

My husband goes away.

I'm eating salad cream sandwiches for a week.

That's what I'm doing.

It's just, we'll eat bread because it takes no time and I don't have to think about it.

Salad cream sandwiches.

Angela.

I can't, I can't, that's a pretty big answer.

I'm just going to puke over it.

I love salad cream.

Do you know what one of my favourite?

It almost made it into my list, but I didn't in the end because I couldn't work it in to go with everything else.

One of my favourite comfort foods is a bowl of bird's eye peas mixed with salad cream.

Holy fuck.

That's nice.

Now I would not task that as a comfort food because that would not comfort me at all.

No.

Have you tried that?

Nightmares.

No, but I know all of those ingredients and I can, I know, well, all of those ingredients.

I know peas and I know salad cream and I've eaten from a bowl before,

but I don't think I would enjoy that, though.

That's because you're posh.

See, if you don't, don't you bring class into this.

James, what do you think it sounds like?

I think it sounds revolting.

Yes, you're not a salad cream fan.

No.

Well, I quite like.

Can you accuse James of being posh?

Absolutely not.

He is posher than me.

I mean, in the

there's a gradient here, and I'm at the bottom.

So, this salad cream sandwich you're having when your husband goes away.

Yeah, are you literally just talking about

when i was a student right i i did not eat well as a student because i just i never i wasn't one of these people who go oh yeah these are the recipes my mum taught me my mum worked full-time when i was growing up we had finished krispy pancakes or chicken nuggets or like there was no standing at her knee in the kitchen watching her cook it just didn't happen so i went to university with no cooking skills at all and you know you just we just had like a little one of those um baby belling cookers with two rings on and that was it you know so i just had a loaf of bread and some sour cream in the fridge and some butter, and I would just add white bread, like yeah, you know, obviously, the cheapest Tesco-value white bread.

Yeah, and I'd go, Oh, I'd better eat something if I'm going out drinking.

And I'd have a couple of slices of that, and I wouldn't even, I'd just put the butter on, squeeze the salad cream on, and then just fold it and eat it.

That would be also not even, not too sliced.

Not even two slices and slice it nicely.

No, it's just a little bit of a sweet size or spread the salad cream or just squeeze it up.

No, I just squeeze it on and sort of rub it around a bit to it.

It's not spreading for you, doesn't it?

Otherwise, you've got washing up.

Yeah,

I don't believe in washing up.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

That's a good point.

Now, as a student, I completely understand that.

Yeah, you're saying you still eat those.

Yes, I'm 46.

It always has to be sad.

And my husband's really good.

If he notices the salad cream's getting low, he will go, oh, brought you more salad cream.

It's getting low.

Has to be salad cream in the fridge.

And salad cream's kept in the fridge.

Ketchup, no.

Sally cream, yes.

Okay, you're right.

Because it's just nice and cold.

Yeah.

And yeah, I will often just sometimes I'm so lazy, I just can't, like, putting butter on the bread feels like cooking so I just get the bread and squeeze the salad cream well to be honest actually the butter in there threw me a little bit because I was like I would just think it would be salad cream and bread and actually I think I would rather have if I had to eat one of them I'd go for the just salad cream and bread I don't think I'd have the butter and I'd have the butter for sure it's nicer with the butter

well I believe I'll believe the experts more sort of luxurious and rich I love I love salad cream right but just salad cream and a salad not you're not attempting to put a bit of cheese in you can buy pre-sliced cheese if that's what you're worried about.

No, no, just it just takes away from the salad cream.

I love the maybe it's that same thing as fizzy water.

It gives you that little hit.

I can't hear salad cream.

I feel like I know what it sounds like.

Yeah, so what do the peas do with the salad cream?

How's that work?

I love peas.

Peas are the best vegetable in the world.

No preparation.

They're just in the freezer.

And they're the only thing, they're the only frozen vegetable that doesn't make them horrible.

Do you know what I mean?

It doesn't, I don't, like, I've had fresh peas and I don't think they're better than frozen peas.

Oh, really?

Whereas most vegetables, the frozen version is obviously horrible compared to the fresh version but peas i don't think it's really easy just hot water okay so you are heating them up i am heating them up for a second there because you were like straight out of the freezer here we go straight into the sad cream that's why i mean i need a bit more time if i'm gonna have peas and salad cream yeah of course bread and salad cream when i'm in a rush but i've got stuff to do and then peas and salad cream if i'm feeling like i've got a bit of time i can uh the problem is as well i don't i think about food a lot but i don't think about because i hate cooking yeah i don't think about preparing food myself until i'm already hungry.

Yeah.

Or until it's time to eat.

And so it's all about speed, which is why I eat out too much or I get takeaways too much because I'm not good at, you know, I'm definitely not someone who goes, right, on a Sunday, I'm going to sit down and plan my meals for the week.

It just doesn't happen.

Sure.

Yeah, that's tricky.

Well, and if you did do that, you'd just write pieces, please, and salad cream.

Yeah, yeah, it would all be salad cream.

My HelloFresh delivery is just a box of bread.

You'll be like in the shining when they find out what he's been writing.

Same thing over and over

So your bread, is your bread course the salad cream sandwich?

I don't think it is actually, because there's something I want for my dream.

Can I just say, like, for the in the dream restaurant, I'm assuming that, you know, heart problems aren't a consideration.

Like, we're not worried about cholesterol or brilliant.

It depends.

If it's your dream to have heart problems,

then by all means, welcome them in.

Yeah, we won't block anything you want.

But like, yeah, if you want anything, you know, there's no medical stuff.

It even exists when you're in the restaurant.

So no artists are getting clogged by this menu.

It won't affect you at all.

Brilliant.

In that case, for my bread course, I want something that are called Towtons.

And that's T-O-U-T-O-N-S.

And they're a Newfoundland thing.

So my mum's family are from Newfoundland in Canada.

And they make these for breakfast.

And it's supposed to be like leftover bread though.

When you make bread, it's a leftover.

Obviously, I don't make bread and have leftover bread though.

So I have to have someone else make Towtons for me who can cook.

But they deep fry them and then you eat them with butter and black molasses.

Oh my god, wow.

Traditionally, they were fried in pork fat, right?

So you'd fry them in pork fat and you'd have them with what they call scruncheons, which is like little rendered bits of pork fat.

So like crackling, but in little tiny pieces, that's yummy.

But then you have it with black molasses and butter as well.

And it's just like this sweet fried bread and it's so delicious.

And I've never seen it anywhere but in Newfoundland.

And I want it from a place called Mad Rock Cafe.

Yes.

Which is, there's this hiking trail in a little place called Bay Roberts in Newfoundland.

And it's got this cafe on the hiking trail.

And the people that work there are amazing.

I don't think they've ever left that cafe.

I can't imagine them existing in any other place.

And they, and I went there with Matt, my husband, when we first got together, we went over there and we went into the Mad Rock Cafe.

And I'd never been there before.

And my cousins were like, oh, you got to go, you've got to go.

And they were,

it blew their minds that two English people were in their cafe.

Like, English people don't go there

Absolutely blew them They were getting the staff come and listen to this come listen to this It's amazing and it's it's Mad Rock Cafe and Crafts and so I think the sort of matriarch of the cafe she knits and makes like mittens and socks and so they're on sale in there as well and they are the best homemade towel they are not worried about cholesterol

they will fry it in butter, in pork, fat, in whatever they've got.

And there's just these juicy bits of dough.

and you then you just think well that's not bad enough for me i'm gonna pour pure sugar cane over it at that point you might once you fried it and all the butter and stuff and yeah just go for it right bring on the molasses yeah yeah i think all regular listeners to this podcast have just heard what your breadcourse is and gone we're in for a good episode yeah

and yeah that is a

that is a very specific what i like i mean you know unsurprisingly the first mention of toutons the first mention of toutons we've ever had i hoped that would be the case because i thought well well, I'll bring a little bit of my culture to the podcast.

Also, you're getting it from a certain place

as well.

This is what I like to see

in the dream menus.

It's someone thinking outside the box, going to a certain place to get them, knowing exactly what the dish is.

And I love it when people have something for the bread course that is a proper dish

as well.

Well, bread roll, because I'm a sucker for if I'm in a restaurant and there's bread rolls on the table, I have to eat them because they're there.

And I feel like, I don't know if if a past me grew up in the war and has that whole mentality of you have to eat it all.

I have to eat it all.

Otherwise, you know, there's the whole, there's children starving.

So

stupid thing to say.

We can do send it to them.

I don't know.

But the idea that I will eat the bread and then it will ruin my dinner.

And it doesn't matter that I know that.

Yeah.

If the bread's in front of me, I'll eat it.

So I want it to be a dish that I've...

chosen to have rather than just go, oh, now I've eaten all the bread and now.

And it feels like part of the meal.

So if you are a little bit full, it doesn't matter because you've you've already had a really nice dish.

Exactly.

Exactly.

You're not full up on just boring bread and rolls.

You're full up on something yummy.

On toutons.

And I'm a firm believer that salt, fat, and sugar is what makes everything nice, right?

I'm not going to shy away from those things.

And anyone who comes on here and says they're having grilled fish and salad are lying to themselves.

It's rare, but it does happen.

Yeah.

There's that next series, that salt, fat, acid, heat.

And I was like, where's the sugar episode?

Yeah, yeah.

Excuse, excuse the fuck, what?

Where is it?

Well, I guess fat and acid is in puddings, right?

It should be a sugar episode.

Yeah, they definitely should.

I'm very team sugar.

Yes.

I know you're I have a medical aversion.

I'm still team sugar.

Yeah.

Yeah, because you can't.

I remember once getting in a car with you and you had a packet of cherry tomatoes and you described them as diabetic haribo.

And I thought, you're just kidding yourself, mate.

I'm sorry.

I know you asked me.

I was definitely kidding myself.

I was probably kidding you as well.

Stop calling it.

Try out material and other comics in the

off stage.

I just remember saying that, and I never used that on stage.

Thanks, Angela.

Yeah, he's like a new show that I'm like, that's straight in.

They're going to walk on stage or eating a punnet of cherry tomatoes.

I thought we'd say on stage eating chubby.

So I'm not.

Chevy, cherry tomatoes.

I don't play for Team Sugar, but I'm an avid supporter from the sidelines.

So you're watching, you're not offended by Team Sugar.

Because I don't, I just, people who say, I don't have a sweet tooth or I don't like sweet things, are the same people who say they like jazz.

They don't.

They've just learned to say that because they think it makes them look like a grown-up.

Yeah.

And they've even started to believe they like jazz.

They don't like jazz.

No one likes jazz.

Of course they don't like jazz.

But they've said it so much they believe it.

And that's like, oh, I only like dark chocolate, 70% cocoa.

No, you don't.

No one does.

I like all chocolate.

I do like the dark stuff.

It's fine if there's nothing else, but if you've got a mint aero here and a 70% cocoa fancy thing, mint aero all day every day.

I do disagree with that.

If that's the

oh, are you not a mint chocolate fan?

Don't mind it, but I would rather eat the 70% chocolate.

But you're you're wrong

but that's fine but you can have the aero and i'll have the 70 okay yeah then we can we can coexist correctly here's a here's a controversial take for you i prefer the mint aero balls to the uh actual mint aero chocolate bar

i can understand that is it to do with surface area area coverage

it just tastes different that it's a bit creamier there's something creamier about the take the texture of it also i think a mint aero is too fragile to have to snap a block off yeah yeah yeah you do it makes a mess when you snap it whereas the the aero balls balls

you whack them in and whack up

no admin yeah no admin

oh yeah not one at a time those balls chocolate mint or chocolate orange what's your uh i'd go i'd like both but i'd go chocolate mint see i i love chocolate mint and chocolate orange i couldn't they made me decide be like deciding between my twins i'm gonna do it yeah but i love that i've never seen someone set up a hypothetical situation that they have no absolutely no plan on answering themselves that they couldn't do chocolate mint or chocolate orange i couldn't decide personally yeah i could never never do it i could never do it

i can't believe i've asked you i'm sorry here's a question yeah as someone who likes food to look like what it is what if i gave you what looked like a terry's chocolate orange but was actually chocolate mint how would you feel about that i'd ask you what i'd done to hurt you yeah yes

why would you do that to me

james we've known each other a long time yeah why would you

be so weird that would be really weird my husband really takes mickey out of me for this because he thinks i'm the only person on the planet who thinks this i love orange and chocolate i love mint and chocolate, banana and chocolate.

But I can't abide any red fruit with chocolate.

Like, I know cherry and chocolate's a thing.

I know people love it, but they're wrong.

It's disgusting.

I hate it.

I can't, red fruit and strawberries and chocolate, raspberries and chocolate.

No.

Really?

Yeah.

So you don't like strawberries dipped in chocolate?

Absolutely.

I love chocolate.

Pretty sexy, though, Angela.

Strawberries.

I don't know.

Strawberries dipped in chocolate.

Pretty sexy.

Pretty sexy.

I'm afraid an Aero is sexier.

I mean, Aero.

Yeah.

Definitely.

Melt that down.

Amazing.

People love strawberries and chocolate.

That's sex horrific.

I love strawberries and I love chocolate, but together it's just this is something not my taste buds don't know what to do.

Am I eating strawberries?

Am I eating chocolate?

I don't like it.

Move.

That's why it's sexy.

Yeah, yeah, because that's what sex is, right?

But you don't know what to do.

You're all like, oh no.

What's happening?

What is this?

Is this me?

Is it you?

My dad.

It doesn't look like what it tastes like.

Cherry and chocolate is my dad's favourite combo.

So he's going to be upset when he hears this.

David, you're a little bit of a dad.

David, David, David, a Caster, no.

It's his favourite.

He loves it.

He loves the Gower Brownies.

Gower Cottage.

Is that what it is?

They do a cherry version of those.

Oh, that's.

He's a happy man.

I don't know why.

I love the two things separately, but together I can't.

And whenever we watch...

My husband, I love MasterChef.

We watch Master Chef together.

That's real appointment viewing in our house.

Whenever they combine cherries with chocolate, I'm like, oh, they fucked it.

They were doing so well.

Absolutely.

I wish you were one of the judges.

Just walking around the different benches.

And what are you doing?

Cherries and chocolate?

Fucked it.

Fucked it.

Bye.

I always think, so obviously you judge a cookie show, right?

What happens when it's something that you personally don't like?

Because they could obviously do a beautiful cherry chocolate thing that everyone loves because most people like it.

It would make me gag to eat it.

But I'd have to acknowledge that, you know,

before you answer it.

This is the best question anyone's ever asked you on the podcast.

Okay.

On this podcast.

People have asked us before about stand-up.

I couldn't give a shit.

But this is a very good question.

I'm interested to hear Ed's answer.

And I cannot say that

often on this pod.

Personally, there's very few things that I don't like.

Right.

There's nothing that I would eat that would make me gag in the same way as cherries and chocolate would make you gag.

Right.

But there are sometimes things where I'm like, it's not, I wouldn't choose it.

Yeah.

And it's not necessarily something I'm wild about.

And in that scenario, you do have to sort of divorce yourself from the taste, the personal taste aspect, and work out if they've managed to get the taste that they wanted to across onto the plate.

So it's more about technique.

Right, yeah.

And you look at the other judges and go, is this a good one?

Basically,

ask Tom Kerridge if they've done it.

Sounds like a good one.

Always ask Tom Kerridge.

In fact, just every time anything comes.

Tom, is this nice?

I seem to like it too much.

I like it if Tom likes it.

Do you ever really like to look at Tom and see his face go on?

We do disagree quite a lot.

Yeah.

The thing I can't, I definitely wouldn't be able to do is I'll look at a plate on MasterChef and go, that looks a bloody mess.

And they'll go, beautifully presented.

Yeah, yeah.

And then I'll look at one and go, oh, does that look lovely?

And they'll go, what's this mess?

And I'm like, what am I not seeing that you're seeing?

I don't know.

If it's just not been dolloped out of a bowl, then it's pretty, right?

It's yeah.

Voice of it has been dolloped out of a goddamn bowl these days.

Am I right?

Yeah.

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Okay,

this has been so hard.

I do that bowl of peas and salad cream down as a potential, but I'm not going to go with it.

If you pick that, no,

I've been sick.

Again, I'll reiterate how there's nothing healthy in my diet whatsoever, but mine is a deep-fried haggis.

Oh, yeah.

To start, I love haggis so much, but I like when you have haggis in a nice restaurant, they give you a piddly little bit of haggis.

And I like, you know, city restaurant in Edinburgh.

Yeah.

Not city cafe, but city restaurant, the one that's open late late at night with a red front.

And the same woman has worked.

I first went to Edinburgh in 1995 and she was there.

Yeah, yeah.

And she's still there.

She was there this year.

And I have a deep-fried haggis supper.

Haggis and chip.

It's disgusting and beautiful.

And there's so much haggis in it.

And I have to stop.

I'd have it every day left to my own.

I have to stop my, I walk past City.

I have to cross the road, walk the other side of the road to stop myself going in and ordering one.

It's just so cheap and so

yummy.

Isn't that Pie Maker across the the other side of the road?

Yes, I end up at a Haggis party instead of Dover.

One of us, terrible mistakes.

Well done, Angela.

You've had

that sounds delicious.

I mean, Haggis, you know, very underrated outside of Scotland.

Everyone like, you know, turning up their noses when they're...

It's when you're a little kid.

Yeah.

And someone tells you what's in it and you get all silly about it because you're immature.

And then people just like...

carry that through to adulthood, which is ridiculous.

A grown person saying, oh, I couldn't eat it.

It's like, grow up.

That's what I say to you.

You eat a sausage.

If you eat a sausage, you can eat a haggis.

I don't know why grow up or shut up for the background.

Really?

It's one or the other.

Fine, you can find that haggis disgusting or be weird and squeamish about stuff, but just shut up.

Yeah, let me enjoy my haggis.

I'm going to eat my haggis.

Are you putting any sauce on it?

The sauce from the city mentioned.

So it's the sort and sauce that Edinburgh, I don't like.

It's like brown sauce thinned with vinegar.

Yeah, it's like really thin brown sauce.

Yeah, so good.

It's so, oh God, I love it.

I really want one.

I could cry.

Because you you can't get it anywhere.

But every time I go, I gig in Scotland, it's the first thing I want to do when I get there.

And I had this awful, I was doing

a, I think it was a tour show maybe in Glasgow, and I was so excited.

I was like, I'm going to do what I've got to do, and then I'm going to buy a haggis supper, and I'm going to eat it, and it's going to be amazing.

And then I think I had to get an early train the next morning.

So I did the show.

I went to the Chippy.

I got there just as it was closing.

And I got it back to the hotel.

And I was quivering with excitement because I hadn't had one before.

I opened it.

And

they give me a deep-fried pizza.

Oh, no.

And I actually cried.

Oh, yeah, I'm actually,

I'm very emotionally invested in that story just now.

So I know exactly what that feels like.

You can't wait.

I was so on the train up.

I'd been excited all through the recording.

I couldn't concentrate.

I was so excited about my haggie supper.

And have you had deep-fried pizza?

It is horrible.

So I tried to eat a bit because it was there.

Yeah.

What are you doing to.

Yeah.

And it's cheap pizza.

It's like horrible.

It's bad pizza.

It's like freezer pizza.

It's like co-op pizza.

Yeah, like the little ones.

Yeah.

And it's just, there's no flavor in it.

There's no, and it wasn't a haggis.

And I actually cried because I was leaving early the next morning.

I couldn't.

That is the saddest.

And do you know what?

I posted about it on Facebook.

I was so upset.

I posted about it on Facebook.

A lovely.

Do you know Susan Morrison?

She's a Scottish comic.

She posted me some haggis because she felt so sad for me.

A fried haggis.

It was a deep fries.

Yeah, because

I dripping out the jiffy bag.

Thinking of you, Angela.

The only

Is this Sadda?

No, maybe it is.

I was going to do the New Zealand Comedy Festival.

Every year, there was this place, honey trap, it was called, cafe.

Did the best sandwich I'd ever had in my life, this beef brisket sandwich.

Oh.

Every year, looking forward to it.

One year, the whole flight there, which let's not forget, it's like a day and a half.

Yeah.

Really excited about it.

Got there.

Straight to the place, essentially the little arcade the shop's in, closed.

Closed for good, closed for life.

They put that on the window.

They said, close for good, closed for life.

I I was absolutely devastated.

Did you track down the chef?

No, but they put on their website the recipe for the sandwich.

So me and my girlfriend at the time tried to make it.

We didn't nail it, but it was still...

Scratched the itch a bit.

It was a, we felt like we'd paid our respects to the honey trap.

So if City Restaurant ever closed,

I can't even speak.

I'd be so upset.

There's no way that place is.

I'd be so worried for that lady who's worked there forever.

That's what she does.

We've only h heard two of your courses so.

Apologies, but we could.

So both of them are in places where you think the people who work there never leave that place.

That's what you seem to like.

I do like that.

You want that feeling, don't you?

You want that feeling.

It's like that feeling you get with your teachers that they live at school.

If I bumped into the haggis lady and she came to my show, I'd get out.

What you've got haggis to cook.

Would you recognise her, though?

Absolutely.

Wouldn't you be like, out of context, you'd be like...

I imagine she would be wearing the apron.

Yes.

She has like a little black shirt, a black skirt and a black apron that she wears, and she'd be wearing that, obviously.

Yeah, and

a hair net.

And a hair.

Yeah, I'd spot her in the audience.

Your dream main course?

This was so hard, but

I've narrowed it.

It's got to be something from a German Christmas market.

I'm a really big, I love Germany.

I love German history.

I love learning about it.

I love speaking German.

I love everything about Germany.

And I love going to Berlin for Christmas.

We were there a few weeks before Christmas this year.

And

nothing, it's the most comfort you can get from a food, food and environment together is eating hot food at a German Christmas market with a glass of glue wein.

And

my tip, if you're going to a German Christmas, don't, because they get a bit fancy, some of them.

Don't get, if they accept card payments, don't eat there.

Only eat at the ones where it says Nurba.

It'll say Nurba or Nurbar Gelder.

That means just cash, cash only.

Go there because they'll be more traditional.

And usually served by a man with an amazing moustache, usually.

And they've such brilliant names like Kutoffelpuffer.

Or that's like these potato pancakes.

Or Keser Spetzel, which is like a cheese macaroni type.

dish that's their sort of version of macaroni cheese but a bit different but my favorite thing is um it's a liver dish like calves liver but sort of it's obviously been cooking for about 47 years this in this vat and it's so tender and so soft and it's with apples and onions it's I think it's mostly in Berlin Christmas it's a real Berlin speciality so Berliner Leiber it's called and you have that with what they call grunkole which is this cabbage which has again been cooking forever and it's got onions and herbs and stuff in it but it's just together it's just this bowl of liver and cabbage but in the right environment it's the best taste of the world.

And it's so warming and Christmassy, and your cheeks are cold, and your hands are cold, but your insides are hot.

And it's the best.

Yeah, that sounds.

I mean, you've sold it wonderfully.

Yes.

But when you really narrow down what it is, you did say it's a bowl of liver and cabbage.

It is a bowl of liver and cabbage.

It's a bowl of liver and cabbage.

You've brought us there, though.

Maybe the first time someone's main course has been liver.

Possibly.

I love liver.

When I was a kid, my nan used to cook liver when I was a kid, but she'd cook it.

It was like boot leather.

So I thought I hated liver, and it was dry.

And so I just assumed I hated liver.

But then when you have liver that's been slow cooked, and it's that lovely soft sort of one with a nice sauce with onions and ah.

Calves' liver is beautiful.

So nice.

I love calves' liver.

The listeners won't be surprised to hear that.

Yeah.

That he loves liver, specifically from a calf.

Well, calves, it's different.

It's a different texture.

Sure.

Lamb's liver is the one that everyone used to have and hate because it just overcooks and goes all rubbery.

Yeah.

Calves' liver, if you cook it right, it's soft, delicious.

calves liver bacon mashed potato onion gravy hello it's lovely again

i do think i was alive in the war i think i must have i love offal i love haggis i love liver i'm not squeamish about eating offal at all yeah

we've gone from haggis to liver haggis to liver pet some people are going to be listening to this menu going this is awful i know people will hate it haggis liver what's your side dish at witches grop

i mean you could have done a shout out to the salad cream and peas

it's not not made it on there, but you know.

Is this the most sophisticated menu you've ever had?

Is it?

It kind of feels simultaneously is and isn't.

Yeah, actually, I think it's both.

What is it about...

Because German Christmas markets do feel like...

Yeah, like they do feel so authentically Christmassy.

What is it about Germany where they managed to nail that?

I'm not sure what it is.

I think it's a sort of...

Lots of places in Europe nail it, like Switzerland nails it as well.

I remember doing gigs just before Christmas in Switzerland with with Sean McLaughlin and we got the most lost I've ever been in a Zurich Christmas market to the point where we thought we live here now and I think that'll be fine.

Like I could live here now.

It'd be all right.

I went to an Estonian Christmas market once and I loved it and it was amazing.

I don't know why it's like that part of the world.

I think we can't do them as well here because it's so rare that we get a crisp cold day.

It's usually December is grey and drizzly.

That's not Christmassy.

Whereas Berlin is cold at Christmas and it's that sort of cold but sunny and your cheeks hurt, but it's nice and you need that sort of weather, I think.

And they just do it better.

The food's amazing.

We were there, let's say, in December.

We had fondue.

We had, we ate at the Christmas market.

We didn't go to any restaurants.

We ate at the Christmas market every night because I just love the food from there.

And it's my happy place.

We were supposed to go the year before and I got COVID, so we couldn't go.

And so I was really champion at the bit to get back to, and I love Germany anyway, and I love Berlin particularly.

and I go because I'm a Cold War nerd so I go you know spend the day look go to the starsy buildings or looking at bunkers or whatever and then in the evening go to the and I've been on my own like I used to go to my on my own to Berlin and it's nice I do all the geeky history stuff during the day if you're on your own there's no one going oh bored yeah yeah yeah can we get some food there's no one doing that and then as a sort of woman traveling on my own a Christmas market is a nice place to go and eat have a drink without having to sit in a bar on my own and just wander around the most of the moment until sort of 11 or midnight and then go back to the hotel.

It's just a lovely way to.

And is the liver, this dish, is it quite popular at the Christmas market or is it something that you specifically like?

It's quite popular at the Berlin ones, particularly this liver dish.

Yeah.

What were you imagining?

The manager was like, I was wondering.

Okay, I've got an idea.

Have you got any liver?

Imagine if I don't like any of this stuff you've got on offer.

I mean, is it like,

don't worry, specifically, it was the wrong word.

Yeah.

I was just wondering.

Is this something that you asked them to make?

Does that have a message?

I just went, I love what you're doing here.

I've got some carbs living.

I just wondered if you could just knock me up something.

You never know.

I don't know how accommodating is Christmas.

It's Christmas.

They make wishes come true.

If I told them it was what I'd asked Santa for, maybe.

Yeah, yeah.

They've got their own dream restaurant.

So is there a long queue when you have to go for this?

Yeah, often there is.

Yeah, sometimes you have to wait.

Is that what you're trying to ask?

Yep, yeah.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Sometimes I after cue.

I love my um because I say I went with my husband who doesn't speak any German at all.

Yeah.

And I'm quite proud.

I've got to a point in my German proficiency now where in Berlin, if I talk to someone in German, they don't talk back to me in English.

It's really nice to get to that level.

It takes a while.

But I think I've got there now.

Whereas my husband doesn't speak any as well, but he likes to try, you know, so I'll tell him what to ask for and he'll go up and order it.

But then if they say anything back to him, he's screwed.

He can't deal with that at all, you know.

So I have to always go with him and order.

Just lag him off and stuff in Germany.

Yeah, of course, yeah.

But this prick hasn't even bothered to learn another angle.

So typically English.

Yeah.

Oh, I'm embarrassed, to be honest, to be with him.

That's what I say.

Does he like the liver?

He likes the liver.

Yeah.

Yeah.

He's another offal fan.

That sounds romantic, doesn't he?

Yeah, we eat a lot of offal together.

That's how we met.

Because otherwise, you'd have to tell him what, eat up and shut up or whatever it is.

What's it called?

Grow up or shut up.

Grow up or shut up.

Grow up or shut up.

Yeah, we'd do me with somebody have to tell him.

We had offal at our wedding.

Was there a steak?

Because we had Prime Minister Pie and Mash already.

So you really are taking a risk where you cross the road to get away from that city restaurant.

Yeah.

Your dream side dish.

Okay, I'm going back to my Newfoundland roots again here a bit.

I'm sure you've had this before on the podcast, but I'm going to say poutine on the side, but from a specific place.

Yeah.

Great.

Because there's a lot of posh poutine about, and I'm not, you know, fine, have posh poutine, whatever, but proper street poutine.

just peas and salad cream

and cheese curds to it but yeah

there's um

in Newfoundland in St John's the capital there's um an area called George Street which is the sort of party area if you like there's not it's a tiny place so it's tiny but it's all it's very Irish Newfoundland like my granddad everyone thought was Irish to have Irish accents with a sort of tinge of Canadian um it's a mad accent it's a mad accent I can't even I mean I've grown up around that I can't do it but watch come from away yeah i went to see come from away and i was like the hell these people are making this up surely it's so it's funny because i went to see come from away and it's lovely it's just like listening to my family speak and but i went with a friend who's english came away went those accents are terrible they've i was like no they were spot on people assume it's a bad canadian accent they're doing but it's not it's like oh no that is that is how they talk google newfoundland accents and uh that's crazy it's beautiful it's uh meritheast town is that anything to do with that area or is that because cape wins was doing an accent in that's in america isn't it yeah okay yeah with newfoundland it was a lot of settlers from Ireland and Wales settled there in the 16th century or whenever and one of the one of the sad things about it is one of the only places I think in the world to have a complete genocide because none of the native Americans left like they all died out I think the last one was alive in the 1800s because they were all just it's a fishing community like it's all cod fishing and they obviously the Europeans came took over the fishing ports around the edge pushed all the natives inland but there was nothing to eat and they all died out lovely tell us about the the pentagon.

That's my family.

I'll be honest, Andrew, it's the first time we've talked about liver as a dish.

First time we've heard about

peas and salad cream.

And it's the first time the phrase complete genocide has been used.

Yeah, I'd say.

Also, you teed up the story with, this is a bit sad.

Nothing.

I nearly jumped in with, well, probably don't tell that on the comedy podcast then.

But before I go, the phrase complete genocide

had already been done.

Yeah,

so so Poutine, yes, um, there's a little truck on George Street.

When you come out of the pub, instead of getting a kebab or whatever, you go to the Poutine truck and it's called Ziggy Peel Goods.

I mean, um, it's like

there can be more up James' Street, right?

I looked at Ed, and he's not even looking at me, he's like, Don't don't look at him now because he's he knows I'm gonna love Ziggy Peelgood.

So, you know, Ziggy Peelgood, Ed?

Oh, no, I'm a big fan of Ziggy Peelgoods, but I just know it's so up James's Street.

Yeah.

And you'll be hearing that name a lot in the rest of the episode.

Oh well, that's brilliant.

Brilliant.

Yeah.

Ziggy Peel Goods.

Every other food you mention, it'll be like, does Ziggy Peelgood do any of that?

And Will.

No, I'm not fucking a single.

He'll do it.

He'll do it anyway.

Still do that.

Yeah.

Funny enough.

Yeah, it's got a good idea.

You've had a few beers.

You've had a few beers.

You You go to Ziggy Peel Goods and you queue up.

There's always a queue.

And you get there and you can have the classic poutine, your chips, cheese curds and gravy.

Or you can have their deluxe poutine, which is the one I like, which has dressing on it.

And dressing is the only way I could describe it, it's like Paxo stuffing before you cook it.

It's sort of like flavoured dust, basically.

It's breadcrumbs with sage and onion and stuffing, but they don't make it into stuffing.

They just sprinkle it on all-dressed chips, right?

All-dressed chips.

All-dressed chips, man.

Never heard about this.

That Montreal.

Oh, my goodness.

But the best crisp flavour ever.

Ah, okay.

I've not had that.

That is my one task if I go to Montreal is to bring those back for my wife.

The dressing flavour.

Huge.

Like, yeah, all-dressed chips.

It's like the sort of spicy, sweet, salty, like every flavour in there.

Yeah.

It's amazing.

On poutine as well.

I can imagine that's a good thing.

On poutine is so good.

It's really nice.

Like dressing.

on a hot turkey sandwich is what it was between poutine you can't really have a hot turkey sandwich as a side dish but a hot turkey sandwich is just it's white bread yeah just like your mother's fried white bread with with turkey in and then gravy poured over it and then you have vegetables and uh dressing on the side

that's one of the first things we have when we get to newflund my husband loves hot turkey sandwich does ziggy peel good sell those they don't sell them it's just poutine poutine all the way because you can't peel a turkey no

famously

you can't peel it good anyway you can't peel it very good but you can peel the poutine you can peel the poutine yeah man so ziggy peel good does the the standard one and the deluxe one.

You want the deluxe one?

I want the deluxe one so it's got the dressing.

Yeah.

He does various different toppings.

He does one with like bacon bits or he does like a Mexican poutine.

Forget it.

I want traditional, but I want it with dressing.

Is Ziggy a guy that works there?

I don't know if Ziggy is an actual person.

Like it's um there's I think I've seen different people in there serving.

Right.

But do they claim to be Ziggy Peelgood when they're serving?

I mean obv obviously everyone's hey Ziggy when you get there, you know

I think for the duration that you're in the van you are Ziggy.

You are Ziggy.

Ziggy's a feeling more than a person.

It's like

the doctor.

Yeah.

It regenerates and it's like a different person is Ziggy Peelgood.

Exactly.

Yeah.

And the van is the tardest.

Everyone's excited about who's going to be Ziggy Pilgood next.

Everyone gets angry if it's a woman.

You can't have a lady Ziggy?

Yeah, yeah.

The house lady Ziggy Peelgood.

Ziggy Peelgood is a man and always has been.

Well, I think the Ziggy Peelgood's poutine with the dressing sounds great.

I think it's a great thing.

I very nearly, I have to tell you, I very nearly went for something a bit out there.

I very nearly had

as my side dish a McDonald's hot apple pie.

Ah.

And the only reason is I don't particularly, I'm not particular, I don't mind them.

They're fine, you know.

But I used to get them all the time.

When I was on tour with my support act, it was always the lovely Phil Gerrett, who's sadly no longer with us.

But Phil was a real enabler when it came to late night McDonald's.

And he still is, because when I come home from a gig late at night now, and I sit, I get that, I think I'm going to have a McDonald's.

And usually I can talk myself out of it, but then I'm like, but it's what Phil would do.

So even beyond the grave, Phil Jeffard is making me eat McDonald's late at night.

But it used to upset him so much that I'd have an apple pie.

Like Phil Jevard, if you've never seen him do stand-up, king of the rant, like so good at ranting.

And I would get one just because I know it would make a rant happen.

Because I don't know why, but he was so angry that they existed.

Really?

Yeah.

And I really don't know why like we'd go to a drive-in if he was driving and and he would be ordering and go could you get me a hot apple pie he'd go no I'd have to lean over go apple pie please because he refused to order it and then I'd get it and go get out of my car and get out of my car so now and again you convince yourself to have a McDonald's because it's what Phil would have wanted

but you nearly put apple pie onto this menu because it's exactly what Phil wouldn't have wanted exactly because I miss hearing impacts.

Yeah, yeah.

And it just would make I can hear him.

If I'm eating a hot apple pie, I can hear a Phil Jared rant in my head.

We can throw an apple pie in any way, I'm sure.

Yeah, we can throw an apple pie.

I love that with the poutine, as I say.

Phil would hate my McDonald's order.

Oh, yeah.

Oh, what's yours?

Podcast.

Grilled chicken wrap with a cup.

No, guess how.

Let's guess what?

Maybe this will win you over.

With a bag of carrots?

Because the carrot sticks?

Look at me.

Why are you going to McDonald's?

Yeah.

I only go when it's like the only place that's open.

Like, really late at night and I need something.

Yeah, you know really late at night where you're like, oh fuck it, I'll have a bag of carrots.

I'm off on the way back from a gig or something.

I'm sober as a judge.

And I don't want to feel bad at the end of the day because I'm not hammered.

So I'll end up just getting the healthiest thing that they've got.

So that I don't feel like...

Bad.

I used to respect you on this podcast because you, you know, stood up for sugar and you stood up for dessert.

And the joy of eating.

And the joy of eating.

And

you don't have to grow up.

You can enjoy sugar and sweet pigs forever.

But you're going to McDonald's and you're eating carrots.

It upsets me they even offer salad because if I want a salad, I go to a place that does good salads.

Yeah.

You know who would like those carrots?

Ziggy peel good?

Diggy?

Because

they were appealed to perfection.

They would peel good.

They appealed good.

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Your dream drink.

My dream drink, until very recently, would have had to be a beer of some description.

John Robbins once described is a thing that I just love this badge of so much.

He called me one of, what was it, one of our generation's great pints folk,

which I really like that because I was always an ale girl.

We had, again, at our wedding, we had beer on the tables instead of wine because every wedding I've ever been to, they supply wine.

And I've had to buy a beer

because I don't want the wine.

So I thought, well, at my wedding, they can buy the wine and drink my beer.

So that's what we did.

And so we had beer and cider on the tables.

But unfortunately, I've recently become somehow intolerant.

Oh, no.

It's awful.

It happened really quickly.

And now two beers and the next day's write-off, which is very upsetting.

But I got given some good advice, which is, don't worry, this is just temporary.

Well, I'm a woman of a certain age and I've got to get through the next few years.

But your friend is tequila is what I was told.

And 100%, if you drink 100% agave tequila, no hangovers.

So a margarita.

Yes.

Great.

And specifically, so when this came about, I got really upset because I love my beers.

And so my husband, bless him, took it upon himself to really experiment with margaritas.

He's had some disasters.

We don't talk about the horseradish margarita anymore.

Oh, my God.

It's ambitious.

It was disgusting.

You know that feeling like if you have too much horseradish or too much wasabi and it you just feel like sinuses and it was like that but yeah, it was then it's a horrible bit.

It was a had he heard about that anywhere or did he just think I'm gonna try a horseradish?

He'd read about it I think and he ordered like it was all very oh I've got to buy this horseradish powder I'm buying online and I was like this powder rather I don't know this all sounded so I sort of left him to it and it was yeah it was horrible.

Yeah.

But he makes very nice ginger margarita but his best is his chili margarita.

Nice.

Amazing.

so and and obviously with a salt rim yes um because we're not worried about cholesterol or heart problems in this yeah so yeah i would like like a jug of my husband's chili margarita very nice

i love it is there much ice in it is there like a is it a frozeny kind of does he no

he has done frozen ones which are nice but this is no this is just straight up no ice no i don't like ice in my drinks i don't i drink i'll drink Coke like warm rather than put you know I'd rather have it room temperature

than put ice in it.

It waters it down and also it makes my teeth hurt so yeah both good reasons both good reasons i like a frozen margarita though i don't mind it it's what it's a grown-up slush puppy right that's yeah slush puppy i like that i like that sort of ice where it's like part of ice is part of the drink yeah exactly yeah when it's cubes and stuff

you get a cocktail with like bits of ice floating around in it livid absolutely livid and also when you if you order a drink in a pub or something and it's hot that's just their way of you know giving you less drinks i always ask for no ice all those cocktails with big cubes in them

Matt has those.

My husband has those in the because he likes whiskey.

Yeah.

He'll sometimes put one ice cube in a whiskey, but he has these big square ice cubes as well that he sometimes will put that in because then it's take up the whole glass.

Yeah, it's just still pretty cool.

You know who I think looks like they stink?

Ziggy Peelgood.

I would never say that about Ziggy Peelgood.

I'm sorry, Angela.

Ed said that.

I've never taken Ed Gamble to Ziggy Peelgoods ever.

The slush puppy puppy.

no way man what are you talking about it looks disgusting that slush puppy puppy looks rank no way half of what puts me off i bet it just smells like a like a that wet dog smell that slush puppy that's what i think well you're imagining him covered in his own slush right yeah well

if you're making slush puppies all day you're gonna get wet and if you're a dog and you're wet you're gonna smell yeah it doesn't i think it's a i think it looks disgusting that slush puppy and they should get it off of the branding because like it puts me off nine times out of ten i'm not getting a slush puppy that little rank thing looking it's called a slush puppy

yeah it's called a slush puppy you can call it something yeah call it a slush puppy still and absolutely or whatever but like don't have that puppy on there with his little like woolen hat as well i think that makes it worse little beanie that it's we've been working in slushes slush puppy machines are so old now like it's such an old 80s thing they're often quite faded the slush puppy machines often a bit they look a bit sad don't they look

and sad i get that that makes it look like he stinks even more this is the most i've thought about slush puppies ever i think i think it'd be a sad day when you walk into Kettering Leisure Centre and there's not a slush puppy machine there.

I think you'd be sad on that.

That would be sad, but like I wouldn't mind if I walked in there and there's a slush puppy machine, but the actual stinky slush puppy's not on there.

I'll be happy just to not see it.

How would you know it's a slush puppy machine?

Hopefully it would say the word slush puppy on it.

But it could be made by anyone.

But then that would make you think of the slush puppy, right?

Well yeah, then it's in your mind anyway.

Might as well do it.

I guess they need a new mascot who looks a bit cleaner and looks a bit less rank than that little another animal.

Maybe another maybe

slush pussy.

I can't believe it.

The most disgusting thing.

Even if I'd thought that, even I wouldn't have said it.

Yeah, but

I am

like it.

Yeah, yeah.

Big laugh from Angela.

He knows his audience.

He knew you'd absolutely love Splash Pussy.

There's not many people he'd say that in front of.

Yeah, that's true.

Launched right into it.

That's true.

I didn't say that in front of Sir Lenny Henry.

Yeah, yeah.

That would have played a silence and we would have all felt sad after the episode.

Oh, dear.

I think you'd love a slush pussy in a premiere in.

Slush pussy in a premiere in.

Oh, God.

I don't know.

It's a good James Bond film.

I've never seen a James Bond film.

I don't know.

Pussy is a James Bond film.

I know.

Slush pussy.

I'm trying to join in, but I'm just trying to make it less.

How about an animal?

I'm just going to try to bring this back.

How about an animal that should be wet, like a slush duck?

Yeah, but if you say an animal that should be wet, it's going to say slush pussy.

Slush ducky would work.

Slush ducky.

I can handle slush ducky.

Yeah.

And the ducky can be called Ziggy Pilgood if you want.

I think that's even cooler.

You can't peel a duck.

You can't peel a duck.

You can, but only once.

They'll put you in prison.

Yeah, yeah.

I think slush ducky I would absolutely be fine with.

Slush ducky.

Yeah.

Yeah, that's way less rank than the puppy.

Or like an Arctic animal, I guess, like a polar bear.

Yeah, but then I don't.

Slush beary.

I don't know.

I think slush ducky yeah it's fun yeah I think slush ducky sounds more fun than slush puppy as well if we can start like a high-end slush business like yeah slush duckies let's do it a fancy slush business and take and take out slush puppy once and for all it's gotta have like it's good profit margins it's just ice

ice and like syrup basically isn't it yeah all you'd really have to do to wipe them off the face of the earth is just up your ratio of syrup because obviously everyone's main uh complaint about slush puppies is you know two slurps and all the flavours gone and it's just ice.

So all you got to do is shift the balance.

Yeah, you're so right.

You're going to destroy them.

Can I say one more thing as well?

Yes.

Make your raspberry reds, please.

Make your raspberry red.

Make your raspberry red.

But you don't like red fruits.

I like red fruits.

I just don't like chocolate.

Apologies.

Yeah, that's fine.

As long as you know it's it with chocolate, but I don't want my raspberry blue.

Why is my raspberry blue?

I thought I got you there.

Yeah, he's like the worst lawyer.

The worst lawyer in the world.

Your honour, may I refer back to someone saying they did not like red fruit.

What with chocolate?

Oh shit.

okay Sitting down.

Oh, yeah, well fair enough.

Oh, here's a question then if raspberries were blue Yeah, in real life, would you have them with chocolate?

Oh Now, that's is there any blue fruit here?

Well blueberries.

Would I have blueberries with chocolate?

No.

No?

No, I think I'm

orange chocolate.

I think citrus and chocolate is fine.

Maybe that's the thing.

Yeah.

Maybe it needs to be citrus.

But if I were banana and chocolate.

Yeah.

But yeah, I can't.

Berries are.

Maybe it's berries that are the problem.

Is it that you like when it's mint and orange?

There's often not the actual fruit in it.

It's essence.

It's the essence of maybe when it's red fruit, it tends to be bits of actual fruit.

That could be the problem.

Although I think I'd like, would I like if you had orange segments and covered them in chocolate?

You might be on some.

They are good though.

I think I would eat that.

I think I would eat that.

But not.

Oh, yeah.

Yeah, not.

Maybe it's berries.

I keep saying red fruit.

Maybe it's the berries, but the berry that's the problem.

I like it when we help guests out.

Yeah, I think I've learned something about myself here today

we arrive at your dream dessert i'm glad that we just had uh some talks there about uh sweet things yeah uh because i i i know i know that we're i i don't have to worry i don't have to worry about this you're on safe ground we're on safe ground i know that angela's on the right team here

i i dessert i love a dessert and i will always ask for the dessert menu I have to be really full to not have a dessert.

I'll always find room for it.

Because I don't feel like my meal's finished till I've had something sweet.

It's just not i i if i've not had a dessert i walk away and something's not right it's do you know what i mean i need something sweet yeah so um but i what i have i really love school dinner puddings okay so it has to be a school and i want it served in a school dinner one of those plastic sort of greeny coloured plate bowls yeah what do you call that Plows.

I want it in one of them.

Yeah, plows.

You know what I mean?

Yeah, the plow.

You know, the plastic plow.

That's just got the mark of a million knife scrapes on it from the, you know, it's been in that school since the sixties whatever yeah I want it served by a round woman who hates genealogy she's always been there she's always been there just like the others and she's not okay with healthy eating in schools she's one of the people who was pushing burgers through the school railings when

one of them I want it served by her and I want

trying to decide my first choice I was gonna go with gypsy tart which you may or may not know what that's a very Kent thing yeah Josie Long had it

yeah oh okay so that that has been in the restaurant because I thought I might introduce it.

But if he's already been introduced, then it is the sweetest substance known to man.

It's brown sugar boiled up with condensed or evaporated milk with sugar on top.

Yep.

It's very sweet.

But condensed or evaporated milk.

You can use either.

Both works.

Good.

Good to know.

Good to know that they can be evaporated.

They can be traded in.

Well, have you made that mistake in Ed?

No, Ed.

Oh, what did you try and make?

Ed has these stands by.

I like along with James and his mum.

Oh, yeah.

And she was making some bullshit ice cream.

And she said, you need condensed, I can't remember which one she wanted.

Condensed milk.

Condensed milk.

And I looked up condensed milk on my internet shopping service.

So we were during lockdown.

That's the only way I was going to get it, really, safely.

And it came up with evaporated milk.

So I thought, must be the same.

Got it.

This ice cream was absolute crap.

I've never, I actually think I did.

I've told him.

My mum told him.

Don't use that.

Yeah.

She told him.

Yeah, so

it's all I had.

What else is it?

anyway?

Is it Diane, your mum?

Yeah.

It's Diane, yeah.

Yeah, it is.

But he ignores it and then he's going to be.

What else was I going to do?

It's like, all right, Diane, fine.

Can you condense milk?

Like, is there a way you can make your own condensed milk?

I don't know.

I'm not a good cookie.

I had evaporated milk and I made it.

And I think it was a scientific discovery because it never defrosted.

It's still in this house now.

It's just perpetually frozen.

It was amazing.

Is it still there?

No, no, I'd throw it in the bin.

It was horrible.

Bad recipe.

But good, interesting to know that gypsy tart you can use either.

So they must be similar.

I guess if we'd done that as a cook-along, you'd have been okay.

But we weren't.

We're doing peanut butter slice cream.

You fucked it, mate.

Yeah.

Have you seen Gypsy?

It's the most beige food ever.

It's just beige on beige.

A bit of beige.

But it's super sweet.

I'm not going for that.

You're not going for that.

I'm not going for that.

I'm going for, there was a dessert we had at our school that was, it was chocolate, like hot chocolate sponge.

And I've never had a chocolate sponge as good as the one they had at school.

It was a big square slab of it.

And they made this, it was the consistency of custard, but it was mint flavor and it was green.

Oh, yeah.

So it was just the days when that was on the, like you walk into the school hall, they've got the chocolate, sponge, and mint sort of, they were the best days at school.

Yeah.

And I, because I had, um, specifically as well, while I'm eating,

I thought a bit about the guests I want with me.

Oh, yeah.

While I'm eating.

And there's two I want.

One.

I'm going to have to say.

So do you peel good?

Do you peel good?

And a slush puppy peel.

And a slush duck.

I want, you know, the stand-up comedian Michael Fabry, right, is one of my best friends.

He's a brilliant comedian.

But going for dinner with Michael,

I feel like there should be an Attenborough documentary about it.

It should have an Attenborough.

And what I might say might sound like I'm saying he's disgusted.

It's not in any way.

I just find it fascinating because you'll be chatting away, waiting for the meal to arrive.

The meal will arrive in front of Michael and he is head down in that meal.

Like conversation just stop, mid-sentence stops.

And he doesn't breathe.

Like he doesn't stop, doesn't breathe until the plate is empty And then he looks up and carries on where he...

And I will have had a bite during that time.

I've never known anyone eat so quick.

He can't possibly taste it.

But I find it so fascinating.

And I say to him, like,

did you taste any of that?

Does he not feel that?

Have I done it again?

Have I done it again?

Have I done it again?

Well, I've blacked out there for a second.

Where's my food?

Why have they brought my food yet?

It's like moon night.

But he does eat every meal like it might be his last.

But I just love how it's...

so I want him as one of my companions just because it always makes me laugh.

I love watching it.

But I want David Attenborough commentating.

Yeah, I should be there.

And the other, when my dessert comes, I want you to bring in a dinner lady from my school

who one day, so you got to choose your dessert.

There's usually two or three desserts to choose from and you picked it up and put it on your tray and sat down.

And there's one day when there was a jam tart, right?

And I love jam tart, like pastry with a little dollop of cream in the middle, lovely.

And I sat down and when I started eating it, it wasn't jam.

It was rhubarb and I didn't like rhubarb and I was expecting is that I was expecting one thing got another very upsetting she has to you and it really upset me and she stood over me until I'd eaten every bit of that she wouldn't let me go I was crying I was gagging and she and I was like spitting it out she put it back in my mouth it was like it was horrible I've never forgotten this ruby horrible so I want to eat my dessert while Mrs.

Hodder sits next to me eating something she hates and I want to drink every single mouthful and she's not going home until she's done it absolutely I mean at the start of that, I thought, oh, a lovely dinner lady who Angela used to like.

And then by the end of life, Angela's naming a dinner lady that really inspired me.

So it's the trunch bowl.

You know,

I've just never forgiven her for that because

I always ate all my food, always ate all my dinner.

I was never a fussy eater.

I used to eat everyone else's cabbage because they didn't like it and I did.

I was never that, you know, it wasn't like, oh, she never finishes her.

It's just one thing.

I picked up the wrong thing.

She was like, you chose it, you ate it.

I remember her saying that.

I can't even imagine being that kind of a person no what's she getting out of that I know it was like some some kick she's on some power trip like she's I mean maybe her home life was terrible and that was the only place she felt she had any sort of agency but yeah well I tell you what we'll absolutely make that happen for you and she'll be eating a bowl of peas

and salad cream and she can eat that the whole thing yes and see how see how she likes that hate her I feel I mean maybe she was you know she was having a bad day whatever but that's stuck with me for

40 years now.

I've had bad days.

I don't think I've force-fed a child

as a result.

Worth thinking about if you have, though.

Yeah.

But consolation for you, Angela.

Yes.

I imagine she'll be long dead.

Probably is.

Yeah.

She's dead in the ground.

Yeah.

But you brought her back to life.

If her relatives are listed,

fuck you.

I'm going to menu back to you now, see how you feel about it.

Okay.

Sparkling water.

Pop numbs of bread.

Two tons.

Toutons.

Toutons.

Two tons.

Two tons.

Arizona.

Two tons.

Ton tons.

Two tons.

Two tons of bread.

That's a lot of bread for one lady.

Two tons.

Toutons from Bad Rock Cafe.

Newfoundland.

Newfoundland.

Newfoundland.

Starter.

I do not

lost all confidence.

Newfoundland?

Deepfud Aggus was sauce from City Restaurant in Edinburgh.

Main course.

Oh, and now I'm fucked.

Berliner Lieber.

Berliner Lieber, yeah.

And cabbage from the German Christmas market.

Side dish, deluxe poutine from Ziggy Peel Goods.

Newfoundland, Newfoundland.

Again.

And we're going to chuck in a McDonald's apple pie on the side.

Drink husband's chili margarita and dessert hot chocolate sponge with mint sauce.

I'm so excited.

Yeah, it's great.

How long do you think it would take Fabry to eat that whole menu?

About 30 seconds.

30 seconds.

Disgusting man.

A lot of good stuff on that menu.

I'm very excited to try that liver one day.

It's so good.

Also, I'm pretty sure someone else chose that dessert.

And

I can't remember who, but

we should add them to the guest list as well.

Was it Jade?

No, Jade tried to choose a different one and got...

Actually, maybe it was Jade mentioned the mint custard.

Yeah.

So maybe it was Jade and Jade got kicked out.

So I think someone's tried to order that dessert, got kicked out.

Oh, really?

And you have finally got it into the restaurant.

Angela, thank you so much for coming to the Dream Restaurant.

Thank you, thank you.

Thank you, Angela.

Thank you very much to Angela for coming on the podcast.

That was a great menu, James, and great chat.

Great menu, great chat, some great characters.

Lovely, obviously, Ziggy Pilgood.

Ziggy Peelgood, the Slush Pussy.

You know, there's so many great characters there.

I prefer the Slush Ducky myself.

That could be a great animated series.

Slush Pussy?

No, Ziggy Peelgood and the Slush Pussy.

Tell you what, I'm not going to argue.

Yeah.

It would be good.

Yeah.

It would be very, I mean, they sound like, you know, like a time-travelling duo.

Yeah.

Who may be

maybe that, I mean, there's got to be a food theme because this is where the chats have come from.

So I'd imagine traveling through time to find the very best dishes.

Yeah.

Ziggy Peelgood, I'm imagining, is sort of...

Looks like a musketeer in my head.

He looks like David Bowie in my head.

Okay.

Mixture of the two, you blend them.

They're not a million miles apart.

David Bowie musketeer and the slush pussy is half cat, half cup.

Yeah, imagine the slush pussy like a cartoon cat that is made of just pure water pure slush yeah I guess so yeah or is he water and he slushes everywhere he goes yeah I guess so yeah oh it's a he now you said he didn't you only the recording will tell but we listen back to it the animal's made of slush I think genders are relevant yeah yeah yeah and can go through things so how it would help Ziggy Peelgood is that the slush pussy could just like move through the bars of a prison and get Ziggy Peelgood out of the out of out of a jail cell if you was in there for example.

Yeah.

Could do, you know, just hop down a drain, get something, hop back out again.

Ziggy Pilgood always knows that the slush pussy's got his back.

Yes, absolutely.

But definitely, I think it's clear that Ziggy Pilgood is in charge.

Very much so.

The slush pussy is a mere sidekick.

Yeah, yeah.

Who works for Ziggy Peelgood and will do what they're told.

Angela did not say Scolopro.

Angela did not say Scolopro.

Thank you, Angela, for not saying Scolopro.

You know, there were some points early on where I was like, you know,

we're in territory here that most people would say they don't like these things, you know.

Yeah.

She said how much Angela said how much she loves offal, the stuff that gets thrown away.

Offal.

I guess all of that.

Maybe are we going to have a dish that is purely scallop bro, but didn't even...

We go anywhere near that.

I don't think we even talked about seafood.

No, very happy about that as well because Angela's great.

She's on tour.

Go and see her show Hot Mess.

Check out her website.

She also has a podcast called We Are History.

Yes.

We are History.

So go and check that out.

I mean, check out all things Angela Barnes.

I guess is the message of the show.

It certainly is.

Thanks very much for listening.

We'll see you again soon.

Bye.

Goodbye.

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Oh, hello, it's Amy Gladil here.

Hello, I'm Harriet Kemsley.

Single ladies, it's coming to London.

Well, we're already in London, I suppose, in a way.

But we're doing a live show, aren't we?

It's true on Saturday, the 13th of September.

At 7pm at King's Place.

So we've got your Saturday night sorted.

We've done all the organising for you.

Come along, have some drinks, alcoholic or non-alcoholic, both are available.

And you can get your tickets from plursive.co.uk.

Or just head to the link in our Instagram bio and just clickity click click.

London, we're coming.