Ep 195: Judi Love

Hello, it's Ed Gamble here from the Off Menu Podcast.

Hello, it's James Acaster here from the Off Menu Podcast.

And before the episode starts, we'd like to talk to you about All Our Relations, a non-profit co-founded by your friend of mine, comedian Jen Brister, and Georgia Takax.

Yes, All Our Relations was originally started to support 15 families in Gaza when the genocide started, but now supports 21 families and funds several mutual aid projects, including two seven-day food kitchens and two mobile food parcel delivery schemes, as well, feeding hundreds of families in Gaza every single day.

They've created an absolutely amazing thing.

And we feel like, you know, it's the off-menu podcast.

We talk about food and we are very lucky to eat wonderful food and have access to absolutely brilliant food all of the time.

And I think we need to talk about people who have access to no food, James.

Absolutely.

So if people would like to donate, please go to allourrelations.co.uk or look at the links in Jen Brister's bio on Instagram.

Every penny raised goes to supporting people in Gaza.

Thank you so much and enjoy the episode.

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Welcome to the Off Menu podcast, taking the paper bag of chat, putting in some fried eggs of fun, some cola bottles of friendship, some little

white chocolate ones with sort of different colored sprinkles on them of

interview skills, rolling it up, twizzling it all up, putting it on the scales of comedy and then paying for it.

And that's pick and mix.

Sad not to see the snakes make a yeah sorry.

Sorry, man.

I panicked.

That's

all the mice.

Oh, no, the mice care about it.

As we know, yeah.

Only thing the mice are good for is feeding the snakes.

Ed Gamble there.

My name is James A.

Caster.

We own a dream restaurant.

Ed's a matrix, aren't we?

I'm a waiter.

Hello.

A genie waiter.

And we invite a guest in every single week and we ask them their favourite ever started main course dessert, side dish, and drink.

Not in that order.

And this week, our guest is...

Judy Love.

It's the last episode of the series.

Ending with a bang.

Judy Love.

Judy Love.

We've been trying to get Judy Love on this podcast for years.

Years.

A very long time we've wanted to get Judy Love on this podcast.

I mean, we're currently, you know, we're at the studio.

Judy will be here in an hour or so or a couple of hours ago.

I can't remember now.

But even now, I feel like she's going to cancel and we won't see her.

I think this is too good to be true.

Yeah, too good to be true.

Judy Love's brilliant.

She's so funny.

Massive Judy Love fans on this pod.

Very excited to have her on.

I was anyway.

And then her series of Taskmaster, I think she's one of the best Taskmaster contestants ever.

Everything she did was funny.

She's never, at no point do you see her like go, oh, can't be bothered to be funny now.

Yeah.

Every shot of her, she's doing something.

Yeah.

Brilliant.

Funny in the studio, funny in the tasks.

Yeah.

Every time she would like look up at it.

They're just looking over at Greg.

Yeah.

Funny.

Yeah.

Absolutely love it.

I mean, there's nothing I've seen Judy Love on it and I haven't loved Judy Love on it.

Well, then you should probably go and see her on tour, James, because she's on tour.

Judy Love, the One Like

UK tour 2023.

She's on tour now.

Yeah.

She's all over.

She's going all over the place.

Very excited that people can go and see Judy Live.

I mean you've probably

seen all sorts of Judy Love.

Yeah but yeah.

I mean they could have called it Judy Live.

Yeah.

Judy Love Judy Live.

Judy Love Judy Live.

That's the next tour.

Yeah next tour.

We'll suggest that to her when she's in.

Also quite exciting.

that Judy is coming in because food-wise, I've only just learnt this.

She was crowned the Master Chef Celebrity Christmas Special Champion.

Well, there you go.

2021.

Not only is Judy a brilliant comic, she's a brilliant chef.

So this is going to be the perfect episode.

Unless she says the secret ingredient, James, that we've agreed upon today.

And today, the secret ingredient is ready break.

I don't think Judy's going to say ready breck.

I can't picture a world where Judy Love says, I want microwavable porridge.

But hopefully that won't happen.

But I mean,

a listener suggested this.

Kevin Reed.

Thank you, Kevin Reid.

I mean, I'd normally try and think of a fun chant or something to do with their name.

But Kevin Reed, and please don't take this wrong.

Your name doesn't lend itself to any sort of melody or...

No.

Even like a parody song, even putting it into another song?

All I can think of is Stacey's mum now.

Kevin Reid has got it going on.

Yeah.

I think that's a good thing to say, just in general.

If Kevin Reid's listening, you've got it going on, man.

Well done, Kevin.

You You got it going on.

Kevin Reed has got it going.

So thank you very much to Kevin for that.

I think it's a good option.

I like porridge.

You know what I don't like about Ready Break is on the adverts where they suggest it warms you from inside, like you've swallowed a radiator or something.

Central heating for kids.

Yeah, that's so weird.

Also, let the kids use your central heating.

Yeah.

I don't know if that's still the slow.

Yeah.

But as a kid.

Central heating for kids.

I'm not going around as a kid going, I know what I really want, central heating.

Just don't care about central heating.

That's the kind of problem.

Yeah, so it's an ice lolly, um, air conditioning for kids.

Yeah, yeah, that's air con for kids.

Yeah,

that's all kids want.

They want their body regulated like a house

constantly.

So, if Judy says we're ready, back, she is out on her ear.

Although, I wouldn't think we'd get away with that, to be honest.

I don't know if Judy would accept it.

You said you're kicked out.

She's like, No, I'm not.

No,

we'd have to carry on.

I'll still be eating incubators.

Yes, this is the off-menu menu of Judy Love.

was there any questions that you'd said that i was supposed to have read beforehand yeah

i guess we'll get ready for them now

welcome judy to the dream restaurant oh thank you because mama's here to eat

welcome judy love to the dream restaurant we've been expecting you for some time have you really yeah do you know i'm not gonna lie right off the menu, right?

So I'm in here looking at the board, like the table, the wood, and the cups and the juice.

I don't see no food.

Yes, this is often a criticism launched at us, Judy, in that we will be talking about food for the next hour plus and we don't offer you any food.

Oh my gosh, this is like a proper middle-class party.

Do you want to come around?

Yeah, we're going to have a little dinner party and there's like carrot sticks and hummus.

Yeah, you're drinking on an empty, ulcer-infilled stomach.

What do you want to see at a party when you get party i want to see big food i want to see rice and peas and patties like west indian food chicken as long as there's fried chicken i'm good not stereotype but hey i'm here for the fried chicken and the wings i want to wing because i could put the whole thing in my mouth and take it out and there's just a bone left yeah

I want all that.

I want some good food.

I want to be able to drink and then be drunk and then be like, I need some food to soak up the alcohol, then eat the food to soak up the alcohol, and then just do this on repeat about three, four times and then take food home.

Yeah, yeah, in Tupperware, of course, baby.

You've been to a black person's house, aren't you?

I google it, I google that.

Yeah, are you taking Tupperware with you specifically for that purpose, or are you taking Tupperware from the people's house?

It depends on how tight you are with the family because they might say, Bring like Tupperware or bring something with you because I'm running out because you know your auntie's coming, your auntie's going to come with their stuff and all of her kids, and it's going to be a lot.

So, bring your own Tupperware.

Um, but if they're like proper, sufficient, they will have it there otherwise it's a disrespect so if you see carrot sticks and hummus you're immediately angry i'm not immediately angry i'm kind of like okay this might be just a little warm-up to the starters yeah uh because that is the starters okay it's like might be left out there for the kids um let's see where the real food's at and then my eyes will start to search around and if there's anybody else in there who's like me who knows they want to go to a party for food i'll start to give them the look which you lot can't see because you're listening but these guys can see the look

yeah

and if it's an hour in and they're still bringing out you know like breadsticks and carrots then the look will almost be like

and then you'll see us disappear and we have driven to kfc yeah it's just that simple brilliant we had sakeisa on the podcast and she said that she'd once ordered a dominoes or a piece of her to the party she was at because the food was not good enough yeah and uh and instead did that would you do a move like that of course take away to the party takeaway to the party or leave the party early oh gosh i got a phone call i've got to leave i'm so sorry and that's because there's not enough food there or not the right food and the whole conversation will be about the food the worst thing i'd say in the west india and i'll say i'll pinpoint it down to jamaican culture is if you go to an event whether it's a wedding funeral christening and the food's bad like that no one's going to be saying oh my gosh she looks so nice in her dress What a beautiful wedding.

They're gonna be saying, the food was bad.

I know she spent a thousand pounds on the dress, but my God, she should have taken it back and got some food.

That's what they will be saying.

You don't want no one to be saying that at your event.

Would you order take away to a funeral?

Oh, that one's a bit risky, isn't it?

I mean, I would leave and say, I'm just going to pick up a cousin or I'm just going to quickly have a meeting.

I'm going to just quickly go and have a meeting.

Just so you know, I'd tease it out.

I'd tease it out.

Once we got to the hall, I'd kind of look around and see who's in the kitchen.

Yeah.

Because you know which aunties can throw down in the kitchen.

You know, and if you don't know what throw down means, that means cook.

So if it's an auntie that you know you don't like her cooking, you start to set up the story from then.

Oh, what time's what time are they serving?

About two.

Okay.

Listen, I've got a meeting about quarter past.

So I'm going to quickly run out and then I'll come back and then I'll go and I'll eat and then come back.

Great.

I love that.

Even if you see the story at the funeral,

still having a, saying you're having a meeting halfway through a funeral is a risky gambit, I think.

It's just, it's, it's better than saying, where's the food?

It's terrible.

Like, I haven't got to that status yet.

Like, in the Jamaican community, like, I need to be an elder.

I need to be the only person who can get away with that.

It was the oldest auntie, like, grandma, you know, nanny.

Like, if you're that top bus or the pastor, you lot can get away with saying, the food is not good.

Where is the food?

Anybody else underneath that just needs to seckle theirself and just be quiet even with your celebrity status do you not get a pass i might get a little pass i might get a little serve you know give judier food first but there's always going to be an auntie don't matter how famous i am i've got an auntie that i know i will be like a kid okay auntie what do you like auntie and i'm not going to answer anything i'm just going to keep quiet and be nice until it's my turn out of respect because that auntie will embarrass the hell out of you well before we get onto your dream menu very excited about the one like the Judy Love tour.

Are you excited about it, Judy?

I'm so excited.

Like, you guys have been on tour.

Am I meant to be this excited?

I think it's a good sign that you are.

It's just overwhelming, but overwhelming in a good way, because, you know, when you sit that, like, as you start as a comedian, you see other comedians that you know admire and you see them doing tours and you're like, wow, could you imagine doing that?

And then when you're actually doing it, or maybe you've done a few shows beforehand, and now you're at the stage where you're like, okay, everyone knows i'm going on a national tour like tickets are being sold like people was coming up to me and said oh my gosh can't wait for your tour it's really really like it's breathtaking for me i'm i'm in shock but i'm also ready the one like judy love people saying to me why the one like and i'm like well when i think of my videos on socials i always say yes yes people see me the one like judy love so i thought well you know that's what the tour's going to be because you're going to get up and coach close and personal with me the one like judy love oh yeah up close and personal well babes

james

you know a lot about that

what what

don't put your hands up like that

well i got i got done yeah it worked

absolutely walked into that

there you go don't sit on the front row with judy's tour

because they might look like you right now.

Yeah, yeah.

I'm beat red here.

I'm embarrassed.

What do you think the food situation is going to be like on tour?

Because obviously you're going to a lot of different places.

You're going to be on the road.

You're going to have to be getting food.

on the road and from lots of different places.

How do you think it's going to go?

I'm going to be honest, it's going to have to be healthy.

Do you know what I mean?

It's a lot.

You know what I mean?

I'm a plus-size curvy girl.

So I know energy's got to be up.

It's got to be food that really just you know feed me and you know give me good nutrition obviously we've dashed little chicken and stuff in there little seasoning little spice up the plates you know what i'm saying spice up my life and it's got to be wholesome but it's got to be more wholesome we're going to try and stay away from the takeaway the quick kebabs and so on and pizzas or whatever because you know that can become it's not good for you so i love takeaway food but i love good food i like to mix it up but i think it's about preserving the energy so i'm just going to try and fuel my body in that way yeah

yeah and pre-planned pre-planned that's what i've learned from a lot of people pre-planned so for me it's all about flavor and taste as long as there's good flavor and taste i'm good well yeah i mean pre-planning is that's what you're gonna have to do man because like before every tour i'm like this is the one i'm gonna eat healthy on this one and then it doesn't because you just end up being like i just the thing is i can't eat before i go on stage yeah

yeah they're adrenaline and nerves and then you come off and you're just so hyped yeah that you're like, now I need to, you go on a come down.

By that time, it's 10.30, 11 o'clock.

You're like, I need to just quickly eat something because you realize you haven't eaten since you're too much available.

I mean, drive-by, McDonald's, late night, KFC,

favorite chicken and chips.

And then you feel like shit the next day.

Exactly.

So I'm going to pre-cook.

I'm going to get some food, maybe have it pre-cooked, make sure wherever I'm performing, there's a microwave and this and that, and keep it like that just take a chef take a chef with you on tour Judy yeah

take a chef on tour that would be lovely let's let's leave that for the third four fifth tour yeah that's the dream isn't it

could you imagine

I'd have a lot of seafood yeah see the food and eat it

yeah

well we always start the uh the dream meal with still sparkling water Judy oh sparkling yeah I am a sparkling girl.

I don't even know.

It doesn't sound right.

Sparkling?

Yeah.

Sparkling.

Oh, how do you think it should be?

Sparkling.

No, what?

What are your options here?

Can we say it doesn't sound right?

Sparkle.

Sparkling.

Oh, are you saying sparkling or sparkling?

Is that what you're talking about?

I'm trying to figure out what it is.

Is it sparkling?

Sparkle?

Sparkle.

I think I just say sparkling.

Let Judy cook.

For some some reason, when I said it, just said it didn't.

Sparkling water.

Yeah.

Sparkling?

No.

Wait, hold on.

Why water suddenly does the sun win?

Sparkling?

Yeah.

Sparkle?

Yeah.

Help me out here, brother.

Sparkling.

Sparkling.

Is it sparkling?

Which one are you saying?

Sparkling water?

Yeah, sparkling water.

Now back yourself, bitch.

What do you mean?

Stop.

What's wrong with you?

Underestimate yourself.

It's sparkling water, man.

Sparkling.

Yeah, let's go with that.

You said sparkling.

Yes.

Yeah.

Yeah.

I think either one's fine.

I think either one's.

Which one?

I thought you were saying two different.

I think I was.

It just sounded weird when I first said it.

And now I'm going to speak to sparkling water.

Sparkling water.

How would you say it?

Sparkling.

Is that not what I said?

I think I'll go sparkling.

And you're going sparkling.

Oh, sparkling.

I'm sorry, sparkling water.

Sparkling.

Sparkling.

You're saying sparkling water.

It sounds like a sci-fi movie for some reason.

Sparkling.

Sparkling.

Sparkling.

Yeah.

It's like a character in Star Trek.

Exactly.

Yeah.

Sparkling.

Where is the destination?

Where was the destination?

The most Star Trek thing you could think of.

Yeah, because they're always flying somewhere.

That's true.

Do you know what I mean?

They're always looking through that big glass that we're all trying to put in our back doors in our gardens now weren't we yeah do you know what i mean they're always trying to fly somewhere so sparkling where are we heading to i don't know captain see it works yeah that's good yeah that's good yeah yeah well they rarely say i don't know to be fair they go where are we heading to they usually have they don't go i don't i don't well i don't know where we're headed yeah that's quite true actually

they always have an answer a planet what planet would you make up Would I make up?

Yeah, if sparkling the character, sparkling.

Sparkling would be traveling.

They're not sure where they're traveling to.

I think they have a set destination.

They were lost.

They were lost.

They went on a mission and they took the wrong corner.

On Taskmaster, you came up with a character of Queen Safufu.

I can't remember what planet Queen Safufu was from.

Queen Safufu came from the planet in my head.

Queen Safufu, like she was the bomb.

I mean, I don't know where she...

I think she comes from like Wakanda or somewhere.

Right, okay.

Do you have to say that?

On the pre-existing property.

Yeah,

another part of wakanda that hasn't been discovered yet right okay yeah like dukanda like

yeah yeah queen sefufu came from shakanda yeah right yeah which is like a little bit of a like more like african destination with a little bit of south london in it okay yeah yeah yeah that's what that's what the black panther films are missing from me

a little bit of south london

is it still hidden it's kind of hidden because it's got you know all the diamonds and the rare stuff like all the other parts of that.

You've got a vibranium there?

Yes.

Yeah.

We've got

vibranium, tibramian,

tibramian, all bramian.

All the braamiums.

All the braemians, yeah.

And Bramians, yeah, yeah.

And it's just a beautiful place, exotic.

And we have natural powers in us.

And Queen Sufufu,

her power is to just glide through life like on Taskmaster.

On Taskmaster?

Yeah, yeah,

specific power.

Yeah, she has to be on Taskmaster for it to work.

On Taskmaster, she doesn't have to do much.

Yeah, she has a lot of power in her eyes.

Yeah, do you understand what I mean?

Her eyes are the power.

Yes, and her queenness.

What are the other people who live in Shakanda?

What powers do they have?

Well, their power is to be submissive to Queen Cephillia.

That's not a power, Judy.

That's a power.

That's the opposite of power.

The power is you know when to keep quiet.

Okay?

Yeah, all right.

You know when Queen Sufufu, did I say her name right?

Yeah.

Yeah.

Rolls her eyes and knows when it laid a path for me.

Don't see what I'm saying?

So that's their power.

They can be invisible.

I'd love to be invisible.

Oh, so their powers are to be submissive and invisible.

And

their leader, Queen Shifufu, her power is to glide through Taskmaster.

Glide through life.

And Taskmaster.

and taskmaster yeah enough that you know when the tasks come if she doesn't want to do it it doesn't look like she's just saying i don't want to do it yeah it just looks like she has the knowledge of how to do it yeah but i don't need to that's what queen to food is that your impression of how you did taskmaster that what you're trying to say that that no one could see that sometimes you couldn't be bothered to do the task i don't know where this came from because i had a lot of people say i just love the way like every task you kept saying i ain't doing that, I ain't doing that, I ain't doing that.

And I don't remember that.

I think you did a lot of them and sat down.

Did I?

There was a lot of, you introduced a chair to a lot of them, I think.

Well, look.

These tasks were so crazy.

I love that show.

Yeah.

I mean, it's, for me, it was one of the best shows I've ever done.

It's unreal.

It's not every day you get to pretend to be a kid again.

That inner kid in you comes out and you, we're playing.

That's all we're doing.

But some of the tasks, I was just like, This is crazy.

Are you really like?

I was looking at the camera.

Is this what you really want me to do?

This, so it was just like, Let me let me take a seat.

Let this queen take a seat before I do this task.

I mean, I had to build something from sweets, yeah, and then I had to eat them all.

Yeah, hello,

do I look like I eat sweets?

I was trying to set you up then.

You all went, I ain't asking that.

Keeping that one quiet.

It was, it was, yeah, it was, it was an amazing show.

I absolutely loved it.

You're brilliant on it.

It was.

But I was just like, oh my gosh, how did I get this reputation of like not one?

It was just, it's not that I didn't want to do it.

It's just that I just finessed it with such sheer, you know, relaxation.

Yeah, yeah.

I think that's where people just get that mistake.

Yeah, you got Alex to do a lot of it as well.

Well, what was he there for?

Yeah, yeah, sure.

Tell me your role.

They said he was supposed to assist.

So, in Queen's Fufu world,

do the damn job for me.

Oh, that's interesting.

Does Alex live in Shakanda?

He does live in Shakunda.

Yeah, when I allow him to, he lives in Shakanda.

You could tell from how he was.

Did you see his power of being submissive?

Yeah, very submissive.

Yeah, he was very submissive.

He loved it.

Does he like

in Wakanda, they've got Shakanda.

But in Wakanda, they've got Martin Freeman.

The one white guy.

We'll go over there.

Is Alex Horne your Martin Freeman?

Well, no, I have got a few other white guys in Shicanda.

Yeah.

They swam over.

Yeah.

Yeah.

From Lakanda.

Yeah.

And Lakanda is a country that was lacking.

Yeah.

And they swam over.

Yeah.

They could hear the music and the vibes and said, I want some of that.

So, you know, I've got quite a few

white fellow brothers.

He's like your favorite white men

are your favourite Salali?

He's, you know, I have so many favours.

Queen Sufufu has love for so many.

And they all have different roles.

Yeah.

Do you understand?

So, I mean, you know, I've got different roles.

I've got many others that are in different areas.

Some that I cannot disclose.

But Alex, he does really well.

He does.

Yeah.

He pulls his weight.

Yeah.

A lot of them pull their weight.

Yeah.

yeah.

You not would do well from coming to Shakanda.

Yeah, I bet we would.

Very, very happy to swim over, Judy.

From Lakanda.

Flakanda.

It's so boring in Lakanda.

We're going to

pop and obsorb bread.

Pop and obsorb bread, Judy love.

Pop and obsorb bread.

I don't know what happened, man.

You might get deported from Shakanda.

I get deported.

Pop and obsorb bread.

Pop a dumbs or bread, Judy love.

Pop a dump and dumps or bread.

Pop a dumbs or bread?

Yeah.

Where the hell did that come from?

Always happens every episode of Shallwick.

Pop-a-dums or bread.

That's a hard one because pop-a-dums can just pop, pop, pop.

You don't stop.

But bread.

Oh, hell no.

I could just feel my belly expanding already.

Yeah.

It's gotta be the bread.

Yeah.

Oh, my God.

It's gotta be that fluffy, fresh, just baked bread, hasn't it?

It's gotta be that sinful, full of carbohydrates.

it is carbohydrates isn't it yeah carbohydrates right because carbohydrates is really just sugar it's not really good for you but hey let's just have a moment or you could have sourdough bread not too crispy because some of the crispy ones on this it sound like feels like take out your doof jam have you ever had a sourdough bread it's just been called tough ass sourdough bread on there jam it's really there's no point in toasting it properly just pull it off

it's not attractive when you go on a date and you're trying to act extra healthy.

You order the sourdough, you're pulling, yanking your face.

You don't want to see your face like that.

You have to go for the old-school bread, the soft one, the thick one.

I like bread that's like just baked and it's like you usually get them in a nice Turkish shop, and it's got a nice crust to it.

Oh, with a good bit of butter.

And I love my is it presidential butter?

It's got the salt in it.

It's got oh, yeah, the president, I think.

Oh, yeah, I said presidence.

Oh, my.

Oh, I've changed.

I've changed.

Oh my god.

I've changed.

That butter is amazing.

Yeah, with the chunks of salt in it.

Oh my gosh.

I just see myself in waitrose.

Yeah.

Walking down the freezer aisle in the butter at New York.

And I just reach for my what's it called?

President, I think.

President, butter.

Lower it into the cart.

Yes, wander around alcohol looking for a nice mailbook.

oh a few olives oh life life

forever changing

i like this character

yeah yeah love this character life

life

just wandering endlessly and effortly

effortlessly

you know the word i'm trying to say effortless effortlessly

ironically taking a lot of effort as i just said

effortlessly

through the aisles of my olives and soft knead soda bread and my prison salt bread no butter with a salt

American suddenly went America

delightful and deep and rich

and magazine might buy a home life

home and farm life

magazine

My Bon Boar jacket.

Is that what it's called?

Bonbo?

Awesome jackets and Bon Boar jackets.

I don't know what the jackets are.

Barbara, Barbara.

Barbara Jaggers.

Maybe a North First.

Maybe one of those.

Oh, she's absolutely love it.

Judy,

can you please do an episode of Loose Women where you just do this character

and you do it under a different name?

What would I call her?

What would I call that character?

She'd have to be Mrs.

Something.

Or lady something.

Lady something.

Yeah.

It'd be better if I call her lady, but I'd have to use like a patwa, which is Jamaican slang, so that people Jamaican would know what that word is, but nobody else would.

You've just got people saying this word,

which is like absurd.

But people just call it, yeah, it'd have to be something like that.

I don't know.

This character is just in me sometimes.

That's great.

Great character.

Love it.

You've got to think of a name.

I mean, what patwa could you use?

Well, there's the normals in it like bumber clark rascal they don't make people know those ones yeah i think people know those people

so i've got to find dave used those words in lakanda yeah yeah yeah yeah we say that in lakanda before she see that little bit of spice and you're swimming over to shakanda you see that oh my god i mean i'd have to find a word i'd have to think maybe by the end of the day i'll find a word and lady will have a name so a word that could kind of mean ladi da yes well to do chakult pandem so that's like like show off on them or something like that can be double barreled

check out on them

you would never know

check out on them yeah lady check out on them not saying that's an official name yeah but we'll work through it

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You check your feed and your account.

You check the score and the restaurant reviews.

You check your hair and reflective surfaces and the world around you for recession indicators.

So you check all that, but you don't check to see what your ride options are.

In this economy, next time, check Lyft.

Your dream starter.

Oh, this is really my dream starter.

Oh, my dream starter.

I do like scallops.

Lovely.

Yeah,

I feel like I'm dealing with Milson Spencer's advert.

Oh, yeah.

I mean, I would pay to hear that.

I'd love it if you were the voice of Marks and Spencer.

Food is succulent.

Look at these succulent.

Two beautiful pan-baked scallops dripping with luxurious Lancashire Dale butter.

That sounds good, good.

Lancashire Dale butter.

It just sounded like a very

perfect here.

It sounds like a very rich, milky

straight from the goat's breasts.

Just for the listeners, Judy did that entirely with her eyes closed.

Yeah.

A lot of hand gestures.

Yeah.

A lot of hand gestures for the straight from the goat's breast.

Yeah, because that'd be really rich.

Yeah.

Rich burner.

Rich, but straight for the goat's breasts, not the ghost's breasts.

Yeah.

You don't want ghost breast buttons.

No, it depends on what show you're on.

You might get a ghost.

I mean, did you ever not see that woman on this morning talking about she was having sex with a ghost?

My gosh.

Literally.

You never saw it.

It was a lot.

Yeah, it was a lot.

And imagine some of us are out here waiting for a phone call from a brother that went on a date with her ghost.

He only went and proposed.

The guys proposed?

But they're famous for ignoring people, aren't they?

Turned up unexpectedly.

In terms of this, do you want those scallops with?

Yeah, I think I would like scallops and giant

king, like king prawns.

And oh, I do like, I've had this thing before.

Is this a lot of starters?

Well, let's say it like this veal thing, this veal kind.

Oh, no, actually, I would like

for the listener.

Before this, we started recording, Judy asked us if there was anything she was meant to prepare for this podcast.

We did record that, so it might have been in the beginning of the episode.

Yeah, yeah, probably got that.

These are the perfect setups.

Well, look, I'm prepared.

I do like yellow tail

raw fish.

Oh, yeah.

I I don't know how they what how they is it cured or it's got nice little vinegar.

Oh, yeah.

It's absolutely delicious.

So some of that little seafood, little platter as a starters would be nice.

So as a platter, so you're talking about scallops, king prawns and the yellow tail ceviche.

Yeah.

I think, yeah, that's

one dish.

With a little bit of caviar

and sourdough.

You're going to keep adding things and no, just that's, I think that's.

I don't know what you like to eat, but

my money, I I want my food.

We've got the

food-sized starters.

And do you want the scallops with the Lancashire Dale butter straight from the goat's breast?

Yes.

Yeah.

Dripping, like the goat is there hanging

over

just dripping.

So do you want the goat?

I mean, this is the dream restaurant.

We can, we can sort of, you know, it's got to be like, you've got to see how they make it.

You've got to be make sure the goats are looked after.

And it's from you know, really well,

beautiful home.

Yeah, so when you say you want to make sure the goats are looked after, do you still also then want the goat hanging above the table so you can pull on its teeth?

Maybe that was a bit extreme.

We can pull that man, yeah, you know what I mean.

I want the goat to be happy, yes, yeah, that's why I want the goat to be grass-fed.

Do you want?

Um, I went to a restaurant once and they bought crab over,

and uh, and there was a what's it that the code that you can scan on your phone.

QR code.

QR code.

Did that.

And then it takes you to a video of them catching the crabs.

Oh, no.

Doing all this so you can see that they haven't been, you know, treated too badly.

Would you like that with the goat?

I don't know about that because there was one time I went to a lobster restaurant and

I was like, yeah, let's go for the big boy.

Yeah, because you can go for

different sizes.

We're like, we're going for the big boy.

Told him I want the big boy.

And they brought the lobster over to us, the big boy lobster, and it was moving.

I couldn't, I said, I couldn't eat it after that.

Yeah, yeah, that's weird that they've made you meet it before they killed it.

Yeah, I was like, I can't do it.

I can't, I can't.

I'm not saying I can be vegan, but what I'm saying is today I can't do it.

Went back the next day and did it.

They meant big boy still here.

Big boy, big boy still here.

Because big girl is here.

I'm ready for this.

Come on, meet your match.

One of my favorite YouTube accounts is a guy who went to his, in America, went to his local supermarket, got a live lobster that you can get from there.

You meant to get him and then take him home and cook him, and just took it home and kept it as a pet.

And it's a diary of him and Leon the lobster.

Leon, the lobster.

And him looking after Leon.

And it's very, it's very tough.

How long did Leon last?

I think Leon's still going.

Wow.

Still updates, yeah.

I mean...

Where does he keep Leon?

In a massive tank.

Yeah.

Feeds him live, wriggly things.

Had to train Leon because his claws, his pincers were rubber banded together at the store

so when they undid it he couldn't really work his pincers I had to train him up to use them and now his pincers are in full action and stuff see things like that do it does make you think about being vegan yeah when you see Leon the lobster yeah and then but scallops prawns you're not vegan are you vegan no are you vegan yeah we all went yeah yeah yeah we all know it's the right thing to do yeah and then I started thinking about the scallops and prawns that you're going to have

and the ceviche and the caveat ceviche that's what it's called called.

It's beautiful, the orange caveat, the big oh, yeah,

blamo, do you like blamo?

What's blamo?

When you uh you get the big orange carrot balls and you have them in your mouth, you can like push them up onto the top of your mouth and feel them pop in your mouth and get the blamo.

Oh, I love that, the blamo, yeah, something else to date back to Shakanda, yeah.

Date that back to Shikanda, yeah, tell them about blamo, yeah,

Dream main course.

Dream main.

See, this is really, really hard because

it's a lobster.

I mean, Judy, if you pick the lobster now after that chat about Leon the lobster and you feeling terrible for the lobster, it's going to absolutely blow my mind.

I'll pick

go to that guy's house.

I'll pick.

Sorry,

is it venison or veal?

What do you think?

What do you think?

They're both things.

The deer.

It isn't like sparkling.

That's venison.

Yeah.

Venison.

Yeah.

Yeah, like a bit of venison.

Yeah.

Bit of venison.

Bit of venison.

And then Judy just rotated on her chair for a while.

She went on a swivel chair and just went back and forth for a bit with her head cocked to one side, looking at us, going, a bit of venison, really.

I can feel lady

lady.

I remember.

Yeah,

lady lady.

This is something that lady lady would have i think oh lady lady is perfect yeah yeah yeah yeah she's definitely just require a little bit of venison just a little bit of venison

or orange venison orange orange orange deer venison red deer venison you know venison

what's orange deer venison red deer venison i swear is it the red deer or orange deer there's particular dares and they're red

or orange or brown uh-huh one of those ones.

They're like a rare ones to be.

They're really...

I've seen them.

Okay.

Where have you seen them?

Oh, what country was it?

It wasn't...

It was somewhere in the UK.

I went somewhere in the UK, countryside somewhere.

I went deer sighting.

Oh, deer sighting.

Yes.

Where did you go deer sighting?

Who did you go deer sighting with?

I can't remember where it was, but I somehow was deer sighting.

Yeah.

So were you with your family or was it a holiday?

I was with a friend.

Yeah.

You'll see it.

It's going to be on TV.

I can't say too much.

Okay.

No, okay.

So it's a Marvel film or something.

Yes, of course.

Yeah, yeah.

And I was deer sighting.

Yeah.

And yeah, and the deers are orange or red or brown.

So you want to eat one of the ones that you saw on that trip?

What I'm saying is, I've been taught that venison is one of the best meats.

If we are going to eat meat, that's the meat we should eat because they're protected to a certain extent.

So I would, yeah, that would be nice venison, some nice vegetables,

a little bit of lobster.

Well, hold on.

Just on the side.

Do you think you could just slip that in without?

Just a little bit of lobster on the side.

It's like surf and turf, innit?

Surf and turf is venison and lobster.

Yeah.

Yes.

I would.

How do you want the, have you, where have you had venison before?

I've had it at a few restaurants.

Yeah.

Yeah.

And how was it prepared?

Did they do it with like a sauce or something?

Medium,

medium.

Medium.

I don't like to see blood.

No.

It's just a bit medium, medium well.

But you can't read too well because it's got to be soft, you know, melting mouth like butter.

Yeah, yeah.

Yorkshire goat butter.

Yorkshire now.

Yeah, Yorkshire.

No, Yorkshire.

Yeah, Yorkshire.

Yeah,

it was Lancashire Dale, which Lancashire Dale.

Yeah, Lancashire Dale sounds

Yeah,

Yorkshire hairline.

There's a different goat.

Yorkshire Valleys, yeah.

Yeah, Yorkshire Valleys.

So we're staying up north.

Wednesday Dale cheese.

Yeah.

Yeah, I love that.

I love the cranberry one.

Yeah, yeah.

Yeah.

Tell some of that.

Oh, don't mind.

This tongue has travelled, you know.

Maybe about the north of England, but

between two counties.

Yeah.

So, yes, I'd like that.

I'd like that with some vegetables, some sautéed,

spinach,

some nice.

What's the potato?

I should know it.

Where it's like, it's like cut out and it's cooked in butter.

Everything's in butter.

Fondant.

Fondant potatoes.

Fondant potatoes.

What did you cook when?

So you won Celebrity Master Chef Christmas.

Yes, I did.

Congratulations.

Congratulations.

Thank you very much.

What did you cook on that?

It was a Christmas special.

So I made, can I remember?

i made my winning dish was a jamaican british fusion christmas so it was turkey but it was jerk turkey it was wrapped and it was wrapped and it had um crackling but it was the turkey skin and then i made a um jam which was a cranberry and scotch bonnet jam oh nice very delicious and some lovely sautéed potatoes or should i say?

It was, it was really, really nice.

And I, before that, I made some Brussels sprouts and I made like a like not a salad because it was cooked, so like a seasoned

Brussels sprouts, bacon, and I don't even know what to call it, but it was absolutely luscious.

Right.

And then for my dessert, I think there was other stuff in it.

I made, oh, I made some lovely stuffing, spicy stuffing.

Really did.

And for my dessert, I made Jamaican black rum cake

with a

sorrel and cranberry ju.

And I made a Guinness, or shall I say stout ice cream.

Wow.

Judas.

Stout and rum.

Because we've got a thing called Guinness Punch.

Yeah.

In Jamaica that we drink.

It's absolutely lovely.

There's others that you can buy.

So we'll say stout punch.

And I basically made that into an ice cream, which has got rum in it, cream.

Oh, it was.

They said it, they said it should be on the shelves.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Soon, maybe soon.

Yeah, this should be on the shelves, definitely.

Jams and

the full Judy Love range.

I'm telling you, babes, it was, it was luscious.

Would you do that?

Someone approached you and asked you if you wanted to release your own food range?

Yes.

Straight away.

Definitely.

Judy Love range.

Of course.

Put me in a jar.

Sell me.

Are you cooking a lot at home then?

I do cook a lot at home.

Obviously, now I've been a lot more busy.

it's i think i'm trying to cook to prepare because i feel like when i'm away i want them to be able to know they can just go in the fridge and they've got food that mummies prepared that's that's my kind of parent style i want to always have that kind of homely stuff if i'm away and i haven't cooked that's when i start to feel a little bit bad um but yeah so yeah i do cook a lot what are you leaving for them in the fridge what's the sort of standards i mean salmon grilled cooked salmon or maybe because my daughter's there she's 17 she's really she's my daughter's a really good cook so i might season the food and she will cook it but she's fantastic from seasoning.

Her palate is unreal.

She almost cooks better than me.

I'm trying not to tell her that, though.

Hey, you're the one on this podcast.

Do you know what I mean?

You're the one who's inviting me.

Love you and all that, but hey, do you know what I mean?

She just got, she really is good.

So, you know, a bit of rice, a bit of salad, chicken, lamb.

The last I cooked was two days ago, and I made like brown stew lamb with rice and a cucumber salad.

They really do that.

My son was like, Mom, this is the bomb.

So, for your dream main, you're having the venison.

Yes.

With lobsters, a surf and turf.

And then your dream side dish

of these sautéed vegetables.

Yes.

Yes.

And fond and potato.

Fond and potatoes as the side dish.

Yeah.

So that sounds fair enough.

I think surf and turf being the venison and the lobster

is fine.

What if someone like showed you a video of an orange deer and a a lobster?

Just before I'm about to eat it.

I know they were friends.

Oh, then I'm going to, it's going to be hard.

I'm not going to do it that day.

Yeah.

This is great because

your limit to this thing seems to be a 24-hour period.

So you feel guilty.

And then if you come back the next day, it's like you're a new person and you've never seen those animals before.

You know, there is times, there's times where I am literally like, oh, no, you see things.

But I do feel, look, each of their own.

and I understand why people who are vegan are taking that necessary road you know and you've got you've got to fight for a cause so where I can you know I try not to be wasteful I try to do my part where there might be some weeks I don't eat meat I might just eat fish be pesitarian or sometimes I won't eat meat or or fish um and not necessarily more out of like regards to the planet and so on I'm trying to do my contribution I'll call myself a flexitarian tell you what judy it's it's judy surprised herself with that term by the way yeah there is such thing as a flexitarian

but then you looked around as if you'd said that and you'd never heard of it i just didn't know you was going to say

it's a real privilege to like in in real time watch you literally gear shift into loose women mode and just do that that was that was like absolutely like you've been fucking around the whole podcast and then into like so some weeks i will try and eat uh some weeks i will try and not eat fish i'm a flexitarian but we'll be going into a little funny face.

Absolutely nailed that segment on the next bit.

That was great.

Because also, you know, listeners can't see it, but when you've been talking, there's been a lot of hand gestures.

As soon as you went into loose women mode, hands together on the table in front of you.

They did.

Just sat really, it sat really nice and neat.

Diplomatic with my fingers crossed.

Very diplomatic, cross fingers.

Yeah, sitting up a little bit more straight because you want to get your point across clearly.

You want to understand that you might have an opinion, but you're open to understanding other people have an opinion too.

Who's the one on...

I just know.

I was there.

It's like someone else has walked in.

It's great.

Who's the one on loose women?

Who, when you see you've got a record with that person, you're like, oh, I've really got to find my corner on this.

This is my arch nemesis.

All of my sister queens, I love them all, and they're all opinionated.

I think that's why we're all on the panel.

Do you know what I mean?

And that's what's so great.

No one's just sitting sitting there going yeah yeah no i agree so i mean i'm happy to be on with anybody because we've all got different emotions different experiences so some topics touch us more than the others but it's lovely that we can get into a heated debate and then after it's like we're going over going over to get a drink yeah how about babes and then we're cool so there's not one particular person that

i'm like no no i don't think so you know who's the most opinionated people on there definitely you know i think we all got our light but yeah there's ones that are probably more opinionated, but I'm good with all of them like that.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

You don't think you got to go head to, you know, I've got to really get my game head on because that

I knew he was going to say, Janet.

We love Janet, and we know what Janet's like.

Janet will say how it is.

I mean, Janet will say how it is.

Carol will say how it is.

Denise will say how it is.

I will say how it is.

Charlene will say how it is.

Brenda.

I mean, we all do in our own light.

That's the thing.

Is it fair to say that everyone would say how it is?

Yeah.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Let me sit in my

hands crossed.

You know, all of us have opinions.

So, yeah.

And sometimes it gets heated on there, but we're just talking about a particular subject and then we're good.

Yeah.

It's funny that I always get people, especially newspapers, magazines, any interviews I do, they want to know who's arguing, who's the bitch is, who's this out of the loose women.

I think it's because we're all women.

If it was all men, no one would ask.

James is basically a sexist tabloid journalist.

Oh, big time.

My role on this show is to be the sexist one.

He's a provocateur.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

That's what I'm here for.

Okay, babe.

I nearly got it out of you.

Nearly.

Before we move on to Dream Drink, if a deer and a lobster were friends, how do you think they would hang out?

In what environment?

Great question.

Good question.

They'd hang out in a beautiful Scottish valley where there's beautiful, fresh, natural lake.

yeah spring water yeah

and the orange deer would be on the hilltops

and they would meet when the orange deer comes to have be grass fed

as he dips his delicate nose into the water yeah they would hi

Hi, hi.

The deer would be hi and the loss would be like, hi, hi.

yeah, same voice, that's how, yeah, same voice, yeah, yeah, because they were meant to be together, yeah, and that's how they would meet.

Meet like that, yeah.

What were they talking about?

What do they have in common?

A dear man, try and avoid Judy love,

yeah,

stay clear of Judy, yeah, she's trying to make us a surface, stay together, yeah, forever, even if it's on the plate

popsicles, sprinklers, a cool breeze.

Talk about refreshing.

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You check your feed and your account.

You check the score and the restaurant reviews.

You check your hair and reflective surfaces and the world around you for recession indicators.

So you check all that, but you don't check to see what your ride options are.

In this economy, next time, check Lyft.

Your dream drink, Judy.

Will it be the Guinness Punch?

No, my dream drink, the drink that I love, is Rose Champagne.

Yes.

Rose champagne.

A particular brand?

Is there a particular brand?

I do like...

Oh, I can't remember the one.

Is it L V?

I can't remember the name.

LP?

No.

No, no.

It's still L V.

LV is the guided gangster's paradise of Coolier.

Search it up.

What's it?

It's...

Oh, I've got gas.

Hold on.

Oh, God.

It's, I think, I can't remember what it's called.

When I see it in the shop, I know, when I go to Majestic,

they see me coming.

Put in Rose Champagne, and I'll show you which one it is.

Yeah.

So we're now googling rose champagne and putting it on Google Images, and you're going to look at the bottles and say, I'm going to tell you which one it is.

I love it too, Judy.

I'm on board with this.

Really?

My wife absolutely loves it.

And I wasn't, you know, I was like, oh, it's a marketing.

It's a marketing thing.

Surely normal champagne is fine.

There's certain foods.

I'm becoming a a lady lady now.

Lady Lady's here.

The thing is, there's certain food that's so nice that it just has to be washed down.

Something that is

fruitful and expensive.

Also, this is your dream meal, you know.

You may as well pick something fancy.

Champagne is that.

Yeah, it's got to be rose champagne.

It's very chilled.

It goes perfectly with your starter.

It does.

And your main.

And my mains.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Your circumstane of the benefit on the water.

There is a wine because I used to drink Prosecco a lot and I just can't drink it.

It just doesn't drink it.

I mean,

Viv Clic Clico.

Verve Clico.

Verve Clico Rose.

Yeah.

Sponsor.

Yeah.

This is not, for us, this is not the sort of podcast that Verve Clico are going to sponsor on.

No, they sponsor like Polo

shit.

They're not going to sponsor off menu.

Well, the thing is, I, you know, there's an only wine that I really like is I do like a wine.

It's by a company called Chapel Down.

Yeah, in Kent.

They're based in Kent.

Yeah, and there's a drink, uh, their white rine, sparkling wine, Bacchus,

Lady Bacchus,

and what's your lady backers,

Brackers, Bacchus, Bacchus, Lady Bacchus,

Chapel Down,

yeah,

she'd be called Bacchus, yeah, Lady Bacchus, Lady Bacchus, Lady Bacchus, English sparkling wine's great, it's beautiful, it's really nice.

You see that Bacchus wine, right?

Yeah, if you drink that when you're getting backers, I'll miss it's on point honestly let me tell you something right that juice is it's it's so nice on a series of it's light it's got a nice appley kind of taste that's what i can taste i'm not saying that it's definite but it's just refreshing it's light it's smooth i find yes great with fish and all the rest of it but you definitely could have it just on the summer afternoon with your friends um going out just in your house by yourself drinking thinking about your ex you could have it at any stage it's one of those it's so easy to drink well I think chapel down if you put chapel down on your menu I think they're way more likely to be listening someone from chapel down might be listening chapel down if you're listening boo boo okay let me do my posh voice hello chapel down this is ladybackers

i am an absolute fan of your delicate light bubbles on my tongue

you know if you would like to contact me um i am here to um definitely advertise make the world know of your divine

divine specimen of a wine.

I would like to come to your vineyard and crumple my toes all over your grapes.

Yes, and let it drip between the creases and help produce that ever so beautifully rich but delicate flavour of this London wine.

Chapel Down.

Oh so Zero.

Kent.

I think it's Kent.

Somewhere in the place.

Somewhere in the place, yeah.

Chapel Down with Judy Love and Lady Beckers.

Well, I can't see any reason why they're not just going to send you a whole crate of those now, Judy.

They're going to be sending it right now.

And they've got a rose, but yeah,

it's the sparkling.

Sparkling.

Sparkle.

Yeah.

Sparkling.

Yeah, well, that's good.

This is a fancy meal.

It's very fancy.

Yeah, isn't it?

I love it no much.

much.

Yeah, I

you know, we try and predict sometimes what the guests might choose.

I didn't really know what you I mean the only thing I know I think the only time I've ever spoken to you about food is just knowing that you like Nando's that's it.

I do like Nando's, but my faith I think I like Nando's a quick thing with the kids, but my favorite, I think one of my favorite West Indian food is Oxtale.

I love it oxtail.

It's got to be cooked really well.

It's got to be succulent and just drop off the bone, sweet and nice.

Nando's is not, it would definitely not be my,

you know if i that that one amazing meal no yeah this is the remember the conversation you had

the gas from from the spark

i was trying to not belt

I was trying to catch you,

I was trying to not burp.

Yeah, so you chose to do that.

and said.

So I was trying to hold it.

And it just, what did my face look like?

I missed it.

I turned around and I just heard a honk.

Yeah.

Did you see my face?

Yeah, your eyes closed.

Your bottom lip, but only your top lip.

And then you kind of blew upwards into your face.

You burped in your own face.

Yeah.

I was trying to hold it.

It's very gassy, this diet coke.

I was trying to hold the belch because it would have came out.

I can't even belch silently because I've got

the mic in my mouth.

I was trying to hold it and then it just forced its way up.

Yeah.

Well, you got away with it, Judy.

Well done.

I'm just beaten up by bubbles

by bubbles.

Oh, my God.

I'm glad we filmed this now.

Yeah.

Oh, my lord.

You'll see what your face looked like.

Don't you worry.

Oh, my gosh.

Go back for more.

Straight in.

Valentine.

Let's do it again.

So, chapel down, if you're listening, that's what happens when she has bubbles.

It's great settings.

You want Lady Bacchus to come down to the vineyard and burp in her own face?

Oh, Lady Backers.

Lady Backers, they might say copyrights, Lady Backers, but I did.

Lady Backers, because there is Bacchus.

How can I say it?

Backshot.

Yeah.

Lady Backshatt?

Yeah, yeah.

Lady Backshatt.

Backshatt.

Backshot.

Yeah, yeah.

Yeah, she could say

is.

Backshat's the opposite of a Facebook.

Yeah.

Lady Backshot.

She'd be like, back shot, but it's...

Yeah, it is the opposite, isn't it?

My gosh, Ed.

Wow.

Wow.

Wow.

Wow.

Wow.

Damn.

You know what I'm saying?

Yeah.

Just loving, just loving every second second of this, Judy.

It's such a good time.

Just enjoying ourselves.

Before we move on, do you remember what you said to me about Nando's

couple of years ago now?

What did I say?

Did I want a black card?

Yeah, well, I told you that, like, because of the podcast, there was talk of us getting black cards, but I wasn't sure yet.

Hold on a minute.

Let me get it right eye vision.

What are you trying to say to me?

No, we haven't got.

On the day that I saw you, this is a couple of years ago now.

I was on my phone and you were like,

you're on your phone all the time today.

You're so nervous.

What are you on your phone all the the time i was like

there's talk of us getting black cards but i'm not sure and and you you were like you suddenly really interested in you and you did i try and breed for you yeah well basically you said i'll tell you this you get a black card you get a black girlfriend

you told me

I was trying to give myself to you, wasn't I?

Oh, yeah.

I was like, and by the way, this will be the black girlfriend.

specifically

what was your response to that?

I just laughed.

I just laughed a lot.

I thought it was funny.

Really?

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

I wasn't scared.

No, I wasn't scared.

Okay, okay, okay, James.

Swim over, babe.

Swim over.

Come on now.

Well, black card in my teeth.

Yeah,

from Lakanda.

From Lakandasha Shakanda.

Hey.

Come over like James Bond with a black card in his teeth.

Okay, babes.

So you didn't get the black card?

No, I didn't get it.

Oh, man.

Didn't work out in the end.

So

turned away at the border.

Yeah.

Get it out of the water.

What happened?

Just didn't.

I don't know what went wrong now.

It was a few years ago.

But like,

didn't work out.

Do you know what?

Nando's did give me free food.

Oh, yeah.

Yeah.

yeah they sent me vouchers and everything oh yeah we ate for days yeah it was nice so thank you very much nando's very much nando's

your dream dessert oh my dream do you know what so uh yesterday i had a dessert that is just so playing on my mind yeah so luscious it was i used to be very much a fan of like anything caramel and chocolate and honeycomb but yesterday i had a thin apple tart

I might have to go back today.

Yeah, where was it from?

It was from the Ivy.

Oh,

it was absolutely divine.

And it was very thin pastry, beautiful, caramelized apple.

Yeah, which I never were.

I can't say it too well.

And it had like honeycomb popping candy on it.

Oh, nice.

And then this lovely, rich, smooth ice cream on the top.

Oh,

It was vanilla.

It was very, very, not rich in a way that, you know, give it indigestion, but creamy.

And it just, and then they

had some brandy or something, and they flamed it and poured it over.

And oh my gosh.

Nice.

It was divine.

Absolutely divine.

So are you thinking about going back there today?

Yes.

Back to the Ivy two days in November for the apple pot, for the apple tart.

Let's try and just try and try and lie and say it was three days ago.

Yes, I might have to order that that to take away i don't even know if they do take away but i'm sure i think the fire might be an issue to take away yeah they'll just let yeah it was true that

the delivery boxes are completely on fire it was so delicious it was really delicious so i think something like that because it's still got a bit of caramel still got a bit of the fruit and i do love pastry especially when the pastry's got a little bit of moistness to it oh it sounds like a dream it's all your favorite things all my favourite things in one brandy and apple is such a nice combo it is isn't it my childhood Oh, yeah?

What?

Just thought of brandy and apples.

Yeah, it just reminded me of my childhood.

Right, why?

Because it was always.

I have never heard anyone.

Because I love apples and there was always brandy in my mum's wardrobe.

And we used to drink out of it and fill it back up with water and apple juice.

So brandy and apple just

reminded me of my childhood.

Sorry.

I'm so glad glad I followed up on that.

Yeah, well done.

I was going to let that show you some straight because I was not used to these kind of comments over the last hour.

Yeah.

Yeah, no one else.

Sorry, so who's who's we?

You and your siblings?

Or is it?

Yeah, we were siblings.

We're going in the wardrobe.

We're my friends.

My mom always had a bottle of brandy in the wardrobe.

That would be like for the guests, found it, and then we'd take some from it and then fill it out with water and apple juice.

So hang on, so this is

water and apple juice.

And then when guests came round and she'd offer them brandy, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, it was just like apple juice, watery apple juice.

So why was it in her wardrobe?

I don't know.

Rather than...

I can't answer now because she's in heaven, but I shouldn't have asked her beforehand.

I don't know.

She's probably hiding it from me.

Yeah.

It was just, I don't know why it was in the wardrobe.

It was just in there.

It was just in the wardrobe.

Maybe that was for medicinal purposes.

Yeah.

Maybe it was like, because rum, there's certain rum like jamaican rum like my mum would use it if you've got like temperature or a bad knee you'd put your hand and rub it on those parts because it's such like high-proof yeah yeah

so maybe that was the rum i don't know maybe that was the brandy so she had it in there for that but instead she'd like you know be rubbing apple juice on her leg because you know what yeah maybe it was that yeah

i think maybe what is you had the little can you had a little cabinet that had the alcohol and that was the extra one that you just put away Yeah, yeah.

If you run out, then you know you've got one spare in the wardrobe.

Yeah, yeah.

So that's why this apple tart with brandy on it reminded you of your childhood.

Childhood.

Apple and brandy.

Because the brandy would be in the wardrobe and you'd replace it with the apple.

Yeah, or I'd eat the apples and then we would sneak out some of the brandy.

So when you're eating the apples, are these like, I'm imagining climbing like trees in an orchard and eating the apples.

Oh my gosh, my friends.

I tell you what, really

reminds me as well because it's that winter feeling of having toffee apples.

So imagine that toffee apple taste or the sweetness of the apple, a little shot of brandy, pastry.

That's childhood.

That's childhood.

That is childhood.

The shot of childhood.

Like fireworks night.

There it is.

Yeah.

Yeah.

I think that was one of the definitions.

Nothing apples on fireworks night.

This wasn't nostalgia, that's the bit.

What's your opinion on Guy Fawkes?

If you could go into loose women mode and give an opinion on Guy Fawkes.

Well, I'm not great on the history.

He burnt down the place, didn't he?

He tried, he tried to.

He tried to bust it.

Yeah, so he's a naughty boy.

And, you know, at that time, everyone has different

emotional needs and people in different places in their life.

And we're not sure exactly where Guy Fawkes was, even though, you know, we have a story, but we haven't spoken direct to him.

So it's hard to really judge.

However, from the evidence, I would say what he was doing was absolutely terrible.

Great, very balanced, very measured.

Balance.

You've used the evidence.

Yeah.

They chopped his knob off when they caught him.

Really?

Why is knob though?

Well, teach him a lesson straight away, right?

Well, he wasn't

setting fire to the places with his dick, was he?

Unless he needed a clinic or something.

What the hell was going on there?

Well, you're

setting fire to places with his dick.

How are you you imagining that?

Is he shooting flames out of his dick or is he striking his dick against a rough surface like a match?

It's like he's shooting the flames out, yeah, yeah, yeah.

Bun, bun, bun, bun,

bam, bam, bam, bam.

That's what I feel like.

So, like, quick, we got to chop his dick off.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

Yeah, I don't think it was in the moment.

They didn't just see him try to set fire to it and just chop his dick off straight away.

I think they arrested him and they were like torturing him and stuff.

But why the dick?

What about his hands?

It's his hands.

These dicks aren't going to get up, go and walk over to a match and light it, is it?

Yeah, but I don't think it was a preventative measure to stop him setting fire to anything else.

I think they'd caught him

and it was like, it wasn't right.

Let's say you set fire to anything else.

I'll chop your dick off.

It was like, we've caught you and now we're going to just torture you.

Wow.

Okay.

I suppose that would be the worst form of torture for any man.

Yeah.

Yeah, I guess so.

Yeah.

I wonder if one of the people caught him was an ex.

They're going, oh, I've got an idea.

Yeah, why would you chop his dick off?

Chat me.

Yeah, chat me.

You never came and threw a stone at my window, so hey, I'm going to make you have no dick.

Forget trying to burn down the place and,

you know, causing devastation.

What about the devastation you caught to my heart?

Yeah.

So for.

Do you know what I mean?

You set me on fire and never came back, bitch.

So I'm gonna chop your dick off.

That's probably what they thought, yeah.

And gathered all the men together, and then they all were like, Yes, yes, yes.

I bet he was gutted when he saw that.

Oh, who's deciding that?

Yeah, I bet he was gutted then.

Just jumping ahead a bit.

I thought he'd be gutted when you saw the people deciding his fate, and one of them was his axe.

Oh, I know where this is headed, but yeah, I'm sure he saw his dick rolling on the floor.

And then I think he literally was gutted.

Yeah, true.

Start with chopping the dick off.

Best place to start.

That's the best place to start.

But that's why, you know, traditionally, like, you eat toffee apples on bonfire night because the stick's meant to represent his dick.

Really?

Yeah.

I like toffee apples.

Yeah, well, you're eating the apple apples night.

So, what is the apple?

What is the apple represent?

I was going to say,

oh, I'm not going to answer that.

Oh,

I like eating the apples.

Top of the apples.

That's a great dessert.

A great dessert.

I'm going to meet your menu back to you now and see how you feel about it, Judy.

Shall I tell you how I feel?

Yeah.

Goddamn hungry.

That's how I feel.

That's it.

We just get you all hungry now.

You've got to go straight to the item.

You would like sparkling water.

Pop numbs or bread.

You want sourdough not too crispy with president salted butter.

starter a seafood platter scotlocks king prawns yellow tail ceviche caviar and butter from a goat pickled cucumbers sorry what pickled cucumber and beach was really nice as well oh and beach really yeah it's like kickled pickled it's a nice pickled really spin sliced pickled anyway

there's a salad on side

of a salad on side show

Who has pickled cucumbers?

Absolutely.

They're good.

It's nice, really nice.

Thank you, you want surf and turf, which is venison and lobster.

Saute spinach and fond of potatoes.

Heritage carrots would be nice.

Baby Heritage Carrots, we could add that on there.

A little sprinkle of heritage.

Is this a buffet?

Would it be a buffet?

It wasn't when we talked about it with you.

I'm sorry, but I'm supposed to be talking about this.

It's the end of the book.

It was engaging.

Sorry, I was fucking out.

It was a buffet.

I wish we could go back for it.

That's just happened in the beginning.

I won't talk about it.

You could have made it a buffet.

If it was a buffet, I'd be like, yeah, we'd be getting new stuff.

Oh, okay.

You're only just now realising what the podcast is.

Oh, sorry, okay.

You go along, babes.

Drink, you want Chapel Downs,

sparkling white wine?

Yeah.

You don't want the rose.

Oh, both.

Both.

Yeah.

Okay.

The rose champagne.

Dessert.

Oh, is it rose?

I thought it was rose.

Rose champagne.

Oh, yeah.

Probably is.

Okay.

Dessert.

Thin apple tart from the Ivy.

Yes.

With my Guinness Punch ice cream.

Okay.

Yeah.

With your Guinness Punch ice cream.

Punch ice cream.

That's fine.

This isn't.

This is.

This is in the BBC.

You can say whatever you like.

Judy, thank you so much.

That was fantastic.

It's a great menu.

Yeah.

Oh, thank you.

Would you eat that?

Yeah, all of it.

Yeah.

And eat it.

Absolutely.

It's really delicious.

Lady Buckshot would like to say thank you very much for having her as well.

It's been an absolute ride of pleasure.

And Queen Safufu.

Queen Safufu is back in her kingdom.

Queendom, actually, shall I say?

And please, white men, swim over.

Swim

over.

Before we end, you want to do your three favourite white men?

Shout them out.

Oh my gosh.

Jonathan Ross.

So quick.

It's really hard.

I've got a list.

Gordon Ramsey.

Dermot O'Leary.

There's too many, obviously.

And James.

That's a good top three.

Yeah, I think the Jonathan Ross, Gordon Ramsey, and Dermot O'Leary.

There we go.

Top three favourite white men.

Judy, thank you so much for coming to the Dream Restaurant.

thanks for having me thank you judy

well there we go james

what an episode what an episode what a guest i'm absolutely exhausted yeah yeah i i laughed a lot i i feel high yeah high as a kite i'm buzzing that was such a fun episode laughing Yeah, very fancy menu.

Yeah, good menu.

This is the thing.

I don't really remember a lot of the menu.

I know that I liked it.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

But that wasn't about the menu.

No, no, it was about the journey.

Yes.

The characters.

Yes.

The stories.

The burping in her own face.

All of those things.

Fantastic.

Truly fantastic.

You must go and see Judy Love on tour.

The one like Judy Love.

Judy Love, the one like Judy Love.

Yeah.

I'm saying it like that because she said on her social media, she says the one like, hello, it's the one like Judy Love.

Yes.

But on this sheet here, it says Judy Love the One Like, which feels like the wrong way around.

But I guess for listings purposes, you've got to put the name first.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Someone's got involved there.

Yes.

The tour is on sale now.

Go to judylove.co.uk for tickets.

There's loads of dates, but

I'm sure Judy will be adding more because she's very popular.

Yeah, yeah.

And thank you, Judy, for not saying ready break, of course.

Oh, thank you, Judy.

I don't think Red.

I mean, she might have said Ready Brett, but I probably didn't hear it because I was crying with laughter.

Yeah, yeah.

And probably like, you know, with Judy, like, if they showed her the dragon beforehand, she wouldn't have been able to eat it for another day.

give it to me tomorrow i could eat it

thank you so much judy uh for coming into the dream restaurant and that's the last episode of the series james the final episode of series 19.

no

nine

so you nearly got it right yes it was a simple little teen that was wrong yeah well you know i never know i mean i had literally no idea which it was so i thought just shoot for that yeah i'm quite surprised i got the first syllable right yeah so quite happy with that actually well done so then that means like i mean really the next series being series 10 we should like that should be something special shouldn't it are they not all special oh yeah that's true but we should do something like extra special for series 10.

what do you suggest uh

every episode is uh the returning guest no i don't think so huh well there's so many people we want to talk to yeah yeah there are other people we want uh

only

people members of the monarchy definitely not james maybe

national treasure only.

I mean, we're sort of there anyway, really.

We're sort of there anyway, actually.

Um, should we just do like a normal series?

Yeah, pretty special pod.

Yeah, it's a pretty special pod.

How about this?

We asked people about like parenting instead and like what it's like to be a parent.

Now, that's not a bad idea.

That's a good idea.

Yeah, maybe we'll James and Ed's parenting heaven.

This is parenting heaven about all the things that are good about being a parent.

Perfect.

We'll see you next series for James and Ed's Parenting Heaven.

Be good.

Bye.

Bye.

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you check your feed and your account you check the score and the restaurant reviews

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Oh, hi, James.

Have you heard the news?

Oh, yeah, go on.

You and I are modern boys because the Off Menu podcast is now on YouTube.

This is embarrassing.

Why is it embarrassing, man?

You love YouTube.

I love watching clips on YouTube.

Sure.

Now people can watch clips of Off Menu on YouTube and full episodes.

But it's embarrassing, man.

It's not embarrassing at all.

It's really cool.

We're on YouTube with the great and good.

The coolest people in the world are on YouTube.

Me, you, Logan Paul.

Who's Logan Paul, the dad from Succession?

Act Off Menu Podcast.

That's what Benito's calling us now.

And we're on TikTok.

This is embarrassing, man.

It's not embarrassing, man.

We're cool.

We're like Olivia Rodrigo.

And Ed.

People have been asking us, badgering us, bothering us, actually.

They want to watch the Stephen Graham supercut from the Stephen Graham episodes.

They can see all of his reactions to us, everything that he did.

Oh, Benito Benito has bent to their whims, and he's going to put it on YouTube.

He's going to do it.

Follow us at Off Menu Official on TikTok, at Off Menu Podcast, on YouTube.

You can watch clips from the podcast, and on YouTube, you can watch full video episodes.

People have been asking for it, and you're finally getting it.

Full video episodes.

So you can see every single nuance on our little faces.