Best of 2022: Part 2

Speaker 1 Hello, it's Ed Gamble here from the Off Menu Podcast.

Speaker 3 Hello, it's James Acaster here from the Off Menu Podcast.

Speaker 5 And before the episode starts, we'd like to talk to you about All Our Relations, a non-profit co-founded by your friend of mine, comedian Jen Brister, and Georgia Takax.

Speaker 1 Yes, All Our Relations was originally started to support 15 families in Gaza when the genocide started, but now supports 21 families and funds several mutual aid projects, including two seven-day food kitchens and two mobile food parcel delivery schemes, as well, feeding hundreds of families in Gaza every single day.

Speaker 1 They've created an absolutely amazing thing. And we feel like, you know, it's the off-menu podcast.

Speaker 1 We talk about food and we are very lucky to eat wonderful food and have access to absolutely brilliant food all of the time.

Speaker 8 And I think we need to talk about people who have access to no food, James.

Speaker 3 Absolutely. So if people would like to donate, please go to allourrelations.co.uk or look at the links in Jen Brister's bio on Instagram.

Speaker 7 Every penny raised goes to supporting people in Gaza. Thank you so much.

Speaker 1 And enjoy the episode.

Speaker 12 And we're back live during a flex alert.

Speaker 13 Oh, we're pre-cooling before 4 p.m., folks.

Speaker 14 And that's the end of the third. Time to set it back to 78 from 4 to 9 p.m.

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Speaker 1 Welcome back to the best of 2022. This is part two of 2022, James.

Speaker 25 2022.

Speaker 28 This is out of all the years in your lifetime, everybody, this is the most amount of twos that are going to be in it.

Speaker 9 Yeah, that's true, actually.

Speaker 31 You can't get me on that.

Speaker 9 You can't.

Speaker 1 I didn't want to get you, A.

Speaker 32 And B, it just took me a couple of seconds to work out that no one's going to live for 200 years from now.

Speaker 35 Yes.

Speaker 36 Well, we've got another batch of clips, Ed.

Speaker 30 Favorite moments from the last 12 months.

Speaker 1 Another classic piece of banter.

Speaker 9 I thought it was quite good.

Speaker 33 Yeah.

Speaker 38 You know.

Speaker 1 I think it's just always the dismount with us.

Speaker 39 Obviously, I know that I should have said that you were going to live for that long, Ed.

Speaker 1 Oh, because you don't think I'm going to die.

Speaker 40 No, but that's from an episode that hasn't been out yet.

Speaker 41 Yeah.

Speaker 39 So we can't really say that.

Speaker 42 So I've considered saying it and then we was like, oh no, they haven't heard that episode yet.

Speaker 1 But stay tuned for that. It's a little teaser for a future episode.

Speaker 45 James doesn't think I'm going to die.

Speaker 46 Ed, can I interest you in some water?

Speaker 47 Oh, that would be lovely, please.

Speaker 1 That's how we start the podcast every week, and it's how we're going to start this one. Still or sparkling water.

Speaker 31 Here's Asma Khan and Nadia Hussein.

Speaker 49 We always start with still or sparkling water.

Speaker 50 Sparkling.

Speaker 51 Very, very boring.

Speaker 52 Straight. No, that's not.

Speaker 53 But still boring choice right yeah sparkling sparkling is the exciting choice

Speaker 56 that's the jazzy water yeah it's the jazzy water would you agree yes a bit more jazzy a bit more fun why would you prefer sparkling over still each time because i this is still something new to me i mean in india if your water had bubbles in it you run

Speaker 60 there's something live at the bottom of the glass breathing through that water you see bubbles you don't drink it i know and it's been 30 years but in my heart there's still stuff i take joy out of

Speaker 56 and yeah to see bubbles and you know that it's not an animal breathing at the bottom of the glass

Speaker 64 i'm gonna think that every time it's a sparkling water now i'm gonna have to check the bottom of the glass and go there's something breathing down there i'll be quite excited yeah if i had a little creature in my glass

Speaker 65 still or sparkling water you are gonna hate me everyone in the world is gonna hate me for this so i really like tepid warm still water ah warm interesting yeah yeah i'm like an elderly person.

Speaker 68 Yeah, my grandma used to drink that. She used to have to have to have a mug of hot water in the morning.

Speaker 65 Yeah, I'm like that. In the morning, the first thing I drink is hot water.
So I drink warm water. And even, I mean, not even warm.
I like it when it's just been sat out.

Speaker 65 And you know when it's just, yeah, you know when it's been sat out and like the kids haven't drank a glass of water and it's like bubbly around the side.

Speaker 58 Oh, I'll happily drink that.

Speaker 65 That's like perfect temperature for me. I do not like cold water.

Speaker 1 Do you leave out some glasses of water before you go to bed to make sure you've got your perfect tepid water?

Speaker 65 No, but the best kind of water is the bottle of water that I take upstairs to bed with me every night. And then I'll drink it.
I may drink it through the night.

Speaker 65 And if I don't, I get really excited when I wake up and it's like bubbly around the side.

Speaker 72 And I'm like, yay, tepid.

Speaker 65 And then I'll drink that.

Speaker 67 And I love that.

Speaker 73 I love that.

Speaker 65 I don't know what it is.

Speaker 72 There you go. James has got...

Speaker 65 Don't entice me, you.

Speaker 74 Don't entice me, you.

Speaker 59 That is my water.

Speaker 7 that was by my bed when I went to sleep and I am drinking it now, to be fair.

Speaker 33 I don't want to tip it away.

Speaker 1 Don't tip it away.

Speaker 65 Don't hurt me. That's like, no, that's good water.
That's like seasoned water.

Speaker 74 Don't ever seasoned.

Speaker 1 A little bit of age to it, like a steak.

Speaker 65 I don't like ice, don't like icy water, and I don't mind a bit of sparkling occasionally, but it has to be tepid and it never is. So I always go for like tepid water.
Sorry to disappoint you.

Speaker 65 This feels like a toffee crisp moment.

Speaker 76 No, it's interesting.

Speaker 48 We haven't had this answer before.

Speaker 1 If you were in a restaurant and they said, would you like some water, still a sparkling or tap water, what would you say to them?

Speaker 65 I always ask them to give me a glass of hot water on the side and then I kind of do my own little mixing.

Speaker 69 Wow.

Speaker 79 No one is ever going to like queenies.

Speaker 82 So you ask for a cold water, a hot water and a thermometer and then you're going to get the exact right.

Speaker 65 Then I kind of do this mixy thing and I tell them don't fill it up because you can't really fill up two glasses. So sometimes they don't listen.
Then I'm like, can I have another glass please?

Speaker 65 And they're like, oh my God, there she is.

Speaker 65 That stupid celebrity asking for three glasses of water you know one empty two different temperatures like can you imagine how ridiculous that sounds but yes but sometimes i just carry my bottle around and that's got the perfect tepid water from the night before so i am never without what ratios we talking when you get the empty glass and you got the hot water and the cold water what percentage of it do you fill with cold water are you actually interested yes we've never had someone say they that they want tepid tap water before in the dream restaurant this might be the only time you ever get to have this conversation.

Speaker 65 You know what I'm so pleased I get to give you new and exciting content. I'm so excited.

Speaker 65 Two-thirds cold and one-third hot and that gives you the perfect tepid.

Speaker 62 Yes.

Speaker 88 That's a recipe for you.

Speaker 80 Yeah. You can have that.

Speaker 55 Thank you. Thanks for that.

Speaker 1 On the rare occasion I've tried to make like bread or like prove something or activate yeast, quite often the recipe says you have to have cold water and then add a certain amount of hot water to bring it to the right temperature.

Speaker 1 Is that where this comes from?

Speaker 65 This idea? I want to say it's as elaborate as that, but yeah, mostly no. I just like deffided water.
I just hate icy water. I hate

Speaker 65 ice lollies. Like my husband loves ice lollies.
Every night, he probably has about five or six. I just don't like cold things.
I don't like super, super cold stuff.

Speaker 65 And that might be just a lifetime of tonsillitis that stopped me from drinking really cold water.

Speaker 74 And that's the real answer.

Speaker 65 So I don't know how we got to tonsillitis, but here we are.

Speaker 64 Oh, water.

Speaker 41 Water, water everywhere.

Speaker 89 Let's drink some water.

Speaker 1 That's the water dealt with.

Speaker 92 Oh, water, my troubles are God.

Speaker 60 Don't go chasing water.

Speaker 1 And talking of overflowing, James, as water sometimes does, our national treasure chest has been overflowing this year.

Speaker 73 So many treasures, man.

Speaker 94 Richard E.

Speaker 95 Grant, Jarvis Cocker, Richard Iowadi, Mel Gedroyk, Lenny Henry, Paul Hollywood, Rob Bryden,

Speaker 98 and Richard E. Grant again in this clip?

Speaker 1 I mean, come on, that's pretty amazing, isn't it?

Speaker 94 Pretty good stuff.

Speaker 31 We have got so many national treasures for you, so sit back and enjoy.

Speaker 26 Pop and absorb bread!

Speaker 101 Pop and absorb bread, Richard E. Grant! Pop and absorb bread.
Bread.

Speaker 102 Yeah? Bread.

Speaker 9 Every.

Speaker 68 I suffer from misophonia.

Speaker 41 Ah, yeah.

Speaker 41 Which is is identified 20 years ago if I was.

Speaker 31 So it immediately made the sound that I was going to say.

Speaker 68 So the sound of a poppadum being crunched near you literally brings the red mist of rage over my

Speaker 68 and I wish I didn't suffer from this, but I do. So the sound of a poppadum is unacceptable.

Speaker 1 So is all of your menu going to be quite soft foods?

Speaker 60 Old age foods you don't need teeth for.

Speaker 1 Sort of silent.

Speaker 68 No, but if I eat an apple, I will go and eat it in a corner on my own so that I don't have to infringe that noise on somebody else close by because I know what that does to me if somebody's doing it close to me.

Speaker 1 Oh, that's nice.

Speaker 33 I've never met a sort of an empathetic mesophone before.

Speaker 54 Oh, are you me? Are you missing me?

Speaker 104 No, no, no.

Speaker 1 But it's always about when anyone talks about it, it's always about what it sounds like to them and how it makes them feel.

Speaker 1 I've never met anyone who's gone, and I also don't want anyone else to hear that. So you have to privately eat crunchy foods.

Speaker 9 Yeah, yeah.

Speaker 68 No, I'll go and sit in the front row of the cinema on my own with a box of popcorn because I know that the sound of that is, it's only I will be hearing how awful that sound is.

Speaker 68 Because if I'm in there, anybody else is doing it, I'm...

Speaker 36 Does the sound of yourself eating make you feel weird?

Speaker 68 I get used to it because greed overtakes the

Speaker 8 greed overtakes the misphonier part of it.

Speaker 68 But yeah, I find that even crunching toast, I think, God, can't you just do it?

Speaker 103 This is the one time I've wished that I could be deaf so that I couldn't hear the sound of it.

Speaker 109 You've been at one of your own film premieres and yours is sat at the front on your own and everyone else is at the back and you're eating popcorn at your own film premieres.

Speaker 68 No, you go at the beginning to do the press stuff because you're required to do that in your contract, and then you don't stay and watch it.

Speaker 110 I've noticed that.

Speaker 29 Sometimes I've gone to watch a film at a film premiere and I've been excited, and everyone's there at the front.

Speaker 89 Oh, all the stars are here.

Speaker 29 And they all leave up the fire escape, and you're like, What the?

Speaker 26 Shalabay, where are you going?

Speaker 68 I know very few actors that like watching themselves in stuff.

Speaker 68 The only analogy I have is that unless you're a voyeur, would you want to watch a replay of yourself having sex?

Speaker 68 Because it's the actor doing it that is pleasurable.

Speaker 23 Yes.

Speaker 68 You know, it's the making of the movie or whatever you're doing, but having to re-watch it afterwards, you go, oh my God, is that what it looks like? Is that what it is?

Speaker 54 Oh, no.

Speaker 33 So it's gruesome. It looks like it's just had a beef burging on.

Speaker 62 Yeah, exactly.

Speaker 113 Exactly. I can't watch that.

Speaker 55 Exactly.

Speaker 52 Exactly right.

Speaker 1 So is an actor who enjoys watching their own stuff a red flag?

Speaker 68 No, because that's passing judgment on somebody else.

Speaker 54 I don't know.

Speaker 114 Because some people,

Speaker 41 I'm sure there'll be critics out there who'll say, well, that's your problem.

Speaker 54 You should have been watching yourself to improve.

Speaker 54 I don't know.

Speaker 68 No, it's the actor doing it.

Speaker 1 I think comics have a similar thing, right?

Speaker 29 Yeah, I can't, I, I, I can, if I'm literally putting out a comedy special, I can watch it during the edit, watch the final version once, yeah, and then I'm never watching it again.

Speaker 117 Yeah.

Speaker 29 Like, and that's the most I'll ever watch myself is when I'm literally putting the thing out and releasing it.

Speaker 42 Yeah.

Speaker 99 And what to make sure it's good.

Speaker 68 What does that make you feel when you watch it?

Speaker 118 That's relief because that's like, okay, I've got it.

Speaker 77 I've got it edited the way I want it.

Speaker 31 It's fine.

Speaker 29 But if I watched it one more time after that when it's finished, I would just be like, shut up, you boring wanker.

Speaker 55 Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

Speaker 119 Get the machete out. It'd be the worst.
Yeah, yeah, get the machete through the TV.

Speaker 26 That's it.

Speaker 9 Whereas you love watching yourself over the time. I love watching myself.

Speaker 1 When I watch James, I think, shut up, you boring wanker.

Speaker 41 Yeah, yeah.

Speaker 26 Often that's the, we have to edit out.

Speaker 19 So the yin and yang.

Speaker 41 Yeah.

Speaker 55 No, I can't bear it.

Speaker 20 I can't bear it either.

Speaker 84 Oh, you can't.

Speaker 1 It's easier when you're watching it for an edit or something because you're in another brain. It's almost like you're not watching yourself exactly watching it for the edit.

Speaker 1 But I would never, certainly for pleasure, never watch anything I'm involved in.

Speaker 33 And a lot of people would agree.

Speaker 45 Paul Benito here has to edit this.

Speaker 30 And at some point in the future, he's going to be sitting there editing a conversation about editing.

Speaker 26 And that is going to be quite the day for him.

Speaker 54 See,

Speaker 68 sitting here waiting, getting the scissors in between the bits where there's big gappy pauses and thinking, get the fuck and move on.

Speaker 123 i mean i have to say actually one thing that i meant to say at the beginning of this conversation is that like i i don't think that like music and food go together at all really yeah in what way i don't know they just seem to be the different things somehow like eating food at while listening to music terrible you'd hate it and just i remember you know um there was a festival on blackheath i think it was it was rumored that it was partly funded by john lewis It's called on Blackheath.

Speaker 123 It started like about 10 years ago or something.

Speaker 29 And

Speaker 123 I was DJing there, and then I was walking around the site, and they did have like weird, they led like a, they were like little mini stages, but then there was a guy coming on cooking.

Speaker 123 It's really, really weird to watch somebody doing that. And then, and then there was one festival that we played in Switzerland, it was.

Speaker 123 In the backstage area, they had like, you know, that raclette stuff that they have, like it's like melted cheese off.

Speaker 123 Yeah, they like scrape the melted cheese off yeah and then you'd like dip bits of bread in yeah so they had one of those backstage and it was on all the time all the time we were playing all i could smell was like

Speaker 125 really strong melted cheese the whole way through yeah which was like it was

Speaker 117 killing me because i was going well it smells nice

Speaker 123 so then it's putting you off you know it's like i don't know and then the real bad thing was we finished the concert and i went back and they turned the fucker off so so i didn't even get any of that.

Speaker 125 I just got tortured by it.

Speaker 123 And then it was like, you know, some bands have a dry ice machine. Some bands have like a cheese fog machine.
And that wasn't really the vibe I was looking for.

Speaker 123 Yeah, I don't think it goes together that well.

Speaker 90 I don't know what your opinion is.

Speaker 128 No, I see.

Speaker 1 From a gig goer's perspective, I never enjoy a gig as much as I've eaten a big meal beforehand. So I don't feel like I can throw myself into it.

Speaker 123 Yeah, and you wouldn't stand there eating a sandwich or something whilst watching.

Speaker 127 Or would you?

Speaker 92 No, I wouldn't because I think of it.

Speaker 1 So from a comedian's perspective, whenever I've done a gig where like weekend comedy clubs and they give people food to eat as well, like they're getting, you know, burger and chips and pints and watching the comedy, it's very distracting.

Speaker 1 And it really feels like you're bottom of the pecking order when someone's tucking into chicken in a basket while you're trying to tell jokes.

Speaker 30 We did a gig together once and during my set, an audience member shouted out, where's my fucking chips?

Speaker 45 And it was very, very depressing for me.

Speaker 42 I'd enjoyed it. I'd enjoyed watching it it happen

Speaker 1 I remember I remember it so distinctly it was in it was in Leicester and it was in a cinema they had a room where they did gigs in this showcase cinema and a woman shouted at James where's my fucking chips and James immediately said with no gap whatsoever I'm never doing this gig again

Speaker 33 it was in Coventry

Speaker 107 I don't remember it that distinctly

Speaker 123 showcase yeah well I'd imagine it's more dangerous for you because if you tell a joke and then people laugh then

Speaker 105 the food are going to come forward.

Speaker 102 All over the place.

Speaker 130 Forget it.

Speaker 38 Alex James says, and forgive me, I don't know what the relationships are between various people in Brit Pop.

Speaker 35 But Alex James has a festival, doesn't he?

Speaker 33 That's food and music.

Speaker 125 Is that correct? Arrest my case.

Speaker 50 That was it with the cheese machine trying to put you off.

Speaker 125 Maybe it was, yeah.

Speaker 113 Yeah, he makes his own cheese, doesn't he?

Speaker 30 Let's start your proper meal. We get Dream Starter.

Speaker 132 Yes, I struggle with starters. I will often avoid one.

Speaker 33 Now, this is controversial.

Speaker 45 I love it when this happens.

Speaker 132 Now, yes, this sounds very showbiz, but we once had a meal together with Nish.

Speaker 36 And I think you ordered All Starters.

Speaker 117 I did order All Starters.

Speaker 113 That was my home.

Speaker 133 I'm so proud of you, man.

Speaker 134 Yeah, thank you, Ed.

Speaker 109 Obviously, I didn't tell it because it would give him the satisfaction.

Speaker 42 He's a starter boy. He loves it.

Speaker 29 Yeah.

Speaker 27 But we're at Artuzi, which is a very nice Italian place.

Speaker 92 And all of the small plates just sounded delicious.

Speaker 31 So I was like, I'm going to do it.

Speaker 96 I'm going to go three or four of them.

Speaker 54 That's a big move. It's very grown up.

Speaker 115 Thank you. Thank you, Ed.

Speaker 111 It was terribly sophisticated.

Speaker 132 Whereas I struggle with starters. Originally, just through tightness, I'd just go, well, why are we,

Speaker 132 you know, when I say we, I always refer to me as we.

Speaker 132 Why are we having a starter when we can just fill up on a stodgy main?

Speaker 29 That's no point.

Speaker 132 Sure. So I wonder whether I might have popcorn for my starter.

Speaker 116 Great. It's light.

Speaker 132 It's very hard to be unhappy eating popcorn.

Speaker 9 I've tried,

Speaker 132 but it's just too silly an action to be truly sad. So you don't want to be full.
And I think popcorn on the edge of the diving board, Hasselhoffs across the way. I'm feeling safe.

Speaker 113 Yeah.

Speaker 132 And I think a little sweet and salty. I have a mixture, sweet and salty.

Speaker 1 How do you ask for them to be put into the bucket?

Speaker 1 One, then, one, then one, then, one.

Speaker 64 Thank you.

Speaker 132 A bit like sedimentary rock. Yes.

Speaker 129 I want layers.

Speaker 132 But I think I want the final, the top layer to be salt.

Speaker 29 Okay.

Speaker 132 Yeah. And the bottom layer to be sweet.

Speaker 136 Because that's pudding.

Speaker 41 It's almost like a whole meal in itself.

Speaker 138 Like a popcorn meal.

Speaker 1 And do you have that sort of chemical memory where if you eat popcorn outside of the cinema, it still puts you in the mode of being in the cinema?

Speaker 132 I eat so much popcorn that I more associate other things with eating popcorn.

Speaker 54 Do you really?

Speaker 132 I eat a lot of popcorn. There's very good popcorn outlets near where where we live.

Speaker 132 It's, you know, in the drum outside, big bag.

Speaker 132 I'm down to a bag a week.

Speaker 129 A big bag.

Speaker 132 Like, there were times when it was a couple of bags a week.

Speaker 96 Wow. Yeah.

Speaker 132 And that's £10 a week on popcorn.

Speaker 1 And that's too much. That's insane, though.

Speaker 132 Please, they deserve every penny they make.

Speaker 129 That popcorn is first class.

Speaker 54 It's first class popcorn.

Speaker 139 Yeah.

Speaker 90 This is exciting.

Speaker 132 They're underselling that popcorn, if anything. I would.
I'd do it by direct debit if they offered it.

Speaker 92 Have you always loved popcorn this is great stuff everyone knows that you love film I do I do love popcorn

Speaker 132 apart from actually apart from in a cinema oh really yeah you can't sure I because my favourite cinema is the BFI well I still think of it as the NFT despite the fungible tokens or whatever and I have heard someone be reproached for opening a sparkling water and then

Speaker 132 some there was a and there was a shh

Speaker 132 and there was such ferocity in the shh which is too similar a noise to what's just happened Exactly.

Speaker 35 It just sounds like...

Speaker 41 I'm going to open my water now.

Speaker 92 Just doing it in pressure of the water.

Speaker 91 Yeah, exactly.

Speaker 132 So in a way, I find someone eating popcorn in a cinema, I find that quite stressful.

Speaker 132 And so if I see that people are eating popcorn in a cinema, I sometimes will have to get popcorn so that I can be in charge of the sounds.

Speaker 110 Maybe I'll come to some

Speaker 89 DFI to watch films because I absolutely fucking hate the cinema now.

Speaker 124 Well,

Speaker 29 everyone's doing what they want. It's noisy.

Speaker 54 People

Speaker 54 calls.

Speaker 9 When are you going and where are you going?

Speaker 124 Yeah, where are you going?

Speaker 38 I was going anywhere. Like, they're just wherever the nearest one is.

Speaker 124 I'll pop along and they're all there

Speaker 109 on their phones, lighting their faces up.

Speaker 1 Midweek afternoon.

Speaker 54 That's it.

Speaker 41 I went once to

Speaker 92 a screen in the parasite before it had come out proper.

Speaker 29 Yes.

Speaker 92 There's a Q ⁇ A afterwards with the director.

Speaker 26 Yes.

Speaker 98 Next to me was a lady who was on her phone for most of it.

Speaker 90 Stop it.

Speaker 92 And then, when there was the Q ⁇ A talking about

Speaker 132 in class and stuff like that she was like agreeing really vocally with him as if like she'd watched it as if she'd watched the film she'd been there in a big fur coat very posh lady was she reviewing it potentially no way she was because i looked over at one point she's what's happening mate oh i'm chatting that is outrageous behavior what do you think of the new trendy popcorns your joe's joseph's no no no i don't want toffee on a popcorn it makes it wet and and i don't like the yeah i can't even the cheese popcorn no no cheese popcorn no no no no no no no what about when it's just like a fun colour when they put make it like fluorescent no i can't i can't cope with anything but it tastes other than straight up popcorn i don't like any fun colours yes it feel i just don't i'm not that keen on decorative food uh-huh i find it quite stressful i just feel the effort and i feel you know it's enforced fun is not as good as as you found in the crystal maze yes do you pop your own corn?

Speaker 132 I hope that's not a euphemism.

Speaker 110 I have

Speaker 132 in microwave popcorn in the early,

Speaker 132 well, probably I'm creeping to senescence, but I remember microwave popcorn coming out and that being a terrifically exciting prospect that you could put it.

Speaker 132 A lot of fires, often blackened popcorn, would result from overcooking it.

Speaker 129 Yeah.

Speaker 132 And in a way, that was more, it was more exciting just to set the popcorn on fire and then dispose dispose of it. That was almost the best interaction you could have.
But it was never quite good.

Speaker 132 The heat was pleasant, but there would be some ones that would be molten and hot and kernels. The kernels, yeah.
And I'd always find it depressing that some of the kernels didn't pop.

Speaker 132 You felt like you'd failed.

Speaker 1 And then you crunch animal too hard and it's off to Danny Glover in the morning.

Speaker 132 Yeah, and then you spiral down.

Speaker 132 Before you know it, you're out the crystal maze and you're having a panic attack.

Speaker 93 Also, the pops, so some it's like done in the microwave.

Speaker 117 Yes.

Speaker 27 And the instructions are when it gets down to this many seconds between pops, then let it out.

Speaker 109 So I'm there counting the seconds between the pops.

Speaker 105 And I think...

Speaker 116 I don't know if any food's worth this in my life.

Speaker 132 It's a lot like giving birth, isn't it? You've got to just count those contractions. And I think mothers listening to this will appreciate the comparison.

Speaker 117 Yeah, sometimes.

Speaker 132 It's almost as stressful waiting for those

Speaker 132 final seconds. You don't want to leave it to, yeah, you don't want to char them, but you don't want a bag full of unpopped corn.

Speaker 132 before we move on to the main and i know you're gonna say that like this but chocolate covered popcorn oh no why i just know you'd have a bar my mum had a chocolate shop what the house yes that's right yeah lucky she wasn't my mum but you had a chocolate shop in woodbridge les chocolate belge wow that's what it was called i love that yes went to went to belgium to get chocolate it was quite fancy chocolate shop it sounds it i and i um spent every day after school in the chocolate shop, hence my love of air conditioning,

Speaker 132 because it had to be kept cool because chocolates didn't have preservatives.

Speaker 132 And I packed up boxes of chocolates to the extent that I would rebel by buying Cadbury's, which my mum would find unbelievable.

Speaker 132 Why would you buy Cadbury's mini egg when, you know, you've got two bells with chocolate chocolate?

Speaker 111 Often it was too rich.

Speaker 29 Sure.

Speaker 27 But that's a...

Speaker 1 Yeah, so you can't knock them back, can you?

Speaker 132 No, you can't slam a load of violet creams without having to pay the consequences.

Speaker 132 consequences what a way to rebel yeah bought some mini eggs month yeah bad luck just yeah just had a curly whirly which

Speaker 132 your quality belgian chocolate that's exciting yeah that is really exciting i mean yeah was there like a star of the show at the belgian chocolate shop pralines were the workhorse i'd say of the entire shop chocolate pralene yeah easter is a big that's a big time in the chocolate trade uh-huh that's really that's christmas yeah easter's christmas christmas is christmas is

Speaker 63 kind of like Easter.

Speaker 132 Christmas is still Christmas, but Easter's like Christmas plus.

Speaker 132 So, yes, Easter was a very tense time.

Speaker 132 And every year, my mum would always say, I think I've bought too many chocolates.

Speaker 92 She always had a pattern, she went, but I bought far too many chocolates.

Speaker 135 And at the end, she'd go, I should have bought more chocolates.

Speaker 132 I always found it quite a disturbing pattern.

Speaker 117 Would she go over and get them herself and bring them back?

Speaker 132 It was more sort of sourcing, tasting, seeing the developments, what was new on the chocolate scene.

Speaker 9 Well,

Speaker 132 she said.

Speaker 117 Did you ever go to Belgium with her?

Speaker 132 I didn't. No, I was too young.
I'm still too young to go to Belgium. I think you really need to be mature to go to Belgium.

Speaker 54 One day.

Speaker 89 Did your friends get excited that you had a chocolate show?

Speaker 132 It's just, you know, it's not children's chocolate, Belgian chocolate. It's just quite, it just feels sort of...
fussy. It was quite old-fashioned.

Speaker 132 It was sort of, I'd say the mean age of customer was 60. It was a lot of sort of treats at the end of the week.

Speaker 115 And expensive, right?

Speaker 1 Why is expensive?

Speaker 132 When you're sold by weight, yes.

Speaker 63 When you're a kid, you don't want to, like, even, I wasn't even going into like Thornton's.

Speaker 116 No, no.

Speaker 141 You just want to have a lot of stuff.

Speaker 132 If you don't go into Thornton's, it looks like a gift shop. It looks like adult business in there.

Speaker 26 This is pre-I've got so many questions.

Speaker 6 It's pre-breakfast.

Speaker 132 It's almost like a charcuterie of chocolates. Yes.

Speaker 105 I've got so many questions.

Speaker 33 It's pre-breakfast.

Speaker 30 I'm so excited.

Speaker 109 Because

Speaker 102 if one of my friends at school had a chocolate shop, yeah man I'd have been there all the time well so would your dad so would my dad my dad would be like

Speaker 132 no it wasn't I never really saw children come in and was this like pre-salt in chocolate and stuff oh yes this wasn't all of that kind of uh business and I have to say that the the chocolates well I don't have to say I'm choosing to say let's have some autonomy I'm choosing to say that the chocolates were excellent yeah so much so that I can't really eat any chocolate now without without having a slight snobby

Speaker 26 reaction.

Speaker 132 I'm just going, it's fine. It's the closest I'll get to be a sommelier.

Speaker 132 I can, I do have quite a refined chocolate palate.

Speaker 29 I'm jealous, man. Yeah.
This is great.

Speaker 132 Excellent milk chocolate. Very hard to do milk chocolate without it having a sort of chemically

Speaker 132 aftertaste. It's got to be fresh.
You can't have preservatives. Unless you're buying chocolate from a refrigerated outlet, forget it.

Speaker 115 Forget it.

Speaker 132 Okay, it's like UHT milk. yeah that's basically what you're dealing with so let me say that if any if people take anything away from today

Speaker 127 it I hope it's that

Speaker 142 let's have a sort of a pyramid yeah of Scotch like a Ferrero Roche pyramid that's got checks yeah thank you yeah and and somebody comes in yeah and says what's the catchphrase oh the ambassadors always

Speaker 125 see

Speaker 54 that

Speaker 96 the catchphrase what is it um uh uh hang on Oh,

Speaker 142 what is it? Well, the ambassador is always delighted to see you or something.

Speaker 81 That sounds wrong.

Speaker 73 Really lame catchphrase. What is it?

Speaker 142 Oh, the ambassador's reception is always...

Speaker 25 Something about the ambassador's reception.

Speaker 117 Go on.

Speaker 142 Was it voiceover or was it actually somebody speaking?

Speaker 61 I think it was a voiceover, wasn't it?

Speaker 142 The ambassador's receptions were always highly talked about.

Speaker 33 Something like that. And then someone would come in and say, The Ambassador is always pleased to see you.

Speaker 93 It wasn't that, was it? No, it wasn't even.

Speaker 54 It was close enough.

Speaker 31 It was.

Speaker 26 Do you know?

Speaker 31 Our ambassador with these Ferreira Rusches should have really spoiled it.

Speaker 36 Oh,

Speaker 36 oh, James.

Speaker 70 Oh, God, of course it is.

Speaker 142 That really annoys me.

Speaker 1 No, I think you're pretty close with the Ambassador who's always very happy to see you here.

Speaker 125 What is it again, James?

Speaker 54 Ambassador's receptions were always highly talked about.

Speaker 124 What was our ambassador with his Ferrero Rochester?

Speaker 42 You're really spoiled it, though.

Speaker 113 That's exactly it.

Speaker 142 Our ambassador with his Scotch eggs, you are really spoiling us.

Speaker 88 There you go.

Speaker 143 Yeah, it's the spoiling us, isn't it?

Speaker 74 That's the key.

Speaker 68 I've got three brothers and three sisters. And it'd be Kay, who's four years older than me, Sharon and Paul, and sugar and water, sugar sandwiches with butter.

Speaker 68 And then we'd wrap that in newspaper and put this.

Speaker 68 It was all fields around here, but we'd go off and have an adventure. So, yeah, still water, please.

Speaker 1 You must have been absolutely buzzing off your head.

Speaker 41 Yeah, we're off the hill.

Speaker 60 Do you remember? I don't remember.

Speaker 60 Do you remember playing? Do you remember when you're, I'm playing?

Speaker 68 Do you remember that?

Speaker 114 What was that?

Speaker 55 It went on for hours and nothing really happened.

Speaker 144 Yeah, I'm playing.

Speaker 60 We're playing. And it was going.

Speaker 54 What were the games?

Speaker 68 You know, if you look at books and you read American, you know, rite of passage books, when they go out and play, it's always quite structured. They're always playing baseball or something.

Speaker 68 In Britain, we did kick the can and hide and seek.

Speaker 145 And we climbed trees and we ran around

Speaker 96 because of all the sugar. Yeah.

Speaker 41 We used to run to our mates' house.

Speaker 100 Stop playing. Yes.

Speaker 54 And then you'd just run to somebody else. It wasn't actually playing.

Speaker 41 Unless there was a ball or a cricket bat or something.

Speaker 90 I love the sugar water thing.

Speaker 29 Sugar water, sugar sandwiches.

Speaker 68 Yeah, sugar sandwiches were dope. Have you ever had one?

Speaker 69 No. It's really nice.
But

Speaker 146 the butter and the sugar is a thing.

Speaker 125 Yeah, yeah.

Speaker 33 It's just a good sort of like a nice paste, like a fondant sort of thing.

Speaker 1 Yeah, it's delicious.

Speaker 54 It's kind of, mmm, okay. It's delicious.

Speaker 68 Sugar, butter, white bread.

Speaker 147 White bread was a thing.

Speaker 54 We had a lot of white bread, yeah, wasn't the bread, which is sugar, basically.

Speaker 68 But you don't eat, we don't really, it's you know, sourdough now and rye bread. We don't do that anymore.
But white bread was a thing and grew up with that.

Speaker 68 Sour bread, tap water, lots of sugar in everything.

Speaker 148 Yeah, we're all diabetic, and nobody cares.

Speaker 54 Nobody cares.

Speaker 114 I'm diabetic.

Speaker 68 We're type two, nobody cares.

Speaker 54 Get over yourself, have a party.

Speaker 89 Ed's type one, so he's looking down on the immediately.

Speaker 86 I'm the best one.

Speaker 92 What adventures would you go on?

Speaker 104 Well, we'd go when you had a bike, did you do this?

Speaker 68 We had six bikes with your mates and you just go somewhere and you didn't know where you were going.

Speaker 68 You'd try to not be on the main road because you might get killed, but you'd go off the main road and go to a canal or there'd be a hill or something. So we'd go all around Dudley.

Speaker 68 The Tipton to Netherton Canal was a good place to go because it was just shopping trolleys in the water and puppies trying to swim after they'd been chucked in

Speaker 68 and

Speaker 68 rescuing nearly dead puppies from the canal, eating sugar sandwiches and talking a lot and trying not to get pushed in the water by your friends. That was a big thing.

Speaker 145 Your mates pushing you in the water because that was funny.

Speaker 68 So there was a lot of that going on. And then as you got older, the adventures were one of you could drive.
Yeah.

Speaker 68 And so they'd borrow a dad's car and you'd go for miles and just maybe go to a pub and drink underage or just go for lots of driving.

Speaker 68 And there was that exploratory, because I never had a car i never had any money but my mom told me and this is in the book to hint to you must integrate with the dodly people then go out there try not to box anybody down eat their food and get on with people otherwise you won't fit in so the whole fitting in thing meant having white friends because it wasn't really a thing in my house of friendship because we had the family there's like seven of us so didn't really need friends but going out and integrating meant meeting white people and hanging out with them going to their houses.

Speaker 68 So when I met Greg and Mac and Tom, who were my best friends in the world, who were brilliant, a bit older than me, went to grammar schools, suddenly I had a different perspective on life.

Speaker 68 I listened to different types of music. You know, Mac

Speaker 68 introduced me to John Peel and Tyrannosaurus Rex and Emmerson Lake and Palmer. And Greg listened to Dylan and the Beatles and Simon and Garfunkel and stuff.

Speaker 68 And, you know, Tom liked Genesis and things like that. So I was listening to different music.
I was eating different things, ham, egg and chips, pay and chips, Scottish egg and everything with chips.

Speaker 77 And then I'd go go home and have my dinner because I'd never always hungry.

Speaker 68 So

Speaker 68 I had this weird

Speaker 68 life of trying to integrate trying to assimilate into British culture and it was it was an adventure. And so our adventures were different to earlier adventures.

Speaker 68 Our adventures were going to discos and driving everywhere and going to these pubs where people say we don't get many darkies in here.

Speaker 104 And we've got one now.

Speaker 52 Oliver Shandy, please.

Speaker 68 And Greg tells a story about us going on this big adventure to this pub, scotch egg crisps, pickled onions, scratchings, scratchings.

Speaker 68 And Greg said, we went in and I went to the jukebox and quite a lot of people walked out of the pub because I was the only black guy in the pub.

Speaker 68 And when I turned around from the jukebox and I'd probably put Slade on or the roubettes or something, the pub was empty. So we had it to ourselves.
And he said that happened a lot.

Speaker 54 And so...

Speaker 68 I had to deal with that. Once I was on the telly, it was different.
Everybody wanted to be near the kid who was on the telly.

Speaker 68 But when I was was just this black kid in ill-fitting flares and a tank top, there was a real thing in the Midlands of, you know, what's he doing here kind of thing. But we overcame that.

Speaker 68 And because these guys were, honestly, they were brilliant. They drove me everywhere.
They lent me money. They were kind.

Speaker 68 I suddenly had this bigger idea of who I was and what I was going to do. And I don't know if you had mates who made,

Speaker 68 they definitely said I was funny. They're definitely, you're funny, you are, you should do something with that.
And made me think, like, oh, okay, I could be on stage. I could do that.

Speaker 68 They made me go on stage.

Speaker 90 Right. Did you have friends like that?

Speaker 109 No, I was too much of a

Speaker 109 show-off in my friendship group that they were like, well, he's going to do that anyway.

Speaker 33 That's completely enough.

Speaker 41 That's not encouraging me.

Speaker 151 Yeah, yeah.

Speaker 33 They tried to get me to play it down, definitely.

Speaker 86 Really? Calm down.

Speaker 41 Just keep it.

Speaker 33 You're doing impressions amongst them and stuff like that where they like.

Speaker 43 Yeah, you could do a crap impressions too.

Speaker 68 I'm not saying I was any good, but I did impressions of anything I saw on the telly.

Speaker 68 Anything I heard on the radio. So there was a lot of,

Speaker 68 somebody called Adrian Just used to play the goons a lot. So I was always doing, oh, I know, I was doing that voice a lot.
I was doing anything Dave Allen did, I loved.

Speaker 68 The idea of just sitting there and telling stories was quite focused, and I quite liked that. And Dave Allen was kind of cool.

Speaker 68 He had that kind of black suit, white shirt, black tie thing, cigarette, glass of whiskey, telling stories and being kind of...

Speaker 68 I don't care if you laugh or not kind of thing. And I thought, oh, that's interesting.
And then Benny Hill. Everybody loved Benny Hill at my school.
Pythons.

Speaker 68 Pythons were weird because in my family, we laughed at the cartoons. We liked Terry Gilliam stuff.
We kind of like global hide and seek and the Spanish Inquisition.

Speaker 68 But I remember my mum, it was quite rude, but laughing at the Terry Gilliam cartoons. And so I kind of had a really good sense of what visual humor was.

Speaker 68 And so I noticed when Terry Gilliam did the credits for the Marty Feldman show, I thought, oh, that's Terry Gilliam. I knew who Terry Gilliam was.

Speaker 68 And I kind of started to recognise writing, who'd written things. So this was stuff I hadn't been taught or anything.
I hadn't been to college to learn this.

Speaker 68 I just, I knew that that might be a John Junkin joke or a Barry Cryer joke or something, which is why you watched Kenny Everett. And I started to be interested in who'd written it.

Speaker 68 Not just Kenny, because I thought, oh, Kenny's just mad and funny anyway, but, oh, yeah, Barry Cryer and Ray, who's that? And who are these people? So, you know.

Speaker 68 I definitely wasn't thinking what my mates were thinking. Plus, I was writing jokes down.

Speaker 54 Oh, okay.

Speaker 68 I don't know if you did that, but I was writing things down. And that was...

Speaker 1 From things that you were seeing.

Speaker 68 I was writing down things I was seeing. I was writing comments about them.
I was writing how that might work if I did it.

Speaker 68 It was a weird early attempt at craft, I think, of

Speaker 68 thinking about why some jokes work.

Speaker 68 So I kind of had a thing where I was thinking all the time about types of humor.

Speaker 68 And I didn't write, never wrote, never, you know, when I was in a writing room eating sandwiches and people were saying, you should do this, Len, I had lots of energy, but I didn't actually write things down I'd kind of have energy in the room yeah which is writing by the way but it wasn't seen as writing started to get a credit near the end of Three of a Kind and the Lenny Henry show I started to get a writing credit then because people realized that I was writing but it was tricky so writing the books has been a release a huge release of just me in my pants with Jamie Dodgers and

Speaker 68 full sugar coke

Speaker 68 just writing on my own and listening to very loud music run the jewels and very and like cake and a computer is everything. Great.

Speaker 117 So that's what I got COVID from. Run the jewels gig, did you?

Speaker 31 Really?

Speaker 29 Yeah, I definitely got COVID at that run the jewels gig.

Speaker 26 Well, yeah,

Speaker 29 I tested positive enough days after that, that's the incubation period. I'm pretty sure.

Speaker 68 Was it a big gig?

Speaker 29 Was it a lot of people in British Academy?

Speaker 68 They're kind of mad run the jewels. I don't quite understand it, but they are very good.

Speaker 68 I think their kind of sense of percussion in terms of the words and what they're talking about, particularly on the last album, which is all about gun crime and stuff. Brilliant, really brilliant.

Speaker 68 And Killer Mike's, when Killer Mike got up to make that speech after George Floyd died, it reduced me to tears. Mainly because I thought, A, I wouldn't like it if Killer Mike stood on my foot.

Speaker 68 Have you seen how big he is? But also because

Speaker 68 people in his family are connected to law enforcement. And he just talked about...

Speaker 68 The idea that not all law enforcement is evil, that we've got to find some way to work together. This should not have happened.
You know, it was so moving. I just thought, God, you're great.

Speaker 68 And you write funny and witty and very potent lyrics too.

Speaker 124 They are so funny.

Speaker 1 Like, I was at that gig as well.

Speaker 1 Did you get COVID?

Speaker 33 No, I was in the seating area.

Speaker 55 No,

Speaker 55 I was a VIP.

Speaker 118 I was upstairs.

Speaker 55 I was like, I was all out of lateral flavour.

Speaker 1 And normally I stand at gigs, but

Speaker 1 that's the first time I've sat down and thought, actually, this is way better.

Speaker 68 How can you dance, though, if you're stuck in that seat?

Speaker 9 Just wiggle around and wiggle it.

Speaker 33 Wiggle in your seat.

Speaker 77 You're a seat wiggler. Me too.

Speaker 115 I like seat wiggling.

Speaker 68 I can't beat. I saw Chris Rock and i sat quite near the front and i was a bit

Speaker 68 people snogging and eating sandwiches around him

Speaker 68 i would much rather have been in vip

Speaker 68 standing there and looking over people's heads and goes this is rather funny he's talking about tottenham how does he know about tottenham

Speaker 154 you're going to you're going to go to iceland uh i don't think so because i was i went there during city bakes i did the series called city bakes where travelled all over the place Went to Iceland and we bade this bread, which we buried in the volcanic sort of heated waters and we left that for 24 hours then the guys took me to their pub to try shark and it and it was that fermented shark

Speaker 154 and i was like what he said you've got to try it to delicacy and i went what so

Speaker 131 and you you

Speaker 155 everyone in the everyone in the pub left

Speaker 112 he doesn't seem to understand he just keeps saying what

Speaker 154 they all left the pub and literally they're all outside looking through the glasses at the bar with this barman he gave me this container he says it's in the container so i opened up it was like one of you know these Russian dolls.

Speaker 154 Yeah. Eventually, it got through to this little pot, and I opened it up, and I went, That doesn't smell all right.
It literally takes about a minute for it to hit your nostrils.

Speaker 154 I had a little bit and in the mouth,

Speaker 54 it's a bit like a crap stick.

Speaker 154 But then within 10 seconds, the ammonia burns your nose and the smell.

Speaker 41 Oh, geez.

Speaker 154 Literally, it took the pub about three days to clear it.

Speaker 133 So, why it was worth it for the prank?

Speaker 94 Why have they got it then?

Speaker 154 They don't waste food, they don't waste. I mean,

Speaker 154 in Iceland, I had meringues made with sheep's blood.

Speaker 54 Wow. They don't waste the blood.

Speaker 154 And if you emulsify blood with sugar, it actually emulsifies and you can make meringues with it.

Speaker 9 Wow.

Speaker 154 So they made these grey meringues. And he said, try its meringue.
It didn't tell me what was in it. So I tried it.
And I went, that's really unusual. It tastes good though.
So it's made with blood.

Speaker 55 What?

Speaker 151 Really?

Speaker 84 And they're like, I was the what guys turned up.

Speaker 121 Saying it again.

Speaker 159 I gave him a blood meringue.

Speaker 155 Guess what he said?

Speaker 1 What would you do if someone turned up on Bakehoff and made sheep's blood meringue?

Speaker 10 It would taste great. Yeah.

Speaker 154 I mean, it wouldn't be on Vegan Week, but I mean,

Speaker 154 it did taste like, but they don't waste anything. You know, if you're going to eat an animal, you know, they don't waste anything.

Speaker 86 The eyeballs, the whole thing, tripe.

Speaker 154 I mean, they eat everything. And you think, fair play, they're not going to waste everything.
Okay, that was the survival thing in Iceland. Yeah.

Speaker 115 That's what they mean.

Speaker 9 Probably not. Meringues.

Speaker 22 Yeah, I was going to say,

Speaker 19 we need some meringue.

Speaker 10 And we've got nothing to eat.

Speaker 19 Let's make a meringue.

Speaker 69 Have we got any cream?

Speaker 31 You brought up meringue and cream, and I thought about asking you about baked Alaska gate, but you know, that was.

Speaker 27 I'm sure you've moved on from that.

Speaker 38 We asked Sue Perkins about it when she was on the pod.

Speaker 43 Oh, yeah.

Speaker 39 She talked about it for a bit.

Speaker 41 It was bad there.

Speaker 1 I know you're all probably still obsessed with Baked Alaska Gate.

Speaker 35 Yeah, we are obsessed with when he threw the Baked Alaska in the bin.

Speaker 9 Well, he did throw it away.

Speaker 154 And the problem is,

Speaker 9 we were upset when he threw it away.

Speaker 154 Sue came running over to me. I was in the green room.

Speaker 157 Ian, he said, He's just throwing his baked Alaska in the bin.

Speaker 129 I went, What?

Speaker 160 Of course you said that.

Speaker 157 So I

Speaker 27 I came back and I went have you been doing he said oh it was a mess

Speaker 154 basically his ice cream was never gonna set yeah and I think it was Diane uh was there Diane had opened up the fridge or moved somewhere out the fridge but it's literally out for a minute so his recipe was essentially wrong anyway but the fact is he threw everything away we had nothing to judge and what does that tell you know for the kids watching it what it means is if you throw a hissy fit and chuck everything in the bin you're still gonna do all right that's not what we were trying to say so hence him leaving, yeah.

Speaker 1 I mean, because you are like, if even if it showed up like a complete soup, like James, Jameses did, you will still taste it and go, I see what you were going for, and that was the flavor you were going for.

Speaker 41 But even it was just a meringue, yeah.

Speaker 154 All the ice cream are gone, at least we're eating something, yeah. But to do nothing and just have a fit and throw it in a bin is probably not the best thing I felt for it.

Speaker 35 I think he regrets that, to be honest, I'm sure.

Speaker 93 Okay, what though?

Speaker 157 His sister now has a Baked Alaska business on his stage, it's going really well.

Speaker 130 She really thrived over lockdown.

Speaker 145 I have three,

Speaker 68 Let me look at my...

Speaker 145 No, yes, three oyster-related stories.

Speaker 45 Each of them involving a famous person.

Speaker 23 Oh, this is a good thing.

Speaker 45 Now, for a food podcast, I mean, this is man from heaven.

Speaker 109 This is falling into our laps here.

Speaker 145 Okay, so Tom Jones, James Corden, Dale Winton.

Speaker 33 You choose the order.

Speaker 109 Who are we starting with? I personally would like to go...

Speaker 125 I'm asking you for your starter now. Hang on, should we say?

Speaker 117 You will choose the same. Same time, right.

Speaker 33 Okay, so it's going from

Speaker 54 first to last.

Speaker 33 Ready?

Speaker 93 One, two, three.

Speaker 54 Gordon, Jones, Winter.

Speaker 139 You were, you were together.

Speaker 113 Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Speaker 165 Good lord.

Speaker 9 So, James, okay.

Speaker 145 The second time, I went back to do a second series of this show in Australian, Sydney, and it was the same time that James was touring the world with the History Boys at the National Theatre, and the same time that he and Ruth were getting Gavin and Stacey together, and they'd given me the script and asked me to play Uncle Bryn.

Speaker 145 And I was reticent because I thought he's quite similar to Keith Barrett in that he's a naive, well-meaning Welshman. And I still harbored ambitions to be Robert De Nero at that stage.

Speaker 145 And I thought, well, I can't just keep on doing this thing.

Speaker 45 Hey, turns out you can.

Speaker 145 So I was undecided. So we meet up one day, he and I, at the beach at Manly, and we chatty, chat, chat.
And I thought, but the oyster thing was I took him out for lunch.

Speaker 145 There's a lovely restaurant in Rose Bay. called Catalina.
And from there, you see

Speaker 145 the seaplanes landing and taking off.

Speaker 68 It's so gorgeous.

Speaker 145 And I take him there, and I'm really on my oyster kick by now. I'm Mr.
Oyster. And I say to James, we've got to have oysters.

Speaker 145 Because James, while now is who he is, he was this very provincial kid from High Wickham.

Speaker 147 You know, oh, you know, like that.

Speaker 169 You know what? I said, you want some oysters?

Speaker 80 Oh, I've never had an oyster.

Speaker 147 And I said, well, he goes, oh, I don't know, Bobby.

Speaker 127 He calls me Bobby.

Speaker 114 I'm not sure.

Speaker 145 I said, well, come away, we have some oysters. So he would only have it.
You know, you can get those deep-fried oysters.

Speaker 145 So he would settle for for that. Well, okay, it's something.

Speaker 100 Oh, no, no, no, no.

Speaker 36 He tried.

Speaker 145 He tried a normal one. So he has it right.
It's all there ready to go. Put some vinaigrette on it, right? And he sits there, right? The man who would conquer the world.

Speaker 68 But this is before that.

Speaker 145 And he sits there and he looks nervous and he goes and he tips it up, put it into his mouth, and he keeps it in his mouth, right?

Speaker 145 And then you look at his face. And of course, he's a wonderful actor, but this was all real, but he's showing you everything.

Speaker 68 So he's sat in it and he looks terrified, right?

Speaker 77 Terrified.

Speaker 132 And he's like this.

Speaker 145 But then he starts to get a sense of the flavours.

Speaker 54 Oh, it's quite nice.

Speaker 170 So then he goes,

Speaker 145 and his face is changing. And he starts to sort of chew a little.

Speaker 145 And he's about to swallow when the weather changes in his mind.

Speaker 68 Oh, no, he doesn't like this.

Speaker 145 And the fear comes back. And he goes,

Speaker 145 and he spits it out into a napkin.

Speaker 102 Oh, no.

Speaker 1 At that point, did you look at that and think, this guy's going to conquer the world?

Speaker 145 I thought, this provincial bozo is going nowhere

Speaker 45 this small town sam he ain't gonna amount to nothing

Speaker 109 so tom jones

Speaker 145 please when we did islands in the stream number one thank you very much um for comic relief yes it's a novelty record but i don't like to think of it that way um we went for a dinner me claire james ruth tom

Speaker 93 sons

Speaker 93 in this one

Speaker 145 he makes a cameo in this yeah he was there yeah so so we go for dinner at the sort of chef's table at Corrigan's restaurant, which is in Mayfair.

Speaker 145 And if you ever spend time around Tom Jones, he is the ultimate alpha male. And they order what you want for starting.

Speaker 68 He goes, I love oysters.

Speaker 145 Right. And we think, well, how many? Well, I would never have more than six oysters.
I love a dozen.

Speaker 115 Good God, a dozen oysters?

Speaker 68 I mean, good, that's a lot of oysters, right?

Speaker 116 That's why it's so potent. Yeah,

Speaker 23 yeah.

Speaker 145 And I'll never forget. You know, you know, you get the section of lemon in muslin, muslin.

Speaker 145 So he gets it, and it was just the way he squeezed the lemon over the 12 oysters was one of the most manly things.

Speaker 145 You know, what's that flight of the Concords line? I'm so prone to all the women in the front row got pregnant.

Speaker 104 I mean, it's like that.

Speaker 145 I would have recommended pregnancy tests for those because it was so, as he did it, I was watching him and I kind of went,

Speaker 145 it was just, you know, because he's from another era. I mean, he's super successful, not in this era, but you know what I mean? He comes from another time, doesn't he?

Speaker 145 I know it was amazing. So that's my second.

Speaker 1 So when he revealed the lemon after he'd squeezed it, did it look like it'd been through a juice?

Speaker 76 Nothing left. There's nothing left.

Speaker 135 That lemon was done.

Speaker 89 When Tom Jones is shucking the oysters, is he like...

Speaker 109 doing some of his trademark you know noises in between the oysters

Speaker 112 it's a lovely thought isn't it you know what it would you like me to imagine what that would sound like?

Speaker 54 Yeah, yeah.

Speaker 9 Well, I'm going to,

Speaker 54 I'm going to, I'm going to eat the oyster, you know, with my mouth.

Speaker 99 And you go,

Speaker 69 exactly.

Speaker 41 Yeah.

Speaker 55 Right.

Speaker 46 Tastes, it tastes good.

Speaker 167 As if good is an exotic word.

Speaker 54 Yeah. Yeah.

Speaker 41 So that's.

Speaker 117 Shucking doesn't mean just eating, by the way.

Speaker 113 Shucking is the opening, though.

Speaker 29 Yeah, yeah.

Speaker 29 Shucking is open.

Speaker 100 They were already shucked.

Speaker 94 They were shucked.

Speaker 98 Although he could shuck them himself with his bare hands.

Speaker 45 He probably did them with his teeth, He could open them with his teeth.

Speaker 102 Wow.

Speaker 26 Yeah.

Speaker 145 So that was him. And then the Dale one, lovely Dale Winton, no longer with us.

Speaker 145 There was a New Year's Eve some years ago. And we had Dale, who I got to know a little bit.
I ended up doing a few things with him.

Speaker 145 And David Walliams came, because they were big friends, came for New Year's Eve dinner at the house. And the wonderful housekeeper, they brought presents for the boys and everything.

Speaker 145 They're all charming and everything. And we had oysters and we prepared the oysters.
And Dale Dale went, oh, oh no, I've never had an oyster.

Speaker 129 He never had, we've all had oysters in this room.

Speaker 45 He'd never had an oyster.

Speaker 145 You sort of assume that once somebody is enjoying the fruits of their labors, that they're going to broaden there and they'll have been in a situation where, you know, as I say, I didn't until I was 35, 36, 37.

Speaker 95 Anyway, never. And so I gave Dale his first oyster

Speaker 9 and he liked it.

Speaker 1 I suppose he spent a lot of time in that supermarket. I'm not sure they had oysters in there, did they?

Speaker 54 I've never made that connection.

Speaker 45 That's funny. I've never made that connection.

Speaker 117 Yeah, supermarkets.

Speaker 145 So there we are. Those are my three.
And in many ways, they're in descending order of entertainment, aren't they, as we've discovered?

Speaker 98 Let's get on to your dream side dish.

Speaker 29 You've got all this lovely seafood barbecue seafood platter. What are you having on the side?

Speaker 68 Big tub of homemade mayonnaise.

Speaker 41 Which I've already mentioned.

Speaker 41 That's a side.

Speaker 47 The side of the big tub of mayonnaise.

Speaker 54 Don't need anything else.

Speaker 23 Absolutely fair enough.

Speaker 1 Tub of mayonnaise.

Speaker 92 Big tub of mayonnaise are stinking in the sun.

Speaker 68 I just thought there's something so luxurious and then just quite sort of carnal as well of like getting a big bit of lobster and taking a whole lobster out of the shell and then dunking it into that big bowl of lemon mayonnaise, just dunking it in, mould and salt sprinkled on top of it and then stuffed it.

Speaker 111 I've got a bag of it in my pocket which I keep with me at all times.

Speaker 23 Molden salt.

Speaker 117 Oh fuck the mayonnaise. What is the lemon mayonnaise I think you had a bag of?

Speaker 54 No, because

Speaker 124 just for the listener, that is a uh that bag, what's that made of, the bag?

Speaker 27 What material?

Speaker 124 Oh it's a calico bag with a union jacket.

Speaker 117 It has a union jack on it that's full of salt that you always carry around in your pocket.

Speaker 68 Everywhere because any restaurant, anybody's house that I've ever been into, they say, oh no, no, it's all sorted in advance. You go, no, believe me, it never has enough for me.

Speaker 118 When you were checked at Barber's Treisand, was the bag of salt in your pocket?

Speaker 64 It was, yeah. That's great.

Speaker 41 It was, because we'd just been at the governor's ball dinner.

Speaker 68 And so, yes, it was there.

Speaker 33 Wonderful.

Speaker 26 It was there all night long. Yeah.

Speaker 33 Oh, man. I love that.

Speaker 1 There's some place if you walk in and say you've got a bag of salt in your pocket, they're going to really misinterpret what you mean by that, Richard.

Speaker 96 Let's just show a bit circle.

Speaker 41 Yeah, well, I've been through the airport, you know, hand luggage, and you have to explain what these white crystals are in there.

Speaker 68 But I should have shares in Molden Salt, honestly.

Speaker 63 Molden's gold standard stuff.

Speaker 9 Gold standard.

Speaker 1 We've both really got into Hallen Mon as well, which is a fantastic Welsh salt.

Speaker 54 Oh, I don't know about that.

Speaker 115 I'm not going to that, Richard.

Speaker 111 Yeah, it's very, very good.

Speaker 171 I don't know how dedicated you are to the Molden brand, but how do you do that?

Speaker 54 Oh, completely.

Speaker 90 Yeah.

Speaker 9 I should have shares in it, the amount of money I've spent on it.

Speaker 148 What's the one? Welsh one is called what?

Speaker 64 Hallen Mon.

Speaker 111 Helen Mon. Can you say that with a Welsh accent?

Speaker 86 No. No, I need a coach.

Speaker 172 Okay.

Speaker 69 Let me get on the floor, boy.

Speaker 54 Let me get on the floor and I can do it for you.

Speaker 1 We love to hear from the National Treasures, James, but the other people we like to hear from are the crazy characters that we introduce people to.

Speaker 27 Here are some crazy characters. We've got Grandma Crunch, the Robin Hood crew, and everyone's favourite waitress.

Speaker 98 You want that jumbo? Here's Flob and Joan, Tamman Edgerton, and Claudia Jesse.

Speaker 68 I'm not really a cereal boy.

Speaker 132 I find, because I'm type one diabetic, they can be too sugary sometimes.

Speaker 129 But you don't know this about me.

Speaker 167 I found a new type of cereal that's for health people.

Speaker 129 I don't know this. Which is like a protein cereal, but very low in sugar.
And it's called Grandma Crunch.

Speaker 174 I think that's the bleakest thing I've ever heard.

Speaker 45 How long have you resisted telling me that because you wanted to save it for the podcast?

Speaker 1 I've been been eating it for a couple of months now, and every time I eat it, I think I can't wait to tell James about Grandma Crunch.

Speaker 41 I imagine

Speaker 78 the front of that box is

Speaker 174 it looks like Tony the Tiger, but it's a grandma.

Speaker 62 She's absolutely hateful.

Speaker 41 Cartoon Grandma.

Speaker 33 If there's a grandma on the front of the cartoon grandma, yeah, Grandma Crunch.

Speaker 70 Grandmas are famously hurtling towards death.

Speaker 74 Why would you want to grab your cereal as something that you will die soon?

Speaker 52 Grandma Crunch?

Speaker 45 No grandma wants to hear a crunch.

Speaker 82 No.

Speaker 62 Maybe that's the tagline of no grandma wants to hear a crunch.

Speaker 176 Yeah.

Speaker 78 Except for in her cereals.

Speaker 129 The only crunch a grandma needs to hear.

Speaker 91 What kind of a cereal is grandma crunch?

Speaker 1 Well, there's a range of flavours.

Speaker 105 I've only tried the peanut butter brownie one, but I mean,

Speaker 76 it tastes of nothing.

Speaker 76 It doesn't really taste of peanut butter.

Speaker 111 Or brownies.

Speaker 1 Yeah, and they sort of, because they're like, it's like six grams of sugar per bowl or something.

Speaker 129 So you bite in and it's like weird.

Speaker 54 Oh, it's quite meaty.

Speaker 57 No, they're balls.

Speaker 55 Oh, little balls.

Speaker 174 I was not expecting that.

Speaker 34 Well, you're expecting the flakes.

Speaker 41 Yeah. Yeah.

Speaker 174 Because I associate flakes with old people.

Speaker 100 So, like, of course, yeah.

Speaker 23 Yeah.

Speaker 23 Balls feels like quite

Speaker 107 a young cereal.

Speaker 54 Yeah, I feel like

Speaker 74 golden nuggets and stuff like that.

Speaker 59 Well, look, Grandma Crunch is a jazzy lady, you know?

Speaker 155 She's young at heart.

Speaker 90 Yeah, exactly.

Speaker 29 She's got glasses, Grandma Crunch, or she's the last one.

Speaker 36 I think from memory, yeah, I think she's got glasses.

Speaker 132 I've not spent a huge amount of time looking at Grandma Crunch.

Speaker 54 Well.

Speaker 174 I also imagine she's got like a little pirate hat and like a pirate sword, just because there's something about the word crunch that makes me think that they're like

Speaker 74 Captain Crunch.

Speaker 136 I guess maybe she's captain crunch's grandma grandma yeah yeah

Speaker 90 or captain crunch's wife but was you know wife when captain crunch was big and now she's grandma yeah well but i mean he would have called her grandma crunch

Speaker 143 i don't know that goes into she might be branding it herself he might not be involved so her main thing about herself is that she's she your main identifies as a grandma yeah at the time though when captain crunch was big she would identify as mrs crunch mrs crunch yeah mrs crunch's wife but now she's in her old age she's grandma crunch grandma crunch i'm sure and he'll be Grandpa Crunch.

Speaker 143 Captain Crunch is Grandpa Crunch.

Speaker 114 Yeah.

Speaker 1 I don't think if you're a captain, though, you never lose that title, right?

Speaker 45 So I think you probably keep that.

Speaker 42 You always keep that.

Speaker 105 You're always more than that.

Speaker 1 I think he's more likely to call himself Captain Grandpa.

Speaker 54 Captain Grandpa.

Speaker 62 I would eat cereal called Captain Grandpa.

Speaker 143 That would make me feel like I was ready for the day. Yeah.

Speaker 29 What kind of cereal would Captain Grandpa be?

Speaker 33 Just the dust.

Speaker 78 Hopefully, yeah, just us.

Speaker 54 If I had it my way.

Speaker 175 I always wonder, actually,

Speaker 129 when I listen to this show,

Speaker 42 who the other guests are.

Speaker 1 Well, this is up to you. Look, This is your dream meal.
If you want to be eating alone, fine. If you want other guests in there, fine.

Speaker 180 Well, I sort of always imagine that it's kind of like the background cast of the movie Disney's Robin Hood.

Speaker 179 You know, sort of animals dressed up in kind of, you know, medieval costumes, having larks.

Speaker 1 But the background cast, you don't want the main players.

Speaker 139 Absolutely not.

Speaker 55 I don't want anyone to pull focus.

Speaker 118 Background cast of the animated Robin Hood, who are animals dressed

Speaker 41 and they're all doing

Speaker 36 slightly the same thing over and over again, you know?

Speaker 99 The same sort of action on feed in the hope that you won't miss.

Speaker 1 You're such an actor that you have extras in the restaurant so no one pulls focus.

Speaker 1 No other stars in here, please.

Speaker 41 Yeah, yeah.

Speaker 54 No foxes.

Speaker 89 I know a few stars that you wouldn't invite to dinner.

Speaker 42 Really? Yeah, yeah.

Speaker 29 Helena Boncarter.

Speaker 33 Daniel Radcliffe.

Speaker 124 Gary Newman. Yeah.
Gary Newman.

Speaker 181 Gary Newman was not in any of the Harry Potter franchise films.

Speaker 39 But they would all ruin it for you, wouldn't they?

Speaker 27 They'd turn up and tell you what happens at the end of Order of the Phoenix.

Speaker 41 I suppose so.

Speaker 90 Yeah, yeah, so you can't risk it.

Speaker 117 You can't risk that.

Speaker 1 What specific animal? Do you need any specific background animals?

Speaker 54 It makes me think of...

Speaker 179 I think of a...

Speaker 60 perhaps like an alligator blowing a long trumpet yeah okay that conjure an image and that's not going to pull focus yeah that's gonna come on

Speaker 45 drown out the conjunction of the popadums at least no because i've

Speaker 69 are you pre-arranging with the alligator?

Speaker 41 I was going to get him to mine.

Speaker 148 I was going to get him to mine.

Speaker 179 But actually, what I might do is get him to toot every time I crunch a poppa dump.

Speaker 86 That's a great idea, yeah. That's a really good idea.

Speaker 1 That would work in so many situations.

Speaker 41 What if you had an alligator following your animal? Yeah, with a toot.

Speaker 146 Whenever you farted, mate.

Speaker 1 Whenever you farted or like in some Japanese toilets, you can play music that's supposed to cover up the sound of you going to the toilet if you're like any line of cubicles. Wow.

Speaker 1 So instead, you could take the alligator to...

Speaker 179 Well, what would you you do? Would you give him a signal? Would you give him a wink?

Speaker 114 I think he'd

Speaker 41 know.

Speaker 89 He's got to be watching. He's got to have his eye on that.

Speaker 105 I think he's in the case of the.

Speaker 20 Well that's what he's being paid for.

Speaker 45 Are you paying him or is he you must be paying him?

Speaker 117 Not initially. Right.
And we'll see how he does.

Speaker 113 So he has a sort of phase where he's...

Speaker 52 What's his motivation for doing it in the first place?

Speaker 175 Not initially.

Speaker 128 How's he earning a living?

Speaker 23 It's not a good job he's not getting bloody paid, is it?

Speaker 81 He does a good job, but not paying him.

Speaker 42 But my worth, I'm going to get paid for this.

Speaker 26 Yeah.

Speaker 179 Alligators are living creatures too as well, you know.

Speaker 22 Yeah, all right, fine.

Speaker 55 Yeah.

Speaker 1 All right, I'll give him a quid or something.

Speaker 23 A quid for every trump.

Speaker 26 Yeah, exactly.

Speaker 1 Well, that's a lot of money, actually.

Speaker 54 Yeah.

Speaker 42 If you've ever been around Ed.

Speaker 54 Most of the editing Benny has to do is getting rid of Ed's fatalness.

Speaker 181 Every time it cuts to the little music in between the sections.

Speaker 86 That's a fart. Yeah.

Speaker 1 There's no editing there.

Speaker 8 That's just, we're still sat here and I've just done a really long fart.

Speaker 89 Also, Ed's farts are extra loud because every time he does them, he goes, oh!

Speaker 23 Like that as well.

Speaker 159 He goes, oh!

Speaker 38 Yeah, because they're second by surprise.

Speaker 30 I'm always scared by them.

Speaker 26 Yeah, and he gets really surprised by them, don't you?

Speaker 20 Surprised and slightly excited by

Speaker 44 sensation.

Speaker 117 Every time it's a new sensation, yeah.

Speaker 1 So the allegator, actually, I'd have to pay the alligator quite a lot of money, I think.

Speaker 26 Yeah, yeah. This would be a lot of work.

Speaker 63 Yeah.

Speaker 117 If I had a quid every time, I'd gamble fasted.

Speaker 102 Yeah. Yeah.

Speaker 35 I'd be an alligator with a drum.

Speaker 36 There's also a place called Veggie Corner in Coventry.

Speaker 33 It's number four.

Speaker 54 Oh, gosh, in Coventry.

Speaker 92 So the fourth one on the list is a veggie place.

Speaker 184 I'm in Coventry on Saturday watching QPR play Coventry.

Speaker 29 Well, you might want to go to Veggie Corner and get the best veggie battered sausage that you could get.

Speaker 118 And it's number four on a list of over 4,000, nearly five.

Speaker 1 Oh, my goodness.

Speaker 136 Benito, have you looked it up? Veggie Corner? Does it look legit?

Speaker 29 Not only do Veggie Corner do a battered sausage, they also do a vegan jumbo battered sausage as well.

Speaker 68 Well, that's gonna be the fucking one, isn't it?

Speaker 29 it that's going to be the bloody one do you know what the word jumbo isn't used enough we don't hear it used very much jumbo jet jumbo sausage are the only two i can really think of yeah

Speaker 88 what else do you think you could you could you use it for like client like jumbo jumper yeah i would love to wear a jumbo jumper i'd love to have a jumbo bed instead of a king size bed jumbo bed that's good yeah i think all of that would be great like i guess jump do they have like jumbatron oh yeah go to the bottom so like the big screen the big screens at sports games, it's called the jumbatron.

Speaker 184 I feel like it would be something like a chain restaurant would do as well. You know, it was very big to supersize in America on McDonald's.
Maybe there'd be like another burger joint.

Speaker 132 They'd be like, You want their jumbo?

Speaker 166 Do you want their jumbo?

Speaker 22 Do you want their jumbo?

Speaker 9 There we go.

Speaker 36 You want their jumbo?

Speaker 59 You've got that purple.

Speaker 23 Slightly nervous waitress absolutely sewn up.

Speaker 55 Anything that's not.

Speaker 74 Do you want that jumbo?

Speaker 80 You want that jumbo?

Speaker 187 I just terrified

Speaker 113 in the table of mobsters and we're having a meal.

Speaker 74 I like that humbling.

Speaker 90 I like the gamba gall, please.

Speaker 55 You want that jumbo?

Speaker 88 That's amazing. She's great.

Speaker 99 She is great.

Speaker 54 It can't be noticed if the mobsters were there.

Speaker 1 If they're known for just slipping out and killing anyone for whatever reason.

Speaker 62 Absolutely.

Speaker 94 They might be offended by do you want that jumbo?

Speaker 88 And she's worked there for years.

Speaker 54 It could be her first day.

Speaker 60 It's going to be her first day.

Speaker 1 She's being told that's the mob table.

Speaker 82 Don't offend them.

Speaker 88 You go over there, Sally. Yeah.

Speaker 150 You want their jumbos.

Speaker 163 that's got me mumbo jumbo mumbo jumbo mumbo jumbo yeah i mean you know often used i i think by the wrong people in a in a in a rather you know dismissive fashion i think they've taken the word jumbo and they've completely you know maybe that's why people don't use jumbo that much because they've ruined it well what does that mean does that suggest that if you're talking nonsense you're talking mumbo but if you're talking loads of nonsense you're talking mumbo jumbo

Speaker 33 yeah

Speaker 114 Jumbo.

Speaker 134 You want that jump?

Speaker 54 He's quiet.

Speaker 41 Quieter and quieter every time he's a great jump.

Speaker 112 I really like

Speaker 26 the nervous waitress who has to ask some mobsters if they wanted a jumbo.

Speaker 156 It's a great character.

Speaker 1 Whoa, those characters were crazy.

Speaker 73 Crazy, but not controversial.

Speaker 1 No, because we like to think of ourselves as a gentle, amusing food chat podcast, James.

Speaker 71 But we're edgy as hell yeah hey we can't help it every now and again the tabs the lloyds will get on us and try and make stories out of our little innocent interviews about food it's crazy look we're edgy guys but we're not as edgy as jamali maddox he had some hot takes when he came on the podcast about food and drink let's hear them

Speaker 191 Like I just I genuinely hate I think it's the worst drink possible that and red wine the two worst drinks

Speaker 1 unfortunately we part ways here Jamal.

Speaker 20 Oh, we parted ways

Speaker 54 a long time ago.

Speaker 58 That wasn't the breaking of our friendship, Edge.

Speaker 191 No, but I, uh, yeah, yeah, red wine as well missed that. I find every I've had red wine that is mad expensive

Speaker 192 and Bigfoot cheap, and they all taste the same.

Speaker 100 It all tastes like butter.

Speaker 54 Butter and vinegar.

Speaker 54 It all tastes like butter and vinegar.

Speaker 23 It is foul.

Speaker 33 Yeah, butter and vinegar. No, no, butter, butter.

Speaker 41 Yeah, sorry.

Speaker 9 Butter and vinegar.

Speaker 191 Oh, yeah, I can't tell why you thought I wasn't saying butter there.

Speaker 104 But yeah, but it's all trash. Yeah.

Speaker 192 I hate all red wine, bro.

Speaker 54 Oh, that's breaking my head.

Speaker 64 You like red wine?

Speaker 68 I love red wine.

Speaker 52 I like good red.

Speaker 52 Good red wine. I've not changed.

Speaker 52 Are you kidding me?

Speaker 55 To be fair, it was to be fair.

Speaker 23 I've seen you drinking Merlot for a long time still.

Speaker 148 Yeah, but I just thought I don't like red wine either.

Speaker 191 So I put that up there with my two worsts. And I tried the whole red wine with the cheese and the red wine with the meat and all trash.

Speaker 1 How do you feel about this?

Speaker 1 I love a sparkling red wine wow do you know what i i don't i i don't hate that more i don't know why but i don't know why that doesn't i don't hate you hate that as much as sparkling water and red wine actually i think it's weird that you put water in your wine no no no no but as in a sparkling as is sparkling oh sparkling red wine oh that's fine i mean at the at that point i don't care what you do with your nasty

Speaker 148 i'm saying red wine's dead i don't care what you do with the car yeah i had i went abroad recently where the local drink was half red wine half coca-cola yeah where'd you you go to the madhouse yeah yeah yeah was you mental that's like calimacho calemacho where is this uh it was in the bass country bilbao i had it in oh okay okay and it was delicious i got really i got really into them yeah

Speaker 68 it's just you're not convincing me man i just think about red wine it's just that

Speaker 191 and the taste never leaves your mouth yeah yeah because i can drink white wine yeah if you asked me think of the taste of white wine i couldn't think of it but red wine is so implanted in my mind

Speaker 1 it's so because i sort of feel like that about some white wine i've changed my mind about it recently but i think because the first white wine I had was so disgusting and so vinegary and so like sharp that that's what stuck with me even when I've had like more approachable white wines.

Speaker 116 Drink like rose, yeah.

Speaker 9 I could drink a rose.

Speaker 129 Whispering Angel. Yeah, yeah, yeah.
I could bring an angel angel angel. Love whispering angel.

Speaker 191 My favourite drinks are baby sham.

Speaker 55 Is it?

Speaker 9 Yeah.

Speaker 103 You are consistently the most contrary person I've ever met, Jamali.

Speaker 9 I drink a baby sham.

Speaker 129 You will wait for someone to think, I've got the hang of Jamali. I'll drink baby shameless.

Speaker 144 Love a baby sham.

Speaker 58 Love a baby sham.

Speaker 52 I only drink baby shams.

Speaker 58 I go to like one of them really old school tough pubs and they go, we drink it.

Speaker 111 Baby sham. Baby sham.

Speaker 54 Yeah.

Speaker 23 Classy battle. Oh, fuck.
Classy.

Speaker 27 That's a very odd brand of Marley people to do.

Speaker 89 Everyone's as tough as possible.

Speaker 27 I'm going to order that.

Speaker 69 Yeah, I want a baby sham.

Speaker 41 Battle some cages.

Speaker 19 Yeah.

Speaker 194 But that baby sham.

Speaker 1 That's the one the pile of hate, thy noble.

Speaker 41 Yeah, yeah, baby made me.

Speaker 69 Yeah, because

Speaker 192 this owl is not nice.

Speaker 191 El is, well, I can piss off. But

Speaker 104 L, L is gash, isn't it?

Speaker 20 Come on

Speaker 20 Guinness is overrated

Speaker 27 absolutely extreme Ed loves Guinness so much

Speaker 154 I did a show in Dublin and I remember I came

Speaker 58 yeah yeah but I came on stage with like a Guinness and I went hey and I went

Speaker 66 not for me just put it down the rest of the gig and I was like what is this bro it just tastes like metal

Speaker 77 from dead drink fan lovely nah you're mad.

Speaker 33 So you go for still water then? Oh, sorry. Yeah, still water.

Speaker 126 Sorry.

Speaker 9 I'm so sorry. Yeah, still water.

Speaker 100 Like, because really, there's only a couple variations of the same thing.

Speaker 170 Like, noodles is pasta.

Speaker 144 Do you know what I'm saying? No?

Speaker 144 Like, it's the same thing.

Speaker 170 So it's like, for me, there's only so many variations of the same thing.

Speaker 1 Yeah, you think all red wine tastes the same.

Speaker 192 That's facts.

Speaker 52 So noodles is pasta.

Speaker 47 So if you...

Speaker 52 Noodles is pasta. Couscous is rice.
Why are we fucking around?

Speaker 41 If you went for a ramen and they brought it and it was full of fusili, you'd be all right with that, would you?

Speaker 55 Yeah, same thing.

Speaker 155 Okay. So you'd be okay.

Speaker 41 But do you know what?

Speaker 41 Even though once you made people bring up some sauces you weren't going to eat, you'd be fine with someone bringing the long pasta.

Speaker 23 Do you know what?

Speaker 33 At first, I'll be mad, and then I'd have respect for him because you know what?

Speaker 20 He's doing it his way.

Speaker 52 He's a renegade, and I respect that.

Speaker 58 I'll go.

Speaker 58 And he goes, yeah, this is what he does.

Speaker 52 He's a pasta. And I go, all right.

Speaker 193 I vibe with it.

Speaker 41 Agree with that guy.

Speaker 20 But he can't.

Speaker 104 Noodles are a pasta, though, no?

Speaker 1 Well, they're a version of the same sort of basic carb, right? But they they do taste different.

Speaker 100 I think they taste different based on the source. Like, if I gave you noodles,

Speaker 192 and I banged some carbonara sauce on that, I think you wouldn't know.

Speaker 54 You wouldn't know? No.

Speaker 1 Okay, I've had a very similar dish to that, and you do know. Oh, you do.
At a restaurant called Nishi in New York, which is David Chang restaurant.

Speaker 1 I think it was like udon, but with like a sort of carbonara-y sauce. Oh, no, it was cachio pepe, I think.

Speaker 139 Okay, yeah, yeah.

Speaker 1 Like udon. It was fantastic.

Speaker 9 It was nice.

Speaker 68 You can tell.

Speaker 141 You can tell. You can tell.

Speaker 20 The egg, you think?

Speaker 100 They use more egg because it's like egg noodles.

Speaker 1 like they were rice noodles So I guess it's a lack of egg noodles So it's not like a pasta with all the eggs.

Speaker 52 Yeah yeah yeah it was very it was very good

Speaker 191 Yeah, but even like so the point I was making is bread is in my diet enough I'll still grab a naan I'm assuming you meant naan bread when you said bread no any bread.

Speaker 148 Oh any bread.

Speaker 33 Oh any bread for the start of your meal.

Speaker 117 Okay, because poppadoms is only like I guess I'll yeah, I only eat poppadoms at Indian place.

Speaker 89 I mean also I guess this is just like anything that you would have at this point in the meal that they bring out before you got your main meal.

Speaker 30 So I'd also allow prawn crackers

Speaker 148 stuff like that oh yeah i like a prawn cracker too yeah oh do you know i really hate when you go to a restaurant and they bring you out bread lovely piece of bread and then the butter's hard yeah yeah piss off with that yeah yeah you can you can off with that i hate that you've got to give me some nice butter but if it's not like good freshly baked bread now you can't just give me a slice of hovest mate yeah do you know what i mean that you just put a circle in yeah i'm kicking off little back do you know what my favourite bread is when i go harvester oh i'll eat so much bread at harvester i will yeah Yeah, I love that.

Speaker 146 Is that freshly baked bread?

Speaker 59 Yeah.

Speaker 58 In the morning, mate. You don't think they ain't got bakers waking up cracker door and just to feed your belly and you're just sitting out here disrespecting them.

Speaker 47 So you go into harvester in the morning.

Speaker 102 Oh, yeah.

Speaker 58 But before I eat breakfast, that's why I go.

Speaker 77 I go harvester

Speaker 77 and I grab bread.

Speaker 33 I like harvester. Harvester's harvester is that thing of that quintessential British thing of eat is shit,

Speaker 58 but it's nostalgic.

Speaker 100 Yeah. Do you know what I mean?

Speaker 77 It fills you up and it's cheap.

Speaker 58 Early bird special, bro.

Speaker 33 I was raised on that.

Speaker 27 From probably door to door, less than two minutes from a harvester.

Speaker 39 And I've lived there for three or so years now.

Speaker 27 And I've never been in the harvester.

Speaker 117 Really?

Speaker 27 Because when I first moved there, all my stuff was in boxing. And I thought, if I start going to the harvester for my food, I'm just going to go to the harvester all the time.

Speaker 30 So I made sure I did it.

Speaker 94 It's a slippery slope.

Speaker 37 I'm currently in the process of trying to move.

Speaker 30 And my plan is the final day, I'm going to go to the harvester for my farewell meal.

Speaker 170 Go early bird special and go on the weekend.

Speaker 100 Yeah.

Speaker 58 bro, you ain't seen white people like you see harvester on that early bird special in the weekend, bro.

Speaker 58 That's different white people, because I'm telling you, bro, they bang out early bird special, bro.

Speaker 36 And you see, like, old people from the home and that, they come out and they get that, bro.

Speaker 58 They stack up on that salad.

Speaker 20 Yeah, get them croutons and that.

Speaker 60 From the salad, bro.

Speaker 77 But they wear their best.

Speaker 58 They wear their Sunday best. Yeah.
You see it, bro. Wearing their Sunday best and that.
They iron that blue ink t-shirt.

Speaker 52 Them Kappa Track suits looking fire, bro.

Speaker 92 Thanks, Jamali, for those hot potatoes whoa now we could talk about lots of different food inventions that guests have come up with this year but really only one needs mentioning paul chowdhury

Speaker 197 be main course main course yeah

Speaker 111 you're talking like this is a new concept to you the main course This is a very difficult...

Speaker 197 There's so many to choose from here, you see. Yeah.
With all the cuisines I've experimented with around the globe.

Speaker 64 It depends what mood you're in as well.

Speaker 197 And if I'm having a cheat day

Speaker 64 with Greg and Russell Howard, it depends what I would go for.

Speaker 197 And one of my favorite dishes when I was in Italy, and it was cooked in its natural inhabitant, and as it was supposed to be cooked, which you don't really find in London, was caggia pepper,

Speaker 120 yeah.

Speaker 197 Which is cooked in a bat

Speaker 197 of cheese, which is actually cooked in a bat of cheese, like a massive cheese ball. And they open it up and they cook it in the cheese bat.

Speaker 50 The bat.

Speaker 76 Yeah.

Speaker 64 What do you mean by bat of cheese?

Speaker 1 Like a bat of cheese.

Speaker 117 We've not heard this phrase before.

Speaker 36 I might be wrong, but I would say like a wheel of cheese.

Speaker 41 It's like a batter cheese, isn't it?

Speaker 36 A bat of cheese.

Speaker 90 Yeah.

Speaker 197 What? Yeah, you haven't heard that expression before.

Speaker 9 No. B-A-T? Yeah.

Speaker 117 No.

Speaker 133 A bat of cheese. Yeah.

Speaker 26 Which means what?

Speaker 197 Which means like a big lump of cheese.

Speaker 41 a bat yeah but you guys do english literature or language yeah yeah

Speaker 33 you've never heard that phrase

Speaker 62 a bat of cheese no and i'm look i'm sure it i'm sure that's the phrase but i've just never heard it and you presented it because you said it's cooked in a bat and i was like what yeah it's like a a bat of cheese look i'm just going to google bat of cheese no i don't i don't want to google it i think we just leave it we'll let the producer let's have a look if this real

Speaker 1 did you mean bag of cheese is what's come up i mean bag of cheese

Speaker 124 You meant bag of cheese. No, bat of cheese.

Speaker 197 Let's keep it to just maybe just check that Google.

Speaker 64 Is it bat of cheese?

Speaker 197 Have you got internet reception?

Speaker 29 Yes, he's got internet reception. And he's Googled bat of cheese, and all that's come up is, did you mean bag of cheese?

Speaker 54 Well, this was in Rome.

Speaker 64 He's on Google in the UK.

Speaker 119 He's on UK, so if he was Italian Google, it would say, yes, that's what we cooked.

Speaker 41 Can you put that in a peck?

Speaker 52 Can you see bat of cheese?

Speaker 197 Can you write bat of cheese in Italian?

Speaker 27 Bat of cheese, Italy.

Speaker 64 Google that. No, no, write it in Italian, dude.

Speaker 109 We're gone, Google Translate.

Speaker 29 Bat of cheese into Google Translate.

Speaker 9 Should be like Wheel of Cheese, like a whole

Speaker 54 wheel of fortune.

Speaker 92 Pipostrello di Firmagio, is that what you just put?

Speaker 29 What's coming up? Let me have a look.

Speaker 167 What has come up when you put Pipistrello di Firmaggio into Google is from what I can make out, a little canopy, which is a rolled-up ball of cheese.

Speaker 149 which has been dyed black and they've stuck olives for eyes and big tortilla chips in it for ears so they look like bats.

Speaker 163 that's the main google thing if you google that bat of cheese in italian it comes up with a halloween uh novelty snack that you would serve up to guests when they arrive where they've made balls of cheese look like bats by putting tortilla chips in the ears

Speaker 139 that's the main course

Speaker 37 It says pipostrelli de Halloween.

Speaker 1 So do you want pipistrelli de Halloween for your main course?

Speaker 116 Well, I've said bat of cheese.

Speaker 1 Yeah, so that's what you're going to have.

Speaker 198 Pipistrelli de Halloween.

Speaker 27 That's your main course. Yeah.

Speaker 62 Yeah.

Speaker 29 The catch a pepe is gone now.

Speaker 166 Well, and the catcher pepe.

Speaker 44 Yeah. Yeah.

Speaker 42 But you wouldn't like pipistrelli de Halloween as well. Yeah.

Speaker 33 Perfect. Yeah.
There you go.

Speaker 26 Do you like bats as an animal?

Speaker 105 No. No.

Speaker 115 Quick as you've answered a question.

Speaker 76 I'm not a big fan of bats.

Speaker 114 Don't like them.

Speaker 129 But I do like a bat of cheese.

Speaker 26 Yeah. Yeah, you like a bat of cheese.

Speaker 63 Yeah, a pipistrelli.

Speaker 89 A pipistrelli de Halloween?

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Speaker 54 Thanks, Paul.

Speaker 82 You're mad.

Speaker 31 And I'm looking at what we have to talk about next, and I'm not liking it one bit.

Speaker 1 Yeah, James, this is going to be pretty controversial, man. This is about Bakoff.

Speaker 1 We have been trying to compile the Bakoff cinematic universe surrounding your appearance, and we really, really got stuck in this year.

Speaker 47 It was a hot topic.

Speaker 37 It was a hot topic, and we got some.

Speaker 95 Do you know what?

Speaker 119 We got some perspectives this year that changed how I viewed that day.

Speaker 149 There was some things that I didn't know took place,

Speaker 149 and

Speaker 118 also just ways that certain people felt about it that I wasn't aware of.

Speaker 31 Yeah, we got Paul Hollywood, Nadia Hussein, and Ryland Clark all talking about Bake Off.

Speaker 68 Welcome, Paul, to the Dream Restaurant.

Speaker 159 I like it.

Speaker 138 You ruined my fucking life!

Speaker 46 Now, James, that's not how you introduce the guest, is it?

Speaker 10 I'm scared. Can I leave?

Speaker 35 Sorry, I've evaporated

Speaker 27 out of the lamp

Speaker 117 in a bit of a mood. Sorry, Paul.

Speaker 1 You've got an angry genie today.

Speaker 112 Sorry, Paul.

Speaker 155 Ruined my life.

Speaker 52 James, give Paul a proper introduction.

Speaker 38 Welcome to the Dream Restaurant. I've been speaking for some time.

Speaker 154 I can't remember you being in the bake-off tent, James.

Speaker 19 What?

Speaker 101 It's all I hear. Noon till night.

Speaker 55 Noon till night.

Speaker 154 Did you get a handshake?

Speaker 20 Did you get a handshake?

Speaker 9 No. No.

Speaker 53 Not even off-camera. You're very...

Speaker 35 This is what the listeners don't know, is that off-camera, you're very stingy with that, because you're like, you know that your handshake means something. So you're like, no, no, no, no, no.

Speaker 131 So you don't get it.

Speaker 9 Not with us.

Speaker 52 Not with our book that was on.

Speaker 41 What?

Speaker 8 It was handshakes all day.

Speaker 157 Handshakes all day.

Speaker 10 I think everybody got it.

Speaker 159 I was too cocky, maybe.

Speaker 53 I don't know what it was.

Speaker 35 I didn't get no handshake.

Speaker 198 It was...

Speaker 198 I'll tell you what. I didn't get a a handshake for my bakes

Speaker 20 do you remember what you did on your sick what you sick that you make what did you do what are we talking about

Speaker 1 he's playing double me james you're gonna have to have a normal conversation at some point during this episode

Speaker 1 i can't remember what i did it's just like someone murdered my family and it's just like oh what i've murdered so many people i can't remember but think how many episodes of bake off that paul has done since your episode i did flapjack i did i did a bake well flapjack and it didn't go well uh and and you may have warned me.

Speaker 41 How did you screw up that?

Speaker 10 Well, you may not remember that it was a flapjack because it certainly didn't look like a flapjack.

Speaker 41 This is the most insulting thing.

Speaker 84 I love it. This couldn't have gone any better for me.

Speaker 198 You came along and you told me the mix that my mix looked too wet.

Speaker 199 And I was all like, haha, that's because it's not baked yet, Paul, you silly Billy.

Speaker 27 And then it came out and I couldn't get it to.

Speaker 37 It was just a mush.

Speaker 19 It was like porridge.

Speaker 35 And you tasted it, and to be fair, you told me that the flavour was nice.

Speaker 154 Well, bakewell flavour, you you can't go wrong.

Speaker 139 Yeah.

Speaker 201 But obviously, you know, it was a soup, so it was hard for you to say good flapjack.

Speaker 163 And then we had to do cream horns for the technical.

Speaker 154 That's right.

Speaker 202 Yeah. No.
That's right.

Speaker 35 Do you think that that is unfair?

Speaker 20 No.

Speaker 71 It's dead easy. People did.
No, that's not dead easy.

Speaker 54 It was a rough buff.

Speaker 54 What's harder?

Speaker 10 Cream horns or raspberry donuts.

Speaker 83 Oh, the donuts by mine.

Speaker 172 I thought so.

Speaker 172 Yeah.

Speaker 154 You're dealing with yeast.

Speaker 10 You're dealing with something that wants to live and grow and run out of the tent.

Speaker 198 I haven't watched those episodes because I've still got PTSD.

Speaker 186 So I'm not watching any of it.

Speaker 41 Cream horns, man, that is hard.

Speaker 37 That is like, they do them in patisseries.

Speaker 202 And donuts?

Speaker 27 No.

Speaker 183 They don't do doughnuts in patisseries.

Speaker 185 You had to go to...

Speaker 201 It's a part of a pastry school in France so that they do a cream horn.

Speaker 1 We probably both hoped, James, that we had some sort of great book to help us out when we were doing bake-off.

Speaker 201 Yes, I wish I personally could have bought the book Bake by Paul Hollywood, but it wasn't out back then.

Speaker 1 And the only baking book you'll ever need, that's the title.

Speaker 19 I like to think that.

Speaker 154 The main reason being is actually the book was written during lockdown, mainly last year. And

Speaker 154 Noel was going off to his room to write his script. Matt was doing the same.
Prue was writing her porn or whatever she was doing.

Speaker 20 And I think ultimately I thought I need to write a book, more of an updated book, actually, because the classic recipes I've chosen are...

Speaker 154 for me, classics, and they've been in the bake-off for years. But it was with the twist of more chocolate, more this.
There's more ingredients around now than there was

Speaker 154 years ago when I was writing my first book. So it was time to update them and get them tweaked and get them spot on.

Speaker 154 It's for me, it's the it covers all the bases, Danish croissant breads, the lot, you know.

Speaker 57 Greenhorns, no, no, no, greenhorns.

Speaker 41 No cultural.

Speaker 156 You can't expect a novice to do that.

Speaker 186 That's too easy.

Speaker 151 Why are we skipping the hard stuff?

Speaker 10 That's in his kids' baking book.

Speaker 121 I can teach my kids.

Speaker 160 I've got laughing at that.

Speaker 27 Are the recipes written as you would write the technicals?

Speaker 35 Not leaving for that.

Speaker 10 No, no, no, no, no.

Speaker 19 It's all there.

Speaker 20 All the methods there.

Speaker 52 And for me,

Speaker 154 it was fun because I tested it on a few friends as well. So I sent out some of the recipes to friends and say, crack on with this, see how you get on.
And they all came back with good results.

Speaker 154 So I gave them a little judging to see what they were like.

Speaker 154 And I should have sent you a few, shouldn't I?

Speaker 36 Yeah, you should have.

Speaker 38 That could have been, I mean, what a promo for this book that would have been.

Speaker 19 Yeah. Make these guys.

Speaker 38 people thought, if Acas couldn't cook these, clearly I can as well.

Speaker 1 Yeah, but it was never going to happen, was it?

Speaker 201 No, no, Paul's never going to risk that.

Speaker 27 And if I get the book, I'll send it to the worst person ever in the tent.

Speaker 121 Well, they can't even remember me, apparently.

Speaker 154 No, I do remember you in the tent. Just can't remember you, but I'm just a blank them out.

Speaker 149 Do you know what I tried to do in the tent at one point, and they cut out the edit?

Speaker 201 It was annoying.

Speaker 118 I tried to trap you under a box.

Speaker 45 Yeah.

Speaker 157 And Rylan and I.

Speaker 185 Because you were stealing my dolly mixtures. Jesus had some dolly mixture.

Speaker 35 Oh, yeah, they were nice then. You love them.

Speaker 163 I do.

Speaker 33 You would take a dolly mixture and you would look at me with your rock pull eyes

Speaker 185 and you would pop a dolly mixture in your mouth and you're like, what are you going to do?

Speaker 130 You'd look at me like, what are you going to do about that?

Speaker 151 Nothing, I guess.

Speaker 27 But then me and Rylan got a little dish of dolly mixtures, put them on the floor under a box that we had propped up with a stick.

Speaker 117 And then tied a little string to the stick and I hid behind a bin and Rylan was shouting you, going, Paul, Hollywood.

Speaker 29 And then eventually you came round and you looked at the dolly mixtures under the box and you looked at me and went, not falling for that.

Speaker 92 And you walked away.

Speaker 41 I'm not falling for that. Do you know what that says to me, Paul?

Speaker 1 Well, it says that some people weren't concentrating on their baking.

Speaker 154 It's saying they're not spending enough time reading the recipes.

Speaker 185 Yeah,

Speaker 37 this was during the showstopper at the end.

Speaker 69 Right. That's fine.

Speaker 183 And you had time on the showstopper to listen to it.

Speaker 33 I'd already shanked it.

Speaker 19 Like,

Speaker 164 there was nothing to play for.

Speaker 33 I iced an egg in that one. Yeah.

Speaker 35 I put some icing on an egg and then said it was proof.

Speaker 203 So, you know.

Speaker 19 She's more than an egg.

Speaker 90 She is more than an egg.

Speaker 1 Do you think your husband will be doing a collaboration on some grinders perhaps in the future?

Speaker 54 Oh, yeah.

Speaker 74 Who knows?

Speaker 65 I mean, when this gets out, when this gets out, it could happen, couldn't it? Very unlikely he'll do anything kitchen related.

Speaker 65 The last time he cooked, he forgot about the boiled eggs and then couldn't find them and found that they were lodged in the ceiling.

Speaker 102 What?

Speaker 65 Yeah, so where he'd boiled the eggs, the water had evaporated and obviously they were just bouncing around in a dry pan and they had nowhere to go.

Speaker 65 And then he'd forgotten that he's put these eggs on boil and here's this loud crash and all four eggs are in the ceiling and

Speaker 65 like literally attached to the ceiling um and i come in from work and i'm like what he's up there with the with the kind of like wallpaper scraper thing yeah and and trying to take bits off i said what what have you what have you done he's like nothing and i kid you not he'd got the paint out and everything ready to disguise the fact that we had eggs on it i was like oh my god is that egg shell he's like yeah so just don't cook just don't go in the kitchen Like, don't.

Speaker 85 Yeah, I would say sometimes when people say, like, you know, oh, they're a bad cook, so I forbid them from cooking.

Speaker 4 I always feel it's a bit harsh.

Speaker 7 But if he overboiled the eggs to the point where they bounced up into the ceiling, I think it's fine to say he can't cook anymore. Congrats on the range sounds great.

Speaker 75 And is it good to know, like, there's been a lot of winners of Bake Off over the years, but you're essentially the champion of champions and you've done the best out of all of them.

Speaker 7 Do you remind yourself of that sometimes? That they're all a bunch of everyone else who won it is actually a loser because you have done much better than them.

Speaker 54 And now you have your own range years after being on bake-off and they've done nothing.

Speaker 65 Well, I mean, if you'd asked me that and I was like seven, I might say, yay, you know, like I might agree with you, but like being a grown-up, I perhaps can't say that.

Speaker 65 But I mean, if you want to say it, you can say it.

Speaker 55 You feel it, yeah, yeah.

Speaker 7 You feel it in your heart.

Speaker 65 Maybe now that you've said it, now you've like planted the seed.

Speaker 1 Yeah, you said it, James. Nadi's not agreeing.
She's just, she can bask in it, but she's not agreeing.

Speaker 81 Yeah, yeah.

Speaker 65 I'm not agreeing, but I am basking in the glory of it.

Speaker 61 I'm happy happy that you feel my joy. Yeah.

Speaker 65 And that's enough for me.

Speaker 74 Yes.

Speaker 74 That was my grown-up answer. Perfect, very diplomatic.

Speaker 114 No. Oh, fucking hard.

Speaker 90 Yeah.

Speaker 54 Yeah.

Speaker 111 My joy, I shouldn't talk to you about bacon.

Speaker 57 I'm glad it's come up.

Speaker 63 George, what?

Speaker 45 We've lasted a while.

Speaker 113 We've got this far, at least.

Speaker 89 I honestly just wanted to hold you that whole time

Speaker 105 you were on Celebrity Bake Arch.

Speaker 92 It's no secret I've said on stage.

Speaker 69 I've said I've heard you're spreading word about it.

Speaker 124 You're the one who carried me through it.

Speaker 132 I literally just wanted to,

Speaker 180 at one point, I was like, I'm sure I even said to you, do you want to come home with me tonight? And just

Speaker 180 make a bit dinner.

Speaker 133 Just go bit.

Speaker 139 Yeah.

Speaker 41 He needed it. He really had to

Speaker 27 giving any fuck whatsoever. Yeah, it was, it was, yeah.

Speaker 99 But you were brilliant.

Speaker 118 We had a laugh on the last day. That was the thing.

Speaker 30 We had a laugh the last day.

Speaker 119 See, we had a laugh every day, but you had a laugh.

Speaker 59 everyone else had such a laugh

Speaker 194 every day

Speaker 52 such a fun show to film

Speaker 109 um but yeah no that's how we met yeah that's how we met on that show um i've often wondered this because obviously michelle keegan won she well um yes where where do you think uh because they don't say where else everyone else comes um do you well i've got a gripe about it yeah and For anyone that can't see me, which is everyone, my hands are now in the air.

Speaker 180 Yeah.

Speaker 105 And that's when you know I've got a gripe.

Speaker 33 You've got something about it.

Speaker 100 It's gripey. gripey.

Speaker 27 Gripey McGrip.

Speaker 205 Do you remember we had to make the cream horns?

Speaker 99 Yeah.

Speaker 33 Yeah, I do remember the cream horns. Yeah, yeah.
Right.

Speaker 31 We had like an hour and a half or something to make some cream horns.

Speaker 180 That was a technical, right?

Speaker 41 Yeah. That's the blind technical as well.

Speaker 117 If hell is personal, that's what's happening when I'm in hell.

Speaker 69 Yeah.

Speaker 4 I'm arriving there and there's some vague instructions on the table on how to make cream horns.

Speaker 105 I've got to do them.

Speaker 1 With all that looks like medical anal devices to wrap this pastry round.

Speaker 180 Anyway, so I'm sitting there and I'm like, right, I know what a cream horn is.

Speaker 180 yeah do I really know how to make it right okay well these are obviously that you must put the pastry around the outside and then will that stick so it is like fucking 10 for yourself yeah anyway I remember I put my cream horns in the oven yeah and the one thing everyone was worrying about was do we do it standing up or laying down yeah because obviously will it slide off or

Speaker 180 so I put mine in the oven and I'm like right 20 minutes to bake there's half hour left on this challenge 10 minutes to call and I'll just shove the cream in right at the end okay fine I'm taking mine out of the oven with five minutes to go everyone else has not even got their pastry in the oven yet yeah yeah and I'm like what's going on I'm thinking well I fucking want this one yeah yeah someone walks in to the tent says guys guys we can see you're all having a bit of trouble here so we're gonna give you another hour What?

Speaker 9 I don't even remember this.

Speaker 156 I fucking do.

Speaker 74 So I'm sat there.

Speaker 207 Now listen, this is no shade on Bake Off, I understand.

Speaker 180 And this don't happen in the civilian version. I say civilian because it's built into the big brother.
This don't happen in that version. Obviously, the celebrity one's a bit different.

Speaker 180 It's not about who wins in,

Speaker 116 but bullshit.

Speaker 180 Because I'm sitting there, four cream.

Speaker 117 They look nice, my cream ones.

Speaker 6 Yeah, yeah, yeah. Marcrimons look lovely, right?

Speaker 180 Because I thought I only had five minutes left, I thought I'm going to leave the orange out of the cream. I'm just going to do a...

Speaker 140 uh just a normal like i believe it's chantaly yeah um cream yeah filled them all up i'm done yeah people only got the things in the oven then they go we're gonna give you all another hour because otherwise there's no point is there with this challenge then michelle fucking keegan wins the gets first i will do you know what i like the girl i like michelle i like michelle mark they live up the road like lovely i get on with them but in that moment i'm sitting there going you bastards i've sat here

Speaker 207 I've made you cream horns in the hour and a half you asked for.

Speaker 53 They look nice.

Speaker 180 Granted, there's no fucking orange in it.

Speaker 36 And no other bastards even got their pastry in in the oven with 10 minutes to go and you come in and give us all an extra hour do you know what i might go down marks's go and get a fucking meal deal what do you want me to do about it and then paul and prue come in oh and this lovely oh this is nice oh there's no orange in this chantelie cream i'm like i know because i only had five fucking minutes there's like did anything happen no and where do i get second

Speaker 111 second joke fuck off

Speaker 54 Fuck off.

Speaker 133 And then to make matters worse, an hour before that, I'm looking for Prue's fucking wedding ring that she'd lost on the floor.

Speaker 74 So I'm outside.

Speaker 207 Lovely woman pro saw her at the chaplatinum jubilee damesy jake but i'm sitting there outside on gravel in the middle of where were we pinewood yeah yeah we were outside pinewood on the gravel trying to find this engagement ring or wedding ring for about five years yeah yeah doing cremons or trying to put out fires all over the shop everyone else gets a fucking extra hour on there i'm getting second

Speaker 66 second

Speaker 208 Second

Speaker 207 Plus I'm helping him with some fucking wiggly worms that's lived like this and some

Speaker 51 childhood thing park dream or something.

Speaker 32 And I'm like, you're right, Janice.

Speaker 48 Do you want a drink?

Speaker 146 Do you want a tea?

Speaker 5 Like, let me help you.

Speaker 207 Just try and, you know, being a nice person gets you nowhere.

Speaker 44 Yeah, yeah.

Speaker 41 All right. So go and put yourself in.

Speaker 172 You completely change what you said, Eliot.

Speaker 134 Do what you want.

Speaker 159 All right.

Speaker 48 Do you know what? It's 10 years now.

Speaker 31 I'll show you the real me.

Speaker 33 Fuck them all.

Speaker 141 Fuck them all.

Speaker 41 Buy the book.

Speaker 35 And there's your out

Speaker 1 Now, James, you never really stop going on about Bakoff, but that's not the only thing that you never stop going on about.

Speaker 1 You've got many recurring stories like a silly little old man, and they annoy Benito, don't they? And me, quite a lot of the time.

Speaker 27 You don't get annoyed.

Speaker 53 You like them.

Speaker 1 Yeah, I like them when they annoy Benito.

Speaker 198 Yeah, yeah.

Speaker 185 Benito gets annoyed and I guess doubly annoyed because he then has to sit and edit it, listen to it again.

Speaker 117 But he knows he has to keep them in because

Speaker 27 the listeners love him. Yeah.

Speaker 1 And I love him for that reason.

Speaker 44 Yeah, yeah.

Speaker 48 So let's hear about Chorizo broccoli pasta as told to Angela Hartnett.

Speaker 1 And of course, the Diet Coke story as told to Kiri Pritchard McLean.

Speaker 209 So you put that in a bacon butty or a chip butter. You do not put it in a crisp sandwich.
Sorry.

Speaker 54 Buttering a crisp sandwich.

Speaker 210 Oh, yeah, definitely. Yeah.

Speaker 209 Yeah. As many calories as you can.

Speaker 209 Sorted butter you can put in there. Salted butter, sorted crisps, heart attack sort of food after a hangover sort of, you know, you know what I'm saying.

Speaker 157 Oh, I know what you're saying.

Speaker 159 I know what you're saying.

Speaker 35 There's a a lot of,

Speaker 2 I was looking at the book a minute ago and like Tom Kerry just said how brilliant it is, Stanley Tucci.

Speaker 38 I was wondering, do chefs use each other's cookbooks at home?

Speaker 35 Do you have cookbooks by other chefs that you use?

Speaker 1 I do actually.

Speaker 11 Yeah, I have quite a lot.

Speaker 202 I've got Tom's book.

Speaker 156 Thanks, Eddie.

Speaker 209 Very good, very good.

Speaker 209 I love, I tell you who's a great food writer. I love is the guys from Honey and Co.
Itamar, he's fantastic. I love Valentine Warner.
I think his cookbooks are great. River Cafe.
Yeah, I do actually.

Speaker 209 You dip in and out. There's no one.
I mean, the goddess is Delia, without doubt.

Speaker 209 Because I tell you for why, all her recipes work.

Speaker 38 Yeah.

Speaker 209 I mean, I hope to God all of those too.

Speaker 19 Because my mum's always saying, do you check these recipes?

Speaker 209 Are you sure they're right? I said, yeah, yeah, I think they're. But, you know, even I'm like, have I missed out an ingredient? But Delia's, like Mary, they test and test and test.

Speaker 209 They're so thorough. You know, if you want a recipe that you suddenly go, I want Yorkshire puddings, it's going to work.
You go to Delia, without doubt.

Speaker 69 Oh, that's good. Very nice.

Speaker 1 I've tried using, I bought Tom Carriage's Hand and Flowers.

Speaker 202 Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah.

Speaker 83 And even even when I told him that I had that, he went, oh, you're never going to make it.

Speaker 194 And I looked at him and I was like, well, of course not, because I don't have a blast chiller at home.

Speaker 151 Don't you have your souvenir machine? Of course.

Speaker 31 Guess what we discovered recently in my flat?

Speaker 38 That the chorizo broccoli pasta.

Speaker 1 This is one of James's recipes.

Speaker 156 Okay.

Speaker 189 Me and my girlfriend make Chorizo broccoli pasta all the time, probably twice a week as well.

Speaker 118 Okay, nice.

Speaker 213 That's her favourite dish.

Speaker 35 Lovely. We absolutely love it.

Speaker 210 Any particular broccoli, may I ask?

Speaker 182 Or just, you know what?

Speaker 163 Well, kind of like your standard broccoli, but it's the um it's the stems, not the

Speaker 213 stems.

Speaker 209 Nice, nice, I like that.

Speaker 214 No wastage.

Speaker 186 Yeah, yeah.

Speaker 35 So you do the stems.

Speaker 10 Oh, no, then he throws all the rest of the broccoli away.

Speaker 156 Well, that's what's great about it.

Speaker 38 We used to, here's the thing, Angela, is this an interesting story?

Speaker 10 Yes.

Speaker 38 We used to,

Speaker 92 you know, have, well, how are we going to use these stems?

Speaker 198 So then we got this recipe, and we did that. And now we're like, how are we going to use these hems?

Speaker 187 That is an interesting story. That's how much we love this.

Speaker 157 That's stunning. That's stunning.

Speaker 35 I've got most of them up in the weekend.

Speaker 41 Yeah.

Speaker 156 Okay, marvellous.

Speaker 35 But, like,

Speaker 35 yeah,

Speaker 38 we know it so well.

Speaker 71 We were like, where have we even got this recipe from, didn't you?

Speaker 156 Tom Kerridge. Tom Kerridge.

Speaker 35 Yeah.

Speaker 209 Do you put chili in there as well? A bit of garlic.

Speaker 41 Chili, garlic, capers.

Speaker 209 Capers, nice, yeah.

Speaker 118 Obviously, Torizo.

Speaker 216 Yeah, obviously Torizo.

Speaker 2 And I always forget the name of the pasta that we prefer.

Speaker 35 But we, you know, I only have it in Torizo Buffy person.

Speaker 32 Do you use the main bit of the Torizo, or is it like

Speaker 41 do you use the metal, the metal at the end? Yeah, the metal.

Speaker 164 Yeah, it's like a

Speaker 189 20p and a Christmas pudding.

Speaker 38 Okay,

Speaker 186 we let them be like Teresa.

Speaker 164 Yeah, you're lucky to get the old metal bits.

Speaker 211 I specifically remember going with my friend Mavanui to Brighton on a day out with her friend Dom, I think his name was. And you know, when you're out and you're like, Do you want a fizzy drink?

Speaker 211 It's like a nice treat, fun fizzy drink? And he was like, Oh, I don't drink fizzy drinks. And I and he was like, I just stopped having them, and now they taste like chemicals.

Speaker 68 And I was like, What?

Speaker 69 I can't.

Speaker 211 I remember specifically thinking that in my 20s and then I stopped drinking them I used to just neck diet coke yeah to the point where I was worried that if you cut me open I'd look like one of those lovely sort of amethyst paper weights

Speaker 211 inside so I then I just stopped for whatever reason and I went back to it now and fizzy drinks are quite horrible like chemically if you like most tins of them are really quite disgusting but sparkling water still gives you that that sweet sweet high of bubbles without the like

Speaker 37 taste so you used to drink a lot of Diet Coke.

Speaker 47 Loads.

Speaker 2 And then you stopped drinking Diet Coke for a really long time. And now when you go back to it, it tastes like chemicals.

Speaker 115 Yeah. That's interesting, isn't it, guys?

Speaker 92 That's the next step on from my story.

Speaker 37 Because I used to drink...

Speaker 1 You basically teed James up for a story he's told on this podman.

Speaker 172 No, hold on.

Speaker 38 Hold on, though, because this is like Kimmy's coming up with the sequel.

Speaker 106 So I've told this story a lot.

Speaker 2 I used to drink a lot of Coca-Cola and I stopped drinking caffeine for like five years and then started drinking Diet Coke and it tasted just like Coca-Cola used to taste.

Speaker 111 It's like a hack.

Speaker 118 And then I'm drinking loads of Diet Coke.

Speaker 37 But now it seems that if I then went the next step and stopped drinking the Diet Coke for five years, I would then go back to Diet Coke and it would taste like chemicals.

Speaker 111 And that's interesting.

Speaker 211 It is, yeah. But it's really like, you're really playing the long game on this, aren't you?

Speaker 211 And you strike me as someone who hasn't got many vices. So have your Diet Coke.

Speaker 163 Well, yeah, I'm letting myself do that now.

Speaker 198 But like, it's interesting to know that there's another phase for this because it's one of the listeners' favorite stories on the podcast.

Speaker 156 A fan favourite. Yeah, fan favorite.

Speaker 1 I think saying to someone, someone, you strike me as someone who doesn't have many vices, is the most polite way of saying you're an absolute dweeb.

Speaker 10 Oh, no.

Speaker 211 I'm more sort of like, and then the sort of like

Speaker 211 caveat in the air is like, other than all the sex workers, you know.

Speaker 1 Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

Speaker 35 It's one or the other, isn't it?

Speaker 213 I am either a dweeb or do you suspect I'm secretly a murderer?

Speaker 163 Yeah, you can be both.

Speaker 4 A sense murderer, to be specific.

Speaker 149 Oh, that is some top quality content right there.

Speaker 54 That's pretty good, man.

Speaker 10 I've got to have a lot of people.

Speaker 111 We could have played a few more clips of those.

Speaker 89 I think I've talked about Trizo Broccoli Pasta with more people than just Angela Hartnett.

Speaker 1 Well, don't worry about it because Benito's going to put himself through it even more here. Because what annoys him even more than your two stories there is a long, boring guessing game.

Speaker 38 Yes, he hates guessing games.

Speaker 27 You know who likes them?

Speaker 181 Annie Magliano and Morgana Robinson?

Speaker 81 Correct.

Speaker 93 Guessed correctly.

Speaker 33 Now, you mentioned the rip-off Colin caterpillar cakes just then. Where do you stand on those?

Speaker 218 I think, like, sometimes you aren't near an MS.

Speaker 45 Sure.

Speaker 92 Sure.

Speaker 39 So, what else you meant to do?

Speaker 54 Not have a caterpillar cake.

Speaker 55 Yeah.

Speaker 10 What are you supposed to do?

Speaker 33 Get through a whole day without a caterpillar-shaped cake.

Speaker 81 Yeah, and you know, I think also, what is it?

Speaker 73 Wiggles?

Speaker 96 Yeah, they've got different names.

Speaker 41 I'm not really sure what their name is.

Speaker 74 But they're all Colin to me.

Speaker 54 Googling it as we speak.

Speaker 204 They're all Colin to me.

Speaker 76 I just call them all Colin.

Speaker 68 It's easier.

Speaker 139 Yeah, yeah.

Speaker 38 Doesn't make this.

Speaker 7 That's not a good look.

Speaker 134 Don't.

Speaker 57 We were an alliance against M.

Speaker 54 We were, but I can't tell by this.

Speaker 80 No.

Speaker 1 And to think, up until this point, I bet someone from M ⁇ S was listening and going, I'm going to send Anya so many Colin the Caterpillar cakes.

Speaker 179 No, we can't have that.

Speaker 54 I'm done.

Speaker 110 Let me see the names.

Speaker 34 Weirdly, I can't wait for this.

Speaker 45 Here we go.

Speaker 30 Other retailers. I'm going to say the names of the caterpillars, and you have to tell me where it's from.

Speaker 53 Yeah, great guess.

Speaker 1 Is that the, or is the fun where? I guess, no, we don't know any of the names, do we?

Speaker 182 I was going to say you the retailers, and we try and guess the names.

Speaker 30 I can do a round like that as well.

Speaker 111 There's so many of them.

Speaker 63 You can only do one of the rounds. You can't then just do it.

Speaker 166 I can go back and forth. That's just the memory.

Speaker 1 We have to be men in black in between.

Speaker 39 I mean, from one caterpillar to the next, I do all of them, and then men in black do and then do it again and see which format works the best.

Speaker 165 But it keeps the one in that work.

Speaker 109 Actually, for this one, I'm going to tell you the

Speaker 117 place.

Speaker 6 This is good. This is Morrison's.

Speaker 1 So i think alliteration is kind of key sometimes you would think that you would think that but maybe but it's clearly not because of but it could be alliteration with caterpillar like colin let me tell you yeah that's what i that's exactly what i meant

Speaker 33 that's what he meant you fucking moron

Speaker 96 what do you think what did you think i've

Speaker 117 it could be alliteration with caterpillar like for example colin the caterpillar

Speaker 57 I thought you meant with Morrisons.

Speaker 1 No, no, no, no, not with, no.

Speaker 115 I'll tell you this.

Speaker 41 I'll tell you this.

Speaker 125 There were two.

Speaker 22 Well, I'll tell you this.

Speaker 66 You really lashed out.

Speaker 54 I apologise.

Speaker 92 There were two caterpillars here that aren't alliterated with caterpillar.

Speaker 200 Wiggles.

Speaker 33 Wiggles is one of them.

Speaker 96 Oh, wow, well.

Speaker 90 Where do you get Wiggles from?

Speaker 179 Sainsbury's. Correct.

Speaker 1 Okay, this is great. I'm going to lose this.

Speaker 27 Now, the other one that is not alliterated with Caterpillar is the Morrison's one.

Speaker 92 Right.

Speaker 89 But it is alliterated with Morrison's.

Speaker 23 Right. We laughed at you.

Speaker 60 What a redemption arc.

Speaker 1 It's not Mark Morrison, is it?

Speaker 118 Close.

Speaker 141 Mark.

Speaker 1 Is it Mark the Caterpillar, James?

Speaker 33 Caterpillar's everything called Mark.

Speaker 54 It's the most.

Speaker 60 It's the worst.

Speaker 1 Colin's Colin's a weird name for a caterpillar, but we're used to that now.

Speaker 33 This is a literature. Yeah, you don't want to rip off of Colin the Caterpillar.

Speaker 139 I'm going to call it Mark.

Speaker 54 Mark the Caterpillar.

Speaker 55 No. Okay.

Speaker 96 You said it was close.

Speaker 92 Mark Morrison was close.

Speaker 117 Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Speaker 90 But not the Mark bit.

Speaker 45 Ah, it begins with M.

Speaker 66 Yes.

Speaker 129 Mucky.

Speaker 59 No.

Speaker 59 Muddy.

Speaker 54 No, not Muddy. No.

Speaker 81 Michelle. Is it male name?

Speaker 9 Yes.

Speaker 27 Martin. No.

Speaker 129 Mr. Caterpillar.

Speaker 129 Michael.

Speaker 55 Michelin. Morris.

Speaker 55 Morris the Caterpillar.

Speaker 63 So I was close. Yes.

Speaker 30 Morris the Caterpillar.

Speaker 117 Yes, I tried to steer it.

Speaker 54 I go, not Mark. Yeah.

Speaker 29 Okay, yeah, yeah.

Speaker 102 Michael.

Speaker 55 What the fuck?

Speaker 124 Where's Cuffbert the Caterpillar from?

Speaker 204 Tesco.

Speaker 110 Incorrect. No.

Speaker 105 Not little. Aldi.

Speaker 60 Yes.

Speaker 61 Oh, yeah. From the scandal.

Speaker 89 Oh, I'm heading down to the co-op.

Speaker 54 Okay.

Speaker 33 Sorry, Minito just got an email

Speaker 44 about our bookings for the Christmas special, so I had a little look.

Speaker 51 Just came in.

Speaker 118 I'm going down to the co-op.

Speaker 137 What caterpillar's hanging around there?

Speaker 98 Christine.

Speaker 89 Oh, that's good. Is it alliterative, yeah?

Speaker 27 Yes.

Speaker 34 Charlie?

Speaker 107 Yes. It is Charlie.

Speaker 104 Yeah.

Speaker 124 It is Charlie the Caterpillar at the co-op.

Speaker 90 Oh.

Speaker 29 Cecil the Caterpillar.

Speaker 204 That's Tesco.

Speaker 41 Liddle.

Speaker 29 No.

Speaker 114 What the fuck?

Speaker 111 Cecil sounds awfully posh to me.

Speaker 41 Oh, waitrose.

Speaker 129 Very good.

Speaker 1 These are good clues as well, man.

Speaker 69 Yeah, yeah.

Speaker 33 Oh, Clyde the Caterpillar.

Speaker 137 Oh, I know this one.

Speaker 204 Tesco.

Speaker 114 No?

Speaker 74 Oh, for the moment. For the million of fucking Tesco.

Speaker 117 Let's just say with Clyde, he has a neck all the way down to his ass, which he pats twice.

Speaker 114 As a.

Speaker 151 Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Speaker 86 Okay, right.

Speaker 64 Just for the listener and for James, because you missed that.

Speaker 1 And you just patted her face twice.

Speaker 1 Almost as if to try try and remember what the name of the supermarket was.

Speaker 155 You can imagine. Did you remember that on the Azure address?

Speaker 181 I really thought I was going to get away with that.

Speaker 90 I mean, there was a Tesco one, which I feel like this should be just you guessing it. Yeah.

Speaker 92 Because you've guessed Tesco for every single one.

Speaker 61 They all sound like they could be Tesco.

Speaker 72 I can see where it is in my Tesco.

Speaker 137 Huh? What?

Speaker 181 Oh, you mean in your Tesco that you got?

Speaker 107 In my local Tesco.

Speaker 1 For a second, it was like you were describing your own mind as being a Tesco.

Speaker 6 I can see where it is in my Tesco.

Speaker 54 Which is also true.

Speaker 30 You're just losing words in your vocabulary steadily.

Speaker 33 I've replaced them all with Tesco.

Speaker 127 Okay, I can Tesco where it is.

Speaker 204 Can I have a letter after C?

Speaker 33 You.

Speaker 90 It's not. Cuffbutt.

Speaker 90 We had Cuffbutt earlier.

Speaker 7 That was the Aldi one.

Speaker 41 Don't worry, you did guess Tesco for that.

Speaker 33 But Cuffbert has already been gone.

Speaker 118 I'll give you a clue as well with this one.

Speaker 29 It's not traditionally like a normal Christian name. But there was a character on Coronation Street who was called this.

Speaker 27 Oh, okay. Got it.

Speaker 90 I don't know that.

Speaker 129 Yes. Curly.
Curly the Desperate.

Speaker 80 Oh, I would never have got that.

Speaker 42 Best game we've ever played on the pod.

Speaker 1 Yeah, it's good pod.

Speaker 100 It was a good pod game.

Speaker 167 Good pod game.

Speaker 33 Good pod.

Speaker 60 Good pod.

Speaker 1 How many shapes of pasta do you have in your house house at any given moment?

Speaker 61 Oh my god, I'd probably say about seven.

Speaker 80 Really? Seven? Yeah.

Speaker 111 I don't think I could even name that many shapes.

Speaker 61 Yes, you can. Come on, let's go.

Speaker 105 Come on, Ed.

Speaker 90 Penne?

Speaker 54 Yeah. Thank you.

Speaker 115 Spaghetti?

Speaker 72 Yeah.

Speaker 33 Linguini?

Speaker 61 Yes. Fusili.

Speaker 76 This one, this one.

Speaker 80 No, I'm not looking.

Speaker 6 I want to do it properly. I want to do the game properly.

Speaker 1 You don't win Taskmaster by taking help from other people.

Speaker 136 Lasagna sheets. Yes,

Speaker 61 Canalone, you can say that.

Speaker 147 Yeah. Oh, that's good.

Speaker 27 I'll say that next angel hair yes

Speaker 54 um fafale oh that's action mambo tide that's what i was doing for you i was trying to have oh right okay um taglitelli tagliatelli yeah oh good one

Speaker 29 uh oh i might be in big trouble i said it a minute ago when i was talking about the sausage here's the thing as well like i I make a regular pasta, my chorizo broccoli pasta, and I make it with a a pasta that I don't even know the name of it.

Speaker 29 We get the same pasta every time because it's the best one to go with chorizo broccoli pasta.

Speaker 74 Do you do it with orange chicks and chili? No.

Speaker 29 We do it with chili.

Speaker 92 Chili, garlic, capers.

Speaker 61 Sexy.

Speaker 72 Thank you.

Speaker 64 I've got two lined up ready to go by the way.

Speaker 80 Yeah, quite yet.

Speaker 60 No pressure. I've got about five.

Speaker 33 The taskmaster champs are absolutely

Speaker 33 shredding me here.

Speaker 61 You're going to come bottom last again.

Speaker 54 Oh, no.

Speaker 50 Bottom last.

Speaker 74 That's fourth bottom.

Speaker 118 That's the second bottom I came and it will be the same again because Benito's bottom.

Speaker 109 The last time you had a second bottom was when you were many kids.

Speaker 69 Yeah.

Speaker 90 I had four bottoms.

Speaker 90 Oh, I don't, I think I'm out. Come on.

Speaker 71 I don't think there's any other paths. You don't give up.

Speaker 29 Macaroni. Yeah, there you go.

Speaker 95 It's a marriage. Macaroni.
Macaroni, me.

Speaker 134 But a pepper is that good macaroni.

Speaker 72 Orzo.

Speaker 54 Oh, nice. What?

Speaker 61 Orzo. Looks like little rice.
It looks like rice.

Speaker 20 Or a Chieti. Oh, no.

Speaker 74 Yeah, the little is. It is.

Speaker 54 Because it's straight back now. Oh, no.

Speaker 146 Because YouTube I'd once lined up.

Speaker 149 So it's like, I need that's the genius of this game came up for air for like two seconds and now that's it oh come on

Speaker 113 when like when you yeah so angel hair was really smuggled angel i've got them here

Speaker 29 because i was like you were struggling so i was like well this game's gonna last like one more round so i've got angel hair and then i'm out i didn't know i was gonna have to do my checked out didn't you yeah i did check out But even now that I'm in, also, what's annoying about it is I tried to, I tried to go, I'm out, and then I told I can't go out.

Speaker 26 And he was like, no, so now I'm trapped in this.

Speaker 33 I've got three lined up.

Speaker 26 You haven't got three lined up, have you?

Speaker 61 I've got a few up my sleeve.

Speaker 107 What?

Speaker 74 How is this? He's sweating. He's sweating.

Speaker 54 He normally likes guessing games.

Speaker 55 He looks really good.

Speaker 61 He looks really actually quite worried.

Speaker 97 For Flazy.

Speaker 34 For Flazy. I'm not sure for you.

Speaker 50 For Flazy.

Speaker 92 Yes, Benito.

Speaker 124 He's on the Wikipedia.

Speaker 181 For Pasca. How are you spelling for Flazy?

Speaker 91 F-E-R.

Speaker 29 F-L-E-Z-Z-I.

Speaker 29 Nothing. It's got got a zero.

Speaker 111 Yo, you've got to. I'll beat Dave Foreman.

Speaker 54 Do you want to hear my last ones that I have?

Speaker 147 Yeah, yeah, go.

Speaker 90 Bucattini.

Speaker 61 Nice. Bucati?

Speaker 36 Bucattini. An MG.

Speaker 118 Big, thick spaghetti.

Speaker 111 Ravioli, I thought I could throw that in.

Speaker 54 Oh, hello. Oh, for fuck's sake.

Speaker 60 People haven't even thought of you having a

Speaker 74 lot of toll love. Another

Speaker 136 strozza pretty.

Speaker 54 Yeah, the little ripped bits.

Speaker 111 Strangled priest, that means.

Speaker 137 What?

Speaker 137 What are the pasta?

Speaker 80 I've got a white on.

Speaker 1 Is that another pasta?

Speaker 54 Yeah,

Speaker 61 meaty dishes only.

Speaker 90 Yes.

Speaker 61 We're not going to put this bit in, are we?

Speaker 76 We're going to take this bit out.

Speaker 55 Yeah, yeah.

Speaker 27 Yeah, our listeners love this kind of stuff.

Speaker 33 Do they?

Speaker 61 They're disgusting.

Speaker 66 Okay, great.

Speaker 1 We all love a guessing game, James.

Speaker 29 Yeah, I guess I do.

Speaker 1 And you know what else we love? And this is my favorite category that Benito's put together for the best of.

Speaker 33 I love an anecdote.

Speaker 149 Yes, this is where I guess if you're the great Benito and you're putting together the best of, and you've got a bunch of stuff that is good, but you can't figure out what category to put it in, you just make up a category called anecdotes, and that's a good old, that's a good old coverall.

Speaker 1 Yes, so here's some anecdotes from Felicity Ward, Kiri Pritchard McLean, and Baba Tunde Aleche.

Speaker 220 Our whole family have like this secret language that we speak made up of all of the dumb things that we couldn't say.

Speaker 220 So we call Disney Disney and we call, if something's nice, we say it's Lolly Buff or Buffalo.

Speaker 9 Lolly Boof.

Speaker 220 Yeah, lovely and beautiful or beautiful and lovely. It's like, oh,

Speaker 208 that jacket.

Speaker 55 Lolly Boof.

Speaker 41 Lolly Boof.

Speaker 208 Buffalo.

Speaker 54 Buffalo Lully. Buffalo.

Speaker 41 I love that. Oh, yeah.

Speaker 54 Yeah.

Speaker 74 I love it.

Speaker 78 It's so soft.

Speaker 88 So soft and buffalo.

Speaker 33 Buffalo. Lolly.

Speaker 55 Lolly buff.

Speaker 96 Like you mean clockwork orange,

Speaker 138 yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, but my dialogue.

Speaker 220 And then I got a message the other day. I've got loads of cousins.
I've got 26 cousins and lots of them have kids now.

Speaker 220 And two of the kids of my cousins, one of them said, these are just quotes, Xavia must be like four now. And he went, oh, dad, pelicans fucking stink.

Speaker 221 And then the other one was from

Speaker 169 my cousin's daughter at Harper. Harper and she walks around the house going, oh, fuck a hells.

Speaker 169 Lovely stuff.

Speaker 125 Lovely stuff. Buffalo, lovely stuff.

Speaker 59 That is buffalo, lovely stuff.

Speaker 74 It's lovely boof.

Speaker 55 Lolly boof, buffalo, lovely.

Speaker 73 Do you say googie eggs?

Speaker 96 Nope.

Speaker 54 All right, yeah, just checking.

Speaker 221 It's another one.

Speaker 220 Like if you call it like an egg, do you want some googie eggs?

Speaker 62 Nope. But what's that for?

Speaker 221 I can't really remember.

Speaker 218 Do you know the phrase full as a goog?

Speaker 143 Nope. That is a phrase that exists.

Speaker 78 And an egg is a goog.

Speaker 52 Full as a a goog. Full as a goog.

Speaker 73 G-double-O-G. What does that mean?

Speaker 221 Look, I'm not an etymologist.

Speaker 52 But do you use that phrase?

Speaker 82 Yeah.

Speaker 54 When do you use it?

Speaker 52 If you've had a big meal, you're like, well, full as a goog. Full as a goog.

Speaker 88 What does it say? As full as a goog.

Speaker 117 Informal means very drunk.

Speaker 33 Drunk.

Speaker 36 Drunk Australian phrase, it says.

Speaker 73 Yeah, we never used it in that. And we call, can you Google Googie eggs?

Speaker 29 An egg or eggs usually when offered as food to a child. In widespread use, come on, eat your googie eggs.

Speaker 208 Yeah, googie eggs.

Speaker 1 It's not helped at all.

Speaker 55 Really?

Speaker 143 It's just Australians.

Speaker 9 It's just googie eggs.

Speaker 10 You've got to be a little bit more than a moment. Not mentioning my favourite Mayo.

Speaker 163 I was quite excited when you said most different mayos, and then my favourite one didn't come up.

Speaker 71 Oh my god, no, I've got it. I've got it.

Speaker 211 Okay, my favourite mayo. I've got a mayo story to tell you.

Speaker 211 This is so, so, okay, so what a pickle is a company.

Speaker 217 Um, what you were doing, like, the title of the the story there.

Speaker 35 What a story to tell you.

Speaker 156 What a pickle.

Speaker 202 Give me Freddy Clay.

Speaker 202 Actually,

Speaker 160 it will work with the title.

Speaker 160 Right, great. So

Speaker 195 it's a What a Pickle.

Speaker 211 Your partner and I we try and support like anything vegan will buy, anything small business will buy. So we just take a punt on tarragon mayo from What a Pickle.

Speaker 69 What a pickle.

Speaker 211 And we get it home.

Speaker 4 This doesn't sound like a pickle sofa, by the way.

Speaker 211 We finish the jar in a day. What a pickle.
So then we go back to get it.

Speaker 19 Yeah.

Speaker 211 There's no more tarragon mayo. What? They were like, no one is buying it.
So it all went, like, that was it. That you had the last jar.
So we're like, oh, God, how are we going to track this down?

Speaker 211 So then there's a lockdown, and all we're thinking of is this Tarragon Mayo.

Speaker 211 So then we go back to... I've said this slightly wrong.
Okay. So we go to...
Okay, right. So we go to a shopping centre near us.

Speaker 1 I love there's a lockdown and all you're thinking about is Tarragon Mayo.

Speaker 158 I promise you, okay, I'm not sure.

Speaker 202 Not worried about the NHS or anything.

Speaker 118 Also, my favourite stories are ones that are flat up at the beginning, go, right, I've got a story, and then go wrong and have to be started again.

Speaker 186 My favorite type of stories i love it oh no i've remembered this one hold on go back to the beginning okay no okay

Speaker 202 here we go

Speaker 211 um it's because i got distracted on the way and i actually thought i know the good bit the story this is just preamble right so vron gorg is a is a lovely garden center in north wales yeah parent and i love to go there and they've got a little shop in the corner so we go there there's a tarragon mayo let's try some of this yeah uh take it home finish it like immediately like i say day two days it's so so good we're like we've got to go back there.

Speaker 211 By the time I'm not working, there's another lockdown. So we're like, oh, God.
So then they lift the lockdown, we go back, we make a B line for it, and it's not there anymore.

Speaker 211 And we're sort of mooching around, being like, oh, it's not there, it's not there. And the woman in the shop is like, what, what are you looking for? I said, oh, we had this tarragon mayo before.

Speaker 211 It was really good. And she went, oh, God, yeah.
She said, we had loads of jars of it left. No one was buying it.
And then the lockdown happened and it went, she was like, it was about to go off.

Speaker 211 So we threw a load of it away and we gave some to the staff. And I was like, really?

Speaker 211 And then we joked and went, Where are the bins?

Speaker 211 And then she said, Always, I took some home for my daughter because she's a vegan. And she was like, I don't think she's even opened it.
And we're like, Oh, right, okay.

Speaker 211 And then she was like, Where do you live?

Speaker 211 And I said, Oh, I live on the island. And she went, No, I live on the island.
And she said, Whereabouts? And I was like, Well, you tell me where first. And she's like, No, you tell me.

Speaker 211 So I told her the tiny village that I live in. And she went, My auntie lives there.
I'm going past.

Speaker 211 And she was like, Tell you what, if she's not opened the jar, and she said, If it hasn't got a little green fur jacket on it, is the phrase that she used, she said, I'll leave it for you, but like by the house.

Speaker 211 And I was like, oh, okay. So just like, didn't think anything of it.

Speaker 211 Anyway, like a week later, at the end of like where we live, is a little plastic bag with a little poster note on it going, I brought you the tarragon mayo. I hope you enjoy it from this woman.

Speaker 211 And she'd given us her tarragon mayo.

Speaker 1 I don't think that story should be called What a pickle.

Speaker 111 That story should simply be called Wales.

Speaker 156 I live in Wales.

Speaker 41 Poplobs or bread.

Speaker 140 Pop lobs or bread, Babatunde. Poplubs or bread.

Speaker 54 Why are you shouting at me?

Speaker 69 Bread.

Speaker 9 Is this what happens? You just shout at me. He does.

Speaker 54 Yeah, yeah.

Speaker 196 You're lucky I didn't.

Speaker 168 It's because I've been taking cold baths, so I don't get scared now, you know what I'm saying?

Speaker 160 Because that can't help me.

Speaker 54 Oh, man.

Speaker 29 If I remembered, I literally forgot already that Babatunde gets scared easy.

Speaker 33 I should have thought I could really get him with Poplar Lobs or Bread.

Speaker 89 But I thought, well, he's not, I'm not going to surprise him with that because he's a fan of the podcast.

Speaker 42 Yeah.

Speaker 119 Because he wears the merch.

Speaker 181 But then I i forgot he hasn't done his podcast so why have i done that what would you have done if he'd just run out the room bro like if this was a month ago not taking like cold baths and stuff like that yeah i would have jetted so the cut you take cold baths now yeah have you tried watching the exorcist now you take cold baths ain't happening

Speaker 168 i still believe in jesus so that's not happening bro

Speaker 54 does the exorcist not um confirm your belief in jesus because like it's uh the catholic church actually like back the exorcist as a film film yeah yeah because it says that jesus exists like it's it's it's actually a pro religion film okay it's got the baddies in it yeah right i've never been to

Speaker 168 i've never seen someone be exorcised i've been to well that's a lie tonight i have

Speaker 168 but not like that yeah i have some i've seen someone because i go church i have seen someone i used to go to a pentecostal church you see all types of stuff there i have seen a demon manifest in someone, and

Speaker 64 not like that.

Speaker 168 The girl pushed the preacher and he flew.

Speaker 114 Wow.

Speaker 168 But she had a demon in there.

Speaker 9 So they said,

Speaker 68 she pushed him. She pushed the crap out of him.

Speaker 129 Yeah. And I was like, damn.

Speaker 60 I was at the back of the church.

Speaker 77 I was like, damn.

Speaker 55 You got pushed.

Speaker 22 I was like, you better call on Jesus, bro.

Speaker 175 She's strong, bro.

Speaker 1 That's probably just what you wanted to hear at that moment.

Speaker 54 Yeah, you're in Russia.

Speaker 181 She's flying across the room, just being pushed by a demon.

Speaker 67 Surely someone from my congregation will come and help me.

Speaker 46 Damn, you got pushed.

Speaker 92 Let me get this straight.

Speaker 27 When you watch an actual horror film, you have to run out of the flat and then argue about who goes back in the flat to turn it off.

Speaker 33 But you've been in a room with a literal demon and all you thought was

Speaker 27 in a church.

Speaker 53 And you thought, whoa, I got pushed.

Speaker 131 And you didn't think like

Speaker 33 watch as a horror film yeah if i saw that in a film i'd be like damn he got pushed in real life i'd be running out

Speaker 60 nah man because it's church like jesus you know she's got a demon in it in the church yeah but like the preacher's gonna like be like do his thing innit like yeah he's been he's protected yeah

Speaker 196 I mean, if she turned around and set her sights on me, I'm gone.

Speaker 69 Yeah.

Speaker 52 Didn't seem too worried about bringing attention to yourself, though.

Speaker 9 Well, oh, yeah, yeah, I did shout out. But at the same time, bro, this really happened, not even a joke.

Speaker 64 This girl was going crazy, she like shook her head and then she just went boom, yeah.

Speaker 139 And he was on the other end of the room.

Speaker 92 Wow, but but then were you not scared then?

Speaker 182 She's gonna get us all nah, not really because, like I said, like the preacher, he's like, he's got Jesus power, but he's been pushed for miles, didn't he?

Speaker 60 That's his fault, bro. You know what I'm saying? You shouldn't have

Speaker 96 kissed the demon off.

Speaker 39 Man, you know, what was really funny when Babatunde said like you was grabbing the ass and you were grabbing that butt.

Speaker 1 Yeah, yeah, on I'm a Celebrity. If Baba Tunde, if I see him now, because we've recorded that before he's on I'm a Celebrity, if I see him now, I'm going to be fanboying about that.

Speaker 53 Yeah, yeah, I am.

Speaker 35 I am.

Speaker 27 Hey, and look, I don't like how much I'm a Celebrity has humanized that piece of shit, Hancock.

Speaker 37 But I love Baba Tunde sitting down with him and telling him over and over again.

Speaker 42 You were grabbing that ass.

Speaker 52 Yes, and I will fanboy with him about that.

Speaker 1 This is me trying to link into the next bit, James.

Speaker 1 You just keep talking about grabbing the ass.

Speaker 27 Yeah, but I'm just disgusted with Hancock and him being humanised on that show.

Speaker 1 I love the fact that

Speaker 38 they said grabbing the ass.

Speaker 1 We certainly fanboyed over some guests this series.

Speaker 1 Let's hear from Joseph Quinn and Michael Scher.

Speaker 149 Yeah. See, we're popular fans, man.

Speaker 96 Yeah.

Speaker 92 We know it.

Speaker 1 No, obviously, Eddie Munson, big metal fan.

Speaker 30 Big metal fan based on Eddie.

Speaker 163 Huge for me.

Speaker 171 Yeah, I'm a big metal fan, aren't you?

Speaker 124 Yeah, I'm a huge metal fan.

Speaker 92 He loves board games as well.

Speaker 63 Let me tell you, the metal press went absolutely wild when that last episode came out.

Speaker 171 I know.

Speaker 1 All my tweets were from Kerrang and Metal Hammer and stuff. And so excited that there's a Metallica song in Stranger Things.

Speaker 195 Oh, yeah, when you did the guitar. Yeah.

Speaker 29 Now, here's another thing I always think when watching stuff.

Speaker 42 This should be good.

Speaker 149 Whenever they're playing,

Speaker 54 I mean, it will be good.

Speaker 27 Whenever they're actually doing music, I'm like, are they actually playing it?

Speaker 30 Are they or is that someone else's hands?

Speaker 1 But you think, is it someone else's hands?

Speaker 33 Sometimes

Speaker 30 they do close-up shots of the guitar, and it's someone else shredding and playing.

Speaker 92 Because when he is playing it, we're playing that Metallica song, bits on the fretboard, they're playing that song.

Speaker 27 That is probably playing that song.

Speaker 31 But have you learnt it?

Speaker 134 Are you doing that?

Speaker 27 Or have they got a handsy person in?

Speaker 171 I'll be totally honest with you.

Speaker 3 Most of it's me.

Speaker 26 Yeah.

Speaker 171 And I'm doing the hands.

Speaker 27 Yeah.

Speaker 171 The music hands to make the music.

Speaker 100 The difficult music,

Speaker 171 the solo. Yeah, they're not my hands.

Speaker 120 Dustin's hands.

Speaker 55 They're dusty.

Speaker 86 Nothing gets past you, does it?

Speaker 74 Yeah.

Speaker 33 Something it's a child hand in.

Speaker 54 I'm tiny.

Speaker 111 Yeah, they should have thought of that.

Speaker 171 Yeah, so it's kind of a little bit my hands, a little bit other mystery hands.

Speaker 42 Another question about the guitar?

Speaker 219 Come on.

Speaker 29 When you get it just before that scene when you go up on the roof to play it to shred you get it off of the thing and you're excited about doing the solo you put it on and then you swing it over onto your back yeah in one

Speaker 119 do you like that how many takes does that take is that a real guitar or is that a light is that made of polystyrene so that it would it would fly easier real guitar real guitar i can't remember how many takes not that many didn't drop it at any point no just goes

Speaker 167 every time drilled it drilled the strap into the guitar so that we'd avoid that problem brilliant see

Speaker 93 what do you mean see why are you looking at me like like that?

Speaker 54 Worth answer the question. Yeah, I didn't say it wasn't worth answering.

Speaker 175 I thought it was a good question, great answer.

Speaker 81 I just say I'm enjoying it.

Speaker 9 Should we move on? It's a real badass mind.

Speaker 98 It's like, it's like, it's really, in many ways, this is the best and the worst time for us to interview you.

Speaker 62 Right.

Speaker 26 Best time for us.

Speaker 96 Okay.

Speaker 29 We've just seen it. And we just want to talk about it, Lades.
Worst time for you.

Speaker 27 We've just seen it.

Speaker 92 We want to talk about it.

Speaker 55 That's okay.

Speaker 4 Hearty bread with loads of stuff on the out.

Speaker 7 There's a roughage on the outside, and you want warm butter, and that's all you want for your bread.

Speaker 33 That's all I want.

Speaker 42 No olives specifically.

Speaker 173 No olives anywhere. I'll take a pretzel bread, too.
I don't know if that's a big thing in London, but pretzel bread is a good.

Speaker 173 If there's no hearty, chunky, seedy bread, I'll go with a pretzel bread if that's an option.

Speaker 7 That is quite exciting. This is a very German.

Speaker 49 Am I right in saying?

Speaker 146 Oh, I think you're right.

Speaker 84 Yeah, it feels German.

Speaker 49 Cousin Moe's coming out in your

Speaker 173 I don't know if Moze would eat. I think Moze would more eat like a proper plowman's lunch.
You know, like he was a farmer.

Speaker 173 I think he's just taking a big chunk of sourdough and a big chunk of cheese and then quietly eating it alone somewhere, like in an outhouse on his farm.

Speaker 7 Or he would eat like, I think he would eat a pretzel, but if it was made out of jerky

Speaker 7 that was made out of like a bull's intestine, I think he would have that.

Speaker 173 Like, yeah, venison jerky or something. Yeah, just some horrifying farm meat that he cured himself.
Yeah, thank you for bringing it up, Moz, by the way. It's very kind of you.

Speaker 1 I think about Moze a lot. I think just that specific scene where I think people arrive in a car to the farm and Moze just silently runs alongside the car is quite disturbing.

Speaker 173 It really is, isn't it? Yeah, the way it was written in the script was the car pulls up the long driveway. Suddenly, Moz appears out of nowhere and runs alongside it like a dog.

Speaker 33 That was the stage direction.

Speaker 3 Is it Nino's you want the pizza from?

Speaker 105 Yeah. Do you want it from there?

Speaker 75 Because I was going to offer you two other places.

Speaker 45 Okay.

Speaker 131 Do you want it from Alfredo's pizza or pizza by Alfredo?

Speaker 54 Wow.

Speaker 84 That's a deep cut.

Speaker 7 I told you this was going to happen.

Speaker 77 And James said that he wouldn't do this. Don't worry.

Speaker 1 We had Martin Freeman on and James spent the whole thing asking him to do his voice from Fargo. So this is actually going very well compared to that.

Speaker 173 I heard that one.

Speaker 173 He didn't get it. It was clear that you wanted him to do the voice and he didn't understand that.

Speaker 77 He got that's what I wanted him to do the whole time.

Speaker 84 Martin Freeman's not playing ball with the likes of me.

Speaker 146 Well, you kept saying, like, everyone else isn't good at it.

Speaker 83 You're the one who's good at it.

Speaker 54 Thank you.

Speaker 84 Thank you very much.

Speaker 8 He just didn't take the bait over and over again.

Speaker 84 I was like, he's not going to do it, man.

Speaker 20 He's wily.

Speaker 44 He's wily, but he got me to do it.

Speaker 38 I was pretty gutty about that.

Speaker 75 But yeah, no, I've watched them all again recently because my girlfriend hadn't seen them, so he watched them all during lockdown.

Speaker 69 So I've got them.

Speaker 99 They're fresh.

Speaker 10 They're fresh in the head here. Yeah, clearly.

Speaker 46 Was it like the most watched show during 2020 or something?

Speaker 173 The Office was, I think, the most watched show even before the pandemic. Like, it was having this weird resurgence.
Wow. And then the pandemic kicked it into overdrive.

Speaker 173 Like, I got recognized as Moe, even with a mask on, I got recognized as Mo's more in the last two or three years than I had like when the show was on.

Speaker 173 Like it was really a, I think that when everyone has to stay in their house and there's nothing to do, that show had 201 episodes or something like that.

Speaker 173 And I think it would just became the thing that was like a ritualistic like family way to pass time. It definitely kicked up a notch.

Speaker 173 I tried to show my kids the British version and they were like, no, thank you.

Speaker 173 They did not like David Brent as much as Michael Scott, which I kind of get, you know, for a kid.

Speaker 54 Yeah.

Speaker 54 Adults love it, but.

Speaker 39 All the people in that version, they're kill joys.

Speaker 7 They don't do accents if you ask them to.

Speaker 84 They're not very fun.

Speaker 7 Yeah, you're not very fun, are they?

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Speaker 225 Dad, you take a buana noticeable, si nos cambiamos a verizen nos dan cuatro lines por expressio de 3.

Speaker 226 Die verdad, es comos y la cuarta linea pora gratis, ok, una paramí otra para tú mama, una para tí y la cuarta para.

Speaker 227 Para mino bio?

Speaker 19 Excuse me?

Speaker 225 Dad, mira, quiero está en contacto con el todo altiempo. Astan las

Speaker 223 No important.

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Speaker 158 I also.

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Speaker 15 MyPlan. Visita tutinda Verizon in in San Francisco.
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Speaker 96 Wonderful.

Speaker 118 Ed, I've enjoyed all of these recorded clips so much.

Speaker 28 All this me and you in the studio, the great Benito there, our guest done in a little private studio recording episodes.

Speaker 36 Loads of fun, obviously.

Speaker 93 But also, every now and again we spank the planks

Speaker 73 i beg your pardon we get on a stage

Speaker 1 we tread the boards that yeah tread the boards i think is the phrase not spank the planks i think that's something different i think it's spank the planks we just for for any tabloid who are listening me and james have never got together and spank the planks we have in front of people no many people sold out crowd watch us spank the planks together We perform two live off menu shows this year in London and of course Montreal.

Speaker 95 Here's Chris Red in Montreal and a load of absolute crazy folk at the Christmas dinner party in London.

Speaker 11 No, I like hard seltzer. Hard seltzers are fun.
I've got into hard seltzer. Hard seltzers are fun because I like how I feel.
Yeah, that's a fun feeling, right? Yeah, yeah. But that's a party though.

Speaker 11 That's a real party. La croix? Fuck you.

Speaker 11 Don't like it.

Speaker 11 Get too many flavours and they all suck.

Speaker 11 And the flavour's too slight as well. It's only just

Speaker 11 like a whisper of fruit in the background. And you're like, have some conviction.
Taste like that. It's like, you didn't put the fruit in there.
You put the fruit by it.

Speaker 11 It's like the same thing. You introduce the fruit to it.
You're like, Mr. Raspberry, this is sparkling water.
And goodbye, Mr. Raspberry.

Speaker 11 More bubbles, please.

Speaker 11 I'd like to hear more about this, Mr. Raspberry.
Mr. Raspberry.
Yeah.

Speaker 11 He's a good guy, Mr. Raspberry.
Yeah, tell us more about Mr. Raspberry.

Speaker 11 What kind of a person, what aspirations do they have?

Speaker 11 Do they have any family? It's lovely of you to switch to they, just in case Mr. Raspberry's pronounced with them.
You never know when Mr. Rasbury is going away.

Speaker 11 He goes with Mr., so I think we can assume he's him. But he's good,

Speaker 11 broadly very nice, but also he fucking hates Mrs. Strawberry.

Speaker 11 He hates Mr. Strawberry.
Because Mrs. Strawberry's had the limelight for too long.
I mean, you've said lime now, that's confusing.

Speaker 11 Mrs. Strawberry's a bad bitch, I will say that.
Like,

Speaker 11 she holds it down, she stays grounded, you know.

Speaker 11 But half the year, Mrs. Strawberry does not taste nice.
Nah, man, she's in a bad mood, dog.

Speaker 11 You ever had Miss Strawberry when she ain't right? Yeah. Ugh.

Speaker 11 I asked you that like I was going to say more.

Speaker 11 And I just thought about it in my head. I was like, ugh.
And that was it.

Speaker 11 But yeah, that's it. Yeah, she's not good.
But Mr. Raspberry, he knows his time's coming, I think.
Yeah. Yeah.

Speaker 11 Are we Raspberry fans in the house?

Speaker 11 I mean, what do you even use a raspberry for?

Speaker 11 Cheesecake. Jam cheesecake.
Someone said cheesecake. It's so funny.
I knew I was joking and I was laughing and she looked like...

Speaker 11 It's serious stuff.

Speaker 11 I don't like the little hairs on raspberries, though. Like little hair on the little hair.
I don't like that. That's creepy.
I've shaved on raspberries.

Speaker 11 This whole thing

Speaker 11 making raspers feel that they have to shave is not cool, man. But I also don't let raspberry going through puberty in front of my face.

Speaker 11 In front of your face? Yeah.

Speaker 11 Right.

Speaker 11 It is as though it's proper, like, there's like teenage stubble on a raspberry, isn't it? You want it to grow like a proper beard. Oh, this is getting disgusting.
Is it disgusting?

Speaker 11 Yeah, you sound like a pedophile.

Speaker 11 Man. I don't even know you are

Speaker 11 a specific way.

Speaker 157 Sounds bad.

Speaker 11 I've honestly ignored raspberries like pretty much my whole life. Yeah.
It's all.

Speaker 11 Now we've personified the raspberry. There's real emotion here.

Speaker 11 She's going to go to the grocery store like, I love you.

Speaker 11 Ma'am, are you going to buy those? No.

Speaker 11 Would you not buy a punnet of raspberries? He wouldn't go and buy a punnet.

Speaker 11 What?

Speaker 11 Yeah.

Speaker 11 As soon as you said that, I was like, I can't really even imagine Chris Red saying one punnet of raspberries, please. Yo, let me get one punnet, man.

Speaker 11 I said punnette. Let me get your manager, dog.

Speaker 11 So I'm in here trying to get one punnet, right?

Speaker 11 And this nigga talking shit.

Speaker 11 And the raspberries getting old. She's cuddling them.

Speaker 11 Give me a punnet.

Speaker 11 I'm going to use it today. Yeah.

Speaker 11 Just a box of raspberries, basically. Yeah, just a box of rice.
Yeah, that's bigger than context clues.

Speaker 11 No, I was stupid for a very long time. And I had smart friends, and they would say shit.
I'm like, mm-hmm.

Speaker 11 And in my head, you have to deduce. I think that's the right word.
Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah.
Deduce is so close to do-do. And so you don't know.

Speaker 11 Anyway.

Speaker 11 So you wouldn't buy a punnet of you wouldn't go and buy a punnet of raspberries. No, but I buy a punnet of grapes, though.
Yeah. Yeah.
Yeah.

Speaker 11 That's a good punnet food. Yeah, I like a little punnet of grapes, a little punnet of strawberries.
How quickly would you go through a punnet of grapes? Oh, shit.

Speaker 11 Yeah.

Speaker 11 20 minutes. Wow.

Speaker 11 I mean, I eat like fruit all the time, though. I like it.
Well, how quick would you go for a punnet of strawberries? Let's say you go to a food fair and there's a load of different like... Huh?

Speaker 11 Do you mean a supermarket? No, no.

Speaker 11 No, no, no. So you mean like a supermarket outside?

Speaker 11 No, no you're going to like a county fair where there's like there's loads of different stuff happening there's like a guy on the a dunk tank do you think do you think chris is from oklahoma

Speaker 11 a dunk tank yeah like on a stall and they throw the ball and it hits the thing and then they go like a carnival yeah yeah yeah so you're like a it's like a more twee quite whimsical version like a food fair and

Speaker 11 there's some food eating contests yeah and they're all punnet based and

Speaker 11 are you going to enter... Do you fancy your chances more in the

Speaker 11 Punnet of Grapes eating contest or a Punnet of Strawberries eating contest? Which are you going to enter?

Speaker 11 I don't know why you doubt my questions before I get to the end of them.

Speaker 11 No, it's a very

Speaker 11 fun question. And we ask this to everyone, Chris.

Speaker 11 I would do a Punnet of

Speaker 11 Strawberries. You think you could eat them quicker? Yeah, probably.

Speaker 11 If you were racing through the strawberries, would you eat the green bit to save time? If I had to, but I'd be fighting not to, though. Yeah.

Speaker 11 Because you can just grab them quick, you know what I'm saying? Yeah, yeah.

Speaker 11 How big are these strawberries, though? Are they like the monster strawberries? Well, it depends what time of year it is. It depends what mood Mrs.
Strawberry's in, right? That's true.

Speaker 11 When they're out of season, I think they're probably a bit bigger and a bit more watery. Yeah, yeah, yeah.
And you want the sort of small, intense, sweet ones to just.

Speaker 11 But those are great. Yeah.
I like those a lot. The other the big ones look like the a teenage mutant total experiment that went wrong.

Speaker 11 Yeah, yeah, it's like started growing the arms like never mind, you know

Speaker 11 But do you want for your dream meal Will as your waiter to go free kids nice guy If it's a dream meal do you want the best waiter you've ever had Will no, I want I want Will to have a day off with his family

Speaker 11 I warms the heart Yeah, yeah, yeah, I mean, I do want to wait a motherfucker, but like not will. Not Will.
Yeah. Because if it's my dream meal, I don't really give a fuck about the the waiter.
Yeah.

Speaker 11 I'm about to eat. You know what I mean?

Speaker 11 But you do specifically want Will to have a nice day off of his family while you're having the meal.

Speaker 11 Absolutely. Yeah.
So as you're having the oysters, what are you imagining Will's doing?

Speaker 11 Well, he was a stout white man, so I think he was running through a field.

Speaker 11 Golden Retriever's three kids, Benjamin, Ben, Stacey,

Speaker 11 And his lovely wife's on a blanket. Checkered.
You know what I mean? A checkered blanket. A good blanket.
Yeah, she has wine and sippy cup. Stacy's three.

Speaker 11 I haven't thought about this at all.

Speaker 11 The kids are called lovely. Benjamin, Ben.

Speaker 11 But that's short for Benito, I believe. It is.
It is short for Benito.

Speaker 11 But it's Benjamin, Ben, and Stacy.

Speaker 11 The three white names you can think of, Benjamin, Ben, and Stacy.

Speaker 11 And the two Ben's that I'm thinking of are blacks.

Speaker 11 And they're frolicking, man. They're frolicking.
It seems like he has a frolicking family, dog. You ever seen a family be like, they frolic.

Speaker 11 No. Their motherfuckers frolic.
If they had some grass and space, they frolic their ass off. Yeah, the Von Traps, they were very friendly.

Speaker 11 They sound like they frolic. Yeah, yeah, they frolic.

Speaker 11 Not the Adams family. No, they're not frolic.

Speaker 11 They look at people frolly like, y'all gonna be dead soon. You know what I'm saying? Yeah, yeah.
Yeah, yeah. Do you frolic, Chris?

Speaker 19 Nigga, what?

Speaker 11 You heard. You heard what I said.

Speaker 11 I wouldn't even know where to begin.

Speaker 11 So if we put you in a field,

Speaker 11 which you shouldn't, because there's a history of that.

Speaker 11 James, you're going to have to take over for the rest of the episode.

Speaker 11 You're welcome, Martin Luther King.

Speaker 11 If you didn't say it, I would have, of course.

Speaker 11 If I saw a field, I just don't know what would in...

Speaker 11 I need to be inspired. And I don't know what could happen in my life that would make me frolic.

Speaker 186 Yeah.

Speaker 11 You know what I mean? Like, maybe, would you frolic through a shopping mall?

Speaker 11 No.

Speaker 11 But I guess you need other people there to frolic, right? You can't solo frolic. You can't solo frolic, you know?

Speaker 11 It's not like a fucking tree that falls in the woods or whatever the fuck that saying is.

Speaker 11 You gotta frolic with a squad, I think. I don't know much about frolicking, though.
Do you have a dream frolic squad? Ah, give us your frolic squad.

Speaker 11 Alright.

Speaker 11 So if I was frolicking, right,

Speaker 11 I show up to the field in a Benz with Ben and Benjamin. They're grown now.

Speaker 11 So they be there, Tupac's there, right? Yeah.

Speaker 11 Yeah, he's like, yo, what we doing? I'm like, frolicking. He's like, all right.

Speaker 11 He's very down. Yeah.

Speaker 11 Dr. Dre's there somewhere.
Somewhere. Yeah, we pick him up along the way.
Yeah.

Speaker 11 We get to frolicking, because because i want it to be an adventure yeah you know what i'm saying yeah yeah so it's it's like we all starts me tupac pen benjamin uh a couple couple chicks from jay-z's big pimping video

Speaker 11 and madonna um is dre frolicking or are you just like are you gonna just frolic dream about dream dre's doing you have you ever had a friend that's like hanging out with you while y'all doing an activity but they ain't all the way into it yeah that's what dre doing yeah

Speaker 11 so like we're frolicking and he's just like y'all niggas stupid you know walking behind but he's still into into it. Picking flowers, smelling butterflies.

Speaker 11 But just to be clear,

Speaker 11 you would frolic

Speaker 11 just about

Speaker 154 Dre.

Speaker 11 No, no, no, no. We would frolic.
We're frolicking down a we're frolicking down a fucking field. We're going on a mission.
You know what I mean? So Dre's coming with us. Yeah.
But like,

Speaker 11 I feel like nowadays. Yeah.

Speaker 11 Yo, everybody, you want to talk?

Speaker 11 I got something to say.

Speaker 11 Nothing comes.

Speaker 11 Would you frolic about Dragon?

Speaker 11 Would I frolic about him? Yeah, just about in the vicinity of him.

Speaker 11 Oh, yeah, like to collect him? Just about.

Speaker 11 I mean, I guess for a second,

Speaker 11 we frolic about. I guess you gotta,

Speaker 11 if you're frolicking, if you see somebody in your frolicking path, you gotta like frolic around, like, can't join us, you know? Yeah, but if you do it for too long, it feels aggressive, right?

Speaker 11 If you frolic around someone, it feels

Speaker 11 Dre's big. I feel like if we did it for too long, he'd just knock us all out.
You know what I mean? Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Speaker 11 Yeah, it was just before a second.

Speaker 11 I don't want to frolic about Dr. Dre too much.
Yeah.

Speaker 11 I think that's a good frolic squad. Yeah? Yeah, that's a very strong frolic squad.

Speaker 11 You know, I think so, too.

Speaker 11 And Joe Biden, because I would like to see people,

Speaker 11 you know, I would like to see people see him frolic. I think that would fucking shock the world, dog.

Speaker 11 They'd be like, you know what? We don't even need to fix these other problems. But how quickly would he fall over if you guys were

Speaker 11 down there? You got to be careful with that.

Speaker 11 I think it's an either-or situation, baby. I think he's either falling or he's frolic.

Speaker 11 He's just killing that shit. We're like, what?

Speaker 11 That's my present.

Speaker 11 Nah, I hope you sleep.

Speaker 18 So you've got a granddad at your Christmas party.

Speaker 202 Yeah, that's false.

Speaker 157 You know what I mean?

Speaker 164 I've always needed a nice granddad at the Christmas party.

Speaker 18 Do you just want me to snore?

Speaker 181 You're just here to provide some sort of audio atmosphere, Bob, to be honest.

Speaker 164 Is that what your Christmas party is usually like, Bob?

Speaker 18 Yeah, just watching old men snore.

Speaker 106 Just

Speaker 22 go around the backs of houses, look through the windows,

Speaker 161 tick it off, a ginger,

Speaker 21 wall bet,

Speaker 186 whatever.

Speaker 18 Yeah, those old guys can snore.

Speaker 159 They can. They could.

Speaker 18 I thought that I was going to be doing like a Christmas menu, but that's not.

Speaker 223 No, unless you want to talk about your Christmas menu, but there's so many memories from the episode that you did that people would want updates on.

Speaker 223 I would love to know how many Odeon cinema hot dogs you've eaten since we last saw you.

Speaker 18 I haven't been to Odeon,

Speaker 18 but my son Ari

Speaker 18 found.

Speaker 18 Is there a supermarket in London called Farm Fresh or something?

Speaker 23 Farm Fresh.

Speaker 23 Whole Foods, Whole Foods.

Speaker 224 Well, that's very different to Farm Fresh, guys, I'll be honest with you.

Speaker 172 You've literally picked the two opposite ends of the spectrum, no?

Speaker 23 I'm guessing farm foods is.

Speaker 181 Yeah, farm foods are not great, I'd say.

Speaker 190 Whole foods is the most expensive supermarket in the the country.

Speaker 18 You can't get snobby about these things. Do you spend much time in B ⁇ M?

Speaker 210 What's that?

Speaker 18 What a shock, ladies and gentlemen, though, innit?

Speaker 18 You know what? You go into BMN, B ⁇ M, B ⁇ M, James, and you discover that they do orange DMs. Diams?

Speaker 186 Oh, Diam's.

Speaker 151 Yeah, Diams.

Speaker 233 Dimes, Diames.

Speaker 163 Dargo with Dimes.

Speaker 194 Diamonds? Yeah.

Speaker 155 Diamonds.

Speaker 164 But we had this when Bob was on the podcast.

Speaker 223 They're spelled the ones that you see are D-A-I-M.

Speaker 20 Do I i see different ones

Speaker 190 it's like how cats say in black and white you know we're all

Speaker 212 well maybe they're available anywhere but i've i had my first nando's tonight yeah so this is bad news

Speaker 18 i've just had it i understand what the fuss is about was it nice juicy juicy yeah one yeah yeah um yes yeah and it's it's quite tart you know spicy yeah and the chips are pretty good aren't they yeah good chips but when i asked you what what you were ordering from Nando's, what did you say, Bob?

Speaker 234 A number two.

Speaker 217 The second Nando's of the evening.

Speaker 186 But you're too late, sir.

Speaker 33 No, there's always a cue when Blue Water, when I go Blue Water.

Speaker 178 Oh, yeah, Blue Water.

Speaker 41 I understand now.

Speaker 18 I've got a Toby Carberry gold card.

Speaker 37 Did I tell you that?

Speaker 236 No.

Speaker 160 No, you just cube.

Speaker 188 You didn't tell us that, and congratulations on being alive still.

Speaker 203 Still being alive.

Speaker 188 Anyone have the Toby Carberry gold gold card?

Speaker 186 That's the one way to get to the mall.

Speaker 172 Does that mean, what does that mean?

Speaker 224 Because it's already unlimited salad.

Speaker 190 Does that mean free Toby Carverie?

Speaker 232 Free up to £100.

Speaker 19 Only...

Speaker 18 But that's a month.

Speaker 210 Oh, okay, £100 a month.

Speaker 18 It's not quite the gold card,

Speaker 193 but... You've got a voucher, Bob.

Speaker 224 Yeah.

Speaker 32 Yeah.

Speaker 161 How much are you paying for it?

Speaker 19 I've got a hard voucher.

Speaker 231 A small hard voucher So yeah

Speaker 1 what's your how do you if you're using the gold card How do you hit up Toby Carvery? What's your route round the Toby Carvery?

Speaker 18 Well go to the Calvery

Speaker 131 No, sorry, I'm not being facetious

Speaker 224 what are you picking up from the Calvery?

Speaker 71 Well you if you if you get two meats

Speaker 18 you get four slices of meat. Yeah.
If you get three meats you get three.

Speaker 18 So that's just a little little tip if you're a Toby cat.

Speaker 18 So you should always go for two meats.

Speaker 224 Toby jugs out there.

Speaker 18 And a large plate, get the orchestra pudding, and then on to the gravy station

Speaker 215 for a short prayer

Speaker 231 before dining.

Speaker 19 Do don't you do?

Speaker 161 Why? Um, why?

Speaker 186 No.

Speaker 79 No, batted and meat.

Speaker 164 Yes.

Speaker 79 So you're saying two meats of four.

Speaker 90 Four slices.

Speaker 92 That's eight slices

Speaker 101 of three

Speaker 134 of three.

Speaker 208 That's nice.

Speaker 139 No. No.
No,

Speaker 190 you've wilfully misunderstood that, Rosie.

Speaker 213 Also,

Speaker 164 you've completely overestimated the Jojo Carberry there.

Speaker 217 Also, clearly, what was happening was you were listening and then you started looking at the crisps and you got distracted.

Speaker 190 Two meats is four slices in total.

Speaker 41 Am I correct, Bob?

Speaker 190 Two slices of each meat.

Speaker 236 Not you, man.

Speaker 54 Yeah, yeah.

Speaker 188 You thought, Bob men, that if you get two meats, you get two of each meat.

Speaker 131 If you get three meats, you get three of each meat.

Speaker 164 And you were looking at all of us like, why do you think that's a better deal?

Speaker 79 Basically,

Speaker 19 I want nine

Speaker 151 slices.

Speaker 222 Is there a way you can get nine slices, Bob?

Speaker 230 Are there nine meats?

Speaker 186 Yeah.

Speaker 156 We asked a big question.

Speaker 210 I mean, it's huge.

Speaker 187 It's a huge question.

Speaker 17 Bob, how many of you have a future?

Speaker 190 Now you've misunderstood your own question.

Speaker 69 How many did you name?

Speaker 175 Bob said something.

Speaker 229 No one said there were nine meats.

Speaker 231 Saying three meats.

Speaker 22 Three.

Speaker 47 But please, I'd love us to name nine meats.

Speaker 235 Let's see if Bob can do it.

Speaker 79 I think we could.

Speaker 224 Is it off full of meat?

Speaker 18 Do you include the offals?

Speaker 190 Can you slice offal?

Speaker 238 You slice liver for sure yeah um oh wait how are we delineating this are we delineating it by animal or by cut and meat oh no i have to be animal i have to be animal

Speaker 190 whilst we're on offal uh bob you talked about tongue uh quite a lot on your off menu i do like hock's tongue yeah yeah and uh a butcher sent me a tongue right you lucky lads off the back of that i'm a real influencer now i've got a massive tongue through the post

Speaker 172 it's a very sad story actually a butcher kidnapped Ed's wife

Speaker 237 It's still in the freezer.

Speaker 157 Yeah.

Speaker 156 Good luck to her.

Speaker 17 So nine meats.

Speaker 145 Well, there is, isn't there?

Speaker 186 Well, I don't know.

Speaker 203 Not unless you name them.

Speaker 201 How many do you think you could name?

Speaker 200 The chicken meat.

Speaker 163 Chicken. Meat.

Speaker 186 Always, always follow it with meat. Yeah.

Speaker 224 Just in case.

Speaker 210 Your lunch and meat?

Speaker 200 Second.

Speaker 164 Second one.

Speaker 190 Luncheon meat, second. Chicken to luncheon.

Speaker 21 This is unorthodox.

Speaker 223 What animal is luncheon?

Speaker 18 Luncheon's the pig.

Speaker 131 Pig meat.

Speaker 181 So,

Speaker 156 are we going to say pork?

Speaker 186 Pork, yeah.

Speaker 48 Pork meat.

Speaker 232 Is that separate to luncheon meat?

Speaker 18 Well, if you're not given it, I'm fine with that. It's a tinned meat.
Are there nine tinned meats?

Speaker 236 Pork, pig.

Speaker 186 No, they're the same.

Speaker 215 Sorry,

Speaker 156 I feel like.

Speaker 164 Yeah, the old pork pig, the pork pig.

Speaker 186 Pork pig, hog.

Speaker 17 Oinker.

Speaker 231 I think that...

Speaker 213 Right into the mic.

Speaker 190 You're right into the mic, right, dear.

Speaker 203 Anyone else?

Speaker 186 We don't have any game of pork, pig, hog here.

Speaker 35 If you don't mind.

Speaker 210 Chicken. You go pork and chicken, sorry.

Speaker 215 Oh, we're going ahead with this.

Speaker 22 Yes.

Speaker 17 We're playing nine meats, you know.

Speaker 231 Chicken, cow, pig, lamb,

Speaker 18 lamb and sheep, similar, very similar, niche, at least.

Speaker 214 Listen,

Speaker 238 the lamb is a young sheep, so I don't know what I don't understand the parameters of the game, but I'm gonna hazard a guess

Speaker 214 that they're not gonna allow lamb and sheep.

Speaker 164 No, well, mutton. Are you gonna go mutton, mutton, niche?

Speaker 18 Can you name nine animals that you can slice?

Speaker 234 One thing

Speaker 172 is supposed to have a baby.

Speaker 160 That's essentially it, yeah.

Speaker 232 Would you ever, would you ever go up to a horse,

Speaker 18 give it a stroke, and then bite a chunk of the meat off it?

Speaker 162 Yeah.

Speaker 19 Yeah, I've done. Yeah.

Speaker 18 Let's stop talking about meat.

Speaker 210 Well, unless you want to talk about processed meats.

Speaker 186 Or pocket meats.

Speaker 18 I won processed meat man of the year last year.

Speaker 215 I've got a trophy and everything that came to the pod.

Speaker 193 What's it made of?

Speaker 18 For advocating processed meat. I suppose because of your podcast.

Speaker 156 Right, so you won an award because of the pod, because you advocated for processed meats.

Speaker 186 Yeah.

Speaker 182 And then you won processed meat man of the year.

Speaker 186 Yeah.

Speaker 146 It's rather beautiful tofu, I think.

Speaker 203 Yeah, yeah.

Speaker 8 Bob, to be fair, I'd

Speaker 224 take that as a

Speaker 190 huge compliment, but I think you have talked about pocket meats on various platforms.

Speaker 18 Yeah, but a pocket meat's not necessarily a processed meat. The finest pocket meat is a chicken or a sliced ham, of course.

Speaker 35 Pepper Army and the like are the easiest, but you know, go the extra mile.

Speaker 214 Those are top pocket meats.

Speaker 210 Or the little coin pocket.

Speaker 186 Yeah, yeah, the little coin pocket.

Speaker 18 Pepper army's nice inside pocket, isn't it?

Speaker 213 Oh, that's an IPM if I've ever heard one.

Speaker 131 The 9pm sausage.

Speaker 217 That's an IPM, an inside pocket meet.

Speaker 186 I've immediately created an acronym for my own amusement there, Bob.

Speaker 236 I thought you said 9pm meet.

Speaker 181 It is the perfect 9pm meat, isn't it?

Speaker 69 Yeah, yeah.

Speaker 186 Oh, it's 9pm somewhere.

Speaker 18 It could become a habit.

Speaker 231 Watch out.

Speaker 203 Well, that's good you won that trophy.

Speaker 118 It is good. I'm very proud of you for doing that.

Speaker 201 Did Nish come last in that when you won it?

Speaker 41 Why would I come last?

Speaker 18 When Bob won it. The person who was

Speaker 214 you're making a Taskmaster dig.

Speaker 21 Oh, sorry, was I? That's the first time.

Speaker 215 Did you come last in Taskmaster?

Speaker 217 Yeah, I came last in your Taskmaster.

Speaker 235 Bob.

Speaker 1 Oh, God.

Speaker 236 Oh, no.

Speaker 236 No, you'd come last, Nish.

Speaker 224 Bob doesn't even remember that Nish was on the series.

Speaker 164 The Willie's Pie of Taskmaster.

Speaker 213 Nish Kumar.

Speaker 190 Every time Nish's task came on, cut to Bob, he's eating a pepperoni out of his inside pocket.

Speaker 224 It's 9pm somewhere.

Speaker 214 I came last, and that's why James is getting a dig in.

Speaker 222 I'm just asking if Nish came last in the processed meat competition.

Speaker 214 Look at my body type. Do I look like I would come last in a processed meat competition, James? I'd come a creditable silver and be honoured to follow Bob Mortimer.

Speaker 223 They were just comedians who won that award.

Speaker 233 Was there a ceremony?

Speaker 18 No, it literally just came through the post.

Speaker 18 I promise you there was no, you know.

Speaker 229 There was no heads up.

Speaker 186 I suppose they hope you're going to

Speaker 8 photograph it

Speaker 18 and, you know, give them publicity processed meats. But it's just generic.

Speaker 123 It wouldn't have been any particular meat,

Speaker 1 processed meat.

Speaker 18 You shouldn't eat processed anything, should you, really?

Speaker 41 I think that's... Oh,

Speaker 186 like that trophy away.

Speaker 202 Whoa, whoa, whoa.

Speaker 217 I think you should only eat processed meat.

Speaker 217 Tomorrow is the knock on Bob's door.

Speaker 155 Thank you.

Speaker 195 Bob,

Speaker 198 is it good to be alive, son?

Speaker 230 Yeah.

Speaker 18 You've asked that of your oldest guest.

Speaker 210 I suppose that is appropriate.

Speaker 222 Well, it's what you like to say to your son when you mix the mustard and the ketchup sauce.

Speaker 214 You mix the mustard and the ketchup sauce on the odd and cinema hot dog and you say it's good to be alive i imagine if bob didn't remember that that was a very harsh thing to say

Speaker 188 yeah i mean i was mortified but i saw the look in your eyes quite a lot of sadness there and you made it go so quiet as well yeah bob is it good to be alive is it good to be alive i felt like i was counting every day you know

Speaker 18 it's um i was saying so what just in case just to finish that up at whole foods is it whole Foods?

Speaker 239 Oh, yeah, sorry.

Speaker 18 They've got a replica, um, a hot dog sausage that is as good as it's German, and it is as good as the Odian one, I reckon.

Speaker 18 Because I haven't beaten the cinema since off-menu.

Speaker 41 Have you not? Not been, no.

Speaker 223 Is that because you discovered podcasts and don't need films anymore?

Speaker 18 I don't know why I haven't been really. I stopped during the pandemic, um, and my son's left home.

Speaker 29 I know, and the water's there's no water in Tunbridge Wells at the moment.

Speaker 89 Been off for five days.

Speaker 54 What?

Speaker 50 No!

Speaker 186 Yeah.

Speaker 41 No water.

Speaker 232 Five days.

Speaker 18 So yeah, when you say I'm a glad to be alive, I'm not so sure.

Speaker 203 I could go either way on that.

Speaker 164 Oh, Bob, I didn't know things were that bad.

Speaker 190 So no one's letting you swell their hot dog of mustard if you've got no water in Tunbridge Wells.

Speaker 210 Got no water?

Speaker 18 I'm not using mustard instead.

Speaker 20 Is that what you mean?

Speaker 222 If you had to use a condiment to wash.

Speaker 160 Great question.

Speaker 239 You've got to pick one condiment to wash in, whoa, maybe for the rest of your life.

Speaker 18 Am I washing my entire body, your face?

Speaker 201 Your entire body, your face, and everything below.

Speaker 234 My teal.

Speaker 201 And everything behind the face.

Speaker 190 And

Speaker 190 you can't avoid anything.

Speaker 18 What's behind your face, James? Your mind?

Speaker 215 Is that what you're thinking?

Speaker 188 Back of the skull, back of the skull.

Speaker 239 All the way down.

Speaker 108 I either that was the deal breaker in your mind.

Speaker 231 And before you start trying to get out of it, back of the head as well.

Speaker 186 Yeah.

Speaker 162 Isn't that easy?

Speaker 131 Is it easy for you? Yeah.

Speaker 21 What condiment you'd washing?

Speaker 190 Hold your answer, Rosie.

Speaker 181 Bob, which condiment would you wash your full body with and you're not allowed to avoid any bits of your body?

Speaker 175 Well, the first thing I thought of, I'd probably select it is

Speaker 123 white vinegar.

Speaker 222 What were you gonna say?

Speaker 201 I think. Would you, Rosie?

Speaker 22 I think. Yeah, and that is so easy.

Speaker 79 I'll go for beneath it, cause you get a little

Speaker 90 tingle.

Speaker 210 You would, especially around the anise.

Speaker 18 I can't think of another liquid condiment, soy sauce,

Speaker 216 um, ketchup, mustard, mustard,

Speaker 140 you know what I try George Bartholese

Speaker 164 yeah if you want a bit of a tingle

Speaker 33 I'll send you to the moon

Speaker 214 I think Dijon mustard would be quite exfoliating yeah yeah yeah that's true being nice and whole grain Whole grain

Speaker 163 yeah don't use the DiGrave yeah the whole grain yeah well done on picking that up actually no problem

Speaker 163 I do bambi

Speaker 79 with

Speaker 79 tartar sauce.

Speaker 187 Why?

Speaker 186 Why not?

Speaker 213 Apologies.

Speaker 234 I do my whole lower body in tartar sauce.

Speaker 163 I'm going to feel like a merman.

Speaker 160 Tartar sauce. Hang on.
What?

Speaker 162 What?

Speaker 162 What?

Speaker 232 You think fish like being slathered in tartar sauce?

Speaker 35 What are you thinking? If

Speaker 163 my bottom half covered in tartar sauce, I'd feel like a fish.

Speaker 199 But if my top half isn't, I'd feel like a man.

Speaker 188 And so

Speaker 54 top half of a man, bottom half fish.

Speaker 187 Google it. I'm a merman.

Speaker 23 I think that's right. Google it.

Speaker 172 Google.

Speaker 216 What is bottom half fish, top half man?

Speaker 131 I'll do it in the interval.

Speaker 163 On private browsing.

Speaker 227 Bob, do you remember

Speaker 30 when we were talking about hot dogs and chocolate bars?

Speaker 29 We talked a lot about chocolate bars when you were on as well.

Speaker 30 The Dayam bar was only one of the chocolate bars mentioned. Do you remember your dream fantasy crossover between hot dogs and chocolate?

Speaker 18 That was Mars Bar and Sausage in baguette.

Speaker 18 Did you know, did you, is this coming on? Did you know they cancelled the topic a couple of months ago?

Speaker 172 Bloody cancel culture.

Speaker 217 It's a great biscuit.

Speaker 230 Not made anymore.

Speaker 96 This year.

Speaker 181 There you go. Anyway.

Speaker 190 How often were you having a topic?

Speaker 186 Not often enough, very neglected.

Speaker 18 I think the most underrated chocolate bar is the timeout.

Speaker 91 What do you reckon?

Speaker 55 Yeah,

Speaker 188 I would say...

Speaker 52 It's a decent bar.

Speaker 163 It's a decent bar. I mean,

Speaker 223 I think lion bars are pretty underrated.

Speaker 239 I think they're quite good and don't get enough

Speaker 18 double-deckers.

Speaker 121 Yeah.

Speaker 10 A lot of love for them.

Speaker 18 I think they're the two worst.

Speaker 18 I'm not just being, they're just like, they're a virgin on the savoury. they're difficult.

Speaker 210 Savory, they're in the toppy crisp area, you know.

Speaker 18 Oh, yeah, I remember you said toppy crisp was savory when you put this podcast, but you know, that you know, like a topic is a real indulgence or a caramel, cabbage caramel, yeah, delicious in it though.

Speaker 18 Oh, you know, compared to a double decker, yeah, something to get your teeth into.

Speaker 37 Do you know, do you know who did the voice of the caramel bunny in the advert?

Speaker 201 She had the sexy caramel bunny back in the day, maybe a Margolies.

Speaker 18 Well, I did the Churchill dog,

Speaker 18 yeah, which you can't eat, yeah, It's not a...

Speaker 239 No, you can't eat it.

Speaker 186 Oh, yes.

Speaker 128 That was it.

Speaker 152 I did.

Speaker 190 I've never known you as a competitive man, Bob, but the speed with which you followed up, I did the Churchill dog.

Speaker 21 Well, I did the Churchill dog.

Speaker 231 It's too

Speaker 231 cop.

Speaker 190 Do you remember the caramel advert where the bunny said, never let anyone fuck you up the ass?

Speaker 164 You have to have heard the Miriam Marglies episode of the podcast to understand that.

Speaker 210 Don't worry, Bob.

Speaker 239 Mimi and Marglees came on the podcast and her golden rules for life

Speaker 44 were

Speaker 163 never let anyone fuck you up the bum.

Speaker 131 Do you have golden rules for life, Bob?

Speaker 164 Rules for life.

Speaker 163 Golden rules for life.

Speaker 54 Golden.

Speaker 186 Golden rules.

Speaker 216 Shit.

Speaker 193 Yeah, imagine that.

Speaker 134 Yeah,

Speaker 18 I think that

Speaker 29 it's important that when you're living with other people, that you stay very quiet whilst they're asleep.

Speaker 203 Yeah.

Speaker 18 I hate, you know, I hate I wa you know, people who are wandering around and putting rate, you know, if someone's still asleep, just keep quiet. And I like to turn up on time and all.

Speaker 18 And I like those two because the two things that you'll never get thanked for.

Speaker 186 Do you know what I mean?

Speaker 18 You're not doing it for the thank you. You don't, you don't, when they get up, you don't say to them, I kept quiet

Speaker 18 from inside the trunk.

Speaker 186 You know, I think they're quite nice things to do.

Speaker 38 They're very nice things to do.

Speaker 190 How do you stay? Do you have any tips for staying quiet while other people are asleep?

Speaker 1 Do you have any techniques? Oh, yeah.

Speaker 234 Well, just stare out the window.

Speaker 212 Count stuff.

Speaker 186 Count stuff.

Speaker 18 You do, as you get older, you'll find you do stare a lot more. But you don't necessarily see more.

Speaker 122 Do you know?

Speaker 23 You're just staring.

Speaker 18 And if someone said, what did you say?

Speaker 231 Not so sure

Speaker 18 where the youngster can take it in nish you'd look outside and say a robin bird and the oak tree's beginning to you know yeah done that's a spot-on impression

Speaker 160 says that that's niche the window that's niche it the window all over robin oak tree rosie jones honking a tear

Speaker 223 Just like that, immediately, as soon as you said it, beer down, bam, back to her beer.

Speaker 18 And then you pushed her over.

Speaker 234 Yeah.

Speaker 194 disgraceful.

Speaker 172 Horse shit. Disgraceful.

Speaker 213 Up of the oak tree, right up that oak tree.

Speaker 10 That is

Speaker 159 so weird

Speaker 79 because

Speaker 79 actually

Speaker 79 my golden rulers

Speaker 101 always

Speaker 55 fuck

Speaker 79 me

Speaker 79 and my girlfriend

Speaker 79 up the ass.

Speaker 190 Always is the horrifying word in that sentence for me.

Speaker 164 I'm assuming you mean any time

Speaker 213 whenever you get the chance to have sex with Mimi and Margolis, not just always.

Speaker 160 Where's Rosie?

Speaker 69 Take a guess.

Speaker 190 You know where she is.

Speaker 190 Jim!

Speaker 190 Always.

Speaker 156 Always.

Speaker 164 I love Akaster trying to give her a way out and let her go, no, no, I've said this.

Speaker 224 Always fuck Miriam Margolies up the ass.

Speaker 232 Also breaks two of Bob's golden rules.

Speaker 210 Rosie's late, she's fucking Miriam Margolis up the ass.

Speaker 8 Miriam's trying to sleep.

Speaker 8 And yeah, guys,

Speaker 188 unfortunately, Bob, I am quite not a change.

Speaker 33 if you lived with Rosie Bob

Speaker 223 if you lived with Rosie

Speaker 18 Bigger Mosie would well yeah but would you rather live with Alan Sugar or Alan Shearer?

Speaker 23 Shearer flats for six months.

Speaker 126 Yep.

Speaker 233 Oh that is great.

Speaker 232 Shit Shearer.

Speaker 214 Not even hesitation.

Speaker 163 I mean Shira seems like a decent blow sugar seems like an absolute nightmare.

Speaker 18 Yeah that was a bad one.

Speaker 222 I think it would have to be Shearer, wouldn't it?

Speaker 223 Gotta be Shearer.

Speaker 215 Oh gosh Shira.

Speaker 35 You go sugar.

Speaker 41 I go sugar.

Speaker 164 Ed, you're diabetic.

Speaker 181 It's one of the only sugars I don't have to inject for.

Speaker 224 A couple of big dicks in the

Speaker 37 shearer, I reckon.

Speaker 18 Shearer. Oh, yeah, it's a bad one.
I usually ask it with daytime presenters.

Speaker 26 Yeah.

Speaker 18 Do you know, like Martin from Holmes Under the Amma?

Speaker 151 Yeah, yeah.

Speaker 18 That's a bad one because everyone just says yes

Speaker 126 before you get to the second

Speaker 18 Martin.

Speaker 18 I was just saying, you know,

Speaker 18 what's happened?

Speaker 181 He's got off the rails, is he?

Speaker 18 I don't know, I just genuinely mean that. What has happened?

Speaker 160 I haven't been keeping up

Speaker 160 with

Speaker 160 Martin's

Speaker 60 goings on.

Speaker 215 I have chestnuts at Christmas, just so that could say what I have.

Speaker 22 Just one thing.

Speaker 234 Chestnuts, yeah, yeah, yeah.

Speaker 230 And

Speaker 18 do people still have them?

Speaker 156 Rost chestnuts?

Speaker 233 Do people still have chestnuts at Christmas?

Speaker 18 They're delicious, aren't they? It's getting hard though to get.

Speaker 18 At the moment, the ratio I'm getting is about one good one out of every four.

Speaker 18 It's tough, isn't it?

Speaker 18 Because the bad ones taste like shit, they really do.

Speaker 237 Do you ever buy them off the street vendors?

Speaker 190 You know the chestnut street vendors.

Speaker 18 I never go into the street.

Speaker 234 I'm either in my house or on parkland.

Speaker 164 That's one of my rules.

Speaker 224 The third rule.

Speaker 19 That's what we're all waiting for.

Speaker 19 Never be on the street.

Speaker 18 I don't understand the streets anymore, so it's best to keep

Speaker 47 on the park ladder, yeah.

Speaker 223 What's changed on the streets since back in your day?

Speaker 234 Nobody knows, James, because I've not been on the streets.

Speaker 223 Do you remember what it was that made you go, I can't be on the streets anymore?

Speaker 234 Bloody chestnut sellers.

Speaker 23 They're big fat asses.

Speaker 157 Oh no,

Speaker 230 I couldn't handle it.

Speaker 18 There's not not much to see anymore. There used to be so much to see on the streets.

Speaker 12 Kids with hoops,

Speaker 186 you know,

Speaker 18 kicking a ball around, playing rounders,

Speaker 234 bunting everywhere.

Speaker 186 It's all gone.

Speaker 35 It's all gone now. It's all gone.

Speaker 118 Hello, Tim.

Speaker 240 Hello, James. What's in the back?

Speaker 47 Popadoms.

Speaker 227 How many pop-adoms have you got? Ten.

Speaker 90 Ten.

Speaker 240 Do you want to guess how much they cost?

Speaker 33 Oh, that's a good game.

Speaker 112 Good game.

Speaker 74 Well, just guess then.

Speaker 26 $4.99.

Speaker 54 What? What?

Speaker 51 $4.99 for $7.

Speaker 54 What the fuck are you talking about?

Speaker 210 So

Speaker 240 in the curry house I go to they go, I'll tell you what, I'll do nine of them for 50p apiece.

Speaker 240 And I'll tell you what, I'll throw in a tenth for $49.

Speaker 233 I thought you got them for Martin Spencer's thing.

Speaker 134 Why think anything?

Speaker 188 Good point.

Speaker 23 $250.

Speaker 218 Can I jump in and say something for this podcast? Because I love it dearly and I think there's a genuine genuine love of food and food curiosity.

Speaker 218 And for this audience, may I just say one thing?

Speaker 51 Yes.

Speaker 218 For the people listening to this, it's fine if you want to call them papa dums.

Speaker 54 Ah.

Speaker 218 I don't mind. I think it's fine because that is the English word.

Speaker 54 Can we have an alternative?

Speaker 218 So, no, not the alternative, the correct.

Speaker 218 So for those of you who are like, oh, I like this food so much, I eat papa dums all the time,

Speaker 218 just do yourself a favor and call them the real thing, you know. It's papad.

Speaker 54 CRISPR.

Speaker 41 P-A-P-A-D.

Speaker 218 It's just, it's just papad. And you can't say

Speaker 218 because that's a sound only South Asians can make, but just say papad.

Speaker 218 Because here's the thing: when you, when I see British people love papad papad, and then they say papa dumb, and I'm like, oh, because I feel bad for them.

Speaker 23 Yeah.

Speaker 218 So just everyone on this podcast, just say papad or in your head, just think it, say, it's popular, but I know it's papa.

Speaker 8 Yes, I'll be honest with you, Cindy.

Speaker 1 You said this when you came on the podcast, and it was too late to change the catchphrase.

Speaker 190 And then we went to America, and no one understood what the fuck we were saying anyway.

Speaker 218 But that's America, they don't understand. Fuck all.

Speaker 218 They don't even understand who to get for president. They got that lunatic.
Fuck them.

Speaker 160 Just

Speaker 160 like Joe Biden.

Speaker 224 It's Papa.

Speaker 242 Wait, so we added on the Dom.

Speaker 207 No, first of all, you put a O in it, pop.

Speaker 218 Pop. Pop or dom.
It's like what?

Speaker 218 It's like if I call bread bodha bodha.

Speaker 157 Bread is not boda boda. It's red.

Speaker 153 What's the old for red?

Speaker 188 How about this?

Speaker 160 I.

Speaker 224 How about this?

Speaker 240 How about this, James? There's no downsides to it.

Speaker 181 How about you just fucking do it?

Speaker 186 Where's the downsides?

Speaker 156 Poppad or bread?

Speaker 54 Yeah, poppard.

Speaker 118 Perfect.

Speaker 27 But what if I said poppad or buddha buddha?

Speaker 39 Yeah, fine.

Speaker 186 But you know what?

Speaker 218 I just want to make it very clear. I'm saying this from a place of true sort of love for people who love food.
You know what I mean? Like my kids make fun of me. They say, oh,

Speaker 218 when you speak to your Italian friend, instead of calling him Lorenzo, you're like Lorenzo. They make fun of me.
And I'm not asking you to be that weird guy.

Speaker 218 I'm just saying for us who know, just say papad.

Speaker 41 No, there's no downside.

Speaker 186 I'll tell you what.

Speaker 157 Or start calling bread whatever.

Speaker 162 Okay, but

Speaker 1 I would feel like a total dick in an Indian restaurant if I looked at the menu that says popadom and look at the waiter and go, Three papad, please.

Speaker 218 No, because you know what the Indian guy is going to be thinking? Hella fucking Luya.

Speaker 218 Finally, somebody.

Speaker 227 Well, I promise you, Cindy, this is a promise now.

Speaker 30 We've recorded quite a few episodes for the next series.

Speaker 27 But the next episode we record, I will say papad or bread to them.

Speaker 41 I'll shout that. Great.

Speaker 164 And we will see how it goes.

Speaker 22 Say how it goes.

Speaker 117 I promise you, I will do it the next episode.

Speaker 1 And we'll see how it goes.

Speaker 218 Because saying a word the way that it's supposed to be said and it's not your language is not always something that's done with an intention outside of love for that thing, you know?

Speaker 218 And I think we know you love Papar.

Speaker 96 Yes.

Speaker 218 So say it, Papur, and that's fine. And anyone who doesn't like it can fuck off.

Speaker 218 Yeah.

Speaker 175 Anyway, that's what I brought along.

Speaker 242 Can I just jump in on behalf of Zimbabwe?

Speaker 242 You know when you say still or sparkling?

Speaker 163 Oh, Jesus Christ.

Speaker 242 Just call it what it is, yeah? Still,

Speaker 242 and then as Zimbabwe's would say, maniac water.

Speaker 210 Maniac water?

Speaker 156 Maniac water.

Speaker 33 I'll do that.

Speaker 113 You have my word, would you?

Speaker 172 The next episode we record.

Speaker 190 This is genuinely like a Christmas tree.

Speaker 210 Do you want to add in your culture?

Speaker 157 Yeah, I would like to add something from my culture, James.

Speaker 183 Yeah.

Speaker 224 When you say starter, we tend to say hors d'oeuvre.

Speaker 23 Au fucking d'oeuvre.

Speaker 240 There's no downside.

Speaker 1 Just get it fucking right.

Speaker 232 Welcome to the show, Tim.

Speaker 1 Thanks for having me.

Speaker 190 For a minute there, it felt like you genuinely turned up to a Christmas party late and you just stood in the corner with your first drink while people had an argument

Speaker 67 for two and a half hours.

Speaker 200 Do you like Christmas, Tim?

Speaker 134 Yeah.

Speaker 134 Do you like it?

Speaker 224 What's your problem with Christmas? Huh?

Speaker 84 What's your problem with Christmas?

Speaker 186 No problem, no problem.

Speaker 27 We unveil the poppadot.

Speaker 23 A veil?

Speaker 54 Unveil them.

Speaker 133 Unveil.

Speaker 115 Yes.

Speaker 218 But, Ed, do you like Christmas?

Speaker 54 I love Christmas. Yeah.
I never got Christmas.

Speaker 218 I'm about to get to you. Relax.

Speaker 157 Did you like Christmas?

Speaker 190 I'll be honest, there wasn't much of a fucking gap in your bit.

Speaker 218 Do you like Christmas?

Speaker 54 Yeah.

Speaker 243 Yeah, do you like Christmas?

Speaker 179 It's okay.

Speaker 218 It's okay. Good.
But we all are on the okay side of Christmas.

Speaker 44 Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. I like it.

Speaker 9 Yeah, it's not.

Speaker 41 I like Christmas. Tim,

Speaker 190 what bag did you bring your pop-adoms in there?

Speaker 96 Your paper bag?

Speaker 51 It says Jojo Maman Bepe.

Speaker 224 Yeah.

Speaker 190 So just in case anyone doesn't know what that shop is, it's Maternity, Baby and Child, Nursery and Toys.

Speaker 232 They sell pop-adoms.

Speaker 186 What's the story?

Speaker 223 What's the story behind that bag, Tim?

Speaker 118 What you got that bag for, mate?

Speaker 1 Toys are very dirty on the bottom.

Speaker 186 Yeah.

Speaker 27 Very dirty on the bottom.

Speaker 118 Like a baby.

Speaker 240 So it's basically a case of where to get the bag and explain the dirt.

Speaker 240 Rather than constructing my menu this time.

Speaker 194 Oh yeah, no menu.

Speaker 159 No menu.

Speaker 38 No menu this time.

Speaker 194 Oh, I bought a

Speaker 20 Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer,

Speaker 232 you know, baby, what is it called?

Speaker 108 Baby, uh, baby grow.

Speaker 35 A baby grow.

Speaker 20 Yeah, for my goddaughter, Esther.

Speaker 5 Lovely.

Speaker 54 Yeah.

Speaker 26 That's quite sweet.

Speaker 218 How did a bag get so dirty?

Speaker 210 And then I, oh yeah, I wiped my ass, I scraped it on the bottom.

Speaker 181 That's my humour.

Speaker 153 That's perfect stuff for me.

Speaker 38 Perfect.

Speaker 194 Now, Tim, you brought the puppad

Speaker 64 because, okay.

Speaker 55 Fantastic.

Speaker 52 Because it was a big chat.

Speaker 1 The craze that was spreading the nation.

Speaker 110 Yeah.

Speaker 54 Shall I be mother? Oh, yeah.

Speaker 54 Yeah.

Speaker 164 Big fans of Shall I Be Mother?

Speaker 47 Look,

Speaker 1 you said it was a fan favourite, and it truly is a fan favourite.

Speaker 201 Do I explain Shall I Be Mother to the people who haven't heard this?

Speaker 9 Well, weirdly, no, I don't, because when you made up a Shall I Be Mother, it had nothing to do with me.

Speaker 240 You pinned it onto me, James.

Speaker 240 You two hatched a plan to make me be a person who says, shall I be mother and karate chops poppadoms.

Speaker 157 But

Speaker 52 in actual real life, I don't do that.

Speaker 223 I think it sounds like exactly the kind of thing you would do.

Speaker 159 Oh, I wouldn't.

Speaker 153 Well, it fits in.

Speaker 181 I'm not saying it doesn't fit in,

Speaker 210 but I don't do it.

Speaker 240 That's like someone being, you know, arrested for murder and then they go, did you do this one?

Speaker 41 Actually, they might have done, but you know, you've got to do the research.

Speaker 22 Research? Research.

Speaker 66 Detective work. Yeah.

Speaker 155 But then

Speaker 224 when I've listened back to it, you are the one that's...

Speaker 10 You've listened back to it.

Speaker 19 Yeah. Wowie.

Speaker 157 Yours?

Speaker 172 Bit sad.

Speaker 190 Yours I listen back to, Tim?

Speaker 8 You listen back. Fun favourite.
Do you have listening parties?

Speaker 181 I think you're starting to believe you're in hype.

Speaker 1 You are the one who brings up shallow be mother as a phrase, then. No, no, no, no.

Speaker 181 No, I'm pointing at James there.

Speaker 193 Ah, right

Speaker 164 look at people when they're talking to you

Speaker 35 yeah I bring it up and I genuinely in the moment believed that Tim would have said it yes that's not in dispute so I think it was fine to say you said it

Speaker 222 I think it was fine to say that I once saw you karate chopper poppadom and say, shall I be mother?

Speaker 39 Popped.

Speaker 54 Here's the question, Tim.

Speaker 41 Since that's the podcast.

Speaker 107 Do you want me to help, Cindy?

Speaker 23 No.

Speaker 41 Pass it here. Pass it here.

Speaker 53 I can sort this.

Speaker 217 I've seen what you did to that back.

Speaker 41 No, I'm not going to do that. Pass it here.
Pass it here.

Speaker 102 Right.

Speaker 190 You take a puppet off an Indian woman and say, shall I help?

Speaker 161 I will do it.

Speaker 157 That's called colonisation. No, I'm not colonizing.

Speaker 161 Coding it.

Speaker 202 You come here.

Speaker 216 I can sort.

Speaker 181 I promise I'm not colonising you.

Speaker 157 What I'm doing is

Speaker 240 I'm just saying, shall I be mother?

Speaker 188 Shall I be mother?

Speaker 161 Just so everyone knows.

Speaker 218 Just so everyone knows, in 1757, when the British showed up, they said, We're not colonizing you, and then they did that.

Speaker 224 That's what happened.

Speaker 25 57, I think that was 50. Is it 57?

Speaker 218 1757 Battle of Plastic. That's when it started.
I believe they said

Speaker 175 Shall I be mother?

Speaker 218 Yeah, and they said, Shall I be mother?

Speaker 194 Wow, three minutes to six.

Speaker 1 There was a lot of chat about your favourite Indian restaurant.

Speaker 175 Favourite Indian restaurant, yeah.

Speaker 172 And you would not reveal the name on the podcast.

Speaker 190 If you announce it here tonight,

Speaker 190 we will bleep it on the actual podcast. Perfect.

Speaker 108 But these people will hear it. Will you reveal? Yeah.

Speaker 1 You're definitely going to bleep it.

Speaker 47 We'll bleep it on the actual podcast.

Speaker 172 So these guys can go?

Speaker 232 Yeah, it's a mere 2,500 people.

Speaker 33 They're not all going to go.

Speaker 20 Okay, so we're going to get the name out there.

Speaker 68 I like going to this place.

Speaker 206 Yeah,

Speaker 1 it's really busy.

Speaker 145 You can't just invite 18,000 people.

Speaker 224 Can you? Have you been to this place?

Speaker 222 You've not told me the name of it.

Speaker 212 You refuse to say it. Tell us the name of it.

Speaker 232 Okay, and you're going to bleep it.

Speaker 96 We'll bleep it. We'll bleep it.

Speaker 115 What is it?

Speaker 240 It's an Indian restaurant, and it's the best Indian restaurant in London. And sometimes they have a sitar player.

Speaker 1 It's fantastic.

Speaker 186 Uh oh. Okay.
Oh no. Hold on,

Speaker 190 Cindy's not going, so it's $17,999 now.

Speaker 57 It's fantastic.

Speaker 240 The guy who runs it is phenomenal and

Speaker 46 it always gets us in there.

Speaker 52 If you are going to go, go.

Speaker 11 But go,

Speaker 68 you know, gently.

Speaker 190 You can't say a restaurant's fantastic because the owner always gets you in there.

Speaker 1 That's the basics of a restaurant, I think.

Speaker 41 Do you want to know it or not?

Speaker 66 Yes.

Speaker 240 Masala zone.

Speaker 240 Come on! Oh!

Speaker 121 Fuck off, Tim.

Speaker 190 Don't do this to me. I do need to know.

Speaker 1 I know what it is.

Speaker 168 Yeah, nice and.

Speaker 227 Oh, yeah, just whisper to each other now.

Speaker 114 Yes.

Speaker 145 He knows.

Speaker 242 I just told him to nod.

Speaker 41 Well, I did nod.

Speaker 224 I did my acting.

Speaker 201 Been in any fun lifts lately, Tim?

Speaker 97 Uh, yeah.

Speaker 29 When Tim came on the podcast, he went on a lift that, uh what was it called?

Speaker 68 Paternoster lift.

Speaker 9 Oh, yes. Yeah, here we go!

Speaker 161 In Sheffield.

Speaker 160 Yes, yes, in Sheffield.

Speaker 175 In Sheffield!

Speaker 175 Fucking finally!

Speaker 1 Telling these guys, these twats don't have a fucking clue.

Speaker 224 I've seen it.

Speaker 22 Yeah.

Speaker 17 I'll be honest, it's the first time I've

Speaker 190 ever seen anyone pull a neck oil out of a Jojo Mama beggar bag.

Speaker 181 Have you been on it?

Speaker 242 100%.

Speaker 235 And it's so dangerous. 100%.

Speaker 38 I love 100%.

Speaker 242 It's so dangerous.

Speaker 242 Because there's no mechanism, there's no emergency stop. So if you happen to have very long legs

Speaker 242 and one leg goes on and keeps going up, it can be broken between the wall and the lift.

Speaker 41 It can and it will.

Speaker 54 Yeah.

Speaker 186 Oh, you guys. Lost some good men on that left.
Ask them to explain it to you.

Speaker 218 Sorry, sorry, is this an elevator?

Speaker 224 Yeah.

Speaker 218 Why are your legs going up and down?

Speaker 21 That's only half the story.

Speaker 218 No, no, but why are your legs going up and down?

Speaker 196 Because you might go, oh, there's a lift, and you put one leg.

Speaker 66 You...

Speaker 161 Wait, wait, wait.

Speaker 218 You might say there's a lift and put one leg. What are you doing?

Speaker 190 You have to step into it. Just in case anyone wants the definition of optimism, Benito just appeared at the door and said there's five minutes left.

Speaker 218 Okay, no, so is this a lift in a building?

Speaker 54 Yeah, always in a building.

Speaker 218 Okay, so this is a lift?

Speaker 159 Okay.

Speaker 66 Fair enough.

Speaker 175 Fair enough.

Speaker 218 So this is...

Speaker 218 This is a lift in a building in Sheffield.

Speaker 218 And somehow to organize yourself to get inside, you need to use your leg.

Speaker 224 Well, you will admit, you will adjust.

Speaker 240 I think the phrase that Amunya didn't use was step into the lift.

Speaker 218 Oh, so you need to step into the lift.

Speaker 242 Most journeys start with a single step.

Speaker 46 Dude, I get that.

Speaker 205 But why do your long legs matter?

Speaker 179 Why do your long legs matter?

Speaker 172 This is a lift that is two

Speaker 47 sort of cubicles, elevators,

Speaker 190 constantly rotating on a belt system.

Speaker 41 Oh, thank you Eddie.

Speaker 190 It goes round and round and round. And you need to step in at the right point when it goes past your floor and get off at the right point.

Speaker 242 And the reason it's more easy to talk people is, as a short person, if my leg goes in first, generally there's not enough of it, so my whole body goes in with it.

Speaker 242 As a tall person, fragments of your leg can go in first.

Speaker 218 Fragments of my fucking legs.

Speaker 160 I have extremely long legs.

Speaker 159 I'm not saying.

Speaker 218 And I have never put fragments of my leg into anything.

Speaker 215 But you lived funny.

Speaker 1 You know Sydney's body follows her legs, right?

Speaker 69 Yeah, exactly.

Speaker 69 Yeah, but

Speaker 241 your whole leg went ahead of you.

Speaker 237 Yeah, because I was doing an impression of the exact thing you're

Speaker 215 talking about.

Speaker 242 Anyway, I've been in it and survived, so you can't tell me, you know, how to survive it.

Speaker 162 You survived the mutton.

Speaker 218 Dude, you survived nuts with a nut allergy. You're amazing.

Speaker 240 And may I ask you a question, Moni? Yeah.

Speaker 20 In your Paternoster career, why were you there, by the way?

Speaker 53 Did you study in Sheffield?

Speaker 18 I studied psychology.

Speaker 41 Right, yeah. What?

Speaker 172 Psychology, what?

Speaker 10 Psychology.

Speaker 223 You could have a major in yourself.

Speaker 224 You're like a Batman villain who took on too much of his patience.

Speaker 240 I think you're a really nice chat show host.

Speaker 33 Yeah, thank you.

Speaker 20 Were you in the arts tower then?

Speaker 115 All the time, yeah, sure.

Speaker 242 That was my thrills. My thrills.
You know what I mean? When you're a student and you're broke, you talk about struggle meals.

Speaker 179 There were days I was going back.

Speaker 242 You know, I remember I told you I ate porridge with Vimpto.

Speaker 17 That's how I was like, yeah, sorry, thanks for leaning around.

Speaker 190 Tim's fully turned his back to me, even though I'm one of the hosts of this.

Speaker 242 Anyway, I've been in that lift because it's an easy thrill.

Speaker 9 Yeah, lovely thrill.

Speaker 156 It's an easy thrill.

Speaker 218 It's an easy thrill if your legs don't follow your body and fragments of them have to follow away. And if you're short, you go head first, yes.

Speaker 181 It's an easy thrill if you can get all of the fragments on.

Speaker 74 Exactly.

Speaker 227 It's an easy thrill if you're a slinky.

Speaker 20 I don't know what would happen if you put a slinky on a Patanosta.

Speaker 151 It's what would happen if you put a massive slinky.

Speaker 190 This is the Christmas dinner party off menu. And it really now feels like the end of an actual Christmas dinner party.

Speaker 52 Except for the fact that two and a half thousand people sat in front of us and we are all going...

Speaker 162 But

Speaker 23 I guess my problem with that,

Speaker 41 Ed, is...

Speaker 46 I don't think I would usually use the term Christmas dinner party.

Speaker 41 Could you not?

Speaker 242 No, it's Christmas Day and you have Christmas dinner.

Speaker 242 You don't say let's have a Christmas dinner party.

Speaker 23 Yeah, fair enough.

Speaker 136 But we're not going to say this is Christmas Day, are we?

Speaker 54 What?

Speaker 41 Now, Munya.

Speaker 69 Fucking hell.

Speaker 68 You're joking.

Speaker 51 When you were in your career on the Patanosta lift,

Speaker 136 did you ever go over the top and come back down?

Speaker 1 You know what?

Speaker 241 I never had the courage.

Speaker 54 Learning for sure.

Speaker 241 What holds you when you're going over the hump?

Speaker 55 What?

Speaker 190 Fucking gravity, Munya.

Speaker 161 Same as when you're walking over a fucking hill

Speaker 231 when you're in a plane.

Speaker 232 What do you mean, what holds you?

Speaker 181 You know what I'm saying, though?

Speaker 160 Yeah, it's not Willy Wonka, mate.

Speaker 107 This host.

Speaker 214 Petinoscale scum.

Speaker 185 What holds you when you're going over the top, Tim?

Speaker 89 Do you know?

Speaker 46 I think there might be a grain of truth in gravity.

Speaker 46 Did you do it?

Speaker 67 Just the twice.

Speaker 67 How'd it feel?

Speaker 115 Dicey.

Speaker 190 Tim, we got your present, but

Speaker 136 I don't know how it's going to feel.

Speaker 190 Now, Tim, I'll be honest.

Speaker 231 I feel slightly heartbroken by this present.

Speaker 172 We are so excited. You ready?

Speaker 161 Yep. Yep, there you go.

Speaker 113 Shall I be mother?

Speaker 234 We didn't didn't know you were going to bring your own.

Speaker 188 Damn it. Here we go.

Speaker 156 You might want to shield your eyes in the front if you're not wearing glasses.

Speaker 193 To signify the first ever paparo bread.

Speaker 41 Yes. Here we go.
Oh, lovely.

Speaker 240 Do you want to say it?

Speaker 21 Paparo bread! Papara bread, chipkee! Paparo bread!

Speaker 22 Shall I be mother?

Speaker 160 Yes, please.

Speaker 160 Fucking hell!

Speaker 233 Disintegrated it. Look at that!

Speaker 97 Honestly, are you the incredible Hulk?

Speaker 233 That is fucking insane.

Speaker 188 Turn it to dust.

Speaker 232 Thank God we rented these four carpets.

Speaker 232 Because the poor hay Dougie sack would be ruined.

Speaker 1 What a lovely memory that was, James. What a night.

Speaker 163 Brilliant night.

Speaker 28 We dedicate it to the memory of Nishkuma.

Speaker 132 Yes.

Speaker 1 But of course, aside from all of that, 2022, I think we'll all remember as the year to phone your mum.

Speaker 149 Yes, hopefully this will become a more regular feature in the podcast in 2023 because we love these phone calls.

Speaker 53 Amy Gledhill and Ryland Clark just get in on the old bell to their mothers.

Speaker 70 So see, actually, seaweed on mash

Speaker 70 in particular is like

Speaker 137 mash.

Speaker 54 I love the idea of it.

Speaker 92 I can imagine it, but I've just never been in a situation where it's been it's been possible never been possible i've never been to the half moon would you try it at home yeah i'd do that at home for sure really on the tarragon does it go over the tarragon

Speaker 26 yeah yeah yeah i wouldn't be confident enough you're the mash king man yeah but not put seaweed on it just a spring just a little sprinkle oh no you sprinkle them i thought this was the jelly stuff what why are we talking here oh oh are you talking like crispy crispy dry you're talking about like the stuff that goes around sushi no well it's about the stuff like if you went to like a chinese restaurant you got it as a starter that kind of seaweed yeah i guess that kind of seaweed that makes more sense to me yeah i guess nori would also work the sheets that they're at they like sushi you can get sheets yeah yeah but they're sprinkling them on they're not sprinkling oh yeah you're not sprinkling a sheet on yeah but you do you can get it you can chop up a sheet can we ring them now

Speaker 55 i would be against it yeah

Speaker 111 yeah i'll ring them yeah do it oh my god i'll ring them and we'll find out what's going on you say just asking you about the seaweed that you put on the roast and they go, are you with Amy?

Speaker 98 Oh my god.

Speaker 29 Here we go. Putting them on speaker.

Speaker 29 Oh my god.

Speaker 29 Good evening, Huffman.

Speaker 49 Good day.

Speaker 49 Hello, I just phoned in to have a quick question.

Speaker 200 With the roasts, is there the option to have seaweed on them?

Speaker 117 Is this the right place?

Speaker 109 sorry could you say that again a bit loud in here yeah no worries um with the roast dinners

Speaker 29 is there an option to have seaweed on the roast dinners is that is this the right yeah is this the right place

Speaker 37 sorry there's a place there's a place nearby is this just just outside of Cottonham yeah sorry say that's again

Speaker 117 are you just outside of Cottonham the um yeah we are yeah okay there's a place nearby that does roasts that have sorry my friend it was trying to we're trying to book a place that she remembers

Speaker 33 Oh the mill house

Speaker 117 Oh okay, thank you very much cheers thanks mate.

Speaker 54 Bye. Bye

Speaker 37 Give me the number Benito

Speaker 31 Give me the number because it was not it was not

Speaker 49 a noisy restaurant on our hands there.

Speaker 176 She was not enjoying it. It's not Skidby.
Should I text my mum?

Speaker 90 Text your mum that could have been a most is like style prank because she just ran with it she just went along it yeah the seaweed and the earth did a poo hey anyone say the seaweed

Speaker 39 i mean it's not looking good for you because

Speaker 29 imagine what a thing to make up you know that there's a place that does seaweed on the roast yeah we should be calling your mum i don't want to call my mum

Speaker 92 up to you i don't know how much of this is staying in for the listener, but this is the most amount of research we've ever done.

Speaker 27 Yeah.

Speaker 29 Mid-pod.

Speaker 27 Seaweed, roast dinner cottonum is what I'm going to Google.

Speaker 136 I feel like I'm in CTU.

Speaker 54 Oh, I love it.

Speaker 29 Have you texted your mum? Yeah.

Speaker 147 What's up to?

Speaker 29 I really want to know this.

Speaker 137 Shall I ring my mum?

Speaker 113 Yeah, ring your mum.

Speaker 166 Ring your mum.

Speaker 68 Do I put her on speakerphone?

Speaker 120 Only if you want, if you feel comfortable with that.

Speaker 29 Yeah, it's up to you.

Speaker 29 Okay.

Speaker 120 Imagine if it's the woman in the pub again.

Speaker 120 Sorry, it's nice.

Speaker 55 Come on, I'm Mother Gladhill.

Speaker 55 Hello. Hiya, Mum.
Hi, Ed. Are you alright? Yeah, yeah.

Speaker 150 I've got a weird question.

Speaker 62 I'm doing a podcast right now.

Speaker 243 Uh-huh.

Speaker 244 So you're on speakerphone and with James and Ed, do you want to say hello?

Speaker 55 Hello. Hello.

Speaker 55 Hello.

Speaker 245 Signal maker, I warn you.

Speaker 62 Oh, brilliant.

Speaker 72 Okay, well, just being quick,

Speaker 244 we're trying to find the name of the restaurant we went to where we had a kind of a roast dinner on a big roundabout.

Speaker 62 And we drove there, and on the roast dinner, they like sprinkle seaweed on the mash.

Speaker 177 And we're trying to find that restaurant. And I can't remember the name of it.

Speaker 244 And I thought it was near Cottingham.

Speaker 80 Do you remember?

Speaker 72 It was before COVID, but I drove there.

Speaker 176 So it was after I passed my driving test.

Speaker 138 God.

Speaker 147 Do you remember what it was called?

Speaker 55 Oh just ask your dad. Okay.

Speaker 245 Can you remember a restaurant we went to in the drove

Speaker 26 and it was on a round table you say?

Speaker 176 No it was on a roundabout, it's on a big roundabout.

Speaker 245 Oh it's on a big roundabout

Speaker 245 and the sprinkle seaweed or something on the mash. We had a big roast dinner.

Speaker 244 We had a big roast dinner.

Speaker 245 It's on a big roundabout.

Speaker 245 Just before COVID.

Speaker 245 And was there just me and me and you dad and you?

Speaker 176 I think maybe there was one other person, but I know I drove because I left first before you did.

Speaker 245 So it wasn't Victoria Dock

Speaker 245 when you drove off.

Speaker 55 No, it wasn't.

Speaker 62 No, it wasn't then.

Speaker 245 It wouldn't have been Home Farm, would it?

Speaker 245 You would have got a Cavary from there.

Speaker 134 Maybe.

Speaker 176 Absolutely. Could be be home farm

Speaker 80 near the Humber Bridge, yeah.

Speaker 55 Could be Humber.

Speaker 245 That's on the big roundabout, isn't it?

Speaker 55 Yeah, we did go there.

Speaker 245 We did go there.

Speaker 91 Because I think

Speaker 245 I can remember getting a pink gin because I wasn't driving.

Speaker 176 Yeah, maybe it was that then.

Speaker 117 All right, then.

Speaker 244 Well, I'm just trying to work out which one it is, so we'll try that one.

Speaker 176 Thanks, mum.

Speaker 101 Thank you. Thank you.

Speaker 134 All right.

Speaker 245 Bye, then.

Speaker 219 Bye. Bye.

Speaker 114 Your mum's an absolute hero.

Speaker 114 Thank you for calling the Home Farm Brewer's Fair. I'm sorry, all of our team members are busy with guests at the moment.

Speaker 137 If you'd like to book a table, you can always book online at www.brewersfair.co.uk, where you can also find lots of information on how you can dine safely with us.

Speaker 90 Thanks for your call, and we look forward to seeing you soon.

Speaker 29 No option of an answer, John.

Speaker 137 No.

Speaker 31 Just free advertising.

Speaker 113 Free advertising for him.

Speaker 27 Just gave him a free advert.

Speaker 26 I'll be honest,

Speaker 117 it doesn't feel like the sort of place that they're going to offer seaweed.

Speaker 41 Absolutely.

Speaker 181 It's a Brewer's Fair.

Speaker 37 It's something we're allowed to throw to the listeners, which is torture.

Speaker 42 Here's the reason I really want to be able to solve this for you, Adam.

Speaker 93 Yeah, please.

Speaker 117 Because if we don't solve it in this episode,

Speaker 29 there is a right answer out there.

Speaker 117 There will be a lot of people who know that answer yeah and you will get every single week for the rest of your life someone tweeting you what the answer to this thing is there

Speaker 30 we've when nicola coffin came in the episode uh she couldn't remember what a staffshare oatcake was we didn't solve it within the episode right every day of her life every day someone tweets her going oh just so you know it's a staffordshire oatcake yeah every single day and still it's still part of her life even though she's on the biggest show on networks yeah

Speaker 29 so if we don't solve this for you, we've end the episode, everyone's going to be tweeting you going, it's this place.

Speaker 117 Yeah.

Speaker 89 And that's all your timeline is going to be.

Speaker 27 But I think that's it.

Speaker 54 We're going to have to move on.

Speaker 1 It sounds delicious.

Speaker 176 I'm going to, I'm going to just message my brother Paul.

Speaker 72 And if he gets back within the episode, then we'll know.

Speaker 180 My mum, I built her a house five minutes from mine.

Speaker 127 She can't get it.

Speaker 137 Oh no. She can't get it.

Speaker 10 But actually, my mum is still

Speaker 195 eating on the phone. Oh, yeah.

Speaker 41 Trifle, M ⁇ S.

Speaker 6 M ⁇ S trifle. Yeah.

Speaker 25 She rung me twice last night.

Speaker 180 If I showed you my phone, you'll see my real name's Ross.

Speaker 32 She'll be like, Ross, why haven't you answered the phone?

Speaker 180 If she's just rung me, then she'll ring me again. I've got like three missed calls.
So last night, I then see my phone and think, fuck, she's had a fall. She's been attacked.

Speaker 110 She's been robbed.

Speaker 5 Did I leave them Erwick air fresheners on your kitchen island?

Speaker 90 I swear to fucking God. Look.

Speaker 38 Also,

Speaker 40 if you've got missed calls from her, you know that she's been eating all night.

Speaker 48 Cause you're phoning her. I've just got a text from her.

Speaker 118 So, this is last night.

Speaker 53 Ross, did I leave your air fresheners?

Speaker 6 Just now, 10:31.

Speaker 5 Ross, where are you? I'm in your house.

Speaker 110 Why are you in

Speaker 30 my house?

Speaker 206 I'm at work.

Speaker 198 Do you want to give her a call?

Speaker 234 Should we ring her?

Speaker 133 Probably is.

Speaker 117 Interesting if Linda's eating.

Speaker 41 Hello. All right, where are you?

Speaker 246 Oh, fucking hell, where you been? I thought you'd just been murdered, you know.

Speaker 206 What, because I've not answered the phone?

Speaker 55 No,

Speaker 246 I went in, couldn't see you, went upstairs to put the plagins in, you know, the things.

Speaker 55 Effort.

Speaker 55 It didn't look like it'd been fucking main sex.

Speaker 32 I'm sorting out the beauty drawers.

Speaker 207 I'm sorting out well with them face masks and everything.

Speaker 133 That's what's on the floor.

Speaker 246 I've talked to you to someone and done you in. I've been up the swim poll to see if you fucking commit suicide.

Speaker 246 Oh, I've been all over. I've been in the office, didn't put the thing up to shut the door.
But, you know, I thought I've phoned you. I thought, where the fuck is he?

Speaker 6 Mum, you phoned me once.

Speaker 246 I thought, no, and then I messaged you.

Speaker 180 Yeah, saying, where are you? And I've just seen it. Yeah.

Speaker 180 Oh, of course.

Speaker 133 So where are you anyway? I'm at work. I'm doing a podcast for the book.
Oh, right.

Speaker 246 Well, sorry, I didn't know you was going out because I thought, you know, you tell me you're out tomorrow. The television.

Speaker 246 I've left it on because i didn't know where you was yeah no i left the telly on this one all right all right go on then i'll ring you later

Speaker 102 oh

Speaker 246 gold spot art chat looked in every cupboard

Speaker 175 why do you think i've been a fucking cupboard

Speaker 205 in case someone's cut me up

Speaker 246 well i thought where is he you ain't told me he's out today sorry i didn't realize i needed to ring you to tell you i was going to work i'm on my way to james but i thought i'd pop in on the way all right did you find the air fresheners, by the way?

Speaker 55 Yeah, I've got them.

Speaker 110 Oh, good. I've had it

Speaker 246 in the front room, because I'm fighting that velvet, so I'll put it up in the spare room. You know, the room next to yours, one of them.

Speaker 105 Right.

Speaker 246 In that bedroom, plugged it in. And the other one has run out behind the puffy at the top floor.
I see the spider, I ain't touched it.

Speaker 55 Yeah.

Speaker 53 I put the spider under the glass.

Speaker 189 Yeah, I didn't like it.

Speaker 31 Yeah, under the glass. See that.

Speaker 31 Alright, then, go on, I'll talk to you later.

Speaker 6 What time are you on?

Speaker 246 home i don't know yet i'll let you know all right well um do you know your street door still we're not running it's all double locks itself why it's automatic mum oh all right as long as you can get in when you get home i ain't got to come out mum i live there of course i can get in yeah i know but you say to me don't double lock it i don't but i had to turn it a few times to unlock it mum it's fingerprint it's fine don't worry all right all right go on in i'm going to join you just to freshen it up and then i'll be home all right mum.

Speaker 246 And then do you need anything picked up?

Speaker 102 No, I'm alright.

Speaker 90 Who are you laughing at?

Speaker 180 No, just you. You just make me laugh.
Right, I'm going. Oh, God, love you.
Love you, buddy.

Speaker 186 Right. I've only done wearing that air.

Speaker 245 It's only that property.

Speaker 180 I'm not going to be dead in the gym, am I?

Speaker 246 Oh, I don't know. Perhaps you've worked out.
Something's fell on you or something.

Speaker 55 Right.

Speaker 206 Alright, I'm going. Bye.

Speaker 102 Bye.

Speaker 175 Now, do you see what I've got to put up with?

Speaker 48 Everyone thinks she's hilarious.

Speaker 41 Throw her up. She is.

Speaker 10 Well, she is. Yeah, yeah.

Speaker 41 She called me.

Speaker 29 She didn't even know she was being.

Speaker 133 No, she called me, right? Really funny.

Speaker 54 At

Speaker 180 10.50, she called me, right?

Speaker 180 At 10.30, she texted me saying, where are you? I'm in your house.

Speaker 48 Now, this happened not long ago.

Speaker 206 Yeah. Right.

Speaker 180 I'm single now. Yeah.

Speaker 180 And the worst thing I ever did was give my mum a fob for my gate.

Speaker 6 Genuinely.

Speaker 180 Because now I've had to put location on my phone to see where she is.

Speaker 69 Right?

Speaker 180 She will just turn up.

Speaker 102 Yeah.

Speaker 35 Let herself in, which is fine.

Speaker 180 She's my mum.

Speaker 29 You do what you want. You do you.

Speaker 180 But I said to her very specifically, one night, do not come round in the morning.

Speaker 102 I will not be there.

Speaker 105 Yeah.

Speaker 180 I'm going training with my trainer at his house.

Speaker 206 I will not be there. All right.

Speaker 33 Yeah.

Speaker 31 No way.

Speaker 31 Jamie.

Speaker 102 That's my brother. All right.

Speaker 180 I had someone at my house that stayed.

Speaker 180 At 8:30 the following morning, I'm in bed and I can hear

Speaker 133 I've never

Speaker 180 jumped out of bed so quickly, run down the stairs to scream, what the fuck are you doing here?

Speaker 97 I thought you were out.

Speaker 5 Whose car's that?

Speaker 6 I went, get the fuck out of my house and go home.

Speaker 48 She's like, all right, and she was gone.

Speaker 181 This is my life now.

Speaker 54 This is my life.

Speaker 155 She thought something followed on you at the gym.

Speaker 159 I've checked every cupboard in case you were cut up.

Speaker 1 Checked all the cupboards.

Speaker 52 If you don't answer her, within five minutes,

Speaker 117 you're dead, apparently.

Speaker 41 That's it.

Speaker 124 It's all like. Are you cut up and dead in the cupboards? Or something's followed on you at the gym?

Speaker 48 The spiders are still under the glass, so that's it.

Speaker 1 So that's the other thing I wanted to check about. So there was a spider.

Speaker 30 I got bit on my face the other way.

Speaker 23 Yeah. It's still there.

Speaker 139 I've got a little lump. I don't know where it was.

Speaker 119 And I saw this spider the other day. Yeah.

Speaker 63 And I just threw a glass over it. Yeah.

Speaker 54 And just left it there.

Speaker 206 For now. Yeah.

Speaker 69 It's still there.

Speaker 54 For now, yeah.

Speaker 195 But she saw it and she hasn't touched it.

Speaker 129 She won't touch it.

Speaker 127 Yeah, she won't.

Speaker 33 She saw the spider.

Speaker 180 My room doesn't look like bombs hit it. I've got like a dressing room, and I was sorting out all my beautiful bags.

Speaker 86 I believe the phrase was, your room looks like it's been fucking ransacked.

Speaker 126 Yeah, that's it.

Speaker 41 Which is why she thought I was dead.

Speaker 178 Yeah. Which is why she thought I was dead.

Speaker 133 Every bit. Oh, you can't.
Like, where are you?

Speaker 68 Well, I'm clearly not there.

Speaker 180 I checked the poll in case you'd done yourself in.

Speaker 181 Surprised you didn't check under the glass.

Speaker 69 I don't know with the spider.

Speaker 92 I'm an adult man and it's daytime on a Wednesday.

Speaker 41 I'm 33 and it's Wednesday daytime.

Speaker 180 And my mum is calling me thinking I'm dead in a cupboard because I've not spoken to her since last night at about 10 o'clock when she was looking for some air fresheners.

Speaker 48 That she's now plugged in behind the puffy.

Speaker 27 And from what I gather, she's going to someone else's house now.

Speaker 33 She's now going to my brother's.

Speaker 180 She's now going to my brother's, who I wouldn't normally say this, but by the time this comes out, he won't be, is on holiday.

Speaker 133 Yeah.

Speaker 5 And she will let herself in there and freshen it up.

Speaker 180 But what she does, we just let her do it now because it's easier to not have the argument to say, stop fucking doing it.

Speaker 133 I have a window cleaner, right?

Speaker 180 The whole back of my house is glass. I pay them quite a lot of money to clean the inside and outside of them windows so they look nice.
She will come in with a cloth and wipe the inside of my windows.

Speaker 180 So when it's sunny, all it is is smears.

Speaker 180 And the reason why she does it is because she used to, may God rest his soul, she used to drive up back to London where we used to live every week to my uncle Bert's before he died and used to clean his windows because he lived in a block of flats and she used to hang out, fucking hell, she's 70, like, and clean his windows.

Speaker 180 Bert never would tell her that the windows were fucking smeary. So she thinks she's handy-handy.
She thinks, oh, no, she cleans her windows are the best windows in Essex now.

Speaker 32 But she don't realize when she's using a cloth, you then need to use a different cloth to buff it off.

Speaker 111 So I've got a specialist glass cleaner. I've got this.

Speaker 116 I've got window stuff. I've got this.

Speaker 180 No, don't work with Linda.

Speaker 133 So I pay more in that

Speaker 180 for her to fuck the windows up that have just been cleaned.

Speaker 129 Absolutely brilliant.

Speaker 180 But that's my mum.

Speaker 117 So for anyone who thinks that she's not a real person, there you go.

Speaker 130 There you go.

Speaker 9 That is pretend she stops at Marx's as well.

Speaker 141 Trifle.

Speaker 180 Should I just ring her and just say, you go Marx's?

Speaker 1 Well, there we are. The best of 2022.

Speaker 64 Done, James.

Speaker 101 Thank you for listening.

Speaker 37 And then the next bullet point says, we'll be back in the new year for series 9.

Speaker 28 And then a third bullet point that says to end, it's a traditional pop-a-doms or bread compilation.

Speaker 1 What a perfect way to end.

Speaker 37 He really wrote all the early links in a very specific way, you know.

Speaker 39 That was all referencing himself and how great he is.

Speaker 38 And then at the end, he just went, bam, bam, bam, go to bed, drinking peach beer, go to bed.

Speaker 1 We will see you next year for Series 9. And who knows, we might spank the plank.

Speaker 113 We might be spanking the planks and treading the boards

Speaker 41 goodbye everyone happy new year happy new year

Speaker 140 dear poppin' sob bread popped up bread melted like pop loves our bread oh god

Speaker 101 pop it up bread fly with joan pop dumbs or bread pop an ums or bread pop laws or bread standy too pop an ups or bread did you i'm sorry poppin' um so bread bread popped up so bread

Speaker 117 so the poppin' um or bread question always confuses me. It feels like a very British thing, that question.

Speaker 118 Yes, to be fair, it is.

Speaker 101 Poppin' dumbs or bread! Poplobs or bread, Richard E. Grant, pop dumbs or bread.

Speaker 101 Poplums or bread, Alex Horde. Popadubs or bread.

Speaker 33 White bread, please.

Speaker 87 Poppadubs or bread.

Speaker 101 Poplums or bread, Daddy Hussein.

Speaker 87 Popped up some bread.

Speaker 59 What not what hopnobs or bread?

Speaker 87 Poppadums or bread.

Speaker 67 Poppa dumbs or bread? Oh, I thought you said hobnobs.

Speaker 65 You scared me. You're so loud.

Speaker 101 Um

Speaker 74 pop-a-doms.

Speaker 54 Pop-a-dubs or bread!

Speaker 200 Pop-a-dobs or bread, Charlotte Church!

Speaker 101 Pop-a-nobs or bread!

Speaker 70 Most certainly, I want a really diverse bread basket.

Speaker 57 Text it where you want to go for a meal, but text me if you're wondering where to buy a lemon.

Speaker 45 You want a lemon.

Speaker 90 Pop-dubs or bread!

Speaker 140 Pop-doms or bread, the great mini-toe. Pop-nobs or bread.

Speaker 101 What?

Speaker 54 Pop-a-nobs or bread!

Speaker 56 Oh, pop-a-doms. I thought you said problems or bread.

Speaker 62 I was like, oh.

Speaker 92 Do you interpret it however you want?

Speaker 97 Pop-dubs or bread! Oh my god!

Speaker 224 Pop-dubs or bread, Vita, so we have it.

Speaker 160 Pop lobs or bread.

Speaker 112 I knew that was coming, but it's so scary.

Speaker 69 Okay, um.

Speaker 102 You did it well there, man.

Speaker 179 Thank you.

Speaker 179 That was really good. Yeah.

Speaker 90 Did you even take a breath?

Speaker 69 Speaking of which, pop logs or bread.

Speaker 69 I'm going to go.

Speaker 211 I've had a think about it.

Speaker 20 I'm going to go for brown crackers.

Speaker 54 That's what I'm thinking.

Speaker 101 Pop an obsorp. Pop it up soft bread, Adam Buxton.
Pop it up some bread.

Speaker 96 Bread every time.

Speaker 69 Yeah, it's the factory speaker.

Speaker 159 Pop an observation.

Speaker 140 Pop numbs on bread, Shiva McSweeney.

Speaker 69 Pop and lobs on bread.

Speaker 242 Is that how you treat your sodas from beginning to see what the problem is here?

Speaker 107 Screaming at his soda screen.

Speaker 200 You're the first person I've made jump in ages.

Speaker 71 In ages. You shouldn't be proud of that.

Speaker 156 Yeah.

Speaker 50 Popping up's on bread. Yes.

Speaker 101 Pop loves on bread, Michael.

Speaker 101 Pop loves bread.

Speaker 41 That pop shield, I've got to say, it's such a worthwhile investment.

Speaker 132 Pop-doms.

Speaker 68 As much as I like champagne, like most people do,

Speaker 115 my mouth tastes of arse afterwards.

Speaker 60 Do you know what?

Speaker 166 It's so horrible the breath champagne gives people.

Speaker 132 So for that reason alone, I think Schler's worth a punt.

Speaker 41 Poplums or bread.

Speaker 198 Pop lobs or bread, Tammy Edgerton.

Speaker 101 Pop loves or bread.

Speaker 9 Okay, pop a dumbs.

Speaker 50 Yeah.

Speaker 117 Yeah, pop a doms.

Speaker 101 Pop lobs or bread.

Speaker 101 Pop loves our bread. Bread.

Speaker 54 Bread.

Speaker 105 Fair enough.

Speaker 101 Pop nums or bread.

Speaker 140 Pop logs or bread, Jamali Maddox.

Speaker 101 Pop loves or bread.

Speaker 9 Pop a dumbs. Yeah.

Speaker 58 I was intense, then do you know what?

Speaker 170 It put me under a lot of pressure.

Speaker 55 Pop loves or bread.

Speaker 101 Pop lobs or bread, Tim Key! Pop lobs or bread!

Speaker 149 Point this question, we know what he's gonna say.

Speaker 74 No, we don't. We don't know what I'm gonna say.

Speaker 80 Pop lobs or bread! Oh no!

Speaker 101 Pop lobs or bread, Adam, Magliano! Pop loves or bread!

Speaker 67 Okay.

Speaker 101 Pop lobs or bread! Pop lobs or bread, as McCann.

Speaker 54 Pop lobs or bread!

Speaker 50 Bread.

Speaker 211 You're about to have terrible sex.

Speaker 101 Pop lobs or bread!

Speaker 5 Pop lobs or bread, Timmy Pritchard McLean.

Speaker 23 Pop lobs or bread.

Speaker 131 What was it like, by the way?

Speaker 163 You are the first person who has had pop logs or bread shouted at them over Zoom and in person.

Speaker 121 Yeah.

Speaker 49 Which one did you prefer?

Speaker 156 I think I preferred it in person.

Speaker 78 Thank you.

Speaker 101 Pop lobs or bread.

Speaker 55 Oh, pop lobs or bread, Chloe Pets.

Speaker 23 Pop logs or bread.

Speaker 243 God, I vowed that it wouldn't take me by surprise, but it did.

Speaker 54 It feels like I'm being heckled at an Ed Gamble gig.

Speaker 117 Pop an observation!

Speaker 11 Pop an obsorpread, Chris Red! Pop an observer bread!

Speaker 11 Huh? Pop an obsorpread! Pop an obsorpread, Chris Red! Pop an obsorbre!

Speaker 11 Bread!

Speaker 101 Pop an absorb bread. Pop and absorb bread.
Jarvis Cocker, pop and absorb bread.

Speaker 76 Um,

Speaker 123 well, I'm trying to be a bit gluten-free nowadays.

Speaker 31 I mean, we used to watch Jamita Panini.

Speaker 33 Yeah.

Speaker 41 Pop and absorb bread.

Speaker 140 Pop loaves of bread, Baba Tunde.

Speaker 101 Pop and absorb bread.

Speaker 54 Why are you shouting at me?

Speaker 10 Pop an absorbed bread. Oh.
Pop loaves of bread, Angela Hartlet.

Speaker 241 Pop loaves of bread. Breads, breads, bread, without doubt.
Bread, bread, bread.

Speaker 53 That makes sense. Does it?

Speaker 101 Yeah, pop and absorb bread. Bread.
Pop lobs or bread, Felicity Ward. Pop and absorb bread.

Speaker 221 Bread.

Speaker 220 100% never gonna go pop a dumb.

Speaker 173 It's a miserable existence.

Speaker 87 Popadums or bread. Pop lobs or bread, Mike Sher.
Pop a dumbs or bread.

Speaker 167 Bread, please. Thank you.

Speaker 41 Um, I'll just leave it at that.

Speaker 87 Poplums or bread. Poplums or bread, fatty little gory.
Pop a dumbs or bread.

Speaker 151 Bread.

Speaker 33 Oh, thanks, man. Pop a lobs or bread.

Speaker 101 Pop lobs or bread, Paul Chelde.

Speaker 125 Popped up some bread.

Speaker 111 I'm not sure whether you're asking me about pop-doms because I'm Indian.

Speaker 101 Poplums or bread.

Speaker 198 Pop-lumps or bread, Paul Hollywood.

Speaker 160 Poppin'.

Speaker 33 Obviously, I've got to He's got to go bread.

Speaker 166 But then what type of bread?

Speaker 101 Pop an obsorb bread. Poppin' obsorb bread, Rob Bryden.
Pop an obsorpread.

Speaker 145 Okay, well, it's a reasonable question.

Speaker 41 Pop an obsorb bread.

Speaker 33 Pop an observer bread, Lylan Clark.

Speaker 101 Pop an obsorb bread.

Speaker 50 Pop a dumbs.

Speaker 87 Pop an obsorb bread.

Speaker 101 Pop an obsorb bread, Dame Baptiste.

Speaker 181 Pop a doms or bread.

Speaker 33 Good question.

Speaker 54 Um, I'm gonna go for Popadums.

Speaker 66 Am I making this up now?

Speaker 112 Pop an obsorb bread.

Speaker 21 Pop an obsorb bread, Robin Poppad.

Speaker 101 Poppadums or bread. Fucking bread.

Speaker 176 For cartshaw.

Speaker 224 So, yeah, still warm.

Speaker 101 Pop loves or bread.

Speaker 143 Pop a dumbs every time.

Speaker 211 Pop a dumbs.

Speaker 101 Pop a dumbs or bread.

Speaker 140 Pop loves or bread, Matt Lucas.

Speaker 92 Pop a dumbs or bread.

Speaker 101 Oh,

Speaker 114 pop a dumbs.

Speaker 133 Fair enough. Pop loves or bread.

Speaker 33 Pop loves or bread, Brian Cox.

Speaker 101 Pop a dumbs or bread.

Speaker 219 Uh, pop a dumbs.

Speaker 71 Poplums or bread.

Speaker 140 Oh. Pop lobs or bread, Siqueza.

Speaker 96 Poplums or bread.

Speaker 211 Aggressive, but neither.

Speaker 54 Oh.

Speaker 101 Pop loves or bread. Pop lobs or bread, Lady Henry.
Pop lobs or bread.

Speaker 77 Pop a dumbs.

Speaker 68 Pop a dumbs are great.

Speaker 151 Pop-lobs or bread.

Speaker 101 Pop lobs or bread, Tom Davis. Pop-a-lobs or bread.

Speaker 86 I'm a bread fan. I love my bread.

Speaker 29 We are quite cute about it.

Speaker 101 Pop-lubs or bread.

Speaker 54 Bread. Pop-lubs or bread.

Speaker 55 Bread.

Speaker 101 It's bread.

Speaker 50 Sit down.

Speaker 55 Pop-a-dom. Pop-a-dom.

Speaker 54 He got me.

Speaker 96 Or bread. Yeah.

Speaker 100 It's bread.

Speaker 66 Pop-lums or bread. Oh, God.

Speaker 101 Pop-lobs or bread, Amy Glen Hill. Pop-lubs or bread.
Bread.

Speaker 72 Bread, please.

Speaker 105 Toast got scared.

Speaker 52 We finally got Benito's dog off to sleep so he he wasn't disturbing the record and then we all forgot that he was about to be woken up horrifically.

Speaker 140 Rise and shine you mangy mutton!

Speaker 14 At Certopro Painters, we know that a happy place comes in many colors. Like ones that inspire a sense of wonder or a new flavor that makes life just a little bit sweeter.

Speaker 14 Or one to celebrate those moments that lift you to new heights at home or at work. We'll make your happy place your own.
Certapro Painters. That's Painting Happy.

Speaker 14 Each Certipro Painters business is independently owned and operated. Contractor license and registration information is available at Certipro.com.

Speaker 1 Oh, hi, James. Have you heard the news?

Speaker 7 Oh, yeah, go on.

Speaker 1 You and I are modern boys because the off-menu podcast is now on YouTube.

Speaker 7 This is embarrassing.

Speaker 1 Why is it embarrassing, man? You love YouTube.

Speaker 3 I love watching clips on YouTube. Sure.

Speaker 7 Now people can watch clips of Off Menu on YouTube and full episodes, but it's embarrassing, man.

Speaker 1 It's not embarrassing at all. It's really cool.
We're on YouTube with the great and good. The coolest people in the world are on YouTube.

Speaker 64 Me, you, Logan Paul.

Speaker 149 Who's Logan Paul, the dad from Succession?

Speaker 7 At Off Menu Podcast.

Speaker 3 That's what Benito's calling us now.

Speaker 7 And we're on TikTok. This is embarrassing, man.

Speaker 1 It's not embarrassing, man.

Speaker 9 We're cool.

Speaker 1 We're like Olivia Rodrigo.

Speaker 3 And Ed. People have been asking us, battering us, bothering us, actually.
They want to watch the Stephen Graham supercut from the Stephen Graham episode.

Speaker 3 So they can see all of his reactions to us, everything that he did.

Speaker 7 Oh, Benito has bent to their whims, and he's going to put it on YouTube. He's going to do it.

Speaker 1 Follow us at Off Menu Official on TikTok. At Off Menu Podcast on YouTube, you can watch clips from the podcast.
And on YouTube, you can watch full video episodes. People have been asking for it.

Speaker 1 And you're finally getting it.

Speaker 82 Full video episodes.

Speaker 1 So you can see every single nuance on our little faces.