Best of 2022: Part 1

Speaker 2 James, huge news from the world of off-menu and indeed the world of the world.

Speaker 4 Yes.

Speaker 5 Ever heard of the Royal Albert Hall?

Speaker 6 I have. We've done live shows there.

Speaker 7 And guess what?

Speaker 2 We're doing more live shows there next year. Sure, a lot of them are sold out already.

Speaker 9 But we thought, hey, throw these guys a bone.

Speaker 10 Let's put on one final Royal Albert Hall show in that run.

Speaker 2 The show will be on Monday, the 16th of March. It's going to be a tasting menu, a returning guest coming back, receiving the menu of another previous guest.
Those shows have been a lot of fun.

Speaker 2 We cannot wait to do them live.

Speaker 11 Who will we pull out of our little magic bag?

Speaker 2 You'll have to come along on the 16th of March to find out.

Speaker 12 If I'm correct in thinking, presale tickets go on pre-sale on the 10th of September.

Speaker 7 Pre-sale tickets are 10th of September at 10 a.m.

Speaker 2 And then the general sale is 12th of September at 10 a.m.

Speaker 11 So if you miss out on the pre-sale, don't forget general sale is only two days later.

Speaker 14 The day in between is for reflecting.

Speaker 16 Get your tickets from royalalberthall.com Hall.com or offmenupodcast.co.uk.

Speaker 18 Talk about refreshing.

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Speaker 1 It's the end of 2022, James, and it's been our biggest and best year of off menu yet.

Speaker 36 Maximum national treasures, minimal cheese boards, and we showed the toooch a picture of a cat.

Speaker 6 Here's part one of our favourite clips from the 44 episodes that we've put out this year.

Speaker 42 44?

Speaker 7 As we often say here at off-menu, Benito...

Speaker 44 Benito is an excellent... I was going to say it with you.

Speaker 40 Ah.

Speaker 45 Because we often say it. Oh, okay.

Speaker 9 This is the first time we're reading this, obviously, James, because Benito's written this. So let's see what he said.
Yes.

Speaker 30 As we often say here at Off Menu, Benito is an excellent producer and close personal friend.

Speaker 9 But also, we often say, James, that food is about comfort.

Speaker 48 Benito, neither of us have ever said that.

Speaker 49 Neither of us have ever said that shit.

Speaker 51 We don't say that about you.

Speaker 54 So we start this year's compilation with some comforting, heartwarming descriptions of homemade food from James.

Speaker 56 Charlotte Church, Taron Edgerton, Matt Lucas, Sakisa, and Lenny Henry.

Speaker 50 What a crazy group of guests we've had on.

Speaker 40 I imagine.

Speaker 58 the way in which I was brought up, right, was in a very nutritionally deficient way.

Speaker 58 I was raised on like turkey dinosaurs and microchips and spam.

Speaker 58 And my family are obsessed with cheese on a plate.

Speaker 61 Love it.

Speaker 58 So there's nothing else happened apart from it being melted cheese on a plate. That's it.

Speaker 6 So, I mean, I've never heard of melted cheese on a plate as a side dish.

Speaker 65 I absolutely love this.

Speaker 48 How are they melting the cheese?

Speaker 67 Are they melting the cheese separately and then pouring it onto the plate, or is it on the plate to stick the whole plate under the grill?

Speaker 58 The cheese is on the plate and it just goes straight under the grill. The cheese melts on the plate.
That is, that is considered a bit of tea.

Speaker 53 So the plate must be like boiling hot, so you can't touch the plate, you're gonna burn yourself.

Speaker 70 Yeah. So

Speaker 44 have you all got a fork and you're getting yourself a bit of cheese and eating it?

Speaker 66 Or what's going on?

Speaker 47 I can't even picture.

Speaker 40 In my head, it's this flat bit of cheese.

Speaker 73 Yeah.

Speaker 74 Are you grating it onto?

Speaker 69 Because I'm imagining the cheese is getting grated onto the plate, then grilled. Or is it just a block of cheese on the plate and then that melts?

Speaker 58 It's just a block of cheese on the plate.

Speaker 76 A block.

Speaker 77 And then it gets melted.

Speaker 58 You often will just like put a tea towel under the plate so it's bearable and then crack on with the melted cheese.

Speaker 80 Just eat that.

Speaker 81 It's just Welsh fondue, basically, isn't it?

Speaker 58 Yeah, totally. Cheese on a plate, babes.

Speaker 82 Working

Speaker 58 Welsh fare.

Speaker 43 Cheddar?

Speaker 69 Is it Cheddar? Is that what we're talking here?

Speaker 77 Oh, it's probably a bit of cathedral city.

Speaker 83 It's nothing posh, you know.

Speaker 84 Yeah, yeah.

Speaker 85 Lovely. Wow.

Speaker 73 Say I'm hungover and I'm having a curry.

Speaker 88 I mean, I'll introduce mayonnaise to a curry.

Speaker 89 Ah, yeah.

Speaker 90 Wow.

Speaker 91 Or I'll put it on.

Speaker 93 I mean, people who don't put mayonnaise on pizza drive me up the wall.

Speaker 60 What?

Speaker 94 So I.

Speaker 94 Yeah, no,

Speaker 43 I know what you mean, actually.

Speaker 43 People who don't put jam on a burger annoying.

Speaker 100 No, I can't. Are you these people?

Speaker 73 The history books are full of people everyone said was mad until they invented the light bulb or something.

Speaker 46 Sure, yeah.

Speaker 55 It's similar.

Speaker 103 It's exactly like that.

Speaker 88 You know, if you've got a pizza, particularly I feel if it's like a frozen pizza that's a bit uninspiring, if you take a big old dollar per mayonnaise from a jar and you just spread it on top like butter over a crumpet,

Speaker 86 I promise you, it's going to take that thing to the next level.

Speaker 93 You've got to just expand the way you're thinking because the components are the same as a sandwich. It's bread, it's a tomato sauce, it's meat, it's veg.

Speaker 106 It's all the same thing.

Speaker 93 It's just in a slightly different form.

Speaker 73 And you would never go, you're putting mayonnaise on a sandwich, you're heathen.

Speaker 46 Yeah.

Speaker 45 Do you know what I mean? But listen.

Speaker 53 I'm open to the idea.

Speaker 107 I like that you do it.

Speaker 110 I think the issue that we had is people who don't put mayonnaise on a pizza doom are headed.

Speaker 95 Like, Like, because that's everybody except you, Taron.

Speaker 30 Okay, all right. Okay.

Speaker 111 Well, perhaps I may have been a little bit overzealous in the introduction of the idea, but

Speaker 88 I would encourage everyone to try it.

Speaker 113 So when you're preparing for a film role and being healthy, it's pretty easy.

Speaker 48 You just cut out mayonnaise slab of pizzas.

Speaker 47 Yeah, that's the way I lose the first start.

Speaker 81 Because I like, you know, when you're ordering a pizza and sometimes you can get dips and stuff.

Speaker 39 Sometimes you'll be able to get like a sriracha mayo or something like that to dip the crusts.

Speaker 65 I love that.

Speaker 9 yeah and then i thought maybe tarrum means like a drizzle all round like you know sometimes you'll do that as well you'll do that but at no point did i expect you to say you're getting the mayo and you're spreading it over the full surface of the pizza like an extra topping like and i do quote a crumpet yeah

Speaker 88 i mean it really it does depend in what mode i'm in but yeah if i'm if i'm if i'm really going for it yeah that's perfectly possible is that is that hang that's hangover food right that's hangover yeah you know when it feels like tomorrow is never going to come anyway so it doesn't matter and then inevitably monday morning does come and you feel disgusting.

Speaker 118 And not only are you still hungover, you've had a mayonnaise-covered crumpet pizza.

Speaker 72 Exactly.

Speaker 88 And you're wondering why you're sat in your flat alone.

Speaker 25 Mutzable soup, lovely.

Speaker 120 Lovely.

Speaker 25 And I make it myself now.

Speaker 84 Ah.

Speaker 25 So I'd actually like rather obnoxiously and conceitedly to have my own mutsuble soup.

Speaker 72 Oh, absolutely.

Speaker 3 Well, it's chicken soup.

Speaker 113 It's like a consummate, is it? Very good.

Speaker 72 Yes, it's chicken soup.

Speaker 70 I mean, I can take you through the whole process.

Speaker 94 Please, please, please.

Speaker 121 Very dull. Oh, no.

Speaker 25 Our listeners will love it because because people can then go away and make it themselves all right okay so this is this is what I recommend right okay so what you need is so I've got a giant pot because I was making this every week and it's a kerfuffle right and it's a probably 36 hours before from when you start making it to when you can eat really start eating it and I was doing it every week and then getting four portions out of it and so um am i allowed to cough yeah yeah okay one sec

Speaker 124 and then Imagine if we said no.

Speaker 126 Wow.

Speaker 3 And I thought my voice was a bit like this as I've been holding in all the phlegm.

Speaker 70 You know, the power that we had on this pot.

Speaker 25 It's intense and

Speaker 128 very sexual.

Speaker 25 I bought a big 32-litre pot from Amazon.

Speaker 121 I really recommend Amazon, by the way.

Speaker 129 Oh, yeah.

Speaker 25 It's very good. It's a website.

Speaker 37 And yes, www.

Speaker 6 And is the dot, do you write out dot?

Speaker 72 You write out the word dot.

Speaker 89 The word dot.

Speaker 129 Yes, yeah.

Speaker 25 Short for dot cotton.

Speaker 70 I used to do that terrible.

Speaker 25 I used to say the EastEnders website is www.eastenders.cotton.

Speaker 108 Yeah, that's funny.

Speaker 124 Yeah, it's funny.

Speaker 25 It'll never not be funny.

Speaker 66 Oh, never, sorry.

Speaker 25 I mean, it'll never be funny. So I buy this big pot from Amazon and then I go to Panzer's Delicatessen in St.
John's Wood because there you can buy not just chicken, you can buy kosher chicken, right?

Speaker 25 But also boiler chicken. So what you're actually buying is quite an old chicken, which is quite lean, doesn't have a lot of meat on it, because it's really all about the bones and

Speaker 25 the giblets and all that kind of stuff.

Speaker 25 So what I do is I've got this big pot and then what some people do is they put the water in and they sort of boil, they bring the water to a boil with the chicken in it, in the pot, and then they skim the surface because all the kind of foam, that coagulant you know if you ever boil chicken in water it just it foams up like a Matey bubble bath but a kind of rancid Matey bubble bath righty yeah yeah and some people skim that foam off but what I don't do that what I do is I decant the chicken into another pot because I don't want any of that yeah so the first 20 to 30 minutes of the boil actually

Speaker 25 You just see all the grease on top and everything and the foam and everything.

Speaker 124 I'm just like, don't want to get rid of that.

Speaker 25 And that, I think, is when Vietnamese people make pho.

Speaker 25 I always say pho, but it's pho.

Speaker 45 That means pho, yeah.

Speaker 91 Pho.

Speaker 25 Or Japanese people make ramen. I don't think they skim off the top.
They decant into another

Speaker 25 pot, right? Which is why the broth is kind of clear and lighter that way.

Speaker 25 So what's going on is in the main pot, while the chicken is having its first 20 to 30 minutes being brought to the boil to get rid of the foam and the first bit of fat, in the small pot, In the big pot goes, everything peeled, carrots, celery, onion, spring onion, leek,

Speaker 25 sometimes swede, parsnip, those things, right?

Speaker 121 But I bought these things, again, off amazon.com called soup socks, which are small nets.

Speaker 26 right that you wear while you're cooking that you wear

Speaker 25 they're small nets and you put all your vegetables into a net and then you tie up the top. So it's like a sort of stocking with all the veg in it.
Right.

Speaker 25 And what that means is that the veg doesn't sort of soften so much and sort of distributes around the soup.

Speaker 25 It keeps it all together and also means at the very end of the soup you can take out just one big sort of sock of veg. Yeah.
Rather than you're trying to sort of slowly scoop out bit by bit by bit.

Speaker 69 What are you doing with the sock of veg after you take it out?

Speaker 25 Right, so we're not there yet. Slap some of it, that's it.
So I do, um,

Speaker 87 uh, well, I'll tell you.

Speaker 25 Once the chicken has coagulated, that's added to the main soup. So we've got a giant pot with a whole chicken in, sometimes two chickens, right?

Speaker 25 And loads and loads and loads and loads and loads of vegetables in a sock. Yes.
Then I add some salt and I add some pepper, add a tiny bit of brown sugar, and I add some Maggie seasoning.

Speaker 60 Oh.

Speaker 25 You know, Maggie's seasoning?

Speaker 135 Yeah. It's sort of a bit like soy sauce.

Speaker 25 If you don't have any Maggie's seasoning, put a bit of soy sauce in. And then I do add a bit of a cheat, some OSM chicken powder, which is like a sort of powdered stock.

Speaker 25 And I add a bit of that for flavor. And then I kind of let it all simmer.
I bring it to the boil and I let it simmer for several hours. Oh, nice.
Several hours.

Speaker 25 And then at the end of that, I take it off the stove and I let it cool down overnight.

Speaker 25 And then the next day, and it's quite good actually if you make this in winter or when it's a cold day, because the next day you come and hopefully the top of the soup has sort of hardened a little bit.

Speaker 25 The fat has risen to the top and hardened.

Speaker 121 And then you skim all that off, takes a little while, and that's your soup.

Speaker 25 But what I don't do is use all those kind of mushy veg. What I'll do is I'll boil new vegetables, put it in the soup when I'm having the soup.
And that is the most boring five minutes of your life.

Speaker 9 No, it's really not though, because I was there with you while you were making making it.

Speaker 48 This is the bread and butter of this podcast.

Speaker 124 Yeah, and I freeze it.

Speaker 25 So then I put it into portions and I'll freeze it, and I might get 25 portions of that. And I'll do that in October, and that's my soup for the winter.

Speaker 25 And it's good for about six months, and then after that, it's not as good. You can still eat it, but it's just not as good.

Speaker 25 And then I'll make mutzer balls, which are the great, lovely sort of carb of the soup.

Speaker 25 And I'll also add noodles and then I will add a carrot when I'm eating it and some chicken breast I'll add as well.

Speaker 121 This is great.

Speaker 128 It's good. It's good.

Speaker 137 It's about one particular party, which is a house party. I talk about food in this part, in this show, in one section of it,

Speaker 137 because I think there's a massive difference between, I don't want to sound like I'm being discriminative against white people.

Speaker 137 It's just from my own experience, okay? Just from my own experience. I think there's

Speaker 137 a difference of when white people have house parties in the food that they put in that party compared to um black people because i have been to several um house parties quotes uh where i've been told you don't need to eat

Speaker 137 and i've turned up and there's been cold sausage rolls uh pineapples on sticks

Speaker 3 keep talking yeah

Speaker 142 yeah quiche

Speaker 47 yeah like

Speaker 137 what and there's been hubbus like four different types of hubbus Whoa.

Speaker 141 And bread and like cheese, just different types of cheese.

Speaker 137 But I'm like, okay, this is not food.

Speaker 94 And I've had to order like a delivery to get to the party.

Speaker 34 Have you genuinely gone to a house party and ordered a delivery for yourself before?

Speaker 40 Yeah.

Speaker 136 Don't look at me like that. Don't look at me like I'm mad, Sakita.

Speaker 144 You looked at me like I was mad.

Speaker 136 I'm impressed.

Speaker 6 I think it's an amazing move.

Speaker 62 I've ordered a dominoes

Speaker 137 to a birthday party that I didn't know anyone at the party.

Speaker 146 And was the dominoes, this is a key question, just for you or for the party?

Speaker 46 Yeah.

Speaker 128 I think you already know the answer.

Speaker 136 Yeah, I do. Yeah.

Speaker 30 And well done, well done.

Speaker 45 Did you keep it just for you?

Speaker 147 Or did someone else get in on it?

Speaker 149 The person I was dating at the time had some.

Speaker 62 One slice.

Speaker 73 Before you realised.

Speaker 45 Yeah, because I was like, wait, sure, your fault. You told me not to eat.

Speaker 135 So this is your fault.

Speaker 137 i've ordered a kfc to a house party before um if there's no adequate food for me

Speaker 137 then so what is good house party food for me you've got to have at least minimum three different types of chicken yeah

Speaker 55 when you say types what are you talking about What do you mean?

Speaker 136 The cut of the chicken, the flavor of the chicken, where the restaurant is coming from, what different types of chicken?

Speaker 48 Oh, God.

Speaker 137 Okay, we're going to go. So I feel like this is now going to go into like chicken

Speaker 137 will just be about chicken which is fair enough

Speaker 153 Why don't they say different types of chicken?

Speaker 137 Like obviously there's fried chicken, jerk chicken, barbecue chicken,

Speaker 137 roast chicken, wings, which is separate by the way.

Speaker 6 So we're not gonna get started on wings.

Speaker 43 You say you're like, we can't go down that round.

Speaker 91 No, we can't do it.

Speaker 137 You gotta cater for the vegans nowadays.

Speaker 137 So you're gonna have the wing or like the chakan.

Speaker 100 With the K in it. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Speaker 94 The chair.

Speaker 136 Yeah.

Speaker 94 With the K in it.

Speaker 63 The fate chicken. The cha'can.

Speaker 136 You've got to have that.

Speaker 137 And then you've got like stewed chicken, curry chicken. There's different types of chicken.

Speaker 63 Yeah.

Speaker 137 But you have to have a minimum of three

Speaker 148 at a house party.

Speaker 67 What's your top three that you want to see when you're walking to a house party?

Speaker 48 If they've only got three, what three types of chicken are you after?

Speaker 69 And we know cold chicken drumsticks as a given with no seasoning.

Speaker 71 Yeah.

Speaker 100 Do you want me to walk out of the podcast?

Speaker 156 Do you actually want me to walk out of this podcast?

Speaker 157 I was just giving you a freebie.

Speaker 133 James, baked chicken breast.

Speaker 38 Oh, boy. With a bit of ketchup to dip it in?

Speaker 94 Oh, babe.

Speaker 158 Now you're just egging me on.

Speaker 92 No, no, no, no, no.

Speaker 148 Okay. So if you're at a house party.

Speaker 137 I will say you can have chicken skewers. I will allow that.
Yeah, you can have chicken skewers, fried chicken, and chicken wings.

Speaker 80 Minimum.

Speaker 94 Yeah.

Speaker 46 Minimum.

Speaker 137 And then obviously you've got to have the corslaw, potato salad, rice and peas, plain rice, macaroni pie, salad, curry goat,

Speaker 161 fish, dung.

Speaker 162 And all this.

Speaker 131 It's all, I mean, needless to say, but it's all like store-bought stuff.

Speaker 104 Just like in the tubs.

Speaker 41 Maybe the potato salad and the corslaw if you haven't got time to make it but no okay no no no no no no so the thing is with all that at a house party you want to be moving around you want to be mingling which is why a little mini quiche

Speaker 63 is so convenient Sakisa just so you can take a little mini quiche pop it in your mouth chat chat chat chat chat yeah but you can chat with a plate in your hand if you're dancing with a mini quiche it wobbles in a really satisfying way and enhances the dance okay right you can dance with two carrot batons with hummus on the end.

Speaker 137 All right, so you eat at the beginning of the... Alright, so you tell people the house party is going to start at 8, which means it starts at 9.
So

Speaker 147 Ed's parties are not fun.

Speaker 114 We start at 9.

Speaker 43 How's it going to be over by 10.30?

Speaker 62 Boy, do you not need to throw it off menu house party, please?

Speaker 154 Please let it happen.

Speaker 137 And please, can I be invited?

Speaker 166 There'll be no judgment.

Speaker 94 Just me just writing some notes.

Speaker 137 Yeah, so you've got to like make sure you get enough food ready for the start of the party. And then if you want to, you can have leftovers for people to nibble at later on.

Speaker 137 But you people will normally eat at the beginning of a house party. Just have a on a plate, mingle, have a chat.

Speaker 137 And then the music is not like the banging dancing music at the beginning. It's just like the casual,

Speaker 137 good vibes. It's going to be a good night house party kind of music.
And then once everyone's finished, then you throw in the bangers.

Speaker 62 Yeah.

Speaker 137 And then everyone dances off the food that they just ate. Exercise, people.

Speaker 95 I already know what he's going to say.

Speaker 43 And by bangers.

Speaker 146 Do you mean mini cocktail sausages?

Speaker 94 Yeah.

Speaker 135 Nealey said it. Saw you open your mouth.

Speaker 40 Okay, he's got it.

Speaker 132 He's going to say cold cocktail sausage on a stick.

Speaker 75 Your dream main course.

Speaker 39 Now, we have a feeling this is going to be a home-cooked thing, though.

Speaker 84 This is mum.

Speaker 129 My mum was a great cook. She cooked the same thing every day for 30 years.
She had different days of the week. So

Speaker 129 Saturday was Saturday soup, which is what I'm going to choose.

Speaker 129 Sunday was a Jamaican roast, which is chicken and rice and peas and hard food, which is yam and chocho and sweet potato and stuff, dumplings.

Speaker 129 Monday, as we're starting to move out to the weekend and run out of money, it might be meat and potatoes and stuff. Tuesday, chicken.

Speaker 129 wednesday no money pilchards and white rice thursday really no money sardines

Speaker 129 sardines and potato friday fish and chips or a fish thing saturday saturday soup she did the same thing every day and we really look forward to saturday because we'd only just have pilchards so we're still we got ptsd from pilchers and pilchards and white rice we don't want to eat tinned fish and rice anymore please can we have something nice so we get to saturday oh thank god and she would get up in the morning and she'd put the mutton on the mutton has to simmer for quite a long time because quite tough meat so she'd simmer the mutton for a couple of hours until it was falling off the bone mutton thyme garlic onions simmer leave it then she'd when it was cooked then all the vegetables go in this is the yam yam is quite a fibrous carb carby white vegetable cut that up into blocks uh no kind of it's peasant food so you don't have to kind of be nice about it carrots the dumplings can go in now, and whatever other, you know, Scotch bonnet pepper maybe can go in.

Speaker 129 That goes in, half an hour, last 20 minutes, the potatoes go in. So you've got this quite big, I mean, we're talking literally a vat of food here with liquid in it.
And so we'd all get our own tureen.

Speaker 127 That's what I remember.

Speaker 129 We'd all get our enormous tureen of food and it would be the liquid and then potatoes, dumplings, yam, mutton, sometimes on the bone, sometimes if you're lucky, chunks of melty meat and carrots with the thyme and the garlic and everything.

Speaker 129 Oh my God.

Speaker 129 Every Saturday.

Speaker 129 So you'd eat this every Saturday and it kind of took on legendary proportions.

Speaker 129 And when I left home to be a professional comedian, I used to dream of it because I was eating Chinese and curry and stuff and going out to Greek restaurants and exploring other cuisines.

Speaker 129 But I did think, oh, my mum's food is up there with this. I can, you know, my mum's food is good.

Speaker 129 She had this thing where she would put beef in foil and put loads of vegetable aromatics around it, garlic and stuff, and pinch it and put it on a very low heat for hours.

Speaker 129 This food, this meat fell apart and it was delicious and tasty and succulent.

Speaker 106 So she was a clever cook.

Speaker 129 And I'd get home, I'd be in like Huddersfield and I'd drive home overnight and I'd get there Saturday morning and the soup would be on and I'd be going,

Speaker 129 oh, thank God. And I would just eat this soup and

Speaker 129 it would have that kind of sense feeling of home and safety and stability. And you'd eat it and you'd immediately fall asleep.
And you'd wake up when the wrestling was on.

Speaker 106 So you knew the soup would have been good if Mick McManus was punching somebody in the face when you woke up.

Speaker 161 So it was always that.

Speaker 129 And it's delicious and tasty and garlicky. And the meat was always succulent.
And you did suck the bone. And I know that sounds horrible.

Speaker 89 But there was stuff inside the bone, like the marrow that was always really tasty.

Speaker 129 And I think it was legendary that dish and i've tried to cook it me and my brother as we we try and do mom's cake as a thing in our family and nobody quite gets it right no one burns it enough

Speaker 129 uh we always think the burning is wrong but actually and we we do the soup and it this we can get close rust and eat a good saturday soup

Speaker 129 recipe but the saturday soup is the thing i would choose

Speaker 7 We've also had our fair share of disgusting sounding food.

Speaker 40 Here's Stanley Tucci, Josh Thomas and Alex Horne.

Speaker 170 And you know, we were in France and we ordered an Andouette. Do you know what that is? No.

Speaker 69 Do you know what it is?

Speaker 72 It's like a sausage but with horrid stuff in it, right?

Speaker 94 Yes, exactly.

Speaker 123 Yeah, and we didn't know that.

Speaker 170 So we ordered this thing and we thought, we thought, oh, we love Andree sausage.

Speaker 171 And Andree sausages in the South.

Speaker 170 In America, you get Andree sausages like New Orleans.

Speaker 130 It's really delicious. It's great.
We thought, great.

Speaker 170 So Andouriette must be a smaller version of an Andouille sausage.

Speaker 81 Everyone would assume that, surely.

Speaker 123 Everyone, yes.

Speaker 170 Anyone who

Speaker 170 has any kind of something.

Speaker 170 And so they bring this thing, and basically it looks like a horse cock.

Speaker 172 And I was like, what the fuck is that?

Speaker 130 What is that?

Speaker 123 And I look at Merrill and I go,

Speaker 170 that was not what I expected.

Speaker 123 She goes, no, no, no, no, no, no.

Speaker 40 We had all ordered it.

Speaker 123 We were like, okay, well, give it a try. We were thinking we were so worldly, like, oh, Andouette, yeah, yeah.

Speaker 170 Just cut it, put it in your mouth. Literally, it didn't even get past

Speaker 123 my uvula.

Speaker 131 And I spat it out.

Speaker 129 I was so, I was like,

Speaker 125 which sounded, that sounds really French.

Speaker 172 Yeah, it was, yeah, yeah.

Speaker 94 And all I was saying was,

Speaker 129 I was, it was so awful.

Speaker 170 And I was like, oh, God, what is that?

Speaker 123 That just tastes like, you know, shit.

Speaker 123 And Meryl goes, Yes, well, it does have a bit of the barnyard.

Speaker 94 And it was just awful.

Speaker 170 And we just couldn't eat it.

Speaker 123 And it felt so bad because the people were so nice in the restaurant, which is unusual for France. And the guy came over and he said, Are you enjoying it, Brothel?

Speaker 123 And we were like, Oh, yeah, it's fantastic.

Speaker 170 Yeah. You like the Andouette?

Speaker 117 I was like, Yeah, no, it's really good.

Speaker 170 It's just different from other Andouettes we've had. So, you know, and he goes,

Speaker 170 Would you like something else?

Speaker 68 Yes,

Speaker 33 Can we have four omelets?

Speaker 33 Yeah.

Speaker 73 I'm sure that happens multiple times a day.

Speaker 33 I'm sure, yeah, I'm sure.

Speaker 129 And some people, but it's prized by some people in that region.

Speaker 170 And I think Lyon, too, or something.

Speaker 130 You know, it's like, it's like this thing.

Speaker 170 They're devoted to it.

Speaker 176 But they're probably very proud of the fact that other people don't like it as well, right?

Speaker 123 Yes.

Speaker 170 Well, I wrote in the book, I said, it's the reasons the Germans left Normandy.

Speaker 123 Because we were in Normandy.

Speaker 170 I said, it wasn't the Allies' invasion.

Speaker 123 It was the fucking Andouette. Yeah.

Speaker 94 Drove them away.

Speaker 70 You know, episode of Bounder Brothers.

Speaker 89 It's like, oh, that's my angle.

Speaker 98 Get out of here.

Speaker 94 This is awful.

Speaker 94 Literally awful.

Speaker 138 I was in Tokyo. My friend had an exchange student that used to live with her there.
So they took us around. And so it was very hard for this whole thing to not be about that weekend.

Speaker 138 One of the things we tried, which is not what I'm putting on there, was Blowfish,

Speaker 138 which as you can imagine was very thrilling for me because I like food to be weird and dangerous.

Speaker 138 And blowfish can kill you.

Speaker 138 And it's not something you can just go out and eat, right? You need like the chefs have to train for like ages and ages. I don't need to explain how blowfish is is is we've all seen The Simpsons.

Speaker 138 Yeah, I've all seen The Simpsons, right?

Speaker 42 Yeah.

Speaker 138 And at this restaurant,'cause a lot of restaurants in Japan, you know, they just do one thing, which which is really fun. So if you go to a place called

Speaker 112 yeah, well someone do a caviar, they're not gonna be able to do it.

Speaker 89 They probably wouldn't caviar.

Speaker 172 Yeah, they yeah.

Speaker 138 Yeah, no, they that's not, um, yeah, um,

Speaker 42 and then

Speaker 42 they uh

Speaker 138 you know, they've got places that says mackerel, this place just says blowfish, and it's like multi-course, and they you get blowfish every way.

Speaker 138 So, like, you walk in, and all the tanks are like filled with blowfish around you, and then you sit down, and then you have blowfish every way imaginable.

Speaker 138 You get, um, like blowfish sashimi, like fried blowfish. They make like a soup at the table where they put the blowfish in, and they do, like, I think pansiered blowfish.

Speaker 138 I'm just making up different ways of cooking.

Speaker 138 Then they brought out blowfish testicles what

Speaker 138 and we ate uh blowfish testicles which are like this big white puffy balls you can like google them so do the testicles puff up with the fish i don't know whether the pep they they're like they're like big and kind of foamy and white and they've got like a kind of like the top has been kind of like i guess they put it under a grill or something so it's like a little like caramelized on top yeah and then uh testicle brulee sort of thing well i said caramelized i mean more like just browned a little bit and um there's no sugar in there you know So, how big in comparison to the blowfish itself?

Speaker 138 So,

Speaker 138 I think it must, when it cooks, blow up.

Speaker 40 Yeah, so it's like it's like it's like it's like half a half a fist.

Speaker 40 I can't remember.

Speaker 138 I don't know how to, that's not a good size metric.

Speaker 62 Yeah, bigger than you would think.

Speaker 30 Okay, I think that's that's all I need to know.

Speaker 43 Yeah, bigger than I would think.

Speaker 146 Bigger than you think. I'm thinking about it, and I've made it bigger.

Speaker 138 Yeah, there was like four of us, and we all had a bit of it.

Speaker 73 They gave you one.

Speaker 138 I think the whole time we're just eating one blowfish.

Speaker 153 Oh, wow.

Speaker 138 And they cross it out and you eat the whole blowfish. I don't know.
It's hard to really know.

Speaker 176 So they must give you two testicles, right?

Speaker 138 Yeah, I think there's two in the bowl.

Speaker 69 Actually, maybe we had three.

Speaker 138 So that doesn't make sense.

Speaker 108 Oh, I don't know anything about a blowfish. No.

Speaker 138 Join me in the Google and I'll show you a picture.

Speaker 178 It doesn't seem that interesting for people at home now, is it?

Speaker 162 I think I can safely say it's the last thing I want to see.

Speaker 138 So that was interesting.

Speaker 138 Oh, and then at the end, just when you think they've done it all, they had a dried blowfish fin and they dip it in sake and lit on fire and then put it back in the sake and then you drink the sake that's crazy i mean that guy was making it up as well

Speaker 138 guys we've got we've promised them 15 blowfish courses and we've really run out of stuff yeah dry the fin set it on fire put it in sake yeah did it change the flavor of the sake because you i didn't like it i didn't like sake back then yeah so i don't think i really i've only had it once or twice so it was you know now i love it but back then i didn't really like it so i don't know what it was meant to taste like or what it did i burnt myself out on it i did i'd never had it before Then I did like a tasting course thing at

Speaker 34 like this convention.

Speaker 176 You just go around and try all the different sake's.

Speaker 84 And then halfway through, I was like, I think I like sake.

Speaker 176 And then by the end, I was like, I'm never drinking this again.

Speaker 138 Did you ever have like the brown sake? Like the kind of more like...

Speaker 138 No, I had that once and never again.

Speaker 180 I had jellied sake.

Speaker 39 Have you had that before?

Speaker 48 You get it in little cans.

Speaker 1 I mean, little cans, and it's like lemon-flavoured jellied sake.

Speaker 89 I love that.

Speaker 181 That's a real treat.

Speaker 138 Yeah, sometimes they take that to like a picnic with my friends.

Speaker 81 Shake a little treat, you know.

Speaker 72 I does have a knife, but I love that one.

Speaker 89 Yeah, you'd have that one.

Speaker 176 You would love that one. I love the jelly one.

Speaker 138 You wouldn't otherwise have sake?

Speaker 40 No, I've had it, but I wasn't mad into it.

Speaker 138 But like, I feel like you get a lot of like a lot of the sake here is shit.

Speaker 126 Uh-huh.

Speaker 138 You know, and that's like a problem. And then, like, I know no one knows how to navigate their menu.
So it's like, how do you know what you're ordering?

Speaker 182 You know? Yeah.

Speaker 72 It's like. You can't look for the jellied one.

Speaker 179 Like sometimes people are like, I had sake.

Speaker 138 It was shit. It's like, but yeah, but if you have like two wines in your life, you're not going to like it.
Yeah.

Speaker 69 For your main course, you want the testicles.

Speaker 138 No.

Speaker 138 I want

Speaker 138 another thing we did that weekend.

Speaker 138 Well, another really special meal that weekend was we went to his grandma's house and his grandma made us like full Japanese breakfast with like all the little like containers of like miso salmon and rice and like pickles and all this stuff.

Speaker 115 That's amazing.

Speaker 138 That's really good. And like an old like Japanese town.
That's like a real dream. But my favorite thing I ate there, because one of my favorite Japanese foods is eel on rice.

Speaker 138 You know, with like the barbecue sauce. Yeah.

Speaker 138 And

Speaker 138 they took us to this place and it's like a little, it's like in the country it's like a little like Japanese kind of style like kind of like building like you'd imagine and then because we're tourists they take us out the back and they had like hundreds of um eels in these tanks like slithering around and there was blood everywhere and then um you order the eel and they like kill it and cook it there in the little hut

Speaker 138 and then um

Speaker 138 that and that's what i'm having

Speaker 50 bring out the napkin

Speaker 184 yeah you don't want to get under a napkin for this no

Speaker 157 Well, it's fine to eat it.

Speaker 40 That was a lot of blood.

Speaker 51 Yeah, it was like we ordered it and then they took us out.

Speaker 138 Yeah, that was more blood than we probably wanted. But it's the best eel you've ever had.

Speaker 106 Oh, yeah, I'm sure.

Speaker 138 And it's one of my favorite dishes. So it's like the best version of

Speaker 138 my best dish.

Speaker 162 Yeah, yeah, that's fair.

Speaker 48 Is it freshwater eel?

Speaker 66 Is it unagi? Is that right?

Speaker 40 Is that the word?

Speaker 138 I guess so. Yeah.

Speaker 29 It's really delicious.

Speaker 48 I know with the barbecue on top and it's really delicious stuff.

Speaker 138 It's really nice. And I feel like it's never like.

Speaker 138 I know some of these things I feel like you're never getting that good quality because there's like so much sauce in it. Why would they bother?

Speaker 120 Okay.

Speaker 101 Yeah, yeah.

Speaker 93 It's like

Speaker 74 you get

Speaker 138 food quarts and stuff.

Speaker 89 And it's like, it's delicious anyway.

Speaker 117 Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

Speaker 81 You know?

Speaker 31 But

Speaker 6 you need it in the blood hut.

Speaker 30 You need it in the blood hut. Yeah, yeah, that adds something.

Speaker 138 It's like you really have to go to a special place to get them to kill the eel fresh.

Speaker 132 Yeah, yeah.

Speaker 128 You just don't see that much.

Speaker 138 You don't see that much, you know?

Speaker 185 Yeah, the fresher the better.

Speaker 108 You wanna want to see it's the look in its eyes

Speaker 138 as it realizes and then you get to eat it yeah yeah

Speaker 51 okay found a heel from the blood hut it is

Speaker 28 we're gonna have the liquid from a moule mariniere

Speaker 28 stirred in with some bread sauce because they're the two nicest liquids in the world wow I've seen you drink beer though in the past. Yeah, but that's because you can't often get what I want.

Speaker 84 I always ask for it.

Speaker 28 So do you have any milmarinier juice mixed with bread sauce mixed with bread sauce no because this is a fancy restaurant and that's what i'd always wanted to have in a cup maybe with some bailey's so this is our second christmas episode of this year well you've done that wrong we do two christmas episodes every year do you yeah who's in the other one melt you've done it right mel also chose to drink bread sauce at one point really yeah yeah not for her drink drink not for her drink drink for her christmas dinner

Speaker 28 sauce is great don't understand it well my wife had it the first time at my house, our first Christmas together, when Sheila made it, and she couldn't believe it.

Speaker 28 She said, this is going to be horrible, and she loves it.

Speaker 133 Well, it sounds mad.

Speaker 48 If you've never heard of bread sauce, bread sauce?

Speaker 72 You'd think that's butter.

Speaker 162 It's crazy.

Speaker 115 Well, your wife must have thought, you know, being a Catholic, it was liquid body of Christ.

Speaker 75 Bread sauce.

Speaker 28 They do call it bread sometimes, don't they? But it's definitely not bread. Yeah.

Speaker 72 That was what he broke first of all at the last supper.

Speaker 186 He didn't have those wafers on hand.

Speaker 40 No.

Speaker 104 He was like, but he broke the bread and said, eat this in remembrance of me as my body.

Speaker 28 I've got huge regrets for for ordering that in the restaurant.

Speaker 89 Yeah?

Speaker 48 But you're okay with the Mulmariniere and bread sauce combination.

Speaker 55 Yeah, this is a good thing. I don't think I have to know what the offense is.

Speaker 69 I think that's the slop that you just invented.

Speaker 37 Don't call it slop, please.

Speaker 106 How are you?

Speaker 48 Are you consuming it in like sort of a pewter tankard in a mug, like a cup of tea?

Speaker 72 Because it's obviously a hot drink.

Speaker 28 An engraved pewter tankard.

Speaker 34 An engraved pewter tankard.

Speaker 48 What's the engraved?

Speaker 72 I didn't have it as hot though. You want cold bread?

Speaker 66 Well, that's congealed if it's cold.

Speaker 28 Not if it's stirred through the Mule Mariniere juice.

Speaker 72 But cold.

Speaker 112 So you'd rather have it cold.

Speaker 28 It's a drink.

Speaker 72 You don't have hot hot drinks

Speaker 28 do you good point yeah cold and a tankard and i'll have the engraving of the date that i'm eating this okay big letters yeah fully spelt out we're not letters we're not doing the numbers no numbers no the fifth of december and then we're right out 2022 yeah do you imagine it coming out of a tap like a pint no pre-mixed or do you want to no rain is making it jay

Speaker 75 he's still on the shelf jay rain is making it for you.

Speaker 28 Yeah, so he's got a Vat of Mooma in the air, ditching the mussels, putting them back in the sea,

Speaker 28 and then confusing the muscle population. And then, yeah, just big vat of that, bubbling away.
Then bread sauce goes in, glug of bailey's, put it in the freezer.

Speaker 130 So we are having a glig of bailey. Yes, Bailey's just going in there.

Speaker 84 Rain is going in.

Speaker 75 Is it still Christmas?

Speaker 40 No. Yeah.

Speaker 45 Yes. But it can be.

Speaker 55 Yeah.

Speaker 40 It's on the 5th of December.

Speaker 45 It says so on the cup.

Speaker 44 Yeah, yeah.

Speaker 28 So it's a prelude to Christmas. Yeah, and then it goes in the freezer for two weeks.

Speaker 45 No, one week, one day.

Speaker 127 How long does it take to get cold?

Speaker 45 A day.

Speaker 165 Well, then it's frozen.

Speaker 37 Then you're having a frozen.

Speaker 28 Room temperature, I want.

Speaker 150 Put it in a room.

Speaker 172 Perfect.

Speaker 28 Put it in a room, and then when it's the same temperature as the room, I'll drink it.

Speaker 127 Yeah, lovely.

Speaker 70 You won't give it a little stir.

Speaker 72 I will give it a little stir.

Speaker 46 I think it'd be quite curdled.

Speaker 48 I think the Baileys might curdle, say, in that case.

Speaker 65 Right, look at that.

Speaker 80 I will not look at it.

Speaker 133 Would you feel that going down?

Speaker 45 Oh, I'll tell you what I do like as well.

Speaker 130 It's a coke float.

Speaker 28 It'll have the consistency of a coke float.

Speaker 85 Yeah. Right.

Speaker 39 Sure, it was going going to go, the baits will float to the top.

Speaker 51 Yeah.

Speaker 72 Bitty.

Speaker 118 Bit scubby. Yeah.

Speaker 28 But it'll feel good in your tummy. And that's the point.

Speaker 127 And that's why we're all here.

Speaker 75 The thing is, I think you're in danger of people demanding that you actually do this for real and drink it because you will.

Speaker 84 People

Speaker 115 you would do this.

Speaker 28 I would long to do this.

Speaker 28 I really liked Mulmarin Year juice. And I really like bread sauce and I really like Baileys.

Speaker 172 Yeah.

Speaker 28 And I never understand the idea that if you like things and mix them together, you suddenly don't like them.

Speaker 37 Like, when is that ever true?

Speaker 189 when

Speaker 40 or like oh

Speaker 40 this this now for example as a child i liked milk and orange juice i mixed them together once it tasted so disgusting that i hid under the table orange milkshake you don't get orange milkshake do you no you hid under the table yeah yeah for how long uh not that long but like enough that it's me on my own in the kitchen but like i hated it so much that i just hid under the table

Speaker 94 i went under the table

Speaker 28 i don't think i'm hiding under the table after drinking this no i think i think you might be climbing on the table i think we're gonna have to sort out some situation where you drink it and we film it to be honest and And I get on the table.

Speaker 130 And you get it. Yeah.

Speaker 28 Get on the table. I don't mind drinking that.

Speaker 69 I want to drink that.

Speaker 130 Yeah, it sounds like you do.

Speaker 7 Absolutely disgusting.

Speaker 50 Oh, Alex Horne is a gross man and should never be allowed on a podcast ever again.

Speaker 81 But speaking of disgusting, James, let's keep going with it because pee-poo and private parts are never far from our guests' minds at the Dream Restaurant.

Speaker 56 Don't blame us. It's the guest's choice.

Speaker 71 Here's Adam Buxton, Amy Gledhill, Professor Brian Cox, Dane Baptiste, Felicity Ward, Chloe Petts, Stanley Tucci, Alex Horn, Rina Soriyama, Esther Menito, and Flo and Joan.

Speaker 74 That is a lot of toilet humour.

Speaker 6 Well, it's even more toilet humour because we're going to have some Maisie Adam and Alison Spetle in this bit.

Speaker 95 We had to turn the page, there was so much toilet humor.

Speaker 190 It's the way you do it.

Speaker 171 Like, you know, if you write a good food song or do a good fart joke, mate, life doesn't get better.

Speaker 191 Oh, then allow me to ask you this, Adam. At the end of this meal, are you going to do a big stinky fart and shit in your pants?

Speaker 190 I'm not going to shit in my pants. That's never.
So far, that hasn't been a problem.

Speaker 28 I'm looking forward very much to that day.

Speaker 180 Have I ever shat in my pants?

Speaker 190 I'm just trying to think. I I want to be honest.

Speaker 46 I don't want to be because of food.

Speaker 16 Let's keep it, you know, let's keep it on the theme.

Speaker 6 Have you ever shatten your pants because of food, Adam?

Speaker 191 Yeah, you're doing a big, glorious fart, and you're really enjoying the farts.

Speaker 193 There's like a triumphant moment at the end of the meal, and then you shit your pants.

Speaker 194 You see how happy it's made me?

Speaker 61 And me, to be fair, it's right up both of our straights.

Speaker 194 Shifting in my pants.

Speaker 4 Shifting in my pants.

Speaker 90 No,

Speaker 190 I never have. I only ever shat in my PJs because I was on antibiotics for an earache.
And I was watching The Man Who Fell to Earth with my mum. I was 11 years old.

Speaker 190 It was already embarrassing because David Bowie was getting his knob out.

Speaker 171 I thought it was going to be like Star Wars with David Bowie, i.e.

Speaker 28 the perfect film.

Speaker 190 Turned out to be very pretentious and arty and difficult to understand. plus long extremely embarrassing sex scene towards the beginning of the film that I had to watch in total silence with my mum.

Speaker 25 And then I felt my stomach rumbling and thought it was a fart and went to enable the fart and then discovered that it was not a fart.

Speaker 60 No. It was

Speaker 171 some bad stinking lava

Speaker 94 from my insides.

Speaker 8 As if watching a sex scene with your mum in the room is not embarrassing enough. You then shut your pajamas.

Speaker 46 Like a nightmare.

Speaker 94 It wasn't good.

Speaker 191 Imagine all the times I've been watching films, and my parents have been sexy and sending them up in embarrassed. I can only imagine during that point shitting on

Speaker 139 thinking, oh, this is so awkward.

Speaker 4 Oh, no.

Speaker 61 Oh, no.

Speaker 190 It's such a strange scene as well.

Speaker 180 It's like it's Rip Torn.

Speaker 94 You know who Rip Torn is, right?

Speaker 190 Marty from the Larry Sanders show.

Speaker 28 And he is playing a kind of aging college professor.

Speaker 190 And he's having an affair with one of his students, so it's already fairly unsavory.

Speaker 190 And they start bonking and taking photographs of each other, and it gets very animalistic, and they're sort of shouting and grunting and squealing. And the whole scene is intercut with Bowie in

Speaker 190 maybe a Japanese restaurant having a bowl of soup and watching some kabuki dancers

Speaker 171 shouting and screaming at each other as well.

Speaker 89 It's very odd.

Speaker 80 So you'd like correct?

Speaker 73 And then there's the

Speaker 66 boiler.

Speaker 40 And then next to the blender this time was this pack and chili heat with Doritos.

Speaker 69 And it was like folded down.

Speaker 186 So someone had, you know, that's quite mindful. Yeah.

Speaker 45 Whoever did that.

Speaker 72 This could be a new true crime podcast, couldn't it? Yeah.

Speaker 130 I think it's a broadcast then.

Speaker 198 Broadcast.

Speaker 199 I mean, in my head, I'm just thinking, is your girlfriend having an affair with someone who's very mindful and eats chili heat with Doritos?

Speaker 130 Yeah. Good point.

Speaker 201 That list, if you're listening to this, you dip-loving motherfucker.

Speaker 109 I'm gonna feed those Doritos to you up your ass.

Speaker 202 It's Jesus again.

Speaker 129 Again, you'll be believing in Jesus when I'm done.

Speaker 126 I mean, you motherfuck.

Speaker 48 I hate to go down this road, but shape and flavoring.

Speaker 29 I think the chili heat wave Dorito would be the worst crisps to have pushed up your ass.

Speaker 72 Yep.

Speaker 4 Oh, gosh.

Speaker 40 Don't you think? Yeah.

Speaker 1 Corners and spice.

Speaker 201 Let's see. What would I not like up there more?

Speaker 120 Crisp-wise.

Speaker 130 We can all think this.

Speaker 169 Yeah.

Speaker 66 I wouldn't like a chipstick.

Speaker 46 That's perfect.

Speaker 45 Oh, the salt and vinegar too much.

Speaker 89 Shape-wise, it's perfect.

Speaker 53 Shape-wise, it's perfect to go up your ass.

Speaker 112 But the salt and the vinegar and the, you know, it's quite a rough texture.

Speaker 37 I think almost it would...

Speaker 39 How easy it goes up your ass would be a problem.

Speaker 72 I think consistency-wise, it would disintegrate quickly enough for it to not be an issue.

Speaker 6 Same with the skip. A skip's dissolved, depending on how moist your house is, a skip is dissolving immediately on contact with any anus.

Speaker 108 Yeah, that's not even making it in.

Speaker 65 That's melting. Not on your wet anus.

Speaker 94 Not on my

Speaker 75 absolute swamp of an anus.

Speaker 75 It does look a bit like...

Speaker 69 Yeah, Benito's just pointed out. It does look a bit like an anus.
A skip.

Speaker 84 So it would just think it's meeting one of its...

Speaker 46 It would fall in love.

Speaker 203 It would fall in love when it sees the button.

Speaker 66 Heard them melt.

Speaker 157 Yeah, who would?

Speaker 204 Oh, I want to see that as like an animated short.

Speaker 94 Yeah.

Speaker 94 Before it picks up.

Speaker 46 It's almost some inanimate object singing about being in love, isn't it? Yeah.

Speaker 65 Falling in love with an anus.

Speaker 189 A little song about it.

Speaker 33 And his heart melting.

Speaker 72 I think Heat Wave Doritos is the worst.

Speaker 69 Amy, do you have a

Speaker 69 crisp that you'd like to shout out?

Speaker 108 Worst up the ass.

Speaker 204 Worst and best. Worsties and besties.

Speaker 199 The only thing similar to a sort of chilly heat wave thing, but maybe a worse shape, maybe a better shape, is the flaming hot monster munch, you know, because it's the monster claw because they're quite thick.

Speaker 46 Yeah, it would literally grab on, wouldn't it?

Speaker 106 It would, yeah.

Speaker 168 It would grab right on.

Speaker 199 So I think that would be quite bad.

Speaker 200 Good. Do you know what?

Speaker 202 One of the little cheese balls.

Speaker 89 Yeah, yeah.

Speaker 61 You know what?

Speaker 82 You know what, if I had to,

Speaker 206 if you're making me, just pop one of them up there. Yeah.
You know what I mean? It's not going to disintegrate like escape.

Speaker 205 I don't know why you'd not want it to disintegrate, but yeah, just a little cheese ball.

Speaker 69 It'd be easier to load someone up with them.

Speaker 73 Yeah.

Speaker 73 Oh, you could load them up with them.

Speaker 55 Load them up like a Pez dispenser.

Speaker 48 Yeah, yeah.

Speaker 69 You can pop them in one after the other.

Speaker 210 Have we covered that?

Speaker 40 We ask that every week.

Speaker 61 Yep. Yeah.

Speaker 176 Nice and spicy knickknacks would be a nightmare because

Speaker 81 they're random, aren't they?

Speaker 176 You never know which way they're gonna go.

Speaker 130 Sure. Oh, that's true.

Speaker 69 I wouldn't know what to expect every time.

Speaker 199 But they wouldn't dissolve like a chipstick.

Speaker 79 No, I think

Speaker 205 they're solid.

Speaker 39 They'd maintain their structural integrity.

Speaker 199 It's sort of knobbly. Maybe that's nice, actually.

Speaker 72 Yeah, actually, maybe I'm thinking about the best of the best.

Speaker 205 I once ate a whole pack of prawn cocktail Pringles and it took all the skin off the inside of my lips.

Speaker 40 Oh my gosh.

Speaker 161 Yeah, I know.

Speaker 206 And do you know what?

Speaker 199 I did it. I've done it two or three times,

Speaker 213 which is terrible.

Speaker 199 But thinking of that near the sensitive parts of your bone,

Speaker 207 that's going to be a nightmare.

Speaker 33 Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Speaker 111 I think, you know, fool me once in that scenario.

Speaker 104 You've taken the skid off your lips three times.

Speaker 84 Yeah.

Speaker 104 Don't be putting it anywhere else.

Speaker 37 So chips and dips.

Speaker 76 Chips and dips.

Speaker 199 Chips and dips, yes, please.

Speaker 37 But specifically sour cream dip.

Speaker 205 Yeah, something cooling.

Speaker 199 I think, you know, when you're at a buffet and there's like big bowls of of crisps and you and I I just get so hungry I think well I'll have one and then it's just it's like oh this is brilliant and you don't want to stop and then if the main meals coming I think you're like prepped ready mentally yeah to devour

Speaker 150 to feast yeah

Speaker 115 you know it is a good dip as well I'm thinking of the you know when you buy the multi pack of this oh yeah there's some weird ones in there yeah like that's there's like thousand island one in there they're never selling that individually so why is it in the multi-pack well it's always the fourth one that's the weird one right you got guacamole salsa sour cream and then the fourth one like a pink one that's anyone's game yeah the pink one's a thousand island right yes that's all i'm thinking of yeah or it's another sour cream one but it's got cheese in it this time oh yeah

Speaker 37 it's got cheese in it yeah like bits of grated cheese so yeah it's always the fourth one they need to do it they just just should just do a triple one yeah either do a triple one or get us a put hummus in the fourth one or something and then everyone likes hummus you said hummus earlier yeah it's a surely that in the dip charts yeah is knocking around sometimes number one i'd say for people yeah yeah why is that not the fourth one although there's not many crisps i'd say that can handle dipping in hummus especially if you're scooping sure

Speaker 69 even a dorito i think if you're pushing it down into hummus and trying to scoop it out especially if the hummus has been in the fridge you're snapping off you've just got a tip of dorito left that's that's a nightmare like how do you feel explain like to the listener your emotional journey when you dip a chip in and it snaps and now you're just left with the corner of a Dorito and the rest of it's in the in the dip.

Speaker 200 Well, you feel like an idiot, don't you?

Speaker 82 You feel like an absolute idiot.

Speaker 199 You feel like the person that's run for the bus and missed it and everyone's looked out of the window being like, you stupid, pathetic woman.

Speaker 207 But there is a there is a way around it.

Speaker 199 And you get two Doritos of a similar shape, similar size. You put them next to each other, you scoop them together, you double Dorito in.

Speaker 94 Oh, I'd not even thought of that.

Speaker 90 Yeah, doubling up. Have you?

Speaker 150 I've doubled up. You've done it.

Speaker 160 I've been known to double up.

Speaker 213 Yeah, yeah.

Speaker 199 And it just makes everything a bit more solid.

Speaker 166 And then you can really go to town with the dips. Yeah.

Speaker 81 And then I guess sometimes, if you're dipping, you get it on the top where you wanted it.

Speaker 72 Yeah.

Speaker 81 And also some might go in between the crisps as well.

Speaker 120 Little sandwich.

Speaker 130 Okay.

Speaker 72 Well, that's our tip of the week.

Speaker 69 What would you like for your starter, your dream starter?

Speaker 180 Well, I thought about this and I thought, I mean, I could just say my favorite food, couldn't I?

Speaker 180 Or I could say, following the Martian, I want potatoes that I grew in my own shit on the surface of Mars.

Speaker 44 Because I thought that might be interesting.

Speaker 180 Then I would have to go to Mars, which I wouldn't like to do unless you can arrange it because you're a genie. So we could go instantly to Mars.

Speaker 180 Plant the potatoes.

Speaker 172 Well, actually,

Speaker 180 we don't even need to use our own shit then, do we? I suppose we could actually take...

Speaker 44 personalized it.

Speaker 180 He did, yeah, so maybe we have to do that. Yeah,

Speaker 180 yeah, so yeah, so I think that would be an interesting starter.

Speaker 180 And then make them into chips and have chips and take some mayonnaise or curry sauce because I'm from Eldham, so it'd probably be curry sauce, actually.

Speaker 39 The curry sauce, chips and curry sauce.

Speaker 180 But the chips have to be made from potatoes grown on mars.

Speaker 94 What's your own?

Speaker 109 That's the question: what's the curry sauce, mate?

Speaker 94 I don't know.

Speaker 81 If I was eating, you know, if you offered me a bowl of your shit chips and then the curry sauce, I'd be like, I'd hold the sauce.

Speaker 114 I think. Even though I know it's curry sauce,

Speaker 114 I need to get it out of my mind.

Speaker 104 Yeah, yeah, I can't.

Speaker 181 I'm already trying not to think of the fact you grew the chips in your own shit.

Speaker 75 The curry sauce isn't healthy.

Speaker 180 Well, mayonnaise is real problem.

Speaker 181 Also, if you're existing on Mars on a diet of the very thing you're feeding me, if you're like, if he's eating curry sauce all the time, his shits must be awful.

Speaker 109 And then he's growing the potatoes in them.

Speaker 1 There's actually no condiment that wouldn't make me feel ill in that situation.

Speaker 56 Sure.

Speaker 194 No, I think I like the eating the curry.

Speaker 180 It's kind of a recycling thing.

Speaker 203 There's a constant.

Speaker 48 Would it impart flavor into the potato itself? Would the flesh of the potato then have a curry tang?

Speaker 115 Yeah, it would have a curry tang.

Speaker 180 It must do, mustn't it? Because you do things like, you know, lavender honey or something.

Speaker 180 bees go to like so so whatever i'm not sure these are equatable

Speaker 180 because they kind of go and eat the stuff and the lavender flavor goes into the honey so i i assume whatever you grow it in, if there are any farmers listening,

Speaker 180 I assume whenever you grow it in, somehow the flavour is transparent.

Speaker 40 It feels a bit

Speaker 72 human centipede-y, in a way.

Speaker 40 Eating the shit and shit.

Speaker 55 Two different opinions.

Speaker 48 It's a bit like bees with lavender honey, and it's a bit like the human centipede.

Speaker 109 Both interested in insects.

Speaker 50 Yeah.

Speaker 193 No, I'm not going to get topped.

Speaker 193 Yeah, yeah, go on.

Speaker 75 I'm not very good at biology, but...

Speaker 69 One of them's not an insect.

Speaker 89 Or both.

Speaker 163 Probably both of them are not insects.

Speaker 89 Bees?

Speaker 72 Centipedes.

Speaker 50 Oh, no.

Speaker 192 I'm going to get in real trouble.

Speaker 31 I always get shamed.

Speaker 115 It's a lagoon.

Speaker 53 The potatoes you're eating, is it that I'm taking you to Mars, you're growing them using your own shit?

Speaker 75 Or is it that we go to Mars,

Speaker 186 the Martian Mars, and Matt Damon's made them for us and his shit?

Speaker 72 Because I would want to eat, with all due respect, Brian, I would want to eat those.

Speaker 104 I would want to try Matt Damon's potatoes that he's growing in his life.

Speaker 55 Yes.

Speaker 34 I think with all due respect covers what you just said there.

Speaker 46 Why? Why don't you want to eat Brian's shit potatoes?

Speaker 84 Because he wants a Hollywood Hollywood shit.

Speaker 94 Yeah.

Speaker 69 I like imagining Matt Damon up there in his space suit and he's made him in his own shit.

Speaker 180 This is getting really weird now.

Speaker 82 So you want to imagine.

Speaker 106 Matt Damon's an actor.

Speaker 186 So I can imagine him in any role and I can believe him as an astronaut.

Speaker 44 And

Speaker 72 I think...

Speaker 109 I just see Brian Cox.

Speaker 44 I'm like, that's just Brian Cox. You could dump on a potato.

Speaker 106 No, you wouldn't be because you've got to grow them.

Speaker 41 So you wouldn't be.

Speaker 110 You don't do a dump on the potato.

Speaker 180 That defeats the object of the fertilizer, doesn't it? You don't put the fertilizer on something after it's grown.

Speaker 94 Why not?

Speaker 82 Because you're a part of it.

Speaker 194 See, this is why you're getting confused.

Speaker 146 It's a lack of basic agricultural knowledge now, isn't it?

Speaker 180 Because why would you fertilise something that's already grown?

Speaker 30 Because.

Speaker 144 flavour

Speaker 180 well yeah and this is why it's causing it because it's not for the flavor wash it after yeah yeah I hope you would wash it fertilizer's not added for flavour no no that's the thing Brian by the way what you just did there happens every episode where you looked at me and with your eyes you said help me what's he doing

Speaker 180 help me out here mate I can't understand what this guy's on the ward even side just looking at Ed like well I mean I need your help here communicating with this guy it's funny because the whole strange conversation of the last 10 10 minutes now makes sense.

Speaker 172 Yes.

Speaker 180 Because he's not been thinking of the shit as fertiliser. He's thinking it as a garnish.

Speaker 215 That's why

Speaker 128 it's all gone strange.

Speaker 171 I think it's an interesting idea for a starter.

Speaker 5 Chips are good.

Speaker 40 Chips.

Speaker 108 I'm trying to think of a word for it.

Speaker 148 Yeah, yeah, sure. Yeah.

Speaker 136 I like it.

Speaker 218 And it's all your own shit, just to be clear.

Speaker 162 Not Matt Damon's.

Speaker 66 Or a mixture.

Speaker 101 And see if people can tell the difference.

Speaker 172 I don't think it matters.

Speaker 180 He did a mixture though, didn't he?

Speaker 115 Do you remember in the film?

Speaker 66 Oh, does he? Because he used all the other

Speaker 13 dead.

Speaker 46 Yeah. Well, no, they weren't dead.

Speaker 37 Weren't they? Have you seen it?

Speaker 72 Years ago when it came out.

Speaker 44 They didn't die.

Speaker 150 They left him on the surface.

Speaker 94 Wankers.

Speaker 50 Great starter.

Speaker 115 Great starter.

Speaker 72 The chips.

Speaker 56 You know, people have like, there's syringes where you can inject cheese and stuff into things.

Speaker 15 And people do that.

Speaker 219 I used to to look at iceland and they used to have an inside out cheeseburger which was basically a burger with a cheese filling i didn't know you used to work at iceland yeah so i look at iceland and uh i don't know i i have a theory that like at some point at culinary school heston blumenthal had a best friend and his friend may have come from more modest background than heston and they would come up with all these crazy ideas and heston was like i'm gonna go and work and you know create things here's in cryogenic storage and fridges and like and they would the guy was like what the happened to you heston you've forgotten who you are he's like come on buddy and he's like no we say we're gonna do this to give back to the people Remember the five-bird medley, the turkey stuff with a goose, stuff with a chicken, stuff with a hamster.

Speaker 219 You were supposed to be part of that too, Heston.

Speaker 12 What happened to the inside-out cheeseburger you said we were going to do?

Speaker 219 And they went their separate ways.

Speaker 9 Yeah, I suppose you're right.

Speaker 165 Iceland is the sort of the cheaper equivalent of Heston Salman stuff.

Speaker 8 Chicken tikka lasagna, right?

Speaker 220 Yeah, it's like, you know, like the fat duck. It's like the fat pigeon.

Speaker 4 That's what Iceland is.

Speaker 136 No, there's a lot of snobbery.

Speaker 12 People just look at Heston and going, oh, it's a genius. I can't wait to see what he's done.
And people turning their nose up at the inside-out cheeseburger as if it's stupid.

Speaker 15 As if it's stupid.

Speaker 12 If you went to the fat duck and they served that, Eve would be like, oh, how did he come up with this idea?

Speaker 13 So good.

Speaker 219 Yeah, it's like you can get snail porridge at the fat duck, and that's amazing. But if you get a caterpillar in your rice pudding, oh, it's for church.

Speaker 161 It's disgusting.

Speaker 15 Things got changed, guys. We've all got bellies.
We all take shits.

Speaker 33 We're all people at the end of the day.

Speaker 8 That was the original name for this podcast.

Speaker 94 We all all take shits.

Speaker 10 We've all got bellies and we all take shits.

Speaker 146 We all got bellies, we all take shits.

Speaker 94 We all take bellies.

Speaker 82 We all got bellies. We all take shits.

Speaker 15 Exactly.

Speaker 219 That could be the name of a nice tour, though. Yeah.

Speaker 117 We all got bellies. We've all got shits.

Speaker 73 And then you could have like, you know, and you open up every tour day where you're like, have a look at this shit.

Speaker 135 You want to know what created this? Welcome, Chef, Levi Roots.

Speaker 221 And then Levi comes in.

Speaker 161 Like, look at that stool.

Speaker 56 That's that's healthy and regular.

Speaker 219 Well, you know, I use a lot of natural ingredients in my stuff. Allow me to demonstrate.

Speaker 8 And we get the whole audience a stand-up. That way we we all get our bellies out at the beginning.

Speaker 117 Yeah.

Speaker 15 Let me get straight though.

Speaker 92 The format for the show, your tour show, is that you go on, you show the audience a picture of some shit that you've done, and then you get them to guess what celebrity chef cooked you the meal that made you do the shit.

Speaker 92 And then you bring the celebrity chef out and they talk the audience through the picture with the shit and talk about how their cooking influenced that shit.

Speaker 219 Now, James, I know how it sounds, but I would submit to you that maybe two or three years ago, if I told you there was a game show where people dress up in masks and you can't see their face and they sing songs on TV, and in the game is to guess who they are, and they don't win any record contract at the end of that, and just a competition to see who's behind the mask.

Speaker 15 You'd say, what?

Speaker 61 But that's the last singer.

Speaker 15 Yeah, absolutely.

Speaker 8 I don't think they're quite the same.

Speaker 10 Not exactly the same, because

Speaker 15 one comes at your mouth.

Speaker 220 One comes at your mouth, and one comes at your bum.

Speaker 219 But I'm just saying, you know, at the end of my tour, it was like, turns out this big shit was done by a big fact dude.

Speaker 94 You'd be like, yeah, that sounds right.

Speaker 64 So that's the end.

Speaker 152 The end of the tour, the whole tour built up to you revealing that, and I quote, this big shit was taken by a big fact dude.

Speaker 94 Yeah.

Speaker 89 Well, hold on. No, hold on.
Now I'm getting confused.

Speaker 42 I thought the slide

Speaker 135 I thought the slide that you're showing them is a picture of a shit that you have done.

Speaker 92 And a celebrity chef cooked you a meal. You ate the meal.

Speaker 98 You did this shit.

Speaker 38 Oh, no, not what I've done.

Speaker 157 I've got a tour to run, James.

Speaker 106 I'm not an animal.

Speaker 219 It's like a celebrity takes a shit, and everyone's like, Guess whose shit this is?

Speaker 15 So then that's the first hook, right?

Speaker 53 Then it's like, it's this person.

Speaker 219 Turns out it's Davina McCall, let's say.

Speaker 194 Yeah, so everyone's like, oh, I would have never guessed.

Speaker 135 Davina, you seem so regular and healthy.

Speaker 136 What's your secret?

Speaker 219 I eat well, exercise well.

Speaker 53 Let's find out who made this delicious meal that resulted in this delicious stool.

Speaker 56 Yeah. It's Levi Roots.

Speaker 219 Now, Levi's on the stage, he's like,

Speaker 15 and then he's like, then you add a Scotch bonnet, and then Davina's going,

Speaker 86 that's what got me.

Speaker 94 That's it.

Speaker 101 Right?

Speaker 135 Yeah.

Speaker 219 And at the very least, people are there at least half an hour being like, what the fuck is going on?

Speaker 94 And then someone goes, I need to take a shit.

Speaker 219 And then someone goes, don't forget your camera. It's the level of audience engagement for everybody takes a shit or should this be, you know, unmeasured.

Speaker 55 I think that's, I love the guessing element.

Speaker 8 I love that we're guessing whose shit it is. So we've got the audience engaged then.

Speaker 61 Then the...

Speaker 11 the person who did the shit comes out and they've got to guess who made them do the shit so they've they're guessing what chef cooked them the meal that that made the shit happen yeah the only my only problem with it is as an audience member is the picture of that shit is up for the whole show no i'll i'll i'll go back to the first slide which is like the okay yeah which is the talk

Speaker 61 of like butts yeah

Speaker 143 all the buttons

Speaker 15 and bellies it's like alternating the chessboards like the bellies

Speaker 219 everybody's got a belly and everybody takes a shit yeah now see butts and bellies let's do it that way that's an easier sell right that's nicer yeah you call it butts and bellies yeah rather than rather than calling it everyone's shits, if I say butts and bellies, that can get through.

Speaker 12 I mean, I feel like there should be some sort of belly button pun there with butts, butt button, belly butts.

Speaker 133 Belly butts on.

Speaker 12 I mean, Anthony Jesnik would absolutely destroy me for this, but like, I'm just trying to think of like a belly butt on.

Speaker 219 I know, we'll sell it to BBC, and then when it's on the iPlayer, they'll be like, to find out more shits, press the belly button.

Speaker 15 And so, yeah, no, right.

Speaker 12 And it is like a picture of someone's belly, and their belly button is a butt.

Speaker 15 There you go.

Speaker 117 Or there's their butt and their anus is a belly button.

Speaker 62 Yeah, all right.

Speaker 150 I mean,

Speaker 196 I've really enjoyed this conversation

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Speaker 83 Raw onion doesn't sit well with me. As we've spoken about so many times, I have irritable bowel syndrome.
Red onion does not sit well with me, any raw onion.

Speaker 83 But if I take it out, the flavor that it infuses the rest of the salad with still stands up.

Speaker 39 Anything that you've mentioned in your menu so far that's a bit of a red light for the old IBS?

Speaker 37 Chili and the crab, all right?

Speaker 216 Yeah, chili's actually fine.

Speaker 83 It's more creamy stuff. The yogurt is fine.
Yogurt's fine. But if it, like, I can smell a boss gayola and I shit myself.

Speaker 224 Like a creamy boss gayola.

Speaker 73 You can see that tweeted back at you, by the way.

Speaker 83 Like

Speaker 83 a bacon mushroom creamy pasta.

Speaker 188 Would you eat it though?

Speaker 118 Is there anything that exists that's worth just blowing the bowl off the wall for?

Speaker 83 Yeah, often it's the volume of food I eat. I have a limit in my stomach where it goes, hey, look, you're an adult.
You can make the decision. But if you eat more than this,

Speaker 83 we're not going to be talking to your friends for the rest of the night. You're going to be riding the porcelain bus.

Speaker 40 My wife Charlie has IBS.

Speaker 45 Yeah? Yep.

Speaker 141 What's her beef?

Speaker 133 She can have a teaspoon of hummus and then after that, chickpeas

Speaker 48 will kick the shit out of her.

Speaker 200 Oh, literally.

Speaker 83 I can eat a bowl of hummus by itself.

Speaker 150 Oh, really? Yeah.

Speaker 83 Which my son calls Thomas.

Speaker 41 Very cute.

Speaker 136 Yeah, that's great.

Speaker 211 More Thomas, please.

Speaker 83 You can have as much Thomas as you like, son.

Speaker 41 Never stop.

Speaker 169 Never, ever correct him.

Speaker 197 No, no, no, no, no.

Speaker 83 That's Thomas for the rest of his life.

Speaker 67 Even though it will lead to a very embarrassing incident in later life.

Speaker 83 Do you know what that feels like?

Speaker 143 Not my problem.

Speaker 83 It's Lully boof, Thomas.

Speaker 165 It's absolutely lolly boofy.

Speaker 83 If I have some rice that's undercooked, see you later. Really? I've got a big, crampy tummy on that one.
Yeah. But if I eat like heaps and heaps of ice cream,

Speaker 83 but this is probably not a good thing to say on this podcast. I think ice cream is fine.
I think it's fine.

Speaker 72 Nice having you on.

Speaker 83 Yeah, look, been lovely to meet you.

Speaker 83 I think there's some good ice cream out there, but it's not something that I live for.

Speaker 37 But I think that's just to, just, look, just as a temperature.

Speaker 153 Let's bring the temperature up there.

Speaker 94 To be a diploma.

Speaker 89 I know what you mean.

Speaker 48 I think you've had to tell yourself that and decided it because you know that you can't eat a lot of it.

Speaker 70 So that's you've given yourself that opinion to mean that you're not missing out.

Speaker 83 You would love to think that, wouldn't you?

Speaker 55 I would really like you to say that.

Speaker 94 I agree with you.

Speaker 205 So the main course of the ghost menu is all of the barbecue food you could possibly imagine.

Speaker 80 Yeah, definitely your head on board now.

Speaker 81 Yeah, I mean, this was very close to my main on my dream menu, episode 100.

Speaker 72 So talk us through it Chloe, please.

Speaker 166 Big brisket. All of my Instagram algorithm alternates between a man cutting a brisket and then Harry Styles doing a concert.

Speaker 72 Imagine, what would you do if Harry Styles cut some brisket?

Speaker 40 Come everywhere.

Speaker 40 Don't cut that.

Speaker 53 I was cutting it.

Speaker 40 I can't. Yeah.

Speaker 130 Anyway, brisket,

Speaker 226 ribs, pork and beef.

Speaker 33 Yeah.

Speaker 89 You got to double up on on the ribs.

Speaker 211 Burnt ends.

Speaker 128 Oh, yeah.

Speaker 40 Turkey.

Speaker 166 Again, it's the tomato. I'm eating it quick just to think.

Speaker 33 Yeah. Got a bit of healthy whiteness.

Speaker 39 The meat.

Speaker 94 Yeah.

Speaker 75 And is it like a big turkey leg breast?

Speaker 166 No, it's like sliced breast that has been like really slow cooked and is like...

Speaker 109 Juicy.

Speaker 166 Yeah, extraordinarily. How have they made a turkey?

Speaker 81 You can see the smoke, the smoke running around the outside of it.

Speaker 117 Oh my God.

Speaker 166 I feel like I've got like a real like food empathy thing where like you can even describe food and I like I'm I feel so satisfied. Yeah.

Speaker 166 And I think that's why I watch you know Mike Chen, the YouTuber.

Speaker 40 I love Mike Chen.

Speaker 174 I know this guy.

Speaker 166 So he's just like this guy that goes around just eating delicious food and reviewing it. And he's so like positive.

Speaker 125 And just what's the name of his YouTube channel again?

Speaker 135 Strictly Dumpling.

Speaker 130 Strictly Dumpling.

Speaker 37 It's really good.

Speaker 166 And I just love how enthusiastic he is about food.

Speaker 152 He can eat that guy.

Speaker 9 Yeah. He does a lot of of buffets as well.

Speaker 117 We talk about buffets a lot on tour as well.

Speaker 126 Yeah.

Speaker 104 I saw something happened there.

Speaker 108 Yeah.

Speaker 122 We mentioned buffets as a bit of.

Speaker 66 Yeah, we both went somewhere. Yeah.

Speaker 166 Yeah, it feels a little like, I don't know, a little illicit when I'm like, well, you described turkey leg to me in intense detail because it feels like I'm getting off on it.

Speaker 166 And like, I haven't asked for your consent to like get involved in that fantasy form.

Speaker 40 Yeah. I mean, you've already said the thing.
I've got a lot of well enough.

Speaker 81 The thing about Harry Stell's cutting a brisket.

Speaker 34 You said you'd come everywhere.

Speaker 48 So

Speaker 55 I think we knew what was going on.

Speaker 200 A nice sort of mustard sauce.

Speaker 166 I'd come just for my little piece of beefy.

Speaker 36 That's very nice. Thank you.

Speaker 65 So is that so that's you've got turkey, ribs, beef and pork.

Speaker 122 Big tray of meaty. Big tray of meaty.

Speaker 46 Brisket.

Speaker 14 Any little barbecue sides?

Speaker 166 Well, that would be my sides for the grace of the day.

Speaker 94 Okay, right, okay.

Speaker 89 We'll move on.

Speaker 69 Where's the best barbecue place you've been before we move on?

Speaker 166 So I'm not, uh, I haven't really eaten that much barbecue because I gained this obsession after I became vegetarian.

Speaker 6 and i have like enough memories of that sort of meat to know how much i love it like anything essentially like slow cooked yeah beef particularly yeah yeah yeah yeah it's just my ideal thing although having said that are we allowed to talk about your meat amnesty yeah my constant meat amnesty no when we we were doing a gig and there was a barbecue restaurant around the corner and we don't normally eat heavily before gigs We went around there.

Speaker 72 Chloe had a meat amnesty and she felt horribly sick for the rest of the day.

Speaker 73 All of my stories ended me just feeling sick my best days are like and then i then i chucked off

Speaker 162 um i was sick i do regret though because you had the beef rib yeah and i got the brisket yeah i think i should have got the rib yeah it was good it was nice i think beef brisket though is safe bet every barbecue place is going to be good beef rib some places that's the best thing on the menu some places if they don't do it well you you get it why don't i just play it safe i massively disagree fair enough certainly about the brisket i think it that is an art i think you're actually you're not going to find many places in the whole of the uk that does actually good oh yeah in the uk yeah

Speaker 34 but yeah i guess if you're in like texas etc

Speaker 122 pecan lodge shout out to pecan lodge is that is that the best place

Speaker 166 i i went i was in dallas for three days i went there for two other days oh sick it was good i think i'd like to that's like my bucket list of like proper meat amnesty go to texas have yeah like proper barbecue

Speaker 182 you'd be sick every day i'd be so sick and i'd love it yeah this is the best

Speaker 166 yeah back we go sometimes on the instagram reel they'll like just put they'll just like put a brisket down and then just let it jiggle like a like a lady's bum and

Speaker 175 it's just so hot

Speaker 40 oh man i just love it like a lady's bum

Speaker 200 like a lady's bum oh it's so good yeah that's what i'd have am i missing any meats i don't i guess sometimes they have a really nice sausage.

Speaker 168 Yes, I'd love a...

Speaker 45 You have had a sausage in the starter, though, I will say that.

Speaker 182 Yeah, I'm double sausaging.

Speaker 46 Okay, you double sausage away.

Speaker 166 I'm going to have one of those like jalapeno and cheddar

Speaker 166 sausages that like snap, like with an amazing snap.

Speaker 94 Snap.

Speaker 182 Yeah.

Speaker 176 I'd definitely have one of them.

Speaker 81 Yeah, and just let it jiggle like a man's dick.

Speaker 46 Yeah.

Speaker 144 Literally in my head of it.

Speaker 13 I was writing it in my head when I'd said, I was like, I'm going to say I watch YouTube videos where they lay a sausage down and they slap it and it jiggles like a man's man's oh you're teaching it

Speaker 34 that's what a lot of people say is they pick sparkling water because it's like a fancy version of water no no

Speaker 170 no it's good it helps you digest and everything it has minerals in it you know i mean they used to drink i mean a lot still in italy you know in certain countries still a lot of that sparkling water is like sulfurous yeah water you know i remember like even in like a gym in a hotel in Italy years and years ago, they had like a big water cooler and I was like, like,

Speaker 170 working out and you're like, oh, I'm so thirsty.

Speaker 131 And it was like sulfur water.

Speaker 130 I was like, oh, fuck, what is that?

Speaker 123 You know, it's just...

Speaker 51 Was it sparkling water in there?

Speaker 170 Yeah, yeah, it was sparkling, sulfury water.

Speaker 130 And I was like, who would do that?

Speaker 129 You know, but it's really good.

Speaker 130 The thing is, it's really good for you. Yeah.

Speaker 40 You know.

Speaker 69 Everyone burping in the gym?

Speaker 189 Was there a lot of burping?

Speaker 33 Everyone was burping and farting.

Speaker 192 Water smelled like farts.

Speaker 130 Fart water.

Speaker 185 Would you have for your dream meal, you don't want the fart water?

Speaker 94 No, I don't want fart water no no you would like you take a bath in it that's good for you oh yeah yeah like so fart in the bathroom no one would know no one would know yeah not even you

Speaker 94 yeah yeah

Speaker 46 did i fart who knows

Speaker 94 what's me and what's not

Speaker 73 surrounded by eggy bubbles already i don't i don't know where i began

Speaker 94 and the water ends yeah

Speaker 180 if you had a task

Speaker 28 If it was just shit fastest wins, who would win out of the you two?

Speaker 121 I think maybe Ed. I reckon I would.

Speaker 28 When we get requested most.

Speaker 9 Shit Fastest Wins.

Speaker 81 My stomach went, let's go.

Speaker 86 Yeah, yeah.

Speaker 72 Five points. You're very competitive.

Speaker 91 Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah.

Speaker 39 My whole body is going to be.

Speaker 104 Also, it's like, you know, shit is a big part of his life.

Speaker 94 Oh.

Speaker 39 Him and Nish shared a flat for years, and it was very much the theme of the flat.

Speaker 131 Yeah.

Speaker 40 Was that you doing a shit?

Speaker 34 We still text each other now about it.

Speaker 28 That's so interesting. So Tim and I lived together.
I don't think we ever mentioned it.

Speaker 130 And we probably pretended we didn't do it. We've never hugged either.

Speaker 28 We have hugged at shit. Twice.

Speaker 65 Yeah, twice, sorry.

Speaker 28 Once when I was sad, once when I was happy.

Speaker 65 But you're not going to talk about shitting if you're not even hugging.

Speaker 89 No, you know.

Speaker 33 Yeah, yeah.

Speaker 28 I've never done one in the Taskmaster house either. There's only one toilet and I'd not go to the other side.

Speaker 89 I've definitely done one. Yeah, me too.
Have you both? Oh, yeah, yeah, definitely.

Speaker 37 We've got a good spray

Speaker 192 to deal with.

Speaker 150 Oh, it's all about shitting, isn't it?

Speaker 69 You always start with still or sparkling water.

Speaker 103 I'm going to say still,

Speaker 4 which I know is like boring, but okay, because I'm always like talking, right?

Speaker 102 I just don't want to be gassy.

Speaker 103 So like before shows and stuff, I can't have anything gassy because it'll come up in the first song.

Speaker 198 Yeah.

Speaker 141 Like I'll have to do a really like slick off-the-mic like hair flick, but it's a burp.

Speaker 153 That's what people are doing.

Speaker 43 That's what it is. Every time I do a hair flick, it's a burp.

Speaker 101 Yeah.

Speaker 232 So that's not something I enjoy doing. It's really stressful because you know that feeling like when it's rising and you're

Speaker 94 like when it's a bubble.

Speaker 232 Yeah, when it's a bubble and you're like, oh no, and you're singing, you have to keep singing. Yeah.

Speaker 232 But then you'll have like one break in a sentence and then you can just burp and then come back to the show and be a pop song.

Speaker 47 I love that you've choreographed your burps though.

Speaker 203 That's great. Oh, yeah, but it's on the fly.

Speaker 82 Yeah. Yeah, you can't.

Speaker 232 So that's why I've stopped drinking fizzy stuff before shows.

Speaker 69 If I was a vocalist who use a lot of, you know, some vocalists now have a lot of effects on their voice and auto-tune live.

Speaker 72 It's got all that sound.

Speaker 69 If I had a burp going, I'd be very tempted just to burp in the bike just to see how it sounds.

Speaker 68 Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Speaker 34 You know, in the spirit of experimentation, I think next time you feel a burp coming on stage, you should just let it go.

Speaker 198 Yes.

Speaker 232 And also I'll find some sort of auto-tune plug-in and like the most extreme distortion.

Speaker 175 Yeah.

Speaker 232 And maybe some sort of metal like scream distortion.

Speaker 130 I'm on board.

Speaker 232 And then just in the middle of the most beautiful ballad.

Speaker 94 Yeah.

Speaker 44 I think it'd go down well.

Speaker 117 There's got to be a death metal band somewhere where the vocals are just all burps.

Speaker 198 I always think that about death metal singing.

Speaker 175 Yeah.

Speaker 232 Kind of, isn't it the same feeling, the same sensation as burping?

Speaker 64 It's like a gravelly burp, I guess.

Speaker 81 Yeah, you've got to bring it up from somewhere down deep.

Speaker 94 Yeah. There we go.

Speaker 104 You've definitely played me some stuff before that just sounds like someone's burping all the way through.

Speaker 89 I love it. Yeah, yeah.

Speaker 104 You love that kind of stuff.

Speaker 69 Yeah. Or someone's doing that, you know, that thing with the...

Speaker 48 Well, like Mongolian throat singer.

Speaker 45 Yeah, but there's ah for the whole song.

Speaker 193 Yeah. So basically, they're doing it.

Speaker 43 But with a bit more like grit.

Speaker 136 Yeah, yeah, yeah. A big old burp.

Speaker 44 Yeah, it's a big long burp.

Speaker 40 What's your favourite genre?

Speaker 133 My favourite.

Speaker 35 Favourite genre, definitely burp metal, burp death.

Speaker 48 Burp core.

Speaker 35 It would be burp core, wouldn't it?

Speaker 89 It'd be burp core, belchcore, something like that.

Speaker 94 Yeah.

Speaker 37 I like red meat.

Speaker 234 I like lamb and I like beef, but I wouldn't, yeah, I'm not into like hearts,

Speaker 198 scrotums.

Speaker 55 Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Speaker 46 I've never had a scrotum.

Speaker 6 That's the one thing I've never seen on a menu. You would, though.

Speaker 48 I think if it was on the menu at a place I liked, I'd trust them with it and I'd say, give us a scrotum.

Speaker 69 If Esther's dad tried to trick you and going, that's a potato and you ate it and that was a bollock, you'd go,

Speaker 46 I love it.

Speaker 166 So if you've gone round, because my dad's there, he can cook really good Lebanese food and he could cook you a testicle.

Speaker 130 I'd love that. There you go.
I'd absolutely love that.

Speaker 72 But what about a scrotum?

Speaker 34 Do you reckon he could do a scrotum?

Speaker 234 Hang on. Yeah.

Speaker 150 What I'm

Speaker 46 hanging.

Speaker 89 Oh, someone doesn't know the difference.

Speaker 75 You don't know the difference.

Speaker 46 I birthed a man and I told him what's the difference.

Speaker 179 Oh, this is great.

Speaker 6 This couldn't have gone better.

Speaker 82 What is the difference between a...

Speaker 227 No, hang on. Isn't it the testicles...

Speaker 233 Oh, is the scrotum the whole thing?

Speaker 163 No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no.

Speaker 85 Again, don't tell her.

Speaker 235 Let's let you guess.

Speaker 182 I feel like this is a tab more embarrassing than the Pellegrino.

Speaker 75 I mean, I wouldn't normally ask a guest to do this, but

Speaker 53 tell the audience your age

Speaker 110 before we play.

Speaker 145 Does this person know the difference between a testicle and a squat

Speaker 40 i'm 39

Speaker 233 married 17 years it's like the testicles are the tubes

Speaker 40 that's no the tube is the van deference isn't it well that's

Speaker 117 amazing that uh that you're throwing around

Speaker 103 phrases like vas deference vas deference is the tube

Speaker 64 is that the tube yeah i don't even know that the semen travels down Okay.

Speaker 82 Yeah.

Speaker 40 The scrotum.

Speaker 229 This is really annoying me now.

Speaker 99 I really want to hit you both because I'm so angry.

Speaker 30 Where do you want to hit us?

Speaker 44 Because you're just looking at me like, oh my god.

Speaker 46 And I'm like, I don't know.

Speaker 40 This is brilliant.

Speaker 136 No, because you've got the penis.

Speaker 89 So many people have scrotum.

Speaker 75 Yeah, got the penis.

Speaker 40 The long one.

Speaker 69 Yeah, that's a long one you just drew on the table.

Speaker 150 You've got the two balls, which are the testicles.

Speaker 229 Yes.

Speaker 228 So what's the scrotum?

Speaker 40 What else is there? This is the question. What else is there indeed what else is there this is a this is i don't know

Speaker 165 moment of the whole podcast we've ever done but the two can i give some clues now i uh well i do know what maybe i'll quiz you on the female

Speaker 46 how many holes are there now the two

Speaker 94 the two balls

Speaker 85 how are they there how are they how do they stay there

Speaker 40 in this in the sack yes but i said that is that not the scrotum that's it you didn't say it was the sack you said is the whole thing is the the whole thing.

Speaker 97 You said it's the whole thing.

Speaker 30 The whole thing is what the scrotum.

Speaker 166 The scrotum is essentially the packaging.

Speaker 55 The scrotum is the sack.

Speaker 40 The sack, yes. Oh.

Speaker 227 Yeah.

Speaker 229 But I thought the whole thing, it was like a cumulative term.

Speaker 54 No, no, no, no.

Speaker 120 No, no, the whole thing is. No, no, no, no.

Speaker 229 Do you know what? I really don't know much about anatomy.

Speaker 40 I realise that.

Speaker 94 Yeah, yeah, absolutely.

Speaker 34 This is when James starts to try and do a quiz.

Speaker 95 Yeah, yeah, yeah, but we won't do a quiz.

Speaker 229 No, because you know when your kids get to an age and they're like

Speaker 234 puberty's like not far off and they're like asking questions.

Speaker 40 And I was like, I don't know.

Speaker 60 I don't know if that's normal.

Speaker 168 I don't even know what happens.

Speaker 55 But what are we eavesdropping?

Speaker 229 Where are they to begin with?

Speaker 151 Sure.

Speaker 142 No, what happens?

Speaker 60 I mean,

Speaker 179 when it's dropping, it's like it's probably quite a

Speaker 193 generous term.

Speaker 46 Well, no, I mean... Dropping a great term.

Speaker 150 It's not a customer.

Speaker 109 Esther's question was: does it just go into the sack?

Speaker 1 It's not, there's not a big empty sack.

Speaker 37 Like a big old man, a big old man's sack.

Speaker 144 Chicken laying an egg.

Speaker 144 Bloop.

Speaker 153 I'm imagining like a postal sack down there.

Speaker 55 Listen for the bloop.

Speaker 136 And they go, bloop. Oh, it dropped.

Speaker 75 Yeah, I need to read a book.

Speaker 94 I'm getting.

Speaker 65 Yeah,

Speaker 64 they don't plop down into this.

Speaker 229 Well, see, my parents never had this chat.

Speaker 227 We just went through it and you weren't allowed to talk about it.

Speaker 103 Yeah, I think it was just the best way.

Speaker 165 Call me old-fashioned. I think just

Speaker 128 about it, right?

Speaker 98 Like, everyone's always like, then talk about it.

Speaker 37 And I'm like, oh, well, you know, I don't know.

Speaker 39 You should talk about it with your kids, so you don't want to know.

Speaker 231 I might just phone Ed up and put him on loudspeaker.

Speaker 143 I'll be back in 15 minutes.

Speaker 215 I love them still not allowed to come around to your house, even for that.

Speaker 109 Don't want to make it number six.

Speaker 30 Number six, Edge Gamble came out to conduct a search education class.

Speaker 46 Bit of boo, bit of boo.

Speaker 94 Left turned up.

Speaker 89 Turned up with a chalkboard.

Speaker 94 Yeah.

Speaker 47 Me teaching your kids about testicles.

Speaker 48 Your dad looking at it like it's a menu.

Speaker 73 It's very confusing for your poor children.

Speaker 36 Look, grandpa says loads of potatoes.

Speaker 36 He probably would have done if we asked.

Speaker 179 Oh, you're talking about the whole package.

Speaker 40 We know about this. Well, it is a package.

Speaker 156 It's all together.

Speaker 85 I think you two have been finicky.

Speaker 225 Finicketty, finickety.

Speaker 46 San Bellegrino. Yeah.

Speaker 151 Okay.

Speaker 72 Well, that's all that to say.

Speaker 104 You want some, not mesae, but some...

Speaker 40 Mesa.

Speaker 89 Mesa.

Speaker 39 I don't think I've had a cup of tea since 2013.

Speaker 40 Wow.

Speaker 3 That's what happened in 2013. Yeah.

Speaker 72 Had my wisdom teeth out.

Speaker 70 In bed feeling sorry for myself.

Speaker 39 And then I didn't get to go to the shops for ages.

Speaker 48 Ran out of normal tea.

Speaker 73 Started just moving on to the herbals.

Speaker 13 Noticed that actually I was quite enjoying myself.

Speaker 45 Never went back.

Speaker 48 Whenever there's a story like this, which is just like a weird part of James's life, I always just look at Benito for the whole thing because he loves nothing more than a story like that from James.

Speaker 30 He really had my wisdom teeth out.

Speaker 203 He really laughs at anything that's like...

Speaker 212 Are you laid up for that long when your wisdom teeth are out that you how long could you not leave the house for to like get well?

Speaker 33 I got unlucky.

Speaker 89 What happened was

Speaker 49 I got a thing called dry sockets

Speaker 96 where they take out your wisdom teeth.

Speaker 82 How did I not know this?

Speaker 153 And instead of

Speaker 144 everything just like, you know, healing back up and cool, there was a hole that went from, I guess, just, you know, the outside world down my gums straight to the bone.

Speaker 201 So then air was getting in through my mouth and touching the bone

Speaker 69 that was down below.

Speaker 218 And it really, really hurt.

Speaker 133 The hole wasn't from the outside world, James.

Speaker 72 Well, that's where that's where the whole hole starts.

Speaker 52 Yeah, but not, it wasn't out of your face.

Speaker 14 There wasn't a hole in your face.

Speaker 94 There's a second hole in the top of my mouth.

Speaker 33 Yeah.

Speaker 235 Yeah. And that led led to that that led to the outside

Speaker 122 so it would go the air would go through it through the mouth outside world into my mouth down the hole in my in my gums straight to the bone and it really hurt yeah so i was uh laid up in bed uh i kept trying to get emergency dentist appointments and couldn't and obviously i was just on liquids only so i went through the the tea bags pretty fast and then it was on to the herbal tea

Speaker 48 wasn't the tea get yeah wasn't the tea going filling them out yeah it was horrible the tea's part of the outside world as well it was horrible But it was either that or not, you know, not

Speaker 72 of anything.

Speaker 76 Yeah.

Speaker 59 So you didn't even eat?

Speaker 89 You didn't consume.

Speaker 89 I had soup.

Speaker 150 Oh, my gosh.

Speaker 33 So that's getting in from the outside.

Speaker 94 Not on the pie.

Speaker 70 But I kind of mainly go over to one side of the mouth, you know, try and get it away from the dry socks.

Speaker 108 Like lull the head over.

Speaker 148 Yeah, yeah.

Speaker 214 God, that actually sounds terrible.

Speaker 44 It wasn't nice, and I had loads of clove oil.

Speaker 94 Oh, I got it. That I put on the

Speaker 69 to

Speaker 75 numb it up so it didn't hurt as much.

Speaker 69 I was in a tiny little bedroom at that point.

Speaker 72 You could touch all the walls or laying in bed.

Speaker 50 And the whole thing stank of cloves.

Speaker 144 No.

Speaker 89 By the end, there's a stank of cloves.

Speaker 151 There was this guy calling you bleak.

Speaker 15 This guy.

Speaker 136 I'd like to go.

Speaker 64 Who was in a bed where he could touch all walls with his feet and arms and with stank of clove oil.

Speaker 46 He had dry sockets.

Speaker 61 Dry socks.

Speaker 136 This was from the dark ages.

Speaker 30 Yes, but that was

Speaker 212 a straw all over your floor and a donkey next door.

Speaker 76 Like, that's what it sounds like.

Speaker 212 I once made a soup and it was the worst soup I'd ever made in my life. And I thought it had like loads and loads of like herbs and stuff in it and I spent and spices and I spent ages making it.

Speaker 212 And when I ate it, it tasted like porridge and it was fucking filth.

Speaker 212 It was and I was really angry because I spent the whole day making it and Rosie came home from work and was like, I can fix this and put in a handful of cloves.

Speaker 59 I reckon there was over 19 cloves in there.

Speaker 150 Yeah.

Speaker 160 It was

Speaker 74 the worst ingredient ever.

Speaker 82 And like when you use a clove, you use like one or two maybe.

Speaker 212 And she literally put in a a fist full of cloves.

Speaker 78 And so not only did it taste like, it was grey, it looked like gruel.

Speaker 212 It was supposed to be Indian wedding soup. It was a bad wedding.

Speaker 78 It looked like porridge.

Speaker 212 It was grey. And then every mouthful you took, you got like eight cloves.

Speaker 78 It like coat, like literally cloat your mouth.

Speaker 214 Yeah. You'd feel like a sheen on your whole mouth.

Speaker 60 Yeah. Yeah.

Speaker 113 Was that the name of the recipe, Indian wedding soup? It wasn't the soup that you were making to take to an Indian wedding.

Speaker 212 I would have been the most least welcomed person.

Speaker 175 We shoved it down the toilet.

Speaker 212 Yeah. And shove is the right word.

Speaker 212 Just punching it down like Play-Doh.

Speaker 194 Why did you shove it down the toilet?

Speaker 76 It was inedible.

Speaker 94 Yeah, yeah, no.

Speaker 46 Okay, I understand you wanted to get rid of it.

Speaker 9 That bit I understood.

Speaker 26 You wanted to get rid of it.

Speaker 117 Why toilet?

Speaker 214 Because

Speaker 59 you can't put it down the sink because it will just clog out the sink.

Speaker 207 Oh, no, that wasn't.

Speaker 172 What we were thinking was the first option.

Speaker 94 People were thinking the bin was the first option, not the shoe.

Speaker 78 Because then you've just got a bag of wet in the bin.

Speaker 213 Do you know if that bag?

Speaker 82 If that bag broke,

Speaker 59 imagine if that bag broke and the Indian wedding suit went all over the bin and the floor.

Speaker 59 If we would be cursed and for never getting married ever again, yeah.

Speaker 50 I would personally put it in a bin bag, then take the bin bag straight out,

Speaker 4 the toilet is so much better than that.

Speaker 78 You don't waste a bin bag.

Speaker 141 The toilet is there, and it's used to getting just

Speaker 150 getting anything down there.

Speaker 3 Yeah, it's used to getting an option.

Speaker 153 You should be happy to get an Indian wedding there.

Speaker 130 You're you feeling all right today?

Speaker 113 No, honestly, I've just done an Indian wedding since a bunch of clothes.

Speaker 201 Well, yeah, a wedding.

Speaker 46 No, no, I made it with my sister.

Speaker 117 That sounds like me and my friend Alex Rosedale once tried to make

Speaker 113 George's marvellous medicine out of his mum's medicine cabinet.

Speaker 117 Yes. He just poured all these pills in and stuff.
Yeah.

Speaker 113 Oh, God, his mum found us doing it and went absolutely ape shit.

Speaker 154 He's like, Have you drunk any of this?

Speaker 173 Don't make yourself sick.

Speaker 237 Make yourself sick.

Speaker 150 Had you actually drunk it? No.

Speaker 64 Oh, no, no, no.

Speaker 3 We literally just poured everything we could find and it was like pills bobbling around in the top.

Speaker 59 That is so funny and like so high stakes.

Speaker 78 Yeah.

Speaker 214 Like so high stakes.

Speaker 212 And also so, I think our age of the 90s of like rolled dial just causing absolute havoc for all children everywhere.

Speaker 212 We used to think one of our teachers was a witch when we were like eight years old and we just called her a witch all the time, which I think is very funny and we enjoyed it as children.

Speaker 212 But I imagine as a teacher, when you've got enough stuff going on, you're just like, fuck off.

Speaker 65 Yeah. Just fuck off.

Speaker 130 Stop calling me a witch.

Speaker 212 Yeah, this is embarrassing for you.

Speaker 147 We had a teacher who genuinely, I think, was a witch.

Speaker 57 Interesting.

Speaker 149 It's her wig always squeaking back.

Speaker 26 It was genuinely like she used like a high bun

Speaker 113 and really like, yeah, definitely like no toes.

Speaker 124 Yeah.

Speaker 82 Penalized. Yeah, for sure.

Speaker 40 She did this when you walked past.

Speaker 189 Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah.

Speaker 212 Didn't like the smell of children.

Speaker 202 Yeah. So, yeah, still war.

Speaker 160 Pop-doms off.

Speaker 238 Pop-a-doms. Every time.

Speaker 102 Pop-a-doms. Really?

Speaker 227 Pop-a-doms. Yeah.

Speaker 16 Emphatic.

Speaker 239 Yeah, Yeah, 100%.

Speaker 224 Bread's boring. What?

Speaker 238 Bread's boring, sorry. What? It is boring.

Speaker 102 Especially in a restaurant, because they don't bring it... Often they bring it with a little bowl of butter that's way too hard.
You can't toast it.

Speaker 78 You can't...

Speaker 102 They don't bring an interesting bread. They never bring a tiger roll over, do they? They just bring some like sliced up run-of-the-mill bread.
Pop-a-doms, however, they come with a selection of dips.

Speaker 202 and chutneys and

Speaker 78 uh it's just yeah i i love it i really love a pop-a-dom. My local Indium takeaway is very, very nice.

Speaker 59 It does like what I think is the best curry.

Speaker 102 But when I first moved to that area, I went round to go and order, and there was nobody behind the desk, but there was the TV on in the entrance bit, and it was playing really, really,

Speaker 166 well, not it's all of this is obvious, but um, it was playing porn on the teller.

Speaker 94 So

Speaker 238 it was just me in this room, stood behind the counter, and there's no bell to ring.

Speaker 202 So I was just stood in this very small room with a telly on playing porn.

Speaker 76 It was just like a telly in the corner.

Speaker 238 Yeah, just a man going to town on this woman.

Speaker 238 And she was very vocal.

Speaker 202 So

Speaker 202 that was the only sound.

Speaker 102 And I was just sort of stood there. I didn't know whether to look at my phone or to watch the porn.

Speaker 237 You were stuck.

Speaker 55 No point watching porn on your phone, Maisie.

Speaker 94 It's on the TV.

Speaker 238 But then he appeared from the back.

Speaker 157 Same yards.

Speaker 82 From the back of the restaurant.

Speaker 136 You enjoy the show.

Speaker 94 I own the place.

Speaker 149 You're enjoying my washing. Is my show real?

Speaker 144 Put your clothes on and come through and have some food.

Speaker 46 You're not the first, you won't be the last. So he came.

Speaker 238 He came from the kitchen, stood behind, and then I felt like I was wrong because I felt like

Speaker 238 he'd come into the room where porn was on and I was there.

Speaker 94 So it's like you've got the porn on.

Speaker 238 So I felt the need to be like, I didn't put that on.

Speaker 160 You said that.

Speaker 45 Yeah.

Speaker 140 And then he

Speaker 78 and then he went, neither did I, but he looked very, very embarrassed.

Speaker 182 Of course he did.

Speaker 102 And then I had to make a decision then. Well, not then, I should have really made it earlier, but whether or not to still order a curry from this place that had been

Speaker 224 showcasing porn in their entrance.

Speaker 133 If I walked into a takeaway and there was porn on the telly, I'm leaving immediately.

Speaker 37 Yeah, so you turn, right?

Speaker 45 Yeah.

Speaker 94 Well, this is the thing.

Speaker 135 I'd had a curry from there before and it was really good.

Speaker 102 So I was trying to weigh up whilst this woman was enjoying herself.

Speaker 58 And it's quite hard to have a dilemma when it's against the backdrop of very loud orgasms.

Speaker 209 But I was trying to think, how good was that curry?

Speaker 102 And do I really want to still get it from here? And then I didn't really have time to make my decision because then the man appeared. And so then I was, then I just went, oh, I didn't put it on.

Speaker 78 He went, no, me neither.

Speaker 167 And then I just went, all right, chicken Prissanda, please.

Speaker 37 You know what you should have said?

Speaker 104 You should have said, I'll have what she's having.

Speaker 41 Oh, I should have.

Speaker 136 I could have had my own little. Yeah.

Speaker 10 But instead you went with, I didn't put that on.

Speaker 136 I didn't put that on.

Speaker 151 Chicken paddea, please.

Speaker 37 Or a chicken cormer.

Speaker 104 Also, it sounds like what's happened, if he didn't put it on either, that someone,

Speaker 73 someone really bad a chicken corner over there, doing the thumbs up to each other.

Speaker 46 I mean, either we want to go with that or

Speaker 125 chicken tikka masala.

Speaker 35 We'll do it later, later, later, later, later, later. Okay.

Speaker 85 You're doing a Vindaloo one?

Speaker 45 No.

Speaker 69 Okay.

Speaker 89 He's got Usan at the end.

Speaker 40 Yeah, yeah.

Speaker 51 That's probably a pop of the cherry dom.

Speaker 152 Yeah, yeah, chicken braggy.

Speaker 101 Come on.

Speaker 80 Much now.

Speaker 189 Horrendous.

Speaker 175 Okay, I'm sorry.

Speaker 69 What I think happened is I think someone else went there, got a curry. On their way out, they noticed that the TV is just

Speaker 69 you can change the channel yourself.

Speaker 93 And they just went to the channel.

Speaker 89 And they just hold

Speaker 85 that's funny. And then they went home.

Speaker 160 I hope so.

Speaker 102 That sits better with me.

Speaker 72 And then you turned up

Speaker 79 and watched it.

Speaker 27 But telly what telly would have it you've you've

Speaker 102 got to from the performance this woman was giving i don't think it was it was proper yeah i think there's a paid subscription going on so really and that that's what was quite unnerving as i watched was he watching this and then just sort of thought right better go and make some corner sauce yeah because that doesn't sit well was it like channel it wasn't like channel five no it wasn't like

Speaker 102 what's that one that used to be on late at night um when you sex etcetera wasn't like yeah it wasn't like euro or anything, yeah, yeah, yeah.

Speaker 133 It was like proper, like you could see.

Speaker 238 Do you remember Sex Ettera?

Speaker 46 No, I don't think I remember it.

Speaker 160 Do you remember Sex Ettera?

Speaker 238 Nobody else remember it, no, or

Speaker 94 no, just like

Speaker 202 sometimes sometimes when you'd go through

Speaker 102 late at night, there'd be quite erotic stuff on just a freeview channel and it's on a show called Sex Cetera.

Speaker 78 But I'd I no, I didn't watch it, I just I'd characterize it on

Speaker 201 I didn't watch it either, hence why I know nothing about it. But you,

Speaker 238 I don't like that. I feel like I've not even got to my dinner, and already the image I'm giving out is somebody who watches a heap of porn with a big casserole dish.

Speaker 45 Yeah,

Speaker 165 just straight out, you took the curry off him, straight out the pot.

Speaker 46 Yeah,

Speaker 10 don't bother with the foil thing, bring the pan out,

Speaker 37 leave this on, turn it out, leave it on, turn it out.

Speaker 69 I went out in the chase, you know.

Speaker 78 So, pop-adoms was the answer.

Speaker 94 Pop-a-doms.

Speaker 94 and

Speaker 94 porn.

Speaker 40 Porn on?

Speaker 231 No porn, thank you.

Speaker 224 Up to you.

Speaker 78 No porn in my poppadoms.

Speaker 224 Thanks.

Speaker 40 Not in it.

Speaker 46 No, popped on.

Speaker 65 That would be a real shock. Porny poppadoms.

Speaker 152 I brought the poppadoms out in that place and there was like, he'd somehow fried a bit of porn in the middle of the poppadom.

Speaker 62 When you crack it open, it makes a little noise.

Speaker 6 That would be so disconcerting.

Speaker 46 That's not what I.

Speaker 14 Went to an Indian restaurant and you do the thing where you smash the poppadoms in the middle and it goes, oh,

Speaker 136 see, that's that's not

Speaker 40 like oh, when you say porn in the poppadoms, that's not what I thought.

Speaker 51 That's even more wind to call it.

Speaker 218 I thought porn in the poppa-doms, you were literally

Speaker 136 what if you were.

Speaker 153 If you were with pop-adoms, if you were with poppadoms, you're making orgasms now.

Speaker 41 Would you leave the restaurant?

Speaker 157 A work party.

Speaker 167 Just should we get popped ons for the table?

Speaker 203 That's Maisie's orgasm noise.

Speaker 144 Edgeworth's very like, oh, oh,

Speaker 95 Maisie.

Speaker 202 Mine was the same sound when I got knocked out the chase.

Speaker 237 Oh, she liked that.

Speaker 150 She loved it.

Speaker 167 She just sat at the back of the studio with the adjudicators.

Speaker 44 Okay.

Speaker 94 Oh, God.

Speaker 33 Oh, dear. So pop it on.

Speaker 238 Yes, please.

Speaker 239 I don't know why I've mentioned that. That's Simon's thing now, and he's got his bit on.
But, like.

Speaker 48 No, well, I think we believe the words were suck at Simon.

Speaker 6 I don't think he's one in this at all.

Speaker 108 He's not, he's sucking it.

Speaker 136 He is.

Speaker 43 Go suck that tackle.

Speaker 39 Oh, the worst way to eat a tackle.

Speaker 12 It really is.

Speaker 239 No, it'd be like eating communion, like a really big communion.

Speaker 51 No, is that about...

Speaker 239 I mean, I was ex-Catholic. I'm saying ex-consecrated, right?

Speaker 148 So,

Speaker 136 in Catholicism, you suck the middle out of a taco.

Speaker 61 Well, obviously, you suck the wafer.

Speaker 239 Well, I did, but you were told it was rude to do that.

Speaker 128 There's a lot of like chat about, I used to.

Speaker 239 So, when you receive communion, you can take it by the hand or by the mouth, right?

Speaker 239 And I would let the priest give it to me in the mouth because I'm sorry.

Speaker 94 I'll be honest with you, Alison.

Speaker 38 I was sat here going, okay, come on, Ed, you're better than me.

Speaker 10 Don't make a joke about Catholicism and sucking it.

Speaker 89 Yeah.

Speaker 215 And I thought we're going to be really mature and avoid this.

Speaker 144 So

Speaker 73 there's a number of points.

Speaker 145 There was one of like

Speaker 51 sucking it.

Speaker 95 And I thought in my head, no, don't do that joke. And then it was, you can take it in the hand or take it in the mouth.

Speaker 235 Don't say that.

Speaker 151 I'm not going to jump on that.

Speaker 75 And it was eventually, I would let the priest give it to me in the map like well

Speaker 235 how the hell are we meant to leave this

Speaker 68 it's because I'm left-handed it's not like what because you're supposed to take the communion if you're if you're so I'm gonna think of a way if the police if the priest places the communion in your hand you take it with your right hand and you pop it in your mouth right but if you're I really have to think of a better word than take well then

Speaker 239 okay you receive it

Speaker 167 You open your mouth and he and he places the communion in your mouth.

Speaker 239 And then you're supposed to then like,

Speaker 239 he says something to you and you say it back.

Speaker 161 He goes,

Speaker 239 body of Christ. And I go, amen, right?

Speaker 43 And I close the mouth.

Speaker 239 I walk back to my pew. And then you're supposed to sit down, have a prayer and let it kind of let the communion slowly like melt away on your...

Speaker 160 Like a skip.

Speaker 241 Like a skip, exactly like a skip.

Speaker 239 But sometimes I would put my tongue up to the roof of my mouth, creating the glue.

Speaker 167 And then you're afraid, because this is the body of Christ.

Speaker 100 I am worried.

Speaker 134 So

Speaker 159 and you're not allowed to chew.

Speaker 136 You're not allowed to chew. You're not allowed to chew.

Speaker 167 You're not s you're not supposed to chew or look too happy while receiving the body of Christ.

Speaker 136 It's supposed to be. You're not supposed to go, mmm.

Speaker 239 Yeah, because genuinely it does taste nice.

Speaker 136 Yeah.

Speaker 239 It's like a little, it's a little wafer if people haven't had communion.

Speaker 154 Christ, it better taste nice. I know, know yeah

Speaker 239 it is exactly it's the original number one son of god you know so i've had yeah and it is like like a tackle like i have thought when i was when i was receiving communion before like it would be great with like a smear of like um cream cheese or something like that so like uh that is a nostalgic food for me that would be like my version of the old elbaso

Speaker 167 but you can't really get communion wafers

Speaker 136 well they must buy them from somewhere right i yeah i wonder wonder where

Speaker 75 imagine that imagine imagine if you saw not aster they must do not ask

Speaker 97 i was like wow

Speaker 69 imagine seeing like a a a priest like just like who's clearly just had a breakdown walking down the street eating eating a massive bag oh yeah but you know

Speaker 242 like their like their chips just like straight into the mouth someone people have definitely done that like because as people that used to be servers so that was like uh children who would like um they would be like the magician's assistants of priests basically on state.

Speaker 239 So, like, I used to do that, and um, the kids used to steal the wine,

Speaker 136 drink the wine, yeah.

Speaker 239 But we never, never fought like wafers as well, like, even though we'd access to it. What's the wine?

Speaker 241 Um, well, I was about 11, so I don't know.

Speaker 128 Wine's wine, I suppose we did.

Speaker 239 Very heady Merlot.

Speaker 97 I don't know.

Speaker 100 The priest just sips it and goes, yeah, I'll have that.

Speaker 97 Thank you, Bernie.

Speaker 55 Yeah, fill her up.

Speaker 101 Yeah.

Speaker 239 So, yeah, I feel so afraid now that I've excommunicated. I mean,

Speaker 136 I'm no longer Catholic.

Speaker 239 No longer Catholic, and I am mentally ill. And I don't know if they're connected, but

Speaker 78 I still love a candle.

Speaker 239 Like, you know. Yeah.

Speaker 153 And Catholics love candles.

Speaker 35 You can buy like fancy candles that...

Speaker 48 deliberately smell like the Catholic smell.

Speaker 241 Can you? Like a Yankee candle?

Speaker 215 Yeah, well, it's even like

Speaker 241 freshly consecrated.

Speaker 16 Yeah, but it's like you can buy that's that specific Catholic church smell.

Speaker 94 No, you can buy in like a really fancy candle.

Speaker 35 And I love, I love that smell.

Speaker 239 I would literally buy that.

Speaker 201 Yeah, the incident that's swinging around in the metal ball.

Speaker 239 Oh, you see that? I used to do that at funerals. Oh, yeah.
Yeah, I used to earn about 20 quid.

Speaker 224 It was great.

Speaker 239 Nice. You'd get money for weddings and funerals.
Yeah. You know, you'd be sad that someone has died in your village, but you would be like, oh, my shift's coming up next week.

Speaker 101 Yeah, yeah.

Speaker 100 You can go bowling.

Speaker 97 I'll have it either.

Speaker 55 That smell is great. That takes me back.

Speaker 35 Because my grandparents were Catholic, so whenever I went to my grandparents, we'd have to go to church.

Speaker 65 Yeah.

Speaker 60 And that, oh, nice smell.

Speaker 104 I don't know what the smell is.

Speaker 97 Oh, look, I'll bring you sometime.

Speaker 240 One of my food bits is like,

Speaker 46 well, I'll tell you after when it comes up.

Speaker 241 I'll be quiet.

Speaker 68 I'll let you take care of this.

Speaker 9 All of those people sicken me, James.

Speaker 135 Every single one of them, but none of them can even hold a candle or a lit match after they've just done a dump.

Speaker 62 To fattest.

Speaker 44 To Fatia Elkhori.

Speaker 48 The queen of the toilet.

Speaker 56 I mean, what an episode.

Speaker 238 Really, we could just put Fatia's entire episode here.

Speaker 136 Yeah.

Speaker 73 But here's three little choice clips from Fatiha Elghori and her disgusting mouth.

Speaker 243 Do you know what? I had baked beans the other day and usually they make me fart and they didn't So I don't know what's going on.

Speaker 243 Honestly, I really don't. I don't know if they've changed because I don't eat them because they make me fart a lot.
And I fart a lot anyway without beans. I don't need no excuse.

Speaker 243 Do you know what I mean?

Speaker 243 So like, I don't know what's happened. I think they might have changed the recipe or something.

Speaker 92 So you must fart quite a lot when you eat the baked beans normally for it to be an event in your head where you ate beans and you didn't fart.

Speaker 155 And

Speaker 92 that's a proper thing for you that you've remembered.

Speaker 39 I didn't fart when I had those beans.

Speaker 99 What the hell happened to me?

Speaker 243 Yes. One time we was having dinner, like family dinner, and I accidentally farted at table.
My mum lost her shit. She was like, Fetiha, tomorrow, you go Morocco forever.
And I was like, okay, mum.

Speaker 68 Farting.

Speaker 243 It was an accident. Okay.

Speaker 63 Morocco forever.

Speaker 243 Yeah, she was pissed. She was like, you are an animal.

Speaker 92 Did you just claim to be your sister?

Speaker 243 You don't work on my mum, just that mad grandma. Yeah, yeah.
Yeah, that's a good idea, actually.

Speaker 153 Good job she wasn't there.

Speaker 12 That walking stick would have gone straight up the button.

Speaker 98 Yeah, exactly.

Speaker 52 Do you have any other cups?

Speaker 152 Because at the moment, you're using that cup for everything.

Speaker 148 Yeah.

Speaker 55 Do you have a toilet? What's going on?

Speaker 165 Are you just literally

Speaker 64 everything goes in that cup?

Speaker 243 Do you know what? It's funny you should say that, right? Because I live near a railway bridge. So whenever people say to me, where do you live? I say, I'm a troll.
I live under the bridge.

Speaker 243 And they usually give me money.

Speaker 57 So, no, I'm joking. They don't.

Speaker 243 They don't. They just never come to my house.

Speaker 67 That's all. You were definitely going to tell another story there, Fatia.

Speaker 80 I can't remember.

Speaker 152 Well, I asked if you weed in the cup as a joke.

Speaker 8 And then you said, I've got a story, actually.

Speaker 152 I live near a railway bridge, and I was intrigued to see where this was going.

Speaker 133 That was it.

Speaker 243 I just live near a railway bridge. And then

Speaker 192 when people,

Speaker 243 when people ask me, I always go, I live down there under the box. Right.
And yeah, they feel sorry for me. That's all.
I just make them believe that I'm a troll.

Speaker 67 That's all.

Speaker 8 I really thought we were going to get a story about you taking a piss in that cup.

Speaker 226 Are you mad?

Speaker 243 No. But when I was younger, I tell you, I do have a story.
And when I was younger, I used to be obsessed with water. So, like, I would just drink from the toilet, and my mum would at the door.

Speaker 4 Yeah,

Speaker 221 I know, this is very

Speaker 10 James's face then was honestly the most surprised I've ever.

Speaker 157 It's just how

Speaker 92 when Fatia tells stories, she doesn't tell the main bit of the story.

Speaker 135 She tells the whole bit of the story the same as each other.

Speaker 92 So there's no kind of like teeing something up and here's the main thing. It's just the normal stuff and the headline is all said the same.
So just like when I was younger, I was obsessed with water.

Speaker 94 So I used to drink out the toilet.

Speaker 92 And it's just like it's all the same. And there's nothing, there's no flagging up that here comes this.

Speaker 94 It's just, there you go.

Speaker 39 I used to drink up the toilet like a little doggy.

Speaker 243 Yeah, I legit did. Like my mum would just come and I'd just

Speaker 243 like every day. They used to have to shut the door, but

Speaker 243 they would shut the toilet door. But if I, if somebody forgot, that was it, bro.
I was in there. I was like doing a David Husselhoff dive and I was just

Speaker 243 like that in the water. Honestly, I used to be like...
proper bad even in the bathroom as well i would turn the tap on and just hold it like that so it just goes

Speaker 243 everywhere you love water how old are you i think about three so you could get to the sink and turn the tap on not the sink the bath the bath the bathtub but so you could drink out of the taps of the bath yeah why were you favoring the toilet uh water I have no idea.

Speaker 243 I think it's the lion in me. You know, I said, you've got a lion immunity.

Speaker 40 I don't know.

Speaker 243 Animal, the animal in me.

Speaker 118 I don't think you can invoke the noble lion when you're talking about drinking from the toilet.

Speaker 243 I used to do it in people's houses as well, man.

Speaker 4 My mum was like, We can't take you anywhere.

Speaker 89 Straight to the toilet, drink that.

Speaker 165 Lovely to see you. Thanks for having us to your home.

Speaker 55 Excuse me, where's your bathroom?

Speaker 92 Is that Fat you're talking?

Speaker 94 Professor Free you are. Yeah.

Speaker 92 When you drank up the toilet, would you cup it in your hands and like spring it to your mouth? Or were you just fully putting your head in and lapping it up like

Speaker 65 a big lion?

Speaker 243 so what happens is because we pray we have a little jug in our toilets yeah that we fill with water so every time you go toilet rather than using tissue you use the water to clean yourself yeah so i would fill that jug and just you know drink from it the bum jug yeah yeah exactly the bum jug so you would drink out of the bum jug yeah so i'd feel that and then drink not like that i'd drink from the rim or my hands whichever because i knew they would catch me so i had to do it quickly i was like i've got to get this fixed i've got to get this fixed

Speaker 243 germs in.

Speaker 9 Yeah, so now we know why you insist on drinking from a jug.

Speaker 8 Yeah, now it's exactly that you've not changed.

Speaker 51 Still feeling like you're drinking out the toilet out of the bum jug.

Speaker 243 I am obsessed with the toilet now, you know. Like I have to get all those, you know, those things you stick on the sides that...

Speaker 243 whenever you flush a nice smell comes out i've got about 10 in my toilet like i'm obsessed with it like i bleach it every day i flush it every five seconds i know it's not good but i just like the smell the smell of those smelly things i probably drank from a dirty toilet when I was little and someone's we used to go to this woman's house and my mum used to be like, don't ever drink from their toilet.

Speaker 243 They don't flush.

Speaker 94 So like, I don't know.

Speaker 221 That's not the reason.

Speaker 169 Definitely not the reason you shouldn't drink from the toilet.

Speaker 51 She shouldn't have to say that to anyone.

Speaker 39 Remember, when we're at this person's house, don't drink from their toilet because they don't always flush.

Speaker 52 Did your grandma know that you were drinking from the toilet?

Speaker 243 Hell no. I'd be dead if she did.

Speaker 53 Your dream starter.

Speaker 243 Okay, This is crazy because we've just kind of a little bit been talking about it. But my dream starter is hovis granary bread or malty seed

Speaker 243 toast with butter. That's my favorite thing.
And the whole thing, do you know what? I've got a toaster. Do you know where it is? It's still in the box.
Okay.

Speaker 243 I don't use it because if I use my toaster, I would eat bread every motherfucking day. Do you know what I mean?

Speaker 243 Like three times a day. I'd eat it three times a day.
Can you imagine what my poo would be like? I would, it would would be a brick, I just couldn't do it. So, yeah, I can't.

Speaker 243 But that's my favorite food. Like, sometimes I go to the cafe and I'm like, Can I have toast? And they're like, No.
And I'm like, What do you mean? And they're like, It's nine o'clock, get out.

Speaker 243 And I'm like, Okay, as in like 9 p.m., not a.m., obviously. They'd have to give it to me if it was a.m.

Speaker 92 You're the cafe in the evening, try and get some toast.

Speaker 243 Yeah, I'm like, Please, can I have a bit of toast? I'll do anything for the bit of toast, please, sir. And they're like, We're gonna call the police.
That's my favorite food starter.

Speaker 243 That is my favorite.

Speaker 14 I'll be honest, it's a surprise.

Speaker 16 She makes me feel sick, James.

Speaker 62 Absolutely gross.

Speaker 186 But you know what would be a good antidote to all that poo talk?

Speaker 135 Some wonderful impressions.

Speaker 244 Oh, yeah.

Speaker 65 You've been working on your accents again, so they've come up quite a lot. Yes.

Speaker 39 I've got to say, often it's my fault.

Speaker 26 Often I will deliberately make you do them, especially in front of famous actors. Yes.

Speaker 6 So let's hear from Morgana Robinson, Joseph Quinn, Jarvis Cocker, Felicity Ward, Tom Davis, and Rob Bryden.

Speaker 68 Brydon!

Speaker 46 Brydon!

Speaker 48 Talking of accents though, Morgana, where are you from though?

Speaker 242 I was born in Australia.

Speaker 160 So there you go.

Speaker 245 I know.

Speaker 245 So I came over here when I was like three. So I don't, I'm very anglicised, but my whole family sounds like that.
We're like, you know, proper sort of redneck country Victoria Australians.

Speaker 242 You know, it's very sort of, you know, neighbours or whatever.

Speaker 29 Because obviously you're very good at voices anyway, because that's, you know, part of your job.

Speaker 112 You can slip into very auntie, though, yeah but is that easier for you to reach for because even though you're only there for it's very familiar yeah it's very familiar yeah because i have to speak to one of the time i don't know have you always been able to do voices because i'm i'm something of a i like to try and uh i can't really do them very well james is obsessed with people who can do accents but you are you want me to teach you one yeah okay why don't you ed give us an example of an accent well shall i if i can do it shall i give you an example of one that i love james doing

Speaker 3 shrek he does shrek go on then

Speaker 70 What do you want Shrek to talk about?

Speaker 233 Shoes.

Speaker 34 So Shrek's got a new pair of shoes, maybe.

Speaker 94 Yeah, that'd be lovely.

Speaker 34 Really nice new pair of shoes, and he loves them so much.

Speaker 136 Oh, I'm trying out these new shoes.

Speaker 106 Oh, they're so nice.

Speaker 51 Don't get it.

Speaker 157 Don't get it. Come and give me my shoes.

Speaker 94 I'm putting my shoes on.

Speaker 30 Oh, those are some good shoes.

Speaker 44 Oh, I'm going to wear them all the way happily ever after.

Speaker 94 Shrek.

Speaker 237 That's extraordinary.

Speaker 46 Thank you.

Speaker 40 Thank you.

Speaker 81 So where would you start maybe if there was any pointers that you could give Jones, maybe improve it, if it can be improved indeed?

Speaker 242 I just move on to the next one.

Speaker 245 Try a new attempt.

Speaker 242 But yeah, the best way is

Speaker 242 if you know someone with a Glasgow accent, just sidle up.

Speaker 83 Yeah. Enjoy the ride.

Speaker 94 And suck it all in.

Speaker 75 Mike Myers, yeah, he's Canadian, doing like a Scottish accent that a lot of...

Speaker 69 Scottish people, they don't appreciate the voice he does in Shrek. So maybe they would prefer mine because I'm just at least making, you know, I'm not even making fun of him.

Speaker 39 I'm genuinely trying every time I do that.

Speaker 69 I'd like to think that Scottish people would appreciate my one more than his one.

Speaker 242 I think so. It's got more potential or something.

Speaker 65 A lot of potential.

Speaker 48 Yeah, a lot of potential. 100% potential.

Speaker 46 It's almost, yeah, it's almost, yeah, it is.

Speaker 71 It's nothing but potential there.

Speaker 40 Yeah.

Speaker 17 Popsicles, sprinklers, a cool breeze.

Speaker 18 Talk about refreshing.

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Speaker 246 It's that time of year again, back to school season.

Speaker 246 And Instacart knows that the only thing thing harder than getting back into the swing of things is getting all the back to school supplies, snacks, and essentials you need.

Speaker 246 So here's your reminder to make your life a little easier this season.

Speaker 246 Shop favorites from Staples, Best Buy, and Costco all delivered through Instacart so that you can get some time back and do whatever it is that you need to get your life back on track.

Speaker 246 Instacart, we're here.

Speaker 84 What are you feeling like?

Speaker 112 Eye of the storm right now.

Speaker 135 You're on your social media.

Speaker 201 It's going nuts. Still pretty raw.

Speaker 186 People going save.

Speaker 247 People are insane.

Speaker 109 Are they going insane about it?

Speaker 55 They're insane about it.

Speaker 26 They're so surprised.

Speaker 117 Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Speaker 94 Loads of surprises happened.

Speaker 247 Yeah, look, it's all, yeah, we're still very much kind of

Speaker 121 in the eye of it, really, at the moment.

Speaker 247 Yeah, it's kind of mad.

Speaker 39 It's good.

Speaker 104 Every time you really go wide of your eyes, I just think I'm talking to Eddie Munson.

Speaker 39 Every time I go, there it is.

Speaker 128 He's not there.

Speaker 162 There he is.

Speaker 94 There he is there.

Speaker 40 Good accent.

Speaker 101 Thank you.

Speaker 247 That's perfect, James. Did you take a card?

Speaker 89 Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Well, you're American.

Speaker 114 James is very good at accents as well, but he loves to meet another guy who's good at accents.

Speaker 89 Yeah, yeah.

Speaker 120 Right. Nice to meet you.
Should we?

Speaker 40 Yeah, sure.

Speaker 48 Do you have any requests for James's accents?

Speaker 247 Oh, no, it's not Tim.

Speaker 247 Maybe an American, just a general American.

Speaker 94 Yeah.

Speaker 94 That's perfect.

Speaker 89 That's good.

Speaker 131 Okay.

Speaker 193 Yeah, yeah.

Speaker 104 What do you want me to talk about in my American voice?

Speaker 55 Just the last time you were surprised? I'd say the last time I was really surprised

Speaker 46 would have to be

Speaker 235 when I watched Stranger Things.

Speaker 94 Yeah, that's good.

Speaker 99 That was surprising.

Speaker 55 Yeah, surprisingly good.

Speaker 94 Yeah.

Speaker 104 That's my American voice that I would do if I was in Stranger Fings, and people would think I was American.

Speaker 69 And would be surprised when I was English.

Speaker 247 Honestly, that's how I thought I sounded.

Speaker 65 Yeah.

Speaker 190 Yeah, you feel like a sociopath.

Speaker 89 You just kind of, you just go, hey man.

Speaker 247 After a while, I was so far down the rabbit hole after like points of just being like do i sound like do i sound do i sound good like do you like do you like this do you like what i'm doing doing it too american yeah no exactly well it's kind of you put the shoe on the other foot like i was trying to like i was talking to joe keiry and i was at one point i was like so like honestly so deep in it and he was just like dude i can't save you

Speaker 247 i can't save you but i promise you it's gonna be fine yeah but yeah it was um thank you for that jam hey no worries i'm happy to you know put my american acts now They're pretty good.

Speaker 201 Yeah.

Speaker 69 I thought you were going to make me do Shrek, so thank you for not making me do Shrek.

Speaker 109 It's annoying when actors do like voices for stuff and they put on an accent for a card.

Speaker 45 You go, why have you hired that person?

Speaker 36 Just hire someone that's from there.

Speaker 75 And I was about to give an example, but now I'm not going to give the example because I know what would happen.

Speaker 40 But no?

Speaker 119 Ah, no?

Speaker 46 Yes.

Speaker 34 No. James is referring to Shrek because James does a very good Shrek impression.

Speaker 72 Would you like to hear James's Shrek impression, Jarvis? Yeah, come on.

Speaker 192 Well,

Speaker 89 what would you like me to talk about at Shrek, Jarvis?

Speaker 249 Imagine you're talking to the donkey about its

Speaker 40 personal hygiene.

Speaker 36 Donkey! You gotta wash behind your ears.

Speaker 158 You build so disgusting, donkey. You gotta brush your teeth, donkey.
Come over here and listen to me while I'm talking to you.

Speaker 27 How do you feel about that?

Speaker 249 Well, I'm glad to have witnessed it. Yeah.
It's a long time since I've seen Shrek, so I can't say exactly how

Speaker 204 it is. Well, it's very good.

Speaker 34 The film and James's impression, both both excellent.

Speaker 89 Equally good.

Speaker 34 There's Shrek the Musical, which is available to watch on Netflix.

Speaker 118 And I popped on the first five minutes the other day, and it's utterly horrifying.

Speaker 33 Yeah. Yeah.
It's terrifying. Is it live action?

Speaker 125 A man dressed as Shrek.

Speaker 14 As in like a live stage version of Shrek the Musical.

Speaker 45 Oh, no.

Speaker 136 A big green man.

Speaker 109 Do you like musicals as a musician?

Speaker 120 Oh, God.

Speaker 249 No, I don't. Like, when I used to do a radio show on Six Music, on a Sunday, when I got in the lift, it would always be Elaine Page on.

Speaker 249 And she plays loads of musical.

Speaker 129 So I just try.

Speaker 249 I can last about even the length. You know, it's only three floors.

Speaker 249 But by the time I was got to the third floor, I was going, please let me have this landing.

Speaker 144 It's like, so

Speaker 107 you know, that kind of,

Speaker 129 I just hate it. It's like, shut up.

Speaker 40 That's good, though.

Speaker 194 You think I could get a job on

Speaker 144 Shaftesbury Avenue?

Speaker 75 Yeah, I wish you would shut the musical if you were doing that.

Speaker 118 I think a pulp droop box musical,

Speaker 48 but then people turn up and it's everyone's doing it in that voice would be

Speaker 249 a desecration.

Speaker 45 I think pulp fans would like that though. If there was a pulp the musical and it was all your hits, but everyone sang it like that, not really enunciating any dynamics and just...

Speaker 249 You're just trying to finish what's left of my career.

Speaker 83 My mum has it every single morning and she tells me, she's done it for 10 years. Yeah.
And I'll get, if I go over there and she goes, I've made you breakfast.

Speaker 83 Would you like a bit of Birch and Muesley? I've just soaked them over.

Speaker 135 And she will go through what she's done.

Speaker 154 She's been doing it for a decade.

Speaker 94 I'm like, I know exactly what's in there.

Speaker 208 I appreciate it.

Speaker 83 My mum is amazing where she talks about the food that she's cooked like she's just completed a Heston Blumenthal recipe.

Speaker 83 And she's like, I just had a nice little salad with, you know, a little bit of lettuce and some parsley for the garden.

Speaker 76 And I'm like, yeah, this sounds like a pretty standard salad.

Speaker 150 Yeah, I get that.

Speaker 227 Sure, sure, sure, sure.

Speaker 83 She did not have a functioning oven for years and one of the stovetops worked and she was all right with that. And one, when I was staying out there once, I got home and it was really late.

Speaker 83 And I said, I'm really hungry. And she said, there's a frozen pizza in the freezer.
I was like, oh, okay, I'll just whack that in the oven. She goes, the oven doesn't work.

Speaker 83 Why don't you put it on the barbecue?

Speaker 136 I'm like, oh.

Speaker 165 I didn't know if barbecues did frost.

Speaker 214 She's like, no, no, no, I'll be fine. And so I cooked it.

Speaker 83 I don't know if you've seen that episode of The Simpsons where Marge goes and then Homer tries to cook fish fingers and they're burnt on the outside and frozen in the middle.

Speaker 77 It was that.

Speaker 83 It was absolutely disgusting. That was the same night she tried to tell me that she invented the phrase, get a room.

Speaker 83 And also tried to like get me over into cryptocurrency.

Speaker 153 Wow.

Speaker 78 My mum is a loose unit.

Speaker 9 I just say broadly, don't take crypto advice from someone who doesn't have a working oven.

Speaker 83 Yeah, or someone who cooks pizza on a barbecue.

Speaker 94 Yeah.

Speaker 72 Most Australian anecdote we've ever had on you.

Speaker 62 on the same trip let me tell you this yeah i had a let me tell you this if you're non-bloody mind

Speaker 154 i love this character hello there chef how you going

Speaker 83 that's like my old working club man um we have things called rsls in australia which are like return service league they're working man clubs for people that have been in the military but there's always someone that's up at the bar that's like ordering

Speaker 159 hello there streila how you going

Speaker 98 i love it yeah

Speaker 144 absolutely love that one.

Speaker 83 Yeah, they say that this is something that my...

Speaker 83 So I'm just being flooded with memories.

Speaker 83 My pop was very Australian. He's ex-Army as well.
And one day when mum and dad had only been going out for a little while, mum caught a wave and she lost her bikini top.

Speaker 83 And so she covered her hands and came, like covered her boobs with her hands, came out of the water.

Speaker 159 And my pop said, if those puppies are for sale, I love the one with the little brown nose sticking out.

Speaker 85 It's time I've had streets.

Speaker 235 As soon as you said it, I was like, oh, that's going to kill him.

Speaker 62 That's going to kill him.

Speaker 79 Oh, imagine saying that to your future daughter-in-law.

Speaker 233 Yeah.

Speaker 159 So bad.

Speaker 225 This is why I have no boundaries.

Speaker 157 I've never been taught them.

Speaker 74 My dad said that to my girlfriend.

Speaker 70 I'd be like, we're moving to a different country and we're never seeing my parents again.

Speaker 10 Oh, that's so funny.

Speaker 132 I took my wife now back to where I came from, Mayo, for this sort of trip of like, you know, just before we got married, I was like, yeah, I'm going to take you back to where I come from.

Speaker 132 This tiny little place called Roy Carter, which is near Belmullet, which is sort of on the sort of like furthest peak of Ireland. And I hadn't been back for years.

Speaker 132 So I was like, look, we're going to go and, you know, you can sort of see like where my grandmother was born and all that. So we were driving over there.

Speaker 132 And the satnav basically stops, can't find this place. Roy Carter is quite a tough little place to find.
So we sort of pull over in Belmullet, we're going to this petral station.

Speaker 248 And I'm like,

Speaker 132 I'm going to do this accent, right?

Speaker 72 Yes.

Speaker 132 but like this accent in me or they have this kind of sort of singing we of talking when you're talking to you I can't do it greatly but I'm gonna try

Speaker 132 I haven't been there yeah so that sounded like a legit accent I go into the petrol station I was like oh hi I'm looking for Roy Roy Carter and this man goes

Speaker 132 what do you want with Roy Carter or what do you want for Boyden or And I said oh I'm I'm over there like my family's from there like my grandmother what's your grandmother's name now

Speaker 132 Bridget Lally Bridget Lally's dead. She's been dead for about 20 years.
I know she's dead. She's...

Speaker 5 But my uncle's, Dennis and Tady Lally.

Speaker 132 Dennis is in a mental law institution. Tady's dead.

Speaker 244 I was like, Yeah, I know this.

Speaker 132 They're my uncle's. And he's like, What do you want here?

Speaker 244 I said, Well, I'm going to take my what. Yeah.

Speaker 5 I basically have to do an interview to go to this fucking place, right?

Speaker 132 So I do this whole thing. And he's like, Good, follow me.

Speaker 147 I'll show you where I carto.

Speaker 244 So we get in the car and we drop me and my wife are driving.

Speaker 132 He speeds off. My wife's trying to keep up, right?

Speaker 72 Speeds through the country.

Speaker 132 We turn up at Hoy Boy Carter and he runs into this BB pub we're staying in and the whole pub comes out.

Speaker 244 And I still come out.

Speaker 31 It's quite intimidating.

Speaker 132 You're in the middle of nowhere, like sort of like, you know, the wilderness of Ireland.

Speaker 174 And my wife said, oh my god, what's happening?

Speaker 94 I was like, don't worry, I've got this.

Speaker 132 I get out of the car and the woman who runs the BB is like, what do you want here?

Speaker 244 He says, you're related to Bridget Lally now. She's dead.
She's been dead.

Speaker 20 I've been 20 years. I said, oh, no, yes.

Speaker 97 Bridget Lally's my grandmother.

Speaker 5 And she says,

Speaker 244 it says, no, Denison Teard is nephew.

Speaker 20 You know that Denison Mental Institution tiered his dead and all.

Speaker 97 I said, yeah, no, no, no, no, they're my uncle's.

Speaker 244 It's, yeah, yeah, yeah.

Speaker 132 I come from, like, this is, I want to sort of like, it's a sort of me retracing and showing my wife, like, where, where I'm from and the, you know, where my family's from.

Speaker 132 And my wife was like, we have a room booked here.

Speaker 164 And she was like, we've got one room booked tonight in the near of Mick and Mary Murphy.

Speaker 43 Is that you? And I went, no, no, no, no.

Speaker 132 I'm Tom Davis. And like, this is my fiance, Catherine Morphy.

Speaker 244 And she was like, My few was, maybe we'll get a neem wrong.

Speaker 164 Will Mary Mick, will you come in?

Speaker 97 I was like, no, no, like, that's not my uncle.

Speaker 43 So take us to this fucking nuts room, right?

Speaker 94 We're there for like four or five days.

Speaker 132 We're driving around. And for the whole time, she's calling me, Mick, my wife, Mary.
It's like an insane place.

Speaker 244 It's like something from a comedy sketch.

Speaker 43 They never load up.

Speaker 31 Yeah, no, no, no, no.

Speaker 5 Because I think they had just literally not heard what my wife was saying and just put these names together.

Speaker 20 Yeah, oh, yeah, yeah.

Speaker 30 So

Speaker 174 this, like, sort of the, I think, like the penultimate night with there.

Speaker 132 I'm sort of like, I was in the bar chatting to some people and she comes with a worried look on her face. She said, can I have a word with you, Mick?

Speaker 192 I was like, yeah, yeah.

Speaker 97 She says,

Speaker 132 Dion, there's a young man over there. She says, You're an actor by the name of Tom Davis.

Speaker 89 He's got it all wrong.

Speaker 68 I said, No, no, that is me.

Speaker 97 I'm Tom Davis.

Speaker 33 I'm an actor by the Noah.

Speaker 5 When you got here, you said you were Bridget Lally's grandson.

Speaker 132 I was like, Yeah, no, I am Bridget Lally's grandson. And Dennison Teady's nephew.
I said, Yeah, no,

Speaker 132 you know, but he's convinced you're an actor. I said, No, I am an actor.
I'm an actor, but I'm also related to Bridget and Tadie.

Speaker 132 And she's like, Um

Speaker 50 but who the fucking hell is McMurphy?

Speaker 97 I said, I have no idea who McMurphy is, right?

Speaker 43 And she's this is quite the conundrum here, and it.

Speaker 31 And I was like, it's really not a conundrum.

Speaker 244 Anyway,

Speaker 5 she still writes to me, like, on, DM me from this place.

Speaker 68 So stay right in.

Speaker 244 It's an incredible process. Anyway.

Speaker 37 There'll be nothing you and your modern up-to-the-minute hipster humour can do about it.

Speaker 94 It'll be old school all the way.

Speaker 69 Man, imagine if there's another series of the trip, and they were like, you've got to have a, you know, some new blood, some modern hipster humor.

Speaker 40 And

Speaker 13 I managed to make the cut.

Speaker 46 We take you along with us.

Speaker 129 We're getting destroyed.

Speaker 33 Like, scrappy dude.

Speaker 195 Scrappy-doo around the table.

Speaker 29 You're the kid that's with us.

Speaker 13 We're getting absolutely just torn apart.

Speaker 55 I don't think you'd say I'll be.

Speaker 73 I don't think you would.

Speaker 87 I think you would overpower us with the power of now, basically.

Speaker 87 And we'd look like two granddads. And we'd be going,

Speaker 234 go on, Steve. Come back to him with something.

Speaker 97 Oh,

Speaker 55 I can't forgive anything.

Speaker 94 It's really fast.

Speaker 157 I know, but you are as well.

Speaker 82 So are you.

Speaker 30 Why don't you say something?

Speaker 9 But obviously, you and Steve are back and forth with impressions as well in the trip.

Speaker 6 So James would have to get involved in that, really, wouldn't he?

Speaker 91 Yeah, would you do?

Speaker 163 Oh, no.

Speaker 48 So, James, what could you do if it was all sort of...

Speaker 9 If it was fast-paced impressions around the world.

Speaker 69 I know where he's going with this, Rob.

Speaker 89 Have you gotten up his sleeve, are you? Well, I haven't gotten it.

Speaker 186 Well, this is a regular thing on the podcast.

Speaker 113 It's so far up his sleeve it's popped out his collar.

Speaker 104 Ed makes me do an impression quite vaguely on this podcast, and I don't like doing it.

Speaker 69 And I've been very this, he's really done well here.

Speaker 89 It's very early, isn't it?

Speaker 45 It's very early in the podcast.

Speaker 89 Very early.

Speaker 48 Because I specifically like it when James has to do it to people who are good at impressions or accents or anything like that.

Speaker 72 Yeah, but we can move on, can't we?

Speaker 124 No, no, no, no, let's hear it.

Speaker 151 So who is it?

Speaker 72 Well, I'll do it, and you can guess who it is. Oh, good, good.
What would you like me to talk about?

Speaker 122 Talk about...

Speaker 75 Act like I'm on the trip with you and Steve.

Speaker 87 Yeah, so you could say something like, well, talk about the food.

Speaker 195 Let's say we're having a lovely starter. Talk about that.

Speaker 72 That's what we talk about.

Speaker 158 Oh, Steve, do you like your starter?

Speaker 61 Huh?

Speaker 61 Donkey! It's donkey bit.

Speaker 158 Steve, are you eating your starter man?

Speaker 195 Oh, is that meant to be Mike Myers doing Shrek?

Speaker 66 My name is Shrek.

Speaker 55 It's Shrek, is it?

Speaker 195 It's only because you said donkey. If you hadn't said donkey.

Speaker 146 Yeah, the first bit you were.

Speaker 46 You may as well have said that donkey. Oh, Princess Fiona.

Speaker 65 She's lovely.

Speaker 73 I mean, yeah, it's not good.

Speaker 41 I've got too much res I said it's you heard me i said it's not good i've got too much respect for you james to to to say anything other no no it's not good it's not your area i would stay out of that area i would like to see that on the committee you gotta you gotta admit that oh there's no doubt you committed to it if anything that made it worse is that the first thing on the checklist of a good impression commitment yeah throwing stamping like the person that's the first thing and that's the bit i think that james skipped over yeah yeah yeah yeah you have you have so many talents james and i think you've got to it would be like me trying to do keepy uppies you know It's never going to happen.

Speaker 195 It's rubbish.

Speaker 33 No, I can't.

Speaker 69 But you want to try? Your character and the trip would try.

Speaker 75 Your character in the trip would be very competitive, Lovely.

Speaker 26 Of course, yes.

Speaker 195 But of course, you see, that's where my character and the trip is very much a fabrication because I'm not that.

Speaker 87 I'm competitive in some ways, but in others, I'm massively uncompetitive. I'm happy for a no-score draw.

Speaker 49 Ah, hearing that that back actually, I realized that I'm much better at accents than I think I am.

Speaker 1 Yeah, but you still get pretty wound up, man.

Speaker 69 Uh, do you know what? A lot of guests do come on this podcast and wind me up.

Speaker 186 I don't think I'm to blame there.

Speaker 111 I think it's always reasonable whenever I get wound up.

Speaker 81 You used to be to blame, but now I think people come in to deliberately try and wind you up.

Speaker 6 Yeah, they do.

Speaker 1 Certainly, in the case of some of these: Esther Menito, Charlotte Church, Flo and Joan, and Professor Brian Cox.

Speaker 201 I feel angry just hearing their names.

Speaker 151 We arrive at your dessert.

Speaker 104 Now, listen.

Speaker 43 Oh, don't pull that face.

Speaker 94 This is

Speaker 153 Asther.

Speaker 154 This is

Speaker 229 everything I do just angers James.

Speaker 94 Yeah, but this will be the one.

Speaker 94 I hope you're going to do what I hope.

Speaker 130 Come on.

Speaker 53 What is...

Speaker 66 Right.

Speaker 46 Pick whatever you like, Asther.

Speaker 56 What I don't think is going to happen.

Speaker 229 It's always slim people that love dessert, isn't it?

Speaker 37 Hey, I'll say, I'm the slim white guy of Manderbel.

Speaker 55 It's always people that are like, I love just looking at me for that.

Speaker 173 It's always these slim people who like it, isn't it?

Speaker 61 No, you're right.

Speaker 53 You know what I want about Tubba?

Speaker 69 I like where this is going.

Speaker 60 I know.

Speaker 94 I'm not going any further.

Speaker 30 No, I'm talking about...

Speaker 64 Other desserts.

Speaker 6 I do like where this is going.

Speaker 193 I am scared.

Speaker 75 I am scared because I don't really know where to direct my anger in this room.

Speaker 107 I haven't had somebody I don't think...

Speaker 234 I have had people in this room yeah throw me for yeah yeah you have yeah so you get quite angry if someone doesn't have dessert yes so if you went out for a meal with somebody and they didn't have dessert would you just get up and walk out well no I would shout at them and threaten to throw them into Trafalgar Square which is what I did to Ed Yeah, that's what he thought.

Speaker 109 He ordered the cheese and biscuits.

Speaker 109 And yeah, so most people, I don't think there's anyone who, if they ordered cheese and biscuits in a restaurant, I wouldn't get annoyed about it instead of having dessert.

Speaker 46 If someone just doesn't have dessert, and that's there's a pass on it entirely, I'm not delighted but it's not as bad as cheese board is the worst.

Speaker 44 Really? I don't surely passing is no no no passing is not as bad.

Speaker 89 Cheese board is worse because it's it's real okay we're going down a spiral.

Speaker 203 It's real bad cheese board.

Speaker 173 But you get the sweetness from the chutney.

Speaker 36 Nope.

Speaker 144 You do not.

Speaker 53 What are you about to say?

Speaker 211 I was gonna say

Speaker 200 cheeseboard.

Speaker 61 Fucking hell, yes.

Speaker 236 With some grapes and

Speaker 41 sweetened a bit of sweetness from the grapes, so grapes.

Speaker 46 What the fuck?

Speaker 166 Grapes, blue Stilton,

Speaker 71 some salty crackers. Lovely.

Speaker 94 Yeah, really good.

Speaker 40 I hate it.

Speaker 52 The thing is, James, you don't understand flavours because

Speaker 144 you need the grapes as your sweetness, and then you get the salty Stilton.

Speaker 51 It's lovely.

Speaker 136 No, that's not true. You don't understand flavours.

Speaker 63 Oh, God.

Speaker 45 What would you have then after a curry?

Speaker 144 Oh, a fucking pudding, maybe?

Speaker 94 Yeah, like like what?

Speaker 130 Ice cream, sorbet, cheesecake, fudge cake.

Speaker 82 Fudge

Speaker 82 cake.

Speaker 172 Chocolate fudge cake.

Speaker 46 No one says fudge cake.

Speaker 52 It's always chocolate fudge cake.

Speaker 40 Well, sorry, I have to specify.

Speaker 89 I wouldn't have a... I wouldn't...

Speaker 228 Yeah, but you don't want... After a big meal, you don't want to have to then have a cake.

Speaker 177 I agree.

Speaker 6 You don't want a pudding after a curry.

Speaker 66 I'd have loads of custard.

Speaker 115 A big bowl of custard over cheeseboard.

Speaker 185 Not after a curry, you wouldn't. Yeah, I would.

Speaker 192 Oh, God.

Speaker 229 I can't stand custard.

Speaker 94 I can't stand it.

Speaker 61 What? I feel...

Speaker 211 I can't stand it.

Speaker 40 I really can't stand it.

Speaker 227 Rice pudding as well.

Speaker 40 These are things that I've got.

Speaker 75 It's too hard to get your bare-naked teeth.

Speaker 162 I don't have an ammonia.

Speaker 9 I think a cheese board after a curry is a great choice.

Speaker 45 I think it's a great choice.

Speaker 94 It looks not a great choice.

Speaker 9 You do have the cold grapes to soothe the spice.

Speaker 46 What?

Speaker 228 You talk about your ice cream to soothe the spice.

Speaker 156 Yeah, normally it could be.

Speaker 94 It's different.

Speaker 178 It's perfect to soothe the spice.

Speaker 40 Alright, James.

Speaker 233 Just chill out, yeah.

Speaker 40 Right, listen. I tell you what,

Speaker 62 I will compromise.

Speaker 153 No, see, this always happens.

Speaker 55 You always bully people into he does, yeah, he throws a little fit, doesn't he? Yeah, you should.

Speaker 26 I think you should stick to your guns, Esther.

Speaker 72 That's all I'm saying.

Speaker 166 Well, I will, but the only compromise I'll have is, you know, in the Indian restaurant, for the dessert, you get the whole lemon with the sorbet in it.

Speaker 181 We go, Corsa, yeah, yeah.

Speaker 201 Put the sorbet in the bin.

Speaker 107 There we go.

Speaker 151 Sorbet in the bin. Eat the lemon.

Speaker 73 Would have had him like a spoon.

Speaker 45 No need. Yeah.

Speaker 40 No.

Speaker 210 I'm eating the whole thing.

Speaker 188 I'm not a pac-man.

Speaker 154 Well, I hate to tell you.

Speaker 100 Just to tell my jaws.

Speaker 146 I hate to tell you, that's exactly how you've characterised yourself throughout this podcast, that you're a lemon pac-man.

Speaker 94 Yeah.

Speaker 62 I said I peel it and I eat the slices.

Speaker 45 Honestly.

Speaker 55 I love a lemon sorbet. I love it.

Speaker 89 Very bad. In a whole lemon.

Speaker 51 I'll have a lemon sorbet. Yeah.

Speaker 53 Lemon sorbet is delicious.

Speaker 166 Let it be known that I would prefer to have a cheese board, but because a little bit of a bread.

Speaker 30 I'm not going to have shrimp.

Speaker 125 You can have both.

Speaker 229 I'll have both then.

Speaker 176 You can have a cheese board and then you can have a little lemon sorbet and a whole lemon.

Speaker 166 What about those posh places where you go and you have the little sorbet between courses to cleanse the palate?

Speaker 40 Do you have that? I've never had that before.

Speaker 45 I've heard it said. Yeah.

Speaker 182 I've heard tale.

Speaker 204 You've heard tail of the

Speaker 34 intercourse sorbets.

Speaker 69 I do genuinely feel calmer now, the lemon sorbet's intercourse.

Speaker 229 Would you eat like an angel delight?

Speaker 80 Yes.

Speaker 115 I would do it.

Speaker 40 That's made me angry.

Speaker 30 I wouldn't do that.

Speaker 48 You don't like custard angels or like, you don't like anything sloppy.

Speaker 94 Why?

Speaker 136 Why, why?

Speaker 94 Why?

Speaker 229 Because it's all just like vomit looking, innit?

Speaker 40 What?

Speaker 102 It just looks like custard.

Speaker 156 Slurping custard. See,

Speaker 6 this is really interesting as well.

Speaker 48 And I've spoken about this on the podcast.

Speaker 136 Moving on.

Speaker 150 I'll have a trifle.

Speaker 43 I've got custard in it.

Speaker 237 It's literally got custard, cream.

Speaker 94 It's literally the consistency of everything you just said.

Speaker 46 Wow.

Speaker 150 No, listen to.

Speaker 82 I've gone back on myself again.

Speaker 103 No, listen, at Christmas,

Speaker 234 I'll have a scoop a trifle because I like the cream the whipped cream you like the whipped cream well you just want to scoop a whipped cream no i'll stick with my no i'll have my cheese board and then my lemon saw bake and a spoonful of trifle of course and a spoonful of trifle no i'm not having a spoonful of trifle i'm just saying to prove a point because he was getting angry right so just to just to let me know that i'm not complete

Speaker 135 you have a spoonful of trifle

Speaker 75 but that's gonna reassure apparently that makes me angry yeah

Speaker 58 actually if i'm allowed to do that then what i would love to do is is go back to the the Dreaming in Mid-Wales, in the heart of Wales, to the Healing Retreat Centre.

Speaker 102 And there are two incredible waterfalls.

Speaker 58 So I am going to stand with a really fancy-looking goblet at the bottom of the waterfall. And I am going to take this pristine, cool water right from the waterfall.
Thank you very much.

Speaker 69 And when you're there, are you out of the way of the waterfall and you're holding the goblet into the waterfall?

Speaker 69 Or are you just standing under the waterfall with a goblet and it's all just going all over you?

Speaker 58 Okay, you clearly have a little fantasy going on there, my darling. This isn't a wet t-shirt competition and standing next to the waterfall.

Speaker 41 James looks absolutely gutted.

Speaker 215 Absolutely gutted that you've called him out for that.

Speaker 45 Oh, I've never been called a grubby little perv before on the podcast, but I feel like a grubby little perv right now.

Speaker 118 Sorry about that, Charlotte.

Speaker 89 I do apologise for James.

Speaker 58 Don't apologise at all, but no.

Speaker 58 I am dry and I am holding my goblet under the waterfall.

Speaker 122 Yeah, yeah. Oh, God.

Speaker 34 James, Charlotte just wants to get on with her dream meal. She doesn't need to be peeking out of bushes, hoping she's going to get into the waterfall.

Speaker 96 I swear I'm not picking out of any bushes. I was just

Speaker 74 sort of the logistics of holding the goblet into the waterfall.

Speaker 44 That's all, but like it's nice and clear now.

Speaker 58 Versus getting completely submerged.

Speaker 150 Yeah, those are the two options.

Speaker 36 I thought that was the two options.

Speaker 66 We arrive at your dream dessert and we haven't even had you like try and predict each other's at any point.

Speaker 3 Oh yeah, this would be a good time to predict.

Speaker 69 Do you think you might know what the other person's going to choose as dream dessert?

Speaker 76 I could guess at yours.

Speaker 214 Shall I?

Speaker 79 Shall I, boys and girls?

Speaker 146 Topsy and tail, baby.

Speaker 59 My guess would be a baked Alaska.

Speaker 60 Wrong.

Speaker 75 Oh, okay. Oh, I see the delight in your eyes when you said wrong.

Speaker 64 Wrong.

Speaker 168 Even if it was wrong. Wrong.

Speaker 212 To be fair, even if it was right, I would now do an absolute 180 inch music. I'm thinking of all the desserts I want now.

Speaker 39 Why did you think baked Alaska?

Speaker 160 I do like baked Alaska.

Speaker 59 Because you, yeah. Well, for that reason.

Speaker 61 Yeah.

Speaker 204 Quite straightforward. Yeah.

Speaker 59 Mum makes a cracking one and.

Speaker 214 Gotcha.

Speaker 30 Do I mean?

Speaker 55 Probably mortarboard in the air.

Speaker 55 Yeah, freeze stroke.

Speaker 198 Yeah, that is the baked Alaska.

Speaker 76 Then she just stays there forever.

Speaker 212 She just freezes in the

Speaker 150 Amino cereum. Yeah.

Speaker 142 Yeah. Yeah.

Speaker 212 I do like to bake baked Alaska. I don't really like desserts, so that's like one I'd choose if I had to have a dessert, but I don't really like them.

Speaker 40 So what's what's about to happen now?

Speaker 212 I want a bowl of stale Watsit, please.

Speaker 108 Don't ask yourself forever.

Speaker 144 What the f what what?

Speaker 37 Are you joking?

Speaker 230 It might be the worst one we've ever had.

Speaker 144 It's the worst one we've ever had.

Speaker 94 What the fuck?

Speaker 46 Living fuck.

Speaker 150 It's the worst meal we've ever had. How the fuck? How what?

Speaker 94 Not even I could get on board with that.

Speaker 61 What? Nobody eats.

Speaker 150 Somebody likes Watson.

Speaker 144 Can't get on board with that.

Speaker 136 A bowl of stale Watsics for dessert.

Speaker 59 I'll be doing my own solo show.

Speaker 30 We were talking about baked Alaskas a minute ago.

Speaker 150 A bowl of stale Watson's.

Speaker 157 How is that a pudding?

Speaker 212 It's not, but I don't like puddings, really.

Speaker 150 Why won't you put that

Speaker 158 baked Alaska, which you admitted you liked a minute ago?

Speaker 157 A bit of stale Watson somewhere else in the meal.

Speaker 76 Because I don't don't want a dessert.

Speaker 212 Like I never order a dessert when I go to a restaurant. I never ever ever want it.

Speaker 76 So I can never say that she doesn't.

Speaker 141 Thank you.

Speaker 56 Can we talk about why stale Watsits?

Speaker 212 You know when you go to a party in 1997, it's like kids' birthday party and you've like everyone's picked at loads of stuff and there's bowls of stuff.

Speaker 212 The Watsits go stale and they taste so lovely and chewy.

Speaker 150 Fucking love them.

Speaker 212 And I like again like picking. So I don't want to like I want to eat and really enjoy my main meal.
Yeah. So I don't want to be like holding myself back for a dessert.
But I can just pick at a Watson.

Speaker 212 I can just pick at them until they're done.

Speaker 64 It's the worst dish any was ever chosen on the podcast ever.

Speaker 53 Not just dessert.

Speaker 144 Any course ever.

Speaker 44 A bowl of stale Watsons.

Speaker 133 It's nearly...

Speaker 46 What the fuck? Thank you.

Speaker 9 I think with, it's alongside...

Speaker 113 Daisy May Cooper's pizza

Speaker 35 salad.

Speaker 94 Look for dessert.

Speaker 94 For dessert. Pizza salad.

Speaker 163 Pizza hut buffet salad for dessert.

Speaker 89 Yeah.

Speaker 69 With like croutons and bacon and stuff in it.

Speaker 201 That was bad and made me angry.

Speaker 44 This

Speaker 151 is way worse.

Speaker 186 This is not even a good version of the thing you've chosen.

Speaker 135 So you've chosen, you haven't even said a bowl of Watsets.

Speaker 104 He said a bowl of stale Watsits, which I've had a stale Watsit and it's disgusting.

Speaker 94 I fucking love them.

Speaker 38 It's why they're not sold that way.

Speaker 212 I buy Watsits and I will open the bag, go away on tour for a week, and then eat them when I come home.

Speaker 86 Oh, and have it with your tea that you've been missing.

Speaker 117 Stale Watsits is English wedding soup. Yeah.

Speaker 61 What?

Speaker 59 As mad as I think this is, there is actually quite a nice joy in eating like something that's puffy but is slightly like cracky.

Speaker 80 Like

Speaker 207 what it's in your mouth.

Speaker 109 Well done for making a taste even worse.

Speaker 30 Yeah,

Speaker 196 this made a bad thing sound even worse.

Speaker 135 There's a joy in eating something that's puffy but cracky.

Speaker 94 What?

Speaker 206 What?

Speaker 59 Well you get the night, you get the sort of soft crunch and then it goes into puff.

Speaker 136 That's horrible. Right, well, I might be coming around to the Whatsets.

Speaker 65 No, you're not.

Speaker 74 There's no way you're coming Melted.

Speaker 135 You're saying you're coming Meltdread to try and wind me up.

Speaker 46 And it's working, is it? Yeah.

Speaker 59 Would you feel the same feeling with like chipsticks or anything else? It's sort of like maisy.

Speaker 212 I like a stale chipstick, but...

Speaker 136 Stale again?

Speaker 144 What the hell is the matter with you?

Speaker 212 They're like too, they taste like communion bread, you know, like church bread.

Speaker 117 Skips, but like fishy church bread.

Speaker 168 Don't want that.

Speaker 212 But yeah, it's only like chipsticks and what's it. I just, if I stopped using the word stale and said infused with more air, would that make you feel better?

Speaker 46 No, it wouldn't make me feel better.

Speaker 37 Maybe it would make me feel slightly better.

Speaker 203 Oh, so now you are coming around to it.

Speaker 33 No, I'm not coming round to anything.

Speaker 74 If you said for your dessert you want a bowl of Watsitz, I'd still go through the roof.

Speaker 75 But the fact that you won't stale Watson's, I'm going up into space.

Speaker 149 Absolutely.

Speaker 55 Horrendous.

Speaker 133 See, Rosie, she's over the moon at the moment.

Speaker 94 Horrendous. Oh, man.

Speaker 46 Do you know what?

Speaker 109 I absolutely don't regret trying to push you to say the secret ingredient earlier.

Speaker 116 I wish you hadn't.

Speaker 31 I wish she'd said it.

Speaker 144 It was Rocket, by the way.

Speaker 30 I wish she'd said it.

Speaker 44 And you'd have been out of the restaurant. You never would have said stale Watsitz.

Speaker 212 I would have stood outside eating my little stale bag of Watsits, watching the rest of you enjoy a nice evening with our Dormio ma.

Speaker 130 You won't be outside eating your stale bag of Watson's because we'd have chucked you out and you wouldn't have got anything that you planned on having in here ever again.

Speaker 7 I suppose it's like a cheeseboard, really.

Speaker 75 It's a similar sort of something salty and cheesy at the end of the day.

Speaker 39 Might say, it makes it even worse.

Speaker 40 Congratulations.

Speaker 151 Yes, even worse.

Speaker 74 The worst cheese board ever. Stale Watsits.

Speaker 33 Oh my good God.

Speaker 74 What? Rosie.

Speaker 45 No pressure.

Speaker 207 Stale chipsticks.

Speaker 59 After seeing your reaction, I'm slightly nervous about this, but it is sugary.

Speaker 182 Sugary.

Speaker 150 Sugary.

Speaker 150 It did have sugar.

Speaker 61 Champagne sugar.

Speaker 59 I would like a really big bag of pick a mix. Okay.

Speaker 46 Yeah. Here we are.

Speaker 59 But here's the caveat, and this is why I'm slightly scared to say it. I really love pickamix.
You know, the old, like old, like Wilco's, you get the Candy King or like an old sweet shop.

Speaker 59 I like the sweets to feel a bit, yeah, the Woolworths. I like them to feel a bit old.

Speaker 37 Great.

Speaker 46 Great. Stale.

Speaker 41 No problem.

Speaker 160 I wouldn't say

Speaker 136 stale because I don't think sweets can go stale.

Speaker 212 What's your problem with stale Watson's when not with stale sweets?

Speaker 46 Oh, I don't know.

Speaker 48 Let me look at what coarse one.

Speaker 136 Fucking dessert.

Speaker 101 So that would be why.

Speaker 89 That would be why.

Speaker 151 If you put stale Watson's earlier in the meal, I'd have let it go.

Speaker 72 I would have had a bit of a laugh about it.

Speaker 44 This is a crime.

Speaker 212 If I'd said, once, there were a few years ago, they made ice cream flavour Monster Munch, would you accept that?

Speaker 75 Yeah, I'd be more open to that.

Speaker 79 Oh, well, that's not my choice.

Speaker 212 I was just checking out.

Speaker 94 I know it's not your choice.

Speaker 94 But if you said ice cream flavour Monster Munch, I'd be like, oh, that was a challenge.

Speaker 72 That's definitely a dessert.

Speaker 53 It's a dessert flavour.

Speaker 31 I'd like to hear about this.

Speaker 178 I'd ask questions about it.

Speaker 40 I'd be very intrigued.

Speaker 120 I'd maybe even want to try some ice cream flavour at Monster Munch. I have no interest in ever eating a bowl of stale Watsons, especially not for dessert.

Speaker 37 If I had a meal and the end dessert, someone bought out stale Watsons.

Speaker 53 It would be the worst meal I'd ever had.

Speaker 144 It certainly wouldn't be my dream meal.

Speaker 212 So what's in your pick and mix?

Speaker 227 Fried eggs.

Speaker 79 Fried eggs, definitely.

Speaker 59 I love anything sort of strawberry-ish. I love laces.
I love the big snakes.

Speaker 61 Schnakes?

Speaker 4 Schnape, a chicken.

Speaker 94 Why does that make me honest?

Speaker 59 I love the pink bottles that have the white foamy on the bottom.

Speaker 51 Oh, I'm not.

Speaker 73 No?

Speaker 29 Yeah, we're getting into territory I don't enjoy now. Okay.

Speaker 113 If you say white chocolate mice, I think we've pretty much parted company.

Speaker 59 I would prefer a white chocolate snazzle.

Speaker 79 Is that what they're called? Razzle?

Speaker 151 Razzle. I know what you mean.
The little discs that are hundreds of thousands of miles.

Speaker 59 If I was going into chocolate territory, I'd rather have the razzles.

Speaker 79 Snazzles? What are they called?

Speaker 40 call razzles

Speaker 192 i don't know what schnaz

Speaker 124 like a fresh basically lies a minelli now yeah

Speaker 142 fresh

Speaker 59 or whatever i like i fear the chocolate ones in pick and mix yeah i'll only take a few just every now and again you just need a slight different change of pace so a little white chocolate thing would come in i do like a pink chocolate piggy sometimes

Speaker 59 piggies oh you never no you haven't been to the right pick and mix they're pretty common now.

Speaker 212 Like little pig heads.

Speaker 150 Pink pigheads. Well, I love a pighead.

Speaker 89 We've established it.

Speaker 76 Your girlfriend's just in the warworks of the

Speaker 101 mouth.

Speaker 61 Opens the bag.

Speaker 136 Oh, God.

Speaker 153 With that little plate, just get them out.

Speaker 203 Your mum pops up the pick a mix.

Speaker 128 Gotcha.

Speaker 61 She's always

Speaker 68 in the mortar board.

Speaker 103 Also in the mortar board.

Speaker 89 It just pops out, literally pops her head out of the pile.

Speaker 158 Gotcha!

Speaker 212 Kind of the beadles about of like cookery.

Speaker 150 Graduation and cookery.

Speaker 59 I also had this other thought where, because I was thinking dream restaurant, I was trying to think of like perfect meal, but also dream restaurant.

Speaker 59 Do you remember in Willy Wonka when he eats the cup, he eats the teacup? Yes. I was wondering if you could, like, if I could get hold of that, just to know what that taste was like.

Speaker 59 So maybe if that was aside my pick-a-mix, because because pick a mix would be my ideal, like my death row kind of thing.

Speaker 59 But if it's dream, that's something I can't get hold of, it'd be Willie Wonka's little teacup. Does he drink? He drinks from the chocolate river and then he drinks and then he bites off the side.

Speaker 59 And I always just was so interested. If

Speaker 79 what it possibly would be that grumbly

Speaker 45 really want that chocolate river teacup, yeah, I was thinking about the chocolate river teacup.

Speaker 130 That's amazing.

Speaker 59 Burst into week wonk

Speaker 94 and

Speaker 142 walk out of the room.

Speaker 168 Do it over the table.

Speaker 150 Thank you.

Speaker 45 I just needed you to say my name.

Speaker 113 Do you want chocolate river in the cup or just the cup?

Speaker 79 Yeah, I'll have a bit of chocolate river because

Speaker 59 that's the whole experience, really, isn't it?

Speaker 212 Yeah, a bit of chocolate river.

Speaker 50 Pre-gloop falling in.

Speaker 79 Pre-gloop.

Speaker 78 I'd have a bit of gloop in there, actually.

Speaker 150 Yeah. Fair enough.

Speaker 229 Yeah, why not if it's good?

Speaker 168 Okay.

Speaker 76 Let me taste the boy.

Speaker 146 This new character you've established over the course of the day.

Speaker 231 Give me a glass of champagne.

Speaker 192 I'd like me to taste a bar.

Speaker 98 Bring on the glue.

Speaker 14 Is there like foam bananas, foam prawns?

Speaker 153 Yeah, I have a few.

Speaker 13 Is that a few top manager?

Speaker 59 I'd have a few, but I'm not huge on the prawns. They sometimes give me a bit of a headache, the shrimpy things.

Speaker 59 I would prefer more jelly-ish. I love it when you get like a wine gum, but they're like the old ones that would say like the actual thing, or they say like burgundy on them or porch.

Speaker 79 Yeah.

Speaker 59 And they, if you sort of like bend them, then you can see the top crack.

Speaker 78 Do you know what I mean? Like when they're old and nice.

Speaker 50 Cracking, cracky and puffy.

Speaker 192 Cracking a puffy.

Speaker 150 Cracky and puffy.

Speaker 79 Cracky and puffy. I'll take my...

Speaker 214 Oh, I love the bobbly, red and black disc thingy, you know, the little, what are they called?

Speaker 59 The red and black, bobbly things. The berries, yeah, the berries, the berries.

Speaker 214 I love, only a few of them had them.

Speaker 59 Woolworths used to have them, but I haven't seen them since. It's the flat, smiley faces.

Speaker 240 You're getting green, orange, yellow. Night.

Speaker 214 Pretty much that.

Speaker 59 I love the

Speaker 59 spider.

Speaker 59 Sometimes they're octopuses or a spider and the bum will be jelly inside of it. Do you know what I mean?

Speaker 124 You're making them up now.

Speaker 47 You're just making them up because we're not stopping you and you're going, well, I need to come up with some more.

Speaker 124 The spider with the bum is jelly.

Speaker 94 The bum is jelly.

Speaker 141 There'll be people who will know what I mean.

Speaker 59 The bum will be like slightly raised or the octopus will be slightly raised and it will have like more goopy stuff in it. Uh-huh.

Speaker 214 I like that.

Speaker 79 Cola bottles?

Speaker 141 Yeah, I will have one for the sake of it being a classic, but I'm not huge on

Speaker 150 them.

Speaker 35 The sour colour bottles.

Speaker 68 I like it.

Speaker 136 The pink and pink and blue ones. Not really.

Speaker 94 Oh my gosh.

Speaker 3 I really like the traditional cola bottles.

Speaker 40 Hey, does anyone else do this?

Speaker 147 I bite the lid, like the top off, and pretend to drink.

Speaker 76 Pretend to drink the cola.

Speaker 77 I was with you until the drinking came.

Speaker 94 Yeah, yeah.

Speaker 46 I always do that.

Speaker 3 Every time I have one, bite the top off and go, glig, glig, glug, glig, glug.

Speaker 45 No?

Speaker 46 No?

Speaker 152 You guys are missing out on a load of fun.

Speaker 59 Do you like the cherry-cola bottles?

Speaker 89 Yeah, I like them. Yeah, they're good.

Speaker 108 Yeah, they were the best.

Speaker 40 At

Speaker 115 Paul's Corner Shop, around the corner from where I grew up in Kepton, that would be my go-to.

Speaker 122 We get Cherry Cola, the giant Cherry Cola bottles.

Speaker 89 Yeah. Very excited about those.

Speaker 94 Yes.

Speaker 37 And they never counted the sweets in it.

Speaker 4 So

Speaker 115 let's just say I did all right.

Speaker 59 Is the business still going?

Speaker 89 Yeah, it is. Yeah.

Speaker 72 And feel quite...

Speaker 186 I mean, anytime I go back to Ketron, if I ever go in that shop, just feel weird.

Speaker 60 Yeah.

Speaker 72 Feels like, oh, I'm a little kid again. Yeah.

Speaker 112 And I went in there to buy...

Speaker 75 Yeah, me and my friends were going to my mate's house, went in there to get some beer beforehand, and it felt very weird buying alcohol at Paul's corner shop.

Speaker 39 Yeah, I thought I was going to get ID'd.

Speaker 94 I was like, here we go.

Speaker 27 Is it this?

Speaker 14 Is it still Paul who works there?

Speaker 75 Yeah, but they've, well, I don't know.

Speaker 72 I think maybe it's his family still, but like, they've uh, yeah, it still pretty much looks the same.

Speaker 212 Did you get like those like 20p like ice poles and stuff in there as well, or those like weird little plastic tubes that were just filled with blue?

Speaker 69 Yeah, yeah, yeah. Get those on the way back from school.

Speaker 206 Yeah, and solero shots, yeah,

Speaker 30 we never spoke about them on the pot, they were fucking great.

Speaker 59 They are so, so good. And like, genuinely quench your thirst.
Yeah.

Speaker 82 Genuinely.

Speaker 59 And the Spider-Man isolated.

Speaker 242 Do you remember them? The pink ones?

Speaker 129 Do you remember them?

Speaker 119 No, no.

Speaker 117 Made it up with spiders again.

Speaker 68 It's going jelly in the ass.

Speaker 136 You're going to smash the scene.

Speaker 154 The spiders, what are you?

Speaker 142 The spiders were there and the octopuses were there.

Speaker 154 A candy man was appearing.

Speaker 53 Your dream dessert.

Speaker 89 Black holgato.

Speaker 40 Black holgato.

Speaker 179 Same problem though, Ed.

Speaker 72 Yeah, sorry.

Speaker 75 I think you wouldn't be able to even pick it up.

Speaker 90 Oh, interesting.

Speaker 101 Yeah.

Speaker 180 I like dark chocolate.

Speaker 180 And I don't like dessert too much, actually.

Speaker 217 I don't like sweet

Speaker 180 so much, but I like dark chocolate.

Speaker 81 How dark are we talking?

Speaker 133 Very dark.

Speaker 116 100%

Speaker 217 dark. Not quite.

Speaker 180 No, I go for about 80. Nice.

Speaker 43 Dark matter.

Speaker 180 Dark matter. Yes.
Yeah. We don't know if that exists.
We suspect it does.

Speaker 180 The Large Hadron Collider just switched on actually again.

Speaker 180 And it's now looking for dark matter. Really seriously trying to, because we thought we'd have discovered it.

Speaker 180 Dark matter is something that we think is out there in the universe because we see its gravitational effects.

Speaker 180 And so we're pretty convinced there's something out there, which is a kind of particle, a subatomic particle that we haven't yet discovered.

Speaker 180 And we thought LHC at CERN would discover it, but it hasn't done. But we're switching on again with much more capability.
So that's one of the things at the top of the list.

Speaker 26 Do you ever worry?

Speaker 81 There's some things you just shouldn't go looking for.

Speaker 130 Because you'll wake wake something up and it'll be evil.

Speaker 48 Dark matter seems to me, leave that stuff well alone.

Speaker 217 Yeah.

Speaker 180 No, but if it hadn't been there, assuming it's there, so we're pretty sure it is, assuming it's there, then it played a central role in the formation of galaxies and the other universe. Yeah.

Speaker 180 So we wouldn't exist.

Speaker 46 Yeah, but it doesn't want to be found.

Speaker 48 You can't find it.

Speaker 180 Well, it's just a particle, though, so it doesn't

Speaker 127 have once.

Speaker 81 It feels like it's going to be a venom situation.

Speaker 115 Yeah. And addressing Ed's original question of what if it is evil.

Speaker 180 Well, it's like saying, what if a grain of sand is evil.

Speaker 40 Good point.

Speaker 40 Well,

Speaker 46 answer that then. It's not.

Speaker 180 It's a grain of sand. It's got no consciousness, no nothing.
It's just a

Speaker 180 grain of sand. So dark matter would be like very small grains of sand.
So there's no possibility at all that it could be evil.

Speaker 43 So we can rule that out.

Speaker 72 What if you're in a lab?

Speaker 148 Right.

Speaker 120 And one of the scientists is looking in the microscope at some sands that you've got from the beach.

Speaker 179 And they look up and their face face is ashen white and you're like everything okay and they went brian this sand is not like any sand i've seen in my life before and you say what are you talking about i say this is there is evil in this sand it is evil and they say that to you yeah what's next step

Speaker 84 Yeah,

Speaker 84 throw them out.

Speaker 89 Fair enough.

Speaker 180 And every scientific society they're a member of, just throw them out.

Speaker 72 Yeah.

Speaker 35 Yeah. But then we know from films, they're the ones that are right.

Speaker 33 Yeah.

Speaker 20 And everyone else might say that.

Speaker 43 Oh, yeah, Jeff Goldblum was.

Speaker 72 Jeff Goldblum, yeah. Life finds away.

Speaker 115 Do you agree with that?

Speaker 217 Yeah, I do agree with that.

Speaker 172 Yeah. Actually.

Speaker 180 Well, interestingly, so well, Mars is a good a good question because we we think that life may have begun on Mars three and a half billion years ago because the conditions were right.

Speaker 180 And we're pretty certain that it it probably isn't there today. We're pretty certain it wouldn't be.
We tend to look for signs that life existed.

Speaker 180 But it's interesting that we do think there may be water subsurface. And if there is, then that life finds a way.
You know, it does seem that if life can survive, then it will.

Speaker 180 That does seem to be the case.

Speaker 45 So maybe, maybe.

Speaker 180 I go with life finds a way.

Speaker 180 That's not... anything to do with sand being evil though, is it? Because

Speaker 180 sand isn't alive because it's it's sand okay so evil is like it's a thought it's a force isn't it that's just like gravity is it's a property of living things isn't it a property of consciousness spirit

Speaker 40 no

Speaker 130 i'm i'm vice versa yeah no i'm either way on this yeah i see your point

Speaker 48 i see i see james

Speaker 89 well how come it's me versus brian though i'm back up yes i did your thing but he hasn't got a point for a laugh what no i'm saying what if because dark matter clearly doesn't want to be found so what if we are you worried?

Speaker 217 What does it want?

Speaker 180 Are you objecting to the use of the term want?

Speaker 47 But have you have we found it?

Speaker 180 Well, that's not because it doesn't want to be found, is it? Because it can't want.

Speaker 217 But what is it?

Speaker 31 It's a basic...

Speaker 180 It's just a subatomic particle. So subatomic particles don't want anything.

Speaker 130 Yeah, they don't want to be found.

Speaker 82 No, they don't.

Speaker 180 There's no such concept as want, is it? It's just a. It's a basic building block of matter.

Speaker 81 What if you touch it and it goes all the way up your arm and then you're evil?

Speaker 104 Because of your arm and now you're evil.

Speaker 172 Well, it wouldn't do that.

Speaker 34 How do you know? You've not found it.

Speaker 180 No, because it's a subatomic.

Speaker 187 What if you find it and it is evil and then you've unleashed that on the world?

Speaker 180 See, let's just go. Let's just think about a grain of sand because it's easier to visualize, which is a lot of subatomic particles, right?

Speaker 180 So in principle, a grain of sand has got more possibilities open to it than just a single subatomic particle.

Speaker 187 So they're more likely to be evil than the dark matter.

Speaker 180 No, even then,

Speaker 180 go and get a grain of sand and have a a look at it and see if you think it's got sufficient complexity to um well to be to be as intelligent as you uh-huh but what if they were all loads of sand not just one grain yeah loads of sand yeah also the the i i'm gonna just this just tiptoe back a little bit uh i've never uh heard the phrase as intelligent as you said with such stank

Speaker 45 you put a real spin on that when you put it

Speaker 180 as intelligent as you yeah fair enough i thought someone would pick it up.

Speaker 97 You're comedians.

Speaker 94 It's an open net, isn't it?

Speaker 97 And

Speaker 31 you didn't go through it.

Speaker 35 I'm just worried about the sound, in all honesty.

Speaker 72 It is quite worried.

Speaker 180 It's a good question. So you could ask, so look at a human brain.

Speaker 180 So that's a collection of, remarkably a collection of atoms and molecules that can think. So you could ask.

Speaker 180 How complex does something have to be to have that property? I mean, as I said,

Speaker 180 it's a reasonable assumption that nowhere else in the Milky Way galaxy are there collections of atoms that can think, because it's a big ask.

Speaker 180 It's astonishing. But all these things that you're talking about,

Speaker 180 so evil or love or fear or science or music and art, all those things are things that emerge from these remarkable collections of atoms.

Speaker 180 So you could ask the question,

Speaker 180 how much stuff do you need and how complex does it have to interact together to produce those what we call emergent properties? The answer is we don't know. It's one of the great questions.

Speaker 180 So it's not an entirely stupid question to say if grains of sand could interact with each other and you could build them into some enormous structure that could process information,

Speaker 94 then

Speaker 180 would it become...

Speaker 180 Yeah, there is a

Speaker 48 sand mantle.

Speaker 180 Yeah, I think that's a scientifically inaccurate answer.

Speaker 89 Yeah.

Speaker 180 I think someone should have said something. I was a consultant on a science fiction film once with Danny Boyle.

Speaker 180 Going back to danny boyle and the beatles film so he created a film called sunshine yes i love sunshine well the direct the commentary

Speaker 180 the audio commentary on the sunshine dvd is me is it yeah and that was years ago

Speaker 180 i haven't listened to it see so you never listen to those comedy i did the commentary and then danny did a commentary and so and that was before i'd been on telly or anything it was actually it was the first thing i'd done so uh horizon which is one of the old you know on vbc two it was years ago so it was the first one i'd done and they saw it danny saw it and thought, you know, he looks a bit like this character that I've got in Sunshine, which is the Killian Murphy character.

Speaker 180 How he envisaged him to be. So they got in touch and said, do you want to come and whatever?

Speaker 119 That's so cool.

Speaker 180 And so I did work on the film and I did the commentary. It's a great film.
I think it's an underrated masterpiece.

Speaker 109 It is. It is underrated.

Speaker 104 I think just because it's like at the end, it changes genre.

Speaker 72 And always people...

Speaker 72 People find that difficult in films.

Speaker 104 Yeah. But it's great.

Speaker 180 Well, Alex Garland wrote it. He wrote 28 Days Later.
Yeah.

Speaker 115 So those great films. Directed his own brilliant films as well.
Did Ex Mackina?

Speaker 180 Ex Mackina's fantastic film, isn't it? Fantastic.

Speaker 75 Here we go. Now we're all on the same page.

Speaker 35 We've changed genre, right? The end of the podcast.

Speaker 75 We've changed genre at the end of the podcast.

Speaker 109 It's a film podcast.

Speaker 136 I want to get to the bottom of this dessert, though.

Speaker 72 Dark chocolate.

Speaker 47 Dark chocolate.

Speaker 48 How would you like this dark chocolate presented? And also, don't feel like you have to have a dessert.

Speaker 72 If you don't want anything sweet for dessert, there's always other options.

Speaker 188 I also like

Speaker 180 cheese on toast for dessert.

Speaker 119 Oh, what the fuck?

Speaker 30 That happens.

Speaker 180 Do you want in certain restaurants?

Speaker 89 A rare bit. A nice rare bit.

Speaker 31 Yeah, yeah.

Speaker 1 St.

Speaker 48 John, a fantastic restaurant, has a wonderful rare bit on the dessert menu.

Speaker 217 Yeah, and I like that.

Speaker 180 I often go that way, actually, because I don't like sweet things. Yeah.
So I often go for the rare bit.

Speaker 81 Well, this is the dream restaurant.

Speaker 130 If you want to have a lovely bit of rare bit.

Speaker 180 Rare bit with, yeah, buster sauce in it.

Speaker 35 Yeah, lovely.

Speaker 94 Uh-oh.

Speaker 46 What? Is he.

Speaker 35 James is our resident dessert head.

Speaker 48 And he doesn't like it when people pick something savoury for dessert.

Speaker 126 Ow.

Speaker 50 After all that chat

Speaker 89 about what is and isn't evil,

Speaker 53 let me tell you, Brian Cox, a savory dessert,

Speaker 178 scientifically

Speaker 98 evil.

Speaker 157 And anyone who orders one falls into that category as well.

Speaker 45 You and that rare bit

Speaker 158 may as well have been touched by the venom that you don't want to find in space

Speaker 180 the rare bit can't be evil. We've gone through this.
Yeah.

Speaker 180 It's not sentient.

Speaker 217 No one

Speaker 180 thinks that rare bit is sentient. You can't have a conversation with cheese on toast.

Speaker 34 Sometimes it feels like the cheese is so mature, it's having a chat with you.

Speaker 97 What?

Speaker 75 Don't even joke.

Speaker 43 This is someone just ordered cheese on toast as a dessert.

Speaker 184 I think it's amazing.

Speaker 114 No one's ever ordered cheese on toast.

Speaker 48 This is perfect. I love this.

Speaker 89 Sat here.

Speaker 94 Listen.

Speaker 37 Can we we have sat here and we have indulged this man

Speaker 31 in every crackpot theory he's been throwing

Speaker 97 i've drawn a line

Speaker 30 and cheese on toast for dessert i have grinned and bared it through every single thing he's gone on about none of it made any fucking sense

Speaker 115 i do not let this go

Speaker 180 What happens if we go sweet for the starter then?

Speaker 180 I mean, is that...

Speaker 46 What we're making that salmon swim through sugar now?

Speaker 30 That salmon's gone through enough.

Speaker 180 Is that even worse?

Speaker 72 I'd feel better about that if the starters are.

Speaker 43 We're changing the starter again.

Speaker 180 No, no, no, no.

Speaker 180 Let's go.

Speaker 45 Stick to your guns, Brian.

Speaker 37 You know? I tell you what.

Speaker 40 I tell you what, Brian.

Speaker 157 There's one of your courses that should be shut on.

Speaker 30 And I can't stress enough.

Speaker 16 Brian was never shitting onto the potatoes.

Speaker 128 I'm not sure what I'm doing over this.

Speaker 48 You're going to fertilise it, are you?

Speaker 145 You're not going to fertilise it.

Speaker 116 I hope you like it fertilised.

Speaker 180 What's the other one with the dates with the bacon wrapped around it? What's that?

Speaker 180 Devil's on horseback. Yeah.
He was on horseback. Evil.

Speaker 94 Evil.

Speaker 43 The clue to the name, Brian. The devil's there.

Speaker 34 Well, that section was about winding you up, James, but I think we wound up Professor Brian Cox there.

Speaker 13 The best, best moment ever.

Speaker 186 I love winding up that professor.

Speaker 54 And we know our stuff.

Speaker 34 What he doesn't know is that we hustled him.

Speaker 39 We hustled that guy because we know it's already a foregone conclusion that sand and dark matter are evil.

Speaker 91 Evil.

Speaker 40 We already know that.

Speaker 46 But what aren't evil is poppadoms.

Speaker 37 Oh, love poppa doms.

Speaker 69 Usually we start the meal with pop-a-doms, but we're ending part one of our roundup with the craze that's sweeping the nation.

Speaker 151 Just promise me one thing.

Speaker 50 Don't make dirty.

Speaker 6 This is Siobhan McSweeney and Tim Key.

Speaker 94 Yeah, it's the factory speaker.

Speaker 101 Pop a dumbs on bread.

Speaker 158 Pop-doms off bread, Siobhan McSweeney.

Speaker 134 Pop-adoms on bread.

Speaker 243 Is that how you treat your soda stream?

Speaker 68 Beginning to see what the problem is here.

Speaker 30 Screaming at his soda scream.

Speaker 96 You're the first person I've made jump in ages with that.

Speaker 158 In ages. You shouldn't be proud of that.

Speaker 187 Yeah, well, it used to be in the early days they'd jump every single time.

Speaker 95 Yeah.

Speaker 86 And now people are always ready for it because they've had a little list beforehand.

Speaker 43 But then I was like, oh, this is the perfect time to do it.

Speaker 3 Because we were talking to each other.

Speaker 95 Yeah, you think we've teed up something else.

Speaker 72 I had the soda scream.

Speaker 193 Yeah, I got rid of the soda scream.

Speaker 136 Very good.

Speaker 225 I would like both, both, please.

Speaker 46 Woo!

Speaker 43 Yeah, if possible.

Speaker 105 I would like both, and I would like the pop-a-doms to continue throughout the meal, even with dessert.

Speaker 47 Lovely.

Speaker 124 Yeah. Okay, great.

Speaker 47 I've been very interested to see what this is.

Speaker 162 We learned lately that that's not

Speaker 109 actually the right way to do it.

Speaker 218 We were told.

Speaker 110 Well, I agree, but how do other people know this?

Speaker 109 Asma Khan, who she's got a proper restaurant and everything.

Speaker 72 She knows what she's doing. Yeah.

Speaker 75 She told us pop-a-doms are meant to be at the end of the meal, just before dessert.

Speaker 42 Oh, yeah, that's better.

Speaker 46 just, so you're more authentic.

Speaker 94 You've got in the authenticity.

Speaker 209 Yeah, well, I, but I want it throughout the whole thing.

Speaker 105 I don't want to wait till just before.

Speaker 60 Right, okay.

Speaker 81 So, do you want a big pile of pop-a-doms to sort of snack on throughout the meal, or as this is the dream restaurant, we can do this for you? Do you want an absolutely massive pop-a-dom?

Speaker 94 Oh, my God.

Speaker 81 That you can just sort of work your way into the middle.

Speaker 105 Could I have, like, do you know, like, an arch installation, they'd have a cube?

Speaker 31 Could I have

Speaker 147 a drink?

Speaker 153 no but you know like could i have a room made out of popadom yes and could i because it's magic not

Speaker 105 make dirty the popadom

Speaker 105 when i run through it yeah but i have enough structural integrity that when i run through it you know like a cartoon

Speaker 105 and you can sort of see the shape outline of you yeah so i would do that be able to see that yeah then there will be a basket of course

Speaker 68 And I would pick up the shards of Popadom and take it away.

Speaker 250 So I'd work for it in a way. I'd harvest.

Speaker 48 Are you eating in the...

Speaker 45 Is this where the restaurant is?

Speaker 81 Are you in a big cube pop-adom?

Speaker 250 Well, no, because how, what about, I'm very into lighting, and I don't think you could,

Speaker 250 the structural integrity for light fittings and stuff. No, that's, that's silly.

Speaker 26 So it's separately a cube poppadom, and you run through it and pick up the shards.

Speaker 72 But also, when you run through it, not make dirty.

Speaker 40 Yeah.

Speaker 94 Not make dirty, so I can delete it.

Speaker 105 But also, if I stood in the cube,

Speaker 105 I could just sort of like fling myself,

Speaker 105 fling myself around the room and sort of feel it crash all around me.

Speaker 31 Yeah.

Speaker 105 But also not make dirty with my feet or anything.

Speaker 181 Yeah, but in that fantasy, you're not going to allow for light fittings.

Speaker 250 No, no, because Papa Doms can't, you're not thinking this through. Pop-a-doms can't hold up a lampshade.

Speaker 186 No, but they also can't withstand someone throwing themselves around it and not making dirty at the same time.

Speaker 110 What are your limitations as a genie?

Speaker 250 I didn't sign up to this.

Speaker 46 You'll be interested to hear that we've never crossed this bridge.

Speaker 144 But this is what I'm saying.

Speaker 72 I could absolutely give you a big cube pop-adom that you can jump around and not make dirty. Yeah.

Speaker 163 But also, I can put light fittings in that.

Speaker 48 Or you can, look, they're fairly translucent pop-adoms.

Speaker 35 You could put the lights outside the poppadom and you'd get a sort of lovely glow.

Speaker 100 I think I'd like that.

Speaker 105 That feels a little bit more special. And I think it would be quite a special moment.

Speaker 105 I'd like to be nicely lit.

Speaker 133 Lovely.

Speaker 67 I mean so is that your bread that you want?

Speaker 6 Is it the key management?

Speaker 46 Nope, I'm taking poppadoms. Okay.

Speaker 10 Because actually.

Speaker 41 So James was right immediately.

Speaker 150 James was right.

Speaker 46 I actually love the...

Speaker 102 Look, it's a process, isn't it?

Speaker 240 And

Speaker 226 it's a performance, you know.

Speaker 1 That whole, can we get some pop-a-doms?

Speaker 37 And then those dips come.

Speaker 240 And, you know, some twerp in your party, karate chops the pop-a-doms.

Speaker 32 Can I just say, you say twerp.

Speaker 34 Yeah, I can totally imagine you being that person.

Speaker 40 It's you every time.

Speaker 1 It must be you every time.

Speaker 94 Leaning over with that look.

Speaker 153 When you go, you glaze over and you turn into a chimp.

Speaker 55 You do.

Speaker 81 You turn into a mischievous chimp and you do things like smash the pop-a-doms. You love that.

Speaker 69 Or you lean over and you look at us all cheekily and you say schlybey mother and then you chop it.

Speaker 33 No.

Speaker 94 You've done that before. No.
No, no, no. No, and I'll tell you.
No, no, no.

Speaker 173 And I'll tell you why, because I don't chop it. I slap it.

Speaker 72 Okay.

Speaker 72 You don't chop, you slap.

Speaker 48 I slap. Slap's better than the chop.

Speaker 240 Well, I think the slap's more spectacular because, I mean, it is carnage.

Speaker 240 No one can get any, no one can find a shard after that that's large enough to actually go into a dip and come out alive.

Speaker 109 And the reason people are chopping it is because it's a bit more courteous.

Speaker 162 It's the thin side of your hand.

Speaker 50 You're going full palm, you're slapping the whole thing.

Speaker 10 You can click the palm and then palm straight down on the poppadom.

Speaker 46 Shalomy, mother.

Speaker 14 Yeah, sparkling water and poppadom, yeah.

Speaker 133 Yeah.

Speaker 48 That's chaos key coming in there.

Speaker 94 Yeah.

Speaker 72 You could also, you could dip a shard or or two of poppadom in there, couldn't you?

Speaker 184 I don't think I want to.

Speaker 240 I don't think I want those two things to...

Speaker 146 I don't want to cross the streams. That's it.

Speaker 240 I don't want to cross the streams.

Speaker 94 That's exactly the phrase I was looking for.

Speaker 184 I don't want to cross the streams.

Speaker 108 Right, okay.

Speaker 186 But you don't think you'd be tempted?

Speaker 184 I wouldn't even be tempted to...

Speaker 226 Would I be tempted to dunk poppadoms in a cheese?

Speaker 72 Just to see what it was like.

Speaker 46 I think that'd be great.

Speaker 48 Do you think so? Right, here we go.

Speaker 81 Spicy Poppadom dunked in camembert with a little bit of mango chutney on the top.

Speaker 72 I think that would be absolutely incredible.

Speaker 251 You know more about food than me.

Speaker 240 I wouldn't even know where to start with that. That's insane.

Speaker 48 It's just cheese and crackers with chutney, then?

Speaker 184 I think you might have to have a reinforced poppad on because I think, you know, what you're trying to pick up here, it's not child's play, the camembert.

Speaker 184 It's like, depending on how late into the proceedings it is,

Speaker 226 when it first comes out of the oven, when you've first cracked the white, you know, sort of soft shell of the exterior with the cracked black pepper and the olive oil,

Speaker 184 once you've cracked that.

Speaker 172 And how are you cracking that?

Speaker 42 Palms flat?

Speaker 68 I think i'd have to go chop

Speaker 226 i'd have to i'd have to go chop for that that would be too much carnage shall i be mother and then straighten palms straight i did i did a shall i be mother to alex horn once and um i must say um it was in edinburgh and his parents were there and i did a shall i be mother and it was with a pie and actually

Speaker 226 there was a slight element of people looking at horn as if to say he probably shouldn't be mother

Speaker 240 but i think if you're ordering a pie and no i don't know whether i agree with this now I I was gonna say if you're ordering a pie, you're sort of slightly taking your life into your own hands.

Speaker 251 But actually, you should be allowed to have a pie.

Speaker 148 Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

Speaker 128 Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Speaker 94 That's not on them.

Speaker 14 So when you say you did it to a pie, you did shall I be mother and slap the pie? Yeah.

Speaker 215 Yeah.

Speaker 165 But I don't think I think

Speaker 153 there's a couple of things here.

Speaker 184 I think you're trying to get get into the get into the you know the community, the idea that I have a catched phrase which is shall I be mother?

Speaker 48 Oh, don't you worry, that's already that's that's done now.

Speaker 128 Yeah, that's done. That's crystallized.

Speaker 117 There will be people across the country having Indian meals, saying, Shall I be mother?

Speaker 30 and then slapping the popcorn.

Speaker 40 That's happening, is it?

Speaker 162 Yeah. Then explain it.

Speaker 94 Is that the power of this podcast?

Speaker 82 That is the power of this podcast.

Speaker 46 Shall I be mother is now part of the public content?

Speaker 226 I mean, the irony is, I'm going to start doing that, and I've never done that before.

Speaker 106 Yeah.

Speaker 41 Not with the catchphrase.

Speaker 46 I think you have.

Speaker 217 I think you definitely have to.

Speaker 237 Not with the catchphrase.

Speaker 94 I think I've remembered you do it. Shall I be mother?

Speaker 1 Well, there we go. Shall I be mother?

Speaker 9 The craze that's sweeping the nation, James.

Speaker 49 Yeah, and hey, keep on doing it throughout Christmas and New Year, everyone.

Speaker 6 Part two, of course, will be out tomorrow.

Speaker 44 Tomorrow, that's the day after today.

Speaker 84 Well done.

Speaker 66 Thank you.

Speaker 158 Any last words, Richard?

Speaker 96 Anything you want to say to all the orange juice heads out there?

Speaker 46 Squeeze on, baby.

Speaker 46 Squeeze me till my pips squeak.

Speaker 17 Popsicles, sprinklers, a cool breeze.

Speaker 18 Talk about refreshing.

Speaker 19 You know what else is refreshing this summer?

Speaker 20 A brand new phone with Verizon.

Speaker 21 Yep, get a new phone on any plan with Select Phone Trade In MyPlan. And lock down a low price for three years on any plan with MyPlan.

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Speaker 17 Three-year price guarantee applies to then current-based monthly rate only.

Speaker 23 Additional terms and conditions apply for all offers.

Speaker 166 Hello, I'm Carrie Ad. I'm Sarah.

Speaker 77 And we are the Weirdos Book Club Podcast.

Speaker 59 We are doing a very special live show as part of the London Podcast Festival.

Speaker 166 The date is Thursday, 11th of September. The time is 7pm.
And our special guest is the brilliant Alan Davies. Tickets from kingsplace.co.uk.

Speaker 77 Single ladies is coming to London. True on Saturday, the 13th of September.

Speaker 150 At the London Podcast Festival.

Speaker 77 The rumours are true. Saturday, the 13th of September.

Speaker 199 At King's Place. Oh, that sounds like a date to me, Harriet.