Ep 73: Hari Kondabolu

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The percentage of humor is very high.

Welcome to the Off-Menu Podcast.

Hello, Ed Gamble.

Hello, James A.

A Caster.

How are you, mate?

Very well, thank you.

I very much enjoyed that introduction.

I thought it was great.

Thank you so much.

Welcome to the Off-Menu Podcast, where myself and James Acaster ask a very special guest, what, James?

Their favorite ever, starter, main course, dessert, side dish, and drink.

Yes, indeed.

And the special guest this week is the wonderful comedian Hari Kondabolu.

Hari, like I say, is a brilliant comedian.

He's a brilliant writer.

He's got stand-up specials out there.

He also had a documentary recently called The Problem with Apu, James.

A fantastic documentary.

And if he got angry about it, you're an idiot.

Yes, it sort of investigates the cultural issues behind Hankazaria doing Apu's voice in The Simpsons.

Very interesting, very progressive.

Lovely to move forward and discuss these things and move forward in an adult way.

Yes, in an adult grown-up way.

But that's not what we're here to talk about.

We're here to talk about Hari's dream meal.

Very excited to find out.

But, of of course, we will be removing him from the restaurant if he says a secret ingredient.

Absolutely.

It pains me to do so, but if he says a secret ingredient, he is out the door.

And this week's secret ingredients is Bertie Botts Every Flavored Beans.

Bertie Botts Every Flavored Beans.

This was James's suggestion.

I don't know if you need telling.

It could be anyone's suggestion.

Bertie Botts, Every Flavored Beans from, I believe, the Harry Potter series yesterday.

Yeah, but they've been made a reality now, Ed.

They're out there in the real world, like most things from Harry Potter have become real.

And have you had them?

Oh, I've had them, and some of them are nice, but some of them are like earwax flavor or vomit flavor, and the nice ones aren't worth the bad ones, put it that way.

Right, so if Hari suggests Bertie Potts, every flavored beans in his dream meal,

you never know.

Yeah, I suppose you never know.

People might do this.

People might be like, I had the Bertie Pots, every flavored beans.

Yeah.

And actually, I really loved them.

I even love the little earwax ones that make you appreciate the raspberry ones or whatever.

You never know.

Some people might like these things, and then they'll go throw them in at the end.

Yeah, well, we will be kicking about the dream restaurant, which will be awkward because we are recording it in his apartment.

Yeah, so that's gonna be pretty difficult.

Yeah, like on your bike, get out of your own apartment.

We own this place now.

Get down the fire escape.

Oh, it's in New York.

Have we mentioned that yet?

Oh, yeah, we haven't mentioned that we're recording this in New York.

So we probably needed that bit of context for the listener.

Yeah, before I made my fire escape joke.

Yeah, yeah.

The fire escape's on the outside of the building.

It goes all the way down the metal steps.

All the way down the side of the building.

That's pretty good.

Get out of the outside of the building, Harry.

You suck, but the buddy bots every living beats.

I don't want the earwax in my meal.

Right, let's hear the off-menu menu of Harry Carnival.

Welcome, Hari Kondabolu, to the Dream Restaurant.

Welcome, Hari Kondabolu.

We've been expecting you for some time.

Now, what do you think of that sound effect?

I'm assuming you're replacing it in post.

Is there a post?

Oh, no, we don't do anything in post.

That is what goes on the actual video.

Oh, okay.

That wasn't a placeholder.

No way.

The only thing we're going to do in post is we're going to replace what you just said with greater, greater, greater.

sound james uh really liked it i'm assuming you're a waiter genie that must be what

yeah oh a genie who is also a waiter

what a lovely surprise

we'll get you saying that later so we can come back

yeah we will put that in yeah a moose bush what the moose boosh would you like an amused boosh boosh an amused bouche now this hurry is when before we started recording uh i said that james has introduced a new format point without telling me this this is it and every single american guest we've had on has gone what the hell are you talking about oh good yeah yeah don't worry everyone has been confused by it uh you know sometimes you go for a meal and they give you a little thing beforehand an unexpected thing that you don't you've ordered your food and then they're like hey here's another this is from the chef something something yeah that's an amused bouche and just an amused bouche it's not an amused bouche oh really yeah amuse bouche yeah i've been calling them amused bouches

that's what i've been saying amuse bouche why is it just amuse bouche because it's french i thought the bouche is amused.

No, it's amused after you have the amuse bouche, right?

They don't come and hand you an amused mouth.

I thought that was about it.

I thought it was amused.

No, no, no, because the mouth is the thing that's being amused.

The amusing is done by the amuse bouche.

So there's bouche mouth.

Yes.

Amuse.

It's like to excite.

Excite the mouth.

The bouche is accurate then.

There's definitely a bouch involved.

There's a bouche involved, but the tense is wrong.

Oh, God.

Yes, yes.

I've been getting the tense wrong a lot of the time.

That's probably why you were confused.

Oh, that's exactly why I was confused.

You know what an amused bouche is, but not an amused bouche.

So it's just a little snack from the kitchen.

They often say this is from the chef, and then I'm always a bit confused by that.

Right.

Because you think, well, surely all the food's coming from the chef.

Right.

Yeah, yeah.

But this was like specifically like, let them try a little bit of this.

Sure, yeah.

Is it usually because someone, like, they like the person that they're serving it to, or is it just like anybody could get it?

I think anybody could get it, but it feels like it's just for you yeah it always does

it makes the meal feel extra special yeah immediately you've got something you know and what what's the amuse bouche oh yeah it's a giant toblerone whoa

wait so the chef makes their own tobleron oh that'd be good

should have thought that through yeah yeah probably should make their own tobacco yeah yeah yeah yeah would you prefer that Yeah, I mean, if it's coming from the chef, otherwise, I'm just assuming, oh, like, he bought a Tobleron, couldn't finish it, let's give it to the customers.

Yeah, yeah, it looks like it's just bought bought at the airport and then like palmed off on you.

That's the only place it's available, I believe, is at the airport.

Yeah, yeah.

Yeah, the giant ones.

Yeah.

That's too much for an Amuzboo.

Surely, Jack.

That's too much, isn't it?

Do you want to hurry to eat the whole thing?

Well, I thought what what could happen is that we'll just like unwrap it and then put it in front of him and then like we can slot his food choices in between the little triangles

so you can like eat it as you go along.

Yeah.

Presuming all your t your choices are toast, I think that would be.

As long as you're only ordering toast and tacos, okay.

Although what w I mean, would you because obviously there's dark chocolate toe blooms, milk chocolate, white chocolate.

Have you got a favourite of the chocolates?

I always like asking guests this.

It's great.

I like it.

And I think milk chocolate is certainly like I know that's the most childish, but it's the one I like the most.

But I've been eating a lot more dark chocolate because I'm aging.

Yeah, sure.

And you got to, I mean, it makes it less guilt.

It's less guilt.

It's it's more bitter and less sweet, which is consistent with aging.

Yeah.

Oh, yeah.

This measures up.

You got a brand of dark chocolate that you're getting into at the minute?

You got a go-to?

I bet Ed has.

I bet you eat a million pounds.

A million pounds?

As soon as we ask Ed, he'll be here.

There's my dark chocolate.

Well, let me check my cabinet right now.

I'll tell you what I've been eating.

Oh, excellent.

Well, we're in Hari's actual apartment.

We should point out to the guest at home.

He hasn't gone all the way home to check his capital.

No, no, we're going to wait around.

It's called Made Case.

It's from Madagascar, and it's 70%.

So it's still very milky.

70%?

There it is.

And there's a lovely little Lima on the packet there holding

a cocoa

bud?

Pod?

Pod.

Yes.

Bean?

A pod.

Bean?

Beans are in the pod.

One of the saddest things I've ever seen.

Is this a good moment to slip this?

Perfect.

This is where we do all the sad stories.

I saw a video of a bunch of

cacao farmers, and

they were introduced to chocolate for the first time because they had spent their lives with the, you know, growing and sending off this cacao, but they didn't know what it was for.

And they were finally given a piece of chocolate, and all of their brains were, this turns into that?

And it was really happy.

It's nice to see them happy, and then you realize this sucks.

Yeah.

They never got got to enjoy chocolate.

Yeah.

That's like me and podcasts.

Like, I record this all the time.

I've never listened to one.

But no, but it's slightly different in that no one has been preventing you from listening to this.

That's correct.

This has been available to you all the time.

It's free.

It's totally free to download.

Yes.

And in fact, it's the opposite, because if you were to listen to this, I'd imagine your reaction would be, oh, this turns into that.

Yeah, sure.

I wouldn't be impressed by that.

I avoid it for a reason.

How high would you go on the percentage?

I've been known to have 100%.

What?

What?

Yeah.

That's baking chocolate, essentially, isn't it?

Pretty much.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

There's no sugar in it.

That's pretty much it.

No sugar.

All you need is one cube and you just let that melt on the tongue and then all the flavours develop a little bit.

Is there flavor?

Yeah, there's flavour of the cacao pod.

Oh, right.

Do you hallucinate?

Oh, yeah, you go to chocolate space.

Yeah, it's amazing.

Oh, that's pretty exciting, Ed.

I didn't know know you'd done 100% before.

Oh, yeah, I do 100% on the rag.

85 is probably where I hover normally, actually.

And then 100 if it's a big night.

If you're hanging out with Jerry Garcia.

Yeah, sure.

Me and the boys are tripping.

What percentage of you gone up to?

I think I've tried 90, but I don't prefer it.

I think 80s is probably pretty good.

This is pretty low, I think, for dark chocolate.

70, right?

70s, you can eat a bar of 70 and feel fine.

Like if you tried to do that with 100, you'd have a nightmare.

I never have joy eating this chocolate.

I like when you have like garbage chocolate that you find anywhere, right?

Like in any corner shop, it's like,

okay, this is really good.

It reminds me of childhood.

This doesn't remind me of childhood.

And it leaves me feeling like this was almost what I wanted it to be.

Like dark chocolate feels like a failed dream.

It doesn't really, it doesn't give you what you actually wanted.

I think it's pretty sad if someone ate dark chocolate and it reminded them of their childhood.

yeah depending on your childhood

you're raised by mr burns or something

sorry i bring up the simpsons right oh you can bring up the simpsons sorry you could bring up i'm so sorry hi i'm so sorry

i didn't mean james we said we weren't going to bring up i didn't mean to do it

you can bring it i i i still love the simpsons despite i still love it even though no

no fans of chocolate haven't threatened to kill me yes that's true that's that's true that is the and nor did i make a documentary talking about

the institutionalized racism that is in chocolate, though there is much.

Yeah, there is a lot of it.

There's a lot of it.

There's a lot of it.

Post-season 10 Simpsons is sort of like 100% dark chocolate, right?

Yeah, yeah.

What is it's difficult to take in more than one

cube at a time?

But I would argue that it's not healthy for you in this.

No, no.

Imagine if I just made documentaries about things I loved in childhood and I just destroy them one by one.

And the last one's my mom and dad.

dad.

So you would normally start with still sparkling water.

Wow.

Yeah.

Does it matter what the company is?

Ah, well, it's whatever company you want it to be.

Yeah, it's like your dream water at this stage.

Oh, no, do you mean the company, the people you're eating with or the company of water?

That's irrelevant.

But like the

actual company that makes the water.

Oh, we love going this deep.

So if you've got a

favorite company.

Well, I'll tell you, it's not going to be that La Croix, La Croix, La Croix, or however we pronounce it.

Oh, yeah.

I made up La Croix, but like

do you all have that?

We don't, but we had it for the first time on this trip in Catherine Cohen's apartment.

That was the seltzer stuff.

Oh, yeah, the seltzer stuff.

Yeah, it's just seltzer.

Yeah.

I enjoyed it, but then I didn't know that there was like a lot of stuff.

I hadn't heard the hype.

Everybody loves it.

It's like the biggest.

Everyone buys it.

And it's like, it's just

seltzer.

Right.

With lots of different flavors, some of which are really good and some of which are really bad

it's like everything else yeah yeah but it's just the latest thing i would go with rolling rock which is a cheap seltzer brand in america i i would go with that for the sparkling nice lovely

and why that why that one specifically because it's cheap and it's a way to protest this lacroix business lacroix business

in a way that i feel is like you know like the fact i would have the choice of anything in the world and i went for the cheapest possible thing.

Yeah.

That says a lot.

Shows you're a man of the people.

Uh-huh.

Yeah.

Right at the top lets people know who you are.

Right.

I thought

Rolling Rock was a beer.

That was my first thought.

What am I getting confused with there?

I thought we got an absolute legend.

Yeah, an absolute legend.

In the dream restaurant today, offered a choice of water, and then he said beer.

Beer.

Nature's water.

I'm going to quickly Google if I meant white rock seltzer.

At which point.

Yeah, white rock.

Ah, too late.

You're having a beer.

Drink up.

I'm impressed that I knew that Rolling Rock was a beer, though.

Yeah, you're a beer guzzling ledge.

Oh, I guess I am in a way.

I've never had one before.

I mean, I'd expect you.

Ed's got a much better knowledge of American food and drink than I have.

So I'd expect Ed to know that, but I'm quite impressed with myself that I knew that.

You did really well there, man.

Yeah, pretty good, actually.

If I was a listener of this podcast, which we've established, I'm not,

I would think, well done, James, that's really good knowledge.

You know?

Pop-dobs or bread.

Pop-dobs or bread, Harry.

Pop-dobs or bread.

Bread, bread, bread.

Olive bread.

Olive bread?

Yeah.

I'd say, I didn't know that if you said olive bread or bread.

Oh, I love bread.

I love bread.

I think that's good.

Olive bread.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Olive bread's very nice, too, because it feels like you're getting two appetizers in one.

You're getting the olives and the bread.

Oh, you've hacked it.

You've hacked the bread course.

Very good.

Do you want to put some other appetizers in the bread?

Well, the bread also will have, there's going to be some balsamic vinaigrette mixed with oil on the side.

Yeah.

So you can, you know, if you're sick of just the olive bread, you want something different.

Yeah, yeah.

It wants the oil, the vinegar, and the oil and vinegar.

That's very good.

And that was a, James said, do you want anything?

So you've got the olives folded in, but this is the dream restaurant.

If you like nuts, maybe you want to fold in some peanuts as well.

Any other sort of bar snacks you want to put in there?

Yeah.

I would like bacon-covered dates

in the bread.

No, no, separate from the bread.

No, because it's the breadcourse.

So you're going to have to put my focus.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Okay, okay.

But it would give you you a big loaf of break, a massive loaf of bread, which has a pocket of bacon-covered dates in it.

So it can be anything in the bread that I want?

Yeah.

Could Reese's pieces potentially...

I want Reese's pieces in the bread.

Still in the packet?

No.

Come on, man.

Let me just preserve as they worse reaching and get the packet out and eat them.

So you want olives and Reese's pieces in the bread.

Yes.

And bacon-covered dates?

Yes.

Okay, great.

You want to make this bread as big as you like.

Yeah, yeah.

I want bacon-covered dates in the bread.

Yeah.

Which, is that essentially a sandwich?

Yeah, I think so.

Yeah.

But

it's baked within, but we just need to know whether you want it mixed in with the dough and so there's everything spread throughout or baked in like sort of cavities within.

Yes.

Cavities within.

Cavities.

So you've got cavity of bacon covered dates, cavity of Reese's pieces.

Yeah.

Cavity of olives.

Yes.

Yeah,

it's pretty big.

The word cavity really is unappetizing.

Yeah,

it's not a good food word.

I think we've found the ultimate hack for this show now.

Yeah.

You could just put anything in there.

You could just have an entire massive room-sized bit of bread.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

With loads of different meals baked within it.

And then when it comes to the starter, you just go, not for me.

Yeah, yeah.

But isn't that essentially what pie is?

Like, you just, it's all sorts of different meals just baked inside a shell, isn't it?

So, in answer to the question, Popadoms or bread, you've chosen pie.

Yes, correct.

Yes.

I've chosen a huge pie.

I would like pie to begin.

Is that a bread?

It's a pastry.

Yeah, it's a pastry.

It's a

dough-based thing.

Yeah.

I'm sure you could, I mean, you don't need to convince me.

I'm fully on board with this weird triple pie.

Yeah,

I love this.

Also, what kind of bread is it that we're baking all these goods into?

Oh, it's olive bread.

Oh, you mean?

It's white?

Bread?

Oh, let's say it's wheat.

Wheat.

I got to be a little healthy.

Sure, yeah, yeah.

Whole wheat.

Yeah, whole wheat bread with a pocket of bacon-covered dates in it.

Correct.

A pocket of Reese's pieces and a pocket of olives.

Yes, and the bread, that means it has to be very thick.

It has to be like, we're talking like a couple of bricks.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Yeah, a couple of bricks thickness, but warm.

Of course.

So are the Reese's pieces gone in after or before the baking process?

Because they're going to be melted if they're.

After.

It's nice to have a little texture, different textures in your bread.

Yeah, agreed.

I think you want that.

I mean, do you want it like sometimes people make those cakes now where you cut the cake open and in the middle there's like a core of like MMs that just pours out.

Have you seen those?

Geez, no, I haven't.

Yeah, it's like the middle of the cake has been cored out, and they just filled it with MMs and then put a lid back on top of that so that when you cut into the cake, it just

and it all rolls out like that.

That's James's dream and James's dad's dream as well.

Yeah, well, and wait, is it real?

Yeah, yeah, we've lived it.

Me and my dad have lived it together, and it was great.

It was at a child's birthday party, and I'll be lying if I said my dad didn't push kids out the way to get to that.

But yeah, we couldn't believe it.

I think it was full of Skittles, that particular cake, like not even MMs, like Skittles, like proper high sugar, like crazy, mad.

Skittles, really?

Yeah, and like the icing was like fluorescent green to this cake.

The baker wasn't trying to be subtle about it.

Right, right, right.

Like, this is going to be insane.

They were really trying to flag it up early doors.

Also, this is a populist baker.

He's not concerned with the craft at all.

Not at all.

No, no, no.

He wants people to be happy.

All about the gram.

Yeah.

Knowing that there's going to be photos of that, but then everyone's going to eat it and get a little bit too dizzy.

Yeah.

It's not going to be a a pleasant experience eating it.

It's going to be an intense sugar high.

While I've been in New York, I've been watching Zumbo's Just Desserts on Netflix.

I don't know if you've ever seen Zumbo.

I haven't had.

It's an Australian baking competition show.

And

Zumbo is the chef who it's all based around.

And they all talk about Zumbo.

They're like, he's a genius.

He's just a majestic genius of a chef.

He bakes these incredible things.

There's no one else like Zumbo.

And then he appears and he is the most boring man in the universe.

He's no charisma whatsoever.

I would love love to have Zumbo on the show,

but I don't mind jeopardizing it by saying he is a boring moron.

But they bake things like that all the time.

And the episode I was watching, someone baked a chocolate skull cake and it was red velvet.

So when you cut into it, it was all and then it was all blood in the middle and it all poured out.

Yeah.

Do you like that sort of thing?

No.

No, I don't like that.

I don't want my dessert raw.

Yeah.

Bleeding.

You don't want that in the bed?

Do you want a pocket of blood?

No, no.

Pocket full of blood?

Is it actual blood or is it like chocolate syrup?

It must have been like, yeah, it was like raspberry sauce or something, I think.

Red velvet with raspberry sauce in the middle.

Raspberry sauce.

I don't like that.

No, no, no, no, no, no, no.

We can get you real blood.

Yeah.

If that's what you were angling for.

We thought you wanted us to say, no, it's not real.

Well, it would have to be O negative just because I'm O negative.

Okay, yeah.

I'm the universal donor.

For emergencies.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

So we'll get you a bag of your own blood for emergencies.

Is O negative like quite a rare type?

No, I think it's split up.

It's just O negative can only receive O negative, but can donate blood to anybody.

O positive can only can receive from everybody, but they can't really donate to anybody else, but O positive.

Oh, wow.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

So I'm special.

So is your partner O positive?

Yeah.

Yeah.

I brought that up the other day.

It's just like how she just takes and I just give.

And she's like, yeah, it's the reverse from our real lives.

And I'm like, yeah, but in a life or death situation, I'm the one that's more useful.

Sure.

So you're going to have to hope that that's what happens one day.

Right, right.

Because then it will instantly balance out.

Oh, you need my blood, do you?

Is that what?

Oh, I thought I wasn't as useful as you were, but you're bleeding to death, and I happen to have the remedy.

I shouldn't have made this speech so long.

So we come to your starter.

Yeah.

Big leaks now.

You know, that's when I meant to say bacon covered dates.

Am I allowed to have a second course of bacon covered dates?

Oh, you are.

Or you can, I mean, because you've like kind of hacked this and got your potential starter in the bread.

You can have another starter.

You can tell us how much you love bacon-covered dates.

Right.

And then if you want to, you can pick another starter at this point because

you've just hacked the system.

Really have.

Well, then I'm going to say Tom Ka soup.

Oh, yeah.

It's a Thai soup made with coconut milk and a little bit of chicken.

Will it go well with the bread?

No, no, no.

Well, nothing will go well with that bread.

No, no.

No, that bread is an absolute Frankenstein of a mess.

Oh, yes, yeah.

And there's a chance I'll start eating the bread and feel a little sick and stop eating the bread.

And good thing there's a second appetizer to get

in addition to the

bouche or whatever.

Yeah, yeah.

Just good luck placing this soup in between those towel and ridges.

You gotta get there.

Oh, wait a second.

So mighty bouche, does that mean the mighty mouth?

No, it's spelt differently.

Oh, okay.

On a full disclosure, I was going to ask that earlier.

It might be, though.

I don't know what the sort of origins of their name are.

You know, they're pretty wacky guys.

Yeah.

You know, I'm sure they wouldn't mind misspelling a French word for a sort of surreal gag.

How's it spelt in Amuse Bouche?

I think it's B-O-U-C-H-E.

That's what I imagined.

Yeah.

Okay, fair enough.

Any other questions?

Well, I just imagined it O O S H.

Amuse Bouche, you thought the French word was like the mighty bouche.

Yes.

You're the one who suggested this format point.

You didn't know what it was?

Well, I've always heard it and never seen it written down'cause that'cause it's never on the menu'cause it's the surprise.

That's a very good

idea.

All I've ever heard it I just heard it said, I thought it was amused bouche as in mighty bouche.

Amused bouche as in mighty bouch.

Yeah, that's what I've always heard them say.

Never written down.

It's just a surprise.

No one ever writes it down.

I bet no one's ever written it down.

So when people look up to you, like a waiter said,

an amused bouche, and you've heard amused bouche, and you've just been saying, yeah, they do amuse me a lot.

Actually, they're a very good comedy duo.

They're very funny.

Oh, thank you for my toe, right?

So this, so I just want to go back to the bacon covered dates because obviously that was going to be your appetite.

So you're a fan of bacon covered dates.

Very much so.

Is there a place that you go for bacon covered dates to?

Places that are generally overpriced.

Yeah.

That have tapas.

They're usually, it's very good, but you're never full.

And so, but that is usually one of the highlights is the bacon-covered dates.

So, it's not one specific place.

Okay.

Generally, I've eaten those at tapas restaurants.

So, it's like a Spanish thing, right?

I think so.

At least that's the only times I've ever had it, I think.

Now, I'm not sure I've had bacon-covered dates.

I think I've had a bacon-covered prune before.

What?

What, a nursing home?

Where is that available?

But they are called Devils on horseback.

That's the name for a bacon-covered prune, is devils on horseback.

So the prune is the horse and bacon's the devil?

I guess so, yeah.

Because the bacon's on the prune.

So that would make sense, but it is wrapped all the way round a prune.

So you'd have to imagine the devil sort of curled all the way round and

gripping onto his own legs under the horse's undercarriage.

I would imagine dates.

If prunes are horses, dates are stronger than prunes, right?

But

stronger animals than yeah.

So what's the I was thinking what I thought would be more like a donkey.

What?

What a date would?

Yeah.

I think a prune is the donkey of the date.

Well, it's a horse.

We've established that.

Yes, but like I would if I was to imagine which one would be a donkey out of the prune.

Because all I imagine with prunes is obviously old people and dumps.

Yes.

Taking a nice dump.

Yeah, so I'd think that's a shame that more with a donkey than a horse.

So if a prune is a horse, I'd say a date was like

a wolverine or like a rhino.

Rhino's good.

Or like a angry zebra, like a really angry zebra.

Angry zebra on horseback.

Yeah, I'd say like bacon-covered dates, you'd need a different animal.

Okay, so it's still actually, sorry, I got that wrong.

So it's a devil on angry zebra back.

Okay.

That's what you like.

That sounds much more reasonable.

That's what you're into.

Have you ever seen those

zebras that are bred with horses?

So they're half zebra and half horses.

No, it's not very exciting because they kind of look alike anyway.

Yeah, because they're sort of like that.

I think I assumed a zebra was half horse anyway, right?

Right, but they're actually different, but they can actually interbreed.

I was looking because I saw what do you go, a liger, which is a lion and a tiger.

I'm like, well, that's fascinating.

I wonder how it would look with other animals, and they're all very uninteresting.

Oh, this is similar to what was there before, except now you have stripes.

Yeah, because I guess the sort of animals that you can cross-breed are quite similar anyway.

Like, no one's ever going to do a cat and a slug.

Right.

Well,

there's a Dr.

Moreau element, I feel, like, in the air right now.

Yeah.

They're doing all sorts of stuff, like growing ears on rats and shit.

Yeah.

So I don't think that's out of the realm of possibility.

So a cat and a slug.

A slug would have to be the male.

Huh.

I would say.

Do you think?

A male cat would absolutely destroy a female slug.

That's true.

Right.

Cats have got spiked dicks.

Right, there you go.

Wait, so you're saying it would be a female slug and a male slug?

No, it'd have to be a male slug.

Male slug and a female cat.

I'm not suggesting they actually fuck.

I don't think that's how these things work.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

But you're imagining them, like, in bed together.

I think they have to, like, when they cross-breed things, they could just take, you know, take sperm from one and the egg from another and do it in a test tube rather than put them in a room together and put on Barry White.

But it's very romantic of you that you imagine something else.

It wasn't romantic.

He was imagining a male cat fucking as female slug to death.

Well, it's more romantic than taking cells and mixing them together in a lab.

Yeah.

Well, I mean, what, an exploding woman?

That's my problem with ligas and stuff like that.

People are like, there's a liga, or there's like a zebra horse, half zebra, half-horse thing, and you see it, and like you say, it's not very interesting.

But I think, well, the reason why you've lured me in here is because when you said half zebra, half horse, you just made me imagine a zebra and a horse banging.

I'd rather see that.

That'd be more exciting, wouldn't it?

It would be actually.

Imagine seeing a lion and a tiger having sex.

It'd be so scary.

It would be very scary.

Yeah.

Yeah.

The tricky one.

Yeah.

Because I'd imagine they'd be very angry that you disturbed them.

Or potentially embarrassed.

Be angry at each other in a way as well.

Like, I don't.

We're not supposed to be together.

What are we doing?

Yeah, it's sort of a Romeo and Juliet situation going on.

There's a little bit.

It is a little bit.

But I don't know how we've got onto this from dates and bacon, but like.

Do all the podcast episodes go in very bizarre directions?

Yeah.

Oh, good.

Yeah.

Don't worry.

You're not the first.

You won't be the last.

I can only apologize.

So bacon cover dates are in the bread anyway, but you've got this.

Is it spicy, this chicken soup?

Not very spicy, no.

No, no.

I love coconut soup.

Coconut soup.

Very nice, though.

It's obviously very warm, and on a cold day, it's a nice little treat.

It has a little galungal in it, which I don't, it's a weird, I don't exactly know what it is.

No, me neither.

But it's in the soup, and I like it because it sounds amazing.

Galangal.

Yeah, on a glangal.

Never heard it before.

It sounds like

onomatopaic, like someone glugging a soup.

It does sound like a glug, yeah.

Glungal.

Yeah.

I'm sure I'm mispronouncing it, but could it be galangal?

No.

I think it's galungal.

That sounds right.

Sounds like another animal that's like made up of two animals.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

I don't know what two animals that would be.

Yeah, not really.

That's where my improv skills from.

I'm just trying to think.

Absolutely flounder.

Is there a place you've had this soup that's like the best?

There's a place called Titom in Seattle that it's extraordinary.

Great.

First Seattle shout out?

I think it's the first Seattle shout-out we've had.

I love Seattle.

Seattle's my favorite city in the country.

Oh, wow.

Really?

How come?

I started doing comedy there.

It was right out of college.

I went there, and I don't know, some of my best friends are there.

And something about the climate, even though it's always kind of rainy, it fits my personality.

And I like it.

Yeah,

she stood in the rain eating a 90% chocolate bar.

Correct.

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So, your main course now, which is not baked into the bread.

No, we hope.

Unless your Reese's Pieces is your main course.

Oh, we respect that so much, obviously.

This is very tricky.

This is hard.

I've thought about this a lot, but I realized the side dish could potentially be another main course, but smaller.

So, yeah, technically, you can sneak in two main courses yeah that's very good yeah that being said i'm going to choose fool which uh is a dish that started out in uh i believe the middle east the fool that i like is uh eritrean slash ethiopian it's from a restaurant called cafe salaam in seattle uh it's fava beans uh tomato some peppers uh some kind of cheese on top and uh it's eaten with an italian bread i like the particular fool in this restaurant cafe Salaam.

One, well, first of all, the history of fool is fascinating because I mean, people had to travel a great distance and then introduce this to another culture that put its own spin on it.

Italian bread, because Italy was in Ethiopia, right?

They were like colonized Ethiopia, so like the Italian bread.

But this particular restaurant doesn't get Italian bread.

They get French bread from a Cambodian bakery because the French colonized Cambodia.

The amount of death and destruction involved in this incredible meal makes it so much more fulfilling.

So many people had to suffer for me to eat this.

There's something about that.

It's so beautiful.

It's tasting sort of delicious sadness with every bite.

It's like, oh, all of history.

So,

yeah, I love it.

Oh, it's a delicious meal.

It fills you up.

Is it like a stew?

Is it like...

Kind of.

It's like a very thick stew, but you need to use the bread to kind of, you wouldn't use a spoon.

You would use the bread to like scoop up the the fool like a dip kind of like a dip yeah halfway between stew and a dip yes halfway between stew and dip is is is accurate and that's a dip yeah oh that feels like it should be a side dish then no no because i like that it's it's heavy it's good that's that'll fill you up it has some oil in it it's heavy it's heavy it'll fill you up absolutely yeah side dish shouldn't fill you up so this is the main course and i take it you just want normal french bread not your bread from the bread course because you don't want any rhys pieces dropping in your fool correct correct Absolutely.

As much as I like the different cultural diffusion elements of this, I don't want Reese's pieces to be a part of this experience.

I think, yeah, I think there's enough cultures involved in your main course that you need to start introducing American candy to the situation.

Yeah, although, if you like death and destruction, I'd tell you American candy is probably quite

a good addition to the dish.

Have you had any since you've both been here?

I had a Hershey's kiss yesterday.

How did that feel?

I think Hershey's tastes like human urine.

But he keeps going back for more.

What's your default chocolate in the UK?

Is it Cadbury?

No, I would have...

If I was just picking up any bar from just like a service station or a petrol station or something, I would get a Kit Kat chunky with peanut butter.

Whoa, whoa, whoa.

I'm a sucker for a peanut butter chocolate.

So I do like, I quite like Reese's.

Yeah.

Because it's just so sweet.

Right, right, right, right.

But Hershey's is just absolutely.

But you don't have like a default chocolate, like this is the company that, like, Hershey's makes a big percentage of the chocolate that we have.

Sure.

Cadby's mate most of the chocolate in the UK.

Cabbies with Nestle, I guess.

Nestle as well.

I'd say like most of the Cadby's ones I like.

But at the minute, I'm going for a big

Milky Bar buttons phase.

Because you're seven.

Yep.

And I'm really enjoying the big bags of buttons, but the buttons are massive and you get to.

eat them like that.

You could genuinely, it would be a big thing, but I think they should cast you as the new Milky Bar kid.

Yeah, sure.

Absolutely.

I interviewed the Milky Bar kid.

Did you really?

Once?

Yeah, yeah, one of the old ones.

I interviewed him for a TV show, and it turned out that he was a Milky Bar Kid in the 80s, where the Milky Bar Kid was set in space and not a cowboy.

And

I was dressed as a cowboy for the whole interview, and then learnt that he was actually the spaceman

Milky Bar Kid.

I'd absolutely wasted my time.

Did he even ask you why you were dressed as a cowboy?

No, he just kind of accepted it.

And then I was like, uh and then he was like i was like you know you're you're being the milky bar kid you're out in the desert and you're fighting the everyone and going in the saloons and stuff he was like well i'm going to space

what what

yeah i've been to space i'd fight the emperor's arc i was like what are you talking about

you're not the milky bar kid so like that was pretty uh pretty crushing actually but he still signed a photo of me he signed a photo of you to my favorite deputy that's what he wrote

to my favorite deputy back on earth yeah yeah back on earth i end up having like sort of posha chocolate this these days anyway i'm completely obsessed with uh choco lonely which is a dutch chocolate company choco lonely tony's

tony's choco lonely brightly covered packages and they do an amazing like there's a like a caramelli one yeah uh the plain one's great as well they do a great almond one as well it's absolutely delicious i love it you know what because i feel like chocolate especially on valentine's day is branded as this romantic chocolate

and i like the idea that no but on a day-to-day level it's really about the loneliness yeah yeah choco lonely is very good branding i appreciate it threw his name in there and everything yeah yeah

just him on his own or lonely on i like how it's choco lonely and you wouldn't expect you'd want to be connected to him yeah yeah it just make tony's lonely yeah it should just be called tony's lonely yeah yeah

we all assume it's like tony's is and it belongs to him it's actually tony is oh there's a pretzel one as well.

There's with bits of pretzel in the in the Tony's chocolate only.

Oh, wow.

Well then that means the pretzel or the and the chocolate aren't lonely.

They're they have each other.

Yeah, they've got each other, but Tony doesn't know.

No, no, Tony doesn't know.

Tony's still lonely.

It's not the opposite of your bread course.

He's put bread in chocolate.

He's I've got pockets of bread in the chocolate there with the pretzel.

I'm an innovative cover.

What's good about it as well is all the other chocolate you break off into chunks, like and uh like uniform chunks.

This is all like crazy paving.

Like it's all over the place.

You'd snap a bit off, you might get a tiny bit, you might get a massive bit, and there's a huge circular bit in the middle.

Basically, it's designed to not share because you eat it when you're lonely.

You're gonna be having all of this, so we can put the pretzels wherever we like.

Doesn't matter if you get a small bit because you know there's a big bit coming your way next.

Oh, good old Tony.

First time I came to America, I went to San Francisco on my own for 10 days and I ate Visa's fast break bar every single day, which was a like a kind of a just a big lump of like the peanut butter, but a chocolate bar size bit of the peanut butter, like all uh but with nougat kind of things, the sugary mess covered in chocolate, and it was the nicest chocolate I'd ever had at the time.

I ate them so much that when I got home, I immediately went to the doctors and asked for a blood test because

I thought I had diabetes.

But I always feel silly saying that around Ed because Ed knows more about

well I am type one diabetic, yes.

Am I allowed to take a bite out of this rugula that you have brought?

Yes, is that what that is?

Yes, I bought it along with me, Ed.

I got it from Rustin and Daughters.

Less said about that the better, James.

And you, I wanted to go there and you went there without me.

It's chocolate and what is that?

Ed, we can go together.

I don't want to go with you.

I'm going by myself.

That seems to be the way people do things around here.

Oh, Ed.

I'm going to go and get a bagel by myself, and then I'm going to eat some Tody's Choco Lonely.

Oh, no.

Eddie Choco Lonely.

Eddie bagel lonely.

Eddie bagel lonely.

I'm not organising any more food trips during this.

I'm not choosing any more restaurants for all of us together.

I'm only going to places by myself for a while.

It's a single bagel.

Well, it's a single bagel that you knew I wanted.

You could have had it.

We want to go again with you.

Well, bad luck.

Why?

You will not be getting my list of restaurants that I was planning on.

I don't understand.

I'm going by myself.

But can't we?

We can be with you.

Like, do you have to be there when we have it for the first time?

Yes.

Oh.

Because we're here together.

I will say Terrace Bagels, which is a block away from here, is fantastic.

If you do it.

Is it better than Russ and Daughters?

I can't tell you.

I don't know.

Why did all your friends go to Russ and Daughters without you as well?

Isn't Russ and Daughters a chain?

Yeah, there's a few of them around New York.

No, they've been to all of them.

They probably went yesterday.

No, we've just been to one.

Me and Benito went to one.

We had to leave earlier than Ed.

You didn't have to?

We thought, you know, oh, we were hungry.

Benito was like, I'm so hungry.

And we're like, let's look for a place.

And we're like, oh, there's a Russian dodge right there.

So we just went, we just looked on the maps and then we just thought, we'll just go there and get one.

And you knew, as soon as you made that decision, I bet someone said, Ed'll be annoyed if we go there without him.

No.

We didn't say that.

We didn't think that that would happen.

You should know me better.

We thought it would be okay.

Sorry, Hari, I don't like that you have to witness it.

Oh, Eddie Bagel lonely.

What is this?

It's Arugula.

But what does that mean?

Isn't it that?

I thought arugula was rocking.

Yeah, that's arugula.

This is

R-U-G-E-L-A-C-H.

Is that right?

R-E-G-E-L-A-C-H.

That's right.

Correct.

Five points to Hari.

Isn't it?

It's like a Jewish

cookie, right?

Yeah, it's like a little like...

It's like a Jewish Swiss roll.

It's lovely.

From what I can see.

It does look very nice.

It's very nice, filled with chocolate, raspberry, apricot, depending on different ones there.

It's an assorted one.

Pastry that goes around in a spiral.

I'm very hungry, of course, because I haven't eaten today.

Oh, dear.

So you've got this full for your main course.

Yes.

With the bread.

Correct.

And now your side, which you've said is another main course.

It's a main course.

And this was tricky because I kind of want to make this, I wanted this to be the main course, but then

it's this dish called idli.

It's a South Indian breakfast dish

with my mother's peanut chutney, which is unbelievable.

It's my favorite meal.

I probably should have made it the main course, but I couldn't imagine full being a side dish because it's so filling.

So if I only had two pieces of idli as a side, there might be just enough room to get that in.

Now, what is it?

I believe it's made with,

I don't remember the name of the flour that it's made with, but it's made with flour, like many things are.

And it's fluffy.

It's like a little rice cake.

Oh, rice.

Right.

And

the answer was in you all along.

And yeah, it's fluffy and the chutney.

It's like it's a nice thick peanut.

chutney with different spices in it and it's delicious.

I don't think I've ever had had peanut chutney before.

That sounds amazing.

Oh, it's not really a thing that one normally finds.

My mom based her recipe on, I don't know who someone else's recipe.

I think maybe it's someone from my dad's side, and then she put her own spin on it, and it's incredible.

I've never had it anywhere else.

Is it sweet as well?

No.

So it's just like...

It's

well, you taste the peanut for sure, but it's like, there's definitely a little kick to it, depending on how it, but yeah, it's good.

It's definitely savory.

Yeah.

So they're like little cakes are.

Yeah, yeah.

Little, little raised.

I wonder if I have...

Hold on a second.

Yeah, it's quite a good side dish.

Yeah, I actually think you've picked the right one.

Yeah, yeah.

A couple of little cakes.

Oh, they're right there.

I actually got them.

So

they look like flying saucers.

Correct.

Big flying saucers.

Like, yeah, giant, well, not giant flying saucers.

But like, big.

Not as in like ones with actual aliens on.

Yeah, but not as in the sweets either.

No.

They're puck-sized.

Puck-sized.

Puck-sized.

Puck-sized, yeah.

Now, you have some in the fridge there.

Yeah.

Does that mean you made some or did your...

My mother made some, gave me some for me and my girlfriend to eat later.

And that's why it's in the fridge right now.

Perfectly timed.

Did you eat the peanut chutney as well?

No, which is very bizarre because I, to be honest, I don't want to eat it without the peanut chutney.

It's really a conduit to the peanut chutney.

It's a chutney vehicle.

It is definitely a chutney vehicle.

I mean, the itli itself is fine, but like, you know, it gets a little boring after a while.

It's just bread.

I really eat it for the peanut chutney.

Now, this might be an outrageous suggestion.

Tell me, but if you've got the fool there as well, is there a world that you dip the idle in the fool?

Oh my god, I've never thought of that.

I mean, I just can't imagine a world where those two things would coexist other than in the world we've created right now.

The only other world I could imagine it existing is if I was on death row and they let me choose whatever I wanted for my final meal and they would actually follow up on it.

Yeah, do it properly.

Then I could have both those things and I could attempt it because at that point, why the hell not?

You got to try it.

You got to try it.

But yeah, other than that, no, I can't imagine.

You wouldn't do it.

No, I don't think I would.

No.

So even if it's all in front of you in the dream restaurant,

you've got the French bread,

you've got the fool, you've got the idli.

You're not, at no point, if no one's looking, you're picking up an idli and you're sneakily dipping it in.

I want to maintain the integrity of both dishes.

Even though I've really done a job on that bread with the

bacon cover.

You got a lot of bread here.

There is a lot of bread here.

It's definitely a carbo load.

I mean, initially when you asked me to do this powder, I thought it was my last meal.

And so it might just be just because of what I've chosen.

I don't know if there's recovering from this.

When they do like the last meal thing on death row,

do they get you whatever?

In theory, but I've seen enough specials where it's like, he asked for a chicken thing and this thing and that thing.

And they gave him a cheese sandwich.

You know what I mean?

It's like, or like, he wanted this fancy pizza from this place, and it was a microwave thing.

Yeah.

You know, it depends on the prison, but most, I mean, it's not.

The budget is usually like, keep it under $20 or something.

Okay.

It's not particularly.

Wasn't there a big thing of apparently the most popular death row meal was KFC and KFC were really annoyed because it was like such a bad PR for them.

Which it should be a good PR thing for them.

Like if you had one meal left in the world, I would eat this.

Of all the things there is to eat in the world, I would eat this.

Yeah, I think it's either that or murderers eat KFC.

Yeah, but everyone eats KFC.

It brings everyone together.

Yeah, it might be.

Murderers, non-murderers.

Right.

Yeah.

That's the one thing that so many people have in common is that we all eat KFC.

Why can't we just concentrate on that?

So that sounds delicious.

That sounds like a very nice.

I do think you've chosen.

Yeah, I think you've chosen the right side of my mind in that situation.

You check your feed and your account.

You check the score and the restaurant reviews.

You check your hair and reflective surfaces and the world around you for recession indicators.

So you check all that, but you don't check to see what your ride options are.

In this economy, next time, check Lyft.

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So, your drink.

Oh, this was really tricky.

Yeah.

Can I have multiple drinks?

You can tell us drinks that you've rejected.

You can't bake other drinks into your main drink.

Yeah.

Okay.

Congrats if you figure out how.

There were three drinks options.

The ones I rejected, I suppose, are Sprint, which is a discontinued Indian soda.

Great.

Discontinued in

the mid-90s.

I've only had it once.

Me and my brother had about six or seven bottles each because it was the most remarkable thing we've ever had, and then we never had it again.

Oh, so that's that got rejected.

It's about

what flavor was it?

Barely remember it.

Only had it once, but it was.

I can't remember, but I remember it was like, what the hell is this?

Was it called Sprint?

Because everyone who drank it had to just do love,

right?

The second drink is another discontinued Indian soft drink, Gold Spot,

which was huge.

It was the big, maybe the biggest soft drink in India, Goldspot.

And then Coke was finally allowed back into the Indian market, and their Fanta drink took over.

And I think they bought Goldspot out and eliminated it.

And Fanta is not the same thing.

So Goldspot was an orange soda.

It was an orange soda.

It tasted different than Fanta.

And you can't have it anymore.

It does not exist.

So Sprint, Goldspot.

Didn't make it because

they don't exist.

But we could do that for you.

We could resurrect them.

Hmm.

I didn't think about resurrection.

What were you going to go with?

Henry Weinhard's Root Beer.

It's

a root beer company made by the beer company, Henry Weinhardt.

I had it for the first time in Seattle as well.

It's popular on the West Coast.

They also have Thomas Kemper, which is a fantastic soda company, and they also do incredible root beer.

But the Henry Weinhards, even though it's made with high-fructose corn syrup and not actual sugar, is my preferred root beer.

I love root beer.

That's my favorite all-time root beer.

Okay.

I don't think I've ever had root beer.

What?

What?

How many times have you come to America?

I have never had root beer.

Well, we'll get a root beer right after this.

Okay, I don't even know what it is.

Me and Benito always go and get him without him.

Yeah, that's a problem.

You've never had root beer.

I've never had root beers together.

Me and B.

Me and Lil B?

Me and Lil B.

What is it?

It's, have you had sarsaparilla?

Of course.

No, you haven't.

Right.

It's, I don't know.

I don't know.

I only know the words.

I only know the word sarsaparilla.

And again, apologies, Hari, from The Simpsons.

Oh, no.

Hari, I'm so sorry.

I didn't think it would come up again.

It never comes up on the podcast.

It's about twice now.

I hate to tell you, I have a family unit just like The Simpsons.

UK also has nuclear power, just like Springfield's.

I'll tell you another drink I like, a Slurpee.

Just like the Slurpy.

It's actually Slushies on The Simpsons.

Is it Slushies?

Where's Slurpee from?

7-Eleven.

Oh, so Slurpee's the real one?

Slurpe's the real one.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Oh, I thought Slushy was the fake one.

And Slurpee was The Simpsons.

No, because we have Slush Puppies.

Slush Puppies are a thing.

But Slurpees are a branded drink from 7-Eleven.

So Slushy is in The Simpsons.

Yes, it might also be real, but that's...

See, how can people accuse you of hating The Simpsons?

You know everything about it.

I know everything from till about season 10.

Yeah, yeah.

Well, no one, even the writers, don't know what happens.

No one has any interest.

I'm not shocked, considering the plots have been repeating for the last 20 years.

We definitely should dig into what root beer is.

Yes.

There is a bit of a medicinal taste to it if you're not used to it.

You know, I definitely hated it as a kid, but as I've gotten older and my palate more sophisticated, I finally enjoy this kid's drink.

Yeah.

Yeah, your palate's finally developed to platum as well.

It's really remarkable to go to a bar and ask for root beer and see responses.

Yeah, and then to hear, see my response when they actually do have root beer

i'm very happy it is one of those drinks though where like so i've had it and i've i've enjoyed it but i think i can feel my teeth dissolving lots of sugar oh yeah like even more so than like most soft drinks i'm like oh i am melting my so maybe this is why i haven't had it because i'm type one diabetic never have full i never have the full fat drinks oh do they have and is it worth it having a diet root beer they do have it not the same it's i mean it's never the same i mean mean, I think you'll get the essence of root beer if you have the diet.

You'll have the essence of.

Oh, this is, I vaguely get the taste of it.

Would it be possible for you to have a sip of regular root beer or you couldn't even have a sip of it?

Yeah, yeah.

No, I could have a sip of it.

Right, right, right.

I just wouldn't drink like a whole calendar.

Right, right.

But yeah, I could have a sip of it together.

Sipper to, you'd get that idea.

If you can, I'd say Stewart's is pretty solid.

If you're going to go with the main team of A and W or Barks, that's fine.

That's your standard root beer.

But if you could get a Stewart's or a higher-end company, I'd recommend that.

But what's the one you like?

Henry Weinhard's, but that's not available everywhere.

If you can get it, I strongly suggest it.

I don't think Thomas Kemper is available.

That might be just in the West Coast.

But yeah, I like trying different root beers in different cities.

Yeah.

Local

breweries and stuff.

What makes that one better than the others?

Tastes good.

Oh, yeah.

I like the taste of it.

It's nice.

Also, this is like three soft drinks you've put forward here.

Are you not?

I don't drink very much.

No, I don't drink very much.

If I was to drink, if the choice was an alcoholic drink,

this doesn't make me sound that much better.

But

I would have Krabby's alcoholic ginger beer.

Okay, yeah, I'm just sure.

So, yeah, yeah,

that's where we are.

Or I would have this Belgian beer called Fruli that's made with strawberries.

Fruli, yeah.

Are you familiar with Fruli?

I'm familiar with Fruli, yeah.

They have it in this place.

They used to have it at this bar in Angel, I think, that was called the Bull.

Right, okay.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Yeah, so you like the

sweet drinks.

Yeah, yeah, I like sugar.

Yeah, yeah.

Oh, man, I haven't had fruly in so long.

Oh, man, it's been at least 10 years since I've had fruley.

You can't find it here.

Yeah.

I've been looking.

I'm sure there's some like, you know, you know, we're in New York.

I'm sure there's some sort of trendy beer importer who can get you a bottle of fruly.

Maybe I should try, but is it worth spending 20?

Yeah, it is worth spending 20 bucks to get a single bottle of fruly.

I've only had it off the tap, to be honest.

There's people in the UK who spend like £20 for a box of fruit loops.

So I'm sure it it happens.

It happens the other way around here with beers.

So

you got your lovely sweet drink there.

And now that leads you into a lovely sweet dessert, I would hope.

I mean, I'm feeling pretty good about it.

I think you're fine.

James is always worried that people aren't going to pick a lovely sweet dessert, but it's clear you like sugar.

I mean, I had Reese's pieces on here, but we've already done that.

Everybody had the Reese's pieces in the bread.

I think what we're going to do, and I've thought a lot about this, we're going to have an acai acai bowl right which is okay delicious with mango but the mango is going to be alfonso mango

which is about to get that to america it's a hundred dollars for six mangoes right yes it is the mango right the most popular most expensive best mango wow alfonso mango love i would want that on the acai bowl so the acai bowls yes i don't think have really filtered through to the uk

oh they're lovely so it's like a fruit right?

So

I think it's like a

barrier of fruit.

And it's supposed to be extremely healthy for you.

So what people do is they grind it up and they ice it up and they turn it into like almost like an ice cream that you put on the bottom, right?

And then you put granola and you put different types of fruit.

You might put some goji berries on it.

So maybe some honey, perhaps add protein to it or some peanut or almond butter and you eat it.

So it's technically healthy, but it's full of sugar.

So much sugar.

And I put it as a dessert to remind myself that it is a dessert and I have to stop eating it for breakfast

because it's full of so much sugar, even though it is like the healthiest, unhealthy dessert you could have.

I think that there's a whole thing with things like that and granola.

And we went to a place yesterday, I had some coconut yogurt with more coconut on top and cashews.

And it's all like, this is healthy, this is healthy.

It's not.

It's too tasty.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, that's how you know.

That's how you know.

Yeah, yeah.

That's that's an immediate red flag.

This tastes nice.

Oh,

oh, no.

This healthy food is delicious.

Oh, boy.

May as well have had a joke all lonely.

Yeah, when you think, when you know that this isn't sucralose or some artificial sugar, when it's like, this tastes like real sugar, you're done for it.

It is no longer.

Yeah, a friend of mine took me to like a health food supermarket in LA once, and they were like, this is, it tastes so good here.

Get the sugar-free cakes and this kind of stuff.

And I tried them and they were not good.

And that's how I knew it was a proper health food.

I was like, I kind of had to say the word, you know what?

This is a proper, healthy place.

Like, you definitely have found a really healthy place here because none of this is fun to eat.

I didn't have a good time with it.

A single mouthful here, but you have found a very healthy place.

I will say, I mean, fruit is the health.

I mean, it's healthier than having another dish because it's fruit, so it's natural sugars and stuff.

Still sugar, though.

Still sugar.

Still sugar.

And the berries are very, they're healthy, but again, they're antioxidants and superfoods.

Still sugar.

Honey is sugar.

Yeah, delicious.

Vanilla has sugar in it.

Yeah, it's all sugar.

But honey's like keeping the bees employed, so that's good.

Right, right, right.

So you can always make yourself feel better.

If you're going to weigh up the kind of guilt,

the guilt of scales, you know, it makes you feel better.

You're supporting local bee economies.

If we weren't eating honey, though,

the bees wouldn't stop making it, right?

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Yeah, they'd stop.

I don't really understand how bees work.

I'd love to know if there was a honey boycott, what would happen?

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

But are we going to sell those honey?

We've got so much.

If the bears don't want it, what would they do?

Would they like go to Gap here or something?

Yeah, yeah.

It's going to take some time out.

Would they overthrow the queen?

You failed us.

I'm going to read your order back to you now, see how you feel about it.

Okay.

You would like white rock seltzer.

Yes.

Olive bread with Reese's pieces, bacon-covered covered dates and olives in little cavities baked inside the bread.

Yeah, there's some regret there, but yes.

Starter, some tom char soup.

Tomcha soup, yeah.

Tom char soup sauce with chicken Thai.

Yeah.

Chicken Thai of chicken from Thai Tom.

Yes, correct.

Thai Tom.

And Seattle.

I'm misreading my own writing here.

Benito didn't write it for me.

Main course, Fool.

Yes.

From Cafe Salaam.

Yes, and Seattle as well.

So that's Seattle.

With their Cambodian, their Cambodian French bread.

Very important.

Side dish, idli with mum's peanut chutney.

Correct.

Correct.

But only two because you've got to save some room for dessert.

Absolutely.

Drink.

Henry Weinhart's root beer.

Correct.

Oh, would you like that in a glass or the bottle?

Bottle.

Dessert.

Now that you have to help me with this one.

Acai bowl?

Yeah, acai bowl.

So how do you feel about that?

The one thing I regret now that I look at it, there are no vegetables in here.

No?

Ah, there are no vegetables in there.

And there's nothing green or healthy in the slightest other than the dessert the dessert yeah yeah yeah yeah throw in salad of some no too late now I mean you can bake it in that bread again yeah you can have a full salad in the bread I have a solution I have a solution I want to add some coffee to the end yes

there isn't enough fiber or vegetables and at some point I so you add in the coffee

so you can get everything moving correct right that's an excellent that's a really good uh life hack i think don't eat vegetables just have a coffee

you will die eventually, but at least you'll go to the bathroom at some point.

Oh, thank you very much.

That's also a delicious meal.

Yes,

some of it definitely does.

Thank you very much for joining us in the Dream Rest.

Oh, it was a pleasure.

I can't wait for you both to try Rootmeal.

And there it is.

The delicious, interesting, and occasionally slightly weird menu of Hari Kondabolu, thinking specifically about the cavity bread.

Yes, yeah, yeah, the cavity bread.

I saw him regret it.

Yeah, absolutely.

As he was deciding on it, to be fair to him.

But, you know, big, big fans of Hari will not be surprised that he has mango in his dessert.

That is a

talked about it a lot on stage.

He talked about it a lot.

People know that that's his favorite, Alfonso mangoes.

As he was talking about the Alfonso mango, behind him on the shelf in his apartment was a painting of an Alfonso mango that a fan had done for him.

Yeah.

So no question.

We should have guessed.

What it was going to be.

Yeah, yeah.

We were wrong to think it was going going to be Bertie Botts every flavor beans.

It wasn't.

So that's why, although maybe he'd try the Alfonso mango flavor Bertie Bott bean, maybe there's one of them.

I'm sure he would, but it was probably, it would be like you wouldn't be able to tell the difference colour-wise between the mango one and the sick one.

Yeah, yeah, it'd probably be quite similar.

Baby poopering one or something.

Yeah, yeah.

Roll that dice.

So well done, Hari.

You got through the meal without being removed from your own apartment.

It was a pleasure to have him in the dream restaurant.

Such a pleasure.

Such a pleasure.

Also, if you want to hear more from Hari, you can see he's got his special on Netflix called Warn Your Relatives.

Warn your relatives, it's called.

And go and check out his documentary, The Problem with Appoo.

It's very interesting, very well made, and Hari is great.

So thank you very much to Hari for that brilliant menu.

Glug, glug, glug.

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Hmm.

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