Ep 71: Amy Hoggart

James, huge news from the world of off-menu and indeed the world of the world.

Yes.

Ever heard of the Royal Albert Hall?

I have.

We've done live shows there.

And guess what?

We're doing more live shows there next year.

Sure, a lot of them are sold out already.

But we thought, hey, throw these guys a bone.

Let's put on one final Royal Albert Hall show in that run.

The show will be on Monday, the 16th of March.

It's going to be a tasting menu, a returning guest coming back, receiving the menu of another previous guest.

Those shows have been a lot of fun.

We cannot wait to do them live.

Who will we pull out of our little magic bag?

You'll have to come along on the 16th of March to find out.

If I'm correct in thinking, presale tickets go on pre-sale on the 10th of September.

Pre-sale tickets are 10th of September at 10 a.m.

And then the general sale is 12th of September at 10 a.m.

So if you miss out on the pre-sale, don't forget general sale is only two days later.

The day in between is for reflecting.

Get your tickets from royalalberthall.com Hall.com or offmenupodcast.co.uk.

You check your feed and your account.

You check the score and the restaurant reviews.

You check your hair and reflective surfaces and the world around you for recession indicators.

So you check all that, but you don't check to see what your ride options are.

In this economy, next time, check Lyft.

And the good thing about this podcast is we flombay it tableside.

Oh, lovely.

That's a good one.

Thank you very much.

Welcome to the Off-Menu podcast.

Welcome, Ed Gamble.

Welcome, James A.

Caster.

And welcome, you, the listener.

Whoever you may be.

Whoever you may be, we like you very much.

Dependent on actions.

Absolutely.

We don't stand by everything that you do.

We don't know.

So don't think that whatever you do in life.

Oh, I didn't James approve of this.

Because we don't.

What we approve of is you've downloaded and are listening to this podcast.

That's it.

We approve of that.

Yeah.

That's the given.

Yeah.

Anybody else?

James, where are we?

We're in the dream restaurant, and we're going to welcome a guest in a minute and ask them what their favorite ever start and main course dessert side dish and drink are.

And more broadly, we're in New York City.

Oh, yeah, sure.

Yeah.

That's pretty exciting.

Yeah, I forgot about that.

We're in New York City.

We are in New York City right now.

We're in an office on Wall Street.

Oh we've been allowed in an office on Wall Street.

I feel like Leo DiCaprio.

Yes the actor.

You're right mate.

You got a cough

of Wall City.

It's like a big scene in it.

Matthew McConough.

Today's guest

is

Amy Hoggart.

Amy Hoggett, wonderful comedian, writer, actor.

I've known her her for many years.

You have.

You did a wonderful TV show with her called Almost Royal.

Do you remember that?

I do indeed.

Almost Royal,

one of my most favourite parts of my whole career, I'd say.

Such a funny show, Ed, if I do say so, myself.

And you've watched it?

That's why you say that.

We played Brother and Sister, and we went around America pretending to be part of the Royal family.

It was a lot of fun.

Georgie and Poppy Carlton.

Georgie and Poppy Carlton.

And it's wonderful to welcome Amy here.

She is also on Full Frontal with Samantha B

and her own TV show.

Very, very exciting stuff.

Very exciting.

But

even though she's got all these fantastic shows, and even though you're very good friends of her, I'm afraid, Ed, if she says a secret ingredient, I'm going to kick her out of the restaurant.

We've got to kick her out of the restaurant.

Hey, look, I'll back you up, man.

That's the rules of the podcast.

No matter how friendly we are, she's got to go.

Yeah.

And the secret ingredient this week is bitter melon.

Now, we had this last night.

We went to Mission Chinese in New York.

Wonderful restaurant.

Fantastic restaurant.

So good.

One of the dishes had bitter melon in it.

I loved it.

I loved the bitter melon.

I was eating it loads.

Even there was some bitter melon in our drinks, some little circles of bitter melon.

It was raw in the drinks.

Raw in the drinks.

But it was cooked in the dish, which was lovely.

Yes, I loved the raw bitter melon, thought it was great.

You and Benito thought I was insane.

Well, I was backing you initially because my main aim while we're here in New York is to push Benito to the edge.

Yes.

So Bonito was saying, I don't want to eat that.

That's disgusting.

Why are you eating that?

And I was like, shut up, Bonito.

I can eat it.

And I ate some and it tasted for about an hour afterwards like I'd been sick.

Like I'd vomited.

It was like acidic vomit taste.

It doesn't taste like that to me.

It tastes absolutely.

I love how bitter it is.

I love the...

that deliciousness.

And by the way, I just want to clear up any confusion because this happened to a friend of mine when we were very young.

He ordered, he saw on the menu that they had the drink bitter lemon.

Yes.

And he ordered bitter lemon.

And and then when it arrived, he cried because he thought he'd ordered a bit of lemon.

Well, for a number of reasons, ridiculous.

Yeah.

A crying because you don't get a bit of lemon is insane.

Yeah.

But also, ordering a bit of lemon.

Yeah.

Yeah, mad.

And thinking that any restaurant would phrase it that way.

So.

A bit of lemon.

This is not a bit of melon.

No.

This is a bit of bitter melon.

Yes, a raw bit of bitter melon.

That is a secret ingredient.

If she says it, she's out on it.

Even though I love it.

But now let's see the off-menu menu of Amy Hoggart.

Welcome, Amy Hoggart, to the Dream Restaurant.

Thank you.

Welcome, Amy Hoggart, to the Dream Restaurant.

Do you like an amuse bush?

Yeah, go on.

Wang over.

Absolutely.

And what is it this time, Jack?

Green peas in a pod.

Peas in a pod.

Oh, nice.

I love peas.

Yeah.

Better remember that for all the food stuff in a minute.

Do you love peas?

Amy loves peas.

One day,

I ate marshy peas three times and then I had peas for dinner.

I'm like, watch, on my way back from a festival.

No one could believe it.

On your way back from a festival?

Yeah.

Like I ate marshy peas at the festival.

So they served mushy peas at the festival.

Yeah, it was like a you know breakfast thing.

Yeah.

Breakfast.

I don't know.

I can't explain it, but I ordered it.

And then we went on like a ferry or something.

It was on the Isle of Wight.

Went on a ferry and they had mushy peas peas on the ferry.

I had some.

And then we got to a service station and I thought it would be funny to get them again just to make my friends laugh.

And then when I got back, mum had made peas for dinner.

Just peas.

With other stuff.

Yeah.

I mean, that is incredible.

It's a lot of fun.

And you were, just to think, Amy, you were worried about coming on the food podcast because you didn't think you had enough food-based material.

The first food that's mentioned, you've got a whole anecdote about it.

A whole anecdote at the time you ate loads of mushy peas and then peas.

Yeah, that's my only food story.

Well,

thanks for coming on the food.

I'll expand on it.

Thank you.

Thanks

Very exciting.

James has only started doing the amuse bouches recently.

I really like it.

It went very well from my perspective.

Every time he does it now, I can see him suggest the amuse bouche and then panic because he's not thought of what it's going to be.

Did you have it pre-planned?

No.

Oh.

I did not know I was going to say peas in a pod.

So it was amused even to me.

I was amused by it.

You were amused by it.

Yeah.

Yeah.

But worked out quite nicely.

Did it work out well from an anecdotal perspective?

Yeah, straight into the mushype anecdote.

I said, i mean my you needn't say mushy peas now that being a moose bouge i really really really like yeah you love them but um i just tweaked it a bit i wouldn't afford

that you would like mushy peas why

um

because

amy's immediately on the offensive yes she's really confused we don't know each other very well obviously you and ed brother and sister fine yeah but i

obviously i i don't i don't i don't really know you very well but when i've been around you and you've been eating food and talking about food and talking about your day-to-day routine, it sounds very healthy.

Right.

And so mushy peas is what I would not...

I would not regard it as that, but I guess it's a bit of a...

It is a healthy food that you've kind of cheated and made it.

It looks like it's unhealthy, but it's actually quite healthy.

I don't know if it's healthy.

I mean, it's peas, but like, they add stuff.

They add stuff, but I don't even know if it...

Is it peas?

Because sometimes it's like...

I have two.

I've just realised I've got two more mushy peas animals.

Yes.

First one is...

Oh, it's impossible.

You know Edinburgh Fringe Festival?

Yes.

I find it very stressful.

Very stressful.

Because it's an unpleasant time.

Yeah.

And so one thing that got me through the last two years was if I couldn't sleep in the night or whatever,

I would get up.

Maybe just any time of day actually or night.

If I was stressed, I would comfort eat mushy peas out of a tin from little.

And I would eat them.

Out of the tin, cold.

Cold.

And that would relax me.

Should I be odd?

With salt.

So if you were a bit sad, you'd eat mushroom peas out of a tin and that would make you feel okay about yourself.

No, it did.

It made me feel better.

No, no, no.

That would have really been a good thing.

I mean, it probably happened like a few times, but one of my friends came up in London just because I was struggling.

And I said, this is my weird habit.

One of them.

And

she did it too.

And she really liked it.

So you dragged your friends down with you?

Up, yeah.

You inspired her.

Yeah.

So she wasn't like, oh, my God, I do that too.

No, she was like, that's rough, but I'll do it with you.

Like, you know, we're in this together.

And then she liked it.

Joanna.

Joanna Fleck

just does whatever you say she came up from London because you were having a bad time yeah so she just dropped everything and came to London and came to Edinburgh she really loves and then she ate some mushy peas with you because you were doing it yeah

I don't really do that anymore right so that's anecdote number one

that's number two from the promised three yeah mushy peas anecdotes yeah the other one's actually quite sad I don't know whether to tell it but it was when I moved the last one was sad by the way

all three have been I'd say the first one wasn't happy no I like the first one because you were eating it to make your friends laugh.

You're trying to make your friends laugh.

Was Joanna Fleck one of your friends on the trip from the Isle of Wight?

Oh, yeah.

She was.

That's good to hear, though, because otherwise I would have hated her.

Tell him why.

She wasn't there.

Oh, she wasn't there.

Oh, okay.

Back to sadness again.

Fleck's only amount for the bad size.

That's what's sad.

You don't evolve Fleck when you're having a laugh.

No, she doesn't get good, A.B.

So.

Mushy P anecdote number three.

It's sad.

When I moved to the States, I was really worried about it because I didn't really want to come.

Sorry, America.

And my boyfriend at the time was trying to be caring and sweet.

So he made me mushy peas.

But

it was just like peas and cream.

What?

Which is not mushy peas.

So when I remembered it was because you said it's healthy.

It's creamy peas.

It reminds me of the far show.

Cheesy peas.

Cheesy peas.

Which I wouldn't eat.

No, no.

And um

but I didn't have any food the next day so all I ate was creamy peas.

Oh, she did eat.

He did eat it.

That remind me of a pea anecdote.

When I was at school.

The gift that keeps on giving.

When I was at school, so it was probably quite young.

I was probably maybe seven or eight.

Yeah.

In art,

a project we were given was to, we got given loads of different colours of crepe paper and a paper plate, and we had to make our favourite meal that our parents cooked us

on this thing.

And I panicked and I couldn't think of anything that my mum cooked me, So I made cheesy peas.

Oh, like the Fashion.

But I didn't need it.

Well, this was pre-fashion.

I was very much an innovator.

I don't know, but anyway,

I had to screw up loads of little bits of green paper and stick them on individually.

And then they tried to hang it on the wall and they all just fell off.

And I just put a sheet of yellow over the top for the cheese sauce.

And I told my mum I made cheesy peas and she went mental.

Why?

Because she reflects.

She's like, yeah, it reflects badly.

And also,

around that same year, you had to write a story.

And I wrote a story about someone being on a treasure hunt.

And then, every time they thought they found the treasure, it was just like a box of empty vodka and gin bottles.

So, my mum was like, They think I'm an alcoholic, it cooks you cheesy peas.

It doesn't look like it.

That would make sense, they'd connect.

Yeah, it would connect.

Do you often eat from tins?

Because we've travelled together a lot, making the show almost royal.

And we'd arrive in a new place and we'd go shopping and buy some food.

Quite often, Amy would buy just a tin of pumpkin.

A tin of pumpkin?

Like pumpkin pie.

What do you mean?

Like pumpkin pie mix.

I don't know.

Pumpkin pie filling.

I like pumpkin pie

a lot.

But why

I don't remember.

There was one period where, um, oh, this reflects badly as well.

I bought a little mini blender.

Oh, yes.

Because you can get sick of hotel eggs.

Yeah.

Buy a mini blender and that's something I would put pumpkin in a smoothie

during autumn and we often shot in autumn.

Yeah, we did, yeah.

And I was, when I'm working, I'm very meticulous about what I eat.

I'm quite like obsessed with the energy.

I think you are too.

I mean, obviously, diabetes, poor sword.

Yeah, you know, it was like a healthy start.

Yeah, we were pretty healthy doing that, I think.

Yeah.

Two healthy friends, James.

Two healthy friends together.

Yeah.

It's not what my relationship with Ed is like.

What do you do together?

I'm like the little devil on his shoulder.

You're the nice poppy little angel on his shoulder.

Evil little devil going, Ed, come into this place and eat some cake truffles with me.

So today we we went to Milk's bar

and we bought a box of twelve cake truffles because we thought it'd be lovely to share with our guests.

And we've had four records today, including yours, and only one guest has had a cake truffle.

I mean, I would love a cake truffle.

I should say to the listeners off the bat, I'm gluten intolerant, it's not a diet, it's a very specific health thing.

I've had it for twelve years, it's legitimate.

I just can't eat a cake truffle.

You do need to say that because it really embarrasses me.

It's my top least favorite fact about myself.

What, being gluten-intolerant?

Yeah, one of the least favourite facts.

Yeah, yeah.

A few others?

A few others you want to throw at us?

There's the whole pee thing.

That doesn't bother me.

Yeah, no?

Okay.

Yeah.

I said it really quickly.

Because you're properly gluten intolerant, right?

I'm not see like,

this is so boring, but traces would not kill me, but it makes me very ill.

Yeah.

And

it makes me extremely depressed as well for a short space.

And there's nothing that would make me risk eating it.

Yeah.

You enjoy food, right?

But you're not.

Are you bothered about it?

Are you like bothered about it?

Be honest.

Well, I'm shy about it because I thought immediately when you asked me, oh, that will be a dreadful episode that I wouldn't want to listen to.

I do really like food.

I like eating, but I'm not a foodie.

Like last night, can we talk about it?

Yeah.

So we go to a foodie place.

It's a New York Mission Chinese.

Is that the name?

Yeah.

There's nothing that would make me go if it wasn't for the fact that...

And I wouldn't have gone.

It's just I wanted to be with you.

But you wouldn't normally bother.

No, I mean the chairs, the booth was heaven.

I said said it's like getting into bed.

Yeah.

It felt incredible.

That's what you like most about it, right?

That would be my top takeaway.

The food was lovely, but honestly, if we'd gone and, I mean, we could have gone anywhere.

Yeah.

And I'd have been as happy.

It is delicious, but it's so serious.

It makes me feel like under pressure.

No, I get that.

I totally get that.

Well, I get very serious about it.

Yeah, you're very serious.

Because I've spent a lot of time with Ed.

Yeah.

I've ruined food for you.

I believe so.

That's interesting.

I never ate mushy peas before.

You get very serious about it.

Like, Like, we've got their reservation.

There was a bit of drama.

You're hungry and you're tired.

I know this man.

Yes.

And then at dinner, like, the waitress wasn't doing it to the speed that you were

expecting.

It was fine, though.

Yeah.

And I can see that.

And then also, I have this personality trait where I want everyone to have a good time.

I want everyone to be upbeat.

So I'm like, no, I like the speed, you know.

But it's, yeah.

And you didn't like the bathrooms.

I didn't.

That was my low.

And after I left.

Yeah, you did leave.

Pre-check.

Pre-check, now?

The Brits don't know this, but there's an app called Venmo.

You can pay your friends.

No way of proving that.

Well, let's start with taking the order now.

Similar watches.

Yeah.

We should cut that.

No, keep it in.

Georgie and Poppy have similar watches.

Don't mind me calling you Poppy?

Don't mind.

I don't mind if I'm with Ed.

Don't mind on doing it all the way through.

I don't mind if I'm with Ed.

I don't mind being aligned with with the character of Georgie Carlton from Almost Royal because he's nicer than me.

He's very nice, Georgie Carlton.

He is.

I had a weird moment during filming once.

I'm sure I told you.

I think I'm just such a fantastic actor that I'm in character so much.

Yeah.

But I was with Ed as Georgie and I looked at him, I turned around and I went, I thought in my head, I love Georgie.

I love him.

He's the kindest man.

He's so sweet.

He looks after me every day.

He's heaven.

I never thought that about you, but I like you.

Yeah.

Yeah, I'm fine.

But Georgie's great.

Oh.

A big Ed fan, but in to a reasonable degree yeah fine yes but Georgie's nice and you'd rather be with Georgie I think he'd do more for me

I don't know what you do for me no very little that's true Georgie

so still a sparkling water still never sparkling it just tastes a bit off and it ruins your uh tooth enamel gotta be careful

you'll never grow it back

this is the stuff i was expecting yeah

oh my god and mushy p is completely through me and this is like oh yeah yeah yeah It's a little, I like, Americans drink seltzer all the time.

It's so, and I also, one of my big food things is I worry all the time about the environment and like the ethics of it, which is so boring.

Again, it's going to be, it's going to drag this episode so far down.

But I like a, there's just seltzer everywhere.

And people like just have, get through cans and cans and cans.

I'm like, it's going in the ground or the sea.

Having said that, at work I have about one a day.

A flavoured one.

What flavour?

Because we can get you that.

It's the dream restaurant.

Oh, yeah, but it's not not my favourite drink, and also it's going to disrupt the flavours of the food.

We've got to keep it neutral.

This doesn't have to be, this isn't your drink selection,

this is you hacking the water.

I'm going to get a filtered still water, a filtered still water.

My friend Sam

told me that normal water is bad for you.

I don't know.

Normal water's bad for you.

Well, it's just not as good.

And, like, if you can, if it's a dream restaurant, get it filtered.

Absolutely.

Yeah, yeah, fairly.

Otherwise, I drink it.

Yeah.

What do you want it filtered through?

A filter.

Yeah.

If I may.

Yeah, nice charcoal filter, maybe?

Yeah.

That's cool.

Because it shouldn't work, but it does.

Does it?

I don't know, Ed.

I don't know it.

It's like,

if I saw someone with the charcoal in their filter, I think we'll probably get on.

You think they got their shit together?

Yeah.

Yeah.

Yeah.

All their enamel intact.

Yeah, enamels everywhere.

I just think it looks dirtier.

Yeah, but I like that.

How's it working?

Put a bit of coal in your water.

Yeah.

But it's your choice.

It's my choice, sir.

You want a charcoal-filtered water?

You can have a charcoal-filtered charcoal-filtered water.

Yeah, pop-lums or bread.

Pop-doms or bread.

I love it.

Poppy!

Poppy dumbs or bread, poppy!

Poppy dumbs or bread.

Poppy dumbs or bread.

Yeah!

You still got it.

Georgie Carlton wouldn't say that.

No.

He would, actually.

He would say he would like it, wouldn't he?

But he'd say it in a different way.

Wouldn't he be a lot more self-conscious, wouldn't he?

He'd be like.

And then he'd say something about his friend waking him off at school or something.

Yes.

That was very much the go-to.

I'm a massive poppa dom head.

And I have a pop-up.

Not crazy.

At least one poppa dom anecdote if you're interested.

Yes, very much so.

I just love poppadoms so much.

They're tasty

and I think they're like crisp that they've got more going on.

Yeah.

Yeah.

And I really like curry and I think that growing up in London is just such great curry.

So I miss that a lot.

Are there no good curry places in New York?

I've never found one but I also don't know because I just feel like it's all about the immigration patterns and there's just so many more South Asians in London.

Yeah.

And here you would I would eat more food like I don't know Italian food and like Mexican food and whatever.

So then I go home and the first thing I want is a curry.

So I realized as an like a few years ago, why do you not eat pop a domes more Amy?

Because you like to eat it so much.

So then I like started snacking on them a bit.

Mm-hmm.

But anyway, one day, yeah, I used to take myself on writing retreats.

I only did it two years, but in a row, but I was like, I'm going to always get an Airbnb and like take myself off to write for two days.

Really nice.

So I go, but I had to do a food shop.

And I always think I eat less than I do because I'm only little, but I can't pack it in.

So anyway, I realized I was really hungry.

I basically ran out of food and started to get hungry, but I also had no transportation.

So I had to walk back to the nearest town along the river, but I have a fainting tendency.

The fainting tendency.

I hadn't eaten enough.

Right.

So I passed.

Well, I knew I was going to pass out.

So I knew I needed to just get close to the ground.

So I sat by a tree and I came to.

And then I got into town and I went to a co-op

and I ate a packet of popadoms in the rain outside on my own and then I went back and bought more

and then I went back to my apartment and did some writing.

That's like the saddest writing retreat.

Yes.

Yeah.

Because if I bought more food at the beginning I could have just plowed through and had a good time.

What were you writing at the time and did it did the fact you'd eaten a packet of pop-a-doms in the rain influence the project at all?

It took a lot of time out.

It's not like a poppadom story now.

Yeah.

I've never written this story up.

When you came came to, did you not kind of go, what time is it?

What's going on?

You just went on to the shop.

I don't think I fully lost consciousness.

It was just like,

I would have if I'd not sat by the tree on

okay.

And then I went on to the shop.

And then ate poppadoms in the rain.

Yeah.

Do you want anything with the poppadoms, like a chutney, or would you like them in the rain?

We can make it rain in the restaurant.

Rain in the restaurant if that's what you want.

Yeah, bring me a little tray of um rain.

A little white tray.

Just a a little sauces.

You know,

the chutney, the mint.

Yeah.

Yeah, the...

Yeah, yeah.

I've only been out of England so long, I don't even know the names.

That's how it works, is it?

I've been so long you don't know the name.

You're good at one.

Doraiter.

Yeah.

Yeah, yeah.

Tasty.

I know their names.

I know their names.

You know their names, don't you?

Don't pretend like you've forgotten England.

Make us sad.

Sadder than you already were.

Horrible stuff.

Yeah, I mean, we've heard some very sad stories.

I feel though.

I don't know what to tell you.

It's a very depressing episode.

Yeah.

I'm loving it.

Oh, Ed loves it.

Georgie wouldn't love it.

Georgie would be very sad.

Georgia would be lovely.

Changing my ways.

The next story I tell is going to be uplifting and I'm going to come across very well.

Okay.

Okay.

Your starter.

The problem is, it was going to be poppadoms.

It literally was.

That's why I lit up in the face when you started talking about poppadoms.

I'll pivot.

I'll pivot.

Yeah, more pop-a-d's.

We're not going to stop you.

Let's have a curry starter.

Okay.

Because I love curry.

Yeah.

So, what sort of thing?

Do you mean like a traditional starter in a curry house, or do you mean like a little mini curry?

A mini curry, yeah.

A curry for a star.

That's baller.

Is it?

Is that uplifting it?

I mean a lot.

I worry, though, that you've forgotten the names of all the curry.

Sag paneer.

You've been out of England too long.

Sagpaneer.

Sagpaneer.

Yeah.

To start.

That's really weird, isn't it?

No.

That's not weird.

Isn't it?

I don't think so.

Nice.

Yeah, I love it.

I love sag.

I love paneer.

I don't know what to tell you.

Pop them together.

That sounds like the perfect dish for you, then.

Yeah.

It's got my name written all over.

Anything that you can just sneak more cheese into, I think, is a good.

Yeah, but

what we're needing is I don't like it when the cheese is runny.

Okay.

It's got to be like nice, sort of dry, salty spinach and then chunks of cheese.

And then chunks of cubes.

Call it a day.

Yeah, call it a day.

Was there anywhere back home that was like your favourite place to go and get a sag paneer?

We used to have a favourite curry house and it and it closed.

Sad story again.

Here we go.

Here we go.

Burnt down, something like that.

And then now we've got a new one called Tangawitzi and it's near

my family home.

So we'd go at Christmas.

Because you get sick of Christmas food and then you go there.

Curry is the best antidote to boring.

Absolutely.

Exactly.

And also there was a nice local story about how

this is ridiculous.

It was either Brad Pitt or George Clooney.

I think it was George George Clooney, but Brad Pitt has also been to Twickenham because

he went to the Halfords and everyone was really excited.

But anyway, George Clooney was at the Tanglewitzy, which is really weird.

A bicycle shop.

Yeah, yeah.

No one could believe it with Angelina.

And

I don't know, but it was like they'd rented somewhere near there and it was talk of the town.

They'd gone to the Halfords.

So that's why I'm confused.

Like, why would Brad Pitt and George Clooney end up in Twickenham?

But I'm pretty sure it's George Clooney who went down to Tanglewitzy's and they made him wait.

They made him wait.

Yeah, but in a nice way, and he was very nice about it.

Yeah.

Him or Brad Pitt, probably him.

Do they have a picture of him on the wall now in Tangley?

No, it's just they don't care and I love that.

Yeah.

So that's what's good for you is you can go in there and they're not going to be

powerful.

Oh, my god, Tangle Whitsy?

Like every other restaurant.

They treat me just like a normal person.

Hold on a second.

Sorry to roll back.

Do people call it Halford's?

Oh shit.

What did you call it?

I was going to say Halford's, but I didn't want it.

Halford's Whoopsie.

But was that...

Do people call it Holfords?

Amy's been out of England for a while.

I'm so sorry.

She's forgotten Holford.

Americans would call it Holford.

No, I don't know.

It's probably Halford's.

I've never been.

You've not been?

Even Brad Pitt goes to Halford's.

I haven't Brad Pitt's going there with Evangelina.

Yeah, no, I've been loads.

I love it at Halford's.

So do you want the sardpanier from Tangle Whitsy?

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

Yeah, they do a good one.

Yeah.

Yeah, okay.

Do you want Clooney sitting on the adjacent table?

Doesn't bother me.

No, it doesn't either.

Do you want to see Clooney waiting at the door?

Because we've made him wait.

Yeah.

Because I took the table.

We can make him wait for the whole meal if you like.

He's just, he was so nice about it, I don't mind him waiting.

Yeah.

Yeah, and he doesn't mind.

Clearly not.

It's fine.

Do you want it in one of the little silver dishes that you get in a curry house with the little handles on the outside?

Yeah.

Nice, innit?

Yeah, I do.

Oh, it's so nice.

Yeah, it is good.

Tasty.

We get it.

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Terms apply.

Your main course.

Um

are we gonna be sick?

I have thought about this.

There you go.

What are you gonna be sick?

Are we gonna stick to the Indian scene?

No, that's what I was gonna say.

I didn't say, are you gonna be sick?

You're gonna be sick.

I was thinking about this because it's like any meal ever.

So on a Sunday, it's Sunday today for the listeners thinking about the days.

If I'm in London, me and my brother will always go back to my mum's house.

And Sunday nights we always have a roast, but I've been doing it my whole life.

So I think honestly, away from home, I would choose a Sunday roast

at my mother's house.

Yeah, take us through all the elements that make up your dream Sunday roast.

So, in this ideal.

I like, I would love to have chicken, but in this dream restaurant, no animals were or died, right?

Okay, but you still want chicken, yeah.

But it's done so that it's not had an impact on the environment, and it's not an animal, right?

So, it's a because it's a dream restaurant, So it's chicken.

Yeah.

But it's not an animal.

Yeah.

Yeah.

We're trying to work out how we could.

But it's like magic.

How about this?

So it doesn't have an effect on the environment.

Yeah.

We can kill and prepare it on another planet.

Yes.

Yeah.

Yeah.

An alien chicken.

An alien chicken.

Yeah.

And it's evil as well.

Okay.

Yeah.

Well, then it deserves to die, as I said.

Yeah, I enjoyed it a lot of evil.

And I will enjoy eating it.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

But it's tasty.

It's tasty.

It's a tasty, evil alien chicken.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Okay.

So we do chicken.

Yeah.

Roast chicken.

Yes.

Crispy skin.

Yeah, but I don't like skin that much because the top's nice, but underneath it's like flappy skin.

It's like a blister.

You mean on the like?

The underside of a chicken skin is like a blister to me.

I could peel it all off.

Well, you can have it then.

Are we eating together?

Yeah, if you want me to pop in.

I'd love that.

I'll pop in.

No, thank you.

Okay, cool.

I'll pop in and suck the bottom of the chicken.

Yeah.

Well, I'll eat the top of the chicken skin and you can have it.

Yeah, perfect.

I'll just have the upper bit.

I'll fuck the wet bit.

But the

bit of sick chicken skin.

How are you?

I'll have to niggle and then pass over.

Okay, fair enough.

Yeah, okay.

Well, I'll suck the bottom off the chicken.

We did say we hope we wouldn't feel sick.

Yeah.

I feel awful.

I don't think you'll feel sick.

George Clooney's not sticking them out for a minute.

If he's seeing that going on, he's going to be out the door.

And I get that.

And what else is with the roast?

Because you've done a clever thing here, picking the roast as your main, because we're going to come to side dish in a minute.

But included in a Sunday roast is side dishes.

Yeah.

So what else is with the your dream roast

so I'm a side dish woman I love side dishes and often if a restaurant has a side dish woman she is a side dishwoman thank you she orders multiple side dishes she's a poppin-on-head and a side dish woman

I understand

yeah is it arrogant to say stuff like that no no no that's not what we're laughing at it's that it it's it's how easily these just roll off the tongue with you so funny I'm a popping on heads first of all and uh also I'm a side dishwoman so it sounds like I've said it loads yes it does it sounds like that's how you identify and how you've always thought and you've gone through life saying that out loud loads and not looked at anyone's reaction when you've said it yeah there you go that's not a sorry

love yeah yeah yeah yeah oh I'll have another one I'm a poppa-dom head of course anyway I'm a mushy pee aholic

so yeah in a restaurant I'd offer if the if I can tell the side dishes are amazing and that I think the mains will pale I'll just have side dishes yeah

I think that's a good idea I can't do that why

sounds weird, but I think I should be able to do it because I think it's a good idea.

Here's another thing that illustrates my attitude to food is that when I once went to Venice and, you know,

the food was just a lot of gluten and I chose the fun of the restaurants and the ambiance and everything and just got like beans and potatoes on the side.

It didn't bother me at all.

Yeah.

I just had nice evenings.

I'm a side dish girl.

Yeah.

So we're just having a lot of sides and my mum will do a lot of vegetables.

So obviously peas peas in their pure form.

Of course, yeah, yeah, the in many ways, the chickens are the sides of the peas.

And I will keep coming back for more peas.

Like, everyone's finished eating, and I'm just still at the peas.

Because, in case you've forgotten, listener, Amy's little, but she can pack it in.

She can pack it in.

She's little, but she can pack it in.

Keep on getting those peas.

Just keep the bowl near you.

I know my brother's talking to touch it, but he doesn't like peas.

Not a pee fan.

He's not a pea fan.

Oh.

And with gravy and some salt.

Yeah.

Gravy and the peas.

Yeah, pull the gravy on the peas.

Okay.

Gluten-free gravy.

Yeah.

Brussels sprouts.

Yeah.

She'll roast them with coconut oil.

It tastes fantastic.

And red cabbage, probably.

Yeah.

With some apple in there.

I really like it.

Oh,

my mum does.

That's excellent to cook.

I haven't finished.

Oh, she's the best.

She's the best.

She's the best.

Sorry, I thought you were coconut.

She makes this thing called melanger, and it's like aubergine.

How does she do that?

Melanger.

Yeah, I think I'm pronouncing it right.

With a bit of white wine and a pan, she just simmers it for ages with herbs.

She does this other thing.

It's called, oh, it's got another foreign name.

It's like grated

courgette that's like baked in the oven with some egg white.

Oh, flavor tone.

All this is on the side of the roast chicken.

Yeah, I mean, she's not done that many before.

Yeah.

But it's dream restaurant.

It's dream restaurant.

So you don't even need the chicken.

I'd happily just live off that.

So Arna, do you want this chicken or not?

Or do you just want a collection of sides?

Maybe let's just do the sides because then we don't have to make anything an alien.

Then I don't have to.

Yeah, you don't have to

make anything an aliens.

I don't have to suck the bottom off anything.

Yeah.

George Cloody could happily watch now.

Yeah.

Yeah, he's staying.

We'll just go with all those sides.

And then, are we taking a side order or are we just doing loads of sides?

I think I'll take a side order on top of that, because your your mains are all those sides.

Your main is all those side dishes that you'd normally have for a roast dinner.

Yeah.

Yeah.

And then your your side dish is something else.

I think that's fair enough.

Yeah, I think that's fair enough.

Well, I've already had chicken, I mean, spinach for the starter.

So I can't go down that road again.

Maybe roast potatoes.

Interesting that you didn't include that with the sides.

Yeah.

Very interesting.

Normally that'd be the first ones to be included in the middle.

But you got Melanger before you hit roast potatoes.

I truly forgot about this.

Melanger got a look in first.

Melanger's.

The aubergine's chuffed for itself.

Yeah.

Years of being ignored before roast potatoes.

Then it thought it had a look in it, and it turned out it was a sexy emoji.

Oh, yeah.

It was a that's not why I like it.

No, no.

I should have said at the top, the melanger emoji.

That's how you know.

Yeah.

I think this guy wants to come over and have some melanger.

Yeah.

It was similar.

Be right over.

I can't wait for my melon.

Oh, my God.

Is that what people do?

Just text the

aubergine emoji and come over.

I don't know if they just immediately go over.

I don't.

He's coming round.

That looks like the bat signal.

But like,

I think

it's definitely the only emoji that currently exists for a boner.

Mine doesn't look like that.

No?

No.

James?

Huh?

James?

I don't.

Not that to kiss and tell.

No.

I'm a big kiss of my own dick.

Yeah.

Sorry.

That sounded like it.

He's good to know that.

Yeah.

Would that you could.

Oh, if I could.

If it's not like an old machine, then I could.

Yeah.

I'll be smoothing it all the time.

Melanger.

You'd be melanger by the end of the day.

Melanger.

So roast potatoes.

As your side.

As your side.

Yeah, but do you know what?

With roast potatoes, I have a weird eating habit with them.

Like, I don't like the powdery shit inside.

Like, the powdery potato bores me.

You don't like the potato.

I like the edge.

So for your side dish.

In this scenario, you would like us only to give you the outside of the potatoes and completely take that the middle fluff out.

If you can gut it, that's good, but otherwise I will.

Yeah.

I mean, that sounds like a threat.

Yeah.

No, we can do that.

That's a dream restaurant.

We wouldn't let you do that yourself.

We will roast you some very crispy potatoes and then we will cut all the edges off and that's what we'll give you.

Thank you.

It's like potato skins, isn't it?

Yeah, but crispier, right?

Yeah, crispy.

Sort of like chips.

Crisp up.

Yeah.

Or poppadums.

Yeah, or popadum.

Yeah, a bit like poppadoms.

Absolutely.

So that's good.

So you've got the sides from the roast dinner and you've got the sides of the roast potato.

That's how much of a side guy guy you are it's a side of a side hey i'm gonna say this now this is the meal of a psychopath

yes yeah yeah i feel dreadful

but i i think i knew i would like my friend nathan once said that the food i eat makes him feel sick like people have commented before people do comment on my eating habits right quite a bit and i get self-conscious like my old roommate would always say well can i just look at what's going on in the bowl and I'd say no keep your eyes out and she always looked and then her mum came over and she started looking wise eating it was mayhem what what stuff that you were eating at the time did they not approve of and did they not like what was in the bowl I can't remember but it was

let's look in the bowl and you were like keep your eyes out I was freelance at the time so I was always buying stuff and putting it in the fridge and then mixing it up

okay now you being freelance there's absolutely no relevance to putting things in a bowl and mixing them up that's not an excuse you know we're freelance i've never thought, oh, fucking

another day of being freelance, time to mix everything I've got in the fruit in a big bowl.

Okay, Ed.

I see your approach.

I'd just go down Sainsbury's or wherever I was, and I'd buy hummus, and I'd buy lentils, and I'd buy spinach, cook up some brown rice, olives.

Are they all in the same bowl?

Just stir it up.

Sauerkraut.

Right.

Peppers.

Cheese.

I don't know.

Put it.

And then I would just be, I'd get creative, I let it happen, and then I don't want you guys looking at it.

I'm private.

Yeah, you don't want anyone's eyes in that bowl.

That sounds like an absolute mess.

Does it not sound tasty?

Oh, I'd eat it, but in a private moment.

You don't want anyone to see that.

Right, yeah, it's a private meal.

Yeah, it's a private meal.

Yeah, it sounds like crazy poke.

Yeah.

What does that mean?

Yay, poke.

The poke bowls.

Yeah, if you've got brown rice and then you've got all this other stuff and you're just putting them all in a bowl together.

Yeah, yeah.

It kind of sounds like a similar thing to poke.

Freelance Poke.

Freelance Poke, yeah.

Where you're just like, whatever you can get your hands on, and then it all goes in a bowl with the brown rice.

That's not part of my dream meal.

That's just my reality.

No, yeah, that's the freelance reality.

Yeah, yeah.

When you register as self-employed with HMRC, you just send them a picture of your big mix-up bowl.

Yeah.

And they go, yeah.

But it's blood because I don't want them to see it.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

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Terms apply.

So your drink?

Yeah.

This will be interesting.

Will it?

Well,

I'm expecting it to be like, I would like a pint of beer, but only the froth.

That sounds good, a little smaller.

You're just like, just the froth on its own.

Yeah.

And you'll be like it filtered so that all the bad stuff comes out of it.

Yeah.

Charcoal at the bottom.

Just some pure water

at the end.

I am a froth fan because.

There you go.

There you go.

A froth fan.

A froth fan.

A froth fan.

A sideswoman.

And a poppadum head.

And a pop-a-dom head.

I used to work in a

in a cafe.

And

you know, when you get a compliment and it goes to your head, you guys do it.

Yeah.

Yeah, look, look at all what we're doing.

Absolutely.

You've had a few compliments in the time.

I would make the coffees and the cappuccinos, and I got really good at frothing, like really good.

And everyone was complimenting me about it.

And so I started frothing more and more and more.

So that it was like

some coffee, loads of froth.

But the froth would be like half the drink in the cup and then towering above so I'd have to carry it and no one could drink it.

And they'd always comment, gosh, it's a lot of froth.

And I'd be like, thank you.

And I'd leave.

And then because I didn't drink frappuccinos, they're not for me.

So I didn't know

that.

That's not what you want.

I just kept giving them.

That's what you found your calling.

Yeah.

So yeah, to froth it up.

Thank you.

And if someone ordered a latte, I'd always be a bit disappointed.

Do you remember when we did footlights and I wrote a whole sketch about

coffee and everyone's orders in it?

None of the references were anything anyone else had noticed.

It was just things.

It's just for me.

Yeah, you played a

coffee lady.

Yeah.

It wasn't very funny.

I loved it.

So I do like froth, but I'm not ordering it tonight.

Because I think it'd just be a red wine, a very rich one.

If I go somewhere with a nice cocktail menu, I'll peruse it because I know you must, but I just want a red wine, a nice red wine.

Right, yeah, yeah.

I still fall for it.

A cocktail menu.

Yeah.

But last night, I ordered that cocktail and it was fine, but I wasn't blue.

It was blue.

It was blue.

It was very blue for a drink.

It was bright blue.

And I feel like it should have said on the menu it was bright blue.

I did say it had blue curacao.

I did say it had blue curacao in it.

Oh,

I didn't put two and two together there.

Wasn't it margarita?

Yeah.

Yeah, it was like a riff on a margarita, but it had a, it was blue.

It looked like toilet duck.

It did look like toilet duck.

When it arrived, I just doesn't taste good.

No, no.

Nope.

That's a job.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Hey, what's a freelance gown going to do?

Clean a loop.

Clean a loot?

I don't know what you mean by that.

I thought you were insinuating that you had drunk toilet duck before.

No, no, no, no, no.

I have bad taste, but I have not.

If you drink toilet duck, you end up making the toilet more dirty.

Yeah, you should duck it yourself.

Yeah.

Doesn't make any sense.

I thought, don't get rude, Amy.

Just because you're talking about food, it's not going to get rude.

No, food doesn't have to be rude.

um a lovely red wine a lovely red wine and I broke I had dry January I did dry January I broke it for Brexit out solidarity with my country yeah and I was really happy to get back on the red wine when you say you broke it for Brexit that was the 31st of January well like it Brexit was like 11 p.m.

so I thought oh just because I started it in London so I actually did the full 31 days yeah to the hour yeah that's good yeah um how often will you have a lovely red wine what do you mean of a week week?

Over week.

Is it just with meals out or?

No, I don't know.

Sometimes I think maybe I should work it out to see if I drink too much.

But just with friends.

I don't drink on them.

No, I wouldn't drink on my own.

But I would drink if I had people over or with my family or whatever.

But someone told me that it stops you from sleeping.

So...

And I do sleep badly sometimes when I've been drinking.

So I try to switch to whiskey.

But you have to know a lot about whiskey to drink it.

Do you think?

Yeah, because they ask you which one do you want, and you can't say

full-bodied one from this local.

I think with anything, you just get one you like and then you sound impressive when you ask for it.

Maybe I just need to do that.

Yeah.

Do you like scotch?

Do you like bourbon?

I don't know yet.

Oh, right, okay.

Whatever whiskey it is I have, I notice and go, oh, that is different to the one I had before.

And then I immediately forget.

And I immediately forget.

Yeah.

Yes, okay.

Yeah, I've done that because I did whiskey tasting and I went to one of those places in Tennessee where they like take you through it.

Very boring.

Very, very, very boring.

It was the thing to do there.

Yeah.

But it was so dull.

Was it like, you know, the Jack Daniels adverse when they talked for a really long time

stories about old Jack?

Yes, yeah.

There's a lot of story behind it.

And like, it all sounds really delicious, like oak paneled and aged and stuff and smoking.

I would be like, even though my brain would be going, this is so boring.

The other half of my brain would be going, oh, we're interesting.

That's really trying to get on board.

I went on a tour of the Brooklyn Brewery.

Yeah.

And the lady, this is so good.

The lady had her eyes shut for most of the talk.

What do you mean?

She was talking to us about Brooklyn, about the Brooklyn Brewery.

I don't know how long she'd been there, but she had her eyes shut and she was just going, I'm just going to get this out the way now.

I don't like beer.

And she must have mentioned that like four or five times that she didn't like beer.

She's like, but you guys like beer.

That's why you're here.

This is how we make it.

Unbelievable.

She did not give a shit about beer.

Why was she working there?

She's got to get a job.

She'd be a great guest.

Yeah.

You've got to get her on the pod.

Yeah, yeah.

Get her on the pod.

But that's fine.

The tour is like 10, 15 minutes, and then there's a bar.

That's what you want.

You just want to drink it, right?

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

A bit of preamble.

Yeah, yeah.

Four play.

This is the opposite of this podcast, like quite torturous for people.

Making people talk about food they like and then going, see ya.

Goodbye.

You've got nothing at the end.

No one's got anything.

I didn't.

You guys didn't even come on a drink or anything.

No.

You're very.

You bought cake stuff?

You bought cake dresses.

So inconsiderately bought you something you can't eat.

That's not, it's fine.

But you did know that, Ed.

Yeah,

I bought them for the whole day for the guests.

But can you eat that?

Yeah, I've eaten one.

Gave some insulin.

Okay.

You know that, Amy.

Yeah, but

you'd break it if it's really good, right?

So it must be something you wanted.

That's good.

This is from Milk Bar, cake truffles from Milk Bar.

Absolutely delicious.

I would like to eat that.

Oh, we've got some.

We've got either.

That'd be like a good episode.

Yeah.

If you just popped a trough.

Then.

Oh, you don't want to know.

What would happen?

Well, I would get ill.

Yeah.

Would you like, how explosive would it be?

What noise would you make?

It's more sick.

It's more vomiting.

Okay.

Talking about bodily reactions.

Okay.

Last night you told me something

about what you and your family do now that I really wanted you to tell James because I thought he'd enjoy it.

Don't throw me under the bus like that because the reason we got onto the topic of it was that we were talking about how, because I was saying I'm worried about coming on the podcast tomorrow.

I'm not a foodie.

I think it's me a dot-up.

And then I was saying I can't even pretend to be cool because Ed knows me and we've spent so much time together.

And then I was explaining how I know everything that Ed eats.

Like, I heard a rumor that you'd gone vegan, and I thought, why didn't I know that?

Like, I didn't like.

Yeah, I did it for a bit, but you didn't like that you.

Lucy told me I'm thinking, I didn't know that.

Yeah, so you were worried that there was something happening in my diet and you should be across my line.

I felt like, yeah.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

It felt not like a betrayal, but it was like, okay, well, we'll take that later.

And so, Edward,

we'd know each other eating.

We knew each other's routines a lot.

Normally chicken salad, by the way.

That's a gluten-free thing, yeah.

You both ate chicken salad.

We both had chicken salads a lot.

I find that humiliating.

Gone?

That's just basic as it.

And it's bad for the environment.

Tell James about your family farts.

Well, I was just going to get onto the fact that first, so you look bad first, that he would text me about his farts.

Yes.

Wow.

Hands up.

I don't remember doing this.

But you told James.

James already knew the story and I told him.

And

I don't remember that.

Explain why I did.

Corroborate me.

You told me, yeah.

So you had already told me and Benito about the time you ate so much barbecue and then you went to bed and then you farted all night long and then when you left the room you felt really bad because like you're like that's just gonna stink of farts and the feeling that's gotta go in and that's never gonna go out.

And then you told us that on the way to meeting Amy because you were telling us stories from the road of Almost Royal.

And then I was talking to you and then you were like...

You're like, oh yeah.

Ed once texted me saying how much he'd farted in his room after this barbecue and we were like, we've just been told that story.

Yeah, clearly, that's like a bad thing.

I just remember texting you about it.

You were texting me a lot, you were like live texting.

But I don't remember doing that, but you know, I hear that back about myself, and it makes me think what a great laugh I have.

Yeah, I didn't mind it.

Cards at the table, I thought this is fun, it's fun to know.

It's fun to know that you're not.

I don't mind knowing what's going on with anyone's body.

I'd love to know.

You know, we were all on the road together.

Yeah,

why not let each other know what's happening with the body?

Tell me what's going on.

We'll be all

right.

However, I'm struggling to see what this has to do with your family, Amy.

So

something that I find really funny living in America is that people think Brits are so nice and polite, and I think we're very disgusting.

And someone once told me that he thought me and our mutual friend, Sam Martin, were disgusting women because we were rebelling against our upbringing, but I was brought up disgusting.

So my family are quite gross.

You wouldn't know to meet us, but if you were to come around for Sunday dinner.

So we'll have our roast and then we'll watch a Poirot.

We'll laugh around with the cats.

We have a laugh.

Laugh about with the cats.

Yeah.

Like

we just have all sorts of

cat games.

Wait, what?

Wait, what?

Like we have one where

I get under a blanket with a cat and then we have a race to see who gets out first.

You or the cat?

Yeah.

When you say we have a lot of funny cat games, that sounds like just you or you.

Well my brother will get the black sort the blankets out.

Okay, okay, sure, sure.

Okay, yeah, yeah.

We just have fun games like feeding them stuff and

we also like hold them up to tickle them.

Like,

my brother will hold the cat up and pass it around.

We'll play with its tongue.

My whole family will just tickle it.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Okay.

And we tent them.

So, like, if we're watching TV, we'll, like, tent them.

So they...

Tent them.

Like, if you want a cat to stay on you,

these guys will stay on you.

cover them with blankets so they like call it tent them trap on me yeah yes so we're having a nice time and someone's gonna fart you know it's gonna happen because of all the red yeah,

it's mostly likely to be my brother, but it could be me and my mum.

And so, me and my brother, this new thing now, where if anybody

if anybody else farts or burps, we take credit for it.

So, if someone farts, I'd be like, I'm so sorry, everyone.

Because it's very, very disconcerting to have someone take credit for something that's disgusting that you've just done.

And it's as though you're like showing off.

So, if someone burps, I'll now automatically be like, hey, sorry sorry about that.

That was me.

It's just a game.

It's a game.

Yeah.

And your whole family does it now?

We just started it this Christmas, and me and my brother couldn't believe how funny we found that.

Like, that is unbelievably weird to do that.

And then we were just playing around with it.

I got back here, told a few people.

Yeah.

And then it's taken off.

And now it's, yeah, it's taken off.

It's the hottest craze in America.

It's so funny to me someone doing that, particularly me.

Like, you wouldn't think that I would

don't take credit for your fart.

It's one of my favourite sentences on the podcast.

It's so funny to me the idea of someone doing that, particularly me.

Yeah.

I regret everything I've said already.

Everything.

That means it's been a good episode.

We're coming to your dessert now.

Oh, what was that noise?

It's just difficult being gluten-free.

Yeah, sure.

My friend Leo calls me gluty.

Sorry?

Gluticutie.

His wife's also gluten-intolerant.

So he calls his wife a gluty as well.

A gluty-cutie.

A gluty-cutie.

A gluty-cutie, yeah.

I'm glad he calls his wife a gluty-cutie.

Yeah.

Because it would be awful if he called you a gluty-clutie.

And not his wife.

Gluty-gluty-cutie.

Gluty-gluty-cutie, but not his wife.

Yeah.

Yeah, and she was gluten-intolerant.

Right.

Yeah, yeah.

She would then immediately get suspicious.

Yeah, you're like, yeah, that's it.

Why is she a gluty cutie?

Yeah, I'm not a gluty-cutie.

Why is that woman so gluty-gC?

You shouldn't be called a gluty-cutie though, because you can't have gluty.

There's a problem with it.

Yeah.

You should be a non-gluty gluty cutie.

Well, we'll go back and say that.

Yeah.

I don't like this guy.

Well,

literally just met him.

Huh?

You just met him.

Oh, well, that explains it.

He didn't make a good first impression either in that room.

I was like, this guy seems like the kind of guy who gives

nicknames that need over-explaining.

Or just don't make sense.

Yeah, nonsense.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

So he's a drunk.

I'm going to have it out with him after this.

Do it.

Go in there.

Put it in the middle if you want.

He's a gluty-cutie now.

And he's going to love it.

So, your dessert.

Not a gluten-based dessert.

No.

No.

I would go for...

Can you say something generic, like a gluten-free this?

You can say whatever you want.

Because often gluten-free stuff's usually bad, but if they, but some desserts work better if it's like almond flour, like a brownie that's really nice.

Yeah, so I would probably just have a gluten-free brownie.

Call it a day.

With almond flour.

Yeah.

Call it a day.

With almond flour, yeah.

You know what does really great desserts but reflects really badly on me?

Go on.

This restaurant called Cafe Gratitude in LA I know I know it's bad.

It's had shout outs on the podcast before.

It's hell but I'll never go to LA and not go there.

Because it's fun.

It's a laugh.

And the food is good for me.

So be honest with me.

So this you're saying it's fun, it's a laugh because they make you do all that thing saying like I am grateful or whatever to order the thing.

Do you think that's fun and a laugh or are you using that as a defense mechanism for the fact you actually really like it and the ethos behind it?

Yeah, you got me.

This is the thing, is that I find it with a lot.

I'm not saying this about you.

Okay.

But there's definitely a lot of Brits who move to LA or and they actually really get into it.

But because we're British, we feel that we have to be apologetic about it.

And I don't like it.

It's really stupid.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Stupid actually.

And then you go, do you love it?

Yeah, I love saying it.

I love it.

I love saying it.

I am powerful, please.

Or whatever.

Yeah, and then they ask you the question of the day, and you do think about it.

And what sort of things do they ask you as the question of the day?

They'll be like,

what is your sense of purpose or something?

Yeah, what the fuck?

And I like, because I am already like that.

Like I have that new age hippie side to me.

But because maybe it's a British thing, I'm very cynical about it as well.

It's my ongoing tension.

What sort of desserts do they do there?

They'll just do a lot.

Everything's gluten-free and it's a lot of like

cake, but it's like chocolate and nuts and shit like that and coconut or whatever.

I can't remember a specific one, but I remember going and just with a lot of people and ordering all of the desserts and eating all of them.

And then I saw Alicia Silverstone and she smiled at us.

It was like really the best moment of my life.

Well, we can make that happen in the dream restaurant.

Yeah, I'd love it.

She smiled at the end.

So we can get you a coconut,

nut, and chocolate cake from

Cafe Grassitude.

And then Alicia Silverstone's going to walk in.

She's going to breeze past Clooney.

Yeah.

And she's going to smile at you.

Flick him the rod.

You're still waiting to get in.

Yeah.

Poor guy.

Poor guy.

Yeah.

James was really worried, I could tell.

Why are we worried?

Because of everything else that says.

Dessert's my favourite course.

Is it?

And yeah, I know that you can't eat a lot of desserts.

I was worried that we were going down a more savory route for the dessert and then I was going to have to cry.

I would never eat like cheese for dessert or anything like that.

Yeah, stupid, isn't it?

I love it.

I don't.

I mean, it's just a main course.

Yep.

It's not a main course, is it?

Have a bit of cheese for a main course.

Well, I don't know.

I had mainly cheese for lunch.

And a cracker.

And mushy peas, of course.

And mushy peas.

I dare to dream, dare to dream.

And I need your order back to you now.

Oh, dear.

I mean, it's mad.

It sounds, it's disgusting.

That's more normal.

Oh, bear in mind, this is all going to be.

This is all going to be put in a bowl and mixed up.

Yes, put it in a bowl, but do not look at what's in.

No, keep your eyes off it.

Eyes off my bowl.

Filtered still water.

Popadoms.

Can I get lemon in my water?

Yes.

Thank you.

Do you want me to filter the lemon?

Not tonight.

Popadoms.

Sard Paneer as your starter.

Main course.

course.

Here we go.

Just the Sunday roast sides.

No meat.

So you want peas, sprouts, red cabbage, apple, milanger, or whatever it was.

Courget gravy.

Gluten-free gravy.

Side dish.

The outsides of roast potatoes.

None of that, whatever you said earlier.

Fluffy stuff inside.

Fluffy stuff inside.

Potato.

Fluffy riddle.

Potato.

A rich red wine to drink yeah for a while and your dessert you would like uh well you did say gluten-free brownie and then it changed to a coconut and chocolate cake

cake yeah but i thought i was trying to incorporate all the things but thank you would you like a gluten-free brownie though at cafe gratitude at cafe gratitude with yeah yeah silverstone smiling at you yeah honestly i know i sound like a horrible woman but it sounds delicious well that's what it should do to you it's exactly and it's exact like everyone who knows me oh my god will know that's

that is what you would like.

That's eat.

It's fucking crazy.

The main course is absolutely bad.

It's not.

The main course on the side is...

Oh, it is.

The only comparable menu was Lou Sanders.

Yes, Lou cooks well.

She makes so much brown mush and she always apologises.

She's vegan.

Lentils,

sweets, everything mushed together.

And she always apologises.

And it tastes like heaven to me, but I know I'm the only one who likes it other than her.

She made a vegan pizza once when we were over at her flat, and it tasted like tomato cake.

Yep, it might have been.

That might be the vegan.

It was rubbish.

I would definitely like it.

Yeah, I think you would.

Yes.

And so now you've finished your meal, you can go into the living room.

Thank you.

Play with the cats.

Oh, yeah.

Yeah.

See what happens.

Take credit for some other people's farts.

Your family are going to be in the living room.

They're all farting like goodens.

Yep.

Yeah.

Horrible to drag them as well.

So in your family, you've made whoever smelt it dealt it an actual thing.

Whoever didn't deal it dealt it.

Smeal it.

Whoever didn't deal it steals it.

Yes.

Whoever didn't, I don't know why I said smear it.

That's not.

You were helping him.

He got there because of you.

Yeah, yeah, that's a good point.

I'll take the assist on that one.

Yep, absolutely.

But between you and me, I wasn't listening to Ed.

Fair enough.

I was thinking of my own version in my head, completely blocked it out.

As far as I was concerned, he could have said it the exact same thing before me.

I didn't know what that happens a lot.

If you listen back to the podcast,

quite often I'll say something and then one minute later James will say exactly the same thing.

Typical white man.

Yeah, thank you very much.

Can I ask you a question?

Yes.

Would you eat that meal with me?

No.

I would.

I would eat it.

Joe, actually.

I would totally eat it with you.

Here's the one thing I would eat weirdly is I'd want to try the potatoes.

Yeah, the outside of the roast potatoes I'm on potatoes.

I'd just want to do it.

Because my favourite roast potatoes are the ones where they're chopped slightly too small and there's no fluffy bit in the middle.

Yeah, it's just the crisp.

Just the crisp.

So I would like to try that.

Yeah.

And.

The melanger sounds nice.

Actually, so here's the thing now, because I'm thinking

actually, I'm just an absolute hypocrite because the stuff I would like to eat is the crazy stuff that we said.

But because

you describing your mum's cooking sounded really good, the way she cooks all those vegetables.

I would like to try all that, and I'd like to try those potatoes, just asides.

And I'm not bothered about the normal stuff either side of it.

Because it's just chicken, you had chicken before.

Yeah, but like, but you know, like your starter and your dessert, like,

aren't as enticing to me.

I'm more curious to try.

When else I'm going to be able to try your mother's cooking, that sounds delicious.

You're welcome anytime.

This potato thing.

So I'm sitting here saying, oh, I'm a psychopath.

But actually, those middle ones are my favourite ones.

I feel like I've converted you

to the dark side.

Oh, no.

Yeah.

The dark side of the Aubergin.

One tin of mushy peas, please.

I can't believe mushy peas weren't on my menu.

Well, you...

Peas were, yeah, peas were.

Well, amused bouche.

I think we'd love to come to your mum's house and try the menanger.

And to let her know that, I'm going to text her the Aubergin emoji right now.

Definitely do that, but leave straight after you've eaten.

Yeah, yeah.

If I just stay over, you're going to be claiming a lot of credit for me.

Oh my god, he'll be texting me there.

He's been fighting.

I'll be saying that was me.

Thanks so much, Amy.

Thanks for having me.

And there we have it.

Wow.

The odd off-menu meal of of Amy Hoggart.

Odd, but she won us round in the end.

I mean, you know.

She did.

Those crispy potatoes sound good, man.

Yeah, I've got to admit it.

At the end of the day, I can stand around and be like, ha ha ha.

But.

You would eat it.

They're the ones.

That's the stuff I wanted to eat.

Yeah, there we go.

I wanted to eat the veg.

I wanted to eat the potatoes.

And most importantly, she got through the whole meal because she didn't say bitter melon.

She didn't say bitter melon.

She didn't say bit off melon.

No.

It went very well.

It didn't come up, even though she was at the meal last night.

So

there was a high chance of the night.

The meal last night came up.

yeah she could have been like i'll tell you what i loved at that yeah i'd like to chuck into this we skirted very close there but she did not say the secret ingredient um if you like the cut of amy's jib she's got lots of stuff available for you to watch if you're in america uh her new show it's personal with amy hogger is out now on true tv also get on youtube uh look at her correspondent pieces for uh full frontal uh they are excellent and very very funny and also if you like me as well why not check out almost royal because there's two seasons seasons.

It's very silly.

We're very happy with it.

I love it.

James loves it.

He's watched it.

I love it.

I watched it.

Sue me.

I don't want to sue you.

I'm happy you watched it.

Thank you very much.

So, yeah, this is a great episode, especially if you're a pop-up dumb head.

Yeah, or a side woman.

Yeah, side dish woman as a side woman's a bitch.

A side woman's.

The only lady you have an affair with.

Yes, yeah.

Amy is not that.

Side dish, fine.

But not if you're referring to a woman as a side dish.

Yes.

Strictly speaking.

Food-wise.

Good, good stuff.

Yeah.

We're going to carry on having a lovely time in New York, aren't we?

Interviewing more people.

We are.

I want Italian food tonight, James.

Benito looks, he's raised his eyebrows, he's nodding his head.

Benito's very hungry.

Yeah.

I know he's got an Italian name, so they're all welcome there.

I'm also slightly concerned because I think you're very tired right now, James.

Yes.

And

I want to go somewhere close to the hotel so you can then pass out.

I can rest my little head.

Yeah.

Yes, probably.

Yeah.

Good idea.

Poppably.

Huh?

Poppa dom.

Is that what they'll say?

Poppably?

Probably.

Do they say say poppably?

And then listen back to it.

Actually, he'll cut himself a lot earlier than this.

Oh, it'd be insane if he carried it ongoing for this long.

Well, thank you very much.

Thank you very much for listening to the Off Menu podcast.

We will be back very soon with a new special guest and a new lovely menu.

Gobble, gobble, gobble.

Gobble.

Gobble yourself off.

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Hello, I'm Carrie Add.

I'm Sarah.

And we are the Weirdos Book Club podcast.

We are doing a very special live show as part of the London Podcast Festival.

The date is Thursday, 11th of September.

The time is 7pm.

And our special guest is the brilliant Alan Davies.

Tickets from kingsplace.co.uk.

Single ladies is coming to London.

True on Saturday, the 13th of September.

At the London Podcast Festival.

The rumours are true Saturday, the 13th of September At King's Place.

Oh, that sounds like a date to me, Harriet.