Ep 67: Aparna Nancherla

Hello, it's Ed Gamble here from the Off Menu Podcast.

Hello, it's James A.

Caster here from the Off Menu Podcast.

And before the episode starts, we'd like to talk to you about All Our Relations, a non-profit co-founded by your friend of mine, comedian Jen Brister, and Georgia Takax.

Yes, All Our Relations was originally started to support 15 families in Gaza when the genocide started, but now supports 21 families and funds several mutual aid projects, including two seven-day food kitchens and two mobile food parcel delivery schemes, as well, feeding hundreds of families in Gaza every single day.

They've created an absolutely amazing thing.

And we feel like, you know, it's the off-menu podcast.

We talk about food and we are very lucky to eat wonderful food and have access to absolutely brilliant food all of the time.

And I think we need to talk about people who have access to no food, James.

Absolutely.

So if people would like to donate, please go to allourrelations.co.uk or look at the links in Jen Brister's bio on Instagram.

Every penny raised goes to supporting people in Gaza.

Thank you so much and enjoy the episode.

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And I would recommend poking the top of this podcast with a spoon to let some of the steam out because it's so hot.

Welcome to the Off Menu Podcast.

Ed Gamble there, talking into a microphone.

My name is James Acaster.

Yes, that's right.

I talk into the microphone.

That is the bare minimum of what I do.

This is the Off Menu Podcast.

It's a food podcast, but we ask a special guest.

Their favourite ever starter main course, dessert, side dish, and drink.

Yes.

And this week's guest is...

A pardon and

thank you.

Got in there first.

She is a wonderful comedian, writer, actor.

She's a triple threat.

So good.

We're so lucky to have her on the podcast.

We're very excited.

However, if she does say a secret ingredient, which is an ingredient we do not like, we'll be forced to chuck Apana out of the dream restaurant.

She will be out of here.

And the secret ingredient this week is

mead.

Mead.

Ah.

Tis many an evening I have been heavy with mead.

Yep.

Ed's been speaking like this a lot.

We've been playing the card game in the evenings that Benito brought with him to LA, which is where we are right now.

We're in Los Angeles.

We're in Los Angeles and we've been in America.

A medieval card game in the evenings.

Yep, called Love Letters, and we've been playing that.

And when we play Love Letters, which is when you're trying to get a love letter to the princess,

Ed keeps putting on a voice of a noble knight, I guess, from medieval times.

And he says about being heavy with mead.

And I'm so sick of it, I've made it the secret ingredient.

After a long day on the battlefield, one must crack the breastplate, loosen the straps, and become heavy with meat.

It's really disturbing how easily it rolls off the tongue with him.

He's not prepared any of this.

He just immediately speaks like a knight.

Doesn't have to think about it.

Sire, let your chain mail drop to the floor.

Tonight.

Yeah.

He's laughing at himself now.

Just really laughing about it.

Try it at home.

Try and get through a whole sentence and just speak like a knight and see how difficult it actually is.

And then be really amazed at how easily it comes to

every time.

You okay there, buddy?

Madam, your bosom is heaving.

Okay, well.

Meet me in the barn for a roll in the hay.

My squire will wait outside and make sure Dothlady does not catch us.

See,

imagine that for a week.

Imagine this for a whole week.

I know your corset befuddles you, but one

slip of the sword, the whole thing will pop off.

I mean, I guess I've been pretending to be a genie for a long time.

He needs a thing.

He's now being a knight.

Aye.

Maybe it will become a regular part of the podcast.

We'll see.

This is the off-menu feast of Apana Nanchella.

Welcome, Apana, to the Dream Restaurant.

Thank you so much.

Wow.

Welcome, Apana Nantella, to the Dream Restaurant.

Wow.

It's so nice to be here.

Would you like an amuse bouche?

Yes.

What are we having tonight?

Oh.

Oh, see, this is what...

It's a new addition to the format that James gives an amuse bouche to the guests, but he always tries to think of it on the hoof, and he's clearly.

Fondue cheese.

Okay.

Ooh.

No dips.

Just the dip.

Just the dip.

Just the melted cheese.

No things to put in it.

Yeah, no, whatever they're called.

Candidates.

Candidates?

Candidates.

No, though.

Crudetés.

Crudetés.

Did you really think they were called?

They were candidate to be dipped.

I don't know.

I don't know why I said that.

I panicked.

I panicked.

I like candidate.

It makes it sound like you're accomplishing important work.

Yeah, right?

Yeah.

Yeah.

Or you're not going to select all of them to dip.

Right.

You've got, but they all need to make their cases to be used as the

different thing.

Yeah.

Yeah.

What can you usually dip in cheese?

Bread,

vegetables,

meats?

Meats.

Yeah, meats, maybe.

Fondue is great.

I mean, I love fondue.

I went to Switzerland once, and in the hotel, they had fondue night.

But you start with the cheese fondue.

Yeah.

Then it was the meat fondue, which is just like hot oil, and you dip

raw meat in there.

And then chocolate fondue for dessert.

Hello.

That's when I arrived.

Oh, yeah.

That's when I wake up.

It was actually too much fondue.

It was?

Yeah.

I think after the cheese fondue, I was like, I'd like something solid now.

Right.

It's so rich.

Yeah.

We're not built for richness, too much of it.

No.

Do you think it's a class thing?

Yeah, maybe it is.

What class would you say you are, Ed?

Middle class.

You can handle some richness, though.

Yeah, I can handle some richness.

It depends on how we divide in the classes within the classes.

Oh, that's true.

So you're saying upper middle class?

Yeah, I guess so.

Yeah, probably then.

Yeah, I think I am too upper middle.

Yeah.

I don't really know.

And don't get me wrong, I'm completely ashamed of it.

Oh, yes.

That's part of

our identity.

He carries his shame with pride.

Oh, right.

Okay.

I carry my shame with pride.

I'm proud of my shame.

Yes.

Yeah.

So, now we're talking about fondue, and it's all I want to talk about.

Sorry, yeah, yeah, yeah.

Oh, yeah.

Now, I'm quite excited about it.

But, like, of those three fondus that Ed mentioned there, how many have you tried?

I think I've tried all three because I've gone to a fondue restaurant.

Yeah.

And those are the three courses.

But I'm i'm a vegetarian so i don't remember what the meat course what i did for that course put tofu in the maybe

skewer tofu is it yeah oh no you can skew it firm it just has to be firm right you have to get some firm tofu you're not skewing a silken tofu no that's a disaster that's going to be slipping all over the plate that you can escape you

yeah it just feels like you're eating a live animal at that point yeah yeah you could dip something in silken tofu yeah the tofu itself could then be the fondu maybe we found the fourth fondu Also vegan cheese would kind of like lend itself to

being quite fondue.

Yeah, because it's very plasticky.

I think vegan cheese has really made a stronger case for itself lately.

It's a better candidate.

Yeah, exactly.

It used to be really an underdog.

Oh, absolutely.

Yeah.

Wouldn't go anywhere near it.

And an underdog nobody was rooting for me.

Yeah, yeah.

Yeah, not like the Jamaican Bobs led to it.

Right, right, right, right.

No.

No, exactly.

I don't know what made it change its tune.

Sure.

Well, suddenly they realize there's actually money in making good vegan foods.

Right, right, right, right, right.

But for a while, it was like, who cares?

Who cares?

Have that, you stupid veg.

Now it's like, oh, actually.

Yeah.

We can really...

These vegans have got some money to throw around.

Yeah, yeah.

That must be what it is.

Yeah, yeah.

Like, I don't know.

In LA, do you have like late-night, like, healthy places?

Because in the UK, I always think there'd be a big

gap in the market is like late night healthy food.

You can't think of it.

I feel like all the healthy places close at reasonable hours.

Right, yeah, yeah.

I suppose, but who really wants healthy food past 10 p.m.?

Me, yeah.

You're the one who goes to McDonald's and gets the bag of carrots, but it's literally just you.

I listened to that episode.

It is just you, I think.

I think it's I like carrots, but something about getting them in a little bag is very sad.

Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah.

I don't feel happy when I'm doing it.

The baby, what, like baby carrots in a little bit?

Yeah, in that little plastic bag.

Like, even if you got something about a clear bag

is inherently

discouraging.

Yeah.

I sort of know.

And the babies as well, and there's like a few of them.

It's like you found like an abandoned litter of kids.

Yes.

Yes.

I don't know why.

I feel the same way about the airport when like an apple is saran wrapped.

Yes.

Why is it so sad?

Oh, I mean, that is, yeah, that is never going to be a good apple.

No.

Individually sold apples in saran wrap are going to.

I bought apples from like convenience stores before when they're like by themselves.

And when you bite into them, it's like eating a snowball.

Yeah.

They just fall apart in your hands.

Is saran wrap like cling film?

Cling film, yes.

Yes.

It's called cling film.

Cling film.

Kling film.

This is so clingy.

Yeah, it's clingy.

I got a sandwich once from a a place in a little little stall in Suffolk Station, outside Suffolk tube station, and he'd wrapped it in cling film, and I unwrapped it, and it was just like covered in so much oil.

Like you just got the sandwich, it was like a ham salad sandwich and just dunked it in a vat of olive oil, and it was the most delicious sandwich ever.

That was really a twist at the end.

Absolutely loved it.

I was chomping it down, so excited about it.

I thought I'm going to go to that place all the time.

But here's the real twist: it was never there again.

That guy was never there selling sandwiches again.

I've never seen him since.

That burnt down 50 years ago.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Maybe he was a ghost sandwich.

He's a ghost sandwich.

That guy died in an oil fire.

Oh, no.

Everything was covered in oil.

He was tempting fate a little bit, I guess, that guy.

So much dunking.

It was literally like he'd just gone bloop into a meat fondue, maybe.

Maybe into a meat fondue.

Yeah, maybe.

Oh, that'd be quite a nice sandwich to have.

This has been dipped in fondue.

Oh, yeah.

Do you guys have French dip sandwiches?

Ah.

Okay.

Now, we don't really.

It's more of a thing here, isn't it?

I mean, I don't even know.

I'm a vegetarian, but my boyfriend loves them.

It's like a sandwich you dip in a sort of, I guess like a fondue.

Yeah, yeah, in like meat juice, basically, isn't it?

Yeah.

Yeah.

There's a place called Dip and Flip in Battersea that I think does the French dip sandwich.

Dip and flip.

Dip and flip.

Yeah.

Do you like

names like that?

Rhyming names?

Yeah,

I'm I'm a sucker for a rhyming name and a pun name.

Yeah.

I don't know if it'll necessarily get my business, but I'll see it on the street and I will nod at it.

Yeah, yeah.

Give it a nod.

We always start off with still or sparkling on the podcast.

Water, by the way.

I normally say still or sparkling water.

That time I nearly didn't.

Not fondue.

Yeah.

I'm not offering you a fizzy fondue.

Oh, if you are.

Fizzy, a carbonated fondue.

I'm gonna say sparkling water.

Lovely.

I've really gotten into seltzer.

I don't know.

Is there a difference between sparkling water and seltzer?

I can't tell.

So, yeah, we weren't really that familiar with seltzer until this trip.

We're new to the world of seltzer.

Yeah.

Oh, okay.

I've gone hog wild for it and

drunk quite a lot of it.

Yeah.

And I would say it's not as lively as sparkling water.

I don't find it that's not like, whoa, you know, this is fizzy.

Yeah.

Okay.

It's, it's not, so it's not a party in your mouth.

It's more of a gathering in your mouth.

Yeah.

A somber gathering.

Yeah.

It's a wake.

It's a bit of a wake.

Yeah.

For an actual fizzy drink.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Yeah.

Excelsior really took off here because people are like, oh, it's like flavors, but no calories.

Right, yes.

Yeah.

But then, but then I recently read an article that said it might be bad for your teeth.

Right, yeah.

I really felt betrayed.

But it's always going to be the case, guys.

We've always got to accept now anytime people say this is good for you,

there's a catch.

Right.

Yeah.

Right.

There's something hanging around the corner that's like, oh, actually, it's also, it's bad for your teeth or, you know, it gives you some awful disease later down.

Like Diet Coke is always

people always saying like,

about Diet Coke actually being bad.

It gives you all these awful diseases and you shouldn't drink it.

But then they're there, clogging the full fat one.

I don't know.

Full fat just made me think of a regular Coke as like whole milk.

Yeah.

Whole milk of Coke.

Like pools of oil on the top.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Whenever I read anything like that, like Diet Coke's bad for you now, or Seltzer's bad for you, or coffee's bad for you, I just think, I'll just start smoking again.

If that's the way we're going to.

That's true.

Yeah.

I'll just get stuck into a lovely packet of cigarettes.

What's the point?

Yeah.

Why try?

All right.

It's all bad.

Being alive is bad for you.

Always ends the same.

It's never good.

Ed, do you want to tell a partner my Diet Coke story?

Yes, James stopped drinking all caffeine

a while ago.

Yes.

And then, including Diet Coke, because that's got a caffeine in it.

And then after many years, he decided to start drinking Diet Coke again because he needed to wake himself up for something.

And because it had been so long since he drunk any Diet Coke or Coke, Diet Coke now just tastes like normal Coke to James.

Yes.

How's that for a life hack?

Now, was that story more exciting when Ed told it?

So I've told it, I've told it many times on the podcast and it always gets nothing and the guests hate it.

I thought I would try it this time with Ed telling it.

Was it better?

I think because you told him to tell it, I thought there was some element of shame

for you.

Yes.

So I was automatically invested in it.

Right, yeah.

It's a bit more like, oh.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Something's going on here.

next time I tell it, should I add a more shameful element to it?

And then he drank Diet Coke again and he immediately shit his pants.

Yeah, I do think if someone gives you permission to tell their story, you have full license to

hear from the facts.

Do what they like.

Like Tim Burton remaking Planet of the Apes.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Exactly.

Okay.

Well, he also, I liked your version of it, Ed.

It was nice, but I would say, just as some feedback,

you missed out.

You weren't as precise and specific about some details.

Like, you said, like, James has cut out all caffeine, but you didn't say, like, it was, like, how long ago it was.

It's 2013.

I usually pinpoint it.

No, I definitely made it less.

It was five years later.

Yeah.

You said some years went by.

It was five years later, and then I started drinking.

Because I bring sort of a natural element to the storytelling.

Sure.

You know, people don't care about dates and things like that.

You know, I'm more of an anecdotalist than James, and he's more of a sort of science guy.

Okay.

Apana, would you like to have a turn at telling the story?

I know you've heard it once.

Yeah.

Okay.

But you can ask me.

I can try.

I can try.

Okay.

So,

James, you stopped drinking caffeine at a time in your life when you really didn't want to be awake.

Yes.

And then

five years later,

all of your relationships started falling apart.

Professionally, you were off track.

So you decided you had to add some caffeine back to the mix and you went for Diet Coke.

The regular Coke was there for you, but you couldn't handle the impact.

Regular Coke at that point because you were weak from the lack of caffeine.

And so now Diet Coke gives you the same kick from regular Coke.

And at this point, a regular Coke might in fact kill you.

Great.

That was the best anyone's ever told.

Quite easily, the best has ever been told.

Brilliant.

Loved it.

Next time I tell it, I'm going to add some of those lines in there.

About your relationships falling apart.

Yeah, funny lines.

Yeah, yeah.

Adds depth to it.

I was more invested in the story.

Maybe because of what, you know, you live in LA, you're already plugged into, like, what do people actually want to hear?

Yeah.

It's trending.

To make people care about the character.

His relationships fell apart.

Yeah.

He was too weak at that point.

Right.

It was much better.

I was more invested in that.

It felt like a pretty powerful story.

Is that how you'd pitch it to a studio?

Yeah.

Yes.

Yes.

Would you want James in the room when you were pitching that to the studio?

Would you want him?

I would bring him in at the end to say, and now, if you believe it, you can meet the man I was talking about.

Yeah, and he walks in drinking a Diet Coke.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Thanks for this regular Coke.

A partner?

I thought this was regular Coke.

That's what I was drinking.

Pop it up sore bread.

Pop it absorbed bread.

A partner.

Pop it off sore bread.

See, I'm ready because I listened.

Yeah.

Bread.

Didn't scare you properly.

What bread are we going with?

I want like a crusty bread, but not too tough.

Uh-huh.

Yeah.

But like warm out of the oven.

Yes.

Now, I like that you specify not too tough.

Because sometimes trying to rip it apart will be too much.

Yeah.

And you can't.

You feel everyone looking at you.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Did you ever...

This might just be me, but I did eat meat as a child, and I remember sometimes I couldn't chew it small enough.

Yes.

And I would have to, this is probably too much information.

I would take it out and put it on my plate and then I'd be like, I'll come back to it.

And you never did and that's why you're vegetarian.

That's right.

You divide the bread up.

Oh, sorry.

I was talking about meat.

Oh, this is meat.

Sorry, I thought this was a good thing.

I was just thinking about tough food.

Oh, yeah.

That would be awful.

I mean, it's bad enough putting the meat on your plate, but if it was bread, chewing bread for a bit and then putting the horrible glob.

Bread, I feel like at least once you get it ripped off and in your mouth, it does soften a bit.

It does some of the work itself, right?

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

But I love the idea of you going, just like delegating the bits of meat and just being like, I'll get back to you.

Don't you go anywhere, bit of meat.

Pre-chewed.

Would you ever get would you always get back to the meat or would eventually get meat?

I would try to.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Wow.

I think that's a really good sign that you definitely should have become a vegetarian.

Anyway, if there's anyone listening who eats meat like that, you've got to go veggie

ASAP for the sake of everyone around you at meals.

Because, I mean, eating meat is terrible for the environment.

We know that now.

What's worse for the environment is half eating meat and then putting it back on the plate.

Also, I find it when somebody tough bread, I'm really self-conscious of everyone looking at me, and I try and get my head down further and further so people can't see my mouth.

Yeah.

My forehead's pretty much on the table.

I'm trying to

eat the bread.

That's why it's good to have like an oil to dip it in.

Yeah.

Oh, so you're using the oil not as a flavor thing, you're using it to soften the bread so it slips down easier.

Well, when it's tough, I find sometimes the oil helps.

But usually I just want it for flavor.

Yeah.

Yeah.

What is that?

A donut?

In my head?

Yeah.

On my head?

Yeah.

Nice.

Now I can't see what you're referencing.

So

you just suddenly out of nowhere said, what is that?

A donut?

And the partner didn't pull it.

She was just like, on my head?

I don't know what.

People now think I came in wearing a donut on my head and it was only referenced at this point.

No, yeah, I can see it.

Only certain people can see the donut.

Yeah, I had no idea.

It just means, yeah, it means I'm not sensitive or something.

I can't see the donut on the bone.

He's wearing it like a little hat, a doughnut on the part of his head.

No, it's like a hairpin, right?

It's a hairpin with the skin.

It's a donut hairpin.

It's got a little pink donut on it.

Yeah.

Do you remember the bagel head?

trend in Japan where people would get plastic surgery to make it look like there was a bagel in their forehead?

What?

Okay, you're looking at me like I'm crazy, but if you Google it, it was a thing.

They got surgery.

They got surgery to make it look like there was a bagel under their forehead.

Well, sitting opposite me is the great Benito.

He just googled it.

I've never seen him look more horrified in his life.

Looks absolutely like he's going to cry.

It's a thing though.

Why, why?

I don't know why.

Was it like an advertising thing for a bagel chain where they were like, I'm always thinking about bagels?

I I don't know.

I could never really

get an explanation for why it became so it would look like it was embedded in their foreheads.

Yeah, that's the worst thing I've ever seen.

What is that lady doing?

I'm gonna walk around and have a little peek.

Yeah.

I'm gonna walk around the table, have a little look at my

bad.

That's really bad.

That is horrible.

So, what you're doing is like a sort of you don't have to commit as much.

Yeah, it is an homage to that, but without the thing is, there's a lot of pictures on the Google image of like three friends together, and they've all had it done.

Which is, you know, if they're together, that's fine.

But they're going to have to do tasks by themselves at some point, and they're going to lose all of their confidence with that.

They're like, oh, God, when I was with my other bagel buddies, it was absolutely fine, and now I'm out in the world.

Who is...

Oh, God.

I'm also wondering where are they now?

Because this this was like, you know, five years ago when you were off of caffeine.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

And I wonder if they get got them removed or how you get back to your life.

Do you even get that removed?

Maybe you have a big scar in your head.

Or like extra skin.

Do you think they can, if they don't want to have it on display, they can push it like under their hair or something and maybe put a hat on?

Yeah.

Yeah, if just further around to the top of their head.

Hopefully.

Yeah, I would hope so.

Yeah, one of those monsters on Sesame Street when they press the top of their head and go.

That one.

Nice one.

You push it up like a little pillbox hat.

Yes.

Oh, that is a parano.

I mean, so sweet.

Oh, I can't believe you just brought that into our lives.

So

for your bread, you'd like a head bagel.

Is this what you want?

You want to eat it on your own head?

I just want, no, I just want the bread.

You want it warm with some oil to dip it in?

Yeah.

Oh.

That's really knocked you, hasn't it, James?

I know.

I really put a...

lot of put a dent in there.

Yeah.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

I like that.

I like to know that now because I can see how it's affected you.

Yeah.

And it'll affect a lot of people out there.

And that's the sort of thing, like, in a social situation, like a partner did, I'm going to say, like, did you hear about the bagel head trend in Japan?

Yeah.

Let me show you a picture.

Yeah.

I mean, definitely, if there's ever like a conversation having its flagging, you can bring that up.

Is that what you were doing?

Come on a second.

Was this flagging now?

And who knows?

Maybe it was not that popular.

Maybe it was like six people and they all just took a lot of photos.

Yeah, I mean, to be fair, that's all it would take, right?

I mean, I can't really see it catching up.

But then if it's six people, how do you become the first person to do it?

Yeah.

I think it's you and someone else have got to do it at the same time, right?

There's not one trend set to be like, people are going to follow in my footsteps here.

Yeah.

I'm going to put a bagel in my forehead.

Yeah.

And then next thing you know, we'll be getting the whole deli counter in there.

Oh, yeah.

Yeah.

The whole face looks like that.

What's that painting when there's a guy's face made up of fruit and vegetables?

Oh, I know what you mean.

The harvest one.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Yeah.

Well, it'll look like that soon.

So we'll be walking around like in the future.

A partner, if you had to have one foodstuff beneath your skin,

what would it be?

Good question and good sound to respond to the question.

And people can see the shape.

Well, yeah, because it would be mostly other people looking at it.

So what would be the least upsetting thing to put under there?

Definitely not like a banana.

Banana was my first thought for what I would have.

Yeah.

No prices for guessing where I would have it as well.

So you're going to put a banana up my.

Huh?

It has to be on the face, because it's visible.

Oh, it has to be on the face.

I think it captures it.

Yeah.

Okay.

Thought you were trying to do yourself some favours.

Maybe a small chocolate chip just near my hairline.

Just a single chocolate chip.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Yeah,

you've done well there, actually.

You've found a loophole.

I didn't think they had to be on your face.

Oh, I thought you were.

I have my answer all set up, ready to go.

What was it?

Dorito on my back, so I look too sharp.

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We come to your starter, partner.

My starter.

I decided to go with scallion pancakes.

Aha!

Chinese food appetizer?

Lovely.

Are those an appetizer?

I don't think I've had them.

I'm thinking...

Scallion pancakes, I'm almost thinking of it's Japanese, but economiaki stuff.

But that's cabbage.

That's cabbage, right?

And also, I've had kimchi pancakes in Korean cuisine as well.

But I guess there's sort of, you know...

There's within all world cuisine, there's shared things.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, and there's always a pancake knocking around.

That's rightly so.

Now, scallions,

are they spring onions?

Yeah.

Are they the exact same onions?

That's what we call them.

But, yeah, I think.

I think they're the same thing.

Yeah, I think so.

I liked the word scallions more in that case.

Because it makes you sound like a pirate, right?

Makes it sound like a pirate.

And also, you know, there's all the onions.

I think the spring onions is just not adding anything.

It doesn't make it feel like its own thing as much.

I can call it scallions as more fun.

So, yeah, I prefer that.

Yeah, okay if you're asking so you'd have these with the chariot with the chinese meal these you'd you'd get these they're just like crispy and oily crispy and oily yeah yeah well we've already established that you'd love them then if they're covered in oil they're covered in oil i would absolutely love them

as a point if they're sold next to a tube station even better are they spicy no not at all

just like dough a little doughy little doughy just a nice way to start the meal yeah get the jaw going so hold on is it like proper pancakes with with scallions in them, or is it completely made of scallions?

Pancakes with scallions in them.

Why would it be completely made of scallions?

Wouldn't that just be a scallion?

Well, like a kamiyaki pancakes are just haven't got anything.

Oh, they're just completely made of cabbage and stuff and with some noodles in it and things like that.

They haven't got pancake fat.

They've got egg in them, though, right?

I don't know, maybe.

This is a very James Acaster thing to go into a discussion with full authority and immediately back down when confronted by a fact.

Yeah, yeah.

Like he's not like he's not, but he's never been bothered all along.

Yeah, I don't know, maybe you're the one who started.

There's a whole conversation anyway.

I don't even want to talk about scanners.

It's a very liked way to start the meal as well.

It is, yeah.

But I don't know.

They're kind of oily, so maybe they're a little bit rich.

A little bit decadent as well.

Yeah.

I think I always, whenever I get things like that, I always get loads of other stuff as well.

So I never appreciate that.

So whenever I get Korean food, I'll order everything.

Yeah.

And then I've got like kimchi pancakes and I'll just wolf them down along with about five other things.

and then you know

I ate too much guys

He has a lot of regret after he's eaten it doesn't but he exercises he looks like a lovely boy but feels real bad if he eats too much food oh so full I'm gonna do it tonight and I can't wait oh we're gonna have such a big banquet tonight at Park really

at the Oscars yes at the at the Oscars we're gonna go and sit in a car outside the Chinese theatre yeah and we are gonna eat a big bag of food some of the scanning pancakes and we're gonna open the back door and and then any stars who are coming out, we're going to say, we're the real Oscars party.

Yeah.

We're the real winners.

Yeah.

Look at my fin.

How many of these pancakes you're having and how big are they?

They're about the size of like, maybe like a saucer.

Uh-huh.

And then they cut them up into maybe six or eight pieces.

Okay.

And then you dip the pieces in like a soy

type sauce.

Can't go wrong with soy sauce.

Yeah.

There's very few savory things that aren't improved by dipping it in soy.

I've started putting soy on eggs in the morning.

Hello.

Hear me out.

It's brilliant.

The secret you've kept from me.

I'll make an omelette or I'll make scrambled eggs.

I'll use some Chinese chili oil with the real crispy bits in it.

I'll put a little bit of that on and then dunk a load of soy sauce on the top of it.

Oh, I'm in heaven.

And immediately, and I mean immediately, every single time, get heartburn.

Really?

Yep.

The Chinese chili oil gives me heartburn immediately.

And at no point do I I think, well, I probably shouldn't have this tomorrow.

I know that's what's giving me heartburn.

First mouthful, heart's on fire.

Well, that's that again.

Yeah, continue to eat it.

Here we are again.

Keep on eating it.

Every single time.

It's like your Groundhog Day.

Yeah, a very boring version of Groundhog Day where Bill Murray's been like, ooh.

He just has a Rennie.

He does the same thing every day as well.

Doesn't even learn from it or change it.

Same thing every day.

Eats the Chinese fire oil or whatever it is.

Yeah.

Oh, man.

I love eggs, though.

I've had scallion pancakes with eggs.

Oh, wow.

Yeah, there's a place in Chinatown in New York that makes sandwiches with scallion pancakes.

Oh, what's it called?

Vanessa's Dumpling House.

Yeah.

Oh, Vanessa.

Vanessa is doing sterling work out there.

I'll tell you what, put someone's name like that at the top of a restaurant, I'm more likely to go there.

Or I'll nod at it at least.

But like, Vanessa's.

I don't even know who the vanessa character is but i'm like okay it feels like a nice homely personal vibe to that when we go in there a name and a pun you guys would be all over that oh yeah i mean that's probably why you know my favorite place in uh america to go and get food is trader joe's there's a name is that a name and a pun no no oh the pun's for you the name is for me

oh yeah there's no there's no pun there yeah you'd want him to see like traders of the lost arc or something right that's what you would prefer yeah yeah very good Ed.

Thank you.

Yeah, you would like Traders of the Lost Ark.

I would.

Or they do cowboy bark, don't they?

Yeah.

Oh, yeah.

In Trader Joe's.

So Traders of the Lost Bark.

Yes, very good.

Yeah.

And then someone eating the cowboy bark on the front.

Do you like Trader Joe's?

Hopefully, maybe.

I do.

I think they have good,

like the frozen section.

They have a lot of stuff you can cook easily.

That's good.

It's an absolute nightmare

with the frozen section this week because we've got a Trader Joe's on our doorstep here.

And basically, when these guys booked the accommodation they did that as a little treat for me and

my favorite thing in Trader Joe's is the frozen banana slices dipped in dark chocolate

and they've twice have been to that trader joe's now and they're not there they're not there they've run out of

time

they're just sold out and they haven't stocked them back up well to be fair we went quite late one night the night we arrived yeah and then first thing the next morning and james is going they've not restocked they've not restocked it they haven't restocked it as if they restock it every hour because they're like, We've run out of banana slices, bring in another truck.

It means restock it every morning.

Come on, guys, you know, make sure everything's fully stocked for the next rough.

It must be really popular in this neighborhood.

Whenever I walk around Trader Joe's, and I normally do when I come to America, I always think it's take they're taking it for granted.

We have nothing as good as that in the UK, Trader Joe's.

You mean all the people?

All the people are walking around like it's a normal supermarket.

Everyone should be walking around rejoicing

and singing about how much they love Trader Joe's.

It's always overcrowded, though.

Yeah, that's true.

The ones in New York are crazy.

Oh, yeah, lines all the way around.

But everyone looks sad to be in there.

They should be so happy.

You should be singing hallelujah.

Yeah.

That's true.

Hallelujah.

Sing Hosanna.

I think we're a very good country about taking things for granted.

Yeah.

It's one of our top qualities.

Yeah.

You do it very well.

Yeah.

Do you appreciate how good you are at taking things for granted or do you take it for granted?

What do you think?

i was in new york in the trader joe's and the queue was really really really long and i've been in this queue for ages and i was getting around to the front and there's this old lady she was so old and she had got herself in this she deliberately got in everyone's blind spot and was slowly with her trolley just trying to cut in and me and this lady who were in front of me saw her trying to do it and we both kind of exchanged a look and we're like yeah she's not getting past us and we managed to basically walk in such a way that she couldn't do it.

And then everyone else kind of followed the way that we were walking.

But what it meant was an old lady got trapped

in, like, there was this little corner of shit

where these shelves met, and she was just there and just couldn't get out.

And I don't know, she was like there for quite a while.

How old was she?

She's still there.

Like, one of the oldest people I've ever seen.

So she didn't have time to cue.

She's got to get out of there.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

I should have just let her cut in.

She's getting on with her last minute of life.

But I was really, really excited about getting my banana slices.

I think when I'm really old, I'm going to try to do things like that.

Like cut in the line?

Yeah.

You're going to be that person.

Because they say that old people are invisible to society.

So you've got to start trying to take advantage of that.

You saw the old lady.

I think.

I saw her.

Yeah, yeah.

Old people become visible when they're trying to get in the way of you and your banana slices.

She probably fell in the freezer section and now she's going to live forever.

Yeah.

Yeah.

She's cryogenically frozen.

Right, yeah, she's next to the banana slices.

Oh, that would be quite the I would probably move her out the way to get to the

banana slices.

Is there a food stuff for you, Apana, that you would happily move an old lady's body out of the way to get?

Yeah, yeah, I think probably multiple food stuffs.

Oh, yeah.

I love food so much.

I

probably just given some cheese slices.

Just regular grocery shopping.

You've been like, you're kind of getting in my way now, old lady body.

Why are there so many old ladies in this supermarket?

When you guys go grocery shopping, do you always leave with something you did not intend to buy?

I think I do at least three to five items I didn't intend to

buy.

Yeah.

It depends how hungry I am and it depends if I'm drunk.

The worst sort of shopping to do is if you're a bit tipsy and you're hungry.

Oh, yes.

This is an absolute nightmare.

Yeah.

Yeah, I'd say I do end up with stuff that normally it's ice cream

and I wasn't intended to buy it.

But also, I think when I go into a supermarket, I'm like, I want to cook this meal or I need to buy basic supplies.

When you go into a supermarket, James, you're already, your list is like frozen banana slices covered in chocolate.

Yes.

Chocolate.

Yes.

Ice cream.

Anyway, so the extra things you buy, there's nothing.

I'm looking off my phone.

I bumped it.

There's a friend of ours called Ellis James, who's a stand-up comic back then.

And I bumped into him in the supermarket once and he was laughing his head off while taking a a photo of my basket because I think I had some chocolate milk,

basically some children's cereal and into the Spider-Verse on DVD.

He's losing his mind.

I cannot believe you drink chocolate milk as an adult.

Yeah, well, it was,

you know, I always see it.

I got quite excited when I saw it.

There's actually chocolate and banana milk.

That's why I bought it.

It was like two in one.

That's quite an exciting flavor.

I can pour that on the kids' cereal.

Yeah, I got the cereal, which is that rice krispy cereal, but that's it's um like the shapes one, right?

Yeah, so it's like I got the shapes, but I was like, I'm gonna pour this.

Oh, do you pour the chocolate milk onto the cereal?

That day, that's what I wanted to do.

Yeah, yeah.

I hadn't planned to do that, I just wanted to get into the spider-verse.

You eat from Sainsbury's, you eat like you smoke weed, yeah, yeah, you do, yeah, but you don't.

So, I'd imagine you, if you actually smoked weed,

it it would be a nightmare.

Well, I might have got it.

Or maybe it's the opposite.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Right.

Oh, James is making a pack choice stir-fry.

He must be absolutely mashed.

Yeah.

We'll talk about conspiracy theories.

So your main course.

My main course.

My first...

instinct was a vegetable lasagna.

I don't know why I love lasagna so much.

It's great.

Because it's the most comforting dish out there.

It's so comforting.

And to me, it's like a fortress of food.

Like the structure is like a, it feels impenetrable.

Yeah.

Yeah.

But then you get in there.

But you've got the code to get in.

You've got a little code to go to the fortress.

Yeah.

Well, the vegetable lasagna is great as well.

I think I've had...

Like,

my mum does the roast vegetable lasagna that I think is nicer than a meat lasagna.

Yeah.

Well, big claim.

It's absolutely delicious.

There's more variety in it because you've got a variety of vegetables.

So it's not just the same mints all the way through.

Yeah.

And it's, yeah, it's flavorsome.

I think I just love layers in my food.

Yeah.

I'm like, what?

There's another layer?

But all the layers are the same in a lasagna as well.

Sometimes they alternate.

They'll be like cheese, then vegetables.

Sure.

Cheese.

Also, I mean, you're not discovering new layers with lasagna because you're eating kind of like downwards.

Unless you eat your lasagna crossways.

I think I have eaten it.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Just to make it last longer.

Yeah, that's fair enough.

Just the top sheet and then all the cheese.

Yeah.

That's a fun way of doing it.

You could invent a new lasagna where it's a different thing on every layer

and proper surprise and then eat it down and you can have a full meal in there, like a proper Willy Wonka lasagna and end on like chocolate pudding on the bottom.

Oh, yeah.

Or make the whole thing chocolate pudding.

Just have chocolate pudding.

Yeah, yeah.

Different layers.

Yeah.

Chocolate pudding.

Why are they not dessert lasagnas?

I'm sure someone's done a dessert lasagna.

I'm sure someone has.

Yeah.

Well, we've got to do that.

I guess there's parfaits.

I guess you need sweet pasta.

Yeah, great.

That should be doable, right?

Is there dessert gnocchi?

No.

Feels like there should be again.

Yeah, it feels like there should be, and I'm a bit disappointed there's not.

What would you put in a dessert lasagna?

So I would definitely have some marshmallow in there instead of like the cheese.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

I'd have like marshmallow fluff or whatever for those bits.

Yeah, for the bechamel sort of stuff.

Yeah.

Yeah, yeah.

What I'd want, maybe like white chocolate sauce for the bechamel.

Okay, yeah, yeah.

Like a white chocolate kind of melted chocolate situation.

It's already the sweetest thing anyone's ever made.

Oh, but they would be salted.

Both of those elements.

You'd throw some salt in, yeah.

Yeah, yeah.

I'd definitely throw some salt in there somewhere with all of this.

And then I guess in terms of like, instead of the pasta sheets, that's a tough one.

Yeah.

What you'd have instead of that, maybe?

Maybe roll-ups?

Maybe Maybe some like, oh no, like wafers, like, you know.

Yeah.

Like some wafers.

Oh, so it's a crunchy, a crunchy.

Yeah, so there's some crunch going on in there as well.

I'm now I'm thinking of tiramisu because that's kind of a layered dessert.

Yeah.

Sort of like a dessert lasagna.

Yeah, maybe like it's just really the cake.

The thing is just calling it a dessert lasagna.

And then

everyone would go along with it because otherwise there's a lot of layered desserts.

Yeah.

I could totally imagine like coming back to our Airbnb here and finding you eating a full tray of that tonight.

Yeah.

It's Oscar's night.

Yeah.

All the walls are covered in chocolate and articles.

It was really difficult, Ed.

Yeah.

All right, James, I brought you a spliff.

Eat some spinning.

Yeah, I was split between that and a vegetarian thali for like Indian food.

I know, what's that?

It's just one of the things we'll have at Indian restaurants where it's like instead of ordering one curry, you can just get a bunch of little.

things all on one plate.

Lovely.

So that you don't have to pick one thing.

It's a good hack for this podcast.

Yeah.

so you don't need to pick one thing you can just have loads of little things yeah we could take those little things and layer them all up if you like yes yes that would make it perfect it's your ultimate dream what would normally come on the on the thali what what would be it'll be like a dal and then like a you know like a paneer curry or like spinach and chickpeas or something and then like a yogurt like a reita and then like bread and rice and like a dessert

yeah indian cuisine is nailed vegetarian food like no other cuisine, I think.

It's very good.

Sri Lankan.

Vegetarian food.

I'm not as familiar with Sri Lankan.

But I have been to a place in London that was really good.

That was Sri Lankan food.

Oh, yeah?

Yeah.

I forget the name of it.

Was it Hoppers?

Yes, it was Hoppers.

Hoppers is great.

James introduced me to Hopper's.

Yeah.

It's fantastic.

That's great.

I've made it on the podcast in the past.

We should learn what the actual because, like, the restaurant is called Hoppers, but that's a very anglicized version.

Yeah.

Yeah, yeah.

But.

Apam.

Apam.

Apam.

That's the egg appam.

Yeah, yeah, it's absolutely.

Oh, right.

They have a pancake too.

Yes, there we go.

Another pancake.

The global dish.

Wouldn't that.

Now, there should be a restaurant that does pancakes, but from all over the world.

All the different types of pancakes.

Yeah.

From all the different countries, and you can do that.

It's called Panglobal.

Okay.

Yeah.

Yeah.

I don't hate it.

Yeah, you shouldn't.

You'd nod at that.

Come on.

I would.

It's called Tony's Panglobal.

Hello, Tony.

Who knows his pancakes?

Tony does.

He's a good guy.

Actually, there's International House of Pancakes here.

It's really not living up to its potential because it should be

that, but it's not at all.

It's just a straight-up American pancake place, right?

With like different globs of fruit on it.

Yeah.

The Great Bonito loves pancakes, and we've not had any pancakes yet since we've been in America.

Where Where should we go?

Oh my gosh, you have to go to this place called Breakfast by Salt's Cure.

Yeah.

It's here in L.A.

and they serve this thing called griddle cakes.

And they're like pancakes, but they're a lot thinner and they're so good.

I can't even...

I'm not even afraid you won't love them because you will.

Oh.

Yeah.

That's the strongest recommendation I've ever had.

I think I've been to Salt's Cure.

They've got a restaurant called Salt's Cure.

Yeah, so this is like a breakfast outpost that they opened up.

Oh, wow.

It's just their breakfast.

Yeah.

Oh, we are 100% going there tomorrow.

Yeah.

That's how we're starting our day.

Yeah.

You will love it.

Last time I went to Saltzekure, I had head.

That's when I had head cheese, which I've talked about on the podcast before.

Head cheese.

It's all the bits of like a cow's head that they all mash up into like a pate.

Why is it called cheese?

Because it's just like a slice of mass.

I thought head cheese was when you get a slice of cheese implanted into your head.

It goes so well with a head bagel.

That's like a love story waiting to be told.

They see each other from across the room.

And then the head salmon guy turns up and it's a thrupple.

Oh.

Oh, yeah.

I forgot what your make cost is.

Are we going with the lasagna or the...

I'll go with the lasagna because that was my first instinct.

Okay, great.

Is it from a particular place?

Is it from anyone in particular?

Is there a single one?

Really?

I feel like I've had a lot of good ones.

Actually, the one at Trader Joe's is not bad.

Oh, yeah.

First shout out on a menu for TJ's.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Definitely.

Really?

First.

Yeah, it's never made a menu before.

I mean, I've bought it up multiple times on the podcast.

They have really good snacks, too.

Oh, the snacks I will be going home with.

I mean, annoying.

I think I've overpacked my suitcase.

I'm considering leaving my own clothes in America so I've got room for.

And you can see there's a pack of them up there, the dark chocolate almonds with turbanado shrimps.

They're so good.

They are the best things in the world.

So I need to take home minimum four boxes of those.

So I think I'm going to leave a jumper, two shirts, and a pair of trousers.

And Bonito.

And Bonito.

And Benito.

I'll be taking it.

Fill

those clothes with that food and try to take it as another passenger.

Yeah.

Or the weekend of Bernie's family with almonds.

Yeah.

My friend's not feeling very well.

It's clearly made of dark chocolate covered almonds, sir.

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My side dish.

I had trouble with this one too.

I think I said fried plantains.

Oh, yes.

I love fried plantains.

Yeah, delicious.

It's almost the perfect bridging side dish into a dessert as well because they are so sweet.

Yes.

I think technically they could be considered a dessert, but I had other ideas for dessert.

Yeah, you could smack some ice cream on those.

I think I've had that.

I think I've had that on holidays, just like

flambéed plantains with vanilla ice cream.

It's so delicious.

I think I came to plantain quite quite late in life.

I think I'd always walk past them at like in markets, like and you see them and you're like, What the hell is up with that banana?

Sure.

You couldn't eat a plantain like a banana, could you?

I don't think so.

I think they're tougher.

Yeah.

Maybe.

You couldn't peel them and like the ultimate energy boost was eating a whole plantain raw.

You couldn't freeze a plantain and dip it in chocolate, or could you?

That's a good question.

Yeah, would you dip a plantain in chocolate or in cheese?

Or neither?

Right, I'd dip it in chocolate.

Definitely.

I'd rather have it with chocolate than cheese for the sweetness.

Yeah.

You could dip one half in chocolate and one half in cheese.

And then and then compare.

And then go cheese down first and then you're straight into the next course.

Oh, yeah.

Yeah.

Well, my mum went on a Spanish exchange trip

to Spain.

And every day she put on loads of weight because every day she ate the same thing.

They gave her like a baguette, and it had in one half it had chorizo, and in the other half, it had chocolate.

And you just eat the chorizo end first, and then just keep going, and then you have the chocolate bit.

And I'm going to have to correct you on your pronunciation there.

It's chocolate.

So sorry.

So sorry for any Spanish listeners.

Chocolat.

No worries there.

No worries.

She's running this exchange, so did she come back and a Spanish lady came back and

ate some very disappointing food?

Yes, exactly.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Yeah.

Although

although my grandma

used to cook this thing called bacon pudding as well, it was just like dumpling, like a dumpling thing, which was like suet.

pudding and it just had loads of bacon and fat in it.

Wow.

Sometimes British food can be delicious.

Yeah.

If disgraceful.

Yeah.

What does something have to be to be called a pudding?

Interesting.

Because it wasn't sweet at all.

Right.

But I guess it was made in a pudding dish.

Okay.

So I guess that it's probably the dish rather than the actual taste of it.

And obviously in the UK we call like desserts, puddings,

whatever they are.

Yeah.

So it confuses it even more.

But if I think of like that kind of suety kind of pudding and a Yorkshire pudding for this on the savoury sides, they're both quite, you know, quite plump.

Plump.

Fatty.

Do you think it's a plump thing?

Plump and fatty.

Yeah.

And they've got kind of a cakey kind of vibe about being a cake.

Oh.

You know?

It's also a lovely nickname for someone, I think.

Pudding.

Pudding.

Pudding.

Yeah.

Hey, little pudding.

Yeah.

So you got the fried plantain on the side.

Oh, yes.

On the side.

Is there anything with it?

I find them satisfying on their own, but I think you're right.

They're good with like ice cream or

like a.

Obviously, my dream is to get someone to have ice cream as their side.

One day I'll achieve that on the podcast.

I'll try to talk you into the dessert lasagna for Maine.

Ice cream on the side.

Yeah.

Oh, God.

I don't know what else would be good with plantains.

Maybe like a nut, a toasted nut.

Yeah.

Maybe.

We could throw a toasted nut on there for you if you want.

Yeah.

What sort of nut would you like toasted?

Hazelnuts.

Sure.

I feel like...

I feel like I've pushed you into that though, partner.

I suddenly blanked on other kinds of nuts.

I don't think peanuts would work.

I think maybe

I don't think almonds either would work.

We always like to ask people what their favorite nuts are in this podcast.

I think my favorite is cashew

by itself.

I really like it.

Then maybe.

I really like peanut butter.

But peanuts by themselves, I don't know.

I like a peanut sauce too.

Uh-huh.

But then peanuts, as is, I'm not

excited about.

Yeah.

That's the shame.

That's the shame about the peanut, really.

It's probably really down on itself that it's like it has to do all this fancy stuff to appeal to people.

And it's just sat there going, why can't you just take me as I am?

Yeah.

I like them dry roasted.

Yeah, dry roasted peanuts.

Oh, that's true.

They are very cute.

Yeah.

First time I had dry roasted peanuts.

I mean, I was a kid, but I went.

I'm not going to say nuts.

I went crazy.

You've already used Hog Wild already.

I've already used Hog Wild.

I can't say Hog Wild again, but like, I absolutely, yeah, I was I was singing his praises.

The thing with nuts is sometimes they get presented to you as a healthy snack,

and then you find out how much fat and calories are in nuts, and that's a real letdown.

I think I used to do on the way back from gigs, like as a driving snack, I could do a big bag of dry roasted peanuts and be like, whoa, there's there's no sugar in these, these are carb-free, and then you're basically eating a thousand calories from a bag.

Yeah, I was in a writing room for a show last year, and they would have a lot of nuts for snacks.

And this one writer said when he had too many nuts, he got this thing called nut belly.

Yeah, that must be different.

It's like a very specific kind of fullness

from eating nuts.

Yeah.

I mean, now, because of our conversations we've had so far this podcast, I'm now imagining it looks like he's got loads of nuts implanted into his belly.

And they're all like in those different shapes.

Oh, man, I've got a bad case of nut belly.

That sounds like American writers' rooms sound like they're just a snack heaven, right?

They are, yeah.

There's a lot of snacks.

What sort of things, apart from nuts?

Actually, this writer's room, it was all Trader Joe's snacks, because that's where they seem to get them.

Oh, that joke.

I've got loads of ideas for writing.

Come here.

You wouldn't write anything.

I know.

What's the genre?

Well, it was a workplace comedy.

Workplace comedy?

Yeah, okay.

I've got loads of ideas.

There's a thrupple.

Yeah, that's a good idea.

Yeah, they don't get on all the time.

And then that comedy.

I'm reaching for

the dark chocolate covered honey grains.

That would be day one.

You'd come in and go, right, here's my three ideas.

Let's snap.

But but

lovely side dish there.

And now for your drink.

My drink.

I was split again between a margarita

and like a vodka with a pickle juice.

Oh, wow.

Yeah.

Pickle juice vodka.

No one has ever said a vodka with pickle juice.

No.

So we're going to need to discuss that for a while, I'd say.

I don't know.

I guess it's probably a kind of martini, but I've only had it at one bar in New York, but they make it.

It's like, you know, those banana peppers?

The like sort of more neon green peppers?

It's like a vodka with the juice from that.

So

is it a spicy?

Yeah, it's like a more salty, spicy.

And it's all in the same glass.

It isn't like a side of pickle juice that you do as a shop.

This is like all that.

What's this bar called?

I don't remember.

A partner doesn't remember the names of places.

I don't.

Unless it was a pun, you were never going to remember that.

Now, that's good for the great Benito because he has to update the website with the names of all the restaurants that have been mentioned.

Oh.

And because you've not remembered any, this is going to be an easy day at work for him.

So very, very grateful.

Very happy.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Even though, you know, no one's mentioned, you know, Silk Road in Campbellwell is probably one of the best Chinese restaurants near where I live.

I'll probably recommend that.

But that's not been said in the episode.

That's okay.

That won't end up on there, will it?

Oh, Kebab Kid.

You loved Kebab Kid, didn't you?

Kebab Kid used to live near there.

Yeah, that was a good idea.

But where was that again, Ed?

Parsons Green.

Ah, Kebab Kid and Parsons Green.

Some of the best kebabs around.

We've all talked about this.

I said Vanessa's Dumpling House.

Oh, yeah.

Oh, yeah.

We talked about this as Dumpling House.

That's great.

We'll have that on there twice because the partners mentioned it twice.

Yeah.

Oh,

what were the kebabs

up north?

Oh, I am Donna in Harrogate.

Ah, some of the best, they're probably the best kebabs I've ever had before make HMS, HMS pudding.

Yeah, yeah, the pudding person remembered that.

Very, very important.

So, we arrive at your dessert.

My dessert.

I went with chocolate lava cakes.

Oh, my God.

Has that been picked before?

Uh, yeah.

I'm like, a million times.

I'm sure.

People love them.

Here, especially.

Especially here.

You're all you Americans.

You're just

hunking down on those chocolate lava cakes.

You love them.

You really do love them.

But what you've said, which James will really appreciate, is you've said chocolate lava cakes.

No one else has pluralized it.

Yes.

And was like, I have a chocolate lava cake.

You have pluralized it, which is great.

And you know what?

Because you've done that, I'm going to take all those chocolate lava cakes from the other guests we've had and give them to you.

And now when I get a dessert,

all those people who came in before who ordered the chocolate lava cake, guess what?

That didn't happen for you.

Yeah, so sorry.

You had no imagination.

I think it really combines

liquid and solid in a great way.

Yes.

Because really, whenever I have a solid dessert, I want it to be mostly falling apart.

Yeah.

Yes.

That's important.

Yeah.

It's like a surprise fondue, really.

Yeah.

It is.

You've like, yeah, you've like reversed fondue.

Yeah.

The fondu's on the inside.

Yeah.

For New Year's, my boyfriend and I made them and they're harder than they look.

I mean, they're easy.

It's not a lot of steps, but it's the flipping it at the end.

Yeah.

Because you flip it out of the little container it's in, and if it's not done, it's a mess.

It's just black, it's just a liquid.

It's all lava and no volcano.

Yeah, yeah.

Often, there's a show called MasterChef in the UK.

That if that's normally people's fall down is they try and make a chocolate lava cake.

Because if it's wrong, it's really wrong.

Either too liquidy or you cut into it and then it's just a chocolate sponge, which is a disaster.

You don't want that.

No.

I would want to get the plantain involved in it.

Oh.

Maybe take that over, drag a plantain for that fondant sauce.

Yeah.

So are we, for a parter's meal, are we leaving the plantains on the table

in between?

We're taking everything else away and then bringing the dessert.

And the plantains are still hanging around.

You don't have to do anything with them, but you're putting it.

You can put it there.

You double the serving.

Yeah.

Of a pot of the plantain.

Yeah.

So that you can use it in your dessert if you want to.

Yeah.

You're dipping it in like a fondue, yeah.

Perfect.

Dipping it in there.

Do you like any ice cream or anything with it?

I'd take a scoop of ice cream.

Like a vanilla.

Yeah, I feel like with those, they're so rich that you don't really need to spice them up anymore.

Yeah, but

I think vanilla would be enough to

balance it.

Choose another flavor of ice cream to get

a juice.

You absolutely would.

Of course you would.

I know you.

Of course you'd.

You'd choose like the most rejected.

Maybe a pistachio.

Well, hold it fortnight.

Yeah, the pistachio would be great.

That would be quite nice about it.

I just have holdie fortnight.

Yeah, and now you're adding things.

James took me for an ice cream when we were in New York.

And it was so rich.

It had so many things in it that it was almost like a big bag of candy just that someone had poured some cream into.

Yes, but this little boy ate heavy bite actually.

He went a little bite.

Didn't you fairly?

Wasn't it Ample Hill?

Yes.

Yes, it was Ample Hill.

It had chocolate-covered potato chips in it.

Oh, my gosh.

Church.

My church.

It was like being inside your mind, quite frankly.

Yeah.

It's exactly the sort of thing you would have designed, that ice cream, I think.

I absolutely loved it.

I had such a good trip there this time with my buddy Ed.

It was so nice taking him there and introducing him to Anvil Hills.

But also, I had two of the more kind of salty ice creams.

Are they non-sweet ones?

Well, they're still sweet, but it's like a salty, like a, there's this salty caramel one.

Oh, no, it's the cops.

Sometimes when I talk about desserts too much, they send the cops.

Oh, I'm going to put in prison.

I'm going to put in prison again.

But luckily, the bars are made of chocolate.

I'll eat my way out of that putting prison with a spoon.

No one stays in pudding prison for very long.

No, no.

They go, fair enough.

He really wanted that chocolate bad.

But what you would do in pudding prison, if it was all made of chocolate, you wouldn't escape straight away, would you?

You'd eat the whole prison and then you'd leave.

Yeah, yeah, I'd gradually eat my way out of that.

I'd eat different things first, probably.

And it's shamed me to say this.

I'd start with a toilet.

Yeah.

What would the toilet be made out of?

Chocolate.

And I'd eat it.

I wouldn't want to pee in it and ruin it.

Right.

Right.

It would make me feel bad.

Yeah, okay.

But other people have peed in it, right?

What I can't see doesn't hurt me.

So,

we read your order back to you now.

See how you feel about it.

You had sparkling water at the top.

Then you had some warm, crusty bread, hot, not too tough, with some oil.

Starter, scallion pancakes with soy sauce.

Vegetable lasagna as your main, a side of fried plantains, and the drink, you wanted vodka with pickle juice, and dessert chocolate lava oh chocolate lava cakes yes please

with vanilla ice cream feel good about that I do does sound pretty nice it does I'd say the thing on that menu that I want to try the most is the drink the vodka and pickle juice I tell you why I like that where it where it came because you've got the side of the plantain quite sweet you've got a very sweet dessert the spicy vodka is going to cut right through that yeah and you've you've paired that perfectly you've made a very good menu there yeah thank you are you eating this um with the old lady from Trader Joe's?

I am.

I am.

And then we're going to get lava cakes implanted under our forehead.

This oozes out.

Yeah.

Just one rough touch to that.

It just oozes over your plate.

Over your nose.

Oh, no.

But it should have been a good thing.

Back to the hospital.

Hello.

Yes, it happened again.

I need you to put the fondant back in my head.

Thank you very much for coming to the Dream House brother, Apanna.

Having me.

And there we are, the off-menu menu of Apana Nancherla.

Excellent menu and excellent storytelling as well.

The story of the Diet Coke I very much enjoyed.

Yes, she really, she really took your story and ran with it.

Yes, I haven't heard it before

from someone else, and it was very nice.

Do you not hear it when you say it out loud?

Yes, but it's one of of those things like Kanye West always says like his one regret is that he'll never get to see himself perform live.

And I,

with a Diet Coke story, I never really get to experience it properly.

You know, it was nice to be able to hear it from.

Yeah, but she did it way better, you know.

I don't know.

I think I've

mine's a fan favourite.

People like it a lot.

It's not a fan favourite.

Bonito likes it.

He always keeps it.

He always keeps it in the edit.

Always makes the edit, doesn't it?

Well, thank you very much, Apana, for coming in.

Apana is a brilliant stand-up comic, writer, and actor.

You can see her work on the stand-ups on Netflix.

I would highly recommend that set.

It is very, very funny.

And also, you can check her out on Twitter on at Upper Napkin.

I'm not on Twitter anymore, but you tell me she's excellent on Twitter.

Yeah, she's very good on Twitter.

She's a very good joke writer.

But look, check out all her stuff anyway.

Thank you very much, Apanna, for coming in.

She did not say mead.

Thank God.

Congratulations for not saying mead, Apana.

I probably would have flipped out because I've heard Ed saying mead so often this week.

A honeyed wine for you, sir.

Yep, there he is.

A honeyed wine for me, sir.

I'm not going to do the night anymore.

No, no, I don't think he's appreciated.

Oh, have you only just figured that out?

Yeah.

Yeah, not appreciated.

I'm going to go away.

I'm going to work on the character.

Yeah, yeah.

Just like, just like I did with my Diet Coke store.

I honed it and it gets better every time.

Check out our socials at Off Menu Official on Insta and Twitter.

And also

the website offmenupodcast.co.uk.

go on that, check out the list of restaurants.

Go if you use iTunes, why not give us a five-star review?

Write a couple of nice lines about it,

subscribe, obviously, if you're not subscribed.

Keep it up there, keep it out there in the world.

Love you so much.

Bye-bye.

Goodbye.

Hello, I'm Carrie Add.

I'm Sarah.

And we are the Weirdos Book Club podcast.

We are doing a very special live show as part of the London Podcast Festival.

The date is Thursday, 11th of September.

The time is 7pm.

And our special guest is the brilliant Alan Davies.

Tickets from kingsplace.co.uk.

Single ladies is coming to London.

True on Saturday, the 13th of September.

At the London Podcast Festival.

The rumours are true Saturday, the 13th of September at King's Place.

Oh, that sounds like a date to me, Harriet.