Ep 64: Teri Hatcher

Hello, it's Ed Gamble here from the Off Menu Podcast.

Hello, it's James Acaster here from the Off Menu Podcast.

And before the episode starts, we'd like to talk to you about All Our Relations, a non-profit co-founded by your friend of mine, comedian Jen Brister, and Georgia Takax.

Yes, All Our Relations was originally started to support 15 families in Gaza when the genocide started, but now supports 21 families and funds several mutual aid projects, including two seven-day food kitchens and two mobile food parcel delivery schemes, as well, feeding hundreds of families in Gaza every single day.

They've created an absolutely amazing thing.

And we feel like, you know, it's the off-menu podcast.

We talk about food and we are very lucky to eat wonderful food and have access to absolutely brilliant food all of the time.

And I think we need to talk about people who have access to no food, James.

Absolutely.

So if people would like to donate, please go to allourrelations.co.uk or look at the links in Jen Brister's bio on Instagram.

Every penny raised goes to supporting people in Gaza.

Thank you so much and enjoy the episode.

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And there's actually only a small portion of this podcast that you can enjoy.

The rest is deadly poisonous.

Welcome to the Off-Menu Podcast.

Oh, what a scary introduction, Ed Gamble.

Ooh, like the fish, that puffer fish.

Oh, yeah, that was what you were thinking of, a puffer fish.

Is that because we're in Los Angeles, California, where they eat a lot of sushi, a lot of raw fish?

Sure, I guess so.

We're in LA.

That was a lovely link into it, James.

No, no worries.

My pleasure.

We are in Los Angeles, California.

Oh, baby.

So cool, dude.

Oh, it's really sunny outside.

I think I might have caught the sun a bit.

I think you have, actually.

I only noticed

a little bit earlier.

You do look like you caught the sun slightly.

Even though you did plaster yourself in sun cream like a true British gem.

Slaved it on.

Absolutely slapped it on, pasted it on, like butter on a roll.

Yeah.

And you went out earlier for a little walk, didn't you?

Yeah, went out for a little walk.

Just strolling, seeing the sights, you know, just taking in the local scenery.

Catching Pokemon.

James, this whole trip has been on Pokemon Go, has not stopped just leaving rooms, leaving buildings at a moment's notice and walking around to catch Pokemon.

Well, you can get ones here that aren't available back home and you know there's a lot going on and it's Sinno weekend.

You can get Sinno Stones and normally you can't get Sinno Stones.

I've got loads of evolves that need the Sinno Stone in order to evolve them you see.

I'm sure Ed, I know what you're going to say.

Oh why can't you just like keep on catching the Pokemon and then trading them to Professor Willow and then keeping the candies.

Well some Pokemon you get all the candies that you need to evolve them and then that's not enough.

You need the stone on top of that in order to help it and Sinnoh stones are very rare right now.

It's a Sinno Stone frenzy of a weekend.

It's going to be over by Monday.

I need to take advantage of that while I can.

That means I'm spinning, I'm spinning poker stops, I'm getting the challenges from Professor Willow, and I'm trying to do as many as possible so I can get those sweet stones.

Three so far, but I need 13.

So the off-menu podcast is a food podcast hosted by myself, Ed Gamble, and James Acaster.

What happens on it, James?

We're going to ask a guest their favorite ever, starter, main course, dessert, side, and drink.

And our special guest this week is Terry Hatcher.

Actual Terry Hatcher is coming into the dream restaurant to chat to us about her dream meal.

It's very, very exciting.

Very exciting.

We are huge fans of Terry Hatcher here.

Especially because as a Pokemon master, I'm not just catching Pokemon, I'm hatching Pokemon, so I'm a bit of a hatchery myself.

Do you know what I'm saying?

But if Terry Hatcher says a secret ingredient that we have pre-organised as part of her dream meal, she will unfortunately have to be kicked out of the restaurant.

Absolutely.

And today, the secret ingredient is brioche bun now normally i would join in saying that at the same time as james uh but i do not agree with this well you know sometimes there's been a few secret ingredients which i've not agreed with and i i know how you're feeling right now ed it feels pretty bad you're specifically talking about like a brioche bun with the burger as well yes i'm not i'm not talking about it like i love brioche um like custard brioche and stuff like that as desserts as a as a little on its own you know i actually prefer it with a burger that's That's when I like Brio, when it's with a burger.

It's good, ness.

It's the worst when it's with a burger.

We went for a lovely meal at Egg Slut today.

Yeah, that was nice.

And I did like it.

Yes.

But I said to you, I think if I went again, I would have it without the bun.

That's because you all LA now.

We've been here for a day and you've gone, I want that without the bread.

I'm preparing for a role.

No role for this role.

Who's this character?

It's the actor.

Oh, it's the actor, the LA actor.

LA actor.

Who's really?

I'm preparing for a role.

I can't have bread.

Oh, yeah?

Would you like some chocolate?

No, sir!

Please, I'm preparing for a roll.

How about this tasty bowl of ice cream?

Why, I'd eat the bowl.

Well, what?

Surely worse for you.

No, the bowl.

If I cut up my throat, then I can't eat anything.

Oh, so it's win-win there?

I don't know what's happening.

Oh, well, I hope you get the role.

What are you auditioning for?

What's the role that you're auditioning?

Oh, I don't know yet.

You don't know yet?

I'm just preparing.

You're always preparing for a role.

Do you have an agent?

The role?

No, sir.

No agent?

No, sir.

No.

Just a heart full of dreams.

Have you got any upcoming work?

Oh, yes.

Yeah.

Yes.

Name one?

Uber.

Uber.

Okay, you're an Uber driver.

Yeah.

You're an Uber driver who watches what they eat.

Yes.

And lives in LA.

I can't drive.

Personally.

I'm preparing for my role as an Uber driver.

Oh, this is like the new Scroll Stacy film, Uber Driver.

Yes.

Turning around.

You talking to me?

Well, I mean,

if it was an Uber driver, it would be like, are you talking to me?

Because I didn't like it, and I'll give you a bad routing.

Oh, yes.

Cut all this.

Don't cut all that.

I think Uber Driver.

I think Uber Driver's a good riff.

in terms of a film.

Yeah, but because I was still within the character.

You're talking to me?

I couldn't hop on the back of it.

It was a good one.

It was very nice.

Five stars.

Yeah, it was a good.

kind of thing.

So, if Terry Hatcher says brioge buns, she is out on her ear, we really don't want to kick her out.

We're very happy she's coming into the tree.

I mean, you know,

quite vaguely, we can't believe that we've got certain guests and to kick them out straight away would be pretty bad.

Yes, and we can't think of a better way to close out this series than with the wonderful Terry Hatcher.

So, she is the final guest in the restaurant this series before we power down the ovens for another few weeks.

So, let's hear the off-menu menu of Terry Hatcher.

Welcome Terry Hatcher to the Dream Restaurant.

Thank you so much.

Welcome Terry Hatcher to the Dream Restaurant.

We've been expecting you for some time.

James is our genie waiter in the dream restaurant.

Okay.

That's what that wonderful sound effect was.

Right, I've heard it before.

I've heard your podcast.

Oh, wow, that's great.

I'm familiar.

I expected you to be in a full-on sort of costume, but you're not.

Yeah, well, I thought this would make you feel more at home.

I don't want to freak people out.

Do you want to just take us through what the genie's wearing today, James?

Yeah, yeah, just a checked top.

Just like a plaid.

Is that plaid?

We would call that plaid.

Normally what I was expecting, Terry.

But I thought he was going to re honest.

He was going to say there's some like chiffon purple genie pants with a little tube top with gold sequence

with some like seven veils that you're slowly taking off just to try to, I don't know, turn me on.

Is that what you're doing?

Yes.

Well, actually, normally I'm trying to turn Benito on.

It wasn't me.

I'm trying to see if that

wasn't aimed at me, otherwise you've been looking this way.

I see.

I think we all expected James to do an amusing improv at that point, but what he did was, is he panicked and told us what he was actually wearing.

Right.

It is glad.

That's a good start.

Yeah.

It definitely felt like a dirty phone call, actually, when you asked me that.

But do you want to quickly change it into what Terry described there, please?

The seven veils?

Yes, I can wear that and see if it has any effect on Benito.

Yeah.

Here we go.

Alakazam.

How are you feeling about that, Benito?

Still cold as ice.

Still absolutely dead inside.

Now, normally at this stage, we'd sort of ask our guests if they're a foodie or not, but I think we already know that you are because you've come in here and you're already talking about food ready to go.

Yes.

And on your social media, I think your bio says foodie.

It probably does, yeah.

I know it already.

I think food, food really, I lead with food.

I mean, in terms of what I cook and cooking in my life, it's really how I show people I love them.

I love having, I love cooking for people, I love hosting, you know, dinner parties, but then also I love going to restaurants all over the world, which I have, that's the way I travel.

So, yeah, that informs where you go is where you're going to eat.

I mean, there was one specific example years ago when my daughter was a sophomore in high school, we needed to go look at colleges.

It's something most people do when you're thinking about going to university.

So we wanted to see 16 different universities.

And so we decided to drive across the country, about 3,000 miles,

and go to all these different universities.

But I said, if we're going to do that, we're also going to go to all the James Beard Award-winning restaurants in those towns.

So that's my idea of an amazing trip.

Yeah, that sounds incredible.

Cross-country road trip with food.

And award was that, James Beard.

Yeah, that's, you don't know the James Beard Awards?

I don't know the James Beard Awards.

Do you know the the James Beard awards?

I hear about the James Beard Awards on American Food TV shows.

Oh, okay.

So, yeah,

they do it,

you know, like northern, southern, eastern, and like, best new chef, best restaurant, best dessert.

But it's, yeah, it's a big, it's a pretty prestigious award.

Who is James Beard?

A chef?

I don't actually know.

That's so funny.

I should know that.

I should definitely know that.

James Beard sounds like a character we'd make up on this podcast for a joke.

I can just imagine he's got a lot of food food in his big beard.

Yeah, I'm imagining.

He's got a big old, big old beard that goes down to his feet and he's got a refreshment.

And all these award-winning restaurants are in it.

Yeah, just all of his magical beard.

Did you find yourself pushing your daughter towards the university that had the best restaurant in it?

No, I did not.

And on this trip, we actually did we go?

I can't know.

I can't remember where she ended up in school.

Well, I can just say it.

It's Providence, Rhode Island.

And

it's a small town, but actually quite a foodie town.

One of the Johnson and Wales is a very big culinary institute, and that happens to be in Providence.

So I don't know if that's why, but there's quite a few chefs that have trickled off into some pretty great restaurants.

Oh, cool.

So every time I get to go and visit her, we always go to one of them.

Lovely.

Would you say,

and be honest, that you maybe visited her more than you would have because the food is so good around there?

No, but it is a bonus for sure.

Yeah.

And she likes it because they're sometimes expensive and so she can't go without me.

So

that's the one.

So then she invites me to come see her more because she knows she'll get to go to these restaurants.

When I was at university, it was all, I'd always pick like two or three restaurants that every time anyone came to visit me, I'd be like, you're taking me here, please.

Well, we always start off here, as any restaurant does, with still a sparkling water.

But when you came in to just because what we should say that we're in our Airbnb, yes,

and we said, would you like some water?

And you were like, absolutely not.

You said, just don't offer me any water.

No, I didn't really say that.

I don't know why.

You said if I wanted water, I would have asked for water.

Mr.

Plattshirt, that is not what I said.

I think I said, no, thank you.

But I mean, now that you're asking me, now that you're forcing me really to drink something,

I mean, if I had to choose going into the restaurant, I probably would pick sparkling.

Right.

Yeah.

Yeah, I don't need it now, though.

Because I'm hydrated.

No, no, no.

This morning I was at the gym, so I've already been drinking a lot of water this morning.

Right, yeah.

Everyone in LA is

the gym.

Oh, they're hydrated.

Yes, that's.

And goes to the gym.

I think everyone in the UK is dehydrated.

Probably.

That's my theory.

Yeah.

Which is crazy.

But we're about five years behind hydration, I think.

At some point, we'll start drinking water.

Yeah.

For now.

Only milkshake.

and sort of like

ale is our water for sure.

You've got a preferred gym water

for gym water, yeah, yeah.

I guess you're not uh no, just filtered, no, no, just filtered, just filtered water, yeah.

Filtered, why does it have to be filtered?

We've just come from New York, and people were very evangelical about the quality of water.

About their tap water, right, yeah.

But in LA, does it have to be filtered?

I think, I think, I think I would try to filter it anywhere.

Although, when I go to a restaurant and they'll say, like, I probably wouldn't buy bottled still water.

I would just get tap.

I would get LA tap or New York tap.

And bring your own little filter with you.

No, I would just drink it.

But then I would also order sparkling.

But I don't know.

Gosh, the studies that have just come out have said that

I don't remember.

The percentage was very high of all the crappy elements that are in our regular water.

Yeah.

So you, I mean, you.

not doing a very good job as a government of keeping our water clean.

I think that's a national problem.

I think you'd be the first guest to do this on off-menu, but feel free to skip the water.

If you've turned up to the dream restaurant hydrated anyway, you've been at the gym, you're hydrated, feel free to pass on the water.

I'm going to pass on the water.

There you go.

Why did you do that?

Why did you make that an option?

These people are hydrated, James.

They don't need water.

It's an insult to a water.

If you really need me to have water, I will totally

have sparkling and and I will

be grateful.

If I drink sparkling water while we're talking, I'll probably burp.

So

that's another thing.

That's true.

She doesn't want water.

You saw when she came in, you offered her water.

It just went, no, I don't want any water.

Benito tried to offer her one and she smashed it out of his hand.

Teddy's not heard what the amuse bouche is yet.

Oh, you're doing the amuse bouche, are you?

Yes.

Okay.

Sand.

Oh.

Well, then.

I would like some water.

Sorry.

I didn't realize that sand was going to be the amuse bouche.

Yeah, yeah, just some nice sand.

Do you know my daughter, when she was like six months old, I think

the first time I ever took her to the beach, I took her to the beach in Malibu.

And she just, you know, was that that age where they're just kind of like plop down.

You know, they're not really mobile yet or anything.

And

I turned away for two seconds and she had fistfuls of sand.

She was just eating.

Fistfuls of sand.

And of course I go running to the pediatrician, you know, she ate sand.

She was just eating it by the handfuls.

Like, and he said it was fine that, you know, they just poop it out or whatever.

But I thought, that is insane to me.

Like, that texture is so hideous.

I don't know why a baby would do that, but she did.

I guess you got to do that to try that.

You got to try it to do it.

I guess that's true.

But she kept, it wasn't like she did.

And then she just kept eating it.

Eating it, swallowing it.

At that point, were you thinking, one day I'll probably do a cross-country trip with this person looking for university?

You know, I did not anticipate that.

I did not see that coming.

I see her eating sand and going, maybe she's not the college tuck.

That's great eating that much.

Did you ever eat anything weird as a baby yet?

Oh, yeah, I ate everything.

I probably would have eaten some sand.

She also ate one time we were in New York.

This is very, very young, like baby age again.

Maybe I'll tell enough of these stories.

It's just going to see what a bad parent I am.

We were at a brunch at a restaurant and, you know, they serve.

So she must have been old enough to be drawing with the crayons.

They serve, you know, give crayons for the kids to have their attention on something.

And I turned, she had this blue crayon, I remember it.

And I turned away again, probably to eat my bacon or something.

And I turned back and the crayon was gone.

And I thought, okay, where did the crayon go?

Is it on the ground?

Whatever.

I look for it.

And she had little like crumbs of blue.

She ate it.

She ate the crayon.

She finally stopped this.

Thank God.

They both look good.

They both look pretty tasty if you don't know any better.

Like sand kind of looks like it could be.

Glistening and

the brown sugar colour.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

For sure.

But that blue kind of like...

I'm more amazed that we ever know as babies what not to, you know.

Well, we only know after we eat ever.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

My uncle, who is a grown man now, but the main story that circulates around the family about him is, and sorry to be gross, early doors, Terry.

Oh, no.

Sorry,

I don't know what this story is.

When he was a little baby.

Oh, I know what he ate.

He's one of his own poops.

Yeah.

Yeah.

That's probably more common than you think.

Yeah.

How did he cook it?

Well,

probably not so common.

He did it, forgot about it, went back to it, thought it was chocolate, and ate it.

Oh, my God.

Oh, no.

Oh, God.

Okay, I might vomit.

You're right.

You said you apologized in advance.

This is such a terrible word.

It's a reflex.

I didn't think it was going to happen, but it's happening anyway.

Must be changing.

Can we move on?

Let's move on.

Pop-a-dumps or bread.

Popadums or bread, Terry.

Pop-adam's or bread.

So I expect it.

You're saying Papa Dom?

Pop-adam's or bread.

So Indian thing.

Yeah.

Well, let's see.

There is a restaurant here in LA called Bevel

that does beautiful breads.

They're sort of

Israeli Mediterranean-y kind of restaurant, and they do their own pita breads, and

they make everything.

They do this one dish that I guess is a starter kind of thing.

I mean, that's how I order it.

Well, they do serve pita and hummus, and that's amazing.

I mean, but like the best pita and hummus you've ever had.

But they also do this burnt black sesame bread that they serve with a chicken liver pate, and that's probably one of the best bites of like when you think about it.

I have many, many images of the best bites I've had of food all over the world.

That's definitely one of them.

That does sound good.

I don't, unless the bread is great bread, like we have a bread company here in town

called Bread Lounge, they make great bread.

I think it's Bub's and Grandma's.

They make great bread.

Like, unless it's great bread, I'm not going to eat it.

Yeah, because I don't want to fill up on that.

Bread that's not exciting.

I just feel like I'm wasting it.

I'm kind of like just

eating it for the sake of it.

Chips and dips are always good.

Yeah.

Popped on is always good.

Prawn cracker's always good.

Bad bread is bad.

Bad bread is bad.

Yeah.

But that black sesame bread with

limb pate sounds amazing.

Also, I love that burnt now makes me think, oh, that's going to be delicious.

When people say burnt something, I'm like, oh, yeah, I'd love it.

It's like that.

Whereas back in the day, it's sort of like, oh, dear.

Right, right.

Yes, it's true, right?

It gives it class now.

Yeah.

Do you, you, you, uh, you cook yourself, don't you?

I do, I do.

Have you ever done a burnt dish?

Like, uh.

Like, actually burned it?

Oh, no, like deliver it.

On purpose.

Or even by accident, to be sure.

Yeah, no, I know.

I definitely have burnt.

Lately, I don't know what's up with me.

I've left a few things on the stove, like cooking, and then walked away and gotten involved in my computer and then come back.

And I'm just lucky the house isn't like on fire.

You know,

when you leave a pan on the stove too long and you burn whatever's in it too long, like that pan has to go in the garbage.

Like

you can't even clean it.

It's just ruined.

You ruin the pan.

I've done that a couple of times.

God, I hope that's it.

And do you bake bread?

I have baked bread.

I mean, I went to culinary school, and that was when I first started learning to bake bread just because it was one of the classes.

I think

I've made my own pita bread at home.

That's pretty easy to do although I certainly don't do it as well as this restaurant I was telling you about.

And I've made focaccia.

I made Paul Hollywood's focaccia recipe and that came out really good.

Oh wow.

Well of course we've got two alumni of the Great British Bake Off sat in front of us.

It sounds like we had very different experiences.

Yeah

James, do you want to talk Terry through what happened?

Oh,

I'd call it an experience.

I was

just very jet-lagged at the time.

I just came back from here, actually.

Okay.

And Terry, did you travel from here?

Yeah, I traveled from here, so I'm not quite sure.

I travel from here, so I'm not quite sure.

Yes,

but go ahead.

I'm not trying to show you up right now.

I probably did a different route back.

Right, okay, yeah, yeah.

You took the long way round, yeah.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

Yeah, and uh, I had what I think is commonly just, I think this is a baking term, but what is uh referred to as a waking nightmare.

And um, everything fell apart.

My flapjacks were just like a porridgey mess.

I had to do a cream horn for the technical, which is, I think, a bit too hard for the technical.

I think technical is myself.

We had a cream pie, yeah.

Yeah,

how did that go?

How did you do on that?

I finished mine and helped other people.

Well,

I go.

I did neither of those things.

Yeah, Alan Carr didn't know how to make custard, so I helped him make his custard.

And then one of the other girls had an issue with her hand, so she couldn't pipe her whipped cream, so I went and did that because I was finished.

Wow.

Wow.

That's how you do it, Joe.

I don't know how you did that.

I couldn't even think in like normal.

My brain was all over the place.

No, I will say the technical is hard.

It's hard because if you, the way it works with

the directions, the very minimal directions they give, if you don't know what you're doing, it doesn't tell you what to do.

So you're right.

Like, if you don't know how to do it, it's not there.

And that makes it very hard.

They knew what they were doing with us.

They just completely gave very little direction.

Cream horns, like pastry and like creme pat.

That's a lot of stuff going on on there.

So you had to make the custard and then you had to pipe, you had to make the corn and then you had to pipe it in.

Yeah.

Yeah.

And like I couldn't do anything.

No, that sounds like a lot.

It all fell apart.

That sounds like a lot.

And then the next day I had to make my

special place out of,

oh, it's meant to be, I guess, like cake and stuff, but I just did it with sweets.

Oh, meringue, that was it.

Yeah.

Oh, yeah, yeah.

But

I run my mouth off and told him I could make a theme park out of meringue, but I couldn't.

So that didn't go well either.

It went so badly, Terry, that he became a meme.

Really?

Meme?

Wow.

That was how badly it went.

He became known as the worst baker in Bake Off history, and that's including.

Oh, I'm sorry.

That's not good.

It was the best day of my life, Terry.

Oh, yeah,

I had a great day.

Did you like the show before, though?

I mean, is that why?

Yeah.

I've not watched an episode since.

Where it's like trauma, like PTSD, you can't do it.

I'd not be able to watch it.

I was such a huge fan.

And this was back a couple of years ago, at least.

And I think I was one of the first people in the States to be a huge, huge fan.

Because when

the offer came to me to do the thing for charity,

it sort of got

came to me in a way of like, you probably don't want to do this, but here's this thing.

And I was like, what?

Of course I want to do it.

Oh my God.

And I went over there with two big suitcases packed full of 30 pounds worth of flour and all my own tools and all my.

Flour?

Yeah.

How did that look at customs?

Well, I know.

I was sweating it out on the plane.

I thought I am completely getting arrested for this.

Unmarked bags.

But the producer called me like the day before I was supposed to leave and she said, you know, it just really dawned on me that our flour is different than your flour.

And if you've been practicing with this stuff, like it might not work with what we have here.

So you better bring.

So I brought my own

food color dye.

I brought my own.

Yeah, I brought a lot of stuff.

Yeah.

I feel like you really prepared for it as well.

I did.

I might have been doing it with a different flower.

That was your problem.

Yeah, at home when you practiced.

When I made my flapjacks.

Did you practice at home?

Once, yeah.

I had one run-through with my sister.

It was easy.

Because your sister did it?

Yes.

But it looked very easy when I watched her doing it.

I thought, this is going to be great.

I'm going to nail this.

Wasn't it pretty though, the tent and the whole thing?

No.

No, okay.

I just kept saying, I can't believe I'm in this tent.

I can't believe I'm in this tent.

I really love that.

I said that as well, but not in that tone.

Also, when I did it, it was a very cold day.

I don't know what the weather was.

Yeah, it was cold.

Yeah, so I was cold and rainy.

Stop trying to make excuses.

Terry also flew from LA.

It was also a cold day.

She finished and it was raining.

She probably could have finished and then come to your episode as well and helped you.

That would have been good.

I would next time.

If you ever feel like you want to confront confront your fears or whatever, I could be your sous chef.

Yeah, oh, that would be good.

That'd be quite the team, actually.

Like the worst and the best who have ever done it.

I think team up together.

The team is probably stretching the terms

away.

You just didn't practice.

I bet you would.

Yeah, I didn't practice.

And, you know, oh, so many things.

I guess, you know, cream pie is a bit easier than cream pour.

I agree.

You know, it's hard to eat.

I think you're right.

I think you're right.

What did you do for your Showstopper?

So we had to do

a rainbow cake, and

it had to have at least six layers that represented all the colors.

Wow.

And it had to be at least two tiers.

But so then I did 12 tiers.

Oh my god.

So I did

the bottom layer I did with the cake being the rainbow, all the different six colors.

And then the top layer I did a white cake and I made lemon curd as the filling between the layers, but I changed the color so that the curd was all the different colors.

So that when you cut into it, it was white cake with the rainbow in the filling, and then the bottom was

rainbow cake with white filling.

Absolutely incredible.

I iced an egg.

I piped some icing

onto an egg so it looked like Sandy Topstick.

I thought I did.

Yeah.

Oh, James.

Good times.

Good times in the tent.

I did have one fun time there, but they edited it out.

They didn't make the edit.

Oh, what was a fun time?

Well, tell everybody what it was.

Paul Hollywood.

Yeah.

I don't know if you found this.

Yeah.

It's an awful environment for him to be in, really.

He's got a real sweet tooth, and he loves just picking and stealing little bits of food off.

Oh, I didn't notice that.

Well, I had, from my showstopper, a whole kind of like, you know, sweet.

Candies.

So, yeah.

I had loads of dolly mixtures.

I don't know if you have have them in the States Dolly mixtures, but they're very sweet, little kids' sweets almost.

No, that's not the all-sorts.

I don't know what they're saying.

No, but they look kind of similar.

They look like miniature all-sorts almost, but they're not licorice, they're very sweet.

Okay.

And Paul Hollywood loves them.

Okay.

He's like addicted to them.

Good to know.

Okay.

He kept on coming over and stealing handfuls.

And I was quite annoyed with him.

So me and Ryland, who was another contestant on it, we thought we'd try and catch Paul Hollywood.

And I got the bowl full of dolly mixtures and I put them on the floor and I put them under a cardboard box that I'd propped up with a stick.

And then I tied a string to the stick and I hid behind a bin holding the other end of the string.

And then Ryan was shouting, Paul Hollywood!

And then Hollywood came along and he looked at the bowl and I shouted, Lights out, Hollywood, and I pulled the string and then the box, well, I mean, it didn't get him, he didn't get under the box, but it was still pretty fun.

This is why you didn't finish your cream pie or whatever, because you were busy connecting a rat trap for Paul Hollywood.

Yeah, yeah, because that's exactly why, I think.

Yeah, and and then you have to quickly ask.

People should know this.

People should know that you were doing other things.

I was doing things that I thought would be great television, and they didn't even make the edit.

Apparently, good television is a man having a breakdown.

That's what they really like.

Well, we'll come to your starter just so we can stop reliving my

worst nightmares.

But so your starter, is it from a specific place?

I've made a list.

Printed it up.

Yeah, yeah, of course.

You figured it out.

Oh, yeah, absolutely.

See, that's I've started organized that.

Yeah, I mean, this is, yeah, exactly.

Exactly.

I didn't even think about what I was.

I've behaved on the bake-off.

I take things very seriously, especially when it has to do.

So the listener, Terry, has produced a printed-out, typed list that looks incredibly detailed.

It is typed out, but also has amendments written in red.

It's the handwriting.

She's given herself somewhere.

And I did this at midnight last night.

Well, no, 11:18.

You can see almost midnight.

Okay.

See, this is my problem.

I've been fortunate enough to go to so many places that I couldn't decide plus I also really have a problem with the word favorite like I've never ever in regards to anything been able to really what's your favorite movie what's your favorite song

like it's all there's just too many and they're all connected to like different memories and I can't pick one over the other so that was very hard for me so the French laundry

has a starter called oysters and pearls and it is just, I don't even know, I don't know what they do at the French laundry.

I mean, that guy, I've been there over in the decades, I've been there three times, most recently, like maybe three or four years ago.

And every bite of food that you have there is a bite that you would remember.

But

there's something about this dish that it's just like the perfect bite.

So, and so rare and special and caviar and

just yum.

Okay, so oysters and pearls from the French laundry.

Then, and this makes me sad because

this is my favorite.

Okay, I will.

I have one favorite.

One favorite thing.

Excellent.

My favorite resort hotel,

and I got to go there twice in the whole world, was a place called the Southern Ocean Lodge on Kangaroo Island in Australia.

And the whole thing just burned down.

Oh, yeah, so, so, sad, sad, so sad.

I mean, the times I've had there, you literally would sit in their lobby and look out over, I guess it's the

Southern Ocean, and there'd be double rainbows like every day and nothing, 2,000 miles of ocean between you and Antarctica.

Like just nothing, and that feeling of like you're on the edge of the world, like there's nothing between you and Antarctica.

And just,

oh, it was just beautiful.

And actually in

their lobby, they had a wine room.

with all Australian wines.

And you could go in and it was part of the fee.

You could open any bottle of wine.

You could have one glass, and then you could put it on the common bar, and then you could open another bottle, and then you could have another glass.

Like that idea that you could just, you mean I can just open any of these bottles whenever I want.

And that was really fun.

Anyways, they had great food,

you know, amazing staff.

And the first time I was there, and I had a Kumamoto oyster.

So just, if you imagine, one oyster in its little shell, you know,

served to you on ice.

And this bite of this oyster was this experience, the temperature, whatever.

I remember it like it was yesterday.

So, maybe that kumamoto oyster.

So, you'd need the surroundings as well because it's all it all feeds into each other.

Well, and I think this is part of probably every, I think this is part of probably every food story that you will hear me say: is it is all like who was I with, and where was I, and what was I doing?

It is, you're right, it is, you're not in a vacuum, you're not in a room eating the food by yourself, although this was pretty great.

So, then, um, let's see, what else do I have?

I have,

okay, last, this is from Bazaar in Los Angeles.

Okay.

And he, I don't know if he still does, but I think he does.

He does a chunk of fragrois that's wrapped in cotton candy.

And

you eat that in basically one bite.

And somehow that combination of the fat and the salt and the sugar, it's just insane.

I was going to ask if it was bizarre, like the market or bizarre, but when you told me what the dishwash is, it's bizarre, right?

no it's bizarre well it sounds bizarre

they i mean he it's very um you know it's very the whole restaurant is very um what do you call that like you know molecular gastronomy you know everything is they have a very famous dish which i don't is not one of my favorite things but um where it it looks like an olive and you bite into it and it and it all just goes gush like so it's not really an olive yeah but it tastes like an olive but it isn't an olive like they've done the it's a lot of that yeah um and to me some of that is fun and some but this particular thing i think is the combination of the sweet and the fat and the salty that i just liked but i think if they want to be useful they should make a dish that looks like a blue crayon yeah actually

food and then you can bring your kids there yeah a big bowl of salt and the kids are like being naughty here and actually it's vegetables

that would be genius that would be good so i think after just reciting them all to you i think i'm gonna go with the Kumamunda Oyster.

And probably because of the heartfelt loss of that beautiful resort and all those people's jobs and things.

Also, dishes like that, when it's just one thing and that's all it is, those often tend to be pretty amazing at those kind of places because they just put everything into thinking about...

like this doesn't need anything else and it's just this is enough and that flavor that they're trying because was it a because we've had a lot of oyster chat on this podcast in the past.

Was it a creamy oyster?

Because I don't really know.

I think it was too creamy.

I think it was a little more

firm and crisp.

I mean, small, tiny.

They're tiny, which I like the smaller oysters.

I sometimes think of the bigger ones as being creamier.

Yes.

But yeah,

I don't know what the right, correct adjective is.

How much did the free wine bar contribute to how much you enjoyed the oyster?

I'm not going to take away from this oyster.

i i'm not even i'm not even sure it was at the beginning of the meal so i may not have even been drinking that much yet i'm sure later it contributed to my giant scrabble loss

so things got pretty crazy we would we would sit in the lobby and play scrabble all night long and drink wine and yeah i'm guessing that you bought your own scrabble from home no they had it there oh okay yeah

but but that but i would do that american scrabble i would do that i would bring scrabble and yahtzi oh yeah yahtzi fan Yeah.

I like games.

We were playing.

We played a great game last year.

What were you playing?

The Great Benito bought it along with him.

It's called Love Letters.

Oh, I thought you were going to say Cards Against Humanities.

No, no, no, no, no.

It's almost the opposite of Cards Against Humanity.

Okay.

The aim is, and I had no idea about this card game, the aim is to get a love letter to the princess.

Yes.

And you've got, there's like all these different medieval characters that you've got to play.

And we really upset James, but we're putting some medieval music on.

And then I started talking like I was a medieval man.

Yes.

They put on some lute music, and Ed was there going, Hark, how hast thou the prince in your hand?

All that kind of stuff, calling people fair maidens, all this kind of thing.

Yeah.

But, like, you basically just have to, like, guess what other people have got in their hands.

So it's sort of like go fish?

Yeah, this sort of, yeah, it's basically go fish that's needlessly medieval.

Countess.

Okay.

A baron.

And were you drinking when you played this?

Yes, I was, uh, I was heavy with mead.

Ah, okay.

Was he go with me?

The exact phrase he used to say.

Yes, I'm heavy with mead.

He said it repeatedly.

It was a log day on the public.

Peterville said that he was heavy with mead.

Said it all the time.

Really upset him.

It was great.

It's first to five, and if you win a game, you get a token of affection from the princess.

It's pathetic.

I was going to use

sad, utterly sad, pathetic.

But we really were.

So creative.

I like it.

You know, it was our first night.

It was so good.

It was our first night in LA.

What better thing to do than play a medieval card game?

Stay inside and play a medieval card game.

It's Oscar's week, you know?

There's not much going on.

We need to get out more.

Yeah.

Well, every now and again, we'd be like all looking at our cards and I'd just like just sit and look around and just hear the music being like,

it sounds like we should be in Spam a lot or something.

Yeah, yeah, it was that sort of vibe.

Three nights sitting on a hill playing card game for a princess.

Exactly how it felt.

And also, I guess I didn't like it because I lost.

Yes.

Adam Benito was wonner.

Did you win?

It's a theme with you losing things.

Yeah.

We're going to have to turn you into a winner.

Yeah, that's what I came to Hollywood.

Yes.

That's what I was about.

Even though Hollywood was my downfall, originally, in the tent.

You've come here for the real Hollywood handshake.

Yeah, yeah.

Oh, I got one of those.

Sorry to roll it in.

I forgot to tell you about that.

I got one for each tier of the cake hand.

Let's be real.

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So your main course.

Yes.

You've teed yourself up lovely with that cloister.

So now the main course, I assume you've got a few options for this one or was it down to just one?

No, no, I do.

And I'm reviewing my list to see if I can...

Yeah.

Terry's just had to turn onto the second page of A4.

Yep.

Okay.

Well, I'll tell you, I'll just tell you.

Okay, so there's a place in Kenny Bunkport, Maine, called the Lobster House, and it's not a restaurant.

It's a

fish house, an actual like lobster where restaurants go to get their lobsters.

Or if you were going to cook lobsters at your house, you could go get fresh lobsters that they just got that morning out of the ocean.

But you can also bring your own wine and go there and they'll steam it for you and you can sit on their back porch, you know, at just like a crummy

picnic table and overlooking the ocean and just put on a lobster bib.

They'll give you one of those plastic lobster bib and just rip your lobster apart and drink your wine.

And again, getting back to who you're with and where you are on a beautiful, you know, August day, that's amazing.

That's an amazing, amazing meal.

Where was it?

What was the the name of the town you said?

Kenny Bunkport.

Kenny Bunkport.

Yeah, Kenny Bunkport.

Kenny Bunkport.

Kenny Bunkport.

Kenny Bunkport.

Kenny Bunkport.

That's fun.

It's a pretty famous city because, I mean, it's a small town.

Yeah.

It's kind of, you know, and it's become quite touristy.

And one of the reasons for that is that the Bush family had their big sort of summer complex

that was, I mean, they still have it.

Kenny Bunkport does sound like something that George Bush Jr.

would accidentally call someone.

It's not actually their name.

No comment.

Kenny Bunkport.

Kenny Bunkport.

What the hell are you just calling?

Angela Merkel.

Kenny Bunkport.

What I enjoy about, so lobster's supposed to be like the fanciest, one of the fanciest foods, but also it's offset by the fact you have to wear a bib while you're eating it.

I know, right?

It's almost as if they're not letting you be fancy because you have to put on a child's bib.

But I actually, and I love it like that.

I love, you know, ripping it apart myself with my hands and I'm I just I don't Yes, it's part of the whole as opposed to I don't really get it in restaurants like I don't really order I think maybe once you have an experience like this

Eating like a lobster tail in a restaurant is maybe less fun.

So my next place is called Kismet and that's here I just heard about this place today.

My friend wants to take me there.

Well, if you go

you should have the rabbit platter and it's for served for two but I always eat the whole thing by myself and speaking of breads that are worth having, so if you order this platter, it comes with the rabbit, it comes with different vegetables, pickled and, you know, cooked or sauteed.

There are different sauces to sort of dip everything in.

And then it comes with the side of this thing called flaky bread.

That might be the best bread.

Oh, wow.

And I think you can only get the flaky bread if you order the rabbit.

Right.

Platter.

So it's a hack to get the flaky bread.

I'm not sure.

I'm not sure if you can just get a side of the, you can get other bread there that's also very good and everything there is good but something about I just like do you your face you kind of freaked when I said rabbit no not at all no

you didn't okay I will eat

do you eat anything

I had beef heart last night and James really really looked ill when I ordered that I made you try it didn't I you made me try it yes and it was good it was fine I had one of the best um here's another place you guys should go while you're here gorilla tacos have you heard of this yet no okay gorilla tacos I think is maybe one of it's probably the best tacos in town um but kind of gourmet tacos although they do make one called the pocho which i think is sort of like like when i think of my childhood of like crappy

crispy corn with ground beef, you know, just like somehow they've done that and it's like the most elevated version of that.

It's that that might be one of my, like my, if you had asked me what my comfort food bite would be, I would say the pocho taco at Gorilla Tacos.

But they started as a food truck uh they didn't even have a brick and mortar and i don't know if you know who jonathan gold is yeah he's the reviewer right yes i mean he's passed away since but in in those days he put gorilla tacos food truck on the best 20 restaurants in law wow when it wasn't even a restaurant and so people used to stand in line for these tacos for like an hour and so back in those days um i don't think he makes it anymore but he used to make a duck heart and persimmon taco and that was one of my favorite things.

And I would have never thought of myself as somebody who was going to eat duck hearts.

But, you know, it was delicious.

And I do really, I don't eat a ton of meat.

I eat more fish.

I will eat meat.

But I really, what I really believe in is respecting the whole animal.

So when I cook at home, like if

you're going to cook a chicken, like use all those parts of it.

That makes sense.

And there's no point being squeamish.

If you're going to eat meat, you should.

Right, right.

You should eat all of it.

Yeah, that's true.

Well, it's using the whole animal, not eating it.

You could, like, if you don't want to eat, like, some of it, you could use it for other stuff.

Like what?

What?

Like, chicken beak, you'd have a pair of mini castanets.

Yeah.

I don't think anyone's suggesting you should eat the chicken beak.

I'd get the chicken beak and I'd stick it on and I'd...

Like a half-man, half-chicken carature called Kenny Bunkpork.

I'd walk about.

I'm Kenny Bunkpork.

I just am eight chips.

So.

Yep, Terry's moving this on.

Fair enough.

No, I'm not.

I'm just, I have so many to go to.

Terry is

fair enough.

I was about to pretend to be a chicken man for a while.

No, I think he should.

I think you should.

No, no, no.

That was the perfect type to move in my face.

I could see in his eyes that the improv was dying.

Run out of Kenny Bunkport's name.

Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah.

I thought, oh, I mean, really, all it is is that I'm completely obsessed with this Kenny Bunkport name.

It's the kind of thing that I would normally want to snip off graders, but I don't really know exactly.

I wish I'd brought a hat or something that said, I'm going to get you a Kenny Bunkport hat.

That's what I'm going to do.

That would be awesome.

It's like Northwest.

It's probably going to have a lobster on it,

and it'll say Kenny Bunkport.

Like a big lobster, like a lobster tail coming out of the hat almost.

That'd be cool.

And big, like a huge hat.

It's like, oh, see, I was going to go with just a classic baseball hat.

But if you would like a silly lobster out each ear,

yeah, yeah, lobster out of each ear and stuff like that.

The thing is with the name Kenny Bunkport is sometimes as a comic, you know, there's like something comes up that is clearly like, oh, there's a joke in that, and it's very clear what the joke is, and you just go straight for the joke.

Kenny Bunkport,

I feel like you are with your dishes.

I was like, I'm spoilt for choice here.

The amount of things I could do with this Kenny Bunkport person, and it's very hard to, like, know what kind of character Kenny Bunkport is.

I went with, like, half-chicken, half-man person, but, like, that was a big swing.

I actually feel that, I don't know.

It's very careful.

Well, I think it would have to be lobster.

You'd have to be half lobster, half-person.

Yeah.

Yeah, yeah.

It's really a lobster town.

He'd have lobster claws like Dr.

Zoy.

Or you could have clams.

You could also, you could do, you could do clams because they do clams and lobster.

That's the thing.

I feel like he'd he'd be like your American cousin that you've never met before.

Yeah.

Maybe one of those people who walks around, he's got like

a tray of like cockles and clams and the seafood stuff and he goes around trying to sell it to people while they're trying to do other things.

But like at really inappropriate times.

So not like when they're eating or when they're like, he'd be straight into like a business meeting with any clams?

Anybody?

I'm Kenny Bunkport.

Big old smelly tray of clams.

Yeah, yeah.

You want clams, don't you?

This is a funeral, Kenny Bunkport.

Get out of here,

never too sad for clams.

I don't like him.

Well, I don't really like Kenny Bunkport.

No, I thought I'd made him into quite a mock mind.

If you write a children's book about this, I want like a portion of the

I mean, I'll do it for free and you'll get all the money.

Absolutely.

So,

well, I don't know.

Are you?

Oh, absolutely.

To be honest, I was

done 10 minutes ago.

I was done before I even stopped you.

you.

Oh, okay.

Okay, well, I don't want to, you know, I don't want to bore you guys.

Okay, so you've been to New York already.

Yes.

And I think if I had to pick, so I think this is the one.

Okay.

I mean, I have more stories.

I think the best entree

at a place called Lartusi in

New York, which I wish I'd known before you went, I would have told you to go there.

They do this charred octopus.

And they serve it with little like fingerling potatoes, I think, and olives and chili.

So it's so simple, but so flavorful.

And it's just insane.

And the last time I went there was not that long ago.

This is how good it is.

I went there by myself.

You can't really get a reservation there very easily.

But I just thought, you know what?

I'm going to walk over there when it first opens at 5.30 by myself and see if I could sit at the bar.

And even then, I had to wait.

maybe like 40 minutes.

But I sat at the bar.

Restaurants totally packed all night long and got a glass of wine and had had a few things, but this was my entree and,

you know, chatted up to the people next to me or whatever.

I just, I love people that love food.

Yeah.

It's always a good icebreaker.

You talk to strangers.

Yeah.

Yes.

That's impressive.

Yeah.

Not me.

Never.

Too nervous.

Leave it.

I'll tell you who would be able to talk to strangers.

Kenny Bungport.

You're right.

Way to bring it back.

Way to bring it back.

Two guys eat it over there.

I enjoy a clam personally.

Yeah.

And he'd put clams in their meal, even though they weren't eating clams anyway.

That's what Kenny Bunkport would do.

You could just use it as like a mask when you feel shy.

I mean, you don't even have to have the clams.

You could just pretend to be him.

Yeah, yeah, that's the point.

Because pretend to be Kenny Bunkport.

When you don't want to talk to strangers, but then you have to.

What would Kenny do?

What would Kenny do?

Yeah, what would Kenny Bunkport do in that situation?

He'd talk to the strangers and he'd put clams in their meal, even though they didn't ask.

Yeah, yeah.

They're chocolate.

Chocolate clams.

Be nice.

Anyway.

I love octopus.

I think it's delicious.

Some people get squeamish about octopus.

How do you feel about it, James?

I'm one of those people who, as long as it doesn't look like an octopus, I'm fine with it.

Oh, it looks like an octopus.

So the whole thing is in there?

Well, it's a big, long tentacle, like a big piece of tentacle.

That's pretty much what's on your.

The tentacle I can hack.

I think the head bit is what kind of like.

I don't know if anybody eats the head.

Yeah, yeah.

It's getting like squid squid rings i guess the telephone yeah you know um seen old boy when he he just eats a live octopus no he did it for real no the actor just did it for real wow that's crazy do you ever believe in that like when you've done your acting parts do you be like i i insist on doing it for real every time or do you know i'm an actor i wouldn't do anything

like that would be weird i wouldn't eat real i mean to me i wouldn't eat a live real octopus especially if it had nothing to do with the role

yeah It wasn't in the script.

Yeah, it wouldn't do that.

If you were just in the Daily Planet offices and then decided to get a live octopus out of the drawer, that would be weird.

Yeah, yeah, that would be weird.

What a scene that would be, though.

Everyone would still be talking about that scene.

Maybe they would.

When Lois ate a live octopus for no reason out of the line.

Absolutely no reason.

Right.

I think I did eat.

There was an episode where I ate frogs, I think, on that show.

Oh, yeah.

But it was so long ago, I don't remember.

You probably faked that.

I'm sure that I did.

That's it.

And it probably went alive.

So, my point is, yeah, I would eat frogs.

Frog legs is definitely something that's up there on my list.

It didn't quite make it to the...

Well, it sort of did.

There's a restaurant in Paris called Chez la Milouie that people sometimes refer to as the most expensive bistro in the world.

And it's got the most controversial reviews.

Like some people say it's the best restaurant

to go to, and some people say it's the worst restaurant.

Oh, wow.

Yeah, I mean, it's kind of funny.

But when I went there

again with the people that I was with, we had an amazing time.

Beautiful roast chicken, the best French fries, frog legs.

And then for dessert, they brought out this big bowl of the darkest purplest bing cherries, like the biggest cherries.

Just fresh cherries.

Just the bowl of cherries.

Yeah, but I mean, fantastic.

Like those cherries were just, oh, fantastic.

I mean, they were just insane.

How much for that bowl of cherries, do you think?

I don't remember.

It was, I'm sure, it was an expensive meal.

That's what people say about this place.

Yeah, that it's very, very expensive.

They definitely know that people are coming because they know it's expensive and they're doing things like bringing out a bowl of cherries and going,

We know that you'll eat that and still pay for it.

We've not even taken the stones out.

Eat those cherries.

Eat those cherries.

So, out of all those dishes,

what would you are you going for the octopus?

I think the octopus, yeah.

What's What's accompanying that octopus on the side there?

Let me pull out my hummy-dummy list that I typed up last night.

Chapter four of this novel.

You guys, I love food.

I can't help myself.

Okay.

Absolutely.

Well, I'll start with this one because it's from Cornwall.

Actually, I have two dishes on my list from Cornwall.

This is from the Scarlet Hotel.

Cornwall in England?

Cornwall in England.

I just looked at a house there online the other day.

I've been threatening to buy a house there.

Well, ever since I went the first time, which is probably seven years ago.

I've been surfing there.

Wow, really?

Yeah.

Yeah.

No, I've like...

Are you a surfer?

I have like three.

I'm not a surfer, but I have been surfing there.

If I lived there, I think I would try to surf more.

Do you say

I'm not very good at it?

No, I don't say that.

Or Kenny Bunkport.

Kenny Bunkport is a little bit more.

That'd be quite a good thing to say while surfing.

Kenny Bunkport, dude.

Yeah, Kenny Bunkport, baby.

What was my point?

Oh, Scarlet Hotel.

Yes.

Has back to bread, bread worth eating.

Serves you kind of at the beginning of your meal, or it could be a side dish, these little paprika kind of like bread rolls.

They're just, I don't even know, like a knot almost.

So that was on my list as a side dish.

And let's see what else.

Oh, this is strange.

I was in Bangkok last summer at a restaurant called Canvas, and they served this

bread again,

but made out of rice.

So it was gluten.

But the texture of this thing,

I'd never eaten anything like it.

It was amazing.

And then lastly, and I think this is the one I'm going to put on our menu here today.

is from a place in New York called Bohemian, little, little tiny Japanese place.

And they serve something called the hot and cold crude,

which sounds really boring.

It's just raw vegetables.

But it's served in this big bowl, like with all this ice and these big, large pieces of vegetable just sticking up out of this ice.

And then this amazing,

you know, gourmet version of some sort of dip that you would want to dip the vegetables into.

And it's just insane to me that that out of everything I've eaten could make the list, but something about it was just great.

There's something about very fresh, cold vegetables.

Yeah.

And a nice, I completely agree.

That sounds amazing.

It was amazing.

I've had something similar, actually, not in a Japanese restaurant, in a restaurant in Copenhagen called Bar.

Oh, which is a phenomenal restaurant if you ever go there.

I have been.

And one of the dishes is the dips.

Yeah, yeah.

Trying to think if I've had that.

I think I was there right when that opened.

Have you been to Amass?

No, I didn't get to Amass.

Okay.

Another great restaurant.

Yeah.

We did a lot of eating though.

We went to Cadeau and to Manfred's.

That is, I think, the best place for food I've ever been.

So you're the foodie?

Or you're both foodies?

No, we both are, but we sort of, you know, whenever we can, we go to places.

It's a lot better at memorising it and

understanding what he's just eaten.

And I'm the one organising on this trip of where we're going to eat.

Okay, but you do trips about going to food.

Yeah, so everywhere I go would be based on the food.

I'm like that.

Yeah, there's absolutely no way that I'd never go somewhere if it didn't have a good reputation for food or there's a place that I wanted to eat.

Right.

Do you get the

every year the 50 best restaurants in the world list, and then I try to knock a few of those off.

I don't think I've ever done, I think I've ever done that.

I need to start sort of trying to take them off.

Farthest one I ever went to, I went to Favaken in Sweden, which is literally in the middle of nowhere.

Like a plane to a plane, and then two hours to another thing.

Like you are literally in the middle of nowhere.

And that guy, that's closed now, but that guy was doing really interesting things with like

classic traditional Nordic food, which is typically a little rough.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

You know, like a lot of preserved things and gamey stuff.

Some of it was really interesting.

He was very interesting, chef.

And then I went, the only Michelin star, like three-hour sort of experience dinner, 19 course or whatever I've ever, I went to by myself,

I went to Attica in Melbourne in Australia.

Yeah.

And

I sat, I got ready in the hotel and then I went over to the restaurant and I was pacing up and down outside the restaurant going like, it's okay.

You can go to dinner by yourself.

Like it's going to be okay.

It's not weird that you're going to dinner by yourself because this isn't like popping into, you know, I can live in my neighborhood here in LA and pop in somewhere and eat really quickly by myself, whatever.

That doesn't bother me.

But like.

Going to fine dining three hour 19 course, you know, $250 meal, whatever it is, by yourself.

Like Like, most people are there for their anniversary, their birthday, to propose to somebody, you know, whatever.

That's what people are doing there.

And it was actually great.

I ended up closing the place with the general manager drinking whiskey

while the waiters were, you know, taking the tablecloths off the table and everything.

It was amazing.

I think it's great.

If I ever see someone in one of those places eating by themselves, I just think you're an absolute badass who clearly loves food.

Evan respects that place.

Yeah, you.

I'll take that.

I'll take that.

I've done it once before.

I went to,

it's closed as well now, WD50 in New York, which is Wiley Dufrane's place.

Okay.

And sat up at the bar by myself and had like a, you know, 12 course tasting,

chatting to the bar.

And the barman was like making cocktails and testing new ones and was just throwing some nice.

Nice.

Oh, that's nice.

Great.

Yeah.

Is that like a Ben Shuey's vest?

Yes.

Now who's the foodie Ed?

Wow, nice way.

Kenny Bunford.

Kenny Bunford.

He's finally, see, you went into the character of Kenny.

Kenny Bunford pulled it off.

That's also the place where I had the weirdest food, I guess, I ever, well, I don't know if it's the weirdest, it was good.

Two things.

The first course, the first whole, like maybe 45 minutes, was with no silverware.

And I was like, huh.

So you, all the dishes that came, maybe four or five dishes, you eat with your hands.

Yeah.

And there was one dish in particular, speaking of the vegetable thing, it was just like fresh lettuces and some sort of dressing.

And you were supposed to take the vegetables and sort of wipe them and, and you know eat.

And I'm sure this was what he wanted, but you go from them first saying you can't have any utensils and you're thinking like, oh my god, how am I going to possibly, this is ridiculous, to this joyful, playful, kid-like thing of like, oh my gosh,

I'm eating with my hands.

This is so fun and so the way it should be.

They bring a bowl of sand.

Yeah, and then they bring sand and then the pediatrician goes, it's okay, you'll just poop it out.

It's fine.

Great every meal into a pediatrician coming out.

Don't worry.

Don't worry, you're going to poop that out.

You're going to poop all this out.

Goodbye.

Yeah, just hope Ed's uncle isn't around.

And then the dessert they had was kind of some sort of frozen dessert, but on the top of it was like pop rock ants.

Like

ants.

And I've eaten a cricket one time, but the ants really, they're presented like chocolate sprinkles.

You know, going into that, I thought, oh, wow, I might have to pass on this.

Yeah, yeah.

And then I thought, I'm all the way in Melbourne.

I'm by myself.

Yeah.

I have to at least taste this.

And the truth is, once I had one bite, it was really good.

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You check your feed and your account.

You check the score and the restaurant reviews.

You check your hair and reflective surfaces and the world around you for recession indicators.

So you check all that, but you don't check to see what your ride options are.

In this economy next time check lift

so we come to your favorite drink have you got some a few contenders i do you know in line with the rest of my lecture that i'm giving you here um okay this is my top choice so actually this is my top choice hands down so i didn't really need to write the other ones but i do like these other places so um

so faith and flower is a restaurant downtown and they make a cocktail called milk punch and apparently it's ferment it's it's

they take the milk I don't know if the milk is fermented or distilled the milk is distilled for like three days with vodka and then they strain it and then I think they infuse it again or something but it is ridiculous it's Just so good.

I don't even know what to say.

It's boozy milk, basically.

It's distilled milk?

I guess it is.

You don't get any sense of milk though.

Right.

You know, and it's very clear.

By the time it gets to you, it's not as clear as vodka, but like very, you know, pretty clear.

They also do milk punch at

Nightshades, which is also downtown.

And they're both good, but the first place I ever had milk punch was at Faith and Flower, and it...

It really is the cocktail that I remember most from around the world.

It's something to do with

infusing, I don't know, you put vodka with the milk and you let it sit for like three days and then you strain it out.

And maybe there's some other kinds of flavors in it.

I'm always amazed.

How do they even get to that point?

How do they go, well, I'm going to mix vodka and milk and then I'm just going to leave it and then I'm going to taste it.

Right.

Yeah.

Yeah, I don't know.

I know that Faith in Flour milk punch, and this is now probably going back like five years.

That won the best, I think the best cocktail in the city and maybe the best cocktail in the country.

Oh, wow.

Like that was an award-winning

cocktail at the time.

Well, definitely having the milk punch.

Yeah.

The other two places that you should go just to drink and eat, there's a place called

Here's Looking at You.

Not Here's Looking at You Kid.

I always say that.

Here's Looking at You.

That's in Koreatown.

And that's kind of Asian fusion thing again.

you know, bone marrow stuff, but also fish,

insane cocktails.

And they used to do this thing.

This is my love of food.

Okay.

So this is another go-by-yourself, sit-at-the-bar situation.

When they first opened, they don't do this anymore, but when they first opened, small restaurant, if you sat at the bar, only if you sat at the bar, you got the, they would make one pie a day.

So they have great pastries and great desserts that you can get when you're just at a regular table.

But if you're at the bar, they made one pie a day.

And this was like the best pie.

And I make good pie.

This was the best pie I've ever had.

And you could get a piece of the pie if you got there early enough and if you sat at the bar.

And it was like this secret thing.

If you didn't know, and then people would be like, I'd like a piece of pie.

And they'd be like, oh, you see, you can't get that.

And I was, and I just, so I don't know if it was a pie person.

You're not a pie person.

I don't know if it was the secret of knowing that you knew what to do to get the pie, like you have to sit at the bar, or if it was that the pie was actually indeed so amazing, or maybe it was both of those things.

But that was a really fun thing, but they don't do it anymore.

And then.

how do you know if they don't do it anymore?

Maybe they made it even more difficult to get the change in.

You're right, and I'm also listening.

It's something I don't know.

Maybe you have to go and sit in the bathroom.

Right, and

then they bring it together.

Maybe, maybe you're right.

Maybe I just don't know.

That'd be so sad.

You put yourselves in one of the cubicles and you have to sing a little song about how much you love pie.

And then they slide a slice underneath the door.

You get it.

How would that song go?

It's funny because Kenny Bunkfort would go.

I think Kenny

would know the song.

Kenny would sing it.

I am a pie guy.

I've always been a pie guy.

A pie boy into a pie man.

I'm a pie guy.

Can I have some pie, please?

There we go.

There's a song.

And that goes.

Ding, and then your pie shows up through the doorway.

Except it comes through like the prison little slot because you're in the insane asylum when you're singing that song.

That's where they put you.

It's just funny when you know about, and maybe this is why I don't eat processed food and I do cook a lot for myself and

when you know about these great foods you know when you know that this pie exists or you know these great desserts or whatever it just makes it hard for to just eat crap you know like anyway okay so here's looking at you and then nomad did you say you went to nomad in new york when you were there no is that the the hotel yeah no i did i went and had a drink i had a drink in nomad actually so their cock they have one here in la cool and their cocktail i mean their cocktail list is like a encyclopedia It's like, you feel like by the time...

I've never had a glass of wine, Terry, I feel like an absolutely.

Did you really?

Yeah.

We arrive at the dessert.

My favourite of the courses.

I'm quite optimistic that it's going to be a delicious dessert and a sugary dessert or a sweet dessert because of the cakes that you made, however.

And I love the pie chat as well.

And the pie chat as well.

James is always worried.

He's always worried that people aren't going to go for like a sweet dessert.

Oh, okay.

Yeah.

Sometimes people choose cheese and biscuits.

Oh, I'm not choosing that.

Oh, good.

Otherwise, I'd have to say that.

Plus, that would be like

that would be like second dessert.

You know,

an extra one.

Extra dessert, I think.

If cheese.

I mean, cheese is great.

Good cheese is great.

But that's not the direction I went in.

And for me, I'm more of a savory person.

Like, I would rather have an extra side of grape fries or an extra bowl of pasta than dessert.

Like, I

what, no?

That is the wrong choice, ladies.

You are going to go ejected through the roof now.

Push the button.

I think you're correct.

I think you're correct, Terry.

James, I can feel him tensing up when you said that, that you'd rather have an extra bowl of pasta than a dessert.

But I completely agree with you.

But I won't.

I've got your back here.

Don't you want it?

You can stay in the restaurant.

Okay, that said, this was very hard for me to choose.

But...

If I'm going to pick, I'm going to go with Paul Ainsworth's taste of the fairground.

And that's, you know, he won one of those

cooking chef shows with that.

British menu, maybe.

I guess, yeah.

I don't even know that this actual dessert is on his menu anymore, but I did have it when it was, and I've and I've had desserts since.

And he does some incredible ingenuity, you know, and flavor.

It comes together.

Like I said, since I don't really do dessert a lot,

it has to have like a special

thematic thing, which leads me to, you know, maybe these two tie.

Okay, so this is probably one, I guess it is one of the best restaurants in the world, Alinea in Chicago.

And it's again, one of those molecular kind of places.

And many, many things, I haven't been there in a long time, but many things that I had still remain in my mind.

Like, wow, that was one of the greatest things I've ever had.

But I think beyond a doubt if I was gonna pick one thing ever in a restaurant ever they made a dessert that was an apple taffy blown up into a balloon with helium and it would come to your table like an actual balloon an edible balloon and you would put your mouth on the balloon and it would kind of dissolve some of the taffy while you sucked in the helium and then I was with four people everybody would be oh my gosh,

this meal has been the most amazing meal of my entire life.

And then, you know, then you'd start talking and then you'd get another helium hit.

And oh my god, I'm never gonna get it.

Oh, wow.

Yeah, it was crazy.

And laughing and it was just a very memorable experience.

What's in the taste of the fairground as well?

What's in that one?

So that, he had that set up as a whole like a fairground, you know, and there were, oh, I don't know,

candy apples and toffee things and fudge things and marshmallow things and ice cream and uh it just was this beautiful sort of carousel of sugar it's sort of like uh a better version of what you did on bake off james

well yeah yeah yeah yeah well yeah i guess they improved on my idea yeah

at any point is there an iced egg involved in the taste of the piece i don't recall an iced egg but the next time I see Paul, I'll mention to him that he might want to consider that.

He might want to consider it.

If it was going to be taste of the fairground, I'd probably ice a coconut.

A whole coconut.

I have a coconut shine.

I ice the coconut properly to look like a happy person at the fairground.

That one with the helium balloons.

Yes.

Is that the chef who lost his sense of

smell or taste?

Taste.

I think he had

cancer of the tongue, I think.

Yeah.

Oh, wow.

He lost lost his sense of taste, this guy.

Yeah.

And then he's amazing.

It's an inspirational, brilliant story about how he survived and came back and now has more restaurants and is so successful.

Grant.

Imagine if you, as a comedian, lost your sense of humour.

Oh, no, that happened many years ago.

So,

read you back your menu and see how you feel about it.

Now, you know, you've had a lot of

people.

Struggle.

I've struggled with what's happening.

This is the most Benito has ever had to write during the podcast on

all the restaurants that are mentioned on the podcast so we can put them on the website

so people can people can go, oh, that sounds nice, I'd like to go there maybe one day.

And you have mentioned so many restaurants and I've seen how much he's had to write and it's making me laugh a lot.

Well I'm holding it I'm holding this in my hand now and let me tell you,

I mean I too thought that he was writing down all the names of the restaurants and stuff like that, but leading it back it says, Fairest princess.

It is I, the knight beneath her.

I am heavy on the mead.

It was a brutal day on the battlefield, and many lives were lost.

I have heard word that your head has been turned by the dark knight gamble.

See, you can do it.

You join in tonight, please.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

You just needed a knight to loosen up.

He's going to be ready.

You guys watch out.

Yeah.

He's getting, though, he's coming for the princess tonight.

A couple of flagons of ale.

Yep.

Okay, so you passed on the water.

I did.

You had the burnt black sesame bread with chicken liver pate from Babel.

Starter, Kamamoto Oyster from Southern Ocean Lodge on Kangaroo Island.

Your main course, charred octopus from La Tussie in New York City.

Side dish, hot and cold crude d'etay from Bohemian, also in New York.

Drink, milk punch from Faith and Flower in LA.

And dessert, Taste of the Fairground by Paul Ainsworth.

Wow.

I do.

I feel like I wish it was all here.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Yeah, it does sound like

a delicious meal.

I think out of all of our guests, you are the one who's done the most research

and has clearly eaten in some amazing places.

Some people just pick the ham.

Yes,

you've put more effort into your menu today than we've ever put into this podcast.

In all the

combined episodes that we've ever recorded,

you've put more effort into it for this episode.

I truly love food and I also love hosting.

And I know you guys are not from LA, so I really do.

You should go to Kismet.

You should go to Gorilla Takas.

We will go to those places and maybe take some photos of ourselves outside of them.

So far, we've taken one photo of one of us outside a restaurant.

It was me, and it was a restaurant that last time I went now, I shit myself.

So the photo is just to commemorate that.

I I was like, oh, there's that restaurant that I shat my pants in.

And then we went over and took a photo of me outside of it.

So, you know.

A lot of poop jokes going on.

Sorry, apart from that.

I'll be honest, it's been fairly light on the poop.

Oh, there's a lot of stuff we've been restraining.

When you said about the balloons full of helium, I said I was going to say about someone farting in it.

Yeah.

And that you go to eat the balloon and then someone as a prank has farted in your balloon.

But I didn't say it because I thought it would be an approach.

But you did now.

Yeah, well, yeah.

I just thought I'd be honest with you about what was going on.

I feel good about you being honest.

Be yourself.

No, I'm not sure.

I can take it.

The thing is, it wouldn't have been a good joke.

Kenny Bunkport would have said the fart thing.

Kenny Bunkport would have said it, but it would have been bad.

And, like, it's not a good joke.

Like, I knew at the time, don't say that.

That's stupid.

So I didn't say it.

But then I felt like, now we've acknowledged that we're just a couple of poop gag merchants.

We may as well admit that at one point I had that in my head.

Yeah.

And I'm quite ashamed of myself.

I'm podcasting the can now, so it's too late for you to back out, Terry.

Okay.

So if we'd been that horrible at the beginning, you could have said I'm out.

Wait, isn't there like a secret thing that I, if somebody, or do you guys not do that anymore?

There's a secret ingredient that if someone says then we have to kick them out the rest.

I was so sure that with all I talk about about food that I would say it.

Sure, yeah.

I was so thinking.

And then I was really imagining, what do they actually do?

Like, are they actually just going to say, Terry, you can leave now?

Yeah,

we would love to.

What's the word?

Well, so this time, and actually, I mean, it could have been, you've mentioned a lot of bread.

So many different breads.

So it could have been this, but it was,

And this is me.

I don't like this.

Ed likes it.

Yeah.

But I don't like it, so it's made the list of secret ingredients.

It's a brioche bun.

Oh, yeah.

I don't like brioche buns and burgers and stuff like that.

Oh, you don't.

What about a pretzel bun?

Do you like pretzel buns?

Well, I'd have a pretzel bun.

I'd have a potato bun.

There's loads of...

I'm just done with the brioche.

So brioche was the word?

Yes.

Brioche bun.

Brioche bun.

Brioche bun was the word.

It would have been out, especially.

If it were, I think if you'd said it in your dessert, we would have been a bit more lenient.

But if he was gone, a burger in a brioche bun, I'd be like, goodbye.

Wow.

And I would have taken your notes and I would have ripped them up.

I would have thrown him off the balcony as you were leaving.

If I don't handle rejection well, that would have been really bad.

But I kind of forgot about it once we were talking.

I didn't think about it until right now.

But then

before I came over here, I thought, oh, wow, I wonder what happens if you get kicked out.

Well, we're at the end now.

Feel free to say brioche bun now and then we'll kick you out.

I do make an unbelievable burger with brioche bunch.

Get out.

Terry Hatcher, get out of the dream restaurant.

Come back.

Wait, you don't want to hear how I inject it with duck fat and brie?

That sounds really good.

Come back, Terry.

Come back.

Duck fat and brie sounds good.

Terry Hatcher there.

Whoa, what a pleasure.

What a pleasure.

And what a menu.

I'd say, in terms of guests what we've had, that is the most dedication to food and the most research that's gone in.

I'm going to say so impressed.

I'm so impressed by

the amount of

work that went into it.

I'm humbled by the fact that someone would prepare so much for our podcast.

Oh, all those places sounded so good.

I felt stupid that I've not been to any of those places.

Oh, don't worry.

Oh, felt stupid.

Don't worry, man.

I just like

it.

Yeah, yeah,

we can't say that.

Yeah, Terry Hatcher.

Oh, yeah, those sound great.

Have you been to Egg Slut?

We went to Egg Slut.

Yes.

No, yeah, it's not fun to say.

Wonderful, wonderful menu.

And she did not say brioche buns, but very interesting to know that she was worried that she was going to say the secret ingredient.

Yeah, normally the guests don't come in, you know, going, uh-oh, I know, I know there's a secret ingredient here.

Probably pretty tense for the whole episode.

That was our doing there.

We've made people feel...

Feel on edge.

Thank God the secret ingredient was an octopus.

Yes.

Oh, but it will never be.

Are you going to eat it?

Yes.

Eat all those things, aren't you?

I can tell it in your eyes when Toy was explaining her menu.

So delicious.

You should hit us up on the socials.

That's all of us, including Terry.

Her Instagram account is Official Terry Hatcher.

And all of Terry's work speaks for itself.

She's got a huge back catalogue that you should go and fully investigate if you haven't.

Absolutely.

Ed, can people find you on social media?

Yes, but I'm very much here to plug the podcast social media.

Oh, yeah, that's

Off Menu Official.

At Off Menu Official is the Twitter.

Yes.

On Instagram, it's also at OffMenuOfficial.

And what's the website, Jane?

The website is offmenupodcast.com.co.uk.

So close.

So close, but really good, man.

You're totally getting there.

You're going to be an influencer before we leave LA.

Thank you, man.

Also, I mean, a lot, as we said in the episode, there were so many restaurants mentioned in Terry's episode, and they will all be on the Off Menu Official website.

There is a restaurants page on the website where Benito has painstakingly listed every single place that's mentioned in every single episode of this podcast.

he's put hyperlinks to all of them so that you can just click on the name and it will take you to the website of that place he's grouped it all into like here's all the london ones here's all the la ones here's all the new york ones here's all the ones in melbourne he's done all of that for you you can go on there it's an absolute dream but for a laugh tweet him

and ask

where those restaurants are where they are what was the restaurant you mentioned etc and terry is the final guest uh of this series of off Off Menu.

So, thank you very much to Terry.

Thank you, you, the listener.

We will be back soon in the Dream Restaurant with more special guests.

But for now, goodbye.

Goodbye.

Buonapetito.

Buonapetito, Mr.

Benito.

Hi, I'm Gina Martin, a campaigner and and writer.

And I'm Stevie Martin.

I'm a comedian and writer, and also we're sisters.

We are sisters, and we're doing our new podcast, Might Delete Later.

It's a podcast about social media, about going back, looking at your embarrassing ones, things you like, things you don't like, and we're talking to all different types of people.

So many different types of people, we've got writers, we've got comedians.

Maybe we'll get a politician.

Maybe we'll get a dog.

Maybe I'll talk to a plant, deal with it.

Who knows?

It's like a little snapshot into people's social media lives.

Yeah, and hopefully it'll make you think more about how you use social media and how you feel about it.

So do subscribe on all of the platforms that you usually get your podcasts on and visit at Might Delete LaterPod on Instagram because we're going to be putting up really fun videos and the things that you didn't see in the podcast episode.

Ooh, exciting.

Thanks, dudes.

And we're back live during a flex alert.

Dialed in on the thermostat.

Oh, we're pre-cooling before 4 p.m., folks.

And that's the end of the third.

Time to set it back to 78 from 4 to 9 p.m.

clutch move by the home team what's the game plan from here on out laundry not today dishwasher sidelined what a performance by team california the power truly is ours during a flex alert pre-cool power down and let's beat the heat together

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Oh, hi, James.

Have you heard the news?

Oh, yeah, go on.

You and I are modern boys because the off-menu podcast is now on YouTube.

this is embarrassing why is it embarrassing man you love youtube i love watching clips on youtube sure now people can watch clips of off menu on youtube and full episodes but it's embarrassing man it's not embarrassing at all it's really cool we're on youtube with the great and good the coolest people in the world are on youtube me you logan paul who's logan paul the dad from succession

At Off Menu Podcast, that's what Benito's calling us now.

And we're on TikTok.

This is embarrassing, man.

It's not embarrassing, man.

We're cool.

We're like Olivia Rodrigo.

And Ed.

People have been asking us, battering us, bothering us, actually.

They want to watch the Stephen Graham supercut from the Stephen Graham episodes.

They can see all of his reactions to us, everything that he did.

Oh, Benito has bent to their whims, and he's going to put it on YouTube.

He's going to do it.

Follow us at Off Menu Official on TikTok.

At Off Menu Podcast.

On YouTube, you can watch clips from the podcast.

And on YouTube, you can watch full video episodes.

People have been asking for it.

And you're finally getting it.

Full video episodes.

So you can see every single nuance on our little faces.