Ep 56: Jean Grae

James, huge news from the world of off-menu and indeed the world of the world.

Yes.

Ever heard of the Royal Albert Hall?

I have.

We've done live shows there.

And guess what?

We're doing more live shows there next year.

Sure, a lot of them are sold out already.

But we thought, hey, throw these guys a bone.

Let's put on one final Royal Albert Hall show in that run.

The show will be on Monday, the 16th of March.

It's going to be a tasting menu, a returning guest coming back, receiving the menu of another previous guest.

Those shows have been a lot of fun.

We cannot wait to do them live.

Who will we pull out of our little magic bag?

You'll have to come along on the 16th of March to find out.

If I'm correct in thinking, presale tickets go on pre-sale on the 10th of September.

Pre-sale tickets are 10th of September at 10 a.m.

And then the general sale is 12th of September at 10 a.m.

So if you miss out on the pre-sale, don't forget general sale is only two days later.

The day in between is for reflecting.

Get your tickets from royalalberthall.com Hall.com or offmenupodcast.co.uk.

We get it.

It's more important than ever to get the most out of your money.

Options are key.

Options like Lyft, where you get great rewards, especially with partners like Dash Pass by DoorDash.

If you're a Dash Pass member, just link your DoorDash account and you'll get 5% off on-demand rides, 10% off scheduled rides to the airport, plus two free priority pickup upgrades every month.

New to Dash Pass?

To sign up for a three-month free trial, check Lyft.

Terms apply.

There's nothing like sinking into luxury.

At washable sofas.com, you'll find the Anibay sofa, which combines ultimate comfort and design at an affordable price.

And get this, it's the only sofa that's fully machine washable from top to bottom, starting at only $699.

The stain-resistant performance fabric slip covers and cloud-like frame duvet can go straight into your wash.

Perfect for anyone with with kids, pets, or anyone who loves an easy-to-clean, spotless sofa.

With a modular design and changeable slip covers, you can customize your sofa to fit any space and style.

Whether you need a single chair, love seat, or a luxuriously large sectional, Anabay has you covered.

Visit washablesofas.com to upgrade your home.

Right now, you can shop up to 60% off store-wide with a 30-day money-back guarantee.

Shop now at washablesofas.com.

Add a little

to your life.

Offers are subject to change, and certain restrictions may apply.

And the way we make this hot podcast is we slice open the butt of your ears, we pop in the sausage of chat, and then we cover it all over with humor ketchup.

It's called the off menu special welcome to off menu welcome to off menu podcast with james a caster and a very new york sounding ed gamble now where have you picked up that accent from ed well of course james we're in new york so i've been here for a while now we've been here for like five days so i've really picked up the accent you know me i'm a linguistic sponge you are i mean it's amazing i i've not picked it up uh benito's not picked it up no it's because you don't listen you don't get out there on the streets and listen to the people around around you.

Yeah, that's very impressive, Ed.

Very impressive.

Of course, it's the off-menu podcast, so I can only mean one thing.

We're going to ask our guests, our guests, their favorite ever started main course dessert side edition drink.

We sure are.

We sure are, James.

And I can't wait to hear what our special guest this week has to say about what they want to eat.

Yes, she's a very, very special guest.

This week, our special guest is Jean Gray.

I'm walking here.

Jean Gray is, well, she's a phenomenal.

She's done so many different things.

I was introduced to her as a rapper.

She did an amazing album called Everything's Fine a couple of years ago.

She did many rap projects before that

as well.

And at the minute, she's writing for films and TV.

I'm very

comedy stuff.

I'm very jealous of people who can do all of those things.

Just done everything.

It's astounding.

I don't know how people found the time.

On top of all of that, I've been assured by you, you've heard rumours that she can cook very well as well.

I've heard that she is a mean chef.

That was the exact word.

Right, well, we'll discuss that with her.

So I wonder whether that will come up.

I hope so.

But even though she can do all of those things so well, if she says the secret ingredient, unfortunately, we will be removing her from the dream restaurant heavy.

Steady heavy heart.

We'll be cardinal out of here.

Oh, here he is.

I'm back again.

And this week's secret ingredient is Dorian fruit.

Dorian fruit?

Dorian fruit.

Is that what you're saying?

What you're saying?

Durian?

Gurian fruit.

Gurian?

Stinky ass fruit.

Stinky fruit.

The stinky fruit.

I believe Tom Kavidge mentioned it on his episode.

Yeah, yeah.

He said stinky fruit on that episode.

He said the stinky fruit.

Yeah.

You cut it open.

Yep.

It's stinky.

It's got stinky little pockets inside of it.

Yeah.

Oh, it stinks to high have.

You'll never...

In some countries where they sell it, it's banned on public transport.

Is that true?

It's true.

Is that what Tom Kevin said to you?

No, I've since done some research.

Oh, yeah.

It's banned on public transport because it stinks so much.

But some people like it.

In fact, there's a guy on Zumbo's Just Desserts used it in an ice cream.

Oh, did it?

You like Zumbo's Just Desserts, don't you?

Oh, I love it.

It's so great.

It's available here in New York.

Yeah, yeah.

On Netflix.

People can watch it on Netflix or back in.

In London, you can watch it on Netflix.

In England, all over England.

That's the good thing about Netflix.

It's global, baby.

Yeah, yeah.

So, yeah, if Sumbo's Just Desserts is on there, then someone makes a dessert with a stinky food.

We'd chuck that person out if they made it.

Everyone else in the kitchen is disgusted by it.

Yeah.

Zumbo himself.

Yeah, absolutely.

Even Zumbo's disgusted.

Okay.

It's very weird having to be the normal one.

Well, it's hard, isn't it?

I'm not used to it.

It's actually harder to be the normal one.

Yeah, it is actually a lot harder.

It's more work.

You've got to do more admin.

Maybe we should do some of the ad reads now.

I appreciate it.

It's like, it's really fun just to

be the silly one in all the year.

Someone's got to keep it on track, James.

Yeah, it must be very hard for you.

Oh, it's tricky, man.

But now we've discovered this character.

Yeah.

Fat Tony.

Fat Tony, that's the character in the series.

Fat Tony the Durian fruit.

He's actually a sticky friend.

I am a Durian fruit.

That's the twist.

I'm a stinky fruit.

So you're a stinky fruit, and that's why you don't want them to pick singy fruit.

If your gene picks stingy fruit, you'll be offended because you're a stinky fruit yourself.

Yeah, and I'm banned from public transport.

Yeah, yeah, you're banned from public transport.

because i stink because you stink

yeah that's fair enough well you know without further ado i can't believe i'm the one having to do this yes uh let's welcome into the dream restaurant gene grey

welcome gene to the dream restaurant yay

Welcome Gene Grey to the restaurant.

We've been expecting you for some time.

What was that sound?

Gas leak?

What's happening?

I don't like this restaurant.

Usually.

You might be the quickest person to leave the restaurant ever.

Welcome to the.

Oh, she's gone.

Well.

Usually that's the sound of

a genie emerging from his lamp, me being the genie, but today it is a gas leak.

Oh, okay.

Yeah, no.

We can stay here.

Maybe it'll make it really funny.

Yeah, yeah.

I think it's a load of...

I think it's pretty good gas.

I like my food with danger.

Yeah.

that's what you want.

It's laughing gas, so we'll be fine.

Oh, that's good.

That's okay.

Yeah.

You don't know why you have that in your restaurant.

It's just the best way to cook.

People don't know that actually cooking on laughing gas is really effective.

Oh, good.

Very tasty.

Laughing gas has a flavour to it that you can get.

But also, there's a bit of helium in there, so things might get weird later on.

Oh,

you could do that in post, Benito.

Just put the pitch our voices up gradually in the middle.

No, I'm fine.

This is it.

Yay!

Actually, we should should point out to the listener.

That wasn't, we haven't put that on in post.

That was Gene doing an actual voice.

Yeah, it was.

That was very good.

That was very impressive.

It's great.

It came out of nowhere.

Can you do voices?

What sort of voices do you want?

I don't know.

I never heard you do a voice before.

Yeah, you have.

Oh, I normally offer an amused boosh.

You've just learned how to say it properly.

Yeah, I've just learned how to say amused boosh.

Yeah, yeah.

I've been saying it very wrong, and then Ed corrected me on it.

I was saying amused boosh.

Oh, that's so much better.

Yeah, yeah.

But it's amused booche.

Amuse bouche.

Amous.

But I like to offer the guests an amused bouche so that you have a little surprise, little dish before the meal that you've planned yourself.

Okay.

So just put a

how do you feel about those things normally when the chef occasionally just sends out a little bonus dish at the beginning?

It depends.

It would depend on the restaurant.

Yeah.

Like,

if I'm doing some sort of, like, chef's uh table thing, then okay.

Yeah.

If you're just saying I'm like, this is fucking unnecessary.

You've got salt on the table, bitch.

Don't

then know.

So you mean that is the sort of restaurant it is if there's salt on the table.

That's not I thought you were saying, I don't need a moose bouche.

I'm just going to swig on the salt.

I'll just have the salt.

Or I think it it would be interesting in a in a home prepared situation.

I would accept that.

Like a good if someone came out with like uh it was a dinner party and they had eight spoons and they were like, it's just a one-bite thing, I'd be like, I'm in.

You're all right, I like that.

It's a nice little, yeah.

And then it's like, oh, I've gone to a nice bit of effort here.

Because do you have, back home we have a TV show called Come Dine With Me?

Do you have that?

Where it's like, it's like a reality show in a way, and just members of the public, like five strangers, have to have a meal together around one of their homes.

Yeah, but I've seen that.

I've seen that.

Yeah.

And then each of them.

And when when they all go to the next person's house and then the next person's house.

So it's like a quote.

And then they judge each other after, yeah.

Yeah.

But they all, they're always awful people and they always hate each other.

Yeah.

Because, I mean, they're strangers.

Like, I like a dinner party, but I don't necessarily like people

that I don't know in my home.

So that's a lot.

I don't understand the people who do like that.

Like, there's some people who enjoy that sort of situation.

They do.

It's like you go around someone's house and you don't know some people, and the host will be like, well, I'll put you next to this person that you don't know.

I think you'll get on.

It's like, well, I won't get on with them because I don't know what you're doing.

Yeah, no, I'm not doing that.

I carefully curate a company the same way that I will carefully curate a dinner because it's fucking important.

You've got to know what's going on in your circle of friends.

Unless you just want to set up murders.

Sure.

And you're like, I don't want to get my hands dirty.

You know that person will get riled up to the point they'll kill.

And you're like, this is entertaining.

That's the point, Ed.

At your wedding,

are you sitting me on a table of friends?

Of course.

You're not going to sit me next to people I don't know.

No, that's happened to me at weddings.

Do you have, are you doing a seating chart?

Yes.

There will be a seating chart.

Just so everyone knows where they're going to sit.

Do you need it?

I feel like, but then I feel like if there's not a seating chart, there might be a situation where someone gets pushed off a table onto a table of people they don't know.

Here's the thing.

People get up and they move around and they talk to each other and everyone just sits down.

I don't mind that.

We didn't do a seating chart and everyone was fine.

And then like sometimes people would get up and go chat with another table and be like, steal in your seat.

It was cool.

I feel like that will probably happen anyway.

But I guess it's just where you go when you get in the room the first time and then go and sit down.

And then they're up and then they're up and moving around.

And they're drunk.

Yeah.

I hope so.

Yeah, they're going to be.

Yeah,

you've got to make the time.

I mean, I'm not saying your wedding's going to be boring, but you know.

I'm going to get trashed.

There's going to be a lot of alcohol floating around.

Absolutely trashed.

But as long as you get trashed after you've pressed the play button on the music for Charlie to walk down the aisle to.

Yes, I've been put in charge of that.

Oh, that's a lot.

Yeah, I get to press play.

And choose the song, I think, yes?

No, that's not true at all.

Yes, yes.

I heard him.

I think that's what it means.

What song is your dream for my fiancée to walk down the aisle to?

Oh,

I'll just go with the general vibe on the day, I think, and how I'm feeling.

Some of Gene's music, perhaps?

Yeah, I could just put on it.

There's nothing appropriate.

Yeah, yeah.

He knows that, and that's why he's going to play it.

Yeah, I'm trying to think of

what song a part of Jeans

that would be appropriate for it.

I think I'd probably put on, you know, I know that Charlie and me both share a love of Pokemon, so I would probably play the Pokemon theme tune.

She'd love that, though.

Pokemon, gotta catch him on.

Would you just sing it over an instrument?

Yeah, it would be one that I've done at home.

Oh, I like that it would be pre-recorded.

Yeah, yeah.

Because I don't want the pressure of performing live on the recording.

Also, it's a big occasion.

You've got to pre-record for a big occasion, right?

Yeah.

Just me doing an acapella version of the Pokemon theme tune.

No music in the background.

No music.

I think Charlie would prefer that to what we've actually chosen.

Yeah, yeah.

Yeah.

Don't tell me what it is.

Oh, I haven't handed out the amuse boost yet.

No.

Oh, sorry.

Yeah.

Sorry, guys.

Yeah.

Raisins.

Okay.

Here's some questions.

So I have a couple of questions about the type of raisins and then the presentation of the raisins.

So is it, I would accept raisins if it was like golden raisins,

like good, plump golden raisins.

No?

Yeah, well, I was going to do, remember the California raisins?

Yeah, I was going to ask you, are you just doing like in a box?

small box of raisins and then you throw them out and you're like raisins yeah well it is raisins from those boxes but it's a cereal bowls worth so i filled a cereal bowl okay with those so i've emptied all those boxes.

Loose raisins.

Yeah, yeah.

They're loose all in a bowl, but it's like a cereal's bowl worth of California raisins.

What

season is it?

What season are the raisins from?

No.

What season is it?

That's very specific.

What season are we eating this meal?

I guess that's up to you because it's the dream restaurant, so you can sort of, you can have the meal at any time of the year that you prefer.

Okay, so this is

just a bowl of raisins for the table.

Yeah, with a teaspoon in it.

I am with it.

Yeah.

Yeah.

I like it.

Why don't you think that's your best amuse bouche yet?

Also, I should point out, even though I say California raisins, you don't mean the band.

They are California raisins, but I do mean the band.

Right?

Because you know how the band looks tastier than the real raisins?

Well, that's racist.

The raisins.

But the

man in the cartoons.

Yes.

They do look, they're very plump.

They look plump and tasty.

Yeah, and then the raisins.

I remember watching the cartoon and being like, I want to eat those raisins.

And then like I'd get the box and be like,

well, that's because it was filmed like 30 years before the raisins came out.

So they were younger.

That's true.

So these are in their heyday.

These raisins.

Yeah, that you've got there.

Yeah, I want some heyday raisins.

Yeah.

I'd be like, this is intriguing.

I'm not sure what's going to happen here.

And there is still salt on the table.

Controversially, I think the heyday of any raisin is when it's a grape.

Oh, yeah.

It's disrespectful to raisins.

Don't you think look, raisins are tasty, but you're very much catching, you're catching them

on the downswoop.

Yeah.

And then you got to be like, you know what?

You're still okay.

You've still got it.

Yeah, even, you know, that's fine.

But, you know,

do you think a butterfly's heyday is when it was a caterpillar head?

No.

No, good point, actually.

But I wouldn't eat them at any point.

Well, you wouldn't eat a butterfly?

I wouldn't eat a butterfly.

What if

the apocalypse, right?

Yeah.

Yeah.

And then you haven't eaten in like a week or so.

yeah, and you stumble upon this

greenhouse

full of thriving, plump, happy butterflies.

Okay, how many of them would you eat?

Well, yes, I've got a big appetite at this point, yeah, so I'm gonna need a lot, I'm gonna need to get a lot of butterflies to fill me up, and they're so beautiful.

Yeah, bearing in mind, after I've eaten the butterflies, I'm gonna feel really nervous.

Yeah,

oh, yeah, is this is this what what every episode is like?

To be honest, yes.

Yes.

But normally I'm the one saying how many butterflies would you like.

Normally that's me doing that kind of stuff.

It's so nice to hear someone else say this kind of a question.

How many plump butterflies do you think you're going to eat?

Delicious, beautiful.

Because literally

before you said that, I was going to say, you've got to eat a caterpillar or a butterfly.

What one do you choose?

Yeah.

So like, you know.

I think it's a butterfly, actually.

It is.

I think it is because the the caterpillar is protein, but with a butterfly, it feels like with the wings, you're getting a salad at the same time.

Wow.

I think I would want to eat

the caterpillar while it's in the chrysalis, change it into a butterfly because you get a crunchy chrysalis outside.

You can deep-fry

that.

I feel like a butterfly, if you're like in a fight club mood and you want to destroy something beautiful and you just

losing your shit.

But like caterpillar otherwise, I guess.

And it's properly in a fight club movie if you eat a caterpillar and a butterfly because they're basically the same character, but they look different.

Oh, shit.

Spoiler warning.

Spoiler warning.

Also, I like how you basically compared a butterfly to Jared Leto just then.

That's not true.

30 seconds to math.

Sorry about that.

Sorry about that joker, Jared.

I'm still mad about that.

Yeah, whatever.

That's so funny to me.

The joker thing.

Because he worked so hard.

Oh, so funny how much he went into it.

He worked so hard.

And people were like, everyone else in the cast was so mad at him.

Yeah.

Well, because everyone else has played the Joker before him.

Just didn't plan on it, but got consumed by the character and it was a problem for them.

And he heard about that and was like, I'm going to make that happen.

I'm not going to just

have it happen to me.

Learn how to act.

Yeah.

I'm going to send Will Smith a pig's head.

Crazy.

I think he did.

He sent someone a pig's head.

He did.

Yeah.

He did.

There you go.

But then to finish that film, and then for basically, they rushed out and they were like, we've got another Joker project without Jared Leto in it.

And then it absolutely killed it.

And

he's going to win an Oscar.

Yeah.

It's so fucking funny.

And also, the Joker would not send anyone a pig's head.

That shit is lame.

No.

That's lame.

I had a birds of prey-themed banana pudding from Magno Devil.

I didn't know where that was going.

What did you think?

I thought you were going to be like birthday party.

Alright.

You know, we don't know each other.

That's cool.

I had a birds of prey theme.

Birthday party.

Not the film.

Yeah,

I just love.

Just predatorial birds.

My dad dressed as a buzzard.

It was a great day.

I don't know if my dad would dress as a buzzard.

I think my dad would dress as an eagle.

Yeah.

My mum would want to dress as a kestrel, I think.

Yeah.

My mum likes kestrels a lot.

Wow.

Yeah.

Always stop in the car to look at kestrels.

Just in the middle of the motorway.

Yeah,

our whole childhood.

We'd go on holidays where there were birds of prey flying around, so they'd like to look at them.

If there's ever a kestrel, car gets stopped, getting out, looking at the kestrel, it looks the same as the last kestrel they saw, back in the car, drive on again.

So you might have had a

birds of prey themed birthday party in the middle of the day.

So what I was not that far off?

I had a Birds of Prey-themed childhood.

Yeah.

And now I just limit it to banana pudding.

It doesn't really link with the Harley Quinn thing too much, but basically what they've done is they've made the cake pieces in the banana pudding pink,

like bright pink, and the whole pudding colour.

And so it's like, it looks like the Harley Quinn kind of colours.

Was it good?

It was pretty good, but then I also bought like a small regular banana pudding, and that was better.

Yeah, but I bought one of each and was like, compared them.

I was like, Did you do it right at the counter?

Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah.

I was like,

let's see if it's got a bunch of things.

And that pudding was themed on Uncut Gems, wasn't it?

Yeah, sure.

I was in an uncut gems, and it was like, I don't want to tell you how it ended, but

just an anxiety-ridden banana pudding.

You were so stressed out the whole time.

When you're making all the wrong decisions,

you don't know where to put the spoon, just jamming it in my ear.

No, James, please.

Just eat it.

Maybe there's a way I could get more banana pudding.

No, just eat that one pudding.

Just fucking eat it.

We usually start the meal with still or sparkling water, Gene.

Like any good restaurant, give you the choice of still or sparkling.

Or tap or whatever.

No.

But I do like when people choose tap water, only because a lot of times I feel like I just want to say tap water.

Yeah.

Yeah.

And then I'm like, no, sparkling.

Nobody will care.

Like if I say tap water, they're going to walk away like, all right.

Well,

she's never been outside before.

Sparkling, I've been very into sparkling water for the past year.

Oh, just the past year?

Like, I think I might have a problem.

Oh, really?

Yeah.

Like, are you brushing your teeth with it?

Not yet.

Thank you for the idea.

Yeah, you genuinely, when I said that, you're like, oh, I could do that.

No, we just like go through like a lot of boxes a week.

And I realized like full-on like cases of sparkling water.

Wow.

And like two months ago, I was like,

hey, we might have a problem.

So when did this start?

And what started it?

We went to a friend's house when we were editing

something.

It was, this is, this is such a stupid like introduction to how you can get hooked up something.

And it was super late, and everyone was tired.

He was like, you guys want some sparkling water?

And we were like, yeah, I guess.

And we were drinking it and we were like, oh, this is so cold.

I was like, I've had sparkling water before.

What is happening right now?

And then, like, a couple of days later, I'm like,

think we should get some sparkling water for the house?

And it has never stopped.

Boxes and boxes.

Boxes and boxes.

And we try different flavors and different, like, I get really excited when they're on sale.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Rack them up.

What's your favorite flavor?

What flavor would you like in the dream restaurant?

Yeah.

Ooh.

Well, is this for the meal that I've that I'm doing?

No, so

you can pick another drink later on.

Okay.

I really, um, a ginger?

Wow, I've never had a ginger sparkling water.

Is this a look looks like?

La Koix.

La crox.

La crocks.

La cracks.

It's um, it's a Whole Foods makes a really good

just

brand.

It's just a plain old little ginger.

Whole Foods is a bigger thing over here than it is in the UK.

I think we've got like a few.

There's a few, yeah.

But like

it's much more of an institution here.

Yeah,

it's bad.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Is it essentially a healthier place?

I always go there thinking that.

And then I buy all the unhealthy stuff and it's just as unhealthy.

It depends on what you buy.

Do they not use like artificial sugar or something?

They don't use artificial sugars.

I mean, I don't believe anyone about anything.

I cook everything from scratch, scratch, just so I know what's going into everything.

So, I mean, I don't know.

Get some fucking fresh produce and ingredients and make some shit.

Otherwise, you don't know.

I have heard a rumor that you're, and I quote, a mean chef.

I am.

What I've been told.

I am.

You mean a good chef, though, not just someone who's a child?

No, no,

he means a mean chef.

You try to go in your kitchen, you're like, fuck off.

No, I'm a dick.

Like Gordon Manchester.

More, more, more.

More than Gordon Manchester.

Less than Ramsey.

Yeah, because he threw a kid's plate towards the ocean once.

I was like, just throw the fucking kid.

What are you going to fucking around here?

Let him know what's up.

He threw a kid's plate in the ocean.

They were doing a challenge, and he was like, what is this?

And threw the plate.

I was like, oh, that's harsh.

Could learn from you.

There's that gif of Gordon Ramsay, which I think must be from

Hell's Kitchen, where he's got two pieces of sandwich.

Yeah.

Two pieces of sandwich.

Have you seen this, James?

Yes, well, it's abuse.

Yeah, two pieces of bread on something and saying you're an idiot sandwich.

What are you?

Well, he says, what are you?

So he's not even saying you're an idiot sandwich.

He said, what are you?

And she says, I'm an idiot sandwich.

Also, I would not have gotten that.

No, that's an amazing gift, right?

Headphones?

I don't know what it would be.

I don't know what you're doing.

You don't know what you're doing.

The bread here to giant.

Yeah, that would be very difficult.

I mean, I assume, like, he'd run

through it before.

Go, look, listen.

Yeah.

There's a chance I'm going to lose it today.

If I do lose it, I'm probably going to grab two pieces of bread and slap them on your list.

And listen, when I do that, I'm going to say to you, what are you?

I want you to say you're an idiot sandwich.

And then it wouldn't have worked.

And then we would have gotten there and they would have been like, what are you?

And I would have been like, your mom's a bitch.

I can't do this.

I can't.

I don't care about winning.

Yeah, it would be very difficult to just say an idiot sandwich back to him.

You'd be very tempted to go, what are you?

I'm your friend.

I'm an employee.

I'm your best friend.

I'm a good person.

I'm your mom.

I'm your mum would be such a great one.

What the?

I'm your mom.

Poppin's or bread.

Poppin' ups or bread, Gene.

Poppin' ums or bread.

Pop it ums.

Yeah.

Wait, no.

Okay, so

it

not a good decision.

Because it depends on the day.

I don't know.

I have a bread issue.

Like, um, and I know that I'm not supposed to eat a lot of it because I am an old person and it doesn't go away the way that it used to go away.

But if I could just have like bread and cheese and wine, I would be happy.

Yes.

Like a good piece of bread, like a crusty bread that's soft and warm with like a good olive oil dip and or like an unsalted butter or something and like some cheese and some wine.

What else needs to happen?

That's happiness.

I want to

hone in on there is unsalted butter.

Yeah.

A lot of people come on this podcast and they're very firm.

I can't believe it.

The more salt, the better.

The more salt, the better.

On butter?

Yeah, they like but the more

Well, look, I'm one of those bitches.

You want a salted butter?

Yeah, I like the French salted butter that's got like huge lumps of salt in it.

Okay, can I give you this?

Can there be like a sea salt on the table?

Yeah.

So you can do it yourself?

Because I feel like, yeah, if I can control the amount of things, because sometimes I want some salt in my olive oil.

Yeah.

So this goes back to your cooking everything from scratch and wanting to know what's going into everything.

Yeah.

So you can sort of put the salt in yourself if you feel like

if I'm working with a well, I don't want to buy a bunch of different butters.

So if I start with like a really good unsalted butter, that means I can use it for multiple things.

Like I can put it on the table, but I can also cook with it and not have to be like, oh, now I don't know how much salt is going into food.

Yeah.

Nice.

I'm being one over now to the world of unsalted butter.

Welcome.

It's like a base pain.

There's been so much salted butter talk on this podcast.

It's good to get the opposing view for once.

Yeah, it is.

It is.

Yeah.

Just start with a good base.

And I think that's one thing that I'm not mad about.

Like if you leave it out on, if you leave salt on the table for that portion, then I'm fine.

Then let people kind of go with it and be like, oh, cool.

I get to decide what kind of really makes me happy.

And I think just because it's that bread portion of the meal, that's the set it off.

You got in there, you're hungry.

Like when bread comes to the table, and even people who are like, oh, I don't don't think I'm gonna have any bread.

Five minutes later, they're like, I'll just have a little bit of bread.

I'll just have some of it.

Also, so if this is, she said bread, cheese, and wine,

we could do like a little

dish that's like, you know, a bit of bread, a bit of cheese, and like a shot of wine.

For the bread course, do you want to add

cheese and wine to the bread course?

No, you overridden that shit.

Ed's the proprietor.

I would put it on the menu.

Yeah.

So let's wait and see what Gene's got on the menu later on.

Okay.

All right.

So is it poppa doms or bread you're picking here?

Or even like, I mean, there might be bread.

I'm picking bread.

You are picking bread.

And is it a particular type of bread?

Yeah, just a good like baguette that's just on the on the table.

Yeah.

Like with just sliced enough so people can like reach in and tear pieces off.

Yeah, yeah.

I like that my voice got really soft while I was talking.

I love food very much.

That's good.

We're off.

You're in the right place.

There's nothing like sinking into luxury.

At washable sofas.com, you'll find the Anibay sofa, which combines ultimate comfort and design at an affordable price.

And get this, it's the only sofa that's fully machine washable from top to bottom, starting at only $699.

The stain-resistant performance fabric slip covers and cloud-like frame duvet can go straight into your wash.

Perfect for anyone with kids, pets, or anyone who loves an easy-to-clean, spotless sofa.

With a modular design and changeable slip covers, you can customize your sofa to fit any space and style.

Whether you need a single chair, love seat, or a luxuriously large sectional, Anibay has you covered.

Visit washable sofas.com to upgrade your home.

Right now, you can shop up to 60% off store-wide with a 30-day money-back guarantee.

Shop now at washable sofas.com.

Add a little

to your life.

Offers are subject to change and certain restrictions may apply.

We get it.

It's more important than ever to get the most out of your money.

Options are key.

Options like Lyft, where you get great rewards, especially with partners like Dash Pass by DoorDash.

If you're a Dash Pass member, just link your DoorDash account and you'll get 5% off on-demand rides, 10% off scheduled rides to the airport, plus two free priority pickup upgrades every month.

New to Dash Pass?

To sign up for a three-month free trial, check Lyft.

Terms apply.

So we come to your starter then.

Okay.

Your dream starter.

Is it based on something you've actually

come from a specific place?

So when I was thinking about this meal, I was like,

what makes my dream meal?

Or like, what makes it, and I was like, well, something that I would eat all by myself would be totally different than what my dream meal would be.

Because my dream meal involves like cooking the whole thing for like eight people.

Like it's a sit-down dinner.

Like it's

the process of making it for people, too.

It's not just me enjoying it.

But we can do that.

It's an open kitchen, so it's your dream meal.

If you want to get in there and cook it yourself, there's no.

I'm chucking the keys over the table to you for the kitchen.

Okay.

So then, since we already did bread, I think we're going to have to go into

this is

double breads.

Oh, yeah.

Because I do want to do like a really good charcuterie plate.

I need like three cheeses, like a soft cheese and a mid cheese and a hard cheese.

And I need some like fig preserves and I need some olives and I need some cranberries.

Oh, yeah.

And I need some like roasted almonds.

And then some like thin meats for whoever needs the thin meats.

Ed, I mean,

your heart has got to be singing right now.

This sounds absolutely incredible.

We're going to need to really delve into what cheese is specifically.

Okay.

Well.

Ed ordered something like this the other day and absolutely ruined his main course.

I couldn't wait.

And

I ordered the small one and I thought, I'll get the small one and it'll be fine.

And it was...

It was like a pile.

It's like they emptied a whole deli counter onto the plate and I fell on it like a swarm of locusts and devoured it and then had a huge plate of pasta for my main course and yeah, spoil it.

But any regrets, Ed?

No, no regrets at all.

No, no, no regrets because pasta's coming up.

Yeah.

Brie.

I went Brie.

There's a

like you do a you take the bread and then you hollow it out and then you fit like a wheel of brie in that and then you shove it in the oven and you take it out and people can just rip off the pieces of bread with like the melty cheese on it.

Yeah.

I've never done that, Gene, at home.

It's real good.

It's real easy.

This is a real insight into my life.

I have watched multiple YouTube videos of people people doing that and imagining that I'm eating it.

Yeah, well, I guess I did it.

There we go.

Do you put like, obviously, people put like garlic and herbs in it as well, so it's like turns into a proper like fondue sales.

I don't think it needs to.

I think that's too much.

Yeah.

I think, um,

I think, I think, chill, you've done enough.

Yeah.

That's cool.

Yeah.

People are like, I just want to taste the brie.

I don't need to, I don't need it to do anything else.

Like, more flavors coming later.

Yeah, yeah.

And what thin meats are we talking?

Some sort of prosciutto, some, you know, like spec, whatever's going on.

A hard salami, maybe.

Yeah.

People like a hard salami.

Maybe a spicy hard salami on there that people can just cut off.

And some sort of stinky cheese.

Oh, yeah.

Maybe a rockfort.

Maybe a rockfort cheese.

I had a rock fort the other night at my friend's house, and he bought it from he bought it from the cheesemonger around the corner from him and it was the pepperiest thing I've ever tasted.

It's the strongest rock for I've ever had to the point we were eating it and going, I don't think I can have any more of it.

You're like, okay, this is a bit much.

Yeah, it's a bit too much.

It was like weapons grade rock fort.

It's really full on.

So a medium, a medium.

A medium.

It's a medium rock fort.

Right, okay.

There's different levels of this.

Yeah.

I mean, I've never heard of it.

Yes.

Good Manchega.

Yes.

I love Manchayga.

And I would also like to say that the starter wines and beverages should be happening right now.

Okay, I think that's a good idea.

Starter cocktails, nothing heavy.

Like maybe some

any like things with

grapefruit or like groanings

or

any dirty martinis.

That's a good time for that with like some stuffed olives in them.

Yeah.

Prosecco.

A light white wine.

White wine.

So you're just loosening things up?

Just like, hey, you're in a thing.

And everybody's like, yeah, I like food.

Yeah.

I like food.

Do we all like food?

This is so nice.

I'm so glad you did this.

I think Dirty Martini is more than a loosener, though, isn't it?

That stuff is rocket fuel.

Well, it depends who you are.

And also, I think if you're a person who's like, I don't want to eat too much, and you're like, I'm going to eat my drink at the same time, just put two giant olives on that shit.

And I'm just going to sit with it for a good half an hour.

That's not bad.

You could put a slice of prosciutto in the top as well.

You could do whatever you want.

That's a really dirty martini.

Roll it up like a cigar and put it in the top.

I'm not mad at that.

No.

Melt straw.

Teaspoon of melted brie.

Lovely stuff.

Yeah.

Do you use the meat as a straw?

Just slurp the martini first?

You could

glue some meats together with cheese and use them as a straw.

A long straw.

You could put a couple of raisins in the bottom of the martini, like a callback.

And people would be like, oh yes.

Yeah, I remember the Amoz bush.

You got them knocking around anyway.

There's a whole cereal bowl full of them.

They're putting it all gone.

Yeah.

Yeah, no one's.

No one has had them.

No one.

What was that, Ed?

On your one that you had the other day, there was like quite a dark meat on the top.

What was that?

I think it was like a brasola.

Yeah.

What animal's that?

I couldn't tell you.

It might be, it might be beef.

I actually don't know what animal a brisola is.

They're normally pig, right?

It's pretty nice.

They're normally.

Usually pigs.

Yeah, I'm going to have to.

Sorry, I'm going to have to look up Brisola.

Rich dark meat.

Yeah, it was very tasty, actually.

I snaffled that one.

Beef.

Brisola is an air-dried salted beef that has been aged two to three.

That would be nice.

Until it becomes hard and turns a dark red, almost purple colour.

There we are.

There you go.

Joe, how thin is that?

Pretty thin.

Same thickness as prosciutto.

I can get into that.

Very tasty.

That sounds lovely.

So immediately you're off to a communal start.

People are getting involved with the char couture

and you've got some drinks flowing, different cocktails, different things.

Everyone's hinges are nice and greased.

That's right.

Rampant.

Working them into fattening them up, to murder them later in the kitchen, and then keep them in the restaurant dungeon for three months until we serve them at the next party.

Wafer fin cuts

each person.

Throwing their plates in the ocean as well, giving riding the evidence, yeah, and then cutting them up and making a load of idiot sandwiches.

That's right, yeah, literally.

I'm going to open that restaurant right next door called Idiot Sandwich, yeah, and it is thin cuts of human

on two slices of bread.

You should open two of them either side of the

Corden Ramsey's restaurant.

So, your main course, This is early, so you've you've ramped them up to this.

Here's my question.

How

because it's a bunch of people,

how many main courses can I have?

Now

it's really, it's really one.

But also, you've come in here.

It's a communal Italian dinner.

And you have specified that.

Bullshit.

You don't put out one fucking dish at an Italian dinner.

Everyone will kill you.

Well, it depends on the size of the dish, I suppose.

If it's like a whole roast pig or something.

I'll tell you what you can do.

Yeah.

You can say

which one you are eating.

So we'll take that as your favourite one.

Okay.

And you can also say the other ones that you're putting out on the table for everybody else.

But you're not allowed to touch those other ones.

Yeah.

Okay.

You can only eat one of them.

But you're allowed to put all of them on the table for all your friends.

Well, first I'll tell you which ones I pick for the summer.

Are we doing all the seasons?

No, just two.

Okay, yeah.

Because very, very, very, very different.

I want to do like a really good marinated for a long time, like a brick oven chicken, like a garlic roasted chicken.

Yeah.

Like just smashed down, specifically needs a brick oven.

And then like a broccoli raw side.

I'm not supposed to be telling you sides yet.

I I don't know.

It's okay if you want to eat.

I think what you're trying to do is include the side in the main and then you can pick more sides.

I see what's going on.

Okay.

Okay, so that's my main.

That's the one I'm going to eat.

You're eating the chicken chicken.

I'm eating the brick chicken.

Yeah.

Okay, cool.

I've only had brick chicken once in my life, but I liked it very much.

It's really good.

Austin, Texas, in a place called Laundrette, which was really a good restaurant.

I don't know if it's even still there anymore.

It's years ago.

But it was an excellent restaurant.

Oh, you don't mean you bought some chicken and then ate it in the launderette?

No, no.

Because that's the sort of thing you do.

It is the sort of thing I do, and it's not, you know.

That's a good podcast.

I've got sadder stories.

I've done worse than that.

That wouldn't even be considered demeaning in my world.

At least I'm indoors.

A whole chicken?

Like a rotisserie chicken?

It was.

I don't think it was a whole rotisserie chicken.

It was like a, it wasn't a whole

half or whatever, but it was like a milk.

Oh, I'm in the laundromat.

Oh, oh, yeah, yeah.

Oh, yeah, yeah yeah sure the laundry in the laundromat i wasn't even eating were you doing laundry or not just a i think it's a pigeon that they caught outside okay eating that out of the drum it's actually a good place to eat a whole chicken because you get grease all down your front and then just wash your clothes straight straight in the machine just that would be a very entertaining thing to do

i just want to let everyone know that i'm kind of looking off into the distance which means i'm probably going to do this at some point

is the chicken uh is it spatchcock is it like all flat yeah I've never done that before.

How did you do it?

It's the only way that I like to cook chicken and also turkey on Thanksgiving really, really helps.

Cuts down like hours.

And it's never dry because I don't fucking like turkey except when it's done that way.

Except for the fact that I also

am apparently not eating meat anymore because my body said no.

Oh, really?

But still like to cook it and think about it.

So thank you for this show.

You flip it over, you take a real sharp knife with some sharp scissors, and you cut the backbone out,

and then you flip it back over and you smash the chicken down.

You're like, who's your fucking mom?

And then that's it.

You just got to take that piece out, and then it kind of just opens it up so everything just cooks evenly.

And it's really lovely.

What you put, you put garlic on it?

Well, first, I want to make a garlic buttered rosemary lemon rub that you do all under the skin.

And then do a really good marinade with like some citrus and some garlic and some herbs and lemon and let that sit for a few hours.

That's amazing.

That sounds great.

Also, a question about, you said you do it with turkeys as well.

Yeah.

Is your oven massive?

No, and that's why you have to spatchcock a fucking turkey.

Right.

Because otherwise the height of it, you can't fit anything else.

But how wide does it get?

Not bad.

It um, cool.

So you can do it like long,

long ways.

Oh, okay, I see what you mean.

Turn it and then be able to fit like other things or something like small alongside with it, where whereas before it was just like the turkey's in, that's it.

We just have it turned out.

It's good luck with having everything out at the same time.

I just imagine unfolding a turkey to the size of like a world map.

Yeah, that's how big I'd imagine it would be.

Yeah.

It's like the height of a door.

yeah

it's not bad we had um

uh how many it was a smaller thanksgiving this year we had like six people over this year and that turkey was it was us maybe like an 11 pound turkey but it was still around for like a week right yeah not going anywhere for a while yeah we asked it's a leaf yeah it's still

hanging around trying to

have a chat you took it out by backbone how am i supposed to go

to walk

don't you what guys want to hear about the pilgrims again I wanted to talk more about the pilgrims.

Get out of here, Thanksgiving turkey.

This holidays, well, Jennifer.

You're going to have to throw me in the ocean.

You know I like to gloss over stuff.

What a great turkey.

I like the character of the turkey.

So you're spatch cocking the chicken.

You've got lemon and herbs, all sorts in there.

You've marinated it.

And you've got the broccoli Rob you've chucked in on the side there.

I like it, yeah.

I like like broccoli rob because it, um, a lot of people don't enjoy it.

I like the fact that it's a little bit bitter.

I like that.

And just I like doing something with like

really simple with roasting with like sea salt, pepper, lemon, olive oil, garlic.

That's it.

Yeah.

We don't really get broccoli rub in

England, right?

The first time I heard.

Is it the leaves?

No, it's kind of bitter.

It's like a better broccolini.

Right, okay.

The first time I heard the term broccoli rob, it was in the American version of The Office, where Andy Bernard's character, one of his friends from University.

Oh, it was broccoli rob.

It's broccoli rob.

Oh, yeah, okay, I remember that.

In his a cappella group, Here Comes Trouble.

I love,

yeah, but that's the first time I heard the term broccoli rob.

Yeah, I think I've seen it on Man vs.

Food as well.

Yes, I had heard it on

and then forgot about it.

25 pounds of broccoli

covered with chilies or crying.

So you've got you've got you've got the chicken and the broccoli roll.

What else are you putting on the table for your guests?

So many things

that I can't see.

I wanted to do a pasta and I think I was I was good with this meal taking place and like end of summer.

This is end of summer meal.

Nice.

Yeah.

And is it like it feels like you're kind of outdoors.

Yes.

Yeah.

But I like an outdoors indoors situation.

So the table's kind of indoors, but there's like a wall that can open up to the outdoors.

Yeah.

Like a patio kind of thing.

Like a fucking garden patio thing going on.

So you got some pasta going on?

So I'd love to do like a good

angel hair seafood pasta with like some head-on prawns and scallops.

Yeah.

Just really, really nice and simple and fresh.

And

I think garlic, olive oil, salt, pepper can make everything fucking amazing.

Yeah.

Maybe a little bit of red pepper, maybe a couple of chilies to spice it up.

Why is the head still on the prawns?

I knew that was coming up.

Because I'm not a monster.

I'm not going to rip their heads off.

They have families.

But eventually, someone's going to rip the head off.

I mean, that's not on me.

Yeah.

Sure.

So you're leaving that to your guests to rip the head off.

off that's what you do with your life

um flavors does it adds the flavors

um you know saute them a little bit in the in and some garlic and some olive oil and then take the prawns out and then toss everything back in just so they're getting some of that like prawny flavor where it's like head off you don't get that as much no right and then it's fun to eat i have a hard problem sitting with people like oh i don't know it's got a face i'm like it had a whole fucking family Like, it's the same, it had a face.

It still had a face, even if you don't see the face.

Just eat the food.

Yeah, yeah.

Are people taking the heads off or are they eating the heads?

You gotta take the head off, and then you gotta suck the

juices out.

You gotta suck the juices out of the head.

Yeah.

You love that kind of stuff, Ed?

I'd totally do that.

If I was told to, I'd just eat the head.

Yeah, you would.

Just eat the whole food.

It's just crunchy.

You would eat them.

Well, you were eating those butterflies.

Yeah, oh, yeah.

Yeah.

Yeah, yeah.

I'd eat the thorn head.

Fill up on butterfly.

I've run into

a butterfly house with my mouth open.

I'm not going to leave the head.

I've eaten like a fully deep-fried, like, just go in,

like, just eat the whole thing.

Yeah.

Yeah.

You'd do that.

You wouldn't do that, would you, James?

I wouldn't do it, but then I wouldn't be able to back myself up on why.

Yeah.

You know, I'll be like, oh, I don't want to do it.

But then if someone said to me, why not?

I wouldn't really be able to ask.

There's this person at the table, too.

And you're like, why fucking not?

And you're like, I don't know.

Well, this is what you've got got to know about me: is that my whole life, that's what, like, I'm scared of.

Being questioned?

Is that there's someone around going, why not?

Basically, I think there's someone who's going to go, you're stupid, you're doing stupid stuff.

And there's someone around who's waiting to punch me in the face.

And that's like my whole life has been, I think I'm going to get punched.

I've never been punched before.

But in my head, I'm going to get punched, and I'm just trying to avoid getting beaten up or punched all the time.

Oh, you got to get punched.

It's the only cure for that worry, right?

It's like

I had a huge fear of falling off stages and I was like, it's going to happen at some point.

And then that thing goes away.

And walked into this venue and it was the one I looked up and I was like, it's tonight.

I know it is.

This is the most dangerous stage we've seen.

I'm going to do it.

And I totally did.

And I broke my foot.

You got to get punched.

I mean, I don't know, because that story you just told doesn't sound like a nice ending, but

it sounds like you had fun.

No, it's not going to be fun.

But getting punched in the face.

Your fear of falling off stages is gone now.

Yeah.

Yeah.

But now I'm scared that people are going to be listening to this and they're like, I want to punch you against it.

I'm going to punch you in the face.

Well, please don't.

Kind of, you guys, maybe make it happen.

Oh,

but.

Oh, no.

But, like, don't, don't, don't, don't do, like, a, like a deform, deform him punch.

Thank you.

Because, like, he's got to use his face.

Yeah.

Like, don't break his nose or anything.

This is my bread and butter.

Yeah, don't break anything.

Like, a good shiner

would do.

No, shiner, aim for the eyes.

Well, not like in the middle of your face.

You don't want to like break your cheekbone.

Don't punch him in the face uppercut.

Upper cut.

No.

A jaw.

Yeah, no,

that's not good.

Well, in the middle of the head.

None of it.

It's middle of the head.

The forehead.

It's not good.

Middle of the forehead.

No, it's got to be like a good.

It's got to be an eye punch, but not like too hard.

I like my eyes.

You got to go.

You got to.

Never a fight.

Like,

no fights or like you've never been punched or like everything was like a slap fight.

Well, just know this, listeners.

If any of you punch me, I will stab you.

I like that.

Yeah.

So, you know, come at him.

What if

I punch you?

Yeah.

I'm so strong that I'll punch in your head or come off and then I'll pick your head up and I'll suck all the juice out.

Oh.

Oh, that's so sweet.

Yeah.

None of that was sweet.

It was a reference to something.

Oh, yeah, it made a little reference to something else.

Yeah.

Thank you, Jean.

How nice.

I'm a good friend.

Thank you for sucking all the juice out of my head.

So at this point in the meal, I think it would be cool if, like, while we're all eating, that I have someone come up, like, I hire someone just to come out and just punch you real fast.

Yeah, yeah.

Well, and then, like, give you a drink.

Yeah, well, it's your dream meal.

So at your dream meal, I will let you get someone out to punch me in the face.

Gordon Ramsey?

No,

like a professional.

So we know it's not going to damage you.

Yeah.

Is there anyone in particular that that springs to mind who would be able to punch me in the face and not do too much damage?

I think anyone who's professional in fighting would do damage, right?

Not Stephen Seagal.

He does not pull his punches.

Yeah, yeah.

He doesn't know how.

No, he doesn't.

Yeah.

I think he would still feel like he's got someone to prove that he's still got it.

Yeah, but he'd be real slow and you'd be able to move out of the way.

He'd make it look impressive, but it wouldn't be painful.

No.

Yeah, and I also wouldn't want someone who's like

the rock or anything, because I think he's a nice guy, but like, I think even when he was going easy, he would kill me.

With one finger, he would turn your head to dust.

Yeah, it'd just be evaporate immediately.

Yeah, that's like a Thanos punch.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Yeah, I don't know.

I don't want to be dusted.

Kevin Hart.

He's small.

Yeah, Kevin Hart can

have to jump.

Or he could stand on a chair.

Stand on a little chair.

But then the element of surprise is lost.

When you hear him

dragging over a chair.

Yeah.

Who is that?

Kevin?

Cat Williams?

He's small, small, but he's fast.

Yeah, Cat Williams, small, fast.

He's unpredictable.

He's unpredictable.

Yeah, you never know what Cat Williams might do.

I like Cat Williams.

I like it.

I think that would be my choice.

I would also love to have him at dinner.

Yeah, I think Cat Williams would be fun to have at dinner.

Yeah.

Yeah, fair enough.

Punch me in the face.

There's nothing like sinking into luxury.

At washable sofas.com, you'll find the Anabay sofa, which combines ultimate comfort and design at an affordable price.

And get this, it's the only sofa that's fully machine washable from top to bottom, starting at only $699.

The stain-resistant performance fabric slip covers and cloud-like frame duvet can go straight into your wash.

Perfect for anyone with kids, pets, or anyone who loves an easy-to-clean, spotless sofa.

With a modular design and changeable slip covers, you can customize your sofa to fit any space and style.

Whether you need a single chair, love seat, or a luxuriously large sectional, Anibay has you covered.

Visit washablesofas.com to upgrade your home.

Right now, you can shop up to 60% off store-wide with a 30-day money-back guarantee.

Shop now at washablesofas.com.

Add a little

to your life.

Offers are subject to change and certain restrictions may apply.

You check your feed and your account.

You check the score.

and the restaurant reviews.

You check your hair and reflective surfaces and the world around you for recession indicators.

So you check all that, but you don't check to see what your ride options are.

In this economy, next time, check Lyft.

So we've got the we've got the main we've got the main courses.

We need to start thinking about the side dish.

The side dish.

Now, you've probably snuck in a broccoli robber.

We'll let that go.

Yeah.

You have a different side.

I wanted to throw in

a really good salad that I like as a side.

And it's arugula and shaved radish and shaved asiago with a lemon vinaigrette.

And it's really simple, but it's really fucking good.

Lovely.

Delicious.

All the best salads that have got cheese in them.

Hell yes.

You need cheese in the salad.

And it's just big-ass slices of asiago.

So it's like peppery, but it's lemony and it's fresh.

And you can like, oh, i feel good having another piece of bread with this shit and now my bread is soaking up all of the things from all over the place yeah oh yeah yeah you're dipping it into other places here's why i'm a bad guy if i was to share a salad with cheese in with you and i was the first person to go to the salad you would get that salad back and there would be no cheese left in that well here's the thing because it's kind of a home restaurant meal so we keep the the uh chunk of asiago on the table yes and you're like and i'm like do you want more of this cheese and everyone's like yes we do directly into my mouth and then it just keeps getting sliced yes that's perfect yeah have you have either of you ever grated cheese directly into your mouth yep yeah I feel like it yeah yeah I feel like I can't remember the time but I don't see why I wouldn't have

like no

yeah I suppose I have I guess on multiple occasions yeah yeah yeah it'd be a shame not to

so that's that's a lovely also radishes I think are underrated

Very underrated.

I like them a lot.

They have been a secret ingredient.

We always have a secret ingredient on the show that if a guest says it, they get kicked out of the restaurant because we don't like that ingredient.

Yeah.

But often they're ones that we don't completely agree on.

I think I've only recently gotten into radishes recently, like very recently.

I think they're a grown-up taste.

They are.

I love them on tacos.

Yeah.

Like just slices of thin radish.

I like a radish as a fucking snack.

Yeah.

Just a little radish, and you're like, look at me, I'm a goddamn giant.

Yeah.

Little Peter Rabbit eating rabbits.

Radishes?

Eating the rabbit.

Rabbishes.

The rabbishes.

Peter rabbit.

Peter Rabbit, yeah, eating his rabbish.

I think that sounds like a delicious side.

Fresh.

Yeah.

Yeah.

It's a fresh meal, which is why I wanted to do

the breads up front.

Like, you can go heavy, but then you can't completely die unless it's the winter version of this meal.

Yeah.

Which is an osebuco

with a mushroom risotto.

Oh, wow.

You've really thought about that.

I really fucking hope that there's a proper winter version and the summer version.

And

the alternate, because there was two in the first one, a good, good-sized, like, giant ravioli, like a pumpkin ricotta and like a brown sage butter.

Yes, please.

And this is all stuff you've cooked in the past.

Absolutely.

Oh, this is incredible.

So you got

your winter alternative.

That's the winter alternative.

I mean, that's.

Yeah, it does.

Very much like that.

I mean, we could have it that, yeah, the dream restaurant this time has like a, it changes seasons as the meal progresses.

I would swap out the

charcuterie

for some

couple of thin crust pizzas.

As a starter, that's an absolutely maverick move.

Yeah.

Yeah.

I love it.

But then everyone gets like one or two slices, I guess.

So it's like, I think it's a good one.

It's just two pieces.

They're just.

I'd be sad to see the charcuterie go, even if it was winter, though.

Yeah,

yeah, me too.

Well, if you put the whole charcuterie, you wouldn't miss it, that's what I'm saying.

There's a lot of things going on on that pizza, you wouldn't miss it.

Just dump the whole board on top of the pizza, pretty much.

Happy with that.

Here's what you're trying to find out when we're in New York.

And here's a question I'm sure you've been asked many times.

Pizza?

Yeah.

Where's the best one?

Where?

Yeah.

In New York?

There's

it's so overcrowded now, and I

just cook shit at home.

In my childhood, I can easily be like, oh, the pizza place on the corner from our house, that was the greatest pizza in the world.

Because you can go back to that and it just tastes like nostalgia.

But also, they had

which I loved when I was younger, like that when you have to take a napkin and kind of dab it over that little greasy layer on the top.

And I was like, yeah.

Right now, I really like Nice Nice pizza in Brooklyn

it's

an incredibly thin crust but not like crack or like crust except for the the edges

and the sauce is amazing it's not too sweet

and you don't feel if you ate an entire pie by yourself you wouldn't feel like an asshole

and people would be like well where was it from and you're like it was from Nice and they'd be like all right that makes sense okay I really like them.

People

are dabbing up the oil with the paper towel.

The first place I saw that.

So it's weird how much this film has kind of like seeped into my consciousness, even though I didn't like it.

I thought it was a bad film,

but it was in Along Came Polly.

Do you remember that film?

The one where she has the ferret?

Yeah, she has a ferret.

Is it Jennifer Nasn of Bennett?

It is Jennifer, yeah.

Phyllis C.

Moore Hoffman's character in that is a very good example

of like a good character in a bad film.

Right, okay.

Like, he mops up all the grease with a thing, and he has the scene where he sharted.

And it's the first time I'd heard the term sharted in my life.

So, like, there's a lot of firsts for you in this film.

Yeah, so I'd never seen anyone dab up.

And there's a tone, he just explains to Ben Silla's character, they're playing basketball, he's like, I've got to go home, I sharted.

And Ben Siller's like, what are you talking about?

He's like, I fired, and a bit of shit came out.

And, like, I remember it being like, the, I've been like, this character is, it's brilliant.

That's the problem I've always had with the term term sharted.

The word does not go in the order that the events happen.

So it shouldn't be sharted.

It should be fitted.

Yeah, it should be fitted because you don't shit and then do a fart.

That's not.

Fitted is already a word.

I mean,

you're good.

Yeah.

You could, but you wouldn't stand there in your pants and go, I'm going to do a shit now.

Oh, no, I farted as well.

Oh, no.

I forgot.

Don't tell me I'm farted as well as doing a shit in the world.

Giving the game away.

He drawed attention to myself.

He subtle quiet kid in my past.

And everybody's like, could you?

Oh, you.

Oh,

I wasn't even going to look over there.

Let's go to the desserts.

We've already had quite a few drinks.

We've got the drinks rolling.

Yeah, we've got the desserts.

There's so much wine on the table.

It stays out there.

We've gotten into heavier wines.

It is going down.

Yeah.

So, dessert, I'm going to go

with a torto nona.

Right.

I've never heard of this.

Meeting.

It's a lemon almond tart.

Lovely.

It is real fucking good.

I don't want any ice cream with it.

I don't want anything with it.

I think now is a time to bring out a bunch of coffees, cappuccino, some dark liquor.

And I would like a plate of chocolates with some grapefruit, like candied grapefruit and candied lemon.

Oh, yeah.

Like just brown liquor, coffee, cigarettes, cigars, that tart.

This is my kind of meal.

I don't even smoke.

I'm going to be smoking all those cigars and cigars.

But the winter version of that

is

it?

I just made these like a month ago, and they were stupid.

Sea salt caramel cupcake.

So it's like this molten caramel in the middle.

And then I want to do

a lemon ginger ice cream with that.

And then I say, stay with the, you know, same thing, liquors,

chocolates, cookies.

Instead of the cigars, chewing tobacco.

Chewing tobacco,

straight up chewing tobacco, and guns, yes,

in case anyone's like, I feel kind of feel like shooting a gun over this hillside right now, and you're like, go the fuck ahead, maybe a crossbow.

You see me backing away from Cat Williams already enjoyed punching my face.

He's pretty chill at this point.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

He's gonna be kicking back.

He's already full.

Yeah, yeah, okay, that's good.

It's also, I mean, that sounds great.

What's the

pastry like on this lemon and almond tart?

Is it like a thin crust?

No, it's it's it's a little bit thick around the edges and it's it's very um almond, like almost like marzipan.

Oh, yeah.

Oh, nice.

Yeah.

It's really lovely.

Sounds like a very chill end to the meal, like a very nice relaxing.

I think always my favourite menus on this are the ones where the whole scene has been set.

Yeah.

Yeah, you need a whole

thing.

I feel like I'm properly there.

Yeah.

And also I've always got a huge respect for the people who are like, why do I have to wait so long to say my drink?

We're bringing out drinks at the beginning of the meal.

Yeah, what are we talking about?

Yeah.

There's drinks during the whole time, and it changes with

the food, and it changes with what moods you're trying to get everybody in.

And also, I've made an entire playlist that goes from while I'm cooking to the end of the night, and that I never have to get up and stop.

Wow.

So now

what song is playing at the end of the night?

We're here at the end of the evening.

That's a song playing.

We got our lemon tarts.

We're all smoking cigars, passing coffees.

I'm shit-faced at this point.

My face hurts like shit.

He's holding up just frozen peas.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

He's crying in a corner.

Yeah, we're really in his face being like, but you're not scared of being punched anymore, are you?

I never wanted to have it.

That was it.

It's over.

I think we would end the night.

I think right now, I probably enjoy some sort of, I think we moved along to some like rotary connection or like some some some al some good Al Green moments.

Yeah.

But just for you at the end of the night, I think we would, while you were walking out the door, do

baby hit me one more time.

Just to really fuck with you.

Yeah, oh big cry, doesn't walk out.

Run out.

Oh, it's quite exciting to hear the rotary connection, though.

Right, okay.

So this will read your order back to you, see how you feel about it.

Oh, shit, all right.

Water, you would like uh ginger sparkling water that you get from Whole Foods.

Uh poppin' so bread, you said you'd like a sliced baguette that everyone can tear and and share together with unsalted butter.

Yes.

Starter, a charcuterie plate charcuttery charcuterie.

Charcattery.

Charcattery plate.

Charcuttery James.

Brie, Rockford, Manchego, Pachetto, Speck, Salami, Fig Preserves, Olives, Cranberries, Almonds, the whole works.

Main, brick chicken.

Marinated in loads of herbs and spices and herbs and lemon with broccoli rub

and punch James it says here

Pat Williams gets to punch James with the brick with the brick with the chicken brick

you are gonna be marinated and punched yeah yeah

quite a tasty punch actually I'll take that side dish is the salad with a arugula and shaved radishes and is it

asiago with lemon vinaigrette

and we're drinking the whole time we've got dirty martinis on the go, and wines, and some grapefruit kind of drinks, and dessert, a torto della nona.

And that is the summer first.

That's the summer menu.

And there's coffees, and there's cigars, and everything at the end as well.

You feel pretty good about that?

It's so good.

Sounds nice, right?

That's so good.

That's a good time.

That's incredible.

That is a really good one.

That sounds like a nice meal.

And oh, who's coming in?

Oh, it's Cad Williams.

You better get out of here, man.

Goodbye.

Thanks so much.

There we are, the off-menu menu of Gene Gray.

Absolutely delicious, and I'm calling it now.

I think it's in my top three menus of the entire podcast history.

Yes, you were very, very excited about that.

I think also I love a winter menu and a summer menu at the same time.

That was great.

She thought about it so much.

Excellent stuff.

A menu for all seasons, whenever you like.

And most crucially, Jean did not say the stinky fruit.

The stinky fruit or the durian fruit.

She did not say that.

Luckily, that would have spoiled the menu.

It would have spoiled spoiled the restaurant would have absolutely spoiled everything imagine but i i don't think there's ever any danger of that fruit showing its face No, absolutely not.

But thank you so much for coming in to the dream restaurant, Jean.

She's got loads of stuff out there you should be looking at.

Yep, you should go back through her entire back catalogue of music.

I think, personally, that Everything's Fine by Jean Gray and Quella Chris is an all-time classic.

And you should all listen to that.

One of the greatest hip-hop albums of my life.

It's very good.

I love it too.

Yeah, but there's loads of more projects Gene's working on at the minute, so keep your eyes out for

any scripted projects that Gene's name is attached to.

They're likely to be amazing.

Absolutely.

And if you want to follow what we're up to on the podcast, check out the social media at OffmenuOfficial on Instagram and Twitter.

And we have a website, offmenupodcast.co.uk.

Check it out.

There's a list of restaurants that are recommended on the podcast there.

Now, the main restaurant that was in this episode was Gene's House.

We will not be publishing that address, even though it does sound like a fantastic place to eat.

I'm sure all of you will want to make that pilgrimage after him in that menu, but we are just.

I'm sorry, but we're not going to give away the addresses of our guests or their personal homes.

She wouldn't give it to us either, to be no, no, we aren't.

We asked a lot.

We did ask.

We said, Can we come and live with you, please?

Can we please come and live with you?

What's your address, please, Gene?

Yeah, she said, No, just the Benegorgon could come and live with you.

Yeah, only the Bennegorgon is allowed to come.

That's what she said.

Thank you very much for listening.

We will see you again sometime soon.

Goodbye.

Hello, there, listeners.

Can we recommend you a new podcast?

It's been going for three years, but it'll be new if you listen to it now.

My name's Stevie.

My name's Dessa.

And we host the Nobody Panic podcast, which is all about how to be a functioning adult without consistently screaming and or crying all the time.

Although crying is okay, crying is good.

Listen to our episode on how to cry at work.

It's all kinds of different how-tos from how to be creative to how to concentrate to how to begin a small talk.

Thank you Stevie.

We bring our experience which is sort of minor and then we get experts in to really give the advice.

We release podcasts every Tuesday and it's on Apple Podcasts, ACAS, Spotify, basically wherever you get your podcasts, we're there.

We're there.

We're ready to impart not our advice necessarily, but the advice of others to help you get through your your day and your life are we selling it yet i'd like to say that we're much better in the podcast than we are on this advert please do come over and check what we're like on the real thing oh yeah you'll be pleasantly surprised

And we're back live during a flex alert.

Oh, we're pre-cooling before 4 p.m., folks.

And that's the end of the third.

Time to set it back to 78 from 4 to 9 p.m.

What a a performance by Team California.

The power is ours.

You check your feed and your account.

You check the score and the restaurant reviews.

You check your hair and reflective surfaces and the world around you for recession indicators.

So you check all that, but you don't check to see what your ride options are.

In this economy, next time, check Lyft.

Hello, I'm Carrie Ad.

I'm I'm Sarah.

And we are the Weirdos Book Club podcast.

We are doing a very special live show as part of the London Podcast Festival.

The date is Thursday, 11th of September, the time is 7pm, and our special guest is the brilliant Alan Davies.

Tickets from kingsplace.co.uk.

Single ladies is coming to London.

True on Saturday, the 13th of September.

At the London Podcast Festival.

The rumours are true Saturday, the 13th of September at King's Place.

Oh, that sounds like a date to me, Harriet.