Ep 45: Katherine Ryan

Hello, it's Ed Gamble here from the Off Menu Podcast.

Hello, it's James A.

Caster here from the Off Menu Podcast.

And before the episode starts, we'd like to talk to you about All Our Relations, a non-profit co-founded by your friend of mine, comedian Jen Brister, and Georgia Takax.

Yes, All Our Relations was originally started to support 15 families in Gaza when the genocide started, but now supports 21 families and funds several mutual aid projects, including two seven-day food kitchens and two mobile food parcel delivery schemes, as well, feeding hundreds of families in Gaza every single day.

They've created an absolutely amazing thing.

And we feel like, you know, it's the off-menu podcast.

We talk about food and we are very lucky to eat wonderful food and have access to absolutely brilliant food all of the time.

And I think we need to talk about people who have access to no food, James.

Absolutely.

So if people would like to donate, please go to allourrelations.co.uk or look at the links in Jen Brister's bio on Instagram.

Every penny raised go to supporting people in Gaza.

Thank you so much and enjoy the episode.

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Oh, here we are again.

Your tummies are rumbling.

I can't think of of an intro.

Oh, it's a sad day.

Well, we've not recorded one.

Finally, it happens.

I'll be honest, we've not recorded one in a while, and I forgot the part of my job was coming up with a natty intro.

And then I remembered halfway through saying, Here we are again, and I came up with our tummies are rumbling, which is real bad.

Yeah, you really tried to claw it back.

I was like, what's going on here?

I know, I know.

And now I'm touching my face like a sort of stricken person.

Yep.

Bring us a lovely podcaster.

Bring us a lovely podcaster.

Bring us a lovely podcaster.

Bring one right here.

That's That's food related.

Is it?

Yeah, because it's normally figgy pudding.

Yeah, but it's, you know, it's not Christmas, is it?

What rule says it has to be Christmas?

The rules of the figgy pudding song.

They're very well drawn.

Anyway, welcome.

This is a food podcast.

I'm Ed Gamble, and that's James A.

Custer.

We're going to ask someone what their favourite ever starter main course dessert, side dish, and drink are.

Yes, we are.

And our special guest in the dream restaurant this week is

Catherine Ryan.

Oh, you got in there quicker than me.

Very quickly.

Very good.

I thought we'd establish the rhythm where we go, Catherine Ryan.

Yeah, you're like, absolutely not mixing.

Well, do you know what?

If Ed's refusing to do his little

start, I'll do it.

Come on, mate.

That ship sailed.

Well, it's Catherine Ryan, and we're very excited to have her in the middle of the day.

One of the finest comedians the world has to offer right now.

And we've got her right in the dream restaurant.

Absolutely.

She's right here in the dream restaurant.

And even though she is one of the finest comedians the world has to offer,

if she says a certain ingredient that we have pre-decided on, so help me, as part of her dream menu, because I think we need to establish that, James, the way the secret ingredient works, it has to be part of their menu.

It's not just if it's mentioned.

Don't just mention it.

We're not going to say chuck you out for mentioning it, freedom of speech.

If it's in the dream menu, she will be removed from the restaurant.

And this week, the dream restaurant secret ingredient is strawberry resource.

Thanks for going with me on that one, James.

Yeah.

So if and it's talking about that horrible stuff that looks like fake blood.

Yeah, yeah.

Mainly that that you get in an ice cream van.

Yeah.

You might put it on your Mr.

Whippy.

Horrible.

I don't like it.

Sorry to the people who do that.

I know this is going to be one of the ones.

Yeah.

Because the one we got the most backlash on was sweet chili sauce.

Yeah.

I know there's going to be even more fans of this kind of strawberry sauce that you get in ice cream vans.

I know you're going to kick off about it.

They taste the same to me, sweet chili sauce.

They might as well taste the same.

They're the same thing, they say.

It's just sugar, red sugar, and I hate it.

Yeah.

So any red sugar,

that's it Catherine Ryan's getting out I hope she doesn't pick it but

I'd like to hear what she has to say so without further ado let's hear the off menu menu of Catherine Ryan Catherine Ryan

Catherine Ryan welcome to the dream restaurant thank you so much

welcome Catherine Ryan we've been waiting for you now James I normally announce you in this situation and describe to the guest who you are and what you're doing here.

True.

But I think you should introduce yourself this time.

Catherine, pleasure to meet you.

My name is James.

I'm a genie and a waiter.

Cool.

Taking it in astrology.

You know what?

Ed normally does a really long, convolute explanation about what.

And also, he makes it sound like it's silly

when he says it.

He makes it sound like it's very, like it's draining for him.

But actually, you...

you get it, right?

There's nothing silly about the service industry.

I worked as a waiter for a really long time.

Thank you very much.

And it takes a lot of skills, multitasking, math.

and then the fact that there's like a supernatural element.

Yes.

It's very serious.

When you were working in the service.

Can I just want to butt in very quickly?

I'm so sorry.

I just want to let everyone listening know, I don't ever make out the fact that James is a waiter is the silly portion of it.

It's very much the genie.

I'm not

going, James is a waiter.

That's a stupid job.

I think it's great.

If you're a waiter, be a waiter.

But the genie element of it, because it was, it was, surprised me when we initially did it.

We never agreed to the genie.

And now here we are.

Look how scared you are.

I don't want to be cancelled.

I don't want to be cancelled by the services.

They don't care.

You can slag them off, those fat pricks, as long as you tip them.

They don't care.

We don't care.

Okay.

Yeah, there you go.

I will tip waiters more now after this misunderstanding.

My question.

Having said that she likes the supernatural element.

When you were working as a waitress, if you could

also be any supernatural being, what would you have been at the time that would have helped your job?

Not a genie.

I've got a dip stop.

That's off.

I mean, I had anything else.

I had fake tits that helped.

Oh, that's good.

Yeah, because I worked at Hooters, and I think that I learned now, in retrospect, now that people don't just like give me free stuff and let me in everywhere, they're like, You want to sit down, ma'am?

Like, they'll give me a seat.

But back then, I had skin-colored hair and hair-colored skin, and I was like 20 years old with fake boobs.

And I, the whole world, I was like a genie.

People would be like, You should definitely come to LA.

And I was like, Okay, like my life,

our lives were really easy.

Now, we were definitely like, there were predators about about for sure, and we had it hard in some aspects, but I got paid loads of money.

Everyone thought I was stupid.

So, if I was even the littlest bit smart, then it was like I was a genius.

Right, yes.

And then sometimes I would get off with my manager, so he'd let me leave early.

So, I mean, I was basically like a genie.

Is that the type of genie you are?

Yeah, well, it's going to be moving forwards.

I didn't know that fake boobs were supernatural, but it completely makes sense.

Yeah, they kind of are, right?

They're like natural, but super.

Yeah.

The super version of it.

Yeah.

Yeah.

So are you going to get me some of them?

It's like a superpower when you're a very young woman, yes.

Yes.

And a liability.

Could I just check, James?

Are you going to get some fake tits?

Does this answer your question?

Alakazam.

Check these out.

What do you think of my bed?

I wasn't expecting them to be that colour.

I need to go home early.

Come here.

You see?

It works.

It's a lot easier than an honest day's graft.

Yeah, it really, it really is.

Well done, James.

What was the best dish on the Hooters menu?

Well, I still really love, and I'm trying to be pretty vegetarian, but I love, love, love, love, love buffalo chicken.

Oh, yes.

My favorite thing in life is like lightly breaded, very saucy, like Frank's red hot wing sauce, buffalo, true buffalo chicken dipped in ranch or blue cheese with carrots and celery on the side.

Yes.

And Hooters has good chicken.

They really do.

You know, if, and they actually have grilled chicken too, if you don't want to have, I had like a brief period of where I wouldn't eat the buffalo chicken, but every I'd eat little portion cups of like coleslaw and baked beans.

And then, um, but I would treat myself sometimes.

I'd do grilled chicken and dip that in buffalo sauce.

Oh, yeah.

Just as good, really.

Buffalo chicken.

Now, I've heard this about the Hooters, chicken wings, that they're supposed to be good, but I always assumed it was like when people say they only read porn for the articles.

Yeah.

Like, I love that.

I only go to Hooters for the wings.

Yes.

They're going there for the Hooters, right?

Yeah.

I mean,

I.

There's no one going in there and ordering the wings and then covering their eyes eyes for the whole meal.

Well, kids go in.

Like, it is a family restaurant because it's right by all the sports complexes.

So, kids eat free on weekends.

It is a family restaurant.

I would go there.

So, now I find

we don't get your boobs like out.

Yeah, no, I know, but that's very much the driving sort of.

No, when you look at Hooters, Waitresses, they kind of look like cheerleaders, and those are all at football games and things in America.

So,

maybe just the name is just a little bit too on the nose.

Yeah.

You know, like maybe the name gives it the reputation.

Yeah, the name.

Huh?

Your whole ass is out.

More than your boobs, your entire ass is out.

Because you wear these like orange shorts pulled right up.

Yeah.

And I mean, that to me.

So they should have called it buns.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Buns.

Buns.

And then that like works on two levels.

Yes.

So the kids eat three at buns, it makes kind of sense.

The kids wouldn't even be thinking about that, right?

Yeah.

There's still a hooters in the UK and Nottingham, isn't there?

Yeah.

Oh, isn't there?

No, it's opposite the hotel where the Glee Club put you up when if you do a weekend there.

And

it's opposite, and sometimes you're hungry.

But those are hungry.

Yeah, yeah.

But the chicken's really good.

Yeah.

Do you like the wings there?

I've genuinely never been to Hooters or had the wings.

They're pretty good.

I like wings.

You can have them naked, and that is not breaded.

And then you can have them breaded.

I prefer naked.

I just really do because the breading, yeah, it's stodgy.

I like it in a, in a...

a buffalo-like piece of chicken.

I like it breaded.

But the wing, I like naked wings with lots of sauce, I think.

And they are great.

I mean, I have nothing bad to say about Hooters.

No, no, that's we're trying to get you to say bad stuff about them.

It's just completely, you know, no, but I think a lot of people would assume that I would denounce like the patriarchal women are for decoration.

That, that, that.

I'm like, yeah, but whatever.

I had a nice time there.

The name, the name is the only issue, right?

We need to switch it around to buttons.

I like your counter-argument, though.

Yeah, but whatever, had a nice time there.

Yeah, but whatever.

People go on about the patriarchy and stuff, but yeah, but whatever, had a nice time there.

So, you're saying that you try and eat more veggie now.

I mean, I won't want any spoilers to the menu, but like,

are we not going down a Hooters route with this menu?

A Hooter Router.

Well, thank you, Ed.

No problem.

I do like chicken and fish, and I like cheese, so I would include those things, unfortunately, because you're a genie.

Yes, this is the dream menu, and so I just definitely never eat beef or pork or shellfish, right?

Why not shellfish?

Because I dated someone Jewish and then out of respect, I was like, oh yeah, so I'll be kosher too then.

And then I sort of thought, oh, it is kind of gross to eat shellfish.

It's kind of to me now, I mean, I don't want to ruin it for anyone.

They're like bottom feeders, though, weren't they?

Yes.

And I started thinking, meh.

And then I just never ate it again.

I just stayed that way.

So a lot of people would not eat.

meat or fish out of respect for the animal, but you don't eat shellfish out of disrespect for shellfish.

Yeah.

They're gross little dweebs.

I hate those bastards.

Little bottom feeders going into hooters and loving it.

It's not as though

they would love it.

A

bunch of prawns or whatever.

They got it.

They would.

They would.

That is such a clientele.

If it was like a SpongeBob episode.

Just crabs and like prawns.

No, I mean, I'm not into it, but it's not as though before I dated him, I was like kicking back, eating like lobster.

I wasn't, you know, shellfish has never been a big part of my life.

If you had to eat any character from SpongeBob, who would you eat?

Oh, my gosh.

Well, I don't even know what they all are.

So there's that little anemone one, right?

What's that called?

I've not really seen a lot of.

I know that one of them is a sponge.

Sponge?

Correct?

Yeah, I wouldn't eat a sponge.

I could think I'd eat his home.

I'd eat the pineapple.

Yeah.

Oh, yeah.

Oh, yeah, there you go.

That's good.

He's eat the pineapple.

But then SpongeBob's homeless.

Oh well.

You know what?

That pineapple was going to decompose in the sea at some time.

Probably unrealistic home.

Yeah.

Yep.

I've never eaten a starfish before.

Are they edible?

Spiky, I think.

I don't know.

Yeah, I don't feel like they're edible.

Squidwood?

I like squid.

Squid's nice.

So I'll probably eat squidwood.

And he's quite grumpy and stuff, so like, wouldn't feel bad about it.

Because I feel bad about making SpongeBob homeless.

He's very chipper.

Sorry.

But, like, Squidward, I'd be like, yeah.

You shouldn't have been so mean to everyone who's so grumpy.

You know?

Fair.

You think that's it, is it?

If the animal's grumpy, you're allowed to eat it.

Yeah, if you knew.

You'd eat eel.

Well, he's not grumpy, he's depressed.

People eat donkey.

Do they?

I don't know.

Oh, they probably do.

I feel like, yeah.

And eel, I've seen people eat eel.

Eel.

Eel.

I thought you were saying eeyore again.

From Winnie the Peel?

Yes.

Oh.

Yeah.

I said eel.

Ed said eeyore.

You said eel, but then you told us you've seen people eat eel, and we were talking about Eeyore, and we're like, you've seen people eat eel?

That's what happened in our heads there.

Was that

you have seen people eat the Witty the Pooh character, Eeyore.

This is why people with accents shouldn't mix.

It's too dangerous.

Yeah, no, that could have been a huge misunderstanding.

That could have led to some awful situations.

I've never really understood exactly what the kosher diet was, but now I can think of it as don't eat any animals that might visit Hooters.

Yes, that's exactly what it I do.

That's a perfect way to imagine it.

You can imagine it.

And they have another good one.

So in the Torah it says don't boil a calf in its mother's milk, which I take to be a euphemism for like don't take the piss.

You know, like don't boil a calf in its mother's milk.

Like don't be that much of an asshole.

But that is why they don't put meat and cheese together.

They wouldn't have a cheeseburger.

Wow.

Yeah, they don't mix dairy and meat.

And I love that.

It'd be a psychopath to boil a calf in its mother's milk.

A cheeseburger's like a Nazi scientist move.

Like it's awful.

Right?

Now I think about it.

Yeah, I haven't really thought about that before.

It's so rude.

There's a Japanese dish where you have like chicken and egg in the same bowl and it's called mother and child.

Oh!

And you love Japan, don't you?

I love Japan.

I think if you're going to do it, you may as well lean into it, right?

Oh, God.

Mother and child at the side of best friends.

Horrible.

So we always start with still or sparkling water, Catherine.

As in any roster restaurant.

Do you have a preference?

I love still water.

Love it.

Well, I don't think we've had anyone that enthusiastically.

I love before the water course.

Yeah.

Why do you

speak of it very much like you love it?

Why do you love it?

I just think water is the most delicious thing.

Oh, it just makes you so happy and so well.

Water makes everyone alive and well.

I really like the taste of it.

And I associate it with it like being fresh and clean.

And then sparkling water, I don't like it.

I don't, I think, who do you think you are?

When someone's having sparkling water, I'm like, all right.

And you go certain places like Germany, and water is sparkling water.

So if you order water there, they do not bring you still water.

What?

A bunch of my friends married ice hockey players and moved to either like Finland or Germany or Norway or whatever.

I love the throwaway details in Catherine's stories.

A bunch of my friends married ice hockey players.

Yeah.

Well, because I'm from Canada.

That's a Canadian story as old as time.

Yeah, it is.

It really is.

It really is.

And if they aren't drafted by the NHL, then they go and they play like league hockey professionally in Europe, whatever.

And I would go visit them.

And you cannot get Stillwater there, I swear.

You just can't get it.

No.

It's just sparkling.

And I don't know what happened.

Do they have to play, when they move to the countryside, they have to play ice hockey on frozen sparkling water?

Oh, yeah.

Yes.

Fizzy ice.

Old fizzy ice all get all bubbly under their skates.

Yeah, and it makes me upset and I don't like it.

Oh, absolutely.

I mean, that seems seems like a very odd move to be like, okay, we're going to make the default water, the one that's a bit of an acquired taste, really.

The default water.

A bit more going on there, it's a bit busier.

If you give it to a kid, they say it's spicy.

Like carbonated anything.

If you give it to a kid, they go, ugh, spicy.

Like, they don't like it.

They think it's too spice.

Yeah, it's too much for a

soft mouth, right?

It's just like, yeah, abrasive.

Oh, the other day I played football for the first time in months and at half-time had some water and

exclaimed to my fellow teammates that it was an elixir and how lovely it was.

And have you been invited back to play football again?

Yeah, I mean, I assume they're never playing again, right?

Is this comedians football?

Yeah, a bunch of comics, yeah.

I sent my husband to that.

Yes.

And he used to play American football, and he has one torn ACL that has been operated on dozens of times in like whatever, that knee is over.

And on his first day of comedians football, he tore the other ACL.

Oh, I know.

Oh, man.

So now he's useless to me.

That's what happens if you play and you're not a comedian.

Yeah.

The comedy gods strike you down.

Well, I think he was going balls to the walls.

He was really doing well.

He got like three goals before he did it and he was really enjoying it.

And he never does anything just a bit.

Yes.

He was like playing as hard as he could and then

over.

What was the mood like when he got home?

Was he genuinely sad?

Like I thought he was going to cry.

Oh no.

Pop it up soap bread.

Pop it up so bread, Catherine.

Poppin' up.

That was a big swing from James because you're about to take a sip out of a can.

But I'm ready.

I didn't know that was.

I only realized it at the last minute.

I was like, uh-oh, I'm about to get vanilla coke all over me.

Listen, I'm cool as a cucumber.

Yeah, you are, really.

I was pretty sure that you wouldn't react.

Yeah.

Whether you knew that I was going to shelter or not, I was like, no, I'm good.

I can't get caffeine.

My takeaway from Diet Vanilla Coke is I don't like it.

You're not enjoying it.

You said it was quite nice at the start.

At one sip, and then

I felt a bit sick and I thought, I'm going to have some Diet Coke, but I didn't really realize it was vanilla.

And then I thought, oh, well, it's vanilla, but that might be nice.

No.

I don't mind it, but I think a whole can is too much yes I think you just feel a little taste I don't know how recently you've been to America every like fast food place has this big machine where you pour your own fizzy drink or water or iced tea or whatever and it's a touch screen and let's say first it just has let's say it has like all the Pepsi and Coke products and sprite and seven up whatever you click touch one on the touch screen and then all these flavors come up it will genuinely say do you want strawberry coke cherry coke lime coke lemon coke orange coke chocolate coke, vanilla coke?

Like all these weird.

And this, it's just like a rabbit hole of flavor.

Are umpalumpas working at this place?

No, they could.

They're in the machine.

I mean, it's an absolute wonderland.

Oh, it sounds so good.

I've been thinking a lot about Willy Wonka lately.

Why?

My girlfriend texted me this week saying, His girlfriend runs a chocolate factory.

Yes, saying, I'm stuck in the chocolate factory.

Can you come and get me out, please?

No, she said,

I reckon any food, no matter how much you like it, if you imagine a massive version of it, it's disgusting.

That's what she texted me.

Weird.

And I was like, I don't know what you're talking about.

She was like, well, imagine the.

I mean, quick pause to say you're absolutely made for each other.

Yeah, sure.

Exactly what you'd text someone else.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

But when you're on the received end of it, it's not as fun, is it?

What are you talking about?

And I was like, what do you mean?

And she was saying, like, yeah, you imagine a normal portion of lasagna, and now imagine a football pitch of lasagna.

It's disgusting.

I was like, yeah, that's why they don't serve it like that.

But anyway, that was the conversation we had.

And I said, what about the the chocolate river and Willy Wonka, though?

She was like, okay, maybe that's the exception because that does look pretty delicious.

Was this a row?

No, no, no.

Yes,

that's the way I argue with you.

Just about food.

And then eventually we resolve it by Willy Wonka chat.

I don't agree with the premise.

I think a football picture lasagna sounds great.

Can imagine like the whole stadium all digging in.

Even eating lasagna?

I used to love reading the Guinness Book of Records and I'd flick straight to the food bit and look for the pictures of like the world's world's longest sandwich and stuff.

Oh,

isn't it funny?

I was such a fat boy.

He'd rush to it.

But isn't it great before we had devices and things?

And your parents would get you the Guinness Book of World Records for Christmas, and you'd like gather around.

I would do that with my sisters too and read it.

And you didn't read it all in one go.

You'd be like, what are the longest fingernails today?

Oh, longest fingernails.

I loved that.

Always, longest fingernails.

There was always a picture for the guy with the long fingernails.

Yes.

Disgusting.

Popper, the longest fingernails one.

That's why everyone knows about it because it's absolutely gross.

And you'd look at that picture, be like, how is that person even living a life?

Well, they're not.

They're basically working on the fingernails all day, aren't they?

They're sitting there growing their fingernails.

It was like horrible, like all curled over, but like going on forever.

You couldn't do anything with that hand.

And what a prick.

It's basically an advertisement for like, I don't even dress myself.

Yeah.

Yeah.

I have servants basically like you can't do anything.

I'm with your girlfriend, James.

I think she's absolutely right.

And it's sort of the same logic as hair on your head is really beautiful, but as soon as you cut it off and it's hair on the floor or hair found anywhere, it's sickening.

Sure, yeah, that's true.

You know?

That's to do with the

uncanny, though, isn't it?

That's a Freudian thing, that it represents decay and death.

Really?

Yeah, that hair disembodied, and same with teeth and anything like that, it represents decay.

So it digs into a part of your brain that you don't explore a lot.

Oh, no, I like teeth.

I have loads of teeth that I've saved.

Okay, there's some exceptions.

What?

Save loads of teeth?

Yep.

So I had three wisdom teeth out last year because they just, for some reason, started going crazy and growing sideways.

And I kept all those because they're so cool looking.

And any teeth my daughter has lost, I've kept.

So I have all of our teeth in a box.

And her teeth are cute.

They're like these little white baby teeth that she lost.

I have bits of her hair.

That doesn't disgust me either.

I don't know.

But other people's,

I don't think teeth would ever disgust me.

If I found a tooth,

I would keep it.

You would always keep a tooth if you found it, no matter whose it was.

Sure, just keep the tooth.

Yeah, make a necklace, but you're disgusted by prawns.

Yeah.

You said pop-a-doms earlier, and we've just talked about teeth for a while.

Sorry,

so I love pop-a-doms, love them, love pop-chips, the snack that's sort of a cross between a crisp and a rice cake.

Yes.

Met the man who started pop chips in a swimming pool at the Four Seasons.

This is what a celeb story.

Yeah.

What a line to drop on you in the swimming pool.

You know, I started pop chips.

Really?

But he's telling the truth because of the four seasons.

And then there's a celebrity that owns it too.

Is it Ashton Kutcher and this guy?

Really own pop chips?

Yeah, or Justin Tumberlake, maybe.

It is a celebrity.

Who said this?

Benito, can you?

Yeah, thank you.

Pop chips have sponsored us before, haven't they?

Pop chips sponsored us.

Really?

Yeah.

And we got...

two massive boxes of pop chips each yeah delivered to our home and the last I mean that was like a year ago.

Yeah.

And the last of which, the last bag has only just left my cupboard this week.

Well, I love that.

I love like anything rice-based, but I hate bread.

I have very controversial opinions about bread.

Go for it.

Yeah, let's hear these.

Well, I've never eaten bread in my life.

What?

Yeah.

You are, James?

James, yes.

You're going to want to be in this conversation.

Sorry, I'm reading the Wikipedia for pop chips.

I've never eaten bread in my life.

What?

I hate bread.

I think it looks sick.

And I don't eat it and I don't eat pizza and I don't eat anything like bread family.

I don't eat donuts.

If I deem something to be bread family, it makes me feel sick in my throat to look at it.

Why?

What makes you feel sick about it?

I don't know.

I think it looks like if someone was washing up with a sponge and then they took a bite out of it, I feel like bread isn't food.

And that's consistent with your opinion on who you'd eat from SpongeBob Square.

Yeah, exactly.

So

he's just a big lump of bread.

He's a big lump of bread.

I just don't like bread.

And I think it's because there is celiac, genuine celiac in my family.

I know some people are like, they don't eat gluten because they don't want to, but my family will actually like shit themselves in public if they eat it.

And I don't have celiac, but because like when I grew up, my littlest sister had very severe celiac and it was undiagnosed.

So she got like really skinny and it was a problem.

When she was like a baby, she waited 11 months, which weighed at four months.

Celiac can be serious.

Anyway, we didn't have any bread or anything in the house.

So I just didn't really know what it was.

And then I'd see it at other people's houses and be like, What's that?

And I just never had it.

Yeah, I'd be like, Why are they eating that?

This is bread.

But we didn't even back then.

That weird girl can't come over again.

She pointed at the bread and said, What's that?

But back then, we didn't even have gluten-free bread in a small town.

Like, you just didn't.

And then I always felt it looked like if someone's eating a sandwich, I feel like it looks like the sandwich has packaging, and people are eating the packaging as well.

Like the bread to me is packaging, and I hate, I hate that it is at restaurants, it's ubiquitous.

That's the other thing that bothers me about bread.

Everywhere you go, you say, Is there food?

And they go, Yeah, no, there's bread, there's croissants and pengu chocolate, all these things I won't eat.

There's no food, there's just bread.

The pastry is also

awesome.

Yeah, I hate.

I've never had that.

I hate the look of it, the smell of it.

If I walk by a subway restaurant, I have to run.

Like, I think it's so gross.

Yeah, in the subway, yeah.

And they even say that you shouldn't give it to ducks.

They try to,

there are all these campaigns saying you have to feed ducks seeds because the bread is exploding and all these stuff.

Puffs up in their tummy.

Yeah, yeah, it's not good for the ducks.

And don't get me wrong, I'm not a healthy person.

Like I eat loads of cheese and I'll drink loads of wine.

And like, I've really gained a lot of weight this year just from like just having wine every day.

Very cool.

Yeah, I'm not healthy, but I hate bread.

I can't imagine.

I can't imagine that.

I can't imagine not liking the smell of a freshly baked croissant.

Yeah, people are actually encouraged to bake bread and make their house smell like freshly baked bread in order to get it.

To sell their house.

But now you know, if you're trying to sell your house to Catherine Ryan, if you do that, she's not even coming through the front door.

Yeah, that's it.

You just lost the sale.

Yeah, there's something about it.

Can you go to France ever?

I've been to France.

It stinks of bread, the whole place.

Yeah.

I think the cheese kind of overpowers the bread that pieces I wet.

Yeah.

And I was outside a lot when I was there.

I was walking around.

So do you like a really stinky cheese?

No.

No.

I like.

Well, that's fair.

That's consistent.

I'll eat gluten, though.

Like, I'll eat cake.

And sometimes I like biscuits.

Hold on, I haven't bought a cake.

Cake should be in the bread family.

Yeah.

It is.

I assume cake was bread family.

We're finding holes here.

No, do you know what?

Kids like sugar, though.

I think wherever I went that I saw cake, I was like, yeah, I'll have that.

And it was good.

But like bread and,

you know, what other things?

Like...

I believe Panachakala has

made the list of things you don't like in the bread family.

Trust me.

And you're eating cakes, Willie-Nilly.

Well, let's find out what the ingredients are because there's something, I'll tell you this.

Something about donuts, panchocola, croissants, pastries, pie, all that, that has something that cake hasn't got.

There's something in it that's gross, and it might be yeast or something.

Yeast, yeah, yeah, maybe yeast.

But is yeast in yeast might panchocola and stuff?

It must be like,

isn't it, really?

Yeah, is it

pastry?

Yeah, croissant common ingredients:

butter, egg, sugar, milk, flour, baker's yeast.

Ah, see, it's a a yeast thing.

Uh-oh.

Everyone here is walking around eating thrush, not me.

That's what it is.

Reminds you of thrush.

And let me tell you who's never in her life had thrush.

Me.

Yeah?

Never once.

I don't even understand what it's like.

I've seen the adverts.

I'm not interested.

Hey, we were learning a lot about you.

Never had bread, never had thrush.

Coincidence.

Thank you.

Doesn't sound like a coincidence now that we've drilled down into all the what you don't like about things.

Actually, cake makes the makes the list because it doesn't have yeast in it.

It's basically yeast that you don't like.

Okay.

So if there's a yeast-free bread, I'll have a go.

Are you only choosing poppadoms because you hate bread so much?

Yes.

So you don't really have much to say about poppadoms.

There's not many much that you love about them.

You just hate bread so much.

Because that's the choice.

Popadoms by default of one.

I like any vessel that will give me a condiment.

So popadom fits in that category.

I realized I don't even really like nachos, but I really love

salsa and jalapenos and cheese and guacamole.

And I don't even like chips if there's no vinegar and salt about or even hot sauce I'd take on a chip.

I really love condiments.

So like a papadom, I'd probably put like Philadelphia garlic and herb cream cheese on that.

It'd be real controversial.

Yeah, that is controversial.

But I'm happy with that.

Make sure we include that detail.

Yeah.

That means you like Philadelphia cream cheese with garlic and herb.

Love it.

On the papadoms.

And like like Boursin, you know that cheese?

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

That's a great cheese.

That is a good cheese, actually.

I don't mind.

See, I'm comfortable talking about cheese at this course in the menu.

If you've got cheese loaded up later down the line in this menu, i.e., dessert, and don't let me know now, don't hint or anything, but I will flip out.

I'm happy to have a normal cheese chat with you now.

No, I'm with you on your cheese board thing.

Don't worry.

Thank you very much.

Or if I could not have poppadums and I could just be like in America and have a thin, thin white corn chip and salsa okay yeah we can do that like pico de gallo I'd have that absolutely yeah we can do that totally yeah completely do that

I like it when people sub in similar things for this oh really

yeah there'll be some people online getting upset about it but you know the corn chips here need a lot of work go go on go on so they're either bread so they will sometimes take a tortilla and use like a pizza cutter to cut it into four and deep fry that tortilla that is wheat like that is not what i'm what like that's the most disappointing when you order nachos from somewhere locked

no and they what they use a flour they use a flour tortilla yeah I hate that and they deep fry it no and then the corn chips that you get are like thick and yellow and small

in America and there are not many things that I like about America but their respect for Tex-Mex

I love so it'll be like a big white thin crispy corn chip and it's just like not too salty not too thick so you're not getting like you know, stodged down by these chips.

And then you can put so much salsa on them, and they don't break.

I mean, they might break, but if you're careful, if you get a technique, you want to load them up.

Yeah.

You almost want something that's barely there, just so you can load with con, like you want, you want a ghost chip, really, don't you?

I want a spoon.

Yeah,

you're a spoon that you can just snap off.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

I think of you guys all the time.

And listen, I think this is a good time to bring out one of my two gifts that were brought up.

While we're discussing tortillas and popadams and corn chips and all that, I brought you something that I found in this country that is my favorite crisp from Canada.

And it's a bit controversial.

I found a Pringles version of my favorite crisp.

It's dill pickle.

Oh, yeah.

Like Gherkin, and it's going to be so good.

Oh, that is amazing.

So I was early because I was coming from something else.

So I walked around until I found these.

So please try one and tell me if you like it.

I love the packaging.

It's a little pot of dill pickle with

a Pringle sticking in it.

And the Pringle is wearing a scuba mask.

He's about to jump in.

It's called Screaming Dill Pickle, and there's no G on the Screaming.

Screaming

Dill Pickle.

Extraordinary Flavour without a U in it.

They're so dilly.

And I will say, the Lay's version, which is our Walker's, is even better.

But that's all I could get.

Yeah, you're screaming.

You're screaming dill.

It's tasting exactly what it says like it's going to taste like.

I'm not used to that in life.

No.

That's great.

They are.

Thank you, Catherine.

Benito?

I'm a real crisp man.

Catherine, these are excellent.

I love them.

Yeah.

They're great, right?

Absolutely.

You love them.

They're kind of

salt and vinegar, but like with dill in a tang.

Oh, with an added tang.

And sometimes this country, you'll get me because you'll be like, oh, dill, but it isn't.

It isn't dill pickle.

Yeah.

I'll be like, I'm in a jelly.

When I go home to Canada, I eat so many of these that I burn all the taste buds off my tongue, and I just have a real smooth tongue.

Like a dill pickled.

Like the roof of my mouth and my tongue are twins.

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That leads us into your starter, I think.

So if I'm out, oh my gosh, so many starters that I love.

And I don't, I'm at, you know, the point in my life where I don't care what people think.

So.

I never feel pressure from other people at the table to be like, oh, are you having a starter?

Are you having a main?

Sometimes I'll just order like four starters and I'll just have those instead of a main or I'll share with people if I can't decide.

But starters are my favorite.

I love starters more than main moments.

Okay, okay.

That's a big starter.

I love starters.

Absolutely.

Starters are delicious.

I love a French onion soup.

If there's a soup, I'm always hoping, please say it's French onion soup.

And if they do, even though this is a big swerve, there's bread in French onion soup.

Yeah.

There's something about it being like wet and almost disappearing.

I will have a few little corners of that wet bread.

Because it's been soaked.

I don't know.

I don't understand it.

It's more adding texture to the soup than it is a piece of bread.

But it confirms I'm definitely not allergic to bread.

Anyway, love a French onion soup.

I love like, you know, broth and cheese and onion.

I love any soup.

I arrived here today eating a soup.

You did?

I really love any sort of like raw fish starter, like katuna tataki.

I won't, I don't think I'll have a salad for a starter, but I do really like salads.

But I like big American salads that are mains.

American salads that have like egg and buffalo chicken and cheese and things in them.

Yeah, have like another meal in them.

Yeah, like salads that are bad for you.

Yeah, when you order a salad in America and you're like, I'll be healthy, I'll have a salad for lunch.

And then it comes and you're like, this is way worse than having a burger.

Yeah.

Because they just pack it.

I had like a, I can't remember the name of the salad, but it was like the lettuce, it was like a bed of lettuce, just iceberg lettuce, and then on a huge plate, and then just stripes of all the different ingredients.

So just

egg, bacon, blue cheese you had a cob salad yeah i had a cob salad exactly that's what you had and it was delicious and do you just roll all that stuff up into it like a big big like lettuce taco

i think the idea was that you you maybe mix it all up but i was yeah quite sort of ordered about the whole thing and just ate it stripe by stripe

so you love starters as do i

and uh

it's my favourite course header uh i always think still my i always think this like their mini like mini main course that's what i feel

like that's how i feel about it people know me for that catch personally that's how i feel about it uh old captain sweet tooth over there wouldn't know what we're talking about um

but so if you've got to narrow it down to your dream start this is quite hard for you because you'd normally have a load of different ones yeah well i think it would be like tuna tartare

yeah probably yeah yeah because it's nice it's small it's like really really delicious always I've never had one that I didn't like.

And when they like chop it up really fine, and then presentation is everything with that.

When they put it in the little mold so that it comes out just in a little cylinder, like a hockey puck.

It's very satisfying.

Yeah, it does feel good.

Although it does also remind me of, you know, like in

old films or cartoons, going cartoons when they're like, you know, feeding a cat or a dog and they turn the turn upside down and it comes up.

Oh, shames.

Now I can't have it.

Wait.

Like all jellied around the arms.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

I'm going to change it anyway.

Let me tell you why.

because now i get to incorporate potato

so i love when they have little potato latkeys and then a little smoked salmon on top with a little bit of cream and dill yeah and they'll do like a little starter of four of those

smoked salmon potato latkey and cream yeah that does sound very nice is there a place you've had the best one of them yes they make that at the four seasons in toronto but i'm not sure if they make it

i really like the four seasons and i'll tell you why because some hotels really hate kids i've met your daughter and she's more grown up than any of us sat around this table oh my gosh you should see her now you haven't even seen her in years yeah yeah i mean the memory i'm mainly thinking of is like in melbourne so this is probably

four or five years ago when uh you had a like an easter party in your hotel room and we all went and uh you had ordered champagne but it hadn't arrived yet so violet was like i'll i'll deal with this and went over and i I can't remember how old she would have been at that time, but she rang them up and just hearing her side of the conversation was amazing.

She was like, hello.

Yes, we've ordered some champagne and it's not arrived.

Okay, it's just that we're having a party.

And it was such a great.

It's just that we're having a party.

Okay, well, yes, do that, please.

Thank you.

And just being allowed to do that.

She loves like phone calls and admin.

Oh, she nailed it.

You should see her now.

Like, yeah, that was a long time.

She would have been five.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Five or six.

I was there watching it as a supposed adult man thinking, if I was doing this phone call, it's like, I'm so sorry.

I know you've probably got it on the way or something.

Where the champagne is, oh, John, we don't deserve it.

I'm sorry.

We don't deserve it.

Violet, so funny.

We were doing like guess the word.

What's that called?

What do you call it?

Articulate.

Articulate.

Articulate.

I said it.

And she goes, it was the stupidest thing.

I might be the only one who thinks it's funny, but I thought it was so on the nose, like such a a weird thing.

She goes, Miss, it literally stinks in here.

I was like, what?

And she goes, yeah, mommy, come on.

Miss, it literally stinks in here.

And I was like, I don't know what that is.

And she's like, it's chav, mom.

And I was like, what the fuck?

I was like, number one, I don't think we say chav anymore.

And number two, miss, it literally stinks in here.

How has she connected those?

Because she's like, because mom, like, you have a roadman and like men can be roadman, but like girls, she's like learning about teenagers and she's like but girls can be chaps and what they say at school is miss it literally stinks it literally stinks in here

is that a fit

i don't know just that catchphrase is miss it literally stinks in here

miss it literally stinks in here that was her impression and now like i think kids are saying jab again i think it's bad started saying it again i don't know listen I'm just saying it's

this in I mean this wasn't you weren't playing the official board game articulate and that was on the card No, that wouldn't have been a good idea.

No, we pick our own.

You pick your own ones.

We were playing it.

It's a massive reflection on Violet, this whole thing.

You picked that word, and that was a weird impression she did.

And I was like, can girls be roadmen?

And she was like, oh, no, mom.

What's a roadmap?

A roadmap?

Well, it started actually this whole chat.

We were watching 24 Hours in Police Custody,

which I truly recommend two episodes.

Oh, it's great.

Yeah, yeah.

And she, as the first scene, she was like, what was that they found in the woods?

A pumahoodie, roadman.

And I was like, like, what?

And she was like, he's a drug dealer, roadman.

That's why he died.

Three minutes into the show.

And I was like, what are you talking about?

And she just teaches me about.

Was she right?

She was.

You know, not that a roadman deserves violence or anything, but he was a roadman, yes.

I don't really understand what roadman is.

Is it a drug dealer?

I think so, yeah.

Yeah.

Well, they want to change that name.

It sounds too much like somebody that worked on a road.

Yeah.

They should change it to drugs man.

Yeah.

Just laying down some

of the things.

Well, they want to make it a little mysterious for people like us who go, what do you mean you're hanging out with the roadman?

But my point is, the Four Seasons

welcome, Violet, with open arms.

They're so nice to kids.

If you are someone in a family and you want to travel, Four Seasons is a bit expensive compared to some of the others, but it is worth it.

And you know you'll be safe and you know every single time they're just going to go out of their way to be nice to your kids.

And you get good food there and you meet the guy who invented pop chips.

If the guy who invented pop chips goes there, you know it's good.

Do you know who I've met there?

J-Lo, Tina Faye, Mel Gibson, the guy who invented.

And yet you led with the guy who invented pop chips.

Yeah.

I've also met Hollywood A-list celebrities.

Rosie O'Donnell.

I'm meeting every one of the four seasons.

The four seasons is the place to be.

Shaquille O'Neal.

Wow.

They do have brands.

I can't kind of understand why the Pop Chips guy is going around listeners' credentials in the pool.

Yeah.

Because you must feel very inferior with all these celebs walking around and he's like, I invented pop chips.

Well, that's how we got all those celebrity backers by going to the four seasons.

This is it.

Yeah.

Absolutely.

The next time you guys are in L.A.

on a Sunday, this is very, very podcast related.

On a Sunday at the Dahini Four Seasons in LA, probably at the other one as well, they do this Sunday brunch that is off the wall and it's a buffet, but it's not like a tacky buffet.

They have everything

in the world and it's so amazing.

My mouth tastes so much like screaming dill pickle.

And

I am not complaining about it.

Your main course.

So, the food that I love best, I really like Eastern food a lot.

Like, I really, really love ramen and I like a stir-fry.

Eastern.

What do you think I said?

Easter.

I thought you were talking about chocolate.

Easter food.

I was like, yeah, I love Eastern food.

Here we are again.

This is eel and eeor

all over again.

That is a difficult sentence to say.

Eel and eeyore all over again.

I will enunciate for your podcast.

I really love like a Thai green curry with chicken, unfortunately, because I'm still eating chicken.

You've always choose Thai green curry over Thai red curry?

Yes.

Interesting.

I think I'm now coming, I'm coming around to green curry.

That's so nice.

Yeah.

I think I was always a red curry guy because just that masculinity of going for the red because it looks like the spiciest.

That was why.

I think so.

Probably.

Big man.

Well, no, because I love green curry.

But spicy things are green, like you can have green chilies and jalapenos.

I was an idiot.

Sorry, Ed.

Yeah, I love it.

I love green curry.

So that's not necessarily your choice, though, is it?

Because you're just saying you'd like that sort of thing.

Ramen, as well, you mentioned.

I really love ramen.

I really like soups and I really like noodles.

I'll tell you what my dream meal is, and I'll never have it again.

So I'm going to put this on.

Is what?

I don't even know what it's called.

So when I went to university in Toronto, believe it or not, slightly educated,

there was a family restaurant called Salad King, and they were a Thai restaurant right behind my school.

And they made this noodle dish.

It was a bit

like

pad Thai, but the noodles they were using were those thin, thin glass vermicelli noodles.

But something about it was so good.

It was really spicy and it wasn't too saucy.

And it wasn't heavy like a pad thai can be sometimes.

And I don't even know what it was called, but it was the thing.

And it was, there was just enough sauce.

And that was back when like I was poor.

So I would eat kind of half of it with my girlfriends do you remember did was there ever a time in your life or do you still do this now where you like take box food up home and take it and have it for lunch the next day i don't have that discipline now i just don't i'll just eat everything right away yeah i just ate everything or i'll be like oh take it you know but i would eat a quarter or half of this delicious like thai noodle dish and it had like chilies and like shaved carrots and lemongrass and ginger and like soy it was just so good kind of of a peanut sauce in it.

It's genuinely the best thing.

And maybe because I was so hungry all the time back then, it made it even better.

Does sound good.

But I just like carried my fake tits down there and I would get them.

You carried them separately.

Oh yeah.

In a handbag.

I didn't need them until I got to work.

I'm looking at the Salad King menu.

No, are there still a restaurant?

Turn that around, Benito, please.

Siam noodles.

Ring any bells?

The ciam noodles sounds like it could be that.

Rice noodles, carrot, green onion, bean sprout, and egg in a sauce made from peanuts and coconut milk.

That sounds about right.

Yeah, I think that's it.

Let me like walk over there for one second.

It's a veggie, one, a chicken, one, and a shrimp one.

Ah, by Marson University, this is it.

I think it was Bangkok stir-fry.

That is what's ringing a bell with me.

Bangkok stir-fry.

Chocolate.

Plus, I was so like...

you know, like white from a small town when I first moved to Toronto.

So ciam noodles, I might have been like, what?

But Bangkok stir-fry.

I think I went by and it seemed close or something like years ago.

And then I assumed it was out of my life.

Oh, it makes me so mad that I could have had it.

Okay, well, that is genuinely my dream thing.

I'm going to go and I'm going to confirm and I will get back to the podcast and let you know which one it was.

I would put money on it being Bangkok stir-fry.

So bean vermicelli is

also known as cellophane noodles or bean threads or bean thread noodles.

Threads, threads, yes.

A transparent noodle made from starch.

Sounds like it.

And you know what?

This is why I would have loved it because...

Is it those like crazy see-through ones?

yeah yeah yeah that's that's that's the one it was the Bangkok stir and that's the furthest thing from bread you can get in your life is a see-through bean noodle

this feels like I feel like we're kind of like on some sort of like

daytime TV show like Oprah or something and we just bought out a long-lost friend that you haven't seen in ages and it was so good you're getting quite emotional I feel do you know what's gonna disappoint me though is if because I'm not as hungry anymore as I always used to be that I'll be like oh this is shit

Yeah, you're going,

what was I thinking?

Yeah.

We come to your side dish now.

What?

Okay.

It's quite exciting.

I mean, you've just been reunited with an old friend.

Yeah.

Well, keeping it old, my side dish would be poutine,

which is controversial, but it's so delicious.

And I just ate so much of it at Christmas because every time I go to Canada, I get chips and cheese and gravy, but it's a specific cheese that it's like cheese curds, which is a little bit kind of like a cross between mozzarella and halloumi.

It's difficult to explain for British people who haven't had it, but it is not the same as northern chips and cheese and gravy.

It's not.

Yes.

And then I pour vinegar on it, like white vinegar.

Oh, yeah?

Is that common practice?

Do other people do that?

I think they do.

Not everyone, but we have like the best poutine, I would say, is from Smokes Poutinerie in Canada.

and I wish so much.

But you know what?

When I first moved here I wished for Taco Bell so I think if I wish hard enough for Smokes Poutine it will come.

Poutine hasn't like I feel like poutine is on the way to being like a trend here at some point.

Oh please.

It's not had its moment yet.

I think it's surely everything gets a moment.

Should I open like a poutine thing?

I think you can just get ahead of the game and do it.

Give a go if it was your one as well.

Yeah.

Would they?

Am I allowed?

Yeah, yeah.

Call it buns.

And I can make Bobby run it, buns, and I'll make him get his ass out as well.

Yeah, yeah.

Bobby.

With his ass out.

With his ass out and his knees all strapped up.

Hobbling around with Tracy Poutine.

That's a great idea.

Well, poutine is so good.

And at Smokes, you can choose from this crazy board.

You can put anything you want on it.

Like people put like Montreal smoked meat and mustard on poutine.

Some people put chicken on poutine.

Jalapenos, people put bacon on it.

People do like all these crazy ingredients.

I keep it very classic.

And

now you can do it vegan.

Like you can have veggie gravy, which I always have, but I still have real cheese.

Or you can have vegan cheese.

Yeah.

Oh my gosh.

This is what I'm doing.

I came here to catch up with you guys because I missed the hang.

But now I have a business idea.

In America, I go poutine with brisket on it.

Yeah.

That's been really good.

We had that when we went to New York.

First thing we ate.

Yeah.

Stopped at this place.

I had this, well, but it was wigs.

The chip, they weren't like

chips.

They were like roast potatoes.

Yeah, they were.

That's what I thought.

Let me say this.

I hate nothing more than when someone tries to get fancy with poutine and they go and change it.

And I hate to say this about the Four Seasons, but

they're like a bit posh.

So they have this, they call it poutine on the menu, which they should be completely arrested for.

Because they're like, oh, it's like a duck confit.

And I'm like, what?

Can I have poutine like without duck on it?

And they're like, no, no, no.

It's not poutine like you you would normally know.

It's like these skinny like frites.

And then we put like this duck confy is like just a duck that's like marinated in juice for a while.

And they put that on and then they shave some weird cheese.

And I was like, well then, Marcel, that isn't poutine, is it?

Like, I hate that.

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Your drink now.

Now, we've we've always spoken to you about, it's weird because, like, you said, you're the only person who said that, like, water is your favorite drink.

You said that at the start of the episode.

So, it's going to be interesting to know what you're.

You've also spoken about wine.

So, wine.

So, you don't like that vanilla Coke?

No, I don't.

Water is my favorite drink.

But, like, to reference one of your jokes, James, it's like tipsy is my favorite state.

Yes.

Yeah.

Great routine.

Classic routine.

Yeah.

So I like water to drink, but I really like being a bit fucked up.

So

sometimes it's difficult when you're eating as well, though.

It's like, don't even bother drinking.

It doesn't work.

Well, you just have to drink loads.

I can't do that.

Like what I would do is order like a real, it depends on the day, but I would, right now,

I'm on to like nice cold Chardonnay, like a nice glass of like too big glass of white wine.

And I would smash that like before the starter came and it would be lunchtime.

Yes.

I I love drinking in the day.

Yeah.

And I love, I think that's why I like white wine because it's like a respectable middle-class mom's day drink.

Yeah.

You know, if you're like, I'll have a Jagerbomb, please.

And the lunch special, they're like, what?

But I also like gin and tonics and I like vodka sodas.

And I really love, if it was evening, let's say then I would have like a Don Julio white tequila lime and soda.

Oh, lovely.

That's really nice.

I don't like yellow tequila, but I like white.

Right.

Sounds funny.

I quite like one of those now.

I quite like a tequila lime and soda.

And you can have a little chili in it as well.

That's really nice.

Like get a green chili and a green lime.

Oh,

I love this.

There's a certain place that you've had this, or do you make them yourself at home?

Oh, I make them at home.

I have like a whole drinks fridge and it is popping.

But you can get it anywhere.

Hold on, you got a drinks fridge.

Talk about the drinks fridge, please.

Yeah, I want to.

I've my mind's been open to uh my fridge is like normal size.

Yeah.

I've seen a lot of people with some pretty impressive fridges recently.

My fridge.

I have.

I've seen like people doing like tours of their houses and showing like their fridge and stuff.

Who?

There was a car there one of the Kardashians did it recently.

Oh yeah.

Did like a walkthrough of like was it Kim Kardashian did a thing where she showed her fridge and it was just full of drinks and everyone was like, oh, she doesn't eat food.

Was she showing that she just has drinks?

And then she's like, oh no, that's not my food fridge.

And then she's just got like a walk-in wardrobe-sized fridge.

Yeah.

Proper like, she works in a restaurant.

That's my dream.

Yeah.

It's exactly like a restaurant walk-in fridge.

It's a really healthy fridge.

You're a big admirer of the Kardashians, right?

I mean, I admire anyone that everybody else hates.

Yeah.

And then I just think they're not hurting anyone really.

Nobody really needs to be a billionaire.

Fine.

They're a bit vacuous.

Fine.

But I like to relax.

And when I watch the Kardashians, I see big, delicious salads, nice green teas and juices.

I see tasteful interiors.

I always am kind of fascinated by how their makeup's going to be and how their hair is going to be and what they're going to be wearing.

And they're always doing things that look like beautiful.

And there's some like,

I don't know, aesthetic satisfaction out of that.

The same way, I don't know, people probably get satisfaction out of watching a sport.

Yeah.

I don't tell people, oh, what's it matter?

It's only a game.

It's like, no, you like watching football and screaming at the telly.

So do that.

And then I really like seeing how Courtney's like done her wallpaper.

I like it.

Kardashians are great, so I don't have a fridge like that.

That's my dream, like to have a huge fridge.

Yeah, I'd like.

Although I used to work in kitchens, and the walk-in fridge would never be very pleasant.

No, because they'd lock you in it instead.

No, we would lock each other in the

fridge and the freezer, yeah.

Well, really, your dream is that you get someone in the walk-in freezer and then you lock that because you can't open that from the inside.

Yeah, God.

And then they'd be like, oh, God, please.

And that was a lot of fun.

But no, the fridge was just smelly.

Miss, it literally smells in here or whatever.

Literally stinks in here.

Yeah, that's what I'd say when I was in the walking fridge.

But you've got a drinks fridge and you've got a food fridge.

You've got several fridges.

See, that's good.

I'd like that.

It just feels very adult to be like, hello, welcome to my home.

Let's go over to the drinks fridge.

And like, what would you like?

Oh, there's no wine left again.

Whoops.

Are we going with the tequila lime and soda with a bit of chili?

Yeah, that's the most

delicious.

Interesting.

Refreshing, light, and it gets you fucked up.

Is there like a cocktail name for it, or is it just tequila lime and soda?

I think it's tequila lime and soda.

Well, you can name it here officially, and people will listen to you as well.

Because we've just had word that Greg Davis, who's a previous episode, in his local curry house, he complained on the podcast that they've taken lime pickle off the normal condiments at the beginning

and you have to ask for it.

And he texted me the other day to say he went in there and they've heard the podcast and they've now put lime pickle back on the menu, and they call it Greg's Pickle.

Oh, it says Greg's pickle on the menu.

That's right.

So, if you want to name that cocktail now, some menus may take it up.

Yeah,

oh, well, what would you call it?

Well, I think the reason that I drink it, so this might help with the name, and perhaps we can workshop, is that I believe that like really clean white tequila doesn't give you a hangover.

Okay,

and like then, soda isn't doesn't have like that many calories.

And then lime is nice.

It's spicy.

I don't know.

I was going to say like something like good morning, but then that suggests you should drink it in the morning.

Yeah, perfect.

Yeah, that's funny.

The good morning.

Good morning is a great name, Ed.

The good morning.

The good morning is a great day for it.

We come to your dessert, Catherine.

It's very exciting for me.

Always my favorite course.

I brought another present for dessert.

This is my favorite dessert in Canada.

Again, it's a controversial one.

Some people really dislike it.

I love it.

I don't know if it exists here, but I found it.

If it's anything like the screaming dill pickle Pringles, then we're...

It's Tootsie Rolls.

Yes!

I've never had these before, but I've heard about them a lot on

films and stuff like that.

Let me see your Tootsie Roll.

Cotton Candy, Sweetie.

Yo, let me see your Tootsie Roll.

I don't know that Tootsie Roll.

What are they referring to when they say that in rap songs?

I think it's the bum.

The butt?

It's normally the butt, right?

This doesn't look like a butt, though.

No, it doesn't.

I think it's just...

So you gotta like postaging.

This packaging is so classic.

It makes me feel like I'm in a sitcom in the 50s.

It's very withy wonker.

Yeah.

Coming back to that.

I'm not gonna eat my Tootsie Roll now, Kathy.

I know you have.

Because then I'd have to inject and it'd be a whole thing.

But I'm gonna take it with me.

So you have to like.

I'm gonna inject this Tootsie Roll into me, huh?

Twirl off a little piece at the end.

You can't bite it off.

You're gonna have to like spin it off so you get a little piece and then put the whole thing in your mouth.

Look at that.

Yeah.

So I've got a chunk there.

I'll just chuck this in.

Yeah.

Lob this in the gob.

Lob it in the gob.

And you got to sort of suck on it.

If it gets warm, it won't be so chewy.

But it's like kind of

like a chocolate molasses.

Like, I don't even know what Chitsi Roll is.

It looks very chewy, but it does look chocolatey as well.

Oh, yeah.

It's got a real distinctive flavor.

I'm having a good time.

This is great.

So does this, this, you ate a lot of these when you were younger in Canada, right?

Was this, is this a sort of nostalgic dessert?

Yeah, and they have really little ones too, like fun size.

And those are so nice.

And if you got totsy rolls at Halloween, it was always my favourite.

I put those to the side.

It was like a chocolatey,

fudgy kind of, yeah, like

toffee affair.

Also, it feels a bit like I'm eating cake icing.

Yeah.

Like a chunk of cake icing.

Yeah, but chewy.

Which is right up your street, isn't it?

It's like cake icing flavoured toffee fudge.

It's so good.

It is delicious.

The only reason I'm not having another mouthful is because I need to talk.

So

this is your dream dessert, the Tootsie Roll.

Well, let me think.

I brought those for you because it would be great.

I think my dream dessert would be if you were able to make

like a cheesecake and incorporate some Tootsie Roll base.

This is what we like.

We like people inventing their own things.

Yes.

A cheesecake with a Tootsie Roll base is a great idea.

It'd be so nice.

This is instead of the biscuit base.

Yeah.

Yeah, it sounds good.

Well, a biscuit base with like bits of tootsie roll you could even yeah roll in some graham cracker do what you like yeah and then put some like uh some cocoa and molasses through the through the cheesecake mixture as well tootsie roll cheesecake someone must have done it surely this has been a google heavy episode but bonita do some more research tootsie roll cheesecake recipe there it is oh my god

is it yeah uh no reviews uh Tootsie Roll Cheesecake from Mecipee Goldmine.

I made this as a joke for a friend who seems to only eat Tootsie Rolls and drink coffee.

It was wonderful.

I've made it many times since.

Shall I do a shout out of the website?

Is

Epicurious.

I've met Epicurious before, yeah.

It's just like a recipe database.

So you're a fan of cheesecake?

I think I am.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Baked cheesecake or just like when they don't bake it?

I don't think I know the difference.

Boiled.

Boiled cheesecake.

Because you can make like a cheesecake and just put it on there and then chill it.

Really?

Or then there's like New York baked cheesecake where the one that has like the brown top and then it's a bit too

solid.

I think I like cold like

cold like creamy cheesecake.

I think so.

With Tootsie Rolls in it.

Got it.

Got that Jeannie?

Got that.

Got it all written down.

Would you like to hear your order back?

Yes.

Here we go.

It's a very delicious order.

Still water to start off with.

Absolutely no fizzy water going anywhere near you.

Corn chips and salsa.

for your Poppa Domsu bread.

You would like for starter, potato latkers with smoked salmon from the four seasons in Toronto.

Your main course, Bangkok Stir-Fry from Salad King, also in Toronto.

Side.

Poutine from Smoked Poutina in Toronto.

Yep.

Drink not from the Four Seasons in Toronto, who have let themselves down.

Drink with like

a good morning,

Don Helio white tequila with lime soda and chili, a dessert, a tootsy roll cheesecake from Epicurus website

that you only discovered a few minutes ago.

Does that sound good?

Sounds like a good meal?

You've really really repped for Canada as well.

You've come out big for Canada.

Absolutely, yeah.

I didn't realize it until we sat down.

It was all from Toronto.

Well, I will say,

I was hungrier then, so everything tasted better, but also,

I just, I think Canadians have got food nailed.

We really have good food because we get great Mexican and we're really cold, so we eat like warm things.

Thank you very much for coming to the dream restaurant, Catherine.

Thank you, Catherine.

Thank you.

I've enjoyed being in the the Dream Restaurant and seeing you both.

And thank you for the gifts.

And thank you for your time.

What a menu.

And James has a gob full of Tootsie Roll.

I did it again.

Exactly.

Now he did it again.

He knew we were recording an outro.

I'm right back in there.

And he's just dived straight back into that Tootsie Roll, which looks delicious.

I'm in heaven.

Also, although it does look delicious, I've got to say, for many years, I've searched for the perfect thing to make a fake poo out of.

And that would be be ideal, wouldn't it?

It doesn't like a fake poo, to be fair.

And if it was a poo, I'd be standing right under that butt

with my mouth open.

It's delicious.

Lovely menu from Catherine.

I enjoyed that very much indeed.

I really want some tequila now.

That's what I've taken away from that.

Yeah, the tequila with the soda and lime and the chili.

Chili, the chili swung it for me.

Good morning indeed.

Good morning.

Yes, thank you.

And luckily, Catherine Catherine did not say strawberry sauce.

If she'd added strawberry sauce to the good morning, she would have been out on her ear.

Absolutely, but she got to stay in, have the full meal, and we're thankful for it.

We got some screaming dill pickle pringles and some Tootsie Roll.

And I know that these things haven't sponsored us.

They didn't think they were going to, you know, this hasn't been donated for free by the companies.

They're getting a lot of promotion.

They are.

But I am loving them.

So we have been given some stuff.

This is our life now.

We get given, you know, some sort of nice things from companies, which is very exciting and all I want from my life.

We got a few shout-outs to give.

Remedy kombucha.

We talked about booch.

Yeah, we talked about booch.

I love booch.

A lot of people don't like booch.

I love the booch.

I love the booch.

And the remedy kombucha, absolutely delicious, I gotta say.

We got given flaming licks hot sauce.

I love a hot sauce.

Love a hot sauce?

Not tried this one yet, but...

I'm going to put it on my eggs.

Get involved.

I bought a lot of hot sauce for people around Christmas.

Did you?

Yeah.

Bought Debomb.

Oh.

Didn't you receive Debomb as well, though?

Yes, I was given Debomb.

You were given Debom?

And I gave Debom.

You gave Debomb.

Not the same bomb.

Not the same bomb.

The different bomb.

So, thank you, Flaming Licks Hot Sauce.

I will be tasting that.

I can't wait.

And also, London Sake, James.

London Sake.

Which is a drink, right?

Which is a drink.

Yes, it is.

Yeah.

It's not my nickname for you, yes.

You sake bastard.

Oh,

Marwen?

I don't mind a bit of sake, so so I'm looking forward to trying that as well.

Thank you very much for sending that to us.

Thank you very much for listening.

We will see you again another time in the Dream Restaurant.

Goodbye.

Farewell.

This is Hannah Berner from Giggly Squad.

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Oh, hi, James.

Have you heard the news?

Oh, yeah, go on.

You and I are modern boys because the off-menu podcast is now on

This is embarrassing.

Why is it embarrassing, man?

You love YouTube.

I love watching clips on YouTube.

Sure.

Now people can watch clips of Off Menu on YouTube and full episodes.

But it's embarrassing, man.

It's not embarrassing at all.

It's really cool.

We're on YouTube with the great and good.

The coolest people in the world are on YouTube.

Me, you, Logan Paul.

Who's Logan Paul, the dad from Succession?

At Off Menu Podcast.

That's what Benito's calling us now.

And we're on TikTok.

this is embarrassing man it's not embarrassing man we're cool we're like olivia rodrigo and ed people have been asking us battering us bothering us actually they want to watch the stephen graham supercut from the stephen graham episodes they can see all of his reactions to us everything that he did or benito has bent to their whims and he's going to put it on youtube he's going to do it Follow us at Off Menu Official on TikTok at Off Menu Podcast on YouTube.

You can watch clips from the podcast.

And on YouTube, you can watch full video episodes.

People have been asking for it.

And you're finally getting it.

Full video episodes, so you can see every single nuance on our little faces.