Ep 39: Mike Skinner

James, huge news from the world of off-menu and indeed the world of the world.

Yes.

Ever heard of the Royal Albert Hall?

I have.

We've done live shows there.

And guess what?

We're doing more live shows there next year.

Sure, a lot of them are sold out already.

But we thought, hey, throw these guys a bone.

Let's put on one final Royal Albert Hall show in that run.

The show will be on Monday, the 16th of March.

It's going to be a tasting menu, a returning guest coming back, receiving the menu of another previous guest.

Those shows have been a lot of fun.

We cannot wait to do them live.

Who will we pull out of our little magic bag?

You'll have to come along on the 16th of March to find out.

If I'm correct in thinking, presale tickets go on pre-sale on the 10th of September.

Pre-sale tickets are 10th of September at 10 a.m.

And then the general sale is 12th of September at 10 a.m.

So if you miss out on the pre-sale, don't forget general sale is only two days later.

The day in between is for reflecting.

Get your tickets from royalalberthall.com Hall.com or offmenupodcast.co.uk.

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Welcome to the Off-Menu podcast.

If it's not delivered within 30 minutes or less, you get your money back.

Convenient.

Convenient like a food delivery, James?

We're all a winner.

We're all a winner.

Sometimes I deliberately try and slow the delivery man down.

Do you?

Yeah.

Do an obstacle course

all the way through the hallways so he can't get to the to the my door in time.

Oh right, within your within your flat.

Yeah.

Within the block of flats rather than within your actual flat.

Yeah, within the block of flats.

I put an obstacle course.

I swap all the numbers on all the doors in the flats so he gets to the wrong one first.

I I hide my doorbell so he can't ring it.

How do you hide your doorbell?

I just take it opposite unscrew it and and then I hide it under the doormat.

Last place you'd check.

It seems quite inconvenient for you, all of this.

Free Eat said,

Free Tucker.

Well, welcome to the Off Menu podcast.

I'm Ed Gamble.

That man over there is James Acaster.

Say hello, James.

Eating for free.

Now, we are here to talk to a special guest in their dream restaurant about their perfect meal, which consists of James.

Favourite ever, starter, main course, dessert, side dish, and drink.

Not in that order.

And our special guest this week is the one and only

Michael Skinner.

Michael Skinner, is it?

Mike Skinner.

Mike Skinner.

So we'll go with the formal Michael now and hopefully we get to know him during the show.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

He can be Mike.

His manager calls him Michael at the end of When You Wasn't Famous.

Yes.

Oh, by the way, James is such a little fanboy.

He's so excited.

I love the streets.

I love.

What, do I love Mike Skinner?

Not met him.

Not met him yet?

I bet I love him.

I bet you love him.

I love the streets, though.

And James loves the streets so much that this week, we always have a secret ingredient where if the guest mentions it, they get removed from the restaurant.

But this week, the secret ingredient is streets-themed, James.

Plenty of fried tomato.

If Mike Skinner mentions plenty of fried tomato in his meal, he will be removed from the restaurant.

And we'll do it.

Especially if he has plenty of scrambled eggs and plenty of fried tomato.

Then it's a double kickout.

Yeah, see you later.

And if he does that, I'm going to say this.

I'm going to say, get out.

Get out there on the streets.

Oh,

Ed, that will burn him so bad.

I hope he does say that now.

Oh, I hope you get to say that to him, Ed, even though I'm really excited to have him on the podcast.

It'd be so good if you go get out on the streets.

I used to have a joke about the streets.

Did you?

It was an open spot.

I slept on the streets last night.

Fortunately, Mike Skinner was surprisingly comfortable.

Oh.

I like it.

Benito's clapping.

Benito loves it.

Yeah.

You rarely get a clap from Benito.

No, that's.

That's rarity.

You love that.

Oh, a tip of the cap from the Pharaoh.

I really enjoyed that joke, James.

Yes.

Because you could see, if you were doing it as an open spot, the choice of language and the way you delivered it, and you could see you were going to be good.

But let's be honest, the joke itself is poor.

Oh, the joke itself is like, I mean, really sleeping on Mike Skinner

doesn't really make sense.

It doesn't make sense at all.

Doesn't really, I mean, using him as a mattress.

Yes.

And, well, the mattress is on his way in, so we better get going.

Look, don't call in the mattress to his face.

Please try not to.

Remember, Ed, don't call in the mattress.

Here we go.

Mike Skinner, Bebe.

Mike Skinner, Beby.

Here's the off-menu menu of

the mattress.

Ah, damn it.

Oh, no, Ed!

Welcome, Mike Skinner, to the Dream Restaurant.

That's the genie.

There's a genie waiter at this point.

Is this, you know, literal dream or?

Well, it's...

What do you mean by literal dream?

Like it's not...

I mean, there isn't such a thing, is there?

Yeah, yeah.

No, because as soon as it's literal dream.

I meant to put restaurant on the end of dream.

Right, okay.

And using dream as like good, you know?

Yeah, good.

I think it's good.

But Carl Jung, you know,

he liked to go underground, didn't he?

Did he?

Well, dreaming, certainly, yeah.

I mean, not anything else, not restaurants.

We've not confronted whether this is a Jungian dream restaurant, have we?

No, we haven't sorted that out.

We're taking dream and it's a dream.

I guess because it's, you know, because it's your dream restaurant really so like it can be it can be

or it can just be good yeah you can make it good

what do you mean you dreamt underground like like a little I meant that I meant that well dreams are you know under

you know your subconscious yes is under what you you know you act and then and then above that you

you sort of think about those acts and then finally you talk about those acts.

That's the evolution of man.

So where's the in those few stages where the dreams are?

Well you don't you don't know what you're thinking.

That's what Carl Jung.

Oh, you never know what you're thinking.

You don't know what you're thinking.

And you do stuff sometimes.

Do you ever do things you don't know why you did them?

Yep.

All the time.

All the time.

Most things I do.

Yeah.

Say a lot of stuff.

I don't know why I said it.

So is that and that's the subconscious coming to the fore, is it?

Yeah.

So the dream restaurant could be a representation of your subconscious or it could just be a dream.

Well, I mean without even even if it was just a good restaurant it would still represent your subconscious so whether or not you wanted it to or not so straight away in in your dream restaurant what what are you seeing what's the first thing you see when you walk in

um

sort of black

just blackness okay so here's the subconscious yeah yeah yeah it's like a black

yeah just blackness formless as well

isn't it formless sort of a black slow i wouldn't go so far as to say formless.

I'd say certainly curved.

Yeah.

So we're in a black curve.

Yeah.

No, there's,

yeah, I mean.

Any seats?

I like...

Okay, so, you know, I was maybe

playing for gags there a little bit, but,

you know, you're a comedian.

Yep.

So,

but no, I do like dark spaces.

Dark spaces.

With music that you can talk over.

Okay.

Yeah, very important.

Yeah.

Yeah.

And actually people that you can talk over as well.

I was in

Joe and the Juice.

Have you been to Joe and the Juice before?

I have been to

those sorts of places.

I like a spicy tuna panini.

Oh, yeah, sure.

When I'm on a cheat day.

Yeah.

Which is every day.

Yeah, no better cheating than a spicy tuna panini.

Always cheating.

And the music in there, I would say, well,

I was like, it's dance music.

I'd like to take credit for this.

My girlfriend pointed out that the music, she said, it's a bit loud for juice, isn't it?

Yeah, no,

it's like being an Ibiza.

Yeah.

Joe and the Juice.

Yeah, I've noticed that.

Yeah, particularly in Stanstead Airport, because they have one in Stanstead.

Yeah,

it should be quiet music, really, shouldn't it?

Well, but that's the amazing thing about Joe and the Juice, isn't there?

Yeah.

They just are so loud for Joe and Juice.

Who sponsor this podcast?

Yeah, they're the sponsor, yeah, yeah, yeah.

We mentioned them there.

Squarespace?

Do you want me to talk about

it?

If I was going to build a website for Joe and the Juice,

with

what's the email one?

Gorilla Boy or whatever it's called.

Monkey Dunn.

Monkey Dunn Gorilla Boy.

What is it?

No, hang on, no, we're not doing this.

I want Mike to continue to guess what it's called.

You'll wait till it gets to Gibbon Nephew or something.

You mentioned Joe and the Juice at Standard Airport, which reminded me of I met a man once who's his favourite restaurant in the world was the Carluccios at Heathrow.

I hate that.

I really hate that.

Yeah.

No, can I tell you why I hate that?

Yeah.

Because it's before you go through the gate.

And who eats...

Who's eating?

Who gets to an airport and goes, you know what?

I don't care how long the queue's going to be.

I've got no anxiety about whether someone might, you know, find something on my person and choose to search me anally.

I'm just going to sit in Carluccio's outside the gate and really just throw, you know, caution to the wind.

You know,

quite literally, if someone's going to say anally.

You know,

my fuselie and

my robust Malbeck and just not give a shit about the fact that there's a plane there

But it might take off without me Here's the truly mind-blowing thing So that guy but fuck that guy Yeah, but here But the guy the guy wasn't going on a flight That's the mind-blowing thing He would travel to Heathrow eating the Carluccios and then go back over to the family

gas

This guy would take his family there So he's he'd take his wife and two kids Yeah to Heathrow just to go to the Carluccios at Heathrow because it's his favourite Carluccios and he liked looking at the planes right?

I don't know if he don't see the planes

he's not.

He never said that you might look at the planes, that guy.

There's no windows.

Yeah.

No windows.

Your dream restaurant.

Yeah.

Yeah, no, I mean,

you can be black with windows.

Yeah, you know,

but it would just need to be black outside.

There would have to be very little light pollution.

You know, you'd have to be in sort of southern India.

Yeah.

You know.

So your dream restaurant is at Carluchios in southern India.

I'm, you know, I mean, listen, I've been to Carluchios.

Yes.

Like all all of us, you know

And it's great, you know

it does the job

It does the job

I mean it's yeah, no, I mean yeah black curbs windows very little light pollution bang worry I'm a cultured guy before we start because you're doing a lot of travelling for you for your job aren't you?

You've seen the world

Yeah

Best airport food you've ever had best meal you've ever had in an airport curveball question

I I once had a really nice

Arancini

which is a deep-fried rice ball

in,

I'm going to say Milan actually, yeah.

Milan airport.

Although it could have been Naples.

But it was

that neck of the woods.

You had a very nice Arancini.

It was definitely Italy.

Yeah.

Yeah, lovely Arancini in a airport.

Yeah.

Did you exclaim on it?

When you had it, were you like, this is the best thing I've ever had in an airport?

I'm...

yeah I mean food

I like food

yeah

we've not really we normally we ask up top are you a foodie do you would you consider yourself a foodie or is it more a fuel situation

I don't think anyone has the right to claim to be more of a foodie than anyone else interesting it's not like um

you know

sort of high-end racing drones is it or

or you know or Byzantine

Patterns, you know, it's food everyone does it, you know, we we all have to eat right yeah, so we're all foodies.

So

I yeah, I say I'm a foodie as much as you could ever be sure

So yeah, food eaters like you you talked about we're all foodies in like you know just being anything that eats is a foodie yeah Yeah.

A dog a foodie?

Well, I do know some foodie dogs.

My dog is highly motivated by food.

Right, yeah.

Even more so than humans.

Most dogs.

Not hugely fussy.

Yes.

Highly motivated by food.

Yeah.

There's another dog I know.

That dog, very difficult to get it to eat.

Really?

To the point where its owner

fries chicken in the morning.

Right.

deep fries

orders a separate delivery yeah for the dog really yeah so I'm having let's say Arancini you know from Carluccio's yeah

not as good as

the Milan airport Milan airport but you know Heathrow Airport Milan airport airport Arancini is airport Arancini come on yeah come on airport Arancini yeah so so yeah I mean

the the the dog that I know has a meal cooked or delivered.

So, are you saying that the dog who has a human meal delivered to it

is less of a foodie than the dog that is just motivated by food and will eat anything?

I

just simply

playing devil's advocate.

Sure.

You know.

You tell me.

Interesting debate, isn't it?

I mean, you know.

There's one that gets deliveroo, pretty picky dog.

Yeah.

Yeah.

But then there's one that's deliberately.

Arguably, really, that dog doesn't like food doesn't like food but has to have a human meal and my dog really just

you know anything and just loves it absolutely loves it what are they getting on chicken fee you know chicken fee all that stuff and the and the the pellets you know yeah you put some pellets you shouldn't give a dog chocolate though or grapes you know that's poisonous for dogs madness

madness i knew about chocolate i didn't know about grapes well do you own a dog no why are we even talking about it then well because arguing You have no experience of the subject.

You're asking, quite frankly, a professional.

Yeah.

That's how you learn in life.

I think even if you don't have a dog, you should know instinctively not to give a dog grapes.

And you should always play tennis with someone who's better than you.

Right.

Yeah, that's true.

Is that what I'm doing now?

This is a metaphor.

Yeah, yeah.

Yeah, you're with a really good tennis player, right?

We were a really tennis player of owning a dog.

I'm

returning every shot.

You're the nadal of owning a dog.

I'm swinging wildly in the wind, but I haven't hit a single ball.

Yeah, that's true.

But I just didn't know the grape thing.

No, but I didn't know the grape thing, but if I think about it deep down, I did.

I mean,

when I had a dog as a kid,

we didn't know any of this, you know, grapes, chocolate.

No.

None of that.

Think how many dogs were lost today.

Well, I don't remember any dogs dying because, I mean.

but that you didn't know at the time.

That might be why all those dogs were dying.

I just think the world's gone politically

correct, you know.

Yeah, yeah.

Polo crape's gone mad.

You can't even give a crape to a dog instead.

Would you like still or sparkling water, mate?

Get that clear.

Mitch Brudel.

Still or sparkling.

Mitch Brudel.

Mitch Brudel.

What are you saying?

Mitch Brudel for?

With bubbles.

Oh, is that what it is?

Yeah.

Fontastiche.

That's lovely.

I'm going to go to the bathroom.

Now, where have you learnt this?

That was Japanese.

So, do you learn bits of language everywhere you go?

No.

So,

just Germany and Japan.

Just Germany and Japan are the two.

They're the best.

You know, sparkling water in three languages.

I love Germany.

Yes.

I love Germany.

Been there a lot?

Loads.

Where's the best place?

Sometimes

more than the UK.

We've done tours that have been bigger or more dates in Germany than

in the UK.

I I don't know why that is, but I we tend to do more festivals in the UK.

Are you surprised by that?

Because like obviously

you especially like to begin with actually always have like made sure it's like quite UK centric your lyrics and stuff like that.

Is it surprising when places like Germany?

I mean yeah at the very beginning it was but I think

as you get older you realize that

being

specific

is

is is is a a way of sort of

being

general in a way.

People just want

authenticity, you know.

If I'm listening to like a German rapper, I want to hear really what it is like in Strasbourg,

which is not in Germany, you know, it's just sort of near Germany.

He could visit.

Yeah.

Frankfurt.

Yeah.

He could have visited, couldn't he?

Yeah, yeah.

Visited.

It could have been a song about his holiday.

You're right.

No one's listening to like.

I'm a journal in Strasbourg.

Do I really feel?

I was walking in Memphis, wasn't it?

I was

instant parody.

You've taken me to three different places in one line there.

So sparkling water, Mike, that's always your choice, is it?

Yeah, I mean, it reminds me of being really thirsty, sparkling water.

And I think that's good.

Because

I've often woken up in the middle of the night having drank,

drunk, drank all

of the still water.

In a hotel or something, yeah.

So you're in a hotel.

And it's like you're...

so thirsty.

It's like, I'm just going to

hit the sprudel.

Yeah.

So you pop the cap.

And weirdly, the fizz and

the hydration just is and you learn to love that.

You learn to love it.

Yeah.

You know, you learn.

You've lost a lot of things.

And then weirdly, it's like because it's a last resort, weirdly then when you're in a restaurant and maybe you've got a music video to

get ready for and you can't be drinking Stella Artois

or even chassis montache, you know.

Stella Artois, chassis montache,

a robust Maubeck,

sometimes it's to be sparkling water

and at that point

you can you know go from feeling like this is really not not fun to this reminds me of that time when I was desperately thirsty and this stuff saved my life so you're sort of thinking if you can't have a stellar artoire you'll have a sprudel it's like a sort of flavourless lager really isn't it yeah is that what you see it as that I never see it as a flavourless lager

although although I did try to put a fizzy water into an espresso machine once

And that doesn't really work, but it kind of tastes like the champagne of coffee.

Oh, is that what it was like?

Yeah.

I've had a fizzy coffee before.

It didn't.

It was by accident.

It didn't really work for me, I'll be honest.

But I'll try it again and think of it as the champagne of coffee.

I think it's going to work lovely.

Where were you when you did this fizzy coffee?

In Stockwell.

You were in Stockwell?

Yeah.

I used to live in Stockwell.

Okay.

So you drank in the Canton Arms?

I have drunk in the Cantonese.

You don't drink, do you?

Well, no, I do.

Yeah, but yeah,

I'm a big boy.

But like,

I've spent a lot of time DJing, right?

And I think that's probably more similar to being a comedian than being a musician.

Yeah.

How so?

Dealing with a lot of people.

Well, you're more alone.

Uh-huh, sure.

When you tour, how do you tour?

I just do two hours on my own, and my tour manager's with me.

What I mean is it's the travel.

I don't care about the gig.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

The travel

is two of you.

Two of us, yeah, yeah.

Okay.

In the car.

In a car.

And we both control the heat on each side.

You've got too much money.

You've got too much money.

You make your life too easy.

Yeah.

Not you.

One makes one's life too easy.

Do you think you've gone through that?

You've made your life too easy and they had to make it hard again?

Yes.

Yes.

DJing's hard.

Yes.

Yeah.

That's more of a solo pursuit, I guess.

Yeah, I never had a tour manager.

for my DJing.

Sometimes I should have.

But I kind of, the reason I DJed was to sort of like be, I guess, to be independent

and to sort of really,

I guess, like get into music again, you know.

I mean, a bit like you, you know, listening to all that music and

fucking sorting yourself out and shit.

Yeah, rediscovering it all again and getting connected with it.

Do you find that like you can't list you can't watch comedy like just for joy?

Oh yeah, I watch comedy for joy.

Yeah, yeah, absolutely.

Because I'm quite bad at listening to music for joy.

Oh really?

Because I tend to sort of think about like the

snare drum.

Right, yeah.

I'm like,

probably, I don't know, if I was mixing this,

do it differently, tweet yourself.

I think I enjoy watching comedy that's so far away from my own.

Yeah.

So if I go and watch someone who's just

doing stand-up like me,

I am overthinking it and thinking about the whatever the snare drum in

anecdotes is.

But it's far away from you.

Weird shit.

Yeah.

Like, or sketch comedy or like weird character stuff.

Anything that's so far away, it's not comparable and then I can just relax and enjoy it.

Yeah, pop-doms or bread.

Pop-doms or bread, Mike.

Pop-lums or bread.

Pop-a-dums?

Or bread?

Yeah, that's the choice.

Okay,

I'm going to go with

bread.

Bread.

Although, you know, I'm kind of a brummy, so...

Yeah.

Sorry.

That's what, yeah, a few people, I think, were anticipating pop-a-doms.

Yeah, they were.

They were like, that guy likes a balte.

Yeah, surely they'd say pop-doms.

I would also think, like, if I was to think which one of those two would most likely get a shout out on one of your songs you would say you would say pop a doms because it's more lyrically pleasing just sounds sounds it's more fun to fit into a rap or something pop a doms yeah don't you think you would rather than shouting out bread although which one have you shouted out either of them before

I definitely haven't said pop a dom in a song no definitely well I'm 99% sure.

Yeah.

That seems a shame.

I can never be completely sure.

But I mean,

people have played me, read out the lyrics to old songs of mine.

This was in a quiz, actually.

Yeah.

Read out the lyrics to my own song.

Didn't know whose it was.

Yeah.

Or

so for that reason, it's not, I'm not 100%.

Yes.

But I think something would just go bing, you know, if I'd have used Popadom in a song.

I'm trying to think.

No, I'm pretty sure.

I've never used Poppadom.

Bread, I'm probably 50% sure I've never said Bread in a song.

I don't think it would be considered shouting out Bread.

You know?

Well, you're just mentioning it.

Yeah.

It was not like shout out to Bread.

There's been two shout-outs on this podcast of robust Malbex.

Yeah, they have.

You're clearly a fan of a robust Malbec.

I'm going to go for three.

I'm a bit gutted that you've spotted this pattern because

I'm doing that thing that you guys do.

And right at the end, I'm going to be like, like a robust Malbex.

And you're going to be like, oh my God, he was genius.

I just thought he kept saying robust mouth bit.

See, we've spotted the snare drill.

That's what it is.

And this is why you can't enjoy my performance.

You've done that stuff before in the past, anyway.

You do it on a...

What was the final track on Granite Cover 3, you do that?

You repeat it.

It was an accident.

Repeat certain phrases.

No, it wasn't an accident.

Don't make it an accident, Mike.

I know an accident when I see one.

Do you?

Yeah.

What's an accident?

What's the last accident you saw?

What's the last accident I saw?

I saw my friend Nish Kumar try and jump over a fence and mess it up.

Yeah, it was very funny.

I was there too.

He was trying to jump over it properly and then he messed up and he landed really hard in his side.

Didn't do that on purpose.

And alcohol.

No.

No.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Yeah, to be fair, to me.

Yeah.

To be fair, but you also went over the fence badly and you hadn't had a drink.

Yeah, that was an accident.

Yeah, that was an accident.

I hadn't had a drink either.

But I mean, comedians and DJs, I find they either drink or they bloody well don't drink.

Sure.

You know, and I think there's, you know,

it's like basically being like

a travelling salesman, isn't it?

You can get quite sad,

you know.

Yeah, absolutely.

I know you reach for the red wine.

Yeah.

You know.

It's always red wine, isn't it?

And it's always a little shiraz.

Oh,

I feel like a mouse caught in a trap.

Right, I'm going to get this back on track.

What sort of bread, Mike?

Any particular sort of bread?

Well, I just did one of those injection things on the internet and it told me that I was gluten intolerant.

Whoa, big, big news.

So I don't, I generally try not to have gluten, but fuck it.

Yeah, well, also, it's the dream restaurant, so if we can sort of, we can avoid some of the side effects, I think.

Okay.

But hang on, hang on, hang on.

We're talking about a starter or we're talking about bread.

No, no, no, we haven't been in the bar.

No, because fucking don't fucking.

I'm not going to do that.

Because I would not choose bread

as a starter.

This is an extra thing, don't worry about it.

Tricking you into making poppadums or bread just starters.

Yeah, that's just

deceitful.

I'm going to go for sourdough.

Yes.

Yes.

Because it's kind of less gluten in it.

It's got a different culture and that.

But it still kind of tastes as good as white bread.

Because let's be honest.

We just want white bread, don't we?

Right.

No one likes

multi-grain brown bread.

No one likes to get bread.

No, you're lying.

You're lying.

you.

Carl Jung,

he would take you to pieces.

Would he?

Yeah.

Can we book him on the pod?

He's dead.

Bad luck.

Who's laughing now, Carl Jung?

You can make out that he's going to get one over on me.

I'm not dead, am I?

So who's smarter?

I think given that.

At this point in time, you are way smarter than even Einstein.

Yeah.

Yeah, you're doing better than Einstein, man.

Smarter than them all.

But he wore the same suit every day, you know, just like me me and Johnny Cash hold on you wear the same suit every day I don't wear a suit but you wear the same clothes every day

do you buy the exact same thing over and over yeah so you've got what we're looking at now you own those exact things multiple times yeah

why

uh i just um it's easy to pack okay yeah

so because you're moving around a lot you want the same outfit it removes the decision from your life i guess yeah yeah like steve jobs yeah like steve jobs i I mean, you know, people have said that I remind them of Steve Jobs, you know, and I don't get offended by that.

No.

You're doing better than Steve Jobs, James.

Yeah, I'm doing better than Steve Jobs.

You are

dead.

Doing pretty well winning in this game.

Is that interesting?

Yeah.

So, so, like, it's pretty much pretty much all in black, aren't you?

Pretty much.

Pretty much.

Pretty much.

That's every day.

Every day, yeah.

When you you see people

for more than one day in a row,

and you don't know them very well, do you feel like at some point you have to say to them, by the way, this is like...

No, I've never had the conversation.

But people

kind of know it, you know.

They know.

Yeah, no one's ever mentioned it.

No one's know what you're doing.

My children mention it, you know, but it's been their whole lives, so they don't.

Yeah, well, they're there in their grey uniforms, aren't they, that you make them wear every day?

Instead of there in the grey onesies that you've dressed in the world.

One day you could wear a Hawaiian shirt and just blow their minds.

They won't recognise you.

Imagine it.

Yeah, I think, yeah.

I mean, it's almost like it goes so far then.

You go so far into this thing

that it actually would be harder to not do it rather than do it.

So it's not like every day I think...

Well, I'm going to wear black because.

You know, it's like I only have black stuff.

So so for me to say, I'm going to put on a pink shirt, it would just,

that would be more weird than wearing black every day.

You'd be going out of your way.

And also, people will be like, oh, my God.

I mean, the people I know,

they'd be like, oh, my God, why are you wearing a pink shirt?

And I don't want to have that conversation.

Sure.

I just want to

just, you know,

smoke

and fuck and drink.

Yeah.

And wear a party and bullshit, you know?

Yeah, yeah.

Yeah, we'll be thinking about what you're wearing.

Let's be real.

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You check your feed and your account.

You check the score and the restaurant reviews.

You check your hair and reflective surfaces and the world around you for recession indicators.

So you check all that, but you don't check to see what your ride options are.

In this economy, next time, check Lyft.

For your starter, Mike.

Yes.

So you'll start now.

We have not tripped you.

We're not making you have bread as your starter.

Yeah.

You've got that bread.

That's a bonus.

Yeah.

That's in the bag.

The sourdough's in the bag.

It's a freebie.

What would you like for your starter?

Cushy punch.

What?

So cushy punch is a very famous

Californian weed edible.

Ah!

I'm not into weed.

Yes.

Makes me think that I left the iron on.

Yeah, yeah.

You know?

Yeah, sure.

I don't mean.

It makes you paranoid.

Makes you paranoid, you mean?

Yeah, makes me think

something.

I know that exact feeling.

You know?

Yeah.

Don't like that feeling.

You don't like weed, however.

So, however, I don't like weed, but Cushy Punch

do a

indica-only one.

So there's like, apparently there's like two things, sativa and indica is like in weed.

Yes, and it's sativa that makes you think you left the iron on.

Someone in California has very

generously removed the did I leave the iron on factor from weed

and put it into a edible a jelly

and just left the indica bit, which is the sort of like bodily sort of thing where you just go,

I don't care about the iron.

Yeah, It might be on the other side.

No, fuck it.

You know.

And so, yeah, and it also, as well, just makes you really enjoy food.

Oh, it actually gears you up for the rest of the meal as well.

That's clever.

You'll be unsurprised to learn that you're the first person to pick a weed edible as their starter.

Yeah, even though no one's picked it yet, it is 100% what all the listeners thought you were going to pick.

So that's good.

No one's surprised?

Yeah.

Come on, James.

Tell us about all your drugs experiences.

I've never done any drugs.

Well, you have?

Oh, yeah, sorry, yes.

Yeah.

Heroin.

Alcohol, coffee, all stuff.

Yeah, of course I have, yeah.

Ever had an operation?

Ever been anesthetised?

Have I?

I think so, yeah.

Yeah, so I have.

Yeah, I have, yeah.

I'm familiar with this chat.

Yeah, I have.

I've done drugs myself.

Actually, air is a drug because everyone's addicted to it.

Yeah, there you go.

Yeah, there you go.

Air is a drug.

That's one of my opinions I have.

Yeah, yeah.

Ever drunk water?

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Good point, actually.

Water.

Good point.

Water's a female birth control pill.

Absolutely.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Absolutely.

That's not where I thought you were going with it.

There may be only trace elements, but.

Yeah, that's true.

I can see

the boobs are developing nicely.

Yeah, thank you very much, Mike.

Thank you very much.

You've got your eye on those for your dessert.

Absolutely.

So the starter is to sort of gear you up for the rest of the meal, really.

So it's just going to frame the meal nicely.

I think so.

Yeah, I think it's a lot.

It's a lot of fun.

It's making you hungry.

Does it have a flavour?

Somebody like me, he's a little bit more.

Yeah, no, they can date.

I think the ones I get are like mango, you know.

You're going to get a mango.

Punchy Kush, did you say?

Cushy punch.

Cushy punch.

Cushy punch.

Punchy cushion.

Don't tell me.

That's really showed how much of a square I am.

I'll go in.

Do you have a punchy cush for my friend Mike?

That's the one that makes you think you left the iron on the punchy cushion.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Don't go on the punchy kush.

The punchy cush is awful stuff.

Punchy cush is just like, you just feel like you've just imagined someone

beating up a cushion.

A mango cushy punch.

A mango cushy punch for a starter.

Sort of jelly.

Yeah.

And how long does that take to kick in?

Yes.

That's that's going to be like 20 minutes.

So we'll hold off bringing your main for 20 minutes.

Yeah, what's that thing they do in the restaurant, you know, where they just do that like random check and you've always got a mouthful of food, haven't you?

Oh, yeah, the come on.

Is everything all right?

Yeah, yeah.

And you're well, you're either having a the best bit of your conversation if you if you're with someone.

But I often eat alone.

Yeah.

And I'm usually watching

something on YouTube.

You can watch that in the restaurant.

We can have a little bit there for you.

What's your favourite YouTube video?

We'll pop it on the big switch.

Wow.

Wow.

What's your favorite YouTube video?

Do you know what?

There's a few that I like.

And I'm quite into like,

well, I'm into ASMR quite a lot.

I watch that to relax.

Wow.

Yeah.

So keyboard tapping.

I'll watch that.

Well, there's one, it's just this guy doing mesmerism on another guy.

Yeah.

Where it's just like just touching different parts of his body and making him relaxed and then it makes me feel really relaxed.

And I've probably absolute pervert.

Yep.

Well, it's not.

It is, but that's what it is.

ASMR is just per is not perv stuff.

It is.

It's perv stuff.

There are some pervy ones, but I'm not.

No,

no, but I think there's, I think there, no.

There are ones with like hot girls, which you know, I think I've got to.

I don't watch those ones.

no thank you you know

and I think it's a bit lazy to just

use

you know

female sexual attraction in a name but no absolutely ASMR is not sexy thank you

right but that's it's it's different but I mean we sexualize everything don't we we sexualize you know Grand Prix racing do we with well the you know on the track and sex oh I thought you meant just the the cars going around.

I thought that might just be you.

That's Fallak.

Carl Jung actually

think he would take the Grand Prix to pieces, Carl Young.

Absolutely destroy it.

My favourite YouTube video is a little, there's a little Girl Scout singing about what cookies she sold and then she's swinging on the kitchen countertop and then she falls forward and smashes her face on the counter.

Yeah, I'll change my answer to that actually.

I've seen that and it is really funny.

Not as relaxing as the ass is good, though, but it is funny.

And I know it sounds bad, Mike, but what's funny about it is that you know at the start of the video that she's going to fall over because it's in the title of the video.

Yeah.

And so you're watching it, expecting it to happen.

And there's a point where she's doing a victory dance because she's sold so many cookies.

And you think, here we go, she's about to fall.

And she doesn't fall.

And then she just sits back and goes, I'd sold 60.

And then she falls.

It's funny that it happens at that point.

It's good.

Yeah.

So we'll pop that one before you if you want.

You know, you're comedians, aren't you?

So

just laughing at everything.

Yeah.

Chuckling away.

But what's your one, though?

To put up in the dream restaurant, if you want to put it, it doesn't have to be your all-time favourite, but one that you'd like to watch while you're having your meal.

So the cushy punch is, it's settling in.

Yeah.

You'll say 15 minutes in.

We put on a YouTube video for you.

You're feeling cushy?

Okay, I'm going to go with Rick James.

Yeah.

On the Dave Chappelle show.

Yeah.

You know.

Very good classic.

Classic.

With Eddie Murphy's brother.

Yep.

Shout out to that guy.

Yeah.

Or the Prince one, where they play basketball.

Yeah, very funny also.

So you watch some Dave Chappelle shows.

We'll put it on a playlist.

We'll put it on on the Chappelle show playlist.

You can watch all those.

No.

No?

Okay.

You said

what's your favorite YouTube video?

That's what you said.

You didn't say what's your favorite kind of video, because to be honest, my favorite kind of video is completely different.

Okay.

It's like sort of lectures.

I like lectures

about like

the adaptive unconscious.

Sure.

Or

yeah, clinical psychology or something like that.

Yeah, yeah.

Can I just say that?

Absolutely not.

If I was to choose a genre, it would be totally

Rick James on Dave Chappelle or those kinds of videos.

I mean, it's probably the worst time to have an edible is when you've got a genie.

In a black room.

Yeah, in a black room with a genius.

The restaurant is very odd now.

The black room, the black curve, you're saying the black curve watching the lecture about the adaptive unconscious.

Yeah, with very little light.

So, what a lovely starter.

But 20 minutes later, your main course arrives.

What is it?

I'm going to have three impossible burgers.

Great.

You've got so much respect for the multiple.

Yeah.

Also, a lot of questions about the multiple.

Why three?

Well, you know, one is never enough.

I like my food.

Yes.

Maybe not as much as my dog.

Yeah.

Obviously, you know, I think that

meat will be illegal in about 50 years.

We're either going to have to eat lab-grown meat, but I think that's probably energy-wise,

probably going to be, well, at the moment, it seems almost as bad, if not worse.

So I think really we're going to have a plant-based diet.

I'm not a vegetarian.

I've been a vegan for a while.

I don't like eating red meat

because of the energy.

But yeah,

I'm trying.

You're trying, yeah.

I'm trying.

But sometimes when you're in a foreign country,

it's hard.

Yeah, it's getting easier here, I think.

And the Impossible Burger is mind-blowing.

Where's this Impossible Burger come from?

I had it in the snazzy restaurant in LA

when it came out.

But you can get them.

There's a chain in America that does them.

I think Fat Burger does them.

Fat burger.

But it's to do with the enzyme in blood.

It tastes like blood.

That's why it's good.

So is it like a little big, big blood burger?

Mike's doing a face up me now for the listeners.

Scrunched your face up.

I'm doing a face for radio.

You scrunched your face up, didn't you, when you thought about the blood burger and how much you like it?

Yeah.

What else is good?

So with the impossible burger, I always hear about how it's this fake meat burger and it bleeds if you squeeze it.

Yeah.

But

the other elements, the bun and the salad or whatever, the sauce, are they good?

Oh, yeah.

So that's just.

Yeah, I mean,

let's, you know, we need to talk about the vegan cheese on there as well.

Let's talk about the vegan cheese.

Well, you know, I mean, I don't know the science behind it.

I maybe should watch a lecture

about that right now.

Yeah,

pop it up on the screen, vegan cheese.

Carl Young, talk about that.

I've had my fair share of vegan cheese.

Yeah.

And this is bloody good.

What makes it better?

Because sometimes I guess vegan cheese would be a bit plasticky.

Don't ask me.

Ask Carl Jung.

But why am I asking Carl Jung everything today?

Vegan cheese, I think, does a very good impression of like burger cheese.

So I think vegan replies.

Yes, yes.

Yes.

Yes.

Vegan replacements for things are often really good versions of.

Yeah, like a vegan cheddar is bad.

Yeah.

Right, yeah.

Vegan blue cheese,

bad.

But yeah, you're right.

You hit the nail on the head.

I think because in like in burger cheese, there's very little sort of dairy anyway.

It's just plasticky.

So it's a good version of it.

There's a really good vegan cheese called Follow Your Heart, which is like slices of cheese.

And there's one that's like a Pepperjack vegan slice, which is excellent.

Pepperjack?

Pepperjack?

Are you vegan?

No, I did it for a while, but now I'm just trying to...

I think, like you, I'm just trying.

Yeah.

Trying to make good decisions.

I think cutting out red meat

is an essential or trying to cut out red meat

is pretty.

Byron have got a very good vegan burger now.

It's not the Impossible Burger, but it's a version of it.

And it just tastes like a really...

It tastes like a bird's eye, like, barbecued burger.

And when you want that sort of charcoal taste, it's really good.

Because of all the young chat, when you said Byron, I thought we were getting another quote.

But here we go.

Someone else is going to take me to pieces.

Byron.

Yeah, Lord Byron cooks a lovely vegan burger.

Yeah.

He was just a fucking caner though, wasn't he?

Was he?

Yeah.

Lord Byron, yeah.

Will he have some cutie?

Mary Shelley, she was, she was, she was alright.

Lord Byron had a big bear.

Yeah, he was just a fucking waste man.

You didn't like him?

If a

terrible alcoholic.

Was he?

Yeah.

Big old boozer.

Big time.

Kana.

Had a bear.

Yeah, and they were into, you know, Laudenham and shit like that, and ether and stuff.

Not sure you can judge, bearing in mind your starter.

Listen, I don't like weed.

I don't like weed.

But you have to admit, it's pretty pretty natural.

Sure.

I mean, leaving sugar to ferment is pretty natural.

Yeah.

And there's an argument to be said that, you know, we always did that and always needed to do that, and there's something that alcohol

serves

wi with to do with ripeness of fruit, you know.

But we yeah, weed's pretty natural compared to, say, ether,

uh

ether or or or or, you know, Loudanum, you know, which is

smack, liquid smack, basically, isn't it?

Well, we might be hearing about that with the dessert.

I just like boozing.

You like boozing, don't you, James?

I'll go out on the weekend.

I like boozing.

Now you say the bit about weed, we'll go back and forth for ages, and then

I'll say that I'm going to batter you at the end.

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Add a little

to your life.

Offers are subject to change and certain restrictions may apply.

You check your feed and your account.

You check the score and the restaurant reviews.

You check your hair and reflective reflective surfaces and the world around you for recession indicators.

So you check all that, but you don't check to see what your ride options are.

In this economy, next time, check Lyft.

So side dish, anyway,

side dish.

Korean chicken wings.

Korean chicken wings.

Yes.

yes.

Because I think I'd like,

as a kind of a bridge in a lot of ways

to sort of the African and Caribbean experience, the idea that you must season your chicken.

Yeah, this is important.

Yeah, unseasoned chicken.

is really bad.

And the difference in a buffet, you know, joy

from a sort of

a wedding where they don't season the chicken.

It's depressing.

Unseasoned chicken breast is the most depressing food I can think of.

But chicken's actually one of the most wonderful things

in the world.

And when it becomes illegal,

it's going to be a sad day.

I'll be dead.

You will be dead.

So the Korean chicken wing, I had some Korean chicken wings the other night.

Absolutely delicious.

The gotcha jang, the fermented chili paste on that.

It's It's so good.

Yeah.

Where are you getting them from?

Do you make them yourself or is there a specific restaurant?

I can't cook, no.

There's a pub that I go to sometimes.

But really, you know,

there's a lot out there.

There's a place called Chicken Sours.

Yes, yeah, yeah, yeah.

Those are amazing.

Yeah, I went to chewing sours the other day, got a lot.

I over-ordered, if I'm honest.

Should do.

Still further going on.

Do you like a whiskey sour?

Yeah, I do like a whiskey sour.

That was what

actually, I kind of didn't really

drink until I had a whiskey sour.

And then

it was a gateway because I really like sweet things and puddings.

Yeah, it's a half-way.

I'm going to get you some Laudenham, actually, some liquid smack.

Yeah.

So throw me right in at the deep end.

Give a Loudenham sour.

This is what it's like.

I interviewed Sean Ryder once, and

he was like this with me.

He was like, I'm going to

give you so much drugs.

he said to he invite me out for a pie and then he he he gave away what his what his plan was by going I'm gonna put loads of drugs in the pie and I was like what I think he was probably joking though he was trolling he was trolling he was trolling me he was he told me that people like me who um

people like you yeah

people like me who haven't like you know done drugs as much as he has he said I'm gonna live longer than you because you're gonna get into drugs when you're like 40 or 50 I mean you'll kill yourself in a year you know what that does happen i have

i've i've definitely uh there's someone quite close to me

um yeah

yeah yeah yeah

scary in it but also you know while i was talking to him uh he was chewing gum and it was uh an absolute nightmare for him because it kept sticking to his teeth yeah uh while he was talking in his lips and he and he would it would kind of form a web between his two lips and then he would try and get in there with his hand but then his hand would come out and it'd have the chewing gum on it and he's like stopping stopping he's kept on talking i'm fucking out i like i like i like doing that the whole time with this kind of like spider's web and you felt like cigourney weaver looking at i had to pretend it wasn't looking at the alien like that exactly so he may live longer but he has to live longer doing stuff like that yeah i had to pretend it wasn't happening for the whole thing and going i'll throw a pint at tonier wilson i'll fuck fuck

fuck me

fucking out hang on is that a mank accent

it's a man with chewing gum in his mouth i famously can't do accents but like i thought it was pretty spot on that one.

John Mostin

commentating on

football.

He's a Manchester football.

No, no, no, no.

Absolutely not.

Sounds it.

So we've got

excellent Korean chicken wings at Bone Daddy's as well.

Oh, yeah.

And I had some really good ones at Eat 17 a couple of nights ago.

If there's a place in Birmingham or wherever where you can recommend for great Korean chicken wings.

Mellows, actually.

Go to Mellows.

Mellows.

Mellows,

it's Jamaican.

Yeah.

But Mellows is amazing.

For good.

And that's

You used to be in like a

disused office,

which is kind of weird.

You kind of went up these stairs and felt like you were sort of getting a temporary job, you know.

Right, yeah.

And then used to sign on at an agency, you know, and sort of put things in envelopes.

Yeah.

You know.

We gotta do your drink.

Okay, so I'm gonna drink sake, actually.

Sake.

Yeah, because I actually think, weirdly, uh it's it really serves every purpose

are you drinking it cold or hot

um it can be warm it can be cold

um and that's another reason why it's perfect so you're gonna have both are you gonna have both available

i would probably maybe you know i mean hell you know start cold

go warm build it up end cold i uh start cold but it's everything i mean it's you know it it tastes great you know it's it's um as you say cold or hot, you know.

You can show off with it, you know, you can get expensive sake, so it's got that sort of wine thing, you know.

You can be cultured, you know.

Unlike, you know, they try and make beer posh, don't they?

Yeah.

Never, weather works.

Yeah, you know.

Never works.

So it can be expensive, you know, it's also low in calories as well.

Yeah.

What'd your point of me when you said that?

Because you're low in calories.

Clearly, you're in such good shape.

I look low in calories.

That you look like you drink a lot of sake.

Yeah,

I drink a lot of sake.

I did a sake of a lot of people.

I think that was a pretty sake.

Sake tasting experience at Japan.

You are what you drink, Mike.

Do you like that?

That little dad joker just made?

There he is.

That's a fake hiccup.

First fake hair cake up on the pod.

And you stuttered then.

Yeah, I did do a little stutter.

You're nervous.

Yeah, very nervous.

Interviewing Mike Skinner.

I would

single back.

I would talk along that line, but that would mean me talking in the third person.

And that would be like Craig David.

Which you admire and respect?

Mike Skinner

would

loves to be on this show.

Yes.

Anyway.

Mike's eating an orange for the listener.

That's not what that noise is.

Not for the listener.

We're letting you know.

He didn't come in a girl and we'll eat this for the listener.

You are doing it for the listener, right?

So that they can.

I actually didn't want you to tell them I was eating an orange.

I wanted it to sound like something else.

Oh, yeah?

You know, like when they smash someone's head in a film and it's actually just a watermelon.

Oh, yeah.

Foley you wanted them to think that you were murdering someone I was just doing a bit of foley there for you really also anyone who likes ASMR would have enjoyed that you eating an orange into the yeah we know how they would have enjoyed it like everyone enjoyed it but it's but it's because I'm so sexy isn't it that's that's really why they're watching it is because I'm so sexy they don't care about the orange noises that's what I that's the bit of a ASMR that I hate yeah is the is this like is this really really ASMR like really tentos yeah I don't I don't like the mouth noises I don't like them.

Your mouth noises are fine, Mike.

Yeah.

Just to be clear.

But on ASMR videos, when they do the mouth noises, it doesn't do it.

Are you a mouth-breather?

Yeah.

I breathe through my mouth a lot.

Yeah.

And I didn't realise it was a thing until I heard the term mouth breather, and I was like, oh, God, that's me.

Doesn't it mean you're thick as well?

Yeah, probably.

People say mouth breathe.

Hold on.

No,

I do think,

you know, you guys have to do press shots, don't you, when you're doing your run at Edinburgh and you have have to get a photographer in and that.

I do think that men with their mouth open look stupid.

I thought that last word was so cool.

I also think as well, I also think that if you only show one ear in a photo,

so close your mouth,

only show one ear.

Right.

And then it works.

I mean, you just look...

fucking sexy.

Actually, one ear.

I'm thinking back now.

Yeah.

Don't try it when you do it.

A lot of your album covers, you're looking to the side, ain't you?

Well, I'm not on my album covers.

You have been on some of your album covers.

Grand Don't Come for Free.

I was on the cover of that.

Yeah, and the one after that?

Hardest Way to Me.

What was the cover of that?

Oh, it's on the Rolls of Rolls-Royce.

Yeah, you're looking the other way.

All right.

But by the way, I mean,

it wasn't like a press shot, was it?

You're showing one ear, you got your mouth shut.

Am I right or am I wrong?

Well, I didn't know about it.

Am I right or am I wrong?

I didn't know about it.

Am I right or am I wrong, right?

I didn't know about it then.

Yeah, your mouth shut.

You're looking to the side.

I obviously noose a few things.

Google it in the middle.

You're there.

We get to my favourite course of all the courses.

Dessert.

Dessert.

Deep-fried Mars.

Yes!

Straight in.

Because I think anyone who says that's not the best dessert ever is lying to themselves.

I agree with you, and I've never had one.

Because

the reason I've never had, here we go,

I'm in the firing line again.

The reason why I've never had one is because I like dessert so much that I know if I have one, it will ruin my life.

That is what

Sean Reiner goes on about when I get into drugs, not at all.

That's how you're going to die.

When I get into deep-fried Mars bars, that's when my life's over.

But I think you could definitely

put on a few pounds without it being a problem.

Thank you very much.

But you can't, you actually can't because he eats more than I've ever seen anyone eat.

Really?

And a lot of sweets and a lot of desserts.

And that's just the way he looks.

Okay.

It's impossible.

So it's all still clogged up.

Oh, you think I think it's saved up so

he's fat inside.

That's the thing, isn't it?

Fat inside, thin outside.

Absolutely.

That's really.

A lot of people are that.

Carl Jung would describe you as having a fat subconscious.

Oh, he would take me apart.

Yeah,

it would be more metaphorical than that.

He took me to peace.

Fat is

cuddling you in a warm embrace.

Oh,

that's a nicer way of putting it, actually.

But yeah.

Fat wants you.

Fat wants you.

Look me directly in the eyes when you say that.

Fat wants you.

So the deep-fried Mars bar,

does that need to be with anything else?

Are you just?

It doesn't have to be, no, it doesn't have to be.

Would you like it with anything else?

I wouldn't, no.

I would just

deep fry the Mars.

But, you know, whenever I've had one, I could have another one straight away.

Yeah.

I've seen people have one.

And I just think it's like, let's be honest, shall we?

You know, we've evolved, you know, for millions of years, you know, to to to just really just be to want to put energy in our bodies you know so as effectively and quick to quickly as we can and and the deep fried mars there's not really you know

any more effective way of getting calories into your body so do you think the deep fried mars represents the um the highest

kind of human achievement yes yes absolutely so why not have it as a dessert if it's

achievement or a starter well no because you need you've got the cushy punch as the starter Yeah, but I do think it's good to have fruit for your starter sometimes because, you know, obviously fruit

takes less time to break down.

And so

if you have fruit after your, let's say, steak and chips, it can actually ferment.

Okay.

And which one of the cushy punch or deep-fried Mars is fruit?

Neither.

So you're introducing fruit.

Well, it's mango flavour, the cushy punch, innit?

Is this an interview or am I being taken to pieces by Carl Jung?

Yeah,

we are kind of a Carl Jung tag team, me and Ed.

Absolutely destroyed.

Freud over there.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

He's got you.

Have you ever watched Deep Fried Masters?

Is that what it's called, Ed?

I think it's called that, yeah.

Deep Fried Masters.

It's on Netflix.

No.

It's just a bunch of people deep frying stuff in like a bake-off kind of competition.

Oh, Masters.

Yeah.

Deep Fried Masters.

You had a problem with Masters, did you?

Well, my kids have a problem with masters.

Do they?

Yeah, and I think

it's good to have all of your conflict in the house.

Yes.

Yeah.

And I think that's true of children, but also I think it's true of adults.

Yes.

So yeah, I use that sort of

daily disrespect

and emasculation.

And I harness that.

Yeah.

And I come out to these these

these

these podcast situations you know where I'm being grilled quite frankly by Carl Jung and and you're being Mr.

Floyd over there yeah

and I say yeah fucking masters so then when you made out you didn't know what I'd said you were just I made out you were doing I made out no I genuinely didn't know what you were talking about you didn't know

because you heard masters which you say all the time and you didn't understand what I meant are you aware of an oral pun and a visual pun yeah yeah so in our game,

you know, we have to avoid oral puns.

Yes.

Yeah.

We need to be understood

first and foremost.

If you want to get that joke over the net, want to get it over the net.

Yes.

Always play tennis with someone better than you, by the way.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Get it over the net.

You want to avoid oral puns.

Okay.

Okay.

Oural puns.

Yeah.

Yes.

Deep fried masters sounds like deep fried Mars.

So in my head, I'm thinking, deep fried Mars to

So basically, I'm thinking, okay, well, what do they do?

They just deep fry a Mars every time.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

So I'm confused.

You didn't get the joke over the net.

You didn't get the joke over the net.

I wasn't trying to get the joke.

If you'd have said deep-fried masters...

What a joke.

I was asking you a serious question if you'd seen that TV show, and it sounded like I did an accidental joke.

That's how good I am.

If he said deep-fried masters, I would have said, you don't normally say masters, you say masters, you're trying to show off a Mike Skinner.

Yeah.

That's what I would have said.

That's what he would have called me out on.

If I said, but if you watch Deep Fried Masters.

The Deep Fried Masters, I totally understand that, and he's got you there.

Yeah, he has got me there.

And for that reason,

I'm going to leave this podcast right now.

No, you can't leave.

Because it's

almost time

to have night.

No one's ever left.

We've got so many more questions.

No one's ever left of their own accord at the end.

Normally we wrap it up.

No one's ever come in and gone, weed for starter, deep-fried master for dessert.

Bye-bye.

See you later.

before you go before you go mike

who is the lady you sing about in when you wasn't famous just just say that before the end just say say who it was just name it name it just say it would it would end their career

i think i know who it was right i'll figure it out from that

i figured it out oh benito's holding your uh bonito fussolini fussolini has handed me your order uh so i'll read your order back to you see how you feel about it mike okay yeah but can you not do the sort of the midway check thing?

The midway check thing

I'll be watching lectures.

Oh, yeah, I will not check with you midway.

I promise you.

I will not be checking with you midway.

Uh you would like sparkling water or as you put it what it what did you say?

Mitschprudel.

Mitch Brudel.

Vassa mitsprudel.

Vassa mitschprudel.

You would like some sourdough bread.

Yeah, which I probably will just put the napkin over the top of

because that's a really good way.

If you don't want to eat any more, just put the napkin on the top.

Hide it under the napkin.

Just do that.

Always play tennis with someone better than you.

My friend Stuart Goldsmith once saw someone who, once she had decided she didn't want to eat anything, she would get the glass of water she had and just pour it over a meal.

I mean,

that's basically the same thing.

But you're attracting attention for that.

Yeah, I used to do that with cigarettes when I, every time I was like, I can't do this anymore, run them under the tap.

Through the boil,

because if you put a dry box in the bin, you're going through the bin.

So that's quite cracky, isn't it?

That's quite cracky.

Yeah, yeah.

Going through the bin.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, exactly.

You're quite a cracky guy.

But I know I'd do it.

Yeah, don't do Loudanum.

Yeah, no.

Don't do liquids, man.

I don't think you can find Loudenham these days, can you?

I could ask around.

Drag it down, yeah.

Mike probably could get some in a moose.

Yeah, you're fine.

For your starter, you would like some cushy punch, mango flavour.

Yeah, I think it's mango.

I might,

maybe if your fact checkers can speak to

my lawyers.

Get Benito to Google that and contact your lawyers.

Rain Course, I'd forgotten about this.

Three freaking possible burgers.

Yeah.

Side of Korean chicken wings.

Drink, you would like sake, and for dessert, you would like a deep-fried Mars bar.

Yes.

Sounds good to you?

I'm pretty happy right now.

It's not just really good.

Yeah, that's really good.

I really like that you've got the three impossible burgers because you're trying to eat less meat and then you immediately follow it on with some fried chicken wings.

You're like, I tried.

What can I say?

I tried.

Yeah, it's pretty good.

Yes, I was doing it.

I mean, we could switch out the wings for jackfruit wings.

No, no, we're keeping the chicken.

You're the chicken.

We've got to have your favourite Seitan, Seitan.

Satan.

Say Seitan.

Satan's Sitan.

Well, that's kind of evil, that stuff, I think.

Sure.

But that's a different podcast.

That's implied in the name.

Is that a visual pun or an aural pun?

No, that's that's pretty good.

Yeah, that was actually good.

That pun works.

Yeah, that works.

Yeah, well done, man.

Yeah.

Thank you.

And it's and yeah, very happy to announce your new podcast.

Yeah.

Satan's Chicken Wings.

Yes, sir.

Satan Chicken Wings.

Satan Chicken Wings, brackets, orville puns with James A.

Caster.

In the depths of Beelzebub, you know, in

with Beelzebub, in the depths of Hades.

Will you play Beelzebub in it?

Are you someone to play the devil?

It'd be funny if you did.

I'd like to play God, actually.

You'd be God's God.

Is he more of a God?

He is more of a God.

He's not been picking on you.

I mean, I'd rather be God than

if you were God.

Fucking hell.

Who would play Satan?

Biggest question we've ever had at the end of the day.

Morgan Freeman.

Morgan Freeman.

You'd have Morgan Morgan Freeman, Satan, just so he's played both roles.

Well, I don't like people being typecast.

Sure.

Show us range.

Show us range.

Range.

Always play tennis with someone better than you.

Yeah.

Range.

Oh, sorry.

Range.

Is that the Brummy way of saying that?

No, range.

Range?

Thanks so much for coming into the Dream Restaurant, Mike.

And just as a gift, as you leave, we've bought you a bottle of Robust robust Melbeck.

Oh, you didn't say it, Bobby.

It would have been so good.

He absolutely shanked it at the end.

It would have been so good.

It would have been so good.

Thank you for nanking me in the pancreas with that superb use of circular plotting.

That's what we live for.

Nanking in the pank.

You got nanked in the pank, Skinner.

Thanks, Mike.

Mike Skinner, everybody.

There he is, Mike Skinner.

Got pretty deep, deep, that app.

Pretty deep,

so much to discuss.

So much to talk about.

I find myself in the crosshairs once or twice, but you know, it's part of the course being a genie.

You got gunned down, mate.

I got gunned down every now and again, but that's fine.

I think you finally met your jafar.

Oh.

Maybe Mike Skinner is my Jafar.

That's exciting.

We should have said that on the actual episode, but I was too busy thinking about the fact he picked Weed as a starter.

Yes, he did pick Weed as a starter.

And fair play to him.

It sounded all right.

It was...

look, I loved that episode that we were all sat in a dark, in a pitch-black restaurant.

Not even in a restaurant.

We were just sat in dark, but there was somehow a curve.

And then he put a YouTube video on and popped an edible.

Yeah.

Of course he did.

Different vibe, a very different vibe to the previous episode.

But we respect that and we encourage that.

The menu was interesting.

It was off-beat.

We finished with a deep-fried Mars bar.

You can't argue with that.

And he did not say plenty of fried tomatoes, so we did not kick him out of the dark curve.

Which I think you were slightly disappointed by that he did not say plenty of fried tomatoes.

Because I bet you would have loved that because it would be like being at a concert.

Yeah, I kind of was, I mean, obviously, you know, I fanboyed out every now and again.

He wasn't having any of it.

He batted it away like a professional.

I'm very surprised you fanboyed out in such an obvious way as well.

Yeah.

Well,

I'll talk you through my thinking, Ed.

Yeah.

He was quite a

he was quite, he was in a laryn mood, and I thought it'd be really funny to really obviously fan way out and see if it'll wind him up.

Wind him up, and it didn't.

It didn't wind up.

He was an absolute completely fine with it.

Thanks so much to Mike Skinner for coming in.

And he's got new music coming soon, we're told.

Very exciting.

Very exciting indeed.

What have you got coming up, James?

Yeah, just this and that, knocking about.

My book, Perfect Sound, Whatever, which Mike mentioned in the podcast.

He did, actually.

That was nice.

Yeah, yeah.

That's out.

It's about music and about 2016 being the greatest year for music of all time.

What about you, Ed?

What are you up to?

Oh, I do.

Depending on when this comes out, I might be on tour.

Go on to my website, edgamble.co.uk, to check that out.

But I do have a special that is available on Amazon Prime video.

Blood Sugar.

Blood Sugar, it's called, and I'm very happy with it.

So put yourself on there.

Have a little watch of that.

And if you're interested in some of the restaurants that we mentioned and want to know more about them, or you think you remember us talking about a restaurant but you don't remember the name of it, you have two options.

One, you can go onto our website, offmenupodcast.co.uk, or you can just listen back to the podcast and listen for the names.

Or you can tweet the off menu

official Twitter, and you can ask Benito himself every single week.

So there's the three options.

Go on to the website, offmenupodcast.co.uk.

You could listen back to the episode, or you could tweet Benito and ask him what the restaurant was called.

Now of course one of the bonuses of doing a food podcast is people do just send us stuff which is great but people out there seem to think we're absolute boozers because we have received a lot of beer and a lot of gin quite frankly.

Northern Monk who are a brewer that I love the name of and the cans immediately have sent us the full range.

I've got one called Faith here which is a modern pale ale.

There's

New World India Pale Ale here.

Heathen Heathen, which is

my bag, actually.

I'm a bit more of a heathen.

You are a bit of a heathen, aren't you?

But I'll be taking away these cans and enjoying them very much.

Thank you so much to Northern Monk.

This is the exciting one for me, booze-wise, James.

Fairs Distillery have sent us our own off-menu gin, the only one that exists in the world, bottle one of one,

batch number, oh my god, one.

Look at that.

Wow.

Our own gin.

It's a handwritten label.

It is just a one-off off-menu gin.

It's wax-sealed, that bottle.

It's wax-sealed.

And you know what?

I'm taking this.

Yeah.

Let me know how it tastes.

It says off-menu gin for Ed Gamble and James Acaster.

Bad luck.

You've written it in pen.

I can rub off James Acaster.

To rub me off.

Still remember me.

No, you're gone.

You're gone.

I'm going to drink a bottle of gin and forget you ever exist.

Well, there's another bottle of gin here, Ed, that I could console myself with.

Puerto de Indias.

Oh, yeah.

What's that gin?

It's

civilian gin pretty.

Strawberry gin.

There you go.

That's much more up your street.

Strawberry gin.

Now, what else have we been sent, James?

Oh, some other drinks here from Nixon Kicks.

They're like a soft drink,

low in calories and caffeine.

And they

put spice in them.

All these drinks have a bit of cayenne pepper in them.

Spicy drinks.

No added sugar, vegan drinks.

So I've got a few of those there.

Blood, orange, and turmeric, watermelon and hibiscus, mango and ginger, cucumber and mint all with a bit of spice I want to put a bit of gin in those and also we've been sent doise and dam dark chocolate hazelnut buttercups and some peanut buttercups I think as well which are like vegan buttercups and they've sent us these for free probably put that out there they've sent us these for free not peanuts almond salt almond and some hazelnut Ed and sorry to say to Doisey and Dam I've already bought your product and enjoyed it in the past so you've sent it to me for free for no reason in your face.

Very clever.

Very clever of you.

So thank you very much for listening to the podcast.

We hope you enjoyed the episode and we'll see you again soon in the off-menu restaurant.

Keep it cooking.

We get it.

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Hello, I'm Carrie Add.

I'm Sarah, and we are the Weirdos Book Club Podcast.

We are doing a very special live show as part of the London Podcast Festival.

The date is Thursday, 11th of September.

The time is 7pm.

And our special guest is the brilliant Alan Davies.

Tickets from kingsplace.co.uk.

Single ladies is coming to London.

True on Saturday, the 13th of September.

At the London Podcast Festival.

The rumours are true.

Saturday, the 13th of September.

At King's Place.

Oh, that sounds like a date to me, Harriet.